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sundaysundaes · 3 years

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Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light

Lee Taeyong X Reader, feat. Haechan | Fluff, Best Friends to Lovers, Angst | Supernatural AU | 18k

Summary: You can only remember summer. Of the love you could never receive. Of the lips you could never truly taste. Of the warmth you could never take. And of a boy with smiles so soft, being consumed by the fireflies’ lights (strongly based on a beautiful Japanese animated movie called Hotarubi no Mori e)

Dear Taeyong,

I can only remember summer

Of the taste of the dry weather on our tongues

Of the songs the cicadas chanted behind our backs

Of the sunlight that bit through our skins

Of the summer dresses and cat masks we once had

I remember that twig of an oak tree between our hands

Separating you and me, life and death

That warm goodbye from your usually quiet lips

The way you said, “Until we meet next summer.”

And how I always truly, desperately, believed in it

You are the beautiful reality in my sleep

The blissful dream in my wake

I will see you again next summer

I miss you

***

Dear my love,

I can only love summer

Of faith that bloomed between us

Of loving smiles that shone when I glanced away

Of the longing distance we put between us

And the fireflies’ light that will soon consume me

I will wait for our late exchange of secret words

And next time, I will take your warm goodbye from your lips

“Until we meet on the next life, Taeyong,” you said

Yes, that’s true

Until we meet on the next life, my dear

Because of you, I have truly lived

Our summer will last for eternity

I love you

“Make sure you listen to your uncle, okay?” Your mother says in her motherly way just like how she usually does. “Do you have your handkerchief? Your ticket? A nice pair of shoes. Don’t zone out and miss your stop. You’re always clumsy like that.”

You straighten up with one bag slinging around your shoulder and another one hanging around your wrist. With a casual pair of flip-flops, a white sleeveless summer dress decorated with broderie details, and your lips curving upwards in a farewell smile, you respond, “Jeez, Mom. I’ve been going there every year. I’ll be fine. I’m taking off now, okay?”

Although your mother seems unsatisfied with your words, she lets her daughter kiss her cheek and waves her hand goodbye. As you take the first step out of your house, the sun quickly showers you with light that is hot enough to leave sunburn on your skin. The trip to the nearest bus stop will be nothing but exhausting, you’re sure of it. But it’s okay. It’s summer anyway. You always love summer.

The bus comes only a few minutes later after you arrived at the stop and dropped your heavy bags next to your feet. You take a seat on the right side of the bus, near the window. There are only three passengers on the vehicle aside from you—a man with a sweaty neck on the front row, and a mother cooling her half-sleepy child with her paper fan on the back seat. You smile a little to yourself. Everything seems normal, just like always.

You lay your head on the window, randomly staring at the trees and leaves getting blown by the wind, as the bus starts moving. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes, letting your memories come close and your thoughts fly back to him.

The first time you met Taeyong was when you were six.

***

Thirteen years ago, you were nothing but a lively little kid with short-cropped hair and choppy bangs. During a hot summer day, you got lost in the forest of the Mountain God, which was said to be where spirits lived. After running around searching for an exit, you became so tired; you couldn’t move a muscle. You ended up sitting under the shadows of the swaying tree branches and felt a little ticklish from the green grass that spread widely underneath your feet. You hugged your knees to your chest, gave your best to act strong but failing pathetically with every try. When you started crying from fear and loneliness, he appeared before you.

“Hey, Shorty!” A male’s voice resonating through the air made you gasp sharply. “Why are you crying?”

There was a boy, standing just a few meters away, with half of his body hidden behind a tree. His posture seemed a bit rigid as if he was nervous or shy for suddenly reaching out to you. The boy was noticeably taller, with a voice that sounded deeper than any boy you’d ever met before. But judging by the way he dressed—at his denim trousers that ended a few inches above his ankles, combined with a casual short-sleeved button-down white shirt and a red tee underneath it, he was probably still around eighteen.

What caught your attention was the cat mask he wore on his face. It wasn’t unusual—you had seen your friends wearing it a few times during the summer festival. The white mask had ears, whiskers, and big round black eyes that were continuously staring back at you with no emotion. The mask covered his entire face, but you could still see his hair. His hairstyle was normal—a little bit messy from the wind, with his strands ended a few centimeters above his neckline, but the color was odd. It was silvery white, almost like an old man’s.

“It’s…” You gaped, not caring about any of that fact at the moment. “It’s a person! I’m saved!” You claimed happily, standing on your feet with so much speed, it almost gave you a head rush. With your hands spreading in front of you, you frantically ran towards the boy with joyful tears in your eyes. “I’M FINALLY SAVEEEEEED!”

But with a quick reaction, the boy moved away before you could embrace him and you ended up landing face-first on the ground, with a handful of grass finding their way to stick themselves into your mouth.

“S-sorry,” the boy said apologetically but he didn’t move any closer to help you up. “You’re a human child, right? If a human touches me, I’ll disappear.”

Previously annoyed, you looked up at him with knitted eyebrows. “If a human?” You blinked twice in confusion. Your eyelashes were still a bit wet from the tears that were no longer falling. “You’re not human?”

A momentary silence came by before he formed an answer. “I’m…” He hesitated. “Something that lives in this forest.”

“Huh?” You unconsciously tilted your head before realization hit you like a train and you clapped your hands in glee. “Then, you’re one of the Spirits?” Another silence, and this time, the boy decided not to reply, so you tried again. “But… What do you mean by ‘disappear’?”

He stayed mute, his body standing still as if time just stopped. You couldn’t see the expression he had behind the mask so you wouldn’t know how he reacted. You could only see the flat emotion the cat mask was giving you as he continuously stared at you. If you weren’t a playful little girl with a naturally born cheery attitude, you would’ve found it creepy.

But instead, you found it rather amusing.

You reached out your little hand toward him, climbing back to your feet and when he moved away from your touch, you began to try harder. Every time the boy tried to escape, you laughed a bit louder, tried a bit better, and before you knew it, you ended up chasing him between the trees.

You ran after him, reaching out for him, closer, closer, closer—

Thunk!

You groaned in pain, covering your bruised forehead with both palms as you kneeled on the ground. You couldn’t believe he just hit you on the head with a twig!

“Y-you’re really not human after all…” You whimpered, rubbing your ache away. “No human would hit a child like that!”

When you began to sob a little from the pain, the boy sighed. “To disappear means to be obliterated,” he explained, slowly taking his eyes off you to face the sky instead, “That’s the spell that the Mountain God placed upon me. If I get touched by a human, then that’s the end.”

You had stopped crying by the time his sentences sank into your head. His previous action was really necessary, then, if he was truly in that condition. If you had kept on chasing him and he’d failed to avoid you, he would’ve disappeared. Now that you thought of it, you realized you nearly killed him with your antics.

“I’m…” Still sitting on the ground, you folded your knees underneath you and bowed down, overwhelmed with guilt. “I’m sorry…”

With an unreadable expression, the boy approached you and gently offered the wooden twig. “Here, Shorty,” he said, “Grab the other end.” When you gazed up at him, he was facing away. His posture seemed to give out a vibe that he was a bit embarrassed but you weren’t exactly sure of it. “You’re lost, aren’t you? I'll lead you out of the forest.”

You were surprised at first, both from his kindness and his features, because from that position, you could see the side of his face. His jawlines were sharp and prominent. The skin of his cheek was just as pale as the rest of his body. He was so white; it was almost ghastly.

You beamed at him. “You’re so nice! Thank you!” Moving by reflex, you began to run toward his arms again. The boy was screaming from being caught off guard, and you almost got him before—

Thunk!

You were stopped by another hard hit on the head.

“I’ve told you not to—” The boy was breathing hard with his body leaning forward and his hands clamped around his knees to steady his weight. “Don’t touch me.”

You were practically rolling on the grass to mute the aching you felt on your temple. “S-sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

The two of you walked next to each other with thirty centimeters long wooden twig between your hands. With every stride he took, you had to match it by doubling your steps. Your height difference was striking. It almost looked like you two were siblings—with him being the high school student older brother and you being his elementary school sister.

You were walking down some stone steps, tightening your grip around the twig to maintain your balance. There was a temple inside the forest, and that was the only way out. You usually followed that path to come back home but that day, you were having too much fun wandering around on your own that you forgot the way to find those tracks again.

There were abandoned Buddhist statues on the side of the stairs and the steps had some cracks on them even though they were made of stone. You could tell that the place would be too scary to walk alone when the night fell and the cicadas stopped singing. But right now, you couldn’t care much about it.

“It’s just like going on a date!” You chirped happily, jumping like the little girl that you were as you climbed down the steps. You hadn’t known how a date would feel like—after all, you were only six back then—but you had imagined it happening with a boy in your school, and this one fit your imagination well.

The boy had his free hand stuck inside his pocket. With a nonchalant voice, he replied, “Not a very romantic one, though.” And when you weren’t looking, he stole secret glances at you. Of course, with the mask still on, there wouldn’t be much of a difference, even if you had been looking.

“You aren’t afraid, are you?” he asked, and although you were surprised, you grinned at him.

“Of what?”

The boy seemed a bit hesitant before he answered, “Nevermind.”

You walked a few more steps until you finally arrived at the end of the stairs. The sun in the background was already setting, splashing orange tint to the previously blue sky. “If you go straight, you’ll hit the mountain path,” the boy said, standing under the simple wooden gate with no doors that indicated the entrance to the forest. And with his usual flat tone, he said, “Goodbye.”

“Are you always going to be here?” You questioned. “If I come back here, can we meet again?”

“This is the forest where the Mountain God and the Spirits live,” he answered matter of factly. “Set foot within and you’ll lose your way and be lost forever.” The wind was blowing, caressing his silvery-white hair and that made you stare in awe, memorizing how out of this world he seemed and wondering what kind of expression he displayed behind that mask. “You shouldn’t be here,” he finished. “That’s what the villagers say, right?”

That was true. It was, and you understood that, and yet, you just couldn’t wave this meeting away as if it never happened. Facing him a little bit better, you warmly smiled and introduced yourself. “I’d love to be your friend. Can you tell me your name?”

He didn’t say a word, just continued to stand in front of you with his cat mask staring back at your face. You waited… and waited… and even a second felt so long.

Those expressionless cat’s eyes kept staring back at you, making you feel somewhat woozy and embarrassed. It was as if you just asked something too personal. Perhaps he didn’t want you to know. Perhaps he didn’t want you to be attached to him. Perhaps he just wanted you to go away.

“U-umm…” Panicking, you took a step back, putting more distance between you. “Anyway, I’ll be back tomorrow with a thank-you present!” Just that, and I won’t come back if my presence bothers you so much. “B-bye!” You shouted, turning around on your heels and proceed to run from the tension that felt like cutting your skin open.

But then—

“It’s Taeyong.”

You stopped abruptly and turned around, but the boy was no longer in sight. His voice vanished without a trace, drowned by the wind.

But you heard it loud enough to put a permanent smile on your face that night.

Taeyong.

When you were walking by the fields that seemed more familiar, you were humming to yourself. It was until you heard your name being called that you stopped singing.

Your uncle was walking toward you with tattered breathing. Perhaps, he had been running around the village searching for you all day. “Uncle!” You greeted, grinning innocently as you ran toward his arms. “Uncle, I—”

“You stupid girl!” Your uncle landed a knock on your head before you could hug him and it was the third time you felt like your head was about to explode that day. “If you go into the forest on your own and get hurt, what are you going to do?!”

You finally began to realize that possibility and ended up crying as you ran to embrace him again. Your uncle let your tiny arms wind themselves around his waist and though he was still upset, he felt more relieved than anything. He patted your back and soon after you calmed down, you began to walk with your hands holding one another.

“Hey, Uncle.”

“Hmm?”

“Is it true that there are spirits living in that forest?”

“The Mountain God’s forest, huh? Who knows. That’s what they say,” he answered in an unusually serious demeanor. But when he started again, he had a tiny smile painted upon his lips. “When I was little, I wanted to meet the spirits so my friends and I often went into the forest. In the end, I never met any but I had the feeling I’d occasionally spot something from the corner of my eye. On summer nights, you could hear the sounds of the river coming from the forest. And now that I think about it, Hyori said she and her friends went and had fun at a summer festival in the forest. But there’s no way the villagers would’ve held a festival in the forest. So then, whose festival could it have been? It started this crazy story that they must’ve snuck into a festival for the spirits.”

The old man with a scruffy beard was laughing, his eyes glistening with the reminiscence of his childhood. “Man, that takes me back!” he exclaimed. “We were so stupid back when we were kids.” Then he laughed some more. You were only busy carving his story into your mind.

That night, you had trouble sleeping. The last words that Taeyong spoke to you were echoing in your head.

This is the forest where the Mountain God and the Spirits live. Set foot within and you’ll lose your way and be lost forever.

You understood that and yet…

***

“You came back,” Taeyong said, sitting at the end of the stone stairs where you parted ways the day before. He was wearing the same clothes, with the same cat mask on his face. “I didn’t think you’d really come back.”

You blinked your eyes, mouth slightly parted. The question ‘Was he waiting for me?’ ran through your mind. “You…”

The boy tilted his head, “Huh?”

“YOU WAITED FOR MEEEEE!” You screamed in excitement, running towards him in reflex with your arms reaching forward. The boy yelped in surprised then—

Thunk!

“You just don’t learn, do you?” Taeyong sighed, holding the same wooden twig he held on the previous day. Though the pain on the top of your head was throbbing, you chuckled, feeling your heart burst in warmth and joy.

“I was so happy, I just…” you giggled again. “Sorry.”

The boy leaped forward, approaching the spot where you were squatting down due to the pain. Taeyong pocketed both of his hands and threw his face to the side. “It’s a bit hot here. Shall we go somewhere cooler?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry,” he assured, climbing up the stairs even though he just hopped down from there. Perhaps he wanted to walk beside you? “I’ll walk you back again.”

Your lips broke into the biggest grin you had ever made in your six years of living. “Okay!”

You went inside the forest, walking next to one another with nothing but air between you. You wondered if Taeyong had decided to trust you now, or if he was just being polite. You offered him the vanilla ice cream you’d brought from your uncle’s shop and the two of you ate your ices in silence. But the thing was, the silence was never awkward. You knew by then that Taeyong wasn’t much of a talker, and you were already too happy for being able to spend your day not with just a new friend, but also your first Spirit friend. It felt surreal and exciting at the same time.

The deeper you went inside the forest, you found out that the trees were bigger, almost taking all of the blazing sunlight to themselves and left none for you and Taeyong to bask on. The wind felt soft on your skin, the scent of grass and blooming flowers filled the air.

Your smile never receded from view when you walked behind Taeyong. It was only when you noticed that something had been following you that you began to frown. “Hmm?” You were sure something was following you, but Taeyong was walking like everything was normal.

As you were about to dismiss the thought, a shadow crept along the ground, a layer of dark mist clouded your vision, then a voice, low but thunderous, spoke. “Taeyong.”

You froze, your fingers almost gripping at the end of Taeyong’s shirt. The shadow turned colossal, darker, and somehow, somehow, you could see it grinning eerily at you.

“Is that a human child?” the shadow asked in a reverberating voice. You could practically feel its eyes on your skin. “Can I eat her?”

You hastily moved to the side with your tiny steps, hiding behind Taeyong’s legs. The boy noticed your fear and he quickly set out a hand to let his opponent know that you were off-limit. “No,” he said, “She’s my friend.”

“Is that so?” The shadow’s voice reminded you of the sound of the dark grey clouds rumbling before the storm came to wash the earth. “Human child, please don’t touch Taeyong’s skin. If you do, I’ll eat you.”

You were so scared; you started to shiver all over. By the way you were clutching to his shirt, Taeyong realized that you were, indeed, only a vulnerable little girl, barely knew anything about the world and the secrets it held. “Hey—” But then he abruptly sneezed.

The Shadow suddenly shrieked in horror then there was a blast of smoke, making you jolt on your feet, tiny hairs standing up at your nape. When you managed to look between the mist with narrowed eyes, that shadowy figure turned into a cute little golden fox with nine furry tails and a pair of sparkling ruby eyes.

“Oh!” It was so tiny, you could probably hold it with both hands. “Is that a Spirit Fox?”

The Fox’s fur was standing up, perhaps it was startled by Taeyong’s sudden sneeze. It wasn’t even that loud—to be honest, Taeyong’s sneeze was much quieter than how your uncle used to do. To be frightened only because of that…

“Yeah, he’s another one of the Spirits. He transforms to scare people away, but he’s all bark and no bite,” Taeyong said, approaching the little golden fox that was hiding behind a tree with its body cowering to the ground. “Isn’t that right?” The boy bent down, grabbing the fox with both hands, and lifted it off the ground. “Haechannie?”

Puff!

There was another kind of explosion that clouded the forest with ash grey mist, and you coughed a couple of times before you gazed back to the Fox. It was no longer a fox—it was a person.

Taeyong was holding a boy’s waist with both hands just like how he did to the animal before and your jaw grew slack at the sight. The golden fox just turned into a human—a male, nonetheless—with golden hair and the same pair of ruby eyes that matched the blush that crept through his cheeks. His skin, you noticed, had a darker complexion but it complimented his looks so much as if he was kissed by the sun, smooth skin glistening under the light. He also had a pair of dog-like ears and a nice golden Foxtail that resembled his previous form. And although the color of his hair and eyes were striking, it didn’t startle you as much as the fact that the boy was naked.

You screamed, immediately turning around from the sight of the two boys facing each other with Taeyong’s hands still holding Haechan’s bare waist as if it was the most normal thing to do. You had your hands covering your face, feeling embarrassed since it was the first time you witnessed a naked boy’s body.

“It’s because you startled me,” Haechan whined, arms flailing as he blushed a bit deeper. “Now let go of me, Hyung.”

Taeyong sighed, taking his hands off the boy that appeared to be the same age as him—just a couple of years younger, maybe. He didn’t seem to be bothered by Haechan’s bare skin at all, though he looked tired of his antics. “Don’t bother her, okay? She’s a friend.” Taeyong pointed his head toward you squatting down on the ground with your back turned, face sinking into your palms. You could hear Taeyong telling him your name but Haechan snorted in response.

“I don’t care what her name is!” Haechan shouted, looking away from the other boy. “Why are you getting all chummy with her even though you just met!” The way he whined so childishly was the complete opposite of the way he talked in his monstrous shadow form earlier. “And she’s a human! What would you do if she touches you by accident?” With a prominent pout, Haechan added under his breath, “You’re such an idiot.”

With the cat mask staring flatly at him, Taeyong replied, “I can hear you, you know.”

“Ah, damn it!” Haechan groaned, giving the other boy a shove on his shoulder. “I won’t cry if you disappear, all right?! It will all be your fault! Taeyongie, you big idiot!” He quickly turned back into his animal form, nipped Taeyong’s finger with his pointy teeth, and climbed the tree with his little paws.

Taeyong yelped a little from the bite but more because of the shock instead of pain. “Haechannie!” he called, but the fox spirit never looked back, jumping from one branch to another until he disappeared behind the trees. The cat-masked boy huffed and walked back towards you. “He’s gone now,” Taeyong said, bending down a little to match your height. “I’m sorry if he scared you.”

You slowly sneaked a glance behind you, and it was true. Haechan was nowhere to be seen. It was then that you could finally grasp what just happened.

“It was so…” You clenched your tiny fists before you jumped and punched the air. “SO AWESOME! That was the first time I’ve seen a real spirit! Not quite like I imagined, and I wasn’t prepared to see a naked boy like that but wow, they really do exist!” And as you continued jumping happily on your feet, shouting, “Amazing! Amazing! So amazing!” Taeyong muttered, “So what did you think I was?” And without waiting for you to calm down, he walked again with his hands tucked neatly inside his pockets.

You eventually followed him with your usual lively grin. “Are you a no-face or something? Why are you wearing that mask?”

“No particular reason,” Taeyong answered, making you frown. Perhaps he hadn’t trusted you that much? “Never mind me. Tell me about yourself.”

Your eyes twinkled; your grin turned mischievous. “Are you curious?”

A pause, then, “That’s why I waited for you.”

You couldn’t suppress your laughter. He was waiting for you, after all.

So you told him about yourself, from the most important things to the littlest nonsenses that went through your mind. Taeyong listened to your words in silence, no comment, no reaction, not even giving the slightest hum. And since he was always wearing that cat mask on his face, there was no way of telling how he felt when he listened to your stories. Did he even pay any attention to you? Was he bored? Was it entertaining for him? Taeyong was a mystery you didn’t know how to solve.

The next day and the day after that, you went back to the forest again and again. You kept running and playing all around the mountain, just together with the boy who was probably, at least, twice your age. You managed to break through the walls he built around you, little by little. His quiet, reserved demeanor gradually turned into something warmer, though not as lively or chaotic as you were. He began to tell you his favorite spots in the forest; crafted little ships from long leaves so you could watch them float along the river streams; and grabbed your sun hat when it got blown away by the wind before they got caught between the branches of a willow tree.

You even got Taeyong to play tag with you. You would run away from him, and he would chase after you with a twig on his hand so he didn’t have to touch you directly when he said, “Tag, you’re it!” Taeyong’s favorite trick was pretending to fall on the ground and waited for you to come back with a worried face. You always did, but Taeyong still wouldn’t be able to catch you even after you fell for his trap because you were always much faster.

These mundane things you shared were special to both you and him. And even though they would most likely dissipate from your memories as you grow older, at that time you felt infinite.

***

One day, you were humming to yourself as you were busy collecting little flowers from the field while Taeyong was lying down on the grass with his mask-covered face facing the clouds. The sun was hot but the wind was nice. At the end of the day, it was comforting.

With a handmade bouquet between your tiny palms, you rose to your feet and ran to Taeyong’s spot, only to found the boy resting there with one hand lying idly on his stomach. You kneeled next to his head, facing him upside down. “Taeyong…” you murmured to yourself, gazing at his cat mask. “Did he fall asleep?”

Slowly, out of curiosity, you reached out a hand. You hesitated, but it would be okay if you only touched his mask, wouldn’t it? Swallowing hard, you decided to take your chance.

How does he look underneath that mask?

You placed your tiny palms on each side of his mask, and slowly, carefully, lifted it off his face. Your heart was racing, as if you were doing something sinful your heart forbid you to. You pulled it higher, and higher, until you could see his face, and for that moment, the time seemed to stop.

Despite his height, Taeyong had a young baby face with long eyelashes brushing the top of his cheeks. His eyes were closed and he looked so blissful, like a baby falling asleep in his mother’s arms. His skin was soft, flawless, but pale—almost transparent as the sun shone its light upon it. His nose was cute. He had curvy, thin lips, with two tiny moles faintly painting his lower one. His jawlines were sharper than Haechan’s, making him look mature, and the more you observed his features, the more you thought that, oh, he was indeed a boy.

A beautiful, beautiful boy.

You thought that Taeyong was unfair to hide such beauty from the world; to only let the world witness malice while he kept such purity inside the forest.

How young… How innocent…

Then Taeyong suddenly smirked and before you knew it, a pair of deep, dark brown eyes were staring back at you.

“Ah! SORRY!” You exclaimed, startled to the point that all your breath left your lungs at once. Panicking, you unintentionally slammed the mask down onto his face harder than you intended to.

Taeyong hissed in pain, holding his face over the mask, and turned to his side. “Attacking someone while they’re asleep like this,” he said, eventually moved up and sat down cross-legged on the grass. “You surely are a scary little lady.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” You looked away, muttering quietly. “You were pretending to sleep anyway, weren’t you?”

Taeyong paused for a second before he propped his elbow on his thigh and laid his chin on his palm. Somehow, you felt like he was smiling behind that mask. “I looked normal, didn’t I?” he asked, a bit playfully. This time, it was you who just sat quietly and stared back at him without a word.

“Taeyong… Why are you wearing that mask?”

He straightened up, voice sounding unusually soft when he spoke. “If I don’t wear this mask, I don’t look like a spirit, do I?” Surely with that mask on, Taeyong seemed less human. After all, that mask was designed after the Cat Spirit that was retold from time to time. But why? Why did he have to go that far? Was he scared that people would mistake him for a human and grabbed him accidentally without purpose?

You just sat in silence. Somehow, your chest tightened, as if you were drowning little by little. It was heartbreaking to know that Taeyong seemed like he didn’t have a choice. Maybe he wanted to throw that mask away. Maybe he wanted to be human—or at least, look like one. Maybe he wanted to be connected. To truly be alive. But then that would mean he had to risk everything…

And knowing how even days had passed by, you hadn’t seen anyone getting along with him other than you, Taeyong had probably never set a foot outside the forest either.

Is that why he seems so…

Lonely?

“You’re weird,” you said and you ended the topic just like that. Because if Taeyong didn’t want to tell, then you wouldn’t want to force the words out of his mouth.

Taeyong only chuckled.

***

“Taeyong.”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t think…” You stared sadly at your feet as you climbed down the stone steps that lead you back to the entrance gate. “I don’t think I can go back here tomorrow.”

Taeyong didn’t utter a word. Like usual, he just walked in front of you with his hands in his pockets and his mask pressed tightly against his face.

“I’ve told you before, haven’t I?” You continued. “That I’m just staying at my uncle’s place for the summer? So, I have to go home tomorrow…”

Taeyong just hummed once, to let you know that he was listening but did not intend to form a reply. You brought your head down, feeling disappointed. But why were you disappointed? You never felt like this when you said goodbye to your other friends before.

Taeyong stopped dead on his tracks. “Will you…” he said, turning his body slightly to face you but not quite. “Will you be able to come again next year?”

You stood still, your lips trembled slightly as if you were about to explode into words. Before you knew it, you felt your eyes grew a bit teary but you blinked your tears away before they fell and with a huge smile on your face, you merrily replied, “Yeah!” You had never felt so relieved.

And that was how summer became something you always looked forward to.

***

Every year, you came back and Taeyong always waited for your promised summer. You would find him sitting near the gate, on the stone stairs with his white cat mask placed upon his face. The two of you usually just did the same routines, lying lazily on the field of grass, eating ice creams as you crossed the wooden bridge, or throwing pebbles while dipping your bare feet into the water of the lake that was as clear as the sky.

“So cold!” You were turning eight that year, shouting as you plunged your bare feet into the water. Taeyong only let out a flat comment, “You’re weird. Of course the water is cold.” And although he sounded bored, you could tell that he was probably smiling behind his mask. After all, he could have just stayed silent about it, and yet he said something just to pull a reaction from you. You adored that part of him where he acted like he was fine being alone when in reality, there was nothing he craved more than someone’s attention.

Sometimes, when you walked too close to each other, a Spirit would show up in some form to revive the forgotten space between you. A lady wearing a snow-like kimono with flaming red hair once grabbed the side of his cheek and said with a pair of agonizing eyes, “Please be careful, Taeyong. We don’t want to lose you.”

A willow tree caressed his hair with its branch, pulling him by the neckline so he would distance himself away from you. The way its thick branch was shaped into a beast’s claw, clutching at Taeyong’s entire body was almost frightening, but there was only tenderness laced with concern when it spoke, “It’s dangerous, Taeyong. That’s a human child. If she touches you, you’ll disappear.”

“Thank you,” Taeyong always said, placing a reassuring hand on the tree’s claw. “I’m fine.” He sounded so sincere and absolute, leaving the Spirit Tree with no choice but to retract its claw from him.

“Please don’t touch him, human child,” the Spirit Tree said once again before it went back to its slumber. You could only answer, “Yes,” but to you, it was more than a promise. After all, you wouldn’t want Taeyong to disappear.

You couldn’t help but notice that other Spirits could touch him normally. You tried to put aside how your heart jerked with jealousy. You wouldn’t let your selfishness be the end of him.

Haechan was the one who showed up the most, appearing in his animal form to bite the end of your skirt and pulled you away from the other boy. He persistently yelled at you how your entire existence was a threat to him, making you realize that you were a weapon, designed by God to annihilate him and yet, Taeyong still waited for your visit every year. How could someone dare to take a risk like that?

Were you really worth all the trouble?

***

Every year, you waited for the summer to come. And before you knew it, you were already a ten-year-old girl. You grew taller, but your hair was still cut short with choppy bangs. Though you grew older, it didn’t mean your childish personality was wiped away.

“Hey,” Taeyong called, searching for you who were hiding somewhere in your sky blue summer dress through the holes of his cat-mask. “It’s dangerous to wander alone in the forest! Where are you—”

“SURPRISEEEED!” You shouted, dangling upside down from a tree branch with your legs circling it. Taeyong yelped, taking a step back in surprise from your sudden appearance. You were enjoying the moment, but before you could laugh about it, the end of your dress couldn’t fight the gravity so it fell covering your face. Your white panties were shown clearly for Taeyong’s eyes to see. “OH NO!” You quickly attempted to pull your dress back up and eventually, shifted your weight so you ended up sitting on the branch.

“What are you doing exactly?” Taeyong asked, not because you looked dumb but because he was genuinely interested in knowing. He always seemed to find your existence somewhat amusing.

You chuckled lightly. “I wanted to see your startled face but…” You forgot he was wearing his mask all the time so that was ultimately pointless. Taeyong just stared back, waiting because you looked like you wanted to say more. “You know, Taeyong… Can you at least take your mask off when I’m around? Once in a while is okay, right?”

Taeyong let a second pass. “Well, it’s fine but…” He placed his fingers at the end of his mask and slowly began to lift it off his face. “Is there a particular reason why?”

You observed him with anticipation. “Well, not really, but—” A cracking sound could be heard as the branch wasn’t strong enough to handle your weight, and with a shriek, you found yourself falling.

Calling your name, Taeyong ran towards you in reflex, arms out and ready to catch you. In a split second, as you fought to defy gravity, you could see his hands desperately trying to save you. Aside from the fear of falling, all you could think about was—

No.

Please, don’t.

Don’t touch me.

If you touch me, you’ll—

You fell head first on small bushes that were soft and safe enough for you to land on. You had landed on the ground before Taeyong could reach you and although you felt like you probably twisted your shoulder a little, you were more than fine.

“That was close…” Taeyong breathed out, his hands still hanging stiffly in the air.

“Y-yeah…” You felt slightly lightheaded as adrenaline faded away from your veins. You were in haze, body reclining against the bushes, grateful to be able to come unscathed.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong murmured, but from not being able to be there on time to catch you or because he had retracted his hands back in reflex when he nearly touched your skin, you weren’t sure. “Are you okay?”

You exchanged stares, letting a few seconds pass by in silence before you finally let out a weak chuckle. “Thank goodness.” When Taeyong asked you what you meant, you softly added, “No matter what happened, Taeyong, don’t ever touch me, okay?”

His lips were tightly shut as he approached your spot, but the gesture he made with his hands seemed like he wanted to comfort you. Why would he want to comfort me, you thought but soon enough, you found the answer.

Because when you spoke again, your words are tainted with your tears.

“Did you hear me?” You forced yourself to smile but once the first tear broke, the rest of them were unstoppable. You cried again, and again, and again, until your whole body trembled, chest suffocating. You tried to laugh it off, shakily saying, “No matter what, okay?” but the more you tried to pretend that it didn’t faze you when you almost erased his entire existence over your negligence, you sobbed even harder.

You finally understood why the Spirits didn’t want you to be close to him. It wasn’t because they didn’t trust you. It was because Taeyong was just too kind. Even if it meant he would be wiped off the earth, he wouldn’t mind as long as you were safe. The way he had run toward you with his arms reaching out to you was a proof of that. The Spirits probably thought that Taeyong would be obliterated someday not because you touched him, but because he tried to save you when something like this happened again.

No. I can’t afford that.

No matter what, please don’t touch me.

You didn’t want him to see this side of you. You didn’t want him to know that in a human world, sometimes pain could be so unbearable that all you could do was just fall to your knees and wish that someday you could stop crying and stand up again.

This ugly side of humanity… You didn’t want Taeyong to know…

But Taeyong never said a word.

***

The next summer and the summer after that, you continued to visit the forest to meet him.

“Taeyong! I’m here again this year!” You greeted, wearing your junior high school uniform with your skirt ending a few inches above your knees. Taeyong, dressed in the same way like he always did, was already there at the spot where he usually waited for you to arrive. “Ta-daa!” You twirled once for him, making your skirt flutter and your longer hair sway above your neckline. “I’ve become a seventh-grader now!”

As always, you couldn’t tell what kind of expression he had behind that mask, but Taeyong was indeed staring at you for a few seconds. “Somehow…” he began saying, “You’re starting to look like a girl.”

“I am a girl,” you replied, unconsciously pouting and Taeyong laughed a little in response. Even the way he laughed felt like summer to you—radiant and hot enough to light a spark of fire to your chest. Standing up, he stuck his hands inside his pockets, and climbed up the stairs. “Shall we go?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, then as you saw his figure, you began to realize. “Oh…”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.”

You just noticed that your ages were gradually getting closer. Unlike you, Taeyong didn’t age normally as any human would. Somehow, he aged much slower, maintaining his youth to stay perfectly the same from season to season. Your height was almost on the same par as Taeyong’s shoulders now. As the years went by, your appearance began to change, but Taeyong almost looked the same as the day you first met.

If this keeps on going… Maybe…

You stopped walking when you realized Taeyong wasn’t walking beside you anymore. You looked back, facing the sun that was setting behind the hill and the boy who stood with his face lifted to perceive the sky. There was a butterfly on Taeyong’s mask, just right on the cat’s nose and slowly, he began to take it off. Underneath the shadow of the mask, Taeyong was smiling, softly, gently, and he eventually brought his mask down to stare at the butterflies that flew through the branches of the trees.

He closed his eyes.

From where you were standing, Taeyong merely appeared like a silhouette but in your eyes, he was a painting worth being praised. A beautiful portrayal of a man who only knew bliss in his life with a pure smile that even God wouldn’t be able to resist its beauty.

It was probably the day when you realized the reason behind the ache in your chest.

Someday, I will be older than him, won’t I?

You didn’t know what would be more dreadful to face: Taeyong leaving you over an accidental touch, or you leaving Taeyong because of old age. After all, time is cruel. Time is responsible for the summers that come and go, for the leaves in autumn that shrivel, for the long and cold winters that made your teeth jittery. It’s amazing how you can fall asleep by listening to the sound of the rain and when you wake up, the sun is blazing once again and the roads are dry. It would be as if it never rained.

What if I become like that? You questioned yourself. What if for Taeyong, I’m just nothing more than a fleeting summer day?

With the two of you being bound by the chains of time, you knew that there would come a day where time would become your enemy.

You buried your thoughts deep inside your mind, and promised him, “I’ll come back here again tomorrow, okay?”

