#I fucking hope they don't smell like a cheap scented candle

[saintveil]

Hands Like A Devil (Remember My Misery, Part 4)

Lorna Shore, Tallah

Will Ramos/Justin Bonitz

Warnings: Self-harm, General Drunkenness, Vomiting

Will was home now. Justin promised he would call hours ago, but he couldn't bring himself to. Instead, he sat in his dark apartment while Max paced the room, not holding any anger back verbally. Justin rested his back against the wall, watching as Max moved, but not listening to a word he said.

The room smelled of blood, cheap alcohol and whatever red candle Max was holding. Justin was too drunk to know, or care. He had turned to drinking for comfort again. It must have shown in the way he was texting Max, because the drummer didn't believe him when he denied it. If Justin was being honest, he was right not to. Max suddenly stopped, pointing the candle at Justin in an attempt to see his face in darkness.

"You're not even listening are you?" Max said.

Justin didn't respond, earning an exasperated sigh from Max. He sat down next to Justin, putting the candle on the floor between them and giving him a light tap on the knee.

"We're worried about you, man. The path to self-destruction is a short one. You gotta turn back while you can." Max said, trying his best to be patient with his friend.

"Get that goddamn candle away from me." Was all Justin said.

"Yeah, I probably should. You're so drunk you might catch fire near an open flame." Max replied.

"Do you have to be such a dick?"

"Do you have to keep putting yourself in danger, and refusing all help offered?"

The silence afterwards was thick, and suffocating. It was awkward for them both. Suddenly, Justin's phone began ringing from the kitchen for the third time that evening.

"I don't know who the fuck keeps calling, but it sounds important." Max said, growing impatient.

"It's Will." Justin replied.

"And you're ignoring him?" Max said, angry once again.

Ever since Will and Justin had started dating, the other members of Tallah had all taken care of Will. He had met them only because he was dating their vocalist, but soon enough he had become part of the family. He was gentle, and sweet. Justin was a loose cannon. They knew that, and tried to protect Will.

"I'm texting him and telling him you're okay, and we're hanging out. He doesn't need to know you're drunk and ignoring him." Max said, unlocking his phone.

Justin put his hands over his eyes, trying to block the light radiating from the screen. His hands still smelled like blood. Max hadn't noticed in the dark, and the scent wasn't yet distinctive to him. Justin hoped it never would be. He knew he'd feel this in the morning. It felt like nothing now. It just felt wet, and a little gross as the blood dripped down his sleeves. But he ignored it, focusing more on the sound of Max typing.

He missed Will. More than he was caring to admit. But Max had been right, that knowledge wouldn't be good for him. His letter was sitting next to Justin. Will had forgotten to give it to him, but he'd know Will's handwriting anywhere. He had read it obsessively, again and again for hours. He hated himself for getting blood on it. Will had worked hard on something so beautiful, and sweet, and Justin had ruined it. He was only trying to hurt himself, the fruits of Will's labor was only collateral. 'Fitting.' He thought to himself. Finally, Max spoke up.

"He's not responding to me. I love you man, and you're my best friend, but if you hurt him I'll kill you." Max said.

"Oh no, I wouldn't want that." Justin laughed sarcastically.

Max blew out the candle and stood up, offering Justin a hand.

"Where are we going?" Justin asked.

"We're walking to the nearest church. It's only a few miles away. The walk should help you. If you're not at least halfway sober, and forming coherent thoughts by then, we'll walk to the next one. You're lucky they're everywhere in this fucking town." Max said, helping Justin off the ground.

Max held onto his arm as he fumbled to get his shoes on. He was exhausted, drunk, and missing a lot of blood. In fact, he was still bleeding. But he'd live, or at the very least, survive. He shoved Will's bloody letter in his pocket, just in case he didn't.

When he was ready, Max yanked him out the door. Justin was lucky he lived on the bottom floor, considering he could barely walk down stairs sober. The street lights glowed a golden color as they walked through the parking lot. It was raining hard on them, adding to Justin's discomfort. Max didn't like it either, but he would endure it to help his best friend.

°•°•°

They had stopped on the side of the road. Justin was on his knees, throwing up in somebody's yard. Rain poured on his back heavily. Max waited patiently, keeping a steady hand on Justin's back.

"That's it... get it all up, we've got a long walk ahead of us." He soothed.

But it didn't help. The only thing that could help in that moment was Will. His desperate, clingy tendencies were stronger than his pride.

"Has Will responded yet?" Justin managed to choke out.

"I don't know, but I can check." Max said calmly.

Waiting for Max to unlock his phone and open his messages felt like eternity as he threw up. He could hear dogs barking in the distance. He was aware of all his surroundings at this point, waiting.

" 'I hope you guys have fun. Give him my love when you get the chance.' " Max read aloud. "That's the last message I've received from him. If he's sent anything else, it was after we left an area with signal."

Justin felt relief wash over him. Will still loved him, and he didn't know about the situation he was in at the moment.

"What's the point of this walk, again?" Justin asked, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Ew, remind me not to touch your arm. It's to get you sober, and thinking clearly. Besides, maybe you'll think about how other people feel after this." Max replied, smirking.

