#I had to get off the train bc it was so full and my sensory issues started acting up mmm fuck

[spacebugarts]

Hey! You should tell us about your werewolf karate boys au!

While answering this ask I realized there's no way to talk about this au without writing out an entire plot summary of the fic I'm writing which would kida defeat the purpose of writing it so, uhh... I'll shorten it the best I can? Probably still gonna be a bit long so I'll put it under a cut

Johnny gets bit by a werewolf on the way back from the All Valley (bc that night was already so bad for him why not make it worse?) and basically entirely rejects the suggestion that it could've been a werewolf bc

It wasn't a full moon

He was probably seeing things bc he was so stressed and very injured, it was probably just like. A dog or something

He's had bad sensory days before and yeah this is worse but like its not abnormal (autistic Johnny my beloved <3)

Werewolves aren't real

Tommy continues to believe he's turning into a werewolf bc its Tommy, he's chaotic and stubborn, and Bobby continues to try finding a reasonable explanation bc he's the only one with a braincell, while Dutch and Jimmy are just here to make jokes and be idiots about it.

Over winter break Johnny starts convincing himself it was nothing, but then the first full moon hits and the guys need to try and keep him from going feral with very little success, but eventually they manage to pin him down and he wakes up chained to a tree with a vague recollection of what happened and a very bad headache. Eventually school comes back and he has to figure out how to deal with being a werewolf when he has to spend so much time in close proximity to the boy that publicly humiliated him and for some reason his wolf senses seem particularly attuned to... its probably because he hates him right? Yeah, totally (hint hint nudge nudge)

Well eventually Johnny realizes he probably won't get anywhere trying to control himself if he doesn't confront things head on and get some help staying calm, and the only person that can help with that is... *sigh* Daniel. He starts doing some training with him, learning how to control his anger with kata and other calming exercises, and eventually he realizes he actually... doesn't hate him? And also Mr. Miyagi keeps looking at him and acting weird and holy shit does he know something? He knows something doesn't he?

Idk where I'll go from that point, I might get into the actual KK2 plotline and have Johnny go to Okinawa with them, but I know I want him to expose himself at some point trying to protect Daniel, which would be easier to add with the plot of the second movie than to create another threat for him to fight off, idk tho. Definitely want Miyagi to know things tho lol

So yeah thats the au as it stands so far, I just gotta... put it into words in a way that's less scattered lol

#lawrusso #karate kid #karate kid 2 #tkk #tkk2 #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #karate kid fanfiction #werewolf au #werewolf johnny #uhhh what else can i tag this #idk have fun with that #werewolf lawrusso #karate kid au #let them be idiots in love <3 #i love putting supernatural elements into distinctly Not Supernatural fandoms :3

[buggswrld]

Truest Form

Loki isn’t the only one with a few tricks up his sleeve, especially when his alleged soulmate has some pretty intricate powers.

cw: afab reader, they/them pronouns, promiscuous & flirty but SFW, normal MCU warnings, Loki being Loki and Y/N being Y/N

this takes place in an imaginary track of time where everyone is happy and healthy and alive and whatever i say goes bc this is my au and i’m a fragile human

You see, the funny thing about life is all of its little twists and turns. Your “what ifs” could’ve lead you down the exact same path you’re on right now, or it most definitely could not. You never know.

Except for Y/N.

They knew.

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“Hey Clint” You shout over the loud 70s music playing throughout the kitchen to the man who just walked in not even a second ago. “I’m making breakfast for the team. Tony wants everyone at the compound for some big meeting,,, which is probably why you’re here so never mind….. do you want waffles or pancakes?”

“How did you- oh wait, right, you have that whole sixth sense thing. So don’t you know the answer to that question?”

Sighing you nod “Waffles… I just hate freaking everyone out. I heard some of the SHIELD agents conspiring that I’m invading peoples minds and I don’t want them to get creeped out and-“

Cutting you off, Wanda and Vision walk into the room as Clint just shakes his head at you and walks towards the table to join the other members of the team.

“Ooooooh I almost forgot today was family brunch day!” Wanda says, unlatching her arm from Visions’s to give you a hug.

“Yes everything seems delightful Y/N. Did you need any help?” Vision asks, making his way over to the two of you.

“Oh just turn off the smoke alarm for me real quick.“

Not even two seconds later alarms start blaring throughout the great room and smoke makes its way out of the oven.

“Yeah, I knew I should’ve cleaned that last week and, wait, Wand, will you get that for me, I-“

Gasping, you jump around and look towards the elevator right as it softly chimes, letting its audience know that someone is making their way up the floors “THORS COMING TODAY!!! I DIDNT EVEN REGISTER THAT HE GOT BACK ONTO MIDGUARD. MUCH LESS IN THE BUILDING! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN- Wait.”

Turning again, you look at Wanda who is smirking and reloading the waffle maker.

“You bitch! Is that why you were so pushy about the spa day yesterday, especially the sensory deprivation tank!?!”

Laughing at you Wanda shrugs and goes back to finishing up your cooking while you wait by the elevator.

Almost a year ago, due to whatever sciencey stuff Banner tried explaining, you realized that you are able to communicate with different versions of yourself throughout the multiverse. Basically making you really sensitive to energy and vibrations, even allowing you to manipulate them with some training. That’s what made you and Wanda become so close. With similar abilities, the two of you just understood each other. So, when the Avengers found you as a prisoner in one of HYDRA's bases, the two of you became besties. Well, you and-

“Thor!!!!” You ran towards the tall Asgardian as soon as the elevator doors opened and launched yourself into his arms. Half expecting this, Thor lifts you up off the ground and spins the two of you around in a bear hug while his pot-bellied laugh fills the room.

“Ah! My little Forcefield! I have missed you too! But I can see that the surprise did not work. Who told?”

Wanda scoffs and hands a tray full of scrambled eggs to Vision who sets it down on the table “I did no such thing. They found out when you go up the elevator. I told you that when you have powers like ours, surprises do not come easy. I didn’t even believe that you’d make it this far.”

Laughing Thor sets you on the ground and calls mjolnir to his side before glancing back in the elevator and remembering his true purpose for being here. “Oh, uh. Hmm, right.”

“Oh goody Dear Brother, I was beginning to believe that you had forgotten about me.” the man says as he emerges from the elevator.

For the first time in who knows how long you are genuinely surprised to see another person stand behind you, causing you to actually jump back.

Confused and concerned, you push Thor out of the way and meet his brother right outside the elevator. Getting strangely close, you stick a hand out and reach towards him “Uh. Excuse me. Mortal. What are you doing? Br... Brother! Come get your pet!”

But before Thor can even listen you push your thumb against the strange man’s forehead and he starts to wince while his body flickers.

Shivering and breathing raggedly Loki blinks at you with his eye brows furrow and eyes wide while you bring your hand down. “Hey big guy, is your brother a hologram? Is that a thing on asguard?”

Thor let’s out an angry puff, steam practically pouring from his ears while he shouts at the top of his lungs. “LOKI!!”

The man in front of you vanishes into smoke and a loud pop sounds a couple of feet to your side.

“Right, well thanks for that snitch. I was almost free and that wasn’t a ho- Oh no. Hey come on. Do we really have to?” clink.

“You swore that you wouldn’t pull any tricks. Now you lied to me so yes. We really have to.” Both brothers look equally annoyed and right as Thor moves to turn on the power dampening collar you place a hand on top of his and shake your head.

“Something’s not right. Take it off. Now.” Looking really confused but doing as you say, Thor hands the collar to you.

Wanda makes her way over as you snap the collar together and press the button on the side and the entire thing bursts into flames. Before you cringe and toss it towards Wanda who guides the collar towards the sink and turns on the water with her powers

“Oooh. Yikes. Friday, remind Bruce to disassemble the collar and figure out what happened.” you say as Thor pats you on the shoulder “Okay then. Let’s eat!”

Everyone in the room just shrugs and nods, moving to the table to make their plate while Loki just stands still, mouth agape and in disbelief.

“So we’re just going to ignore the fact that the thing your leaders were going to force me to wear probably would’ve blown up in the my face and killed me?” Loki shouted at the room full of people who began to gather their plates.

“Yeah, pretty much” Clint says after reaching over the table and stealing a few more pieces of bacon.

“Awe, don’t worry, if someone really wanted to kill you they would be here to do the job and not leave it up to chance. Come on, let’s eat” You make eye contact with Loki as you pat him on the shoulder. When you do, a jolt of electricity runs through your veins and you instinctively flinch your arm back.

You’re about to make a joke saying that Thor is supposed to be the god of lightning when you look up and see scenes of your life literally flashing before your eyes.

There’s what almost feels like memories of you and, seemingly, Loki, Running through the forest, swimming in an enchanted lake, jumping from a cliff into the ocean, holding each other next to a fire. Then there are scenes that definitely did not come from this lifetime. Scenes of you and Loki running over hills as wolves, touring the galaxies as some alien race, colliding together as two planets. It’s almost as if the two of you were always meant to bump into each other.

Then, as if being yanked from a bungee cord, the memories play in reverse and you find yourself back in the present. The only person who seemed to notice being Wanda.

As if no time passed at all Loki says “Ouch! No need to shock me, I’m going.”

When Thor sits down, he beams and looks across the table. “Banner, good friend, could you make a new collar for my brother over there. He really shouldn’t be running away on this mission. Especially since father sent him down with me as punishment for his latest crime.”

As Bruce is about to speak, you interrupt “Oh don’t worry. Loki’s not going anywhere.”

“I’m not?” “He’s not?” the two brothers chime in.

“Of course not. How could he fall in love with me if his mind and spirit are elsewhere?” Some people look at you curiously after that statement, maybe even slightly amused, but others don’t bat an eye as prophetic talk like this isn’t out of the norm for you.

“Uh, Thor, your pet is being weird again.”

“Nonsense. It’s Y/N. That’s just how they are.”

“What’s nonsense? Because our case isn’t nonsense and that’s the reason I called you all together. So maybe we should be talking about that, yeah?” Tony says, strolling into the dining room with boxes of papers in his hands

“Come on Tony, can’t you let us eat before grueling us with work” Sam chimes in when he finally sits down after making his plate.

“Ah yes. The Avengers. So mighty and noble, but not without snack breaks of course. Whatever will- wait. Did Y/N cook today?”

“Yeah Tones, fresh off the stove, eat while it’s hot.” You reply with a smile.

“Okay. Meeting is paused while we take a quick recess and eat Y/N’s ‘big family brunch’. I almost forgot what day it is” Tony says, clapping his hands together and going to make a plate

Chuckling, you glance at the god next to you and nod your head towards the table. “Loki, right? Why don’t you go sit down next to Thor, I’ll make you a plate.” as he starts to bicker you hold a hand up and roll your eyes “I don’t care if you don’t trust midguardians OR their food OR if you say you aren’t hungry right now. Be a good boy and sit and eat with the rest of the team please.” you grin and walk towards the kitchen before he has the chance to speak.

As Loki reluctantly sits next to Thor, Wanda makes her way over to you. “Y/N, you blimped again. What was it about?” she asks you, placing a hand on your back for comfort

“Oh nothing bad this time. I can fill you in, just not right now.”

She nods at your words and stays behind to add toppings to her pancakes.

When you walk back to the table you drop Loki’s plate in front of him and sit right next to him. “Would ya scoot over a little bit for me love?” you softly ask and Loki finds himself following your words before he can even question it.

By the time his brain processes what just happens, you’re leaning over his lap to give thor an extra hair tie and asking Bucky to pass you the syrup and butter, throwing Loki a quick wink when your eyes meet again.

Uncharacteristically flustered, Loki just stares at you with bewilderment. Unable to find any words to create a snarky comment, he eventually gives up and starts to eat his food.

Although he would never say it in front of everyone, all of the food on his plate tastes practically as good as the ones back home. Sure, it wasn’t the elegant dishes served at his infamous parties, but it reminded him of Mother’s home cooked meals on warm summer evenings.

Out of habit, he begins to look around the table for something to put on the unfamiliar round, pastry-looking thing on his plate. Even though you’re in the middle of laughing while reliving a mission with Sam, you instinctively hold the container of butter right in front of Loki’s face, without even a glance in his direction.

“Oh my gods don’t remind me! I felt like Eleven from that one tv show with the way blood dripped down my nose.” you replied with a laugh as Loki hesitantly took the dish from your hands.

You laughed and talked with the team for nearly an hour more until Tony reeled everyone back in.

“Alright, alright. Thank you Y/N, your Sunday brunches are always appreciated. Now, time to address the god-sized elephant in the room. Our Asgardian… pals, have come down to monitor hotspots of some random god/mutant/power mumbo-jumbo. More details will come on a need to know basis, the basics are in these folders Peter is passing out, but right now it seems like we’re in the scouting phase, trying to take preemptive measures. Y/N, I do want you to continue your training with Wanda and Sam, energy and hotspots seem just up your alley and you still have a lot to work on before stepping back into the field. Bruce, I’ll meet you in your lab after this. Thor, Steve, and Nat, you will be our main recon team. Everyone else, continue with your normal training. Just make sure you read your folders and, remember, you are all on call for the next few weeks. Meeting adjourned, go do your shit, avenge some souls, I don’t care just get out of my face and- what Clint?”

“I’m sorry but I don’t get it. Didn’t mysteriouso over there try to take over New York? Why is he back here?”

“Yes, why am I back here dear brother?”

