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yeoosaangg · 6 months

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Shameless || Kinktober - Day 31

pairing ▸ kang taehyun × f!reader × hueningkai

now playing ▸ shameless - camilla cabello

⤷ ❝so many mornings i woke up confused. in my dreams, i do anything i want to you.❞

genre ▸ non-idol au, fwb, smut

warnings ▸ mutual masturbation, throat fucking, double penetration

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You have both your friends sitting on your bed, backs leaning against the headboard.

You have your legs slotted in between their thighs, a vibrator pressed up against your clit. They were pumping their cocks watching you pleasure yourself.

You're basically sitting on their laps, just slightly off center for them to see your pussy.

Y/n: Such pussy fiends, begging to fuck me with your big cocks inside me. Is that what you two want?

Taehyun: Yeah, wanna ruin you.

Kai: Want you so bad, baby.

Y/n: Be good and I'll let you.

They start pumping their cocks faster while you increase the intensity of the vibrator. Soon enough, you're all cumming undone.

You crawl over Kai's lap and bounce on his cock.

Taehyun: No fair! Why does he get to fuck you first?

Y/n: My ass is still available, handsome.

You stop your rhythm just enough for Taehyun to shove his cock balls deep inside your asshole. You scratch Kai's chest and start fucking yourself on both of their cocks.

Taehyun takes control of your hips and slams his hips into you, cock hitting deep inside you.

Kai let's out a series of moans and screams your name over and over again. Taehyun's thrusts give Kai the same pleasure inside your dripping pussy.

You clench around them and squirt all over the place. They don't stop until you milk every single drop of cum from their dicks.

Taehyun pulls out, but fucks his cum back into you a few times before stepping away. You nuzzle into Kai's body, grinding so his cum stays deep inside you.

Y/n: Both of you are so good to me.

Kai: What are friends for, right?

Taehyun cleans you up as best as he could with his best friend's cock still in your pussy.

Kai: You wanna sleep like this, baby?

Y/n: Mhm. It's your turn, anyway.

True.

Taehyun helps Kai lay down properly by pulling at his ankles. The sudden movement made both of you moan with Kai's cock hitting your cervix.

All three of you sleep comfortably that night.

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a/n: very short cuz i'm sleep deprived. it's literally 6am, wtf is wrong with me? (๑•́ ᎔ ก̀๑) BUT!!! happy end of kinktober, i had a great time writing these. thanks for reading ‹𝟹

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spicywhenspeaking · 5 months

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If I'm There: Chapter Eight

read from part one!

Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams, the things you love the most get left behind.....

Warnings: mentions of alcohol use, mentions underage drinking, absent parents

“Hey Ky, I thought you were staying with dad?” I ask hesitantly not wanting to provoke his anger that I’ve grown so accustomed to. “I wanted to finish school in person. It doenst matter, dads place sucked anyway.” His smile falls and his shoulders tense. “Oh okay, well I’m gonna go back to my room.” I shuffle out awkwardly. “Okay, later.”

Natalie: so kyle is back…said dads place sucked. Wtf! 8:45pm

Noah: WHAT?! -_- your dad didn’t even call first? 8:47

Natalie: probably called my mom, but I have talked to her in a few days. She was passed out on the couch this morning. 8:47

Natalie: looks like she had a bottle of wine for dinner…or is it considered breakfast if you have it at 6am? 8:47

Noah: yikes. I’m sorry Nat. 8:48

Noah: did he say anything else? 8:48

Natalie: no, just started acting all defensive so I dropped it. 8:49

Noah: hm..think something happened with you dad? 8:50

Natalie: with Kyle? Probably. 8:51

Natalie: I’m just going to do my best to ignore him, and maybe we move movie night to your place lol. 8:52

Noah: lol of course, and you’re obviously welcome here anytime. I’ll come and pick you up anytime just say the word. 8:52

Natalie: my hero :) <3 ily

Noah: ily :)

We text back and for the rest of the night until I pass out on my bed.

The next day Noah picks me up in the late afternoon so we can go to one of his shows together. Nick is in the back seat when I climb in the car. Greeting them both we drive off towards the venue they’re playing at for the night. Noah’s band has really picked up traction. He's put together a four member group of guys he’s found at other gigs, Nick is playing guitar and they have another guy Julius on drums and Mikey on Bass. They’re older and I don’t talk to them much. They’ve been asked to play in more bars and even some small venues. I can’t make all of them because of work but I try to go to as many as I can. It’s new territory for me. I’ve been to a lot of his shows over the summer but they're getting bigger and the crowd is rowdy. I have to stick to the back to not get overwhelmed but I’m happy to be there supporting Noah.

The school year starts off strong. After a few weeks I’m managing my class work and work at the coffee shop pretty well. My AP classes are challenging but not impossible. Maggie from work is in my AP Econ class and it’s nice to have someone to study with. Sometimes Noah comes to surprise me at work. He'll order a drink and flirt with me the whole time I’m making it just to see how red he can make my face; those days he will wait until I’m off so he can drive me home. We’ll make out in the car until I have toI pry myself out before it gets too late. Noah and Kyle aren’t best friends by any means. They do their best to ignore each other in school and when Noah is picking me up or dropping me off but, that doesn’t stop him from making random comments here and there.

“You came in pretty late last night, Noah hoping you flunk out completely and follow him around forever?” Kyle snips one morning as I’m making myself a bowl of cereal before catching the bus. “Since when is it your job to keep tabs on my comings and goings?” I say back to him “you don’t ever get any shit from me when you show up wasted on a school night. You know why?” I question. “Because I’m not mom or dad and neither are you, I can look out for myself just fine. But thanks for your concern” my voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Just be careful sis, he’s clearly more concerned with his own rockstar future than yours. Don’t throw your life away for some guy.” He finishes and I can almost hear genuine care in his voice. “You’ll end up just like mom.” With that I tense, my bowl of cereal placed down with more force than necessary, sending milk and Cheerios spilling over the side. “I am nothing like her.” I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. “And I never will be.” I exit the house without looking back at Kyle and slam the door, heading for the bus.

Noah has a Thursday night show out of town and is all but begging me to go “I can’t Noah, I wish I could but I have an Econ test Friday and a science project due” I sigh, knowing I’m letting him down. “This show is huge baby. There’s going to be a lot of people there that could really help me.” He’s holding my hand’s against his chest and I can feel his rapid heartbeat. “Having you there would mean everything to me. I promise I’ll get you home right after the show, you’ll be in bed sleeping, fully rested for your test.” He says with the sweetest smile. “I need my Natalie with me” he kisses me and my defense melt “okayyy, okay, I’ll go,” I concede.

“Yes!” He picks me up triumphantly and spins me around making us both laugh “thank you Natty” he squeezes me in a hug “ugh I love you so much” I return his hug and sigh like a love sick fool “I love you too”.

