#I finally get a fossil you can tell me about

[zooophagous]

So why do you hate the advertising industry?

Hokay so.

Let me preface this with some personal history. It's not relevant to the sins of the advertising industry perse but it illustrates how I started to grow to hate it.

I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up, but to be a vet you basically have to be good enough to get into medical school. I do not have the math chops or discipline to make it in medical school. I went into art instead, and in a desperate attempt to find some commercial viability that didn't involve moving to California, I went into graphic design.

I've been a graphic designer for about seven or eight years now and I've worn a lot of hats. One of them was working in a print shop. Now, the print shop had a lot of corporate customers who had various ad campaigns. One of them was Gate City Bank, which had a bigass stack of postcards ordered every couple months to mail to their customers.

Now, paper comes from Dakota Paper, and they make their paper the usual way. Somewhere far, far from our treeless plain there is a forest of tall trees. These trees are cut down and put on big fossil fuel burning trucks and hauled to a paper mill that turns them into pulp while spewing the most fowl odors imaginable over the neighboring town and loads the pulp up with bleach to give it a nice white color.

Then the paper is put on yet another big truck and hauled off to the local paper depot, then put on another big truck and delivered to my print shop, where I turned the paper into postcards telling people to go even deeper into debt to buy a boat because it's almost summer. The inks used are a type of nasty heat sensitive plastic that is melted to the surface of the paper with heat. Then the postcards are put on yet ANOTHER truck and sent to the bank, which puts them on ANOTHER truck and finally into the hands of their customers, who open their mail and take one look at the post card and immediately discard it.

Heaps and heaps and literal hundreds of pounds of literal garbage created at the whim of the marketing team several times a year. And thats just one bank in one city.

I came to realize very quickly that graphic design was the delicate art of turning trees into junk mail.

And wouldn't you know it there are a TON of companies that basically only do junk mail. Many of them operate under the guise of a "charity," sending you pictures of suffering children or animals and begging for handouts and when they get those handouts the executives take a nice fat cut, give some small token amount to whatever cause they pay lip service to, and then put the rest of the cash right back into making more mailers. "Direct mail marketing" they call it.

Oh but maybe it's not so bad, you can advertise online after all. Now that there's decent ad blocker out there and better anti-virus ads usually don't destroy your computer anymore just by existing.

Except now when I search for the exact business I want on Google it's buried under three or four different "promoted search items" tricking me into clicking on them only to shoot themselves in the foot because I searched for the specific result I wanted for a reason and couldn't use those other websites even if I felt like it.

And now we have advertising on YouTube and on every streaming service, forcing more and more eyes onto the ad for the brand new Buick Envision that parks itself because you're too stupid to do it on your own.

Oh thats ok maybe I'll get Spotify premium and go ad free and listen to some podcasts- SIKE we have the hosts of your show doing the song and dance now. Are you depressed and paranoid from listening to my true crime podcast about murdered and mutilated teenagers? That's ok, my sponsor Better Help can keep you sane enough to stay alive and spend more money.

It's gotten so terrible that now you have content farms, huge hubs of shell companies that crank out video after video to get more and more precious clicks. Which if the videos were innocuous maybe that wouldn't be so awful except now you have cooking hacks that can actually burn your house down and craft hacks that can electrocute you being flung into your eyes at the speed of mach fuck so some slimy internet clickbait jockey doesn't need to get a real job.

It of course goes without saying that animals are also relentlessly exploited by clickbait companies that will put them in compromising situations on purpose to create a fake fishing hack video or even just straight up killing them for sport by feeding small animals to a pufferfish that rips them apart for the camera.

And all of this, ALL of this doesn't even touch how adveritising is the death of art in general. Queer topics, any kind of interesting art, any kind of sex or substance use topics are scrubbed clean and hidden at the behest of advertisers.

Sex education, a nude statue, topics such as racism or sexism or bigotry in general have tags purged or hidden from search, even life saving information about SDTs or drug use, because if someone saw that and complained then Verizon might sell fewer tablets and we can't fucking have that.

Conservative talking heads often bitch and moan that they're being censored on social media. The stupid part is, they're right! They are being censored! But it's not by a woke mob, it's by ATT and Coca Cola not wanting their adspace sharing screen time with their stupid fucking opinions.

However, they won't ever figure that out, because the talking heads they get their marching orders from like Tucker and Jones ALSO rely on the sweet milk flowing from the sponsorship teat and they aren't about to turn on their meal ticket so they have to come up with even stupider shit to say for the train to continue rolling.

I managed to rant this far without even getting into the ads I see for the beauty industry. The other day a botox ad described wrinkles as "moderate to severe crows feet" as if wrinkles are a symptom of a fucking serious disease! Like having a flaw in your skin is a medical problem that you need thousands of dollars of literal botulism toxin to fix! I was incandescent with anger.

Advertising is a polluting, censoring, anti educational and anti art industry at it's very core. It destroys human connections, suppresses human thought and makes us hate our own bodies. It ads no value, actively detracts from value, and serves no real purpose and I believe it should be almost if not entirely banned.

[jyoongim]

Heyyy, it’s me again, the singer anon. Can I request an Alastor x Reader where she is sent by as a spy by Vox after our fav slithery boy failed? She’s really bubbly and friendly, but she eventually grows to care for everyone in the hotel but Vox owns her soul. She torn in between getting herself killed by him and not betraying anyone anymore, or continuing the job. She goes and confesses to Alastor, breaking down and thinking he’ll kill her, which she thinks would be best so she doesn’t have to betray anyone anymore. Just breaking down in tears telling him she doesn’t want to hurt anyone but Vox has her under a contract, begging him to kill her so she doesn’t have to. Just for Alastor to call her a good girl and ughhhh some possessive smut if you don’t mind? Sorry brain rots in my head and I’m in love with him, lol. Thank you! <3 also the three requests story set off the trigger in my head, loved it! Thanks again! <3!

This been in my inbox for weeks and i finally got a plot for it!

⚠️warning: 18+! Smut smut smut! Plot if you look hard enough!

—————————————————————————————

No one suspected a thing.

You were sent to the Hazbin Hotel after Sir Pentious miserable attempt.

Your orders were simple: ”Keep an eye out on that old fossil. I want to know why that fucker is sucking up the Lucifer’s daughter”

And you did just that…you were executing your mission flawlessly.

Until you began to care about those who stayed at the hotel.

Until you began to grow closer to the Radio Demon.

————————————————————————————

You had been staying at the hotel for a few months now and its been great!

Charlie was always finding new ways to help the residents build bonds and encouraging everyone to do their best.

At first, you were arrogant, playing along until you actually saw the the demons there were actually changing even if they didn’t admit it

But now, you thought of the princess as a friend, along with everyone else.

Especially Alastor.

Now that you’ve been around him, you’re not sure why Vox hate the demon so much.

Alastor was funny, kind (in his own twisted way), and truly looked after the hotel.

A soft smile curled on your lips as you thought about the demon, but the ringing of your phone interrupted such thoughts.

Vox.

You took a deep breath and answered “H-Hello?”

”Tonight’s your chance to take out that prick and after that come home” he demanded.

You blinked “what? B-but Vox…” you bit your lips “But it’s actually nice here. The hotel isn’t a scam…a-and everyone is a lot nicer than we thought ” Vox laughed “Oh baby please! Nice? You actually believe in that redemption crap? You think that they’ll let you stay if they knew why you truly were there? Hahaha! Oh my dumb little girl, how naive you are. ” 

You pouted, a frown on your face “I want to stay”

Vox growled through the phone “ah ah baby you don’t make demands remember?” 

Electrical shocks ran through your body from the collar you wore.

You gasped in pain “I OWN you. Did you forget that? You do whatever I say when I say it. Now I expect you home before morning or I will kill you.”

The phone call ended and you were in tears.

You didn’t want to go back. 

You liked being at the hotel and able to be yourself. 

You liked the friends you had made here.

You would do anything for them, even if you had to die to make your wrongs right.

————————————————————————

“Come in” the voice answered after you knocked on the door. You were sweating as you stood outside of Alastor’s door.

You had decided that if you were going to tell anyone why you were at the hotel, it would be Alastor.

You opened the door and walked into his radio studio.

”Hey Al” you said weakly as the demon spun around and smiled at you “Hello darlin! What do I owe the pleasure?”

You fiddled with your hands.

”I want to tell you why I came to the hotel”

Alastor quirked a eyebrow, smile widening as he gestured for you to take a seat on the couch.

”Do entertain me of your tale my dear”

You were in tears by the time you finished telling Alastor everything.

Of Vox and his plan.

The deal between you and Vox.

The reason you came to the hotel.

Everything.

”I-I’m sorry! So so sorry! I-I just didn’t know what to do!

Kill me! I deserve it! J-Just let me say my goodbyes first. I would rather you kill me than Vox! Please!” You cried, hands covering your face as you sobbed.

Alastor had been quiet for the entirety of your confession. He had half a mind to kill you when you told him of your deal with Vox.

The pesky television didn’t know when to mind his business.

His eyes focused on the collar around your neck.

 You were Vox’s and by contract, he wasn’t allowed to kill you.

And he wasn’t. No he had grown accustom to the pretty demon who seemed to light the hotel’s halls.

However…he could override Vox’s ownership of your soul.

You flinched when you felt a large hand pat the top of your head. You looked up through teary eyes ay Alastor, who just sported a soft smile.

”Now now my dear don’t you worry. I appreciate that you came to and confided in me. What a good girl you are.” His smile stretched as you sniffled, looking at him with glossy eyes.

”Y-Youre not g-gonna k-kill me?” You asked looking down.

He chuckled as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, claws finding their way under your chin to make you look at him

He rolled his eyes ”Oooh my dear of course not…” His fingers trailed down your neck, toying with your collar. “But I am in a bit of predicament”

You wiped at your eyes “how so?”

“Under normal circumstances, I would rip you to shreds and broadcast your screams for all of Hell to hear” his pupils turned to dials and his smiled turned wicked. You felt your heart stop a little.

He calmed down slightly “however I have another idea to break your deal with Vox” 

He smiled at you as you tilted your head in confusion.

”I know just the thing hehehe”

————————————————————————————

You whimpered as you tried to hold yourself up against the force of Alastor’s thrusts. “A-Al!” You whined as the demon tugged your hair to pull your body into his. A deep growl vibrated through you as Alastor sunk into your weeping heat, his cock hitting that soft spot inside you.

“Fuuuucckk!” You hissed, eyes rolling into your skull as your body buzzed with pleasure.

Alastor pulled your body til your back was flushed against his chest, his sharp teeth nipped at your skin before latching on and marking you. You winced as his tongue lapped at the blood, he purred as trailed his tongue up your neck.

”To think Vox had such a sweet cunt all to himself. Ooh darlin you’re wasted on him. But you’ll be a good girl for me wont you? You seem to love having a real cock fucking you” he chortled, giving you a harsh thrust. His hips grinded up into your ass, coaxing your cunt to take every inch over and over.

Your gummy walls tightened around him as you whined at his words. You could barely focus on what he was saying, not giving two shits either as he bullied your insides.

”I-I can be a good girl please please oh fuck! Aah! Aah!” You whined. Alastor’s large hands trailed up your body; kneading, pawing, and squeezing at your supple flesh. Pausing at your bouncing tits to tweak your hardened nipples, sending currents to your abandoned clit.

