#I feel like nobody is going to miss me

[can-of-slorgs]

Completed the Shenkuu Stamp collection some time ago, so it was only fair to draw my girl Mirsha

#neopets #neotag #neoart #vin doods #gnorbu #drawing this was actually really fun in a way that when i was looking for references i didn't know she was such a lesbian icon #not surprised but hey lets cheer for the lesbian alpaca! #I'm not as happy with the colors as I thought #I'm a bit rusty in just really warm colors without it looking burnt for some reason HJSD #but looking at pictures of AC teams have made me really fall into my old virtupets fix #i love everyone so much on that team and not really that many ppl play for it #i still remember winning a long long time ago and was completely blown away as it was basically just 5 ppl in a forum going mad #i just really love the designs of most of the players on all groups?? #i don't even like playing in the AC that much i just love the characters LMFAOO #i think i still remember I drew fanart of Sela and the gelert from the darigan team when i was like 8-9 and submitting in onto deviantart #and getting hate comments probably like 8 years later because i missed his wings or i made them too small or sth #that was hilarious thinking about it now but it did made me hate the darigan team for that year SDHFKSD #ok this is too long it always ends up wit me just rambling #I love my boy XL Striker 3.8 and Sela #ok nobodys reading uhhhh #send me an ask with the weirdest emoji out of context if you've read this far tbh nobody cares by this point HJSKSFD #idk if ill draw someone for the AC team everytime i complete a stamp collection but if i'm feeling like it maybe #or if they're requested tecnically #thats it bye

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

#life update nobody asked for lol #I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies #I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow #still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow) #is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr #I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa #downgrading to a flip phone actually #I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER) #I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most #delulu is infact not the solulu #daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey #it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me #if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit #Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand #As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you #The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends #Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that #Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again #But I just wanted to share what's been going on #And I miss you guys a lot #I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart #I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme #Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person #But I hope you all are doing GREAT #Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy #You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything #xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥

[marrfixated]

(More thoughts and drafting! Some weird formatting I know but it was all one block in my notes)

Emma is doing just fine. Average. It’s really not so bad.

She’s just been dealing with a lot of change. And with too many things not changing.

Which is… an odd thing to struggle with.

Because she likes hange. Daunting challenges. The unpredictable. Doing new things every day and never being scared of them. And she likes independence.

She had thought so, at least.

After the show, she had been hit in the face with just how… isolated she was. She had only had two friends before the first season, but she had left them behind. Her mother wasn’t doing the best, and she didn’t have any nearby family.

She found herself laying in her bed in the middle of the day most of the time, scrolling through her contacts and old conversations.

Or scrolling through her comments on TikTok.

A few weeks ago, she had tried some stunt involving a motorcycle and an inflatable pool. She probably wouldn’t have messed it up if her hands weren’t trembling.

(She had forgot to check the breaks, and wasn’t sure if they were working.)

(They were.)

The blood dripping down her face and the gash in her lip didn’t sting as much as it did watching the video.

She looked ridiculous, and she probably always did. It was better when she had someone else to do it with. Maybe she was losing her touch.

She didn’t post the video.

She turned back to dancing instead, which did feel less embarassing, despite the constant mocking feedback. Sure, the jokes were “funny”, but she didn’t care about any of it. She didn’t feel the rush, she wasn’t planning every day, and she wasn’t known or loved for anything.

Except for what she lost.

And, the show, to an extent.

-Ugh, she misses the show. She shouldn’t, but as stupid as it sounds, she missed doing crazy things and talking to people. Having a chance of winning. Beating everyone. Being cheered on. It wasn’t always great, but at least it was something. She misses doing something.

And she really misses Bowie. She missed Bowie, but she knows better than anyone that she can’t go back to that. They just- have better things to do now. He probably does.

He’s got Raj- which is great! And she’s happy for him! She’s happy for everyone. For Wayne, however he’s doing, for Julia, despite everything.

And Caleb. For having Priya.

