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#I feel uncomfortable now
dorenarox · 1 year
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😳
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months
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The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.
What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.
It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.
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hotluncheddie · 7 months
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having autistic high masking steve thoughts..
steve harrington who’s black and white is these are the rules and you follow them. you turn up at school, you show your face at dinner, you do your hair and brush your teeth and speak when your spoken to. steve harrington who doesn’t want to be alone at lunch, knows that making friends in important because it’s the only thing his mother asked him after his first day, and he wants to be able to say ‘yes’ if she ever asks again. steve who loves to swim but hates how the shower water beats on his skin after, how the shampoo always get all over his face and he’s never given time to wipe it off in the right way, can’t seem to say how it makes him want to scream. all he knows he can’t scream because that’s ‘bad behaviour steven’ and then he won’t be able to swim. so he swallows it, he detaches, he only half exists in the shower and he feels a mass of dark smoke churn in his chest.
steve harrington who heard what the other kids said, how they spoke about the older kids, how people spoke on the tv. learned that when he grew up that he’d need to talk to girls like he wanted to date them, kiss them. talk to guys like he enjoyed hearing about their weekends, even if they were mean and annoying. even is he didn’t care and noticed how they never asked about him. but you’re not allowed to say that; your annoying, i don’t care, you make me feel bad. you have to listen and smile and fit in and be liked. not matter what.
steve harrington who’s smart and sensible and is good at recognising patterns. who knows how to survive, no matter how uncomfortable he is. no matter how tired he is by the evening, mind blasting static, no room do anything other than lay there. he doesn’t really know what he likes because he has no energy to do anything, anything other than going to school and go on dates. he got good at hiding how reading takes so long and writing never comes out in the right order first time. how so often he feels like his skin needs to just come off. how that scream is still sitting at the base of his throat.
he dreams of running away, to hide and just, be quiet. everything just need to be quiet and dark, for a little bit. for a while. but it can’t be, because he has to show his face, has to do his hair.
and then monsters exist. and steve survives, because he has to, because he can. he knows his role in the story, so he fights and he cares and he protects and he keeps talking to girls and he keeps brushing his teeth and when he gets beaten up it hurts, it’s uncomfortable, but what’s more discomfort when every day is uncomfortable. he’s always been uncomfortable but how can he ever not be, he has to follow the rules.
hurt/comfort pt2 & snippet pt3
ao3
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luna-lovegreat · 2 months
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So... Warriors
It is obvious by now he's not ok. He's irritable and tense.
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I've had thoughts and ideas on this for awhile, so I think now's a good time to speak them. Very important detail at the end.
There are some really big and some small things adding to his stress
The drama with the sword. Wild went against the agreed plan, and lashed out in anger fear for twilights injury. From things Jojo said, Wars is mad about it for a while.
I have said this in other posts, but based on things Jojo has said and some details, I do not think Wild likes wars. He has not really gotten close to him, which adds on to the negativity between them
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But Wars... is a captain. This journey is different, and he's doing amazing at setting aside expectations of how to work with rank. But that is still a clear stressor- to him that was unacceptable in battle
^this is one big thing we watched go wrong and has clearly been upsetting since
Another thing is
Wars has been taking on too much. We've seen him break up a fight at the inn, comfort Time (time!), and tell him he'd take care of the others.
Twice he said "let them", and "let him be"-making others have space they needed. He asked Four what was wrong and followed up with helping with smithing.
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^^These are all small things. None of these are huge- practically tiny tasks. But they add up- all the attention to others feeling but not his own
... and
Wars has not smiled. Yes, he smiled, but it was not his smile. Since Twilight went injured to the inn, there has only been smiles in a way expected, but not much beyond when he found out his friend wasn't dead. (And when he helped Four at the blacksmiths)
In the updates, I have seen others saying how cool/pretty he looked. Which he did! But emotion wise, I only thought he looked angry. Even when teasing Twilight...
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^Not his smile
But here's the biggest thing that I believe is bothering him...
I've wanted to point this out for awhile. The thing is, Wars was really hurt when he found out Twilight didn't tell him about Wolfie
It's small details. A few sentences and facial expressions. But they add up over the chapter, and I don't think he felt trusted or trusting when he found out
He tried to find out who else knew
And why he was one who didn't
*read the blurred words:
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"No one said anything to me, I'm just left out of the loop. Who else knows? Just us?"
Wolfie being secret wasn't necessarily about trust, but wars took it personally. He really didn't understand or want to accept that Twilight would have told some of the others but not him...
Wars is distinctly closer to the ones his age, who the younger ones often turn to. And as someone who's been through war, who bonds closest with those he feels he works with best?
Twilight having a major secret he didn't share with Wars, but did with others,
Felt like a knife to the (back?) chest.
And it hurt him
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Look at his face when saying "we couldn't do a thing for him". He's looking away, directly after asking four and wild if they knew. I don't think he felt trusted. Or trusting. From thinking someone wasn't who he thought he was, and maybe was closer to others...