“I know you will baby” 

He nudges his head into yours, to gain your attention and capture your lips with his, swallowing your moans as one of his hands moves down to toy with your puffy clit.

Your body jerked as he rubbed tight circles on the bud; your cunt fluttering as slick dripped down your thighs.

”Ill make a deal with you darlin” he whispered against your lips, lidded eyes staring into yours, as you mewled, wanting his tongue back down your throat. 

“I keep this little mishap under wraps and in return you belong to me. Youre free to do whatever your heart but im no pushover m,a cherie.”

His thrusts sped up as he pinched your clit.

You keened, pushing your hips back into his, trying to follow the motion of his fingers, seeking to reach your orgasm.

”Do we have a deal?” He purred never breaking his pace.

Your collar let out blue sparks, Vox’s way of ‘reinforcing’ his control over you. You whimpered as the shocks edged you, but Alastor let out a deep growl as he wrapped his claws around the collar.

”Do we have a deal?” A snap of his hips pulled a moan from your throat.

”oh! Yes! Yes! F-fuuuc-cckk”

Static ran through your body causing you to jerk as your orgasm washed over you, your collar fizzled out as Alastor’s cock pounded your cunt, riding your orgasm out.

The wet SQUELCH! Of your cunt echoed as high pitched whines left your throat. 

“That’s a good girl. Cummin all over my cock. Feels better than that robot huh? Yeeesss fuck! Take my cum darlin take it”

Your eyes crossed as your mouth opened in a scream. Alastor crashed his lips on yours, tongue pushing through your lips and pulling you into a heated kiss as he pumped you full of his cum.

Alastor let out a sigh as he slipped out of you, cock coated in creamy essence and smiling as he watched your cunt clench around nothing and dripping cum.

In your dazed state, you faintly heard a snap and a cool sensation coated your neck.

Instead of the sapphire jeweled collar, a gold chained ruby hung from your neck.

Alastor hummed as he rubbed your tired body, smiling wickedly as he slotted back into your soppy heat. You moaned softly as he rolled his hips against you.

”now lets send that mediocre podcast a proper video”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #jyoongim #alastor the radio demon #alastor x y/n #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor smut #vox hazbin hotel #sir pentious

[astonmartinii]

honey, honey [mamma mia part three] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso & jenson button

mamma mia | no more ace to play | masterlist | tips

yourusername

liked by jensonbutton, charles_leclerc and 1,098,455 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel & jensonbutton

yourusername: little chick is finally showing and these old men are still obsessed with cars even though i'm RIGHT THERE !!

view all comments

user1: oh to be the one receiving those photos of fernando

user2: yeah yeah they're having a kid BUT the sheer amount of seb + fernando + jenson content we're gonna get

fernandoalo_oficial: so you go to goodwood with them but don't come to my race :(

yourusername: babe they outnumbered you but we'll be there in canada !!

jensonbutton: sorry some of us didn't choose to be a fossil in an f1 car. just hurry up and retire

yourusername: woah woah, let nando have his lil hobby

fernandoalo_oficial: y/n tell him he can't call me old

yourusername: jenson, fernando isn't a fossil, you know we prefer the term precious artefact, please apologise

jensonbutton: i'm sorry???

user3: omg this is going so fast

danielricciardo: ahhhh y/n is showing !! this is so exciting

sebastianvettel: chickie is the size of a lemon i think

danielricciardo: and you'll all be in canada?

yourusername: yes! i can't wait to meet all of you

danielricciardo: *can't wait to meet chickie's god father

fernandoalo_oficial: daniel you know we haven't decided that yet

jensonbutton: also i've partied with you, why do you think i'd trust you with my kid?

danielricciardo: ummm every child is entitled to a fun uncle ??

user4: i am once again stating how fucking obsessed i am with this set up

yourusername

liked by mickschumacher, jensonbutton and 1,298,450 others

yourusername: my personal favourite snippets of the god father applications. not sure it really made me trust any of them any more than before.

view all comments

user5: i was not expecting to actually see the applications but they defo didn't disappoint

maxverstappen1: ummmmm @charles_leclerc what do you mean? you are the instigator YOU pushed me into that puddle

charles_leclerc: it's okay max get it out (@sebastianvettel @fernandoalo_oficial @jensonbutton see how i am able to de- escalate this situation)

maxverstappen1: try and de-escalate this foot up your literal ass

charles_leclerc: i will put you in time out (i.e. watch your ass going into turn one)

yourusername: you guys realise this is not helping the application right?

maxverstappen1: nuh uh who wouldn't want a world champion as a god father

charles_leclerc: low blow verstappen

yourusername: girlies chickie has dads with seven championships between them so i really don't think she'll be impressed by two

user6: i'm sorry but roscoe hamilton as the reference is killing me

user7: full government name and everything

sebastianvettel: you guys laughed at me but this has amused me to no end

yourusername: you're a genius and i love you for this

user8: L BOMB?

jensonbutton: i take back calling the idea dumb, you were right :(

sebastianvettel: oh how the tables have turned

fernandoalo_oficial: can we all just agree that we never thought those dumbasses would actually fill one in?

yourusername: it makes me even more excited to meet them

jensonbutton: trust me the charm wears off real quick

user9: the way kimi wrote nothing and will probably end up being the god father anyway

jensonbutton

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, alexalbon and 832,087 others

tagged: yourusername

jensonbutton: best thing about pregnancy cravings is i have an excuse to use seb's insane car collection and brush up on my french

view all comments

user13: on dad duty with the dad angle he's ready

user14: honestly my heart is so warm over the fact that they've all embraced the situation

user15: girl we saw jenson and nando at mclaren together ... it's been coming

user16: oh and that one podium with jenson and seb they just need a girl they all liked to get their shit together and that's the most them thing ever

sebastianvettel: a man goes to one meeting and suddenly julie is being taken on grocery runs

jensonbutton: y/n wanted bagels so ?

sebastianvettel: i know we're having an actual kid but be careful with my mechanical kids as well

jensonbutton: do you forget i'm literally a driver too honey

yourusername: thanks for the bagel baby bagel dates 4 ever

fernandoalo_oficial: cream cheese and salmon WITHOUT ME?

yourusername: we put it in the fridge for when you get home :(

fernandoalo_oficial: awwwww really ???

yourusername: we love you (but also you can't eat soft cheese or raw fish while pregnant)

fernandoalo_oficial: it's the thought that counts?

user17: god this looks like domestic bliss, how does one come about three men to have a kid with in the swiss mountains?

yourusername: honestly i'm so lucky

sebastianvettel: we're luckier

jensonbutton: we're luckier

fernandoalo_oficial: we're luckier

yourusername: fucking hormones are making me ball my eyes out

f1

liked by estebanocon, yourusername and 1,239,086 others

f1: category is ... baby presents !! y/n y/ln made her paddock debut with sebastian vettel and jenson button to support fernando alonso 💚

view all comments

user21: omg seb in his aston martin gear to support nando

user22: imagine showing this to someone in 2010 i think they would have a heart attack

danielricciardo: i had the best present ever god father is in the bag

charles_leclerc: i read your application there's no way, plus seb loves ferrari so my gift will be the best

mickschumacher: lets be real my application was the best

estebanocon: eh i think kimi's was the best

mickschumacher: he literally wrote nothing ????

estebanocon: and yet he outdid all of yall... embarrassing for some

user23: i feel like this fight to be god father is gonna end with a fist fight in the parking lot

yourusername: and i'll be there with my popcorn

sebastianvettel: maybe let's not encourage fighting

yourusername: why not, these squabbles over being in charge if all FOUR of chickie's parents die are the most entertaining thing in the world to me

jensonbutton: lets halt it on the fighting and dying talk okay (i will also be front row to watch these morons fight)

maxverstappen1: if it's a fist fight clear win for me imo

fernandoalo_oficial: how did we get here (i will referee)

danielricciardo: respectfully maxy, i will beat your ass

maxverstappen1: NUH UH

kimiraikkonen: i'm winning no question

sebastianvettel: now that i agree with

yourusername: i thought you were against fighting?

sebastianvettel: i guess it would be kind of funny (especially because any physical violence is an immediate red flag)

user24: okay but can someone actually let us know who got what cause i know these men probably got the dumbest shit that can never actually be used by a child

user25: there's a thread on twitter!

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 934,045 others

fernandoalo_oficial: old man still got it 👍 thank you to the team for your help, needed to impress y/n with my day job x

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user27: impending fatherhood got nando looking like he can make it an eight championship house

sebastianvettel: @yourusername he's good but i was better

jensonbutton: @yourusername and i was even better x

fernandoalo_oficial: ummm this is literally my post about MY podium?

sebastianvettel: i would've won but that's just me 😬

fernandoalo_oficial: 2013 called and it wants your attitude back 🤨

jensonbutton: it's been ten years guys... (i would've also won)

sebastianvettel: well my trophy cabinet is the fullest so chickie will know who was the best by that :)

yourusername: the sexual tension is killing me, how did yall not shag back in 2010?

jensonbutton: too busy winning and being sluts elsewhere x

maxverstappen1: yall claim you would've won? yall wouldn't get close to me sorry not sorry

sebastianvettel: oh look who's out of the running for god father

maxverstappen1: NO I TAKE IT BACK

yourusername: don't worry maxy, he's joking the bee keeping suit went down VERY WELL

charles_leclerc: he's such a cheat i didn't even know they existed :(

maxverstappen1: you snooze you loose

yourusername: @charles_leclerc i'm craving pasta, i heard it's good in the ferrari hospitality

charles_leclerc: on it 🫡

fernandoalo_oficial: so is no one going to congratulate me?

yourusername: CONGRATS BUB! turns out you ARE great at your day job (and very sexy drenched in champagne)

sebastianvettel: i agree

jensonbutton: i agree

yourusername: once again how did yall make it through the 2010s

user28: i'm trying not to be weird about this but i know their sex life must be crazy

yourusername

liked by jensonbutton, danielricciardo and 1,403,677 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial

yourusername: baby's first f1 weekend and daddy nando did not disappoint (neither did the grid, yall are so generous thank you)

view all comments

user29: i am so unwell this is all so cute i might die

fernandoalo_oficial: i would get any shit box on the podium for you guys

yourusername: NO BRAKES! NO TYRES! OUT OF THE POINTS!

jensonbutton: babe that was over five years ago...

yourusername: ummmm i'm doing my research on your careers? i'd never watched f1 i needed to catch up

sebastianvettel: who showed you this?

yourusername: oscar and lando said they'd give me a quick fire history lesson

fernandoalo_oficial: @oscarpiastri @landonorris i've won 32 races and you show y/n that?

landonorris: funny?

oscarpiastri: we also showed her multi 21, sorry not sorry seb

sebastianvettel: not my four championships?

oscarpiastri: justice for my manager

user30: obsessed with how y/n can watch old races and most of the time one of her bfs win 😭

alexalbon: so great to finally meet you! the albon pets hope it's a girl!

yourusername: don't tell them i told you this but me too

jensonbutton: we can literally all see this?

yourusername: you guys would be such girl dads lets be real

user31: potential girl dad seb, jenson and fernando DO NOT THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME

user32: do NOT let seb name them he's already used all of the good bond girl names

sebastianvettel: i'll have you know kinky kylie is a top tier name

yourusername: for a car. do not suggest any names affiliated with any spy films

sebastianvettel

liked by astonmartinf1, mickschumacher and 1,459,832 others

tagged: yourusername, jensonbutton & fernandoalo_oficial

sebastianvettel: thought i'd have a quiet life after retirement, i thought wrong

view all comments

user33: the BEAR ???

