#I have a lot of those if anyone is interested in listening to my ramblings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uglyducklingofthe2000s · 3 months

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Hiyaaa

So I got another one...

Maybe ready who rambles a lot and gets embarrassed about it because they think it's annoying but Lando is like I like listening to you talk ( really want people to tell me that ) and they blurt out that love him because people usually tell them to shut up when they ramble. It's also like the first time they said it.

Byee love you :)

Every Syllable - LN

Lando has spoken outwardly about how when he's not "performing" that he's pretty quiet and introverted. He likes to listen and he likes to let others talk because often he finds they have more interesting things to say.

Y/n is at the top of the list of those people.

Lando can and does listen to her for hours. Her voice, her ramblings, her redirection of thought mid-sentence. He's in constant awe of how many words she can fill empty space with.

"Oooh, do you know what I was thinking? You know how I was saying that we should try making a full three course." Y/n starts making Lando grin as he gets ready for the ready, pulling on his fireproofs. "I'm not sure what the dishes would actually be, but I think it'd just be cool. For a dinner party, or even just us really. No one ever makes three course dinners anymore unless it's like a special occasion or-"

She cuts herself off when noticing the McLaren photographer looking at her in confusion.

"Or?" Lando urges catching her attention back.

"Um...or...or eating out." Y/n mumbles then clearing her throat. "I should probably g-"

"No. Hey, mate. You think you can just give us some time alone?" Lando asks looking at the photographer who seems a little annoyed but leaves while he moves to lock the door once the man has exited from the room. "Baby..."

"It's almost race time." Y/n sighs but Lando pulls her over to himself.

"What have we talked about?" Lando questions earning a sigh from her.

"To not worry about talking too much. But it's easy for you to say, you don't talk too much." Y/n states watching him frown at her. "Sorry. Sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick."

"I love hearing you talk, about anything and everything. If anyone gives you a look or tells you to stop. I'll handle it, because you don't have to deal with this stuff."

Y/n remains quiet only smiling a little when he kisses her.

"Stay and talk to me till I actually have to go." Lando instructs pointing for her to sit on the seat.

Oscar being caught in a conversation, he's polite enough to never speak up about how much she talks and Lando couldn't appreciate his teammate more for that.

"Hey, baby." Lando smiles when he spots them sitting down in the canteen. Him interrupting her excited rambles to Oscar who is just listening quietly. "What you talking about?"

"Y/n was telling me about the winter break plans the two of you have been figuring out." Oscar explains while y/n grins since she is really excited about it all.

"Yeah, skiing then home for Christmas, Bali, Australia, Finland. It's going to be so good. Plus I have the best Christmas presents lined up for everyone. Really I'm just excited to see all the photos you take, you always take the best photos." Y/n explains, her voice picking up in speed as she gets more excited and speaks faster. "Plus, your mum said I can help with making Christmas dinner and she's going to teach my some recipes that are your favourites."

Lando knows that Cisca is a huge fan of y/n's rambling too. His dad doesn't quite understand, he likes the girl but has somewhat told Lando that sometimes it's hard to have a conversation, though Cisca always immediately comes to her defence and insists that y/n just speaks everything she thinks and it is something that is very much endearing to her.

Clearly mother and son are alike for this.

Flights tend to be when Lando really gets the chance to sit and listen to y/n who, yes, can talk through an entire flight. She sleeps on longer flights too, but shorter flights are where you'll catch her just completely caught in her thoughts.

Today though, she catches an expression on Lando's face that makes her stutter and stumble to a silence.

"What?" Lando smiles as she looks at him.

"Just you're looking at me in that way." Y/n murmurs while Lando smirks a little.

"What way?"

"Like you know something I don't." Y/n sighs then moving to straddle one of his legs, a spark of thought behind her eyes which tells him that she is dropping the matter of his expression. "I was thinking-"

"As you always are."

"-obviously I've never been skiing or travelled much without you, so when we go...if there's something I want to do, it's alright if I go off and do it?" Y/n sighs earning a look from her boyfriend before he grins at her.

"Baby, I want to do new things with you. Can I do them with you too?" Lando pouts making her look at him for a moment.

A rambling splutter of words come out trying to assure him that she'd of course want to do everything with him but also knew he had activities planned with Martin that she wouldn’t want to interrupt.

“We can always just change plans. It doesn’t have to be that we can’t change things up.” Lando smiles then gently rubbing her thighs. “You don’t have to get so panicky with me baby.”

“I know, it’s just things a huge trip and obviously i don’t want anything to happen because i love you and spending the winter break with you feels huge and-“

“You love me?” Lando chokes out, cutting into her sentence while she freezes a little.

Y/n’s eyes widen and for once she has no words coming out her mouth. In fact she nearly scrambles to get off of her boyfriend and find somewhere to hide away from him.

“No. No. Y/n, stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself.” Lando tries holding her down to make her stop and freeze. “Baby, I love you too. Ok? I love you too, it’s just it dawned on me that we really hadn’t said it to each other before and I…didn’t realise it had taken so long for us to actually pluck up the courage to say anything.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I’m just glad one of us actually said something.”

Y/n smiles a little shyly before being pulled forward into a tight hug that she is more than happy to use as a means for her to hide her face in his neck and try to disappear from his sight.

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junosmindpalace · 1 year

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i saw your dr stone senku oneshot about senku realizing hes inlove and just wanna say i LOVEDDD IT, so i was wondering if i could request a similar thing to that but with kusuo (i dont rlly mind if its a headcannon or oneshot or whatever, anything works!) with like aren or mikoto randomly pointing out that kusuo looks like he likes the reader LMFAOO

hi there! thank you very much for your request! i'm glad you liked my dr stone oneshot!

i tried to mimic the straightforward, fast-pace, absurdness(?) of the show- i hope i did it justice ;,)

warnings: none!

wc: 1.9k

Kusuo, as much as he tries not to, cannot help attracting people into his life. He does his best to avoid socializing and standing out by minding his own business, hoping others will do the same.

But instead (and seemingly without doing anything), he’s acquired a large group of friends who greatly admire and care for him. It’s undeniable that they could be troublesome, but he still goes the extra mile for them and even those he doesn’t know well. You were in Kusuo’s class and lived in his area, so he often saw you in and out of school, and just like the rest of his friends, you managed to meddle your way into his life. You’ve repeatedly witnessed his kindness and compassion, and each time you’ve confronted him, he’d brush it off and chalk it up as an interference to his peace.

Kusuo was pretty bland to you besides his funky accessories and bright pink hair, but you found he was an easy person to talk to, mostly because (and sadly enough, depending on perspective) the conversations you had with him were pretty one sided. You didn’t think much of Kusuo’s quietness, and took him to be a good listener instead of someone who was disinterested in what you had to say.

Over time however, whatever irritation Kusuo originally had with you faded as you familiarized yourselves with one another. He found himself hanging out with you and contributing more to your conversations (telepathically, of course) out of his own volition. If he wasn’t forced to hang out with Kaido and Nendou, and maybe sometimes Aren, he was usually spending time with you. He seemed to tolerate you more than anyone else in his life because of your patient understanding nature. You were non-invasive, never forcing Kusuo to do anything he didn’t want to, and covered for him whenever he was confronted by others so as to avoid further attention. For your kindness, he’s subconsciously given you his time and attention and is a little more lenient with allowing you into his life.

Saiki discovered with time that the two of you actually share a lot of common interests, such as a love for video games and manga. On top of that, he also greatly respected your determination, hard work, and open mindedness.

“Why does Y/N get to…?!” his other friends would groan out or shriek in irritation when he enabled you over them, to which he’d deadpan, “because they’re not insufferable like the rest of you.”

Even though you two have always been strictly friends, Kusuo just cannot help getting himself into tricky situations as well, and so no matter how hard he tries to make it seem like the opposite, somehow people are always getting the wrong idea when the two of you are together.

It’s hard to tell who exactly was the first in Saiki’s friend group to suspect anything, but his friends all at once slowly started acting unnatural when the two of you hung around together or talked about each other.

The people who addressed the elephant in the room first were Toritsuka and Mikoto.

Saiki and the two were dealing with a dangerous situation, which was surprisingly and maybe even alarmingly normal considering the nature of Saiki’s friends (being psychics and all), when you suddenly approached him in the midst of their chaos.

You called a greeting toward him and his friends and then started rambling about your day, completely oblivious to the danger the group was trying to tame. You brought up a low grade you got, an annoying teacher, and then asked Saiki if he wanted to go out to a cafe after school.

But Saiki suddenly grabbed your shoulders and looked you firmly in the eyes, catching you and the other two psychics off guard, because they stopped whatever panicking they were doing to watch.

A beat of silence. “Saiki?” “I’ll meet up with you at the cafe, alright? I’ll even treat you, just get out of here.”

And you’re confused on why he sounds so serious and urgent, on why his grip on you is so firm, but you’re patient, and so all you do is stare at him with a small frown and go “okay.”

You said your goodbyes and headed off with the group watching you do a double take before disappearing behind a corner.

And Kusuo immediately regrets holding onto you when he turns around to the stunned looks on his friends’ faces, who, after a moment of processing the sight, are in his face.

“I knew it! I knew the two of you were dating! You don’t have a heart of stone after all!” “I wish you would’ve told us, Kusuo! They’re cute, too!”

He’s insanely annoyed by this, obviously, and immediately shuts down the mistranslation. “Quiet! I’m not dating anyone and stay out of my business. We have to continue…”

But from there, the situation only worsened. Everyone was thinking it, everyone was feeling it. It was only a matter of who was finally going to say something about it. And of course, Saiki knew everyone was thinking it, but he truly didn’t think it would escalate into something intrusive.

And after the psykickers, seemingly everyone decided to speak up about it.

You were talking to Saiki before class began, and when you were invited over to talk to another friend, Kaidou and Aren appeared by the esper’s desk. “Is it true?! Are you and L/N dating?!”

“No. Get out of my face.”

“I didn’t really see it at first,” Aren thought out loud to himself, ignoring his wish. “L/N’s pretty friendly with everyone, but the two of you oddly enough make sense. You look good together!”

Saiki stared exasperatedly. Saiki respected Aren for being one of the more level headed members of his friend group, but even he was on about this?

“What are you talking about Kuboyasu? My pal’s irresistible!” And now Nendou was joining the conversation, approaching Kusuo’s desk with his hands in his pockets. “Congrats buddy! They’re a real cutie!”

“Hey! What are you gents talking about?” Hairo’s voice boomed out. Him too? Why was everyone so interested in the conversation?

“Saiki and L/N,” Kaido answered as Hairo joined the semi-circle formed around Saiki’s desk. Hairo's face lit up, immediately catching on just from the mention of your names. “Ooh! So it’s true, huh? I always suspected something! I’m happy for you both!”

“Enough! I’m not dating L/N! Where are you all getting this stupid impression from?”

“What are you talking about?! You two always come in a pair!” Kaido cried out in defense and stared at his friend incredulously.

“Yeah, everywhere you go, L/N isn’t far behind. You can’t find one without the other.” Aren added almost hesitantly as Saiki stared with his mouth forming a small “o” shape.

This came as a surprise to him. He was always so keen on living a “normal” and peaceful life, finding others a threat to this aspiration and doing his best to block them out because of it. He didn’t socialize or attempt to make friends, but apparently he could live his “normal” life with you in it. You casually followed him-- and him you-- and he found comfort in and outside of your “normalcy”-- your presence, your everyday tasks and conversation; even your uniqueness. You became a part of his normal at some point, his peace.

When did that happen?

“You bring them everywhere with you, dude. I think L/N’s the only person who can get you to come out of your shell a little.” Hairo commented with a short laugh and scrunched brows as he thought aloud.

Saiki admits that he’s more willing to try new things or do something he initially didn’t want to if you’re there with him. He trusts you, and so if you’re involved, he supposes he doesn’t mind getting involved either. Sometimes when he asked about the two of you constantly tag teaming, he’ll say something like “they wanted to come along” or “Y/N convinced me to go” and Kusuo himself is a little surprised that he never realized how that looked and sounded like to his friends, who knew him to be pretty reserved and introverted.

“Oooh! Are we talking about Saiki and L/N?” Oh no. Not…

“Teruhashi!”

“Sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I couldn’t help but overhear you boys talking about L/N! They’re always telling me about you Saiki! It’s so nice how you do so much for them!”

Does he really do a lot for you? Yes, yes he does, and Teruhashi has heard it all. You don’t talk about it excessively or ever make it seem like a brag, but it slips up so casually in conversation that even Kokomi, with all her admirers, finds it endearing how natural Saiki’s urge to take care of you is.

Trouble at work? Saiki’s on the job. He’ll get your annoying manager to stop bugging you or help you clear out the place faster after a long day. An item you casually mentioned you wanted? Knowing Saiki, he probably goes through hell and back trying to get it for you, but even so he never spends too much time indulging you in the details of how he obtained it. A classmate giving you a hard time? Saiki’s loyalty is more evident than ever. Even Teruhashi is taken aback when you share your experiences with him.

“I’m so jealous! I wish I had someone like that!” Chiyo groaned out from behind the group as Kokomi and Hairo made space for her to join the discussion.

With so many of his friends taking notice of these things, Kusuo is forced to acknowledge and reflect on them in that moment, especially when they’re suggesting something beyond friendship.

He consistently swoops in to save you from bad situations, even when you insist that you can handle yourself. And Saiki knows you can, he doesn’t always doubt you, but he tries to make it seem that way or as if you were an inconvenience. In reality, Saiki never exactly knew what urged him to help you out so much. With his other friends, everything he did felt like a one sided favor. But with you, it was something more. He was okay with taking care of you.

And he can’t help but smile when he sees how excited you are about something. Saiki’s cold demeanor sticks most of the time, but it’s typically in private or away from his friends’ prying eyes that Saiki’s shoulder relax a little and he lets himself enjoy your presence. With his responsibilities and burdens as a psychic, romance was absolutely off the table.

But maybe…

“Hey everyone! What are we talking about?”

Both the conversation and Saiki’s daydreams immediately halt as everyone turns toward the sound of your voice. You slowly approach the group with a smile on your face. “Talking about that test?”

Even Kusuo is staring dumbly at you, but before anyone could open their mouths to answer, the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class.

As the teacher called everyone to return to their seats and the group broke apart, Saiki briefly looked down and then toward you in the seat across from him, watching you unpack your supplies.

Good grief. His troublesome friends really got to him.

BONUS:

“ImeanitssoobviousyouhaveathingforY/Nwiththewayyou’reconstantlytogetherhowcouldanyonenottellfromthewayyou’realwaysprotectingthemtoalwayshangingaroundoneanotherthoughit’sdefinitelyanoddpairingbutonethatyoutwoseemtomakeworkit’salmostlikeaclincheinaromancefilm!”

Translation: “I mean, it’s so obvious you have a thing for Y/N with the way you’re constantly together. How could anyone not tell from the way you’re always protecting them to always hanging around one another, though it’s definitely an odd pairing but one you two seem to make work. It’s almost like a cliche in a romance film!”

(Akechi cornered Saiki in the hallway right after class.)

#saiki k hcs #saiki k x reader #saiki k imagines #saiki kusuo x reader #kusuo saiki x reader #saiki headcanons #saiki x reader #saiki k x you #kusuo saiki oneshot #kusuo saiki headcanons #kusuo saiki hcs #the disastrous life of saiki k oneshot #the disastrous life of saiki k x reader #the disastrous life of saiki k headcanons

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kierongillen · 2 months

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i have to know - as a disco elysium fan who didnt do disco, what would you say is essential disco listening for me?