Thursday night rolls around and while I have last period free, Noah and Nick skip their last class so they can meet Julius and Mikey to make sound check. The venue is a little over an hour away and we make it there by 4:30 just minutes before he needs to be on for sound check. The night goes on without a hitch; Noah and Nick meet a lot of people and seem to make a lot of connections but time is slipping away. Suddenly it’s 11:30pm and I cant find either of them anywhere. I’m searching the dark and smokey venue and can’t see Noah’s towering figure anywhere. Quickly becoming overwhelmed with all the drunken patrons bumping into me, I decide to go wait outside on the curb for them to finish up. I take out my phone and text Noah that I’m waiting outside so they can find me when they’re done. Finally they finish up and I notice it’s already 12:20am. The car unlocks and I take a deep breath as I climb in, exhausted from the night.

I’m used to being fast asleep on a school night by this hour, so I’m having a hard time staying awake as Noah excitedly recounts the night “Natty, that was amazing I can’t believe it, we played so well. I think that guy from Nashville is going to offer us some recording space! Isn’t that awesome?!” I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone muster the energy to respond. I let out a soft “mmhm” in reply. “I’m sorry baby, I’ll get you home soon. Just close your eyes and we’ll be there before you know it.”

There’s a massive pileup on the way home and with the sounds of the sirens mixed with the lights shining I don’t sleep at all. When we finally make it back to my house it's nearly 3am. I just about fall out of the car before Noah is able to throw it in park. As I open my door, he goes to exit with me, exasperatedly I turn back and tell him, “Don’t worry about it. I’m going straight to bed.” If I had the energy I would have slammed the door. He exits anyway and races after me apologizing “I’m sorry Natty, I know I said it wouldn't be late.” I stop before opening the front door and look at him with exhausted eyes “I know you didnt mean too Noah. Look, I’m too tired for this.” I sigh. “I just want to go sleep for the few hours I have left before my alarm goes off.” I open the door and stand in the doorway “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I say to him, sleep the only thing on my mind. “Okay, love you Natty.” he responds and leans to press a kiss to the top of my head. “Mmhm, love you” I tell him, closing the door and locking it. I head upstairs and crash onto my bed, asleep instantly.

When I wake up the next morning I turn over in bed and look at my alarm clock. “OH FUCK!” I shriek. It’s 10am.

I missed my Econ exam.

page divider from here :)

Next chapter here!

xoxoxox love you guys thanks for reading!!

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount

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shion-yu · 6 months

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Gave myself almost-pneumonia and my couch looks like a damn stock photo.

Since the whole time I’ve been like, “Am I living one of my shitty fanfictions? Coz this sucks.” Let me tell y’all a story.

Cold weather sucks as a severe asthmatic. I moved to the South so I didn’t have to deal with the frigid winters of upstate NY. I’m basically on and off sick until Spring comes (and then there’s allergy season but I digress). I think it’s helped some, but my lungs are just fucked up ok?

Anyways I went to a concert last Saturday and it was freezing. Then I went to the zoo on Sunday with a friend and it was also cold and swarming with kids who don’t know how to cover their mouths when they cough. It was a great weekend but by Tuesday I was sick - great. I had some warning bc my friend I went to the zoo with said they got sick yesterday. But it just seemed like a minor cold and I’ve been through this a million times, I truly did not think it was gonna get too much worse. My asthma was mostly under control and I rested a lot all week.

Thursday I’m more tired, but I start nebulizer treatments and even skip ice skating class and reschedule it for Saturday bc hey, I’m responsible. But Friday I start to feel worse. Like to the point where everybody at work is like wtf go home and one of them told me she’s gonna get me holy water. But it’s okay, it’s still been SO much worse and I’m really fine.

Saturday morning I wake up and I feel like I’m cured. So I go to ice skating class. And maybe I take a little walk in the rain. Bad fuckin idea. By the end of the day I’m having full blown asthma attacks one after the other and sweating like crazy. My abdomen is aching from coughing so much that it hurts to sit up. But I really don’t want to go to the ER. Not again. So I message my pulmonologist and hope I can just say never mind I’m good now by the time he answers on Monday.

That brings us to today, Sunday. I woke up at 6am after only 4 hours of sleep because I can’t stop choking. I’m sneezing and coughing up fluorescent green stuff, my throat tastes like blood and I have a fever. I really, really didn’t want to go to the doctor but it’s time. I drag my sorry ass to urgent care where the entire hour I sit in waiting, everybody who walks by gives me a ‘goddamn’ look because I’m coughing loud enough to alert the entire damn office. I’m so embarrassed bc what if they think I’m being dramatic and wasting time - again? I awkwardly explain my situation and the doctor sends me for CXR. When it comes back he says “Well, you don’t have pneumonia yet but see alllll this stuff here? That’s inflammation. I’m gonna prescribe antibiotics and (way heavier) steroids and you might have bronchitis already but your asthma is so bad that it’s indistinguishable by now. Also with your lungs you probably won’t be able to tell you have pneumonia until it’s pretty bad.”

So anyways, that’s my week. At least I got a lot of writing done for Whumptober - didn’t have to dig very deep to find enough misery to go around to all my fav OCs lol.

#self obs #taken before I got a 10x higher dose of steroids and also antibiotics #brought to you by ~asthma~#almost pneumonia bc the doc said I probably have bronchitis but my asthma is so bad they’re indistinguishable at this point #CXR questionable #so that’s fun #anyways it’d be hot if it wasn’t me so here ya go #sicknario #snzario #snz #snzblr #snz kink #snzfucker #flu whump #illness whump #asthma #coughing

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bigolgay · 4 months

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Happy new years

Nervous rambling below

I think I’m a slut

Actually I know I am

First I kiss Harley at midnight (a surprisingly good kisser… for a man. Not a fan of the stubble tho, that’s not fun). Gotta kiss the homies💪💪💪

THEN PRETTY GIRL FLIRTS WITH ME AS I COME OUT OF THE TOILET.

FIND OUT PRETTY GIRL WAS IN THE YEAR ABOVE ME IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.

THEN WE FRICK.

IDK WHAT DO NOW.

IVE MESSAGED HARLEY BUT HE HASNT RESPONDED.

HE DROVE ME HERE.

Actually now I think about it he’s probably downstairs, omg okay maybe I’m safe. He can take me home in the morning. I thought I was stranded.

Anyway. Im just laying on the bed in the spare room (I didn’t frick pretty girl in it worry not. That’s fucked up.) while pretty girl is sleeping.

BUT I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE IM A SLUT. AND AM FEELKNG THE GUILT.

Also my already hurty back is hurty much worse now (don’t read to far into that). I am now sober as well so I haven’t got alcohol as a pain reliever. I could sneak downstairs and see if there’s any alcohol left but also I don’t wanna still be drunk in the morning.

ALSO I DONT WANNA BE A DICK AND SMASH AND DASH. NUT AND BOLT. HIT IT AND QUIT IT. One hit wonder? Wait stop I’m trying not to giggle and wake her up.

My original plans for tonight was to get drunk and watch my mum and stepdad get stoned and then when they go to bed play some gta online because lols.

But then FUCKING HARLEY IS LIKE “hey guess what? (Name of person here) is throwing a house party for new years and I miss you so much because you’re the most magical human being ever and I love you endlessly, so please please please come with me and grace me with your presence🙏” I might’ve paraphrased slightly, but that was basically what he said.