^^this is what I think is perhaps the biggest stressor- yet most unnoticeable
Wars never spoke to anyone about his feelings. He pushed it aside and went and helped.
This is ok. Between people so close, anything can be worked out. This is very revealing of how much Wars cares about twilight and the others
As far as Warriors pushing aside his needs and focusing on others... it's hard.
But I can confidently say this: Warriors would never want to not help all he could, when the others needed him
Here's this screenshot that makes me laugh (and somehow sky is just chill with this?)
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Wars: oh my god my friend just came back from a wolf what the Hylia who can I even trust I'm having an invisible crisis
Sky: oh yay the sword helped he's back :)
Twilight: I'm fine *currently dying*
Wars is stressed right now. He's taken on too much, he's probably still mad at Champion, and... he feels betrayed (god wars should never have to feel betrayed) and untrusted
Like literally everyone ever others, wars deals with his hurt. Sometimes he can't deal with it alone, and sometimes he can. It will all work out, and I love how much he loves his brothers.
But nothing, I repeat nothing
Will be ok
IF HE DOESNT START WEARING THE DAMN SCARF SOON CMON WE HAVENT SEEN IT IN LIKE TEN UPDATES
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PUT ON YOUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SCARF CMON MAN
Ok I'm calm <3
.
Art and comic by Jojo @linkeduniverse :D
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muffinlance · 8 months
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prompt: Ozai has Azula watch Zuko (his progress or rather lack thereof) from way earlier on, possibly even before Aang gets away from the iceberg in the first place
There it is, written at the bottom of his banishment notice, wobbling in and out of his vision and he’s not sure if it's his eyes—
(Father wouldn’t have meant to blind him. Being blind won't help him catch the Avatar, so he’ll just not go blind.)
It’s either his eyes, or. Or the rage. It has to be the rage.
So Zuko reads the line again, and lets the fire brim up and overflow, until sparks chase the shout from his lips.
“Banishment to be overseen by Crown Princess Azula?”
- - -
“Prince Zuko,” Azula says, standing as tall as an eleven year old can. She’s using his title, so that he’ll use hers. And if he doesn’t then he’s ill-mannered and not fit for his own. 
“Crown Princess Azula,” Zuko grits out.
“I’ll just be inspecting your ship, then. Father’s orders.”
Two men are in shackles by the time she’s done. 
“—Fostering mutiny against your prince,” she is yelling, and somehow her voice is just as high-pitched as his without sounding childish at all. “When our father hears about this—”
- - -
“So you had them executed,” Fire Lord Ozai inquires. Lightly. And from behind his flames.
“Of course, father,” says the kneeling child. “It was an attack on our family.”
Her father doesn’t say anything.
Azula is eleven. Eleven, she had presumed, was old enough to count. 
One, two, three. Four, with Uncle. The royal family.
Her father is silent still.
One. Two.
“Forgive my impertinence, Fire Lord,” she says. “I will bring them to you for judgment next time.”
“Do so,” Fire Lord Ozai says. He does not contest the ‘next time.’
- - -
“Crown Princess Azula,” Zuko says.
“Your bandage is off, brother,” Azula says. “Are you blind?”
“No.”
(The blur of her red robes, the eye-searing glint of sunlight off her headpiece—he’s not blind in that eye. He’s just… still recovering.)
“Lovely,” she says. “Then what’s your excuse for the condition of this ship?”
…He has an increased budget for repairs, by the time she’s done. 
- - -
“Brother,” Azula says, “traditionally knives are to be delivered to the back.”
“I… what?” her brother says, still holding out the inexplicable thing. “No, I bought it at port. For you. See, it matches the one Uncle got me.”
“How original,” she says.
Her brother turns a shade of red that puts his bending to shame. Not that it’s a particularly high bar. “Fine, I’ll just—throw it out.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. At the least, Mai will want it.”
- - -
“Nice knife,” says Mai, looking at the hilt peeking out of Azula’s boot.
“Be silent,” Azula says, thus ending that conversation.
- - -
“Did great-grandfather… did we…” starts her brother, fresh from scurrying about the Eastern Air Temple like some particularly dim-witted pheasant-monkey, the dust not even brushed from his clothes even though he knew her ship was waiting down here. “Azula, there were children—”
“Be silent,” she says.
- - -
“You’re leaving frequently,” comments father, as his knife cuts through the pheasant-monkey, clicking against the plate below. The persimmon-cherry sauce is thick and red and smearing.  
“I find it advantageous to cultivate a working knowledge of our nation’s tactics,” Azula answers. She does not push around her meat like a child, but she does eat only lightly; the dish is more sour than she remembers.
“And your brother?”
“Oh, him,” she says, to which her father smiles.
- - -
“...What?” Zuko asks, blinking down at the scrolls. 
“It’s your birthday,” Azula says. “Apparently, I should have gotten you a calendar.”