Taeyong opened his eyes, gazing back at you, and smiled that one breathtakingly beautiful smile. “Then I’ll be waiting as always.”

***

“Before our summer vacation started, a boy in my class asked me out,” you said, now fourteen, as you hugged your knees to your chest, making sure that your sky blue sleeveless summer dress was not showing the polkadot panties you wore underneath. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Taeyong didn’t respond, wasn’t sure how to. He just stared at you—blankly, by the look of his cat mask, and you curled your toes in the uncomfortable silence.

“Say something, will you?” you mumbled after a while, heat rushing to your cheeks.

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Well, that—” You opened your mouth but then nothing came out. What did that mean exactly? ‘To go out’? “Well, I mean, I think he wants me to date him… or something,” you finished terribly.

Taeyong hummed, lying down on the grass and folding his hands underneath his head to use them as his pillow. The leaves of the trees above him were doing a great job in providing the shades he needed. “Date, huh?”

There was something annoying about how Taeyong behave so nonchalantly like this, as if you were conversing about what you had for breakfast. But you noticed that it was weird of you to feel that way. Did you even have the right to be upset?

“What do you suppose they do?” Taeyong suddenly asked, snapping you out of your reverie.

“They?”

“People who are dating,” he explained further, his hands now moving to lay on his sides. “What do you think they do?”

You thought about it, looking up at the pillowy white clouds and feeling the wind that caressed your strands. “I don’t know,” you answered, throwing yourself to the grass again, next to Taeyong but remembering to put a safe distance between you. “Maybe go somewhere together, hold hands and stuff?”

Taeyong fell into another silence.

You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on the small gap between your pinky finger and his. You almost moved your hand closer, just a little bit, but then he lifted his arm and you nearly yelped in shock.

Taeyong took off his mask and placed it over his chest. His hand was now nowhere close to your smaller one. He had his eyes closed and from where you were lying on his side, you could see how long his eyelashes were, how they fluttered against his cheeks. Taeyong still looked so young, like a pure little boy with no idea how to sin, and perhaps that was because he never stepped a foot outside the forest. You envied his naivety but you also questioned how he truly felt for living a life monotonously like that. Even though he had Haechan and the rest of his Spirit friends here, was it really better for him to have no contact with humans?

Because sometimes… Taeyong looked so lonely.

The boy parted his lips. “Do you think they would kiss?”

If you had been drinking, you would’ve sprayed all of it on Taeyong’s face. “What?!”

“Those couples,” Taeyong elucidated, as if you were asking because you didn’t understand, when in reality you were just utterly embarrassed by it. “Do you think they kiss a lot?”

“What—” You almost bit your tongue. “Who even told you this stuff?! I thought you were supposed to live inside the forest!”

“I do, but it doesn’t mean I’m raised like Tarzan, you know.”

He even knows Tarzan! You wanted to scream. “Let me guess, Haechan?”

“Yeah.”

That perverted little fox! Of course he told him this stuff!

“Yeah, well, I think they do,” you sighed, lying down on the grass again with another huff. “I remember having this conversation with a friend. See, she has a boyfriend, and she told me that they were kissing the other day. I, just like now, didn’t know what to say.”

“You never kissed anyone before?”

Your face was aflame and it had nothing to do with the sun. “N-no…” Of course not! If I had done it, then—

“Why not?” Taeyong asked, staring at you with genuine curiosity. You promptly looked away, ignoring the question.

Because then you’d disappear, you idiot. But how could you tell Taeyong that? You didn't even know why you wanted to kiss him. When exactly did you start wanting it? When did you start looking at him differently?

“I just…” You absentmindedly played with the tip of the grass underneath your fingers. “…haven’t found the right person yet.” Actually, I have, but if I touch him, he’ll disappear so… “And there’s a difference, you know, between kissing someone because they’re attractive and kissing someone because, umm, w-words can no longer express the intense feelings you have for them.” You clear your throat, feeling a bit nauseous all of a sudden. “Even if I did go out with him, I can’t just kiss him because he’s cute. It’s not right.”

Taeyong’s eyes were following the clouds, which were somehow changing shapes from one to another. “A kiss, huh…” he mumbled, reaching out a hand toward the sky and spread his fingers widely as if he was about to seize the sun. “I wonder if humans are as warm as this.”

“As the sun?” You asked, laughing quietly. “I certainly hope not. That’d be scary.”

Taeyong only smiled, slowly averting his eyes to lock them with yours. But you’re already burning as bright though…

“What?” You asked when you saw him looking at you without saying anything. “Did Haechan draw something on my face again? I swear to God, it’s like I can’t even let my guard down for one sec—”

“Don’t kiss him,” Taeyong suddenly said, abruptly cutting the rest of your sentence short and leaving you gaping, loss for words. When silence came to fill the space, he tried to break through the tension. “I mean…” He scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Well, it’s your choice, but…”

Your heart warmed. “But…?”

Taeyong’s tongue laid heavy in his mouth and he quickly put his cat mask back on. “We’re too far inside the forest. We should be getting back now before it’s too late,” he sternly said, sitting up. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the gate.” And he stood up, placed his hands inside his pockets as always, and walked away without even waiting for you to get up.

You followed with a blissful smile breaking on your face.

“I won’t,” you said, loud enough for him to hear. “If you don’t want me to kiss him, I won’t.” Taeyong never said anything back.

But you noticed the way the tip of his ears went red.

***

Taeyong called your name. His voice, like always, sounded a little bit muffled from the mask. “Hey, I’m back. Too bad, I can’t find the—”

The sight of you in your favorite peach summer dress, sleeping soundly on the grass as if nothing could attack you at that moment, made him grow speechless. You had one arm lying down on your stomach, your lips were slightly parted as you fell deep into slumber, and Taeyong could see your chest heaving up and down slowly every time you breathed.

“Goodness,” he muttered, sighing. “This is a forest, you know? Moreover, it’s the forest where Spirits live. What would you do if they attack you?” Not that Taeyong actually thought that would happen—except for Haechan. That devilish fox could be pretty childish when he got jealous. Taeyong wouldn’t be surprised if he found him biting the edge of your dress again.

But, of course, you didn’t hear him. You had always been a heavy sleeper, even a clap of thunder could barely wake you up.

Taeyong huffed once more before he sat down next to you, taking a glance at the beauty marks on your face, at your bangs that had grown longer since your first visit two months ago, and at the lovely shape of your mouth. The way your lips seemed so soft and rosy, sparked curiosity and something within him that he couldn’t properly name, as he didn’t quite understand the feeling just yet.

Pressing one palm to the grass to prop his weight, Taeyong took off his mask. His silvery-white hair fell covering his hooded eyes but the soft wind blew it away. He leaned over, almost hovering above you by the time he laid his other palm on the other side of your head. Releasing a shaky breath, he brought his face down to yours.

I’m… Towards you, I’ve been…

Close. So close. Taeyong could even count your eyelashes if he wanted. You were breathing softly, warm air flowing from your slightly parted lips. Taeyong wanted to seal them with his own.

“Taeyong?”

Taeyong blinked, freezing on the spot. You were awake, staring at him with your eyes still slightly red from sleep. “Taeyong, what are you doing…?”

Taeyong only stared at you, eyes to eyes with such close proximity. He could tell how nervous you were, no matter how hard you tried to keep your face composed.

“I couldn’t find the flower you wanted,” he said, with a voice so calm as if he was speaking in a safe distance. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s…” You swallowed, still locking your gaze together although your heart was screaming like a beating drum. “It’s all right…”

Taeyong spent another two seconds being in that position before he finally pulled away, just to press his mask to your face. You let out an ‘oof’ sound of surprise but you didn’t take it off. You just laid there, completely still, with his mask covering your face. It smelled just like him—the dry air of summer, with a hidden scent of fresh green grass and sunray.

“Your face’s red,” Taeyong said. “Go back to sleep.”

You wondered whether the sun managed to bite through your skin and warm your face like this. But how would that explain your racing heartbeat?

“Okay…” you murmured and the sounds of birds chirping suddenly became louder as you both fell mute, unsure of what to say.

Not far from there, a golden fox scrunched his nose in annoyance. With a small puff of smoke, Haechan returned to his human form.

“Is he an idiot?” Haechan growled in his human voice, sneaking around behind the bushes with no clothes on like usual. “What would he have done if she didn’t wake up? Did he want to die?! I should’ve knocked some sense into his head! Stupid Taeyongie!” But despite the venom in his words, Haechan could only look away and do nothing. After all…

Taeyong had looked so happy.

There was only this little smile displayed on his lips, yet somehow he looked more alive than Haechan had ever seen him before. It was the first time Haechan ever witnessed that kind of expression on him.

Haechan gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “That idiot,” he said again, grumbling but instead of running back and throwing a fist at the other man, Haechan kept walking away and bit his lower lip until it grew white. Stop looking that happy. You know how this would end, don’t you? She can’t give you the happy ending you want.

Don’t start something that will only hurt you, Hyung…

***

On the last day of your eighth summer together, you bought Taeyong a scarf. When he asked the reason why, you simply explained with, “My uncle said the winter will be freezing this year, so be sure to wear it, okay?”

“I don’t get cold, though.”

“Just wear it.”

Taeyong hummed, taking a detailed look at the maroon knitted scarf in his hands. The cuts that appeared on your fingers when you tried to knit it three months earlier had disappeared, and just by seeing him holding it already made you feel like it worth every effort you’d given.

“Oh, and here.” You took a small music player from your summer dress’s pocket. It had earphones and batteries that would definitely last for at least a month if it was only used once a while. “I’ll give you this.”

“You’re giving me a lot of things today,” Taeyong commented. “And what’s this?”

“An mp3 player,” you said as you sat next to him on the stone stairs. “Here, I’ll show you how it works. First, you press here to turn it on, then you pick the song from the playlist.” You demonstrated every word and Taeyong stared intently at the mp3 screen from the holes of his mask. “I already put some songs in it. I’m not sure what kind of music you like, so I kind of put every genre I could find. You can skip it by pressing here if you hate the song.”

“How can I hate it when I can’t even hear it?” he innocently asked and you laughed.

“That’s why they invented these earphones, silly,” you giggled, and without waiting for his permission, you plugged in one earphone to his ear while you pressed the other one to your own. You moved a bit closer toward him and Taeyong fidgeted a bit from the distance. “Don’t worry, I won’t touch you,” you said and you wondered since when did it begin to hurt you so much when you said those words? “But be very still, okay?”

“Oh, it’s playing.” Taeyong was astonished when the song started playing in his ear. It was a piece from Beethoven, a sound of violin combined with piano and cello. You explained everything to him, from the instruments, to the harmony, to the genius composers in the music industry. It was all new to him. “And what’s that sound?”

“That’s the sound of timpani,” you explained and when you glanced to the side, you realized how close you were to him. One wrong move and you could hurt him. You needed to be extra careful. It was probably best to move away, Haechan would’ve certainly told you so but just for one more second…

Let me be this close to you for one more second before I go…

“Wait, don’t change the song,” Taeyong said, snatching you away from your thoughts. Your finger stopped moving around the playlist. “I want to hear this one to the end.”

You grew quiet. There were over a hundred songs you had put into the music player and out of all of them, Taeyong had to choose this song. This one song that took you an entire night contemplating whether you should put it inside the device or not.

“This is the sound of a violin, right?” Taeyong asked, looking serious because of his mask but you dared to think that he was smiling underneath it. “It’s nice. It’s not as rich as the other piece that had timpani in it, but… It’s beautiful. I like this one.”

You stood up abruptly, your earphone detaching itself from your ear. “I—I have to go. It’s getting late.”

“Huh?” Taeyong was a bit startled. “Oh. Yeah…”

You stepped forward, not looking back at him or waved him goodbye like usual. Instead, you rushed forward with your head hanging low.

To think that he would like your song.

To think that he would say that your violin playing was nice.

To think that he would prefer your song better than any other ones there.

“Hey,” Taeyong called, and you froze before you slowly peered back at him. If he could see the blush on your cheeks and ask about it, you would lie and say that the lights were playing tricks on him.

“Thanks for these,” Taeyong said and the boy had taken off his mask. With that warm smile that almost matched the warmth of the sun drowning behind him, he waved his hand goodbye. “Until we meet next summer.”

***

“Why doesn’t he wear clothes?” You exasperatedly asked one day, in the middle of a blazing summer. It was your ninth summer together. You were fifteen-years-old, and Taeyong… Well, you never actually knew what his real age was but he still looked like he was around eighteen as always.

“Who, Haechan?” Taeyong asked, and the little golden fox lounging on his lap perked his ears at the question. Taeyong smiled a little and you, once again, whispered gratitude toward whatever it was that made him take off his mask that day. The boy placed his palm on the Fox’s head and stroke its fur. Haechan purred and leaned into the touch, his tails swaying happily behind him. “Haechan doesn’t like human clothes. He said they’re uncomfortable.”

“Well, I’m uncomfortable seeing a grown man walking around naked and clinging to you like a possessive girlfriend—” Your sentence shortly ended with a shriek when a cloud of smoke exploded around you and you knew perfectly well what caused it.

“I’m not his girlfriend, you ugly monkey, but Taeyong-Hyung is mine!” Haechan, already standing in all of his naked glorious human form, shouted as he hugged him from behind, having one arm around Taeyong’s neck, and his chin being annoyingly close to the other boy’s shoulder. “And I’m not clingy because I want to. He’s just warmer than any other Spirits here and I happen to like warmth.”

“It’s summer.” You squinted your eyes menacingly, sounding remarkably irritated but still trying your best to hide the flustered look on your face because no matter annoying Haechan was, he was still a fully naked boy. “It’s like forty degrees out here, how much hotter do you want?”

Haechan actually had the knack to ignore you with a “Hmph!” while puffing out his cheeks and nuzzled his head against Taeyong’s palm. “You don’t find me annoying, do you, Taeyongie?”

Taeyong smiled and patted his head. “I’m already used to you being like this.” Haechan’s golden tail wagged excitedly in delight. “But you should put some clothes on, Haechannie. You’re making her feel uneasy.”

“I don’t care about that monkey girl!”

“What did you say, you stupid fox?!”

Both you and Haechan gritted your teeth, facing one on one in a glaring battle before your head nearly burst from being unable to contain the shame. Haechan was so naked, you couldn’t handle staring at him for a second longer than that. Haechan was cackling proudly for achieving victory.

“That’s not nice,” Taeyong scolded and Haechan only huffed, curling on the ground and laying his head on Taeyong’s lap.

“Of course,” Haechan grumbled quietly, plump lips turning into a pout. “Why should I be nice to a girl who can make you disappear anytime she wants? That’s ridiculous.”

You froze, heart dropping to your stomach, before you hugged your knees to your chest and half-buried your face in them. Taeyong was glancing at you for a second before he brought his eyes back to the boy on his lap and pinched Haechan’s nose.

“Hey, ouch!” Haechan batted his hand away, snarling. “What the hell was that for?!”

Taeyong didn’t utter a word but there was something… Some kind of tension that made Haechan pout angrily and mutter harshly in your direction. “Well, I’m sorry, okay?” Haechan heaved the loudest sigh. His ears went down dejectedly as he laid on his side. Taeyong’s hand had stopped long from stroking his golden hair. “I know you don’t mean any harm to Taeyong-hyung, but… I mean, I… I…”

You waited in silence as Haechan tried to form his words. He looked rather cute, trying desperately to draw the right sentence to apologize when he would pretty much prefer dying instead of doing so. Eventually, Haechan sat up, pointing rudely at you with his finger, and shouted, “All right, fine! You’re allowed to stay with my Taeyongie for now, but if you pull some kind of trick like trying to kiss him in his sleep again, I won’t forgive you, OKAY?!”

Both you and Taeyong jolted, hearts thumping loudly behind your ribcages.

He was watching?! But wait, Taeyong thought, he said she was trying to kiss me. So he wasn’t watching me when I tried to kiss her. But when did she…

Taeyong turned his head toward you at the same time you were averting your gaze from Haechan’s to his. Both of you blushed and immediately brought your eyes away.

“I—I should go.” You abruptly stood up, your knees wobbling under your weight. This is so embarrassing, I could die! “I’ll c-come back tomorrow, okay?”

“Huh?” Taeyong was not being himself, losing his composure. “Yeah, s-sure. I’ll—”

But you had already walked away from your spot, mentally slapping yourself in the face because oh God, no, now he knows. What should I do? How can I face him now?

“What’s up with that girl?” Haechan asked, raising an eyebrow as he draped his bare arms all over Taeyong’s body again. “I know she’s weird, but that was too weird, right?”

“Haechannie.”

Taeyong’s voice startled him a bit. “Y-yeah?”

“When you said…” Taeyong swallowed, the thought of him trying to kiss you in your sleep started to overwhelm him once more. Did she really do the same thing to me? When? “What you said before… Was it true? Did she really try to kiss me?”

It was saddening for him that Taeyong was paying more attention to you than to him again. Ever since you came into his life, all Taeyong could ever talk about was you. You were the reason behind his smiles, when it was used to be Haechan who brought warmth to Taeyong’s cold demeanor. “Well,” Haechan sighed in defeat. “To tell you the truth…”

With a dandelion flower tucked between his fox teeth, Haechan ran with all of his power to where Taeyong was. He moved his four legs as fast as he could, his golden tail swinging behind him. Being a small fox had its perks. He could easily jump from one tree to another, he could slip through narrow spaces, and Taeyong once said that he had soft fur that was nice to touch. Haechan truly adored that boy so as a token of his gratitude; he wanted to give him a dandelion flower—one that Taeyong loved the most.

Taeyongie! Taeyongie! I want to meet him! I want to give this to him!

So he ran faster, and faster, looking for him until Haechan saw his figure sitting next to a tree with his spine pressed against the thick trunk. From where he was, Haechan could only see his back.

Ah, there he is! Taeyongie!

He ran faster, crossing the field of grass to get to that spot, but only to find Taeyong sleeping with his bangs covering his eyes and his mask tossed to his side. Then there was you—the girl who always hung around him—kneeling in front of him with…

Haechan blinked. What kind of expression is that?

Your eyes were soft, your lips parted forming Taeyong’s name, and even from where Haechan was hiding behind the tree, he could tell that you were nervous. There was something different with the way you looked. Haechan usually saw you as an annoying, little clumsy girl who posed nothing but a threat to his dearest friend. But that day, he noticed how feminine you really were.

Has she… Haechan unconsciously thought, his heart racing a little. Has she always been that pretty?

“Please don’t wake up,” you whispered, your cheeks heating up. Then you leaned forward, pressing your palm to the grass next to his waist to prop your weight.

Wait! Haechan shouted in his head but he couldn’t will himself to move. Wait, what do you think you’re doing—

Then you closed your eyes and filled the spaces between you. Haechan wasn’t breathing at that moment. He couldn’t even think.

You were kissing Taeyong.

That girl! Haechan yelled in anger. If Taeyong disappears, I am going to kill—

“Hmm?” Taeyong’s voice came through his hearing. “Oh sorry, seems like I fell asleep. You came back already, huh?”

“Yeah,” you replied, smiling at him before you stood up. “I was just going to drop this for you and leave since I thought you were sleeping.”

Haechan crawled a bit closer to take a look at what you were referring to. It was a handful of dandelion flowers—just like what he wanted to give him—with a white paper card laid upon them.

The paper! Haechan realized. Of course! She was using that when she kissed him!

You took the small paper card and laughed. “I was going to write something like ‘Make a wish for me’ or something but you already woke up.”

When Haechan looked back at Taeyong, the boy was staring at you in the same way you’d looked at him before. Those soft, gentle eyes. That adoring gaze. That longing stare.

Taeyong stood up, taking the dandelions off his lap and offered them back to you. “Why don’t we make a wish together?” he asked, smiling so tenderly that even you got startled for a moment.

“Okay!” you chirped merrily and you walked next to each other as you blew the dandelions one by one.

“What did you wish for?”

“World peace,” you answered with a grin. “You?”

Taeyong sneaked a glance toward the small gap that separated your hands from one another. “An ice cream,” he said, smiling back.

You tittered, oblivious about the actual thing he desired the most. “You’re so weird.”

Haechan watched from afar, hiding behind the shades of the tree before he eventually transformed into his human form, laid his back against the trunk and blew his own dandelion flower away. The seeds were swaying together with the wind, leaving him alone as Taeyong’s chatter began to wash away from his ears.

“Idiot,” Haechan muttered. “Stop being so obvious. You’re even making me embarrassed.”

“Haechannie?” Taeyong’s soft voice woke him from his reverie. Noticing how the boy hadn’t spoken for a while, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Haechan glared at him, shouting. “Nothing’s wrong! Just go die, you idiot!” Then he morphed back to his animal form, bit him in the nose and scurried off.

Taeyong hissed in pain, rubbing his nose. “Why is everybody leaving so suddenly today?” he sighed before throwing himself back to the ground, lying on the grass with the sun showering him with its light.

Ah, I want to see her again already.

***

Seasons changed and what was once warm air caressing your strands, had turned into soft snow prickling against your skin and coating your spine with shivers. You began to realize that the world became a little dull as you grew older. You stared at the glassy window in front of you with lifeless eyes, close enough to make the glass hazy with your warm breath. The school’s bell rang, indicating that your next class was about to begin but you kept standing still in the hallway, just staring at the cloudy weather.

A boy called your name—Mark Lee, you remembered well, from his big doe eyes and his messy raven hair. “Shouldn’t you be heading to the lab? Everyone already left.”

“Huh?” You blinked, still somewhat dazed until you noticed that Mark was already carrying his textbook, ready to move to the biology lab. “Ah, right!” You sputtered, turning on your heels to run toward your classroom but Mark caught you by the wrist.

“Here,” he said, giving you the note and the textbook you wanted to grab. “We’re going to be late, so I’ve brought your stuff with me. Let’s go.”

And if your thoughts weren’t so distraught, you would’ve noticed how Mark had been paying more attention to you than anybody else for the past few weeks.

But that was the problem. You had been having trouble focusing these days. Everything just seemed to pass by like a blur. During your next class, you didn’t pay any attention at all. It wasn’t like you were busy chatting or drawing random doodles on your note. You were just staring blankly at your textbook. Your eyes were half-lidded, your thoughts scattering all over the places.

At home, you hardly finished your dinner. Your mother scolded you as she thought her daughter was snacking before they shared sukiyaki at the dining table. You could only pout before you took your leave. You didn’t tell your mother that you had hardly eaten anything all day.

When the lights were off and you were settling down under your blanket in bed, you couldn’t sleep. You kept staring at your ceiling, part of your soul going somewhere else. Somewhere where it was warmer, brighter, with a stupid-looking cat mask in sight.

You eventually closed your eyes with the thought of gentle brown eyes staring at you behind silvery white strands.

Six more months left until I can see you again.

***

“Good morning.”

You exhaled from your mouth, creating visible puffs of air in the chilly weather. Your coat and scarf were clinging tightly to your body and yet you still felt cold. You never enjoyed the winter season. Or, any other seasons, for that matter.

“I said, good morning.”

You blinked. Your brain finally could process that someone had been calling you since a moment ago. “Oh,” you said, smiling politely. “Good morning, Mark.”

“Dozing off already?” Mark said, fixing the strap of his bag that was about to fall off his shoulder. “Isn’t it still too early for that?”

You could only laugh but even the sound of it felt empty to your ears.

“There’s frozen ice underneath your feet,” he warned, his voice sounded a bit muffled. Half of his face was covered with his checkered navy blue scarf. “Be careful.”

You stopped walking and noticed that you were indeed standing on asphalt-covered with black ice. It made a soft creaking sound when you tried to walk on it. It was too slippery.

“You’ll slip. It’s dangerous.” Mark took out his hand from the pocket of his brown duffle coat. “Come here,” he called, offering his hand. There were clouds of breath when he spoke.

Appalled, but only for a second, you then smiled gratefully. “Thank you.” You took his hand, but Mark was the one who held it tighter. He was warm and the texture of his palm was rough. You never knew that a boy’s hand could feel like this.

You were no longer walking on the frozen ice but Mark never let go of your hand. He just continued walking in front of you, dragging you gently by the hand. “It’s cold today, isn’t it?” he said and you wondered whether you should reply to a rhetorical question like that. You ended up saying nothing.

“Haven’t you been a little out of it lately?” Mark asked after the small awkward silence. “Actually, you’ve always been that way, but…”

His grip around your hand wasn’t exactly too tight or too loose, and it somehow felt nice so you were confused. Why weren’t you affected by it? Why didn’t you feel anything at all? Some other students who were passing you were staring, and both you and Mark would probably need to get ready to clarify dating rumors the second you arrived at class but you felt nothing. Nothing at all, except…

Mark’s mouth was moving but you couldn’t hear him over the loudness of your thoughts.

I want to see Taeyong.

I want to touch him.

I want to feel his hand on mine.

I miss him.

But you still had six months left before summer came.

It didn’t use to be a problem. But at that particular moment, as Mark began to lace his fingers more comfortably around yours, you thought that it hurt. Not seeing Taeyong was more than painful.

It was suffocating.

***

“Is that your new uniform?” Taeyong asked, leaning his shoulder to the tree near the stone stairs where you usually met. That was his first line after nine months of separation.

You timidly smiled, nodding with your fingers interlacing behind your back. You were wearing a white and dark blue uniform, indicating that you had become a high school student that year. You wore a hairpin to clip your bangs from falling over your face. Taeyong didn’t comment on it but he noticed how your hair had grown longer, and how he loved it now as much as he’d loved it then.

“Time really flies, doesn’t it?” Taeyong marveled, as you climbed up the stone stairs, walking to a deeper part of the forest. “You’re already in high school, huh?”

The cicadas were singing loud behind your backs. They always sang the loudest when it was hot. “Yup.”

You sat on the carpet of green grass near the pond. Pink lotuses were growing, blooming underneath the sun. Taeyong sat cross-legged, and you sat next to him with your legs folded carefully to guard your skirt against blowing because of the wind.

“You don’t come running at me anymore these days,” Taeyong chuckled “You were so clingy when you were a kid.”

“Of course not.” You scoffed. “I’ve learned my lesson after all the beatings you did.”

Taeyong stayed in silence so you eventually looked away and diverted your gaze toward the sky. “I’m really looking forward to it,” you said. “In three years, when I graduate, I plan on looking for a job here. Then, I can be with you more. In winter, in autumn, in spring… We’ll always be together.” Your voice became softer, just like the sheepish smile you displayed on your face. “Always, okay?”

Taeyong glanced back at you through the holes of his mask. You seemed so optimistic and bright; it was almost painful.

Because what were you doing exactly? You both knew this wouldn’t last. You weren’t supposed to be together. There was no way for you to be together without you hurting each other in the end.

It was just… Impossible…

When Taeyong called your name, his voice had lost its cheeriness. “Let me tell you about myself.”

You blinked. “Eh?”

“I’m not a spirit,” Taeyong said, sitting up better on the ground. “But I’m also no longer human. It seems like I was once a human, but when I was a baby, I was abandoned in this forest.”

Taeyong could no longer recall the memory back when he was a baby, being left all alone in a wooden basket in the middle of a haunted forest. “I’d only just been abandoned, so I cried helplessly, as if to call back the parents who left me.”

But Taeyong’s tone was no longer painted with agony. You wondered how many years had truly passed since the day he was abandoned for him to feel nothing when he spoke about it.

“They said I didn’t stop crying for a long time,” Taeyong said, and you noticed that he must have been talking about the Spirits. “It was until they placed this cat mask on my face that I began to laugh. I should’ve died then, but the Mountain God appeared and cast a spell that allowed me to continue living so that I never move on.”

Taeyong never once looked at you when he retold his story. “I’m like a ghost,” he said, and finally turned his mask-covered face toward you. “So, it’s okay if you forget about me.” You couldn’t find anything to say. Your mind was busy processing all the information you'd just received. “A body that’s maintained by magic is very weak,” Taeyong continued nonetheless as he stared at his own palm. “If it touches a real human body, the spell will break and the body will disappear. It’s such a fragile thing…” There was an obvious pain in his voice now. “Just how long can you—”

“Something that disappears when touched,” you immediately said, not wanting to hear the question escaping his lips. “It’s just like snow, isn’t it?”

This time, it was Taeyong who went speechless.

“You know, Taeyong…” You embraced your knees to your chest, staring at the pond. The light cast its reflection on your face, which to Taeyong only added more sparks to your beauty. “I thought of you during winter. And fall… And spring… I thought of you all the time, so...” You locked their gazes together as you smiled. “Don’t forget about me, okay? Don’t forget. Time might separate us one day, but still, until then, let’s stay together.”

Taeyong never once discussed it again. He decided that you were worth it. He would allow himself to be selfish. Whether he would disappear from your touch, or whether you would pass away on your deathbed even when he was still in his twenties, no one could ever know. But if he could spend that time with you, no matter how short it would be, no matter how much it would hurt, he would endure the pain. If it meant that he would stay together with you, he would crush his own happy ending. Because you had decided to let yours go.

And there was no way he would let you go down that road on your own.

***

“A spirit festival?” You asked, as you sat next to each other near the lake with your feet dipped into the water. Now eighteen, you felt closer to him more than ever. You secretly wondered if someone saw you walking together side-by-side, would they think of you as a couple?

“No, a summer festival held by the spirits,” Taeyong corrected.

“There’s not much of a difference.”

“The nuance is completely different.”

“Nuance?”

“When you were little, I thought you might get scared so I didn’t invite you. But tonight,” Taeyong stopped to showcase his grin. “Can you sneak out of your house? I’ve wanted to go with you for a long time…”

As if you could decline that tempting offer. “I—I want to go!” You exclaimed, jumping up to both of your feet.

“Then meet me at eight at our usual place.”

“But when you think about it,” you muttered, hand propping your chin as you ran through your mind. “A festival filled with Spirits sounds a little unnerving. On top of that, it’s at night.”

Taeyong took off his mask and you could see the sincerity behind his brown eyes. “Don’t worry,” he said, smiling handsomely. “On the outside, it’s not very different from a human festival. It’s supposed to mimic human festivals after all.” And at that time, his smile turned a bit sheepish. “And I will protect you, so…”

You felt like something just lit a fire behind your chest. “W-when you say things like that,” you said, eyes glancing away from embarrassment, “it makes me want to jump at you.” You wanted it to be a joke. You both knew that there was no way you would touch him underneath your conscience.

“Then do it,” Taeyong, in all of his seriousness, said, “I’m serious.”

You could only look at him with conflicted feelings.

***

The summer festival that was held by the Spirits inside the forest was indeed similar to the ones in the living world. Lanterns were lit up, surrounding the place with orange-colored lights that seemed normal enough for your eyes. But when you took a closer look, the fireballs behind the paper lantern were actually dancing. Spirits were everywhere around the place and this time, they didn’t look like ghosts or monsters. They were all disguised as humans, even wearing yukatas and wooden sandals but with masks over their faces—just like Taeyong. Not every Spirit managed to do well with their disguises, though. You could still spot some children with pig noses and cat tails, and you could see Haechan’s fluffy golden tails and matching fox’s ears on his head as he waved a hand and ran toward Taeyong with all of his strength.

Taeyong was wearing a dark grey yukata with his usual cat mask placed on his face, and the Fox boy jumped into his arms, winding his long limbs so naturally around his neck.

“Taeyongie!” Haechan chirped as he nuzzled his nose against Taeyong’s neck, despite them being full-grown men. The other boy pushed him away with one palm.

“Y-you’re wearing clothes,” you stammered, gaping at the sight that Haechan wasn’t actually naked at that moment. Instead, the boy was wearing a white yukata with golden obi around his waist. It matched his blond hair and golden ears perfectly.

Haechan groaned, “Oh man, don’t tell me that monkey girl is here with you to—” The rest of his words died on his tongue the second he checked your appearance. No longer wearing your summer dress, that night you were wrapped in a sky blue kimono with falling cherry blossoms painted around it. You had a salmon-colored obi around your waist, curving your body perfectly and you had your bangs clipped to the side, showing more of your face for them to admire.

“Hmm?” you asked, tilting your head slightly when you noticed that Haechan was staring without saying a word. “What is it?”

“You…” Haechan gulped before he took a step back and pointed a finger at you. Taeyong could blatantly see the blush on his face but you never paid attention to anyone besides Taeyong. “You’re so ugly, you almost made me puke!” Haechan screamed.

“Excuse me?!” You shouted back and Taeyong laughed when Haechan turned into his animal form, sending a small kick to her face—it wasn’t as painful as it was surprising—before he ran away like a scared little rodent.

“Why are you laughing?” You pouted, rubbing your slightly bruised cheek from Haechan’s attack. “God, he must have hated me so much. What’s his problem? And is he leaving his clothes just like this?!”

Taeyong couldn’t understand why you were so oblivious of Haechan’s feelings. But if it meant he could stare at your adorable confused face longer then he wouldn’t say a word to explain.

“Hey,” Taeyong called, bringing out a thin white scarf from his sleeves. “Tie this around your wrist. You’ll get lost if you don’t.” You obeyed right away, even humming happily as you did it. Taeyong tied the other end around his wrist as well. With that, you were connected to each other.

“It’s just like going on a date,” you said, giggling. Taeyong had brought his mask to the side of his head, so most of his face was shown when he smiled beautifully.

“It is a date,” he said, successfully sending your heart thrumming wildly against your ribcages. When you weren’t as flushed, you mirrored his little smile, wishing for your heart to beat at a slower pace so you could focus more on his beautiful features instead. Taeyong was so close and so handsome; it felt almost surreal for you to witness. “Shall we go?”

You shortly nodded and let him lead the way, a thin white scarf bridging the small gap between you. It’s funny how you weren’t exactly holding hands, but it felt just the same way. Your heart was racing, your thoughts were filled with him, and your never-ending smile, brighter than all the lanterns combined, was the proof of the joy you shared with him.

It was perfect. He was perfect.

There were fireworks, music, and dances. Everything looked so fun. Taeyong bought you cotton candy, but when you tried to take a bite, it flew towards the sky, morphing into clouds between the shining stars. Every time you laughed, Taeyong was grateful to be able to witness the beauty of it. It was so easy for your happiness to be his.

You walked around, checking some food stalls from one place to another, with him trying to match his steps with yours without you knowing. You wanted to buy a mask as well, perhaps one that looked similar to Taeyong’s. When a mask finally caught your interest—a tanned person’s face with his eyes crossed, you touched it to try it on but it turned out that it was an actual Spirit’s face, not a mask. Flustered, you had no choice but to run away, shouting “I’M SO SORRY!” and forcing Taeyong to follow you with chuckles reverberating from his chest.

