#I have just given up on it. It's no fun to me anymore but i will do tiny edits still.

[princessfbi]

I think that anon is upset bc all of a sudden no one cares about buddie anymore bc bi buck is canon and that apparently means he needs to sleep with any man and that relationships have no sancticity anymore. It's bc of this type of "oh we just having some slutty fun" that Tim is not going to make buddie canon anymore bc people are happy with bi buck hooking up with anyone. After so many years of shipping buddie many "fans" have jumped ship and if they don't jump ship, they dip their toes into creating cheap threeways. It's upsetting

And respectfully that’s ridiculous.

Buck discovering his bisexuality is NOT a consolation prize. It’s an important story that affects a lot of people and impacts even more. Not just from his journey for his sexuality but also the way he’s discovering it later in life. To act like such is disrespectful to the character and the bisexual community.

And what’s even more insulting is to call that exploration which involves uncommitted fun sex “slutty” in the tone of condemnation you are using. That’s called slut shaming. And if you cared about Eddie at all then you would care that he would be allowed to experience the same gentle space to grow like Buck is being given right now. If that hasn’t been a concern for you then you need to reevaluate if your “loyalty” is care or obsession bordering on fetishizing.

It is fine to not like Tommy. What is not fine is to be an asshole to people who do. You don’t see me going around leaving hate anon to people who like Brussels sprouts now do you?

You people have GOT to learn how to cope with things not going the way you initially planned for it. The world is full of unexpected outcomes. I am here because I am having fun and because I love these characters. If you aren’t having fun, I’m sorry but that is not mine nor anyone else’s problem but your own. Take your temper tantrum somewhere else because I will not hold your hand through it.

I have quite literally written over a million words for buddie. I have thousands more planned. But what characters I like and how I explore them is up to nobody but myself. I write for me and I choose to share this gift. You have the choice to not read it. What you don’t have a choice in is what I do with my life and my fun. For me that’s exploring Buddie, Bucktommy, and the magnificent Throuple that is BuckTommyEddie.

Be upset if you must though I would urge you to try and live a little. But what you don’t get to be upset about is me not sharing in those feelings with you.

You’re not upset about Buddie. You’re upset because the world is an uncontrollable place and it’s not revolving around you.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #also these are not real people #I promise you their feelings are not hurt #anon #royal decree

[runawaymun]

Ask me about my not-yet-written-fics from this list

@linesofreturninggeese

Okay, so this is something I was talking over with @metatomatoes because I wanted Celebrimbor to survive so badly but like, I just could not see how it was possible, and then we got to talking and fucking around with Elvish biology and I think I can make it work.

this is all based on the foundation that Elrond and Celebrimbor were very close in the second age, and/or it piggybacks on the To Partake universe. Either way, they have an Osanwe bond. Not quite a marriage bond. It's a bit weaker than that, but a bond nonetheless.

there are human burn victims who have lost a tremendous amount of skin with medical care and survived, right?

and obviously the greatest risks here are blood loss, infection, and hypothermia

It's reasonable to me to assume that elves have pretty good blood clotting.

We also know from canon that they're better at regulating their temp than we are

If elves are pretty much immune to infection, we can knock that out.

With some sketchy research the general consensus is that a human IRL could, after being flayed, last 36 hours, or perhaps up to a week (if given fluids and semi cared for).

Reasonable to me to assume because Sauron is Sauron that he might continue to toy with Celebrimbor post-flaying, which means he has a vested interest in keeping him alive a bit longer.

Also reasonable to assume that elvish bodies can withstand quite a lot, considering Maedhros survived torture and being hung off a mountainside for a really long time while captured by Morgoth.

So, the final kicker here IIRC was @metatomatoes' idea - which is, what if elves are essentially able to drop into a stasis state? Like where everything slowly shuts down to minimal functions in order to survive extreme conditions? Explains a lot of things, really.

With that, what if rather than dying, Celebrimbor drops into stasis.

Stasis is no fun for Sauron :( Celebrimbor's not making fun noises anymore when he gets hurt.

So at this point Sauron has him shot full of arrows (assuming that he'll be dead soon) and hangs him up to taunt Elrond and Gil-Galad, per the canon events.

Everyone at this point is pretty confident that Celebrimbor is dead as a doornail,

EXCEPT ELROND.