And I’m a good girl and turn to my mum and go “pls let me go house party I’ll be good gorl and not cause any trouble or come stumbling into the house at ridiculous time.” And she said “👍”.

AND THEN I GO AND FRICK SOMEONE. I LIED MUM I SORRY I CAUSE TROUBLE.

Although I’m an adult and she totally won’t care right? Who I spend my time with is none of her business. Ahhhhh guys I’m actually secretly a lil baby and sososo shy and I’m just a silly little guy.

Omg it’s only been 15 minutes??? I’m running out of things to do now. Like what else am I to say???? I mean it’s 6am… I could totally just go downstairs and make food or something.

OMG SHE JUST SCARED THE POOP OUT OF ME SHE JUST STARTED TALKING IN HER SLEEP.

I wonder where Harley is. I think he’s in the garage? Although it’s cold as balls in there, but they were all playing never have I ever in there last I checked… which… was like… 5 and a half hours ago?

My new years celebrations are usually so tame wtf.

Okay… I took a minute (several minutes) to think. I’m freaking out for no reason. We fricked. That’s fine and cool. We both consenting adults. I’m an adult. Mum isn’t the boss of me. I’ve had sex before. Oh god has she had sex before?? I mean probably. I’ve never done a proper one nightstand before guys. Non committal sex? Oh baby that’s the closest I’ve ever had to romantic affection in my life. But I’ve always sort of known them beforehand. But this is fine. New experience!!! Okay I’m calmer now. Should I sleep? I guess I should probably try and sleep.

Okay, ramblings concluded. I’m not nervous anymore. See? Sometimes I just need to write my thoughts down so I can look at them and rationalise them. Goodnight I guess…

#also!! to my anons real quick!#I have seen your asks! I will answer them at some point tomorrow (today…)#I hope you’ve both had a great new years🫶🏼#idk if either of you will see this #but who knows!#goodnight!#who threw the tennis ball!?!🎾#also I don’t know why I keep saying frick and not fuck or… sleep with?#IM AWKWARD AND DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN A SERIOUS WAY

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msbarrows · 2 months

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I had the weirdest dream this morning. Not so much weird because of content, but just... weird.

Background context: I often find it easier to go to sleep if I pull up a fic I've read before (pref several times before) on my tablet, set the TTS running, turn the volume down super-low, and just listen to it with my eyes closed. Occupies the brain just enough that the small distract-able rodents that power it stop running on the wheel, and I drop off after a bit instead of lying there awake with too much going on in my head.

Of course this conflicts a bit with my desire, once I wake up in the mornings, to want to lie in bed for a bit listening to a fic before actually getting up and starting my day, because my brain has now been trained that lying in bed listening to quiet TTS means sleepy times and will all-too-often doze off again. So I've gotten used to turning up the volume until it's a bit loud, so my brain knows that no, it's not sleepy-time any more.

This morning I woke up stupid early, like 6am-ish, and after listening to loud reading for a bit my brain decided I needed more sleep anyway. Except I have a loud voice reading aloud. So my brain incorporated that into a dream. I'm in a coffee or donut shop of some kind trying to order a drink, and there's this leonine older man on his phone, projecting his voice as he talks (hence the loudness). Meanwhile dream-me can't hear the counter-guy over the loud voice, it's as if I've gone deaf apart from phone guy's voice, though counter guy can hear me just fine and I can mostly hear my own voice (usually it's me who can't make a noise, and everyone else is fine).

So he's trying to talk to me and I'm having to explain, "Sorry, I've gone temporarily deaf. Apart from that guy, of course," *gestures over shoulder towards phone guy* "Him I can hear just fine." We both roll our eyes, I get my order placed, then I'm digging through my purse looking for my debit card to pay for the purchase... can't find it. Can find loose change. So I'm picking out loonies and toonies and quarters and some dimes, figuring I'll need $6-$7 dollars or so, but I can't keep count and keep having to start over as I pick out coins. I'm trying to ask counter guy what I owe him, and he's trying to tell me, but I still can't hear him, just phone guy's loud voice. "Hold up enough fingers for how many dollars will cover it, I still can't hear you." He laughs and shrugs and pushes the drink over to me and waves a 'forget about it, it's free' gesture and walks back towards the kitchen. I push over the change anyway and take the drink.

Dream-me is now looking for a table, and is delighted to realize I know the story the phone guy is telling. A fellow enjoyer of it! Awesome! I should take my copy out of my purse and flash the cover at him so we can have that delighted 'same hat!' moment at each other over it, without interrupting his phone call of course.

Except I can't find the book in my purse. Nor my tablet it might be on. Or my phone. Or anything else I recognize, actually, and I've never owned a purse that looks like this, wtf...

And then of course I finally wake up.

Mostly I'm just amused about how my brain decided to work with the loud noise in the room. Like I've slept through some loud noises before (up to and including actual literal pile-driving just down the street from my apartment), but this was just so funny to me once I woke up and figured out what had happened.

Also it's one of my most clearly-remembered dreams I've ever had, even hours later. Like I can remember how as I was picking out coins I was thinking about how I used to say that one of the nice things about loonies and toonies (back before paying with cash became the exception rather than the norm) was that you might have only a handful of loose change but if you checked it still might be $10-$20 or so. And was also thinking about how unusual it was to be paying with cash at all these days.

Also, you know that thing about how every face you see in a dream is one you've actually seen before in real life? Yeah, I actually remember both the faces in the dream. The counter-guy was one of my college teachers, and the leonine phone guy was Canadian flutist Robert Aitken (about 30 years younger than he is now - as he looked when I first saw him).

Brains are just so weird sometimes. Doubly so when dreaming.

#Randomness #Dreams #Brains are weird

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 6 months

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Thursday November 9th

6am Woke up really well rested! Good!

Got sad when I saw I didn't have any messages overnight. CBT: This is your anxiety plugging emotions into nothing. Nothing has transpired, there's no real reason to feel anxiety, the anxiety is only coming from inside you.

Why hasn't he texted you? He's sleeping and he's a POS you don't need that controlling your energy. You can't control what he does. Reclaim your energy.

What am I thankful for this morning?

- nights rest, stretches, soft blankets, cool fan, and the fact that I have no hw due tonight! Think about that! ❤️

630am I should buy another candle for the bathroom for my showers lol don't know why the last one went so quick

7am tumblr can be a really nice positive space, it's like the only positive social media like that's kinda insane.

8am about to get ready for class, I can't stop thinking about him. I would like to try to not text him today just to see what happens really. I'm afraid he won't notice or not care and just not text me either. Maybe that's what I need. Whatever this is, is clearly not working. Got to leave early enough to get a coffee bc maybe that will distract me. Drink for lunch too, I'm tired of gorging myself and wasting money on food. Just breathe oh yeah I'm going to take a benadryl and maybe that will help with anxiety.

