#I guess it doesn’t really matter since it’s been 12 years and all

[nebulablakemurphy]

Moves & Countermoves (Part 19)

Summary: No one ever wins the games, even fourteen years later, Y/N is still playing. Trigger warning: discussions of trauma surrounding ‘desirable’ victors.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18

“Tell me about the stairs,” Dr. Aurelius says.

Y/N stares at him blankly, the stairs.

He waits a moment, tapping his pen to paper. “At the request of your husband, you will be issued a nightlock pill, to use in the event that you are captured.”

Y/N nods. One of the stipulations to Haymitch agreeing to her deployment, on this mission to rescue Peeta.

‘Show me you can reach it with your mouth.’ He tested the accessibility of her suit’s pill pocket, rigorously. ‘Show me you can still reach it with your hands behind your back.’

It isn’t something he wants her to use, but knowing that whatever Snow has planned for her would make Peeta’s captivity look like child’s play…

“By President Coin’s orders, I cannot release this… medication unless you are of sound mind.”

“You have reason to believe I’m not?” Y/N asks.

“One of your former guards told me you asked if anyone had ever jumped from the elevator.” Aurelius purses his lips.

“It was one time!” Y/N waves a hand, “and it was a joke.”

“You have a dark sense of humor.”

“You would too.”

The therapist affords her a soft smile, “you may be right. Even still, you are my patient. I need to act in your best interest. So please, tell me what happened on the stairs.”

Y/N takes a deep breath, “it’s kind of a blur. Everyone was pushing, yelling, especially after the upper levels were damaged and the rain started coming down.”

“How did you feel?”

“I felt…worried, I guess.”

“In what way?”

“About Haymitch, Madge and the kids. Worried about what was happening to Peeta. Worried about getting Katniss into the bunker.”

He jots this down.

“That was a normal response.” Y/N snaps.

“Very much so,” the doctor agrees, “not every note I make is a bad one.”

Y/N crosses her arms.

“Did you worry for yourself? Your own safety?”

You’re supposed to say yes.

“There is no right answer, Y/N.”

“There’s an answer that gets me to Peeta and one that doesn’t.”

“True,” he shrugs, “but I trust you not to lie.”

“You shouldn’t.” Y/N narrows her eyes. “I’m a good liar, I’ve been doing it since I was fifteen.”

“How do you feel about death? Is it something you long for, or run from?”

“If I die, my kids lose their mother, my husband loses his wife, my sister loses her sister. The list goes on. So it really doesn’t matter how I feel about death. All I know is that I cannot die.”

“Yet you think you could bite down on this pill?” He presents the dark purple capsule.

“As a last resort. If I have fought tooth and nail and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can’t get free? I could.” Y/N decides.

Dr. Aurelius nods, holding the nightlock out to her. “Best of luck.”

————————————————————————

Haymitch curses Katniss’ name, as he shuffles through the crawl space she’s gone to hide in, after refusing to make the propo saying thirteen survived Snow’s attack.

Have kids, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Though none of his biological children have forced him to squeeze in such a tight space, parenthood is not for the faint of heart.

He plops down beside her with a sigh, “so this is the end, huh? I guess we’re just gonna hide down here forever.”

“I can’t be the mockingjay,” Katniss chokes out.

“Not the mockingjay,” Haymitch tosses a bit of hair away from her face, “just Katniss.”

She blinks at him, warily.

“Look, I know I’m not good at this pep talk stuff. That’s Y/N’s department.”

“She doesn’t want to see me,” Katniss understands.

“She spent the morning getting cleared by her shrink.”

“Cleared for what?”

“They’re going to rescue Peeta.” Haymitch tells her.

“What?”

“The dam went down in district five, took out most of the power to the Capitol. Knocked out their signal defense, Beetee’s inside their system, reeking all kinds of havoc. The window is open to us, for how much longer? I don’t know, I guess until the Capitol can get the power back on.” Haymitch explains.

“And Coin?”

“I can never fully support that woman. But Plutarch got word that Peeta and the others are in the tribute center. With the power out, Coin sees this as an opportunity. She knows that Peeta is the Capitol’s weapon, the same way you’re ours. And as opposed to having you two pointing at each other, she’s going to get him.”

“I have to go help them.” Katniss springs to life.

“Woah, hey,” Haymitch reaches out a hand to stop her. “What’re you just gonna jump out of the vent and go storm the Capitol? Besides it’s already underway. Six soldiers went in, volunteer only. Y/N, Gale, Boggs and three others.”

“You just let her go?” Katniss frowns.

Haymitch admits, “she’s not the type of person you ‘let’ do things. But you know how that is, sweetheart. Between the two of you,” he lets out a low whistle, “I’m exhausted.”

————————————————————————

Madge breaks her dinner roll in half. Splitting it between Everest and Arista, the same way she’s watched Y/N and Haymitch do since they got here. Making sure little bellies are full, before their own.

Pollux approaches, motioning to the seat across from Madge, at the metal mess hall table. He sets down his tray and pulls out his note pad, to jot a message down. “Is this seat taken?”

“No,” Madge greets him, “please, sit.”

“Hi, I’m Pollux. You’re Y/N’s sister, right?”

Madge nods.

“She keeps your picture in her pocket.” Pollux smiles. “And them.” He points to the oldest children.

Everest’s eyes scan the page. “Our mom told us about you. What happened to you in the Capitol…I’m really sorry.”

“Honey,” Madge runs a hand over his hair.

“Thank you, Everest. It’s nice to meet you. Your mom talks about you all the time, she is so proud.” Pollux turns the page quickly, for more room. “Arista and Daisy too, of course. Your mom loves you all very much.”

With that the children turn back to their meals.

Madge smiles, stabbing at her food with one hand, while patting the baby in the sling. The tray moves and Pollux holds out a hand to stabilize it. “Oh, thank you. It’s ok though, you eat.”

He draws the hand back, long enough to scribble, “I’d offer to hold the baby instead, but I don’t think we’re there yet.”

Madge laughs, “funny.”

“It’s really no trouble.”

Madge shrugs, as he grips the edge of her tray, loosely. Managing his own dinner just fine.

Cressida calls him away, after a while, for Finnick’s live propo, to help jam the Capitol’s airwaves.

“I’ll see you around.”

“I’ll see you.”

————————————————————————

“This is Finnick Odair, winner of the sixty-fifth Hunger Games, coming to you from district thirteen, alive and well. We survived an attack by the Capitol, but I’m not here to give you recent news.”

“Why is Finnick doing a propo?” Katniss wonders, watching the split screen of the control room. The large, right panel is an image of Finnick. Just outside the rubble, where they asked her to film earlier, the sun has set and the lights are trained on him. The left hand side is home to six smaller panels, with the soldier’s helmet cam footage.

“It’s a lot more than that,” Haymitch informs her.

“Beetee’s commandeered the system,” Coin says, proudly.

“They’re down to generator power, so there’s a more limited range of frequencies available to them. I’m filling them all up with Y/N and Finnick. It looks like they’re both live.” Beetee assures Katniss.

“Snow will think she’s still here?” That’s brilliant.

“Not many will see it, but those who do will assume they’re just propos.”

“What they don’t know is that these broadcasts are jamming their entire system with noise. Early defense warnings, internal communications, everything. As long as one or both of the broadcasts are going through, our team should be able to get in and out without being detected.” Beetee assures her.

“You can survive the arena, but the moment you leave, you’re a slave.” Finnick narrates. “President Snow used to sell me, or my body, at least.”

“Mockingjay one, you are twenty seconds from perimeter defense.”

“I wasn’t the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the president gives them as a reward, or allows people to buy them. If you refuse, he kills someone you love.” Finnick presses on, looking straight at camera.

“Ten seconds.” The hovercraft pilot begins counting down. “Nine, eight, seven, six.”

“Just because a victor is married doesn’t mean they’re safe.”

“Five, four, three…”

“The Capitol’s more generous patrons paid dearly to watch the wedding night, even more to witness the conception of the most beloved children in Panem.”

“Two, one.”

Katniss freezes, surely he doesn’t mean- it couldn’t be. The dress, that stupid dress they crammed her in. Why it upset Y/N so badly. Snow was taunting her.

“No response from perimeter defense, we’re inside Capitol airspace.”

“Yes,” Beetee rejoices.

Haymitch is watching the smaller screen, his jaw tense, doing his best to ignore the eyes that fall on him. Twisting his wedding band around and around. It doesn’t matter what secrets Finnick reveals, so long as he keeps jamming the signal. Keep Y/N safe.

“To make themselves feel better, patrons will offer presents of money or jewelry. But I found secrets to be a much more valuable form of payment.”

“Gear up,” Boggs orders the soldiers on the hovercraft. They are just seconds away from the tribute center. “Masks on.”

Their lenses are tinted for night vision, the red light inside makes Y/N’s heartbeat faster.

“Open the door.” Boggs says, his voice echoing through her headset. “Command, this is team leader, preparing to deploy gas. We will confirm once inside.”

“Such a young man when he rose to power, such a clever one to keep it. How, you may ask, did he do it?” Finnick is captivating, well spoken.

Katniss is hanging off every word.

“One word, poison.”

The timer for the gas grenadines finishes, on Bogg’s stop watch, “get ready to drop.”

Y/N secures her harness to the wire, giving it a firm tug. Descending through the open loading dock, releasing the wires as they reach ground.

“Clear.” Boggs, informs the team. “We’re inside, headed for target number one. Cell B forty-five, lower level two C.”

“So many deaths to well known adversaries, even allies who were deemed as threats.”

It’s dizzying, giving equal attention to Finnick’s message and the feed from inside the tribute center.

Haymitch is glued to that screen, her screen. Like he wants to reach through and bring her back with him.

Once Peeta’s holding cell is gassed, they are cleared to enter.

“Snow would drink from the same cup, to deflect suspicion. But antidotes don’t always work, which is why he wears roses that reek of perfume. To help cover the scent of sores, in his mouth, that will never heal.”

Poison, Katniss shakes her head to clear it. He’s still talking about poison.

Inside the room is a lab, full of jars, experiments. Cages. Medical equipment, some with blood still visible.

“What the fuck?” Y/N whispers, reaching out to try and make sense of it.

“Abernathy, on me.” Boggs warns, they need to stay focused.

“What is this place?” Gale asks, venturing deeper.

Their screens lights up, all of them at once. Too bright to see.

“Ahh.”

There is a collective hiss, from those in the tribute center. The power’s back on.

“Beetee?” Katniss has a hand flat against her belly, where the worry eats her alive.

“Ma’am, the Capitol air defense is rebooting. It’s coming back online.”

“They must be diverting power from another source, filtering transmissions. Another sixty seconds and we’ll be cut off.” Beetee scowls, typing furiously at the control panel.

“Get them outta there,” Haymitch demands.

“Madame President, should we call back the hovercraft?”

“Broadcast me,” Katniss decides, “if Snow’s watching this, maybe he’ll let the signal in, if he sees me. Put me on the air so he can see me.”

“Yes,” Plutarch snaps a finger. “Yes.”

“Put her on,” Coin agrees.

“Can we still do this?” Haymitch’s hands are shaking as he positions the camera in front of her. “Can we still get in?” Can we still save her?

“Yes, for the moment,” Beetee replies. “The line’s open, he will only see you.”

“Ok, Katniss,” Haymitch steps away. “Go.”

“President Snow.” Katniss says, “President Snow, it’s Katniss.”

The static continues to crackle. No more Finnick, no more footage from the tribute center. Just her.

“President Snow, can you hear me?” Katniss repeats, hoping for a miracle. “I need to speak with you, are you there? President Snow.”

“Miss Everdeen,” his voice is distorted for a moment, until the signal hones in. “What an honor. I don’t imagine you’re calling to thank me for the roses.”

“I never asked for this. I never asked to be in the games.” Katniss reminds him. “I just wanted to save my sister and keep Peeta alive. Let him go and I will stop being the mockingjay. I will disappear and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“You couldn’t run from this anymore than you could’ve run from the games.”

“Please, you’ve won.” Katniss says, “release Peeta and take me instead.”

Snow shakes his head with a smirk. “We are long past the opportunity for noble sacrifice.”

“Then tell me what to do, I’ve always kept my promises. Haven’t I?”

“You said you didn’t want a war, and that’s just what happened. I told you what a fragile thing peace was and still, like a child, you took pleasure in breaking it. I know what you are, I know you can’t see past your narrowest concerns. But please, Miss Everdeen, I doubt you know what honesty is anymore.”

“You asked me to convince you that I was in love with Peeta,” Katniss challenges. “Haven’t I at least done that?”

Snow takes great pleasure in what he’s about to say, it’s written all over his twisted features. “It’s the things we love most that destroy us. I want you to remember I said that.” He pauses. “Don’t you think I know Y/N and your friends are in the tribute center?”

Katniss feels the floor fall out from under her.

“Cut them off.” Snow says, turning away from the screen. It returns to the static hum of nothing.

They had comms back, but now Beetee’s lost them again.

“What happened?” Katniss sobs.

“Boggs, do you read me? Boggs, come in.”

“He knows they’re in there,” Katniss calls to Haymitch. “It’s a trap.”

“Katniss, calm down.” Haymitch whispers.

“We have to get ahold of them, tell them to get out. He knows.”

“There’s no signal, we can’t contact them,” Plutarch sighs.

“No, Haymitch.” Katniss crumbles, “he knew the whole time, he was taunting me! No, Haymitch-”

“No, no, we don’t know that.” Haymitch hushes her, because he has to be strong. He has to be steady, even with his world falling to pieces.

“Did I lose them all tonight? Did I lose them all?”

Haymitch pulls her into a hug. “Shhh,” he smooths down her dark waves, the same way he would his other daughters.

She holds fast, allowing him to comfort her. “Did I lose them?” The cry is muffled against his shoulder.

“Shh,” he sways them, gently.

“No, no.”

“Katniss,” Haymitch breathes, “listen to me. I need you to listen.”

She nods, unable to calm her erratic breathing.

“If Y/N died, I would feel it. I would feel it in my heart, if she was gone and I don’t. If she’s alive, Peeta is alive, Gale is alive. All we have to do is wait.”

————————————————————————

“Systems are back online.” The pilot informs them.

There’s nothing they can do. Communication with thirteen is shut down, no way to get through to Beetee. They’ll either shoot them out of the sky or they won’t. The only way out is through.

Y/N doesn’t mean to, but she holds her breath. Waiting until they clear Capitol airspace to resume a normal pattern.

Of the five other soldiers on this rescue mission, there is one medic. She begins tending Annie, Johanna and Peeta in turn. Starting IV fluids, as they are all dehydrated; unconscious from the gas.

Annie looks like herself, maybe a bit gaunt, but recognizable. Peeta is thin, so thin and covered in bruises. Johanna’s head has been shaved, cheeks hollow and ribs showing. Y/N tosses off her helmet, running both hands over her face.

“Soldier.” Boggs puts a hand to her shoulder. “You did good. We accomplished our goal. Now we can all go home.”

Y/N nods, blinking away tears.

“Take a breather, there’s a separate compartment through there,” he motions to the rear doors. “He’ll need you when he comes to.”

Peeta does not wake for some time, beginning to struggle at his bindings. No, he realizes, it’s not a binding that holds him. It’s a hand. Just one wrapped loosely around his.

It feels familiar, soft. Someone he knew once, it smells of artificial air. She is warm, the space around her is warm, gentle and kind. A second hand strokes his hair, the way he once wished his mother would.

His eyelids begin to flutter open, daring to reveal that he is conscious. If he’s wrong…if it’s not her and they’ve tricked him again, it will be his own fault.

“Peeta,” Y/N says, staring down at him.

He blinks up at her, in the too bright light. His breathing heavy as she tries to move away, to give him space, but he holds her. Squeezing her fingers.

“Peeta, do you know who I am?”

His throat is sore, voice hoarse, from screaming. “Y-yes.”

“Good,” Y/N smiles.

“Where am I?”

“We’re in a hovercraft, on the way to district thirteen.”

Peeta studies her face. There was something…something is missing, something’s wrong. “What happened to the baby?”

“She’s fine.” Y/N assures him. “Keeping her siblings and Haymitch company.”

“You’re all ok?”

Y/N nods, “yeah, honey, we’re all ok. Now we focus on getting you healthy. Ok?”

He doesn’t flee from her touch, only the occasional flinch when he forgets where he is, until she reminds him that he is safe. “You came back for me.”

“Of course I did.”

Y/N leaves him briefly, with the doctors, upon arrival in thirteen. She needs to find Haymitch, tell him she’s ok. And she is running, searching, colliding into him, with such force that they are both sent off balance.

Down to the floor, the dirty, cold floor. But no place has ever felt better. To hold him, for him to hold her and inhale the scent at the crook of his neck.

“Never again.” He pleads, massaging the back of her scalp, like he does when she’s falling asleep. “Never do that to me again.”

“I’m sorry, Haymitch.” She nuzzles the delicate skin of his throat.

“Don’t make me live in a world where you don’t exist.”

‘All I know is that I cannot die.’

Part 20

Series Taglist: @praline357 @flowercrowns-goodvibes @justheretoparty420 @avocadotoastwithegg @treehouse-mouse @emo-markie @spilled-mi1k @magical-spit @greaser9902 @jessicamellarky @yourebuckingkiddingme @smuha2004 @sendhelplease @ninimackbrews @wittiestrain184 @r1dd1kulus @erenluvr69 @helpimhyperfixating @jackierose902109 @jellybear455 @dreammgc @dadbodfanatic-x @ftdtcmlovr @inky-sun @ms-brek-ker @undercover55655 @mischiefmanaged21 @avoxrising @koiphisch @drwho-ess @daisydaisybilly

#moves & countermoves #haymitch abernathy fanfic #haymitch abernathy x reader #haymitch abernathy #haymitch abernathy x y/n #haymitch x reader #haymitch abernathy x you #haymitch fanfic #haymitch x y/n #thg haymitch #haymitch abernathy x yn #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark

[taestefully-in-luv]

Love Again | PJM (Thirteen)

Summary: A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?

Pairing: Jimin x Female reader

Genre: exes au, exes to ???, fluff, angst, smut

Word Count: 18k

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, feelings of rejection, confrontation, mentions of sex, feelings everywhere, mention of pot brownie, very drunk reader,  accidental misunderstandings about possible suicide (but its not), cliches, classic miscommunication, some jealousy. 

Notes: im so sorry its taken so long! I am back from vacation now:] enjoy a long chapter to make up for it!  I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Love hearing from you guys<3  Send an ask if you want to be added to a tag list or just want to chat:) 

Previously on…in chapter 12 of Love again, you realize you and your friends have been getting busy—minus Taehyung…you and Jimin decide the night you shared was a one time thing, until it wasn’t. Hoseok and Dae. Naomi and Jeremy. It’s all a mess. Hoseok knows all the truths about Jimin now after Jimin confided in him. You tried to talk to Namjoon but failed. And now Jimin is telling you things that start making you question ‘feelings’. 

© Taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What…what do you mean by that?” You ask Jimin as directly as you can muster, though your voice still sounds softer than you intend. He looks at you, brows slightly furrowed as he silently questions if you are really not understanding. 

Jimin finally tears his eyes from you, “I’ve had an interesting week,” He sighs, suddenly seeming more detached. “I was quick to want to talk to you about it because…well,” His eyes rise to your face again, “That’s what we’ve always done. But this isn’t the past. I’ve always told you all my thoughts and feelings as they were happening because it was easy with you—because I was yours. But I’m not yours.” He pauses, eyes lingering as he waits for you to say something. He’s not necessarily looking for a retort to his statement but…

“Anyway, you’re not mine either.” His gaze falls again, “Work things out with Namjoon, I guess. I still stand by what I’ve said. Your reasons feel…I guess it doesn’t matter. Since you’ve already decided, huh?”

You can’t really focus on Jimin’s face. Your eyes roam around the bar, your entire body feeling on edge as you try to create some sort of response. You aren’t sure what words to pull from thin air, good ones, bad ones, neutral ones. You aren’t sure what words are even considered good or bad. Hell, even neutral. 

Hoseok’s right though…you aren’t this dumb. You know deep down you have already pieced this together yet you continue to ask Jimin to clarify. Probably your own insecurities coming back to haunt you time and time again. You continue to look away from him, still debating in your mind how to go about this. He wanted to talk to you after discussing thing’s with Hoseok…your best friend even said there’s more Jimin needs to say. Jimin admitted he has selfish reasons for not wanting you to be with Namjoon and on top of everything, he told you he knows exactly what sex meant with you.

The sex you two shared is something he told you is rare—but what exactly did it mean to him? You can assume all day but your heart that guards itself, your heart that still drowns in a pool of fears, your heart that once belonged to him…is afraid and needing a clear answer. 

You bring yourself to take a deep breath and look at him again. You see he is already looking at you, his eyes studying you like he’s trying to rack your brain for your thoughts. There’s an uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding the two of you, air heavy with looming nightmares. Both scared and both hopeful—at least, you think.

“Jimin.” You say his name as you’ve always have but a hint of caution can be heard. 

“Yeah?” He swallows hard, heart thumping in nerves. 

“Do you…” You gaze at him carefully, unaware of how your pausing is making him lose his mind. “Do you still…” You pause again, once again careful as you approach this…Jimin swallowing once more but this time instead of spit it almost tastes like puke. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

No sudden wide eyes, no sudden lips parting in shock…instead you see the expression of a man who is experiencing something close to relief, like he’s been wanting you to ask this question. But then he’s trying to understand your question more and more…processing each and every word. 