“Ah, of course. Well, when father sent me down to check on Midguard, he ordered Loki to come along as part of his sentence. If something with these hotspots goes wrong, he can help us and will then repay his debt to New York.” Thor says matter-of-factly before standing up and bringing his plates into the kitchen.

“Of course. Makes perfect sense” Clint says, rolling his eyes and starting to clean up too.

While everyone begins cleaning you start making your way out of the room with someone’s eyes following you. Briefly stopping, you turn your head slightly without looking over your shoulders and say “Aren’t you coming”

When you turn left down an empty corridor you hear Loki huff and finally catch up to you. “What games are you playing mortal? Do you know who you are toying with? I am a god. What makes you think you can read my mind and-“

You turn around and gently cup Loki’s cheeks with both of your hands. Completely thrown off by the gesture, he immediately goes silent. “Okay, I can tell you’re flustered.”

In protest, Loki raises his voice and begins “I’m not-“

Cutting him off again, you gently rub one of his cheeks with your thumb and look into his eyes “It’s okay. Why don’t you take a deep breath with me, yeah? In…. Hold… And out…. Thank you”

Loki looks at you with a bewildered rage as he finds himself complying to your words yet again.

Once he calms down you gently remove your hands and continue speaking “Okay, let’s walk and I’ll answer all of your questions, yeah?”

You begin to walk while Loki stays behind, still bewildered at everything that just played out, causing you to have to link arms with him so he’ll keep up. You continue to talk “Okay, come on. I’m not playing any games. I know you don’t trust people easily but I have no reason to lie to you about anything. And I don’t think I’m toying with you, but frankly I don’t know what you mean by that. I’m not trying to use you because you’re a powerful god, if that’s what you mean. I have all the power I need. I just know what I see and what I feel and what I perceive and-“ with a sigh you stop walking and look the god right in his eyes “Loki, sweetheart, would you please stop trying to read my mind? I never read yours and you’re starting to give me a headache.”

“Sorceress! You’re doing it again. Why do you keep touching me and calming me down? Is it some ploy to steal my powers? What’s your angle? Oh. I bet you’re being nice to me so we can be allys, so you can have protection in case the big bad Loki ever tries to rule Earth again. Or maybe you’re being coy, trying to seduce me so you can get close and attack me when you think I’m weakest.”

Throughout his entire rant (?) Loki kept moving towards you, trying to intimidate you into cowering backwards. You don’t budge or react to any of his outbursts until the very end when you let out a slight giggle.

Noticing this, Loki moves even closer to you, bending his head down slightly so he’s at your level with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. “Ah, so I see I’m coming close. What, were you hoping your little stolen glances and flirty behavior would have me fawning over you, allowing you to manipulate and gain control over me? Oh, I bet you think you’re so smart. And- dear Odin! Why do you keep laughing?”

Covering your face, you take a deep breath and try to stifle your laughs. Once you regain your composure you move even closer to the god in front of you and place your hands on your hips.

“Loki, my love” Glancing down to his lips then back up to his eyes, you continue, “while I’m loving all this ‘will they / when will they’ tension between us right now, if I wanted to seduce someone into a quick fuck I would just go see your brother again. And as for my behavior, I was just being kind. Sure, maybe a little flirty, I didn’t realize you were such a prude. But don’t get mad at me because you blush like a schoolgirl every time I look at you. Or because there are butterflies flying in your stomach whenever I brush against you. And please, don’t try to read my mind again, I’m getting all of this from your aura, for lack of a better term.”

Loki just blinks at you for a few seconds before standing up straight and looking out the window behind your head, mumbling “I cant believe you fucked my brother.”

“Jealous much? And please, I find it hard to believe that you’ve never fucked your best friend before. Now come on, I have something I want to show you. Like I already said, I promise I’ll answer all of your questions if you just stick it out a little bit longer.”

Not even waiting for a response, you grab Loki’s hand and continue walking down the corridor, past different halls and doorways until you reach an old fashioned, forest-green, wooden door with special knots on the outside.

With your free hand you open the door and drag Loki inside with you until it shuts behind. Once the two of you step inside, torches along the side walls light up to revel a two story library. There are shelves upon shelves filled with books, each one telling a different story with dates ranging back to pre-colonialism. On the right side of the room, there is an enchanted fireplace paired with emerald green chaise lounges right in front of it.

Against the back wall is an oval shaped cascading pool that leads to a large bay window. The view overlooks an endlessly starry night that definitely resembles no place on earth.

Littered between aisles and bookshelves are dozens of arm chairs and sofas for leisure reading. In the middle of the room is a large, dark oak table, fit for writing, working, or dining.

Finally, against the right wall is a wet bar fully equipped with drinks and snacks that never replenish.

Once he has the chance to take everything in, Loki’s energy changes to that of a kid on Christmas morning. Cautiously, he proceeds to the bookshelf on the right of the fireplace, touching each different spine while he unconsciously pulls you with him, not letting go of your hand. It isn’t until he stumbles upon an old Asgardian novel that Loki speaks.

“What is this place? Where did you get this?” Looking down at The Book of Yggdrasill in his hands you smile and shrug “It was gifted to me from… an old friend. Well, maybe closer to an heirloom? The room, that is. Whoever posses the key is able to draw the door to this room wherever they want and an enchanted library is said to pop up. As it’s been past down throughout the generations people have added new features and new collections. I haven’t seen many Asgardian books, but my guess is that was put here by one of the previous owners. Please, look around. I’ll make us a drink.”

Absentmindedly, Loki just nods along while skimming over book titles and touching the spines of nearly half the books. “Uh, Loki, God of Mischief and everything, I can’t go until you let go of my hand sweetheart.”

“Oh- oh. Right.” he says while shaking himself out of the trance and letting go of your hand.

You make your way over to the bar while Loki continues to just ogle at the place you’ve brought him to. It isn’t until you’ve just finished making drinks that Loki saunters his way back over to you.

“Here, try this” you say while sliding the glass across the bar. Loki gives you a look and you roll your eyes. “It’s not bad and it’s not poisoned. Even if it was, what earth poisons would even affect an Asgardian? Would you like me to take the first sip?”

“Oh I’m sure someone will figure out one soon enough, so just in case.” Nudging the glass back to you you roll your eyes again and swipe your tongue across the flavored rim before taking a swig and swallowing, opening your mouth to show proof.

Hesitantly, Loki takes the drink from the bar and tries a sip while you explain the contents. “A shot of bourbon and chartreuse watered down over ice with roasted peppercorn and rosemary garnish topped with a rim of rosemary infused honey. I highly doubt it’ll even get you even buzzed but the flavor seems like you.”

Loki cocks his head to the side before taking another sip and saying “Not bad.”

“Awe, you love it, how cute. Now bring that with you while we sit on one of the couches. I said I’d answer your questions and I don’t back out on my word.”

When the two of you sit down, facing eachother on different arm chairs, he’s the first one to say anything. “Why bring me here when we just met?”

“Do you want the vague & mysterious answer or the transparent one that might drive you away?”

“Dealer’s choice.”

“Okay, in part i brought you here because I knew, or at least I had a feeling, that you would need a quiet and isolated space away from the team to chill out. Also in part because I love this place and we are going to fall in love so it only seems fitting.”

“Are you being facetious? Why do you keep saying that?”

“No, I’m being genuine. We are, or at least we have the potential to be, soulmates. Mmm, wait, that sounds cringey. Twin flames? True loves? Starseeds? Different cultures have different names for it, so I suppose that doesn’t matter, but you get the picture?”

“What makes you say these things, how do you know?”

“Mmmmmm basically I get visions sometimes, and while they don’t always make sense and they aren’t always from this life, they almost always provide useful.”

“So you’re a prophet?”

“Ha! No, most definitely not. Basically I’m really sensitive to energy so sometimes I get messages from other versions of myself, and other times I know when the smoke alarm is about to go off. That’s how I knew you were trying to read my mind earlier, and how I knew you weren’t really there when you first walked in with Thor.”

“Okay so mind powers?”

“Sure, mind powers”

“Then why me? If you really believe in soulmates or whatever you said, then why don’t you have someone with similar lineage? Someone who is at least from the same planet.”

“Because it’s always been you. Loki, you’re not destined to be alone. You deserve to be loved as much as anyone else... I can show you what I saw if you’d like.”

He has no visible reaction at your words however it almost seems like his eyes glossed over for just a second before he speaks again “How do you mean?”

Standing up you walk over to Loki and kneel on the floor right in between the gods legs. “Don’t get any ideas, I can literally feel the promiscuity oozing off of you.”

“I have yet to say anything darling.”

Rolling your eyes you take Loki’s hands and place them on either side of your head with his thumbs sitting on your forehead. “Read my mind and you’ll see.”

Glancing down at you suspiciously, Loki stares into your eyes while he slowly drifts off into your subconsciousness. Meanwhile, you focus and hone in on the vision you saw earlier when the two of you first met. Eventually, one by one, the scenes begin to fly by.

No matter what time, what world, what universe the visions were in, it was always you and Loki in your truest form.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Next

A/N: okay so this is quite possibly my favorite series I've ever started, I was thinking about making it a slow burn but I'm too impatient for that, and I'm already halfway through part 2, but I'm also mentally ill so I have no idea when it'll actually get published. lmk if you want me to create a taglist & add you!

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki fic #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki series #mcu #marvel #avengers tower #loki x mutant!reader #slow burn #fluff #second hand embarrassment #nonbinary #enby reader #they/them #pride month #please support your local pansexual writer and repost my stories #thor x reader #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki friggason #loki fluff #loki is a little shit #god of mischief #loki of asgard #marvel imagine #avengers #marvel mcu #buggswrld

[stitchthesewords]

I hope you know this new au is never leaving my head. Seriously. It's rotating so hard it may explode

-🍂

YOU AND ME BOTH SO,,,LET ME,,,GIVE YOU MORE THOUGHTS TO ROTATE

HotGuy: Skilled with Archery, I do think of him similarly to hawkeye though im honestly not familiar with him because the only MCU thing I've even seen beside the spiderman movies is The Avengers. So. Take that as you will. He has a bow and crossbow, along with gadgets that function similarly - a lot of wacky arrows like nets and smoke bombs and suction cups. He's got a small limp from an old battle that they counteract with his boots. Of the duo, he is definitely meant to be mostly Offensive when they fight, relying on CuteGuy for anything that isn't 'shoot the enemy in the face'

CuteGuy: Uses a gun, though the Lab SAYS its a pellet gun and not a 'real' one [a lie.] Mostly as a backup weapon, however, as his main area is support. His gun is, similar to HotGuy's arrows, equipped with the ability to take multiple kinds of bullets. He has to be very careful to be sure that he's shooting the right one - think sort of like how the supports in Overwatch work, since my main is Baptiste, so he has like - healing 'bullets' which obviously arent really bullets, and then real bullets that actually do damage. I think there are also things like sleeping bullets, maybe electrified ones. He carries most of the utilitarian gadgets for their team too.

The Evoker: Think somewhat similar to Iron Man. It's a full body mech suit that Scar uses to walk around. It can fly, give him basic data about an area or someone, has weapons built into it, and later on Mumbo retrofits it with its own abilities like boosts to Scar's strength and speed. There's a voice synthisizer to hide Scar's identity, because he doesn't know WHY CuteGuy would stay with the Lab, but he can't trust him with any knowledge.

The Watcher - Blind. Literally. His powers partially compensate for this, but it's not like actually seeing with his eyes. And the transformation process to become the Watcher was INCREDIBLY painful for Grian, waking up in total darkness [which, to clarify, the blindness Grian experiences as the Watcher is not ACTUAL blindness. It is instead like they are blocking out his sight while still giving him...sight? I suppose? Like holding something in front of his vision, but they can take the blockage away at any time because he'll be more powerful. Like training with weights and then taking them off for a fight.] The Watcher's abilities let him 'see' things are outlines, or something simply sense they they are there. It's like having 360 vision but having no instincts of how to read it. He also can get flashes of the future, who allows him to do things like avoid bumping into people, or guess when Mumbo was trying to trap him with a net. But these future flashes are only correct some of the time, not all the time - the future can change in an instant after all. And it is NOT like having visions that go far into the future, more like a premonition of something happening seconds away. This allows Grian to live his life as though he could see but means that during his downtime, when he can't use his powers due to motion sickness and other illness, he has no idea how to navigate the world at all. He's been trying to get better, but the Lab doesn't like him NOT using his power, so it's incredibly difficult when he's being watched himself. Grian relies on his old methods of fighting, using a new gun and also, a sword, something he trained with before he became HotGuy's sidekick.

and as a bonus I wanna talk about the NHO guys bc,,,,, I love them.

Bdubs aka...I'm not really sure yet. We'll get there - He only had a brief stint as a powerless hero, most of his work was very lowkey in a team. He takes the experiment for powers because he wants to monetary boost - He's given plant powers [kind of like poison ivy?? I think] and they seal him in a sensory deprivation tank to get his powers to work. Did the Lab actually know that would work and wasn't just a form of torture? You decide!

Etho - not a Hero. He does, however, work for the lab as a spy. And hitman. Semi-military. Whatever they need him for really. He has his own redstone knowledge that he brought with him so he often messes with his own gadgets and helps their engineering teams out when he doesn't have a job. The Lab faked his death, because they needed him to be able to do his job without being tracked.

Beef aka The Butcher - He does not have powers, he instead in a melee-based fighting hero from around the same time that HotGuy and CuteGuy were active. He has a bulky full face mask he wears with a voice modulator built into it to conceal his identity.