830am I want to text him so bad but I really shouldn't lol. He doesn't care enough to change. I won't say he doesn't care at all, but he doesn't care enough for me to keep doing this. I got an iced coffee and an egg McMuffin :)

11am Daydreaming about traveling over the break. I need to be realistic tho. I know I am able to take off on a flight somewhere but let's be real I probably won't have the time off and money to do something like that. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't want another Disney scenario where I just go completely broke on one adventure, I'd rather do day trips, maybe an overnight if that even sounds like a good idea. I like sleeping in my own bed unless it's for a really good reason tbh. I want to focus on things around here that I don't typically have availability or mental capacity to do. I know I'll have fun regardless. Maybe even do the plasma thing some afternoons or mornings really to fund the adventures I'll have on my true off days. Just thoughts :)

1130am I passed my HIV patient counseling! It says satisfactory in the gradebook! For some reason I can't see my rubric so I started to panic and doubt myself, but now I know I'm not the only one who can't see their rubric, so I'm sure that part is a fluke/ irrelevant :) just breathe and enjoy the passing grades ❤️ if something is wrong, someone will let you know ❤️

12pm lunchtime! I'm getting curry chicken. Journaling is actually helping a lot and made me realize how intrusive and repetitive my thoughts are when I don't write them down. It's like I need a little vent port for these thoughts to fly out of my brain like steam out of a boiling pot of water. Crazy tbh lol.

1pm Ate lunch outside with some friends and it felt great!!

3pm lol I zoned out during the whole Verbal Defense (not mine!) But then he texted me good afternoon so I sent him a picture of my sweet tea, nothing crazy. I won't let him control my evening. I just wonder what is his motive lol. During class I was looking up free and cheap things to do and it's funny how a little googling can come up with a thousand things to do! So much fun to be had in the world :)

4pm he got me looking at my phone for a text back bitch guess what I'm taking a nap just like I planned lmao I'm not waiting around to talk to you wtf. Call me like I asked you to if you wanna talk, I hate this texting shit and he knows that. What am I a high schooler? Texting bs got you into this mess in the first place dumbass. I'm eating a cupcake and taking a nap.

6pm I have woke up from my nap. No messages lol I guess he just wanted to see if I was alive?? Don't know don't care. Nap was ok, cats kept waking me up or micro waking me up I think but that's ok too :) - There's really only one week left of this bullshit I am so proud of myself ❤️ I actually love the idea of NOT burning myself out the last week so that when I leave school I don't necessarily NEED to do that hibernating thing where I feel like shit for 4-5 days afterwards. I'd like to exit my verbal defense maybe take a nap just like I did today to refresh and then shit take myself out for a nice dinner and get dressed up. Instead of getting drunk and passing out, I can do that most other nights after a closing shift 🤣 I want to start my vacay right away with no need to "recover" in such a drastic manner. Let's see if we can make that happen :) I think that also includes NOT avoiding fun things the next week, bc I always avoid fun stuff when I'm stressed as if I'm going to jinx myself, but I think I'm ready to break that curse of "all work and no play." We shall see ;)

9pm A little tipsy but I'm getting my work done :)

11pm I keep wanting to text him because I'm in a GOOD MOOD but when he doesn't reply it puts me in a bad mood....... So solution is simply DON'T TEXT HIM AND ENJOY YOUR GOOD MOOD QUEEN 😂 he's stupid for leaving and he's missing out on this drunken chill fest tbh and one day, I'll have a fuck ton of friends I've acquired through the years of being myself that I can randomly snap my thoughts to and they'll actually reply and care 😂

12am I know I texted him some dumb shit but idc I still feel good and I love journaling and Tumblr. Getting tacos again for dinner bc JFC I did a LOT of dumb shit work today. He's such a loser he can't do shit by himself not even get a taco 🤣 tbh one day I feel like you'll find someone who's gone through what you've gone through and you'll have so much in common and everything will just be EASY. Yeah I'm fucked but I'm not the only one going through this so I know I have an army of ppl out in the world who would have my back in a heartbeat and THAT'S what matters and what keeps me going fr.

1245am What a weird day. I want to keep journaling so bad I think it'll help me alottttt. I texted him a little but it's like it doesn't matter as much as it did previously lol. It's different now. Let's keep it up :)

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shirehobbit · 3 years

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at least the ocean’s always there for me

#australia #photography #ocean #sunset #sydney #yes I haven’t been on here much but im alive #lia talks #my photography #is that my tag idek #posting this at 6:40 at work #I had to start at 6am this morning wtf

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devildomwriter · 2 years

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Obey Me As Tumblr #10

MC: I burned like 3/4 of my forearm on the oven while I was making chicken and my friend was like “honey put some butter on it that draws the heat out” so he was rubbing a stick of butter on my arm and his brother was like “what’s for dinner” as he walked in and saw him slathering my arm in butter and he just slowly backed away

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Leviathan: Putting tape over my webcam thinking about how the CIA agent watched me cry everyday for a year and didn’t once check up on me: cut toxic people out in 2021

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Mammon: Why do 90% of medicines sound like cool wizard names?

Leviathan: It is I, Zyrtec, the almighty!

Solomon: You are no match for Xanax the Wise!

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MC: I’m watching a sports

MC: The sports did good

Simeon: Did the ball go

MC: Fuck dude it sure did

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Mephistopheles: Swear worlds are illegal now. If you say one you’ll be fined

Mammon: Heck

Mephistopheles: You’re on thin fucking ice

Mephistopheles: Oh no

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Beelzebub: What if mayonnaise comes in cans?

Solomon: That would suck because you can’t microwave metal…

Diavolo: Good morning to everyone except these two people

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Mammon: When you shake laminated paper and it does the thing

Diavolo: fwuuubufbuwbfwubfufbuwbuuuBUWBUBHUFUFBUWBUFBUB

Mammon: Exactly

•

Satan: So this lady came in this morning and walked up to the front desk to greet us before gasping loudly and saying “I forgot my dog”

She forgot to bring her dog with her

To the vet

•

Belphegor: Anyone wanna get in an argument with me

Mammon: Ok cream cheese isn’t that good

Belphegor: I was kidding but you know what fuck you for real

•

Leviathan: “You’ll understand when you’re older”

I am older and I understand absolutely nothing

Mammon: #i actually understand less

•

Beelzebub: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family

MC: Are you Canadian

•

Mammon:

Devildom confession

I’ve never seen snow irl

Mammon: I posted this and it snowed like two inches a week later for the first time in like 35 years wtf

Mammon:

Devildom confession

I’ve never had a million dollars

•

Asmodeus: Does the term “staff member” make you laugh because those two words both mean penis

Leviathan: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

•

MC: Millennial culture is having two wildly different conversations with the same person on two different apps at the same time

Conversation one — Beelzebub: cheese borger

Conversation two — Leviathan: that’s why I think I’m so afraid of making myself vulnerable because my father taught me I couldn’t ever truly trust anyone

•

Mammon: Just realized you don’t need to say 6am or 6pm, we already know the m is there so just wrote like 6a or 6p. Can’t believe no one figured this trick out before.

Satan: Or you could do the easy thing and say 0600 and 1800

Mammon: Yeah like adding a bunch of unnecessary zeroes is easy you piece of shit you fucking coward

•

Mammon: I hate being high why I keep hearing footsteps

Barbatos: Are you walking?