“Still?” He asks, appearing almost thoughtful before he’s slightly shaking his head and looking into your eyes more seriously. And then you see the expression of a man who has come to his final conclusion and you see the heart of a man who lacks contrition. “No.”

~~~

Well, that scene from last night keeps playing over and over in your messy mind. You sit here on your sofa, staring at your black screen TV, eyes going in and out of focus as the scene starts over again—

“What…what do you mean by that?” You ask Jimin as directly as you can must—Well, you get it. 

It plays again and you wonder in this messy mind of yours where it all went wrong. You let yourself have a little confidence in what you thought you knew but you were so fucking wrong. You thought…shit, you were so sure that’s where everything was going—that’s what was adding up. Your gut told you he still had feelings for you and you decided to trust it…and wow, what a mistake that was.

Maybe you should have waited for an explanation of sorts, Jimin’s mouth opened again like he was about to tell you something and his eyes screamed that it was important but you never got around to it, your own reaction to his ‘no’ became overwhelming. But…what exactly were you expecting? For him to start nodding his head frantically with a giant smile on his face as he chants, ‘Yes, I still love you! I love you. I love you. I love you.’ 

Feeling embarrassed, you lean back onto your sofa, eyes still unfocused as your mind just shows you his face. When he said ‘no’ (a word you selfishly were not expecting) your body moved on its own. You almost felt the shock of his simple two lettered word—the word alone made you feel your heart drop down into your lower belly and you felt it begin the disintegration process. Your eyes repeatedly blinked at him, expression obvious that you were trying to process what he said—but how hard is to process one simple word like that?

Then boom. You were gone. Lost in the crowd as you slipped away from Jimin’s view. He didn’t go after you, running towards you in desperation. No, his feet stayed planted to the ground, eyes going to the bartender when he raised his hand for another drink. 

Do you feel silly? Sure, maybe, yes. Embarrassed? Maybe, yes, sure. For more than one reason…for asking the question to begin with and for also running away like a coward. But you aren’t sure what you were expecting from any of this—no matter his answer. You wish this was the only thing taking over your mind but somewhere else in the foreground is another face. Namjoon’s face. And speak of the devil (more like angel, let’s be honest) you can hear soft knocking on your front door—the moment has arrived—time to talk to Namjoon.

You’re debating now if you actually want to get up and answer the door—the door that he is on the other side of. You wish this conversation could have happened earlier, that last night’s events weren’t so fresh but unfortunately, this is the timeline. Reluctant, you finally rise from the sofa and go towards the door. You’re on deep breath number 16 before you finally reach for the door knob and open up for Namjoon.

“Hey, beautiful.” He greets you, voice sounding far because of the fat droplets of rain falling all around him. He stands here, hair still drying from his shower…or maybe it’s gotten damp again thanks to the weather. He is wearing a gray pullover wrapped around his torso and he looks so warm and cozy for this rainy day. “What a day, huh?” He glances around him, smile on his face as he admires the gloominess. Maybe you’re the only one who recognizes the gloom though.

“Yeah.” You offer him a weak excuse of a smile. “Come in, come in.”

“Sorry, it took me a little longer to get here,” Namjoon looks at you over his shoulder as he slips his shoes off, “I had to stop because there was a little row of baby ducks trying to cross the road!”

“Baby ducks?” You walk ahead of him now, finding a place on your sofa. “That’s cute.”

“I thought it was cute too,”  Namjoon grins to himself before he walks into your living room as well, “But I didn’t see their mom anywhere! So I got out and I tried leading them to the other side of the road…” He takes a seat next to you, leans in to plant a kiss to your temple. “But I must have startled them so they waddled back to the side they came from.”

You can’t help but snort, lips lifting into a more believable smile. “I wish I could have seen that.”

“I think the other three cars passing by and honking at me was enough.” Namjoon’s sheepish expression is enough to make you laugh a little. Settling down, you gaze at him for a moment.

“You seem like you’re in a better mood since the last time I saw you.” You tell him, eyes dressed in wonder. “Did some things get resolved?”

At this, Namjoon lips break apart, a look of surprise before he’s looking down at his hands with an interesting smile growing on his face. Interesting because his smile is always so genuine but this feels beyond that—beyond genuine—beyond happy, beyond peace, beyond fulfilment. 

“Yeah, I guess, I kind of had a bit of a break through with Emiko last night.” He says. “I told you that this past week was rough for me…for her, too. Her uh, her own personal stuff going on.” His eyes meet yours as he continues to explain, a softness in his irises. “She wasn’t letting me in and it was so…well, it was rough for me, you know? I’ve known her my whole life basically and it hurt that she was pushing me away.”

“I get that.” You lean back onto your sofa, back of your head melting into the cushion. “Sucks when someone you’re close to isn’t telling you everything.”

“Exactly!” Namjoon quietly blurts, “Anyway, last night I asked her to meet up and she did and we got to talking. She was having some issues with her boyfriend—ex boyfriend—and she didn’t want to involve me. I knew things weren’t great with them but she never gave up.”

“Sounds like a lot of couples, huh?”

“I guess so. But it’s important to know when to let things go.” He barely raises his shoulders for a shrug, “Human beings are brighter than we think,” He chuckles, “Deep down we are always aware of when it’s time to give up. But then it gets complex when we fight what we know…somehow believing we can change things. But we always know the truth.” 

We always know the truth, huh?

“Anyway,” Namjoon bows his head as he rests his hands on either side of this thighs, fingers lightly gripping the ends of the couch cushions, “After everything he did to her,” Your eyes fall to his hand closest to you when you see his grip tighten. “She just…deserves good things only. I hope she realizes that now.” He raises his head again to glance at you. “She told me so many things and I think she feels freer now. And it’s crazy,” He exhales a long breath as he chuckles, “So do I. Knowing she will be okay now.”

You study him for a moment, seeing how his body relaxes at his own words. You can’t help the unavoidable smile that spreads on your lips. He’s truly a gem in this world and no matter what happens between you both…knowing him is a gift. He’s a person worth knowing. And your years long crush on him has also been so worth it. 

“I’m glad things got better, Joon.” Your voice is sincere and he cracks another smile before appearing more satisfied.

“Well, and one of the ones who backed out on the summer book tour called yesterday and wanted back in—so I think that helps too.” He grins now. “Things are looking up again! Emiko sorted most the details but I’ll be busy here soon. We will be gone most of the summer. I even have a reading booked in September, the day of my birthday—the last one of the tour, too.” He laughs, “Emiko thought I would like that.” 

“It’s your birthday yet you’re the one giving a gift. The gift of your words.” You smile at him, “Emiko knows you well, that seems right up your alley.” 

Namjoon waves you off with a sheepish look, “It’s more selfish than that. It’s more like I get to force people to listen to me with no shame.” 

“Well, I’m proud of you, Joon. This is a huge accomplishment, really.” 

“Thanks, y/n.” Namjoon’s hand goes to your thigh when he offers a small squeeze in appreciation. “You’re one of the people who has motivated me so much. And your presence has been very needed in this time in my life.”

“H-How so?” 

“I can feel your support radiating off your body, you know?” Namjoon fights back a grin, “I see the way you look at me…I can tell you mean everything you say to me. I feel it when you give your support. You’re warm. You’re comfort, even.” 

You slowly lift your head from the couch cushion, eyes staying on his as you get hit with a pang of guilt. You called him here to tell him you want to be with him. You called him here to tell him the truth. You called him here to tell him everything. Come clean with it all before you see if he still wants you. But how could you be someone’s comfort if you’re ultimately their disappointment. Maybe even their regret. 

“I-I’m not any of those things, Namjoon.” Your voice is almost silent. Almost because there is technically sound but even if there wasn’t…your expression tells all. Namjoon scoots closer to you, his thigh meeting yours like it’s greeting it with a long kiss. 

“You are.” He tells you simply, “No use in telling me differently. Once I’ve decided something, that’s that. Emiko blames that mindset on me being a Virgo,” He shrugs. “Whatever that means.”

“Wow,” You respond in an airy chuckle. 

“So how was your week?” Namjoon’s hand slides into yours. “I know I went on about myself…”

“You didn’t.” You assure him, “My week was…something. Lots of weird stuff going around with my friends apparently.” 

“Like?”

“Like…” You nibble on your lips before your eyes expand comically, “Like holy shit! Apparently Naomi and Jeremy hooked up?! They were being so freaking weird at work and then last night so many bombs went off and—”

“You’re…” Namjoon blinks at you, eyebrows pinching together. “You’re surprised about that?”

“Wh…of course I am surprised about that?! Hoseok and I are shocked as hell. Like, you know them, right? Naomi. Jeremy. Picture them. Now picture them…together. Weird, right?!”

“Oh wow.” Namjoon breathes out, surprise lurking on his face.

“Oh wow is right, dude.”

“No…oh wow, because you are…how did you guys not know?” He starts laughing now, making you gasp out loud. “Oh come on, y/n. Wasn’t it so obvious?”

“How was that obvious?”

“Jeremy always hated Naomi’s ex—sorry, I forgot his name. And they’re always together. Like, always. Also, the way they bicker—isn’t that just  flirting?”

“No, this is a shock!”

“The only thing shocking is that they only now just hooked up.” Namjoon contemplates in deep thought. “You sure it’s the first time?”

“Pretty sure…” You slouch your shoulders, small pout forming. “The way they acted all week towards each other kind of gives away how new this is to them…”

“Ah, okay.” He nods, “So…then what?”

“Well, they’re fighting. Naomi apparently actually loves his cringey poetry. And somehow they related that to my shoulder dance…anyway, not entirely sure what’s going on there but…” You bite down onto you bottom lip, a sincere thought pouring out of your mouth so suddenly, “I hope they work it out. I know how important they are to one another. If it’s being best friends or if it’s being a couple…I don’t know, I just hope they come together whichever way makes them happiest.” 

“Hm. Yeah, I agree. I think what’s important here is that no matter the dynamic—they’re just in one another’s lives and are content with the place they’re in.” 

“That’s…” You glance at Namjoon and you show him an appreciative smile. “That’s the perfect way to say it.” 

Namjoon’s thumb starts stroking your skin as he nudges his shoulder with yours, “Well, anything else?”

“Yeah. You know Taehyung’s sister? Dae?” You wait for Namjoon to nod, “Well, Hoseok slept with her. They have a history though. And his dumbass bolted the morning after.”

“Ouch.” Namjoon cringes in his spot, “Not the best move.”

“Definitely not.” You snort. “He’s just afraid of too many things he doesn’t know.”

“Aren’t we all?” Namjoon ruminates. 

“But I think if he just talks to her…they could work it out and something nice could come from all of this.” You sigh out, now worried about your best friend and his love life—probably a great way to avoid your own. 

“Seems all your friends have been getting busy,” Namjoon jokes, “What about Taehyung?”

“Poor guy is the one most interested in finding the love of his life but not sure he’s gotten so lucky.”

“Well, sometimes we finally get the things we’ve been searching for if we stop looking so hard.”

“Tell him that.” You deadpan.

“I’ll try to remember.” 

“But seriously…he’s a saint of a person. He’s going to make someone so happy one day and my only concern is that whoever that person is deserves it and makes him just as happy…if not more.”

“We always wish that for the people we care about.” Namjoon whispers, his eyes falling to his legs as he thinks of those that applies to in his own life and then he clears his throat, eyes back on you. “So, anything else?” He asks with a smile, his interest still intact.

His smile…his genuine smile. It’s enough for your own smile to get wiped off your face as you feel the truth start rising like bile in your throat. Your hand escapes his as you thread your fingers together and you try to calm your nerves that are exploding one at a time inside your body.

“Yeah.” You admit softly, “There is something else. But Namjoon,” Fuck, your voice cracks just the slightest and he’s already shifting his expression into one of concern. “It’s not great. It’s bad, probably—no, definitely.”

“Okay…” Namjoon’s one word spills out of his mouth slowly. He’s always so calm and collected but right now, as you glance at him, you think you see an ounce of worry. This only makes you feel worse. 

“I have to tell you something. Something about me. Something that affects you.” You cower from his gaze. 

“Okay.” He says again, much more firm. “y/n, you can tell me anything. The important that is that you tell me…whatever it is.”

You aren’t sure how to say it. Do you just come out with the truth, ‘I slept with Jimin.’ Or do you start from the beginning of the story and lead up to the fact that is beginning to haunt you? Both feel like the wrong answer. Both feel wrong because it is wrong. Maybe you aren’t exclusive but emotionally it was still wrong and your heart is decaying in your chest as you realize this. It’s wrong because the aftermath is still the same—Namjoon will not be happy—and because you care about him because you do, it’s going to fucking hurt. 

“Namjoon.” You speak as if your own mouth is reluctant, going against you, even though telling the truth is the right thing. 

“Hey,” Namjoon’s large hand grabs onto your thigh. “It’s okay. Just talk to me. Just say it however you need to.”

“Okay,” You gulp, “But if I say it for what it is…no matter what it is…would you allow me to explain?”

“Yeah.” He assures you, “I wouldn’t rob you of an explanation, y/n.”

You chuckle humorlessly at this, staring ahead, “Sometimes I wish you weren’t so perfect.” 

“I’m not.” He sighs, but you hear the smile.

“I slept with Jimin.” You say, eyes focused on the TV screen. You don’t find the courage to glance at him to gauge his reaction but you do feel his hand slowly slipping away from your thigh and you’re left with a coldness where his fingers once were. “Last weekend.”

“Slept…with…Jimin…” Namjoon mumbles, more to himself, you think. 

You finally turn your body to face him more, “Yeah.” You own up to it, eyes observing Namjoon as you see his brain search for more of a response. “Can I explain?” You ask as softly as you can and he finally meets your eyes, confusion grown so heavily in them as he nods his head.

“Last Friday, Jimin and I were hanging out and it wasn’t anything unusual.” You gaze at Namjoon, apology evident on your features. “I promise it wasn’t unusual…I didn’t know…I never intended…” You choke a little on your words because you aren’t sure what to think of what you’re even trying to say. “We were just hanging out and things—things escalated, obviously.” You wince at your own implication, “But it wasn’t…well, we ate these brownies…um, you know brownies with weed.”

“You guys ate edibles?” He asks quietly.

“Yes. And it just heightened everything and I don’t know, things just grew into so much more than I was ever thinking it would and—”

“So, you guys got high and had sex.” Namjoon points out the obvious, but his tone is not anywhere near sounding condescending. He sounds like he’s just trying his best to piece things together. 

“Yeah.” You nod in agreement, “We did. And we also agreed it was a one-time thing…”

“And has it been a one time thing?” He gazes into your eyes, almost looking desperate for an answer.

“Mostly.”

“Mostly?” His brows pull together, “So, no?” 

“Just…mostly. Listen, it won’t happen again.”

“It won’t?” Namjoon narrows his eyes at you, his expression has hardened but there is still a softness to him.

“I’ve decided what I want, Namjoon.” You stare at him with an obvious vulnerability and he picks up on it instantly. You take a deep breath before adding, “If we can work past this…” You suddenly feel stupid for asking what you’re about to ask because how selfish are you?

“Tell me what it is you’ve decided.” Namjoon softens more, eyes losing their edge as he gazes at you. “I’m listening.”

“You.” You whisper, “You’re an incredible person and I enjoy being with you…I feel good when I’m with you and you…” You lose your words as you see a smile—his genuine fucking smile. 

“You’re wondering if we can still be together once we work past this, right?” His hands finds your thigh again, squeezing it. “But y/n…what exactly did you explain?”

“Huh?”

“You told me what happened, I guess. But where is the explanation for why—”

“The brownie!” You suddenly blurt. 

“The brownie?” He shakes his head, still trying to hold his smile but you can see it waver. “No, come on,” His eyes glaze over in a need for more. “Why did you sleep with Jimin? Brownie or not, why did you feel the need to be with him like that?”

“I…” Your mouth falls open pathetically as you try to force words to come out of it but you are only capable of making ‘I’ drip from your lips repeatedly. 

Namjoon tilts his head as he watches you, his once worried expression shifting into something more understanding. “Hey…” He squeezes your thigh again but you just blink at him, brain exhausting itself as you come up with your proper response. But his knowing smile is making your eyes sting a bit, thin layer of tears coating them and you choke on any letter that tries to make its way out of you.

“It’s okay.” He tells you, tender eyes on your face. “I get it.” 

Get it? He doesn’t get it. You want to scream at him that whatever he thinks he gets—he doesn’t. Does anyone get it? Your eyes burn, your throat burns, your heart fucking burns. You have so many things you wish you could say but you don’t know how. You don’t fucking know how. You drop your shoulders, feeling the weight of everything at once. You feel the shame weighing down your body, pound by pound. 

“I’m sorry.” Coherent words finally manage to leave you. “I’m so sorry.” 

Namjoon can feel his heart hurting as he stares at you, “It’s okay.” He whispers.

“It’s not.” You plead, “I know you’re so disappointed in me, or mad, or anything and I get it. I deserve that but please, Namjoon, I am so sorry. At least take that. Take my apology.” Your voice cracks throughout and you hate appearing this way but it’s just your heart speaking at this point.

“I’m not mad, y/n.” He tells you softly, “I’m not disappointed in you. I’m not.”

“Could we work through this and—”

“But…” He stops you from finishing that thought, his hands finally going back to his own lap. “I told you earlier that humans are brighter than we think…that we make things more complex for thinking we can change things that we can’t. I’d like to think I’m a little wise, sometimes.” He chuckles but his eyes are a little glassy. “I think I’m one who knows when to let things go and give up.” 

“Namjoon—”

“Hey,” Namjoon reaches for your cheek, his fingers brushing against it softly, “Stop looking so guilty,” He laughs. “It’s okay.”

Your body shakes from even more guilt, your eyes stinging as you’re dangerously close to actually crying. 

“Never feel bad for how you feel. Your feelings won’t align with every person. You can’t always please every person—because then you, the person who matters most, is the one who won’t be pleased.”

Your chest tightens and your face twists into something devastated before you finally close your eyes and let yourself cry. “I’m sorry.” You choke. 

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Namjoon leans into you, his arms wrapping around your body as he pulls you closer to his chest. You were right, his gray pullover is warm and cozy. He gently removes himself from you and meets your blurry gaze. “No regrets, y/n. I’m glad we did this even if it’s over now…I still got to know you more and we’ve become closer. I’m grateful for that. We’re friends, okay?”

You search his eyes, your frantic, afraid ones looking into his so helplessly but you only see his sincerity. 

“I’m going to head home…if you don’t mind.” He tries to smile for you. 

“Of—Of course.” You swallow down the millions of things you want to say to him. The biggest thing being ‘Thank you.’

Namjoon stands from your couch and starts heading towards your front door to slip his shoes back on…you follow behind him quietly. He opens the door and the sound of rain pouring echoes in both of your ears. He turns around quickly to say his goodbyes, your red eyes making him feel sad but he remains strong as he finally takes his leave. You shut the door behind him and he flinches at the sound, even though the click of the door was as soft as you, but just like you, the impact is huge. 

He releases a long breath as his eyes study the gray sky. He’s starting to notice the gloom in this rainy day. The repetitive sound of rain falling from the heavens isn’t enough to drown out his current thoughts—his praise to himself that he remained strong even though his heart is feeling weak. But he wonders if being strong is what he did—maybe true strength is his own honesty. Suddenly, Namjoon twists his body in his spot and knocks on your door. His heart feels weak, heavy even but this sudden courage is the thing giving it new strength. 

“Joon?” You say his name in question as you open the door for him again, he doesn’t move from his spot. Just the image of him, standing at your doorway with rain falling all around him. 

“Can I vent?” He asks you, voice sure of what he wants to say.

You relax your body as you nod your head. “Of course.” 

“I’m not mad at you, y/n. I’m not disappointed in you.” He begins, his tone as soft as always. “But I am disappointed. I like you. I’m sad.” He admits almost ashamed. “I’m sad because you found what I wanted you to have with me…with someone else. But I’m not mad about it. No, in the story of your life this makes sense, I guess. And in the story of my life, I’m wondering what’s going to make sense for me. I just have to wait.” He shrugs shyly and your heart pinches. “To be honest with you…I thought this summer I was going to figure out how to make a temporary long distance work with you but instead I’ll be figuring out how to get over you.” 

“I’m sorry…” You feel yourself shrink. “I don’t want you to be—”

“You’re my friend, y/n. And I got the privilege of knowing what it’s like to have more with you. Just because this aspect of our relationship is over doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I value you too much to let go of this all the way. But forgive me for a while…” He pauses, trying his best not to grow emotional. “If I bask in this time away from you. Maybe I’ll need it.” 

“I’d for—forgive you for anything, Joon.” You bite your bottom lip. “Take all the time you need. I’m here whenever you need me, please know that.”

“I do know that. Thanks for everything, y/n.”

“Thank you. Thank you, Joon. Thank you because I’m learning something even in this moment…” Your eyes water as you show him a shameless smile.

“And what’s that?” His lips curl into a small grin. 

“This experience has shown me I can love again. I can. Thank you. It might not be the way I thought but…”

Namjoon expression morphs into the perfect pity smile. “You’re on the list of people who I hope finds the perfect happiness, y/n.”

“You too.” You watch as he nods, turning around to take his leave and his broad back is in view. He stands here, eyes on the sky and you think he is finally recognizing the gloom of this rainy day. 

~~~

“Damn.” Hoseok says on the other line, “You know I want to, y/n. But I’m trying to sort out my own messy shit too.” He sighs, “I don’t know. Maybe I can just talk to Dae tomorrow…I just feel bad making her wait—”

“No,” You cut him off, “Don’t make her wait. I get it. I can handle one night on my own, you know, believe it or not.” You attempt laughing but Hoseok groans. 

“I do believe it and that’s the problem! You’re actually reaching out and I’m rejecting you.”

“You don’t have to make it sound that dramatic.” You deadpan. “Come on, it’s okay. We can celebrate the end of my life another time. I’ll just throw a pity party for one in the meantime.”

“And you call me dramatic.” Hoseok huffs out, “Listen, I would love to be with you tonight but Dae already said she would come over soon so we can talk and honestly? I’m so fucking nervous, dude.”

You start smiling to yourself, feeling proud Hoseok is going through with this. “You like her, right?”

He’s silent on the other end. “Come on, Hoseok.” You laugh. “Admit this one, won’t you?”

“Fine, yeah, maybe.”

“And doesn’t it feel pretty good that you have a pretty good idea how she feels? She’s not leaving you wondering. Now you’re the one doing that to her.”

“Shit…” He grumbles to himself. “I hate that you’re kind of right. Anyway, I’m just going to try and do what feels right. I’ll let you know later how it goes.”

“Good. So if Dae is going over then…”

“Taehyung is with him.” Hoseok’s tone is soft now. “After you left last night…Jimin seemed…well, he didn’t tell me what happened.”

“I already told you.” You hold the phone closer to your face, as if anyone else would hear you. “I basically got ahead of myself.”

“But what does that mean?”

“It means I’m back to my no luck streak.” You chuckle. “But it seems you might be starting a good luck one. Make things right with Dae, Hobi. Call me later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye, y/n. Love you with all my heart.”

“I know. Love you too.” You say before bringing the phone down to your lap and touching the end button. You check the rest of your notifications when you see a text from Naomi and also a text from Jeremy—separate chats, of course. 

Naomi 8:04pm

I’ll explain everything tomorrow. I’m visiting my parents right now but I’ll be home again sometime tomorrow afternoon. Also!! If Jeremy asks if you know where I am say you don’t know, I’m trying to seem like I mysteriously vanished. 

Jeremy 8:47pm

Have u heard from Naomi

Jeremy 8:49pm

I went by her place but I don’t think she’s home……

You read over the texts before deciding to just click your phone off and worry about your own problems—at least for tonight. You stand and walk towards your bathroom, flipping on the light switch and externally groan when you see your reflection. Swollen eyes and an exhausted expression written all of your face. You look like you’re on the verge of an emotional breakdown and maybe you are. What a weekend so far, you think to yourself. 

You don’t fix your make up or do anything with your hair or even change out of your clothes—an oversized t shirt with a picture of Shrek’s face and the caption ‘so shrekxy’ and a pair of comfy shorts. In your opinion, this is the perfect look to have an emotional breakdown in. 

You give yourself an encouraging nod and thumbs up in the mirror before you decide it’s time to get the party started—the pity party.

~

“You’re scaring away my customers, y/n.” Your old college pal Lorenzo tells you sternly as he dries yet another glass. “If you’re going to be a cry baby, go home.”

You lift your head from the bar top, tired eyes on Lorenzo. He isn’t actually kicking you out, you know this. You rarely get to come to his small bar across town since the last time you came, over two years ago, he and your dearest friend Hobi got into some ridiculous fight. Hoseok’s pride took over and swore he would never come back here again. You try to visit every now and then though even if it’s by yourself.

“A cry baby?” You mumble, eyes filling with tears again and Lorenzo rolls his eyes.

“Not again…”

“Excuse me miss—”

You whip your head to the left to see a man standing next to you, he’s probably around your age, probably not hideous looking but you’re in no mood.

“What?” You snap, a small hiccup leaving your mouth. “Want to buy me a drink?” You accuse him before running the back of your hand to wipe the snot at your nose. 

“Uh, I was—”

“I hate to break it to you, buddy.” You cut in, “Love isn’t real. Not sure anything is real. I think—”

“No…” The guy pales, his hands raised in surrender before he’s gesturing towards the chair next to you. “I was going to ask if anyone was using this chair…” Then he glances behind him at his group of friends at a table nearby. “We need an extra chair….”

You blink at him lazily, processing the situation before you nod along. “Right. Right. Whatever, take it.” You wave him off as if you shouldn’t be totally humiliated. You shrug to yourself before resting your head against the bar top again and mumbling to yourself about the concept of love. It’s been rough.

This is beyond moping. Namjoon ended things with you and Jimin doesn’t have feelings for you. Both suck. For different reasons. But the latter hurts just a smidge more. And you’re deciding if you’re a bitch for that. 

“Whatever’s wrong, y/n. Things will get better.” Lorenzo tries to comfort you but this isn’t his strong suit. 

“Whatever’s wrong, y/n.” You start to mock him, head lightly banging on the wood. “Things will get bet—when Lorenzo?!” You dramatically cry out, once again mumbling to yourself about love and all its hardships. 

“Hey man.” You hear a new voice on your right side but you continue to live your life. “The usual please.”

“Rough day?” Lorenzo asks the newcomer. “Don’t tell me it’s another disaster date, man.” He tells the new guy, “Two weekends in a row?”

“I remember those.” You mumble in your arms. “Then I had great dates—but I went and ruined that too!” You whine, head hitting the bar top again.

“Damn…” The new guy begins but pauses, you’re sure you feel his eyes on you. “Isn’t there like, a limit, dude? Where you cut people off?” You’re sure he’s asking Lorenzo this.

You lift your head and your swollen eyes find Lorenzo already staring at you. “I wish she was wasted, dude. This is just a mental breakdown. The glass is water.” He says with a straight face. 

“Mental breakdown?” The guy next to you repeats Lorenzo’s words thoughtfully, “Perfect. I will have a glass of water too then. I’m also ready for a mental breakdown.” 

Is he…making fun of you? You are in no state to get made fun of! You finally lift yourself from the bar top and turn your bar stool in this stranger’s direction. As soon as you face him, you lift your pointer finger up, ready to scold him. “I’ll have you know—” But you stop mid-sentence, eyes slightly expanding as you eye the man over. 

“y/n???” The guy looks at you wide eyed. You blink at him a few times before realization is actually hitting you. Your eyes scan him over and you’re comparing what he looks like now and over five years ago. Way more tattoos than you remember and hair shorter than it was in college.

“Jungkook?” You gape at him. “Jeon Jungkook???”

His surprised expression finally relaxes and his lips curl into a smirk, “How was the brownie? Jimin said he was going to share some with you and your friends.”

“Ah, yes.” You slump your shoulders, spinning forward in the chair again. “So you’re to blame. This is all because of the brownie…the brownie you provided.” 

“Huh?” Jungkook’s doe eyes look even larger as he tries to figure out how this turned into something bad that he did. 

“Maybe you are a girlfriend stealer.” You sniffle to yourself, “Thanks to that brownie you stole away my chance at being a girlfriend.” 

“I can’t emphasize enough how confused I am.” Jungkook turns towards Lorenzo, “But please make my usual and that water, I am also needing a mental breakdown. So,” Jungkook turns back towards you, “Rough day?”

“Rough life.” You murmur, head tilting towards him and he grins at you.

“Can’t be worse than mine.”

“You’re smiling about that?” You give him a disturbed expression, “But in the last 24 hours I’ve gotten dumped by two guys.” 

Jungkook nods along to your words as he sits down in the chair next to you, once he gets comfortable he offers some strange looking smile. You narrow your eyes at him.

“What?” You ask cautiously.

“I just fled a date—yes, fled—with a girl who psychoanalyzed me in the first 15 minutes,” Then he sighs, “What’s worse is everything she said was right.” He starts laughing now, his front teeth poking out between his lips adorably. “Before she even properly introduced herself she looked me over and goes, ‘mm, yeah, mommy issues.’” He says in a sassy, feminine voice. “Can you believe it?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Jungkook agrees with you, “But it gets worse.”

“It gets…worse?”

“Not even 10 minutes later in she goes,” He gets back into his female persona, “Oh yeah, daddy issues too.” 

“Damn.” You can’t help but laugh a little. “She read you for filth, huh?” 

“You should have seen her face! It’s like when she made these realizations, I could see literal excitement behind her eyes.”

“She likes a boy with baggage.” You shrug, “Is there a kink for that?”

“Probably. Her porn search history is probably ‘boy who purposely seeks mental breakdowns’ or ‘boys with all the issues’”

You snort at this, “I’m laughing at the purposely seeking mental breakdowns one.” 

“Speaking of,” Lorenzo slides a mixed drink over to Jungkook. “Enjoy. And also, let me hook you up with my cousin already.”

“Your cousin is married, Lorenzo.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he stares at you, silently asking if you believe this guy.

“Yeah but we hate him!”

“At least try to hook me up with y/n first.” He glances at you with a sly grin. “You are single.”

“Thanks for the reminder.” 

“Anyway, you’re not drinking at all though?” Jungkook asks you, “Want something? I’ll buy since I apparently ruined your life with the brownie I provided.”

“Ha!” You raise your arms above your head in a stretch, “My emotional state plus alcohol? That’s a recipe for disaster!” 

20 Minutes Later

“And yeah,” you lightly slam your now empty shot glass down to the bar top, it joins the other two empty shot glasses. “That’s how I got dumped by two guys in 24 hours.” 

“Damn,” Jungkook throws his shot of liquor back as well. “That is rough.” 

You ended up spilling your entire sob story to Jungkook and in return he complained about several things going on with him as well. You two talked and talked and eventually switched over to mixed drinks. He explained his strained relationship with his parents and his shitty luck with almost anything in his life. 

“But actually,” Jungkook slightly slurs before he grins proudly to himself, “I’ve actually taken a little opportunity to get away from my parents for a while.” 

“Really?”

“Mhm. Well, my dad’s company—where I work—wait, shit did I call it my dad’s company? Sorry, I meant my parent’s company.” He starts snickering, “My mom would kill me if I excluded her in that and only gave credit to my father. Not sure what she actually contributes though…”

“You mean besides the emotional trauma?” You drunkenly joke.

“You’re right.” Jungkook nods quickly. “How could I forget about that…so, she really does work hard.” He can’t help but break out into a deep, rumbling laughter that he feels in his entire body.

Your eyes widen a little, “Wait, maybe we shouldn’t joke about that.”

“Why not?” Jungkook reaches for his drink and takes a generous sip. “Joking is how I cope.”

“Ah, this is why we got along in college.”

“It was also because you were hot.”

“Anyway.”

“So, back to you.” Jungkook takes another sip of his drink.

“Me? Why don’t we get Lorenzo to tell us his life problems instead?” You whine, but you hear Lorenzo speak up immediately.

“Leave me out of your little sob fest. Some of us actually have serotonin running through our bodies.” He shakes his head at you and Jungkook but you can see a small, smart ass smile on his face. 

“Come on, y/n.” Jungkook places his drink back down, his head resting in his hand. “You’re sad about two guys right now, right? But let’s be real, one is making you a whole lot sadder than the other.”

You narrow your eyes at Jungkook before scoffing, “I mean, I guess. But I’m sad for different reasons.”

“Different reasons?”

“Namjoon…I’m sad because I feel bad. Like shit, actually. I feel like I disappointed someone so great and I don’t want him to hurt. I messed it up.”

“And Jimin?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do.”

You roll your eyes at this, “Okay. I’m sad because he doesn’t have feelings for me.”

“And why does that make you feel sad?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do.”

You glare at Jungkook now.

He laughs a little, “Listen, I don’t think you’re a bad or selfish person, y/n, right? You’re not so conceited that you’re sad about someone not having romantic feelings for you.”

You’re quiet.

“You’re sad because that someone isn’t returning your romantic feelings for them.”