user34: what if i die so i can be reincarnated as the f1 baby

jensonbutton: always arguing over who is the best driver but yet i am always designated driver ... makes you think

sebastianvettel: you're the one who pulls the "i'm the oldest" card ... makes you think

fernandoalo_oficial: only one of us is still racing ... makes you think

yourusername: someone is waiting to go to bed but some people are arguing in the comment section ... makes you think

user35: this kid is going to have the most entertaining childhood ever...

yourusername: @fernandoalo_oficial retire so you can join the crochet club

fernandoalo_oficial: no can do i need to bring home the bacon (and beat lewis)

lewishamilton: why am i catching strays? can i join the crochet club instead of fernando?

yourusername: it's strictly bring your own yarn and real housewives only

lewishamilton: make it beverly hills and i'm there

fernandoalo_oficial: ummmmm ??? @mercedesamgf1 ur driver is retiring you heard it hear first

yourusername: you guys gonna beef over crochet as well?

fernandoalo_oficial: yes.

lewishamilton: yes.

jensonbutton: okay nando you're the only one we're waiting for, we're debating god fathers

fernandoalo_oficial: one sec my pr team called me, turns out you can't make up a rumour that lewis hamilton is retiring, who knew?

maxverstappen1: VOTE FOR ME PLEASE

charles_leclerc: you've won enough this season, let me have this one

mickschumacher: i'll bring breakfast in the morning for three votes at least

yourusername: do NOT try and bribe the jury.

note: PART THREE! okay so it's finally here and i hope it's what you guys were looking for... the race for god father is heating up and the name arguments are only just starting... i am enjoying the pregnancy content but i'm excited for baby time !!!

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @minkyungseokie @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch @imagandom @mypage-myfandoms @mehrmonga @asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt @multilovebot @lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn @nothingfuninthislife @rileynicol3 @kodzuvk @mochimommy2002 @fluffyspaceprincess @roseseraj @black-swan-blog27 @nyrasslut @justdreamersdream @asfaraslifegets @why4anne @ineffableperson @leilanixx @lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog @rafaaoli @champomiel @sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #sebastian vettel instagram au #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso instagram au #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso #fernando alonso imagine #jenson button instagram au #jenson button x reader #jenson button imagine #mamma mia au #astonmartinii

[ziggyzolch]

Headache II (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

Summary: Finally waking up from your forced nap, you have a discussion with the rest of the team. Warnings: Swearing and general tomfoolery Previous Part

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❅❅❅

You can hear two, maybe three voices in the same room as you. From what you've gathered, you're in some kind of hotel room, and have been asleep for at least an hour. Peaking open one eye, you see a man with silver highlights in his hair, and the same woman that kidnapped you. An idea sparks in your mind.

They had been facing you for the 5 minutes you've been awake, but after painstakingly waiting 2 more minutes and almost falling back asleep, they turn away from you. You have no idea when they're gonna turn back, so you quickly walk up behind them. The man turns first.

"I think we could convince her to stay- What the fuck!" at his girly scream, Wanda turns and punches you in the nose. Doubled down clutching your nose and laughing your ass off, you point at the man, "You scream like a girl!" Before you could fall back down in laughter, Wanda picks you up by your shirt collar and pushes you against the bedroom door.

"Is it impossible for you to just. Be. Normal." she grits out.

"Yup. More importantly though, you are so strong." You reach out to touch her bicep, but she slaps your hand away.

"I can't wait till you're out of here, fucker."

"Yeah yeah. I get it, you love me." You say while flashing her a big goofy smile.

She rolls her eyes and opens the door, dragging you out to god knows where. Looking around the place, mainly for new prank setups, you notice the same silver haired man following you and Wanda. She turns a corner, and a huge living room reveals itself, with even more, probably rapey, people.

You turn to Wanda, "So is this like a weird university where your lessons are focused on kidnapping and trafficking." She looks down at you, opening her mouth to respond when a man interrupts. "Finally up?" He asks while standing up from the sofa he was sitting on, three more people standing up after him. You make eye contact with an intimidating redhead. "Tony, when you listed out her crimes, I expected her to be a 13 year old boy not..." She looks you up and down, "A 19 year old girl."

"Are you discriminating? Can girls not be assholes too?" You ask, faking an offended look.

Wanda interrupts, "She has superspeed or something, makes it easier for her to be a douchebag."

You puff up your chest in pride, "Yeah, it does."

"Alright." Wanda rolls her eyes and pulls you further into the room.

The man who you now know as Tony starts talking, "So, speedster," Both you and the silver-haired man respond, making you raise an eyebrow at him, "You have two options: Join us, or let us escort you to prison." Your eyes widen, "What the hell! What do you mean join you; I don't even know who you are or where I am," They all give confused looks to each other, "For all I know, you guys are gonna make me help you traffic innocent young girls such as myself." Wanda huffs out a laugh at the last part. After securing you to the couch (standing behind you and holding your shoulders down) Wanda looks down at you in question, "You've never heard of the Avengers?"

You attempt to turn only for her to keep you in your place, "I have more important things to worry about than a group of rapists."

"Okay seriously, why does she keep calling us that?" Tony looks to Wanda for answers, only getting a shrug in response.

"Well," A dirty blonde man approaches you, "The Avengers are-"

"Oh my God! I know you!" You start bouncing up and down, while Wanda attempts to hold you in place, "You're Captain America!"

Steve scratches the back of his neck, laughing bashfully. Tony chimes in angrily, "You're telling me you know this fossil but not the Avengers? Or even me!" You raise an eyebrow and turn to Wanda, "Did I trigger him?" Wanda rolls her eyes for the millionth time today, but this time she had a little smile appear on her face. You opt not to bring it up and move on.

"Oh wait, are you the guys that beat that alien?" You ask, "That alien was my brother!" A massive god-like man makes himself known. "I mean he wasn't from this planet was he," You attempt to joke, receiving exasperated sighs and eye rolls. The Norse God pulls you up by your shirt collar, "Jeez! Okay I won't make anymore jokes," He reluctantly puts you down when the unnamed redhead grabs his shoulder, "Tough crowd." You murmur.

Tony claps his hands, "Anyways, you have until tomorrow to make your choice. If you do decide to join, we'll provide details then. Otherwise you're going to prison, which, in all honesty, sounds like it might do you some good," You flip him off, "Hey!-"

Steve interrupts, "Where will she be staying?" Tony pauses in thought for a moment, then turns to Wanda with a wicked smile, "With her."

Objections start flying out of you and Wanda, and maybe some insults from you. Tony sighs, "Enough! Wanda you're the only one that can subdue her before she can even start running, and you," He points a finger directly in your face, "Don't have a choice."

You stare at his finger. Then bite down on it.

"What the- Wanda get her out of here!" Tony yells while clutching his finger.

While getting dragged up to what you assume to be the witch's room, you turn to shout, "It wasn't even that bad, pussy!" Wanda slaps the back of your head in warning.

She reaches the door before you stop moving. "Wait, I have one request." You turn to her and ask, in the most serious face you could muster. She actually stops, thinking that this may be important.

"Can I please get my stuff from my dorm? I have homework-" She groans and pushes you further into the room. You hear the door lock while you're exploring. You forgo telling her you could probably pick the lock. "You can make yourself comfortable on the floor," She says while putting away the key.

"What! You have a sofa right there!"

"Think of this as a punishment."

"Aren't you supposed to be convincing me to join your Powerpuff squad?"

"I don't have to do anything. Also, for being so ungrateful right now, you're not getting a blanket either."

You open your mouth to argue but the glare she sends you shuts you up, opting to just quietly fumfer out insults while attempting to get comfortable on the floor.

❅❅❅

Wanda exits the bathroom after finishing up her night-time routine, and finds you dead asleep like you weren't lying on a hardwood floor. She gets closer and notices your lips turning blue. She probably should've turned off the air conditioning, in hindsight.

Walking to her bed, she pauses. Groaning, she turns back around and walks to her closet, finding a spare blanket and putting it over you before stomping back to her bed.

She can't wait for you to get your own room.

❅❅❅

Next Part

#marvel #marvel imagine #mcu #mcu imagine #mcu fandom #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #the scarlet witch #wanda maximoff imagine #scarlet witch x reader #wlw #reader #x reader #sapphic #fanfiction #fanfic

[celestialholz]

Today in Gay People: Hassel.

There's something I've noticed about our resident art teacher, and that's... well, Flapple. I mean, we all know how gay the whole Applin deal is, but... well, it's where it is that's particularly interesting.

This is Steven Stone's team.

This is Cynthia's team...

This is Wallace's team...

I could go on. (And yes, I'm using champions because, like Hassel, they're important, powerful NPCs with a proper team, and let's be real here, Hassel is five minutes, that Tournament Dragonite and a fuck to give away from kicking Geeta out of his office.)

But the point here is... well, that penultimate slot. The fifth slot in a champion's team - or fourth, in Hassel's case - is reserved for the vice-captain role. It's the Pokemon hardest to take down before the ace, meant to weaken you up - the secondary signature mon. We see here with Milotic - defence for days, Marvel Scale, offensive too. And we see it with Armaldo - excellent attack, difficult type. And then we see it with Gyrados - Dragon Dance, Earthquake, power. Utility. That second-to-last slot is designed to weaken you up for the finale, the real powerhouse of the squad. Leon does it too - his fifth slot is the starter strong against yours, the one you may not have a counter to if your team-building isn't on point.

... And then we have Hassel.

... Now, there's a few things to note here.

Flapple shares the same quad weakness as Noivern, which leads. That's, er... different.

Flapple, statistically, is the weakest Pokemon here. Not by a lot - Dragalge is only ten points or so better, but it's a defensive Pokemon. It's meant to fill that role, as well as being a counter to Fairies.

Flapple isn't the utility mon most penultimate-slot mons are.

... And yet, here it is. Now, I could draw upon Hassel's six-mon Tournament team here, which adds Dragonite into this slot instead, but the Tournament is Hassel fucking about. He's been chilling in the staffroom and someone's gone "oh, that champion-rank kid's up, get out here." The Elite Test line-up is him at work. He's specifically chosen to leave a pseudo-legendary at home... for Flapple.

And why would he do that? @edgeanescence pointed out on the EphemeralArt Discord that the penultimate slot is meant to represent the trainer; the personality and the heart of them, as well as acting as vice-captain. And, well...

Cynthia's is a Milotic. Grace, beauty, the defence of Sinnoh against Cyrus.

Steven's is an Armaldo. A fossil, a Rock-type, the strongest of all fossils at the time - perfect sentiments for him.

Wallace's is a Gyrados. Power, controlled by a former eighth gym slot; ferocity in water.

... And Hassel's is a Flapple. Like him, she has power, but what she represents as a Grass/Dragon is much more important to him than raw offence or defence. She is his softness; she is his tears, and pride in his students; she is part-Brassius. Whether Brassius gave him the Flapple or not is irrelevant, though it's pretty compelling that he did - this man takes a representation of his heart and of his love into battle over the Dragonite, who has 120 more points of stats. By rights, even if he's leaving the Dragonite at home, Haxorus should be here if this is about power, not Flapple.