Mammon: Oh shit

•

Satan: A bicycle is the acoustic version of a motorcycle

Thirteen: What the fuck is everyone on this site taking?

•

MC: My roomba is scared of thunderstorms.

MC: I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off—no power surges or anything, just thunder—and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

Raphael: Humans will pack bond with anything

#obey me shall we date #funny obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me belphegor #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me barbatos #obey me luke #obey me raphael #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen

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morifinwes · 3 years

Text

wangxian fic rec list!

aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!

modern

wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)

Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.

Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.

Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.

between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)

☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die

Bluetooth: no.

"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.

resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)

In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)

"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."

Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.

the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)

Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…

“Would…” he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”

-------------------------------------

Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.

leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)

The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.

Wei Ying has no marks at all.

public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)

Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.

Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.

i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))

The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.

Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.

axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)

Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.

Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.

"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.

The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."

"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"

"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.

"Okay and…?"

"With someone else." The slurping resumed.

Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.

these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)

When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.

But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.

(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)

good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)

Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.

“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.

He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.

Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.

wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)

“A ring?”

And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.

“You swallowed it.”

“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”

of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)

Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.

of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)

For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it

canon setting

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)

Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.

Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.

lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)

Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.

one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)

Times change, but some people remain the same.

The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.

For one of their own, they will stand against the world.

Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.

so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)

Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.

Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.

Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

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windermerepeaks-cry · 2 years

Text

this morning is just one obstacle after the other, does the higher powers not want to give me a quiet moment to enjoy red tv??? album out at 6am, started listening and thought i'd get through the first five songs but then in the middle of all too well i really had to go cause i'd promised my dad to drive him to the train station. right there i died, imagine having to pause all to well??? wtf. at least i listened through the bridge.

dropped my dad off, got to work at 7am, first one there, started recording myself listening to all too well 10 min version cause i just really had to listen to that asap. 1.30 min into the song and my coworker decides to show up really fucking early?? wtf?? at least i hadn't gotten to the new lyrics yet. my coworker went to his desk a couple of rooms away so i restarted the song and got to record myself through all of it. i couldn't scream though, which really sucked. but definitely let out a bunch of muted squeals. my expression when the first new lyrics came up, lmao. died dead.

listened to i almost do, wanegbt, stay stay stay, the last time. then more coworkers came and now i have one sitting at the desk in front of me. and i just never know when he's going to spontaneously engage in conversation with me and ruin my listening experience. and I just can't decide if i should wait until i get home to listen to the rest of the album or just listen through it now. it's my fave ts album. it means so much to me. i want to listen. but I want it to be an experience not ruined by chatty coworkers. and i really want to record myself lmao. but i want to listen NOW. I simply do not know what to do. maybe I'll just pretend to pass out and go home.

anyways hope yalls listening experience has been way smoother than mine

#red tv #red taylors version #personal #text #ts #red #taylor swift #o #olivia reacts

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plusultra-anime · 3 years

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I’m actually an SPN blog: a few thoughts on 15x19

Hi I don’t make long posts like this often. But I wanted to gather a few thoughts from this latest episode, some that have been put forward by others and some of my own, just to make a bit more sense of where we’re at for myself and to gather/collate things into one place. I am writing this at 6am in a pre-coffee haze so forgive me if any details are wrong or make less sense.

There’s some positivity and some negativity (seems that way after pretty much every Bucklemming episode lol) so I’m trying to take a more positive angle – for my sanity. I may be clowning and I don’t want to get any hopes up to be disappointed but this is just where I’m at with it atm.

Bucklemming So this episode was written by Bucklemming, and as we expected it didn’t make a whole lot of sense in terms of narrative (to me anyway), apart from the overarching narrative of Being Free From God/The Writers. In true Bucklemming fashion we even had an appearance from Mark P (yuck). However, as many others have pointed out, the ~final~ final is written by Dabb, in whom I think we can have confidence that he knows what he’s doing. The big positive for me (and again, many others) is that Bucklemming got this episode and not 15x20!

Empty Space Again, this has already been pointed out by others, but there’s obvious empty space left at the end of this episode. We see Castiel’s name carved into the table, but no real effort made to bring him back into the home, with the two Winchesters “riding off into the sunset” as they started – pretty much alone. There’s also the empty space left by Eileen, and there’s clearly (imo) been an effort made this season to place her firmly next to Sam as endgame. And again, no real effort made by the Winchesters to find her.

We’ve long since moved on from the Two Brothers on the Road story and arrived at Found Family, and to me the empty space left by Cas, Eileen, Jack leaving to become God (?? Did I get that right? Because it sounds wrong lol) and leaving the homely, safe nest they’ve created for themselves, is glaring and screaming. This could just be bad writing (but we were promised no GoT ending, right?!) or it could be set up to make us want that empty space to be filled in the final episode.

I’ve not been digging too hard into the Internet this morning but I’ve already seen (who I assume to be) GA viewers left confused, saying “but what about Cas/Eileen/the contentment/the closure?” which I’ll get to in a moment. Of course, there are those who take the episode for what it is and are left happy with it, but I think that empty space is there for us to notice. I think.

Closure Speaking about the ending, I remember seeing J2 saying that it ended with a “content” feeling, and “closure”. To me, that’s not what we’ve seen at the end of 15x19. We’ve been shown time and again what a happy ending for Sam and Dean would look like. Dean running a bar, keeping his home nice, going out on the odd hunt but nothing world-shattering, peace. And for Sam we’ve been led towards him becoming a Leader for hunters, a scholar, and a partner to Eileen. We haven’t had any of this yet! And that’s not even considering the Castiel of it all!

(Closure, if we do consider the Castiel of it all, would involve a confession from Dean to match Cas’s, and for them to be endgame romantic to mirror Sam and Eileen. That’s all I want to say on that because I realise that with that kind of TV representation for queer couples what we already got could be all they managed to fight for from the network. Definitely tempering my hopes in this case. But I do have hopes! Because, as many wonderful meta writers have pointed out time and again, it makes narrative sense!)

At the end of a story, closure is important. Sometimes the absence of it can be satisfying in itself, projecting the narrative beyond the story we’ve been told for the audience to continue in our own minds. But I don’t think that’s quite what we’re getting here, because a good Lack of Closure ending still needs to be satisfying. Which, imo, this was not. We still have one episode left, and I’m wondering if that unsatisfied Lack of Closure feeling we all have right now is deliberate. (I think it probably is?)

Fake Out I saw someone (sorry I can’t remember who) describe this “season finale” episode as a fake out, made for the part of the fandom who ~want~ that Two Brothers on the Road ending. They can stop watching now. “Ok Destiel and perceptive GA fans, now the Bibros aren’t listening we can tell you the real ending”?

And to me it felt like a fake out, it felt fake, it felt like a projection on the wall. Like at the end of the rom-com when the two straight people kiss and that’s the end, but after that snapshot their lives carry on? We’re going to get that after-the-snapshot moment, which I think is rare in TV, as the series finale. Now that the loose plot ends are tied off, the projector can be powered down. We can see what happens to the characters when the writers stop writing, I guess.

