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jasntodds · 1 month

Text

Petrichor [18]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 9,775

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon character death, blood, canon violence, mention of previous abuse, mention of drug use, mention of drug addiction, mention of canon gore, kind of a mention of alcoholism

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I can't believe I've had to type out canon character death 4 times for this series lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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You and Gar are seated on the floor facing each other while Rachel went out to get you some supplies. You're trying to wrap your head around how you're supposed to function around the city and take down Crane when the entire city wants your heads on spikes. The GCPD has always been weird about Batman but now they actually want all of the Titans taken down and with Crane behind it, that can't mean just throwing you all in cells and tossing away the key. You can't just go out and fight every civilian that hates you now. They're brainwashed because that's what Crane does and fighting people who have no clue what they're doing isn't going to help your situation. It feels more like you're all sitting ducks at this point.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Gar asks, breaking the silence between you, earning an eyebrow raise from you. "How Jason came back."

Your eyes narrow slightly, unsure how or why it would bother you. Him being alive is a good thing. "Why would it bother me?"

"I mean the Lazarus Pit." Gar states as he leans forward. "Like, he came back and that's just it? Some water somewhere is magic and can bring people back from the dead. That doesn't make sense."

You nod your head slowly, this is the same thing he told you at the manor when he showed you some of the books Bruce had on it. "Yeah, we went over that. It's because of Ra's which I think makes a lot of sense, honestly. It's still bothering you that much?"

"Yeah, like why doesn't anyone know where it is? Or what if they do but it's a secret. Bruce knew, right? Why didn't Bruce close it off like the others? Why did he keep the one in Gotham open?" Gar rambles off his questions.

Of all topics that's going to pick at Gar, this is it? The Lazarus Pit? You're bothered by it, too but not enough to be sitting here thinking about it when you're worried the Titans are going to be hunted for sport now. You've been separated and you're going to need each other but Gar doesn't seem bothered by it at all. Just the Lazarus Pit.

You blink at him a few times. "I've been trying to rationalize the decisions Bruce makes but I think that's more of a dead end than anything else. If anyone is going to have that answer outside of Bruce, it'd probably be Jason or Dick. But, they don't really get him either. I don't know." You shrug your shoulders. "Bruce is paranoid, maybe that's all there is to it. Couldn't explain why no one else knows..."

"Yeah, he's paranoid!" Gar groans. "So why leave it open?"

"No, I mean that's probably why. Or research." You let out a breath. "Maybe he's worried something will happen if he closes all of them off. Or he needs it to do more research. I don't know." You scoff. "I don't know how he feels about resurrection so maybe he wants to use it to help people or something I have no fucking idea, Gar. I think you'll drive yourself insane if you try to rationalize Bruce Wayne." You lean back on your hands, stretching out your legs.

"Maybe more people know about it." Gar says quietly. "If Crane knew..." Gar trails off as his eyes grow worried.

Without him finishing, you know exactly what he's thinking.

"Yeah, thought of that." You nod your head, your heart skipping a beat.

If Crane knew and his guy knew, more people know. They have to. Gotham is a big city so anyone can stumble upon it. People talk, it's what they do. It can't be that big of a secret. The question is who knows about it. If Crane knows, more Arkham inmates might know. More people who are crooked might know. There have been some really bad people who've been killed. If Jason can come back, so can they.

"We have to find it." Gar states.

"Why?" You ask flatly, tired of the circles you've been running.

"So we can do something about it." Gar says sternly.

"Like what?" Your voice raises.

Considering Crane is literally taking over the city, poisoning the water, and still might be wanting to distribute his drug, you think your hands a little bit full at the moment. Why go messing with something like a Lazarus Pit? That just sounds like a bad idea. Doing research into it is fine but the way you see it, it's probably best to leave well enough alone. Maybe you all should tackle one problem at a time and the Lazarus Pit doesn't seem to be a problem right now.

"I don't know! But maybe we can understand more about it and...use it for good. Or close it off so people like..." Gar's voice trails off as his eyes dodge yours. "The Joker don't get brought back."

"We should leave it alone." You urge, not missing a beat. "That's...that's Bruce and Ra's' business and Jason filled me in on the whole League Of Assassins and the Al Ghuls and I don't want to fuck with them."

"Since when are you on Bruce's side?" Gar scoffs in disbelief. The you he knows would love to do anything to get one over on Bruce, to show him up, prove he's wrong. Or just spite him in general. "He left. He left Dick to clean up his mess."

"I'm not on Buce's side." You grit your teeth. "I don't know why I have to be on anyone's side besides my own, by the way. Look, he's been doing the Batman shit a long fucking time and his methods don't always work but there has to be a reason the pit was left open." You pause for a few seconds before you shake your head. "It brought Jason back. It's not up to us to close it or do something with it."

The room falls silent with your final words. A lot of really bad people can be brought back and that is obviously a big concern. And you disagree with Bruce like you get paid for it but you know if that, of all things, was left open there is a reason for it. It brought Jason back. The way you see it, it can't be up to you and Gar to do anything about it. The Lazarus Pit isn't a battle and it's not up for Gar and you to make it into one. That's Bruce, Ra's' and Jason's business now.

"I got everything." Rachel states as she walks into the room, gaining Gar's and yours attention. The two of you get to your feet as Gar takes the bag from Rachel. "So, this happened last night? With the GCPD?" Rachel asks as Gar looks through the bag and pulls out a box of Cheeze Its.

"Yeah." You nod. "We, uh, we were set up. Dick and Babs had a plan to get the public off our backs but uh, Crane has basically the rest of the department on his payroll now so, uh, yeah." You nod your head as you look to the ground. Gar nudges you softly, offering you the bag. You look inside, seeing clothes. "Thank you." Your eyes widen at Rachel as you nod your head but before you can go to change, all of your phones start blaring an alarm.

The three of you pull out your phones, hoping this means cell towers are back up and running but you can never get so lucky. Instead, Jason wearing the Red Hood suit appears on your screens. Sam's heart falls to her feet. This is never good.

"Hello Gotham!" Jason cheers. "It's Red Hood coming to you live from the most exclusive spot in town: The Batcave. For too long, this city has been at the mercy of criminals and I'm not just talking about the Penguin and the Riddler and The Joker. I'm talking about the ones who pretend to help but only make things worse. First Batman and now the Titans. Hypocrites who feed off of your terror and pursuit of glory and they turn Gotham into a city of carnage. But it all comes to an end today. There's a new savior in town. First thing I'm going to do is burn the trash. You hear me, Nightwing? You're public enemy numero uno. But not for long, meet me at midnight. You know the place. It's time for us to finish this." Jason finishes before the screens go black.

You can feel the headache coming back. What the fuck?

"Okay, what the hell was that about?" Gar asks, looking to you.

Just last night Jason got you both to safety, took out the snipers. Gar might have been a bit out of it but he remembers that pretty vividly. Now, Jason is back with Crane?

"I literally have no fucking idea." You let out a groan, stuffing your phone back into the pocket of your suit.

"I thought he was on our side?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah." Gar raises his brows. "Isn't he supposed to be?"

"He is!" You immediately defend, desperately grabbing for an ounce of faith and reason Jason might have. "I don't know what he's doing. Maybe..." You pull in a breath, trying to figure out why he'd be acting like he's trying to target the Titans. If it were you, it'd be an act, a ploy to play both sides. "Maybe it's to meet up with Dick? I don't know. I mean, he has to make the public think he's with them and not us. He has to play along with Crane or he's dead again. And Crane clearly has access to the towers so it's not like Jason can just...call Dick. Crane might know." You nod your head, mostly just blurting out whatever bullshit you could come with on the spot.

"That's not reassuring." Gar remarks. "How do we know he's not working with Crane again?" Gar asks and he wants to hold onto hope that's not the case but after everything, even he's starting to be chiseled down into a calloused version of himself.

"We don't." You state, holding your head steady, careful not to waver. "We don't know. I don't think he would but it's always possible Crane drugged him again, I guess." You roll your eyes before you roll your shoulders. "Okay, I'm gonna go find Dick."

"No!" Gar protests. "They're going to try to kill you if you go out there. We need to stay hidden until we think of a plan."

"Yeah, I'm with Gar on this one." Rachel states, glancing between the two of you.

"I know this city like the back of my hand. I can find him and be fine." You argue back casually.

At this point, you aren't too afraid of what's out there. It can't possibly be any worse than anything you've experienced lately. You can change, go out as a civilian until you find them. It shouldn't take too long and if it does, you know where they'll be at midnight and you can go there. Someone has to find Dick before any of this gets any worse. And someone needs to find Jason to make sure he's not actually going to try and kill Dick again. You're volunteering, again.

"How are we supposed to find you again then?" Gar asks.

"I don't know." You shrug. "Rache's ESP or whatever?" Rachel offers a slight glare to you as you shrug and give her a grin. "That's kind of what it is." You mutter under your breath. "Whatever Rachel just used, use that. I'm gonna find Dick and if I can't, I know where they're gonna meet."

"Why do you know that?" Rachel asks.

"Because I know Jason and so does Dick. So I'm gonna go there if I have to." The casualness of your voice is not reassuring to Gar or Rachel.

"We're gonna try to find the Lazarus Pit then." Gar states, holding his head high as he crosses his arms.

"You're not gonna stop about that are you?" You ask slowly, giving Gar a slight glare.

"Nope." Gar offers you a smile right back which gets your rather cold exterior to crack just a little.

"Fine but can you promise not to mess with it...like don't take any water...liquid? From it, okay? Or have Rachel try to destroy it." You raise your brows at Rachel and then at Gar who starts to beam.

"Of course not." Gar nods his head once. "I just want to find it, learn more."

"Alright." You let out a sigh. "I'll change and head out. If we don't meet up and you don't hear from me before somehow, we'll meet back here at noon tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good." Rachel offers a soft smile. "Don't do anything stupid."

You let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, too late." You look back to Gar. "You guys don't do anything stupid." You smile cheekily at Gar before you turn on your heels. "Be careful!" You wave a hand as you leave the room.

You start your search near the tunnel system, hoping Jason will be there at least but he's not. The reality is that if Jason doesn't want to be found, he won't be. That little bit of information about him has you starting to really worry. It's probably nothing. Jason is probably just with Crane, getting information and saving his own ass. But, there's this small part of you that does wonder if he's preparing to go after Dick again. As much as you don't want it to be true, a part of your trust in him is gone. It's been ripped and torn to unrecognizable shreds. It's as if he took that trust and ripped it apart, baring his teeth with anger like a rabid bear and it can't be mended from that. It's not how it works. There is no fixing it. Just gaining something new and you are not there yet. That leaves you questioning his motives even if the beating between your ribs is telling you his intentions are only pure.

Finding Dick is of no use either. You don't even know where he would go. At least with Jason, you know he likes the school around the block from the library but he doesn't care for that library. He prefers the one near the shelter that houses mostly kids. He has his favorite gargoyle. Finding Jason, when he wants to be found, is easy but Dick? You have no clue where he would even go. He probably has places to go but you aren't sure of any of them which leaves you mostly wandering around until it gets closer to midnight.

By then, it's time to change and meet them at the spot. If nothing else, Dick will be there and you'll be able to tell him where Gar and Rachel are.

This is not how Jason wanted this to go. He wanted to meet up with Dick but with Crane having control of the entire city, he couldn't risk it. Too bad for Jason because Dick does not trust him. Dick has offered him no benefit of the doubt of this not turning into a fight and no part of Jason actually blames him even if he's mad. Of course, Dick doesn't trust him. Why would he? But Jason doesn't stop fighting him to try to explain anything and neither does Dick. Instead, the two of them fight, throwing punches and kicks. Dick uses the enigma sticks and Jason shoots at Dick a few times. It's turned into chaos.

Somehow the roles have flipped. Jason doesn't want to kill Dick but by the way Dick is fighting, Jason is scared Dick will fight him till the death and Jason doesn't want to die again...not yet. It leaves him with no choice. Fight harder, faster, better. Be better.

But Jason and Dick's attention is pulled away from each other.

"What the fuck are you idiots doing?!" You yell, fully suited up again and just walking up to see the chaos they're creating.

This does not look good. They shouldn't be fighting. If all Jason wanted to do was meet up with Dick, they shouldn't be fighting. Something went wrong and at this point, you aren't even sure who caused it this time. But by the way Dick snaps his attention back to Jason and smacks him with the stick, you almost wonder if it were Dick that started this.

Jason doesn't take it lightly, immediately stepping back into combat mode and firing a shot at him. You roll your eyes, pulling out your grappling hook and a knife. You aim the hook at Jason's feet and the knife at Dick before you fire and throw. The hook smacks Jason's feet, throwing his aim off while the knife's end hits Dick's arm with enough force to get him to drop his stick.

"Hello? What the fuck are you two morons doing?" You snap again.

"He started it!" Jason yells as he points at Dick like a child.

Dick snaps his attention back to Jason. "Me?!"

"You threatened to kill him again, Jason!" You yell at him. "Seriously, what the fuck is going on?!"

Jason spins to look over at you. You cannot believe he wanted to fight Dick again. Of all people, you have to know this is not what he came here to do tonight.

"I just wanted to fucking talk and he attacked me!" Jason points at Dick again.

"Gee, I wonder why Dick would attack someone who just threatened to kill him. It's a real brain teaser, Jay." You quip back but you roll your eyes and look over to Dick. "So...you gonna kill him now?"

"I saw him!" Dick defends as he points the stick at Jason once he picks it up. Are they both five? "At the PD." Dick clarifies. "He was on the roof when we came out. He was in on it!" Dick closes the distance between them and smacks him with the stick again.

Jason doesn't miss a beat in fighting back, not even bothering to explain that he was at GCPD to help. Of course, Jason isn't going to try to explain that now. You're just exhausted with these two. At some point, they need to learn how to communicate with words and you figure, maybe they can just fight it out for once. Maybe they need to just fight until they get tired. So, you cross your arms and decide you'll watch and try to intervene if it looks like they might actually kill each other.

Dick ends up disarming Jason entirely, sending him to the ground just as a crowd of civilians gather around to watch the show and that's when your stomach starts to sink. Jason will be fine but these people hate Dick. The fight turns into a violent hand-to-hand fight, the two of them throwing punches and kicks as hard as they can and going for the neck. Jason grabs Dick's neck, pushing him back but Dick grabs Jasn, throwing him over Dick's head and slamming him on his back onto the hard pavement. You wince at the sight and sound. Dick walks over and picks up one of Jason's guns before he goes back to Jason and stands right over him. Dick points the gun at Jason's head.

You're quick to run and stand over Jason. You look up at Dick. "Dude, put the gun down." You put your hands out in surrender, the gun aimed at your stomach. "You're not gonna kill him." Your voice doesn't waver even if you're not entirely sure if that's true anymore.

Would Dick kill him?

Jason doens't want to die. It feels wrong to be back. It feels wrong. Like he's stretching the universe too far and it's all going to snap back, straighten itself out and toss him back into the grave where he belongs. But today, at the hands of Dick Grayson? No. He is not dying tonight so he decides to taunt Dick. Even if Dick wants to kill him, he'll never do it. He'd never give Jason the satisfaction even if Dick were able to toss his morals to the side.

"I did this to you." Jason mutters.

"Shut the fuck up, so fucking help me." You look to the sky in annoyance.

"You did this to yourself." Dick points the gun past you, aiming at Jason again. You move to stand in front of the gun again.

You were just shot two days ago. As badly as it hurt and as bad as it still sucks now, you'll take the bullet if you need to. No one is dying tonight. You've all lost too many people already and this is over a miscommunication.

"Come on. Give me the fucking gun." You mutter. "You're not like us." You plead, locking eyes with Dick.

There's something about the way you say it that gains even Jason's attention. It's not pained or sympathetic, it's just honest. It's not remorseful even, just honest and candid. But it's sad with the smallest touch of desperation. It says everything Dick and Jason need to know about how you really feel about people killing other people.

Dick looks at the gun and back to you. He hands you the gun and you take it, removing the bullets immediately and tossing them before you bend down beside Jason to make sure he's okay. For a second, you really thought Dick just might pull the trigger.

"You okay?" You ask softly as Jason leans up on his forearms, his head and back throbbing from the impact.

Jason looks back at you, brows pinched tightly together but then he sees movement from the corner of his eye, grabbing his attention behind Dick. "Nightwing." Jason's voice is rough but stern, harsh. A warning. Jason's eyes widen with the slight nod of his head.

You follow his stare, seeing an innocent civilian aiming a gun at Dick. Dick's brows pull together but before he can turn around, the kid starts shooting. Lucky for Dick, the suit is bulletproof. The bullets bounce right off as Dick turns around. The gunfire comes to a stop as you and Jason watch from your spot behind him. The both of you start to worry, just a little because the suit might be bulletproof but the kid just needs one lucky shot for this to be catastrophic.

"Woah, easy. I'm not here to hurt you." Dick says, putting his hand out as he walks towards the kid.

You get to your feet first, offering Jason a hand up. Jason takes it but the two of you keep your eyes on the kid. Scared kid, a gun, a guy painted to be the enemy fighting the guy painted to be the hero. The air fills with dread, suffocating Jason with its bare hands tattooed with guilt and regret. It's his fault Dick is here. It's his fault he didn't just say what happened and what he wanted. None of these people should even be here. What is he supposed to do?

"Careful, put the gun down." Dick states.

Jason pulls out another gun, switching to new bullets. He's definitely not going to shoot a scared kid who thinks he's doing the right thing. But, he can shoot in that general direction, he can just use it as a threat if he needs to. He doesn't want to threaten the kid but if he has to he will. He did not come here to kill Dick, get Dick killed, or watch him die. Not tonight.

"What the hell are you doing?" You whisper to him.

"Being prepared." Jason mutters back.

Dick hears Jason and turns around to face him before he starts walking back toward you and Jason. Dick is on guard, feeling as if he can't trust Jason. The second his back is turned, Jason is reloading a gun. From Dick's perspective, Jason isn't done fighting and Jason poses more of a threat than the kid. So, he pulls out the enigma stick again.

Before Dick can reach you and Jason, the kid starts shooting again. Dick is blocking them but Jason pulls you behind him, blocking you from the few shots not even putting any thought into it. But, by the time the third shot rings across the stale air, it finally makes proper contact with Dick. The kid got lucky. The kid got lucky, sending the bullet into Dick's neck right above where his armor stops.

It's as if the entire scene falls into slow motion as you and Jason watch in horror as the blood spurt from Dick's neck. Jason's heart stops beating entirely as Dick's hand goes to his neck, trying to put pressure on the wound. Jason eyes the kid who doesn't even look surprised or sorry or fucking scared. He doesn't look scared. He should look scared.

Jason didn't feel scared killing all those people but if he weren't high, he would have at least felt something. There would have been some part of him that would have felt some sort of fear or remorse or pity or he would have had a thought questioning if it were the right thing to do. Is this really the last resort? He would have felt fucking something other than pride for a job well done. This kid does not look like any of those things. He looks like he just did something on a random Tuesday night. No remorse, no consequences. Just a thing he did.

What is the city turning into?

What has Jason turned this city into?

"I did it for you." The kid's wavered voice breaks the silence, shattering the slowed illusion.

Jason glances to Dick as he falls to the ground and then he looks back to the kid. This is not what he wanted. Crane, Jason, they convinced the public of this. That this was the right way. Jason may not have had a part in that video but it never would have been made if it weren't for him. The public is gonna get blood on their hands. This will clear up, somehow, someway, it will and now this innocent kid, has to deal with the death of someone on his own hands for someone who was masquerading around like a hero, like a savior.

"Red Hood." The kid states, this time the unsteadiness of his voice is gone. And then he starts chanting Jason's vigilante name, over and over and over again as the rest of the civilians join in.

You look at him with heartbreak before you run over to Dick, pushing him onto his back where you put your hand over the neck wound. How could this happen? Another person? Another fucking person? Dick was always right about Gotham. Maybe Bruce was right about Gotham.

Jason went into more detail about what Bruce said to him the day he took Robin away. Bruce had said something about how people lose themselves to the city. Maybe he was right. Maybe they go mad, maybe they turn into murderers, and maybe they die. But eventually, maybe everyone gets lost in the city of damaged hopes. And maybe Dick was right, too. This city takes and it changes people. It's as if this city needs the chaos of destruction in order to stay afloat and it waits in the shadows, just waiting for the perfect victim at the right time before it sinks its teeth into them. It bleeds them of all their good parts until there's nothing left. A perfect sacrifice for the city.

Maybe that's all Gotham is because Dick is bleeding out because some kid got fucking lucky with a gun.

Jason watches in horror and having everyone chant his name does not sound as good as he once thought it would. At one point, he thought having everyone cheer for him would feel good. He would be important but he just got his brother shot. Someone who has almost always just tried to help him. Jason has been out here trying to kill him and thanks to you, Dick was willing to trust Jason and give him a second chance but now he's just been shot and it's his fault. And he's going to die because of him.

Jason knows what it's like to die and it's fucking terrifying and painful. Tears brim his eyes and the crowd is still chanting and he sees your cheeks glistening in the low streetlights around you. He wanted to talk but when Dick attacked first, rightfully so, he just couldn't help it. He thought that it was over for him and maybe it didn't have to be. How the fuck did he get here again? He should have just surrendered. That's all he had to do but his ego and pride get in the fucking way. All he ever does is get in the way. Dick's gonna die and it's all his fault.

He wants to run, get out of here because it's all too much. Too loud, too heavy. Too much pressure. Everyone is cheering as if Jason pulled the trigger and killed the worst of the worst. They're brainwashed and Jason knows that better than anyone. Someone has to snap them out of it. It's too much but running and pushing has never done him much good.

"Get out here!" Jason yells over the crowd as the chanting slows down. Your attention, like the rest of the crowd, lands on him. "Go! Before I start fucking shooting." Jason aims the gun into the air, his arm steady and his eyes threatening.

"We're on your side!" One of the citizens announces.

"So do what I fucking say." Jason snips back. "Didn't ask for you fucking help here. Get out of here." Jason takes steps toward the crowd as they start to back away.

They grumble and mutter amongst themselves before they eventually disburse. Jason takes that as his cue to run up beside you, leaning over Dick. There's blood pooling out of his mouth as he gasps for air.

"I can't stop the bleeding." You state. "Think he hit the fucking artery."

"I got it." Jason mutters, slightly nudging you out of the way where he can replace your hands with his. You have had enough blood on your hands lately, this is on Jason.

Neither of you have ever seen Dick look scared or panicked. Surely, he feels it. He is human and normal, mostly. But, he's really good at hiding it. With Deathstroke, you didn't see the look of pure terror on his face when you were standing outside the window. You didn't see the look of horror and agony on his face as Jason was falling to his death. You didn't see it because Dick has always been good at making sure no one sees those emotions from him. He has to be strong, sturdy, and a little calloused in order for everyone else not to panic. If the leader looks panicked and scared, so will everyone else. If everyone is scared and panicked, mistakes are made and more people die. So, he hides it. Until now.