I'm hugely behind on the asks, but I have to answer this one, because I'm going to answer a connected but completely different question, and then maybe then loop back to you. I'm just looking for an excuse to ramble, and do the writer equivalent of a warm-up sketch (i.e. waste time).

My apologies.

If you wake up and decide that you want to get into a whole genre of music, there's basically two tactics.

(There's also the "Why would anyone care to get into something they don't care about", which is one of the few things I have a "There's two sorts of people..." response to - those who when presented by something unknown either think "why should I know about that?" or "why don't I know about that?" I'm the latter, and it's served me well.)

The first tactic is simple.

Jump on a genre with Best Of in the title and follow your pleasure response. Here's a Spotify one. What interests you? What excited you? What makes you laugh? Probably explore more of that. If not, indulge widely, and see what sticks. At a glance, Disco playlists seem to have the problem of most playlists, in that strictly not everything on it is disco per se. For example, Dancing Queen strictly speaking isn't a disco song - but it's a song about disco, in every way. But if anything has found its way on a playlist, it's found its way on for a reason.

In your case, you're interested in what Disco resonates with Disco Elysium. Which I've bought for C, but not played, but I'm aware of in a "if I was still a games journalist, this is clearly one I would write a lot about." I spent years writing about Planescape Torment, and I know a spiritual successor when I see one.

This makes me think the area you want is basically the classier end - the big bleak emotions, the chilliness, the control, lonely on a dancefloor, lonely everywhere, oh-so-much cocaine, and - to steal Paul Lester's line - glass mountains on fire.

Which leads back to the second way of getting into a genre of music - which is to hit a major artist, and hit them hard.

When asked about "how shall I get into a band" my advice is actually the opposite of what I'm about to give. If you just want to get into a band, get Best Of, see what tracks you like, then go to the albums they're from. But if you're trying to get into a whole genre of music, that's a more serious endeavour, and may reward the opposite approach.

Basically pick a key album from a key band, and get into it, and grow from there. Read about the band - you don't need much, but a little helps. Learn how to listen to what their tracks do. And then you use that band as the single point of knowledge you have to orientate yourself to everything else you listen afterwarads.

There's a huge danger to this - basically, no-one is more ignorant than someone with a little knowledge. You have to be aware that you are the person who knows a bit about Boss Baby, and using that to get into things other than Boss Baby.

The strength is that it's a more holistic, lived in knowledge than just skimming the surface. You understand the music better as an artifact of their times, made by people, responding to their specific situation - which adds different flavours to your appreciation of it. Sure, your own response and how it finds a place in your life is always the thing which over-rules anything else - but the more you can listen for, the more you can hear, the more you can get from a work of art.

Anyway - I'm telling you to go and listen to Risque by Chic.

Chic are basically fucking awesome. If you don't know Disco at all, the opening Good Times chilly ironic take on American late-seventies culture is a great and (I suspect) Disco Elysium relevant intro. You'll know it as a sample, if nothing else, and the eight minutes version that opens Risque is a great way to think about it as both music for dancing (it is endless) and music for listening (it is boundless).

I got Risque as Paul Lester went to bat for it so hard in the Unknown Pleasures book the Maker stuck on the cover in 1995 (it was covering 20 albums that had fell out of the critical conversation, and it absolutely changed the dirction of my listening in the period). Here's Lester writing about Risque more recently for a taste, as the original piece doesn't appear to be online. I just read it in my copy, and it's a burst of love, describing it Disco as music about love - never sex, only love, and mainly love that is denied. That seems solid, at least for the best of chic.

Risque is the Chic album that Lloyd from Phonogram would have been listening to, certainly. I know I did.

(Plus At Last I Am Free from C'est Chic, obv)

There's a lot of Chic to listen to - their own work, especially in the period, and all their productions. Their work with Sister Sledge is of particular import - Lost In Music was one of the working title for Phonogram, and you can see and hear why. They're also the Disco band whose influence is perhaps most obvious in other bands. Everyone liked Chic. No Chic, no Orange Juice, no Orange Juice, no Smiths, etc.

Sister Sledge was the first live band I was at. My mum went to see them when she was eight and a half months pregnant. The temptration to say I'd have heard Lost in Music then and sold is tempting, but ahistorical - it's well before their work with Chic.

Anyway - get into Chic. It'll make your life better - and when your life isn't better, it's a superior context to lose yourself.

However, to go back to your question, as a Disco Elysium fan, I'm not sure it's actually THIS Disco you're looking for.

How about Disco Inferno?

Not Disco at all, but most like itself than anything else, which sounds like what I understand about Disco Elysium. right?

(DI Goes Pop is the starting place)

#Chic #Disco #disco elysium

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jiminjamms · 8 months

Text

sex therapy :: 19. open up

chapter tags/warnings: dad! toji. angsty! megumi. strong language. classism. infidelity. manipulative undertones. naoya sucks ass.

word count: 3.6k

notes: thank you for waiting for this update! i was taking exams for some work-related licenses and started my big girl recently. i've also added more chapters to this series because i underestimated when i first planned out the fic. likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. enjoy! xoxo

fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

“Can...we talk?”

At first, Toji blinked.

Naturally, he wasn’t sure how to react to such a situation: his client, who he had assumed avoided him for weeks, now standing at his apartment door? This was new.

He didn’t quite understand how or why you ended up here at this hour, but he forced a worried smile. “Yeah, of course, we can talk.”

When you first tried to speak, your voice only came out as a hoarse croak. So you had to clear your throat, and you forced words to come out again.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to eke out.

“Sorry?” Toji raised a brow in surprise. “For what?”

Hesitating, you bit gently at your inner cheek. “If I tell you, can you please promise me you won’t get mad? Or judge me? I’m just...looking for someone to talk to, and I really, really need you to promise me.”

In hindsight, that was a stupid question because you both knew that listening was his job, his profession, his field of expertise. Even with the minimal information Toji had gathered in these few seconds, he probably began piecing together your story on his own already. He was good like that—that was what made him your therapist, so there was no need to sugarcoat anything when he already read right through you.

Still, Toji eased you with a sturdy nod. “Sure. I promise.”

You didn’t even know where to start in this apology, frankly. You were sorry for doubting him, sorry for ignoring all the red flags he had pointed out about your husband Naoya Zenin. In the end, you were sorry for being so fucking stupid.

The first time Toji had warned you about Naoya, you should have listened. Toji was the expert here, so how blind could you have been? There was nothing like the crushing realization when you realized for yourself that winning your husband back was nothing more than a pipe dream.

Far before marrying you, Naoya had long loved someone else. Sure, ‘love’ may be a strong word, but why else would Naoya never want to be home? He could hardly find interest in you and became revolted when looking your way. He must have felt so wrong, so immoral, when cheating on his side-girlfriend for his wife.

The way Naoya had spoken to you tonight just rubbed salt into the wound. Just shut up. Know your boundaries. Because you were just, in his words, a fucking ornament.

His mistress sure wasn’t, though, and anyone could place the winning bet that he had gone off to spend the night with her.

Why were you not enough?

Was it because she was pretty and you were ugly? That she was smart and you were dumb? That she was funny and you were dull? Just...why? What was the reason?

And, through thick swallows and blinked-back tears, you told Toji all of that.

In one gusto, you have once again dumped all your troubles upon his shoulders. A horrible person, that was what you were—and knowing this, your gaze stayed low.

From your rambling onslaught, Toji must be processing a lot but gave away no emotional indication. From his years at work, he probably had heard it all.

You waited for Toji to retort with a pompous ‘I told you so!’ or burst into a disdainful laugh—that was how Naoya would have responded. But those reactions never came.

On the contrary, Toji tapped his chest. “Come here.”

You frowned over at him, brushing a stray tear from your chin. “What?”

“Just get over here.”

When you still wavered with reluctance, Toji pulled you tight against him—one hand firmly pressed against your lower back as the other guided your face to nestle by his shoulder.

Not expecting this, you were initially stiff and awkward in his arms. Toji’s chest was hard and muscled rather than comfortable, chiseled from his frequent strength training sessions at the gym. But when he began to rub slow circles at your waist with one hand, the other running up and down your back in gentle strokes, something about these little gestures let all your emotions go.

Slowly, you brought your arms up to wrap around him, hugging him in response. He was warm, his body like a furnace that heated your skin. You curled your hands into tight fists, grabbing the fabric of his T-shirt along with your hold. 

Then, like floodgates bursting, you melted into Toji with a sob.

“What have I done wrong?” you wailed. “Why can’t I do anything right? What do I even do from here?”

Toji listened silently as you continued to bawl, releasing all your anger and pain from the terrible weeks that you had endured. He squeezed you the tightest when you sobbed the loudest, comforting you with his ‘there there’ hums.

“Everything will be okay,” he affirmed eventually, but his words seemed so difficult to believe.

“No! Everything won’t be okay, Toji,” you cried and shook your head into his neck. “My husband doesn’t want me. Then, if Naoya doesn’t want me, the Zenins wouldn’t want me. Then, no one will want me!”

“Not true,” Toji was quick to say. He pulled you closer, his large hands patting your upper back too. “Forget Naoya, he’s an utter jerk. He might leave you, but you know who won’t? At the very least, your father won’t—he loves you.”

“But I would have disappointed him.”

“How?” he countered sharply. “If he had known how his son-in-law was treating his daughter, why would your father be disappointed in you?”

Between sniffles, you ruminated his points, half-convinced.

Toji, breathing out, then added, “Also...I won’t leave you, either. I care about you. There. You’ve already got two on your side. You will not be alone.”

“But then, what about,” you kept your lips pressed onto his collarbone, “What about the Zenins? Would they turn their backs on me too?”

Underneath your fingertips, you could feel Toji tensing at the name. “With a family so large, there are bound to be those supporting you as well. You make it sound like all his aunts, his uncles, his...,” he paused briefly, “...his cousins, all worship Naoya when a household like that is rife with drama beneath surface level. Family isn’t family for something like the Zenins. Politics comes first. Business comes first.”

His answer came out with such confidently that you silently questioned how he could be so sure.

But you suddenly remembered the kind embraces from Mai and your heart softened at the thought of Maki.

Maybe Toji was right.

A soundless sigh flew from your mouth before your arms tightened around Toji's torso, hugging him and resting your chin on his shoulder. After several moments longer, you finally released one long exhale, your tears having stopped and your breathing less erratic.

Your heart was like lead in your chest, but you pulled your face away from him.

“I’m sorry,” you rasped, throat raw. “My makeup got onto your shirt.”

Toji’s smile was soft.

“That’s fine.” He couldn’t give a damn about his white top. Reassuringly, he ran his hands along your waist before settling on your hips, thumbs rubbing circles into your skin. “As long as you are feeling better, that’s all I need. Besides, that’s my job, yes?”

“Yes...” you mumbled shyly, wiping tears from your face with the heel of your hand.

At the sight, Toji reached toward a tissue box behind the door frame.

“Don’t cry anymore. Naoya isn’t worth the heartache, I’ll guarantee you that.” He dabbed at your pretty face with the napkin in his hands, wiping away not only the remaining tears but also the stream of snot. Lovely. “I am your friend, okay? Before the therapist stuff. We will fix this, together. That’s what friends are for.”

Friends.

When Toji first called him your friend, you did not think that he would somehow become your closest confidant.

You leaned into his touch briefly, sinking into the comfort of his palm.

“Feeling better, princess?”

Toji watched you with a chartreuse glimmer in his eyes before you finally pulled yourself from his grasp. His fingers flexed at the lost touch, almost like he was hesitant to let you go, but who was he to stop you? It wasn’t like Toji was your husband or anything.

"I am,” you replied. “Thank you.”

“Any time.” He hummed in the ensuing silence before stepping to the side. “Since you’re already here, why don’t you come in? I wouldn’t want you going back like this. Naoya won’t be home, so at least you will have some company here.”

Tempting.

“I really shouldn’t stay...”

“What? Are you sure?”

No, you were not sure, and Toji sure as hell knew that.

He lolled his head toward the interior, a few of his black strands sliding across his forehead with the movement.

“C’mon, I won’t bite,” he reassured before chuckling, “unless...you want me to.”

You shot the therapist a glare, but the resolve to stay upset faded when you saw him gleam with a wide smirk. Well? that mischievous spark in him seemed to say. What do you think?

Rolling your eyes, you initially snorted at the offer but could not help smiling at the stupid joke immediately afterward. Your body crumpled forward as you burst into giggles, realizing that this was the first time in weeks that you were...laughing?

“Fine,” you relented.

Toji seemed to beam in silent victory, which was cute coming from someone who looked so tough. He swept his arm in a gentle arc toward his apartment.

“Then, after you, m’lady.”

You gusYou gushed at the title.

"If you insist,” and you stepped in.

The warmth from his condo was the first to greet you as though a fireplace had been crackling in the distance. For someone who somehow had the means to afford such a luxurious space, Toji went simple in his furnishings. His cream-colored walls were cleared, save for some framed art pieces that dotted the corridors, and there were no ornate cabinets or dazzling décor. His taste in minimalism and timelessness contrasted with the grandeur in your palatial-like residence, but both styles had their appeal.

He had a gray and beige color scheme going on with the couches, the tabletops, and the lighting fixtures. The walnut wood flooring added a rustic touch to the apartment, and every corner effortlessly converged refined aesthetics with the sense of home. Even the smell inside was cozy because the apartment emanated of him—of Toji himself: spices with the redolence of bergamot and sage.

He guided you through a (very wide) hallway that opened into an equally expansive living room. Towards the side was a spiral staircase that led to an upper floor and, further ahead, floor-to-ceiling windows opened to an evening panorama.

The sky was completely dark, with the sun sunk below the horizon long ago, and the waxing moon hung like a silver sliver far away. Holding your breath, you stepped towards the glass, observing the bustle far below that twinkled like firecrackers against the concrete backdrop.

“You know, your place...is a lot nicer than I expected.”

The man tucked his large hands into his front pockets. “I’m offended.”

Instantly, you grew flustered. “No, I didn’t mean it like that!” (Yes, you totally did.) “It’s just that Sukuna had made it sound like—” That you were dirt poor. “But then Geto said...” Okay, you shouldn’t be dragging more people into this. “Never mind.”

Quickly, you glanced back outside again, hoping to look like you were distracted by the vista.

“But then Sukuna and Geto said what?” Toji pried, not letting you live this down. He appeared uncharacteristically intrigued. He wanted to know what his coworkers had spilled, by how much you knew. “What have the other therapists said about me?”

“Ah, nothing much really,” you confessed, which was the truth to some extent.

“How much is ‘nothing much?’”

“Just, well,” you rolled your lips together in thought, “maybe that something, some event, or some person wronged you.” Geto’s words rang fresh in your head. “That ‘Toji just isn’t where he could possibly be.’”

Half-expectantly, you looked over at the said man from under your lashes, waiting for him to comment on the matter. Toji always appeared so hesitant to talk about his past, but you hoped that he would stop being so mysterious. It was as though he was an enigma for cautious reasons, assessing how much he could open up before he could entirely trust you.

Toji had pursed his lips as the silence in the living room became uncomfortable. But just when he appeared ready to speak, someone else filled the silence for him.

“Why the hell are you here?”

All heads turned to a frowning teenager who stood by the foot of the stairs.

He had dark eyes—dark eyes glared only at you, narrowed into a violent abyss as though he was mentally aiming daggers into your soul. For a fleeting moment, you were puzzled at who this boy was until Toji spoke first.

“That’s no way to greet a guest, Megumi.”

Oh, right. Toji had an eighteen-year-old son, and Megumi was his name. While you had spoken with the teenager on the phone before, it was different to see him in person for the first time.