Because he can absolutely feel through their Osanwe bond that there's something left there, and post-siege of Eregion when they finally recapture everything and pull Celebrimbor down, everyone is like "Elrond he's dead, we promise he's dead" and Elrond is like "I promise he's not!!!!!!!!! he's in stasis!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And Elrond by now has Vilya, which enhances his already incredibly strong healing.

Also I have already established within my own universe that Elrond is a bit of a necromancer, so long as someone is only mostly dead (re Princess Bride hehe).

SO, he manages to bring Celebrimbor back from the grave.

And granted, Celebrimbor is like, severely fucked up and perhaps does not even want to continue living, but Elrond is determined.

Once Celebrimbor has recovered (it is a long, slow road) he winds up just living with Elrond in Rivendell, possibly under an alias idk. But hey everyone talks about that weirdly good smith in Rivendell. Like uncannily good smith.

I like to imagine that he's the one who reforged Anduril :3

#torture cw #celebrimbor #elrond

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Emily Prentiss x Reader Headcanons

Mostly SFW, but a few lil spicy ones throughout (below the line).

Chews on pens/pencils when she's anxious or deep in thought and it's inexplicably hot.

Has a glass of very nice, very expensive red wine every night.

Fluent in Arabic, French, Spanish, and Italian. Passable in Russian.

Seems quiet and mysterious at first but is actually just a huge dork.

Breaks down crying every time before starting her period and will say, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm so emotional today," and you're like... "Babe, don't you start tomorrow?"

Usually a no-strings-attached-sex kind of person, mostly because relationships are hard with her job. You're the exception.

Will fold like a wet napkin for nice chocolate.

Notorious for ghosting lol. Sometimes even used a fake name. A bad habit from her undercover days.

Not subtle at all when coming on to you. Pretty much asked you for a date out of the blue.

Loves that you can talk about the deep, dark stuff, but can also make her laugh like no one else.

If for any reason you wake up in the night–stomachache, nightmare, scary storm–she is up with you. She'll claim she can't sleep either, but really she just wants to hold you and make sure you get back to sleep okay.

Watches you breathe at night. She finds it deeply comforting.

Takes you once a year to her grandfather’s cottage in the French Alps, where she spent a lot of time growing up.

Grew up Catholic. She’s not religious anymore, but sometimes she still likes to listen to old hymns and chants, like they had at the mass she and her mom attended in Italy.

Opens every door for you always. In fact, she’ll be hurt if you don’t let her open the door.

An incredibly good listener. She loves hearing about your day, no matter how mundane it was, because her days are usually filled with the darkest, most horrific things.

Has two tattoos. (1) On her ankle. A word from the Qur’an (لِّتَسۡكُنُوۡۤ) that roughly translates to “that you may find tranquility.” She got it in Italy when she started to realize she liked girls, because girls were the only people in whom she ever found tranquility. (2) On her hip. A small asterisk a la Kurt Vonnegut.

Insanely protective. She will not let anyone touch you, say anything to you, even look at you with nefarious intentions.

Has a little note on her phone where she writes down your favorite things–takeout, flowers, ice cream flavors, the brand of tampons you use–so she'll always remember.

“Call me when you get there.” Has to know where you are at all times. You gave up arguing and just constantly have your phone location shared with her. It’d be suffocating except that, given her job, it makes sense.

Loves that you are so independent. She’s watched too many BAU relationships fall apart because their partner was frustrated with the demanding BAU work schedule. You don’t really mind. Of course, you miss her, but you also really like your alone time, so things balance out nicely.

Puzzle fiend. There’s almost always a puzzle going on the coffee table.

Queen of leaving people on read. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that texts usually fall by the wayside when she’s in the field.

Secretly loves it so much when you brag about her. She’ll act all embarrassed about it, but it means a lot that you’re proud of her.

A hipster in the sense that if something is popular, she automatically decides she doesn’t like it. You make fun of her a lot for this.

Falls in love with you every time she notices one of your little gestures–having a second go-bag packed and ready at all times, doing the laundry, packing little granola bars in her purse because you know she forgets to stop for lunch, returning books to the library for her, etc.

Incredibly stubborn. Thankfully, you are, too, so you’re well-matched. On the downside, sometimes it takes forever to make a decision because neither of you are willing to back down.

Swears like a sailor when she’s not at work.