Doc - Not a Hero. More like a hostage of the Lab - passive mob hybrids naturally exist in the world [Avians, sheep, etc.] but not neutral or aggressive mobs. Doc was part of the first round of experiments that were trying to make superpowers - and their first attempt was to fuse people with aggressive mobs [This is also where Tango comes from]. This plan failed - most people died, and those like Doc [and Tango] that didn't die were not what the lab needed. However, the evidence of what they'd done was far too obvious, and so the surviving hybrids are kept locked up deep within the Lab. Doc is an engineer who designed or improved most of the Lab's gadgets, which is how the NHO met - Doc is the one who makes all their gadgets.

#Asks #Anonymous #🍂 anon #Superhero AU #NHO #Mumscarian #Hermitshipping #<- not really in the post but it WILL be so

[honking-up-a-storm]

6/23/23

Using this page to start off the day cuz idc that there's some doodles already on it. I think it's gonna be another slow day, 4 handicap spots are open, more open past the entrance, and the main lot is very empty. It could fill up who knows, but my hopes aren't very high. Funny how active online I was in 16'-17', maybe it's because that's when a lot of current websites came out that have a clear record. Ungh, I want to do something where is everyone? I guess I can get some reading done today. As long as my feet hold up I guess. I knew there would be slow days, but slow and standing in one spot is killing me. Oh! I bought the book so I can properly do this, it should be coming in 5-14 days, though the seller is in state so it should be quick enough. One car, not gonna touch it since it has the handicap adapter on it, I could drive it but I don't wanna adjust the settings. I think this writing is good for a least cracking a dent in this book. Had a very deep dream where things were okay again, makes no sense. If it's a premonition, I don't want it. Could try reaching out to her though. I feel bad and I miss her. Taking the easy way out isn't cute. There's totally shit going through my head right now that's too fast to write FFS. It's cuz I'm thinking about IT, which is annoying. I've exhausted all thoughts on the subject, made my conclusions, pretty much moved on less than a week later due to good timing on the new circles. I guess I'm frustrated with my exit. I had more time than I thought. I guess it's only natural to have wanted things to go your way. It just sucks cuz I wasn't attached to those thoughts and words anymore and the grief I have for them is still very potent no matter how much I try to hide and deny It. I find it odd too that I didn't feel sad after, I thought over the scenario so many times that I was sure I'd just fall apart, but I didn't and don't feel sorry for myself cuz I was a full-on bitch who deserved it. The frustration and grief are what linger. And I think grief is the appropriate word bc jesus christ I loved them, I loved all of them and I don't know why I was that fucking monstrous (Well therapy helped find the route of that but still, tldr: Family source, took that kinda shit talking as a normal way to vent and be done with it bc worse shit has gone around the house and yet everyone claims to love each other, should have never done it to my friends). And I'm frustrated because jesus christ even though I don't remember much of the exit I know I was just spewing bullshit and was pissed beyond hell that it was happening while I was not in a good spot mentally and physically. They probably think I threw myself into therapy because of the situation, but nah it's because for the first time in my life I let myself stand a little too close to the edge of the train platform and envisioned some things. But shit the only thing that stopped me was my own fear of death and that girl who got her leg torn off by the green line a few days prior. Anywho I'm glad I'm better, obviously not cured or perfect but much much better. My paranoia is gone, I'm less irritable, and life is just enjoyable again. It's kinda funny how I'm working a job where I was only in it for the money (financial issues strike again when the V work is said) but like I'm having like actual fun working, it's literally the perfect job for someone with ADHD, every day is different and I get to move a lot, interact with a lotta people. Also like I work with cars all day, I love driving. I'm in my pink era, I'm starting to love life again.

Notes:

A - Truman show/ Fleabagging, mirroring, mimicking, repeating, fixations, extremely picky with food, shutdown rather than lash out

M - Overstimulation, IFYKYK, sensory issues

N - Can drive, good balance

it feels like summer again

I am made up of so many things

Gift of the day from funny old dude regular: 3 Musketeers bar

"FTM" license plate is real

[loversys-x3]

I posted 586 times in 2022

That's 236 more posts than 2021!

89 posts created (15%)

497 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@letsgofoletsgo

@toasty-self-shipping

@selfshippingluminan

@bamsara

@wooloo-selfship

I tagged 550 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#sunnymoon posting - 239 posts

#self shipping community - 172 posts

#community posts - 100 posts

#the freak swoons - 80 posts

#community memes - 47 posts

#positivity - 38 posts

#other's imagines - 18 posts

#breakfast n poetry posting - 15 posts

#my art - 14 posts

#self insert - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#they don't like when i do that but i'm too lazy to knock everything off the bed bc i'll have to pick it up in the morning

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Getting out of art block for them and only them :]

19 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

#4

It's about that time of the year again. So just take a moment to take some meditative breaths or any other calming stim that works for y'all.

Imagine your f/o offering you emotional support while you're working and studying towards passing your finals. They remind you to take breaks so you don't get burnt out. They read over your homework to double check you haven't done something weird due to being a lil sleep deprived. They make sure you stay hydrated. And they're sure to massage your temples when you start getting headaches. Your f/o believes in you!! You're going to do great!! ❤️

25 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

#3

Imagine watching kids shows with your f/os. There's a particularly angsty arc within the series so y'all are riding the grief train together. Tears and cuddles are guaranteed.

60 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#2

Aight so this one is for my comfort and because I've seen someone screw this up already. (Singlets please don't clown in the notes, if you're not familiar with some of these terms then this probably wasn't for you. 🥲)

🌞 Presenting: Sun & Moon w/ a plural s/o! 🌚

Sympathetic to your situation if you follow the in-game logic that Sun and Moon are two AI sharing one physical body, they switch due to light, a sensory trigger if you will.

They take time to consider and accomodate your system's triggers whether they are positive or negative.

Got any headaches? Migraines even? They will drop everything to help you recover. Prepare to be shown some major tender loving care!

Got some amnesia about the hours you spend with them? That's alright, they'll fill you in if you're a bit lost.

Got any littles/age-regressors that front? Hoo boy they've just found their new best friends! Sun knows all sorts of fun games they can play with him. Moon knows how to mystify and comfort them all in one go.

Moon is super patient if you're disassociating. Sun is a little less patient, but is usually very careful if he notices that's what you're doing. Usually has a gentle, but firm grip of your hand until you come back to reality.

Sun tries to get to know every alter/headmate that fronts around him. But Moon is usually the one that absorbs the little details.

If any alter/headmate describes what they wish they looked like, you bet your ass Sun is drawing them.

Moon is somehow able to befriend your persecutors, if you have any. If they recently upset Sun though they're probably gonna get a good scolding.

If you or your headmates need to vent they will listen with open arms and open ears, if it's about trauma expect a bountiful night of comfort.

They will never try and force your system to switch! Don't be an ass and force them to switch!

Overall, things won't be vastly different from a singlet s/o. Sun and Moon love their s/o no matter what!

127 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

355 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #the freak swoons #my goofy goofy aa security breach themed shippy blog really popped off this year

[audiovisualrecall]

Tfw you feel so alone and it's entirely your fault because you cant seem to function at all

#i want a reality where my dad was able to keep his store open back in 2001 because i really really think i wouldve been happy working there #at least i wouldve had a ready made first job tm and i cojldve worked there part time while in college! #steph got to work for zayde. because she was working for him i never really got that opportunity and im not well-suited to that work anyway #i need clear instructions/training first and then i can roll with it and am v adaptable! #ateph and alena got to work at the carni because they had cars. i got to tag alkng twice #along* #i have no ability to keep up talking to friends or maintaining friendships #anything to do with people outside of customer interaction/brief interaction and i just cant do it #j got an email abt setting up a phone interview and i cant make myself respond to it #i told steph and she thinks i shouldnt try for it bc why would i want to work there????? #and then she suggests trader joes like???? how is that better than a shoe store??? #it just made me wish id gotten to work at dad's store bc skates are not that far off from shoes?? theoretically?? #idk. i actually know how to use one of those shoe size measuring tools like i remember that theoretically at least... #and i know how to tie iceskate (or rollerbladr) laces right #i also really like customer service/cashiering in smallish store settings and for all that malls are crazy shoe stores do not get that bad #afaik. like it just has a way diff atmosphere than a trader joes holy fuck #i dont want to be a cashier in a grocery store. especially not one full of entitled ppl #why would that be a good fkt for me??? I'll take hectic sensory nightmare for 200! #yes they offer health insurance but uh i would like a job that is interesting to me personally and isnt going to make me want to die?? #and maybe a shoe store isnt the best job but i dont need the best job quite yet? i just need a job so i have income so i can pay my health #insurance (or at least my half) without draining my accts dry And maybe get a co signed credit card w dad or zayde so i can build credit bc #thats vital to renting apartments?? #at the very least??? #but yeah im lonely and its my fault bc i cant talk to friends and i try and then i fall out of responding so fast and ghost everyone #unintentionally! im not dojng it on purpose but that doesnt matter and i dont have the energy to talk to ppl ever... #and i feel alone as an autistic 26 yr old who feels behind everyone else my age (and some younger people!) #im so fucking terrified of the future my parents want to retire in the next 5 yrs and i need to find a job w health insurance before im 30 #and it seems far off but it really isnt #at all. and its terrifying bx I'm still at the first jobs stage! no job that i would be interested in is offering health insurance to ppl #with as little experience as i have and involves something i can actually do.

[tu-mint]

‼️⚠️NEW OC⚠️‼️Introducing...Jade Lofota/Dome‼️🥳

‼️‼️Hey guys! Hope all has been well with you since quarantine! Speaking of which, Tiktok has officially dragged me back into “bingewatch anime and mess up your sleep schedule” mode and ofc I listened. So I just recently got back into My Hero Academia specifically (I started it when it first came out then lost track 😅) bc I’ve been seeing this trend with MHA based OCs and it’s so cool! My personal favorite is Artiste aka Hina Tsukuru which y’all can check out on Tiktok @/mailleur_maker btw! Anywho, I figured why not go on and make one too?? These are pretty much the basic layouts to my character (I used a website to create my character’s look bc I can’t draw for 💩 so I apologize if they aren’t the best quality!) Let me know what you think!‼️‼️

Name: Jade Lofota (Hero Name: Dome)

Age: 18 (DOB: 02/20)

Height: 5’8” 1/2

Species: Human

Ethnicity: Samoan

Hair Color/Type: Brown w/ Natural Highlights; 2C-Type

Eye Color: Indigo, Mint Green (when using quirk)

Physical Description:

Jade has a muscular physique with noticeable curves around her mid section. Her skin is a caramel tone with a diamond shape face. She has thick curved eyebrows that arch slightly upward giving her a natural weighty expression. Her lips are turned downwards and two toned, her upper lip a slightly darker shade. Her nose and ears are wide set, but her ears are slightly pushed back. Jade's hair is a 2C curl texture, but she keeps it in a braid that reaches right above her hips with shorter locks slipping out on the side.

During school hours, Jade wears the UALA version of the UA uniform, which is initially the same without the stripes on the collar or cuffs. Jade also wears black leggings and gloves, along with a pair of boots that stop above the knee. With the hero attire, Jade wears a long mustard top that reaches the top of her thighs with loose sleeves that end at her elbows, along with a hood. Attached to the tip of her hood is an inverted triangle shaped device. The top is slightly opened down to the navel, and the hem has high slits on either side. Under the top, she wears high waisted shorts that are the same color of the hood and the sleeve outlines. At her waistline is a utility belt full of medical supplies held up by a strap that goes across her body. Jade wears tech infused gloves and boots that are a metallic grey color and reach below the knee. On her left thigh is a blunt held up by a black strap with yellow buckles; the blunt can stretch to full length when used.

Family:

Manu Lofota [father; retired pro hero]

Lina Lofota [mother]

Manu Jr. Lofota [oldest brother; deceased]

Tony Lofota [younger brother]

Joseph Lofota [younger brother]

Matthew Lofota [younger brother]

Mikey Lofota [youngest brother]

Carolei Lofota [sister]

Backstory:

Jade is a second-year student in class 2-A at UALA apart of the special program they'd developed. (⚠️In this AU, due to its rising global popularity, UA High has now evolved into an international school program to assist upcoming heroes around the world, so there are other UA institutions in select locations (but the original UA in Japan is pretty much the Harvard to all Ivy Leagues). Every year, one student per location is handpicked to spend 3-5 months at the original UA and understand the history behind heroes while getting to personally train and meet with pro-heroes. A special structure created for this purpose is directly across the UA building.⚠️) She comes from a middle class family and was able to get into UALA (UA Los Angeles) school after being scouted by a staff member who she saved from danger. When she was younger, Jade had witnessed her oldest brother, Manu, get shot and killed by gang members he was associated with, thus making the ultimate decision to become a hero. The memory constantly torments her as she believes it to be her fault for not acting quickly enough to defend him, though her parents often try to assure her that it isn't. Being where she’s from, Jade takes a crucial amount of time learning to master her quirk and combat skills as a means of survival. She dedicates her life to protecting her family at all costs, even if it means sometimes committing wrongdoings.

Persona:

Jade is a cordial person and enjoys any opportunity to meet new people; many often take a quick liking to her because of the comfortable aura she gives. Along with meeting new faces, Jade is observant of those she interacts with and can remember distinct aspects very well, such as body language, habits, facial expressions, and speech patterns. While her observance is meant as a defense mechanism, she sometimes uses it to her advantage. Persuasion is one of Jade's strong suits and often she will use it to get herself or others out of trouble. On the field, Jade is a formidable and aggressive combatant, but impulsiveness is often a struggle she deals with. Sudden flashbacks of her brother's death trigger Jade to act without thinking which in turn ends up hurting herself or others. The passing of her brother also overcame Jade with guilt and made her develop a pessimistic view on life and society. These cynical beliefs drove her to swear complete protection over her family from the world's evil, especially her siblings.