For starters, the physical similarities between father and son became immediately apparent. Sure, Toji’s features had a rough edge around them—shaped from his additional years in life—but the two shared the same black stands, pointed noses, and taut lips. There was no denying the flawless genes that flowed between them.

Megumi, though, had a subtle softness to him. The teenager was smaller and shorter compared to his imposing and rugged father, but he tried to mask that youthful innocence instead with his brash style. He pulled off that ‘wild’ look better than most boys his age could, his hair longer and more tousled. The way he stood in a contrapposto, coupled with how stylish he appeared in his fuchsia tee and black cargo pants, made him look like a model from a streetwear magazine. He reached for an ear piercing with fingers adorned with flashy rings, toying with one particular stud as he examined you.

Goodness, Megumi Fushiguro was as good-looking as Sukuna had hyped him up to be.

“Well?” the boy’s irritated voice snapped you back to the present. “What are you doing at our apartment?”

“Oh, me?” You pointed to yourself. Well, no shit. Who else was he talking to? “I, um—”

“You’re another one of my dad’s women, aren’t you?” the teenager asked out of the blue, leaving you staring at him dumbly.

“One of your dad’s who?”

“Hey!” Toji warned, tone sharp. Frowning at the boy, he reprimanded him with one forceful thwack. Dad Toji was very different than Therapist Toji. “Watch what you—"

“You’re the one who called me down here!” Megumi shouted back, pushing his father’s arm away.

“Yes, I did. So what took you ten minutes to get here?”

“I was in the middle of Valorant. I left my team mid-game but for this?”

And suddenly, there was this thick and awkward tension that engulfed the room. If you had the magical ability to teleport at will, you would. Toji was obviously distraught at his son’s outburst and Megumi was similarly bristled by your presence.

About you? Well, there wasn’t anything you could do.

You took a few steps back. It was unsettling to be caught in a heated confrontation between father and son, and you silently wondered if you should just slip away to let those two sort out their miscommunications.

“So, this is your new strategy, huh?” Megumi seethed vehemently toward his father, capitalizing upon the silence. “Telling me that Nobara and Yuuji are here only for you to introduce me to, out of everyone in this world, her?!”

The attack felt personal when Megumi raised his arm and pointed squarely at you, even if the boy glowered at his dad instead. You had frozen, stopped by confusion, as Megumi continued in anger: “What is the meaning of this!”

Toji, who was returning his son’s glare, glanced at you briefly. He didn’t show this side to him very often: the one where he was just a single dad, handling a moody teenage son at home.

You wondered if Toji felt weird that you were watching him deal with Megumi’s tantrum. At least, he must be embarrassed that this was how your first encounter with Megumi was going, but he didn’t offer much into his internal dialogue because he clenched his teeth, his eyes sliding slowly to his son again.

“Megumi,” Toji started, “please...don’t point at people. That’s not nice.”

His voice was sterner than before, but the boy responded with a dramatic scoff.

“Nice?!” Megumi repeated. “You want me to be nice to her? Is this some sick joke?!” His face twisted with disbelief. “With all the horrible crap that had happened to us, what good thing has she ever done? Just because she’s pretty, and suddenly, you’ve forgiven her for everything?”

You blinked, stumped.

Forgive you?

Why would Toji need to forgive you?

Perplexed, you turned to Toji but he did not meet your gaze.

“There is nothing to forgive her for. She hasn’t done anything wrong,” the older man defended, but Megumi wanted to hear none of this.

He was out for blood.

“That’s because you’re too fucking infatuated to see the demon she is,” he huffed, voice laced with bitterness. “Dad, I wish you would put your goddamn brain to use and stop thinking with your dick first.”

“Language!” Toji snapped with a roar. “She’s our friend!”

“Friend, my ass! I don’t like your fucking friends!”

With eyes blown wide, Megumi clenched his fists so tightly that his hands began to shake.

“I just...I just can’t believe you,” and when his voice cracked, there was pain that bubbled from the frustration. “I already told you that I don’t want to meet whoever you are bringing home. Just stop trying so hard for my sake. This hurts me, and this also hurts you. Can’t you see that, Dad? Nothing’s going to bring Mom back! I’m over that, alright?” His Adam’s apple bobbed when he gulped, though, before he finally added: “And I’m tired!”

At that, Megumi walked—correction, stormed—away.

“Fuck this shit,” he spat and marched up the stairs, grumbling more profanities upon his climb.

The footsteps’ volume started to fade, but not before a loud bang startled you when Megumi slammed his bedroom door shut, the entire apartment seemingly shuddering with the sound.

Beside you, the Toji that you had always known—the snarky man who always seemed so unruffled by even the wildest moments—crumbled a little when he sighed. He rubbed his face with a free hand, sinking his forehead into his palm as he muttered indiscernibly.

He collected himself he turned back around to you, but you saw that his shoulders sagged with an invisible weight, the emerald glimmer in his eyes now a dim flicker. Within ten minutes, Toji had grown to look stressed and incredibly tired.

“Hey,” Toji started, his voice impossibly small for a man as large as him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry that you had to see that. He’s usually a good kid. I’ll talk to him again later.”

You bit your lip.

“Oh, um...Well...That’s okay,” you eventually replied, which was a total lie because that was not okay. Even as you offered a small smile for support, Megumi—his words, his tone, his ferocious glare—slashed at your heart. You rationalized his behavior aloud to ease your own pain. “Megumi’s eighteen, and you know what teenagers are like: hormonal with their mood swings all the time. You are a great father, Toji. This isn’t your fault.”

“No. This is my fault,” he replied very quickly.

Oh. So instead you said: “I get it.”

“Except you don’t get it.”

Your heart sank at his words, realizing that you truly did not understand where this father-son conflict stemmed from. Was it...was it because of you?

You never intended to burden anyone, yet your mere existence appeared to be doing just that.

It was painful to see Toji like this. During your lowest lows, he always offered considerable comfort and renewed confidence, but you weren’t sure what to say to provide him with the same. By some weird twisted fate, Toji now needed you more than you needed him. As a therapist, he had a special soothing effect, and never have you so badly wished for the same.

“Then,” this time you were more careful with your words, “Then, help me understand. Help me so that I can then help you.”

Tone resolute, you longed to learn about the unspoken difficulties that Toji had been facing by himself. While you had your troubles, he must have had many more for his son—not even Toji himself—to act this way.

Perhaps you also cared for him more than you thought because, as he noted himself, he’s your friend.

Toji held a long inhale, thinking and thinking and thinking, before breathing out in one audible go.

“Where do I even start?”

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: I loved fleshing out our relationship with Toji from a channel to mutually release sexual frustrations to a friendship built upon shared vulnerabilities. Also, Megumi is very much in his emo and rebellious teenage era. Like most people his age, he has his reasons…

taglist: @dissociatingdiva @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @nemoyr @huangfairy @shadowarchon @203steph @agentdedf1sh @cloudybabes @hinativity @lynn-writes-things @illicitwriter @7oji @kikuchimi @piqer @nobody289x @chaoticjojofan @musicisme333 @vvestwoodrose @kumocchin @s-guru @mwahilovemylife @hey-gurls69 @cloudsinthecosmos @moon-mumu-moon @kazscara @obitohno @skilerfrostfairy @funicidals @nico707 @proteovaldez @tsukiyohanayome @marimoares @qirbys @moodpi @blackdragoncigarette @puffaloxx @shoisae @sakanoshitaa @arizzu @kissditrio @tokyometronetwork @downtown-roponggi @the-cosmos-network

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xxlittle-miss-horrorxx · 9 months

Text

So a very minor nitpick on Helluva Boss….

I know I said I should only ramble with a sideblog for Helluva boss and Hazbin hotel to put a lot of u criticisms in (it’s not gonna be like an anti blog or anything, the show is still very much a guilty pleasure for me) but I just feel like getting this out of my system

I recalled seeing a critical post about Helluva boss’s lack of music diversity and how we sadly don’t see much other music genres than generic pop songs and musical numbers… They mentioned how they wish they saw more metal music and all of that and it reminded me why I have a massive issue with the show’s misusage of the word goth.

I don’t think anyone outside of the goth subculture or most people (even critical blogs) know this, but goth isn’t really a fashion aesthetic. Just like with metal, punk, and grunge, it’s a music based subculture that originated from the punk movement during the late 70s and on forward gave birth to goth as we all know.

That being said, it’s why I have a massive issue with the show labeling Loona and Octavia being goth, when they literally don’t even show signs of listening to goth music (like the Bauhaus, The Cure..) and mostly just get emo or pop songs.

Loona to me just comes off more like an emo girl than a goth, not even a mallgoth (since mallgoths are more like metalheads) since she’s shown to like bands like My Chemical Romance and even the song when searching for Octavia gave odd 2000s emo vibe. Why couldn’t y’all just went with calling her emo instead of goth 🙃🙃🙃

Now Octavia to me, could come off as a baby bat exploring the goth subculture but she always plays pop music for her and idk… I get it, most baby bats won’t be familiar with goth music right away but idk it be nice to hear those themes.

That being said, Helluva Boss isn’t the only cartoon guilty of this. Majority of cartoons in general were always made by normie people and they don’t know much about the goth subculture and only relied on stereotypes normal people have about goths.

However, there are adult cartoons that actually did research better when writing goth characters and giving them more accurate music that fits them.

Take the South Park goth kids for an example

In their room, you notice a poster that’s called Skippy Puppy and the Blauhaus, which are spoof bands of real bands called Skinny Puppy and The Bauhaus which are two bands that are very much liked by goths (bauhaus being the first goth band that gave birth to goth, and skinny puppy is more industrial than goth, we consider that goth adjacent since back in the 90s, goth and industries music were very much mashed together in goth clubs )

Even by character designs, Michael and Henrietta were modeled after Robert Smith and Siouxsie Sioux, who were very much the big time iconic goth musicians.

Matt and Trey themselves are huge fans of the Cure and even had a cameo of Robert smith and even hung out with goths before, so you can see why they got a depiction of them to notch. And the whole thing with them and the vamp kids was a real thing that happened with the 90s with goths and mall goths, i suggestion checking out Angela Benedict’s video for that.

Another example is Venture Bros since Triana believe it or not, is very much an accurate depiction of a goth. And they even referenced bands like the Bauhaus, Alien, Nik Fiend, and Deathrock music as some of Triana’s interests.

But the big kicker is Triana herself, is voiced by Lisa friggin Hammer!

For anyone who doesn’t know, Lisa hammer was an iconic goth musician during the 90s and was in two ethereal wave bands known as Mors Siphlitica and Requiem in White. The fact they had her voice their goth character shows me they did their research.

Even Seth McFarlene got this right (yes you heard me) with American Dad with Debbie and her goth peers, not only making her a very down to earth person but they made their main theme “Love will Tear us Apart” from Joy Division

For those that may not know, Joy Division is one of the Big 5 of goth bands along with the the Bauhaus, the Cure, Sioxusie and the Banshees, and Sisters of Mercy. So I was surprised that Seth got this right, since he’s known to stereo things in his shows.

And of course we also have Daria, with having two goth characters and no I don’t mean Daria and Jane. (Having a cynical personality doesn’t make you a goth) But rather do I mean Andrea and Trent

She was so obviously modeled after Robert Smith and Siouxsie Sioux since those two were very iconic with goth fashion back on the day, we sadly don’t see much of her but you can tell they took inspiration.

And you may be thinking, but why Trent? He doesn’t even dress goth and just seems like he likes any music. While he’s that may be true, but I Remeber having this conversation with other goths in Instagram where we had a huge disccuin of goth characters in fiction. And one of my peers mentioned Trent also counts because he’s shown to have an interest in goth music if you look at his bedroom. So I thought I check out and what do you know

There’s a poster of Bauhaus and Sisters of Mercy inside his bedroom :) and honestly guys, there are actual goths like this I knew in real life. Where they don’t dress the part but are still a huge fanatic of the music. Like you don’t need to dress all dark to be goth, that’s optional, you just really need to enjoy goth music to be goth.

And of course we have Serena from Downtown who actually was not only based off of a goth in real life, but she’s shown interests in goth bands like Dead Can Dance and a satire of Sisters of Mercy as shown here.

The Brothers of Creation is basically a parody of sisters of Mercy. But not only that, she even brought up on one episode how she got tired of goths being badly judged and stereotyped by others (even being lumped by Masonites, which we all know how controversial Marilyn Manson was back then and how his fanbase ignited a horrible stereotype about goths. He was never a goth artist, but normies had the assumption that all goths are like him and his fanbase based on how they just dress similar to goths) and her annoyance with neckbeards that thirst over goth women just makes her relatable to me. Since sadly, there are many men that creep on goth women like us and we get tired of it.

Now honestly, it really should not be that hard to add some goth music to give for Loona and Octavia. They do that modern day humor so much with Instagram and tik tok, they literally could had use a parody of Dusty from Vision Video (who’s a very popular goth tik toker and even has his own bad that’s very similar to the cure) and given we have knowledge now, this amount of research to write goth characters SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD.

But you know, all would be forgiven if they don’t have hints of liking goth music if they just made Loona a lot more likable. My main pet peeve with her is that she comes off as a negative stereotype of goths that a lot of us don’t like. It just gives normies a really bad idea of us that we are all shitty people.

So anyways rant over, Vivziepop REALLY needs to try and branch out different music genres or research alternative subcultures better before making goth characters.

#helluva boss critical #vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #hazbin hotel critical #yes I’m aware this has been an issue for a lot of cartoons and not just this show #but as someone who’s been in the goth subculture since 2013 #this is super frustrating #we have information now to know more about goth #just tired of people depicting goths so bad #like damn get our music tastes right at least #or don’t potray as the way normies see us as negative stereotypes

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hausbabylon · 5 months

Text

bigger than the whole sky

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word count: 5,438

Warnings: Angst, unspecified legal age gap. This is pretty much about Natasha being mourned over and remembered as she deserves. What better day to post than on her birthday?

On December 3rd, you recalled all the wonderful memories you had created with your partner.

June 18th, 2019

Half of humanity was gone.

Each day, you woke up to a world where the sun shone as brightly as ever, permitting the shadow of loss to darken every corner of the souls of the survivors of the Thanos blip. The familiar warmth faded, replaced by only a deep melancholy at the memory of what everyday life used to be. In the blink of an eye, your loved ones vanished, leaving you with the agony of their absence.

You were lost and desolate. You longed deeply to experience just a glimpse of everything you once took for granted, like calling your mother after a long day, hearing the murmurs of people at the coffee shop, or receiving a funny video from your best friend. Just something...

But nothing.

Word of mouth, you heard about a support group that Steve Rogers was leading. The world had become so vast, that breathing the same air as Captain America, with the Black Widow at your side, was no longer an unthinkable madness that would happen only in the most delusional mind. It was a reality.

There you were, realizing that you also had something in common with heroes of international stature. When they weren't all over the news, fighting right-handed in their intimidating suits, they were simply human beings who also wanted to be heard from time to time. They too had a right to break down.

"I..." you looked up, once it was your turn to speak. All eyes were looking at you expectantly, and Natasha Romanoff's eyes on you made your task more difficult. "Well, the barista at the coffee shop I go to informed me about this, uhm.... I'm (Y/N)."

"Hi, (Y/N)," those present responded in unison. The raspy voice of the woman next to you somehow resonated more in your ears than any other. What a woman. Not for nothing had you become interested in the news, only to see her fight so bravely. You always considered her a beautiful woman, and above all, a powerful one.

The only three friends you had always teased you about your crush on the Black Widow. And this alone made you feel worse. They would have loved to see you all flushed and nervous like you were at that moment.