Dick can feel the blood loss taking over, making him light-headed. The blood loss and bullet wounds alone are making it harder to breathe. He knows how long he has, maybe minutes but nothing more. Not unless you or Jason can get some sort of help in the next few seconds. He's going to die and it is fucking terrifying. He isn't ready. He has too much left. Who is going to look after the Titans if he dies? Who's going to stop Crane? He has too much life to live, outside of the Titans to die tonight but he is helpless. There is no help and there is no hope. It's just him bleeding out in the middle of downtown Gotham.

"Get." Dick tries to pull in a breath. "Help."

You look around and you don't see a single person around. Your heart starts to break as the lump comes back to your throat. It destroyed you when Jason died and it destroyed you when your mom died. You're actually pretending like Tim survived just in case he didn't. You can't deal with it if he died, too. But, you look back at Dick and you're really scared he'll die.

You might fight with him all the time and disagree with him usually, but you have a lot of respect for him. He saved your life more than once. You might not like his morals but you think he is a good person and he tries a lot harder than anyone else ever would. To help innocent people. To help you, no obligation, no transaction, no contingencies. He helps you because he just does. Just like with Rachel and Gar, and despite what Jason thinks, you think that's why he tried to help Jason, too. Just because. It shouldn't be Dick to die. The Titans need him. He's a really good leader, usually. It's almost shocking but he is. And everyone trusts him. The Titans will fall apart if he dies. They practically fell apart when Donna died but Dick would kill them. The Titans need him. You need him.

Jason glances over to you, knowing this is going to be bad. He's not going to make it and by the look of devastation in your eyes, he knows you feel it, too. And then the throbbing under Jason's hands comes to a slow halt.

"Dick?" Jason questions, looking back at him. "Hey, man, stay awake." Jason holds his voice steady, careful not to let it slip how much this is ripping him to shreds. "I can't feel his pulse." Jason says quietly, glancing back to you before he pulls his hand away, trying a different spot but he still feels nothing.

"Keep your hands on the wound." You mutter, moving to the opposite side before you place your hands on his chest and start chest compressions.

Jason watches you, trying to keep his hands steady on the wound but with every ump, Jason can feel blood coming from the wound, warming his hands. The tip of Jason's nose starts to feel like it's on fire while his eyes feel like someone's just thrown sand into them. This cannot be happening. Dick is otherwise dead and he's got you doing CPR, just as you did the night Jason died. And Jason can't peel his eyes away from you as some sort of self-torture because he thinks this is probably similar to how you looked that night.

The hood of your suit falling off of your head, resting lazily on your shoulders and moving with every compression. The way your hair is a complete mess. Tear-stained cheeks shining against any light that they catch. And blood soaking your skin. Jason wonders if this is the exact sight Babs walked in on. You must have felt so alone.

"Dick!" You and Jason hear Gar's voice from across the pavement, wet footsteps picking up their pace. "What happened?" Gar yells as him and Rachel get closer to the two of you.

"He was shot." Jason states as you don't miss a single beat.

"He's not breathing." You rush with heaving breath.

"Are you sure?" Gar asks with glossy eyes.

You stop, feeling for a pulse and there's still nothing. "Positive." You continue chest compressions, looking to Rachel who falls to her knees beside you.

"Is there anything you can do?" Gar asks, looking at Rachel.

You stop, sitting back on your toes, to see if Rachel can use her powers somehow to save him. It might not have worked on Donna but maybe it could work on Dick. He hasn't been dead long. Maybe that matters and Jason and Gar seem to have the same hope. Jason pulls away while Gar keeps his stance steady, almost holding his breath as Rachel tries her powers, a purple glow coming from her hands over Dick's neck. But nothing comes from it. Instead, the purple fades as Rachel lets out a cry.

"It's too late." Rachel sniffles, looking to Gar.

Gar lets out a scream as tears start to fall from your eyes. Jason's eyes stay trained on Dick, almost distant as he thinks the pain of it all has just chewed him to pieces. What are you gonna do?

You look to Rachel who looks like she might break into a million pieces right in front of you. Gar yells again as bats crowd the space above all of you. The four of you look up, watching the bats circle around all of you. Gar starts to have problems with his eyes as he rubs them only for his face to start turning green and then his hands start to change until his body follows. Suddenly, Gar is a bat, flying with the others above you.

"Gar?" Rachel asks.

You, Jason, and Rachel get to your feet as the bats circle closer and closer to Dick, Gar right in the mix of them. You all back away as the bats fly down to Dick and start to pick him up, all of them working together. They fly Dick high into the air before they start moving.

"What...the....fuck?" You look to Rachel as she'll have some sort of answer.

"That's new, right?" Jason looks to you who just nods.

"Come on." Rachel says, without missing a beat, grabbing some of Gar's clothes before she starts following the bats and Gar.

You and Jason exchanged a confused look before deciding to follow. You both have absolutely nothing left to lose at this point.

"I thought he couldn't turn into anything else?" You ask as the three of you run to keep up with the bats.

"He turned ito a snake once." Jason answers, not even thinking.

He was possessed at the time and the reason Gar turned into a snake in the first place but Gar talked about it a lot at first. Jason tried to help him transform again, several times with different methods. Getting him mad, scaring him, sparring harder with him, they tried everything but nothing ever worked. And then Gar stopped talking about it.

"Yeah, once but now he's a bat?" You question. "What the fuck?"

"Is that really what you're concerned about right now?" Rachel asks, her voice torn between amusement and worry.

"I mean..." You suck in a breath. "It's better than the alternative. I would prefer to focus on the weird shit than the sad shit."

Rachel gives you a subtle glare as you keep up your fast walk. It's not a long walk before you all reach the entrance of a building and Rachel is the only one who understands what's happening.

"They're taking him to the Lazarus Pit." Rachel says as Gar and the bats take Dick into the building.

"What?" Jason almost demands as his steps come to a hard stop. "You found it?"

"Yeah." Rachel mutters softly, turning around to see Jason not walking and you standing a few feet in front of him.

He can't go in there. It feels wrong. How do you know Dick would want that? Would he want it? If someone were to have asked Dick before he died if this is what he wanted, would he say yes? Would he agree to it without knowing the consequences of being brought back? Would he be okay with the constant feeling of being pulled back to the dark where the Grim Reaper waits with a smile?

But Jason looks at you and Rachel, the two who Dick has saved. It's not his place to argue it. Dick hasn't been dead long. Maybe he won't feel the way Jason does. Jason was dead a few days. Maybe it's different. Maybe the Pit has different effects the longer someone is dead so it's not his place. Jason hasn't been on good terms with Dick in a few weeks, he doesn't get a say. But, he can't go in. The pull is too strong and his bones feel like they might vibrate and shatter right through his skin. He can't do it.

"You coming, Jay?" You ask softly as you close the distance between you. You thought maybe he'd want to see the thing that brought him back. It is fascinating. And maybe he could be there if it works for Dick. Maybe help.

"No." Jason shakes his head. "I'm going to Crane." Jason spits it out without thinking as he watches the shock consume your face.

"Do you think that's really a good idea?" Rachel asks as a wince almost consumes her entire expression.

Jason takes a step towards you and nods his head at Rachel before looking back at you. "I gotta try to fucking help. Maybe I can get Crane to spill with Dick dead. He won't know about the Pit."

He has to do this. Maybe he can convince Crane to give up some form of information. If the Pit can bring Jason back, it can bring Dick back. He's going to wake up in a few hours and now it's Jason's job to get him some answers so they finally put this whole thing out of its misery. He owes Dick that much.

"Are you sure?" You ask, eyes scanning his face as if fully convinced this is just him avoiding something.

Jason nods softly. "Yeah, go with them. We'll meet later." Jason offers something that's not quite a smile.

You don't like the idea but...maybe Crane will think Nightwing's death is on Jason's hands. Maybe that'll be enough for Crane to actually trust Jason just enough to offer some sort of information to him. It's the right thing to do.

"Okay." You nod reluctantly. "Be careful, yeah?"

"Always." Jason gives you the subtle smirk he always does before he nods and runs off in the opposite direction.

The two of you go into the building, following the way Gar and the other bats took as you run to catch up. You get to an open room where a glowing pool of blue liquid sits right in the middle of the room. Gar and the other bats hover above it, holding Dick's lifeless body.

"Gar, now!" Rachel yells as the bats start to lower Dick into the water.

Once Dick is lowered, the bats fly around until Dick is completely submerged and then they disburse. Besides Gar. You and Rachel sit at the edge of Lazarus Pit, just watching as it starts to bubble. This whole thing is weird but you can't help but feel just a little bit of hope. If it worked for Jason, it should work for Dick.

"You're not allowed to leave anymore." You mutter, keeping your eyes on the Pit.

"What?" Rachel shakes her head in confusion.

"You're not allowed to leave. Everything went to shit and you show up, find me and Gar and then the damn pit. You can't leave, Titans need you." You nod your head quickly as Rachel smiles softly, looking back to the pit.

Gar transforms back to himself and starts getting dressed. Once he has his pants on, he walks to the edge of the pit, standing opposite you and Rachel. He's blinking dramatically, having a subtle sway to stance as he tries to get his equilibrium back to normal.

"He's gonna make it, right?" Gar asks, looking at you.

Gar isn't sure how you would know but you're the one who's had more conversations with Jason than anyone. Jason might not know a lot but something about asking you gives Gar hope. Maybe you do know the Pit works every single time. Gar hopes it works like that.

"I don't know." You shrug. "Uh...J-Jason just said, uh, that someone put him in it and then he was alive. So..." You nod your head. "I-I guess if that's all there is...yeah. Jason was dead for a few days so..." You pull in a shaky breath.

"I can't believe he actually died." Rachel states, her eyes on the pit. She says it mostly out of hope that whatever happened with Jason to bring him back, will bring Dick back.

You glance to her before you pull your knees to your chest. You know it's because Rachel is finding all of this out for the first time while everyone else has had a few weeks to digest the news and fumble their way through the aftermath. But, no one can believe Jason not only died but then came back. It's the way it's talked about, how it's said in passing and so casually that you almost wonder if they're all just...fine with it. At the end of the day, Jason died. He died. That was something that happened and he remembers it. As someone who was nearly beaten to death, you know that was haunting. Is haunting. You can't imagine what dying is actually like. And how terrified he probably still feels. But, everyone else is...it's as if that aspect of it, doesn't matter. To some extent, you get it. You understand because he became Red Hood and decided to kill Dick. You understand because they didn't see it. But, it irks you anyway.

"Sorry." Rachel says quietly. "I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant that it's kind of crazy. Jason was reckless but I didn't think he'd actually get killed." Rachel explains calmly.

"No, it's okay." You shake your head. "You're just getting the news of everything and then Dick is killed. I get it, don't worry about it."

"Are you okay?" Gar asks, his brows knitted together in their usual state of worry.

"I'm fine." You look up to him with one stern nod. "Been here a few times, right?" You quip bitterly.

"That's why I asked." Gar nods his head.

"Yeah, I'm good." You sniffle. "Are you guys okay? I mean...it's Dick." You look between Rachel and Gar as if feeling you have no right to grieve him as much as them.

You've been at odds with Dick most of the time over the last few weeks. It doesn't seem fair for you to absorb any space for grief. It should be given to Rachel and Gar.

"No." Gar answers. "What're we supposed to do without him?" Gar's voice nearly shatters.

"We don't have to think about that because if it worked for Jason, it'll work for Dick." Rachel states with ease and you're not sure who she's trying to convince.

"Yeah." Gar says shortly.

"I think we need to force the batboys into therapy after this. Group and individual until they learn how to have a conversation." You groan, trying not to focus on Dick actually dying and not coming back from this.

"We all need therapy." Gar mutters as he comes to sit on the other side of you.

The three of you fall silent, just watching the pit with no idea how long this is supposed to take or if you'll even know if it works or not. This is definitely the pit but none of you know the logistics of it. For all you know, this isn't going to work or it could take hours or days. So, you just fall into silence, mostly thinking of everything that's happened.

It's haunting and sets reality into stone of the work you all do. Of couse, it was real the day Donna died. Wonder Girl was killed. It was real then, too. But, it was an accident. And then it was real when Jason died. But, it was Jason who was killed by The Joker. That was different. This is Dick though. He's the leader and even when he's wrong, he still knows what to do. He was Robin. He's Nightwing. He's not supposed to die and he did anyway. And it was by some kid with a gun. It wasn't The Joker or Two Face or Deathstroke. It was just some kid. A kid Dick would have protected but everyone turned their backs on the Titans over Crane. And Dick was killed for it.

What are you all supposed to do if this doesn't work? Just go back to San Francisco like nothing happened? That doesn't seem possible. It'll just feel cold and lonely.

Between the three of you sitting here, he's saved your lives more times than you can count. He is the older and annoying brother none of you really asked for. It's losing another family member. But...it hits a little different this time. So, the air around you feels like it's carrying bricks and the guilt of the entire world.

Jason, he's also still processing everything that's just happened. When he left to meet Dick, he knew he'd have to start talking immediately, given his own broadcast and conversation with Dick. But, then the flashbang went off and it's like it...triggered something in him where he just had to fight. He just had to. Something deep inside of him told him Dick would never let him explain why he did what he did. It's the immediate defensive mechanism and he knows it. But, he's on the way back to the manor and he's thinking that was just dumb. It was not giving Dick any bit of credit which Jason doesn't like to do on most days but he deserved this time. And now he's dead. He's dead and that's Jason's fault because that kid was defending him. Everything is his fault even when he is desperately clawing his way away from all of this. It follows him.

He told you that, months ago, it follows him like a curse and he has never been so sure of that. First it was his mom. He is not mad at her and he holds no resentment towards her but he wasn't enough for her. She chose those drugs every single day over him and he knows part of that was so she could function. That's how it started. It started so she could take care of him. If it weren't for him in the first place, his mom wouldn't have gotten addicted and then she'd still be here.

His dad was angry and desperate because he was just trying to provide for them. He was down and out and he was an ass and abusive but there was a point, before the alcohol, where he was trying. He was trying and if it weren't for Jason being an extra mouth to feed who needed other things, maybe his dad wouldn't have been so angry and desperate.

Had he never gone after Deathstroke, you wouldn't have been there. Had he never gone after Deathstroke, the Titans wouldn't have left and the tower wouldn't have been attacked or the Titans would have fought together. Gar wouldn't have been kidnapped and turned into a killer. Donna wouldn't have died.

You wouldn't been traumatized had he never went after the Joker. You wouldn't have been shot. Dick wouldn't have been shot and killed. Hank wouldn't have been killed. Everything that's happened has been following right on his heels like a rabid dog chasing him down a dead end alley. There is no escape. He is just stuck in this constant spiral of agony and causing everyone else around him the worst pain they will ever experience.

This is all his fault and there's nothing he can do anymore.

Even if the Pit works, will Dick remain the same? Or will he be as terrified and traumatized and stuck as Jason? Whatever side effects Dick gets from the Pit, that has to fall on Jason, too.

Jason reaches the Batcave, the cuts from Dick's punches still bleeding over his face. Crane is dragging his scythe on the floor, his face covered in fresh cuts. He's got this evil and eerie smile while there's a body on a table, cut open with his organs sticking out. This is the first time he's ever felt terrified of Crane. At the hospital, it wasn't Crane Jason was worried about it. It was who would call in. But this? This is Crane losing his damn mind on some, likely, innocent person and Jason thinks his days are definitely numbered with him. Everyone's days are numbered with him.

"Nightwing's dead." Jason states, his words flat and pained.

"Batman saved my toy." Crane says but it's only slightly enthusiastic, almost childlike as he holds up the scythe by the chain. Crane lets out a light chuckle as Jason just watches him closely, ready to move if Crane tries to pull anything. "A trinket of our courtship together. Who would have thought he was so...sentimental."

Jason's eyes narrow as he watches Crane. All of this...over his scythe? Jason knew he was insane but he's really pushing the envelope tonight.

"Did you hear me?" Jason questions but with no venom or snark. His chest is in so much agony, he doesn't think he can muster it at this second. "I said Nightwing is dead!" Jason gets himself to yell, growing frustrated.

"So?" Crane states. "Wasn't my monster." Crane states plainly but not in the way where his words feel light. This time there's something heavy and dark in his tone, running a chill up Jason's spine. The scythe drops to the floor, Crane still holding it by the chain. "He's your monster. What do you want? A cookie?" Crane offers a half-assed chuckle, mostly to himself.

A fire starts erupting through Jason's blood like an overdue volcano. He can't be serious. Getting clean, Jason realizes that so much of the shit Crane was spilling was just him manipulating him, making sure Jason had no one to run to besides Crane. But, there's some part of him that is still hurt and disgusted by the reaction. It was Crane's idea.

"You said that's what you wanted." Jason argues softly, taking just a few steps toward Crane. "When it was done, we would save Gotham my way." Jason's voice is small as the sense of betrayal kicks in.

He is only here to find out what Crane has planned and then he's gone. But, he can't help how badly it hurts. It would hurt anyway because he was manipulated into it. Turned against someone who has been looking out for him. But, Jason, as far as he knows, felt like Crane figured they were still on the same side. This doesn't feel that way. That's when Jason is realizing that's the point. Jason does the dirty work so Crane can be up at the top, hands clean and filled with the power Jason served him on a silver platter.

He knew that's all it was but maybe a part of him still believed otherwise and for the life of him, he has no idea why.

"Gotham will be saved." Crane starts his walk towards Jason, holding his scythe so it doesn't drag on the floor. "But first, it must be destroyed. As clever hopes expire, waves of fear and anger circulate over the bright and darken the lands of the earth." Crane explains as he uses the chain to sway the scythe back and forth while he paces in front of Jason.

"What the fuck kind of gibberish is that?" Jason quips back not even entirely sure if Crane is actually coherent.

"No," Crane says quickly, turning to face Jason. "No, not gibberish. No, it's the past come to life in the present." Crane pauses and Jason realizes how completely fucked he is. "An ode to the bat and his wee bird. When they stopped me, but they can't stop me now. No." Crane is looking away from Jason and Jason is starting to wonder if Crane is talking to him or just talking to himself or some third person Jason isn't aware of. "They can't stop me now...because." Crane shakes his head. "Because we will walk among them. The dead." Crane looks back at Jason and Jason hangs his head, something about him basically being the dead. "And the fallen city will be like...it'll be like a beacon. Very soon, very soon, Jason, very very soon they will die. Yes, they will die."

What the hell is this maniac even talking about?

"Who will die?" Jason asks cautiously.

"All of them!" Crane faces Jaosn as he screams, his entire face turning red. "All of them! Everybody." Crane looks to the floor and this is not how Jason wanted to fix Gotham. The answer isn't gutting the fucking the city. "You still stink of fear. After all that I've given you."

Jason's growing tired of Crane's babbling. It's not making any sense and he wants to get the fuck away from him before Crane tries to slice him in two like the other guy.

"You said I was gonna be a savior." Jason nods his head at him, a hint of disgust in his voice. "Is that your whole plan? Destroy the fucking city?"

"Is that not what it's been about?" Crane states almost whimsically.

"And how the fuck do you plan to do that?" Jason lets out a scoff but Crane just offers him a harsh glare as Jason sees his grip tighten on the chain.

Crane isn't going to tell him anything and even if he does, it'll likely be an incoherent mess like it has been the last few minutes. It was a waste of time, mostly. What Jason does know now is that he wants to destroy the entire city. There are a lot of ways to do that though and that's where he finds himself stuck. But, he can't stick around here. Not when there's no chance of getting a good answer.

"I won't help you destroy the city." Jason holds his stance, firm but calm.

"Well," Crane says with disappointment. "Perhaps you won't." Crane says before there's a pause and then he turns around quickly, throwing a scythe at Jason, still holding onto it by the chain.

Jason dodges just in time, moving quickly away from Crane. Crane follows right after him, swinging his scythe at him and just missing by a few inches. Jason keeps moving away and running, avoiding the blows each time. He does not want his head taken off tonight. That is not the plan. So, he dodges and once he sees the opportunity, he runs out of the Batcave as quickly as he can.

Crane has officially lost it which was only a matter of time before that happened. Jason was hoping they had a little bit more time but, if Crane is losing it, that means he'll be easier to take down. Once Crane starts losing his mind, he gets distracted, starts losing some of the quick thinking he's so proud of. But, Crane has something in place. It's the way he talked about it that tells Jason Crane won't need to do anything else. It's already in motion. So, now he needs to find at least you, Rachel, and Gar and maybe the four of you can figure it out. Maybe you've had some luck with the Lazarus Pit.

Jason hopes you've had luck with the Lazarus Pit.

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#jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood x you #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #dc fanfic #dc fanfiction #petrichor

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kaus-quietis · 2 months

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Greetings, Anon! Thank you for your questions. I have to admit, even in the past, I refrained from posting reactions or speculations as BSD chapters release, but you already knew that, so I will indulge you. I'll answer each part of your ask. BSD ch113 thoughts below, manga spoilers ahead.

♠ "What was your raw reaction?" It was not a calm, quiet one, I can tell you that. No, in fact I screamed with excitement as if I was in a Roman amphitheatre and my favourite gladiator just got back up on his feet, out of sheer force of will, grinning and sweaty. My scream was the fastest way I could "verbalize" the fact that I was overjoyed to see him alive again, even if it's in the 15th century, and on top of that he seemed to be some kind of spy monk all chained up and having what seems to be a ridiculous amount of fun getting caught and discussing with Bram. This is all very in-character for him.

♠ "Was that something you expected?" Absolutely not. Yes, yes, I truly did not expect a jump back in time and this infobomb drop, despite the fact that we did get a few hints that Fedya seemed present at past events when all the other character really appeared younger than him (near the end of S4ep3, where on a rooftop Fedya says "It's not V, it's Five" and I am seriously like bruh I give up what I want to say is I need more data to work with, what am I supposed to do with this, rationally speaking?). However, we can't yet extract anything conclusive from this. Is he ageless? A time-traveler? Immortal? Does he revive? When was he born? Was he born at all or created differently somehow? Is he of BSD's world, or an external one (Beast liveaction finale anyone?)? Is this all within the Book and he's just… idk flipping the pages? Anything is possible and I refuse to spend a lot of time working with incomplete data. This is not very follower-friendly (as in, my blog is basically inactive in-between), I know and I apologize, but if after many chapters there will be something worthwile to add to my essay (with what Fukuchi said in ch113 I already have important stuff to add), under those circumstances I will consider writing an update. It's not yet time.