You raise a brow at Jungkook, holding in another scoff, “Who’s psychoanalyzing now?”

“You’re avoiding.” He tells you simply. “Why?”

“Why…?” You repeat his question and your hazy brain is surprisingly capable of reminding you why.

“I told you that you’re afraid of having a love again like what you had with me and you said ‘maybe’ but I think the thing you’re afraid of is me.” Jimin’s eyes bore into yours, his gaze so intense as they gloss over. “And,” He gulps. “I fucking get it. Because I,” He pauses, gaze still set on you as he tries to push down his emotions. “I am also so fucking afraid of you.”

“I’m afraid.” You tell Jungkook, eyes ahead, unfocused as you stare at nothing. 

“Afraid? That’s it? y/n…” He drags out your name, almost in the tune of song you might recognize. “I have mommy and daddy issues.” He points out with a smirk, “If I can juggle two things and still get out there then you can handle your one.”

You keep staring ahead before you start chuckling, “Lorenzo,” You call out for your old friend. “Another round of shots!”

~

Jungkook’s loud laughter is ringing in your ears but your own witch like cackle isn’t any better. Lorenzo watches the two of you as he dries more glasses from the night, laughing to himself as you and Jungkook are both unaware that he switched you guys to water over an hour ago.

“But seriously, y/n.” Jungkook tries to calm himself from laughing about…whatever it is someone said that you two found hilarious. “After everything you’ve told me about this whole Jimin thing and all your fears and insecurities…doesn’t it sound like you should just,” He pauses to burp, “Sorry, but anyway, shouldn’t you just like, go to therapy?”

“Therapy?” You slur, “You’re one to talk!” You shove his shoulder with your hand. “I’ll go to therapy if you go to therapy for the fact that your dad didn’t talk to you for two years because you didn’t want to join his company!” 

“I went to my own brain therapy!” Jungkook sings out, “I’m basically cured.”

“What the hell is brain therapy?”

“The therapy in my own brain where I talk to Dr. Jeon.” Jungkook smirks at you, “He’s a sexy doctor.”

“He sounds made up.”

“He’s me?”

“Yeah.” You give a curt nod. “A you that doesn’t exist. Are you actually a doctor?”

“Well, no.” 

“Exactly.”

“Well, at least I’m trying! What are you doing to end all of those insecurities and fears you have?!” Jungkook drunkenly shouts at you, despite being a foot away. 

“Oh my god, you guys are so drunk.” Lorenzo shakes his head. “Order a ride soon, we closed 20 minutes ago.”

“I’m trying too!” You shout back, words slurred. 

“How?!”

“I don’t know!”

“Okay, okay.” Jungkook’s hand goes to the back of your chair, “You just, listen, y/n, you just got to like, listen, okay?” 

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Okay, great, listen, okay?”

“Exactly.” You say.

“Okay, so basically, like, just listen really quick, I have the answers—”

“Yes.”

“Okay, good, listen—“

“Tell her the fucking point already, dude.” Lorenzo drags a hand down his tired face. 

“Were you not listening?” You look at Lorenzo, “He was doing that.”

“I’m just going to order the ride for you guys.” Lorenzo nods to himself as he brings his phone out.

“y/n.” Jungkook gets your attention again.

“Hm?” You lazily blink at him, your eyes glassy and far away from this world. 

“You got to just really end all of these fears of yours. They’re holding you back and for what? Why do you, why do you, why do you….”

“Jungkook.”

“Right.” Jungkook nods. “Why do you want…honestly I forgot what I was saying.”

“Me too.” You tell him. “Wait, it was about me ending my fears. And you’re right.” You sigh out, legs swinging as you pout to yourself. “I’m letting all these bad things dictate how I live myself.”

“Exactly!” Jungkook yells out, “You’re afraid and insecure and not to mention apparently in a one sided love.”

“I don’t want to remember that.”

Lorenzo laughs at this, “Don’t worry, you’re drunk enough you really might forget.”

“y/n!” Jungkook grabs you by the shoulders and his eyes bore into yours. “I know everything inside your head now.” He tells you, “And I think you just need to make him fall in love with you! But first, allow yourself to love him too!”

“You’re crazy!” You start giggling. “But also, maybe you’re right.”

“End these insecurities! End these fears! End that voice in your head discouraging you! End it all!” Jungkook cheers loudly and you start feeling hyped up thanks to him.

“You’re right!!!! I’m going to end it all!” You start cheering along with Jungkook, both of you raising your drinks in celebration.

“To ending it all!!!!”

 As soon as you take a sip of your drink, giving a satisfied ‘Ahh’ even though it’s just….water. You pull out your phone and search for Jimin’s name in your text threads. You want him to know you can overcome this fear. You will end these horrible thoughts telling you that you could never be happy again. You press ‘send’ on the text you just wrote and slide your phone in your purse, feeling more than satisfied. 

“I’m going to overcome this,” you say a bit softer, “And I’m going to have Jimin fall in love with me!”

Sober you is probably going to really question where all of this is coming from.

“That’s the spirit!” Jungkook fists pump the air before he’s turning towards Lorenzo. “But if it doesn’t work out with Jimin, hit me up. Anywho, buddy, another round of shots, please.” 

“Another? Round of…? You know what, sure.” Lorenzo nods, taking two shot glasses and filling them with water. “Here ya go.”

“Cheers!” You and Jungkook shout in unison, clinking your glasses together and downing the shots.

“Ouch,” Jungkook rubs his throat before winking at Lorenzo, “This stuff burns! You’re not giving us the cheap stuff, right?”

“Totally.” Lorenzo nods his head with a straight face. 

“Party, party!” You sing to yourself, slurring every word.

“Party, party, yeah.” Jungkook nods in agreement. 

You and Jungkook talk and laugh for another 45 minutes before Lorenzo tells you both that it’s time to go home. He escorts the both of you outside and tells you a ride will be here for you soon. You sway in your spot, shoulder bumping into Jungkook every now and then and he giggles. 

“This looks a bit better than your mental breakdown earlier.” Jungkook tells you.

“Yeah.” You agree quietly, your eyelids feeling so heavy—along with every limb on your body. “I think you really helped me sort some things out.”

“It’s okay to be sad for a little bit,” Jungkook stares ahead at the empty parking lot. “But if there’s solutions, you should take some time to try to find them.”

“Hm.”

“And y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s always solutions.” Jungkook chuckles to himself, “Whether it be your sexy brain doctor that’s just you playing dress up. Which would be really hot by the way.”

“Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

“But you’re right. Thanks, Jungkook.” You squint your eyes when you see a car approaching the two of you, the headlights almost blinding.

“Let’s get you home.”

~

The driver pulls up to your apartment complex and you struggle to open your eyes but Jungkook’s insistent nudging is enough to make you groan out loud.

“What?” You whine out, “What is it?”

“Is this the right address? This is your apartment?” He gestures out the window for you to look.

“Oh, yeah.” You glance around, “I live here.” 

“Okay, I’ll walk you to your door. Come on,” Jungkook opens the door and slides out, extending his hand for you to take it so he can help you out of the car. “I’ll be back, man!” Jungkook tells the driver.

“Home sweet home.” You slur, your arm wrapping around Jungkook’s waist as you try to walk forward. “That building is mine, I live like right there.” You point, “First floor.” 

“Cool.” Jungkook’s arm goes around your shoulder. “Don’t walk too fast, you’ll trip.”

“If I trip, you’d probably fall with me.”

“Exactly.” Jungkook shudders, “I can’t injure another ankle!”

“Ouchie.” You give him your sympathy. “Almost there.”

You walk towards your building and you see your door in sight and you have never felt more elated. You’re going to sleep so fucking good. As you two get closer to your door, you start to make out two bodies coming near you and possibly the sound of your name being said over and over. 

You raise a fist to your eyes as you rub them in hopes you’ll be able to see better, vision looking a little clearer as you realize two bodies are coming towards you.

And suddenly your face is being cradled by a pair of hands you instantly recognize, the soft feeling all too familiar. 

“Jimin?” You slur, eyes opening wider as you realize Jimin is in front of you, hands on your face as he inspects you from head to toe.

“Are you okay?” He breathes out roughly, “Are you alright? y/n?”

“Am I alright?” You tear your eyes off him to look around you, Jungkook off to your side when you see he’s talking to Taehyung who looks as worried as Jimin.

“Why have you not been answering your phone? I’ve been texting and calling you like fucking crazy.” Jimin’s hands haven’t left your face. His fingers brushing your cheeks in a repetitive motion. “You’ve had me so fucking worried. Where’s your phone?”

“My phone?” You blink at him in confusion. “Uh,” You lift your purse between your bodies. “In here.” 

Jimin exhales a deep, deep breath before his forehead sticks to yours. “Tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m…I’m okay.” You try to assure him. “What’s going on?”

“Your text.” He tells you, peeling himself away from you. 

“Huh?” You bring your purse closer to you, hand digging around to find your phone. When you grab it, you click it on and see…a lot of notifications. 

Jimin 

66 unread messages

Jimin 

34 missed calls

Taehyung

23 missed calls

Hobi:))

49 missed calls

Hobi:))

114 unread messages

You click your phone off, gulping as you stare at Jimin. “What exactly happened?”

“What happened?” Jimin looks at you incredulously. “You sent this fucking message and then went MIA! I had to call Hoseok and see if he’s heard from you or knew where you were…but shit, you couldn’t have checked your phone?!”

“What message?” You tilt your head, “Jungkook, you let me drunk text?!” 

“Jungkook?” Jimin squints his eyes at you before his head turns in Jungkook and Taehyung’s direction. As if realizing for the first time that Jungkook is even here. “Why are you with Jungkook?”

Jungkook comes next to you, “Hey man.” He greets Jimin with a drunken smirk, “What’s this about a drunk text?”

“This.” Jimin holds his phone out to both of you. You and Jungkook lean in and try to read the message.

y/n 🥰  2:22am

im gonna end it all

“Damn, y/n.” Jungkook looks at you, “That’s kind of dark.”

“Huh? No, I’m clearly talking about ending all the things we said.” You tell Jungkook, “Ending my insecurities and fears and stuff. I just wanted to give Jimin the good news…”

“You told him?! Wow, proud of you.” Jungkook grins, raising his hand up for a high five which you gladly give him even though you completely missed his hand. ”Look at us, maybe we don’t need therapy after all.”

“We’re basically each other’s therapists!” You squeal excitedly, “It’s better than your imaginary doctor self, right?”

“Hmm,” Jungkook nods but he’s contemplating. “I don’t kn—”

“What the hell is going on here?” Jimin cuts you two off from more drunken conversation. “Why are you even with Jungkook?”

“Why…?” You glance between the two guys, noticing how Taehyung has come to Jimin’s side. “Because we were hanging out.”

“Why?” Jimin looks between you and Jungkook, a concern look on his face.

“Because…” You start trying to think of your answer. It is kind of crazy how you and Jungkook ended up meeting tonight and hanging out. You both spilled all of your thoughts and feelings and it honestly has felt so liberating. It’s like Jungkook was inside your head all night, he was inside your heart, just so completely inside you, knowing everything about you. “He was inside me tonight.” You say with a soft, genuine smile while everyone else chokes on their spits. 

“W-What?” Jimin coughs, “Just…what?”

“It’s like…he came inside me…and…” And he understood every thought and feeling. 

“He what inside you?!” Taehyung shouts, his jaw threatening to fall to the ground. 

“Ya heard her.” Jungkook drapes an arm over your shoulder. “We’re connected now.” He smirks at Jimin and Taehyung, his head glancing behind him quickly before he looks at Jimin and Taehyung again—then his head whipping behind him again. “Wait, shit. The driver left.”

“I can give you a ride.” Taehyung shakes his head as a smile tugs at his lips. “Jimin are you…?”

“I’ll stay with her for a while.” Jimin’s eyes are on you only, his gaze as intense and worried as 5 minutes ago “That’s okay, y/n?”

“Hm? Yeah, it’s okay.” You nod, shrugging yourself out of Jungkook’s hold as you step closer to Jimin. “I—”

“I’m going to call Hoseok, hold on.” Jimin sighs out, tapping on his screen. “He was fucking worried too, y/n. He wanted to come here to find you but I told him I’d take care of it. But I also told him I’d keep him in the loop.”

“I don’t even want to know what his texts say.” You slump your shoulders. “But I know he called me a ‘dumbass’ in at least half of them.”

Jimin just looks at you, eyes still pooled with his concern but he tries to ease his worries since he sees you in front of him now. He brings the phone to his ear and waits for Hoseok to answer and on the third ring, he does.

“Hey. Yeah, she’s here. Yup, drunk off her ass.” Jimin’s eyes slide over to you again, “I know. Apparently it was a misunderstanding…I don’t really know. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I’ll tell her. Right now?” Jimin exhales a deep sigh, “Okay.” He nods before lowering the phone to his shoulder as he directs his words towards you now. “y/n.”

“Yeah?”

“Hoseok told me to tell you…”

“What?”

“That you’re a dumbass.” Jimin says with a straight face before bringing the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, I told her. She uh, kind of just nodded like she’s aware. Mhm. Okay, I’ll talk to you later man. Thanks. Yeah, thanks. See ya.”

“Well, I guess we’re going to head out then.” Taehyung says before coming towards you, scooping you up in his arms and squeezing you to his body. “Don’t worry us anymore, okay?”

“Sorry, sorry.” You mumble in his chest. Taehyung releases you and pouts. 

“If anything bad happens to you, you realize me and Jimin would physically feel it, right?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, since we’re soulmates.” Taehyung says matter of fact. “Like, I’m pretty sure if you hurt your wrist, my own wrist would also start hurting.”

“I forgot how fucking weird Taehyung is about the three of you.” Jungkook stares at his friend with wide eyes. “Let’s go, dude. I need fast food before sleeping.” 

“Alright, alright.” Taehyung grins but then his expression grows soft as he leans into your ear, “And when your heart hurts, mine also hurts. Same goes for Jimin. Let’s be happier, okay?” 

Taehyung leans away from you and you feel your eyes water immediately and you drunkenly pout at him, “Taehyung.” You cry out dramatically. 

“y/n!” Taehyung dramatically calls out your name as well before crushing your body again with another hug. 

Jimin smiles a little at the interaction before trying to shoo his friends away.

“Bye guys!” Jungkook sings out, “Bye bye y/n!”

“Bye!”

~

You and Jimin sit on your couch, laying back on it as your eyelids feel so heavy again. Your entire body is ready to enter rest mode for at least a solid 15 hours. You’d fall asleep right here but you can feel Jimin’s worried eyes on you, his entire tense body is creating enough concern.

“Relax, would you?” You mumble quietly. “I can feel how on edge you are and its making it harder for me to fall asleep.”

“Sorry.” Jimin sighs, “I’ve just been…stressed.”

You lazily turn your head, cheek pushing up against the couch cushion as you crack open an eye to look at Jimin. He’s struggling to find a breath before he tries to give in, his back finally hitting the cushion. 

“Stressed?”

“Yeah.” His head tilts back and his eyes find the ceiling. “I was scared. How was I supposed to make sense of your text? Words like that aren’t that hard to decipher, right?”

“Jimin, when have I ever said anything to make you think—”

“I don’t know.” He slowly shuts his eyes. “Maybe my mind just assumed the worst and I just keep thinking about a possibility of losing you and…” He stops. 

“I’m here.” You drunkenly reach out towards him, your fingers brushing against his arm and he feels his heart starting to beat faster and faster. 

Jimin’s eyes open again and his head turns towards you. Eyes meetings yours and you swear if you weren’t ready to admit you might be in love with this man a few hours ago then you sure as hell would be ready to admit it right now. His heart is in his eyes. 

“Always be here.” He whispers. “I can’t lose you.” 

There’s a slight tremble in his voice as he does nothing to hide his own fears. Voice dripping in something pained and something vulnerable. 

“You won’t.” You assure him. Your heart feels weaker because you are 100% sure that at the end of his words, ‘I can’t lose you.’ There was a silent ‘too.’ 

Jimin keeps his eyes on you as he takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have acted like that…I just…do what makes you happy. I’ll be happy as long as you are.”

You stare at him and you feel him. You feel his heart. And you’re so stuck. He cares about you and you’ll just have to be satisfied with that. Have you been a fool this entire time? A fool to think you wouldn’t be here again, staring in the eyes of the man you once wholeheartedly gave yourself to? That you wouldn’t be here…so willing to do that again. Maybe it’s just about time—maybe he needs time. Time to fall in love. Or you’re just drunk and getting ahead of yourself all over again.

“It’s okay.” You tell him, “We’re okay.” 

~

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. Who the hell is calling you at this hour? It’s way too fucking early to be receiving some ungodly phone call at some ungodly hour. You’re rolling around in your bed, sheets and blanket getting all tangled up as your hands roam the mattress beneath you. You finally feel the coldness of your cellphone, fingers grasping it before you hold it in front of your face, eyes squinting ridiculously as you see who the hell is calling.

Hoseok.

“What?” You grumble.

“Wakey, wakey!” Your best friend sings out, “It’s like 3pm so I think it’s time we get our lives together!” 

“It’s too early.”

“It’s never too early for me to scold you!” He continues to sing, “So, on that note.” He suddenly gets serious. “What the fuck were you thinking?! ‘I’m gonna end it all!’ Like, dude, let’s be serious real quick—”

“It made sense to me!” 

“In what world does that sound anything but—”

“I was…Listen, it was a whole conversation and I think I made majority of it in my head and only texted out the part I thought was most important…”

“y/n,” Hoseok releases a deep breath, “You scared Jimin shitless. Even me! I wasn’t too worried but then you weren’t answering.”

“I was so drunk, Hobi. I didn’t feel my phone at all!”

“Pretty sure you took like 10 years off Jimin’s life.”

“Shit…” You roll on to your side, cuddling with your pillow. “I feel bad, really. Last night was a journey for everyone.”

“Where did you go anyway?”

“Lorenzo’s bar.”

“Ew.”

“Anyway, I was there—sulking. And suddenly, Jungkook, from college was there!”

“I have no idea who that is.”

“…..Girlfriend stealer Jungkook.”

“Oh, the hot guy?”

“Yes, him. Anyway, we ended up just venting about our lives and got super drunk and then he was totally hyping me up about Jimin and—“

“Hyping what up?”

“Oh. Right. Okay. I should probably fill you in on some—wait, how did things go with Dae?!”

“Don’t change the…okay, hold on, because it’s actually a pretty big deal.” Hoseok tells you and you can hear the sudden giddiness in his voice. “We talked. And talked.”

“And?”

“And kissed. And kissed.”

“…And…?”

“And fucked. And fuck—”

“Okay.” You laugh, “So things went well?” “Way better than I thought it would. I was nervous as hell but once I kind of just tried explaining myself she was so fucking cool. Really understanding and I don’t know, she just…we just click, I guess.”

“That’s…” You feel yourself beginning to grin, you heart leaping in joy. “Hobi, I’m happy. That’s great. So what does this mean?”

“We’re going on a date today.” He tells you, giddiness still evident. “Her and Taehyung are leaving at like 8 tonight so I got until then. She’s actually in the bathroom getting ready.”

“How’s Taehyung taking it?”

“I talked to him on the phone before I called you to let him know and…well, he went on a whole speech about how we’re already brothers for life but now we’re brothers for real. I tried explaining Dae and I aren’t getting married but then he started shouting into the phone about how I should already be thinking about that if it’s with Dae…anyway, Dae hung up on him for me.”

You start giggling at this, “Classic Taehyung.”

“Anyway, so what’s this Jungkook guy hyping up?”

“Oh. It’s—shit,” You bring your phone to your face again when you see another incoming call. “Naomi is calling me. She’s supposed to come over today and fill me in on everything.”

“Oh yeah, Jeremy has been blowing up my phone.”

“It’s crazy, right? Everyone says it was so obvious?!”

“How the fuck was that obvious?! Next they’re going to say we’re going to hook up.”

“Please think before you speak.” You shudder.

“You’re right, saying that triggered my gag reflex.”

“Anyway, I’ll call you later or something. Let me answer this!”

“Okay, okay. Bye!”

“Hello?” You say as soon as you answer Naomi’s call, “What’s up?”

“Hey! I just got home so I could drop off Bacon but if you’re down I could come over now?” Naomi says on the other line, “I could be there in like 10.”

“Oh shit.” You mumble, trying your best to sit up in bed. “Okay sure but just know I’m hungover as hell.”

“Damn…” Naomi chuckles, “Rough night?”

“We can fill each other in when you get here.” You tell her before you’re both saying bye and hanging up. You throw yourself back onto the mattress, head feeling heavy and room not exactly still. Well, you’re not drinking again for at least a month.

After washing up and changing into some clean clothes, you make your way into your kitchen to make some tea. Your eyes land on a small pile of dishes in your sink and you groan. You’ll do them later. You plant yourself in one of the chairs at your kitchen island and start scrolling through your phone to get a look at all the unread messages from last night. There’s a lot but some stick out more than others. 

Jimin 2:36am

Please answer your phone y/n

Jimin 2:38am

Youre really driving me crazy please just look at your phone

Jimin 2:41am

Babe please

Taehyung 2:44am

My soulmate senses are tingling 

Taehyung 2:44am

Hey where are you

Taehyung 2:45am

Me and jimin are worried please call us back love you

Hobi:)) 2:50am

What the fuck y/n

Hobi:)) 2:50am

Is this just you being dramatic or should I actually be worried

Hobi:)) 3:01am

Answer me you dumbass 

There’s about a hundred more from Hoseok that are just yelling at you and then some are just texts with exclamation points, some texts are just him saying he loves you but mostly it’s a lot of yelling. You click your phone off and sigh to yourself, feeling bad about causing such a dramatic misunderstanding. It made sense to you at the time even though it’s all a little blurry—oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. 

Suddenly, you’re remembering more from last night and all your drunken venting and drunken confessions. You aren’t 100% sure but you think you gave Jungkook the impression that you are in love with Jimin. You’re starting to think that you gave yourself the impression you are in love with Jimin. 

You sit here, mind replaying different pieces of conversation and—

“Jungkook, seriously.” You slur, trying not to laugh at his silly faces. “Be serious!” You hit his shoulder and he relaxes, giving you his full attention again. “I really did like Namjoon, I swear.”

“But he’s not Jimin, right?” Jungkook smirks at you, “Come on, y/n. You guys were so in love back in the day.”

“But it’s not back in the day.” You frown now, “But that’s a good thing. We’ve grown up a lot and experienced new things and well, I don’t know.”

“Okay, so you liked Namjoon but….but what?”

“I don’t know. When I look at Jimin it takes everything in me to not just…” You look at Jungkook intensely with big, wonderous eyes as you clutch your chest. “He’s just so…” 

“Damn.” Jungkook shakes his head, trying not to laugh at your dramatics. “I don’t think you were even this whipped back then.”

“I’m…I’m not…” You quickly bring your hands back down to your lap. “He just feels so special, maybe.” You spin in your barstool to face the bar top again. “He’s my person.” Your voice is quieter and Jungkook gazes at you with soft eyes. He watches you sulk but he’s pretty sure he’s remembering Jimin saying something similar to this when he saw him last.

“Just admit you’re in love with him already.” Jungkook scoffs with a grin growing on his face. “That’s phase 1…after that, we can commence with phase 2.”

“W-What’s phase 2?”

“Leave that to the big boys.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Anyway, if things don’t work out with you guys, we can just get married. My parents are loaded, aren’t you ready to marry into a rich fam—”

“Jungkook.”

“Sorry.”

Your lips lift into a smile as you roll your eyes at Jungkook’s words but your heart does feel a pinch or maybe a tingle at the rest of the conversation you’re remembering. Wow, drunk you was so shameless last night. Shameless or just facing the truth and being honest about it? Your brain starts sorting through several different moments you’ve had with Jimin since he came back home. You’d be ridiculously stupid to deny that you love him. Of course you do. But being in love is different and so much more dangerous. Especially with him. Because he’s the most dangerous of them all. 

But if someone is that dangerous for your heart it means something, doesn’t it? If you can easily admit Jimin is the one who could cause you the most pain—again—it’s because he’s also the one who causes you to be…shit. You rest your head against the cold granite countertop and shut your eyes. You’re going to enjoy these last 5 seconds of ignorance. 5…4…3…2…1. 

You’re in love with Jimin. Again.

You lift your head again, eyes opening and staring ahead at the dirty dishes in your sink. Well, those 5 seconds were nice but now you live in a world where you are aware of your feelings. The same world where you have to clean dishes—the dirty dishes existed in your previous world too—the world where you weren’t hyperaware of your feelings. But this doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. Just like the dirty ass dishes.

Your body jumps a little at the sound of knocking on your front door…Naomi is here, you think. “It’s open!” You yell out as loud as you can, “Open!!!!”

Your head twists in the direction of the door, eyes wide as you wait for it to open but much to your annoyance…nothing. “I said it’s open…” You mumble to yourself before sliding off the barstool and going towards the door. You look through the peep hole and see Naomi standing on the other side, totally oblivious to your yelling. 

“Hi.” You greet Naomi flatly, “Welcome.” You open the door wide so she can step through but before she does she looks you over and nods her head enthusiastically.

“At least we both look like shit.” She sings out, walking inside your apartment. “I’m not saying I’m happy you look so totally and miserably hungover but I’ll admit it makes me feel a little better.”

“Hold on.” You tilt your head in confusion, eyes raking over her body. Her curls are perfect as always, her nails look like they just got done and her overall outfit almost looks Sunday brunch worthy. “This is you looking like shit?” 

“Dude,” Naomi gestures towards herself and then her hand gently lifts up the bottom of her blouse, exposing her jeans. “They aren’t even buttoned.” 

“Damn…” You finally shut the door and nod in understanding, “We really are going through it.”

Naomi exhales slowly, her eyes landing on you and a sudden softness enters them. “Seems we have a lot to catch each other up on, huh?”

“Seems like it.” You laugh a little before going towards your living room, body flopping onto your couch, quick hands pulling the designated couch blanket over yourself. “You go first though because my shit has unraveled like scenes in a predictable movie. You on the other hand…” 

“God, I’m probably not any better.” Naomi sits next to you, her own fingers tugging on the blanket as she urges you to share it with her. “Who knew clichés were this powerful?” 

“Guess they’re cliches for a reason.” You shrug, “So?”

“Right.” Naomi leans back onto the sofa, her eyes finding the ceiling and you watch her as she thinks. Funny how all your guests seem to take comfort in your ceiling. “Okay…I honestly don’t even know where to begin.” 

“Well, I already know the ending. What if you work backwards?” 

“Okay…” She starts nibbling on her plump lips, her lipstick beginning to disappear. “Me and Jeremy…god!” She suddenly starts chuckling to herself before throwing her face in her hands. “Why can’t I even say it?! I feel so embarrassed!”

“Well, it is Jeremy.” You joke but then quickly pretend to zip your lips closed when Naomi glares at you, “Sorry.”

“Listen, I know this is—this is weird. I know that.” Naomi takes her eyes off you and they go back to the ceiling. “Jeremy is our friend and the four of us…me, you, Hoseok and Jer…we’re…friends. I feel like this stupid thing me and Jeremy did might ruin the group.”

“Stupid thing?” You lean back onto the sofa, head digging deeper into the cushion. “According to everyone this was an expected thing.” 