Emma is jealous that Bowie gets to have someone.

Emma is jealous that everyone else gets to have someone.

Emma is jealous that, unlike everyone else, winning the show probably wouldn’t have made her any happier.

She isn’t sure what would.

#cw injury mention #(very brief) #writing her always feels weird because I like to explore things that weren’t at all touched in canon #because we only see her as angry at Chase or lighthearted and silly #but I think she’d feel sort of empty. especially with how much attention she would be used to and craving #with Chase and her millions(?) of fans #and you aren’t just angry and then happy.. like she would have a lot of guilt too #like e4s2 and when Bowie and her fought are what I’m going off of #plus she’s portrayed as a person who wants validation/social interaction/close relationships #and she doesn’t really have that #also you can’t tell me she loves TikTok and it’s so good for her mental health lol I use TikTok and nobody has ever thought that #but yeah it’s hard to analyze and elaborate on a character who’s been kind of wasted in canon #but still I think there’s so many fun ways to analyze her #original post #total drama #total drama island #total drama 2023 #total drama reboot #td spoilers #technically this is Priyemma based but I won’t tag it as such cus it isn’t obvious #I think Emma would have gotten really attached to her though.. arghhh #because Priya trusted her and supported her and liked her and she hasn’t actually had that before #and her missing Bowie… oomph it hurts #gah sorry for ranting lol but I love her #td Emma #Emma td #tdi Emma #Emma tdi #total drama emma #emma total drama

[derpinette]

english used to be the normie filter & how you could tell someone was a Trve Internethead but after the DAMNED 2020 quarantine for obvious reasons EveryBody & They Momma is acceptably fluent so now i have to learn swedish or something. -_-

#already been spending time this past year & a half i only need someone to actually speak it with IRL for maximum efficiency #technically i want to say 2019 people were already turning to english at least in my city. 7 year old me would be so happy but #ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH #YOU ARE POSERS I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH YOU & I NEVER WILL. has me feeling so ♯DECEIVED #native english speakers will probably never understand this feel #speaking english now is just as cringe as i thought being francophone was a decade ago Yes even as a child i was against normies #i was forcibly taught.by my millennial older brother i had no choice but to abide by that line of thought & so here i am today #well he was right. not anymore he ain't but he used to be #but technically you can say this new wave of self taught anglophones are going against the current & remnants of colonialism so well #it is a good thing objectively i just miss the ease of recognizing Real back in the day TT_TT like you just KNEW they shared your interests #& weirdness they knew your references it said something about what their social status likely was too ETC ETC. But not anymore... #i enjoyed it tho i had a bestfriend whom i mostly spoke english with & we were known for it we were outcasts #i distinctly remember this fag who got so mad at us & harassed us for it during middle school recess. like fluency was a bad thing #we were not even gossiping about him Altho we should have been. & that was the best part is that it was a barrier #so you could talk about anything out loud & nobody would be able to understand you & at the time it was just us & our older siblings #+their friends

[micer2012]

some photos of my room :3 the more maximalist, the more recent (if you want to know the artist for any of my things just let me know!!)

#getting personal: i just redecorated my room and couldnt figure out why it made me feel so good. before realizing OH. ITS THE MATPAT. #showing off my room my home so UNIQUELY me nobody else could ever have this combination of shit i just printed out at the school library #really helps. look at my room look at Me. (and going home for winter break soon will make me not feel like Myself too..) #in conclusion look at my room :] look at me . im so sad im about to be torn from it for a bit.. but i can look at this photo set whenever i #missing it. ill be back! ill be home. and im home Right Now #AGAIN if u want the source of any of this art let me know!! its all reblogged on my blog here i think #and obviously im not profiting off of this printed out art any way its just to make me feel happy its just to make my room more Mine #wehhh.wehehehh903I439U238 #MINE #CC