Kind of quiet with other people, but will talk with you late into the night, until you fall asleep. You love that you get to fall asleep to her voice.

Touches you like you’re made of gold, like you were made to be cherished and held on to.

Cheek/nose/forehead kisses. all. the. time.

Kisses you good morning and good night, every time, no matter when she gets home or when she leaves.

You would never guess it, but she lives for gossip. She doesn’t want to be part of the drama, but she sure as hell wants to know about it.

Drives her wild (in bed and out) that you are 100% hers. It is not in your nature to cheat, you are wholly devoted to your person, and she is over the moon that she’s that person.

Acts like a top, is a top.

Can drink coffee at midnight and be conked out twenty minutes later.

After a particularly hard case, she’ll come home and want to just hold you really tight against her chest, sometimes for an hour or more. You always let her.

Big spoon, always. She likes to feel like she’s keeping you safe.

Favorite food is the sweet potato burrito from Muchas Gracias, but they only have them at lunch and she is never in DC at lunchtime, so sometimes you go buy her one and pack it for her for lunch the next day. It makes her day every time.

Honestly it’s a struggle when you have to get up before her because she has you in a ninja death grip that is almost impossible to get out of.

Her feet are always cold, so she has a huge collection of fuzzy socks.

Movie buff. Has a giant checklist of all the Oscar noms during awards season, and you watch one almost every night she’s home.

Loves to shower with you. You will get clean, but you’ll get fucked first.

A wizard with a wand (iykwim).

She still gets butterflies when you hold hands.

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds #emily prentiss fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #emily prentiss hcs #emily prentiss headcanons #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds hcs

[scoonsalicious]

Bonus: Iron Man 1; 1/?

So, I decided to re-watch Iron Man tonight, and I started thinking about how Pocket would fit into existing MCU narratives. So, here's a little bonus, taking place during the first Iron Man movie. This might turn into something, it might not. For now, just a little fun thing I did, mostly so I could write more Pocket/Tony (even though she hasn't been given the nickname 'Pocket' yet). Enjoy!

“Only you would fuck a girl who called you a war profiteer,” you told Tony over the video call from your office in New York. “She still upstairs?”

“Miss Potts should be taking care of her right now,” Tony said as he fiddled with the engine of his 1932 Ford Flathead Roadster in his Malibu garage. 

“How’s that working out, anyway?” you asked, your interest piqued. “She’s lasted loads longer than any of your other personal assistants.”

“She’s good,” Tony said, taking a piece of the car’s engine out and putting it aside. “Very efficient.”

“I like her,” you told him. “I think she’s been good for you.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t need her if you just moved out here permanently,” he told you. 

“And just leave the New York office to Obadiah Stane? I don’t think so,” you said. 

“I don’t know why you hate him so much, Kiddo,” Tony said, turning his focus away from the car and fully onto you.

“He’s the one who hates me,” you clarified. “I’m just matching his energy.”

“I think you’re reading too much into it. He’s a little wary of you, that’s all.”

“He hates that you nominated me for Chief Technical Officer,” you said. “He officially opposed the nomination in front of the board.”

Tony frowned. “When the fuck did that happen? Why wasn’t I informed of it?”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe if you spent a little less time shooting craps and fucking Vanity Fair reporters, and actually attended a board meeting every once in a while,” you said. 

“I’ll talk to him,” Tony assured you.

“No, don’t,” you protested. “It’s bad enough he thinks I’m just another one of your fangirls. The last thing I need is for you to make a demand on him for my sake.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” he asked you. “This job is yours– it should be yours. You’ve earned it.”

You sighed. “And I appreciate you saying that. Thing is, I’m not going to prove that by having you tell people. Only way it’s going to happen is if they see what I’m capable of, and if I leave New York for Malibu, they never will.”

“Did I ever tell you you’re very annoying when you make a valid point that goes against what I want?” Tony asked you.

“Frequently. All the time. Why do you think I enjoy doing it so much?”

“You know, I think I liked you better when you were just a stripper,” he said.

You stuck your tongue out at him through the video feed. “Yeah, well, whose fault is it that I’m not anymore?”

“You could always join my flight crew, if you ever wanted back on the pole,” he teased.

“Please,” you scoffed at the suggestion. “You call them dancers? They should be ashamed of themselves.”