“Expected or not…it was still stupid.” She murmurs, “I don’t want anything to change between us or anyone or—”

“Change isn’t bad.” You tell her,  your own eyes going to the ceiling now too, the place with all the answers. “I’m curious how it happened though…had this been building? Or was it out of the blue? Or—”

“Both?” Naomi sighs out, “It was out of the blue…but it also somehow felt like I was saying ‘finally’ the entire time…” 

“Oh.” You glance at your friend,  suddenly more worried than before. “You guys…you actually…oh.”

“He came over after his date and he was telling me all these exciting things about it…you know how he gets.” She says and you nod. “And I asked him why he didn’t actually look excited and then I asked why he was at my place if it went so well…”

“And?”

“He didn’t really have an answer for either.” Naomi tells you. You think you can understand why he didn’t—it’s because he did…have an answer, that is. “I let it be but it felt like after that things just changed.” She looks down now, eyes on her hands as her fingers play with the rings that are just loose enough. “He kissed me out of nowhere.”

“Bold.” You comment more to yourself.

“And he pulled away from me like he just made the biggest mistake of his life!” She pouts, “I felt so…I don’t know. But…we just kind of stared at each other and he kissed me again. And imagine my surprise when I was kissing him back. I was confused! Like, why the hell am I making out with Jeremy?!” She shakes her head dramatically, her curls bouncing on her shoulders and you can’t help but laugh at this. “But I was hit with even more confusion and also like,” She bites down onto her bottom lip as she searches for the right words. “Like…relief? Like kissing him felt confusing and also relieving? And that’s when the word ‘finally’ kept repeating in my mind!” 

“Damn.” 

“And we totally slept together.” She slumps her shoulders, “And it was good. Really good. But after…you know…we just got really awkward. So I made a joke about how we’re friends and he just kept it going! Friends this, friends that. And it went so far that we ended up steering away from everything and making it a point that we’re only friends even though I’m 100% sure I have a thing for him.”

“You realized that after sleeping with him?”

“No, I realized that on Friday when all I could think about was how I’m into the cringey things he does.”

“Ah.” Your mouth falls open as you realize. “The poetry.”

“It’s truly horrific and somehow I want him to share only that kind of thing with me.” She says with a straight face. “Gross, right?” 

You laugh at this, wondering how you and Hoseok have been so dumb about this but apparently Naomi and Jeremy are also dumb about this. When it doesn’t have to be dumb at all. 

“You know, talking to him could—”

“I think we both have silently agreed that staying friends is for the best.” 

“Silently?” You give her a pointed look, “It’s not a real agreement if it’s silent.”

“It’s just bad timing! I have reservations for Wednesday and it’s not like he’s not going to come…”

“Wednesday?” You squint your eyes at her before they comically expand, “Oh my god, your birthday dinner.” 

“Yup.” She responds dully, “He’s going to show up because we’re friends but…well, I don’t know why I’m saying ‘but’…if he didn’t show up, I’d be pissed.” She laughs now. “It’s just a weird situation that I’m hoping we will get over quickly. Plus, I’m sure he’s put together that I like him and he’s given me no indicator if he feels the same…so.”

“Aren’t you ignoring him?”

“He’s sent like a hundred texts and most are talking about the importance of our friendship.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, give me your story now. You and Jimin, huh? Not surprised but with the whole Namjoon thing…so?”

~~~

Monday morning and you’re wondering if you’re still dealing with a hangover. Or maybe this headache is stress induced. Well, either one works, you suppose. You just made it inside your office, stopping for a cup of tea before settling at your desk. You see Hoseok, Naomi and Jeremy are already here. Naomi greets you with a small smile before she faces her computer screen again and Jeremy gives a noncommittal wave. Your best friend, who sits right next to you, hasn’t even acknowledged you yet. 

“What’s so important on your phone that you can’t even say hi to me?” You plop onto the office chair before turning everything on. Hoseok just continues to look at his phone, an undeniably giddy smile on his face. “Hm?”

“Oh, nothing.” He sings out, “Just that Dae just called me handsome and her boyfriend in the same text.” He says before holding his phone out to you. You narrow your eyes and read her message and it’s true, her text says, ‘how’s my handsome boyfriends morning so far?’ and you can’t help but grin and roll your eyes. 

“Boyfriend? The date went that well? You guys move fast.”

“I get some people like to take things slow and that’s cool but both of us know what we want so why prolong that? So yes, your best friend here is a taken man.” Hoseok brings his phone back to his lap, eyes on his screen as he smiles down at it. Then it drops so suddenly before he’s whipping his head up at you. “Shit. I forgot you’re sad.”

You snort at this, heading shaking. “Well, at least you’re honest.”

“I won’t rub my happiness in your face, I—”

“Nah,” Your face glows from the monitor finally turning on. “I will gladly let you rub it in my face.”

“Ew, what are you letting Hoseok rub in your face?” Jeremy suddenly blurts, teasing in his voice as you find an eraser to throw at him.

“Seriously though, Hobi. This is great and you shouldn’t have to feel like you got to hold back when you’re this excited just because my own love life sucks.” 

Hoseok studies you for a moment before he gives you a look of appreciation, “Thanks.” He smiles at you, “Also, we have a meeting in like 30 minutes. Got pinged like 10 minutes before you walked in.”

“A meeting?” You groan, clicking the computer mouse as you go to check your e-mails. “It better not last more than 5 minutes…I have so much to do today.”

“It’s just to meet our new temp boss.” Hoseok tells you, “Probably won’t last long.”

“Shit, I forgot about that.”

“Maybe this one won’t want to fuck you!” Hoseok cackles to himself and Naomi and Jeremy join but then they quickly make eye contact and stop laughing. You guess they’re still being weird.

~

The four of you sit in the meeting room, you and Hoseok in the middle with Naomi and Jeremy on either side of you. Awkwardness continues. The room starts filling up one by one as everyone talks amongst themselves as they wonder about Mr. Lincoln’s nephew. You grow bored waiting, clicking your pen in and out before the room finally goes quiet when someone walks in.

“Good morning, everyone.” A confident voice fills the room and you look up to get a look at the new guy who will be bossing you around. Your fingers quickly stop fidgeting with the pen when it falls to the table, loud clinking echoes in the room and everyone’s eyes go to you. 

“J-Jungkook?” You blink up at the guy standing front and center. His face looks as surprised as you’re feeling. He looks so different than what you’re used to…his tattooed arm completely covered by the long sleeves of his dark blue suit, his hair pushed back and there’s a strong, established energy clinging to him. 

“y/n?” His mouth falls open, doe eyes wide and set on you before he’s quickly clearing his throat and offering a gentle smile. “It’s nice to see you but…” He glances around the room before smirking at you. “At work, please call me Mr. Jeon.” You’re about to snort at this but he moves on from you to properly introduce himself to everyone else and you realize he was…serious.

“Jungkook?” Hoseok leans in, whispering to you, “Like…girlfriend stealer Jungkook?”

“Dude…he’s so hot…” Naomi leans in your other side, “This is the guy from Saturday?”

“Yes,” You lean into Hoseok before swaying to your other side and leaning into Naomi, “And yes.”

You cannot believe this…Mr. Lincoln’s wife’s nephew is…Jungkook? Well, Jungkook did tell you he recently took an offer elsewhere to get a break from his parent’s company…

~

After the initial shock of your new boss being an old college friend who used to give you pot brownies, you’ve gotten comfortable at your desk, working your ass off to finish a report in time. It’s not even lunch time yet but you can already feel the pained discomfort growing between your shoulders, realizing you desperately need a break—or massage. 

“Hey.” You hear a voice from behind you, a voice you know. You swivel around in your chair and see Jungkook standing here, serious look on his face as he hands you a packet of papers. “Mind if I go over something with you?” He glances down at the papers he just gave you. You knew he would eventually come find you…you thought to chat but looks like it’s about…work.

“Sure.” You tell him and he relaxes his shoulders before pointing at the packet.

“Page 4.” He says calmly, “There’s a mistake in your report. You got some of the information wrong…it’s not a huge deal but with eyes on us in this term it’s just best if we find even the smallest of mistakes. It doesn’t reflect on just you but our entire time and we don’t want that. Can you have it revised before lunch?” 

“Sure, I guess—”

“Thanks, y/n.” Jungkook straightens his back, “Other than that, really good work.” He nods at you before heading off to his office. You stare at the now empty space where he was just standing, truly wondering who the hell this guy is. Jungkook? There’s no way…this is like his long lost twin or something.

“He’s so…different than what you described.” Hoseok rolls his chair closer to your desk, “Not what I imagined at all.”

“Me either.” Naomi walks towards you both, hands cupping a mug. “He’s like so…” She waves her hands around, assuming you’re understanding what she’s saying.

“Dude, same.  But maybe he’s just really serious about work?” You wonder more to yourself, “He’s under some serious pressure so I guess it makes sense.” You say before groaning when you look down at a past report. “Well, looks like I’m working through lunch.” You glance at the current report on your screen that isn’t even half way complete. “Will you bring me something back?” You say to Hoseok and he agrees.

With the work day finally winding down, you grin in satisfaction; you completed what you were working on plus revised the report Jungkook brought to you. You feel accomplished and to be honest, the productivity was nice…focused on something other than your life’s woes. You stand from your chair, packet in hand when you’re heading towards Mr. Lincoln’s office—well, Jungkook’s temporary office. You knock on the glass door and wait for permission to enter. You hear Jungkook’s voice call out for you to go inside. 

“Hi, Jung—Mr. Jeon.” You crack a tight smile as you slip into his office. “I have the revisions done—”

“—Dude!” Jungkook ushers you to close the door behind you and when you do he does nothing but grin at you, “How crazy is this?! This is seriously, wow.”

“Wow is one way to put it.” You chuckle, dropping the packet to his desk. “You take your job seriously, huh?”

“Well, yeah. In this world…” He chews on his lips, hand brushing through his hair. “I have to be. No room for error and—”

“I get it.” You assure him, “I’ll try not to make anymore mistakes.” You joke and he only continues to grin at you.

“Good, because who knows what I’d have to do with you.” He sits down at his desk, cheeky smile on his face. “I’d be nice though, since we’re connected and I’ve been inside you.”

The sudden coughing thanks to choking on your spit does look a little dramatic but it only makes Jungkook grin harder. “Excuse me?” 

“What? That’s all according to you.” He tells you simply. “So, how was the rest of your night? Are you and Jimin madly in love now?”

“What?” You whisper shout, “No!” 

“Weird.” He mumbles, “I guess phase two will really be set in motion…”

“What?”

“Nothing,”

“Anyway, uh, so actually Wednesday is Naomi’s birthday and we’re going to a nice place for dinner and uh, you’re invited. Naomi says it’s cool. You don’t have to but you know, we’re technically friends and Jimin would be there too…”

“I’m there.” He smirks as he throws you some finger guns and then his face grows serious when his phone starts ringing. “Duty calls but good work today, thanks again. Go home and rest and see you tomorrow!” He quickly waves you off before answering the phone. “Jeon.” He says into the phone before smiling at you as you wave him goodbye.

~~~

Tuesday and it was another long day at work. The pain between your shoulders is driving you crazy and you really wish some expert hands were rolling out all the knots. It’s late, around 10 when you reach for your phone and find Jimin’s name.

y/n 9:44pm

hey just reminding you about naomis birthday dinner tmrw at 7

Jimin 9:44pm

I know

Jimin 9:45pm

Is Namjoon going too?

You read his second text and can’t help but dig your teeth into your bottom lip…he doesn’t know about Namjoon yet. And you don’t really feel like sharing it at the moment…who could blame you? Double rejection just isn’t a great look.

y/n 9:47pm

nope

Jimin 9:47pm

Am I supposed to bring a gift?

y/n 9:48pm

lol no I think its ok

~

Naomi’s birthday and this is getting ridiculous. Naomi and Jeremy barely spoke yesterday either but today Jeremy told Naomi ‘Happy Birthday’ and she only replied with a bland, ‘Thanks friend.’ And he dryly responded with, ‘What are friends for?’ and they’ve been back to ignoring each other. You and Hoseok give one another knowing looks before deciding today might not be the day to interfere. 

Jungkook—or Mr. Jeon as he has reminded you and your friends to call him—is as professional as always. He walks around the office, looking over many shoulders and you can tell people feel nervous but he’s kind when he points something out, he’s actually helpful unlike Mr. Lincoln. 

It’s funny…he told you how much he dreaded all of this, how he wanted nothing to do with this lifestyle and tried so hard to escape this path (a path his parent’s created) but he looks so confident and really looks like he’s in his element. You wonder how he feels. 

“Mr. Jeon is going to scold me.” Jeremy whines at his desk, “I’ve literally got almost nothing done today…” His eyes look distant as they slowly dance across the office and they land on Naomi. “Today sucks.” 

“Mr. Jeon is going to praise me!” Hoseok cheers much to everyone else’s annoyance, “I finished up plus I ended up doing some extra tasks. He said he would pay me over time!” 

“Good for you.” You gaze at your own screen, completely unimpressed with your own work. “Must be nice to be so perfect.”

“It is nice.” Hoseok sticks his tongue out at you before he’s straightening himself, “Oh hey, Mr. Jeon!”

You lift your head higher to see Jungkook standing to your side, “Hey. Mind helping Myra with some document conversion? Apparently you’re the pro.”

“Yes, boss.” You salute him before standing and he hands you a sticky note that you take. “What’s this?” You say glancing down, eyes reading Jungkook’s messy handwriting. ‘Can’t wait to fucking party tonight!!!!!’ you can’t help but chuckle at this, realizing you should probably tell him it’s just a nice, simple dinner. 

~

The restaurant Naomi chose is the same as last year, a nice enough place that offers insta worthy birthday photos and food that actually has decent portions. You get here the same time as Hoseok, both of you walking inside to find the table that Naomi is already sitting at—miserably, might you add. You’re about to approach her when you feel your entire heart start to dance wildly in your chest. Jimin walks closer, looks like he’s coming back from the bathrooms, when he spots you and smiles. He’s got his hair out of his forehead and an outfit that makes you feel suffocated. These pants and this jacket…they’re doing wonders on—and suddenly you’re having to snap your head up to meet his eyes because you were totally checking him out.

“Hey.” Jimin’s arms extend out and he surprises you with a tight hug. Maybe it’s just a surprise because you’re still processing your weekend. “You look nice.” He tells you as he pulls away, “New shirt?” 

“Not really.” You glance down, knowing damn well it is new. 

“So,” Jimin looks at you, eyes on yours and you can’t help but tear your gaze away from him…you suddenly feel nervous. “How are—”

“Yooooooooo.” You can hear Jungkook’s voice from behind you. You quickly turn around and greet your boss.

“Hey, Mr. Jeon.” You say as you take in his appearance. Unstyled hair falling in his eyes, loose pants and short sleeve shirt that exposes his tattoos. You forgot this is what he usually looks like. Feels weird to call him Mr. Jeon now.

“Mr. Jeon?” You hear Jimin, his shoes clicking on the tiled floor when he walks closer, coming next to you. “Uh?” He glances between you both, clearly wondering why you’re greeting Jungkook this way.

“Oh.” You realize immediately. “He’s my boss.” You gesture towards Jungkook who just throws up a peace sign and grins.

“The y/n I used to know was so hard to boss around but now she follows every order.” Jungkook winks at Jimin who is looking more lost. Clearly not taking this seriously.

“How did you agree to call him that?” Jimin raises a brow, his question directing at you.

“It’s because—”

“Hey Mr. Jeon!” Hoseok comes towards you all, “Wow, you look…” He motions towards Jungkook’s body and Jungkook only throws up another peace sign.

“You too, Hoseok?” Jimin blinks in confusion. “What kind of game—”

“Wow, Mr. Jeon…” Naomi comes now too, “I was not expecting all of…this.” She checks him out fully and Jungkook just…does another peace sign.

“Naomi too?!” Jimin’s mouth is permanently parted as he looks at all of you in disbelief. “Why—”

“Mr. Jeon’s here too?” Jeremy makes his way towards you guys, last one to show up. 

“JEREMY TOO?!” Jimin blinks at all of you, “Jungkook? Why—”

“He’s our boss.” Hoseok chuckles when he realizes Jimin is genuinely confused. “His uncle is our usual guy but he’s on leave for a few months so we got him.” He points at Jungkook who throws up two peace signs now. “It’s not some weird thing y/n is doing on her own.” He continues to laugh and Jimin relaxes a little. 

“Anyway, guys.” Jungkook finds a seat at the table. “Mr. Jeon is dead after work hours. Only Jungkook exists now. Don’t even think about talking about work because I will revive your dead boss—Mr. Jeon—and fire you. That or make you get drunk as fuck and you’ll have to deal with a hangover at work during our 8 am meeting.” 

“You’re evil.” You laugh, taking your own seat as everyone gets settled at the table. 

“That is evil.” Jeremy shudders before suddenly nodding in approval, “But somehow I respect it.”

“Thanks, dude. Should we take a shot to get this birthday dinner started?” Jungkook starts perusing the drink menu, “It’ll be on me.”

“He’s rich.” You quickly explain to the rest of your friends.

“Wow, you couldn’t have said ‘he’s generous’ instead?” Jungkook leans into your side, “Both are right so I guess it doesn’t matter.” Then Jungkook directs his words towards everyone else, “She’s really into the whole ‘rich’ thing, huh? I already told her I would marry her!” 

Jimin chokes on nothing when he hears this, his expression growing more annoyed. God, this is exactly how he acted years ago! Jimin didn’t call him a ‘girlfriend stealer’ for nothing. 

“Shut up. He’s also cheeky as hell.” You giggle, “Jungkook, we aren’t here to party. It’s a dinner!”

“No, no.” Jeremy starts looking at the drink menu as well. “Mr. Jeon has got a point. Let’s take shots.” 

“He’s dead!” Jungkook cries out dramatically, “Only Jungkook lives!”

“Oh, right.” Jeremy nods. “Jungkook.”

“Looks like it’s just you two.” You glance around the table…no one else seems interested in drinking.

“Cool.” Jungkook and Jeremy say in unison with a shrug to their shoulders. Jimin is on your left side and he’s quieter than it makes you comfortable. You catch his eyes on you every now and then but it feels strange. But this could just be you overthinking your recently rejected state. 

It’s around 9pm when Jeremy and Jungkook are throwing back another shot and talking about which super powers they would choose. Naomi is telling you about how her sister is still trying to convince her to work remote and visit her in Mexico City where she’s currently living for work. 

Jungkook stops talking to Jeremy to sip more of his water before he’s throwing an arm over you, “Ah, this was us just a few days ago, y/n. We really bonded, you know?” He winks at you before finding Jimin’s eye and offering a coy smile. “We just really get each other.” He says more to Jimin who just sips his own drink.

“Cool.” Jimin mutters before his eyes go to Jungkook’s phone that vibrates on the table. “You going to get that?”

“Oh.” Jungkook looks down and smiles in excitement. “It’s Taehyung.” He reaches for the phone and speaks into it, “Hey. Yeah. No worries, dude. I got this. Operation is in the works.” Then he looks over at you and Jimin, “Mhm. You’ll see, you’ll see. Kay, bye.”

“What operation?” You quirk a brow at Jungkook and he ignores you.

“He says hi!” Jungkook turns back to Jeremy, “Anyway, here me out…what if teleportation isn’t just through spaces but also through time? Imagine—”

“You guys seem close.” Jimin picks up his water again, “Didn’t know one drunken night made you guys the best of friends.”

“Well, I also see him at work now.” You grab your phone to check the time, “But I wouldn’t say we’re close?”

“Right.”

“Should we give our gifts now?” Hoseok shouts over the table excitedly. 

“I’ll go first!” Jeremy slurs a little but Naomi shifts uncomfortably in her seat, “Here.” He hands her a small box and although she looks hesitant, she takes it. “Open it!” 

“No, it’s okay.” She avoids Jeremy’s gaze, “I’ll wait for later.”

And you’ve never seen Jeremy look more offended.

~

Thursday 8am meetings are no joke. You’re tired even if you slept a decent amount…early is early. You set your bag down on your desk and you see Jungkook enter through, Jeremy’s eyes light up, excited to see his new friend.

“Sup JK!” Jeremy goes for a high five as Jungkook walks past him, completely avoiding Jeremy’s hand.

“We’re at work, Jeremy.”

Jeremy cracks a smile before high fiving his own hand, “Right.” But then his smile completely fades when Naomi walks in and they go back to ignoring each other. 

Before you left for lunch today, Jungkook asked you if you wanted to get some ice cream after work and you had no real reason to say no…so here you are with casual Jungkook at an ice cream place just a block from the office. 

“It’s a candid photo!” Jungkook tells you when you try to tell him to delete the picture he just took of you. “It’s cute!”

“Gross.” You roll your eyes, “Who are you sending it to anyway? Taehyung?”

Jungkook looks up from his phone, his big eyes looking innocent before he shows you his phone’s screen. An Instagram post. ‘I scream, you scream, we all scream at how cute y/n is.’

“What?” You look up at him, confused. “Why?”

“Just trust me. Plus, what’s the harm in posting my friend…” Jungkook smiles to himself, looking devious as the ‘likes’ start flooding in. 

~

It’s Friday night when you receive an interesting text from Jimin. An entire screenshot of Jungkook’s recent Instagram post with the caption, ‘is this really okay since he’s your boss?’

y/n 11:01pm

why wouldn’t it be

Jimin 11:02pm

Idk

Jimin 11:02pm

Not sure Namjoon would be okay with that? He’s a chill guy but even he has his limits, im sure

Jimin 11:02pm 

But maybe it isn’t my business, sorry

y/n 11:05pm

Namjoon wouldn’t even see it since he doesn’t know Jungkook 

y/n 11:05pm

but also it wouldn’t matter its not like were together

Jimin 11:08pm

?? you still haven’t talked to him?

y/n 11:09pm

we talked.

y/n 11:10pm

we ended things 

Jimin 11:11pm

Wait wait

Jimin 11:12pm

Wait what

Jimin 11:12pm

Ending things? You aren’t with him? You guys aren’t…? 

y/n 11:12pm

nope

Jimin 11:15pm

Why didn’t you tell me??

y/n 11:15pm

maybe its embarrassing lol

Jimin 11:16pm

How is that embarrassing?? You should have told me…this…we’re all meeting up at hoseoks tmrw right? 