Taeyong laughed more frequently that night than he had been the entire summer and you loved it. You loved the way he laughed without care. It was like firewood in the cold, darkest night—warming, bright, and beautiful.

“Ah, I had so much fun!” You cheered, still laughing slightly as you walked away from the festival. It was getting late and knowing how your uncle must have been worried for your well-being, Taeyong took you home. “Everyone really went all out with their disguises, didn’t they?” Your voice echoed through the night. “It was like a mimicking competition. You weren’t kidding when you said it’s supposed to imitate human’s festival.” No wonder his uncle’s friend Hyori had managed to sneak inside back then. “Is it like this every year?”

“Yeah, every time summer comes around…” But Taeyong’s voice suddenly lost its liveliness. And as you walked further away from the festival, the forest became dark once more, with only the moon and the stars illuminating your faces.

When Taeyong called your name, it was a mix of a longing sigh and a hushed whisper. Little frogs and insects were making sounds in the background and you could hear your steps matching his as you stepped on the grass, near your usual private pond. “I can no longer wait for summer to come around,” he softly murmured.

You turned your head toward him, glancing at the face of the boy you’d spent your entire summer with. Taeyong was wearing his mask again, and you wished he didn’t. You wanted to see his expression when he said those words.

“When I’m away from you,” Taeyong confessed, “even though I can’t be around the crowds, I want to go see you. Even though I knew it would’ve killed me, I was ready to step a foot outside this forest and run to you. Nine months are too long for me to wait for you.”

You almost reached out a hand to touch his, but you stopped before you got your wish. Instead, you sank your fingernails to your palm, hard enough to tear your skin apart so you could focus on the pain on your skin instead of the one in your chest.

Why does he have to be so close and yet so far away?

Then Taeyong suddenly stopped walking, lifting one hand to take off his mask and pressed it to your face. Before you could understand what was happening, Taeyong bent his head down and kissed the other side of the mask, right where your lips would be if there were no barriers between you. The thin mask was the only thing separating your lips from touching one another.

You froze, seeing Taeyong’s close-up face from the holes of the mask. As you’d guessed, Taeyong had long eyelashes. And he was so beautiful, so gentle, so young but with the expression of a man who spent hundreds of years in silence, yearning for other people’s touch.

Taeyong wasn’t really kissing you and yet, you still couldn’t breathe.

He pulled away after a few seconds had passed; smiling at you in the way it was almost breaking you apart but not quite.

Why does this feel like a goodbye?

“That mask,” he said, gazing straight at you. His smile never faltered from his lips, which only broke your heart even more. “You can have it.” And with him taking another step forward, you began to walk side by side again without uttering any other words.

He probably won’t come back to the place where we usually meet next summer. You pondered, hiding your face behind his mask. This is definitely our last…

“Hey, wait for me!” Two children passed by, running with their little feet and roaring into the night. The first boy managed to get a few steps ahead and his little sister was trying to catch up to him but she fumbled and slipped on her feet.

“Careful!” Taeyong shouted in reflex and reached out a hand to help her. With a hold around her wrist, he managed to prevent her from falling. The little girl smiled, showcasing her teeth and thanked him before she ran away chasing her brother again.

“Be careful, you guys!” You said and the two children waved their hands at you. You chuckled to yourself. I wonder if I was like that when I was a—

Taeyong’s sudden call of your name made you jolt. You hastily turned around, hoping to see him smile from the holes of the mask you had on your face, but instead what you saw was something more.

It was your nightmare.

Taeyong had his hand—the one he used to touch the little girl—stretched out in the air, staring at it with parted lips and wide eyes as his fingertips started to glow and slowly disappearing into thin air like fireflies vanishing in the night.

“Ta…” Your throat, your chest, it felt like fire was consuming every inch of you. “Taeyong..?”

You couldn’t believe what was happening. You wished you were dreaming. You prayed for it to be a dream. But Taeyong was really there, disappearing little by little in front of you and you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t live without him in your life. How could just one touch of a hand do something like this?

“That girl was a human?!” You panicked, head throbbing loudly but the pain didn’t even come close to the aching you felt in your heart. What should I do? What should I do now?! I can’t lose him—I don’t want to lose him—

Taeyong!

The glow started to spread to his wrist, passing his elbow, to his chest and you wanted to scream stop! Don’t take him away from me! Please, stop! But Taeyong was smiling, so widely and beautifully and this time there was no trace of loneliness or secrets he tried to keep to himself like his usual smile. This time, he really did smile with all of his heart.

“Come here!” He called your name between his smiles, throwing his arms out for you to jump into. “I can finally touch you now.”

And you didn’t let a second to waste. You pushed the mask away from your face, facing him with a smile because that was what he deserved and then you hugged him, embraced him tightly with all of your strength, and you never wanted to let go. Taeyong looked so happy so you held your tears to yourself, no matter how much they burned behind your eyelids, and when Taeyong lifted your face and pressed a kiss to your lips, you curled your fingers on the back of his yukata.

Taeyong was so warm. And soft. And…

Gone.

You fell to your knees with his yukata held tightly against your chest. Your shoulders shuddered. Your chest felt like a thousand ice blades striking you at the same time. The clothing still smelled like him and yet, Taeyong was nowhere to be seen. He was consumed by the fireflies’ light and now there was no trace of him left.

I love you, you heard him said just a split second before he vanished. Faintly. Lovingly. Awaking every memory of the summers you’d spent together. That twig of oak bridging the distance between you. Those flowers you picked from the fields for him. That time when he ran to save you from falling. How lonely he’d looked from time to time. And how lonely you were when he wasn’t around. When Taeyong wasn’t there to spread happiness to your life.

And now he’s gone…

“Me too,” you sobbed as you held onto the piece of fabric he left from his final moment as if you were hanging on a thread that separated life from death. “I love you too.”

I love you so much, Taeyong.

And you let yourself cry, just this once, just for tonight. You would cry your heart out, screaming his name, telling him how much you loved him, just for this time only. Taeyong was the source of your happiness. Not even his death should change that.

When there were no more tears to cry, you got back to your feet and the first step felt so heavy. It was easier to just be drowned in silence, never have to get up again, never have to see the light of day now that his light had been taken away. But Taeyong wouldn’t wish for that to happen. He wanted you to be happy, with or without him.

So you picked his mask off the ground and embraced it tightly to your chest. There were murmurs of the Spirits around you, thanking you for being with Taeyong until the last moment of his life. They said Taeyong could only truly smile when he was with you.

Haechan appeared in front of you, wearing his previous white yukata with golden obi around his waist. His fox’s ears were down and his tails were no longer wagging behind him like always. His eyes were red and puffy, though he wasn’t crying.

“Taeyong-hyung wanted nothing more but to feel a touch of a human,” he said when you’d lost your voice to speak. “Being hugged by you before he vanished like that… I guess he wouldn’t have preferred anything else.”

You weakly smiled and reached up to stroke Haechan’s hair. The Fox boy seemed somewhat startled but didn’t move away. “He must have been happy,” you said, smiling with tears brimming in your eyes, “to have someone like you paying so much attention to him.”

Haechan brought his head down and you could hear soft sobs as he began to break down once again. He was biting his lip until it grew white, just to muffle his whimpers. You told him that it was all right for him to cry as hard as he could. After all, it was only normal. The pain of being left by someone you love… Taeyong must have understood it well.

I probably won’t be able to look forward to summer for a long time.

My chest will hurt.

My tears will be overflowing.

But this warmth in my hands and these summer memories will live forever in my heart.

I wouldn’t ask for anything more.

You smiled, kissing the temple of the mask and whispered, “Until we meet on the next life, Taeyong.”

***

It takes bravery to show up at the gate of the forest in your sleeveless white summer dress and you can feel your knees trembling underneath your weight but your resolve doesn’t dissipate. It’s been one year since Taeyong has vanished without a trace. Your heart still bleeds, but your tears are dry. And although it kills you to know that Taeyong is no longer there, waiting on the stone stairs like usual, you keep your smile intact, taking a seat close enough to the spot where Taeyong used to sit waiting for you.

“I’m here this year too, Taeyong,” you whispers, one hand being placed on the stone steps as if it was out for him to touch. “How are you?”

A soft wind blows, caressing your now longer hair and swiping warmth to your cheek. Lonely. You feel so alone. The cicadas are singing loudly as always but they don’t sound the same without the sound of Taeyong’s soft chuckles. You can no longer share stories with him, can no longer try to close the forbidden gap between you little by little. There’s nobody you can show your uniform to.

Don’t cry, you will yourself, hugging your knees tightly to your chest. Don’t cry. Taeyong wouldn’t want you to cry. You said you could do this, remember?

But it still hurts.

So you quickly open your bag and retract his cat mask from it. Placing it upon your face, you bask in what’s left of Taeyong’s scent as you close your eyes. This way, even if you end up crying, no one will see. If Taeyong is still here, or if he somehow stares down from heaven, he won’t be able to see you breaking apart.

“If you want to cry, just cry,” a boy suddenly sits down next to you, your shoulders brushing one another. “Idiot.”

You look to your side, feeling your breath stutter a little. “Haechan-ah…”

The Fox boy turns his head to face you as well but unlike Taeyong who greeted you with a gentle smile, Haechan was scowling. He has an apparent frown on his handsome human face, but although he is glaring, his nine tails betray him as they wag in elation behind him. “What are you staring at?” he says and flicks you on the forehead. It doesn’t hurt since he’s only grazing the mask, but it does make you move your gaze away.

Haechan still looks as young as always. His golden hair is still shining reflecting the sunlight, his ruby eyes are shimmering, and his sun-kissed skin still glows beautifully.

“You’re wearing clothes,” you comment, noticing the casual white shirt and the blue jeans he has on his body. He’s not wearing anything to protect his feet though.

“Of course, as if I would give you the reason to ogle at my perfect body,” Haechan spits back harshly and you don’t answer anything back. Eventually, it creates tension between you so he runs a hand through his hair and mutters, “Well, I mean… Taeyong told me it made you uncomfortable, so…” You still stay mute but for an entirely different reason.

“Thanks,” you finally say, your voice sounds a bit muffled because of the mask.

Haechan feels his face growing hot and he grits his teeth to wash it away. “You’re being gross, stop it,” he raves and yet his tail sways faster behind him as his ears perk up in joy. You can finally understand why Taeyong was fond of him. Despite his snarky attitude, Haechan is shy and he’s never honest when it comes to showing his feelings, but his body often betrays him. He has his own charm.

So you laugh—softly, quietly, unfamiliar to your own ears, but it’s a start. “I’m sorry.”

Haechan huffs and fixes his red eyes to the sky. The clouds are moving, changing shapes and he secretly wonders what would Taeyong say at times like this. “I thought you wouldn’t come this summer,” he murmurs.

“I thought I wouldn’t too,” you admit. “But I realized in the end, even though he’s gone, it doesn’t mean he can’t still live in my memory. I think when someone dies; it doesn’t really mean that they’re gone. The difference is that we can’t physically see them anymore, so as time goes by, we begin to forget. And once we forgot about them, then I guess that’s when someone truly dies.” You take off your mask, turn it around on your palm and stare at the cat’s two-round, lifeless eyes. “I can’t see Taeyong anymore but I won’t let him disappear from my thoughts. He’s now living in my memory and I will keep it that way. He’s already a part of me now—of who I have become.” Your lips curve up as you rub your thumb along the cat’s whiskers. “I’m sorry for saying such weird things. I must have bored you by now.”

But unbeknownst to you, Haechan is staring at you with admiration in his eyes. He never knew you had such a complex personality.

Even though she’s a human. Even though she’s just a human.

“You know, for Spirits like us,” Haechan says, “Humans have always been nothing better than something to eat. It’s not worth having a relationship with them. You can’t befriend someone who will pass away in a blink of an eye. Spirits like us can live for hundreds of years. And you, people like you, can barely even reach a hundred. Becoming attached to something so fragile will only hurt us, that’s why we try to never look at humans as someone to be friends with. Just like humans in general, we’re afraid of getting hurt.”

Your eyebrows are knitted together, can barely understand why is Haechan telling you these things.

“I saw Taeyong-Hyung when he was with you,” Haechan utters, and this time he smiles at the memory of his friend. He looks much younger like this. “He was happy. Perhaps happier than I’d ever seen him. That’s probably why I decided not to eat you.”

“You wanted to eat me?”

“A few times, yeah.”

“Even though you were so startled when Taeyong suddenly sneezed and almost ran for your life like a little scaredy-cat?”

“That’s—” Haechan blushes madly. “That’s different!”

You place a hand over your mouth, covering your small laughter. “Okay, okay,” you said and Haechan feels a tweak in his heart again. Humans are such fragile beings, he wonders, maybe that’s the reason why I want to protect her so badly?

He quickly shakes the thought away, blushing even deeper. Get a grip on yourself, you idiot!

“Well, Haechannie.” You stand up from the spot you’ve been sitting on, smoothening down your dress. “I’m supposed to head over to my uncle’s house now. I don’t want to make him worry.”

“Oh…” Haechan blinks, standing up as well. “Right, of course.”

You’re appalled at how taller he is now. Even when you’re standing up straight, you can only reach a little above his shoulder line. “Are you still growing?”

“Huh?” Haechan takes a look at himself. “Oh. Yeah, maybe.” And you want to comment on that but you’re distracted by the look of Haechan’s fox ears going down. “Are you…” he looks away, somewhat hiding his lips behind the back of his hand. His cheeks are burning redder by the second. “Are you going to come back here tomorrow?”

The wind is probably playing tricks to your ears, that’s why you’re hearing some weird stuff right now. “What?”

“Ah, damn it!” He groans, his blush now expanding to the tip of his ears. “I said, are you going to come back here tomorrow or not, you stupid monkey girl! Don’t make me say this thing twice, it’s freaking embarrassing!”

It takes another two seconds for you to process before you burst out laughing. He’s so childish; it’s somewhat adorable. “If you want me to, I will,” you reply, wiping small tears away from your eyes.

Although Haechan’s ears perk up instantly at your answer, he keeps muttering rudely, “Well, don’t expect me to wait here for you or anything, okay? Today is special but I won’t do it tomorrow.”

“Huh?” You nearly break out into laughter again. “You were waiting for me today?”

By this point, Haechan’s practically combusted into flames. “SHUT UP, YOU MONKEY GIRL!” In a split second, he transforms into his animal form, creating musky grey mist all around you, and he bites your nose before he scurries away. His golden tail still wags happily behind him as he runs off.

Rubbing your nose from the itching pain, you grin with your teeth shown and waves your hand goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Haechannie!”

“It’s Donghyuck!” His voice can be heard but he’s nowhere to be seen. “My real name is Donghyuck. You better memorize that!”

Donghyuck… Somehow, you could feel your heart warming in the way it hasn’t been for a year long. “Then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Donghyuck…”

Your summer is changing. The feeling is different though something hasn’t quite changed. You still miss Taeyong, terribly so. There will probably no way you can stop missing him. After all, they said first love lasts forever, right?

But I’m doing fine, Taeyong. There are still many things for me to do so I will move on, little by little. No matter how long it would take for me to be able to remember your name without hurting; to remember your smile without regretting not being able to kiss your lips longer; or to remember the days we spent together and not crying over them—I will heal.

Time will no longer be our enemy. It will be the one to erase my pain.

I will heal.

***

Dear Taeyong,

I miss you.

I miss you a lot.

I miss you to the point of shedding my tears.

But I will not wish for you to come back.

After all you never truly left me, did you?

I remember everything.

I still remember everything.

Even if ten years have passed, even if twenty, even if a thousand years have gone by, as long as I’m still alive, I promise you until my dying breath that I will remember you.

You are still the beautiful reality in my sleep.

The blissful dream in my wake.

I am still here, in the place where we usually meet.

I am not waiting for you—I know you wouldn’t want that.

But I am here because of you. Because you remind me of summer. Of joy. Of faith. Of love. Of a bittersweet goodbye.

Everything about you brings smiles to my face, even if our first embrace ended without time waiting for me to keep your warmth. Even if our kiss never left an aftertaste on my lips.

It’s all right. It’s enough.

No matter where you are now, Taeyong… Be happy.

I will meet you again in our next life.

Maybe by then, we can set our promise not by words, but by our fingers lacing together.

And maybe by then, you can stroke my hair when I cry.

And every time we part, I will let you take my farewell words from my lips.

Take my breath, if you must. After all, they’re yours. Everything about me is yours.

I love you.

I love you so much.

I love you despite everything that separated us. Time, distance, age, even a single touch—Nothing can make me tired of loving you. I love you. I have never loved anyone else but you.

I am forever yours.

***

My Love,

I miss you too.

I miss you so much.

I miss you to the point of breaking apart.

And I’m glad you don’t wish for me to come back.

I don’t think it would’ve done us any good.

I still remember you.

I will always remember you.

Even if I no longer have a body, even if not even my ashes remain, even if the fireflies decide to abandon me, I will remember you.

Listen to me, my dear.

Even if I had the chance to choose, I still wouldn’t change a thing.

I’d prefer not to be able to touch you, to feel your warmth, or to taste your lips,

rather than not be able to fall in love with you.

I’d rather be consumed with these feelings I have for you,

rather than being burned by a passion that would be over after the summer end.

This is all right. This is enough.

So no matter what happens next… Be happy.

For I do not wish for anything else.

I have no regrets.

You have given me everything I’d asked for.

You have given me more than I could ever imagine.

I have never desired anything until I met you.

I am eternally grateful for our meeting.

Even if we had to separate for nine months each year, I have enjoyed every little second that we spent, from sunrise to sunset even if it was only three months a year.

I will see you in our next life.

And by then, I will place a ring around the finger you lace with mine.

And by then, I will kiss the tears away from your eyes.

And we will never part, but I will seal your lips with mine from saying those farewell words.

I love you too. I wouldn’t have understood love if it wasn’t for you. My whole life wouldn’t have meant something if it wasn’t for you.

Until we meet again, my love.

I am forever yours.

***

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distinctlywhumpthing · 3 years

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Together 3: Her name.

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CW: torture, captivity, wounds, broken bones, cauterization mention, strangulation, choking, implied conditioning, implied dehumanization, multiple whumpees, multiple whumpers, whumpee as caretaker, burns, unconscious, blacking out

It’s been hotter than usual for the past few days, even in our damp basement room. The other room is even worse, with dry, unyielding heat, as oppressive as the hands that strangled me until I saw stars over and over a few hours ago. We’ve spent the whole day lying around, rewetting rags from the first aid supplies at the cool tap. It’s been running with less pressure now which is the only reason we’re not just sitting with our feet under it all the time. Neither of us was out of the room for very long today, like all of our captors just want to go off to some pool or find somewhere air-conditioned to drink a cold beer.

“I’d kill for an Icee right now,” I say, rolling onto my side to see if she knows what I’m talking about.

She only turns her head, to show me her furrowed brow. I wonder if that means she’s been in this hole long enough she’s never had one or if she’s just from someplace where they have a different name.

I explain, “It's like a slushy, you know grated ice and syrup. My favorite used to be these white cherry-flavored ones, but they were rare, so every time I saw it in a machine, I’d get the biggest size. It was so good. It would kind of burn in your mouth from whatever was in there, not quite sour but not too sweet either.”

She raises one eyebrow and grimaces.

“No, really they were good. I swear, Babe. I’ll—” I stop myself before I offer to buy her one sometime like we’re just new coworkers chatting by the water cooler instead of two people who might never see the light of day again.

My almost-slip-up wasn’t missed and she rolls onto her back, staring up at the ceiling again.

I suck at this.

She’s always falling all over herself trying to help me, give me extra food, and protect me in whatever way she can. It’s not like I can return the favor even when she comes back leaning into the wall for support or looking so dazed I want to rock her in my arms. Even then, she does her best to help me before finally collapsing on her bed or sometimes mine when she knows I can walk to the other. The least I can do is try to distract her but I don’t know the first thing about her.

One time, I asked if she knew any sign language or had ever played charades. I thought she was going to pass out because she’d frozen and held her breath so long. When she finally let out a breath and opened her eyes, she was blinking past tears. She’d shaken her head once, gaze vacant and dark, jaw still tight. Clearly, she’s not allowed to do anything more than be expressive with her face. Even her nodding has practiced restraint. She never does it more than once. It makes my stomach twist to think of what kind of sicko would reduce another human being to that. My torture makes sense but not hers and I still don’t know what goes on beneath the surface. It makes me wonder if it’s personal. Maybe he has some kind of vendetta.

We could play twenty questions but I get the sense that might also be crossing the line. I don’t want to risk it. It’s uncomfortable enough without sending her into a panic or whatever it is that happens every time she gets cornered by her conditioning. She’s also still stuck wearing the long-sleeved turtleneck and leggings, while I’m shirtless in ratty shorts, so she must be stifling. They’re clean and soft at least, and I know she gets to shower every day if that’s any kind of comfort. I have no idea, it could be painful in itself for all I know. This is just making me depressed. Her situation is so much worse than mine. I’m sure she’ll be here long after someone messes up and pushes me into a grave sooner than planned. Even if they don’t, I know I have an expiration date, but I get the sense she’s a permanent fixture here.

I push myself up, catching the lukewarm rag before it falls into my lap. I still have bandages on the cauterized stab wounds but the rest have scabbed over fine. Some of them might not even scar that badly, not that I care. Half my fingers are still taped, which is a pain, but it’s not like I have anything to do anyway. I walk over to stand beside her and hold my hand out for her rag, keeping away until she holds it up so I can grab the opposite hanging end, a good six inches from her fingers. I have enough useable fingers to twist the tap on but I have to wring the fresh water out of the rags between the heels of my hands so they aren’t dripping. I shut off the water and turn around.

She’s propped herself up on her elbows and quickly looks up at the ceiling, eyes overflowing. I forgot that the burn scar on my back from a while ago sometimes does that to her, even though it’s long-scabbed over by now. I was pretty out of it for a few days after but every time I woke up she was doing that haunting, silent sobbing, like she was feeling every inch of it, too. I hope to god it’s not because she’s covered in similar burns.

I’ve never actually seen it but I can feel that it runs from the top of my left shoulder blade all the way to my right hip and there’s a curve from the hook at some point. When he did it, he wore some kind of fireproof gloves and pressed it into my skin, to get an uninterrupted line the entire length of the poker even with the curves of my spine and my then-present back muscles making it a less-than-flat surface. I’d passed out after a few minutes of screaming and choking on my own spit and snot. I don’t know how long he kept it there after but it took the longest to heal of everything, at least so far.

I hold the cool rag out to her by one end, letting her grasp it from the other and give her a small smile. She returns it, meekly, and lies back down, eyes following me as I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch my legs out in front of me.

“Okay, how about I—”

The light goes off. I didn’t realize it was “night” yet…

She sucks in a breath and I hear her shift on the other side of the room.

I jump to my feet, feeling the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and blink, trying to adjust to the dark, but I can’t see anything and she’s just shadows wearing all black. I think I see her hovering just beside the door but I can’t be sure and that’s when I notice the red light is also off.

“Hey—”

Her cool hands grip my wrists and she pulls me down to sit on the floor between the beds. She really is like a cat burglar sneaking around soundlessly. My foot touches her shin so I uncross my legs and put my feet on the ground, pushing myself back until I’m against the metal bed frame. It’s only a few degrees colder than my body in this heat but it still feels nice. I can’t be sure in the dark, but it feels like she’s followed me and closed the distance I just tried to make although, we’re still only touching where she holds onto my wrists. She drops one now and keeps my right hand in both of hers, cradling it palm side up in one hand while the other still grips my wrist.

“What—”

She lifts my hand with a little tremble to her grasp, brings it up so my middle finger brushes against her chin as she shakes her head. She lowers my hand, still cupped in hers, and presses her finger against my lips for a moment then she taps my ear.

I nod while she can still feel it. I guess that even if they can’t see us, they can hear us. I trust she knows better than I do since clearly, that would be a keystone to whatever process resulted in this being the closest to a two-sided conversation we’ve ever had.

She takes a deep breath and brings her shaking finger to my palm. At first, I don’t understand and think maybe she just wants to be near. Then I realize she’s spelling something. I gently shake my hand under her fingertip, like erasing an etch-a-sketch, so she’ll start again. She inhales again, which makes me think she understood.

The first is E, I think. The next two are the same, following the assumption that the first was oriented to my perspective. One more and it’s unmistakable. I catch her paused, hovering finger in mine, gently, so she can pull away, but she doesn’t.

E-M-M-A.

It’s her name. She told me her name.

I almost speak it out loud before realizing what it would mean if they heard. She effectively broke her silence by doing this and I don’t even know what she is risking or why she decided it was worth it.

I slowly take her whole hand in both of mine, tenderly, like holding a bird. Her breathing hitches up a notch and I can tell she’s already been working to keep it quiet. I bring her hand to my lips. This feels like a long shot and like it might be confusing or dumb, but I have to try. I know she’s likely not a lip reader but maybe for someone locked in silence, it will mean something.

Emma, I mouth, Emma, Emma, Emma.

Her hand is trembling by the time she slips it out of mine. She’s intermittently, unsteadily holding her breath.

By now, I can see her silhouette in the dark and she is as close as possible without touching me. She—Emma—is sitting, curled up tight with her chin on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs in between my legs. My knees must be level with her shoulders and I can smell the scent of soap on her. I reach out slowly and her eyes flash to the side as they register my hand but she doesn’t move. I softly touch the pad of my thumb to her cheekbone, just under the outside of her right eye, and find it damp. I don’t dare lay the rest of my hand on her face but I can feel the air warming between our skin, growing heavy, until it develops its own polarity.

I don’t know how long we stay like that before footsteps in the hall separate us. She takes my hand in both of hers and squeezes my palm before going to stand by the door where a lackey appears with a flashlight and she goes quietly. They don’t come back for me and I eventually fall asleep. When I wake up, the red light is back but Emma is not.

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#whump #whumpees #multiple whumpees #caregiver #hurt/comfort #strangulation tw #choking cw #dehumanization tw #captivity tw #torture cw #angst #scars tw #burns tw #i cant stop writing these two

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hallowed-be-thy-username · 4 years

Text

First I wanted to say that I binge read a lot of your fics and I love all of them! Thx for sharing your amazing work with us 💜 I wondered if I may request a fic with J and a reader who's insecure about her body because she's a little bit chubby (really only a little bit). But she was mocked in her past, and now she hardly wants to show anything of her body, e.g. even in summer she never wears shorts etc. Fluff would be great 💚 Feel free to ignore my request if you don't like writing about it.

Hello, anon!! I’m back with your fic! Thank you so much again for your request 🥺💕 I hope you see it and I really hope its what you were looking for! It’s a very fluffy comfort fic with a very soft version of J. A girl needs some comfort sometimes!

Self-insert, Ledger Joker x fem reader, comfort, fluff, fluff fluff

Word count: 2, 574 🙈

Warnings: body issues/low self-esteem, anxiety, triggers involving removing clothes, not quite NSFW but clothing is taken off

Heat

Sweat beaded on your forehead as you reached to turn on the fan by your window. The artificial breeze did little to relieve your discomfort brought on by the sweltering heat wave blanketing Gotham.

Summer decided it wasn’t finished yet and the temperature suddenly soared this late September evening with no sign of cooling down, even with the setting of the harsh sun. You hated the summer. Sweaty clothing sticking to your skin, the humidity in the air making you feel sluggish. Everyone walked around in shorts and tank tops, soaking up the sun’s rays at parks and on patios, or cooling off in the waves at the shore, comfortable showing their skin. You weren’t.

This time of year was hard for you. You didn’t want to show your body. Long pants and shirts with enough fabric to conceal your torso, thats all you wore, even when you were by yourself. People would see you walking around in jeans and a zip-up hoodie in ninety degree weather and look at you like something was wrong with you. There wasn’t anything wrong with you, well not in that way. You’d been mocked for your appearance so much during your life, especially when you were young, that if you spent too long in front of a mirror you’d find plenty of things. You’d look at your reflection and lament about the little extra weight you carry, your smaller bust, this crease, that stretch mark. People are cruel. People are shallow. If you don’t have a body that meets their standards, they’re sure to tell you.

Part of what attracted you to Joker was the fact that he couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks of him. His clothes were loud, his face was one that no one can ignore, his presence commanded attention. He basked in it, reveled in having eyes on him, but had no interest in their opinion. As long as he made a lasting impression, he was happy. Of course he knew that he would, no one forgot him.

You certainly didn’t. You saw his face and were instantly mesmerized. His eyes drew yours in and held them there with an invisible force. Of all places to find yourself, it had to be at Gotham National Bank that morning. Everything happened so fast. Fear turned into fascination and fascination turned into an unlikely new job for you. When he didn’t scare you away, curiosity flashed on his face. You couldn’t look away. He let you go on one condition, you worked for him now. You were his eyes and ears, a little birdie, listening for rumors and word of mouth from around the city. He found your inconspicuousness useful.

You managed to keep your feelings secret for awhile now. You couldn’t help your attraction to him, he was so enigmatic and charming. His charm was undoubtedly a tool he used for manipulation but with you, it felt different. He didn’t try to scare you. He towered over your shorter stature but you liked it, when he stood over you he was all you could see. He started calling you names like “doll face” and “kitten”, even “my little bird”, making your heart flutter every time he said them. You never saw him interact with anyone in a romantic way, but you had a feeling the ability was there, hiding. There was a softness in his hands that you could see. He always said his scars scared people, not you though. You wanted to run your fingertips over them, kiss them, love them. You felt this emptiness, a lack of intimacy, that you wanted him to fill.

But you couldn’t do anything. You didn’t feel like you were good enough for him. He’s the Joker, how could you be good enough for him?

You apartment door swung open and you jumped from your chair, scrambling to your feet.

“Jump-y little bird, aren’t ya?” Joker chuckled.

Your widened eyes narrowed at him before sighing and flopping back into your seat. “Well someone suddenly bursting into my apartment is a little startling, yeah.”

Joker grinned and giggled again, he always seemed to have fun getting you riled up so you’d be snarky with him. “Ahh what’s got your knickers in a knot, hm?”

“Its… its just so hot out,” you answered, your face darkening at his mention of your underwear.

It was so hot out he was without his trademark purple trench and suit jacket, even his vest and tie were missing. The sleeves of his hexagon shirt were rolled up so you couldn’t stop eyeing his bare forearms. He cocked an eyebrow as his eyes studied your attire. “Uhh it would prob-ably help if your weren’t dressed for a, ah, snow storm, doll.”

You smirked and huffed a giggle at his joke like you always would, trying to hide that the subject of your appearance was already starting to grate at your nerves.

“No! Not a snow storm! I just, um, I like to be comfortable,” you lied with a smile on your face.

But you couldn’t fool him. He saw right through your phony casual demeanor, tilting his head to the side while he stared at you, waiting for you to tell him the truth.

You still tried to change the subject. “S-so, uh, I heard something about Batman today.”

Of course he knew you were lying. He could see the hesitation in your eyes, the way your brow was slightly furrowed, your nervous fingers fidgeting with the loose thread on your shirt.

“Nooo you didn’t,” he said in a deep voice, his tongue flicking over his lip. He continued to wait with his eyes on you, breaking down the façade you were attempting to build in front of you.

You swallowed and stared at him, the forced grin dropping from your face. He wanted to be serious. Alright, you can be serious. You always joked about things but never this. It was too personal.

“You’re gonna make me talk about this?” you asked, your heart now pounding in your throat.

Joker nodded slowly. He didn’t like to be lied to, you knew this, and he wouldn’t let it go until you talked. He stepped closer, his expression like stone while he lowered himself to sit in front of you. Your instincts compelled you to hide yourself even more so you drew yours knees in to your chest. He wasn’t going to back down.

You kept your eyes on his and look a deep breath before looking away, your hands starting to shake. “I… don’t like the way I look. I cover myself with clothes so I don’t have to see, so no one else can see.”

Tears formed behind your eyes, burning with embarrassment. Why did you say that? You’ve never told that to anyone and you just told Joker. Why? Your head started to buzz and your chest tightened. You wished that the floor would open and swallow you up so you wouldn’t have to face his ridicule.

“You care about that?” you heard him ask.

Your heart nearly stopped and your gaze jerked back over to his face. What did he just say?

“Um… what?”

His heavy black eyelids blinked at you and he said, “That’s no way to live your life, my little bird.”

All you could do was blink back, your mouth opening to speak but no words came to mind. You never expected him to say something like that.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. I wanna see. You’re gonna show me,” he said, completely serious.

Your stomach sank so violently you though you were going to throw up. “What?? No! N-no…” You couldn’t think of anything else to say, this situation was heading in an unexpected direction so fast it was making your head spin.

He reached out and gripped your wrist when you tried to stand up. He’d never touched you before. His hands were rough but also soft. His skin was so warm. You stopped and slowly lifted your eyes to meet his, your rapid breath slowing.

“I won’t force ya, doll, its not like that at all. But… you’ll feel better.”

You stared back into his eyes. They looked different. He looked at you with a sort of reverence, like you were the one that would be granting him the privilege. Something stirred inside you. He was suddenly holding the door open for your relationship to become something more. You’d always wished it so, but now you were nervous. Your pulse was racing again and you tried to come up with something to say. You didn’t think you could do it. What if he didn’t like your body? What if you disgusted him? What if…

“What if I do it too, hm?” he asked.

Your eyes widened and you almost choked as your throat when dry as a bone. You’d… get to see him too? Now you really couldn’t speak.

His eyes took in your expression before he leaned forward and slowly used his hold on your wrist to guide your hand to his chest, where his shirt was buttoned near the top.

“I’ll go first,” he said softly.

Your fingers touched his chest and goosebumps prickled your arms despite the oppressive heat. You stared at your fingertips that now touched him so lightly. You’d never touched him before either. A tingling feeling swirled in your belly and you looked from your hand to his eyes. His eyelids heavy, he silently nodded at you.

Your fingers trembled as your other hand came up to grip the fabric, sliding the button through. It was like you had no control over them as your hands continued to move down each button, his chest steadily rising and falling with his breath. You looked at his skin, small scars littered over his chest as it was slowly revealed to you. Then he slipped his suspenders off of his shoulders to pull his arms out of the shirt, leaving it on the chair behind him. He watched you stare at his naked torso before kicking his shoes off and bending to pull off his socks. Without hesitation, he stood and unbuttoned his pants to let them fall to the floor, stepping out of them to stand in front of you, wearing only a pair of black boxer shorts.

Now the room felt even hotter, your blood rushing to the surface and face flushed from watching him just undress in front of you, like it was no big deal. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, his body like a magnet for them while your heart thumped against your ribs. You felt his gaze on you and you slowly looked up at him.

“Your turn, doll. Are ya ready?”