Abilities:

- Quirk: Animal Control: Similar to Shinso, Jade has a quirk allows her to use mind manipulation over any animal classified organism, but the only way it can be activated is if she makes physical contact using the head, legs, hands or feet. She can manage multiple minds at once but must be careful to the extent at which she does because she can put herself into sensory overload. The quirk can be deactivated two ways: Jade verbally declares the opponent free of her command, or sensory overload will forcibly shut down her control (if multiple minds are being controlled, she can pick and choose who is released; if there's no specification, the quirk will deactivate control over all minds). Jade can command her opponent telepathically or verbally, but the deactivation can only be done verbally. Her quirk can involuntarily be triggered by the smallest touch, so Jade must be cautious with her interactions as to not set it off (ex: giving hugs).

- Telepathy: When in close range, Jade has the ability to temporarily share her telepathic powers with someone in order to communicate with them. Using telepathy for too long can leave her lightheaded and susceptible to fainting as it requires a lot of mental strength. This also applies to when her quirk is in use with the exception of range. Since most are unaware of this ability, Jade will use it to temporarily distract an opponent when in combat.

- Enhanced Strength: Jade is physically robust and can endure high levels of pain while fighting. Jade can also handle severe injuries while engaging in combat or using her quirk, which easily makes her an intimidating opponent. At the same time, she has the ability to deliver lethal punches and kicks that are deadly to an opponent if powerful enough and has proved this her first year of the final exams in UALA.

- Enhanced Agility: Given that her quirk requires physical contact, Jade can move at an impressively quick rate despite her stature. She is able to maintain incredible balance between her speed and strength at close and mid range and will occasionally use gymnastic maneuvers to take down her opponent or latch herself onto them. Jade's rapid observations on her opponent also help her in using their physicality against themselves.

Uncanny Balance: One of Jade’s most notable skills during combat is the constant switching of her body position. Whether in direct combat or moving away from it, Jade can quickly shift whatever stance she’s in and hold it for long periods at a time despite its complexity, showing her flexibility, durability and balance. An example of this would be fighting in a hand stand depending solely on the legs and feet for combat. (This is connected to Enhanced Agility.)

- Special Moves:

Footlose: Jade back flips into a hand stand position before the opponent and swings a brutal kick between their legs or to the groin then delivers another blow to the side of the face with her other foot, activating her quirk. She brings both her legs to her chest to deliver one final kick to the opponent's face.

Tama’s Blow: At long distance, Jade sprints to her opponent then leaps and spirals while coming down, allowing momentum to build into her left arm. Her fist connects with the opponent’s jaw before her feet reach the ground, twisting the neck far back and killing or severely injuring the opponent. When this move is performed, parts of Jade’s tattoo will glow.

Quote(s):

"Look kid, I’m not here to be the world’s hero—this is for my family."

Trivia:

- Played softball for 3 years but quit before high school

- Jade owns two electric guitars -- one in her dorm and one at her house -- and plays them to relieve stress, worry, anxiety or sadness

- Tama’s Blow was named in honor of Jade’s father as it was one of his finishing moves as a Pro Hero

PLEASE DON’T STEAL OR POST MY WORKS WITHOUT ASKING

#my hero academia #mha oc #mha dome #bnha oc #my hero academia oc #this was actually so much fun #the only thing keeping me from sleeping all day #anime oc #anime #quaratine tings #i need to sleep #mha au

[diminished-fish]

References for “A Portrait in Synesthesia”

This fic is COMPLETE now, so anyone who might have been hesitant to follow a wip, here you go! The whole synesthetic package, wrapped up with a nice lil bow on top. :3

For those who might have missed the masterpost: the fic was my contribution to the good omens big bang and is a sweeping, canon-compliant romp through history, told in (almost) all original scenes, with lots of nature imagery and T.S. Eliot. Kind of my own cold open, but with way more feelings and flowers. Also the sea. And an emotionally significant comet.

I had the opportunity to throw all of myself at this project and really enjoyed making it an intense focus for a while. In a way, it was an experiment to see how much I was capable of, which as it turns out, is more than I thought! (there’s a lesson here, probably...). Going this deep with the research and worldbuilding is not something I will likely be doing often for fic writing, but since I did with this one, I figured I’d share a bit of the process.

Under the cut are major spoilers for the timeline, story, and historic events in my recent fic, A Portrait in Synesthesia. I had originally planned to post this information in the end notes of the fic, but at some point, the list got way too long and posting it here became the sensible choice. There is a link to this post in the end notes of the fic, so it will be easy to find your way back here if you get to the end and want to know a bit more about the writing and research process. 

The Title:

Putting this bit at the top because I don’t know where else to put it: The working title for this fic throughout the entire writing process was “In Synesthesia.” I almost changed the final title in the eleventh hour to “The Still Point of the Turning World” because of what a prevalent theme Eliot became (that line was also slipped into the story three times at important moments — once for each POV character). I also briefly considered “Always, We Were Enough” as a title, since the conversation with Adrielle at the lighthouse kind of... accidentally became the thesis of the whole story, but that was a bit too sappy even for me, a Confirmed Sap. 

And while I’ll be questioning my choice of title for the rest of forever (titling things is hard, y’all), I ultimately thought the more descriptive title was best, and wanted to keep the nod to the song that inspired it all.

Speaking of the song... have you listened to it yet?? It’s great, I promise!

Synesthesia:

This was my research starting point. Before I dug into any of the historical or astronomical research or even started any serious plotting, I started reading about synesthesia, or, as Psychology Today defines it: the neurological condition in which the stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway (for example, hearing) leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway (such as vision).

Full disclosure: I do not have synesthesia. I spent a LOT of time researching it for this fic and did my best to portray it accurately, in spite of the fantastical elements I added. If I’ve overstepped or gotten something wrong and there are any synesthetes out there who would like to talk about it, I am very open to those discussions. The AO3 comments are always open to that, or you can message me/send me an ask here if you would like a less public forum.

I probably read r/Synesthesia in its entirety, but this thread of first-hand accounts was one of the most interesting to me and provided a lot of the inspiration for how I used the emotional synesthesia imagery. 

Besides everyone’s favorite research staring point of Wikipedia, this link is one I got from Boston University’s Synesthesia Project, and it is a pretty exhaustive list of research and books, as well as art and poetry about synesthesia. I have also been working my way through The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales, by Oliver Sacks which is the book that came most frequently recommended to me in my search. It’s an extremely approachable and interesting look at neurological conditions, synesthesia among them.

As it appears in the fic:

In a broad, generalized sense, Aziraphale and Crowley have a few types of synesthesia in this story. Obviously, I gave it a supernatural/celestial twist and a healthy glug of magical realism, but I did try to keep it firmly rooted in the actual condition. The types of synesthesia they have are:

Chromesthesia: they both have this. Sounds, specifically each other’s voices, have a color association

Lexical-gustatory synesthesia/emotion-flavor synesthesia: Aziraphale has this. Words (in this case, emotions, specifically Crowley’s emotional state) have a taste.

Odor-color synesthesia/emotion-odor synesthesia: Crowley has this. Words (again, emotions, specifically Aziraphale’s emotional state) have a smell.

One of the defining characteristics of synesthesia is that it is constant. If a synesthete connects the number 9 with the color blue, for example, then they will always connect them in this way. This was the major difference between real synesthesia and the fantasy synesthesia in this fic. The sensory/emotion connections for Aziraphale and Crowley changed in subtle ways as their relationship evolved through the ages.

The “binding thread” also had nothing to do with synesthesia. That was me wanting to make the spool analogy work for the body swap, baking it into the entire fic because I liked how the imagery fit with the synesthesia, and then leaning into the magic and the soul memory so hard that I fell flat on my face into magical realism. (A True Fact: I have spent a fair amount of time lying on the floor in the past 6 months, shaking my fist at the cute little plot bunny who grew fangs and claws and dragged me down a rabbit hole that ended up being 100k words deep). 

Anyway! Research!

Before I get into space and history and flowers... Yes, I admit to absolutely making up some wacky shit about Europa for the sake of fun banter and making a metaphor work. All those pre-Fall scenes on abandoned Earths are 100% a fantasy setting and I exercised the super fun right of a fantasy writer and embraced the worldbuilding (moonbuilding?). I also just thought Crowley would have delighted in tying a moon’s guts in knots, and Aziraphale would have delighted in the idea of whimsy-for-whimsy’s-sake. Please don’t lose sleep over the scientific inaccuracies.

Halley’s comet:

I promise not to bog this down with a billion comet facts, but there were a few particular things about Halley’s comet that had me gasping dramatically about how it’s “A.J. Crowley, but a comet!!” Specifically, it’s orbit and it’s structure. 

Halley’s retrograde orbit gives it one of the fastest velocities (relative to Earth) of any object in the solar system. I never explicitly worked the “you go too fast for me” line into the fic because I was trying to do original scenes (this particular story lived between the lines), but... just know that tidbit is there and join me in these emotional dire straits. If you like.

The comet’s structure is what is known as a “rubble pile”, meaning it’s made up of a bunch of smaller rocks held together by gravity (read: a hot god damn mess held together by stubbornness). 

As it appears in the fic:

The nucleus of Halley’s comet is shaped like a weird lopsided peanut. In fact, one could almost look at it and say it resembles a contact binary star, if such a thing could be a shriveled, misshapen pile of rubble.

Officially, Halley’s comet might have been recorded as early as 467 BC (a comet was recorded in Greece that year— unclear if it was Halley’s, but the timing and the fact that it was visible to the naked eye suggests that it probably was). This was the year I had Aziraphale making the scroll that causes Crowley’s panic in Athens (390 BC). I like to think that some human, at some point, caught a glimpse of it and tried to bring it to light, only to be written off as a crazed conspiracy theorist.

The apocalyptic depiction of Halley’s comet in chapter 9 (Bithynia) is actually based in fact. The comet made its closest approach to Earth (in human memory) in 837 AD, passing within 5 million kilometers. Its tail stretched halfway across the sky and it appeared as bright as Venus to the naked eye.

1910 Halley’s Comet panic. Bonus: c o m e t  p i l l s

Where 1910′s appearance was a spectacular sight and one of the closest approaches on record (coming within 22 million kilometers of Earth), 1986′s was the worst viewing conditions in 2,000 years. The comet passed within 63 million kilometers at its closest approach, and had the sun positioned between it and Earth, making it impossible to see from areas with any amount of light pollution, and almost invisible to all of the northern hemisphere. 

Historic events and settings:

Chapter 6 (Ostia): This was one of the chapters that I did a bunch of arguably unnecessary research for, since the history and the meat of the setting faded into the backdrop as the scene itself focused on dialogue and train of thought. The port town of Ostia was incredibly engrossing to read about, and between wikipedia’s ever-branching paths, ostia-antica.org, and ancient history encyclopedia’s entry, it ended up being one of the deeper rabbit holes I went down. My original intent for Aziraphale being in town was as a response to pirates sacking Ostia in 68 BC. I had him stationed there to guard against further attacks as the town rebuilt, and had him lingering because he was swept away by the romanticism of the art and the sea and the constant ebb & flow of people. I never found a way to work this in that didn’t feel super awkward and expository since the chapter was Crowley POV, so it was just left it as background noise.

Chapter 6 (pyramid of Cestius): Beyond being a magistrate of one of the four great religious corporations in ancient Rome (the Septemviri Epulonum), little is known about who Gaius Cestius actually was. As the city expanded, his lavish tomb was absorbed into the city walls (circa 3rd century AD), where it remains what he is remembered for to this day. I took most of my information from here (cross referenced with our lord and savior, Wikipedia) and had a chuckle at this poem by Thomas Hardy.

Chapter 8 (Plague of Justinian): The Yersinia pestis bacterium leaves no indicator on skeletal remains, meaning we rely on written records to track its path through history. The 6th century plague pandemic is the first recorded outbreak of bubonic plague, and for the purpose of our story, a certain distraught chronicler was the one on site, writing that history.

A note/cw: I wrote chapters 8 and 12 in October and November, respectively, and did much of my research for them over the summer. I imagine, given the current covid-19 pandemic, these sources would be less fun to follow up on now. Please be aware that the podcast episodes linked here, and the book cited in the miscellaneous refs section, get into pretty grisly details about illness and pandemics.

Chapters 8 and 12 (bubonic plague/The Black Death): I took a fair amount of my notes on bubonic/pnuemonic plague, specifically it’s path of destruction through Europe in the 14th century, from the two plague episodes of This Podcast Will Kill You. It’s pretty fascinating stuff and the Erins are great hosts, so check it out if you’re into delightful nerds bantering about epidemiology! 

Chapter 9 (the death of Peter of Atroa): Peter of Atroa was an abbot whose fame as a miracle-worker landed him in a scandal accusing him of exorcising demons by the power of Beelzebub, rather than God. Theodore the Studite’s letter cleared his name enough to avoid execution, but his reputation didn’t fully recover until after his death in 837 AD, when he was canonized as a saint. Peter and Theodore were tough to find extensive information on without passing through a paywall, so I took these scraps and ran a mile with them.