“Hey now, what they lack in rhythm, they make up for in other… areas,” Tony smirked. 

“Do you ever get tired of being a giant slut?” you asked affectionately.

“Not yet, but if I do, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Maybe second,” you told him.

“Whaddaya mean?”

“I don’t know– maybe you should tell Miss Potts first,” you grinned. You looked behind him to see the woman in question coming down the stairs through the glass door behind him. “Speaking of which, it’s her birthday today, so be nice.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “How the hell do you know that?” he asked you.

“I pay fucking attention, dumbass,” you said.

Pepper Potts entered the basement, talking on the phone. “You are supposed to be halfway around the world right now,” she said to Tony as she tapped something on her tablet.

“Hey, Pepper,” you called.

“(Y/N), hi,” the other woman said. “How’s the nomination going?”

You shrugged. “Oh, you know, just roadblocks from the patriarchy. No big deal.”

Pepper nodded understandingly at that.

“How’d she take it?” Tony asked Pepper, interrupting your conversation.

“Like a champ,” Pepper offered. 

“Which translates to ‘like an obnoxious bitch,” you chuckled. Pepper winked at you over Tony’s shoulder. “You owe her a raise, Boss,” you told Tony.

“You give a raise,” Tony said. He directed his next words to Pepper: “Why are you trying to hustle me out of here?” 

“Your flight was scheduled to leave an hour and a half ago,” she told him.

“That’s funny,” Tony said as he continued to play with the engine of the Roadster. “I thought with it being my plane and all, that it would just wait for me to get there.”

“This is the flight to Afghanistan?” you asked, and Pepper nodded at you.

“I mean,” Tony spoke over you, “doesn’t it defeat the whole purpose of having your own plane if it departs before you arrive?”

“Ignore him, Pepper,” you said, turning to face your computer monitor. “Tony, if you don’t get your ass to the airport right now, I’m going to hack into JARVIS’s system right now and swap all your playlists from metal to nineties bubblegum pop.”

“You wouldn’t.” Tony said, standing up and wiping his hands on a towel.

“Don’t test me, Boss,” you threatened. “This is a huge-ass contract.”

Inside Tony’s garage, the opening notes of Hanson’s MMMBop began to play.

“Fine, enough! You win, you tiny monster!’ Tony grunted, throwing his towel down. 

You immediately cut the music. “Get on that plane,” you warned him. “I’ll know if you don’t.” You gave him a Look. “And Pepper, tell him to stop pulling your pigtails, okay?”

Pepper blushed, but she just nodded.

“Give Rhodey a hug for me,” you told Tony, “and let me know when you land, you absolute dipshit.” You disconnected the call.

“You know,” said Tony, turning back to Pepper, “sometimes I regret ever meeting that kid.”

Pepper smiled. “No, you don’t.”

Tony grinned at her. “No, no I don’t. Not even for a second. Now, about that Jackson Pollock painting…”

#unwanted bonus

[starpros-sunshine]

honestly it makes all the sense in the world that wataru got a card in the phantom thieves vs detectives event even if his unit is not in it it wouldve been such a missed opportunity. imagine making a phantom thieves event where knights look like this ↓ and not including the magician character it wouldve been tragic. fortunately he very much was in the event and it made me cry

They saw Arsene Lupin they saw Kaito Kid and they said that if they're not gonna have their elusive silly magician with a maybe tragic backstory in it and of he doesn't open up to someone and make everyone who reads it feel indescribable emotuons then What Even Is The Point

#sorry I'm zried and a little dizzy from walking around all day mentally I have given up onamkinh sense #genuinely I think the floor is just gonna turn into jelly I'm not even standing anymore I'm sitting #it's fine though #gonna spend the rest of the evening exploiting the hotels tv because it works and it's fun #phantom theves vs detectives not only one of the best shipping tropes known to man but also a really really really good Wataru story #i love phantom thief/detective relationships they are so special to me #the inherent homoeroticism of rivalry and less extreme manhunt #i feel like me liking this dynamic and me liking wataei somehow fits right together but I also like Kaishin so maybe I should just shut up #Heiji Shinichi Hakuba and Kaito could be in a polycule the comedic potential of that would be unmatched in their universe #they'd be the only polycule with an unintentional body count the only thing cancelling their harbinging of crimes happeninh #is Kaitos infinite luck #HOW did this turn into a detcon tag ramble this was about enstars #Yumefan🎼🌠