And you can tell me that it's about game balance as much as you like, but oh look:

Brassius's rematch team, everyone, and look at that penultimate slot.

Look at that Arboliva sculpture, with Brass's own spikiness and Dragon-type purple-tinged blue.

Brassius is not like Appletun, the obvious counterpoint here. Brassius is drama; Brassius is a man formerly weak, much like Smoliv; Brassius is not home comforts, apple pies, yet he's surprisingly kind and encouraging. Reminding you of anything?

... Ah, yes. Arboliva, depending on mood. And, if you're not already convinced...

That's Flapple, in the Violet dex. Strong, and covered in clay. Like a fucking artist, or a man who loves a sculptor.

When the chips are down, when they show up to work, when they have important, key battles, Hassel and Brassius don't just take their Pokemon to the arena.

They take themselves, and they take each other.

#ephemeralartshipping #brassius x hassel #brassius #hassel #pokemon scarlet and violet #... you know I'd say I was done with these old gays at this point #but who the fuck am I kidding #I haven't even done the artazon art yet lmao #honestly game freak what the fuck #I am so desperately normal about these old men #*soft scream*

[dezkal18]

Random collection of Prince Eric/Jonah observations (sorry it's so long and rambly):

1. The way he grabs Ariel's hand as he's waking up on the beach.

2. The way he runs up the stairs to see if she's the girl who saved him.

3. His face when he realizes she can't be the girl because she can't talk. He looks so heartbroken, like he was so close and then his hopes were dashed. But he's trying his hardest not to let her see his disappointment because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, so he pushes through and offers her anything she needs.

4. The awe on his face when she finds the stone in the fossil and blows the conch shell.

5. I love how he's up for trying anything for her, no matter how foolish it makes him look. He just wants to give her anything she wants.

6. And you can just see a lightness and innocence in him when he's around her, like she's brought back the joy into his life and made him feel like a kid again. I think he does so many things he wouldn't have otherwise. Like, with the boat, he was planning on just grabbing his hat and going back to the carriage until he saw her looking at it. He also seems to just be in awe of her innocence and curiosity and the way she views the world.

7. In Kiss the Girl, right before he leans in the final time, you can see him breathing heavy and he's so nervous.

8. Grimsby, my man. The ultimate shipper. But I think an underrated moment is when he sees how smitten Eric is with the new girl and decides to casually bring up that they haven't found the mystery girl to make Eric stop chasing after a fantasy and see what's right in front of his eyes. I see what you did there and I approve.

9. How he pushes through Vanessa's spell and knows something is wrong.

10. How he's confused about Ariel being a mermaid and what just happened with Vanessa but he trusts his gut and trusts his feelings are real and decides to protect her.

11. When Eric sees Ariel standing there petting Max and he rushes to hug her, he has this crinkle in his forehead. I honestly thought he was going to cry and he looks so relieved, like he's thinking "oh thank God, I thought I was going to have to live a life without you"

12. His face when he sees Triton. I wonder if he's thinking, "Oh my God, my father-in-law is a merman and the King of all the oceans, what is my life?

13. Eric has to be so confused about what's going on but also amazed at the magic that has come into his life with this girl. Like finding the stone in the fossil and the conch shell. The animals and bugs lighting things up during Kiss the Girl. The girl he loves turning into a mermaid. Fighting an octopus lady. Etc.

14. Jonah's delivery of certain lines just gets me, they're not even significant lines:

-Oh. Me? No. Really? Alright... (when she shows him the conch shell)

-Grimsby, I feel a little... (You can tell he's so confused. He's been looking for his mystery girl and here comes this other girl and he's feeling so much for her in such a short period of time)

-Pretty much anytime he says "Ariel".

Ugh, Jonah. You have ruined every other male lead for me from now on. No one else will be as sweet and funny and genuine.

#the little mermaid 2023 #prince eric #jonah hauer king #ariel x eric

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

cowboy!reader likes pop music I've decided. he also drives a truck that looks like it's a fossil yet runs perfectly fine. he knows about horses and will try to talk about old wild west movies whenever. definitely loved woody from toy story as a kid. 1000% baby talks dogs. goes to pride parades in full colorful cowboy outfit. can do bird calls back. stress eats sunflower seeds instead of smoking. the list of ideas goes on really

- 🦦

More (Not) Allergies

Okay, so I've only focused on the pop music for this one. Also it directly follows from 'Alergies (Not Really)' (which wasn't titled earlier but it was the one with Mia in). But I do have them all noted down (I'm working on the sunflower seeds on at the moment).

EDIT: Sunflower seeds one is now done and available here

Warnings: minor sad reader

Word count: 621

PART ONE

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23

"Hey, where's your cattleman?" Spencer asked as you sat down in your usual seat. 

"I er, I need to find a new one."

"Did you lose it? We've probably got time to find it before we take off-" Spencer said, already starting to stand up.

"Nah, I didn't lose it. I gave it to Mia," You said. "I'll go lookin' for a new one tomorrow,"

"Isn't that your favourite one?" JJ asked, turning to you.

"Yes ma'am," You answered, 

“Wait, is this the one you wouldn’t let any of us try on?” Derek asked, looking up from his ipod.

“That would be the one,” You said with a small nod.

“Oh man, you must be getting withdrawal,”

“A little,” You joked. "She's a special kid. Plus, I think she might’ve tried to steal it off me anyway. Y’know she called me old? Three times? Imma spring chicken,"

"I don't know about that," Emily teased, "You're nearly thirty,"

"'Scuse me ma'am, Imma spring chicken."

When the conversation dialled down, you sighed slightly, sliding your hands into your pocket out of boredom. You furrowed your eyebrows when your fingers brushed against a small chain. You gently removed it from your pocket.

"Where'd you get that chain?" You asked, seeing Mia fiddle with it, running her fingers along the links. 

She shrugged, "I found it on the floor a few years ago," 

"'s pretty," You commented, she looked at you in disbelief. "What?"

"I wore it once, it turned my skin green," 

"Maybe you're just a zombie." You said with a shrug

"Rich coming from you old man."

"Hey, you okay?" You look up at JJ in confusion and she motioned to your eyes, red and brimmed with tears.

"Oh, yeah," You clear your throat wiping your eyes slightly, "Allergies."

She has a knowing look on her face, but goes along with it. "Allergies are the worst,"

"Tell me about it." You muttered. 

"But," She whispered, despite the team chatting amongst themselves, "If you are… upset or concerned about anything, I'm always here if you want to talk about it." 

You pause for a moment, brushing your thumb against the chain as you frowned. "I-" You paused, "I dunno," You stuff the chain into your pocket as you looked at JJ, giving her a small smile. "'M fine," You gave her a nod, "Just missing ma cattleman, is all," 

"Uh-huh," JJ said with a raised eyebrow before she gave you a small smile, dropping the subject (not wanting to push you). "Alright, well, I believe we are all going for drinks, you should join us."

You look unsure for a moment before nodding, "A'right," You said, "Just don't tell my Mama I'm getting drunk,"

“Ooo cowboy’s finally gonna get drunk?” Derek asked with a grin, “How about you sing some good ol’ country music for us?”

“It’s gonna take a lotta shots to get to that point,” 

“Well, we have tomorrow off,” Rossi smirked. 

God damnit. 

“Y’all do know I don’t just listen to country, right?”

“Yeah, okay,” Emily grinned, “What else do you listen to?”

“I started listenin’ to er, what’s her name?... Arianna Grande, she’s a’right,” You said with a nod, furrowing your eyebrows as the team all let out a laugh (minus Spencer, who was just a bit confused). “What?”

“You listen to Arianna Grande?”

“She’s good!” You argue, “N’ she hits the whistle tones well. I listen to Dua Lipa ‘n’ Selena Gomez sometimes too,”

“Oh my god…”

“What?”

“You have the music taste of a teenage girl!” Derek snorted loudly.

“JJ, defend me here,” You said, turning to JJ.

“Sorry cowboy,” She teased, “They’re right…” You groaned, letting your head fall to the back of your seat. 

“God damnit.”

#bau x cowboy reader #bau x reader #bau x male reader #bau #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #spencer reid #emily prentiss #david rossi #jennifer jareau #cowboy reader #male reader #x male reader

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello hello! I just read your writings about Pokémon and it inspired me to make a request if that's okay!

May I request some fic with Raihan and Reader who has a team of, like, really intimidating Pokémon? But they are actually are big softies? Just a happy lil' Scolipede with a little bow munching some berries! Or even Slither Wing that crawls towards the toys like a kitten, pheh-

That's okay if you decline! Take your time, I can wait ^^

Have a good day/night!

-✒️ Anon

"C'mon, Rai! I have some friends from Paldea who are dying to meet you!"

"Oh are they, huh?" Raihan raised an eyebrow, exchanging a brief glance with his Duraludon. But they both did their best to keep up with you as you rushed to your campsite, excited.

For the first time since he's met you, he was finally going to see your main Pokémon team. You briefly mentioned having some from Paldea, but a few were from this region, as well as Kalos. Based on your history of winning lots of tournaments, Raihan could only assume you had a lot of very strong Pokémon with diverse typing to help you adapt to any situation.

You haven't battled anybody in Galar yet, so he wasn't sure what to expect. He was looking forward to today.

Upon arriving to the camp, however, he's....quite surprised.

All of your Pokémon were ones notorious for being highly aggressive and intimidating, but he quickly realized how tranquil and pacifist each of them seemed. They weren't sparring nor scowling at one another.

If anything, they acted sort of...cute?

He spotted a large Scolipede, the archnemesis of all Centiskortches...happily snacking on berries with a tiny Sizzlipede resting on their back, sharing the bowl. And amusingly enough, Raihan could see you adorned the vicious poison/bug's horn with a cute little bow, which it didn't seem to mind at all.

Then he saw a Volcarona...except it looked a lot fluffier and was crawling on all fours, its wings folded upwards like some sail. Not to mention it looked gigantic, as though it belonged to the same ancient time period as Tyrantrum and all the other fossil Pokémon.

"Is that some kind of Paldean variant?" The dragon tamer pointed to the Volcarona lookalike.

"Oh! Well..yes and no. That's my darling Slither Wing, a supposed ancestor of Volcaronas. They look scary, but they're sweet on the inside. Just watch this." Smiling, you took out the feather toy and shook it around, the tiny jingling bells making Slither Wing turn their attention to you.

With a happy chitter, they scampered over to you, before standing up on their hindlegs and towering over both you and Raihan. He jumped back with a small shriek, throwing his hands up in front of him.

"Woah what the-?!! Back up, buddy!!"

Sensing its trainer's distress, Duraludon hissed at the potential challenger.

Yet Slither Wing seemed blissfully unaware of the threat they posed, their focus being fully on the feather dangling in front of them. They gently batted it with their front paws, delighted at the jingling noise the bells made.

"Sorry." You laughed a little, feeding them a berry before setting the toy down. "They get excited easily." Then you rested a hand on their fluffy chest, to which they flopped to the ground, allowing you to rub their belly. "Awwh, who's a good Slither Wing? It's you~!"

Raihan blinked several times, awkwardly putting his hands back down as he stared at you, watching you baby this fierce-looking Volcarona. He would've thought you were talking to a Yamper or Growlithe.

Looking elsewhere, he saw a Pokémon who appeared similar to a Bisharp, except it was bulkier, resembled a samurai, and was....somehow sitting on its own hair???

