#I felt that story in my soul

[yasmeensh]

Story update

I got to write a good chunk of the opening these past two days. Excited to get more work done over March break. And I can't wait to get to writing more about my daughter T-T But she comes in a bit later in the story. Still in the first act, though.

Some more character design doodles:

#personal project #paleolithic #neanderthal #prehistory #I've been SO BUSY #being a school teacher is so difficult.... #especially with 6-7 year olds. why did I end up with the worst age group #they are angels and devils SIMULTANIOUSLY. #I felt my soul leave my body this week. two of the grade 2 boys dropped f bombs. i was SO SHOCKED. this word could never leave my mouth eve #AND THESE BABIES ARE SAYING IT!!??? #but being a school teacher means you also get school breaks soooo MARCH BREAK LETS GO!!! #First thing I did: write more of the story and go ham with splatoon #the big run was so fun. I still couldn't break through to silver.... :'( #I don't know if I'll get much drawing done. I've been in a zelda 2 mood again. Maybe some zelda 2 art #I need to get back to finishing the remaster! I'm on maze island now. #but on the agenda for SURE is to get the opening of the story done and out of the way so I can start writing the REAL fun stuff #It's taking a while. #rambling again :P #oh and ramadan mubarak! tomorrow is the first day of fasting.

[uncanny-tranny]

I decided to go through my old warm-up notebooks from my honours english class and in one of the warm-up prompts, I said I wanted my superpower to be "controlling the effects of [my] puberty," and I'm glad to say that I've gotten that superpower. It took a very long time, but that's a superpower I can check off my list

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ngl though i felt my very soul wince while reading some of them (including that) #in my old self's defense: i was incredibly dysphoric and had Many Unresolved Issues #i also wasn't really masking in that class and didn't know i should probably not be honest with my notebook #my teacher said that she'd only grade warm-ups we wanted graded and she'd only *potentially* read others 'for fun' #also i always didn't like the 'what superpower would YOU want?' question because. it just annoyed me to know it's impossible to have #(besides the puberty superpower lmao) #as much as i believe in being kind to your past self/selves that doesn't mean i'm not cringing about it 😭 #just so long as you don't turn the cringe into self-hatred i suppose #you cannot hate yourself into being better♡♡ #WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT IN ONE OF THE WARM-UPS I WROTE ABOUT A LESBIAN ROBOT #NEVER MIND I'M DONE CRINGING #man i should make that into a proper short story like. what a concept

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

okay lets see if i can put this into words

it matters that miles is latino

it matters that miles is a latinamerican kid that grew up in new york city with a usamerican father, it matters that he barely speaks spanish

it matters because his entire story is about not being able to find a place where he fits in. a community. a family

miles feels disconnected from the other spideys.

miles is not a "canon" spiderman. he wasnt *supposed* to be spiderman. but he is anyways. he cant relate to the othet spidermans because of the nature of how he became spiderman. by almost every sense of the word, he is an anomaly.

however... hes not an anomaly either. he lost his uncle like every other spidey. he went through the insecurity and problems every other spidey went through. he IS spiderman and no one can take that away from him

it reminds me so much of what it feels to be latinamerican in eurocentric spaces. like a lot.

the opening to miles' situation basically spells it out. "you're a struggling immigrant family" and only his mother is an immigrant. theyre not even struggling. he doesnt even speak spanish. hes not usamerican either. yet he's being forced into boxes. forced into either turning into a usamerican kid completely disregarding his heritage, or make said heritage the only thing thats important about himself

in the same way that he either has to be a spiderman or a civilian

miles is neither. he cant relate to his mother because he barely speaks spanish, he cant relate to the other spidermans because he's not supposed to be there. they shut him out because he's spiderman in a different way than they are.

i cannot stress enough that its his mom the one who tells him that he shouldnt let anyone define him. because people will try to force him into a box no matter what he does. embrace his heritage? he'll just be latino. not do that? he'll lose touch with it. get into the spider-society? he'll lose touch with his own experience as spiderman. not do that? he'll be alone

it MATTERS that this movie puts emphasis on him being latino. it MATTERS that his mom has more relevance.