[adore-gregor]

my football team is so hopeless

#not dortmund lol i mean the club i play at myself #it makes me want to quit ngl #there are just so many things i'm fed up with #at times it's not fun anymore #i like playing football but there's just a lot wrong with this team #but i'm mostly just hanging around because i don't want to let my coach down like he cares and genuinly seems like a good coach #the only thing which gives me a bit of hope #and i hate letting people down 😅 that and also i hate giving up #but i have never seen a team more hopeless or felt more hopeless playing a sport 😅 #and he apparently thinks i'm kind of important to the team which i kind of get but also it doesn't really make a difference... #we're just so hopeless i can’t turn this around lol #i always start and i hope it continues but there's not much i can do #we just have too many people who don't care last match so many have given up #some of our team just refuse to run or move at some point it's awful #like why can't you try #we always loose so high like what's the point but still don't give up #besides that the endurance (and also sprint speed) of most is awful which could be trained to a point #but whenever the coach tries to do that almost no one shows up 💀 #and i usually play wing or outside midfielder but i'm supposed to also be a defender apparently what #whenever we get a goal on my side and i'm not back in defence someone moans at me like that's my fault #i get working back but i can’t be everywhere especially when some people don't move #and i actually try to get the ball foreward or try to get the ball back in the front because i don't give up when we're behind #i want to score goals and not settle with loosing and only sit back to do defence anymore #naturally there will be open spaces when i try to do that but how is giving up better even when it's hopeless we could still try scoring #and i can't be everywhere they should try my position they would never last 90min running like i do #besides i'm already exausted each week from my training before like i do sports 2-3 hours 6 or 7 days a week #unfortunately i have to because once again i'm trying some entrance exam (for sports to become a teach in sports and english hopefully) #asides from that i don't like most of the people at my club 😅 it feels a bit like highschool again and i didn't like highschool #so many are ignorant and judgemental #like the girl i told you about with her comment about the cleaning lady instead of wanting to clean up her stuff herself 🙄

[akkivee]

if i’ve spent egregious amounts of time reading fics or just put in stupid time in the fandom i’m counting it as a brainrot so

pokemon

sailor moon/dbz

sonic

batman/harley quinn

naruto

anything CLAMP

fruits basket

detective conan

super smash bros/anything nintendo

shugo chara

reborn

hetalia

free

the hobbit

marvel

bnha

voltron

hypmic

daiya no ace

twst

ORV

slam dunk

#this is vee speaking #this wasn’t difficult i think i just struggled on what i should include lol #like i struggled with deciding if i wanted to include batman but ultimately went yeah #because harley quinn and amy from sonic were twin hammer wielding gals who loved so thoroughly it changed me as a kid LOL #those two and misty from pkmn define the type of girls i stan thanks saturday morning cartoons lol #a lot of these run concurrently if you couldn’t tell tho lol like i have been sharing so much brain space while hypmic has been my main #and some of these have given me the some of the worst years of my life lmao #the hetalia phase was fun but the fandom is the reason i run this blog so minimally lol #i’m excited for the shugo chara sequel but i also despise her love interests esp now that i’m not her age anymore lmao #fck vld like actually and thank you hypmic for saving me from it lmao #and i’m actually having a great time with slam dunk lol it’s just so brutal the series is 33 years old lol #which means i have no outlet for how down bad i am for A SIDE CHARACTER in the series (tho he’s very popular in the modern fandom lol) #and i’ve been using google translate to read fics since the series blew up in seasia and all the fics are in chinese LOL #it’s such a fun and new experience since the eng fanbase is nonexistent but it’s frustrating that the eng fanbase is nonexistent lmao

[misspickman]

cassierose for the ship ask game !!