Your breath quickened and you bit your lip. Maybe he was right. You spent so much effort and went through so much discomfort to hide yourself from people. He made it look so easy. Maybe you would feel better.

You cleared your throat and said quietly, “Can, um… can you– can you do it for me?”

He nodded and put out his hand for you to take. A tingle traveled down your back and he lead you away from the windows to the privacy of your bedroom to sit you down on your bed. He caught you in his gaze once more before gently taking your arms out of your hoodie, his fingertips brushing against the skin on your arms to raise yet another ripple of goosebumps.

You took a sharp inhale when he lightly gripped the bottom of your t-shirt and he stopped. You tried to gain control of your breathing and stared at his hands. Fear tightened your muscles and all of your insecurities came bubbling to the surface. Memories of sports physicals, locker rooms, and swim class, anxiety about having to take your clothes off, flooded your mind. This almost didn’t feel real.

Then Joker let go of your shirt and started running his hands up your arms. It felt… amazing. His touch was light and gentle, comforting. It was so unlike what you’d expect. He was carefully taking in all of the bends and curves, paying attention to your details. You didn’t feel like he was scrutinizing, just appreciating. The urge to feel his hands on more of you made your stomach flutter you took his hands to guide them back to the hem of your shirt. He looked up at you and you nodded slightly.

Slowly, he lifted your shirt until it was over your head. Your eyes were squeezed shut when you felt his fingertips on your collar bone while he coaxed you to lay back. Your eyelids softened but you kept your eyes closed while he took his time tracing it before running his finger down the center of your chest, between your breasts. Your breathing quickened and he slowed down again, taking care to pay attention to how you reacted to where he put his hands. His thumbs grazed your belly when he ran his palms down your sides. You stiffened a bit as he entered an area you were self-conscious about, but you started to relax when he carefully caressed the plush skin from the center outward to follow your curves with his fingers. You sighed when he placed his hands on your shoulders to glide his fingers over your chest then down to your waistband. He gripped the button on your jeans and stopped, waiting until you opened your eyes.

His gaze was tranquil, putting you at ease and giving you a confidence you didn’t know you had. A soft smile tugged at the corners of your mouth and you nodded again before he unbuttoned your pants and gently pulled them down. You tried to keep yourself calm as you watched your legs become uncovered, marks and lines highlighting every area you’ve spent so long deploring, wishing you could change, hiding.

Your thoughts began to revert to their typical self disparagement until Joker laid his hands on your thighs, palms flat, one on each leg. He was knelt over you with your ankles between his knees. He slid his hands down toward your knees, putting light pressure, like a massage. He hadn’t said a word since he started undressing you but it didn’t seem like he needed to. His hands rubbed and kneaded your muscles, fingers traced your shapes, and palms soothed. You even felt cooler. He continued to explore your body, rubbing your calves and your ankles, with nothing but admiration, like he was grated access to appreciate something beautiful. You felt like one of those women in Renaissance paintings, reclined on soft cushions to be venerated by an attentive admirer.

He lifted his fingers from your ankles and sat back for a moment. His eyes scanned down your body while you breathed and he purred in a low voice, “Now you, well you are a sight to behold, doll face.”

A genuine smile stretched across your face and suddenly he moved to bring his face up to yours, his hands propping him over top of you. “Feel better?” he murmured, his lips so close they nearly grazed yours.

“I… I do actually,” you said softly, your hands coming up to grip his shoulders while your heart raced.

“Good.”

His lips took hold of yours to pull you into a deep kiss, wrapping you in a different kind of heat.

#heath ledger joker #ledger!joker #the dark knight #soft!joker #joker fanfiction #joker x you #ledger joker x reader #anon request #tw anxiety #tw body negativity #tw low self esteem

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the-cult-of-russo · 3 years

Text

Push and Pull (Part 16) (first half)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OC

A/N: So I had to split this chapter into two posts because it was so long it exceed the text limit lmao but I'm not making it two separate chapters because it would mess up the chapter numbers. I'm posting the next half right after this, so don't worry 😉

Warnings: cursing, angst

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She spent the day relaxing and ended up having a long soak in the bath. She put a few drops of lavender and ylang-ylang oil in for good measure. Her body was sore from everything recently and she was enjoying the moment of peace. She wondered how essential oils affected Matt. They had numerous effects on normal people, lavender being calming and ylang-ylang causing an aphrodisiac effect. She wondered if it affected Matt stronger than normal. Maybe that would be his downfall. A bunch of lavender to knock out Daredevil. The thought made her chuckle.

After a long well deserved soak, she washed her hair and even conditioned it for good measure. With the weather getting warmer and all the physical activity she'd been doing recently, her waves were getting dry and frizzy. Once she was done, she got dried and dressed in her pyjamas for now. Leaving her hair down to dry naturally. She wouldn't bother getting ready until Karen was here to help her. She was actually a little excited about having a girl come over. Brett had been her only friend for the longest time and that was only in a work context. Then there was Foggy. But it wasn't the same as having a girl friend and she'd forgotten what that felt like. The closest being when her sister was close by. She was looking forward to the change of pace.

Hours later, Karen turned up. She looked pretty in a dark green swing dress, her hair slightly curled and pinned to one side. Daphne could see why Foggy was smitten with her. They'd gotten along better than she expected, chatting up a storm, even if some of it was lies on her behalf since she wasn't really going on a date.

"Oh! I love this one. Try this one on!" Karen gushed, pulling out a black dress from the closet. It was on the shorter side and was the kind of dress that clung to her in all the right places. The top part was lacey, like a bralette, the pattern intricate enough that she could get away with it without a bra. Then it turned into a black smooth cotton with the same black lace overlaid on top of it. It was one of her favourites if she was honest. It cinched in her small waist and made her ass and boobs look fantastic.

After getting herself inside of it, she looked in the mirror. Her hair and make-up hadn't been done yet but she forgot how good she looked in this one.

"Damn. I'd never pull something like that off," Karen grinned from beside her at the mirror. She wasn't wrong. It wasn't the look so much as the vibe it gave off. Karen suited better to prettier things and that wasn't a bad thing.

"I think you look beautiful. Foggy's gonna fall head over heels when he sees you," Daphne smiled warmly as she turned to look at her. Karen blushed heavily and it only made her smile more how much she was clearly into Foggy.

"Thanks. What about Matt though? Like you said, he might not be able to see but he just senses these things. His jaw's gonna fall to the floor like in a cartoon," Karen giggled. Daphne bit her lip with a smirk. She sat down and allowed Karen to mess with her hair as she did her own makeup. She was handy with the stuff when she needed to be but she didn't really like how it felt on her face. She opted to forgo foundation which was the devil in her opinion and instead just framed her eyes with a more natural light smokey eye, winged liner and tonnes of mascara. She then painted her lips with a matte brown colour. She finished the look with one of her silver necklaces. It was a choker style necklace but delicate looking. The thin silver chain wrapped around her neck and had a little crescent moon charm dangling off it.

"I keep wanting to try these ones. I hate when my lipstick just vanishes when I eat or drink," Karen mused as she looked through the make up bag, holding up one of the same types of liquid lipsticks Daphne had put on herself.

"You should try one," she suggested. Karen looked excited, sitting down on the bed next to her and looking in the small mirror they'd propped up against the headboard.

It gave Daphne a moment to admire her hair. Karen had complemented her hair immensely to the point it made her blush. She’d always thought of her hair as more of a nuisance because she couldn't be bothered to do anything with it. Karen wanted to keep it mostly down, saying she was in love with the purple waves. She’d pinned half of it up in some intricate twists that to Daphne honestly seemed like witchcraft to achieve. It looked good though. Some waves framing her face and the twists at the crown of her head. The rest of her hair cascaded past her shoulders.

"What do you think?" Karen asked, her voice filled with uncertainty. Daphne glanced at her, smiling with a nod. Karen had picked a deep pink colour that complemented her skin tone and her dress.

"I love it! You should keep that one. It doesn't suit me at all but it looks really good on you," she urged. Karen blinked at her for a moment before smiling shyly, tucking it away in her purse.

They both took a moment to admire themselves in the bigger mirror before they grabbed their purses and left. Daphne felt weird walking in heels again. She typically opted for wedges in situations like these because at least she could walk fine in those. Her black simple wedges made her dress stand out more and Karen had to spend five minutes convincing her to leave her hoodie behind and wear her fitted leather jacket instead. She knew her hoodie ruined the look but the comfort it brought her had her whining as Karen pulled her out of the door.

They took a cab, neither of them wanting to walk in heels to the restaurant and get blisters. They sat in the back and Karen pulled out her phone.

"Oh no. We're ten minutes late," she muttered fretfully.

"Fashionably late," Daphne smirked, causing the blonde to giggle a little. She could really tell that Karen was excited for this and she felt less bad about lying if it meant being the catalyst for her and Foggy to finally take this step forward. She was excited herself but for very different reasons. She couldn't wait for the food and drink and to try and see how much she could push Matt when he had to behave like this. She wouldn't go too far, not wanting him to ruin the date for the two people actually on a real one.

When the cab pulled up outside of EnchiNada, Daphne pulled some notes from her purse and paid the driver before Karen had the chance. Karen gave her a look but she ignored it. She did just get a huge deposit from her new wealthy client after all. She brought the money not knowing if Foggy would even have enough to pay for all her drinks. She wasn't sure if Matt would throw a tantrum and ruin it since he was so unpredictable, and she'd feel bad if she caused him to ruin the night. If it was genuinely her fault then she'd happily pay for all of them as a way of saying sorry to Foggy. She just hoped Matt wasn't a dick, even when she annoyed him on purpose. He deserved it after how he'd been acting lately. She could have paid for her own meal anyway but Foggy roped her into this and if it went well then she expected that payment.

They stepped out and Daphne glanced at Karen. She looked ridiculously nervous and it made her smile. Foggy and Karen would be adorable together.

"Ready?" She asked softly. Karen looked at her and nodded stiffly, allowing Daphne to link her arm with hers. Daphne hoped it helped ease her anxiety a little.

"How aren't you nervous right now?" She whispered, panicked as they walked through the entrance.

"It's the dress," Daphne smirked playfully. Karen giggled and glanced around before quirking a brow at her.

"You're not kidding. I think every guy just stopped to stare at you," she muttered with a light laugh. She was catching a lot of eyes.

Her own green orbs swept the restaurant and landed on the two people she was looking for sat near the back. Matt was already looking in their direction and she saw him say something to Foggy who then also looked over before looking ready to pass out from nerves. Foggy was wearing a white shirt and no doubt dress pants, his hair combed back a bit. Matt was wearing a black button down shirt with no tie like he would in his lawyer mode. The top buttons were undone and his sleeves rolled up a little. His glasses weren't on but she presumed they'd be close by and she could see his cane resting on the table. He cleaned up nicely honestly. She wasn't surprised.

The restaurant itself was beautiful. It was dimly lit and there were fairy lights strung all around the walls. Numerous pieces of Mexican art but not too much. The ambience was nice and chill with some Mexican music playing very quietly in the background. It was packed full of people, chatting and eating and having a good time.

"There they are," Daphne whispered, gesturing to where the boys were. Karen took a shaky breath as they walked arm in arm to the table.

"Ladies! I didn't expect you to come together, and late too. I mean just a little. I'm not complaining," Foggy rambled nervously as he stood to greet them, Matt standing too to be polite.

"We had some girl time and got ready together," Karen replied shyly. Foggy reached out and gave Daphne a hug and Karen and Matt exchanged a quick hug.

"You look… I mean… wow," Foggy mumbled and shyly kissed Karen on the cheek. Daphne was too busy watching the cutest couple in the world with a dopey smile on her face and jumped a little when she felt Matts lips on her own cheek. She should have known since they were on a ‘date’. It needed to look real.

"You look breathtaking," he whispered, his voice low and making her belly clench. She moved away and looked up at him, his eyes unfocused on her face as his lips quirked up in a sly smirk. So he planned on pushing her buttons too. Game on. She was aware of Karen glancing at them curiously.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she smiled up at him, running her hand up his chest. She felt him tense and watched his adams apple bob as he swallowed. He lowered his head, pulling her seat out for her. She smirked to herself as she sat and noticed Foggy practically mimicking his best friend, watching what he was doing before he pulled out Karen's chair. It was like watching a little brother copy his older brother. It was cute.

While they waited for the server to come by with the menu, she glanced at the couple sitting opposite her and Matt. They both seemed really nervous and clearly didn't know how to break the ice. It wasn't like they never spent time with each other; they were friends. But the prospect of the date seemed to have them both acting like they'd never met. She decided to help out. Familiar ground to help them ease back into being around each other, even if it was a different context.

"So Karen, what's it like working for these two? Honestly, I'd tear my hair out," she snorted with a warm smile. Karen looked relieved, tension leaving her shoulders and Daphne was pretty sure she knew what she was doing because she shot her a grateful look.

"It's good. I really love it there. Sometimes I wanna smack their heads together, but it's fun," she grinned.

"Yeah but, not me right? I mean smack Matt's head all day long, I get it, but not mine," Foggy huffed playfully. Karen laughed, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Does that mean I get to smack your head? I think I'd really enjoy that," Matt smirked. Just as she hoped it set them into some easy small talk and then the server popped up and placed the menus on the table.

Daphne looked at them and frowned, not even thinking when she looked up at the young man serving them with a raised brow.

"Do you have one in braille?" She asked carefully. The server looked to Matt then and looked somewhat bashful.

"We don't, I'm sorry," he muttered. Foggy looked like he was about to open his mouth and he had a grumpy look on his face. Daphne was anticipating one of his rants about establishments and how they don't care about blind people, he'd done it before when swapping life stories with her. She didn't want him to ruin the mood of the date.

"You know what? It's fine. I can read it to him," she shot the waiter a smile and he nodded before scurrying off.

"I swear, one of these days-" Foggy started grumbling, getting promptly cut off by Daphne.

"Hey, it just gives me an excuse to kick up the romance, right?" She asked him pointedly. Trying to give him a huge hint. Realization dawned on his face then and he nodded, glancing at Karen with a sheepish smile.

"I can read it to you too… if you wanted?" Karen asked Foggy shyly. He looked flustered for a moment before grinning with a nod. These two, seriously.

She scooted her chair closer to Matt who had been silent through the whole thing. He was probably used to it all by now.

"Ready?" She asked softly. She wasn't going to be an asshole with this part. He couldn't actually read the menu, she wasn't that much of a bitch.

"Yeah… thanks," he murmured in response. She picked up the menu before listing off what they had, keeping her voice quiet as the other couple did the same. Once again, the pair seemed to follow their example, bringing their chairs closer together. It was quite intimate and it was sweet.

"I think I'm gonna have the enchiladas. They sound so good," Daphne mused when she’d read it all out.

"I think that sounds good for me too," he replied. He seemed high strung tonight for some reason, she kept seeing him do his head tilt thing and clench his fists. Something was annoying him and she hadn't even started yet. He moved away from her a little as she set the menus down and the server came over and took their orders.

"And for drinks?" The guy asked politely.

"Uh… just a beer for me," Foggy requested.

"And me," Matt said with a nod.

"A bottle of tequila sounds good," Daphne said, shooting a sly smirk at Foggy when he looked at her shocked. Didn't expect that did you?

"Oh, I've never tried tequila before," Karen mused.

"Share it with me. It's so good," Daphne grinned. Karen nodded as the man wrote their order down.

"I see you're a woman with exceptional taste," he commented casually with a glance at Daphne. Matt sat up straighter and cleared his throat causing the waiter to look back down before leaving to place their order.

"Wow, it really is the dress," Karen giggled to her, making her snort.

"What does it look like?" Matt piped up, looking for all intents and purposes like a curious blind man even though she knew better.

"Well it's-" Daphne started, her mouth clamping shut when he held up a hand and shook his head. He turned his head to the couple across the table.

"I'd like to hear it from them. We all know how modest you are, Daphne, I want to know what it really looks like," he flashed her a sly grin and she had no idea what he was doing but she rolled with it. At Matt's expectant gaze, Foggy's mouth floundered.

"I… uh… Karen?" He asked, shooting her a pleading look. Maybe he was scared of saying anything nice when he was on a date with someone else. It was hilarious. Karen snorted and shook her head at him, glancing back to Daphne and then Matt.

"It's a black. The top part is lace. It's a really pretty design on it. Then the rest is a black lace overlaying black fabric. She's got a great body so it clings her to her in all the right places," Karen shot her a cheeky grin and she hated that she blushed from it. Karen was obviously trying to butter up her 'date' for her. If only she knew.

"It sounds beautiful," Matt murmured, glancing back at her still playing his little act.

She decided to play his game and gently took one of his hands.

"Here, you can feel it," she smiled, fluttering her lashes at him even though he couldn't see. Her hand was holding his and she rested it on her collar bone where the lace tapered off into a strap. His finger trailed along and upwards, not about to touch her breasts in front of everyone, and trailed down the back where it was much safer to do so. His touch was feather light and touched her skin as they slid down the strap. She felt her stomach clench as he did it, rousing goosebumps on her skin. A quick side glance caught a devilish smirk on his face, he was doing it on purpose. His fingers trailed further and came to more lace and his hand continued to where it turned into the rest of the dress.

"Okay, Jeez, no heavy petting at the table," Foggy whined. Matt moved his hand with a chuckle as Karen burst out laughing at his outburst.

"Hey, man. I'm blind. I see with these," Matt smirked, wiggling his fingers and making his friend groan in annoyance. Karen seemed to find the whole thing amusing though. Daphne was feeling a little flustered and was more than happy when the drinks were put down. The bottle of tequila was set in the middle with four shot glasses. Of course they'd presume it was for all of them. She guessed she didn't mind sharing some of it. The boys had their beers placed in front of them too.

"Yes!" Daphne grinned, swiping the bottle greedily before starting to pour four shots. She set them out in front of them all.

"Drink up," she smirked.

"I don't think that's a good-" Matt started, she shot him a look.

"Really? You wanna be the Debbie downer of this party, Matthew?" She asked with a sigh.

"Yeah, Matt. Come onnnn," Foggy pleaded.

"It'll be fun," Karen grinned in a sing-song voice.

"I hope you know this is peer pressure," he relented, grabbing the shot glass.

"To double dates!" Foggy grinned. Daphne almost laughed. They all slammed their shots down and Foggy made a ridiculous noise with shudder.

"Don't be such a baby," Daphne laughed at him.

"Wow that was strong," Karen murmured.

"That's why it's my favourite. One time I got so drunk off this stuff, I woke up on a fishing boat," she snorted, licking her lower lip. Karen and Foggy burst out laughing as Matt looked at her incredulously.

"How?" Was all he managed to get out.

"Honestly no idea. One minute I'm drinking and the next I wake up on a boat full of old dudes that don't speak a lick of English. They were good to me though. Fed me some instant noodles before sending on my way," she grinned at the memory, pouring herself another shot.

"That's insane! How old were you?" Karen asked curiously.

"Around 19. My parents chewed me out so bad for that because I missed college," she rolled her eyes, settling back in her chair. She’d only had one shot but the warmth bloomed in her chest and she enjoyed it.

"College? You never told me you went to college," Foggy complained. He sounded so offended and she laughed. Karen gave him a grin, shaking her head at him.

"Well I mean, I dropped out so it didn't feel worth mentioning," she shrugged.

"Foggy's gonna cry about this for a week now. He loves to know every little bit of his friends' lives," Matt teased with a grin. Foggy flipped him off making the girls giggle.

"What did you study?" Karen asked. She genuinely sounded interested and Daphne shifted in her seat a little.

"Photography," she explained.

"Of course!" Foggy said dramatically.

"That's where it all started, huh?" Matt asked with a smirk.

"I bet you were a real wild child. I bet the tequila story is nothing for you," Karen grinned at her.

"Are you telling me you never rebelled at all?" She quipped back playfully.

"I guess I did," Karen replied. She was smiling but there was an inflection in her voice. There was something there Karen didn't want to talk about so she decided not to press.

"You heard this, Matt. We scored a couple of bad girls. What kind of lawyers are we?" Foggy asked, acting disappointed in himself. Matt barked a laugh and she giggled when Karen slapped Foggy's arm.

"Right, I bet you two were little angels in college," Karen teased.

"We partied a bit but never anything crazy," Foggy defended.

"Honestly I didn't party too much. Not a big people person," Daphne defended with a grin.

"Shocker," Matt murmured next to her. She squinted at him as Foggy snorted.

"I mostly got in trouble for fights," she shrugged.

"Fights like real fights?" Foggy asked, sounding surprised.

"I had issues with using my fists and not my words. I was never actually good at fighting but it's amazing what you can do if you're pissed off enough," she murmured.

"Were they critiquing your people skills?" Matt asked dryly.

"It's like you want me to punch you," she commented with a sweet smile.

"I'd like to see you try, sweetheart," he smirked, raising a brow. She made a mental note to try and kick his ass next training session. Karen seemed to take their banter as flirting and gave her a look as if she thought the date was going well.

Soon enough the food was at their table and Daphne was loving it. She wanted to come here at some point on her own. They'd been making casual small talk and the night had actually been going really well. She hadn't even fucked with Matt too much as she kept getting distracted by the drink, amazing food and actually good conversation.

"So I have to ask, how did you two meet?" Karen smiled glancing between Daphne and her fake date. She should have known this was coming. Foggy choked on his food a bit and Karen looked at him worried before smacking his back a little.

"We met at the precinct, just kinda crossed paths I guess," she shrugged with a grin.

"She had that bad attitude and I couldn't resist," Matt smirked. She rolled her eyes at him and the others laughed.

"Daphne told me you've been training her. Helping her defend herself," Karen mused, just making conversation.

"Yeah. She's actually doing really good. She's a fast learner," he actually sounded sincere and she couldn't help glowing with the praise.

"I can't even imagine how scary that must have been for you though. What that guy did… and now he's awake again," Karen said with a furrowed brow. Daphne stilled completely, her head whipping from one person at the table to the other. Matt grimaced, looking down at the table and Foggy looked like he'd seen a ghost. Karen glanced at them before her eyes widened a little.

"Wait. You- you guys didn't tell her?" She asked hesitantly. Daphne's heart went into overdrive and she hated how those simple words had an effect on her. But she was also more bothered by the betrayal she felt at no one telling her.

"He's awake and you guys just didn't think it was important to tell me?" Her voice was tight and higher pitched than normal and she saw Foggy deflate as if realising he and Matt had ruined the date. She released then just how much Foggy meant to her because she felt bad. She didn't want Karen's association with the date to be a bad one because then she might not have a second one with him.

"You know what, it's fine. Let's not even think about that right now. Let's just enjoy the night," she plastered a smile on her face with force as she grabbed the bottle and poured herself another shot and drank it in one.

"Are you sure?" Karen started carefully. She hated the pity she saw in her eyes.

"Mhm. I don't want it to ruin the date," the word date felt like acid in her mouth as she tried to push back the burning betrayal and dose of anxiety all the way down. She gave her another smile and it seemed to do the trick. Foggy gave her a look that was relief mixed with pure guilt and she looked away.

"I think we should get dessert," Karen said after a moment to diffuse the tension.

"Good idea! We'll go up and order it. You guys want anything?" Foggy asked, standing up so fast his chair almost tipped over.

"No, I'm good thanks," Matt muttered.

"The fudge cake seems good. But can I have it to go so I can eat it later?" She asked politely. So she could eat it in bed tonight when she lost sleep over the mess that the night turned out to be. Karen smiled as she ushered Foggy away and they walked to the counter across the way.

"Daphne," Matt started softly.

"Don't," she bit out with pure anger. She grabbed the bottle but Matt swiped it from her easily and set it back down. The pure need to drink was overwhelming her and she could feel her heart thumping against her ribs.

"I think you've had enough," he scolded lightly. She looked at him with such fury that he recoiled even though he couldn't see it.

"You know what I've had enough of? Lies, people turning out to be shitty. Keeping important things from me," she hissed. She could feel her blood pressure rising with each word and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Come on. Let's get some air," he said firmly, standing up and reaching for her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to stand and she swayed a little from the alcohol and the anxiety making her head rush.

"Wait, where are you guys going?" Foggy asked, confused as he came back to the table Karen in tow after they'd placed the orders.

"Just need some air," Matt murmured, not even sparing them a glance as he ‘watched’ her. They must have seen her anxiety because they just nodded as they sat. Matt led her outside and off to the side out of the way.

"You know, I'd expect this from you, but from Foggy? And Brett? Why didn't Brett call me the second that piece of shit woke up?" She yelled, not caring if people heard her. Matt didn't have his glasses on and his hazel eyes burned into her as he frowned.

"It was me. We only found out because we were with Brett when he got the call. I suggested we wait to tell you and asked Brett to keep it quiet too," he sighed regretfully.

"Why?" Her voice was pained and he grimaced, taking a step towards her.

"What good would it do? If I told you earlier when I found out, all that would have done was make you panic sooner. And you were so set on coming here and helping Foggy out and I didn't want you to just lock yourself away," he explained.

"I like Karen, I really do and I think there's potential to be friends, but do you know what a slap in the face it is to have someone's who's practically a stranger tell me?" She was upset, more than upset and her brain was a pile of mush as she tried to sort through it.

"If I knew this would happen, I would have told you sooner. But it doesn't change anything. He's awake now and there's nothing you could have done differently to change what's happening," he placated.

She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. She didn't want to cry. Not now and not in front of him. She regretted drinking now as it always made her a little more emotional.

"I just want it to end," she lamented.

"I get it, and it will," he soothed. She scoffed and shook her head incredulously.

"You don't get it though, Matt. He got in my head! He messed me up so bad that I barely slept because I didn't want to deal with the nightmares. They finally stopped after we slept together and now they're gonna come back and I'm just gonna drown in the fucking anxiety!" She raged, swinging her arms around wildly as she swayed slightly.

"With all the evidence you have on him, he's going away for life. And I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to know what it's like… what you went through. But I know a thing or two about trauma and nightmares and they get better. Yeah, he's awake, but soon he'll live his life in a cell and be far away from you," he pressed. She bit down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling. Her eyes prickling with tears she was fighting away. That overwhelming helpless feeling had returned along with flashes of Mr Lee's dead body on the floor.

"Matt… you're a lawyer but you're also a vigilante. You can't stand there and tell me that justice always gets served," she hissed quietly, keeping her voice to a minimum. He looked frustrated as he tilted his head looking in her direction.

"I know it doesn't. Believe me I do. But I still try to have faith in the system. This should be an open and shut case. The stuff you have on him will be enough to convince a jury and he'll be gone. And if by some miracle he gets out, I'll keep you safe," he sounded almost desperate and she wanted to believe him.

"Right, what are you gonna do, camp out on my fire escape every night to make me feel safe?" She scoffed bitterly.

"If I have to," he stated firmly. She blinked at him for a moment but her brain was too much of a mess to deal with whatever this was.

"I… I can't sit there in court and face him, Matt. I don't know if I can do it," she whispered brokenly. She hated feeling weak. It had been a rare occurrence in her life and she relished feeling in control. But her attack had flipped her upside down with that and she hated how badly it bothered her. People out there lived through worse things and she was still hung up on this. It made her feel small and stupid.

"You can do this. You're one of the most headstrong, stubborn people I've ever met. You want to bury this whole thing? Then you go to court and tell them what a monster he is. Tell your truth. Mr Lee's truth. Get justice," he said forcefully as he rested his hands on her shoulders. It was pretty motivational, she wouldn't lie. She'd never seen him in court but she bet he was a great lawyer.

She blew out a breath, reigning herself in. Panicking was getting her nowhere and there was truth to Matt's words. She wanted to have faith in the system but after everything she saw with Fisk, it was hard to. But she did have a lot of evidence and she herself was a victim and witness. It would be a good case. Once again it would just be a waiting game and she hated it. The thought of looking at that asshole in the eye made her stomach clench with fear. But she needed to take back that control and maybe that was the only way to do it.

"I uh… always seem to become a mess when you're around," she snorted self deprecatingly as she sniffled. She wrapped her arms around herself as Matt released his hold on her. The night air was a little chilly and she'd left her coat inside.

"I have that effect on people," he teased and she smiled at him.

"Thanks, I guess… for the pep talk. We should get inside," she mumbled awkwardly. She let her guard down around him too many times to be comfortable with it. He'd seen her vulnerable a few times now and it made her feel weird. She didn't like it.

"Right. Back to the double date," he smirked, shaking his head.

"I hope it's going well. It seems like it right?" She asked him as they got to the door. She opened it and he took her arm and it looked like she was leading him.

"I'd say so," he grinned, gesturing with his head. She looked over and saw Karen and Foggy sat close together, smiling and talking to each other. She felt a pang of envy watching them. She glanced at Matt as they made their way through the make of tables and people but his head was already tilted in her direction.

"What?" She asked softly.

"Nothing," he muttered, turning away from her again. Weird, but nothing new for him.

They finally reached the table and the pair smiled widely at them. She smiled back as they sat down. They had empty plates in front of them from dessert and in her place was a box.

"How was the cake?" Daphne asked.

"Amazing. The best cake ever," Foggy beamed, looking at Karen every so often like he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"It was. I think you'll really like it," Karen agreed with a warm smile. She really did like the woman and it would be nice to add to her new collection of friends. Something she never thought she'd want.

Karen excused herself to go to the restroom and Foggy watched her go with a love sick smile on his face.

"Going well?" She asked him. His eyes dropped to her then and be flushed with a nod.

"Better than I hoped. And I know things went a little… ass upwards at the end but I really appreciate you guys doing this for me. And I'm sorry, Daph," he frowned. He looked like a wounded puppy.

"It's fine. We ready cleared it up," Matt murmured, reaching over and patting Foggy’s arm with a smile.

"So… I really wanna walk her home. You know, get some one on one time, talk a little. Make the night last a little longer. But I'm just so…blegh ," he made a swirly motion with his hands and Matt chuckled.

"I've got your back, dude. You both seem to be taking cues from us all night. I think she's as 'blegh' as you are," Daphne teased, making the same hand gesture he did.

"I've not been taking cues from you two!" He defended with a pout.

"You really kinda have been," Matt snorted.

"You're the little brother mimicking his big brother," Daphne grinned. Foggy threw his napkin at her with a playful huff as they all laughed.

"Oh my god, I've been taking cues from a fake couple on a fake date. What is wrong with me?" Foggy whined.

"You're just nervous and want to make sure it goes right, there's nothing wrong with that," Matt smiled at him. It was kind of nice seeing Matt be a decent human to his best friend.

"Thanks, man," Foggy said sincerely. A truly touching moment.

Karen came back after a moment and Daphne glanced at Matt, acting mask in place. She leaned into him a little and smiled, watching his confused face turn to her.

"It's nice outside. I think we should walk back to your place, see the stars and all that. That sounds nice, right?" She asked sweetly. Matt seemed to follow her lead as he shot her a smile he'd never given her before. She wondered how many ladies had been on the receiving end of it.

"Of course," he said softly, lacing her hand that was on the table with his. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. A little over the top but he seemed to sell it well as Karen grinned at them. Daphne would deny until her last breath that her heart fluttered when he did it.

"That does sound nice actually," Karen murmured shyly, glancing at Foggy. Foggy quickly shot Daphne a look that she could only interpret as a mental high five before he looked back at the blonde.

"Sounds great," he grinned at her. It was kind of adorable how neither of them knew what to do and seemed to be following hers and Matt's lead, she started wondering just how far she could take it. How many seeds she could plant to get them to make a move on each other. She also felt kind of weird to know just how closely the other pair was watching them. She was very aware she had to stay in character for this to work. Maybe she had too much tequila for her to be overthinking this so much.

They all stood, Matt grabbing his cane and his glasses. He went to put them on but Daphne stopped him, her hand clasping around his.

"Leave them off. I like your eyes," she murmured, her other hand reaching up to his face. His eyes fluttered shut and he swallowed thickly as her fingertips teased his eyelids. She faintly heard a murmured 'aw' from Karen and she inwardly smirked. She removed her hand and he opened his eyes. It was weird how he seemed to look right at her even though he couldn't. He gave her a small smile and nod, slipping his glasses into his pocket.

She laced her hands with his and he used his cane as they navigated their way out. Karen and Foggy behind them. Once they got outside, she noticed the pair also holding hands. Matt's lips quirked up and she knew he knew it too. The four of them stopped on the sidewalk, about to go separate ways.

"It's been really fun guys," Daphne said warmly. She meant it too. Apart from the hiccup she'd actually had a good time. Fake date or not.

"We should do this again sometime," Karen said eagerly. Her cheeks flushed red at her words and she glanced at Foggy like he was going to say no to another date. But Foggy had a dopey grin on his face that he couldn't even hide. She didn't want to say anything about how her and Matt weren't really dating. That was something they'd figure out another time. Foggy could tell her it hadn't worked out and that was that. But they could still all hang out. Foggy and Karen as a couple with her and Matt as 'not really friends but sometimes okay with each other'.

(Continued in next post)

#matt murdock x oc #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock #daredevil x oc #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil

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birdsaesthetic · 3 years

Text

surprises

A/N: Sorry I’m posting my participation for @holidayblindspot very late, but I was so caught up with homework, which never ends... I simply thought I would make Jane’s first birthday with Kurt fall during Autumn, because it’s just the best timing throughout the year, right? Now this is a wordy fic, but I promise it’s so much fun and sexy! Anyway, ENJOY 🎈🥳🍂.

Song inspiration: Happy Birthday by John Legend. (you may listen to this song while reading. It’s so beautiful!)

They’re lying like two spoons in a drawer, very tight against each other. Kurt’s warm, silent breathing is grazing Jane’s neck in a regular rhythm, to which she flutters her eyes open to bright sunlight shining between white curtains, and to the sounds of birds whistling noisily from outside.

For more or less a minute, she stays perfectly still, only blinking in laziness and yawning as she tries to figure out where exactly she was, and to piece together the events of the previous night.

As she does so, she struggles a little; her memory is patchy and there’re definitely several gaps missing, but the parts she can recall are amazingly vivid.

Last night she celebrated her Birthday with Kurt, she remembers that for sure, but not in details. She also remembers having had so much alcohol, which up until now she can taste its powerful taste in her mouth. And at the feeling of her body retaining traces of having been pulled in, kissed, caressed, and given orgasms, she remembers the mind-blowing sex she had last night and so she sighs.

Kurt’s bare skin against her back has the right amount of warmth that now is engulfing her, tempting to shut her eyes close and go back to sleep. She doesn’t resist the urge and does so, just after having rolled over so she can face him, then snuggles deeper into his embrace, wrapping an arms around his middle. Now, at the new posture, her cheek and ear are squished against his chest and as her eyes maintained close, she listens to his heartbeat, vividly pumping against her ear. And so she decides to stay like this for a while, because the feeling is unmatched...