y/n 11:20pm

yeah

Jimin 11:24pm

Good…I really gotta talk to you

~~~

Jimin is feeling nervous. So nervous that he even got to Hoseok’s place way before the meeting time. It mostly worked out since Taehyung and Dae just got here too, Dae is already in Hoseok’s arms, teasing him about not kissing her in front of Taehyung. And there’s Taehyung pretending to worship Hoseok for saving his poor eyes from seeing that. 

Dae laughs before giving bad news, “Movie nights are cool but I really hate to break it to you guys but Taehyung does not shut up during a mov—” “—It’s only if the movie sucks!” Taehyung pouts.

“No, if it sucks, you usually just fall asleep!” 

“Wait, I talk during movies too. y/n hates it.” Hoseok chimes in with a nervous smile. 

“Great.” Dae deadpans, “My whole life I had to deal with Taehyung’s annoying ass during movies but now apparently my boyfriend is just as annoying.”

“Life is cruel.” Jimin chuckles, “Speaking of y/n…is she almost here?”

“Oh.” Hoseok looks at his phone now, “She said she was on her way like 15 minutes ago.”

And with the magic of great timing, he hears Hoseok’s front door swing up and you’re yelling cutely to announce your arrival. Jimin’s insides twist in a nervous but exciting kind of way. He’s been desperate to talk to you but especially after finding out you’re not with Namjoon. He can finally say everything he needs to say. 

He mentally prepares himself, body turned towards the hall he knows you’re about to walk through but when he listens carefully he can hear how you’re talking—talking to someone. Maybe Naomi? Or Jeremy? And then he feels that ugly feeling in his gut that he’s felt for the last week. You walk through with Jungkook at your side, both of you laughing before Jungkook catches Jimin’s eye and he’s throwing an arm around your shoulder.

“Jimin!” He yells out, bringing you closer to his frame. “Tell y/n that she’s being ridiculous!”

Jimin feels that ugly feeling deep in his body start to twist and turn uncomfortably as he raises a brow at Jungkook, “About what?”

“I told her she looks so freaking pretty today! But she’s trying to deny it.” Jungkook smirks, “Isn’t that crazy? I have eyes, y/n. And you look so—”

“She’s always pretty.” Jimin cuts in, tone colder than he’s wanting. “Anyway, hey.” He says, more towards you. “Mind if we talk a bit before—”

“I’m here!” Naomi calls out as she walks through the house as well, “And Jeremy is parking. Let’s all pretend he doesn’t exist.”

“Naomi.” You give her a disappointed look. “Can you guys just talk already?”

“He’s being the way he’s being so I’m going to be however I want.”

“That’s mature.” Hoseok shakes his head as he comes closer to you guys, “Anyway, I ordered pizza!”

“Oh!” You cheer excitedly, completely forgetting that Jimin wanted to talk to you. “Did you order my usual?”

“Yes, I unfortunately know your personal order by heart.” Hoseok shoves your shoulder lightly before leading everyone towards the kitchen. “Anyone want wine?”

“Me!” Naomi sings, “Full glass.”

“Jungkook!” Taehyung comes into the kitchen too, “My partner in crime!”

“You mean partner in good deeds.” Jungkook corrects him, “Only crime here is how good we look.”

“Fucking facts, man.” Taehyung glances over at you and Jimin who is going next to you for a glass of wine as well. “So, how’s it going?”

“It’s going to work this time.” Jungkook whispers towards Taehyung, “For real.”

“You know,” A very cheesy, satisfied grin starts forming on Taehyung’s face, “What we’re doing is probably so, totally and completely unnecessary…but it’s probably going to encourage them to talk.”

“It’s definitely unnecessary!” Jungkook’s smirk grows, “After what Jimin said the other weekend when you guys visited me? But,” His eyes narrow as he watches Jimin talking to you but glancing at him every now and then, “This is so much more fun.”

“It’s a fucking blast.” Taehyung nods in agreement. “We failed last time but this time?”

“This time Jimin won’t be a dumbass and let her go.” 

~

extra a/n: only two chapters left~

#bts #park jimin #bts smut #jimin smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #jimin fanfic #jimin x reader #jimin fluff #jimin angst #namjoon angst #love again chapter 13

[rinbowaman]

My Girlfriends Roommate - Chapter 12 FINALE! (18+) Minors DNI

WARNINGS: Pain and breeding kink is strong with this one. Rough sex, rough, rough, and rough! There's internal monologue, mentioning of God, talking to God, talking to each other through internal monologue, emotional connection, and lots of graphic scenes that is descriptive. Again this was an original fic I drafted with the main characters names changed, they're ones i created entirely on my own and their personalities do not reflect any of the real person(s) that are Enhypen. Just wanna throw that out there.

There will be a sequel, that's another original piece I did that I'll have to re-edit, but I'll wait and see how this series does and how receptive it is. Sequel is My Roommate's Ex, its alot, ALOT shorter than this series, but is alot jucier (really juicy actually, alot of you will probably be shocked)

MGR pretty much did all the work as far as the build up and relationship development, which is why there are so many chapters.

With that said, if you enjoy it, please either message or comment so I know it will be worth my time to re-edit the sequel and other works that I have drafted years ago. :) Take care loves and remember to love yourself and MGR Heesueng loves you.

“God,

It’s been a while huh. Or maybe you never heard me to begin with. Its not my fault, I couldn’t reach out. I couldn’t get through to you. But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore because I no longer need an answer from you.

I used to think you were testing me. Wondered if you had other plans for me. Thinking you were telling me to broaden my horizons.

Remember all those “potential” candidates you put my way? You know. The ones that made promises that, no matter the time or distance apart, they would be loyal… humble…display unconditional love, yet they never followed through even when times were peaceful. Yeah, those ones.

I used to wonder “why?” Why was it so hard to find what others found so easy to throw away? My friends, my brother, my father…

Even for someone like Gabe, to earn Vicky’s trust and devotion and used it against her, when I was the one who yearned and respected it. To the point where, for so long, I repeatedly dismissed the acts of her betrayal when I secretly found out just how grounded their relationship really was, physically and emotionally.

Why was it so easy for everyone to find it, yet impossible for me when I was the one searching? As if I was doing all the work for them.

Maybe I shouldn’t had been so eager to crave companionship, but you made me that way, didn’t you? Hehehe. I could never understand why you gave me demons when I asked for angels. Whenever I saw the happiness of any man, God…only you know…I hated the world. The beasts inside me wanted to burn this whole place down and end it. I was tired of everyone getting the one thing I couldn’t.

Was it wrong?

Considering the number of times, I’ve been let down, was it wrong for me to secretly wish for the demise of other people’s happiness?

Was it wrong for me to get jealous when Jay’s smile grew wider, Sunghoon’s meaning in life grew deeper, or when Jakes voice got higher…was it wrong for me to feign happiness when I hoped for chaos and turbulence?

There wasn’t a day I wanted to wake up from sleep. At least then, I wouldn’t have to think about it. Just dream of it. It was less lonely that way. But now…I don’t have to look forward to sleep. I don’t have to be happy only in my dreams, do I?

I have her. The one you sculpted to be more beautiful than the sun and moon. Yes…her. Her in front of me.

She is the one and only thing that I had been searching for since I became a man. She is the shelter I was asking for when I am so far from home. She is the most beautiful inside and out, and nothing makes sense without her.

She is the sole comfort in my life, and for once, I don’t have to worry about a single thing. You gave her wings, yet she chooses to walk beside me.”

Heeseung’s momentum was the exact opposite of Samuels. You couldn’t help but compare the two, after all, Samuel was the only other experience you had, and within the eight months of your union, you shared that experience with him countless times. Every single moment where you gave him access to your womanhood, while it was pleasant, it wasn’t as invigorating as it was now. Even on nights when Samuel was a hard lover and less soothing in his performance, you had no idea that the vigor of any man could surpass the levels he displayed.

You didn’t know any better until Heeseung entered. He was rough, he was hard, and he was fast. He wasn’t making love; he was fucking you. But somehow, perhaps due to the level of sentimental connection that you both seem to share with each other, you just knew that while he was fucking you, he did so lovingly.

Everything you needed and wanted in life; he was fucking it into you.

He fucked the tears you cried that night. He fucked the smiles that were deceived out of you by Samuels lies. He fucked the pain of reading his words of betrayal. He fucked the joy you felt at having someone to come home to. He fucked the screams coming out of your mouth right now as he pounds into you, creating a soreness each time his groin slaps against you. He fucked the laughter you shared with friends and family during the peaceful moments in life.

But most importantly, he fucked all his love inside you; as well as the pain, jealousy, anger, and disappointment he experienced. He fucked every single ounce of it into your core and watched the true beauty of metamorphosis to occur as all his burdens turned into the gasping moans coming out of you, soothing and healing him.

With pleasure and pain, you took it all in helplessly as he fucked all his thoughts and desires. You not only loved every single bit of it, you wanted more.

He fucked roses. Roses you grew for Samuel, that you nurtured and watered with the tears you shed that night, all blooming because of Heeseung.

He fucked blue. The color of the sky, that you loved so much, is now the color of your energy.

He fucked the moon and sun. The eclipse of his heart embracing yours. He fucked you into Heaven and Earth.

Heeseung was doing more than just healing, he was showing the amount of love and devotion a man could ever develop for any woman. He was taking care of you in ways that no other man would ever be smart enough to do on his own. He fucks into you relentlessly, all things good and bad, and it was the most terrible and beautiful thing you’ve ever felt. The echoing voice translates the beauty of Heeseung’s love into to the deepest trenches of your soul, hoping that his heart would hear.

“He fucks me…he loves me. He shelters me by coating the skin on my body with his tongue.

God, he is fucking me and he’s doing it so good.

Oh God, I love it when he fucks me.

Could anyone with a human heart ever understand?

Could you? With your almighty heart and values in creation of mankind? Could you understand that what he is doing to me is the very thing I never knew I needed?

I don’t ever want him to stop. I want him to fuck me every day. I want him to fuck me every night. I want him to do everything to me. Just…want him to….fuck…”

His pace increases, his thrusts go deeper, and your head suspends your features to flush with the ceiling, moaning, and screaming. The vibrations of the echoes in your voice dances in the room, bouncing off the walls, the buzzing swims into both your ears as he holds you, steady as possible, while giving you everything he’s got. The ferocity of Greek Gods couldn’t even compare to Heeseung’s own.

The back of your head presses away from the headboard, you lean your face forward and introduce your cries into his mouth, engaged in the most passionate exchanging of wet kisses. The flicking of your tongues migrating from left to right, up and down, and in and out.

Your hands around his broad shoulders, your body lost all contact with the headboard as you have now completely relied on his body to fully support you. Not that it was a surprise, it was still impressive that Heeseung’s strength carried the weight of two bodies effortlessly.

You fall dense on his form; it was hard and warm. You were inching closer to a heightened state of euphoria as you bounced when you received each raging thrust.

The view of your hair flowing all around, dancing against your skin was a sight to behold. The sight of your breasts in bouncing motion from the thrusting impact enabled him to feel the desire to continue. But not just for the pleasure he was feeling from fucking you, it was so he could keep watching the evolution of your beauty taking place before him, all because of the awfully pleasant things he was doing to you. Things that are every father’s worst nightmare.

Your beauty just continuously amazes him, from the moment he met you he did everything in his power to not overindulge the mesmerizing image of you since he was trying to remain committed to Vicky, even if it was all mental. But he couldn’t, he wasn’t strong enough. You were intoxicating and no matter how he tried to distract himself from you, he was always brought back to your image.

Now that he got to see you in such a vulnerable state, he learned that you weren’t just beautiful when smiling, laughing, and looking at him intently with those dangerous eyes, he now discovered that you were just as beautiful, if not more so, when your face was stained with the pain of his penetration or the pleasure of him hitting your spot.

You were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, an ancient glory of the world’s creation. Enabled by wanting to see more sides of you, he takes sinful act of performance to a speed that is unsearchable. And God, you lost it. Grabbing on to his chest, your strength drains out of you as your fingers drag down. You found yourself re-gripping your hold on his chest or his biceps, alternating as the high momentum of your bouncing form caused you to lose your handling. Your chest felt sore as you hyperventilate, and a combination of gasps and moans shot out of you violently.

“He fucks me.” “I fuck her.”

The slapping of on and off skin contact from his penetration accompanies your screams of pleasure. The feeling was so intense, and while you were pretty sure everyone could hear it, you knew that no one was going to do anything about it and, upon discovering his Heaven and Earth, you hope it stayed that way. The traffic of air escaping you causes your mouth to dry up, the flesh of your womb bruising from his explicit and merciless act; the moist flesh that binds around his cock continues to leak, allowing him to fuck you more easily, regardless of how tightly you were wrapped around him.

“He loves me.” “I love her.”

The sweat glistening your bodies, took part in transforming the movements from steady and neat to sloppy and shaky. Along with the explosion of pleasure and sexual power, you both were losing all sense of humanism, becoming animalistic and primitive instead. The mashing of his balls into your taint furthered the pleasure you were experiencing as you kept taking him in, permitting him to forge his sexual satisfaction inside your delicate and fragile body.

You never want to lose this. The thought of having him motivated you to raise and cross your arms around his neck; he knew the meaning behind this notion and just like you, he felt the same. Putting any remaining gaps in between your bodies to rest in peace, as he tightened his wrap around you.

His arms are parallel to each other as they remain firmly wrapped around your back, both hands reaching and touching your breasts from each side as he used the bulk of strength from his core to lift, pull, and push you up and down his cock, coating it with the slick gush of your pleasure. His knees were starting to grow weary from the strain of supporting you both, yet the pleasure of fucking you so beautifully gave him the strength to keep going.

“Please God, let him stay.” “I won’t leave you baby. I’m staying.”

Still exchanging the kisses, that have too now become sloppy, you began to feel like you were dying inside, the pleasure was too overwhelming, and you lost feeling in your fingers, finding it difficult to tell if you were touching his skin every time you dug the tips in. You have grown completely numb as your legs begin to slack off, their wrap around his waist loosens and the alternation of your bouncing of your body and the impact of his thrusts promotes them to slide and fall off.

Sensing you were growing weaker and faltering, he takes his arm and catches one of your legs from falling completely down, remaining hold of it. He places a reach around from the inside, placing his hand on your waist as his arm snakes your thigh, looping it from falling, maintaining some bit of integrity with the position as you continue getting fucked.

“I want him.” “I want her.”

You feel yourself growing too weak, your vision begins to tunnel as a thick ring of darkness slowly narrows your limited vision. Your arms wrapped around his neck begins to loosen and you found it more comfortable to place your hands back on his biceps, allowing them to rest on them since you lacked the strength to hold them in place. You can barely hold on. Your moans, while still maintaining volume, have decreased, the tone of your vocal cords no longer had the strength to push out solid sound, just a slight dying tone accompanying a whispering gasp as you took on ever other breath trying to find a way to re- stabilize your stamina so that it would match his.

A sudden swarm of defeat informs ceases you from doing anything. It was finally here.

You begin to feel the sharpness of your orgasm to penetrate deep into your stomach and chest each time his cock thrusted into you. Your legs shake violently, and your body is reaching a mode of panic as it jolts as you feel your hips gyrate against his groin. Though you’ve never experienced this, you knew of the feeling from the talk of friends, you were getting close. Really close.

Your body’s message to your brain is contradicting, it wants you to tell him to stop, to not proceed any further due to the overstimulation being unbearable. Yet, confusingly, it wanted him to continue, not just that, but it compelled you to move along with his rhythm and aid his quest for a release.

“God…please let him be the one and only one.”

“It’s me and you forever baby, I’ll always be the one to give it to you. Just me…and you….me fucking you… always.”

No words were exchanged, just the sound of your gasps and his groans and heavy breathing fills the hollowness of the room. Regardless, you both felt and heard each other’s tone of endearment as you communicate through the moans of pleasure. Your hips roll vigorously as you felt his cock begin to pulsate. He was also close, and his breathing began to shorten. His gasping breaths grew louder and more frequent, in sync with his thrusts. You loved the sound of his voice reflecting his actions towards you. It was capturing your independence and the sole entity of your being as you embraced the concept of being completely owned by him.

“I never want to be away from him.”

“Come with me.”

“I want to build a home with him.

"Marry me.”

“I want to carry his legacy.”

“Be the mother of my children.”

You both have reached the same altitude of the orgasmic high as his sloppy thrusts, receiving a boost of stamina from the turmoil of ecstasy in his core, become harder and faster. He was going into you deeper, to the point that your body reacted by jolting upwards. Your hands pushed against his biceps as you desperately try to remain suspended in hopes to inhibit him from breaking into you further, trying your best to prevent him going in too deep.

But Heeseung’s arm around your waist, which up until this very moment had been supporting you, works against you as he reaches up to the back of your shoulder, grabbing hold to push you down steadily and firmly, holding you in place as he continues his desire to extend his reach inside of you. He feels himself tearing your open parts that would be unreachable for any other man. He pushes, tears, rips, and separates you.

You found your voice as you let out a murderous scream, letting out everything ranging from yelling out his name and your desperate pleas begging for mercy, which he did not honor. To your painful horror he kept going while attaching his open mouth against your ear, placing soft kisses on your helix. Your remained facing off to the side, giving him full access to your ear as you try to find some sort of comfort from his kisses, in hopes that it would distract you from the pain. It didn’t, fact is, there was nothing that could ease, let alone save you.

You lose your mind. You lose sight, hearing, and the ability to think as your body is forced to take in all his power. The moisture inside you grows, it was your body’s response to the trauma, as if making it easier for him to slide in and out was going to help take the shock of pain away from him ripping into you, reaching a spot inside. A spot in every woman’s body that should never be breached.

The union of your fluids was formulating inside you, starts to seep out from whenever he thrusted, dripping down his cock and eventually creating a pool on the bed spread. Your mind has become blank with darkness, the pain starts to become tolerable as your orgasm trinkles in, starting off light and increases to the triggering point where the explosive punch from deep within your core takes place.

At that moment, the worst pain you felt at the hands of this man became worth dealing with as a nuclear effect causes your mind, body, and soul to be covered by a blanket of overwhelming pleasure.

Your scream was high in desperation from succumbing to that pleasure and pain. He loved hearing it, but he had, though barely, enough sense to stay mindful that you both were still in a dorm room. He loosens his grip and shoots his hand to extend passed the back of your shoulder, reaching from behind the base of your neck and around to the side of your face, covering your mouth. He loved the feeling of collecting your pants with his palm, the heat and condensation from it all being a mark of his victory.

Prior to muffling it, the sound of your scream brought him the most happiness he’s felt in a long time. He hated that he had to cover it, but he felt grateful that he was at least able to hear and memorize it before forcing it back into your mouth through the barricade of his hand.

Your body goes limp yet continues to shake in thunderous waves all over as the high from your intense orgasm pelted you with kisses of pleasure. It gave you wings. Heeseung’s orgasm follows suit after feeling the palpations of your walls clenching and pulsating against him at a rapid rate. There was an indescribable feeling of pleasure and joy within him as he felt the filtering release of his cum seeping deep inside you, painting your walls as white as the clouds in the sky.

All his children swim inside you, dancing joyfully upon finally meeting the warmth, comfort, and protection of their mother. Sealing your lips with another tender kiss, you both remain in position at a standstill. His cock resting inside you, you’re almost certain he was still releasing his fluid, which you willingly accept and take in. You receive his kiss as you enjoy the first and unfertilized stages from the act of procreation, and you embrace the concept of motherhood even if his offspring were in their microscopic form.

“My beautiful girl…I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry about a thing. From now on, tell me what he’s done to you, and I’ll fix it.

Tell me you want a castle, I’ll build it.

Tell me you want the world, I’ll give it.

I’ll give everything, whether it’s my life or the sounds of the ocean, I’ll give you everything you want. It’s the least I can do, I’m so grateful.

I’m grateful to you.

I’m grateful to the love and creativity of your parents when they made you.

I’m grateful to him for giving you up.

I’m grateful to God for choosing you as his favorite. I’m grateful I get to keep you.

I’m grateful to the world, for once. I’m eternally grateful for finding you and even more so as I get to look forward an eternity with you.”

[cydanite]

Swamp Duo AU: A Conversation Over Tea.

4/9 - (FIRST) (<PREV<) (>NEXT>) (AU MASTERPOST)

(Ao3 LINK)

“Hopefully this is comfortable enough. I don’t really have space for guests inside, especially, uh...” Shelby takes another look at her new-found neighbor. For all she doesn’t know about them, they for certain are a lot bigger, scalier, and slimier then most other visitors she gets. The fish person, who she still doesn’t know the name of, carefully sits down on the wool blanket she'd set on the muddy ground. Their steaming cup of tea comically small within their glove-like hands.

“It’s fine. Thank you.”

She gives a stiff smile, sitting down as nonchalantly as possible at the other end of the blanket. On the ground the difference in size felt a lot more apparent. The way they hunch over to face her better. Their long arms extended awkwardly in front of them, how easily they could strike her while she struggles to stand back up. No, she breaths. No need to make rude assumptions until those assumptions have any backing in reality. The smile gets a bit less forced.

“So uh, we haven’t done introductions yet! My name’s Shelby. I’m a witch. N-not the scary kind though! And in training! I’ve been living here in the Evermoor for a few months now to focus on my studies and to help the people living nearby when they need magic! It’s a part of the Witch Academy curriculum.”

The fish person gives a small nod before turning to take a sip of their tea. They stare absentmindedly at something behind her. Man, she wasn’t good at leading conversations. She clears her throat a little before continuing on.”

“And, um, what’s your name?”

Her guest snaps back to look at her.

“Oh, uh. Jimmy.”

What a weird name for a 12-foot fish monster. Definitely the last thing she expected.

“Jimmy, that’s a nice name! I actually know a Jimmy!” She takes another sip of her tea. It burns her tongue a little. “And- and I don’t mean this to be rude at all! But uh, what are you, exactly Jimmy?”

The now Jimmy looks down into his cup for a second, brows slightly furrowed.

“Y’know I… I’m actually not entirely sure. A, um. A cod I guess.”

“… No.”

“No?”

“I mean- ack! I just, I’ve seen cod before and they’re usually… kinda small? And limbless and don’t talk. And they don’t live 1000 years. Wait are you what cod become if they live 1000 years?”

“No no, I mean, maybe? These are the questions I probably should have asked…” he pauses for a second before quickly taking a sip of tea. “I’d say probably not, I had limbs 1000 years ago so...”

“So you’re 2000 years old?” Shelby leaned forwards.

“I don’t want to be 2000 years old! That’s too old!”

“I... guess there is a 1000 year difference between being 2000 and 1000 years old.”

“1000 is too old too!" He sighs, exasperated. "Never mind. I’m getting myself confused” Jimmy slumped a bit more, pouting into his cup.

Before she can help herself, she lets out a small giggle. It was half the good idea of laughing to diffuse the tension and half the bad idea of laughing because seeing this fish person getting so worked up was just a bit funny to watch. Jimmy’s reaction looks a smidge surprised, he at least stops pouting when he looks at her, but he doesn't maul her for her slight faux-pas. Whew.

She sips her tea again. It's a smidge too cold now.

“I guess it doesn’t matter too much. But I have some smart friends I could ask, if you’d like to try and find out what you are?”

“What, with the witches?”

“Oh no! I mean-" She chokes a second. "Maybe they’d know? But uh, my friend here would be quicker to ask! And sending mail takes a while, y’know? Or I guess not since you live in the swamp. Or the sea?”

Jimmy looks past her again, cradling the cup in his hands. It's probably empty, given how large he is. If it got awkward again she could go back inside to refill it.

“I used to live in a swamp. When I had to leave it I lived in the sea instead. And then I guess I ended up in another swamp.” He puts his cup to his mouth again. She’s starting to suspect it’s definitely empty and he’s just doing that to be polite. Or for a pause, as is the purpose of talking over tea.

“This swamp is nice though! Didn’t have these kinds of trees at my old one.”

“Yeah, haha! They’re everywhere. You kinda uprooted one when you came out of the ground there.”

Jimmy looks behind them at the massive hole in the earth he was slumbering in an hour ago. “Oh, uh, sorry about that.”

“No it’s good! It’s good. I’ve been chopping them down around here so you’ve kinda helped me out a little!”

“Oh, okay.” He takes another fake sip.

She sips the last of her now cold tea in solidarity. Ugh, it was getting awkward again. With the catalyst of tea gone there was nothing left for them to do but talk about themselves. And that sucked. She instead stands up.

“If it’s alright, I’m gonna go message one of those smart friends I mentioned earlier, okay?” She gestures behind her, the universal symbol of “I’m going over there now”.

“Oh! Yeah sure. I thought you said mail would be too slow though?”

“Right! Right, I should have mentioned.” She puts her hands on her hips. It should be mentioned with a bit of authority, she thinks.

“I’m. An Emperor!” She realizes why she didn’t mention it. “Do you even know what that is?”

They’re staring again, right into her eyes. Or maybe it’s through her eyes. A few more second pass than she would like... she's made it weird again. She should start explaining it now.

“An emp-”

“I know what it means.”

Ah. Okay then! Explaining that the ground is magic and slightly sentient and gives whoever promises to take care of it and the living things within it cool powers like not-dying and being able to instantly communicate with other Emperors is one more thing she can remove from her to-do list. Neat!

“Alright, I’ll do that then. You stay comfy, okay?” She turns around before Jimmy can respond, which would have been rude if he did respond. Luckily he didn't, resolving to stare at nothing again. Shelby quietly releases a sigh crammed in her chest and pulls up her messages with Pixlriffs, the archaeologist that lived further inland. The tea was a good idea! It had broken the ice a little and that was all she'd wanted it to do. But it didn’t make the situation as a whole any less anxiety-inducing. She types up a quick message, trying not to let her nerves show in her writing.

ShubbleYT: Hey Pix! Nothing serious at all! Just was wondering if you knew anything about fish people? Since you’re smart and all. Thanks!

Perfect.

She looks back at Jimmy, who was now starring at his hand, opening and closing his fingers like he'd never seen them before... she turns again so they don't catch her staring, nerves making her shoulders tense. Sigh…hopefully Pix will have slightly more of a clue than she does.

#This scene made more sense to do in writing than through drawings. It came surprisingly naturally and I'm pretty happy with it! #swamp duo au #empires smp au #empires au #esmp au #empires smp #esmp #empires shubble #empires shelby #shubble #shubbleyt #empires jimmy #empires solidarity #jimmy solidarity #solidarity gaming #the codfather #mcyt #mcytblr

[zutaralesbian]

Tagged by the lovely @callivich to answer these Gallavich questions! Thank you, they were fun 😊

1. What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

You Can Bite Me by Shamelessquestions. I love the vampire trope so having arguably the most iconic author for the Gallavich fandom write something for it was a dream come true. And it did not disappoint.

2. What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

I can’t really think of a specific gifset but pretty much anything that involves paralleling Gallavich’s first ever scene with one of them getting married or engaged is my shit. It’s the journey.

3. What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

A headcanon that is my Truth and that I always stick to is that the first time Ian told Mickey he loved him was in 4x11 after Mickey came out.

4. What’s a fanart you love looking at?

This one ❤️

5. What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

I have a thousand different fic ideas running through my head at all times 😭 But one that’s been lingering in my head lately in particular is a canon divergence where Mickey completes his time in prison after S6 but doesn’t try to contact Ian after he’s released. Years later, they run into each other in a different city when they’re both in their early thirties and married to other people. They decide to catch up and try being friends. However, they quickly realize that the romantic feelings never fully went away and things spiral into them having an affair with each other. It’d be a super messy fic but would capitalize on the aspect of them being magnetic soulmates who ultimately can’t stay away from each other no matter the circumstances.

6. What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

Hmmm…tbh I can’t really think of anything in particular for this question

7. What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