Ship It

What made you ship it? i liked them in tt03, which you know, is truly a feat considering how terribly that comic treats both of them. but their dynamic (angry homoeroticism) managed to be compelling still

What are your favorite things about the ship? i enjoy girl antagonism from time to time. i know were all sick of the trope that teen girls all hate each others guts but considering cassie has a pretty good relationship with all the other girls on her team(s) its fun to see her just go ugh i hate this one. this one can go. theyre just fun and bitchy and i think they should hatefuck about it. but beside that theres also so much potential there ! i think you know, if anyone writing that comic actually cared about cassie or rose or about their character development, it would have been interesting to see their relationship change over time instead of getting one issue where cassie implicitly calls rose family while protecting her, and then the next one she immediately she calls her a manipulative psychopath for no good reason bc they cant figure out how to make the team interesting without having some wildly antagonistic relationship that doesnt make sense if u think about it for a few seconds. theyre never going to be besties but it would have been nice to see them go from blind hate to an uneasy truce; they dont like each other but they do, unfortunately, care about each other, and lets see where we go from that. + itd be interesting to dig into cassies hypocrisy when it comes to hating rose

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? i guess its that i would like them to grow past mindlessly despising each other ? this is not me criticizing anyone but i feel like a lot of takes on cassierose ive seen are that they should stay in the hatefucking no mushy business❌❌❌phase which is definitely fair and true to how they are in tt03. but i do have some issues with the way they were written in tt03 (particularly cassie) and would like to see their dynamic progress from that (see rant above)

#i guess the reason im personally more interested in them sort of working through it is bc cassie doesnt have. a good reason for hating rose #i dont think its ooc but a lot of it Is supposed to be bc shes either jealous of her bc of tim (??)or thinks rose sucks bc she killed peopl #which is. she was drugged and manipulated and i think most teen titans in the superhero business should be able to handle #that sort of a not black and white situation #and idk. be more understanding. i know rose isnt super nice but maybe calling her a manipulative bitch constantly isnt the way to go #theres fun antagonism and theres cassie being just needlessly awful to her (that convo she and tim have about rose) #and i do think theyll always be bitchy to each other but i would like to imagine cassie is more considerate than this #and would eventually recognize she was occasionally just being shitty ! it would make for an interesting story ! alas #i think cassierose going from hating each others guts as teens to adult coworkers who dont really hate each other anymore #bc theyve been through so much shit together #but need to keep up the appearances of hating each other bc god forbid they admit to being kind of friends. that would be fun. to me<3 #ask #thank you. so sorry this got so long #youve given me an excuse to rant about cassierose so this is what u get<3 #sorry that the question was what i like about the ship and i just bitched about how it could be better #i guess the answer is im intrigued by the potential. also i love lesbians

[ironmanstan]

feel like ten doctor who rn

#interpret as u will #im losing my MARBLES its fine #i have finally given up on twitter i cant post in my silly circles anymore im so sad but anyway #cannot bring myself to hate my graphic design prof or my class bc i understand the purpose and if i understand something #then like #and if its logical and makes sense and i agree #then like i cant get mad #makes me so insane but whatever #im the guy getting bad grades but helping my classmates not fail in her class #and then everyone doing better than me in everything else #m so normal im so sane i need to stop shooting myself in the foot #ptsd killing me tho #your brain will feel like it is on fire and everyone makes you angry bc u feel like everyone is out to get you #AND u are in a constant state of underlying fear and paranoia. have fun #the meds are working tho i am staying saner than i was a few months ago. gbless #i just have to get through next week <- i say this every god damn week #the gamer speaks uwu

[royalphantompain]

Ugh

Probably gonna private this later

TW Illness and cancer warning

#I haven't been doing well the last week. #So uhh after a nice week of having fun with my family I got a job that I don't know if I'm fit to handle #So yeah that was eating up all my free time for the past few weeks and I was just stressed and had no more free time for art #Also I felt very unsafe at the job and I was never given any safety warning if something happened #I just felt too guilty to say anything but I did and I feel bad because that place there is short staffed and the people there where nice #But still. I just don't feel safe and I don't think I can handle it #And while that has been happening uhh my biological texted me that he has cancer #I feel comfortable enough to say that I hate him but I can't help but feel awful and terrible about it #I don't know I sort of feel guilty for feeling that way after what she did to me and my brothers and my mom #I keep him at arms length but I don't know #I'm scared of him because of what he did to one of my brothers that made him cut content with my dad #And that said brother is also going through a lot medical wise #Just been not in the best place it may get better soon. I'm trying my best to get something animated #But yeah my dad has only said he had cancer but not a certain type #He's a piece of shit but I don't think he will lie about that and he said we shouldn't get it in the future #He also hasn't mentioned what stage of cancer he has or anything he mentioned something about healing #But he also hasn't said he doesn't know how long he'll feel well for #I just don't know how o feel anymore