Chapter 13 (Tlatelolco, the Aztec Empire, the Feast of the Dead): I used this site as the source and starting point on much of my research on the Aztec Empire. And listen… I know it looks like a website for babies, and yes, I’m aware that a lot of the articles are literally written for a pre-teen audience, but it’s also one of the most concise, thorough, well-researched, and — perhaps most importantly — easily-searchable sources I found. Most of the pages cite papers and archaeological journals and I was able to jump to SO many other great sources of information. Mexicolore has my undying love and devotion for making my research process easy and fun and also having lots of pretty pictures.

Most of the physical descriptions for Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco (surrounding landscape, canals and causeways, chinampas, etc.) started here.

Tenochtitlan and Tlatelolco were independent cities, but shared a border (kind of like a city and a suburb) and the small island on Lake Texcoco (located where present day Mexico City is). Tenochtitlan was the capital city of the Aztec Empire, and besides cross-referencing Mexicorlore, the link in the previous bullet point, and Wikipedia, I got a fair bit of information from these essays. 

Tlatelolco’s market was the major hub of trade and commerce, and saw 20-40,000 people trading PER DAY. Research on the market started here.

Chapter 14 (Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse): While I strove for historical accuracy as much as possible in this fic, I did take some liberties— especially with the island of Terschelling and the Brandaris lighthouse (yes, it’s real!) circa 1350-1435. 

The village of Brandarius is based on present day West Terschelling— a settlement founded as a direct result of the lighthouse. In the middle ages, both the village and the lighthouse were named after Saint Brandarius (or Brendan of Clonfert: ‘The Navigator’, ‘The Voyager’, ‘The Anchorite’, ‘The Bold’; patron saint of divers, mariners, and travellers). It’s still a relatively small village today, and it was a surprisingly difficult task to find historical records for Brandarius/West Terschelling dating back to the 14th century that say much beyond “it existed.” I loosely based the village off information found here, and named it “Brandarius” instead of “West Terschelling” based on the information found here. 

The original lighthouse was built in 1323, destroyed by the sea in 1570, and rebuilt in 1594. Since there were no records (that I could find) of what the original lighthouse looked like, I loosely based the height and floor plan on the current tower, and made up everything everything else about the interior. The interior was based on information about other live-in lighthouses, specifically this one which is roughly the same height as the Brandaris.

The present day Brandaris lighthouse sits directly in the middle of West Terschelling. For the sake of that sweet Self-Imposed Exile + Cryptid Lighthouse Keeper drama, I took the liberty of making my fictional village of Brandarius teeny tiny and setting it slightly apart from the lighthouse. 

Miscellaneous references:

In addition to the podcast, details about plague in chapters 8 and 12 were gleaned from the book The Great Mortality by John Kelly. It’s a cool read if you’re into nonfiction that reads like fiction, but does have some rather graphic passages so proceed with caution.

Yaretzi’s maquizcóatl/Aziraphale’s memento. To clarify, they were NOT the same item. I pictured Aziraphale cherishing the memory of the day by the lake with Yaretzi so much, that once he acquired the bookshop and had a place for all his kitsch, he hunted down a bad luck dragon of his own.

Here is the Aztec creation story about sun cycles and Earth’s rebirths that Yaretzi told Aziraphale. Another version of it.

In the scene in Mexico where Aziraphale briefly remembers, I used an analogy about a moment that hovers and flits away as “quick as a hummingbird.” Besides just liking the words, this was a nod to the legend of the cempasuchil flower. I originally had Yaretzi telling Aziraphale that story too, but the chapter was just way too long and something had to go.

In my very first outline, I had Aziraphale’s grief and personal growth chapter taking place at a Día de Muertos festival in Mexico. When the plot and the timeline finally got ironed out and I realized only half of that story was going to take place on Earth, I ended up focusing on Aziraphale’s brief relationship with Yaretzi instead of the festival itself (she was always the important bit). I also found myself married to the idea of that chapter happening in the 14th and 15th centuries, which meant the scenes in Mexico take place before Spain invaded and the festival was based solely on its Aztec roots. Because the plot shifted in this way, a lot of research went on behind the scenes that never made it into the fic, but for anyone interested in the Aztec Feast of the Dead, Mexicolore was my starting place again. From there, I found my way to reading about Mictecacíhuatl, the Aztec goddess of death, who was the main focus of the festival.

This isn’t research, but it might interest, like… three of you, so here you go. The scenes in Heaven (Aziraphale’s solo chapter in general tbh) were hard to write. One of those walls you hit with writing where you kick and punch and bang your head against it for months (literal months, I started wrestling with it in August and it didn’t come together until the end of January) but can’t seem to make any breakthroughs. Inspiration truly comes from unexpected places though, and when @gottagobuycheese sent me this Gregorian chant generator it actually… worked? I cranked that hum slider up to 100 and left it there for a few days (to the chagrin of my spouse) and lo— Zophiel.

There’s a cool legend about Saint Brendan of Clonfert’s sea-faring journey in search of the Garden of Eden that has nothing to do with this fic beyond being neat parallel. If that happens to be anyone’s cup of tea, the story is here. The tl;dr version is here. My original vision for the lighthouse included carved whales (St Brendan’s attribute) over the front door, and images from this story (the island of sheep, the Christmas island, the paradise island of birds) drawn on the walls of one of the bedrooms used by previous keepers’ children. Continuing the theme of “how stories echo” if you will. It felt really awkward and out of place once I wrote it in though, and that chapter was already so long once I got through all the plot bits I wanted, so it was left on the cutting room floor. 

Speaking of taking liberties with the 14th century, I did fudge the timing a bit on the art created by Crowley and Adrielle. Drawings, especially pencil sketches, have their historical roots in the late 15th century, and I’m chalking this one up to the fantastical setting of the Good Omens universe. In a fantasy world where angels and demons walk among us and the earth is literally 6,000 years old, I feel like inventing pencils 100 years early is small potatoes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This is the edition of A Midsummer Night’s Dream that Crowley nicked in Norwich. There are some really wonderful illustrations and scans of full pages under that link. I may or may not have lost a few hours down that research rabbit hole for a few throwaway lines (no regrets, I fall like Crowley). 

One last rabbit hole...

I saved this bit for the end of the post since it’s not really research and I don’t know how interested people will be in this kind of thing. Also... this is a lot more emotional and personal than the historical aspects of the fic. This is just what I was feeling and thinking while I was writing, and this story is absolutely the kind of thing I expect everyone to take something different away from. If you read the fic, took your own meaning from it, and want to keep that meaning without me tarnishing it by babbling about symbolism (first of all, high five, I love you, thank you for hanging out with me and my stories), then feel free to skip the rest of this post. <3

But! For anyone who wants to know more about what I had in mind with the flowers and nature metaphors I worked into the story, read on!

The tag “it’s an OT3 where Earth is the third” is something I really worked to pull to center stage. In my mind, Earth was a fully formed character who also spent the pre-Fall storyline being jerked around by God and having its memory wiped. It experienced transformations, pain, heartbreak, joy, and love just like Aziraphale and Crowley did, and I wrote it as falling in love with the two of them over the course of the Earth Project, then remaining very much in love for the entirety of iteration 23 (the current iteration). “Memories that are buried in places deeper than the mind” referred to the soul imprints being formed, but also Earth’s buried memories— seeping through the cracks to connect them via synesthesia in emotionally charged moments, allowing them to find each other from orbit in iterations 20 and 21 (music and the sea), and pulling them together in moments of distress like Constantinople and Barcelona.

In the vein of “Earth as a character,” I used plants (mainly flowers), topography, and weather as Earth’s “voice” in the grief chapters when Crowley and Aziraphale were separated from each other and going through their individual arcs. I’m not sure it technically counts as flower language, since all the flowers featured in the fic were wild and growing in nature, but (almost) all of them served a metaphorical purpose.

Flowers:

Jasmine (for the moon): Aziraphale’s flower. Love, beauty, sensuality, good luck, purity. The rational hedonist.

Marigolds (for the sun): Crowley’s flower. Grief and remembrance of the dead, lost love, the fragility of life, creativity, winning the affections of someone through hard work. The fallen artist.

Purple Hyacinth: Earth’s flower. Regret, sorrow, a desire for forgiveness. The witness. These were the wildflowers that grew in the orchard/vineyard on the penultimate Earth, where Aziraphale and Crowley managed to work out the differences they couldn’t by the sea. Hyacinths are also the hazy images they would see in those moments of vulnerability, compassion, and compromise. 

A fun aside! In very early drafts, the placeholder name I was using for angel Crowley was Jacinto, which is a Spanish/Portuguese name meaning “Hyacinth.” It was meant to be a reference to both the flower and the Greek myth of Apollo and Hyacinth, but my brain absolutely could not disconnect it from Manny Jacinto (and kept insisting on imagining Crowley calling Aziraphale homie and calling everything dope). Eventually I leaned into the Latin and landed on Joriel, then attached my banner to the Achilles and Patroclus myth instead of Apollo and Hyacinth, but the name Jacinto still makes me think of starmakers.

Honeysuckle & morning glory, climbing the oak tree: Aziraphale + Crowley + Earth. Seen in chapter 10, when Aziraphale and Crowley shake hands on the Arrangement. Two plants whose vines grow in opposing spirals. In nature, they have a symbiotic relationship, twining around each other in order to climb trees, walls, and fences, allowing both of them to grow higher than they could alone. 

Or: local woman sees this tweet, hasn’t known peace since.

The deasilwise / widdershins (clockwise / anticlockwise) thing got sprinkled throughout the story, with deasilwise being the “angel direction” and widdershins being the “demon direction.” Halley’s comet, with its backwards orbit, orbits the sun deasilwise, even after Crowley becomes widdershins.

Amaranth: Immortality, unfading affection, finding beauty in inaccessible places. 

The garden in the dunes and Petya’s travelling garden:

Where Aziraphale took a methodical, Kubler-Ross approach to dealing with loss, Crowley’s process was meandering and chaotic. The garden in the dunes was where it all came to a head— his way of throwing all of his emotions on the ground like a big jumbled pile of pick-up sticks, then slowly sorting through them and putting himself back together. There was a whole lot of Earth/flower speech going on in those scenes.

With the exception of zinnias, the garden was made up of perennials or self-sowing flowers. This happened “off-screen” as I could never find a decent way to work it in, but... the zinnias which Crowley bullied into being perennials returned to being annuals and died off after he left Terschelling and sometimes I still cry in the shower about it. 

Zinnias: Adrielle’s flower. Endurance, lasting friendship (especially friendships lasting through absence), goodness, daily remembrance. This one is also a small self-indulgence on my part since Adrielle was something of a self-insert. My mother loves zinnias and, growing up, our house was absolutely surrounded by them in the summer. Anywhere there was a free patch of dirt, Mom planted zinnias. They’re a scrappy, weird looking flower that doesn’t have a smell and a lot of people find rather ugly... and I love them with my entire heart. There is no flower on this earth that fills me with more whimsy, nostalgia, or childlike contentment. Also butterflies love them.

Chamomile: Patience. Fresh chamomile flowers are very aromatic and smell like apples.

Daisies: Transformation. Also simplicity, loyalty, and new beginnings.

Poppies: Restful sleep or recovery, peace in death, remembrance.

Tulips: Each tulip color has its own meaning, but the most common thing they symbolize is deep love. That said, I mainly chose this one for their prevalence in the Netherlands, as well as being very colorful perennials.

Pansies: The love or admiration that one person holds for another, free thinking, remembrance.

Lily of the valley: Rebirth, the return of happiness. They also have a very strong, very sweet smell and can grow in cool climates. These were the main reasons I chose it, rather than any of the religious connotations.

Lavender: Silence, devotion, serenity, grace.

Orchids: There’s... actually no deep symbolism with this one. Nothing intended anyway. Orchids, lavender, and cranberries are the dominant native plants on the island of Terschelling. I thought they’d be pretty in the dunes.

I am also a music-must-be-playing-at-all-times kind of person and I came out the other end of this project with FIFTEEN (15) playlists. Some of them are all instrumental playlists that I used to set the mood while I wrote certain scenes/segments, others are lyrical and tell a story or helped me sort out the story, some chapters got entire playlists all to themselves (looking at you, 14th century). The main playlists are linked in the notes on AO3, but I may collect them all in a tumblr post at some point if there’s an interest.

This entire project was an enormous labor of love that took up pretty much all of my free time for six months. So, if you read this far... thank you for coming on such a long journey with me!! Truly, deeply, and from every corner of my heart, thank you for reading. <3

#good omens #good omens fic #my fic #writing #writing research #i'm sure i'm forgetting things #might update later #listen i truly loved writing this story and it was a very fulfilling experience #working with kat #meeting the beta of my dreams #the FRIENDS i made #y'all... i made such incredible friends in this bang ;__; #i will cherish all of this forever #but holy moly i am ready to have my life back #my master outline for this beast was 39 pages #which included research and notes and maps and lists of what emotion was what color but STILL #THIRTY NINE PAGES #21 chapters and each one involved delving into new research or deep feelings for a week or more #the grief chapters especially wrung me out #but wow i sure know a lot about the aztec empire and 15th century lighthouses now

[moiraineswife]

Autistic Philippa Eilhart Headcanons

As promised, the Phil Thoughts. Geralt and Regis to follow (I’ll link them here when they’re done!!) This isn’t really in any order...And isn’t very coherent...But I don’t much care. 

Philippa Eilhart is pretty fascinating, complex, and rich as a character even before you add this spice on top. I could write screeds and screeds of meta about her sexuality, and her morality, and the place/role she plays in the narrative but...I will focus myself on this.