"I remember hating crowds. People rushing around at all hours, often pushing and shoving," you began, looking down at the ground as you fiddled with your hands. "I hated the voices. Sometimes it was so loud that, between them all, they sounded like a swarm of angry bees," some had the strength to only half-smile at your silly analogy, others were unfazed.

Natasha's resilience turned out to be greater than you imagined, she demonstrated it on multiple occasions, but you experienced it live and in full color when she specifically let out a distinguished laugh. It echoed throughout the room, you could hear it loud and clear.

"I know, it was annoying." you said softly, directing your first words specifically towards the redhead, who by the way had a bit of blonde on the ends of her hair, indicating that the dye was fading. It looked beautiful on her. "Anyway," you redirected your attention to the others again. "I know a lot of people here hated that noise. We'd put on headphones so we didn't have to listen to anyone," you continued, and earned a nod of agreement from everyone present. "Well, now, I put my headphones on and play audio of people talking. I never thought I'd miss this, or that I'd miss being constantly pushed around, the voice of an annoying customer I have to deal with at work. Besides, everything is slowing down, nobody lives in a hurry anymore, and... well, I think you understand," you let out a nervous chuckle. You had no intention of rambling on too much about it, or you were never going to stop.

"Thanks for sharing," Steve said, giving you a small smile, that smile where he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows.

Once the meeting was over, you let out a small sigh, grabbed your stuff and headed for the exit.

A voice stopped you as you stood on the other side of the door, causing you to turn and meet again those green eyes that looked so much more beautiful in person. Neither magazine pictures nor news cameras could capture that wonderful pair.

"I just wanted to ask you, if it's not too invasive," she spoke, as soon as you turned around. "Do you have anyone to talk to? Outside of this group, I mean."

"Anyone close? No," you answered honestly. It was the truth. Being highly selective had its consequences, as you were unlucky enough to lose your very few close loved ones; your three best friends, your mother, your aunt and your grandfather. Some family members, previous friends and even exes with whom you cut ties tried to reconnect, but the phrase 'better alone than in bad company' never applied better than in this case. "But if you're talking in general terms, even the person in line at the supermarket can be your confidant and support. You can imagine what it's like."

"I know," she agreed, and thought for a moment before adding, "In supermarkets, products expire before anyone buys them, but it's a good thing, it's an excuse to buy more snacks so they don't go to waste."

You let out a laugh. A full, genuine laugh, and wow... it was the first time in the last year that someone had made you laugh like that. It was a silly joke, yes, but in the midst of so much monotony, the spontaneity was a gift she gave you.

December 3rd, 2023

"You were in fact the only person who made me laugh," you barely managed to formulate the last words before you burst into tears for the fifth time.

Natasha would be turning 39. You both knew that aging was anything but a bad thing, yet she enjoyed ironically saying that she was getting old, even if it was far from the truth. She had no childhood, no adolescence. The concept of old age seemed the most comforting to her.

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, and to swallow your tears. You were talking to a piece of marble with her name carved on it, and you knew that meters underneath there wasn't even a body to mourn over, but you had to let it all out one way or another.

"Happy 39th birthday, my love," you whispered, smiling faintly. "I guess your wish came true. You stayed 38 forever."

December 3rd, 2020

"Oh, my wish is to stay 36 forever!" Natasha exclaimed, with a broad smile, and then blew out the candles on the mini cake you had bought her.

You laughed along with her.

Laughing seemed impossible until she showed up a year and a half ago in your life at that support group. Now laughing seemed as easy as breathing.

You wondered if, somehow, you would have met Natasha. She was a very famous woman, unattainable to everyone including you. The possibility of having lived a life without her terrified you, so much so that it was the first time you were actually grateful that the blip had happened, because it made it possible for her to be sitting on the couch next to you, spending her birthday morning with you after making her her favorite breakfast.

"Oh, come on, Nat," you laughed, as you placed the cake on the coffee table, and started pouring the wine. "You age like this fine wine. I imagine how divine you'll look in your 40s, in your 50s... don't take that away from me," you spoke seriously, as if the candles really did have the power to fulfill her wishes.

She laughed loudly, and took the glass of wine you gave her, "38 is the most I'm willing to age. It is my final offer."

You rolled your eyes playfully, and raised your glass, "Very well. To your penultimate year of aging. Cheers!"

The rest of the morning, and part of the afternoon was spent lazying on the couch, marathoning romantic comedies from the 90s and early 2000s.

Until the clock struck 5:00 p.m., it was one hour before Natasha's adoptive parents arrived, and the nervousness was starting to hit you.

"My love, it's time to get off the couch and get ready," you spoke, pausing the Julia Roberts movie 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

"Ughhhh!" She protested, covering herself up to her head with the blanket resting on top of you both. Said blanket was perhaps twice the size of the two of you, and perhaps three times as heavy. It was the best weapon against the December cold.

"Nat, I don't want your parents to find us in penguin pajamas and ugly sweaters," you laughed, shaking her gently. "I want to make a good first impression. Come on!"

"You're overthinking," she replied, resting her head in your lap, under the blanket. "They won't mind your outfit, and believe me, they'll love you."

You sighed lightly.

"I hope so," you replied, scratching her hair with your fingertips. "I'm much younger than you, and I don't want them to think I'm immature, or..."

"Alexei still insists on wearing his superhero costume, even though it looks tiny on him," Natasha interrupted you, before your head wandered. "Maturity is something that doesn't exist in my family, you take it easy."

You laughed a little, and that little anecdote was enough to give you significant relief. If Natasha said you'd be fine, then it was true.

The redhead was somewhat reserved when it came to her family.

You understood that she wanted to be sure that it was going to be something long and meaningful before she let you into that sacred side of her life, so it wasn't a year and a half after you met her that you finally would get to know the famous Melina and Alexei. You felt more than privileged to know that your relationship with her had already reached that point.

She also always mentioned her little sister Yelena, whom she had lost to the blip. You wished you could have met that other brave soul who destroyed Dreykov and his entire twisted organization, saving thousands of girls and women around the world.

"Well..." she said, suddenly getting up from your lap, as she pulled back the blanket. Afterwards, she planted a quick kiss on your lips. "I need a few minutes to mentally prepare myself and get out of here. Get in the shower and then I'll join you."

Within forty-five minutes, both of you were fully dressed and ready to welcome Melina and Alexei to Natasha's apartment.

The table was set with a white tablecloth, four plates with their respective cutlery and glasses. In the middle was the previously started wine and a bottle of soda that was a little wet, as it had just been taken out of the fridge five minutes before. The older woman's parents would bring takeout dinner and cake, so the table was ready just to serve the food and eat.

Punctually, at 6:00 p.m., you heard the doorbell ring.

You took a deep breath, and together with Natasha, you headed for the door.

Naturally, she was the first to greet them and pull them into a heartwarming embrace, which was somewhat clumsy because it was obstaclized by the bags of food in Melina's hands and the box of cake in Alexei's right arm. You stood there, watching the scene feeling both tenderness and nervousness, because your girlfriend's parents were finally standing in front of you.

The redhead took the cake and a bag of food, and with her head pointed in your direction, "This is (Y/N), (Y/N), this is Melina and Alexei."

With a gentle smile, you waved at them, "It's very nice to meet you, Miss Vostokoff, and Mister Shostakov."

"Oh, let's drop the formalities, c'mere!" Alexei exclaimed, and held out his arms to wrap you in a tight embrace.

You let out a giggle, and accepted his offer. He squeezed you and you let out a playful groan of complaint. Melina, laughing as you did, hugged you once the man released you, however, she was gentler and briefer, concluding it with a rub on your back.

"Please call us by our names," she spoke. "Natasha has talked so much about you that you're not even a stranger. So we don't want to be strangers to you either."

You looked at Natasha, and she smiled broadly, having also enjoyed the scene at your first meeting with her parents.

"Very well," you chuckled. "Please, let me help you with this," you offered, pointing to the single bag she was carrying.

"Oh, thank you," she agreed, passing you the bag.

You and Natasha placed the two bags on the table, and the cake on the kitchen counter.

"Beer?" Natasha offered to Alexei.

"Oh, please!" he exclaimed, sitting down on one of the chairs next to Melina. Across from both of them, Natasha and you would sit.

You heard the sound of two bottles being uncorked, and Natasha was the last to join the table, handing one bottle to Alexei and both of them toasting and then taking a big sip.

The dinner went wonderfully.

Natasha was right, her parents were easy-going and funny, each in their own way. Alexei always had a joke on the tip of his tongue, and Melina, though calmer than him, laughed lightly and added to the joke just to make you all laugh. At the end of the evening, when they bid their fond farewells, you completely forgot how nervous you felt a few hours earlier. They were enchanted with you and the feeling was mutual.

A small meow was heard about a minute after Natasha's parents left, and she stepped forward, opening the window to reveal the black cat sitting on the stairs. Liho always wandered around her building, but Natasha's floor was her favorite due to the redhead always giving her food and treats. She was a very easy cat to love, and it didn't take long for her to grow on Natasha, so she was unofficially adopted by her.

"Sorry, Liho," she said, caressing behind her ears. "You were late. There will be no food for the unpunctual."

"Hey, don't be mean," you teased, reaching up to stroke the cat's cheek. She happily bowed her head, receiving your affection.

"I'm kidding," she let out a giggle, and headed for the kitchen. From there, she pulled out one of the cans of cat tuna she always bought for the feline. Once she placed it in a plate on the floor, the cat ran in her direction and didn't hesitate to devour the dish, making you both laugh. "Oh, thank you so much for coming to visit me for my birthday, little one. You're adorable."

You walked in Natasha's direction, and wrapped your arms around her waist. One thing you loved about her was that, no matter by what kind of physical contact you manifested your love for her, the older woman always seemed to melt at your touch.

"Stay another night," she whispered, entwining your hands in hers and then kissing them.

It was the fifth night in a row she had said that to you. No problem, though, it wasn't the first time it had happened, so you prepared yourself beforehand and packed more clothes to stay with her as long as you both wanted.

"Yes, I have another change of clothes..." you replied. "I think at this point, I'll have more clothes here than at home."

She turned to meet your gaze, and glanced at your lips briefly to lean in and kiss you gently. You, likewise, melted at any action of your girlfriend, and the taste of her lips never failed to delight you immensely.

"Move in with me," she was quick to say, resting her forehead against yours. "Let's find a nice house, let's officially adopt Liho, hell, let's adopt a kid when we're ready. I want everything with you."

December 3rd, 2023

"Did you enjoy your time with Grandma Melina?" You asked the little girl walking beside you in the direction of the car.

"Very much! She taught me some fighting techniques, and then we tried them on Grandpa Alexei," she replied, and you laughed at her statement. "He went down like a sack of potatoes."

Alissa Grace Romanoff.

A girl you and Natasha adopted when she was four years old. Now, at six, you were increasingly amazed at how smart, strong and determined she was, showing an interest in being like her mother but also possessing an artistic sensitive side.

"Did you leave my drawing with mom?" She asked, once you placed her in the back seat of the car and buckled her in.

The little girl remembered Natasha fondly, and longed for her with all her heart. Fortunately, she was at an age where she was more likely to remember more, and you would keep her memory alive in her mind.

You and Natasha worked hard to give her the best memories, so that her childhood was something she looked back on with fondness and happiness, unlike your girlfriend, who couldn't do the same and always avoided to think in the slighest about the matter.

"Of course I did, I left her your drawing and the beautiful flowers you suggested," you confirmed, kissing her small forehead and then heading to the driver's seat.

You needed some time alone in the cemetery every time you visited your girlfriend, even more so on this day. On the one visit where you took your daughter, you broke down to such an extent that she ended up crying a lot more than she initially was.

Knowing that holding back wasn't the best way to go, you preferred to go alone and vent properly. It hadn't even been two months since October 16th, so there were still times when you cried to the point where you couldn't get up from the floor. And when you finally did, your eyes were so swollen that you had to go home and wash your face so that they would look better so as not to worry the little girl.

Melina and Alexei insisted that you visit Natasha first, and as always, they were more than happy to spend time with their granddaughter. Since you got up early, knowing that you would take your sweet time, you returned early as well, so that they would also have their space on this day to visit their beloved daughter.

The day passed quietly.

You bought some lunch, and both of you ate while watching 'Tangled' for the thousandth time, but this movie ended up being background noise, as your daughter continued to tell you about how Merlina did her combat technique demonstrations and Alexei was the 'brave volunteer' who would attack her, even if he wasn't volunteering or brave at all.

At 5 p.m., you sat next to Alissa at the coffee table in the living room, and opened her maths book. She had an assignment to complete a page of two-digit addition problems, and although it was due on Friday, she was always allowed to do it on Sunday afternoons.

You preferred her to do it as soon as possible so she could spent the whole weekend freely with no pending homework, but well, the habit of leaving it until last minute stuck with you because Natasha was a little bit of a softie.

October 30th, 2022

You heard the loud sound of falling metal, causing you to startle and wake up in alarm.

Natasha was not in your bed, and that increased your concern. Maybe it was a thief, a spy, an enemy of Natasha's who broke into the house...

But when you ran to see the source of the sound, you found Natasha in the kitchen, and Alissa sitting at the counter. They both looked in your direction, and smiled innocently.

"We didn't mean to wake you, detka," Natasha spoke, and you noticed the silver bowl in the dishwasher, the one that previously fell and woke you up, nearly giving you a heart attack.

"Oh, what's wrong?" You asked, your eyes half open. The clock on the microwave read one in the morning.

"I went to get a glass of water, and mom was reading in the living room," Alissa explained. "I couldn't sleep, and neither could she."

"So we made Halloween-themed cupcakes," Natasha concluded, pointing with her head towards the oven, whose dim light gave you a view of the cupcakes baking inside it.

You laughed at Natasha's solution, and were deeply touched as well. Any other parent would have made their kid a glass of milk, read a story, or accompanied their child until they fell back asleep, but your girlfriend decided to keep her awake and make Halloween cupcakes.

"I suppose you'll write a note saying that Alissa won't be going to school," you deduced, knowing the redhead very well.

She nodded.

Your daughter didn't even have to pretend to be sick to miss school, she just had to say she didn't want to go and Natasha would melt at her puppy eyes and let her stay home. As much as you hated to be the boring one, you had to set certain boundaries, however, your efficient communication with both of them always led to an agreement without making you look like the bad one. So, if Alissa went to school, on the way home you would stop for ice cream or go to the park.

But of course, this was an occasion where there was no choice but to agree to skip school, otherwise Alissa would be sleepy all day.

"All right, let's start working on the toppings, shall we?" You said with a wide smile.

December 3rd, 2023

"These crayons that Aunt Yelena gave me have very good pigmentation," Alissa commented, as she ran the brownish-red crayon over the white sheet of paper.

You laughed at the use of words. Somehow, she always managed to learn new words and use them appropriately. Little things you noticed and loved about your daughter.

"Oh, the 500 color box she brought from her last mission's trip? What are you drawing?" You asked, looking up from your book to pay attention to her. However, she was quick to cover her work with her arms.

"You can see when I'm done," she established.

Whenever she did the tedious math homework, Alissa redirected her attention to her drawings. She always knew that after working hard, she deserved to do something she enjoyed afterwards. No one told her, she just knew it was the right thing to do, and you were going to fight to death with anyone who dared make her believe otherwise.

Yelena could be considered the world-traveling aunt, except for the fact that it wasn't for fun and more for the purposes of freeing brainwashed Black Widows.

And when she was in town, your daughter would always come back with her sugar at 110% because her Aunt Yelena spoiled her with exaggerated doses of sweets, after taking her to the amusement park or the movies. You had difficulty putting her to sleep, because it was 9 p.m. and Alissa kept running around the house even though you begged her in every possible way that it was time to go to sleep.