♠ "<Was that> something you felt different for the characterization we all made for Fyodor?" Hmm, I would hesitate to refer to a characterization "we all made" for him (I wish! T o T), because my analysis and blog are but a tiny tiny part of the fandom (I think…? I wonder about my Fedya essay's reach or influence sometimes). But let's say here we refer to one that comes close to what I tried to show in my essay. In that case, I would say that there is nothing to fear here in this chapter, but it's very understandable to have massive trust issues at this point. We went through a miserable, miserable time when the previous ones made the guy who visually memorized a full deck of used cards somehow not notice Chuuya wearing contacts and fake vampire teeth, despite knowing the vampire race since… well, the 15th century! I cannot even begin to describe what I felt reading ch111.5-112, I was beyond repulsed. Lovers of "villain" characters understand the following thing well: in most media, our fav has to lose, he has to die or disappear at some point, with rare exceptions. I, too, know this well, but that was no compelling way to solve BSD's villain threat. I still don't know how BSD will wash away that narrative stain, as I consider it, but then again one of the reasons we love this manga is that it keeps us on the edge of our seats and the most absurd yet fun turns can happen out of the blue. We can reasonably ask ourselves: ok, what is the purpose of showing Fedya's backstory now? If it's for build-up, we can already start grinning like Cheshire cats. What could possibly be next? I'm cautiously optimistic, things look in-character and good to me. Very good, in fact.

♠ "Or do you think it is later on going add some depth to his character?" Backstories are shown usually for a very clear purpose. We don't know the purpose yet, but if it's done well, then… then my whole essay could be at risk lmao (and I love this sensation). New info could add so much depth to his character, in fact, that his previously observed traits could gain new meanings, or even contradictory ones. Whichever it will be, I think it's pretty safe to bet on "his backstory will be very relevant".

♠ Bonus: even if I enjoy going "full analytical" and enter conference speech mode when asked, I am driven by strong emotions, by which I want to say – I am not immune to assassin/spy monk Fedya chained up like that and having the time of his life again. I missed seeing him entertained like that, and his current …………. visual representation in the.. uh. ..chapter, yeah, well, it's doing things to my Depeche Mode-worshipping heart.

Anyway, to conclude with some facts we know as of now:

a. Fedya and Bram are inside the Bran Castle, close to the Romanian city of Brașov, "deep in the Carpathians" although not built at high altitude itself. It's basically a fortress built between 1377-1388, with several later additions. The BSD representation of it is very accurate to how it looks today. It's near perfect, actually, I applaud.

b. Bram mentions King Matthias, and in this context that can only mean Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary for 1458-1490. The meeting between Fedya and Bram thus happens some year during his reign, when Transylvania was still part of the Kingdom of Hungary. What is still strange to me is that I can't pinpoint Bram's exact position, as in… were his people independent? Or avoided? I feel like I need to re-read past Bram-related chapters to think about this.

c. Nevermind Bram, the things that Fukuchi says, those are the real goldmine here, but the gold is still… encrypted? I mean: Fedya made the DoA plan (more than confirmed now), and because Fukuchi asked for the condition to keep casualties under 500, Fedya respected that and we got entertained for like half of the whole BSD manga: using coin bombs for terror, for economic/political destabilization, using the vampire infection to avoid further violence, these things. The more you think about it, the more insane it gets. Since Fedya agreed to this condition, it means causing (more) deaths and violence were expendable things to him. (But imagine this: Fukuchi said "I want max. 500 deaths" and Fedya said "Yeah I can do that", now if Fukuchi would've said "I want max. 2 deaths" I really believe Fedya would've still said "Yeah I can do that". What can't he do, especially since murder for murder's sake isn't his goal?). This is in perfect harmony with his "necessary deaths only" approach so far, and much much more. There are far more implications in what Fukuchi said, which I won't type out here now. Gotta keep them and build around them for a future analysis update.

This was a rather long read, but still, I hope this satisfies your curiosities, Anon. *bows dramatically & disappears in a borderline insufferable ENTP way*

#Lav answers #I can't believe I wrote so much #yet still I will keep true to my principle of not over-speculating with insufficient data #a proper essay update would be much more valuable than making separate monthly posts even though in this way I can't contribute to the hype #or despair #or both #but fans of patient analysis will profit .. richly from this #someday!#sigh why is it I can talk about Fedya for hours #why can't I..... ugh.......#Iiiiiiii caaaaan't stooooop lovinggg youuuu #OTL................#man I've chosen the best manga character of all time frfr #also as of ch113 my Philosopher!Fedya fanfic is basically.................canon-friendly to the highest degree and I can't believe it #it happens in like the 1440-1450s and I dont even know how to feel about this reveal skjdfng

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daz4i · 3 months

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actually i AM gonna post abt this again. sorry

like when i say they make me feel like i'm in a story. i mean it

we started talking and immediately clicked. talked nonstop for days really

we both had relationships like that years before, but then paused that behavior bc we were young and it wasn't the healthiest, but now we were adults and knew better. it was the first one after that break for both of us

i avoided this behavior for awhile bc i knew it's not the healthiest but it felt so good when it happened. i (rightfully) feared the crash but at the time, the high was so worth it. and everything was going so smoothly too. things kept aligning just right all the time

every time i thought something is gonna come up or that i did something wrong and now it's all gonna blow up, they proved that i had no reason to worry, bc they let it slide immediately, even liked it

we kind of completed each other in every way. liked the same things and had a lot in common, but were opposites in enough things that we weren't TOO similar

i stopped worrying abt annoying them relatively early into the whole thing (usually it takes me months or even years, or i never stop at all. here it was maybe 2-3 weeks)

we became actually close right on their birthday. a small thing but you gotta admit if this was a story it'd be poetic as hell

every time they had a problem and i jokingly said i'm sending a spell their way to fix it, it passed after like 2 minutes. absolutely insane coincidence stuff

i mentioned this before. and this is gonna be embarrassing but. we met through, well, kin stuff lol. they kin chuuya, i kin dazai, we joked abt kindating etc. anyway my mental health was shit but they genuinely uplifted me a lot. they made me want to live for the first time in who knows how long, maybe ever. i think you can tell why i prefaced this story with that fact 🥲 embarrassing but real

and now this shit? 😭 another small thing but like. i make a post abt them bc now is generally around the time we started talking, and someone i follow queued a post from their blog and it posts right now?? they've been decativated for nearly a year HOW did this line up like that 😭

they unfortunately made me believe in the concept of soulmates :/ but as my friends (and mom. bc she saw me cry over the whole thing for days) said. if they cut me off and hurt me like that, they weren't ~the one~

and another thing that made me feel more like i'm in a teen movie is. i legit spent a day and a half in bed crying and barely doing anything else, after they cut me off. truly cliche stuff. actually that's a good way to put it - they made me feel like a cliche. still do when i think abt it a year later. it was a good thing at first, bad when it ended. i could make a movie abt this barely changing any detail and it'll be an average teen romantic comedy (except i'll have to add some happy ending there)

anyway let me finish all that by saying. who the fuck blocks someone on spotify 😭 dude...

(it's been a year and i got burned so badly from this whole thing that i seriously doubt i'll be able to love someone this much again. i need it to be an instant obsession to actually feel good about love, but i'll never be able to confidently go into any new relationship with that purpose because i'm just too scared things will hurt this much again. it's honestly so depressing lol 🥲 but what can ya do)

(i also became the most suicidal i've ever been since lol. probably bc of how big the drop was. it still hasn't gone away. part of why i see no point in life is bc of that previous paragraph. so.)

#vent #but it's me being obsessive and weird probably #(trust me when i say i can be way worse tho! 😎)

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mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa · 1 year

Note

Hi there, I’m a fan of your blog. Thank you for your rationality.

I got sucked down the BTS rabbit hole earlier this year. Originally, it was Taehyung that caught my eye, but I quickly focused on Jung Kook, too. From there, I consumed years of BTS and Taekook content in short order.

Taekook’s interactions give me that “first love” feeling-butterflies and all, especially from their debut through the 2020 Grammy’s. Their chemistry and visuals are off the charts (I know, you know…we all know). Truly, I have never seen or experienced anything else like it. Their duality is mesmerizing and they are both very talented.

Of the things I’ve seen, here are some of the bigger mysteries/things I think about the most:

- The “Am I your friend” comment from JK to TH during the 2018 Summer Package and supposedly TH’s reply, “Do not expose…”

- Something in Taekook’s famous embrace at GDA 2020 doesn’t sit right with me - the look in JK’s eyes when he invited TH to lean back and how they both looked like they had tears in their eyes afterwards - some see it as a declaration, but I don’t know

- Everything about the 2020 MOTS: 7 press junket, which, let’s remember, took place before the first season of In the Soop

- Namjoon saying during their 2022 Dinner Party, “The thing I want to do and the thing I wish continues is that we’ll be together and be sincere when we perform on stage (elsewhere in the dinner they all say they are exhausted) and when we gather and talk like this that we could talk and be happy without thinking about the rules of the world.” It makes me wonder what he means by “without thinking about the rules of the world.”

- The live after their Vegas concert where we see a crack in the veneer and rolling of the eyes when JM pinches JK’s leg - I get the same vibes from their post-Busan live when TH literally has to brush JM off a gaunt looking JK

Look, there are so many I could add to this list. I’m not necessarily looking for a response to these-just sharing the situations that stay stuck in my brain.

In the end, I don’t know either of these young men, but wish them individually and/or together as much happiness as they’ve brought and will continue to bring their worldwide fans.

By the way, I’m not a big user of Tumblr. Is there a way to read your Taekook tags by year versus scrolling?

Thanks!

Hi there,

I'm glad you're enjoying the blog, and of course big ole hole that is BTS and Taekook, lol.

Regarding your mysteries....

- The “Am I your friend” comment from 2018 Summer Package

To me this was simply JK pushing things. You see between 2018 and 2019 I think there was a concerted effort by Taekook to play ball with BH hide them from official content, in previous years they fought against that, I think. But this was in the early part of that process and JK was just clearly pushing back for some reason. We don't know why but clearly BH wasn't bothered by it or else they would have cut it from content.

- The GDA 2020 fan-cam embrace

I think this was obviously pre-planned. Some Taekookers have speculated that this was one of the early starts at changing the narrative of Taekook not being close in the group. They knew this moment would only get picked up by fancams and ARMY in general not the general public. But if a enough buzz occurred it might blow up in the wider KPop sphere.

- 2020 MOTS: 7 press junket

this is clearly an extension of what went on it Winter Package 2020 and Seasons Greetings 2020, where similar shippable moments occurred, and it was all very Taekook Heavy. Again, this was shift in direction and felt pre-planned and concerted in its implementation.

- Namjoon / 2022 Dinner Party, and the “without thinking about the rules of the world.”

I think this is less cryptive than you think. I just think Namjoon was merely talking about enlistment and the rules they have to follow in relation to this.

- The Las Vegas Live and Busan Live

Yeah, there were some odd moments. Again, I don't think this is jealousy, I think it's frustration that they can't be like that together on a live stream, the way JK or Tae is HWSNBN.

Also, you filter my posts by month (and other ways), if you open the archive version of my blog you can filter by month, post type and tag.

#my asks

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doublegoblin · 1 year

Note

Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.

All the love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

P.S. Ignore that I have yet to answer your very sweet return ask after my previous one. I am very appreciative, promise. 🥰

Well howdily doodily. No worries about the yet to answer, you've uh...been a little preoccupied so all good water under the bridge.

I think I'll just kind of do what I did last time and start with an idea and see where the rambling takes me.

Let me first use this as a chance to say thank you to all the people who have given me a follow, reblogged any of my things, liked, or whatever else. It really does mean a lot. I consider myself a very amatuer writer (not in a self-demeaning way) what with my exposure to writing mostly being through required english courses for my degree and roleplaying in the early aughts. So to have people not only see my stuff, but like it, is humbling. I'll keep the melodramatics low and just say once again, thank you.

Rambling right along, I also want to put this out that I may be setting up a side-blog for just my writings/other creative things. I hadn't thought when I first set this account up that I would be doing much outside of posting me things, whoops, so I want to make a place where people don't need to scroll through all of my feed to find anything. Still no idea when or what I'll call it, but uh, keep an eye out?

Related, with it being spring (at least it's suppose to be spring, I think Michigan didn't get the memo and speedran to summer...until we get snow next week that is) I'll be going on walks with my partner more often. With that also comes the joy of bringing out the old camera and snapping photos of whatever nature catches our eyes (mostly birds). So I guess maybe expect to see some of that? Idk, with the season changing and taking the depression along with it I've just been filled with a fresh drive. I'm even working up the courage to dive back into an ooooold passion of mine, something that can go hand in hand with my writing, keep an ear out?

Other than all that I'm making some more progress on my WIPs. Slow as it is. I try not to force myself to write when I'm not feeling it, sometimes that puts me right in the middle of a sentence lol. Working through some writers block and all that jazz, but hey that's what having multiple WIPs and one-offs is for (certainly not for procrastination)!

Speaking of which I'm glad to be diving back into my document style story again. Like I always knew I wanted to add more to that universe, I just didn't know how to approach a new series of events without it feeling the exact same as the one I just wrapped up, but I think I found the voice of this installment. To be frank, I was surprised by just how much fun I did have with the first installment (Cavern Chronology). It kind of breaks away from my usual style of writing; sitting down and letting the story create itself. Hopefully people enjoy this new part, either way I know I'll have a blast writing and re-reading it.

Well I'm starting to run out of "talking about myself" steam. So I'll just leave it all at that. Thanks again for reaching out and providing me with this little platform to, idk, just kind of word barf? Yeah that. I hope things are on an upward trend for you.

Some playfully pretentious words of encouragement: Even the thickest of winter's snow too will melt and nourish spring's new growth.

#writing #writeblr #thanks for the ask #asked and answered #no worries if you don't it's all good #I think I'm getting better at talking about myself lol

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cmyknoise · 1 year

Text

I posted 22,892 times in 2022

That's 3,071 more posts than 2021!

1,571 posts created (7%)

21,321 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ghostly-tart

@chekhxvsgun

@fundylive

@rgbheart

@sajdd

I tagged 2,378 of my posts in 2022

#lemon's stuff - 1,073 posts

#dsmp - 291 posts

#dream smp - 287 posts

#lemon answers - 236 posts

#wilbur soot - 218 posts

#lemon’s stuff - 171 posts

#tommyinnit - 124 posts

#ask - 106 posts

#anonymous - 94 posts

#lemon draws - 91 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

I’m still angry that the bedrock edition, on all ports, has NO subtitles. No closed captioning, nothing. That is an exclusive feature to bedrock.

Especially with the addition of the warden and all the very sound sensitive aspects that came along with the deep dark.

Java players get the ability to see when a warden moves or sniffs or starts to attack. They get the ability to see if they’ve set off a distant sensor. Things that are so vital for this update.

Bedrock players dont have subtitles at all, and somehow this isnt a priority for them to add? Bedrock has been out for ages. Java has had subtitles for ages.

Arguably, with Bedrock platforms being consoles and phones, it’s harder to see or hear things and would need something like subtitles.

But the fact that such a vital accessibility feature is continuously ignored on these ports of the game is absolutely insane, especially with how big of a userbase minecraft has.

Edit: Here’s a link to Minecraft’s feedback posts where users can vote on things that they want looked at or implemented in the game. Please vote here, having basic accessibility is a must. Check the reblogs of this for more info I posted.

2,289 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

"why did you die?"

“I was very sad.”

Singlehandedly probably one of the best things ever from that stream, and that is so much coming from a superb stream.

"Why did you die?" is so reminiscent of a question a child would ask if their parent had died, whether from suicide or other means (in this case, suicide).

It is a question of anger and frustration and pure not understanding. it's the same thing a kid would ask because they don't understand how a person could hurt so much to do that, or how they could leave them.

Fundy was angry and mad because Wilbur left him. he didn't know why he left him, he didn't know or understand why they couldn't do something else, anything else. He didn't know that Wilbur was hurting, he didn't know, and in those moments he didn't care. it's the question from a hurt child.

In that moment, that's what he was. a kid suddenly very alone in the world, knowing that the only person he had just left him, and everyone after would follow suit.

"I was very sad." Is such an... honest answer. It suffices. He doesn't have to say 'i was paranoid, i was depressed, i was tired, i was hopeless'. He said what was true, it weighs just as much as everything else simply because it's a fact not many people knew or picked up on.

Wilbur was honest with his intentions in Pogtopia, but not his feelings. When he was revived, he also made such a point to pretend he hated something just to keep up this sort of image that he never cared and that it hurt him how much he cared. But... that's the point. He was sad, and he was hurt.

Not only is this a punch in the face hearing Wilbur say this, but it's the only real time we've heard him say much of anything about what he felt during Pogtopia (similarly to Tommy and his silence on exile. in my opinion, this felt very similar to 'it was a wiggly time in my life).

But it also fits in line with the previous comparison. It's such a simple explanation that someone may use to explain to someone, like Fundy, who didn't understand why someone would leave them in that way. It's similar to how a family member may explain to a child why their parent is no longer with them.

It's not too detailed or grim, but it's not lying or sugar coating it. It's simple, and true, and an answer that Fundy, all too clearly, understood.

It's even more impactful, gut-wrenching, with the follow up question,

"Why couldn't we walk away? Just you and me?"

2,324 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

tumblr_video

[ Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses plays very loudly in the background ]

Tubbo: OOOH!

Tommy: Here’s what we’re gonna do detective Tubbo!

Tubbo: What’re we gonna do?

Tommy: We’re gonna solve cases! We’re gonna figure out where Shrouds gone. We’re gonna figure out where Dream has gone.

Tubbo: WE’RE GONNA SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS

Tommy: This isn’t just a coping mechanism because of the immense amount of trauma I’ve been through!

Tubbo, speaking over Tommy: This is our true purpose!

Tommy: I’m not massively concerned about the location of Wilbur and Dream and the many things that are completely out of my control!

Tubbo: It’s gonna take months, it’s gonna take days!

Tommy: Days!

Tommy: And I promise you Tubbo! This isn’t just another one of those ploys because I’m sad.

Tubbo: No, we’re not compartmentalizing anything!

Tommy: We’re not compartmentalizing, we’re taking this full force!

2,461 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

not prepared for grown ass adults to bully children and teens for the next few days bc of vidcon panels.

there is no cringe. shut the fuck up this is a fandom panel. dumb questions are fine. cosplayers are fine. as long as they’re not asking invasive questions or being rude they are fine, but even if they do those things they dont deserve to be harassed and called names and shit.

this is going to be the first convention and panel for so many people. they’re going to be nervous, they may not think through the best questions. who the hell cares.

just don’t be an asshole to these people

2,747 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

maybe somewhere, things were different. maybe their promises of running away wouldn’t fall through.

context & bonus under cut!

anyway! enjoy a piece from a runaway au (that i may or may not write, who knows).

essentially, tubbo gets a broken van from wilbur, fixes it up, and without telling anyone he takes ranboo, tommy, and michael with him and they run away. somewhere better. they drive past spawn, stop for a wilburger on the way out, and drive off until roads don’t exist, until its just them, dirt, and the woods. good thing tubbo tricked the hunk of metal out to handle it.

they drive for a long time, stopping to get supplies occasionally, but they don’t stop until they find somewhere nice. somewhere far, safe, hidden. home. they stop once they find home.

anyway here’s the drawing with less dramatic lighting if you want to see the details!

See the full post

3,435 notes - Posted January 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #lemon’s stuff

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the-silver-peahen-residence · 2 days

Text

||An Officer's Corruption part twenty-six||

Hello there dears, Peahen mom here but I'm going to add another part to this mini series. I hope you like it. I couldn't help it so have another one today.

If you wish to see how or where everything is going, you can follow up on the chapters down below.

||Chapters so far||

||Previous Chapters 1-7||((Click here))

((Previous chapters 8-13)) (Click here))

||Previous chapters 14-20)) ((Click here))

Part Twenty one ((NSFW Warning))

Part Twenty two ((NSFW Warning))

Part Twenty three

Part Twenty Four

Part Twenty five

((Your reading part Twenty Six))

||OVA Chapters 1-7|| ((Written by my amazing friend demon mun)) (Click here))

||Warning||

~Violence is seen in this drabble

~Blood is seen on this drabble

~Seduction maybe?

||Drabble Summary||

Seems some of the prisoners have gotten a bit annoyed with how the three officers here in T prison has gotten. Yuji, Kisho, Megumi, along with the Six claws heard some wanted to fight them!? How will the three take care of this Meanwhile, other activity is noticed in the other prisons today too. But lets see what happens shall we?

||Guests in Drabble||

Ira"Kali" Vin-Shia, Ink Vanguard, Kinie Ger, Joshua Star, and anyone else mention belongs to my amazing Rp partner @demon-blood-youths

Oh and the lovely horrors also belong to the side blog @lovelyxhorrors that's also run by Demon mun <3

Ashley Butterfly, Jinx Violet and others mentioned are my OC's and belong to me. Dazai Osamu is from the anime Stray dogs but is also a muse I rp as. Yuji Itadori, Megumi fushiguro, and Yuji Itadori is from Jujutsu Kaisen but is also a muse I rp as.

((Note: Their will be grammar mistakes and errors in this drabble as others have this warning. But like I state before, this is written for fun. So I hope you like it and my friend too. With that, I hope you Enjoy.))

~~~~~In Philly with Ethan and Willow~~~~

Both were quiet while trying to progress what just happened in the meeting. It was shocking to say the least but they didn't want to question what is going on over in New York City. Given their own prison they rule together, it was concerning. True, Aiyana has a police station in her section and Ethan has one in his own.

"Hey Ethan? Should we be worried about what happened in NYC? I mean, hearing that some of those inmates getting out.."

"I know, Willow it's...disturbing to hear but you know how Warden Kinie is. Given her status and what news we seen so far happening over there. We can get it's true." he looks to his desk but sighed, closing his eyes. "Knowing her, she means business..."

"...I guess we'll have to wait and see how this goes won't we? For now, we should be seeing that the officers from our groups are getting the inmates downstairs for lunch. Shall we check on them?" he stood up ready to leave the office but Willow remains there making him stop. "Warden Phoenix?"

"Sorry..just..thinking about something.." she mutters following him while he looks to rest a hand on her shoulder.

"Is something troubling you? Is it the meeting?"

".........It's what Warden Kinie said. About how some inmates can get a second chance. It reminds me of when you helped me during my bad times. I did so many horrible things but.." she mutters remembering but Ethan knew. Years ago when it was just his squad watching over Philly before he and her met. True they had fights, her getting away but it was because of what the evil criminals did to her.

"Now now, come on. You know it was not your fault. Besides, I told you and I know this is true. You don't have to worry about it anymore. Your in a better place and living better. You were confused at the time so don't worry.." he said now holding her hand. She blinks to look then at him only to gently kiss his cheek. "??"

"T..thank you." she mutters but Ethan said nothing to smile while holding her hand.

"Now come on, we have to check on our officers and the inmates." he said as both leave the office together. Time to get to work.

~~~~~~~Meanwhile with Joshua~~~~~~~~

The inmates still remain where they were but as Hellmare and Maggie saw, none tried to get out or argued. When being under Ashley's control it was not too hard. They listen and obeyed while being here. Even new inmates that showed up this early morning was under her entranced spell.