We need more unapologetic ladies in fiction; and we need even more unapologetic autistic ladies in fiction. I think, way too often, autistic ladies get overlooked, because they get good at hiding their traits/covering them up because it’s expected for them to be nice, and quiet, and polite, and good at all things social. And I’m so beyond here for lady autistic characters being ‘fuck that’ and being exactly themselves, and really, there’s no female character I can easily think of capable of doing that better than Philippa Eilhart.

Especially when Philippa is already utterly unapologetic and unashamed of the way she is, and especially since a lot of that really lines up with autism. It doesn’t really take much of a stretch with this. Wait, I’ll make a list, I like lists, and it breaks this up a little, but okay let’s see:

-She’s...Not the best with Social Skills. She’s definitely intelligent, definitely capable of scheming, and plotting, and manipulating people for the sake of her own ends but she’s also...Quite blunt. Quite to the point. I’m also fairly sure I remember (though maybe I don’t) the way that she watches people, studies them, that and the fact she’s had 300 years to perfect her observings of people helps her make up a little, and learn their body language....But she’s not perfect. And she’s just...never quiet been able to perfect the expected social niceties (and, frankly, at the age she is, she’s probably too fucking tired to bother with them tbh. She doesn’t see the point in them, she never gets them right, why bother?) 

And there’s actually...Sometimes not a lot of subtlety with her? At least, not in her interactions with other people. She is, if memory serves, rather lacking in delicacy. She says what she thinks, she doesn’t mince her words, she simply...Is?

Philippa is so honest about her dishonesty that she almost comes full circle and becomes honest again.

‘"Decent and honorable?" "You must be joking." ‘

Which I’m associating here with autism both as a social skills thing, and a black and white thinking thing. It’s this...Delightful little contradiction within her? Because she is duplicitous, and she lies, and she manipulates...But she’s so...Upfront about it? And utterly apologetic about it, too. This is just...The way Phil’s world works. This is just who and what she is. No point trying to pretend otherwise, what’s the point in that?

-Again with the black and white thinking is her commitment and determination. Philippa is utterly relentless, and single-minded in her pursuit of her goals. Not only in terms of ruthlessness, and the willingness to do whatever she deems necessary, but just her dedication to her goal is pretty admirable. I’m pretty sure the world could end, and leave her the sole survivor, and she’d just keep battling on in her defence of magic, it’s interesting.  

-And speaking of interesting, magic can definitely be a special interest for Phil. Her dedication to it, the depth of her knowledge, how skilled she is (the fact that she’s one of few to have mastered polymorphy, for example) are all indicative of an obsessive interest.

-I think Phil gets characterised as a character without morals quite a lot. Which I understand, I do. But I also think that she...very strictly follows Rules. They’re just....her rules. Her own personal, internal rules. The rest of the world can go fuck itself, but certain things have to work a certain way. She struggle to see the merit in/accept worldviews that don’t line up with hers. I also think that she has very strict morals within herself. I think she has things that she believes are right, and things that she believes are wrong, and I think that’s something that she will never compromise. It’s that adherence to rules, as well as rigid thinking, which is quite interesting.

-Phil’s intensity is pretty indicative of autism as well, I think. Philippa, I think, is a character that feels things very deeply. She has, as I’ve said, very strong feelings concerning magic, and her idea of how the world should work. But on an emotional level, too. More than one of the characters, and Phil herself, I believe, have commented on her restlessness, her desires, the intensity of her feelings, and the things it can drive her to do.  And also, that...Itch that she gets, the desire to get out and Do something, just reminds me of overstimulation tbh. So there’s that.

-But on the surface, she comes off as cold, and indifferent. And I can make a case for her being low-empathy as a part of this based on the way she reacts to other people (which is nuanced, and complex, and is something I could write an entire other piece of meta on itself, but...we’ll not go there rn) But I think that Phil...Doesn’t show that care for other people, and she doesn’t really let her emotions show all that much, either. She comes off as this ice queen, but beneath the surface we know that it’s a different story (which is a really interesting little contradiction to consider, even outside oft his headcanon), but, yeah.

-And on the subject of emotions and cold indifference, I think her decision making process is interesting too. Because it almost always revolves around logic. Whatever her emotions dictate, she typically makes judgements based on practical reasons, rather than emotional ones. Her emotions are strong, and are intense, but when it comes down to it, she’s ruled by her head. Almost too much.

I think a good example of this is the conversation she has with Yennefer about redeeming her in Geralt’s eyes. Yennefer’s plea is one that comes purely from a place of sentiment, and emotion. Philippa’s answer is one that comes purely from logic, and a careful, thought-through examination of the practical consequences of her action.

Philippa comes across as cold, and cruel in that moment, because Yennefer is so desperate, and her request seems so easy to grant, but that is 100% not Phil’s motivation there. She is not doing this to be cruel, she’s not doing this to hurt Yen, or Geralt, or anyone. She’s doing this because it doesn’t make sense.

(And it would also have been easy here to lie to Yennefer, especially with Triss watching, and promise her that she’d do what she’s asking, to make sure they part on good terms, that’s the calculating, manipulative thing to do here. But Phil doesn’t do it. It’s again that strange, unapologetic honesty that she has, and I think it’s interesting too, because it would have been easy to lie, would have been ‘smarter’ to lie, might even have suited her purposes better to just lie, and tell Yennefer what she wants to hear. But she doesn’t. And that’s...really fucking interesting, from my pov anyway)

But yes, Phil’s entire decision making process there is based on logic. She is practical. She is pragmatic, above all.

-Her planning, too. There’s always something ticking away in the back of her mind. She’s always thinking about things, always picking at the details, always tugging at threads, always plotting, and planning every little thing. Which I can quite easily see being a habit. I think she probably orchestrates her breakfast in the same way she’d orchestrate an assassination. It’s just the way that her mind works.

-Okay, lighter/less canon related/’ur just making things up u like now, lauren, aren’t u?’ ‘yep’  

-Phil hating flying when it’s raining because the feeling of her wet feathers is Sensory Hell.  

-but equally, Phil loving flying more than just about anything else, especially when she’s stressed, because it’s such a nice, calming stim.

-Phil chilling in owl form quite a lot when she gets overstimulated because it’s so much easier to deal with (esp if she’s non-verbal, bc no-one demands that an owl start talking to them, and that is a blessing)

-Phil having a deep guilty pleasure of having her feathers stroked because it is The Best (all who know this are sworn to secrecy about it)

-Phil being hypersensitive to touch, and exceedingly picky about who she allows touch her, when, and where. People 100% respecting Phil’s boundaries on this bc they’re not Dicks.  

-Phil being hypersensitive to certain sounds as well, and getting extremely short-tempered, irritable, and snappish when overstimulated. Anyone who spends any amount of time around her starts recognising this, and doing their best to minimise the noises that are bothering her so much.

-Phil definitely likes deep pressure, and is just kind of like ‘lay on me’ @ all of her partners at any given moment. Especially when she’s stressed (which is...almost always tbh, even if she doesn’t show it)

-okay this one is my fav, Indulge Me: most of the sorceresses were sent to Aretuza, if I remember, bc they had some kind of physical deformity which the sorceresses ‘corrected’ when they took them in (I am not going to discuss the wisdom of this, bc it’s not really my place, but lays the groundwork for this, so I’ll mention it briefly)

We don’t really know what Phil was sent off for but I kind of like the idea of it being bc of her autism. HEAR ME OUT.

So her family take her to Aretuza and are just....She’s weird, okay, there’s something wrong with her, have her if you want, fix her if you can, kind of thing. And smol!Phil is not oblivious to this. Smol!Phil knows she is different. Smol!Phil knows she is ‘weird’ to use her mother’s favourite phrase. Smol!Phil understands she’s being sent to this place so she can be made normal and ‘fixed’.

Smol!Phil trains at the academy with the others, and never feels any different. No-one ever uses spells, or potions, or anything to try and fix her. One day, she decides to talk to Rita about it. She pulls her aside, and asks her in that way of hers (I can see Phil being such a serious child. So intense and intense, like she’s got the wisdom she has at 300 at the age of 11) and just straight up asks Rita why she doesn’t feel any different. Her family sent her here so they could fix her, make her normal, stop her being the way she is, but she doesn’t feel any different at all. Why isn’t it working?

Rita gets very indignant, and angry, that smol!Phil has been led to think these things, and very firmly informs her that they cannot fix her. There is nothing to fix, there is nothing wrong with her. This is just who she is. 

And that’s the end of that.

Autistic Philippa Eilhart. 

#the witcher #the witcher headcanons #philippa eilhart #margarita laux-antille #listen....rita getting all >:( at smol!phil being made to think she needs to be/can be fixed is my lifeblood #philippa headcanon #autistic headcanon #autistic philippa #listen this is v Dear to me it really is #i love autistic!geralt and autistic!regis too #but i think i love phil the most (possibly bc i relate to her the most but SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) #this makes so much goddamn sense though. and it would be SUCH a nuanced complex bit of rep too i just #I NEED THIS #LET ME HAVE IT #/LET ME HAVE IT/ #not that anyone's going to read this to NOT let me have it but still #i would like to; once again; issue a formal apology to the philippa eilhart fandom #for my ceaseless drivel #(but also this is Golden and i'm not really that sorry)

[burstbombbitch]

In-depth Character Sheet

Credit to Sir Ender at this writing forum.

Reblog or repost. DO NOT remove credit.

TAGGED BY: @doublerosa​

TAGGING: hoo boy here it comes. the squad ofc @sturmazing, @musesoiree​ (for dustin, and anyone else but there’s so much dude), @coriignis and @theseasirens​​ for any blog. all my lovely friends @silentisms​. @fireflym​ @seelostsouls​ (u can choose a blog)  @eudaiimonia @gottaxroll @splashysquid

---fuck there’s so many of you to tag jesus please just take it if you see this. i love all of you.

i wrote this like a week ago i’m sorry no obligation to actually do this bc it took me SO LONG pls dont suffer

FULL NAME: Bonbon Charbonneau MEANING: “Charcoal Chocolate”, essentially. Meant to refer to a nasty outside, but sweet inside. NICKNAME: Bon, Bonnie, BB, Bunny. MEANING: No one wants to say her repetitive full name, lmfao. AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: December 5th. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Sagittarius. GENDER: Cis Female. ALLERGIES: None. SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Pansexual / Panromantic. THEME SONG(S): (Octospy) (Normal) (Octoqueen)

APPEARANCE HAIR COLOR: Pastel pink, bordering on white. HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: A pair of super long tentacles, styled in two buns. EYES COLOR: Lilac, with star-shaped pink pupils. HEIGHT: 3′11′‘ | 119.38 cm. WEIGHT: 69 lbs | 31.3 kg. OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: Lolita, essentially. Really girly and proper. Occasionally will dress way, way, down, usually during or after a tournament. DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Bio-luminescent “freckles” all over her body. SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Lots. Usually winged eyeliner and scarlet eye-shadow. FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: Prissy, proper, elegant. SKIN COLOR: Dark brown. BODY TYPE/BUILD: Pear-shaped. Large thighs, strong, long legs, and slightly toned biceps. DEFAULT EXPRESSION: A small, haughty smile, with half-lidded mischievous eyes. POSTURE: Straight, hands usually on hips, Weight leaning to one side. PIERCINGS: None, presently. DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Her voice is very confident despite not being relatively loud. She speaks without filler words or stammers. It has a very regal sound to it, where her words are careful to come out, but dance upon the air with grace. Statements tend to end with a crescendo, regardless of whether or not it is a question. Exaggerates words frequently. Strict pronunciation. Extremely proper. (Voice Claim)

RELATIONSHIPS MOM: Céleste Charbonneau HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: When she’s feeling playful, Céleste is definitely the one she runs to. She gets along with her well, although her mother’s extroverted energy does grow tiresome and she eventually retreats to her own room for solitude. DAD: Clair Charbonneau HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: He is the sensible one of the family. She finds herself closer to him than her sometimes eccentric mother. They spend a lot of time together, reading books and watching movies. He did most of her homeschooling, alongside hiring well-established tutors, before deciding that he would release her into the world. If she knew the decision to deafen her was his, she might be more inclined to be less loving. SIBLINGS: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. CHILDREN: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. PAST LOVER(S): N/A. CURRENT LOVER: N/A. REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: She makes snap decisions on whether or not the person is worth her time. By default, she’s very smug and arrogant, finding them to be more of a thing to play with than someone to converse with. She’s not above manhandling someone to make them more amusing to her. ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: She attempts to take charge and do all of the work to get out of the circumstance of having to work with anyone. When she must cooperate, though, she is relatively tolerable, for she doesn’t want to screw someone else (unless it benefits her) over. LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Shy, anxious. She doesn’t like reminders of herself. She’ll goad them to make them do something. She definitely tries to invoke some sort of other trait out of them. PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Her parents were both extremely overprotective of her, a trait she fails to displace when she has children. They were very lenient with her as well, besides the whole ruining her early life, making her more prone to gently guiding her children without imposing her will onto them.