Upon closer examination he could see it had some flowers in said hair, put there by the cutesy wild fairy and grass Pokémon that have gathered around it. It seemed to be telling them a story, smiling all the while...which was very unlike the serious Bisharp lineage.

You noticed where Raihan was looking and smiled, whistling for Kingambit. It glanced over and headed to you, being able to move without standing up at all.

"King?"

"Your majesty." You stood and bowed to it in respect, before turning to your friend. "Rai, this is Bisharp's final evolution, Kingambit He had to best three other Bisharps wearing leader's crests in order to evolve, so he's pretty strong."

"It took beating three?" He raised an eyebrow. "That's pretty specific. How didja figure that one out?"

"....well how did you figure out how to evolve a Galarian Yamask into Runerigus?"

"...touché." He clicked his tongue, before glancing at Kingambit again, who seemed to be admiring the flowers in its hair. Then he slowly took out his rotomphone to snap a picture of it--

"Gamb.."

Tensing, Raihan saw the dark/steel type glaring daggers into his soul, and he gulped, nervously put his phone back into his pocket. "M-My bad..uh...I just...."

However, Kingambit's menacing look suddenly vanished, replaced with a cheeky smile as it chuckled. And only then did the dragon tamer realize the fairy and grass Pokémon were gathered nearby, giggling as well.

"Awh, did King scare the "almighty Dragon Tamer"?" You teased, seeing how flustered he was getting.

"What? Of course not! What are you talking about?" He quickly shook his head, offering you a sharp-toothed grin of reassurance. "I don't fear anything!"

"..Tyran!"

Raihan turned his head to see a Tyranitar stomping on over to you, wearing a mega bracelet similar to yours. He recalled you mentioning that you've mastered Mega Evolution.

But of all the Pokémon to choose from, it just had to be his ace's number one natural rival??? He'd hate to see how that would go down on a battlefield..

'Mega Tyranitar against G-Maxed Duraludon...sounds like a good movie title..' He mused, before snapping out of his thoughts and sighing, watching you coo over the dark/rock type--just like you did Slither Wing.

His concerned looks caught your attention, as you just huffed in growing annoyance, cradling Tyranitar's head in your arms. "Rai, relax. My friends here don't have a single mean bone in their bodies."

"I find that hard to believe. Plus my Duraludon hates Tyranitars...isn't that right......?"

However, he trailed off upon realizing that his trusty Duraludon was no longer by his side, instead hobbling over to greet your Tyranitar. "Du....Duraludon?" He blinked stupidly.

"Tar!!"

"Ludon!!!"

Raihan could only gawk as the two gently butted heads, amazed that they weren't at each other's throats. Instead, Tyranitar encouraged it to come play with the bouncy ball near the curry pot, and the steel/dragon followed them without hesitation.

Soon enough, Scolipede, Slither Wing, and Kingambit went to join the fun, leaving the dragon tamer utterly speechless as he realized his initial assumptions about your team were wrong. "Wow...."

"Yeah." Laughing softly, you patted his back as he stood there, shoulders still slumped. "So do you believe me now?"

"...I do. I'll never doubt you again."

#clanask #anonymous #pokemon x reader #pokemon sword x reader #pokemon shield x reader #pokemon raihan #gym leader raihan #raihan x reader #pokemon raihan x reader

[onesidedradiostatic]

I can imagine Velvett, super disinterested listening to Vox rambled about Alastor, saying something like "Maybe he's Ace"

And Vox just stops in his tracks, just utterly confused over what she said. "He's a what?" Does she mean he's better than him? No. Vox knows he's the best, just look at his media empire! So he's about to explain to Velvett how Alastor totally isn't awesome, cool and the best.

"You know, Asexual?" She continues still not looking up from her phone.

"You think he's a hidden deviant?" Vox genuinely asks as at this point he has no idea what she's on about. What does she mean Alastor is a sexual?

That's when she finally looks up from her phone with a questioning look on her face, "Do you serious not know what it means?"

There is a short silence which confirmes Velvett's suspicions, "Ugh, I'm surrounded by fossil's. Fine, let me enlighten you."

She then proceeds to tell Vox about different identitets and Vox can't really understand it all. He has an especially hard time with Aro and Ace for like, how can one NOT have those kinds of feelings? That's like the core of the soul or something.

Velvett doesn't really care, but is a bit peeved over how dumb Vox seems to be. Hopefully he's able to use the knowledge she gave him though, at the very least, now he has some sort of idea if anyone brings it up. Can't have him acting like a fool. Again.

velvette whips up a whole powerpoint presentation trying to teach vox and val about modern labels for romantic and sexual orientations. vox would either just not understand alastor's aroaceness or be in denial of it LMAO. as if he didn't already get rejected in the past (no he has a chance you see. he still has a chance I promise)

I fear vox ever finding out alastor is aroace, might be better if he just stayed delusional forever

#ask #osrs.txt #radiostatic #staticradio #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin velvette #hazbin hotel velvette #velvette

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter Sixteen}

Alastor x (Fem)Reader

"N-No..." I mutter. I didn't want anything to do with anymore overlords. Velvette scoffed. "Don't lie to me. I don't forget faces so easily. What the fuck is your name even?" She asks, putting a hand to her hip. My voice was shaky as I spoke. "Y/n."

"Hm. And how did you get so close to that old ass radio guy?" She raises an eyebrow. "He isn't exactly friendly. Don't tell me your his girlfriend or something." I quickly shake my head. "No! Nothing like that!"

"Then what is it? He just suddenly have a change of heart?" I took a hesitant step back. I really, really, didn't want to be having this conversation with Velvette of all people. As I moved, my back hit against something.

I look behind me to see Alastor. "Velvette. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop interrogating miss Y/n, here." Velvet scowled and crossed her arms. "Excuse me, but who the hell are you to order me around, old man?" Alastor's smile thinned. "Are the other two V's with you? Or are you just out looking to start trouble?"

Velvette scoffed, shifting her weight onto one foot. "No, just me. And if anyone is looking to start trouble, it's you. I'd watch yourself, oldie."

"Oh, he isn't so old." Came Rosie's voice as she joined Alastor's side. "Now, young lady, I suggest you go about your business. I'd hate for such a lovely café to be destroyed because of a slight...argument." There was a slight hiss in her voice towards the end.

Velvette glared at the two, Alator and Rosie returned the harsh stare. I felt my heart sink. Were they about to fight? And I would be caught up right in the middle!?

Thankfully Velvette backed off. "Whatever. I'm not wasting anymore time with you two fossils." She says as she walks past them. I sigh a breath if relief.

"My, I will never get use her attitude." Rosie says with a shake of her head. "Y/n, are you alright honey?" She asks me. I only nod my head. "Rosie, dear, I hate to cut our day short. But I'm afraid I have to get Y/n back to the hotel." Said Alastor.

Rosie waved her hand. "Oh don't worry. We can reschedule for another day, when the undesirables aren't roaming the streets."

"Of course." Alastor grins. "Shall I send your order to your residence?" Asked Rosie. Alastor nods his head. "Please do. Come long Y/n." He says, turning to me. I follow him silently.

"You two dipshits won't believe who I just ran into." Velvette says as she makes her way into Voxtek studios. The two "dipshits", she was referring too, were her fellow overlords. Valentino, and Vox. Vox, rolled his eyes before speaking. "Oh, do tell."

"Radio Bitch and his pal Grandma Rosie." She starts. "Not only them, but you remember that woman Alastor had with him at that ball? She was there too." Vox's previous disinterest quickly diminished, his look of surprise slowly turning sinister. "So, Alastor does have it in him to be friendly." He chuckles. "Now, what in the fuck could be so special about her?"

"Perhaps he's finally found someone who can get his rocks off." Valentino smirked. "Doubt it." Vox shrugs. "That motherfucker would kill someone for accidently brushing up against him."

"She might be just another dumbass who made a deal with him." Said Velvette. "But..." She mutters. "But?" Vox raises an eyebrow. "He did get awfully testy when I was "pestering" her." Velvette finishes. Vox laughed. "Oh don't tell me he's actually gotten attached! That's fucking precious!" Vox then smirks. "I think we all know what should be done now. Only question is, how are we going to do it?"

"How does she look?" Valentino asks. "You were there at the ball, how did you not see her?" Asked Velvette. Valentino just shrugs. Velvette rolls her eyes. "She's pretty decent looking, if you must know."

"Maybe I'll hit her up sometime. See if she's looking for work." Valentino chuckles lowly. "I'm always looking for new flesh."

"Gross." Velvette mutters. "Nah, I don't think we should do that. Not yet anyway." Vox spoke up. Valentino sighed. "Why?" He asked. "Use that brain of yours for once. If Alastor is as attached as we think he is, we could use that broad as leverage. Then, we do whatever the fuck with her after we get what we want." Vox explains.

"Also, Velvette, don't go spreading any word about this right away. We want to be sure before we actually go through with this." Velvette shrugs. "Whatever. I'm not trying to catch any flack for spreading misinformation, especially on something I don't really give a shit about."

"Think you can hold off too Val?" Asked Vox. Valentino nods. "For now."

"Then we're all in agreement." Vox smirks. "Better be ready Alastor, cause you're about to get royally fucked."

"I think I've had my fill with overlords." I mutter as Alastor and I approach the hotel. "That would be the third one you've met face to face. Fourth, if you include me. I understand, though, you're in hell now. You see us overlords everywhere." Alastor tells me.

"It will be one of the many things I will not miss when I leave this awful place." I say with a light sigh. Alastor went silent. As we made our way up the steps to the doorway, I look up at him. "How did you end up in hell?" I asked. Alastor glanced down at me.

"Are you sure you can handle the answer you'll get?" He says with a smirk. "I mean...I've been to a city full of cannibals and watched someone be murdered and devoured in the streets like it was nothing. I think I'll be fine." Alastor chuckles at my response. "Fair enough." He paused for a moment before speaking.

"I was a murder in my living days." Not surprising. "As well as a cannibal." Unnerving, but also not surprising. "My first kill was at the ripe age of twenty seven. Yes, I still remember it like it was yesterday." He said with a longing sigh. "Though, I didn't start the who cannibal thing until my third kill."

"How many did you kill exactly?" I ask, unsure if I really wanted to know the answer. "Got away with twelve, and unfortunately my fun was ended on my thirteenth."

"You were caught?" I tilt my head.

"I was killed." Alastor corrects. "Shot dead by a hunter. Right in the ol' bullseye!" He says, pointing to his forehead. "I see." I nod my head. "Alright, I told you how I died. I think it's only fair you tell me yours." Said Alastor.

We walk inside of the hotel and make our way through the halls. "It's...not a great death. You'd be bored." I mutter. "Come now, I'm sure it's not that bad." Alastor waved his hand. I look away from him before exhaling. "Fell down a flight of stairs. Broken neck." I mutter. "Is that right?" Alastor asks.

I nod, trying to fight back the tears gathering in my eyes. Unfortunately for me, Alastor noticed. "But that's not quite the full story?" I shake my head.

"It wasn't a fall...I was pushed." My voice cracked. "I see. Murder then." Alastor nods. "I assume you know who did it too."