"You know? I don't know how she does this. It's like their zombies but good ones." Maggie saw so many just being quiet or if some was not under her power they were scared not wanting to be.

"Remember Maggie, they are scared of her and her team. Given the notes we read, she is pretty dangerous. But she seems so nervous for one." she mutters thinking about it while drinking some fresh hot tea in a coffee cup. Maggie grumbles eating something but looking at the inmate she was keeping a eye on. What was his name, T-bone? Yeah, he was down there eating his food but heard Hiroshi telling him to not be so down about things. Hellmare was seeing her inmate Hiroshi eating his food but they were both behaving.

"Though..both seem to be good even without being under her control. Still weird." she grumbles eating another bite of her beagle while noticing something. "Oh, did you hear from Joshua and see if he was alright?" she asked Hellmare.

"I heard he's resting right now after checking up with Ashley. She's still in her cell. Seems she was not hungry right now. Though, I guess it could be due to him feeding her." Hellmare hums at the thought but seeing everyone eating. Even if that was true, Ashley was indeed still in her cell but she had the blanket around her while resting against the wall. Her eyes glowing in the dark from where she was.

She did eat again from Joshua but in private, knowing she wouldn't if others were watching. Though, it's only due to their pack he made with her.

~~~~Flashback to the first day she arrived with her team~~~~

"You wish to do...w...what?" she blinks looking to Joshua who was told of what she was. A demon but a succubus who had power of Inferna-Chlorokinesis/demonic plant manipulation. That and being able to help with medicine due to the plants she makes.

"Y..Yes, you heard me. I wish to ask that you make a pack with me. A deal." Joshua was quiet and yet Ashley said nothing nervous to look at him.

"B..but w..why make a p..pack with me? What do you w..want?" she was unsure what to think about this but it worried her.

"I don't want anything from you..but your help." he said that confused her more. He wanted her to help with the prison?

"I..I don't understand. Why are you a...asking an inmate for this?"

"..I know you're the baby sister to the inmate Rex oxford mills that's in Warden Kinie Ger's prison. But I also know your just as dangerous. I read you are an dangerous demon but also a...a succubus. I read your information and I..I can't let you try to eat anyone while being in my prison. The inmates might end up trying to make things worse here and most of them have already caused problems or destroying the areas here. So I'm asking you to at least hear me out." he said.

"..........."

"I wish to make a deal that you can...uhhh help me. I promise I won't do anything if your worried. Same with your team." he said.

"......." She looks down at her lap still confused but Joshua saw her still curled up shaking now. She didn't have the blanket but he was worried.

"Hey are you...okay?"

"I..I'm fine.....Just......hungry." she mutters.

"..You didn't eat anything?" he asked but as he tries to go and check on her. He saw her move back a little nervous. He didn't want to scare her only thinks. "Hey, I w..won't hurt you. I'm sorry if I scared you." he said to her.

"....Y..You didn't..." she mutters but didn't look at him. Joshua saw she really was scared but how could someone like her be dangerous too. She looked so innocent.

"...S..so this deal. W..what is it?" she asked but Joshua sits in a chair in front of her cell bed but made sure not to scare her or get too close unless asked.

"My deal is t..this: You can help me with keeping the inmates here calm. I read your able to get the most d..dangerous people under your herem and control. You can keep t..them calm without causing fighting or anything. S..so here is my deal: You help me with keeping them calm and keep them from fighting and..m...maybe help with your medicine. You seem to know what your doing with the plants you grow."

"........"

"So if you do that...I can hear what you want in return?" he said but this got Ashley to think a little while looking down at her lap. He seriously would do this for her? Given some thought, she only looks more nervous.

"..Ashley?"

"H..How do I know your not going to t..trick me to do what you w..want?" she asked that Joshua blinks but looked worried.

"I won't..I'm not that type of Warden. I wanna keep peace in my prison even after the last few riots, fights, and other destructive things happened. I just want it to be kept under control. If your able to help me, I promise I'll give you something in return."

".....A...anything in return?" she said seeing him nod. Now she was thinking to look down. "W...would be alright if I can get a n..new blanket? A warm soft one since It helps me sleep?" she said.

"Okay, I can do that. Anything else?"

"C..can I also......have something else that will help with my cravings? You know what I am so.....so...can't I have at least one prison to feed off from?"

"........I can't give you that request, miss Butterfly. I did say I don't want any of the prisoners trying to cause something else." he said seeing Ashley looking down. "But.....maybe I can still give you someone."

"...Y..You can? W..who?" she said only for Joshua to look at her.

"I'll let you feed off from me."

"!?" Wait, him!? He was going to offer himself? "Y..You? Your willing t..to do that?"

"Yes.....If you keep your word, I'll feed you whatever you need. I know you need more than human food at times so......so I'll offer myself to feed you. Is that alright?" he saw her shocked but no one would willingly do that. Knowing her power and hunger it was shocking to hear this. Looking at him, she only sees him look at her but she looks back.

"......So...d...do we have a deal?" he asked holding his hand to her gently but Ashley looks only to slowly reach out a hand to rest it on him.

"..W...we have a d..deal.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was a while back when he made that deal but as promised she kept her word. Keeping the inmates calm and since then no more fights has happened. But as promised, he would let her feed off of him but she did give him some herb teas using her demonic plants to help with his energy and give back what she took.

Looking quiet, she did get fed from him this morning but it was a lot more sweeter today. This made her lightly blush touching her lips to curl up hugging herself in the blanket he had made for her.

".........."

~~~~~Back at Prison T~~~~~~

"What the fuck do you say!?" The inmate that challenged the three ladies only got back talked by Kali who was really annoyed now. A few of the inmates were knocked out after being punched by Jinx and Ink since some tried to start a fight. And after Kali giving a sucker punch to one when he tried to grope her.

"Look, we told you a thousand times we are not going through with your stupid fighting challenge. Can't you idiots behave for once in prison!?" Kali was not in the mood for this right now seeing the leader's eye twitching annoyed.

"She's got a point though. Fighting isn't allowed on the prison yard. How about just doing some fun activities instead huh?" Jinx smiled at him.

"Yeah! I agree!" Ink smiled.

"Seriously? -_-"

"Yep!"

"You two.." Kali warns only for the inmate leader to growl thinking these women were making fun of him! He was one of the dangerous and toughest inmates here! If anything, these three women should be praising him!

Of course the Six claws saw this and seeing how this leader was speaking to her didn't sit right with them. In fact, they looked coldly at the leader wondering what the bastard will do. Even Denji was growling wanting to cut him up but Midoiriya held the other claws back.

Megumi was seeing this but saw Yuji now looking cold seeing this ape speaking to Violent like that. He crushes the can in his hand making Kisho tense.

"Easy Yuji..." Megumi warns but he was seeing him trying to calm down.

"Tch, You three are nothing you know that! Just because you proved a point here in the prison don't mean shit! What I see you three as are sluts for me! I should be the one making you three praise me for being the best in MY prison!" he laughed.

"Huh? But you don't own this prison. Warden Kinie ger does-"

"WHO CARES ABOUT THAT BITCH!! The only reason things get crazy is due to how many wild inmates come here! Don't you know that!" he said now looking to Ink but he saw her confused only to smile.

"Though, Maybe I can forgive you and your two friends if your willing to help us out with something?" he asked even daring to touch Ink's cheek. She blinks feeling him cup her cheek. This got the Six claws more angry but Midoiriya keeps them down.

"Midoriya.." Rin warns.

"...Easy now....they can handle this. You saw how they fight.....this is just going to be a show....." he said in a quiet tone but his green eyes were shooting daggers at this giant brute. How dare he touch her but he knew Yuji was even more angry now.

"Do..what do you three say? Wanna rule by my side or maybe you can help me with some personal service?" he said.

"Uhhhhhh Not really. You really don't seem like my type and you can't get girls like that. Woman don't like doo doo heads like you when it comes to trying to hit on them like that. You make it sound like it's a bad thing." Ink said as the inmate tense hearing that.

"W..what!?"

A few snorts hearing that trying not to laugh as Kali sighed and Jinx giggled. He saw his group snickering but he growls at them. "Shut it you idiots!" he said seeing them hush up. "Look here you fucking whore, I will not be insulted like that so you better say sorry to me for that!"

"Yeah, she's not going to do that. Now I suggest you back off and leave her alone. Your starting to get annoying now. Or else you'll regret it." Kali said now annoyed but saw more of the inmates surrounding the three.

"Oh? And what are you three going to do? Huh?! Your just three women.....you should be under me and begging for me to make you my women! My bitches! Or better! My bed sluts! You should know better than to talk back to me!" he said.

Wait did this asshole calm them sluts!? Yuji did not like anyone insulting what was his like that. Even Denji was furious with this asshole saying that. Another didn't like that either in his cell but thanks to a little imp he heard and saw this.

"Tch, you bitches should know better. All women love to have a strong guy like me to fuck em and make them mine! So you should learn your place!" about to backhand Kali but as he tried, a hand stops him as he looks.

The cap Kali had on covered the upper part of her face but a angry glare was seen as she stopped his hand. He felt her grip his wrists while seeing her looking very pissed off. Her grip was deadly strong that he winces to be brought down to his knees like she was going to break it. What the hell!?

"Clearly you don't know shit do you? This is not a fighting ground and you should learn some respect when it comes to speaking to me and the other two officers. Unless you want me to take this hand I can by cutting it off I will..I tend to hold a pretty violent temper.." she snarled as his inmates backed up scared seeing this.

Seems he didn't know who stopped the fight that day due to being in detention. He had no idea what these three women were like. Dangerous. Deadly. And ready to strike if possible.

"D..damn you..b..bitches! Guys, do something!" he said as the inmates looks seeing Kali glare at them as a warning. Right away, a few tried to stop and get Kali to let go of him but they got kicked back hard right through the wall. Others tried to jump them but Jinx kicks and punched a few back hard.

Ink kicks some back right through the building. Others were watching in a nervous expression or some being scared. Just what was going on?!? These women were not normal!

"O.O;" The inmates slowly turns to look back seeing Officer Vanguard and Officer Violet were the ones that kicked the two but their expression were dark as their eyes were dulled scaring them.

"!?!" they sweatdrop scared seeing this. It was like a giant dragon was growling at them and a dangerous growling panther was ready to pounce. Tear them limb from limb.

Yeah, they backed up seeing this and some even wet themselves. When Kali saw the last one knocked out, she looks to the inmates.

"Now..does anyone else wish to start a fucking fight right now!? Or wanna end up like those idiots!" Kali shouted seeing the inmates now scared backing up. These three were insane!!!!

Jinx and Ink sighed but lowers their legs before looking seeing Kali look at him.

"Let me go! You made you stupid point you bitch! Just let me go!"

"Oh no, your going to be punished for this! Take this baboon inside to the isolation cell." she said seeing two officers taking him inside while the others that was his gang went off or was taken in as punishment too. The six claws and Yuji with his friends were silent seeing this. Yeah, those three were dangerous just like Kinie said.

At that same time...

"What the fuck is going on!?" The three women blinks hearing Kinie ger's voice. She just showed up but looks. "What happened!?"

"Nothing much, just one of the inmates causing a rucus!" Ink said smiling.

".......Ughhhh......you know what? Nevermind. Just...just try to keep it calm please. As for you inamtes, you have a few more minutes before heading back inside for the day!" she said seeing the inmates quiet as Kinie walks back inside.

"I wonder if she's alright. She looked upset about something." Jinx said.

"I'm sure she's alright I hope! Anyway, you guys heard that! Just a few more minutes!" Ink cheers happily with Kali facepalming shaking her head. What is with her happy attitude!? Near by, a imp was seeing this to know Rex saw.

He didn't like the fact someone tired to hit or touch Kali but he smirked knowing she can take care of herself. Even with someone so beautiful can be just as dangerous. He loved that in a woman but it tells he really wanted her to be his now. For now, seems he can't wait till their next meet up.

~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile in Northen State Penitentiary~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright everyone, time for lunch! Come out in a orderly fashion and don't try anything." Charley shouted seeing some of the inmates now leaving the cells and going about to eating some food. She along with Jason was seeing everyone in the female ward eating now. He sees Wong. Shea. Pratt. and Flowers eating quietly with the other female inmates. However, he was told that Inmate Akutagawa was still in her own cell as punishment for now. He was told she would get food as well but away from the others to stop any fights from happening.

".........."

"Do you think these maggots are going to behave this time?" Charlie asked Jason who sighed seeing the other officers holding batons in their hands.

"Don't know. Honestly, these women are pretty dangerous but could also start something resulting in another fight. Remember last year?" he said hearing Charlie sigh. Oh right, the blood accident that had some inmates killed. That was not fun to clean up.

"Don't remind me. Second, how was Akutagawa? Did you check on her?" she asked.

"I did..Still in her isolated cell but she should be eating though." He said.

"Hmmm..."

"I will be sure to check on her when I can."

~~~In Area E~~~~

"So that's what's up huh? Hmmm, I felt like more of these inmates were not as busy but hey, you guys know better right?" Matt smiled seeing one inmate knocked out with a broken bloody nose. He tried to start a riot in his area but Matt stopped it. They knew better than to start shit here. Even without sufferer the consequences. He sighed and drops the inmate when two guards goes to pick him up and drag him away leaving a blood trail from his broken nose.

"Anyone have anything to say?" he said seeing the inmates quickly looking back at their lunches eating like good boys. "Thought so." he laughed.

"Hmmm I wonder if Akutagawa ate something or did anyone bring him his food? Might have to check and see later." he said keeping guard.

~~~~IN area A~~~~~~

Willie was standing guard but he already had to stop two idiots from trying to start a fight. And two more from flirting with Officer Shrika. He hated these pigs but they wouldn't be any better. It's something that happens from time to time in this prison but being her trusted officer and partner, he would do anything to insure things ran smoothly. Right now, she was doing roll call to insure the inmates were here before giving lunch.

True, most of them were making eye gesters seeing how hot Shrika was only to get scared seeing Willie showing a murder expression to them. They stopped as she was done. "Alright, that's everyone. You boys can enjoy your lunch. Just behave yourselves now." she said holding the clipboard.

They said nothing going to do that with her sighing smiling. "Such obedient boys don't you agree Officer Watts?" she said.

"Indeed they are miss. Though..they seem to be more like horny dogs than anything." he grumbled angry but Shrika looks to smile, petting his shoulder.

"Now now, I know but they know better. Besides, it's nothing new. If they know what's good for them and I know they will behave..if not...that just makes it more fun to punish them later." she smiled but turns to keep a eye on the inmates with Willie beside her.

~~~~~~In area F~~~~~~~~

Sid was checking up some notes on the new inmates right now but she was seeing that most were eating lunch. Even Chuya who was still in his own cell right now. She was told the three that started something were kept away from the others till being released later on this afternoon. Or till they cool their heads. She already heard Inmate Chuya was shouting and cusing wanting to get out but knowing him he just caused more issues to happen. She shook her head knowing this was going to be something for her.

Even with Warden Osamu giggling like a school girl for the new adventures that will happen with the new inmates. What fun! Knowing this, a sweatdrop shows on the side of Sid's head feeling this was going to be something.

~~~~Meanwhile with Fin's prison~~~~~~

He was lost in his thoughts wondering what Kinie was thinking. Releasing those fallen maidens seems like a bad idea. Given they were dangerous just like Rex he was unsure on how to feel about this. The only one that can control those women were Rex and he's still in his own prison.

What would he even do? What could he do? Thinking about it, he might have to work on some plan or maybe speak to her. No, that would be risky but judging on how Winter was, she was the second in command so...maybe he can talk to her.

Standing up, he goes to leave the office to see her. Ahemd said nothing but wonders what was wrong. "Fin-"

"I need to speak to her. Ahemd, you do the same for Summer."

"Hmm? Why? Do you have a plan?"

"In a way...I'll speak to Winter first but I need to be sure she won't try to get out of here." he said but Ahemd sees him leave that the other remains quiet. What was his plan. Fin walks through the prison halls wondering what he will do but in the meantime the walk wasn't long.

He got to the prison cells again only to see that it still was quiet. He takes a slow breath but looks seeing her again. Winter was stretching while running her fingers through her hair. She only looked relaxed then Fin steps in signaling he was here. She didn't turn around only to lower her arms.

"Well, well, well.....seems I got a visitor.." she slowly turns around to look at him but he sees her eyes glowing within her cell to look at him through the cell.

".......Don't start with me Winter..." he warns only for her to giggle leaning against the cell bar doors to look at him. She was wearing a shirt with the prison pants but she only looks having some of her hair covering one eye to smile.

"Awwwww you don't wanna have fun with me today Warden? That's not nice. I was wondering when you would be back to play with me. Or did our last game scare you off..." she purred only for him to glare at her.

"Stop that! I...*sighs* Look, I came to talk........"

"Talk? Talk about what hmm? Did you miss me that much?" she asked reaching to rest one hand on his chest but he grabs her wrist to stop her.

"Just fucking listen to me. Stop with the flirting.."

"Who says I was flirting?" she teased to look up at him since she was on her knees to smile. "You seem a bit tense though Warden. Did you want me to keep you company?" she said to slowly lower her hand that he then grabs her other wrist to look down at her.

"Enough Already!" he said.

".........."

"Just.....I know you are a crazy minded female but whatever your trying to pull. I won't fall for it!" he said but she only smiled to look at him before she leans in to look at him. Their eyes meeting again.

"You say the meanest things warden Reer...I did say I would behave you just don't trust me. I can be a good girl...for a strong scary lycan like you. I say that..didn't I?" she said seeing him quiet.

"....."

"Besides, if you say that about me.." Suddenly, she leans in closer that their lips almost touched like she was going to kiss him again. "Then why visit me? You either want to talk to me.........or you want something else hmm?" she licked his bottom lip that he tenses to let her go but she was quick to pull him in close then suddenly kiss him on the lips. His eyes widen from the feeling once more of her soft lips as he feels her making out with Fin. He was trying to push her off but she had a good grip of his uniform while feeling her slip her tongue past his lips deepening the kiss.

In a moment, he breaks it to move back panting heavily while covering his lips but Winter only smiled to slowly lick her lips giggling. "D..damn it!"

"...Tasty. You really are fun to tease.." she said. "I can imagine my friend Summer having fun teasing your other officer too." she winks but looks to Fin. "But..if you want another one I could give you more..if you let me out~" she sings but Fin growls.

"ENOUGH ALREADY! Just stop it alright!" he said.

"Heh..you want me to stop.." she said but looks to him to smile. "Then make me."

Fin said nothing to close his hand in a fist then turn to leave the area. Winter sees him go again but she smiled. AT least she gave him a present to remember her by. For him, he was blushing red but trying to think.

'Damn it, I need to do something or she'll end up corrupting me. I can't be tempted! I won't!' he said walking off. In that time, Officer Jackal noticed him coming.

"Uhhh Hey Fin, good to-" He tries to talk but saw him walk by him and Officer Brooks who blinks worried.

"Fin?"

"Sorry Jaron I'm..I'm a bit busy but I'll talk to ya later!" he said waving a hand as he leaves but this confused Melinda and Jaron.

"...I wonder what that was about." she said worried.

"I Don't know..I hope he's alright though." he said seeing him leave. However, the two didn't know this with other inmates looking at them again as the other officers. They just go about keeping guard for now. As Fin gets to his office, he goes to cover his face with his hands trying to calm down. Damn her, she got another kiss again! Trying to calm his mind, he only looks to glare at his hands.

What was she trying to gain here? For now he'll just have to hope Ahemd won't fall for Summer's seduction. Or the other two who had her teammates.

#IC #silver roses #Drabble/short or long stories #silver butterfly mun #peahen mom #the mansion owner #A Officer's corruption part twenty six #the fractions of NYC #older Kinie ger #older fin #older Ink #older Joshua #older Kali #older Jinx #Dazai Osamu #older ashley #demon-blood-youths #peahen writer #officer demons au

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whisperingintoavoid · 1 month

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Blog 3-19-2024

I have started a new blog. Again.

The main purpose of this blog will be to actually blog. Like, how people used to blog back when the Internet was still a baby. I'm just going to write about my life. What's going on with me and stuff.

And the thing is, I know no one cares and I don't expect this blog to see any action. I just kind of miss when people used to do stuff like this. Just talking about what's happening to them. In a real, genuine way. I hope that doesn't sound preachy.

But really, everything is so... fake now? Whenever people vlog on YouTube or TikTok or anything, it feels so manufactured. Like it was created with an audience in mind. It's trying to capture your attention and entertain you. It wants you to like and subscribe and follow and comment and give them money. And it's not that I don't like money. In fact, I wish I had a lot more of it. But I wanted to create something real, I think.

I'm tired of the over the top personalities and over-editing and people making their lives look perfect on a screen. It feels so unrealistic and the weirdest part is that we tend to fall for it.

So here's a blog specifically for blogging.

I blogged a little bit on my main blog, but I reblog a shit ton of stuff about my interests on there to the point where I couldn't even find the last blog/diary entry I posted. And that's the other half of the reason why I started this one.

ANYWAY, I think I should just jump to where I start talking about myself.

So first of all! My previous partner and I broke up in early November last year. Which was kind of crazy because we were together for 3 and a half years. We were engaged. Shit was bananas.

It was kind of a quiet break up, though. Like, no fighting really. Leading up to it, I mean. It was mutual, too. Neither of us were really happy anymore. In fact, I don't think either of us were happy for a pretty long time.

And looking back on our relationship, I feel like it should've been more clear to me that we shouldn't have been together. Not romantically, at least. And it's insane to think about how much I pined over this person, how much I cried over them, how I wanted them so badly it burned like a nebula through my chest. But by the end of our relationship, I had to convince myself I still loved them in a romantic way. And I think that says a lot about who I used to be and maybe even who I still am.

When I met my previous partner, (I think I will refer to them as Ripley), it was online through a dating app. And they had a partner at the time. They and their partner were supposed to be poly, but... well, you've heard the stereotypes, I'm sure. Their partner was allowed to date other people and sleep with other people and basically do whatever they wanted. But Ripley kind of just had to do whatever their then-partner wanted. They were barely ever allowed to see me and their partner was extremely jealous.

In fact, they accused me of copying them because we both have a tattoo of a tooth? I gave myself my tooth tattoo years before I even knew this person existed, let alone that they also had a tooth tattoo. Shit was bonkers.

Anyway, things escalated and eventually Ripley wasn't allowed to be my friend or even talk to me anymore. And at this point I thought I was in love with them. Which, looking back was actually kind of crazy because I had barely spent all that much time with them or even really gotten to know them on a personal level very well. But I was so smitten with them and wanted to be with them so badly.

For the sake of brevity, I'll cut out how we ended up together, but maybe I'll write a different post explaining it at some point. Just to add context and extend the lore. Even though I'm probably going to be the only person who interacts with this blog. So I guess I'm just cataloging my whole life? I don't know.