PERSONALITY ...WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: Confident. Placid. Elegant. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Excitable. Bubbly. Childish. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Sarcastic. Sassy. Snide. FAVORITE COLOR: Lilac. FAVORITE FOOD: Tea and cream-filled pastries! FAVORITE ANIMAL: Cats, spiders. FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: Grey. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Eggs LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: Shark HOBBIES: Singing, dancing, shopping, and video gaming. USUAL MOOD: Relaxed. Calm. DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Nope. She drinks very, very infrequently. DARK VERSION OF SELF: gestures at the octospy verse LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: gestures at inkling idol verse HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: She holds herself relatively seriously. CLASS IN AN RPG: Cleric, Archer, Mage. BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: Kinda, yeah. (IN)DEPENDENT: Independent. VULNERABILITY: Hearing problems. Mentions of war. Divulged secrets. OPINION ON SWEARING: Abominable. DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: Daredevil. MUSIC TYPE: She’s fond of so many genres, provided it’s not ear-shattering. She can find the best in all types of music. MOVIE TYPE: So bad, it’s good / Romance / Thriller BOOK TYPE: Adventure / Mystery / Romance COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: About 65 F. SLEEPING PATTERN: Sleeps about 8-10 hours a day. CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Obsessively neat. DESIRED PET: Either a tarantula or a kitten. HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Sleeping, or reading books. BIGGEST SECRET: Her song and dance are fueled by her synaesthesia. HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Her grandmother, Nia Di Napoli. WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: Cat FEARS: Silence, large bodies of water, loneliness. COMFORTS: Sensory objects, tactility, sleeping.

HOW DO THEY REACT TO… DANGER: Face it head on. She’s very cocksure. SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Tease and torment. She’d egg them on and flirt with them, knowing she’s just grinding them beneath her heel. PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Lighting up! Squealing! Storm of kisses! Lots of touching. God knows her voice is going to reach killer wail levels of painful pitch. DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Wailing, violence, shutting down as a whole. Non-stop aggression. DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: Continue trying, nonstop---literally. Someone’s gonna have to intervene. INJURY: Grin and bear it. SOMETHING IRRESISTIBLY CUTE: Lip biting. Grabby hands. Lighting up, again. Bouncing on her heels.

HISTORY BIOGRAPHY: Born a synaesthetic, Lady Charbonneau’s family fretted for her sensitive hearing. As a result, they silenced and removed her from the world, raising her as if she had been deaf from birth. Their only child remained a mystery to most of Inkopolis, locked behind closed doors for her own “safety”. Her close friend, Nia Di Napoli, frequently removed the headphones that muted everything, helping her solidify the courage to defy their decision while giving her the opportunity to adapt to sounds she had yet to experience. 

This habit of babying her remained throughout her adolescence. Despite training efficiently in self-defense, and constant attempts at proving herself worthy of respect, her family reciprocated with buying out her Turf War matches and downplaying her ability. Finding that out coaxed her into sneaking into the Adult Ranked Matches late at Inkopolis Tower, where they couldn’t bribe people into losing. Of course, dealing with high ranked squids while being only C- yourself grew tiresome, but persistence eventually brought her to S+ at age 17.

Desperate to receive some fragment of respect, Bonbon put herself up for drafting come her eighteenth birthday. The Charbonneau family has a long-standing history of war, benefiting troops through monetary and physical means. One of the elders, Bourbon Charbonneau, fought valiantly as a captain in the Great Turf War hundreds of years ago. Keeping up the legacy, she thought, was her only chance of being her own person.

While every decision has seemingly furthered her depression, she continues on a path already tread in the hopes that such a safe route will bring about some sort of reward, even if it isn’t bountiful. Another option for her, her ability to sing entrancing songs, lies in wait, hoping to be utilized.

FIRST APPEARANCE: A mysterious, minuscule pinkling took a tournament by storm without even giving a word as to her age, rank, or background... and donated the proceeds to charity?

KNOWLEDGE LANGUAGES: Inkling, Sign Language, Human French, Written Octarian, Learning Hylian. SCHOOLING LEVEL: College student, essentially. FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Linguistics and Theatre INTERESTED CAREERS: She wishes she knew. She’d love to actually sing, though. EXPERTISE: Theatre, Song and Dance. CHEMISTRY: A MATH: A LANGUAGE: A+ GEOGRAPHY: B POLITICS/LAW: B- COOKING: F, until she pays off the teacher. MECHANICS: C BOTANY (FLOWERS): A MYTHOLOGY: A DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): A+++

READING LEVEL: College graduate. HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: Always have a plan!

ROMANCE . DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Definitely. She’s very needy and you’ll know it immediately. HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): While very avoidant when crushing, she’s super clingy and affectionate when dating. GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Ladylike with a dash of klutzy. She shows her real side if she really trusts her partner, so they have to deal with a near 180 of the persona she shows on a daily basis. GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: Jump into! She puts all her apples in one basket. PROTECTIVE: Extremely. She’s very feral and primitive at times. ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Her lover has to be her best friend. WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: She actively stalks her partner’s wishlists or things they see as they cruise around together, and has them anonymously delivered, as it she wasn’t obvious. If she hasn’t a clue, she’ll start sending dorky things she thinks are nice to try to gauge their interest. TYPE OF KISSER: She steals small kisses, before elongating them with lots of lip tugging. Definitely fond of it. The type to really get into it. DO THEY WANT KIDS: Not really, but can be easily persuaded. DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: Yes. MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: She has a tendency to make bad ones, but hopefully her partner corrects that. :^) Or at least doesn’t let her. ARE THEY ROMANTIC: Yes, albeit cheesy and dorky deep down... HOW ARE THEY IN BED: She prefers to be dominant, and that’s all I’ll say. GET JEALOUS EASY: Not if she is trusting of her partner, but she is definitely very anxious and wonders if she’s good enough frequently. WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: Uh, no. MARRY FOR MONEY: click this. FAVORITE SEX POSITION: uh WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: A nice long exploration through untraveled territory---just the two of them. Lots of hand-holding, kisses, and cuddles. Good food would definitely seal the deal as the best date ever. OPINION ON SEX: She’s yet to form one, although she’s occasionally thirsty. It doesn’t really come to her often. As long as it’s consensual, she’s down for anything.

#holy length batman #finally. finally slams this shit down holy #im not entirely appeased by my theme choice but i have too many songs #and its just so long ple a se #no more #✧.° ⦙ ɪ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜɪɢʜ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʟᴏsᴇ. — ❪ & dash games. ❫

[rontra]

Hey Rontra. Sorry is this is too personal, but I was recently diagnosed with autism (high functioning) and even though it didn't tell me anything new per se, I've been trying to wrap my mind around it. Do you have any tips for getting through the transition period?

Hi there friend!Omg yeah getting th diagnosis can be super weird even if it’s not necessarily new information, I totally get what you mean lmao

Even tho it’s personal I don’t rly mind talking about it at all; just remember that this is a suuuuper individual experience and you might not relate to my thoughts on it at all–and that’s okay! I’m happy that you decided to ask for advice, but if mine doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay–and I’m sure there’s other posts out there that can add to this you might relate to more (but I’m on mobile so sadly can’t help much there djfhshs sorry). This kind of advice is hard because everyone’s so different xD ahhhhSpoilers: my tips are very mushy and sentimental ;9

But this DID get long so I’m gonna cut the post fbdbdhdhhs I’m very chatty ;v;

So for context’s sake: I was also diagnosed with autism relatively recently–at 20 years old (am 21 now). While I don’t know how old you are, I’ll assume that you’re an adult or close to it as well–which to me made the diagnosis feel really weird and time-displaced! Like I wasn’t “supposed” to be diagnosed so late, bc it’s “supposed” to be noticed in childhood and thus I’m somehow not “allowed” to relate with other autistic people (obviously, that’s not a correct line of thinking). I felt like, even though it totally makes sense and it’s def the appropriate diagnosis for me, it was weird–definitely difficult to sort of keep up and get my head around it. Everything in hindsight of my life makes 100% sense through this lens, and yet, it felt surreal. Not WRONG; but it was complex.

I think a lot of that stemmed from those two decades of suppressing the traits associated with my autism; things like downplaying or ignoring hypo- and hypersensitive sensory experiences, actively suppressing stims, and expending 90% of my day-to-day energy on just trying to slip “under the radar” in social interaction(let alone do well at it, God forbid). It wasn’t something I did out of conscious self loathing or anything like that; I actually assumed everyone grew up this way, and the world was just supposed to be a fuckin incomprehensible mess of unpleasant sounds and obscure subliminal social cues that people drop just for fun and sometimes things just swirl together into a big mess and you can’t focus and you can’t talk and this is just how the world IS. That we all grow up feeling like aliens and we’re all just pretending. That specific feeling wore off as I grew older and more prone to feeling directly isolated (so now IM the only alien), but the idea that “the world just Is Like This” stuck. It was HUGE to me when I realized that neurotypical people don’t usually relate to that mess. And, more importantly, that all this time-and-energy-consuming self-discipline was suddenly unnecessary, because those things had a reason and they had a meaning and they were mine. That’s weird. It’s good but it’s weird. To take in that those things have patterns and explanations and other people feel them too is overwhelming and beautiful and weird.

It’s weird as hell to feel like some kind of spy in a foreign country trying to blend in with a culture you don’t understand for 20 years, or some kinda alien, an animal in a cage doing tricks for a faceless crowd, only to have that moment where–it’s OKAY and things MAKE SENSE. It’s mine and it’s good and i don’t have to work so hard to be “like them” because I’m not. I can’t be.

I can’t be! Even when people call me (and you) things like “high functioning” it’s measuring my ability to be “like them”–which is something I can’t be. It’s measuring how I function compared to a neurotypical person, and it feels moot, because I’m NOT. It’s a measure of how good I am at pretending to be neurotypical. And guess what: after 20 years, I’m pretty damn good at it! :p

It makes sense, but it’s scary. Because I can finally get to know me, the autistic person–the person I’ve been subconsciously smothering for 20 years. That’s scary, and exciting, and comforting, all at once.

So after all that rambling, here’s one tip: lean into that. Hard. Indulge in something that makes you go “wow, this is pretty autistic” (whatever that might entail for YOU; I get really into obnoxiously elaborate organization systems for my hobby supplies, as one example) and just…let yourself enjoy it. Try a bunch of stim toys if you haven’t had the chance. Find a friend who has an hour or five to spare and tell them about your special interest, if you have one. Explore how you feel when you’re treating yourself to this kind of thing. Feel it all the way through. Take your time to get to know it.

I didn’t really go out and do research and look up more than I already knew–I focused way more on what I was feeling and how this new set of facts interwove with that, that it all made sense and for the first time I was in control of that and could indulge it consciously in a very pleasant way. I am more at peace than I have been in a long time because I’m expending less energy suppressing myself, while simultaneously spending more time being gentle to myself and indulging those autistic traits to bring an overall soothing. I think reviewing your own history and figuring out what makes your autism tick is super helpful in making you comfortable with it–finding what things appeal to you and utilizing those tools fully with the “armor” of your diagnosis. Before, I was often worried because “other people don’t do this” or “doing that is weird”–now, I do these things (stimming, accommodating for my sensory needs, etc) without feeling as bashful about it, because I know now that this is part of my experience with autism. I have that word, I have this diagnosis, and I can use that as my shield against those 20 years of pressure and shame. And if someone thinks my stim or my avoidance of certain touch IS weird–well, that’s their problem, lmfao. I spent 20 years suffering; I’m going to take full advantage of this new flourishing beauty.

To me, this experience isn’t about learning something new (as you said; it’s not new information)–but leaning into it and embracing what was there from the start. If you’re like me and have spent most of your life suppressing these things, indulging them may help you transition through the “whoa” into the “this is good” :p leaning into it HARD was def one of the best things I did hahahaha

another thing I did a lot was just reflection–I’ve spent a lot of time going over my own behaviors, reflecting on the past through this new lens, that kind of thing. I’ve been exploring my own mindset and how my brain works all over again, and connecting the dots to my diagnosis like some huge constellation chart, and it’s one of the most soothing things I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s because I’m big on organization :p Just kind of training myself to apply this new sexy word to it was important to me. To be able to say “oh, I do this thing because autism” or “hey I’m autistic too” and use these terms in a real way helped make the diagnosis and how it applies to me “real” to me as well.

People (neurotypical people, that is) talk to me about “acceptance” and “coming to terms with” and such–and they’re saying the right words but they don’t mean the right thing. They say it like I feel bad about autism. They’re saying it like autism is bad. It’s not. This wasn’t a difficult diagnosis to get–its not really one i struggled to cope with receiving. But they’re right that it is about acceptance, and it is about coming to terms–it’s just a far gentler thing with a different emotional starting point. I was learning from scratch how to take care of myself, with a whole new box of tools and terms to help me; it was flourishing, it was thriving. It was not a scary new disease or some threatening Autism $peaks rhetoric; it was merely understanding, and accepting, and giving myself positive things I’ve been keeping away for too many years.

Step 1 to managing my difficulties is understanding them. Step 2 is being kind.

Upon receiving this diagnosis, things may simply seem to make a lot of sense. Maybe you don’t really feel like it’s a “big deal” the way people around you seem to. It might just be that perfect moment when a puzzle piece clicks into place and it was always meant to be there. That dissonance between other people’s behavior and how you feel might be confusing too (I had this!).

Now, you probably understand things in a new light. It’s a good thing to become closer with yourself. Be nice to yourself and explore your experience of the world with a new light–you don’t necessarily have to do anything huge with that new info, but acknowledging it and naming its root and learning to use it to be kind to yourself in the future is cool. Don’t pretend like it isn’t there; name it, in your head, when you notice a trait in yourself that stems from it. Let yourself know what those things are and what they come from, and make adjustments where necessary to accommodate them. Be kind to yourself and don’t worry.

It’s good. You are good. You have always been good. Thank you.

[avasilvugh]

TELL ME! I always love your thoughts!