"Fuck you. Let's go." Justin said, climbing off his sore knees, and continuing into the dark.

His legs were weak, and his wrists crusty with dried blood. His sleeves were sticky and he felt close to passing out. But he pushed on.

Tears stung his eyes as he kept thinking about Will. He was so beautiful, and sweet. He didn't deserve this pain. It wasn't his fault Justin had these problems. It wasn't his fault Justin was addicted to pain, and blood, and struggled to get by without it. Will shouldn't have to take the pain that came with loving him.

He cried at the thought of Will alone, and neglected. Max rubbed his back as they walked, but it didn't help as much as he hoped.

°•°•°

The sun was beginning to rise when the church came into view. It was getting hard to keep his eyes open. His legs wanted to give out on him. They had twice already. Max had given him a minute or two both times, before helping him off the ground. Justin kept pushing himself. He was so close. Just a little bit farther.

The sun was giving him a headache already and it wasn't even fully up yet. His breathing was getting heavy as they approached, and sweat and rain soaked his shirt. His whole body ached. Max seemed to be fine, aside from a little bit of sweat. Then again, he wasn't drunk and bleeding when they started this journey. When they reached the parking lot, they sat together under a tree.

"You did great. How are you feeling?" Max asked.

"Thanks, I feel like shit."

#lorna shore #will ramos #tallah band #tallah #justin bonitz #hungry lights

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 14 May ‘21

Tickets went on general sale for most of the new and larger Louis shows today, and disappeared just as quickly; most new dates, including the Wembley Arena show, sold out in minutes. Fans celebrated his success, but also begged for added/ even bigger shows as eager buyers everywhere were unable to get their hands on any tickets at all, with even Twitter (the platform itself) getting emotional and adding a sobbing emoji to the explanation of why he was trending; “louies around the world try to get their hands on a ticket for Louis Tomlinson’s rescheduled world tour, much of which is sold out.” It sure is! Italian and LATAM fans shared screenshots of the numbers of people queued ahead of them on sales sites and pointed out those numbers were enough to fill stadiums rather than just arenas; IDK if those site numbers are real, but with pretty much every tour show sold out it’s clear he can add more and sell those just fine too. There are a few gaps left in the dates and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some were left on purpose to allow them to add more dates later. His website has been updated with not only lots of new tour info, but also finally got rid of the lingering mentions of Sony entirely, nice.

The usually quiet Zayn is continuing to use his platform to be loud about the situation in Palestine: “I stand with the Palestinian people” he wrote, “My heart aches for the families who have lost loved ones. We can not stand as silent witnesses to children being orphaned and murdered and not demand for the human rights of all Palestinians! This must end. Free Palestine.” YES ZAYN!

Politically speaking I’m much less thrilled by a man in a cop uniform but as a fan there’s no question that Harry in full uniform doing high kicks and dancing around on set is QUALITY CONTENT! Filming filming filming, all day every day: today scenes with both Emma and David and featuring the police box where characters Tom and Patrick meet to snog, plus a scene that made book readers cry just to see it being filmed, two (2) cupcakes in one (1) out of character Harry hand, and video from yesterday of Harry just being his own ridiculous self yelling out the window of his of his ride at an outdoor workout class, omg. “Squat squat squat!” Harold WHY. He is in high spirits and good form these days it seems, which I can appreciate almost as much as the deeply Tumblr™ weirdness of my timeline being filled with pictures of Harry Styles ducking in and out of a Tardis for canoodling with his pretend boyfriend which are, bizarrely, not manips.

Meanwhile Niall was like “tell you that I’m promoting a new song without really promoting the new song? On it”, and sort of hinted vaguely about the upcoming collab; Anne Marie took the lead for today with a more active approach to getting it out there with a morning show appearance and a playlist ft Niall.

And today in ‘chain stores can see where the money is and they want it’, Target is running with their (supposedly) Harry and Louis scented candles and letting people know that’s a thing, and the second installment in Urban Outfitter’s limited 1D vinyls dropped today, a white vinyl 2xLP edition of Take Me Home; the first three albums never came out on vinyl originally and the others have been out of print for years so these have been a huge hit. Still not available in most regions until jacked up resales go live though, sorry :(

#Louis Tomlinson #Harry Styles #Zayn #Niall Horan #note that Louis’ show is not at Wembley * stadium* which would be frankly nutso but it is still #-like all the added shows- a big ass venue and 4-5x bigger than the ones he sold when this tour was booked #Four and MITAM came out on vinyl but just the short version without alllll the songs #and honestly what is the point of having vinyl of MITAM if I can’t play A.M. all analog and romantic sounding HUH??? #it just makes me mad is what it does #what I would truly sell a kidney for is a Home special issue… but that’s never gonna happen #my policeman spoilers #my policeman filming #anne marie #stinky boy flavored candles #I fucking hope they don't smell like a cheap scented candle #gross #Free Palestine #cupcakes #harry is a cupcake #14 may 21 #lt tour #see ya sony