ANYWAY, in retrospect, I really didn't know shit about Ripley when we started dating. I didn't know how bad of a temper they had. I didn't know how much they didn't like cuddling. I didn't realize that they were a bad kisser. I didn't know how averse they were to touch and that apparently it's one of my main love languages. I didn't realize how much they didn't listen, how much we didn't have in common, how much we barely had any real conversations.

And by the end of our relationship, I honestly still didn't realize some of those things. I didn't realize that I just genuinely wasn't attracted to them anymore. If anything, I was turned off by them. Their temper, their reluctance to touch, the way they always assumed everything was about them.

I wasn't happy being with them anymore. I wasn't UNhappy necessarily. We didn't fight all that often. We almost never shouted at one another in all our years together. We never put our hands on each other in a violent way.

But it was so unfulfilling. It felt more like we were roommates than anything else. I'd go as far as to say that we didn't even feel that much like friends. It was like we were both just going along with the motions because that was what we were meant to do. I didn't kiss them before they left for work because I loved them and hated to see them go and needed to see them off because I'd miss them while they were gone. I kissed them before they left for work because that's what we did every morning. I didn't hold their hand when we were at the store together because I wanted everyone to see that we were together and in love and because I wanted to be touching them. I held their hand at the store because that's what we always did.

We never cuddled at night. In fact, we both had our own blankets. They hated when I touched their face because my hands are usually a little sweaty. They hated me touching their hair because I'd mess it up. They'd get annoyed if I asked them to get me something from the kitchen. They had such bad road rage that I now have anxiety whenever I'm in the car with someone and we get a red light.

And yet I stayed for so long. It felt like... "Well, we've been together for so long... may as well stay together". It felt like breaking up would be failing. Like losing. I wanted to be that person that finds their soulmate at a young age. I wanted it to be impressive how long we'd been together. I wanted to feel official. Grown-up maybe. I'm still only 23, it's not like I'm old. Being with someone since you were 23 is still impressive if you make it to like, 40-50. But I guess I wanted to say that I found my husband when I was 19. There's just something about that. High school sweethearts. Something romantic. I don't even really know what it is. Maybe just knowing so young. Not having had anyone else. Not that Ripley was my first partner. But still...

There was also some sort of pressure. I think just about all your friends knowing you've been together for so long. Like, that your names go next to each other in sentences and you've been a package deal for so long, like it's just a canonical fact of the universe that you two are written together. Into every scene.

And then one day... you're just not. It feels like shattering an illusion. Like telling a kid that Santa isn't real or explaining a magic trick to someone. It's not real, at least not anymore. It's changed. It's not what it was. It's like hearing peanut butter and jelly broke up. Or milk and cookies. Or the moon and the stars. "But those things just go together."

"Not anymore."

Looking back now, it's weird seeing my face next to theirs. It feels like I'm looking at a mouse and a snake who are best friends. Or seeing a bird underwater. Seeing a dog lick itself like a cat. Seeing a cat playing fetch.

But then there are other times where I look at those pictures of us and it feels like seeing a picture of yourself and your childhood best friend before you moved away and never spoke to each other again. Or a home video of your child-self playing with a relative you can only vaguely remember, if at all. But they're good half-memories and you wish you could recall more about them. Their smile, what made them laugh, how they walked, how their arms felt around you.

I don't know, man, my gummy just kicked in.

I don't really know where I was going with all that. What is bro yapping about?

I think the main thing is that my fiance and I broke up after 3 and a half years together last November. And sometimes it still feels a little weird. Lesser and lesser, though.

I'm not sad. I don't want that to go unsaid. I don't miss our relationship. Not one bit. In fact, I don't think you could pay me to date them again. I'm glad we broke up. I think we should've done it sooner, actually.

When I talk about it feeling weird, I'm more so talking about how strange it feels to not have a person there who used to be there all the time. Like when you move something off an old shelf and there's a circle of dust around where it used to be. And everything else on the shelf is perfectly in place and untouched except for that one empty, perfect circle. Like your brain can feel the empty spot where they used to be.

There are a lot of other things about breaking up, though. Like having to tell your parents. Your parents, who you know don't really like your partner in the first place. And having to tell your friends who you know are going to roll your eyes because this is the fourth fucking time you're breaking up and you have to be like "No, for real this time." Having to decide who gets what.

But really, I think the thing that scared me the most about breaking up was the fear of being alone.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was really dependent on Ripley. I didn't work much, I didn't drive, I didn't have a car, I'd never had to pay my own bills. In a lot of ways, I relied on them. And I was scared of not having that. I was scared of being alone, even outside of my needs. I was scared of having an empty space next to me. I felt like one half of a pair, like a Barbie doll whose Ken was taken out of the package.

I have a boyfriend now. Actually, I started seeing him, like, a week after my ex and I broke up. And I know how that sounds, especially after that last paragraph. But when I say I hadn't intended on dating anyone for a long while, I mean it.

In fact, I was kind of excited to be single again. I was ready to have my single era and just flirt with whomever I wanted and maybe sleep around a bit. I didn't want to be locked down so quickly again.

But meeting my boyfriend, I didn't want that anymore. I didn't care about being locked down because I didn't care to go anywhere else anyway.

I think my next blog post will be about him and how we met and ended up dating. This specific post honestly was supposed to be a general life update, but I guess I had more I wanted to get off my chest about breaking up than I realized. I feel, even now, like there's more I want to say but can't think of how to verbalize it. I'm now good and properly high.

TL;DR, breaking up with someone after 3 1/2 years together feels weird and can be a little scary. Also I'm high.

~*Theo*~

#blog #online diary #diary entry #march 2024

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batteredwarriorstillstanding · 8 months

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Interestingly enough, I did not discover Tumblr when, while chasing after my decades long crush, she made a clever, quick, u turn, and cut back, sprinted through previously unmapped social media content....the "previous unmapping" causing me to hopelessly lose her as I attempted to follow, look for clues concerning her whereabouts, WHILE IGNORING THE RACY CONTENT certain to slow me down hopelessly. Or....not so much. A few hours later, I was plodding slowly through the blog #Theanalintruder and hopelessly behind my beloved....although I was pretty sure I saw her in some pictures the previous night.....this makes a ton of sense, but is nowhere near correct.

I was able to ignore the first few emails. They detailed the antics of a group of heroin addicts in arizona (yep. Guilty as charged. There were 6 of us detailed in this particular bit of true/fiction, all OBVIOUSLY based on real people (interesting note: except for me, every other person the author turned into a character has either sobered up: 3, or died, 2 since 2014, when these stories were set. We ranged in age from early 20s to mid 30s. The emails kept coming. After a few, I began to see that, yes, in fact, the author was writing about our little H Coven and was, quite likely, one of us. I could not tell who, though. It was quite well written, and he or she gave no hint as to who she (another revelation...it, for sure, was not a dude...not even a gay dude) favored. She was remarkably neutral in her narration. ...until the 5th or 6th installment of the untitled tales of young junkies. The character that mirrored me often kept "lulls" in certain episodes from being too boring when he and a-ahem-STILL unnamed friend would get into arguments, which turned to insult matches, but, thankfully, whoever wrote this either was not privy to where these "disagreements" or "debates" tended to end up in reality, or just wanted to keep those areas of the blog from revealing what incredible assholes both of us were...almost certainly the 2nd option. No doubt, in fact. No portion of the blog that I ever read came close to revealing just how mean and intentionally hurtful to one another we both became. It's too long of a story to even summarize here, but I will say that though we both bore plenty of fault, I have to claim a bit more. First of all, I was the oldest junkie in the group (I think. Yeah...pretty sure) she was one of the youngest, 12 years my junior. There were plenty of altercations I coukd have ended...or prevented from exploding, as they did. Some times, I wanted a serious screaming match because I had plenty of mean shit to say to her and felt she deserved to have her feelings hurt. As I said. I was awful.. The strange (but not all that bad, truthfully...it was pretty well written) blog actually seemed to intentionally avoid sides in anything and focused content on shit I was pretty certain never happened, and other shit that did, but much earlier or later, than it claimed. Whenever half a dozen junkies plus add-ons have to struggle for money to pay life expenses, plus an extra $100 EASILY for heroin and other drugs, but none are employed....and learn to interact with one another, convince their out of state families of their sobriety etc etc etc there is gonna be plenty of material for anyone who wants to log it in a blog or journal (why anyone would choose that particular subject in front of all others is anither question, but...anywaaayy....moving right along...while the blogger displayed some talent, the first few installments were fairly bland and boring. I remember thinking that I would tell ghostbligger to focus on the more interesting shit (which I knew was present) and, to my absolute horror, she did exactly that in part 6.

Backing up a bit......beginning in about 2012, I developed an interest in a beautiful young woman I met at 12 step meetings (wait a minute!!!! Every whining ass mutual will shout via IM, I thought you were the guy who was beholden to the chick you barely knew for two and a half decades cuz blah, blah, a real connection and yabidah yabidah you will always love her!!! You're playing your tonsils, kid." Okay. Fist off...I had some minor flings and crushes during the 20 period I'm question. The vast majority of them (like every single one almost) occured between 2011 and 2016. During this stretch I was convinced, for reasons of my own, that under no circumstances would the long envisioned coupling with her ever happen, and I felt a tinge of desperation to replace her....I thought this would be tantamount to supplanting her in my thought hierarchy with someone else. Which, at the time, I very much needed to do. That should have been the first clue that I needed to consider this goal a bit more carefully and perhaps lend a great deal of respect to a source I did not feel like giving any at the time....my feelings for her. So, anyway...I initially met this girl when she was classified by me as a target of sorts. I was into her.

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netflixandmedschool · 3 years

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You seem awesome! It’s also amazing to see any WOC becoming a doctor so that other WOC get doctors that actually pay attention to their symptoms.

Omg thank you! That’s so sweet. And yes, I totally agree that we NEED woc doctors for other woc for this reason! (And also for non-woc people to also believe in their symptoms but that’s a whole other can of worms)

#mine #replies #science #thanks so much for your message I’ve literally been following you forever #I followed you on my previous blog too so that’s how I knew to add you

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jasntodds · 11 months

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Petrichor [1]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 9,133

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, talks of drug addiction

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

A/N: It’s finally here!! I promise this book will be more fun than previous one and it stays mostly canon besides a few things, so have fun lol I really hope you guys like this!! If you want context from book 1, let me know and I’ll tell you!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Being back in Gotham is almost surreal. When you were uprooted over a year ago, you weren’t sure if you’d ever make it back. Hell, you didn’t think you’d ever make it out of that basement, let alone back home. But, here you are. You’re back in Gotham and there’s a weight that is lifted from your shoulders.

You knew you missed it but you didn’t realize how much until now, standing outside of Wayne Manor. This isn’t even your home, the Manor, but it is a staple in Gotham. You thought maybe you would miss San Francisco and want to go back after a week or so, but right now, you’re positive that won’t be the case. This is home.

And then there’s Jason who’s standing confidently with a content smile pulling at his face. You have Jason here. You swears you’re happier around him, no matter where you are. He makes the world better, your world. You’ve only known each other a few months now but it feels like you’ve been friends your entire lives and you wouldn’t trade him for anything. You are so happy to be here with him.

“Want the tour?” Jason asks, carrying your bag for you and he’s got this sly grin, the one you’ve missed more than you thought possible.

“Of Wayne Manor, hell yeah, lead the way.” Your smile is so bright and Jason missed you, too.

This is his home. A part of him still isn’t exactly used to it. He’s not sure if he ever will be entirely, it’s not exactly him but it’s his home. And he’s welcoming you right into it because, despite his inhabitations and the paranoia that leaks into the brightest parts of his mind, he knows he can trust you with his home. With those parts of himself and he is just so happy to have you here with him. Just him.

Jason gestures an arm out forward, ushering you forward and the two of you walk inside. Jason leads you to your room first to set your bag down. He opens the door for you and allows you inside while he leans against the doorframe, sticking his hands in his front pockets. You walk in, looking around and taking the room in. He’s missed you.

It’s only been a month but it’s felt like the longest month of his life. Jason knew he missed you, that was undeniable. But, he didn’t realize just how much until he picked you up from Titans Tower. He saw you and the smile that split his face was uncontrollable. He remembers that day he left with Rose, how you wanted to convince him to stay but you didn’t because you didn’t want to be selfish. He gets it now because he wanted to ask you if you’d come back with him sooner, when he left with Bruce. That’s not fair to Gar and he knows that and he’d never ask you to pick between the two of them. But he wishes he would have anyway because a month away from you feels like an eternity.

“What do ya think?” Jason asks, his voice has this warmth to it that you’ve never heard before. You wonder if the warmth is because this is home and Titans Tower always felt like a hotel.

“It’s big.” You laugh. “Of course it is. And it’s dark and moody, very on brand for fucking Batman.” You roll your eyes, putting your bag down on the bed.

“Yeah, it’s his thing.” Jason chortles. “I’m right down the hall.” Jason jerks his head to the left.

“You’re always right down the hall. Can’t stand to be that far away from me, huh?” You give him a smirk with the wiggle of your brows.

Jason feels the blush creep across his face. “You came here with me, babe.” Jason quips and he’s missed this, too. You don’t play the game over text.

You rolls your eyes but your smile is starting to hurt your cheeks. “You gave me no choice, shithead.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Yeah, okay.” You look down to your shoes and back to Jason before walking up to him. “Tour?”

“Come on.” Jason pushes himself off the doorframe and the two of you start the tour.

Jason leads you around the manor, showing you the living rooms and kitchens because of course, there’s more than one of both. He shows you the several bathrooms and an in-home gym and training room. Jason ends the tour though, with his favorite room of the house, the library. He opens the doors with confidence, walking right inside to allow you to follow him.

You look around, seeing large library shelves holding tons of books. There are windows against the wall facing you and a couch up against it with a small coffee table right in front of the window. The couch is the same as the ones in all the living rooms. Bruce definitely has a theme. Dark and moody. Jason’s smile is soft as he looks at you.

“You would end the tour here.” You state softly.

“You surprised?”

“Not even a little bit.” You smile softly at him because he didn’t need to show the room to you. You don’t like to read but he did anyway, because it’s his thing. “Favorite room?”

Jason nods. “Yeah, spend a lot of time in here or training.” Jason’s eyes look up with the last word.

“Of course.” You laugh softly. “It’s cool.”

Jason shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, it is.”

He looks content, comfortable. There’s an easiness about him here. Back at the tower, he seemed on edge a lot, even before Deathstroke. He always had this wall that, everyone would argue wasn’t worth the effort to knock down, but you never had any issues. It was a wall though, a sturdy brick wall that was completely unmovable. But, here, right now, he looks so content and comfortable. No one would ever know the horrors he’s experienced by looking at him right now.

You walk up to him. “How are you?” You point a finger to your head. “Ya know?”

“I’m fine.” Jason shrugs the question off. He doesn’t wanna go there today. “How’re you?”

“You sure?” You ask and you’re just checking on him. “Happy to be back.” You answer so simply that Jason’s heart explodes in warmth.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jason urges, the smile splits his face. “You look happy.” Jason chuckles softly.

It feels different. Getting on the plane and you telling him about some of the Titans stuff he's missed. It feels different but in a good way. It’s like with the tower, there was all this added pressure for the both of you. Expectations to be something more than what you both were dealt. And there were the feelings you had for Gar that Jason tried his best to tip-toe around. But right now, you get to exist together outside of those expectations. He is Robin and he gets to be Robin like he has been. You get to just exist in a home. It is comfortable, already and you have each other. It feels different but in a way Jason’s never quite felt before.

“Wanna get some food?” Jason asks.

“You hitting me on, Jay?” The corner of your mouth twitches into a teasing smirk.

It’s the game the two of you love so much. This time though, there isn’t anything standing in your way to actually play the game how Jason wants to. A little more contact, make the game a little more thrilling.

“Got a problem with it?” Jason smirks back, taking a step forward, closing the short distance between you.

You narrow your eyes and you’re surprised by the comment but you would never have a problem with it. “Well, if I’m gonna get good out of it, I guess not.”

Jason laughs. “Oh, so you’re using me for food, huh?”

“I do like food, Jay.”

“Wow.” Jason nods his head dramatically. “Didn’t think you’d use me. I’m so hurt.”

“Shut up.” You groan, rolling your eyes. “Where we going?”

“I’ll make burgers.” Jason holds a prideful grin.

“You can cook?” You quip.

“Hell yeah, I can cook.” Jason gestures his hands towards himself as if you should have always know. You’ve never seen him cook anything more than a breakfast sandwich and an omelet.

“Well, make me food!” You fake whine at him.

“Well, since you asked so fucking nicely.” Jason scoffs but his grin holds steady.

The two of you head to the kitchen that leads out into the back courtyard. That’s another thing you’re somehow surprised by. Of course, there’s a courtyard, but it’s shocking nonetheless. It’s so weird being here and being able to live here. You wonder how Jason ever adjusted because you’re not sure you can. But, you don’t say anything to Jason, instead, you watch him grab burgers from the fridge which were very clearly previously prepared and you think it’s sweet. Jason already had food prepped and there’s something so incredibly kind and thoughtful about it, it’s almost surprising. But, you still say nothing and instead just watch him fire up the grill once you both get outside.

“So,” You ask from your spot at the outdoor table. “How’s Gotham been?”

“Bruce is letting me be Robin some more.” Jason boasts, flipping one of the burgers.

“Really? That’s awesome, Jay. I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah, it’s been great.” Jason’s smile is warm and tender. “Went on Patrol last night.”

Jason wasn’t really sure if Bruce would let him after the whole Deathstroke fiasco. He thought maybe Bruce would want him to take some more time off and learn his lesson about going off on his own. But, Bruce let him right back out with him.

“How’d it go?”

“Great,” Jason holds his head with pride and he neglects to tell you it hasn’t been going that well every other night. “Took down some of Penguin’s men.”

“Oh, he’s still doing his Penguin thing?”

“Yeah.” Jason chortles. “Still making everyone else do the dirty work so his hands stay clean.”

“Gotta give it to him, smart.” You let out a laugh.

Jason looks over with a scrunched nose. “Siding with a bad guy now? You alright?” Jason can’t help but laugh because he agrees with you. It’s Penguin, sure he does some fucked up shit sometimes, but usually, he’s the least of their problems.

“No, I’m just saying. If more of the fucks did what Penguin does, they wouldn’t get caught.”

“We still catch Penguin.” Jason points the spatula at you.

“Yeah, but not nearly as often as guys like Mr. Freeze or even Scarecrow. Scarecrow got people to do his shit, too sure, but the whole Fear Gas really pinned him.” You point a finger at him to mock him but Jason’s brows furrow as he looks at you with confusion. “What?”

“Don’t like Batman but you sure know a lot of the bad guys, huh?” Jason teases.

“Fuck Batman.” You let out a laugh and you decide to throw him a bone, just to see him get all flustered. “I like Robin though.”

Jason feels the heat creep onto his cheeks again and he turns away in hopes you don’t notice. You do though and your stomach swarms. He’s cute when he’s flustered.

“Suit do it for ya?” Jason manages to get out as he flips the burgers.

“It’s the eye shadow and the cape.”

“Shut up!” Jason groans through a laugh, tilting his head back.

“Look at you, being a batboy again though.” You tease with the scrunch of your nose and maybe that’s why he seems like he’s in such a good mood. Robin means everything to him.

“Alright.” Jason shakes his head and you drive him crazy in the best way possible. “How was being a Titan?” He looks over at you.

“Pretty good.” You shrug. “We took down part of some illegal gun trading ring.”

“Yeah?” Jason perks up with the comment.

“Mhm, pretty cool. We didn’t get all of them, Dick was figuring out a plan to get all of them when I left but yeah, it was pretty cool.” You offer him a soft smile.

It was definitely cool being a Titan. You felt useful. You were going something good and helping people with your friends. It didn’t feel like you were wasting away anymore. It was as if you had some sort of purpose even if it also felt draining. Fighting and taking down these guys is fun, thrilling, and empowering. But, you aren’t sure that’s the best thing for you right now. The paranoia is still in the front of your mind, worried about it backfiring one day. You know it’s not best to be a Titan or a vigilante at all for right now. You want to feel normal for at least a little bit before getting back into it. You’re so certain you will be getting back into it, just after a little time.

“Use your powers?” Jason asks, plucking one of the burgers from the grill and putting it on a plate.

“Knives and fists, actually.” You hold your head up high.

“Why don’t you use your powers? You have them.” Jason continues to place the rest of the burgers onto the plate.

You shrug. “I dunno.” You let out a sigh. “I don’t like the acid.” You watch as Jason walks over to the table, placing the plate right in the middle amongst the condiments and buns. Jason hands you a plate. “Thanks.”

“Is it because of Jerry?” Jason asks, grabbing you a bun and handing it to you.

“Yeah, like…using it means he still won, ya know?” You use a pair of tongs to put a burger onto your bun while Jason gets his plate ready.

“He didn’t though, you beat the shit out of him and he’s locked up. You won.” Jason takes a seat with his food, right next to you rather than across the table.

“Yeah, I know but…” You pause, grabbing one of the condiments. “Using them just reminds me of everything he did to me and that it’s his fault. With the clairvoyance, I can’t help it. So, that’s fine and that protects me but the acid…I don’t have to use it.” You clear your throat. “There’s also that whole thing about getting kidnapped, ya know? Bit worried that might happen again if someone knows.”

The only people you know with powers are the Titans. But, it seems they’re the ones getting kidnapped for having powers. Rachel was basically being hunted for sport, Gar did get kidnapped, and Conner was made in a test tube then kidnapped because of it. You’re pretty content not using your powers if that’s the risk you’re taking. You do not want to be locked in another basement. Over your dead body. Then, there is Jerry. He won if you use them. He gave them to you against your will. He doesn’t get to win. You escaped him and nearly killed him. He gets to lose.

“Yeah,” Jason sucks in a breath. “Kidnapping shit is a good point.” Jason lets out a scoff.

You’ve been held captive twice in under two years. You have a point and Jason can’t say he blames you. And you witnessed that be the reason for Gar being kidnapped and tortured, and brainwashed. Jason knows enough about what Jerry did to you to understand your resistance and hesitance with using your powers. He does, however, wish you weren’t scared because they could protect you. But, he keeps that to himself because he can’t dispute your fear and that’s not his place to do so. He is, however, certain he’d go to the ends of the Earth to find you if ever happened again.

“Fuck that piece of shit though. If you ever want to use your powers, you should out of spite.” Jason states. “It’s like a fuck you to him. He gave you powers so he could have them and now he gets to rot the fuck away in prison.”

“Thank you, Jay.” You let out a soft laugh. “You’ve got a point.” You do like the idea of spite. There is no better fuel than spite sometimes.

“I always have a point.” Jason chuckles, adding mustard to his burger while you take a bite of your burger.

“Okay.” You swallow. “Why is this the best burger I’ve ever had?” Of all things Jason Todd can do, cooking seems to be the weirdest. Theater nerd, bookworm, chef?