[isabellaofparma]

i miss simply existing next to my mother

#i literally cannot talk about this with anyone so yall have to put up with my pathetic posts my god i need to go back to therapy #everything is performance now. she wants to fix me. she treats me like a ticking bomb. im no longer ivett im her Child. #this makes sense to nobody #i miss her but when we are together i feel like locking myself away. #its just not used to be like this

[autistic-beshelar]

can we also talk about the fact that hob continuously refers to himself as a fool, even though he has repeatedly proven that he’s actually quite intelligent and capable?

like, it would not be shameful by any means for him not to be, but it’s just... it’s blatantly incorrect. he repeatedly says he’s bad with words, and yet he’s by far the most eloquent person there, and seems to have little difficulty understanding anyone else (save for when those people are being nice to him). he’s clearly an extremely capable strategist - he would not have risen to the rank of captain solely based on his fighting skills. he’s able to understand the grander machinations of the court, even if he has to use accommodations to do so. he’s able to formulate plans and improvise very quickly, as we saw in the hart hunt and the maze.

he would not be so useful to his court if he was not so intelligent. and yet they have clearly brainwashed him into believing that he is not.

#FUCK the goblin court. i hate them i hate them for what they are doing to my BOY. #look if nobody is going to write meta about this then i will. #also tbh it's an autism mood #to be intelligent #(in the sense that society deems intelligent - an academic kind of intelligence) #and yet to constantly feel that you are stupid #because you struggle to socialise #or because you need accommodations #or because you feel that you are constantly missing something that everyone else seems to grasp #and because other people have told you that you are stupid #and you already feel that you are #so they must be right #LORD i have so many feelings about this goddamn furry boy #a court of fey and flowers #captain kp hob #'bad with words' my ass this bitch is a fucking literature major are you kidding me #i like to think i'm okay with words #and i didn't fucking understand the letter like #it was so fucking complex that i had to read a post about it to understand what the fuck he was saying #(shoutout also to brennan like. u can just do that.. with words...) #like HE IS SO GOOD WITH LANGUAGE!!!!! #ripping things apart with my teeth

[yeyayeya]

I’m back! Well, not necessarily, but I’m on the road back home. I am mentally exhausted, but my break back in Mexico was fun! I won’t exactly get back to posting normally, but I will in a few days

#yeyarants #nobody probably cares #but to the few mutuals that do #hello again! #I’ve been offline the past two weeks and haven’t gotten checked on things in a bit #i NEED to watch the two TGCF season 2 episodes before posting my reaction to them #but I need a bit of a break rn lol #the break felt like nothing and now I gotta go back home #like I miss it… but also not really #Mexico just feels so different but in a good way #I will post my reactions to episodes 9 and 10 don’t worry #and the small bits of time to myself I’ve been trying to write something #I’m halfway done #and my plan is to post it here in February #and if not hopefully by March #it’s something I’ve been working on and I want to share it but I also feel self conscious about it #but it’s the most I’ve ever written! #and really want to share it #it’s basically an OTP prompt thing which is writing something about said OTP every day of the month #and if you know me then you know which two ships #Idc if it doesn’t get that much attention #even just a little bit would make me happy and I plan on posting it on ao3 and sharing it on my blog #still don’t know if I should make post it chapter by chapter or making a series and posting each prompt individually #the prompts were like one to three words and I wrote quite a lot for it #the average for most of them are around 700 words #but again #felt like sharing this small update and what I’ve been doing

[sibelin]

i need to isolate myself for around 200 to 500 years

#i wish i had something more tangible to hold onto #i am too demanding as a friend. i love people too much and then nobody can't really keep up bc people just want to have a good time #nobody can feel the intensity of what i feel. and never will!!! who wants that!!! #today is a good exemple bc i knoooow people value me. but i know i am insane and value people wayyyyy more than i should #i don't even want to be valued. i want to be loved and missed and i want people to talk without feeling like it's a chore #i'll go to sleep before i burst into tears. have a good night #love u all. i should delete

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

.

How to explain that going to church makes me hurt and angry, but not going to church makes me sad and depressed.