But it’s not after a couple minutes that she reopens her eyes, changed position by crawling a little up, and looks deeply at his face in rest. He’s silent and still. Peaceful and handsome. Half of his face is tucked against the pillow as he lies down on his stomach. A warm smile of contentment begins to form on her sleepy face for having woken up yet another morning of her life next to him, and for being able to see him and touch him while she brushes a hand against his hair to fix its pattern in one side. Next her fingertips outline his ear, which, last night, she’d kissed it, gave it little bites, blown her breath into it, and inhaled its fragrance, all while he was inside her.

As she continues to touch him softly and randomly, a question crosses her mind. Is it really true what Kurt told me last night, that the most beautiful things in the world aren’t necessarily seen, nor touched, but rather felt with the heart?

Even now she’s still thinking about it, even if last night she herself told him that this wasn’t entirely true and then they changed the subject.

A warm touch of yours must be as fulfilling as the feeling it leaves behind it on your beloved ones. And the feels of anticipation rush through your mind is just as exciting as looking into your beloved ones eyes, the window of the soul. This is simply how Jane concluded last night, although back then, at that particular moment, she was a little drunk and very, very sexually aroused. She’s still embracing her conclusion from last night nonetheless, up until now. And again, she thinks that might differ from one person to another.

What else happened last night? Oh God, a lot.

The two were having dinner, grilled salmon steaks with boiled vegetables nicely put aside, when Kurt gazed at Jane from across the table and asked, “Are you ready for tonight?”

Jane looked up at him in surprise; she’d been pouring her full concentration into cutting her steak, but that question, his husky voice, and the teasing look in his eyes, threw her off gurad. “What is tonight?” She asked in confusion, to which Kurt bursted out laughing.

She frowned, hardly swallowed down the chunk of food she was chewing, and then yelled at him, “Kurt!”

He laughed for one last time, before he fixed his eyes on her and stared silently for a little while—surprised to see her own surprise.

Leaning over the table, he said, “It is your birthday, and you seem to have no idea!”

Her jaw dropped to have just remembered that, and then she ducked down her head in an attempt to hide what she knew were flaming cheeks. But did it even work? Since he was mere feet across her from table, and with that huge chandelier hanged right above them, making every little change happening in her face visible?

It wasn’t until she pondered for a brief moment, doing some math in her head and finding out that tonight would actually meet with her Birthday, that she looked up and spoke. “Oh my God! It just slipped my mind.”

Kurt stared at her for a long moment, a warm look in his eyes. He couldn’t blame her, really, given how everything in their life had been crazy lately. Yet, he never forgot it, and had been waiting for it impatiently like a little child waiting for something.

“It’s okay, I remembered it and I’m so ready for it, are you?”

“Ready?”

“Yeah! You gotta be ready too, tonight, after an hour or so. I have a surprise for you.” He told her, before taking a forkful of mixed vegetables into his mouth. It had been long since Jane had put her fork down after realizing that the butterflies in her stomach wouldn't let her continue eating, and now she was watching him chew his food and cut into it for maybe a minute straight.

Normally after dinner was their bedtime: they’d quickly clean off all the mess in the kitchen and wash off the dishes together. Though this time around Jane was excused to go get ready as Kurt did all of that.

She rushed out of his sight then, and went straight away to grip a shower first, which, with haste, had taken her good ten minutes. When she was done with that, she entered the bedroom to find Kurt lying over their perfectly made bed, facing the ceiling, his eyes shut. He also seemed ready, fully dressed up.

Shutting the door behind her, hair soaking wet, body wrapped in a white towel, Jane smiled the tiniest of smiles at the sight of him lying in rest, before she set the lighting to be more illuminating then walked the few paces toward the wardrobe and opened it in search for something to wear tonight. A minute passed, two, three, but she was yet to decide what or how she should dress for tonight.

Staring at the shelves full of clothes, indecisive, she called Kurt’s name, to which he immediately opened his eyes and reasoned, always anticipating her needs.

“What should I wear for tonight? What kinda place you’re taking me to?” She asked, head turned toward him getting up on his feet.

“Umm, I can’t really tell you much. But I can pick you something, if you feel indecisive.”

“Yes, please.”

By now, Kurt was already at the wardrobe next to her, having a brief look at the items within the wardrobe before deciding. A few seconds later of rummaging through the items hanging in the wardrobe he actually ended up choosing something. A soild black dress with long sleeves. It appeared so tiny that it would definitely accentuate every curve in her body, and it would stop at her mid-thigh, leaving the rest of her legs bare.

Kurt’s face broke into the widest grin as he turned around and held up the hanger of the dress so she could have a good look. Just like him, Jane seemed to have loved it so much by the smile appearing in her face as she reached out and took it from his hand. It was a dress that she’d never had a chance to wear it before, so it was in a perfect condition, had been nicely hanged.

Once Kurt dismissed himself out the bedroom, after having shot her a knowing look, Jane took her sweet time as she put on a nice pair of underwear then slipped into the dress. A tiny eureka moment she experienced when it fitted her just like a glove and she chuckled aloud to that. Maybe it looked a little tight, a little short, but she’d fallen in love with it already and decided to match it with black heels. For makeup she didn’t bother with much: she applied minimal eyeshadow and paired it with matte, deep burgundy lipstick that looked so fierce and brought everything to the next level. As usual, she let her hair air dry as she did all of that.

The final look was the simplest yet hottest set, having both the the burgundy lipstick and the mess of tattoos over her legs contrast with the darkness of the dress...

So beautiful.

And, because it was in midst of Autumn, during which chilly winds blew all the times and the sky might be threatening at any given moment, she gripped a coat with her, a black one. Before getting out, she asked Kurt if she should take anything else with her besides that, but he shook his head with ease, approached her, then pressed his mouth against her ear. Keeping his voice to whispers, he told her, “No, nothing. It’s only you that matters.”

That, the slightest attempt of flirting Kurt managed, made her body secrete adrenaline with anticipation of how this night was going to go.

She couldn’t wait any longer.

They left home exactly at midnight. The weather was incredible outside. A perfect example for a perfect Autumn night. There was a really nice chill in the air. Every gentle touch of wind against the face felt like a caress, and every fierce one felt like a kiss. As they walked the few paces to the car, each one wrapping an arm around the other, the two expressed how much they loved the weather.

During the ride, there was a few exchanged loving looks between them, a silent dialogue and lots of teasing smiles. Jane’s eyes, however, glowing with curiosity, were alert and searching for any clue, any possible way to know where Kurt was driving them, because he was too far stubborn to tell her anything about the surprise and she was just as stubborn to know something.

His stillness suddenly made her realize how very constantly she was sifting, blinking, breathing, and rearranging herself every three seconds, because unlike her he seldom blinked an eye, and every turn of the steering wheel or push of the pedal he made was as small and efficient as possible because he was smartly preserving his energy for later.

Jane gave in and leaned back in her seat then; it was wholly pointless, she then realized. So she resembled her husband posture and let things follow its natural course. Or the way he wanted them to.

It was thirty minutes later when Kurt parked the car at a random spot and pulled out a piece of clothing out from his pocket. Her eyes were drawn to it immediately. With a deep glow in his eyes, he looked up at her. “I’ll have to blindfold you now.” He maintained his eyes fixed on her for a long moment, and awaited her to come close enough so he would do it. Seeming amused, Jane made a faint sound and blinked once, twice in his direction, then she rolled her eyes away, grinning.

He didn’t ask again, he awaited with all smiles. And eventually, she gave in, closed her eyes and leaned her head in his direction. His fingers first pushed all the hair that was framing her face to be tucked behind her ears before he tied the rose-colored, silky blindfold around her skull.

Though blindfolded, and the curiosity sparking in her head, Jane kept still and focused on her remaining senses. There was the same breeze of the other cars from outside as before. The air was just starting to grow tense—or perhaps that was just how she felt alone. She took a deep breath that was almost audible and reminded herself that she was in the safest hands in the world.

The car had already started moving. All it seemed it was moving forward for what felt like a full minute then it took a couple turns before it paused completely. Jane turnd her head toward Kurt. “What’s now?” She asked in a low voice, just a second before she felt unexpected caresses on the base of her chinz

“Can you wait some more?” She heard him say, before which she heard the door open within the car then close. It was suddenly awe without him in the car, but thankfully it didn’t take him long to reach her in the other side of the car and open the door for her.

“Your hands, please.”

She gave him both hands and clenched his own so hard her knuckles turned red as he helped her out of the car. It’d gotten much colder by now than when they first left their apartment, but weather it had or not, she clung impossibly close to him, who wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her forward in the streets then into a place that Jane assumed was a huge building, and possibly bright.

The most significant sound Jane could hear now was her heels knocks choing against tiles, besides that there were dull and mixed sounds that could be others moving around.

“Are there people around?” Jane wondered in whispers, before which she felt Kurt warm breathing tickling her ear as he replied, “A few.” She could tell he was grinning as he did so then he asked, “Why are you intense though?”

When she turned her face to him—so she could whisper to him that she wasn’t necessarily intense, but rather feeling ridiculous walking around people while being blindfolded—her lips brushed against his, and that unexpected sensation just made her want to steal a kiss, or two from him so damn badly. But she swallowed that instant urge and put on a smiley face, because she knew it, deep down, that tonight they’d do way more than just ‘stealing a kiss’. She could picture it in her head now, as she continued to walk with him, her back against his front. She could imagine how it would possibly go and to what extent. How it’d possibly feel, before, during and afterward. Because she was more than certain that, whatever kurt had arranged for tonight must have a convenient time, place where they could do all of that.

Together, they’d been moving forward rather slowly, but at some point they paused completely and Kurt happened to be pressed against her from the front. It also got silent. Oddly silent. Jane’s lips were a tight line as she slid her hands up his chest, over the ridge of his collarbone, close to where his heart was beating underneath the clothes. In comparison to her elevated heartbeat, his maintained a normal rhythm. She felt him lift his hands to her cheeks, cupping them. He was so close now, his warmth engulfing her entire being, which resulted in a warm smile to start appearing on her lips.

“Can you tell where are we now?” He asked softly.

“Umm, at the elevator?” She guessed, her smile growing wider.

“Right! Can you tell if we’re alone or not?”

Jane chuckled. “Definitely alone.”

She was still smiling when she felt his fingers lift her chin then him capture and kiss her lips in earnest. Even with a cloth already against her eyelids, she squeezed her eyes hard, the same way she would even if she wasn’t blindfolded, and kept on kissing him back deeper and pulling him closer.

Too soon, the elevator seemed to have stopped when Kurt gently withdrew after planting his final kiss. Catching her breath, mouth slightly open, a wave of dizziness hit Jane, having experienced that much amount of gravitational forces pull her downward simultaneously while the elevator was pulling her upward. she’d lost all her remaining senses at this point, even breathing was a little hard to manage. And so, she dug her nails into Kurt’s shoulders and held him so close as if to hold on for her life.

They stumbled out of the elevator, half-breathless and already a little disheveled. Kurt held her hand in his and tugged her along with him, through what seemed to feel like a very, very quiet and narrow hallway. Forward they moved. Forward. Turning right. Some more forward. Then turning left.

“Kurt,” Jane called quietly, given how quiet it was so all around her, but all she heard after that was her own voice echoing—and of course the knocking of her heels against the floor as she walked some more forward.

Briefly after that, they finally paused. A sound of door was being opened. She was pulled inside then the door closed behind her. They were certainly alone by now, behind that closed door, Jane thought. Also, it got so warm, almost unbearable, given how she was moved, dragged all the way here. So she just loathed that coat she had on.

“Kurt,” she called again.

“Here,” he assured, as his hand released hers, which she never would’ve allowed it if she hadn’t been sure that he was already stepping closer toward her and then stopped, just like before at the elevator.

He began to unzip her coat and it slid easily when she shrugged it off, impatient for this part to be done since, for her, it was growing hot. The next part, he started to untie the blindfold, and she held her breath as he did so.

“Finally,” she muttered.

Kurt’s smiley face was first thing to see. God, it hadn’t been that long and she already missed that lovely face! He stepped back and began to admire the sight of her surprised as her eyes, wide open, traveled across the place he’d gotten her into.

What must be a hotel room looked so beautifully decorated, pretty huge, and the lighting must be on the dimmest setting it could possibly be without being completely off. On very available surface there were nicely put numerous of candles, each one with a little flame flickering and dancing the way her heart was at this exact moment.

Two meters or three away from where she was standing was oversized bed that dominated a majority of space. A single lamp emitted light from the corner of the room, making it atmospherically feel warm.

When she took a deep breath, a bit overwhelmed, there was this heavy fragrance, which made her slightly turned to the side to see red, velvet roses bouquet. It was so huge. Breathtaking. Beside it there was the cake, and she could smell it too. Finally, there were the shelves filled with so many drinks, huge bottles of them in all brands and colors.

Jane jumped into his space and pressed lips together. It was one kiss but it was long, slow, and it carried so much affection within it. When she pulled back, she told him what that meant to her and thanked him repeatedly, every time came from the bottom of her heart, genuinely meant.

Kurt was quiet, unlike her. He let her express—whether it was in words or by gripping harder onto his neck—how she was feeling, and let her hot breathing tickle his face. He was so appreciative to the sight of her so happy, surprisingly blushed, and carefree. It really suited her, being this much happy. He wished if he could just quickly frim her up in this particular position and take a picture of her, so he could admire it later. But she wouldn’t simply let go of him; she was hugging him in earnest, with fluttering eyes that were framed with wet lashes by now.

“Let’s show you around.” Kurt suggested, after what felt like a full minute. She nodded with a warm smile, intertwined their fingers together, and then they stepped toward the other side of the room, where floor-to-ceiling window took place.

It wasn’t just a huge window, when they got closer to it, it was actually a balcony door. There was an invisible handle at the side and, with a good deal of effort, Kurt pulled it to be opened to the view of the whole city, New York City. From Jane’s point of view, as she stepped in the balcony along with Kurt, there were glimmering lights, bouncing dots of colors that danced and reflected and contrasted with the darkness of the night. The crowd of cars, bustling and honking in desperation to be released, free, she enjoyed watching that part. Not that anyone would ever enjoy being in the crowd itself, but it was quite appealing to her to only watch it from a cozy, high place. And sharing such a place, such a view with Kurt was just... She couldn’t ask for more or less than that. It was the meaning of perfection in her opinion.

The breeze blowing of the wind grew strong by every passing minute, but they stood still and firm, clenching in one another. Eyes sparkling in curiosity, Jane stepped some more forward and, since their hands were still entwined, Kurt stepped along with her to the far side of the balcony. Her free hand clenched on the handrail as she gracefully leaned against the wrought-iron railing and asked thoughtfully, “In which floor are we?”

“The twentieth.” He answered quickly, to which she gasped, turning her head to face him and pretended to look impressed. “Wow!”

Curling her arms around his neck with ease as he pulled her closer by the waist, she narrowed her eyes and wondered aloud, “I wonder how much this costs for one night.”

Kurt seemed to be busy studying the beauty of her features, having her this up close.

“How much?” She repeated, rather louder. This time her eyes were wide; she was seriously asking not like before just wondering.

“I’m not telling you.” He shook his head and, undeniably, there was a laugh in his voice.

“You’re not telling me!” She began, her challenging behavior making him entertained, fail to hide a grin. “You don’t need to know.”

She pretended to pout, then glanced away at the outside scene as her hair gently flow in the wind. But it wasn’t until she felt his mouth patting her ear and whispering, “I just brought you here to enjoy it.” that she looked back at him and, at the close proximity, their foreheads rubbed. “I already am.” She whispered back.

“That’s the only thing that matters.”

They shared a long, loving look, soon followed by a smile then a soft kiss.

As if glued together, they were so close as they headed back into the room and then Kurt turned on the music.

Humming in pleasure, Jane closed her eyes at the beautiful sound of music when it covered the silence with its delightful tunes. She allowed herself to melt against his rigid frame, pressing her forehead against his chest, which just had the right amount of warmth that she was quite addictive to. Voice muffled against his chest, she whispered, “This’s nice.”

The comment made Kurt chuckle softly, not that there was anything funny about it, but it was just a way through which he could express the great pleasure he was experiencing at the moment. And just like him, Jane chuckled softly for the same reason before pulling a little back, only to see his smile creep onto her face.

She tucked that smile into her memory and, smiling back, she tucked her fingers between his own. He squeezed hers in return and possessively slid a hand about the sharp curve of her waist as her free hand rested with a feather-like weight on his shoulder.

Beautiful, beautiful, no other name

I knew from the moment you came

I've seen in your eyes the dawn of a day

Where nothing will ever be the same

And now, they were dancing together, swaying in slow motions as the music spun around them. Everything seemed perfectly going, from the mutual feeling between them to their movements that stayed in sync: when he stepped right, she stepped right. When he stepped forward, she stepped backward. But when he gave her some space and stepped backward and simultaneously lifted their entwined hands, she spun around in an elegant, slow movement, her body resembling the tune to the music. There was a sort of possession, aggressiveness in the way he pulled her back to him after having spun that made her gasp faintly. But then, as a reaction, she bit her lip and looked down at the small space between them, mind recording every fraction of the moment, taking mental images, and most importantly enjoying every emotional sensation.

Feel my heart beating through my chest

I'll get used to just saying "yes"

Yes, I'll love you with all I am

Yes, tonight is where we begin...

His lips were pressed against her forehead for a long moment as they continued to dance in the same way, which was a demonstration to their love for each other. Their real, mutual, simple yet deep love.

Oh, I wanna dance with you

Oh, I'll promise to stand for you

I'll do anything for you

Oh yeah, oh yeah

Tonight, my love all I want

I wanna sing for you

Yeah, I'll sing for you

Happy birthday, baby

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, baby

Happy birthday to you...

The music lasted for more or less five minutes, and when it was starting to fade away, reaching its end, Kurt improvised and, as though she were the center of the universe, he spun around her just the same.

Both fell into soft laughters afterward, before Jane snuck her hands up to his neck and hugged him tightly, and he returned the hug just as tightly. Silence fell again, that pleasant, comforting kind of silent. And so, they lingered in such a position for a moment, neither willing to break apart.

The next moment, Jane hardly detangled herself from his grip then looked over his shoulder, where the all bottles of drinks were nicely settled, and then back at him with a knowing look. Kurt, with no troubles, took the cue and, from his pocket he pulled out the same rose-colored blindfold, raised his chin in pride, then asked her to turn around first, his voice rich and husky.

Surprised Jane raised a brow in response. “Again!”

“Again.”

She rolled her eyes. “You brought me here, to this beautiful place, so you blindfold me!”

“You know," Kurt gripped her shoulders and turned her around himself, and just like the previous time, he tightened the blindfold around her skull as he explained, “I’ve read a quote, just recently, that says something like, the best and most beautiful things in the world aren’t necessarily seen, nor even touched, but rather felt with the heart.” He then turned her around so she was facing him and he added, “I want you to see if that’s really true or not, okay?”

“But I can’t see.” She joked, to which Kurt grinned widely, and simultaneously she matched him with a very similar grin, although she couldn’t see him by now. She could hear it nonetheless.

“You just have to feel.”

With that being said, Jane nodded in acknowledgment, her shoulders relaxed and jaw unclench. Kurt cupped her face into his hands and brought it impossibly close to his own that their lips were touching. “Now, how about some drinks?”

Jane, having been craving that, gave a frim shake of her head. “Yes please! I’m quite thirsty.” She whispered against his mouth, before stealing a wet kiss then another from him.

kissing her back, harder that her head went back, Kurt slid his both hands down from her face to her back and then her hips. He kept roaming his hands all over there in earnest, which felt so damn good. Every curve in her unyielding body that his hands passed by filled in the depths of his pleasure. Just like that, and he was so turned on at this point.

But no matter how he was kissing her almost violently and nipping at her lips, blindfolded Jane was exploring his mouth, tasting him, and licking up every honey-like drop from his lips. Her arms flew all the way up to be wrapped around his neck when she felt her body being held with ease as if she were weightless, lifted, and then sat upon a table.

Panting, unwittingly chuckling, he asked, “Okay, what shall I get you, birthday girl?”

“Dazzle me,” Jane smirked, with an exhaled chuckle lacing through her spoken words. His finger patted her chin before it drew, and then, there was a sense of more empty space around her. He wasn’t in her hand reach now, which made her take a deep breath and await him and the drinks with impatience.

Kurt wasn’t actually that far away from her as he began to prepare a Daiquiri cocktail that contained rum, freshly squeezed lime juice, and sugar syrup. He shook all that together before pouring it into a nice coupette glass then walked back the few paces toward her in pride.

“Hey,” she welcomed him as he approached, feeling his warmth already with a hand in the air to catch him. And he took it, her hand, and replaced it on the glass instead. "Here. Don't be shy to disappoint me." He warned.

After a short sip, a content hum spoke genuinely even before her words did. “Impressive! Not too sharp, not too light and sugary. I love it! Thanks.” She was grinning as she said it, her voice in the sexiest tone. Feeling his palms widespread over her thighs, she raised the glass then took several small sips, knowing that his eyes were fixed on her.

“Glad you liked it.” He said, his own mouth dry, but he did not care to do anything about, not this moment; he was busy staring at her unblinkingly, admiring her and every movement she made, from sipping to swallowing down. Her eyes would’ve been squinting and looking right into his and admiring him just the same way, Kurt thought, if that was an option right now.

Forcefully swallowing the stinging sensation down, after pouring down the last sip, Jane lifted the now empty glass between them in a gesture for a refill, which had Kurt notice the perfect impression of her hot, red lipstick on the glass and he just... admired that too.

“Is it that good?” He asked, after taking the glass.

“So good, haven’t you tasted it?”

“No.”

A smirk pulled at one side of her mouth. “Come here,” she told him, bringing him closer with an arm around his neck at the same time that she opened her mouth to the fullest and took over his own. Her tasty, wet tongue had entered his mouth in ease by now, where it hungrily intertwined with his like a young snake messing with another young snake.

Tasting all that incredible mixture in her sweet, hot tongue, Kurt was also rewarded when her hand ran through his hair for a bit before she pulled him back. “Umm, so luscious,” he breathed.

“I want some more.” She requested with a smile. And so he went to bring her some more. As she waited, there were sounds of a glass clinking another surface and liquid being poured into into it in generous manner. Lastly, there were his easy footsteps approaching, soon followed by the feeling of his warmth. Welcoming him back, she expanded an arm up in the air and when he finally was close to touch, she gripped him so close.

“Let me,” he whispered, and she allowed, so he lifted the glass to her plush lips for slow sips. She enjoyed every sip was poured into her mouth and he enjoyed every second that passed at the sight of her cheeks go rosier from the booze.

And so, she parted her lips once more, on an assumption that another sweet sip would be in its way inside her mouth, only to feel the iced liquid running all over her neck, her chest, to which she gasped, recoiled back, and heard Kurt rushing to say sorry.

“Kurt,”

She pushed him back and was so close to standing on her feet and taking the damn blindfold off when he held her hands still in place. “It’s okay, nothing happened,” he soothed, “I’m sorry it spilled out. Now we just have to take your dress off; it’s all damp and cold.”

Mouth parted, she shivered a little before nodding. “You did it, didn’t you, Kurt?” She claimed him, at which he mischievously grinned as he helped her stand up on her feet. “What?” He pretended to sound busy, slipping down the zipper of her dress from the back then, with an effort he made, begun to lift it all the way up. She rose her arms without needing to be asked. As soon as the collar was clear of her head she was already ditching her heels out of the way, with a hand upon his shoulder for support.

He was gone after that and Jane, naked only saved for a pair of underwear, stood there in what felt like a vacant space in absolute darkness behind the blindfold, hands empty at her sides. “I know you spilled it over me, Kurt.” She pretended to complain, also aware that her voice had a touch of relief at having been freed from that tight dress. Now the direct contact between her skin and the air felt nice, but what would feel even nicer was his touch against her skin.

“Are you gonna hate me for that?” She heard him say from a decent distance, then heard a breath that might be a laugh. “Not if you you come right here right now.” was her condition.

He was trying to frustrate her, she knew. It wasn’t in him to do such things, but the day was full of surprises. He’d ruined her dress already, spilled the drink all over her when she’d least expected it, and now God only knew what he was doing.

But even though she wasn’t seeing him, she was able to hear his breathing, hard, out of his nose like an animal. She could also feel his gaze hot on her from head to toe, which made her covered in a thin sheen of sweat all over her chest and between her thighs, the sparking center of her desire. That was all because of her insides, being boiled from stress, from arousal, and from anticipation.

She could, of course, end all of that with the tip of her finger either pull the blindfold down to hang around her neck, or up and then toss it in the air. And, having waited long enough, she threatened him to do so, “You know that I can take this off with the tip of my finger, right?” She supported her threatening words by pointing an index finger at the piece of cloth over her eyes.

Just then he finally surfaced. “Don’t. I’m right here.” Said Kurt, finally approaching her from the back then reached out, wrapping his arms around her middle very, very strongly that she really didn’t need to use her feet anymore, and melted against him, her head falling back, when his lips met her ear. She twisted her neck so her lips could kiss wherever she could reach in the given position, while desperately shrinking a hand then snuck it between their bodies. But he gathered her both hands quickly, that were only seconds away from undoing his belt, then lifted them up and kissed and patted them.

“Kurt...” she hissed, and her disapproval was very, very obvious by the tone of her voice. “Enough with the teasing, Kurt.” She begged him, who continued to kiss her hands, which by now were wrestling his grip. He retaliated by hauling her against him in a loving way. “There’s one one thing before that.” He tried to assure.

“What?” She breathed, from both her mouth and nose.

He revealed her eyes, lowering the blindfold so it was hanging around her neck as he clumsily walked her forward, his front to her back. He hooked his chin over her shoulder and, because of how heavy he was leaning against her back, she had to brace her hands against the table they reached that had the cake upon it.

It wasn’t large, the cake, but it really didn’t need to be. After all, it was just the both of them tonight. There would be a larger party for Jane with their friends later this weekend. But today, Jane was booked for him. And only him.

So he started lighting the candles on the cake, one arm doing so while the other still hugging her by the waist so firmly, then he said, his warm breathing tickling her ear, “I got you this cake from the same store we got our wedding cake, remember? and it’s the same exact recipe. You seemed to have loved it so much back then, so I thought I should get you the same.”

He tilted his head then, so he could see her reaction: she was stunned, eyes fluttering and face awash with emotions. Her makeup and hair that had looked gorgeous once, now looked out of place. “Yeah, I loved it.” She mumbled.

“Make a wish,” he encouraged.

“Should it be out loud?” She asked, twisting her neck so she could meet his face.

“Not necessarily,” he smiled, and then she turned both her head and attention back at the cake ahead of her. The thin candles planted at the top with mini flames dancing made her heart warm, and so she made a wish, within the bottom of her heart.

I want this to last.

She’d meant a lot by just saying this. And then, as if she were going to dive into the ocean, she drew in a deep breath then blew it out until all the candles went off, at which she grinned in absolute happiness then was rewarded with a genuine kiss over her cheek.

“Happy birthday, love.”

She closed her eyes, inhaling this moment in particular. “Thank you,” she whispered as she once more twisted her neck and kissed him one, deep, long kiss.

“Now comes the taste test. See if this still tastes like our wedding day or not.” He eased one hand from her waist, replaced it over hers, and both their hands held the knife. Together, they cut the cake into half, their hands steady and their faces awash of happiness.

Kurt gripped a fork and with it he took a forkful of the cake, then straight up to her mouth. He waited just a second before asking, “Is it good? Is it the same?” which made Jane fight between chewing the chunk of cake and laughing at his impatience. But then she brought a hand up to her lips and laughed and chewed and shook her head yes all at once.

Her taste bud felt like it just went to a wonderland. In other words: the cake tasted amazing, so nostalgic, and just the same as their wedding day. When she had just barely swallowed that down, she was rewarded with another forkful of cake that she accepted. “The cream is just so good.” She told him as she turned her face to face him, humming happily and chewing.

“Really?”

She hummed some more, shaking her head yes, to which he brought up a forkful of the vanilla cream to her mouth, only to pull it away from her mouth reach the second she tried to take it in.

He laughed.

She frowned.

He then again offered the same fork up close to her mouth, which she rejected it this time around.

“I thought you loved the the cream!”

“I don’t want it anymore.”

“Are you sure you don’t want it?”

“Yes Kurt and you know what I want now.”

“Okay, I’ll have it then, just after I put this back because you no longer need to see things, right?” He’d covered her eyes again by now, to which she said nothing and stayed still.

The following seconds, she felt a strong contrast sensation between the coolness of the cream over her chest—being applied there—and the warmth of Kurt’s tongue licking it all over there. Moan out loud at the sensation was all she could do, and feel like falling down from pleasure was all she felt before she was caught close to his body, lifted, and laid upon the bed in matters of seconds.

Then he was everywhere. She felt him everywhere all at once. Stroking, kissing. His fingers tugging at the remaining the underwear she still had on until he stripped them off. His mouth wet and sucking over her. Nipping teeth. Hoarsely voiced words of love and praise.

He tore his lips from hers then pulled back for a bit, during which she breathed heavily, still feeling the staying power of his kisses and strokes all over her body. And before long, she felt him lift the blindfold and toss it aside.

Wide-eyed, Jane stared at him in appropriation: he was so charming, fully naked. For all her impatience earlier, though, she didn’t seem to rushe now. She brought him closer that theirs lashes brushed against each other yet their eyes maintained opened to the fullest as she brushed away what she could from the sweat building up all over his back with her palms.

“Have you concluded, if it is true or not? What I have told you earlier.” Kurt only intended to keep his voice quiet, but it emerged so, so soft.

She swallowed, her hand making its very obvious way to the length of him. “I don’t think...I don’t think it’s true.” She managed to say, as she guided him to the inside of her warmth. The two muffed their moans by joining their mouth together before Jane grinned, gasped as it got intense, the sensation, then breathed out. “It might be true, though...for me, touching and...looking at you like this feels so good...So damn good.”

Kurt grinned then kissed her in the neck, allowing her to catch her breath before he settled on the right position to take her in.

“You impressed me a lot today—breathing—come on, impress me some more.” She mumbled in encouragement, and he laced his fingers through hers, pinned them against the pillow, then began doing his magic on her.

Briefly after this round followed by another, the two were bathed in sweat, lying down impossibly close to each other on top of perfectly made bed that had every corner of its blanket still fitted in the right place. But when they gained some strength back, they rose and talked for whatever had reminded of the night, pressing kisses or throwing light punches every now and then.

They talked dirty, lovingly, and everything in between. Among the talking, Jane cupped Kurt’s face with a smirk in her face and threatened him, “When your birthday comes, I’ll whip your back as my gift for you and you won’t say anything about it.”

“Will you remember my Birthday when it comes?”

“I will! Just because mine slipped my mind doesn’t mean yours will.”

“Will see about that.”

Even after two in the morning, they refused to go to sleep. Instead, they poured some more alcohol and drunk it together as though they were opponents in a contest, who would drink more and do it faster.

As for the present time, Jane smiles as these memories of last night start to surface. Next she pulls off the blanket, and just when she’s making progress to get up, she collapses back against the mattress with a groan. Her head is heavy like a rock. Tense. It almost feels like there’s an iron ring tightening around her skull, to which grimaces, realizing what a serious hangover she is going to have for the next few hours.

Bringing her fingers up to her temples and massages it there while inhaling every bit of air her lungs could take in. She wonders what time it is. It must be late-morning or noon, she guessed and continued massaging her temples, and did that for a while, closing her eyes in the process.

When she feels the slightest progress, she wraps herself with a robe, gets out of bed, and goes straight to the far wall, where she draws the curtains and open the door to the balcony.

It’s a refreshing morning, and the room is in desperate need of fresh air. It also is chilly outside, but not what you would call cold. She can smell Fall in the air, and she loves that feeling so much.

The sunlight streams in and the curtains rustle in the breeze. Behind her back, she begins to feel of heat coming—that heat must be coming from another body. She then turns around and, without even looking into his face, she presses her entire being against him in a generous hug.

“Do you feel the same way I feel right now?” He asks with a chuckle, his mouth against the top her head as she shakes it yes. “Yeah, but it’s definitely worth it for me. How about you?”

He only chuckles some more.

#blindspot #jeller #holidayblindspot #blindspot fanfic

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currantlee · 3 years

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Language: English Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (T) / P12 Warnings: - Fandom: Kingdom Hearts Series: Another 358 Days (Ao3, Tumblr) Genre: Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, some Angst Characters: Xion, Isa, Axel, Naminé, Roxas Relationships: Roxas/Xion, Xion&Isa (background), Axel/Isa (background), Xion&Naminé (background) Words: 5,416 Chapter: 1/1 Beta: CryptidGrimnoir137 and FanficWriter827 (both links to their Ao3 accounts) Notes: I’m currently taking a social media break (even though I kind of interrupted it for RokuShi Week), so if I’m not as responsive to comments as I usually am, please forgive me. I still highly appreciate every single one of them. Written for RokuShi Week 2021, Day 2: Taking Care of Each Other Other Platforms: -

Xion knew sicknesses weren’t an unusual thing at all. In autumn, a cold had been going around at school, and the teachers had kindly asked everyone who showed symptoms to wear masks to prevent it from spreading further, and stay at home if they had a fever or felt too sick to go to school. She had even gotten a taste of it herself already.

But that happened in late autumn, the time of the year when it was normal to get sick. Now, spring was finally coming to Twilight Town. There were green buds that would soon turn into leaves on the trees, and the birds sang so loud that it was getting hard to sleep from time to time. The days were also getting brighter since the sun was rising, and the higher it climbed in the sky, the warmer they got as well. Xion and her friends could even ditch their coats and pullovers in favor of jackets and long-sleeved shirts on occasion, when the weather was very good.

On this Wednesday, the weather was particularly nice. There were barely any clouds on the sky, and the twilight was more radiant than usual. Xion was surprised that Roxas wasn’t up yet. She knew he loved watching the eternal sunset, and he usually didn’t sleep in.

It was a good thing they only had school until lunchtime today. As much as Xion loved going there and learning new things, the weather was far too nice to be stuck inside all day. Maybe she could finally ask Roxas to teach her how to use a skateboard today.

Xion turned away from the window and poured some yoghurt into the cereal she was making herself for breakfast. She might have been a bad cook, but she could handle pouring yoghurt into a bowl. What could possibly go wrong?

“Isa, have you seen the thermometer?”

She turned around in surprise. “Axel?”