not to get personal, but i understand the feeling miles has. by almost every definition i am white -- skin color, european heritage, all that. but i am also latinamerican. i grew up in argentina... in one of the more usamericanized cities. in one of the more eurocentric spaces. my id says im argentinian and spanish, but i was never able to identify with the latter. ive never been in touch with the non-european side of my heritage, ive never related to it. ive never related to the european side either

does any of this make sense? for so many latinos its impossible for us to fit into the boxes europeans and usamericans want us to fit into. for so many of us we're just.... a third thing. at least i grew up in my home country, at least i speak my own language; miles doesnt, miles didnt.

for so many of us we either have to live disconnected from our culture in order to be "accepted" by europeans or usamericans, or just be "latino" (which, by the way, is not even a race, yet its treated as one)

also.... isnt it interesting how miguel is mexican? bye bye

#red.txt #atsv spoilers #atsv #spiderman: across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #media analysis #IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND #AT HOW MILES' STORY IS SO SIMILAR TO BEING AMERICANIZED DESPITE NOT BEING AMERICAN #AAAAAAAAAAAA #i felt the 'dont let anyone define you' in my fucking soul man

[cryptidafter]

playboyy continues to be the show I wanted only friends to be: two groups of friends who actually feel like friends (they check in on each other, they argue but they talk things out, there's clear love and appreciation between them), relationships where both parties are their own individual people with their own feelings and desires, a focus on exploring the wide range of sexual experiences and kinks/a well-rounded view of sex work in general, and a fun visual style (the costuming and the set design really add to the dreamlike quality the show has, even with the small budget I think it's being utilized well. I love the contrast between the surrealistic atmosphere and the more grounded murder-mystery plot).

I am so happy!

THE COSTUME PARTY WAS EVERYTHING

ALSO THE TWISTS! THEY KEEP SURPRISING ME!

#cryptid's thoughts #I am frothing at the mouth #when First said “what in the Nicholas Sparks shit is this?” I felt that in my soul lol #it's nice to see how these characters interact w/each other - all the different dynamics - ah it's so fun! #playboyy #playboyy the series #the show has its flaws - nothing is perfect - but I genuinely appreciate the story they're telling and the way they're telling it

[star-ocean-peahen]

I was watching one of those reddit reading videos (i'm pretty picky about the channels i watch for those because it's really easy to tip into misinformation and shock entertainment as opposed to the Tea and some reality checks) and I'm crying right now because I just read one about a kid whose family destroyed all their unicorn memorabilia because they thought it was "satanic", and when the mom came to her senses and tried getting the kid some unicorn trinkets along with an apology the kid just. stared apathetically and said they didn't want it anymore. and fuck, fake story or not, that's fucking real. the guilt and self-loathing and self-denial that comes with being told you're in danger of becoming evil if you love the wrong things or you love something too much is traumatizing. it's so hard to let yourself care about things after that, when you're supposed to weaponize your own joy against you.

for me that seeped into every decision i made. sometimes it just made me uncomfortable, other times i would punish myself for wanting food when i was hungry.

i watched the movie Big Hero Six once with some youth group friends, and after the movie i asked one of my friends what she thought of the movie. the first thing she said was "Um, I thought it was kind of heretical." she was referring to the credits song, which is titled "Immortals". the song is about feeling invincible when with a person you love. but it had the word immortals in it, so it would lure me away from God and ruin my life if I listened to it. (she did like the movie btw she wasn't being a jerk thats just how we were raised)

I loved that song. And I hated myself for loving it. Every time I watched the movie or heard it somewhere, I would fight a painful internal battle of the part of me that enjoyed the song and the part of me that was afraid of doom and annihilation.

I thought by not rejecting the "worldly" joys, i was rejecting God and the infinity of good things he represented, because I was just that stupid that I would pick a momentary joy over eternity. I believed I was choosing my own death by loving non-Christian things.