"My fiancé. Only a month before we were going to get married too." Alastor stays quiet. "We...weren't in love. We never were. I thought we were, but...I was blinded by nice gestures and empty words. He convinced me he actually loved me, and in the end, it resulted in my death. I...kinda always knew it would too. And I knew he would be the cause of it...It's my own fault. I should have left sooner. It's like I was asking for him to do it."

"Nonsense."

I look up at Alastor, despite the sharpness in his tone. His expression was neutral. "What?"

"People can be deceiving. They'll break your heart and piece it all back together with the bare minimum. And sadly, it works in most cases. You're right. Unfortunately for you, and for many people, it can result in someone ending up dead."

"Alastor?"

"I believe this is your stop." I look ahead to see the door to my room. "Goodbye for now Y/n." Without another word, Alastor left. I only watched as he walked away.

#alastor x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel rosie #hazbin rosie #rosie #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox #valentino #valentino hazbin hotel #the vees

[queer-overwatch]

Omg hi! We need more venture! And im having major brainrot of Venture and how they might be with kids! What if Reader and Sloane went to one of those itty bitty play dig sight activities and just see little kids brushing sand away from (fake) fossils! Like how will they react seeing a little kid learning about dinosaurs from Venture?

OR!

Reader having to babysit their niece or nephew and Venture is there along the way. And the just their niece/nephew just absolutely love listening to Sloane’s stories!

Im sorry if this is too much! You dont have to do this! Or you can just do whatever! I love your work and finally we can get more Venture love!

Venture with readers Niece!

It's not to much at all! I really like the idea of Venture being a parent personally- decided to do a one-shot for this one, hope u like it anon! -Frisk

══════ஜ▲ஜ══════

"Heeey, Sloane-? Sooooo quick question, how do you feel about 5 year olds-?" You grin sheepishly, standing behind Venture who was at their desk, studying a rock from an ancient Roman burial sight they found.

"Oh I love kids! They're always so cute, even though they can be brats sometimes- why you askin?" They put down the rock as they talk, turning to look at you curiously.

"Well, my sibling asked me if I could babysit today, and I may have said yes without thinking of the fact that you'd have to deal with my niece too." You laugh nervously, really hoping they won't be upset. You knew they loved kids so you weren't too worried about it, but you also weren't sure if they'd planned to do something today.

"Aw really!? I've haven't gotten to meet your family before! That's so cool! Does your niece like history?! I really hope she does- I love telling people about my discoveries! Do you think she likes eating rocks too-?" Venture, just as enthusiastic as ever, bombards you with questions about your family. You let out a sigh of relief as you try your best to answer all of their many, many, many questions, trying your best to keep them contained as you wait for your sister to drop off your niece, "Venture you are not feeding my niece rocks."

"Aww, but these ones are so cool!"

"I will chip another one of your teeth if you convince her to eat a rock."

"GASP! Betrayal!"

══════ஜ▲ஜ══════

"Of course, see you later! Love you too!" You gently usher your niece inside as you part ways with your sibling, now stuck babysitting for the next five hours.

Venture stands just behind the door, a nervous feeling in the back of their head. Despite being slightly worried your niece wouldn't like them, they were still super excited! They really hoped she would like them so she would tell your sibling good things about them and your sibling would finally want to meet them! And, of course, they were also hoping your niece would like to hear the story's Venture had to share.

As soon as you're niece is five steps in the door, Venture makes themselves known, jumping in front of her with their hands on their hips, in a sort of superhero pose.

"Hey there, little miss! How'd you get in here, huh?" They kneel down, a light tone in their voice as they tease her. "Mi amor! I think we've got an intruder on our hands!"

You shut the front door as you laugh to yourself, moving to stand next to Venture and rest one hand on their shoulder, slightly leaning against them. "Yeah, I think we do! We've gotta send 'em to the interrogation room!"

You scoop up your niece, laughing as she squirm around in your arms, cleary enjoying all the attention.

You both bring her to Venture's work space, setting her down in their chair and trying your hardest to look serious as you "interrogate" her.

"Who might you be, hm? And why are you here?!" Venture starts, poking your niece's cheek as they question her.

Your niece, while giggling, manages to answer their questions pretty well in your opinion. "I'm Charlotte! I'm here 'cuz my momma wants me to be!" She huffs, hands on her hips with the most adorable, smug face you've ever seen.

Venture nods along as she answers, clearly taking this so, so very seriously. "Well then, I suppose you can stick around, as long as you like to learn about history!" They laugh, picking her up and tucking her under their arm, bringing them to a spare room where they keep a few of their favorite artifacts they've they've found to show off.

"This one is from Greece! I got to go there for a week last year! And this one if from a remote area in northern Canada! Found that during my first year with the Wayfinders!" They point out different rocks and other things you can't quite identify, easily answering any questions your niece throws their way.

You stand in the doorway, smiling to yourself and admiring just how sweet Venture can be, wondering how in the world you got lucky enough to be dating them.

Your mind wanders, wondering what Venture would be like if the two of you had a kid. It wasn't something you thought about too often, but seeing how sweet they were with your niece, you couldn't help but wonder if they'd ever want kids of their own.

Obviously it wouldn't be anytime soon, you were both far too busy for that, but one day, maybe.

"Amor! Come here! You gotta listen to this story too! This cool little coin is from the Renaissance Era!" Venture snaps you out of your thoughts, holding a little golden coin up for you to see.

You move to stand next to them, taking your niece out of their arms and holding her yourself, both of you listening intently to Ventures story. Clearly, you're niece and you had one thing in common, you both absolutely adored the wonderful nerd you were dating.

#venture #overwatch x reader #overwatch #venture overwatch #venture x reader #sloane cameron #Xornk

[vetteldixon]

Road & Track’s September 2022 piece about Sebastian Vettel. Text below the cut!

‘A’ IS FOR AGITATOR.        SEBASTIAN VETTEL                  Story by Mike Guy                                    Photography by Cayce Clifford        

“WHAT IS AN ACTIVIST?” asks Sebastian Vettel. He’s scratching his scruffy face and grimacing, bristling at the accusation that he has become one. It’s hard to argue against it: Over the past couple of years, even as he’s struggled to find top-10 finishes with the Aston Martin Cognizant Formula One Team, Vettel has become the sport’s loudest voice on topics many racing fans won’t appreciate: civil rights, boycotting Russia, the plight of underprivileged children, the burdens placed on the Global South, and, most significantly, climate change, which he believes is linked to everything.

Certainly, Greta Thunberg is an activist, I propose.

“I don’t know,” he offers. “Is Greta an activist, or is she just a very concerned citizen of our planet?”

We’re sitting in Aston Martin F1’s paddock at the Hungaroring outside Budapest, a few days before the Hungarian Grand Prix. In the history of strange conversations with F1 champions, this is up there with an impromptu exchange I once had with Michael Schumacher in a Monaco alley, about the orange stitching on my brand-new pair of Adidas. (“How very flashy,” Schumacher said, smiling. “Can I buy a pair nearby?”) Except this conversation is deep, elemental. I knew a bit about Thunberg, the young Swedish firebrand who has become one of the world’s foremost advocates of climate-change awareness. But I didn’t anticipate that Vettel would know everything about her.

“Greta has Asperger’s syndrome,” Vettel says. “For her, what’s so confusing—and also so sad—is that I think she’s just very honest about what she feels.” He views it as related to her condition. “For her, our inaction on the climate crisis just doesn’t make sense, because it doesn’t make sense. And whereas everybody else is sort of numb to it—we have lives, we have things going on, we have other interests, and all of that—she is just being logical. ‘Why do I need an education when the world is going to be uninhabitable?’”

Strangely, Vettel’s take on Thunberg shows what made him such a special driver. He is absolutely ravenous for information. He is a rabbit-hole specialist. When he has a curiosity, he will not stop until he can see every side of it. The rabbit hole he can’t get out of right now, and that he can’t resolve, is climate change—which, when you think about it, is a terrible irony, given that he is a star figure in a global traveling circus centered  around burning fossil fuels to achieve speed and glory.

This is part of the continuing transformation of Sebastian Vettel. Over his career, he has appeared to fans in many forms: prodigy, brat, champion, jester, provocateur, outsider, mentor, scold, and, finally, agitator. When he gets on a roll talking about e-fuels and carbon credits, he is indistinguishable from crusty protesters marching across Washington Square and shouting doom.

“You look like a hippie to me,” I tell him. His long, stringy hair is just a few hours short of greasy. He’s pushing it out of his eyes as he talks, though careful not to push it too far. “I have a lot of hair, yes,” he says wistfully, then gestures to his receding hairline. “But in significant ways, I don’t have a lot of hair. It’s a privilege of aging.”

Just minutes before this conversation (one of many we would have), with no warning to just about anyone, Vettel announced his retirement. He told his Aston Martin F1 bosses, as well as his assistant, Britta Roeske, who, though not surprised, was a bit shocked that it happened on this day. He leans in and whispers to me, “Do you know I’ve just announced my retirement? Your timing is perfect.” While we are chatting, his retirement video—a stark, honest, and completely unvarnished appreciation of the sport as well as a call to action—is playing out like a grenade blast on his Instagram account.

He’s right; the timing is perfect to reconsider the life and times of a champion. Now 35, a happily married father of three, Vettel is at the end of his F1 career. At his peak, he was as untouchable as any driver in any era of any series. Love him or hate him, and there are millions who go both ways, he will go down in history among a class of drivers so elite, they have names like Schumacher, Hamilton, and Prost—and, arguably, no one else.

VETTEL CAME FROM a middle-class German suburb whose name doesn’t register unless you’re from there. His father, Norbert, was a carpenter and a kart-racing hobbyist, though he never pushed Vettel to be anything other than his own person.

“I didn’t understand at the time how lucky I was,” Vettel recalls. “I mean, compared to many other drivers, I am an exception. I had a normal childhood. I raced, and I was gone every weekend, but when I wasn’t gone, I was at home. I went to school, I finished school, I finished high school. I did karting, and I think I was as professional about it as a child can be. But the moment I got out of the go-kart, I was in the dirt, I was in the forest.”

Red Bull Racing talent scout Helmut Marko compares Vettel’s upbringing with Max Verstappen’s as a study in contrasts that led to similar results. Max’s father, F1 vet Jos Verstappen, was notoriously cruel to Max as a kid, forcing him to race in conditions that a 10-year-old should probably not have to endure. Vettel was allowed to come in out of the rain.

“What do we think makes someone more resilient?” Vettel wonders, as he ponders Max’s extremely promising career. “I didn’t get beaten up. But if you do get beaten up your whole life, does that work? Or does it work to be loved and explained the ways of how the world works? If you compare the two, who is more resilient? Is resilience fighting back—like somebody hits you, you hit back? Or is resilience strength in understanding what just happened, reflecting and taking things on from there?”

Though he’s making a rhetorical point about a racing driver, he’s much more interested in how resilience applies to his own life after retirement. “Being a father myself, obviously I have these challenges every day,” he says. “And if you say, okay, my children are allowed to talk back, well, then you also need to face the fact that they are talking back. So I think it is fascinating, because it’s so much of who we are later on and how we manage situations. And I’m not talking about how many races we might win. Our childhood is fundamental. So much can be done right, and so much can be done wrong.”

Vettel never expected to be an F1 driver. He was contemplating university after he got his high-school degree. It was the normal thing to do. “I finished my A levels and literally two weeks later got the phone call: You are our reserve driver; we need you at the race,” he says. “I was shocked.” He got a development seat with BMW and built his legacy, one turn at a time.