It was not that she hadn’t expected him at all – he had to work during their schooltime, so he was supposed to get up around the same time as them. He was a bit early today though. Axel would usually oversleep – seeing him being up in time was a rarity.

“Xion, watch the yoghurt!”, Isa called. “You’re pouring it all over the place!”

“Oh!” He was right. Barely any yoghurt had made it into her cereal bowl. Most of it was spilled over the kitchen counter all around the bowl, and some of it was dripping down onto the floor. “I’m sorry…”

Isa shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just yoghurt,” he said in a much friendlier tone. “Just make sure to clean it up, okay?”

Sure. She had caused the mess after all… Xion nodded and went to the sink to get a rag.

“And good morning to you too, Lea!”, Isa huffed. “You know, you should really work on a proper sleeping schedule for yourself! You’re either overly tired or you oversleep in the morning!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Maybe Isa had a bad day at work, Xion thought. He was always complaining more whenever that was the case, albeit never in a cruel way like he had as Saïx. No, whenever Isa complained about something, it was most likely because he was worried, and Xion got the feeling that he was worried about Axel even more than he was worried about them.

“As for the thermometer, it should be in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,” Isa went on. “Why?”

“Roxas isn’t feeling too well today,” Axel replied. “He’s been keeping me up half the night, I just wanna make sure he doesn’t have a fever too.”

Xion almost dropped her spoon. That sounded serious – was Roxas sick?

“Oh, I see,” Isa nodded. “Shall I call the school and tell them that he is staying at home today?”

“That would be great,” Axel nodded. “Can you call Even too? I don’t want to have to rush calling off work in case he wants me to take Roxas over to Radiant Garden.”

So he was definitely ill… Otherwise they wouldn’t talk about calling Even.

Xion recalled her own sickness involving fever in autumn fairly well. As normal as it was to fall ill from time to time, at least according to Axel and Isa, for Xion it was definitely the worst part about being normal. While staying in bed was somewhat bearable for her, causing her friends such worry wasn’t.

It didn’t help that she had been the first out of all three people inhabiting Replica bodies to fall sick. Axel had called off his work that day in order to take her to Radiant Garden so Even could observe her and make sure there were no complications. Xion usually didn’t mind being hooked up to a computer – not as much as she knew Roxas did anyways – but she had minded being taken to Radiant Garden. Even though she had been asleep for most of the trip, it had been terribly exhausting, and done nothing to speed her recovery up.

She had ended up spending an entire week there. Roxas had called every evening, and Naminé had joined her after a few days due to having caught the very same sickness.

But Roxas… He had never been sick before, at least not this bad. Sure, he had caught one or two colds in winter, but never something that had kept him from going to school. If it was this bad, he wouldn’t be able to go to school. Not that they immediately sent anyone who wasn’t feeling too well home, but a fever was a definite reason to stay at home.

The only time she could remember when Roxas had been off worse… A cold shiver ran down Xion’s back. She bit her lip.

“Are you alright, Xion?” Isa looked genuinely worried. Were her thoughts this obvious?

… Right, her emotionally influenced color changes. She forgot those existed most of the time since the issue wasn’t as pressing as it had been when it first happened anymore. It wasn’t like she was trying to take full control of it after all, it was just a part of who she was. Right now, her freckles or eyes must be lilac.

She sighed in partial defeat. “I’m just worried about Roxas.”

That wasn’t the whole truth. The last time Roxas had been in a truly bad physical state… That had been back in the Organization, when Xion had unintentionally siphoned his strength.

Getting sick was normal, yes, but what if Roxas wasn’t simply sick? What if history was repeating itself?

Xion lowered her head. She didn’t want to leave Roxas – actually, she didn’t want to leave the whole family they had found here in Twilight Town. It might not be a conventional one, actually they were a weird bunch of social outcasts some probably just shook their heads upon seeing, but Xion didn’t care what others thought. Even if it was merely because she didn’t know what actual families were like – to her, this weird bunch of social outcasts was family, no matter what.

But most of all, she didn’t want to leave Roxas. He meant so much to her.

Which was precisely why she would leave regardless, if it meant he would feel better. Sure, he might not be happy about it, and get that sad expression on his face once he heard about it. But he had Axel and Naminé to help him get over it. Oh, and Isa too of course – if Roxas let him that was. While their relationship had somewhat improved steadily, she doubted that he would let Isa help him with anything.

“Why don’t you go and see how bad it is for yourself then?”, Isa asked. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

‘Because that might make it worse.’

“I still have to clean this up, don’t I?”, Xion lied instead, motioning to the yoghurt on the counter. She was glad that no colorful tell-tale freckles appeared on her skin and her eyes and hair retained their usual color this time. “Besides, I have to prepare for school. Naminé and I still have to go even when Roxas is sick, right?”

“Well, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t,” Isa responded. He looked skeptical though. Did he notice something? “Are you sure you’re alright, Xion? You seem a bit off.”

She shrugged. “I’m just worried, Isa, that’s all. You’d be worried about Axel too if he was sick, right?”

“You do have a point there,” Isa chuckled. “Although I guess I’d also be a bit stressed out. Lea can be incredibly exhausting when he is sick. Make him a cup of tea and he will almost certainly complain about it being too hot or too cold…”

She could hardly imagine that – it seemed so off that it almost made her giggle.

“Well, I guess I have to make some phonecalls,” Isa said. “You get ready for school, alright?”

Xion sighed as soon as he left the room. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Isa worrying about her, but she still would rather have talked to someone else about her issues. Isa was a good person, and more often than not Xion was glad that he was around, but she still couldn’t bring herself to trust him completely, and she doubted that she ever would.

She went back to the sink and rinsed the rag.

When it came to this, she couldn’t talk to anyone though. Axel would try to stop her from doing the only thing that would solve the problem – leaving as soon as possible, so she didn’t worsen Roxas’ condition any further. Roxas himself was out of the question for obvious reasons. And Naminé was a great friend and a good listener, who probably wouldn’t try to stop her and keep her plans a secret as well, but Xion didn’t want to upset her too.

Besides, all of them were busy. It would be a good opportunity to slip away without anyone noticing… Then again, she needed to pack some things first, something that would probably not go unnoticed.

They only had school until the sun was in the South today. Sure, they technically had extracurricular activities in the afternoon, like Naminé’s Brightening School Up!-project which aimed to make the school more aesthetically pleasing, but those were completely voluntarily. She could always skip her own Rock Climbing Club.

On top of that the school was a good half-hour-walk away from the apartment. Maybe that was enough to at least slow the process down for now. That way, she could pack her things after school, when both Axel and Naminé were out of house and Isa was asleep. Roxas was in no condition to stop her anyways.

With that plan in mind, Xion walked out of the kitchen and grabbed her rucksack from the dining table in the living room. She needed to leave as soon as possible…

“Good morning, Xion!”

Apparently Naminé was done in the bathroom earlier than usual.

Xion forced a smile on her face and tried to not show her true colors. “Hi Nami!” Hopefully she didn’t notice anything. “Wonderful day outside, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Naminé nodded, giggling a little. “I’m honestly surprised Roxas isn’t up yet.”

So she didn’t know yet… Good, that made things a bit easier for her.

“Did I take too long doing my make up again?”, Naminé asked. “Or are you leaving early?”

Right… She was already holding her rucksack. Xion shook her head. “Don’t worry, you still have some time to eat breakfast and take the tram,” she said. “I just figured I would walk to school today. Make the most of the weather, you know?”

“That’s a good idea!”, Naminé agreed. “I really should have gotten up earlier. Then we could have walked to school together.” She smiled. “Enjoy your walk. See you later?”

“See you later,” Xion nodded.

She felt terrible lying to Naminé like that – she didn’t plan on seeing her later. It was inevitable that Naminé eventually learned about Roxas’ condition, at the latest when he wasn’t in class with her. Therefore Xion had no doubt that the topic would be brought up if they talked, and she wanted to avoid that at any cost. She didn’t know how long she could keep this façade up.

Before she knew it, she had slipped into her favorite pair of shoes and left the house. Of course she took the tram instead of walking like she had told Naminé – the faster she got away the better. She would definitely be at school way too early, but that was fine. Anything was better than hurting Roxas even more.

---

Xion had always been good at avoiding her friends and even hiding from them when she needed too. She had managed that back in the Organization days several times, and she had no problem pulling it off at school, even though there were way more people looking out for her.

And during the breaks, Xion simply stayed at one of the toilets. Fortunately no one asked her about that. And during the lessons, it wasn’t that hard anyways – Naminé, Hayner and Olette were a year above her, and Pence and her both preferred to pay attention in class, so they were too busy to talk.

Well, at least Xion would have preferred to actually listen. On this day, this proved to be impossible however. No matter how often she tried to keep herself together and distract herself by listening to the teacher and taking notes, her mind always wandered off to Roxas. She hoped hadn’t gotten any worse… She should have just left in the morning. Why had she not just left in the morning?

School seemed to last forever on that day, and once the last lesson finally ended, Xion was one of the first students to storm out, not even saying goodbye to anyone like she usually would. She needed to get on the first tram that stopped nearby her house. Maybe she could have asked the teacher to let her leave five minutes earlier than usual so she could have caught an earlier one… Why hadn’t she done that?

The ride home lasted ten minutes, but to Xion it felt so much longer than usual. She was almost sure the tram was late, but several quick glances at her watch revealed that it was perfectly on time. Couldn’t the tram drive just a little bit faster?

Once she finally arrived home, she immediately headed to her room and grabbed the travelling bag Axel and Isa had gotten for her when they had had a sleepover to celebrate Ven’s seventeenth birthday – at least they thought he was turning seventeen since no one really knew his actual age.

Terra, Aqua and him were currently looking for his biological parents on top of searching for Sora in the Realm of Darkness. There was a good chance that Xehanort had simply taken him from them, considering everything else that man had done – Xion’s heart always ached at the thought of a young child being cruelly ripped away from their family. As far as she was aware however, they hadn’t found any leads regarding Ven’s origins yet.

Maybe she could help them. That way, she would at least be with some other friends of hers – even though she knew every look at Ven would hurt, considering just how alike Roxas and him looked.

Xion sighed when she opened her closet. That at least cleared up the question of where to go. Now for the preparations…

She took the neatly folded clothes out in a hurry and stuffed them into the bag without any further regards. Usually, she treated her clothes with a lot more care, but right now she just needed to get as many as she could into the bag, and quickly at that. She didn’t even pay attention at what exactly she was stuffing into the bag – matching clothing was a luxury anyways. All that mattered for now was that it was functional and would last her a few days or weeks. She could care about looking good later, when Roxas was safe.

Once she was done, she left her room and went down the hallway. She tried to be quiet. Roxas needed to rest and she didn’t want to disturb him. Isa was probably sleeping too.

And yet…

Xion hesitated when she was about to pass the door of Roxas’ room. Maybe she should at least take a short look? She hadn’t even gotten to see him in the morning, which meant that yesterday evening would have been the last time she got to see him…

She stopped.

She hadn’t really been paying attention to him then, too caught up in worrying about an upcoming exam. But she wanted to remember his face, with all the details. Would it be too much to at least say goodbye?

… She needed to see him – at least one last time. No matter how selfish that was of her.

With a sigh, Xion opened the door to his room. If she didn’t do this now, she would eventually regret it.

Much to her relief, Roxas seemed to be asleep. That way, he wouldn’t notice that she was about to leave – he would have tried to stop her once he realized that. Xion might have been a fairly good liar and actor, but Roxas could usually see through her with ease. Besides, she hated lying to him in general.

A cable was peeking out from under the wristband he always wore on his left to cover his port up. It connected him to his gummiphone. Xion recalled that after Naminé and her had gotten sick in autumn, Ienzo had programmed an app for their phones to monitor their vital functions when it was necessary, so they didn’t have to go to Radiant Garden every time something was up. All they needed for that was a cable with the appropriate plugs.

Despite this, he looked peaceful.

Roxas often had a rather fitful sleep, he tossed and turned fairly often even when he didn’t have a nightmare. Seeing him resting on his back with the blanket tidily pulled up to his chest was a rare sight.

His hair was a mess. To be fair, Roxas’ hair was always a bit chaotic, but Xion was pretty sure it hadn’t seen a comb yet on this day. The only thing that kept it somewhat in place were his headphones, which he was still wearing. They had a chocolate brown color with some warm grey accents, exactly the colors that suited him, and had two triangles reminiscent of cat ears on top. Xion really liked those on him, she found that he looked cute while wearing them. He must have fallen asleep while listening to some music.

Xion smiled – then, she remembered why she had come.

With a sigh, she sat the traveling bag she had already packed down, trying to be quiet in order to not wake him up.

Walking up to his bedside, she noticed were the bucket next to Roxas’ bed, and the tilted window. Strange – when she had been sick, Isa had told her that leaving the window open while she was in the room wasn’t a good idea. According to him, the drafting could make her cold worse. So why was Roxas’ window tilted then? Maybe because it was warmer outside?

It didn’t matter. She had to leave one way or another, and wondering about tilted windows wasn’t why she was taking this risk.

Xion knelt down at Roxas’ bedside to get a better look at him. She tried to burn the way he looked into her memory, trying to catch as many details as she could.

To her surprise, Roxas wasn’t pale, which she had expected him to be. The contrary, there was a slight, healthy-looking flush on his cheeks. Almost like he wasn’t sick at all. But Xion knew that appearances could lie.

Ven freckled quite quickly when he went outside – ever since the Keybladewar, Xion had never seen him without at least traces of freckles on his face, even after he had spent a considerable amount of time in the Realm of Darkness.

Since Roxas had inherited Ven’s genetic disposition, he was also very prone to freckling in the sun, even though he didn’t have as many as his twin did. The sun in Twilight Town just wasn’t strong enough to give him any. Xion liked how they looked on Roxas when he did have some though. They happened to visit the Land of Departure some weeks ago, and despite Roxas’ religious use of sunscreen, he had gotten quite a few over the course of a single weekend. They were already fading once more, but still clearly visible.

The freckles were on his cheeks, but mainly on his nose. Xion always found Roxas’ nose difficult to describe. It appeared noticeably wider at the bottom than it did at the base, and the tip was a bit chubby, which gave it seem a bit of an upturned look.

His cheekbones had gained slightly more definition over the past months. Xion found it funny how much that changed his face. It made him look… Older, somehow? She was pretty sure there was a better, more flattering word for what she was trying to describe, but she couldn’t think of it.

She wanted to keep looking at him, to wait until he eventually woke up and say goodbye properly, but she knew she couldn’t. Every second she stayed was another second in which she siphoned his strength, one second more in which his state gradually worsened due to her presence. On top of that, she knew Roxas was definitely going to try and stop her from leaving if he was conscious. Time was short – and yet, she couldn’t turn around and leave. She was so selfish…

Maybe she could at least give him something special as a parting gift? That way she didn’t have to feel guilty. She could just leave quietly, without waking him up.

Then again, what would that special something be? She didn’t have the time to get him something, and besides, what would he even like? Despite knowing him all her life, Xion found that question quite difficult to answer.

So she couldn’t even do that.

Xion sighed. “Sorry Roxas,” she whispered and a tear rolled down her cheek. Why was saying goodbye so hard?

In a desperate attempt to give him at least something, Xion leaned forward. This was a gesture she had observed in a movie, and judging by the fact that she had only seen it in a single one so far, she was pretty sure that this was something special. He wouldn’t feel or remember it, but it was the least she could do.

Very gently, Xion pressed her lips onto his forehead. He was less warm than she had imagined – was that good or ba-…

“Xixi?!?”

She shrieked and stumbled back, falling over her bag as she did so.

Roxas had lifted his head and looked at her with wide eyes, obviously startled.

Xion’s heart was racing. She had not expected this – why was he awake? Did she do something wrong by touching his forehead like this?

She lowered her head. “Sorry…”

He pulled his headphones off. “Huh?”

Xion only realized now that he must have been listening to music up until now, which was probably why he hadn’t heard her coming. She must have startled him quite a bit. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “For giving you a scare like that.”

Roxas shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t scare me.”

He leaned over to his nightstand and grabbed his gummiphone. A confused look spread across his face when he checked the screen. “Don’t you have Rock Climbing Club?”

She shrugged. “Thought I’d skip it today. Since you’re sick and all.” That was technically true… Even though she didn’t tell him everything. It felt so wrong, she usually told Roxas everything. They were best friends after all.

“That’s sweet of you,” Roxas smiled, but he looked a bit tired doing so.

“How are you?”, Xion blurted out before she could stop herself.

“It’s not that bad…” He yawned. “I’m just a bit tired. Didn’t really get much sleep last night…”

Great. Now she kept him from sleeping on top of making him sick…

Xion sighed and picked up her traveling bag. “I’ll better be going then,” she announced quietly and turned around. She couldn’t bear looking at him any longer. Funny, since that was why she had entered his room in the first place. Well, at least she got to say goodbye…

“Farewell, Roxas.”

It came out quietly and her voice was shaking, almost like a quiet sob. A tear ran down her cheek, and Xion felt that it was probably just the first of many more to come. She didn’t want to leave him behind – but it was for the best. She didn’t want him to be sick either.

“Xion?

If she didn’t leave now, she would never. Either because she couldn’t or because Roxas would stop her.

“What’s with the traveling bag?” He sounded confused.

Another tear ran down her cheek. “Roxas, I…” How was she going to tell him this? It was going to upset him, she was sure of that… And he was already in a fragile state. She didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already was. But he deserved an explanation. “I can’t stay.”

“Oh.”

That was not the reaction she had been expecting…

“That’s fine.”

Definitely not the reaction that she had been expecting. Xion felt a sting in her heart – was she not important to him anymore? It was unlikely, but maybe it would be better if that was actually the case, considering they could never see each other again…

“I should probably try to get some sleep anyways.” Roxas yawned audibly. “See you later?”

For a moment, Xion was tempted to respond in the same way she had responded to Naminé earlier, but she just couldn’t do that. Lying to Naminé like that was hard, but lying to Roxas… It was impossible. He was her best friend, and he deserved to know the truth.

“I mean forever.”

And that was it. Now she was crying. She just hoped Roxas wouldn’t notice; she didn’t want to make it any harder for him. Xion noticed a sob wanting to escape her throat, but she tried to suppress it, even though her throat started to hurt terribly from it.

“Xion?”

She sniffed. “It’s for the best,” she told him quietly, and her voice sounded a lot higher than usual. “This is all my fault. If I stay, you’ll just get worse…”

“Xion, what are you talking about?”

She couldn’t answer. The throbbing in her throat hurt too much, and she wanted nothing more than to just run away. Storm through this damn door and leave, so he would get better – even if that meant she could never see him again… But she couldn’t. Her muscles were all tense, and yet she couldn’t even move, not even when she heard him throwing back his blanket to get up and walk up to her.

His warm hand briefly brushed against her arm. “Please,” Roxas asked. He sounded almost desperate. “Talk to me.”

Xion couldn’t hold it back any longer. The sob she had been holding back for so long erupted from her throat, and it didn’t even relieve the pain. The traveling bag slipped from her hand, because she was trembling so hard. She cursed herself for being so weak.

Roxas pulled her into a hug, slowly and very carefully. Xion wasn’t sure whether it was because he wanted to leave her room to decline or him getting weaker. In any way, she lacked the strength to free herself, even though Roxas hugged her much more loosely than he usually did.

… He felt so warm against her back. Warm, but not overly so. Did he even have a fever?

Part of Xion wanted to turn around and melt into the hug he was offering her, but she knew she couldn’t. “I’m making you sick, Roxas.”

More tears were running down her cheeks, and if it hadn’t been for Roxas’ careful hug, Xion was pretty sure that her legs would have given out. How did he even manage to hold her up in his state?

“Xion, how did you get that idea?”

“B-Because…” She sobbed. “Because that’s what happened last time…”

And why should it be any different this time? While they were different people with different origins, they both were different versions of the same person, or at least they were supposed to be.

Last time, Roxas was Sora’s Nobody, his shadow, the empty husk that stayed behind when his Other had lost his heart. He hadn’t been supposed to feel, or develop an identity of his own eventually, and yet he had become his own person within less than a year. And Xion was a Replica, an artificial humanoid, programmed to copy Sora’s abilities and absorb his memories. She had been supposed to become Sora eventually, but instead she had become something else entirely.

“But things aren’t like last time.”

This time, they were both Replicas, or at least inhabiting Replica bodies – something right in between biology and technology. Not quite human, but not machine either. Xion remembered how surprised she had been finding out that they could even get sick.

But most of all, they were their own people.

On top of all of this, there were too many things that didn’t make sense. Roxas didn’t seem weak, just tired and exhausted, which made sense given that he hadn’t been able to sleep half the night. Xion briefly wondered what she had been worried about in the first place.

“My stomach just didn’t tolerate dinner so well I guess.”

They had had curry, Axel and Isa had cooked together last night. Due to Isa’s constant nagging about how important healthy food was, they had decided to do something different and use lentils. It had been tasty, but considering they had never tried those before… Thinking about it, Xion’s own stomach had been rumbling quite a bit at night.

She finally turned around to face him. Her vision was a bit blurry from all the tears, but she was able to make out his face. He really wasn’t pale. His eyes weren’t glassy either. Nothing about his appearance was screaming ‘sick’.

Then again… “Axel said you weren’t well this morning.” So it had to be more than stomach rumbles.

Roxas sighed. “I threw up half the night,” he explained. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh.”

Xion herself had never thrown up herself so far, but she had witnessed Olette doing so in the school’s toilet. She had looked uncomfortable during it, and Xion remembered how unpleasantly it had smelled. Olette had then spent some time at the school’s infirmary, before one of her parents had picked her up and brought her home.

Xion finally returned the hug. “Are you at least feeling a bit better now?”

“Yeah,” Roxas said. He tightened their hug a little. “Still a bit nauseous, but overall, I’m feeling a lot better.”

But what if that was only because she had been in school, away from him?

Xion quickly brushed that thought aside. Even if that was the case, there were plenty of things they could do about it. There was no Replica problem Even and the other scientists hadn’t been able to solve before, so why should this be any different?

It felt like a huge stone fell off her heart – why had she even been worried in the first place?

It was only when they dissolved their hug that she noticed how tired he looked. Xion wasn’t sure whether his eyes were actually smaller than usual or if the dark circles underneath just made them appear that way.

“You should rest some more,” she said. “You look really tired, Roxas.”

Roxas nodded. “I probably should.”

They walked over to Roxas’ bed, and Xion covered him with the sheets. Roxas smiled a bit at that.

“Anything else I can do for you?” If she was already here, she could help him get better.

“Stay with me please?”

Xion smiled. “Of course.” There was nothing she’d rather do.

#Fanfiction #Fanwork #Kingdom Hearts #RokuShi #RXWeek2021 #RokuShi Week 2021 #KH Fanfiction #Roxas #Xion #Axel #Isa #Naminé #Long Post #Currantlee writing #Currantlee completed #Currantlee completed Story #Currantlee completed KH Fanfic

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jenliliscripts · 3 years

Text

Chapter 217

June’s POV

I honked softly, letting Lia know that I'm outside. A few moments later, she rushed out of her door, throwing her poise away as she ran to the passenger side. She climbed in, frantically fixing the ends of her hair.

"Have you been waiting?" she inquired while checking her face using her front camera.

I observed her from my seat, not wasting the chance to look at her. She looked gorgeous in her black long sleeved dress. It definitely complements her striking features, giving her a more fierce look. "No, I just got here."

"Sorry. I can't pick what to wear. I couldn't find anything good in the shops that I went to earlier today—"

"You look fine. Stop worrying."

I reached for her hand in attempt to calm her down. She flinched as soon as my fingers grazed her skin, her eyes instantly darting towards me. I expected her to withdraw her hand, but instead inserted her fingers in between the spaces, locking our hands together. "We're different people, remember? We can be whoever we want to be. We can do whatever we want."

So has she been wanting to do this? Hold my hand, I mean. The question fades into the back of my mind.

I knew better not to voice out my questions. I just have to enjoy the night and deal with everything later. For now, I must keep my mind clear.

I nodded lightly. "Yes, we are. For today, we can be."

Our hands were clasped as I drove to the restaurant. I occasionally stole glances while she was quietly sucked in by her thoughts. I broke the silence and began asking her about her day to which she answered as if she was a completely different person as we had agreed and I followed suit when she fired the questions back to me.

Although this is all an act, some stupid condition I made, I still like the idea because for a short time, we can momentarily forget that we're in a muddled situation. There are a couple of things we need to iron out, but I shall set that aside for now. I just really want the old Lia tonight—the caring and thoughtful Lia, the Lia that would say that she hates me but looks at me with utter tenderness.

"Music?" I suggested, stroking her thumb in a steady rhythm

"Yes, please. It's a need. Mild traffic up ahead according to your navigation app."

I let go of her then pressed the play button on my steering wheel. I looked over to her side in search for her hand and Lia was quick to recognize it, extending her arm to take mine. She carefully laced them together, earning a smile from me.

"I know what you're looking for," she declared rather proudly, her fingers playfully tapping the back of my hand.

"I want to go to another place after dinner. Can I take you with me?" I asked, biting my lip right after. "It's okay if you don't—"

"Sure. Let's go. You can have me all night, Junie."

Junie. Ah, hearing her say it endearingly, melts my heart. It's a golden melody.

Silence followed, only the soft music from the speakers can be heard. My palm got sweaty from holding her hand. I was going to take it back so I can wipe off the sweat but she clutched it tighter. "Don't. Until the end of the night, you're not allowed to let go."

With those simple words, my heart started hammering in my chest. Oh, Lia. What have you done to me? I am subdued by this overwhelming amount of love I have for you. I smiled convincingly, making it seem like I don't feel uneasy—as if my insides aren't uncomfortably twisting.

"I like that," I replied in an amused tone. "I certainly approve of that."

Not long after, we reached our destination. I got down of the car first and Lia followed suit. Jamie and I had already planned the entire night so it's safe to be seen in public. I met her on the other side and instinctively intertwined our fingers. She looked at me, a puzzled expression on her face.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "It's okay. It's all been arranged. There's won't be news about this tomorrow. I can hold your hand as much as I want to."

Leading her in, she squeezed my hand upon seeing the place packed with people. "Aren't they going to—"

"They don't mind. We are sitting with elites. They only care about themselves," I tugged her forward. "We're trying to be normal and it would defeat the purpose if I bought out the whole restaurant tonight."

"Right. I'm trust you on this. Let's go."

We were guided to our table on the far corner. We didn't waste time and scanned the menu. "I suggest you make room for dessert."

"Okay, but there's no dessert on the courses here."

I put down the menu, tilting my head to the side. "We're not eating it here."

"Then where?"

"In an ice cream parlor in downtown Manhattan."

We placed in our orders and patiently waited for the food to be served. As we did, I asked her what others would consider trivial questions, but for me, those are the facts about her that I would love to know.

"Favorite ice cream flavor?" I inquired randomly, earning a frown from her.

"Vanilla. Is this like a fast talk?"

"Yes. Just answer. You can ask me anything too."

"Hatest childhood memory?" she asked.

"Oh that's a good one." My eyes wandered for a brief moment. "Ah! When my mom wanted to send me abroad for school. We fought everyday because I would break my luggage and throw out the the things inside so they'd have to pack my clothes again."

"That's intense. You're really a troublemaker, aren't you?"

I puffed my chest, flashing a proud smile. "That's what you call fighting for what you want. Yours?"

"When I crashed my bike when I was riding down a steep road. I got all sorts of scratches and I broke my wrist. I never rode one since that day."

"You're accident prone, huh? Last time you almost sprained your ankle. Unbelievable. You should be treated like a fragile object."

"Psh." Her face turned smug. "I don’t need extra care. I'm fine on my own."

As our conversation went on, we finally warmed up to each other, and it felt like the two of us from months ago. Bickering, laughing in between, and then the cycle repeats. I'd like to believe we both forgot that there we had unspoken issues. Dinner proceeded smoothly, thank God. If it had went the other way, I would have to suffer more sleepless night thinking of what went wrong.

Lia stood up after I paid for the bill, but I asked her sit for a while. "Why? Is there a problem?"

"Can I take a picture of you?"

Her brows met in the middle, confused by the unusual request. "You don't ask. You just take it. Go."

I pouted, trying to act cute. "Of all the photos I have of you, you only smiled once."

She groaned, throwing her head back. I, on the other hand fished for my phone from my purse and waited for her to tell me she's ready. She propped her elbows on the table, then cupped her cheeks with her palms. "How do I do this?"

I snapped a photo of the most breathtaking sight that's sitting right in front of me. She wasn't doing anything yet I am completely smitten by her beauty. When I thought I couldn't fall deeper in love, I was proven wrong. Lia Kim, you're taking everything that I have without even trying. I love you. I love you and I can't keep my feelings at bay. I want to tell you everything. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay that you’re not mine.

"June?" she called my name and I immediately diverted my attention to her.

"You ready?"

She didn't answer and instead tilted her head to the side. She smiled, showing her teeth and I did too. "Perfect. That's beautiful, Lia."

She fixed her posture, her smile fading soon after. "Can we get ice cream now?"

"Of course. Let's go."

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 4 years

Text

JN (Part II)

I’d like to thank everyone who loved the first part of this mini-series, so now I offer you the second part. I’m not sure how many parts this will have; I’ll have to see my archive first.

As a clue to what you’ll be reading, here’s a GIF of him in his trademark off-duty outfit. Doesn’t he look cozy? And if you’ve noticed, he tends to use that word a lot too.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: Yup, our content for this whole week and possibly into the next ones will still come from my writing based on the prompt list created by @neoculturedrabbles.

POV: 2nd person for both.

Word count: 1,600+ words

–––

Prompt #3: “Is that my hoodie?”

Living with Johnny and Mark means you get to swipe items from each other. If not that, either one of you uses the item of the other.

For example, every time you bring out your sandalwood soap, Johnny and Mark use it. You noticed that it was used when there were remaining bubbles on the soap when it was your turn to take a bath. You wrinkled your nose in annoyance, remembering that Johnny criticized your soap preference.

“Baby, this smells like a man’s soap. Unless you like that, of course,” he told you one time you stepped out of the shower after using a newly-opened bar of sandalwood soap.

“The hell you care, dude. I’ve become used to it, and it helps with my skin conditions,” you grumbled in response before storming back to your room.

To pay back for his bashing and using your soap with no permission, you decided to get one of his million hoodies inside his closet. You were lucky that he didn’t lock his room at all – it was easy to get one of them whenever he was out. Mark was abroad again, and that means you have the apartment all to yourself lately.

You got a light brown hoodie from his closet, which was one of your favorites on him. You tried it on, and you wiggled in delight at how soft and comfortable it was. “This is mine for now, Johnny Suh,” you whispered to no one in particular before leaving his room.

\\\

When he arrived at home late that night, you were lounging in your room in his hoodie and your jogging pants. You were working on your novel again, writing about the back story on one of your characters. As you typed furiously in front of your laptop while listening to a curated playlist to get into the mood, you didn’t notice him enter your room.

As you write about to finish one sentence, you heard someone clear their throat. You looked up and saw the towering form of your housemate, who raised his eyebrow at you.

“Hey,” you greeted briefly before going back to your manuscript.

“Hey yourself,” you heard him through your headphones, “and is that my hoodie?”

You didn’t respond, intent on finishing the sentence you were working on.

“Is that my hoodie you’re wearing?” He asked again, his voice louder (and a bit annoyed) this time.

You took off your headphones and looked at up him again with a smile on your face. “Yeah, it is. It’s mine now,” you said confidently, flashing him your pearly whites.

“Hey, is this your payback for using your soap? Come on! I like that hoodie!” He whined, now sitting beside you and tugging the sleeve of the hoodie you were wearing.

“You have a lot of hoodies, Youngho. You bought what, like 4 or 5 of them in one go? It wouldn’t hurt for you to let go of one,” you muttered, prying his fingers off your arm.

“But that’s one of my favorites! It’s part of my Top 5!”

“Nope, it’s mine now.”

“Essieeeeee!” Johnny tackled you on the bed, and you thwacked him on the head. “Duuuude!” You grumbled, sitting up to put away your laptop on your vanity. “Don’t do that when my laptop is here.”

“And you’re more concerned about your laptop than me?” He fake-sobbed first before tackling you again back to the bed.

What ensued was a hilarious (and a bit awkward) bed wrestling fight – you two were a tangle of limbs on your messy bed.

“Ow!” He cried when he got poked by your plastic hand bookmark that has now escaped the book you were hiding under your bed. “Serves you right for messing with me!” You stuck your tongue out and pushed him off you.

He didn’t let you do that easily – he pinned both your arms and was now on top of you.

“Give back my jacket please, baby,” he purred, giving you his best aegyo even if his face was as flushed as a tomato.

“No, it’s mine. For now, that is. Can’t I borrow it for a week?”

Johnny let go of his hold on you and laid beside you on the bed. “Fine, just for a week. After that, it goes back into my closet.”

“Then I’ll pilfer another one next time,” you snickered, which earned you a pinch on your sides. You glared at him, which he ignored as he continued to pinch you more.

“No, I get to choose which one you’ll get next time,” he said, now tilting his body to face you. “There’s nothing wrong with you wearing my stuff, but you’ve got to ask permission first, okay?”

“But you didn’t ask for my permission when you used my soap!” It was your turn to whine, and he just laughed at your statement.

“Essie, it’s just soap. And I bet you have a truckload of that since you always ask your sister to get you that every time she goes to the States. So please, don’t mind us when you use your soap.”

His words took a moment for you to absorb. “Mark uses it too?!” You were close to hysterics already, making the tall guy laugh harder. “Yeah. As you said, it smells good, and it helps with skin conditions.”

You looked at him for a hot minute and focused your attention on his neck. “I doubt it’s helping you,” you said, pointing at the red mark on his neck. “Your insect bite is still there.”

“Heeeeey!” He swatted your finger away from his neck and held it. “That doesn’t count. But maybe if I use it more…”

“Fine. Let’s call it quits. You can use my soap, and I get to keep this hoodie.”

“No way, Jose! It’s still mine. You can use it for a week, that’s it.”

“But Johnnyyyyy!”

///

Prompt #19: “Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?”

“How much do you love me.”

Sometimes, you wondered how much Johnny loved you.

Even if you always get into spats now that you’re already in the fourth month of your relationship, he never seemed to hold his anger for long. It was usually him who apologized first, and you forgot what you fought about when he made up with you.

Tonight was a normal night for you – cuddling on the bed watching Netflix, your bedside tables with a bottle of beer each. You wore one of his shirts and a pair of boxer shorts, while he wore a sleeveless shirt and sweatpants. You were watching ‘Money Heist’ on his iPad Pro, and both of your arms were linked around each other’s bodies – yours were on his neck and his were on your waist. You nuzzled your face on his chest, and he responded by kissing the top of your head.