So, while she was at the coffee table drawing, you were on the couch with Liho lounging in the other single recliner, taking her fifth nap of the day. The little black cat was no exception when it came to missing Natasha, constantly climbing on the bed on the side that used to be where she slept, meowing as if she was wondering where that nice redhead she used to visit in her apartment had gone.

Cats were transcendental beings, and you wondered if during her naps, she really did have astral travels where she could meet your girlfriend without worrying about the planes of existence that she could easily visit with zero effort.

You had your legs covered by the same blanket that once also kept your girlfriend warm on these cold days, and how she used to sneak under it to lie on your lap or to tease you by placing her cold hands under your shirt.

"I'm done," Alissa said after a few minutes. "It's mom."

You took the drawing delicately, as if it were a work that required the touch of cautious hands only, almost as if a very abrupt movement would fade the work captured on paper.

You watched carefully.

It was Natasha, but she did not have her reddish hair with blonde ends as your daughter had known her, but was from years ago, and you wondered if the girl had come across more pictures besides the ones hanging on the wall.

"Ah, here she has long curly hair. You portrayed her beautifully, honey," you complimented her, a nostalgic smile plastered on your face. "There was a time when her hair was like that, actually."

"I know," she admitted. "Mom told me she was just working for S.H.I.E.L.D back then and that's how she met Iron Man, pretending to be Natalie Rushman, a new assistant. That was the start of this whole Avengers adventure."

"Oh, yes..." you let out a chuckle. "Who told you that? Aunt Yelena?"

"No, mom told me."

"Ah, mom told you... when?"

"Last night, last night I dreamed about her," Alissa replied, so casually that it seemed to surprise her no longer. At first, she woke up crying, saying she hated the reality, and wished it wasn't a dream. However, over the days she began to relate it as if it were a regular occurrence. "We were in my room, and she saw my drawing wall. She asked me to draw her this way too, because she misses her long hair," she added. "Oh, and she also told me that birthday candles actually grant wishes. Because she once wished she was 36 forever, but she negotiated with you and it ended up being 38."

You tensed your jaw, and you mewed all the way in while making a superhuman effort not to burst into tears right there.

You had these recurring dreams of Natasha, mostly where she would tell you how proud she was of how you kept going for yourself and your daughter every day. In another, which was the day you met Yelena, the same night, you dreamed she asked you about how you liked her. In all the dreams she told you that she loved you and Alissa, and that sooner or later, she would find a way to get back to you.

"I'll find a way back," she said. "In the meantime, remember that love transcends time and space. We love each other, that's all we need to stay together more than ever."

Your daughter had similar dreams, with the difference being that many of them were just about the two of them spending time together like they used to.

You knew that Natasha healed her inner child through activities with Alissa. She might have looked mature and tough on the outside, but on the inside, she loved spending time with her little girl and at the same time giving the little Natasha living inside her all those experiences she was deprived of.

You thought you were going crazy and delusional, and that these dreams were just your subconscious going to great lengths to offer comfort and protect you and Alissa from pain.

But, it was not possible for Alissa to know that, as it happened long before she was adopted. That little anecdote you never mentioned it to a single soul, and neither did Natasha, otherwise it would have been brought up long before. Besides, your daughter wasn't a liar. And there was no way for her to know this.

There was just no way for her to know.

"You know, mom told me that, as long as we love her, she can transcend space and time, and be here, even if it's not on the physical plane like we are," you spoke finally, your voice failing to sound steady. Still, you didn't try harder. Natasha taught you in that support group when you first met her that even the strongest heroes had a right to break.

"Like she does when she visits me," Alissa concluded, smiling excitedly. "I know it's not my head or my imagination. I know it's her."

March 2nd, 2023

"I know it's you, mom!"

"No, who's your mom? I'm Rapunzel," Natasha said, in a high-pitched voice, far from her raspy tone.

She looked adorable in that blonde wig that came down to her heels, the purple dress and the makeup you did before your daughter arrived at the park where she would be having her very first surprise birthday party. Natasha insisted on dressing up instead of hiring an impersonator, because that way it would be more special and a nicer memory that her daughter would look back on in a few years.

"And I am, Flynn Ryder!" Steve came out from behind a tree, with his hair styled like said character, and a costume that also closely resembled, he even had that cross-body bag around his torso.

"That is you, Uncle Steve," she paused. "Oh, but I don't need a princess when my mom is a hero!" The little girl ran from her seat, and hugged Natasha's legs, who with a pout and teary eyes, lifted her off the floor and hugged her tightly.

That scene caused your eyes to glaze over as well, and as you looked around at everyone present, you realized you weren't the only one.

Steve, Clint, Melina, Alexei... everyone was touched. Everyone close to Natasha knew very well what it meant to her to have been given the opportunity to be a mother despite her past and unavailability to get pregnant, and watching the amazing job she was doing would warm up even the coldest heart.

"Hey! What about me?" Steve exclaimed, feigning offense at Alissa's exclusion.

"You too!" The little girl extended her arm in his direction, inviting him to join in the embrace.

Natasha then extended her free arm in your direction, and you didn't know how or at what point, but suddenly everyone present was enveloped in a group hug. Even Alexei ended up joining despite his previous rivalry with Steve. It was something everyone definitely needed.

"Okay, darling, let's pretend you don't know it's us and let us perform the act we prepared," Natasha spoke, and the little girl laughed at the silly impression of Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder your girlfriend and Steve had prepared for this special ocassion.

December 3rd, 2023

"We will be here when you come back, my love," you whispered with your forehead leaning against Natasha's, after pulling stay from a passionate kiss.

"Don't worry yourself. Clint and I will go to another planet, collect one of the Infinity Stones and be back in literally a minute," was the last sentence Natasha directed towards you, very confident that those words would be the truth.

"Damn you, Natalia!" You exclaimed, throwing your phone towards the floor of your room, so hard that you wouldn't be surprised if it broke.

It wasn't the best idea to end this day looking at old pictures; of your first dates with Natasha, of when you moved in together with Liho, and of the day you adopted Alissa, among thousands of other memories frozen through photograph.

You were drowning in your own tears again like every night, after Alissa was already sound asleep in her room to hear you.

It was a routine where you fell asleep after draining it all away, so you would have the strength to face another day without her.

You missed her caresses, her kisses, hearing her laugh, her jokes and her raspy voice in the mornings.

All physical aspects that ultimately were a form in which her eternal essence manifested itself, but you knew now more than ever that you were only used to her physical form, but that her essence would live on until the end of time.

Until she would return to us again.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow x reader #marvel #mcu #end game #natasha romanoff x you #scarlett johansson

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drarrily-we-row-along · 6 months

Text

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

#please send help #c rambles #i'm ace and i'm having a hard time with it #genuinely- I do know this is way too much information #I won't blame anyone if no one reads all of this #but i'll love you forever if you reply with something that makes me feel a little less lost and terrified #ace

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scarletttries · 7 months

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Woo Jin Fluff Alphabet (Bloodhounds)

Pairing: Hong Woo-Jin (Bloodhounds) x Reader

Rating: Pure Fluff

Word Count: 3.2k

Author's Note: After a little gap last week while I was on my Honeymoon, I'm back with another double bill of the Bloodhounds boys, starting with Woo Jin in this fluff alphabet :)

a -affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

Woo Jin is anything but subtle in his affections toward you. His obvious adoration will be constant, whether that's in the form of him walking with his hand in yours everywhere the two of you go, searching out your lips any moment you're alone, or calling you endless pet names that you only respond to for him. He'd definitely want to have almost matching outfits whenever you two go out together, so there's no doubt in anyone's mind that he is completely and utterly yours. Woo Jin's mouth is always running so he'll always be trying to make you laugh or tell him how special you are to him, his charming nature so over the top once he's in a relationship with you.

b - beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do you think is beautiful about them?)

Woo Jin thinks you are beautiful inside and out - he was immediately captivated by your looks, but what he really falls for is your personality and the way you treat the people around you. He feels immediately better whenever he's in your presence and when you speak to him and listen to his answers, he feels like he's the most interesting and important person in the world.

In the same way, Woo Jin is obviously an incredibly good looking guy, but what really shows off his beauty is his loyalty to those around him. He doesn't need to know someone for very long before he really cares about them, and is willing to do anything to help them out or look after them, even if he sometimes comes on a bit strong! When he starts to look for any way he can take care of you, putting in so much effort after only days as your friend, it's very hard not to fall for him.

c- cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

Woo Jin will cling to you like a koala trying to weather a storm in the high up branches of an unstable tree, like his very life depends on keeping you within his grasp. From the first time you let him wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you snugly against his chest where you seem to fit just right, he knows he'll never find anyone else that makes him feel quite so warm. He loves pulling you onto his lap and curling up with you on a couch in the evenings, or cuddling up with you in his bed after a long day of training. Even when you're out in public together, sitting in a restaurant or cafe, he'll drag your chair across the floor towards him until your knee brushes his and he can feel you close again.

d - dates (what are dates with them like? do they plan them out or are they spontaneous?)

Woo Jin's not much for planning ahead, but he doesn't want you to feel like he isn't thinking about you all day, everyday, so he'll try to make a plan for you. He doesn't know a lot of places to go so it's lots of eating at his aunt's restaurant, because he loves to see how well you get on with his family, knowing you'll be a permanent part of it one day. And if he feels like getting a bit more dressed up, he'll ask his good friend the Lil Group Heir to set you up in a VIP room at his club, or maybe a high end karaoke room where the two of you can serenade each other all night.

e - ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Woo Jin would hate hurting someone's feelings, having been on the receiving of a lot of rejection in his life, so he'd try his best to be very direct and straightforward - that wouldn't necessarily be how it actually ends up happening, he's very prone to rambling, but after ten minutes of telling the person how great they are he would finally let them down very gently and insist on staying friends.

f - fiancee (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

Before he met you, he never thought much about commitment or marriage, so focused on establishing his own life that he didn't really think much about his future beyond taking it one day at a time. Once you come into his life though, he realises you might be the missing piece of the whole puzzle, his entire future making a lot more sense if he imagines it by your side. He'd be incredibly quick to start looking into rings and picturing the proposal, literally only week's into being your official boyfriend, but luckily it would take him so long to decide on what he's doing that you'd be more than ready to say yes when he finally asks.

g - gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Woo Jin would be so so gentle with you emotionally, always so kind and friendly and wanting to pick you up when you're feeling down. He'd be constantly telling you what you mean to him, all the ways you are special and perfect, and telling you lots of silly jokes too, making sure you're never worried about him even when he's out on dangerous work missions. Physically he's not that gentle with you, only because he's not scared of using his strength with you - he loves that when he pulls you in for a hug he can lift your feet off the ground and sit you on the counter so he fits between your knees. He loves that he can always win when you start a play-fight and that he can squeeze one of his arms tightly around you when you two are walking together and know that he makes you feel safe.

h - hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do if? what are their hugs like?)

It's constant hugs with Woo Jin! He loves hugging you so so much, he feels so happy that he gets to do it every day, and there's never a day that goes by when he takes that for granted. His hugs are so warm and tight and firm, and you can truly feel every ounce of love pouring out of his body when he takes you in his arms. He absolutely craves being pressed close to you, and after any time apart he will race back into your arms and need to stay in them for as long as humanly possible. Your hugs recharge his battery <3

i - injury (how would they act if they got hurt?)

When he's hurt, Woo Jin is pretty used to it, but he loves the way you fuss over him so he'll be a little bit more pathetic than he needs to be. He'll brag about how many guys he fought and lean in extra close so you can see all his cuts and bruises as you gently wipe over his face and cup his chin and tell him he's very brave.

Oh my god when you get hurt, Woo Jin is looking for revenge. Even if it's just period pain, this man is ready to burn down half the city just to try and make you feel better. He doesn't think you should ever be in pain, but he will do anything you say with a panicked look on his face, being there for you every step of the way.

j - jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

Woo Jin has a lot of insecurity from being told he wasn't quite good enough to be the best, time and time again in his life, so when he sees you talking to someone else that would definitely overcome him. He would assume this guy was better than him in every conceivable way, and that it was completely obvious to you just from looking at him, and that you would be falling out of love with him with every passing second. He'd barge over and wrap an arm around you, making forced friendly conversation with the guy until he got the hint and you were left alone to remind Woo Jin that you think he is the best of the best and there's no one that compares to him in your eyes. And if anyone tried to flirt with Woo Jin, he would tell them about his girlfriend before they finish the first sentence, wide panicked eyes at you ever feeling that fear of losing him that he feels occasionally for you.

k- kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to be kissed?)

Woo Jin kisses you like a man who's never been kissed and never thought he would be. The first few times it's soft and timid, but as you start to get more comfortable together that just builds until every time he sees you his hands are in your hair and his tongue is in your mouth and somehow he's now pinning you beneath him while you make out until you're gasping for breath. If you start to trail a kiss over his neck and along his jaw, his eyes will flutter shut and he'll sing your sweet praises, but his lips will always find yours again, never more at home than in your kiss.

l - love language (what is their love language?)

Woo Jin definitely shows his love through his words, whether that's the endless compliments he showers you with for the second you open your eyes until the moment you drift off to sleep, or through his bizarre sense of humour, finding every opportunity to make you laugh.

Physical contact is also a big deal for Woo Jin, every time you weave your fingers through his it sends warmth rushing through his veins, a physical reminder that you are here and that you chose him, and keep choosing him every day.

m - mornings (how are mornings spent with them?)

Woo Jin is so not a morning person. When you have to get up early for some reason he will be a whiny baby, begging you to stay there for ten more minutes and let him hold you while he sleeps. If it's a morning where you can start a bit slower and stay cuddled up in bed a little longer, well those are some of his favourite memories with you. Getting to watch you slowly wake up on your own and seek out his arms, his lips, his chest, Woo Jin pulling you tight against him and thinking of nothing else but how wonderful it feels to be here with you.

n - nights (how are nights spent with them?)

Woo Jin's much more lively at night, used to doing a lot of his work in the evenings and now excited that he can put that energy towards you. If you're not going out for a date he'll blast some upbeat music in his little apartment while you cook together, dragging you away from whatever you're doing so he can dance with you. When he finally accepts it's time for bed he'll want to spend hours telling you his every thought, and talking through the randomest stuff with you, just to make you smile and feel like slowly you're learning everything about each other. Sometimes he'll fight to stay awake a little longer so he can keep the conversation going and to watch you finally doze off, looking so perfectly peaceful that it warms his heart.

o - open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Woo Jin will tell you a lot about himself early on in the relationship, preferring to be an open book because he knows he forms the best friendships and connections that way. As you get even closer he'll start actively trying to think of things to tell you that he's never told anyone else, wanting you to know that this is no longer just a friendship to him but something deeper and more intimate. He loves when you share your history with him too, feeling so privileged to be the person in your life that gets to hear all your thoughts.

p - patience (how patient are they usually? what tends to wear their patience thin?)

Woo Jin's pretty used to things happening quickly around him, but you don't get through the marines without being reasonably patient and disciplined. That said he definitely gets wildly impatient when he has to be apart from you, his missing you so achingly intense he'll do anything to see you again sooner!

q - quality time (how do they like to spend with you?)