Now? He is not old. By the standards of Formula 1 set by guys like Kimi Räikkönen, who retired at age 42, and Michael Schumacher, who finished his last race when he was 43, Vettel could have another decade in F1 if he wants. Where the younger guys are even smaller, spindly from the shoulder down, conditioned to perfection, Vettel’s form is more functional, with burly forearms, a stout neck, and just a hint of padding over the six-pack. He doesn’t obsess over conditioning the way the younger guys do. He’s comfortable with his body.

You will never know where Vettel is on race weekends. He usually doesn’t stay in the fancy hotels with the other drivers. He prefers to rent a house far from the track, often accompanied by his family. He doesn’t have a business manager and negotiated his own contracts. He bridles against authority. More than most, he does things his own way.

There was no particular moment when Vettel decided to care about the climate crisis or even use the word “crisis.” But it formed in the midst of his career, race by race.

“I think I’ve always seen things,” he says. “I remember in Malaysia, where, the year before when we raced there, there was forest, and the year after, we went past and it was all palm trees…. For sure, I look back at some things now, and I wonder, why did I not maybe put one and one together earlier? Or why did I do certain things like flying around the world, like using private jets? This is stuff you have to decide for yourself now.”

Vettel will talk about almost anything. He doesn’t keep secrets, refuses to conceal his beliefs, and is openly emotional—much more than you’d expect from a German man, at least. Though he is beholden to a patchwork of sponsors that pay him and Aston Martin millions of dollars, there is no effort to protect them from his opinions. Boy, does he have opinions. And he always backs them up with facts.

FOR MUCH OF HIS F1 CAREER, the Vettel haters around the world were legion. They hated him because he drove for Red Bull, which, when it arrived on the scene, was considered a clownish host of parties in the adventure-sports world. How could they possibly compete on the same level as Ferrari or McLaren? For the naysayers, Vettel became the evil posterboy, one of Dr. Marko’s creations.

Then Vettel beat Ferrari and McLaren. It was the car, not the driver, the haters said. Like every racer on a winning streak, he complained a lot and was accused of being unsportsmanlike (everyone remembers the Multi 21 scandal with always-a-bridesmaid teammate Mark Webber).

But what makes a great racing driver? This conversation’s as old as the chariot races at Circus Maximus. Is it the number of wins? Championships? Podiums? By those measurements, Vettel has few peers. He has four World Championships, tied with Alain Prost and bested only by Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton (and, from the pre-F1 grand prix era, Juan Manuel Fangio).

From a championships perspective, there are 30 lesser drivers who will remain far beneath him on the list of greats: Senna, Lauda, Clark, Alonso, Villeneuve, and on and on. (The jury is still out on Verstappen, who possesses apparently limitless ability, though his only championship came from a deeply flawed decision by a racing director who was shown the door shortly afterward.)

           “There are more important things. Eventually, I’ll find my way to those.”                        —Sebastian Vettel          

Vettel was at Red Bull for just six years, during which he won his championships—serious ROI for Dr. Marko, who plucked Vettel from a choir of F1 contenders young and old. Before his 150th F1 start, Vettel earned 41 wins, 73 podiums, 45 pole positions, and those four titles—stunning stats that cast a shadow over his contemporaries (in the same first 149, Lewis Hamilton, with 34 wins and two championships, comes closest; Alonso and Verstappen lag far behind). Beyond the raw stats, extraordinary work ethic, and preternatural talent, the greatest drivers integrate an uncommon set of qualities: aptitude, intuition, the most cohesive team, the deepest-pocketed sponsors, the canniest team principals. It’s a sort of witchcraft with a whiff of luck.

Championships are not “just the car,” but great cars can get you close. During his four-year title run, Vettel had the benefit of driving Adrian Newey’s aerodynamic masterpieces, the RB6, RB7, RB8, and RB9, which, among other prestidigitations, deployed a blown diffuser that the competition never countered. And yet, perhaps only a professional driver can fathom the level of unrelenting focus required to maintain that level of mastery against Lewis, Fernando, Kimi, Webber, et al. Not just anyone can sit in the fastest car and win four consecutive championships.

Consider how Vettel earned the Red Bull seat in the first place. When he showed an abnormal skill in karting, his father began budgeting closely, saving here and there to fund a modest campaign. After a development gig at BMW, Vettel worked his way into a seat at Toro Rosso, a Red Bull junior team in F1 that used the previous year’s chassis with a Ferrari engine instead of the more dominant Renault mill. At the 2008 Italian Grand Prix, in the little Toro Rosso, Vettel won from pole on a grid that included a dominant McLaren/Hamilton combination and two Ferraris that filled the front of the field. Vettel’s performance was career defining, and it secured his seat at Red Bull.

Once there, Vettel locked eyes with the engineers. He talked through the car’s every component, its every weakness and nuance. He probably knew as much about Newey’s wondrous cars as his engineers. So Vettel won over the team and quickly became its natural focus. Vettel’s team-mate, Mark Webber, one of the most talented wheelmen in the world, didn’t stand a chance. The same curiosity that led Vettel to discover how a disappearing forest in Malaysia is a bad sign for the climate, or how Greta Thunberg’s Asperger’s syndrome is a sign of her honest commitment to the cause, led him to become a virtuoso in a strong car.

The rest is history: In 2010, Sebastian Vettel became the youngest driver to win an F1 World Championship, at age 23 and 133 days.

Today, as a very long retirement looms over the rest of the races this season, he has no idea what he’ll do next. But what motivates him is that the fate of the planet looms over the horizon.

“I have three children and a wife I love very much,” he says. “I’m going to be very busy. Everything you think you might be doing or want to do, I don’t know if it’s going to be satisfying. Because I don’t know any different than this. But I do think there are more important things. Eventually, I’ll find my way to those.”

#sebastian vettel #f1 #road & track

[thetraumaking]

A Crow and Her Fox

Here’s a few prompts and headcanons of the story I’m about to write.

I believe that Makima deserves a little antagonist in her life. The title would be their relationship dynamic.

Basically, Makima would finally get the person of her dreams, a true equal, but with a little bit of spice.

Makima x female Ajin reader

You: Ok, so let me get this straight, you remember WW2 and Nazi Germany, and it is currently 1995?

Makima: Yes, that is correct.

You: Uhuh… so, if the math is matching correctly, that means you are at least 50 years old.

Makima: ...

Makima: You know, this counts as harassment. I can easily sue you.

You: And I can kill myself in court and blame you.

Makima: Y/n, I have a job for you.

You: How can I help you, Granny?

Makima: ...

You: I'm telling you, homeless people and I don't mix.

Makima: And why is that?

You: I've never had a positive interaction with any of them. It's like they have something against me.

Makima: You have to let it go. They’re mentally unstable.

You: I'm mentally unstable! This is equality!

You: Okay, I get it. You’ve had a really hard time lately, you’re stressed out, seven people died -

Makima: Several, not seven. Several.

You: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now, and really, whose fault is that?

Makima: Yours.

You: That’s right. No one's.

You: THAT’S WAS THE 5TH TIME I DIED THIS WEEK! 5 TIMES ALREADY AND IT’S ONLY WEDNESDAY! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Makima: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

You: Killed without hesitation.

Makima: Precisely.

You: Who the fuck-

Makima: Language!

You: Whomst the fuck-

Makima: Close enough

You: Fucking bitch-

Makima: Language.

You: I'm sorry, it’s English! You haven't taught me Japanese yet! So it's technically your fault.

You: *bleeding out* I can see my organs!

NPC: Oh wow, they are losing a lot of blood, 3!

Makina: Beautiful day for a drive, don't you think?

Fighting a giant crab devil.

You: This thing is making me very scared. But also very hungry.

Headcanons

Reader's nicknames for Makima: Sinner, Grandma, Granny, Fossil, and Offender.

She knows what Makima is.

#makima x reader #makima x y/n #makima x you #chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man x y/n #chainsaw man x you #makima

[dvzaiosamu]

Bubble Tea while watching TV — soukoku.

University/Colleges Chuuya and Dazai :3 They're roommates and live together in a dorm. Dazai being the lazy mf that annoys Chuuya for fun and Chuuya is a simple man that lives tranquility, minding his own buissness, trying his best to avoid Dazai's stupid antics.

About: Chuuya and Dazai are going to watch a TV film while drinking bubble tea, and that's it, it's going to be fluff and their silly interactions.

Dusk was falling quickly; The orange, yellowish colors were reflected in the sky, some flying seagulls emitting their characteristic noises from their throats. There was a moon although night had not yet fallen, and it was strange, since the moon must always appear once the sun sets, the moon reflects the light of the Sun enough to be seen at all times, that is why it usually appears during the day or at dusk.

A few more hours and night would fall. Bright stars will appear, small dots in the black sky, the moon will also appear in one of its phases, weakly illuminating the asphalt streets.

Chuuya Nakahara, bored with waiting for his partner, Dazai Osamu, collapses on the couch, falling flat on his face, a sigh leaving his mouth as he turns to look at the white ceiling. At that moment he was wearing a fossil gray shirt and raven black shorts, a plain outfit to be in his bedroom, it would be unusual for other people who are unaware of the ginger-haired young man's personal details, since Chuuya almost always dresses fashionable and designer clothing with good quality.

Chuuya has his black-cased cell phone next to him and chooses to think for a few moments if he should really call Dazai, but what a stupid idea! He would never call his stupid partner just for something so simple, only if it was something crucially important or… he was just drunk. Chuuya puts his hand to his head and rubs his temples, with a grunt, still not knowing if he should pay attention to his already eminent anger, but he stops to think: Is it really worth getting angry over something so insignificant?

He takes his cell phone and looks for Dazai's contact, which he has saved as "Blue Mackerel", a slight smile appears on his lips, oh what a funny nickname, who would have thought that of all the nicknames that a human being can give another, Chuuya would choose the name of a fish.

His finger presses the call button, and immediately there is no immediate response, the repetitive sound of a toot…toot… with interspersed pauses fills the deafening silence of the room.

Finally, Dazai answers.

"Hello, shorty? Did you miss me?" Osamu's irritatingly mocking voice makes Chuuya question himself why he decided to call him in the first place.

"No, not at all, you think you're very special, believe me you're not," Chuuya responds in a firm tone, looking at the ceiling while holding his cell phone to his ear. "I just wanted to see where the hell you were, it's been a while and you still haven't come with the two fucking bubble teas I ordered."

"You know, I'm no servant, Chuuya," his voice drops flat, and a bored tone makes its presence known. "I'm on my way, don't worry so much... I'm just getting into the elevator."

Then he will arrive in less than three minutes, what almost zero relief on Chuuya's face.

Nakahara hangs up and drops his cell phone on the couch.

It wasn't going take long for Dazai to arrive, and Chuuya didn't think it was that bad either, since the series they were going to watch hadn't started yet, there were still ten minutes left, for now there were only advertisements and boring things that only stupid people would watch and actually enjoy.

Knock Knock..

That sound makes Chuuya stand up and sit on the couch, looking slightly defiant before shouting,

"Are you telling me you didn't take the keys to open the door, you idiot?"

"Stop blaming me and open the door! It's winter cold here in the hallway!" is heard on the other side of the door.