I’ve said this before, but Gallavich is one of those ships that I feel like can fit into a large pool of AU’s. That being said, I would personally like to read more enemies to lovers and/or rivals to lovers. I kinda get why it’s a little rare since in canon, Ian/Mickey definitely are a friends with benefits to lovers type trope. But I can’t help it…I love reading fics where two characters fucking hate each other before falling in love lol

8. What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

S4. And it’s pretty much been that way since the first time I watched the show. Mickey is my fave so I’m definitely biased considering it was arguably his best season.

9. What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

I would have liked to have gotten to know more about Mickey and Mandy’s mother. I guess in a way it is kind of fun that the fandom can have their own headcanons about her. I kind of have a headcanon that Mickey and Mandy have a different biological mother than the rest of the Milkovich siblings because they look alike but both look different from Terry.

10. What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

This is another hard one because I personally feel that the fandom does a pretty good job of discussing and analyzing all of Ian and Mickey’s important scenes. I guess maybe the “you’re just a warm mouth to me” scene in S2. It gets overshadowed as far as angsty scenes go considering everything Ian/Mickey go through in their relationship later. But I feel like it was their first big heartbreak with each other.

11. What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

"When you meet the right person, you know it. You can't stop thinking about them. They are your best friend and your soulmate. You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare." (From How I Met Your Mother)

12. What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

I think they stay in their westside apartment for a little while but ultimately do decide to move out when their lease is up. They end up getting a decent place back in the south side, after both of them admit they miss it. Ian brings up the idea of them having kids from time to time but the idea still makes Mickey nervous. They compromise by deciding to try out being pet owners first and get a cat and a dog. (The cat being a stray they find on the streets and the dog adopted from a shelter). They run their security business for a while but eventually Mickey does encourage Ian to try something new, knowing his husband has a hero complex and might not be fully satisfied with a career that doesn’t involve him helping people. What that is, I’m not entirely sure. I’d like to see him go back into the medical field but I don’t know how feasible that is with him being a felon. But hey, it’s also the Shameless universe so anything is possible.

Tagging: @whaticameherefor @milkymickeyway @such-a-barbarian @auds-and-evens

I feel like most of my Shameless moots were tagged in the og post but if I happened to miss anyone feel free take this as a tag!

#gallavich #shameless #*

[chenfordsbby]

"Heartbreak"

Season 1, Episode 12 “Heartbreak"

“The team is on high alert during the most dangerous day of the year, Valentine’s Day; Oficer Nolan invites everyone over for a party now that he is single.”

Original Air Date: February 12, 2019

Written By: Vincent Angell

Directed By: Carol Banker

Happy Sunday again- back at it with Episode 12! Lets Get in the Shop, shall we?

Another cold open starting us strong with our favorite rookie trio! And this time it includes also seeing Sargent Grey off duty as well.  It’s obvious this episode is going to be centered around Valentines Day and perhaps some type of romance? Leave it to Nolan to ruin Grey’s romantic date night with his wife, who we are introduced too for the first time!

John wakes up on Valentines Day morning to a phone call from a flower shop having trouble being delivered to his ex-wife.  This is the first time in 20 years that John is single and on Valentines day and Ben realizes that too.  He offers to throw John a Valentines Day party that night to get his mind off of everything.

Angela and Wesley are getting dressed together after clearly spending the previous night together.  Their relationship is moving fast, but they seem to like each other.  At the same time though, Wesley seems to be a bit more in-tuned with his feelings than Angela is: the mentioning of Valentines Day gifts, wanting to spend more time with her, actually dating her.

Back in the roll call room Valentines Day morning, Grey announces, “Valentines Day is the most dangerous day of the year”.  I guess we are going to find out why.  Lucy notes that her T.O. is not in the roll call room, to which Grey says that Tim took a personal day, Angela can’t believe it as he’s never taken one a day in his life and Lucy gets succumbed to the front desk duty for the day.

The only valid reason as to why Tim would ever take a personal day: Isabel.  This is the first we are seeing Isabel again after laying post brain surgery in a hospital bed after the failed drug bust.  She is in a rehab facility and clearly clean and sober and doing good.  Even Tim notices, “You look like you again”.  This is a side we haven’t seen from Tim since the pilot.  It’s like Tim seeing Isabel sober and happy for the first time in a year has made him happy, as it should.  He sees his wife again.

Isabel and Tim are walking through the rehab facility, just talking. Something that they haven’t done in years.  Isabel tells Tim that she’s been talking to a therapist and how she needs, or wants Tim to trust her again.  Tim doesn’t blame Isabel directly for hurting him all those years, he blames the drugs because its the drugs that led Isabel to do what she did to him.  It was the addict in her.  Isabel says she will always be an addict.  Isabel informs Tim that she felt pressure after marrying Tim to live up to his standards, and that she felt like she failed in doing so.  Could that be a reason why she chose to go down a path of drug use for so long?

Tim looks distraught, obviously over hearing Isabel tell him that she never felt good enough being his wife, in lack of better wording.  Tim doesn’t want to be angry anymore, all he wants is his wife back, but he knows deep down that he really will never have Isabel back.  Isabel may be back to her old self but she isn’t the same person that Tim married, not really.  There will always be the weight and heaviness between them of Isabels drug use.  No matter how well Isabel does in her recovery and on her sober journey, Tim knows that he will always be the constant reminder to Isabel when she was at her very lowest at the height of her drug use.  Tim knows that in order for Isabel to 100% recover, he can’t be with her anymore, they can’t be married anymore and he tells her that it’s the end of their relationship.  His voice breaks, telling Isabel this, as it should.  He is telling his wife of 10 years that their marriage is officially over, even though he knows it’s been over for a while.  He does it for Isabel, so she can have the recovery that she deserves, but he also needs to do it for himself too. If they chose to remain married, it would never be like before; like before the drug use.  They could pretend everything is better, but it really will never be.  There would always be a cloud hanging over both of their heads, both of them waiting for the next ball to drop to affect their marriage.  For both of them to move on with their lives, they have to move on separately and accept that their marriage is done.  And that decision is the best thing to happen for Isabel and for Tim.  Even though he never gave up on her and their marriage even when everyone was telling him to do so, he has to end it here and now.  Even now, this still isn’t giving up, it’s giving each other closure; but as Tim is finally walking away from Isabel for the last time, you see the weight of everything that was Isabel and their marriage, finally life off his shoulders.  It’s the end of one chapter of Tim’s life but also the beginning of the very next one.

John invites Jackson and Lucy to his Valentines Day party at his house later tonight, to which Lucy and Jackson both accept.  He also invites Angela and Talia- Angela does not hesitate to decline but Talia also chooses to pass as she has plans already that Angela doesn’t seem too happy to hear about…

Jackson tries to talk to Angela about her personal life, asking if she’s going to be seeing Wesley for dinner later, but she reminds Jackson, “We’re friendly, not friends”- no personal talk, but Angela still chooses to confide in him anyway, telling Jackson that she saw that Wesley bought her a V-Day gift, even though Wesley doesn’t think that she did, and she doesn’t know what to do.  As Jackson and Angela take their guy into the station, Angela sees Wesley being taken in by a fellow officer in handcuffs, a judge booked him for contempt of court, which Angela is having fun with.  The first lovers quarrel happens right after as Wesley associates the officer in court with not only Angela but with basically every other officer, period.  “Even if he was, that doesn’t give you permission to hurt him like that” “Give me permission”.  Angela doesn’t like it and has someone else book him, clearly upset by Wesley’s comment.  

Wesley is still being held in a holding cell as the judge still doesn’t want him related yet.    Angela puts her pride aside and tells Wesley that if he gets released early enough, shell let him take her out to dinner, but Wesley already made plans for the evening.  You can see Angelas face fall, but she recovers and tells Wesley that its no big deal, but she does snoop in his belongings to see what his evening plans are; “Dinner-Melanie”.

Jackson and Angela are at the hospital to take a statement from an assault victim, but it seems Jackson is also there to flirt with the male nurse behind the desk, the same male nurse that Tim berated just an episode ago when he was there with Lucy from the needle exposure.  In the room with the assault victim, Jackson and Angela are asking him routine questions, but the victim really doesn’t remember anything, and they are on their way.  Nell tells Jackson and Angela that something doesn't add up with the call she sent them on to the assault victim because at the same time this guy was assaulted, there was also another call of derailed kidnapping, the woman who the assault victim was trying to kidnap turned the cards and started attacking him and Angela figures that out after questioning him again with Jackson because he slips up.

When Angela is back at the station to run some reports, Captain Anderson tells her that  after detectives looked into her hospital victim, they attached multiple abuse victims and even homicides to him leading him to be a serial killer that they have been looking for.  Angela texts that over to Jackson, who is still at the hospital watching over him, but when Jackson goes to check in on him, he pretend to have fallen only to attack Jackson, he knows that they are on to him.  

Angela sees Jackson on the floor of Kevin’s hospital room.  Kevin knocked Jackson out and took his loaded gun.  Angela chases him through the hospital stairwell and fights him until she finally gets the cuffs on him, not without a few bumps and bruises though, he didn’t go down easily. Angela gets to put away a decades long serial killer, good for her!

John and Talia are in the shop together, and John tries to insinuate a personal conversation between him and Talia but is not successful.  It still seems that this Rookie/T.O duo are the least to be bonded in any way, in my opinion.  Their relationship still seems out of place compared to Jackson and Angela and Tim and Lucy.  Something is missing still.  They respond to a car accident and a women gets electrocuted by live down wires.  John starts to giver her CPR and resuscitates her.  She is grateful, as anyone would be.  The woman whose live John saved turns up at the front desk of the station asking for John.  Desk Duty Lucy pages him over the loud speaker for her.  You can slice the awkward silence between Lucy and this woman as they are waiting for John with a knife.  This is the first time that Lucy is witnessing anything romantic happening with John since breaking up with him, which is why I think it is awkward for her, but I don’t think she cares, it’s just weird, especially when the woman asks John to come over and check up on her after his shift is done, AWKWARD.

John and Talia respond to an intruder call, as they sweep the house, it is clear and when they go to inform the home owner that it is clear to come out of the bathroom, where she was hiding in, it is the same woman who John rescued “Officer Nolan, came to rescue me again?”. Talia berates the woman for placing a false 9-1-1 call but John asks to speak to her alone.  Being very aware of his surroundings, John notices a wedding picture and asks about the woman’s husband, to which she tells him he dies in action almost a year ago and hasn’t been the same since until that very morning when John rescued her.  John lets her down easy telling her that he is not interested in her and what she is experiencing is pure adrenaline. I mean she only did get electrocuted a few hours ago that very same day.

John and Lucy are done for the day and start to head out to Nolans Valentines Day Party, which Lucy is quite hesitant to still go too because they run into Angela as they are leaving who tell them that her and Jackson are still working on their case so Jackson won’t be there, and we all know that Lucy only said yes to going because of Jackson.  Lucy and John are decorating Johns place getting ready for his Valentines Day party and Ben tells them that he invited over a date, and when he brings her in to meet them, it turns out to be the same woman again that John rescued, Denise. “Oh my God, what a small world”.  In an ever so John way, he tells Ben that she is just using him to get to John because she thinks that she has feelings for him when in actuality she’s just transferring those feelings that she still has for her late husband onto John.  Classic.  John finds Denise waiting for him in bed and she notes that she just wants someone to look at her the way that John looks at Lucy, because she tells him that she noticed that.  As John is going to get Denise out of the bed to get her dressed and on her way home, an empty pill bottle falls out of the bed, as she took all the pills.  John calls an ambulance and him, Lucy and Ben just need to keep her awake until they arrive.  Before the ambulance arrives, looking right at John, she speaks to him as if he was her late husband.  She just flat out misses him, she doesn’t know what to do without him there anymore.  It’s truly sad.  Even though we will never see her again, I hope she gets the help she needs.

Lucy offers to go with Denise to the hospital to make sure that she’s okay, mainly for John because he wanted to go with her, but also because I think she wanted to get out of staying at Johns Valentines Party, and this was her escape out.

Angela brings Talia her flowers that someone sent to her at the station, Angela knowing exactly who they are from: a married, not separated, man that Talia seems to be sleeping with, who went back to his wife.  Talia’s personal life is dicey.

At the end of the episode, Tim is back in the station, to do stacks of paperwork to get his mind off of everything that just happened with Isabel.  Nell sees him walking through the station, and Tim asks her to go have a very platonic Valentines Day drink with him, as he really needs a friend and she accepts.  I like this friendship, and I like Nell.  I hope we get to see more of her.  Tim deserves to have friends in his life, especially right now and she seems like one of the best.

Angela lets Wesley out of his cell as the judge finally lets him go- Angela lets Wesley know that he can make it in time to go have dinner with Melanie, but he isn’t too happy that Angela searched through his belongings, especially because Melanie is his step-mom. In Angela own words, “I really screwed that one up”.

Jackson goes to the hospital, to bring dinner for not only him but to the male nurse as well, I still don’t know if we know his name yet.  He seems very into him, and they go on a date in the hospital, exactly what Jackson intended to do. He looks happy, and this is the first time we are seeing him show any romantic interest in another partner, we love to see it!

John and Ben are packing up all the food and drink for Johns seemingly failed first solo Vanities Day Party, and John tells Ben that it felt good that Denise was into him, which Ben tells him, that makes him human.  To Johns surprise, Talia shows up at Johns, ready for the party to see that she’s the only one there, but that’s okay as she hangs out with Ben and John and wants to hear all of the dirty funny stories that Ben has of John fro their school days.

______________________________________________________

Honorable Mention: Lucys street style.  I love seeing it!

Episode Peak: Angela and Wesley! I love seeing their relationship come into fruition.

Episode Pit: Tim.  He has slowly became one of my favorite characters and seeing him so sad, really hurts.

Quote of the Episode: “I mean, what kind of husband would I be if I left you when you were lost? But you're not lost anymore. And I will always be a reminder of your lowest point of that shame you felt when you put that needle in your arm. So, as long as we're together, you're never gonna be able to move forward. This is the end” ~ Tim Bradford

Episode Rating: 8/10.  This was a solid episode.  It literally had zero Chenford in it, but that wasn’t the point of this episode.  It was for the ending and closure of Isabel and Tim and the start of Wesley and Angela.  I know well get out Chenford in due time, but it sucks without them, not gonna lie lol!

Until next time on “Get in The Shop”…

#The Rookie #The Rookie 1x12 #Heartbreak #Tim Bradford #Lucy Chen #Chenford #Angela Lopez #Jackson West #John Nolan #Talia Bishop #Get in the shop: the rookie re-cap blog #thank you again for reading this #I appreciate it so much #1x12 #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #lucy x tim #Tim x Lucy

[imfrom-neptune]

Rambly brain dump

I’m probably venting actually idk

Maybe don’t read this I just need to put it somewhere

I don’t think I realized that all the shit that happened just genuinely wasn’t as funny as I thought it was

Like it was happening and I was like “lmao my dad broke in a window tryna get into my house”. But let’s be real. My dad broke in a window tryna get into my house. What?? That happened to me? I was supposed to go to a concert that night. I missed it because I was helping to clean up glass and keep my siblings entertained. My dad broke a window.

I freak out when cars pass by my window and get nervous when people knock in the door cause it reminds me of the night my dad had cops shine lights through our windows at 4am trying to see if we were home. And the stupidest thing is no, my mom wasn’t home. I was alone and I had to be brave and deal with that by myself. Because she stayed out with her boyfriend and was too much of a coward to come back and keep me safe.

I stayed up until 5am packing up and moving and leaving my entire life behind. I live in a little house with a tiny pull out bed and a toy box as a bedside table. I packed my shit up while my mom was throwing away my things and yelling at me for not being able to carry things that were too heavy. I still packed my things and I still ended up in this sad little house and I still left my safe place and I can’t ever go back. That home belongs to someone else. That place isn’t mine anymore.

And this doesn’t even only apply to things that happened during the divorce.

I had to have been like six at most, and my mom had my mouth tapped shut while I cried in a corner.

I’ve been locked out on my front porch at least three times. I was maybe 12.

My mom has been throwing out my things for years. It started with toys when I “misbehaved”, and now it’s things that actually matter to me. She broke into my fucking locker thing just to get into my personal stuff and throw it all away. And then she had the nerve to deny it. She threw away my art because she didn’t like it. She took away the apps I needed to make YouTube videos because she didn’t like them. Everything I’ve ever told her I liked, she’s always found a way to ruin.

When my parents found out I was queer they yelled at me about it for hours. Punished me for it. Told me I could tell anyone I wanted but no one would ever believe me. And y’know what? I told my Opa and he believed me. They’re probably half the reason I was so scared to tell him. But guess fucking what? They were wrong. And now they want me to believe they’re soooo supportive? Fuck that.

In 7th grade I was (for lack of a nicer way to say it-) very suicidal and I struggled slightly with hurting myself. Ofc I didn’t hurt myself in a way that mattered, I don’t even have scars anymore, but regardless. They found out about this, and punished me for that too. I literally wanted to be dead, thought I deserved it, and they grounded me for it. Didn’t help me at all. Just made me feel worse about it. I got myself clean and I made myself want to be alive again. They didn’t do anything for me.

I’ve been hit for things I shouldn’t have been. Sometimes I made the mistake of fighting back. I haven’t been hit since the divorce, cause y’know, they want me to like them. But I used to be hit all the time and I’m now realizing how scary that really is.

I’ve been threatened to have cops called on me. I’ve been threatened to be abandoned. I’ve been threatened to be killed.

I’ve been told straight up that my mother regrets me. Which is the funniest (or, maybe not funniest?) thing because I was literally unplanned. Though my mom refuses to admit it, I did the math, and my dad told me. We all know.

And I guess I just find it easier to play it like a joke. But it’s sorta hit me over the past two weeks that it actually affected me and I actually have problems because of it. It’s not funny. I may have had a childhood full of toys but I also had yelling outside my door at late night hours.

And I just played it as a joke because I didn’t know what else to do. Now it’s too late to be upset about it. It’s all happened and now I’ve gotta grow up and pretend it didn’t. I didn’t get the good parents. And I can’t do anything about it.

and it’s so scary cause if they can fake 20 years of love, what does that say about me? I’m both of them in one. I’m every bad thing they’ve done, put together. I’m a result of those mistakes. Am I designed to be as bad as they are? Cause I desperately want to be nothing like them.

I wish none of this ever happened to me. I remember too much and at the same find half of my memory is blank. I don’t know why I deserved this, and it makes it so hard to believe I didn’t. Why would such bad things happen to me if I didn’t deserve it? I did it all by myself for what reason?

#vent post #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #shitty parents

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Day 9: Plants

(Disclaimer: only one of the characters in this story belongs to me. If you’d like to learn more about LevianthanPat, go here. This story is actually something of a sequel to the first time I wrote about him and EldritchPlier, who belongs to the Markiplier Cinematic Universe. CryptidXian is yet another one of the LxianEgos made by @sammys-magical-au; go here to learn more about him.)

(Trigger Warnings: body horror, implied sleep problems, implied nightmares/night-terrors, gore, blood, organs, body horror, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

(If you’d like to use distorted fonts like the one you’ll be seeing in this story, then I recommend going to FancyTextGenerator.)

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3   Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13

It feels like only a moment or two has passed since you closed your eyes for the night. 

Now you’re reopening them and finding yourself in something that is most certainly not your bed. Most other people would probably panic in this situation, but you don’t. You know you don’t have to.

For one thing, whatever you’re lying in isn’t a bathtub full of ice, either. ‘Matter of fact, as you push yourself to sit up, a decent amount of leaves fall away from your face to join the rest in the pile around you. They all come in lovely shades of red and orange and yellow; it makes sense, considering the state of the trees outside your apartment. 

For another thing, you can’t feel the leaves as you brush them away from your clothes. It’s not that your skin is numb—everything within touching distance just doesn’t have the texture it should have. The leaves don’t crunch or crackle under your weight (very unsatisfying, I know).  

You’ve learned to recognize this hazy, near-weightless sensation. 

You’re asleep right now. You’re dreaming. 

And you have enough experience to brace yourself right now. You may not know how or when it’ll happen, but you absolutely know that there’s going to be a twist here.

Hundreds of years of scientific progress have already passed. Research has grown, numerous experiments have been documented, and people can still only throw their best guesses at the concepts of sleep and all its weirdness.

You doubt humanity will ever be able to fully understand sleep. 

A bit of a pessimistic outlook, yes, but you have every single damn right to be a pessimist. 

It’s been months since the constant stream of nightmares started plaguing you. 

Ten months, to be specific. 

Ten. Whole. Months. Of having a raging dumpster fire for a sleep-schedule. 

(To be fair, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a bit relieved that the nightmares didn’t finally end at nine months. Because timing like that would’ve just been begging fate to open a whole new horrific can of worms for you. . .)

Sure, this has paved the way for you to become a somewhat lucid dreamer, but that’s not really a silver lining. Just because you’re aware of when you’re dreaming doesn’t necessarily mean you have any more power in aforementioned dreams than you did before. 

You’d think that, at this point, you would’ve been able to adjust the nightmares. 

You’re sure that you could’ve adjusted to them, but you cAN’T, BECAUSE THE DAMN NIGHTMARES ARE ONLY HALF OF YOUR PROBLEM!

You heave a sigh, dragging your dream-hand down the side of your dream-face. It feels like how the plume of smoke rising from a freshly-ignited scented candle looks.

Yeah, the impending scenario is going to suck, but there’s no point standing here and getting yourself worked up over it. In fact, that’ll probably just make things even worse whenever they do decide to happen.

Might as well just take it in stride. 

You pick yourself up, pulling a dream-leaf from your hair and letting it flutter down to the ground, which is blanketed by long, unkempt grass. Turning around in a small circle, you realize that you’re in the middle of. . .some kind of garden? There’s a decent amount of trees surrounding you, all at varying distances from one another, but it seems only one of them has actually shifted colors and shed its leaves. 

All the rest are in full bloom, their branches covered in flowers. You can recognize a crabapple here, a cherry blossom there, a few different Cape Myrtles. The explosions of color are so pretty that it takes you a few seconds to realize how the trees are twitching. Not swaying like they would in the wind—there’s no trace of a breeze around you. Twitching. Like wayward muscles in a person’s arms or legs.  

You chew your lip, making a note to not get too close as you start walking. The grass almost feels like water around your ankles. It’s not wet (thank God, because having to deal with wet socks on top of a nightmare would just be needlessly cruel); it just seems to have the same weight as a creek or a pond. 

You keep your head on a swivel, miraculously alert and aware for a sleeping person. You know there’s really no point, but you’d still rather at least see the danger coming than be caught off-guard. So, of course it doesn’t take too long for you to discover the patches of flowers that are growing around the bases of the spastic trees. It takes even less time for you to realize how the aforementioned patches apparently go on as far as the eye can see. Sure, there’s enough space for you to wander without accidentally harming any of the flora, but they’re still pretty much everywhere. 

It makes you think of anatomy textbooks, of their chapters on the circulatory system, to be exact. The grass-pathways can be compared veins, which would leave the flower patches and trees in the roles of larger organs. 

Logically speaking, wouldn’t that make you a germ? A foreign, invading virus?

You’re not sure, but that doesn’t mean you want to find out.

Even with your paranoia, you just can’t help but pause to kneel down and get a closer look at the flowers. You immediately have to rethink that choice when several stems all pivot in place in order for their blossoms to look back at you. 

A mix of roses and peonies, each one coming in either a dark or pastel hue. They’re all gorgeous. The slick, rolling eyeballs in the centers where the pollen should be. . .well, they come in different colors too, along with different pupil-shapes. Some of them are welling up with tears, which drip out between the petals and plop down into the soil. 

You have to swallow a lump in your throat, but at the same time, you don’t think the eyes make their flowers look bad. Just a little strange. It could be worse: they could be shooting lasers in your face.

For whatever reason, you offer a polite nod to the flowers before standing back up and continuing your stroll. Even as you move farther and farther away, you can’t stop feeling all those little eyes on you.

You’re casting a shadow—all of the plants are as well—but it’s dim and flickering. You can see everything just fine, but the light beaming down on this environment is dull. That doesn’t take away from all the colors, but it still makes you feel like there’s a thin dusting of tarnished brass over everything. 

You look up, craning your neck. 

The sky is completely and utterly filled with clouds. Rather than white, they’re a mixture of gray and a deep shade of mottled yellow, along with a tint of otherworldly blue around the edges. They really do look just like clouds always seem to look in abstract painting: a bit jagged around the edges, still and purposefully layered. You can’t see any trace of the sun (if there even is a sun in this dream). 

You keep glancing down at all the flowers you pass. Plenty of them have teeth lining their petals, along with little tongues that waggle up at you without making a sound and uvulas in the place of their stigmas or styles or whatevers. (None of these ones burst into song, to your slight disappointment.) 

A number of the flowers actually appear normal, if not simply weird-looking all on their own with no help from ever-shifting dream rules. Orchids of the bat, monkey-faced, naked-man, et cetera variety. A plethora of chimeras, pitcher plants, voodoo lilies, sundew, swaddled babies, dancing girls, baneberries. . .Hell, you even come across a few classics: sunflowers, tulips, sweet williams. 

But they all seem to have a sort of. . .fleshy aura. Like they’re bound to become abnormal one way or another and you’ve just so happened to catch them before the changeover. You don’t know how to make sense of them. 

Sooner or later, you come across a hill. It’s a small one, but standing on it can offer a good view of all the other flora around here. It’s also topped with one tree, keeping it  sequestered from all the others. You move slowly, carefully, squinting up at this particular tree. Once you’ve scaled the hill, you realize that it isn’t twitching at all. It’s standing perfectly still, like a normal tree should. Curious, you begin to pace around it. 

Your instincts tell you there are trees just like this in the real world, but you’re still positive that you’ve never actually seen one. It seems to be about thirteen feet tall, covered in reddish-brown bark. Oblong, glossy green leaves adorn its branches, many of which end in little clusters of hanging fruit. The berries are a cheerful color, soft orange enveloped by red, perfectly spherical with rough-yet-fuzzy-looking surfaces. They look a bit similar to strawberries, but you predict they’d taste a little more tart. A mild, sweet scent is wafting off of it from all angles. 

While it doesn’t have an entire patch of smaller plants to loom over, there’s still a generous amount of black flowers growing close to its trunk. You rack your brain as they stare at them. Morning glories? Hibiscus? No. . .hollyhocks. 

You’re so proud of your memory that it takes an embarrassingly long few seconds for you to notice movement between the flowers’ stems. (It’s honestly kind of hilarious, considering how you’ve been bracing yourself for whatever is going to make this dream into a nightmare.)

But then, out of the corner of your eye like The Shining, you see a gnarled, pale hand rise from the ground.

You freeze in place. A prickly sensation crawls along your spine. 