If he could spend every single second of his day wrapped up together on his couch doing nothing, Woo Jin happily would. He's very much the kind of guy where it doesn't matter what you do together, as long as you are together then it's a date, and it's time he considers incredibly precious. He loves being lazy with you in the mornings, and then heading out when it's dark, to get some food together somewhere he loves, so excited to show you all the places that matter to him.

r - remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Definitely your first kiss - it had taken him longer than he would have liked to finally ask you to go out with him for a meal, and then he spent the whole day worried you didn't realise he meant this to be a date, trying to flirt with you but worried his usual flirty banter made it hard to tell that this was a new level of flirting. He spent the whole walk back to your apartment stuck in his own head about whether he needed to ask you on a first date again, the nerves taking over as he considered not admitting it at all. Luckily for him, when you got to the door you immediately turned to face him, not wasting a second before you leaned up on to your tip toes and planted a soft kiss on his lips, finally breaking him out of his worried inner monologue, the widest possible smile spreading across his cheeks since he could finally stop worrying you didn't know how we felt.

s - security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

He would be the absolute most protective a guy can be, knowing exactly the kinds of dangers out in the world and that he is one of the few people strong enough to keep you safe. He would hate any time he wasn't around you for a lot of reasons, but part of it is because he wouldn't be able to stop himself worrying about you, wishing he could just walk with his hand in yours everywhere you have to go.

t - try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would absolutely give his everything to your relationship - he knows how it feels to not be able to afford nice things, but he would save up all his spare cash to treat you to anything he thinks you might want. Don't be surprised if he also gets himself a matching version of whatever gift he gets you, loving nothing more than having corresponding outfits or accessories when you two are together. He'd also put in a lot of effort just every day; he is at his core a fantastic friend, and that would make him an incredibly thoughtful and caring boyfriend.

u - upset (how do they act when you're upset? how do they act when they're upset?)

When Woo Jin's upset, it's immediately obvious. It's one of the only times he's not talking endlessly, the tell-tale silence that something is on his mind and he doesn't quite know how to bring it up. You'll have to sit really close to him, pulling both his hands into your lap, gently running your thumbs over his tense skin until finally he'll relent and tell you whatever's on his mind. When you're upset Woo Jin is just there for you, not forcing you to tell him what's on your mind, but being nearby for whenever you're ready, knowing the two of you can face anything together.

v - vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

It's not that Woo Jin is vain in the traditional sense of wanting to be the most attractive person he can be, but he cares alot about fashion as a way to showcase his personality, so he puts in a lot of effort in the way he looks so that he can feel the most like himself. And if you happen to like the way he looks, well, he certainly doesn't mind that too.

w - wildcard (a random headcanon for them.)

Even though it's inevitable that sometimes you have to spend a little bit of time apart, Woo Jin views missing you as completely unacceptable. So whenever he has to be away from you, he'll start a video call with you and just talk to you all day while he's out living his life, like a little one person vlog. He just wants you to see everything about his day and know exactly what you're up to, even if the call has to last all day. Any time he's in his little apartment alone and you can't come over he'll get you on his phone, propping you up so he can see everything you're doing and vice versa.

This call gets so constant that Gun Woo gets in the habit of waving at Woo Jin's phone every time he sees him, just in case you're there on the screen already.

x - x-ray (how easily are they able to read you?)

Woo Jin's got a lot of people skills, so he'd know quite quickly if something was bothering you, usually so captivated by your warmth and light that if something was dampening your spirits it would be really obvious to him. He might spiral for a bit and assume you're upset about something he's done wrong before he gets up the nerve to talk to you about it, but he'll always be there for you when you're feeling down, trying to cheer you up with his endless smiles and jokes.

y - yuck (what things do you do that they hate?)

If you are a morning person, who likes to get up with the sun and head straight out for the day, that would definitely not be his favourite thing about you, wishing he could just curl up in bed and do nothing with you forever.

z - zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Woo Jin would definitely wake up to find himself fully wrapped around you. Like one leg over your hips, an arm under your neck, your whole body pressed to him while he's sleeping, never letting you get an inch of space from him in the night. If you wake up and try and wriggle free in the night, he'll always find his way back to you. Even asleep his forehead would crease with a frown, a little pout forming on his lips until his hands find you again, clinging to you like a child to their favourite teddy bear.

#writing #fanfiction #requests #one shot #bloodhounds fanfic #bloodhounds netflix #bloodhounds kdrama #bloodhounds imagines #bloodhounds #woojin x reader #woojin headcanon #hong woojin #hong woo jin #woojin headcannons #hong woojin x reader #k drama #hong woo jin fanfiction #hong woo jin x reader

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teaberrii · 3 months

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Chapter 18: Interrupted

After ending a five-year relationship, you pour all your energy into work. Your latest assignment? Staying at a popular bed-and-breakfast to gather information. It should be a piece of cake... If only the owner isn't the man you scolded on the street.

Jing Yuan/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

This changes everything. Now, there are questions you have to ask. Does she know what happened to Caelus and Stelle? Have they ever met? Has she ever met the other woman? How did she find out about the pregnancy?

"...I hate that family," she says, breaking your thoughts. "But, I also hate my brother. I warned him about getting involved with anyone from that messed up family. He wouldn't listen, and look what came out of it? He trusted him way too much and wouldn't keep his goddamn mouth shut…" The more she rambles, the more heated she gets. "...He should've cheated after we got married." She scoffs. "At least I'd be entitled to some of his money."

“Did anyone ever threaten you to keep quiet about the affair?”

She scoffs. “I had to threaten him.”

No matter how much she reread the message, it wouldn’t change. She knew that. But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the flirty exchange.

“...What are you doing?”

She turned around and saw the man who had proposed to her a few months ago. She stood from the bed and held out his phone.

“Who is this?”

She sensed it, felt it in her bones. He was no longer the man who she thought he was. That nonchalant look at the phone was something she'd never seen before. Who was he? What did he do with the man who adored and spoiled her? As he walked to the table and lit a cigarette, it took every nerve in her body not to throw his phone at his face. Her mind was screaming; her face was probably red as a tomato. She was slightly shaking as she glared at him.

“You’ll be ruined," she seethed. "Once this gets out, your fucking reputation will be in the dumps.”

“She’s just a friend. You don’t need to get so worked up over nothing." He took a drag. "It’d be in your best interests.”

"...I thought I had the upper hand, but I later discovered that the messages were gone," she says. "I should've listened to my gut months ago that something was going on."

"Had he been asking you for financial support on the hotel?"

"...He did, and I was stupid enough to send money to him. It wasn't a lot, not enough to suddenly have an increase in quality and staff at least. It was strange that there was all this extra funding, but I shrugged it off because—hey—business was great. When I found out who the other woman was, it fucking made sense."

“Let me guess… He was using her like an ATM.”

“Gosh, how did you know? Anyway, I’d rather not talk about her.” Then, quietly, “It takes just one person to ruin a bunch of people’s lives.”

“...When did you find out about Caelus and Stelle?”

She hated being here, but it was just for one year. All she had to do was to make it through this one year. She didn't want to go when she was asked to relocate to a hospital in Xianzhou. Why would she after the terrible memories? But she didn't want to say no when her boss told her they would increase her salary and give her residency while she was there. Besides, those terrible memories were almost ten years ago.

She was working the day it happened: a bus carrying children had gotten into an accident. Some were in critical condition, while others had escaped with minor injuries. She and a doctor had finished operating on a young girl.

“She might be here for a while,” one of the other nurses said. “Her father is out on a business trip.”

“Then, who’s that in the room with her?”

“Their nanny and her brother.”

"I didn't know who their father was that time," she says.

"As someone as horrible as he is, it's hard to believe he hired a nanny to look after the kids that came out of the affair."

"Oh, trust me, you aren't the only one. But I knew he had to have a reason, knowing the kind of person he is."

"...Perhaps it was because of the relationship with his brother," you say, thinking out loud. "He'd have children to pass his inheritance down to rather than giving it to his brother, I suppose." A pause. "How did you find out?"

“...Dad!”

She was taking Stelle's blood pressure when she saw a man walk in, and her face immediately fell. It took the man a minute, but his expression soon mimicked hers.

“Your daughter’s been recovering well.”

Silence.

Stelle looked from her father to the nurse. “She’s been keeping me company.”

He stiffened. “Has she?”

After finishing her tasks, she walked out, not expecting him to follow her into the hallway. She stopped a short distance away from Stelle’s room.

She turned and frowned. “What do you want?”

“What are you… What are you doing here?”

"...Crazy how small the world is," you mutter.

"I knew what he really wanted to ask… Did I know he had a daughter, and did I do anything to her?" A pause. "If it was you, would you have done something? It's not like anyone would know."

"Children are innocent," you say. "I firmly believe that karma will always get you one way or another."

“I guess you’re right. Look where he and his children ended up.”

“I’m sure you told your brother about all of this. And… He still wanted to work with the brother of the man who hurt you so badly?”

“My brother kept telling me it’s not the same person, and everyone is different.”

The statement almost makes you shake your head in disappointment.

"I ended up just not caring," she continues. "It's not until later that they ran into problems that my brother told me what happened. I thought it was pointless for me to get involved since the man that I hated was gone anyway. What was the point? But"–she sighs—"I wanted some revenge, at least. I just wasn't expecting my brother to have something to hide."

“...So, you and your brother took back the lawsuit.”

"I just don't want to get involved with anyone from that family ever again."

“Did Caelus’s uncle ever reach out to you? He must’ve known that you and his brother were engaged.”

“He knew. But, reaching out wouldn’t help his case. What reason would he have?”

You hear a knock at the door and quickly look at the clock. It must be Jing Yuan.

"I just have one more question," you say, opening the door. Jing Yuan's standing on the porch. "What exactly caused the conflict between him and your brother?"

"Are you expecting me to go into specifics?"

"Whatever you're willing to tell me. During this time, Caelus was still alive. Whatever conflict that happened might have something to do with why Caelus killed himself.”

“...It was a recording.”

“...A recording?” Jing Yuan looks at you curiously. “Of a conversation?”

"It was a private conversation between him and my brother. He was obviously upset about it and scared that there was more without his knowledge."

You wouldn’t be surprised if it was used for blackmail. Perhaps whatever secrets her brother hid were recorded, meaning Caelus’s uncle knew about the skeletons in the closet. But what purpose was it for? And why?

After ending the call, Jing Yuan takes your hand. From the look on your face, he knows you’re onto something. “I take it you called that woman.”

“I got something out of it, but…”

“Raises more questions than answers?”

“Oh, goodness, how did you know?”

Jing Yuan pulls you close. “Call it a hunch.” After a quick kiss on the lips, he asks, “What is this about a recording?”

“Apparently, Caelus’s uncle recorded a private conversation between him and her brother. Her brother found out, and that was how their conflict started.”

“How interesting…”

“It was probably used as blackmail, but it doesn't look like it has anything to do with what happened to Caelus.”

You and Jing Yuan are walking out the door as he says, “I dug into the personal background of that director at Star Rails, and during that time, he just got promoted. It got me thinking if they had already known each other.”

“...Well, Caelus was still alive then,” you say, reaching Jing Yuan’s car. It quietly beeps once, and you walk to the passenger seat. As you get into the passenger seat, a thought hits you. “We theorized that Caelus’s uncle was the one who told him about the children that came out of the affair.”

Jing Yuan looks at you before starting the car. “We don’t know what was on the recording, but…”

You turn to him. “...It might’ve been recorded and used as evidence to the director that children came out of the affair. It wouldn’t be a stretch considering the woman is our missing fiancée.”

“Missing fiancée?”

“She was dating Caelus’s father when he cheated.” The brief surprise on his face makes you say, "Yeah, I know. It took me a moment, too.”

“This is getting crazier by the day,” he mutters.

◆◆◆

Jingliu had closed her gym for the day and instead called for a staff meeting to brainstorm ideas on increasing revenue.

“Why don’t we just rely on Jing Yuan?” someone asks.

Jingliu almost sighs as she looks around the room.

"Yeah. He runs a successful bed and breakfast, doesn't he? Why don't we have a partnership with him? Staying at his resort can get you 50% off here or something."

“Oh! What about an app?"

“We’re trying to save money not use more of it,” someone says flatly.

“...Say, didn’t some business people drop by before?” Everyone looks at Jingliu. “What was that about?”

Looking at the curious faces around the table, she figures there's no use hiding it. "...They were people interested in buying the gym."

“I guess you turned them down.”

"I did, which is why we're having this conversation right now. If I were to sell it, they'd get rid of all of you and all the hard work in building it to where it is now… We'll just be another cog in the wheel. The individuality… branding… the creativity… It'd be changed to suit their business model and needs.

"Some of you have been with me for years." Jingliu looks at the few faces around the room. "And some of you"—she looks at the younger staff—"are quite new. My point is that everyone has contributed to the gym's growth in the past. It wasn't through my efforts alone, but I want to keep this place running for as long as possible."

“...Is the situation that bad?”

“I’m getting a report of our latest financial results in just a few weeks,” she says. “Everything will be transparent.”

A young man scratches his head. "...Honestly, I never thought we'd run into problems with this place."

“Yeah… Everyone loves you, Jingliu.”

“Love isn’t enough to pay the bills, unfortunately,” she says. “We gotta improve.”

"Sounds like it would make a pretty good story if we did. Maybe we'll make front-page news or something."

When her phone buzzes, she pulls it out of her pocket. “...Excuse me,” she says. “I need to take this.” She steps out of the small conference room and answers the call from her father. “Dad, is something wrong?”

“I was at the bank today, and I saw a familiar face."

Oh, no.

She's hoping it's anyone but the person she's thinking about. Jingliu knows that her father and Caelus's uncle are acquaintances as her father had been in and out of Xianzhou until he finally retired and moved in with her since her mother had passed away.

“He’s back in town?” Her father asked at breakfast one day.

“...And under investigation,” Jingliu muttered, sitting across from her father with a plate full of food.

“Investigation?”

“Not an official one, but…”

Then, she told him about the suspicions about Caelus's uncle involving the death of his nephew.

“...Well, this is… I… this is unexpected.”

“I don’t know what they’re going to find… but if he did have something to do with it, people should know.” She glanced at him. “I think him being the person behind the offer is a good enough reason for me to reject it.”

Her father put his arms on the table. "...I hope you know I'm not here to tell you what to do." She slowly looked up. "Your decisions are often better than mine. Getting money for the surgery is one thing, but I also don't want you to mentally stay in a place that you've outgrown."

“I’m going to make this work,” she said firmly. “If I can’t, at least I’ll have no regrets.”

“He told me about the new offer he wants to make to you."

“Don’t tell me you were convinced,” she deadpans.

"I called to tell you that I won't allow it. I won't allow you to take any offers from him."

Jingliu laughs. “What happened to not telling me what to do?”

"He offered me money." Jingliu's smile instantly fades. "If I could convince you, he said he'll give me money."

“Their equipment is out-of-date. Their marketing and business practices are too traditional. Plus, by utilizing new technology—”

“I’m sorry,” Jingliu’s father said, frowning, “Did I ask for your opinion?”

“I’m only trying to help. As a father, I’m sure it’s not easy seeing your daughter’s business suffer, especially since you also have a stake in it, don’t you?”

"It doesn't sound like you have a plan."

“We’d work with her to iron out the details. I’m simply saying to face reality. Money is what can improve things.”

Jingliu’s father had a lot to say. But before giving this man a piece of his mind, he still needed an answer to this one question:

“Why are you so interested in her business?”

“It’s not her business as much as her we’re interested in. We’ll allow her a seat on the management team if she agrees to our deal.”

Allow?

“She’ll have access to so many more resources. The team is really interested in working with her. So, if you could help me convince her, I can compensate you.”

“Well, let me give you my wholehearted response…” Jingliu’s father walked up to him. “You can take your money, and get the hell out of my face.”

“Well said. Good job, Dad.”

“I called to let you know in case he tries to tell you differently,” her father says.