Chuuya sighs and with an amused smile he gets up to open the door, finding Dazai's pouty face with a worried expression. "Really... I should have left you out here freezing, I mean, who goes out in shorts, a baggy t-shirt and a coat? If it weren't for the fact that I need that drink because of my appetite, I wouldn't let you in."

"You're so cruel... You hurt my poor feelings, it's not my fault you made me go out like that and didn't even let me change," he complains, gently pushing Chuuya out of the way, taking off his shoes off and leaving them at the entrance. Chuuya frowns.

"You're so whiny," Chuuya replies, rolling his eyes. "Leave the drinks on the table and hurry up if you want to watch the fucking show."

Chuuya closes the door behind him and sits on the couch while he watches as Dazai leaves the bag with the two drinks on the table in front of the television and in a few moments he takes them out of the bag and leaves them on the table, throwing away the plastic bag. He then takes off his beige coat and places it on the coat rack, stretching slightly before flopping down on the couch.

Nakahara then checks the time on his phone. It's six minutes until the series starts, with a small yawn he puts his phone aside to grab his puppy-print blanket and wrap it around himself, and Dazai grimaces.

"Do you really use that thing? They're dogs," he keeps that disgusted face until Chuuya glares at him.

"Do you have a problem with them?"

"Many!"

Chuuya sighs. "Then freeze to death."

"Sometimes you really make me do horrible things," Frowning, he covers himself with the same blanket, sharing it.

The ginger-haired smirks. "Funny."

And that's when Chuuya wants to drink his drink to stab it with the sharp plastic straw and start drinking when Dazai leans sharply towards him to hug him and give him many smooches that Chuuya tries to avoid with his hands while frowning.

"What the fuck do you want... Let go of me," the ginger-haired man complains, raising his hands to his face and avoiding Dazai's affectionate attacks. "You've reached your kiss limit in the morning..."

"Let me show you my love, don't be a bad dog," trying to fight Chuuya's insistence on not being kissed, he lifts him back to his original position and simply rests his head on Chuuya's shoulder with a whine, giving up.

With a long sigh, Chuuya, still frowning, decides to kiss him on the head and then gently caress his already messy hair. "You're such a pain in the ass."

Dazai's embrace tightens, and Chuuya removes Dazai's hands from his torso this time, before finally managing to grab his still-cold drink and stick the straw into it, without difficulty or causing disaster. Seeing that the series has already started, but he had to wait for the intro to finish, he silently takes a sip, enjoying the taste almost casually.

It's Dazai's turn, he grabs his drink, with a smile he stabs it with the straw, although he splashes a few drops on both of his and Chuuya's face. Chuuya glances at him from the corner of his eye, glaring, and Dazai first wipes the sweet liquid off his face, glancing at Chuuya before reaching out to lick one of the drops, making Chuuya feel disgusted.

"You're fucking disgusting."

"But you love me," taking advantage of the approach, he gently kisses Chuuya's lips, before smirking.

"Actually hate you," he corrects.

"Rude much, lying won't fool anyone."

In response, he receives a glare from the shorter one and an audible sigh.

Chuuya's eyes stare at the series that had just started with a girl and her long-haired chihuahua, Chuuya's eyes light up slightly as he smiles. He goes back to drinking his drink.

"Hey, look, that's you!" Dazai points his finger at the screen, mockingly.

"Fuck you..." he curses under his breath.

Even after Dazai's unnecessary comments, Chuuya tries to enjoy the series even with an annoying man by his side.

Just when the young man thinks he's going to have a moment of calm without Dazai interrupting his viewing, a sound snaps him out of his mind.

Slurp.

Dazai slurps his drink loudly.

"Are you fucking kidding me..." Chuuya grumbles, a molest tone on his voice as he puts his free hand on his forehead.

"What's wrong?" Dazai asks, innocently.

"You're the wrong. God damnit, can't you just dip the damn straw deeper instead of bearly touch the liquid with that stupid straw? You are interrupting my favorite series," he complains.

"Good to know," Osamu smiles and, even though he doesn't seem to care about making noise, he still unconsciously sinks the straw to the bottom, eating some tapioca balls in the process.

Minutes pass and everything seems to relax, no sound other than the one that comes out of the episode is heard. For Chuuya it was very entertaining, although for Dazai it was more boring than watching a snail move, in fact he was the one who had finished his bubble tea first, leaving it empty, there was not even a ball of tapioca, he simply left it on the table while he boredly struggled not to fall asleep right there.

More minutes passed like this, until there was not much more time left until the episode of that series ended. The ginger-haired man watched attentively, not paying attention to the fact that he had a sleeping beauty asleep next to him. Chuuya didn't really care if Dazai was watching the episode or not, he just wanted to see how young Molly took care of her little dog.

Just as the credits of the episode rolled, Chuuya had already finished his drink, leaving it next to Dazai's, and with a yawn he rubbed one of his eyes, turning to see and find Dazai sleeping about to fall on top of him.

It was to be hoped that Dazai wasn't completely asleep, otherwise there would have no other explanation for this, a Dazai who had just slid on top of Chuuya. With a sigh, he has no choice but to tolerate and him and his hands clinging to his waist, wrapping his arms around him in a warm embrace that Chuuya found not pleasant at all.

Still, he also can't shake the warm feeling inside his heart that perhaps forces him to not be so rude to Dazai. Chuuya decides to move so he's lying down and somehow forces Dazai to curl up next to him, still holding him possessively. With sleepy eyes, he decides to hug Dazai back and kiss him on the forehead with tenderness. "Good night... Dazai."

And for sure Chuuya would be in denial when he wakes up that he ever kissed Dazai's forehead.

The night envolpes the two of them with the warmth of their bodies.

I don't know if I did right Dazai's and Chuuya's relationship slightly accurate... You guys tell me.

#bsd #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #osamudazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #fluff #bungou stray dogs chuuya

[averageartistamber]

Okay, so Sider Order.

Here's a few of my random observations and thoughts:

So here it looks like Pearl Drone is flying Eight in through a window? Ands it looks like some kind of factory or packaging plant. I've heard folks saying that the things being packed in boxes could be something akin to Mem Cakes from Octo Expansion...Perhaps and early sign that Kamabo.Co is involved.

FINALLY, ENEMIES THAT AREN'T OCTARIANS!

Well, these Goo-bers are interesting. Many have pointed out that they resemble fish species that feed on coral. But I also want to add that they have an "undead" aesthetic even more overt than they sanitised people. Someone on Tiktok pointed out that they look like fossils, and the "jelly" surrounding the bones (and what seems to be their ink) could be a visual pun on "fossil fuels". Note how the "bursts" of fluid don't look anything like the ink that other entities in the series use.

This basically confirms that we'll be playing as Agent Eight. After the first teaser I saw a lot of theories about being a clone floating around.

Now everyone's going crazy about DedF1sh (Or Acht, as they are referring to themselves here.) There's some interesting dialogue here. First of all, "another bystander who got suck in here", so, "another" in this context could be themselves since she's talking to Eight and Pearl, but there could be a chance that we could encounter more people who have ended up at the Spire of Order. Plus, she's most likely not here of her own accord, from the "bystander sucked in" part (assuming she's telling the truth). People are being brought here.

Secondly, Acht mentions knowing Marina from "way back", so we could be getting deeper into Marina's backstory (another common theme in the fan theories). Dedf1sh also introduces the player to the Chip and Palette system, which are a core part of the DLC's gameplay loop, since they appear to be going for a Rogue-like. Ther chips kind of remind me of the paint colour swatches you get at a hardware shop, combined with computer chips (that's not totally relevant, I'll admit).

More stuff to do with the gameplay. It looks like each floor has a few variants with different difficulties and objectives, which reward a currency, most likely used to buy chips and other upgrades. It's giving that impression almost that the Spire is another "testing facility", akin to the Deep Sea Metro. Hopefully this places doesn't contain any blenders.

Unusual way of spawning in, where you can see Eight's soul ghost...thing enter a polygonal model before fully forming. There does seem to be a lot of digital glitchy stuff going on. Maybe some virtual reality elements?

Finally, what I think looks like a boss arena (although some have suggested that this machine is the Big Bad itself). Upon close inspection, the "faces" scattered around it are covered in the oil and are moving around a bit. Looks kinda like Tartar during the final confrontation when he for some reason had a blob of sanitised goop on his face. I might be reading too much into this.

I mean, if they wanna bring Tartar back, he is an AI, so they could say a back-up copy of him was found somewhere. Like, a time capsule with the Professor's crappy spare USB or somethin' idk.

Anyway, that's all I got for know. Just gotta wait for Spring.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon side order #splatoon dlc #dedf1sh #splatoon off the hook #splatoon agent 8

[katsukikitten]

All I can think about today is @saturnsorbits and Denki getting caught in the rain at the only train platform that doesn't have a covering or awning thanks to repairs.

It's a sudden shower, the kind that comes when the day is unbearably hot and you have to wear your stuffy business clothes today since you'll be on the floor instead of tucked away with the artifacts in more comfortable clothes.

Denki, a stranger in a suit beside you, groans audibly when the sky suddenly opens up. The two of you soaked to the bone in seconds while his electrifying honey gaze searches for shelter. Eyes glued to the spot as he instinctively grabs for you, pulling you along gently, although quickly through the torrential down pour until the two of you are squeezed under the smallest awning known to man, so small some of the rain still pelts into Denki's shoulders while he tries to keep you dry.

Well as dry as you can be for a drenched cat.

"Weather man didn't say all this. And when I've got a big exhibit to open." He laughs it off, "Sorry sweetheart ya got caught up in my shite luck."

"An exhibit? "

"Oh yea right. Fossils from Argentina and the ones scattered around North America. Cretaceous Period juvenile dinosaur feathers trapped in resin and the like. " He leans in close like he's sharing a secret, one he's proud of, "I've got an amber the size of my head with a fully intact lizard."

They way he speaks instantly gives you deja vu, your mind's eye only able to recall your computer screen and a series of sporatic emails exchanged between a partner from another museum. He wasn't the easiest to work with, his descriptions on the pieces varying on his interest and what seemed to draw his attention at the time.

But that didn't mean he wasn't the most fun.

"Denki Kaminari?" You tilt your head with your question and he pats down his dripping jacket.

"Damn did I leave my badge on again? They'll kill me if I need another replacement." When his clammy hands come up empty he narrows his eyes as if he too were hit with realization on who you are.

"Wait." He laughs loudly, "Don't tell me."

It's like he can't catch his breath from how hard he howls. It's infections and doubly so when it echoes back around the two of you before thunder tries to steal his lime light.

But it doesn't, not even the flash of lightning can take away from his sunny disposition that in turn makes you giggle.

"Saturn, aw love I've got us caught in the clouds on our big debut." He's laughing again holding his stomach before he finally goes into a light chuckle, exhaling while wiping the tears from this eyes.

"How did you get us caught in this mess?" You're ringing out the jacket you've shed and thunder rolls in the distance in warning that although it was moving away that his brother could strike.

Denki smiles, the air about him going from playful to serious for just a moment, for a few seconds you think you miss. Seeing his sunshine golden eyes darken and lighten just as quick as the passing storm. He tucks some hair behind your ear and that odd air still lingers even with his broad soft smile just as solid as the grey clouds floating over head.

"Because love, where I go the clouds are sure to follow."

#kitten chats 🖤🐈‍⬛ #kitten writes kaminari #denks me boi #kitten writes 🖤🐈‍⬛🖋️