I don’t know if I explained that well but basically, I agree with the feeling that This is Not the True Ending. EDIT: I just thought of this after I posted but it’s like it’s given closure to the Two Brothers on the Road narrative itself to make space for the Found Family ending. idk??? what do you think?

(I was going to make this another point itself but as I addressed this already mostly – it feels like a Performative Ending, like what you’re Supposed To Do for a series finale, which I feel can partly be attributed to Bucklemming being shit writers, and partly (I suspect … because I’m assuming Dabb still had a bit of a hand in things as showrunner) to generate the kind of “wtf was that ending?” buzz we’re seeing. To make people want to tune in to the ~final~ final, to see how the Empty Space will be dealt with, and to see what kind of Closure we’ll get after all.)

Flashforward My final point, directed towards the pessimistic bit of my brain in the hope that it’ll chill out, is that there’s still an hour of story left to go. What are they going to give us, @ me? An hour of flashforward with no Cas, no Eileen, and no Peace/Content/Settling Down? Imo, as a long-time fan of the concept of narrative, that would be lazy and dull. They might do it (can’t put anything past them at this point lol it’s been a long road), but I’m playing my Doubt card (that’s how Doubt works, right?) just to tide me over for the next week. What else is left to do? God is dead (shout-out to Rob Benedict for killing it, no pun intended). Lucifer is dead. There’s no big bad left. What monster of the week could they be chasing? Could they really just spend an hour long episode reminiscing? Doubt. Maybe we can have a little flashforward as a treat.

So that’s it! Again I feel a bit cautious to get my hopes up for 15x20, particularly as a Destiel fan, but I kind of am getting my hopes up because I feel like it makes sense for me to be hopeful. At the end of the day, we still have time before we’ll know for sure, and once that happens, good ending or bad, I’ve had a fantastic 11 years in this fandom and that won’t change!

#spn spoilers #supernatural spoilers #spn 15x19 #15x19 #destiel #saileen #spec i guess?#am i making sense did any of this make sense?

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ziracona · 4 years

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Friendship headcanons between Anna and Quentin’s dad? Maybe Nacy too.

For sure! Love their weird awkward relationship.

So, it’s weird for Alan. Like, really weird. Like, can you imagine being him and your poor kid comes home traumatized as fuck after 9 years and he’s got a feral Russian bear woman who is his surrogate mom now in tow?

Obviously, Alan is very stressed about the potential of anything happening to Quentin again, so even knowing the situation, Anna is kind of a source of stress at first. It’s important to Quentin though, so he goes with it and tries to be supportive. It isn’t until about a month after Anna is released from the rehabilitation facility that he is truly at peace about it though. But it happens. There’s a night where Quentin falls asleep on the couch watching a movie, and they don’t notice until it ends. Alan decides to let him sleep there in peace for a bit before waking him up to go sleep in his bed, and is putting up dishes from supper, when he sees Anna carefully putting a blanket over Quentin and stroking his head twice before smiling and leaving him to sleep too, warm now, and he just kind of forgets what he was doing becuase he never quite really truly believed Anna was just selflessly and genuinely invested in his kid’s happiness, but there’s no one there to see, no consciousness for Quentin to appreciate the gesture, and he smiles, because it’s such a relief, and it’s sweet, and he wished Quentin’s mom had lived longer, wished he’d found someone else to be a mom for the kid growing up, and he’s deeply happy he’s got one now.

Anna doesn’t really know what to do with Alan at first either. Like, she gets that ‘Dad’ is the man counterpart to ‘Mama,’ but since hers was dead before she was old enough to remember, she doesn’t really know what that looks like, and never thought about it before. At first is kind of tentatively curious if this means they’re rivals, and she should be jealous of him. Alan never once seems to view their relationships to Quentin that way though, so thank god it never turns into a competition. She’s not sure what it is though, when she realizes it’s not that. So mostly she just tries to give him space and not cause confrontation between them out of respect for Quentin. She notices how good he is to Quentin though, and a few weeks before Alan really gets the same read on her, and kind of softens a little and decides he’s okay. Then suddenly a month in, Alan is more open towards her and starts interacting with her intentionally, even when no Quentin is there at present as an ice breaker. It is super awkward for them both, and they haven’t got a clue how to act towards each other, but they’re both slightly interested in trying, and it works. Alan asks her the morning after he realizes she’s okay if she wants to learn how to make muffins, since she’s sitting at the table watching him cook with a look like a cat has when it sees a new small rodent for the first time, and Anna really does. She is fascinated by all the tricks to tastes there are, and the wild variety of foods she had no idea could exist. At first she’s like “Me?” And very confused by this change in attitude, but he’s nice to her and it’s fun and the food is good, so she enjoys it, and accepts without reservation when he offers another lesson at lunch. This is how their relationship begins: Alan asking her if she wants to learn how to cook various things. Sometimes Nancy and or Quentin joins in, or anyone else in the house. And it’s fun. Anna never looked at food prep as anything but a survival necessity, but there’s a day two months in where she’s covered in flour making shortbread cookies with Alan and Nancy and Quentin, listening to music and people laughing and singing along, and she realizes lots of humans make all kinds of mundane acts into fun activities. And she really likes that. : )

Anna tries to reciprocate Alan’s gestures of goodwill by offering to teach him to hunt, which Alan refuses politiely because he has no idea what he’d do with hatchet throwing and animal tracking skills, but he immediately sees how hurt and insulted and wounded to her core that makes Anna and covers it with a “I mean—I would love to, but I’m just not sure I could have the skills at my age. I’m so old I might be hopeless to teach.” And Anna goes from :’-( to : D instantly and is like “No, no! Not too late—I show you. Many skills very easy to learn basics of. I am good teacher. Can teach even you, I am sure.” And is exceedingly enthusiastic teaching him basic tracking skills the next morning. It’s uh. It’s an awkward walk through a nearby park for Alan at 6AM, with Anna kneeling like fkn Aragorn to listen to the ground or touch dog tracks and sniff things while pointing out valuable intel, but he is duly attentive and awed by her skills, and takes his lesson like a champ, and it’s actually pretty fascinating stuff once you get past the “Wtf is happening” looks you’re getting from every early morning dog walker and jogger going past.

Alan picks up pretty fast that since Anna has almost no social experience, she tends to take social cues from those around her (like trading skills to make friends, or trading gifts with Min & Quentin), and is more careful how he approaches stuff. That also makes him like Anna a lot more, because it’s so sincere and she’s so truly giving all of this her best. He starts a tradition of going back and forth on who picks an activity that interests them to try to give her a chance to branch out and see more of the modern world. Greatly enjoys seeing how much she is excited and fascinated by like, everything. Anna is so mind blown the first time Nancy suggests they hit an Aquarium that it takes 4 times as long as normal to get through, becuase she can’t stop getting lost in the sight of every exhibit. Anna meanwhile notices pretty quick how watchful Alan is and how protective whenever he’s out with Quentin, although he tries to keep Quentin from noticing it too much, and she is very happy about this. Important for parents to be good protectors, especially with Quentin’s luck.