#I need to go to Mass. I need to get over the anxiety mental block and just go. #blue chatter #it’s just. I’ve only gone a couple times this semester and every time has left me feeling more empty and hurt than when I walked in #and I know Mass is more than just how you feel. and that it matters that I am there where God calls me to be #I know. #I wish nobody there knew me so they wouldn’t be so worried and ask questions about where I’ve been #it’s like. I cannot possibly explain to my church friends why I haven’t been showing up. #it’s not even scrupulosity anymore it’s just. I can’t be here. I don’t belong here. #and the new priest is trying *so hard*. I’ve been honest with him about how I’m struggling. #but it’s just. there’s something missing. he wants to include the congregation but fundamentally doesn’t understand what that means. #‘everyone is welcome. No I will not make an effort to include marginalized people. they’re welcome bc they can Walk In The Door.’ #and I know it’s not that the church has changed #if anything I’d be having the same issues with the old priest. I’m the one who’s changed. #but instead of spending my Sundays with God I’m just. melting into a puddle of Sad. and that’s not good for my faith life. #I need to do *something*. I just. any time I think of trying a new church i feel exhausted. #God please help me. #I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t want to be alone and miserable and losing touch with my faith

[shitty-check-please-aus]

nothing kills a group chat in quite the same way as multiple people getting partners

#I don't want to be a bitch and like I am happy for people #but I can complain a little bit on the internet where nobody can see me #people with partners just get very focused on that person #and then the group chat is just me & the other single person #AND the newest person to get a bf is one of my only local friends #so it's just like. ok you've spent 6 days with your new bf. I will not bug you and ask if you want to go anywhere or do anything. #it's just. UGH I'm trying so fucking hard to get a social life going #and it feels like I missed some mystery window to like apply to have a social life #I didn't know there were auditions and callbacks are already done #some of this is probably the winter depression hitting #just. UGH. fuck. #I really am happy for my friends when they get partners and I'd never say any of this to them #I just needed to complain a little

[everythingsinred]

controversial opinion of the year is that i dont think barbie was that great bc its message was all over the place and also they didnt realize they had made kens the women in their story so it just seemed bizarrely misogynistic to me

#little anya things #me mid-movie: ahh i see so the kens are women in this lil scenario #the movie: ACTUALLY no we have no idea what we're doing #before u come at me. 1. 'women view each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments #but for the attention of men' #2. the general vibe of condescension towards ken's efforts on beach echoing specific condescension of men towards women's interests #that 'oh u pathetic thing u' vibe was so strong #3. ken being shocked that a woman respected him enough to ask him for the time. an event that HAS NEVER happened to him before #he is so touched by the feeling of respect... 4. nobody knows where the kens even live. #miss representation quote abt how 50% of the population is disinterested in the other half. #5. barbie feels instantly objectified in the real world whereas ken instantly feels respected in a way hed never been #6. they dont even have genitals so ken arent actually men and barbies arent actually women bc thats not how things work in their world #listen the first half of that movie i was like. so kens are women here. #then theres the typical revenge narrative where they start the 'patriarchy' that wasnt rly all that creative but fine #but then they got all confusing and barbies are women and kens are just men who have been rightfully oppressed all along?? even tho #theyve been women-coded this whole time. okay #7. kens go back to having no government representation or right to vote and this is sposed to be funny. i guess? #im not mad at the movie for being misandrist bc it wasnt. it was just trying too hard to do too many things #that it ended up just seeming misogynistic to me #not to mention it was doing the bare minimum and is just step one in a huge capitalist ploy to start making a bunch of toy-related movies #im genuinely shocked i havent seen any criticism abt it on tumblr when its such a sloppy film throwing out a confused message #in order to make money and sell dolls. what exactly am i supposed to take away from this.... it just seems so bizarrely hypocritical #for mattel to make a movie where they feature as side-antagonists who essentially learn nothing... just for mattel irl to make more money #off of everything they mentioned in the movie. like. what changed. #also america ferrera's character existed just to give that speech and otherwise she and her daughter were not relevant to the plot at all #it was funny and aesthetic and all but the more i think abt it the more im not all that impressed. idk. am i missing smth #i dont think so. i disagree w most ppl's analysis praising it. idk idk