BLESS U

so the all the kids love their moms a Whole Heck of a Lot right and obviously kara and lena love their kiddos more than words can describe and its not that there’s any favoritism??  at all, like none, its just that stella is sort of naturally closer to lena??  in the same way that finn and maia are sort of naturally closer to kara, like there’s a certain sort of distance created when you’re a kid and you physically can’t Be a certain way around one of your parents

so there’s not distance per se but just....things that kara can do with finn and maia that she cant do with stella and things that lena can do with stella that she cant do with finn and maia 

and its not a Thing but then it sort of becomes a Thing ??  not so much for finn and maia bc lena and kara have gotten creative in making sure that lena’s always been able to be as involved in their lives as kara 

but heres the deal: maia and finn have kara’s powers and kara trains them.  that’s cool, thats fine, stella gets why she does; kara takes them to the deo with her a lot and they punch cars together (especially maia, she’s got a Lot of Rage to work through) and they go flying and kara helps them practice control over their powers and stella can’t help but feel a little left out??  bc for the most part, because her siblings are in control of their powers, they have the option to do everything she can with lena but stella doesnt have the same option with kara

and she hides it rlly well!  she does!  bc its not kara’s fault and its not finn and maia’s fault, its just how they are, and stella decides it has to be her fault which in turn feeds into the dark thoughts she already has bc, you know, empath that acts as an emotional sponge for the world

kara and lena both notice little stella withdrawing, kara notices its more around her than lena and is like..heartbroken.  just fucking devastated bc holy shit what did she do how did this happen she fucked up she fucked up and lena tries to comfort her but she’s p worried too like fuck whats going on 

and it doesnt help that stella can literally feel everything that they feel???  so she just shoves her feelings down even more and bounces back and then it boils over and this one in her class says her brother said that her brother is a word that makes stella shake with anger and she just hauls off and punches the girl

lena’s usually the parent the school calls first but she’s in opal city for a conference so lena calls kara, then the school calls kara and she’s in the middle of an interview and she let lena go to voicemail bc if its urgent she’ll call back but then she’s like “crap, it’s my daughter’s school” and her subject (idk wonder woman or smth) is like “omg no don’t worry, family first” and is super understanding when kara bolts

and like.......she would have expected this from maia, maybe (maia, who still takes the supplement that suppresses her powers bc she doesnt trust herself not to, maia, who gets so numb she just sometimes hits stuff just to feel something) but not stella??  not tiny little stella that used to sob when she accidentally pulled lena’s hair as a toddler or completely forgot kara had superstrength and would apply bandaid after bandaid when she bumped her elbow on the table

so she gets to the school and stella’s just Not Talking, in full shut down like she gets when she gets fried from the world (its sort of sensory overload??  thats the best way to describe it) and she shies away when kara reaches for her, tries to tip her face up to get a better look at the black eye she’s got forming

pls note that stella’s maybe eleven and still Small and she looks even tinier to kara now, looks more like the baby she pulled out of an abandoned car on the pier, and kara’s heart twists and twists at the way stella wont look at her

so she lays her phone on the chair next to stella and marches into the principals office and, while she agrees that stella shouldnt have resorted to violence, she also fully trusts and believes that her daughter wouldnt do anything without reason and she just verbally eviscerates the other mom, who tries to make it out like her daughter hasnt been harassing stella for years or anything (bc kara fucking commits every name to memory, every person that has ever hurt her kids, remembers their names what they said or did and she seethes bc she cant ??  fix all their problems for them???)

and when she marches back out, stella’s playing candy crush and has managed to escape with only suspension for the rest of the day and she still wont look at kara but she grabs onto kara’s hand with surprising force and kara’s like Okay, everything is going to be Okay

eventually stella says it, not to kara, but to alex bc she cant face her mom, either of her moms, with this, not when she’ll feel everything kara feels and she cant handle how it’ll hurt her to know that stella feels so angry and so useless, feels like she cant keep up with kara so she doesnt feel like she should even try, like she doesnt deserve to be kara zor-el’s daughter 

so alex asks if she cant tell this to kara and stella sort of sobs out a please and alex is a lot better at compartmentalizing, which is a skill stella appreciates bc it means all she can feel is alex’s love for her, kindness, warmth, not the way alex’s heart is breaking for her youngest niece

so alex tells kara and kara is fucking devastated like holy shit how did she not see this and alex and lena both are like hey its okay, she buries her feelings, thats part of her powers and lena’s like i didnt see it either but none of it helps bc kara’s like i failed her, i failed my kid

stella usually carpools w/ her best friend home or to lena’s office after school but kara all but demands an afternoon off, storming into snapper’s office and throwing him for like.....several loops with the way she basically tells him she’s taking this thursday and every thursday hereafter off.  and she calls ari’s mom to tell her that she’s picking up stella and she’s the first car at pick up and she picked up stella’s favorite drink from starbucks on her way over and her heart sort of twists a little at the obvious surprise on stella’s face to see her but she works extra hard to box that up and it must be working because stella’s stormy expression has already cleared a bit by the time she makes it to the car

when they pull up to the deo, stella figures that it must be time for her like biannual brain scans, to see how she’s matching up with other telepathic aliens bc they still dont know that much abt her species, but then kara’s guiding her down a different hallway, still just chatting with her abt her day and stuff like that

they walk into one of the Many training rooms and stella’s like ?????  and kara tosses her a gym bag from a locker that stella notices has her name on it and is like i know it’s really hard to not be able to do what your brother and sister can and i am so sorry that i never saw how much you’re struggling.  and i know its not fair that you dont get to punch cars with us, but you can punch this punching bag and talk to me and stella’s sort of overwhelmed??  but in a good way for once

so thats how they start spending thursday afternoons.  kara has alex teach stella proper form after that first day and then they figure out a routine—kara greets stella with a snack afterschool and they head to the deo and dont talk about the heavy stuff until after stella’s changed, after kara’s wrapped stella’s hands, until stella’s gotten a few good punches in, kara steadying the bag.  then it all starts coming out, all the terrible thoughts stella has, all the horrible things she feels that arent even her feelings to begin with, all these awful orphaned emotions that she takes on without meaning to

the system works rlly well bc stellas too wrapped up in her own head, in her words and in making sure she’s in the proper stance, throwing her weight the right way to notice anything kara’s thinking or feeling which is good bc she’s a kid and she shouldnt be worried about her mom’s stuff, she should just feel safe enough to let kara carry some of the burden

THIS GOT RLLY LONG AND I HAVE MORE SO ITS UNDER THE CUT SRY

IM GOING TO SCREAM ABT THE DYNAMIC BTWN THE KIDDOS FOR A MINUTE OKAY

finn is the Ultimate big brother but he is So Soft oh my god.  like??  he Will Not hurt anyone, he refuses to but the absolute second it looks like someone’s fucking with his sisters he makes it seem like he is absolutely willing to hurt someone.  he’s only hit someone once, and that’s this one guy that was pulling shit with stella he shouldnt have been (stella was visiting finn at college and definitely wasnt supposed to be at the omega phi party but well u kno how dumb teenagers can be) and finn punched him once, with nowhere near his full strength and the asshole cried and finn only felt a little bad

but !  for the most part he’s not the beat ppl up for my sisters kind of brother, he’s the do you wanna talk about it brother, the you’re on your period so i ran over to the corner store and got those stick on heat packs you like and also three pints of ben and jerrys brother, the your date bailed and youre crying in your room and think i cant hear it so i cancelled my plans and now we’re going to have a movie night on the couch, mama ordered chinese food brother

he’s the one that follows maia and cleans up the mess she’s made but only after he’s wrapped her up in the tightest hug he thinks she’ll tolerate and promised not to tell moms anything.  he’s the one that helps her keep a lid on it most days, appearing from a classroom and pulling her into it when it looks like she’s about to rip a locker door off its hinges.  the one that intervenes with teachers on her behalf after she blows up in class, smoothes things over so their moms dont have to get involved or ever know about it

he’s the one that acts as a buffer for stella a lot of the time, especially when they’re very little.  he keeps by her side when she’s very small, still unsteady on her feet and that’s their holding pattern, her stumbling and him right beside her and offering her his hand.  he’s the one that acts as a go between for her when the world overwhelms her and, ranking just below their moms, is one of her favorite people and one of her Certified Safe Places.  the list is a small one (basically consisting of lena, kara, finn, alex, maggie, eliza, and j’onn), it’s v prestigious in his opinion

sweet child of mine, i could wax poetic abt how soft and gentle finn is with his sisters and his mothers and the world in general

MAIA IS SUCH A FIRE STARTER OH MY GOD i love her i love her so much but she is destructive as hell.  like the best way to describe it is this—u know how soft finn is?  he’s kara danvers.  maia?  kara zor-el when angered.  she screams and she rages and she’s a hurricane and she breaks things and burns things but she is so fucking careful with the people she loves and even though she loves flying, she loves not worrying about hurting them more so she keeps her powers suppressed for like.....basically from birth to when she’s about twenty or so and she’s a mess but she’s a mess you call when you’re in a fight in a denny’s parking lot and you know she’ll show up even though it’s 2am and you started the fight

and she loves her family so so much??  so much it hurts???  and she’s not good with feelings like finn and can’t read ppl like stella so she doesn’t know what to do with the way she feels most of the time so she beats ppl up for her siblings without them even having to ask 

she finds finn locked in the girls bathroom once and doesnt even say a fucking word, she just storms into the boys locker room and starts threatening ppl until they point her to the ringleader and he well he never messes with finn ever again and quite honestly flinches whenever maia danvers walks into a room

stella gets called a freak?  technically maia doesn’t beat the kid up that said it, bc he’s like twelve, but she still intimidates the hell out of him.  in college, stella comes out and like most ppl r cool w/ it but this one dude in her freshmen seminar calls her a dyke and stella doesnt even necessarily tell maia, but she’s in the city and has brunch with her the next day and can fucking see it in her face and so she does beat him up

most ppl at school dont realize their mom is Lena Luthor bc she’s mostly known as mrs danvers or maia/finn/stella’s mom/other mom and she rlly looks v different when she’s at the school or at a recital or performance or game, usually in casual clothes with her hair down and sunglasses on, so no one ever rlly puts it together but once maia heard these kids saying that any luthor still standing is a threat, you know? and she sort of destroys them

i mean, to be clear, they r alive

they also dont ever say the name luthor within their high school ever again

when she gets older, she sort of mellows out thanks to age and maturity and also a fuck ton of therapy but she still verbally destroys ppl and is that person that’s always like they’re not treating you right?  leave their ass

and stella oh little stella

she’s like very much the baby of the family, like there’s abt five years btwn her and finn and three btwn her and maia and she idolizes her siblings even if she’ll never voice it

she is also a giant brat sometimes like she mercilessly blackmails them for rides and party invites and whatever else she wants (obviously not mercilessly, never about the big stuff, never about anything real) and they know she’d never follow through on her threats but they give her whatever it is she wants anyway bc that’s sort of part of the game they play, you know?

she also takes like.....a lot of care for them.  like as much as they protect her, she protects them.  she’s usually the first line of defense when things get shitty, bc she feels it??  and is sort of forced into noticing first.  when finn starts getting nightmares, it’s stella that clambers into his bed and starts telling him stories.  she’s the first to get a Bad Vibe from maia’s bf and she fucking acts on it, tells their moms.  she knows when her siblings are happy and she cheers them on so fucking loudly and she knows when theyre hurting and she’s the first to bring them kleenex and snacks

#kara danvers #lena luthor #im yelling this got so long oh my god #supergirl #supercorp #superbabies #thats it thats my tag for this series #tinytoffeebean #human interaction

[turbomun]

hi im turbomun and tonight i completely failed at being a human being

so like I mentioned before, I started a new job at restaurant called Homeroom. I've never worked at a restaurant before but I have done service jobs in the past so i figured it couldn't be that different. i was Fuckin Wrong. tonight was my second night of training as a host. now, this restaurant is both very small and very, very popular. like "2 hour wait times for less than 40 tables" popular. this means that it gets extremely loud and crowded and basically remains that way for the entire 6-hour shift. meanwhile I'm trying to learn a new job where I have to not only seat people, but also help clear tables, get tables ready as they empty, keep track of how far along everyone is so that I'm not overloading the servers, and basically do all of this at the same time while moving really, really, really fast or else both the guests and your coworkers get pissy. full disclosure: I am autistic. it doesn't impact me as much as it used to bc ive been working for years to deal with it, and at my previous jobs, basically the worst thing I had was face blindness when dealing with customers. even when things got busy I never had sensory issues. but somewhere in the middle of the fourth hour of Extreme Multitasking with extremely loud ceaseless noise and crowds so tight I could barely move, my brain started to break. around this time I was also getting criticism from my coworkers (sometimes aimed at me, sometimes at the real host who was training me) that I wasn't communicating properly. basically I wasn't saying "behind" or "between" when maneuvering around and when they said it to me, I wasn't responding. this was kind of alarming to me bc like...every time I noticed someone around, I was following protocol. so basically there were people around and I couldn't even see or hear them because my senses were just completely overloaded. i told this to my trainer and she was like "oh yeah I had a hard time recognizing the waiters when I first started working here" and....no that's not exactly the issue here......... I tried a little longer to make it work before caving and grabbing the manager. and he sent me to his boss, who was very understanding about it, and told me that he was cancelling the rest of my host training for the weekend and that he'd start me at the To-Go position on Wednesday (which should be much easier to deal with). but i still feel like literal garbage tl;dr i am off work early bc I'm an autistic piece of shit

#life of turbo #long ass post