I don't really have a good end to this. I guess my point is that this kind of thing doesn't automatically seem so destructive, but it really can be.

#i was even raised relatively freely #nobody invaded my boundaries to enforce this #nobody ever told my the state of my soul rested on my ability to love the right things only #they actually tried very hard to impress upon me that things you do aren't going to send you to hell its faith not works and all that #and ngl that messed me up a lot because i couldn't pinpoint a reason why i felt that way #hhhhh #i really feel for the person who wrote that story if theyre even real #i get it man #i get it #tw christianity #tw religion #tw religious trauma #tw religious abuse #lassie vents #vent

[emmodii-mode]

Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).

I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-

Her face before she flies off---

She looks so heartbroken and sad.

#emmodii rambles #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate series #lae'zel #spoilers #i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF. #may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'( #for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something? #but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft #ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA. #anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot #also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the #other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff #which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't #grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL. #trust me to overthink things hahaha XD #if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha #what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH #of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact #...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide #is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy? #gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks #ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have #to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci #hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-

[perenlop]

my hope for the pokemon presents that i know will not happen is gates to infinity remake ok bye

#listen i knowwwwwwww explorers is more popular and its got more fans and itd sell well and itd be good to see it in the spotlight #i agree with all that it makes sense. but i cant help but view it as a bowsers inside story remake scenario #where its just like. kinda pointless bc the original is functionally fine #meanwhile my soul hurts when i think about how gti was kinda screwed over by its development and time #it came out during that time all 3ds games felt really janky to play so it feels awkward #and like. just compare the environments in gti compared to psmd #psmd doessss have more diverse environments to be fair but environments that should feel more grand just feel off in gti #like glacier palace doesnt look AWFUL but it hurts to see it compared to the animated version from the commercials #and like. imagine the glow up if it got the dx treatment. if the environments were all fixed and the job system was updated #and we got a larger starter pool and maybe even a postgame. ik they didnt add much to pmd dx #but that game had a fairly beefy postgame and all that while gti has.... pretty much nothing besides dlc #anyways it wont happen bc gti is the most hated pmd game by a fairly wide margin and itd piss ppl off and itd probably get a bullshit $60 #price tag #but like. i want it. i want it ok. i want to see them fix gti and bring out its full potential. i love its story sm #ik theres the demake but theyre also changing the pokemon choices there (which ik they cant help. repository doesnt have timburr and gurdur #but still) so i kinda wanna wait to see when thats done or its got all the assets

[designernishiki]

I feel like I liked yakuza 5 a lot more than most people for some reason

#like a lot of people seem to not like it or think it’s mid #idk man but it was one of the games I enjoyed most and I really liked the range of characters you get to play #love me a murder mystery too #idk I think people seem to not like how disjointed the plot is at first and trying to keep up with everyone’s seperate plot and characters #and etc. but I personally really liked how it was all disjointed and the further you get into the game / the more characters you play the #more shit starts coming together and forming a full picture #like don’t get me wrong it’s not perfect and I do have qualms with some. choices. (mostly having to do with majima and #mirei) but overall it’s one of the games I’ve enjoyed the most and that’s kept me interested in the plot the most #fantastic to get a more in-depth look at haruka and to get to really know her by playing her and seeing how she interacts with people and #choices she makes and etc. I don’t think she was a fully fleshed out character prior to that #loved her with all my heart already don’t get me wrong but she just didn’t have much time on screen especially as a teenager to fully get #her personality across and some of the issues she deals with (mommy issues. abandonment issues #etc). #and her and uncle akiyama are a very nice unexpected duo!!! #the different settings were fun too. overall I think the whole thing just felt like more of a streamlined story in a way with drastically #different viewpoints depending on the character #also shinada’s a gift. bless him #daigo feels three dimensional and emotionally present in a way I didn’t see much in other games- even when he’s literally a boss in 4. tbh #the only other time I think he feels really solid as a character is in fuckin dead souls. I think it’s cause it’s SO rare to see daigo in #non-serious situations or vulnerable with people on purpose. dead souls has the first thing and y5 has a bit of both #and I could complain more about how y6 SHOULD have made daigo more present instead of sending him to fuckin jail the whole time but. I do #get that that was kind of important to the plot. I mean to have that power vacuum. don’t think all three of them should’ve been put in jail #but I digress. anyway I got off topic point is I enjoyed yakuza 5 it is very unique in my opinion #y5 #rambling #ALL THESE TAGS AND I FORGOT TO MENTION KIRYU BEING ANGSTY AND GAY AS HELL. THE BEST PART OF YAKUZA 5