“I told you I can cook.” Jason holds a triumphant smile.

“Seriously? How? How do you know how to cook?!”

There’s a sad smile that crosses his lips as he takes his own bite. “My mom.” Jason swallows. “I used to cook for us. She was always high out of her fucking mind so it was I cook or we both starve.” Jason shrugs his shoulders. “You get creative when you don’t have more than a handful of shit that’s actually edible.”

“You took care of her?” You ask, your voice gentle.

You never asked about his mom. It didn’t seem like a topic he’d ever want to discuss. You never want to talk about your dad. But, you’ve been through so much shit together, you don’t think any question could possibly be off limits between the two of you. And Jason taking care of his mom actually makes perfect sense. That explains a lot about him.

Jason nods softly. “Yeah,” He shrugs a shoulder. “She was my mom.”

“I kind of thought you hated her.” You state honestly, you hate your dad so you always figured Jason hated his mom. But it was different. While Jason’s mom was an addict, she at least didn’t abandon him.

“No.” Jason shakes his head. “I’m mad because fucking drugs, right? Why the fuck wasn’t I good enough for her? To quit, get help, or some shit. But, I don’t hate her. I always took care of her.”

No one really gets that part of him. To have no hatred for his mom, of all people. Every day, she’d pick drugs over him. She’d date her dealers who were always terrible people. A lot of them abused Jason and his mom either did not care because she got a discount on whatever her drug of choice was at the time or she was so far gone, she didn’t even notice. But, it was the two of them a lot and it was his job to take care of her, even if it never should have been. She was his mom.

“That’s nice of you and honestly, good for you. It never should have been your responsibility.”

“Yeah, but it was.” Jason scoffs. “How about you?” Jason jerks his head up towards you in a quick motion. His mom is still sore spot for him, though. “Like, do you ever…wish you knew your dad?”

Jason never asked about your dad because he does, hate his dad. Jason lived with his mom because his dad was down and out. A part of Jason didn’t blame him. Addicts aren’t easy to be with but Jason was a kid. He never should have been left alone to take care of his mom. And when he did see his dad, sometimes he’s get mad because Jason’s always had a smart mouth, always been a troublemaker, and his dad would snap sometimes. Jason doesn’t have a grudge against him, but he doesn’t like him either. So, he never asked.

Your brows furrow as you continue to eat your burger. “I don’t know. Not really. I only saw him once, he came to yell at my mom. It was something about her not letting him see me or something. He shoved her and he was high as fuck. Never showed up again. Like, I wish I knew him but he also picked drugs over me and I don’t want someone who’s gonna pick drugs over me in my life. Even if it’s to tell him to go fuck himself.” You shrug. “I think I just want to know why but not enough to look for him or even hear him out if he shows up. Not worth my time.”

Jason lets out a soft chuckle and that’s something he gets. He wanted to know why his dad was the way he was but it wasn’t worth it to ask. It wouldn’t have made the situation better. It wouldn’t have changed anything. It probably would have made things worse.

“Dads, right?” Jason lets out a scoff.

“Yeah.” You scoff and for a second, you think that at least he has Bruce. Bruce might not be the best by a long shot, but he at least cares about him. “Anyway,” You sigh. “This is seriously really good.” You smile at him. “I think you should cook for me all the time.” You beam.

“Oh, now you want me to be your personal chef?” Jason quips.

“You’re so good at it, Jay.” You lean in closer to him, batting your eyelashes and Jason’s heart stops in his chest. Maybe he misses that feeling, too.

“Kissing my ass?” Jason’s brows wave at you.

“Is it working?” Your smile turns cheeky.

“You could keep going.”

You let out a booming laugh, sitting back up in your chair. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“Yeah, I missed you, too.” Jason chuckles softly.

You make him feel so at ease with everything. He’s haunted and damaged and a little bit of a mess, but he doesn’t feel any of those things with you. He just feels like Jason Todd. And that is refreshing. And he misses your laugh and the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smiles at him. He missed the way his heart likes to do summersaults around you and the taunting smirks you give him. He missed the easiness you provide.

“Alright, how’re things, really?” Jason asks, sitting back in his chair, nudging your knee with his.

Your brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“Nightmares, training.” Jason answers as smoothly as he can.

Maybe he’s been asking about you. You don’t lie to him but you omit information and Jason’s not mad about it. He never could be. He does it, too but with him not being at the tower, maybe he’s asked Gar and Dick a few times how you've been. They tell him point blank. At the end of the day, Gar and Dick know the two of you are the only ones who could ever get through to each other. So, when Jason asks, they tell him.

You pause, looking at him and how does he know that? Jason shows he cares in different ways than most people. Like, for example, he doesn’t tell them. That’s too much, too real. Instead, he does things for them. But this, for him to know that, he’d have to be asking about you. Of course, he could have figured it out. If anyone knows you the best, it would be him but the way he said it, you’re positive that’s not it.

“You asking about me?”

Jason shrugs. “And what if I am?”

You want to combust. You both tiptoe around the inevitable conversation. It’s bound to happen one way or another. But it’s day one in Gotham and neither of you want to go there yet. So, you dodge the game, just for that question.

“Yeah, I, uh, I don’t know.” You shrug. “Most nights I wake up from a nightmare. I don’t really like to sleep anymore.” You chew the inside of your cheek.

Jason looks at you and he hates that for you. But he doesn’t really sleep either. Deathstroke has permanently destroyed parts of him and that includes the ability to get any real sleep. “You gotta find a way to sleep.”

“Yeah,” You scoff. “But then I can’t sleep anyway so I train instead. But clearly, you knew that.” You widen your eyes at him. “Clears my head. Sometimes I can sleep a little after.”

“Same nightmares as before?”

“With the added attack of the tower, Gar dying. Lots of me dying, lots of me being the one who kills you and Gar. I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.” Jason apologizes and he wants to do something that’ll help but he doesn’t know what. Not anything outside the routine you had fallen into at the tower. “Hey, uh, as long as you try to fucking sleep, you can always come into my room when you have a nightmare. I can read to you like before.” Jason offers, going back to his food to intentionally avoid looking at you.

You adore him with every piece of you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear the sun revolved around him. “Thanks, Jay. Might have to take you up on it.” You laugh softly. “How’re yours?”

“Who said I’m having nightmares?”

You shrug. “Just have a feeling.” You’ve had texts from him at all hours of the day and night. If he weren’t having nightmares, he’d be sleeping at some point.

Jason sucks in a breath. “Same shit. Deathstroke. Someone chasing me around the manor with a gun. They shoot me and I wake up before I die, I guess. Shit's fucked.” Jason lets out a scoff.

“I’m sorry.” You nudge his leg with her knee and a sense of worry comes over you. That’s a new nightmare and you wonder if it’s getting worse instead of better. “My room will always be open for you, too.” You offer a soft smile.

“Thanks.” Jason chuckles softly.

“You and me.” You go back to your food and Jason swears he only ever wants it to be him and you.

“You and me.” Jason repeats.

As you and Jason finish your conversation, Bruce comes home. He greets you with a kind smile and a hello. He asked how the flight was. You explain that it was good and you’re very thankful and appreciative that he is allowing you to stay at the Manor. You’re still pretty sure it’s just a favor to Jason and not just out of the kindness of his heart. But, you’ll definitely take what you can get. Gotham is home and this is allowing you to be home, with your best friend.

The rest of the day goes by and you find yourself exploring the Manor with Jason until Bruce Bruce needed Jason for something Batman-related. So, you got to occupy yourself for some of the day. You did text Gar and let him know you landed and everything was good. You promised you’d keep in touch. This is nice though. There’s something that feels so good about it and you actually feel a little more at ease. You felt at home enough in San Francisco, at the tower with everyone, but not like this. This feels like it will be home again in such a specific way. It makes you so happy.

Later that night, Jason finds you in the living room, scrolling through your phone. He’s just gotten back from patrol with Bruce and it didn’t go too well. And the only thing he wants to do is sit down with you, forget about it entirely. And you’re completely oblivious to him standing in the doorway. But, he has a soft smile daunting his face. He’s so happy to have you here. The world doesn’t feel so heavy with you here now.

“Hey.” Jason greets you, plopping down right beside you, nearly sitting on you.

“Excuse the fuck outta you.” You snap your head in his direction, but you don’t move away. You get a look at a purple bruise hugging his jaw and blues circling his right eye, kissing the skin.

“What’re you doing?” Jason questions, looking over at your phone.

You jerk your phone away, furrowing your brows at him. He’s so nosy. “Well, I was scrolling through Instagram until you sat on me.”

“I didn’t sit on you, I sat next to you.” Jason smirks at you.

“Your big ass thigh is literally on my leg.” You point to him barely on you. You poke his leg, hard, and he doesn’t move, just laughs. His leg is strong against yours, it nearly hurts your finger with the poke.

“Are you complaining?” His eyes darken and he’s giving you that troubled smirk of his that sets your entire body on fire.

“You’re heavy, yes.” You shove him with a laugh and Jason barely even moves.

“Seriously, you have got to do better than that, babe.”

“Fine.” You yank your leg from him with very little effort and swing both of your legs over him, leaning your back against the arm of the couch.

“That did so much.” Jason chortles. He rests his hands on your shins, tapping with his thumbs and you shake your head.

Jason’s been…touchy today. The two of you have always joked and played chicken with each other. You’re always the chicken. But, today, he’s very touchy. When walking around the Manor, he'd reach for your hand or put his hand on the small of your back to guide you through the courtyard. And you don’t mind but you’re wondering why that is. What changed in the month you’ve been a part that Jason is suddenly touchy? And Jason knows he’s doing it. A part of him is doing it because it’s just you. He doesn’t have to worry about overstepping his best friend anymore. You can play this game the way Jason likes to play. A little more contact, make the game of chicken a little more thrilling. And the other part of him, wants to see where it’ll actually go. For real this time, despite everything.

“But I have won because this is comfortable.” You give him a large toothy grin and Jason does that crooked smile, where he’s almost biting his bottom lip, like he’s thinking something mischievous. And you swear he’s the prettiest person you've ever met.

Jason leans forward, plucking the book off the coffee table in front of the two of you. You watch him carefully over your phone. Jason lifts his legs up, yours still on top of his, and rests his feet on the coffee table before opening the book where he has a piece of paper as a book mark. The bruise on his jaw shines against the low light, moving with his jaw as he swallows. You find yourself thinking you like the way the bruises always look on his skin. He looks perfect even with the blacks and blues and purples and reds. But, the other part of you, hates that he’s covered in bruises. He never should be.

You sit all the way up and move closer to him, placing your fingers on his jaw. Jason’s heart stutters in his chest but he lets you finish. You turn his face so you can get a look at the bruises that hug his jaw and paint his opposite eye. Your touch is so gentle and tender, Jason isn’t sure if he’d ever get used to it. It’s been so long since he’s felt this, he almost wants to jump right out of his skin. But, he doesn’t dare move because despite his better judgement, he likes when you’re like this. It’s a side of you no one else ever really get to see and it makes him feel wanted.

“What happened?” You ask softly.

Jason is like a graphite drawing, small details in colored pencil. Messy and decorated with shades of blues and purples. But beautiful and soft. Despite the messy smudges and the accidental hard edges and hand prints, he’s so beautiful. He is this beautiful graphite masterpiece that you think should be on display everywhere. There is an effortless about him and ease about him. He pays those purple and blue splotches no mind as the corner of his mouth quirks into his signature grin. He’s so unbothered and pretty. The graphite isn’t damaged or too messy, the smudges make him…him.

“Dickweed got a few lucky hits in.” Jason scoffs and there’s a tiny bit of arrogance that flashes across his eyes. “Got ‘em back though.” Jason wiggles his brows and you brush your thumb over the bruise on his jaw line before shaking your head.

“Of course you did.” You laugh softly, pulling your hand away and Jason just almost grabs your hand back.

You knew you missed him. That was obvious every single day. A coldness came over like the first cold front of the winter. Expected but disappointing anyway. You didn’t know you missed this much. You had no idea you gave him this part of yourself and he took it back to Gotham with him. You think of the Iron Giant, how when he blew up and parts of himself went everywhere, his parts echoed, finding home. You think that’s how your heart is with him. He has a part of it, maybe without even knowing, and your heart beats and aches until you’re with him. You never realized that’s what the pain was until now, now that’s it gone.

You, instead of going back to his face, wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into you. The hug catches him off guard, you hug him but there’s usually some bigger reason behind it. Deathstroke, almost dying twice, leaving, meeting again. There’s usually something bigger there but Jason doesn’t get the sense that’s what this hug is for. So, he reaches up and hugs you back.

You scare him. Jason Todd is not supposed to be scared of anything and lately fear has been taking over his life. And he’s scared of you, but not in that petrifying and paralyzing way that’ll get him killed one day. He’s scared because you’ve been here before and he backed out. He pushed and ran and then you ran. You’re runners and pushers, it’s embedded so tightly through your DNA, Jason doesn’t think anything would ever stop either of you. And he’s so scared to let himself exist with you in the way he so desperately wants to. He could never handle you leaving him and he couldn’t handle hurting you. So, he pulls away, not too far, but enough to look at you.

“What’s up?” Jason asks, his eyes darting over your face and his expression is careful, desperate not to give away the ache of his chest.

You shake your head, biting the inside of your cheek. “Can’t hug you?”

“Always got a reason.” The corner of his mouth twitches up but it’s sad. If someone hugs him, even you, there’s usually a reason.

”I just missed you.” You shrug your shoulders with ease.

Jason can feel the heat creeping onto his face. “You’ve said like six fucking times today.” Jason lets out this laugh that you swear is better than any sound you’ve ever heard before. “I knew you wanted me, but fuck.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You let out a groan but you can’t get the smile to fall from your face. “Want you.” You scoff. “You’re the one who wants me.”

The smirk dances across Jason’s face. “Babe, if I wanted you, I’d have you.”

“Yeah, okay.” You roll your eyes. “Like to see you fucking try, Jay.” You taunt and there’s nothing hold you back from it now. You aren’t a Titan right now. There’s no Gar or Rose. It’s literally just the two of you for the first time since you’ve known each other. And you see Jason pause and you’ve won. “Mhm, exactly. I win.” You hum triumphantly, leaning back against the arm of the couch and Jason doesn’t take losing gently.

If this is game you want to play, he’ll play ball. No one else is here anyway. Jason gets this darkness that crosses his eyes and you do is smile to yourself proudly, going back to looking at your phone. You’re positive, for once, he doesn’t have a come back. But, Jason sticks his finger in his book and stretches his right arm out, grabbing the collar of your hoodie and pulling you forward, bringing you an inch from his face.

Your eyes nearly bug out of your head, your breath catches in the very back of your throat. You swear you can taste your heartbeat in your mouth. Your stomach flips upside down, your bones feel like they’re turning to jell-o. How the fuck does he do that? His eyes are forest green in the low light of the living room and you swears it’s your favorite color now. That specific shade of green that should be named after Jason, himself.

Jason’s eyes dart between your eyes and your lips, he’s doing it on purpose. Jason does everything with intention. Impulsive? Yes. But, he has a purpose for everything that he does. He’s careful even when he’s impulsive.

“Mhm, exactly.” Jason’s voice is low, mocking you.

You finally let out a breath and look to his lips. For a split second, just a fraction of a second, you knows that if you close that distance, he loses. You’re picking up this game of chicken as if no time has passed and it feels like no time has passed. It feels like it did before Gar, before Rose, before Deathstroke. It feels like it did before shit hit the fan. And you know if you do something about it now, you’ll win. And you want to do it so badly, but you aren’t sure you want to be the one to do it this time. And, you like the cocky and arrogant smirk he gets when he wins.

“Fuck you.” You finally get the bitter words out of your mouth and Jason’s grin switches to cockiness, a triumphant win he doesn’t realize was handed to him.

Jason lets go of the collar of your hoodie, you falling back against the arm of the couch. “I win.”

“You’re so obnoxious.” You let out a whine and Jason sees the genuine smile pulling at the right side of your mouth.

“Just the way you like me.” Jason chortles, leaning back in his seat.

You almost tell him. But, you don’t think you actually have to. The both of you know. Neither of you are that obvious. You both already know there’s more here. Jason saw the way you were with Gar compared to how you are with him and he’s not so oblivious to not realize why even if it’s hard to believe. And you saw how he was with Rose, he’s different with you and Jason doesn’t let just anyone in. But you both do nothing about it because of fear and this is easier. The game you play, knowing something will happen sooner or later. This is easier than the conversations of risking the other breaking each other’s hearts. Taking those pieces of each other and the other tossing them into the river to drown. The risk is just a little too much for both of you right now and you don’t need the talk to know.

Jason looks down at his book before looking back to you. “Wanna watch something?”

Your brows furrow as you shake your head, as if to be doing a double-take of his words. “You? Wanna watch a movie?” You look up at him.

“Haven’t watched anything in a while.” Jason offers the softest of shrugs, trying to brush it off. He wants to watch something because that’s your thing.

“I always want to watch something.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “What’d ya have in mind?”

“You pick.” Jason chuckles, putting the piece of paperback in the book before tossing it onto the coffee table.

“I have suddenly forgotten every movie I have ever watched in my entire life.” You blink at him and Jason can’t help but laugh.

“Well, scroll.” Jason leans over you to grab the remote from the table beside the armrest.

He’s leaning over you, a little too close and your heart thunders. You can smell his soap on him and a hint of what you swear his in cologne he’d wear at the tower. A smile pulls at your lips, thinking that is a weird thing to put on after a shower at three in the morning. It’s such a Jason thing to do and you really do just adore him. Jason grabs the remote, hovering just above you with a wild grin and he did it on purpose.

“Here.” Jason states with ease, seeing the gentle expression of fluster across your face.

“Getting pretty close there, Jay.” You whisper, blinking at him and you take a page out of his book, actively glancing between his eyes and lips.

“You were in the way.” Jason doesn’t move and he can feel his stomach twist and turn.

“Right, could have asked me to grab the remote.” You put your hand on his, intentionally stalling as you grab the remote, keeping your eyes on him.

“Could have.” Jason shrugs a shoulder and he almost rests his forehead against yours because he can see your eyes darting across his face. But, it's you who do it first.

You can't help it. He gets close and it's the only thing you ever want, to keep him as close to you as long as possible. You feel warm when he's this close and the second he backs away, you’re cold again and you hate being cold. And Jason's entire brain is short-circuiting. Half of him is screaming 'do it' over and over again. It's screaming and banging at the inner walls of his mind, suffocating nearly every other reasonable thought he could possibly have. Then, there's the other part that thinks it's too soon even if he so desperately wants to cave to the voices in his head. And he is almost terrified of what would happen if he were the one to actually do it this time.

“Did you put on cologne?” You question him because one of you has to say something eventually and you decide, you'll do something if he has one of his usual quips. You pull away just enough to look at him and his eyes shoot wide open.

“No.” He scoffs, heat creeping up his neck as he finally back away. He didn’t think you’d notice.

You chuckle softly as you start to feel the cold creep over your bones. You were hoping he'd have a quip. “Okay, sure.” You shrug, looking at the TV and you can still feel your heart in your throat. “Smells good.” Jason gains a soft smile with your words as he watches you look at the TV.

You start scrolling through the home page, just in case anything sparks your interest. You look up in the corner to see if it says which profile it is. The picture is a picture of Jason, not smiling at the camera and the photo is simple but you think it’s cute. So, you scroll comfortably and naturally see one of the Saw movies recommended followed by Human Centipede and you cringe with the sight of the movie. The Walking Dead is under Jason’s continue watching, he’s on season 2 and you smile. Jason doesn’t watch TV but he’s watching one of your shows.

“Oh! Here.” You click a movie and look at Jason excitedly.

“Yeah…?” Jason chuckles softly and adoration bubbles in his stomach because he loves when you go on little movie rants.

“Happy Death Day.”

“Happy Death Day?” Jason nods. “Am I supposed to know what the fuck that is?”

“One of the best movies ever!” You yell excitedly and Jason loves when you get excited over movies. There’s an innocence about it. You’re anything but innocent so when you’re like this, Jason really likes it. “Groundhog Day?”

Jason shakes his head, looking at you with more confusion. “Which is?”

“Groundhog Day is a movie where the character repeats the same day over and over again.”

“Ugh.” Jason groans, tossing his head back against the back of the couch. “You like those movies?!”

“No! I don’t like Groundhog Day, that’s not my point. I like this movie.” You laugh. “She has to repeat the same day over and over until she finds her killer.”

“Oh, she just gets do-overs.”

“Yep, because Tree is a final girl and she’s a fun one, too.” You grin up at him. “Have I ever steered you wrong?” You offer him a pitiful pout and Jason nearly rolls his eyes into oblivion.

“No, you fucking haven’t.” Jason groans. You’re usually right but then he remembers something you did have him do once. “Actually, no that’s a lie. Remember that time you told me it was a good idea to use one of those smoke canons things on Dick while he made his coffee.” Jason reminds you and you nearly laugh yourself into a fit of tears.

“It was a good idea! He was pissed, he spilled coffee everywhere! There was blue dust covering the entire kitchen! He was blue for days! It was worth it.”

It was about three weeks after Dick had brought you back to the tower. Jason wanted to get Dick back for something stupid that happened in training. He had the bright idea to use one of the smoke canons they use for parties that are supposed to be non-toxic. He went to you, asking if it was a good idea or if he should think of something even better. You did not take long to tell him it was a great idea. You pictured Dick covered in blue smoke that would probably stain and he’d look like the guy from Big Fat Liar. That was enough for you to think it was a great idea.

Dick did not think so. Jason snuck into the kitchen, behind Dick and hid behind the counters before popping out and shooting one of the canons at Dick. Dick’s coffee mug hit the ground, shattering while coffee spilled everywhere. And he was covered in blue smoke. You were in the living, laughing so hard you started choking. Jason’s laugh bounced off of every wall and Dick wanted to yell because what the fuck? It was five in the morning. And this what he’s dealing with. Dick wasn’t actually mad though, not at first because it took a little bit of dedication for Jason to pull it off and for you to be awake at five in the morning. He stood there, completely silent as if to be questioning every life choice he’s made that lead him to that exact moment before finally muttering “I’m not cleaning this” and Jason immediately said he would through his fit of laughter.

It was after the shower that Dick was not happy. You were right, it did stain and he did look like the guy from Big Fat Liar. He still wasn’t that mad but he was going to dish out something because now he’s blue. Jason swore up and down it was worth it. And Gar and Rachel got a good laugh out of it, too. Rachel didn’t even want to think it was funny but Dick was in the training room trying to be so serious about something but none of you could take him seriously with a face as blue as Blue from Blue’s Clues.

“I got double chores for a week!” Jason yells.

“Well, it was a good idea for me. I got a good fucking laugh out of it and you had to pick up some my chores. So, I did not steer you wrong. I steered you exactly where I wanted you.”