“Did you miss me that much, baby?” He asked, tilting your head to look at him. You were not sure if he was tipsy – his face and ears were flushed.

“Yeah,” you murmured, stealing a peck from his lips, “we’re always so busy during the weekdays that we can only catch up every weekend.”

“I’ll fix my schedule so we can have dinner at least every other day. Sounds good?” It was his turn to peck you on the lips, which you returned with much force.

You paused the episode you were watching and caught up with you intimately with cuddles and kisses. When you pulled away to catch your breath, he pressed your forehead against yours.

“Hey, babe?” You started, looking up at his deep chocolate eyes.

“Yeah?” He tightened his hold around your waist and pecked your forehead.

“How much do you love me?” You cringed inwardly at how saccharine you sounded, but you were curious to know his answer.

“Baby, do I really need to answer that?” He broke his hold on you as he massaged his temple with one of his hands. “Of course, my love for you is limitless! It knows no bounds! It can’t be measured at all.”

“Why do you love me so much?” This time, you sounded as if you were about to cry. You were quite moved with his answer, but you just had to hear more from him.

“Because I just do?” You cocked your head to the side, signaling for him to continue. “There are some questions that don’t need answers because really baby, actions speak louder than words.”

With that, he kissed you again, and you reciprocated with all the love you have.

You were lucky to have a man like him in your life, and you wanted everyone to know of that. Maybe soon, because now he’s all yours for the taking.

“You’re so clingy right now, are you ovulating?” He asked, squeezing your butt. You thwacked him on the shoulder and bit his upper forearm.

He yelped in pain, which motivated you to dig your teeth deeper into his arm. When his scream sounded more girly than yours, you let go.

“You idiot, of course not! I just missed you, that’s all,” you said after wiping the saliva from your mouth. He glared at you for a moment before peppering your faces with kisses.

“And I missed you too. I hope we can have more moments like this every day, baby.”

“Same, love, same,” you whispered, caressing his cheek.

You exchanged more mellifluous words before Johnny decided to continue watching the series you put on hold.

You were back again in your original position, arms wrapped around each other as you watched ‘Money Heist’ in his device.

–––

FIN

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royalcordelia · 4 years

Text

i found my voice (in her sweet melodies)

Summary: Christmas with Gilbert has never been traditional, but it always manages to steal Anne’s breath away. (A S3 + Married Shirbert Christmas Story).

This story is for @mariamancini who was one of three winners of my fic giveaway. I do hope you like it, dear!! ♥

***

December 1898.

For once in his life, Gilbert Blythe was blissfully unaware of the winter chill. It might have been the scarf Mary had just finished knitting for him with soft midnight blue yarn, or his father’s old sweater that he was finally beginning to fit into. Each breeze brought faint scents with it - the flowery perfume of Mary’s soap, the lingering essence of his father.

Yet, Gilbert was only half aware of these comforts as he marched through the snow. Perhaps what really was warming him was the trail of footprints leading from his back door directly to the Green Gables homestead. The small boot tracks, without a doubt, belonged to the youngest member of the Shirley-Cuthbert household. Gilbert’s eyes glazed over as he walked, following the footprints, though his mind was off elsewhere. As it was, he couldn’t help but notice hints of Anne in everything he saw - the white-tipped tree branches, the cardinals on their high perches, the unique stellar shape of each snowflake that flurried before him.

His thoughts were consumed by her up until the moment he saw her through her window. Anne - as lovely as she ever was, floury apron tied around her waist and her braids tumbling down her back. With movements somehow laced with affection, she kneaded a sugary dough on her kitchen table. Her lips moved in a song Gilbert couldn’t hear until he nudged the side door open. The melody from her lips was her favorite Christmas tune, “The Holly and the Ivy,” but the words were entirely of her making.

“My footprints fall behind me, across this crystal field. It’s you I’ve come to see, my love. It’s you that brings me here.” Her voice echoed through the peace of the house like a hymn loose in a cathedral. “So come and stand beside me. And hold me in your arms. I long to lay close with you, beside our warm hearthfire.”

Already rosy from his trek through the cold, Gilbert felt his cheeks tingle. How tempting it was to pretend that this kitchen belonged to him and Anne, that the pastries she crafted with her loving hands were for their very own Christmas dinner. Just the two of them. She’s keep singing her song, and he’d heed its lyrics to reap all of its marvelous benefits...

With a shake of his head, Gilbert rapped his knuckles against the door before letting himself in. He’d been subject to too many of Marilla’s “Gilbert Blythe, you know you’re welcome anytime. Please let yourself in!” lectures to wait for Anne to get the door herself. Her head rose from her baking, and the sight of Gilbert made her face split into a grin.

“Hello Anne,” Gilbert greeted warmly, unwrapping his scarf from his neck so that he could speak. If he’d been looking, he might have seen Anne’s eyes linger on his chin and neck as they became exposed, and if he’d been looking even closer, he might’ve noticed her bite her lip. But instead, he smiled and took a few steps into the room, tracking some melting snow in behind him.

“You look like a mountain man just now returning to society,” she teased, crossing over to him. With a captivating softness, she brushed a flurry of white flakes from his hair. Gilbert’s eyes watched her face with tenderness. She was so close that he could smell the vanilla on her hands. Seeming to notice the boldness of her action, Anne gave a friendly sweep of her hands across his shoulders and then patted it firmly. “Ah, there’s the Gilbert Blythe I know. Next time wear a hat!”

“It’s only a short walk across the field,” he argued.

“The field and the orchard,” she corrected.

Gilbert rolled his eyes, though he was smiling.

“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m here?”

Anne moved back to the table and began to roll out her dough until it was as smooth as ice.

“Do you ever need a reason to visit?” She peeled off a tiny bit of the dough and held it out to him. “Try this.”

Gilbert smelled the sweetness of the biscuit dough seconds before he tossed it into his mouth, but it wasn’t enough to prepare him for how divine it tasted. His expression must’ve betrayed his thoughts immediately because Anne smiled in victory and began to press a circle shaped cutter into the dough.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Anne. What are you baking for?”

With a gasp, Anne slammed her hand down the table. The various bottles and containers of flavorings and flours rattled at the impact, but thankfully, nothing capsized onto the floor.

“I nearly forgot! These biscuits were going to accompany me as my persuasive gift when I went to invite you and your family to Christmas dinner. I was going to leave as soon as they were out of the oven so they’d still be hot.” She paused, realizing she’d confessed her surprise plan. “I’d still like to make a formal invitation, if you don’t mind.”

“I do mind, in fact,” Gilbert countered. Anne dropped her shoulders incredulously. “I’m afraid I’m here to make the same exact formal invitation, only I hope you will still accept even with my lack of baked goods.”

“Gilbert Blythe, you mean you came here to-”

“-to invite you and your parents to Christmas dinner at our house, yes. You were kind enough to invite Bash and I last year. It’s only right that we return the invitation.”

For a moment, Anne hesitated. She’d had been planning the Christmas dinner decorations for over a week, collecting the necessary stray ribbon and pinecones in her room. Anne felt it was far more comfortable to play hostess to your loved ones than be the guest, however perhaps that was merely her proclivity to hospitality rearing its head.

But then she remembered the sweet laughter of baby Delphine and the fact that it likely had been many years since Mary had the chance to host a Christmas dinner for a full sized family.

“Well?” Gilbert asked. Anne crossed her arms across her chest and pursed her lips.

“I tentatively accept on a few conditions,” she stated firmly. Gilbert cocked a brow but nodded for her to continue. “My first is that Matthew and Marilla must agree.”

“That’s a given.”

“My next is that Mary absolutely let us bring a dish or two.”

“Alri-” Anne cut him off.

“ And I’d like to help Mary cook and decorate,” she concluded. Then remembering her manners, quickly added, “Only if it isn’t an imposition on her. I think it would be so lovely to spend time with her that way, especially since she’ll need an extra pair of hands to cook and take care of Delphine.”

“You act like Bash and I don’t know how to take care of the baby,” Gilbert bristled, though not genuinely offended. Anne couldn’t help but smile warmly as she slid her tray of sugar cookies into the oven.

“Oh, I’d never. Between the three of you and my family, that little girl will grow up with more love than she’ll know what to do with.”

An unreadable expression crossed Anne’s face, but Gilbert noticed it before she could hide it completely. Maybe she was remembering the childhood of another little girl who never knew such an abundance. A sigh slipped through his lips. Things were different for Anne now, but if he could go back and provide all the love she’d been lacking, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Lost in his thoughts, Gilbert did not notice Anne dip her finger into the flour and walk up to him. With a dramatic flourish, she tapped his nose with the powdery substance.

“Do you accept my conditions or not, Mr. Blythe?” she asked playfully. Any hints of her past haunting her were gone now, but the ache in his chest that urged him to merely love her was still overwhelming. Gilbert rubbed his sleeve across his nose and smirked at her.

“I accept your conditions and offer one last offering of my own.”

Anne nodded, eagerly awaiting whatever he had in store. She was too busy staring into his forest hued eyes that she didn’t flinch when he took a step closer. With the stealth of a storybook hero, Gilbert reached behind her into a small pile of flour and swiped it across her cheek. The white streak made it that much more endearing when she beamed up at him, but her smile turned heavy when his fingers lingered on her skin. For half a second, she felt his fingers move ever-so-slightly against her cheek to hold it, then-

“Why! Gilbert Blythe is here!”

Anne and Gilbert jolted back a few steps, the latter wiping excess flour onto the sleeve of his coat with heated cheeks. Marilla took no notice of the tension she’d walked into, or if she did, she was kind enough to spare Anne any indication.

“Gilbert invited us to Christmas dinner with his family. Isn’t that positively grand?” Anne said, enthusiasm barely masking her distress. Surprise lit up Marilla’s countenance.

“That’s awful kind of you, we’d be delighted!” Marilla said.

“Wonderful! Bash and Mary will be thrilled to hear it,” Gilbert replied. He pulled his scarf from the hook and began to wrap himself back up, as neat as a Christmas package. “I ought to be heading back. I promised Mary I’d collect a few things for her in town so she can get a headstart. Anne, I’ll speak with her about you assisting her with the cooking.”

Anne’s face was still the same color as her hair, but she nodded with a tight smile. He was halfway out the door when he turned back, sending her a look so intense with adoration that she shivered down to the soles of her feet.

“Until then,” he said softly. Then he was off back into the flurry of Avonlea snowfall, a figure of warmth amongst the blanketed crystal field.

~*~

December 1907.

Initially, Gilbert thought it might be interesting to see what it was like to have the house entirely to himself, but all he felt was a dull loneliness in the background of his mind. Without work or Anne to distract him, he found himself keenly aware of a thousand oddities he’d never noticed before. There was a spot on his collar that was oddly itchy. A weird stain looked like a shadow of a spider above the kitchen stove. The tiny apron tied around his waist, which he borrowed from his ever-generous wife, constricted him like a snake skin, but was resolved to keep flour off of his pants and waistcoat.

Gilbert peered down at the countertop before him, analyzing the sticky dough he had just mixed together. Anne’s never looked quite like that. Maybe if he kneaded it more, it would take a more familiar shape? Clapping his floury hands together resolutely, a tiny cloud of flour exploded into his face. He coughed, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand and began to fold the dough over on itself.

That was how Anne found him ten minutes later, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, kneading biscuit dough with all of his manly strength. Under his breath, he sang a song that was too quiet for her to hear. Icing sugar was smeared across his cheek and his forehead, making Anne bite her lip.

When the door closed behind her, his gaze shot up to hers. In all of her glory, Anne S. C. Blythe stared upon her husband with appreciative eyes, a bundle of firewood in her arms and dirt on the knees of her trousers. The sight of her broad shouldered and confident made Gilbert swallow, but his face was contorted in confliction.

“Welcome home, my love,” he said, with controlled evenness.

“Thank you, darling,” she replied sweetly, wiping her snowy feet on the doormat. She made no move to rid herself of the logs tucked in her bicep. Gilbert’s brows knit together at the sight. “Charlottetown was positively rife with christmas spirit! Usually those townspeople are so dreadfully-”

Anne paused, noticing the somewhat pained look on her husband’s face.

“Alright, out with it, Gilbert Blythe,” she ordered. Gilbert set down his dough and tried to look nonchalant, but only succeeded in appearing hesitant. Slowly he began to explain himself.

“As your doctor, I logically know without a doubt that you are more than capable of lifting a few fire logs without any sort of danger to your health,” he began.

“Uh huh,” Anne drawled, amused. It wasn’t often Gilbert was so bunched up.

“And you know I respect your desire for us to do equal parts of all the work in the house, and return that desire. I recognize that you specifically asked not to be coddled.”

“But…?”

Gilbert’s resolve melted away as he unburdened himself.

“But as your doting husband - who, by the way, loves you more than anything and anyone - it positively kills me to see you doing heavy lifting. What are husbands for if not to wait on you hand and foot so that you don’t need to lift a finger?” he exasperated.

With a patient sigh, Anne dropped the logs next to the stove and came to stand by her husband’s side, arms wrapping comfortably around his neck. Gilbert’s hands immediately cradled the bump on her stomach, rubbing the tiny spot where a growing baby could just barely be noticed. A print of his strong hands was left on the soft fabric of her dress in white flour, sending a chuckle through Anne’s throat.

“Oh Gilbert Blythe, you have no idea how much I appreciate that you care for me to such extremes,” she murmured, pressing her lips to the spot on his cheek where the icing sugar was smeared. “I’d be lying if I pretended to be completely unaware that my, as you say, heavy lifting would bother you. But I’m just so anxious to get everything ready in time for when our families arrive, that when I saw the logs at the side of the house, I figured I’d knock one more thing off our to-do list.”

“That’s what I’m here for!” Gilbert argued gently. “I’m baking your favorite cookies from Mary’s recipe, I cut down that tree you said you liked, set it up in the living room, and brought down the candles and ornaments. I’ve even started decorating the house.”

With a hand running through his hair, Anne scanned over the house. Gilbert’s heart lifted in relief when an impressed smile filled her face. There were candelabras in the windows with sprigs of winter flowers underneath them and a garland of pine was placed on the mantle. Gilbert had channeled Anne’s artistic soul as he adorned it with pinecones, ribbon, and holly.

“I left the table centerpiece and the wreath untouched so you could decorate them. I know how you love it so,” he explained. “I thought we could do the tree together, just like last year.”

Anne held his face lovingly, nuzzling his nose with with hers before planting a soft kiss on his lips. The second she pulled back, something caught her eye. Above the fireplace, Gilbert had hung not two, but three stockings - two adult sized, and one tiny one. Stepping away, she neared the stocking with a growing lump in her throat. With the stocking completely in sight, she noticed one word embroidered across the red fabric with an unskilled hand: Jem.

“Gilbert…” she muttered with a bittersweet heart. “You don’t even know if the baby will be a boy, yet.”

Anne relaxed when she felt her husband’s strong arms wrap around her waist, his lips in her hair.

“That’s why I put Jem instead of James. Even if the baby is a girl, she’ll still be our little gem. Joyce’s stocking is on the tree, up near the star.”

Anne’s throat was too thick to say anything. She held Gilbert’s arms close to her and leaned her head back on his chest. It would be her first Christmas since she’d lost her first baby, but her and Gilbert had decided it wasn’t going to be a sad time. They’d make sure it was bright, peaceful, hopeful. That was why had invited the Lacroixs and the Cuthberts to their home this Christmas - to bring family near, to prove that they were alright.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” Anne said quietly, spinning in his arms until there was hardly any room between their lips. “Since you’ve respected my wishes, I’ll respect yours and resolve to be slightly more relaxed.”

Gilbert pressed his lips to the spot underneath her ear that made her shiver, and nodded against her skin. When he pulled back, he glanced at the clock.

“Our families will be here in a few hours. Will you please help me salvage the gingerbread cookies? I fear I missed a step.”

With a burst of laughter, Anne caressed Gilbert’s cheek. How wonderfully dependable he was, this husband of hers. She couldn’t remember what Christmas looked like without him by her side, and cherished the future of many, many more holidays spent together. In a few hours, they’d reveal the impending arrival of their family’s newest addition, but for now, Anne was quite content to bake biscuits with the man she loved and smear icing sugar along his lips for her to kiss.

#anne with an e #anne of green gables #shirbert #awae spoilers #tessa writes #shirbert fic #shirbert ff #catch this on ao3 too!#also happy '50 published ao3 works' to me!!!

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green-eyed-whumpster · 3 years

Text

My OC Universe: Rowan 63

Chapter 63 Summary: Cordelia realises that due to William’s conditioning of the poor boy, Rowan will be a much more sensitive charge than she first considered. (SkinTag: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @much-ado-about-whumping, @abitefullofeverything, @whump-me-all-night-long, @sky-or-something-idfk and @tears-and-lilies)

Trigger Warnings: Victim blaming, blood

Cordelia walked back into the room seemingly an eternity later. She was splattered with blood, her hands so slick with it that she looked like she was wearing gloves. She immediately moved towards him and crouched in front of his face. He whined weakly as her hands appeared in view and she lowered her head to catch his eye.

“Hey, are you all right?” She asked gently and startled when he burst into tears. “I’m sorry!” He cried, falling back into the corner once again. “I’m so sorry! Please-I don’t-don’t hurt me, please!” “What? No! I –“ Cordelia stopped herself from touching Rowan with her blood-stained hands and uncomfortably held them up as unthreateningly as possible. “No, Rowan, I swear on my life I would-I would never,” She paused as two barmaids walked into the room, a large bath held between them. “Where would you like this?” One asked and Cordelia sighed softly in exasperation. “B-over by the corner, please,” She said quickly and watched as they put it down and moved back to the open doorway. “Close the door, please,” She only turned her attention back to Rowan after they were granted their privacy once again, eyes creased with worry as they studied his panic-stricken face. “Rowan, I would never hurt you.” She said firmly. “What happened, that was my fault. I shouldn’t have left you alone! What they did to you was wrong. I had to make them pay for it!” His chest fluttered as he realised she wasn’t mad at him, and not only that, that she blamed herself for what had happened! She had to stop herself from embracing him as he burst into tears again, this time from relief. “Please, Rowan, are you all right?” The worry in her voice made his breath shudder as he swallowed heavily, nodding. “Yes-yes! I’m fine! I’m sorry!” “Don’t be sorry, Rowan, there’s no need for it. I’m sorry I frightened you. I truly didn’t mean to,” She soothed, once again stopping her hands from cradling his cheek or offering him any other comfort that would stain his skin. “It wasn’t your fault,” She said gently, trying to confirm his innocence in the matter, unsure if it was helping through Rowan’s tears. “Wh-why didn’t you scream like I told you?” She asked carefully, not wanting to upset him further. “I’m s-I’m so sorry!” He gasped, jumping into her arms. “I didn’t thi-I forgot! I can’t believe I forgot!” He sobbed into her shirt as she tentatively rested her elbows against his ribs, hesitant to even let him touch her so intimately. “It’s all right,” She promised, keeping her voice as soft as possible. “It isn’t your fault. I should have kept you safe, I made a mistake, I’m sorry.” He shook his head and pulled away from her, wiping his nose on his sleeve before talking. “Ple-lease don’t apo-pologise to m-me!” He hiccupped, rubbing his tear-stained cheeks with his palms. “I-I-I…I don’t li-ike it.” She paused before reluctantly nodding softly. She wouldn’t stop, of course, but she would try and keep him calm for now. “Do you want a bath?” She asked gently, looking to the pool of steaming water in the corner of the room. “Wh-what about you?” He asked, eyes flicking to the red spots staining her skin like freckles. “I’ll go after,” She said, glancing at the same marks he had noticed. “I’m a bit worse off than you,” “You-you can use it,” He muttered, looking down sheepishly. “I-I don’t really-really need it, as long as you don’t mind,” He swallowed as she leant back on her heels and thought for a moment. “As long as you don’t want one,” She said gently, not wanting to push him in case there was some other trauma relating to baths that she wasn’t aware of. She would deal with it when it was a more pressing matter. He was right, after all. “N-no, thank you,” He whispered and she nodded, standing up. “Would you like to get changed, then? Into some fresh clothes?” She asked, moving to the bath and plunging her hands into the warm water. “I asked the owner on my way out to have dinner brought up so we won’t have to go down, I’m glad I did, now,” She sighed, drying off her freshly cleaned hands and reaching for the towels resting on the desk. “Is-is there a laundry? Should I clean them?” Rowan asked and she shook her head. “Not here,” She sighed, laying out the towels in a way that appeared routine, a frequent action in her existence. “Some other place will have one, or we’ll come across a river, either way, I don’t want you to do it here.” He nodded obediently and unfolded his collection of stolen clothes, picking out a shirt and some trousers with a grin that was undeserved of the mediocre garments. “I’ll bathe here if you don’t mind,” Cordelia sighed, tugging at the strings of her boots. “Keep an eye on you.” Rowan didn’t mind. He was a bit nervous at the possibility of seeing her undressed, but he certainly wouldn’t complain if she were to stay with him.

~ Rowan made sure to sit with his back to Cordelia on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the shirt in his hands and listening uncomfortably to the sounds she elicited as she climbed out of her clothes and slid into the bath. “Are you all right?” She asked again, glancing at him. “I-of course,” Rowan swallowed. “Sorry,” “Why in the world are you sorry?” She asked, pausing as she scrubbed the blood on her arms. “Be-because I made you worry,” He whimpered unsurely, almost twisting his head to look at her. “I just walked into our room and found you being abused in a way that I promised you would never have to experience ever again, and somehow made you feel that I was about to hurt you. Of course, I’m worried, but it’s through guilt rather than from your actions.” She replied, glancing at him carefully. “Rowan, after everything you’ve been through, people are going to worry, a human being should not be treated the way that you have.” She waited for him to respond, hoping she hadn’t upset the boy again, but he seemed too wrapped within the words to manage formulating his own. “Does…does that make sense?” She asked cautiously and his red hair bobbed weakly in agreement. “It-it does…” He paused for another moment before managing to voice his thoughts. “But I don’t…entirely think, that I…that I deserve it,” He murmured, forcing himself to peek over his shoulder and meet her eyes. “You do, though. And I know it will take time for you to learn this but it’s true.” She stated, turning her attention to the door when a heavy knock came from it. “Would you mind seeing to that? It’s probably our food.” She asked and he nodded, standing up nervously from the bed and inching towards the door.

#whump #medieval whump #my writing #oc #Rowan #Cordelia #fear #conditioned whumpee #blood

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honestsycrets · 5 years

Text

At Her Feet

❛ pairing | king harald x queen!reader

❛ type | oneshot

❛ summary | harald has a plan to get a new ally.

❛ warnings | smut, sex pollen, nsfw, quickie sex, dub!con

❛ sy’s notes | just a quick pussyfuck today.

Harald Finehair is a strange king.

An old but fit man whose dregs at the bottom of your cup read malfortune. A loss, you could sense. A loss of a wife, a child, a brother. You swirl the tea as you sit in your throne. The young messenger came to request an audience earlier that day. Yet here he was again, rubbing sweaty hands at the base of your throne, begging for an audience for his king. As queen, you had the ultimate say.

“King Harald Finehair of Vestfold, Al-Drottining.”

You lift your head from the cup and set it aside on the white ashy arm of your throne. Then gathering your skirts, you rise from your seat. The king is shorter than you expect, but powerful just the same. His dark brown hair swept back from the tattoos that etch in his creased aged skin. Those eyes, though. They frighten you. Murky and dark as they were, twinkling in amusement as you came to a stop in front of him. He sets his hand to cup hand in front of his lap. His men mirror such action.

“Queen (Y/N) of Svalland, Al-Drottining of my people under Frigg’s wise eye. A lover of Thor, I see. A good king has been said to respect Thor as you have.”

He looks down to where your finger has shifted, tapping his pendant on his hairy chest. You then shift your finger away, not forgetting the way his cheeks have warmed up. “But sadly,” you say. “The gods favour lovers of Odinn.”

Something flickers in his eyes. Something swirling dark as if you’d hit a sore spot, and you know you’ve been right to judge him as you had. “How may I help you, King Finehair?”

“By giving my men a place to lay their heads and resupply. We hit rough shores and have lost our cargo.” Harald rumbles.

“My hearth is yours.”

“And I would like you to hear my offer.” Harald follows you as you step up to your throne. The shieldmaiden and warrior on either side step up, their staffs meeting in an ‘x’ to ward off the king. You wave them off.

“An offer?” you repeat. “What sort of offer is in your heart?”

The king kneels.

It’s not a gesture you take lightly. His men whisper among one another. A king never kneeled. Not to the men of Frankia. Not here. You sweep in a powerful breath and allow him to gingerly take off your woven leather shoe. They fall to the side, revealing your toes with hammered silver rings. The wiry hair of his beard run over your foot. His lips, glide over the top of your foot. You look toward your shieldmaiden whose eyes of endless blue center on the king’s humble gesture.

“Marriage,” he offers you. You tense as he runs his finger over your forth toe. One who normally would bare evidence, just as your hand would, of your marital status. There is no ring to be found there. “I seek to be king of Norway.”

“This is no Norway,” you inform him. You hesitate in raising your hand to calm the intersecting complaints between his men and your people who find such an offer an insult. What king came to ask for shelter, and in the same breath, try to take the best of their women? The shieldmaiden and warrior stomp their spears.

“I know. She rules small islands in comparison. But she has something I want.”

“You want our queen?” the shieldmaiden beside you denotes. “How dare you.”

Harald slightly tilts his head toward her, raising to stand. He neither confirms, nor denies it. Your fingers curl over the white wood of your seat. A radiant heat blooms low in your stomach, strange and foreign. Not at his words. You convince yourself at that. But the skirts you wear feel as if they are heavy and irritating to your skin.

“Gunnar, care for his warriors.” You stop her, standing upright with a gentle stagger. Harald offers his arm out to you. This time, you take it and dip toward your rooms. “This way.”

There are few rooms behind your great hall. One devoted to the worship of your gods, he can denote from the statues of Frigg and Odinn. He is sure that Gunnar must reside here as well because with no husband, the need to keep someone close must be strong. Your steps become sluggish and slow over the long planks that lead toward bedroom.

“Are you… ill?” he asks.

Though you are flushed to the touch, you deny him any knowledge of your condition. Nevermind that your skirts felt as if they were searing your very skin. You press into the room past the large curtain. In your rush, you forgot to put on the other sandal. It doesn’t matter. You pull off the other, running your hands over the fallen sleeve of your dress, tugging it up your shoulder again. You set a hand to a table, reaching for an imported peach. But the quivers ripping through your hand don’t allow you to.

Behind you, Harald ran his finger over the light coloured wood. He glances to the etching of words over a scratch board, notes to yourself of whom to talk to that day. He can tell you are a simple woman. Albeit a bit… fanatic about the gods.

But perhaps, that was what he needed. A woman that moved by the gods.

“The heat,” Harald begins knowing that words have failed you. “Between your legs?”

Harald saw it. The flash of heat across your cheeks, the rush in leaving the great hall before something came of it, and how you fidgeted under your clothes. Of that much… you’re sure. He presses himself behind you. You can feel his firm muscles against your back, the strain of his cock behind the fabric of his trousers. He saw. And he knew.

“It won’t go away,” Harald’s smile perks against the shell of your ear. His fingers caress your headdress in a small and innocent gesture. His finger falls down to your ear, caressing down, then lower.

“What have…” You begin, breaking off sharply as Harald’s hand came to wrap around the curve of your waist where the threading of cords kept you clothed. Your bodies cries out for the touch, more now, the throbbing of your cunt spills an excitement over your thighs. “...you done?”

“It’s obvious.” Harald says, pressing his thumb to the seam of your mouth, tracing your lower lip. He tugs your lip down and then sneaks his thumb forward, easing it over the pad of your thumb. He drops his thumb from your lips, deliberately dragging the sleeves of your dress down your shoulders. Harald scratches his beard and a soft white falls free of it, you turn to face him. “You felt it when I touched you.”

In all the advising you had on Harald, you never-- never expected it. He was not a witty king. At least not in the same as King Ragnar or King Ivar the Boneless. Yet when he spoke, with a voice thick and ragged, you know he’s bested you.

There was no way you could say no.

“A… a pollen…” you turn back around, losing yourself for a moment. You shake your head, stubbornly holding yourself to a dignified response.

“This,” Harald holds out the small container of pollen. As you reach for it, he throws it upon the ground at your feet.

“No, wait!” you cry out. It’s scent plumes into the room. It’s sickly sweet as if you had sunk your fingers in honey, but mean enough in a bitter bite, almost like the sting of a bee at the end. You had been doing good, holding back, but now--

Without a semblance of care he rips cord after cord of your dress, letting it drop past your perking breasts and down into a pool around your feet. A warm glow of pressure pulses past the pads of his fingers.

“Why? Wh-- why are you doing this?”

It has to be asked. A man doesn’t give something for nothing. Certainly not a king of a small kingdom, whose name began to spread, so that he might dominate Norway. King Harald glides over your ribs, up toward the underside of your breasts.

“You to take my offer.” Harald insits. His voice has gone hard and urgent as if this mattered. Maybe the smell was affecting him now too, because his deep voice drags in a slur over your skin, causes your cunt to clench at nothingness.

“What more?” You shift over the table, weakly touching the rim, and it seems like you might melt into your pleasure when he pulls away.The haze of need quickly overtakes you into some strange fight or flight. “Wait! Please-- I’m listening!”

If he left, you would be left alone with this-- this burn. And if you were left with this burn, you would need an orgasm. If you needed an orgasm… you fear to think of who you might seek it through. The guards, with swords at their hips or slender longspearmen at the gate to your city who would bark and rave about their night with you. You would be a fool.

“Give me what I want. Or I’ll take it.” Harald assures you as he brushes his large hand through your hair, down toward your hips. His touch blisters. As if your skin is burning with every touch that isn’t inside of you

“I’m not patient.” He shifts his hand down, between your lips. His aged hands are well practiced for his poor luck with women. A broad finger pushes inside of you, filling you there. Your walls leap to pulse around him, squeezing with such ferocity that he thinks you may not release.

Harald greedily finger fucks you, a luscious squish after squish indicates your ooze around him. He stretches the muscles. You square your shoulders uptight, focusing not on the actions his fingers were doing. Nor the perspiration over your skin. Just the blossoming pleasure.

“Please, yes-- I, please, I’m so wet,” you plead with him. The words fall away with the unlacing of his pants, falling over his ass. The emptiness of your cunt leaves your pussy swallowing air, puffy and hot and-- oozing wet. The rounded head of his cock glides over your lips, teasing you with every sweep, and you can’t take it anymore, shoving your hips back.

Harald’s hand finds your hair, tugging to keep you in place. “Not so fast.”

“Please--” you cry, head shaking. “I need to come, I need to--”

“You need me,” he whispers into your ear while guiding his tip to your entrance. You hold steady this time, legs quivering as they were, and listen to Harald’s feverish voice. In one deep thrust you are full. So full, squeezing down upon his dick that you force your body to relax around him. Harald loosens his hold on your hair for your hips. Your body blossoms in pleasure with every thrust that fills the need of the pollen to fuck. It becomes easier, more gratifying as if the burn is being quenched with his touch.

There’s no need to go out like some cock hungry bitch. No, not with Harald knowing what you need and giving it to you like this. You lean over the table and receive his cock like a queen should. Your once pleading words are jumbles on your lips, yes, and oh-- and fuck. A moment later, you gush over him. It’s not taken much, not at all, but maybe that’s the pollen talking.

You lay with eyelids shut taut. Harald’s thrusts snap short and quick, juddering against your ass-- and finally, he pumps a warm stream of cum inside of you. When you turn your head back up to look at him, he pulls out with a wet pop of his now flaccid cock from your hole. You stand upright on legs like a limp cloth, tumbling closer to his chest.

“Easy,” Harald whispers, soft now.

You turn your head up toward him and clear your sore throat. “The bed would be better.”

And-- what? He seems to ask with his eyes wide apart. You take his hand and slip toward the bed, dropping back with your back on the fluffy sheets. “You want more?”

“If an old man like you can handle it.”

Harald slips overtop of you, propping himself up on his elbows. “Old, not dead.”

Frigg-- he really was a strange king.

@igetcarriedawaywithyou, @kylobien, @titty-teetee, @breathlessouls, @nejijjeoroo, @bcat1291, @readsalot73, @mslothbrok, @captstefanbrandt, @ailucascen, @michaeliskindahot, @cbouvier23, @naaladareia, @cbouvier23, @the-geeky-engineer, @lisinfleur, @tephi101, @akamaiden, @ethereallysimple, @venusloviing, @happylittlepuppydog, @beyond-the-ashes, @slutforrpg, @sparklemichele, @alicedopey, @lif3snotouttogetyou, @noregretsandyeteveryregret, @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @deathbyarabbit, @unacceptabletatertots, @beyond-the-ashes (no sig), @babypink224221, @ivarandersen, @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla, @moose-squirrel-asstiel, @end-of-night, @gruffle1, @lol-haha-joke @arses21434, @smileyparrots, @miss-artemis-wild, @two-unbeatable-beaters, @wonderwoman292, @wish-i-was-a-mermaid, @killerb00sdeath, @heartbeats-wildly, @boo20017, @acacheofstrange, @shaelyn102, @smokealone, @shaelyn102 @laketaj24, @peaceisadirtyword, @ly--canthrope @cris101071 @daughterofthenight117 @unassumingviking @ladyofsoa, @inforapound @winchesterwife27 @feyrearcheron44@readsalot73 @squirrelacorngliterfarts @gold-dragon-slayer @medievalfangirl

#Harald x Reader #Harald/Reader #Harald Finehair x Reader #Harald Finehair/Reader #Vikings imagines #vikings imagine #Harald imagines #harald finehair imagines

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silkkpopbonnet · 5 years

Text

Dilemma

Yeon spent the next few months with Jay more, than she was with Jun Seo. They went to movies, out to eat, hung out at arcades, chilled at his place, and every once in awhile clubbed together. With Jun Seo she went out to dinner, he took her bowling, the amusement park. She tried to spend more of her nights with Jun Seo, because of school, but also she liked being with Jay in the day time more as well. When he wasn’t doing business for AOMG, looking for artists, and doing his own songs.

True to his word, her father rented out of her spot in Seoul, close to school but also home for her to live in. She had moved all her things to her new place and had bought more. Just as she was pulling her couch to a different wall, Jay knocked on her door. Yeon hurried over, licking her lips, adjusting her off shoulder sweater top, she opened the door.