“Thank you?”
She sighs.
- - -
“Do we… tell him we can hear him?” asks the assistant cook, as the prince continues monologuing. Dramatically, and loudly. Through the pipe connecting the drain of the kitchen sink to the ones in the shower. 
“Ssh, I think this is one of his new plays.”
- - -
She gets him a calendar for his next birthday. It’s not funny.
- - -
He gets her a doll, for hers. The look on Uncle’s face as she torches it in front of them both is hilarious.
- - -
“Brother,” she says, looking up at the damage to his ship. “This is not the way to requisition additional repair funds.”
“Captain Zhao,” her uncle says in the background, with heights of pleasant antagonism she can only aspire to. As if a general could mistake Zhao’s new insignia. Particularly with all the polishing he does. 
“It’s commander now.”
“How did you manage this?” she asks.
“Uh,” Zuko says. “Can we… speak alone?”
She eyes her brother’s shifting stance. Eyes, too, the way Zhao’s men are already moving to intercept and interrogate his crew. One of the new commander’s more noxious habits is stalking her brother’s every move. 
Well. She’d been meaning to deal with that, anyway.
Azula snaps her fingers at the commander’s guards.
“Detain him,” she says. And for a moment, just a moment, her dear uncle freezes, as if she were talking about someone he actually cared for.
The guards don’t. She’s trained them better than that.
“Princess,” Commander Zhao says, his snarl well hidden behind a smile. “What is the meaning of this?”
“Crown Princess Azula,” she corrects. “Now hush; the adults are talking.”
- - -
They have an Avatar to catch, apparently. Her brother is coming home.
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ahsoka-in-a-hood · 1 year
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It’s almost surprising that the mandalorian puts very little effort into depicting Din as an honorable mercenary- his reception is generally that of wholesome dad, but the canon is explicit about him not vetting his targets or his clients, and not caring enough to do so. He changes his mind eventually in the face of a literal baby, but he was fully prepared to do people trafficking for imperials, he generally kills without a flinch, and he says outright to his bounty in tbobf that he doesn’t care who hired him or why, and then... literally delivers a head on a plate, after killing a room full of slaughterhouse workers. That’s... not even between the lines. What did that guy actually do? He clearly has some compassion, and is frequently moved by the people he interacts with, but that’s juxtaposed with his ‘cool’ violence that barely makes an effort to be palatable.
That concession to palatability mostly being that the majority of the people he indiscriminately shoots at in the course of handing over people to anyone who has a grievance and also money, or whenever really, are non human, and the humans he does kill tend to be imperials. and also that whenever he’s in a room with other bounty hunters he comes off better than them because they have no honor(tm). Normally I would maybe say it was bad faith to look at the aliens he killed when he first took Grogu, or the aliens he killed when he infiltrated that imperial facility and there were local “pirates” trying to destroy the explosives they were transporting (but not steal, despite being “pirates”)(knowing the locals were discontented with imperial presence), but when it’s in the text that he doesn’t think too hard about his work or his kills, and no vetting is involved, well.
This is less present in season three for Din, but Axe was much the same.
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inbarfink · 7 months
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Simon Petrikov's whole angst is about being the One Normal Person in Ooo but what sort of goddam weirdo showers with his glasses on?
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sadisthetic · 2 months
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BURST💥
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puppyeared · 3 months
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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mistydragonflyart · 2 years
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Cheers to always learning new things about ourselves and happy pride month!!
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beaft · 8 months
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ok i just googled "autistic elopement" and i'm going a little bit nuts because this:
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is something i did All The Time as a kid. i was consistently in trouble at school for just getting up and leaving the room if i was even mildly stressed or bored, i ran away from home more than once, i had to be constantly supervised to stop me wandering off... at the time it was just put down to me being badly behaved but now i'm like. hm. hmmm.
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somegrumpynerd · 7 months
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Reading back parts of How Nightmare Became Dadmare again and realised I'm always picturing him picking his boys up by their middle so I started imagining how else it might go
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old-long-john · 5 days
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there's a unique sort of black comedy to transitioning in a public-facing job. every damn day I get called 'the lady' at work. sometimes it's only once a day, sometimes I get very lucky and go a day without, sometimes it's relentless. I cut my hair short in the hopes that I'd hear it less. that didn't work. I wear a pronoun badge on my lanyard to give people the hint. one single person has noticed it and corrected themselves in the last 4 months. I figure the tits are kind of a giveaway, but binding makes me more uncomfortable a lot of the time. still, today I wore my binder, with the short hair, with the pronoun badge, and I swear I got called 'the lady' more times than any other day I can remember. at this rate I feel like I'm gonna be out there with a full beard and people will still be calling me the fucking lady
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skitskatdacat63 · 5 months
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2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso
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[sexting u] ur 1960s kirk spock internalised homophobia analysis wouldnt make it 5 seconds on twitter
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