As you watch, the hand is lifted higher and higher into the air on an unnecessarily long arm. There seems to be an elbow-esque joint every twelve inches. By the time it could easily tap you on the nose, the hand dips back down, causing the rest of the limb to arc with a series of pops and clicks. The hand hovers by one of the hollyhock blossoms. A few bony fingers reach for those dark petals; sharp nails protrude from the cuticles, but they don’t tear into the flowers. No, they’re just. . .gently probing them. Almost like a curious toddler would. 

That allegory dies a quick death as the long, low creeeaaak of a tree branch breaks the silence, as you look back up to find a ghoulish face, angled upside-down, mere inches from yours. With nostrils ever-so-slightly flaring like a raccoon and dead, milky-white eyes drilling into yours, the creature announces, “฿ØØ.”

You don’t scream, but a high-pitched, unintelligible noise still escapes your lips as you reel back. You trip over your own feet, feeling as though a bucket of icy water has been dumped over your head as you collapse onto the grass. 

The creature snickers at your shock. As it turns its head rightside-up, bangs of black hair fall into place just above its eyes, matching the stubble growing along its jaw and above its lips. Its head ever-so-slightly pushes toward you. This helps you discover how its neck looks a lot like that arm protruding from the hollyhocks. The only difference is that it’s even longer. As you get to your feet and back away, you see how the creature’s neck is poking out from behind the fruit tree.

That’s. . .not possible. 

The tree’s trunk is thin enough to wrap your arms around. There’s no way it can actually be hiding the rest of this entity’s body.

And yet, that’s exactly what it’s doing. (Or maybe this creature just doesn’t have a torso? Who’s to say? Not you, that’s for sure.)

“₳Ⱨ, ₮ⱧɆ ØⱠĐ Ø₦Ɇ-₮₩Ø ₱Ʉ₦₵Ⱨ ₮₳₵₮ł₵,” Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe proclaims, speaking in what you believe to be a thick Portuguese accent. “ł₮'₴ ₳Ⱡ₩₳Ɏ₴ ₣Ʉ₦₦Ɏ.”

“. . .W-where the hell did you come from?” You blurt. You know that’s not the nicest thing to say right after meeting someone, but Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe literally started this off with a jumpscare. 

“₮ⱤɄ₴₮ ₥Ɇ, ɎØɄ ĐØ₦'₮ ₩₳₦₮ ₮Ø ₭₦Ø₩. ɆVɆ₦ ł₣ ₮ⱧɆ ₴₮ØⱤɎ ₩₳₴₦'₮ ₩₳₳₳₳₳₳Ɏ ₮ØØ ⱠØ₦₲, ⱧɆ₳Ɽł₦₲ ł₮ ₩ØɄⱠĐ ₴₮łⱠⱠ ₱ⱤØ฿₳฿ⱠɎ ₥₳₭Ɇ ₮ⱧɆ ł₥₱ØⱤ₮₳₦₮ ₱₳Ɽ₮₴ Ø₣ ɎØɄⱤ ฿Ɽ₳ł₦ ₥ɆⱠ₮.” Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe raises an eyebrow. “₦Ø₩ ₮Ⱨ₳₮ ł ₮Ⱨł₦₭ Ø₣ ł₮. . .ł ₵ØɄⱠĐ ₱ⱤØ฿₳฿ⱠɎ ₳₴₭ ɎØɄ ₮ⱧɆ ₴₳₥Ɇ QɄɆ₴₮łØ₦.”

The way your stomach sinks feels even worse that it would in the real world. 

You realize far too late that this entity isn’t just a product of your brain. He’s not just another nightmare. 

He’s a sentient being. He’s in a weight class of his own. 

And the fact that something like him is interacting with you while you’re dreaming does not bode well.

“I don’t want any trouble,” you insist, holding up your hands defensively. “I’m literally asleep right now. If I’m trespassing—or if I did anything to disturb you, I-I swear I didn’t mean to.”

The closest section of Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe’s neck is pushed upwards, folding horizontally. Two joints bend by either side of his head, pointed toward the sky. It’s only when the arm extends further from the hollyhocks, along with a second arm that stretches around from somewhere just out of eyeshot, and glides closer to him, hands spreading in a lame gesture that you realize he’s simply shrugging without shoulders. “₮ⱧɆⱤɆ'₴ ₦Ø ₮ⱤØɄ฿ⱠɆ. ł ₲ɄɆ₴₴ ł ₴ⱧØɄⱠĐ'VɆ ₭₦Ø₩₦ ɎØɄ'Đ ₣ł₦Đ ɎØɄⱤ ₩₳Ɏ ⱧɆⱤɆ ₴ØØ₦ɆⱤ ØⱤ Ⱡ₳₮ɆⱤ.”

“. . .What?” Somehow, you’re caught even more off-guard than you already were. “What do you mean by that?”

“ØⱧ, ₵Ø₥Ɇ Ø₦. ɎØɄ ₭₦Ø₩ ₩Ⱨ₳₮ ł ₥Ɇ₳₦,” Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe chuckles, lightly shaking his head. Even with the total lack of irises and pupils, he’s still able to give you the classic Seriously? look. “ł'₥ ₦Ø₮ ₮ⱧɆ ₣łⱤ₴₮ ₥Ø₦₴₮ɆⱤ ɎØɄ'VɆ ₥Ɇ₮. ₳₦Đ ł ₩Ø₦'₮ ฿Ɇ ₮ⱧɆ Ⱡ₳₴₮, Ɇł₮ⱧɆⱤ.”

You can practically feel the color drain from your face. You don’t try to stop yourself from nodding. You’ve been taking sleeping medication, practicing healthy bedtime rituals, yadda-yadda-yadda. 

And even if that stuff has been helping a little, it’s still pretty damn useless in the face of certain things.

Two things, to be precise. And they both start with P. (Well, as far as you know. You haven’t been able to learn their full names; apparently because you need multiple forked tongues for correct pronunciation. You’re still not sure why either of them bothered sharing this information, since you don’t exactly have faces to put those partial names to.) 

Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe watches you think, his face-splitting grin becoming thoughtful. He tilts his head to the side, edging just a little closer to you. The way his neck contorts through the air almost reminds you of a caterpillar climbing a tree. 

“How do you know about that?” You wonder aloud. You’ve learned that it’s pretty common for creatures like him to just know many things without actually having the means to, but you’re still curious. Besides, if he’s content with just chatting, then maybe he’ll stay that way until you’re able to finally wake up. 

“฿Ɇ₵₳Ʉ₴Ɇ ł'VɆ ₴ɆɆ₦ ł₮,” he answers. “₴Ⱨ₳ĐØ₩₴ ₥₳₭Ɇ ₱ⱤɆ₮₮Ɏ ₲ØØĐ ₲₳₮Ɇ₩₳Ɏ₴ ł₣ ł ĐØ ₴₳Ɏ ₴Ø ₥Ɏ₴ɆⱠ₣. Ɇ₴₱Ɇ₵ł₳ⱠⱠɎ ₩ⱧɆ₦ ₮ⱧɆɎ'ⱤɆ ฿Ɇł₦₲ ₵₳₴₮ ฿Ɏ ₣ⱠØ₩ɆⱤ₴.”

Your train of thought screeches its way into a collision. “Wait—so. . .so, you’ve been in my room before?”

“ɎɆ₳Ⱨ, ₳ ₣Ɇ₩ ₮ł₥Ɇ₴. Ø₦₵Ɇ ₩ⱧɆ₦ ɎØɄ ₩ɆⱤɆ ₳Ⱡ₴ɆɆ₱, ₮₩ł₵Ɇ ₩ⱧɆ₦ ɎØɄ ₩ɆⱤɆ JɄ₴₮ ØɄ₮ Ø₣ ₮ⱧɆ ₳₱₳Ɽ₮₥Ɇ₦₮,” he replies, very much unbothered by the way your jaw drops. 

You blink. You blink again. You begin to pace around in a small circle, hands subconsciously rising to grasp at your head like it might fall off. 

Memories of previous nights barge their way between your ears. The red light outlining your bedroom door from the other side. . .the pair of glowing eyes on the rippling figure looming against the glass of your window. . .their respective, concerning-yet-oddly-personable voices calling out to you, going back and forth between squabbling with each other and trying to convince you to let one of them inside. . .

“Do you know them?” You finally ask. You’re not sure where that question came from, but it feels like it could be important. 

For the very first time since you saw him, Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe’s smile fades. He clicks his tongue and chews his lip.“ɎɆ₴, Ʉ₦₣ØⱤɆ₮Ʉ₦₳₮ɆⱠɎ.”

Your nights of being a literal captive audience for Plier and Pat’s disputes have been terrifying enough. You never would’ve guessed that the one classic vampire rule could apply to outer abominations, but you damn well haven’t forgotten to thank your lucky stars for it. 

. . .Except now you’ve just learned that apparently not all surreal horrors have those limitations and you’re talking to one that’s pretty much had access to more than enough blackmail material and if he’s been able to do that then how many others have been sneaking in while you’re unaware and—

“ɎØɄ Ⱨ₳VɆ ₲ØØĐ ₮₳₴₮Ɇ ł₦ ₣ⱠØ₩ɆⱤ₴, ฿Ɏ ₮ⱧɆ ₩₳Ɏ,” Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe mentions. His seemingly-unconnected arms draw closer to each other, folding across his che—uh, neck. The left hand’s palm supports the elbow of the right arm as its hand idly grasps his lower jaw. “ł ₮ØØ₭ ₴Ø₥Ɇ ₵Ⱡł₱₱ł₦₲₴ ₣ⱤØ₥ ₮ⱧɆ ₱Ø₮₴ Ø₦ ɎØɄⱤ ĐɆ₴₭. ₳ⱠØɆ VɆⱤ₳, ₲₳ⱤĐɆ₦ł₳, ₳₦Đ J₳₴₥ł₦Ɇ, Ɽł₲Ⱨ₮?”

You’re snapped out of the near anxiety-attack in a way similar to a rubber band breaking. 

“Um. . .yeah, that’s right,” you cough, thinking of the three green friends you recently purchased from that nursery downtown. You’ve personally named them Sonny, Cher, and Yasmin, but that information doesn’t really seem relevant right now. Besides, there’s a good chance the monster already knows that.

Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe nods, and his grin reappears so quickly, like it never left his face to begin with. Despite his unsettling demeanor, you can still detect some genuine gratitude. “ł'VɆ ฿ɆɆ₦ ₥Ɇ₳₦ł₦₲ ₮Ø ₳ĐĐ ₮ⱧØ₴Ɇ ₮Ø ₥Ɏ ₵ØⱠⱠɆ₵₮łØ₦ ₣ØⱤ ₳ ₩ⱧłⱠɆ ₦Ø₩.”

You nod back, mind momentarily going blank. You’ve learned that there’s a slew of unsavory truths behind even the most unassuming things, but this guy’s apparent fondness for horticulture doesn’t seem too nefarious. (Read: seem. You still need to stay on your toes.)

About thirty seconds of painful awkwardness pass the two of you by.

Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe lowers one arm in order to drum his nails on the fruit tree’s trunk. 

You rock back and forth on your heels, biting at the inside of your cheek. And right as you have an idea of what to say next, a long, low, gurgling sound breaks the strange silence. Several more join it.

You and Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe glance down just in time to see how the black hollyhocks are trembling. The nearest one leans forward, with a round lump in its stem that definitely wasn't there a few minutes ago. You watch with confusion and mild dread as the lump works its way up, pushing at the plant’s green skin from the inside. Then, once the lump settles at the part where the petals all gather at the base of the flower’s head. . .it retches like a drunk college student on helium. 

The hollyhock angles its blossom downward, and to the tune of a long, sickening sssqqquiii-plop! a slimy heart is pitched out, landing on the grass with a solid splat. Strands of blood cling to the black petals. The bloom quivers in a way that almost looks like heavy breathing.

A small scream tears through your throat as you stagger back, unable to take your eyes off of the new mess.

. . .Well, that last part changes once all the other hollyhocks start spitting out a variety of wet organs, the blood threatening to spray on your clothes. You know it’s just dream-blood, and you know you’re just wearing dream-clothes. But you also know that there will always, always be unpleasant side-effects to touching blood that’s just leaked out of something it shouldn’t possibly be leaking out of in the first place. 

You clamp a hand over your mouth; the wave of nausea that rolls over you feels itchy and sweaty and poisonous. 

Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe, meanwhile, heaves a sigh as he leans toward the flowers. “ⱤɆVɆⱤ₴Ɇ Ⱨ₳₦₳Ⱨ₳₭ł,” he announces in a grim tone. His smile vanishes again, this time being replaced by a guilty wince. “ł ₥Ʉ₴₮'VɆ ฿ⱤØ₭Ɇ₦ Ø₦Ɇ Ø₣ ₮ⱧɆ ⱤɄⱠɆ₴ ₩ł₮ⱧØɄ₮ ⱤɆ₳ⱠłⱫł₦₲. . .Đ₳₥₦ ł₮, Đ₳₥₦ ł₮, Đ₳₥₦ ł₮. . .”

His neck encircles the tree, giving it some space as he examines each of the gore-spewing flowers. The worry in his features grows worse and worse. If not for your reasonable disgust, you’d probably feel sympathy. 

Eventually, he stops what you can only categorize as his method of pacing. His neck arches like that of a striking cobra as he purses his lips, obviously thinking. “₦Ø₮ Ⱡł₭Ɇ ł ₵₳₦'₮ ₮₳₭Ɇ ₵₳ⱤɆ Ø₣ ₮Ⱨł₴ Ⱡ₳₮ɆⱤ,” he murmurs. After retracing his path around the fruit tree, his milky-white eyes wander back over to you. 

Your breath hitches in your throat. You feel your eyes twitch and grow to the size of dinner plates. Your body doesn’t feel light anymore. It feels heavy, far heavier than what the scale in your bathroom suggested the last time you used it. A sensation that can only be described as pin-and-needles mixed with overwhelming heat oozes along your skin. You keep backing away. Mr. Nightmare-Humanoid-Giraffe. . .well, he doesn’t lunge at you. He doesn’t look angry enough to do that. But he’s still following you, still staring at you.

Out of nowhere, your ankle collides with something solid, and you fall back. 

You don’t topple into the grass. You don’t crash down onto anything.

Your vision swims, the world around you becoming an awful mix of spiraling colors and noise as you fall and fall and fall and—

Your ears pop as your eyes snap open. You gasp for air, sitting up with enough force that it’s a miracle you don’t trebuchet across your bedroom.  Your hands fly to your head, scrubbing at your eyes, pressing at your temples. 

And as your vision adjusts itself to the darkness, as you roll your shoulders to try and force yourself to stop shaking, you happen to peer over at the pots on your desk. 

Sonny, Cher, and Yasmin peer back, still and silent as always.

. . .Or, they are now. 

You swallow a lump in your throat, wondering if you actually just managed to catch Cher’s snow-white petals quivering.

@sammys-magical-au @inkbedos

#the thirteen days of goretober 2023 #goretober 2023 #my writing #my stories #cryptidxian #lixian #lixiantv #not my character #sammy's magical au's lixianegos #sammy's magical au #friendship #tw nightmares/night terrors #tw implied sleeping problems #tw body horror #tw blood #tw organs

[lyranova]

A Fractured Diamond

Chapter 12: Betrayal

Hiya guys! I know it’s been like…89 years since I’ve updated this series but I’m finally back to writing it 😤! This chapter is a little angsty and is very emotional towards the end, I want to thank everyone for being so patient with me and I hope you all enjoy 🥺💕!

Taglist: @thoughtfullyrainynightmare @succulentsunrise @vwdxwnsk , and a special thanks to @t-f-t and @funky-sea-cryptid for all their help with Aven 🥰!

Word Count: 3,205

Warnings: None

———

Neva stared at the young girl with soulless eyes, she was an elf? That made little to no sense, especially when you considered the elves had gone extinct many years ago! The woman laughed in disbelief. There was no way that this could actually be happening!

“ Nice try, kid,” Neva said as she crossed her arms. “ But do you really expect me to believe that you’re, not only, an elf, but that you’ve been using e as a host for years? What kind of illusion magic is this.” She muttered the last part to herself, and Aven tilted her head.

“ You don’t believe me…” She repeated softly as she made a small humming noise and tapped the tip of her index finger against her lips. “ If I show you, then would you believe me?” She asked Neva curiously, which made the older girl frown.

“ Show me? What…?” Neva asked in a confused tone, and before she could finish her question Aven waved her hand, and suddenly something similar to a screen appeared before her and her eyes widened.

She, Neva, was standing beside Klaus attacking what appeared to be Asta, Mimosa, and Yuno! She watched in horror as she ruthlessly attacked them, but as she spoke, she noticed the voice coming out of her mouth wasn’t really hers. It was Avens.

Neva turned slowly to see the girl grinning like a cat, she chewed the tip of her index finger as she giggled.

“ Judging by the look on your face, I think you believe me now!” Aven said with a gleeful giggle, and Neva glared.

“ What the hell is this?”

“ Wow, you really are dumb, I told you…didn’t I?” Aven frowned suddenly in confusion as she continued chewing on the tip of her finger. “ Maybe I didn’t? Oh well, it doesn’t really matter anyway since you’ll be disappearing soon.”

“ Disappearing soon? What makes you think I’m going to be disappearing soon?”

“ Because Licht told us so, you dummy! And Licht never lies!” The girl said as she stomped her foot and irritation laced her voice, Neva tilted her head, Licht? As in, the leader of the Eye of the Midnight Son? But how could he have told them that when he had appeared to be asleep inside a bubble?

“ Anyway, just go away, you’re boring, and I don’t feel like playing with you anymore.” The girl quickly said as she walked away, and Neva couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

The screen quickly disappeared and Neva couldn’t help but feel a sense of worry as Aven’s words rolled around in her head, she was going to disappear? Then, did that mean Aven was going to take over her body once her soul was gone? Neva quickly shook that thought out of her head, she wasn’t going to let that happen. And, she slightly hoped, that maybe her squad mates wouldn’t let it happen either, although she somewhat doubted it.

Neva walked over to where Aven was sitting and sat down next to her.

“ Since, according to you, I won’t be here much longer, you shouldn’t have any qualms about explaining all of this to me,” Neva said, as she crossed her arms, the girl looked at her and pouted.

“ Are you deaf? I told you already that you’re boring, and I don’t want to play with you anymore.” Aven said as she crossed her arms and turned away, but Neva persisted.

“ You’ve played with me all these years, so playing with me for just a little while longer shouldn’t be too difficult for you, should it?” Neva asked with a quirked brow, and she watched a surprised look flash across Aven’s face.

“ Well…I guess I can play with you for a little longer. But then you’ve gotta leave, okay?!” Aven said firmly as she turned back to look at Neva, who only smirked and nodded.

“ Of course, after you explain everything, I’ll leave.” Neva lied easily, the girl frowned for a moment before sighing.

“ What do you want to know?”

“ Everything. From the beginning.”

“ Ugh, fine, but it’s gonna be a long story,” Aven said with a dramatic sigh before she cleared her throat and began to tell her story.

“ I don’t remember much, to be honest, one minute I was at a wedding with my friends and family, and the next…I was in your body. I think you were the same age as me, you were really tiny!” Aven emphasized this by measuring with her hand. “ But you weren’t really happy, and you didn’t have any friends, and that made me sad. So I decided to be your friend, even though I don’t like and am afraid of humans.”

“ I’ve been watching you grow up quietly, but I also chimed in here and there as you noticed,” She giggled a bit. “ I watched all your good moments, your bad ones, and everything in between. It was like…I was living vivaciously through you.”

“ Well, in a way you were, since we shared the same body.” Neva pointed out before she suddenly frowned. “ ‘Vivaciously’? Do you mean vicariously?”

“ Yeah, that!” The girl suddenly shouted, and Neva couldn’t help but shake her head and try to suppress her laughter.

“ Anyway, one night, a few weeks after I first woke up, I heard someone calling out to me. I followed the sound until I reached a tower full of grimoires, and that’s where I saw Licht, and he explained everything to us. He explained how it was humans that had killed us, and that we should get revenge on them for what they did. And that we had the right to claim our host's bodies, since humans were the ones who caused us to be like this in the first place.” Aven said as she glared a bit at Neva.

“ Hey, I’m not the one that did it to you, so there’s no reason to hate me!” Neva said with a hint of irritation in her voice, but then she frowned in confusion. “ But there’s something I don’t really understand, how could Licht communicate with you when he was asleep?” Now it was Aven’s turn to frown.

“ What are you talking about? Licht isn’t asleep, you dummy, you saw him with your own two eyes. Multiple times!” Aven said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“ Multiple times?”

“ Uh yeah? His host is your freaking Captain!” The girl said as she crossed her arms, and Neva suddenly felt her heart stop dead in her chest.

What…did she just say?

“ You’re…you’re lying, that’s not possible…” Neva said, her voice soft and in disbelief, the girl had to be lying right? Her Captain would never-.

“ The only liar here is you, I pride myself on being honest,” Aven said with a pout, and she tilted her head. “ You really didn’t notice? You nearly caught them a few times, and you usually catch when people are lying to you…” Aven trailed off as she began to bite the tip of her finger, apparently that was a habit of hers.

Neva jumped up and stared at the girl, there was no way Captain Vangeance would betray them, betray her! He knew she didn’t trust anyone except him, so there was no way he would do something like that! He loved his squad, his kingdom, and its citizens, he wouldn’t betray them!

But then again…she had noticed him acting strange lately. He would disappear a lot, he would talk quietly in his office, and whenever the Midnight Sun appeared he was never around and Licht’s appearance looked eerily similar to the Captain’s…minus the scar on his face.

Neva suddenly leaned against the wall of diamond behind her and slid down to the ground, her face pale and shoulders slumping in defeat, it just couldn’t be true, and yet all the evidence pointed to the contrary.

“ You really didn’t know? I’m sorry, I should’ve kept my mouth shut,” Aven apologized. “ I know he means a lot to you-.”

“ I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it, not until he tells me himself.” Neva said quietly yet in a determined tone, she silently hoped that her squad members would hurry up and fix this, so she could find out for herself if what Aven said was true.

The two fell quiet for a few moments, Neva’s mind reeling at the elf’s words, but Aven seemed absolutely calm. She smiled, hummed, and danced around as though it were a normal day. Neva watched her, she was only a child and yet had lost her life in such a dramatic and terrible way. What was a joyous moment quickly became a joyless one, and it dramatically changed her life, something Neva could relate to.

Suddenly, Neva heard a sniffling from behind her, and she frowned and turned around. Behind her was a tall wall made out of diamond, it was as tall and round and looked similar to a tower. She stood up and began to inspect it closer as she heard a few more sniffles, was someone on the other side?

Neva walked along the wall for a few moments before her eyes saw what appeared to be a small crack, she quickly bent down and peered through it.

Inside the wall there appeared to be a small child, they had their knees pulled up to their chest and their arms wrapped around them. Their long hair also shielded their face, but she could clearly see their shoulders shake, confirming to her that the child was indeed crying.

“ Hey kid, are you okay? Do you need some help?” Neva asked, but she received no response, the child just continued to cry and sniffle.

“ It won’t work, I’ve tried talking to her lots of times, but she never answers. All she does is cry.” Aven said as she walked over. “ And don’t bother trying to cut through the diamond either, I tried using lots of my Graphite magic, but it didn’t even make a dent.” Aven pouted as she peered through the crack as well.

Neva looked at the girl more closely, she looked so familiar and yet almost completely unrecognizable. It was like Neva had seen her a long time ago but just couldn’t place her.

“ How long has she been here, locked inside this room all by herself?” Neva asked softly, and she heard Aven hum from beside her.

“ I dunno, I think we got here around the same time. But she’s always been inside this stupid tower.” Aven said as she kicked the wall in irritation. “ So it’s been around 9 years, I think?”

Neva’s eyes widened, 9 years? Her purple eyes suddenly began looking at the girl's clothes. She wore a knee-length dark purple dress with a white cardigan over her shoulders, but on her clothes, Neva could clearly see dust, dirt, and a few rips on her dress that showed signs of a struggle. This girl…

“ I think she’s-.” Neva suddenly started before she heard Aven gasp and suddenly begin to whimper from beside her. Neva moved away from the wall and walked out towards her.

“ Hey, what’s going on? Aven, talk to me!” Neva said, as she reached out and grabbed the girl by her shoulders, the girl began to cry and whimper.

“ I don’t know! It’s like I’m seeing a lot of pictures all of a sudden!” Aven said as she clutched her head. “ I’m seeing a lot of good things, and a lot of bad things too!”

Neva watched the girl, could her memories be coming back? If so, then did that mean that everyone succeeded? Neva had no idea why she suddenly reached out and hugged the girl, but she did.

“ It’s okay, I’m sorry it’s scary, but it’ll be over soon. I won’t leave you here alone, you’ve been with me for so long, and now I’ll be here with you too.” Neva said softly as she tried her best to comfort Aven, she wasn’t really the best at comforting people, but she was certainly going to do her best.

Aven hugged Neva back and cried, but after another minute or two, the girl’s cries turned into small sniffles. She pulled away from Neva and suddenly looked at her; Her dark purple eyes which were cold and lifeless before were now suddenly warm and vibrant, instead of a dark mischievous smile, it was now bright and playful.

It was as though the girl had come back to life.

“ I remember everything now. My dad, my siblings, my friends, even my real name! I remember it all!” Aven said proudly, and Neva’s eyes widened in surprise.

“ Your real name?”

“ Yep! I thought it was Aven, but it’s actually Nene!” The girl said with a happy giggle, causing Neva to grin before playfully patting her hair.

“ I’m glad you remember it all,”

“ I am too! I didn’t realize just how much I missed my brother and sister, and especially my papa!” Nene said before tears welled up in her eyes. “ I wonder if they’ll hate me because I forgot them…”

“ I don’t think they will, in all honesty, they probably forgot about you too until now,” Neva said bluntly, making her wince, she should have at least tried to be a little more…gentle with her words. But Nene giggled.

“ You’re probably right!”

And suddenly the girl began to fade away, like smoke in the wind.

“ Thank you for playing with me and for being my friend Neva, I had loads of fun! Maybe we’ll get to see each other again someday!” Nene said cheerfully but with tears in her eyes, and Neva grinned before nodding.

“ I hope so too, Nene, and thank you for keeping me company all these years,” Neva said softly as the girl disappeared into thin air, as though she never existed in the first place.

Neva watched as the white room around her began to disappear, but before it did completely she took one last, sympathetic look, at the girl in the diamond tower.

She had a feeling that the crack in that diamond wall was going to be completely sealed shortly.

—----

Neva groaned quietly as she suddenly opened her eyes, she blinked a few times to get her eyes to adjust to the low light. It appeared she was back in the ‘real’ world. She looked to her left and saw it was completely dark outside the window, she sat up and suddenly heard shuffling from beside her.

“ Neva! Oh, thank goodness you’re alright!” Mimosa said, her voice full of relief. Neva saw Klaus standing beside her with a worried look in his eyes before they became filled with relief. Her purple eyes moved a little more around the room, and they suddenly met a pair of amber eyes.

Yuno stood at the foot of the bed, his face and body language gave off a serious impression, but his eyes held a worried look in them. ‘Are you ok?’ They seemed to ask without him even saying a word, and Neva nodded in response.

“ What happened? Is everyone alright, what about the Captain?” Neva asked quickly and in a serious tone, the three all suddenly looked at each other. “ Just tell me.” She added, and she watched Mimosa wince a bit.

“ Well…”

Then Mimosa began to explain everything to her. How all the Golden Dawn members had been possessed by elves, along with a few other Magic Knights and Magic Knight Captains. How a lot of cities and towns were destroyed because of them, and how many people lost their lives. How Yuno also had an elf soul but wasn’t possessed like the others were, and how the Licht they had been fighting against this whole time wasn’t actually Licht but was someone named Patri, and…

“ Captain Vangeance, he was possessed too, and by Patri no less,” Mimosa said slowly. “ But not only that, apparently he knew of Patri’s plans and was actively helping him recruit mages that had elf souls. Which is why the entire Golden Dawn was possessed, and he also-.”

“ He knew…what Patri and elves were planning, and he was helping them?” Neva repeated slowly, and Mimosa nodded sadly.

Suddenly, Neva jumped up and walked quickly out of the room.

“ N-Neva wait!”

The platinum blonde-haired girl ignored the calls and shouts from her squad mates and walked quickly, and determinedly, to Vangeance’s office. She needed to hear it directly from him!

She could pass off Nene’s words as lies, but Mimosa’s? Mimosa had no reason to lie to her, especially since she didn’t know of Neva’s close ties to their Captain.

Soon, almost too soon, Neva came upon Vangeance’s office door. Without even thinking, she grabbed a hold of the doorknob and twisted it, but it stopped mid-turn. It was locked. So, Neva did the next best thing she could think of; she banged her fist against the door loudly.

“ Captain! Open the door, I need to ask you something!” Neva shouted loudly as she continued banging against the door.

“ Is it true?! Is what everyone’s saying true, that you betrayed us, that you betrayed me?!” Neva shouted, her voice suddenly growing dry.

“ You…did you only save me that day because I had an elf soul, did you only take me in because Patri told you to?!” Neva shouted in anger. “ You…you never cared about me, did you? I thought…I thought we were family…” Her voice suddenly grew soft, and she noticed a shadow move underneath the door, signaling that Vangeance was on the other side, listening to her.

“ You…you were the only person I’ve ever trusted since that day, and you betrayed that trust. Why…why did you do that? Did I ever even matter to you?” She asked quietly, and she watched as the shadow moved. “ If you open that door…I just might kill you.” The shadow moved again as though he took a step back.

“ If I had known that this was the real reason you saved me that day, I would have never joined the Magic Knights. I would have never idolized you. I…hate you, and I wish you had never saved me that day…Captain Vangeance.” She spat his name and title coldly, she saluted the door with a trembling hand before walking away towards her room.

Neva slammed her bedroom door shut and, in her anger, she ripped her cloak off and threw it into the corner of her room, feeling disgusted just by looking at it. He lied to her, for all these years, he made her trust him only to use it against her. She sat on the floor, with her back against her bed, she pulled her knee’s up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them before burying her face.

She wouldn’t cry, even though she was angry and really felt like crying, she suppressed her tears. It was her fault for trusting him, she should have known better. She should have known this would happen, but she ignored it, and now it came back to bite her.

Her diamond heart, which had a small crack in it, was now completely sealed because of this betrayal.

She would never trust another person for as long as she lived.

———

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

#black clover fanfic #black clover fanfiction #a fractured diamond #fractured diamond #oc neva #yuno grinberryall #oc; aven #william vangeance

[butterfliesonthewall]

Game Recommendation for Fellow HeR Nancy Drew fans!!

I know I can’t be the only fan of HeR Interactive’s Nancy Drew series searching for more games with adventure, mystery, and intrigue, right? So I figured: why not? I’ll just throw up a post talking about one of my Special Interest™ games that isn’t one of the Nancy Drews: The Last Express.

If you just want the quick TL;DR version, I would summarize it with: captivating artwork and animation, excellent score and sound design, intriguing mysteries and storylines, brilliant writing and character dialogue, superb acting, and literally the most in-depth real-time mechanic I've ever seen. If you purchase a copy, I would urge you to get the original version on GOG, not Steam’s “Gold Edition” of the game which fubbernucked the menu and has tons of audio glitches. Also: be sure to check the game’s ratings and content warnings beforehand, to make sure you’re a player of appropriate age. Enjoy, friends!

Back to the main post. So, just for a quick bit of backstory: I first got into the Nancy Drew series when I was around 8-years-old, thanks to the recommendation of a friend I had at the time, and I also somewhat got into more difficult puzzle games like those from the Myst series as I got older. Around 11 or 12, my parents brought out an old copy of The Last Express and said they figured at that point I was probably old enough to play it without being scarred for life by its more mature themes. So one night, I popped the first of three discs into my mom’s old Windows Vista (barf), and within mere seconds of the opening, it became one of my favorite games of. all. time. No, really: this game completely changed my understanding of exactly how good storytelling in games could actually be, if done right. I have seen so many games try (and fail) to do what The Last Express does seemingly effortlessly: blend together cinematic storytelling and gameplay in a smooth and balanced way.

(Trigger warning for the trailer!! Contains a few brief shots of blood and violence.)

Seriously, I don’t understand how underhyped this game is. Supposedly the company that released it, Broderbund, really screwed it over by giving it basically no advertising or exposure at all leading up to, and even following its release. My main theory is that this may be due to possibly believing it might not turn out profitable enough to make up for such expenses, since it’s a game that was highly experimental for its time and dabbles in rather niche and esoteric interests, making it a rather enigmatic piece even to this day. I guess the, “Why?” doesn’t really matter now, though.