“Happy..home warming?” He held out a vase full of orchids.

“Well aren’t you a sweetheart?” Yeon took the flowers from him, turning away from the door. “Can you lock it behind you?”

Jay looked around at her place. Spacious for one person living here, and he knee the neighborhood as well. “This place was pricey huh?” He took his shoes off, following her the rest of the way inside her home, to find her filling the vase with fresh water.

“I don’t know, didn’t pay for it.” She set the vase on the counter, coming from behind it, her arms open.

Jay grinned wrapping his arms around her, his lips lingered on her shoulder, kissing the warm skin he found there.

“Daddy’s girl, through and through.” He let her go, moving to sit down at the island bar. “So, what are you doing now?”

She smirked, hand on her hip. “I just moved the couch, and I have some boxes piled in that hall with things in them to set up. We can do my room first though. I got this idea from pintrest, and I had to do it.”

She motioned for him with a finger, and Jay followed her to her room. His eyes were on her hips, in her cotton shorts. She wasn’t wearing any underwear that much he could tell, and he suppressed a moan, as she bent over picking up a box.

“Can you get that box?” She pointed with her foot and turned left into a door.

He picked it up, half wondering how much manual labor he would have to do and what was going to be his present for doing so, when he turned into her room and she was sprawled across her bed.

“What do you think?” Yeon asked as he set the box down, taking in the view.

“Of the room, or the goddess on the bed?” He gave her his typical wink and crooked smile.

Yeon rolled her eyes, rolling off the bed. “Don’t even start. Gray and white, but it’s gonna be real girly, sequins and sparkle and glass.”

She kept on talking about her vision, as he helped her set up the room. Fake fur blanket on the foot of the bed, her white vanity, with crystals knobs installed. When they were finished, he laid down on her bed, hands over his eyes.

“I didn’t think you’d work me so hard. I’m tired.” Yeon straddled his waist, hands on his chest, rubbing in small circles.

Jay had put his hands down, putting them on her waist, moving her sweater to rub the skin under it. “Do I get a treat?”

“Like?” She leaned down, propping herself up on her elbows on his chest.

Jay winced in pain, moving her arms so they were around his head, he pulled her down, her lips were close to his. “Don’t play hard to get, you know what I’m looking for.”

Yeon rolled her hips on his body, earning a groan from him, she let her lips brush over his, then immediately backed off him and stood up walking out the door. “Just help me do the living room, and we can order food.”

Jay mumbled to himself about teasing females, and willed little Jay back down before he got up and walked to the living room ready to be her slave. As they were working, Yeon asked him to head back to her room, for some pillows in her closet. Jay walked past her vanity just as her phone let out a beep for a message. He knew he shouldn’t, but he was nosy, he could admit that. Looking down at her phone he saw a name. Jun Seo, the preview of the message, said:

Did you get your place set up jagi?

Jay made a face. Who was that? He took the pillows back to the living room, handing them to her full of questions, but was it his place? They had been talking, hanging out and together now for three months. To him, he considered that dating. He had seen no one else, talked to no other female. Yeon was his woman. Did she see it that way? Was he supposed to just ask her to be his girl? She asked him to grab something else from her room, and he went back again, hearing her phone beep two more times as he walked down the hall. Taking a peek at her phone it was the same name.

Jun Seo: Jagi…

Jun Seo: You must be busy. I’ll..

The rest of the message was cut off, and he hurried back to the living room, handing her a lamp. Just as the living room was finished, she sat on the couch, patting the place next to her, an iPad in her hands.

“What do you want to eat?” She asked, throwing her leg over his thighs.

Jay bit his bottom lip, he wanted to ask her so bad. “What do you normally get?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “There’s a good Japanese place not too far from here, I’ll get us some teriyaki.” She began pushing buttons on the iPad.

“Do you have water?” She peeked over the top of her iPad.

“I’m sorry Jay, I’m a bad hostess. Yea, look in the fridge, there should be water bottles.” She went back to looking over the menu.

As he got up, Jay opened the fridge, choosing his words carefully. “So, have you made friends in class? Hanging out with some people here?”

She seemed to stiffen up, at his words. “What do you mean?”

He sighed. Mentally willing her not to lie to him. “Friends. Have you made any?”

She set the iPad down, coming over to the kitchen. “A few. Some of the girls are nice, I think they are just…looking at me like a foreigner. I like a few though.” She grabbed a water bottle as well, opening it.

He nodded at her, smiling. “I was just wondering. Making sure, you didn’t need more time with me or anything.”

Yeon wiped her mouth on her sleeve. “Please, I see enough of you.” She said jokingly.

Jay nodded his head. “Go to dinner with me, tonight?”

Yeon stopped on her way back to the couch. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Why?” He didn’t want to get confrontational, but she was pushing him. “I feel like I really only see you during the day time. Someone else spends the nights with you?”

Ok, he was getting testy with her, he knew, but he couldn’t stand secrets. He didn’t like feeling like he could be a secret.

Yeon raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t it be the other way around? I would only see you at night if you were a secret. To answer your question, no. I have…family business at night, mostly.”

That was a hell of a convoluted answer if he ever heard one, but who was he to judge? He let it go for now. “Ok, dinner with me at my place, this Saturday. I won't take no for an answer.”

Yeon laid her head back against the sofa. “So thirsty for me.” She sat up smiling. “Yes, I’ll be there. Casual?”

“It’s always casual with me,” Jay replied, walking back towards her.

They ate lunch together, and watched a little bit of TV, towards the evening Jay had to go back to the office, a new artist was coming to perform for him, and he couldn’t be late. He spent an additional 15 minutes kissing her goodbye, and when he finally left, he forgot about ever seeing her phone. She was happy when she was with him, she gave him all of her attention, maybe it was just a friend. Maybe it was just someone, who thought he could be more. She was his though, he shouldn’t worry. Yeon had closed her door, touching her lips, and sighing. She wanted Jay and bad, but she couldn’t just let Jun Seo know that. Her father knew that. Or could she? He always pushed her too hard, the best grades, the best schools. She tried too hard to please him, and look where it got her now. She was expected once again, to drop anything she wanted and do what he told her to. She was tired of it. She wanted him to accept her, and love her for who she was. Not this makeshift person he was trying to make her be. She felt the tears come to her eyes and willed them away, she wasn’t going to cry over something so petty. What should she do? What could she do? She was falling hard for Jay, but her father wanted her to have Jun Seo, why was her world like this?

On the way to her parent’s home, Jun Seo called her.

“What are you doing? Didn’t you get my texts earlier?

“I did, I’m sorry, I was busy setting up my place, it’s done now. I’m on my way to my parents to eat dinner with them.” She turned into her parent's driveway, parking.

“Ah, what are you doing later tonight? Maybe, I could come to see you? Bring a bottle of wine?” If she said no, that would be rude, considering she went to his house.

At the same time, she didn’t hold her liquor well, and the last time, they were together and alone. No, she could control herself, that was something completely different. She just didn’t feel for Jun Seo like that, no matter how handsome he was, how deep his voice was, and how soft his hands were, or how good he could make her feel.

“I don’t know…I have a paper to write.”

He pleaded with her. “It’s not that late. I won't stay long then. Please, jagi?”

She hated that he felt like he was so familiar he could call her that. “Jun Seo…”

“I already know where you live. I won’t stay long, I promise. I’ll see you in two hours. Go eat with your parents, bye.” He hung up the phone before she could answer.

When she heard the dial tone, she sighed, bumping her head against her steering wheel. “Does no one fucking care, what I want?”

Inside her parents home, she was lectured once again by her father. Good grades, maintaining her new place, on the condition, she did very well in school. Don’t party so much. Her mother shot her an apologetic smile, before stopping her husband.

“Jesus, Yobo, you are going to talk her ear off. Yeon knows what to do. She is a grown woman, please give her some space.” Her mother winked at her, before continuing eating.

“You are my daughter. My only child. I want what is best for you.” He set his chopsticks down, looking at her.

Yeon put her head down. “Don’t I get to say what is best for me?”

Her father stopped his wine from coming towards his mouth. “Excuse me?”

Better late than never. Yeon sat her head up, facing her father. “I know what I want. I know what I like. I know what I have to do. You push me too much abeoji. Please, let me breathe. Let me be myself.”

Her father raised an eyebrow, setting his glass down. “You may be out of my house, but do not forget who provides for you, Park Yeon.”

She clenched her teeth, hands balling into fists. “That isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. Now I’m changing the subject. How are you and Jun Seo?” Her father drank his wine.

“He tells you everything, doesn’t he? You should know. I haven’t really seen him in awhile, I’ve been busy.” She drank her water, still angry.

“Yeon watch your tone.” Her mother replied.

“He did tell me that. He thinks you have been avoiding him. Enough of that, he is a good man. He will be a good husband. He wants to take you to Jeju Island this weekend. Go with him.” Yeon slapped her chopsticks down on her plate.

“No. No, I wont go, I have plans this weekend, and I won’t go with him. Why couldn’t he ask me that? Why does he have to go through you, like I don’t have my own brain? Like I don’t make my own decisions? I’m sick of this!” She stood up from the table, pointing at her father. “First, you take me from Atlanta, take me from the school I love and all my friends, and then you make me come back to Korea, and start over here. Why! To use me as your pawn? To force me into a relationship with some man, I don’t even know!”

“Yeon, please.” Her mother held a hand up, trying to calm her. “Sit down.”

“I won’t!” Yeon screamed. “I don’t love him, and I will never will.”

She ran from the dining room, into the foyer, grabbing her shoes and her keys. She could hear her mother, yelling for her to come back, as she left out the front door. In her car, angry tears fell down her face, she wanted to go to Jay. She dialed his number as she drive through the streets of Seoul to her house. His voicemail answered, and she didn’t leave a message. He was busy, he had no time to deal with her and her family drama. Once, she was home, Yeon pulled a blanket onto her light brown legs, laying down in the darkness.

She was half asleep when her doorbell rang, she got up from her couch sleepily and looked at the video feed. It was Jun Seo, god not right now, and she pressed the button for the elevator, waiting for him to knock on her door. Once he did, she opened it.

“I fell asleep, look Jun Seo-”

He grabbed her waist, startling her as he turned her so he could close the door behind her. His mouth quickly descended over hers, as he pressed her body into the door. Yeon yelped, putting her hands up on his chest, trying to push him away, but Jun Seo held onto her hands with one of his, biting her lower lip roughly.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day.” His lips moved to her neck.

“Stop, Jun Seo, stop,” She pushed at him, her eyes angry. “I am not in the mood, at all.”

He held up a wine bottle smiling at her. “I can get you there.”

Yeon rolled her eyes, her hair coming out of her messy top knot. “Were you drinking already?” He smelled like hard liquor.

Jun Seo grinned at her, before turning away deeper into her home. “Maybe, a little. Come drink with me, Jagi. Maybe, we can play like we did last time.”

He wagged his tongue out at her, and Yeon shivered, that was not attractive. “You are drunk, and youre being rough. I don’t like it. Please leave, Jun Seo. I won’t ask you again.”

He sighed, putting a hand on his face.”I haven’t seen you in what? Four days? Why are you being so mean to me? Is that the American in you? Be nice to Oppa.” He came towards her, hands making grabby motions.

For a minute, Yeon was legitimately afraid and she backed away from him. “If you touch me, I will scream. Go home now, and sleep it off.”

She moved towards her door, waiting for him to leave. Jun Seo grinned, walking towards her. “You play hard to get, but I know you want me. Remember how wet you were?” He reached a hand out, stroking her face. “Let’s play nice now, come inside, drink with me, and let me make you scream in Korean. You sound so cute, when you speak Korean. Let’s make your daddy happy.”

That set her off, Yeon grabbed his hand that was on her face, using her Ju JitSu skills to twist his hand, making him move out the door. “Go home and sleep Jun Seo, think about what you just said to me. Then fuck off.”

She slammed the door, walking back to her kitchen to pour the wine down the sink. She could hear him knocking on the door, then it got silent and she hoped he had left. As she lay in bed, Yeon closed her eyes, wondering when this roller coaster was going to end.

That Saturday proved to be a better day. She woke up to Jay, apologizing on voice messages and in text. Work ran longer than normal, he had too many things to do but tonight, they were still on. Jun Seo had called and left several voice messages, begging her forgiveness. He had even sent flowers to her house. She texted him back, telling him that she wasn’t going to put up with that, and that she wanted to cool it for awhile, he understood but; to her dismay kept asking to see her and apologize in person.

That night she just wanted to be with Jay and as she stood at his building waiting to be buzzed up, she fixed her hair. She let her curls hang loose, a silver headband on her head, she arranged the hair around it. Jay opened his door, giving her a kiss, pulling her inside. It smelled amazing.

“What are you making?” She took off her shoes, following him to his kitchen.

“Shish Kabobs, burgers, corn, and I grilled some chicken. My own marinades.” He was wearing black shorts that came to his knees, nike slides, and a V neck shirt with some designs on the front. His normally long hair, was freshly shaved on the sides, the top gelled and parted on one side of his face.

He was so attractive, pointing to where she could sit, as soft music came over the speakers located somewhere in her house. She recognized it as John Legend.

“I’m excited.” Yeon replied as he set a beer in front of her, drinking his own as he began to fix a plate for her.

“Well, you’re going to love my cooking, maybe so much you’ll fall in love with me.” He grinned at her winking.

Yeon toyed with the feathers on her long gold necklace. “You wouldn’t have to work that hard.”

Jay looked up at her, watching her lick her lips as she looked at him. “Don’t tease me, woman.”

“I’m not.” Just as a moment was beginning to happen, her phone rang, and she fished it out of her purse, looking at it, sighing.

“If it’s not family, not tonight, baby. I got too many plans.” He picked up two plates, carrying them to a table behind her.

“Get, your beer, but let me grab some waters.” He moved back towards the fridge, before sitting down across from her.

As they ate, Yeon had left her phone on his kitchen counter, but it buzzed two more times. She ignored it, but Jay couldn’t. He got up picking up her phone, looking down at the screen.

“You know, not even my friends call and text me, this much. Especially, if I tell them I’m on date.” He held her phone up. “Who is Jun Seo?”

Yeon swallowed her saliva, her heart stopped in her chest. “A friend.”

“Friends. Don’t call this much, baby. See the thing is, he calls you jagi, that’s reserved for men who like you. Who want more, see you as a romantic partner.” Jay set her phone down on the counter, his hand covering it. “I’ve been dating you damn near three months now, and I’ve noticed his name on your phone before. So, why don’t you tell me the truth. I don’t share.”

“I don’t remember you asking me to be your girlfriend.” Yeon turned her face away from him.

“Ok.” Jay crossed the room, standing in front of her. “So, me seeing you exclusively, isn’t what that is? I won’t ask you again. Who is Jun Seo?”

Yeon sighed. “He works for my dad. My father wants me to date him, in the hopes that I marry him-but-.”

Jay held up a hand, he walked around the table, and pulled out a chair next to her. “Run that by me again. So, you’ve been seeing him? and me?”

“Yes and no. Let me finish, Jay.” She reached for his hand, which he promptly took from her.

“Finish.”

She explained to him, how her father made her move back here from Atlanta. How he sprung Jun Seo on her, and how she knew him before she knew Jay. That she needed to please her father, she would make no commitments because, she wanted to do her own thing. Then, she started to fall for him, she hung out with Jay more than she did Jun Seo, she didn’t have sex with him, she hadn’t seen him in about a week. She didn’t kiss him, she only did that with Jay. She knew who she wanted.

“I don’t share baby, I won’t do it.” Jay crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m not asking you too.” She answered, hands on her face.

“I want you, Yeon. I want you to want only me. Do you want me? Do you want to be my woman?” He turned her chair towards him, pulling her hands from her face. “I understand what’s going on, I understand the pressure that is on you, but no more. You will not see him again, I won’t have it. Now, answer me.”

Yeon picked her head up, looking into his eyes. He wasn’t hurt, by her actions, or at least he didn’t show it. He cupped her chin in his hand, as her fingers skated down his tattooed arm.

“Yes, I want you, and I’m yours.”

Chapter Five

#dilemma #jay park #aomg jay park #black female lead #black female character #kpop for POC #kpop for black fans

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whump-my-dear-watson · 5 years

Text

Febuwhump day 24 “Blood Lust”

Title: Erratic Actions

Author: whump-my-dear-watson

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Characters: Reid, JJ, Prentiss, Garcia, Alvez, Lewis, Rossi, Simmons

Episode setting: Sometime in Season 13 or 14 Warnings: captured, blood, torture, stabbed, restrained, so much blood, shot, character death,

Word Count: 4,600

A/N: This is basically if I had a chance to write an episode, this would be it. Literally. Also, this is me just making up for lack of overall MGG this season. If you can’t do gore, please don’t read! This gets pretty dark pretty fast. There are a lot of jumps in perspective in this one, I am not really good with that, so this is pretty choppy.

“This Unsub is erratic. No method to his madness,” said Rossi directing his words to the group of police officers in front of them.

“This is what we call a spree killer, but a deviation.” entered Luke.

“Most spree killers kill hard and fast, with a gun or a bomb, but this killer takes his time, slowly bleeding his victims out.” JJ said, giving it off to Reid.

“Victimology of this unsub is random, leading us to believe that he just takes victims of opportunity. That means anyone could be a target.”

Tara took over, “We suggest that you inform schools and colleges to always walk with another person, and we urge families to have the whereabouts of their children at all time.”

“Children have not been targeted just yet, but that doesn't mean that they won’t be.” Emily wrapped up.

Emily turned to the team. “Rossi, you and Luke go and interview the first victims family, Tara, Matt, check out the latest crime scene, Reid you interview the second victims family, JJ and I will handle the press and set up here at the station.” The team nodded their agreement and headed in their separate ways.

Reid hardly ever drove, typically he was always with someone who would drive, but today he was on his own. He contemplated driving himself, he definitely could, but he chose against it. He could use the fresh air, and the second's victims house was only 2.3 miles away from the station. Spencer tightened his strap on his satchel and pushed his way through the doors. His long strides brought him closer to his destination in no time, the repetitive motion of walking calmed him down, always had. He took in his surroundings and for a moment just closed his eyes, he forgot about the mystery, forgot about his pain, the unsub, it was just him and nature. The sun resting on his shoulders reflecting off his wavy hair. Reid’s gaze fell upon a white aging house in the distance, a quarter mile away he calculated.

Before his mind could make any other statistics he felt a flat pain on the side of his head, as his body crumpled to the floor his eyelids fluttered open and shut, just before becoming fully enveloped in the growing darkness he saw a hooded figure standing over his defenseless body.

Reid was awoken by the sound of a saw being sharpened, the course metal rubbing against each other sent a pain into his head.

Reid released a breath that he wasn’t aware that he was even holding, he groggily attempted to move his hands, only to be greeted with a tug on his wrists, looking down he observed his bindings, they were rope. Obviously, this Unsub is no master killer, but a killer none the less. Furrowing his brow he looked up trying to take in his surroundings, he was in some kind of barn, it looked unused. He lay horizontal on a wooden table, it’s coarseness already making him feel uncomfortable. The bulb hanging above his head lit up the room but brought back many unwarranted memories of his capture by Tobias all those years ago. Reid blinked his eyes shut and pushed away the memory, being stuck in his past would not help his now.

Reid kept his eyes closed for a moment if he focused on what he heard he might get a better idea on where he was. How long he was out he didn’t know, but he guessed that he couldn’t be too far away from where he was taken. His thoughts were hijacked by an unsavory voice, it was deep and scratchy, no doubt had been upon this world for many years.

“You’re up,” the figure stepped into Reid’s view, “Good.”

Reid gulped at the man came closer, his sweat now soaking through his collar. “Why, why am I here?” he said, his voice soft and timid. The Unsub sauntered closer to Reid, a grin plastered on his sleep-deprived face.

“You’re here because you’re going to help me.”

“Help you with what?”

“With my hobby. I just took it up recently, I can’t believe what I have been missing out on. You’re my next project.” The words the Unsub spoke sent shivers down Reid’s spine, as optimistic as he tried to be he could not stop the ever growing speed of his racing heart. Reid relaxed his neck onto the wooden table, it would make no sense to wear himself out by trying to keep himself upright. His head still throbbed from the hit earlier, and he didn’t know what he could do. His gun was gone, he was literally tied down, and he could feel another wave of unconsciousness coming upon him. He was in trouble.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * *

“Hey, Emily, did Spence get anywhere with the second victims family?” asked JJ approaching her friend.

Prentiss’ face contorted into confusion as she processed what JJ had just asked her. “I thought he had called you. I haven’t heard from him since this morning. Do you think he’s okay?”

JJ nodded hesitantly, “I’m sure he’s fine. Just forgot to check in. I’ll give him a quick call,” she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, speed-dialing Spence, after she reached voicemail she turned to Prentiss, a worried look in her eyes. “He’s not answering.”

Emily jumped into action “JJ, call Garcia, see if she can track Reid’s phone, I’ll contact the rest of the team, maybe one of them as heard from him.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * *

A cold splash of water brought Reid out of unconsciousness, his heart racing twice the speed it should he took a big breath, his body assumed he was drowning, but his mind was all too aware that this was just his wake up call, things were going to get much worse off for him.

Sputtering and shaking his head to get some of the drips of water off of him he looked up, his field of vision was restrained to what he could see above him, and if he strained his neck, a few feet lower on either side. Because of this hindering fact, he wasn’t aware of the knife until it penetrated his skin. The sharp pain of the blade shot through his body enforcing a loud gasp to cross his lips. Reid could feel his own hot blood ooze out of the gaping hole in his leg, the pain was immense and unrelenting, it would not let him think of anything else. Just pain. The Unsub came into Reid’s view, holding the knife that still dripped with his blood.

“Please, you don’t have to do this. I’ve done nothing wrong to you,” Reid pleaded.

The Unsub took a moment to reply.

“I know nothing about you. And I want it to stay that way. You’re not here for me to get to know, you’re here to fill my need.” Reid’s whole body shook as the Unsub placed the knife down and picked up a saw from a nearby shelf, the battered condition of the rigid edges led Reid to believe that the saw had been used many a time before.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * *

“Okay, thanks Garcia,” JJ hung up the phone and looked Prentiss in the eyes. “Garcia pinged his phone, it has his location about a quarter mile from the 2nd victims family’s house. Apparently, he never arrived.” Prentiss nodded solemnly and checked her phone, the exact location was sent to her from Garcia.

“Tell the others to meet us there.” Upon arriving at the scene the team saw Reid’s phone and satchel lying abandoned on the sidewalk.

“Kid,” Rossi said, shaking his head in despair.

“Do you think it was the same Unsub? It’s his MO, taking someone random in the neighborhood and leaving their phones and bags,” said Tara.

Luke shook his head yes, “We have to assume that. And if this is the same Unsub, does he know Reid is an Agent? And if he doesn’t, what would he do if he found out?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * *

Reid inched himself away from the unsub as best he could in his binds, but the man just approached him calm as ever. He set his saw on top of Reid’s arm and it just rested there for a moment, unmoving. The Unsub seemed to relish in the fear that lay in his victim's eyes.

“Please, you can let me go. I’m sorry about all the things that happened to you.” Reid said, barely in focus, trying not only to talk himself out of this situation but also distract himself from the continuous pain that pulsed from his bleeding leg.

At his words, the Unsub shifted his weight. “How do you know that something happened to me?” Reid steadied his breathing as he considered his answer.

“I am a Doctor. I study human behavior. I know that someone that does... does the things that you do, they do it because they’re hurting. And I’m sorry. I know hurt too,”

At this, the Unsub’s demeanor completely changed. “You know nothing of my pain!” He shouted above Reid’s scream as he dug his saw into his arm drawing a rough red line of blood through his shirt sleeve.

Reid closed his eyes biting down on his lip to stifle the scream that the next swipe up the saw brought up, tears stained his face as he refused to voice his pain. It was the only thing that he had left. The Unsub wanted him to scream, so that was exactly what he wasn’t going to give him. The Unsub was hastily hacking away at Reid’s arm, not enough to sever it, but enough for him to wish that it was gone. Reid took in a big breath and let another one out. If he couldn’t put any pressure on the wound then the least that he could do was control his breathing. Reid suppressed a sob as the Unsub uttered the words he dreaded.

“Now we shouldn’t let your arm have all the fun,” In a swift movement the Unsub slashed at Reid’s chest, tearing through his cardigan and a layer of skin. Logically, Reid knew that by the speed of the Unsub’s movement and the level pain that he inflicted the wounds were only about an inch thick, but he felt as if his body were being torn in half.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * *

“If this is really the same Unsub than we have to assume that he’ll stick to his own time table. So far he has kept his victims for 24 hours, bleeding them out through a series of cuts,” Rossi froze for a moment, unable to stop thinking about his friend in that position.

“It’s already been at least 8 hours. We need to find the Unsub before...” JJ couldn’t finish her sentence.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * *

The Unsub set the saw down next to Reid on the table if he wasn’t so tired he might have thought to try to use it to break his binds, but his body was worn. And his mind was soon to follow. The Unsub picked up a machete looking tool that hung menacingly on the wall and brought it over to Reid’s face. His smile made Reid sick, but maybe that was also lack of blood that had him nauseous.

The Unsub took the blade and traced it along Reid’s face, outlining his jawline and temple, barely breaking the skin, just leaving a faint hardly noticeably line behind it. Reid recognized this as psychological torture, and he wouldn’t give the Unsub the satisfaction of a reaction. He just closed his eyes and tried his best to ignore.

The Unsub trailed the machete down to Reid’s abdomen and pointed the tip of the blade just right to not hit any necessary organs, not just yet. The Unsub raised his weapon and with a swift downwards motions he embedded the machete into Reid’s side. Reid couldn’t help but let out a loud gasp, another set of tears ran down his face, his breathing rate became more unstable and unsteady, a soft almost suppressed yelp escaped his lips, and the Unsub seemed to like his reaction, because he left the machete in him, which kept most of the blood inside his body.

How much time had passed since the initial abduction Reid could only guess, and he knew he only had twenty-four hours. His vision would come and go, enveloped in black as he passed out from pain, and unable to look away from the loose light bulb that hung directly above him was turning his vision spotty.

Brought back to attention to the unsub by the movement of the blade inside him he could barely get out a weak, “Please,” before the unsub ruthlessly yanked his weapon from Reid’s body, releasing another wave of blood and pain.

“Please,”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay. Let’s talk about what we do know. We know that the Unsub hardly takes anyone outside the neighborhood, that means he probably lives in the area, right?” offered Luke.

“And the fact that he is slowly killing his victims, and keeping them awake for the torture, confirms two things, that he’s a sadist and that he is somewhere where surrounding people couldn’t hear any screams,” said Tara as she handed out coffee to her team.

“Hey, Garcia, is there any home owned land with at least 25 acres in this 10-mile radius?” Emily said on speaker.

“Yes, there are 3 that I can see here, one owned by a farm, which is active, might not have luck there, another one was just inherited to a young family, and the last one is owned by a Jacob Hall, looks like he’s a single male, white, 40s to 50s...”

“Just like our profile! Garcia can you-” started Matt.

“Address already in your phones.”

“Thanks, Garcia,” said Prentiss as the team rushed through the door of the station.

“Emily? Bring him back home.” Prentiss could hear Garcia’s voice breaking over the phone, which almost brought out the sob stuck in her own voice, but there was no time for that.

“We will,”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dying didn’t seem a bad option now. If he was dead the pain would go away. And Mauve, he could be with Mauve again. As the delirium from the pain took over his rational mind he gave in to his innermost thoughts. Why should he hold on? Hold onto this world that only seemed to bring him pain? He had died before. For a moment. Revived by CPR by a man that died soon after. He was young then. Full of hope of rescue.

But you can only survive so long on pain and sadness. You can only see so many friends die in front of you, leave you behind. There is only so much one can take before they break. Why did he refuse to break? Why did he stay in the field, after everything he had gone through? Why not just leave now. No pain. No hurt. No pressure. The relief seemed so close, he could almost taste it. Reid closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of reuniting with Mauve. But there were voices telling him to hold on, it wasn’t Mauve's voice, it was a voice he had grown accustomed too, a voice that he had known for over a decade, his best friend Jennifer, and Penelope, Emily was there too, and Rossi. Then he heard it, a voice that he hadn’t heard in a while. “Hang in there kid. I’m here.” Derek Morgan’s calming voice faded from Reid’s delirious mind as he was brought back to his painful reality with a jolt from a slap. That mark was sure to leave his face red, Reid thought to himself, but then again he was probably all covered in red already.

“Hey. Stay awake. I want you to see this next part.” the Unsub now was holding a smaller knife standing over Reid’s bindings.

Reid could only shake his head, he was so worn he could no longer even tremble with terror. All Reid wanted to do was go to sleep. And maybe take a cold bath. His forehead dripped with sweat and blood and his wounds seemed to radiate heat.

The Unsub took Reid’s wrist into his own meaty hands and delicately started making a small slit, getting more aggressive and rougher with each stroke. Reid turned his head away from the Unsub, digging his face into the table, if he wasn’t looking, it wasn’t happening. That mentality didn’t last long as the pain made him only able to think about one thing.

Oh, how Reid wished that he wasn’t tied up. Then at least he would be able to wipe the blood that was dripping agonizingly slow down his face. His time was almost up. Reid could feel it. This was the end. He held on, for his team, but as he lay bleeding out on the table in a barn in the middle of no-where Wisconsin he realized that he was completely and utterly alone.

No one but his above average IQ to consider, no one but the murderer in front of him to see him take his last breath. The unsub took out his knife that he used first, and stood gleefully in front of Reid, his last stroke would be with the same weapon as his first stroke. Reid wondered for a bit if this was intentional, why he was thinking of such minuscule matters was only to distract him from his impending doom. Reid shut his eyes for what he assumed to be the last time. How he longed to see his team and his mother for the last time. He had faith in them, he had faith in the system, but after a lifetime of mystery and hurt, he had learned to never expect relief.

“Thanks for playing, boy,” The Unsub rose his weapon high above his head.

“FBI! Drop your weapon!” Prentiss shouted as the team burst through the old barn doors.

Reid looked up at his friends, and a smile of relief washed over him. They were here. Even if he died now, at least it would be with his family. The Unsub regarded the hoard of Agents that surrounded him, guns pointed. He glanced down at Reid, still bound by ropes on the wooden table, holes seeping blood from everywhere it seemed. All he wanted to do was see them bleed. See them all bleed. In a split second the unsub made his decision, with a wicked smirk he tilted the blade towards Reid’s heart and started to plunge.

In a moment the team rushed towards the Unsub and Reid, careful to not hit their friend they let loose on the Unsub, filling him with bullets. His downward aim already in motion he fell forward with the knife still on route to Reid’s heart. Reid gathered the information and processed, if he rotated to the right he would have more of a chance of making it out of here alive.

The knife again pierced his skin and the Unsub’s body lay atop Reid and it. JJ and Rossi rushed to him, ripping the Unsub away. JJ untied Reid and Rossi immediately put pressure on the deepest open wounds that he could find.

“Spence,” JJ’s eyes filled with tears as she saw her friend lay so weak and drained. Reid could barely look them in the eyes he was so tired, the latest stab wound taking the last bit he had left in him.

As his mind drifted off he mumbled a small, “Mauve,”

JJ’s brow furrowed as she held on tightly to Reid’s hand, for support but also to help his bleeding wrist.

“Spencer, you have to stay with us, okay? I’m sorry you can’t go with Mauve. Please, Spence, don’t leave me.” JJ was unable to stop the wave of tears that streamed down her face. “Don’t leave us. Think about your godchildren, Henry, Spence you promised him you would make it to his birthday next week. You can’t go.”

Wiping her face she rested her other hand on his heaving shoulder.

“You can’t go,”

“Don’t take the knife out!” Tara called out as she approached the wounded man. “That’s the only thing keeping him alive right now, it’s blocking the majority of the blood from coming out.” The others nodded in understanding as they all stood around Reid.

“Medics are on their way, is he conscious?” Emily inquired.

“I don’t-I don’t think so,” JJ said with uncertainty in her voice that made everyone feel unsettled.

“We can’t move him until they arrive,” said Luke.

“Is there anything we can do?” asked Matt.

“Try to stop some of the bleeding, and pray to God that they arrive in time,” said Rossi.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * ** * * * * * * * * * *

The sound of sirens blaring in his ears awoke Reid with a start, his vision was blurry and he could only see out of one eye, the other wrapped in a bandage. After blinking profusely to try to clear his head he looked around him. He was strapped to a stretcher in an ambulance, JJ was still holding his hand as an EMT applied more bandages to his body, a paramedic just inserted an IV into him, and whatever was in it wasn’t quite taking the edge off.

“Spence, you’re awake!” JJ cried with joy. He gave her a weak smile that morphed into a grimace as another wave of pain hit him.

“Sir we need to give you a transfusion as soon as possible, you lost a lot of blood. Do you know what blood type you are?” Reid nodded shakily, but his voice didn’t seem to work. JJ saw him struggling and gave the Paramedic the knowledge that she needed. Reid’s pulse was thready, breathing erratic, and concentration at none, but he couldn’t help but feel at ease knowing that his best friend was right beside him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * *

The next time Reid awoke he was surrounded by his team, some of them sleeping on the couch, some on the chairs, some slumped against the wall. The dim light of his hospital room led him to believe it had to be late night or early morning.

Sleeping upright in a chair inches from his hospital bed rested a head-to-toe in color, Garcia. She jolted awake from some six sense, sensing that he was up.

“Garcia? What are you doing here? Are we still in-”

“Wisconsin? Yes. They couldn’t transfer you in the,” she gestured at his patched-up body, “state that you were in. I flew down. I couldn’t let my boy genius be in a hospital without a proper gift-bag!” she grabbed a bright pink bag at her feet and shook it with excitement.

“But that can be for later, now, you just need to tell me how you are.”

Reid shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve been better. What happened, exactly?”

“After the medics came they, uh, pumped you full of blood, then you had to get emergency surgery for the...multiple stab wounds you acquired.” she shook her head at tears were starting to form in her eyes. “I just, can’t believe we almost lost you. Again. You have been in a coma for 2 days after the surgery, and honestly, the doctors didn’t know if you’d make it.”

Reid took in the information as he stared out at the rest of his slumbering team. “You mean they all stayed here, for me?”

“Spencer, none of us are going to let you out of our site again!” she said with a laugh, that must have been more than a whisper because JJ was soon awake and at his side, in no time the whole team was, showering him with love that was so absent from the barn he came from.

As hurt and pain-ridden he was, Reid couldn’t help but feel like the most blessed person in the entire world.

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