[dandyshucks]

me when i suddenly remember I can draw whatever i want and it is allowed to look imperfect !!!! and I'm allowed to use pose bases esp if I'm just drawing for fun !!!

im trying to figure out a specific cartoony style I did in one drawing from a few months back, and then I've been wanting to do one of those heart hands poses for a long time so I found a pose base to try a quick sketch tonight just for funsies hehe

#i missed just drawing whatever fbfjdkl #its been so long since i just... let myself draw whatever fjdkdl #I've had a goal or some kind of rules in my head for every drawing session for the past month-ish #no wonder I've been feeling less and less inclined to draw fnfkdl goodness gracious I've been restricting myself too much #it'd be like telling someone to go have fun colouring a picture but theyre only allowed to use yellow or smth fjfkdl #like. okay. that can still be fun but it'd be MORE fun to be freeform and have all the colours !!! #drawing monochrome is fun for a challenge or exercise every now and then but not just to let off steam !!! #bwaahhh i re-learn this every few months and then end up forgetting it again sbdjskl silly silly smh #SIDE NOTE. DO Y'ALL RLY NOT SAY PENCIL CRAYONS IN THE USA ?? #IS IT ONLY ''COLOURED PENCILS''??? or... i should say... colored pencils LMAO american spelling /lh #coloured pencils sounds so Proper and Fancy LOL #i wonder if canada got pencil crayons from french 🤔 bc in french pencils are called crayons! #i feel like some of the US probably says pencil crayons but everyone I've talked to says they either havent heard of it or nobody says it #VERY WEIRD LOL i had no idea until a friend asked me wtf i meant by pencil crayons fhfkdl #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble #doodlebug.png

[arundolyn]

hot(?) guilty gear take:

danger time is fun and not nearly as bad a mechanic as some people like to claim. they're just salty when they lose to it

#crow.txt #like its a really hype mechanic. its fun to watch and tbh never bugged me that much to experience #granted i didnt go to tourneys ever but like #idk. both opponents are given the same things. is it kinda a reaction time game? certainly. but thats like all of fighting games #idk why its so Irredeemably Awful to a lot of players who probably never even play in tourneys they just like regurgitating the same things #repeatedly forever bc its the internet and predominantly reddit #even if the argument is that some matchups are skewed unfairly (like slayer pilebunkering repeatedly) i mean.... yeah? thats like #the fucking crux of fighting games. its not specific to danger time. you can make that argument about literally anything #you could make that argument about certain overdrive mechanics in blazblue #i can see how it would be frustrating in a tourney but if youre getting THAT big mad about losing this specific way then.. man idk #is it that different than being beaten normally. not really #the real unspoken bullshit mechanic is being able to instant kill functionally whenever you want. THATS the tourney killer #its unrealistic in the vast majority of scenarios but like... at least with like every other game. blazblue and unib #you have to EARN it at least a little. yeah the consequences of whiffing are major but also with stun in xrd it can be easier to land #even when someone is a huge dick about astralling me in blazblue i dont get nearly as tilted about it as i would #at getting hit by a bs instant kill setup like first round in xrd. are you kidding me. holy shit #at least astrals have to be match point. you literally Do have to earn it. unib you yourself have to be half dead rather than the opponent #being able to instant kill just Whenever feels so much cheaper #getting off my soapbox for an opinion nobody asked for. even tho strive damage is already crazy insane #danger time was a fun mechanic and idk a danger time mod might be funny. never seen anything quite like it but thats true of a lot of gg #only guy on earth who misses danger time apparently

[slashingflourish]

(narrator: Of all those you killed in your Father's name, one lingers in your mind even now. Alfira, the Bard of the Emerald Grove. Her death weighs upon you still.)