"Who knows?" she mutters. "I never saw him again, nor did he contact me after Dan Heng and I saw him at the restaurant."

“...You still need to tell me about that.”

“About what?”

“What’s going on between you and Dan Heng? Have you… Have you always been interested in younger men?”

Jingliu’s face turns warm, and she calmly says, “We’re…”

“Take it easy. No need to rush.” She could see the smile on his face. “But, I still want a proper introduction.”

◆◆◆

You aren’t sure what to think when Jing Yuan tells you to close your eyes. You're at his place, and he'd gone in first. He's blocking your path as you look at him skeptically.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going kill you.”

“That never crossed my mind,” you say. “But since you mentioned it, I’m even more suspicious.”

He puts his hands on your shoulders and leans forward. “...Just trust me.”

You hold his stare for a few seconds before finally closing your eyes. Then, you feel him take your hand and slowly lead you into the living room.

“Can I open my eyes now?”

“Not yet.”

His hands are on your shoulders, and he gently pushes you down until you’re sitting on the sofa.

“Okay. Now.”

A mini, two-tiered, pink-shaded, ombre cake sits on a small, elevated gold stand. What surprises you is that it's perfectly smooth. Large, round white sprinkles are spread evenly around, and fresh roses are used as a topper that spirals downwards.

“...What do you think?”

"Wow! Genuinely impressed. How long did this take you?"

"A while. I've baked before, but it was my first time doing shading like this."

You pick up a small fork off of one of the plates. “Well, let the judging begin.”

You don't know, but Jing Yuan's anxiously awaiting your reaction after seeing you take that first bite. While he's usually confident with his cooking, his heart races out of nervousness. You put the fork back on the plate.

“Not too sweet and not too bland.” You go for another bite. “I love it!”

Jing Yuan kisses your head. “I’m glad.”

You hand him a fork. “I don’t want to be the only one eating.”

Jing Yuan tilts your head towards him and steals a kiss. “...I’m in the mood for something other than cake.”

Your heart races, and you almost drop the fork. But then, you quickly turn to the cake and ask, “Did you always have a talent for cooking?"

Pom ran into a small kitchen, his face pale and eyes wide. "Is there a fire? Oh, my God!"

"Everything's"—Jing Yuan coughs—"Everything's okay, Pom." Then, Jing Yuan quickly reached up and turned off the blaring fire alarm that went off because of the smoke.

Pom shook his head. “You may have the looks and the brains, Boss, but you have no gift for cooking. Who sets off a fire alarm while cooking fried dumplings?”

"Keep talking, Pom, and it's not just the fried dumplings going up in flames."

“Eep! I’m sorry!"

"Laugh all you want," Jing Yuan says, taking a bite of his cake and looking at you who's biting back a smile. "I’m over it now.”

Instead, you take a small breath. “Well, you came a long way. But, how was that transition? You were at a desk job, and suddenly you're cooking, cleaning, planning, and doing all sorts of things."

“It was tough, but I had to learn. It wasn't all just for the business."

“I guess it was also because of Yanqing.”

Jing Yuan nods. “When you’re doing something for someone you love, even if you don’t like it, it makes it easier.”

“...And you’ll do it seriously.”

“That’s right.” Jing Yuan puts his fork down. “...What are you going to do after this whole situation with Star Rails?”

“Where is this coming from?”

Jing Yuan takes your hand. “It’s a conversation we’ll have to have sooner or later. I’m just curious.”

“...If all of our speculations are true, I don’t want to go back. I’d want to expose everything they’ve done, and…” Jing Yuan waits for you to continue. “...Maybe try something new.”

“It sounds like you have something in mind.”

“It’s really crazy.”

"Could it be crazier than setting off a fire alarm by cooking fried dumplings?"

“Xianzhou doesn’t have an established news station, right? Well… What if… A big what if… What if I start an independent publication?” You sigh. “Or maybe that’s too ambitious.”

“Really? After all the digging you’ve done on Caelus and his uncle, you don’t call yourself ambitious?”

You lean back. “Yeah, but this is kinda different.”

“Do you know why the last news station didn’t work out?”

“You said it was because they were too much like a tabloid.”

"Exactly. Of course, there will always be an audience for that. But, no one bothered with proper reporting, something I think you'd do really well. By doing things properly and diligently, I think that's the best way to win an audience. There's always a reward for hard work." You lean your head on his shoulder. "...I would also love it if you could stay here." You look up and see him looking down at you. "But whatever you choose, I'll support you."

He leans closer… closer… but you’re the one who closes the gap.

His hand goes behind your head, drawing you closer while deepening the kiss, and he savours every taste. He brushes your hair behind your ear, and the sofa slightly creaks when you move onto his lap. He draws a soft moan as he kisses you faster, harder, as if knowing he has limited time. His light touches move up and down your back, fueling your desire that knows no bounds. You want him. You need him. And just as you slowly roll your hips forward, a phone goes off.

Your face is flushed. His face is flushed. You're staring at each other, coming down from the high your lips took each other on. Your hands are close to the buttons of his shirt.

So close yet so far.

“...Are you going to get that?” you ask, glancing at his phone on the table.

His lips find your neck, and his light, butterfly kisses leave a hot trail to your collarbone.

“...I probably should.”

You almost pin him against the sofa but think otherwise. You're about to get off his lap, but his arm snakes around you, holding you in place. He reaches over and picks up his phone. With a little mischievous look in your direction, he answers it. You almost gasp when you feel his hand slide up and down your back and underneath your shirt. You quickly turn to him, and he’s holding back a chuckle.

You’re about to get revenge when you suddenly hear, “Dad!”

Jing Yuan stops. “Yanqing?” He looks at his watch as you move onto the sofa. “There’s still an hour before I have to pick you up.”

You're finishing the rest of your cake as Jing Yuan talks with his son on the phone. But as soon as he ends it, another call comes in. You recognize Pom's voice on the other line despite not making out what he's saying.

“Is everything okay?” you ask once Jing Yuan is off the line.

“Everything’s fine.” He kisses your head. “There’s a complaint I have to resolve.”

“What about Yanqing? Is he okay?”

"He said they're taking a group photo, and some parents are there. He wanted to see if I could drop by."

"I can go. Maybe you can drop me off on the way to your big boy job."

“I’ll head over as soon as I can.” You walk past him with the empty plates, but he stops you by putting his hand on yours, tilts your head towards him, and kisses you. By the time he breaks apart, the plates are in his hands. “...Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

“Me? What did I do?” You lightly jab his chest. “I should be saying that, Mister. You were being way too bold.”

“Was I?” He chuckles. “Well, let me tone it down a bit next time.” With a small pout, you look off to the side. “Unless someone doesn’t want me to.” You dare to look back, and it’s that little teasing smile that makes you want to hit him.

◆◆◆

You’re standing on a porch and a woman who looks about the same age as you opens the door. Her short white dress with blue and gold details stands out against her gray eyes and long gray hair. She looks confused—at first—until it hits her.

“Yanqing’s mother,” she says. “Jing Yuan’s woman.”

You don't expect to be addressed like that, but you say, "Yeah, that's one way of putting it." Then, you introduce yourself.

The gray-haired woman extends a hand to you. “Nice to meet you. I’m Bronya, Clara’s mother.”

“Then… You must be Seele’s woman.”

She chuckles. “Pretty much.”

She lets you into the house and leads you to the living room, where you hear laughter, screams, and muffled conversations from the backyard.

“Oh, hello!” Seele is carrying a food plate when she greets you. “We heard from Yanqing that you’d be dropping by.”

“Anything I can do to help?” you ask, looking outside at the lively atmosphere. “Looks like you got your hands full.”

“Nah. Appreciate it, though. All we need is your presence. Hoping Jing Yuan can also make it."

You follow Bronya and Seele to the backyard, and as soon as Yanqing sees you, he jumps off the bouncy castle and runs to you.

“Mom!”

Clara follows him and says, "Hi again."

"Happy birthday, Clara," you say, hugging her.

"Thank you!"

You see some of the kids looking at you curiously. One of them walks up to you. “Is she your mom, Yanqing?”

"Yeah!"

“My, does this mean Jing Yuan is getting married again?” a woman asks.

It’s then you realize that all the parents here are women.

"He was quite the bachelor," another one says.

“Say… Do you know what happened between him and his ex?”

You're taken aback at the question, but before you can say anything, Bronya claps her hands. "Let's get ready for that photo everyone wants, shall we?"

"Aw… I was hoping to see Jing Yuan or Blade," you hear someone mutter, though it doesn't sit well with you, knowing it came from one of the moms.

After posing for the photo, you're about to grab a snack with Yanqing when your phone goes off. At first, you think it's from Jing Yuan, so you quickly pull it out of your pocket. But when it's an unknown number, you almost slip it back into your pocket until you step to the side to take it out of curiosity.

“Hello?”

“Hello.” You recognize the voice. And when the man says your name, your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. Maybe you should’ve seen it coming. But you aren’t prepared. Not yet, at least. Because…

What in the world does Caelus’s uncle want with you?

Chapter 19

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @immahuman @queencybow @grimreapersscythe @nqctre @winterpein @asakenajustexistshere

#jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x you #jing yuan x y/n #jingyuan x you #jingyuan x reader #hsr jing yuan

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tiishearts · 2 years

Text

when they like you

☆ fluff, i say damn once, drabbles/senarios

keeho

- is always trying to impress u

- veryyyy clingy

- texts u 24/7

- will tell u about everything hes done since u last spoke

- when he first realizes he likes u he becomes shy around u 😭

- never shuts up about u

- tons of cheesy pick up lines

- "are u a parking ticket? bcs u have fine written all over u"

theo

- always has to be touching u in some way

- rants to the members abt how amazing u are

- he smiles around you much more than anyone else

- teases you a lot

- tries to compliment u but can never seem to do it right (ex: you look- uhm- yeah)

- he doesnt rlly care what ppl think of him unless its you

- like the entire world can hate his hair but if u r even like "you would look so good in blue" his hair appt is literally being scedueled at that moment.

- is literally the last person to find out that he likes u

jiung

- smiles so damn much when around you

- quiet around u bcs he loves listening to u talk and never wants to interupt u

- will help you with everything and anything (ex: studying, cleaning, tying a shoe)

- will notice even the slightest change in your mood

- makes sure you take good care of yourself

- when hes teaching something he tends to get annoyed easily but never gets annoyed with you

- sweetest man ever 💔

intak

- tries so hard to seem cool in front of u

- BOLD ASF

- winking at u 24/7

- talks and talks and talks and talks

- constant selfies being sent to u

- but lets all be honest rn...boy has zero game

- he is so shameless and confident but sooo awkward

- IF HE FIRST MEETS U LIKE IN PUBLIC HE FS MAKES KEEHO ASK FOR UR NUMBER INSTEAD OF DOING IT HIMSELF

soul

- gifts you random things

- makes excuses to touch you in some way

- "omg ur hands are so cold! lemme warm them up"

- loves talking abt his hobbies w u

- has random moments where hes super bold

- hugs.

- will bring you up at any chance he gets

- "omg is that a cactus? y/n loves those!" "omg is that pink? y/n loves pink" "wait do you know what this reminds me of? that one time i was with y/n and they..."

- poor bby jongseob is typically the one that has to listen to him

- "omg i know that book! y/-" "y/n has it. i know. you tell me every time i read it."

jongseob

- if you even mention that you are interested in something this boy will reasarch all night about it

- super shy but is always around you

- always has his eye smile around u

-has an entire folder of picures hes taken of u (BUT NOT IN A CREEPY WAY LMAO HES JS A PHOTOGRAPHER)

- he asks the other members for advice

- "so my friend, jo? he likes this person but he doesnt know how to tell if they like him back." "who's jo?" "uhm..."

- he rants to you about the book hes reading

- rambles a lot

#jiung #p1harmony #kpop #p1h jongseob #p1harmony scenarios #p1harmony reactions #p1h fluff #p1h soul #p1h jiung #p1h x reader #p1h intak #p1h keeho

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subtle-as-an-earthquake · 6 months

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phew, ok gonna just ramble for a minute! for the last couple of days i've been getting so caught up in my milex feelings and the letdown after the anticipation that i almost forgot to be properly excited for this trip 🙈 but now that i'm actually in dublin, after listening to arctic monkeys and miles tunes on the flight and getting hyped about seeing my one of my best irl friends from london again for the first time since june, it's much easier for me to put things in perspective, thank goodness!! i'd have kicked myself later if i spent my time here moping (which i've kind of been doing these past two days) instead of being excited about getting to see my all time favourite band play again (twice!!) AND with miles as well, and just have a fun trip with my friends in dublin (even though it'll be raining cats and dogs, but we'll be in the pub most of the time anyway 🍻)

after the london gig in june i really thought that was it for a couple of years, so to have been given this extra opportunity to see them again so soon is insane and an absolute blessing. i'm SO fucking excited, i can't even tell you 😭 these will be my 8th and 9th arctic monkeys gigs to date, and i'm still just as hyped as i was 10 years ago, and i think that's worth reflecting on for a minute ❤️

i'm putting some more musings about the milex situation under the cut for anyone who might be interested in a different perspective, but mostly it's just for me, to be able to untangle the mess that my mind has been in these past few days. also, please know that i'm definitely not trying to invalidate anyone's concerns or diminish anyone's feelings, because lord knows i've been feeling all the things the past few days and all those feelings are very (very) real!

i guess what i just keep coming back to is the fact that arctic monkeys (or alex, really, lbr) asked miles to be the support for these four dates when they absolutely didn't have to do that, and that if there was any bad blood between them then they totally could've asked anyone else. but they didn't, they asked miles! and miles agreed! it's much more likely that the fact that they're not playing together is due to logistics (with the orchestra and limited rehearsal time) and wanting to highlight miles's new album than any personal reasons tbh. they're professionals doing their jobs first and foremost, and while obviously we'd love a display of sentimentality, if that doesn't fit the show for whatever reason then it makes sense they don't give us that. i'm sure it's all been discussed and agreed on between them, and that they're doing perfectly fine behind the scenes. it's true that miles shows us a lot of himself, but alex and the other boys do not, so it also makes sense to me that what miles shares about them/their interactions with him is limited too, much as i'd love to see him gush about them and post bts footage. i always find that i get easily swept up in emotions and conjecture when i'm watching things unfold from a distance, through the tumblr/fandom lens, but i forget sometimes that that is a heavily coloured lens, and that real life is often very different, despite what social media etc. may seem to show. and for me personally, i've noticed that sometimes it's really good to break out of the bubble for a bit and see things from a different perspective, so i'm glad i was able to do that before my shows!

also, on a side note, i've seen some people being disappointed that alex didn't dedicate bodypaint to miles but just gave him a shoutout, but to me the distinction doesn't matter too much. he mentioned miles when he didn't have to, and miles stayed to watch the boys do their thing after his own set, and he didn't have to do that either if he wasn't feeling it. the fact is that recently there have been more and more signs that our boys are actually growing closer again than they seemingly have been for a few years, and while obviously i just want them to give us everything and announce a tlsp reunion and also profess their undying love for each other while they're at it, maybe their doing what they can right now, and they just need a bit more time to get to where they once were. we all need time to heal, or something like that, anyway. i obviously don't know anything, but this possiblity seems just as if not more likely to me than the other option (which would be that any of this is a sign they're growing further apart, instead), so i'm good with that for the moment.

anyway, this is just me talking to myself on the plane and creating some perspective for myself, but maybe someone else might find it helpful too, who knows. in any case, i'm going to do my best to enjoy it all to the fullest!! and while obviously getting to see them do something together would be brilliant, it would just be the cherry on an otherwise already really fucking delicious cake ❤️

#i know nobody probably cares about my ramblings but it felt good to get it out ❤️#arctic monkeys #alex turner #miles kane #milex #minnie talks

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misc-obeyme · 19 days

Note

idk about anyone else but i always love crack ships and ships in general, i can always appreciate other ships, even if they're not my otp. It just means more content to enjoy!