All Jason can do is blink at you, he wants to laugh. You’re just as conniving as he is. You do it differently and he’ll definitely be getting you back for that.

“Yeah, don’t think you thought that far ahead.”

“Oh, didn’t I?” You wiggle your brows at him.

“No.” Jason states but his word is slightly unsure.

“Guess you’ll never know.” You shrug cheekily, looking back to the TV and you change the subject before Jason can dispute the discussion “Hey, Jay.”

“No, fuck you.” Jason scoffs, the corners of his mouth perking up.

“You should get me a blanket.” You offer a toothy, pleading smile.

“Do I look like a fucking maid to you?”

“I don’t think you want me to answer that.” You snicker to yourself and it takes everything in Jason not to start laughing and immediately get up to get you a blanket.

“Fuck you, no!” Jason huffs, you’ll be the death of him, he swears it.

“Please.” You lean forward, pouting your bottom lip. “It’s chilly.”

“It’s fucking July.” Jason’s voice booms as he finally lets the laugh slip.

“And three in the morning.” You bat your eyes at him.

“You’re so annoying.” Jason scoffs, moving your legs off him before he gets up.

“Maybe so, but you think it’s cute.”

“Do I?” Jason quips, you can see his canines through his fake scowl. He’s cute when he pretends to be mad. And Jason always thinks you’re cute, even when you’re not trying to be.

“Of course you do.” You hold your head up. “I think you’re cute.”

“Alright, shut up, pause the damn movie. What blanket you want?”

“Doesn’t matter, your pick.” Your smile turns soft and Jason nods his head slowly before turning around and heading down the hallway.

They say home is where the heart is. Jason thought that was a load of shit. His heart has belonged to several people, several places. His home, the library, his mom, his uncle, Bruce. He swore if home were a place, it would not just be the thing he loves. It would be a place he felt safe and comfortable, where he didn’t always have to look over his shoulder. It would be a place where he didn’t feel like he needed to hide a tire iron under his pillow or a baseball bat under his bed. He wouldn’t feel like he needs to hide food around the house, just to make sure he always has a stash, just in case. It would be a place of comfort and safety and peace. But, he’s walking to his room to grab a blanket for you and he thinks he feels more at home now than he ever has before. Jason pretends like he doesn’t know why that is, even if it’s chewing and biting and tugging the very center of his chest.

“Here’s your damn blanket.” Jason comes back, tossing it over your head.

“Hey!” You yell, pulling the blanket away. Jason lets out a soft laugh as he plops down beside you once more. “Rude.”

“I got the blanket.” Jason quips back. “You gonna share?”

“It’s JuLy.” You mock him while you swing your legs back over his. You spread the blanket over your legs, covering Jason, too.

Jason gains a grin looking back at you and you play the movie. The movie plays for a few minutes, before you break the silence and you think maybe Jason’s rubbed off on you because now you can’t shut up. You ignore the feeling that maybe it’s because you haven’t talked like this in a month. You ignore that maybe it’s just you missing him.

“You seem comfortable here.” You state, looking over him.

“Yeah,” Jason nods his head. “Gotham is fucking shitshow, but like you said, it’s home.” He shrugs a shoulder, a fond smile on his lips.

“Yeah.” You agree with him.

“You seem comfortable here, too. It’s your first day but you seem like you’ve been living here as long as I have.”

You offer him a kind smile. “Yeah…it feels nice. I like it here.” You think maybe you could feel comfortable anywhere as long as Jason is there.

He always offers a different type of comfort than Gar ever did. Gar offered comfort, it’s just different with Jason. He offers it with quips rather than tender words and kind touches. He offers it with sarcasm and fire in his bones. Gar offered it with softness and gentle words. Jason offers comfort in a way that makes you feel understood.

Jason moves his legs from under you and slide his on the couch, maneuvering himself to lean against the back of the couch, partially on you so he can lie down with his elbow holding his head up. The exhaustion of lack of sleep and patrol is finally catching up with him. He’s not sure if he could hold his head up much longer just sitting up. And you smile at him, a soft and loving smile.

“Tired?” You ask.

“I’m fine.” Jason answers and you think maybe it’s a reflex, to always say he’s fine. You hope he breaks the habit and chooses honesty one day.

“Mhm.” You roll your eyes. “Just lay down, I’m not gonna fucking bite you.”

“You do give biter vibes.” Jason huffs and you tap the top of his head. “Hey!” Jason lets out a laugh, looking up at you.

“I don’t bite people!” You glare at him before a flash of teasing comes across your eyes. “Well…not like this.”

Jason smirks. “Oh, that’s what you’re into? Yeah, that tracks.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Jay?”

Jason laughs loudly. “Nothing.” Jason continues to snicker.

“Maybe I will bite you.” You mutter.

“You can bite me in that context all you fuckin want, babe.”

Your words jumble in your mouth like they’re all rushing out once and caused a traffic jam. How does he always do that?

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” You quip and the response catches Jason off guard. He’s surprised you had a comeback.

“Wouldn’t be a threat.” Jason fires back.

“Lay down.” You roll your eyes and and stretch out your arms, welcoming him to lay with you. You think your smile might be stuck on your face like glue.

Jason smiles softly to himself and he does as told, scotting up closer to you, resting his head between your chest and stomach. You’re the only person he’s ever felt comfortable enough to lay like this with.

A kind warmth fills your stomach with the butterflies swarming around. He’s so soft. He’s so soft and he’s so good. He deserves everything good to happen to him. Jason being rough around the edges but soft around you. It makes you want to melt right into the floor. He’s fucking cute. And you lift your hand, tangling your fingers in his hair, spinning his curls around her finger. Jason hums and he doesn’t remember the last time someone played with his hair but it’s nice. It’s relaxing and you just keeps doing it while the movie plays, absentmindedly enjoying the closeness. The both of you could easily get used to this.

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detectivemarvelingcomics · 2 years

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Not Your Classic Vigilante [Ch. 7]

Alternate Dimension AU

TW: Language, Mentions of Death, Descriptions of Violence, Scar Mention, Mentions of Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Implied Sexual Assault

CW: OC Use, See the OC Guide [Here]

Genre: Angst, Some Comedy

Pairing: Batfamily x Batsis!Reader

(7/?) [First] | [Previous] | [Next]

[DC Masterlist] | [Not Your Classic Vigilante Masterlist]

YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Word Count: 5.0K

Notes: WHOAAAAAAA When was the last time I updated this I'm so sorry guys I'll try to spend more time on this blog cuz wow this fic is so fun to write ahaha

Not Your Classic Vigilante: @gabytodd @marshmallow12435 @escapenightmare @luminaaz @akuri-shinsou

Unable to be Tagged: @peachydoki @lolsnack

Disclaimer: This series is originally by @fandom-meanderer who is a close friend of mine, but she has since fallen out of her Tumblr days and asked me to finish a few series for her, hence why I am now in ownership of the Not Your Classic Vigilante series, I hope I can still live up to her writing as I rewrite this series! (I promise not to change too much, hehe)

15 June 2015

“That one, I think, would be Orion,” you pointed to the constellation in the sky, your other hand holding your phone up to illuminate the astrological book on your lap. Your back was pressed up against the hard metal of the back of the truck, the cold being muted out by the quilt beneath you. To your side, Conner only hummed. His fingers drummed on his chest and he kept one arm behind his head.

“How d’you know?” His voice was gruff, and it was sign enough of what he had been doing prior to your date. He never told you about them, but you always knew. It was a stipulation of Tim’s, always trying to keep you as far away from the vigilante gig as he could but you’re bound to get wound up in it when all of your friends and the majority of people who surrounded you happened to be of the extraordinary kind. But, there was always this weird air around him when he’d just come back from missions, and you always knew that the worst ones preceded the text that would appear in your phone from him.

That and you could clearly see the new scars on his arms, Conner wasn’t too versed in makeup, it would seem, but the thought was still there. Who knew that it would be in your teens that you’d have to deal with your hero boyfriend who had an affinity for getting beat up on missions and going on dates with you right after? It wasn’t something on your checklist, that’s for sure.

“See how those stars connect? That’s his belt, then you go from there,” you spoke in hushed whispers. You turned your head to him, his eyes squinting as he tried to make out what you were saying. You sighed and pressed your head against his, trying to see things from where he was. Your hand wrapped around his wrist and you held it up, pointing his hand to where the belt started. “Now do you see? Here’s where it starts,” you moved his hand slightly to the side and his gaze followed, “and there’s where it ends. Now, you go up or down and you see the faint outline of the warrior,” your hand moved down his arm until it reached the first large scar, poorly applied foundation removed easily under your touch and you chuckled. “You know, Con, you have to blend it out.”

“Seriously? Donna said all I had to do was put it on like lotion…” He wipes the rest off with his sleeve.

“Oh, dear, no, honey,” you laughed. “And you have to get your right shade,” you took some foundation off his hand and swiped it across his cheek. “This is about two shades too dark,” you smiled. “But, seriously, you don’t have to hide it from me. I’ve seen my brothers come home with so much worse,” you muttered. Soon your hands intertwined and your eyes raked over the recently healed over scars.

“Tell me about it,” Conner did nothing while you traced over it.

“Wonder what the other guy looks like.”

“What’s left of him?” He adds with a short laugh. You only smiled in response and soon you felt him push his head against yours softly.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s alright,” he nodded his head slowly and you hummed quietly. “I don’t really want to think about it right now.”

“In that case…” you understood what he meant. “This is a really nice quilt, I feel kind of bad for just laying it on top of this dirty truck bed,” you played with the edges of it.

“Hey! I washed it, you know,” he rolls his eyes and you pushed his chest gently.

“Just teasing, it looks like Mrs. Kent worked hard on it, though,” you smoothened out the wrinkles now.

“Speaking of… it’s for you,” he sits up and looks at the patches on the quilt, he holds up the corner piece that sported the bat insignia on it.

“Why tell me after we dirtied it?” You grew wide eyed for a moment. “Oh, wait, so you wouldn’t have to wash it, huh?” You squeezed his cheek. “You suck,” your smile betrayed you.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who can’t keep their hands off of me.”

“Ew,” you squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head. “You’re the one who’s obsessed with me.”

“Yeah, that’s also true,” he tilted his head to the side. His phone rings in the truck and he sighs. You only straightened, knowing that ringtone well.

“Duty calls?”

“If I just let it go to voice mail, do you think they’ll just assume I’m busy?”

“You could try that. Or you could chance Bart running all the way here and catching us.”

“Dear god, I might actually lose my mind if he did that, hold on,” he hopped out of the truck and sat back in the driver’s seat. You, meanwhile, stayed in place. You picked up the quilt, it wasn’t too dirty, actually, save for some bits of hay and dirt beneath it, but nothing a good wash couldn’t handle. It really did look like Mrs. Kent spent a lot of time on it, the stitches and the fabrics were meticulously placed, and the small depictions on each tile represented a facet of you.

It was a darling gift.

28 July 2022

And now, it was draped over your wall. It was kept clean, you assumed that Alfred regularly washed it, but at a closer glance you could see some of the edges frayed with use. You wonder who caused those?

The clock stroke midnight, and the Manor was empty save for two souls. Everyone else had gone on patrol, go figure. Dead sister comes back but crime never sleeps. Granted, Tim made a really good argument for having one of them stay behind, but Alfred ceremoniously volunteered himself to monitor you. Great.

Alfred Pennyworth sat in the library, patiently waiting for the Master of the home, with a simple book in hand and a cup of tea in another. The library was lit in a way that made the area seem warm and welcoming. Anyone who walked into its warmth would be encased in a feeling of comfort and safety that all else would fade away and allow one restful night. The old butler thought back to the simpler times when the Waynes were a rather joyous group, well, as joyous as a family could be given their hobby. Now would be an important time to note that the book in Alfred’s hands was not one you would find in a store, no, not quite, it was a birthday present gifted to Bruce Wayne by the one and only (Y/N) Wayne. The brightest of the Waynes, but at the same time the most tragic. All she wanted was her father’s approval, but it never came. And despite all the love and affection her siblings gave her, it was never enough to fill the void left by her own father. His eyes drifted over to the darkness of the hallway. The (Y/N) that entered the manor that day, he knew it was her, yet at the same time he knew it wasn’t. But what is this strange feeling?

Now, in stark difference to the library, was the rather cold and secluded bedroom where our heroine lay. Your eyes staring up at the ceiling, unable to even consider the horrors of allowing the tired captain to close her eyes for just a moment. Years of being in a new world conditioned you to be unable to relax in atmospheres like this, cold and alone. An environment that used to feel like the afore mentioned room, was now the opposite. You were at attention, like something would jump out at the shadows any minute now.

But there was a time where this room was, as Tim put it, the happiest place in the mansion. You recalled when the then younger Tim Drake would run in, shaking in his pajamas, and timidly ask to sleep with you after thinking it a good idea to watch a horror movie with Jason, or how every now and then you’d find Damian resting at the foot of your bed in full regalia and all. Even the days where Jason would come to just annoy the living hell out of you and Dick would yell at him from the next room over. You remembered these fondly, but was still unable to find yourself in a state of comfort. Was it the loathing you felt for this manor in general? Or was it the constant nagging of your best friend in your head. Whatever it was, it was enough to drag you out of the prison of your bed and onto your feet.

‘What, Alex?’ You grumbled, your hand clutching your heart. You looked to the wall in front of you, the intricate quilt that hung undisturbed seemed to mock you. You remembered shoving it into your closet after you and Conner had broken up, but someone must have taken it out to display it.

‘Remind me again why you two broke up,’ his voice had a hint of teasing in it. ‘I still remember those ten-paged letters you’d send me detailing every single glance he gave you.’

‘Oh, stop it. I was young and he was my first. And to answer your question, he fell in love with Cassie, perfect Cassie, how could I compete with that? Who was I to get in the way of that? A Super-Boy with a Wonder-Girl. I wonder if they stayed together.’

‘I’m now remembering your fifteen-page letter on that.’

‘Don’t tease me. I literally didn’t speak to either of them for months and I avoided Mr. Kent and Jon like the plague until Mr. Kent came here himself. It was so awkward…’

‘I don’t doubt it,’ Alex sounded like he was doing something as he spoke to you. ‘Anyway, I’m sure you’d love to come back, and I can see that the path to your father’s computer is empty.’

‘Okay, yeah, I’m going. Alfred’s pretty vigilant though.’

‘Ah, so you need a diversion.’

‘Yup, what do you have up your sleeves?’

‘Not much, unfortunately. Oh wait, just kidding.’

‘Wait, what? What’s up?’ Your mental conversation is disrupted by a small but sudden explosion outside. You rushed over to the window as Carter gives you a sloppy salute. You look down and notice Alfred walking out to investigate. ‘Alexander Wright, you are a genius.’

‘Thank you, darling. But you really should be thanking Carter, I’m sure he’d love praise from his dear Captain.’

‘Don’t say it like that it’s creepy.’

‘Is it? Why don’t you pay more attention to his mannerisms? I’m sure the two of you would make a lovely couple.’

‘What do you mean?’ Your face heats slightly. Was he catching on? Maybe you should’ve thought twice before keeping a secret from your best friend, but it’s not something you wanted to parade around. ‘Alex?’

After repeatedly trying to call out to him, and repeatedly not hearing a response, you opted to run down the stairs, making sure that Alfred is kept busy as you accessed the bat cave.

‘If you’re done teasing, how’s the cameras?’

‘Took him a while, but Carter was able to get them down for a moment.’

‘Good.’ You descended into the cavern. You fired up the comically large computer a d watched it spark to life, an array of articles that didn’t concern you filled the desktop and similarly multiple programs started running at once. You fumbled to pull the flash drive out but quickly regain composure as you watched all of the information from the bat computer duplicate and save onto the small device that would serve to be your lifeline. Then, a password prompt appeared. You typed in the password you remembered, your hand hovering over the enter button, but… if you were wrong, if your father changed it, then it wold be all game over for you. Instead, you went with the safer option. You pressed the small button on the flash drive and it was quickly overridden, that’s one obstacle down. The whole time you could feel your heart rate rise. You didn’t know how much your father’s tech had changed since three years ago, and you didn’t know if it would detect the device or not. So far, so good, though. You just hoped that there wasn’t a backdoor program that was alerting him right now. But why were the flags in your head raising? You looked around, the cave was dark to hide your presence more but you could swear that something was watching you. You turned back in time for the drive to finish its work.

‘Don’t forget the device.’

‘I know, I know, fuck off.’ You mentally argue with Alexander. You pulled out a second listening device and planted it far beneath the desk just as the flash drive completed its purpose. Just as quickly as you went in, you pulled out the flash drive and retreated back upstairs; however, this time you couldn’t ignore the library. You spent a lot of your time there, now that you thought about it, there was just something so soothing about the never-ending walls of pages. Seeing as it was still empty, you walked in.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m rarely ever home, let me live through the nostalgia again in peace, alright?’ He didn’t respond.

You looked out the window and watched Alfred finish cleaning up the aftermath of Carter’s work and more questions popped into your mind.

First of all, how did they cope after you left? Your father, you can guess easily, probably didn’t find out until months after the fact. Your brothers, Dick in particular, must have been heartbroken. You could hate your father as much as you wanted, but you could never hate your siblings. All of the carnival days with Dick, the late night motorcycle rides with Jason, how you and Tim would do midnight to dawn homework sessions together, and how could you forget about all the arcade days with Damian? And furthermore, the cute movie nights with Steph, or the girls’ nights with Cass, all of these were memories that you held dear. Cass, you thought of her more often than the others sometimes, she truly was, at one point, your best friend.

Cass... you needed to avoid her at all costs.

But more questions distracted you, how different would things be if you had stayed? Would you have gained your father’s approval? Would you have graduated? Who knows? Maybe you would have finally met someone who could have filled that lack of fatherly care. Maybe you would have met someone to share your life with under different circumstances. Two names appeared in your head, but you dismissed them quickly.

Your eyes land on the book near the fire. It was crudely bound with yarn and hastily glued over with scribbles of crayon on the cardboard covers. The pages contained between them were that of various colored construction paper until the last few pages that were white and neatly stacked against each other, no doubt added on much later. You recognized this book that stood out like a sore thumb compared to the expensively bound ones that surrounded it, and you recognized it because it was yours. You picked it up and turned through the pages. It was a sloppy, albeit adorable, picture book littered with polaroids of yourself and your many family members, and each picture had a short description next to it written in the same crayon that adorned the cover. You remembered clearly, you made this to give to your father. You had felt terrible that he was on “business trips” all of the time, and you felt like he would miss his family. At the time, the only people pictured were yourself, Dick, Jason, Alfred, and your mother. Simpler times. You flipped through the pages and noticed that they had been filled in with more neat handwriting and more professional pictures, and you easily recognized this to be Alfred’s doing. Finally, you came to a stop at the last page. In childish writing, it read: “For my superhero dad! So he would always have his family with him!”

Superhero. Is that what he was? That’s how you always thought of him back then. Your mother called him that, the superhero that Gotham needed. Alfred called him that, the superhero that kept you safe. Mr. Kent called him that, the superhero who was his best friend, and the list went on. You called him that at one point. When you were younger, you remembered how when you’d call he’d run over in a heartbeat, working quickly to rid of what upset you in the first place, and you remembered thinking of him as your hero. That all changed when you grew old enough to fully understand what it was that he did, when you renounced the family business, that’s when tensions started to arise. And they kept rising until they were untamable.

Then you died, but we’ve been over that enough times already.

“I know it may not seem like it, Miss (Y/N),” Alfred cuts in. You don’t move from your spot and continue to stare down at the page. You tapped your finger against the picture of you and your father. You didn’t even think he had any other pictures of you aside from this one. “But your father did truly love you.”

“Right,” your facade breaks. You catch yourself and took a deep breath. All these years, and all the lies you’ve told yourself, you’re back at the place you once called home and already you’re wishing you had even an ounce of his approval. “I’m sure he did.”

“Are you really the same (Y/N) Wayne who left this manor three years ago?” Alfred moves cautiously towards you. You take in a deep breath and close the picture book.

“Keen as ever, Alfred,” you smiled weakly. There’s no point in lying to him now, your best bet is to inch around the truth.

“Your smile certainly isn’t,” Alfred points out. He takes a seat by the fire once more and gestures for you to do the same. “It’s different, almost like you have seen a world of pain. And your eyes, they look so much like your father’s, and you know what I mean by that.”

“Do they? I guess that would make sense,” you try to build up you character again. You couldn’t jeopardize the mission, not when the flash drive was finally in your pocket. “I did die.”

“That is true,” Alfred says sadly. He drinks his tea silently. “Do you really not remember anything from that day?”

“I do not,” you lied. The two remain quiet for awhile. You coughed lightly and placed your hand on your heart.

‘He’s catching on,’ you worried.

‘It appears so,’ Alex responds. ‘Remain vigilant.’

“Are you alright, Miss (Y/N),” Alfred speaks again.

“I have been having these strange chest pains,” you explain.

‘Is that all I am to you? Strange chest pains?’ Alex teases. You let your hand drop to your lap, ending your side of the conversation with Alex.

Chest pains. Might be a little complicated to explain to Alfred the circumstances of your survival up to this point. The scar of a magical circle over your heart, one that linked you to the voice in your head, without it, you doubt you’d be able to function as a whole human, if that’s what you still were. You didn’t blame Alex, you couldn’t, his life was on the line and yours was already gone, with the Queen looming over him, you would’ve done the same.

The only catch now is that you have to be careful how far you are from him, which is quite generous.

“Maybe it’s an after effect of dying,” you finally said. And in some ways it was. You don’t remember your heart being taken from you that night, at least. If it was then you were already long dead before you could’ve noticed.

“Please don’t speak of your death so calmly,” Alfred shakes his head. “Dick did not sleep for days, Jason kept coming home with new wounds, Cassandra regressed so far to the point where she shut herself out, Tim kept surrounding himself with work, and do not get me started on Damian… It truly was a tragedy for us. You may not believe it, but it was.”

“Was it for dad?” You looked up at him again, but this time with genuine curiosity. Alfred is silent for awhile. “Did he even know?” You felt your voice waiver. You couldn’t understand why you felt this way, you should loathe him, and you wanted to, so you did for a time. But, and this is what you were afraid of when you heard you had to come back here, with all of these memories resurfacing, you didn’t know what you wanted anymore.

You shouldn’t have come here, you should’ve taken the long route and studied each member yourself.

“He… He did not,” Alfred admits. You put on another pained smile and nodded slowly.

“Of course he didn’t. Why would he care?”

“He was on mission for the League, at the time. No one could reach him and… he didn’t find out until Mr. Kent came over to pay his condolences,” Alfred admits. Of course Mr. Kent came. He treated you more like family than your father ever could. “Just a few days before your funeral.”

“Right, sounds like him,” you shake your head. Before Alfred could try to defend your father’s actions furthermore, you spoke up quickly, “Al, what else changed while I was gone? I feel like I don’t recognize things anymore, nothing is the same here. I don’t even recognize myself when I look into a mirror.”