It takes Anna a while to quite get Nancy and Quentin’s relationship, but she decides after much deliberation that she approves and it’s cute. She likes how attentive Nancy is, and how quiet she can be. Thinks she would make a good hunter with skills like that. Is also very aware how much happier Quentin is around her. Decides this makes her a daughter too, and happily welcomes her into the fold. After Nancy realizes this, it kind of breaks her for a while, because she still misses her own mom so, so much. The first time Anna gives her a hug to comfort her about something so much more mundane—just a twisted ankle on a hike, she has a breakdown and can’t stop silently crying into her chest, becuase she still has an open wound in her heart where her mom is concerned. Anna isn’t a replacement, but she is a balm, and it helps. It really does, to have a big self-determined second mom hug you even when she doesn’t understand until you’ve cried all the tears you had, and still be waiting there with patience to hold you through more, and whispered comforts and strong arms around your back. Nancy gets her stuff for the next Mother’s Day, and it almost breaks her heart to have someone to shop for again, but she’s happier too, because it’s a comfort to know another one could love her too, and by choice. She’s had so much guilt over her mom’s death, sometimes she’s wondered if she never deserved to have one love her at all, no matter how much she knows her mom would never want her to think like that. It weirdly helps her talk more about her own mom again, especially to Quentin, who, while he barely remembers his mom, has some small idea how it all feels. She’s able to dig out a lot of the memories of Gwen Holbrook she couldn’t bear to look at for a long time, and forgive herself a little more. And able to make some new memories with Anna and Quentin and Alan she thinks her mom will be happy to hear about someday.

It wasn’t like that at first, though. Nancy is one of the few people who weren’t in the realm who has almost no issue adjusting to Anna, but she had some right at the start. She’s super wary the like, first couple days, because she has mountains worth of PTSD specifically centered around pseudo parental figures and people killing Quentin, but she’s observant as hell, and after watching Anna bodyslam Michael Myers through a wall on first meeting becuase she misconstrued his asshole big brother lifestyle choice of picking Quentin up by his collar for no reason other than easy and fun to push him around as an act of war, she realizes she truly has nothing to worry about, and Anna is an ally in arms when it comes to keeping the guy she loves alive.

Anna is extremely impressed with both Alan and Nancy for their roles in killing Freddy, and this is a massive affinity boost. She thinks Nancy is a little wolf of a girl in the best possible way, and approves of her level of dangerous greatly.

While Alan has no romantic feelings for Anna, it’s really nice to have a woman in the house again—it’s kind of nostalgic, jus to hear her singing sometimes and such. He offers to take her shopping for clothes and accessories becuase he remembers some of the places his wife especially loved, and it makes him sad and happy to be able to put that old treasured remnant of someone beloved to him to good use again. Anna really loves a couple of the same spots, especially a tiny handmade jewelry from gemstones shop, and it hurts but in a good way to have a reason to go there again.

Anna is exceedingly jealous of the photo of Quentin’s mom over the fireplace for like, a year and a half after she realizes who she is. It’s kind of funny. I mean, she’s dead. There is no threat. But Anna despises it and it takes all the willpower she has not to go hide it in a drawer somewhere.

That is until almost two years in when she wakes up early to weird noise and comes down to see Alan has the photo with him at the table, and a little setup with flowers and candles and objects she doesn’t recognize, and he’s crying. It isn’t until that night when she asks Quentin that she finds out it’s the anniversary of his mom’s death that day, but as soon as she sees Alan and the setup, she feels bad, and the anger and jealousy goes away, becuase she remembers feeling exactly that way for years and years at the sight of the portrait of her mother, and still now at the thought of it. The jealousy does not come back.

Alan, Nancy, Quentin, and Anna hang out a lot, and with Feng, Nea, and Ace, or Philip and Claudette a lot too. At a point, Alan starts reaching a “Okay you stay here with the kids and I’ll go grab tickets” kind of tag-team responsibility with Anna, and Anna thinks this is fun, and is immensely pleased with this new role of responsibility partnership. She begins doing the same with him, and likes being partner protectors of the group. She’s wanted to find a family again her whole life, and finally found it now after all these years, but she’s found more than that too; she’s found community, and she never had that before, so she didn’t know to miss it or seek it out or even that it was a thing to want, but now that she has it, she’s so much more happy and content and proud than she’s ever been.

#ask #anonymous #dead by daylight #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #headcanons #the huntress #Anna #Alan Smith #Nancy Holbrook #Quentin Smith

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cranes-winter · 3 years

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Just got the vaccine, been a couple minutes and arm's already sore... Taking it easy today

Editing to keep up with symptoms/feelings

Day 1

Injection

Soreness in arm as expected, only when I move the arm

Dehydrated feeling crept in slowly over course of an hour; definitely didn't stay hydrated enough leading up to this

Headache started up after 2 hours, took Tylenol

Body feels warm, in a I should drink more fluids this day is hot way though, not feverish, 4-5 hrs after

Took a nap, still dehydrated, drinking fluids to compensate.. eyes so dry bruh

Arm still sore 😔 hurting a little more, took Tylenol again, 11 hrs after

Feels kinda like pre head cold

Temp regulation sucks XP

Day 2

Slept so bad 😩 woke up feeling more like I had a head cold, took something for it

Arm soreness was also the worst since getting the shot

Basically me vs dehydration this whole time

Appetite all over the place, but generally in a 'not hungry but need to eat.? Oh I'm eating... Oh ok there's my appetite.. and it's gone but I still need to finish eating 😔' place

Sooooore

Coughing

My skin feels so sensitive 😩 in a painful way

Definitely having joint pain fml

My skin hurts 😩 it feels scrubbed raw wtf

Day 3

Skin hurt the whole damn day

Throat sore a little

Appetite still mostly gone, woke up hungry as soon as I got moving though, rest of day just gone until too close to oh shiti should've eaten

Joint pain and skin pain merged to have unholy offspring and torture me.. now 4am on technically day 4 and it's only just going down to ignorable...bruh

Day 4

Eh.. 6am so it counts

Arm soreness goin down finally yayy

Area still tender but I can move my arm more without triggering the hurt so I'll take it

Skin hurts still tho so that was a false alarm for like 2 hours that it was going down

Sniffles all day, and chills

Basically flu like symptoms kicking my butt

Congested😢

Arm soreness gone to pretty much normal by midnight ayyyy

Rest of skin sensitivity/pain is also down so hopefully by morning will be normal

Sniffling still, and coughing

Day 5

Congested

Trouble breathing through congestion

Chills

Feels like fever but apparently don't have one

Night time, just threw up 😔

Day 6

Suffering all day😩

Literally could not breathe, so congested

Pain when sneezing or coughing

Like legit freaked me out

Used nose spray

Passed out around midnight

Day 7

Woke up miraculously feeling way better

Feels like a head cold again tbh

Most other symptoms gone

Hoping it'll be gone by end of day

Read that second dose is worse for symptoms and honestly that freaks me tf out

Day 8

Same as yesterday

Apparently can only taste sweet things wtf

Sense of smell shot and I'm freaking out a little.. hoping it's just from my liberal use of the nose spray and not the panoramic finally come for me