Luci and Solomon would be fun as a pairing i think. If I had a crack ship, it'd be Solomon and Mammon. I don't know if they've had any moments at all together. Maybe one.

But Solomon has been steadily climbing up my favorites list on the ladder since nightbringer. Though he'll never take Mammon's place for number one lol. But I like to imagine them both with my mc.

I can imagine Mammon accidentally getting his hands on a really rare spell book and instead of selling it, gifting it to the two of them with the excuse that he couldn't get any offers for it (he is lying and it's obvious from his blush)

Or Solomon coming across a rare item he forgot about and gifting it to Mammon because he thinks he'd like it. Or digging through his collection for something he's willing to part with to help Mammon with debt, saying something about needing to get rid of it is all.

and after writing these little blurbs i will be thinking about these dummies a lot more, it is no longer an 'if' i think. new ship and new ot3 ig akskfj

okay I'm done rambling LMAO thank you for your time

- ✨ anon

Okay, yes, I absolutely love crackships. I can also appreciate other ships, I have no problem with any of that at all. I say people should ship whoever they like.

While I always write x reader, I actually have quite a few Obey Me ships that I like. DiaLuci of course which I actually did write a little story for per a request I received. Those two are just so obvious, how can you not ship it, right? I'm also fond of SoloSim because I think those two have an interesting dynamic. And of course there's SimeBarb which is also just really cute. I'm down with BarBeel and Solodeus too though to a lesser extent. And while I never really considered it before, apparently there is also Diavolo/Belphie (sorry I don't know their ship name lol), which is not something I thought of, but I don't dislike it!

My favorite crackship is absolutely SoloLuci. I love their relationship already, it's so funny to me, and I just can't help but enjoy the idea of them actually ending up together because it would be even funnier to me. Like I could write whole stories about them.

My other big crackship is Mammon/Barbatos. (BarbMam??) Again, I just find this to be absolutely hilarious. I could write whole stories about them, too, and I'd be laughing the whole time lol.

Okay one last crackship from me that I think would be fun is Diavolo/Asmodeus. Because listen, Asmo would be so into being queen lololol. And I just think it'd make Lucifer so mad, too. I'm sorry I just think it's so funny I can't help myself.

Of course, any and all of these become a little less crazy if MC is involved, but I generally consider these ships without MC. I did write that little blurb about a Solomon/MC/Lucifer threesome, but I generally like to think of them without MC because that just makes it so much funnier to me.

I love your description of a Solomon/MC/Mammon throuple situation, though. I always felt like Mammon didn't like Solomon lol but yo neither does Lucifer so. But I think with an MC that they both love and care for to kind of initiate the necessity of them being in close proximity and getting along... yeah, I could see all of the things you describe happening.

That'd be super adorable, now I'm just imagining them starting a little trio band and calling it MC and the Mons. (I'm so sorry.)

Anyway, I love your new ot3 I hope they bring you much joy!!

#I just think it's fun to look at different ships that maybe aren't as obvious #especially if I can kind of come up with a story where they end up together #because it's all just me making stuff up lol #obey me #obey me crackships #obey me nightbringer #✨ anon #misc answers

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ethicaltreatmentofcowplants · 2 months

Text

Now now, Geoffrey, she's much nicer than anyone you live with...

Serenity's skills after Week One:

KNITTING 6 PAINTING 4 CHARIMSA 3 COOKING 2 GARDENING 2 ENTREPRENEUR 2

Also unlocked the INSPIRED EXPLORER trait, which will help her build up skills - and grab some more collectibles (her main means of making simoleons). The GEEK trait is actually so good for that, who knew? Not me. Just add that to FREEGAN my next Rag to Riches challenge and I'll be set in no time.

Cheats Used:

1. FreeRealEstate to buy an empty lot in Brindleton Bay. 2. Aspirational cheat because the last on the second stage ('Knit While Listening To Music') wasn't getting checked off, even though Serenity did it.

(Picture of the updated house + some ramblings below).

Okay, I admit it. SEASONS, I've underestimated you for far too long.

Previously I've advised people that if they can only choose one expansion pack, get CATS & DOGS - because pets! Why not pets? Also new world! Buut adding seasons, holidays and the variety in harvestables makes the game feel so cyclic and really like the passage of time is a thing.

While I personally would still pick pets, I have to concede that SEASONS simply gives you more to do. If you're not all that into animals and won't pursue the vet career, I can see it being kind of niche, even though to me it's still an essential.

And while Brindleton Bay is gorgeous, the two base game worlds (I don't count Newcrest) still give you a lot of explorable areas and interesting NPCs - and other than being set in New England rather than the US South, it isn't vastly different in feel. The only NPCs from CATS & DOGS that really stand out are the Heckings (because d'aww) and Catarina Lynx - although not in a good way (such a lazy stereotype, EA). When you compare that to CITY LIVING and COTTAGE LIVING (the Crumplebottoms, everyone!), both those packs give you more colourful characters - and a world that feels more like a community, imo.

PARENTHOOD is essential for family gameplay. In terms of build it has surprisingly good items (including a kitchen set, and usually base game kitchens are the bane of my existence) and the CAS will actually make your teenagers look as such. Parenting is also a skill that allows your Sim to directly influence your spawn's behavior and while sometimes (as with the Sims game mechanics as a whole) the phases can be Extra, they are also hilarious. Plus children and teens have the opportunity to earn bonus traits when aged up (good manners, responsible etc) which otherwise can't be acquired.

NIFTY KNITTING in my opinion had the best gameplay mechanic out of all the stuff packs (although PARANORMAL with mediumship and the new investigator role is also solid). And it even gives you a whole new aspiration! There are so many items you can unlock only through knitting, Sims with a decent skill level can teach others how to knit and it also helps children build up their motor skill. It also unlocks Plopsy as a means to make money. Yeah, it is kind of frustrating that much in CAS particularly is locked initially, but to me that means increased playability.

So yeah, obviously personal taste and what you're interested in playing varies a lot from one Simmer to another. But if you are a new player (after trying the free BASE GAME beforehand), I'd pick SEASONS, PARENTHOOD and NIFTY KNITTING. Please please wait for a sale - or if you just can't, grab the three of them in a bundle from the online store.

Finally I realised that the poll results aren't yet viewable to me - this should be exciting :D

#serenity merrythought #sims 4 packs #sims 4 packs review #sims 4 seasons #sims 4 cats & dogs #sims 4 parenthood #sims 4 nifty knitting

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danggirlronpa · 5 months

Note

Hiii. First off, I'm so sorry if this is annoying, but I. Have a lot of Nanamiki thoughts and thought you might like them? I was talking with a friend about them (he hasn't played danganronpa so he doesn't really know them but he was still super nice and listened to me ramble) and I realized that you may be interested in what I had to say about them?

First off, I think nanamiki is a lot more complex than what a lot of people make it out to be, in my opinion. She ship was first popularized by the optional scene in SDR2 where Chiaki and Mikan play video games together. It's a very cute scene, and I urge anyone who hasn't seen it to look it up, because it makes it clear that Mikan and Chiaki are friends, or at least have the potential to be friends, and the relationship is very positive and sweet on Chiaki's side. Nanamiki as a pairing got very popular in the komahina fandom back before DR3 came out (I can only really attest for about a year before DR3 came out, but this was very much the vibe I got) as a pairing to get Chiaki out of the way of komahina. Back before DR3, I saw a lot of double date fics with the two couples, and a lot of Komahina fics where they were a side pairing. They were, for the most part, regulated to "lesbian best friends of komahina", which, nowadays, ever since DR3, has seemed to be replaced with Soniaki and sometimes Tsumioda instead. Now, I like Soniaki, and I don't have anything against people who ship Tsumioda (even if it's not personally my cup of tea), but as a Nanamiki lover, I have noticed a fandom shift to favoring these ships just from my own observations. Which, good for people who like those ships! I just can't help but look back longingly on the Era where nanamiki was the standard wlw ship - even if that Era was rife with issues.

Even back then, you would be hard pressed to find any work that explored Nanamiki in depth that wasn't a one shot - and most if those one shots were plotless or near plotless fluff. This, to some degree, makes sense. Nanamiki's origin *was* plotless fluff - it was Chiaki showing Mikan a fun game and teaching her how to play. That's what the whole scene was, and that scene is the ships origin point. On works that did focus on nanamiki in depth, there was an emphasis on Chiaki comforting Mikan, which also makes sense, as that scene was Chiaki reaching out and being nice to Mikan. When I was young/a teenager, I also wrote fics similar- with Chiaki reaching out to Mikan, and helping her overcome her trauma.

However, now that I'm older, I look back on what a lot of these fics were (including my own), and I find myself somewhat discontent with the state of them. I feel a lot of these works fall into woobifying Mikan, and having Chiaki putting all the work and effort into "fixing" Mikan and her life. Oftentimes, there's no discussion about Chiaki's wants or needs, and those go unaddressed. It doesn't feel balanced, like a give and take dynamic, but instead like Chiaki is putting so much into the relationship and getting none of her needs met. A lot of times, there's not even fleshed out reasons why Chiaki would be dating Mikan - what she gets out of it, not just what she provides. Now, arguably, this is because most stories involving them are one shots - there just isn't time to explore both of them in depth, and its only a snapshot of their relationship. But even with that, there is an overabundance of Chiaki taking care of Mikan with oftentimes little to no indication that she does the same. I think this is partially because a lot of people are primed to see relationships as "what can this person do for me?" and not "what can we do for each other?" A lot of times, the dynamics aren't mutual and balanced. To be fair, life is messy in real life - sometimes one person is going to be putting in more work than the other one at the moment, but usually that is a temporary situation—and when they can, they reciprocate later. Relationships have their ups and downs. But I can't help but wish that we saw a more balanced dynamic between the two in fics, at least the fluffy ones.

But while I do acknowledge that the ship has fluffy origins, I am desperate for non-fluffy content. I think only having fluffy stuff does a disservice to the relationship - especially for Mikan. Mikan, in my opinion, is a very messy, traumatized person, and I don't like how a lot of people candy coat this in an attempt to write really fluffy relationship stuff (not just aimed at nanamiki works). Her trauma wouldn't just go away after getting in a relationship, and a relationship wouldn't just fix all her problems, either. Reducing her down to "crybaby who just needs love" misses the point of her character - while it's true she needs support, she can't just survive on one person, one relationship alone. She needs a support system, not (just) a girlfriend. In my opinion, Mikan would be a disaster in a relationship - and not just in a cute, insecure, shy way. Mikan has a lot of feelings and she feels them very violently, including love - she gets obsessive, is a chronic people pleaser, and threatens to break Hajime's legs in her island mode. Her whole motive for being a nurse is because she likes the power it gives her over her patients. This characterization, that she's a poor little baby who did nothing wrong and just needs real love to heal her, is a disservice to her character.

I want to see Mikan being complicated. I want to see her having maladaptive and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I want her to be messy. That's what I love about her character- that she is a deeply, truly traumatized person who is sometimes awful and sometimes a wreck of a person, but despite that, she's a victim. Despite that, she deserve to heal - or maybe because of that. Mikan is very much informed by her trauma, in a very unhealthy way, but she is still, ultimately, a person who needed help and didn't get it. She is a person society failed.

She didn't just need a lover. She needed a support system, she needed people to constantly stand up for her, constantly love her, support her—she needed people to not hurt her in the first place.

Sorry, I got pretty passionate about that. My point is, I wish there was more complicated Nanamiki - Nanamiki that addresses Chiaki's needs, Nanamiki that addresses Mikan's dark sides, Nanamiki that is complicated and messy.

I think, too, that DR3 (while having a lot of things I didn't like) had a compelling idea for Nanamiki (if I'm remembering right). Before Mikan pushes Chiaki into the hallway Chisa finds her, if I'm remembering right, Mikan talks about how everyone loves and admires Chiaki... and to me, she sounds jealous. Now that. That is interesting to me. I find that SO compelling - the idea that Mikan sees herself in Chiaki, and it infuriates her, because everyone loves and adores Chiaki and she feels like no one feels the same for her. Now, I have extrapolated a lot of feelings on Mikan's side from that short interaction, and maybe that's not the intent of canon, but honestly? I really like what I've extrapolated. With that in mind, there's even more you could headcanon about Mikan and Chiaki and their state of their relationship during the despair arc: Chiaki acts like she loves Mikan, but Mikan can't believe that, how could someone so loved like Chiaki love her? Maybe she even wants to test that love, test the limits of it, behave badly or hurt her to prove to herself that Chiaki never *really* loved her in the first place, that her "forgiveness" was fragile. (Think similar to the dynamic of dogbird by maddy, I guess?) Maybe she's jealous, so bitterly jealous, that people love Chiaki and no one loves her. Maybe she's secretly angry that Chiaki can get along with Hiyoko so well when she bullies her, and she's angry at herself for being angry, because isn't what Hiyoko does to her what she deserves? And yet Chiaki says she doesn't deserve that, yet at the same time is friends with someone who treats her like that... she's confused and hurt and internalizing all of it. I could go on.

I think, in DR3, it was a real missed opportunity to have the remnants turn on Chiaki slowly instead of being brainwashed. In a hypothetical AU, instead of being brainwashed, Junko turns them against her, or calls to question her love, makes them doubt her - and maybe that's not enough to get them to turn on her fully, but when she proposes a "test" of her hope in the form of a murder maze, they agree (Nagito first because he's all about testing hope and has faith in Chiaki, Mikan second because of her devotion to Junko—or reverse order, I'm not picky—and then everyone else reluctantly following). That isn't canon by any means, but it's the AU I tend to go with when I keep human Chiaki in my fanfic.

In that situation, Mikan becomes like a Judas figure. Actually, lower one's eyes (specifically trickles cover) portrays what I imagine Mikan would feel perfectly. Another song that really fits Nanamiki (imo) is lacy by Olivia Rodrigo. It talks about jealousy over and attraction to a girl you think is so perfect, which I think fits Mikan's side of this perfectly.

Even without the AU I made up, I think DR3 adds a layer of tragicness to nanamiki I don't see explored a lot! Which is sad. I mean, getting brainwashed to send your girlfriend to her death is prime angst potential. I would love even that to be explored (despite how I'm usually not a big fan of the brainwashing video in general). I want more angsty, doomed nanamiki. Even now, most stories are one shots focusing fluff, or ones where they woobify Mikan, or ones where the dynamic is unbalanced between Mikan and Chiaki, and in those fanfics, they hardly ever explore Chiaki. Which is so sad to me. All the multichapter fics I've seen only have nanamiki as a side pairing, too. I love Nanamiki (it might be my favorite DR f/f pairing ever!) and I would love for people to explore more sides of it!

Sorry for the long ask. I just have So Many Nanamiki thoughts.

As someone who wasn't around the fandom in 2013-era, this is SUCH an interesting read. It aligns with a lot of what I've rediscovered searching through for old art, especially searching for Nanamiki works.

I don't really have anything to add, which I hope is okay - this is just really cool on its own, and I don't have anything to add to it other than "YEAH!! YEAH"

#asks #anon #one of those that i sit on for a while because i want to say something smart but in the end im like. nope. not smart enough #gotta throw in the towel. you won this one anon. youre the smart one #talk to the mod #nanamiki #meta #mikan tsumiki #chiaki nanami #sdr2

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