this line singlehandedly inspired alfira's importance to nethandre's development, and when i finally got back it destroyed me

alfira was so important to her. she may have only known her for a tenday, but with how little nethandre remembered, she was her entire world. if she didnt rediscover music and find something she loves that has nothing to do with killing, she probably would've given in, slaughtered the grove, and spiraled back into the person she used to be

i'm sad :(

#oc tag #nethandre #durge spoilers #alfira #i could go on an entire tangent about how manipulating the game to kill quil is really cheap narrative-wise #alfira's death leaves a massive hole in the narrative for resist durges especially if its a repeat playthrough #lakrissa has nobody to reunite with in last light. the kids talk about when alfira sang to them and how much they miss her #weeping dawn plays around the elfsong which is where she would be #she was so loved and you can really feel it. #it helps it feel like the urges have consequences #i dont blame people for killing quil in their saves esp for the potent robe but for emotional arc purposes she'll always die for me #sorry you're doomed by the narrative girl. sorry.

[piplupod]

thinking abt the previous post, the agency i worked at for a couple years would use bits of ABA and I just... I always nodded along to the boss instructing me on how to work with the kids with those tactics (I worked with the kids who were 6 and under) and then as soon as she left I tossed all that shit out of my brain and just treated the kid like a human being and worked with them where they were at.

and guess what !!! i had the most and fastest success out of every other worker in the entire building!! i was often told it seemed like i was working miracles with my kids bc they'd just progress so fast (comparatively) through the skill book we had to work on, and that the kids always seemed so happy and eager to come to the building after they started working with me!!

this is partially why I quit because I couldn't stand seeing my coworkers treat the kids like they were dogs (talking down to them, being patronizing, and utilizing shitty ABA tactics) and as much good as I was doing there, it was fucking me up bc they were extremely demanding that I work more than I was comfortable (or able) to, and often put me with "problem" kids who I didn't get to regularly see so we couldn't make much progress bc the kids weren't able to get to know me and (rightfully!) didn't trust me because they thought I'd be treating them the way everyone else did.

i just...... my coworkers would ask me how I had so much success and I would just shrug and say like, "just treat them like they're human and work with them where they're at" and I couldn't explain any more bc that'd require me admitting I wasn't following the boss' guidance for a lot of shit fjfkdl

#i had kids who didn't like talking suddenly become chatterboxes bc they actually felt safe and listened to for once !!! #(and ofc some kids just didnt like talking and that was okay bc they would talk when needed but just preferred to be quiet) #also yall i had no formal training for this 😭 i was thrown into the fray one day djfkdl i was supposed to just work as an admin assistant #it was just fucking bonkers there #kids had meltdowns sometimes bc the workers were so useless and didnt take the time to learn to read the child and they'd push too much #and they did things in ways that were sooo rigid so often like... if a kid is looking tired u gotta shift ur schedule around !! #but they'd just be like noooope this is our plan and we have to stick to it #my guy!! the child looks exhausted!!! they are fucking four years old !!! what the hell are u doing!!! #no four yr old is going to ever feel okay if u keep pushing them to do stuff they dont rly want to do when theyre tuckered out!! #anyways i could rant for hours abt that place lmfao #i still think abt the kids so often esp some of the ones with rough home lives #and i just rly rly hope theyre doing okay #but i cannot go back and help again bc that place destroyed me gjfkdl i hit autistic burnout HARD while there #and thats what ultimately forced me to quit #otherwise i probably would've stayed bc i rly wanted to give these kids someone safe to be around esp if their homes werent a v safe place #idk its so hard bc one person can't change the entire way things are (esp since i had no formal training) #but also if im not there then i know nobody else there is going to be knocking ABA to the side and treating the kids like whole ass humans! #eugh i hate thinking abt it bc I just... what the fuck do u do with a situation like that lmfao #i miss those kids sm though fjfkdl theyre all so cool and fun and rly good kids #i hope good things happen to them :') #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #ableism tw #aba tw