Josh says he lost his taste for like a day but it came back so fingers crossed

Josh also didn't get half my side effects wtf

#vaccine #don't reblog

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fatgothgf · 3 years

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i spent most of my day drifting in and out of sleep and foggy as fuck on top of that bc of a really bad migraine, i woke up and saw “6:04″ on my phones clock and i just accepted entirely that i slept through the night and it was 6AM.

i spent half an hour laying in my bed thinking it was early sunday morning, annoyed that i couldnt seem to fall back asleep, so i got up to get a drink and thought oh wow my moms up early.. oh wow my dads up early... why is everyone up so... early... and it’s pretty dark but there IS a storm still and oh, wait, oh, slowly i understood that no, no, 12+ hours had not just slipped through my grasp like sand. its fucking 6:30 PM you absolute nut

im all out of sorts now, man. i have no idea. my brain still thinks i should be making breakfast and starting a new day... but it’s. still saturday. hm. i could just... go back to bed... and fix my timeline. set an alarm for 6:04 and redo it all

what? hello? i need to make dinner now wtf. hello

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cynicaldesire · 3 years

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I am constantly worried for a friend of ours that he doesn’t have a healthy relationship with this wife, or that his wife is somehow not... healthy for him. Like he seems happy and I don’t talk to him or them enough to have a good understanding, but the limited view I do have is setting up a bunch of red flags. My husband keeps reminding me that I need to relax and it’s not really my problem and like... they both seem to have trauma that they are trying to ameliorate and, like, fine, no therapy works the same for everyone and just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean it isn’t actually good.

I didn’t want to make this a long post, but I’m thinking about it, so I’ll post what I want to feel less crazy about and then Read More the rest.

He was talking about how he needs a job because they can’t really survive on her income alone. He said he didn’t want to get a job doing something like driving a truck because it’s hell on your body and you run the risk of getting in late. The example he used was he doesn’t want to get in at like 6am and not want to wake up his wife because she has to get up and go to work and she needs her rest so he’d have to sleep on the couch so he doesn’t bother her.

I have been going over this scenario repeatedly trying to figure out why this was.... one of the issues with it and like... my husband even asked on my behalf if the scenario was from our friend’s own compassion and not his wife’s idea of how that would go down. He was cool about it, which I thought was weird, and said of course, it’s his own compassion.

As a military brat and my father having driven a production truck, I cannot fathom the idea of being angry that my husband came home and woke me up to get into bed after a long, harrowing drive. I cannot comprehend the concept of not welcoming my husband into bed, cuddling and kissing and getting him warmed up in winter, spooning, and going back to sleep with my partner. It doesn’t make sense to me. And that our friend’s wife doesn’t also say WTF, babe, just come to bed! boggles my mind.

I’m paranoid, of course. Because we drove about an hour after this conversation to Costco and my husband told me, after like the 4th time I had talked this over with him, that I was something odd. I asked what he meant and he said I was a pretty consummate military wife/brat. I didn’t understand what he meant but, I mean, I watched my parents deal with both military and trucking.

But I guess how paranoid am I?

I said it would be short, Haha.

But like, our friend quit his job a couple years ago at the behest of his wife who said he should become a personal trainer. He got certified in it and everything. He quit before he had a new job despite our protests and then was unemployed for a while, turning to try to become something of a streamer while he was job hunting. Because even though she encouraged him to quit his job with his Tr*mp-supporter boss, they can’t really afford their lifestyle on just one salary. But also trying to be a streamer wasn’t happening so he was forced to be the only white guy at a construction job provided him by his abusive Tr*mp-supporter father. He got let go from that due to COVID and has been mostly unemployed since, after a brief stint as a face character at Six Flags. And now he’s learning code so he can get a job doing code because she doesn’t want to work and finish her degree and would rather just do her job that involves monopolizing his time and his computer. Her job requires some graphical work and his desktop is the only one powerful enough to help her do it, so he just... works on his shitty laptop doing minimal stuff on the internet like learning code from codecademy.

Where this ties in to my own personal traumas and I think I’m projecting onto him, is where my family would demand I get a job because, they said, they worried I would be able to make it in the world without them because I had no skills, no job, nothing and I would probably end up under a bridge if they ever died suddenly. Or maybe I wasn’t doing enough around the house, didn’t do the dishes often enough or didn’t keep the house clean enough and therefore I needed to do something to earn my keep because family of 5 fats can’t work on 1 salary and whatnot. So when people start demanding I get jobs, the only time I ever really looked for jobs was in A State after a big fight with my parents. I get like... triggered now whenever my husband is like Hey, maybe if we teach you Japanese you can get a job in Japan! Just immediately want to panic, get angry, and/or cry. So I worry that our friend’s wife is giving him a different kind of complex about jobs and work. Especially after she’s the one that encouraged him to quit his job, since she’s now pissy about the fact that he doesn’t have one.

But then there’s the small things like her being a manic pixie dream girl like coming over while he’s on a discord voice chat with us to say my husband is a Cheeto. When my husband is understandably confused, says he is like the Essesnce of Cheeto. Or when Classic WoW first dropped, our friend was trying to get back into it with us because it’s a bit of a unifying nostalgia game for our friendgroup, she kept showing up and being annoying in the background like showing up with their cat in a dinosaur costume. He even sounded mildly annoyed and asked her to stop because he doesn’t get to spend much time with us.

Which, you know, isolation from friends is classic abuse. But he has access to other friends that are not us. So its possible that she just doesn’t approve of his video game hobby when it involves us. Which, our friend isn’t a big fan of me personally, so I assume she might just be trying to save him from hanging out with me. I have achieved low self-esteem lately, having the clarity to replay interactions and say Ah, I was sounding real aggressive and bitchy, maybe that’s why people hate me. Or, in the middle of telling a story when I am met with silence, my brain works fast enough to say THEY CAN’T EXTRAPOLATE, YOU GOTTA FINISH STRONG, so I do and I get the laughs and I say I did it, I won, I’m going to get a good grade. But my sister also monopolized my time in a way that made it impossible for me to make or keep friends, and even got pissed when I was trying to make new friends because the friend I was trying to make was a guy that she was trying to fuck and my presence was a cockblock. Story for another time.

Or the time that our friend, because of his construction job, worked very early in the morning and thus was very tired in the evening. But his wife wanted to go to a screening of The Room and rather than let him stay home or maybe just don’t go, they went to this screening and our friend had to stay up for like 24hours. She’s the one that encouraged him to quit, pushed him into getting a new job, and then still asked to go to the movie knowing he was exhausted? Like... I wouldn’t have even considered it a possibility or I would ask a thousand times if he was sure or if he wanted a nap or something.

But, you know, I’m biased. I have a hard time being friends with women that are significant others of our friendgroup. I want everyone to be supportive and kind, into the same hobbies, willing to engage, maybe not be super weird. But I think I just want that in everyone. Which is probably my I have so few friends myself. I have high standards. I’m trying to lower those by being aware of them. Which means people like Amber are now counted among my friends.

Point of this post, though, is to ascertain my level of incorrectness. How wrong am I about their relationship? Lemme know.

#about me #delete later #i have some concerns

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