Either way: I feel that truly did both the game itself and the gaming community as a whole a disservice, since I firmly believe that if this game had been successful, it could have changed the entire frontier of gaming for years to come, particularly in terms of storytelling and character writing. (This game also really makes you appreciate how much “small” details actually matter, BETHESDA / modern HeR.) A big part of the reason I'm writing this review is that I'm hoping at some point this game will get a second chance at glory with the help of the internet.

Now what’s so great about it? Well probably the very first thing you’ll notice about this game is its rather unique art style. The technique used was a blend of rotoscoping both still shots and filmed sequences of live actors and props against blue-screened sets, which were later filled in using digital 3D modelling.

I’ve heard some people describe the art in this game as “ugly,” and while I can agree that it is certainly dated by both modern rotoscoping and 3D modelling standards, personally I can’t say I agree that it’s “ugly” by any means. This was incredibly revolutionary for the time period the game came out in, and while not all of it looks flawless, the game still manages to achieve some truly visually stunning moments. Not to mention, seeing characters that appear so much like real people makes the game incredibly immersive, to the point that once, while waiting in the corridor for a specific time of day, a woman walked past me and excused herself, and I actually replied, out loud, to my computer, “Oh, sorry,” and it took me a solid minute after that to even realize what had just happened.

Don’t worry, though: if the visuals alone aren’t enough to grab you, more good things are on the way.

Another great thing about this game that you’ll notice straight-away is the score: this is hands-down one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard in a game. It sets up the tone and emotions for every moment perfectly, and can be quite chilling during the more dark scenes. The music in particular is one of the aspects that I think will appeal highly to fellow Nancy Drew fans, since it’s in a similar vein to many of the soundtracks in the ND series.

In fact, the all-around sound design for this game deserves praise. The sound effects used were all perfectly balanced and created a palpable ambience to the game, making you effectively feel like you’re really on the train. There’s also a very effective use of train sounds in general, particularly in regards to the sound of one braking hard. I swear, this chilling stinger that is heard each time you get a game over is permanently seared into my brain. (As heard in the trailer video, for those curious.)

So brushing away the game’s more “superficial” pros for a moment, what’s it even about? Well, the year is 1914, and you play as a doctor named Robert Cath, who has been wrongly accused of murder and is currently on the run from both the British and French police. Prior to the start of the game, Cath received a telegram from an old friend named Tyler Whitney, claiming he had come across something “exceptional” that required Cath’s assistance. Managing to hop aboard the Orient Express, Cath eventually discovers that Tyler has been murdered, finding him dead and bloody on the floor of his compartment. The rest of the game is a dive into the deepest secrets and personal lives of the other passengers while you, as Cath, adopt Tyler’s identity and attempt to figure out who killed him, why, and where his “exceptional” finding has disappeared to.

The story is a complex web of secrets, lies, puzzles, romance, political conspiracies, art, war, and bloodshed. To give away anything further would enter dangerously into spoiler territory. It’s best to go into the game as blind as possible so you can be totally swept up in its many twists and turns.

This game also has excellent writing, particularly in terms of character interaction and dialogue. Each character is uniquely written and memorable, making it very easy to want to engage with them and learn more about them.

I also have to give praise to the acting. Every single actor gives a stellar performance, even in the more “modest” roles. There’s not much more to be said there; it speaks for itself.

But by far the biggest selling point to the game, at least in my opinion, is its real-time mechanics. This is a game that can not only be played fairly non-linearly, but has a great deal of replayability as well since every character operates on their own schedule of events. The ability to rewind and, to a limited degree, fast-forward time in the menu allows you to explore multiple possibilities, as different events are taking place at the same time all over the train. Not only that, but the creators were quite thorough in making sure that players could explore every single possible decision, which resulted in a highly detailed script at nearly 800 pages long. I am not exaggerating the least bit when I say I have played this game to completion more than a dozen times, and have discovered something new I'd never seen before every time I've played it. Even to this day, I’m still learning things about this game I didn’t know before.

Much like the artwork, the real-time and time-rewinding mechanics were both revolutionary in the industry at the time of this game’s release. Jordan Mechner, the game’s designer, was the original creator of Prince of Persia, and implemented similar time mechanics in that series to those he would go on to use in the Last Express, albeit with a heavier emphasis on storytelling than action in the latter.

Two very important things to note before I wrap up this little review. First of all, while I do recommend this game to fellow Nancy Drew players, I'm recommending it specifically to older players. While I wouldn’t describe this game as particularly “edgy,” it does contain a fair amount of adult themes, such as: nudity, low-level (mostly implied) sexual content, smoking and drinking, a few mild profanities, onscreen violence and bloodshed, and some very grim deaths. It is not child-friendly, so be advised of that.

And secondly, be careful about where you purchase this game. GOG and Steam are the two main sites peddling it, but they’re both selling versions that are different enough to really impact your gameplay, depending on which one you choose. GOG’s version is completely faithful to the original and far less buggy, but Steam has what it calls, “Gold Edition,” and while it cleans up the UI a little and comes with a Hint System to assist players, (as well as the admittedly interesting addition of character screens, though I prefer the mystery and intrigue of not knowing the other passengers’ backgrounds, getting to learn them for myself as I play and explore) I can’t recommend it on the grounds that it’s super buggy, particularly with audio, and completely ruins the charm of the original menu screen. Obviously whichever you choose is your decision, but I would strongly advise purchasing The Last Express on GOG, rather than Steam.

So if this little review persuaded any of you to try it, please feel free to reply to this post, or reblog it and share your opinions and theories! I’d love to see what response my fellow members of the Clue Crew would have to it in particular!

#nancy drew #the last express #game recommendation #ND #HeR Interactive

[duhragonball]

Super Dragon Ball Heroes 41-43

Ma’am, you must be new.  That’s all they ever do around here.

We’ve finally reached the home stretch, which is the Supreme Kai of Time arc that begins in Episode 41.  As far as I can tell, the arc continues through Episode 49, and still isn’t finished.  I think episode 50 will go live in a few months, but it still hasn’t been scheduled, so my plan is to just cover up to 49 and maybe write an update later in the year.

Also, since I’ve only got one arc left, I’m going to treat myself and do this three episodes at a time, so we can go over this at a more leisurely pace. 

We open with Chronoa, the Supreme Kai of Time, meeting with her predecessor, Aeos.  I’m confused about how this works, since you would think Aeos would have died before Chronoa was appointed to take her place, but I guess we’ll learn more about this as we go. Anyway, Aeos disapproves of the way Chronoa has allowed so many alternate timelines to propogate, so she’s come out of retirement to confiscate the Scroll of Eternity. Chronoa vows to resist this, but Aeos has backup in the form of those guys in hooded uniforms, like Brown Goku from the last arc.

Soon after this, Goku is invited to a special competition called the Super Space-Time Tournament.  Goku’s in like Flynn.

Goku arrives to find the usual suspects: Jiren, Hit, Piccolo, Gohan, Vegeta, and... Yamcha?  He says the tournament promoter knows what’s up, and I agree.  Good luck, Yamcha.

I had heard SDBH was doing a tournament, but didn’t understand how they could hope to do a tournament arc justice in this kind of format. Well, this one’s pretty quick.  It’s 12 teams of 7, so that’s 84 fighters competing all at once, similar to the Tournament of Power, but the time limit for the first round is only 24 minutes.  To advance, your team can either defeat every other team on the board, or you can capture one of three fairies that are fluttering around the battlefield.

So only three teams can advance, and the other 63 fighters will be eliminated, so I don’t want to spend a lot of time talking about those guys.  Suffice to say, there’s a Ginyu Force team, an all-Androids team, and so on. 

There’s some decent matchups here, like Broly vs. Jiren, Goku vs. Xeno Goku, Trunks vs. Tapion, and Janemba vs. Kid Buu, but none of these get much time to shine, so it sort of doesn’t matter.

Oh, right, Hit vs. Hirudegarn.  That’s pretty cool.

Also, Turles vs. Super Saiyan 3 Raditz?  Neat.

It all looks really cool, except it gets cut short when Yamcha captures a fairy by luck, and his entire team gets teleported back to where they started from. 

There’s a Time Patroller team, and they also caught a fairy, so that’s two teams who advance.  The third is a team with Hearts, Cumber, Cooler, and Frieza, among others. 

What about the others?  Well their timelines were erased once they washed out of the tournament.  One of Aeos’ guys explains that rule, and Trunks angrily attacks, demanding to retrieve the Scroll of Eternity for Chronoa.  They fight for a while, until...

Aeos steps in and freezes time to halt their brawl.  They were in the middle of shooting energy balls at each other, so she opens up portals to make them disappear.  Aeos explains her position on how there’s too many timelines, and she intends to use the tournament to solve that problem.

So on to the second round.  The surviving 21 fighters are divvied up and sent to four different battlegrounds.  There, they must attempt to capture a fairy from one of Aeos’ hechmen, and deliver it to her in the center of the four areas.  I think that’s the idea, anyway.  Since there’s three teams and four fairies, I guess that means one team must score at least two fairies, which would make them the winner. 

At the Namekian battleground, Aeos’ man disrobes to reveal he’s another Piccolo.  Gohan and our Piccolo are the representatives for “our” team.

Curiously, three of their teammates are on this other battleground: Yamcha, Vegeta, and Hit.   Their opponent is Vidro, who seems to be of the same species as Lagss from Hearts’ gang about 25 episodes back.

On the third battleground, Trunks continues his fight with the guy from before, and it soon becomes clear that he’s...

Future Gohan, from a timeline where he survived the Androids, but Trunks and Bulma did not.  Somehow, Aeos recruited him and empowered him with the Dark Dragon Balls, and he’s resolved to never be weak or defeated again. 

They do battle, and Trunks is dismayed to find that Gohan is very different from the man who taught him all those years ago. 

So that leaves Goku and Jiren in the fourth battleground to face...

Well, whoever this guy is.  You figure it out.  I can’t be bothered.

#dragon ball #super dragon ball heroes #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #goku #supreme kai of time #aeos #trunks #vegeta #yamcha #jiren #hit #piccolo #gohan #vidro

[mrsalenko]

.

find myself a bit anxious tonight about work. not being ‘perfect’ bothers me. small mistakes that i blow into big things. no one can keep up with the standards i judge myself by but i can’t help it. i had such bad work experiences since moving that now in desperate to perform well even on crap that doesn’t really matter and i wouldn’t have cared about before. idk why tonight is bad, my days aren’t bad. i have bad trichtiliomania stress compulsion tonight and that makes me stress more.

i also have been thinking of how permissive and gracious and endlessly patient my older sister is with her kids vs how downright mean, judging and harsh she was to me when i was a kid and when nan was dying. (she is about 14 years older than me) she would reduce me to tears telling me what i should and shouldn’t do especially around nan, how i never should have quit university, that i was wasting my life and potential whatever, that i should move, that i should do this and that. she tried to make me for a mould i never was gonna fit. im not like her, her childhood was completely different from mine… and her kids are the opposite, she drives them around whenever, hours and hours after working all week, never pressures them or judges them, or makes them work jobs they hate, heck her son quit school before year 12 without any fuss. she and her partner would gang up on me alone and try to get me to handle things the way they thought i should

where was that chill energy when i was young? that bothers me for some reason, maybe how it affected me so badly about thinking i was a loser and just a waste of potential and always handled everything (like nan’s illness and death) wrong, when no one ever actually practically helped me cope. i was a freaking kid, and i was only 24ish when nan finally died, only a few years older than her oldest, who she babies to the extreme. nan was the only adult in my life who ever loved me genuinely for me, weirdness and anxiety and failures and all. she never judged me, never made me feel less that perfect just for who i was. my mum and dad thought i was all kinds of weird, a failure, unable to cope with anything and useless

so why was my sister so hard on me? sometimes i wish she would reflect on that. the unfairness of it all kind of hurts? no one except nan ever cut me a freaking break and they certainly all contributed to me being so anxious and having problems with perfectionism and what i should be doing or achieving. i always feel like i’m behind and wasting whatever it is because i’m not achieving at 100% level, always feel like a failure for just being what i am.

my sister is great now. listens to me. doesn’t tell me what to do, is supportive. but only since she got older and her kids got older. the damage is freaking done you know? you can’t unfrick a person up sometimes. she just didn’t know better how pressuring she was i guess. i still run every life decision by her like asking for permission. i never feel confident in my own choices or direction despite being on my own and coping alone for a very long long time now.

i cannot believe still how much i miss nan. the grief is bottomless, absolutely bottomless. having someone who loved you exactly for you… and having every trace of that erased from the world, never feeling loved and understood completely again.

so long story short… i stress about not being good enough and people not liking me or feeling that people think i’m stupid and never measure up and it takes so so much energy always trying to be so vigilant

#sad rambles #i’m fine it’s just a hard night cos i’m tired and feel anxious

[ladytauria]

19, 24, 33, 34, and 43 for the weirder asks!! -@bi-bats

💞💞💞💞

19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

ofc! i make no promises on quality <3 but i’d be happy to give it a go (semi related; i rly like the smell of nail polish)

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

chatting! about anything! possibly also having a picnic. i have a terrible fear of heights, but also, having a picnic on a rooftop sounds fun/cool <3

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

hm 🤔 i do not actually get out much ^^;

okay, it wasn’t really much of an adventure BUT, the other day, i couldn’t find one of my cats. i have three, & the missing one was my (almost) 12-year-old so i was extra freaked out, lol. i went upstairs 4 times looking for her, combed over all her usual spots, & she was nowhere to be found.

finally i thought: did she manage to go outside?

of my three cats one is an indoor-outdoor cat (not rly by choice), and the other two are indoor only. however, we also live on a country road, so people tend to drop strays off (who then go on to have more cats, bc it’s expensive to neuter/spay them; hard to capture them; and the local shelter only accepts dogs, at least according to what i’ve been told). the newest group is actually very friendly bc we found them as babies, but that means they all try to come in. so it’s very possible that as we were fighting off the hoard of cats, she got out. or she got out during another time someone went out. doesn’t rly matter!

the point was, she DID make it outside, and when i noticed/went out to get her, it was dark. (i’m a terrible pet parent 😔)

anyway, the brat made me CHASE her. first around this large patch of undergrowth by a tree, and THEN she climbed onto the firepit? it’s this brick one, like an old oven?? i guess? anyway. it’s currently also surrounded by growth & a pile of dead limbs/sticks. so, i could not get to her at all.

i DID manage to grab her when she tried getting out (bc there was only one way out) and carry her inside, but!

also did i mention it was dark? and we live on a country road, w/ no streetlights or anything? and i was doing all of this with my phone flashlight?

anyway.

she’s a brat. she’s also not sorry <3 but that’s okay, bc i love her

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

i used to know every line of “the last unicorn” theme by america! i still know most of it! (guess what one of my fave childhood movies was? lmao). other than like, kids’ songs, that’s all i can think of.

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

i love the IDEA of spicy foods. but my tolerance has always been p low, lmao. it’s worse now bc i haven’t had much in the way of spicy foods since i moved in with my grandparents, whose stomach issues mean we have to be careful w/ spicy stuff.

[ weird asks list ]

#asks and answers #bi-bats #thank you for asking!! <3

[world-of-fire-and-flight]

Fire & Flight: Characters Out of Context Tag

Ngl, i was first overwhelmed by the idea of how I was gonna pull this off because I have like 3 different books bouncing around in my head rn and am getting them all mixed up, but then I remembered the search function was a thing😂 Any way, HUGE thank you to @blind-the-winds for tagging me in this! I really enjoyed scrolling through your fill and have been loving all of your recent TNS content💜 And before I get carried away, I'll tag: @violetcancerian, @author-a-holmes, @faelanvance, and any one else who'd like to participate. No pressure to fill!💜

Charity: “Go on then, kill me!” — [Redacted😉]

Chapter 1: [no dialogue]

Chapter 2: “I’d like to barter for a map and compass. Know anyone?” — Nyla

Chapter 3: “No, thank you, Mrs. Focaccia.” — Xander

[Honorable mention: “Amelia tells me he’s been all over town, helping her with the tailor’s deliveries. If he can spend these last few weeks galivanting all over Halberry and beyond, then he can surely come around and help his dearest aunt.” — Betsy]

Chapter 4: “Oh, hey, map girl.” — Xander

Chapter 5: “I don’t think there’s a map in this world that could help me get to where I’m going.” — Nyla

Chapter 6: “I-I’m not sure.” She paused. Her voice shook, barely above a whisper, like she was still terrified, “I mean, I remember, but it’s weird. The ogre was just there, and then it wasn’t. And the light…” — Nyla

Chapter 7: “Never mind.” She bit her lip. Her feet stopped, and she cast a glance in either direction. After a moment’s hesitation, she asked, “How long do you think we’ve been walking?” — Nyla

Chapter 8: “Since we got here, I’ve been thinking: is it worth it?” His voice shook as he continued, “What if it isn’t what I hoped it would be? What if I’m better off without it?” — Xander

Temperance: “I envy you,” Cedric said quietly. The gleam in Dia’s eyes softened, becoming curious. “You could fly away, never to be bothered by manifestations of your own guilt or nightmares or years of—of doing nothing.”

Chapter 9: “Did you just try to shoot me?” — Xander

[Bonus “All I’m saying is that I was almost shot today. It’s pretty terrifying that you have such good aim for someone who didn’t know they had magic.” — Xander]

Chapter 10: “You’re right, I guess, though finding shelter in the rain and dead of night is extremely difficult and impractical. I just thought it would be nice to sleep in a nice, warm inn with a featherbed and running water and a hot meal, a real meal, at the inn’s tavern. But it’s your call, whatever makes you happy,” he tempted with a shrug of his shoulder. — Xander

Chapter 11: “I don’t know. I thought it was just a dream or a nightmare, but none of it makes sense.” Her hand floated up to her shoulder where Astrid’s hand had been, her eyes puzzled. “I’m not really sure to be honest. It all felt so real.” — Nyla

Chapter 12: “You will never hurt anyone like you’ve hurt me. I might not know what the hell is going on, but that doesn’t really matter because no matter what you do or how powerful you are, I am going to stop you, even if it means killing you!” — Nyla

Hope: “I hope that wasn’t more trouble than it was worth,” Cedric grumbled as he grabbed the bloody dagger beside him and used the nightstand to pull himself up.

Chapter 13: “Tired of picking the lock?” — Nan (aka Gerri)

[Bonus: “I hope you know that you owe me an explanation as to how you managed to cut yourself that badly while unconscious,” he said dryly. — Xander]

[Extra bonus because I can’t help myself: “I’m sorry almost being stabbed and killed is interrupting your usual sleeping habits,” Xander replied dryly as he turned his back to her.]

Chapter 14: “Bold words from the man trying to convince me to go shopping when I should be resting.” — Nyla

Chapter 15: “Why? Why is this so important to you?” — Nyla

Chapter 16: “Me too.” Nyla nodded slowly. It all came back to her. The memory sparked from the far reaches of her mind. “I’ve felt this before, this sort of nothing, when I traveled in the Dunelands. I thought it was just the heat and the fact that I… well, you know me. But I’m beginning to think it isn’t like that at all. There’s nothing here, no life, no energy, no...”

Faith: [no dialogue]

Chapter 17: “Well, if you’re gonna leave your bow with me, I feel like it’s my duty to warn you—you may not have any arrows left if I have to use it.” — Nyla

Chapter 18: “Really? So, every rock in the Shadow Forest just happened to find its way into your boots? Or how about the fact that even now you can barely keep your balance? I bet a gentle breeze could knock you over right now. So, honestly, what’s up?” — Xander

Chapter 19: “I’ll run if that’s what you want to do. Might not last long, but hey, it would buy us some time,” he offered sincerely. — Xander

Chapter 20: “I feel like there’s waves crashing over me. And do ya know what? I’m okay if they sweep me away. It’s nice just sort of…floating.” — Nyla

Courage: [no dialogue]

Chapter 21: “How do you know that? That’s like saying if I was never born, my family would still be alive, and [REDACTED] wouldn’t have started the fire. You just don’t know that. So what if you two were fighting? I believe our families know exactly how much they mean to us. You can’t be angry at yourself for things you think you could’ve or should’ve done because you just don’t know. You need to stop blaming yourself.” Nyla tugged his hand to get her point across as she brought her other hand up to wipe away Xander’s tears. “Love doesn’t disappear just because people pass away. It’s always there, even when we hate ourselves.”

[Bonus because that was angsty: No one chooses magic. It just happens, Shamira explained. Do you question your free will? The reason you need to breathe? To eat? To drink?]

Prudence: “You aren’t the only one that’s unhappy about this,” he muttered, glancing over the letter. — Cedric

Chapter 22: You have more control than you think. Maybe not as much stamina as you’d hoped, but your magic is strong. You are strong. You just have to learn to trust in yourself, in your magic. You’ve already done so much, keeping yourself safe all this time. The only limit is your own fear. — Shamira

Chapter 23: “Almost. There’s an inner gate farther up, but yeah. Welcome to the abandoned Woodlane Manor of Hart,” Nyla replied with an air of resignation.

[Bonus: “Oh sure, take all the fun out of breaking into an old, abandoned manor, why don’t you!” — Xander]

Chapter 24: “You didn’t tell me it was this bad.” — Xander

Chapter 25: “When will I ever get the chance to explore a creepy old manor, inhabited by a creepy old woman, who may or may not be an imprisoned traitor trying to kill us, with a cat creature that mysteriously goes off on her own to find something you or I can’t possibly see on our own? Sounds like fun to me.” — Xander

Chapter 26: “If you don’t think you can trust yourself, then can you even trust at all?” — Westley

Chapter 27: Don’t look at me like you expect an answer. Wands are an entirely human device. No other magic users have need for a wand that I know of. If anything, I’d think they’re cumbersome. — Shamira

Chapter 28: “Yeah. I opened my eyes, and there she was, the girl with silver hair and no map.” He paused, looking down at the table. His features softened. When he spoke again, it was reflection that painted his voice. “Turns out we were both going to Fortune Falls. And I guess I just felt like I needed to help her. You weren’t there when she discovered her magic.” — Xander

[Bonus: “You know, I’m a little disappointed that there isn’t more of a reception.” — Cedric]

[Extra Bonus: Hold her down! I have to heal her, or she won’t make it! — Shamira]

A/N 2: Idec if I broke the rules on this one😅 There were just too many options for certain chapters and too lines that I loved and couldn't choose between lol

#writeblr #characters out of context #writeblr games #writeblr tag games #THANKS FOR THE TAG! #my writing #Fire & Flight #Heirs of Tenebris #OC: Nyla Delhart (Fire & Flight) #OC: Xander (Fire & Flight) #OC: Cedric (Fire & Flight) #OC: Shamira (Fire & Flight) #y'all i'm a little upset that no one's called me out for Mrs. Focaccia yet. like honestly I thought it was funny but it's just *chirpets* #i had a little too much fun with this #but also it was painful choosing between my favorite lines and breaking up my favorite interactions #this was a good one

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Well, I finally tried edibles to see if it helps my anxiety at all, as well as my insomnia, appetite, and pain. I’ve had horrible anxiety, more so than ever, this past year and the medications my doctor would allow weren’t working. I was feeling really hopeless and scared. The only thing that did seem to help was my pain med, which of course isn’t its intended purpose but I was taking it for that as well, which wasn’t good. I finally decided to give edibles a try with the hope of course of it actually helping me and to also take less pills. 

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? Well, I’ve been trying this new regimen for the past week now and figuring out the right dosages and how many a day and  so far it is working. I have definitely cut back on the pills, which is really good. 

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? I sadly have no travel plans. I’m hoping perhaps my new “medication” will help me feel motivated and have the desire to want to get up out of bed more and perhaps at least take a drive to the beach and park as close as we can so I can enjoy it from the car. I’d take that over nothing right now. I really miss the beach. :( Like I said, though, I’m still playing around with the correct amount and what type I take for what. I need a mood lifter kind. While it has helped some of my issues, it also makes me really tired and have zero energy which is not helpful if I want to go somewhere.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? My mom goes twice a month for our big grocery trips. We get a lot of stuff.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? I have cream of wheat for breakfast, Taco Bell at least 4-5 times a week, and I have a sandwich for lunch just about everyday. I have pizza fairly often, too. It’s so wild how my appetite has changed since being home from the hospital because prior to I ate a lot of chicken, particularly chicken wings. I had that all the time before and now it’s rare for me to get chicken wings or chicken strips. I don’t know why.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? That’s kinda just how I am for the most part. I’d like to speak up to a couple people, but I just want to cause any drama or hurt anyone’s feelings. I just imagine the conversation going completely wrong and everything getting twisted. I won’t be able to say what I want to say in the right way. I’m getting hurt, too, but it’s best I just don’t say anything.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? I don’t recall.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? I don’t have any friends.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? I always have random people pop up in my dreams for some reason. Like people I know, but I’m talking like for example this kid I went to elementary and middle school with. We weren’t friends, but acquaintances. I didn’t have a crush on him or anything either. Sooo, I really have no idea why he’s the one to pop up on my dreams randomly. 

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I sometimes wish I could talk to Ty again and tell him some things, but I guess at this point it really doesn’t matter.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? Nah.

12. What worries you most about your future? I’m truly afraid of getting worse or never getting much better. I’m afraid of living a life mainly stuck in bed or at home. I’m afraid I won’t be able to travel again or go places. My future terrifies me.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? I have to just try to distract myself somehow. 14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? My mom, 100%. I know I always can.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? It’s usually just unless I have a reason or feeling that I shouldn’t. You just kind of vibe with someone and gauge how comfortable you feel and how much you want to share. 

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? I don’t recall. 

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? I used to be the one friends came to for advice all the time, but I’m certainly in no place to be giving advice to anyone right now. I also don’t ask for it generally. Very rarely. I keep a lot of shit to myself. 

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? >> I constantly feel lost, figuratively speaking. I almost never feel lost, literally speaking. <<<

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? I feel extremely weak emotionally. And physically.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? One of them that randomly came to mind is “The Giver.”

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I much prefer watching with others. My mom, brother, and I have several shows we watch together. I find it fun to have someone to react and obsess with. 

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? I don’t recall.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? My favorite number since I was a kid has been 8. That number comes up a lot in my life, too. The number 9 does as well. I don’t know what it means, if anything, but it’s interesting. 

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? Ha, nothing anymore. I’m a mess. 

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? I find hands attractive, but I think that’s not so unusual or uncommon. I can’t think of anything that would be “unusual.”

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I tend to eat around 11 or 12PM and my last meal around 8. 

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I’m watching a YouTuber that does a lot of videos on abandoned places and companies that went bankrupt and/or closed down. The one I’m watching now is about Bed, Bath, & Beyond. 

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? Over a year ago to the beach. 

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I don’t know, man.

#personal #text #survey #surveys