[soldier-poet-king]

I'm experiencing existential shrimp emotions and yet still expected to play nice and go to work and it's just. Man. Man. I wanna sit around and think and feel until I reach some sort of tenable equilibrium. Not just crush the intensity under my heel into apathy, or at least the false facade of apathy. I care too deeply! Let me care about every little thing intensely and consumptively! I don't WANT to not be like this.

#work is good work can be good work is a worthy task #this isnt anti work #this is just anti work right now while im Experiencing Things #anyway sleep did NOT remedy yesterdays emotional time from finishing my durge run in bg3 #just. i cant think about it without going wild again #all new emotions unlocked #i cannot stop thinking abt astarion and durge and shared monstrosity and autonomy and freedom #and choosing to grow and be better and how awful and scary and terrible it is #when there is nothing left. you have nothing of yourself left #and you sitll have to go on and choose what you want to be #and that's so terrifying and so good #im kinda. like. the most insanely jealous ive ever been in my life #u know the sea longing? the soul deep ache for smthn you know you wont ever have? #because it's not for people like you. or that the acquisition would destroy you? or smthn else #but it's just. yeah. yeah. i am experiencing things #partially just maybe that dopamine crash. y'know the post concert blues #except not a concert. just a really good game. a really good story #i havent felt this intensely abt a game in awhile #or not for this long. it didn't linger to this extent. #alas. work to do.chores to do.etc etc etc #im so ready for vacation next week. im tired. #like on the one hand i need long term direction. i need a goal. a purpose. a duty #yes i risk the perception of the self as a non person and simply a tool with a use #but i already see myself as a thing with no value but use. at least with direction id have a purpose #on the other hand. i fear it. because i dont want to lose the intensity. i dont want to #i dont want to be even keeled and calm. i dont want to give up my anxiety and sadness if it means also losing the highs of joy and elation #is the dramatic swing of moods healthy? perhaps not. but how else am i to experience the breadth and depth of human emotion. of the soul? #i understand the poets. the romantics. i lack their skill. but i understand the heart of it. #the most important thing there is. maybe.

[pummelingbat]

<- guy who's probably going to start drawing Astarion, unfortunately

#txt #im furious about this i feel like i got twink trapped #went into this game like “idk im sure hes fine but i'll probably be underwhelmed by him :^/” #and for the first five-six hours i was fully immune. i was like oh my god his sob story is boring actually. disappointing. #idk what happened tho i woke up yesterday and felt possessed. his icy grip has touched my soul. #new guy to draw having nervous little shaking chihuahua breakdowns just dropped. #hey you know this format of post doesnt work on tumblr. just realized that. the arrow does not point at my icon. #oh well....

[phantom-curve]

queen charlotte is actually one of the saddest shows I’ve ever watched holy shit

#literally sobbed over every episode #when her kids called her out on being a bad mom I felt that in my soul #finished it last week and I am STILL thinking about how heartbreaking the whole thing was #you think it’s a love story only to realize too late it is actually a tragedy #talk about being haunted by a narrative #(except I’m the one being haunted) #honestly wish bridgerton was more that flavor I would take this mini series over the main one every time #mads speaks #queen charlotte

[tutuandscoot]

-Scott Moir on their gold medal winning free dance at the Vancouver, 2010 Olympics x