“A lot has changed, my dear girl,” he nods his head. “And, it will take time, but you will grow accustomed once again, and we will do it together,” he says. You both hear a bookcase slide open then closed. “Your father’s home.”

“I’m going to bed.”

“Do you not want to see him?”

“No,” your answer came out quickly and sharply. It was a tone Alfred had never heard in your voice, and you knew he caught onto it. “Al, my last memory of this house is dad telling me that I have no value in this family, so… no, I really don’t want to see him right now,” you finished. Yet you didn’t move. “Did he even grieve?”

“We all have different ways of grieving, my dear.”

“What was his?” You leaned forward, your elbows resting on your knees now. “No, don’t tell me, I already know. He worked, didn’t he? Arkham must have had a field day,” you shook your head. Alfred didn’t answer and you knew you got it spot on. You wondered how your mother coped with it all, if it was a good idea to even see her at all. Despite appearances, she really was one of the pillars of your life. The days you spent with her helped you release so much stress off of your shoulders and made you feel so carefree that you’d forget all about your vigilante family. Granted, she was somewhat one of herself, but she knew how to separate life and work much better than any of the Waynes did. You shook your head. Why are you still here? “I’m going to bed.” You stood up this time, but as you did so, the library door opened. You didn’t move, your back was to the door and you looked out the window.

It was a night just like this one, your very last one on this earth.

27 July 2019

It was such a lovely night. The moon was full, and the air wasn’t as smoggy as it usually was in this godforsaken city. You had finished your final, three hours of grueling free response finally over as you made your way back to your apartment, having given up on the dorms since you’ve started to become independent of the Wayne fortune. You had your scholarships to pay rent, but you’ve barely even started unpacking your boxes. You stretched your arms over your head.

You were done. Once you got this grade from your final, you’d see if you would be able to graduate, and once you did? Who knows what’s next. You only had the rest of your life. You couldn’t stop the smile on your face. Never had you felt so much more relief than to know that you did it. You took your phone out, your thumb hovering over Dick’s contact, but you paused.

You wondered if your father had told everyone yet.

Without another thought, you scrolled on, your thumb landing on Roy’s number instead. It only rang once before he picked up.

“How’d your final go, Goose?” The nickname had a teasing connotation to it, but you ignored it. It was an old nickname he’d had for you since his time in the titans with your older brothers and whenever he said it it was quickly followed by you getting shot with a nerf gun and still, one year into this secret relationship, he still never relented when he called you by it.

“I think I did really good, actually! I feel like celebrating, are you busy right now?” You walked with a slight skip in your step.

“Uh… shit, yeah actually,” he says. “I’m with Jason right now.”

“Oh, crap, why’d you pick up then?!”

“And ignore a call from a pretty girl like you? How could I?”

“I’ll never understand how you do that so easily,” the heat in your cheeks was especially prominent with the cold air around you. “You talk to everyone like that?”

“Only to the future Mrs. Harper, of course.”

“Oh, god,” you rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. “Raincheck then?”

“Raincheck. I’ll take you out to the best dinner you could even dream of.”

“Just so you know, Red, burnt chicken and raw asparagus isn’t what I have in mind for a celebratory dinner.”

“That was just the once, (Y/N)! Besides, I bet you’re equally as bad in a kitchen, trust fund kid.”

“That’s not what you said when you were bedridden in my dorm room for a week.”

“Your roommate is so cool for that, by the way.”

“Oh, I’m sure she just didn’t want to die,” you laughed. “Okay, I’ll call you later, I’m on my way back to my apartment.”

“You need help getting settled? I’ll gladly ditch your depressed brother for you any day.”

“Oh? And what’s your excuse?”

“Same one I gave him when I answered you. A pretty girl needs my help.”

“Screw you,” you shook your head.

“Maybe tomorrow if you’re lucky.”

“You’re so shameless, Roy,” you sighed. “Seriously, go back to whatever you’re doing together before Jason gets curious.”

“Do we know the same Jason Todd?”

“Roy!”

“Okay, okay, I’m going, I’ll see you later, (Y/N).”

“Bye,” you waited for him to hang up first before continuing. It was just around the block now, and the streets were clear. But, the longer you walked, the more anxious you got. You looked over your shoulder, once, twice, and maybe thrice now.

No, this area was a part of Tim’s rounds, you’ll be okay.

You’ll be okay. You thought this even as you felt someone grab your arm and drag you into an alley.

28 July 2022

“Alfred, leave the room.” You were pulled back into reality with a blink of your eyes. The moon was still as bright as ever. Alfred looked to you before looking to the person behind you.

“Of course, Master Bruce,” Alfred spared you one glance before exiting the room. You didn’t look behind you. You didn’t want to.

“(Y/N),” your father’s voice was stern. Always stern with him, he was never relaxed. You didn’t move. You didn’t want to. You took a deep breath.

‘Do you need another diversion?’ Alex’s voice rang in your head. You placed your hand on your heart, feeling the skin between them burning.

‘No. It wouldn’t work anyway.’ You turned around. “Hey, dad. Long time no see.” You kept your words slow, the library only illuminated by the fireplace that roared next to you. A fireplace in a room full of books, it spelled trouble, in your opinion. You closed the crude picture book with one hand while you looked at your father. His cowl was off, it was bundled in one of his fists, and his suit looked to have undergone some changes since last you saw it, but the man before you was undoubtedly your father. He took a few steps towards you until he was an arm’s distance. You both stood in silence, and the flash drive in your pocket became all the heavier. You couldn’t read his expression, you never were able to, but now it felt more intimidating than ever. For the first time in a while, you felt so small. You should’ve known that your high horse would have stayed on the other earth.

‘Take a deep breath, (Y/N), steady yourself,’ Alex spoke gently. Back in character.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have come, I’m not welcome here anymore, but according to Jason, I have nowhere else to go,” you explained, keeping your voice from wavering. Bruce made no moves, he just continued to stare down at you. Until, finally, his hand rose and settled on your shoulder. It wasn’t heavy, had it not been for the soft grip you’d think that he wasn’t even touching you at all.

“You’re home, you’re always welcome here.” Such words that were so weighted were said by a man with only a sliver of emotion. His expression that was once straight finally broke and, for a moment, you could’ve sworn that you saw sympathy. You bit back any smart remarks and instead shrugged his hand off.

“I’ll be gone by tomorrow,” is all you said. You walked past him and back up the stairs, part of you hoped that he’d call you back, maybe have a civil conversation, but no such wish was answered. No, instead you continued forth until you were once again situated on your bed, memories of a time past swirling in your head.

This was a bad idea.

#dc #batman #batfamily #batfam #batsis #batsis fics #batfamily x batsis!reader #batfam x reader #batfamily scenarios #batfamily x reader #batsis!reader #batfam fics #batfamily fics #batfamily x batsis #batfam x batsis!reader #batfam x batsis #my writings #nycv

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justabigassnerd · 2 years

Text

Sidekick

Pairing - TASM!Peter Parker x sister!reader

Word count - 2,166

Warnings - little bit of angst but mostly sibling banter n fluff

Summary - Peter's younger sister finds out about his superhero endeavours and longs to be his sidekick. Peter, however, isn't keen on this idea

Sequel - 'The Spider-Man experience'

A/N - hey y'all sorry for the delay in fics, like I said on my last upload, my dog has been put down and tbh I've been struggling to cope and uni & work haven't been helping but I've been pushing through it because I don't wanna neglect this blog. This was an anon request that I thought was adorable and I tried my best to do it justice. As per y'all, please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!

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Peter hadn’t planned on telling you about him being Spider-Man. At least not until you were a bit older because even though you were fourteen, part of Peter’s job as your older brother was to look out for you and to protect you. He wasn’t willing to put you at risk because he went out every night patrolling for criminals.

Peter had snuck into his window and had only just removed his mask, grabbing his water bottle off his desk and took a swig before returning the bottle to his desk and turning around. Usually, his spider-sense would warn him of any impending danger but because it was you and Peter had never viewed you as any kind of threat, his senses neglected to warn him of your presence.

“Peter! Aunt May’s been calling you for-” You stopped in your tracks when you saw Peter dive under his cover, but you had already seen the Spider-Man suit.

“y/n, have you heard of knocking?!” Peter yells from under his duvet, silently cursing himself for forgetting to lock his door and for just standing around. He heard the door close, and he knew from the lack of footsteps that you were still in the room with him. He sighed lightly when he realised you weren’t going to budge until he gave you answers. Deciding to bite the bullet, he sticks his head out from under the duvet.

“You’re Spider-Man?” You asked in an excited whisper, eyes wide at this newfound information. Peter knows there’s no other way around this conversation, so he just nods his head.

“You can’t tell May. She’d freak out.” He adds quickly, watching as you nod your head quickly, understanding his words.

“How the hell did you become Spider-Man? What happened?” You question eagerly, grabbing his desk chair and sitting on it. Peter knew you were a Spider-Man fan, ever since he saved the city from becoming lizard people his masked persona gained a following and you were one of them.

“I got bitten by a spider in Oscorp.” He shrugs, sitting up in his bed and crossing to his door, locking it so May doesn’t walk in too.

“What were you doing in Oscorp?” You immediately ask, and Peter never regretted something more in his life than his previous sentence.

“If I tell you, you’re going to have to keep your mouth shut. You can’t tell May. You can’t tell any of your friends. The only people who can know are me and you, okay?” Peter says sternly as he sits down on the edge of his bed, watching with a raised eyebrow as you nod.

“See that briefcase? Pass it here.” Peter says, pointing under his desk behind you and waits patiently for you to grab it and pass it to him. Once the case is in his hands, he unzips the front and finds the hidden zip, unzipping that and pulling out the contents he found in there. He took the photo of Richard Parker and Curt Connors, holding it out towards you and watching as you take it between your thumb and forefinger. He saw your eyebrows furrow in confusion, and he felt a hand squeeze at his heart at your lack of recognition.

“The guy on the right is dad.” Peter says gently, watching as you hold the picture closer, studying the face of your father. Peter forgot you were barely a year old when your parents had dropped you off at May and Ben’s and left, never to return. He forgot you had no memories of them and for most of your younger years believed May and Ben were your parents, growing confused and upset when they told you otherwise.

“That’s dad?” Your now small voice questions, eyes fixed on the image of the man. You tried conjuring up a single memory of this man and you felt tears stinging your eyes when nothing came up.

“Hey, come here.” Peter says softly, gesturing for you to come to sit beside him on the bed. He waits for you to move to sit next to him and once you do, he wraps an arm around your shoulder, tugging you against his side. He gently takes the photo from your hand putting it to the side as you sigh.

“I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t remember as much about them as I do. Look, that guy next to dad is Curt Connors. I went to Oscorp to see if I could find out something about dad or his research from Connors. Then I bumped into this random guy who dropped his papers, and I recognised a symbol from one of the papers on dads desk the day we were brought here. So I kinda followed the guy into a room full of spiders and one of them decided it would be funny to bite me and here we are.” Peter explains gently, jostling you slightly with his shoulder at the end of his explanation in an attempt to make you laugh. He got a small laugh from you and that was enough for him.

“And now you have freaky spider powers?” You say, a slightly teasing tone to your voice.

“And now I have freaky spider powers.” Peter echoes with a laugh. You fall into a comfortable silence before you let out a small gasp.

“I could be your sidekick! I could help you with crimefighting!” You exclaim, your eyes shining with excitement as Peter’s eyes widen.

“No. No, you most definitely can’t.” Peter says, the horror evident on his face at your words.

“Why, don’t you trust me?” You question with a frown, slouching where you were sat and looking away from Peter.

“You know it’s not that. It’s because being Spider-Man is dangerous. You could be in danger just by knowing I’m him. I don’t want you getting hurt. I promised myself that I’d never ever let you get hurt, not on my watch. Besides, I’ve got superpowers and last I checked, you don’t.” Peter explains, wanting to get his point across and hoping you understand where he’s coming from. When you don’t respond and continue looking away, Peter reaches out and quickly pokes you in your side, retracting his hand quickly as you turn around and looking away.

“Peter, what the hell was that for?” You grumble as Peter turns to face you; innocence written all over his face.

“What was what for?” He asks, biting back a smile as you huff under your breath.

“Why did you poke me?” You say pointedly with a glare.

“Me? Poke you? What a rude assumption I would never do anything of the sort.” Peter says dismissively and looks away, sniggering when you reach out to poke him back, his reflexes allowing him to grab your wrist in an instant.

“Cheater.” You say, sticking your tongue out at him as he laughs.

“Got you to look at me though.” Peter grins, watching as you bite your bottom lip to conceal a smile from him. Peter takes the half-smile as an okay to pull you into a hug, he wraps his arms around you, and you mimic his actions, hugging him tightly.

“I just wanna help you.” You mumble, feeling helpless for not being able to assist your brother with his superhero activities.

“I know you do. And you can help me by not helping me. I’ll work so much better out there knowing you’re safe here at home.” Peter replies, poking your side once more, laughing as you jump out of the hug and glare at him despite the smile covering your face.

“But what if you get hurt out there? I could help you.” You insist.

“And risk you getting hurt? I don’t think so.” Peter says, shivering with the thought of every possible thing that could happen to you if you came with him.

“But-”

“Please, just trust me on this. The only thing I’d need you to do while I’m patrolling is just covering for me if May’s home. No trying to come with me. Just staying home and covering for me. Can you do that?” Peter says, interrupting you as his eyes search yours as you sigh heavily.

“Only if you promise to update me during and after your patrols.” You say, holding your hand out in offering.

“Alright, deal.” Peter replies, taking your hand and shaking it with a smile. Just before you can reply, you hear May calling up the stairs for the both of you, wondering where you both are.

“Get changed, I’ll cover for you.” You say with a wink, getting up and unlocking his door, opening the door wide enough so you could squeeze out before closing the door behind you.

Peter stayed true to his word and updated you as often as he could while on patrol and whenever he got back, he would fill you in on what happened between his last message and him getting home. You always stayed up so you could hear these stories, eager to hear what Spider-Man got up to and what criminals he fought that night. Despite this, you still wished that you could help. During the night as you waited for Peter to return from patrol, you started sketching costume ideas for what you’d like if you had Peter’s powers and joined him on patrols. You always hid them, not wanting Peter to find them because you were sure you’d die of embarrassment at him seeing them before he even got the chance to lecture you about wanting to join him on patrols.

One night, you fell asleep while waiting for Peter, exhausted by your long school day, and hanging out with your friends. You had fallen asleep just after finishing a new costume design idea and had left it on your desk instead of tucking it away in a drawer like usual due to how tired you were. Peter climbed through his window, landing quietly in his room so he can change into something comfy before heading to your room.

“y/n/n, I’m back. Some pretty crazy stuff went down since my last text.” Peter says quietly as he opens your door, stopping in the doorway when he sees you curled up on your bed fast asleep. Not wanting to disturb you, Peter goes to turn around and head back to his own room but stops in his tracks when he sees the paper on your desk. Curiosity got the better of him as he reached out and gently grabbed the paper and held it in the light of the hallway. He couldn’t stop the smile that covered his face at the sight of the messy sketch. You weren’t an artist by any means, but it was clear enough of what you were drawing. Peter brought the sketch back into his room and decided to do something for you. Peter sat down at his desk and opened one of his spare notebooks, grabbing a pencil and setting your sketch down beside it as reference. Not many people knew this about Peter, but he liked to draw, he never did it often and never in front of other people. Usually, he’d just doodle things in the margins of schoolwork or in notebooks so trying to draw and do justice to your ideas was what felt like a mammoth task for Peter, after all, he never took art classes he just drew as a hobby. He sketched out your outfit idea, making sure it matched your own drawing and added colour. He took his time with it, wanting to make sure it was perfect. When he was satisfied with his drawing of your costume, he decided to be a little big-headed and add Spider-Man into the picture and when he was done, he scribbled a couple of words in the corner before smiling to himself, satisfied with his work. He then returns to your room, placing both his and your drawings on the desk, and sent a small smile in the direction of your sleeping form.

“Sleep well, y/n/n.” He whispers gently before closing your door and heading back to his own room to get some sleep.

When you woke up the next morning, you stretched and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You looked around your room and noticed two pieces of paper on your desk and you were confused, only remembering having placed one piece of paper there the night before. You cross to your desk, picking them up, one of them was your own sketch of your costume design and the other was an entirely new drawing, one that depicted your ideas alongside Spider-Man that had a smile covering your face as your eyes flicked to the words written in the corner.

‘Spider-Man has a cool sidekick, but I’ll let you in on a secret. Peter Parker has an even cooler one because no superhero alter ego could be cooler than y/n Parker.’

#justabigassnerd #peter parker #peter parker x reader #spiderman #peter parker x you #tasm peter parker #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker x you #tasm peter x reader #the amazing spider man #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!peter parker #tasm peter parker x sister!reader #x sister!reader #peter parker x sister!reader #andrew!spiderman #andrew!peter parker #andrew!peter x reader

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originalgenshinscenarios · 2 years

Note

hello its me again!! i really love the way you wrote my previous request <3 if its okay to request again, may i request an enemies to lovers prompt or rivals to lovers prompt with jean, eula, beidou and ningguang? i love this prompt sm 🥺 you can just choose any of these four or if you want to add more characters !! <3 thank you :]

Woah I have a lot of ladies in my inbox! That's kinda funny considering that I always see blogs write for guys and bearly get any requests with girls.

Jean, Eula, Beidou and Ningguang rivals to lovers trope with their S/O

Reader here is gender neutral

Jean

Ah you remember the old days when she was just starting gathering her reputation as a knight. You were always trying to do better than her.

Your rivalry was very one sided too. Jean was just too nice to notice any of that. Even if she could feel that you did have a bit of a grudge against her, she never knew why was that.

But working with you was always efficient. To be honest she was anxious about letting you down whenever you worked together.

Still in the end she gained the title of acting Grandmaster and not you. It hurt and you were jealous, although deep down you admit that she deserved it more.

Ever since she gained that title you decided to calm down a little with always trying to do better than her... And that's how your feelings started.

You helped her more than anyone else. You supported her and made sure she's resting well. Honestly you didn't even realize that your heart was starting to skip a beat when she smiled at you.

She didn't either, and for some people it was "painful" to watch the two of you be so oblivious.

Once you felt that strong urge to prove that you were better than her, today you want to protect her smile and never let her down.

Jean was happy that you finally get along. She doesn't feel your piercing stares nor does she find you hard to talk to.

After a while you decided to be bold and asked her out on a date. You weren't fully sure of your feelings... But hey if you won't try you won't ever know.

The date was awkward but in a wholesome way. So you started meeting up more often whenever she and you were free (which isn't a lot but it's better than no alone time).

And before you know it you got the honor of calling her your girlfriend.

Eula

Being her rival was truly something I'll tell you that. Even as a fellow knight you were on the top of her vengeance list.

You took her victories and that was unacceptable.

The tense atmosphere between you was something to live for... She was always so full of grac- I mean... So full of herself!

She thought you were just another of those fools that dislike her purely because of her bloodline. You assumed a lot of foolishly foolish things so she had no time to waste on you.

But she did waste her time on you whether she wanted to or not. Whatever she did she couldn't avoid you and often ended in a situation where the two of you were alone together.

She thought you were following her... While you thought that she was the one following you.

While that rivalry was fun at the beginning it sure got annoying over all this time.

Although she still was kind under all of her layers and tones. She really cared for your safety, that's why she actually always tagged along. Her (main) motive wasn't taking away your glory.

You on the other hand just wanted to see her shine and get stronger. Not to mention that fighting alongside her was an honor.

She was exhausted with your petty arguments, so she was a bit softer for you. Even though she didn't wanted you to know- she trusted you a lot.

With that in mind she had a small foundation for her feelings. Before you know it- she ever so indirectly asked you out. She admits she rushed into things but she has no time to be doubtful.

While you definitely didn't expect that you couldn't deny that Eula sure was charming. And although your interactions were quite hostile, you did like her.

Perhaps the two of you should work on expressing feelings.

Beidou

There was that capitan of another crew that seemed to try and beat her to her treasures... And of course I'm talking about you.

Your rivalry was awfully friendly. She can appreciate some healthy competition. So while adventuring you were hostile, you always could come down to an agreement with a good drink with your good buddies.

You did annoy her slightly though, so don't you even think you charmed her yet.

As long as you weren't disrespectful to her crew you weren't someone she'd hate... But your rivalry did kinda paint you in less pleasant to be around light.

Sometimes she'd wonder how would something go if you joined forces just as a one time thing, so that's what she asked of you.

You were curious about it yourself so you agreed without thinking it through. You aren't kids so you didn't argue about who'll lead the expedition- you were co-leading.

And the whole thing working out only proved how well the two of you communicate and understand each other.

So most of her distaste for you disappeared. That little adventure did bring you closer but not close enough for her to like you in that way.

But most of the reason why she ended up feeling so was tied to it in one way or another.

It became easier talking to you and she did allow herself to be the full Beidou, once you allowed yourself to be full Y/N.

You ended up not having any secrets from each other, and if they were any they weren't something you wouldn't speak up about once the topic was brought up.

The mutual trust and respect combined with how close you got over recent time transformed into mutual feelings.

Ningguang

Although she was a business genius you weren't far behind. You were just as respected and you did agree in many situations. But you were rivals all the same.

So of course the market was a chase for you two. While it was a tough battle it only made things interesting.

Once you saw people invest in the opportunity to have a lunch with her you thought that tactic was kind of cheap. But you were curious and decided to go with that investment.

You never really talked to her outside of business and this could be your opportunity.

Nobody even dared to go against you either, so you didn't spend as much mora as other people.

Rumors started to go around but you didn't care as much. Theories of your motives were exaggerated but they weren't that far from the truth.

You wanted to get to know her. Not because you were interested in her romantically but more interested in her as a person.

You ended up having a lot in common, unless she was acting just so you get your money's worth.

Of course you only talked about something formal at first but you managed to switch the topic around so that you were able to warm up to each other.

She knew that you weren't after any advice of course, so she did suspect you just wanted an opportunity to talk alone without anyone butting in.

To be honest she did enjoy the time you spent together. Maybe she even enjoyed it more than the mora she got from it.

You two were awfully busy all the time, but you still had the time to have a short conversations and not let yourselves to be strangers anymore.

What you weren't expecting was that your feelings slowly started to bloom. You acted accordingly and as always you only made the right calls at the right time.

When you noticed her flirt back and make the efforts two you decided to make it official... But you also didn't say it to everyone around you.

After all your relationship is none of the public's business.

~Mod Lisa

#jean gunnhildr #jean x reader #jean gi #gi jean #eula lawrence #Eula x reader #Eula gi #Gi Eula #gi beidou #beidou gi #Beidou x reader #ningguang #ningguang gi #gi ningguang #ningguang x reader

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jjheejz · 3 years

Text

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well.

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them.

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps).

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news.

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here