Also on IG in video form x

#it’s the “DANCING together’ that gets me #❤️‍🩹 #Rod black interview gifs #Scott is a poet #I know it’s stereotypical it say.. but that coming from a guy.. #that he felt so beautiful and free #dancing with his best friend #the purity of that #what a special soul he is #and after all they had been through #in that year leading up especially.. nearly torn apart #then to get to share this experience #it’s just the most beautiful story of love and friendship #vancouver 2010 #fd: mahler #shit Scott Moir says #scooter #scootie patootie #my dancing bbys

[tenitchyfingers]

still not over the end of Barry

#did anyone notice perhaps #i don't know what to do with my life #this shit is hitting harder than i thought it would #and i don't even know what to do about it #generally i'd write fanfiction but i don't have ships here #and i have no notes #i don't want the story to go in another direction #and the original is just perfect as it is #no need to add or change anything #but it also breaks my heart genuinely #fundamentally Barry Berkman is a flawed man who had so much potential to be a good person #and in multiple instances he showed he was always capable of actual love for another human being #hell the bit where he gets Sally after she killed that guy #and told her 'you didn't do this i did - say barry berkman did this' even though he didn't #because the reasoning is 'i'm already broken and a goner & i don't want you to become like me' #what is that if not selfless love #barry hbo #and in many ways i really relate to the feeling of being fundamentally broken #i'm not a murderer but i've felt broken and completely alone so often - matter of fact that's how i live my life #so i can't help it - i'll never resist empathizing with a broken soul #when the world's kicked the shit out of you enough you get it

[commander-goo]

posting this now because I think the high has worn off. opinions in the tags

#totk spoilers #totk story spoilers #major spoilers #totks story was mid as hell #the gerudo area was hands down the best part of the game #everything else felt violently undercooked especially for a game that has techically been in development for #LIKE 10+ YEARS #im awaiting the inevitable 30 dollar story dlc that half-assedly attempts to fill us in on vital information that was just left out #i hate what they did with zelda #the sage shit is stupid as hell and so are the zonai (sorry mineru this isnt about you) #also them forgetting the triforce is like a thing i guess 😐 #like yes. yes i enjoyed the game exploring and Playing It is fun #but oh my god your series is known for its story and THIS is what you give us #not even going to TOUCH the absolute timeline fuckening that occured here too #like congrats devs i guess. you got your aliens in zelda but At What Fucking Cost #also not touching ganondorf. my man will never be given justice and i have accepted that #this game just. it doesnt have the soul botw does. it explains too much and too little at the same time #ok i think thats all. if you read all this ill kiss you passionately under the moonlight

[bidokja]

uncanny charm finished last week and im just laying here like....please....side chapters...i miss them sjdhgf

#i actually wasnt expecting it to end right there i felt it was ending soon but not THAT soon ashjdfg #it feels like theres some loose threads that need tying #will we ever know why beomjin has the powers he does/why those powers exist #and WHY do his eyes and power glow the exact same color as king sobyeols eyes and power like #I FEEL LIKE THAT IS A SIGNIFICANT THING TO EXPLAIN #like. my theory is. beomjin is The Flower that god poured power into #that flowers soul eventually became beomjin #and this is how he's tied to yoonjae by fate as well?? #since yoonjae is a reincarnation of the little brother who took care of the flower...allegedly #at first i thought yoonjae was supposed to be the actual reincarnation of yeomoh's little brother #but then we see the little brothers soul near the end? so that can't be yoonjae #anyways like i said #lots of stuff left unsaid #which is fine if its like. unsaid but tied together well. this doesnt feel tied together well unfortunately #like SUPER FUN SERIES REALLY COOL PREMISE #everything felt like it was ABOUT to be tied together perfectly! but then the ending kinda made everything feel messy #felt like the author rushed it a bit or like. got paused midair before sticking the landing. odd. #anyways im hoping for some side stories at least since the author mentioned those were on the table #uncanny charm #ky speaks

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry guys thought about daigo for a second. might explode and take out the city block with me idk

#snap chats #i was going to rb that one rggo story And I Still Will and for some reason i felt my soul inflate three times at the thoughta daigo #he's just so lovely and i like how his brain works #i want his brain.