[victory-cookies]

the only irl friend I have that I feel comfortable actually talking about the things I enjoy with just insulted me for gushing about smth to her over snap last night and now I want to cry

#this is going in the tags bc it’s stupid but it’s making me sad so #the only irl friend I have that I actually felt comfortable sharing my interests with just made fun of me #for gushing to her about smth over snap last night #and I’m at work rn so I can’t even cry bc in a few minutes I’m back out on the floor #but just like. I think I have rsd (especially around my interests and then my intelligence but that’s not pertinent here) #so I’ve never really been super open about what things interest me bc when I get made fun of for it or those things get insulted #It really hurts #the only people I’ve really felt comfortable opening up to are like. Sid obv and then this one friend of mine #bc the two of us found out we shared some interests and started like. telling each other about other things we like #I’d tell her about my silly little tv shows and podcasts and she’d tell me about the movies and books she was into #and I’ve explained to her before how I’ve never really been comfortable enough to talk about that shit and how I appreciated her being kind #and not insulting me like other people have in the past #but today I’m sitting on break and watching the replies she sent me and one of them is just a clip in response to my video from last night #where she just goes ‘girl I literally don’t care’ (and this was not in a joking way like that was her response #and it was in a tone that implied ‘so shut up about it’) #and like I get it! I am often not interested in the things that people tell me about! but I try to be earnest and engaged #and I can understand loving smth and wanting to share it with others! and how it sucks when people are then mean about it! #like when she tells me about a teen drama romance book or sends me instagram reels of cake decorating I try to respond with enthusiasm! #bc while the content may not interest me I like hearing about the things she enjoys and I’m glad she feels open to telling me about stuff! #but now I don’t want to share shit with her anymore bc this has given me a huge spike in anxiety and I feel like shit #idk. it’s stupid but it sucks #vent #ig

[noxtivagus]

i shld sleep oh my god

#🌙.rambles #i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n #i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_ #gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff #just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i #end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade #i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom #fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything. #sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all #i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol #i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want #without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control #if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do? #sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too #but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down #bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family #that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor #but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too #i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though #from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down #n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still #yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for #her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side #bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny #hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers #shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like #the stuff i wrote last year 💀 but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful #maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically. #like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n. #be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah

[astrxealis]

it has been a while since i have advertised any of my favorite games and so hello ... !! i implore you to play final fantasy xiv (fourteen) it is my favorite game and it is so good for so many reasons i love it so much (unlimited free trial btw)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i could go on forever about this game and idk if that's even an exaggeration at this point bcs i've talked for hours about it #tbh i think any kind of gamer could play it (though ofc there's people who won't like it and that's fine bcs we're all different!) #but yeah it IS an mmorpg but there are really a lot of people who have this as their first mmorpg or the ONLY mmo they like #the story is incredibly good and ofc that too is. up to You but in general i do believe and a lot of others do as well that yeah #idk man :') this game has brought me an extreme amount of joy and is honestly . man. i owe so much to it #and i'm really not afraid to say that! either out of embarrassment or shame or whatever bcs i am affirmed by the many others who feel the #same that i'm not alone in feeling this way >_< idk. i think those around me and esp my loved ones and friends #deserve the experience the same joy ffxiv has given me ... even if not to the same extent ofc WHEEZE ffxiv just personally means #so much to me it consumes my mind and i love it so very much ehbgsbjhg BUT YEAH. yeah #i've felt a bit guilty or embarrassed to like ... express how much things mean to me bcs hmmhmmhm maybe i'm Too Much #but i think xiv has really helped me affirm myself and the fact that yeah! i'm just really passionate and enthusiastic about what i love #and uh. ehbghabgbhb i still don't share my thoughts except for to myself and to my twin and online just a bit but #man idk what i'm talking anymore about but i'm really grateful to ffxiv and i'm glad a lot of others are too ... >< #which is interesting bcs a lot of the playerbase is older than me :O hells yoshi-p is around the age of my dad and a streamer i watch is too #GBSHJBG ... and i have played with people much older than me as well! but it's. strangely nice? #i don't necessarily have to be wary about my safety bcs in general you wouldn't find that with the playerbase unless you do #specific things/go to specific places :O a lot are just people looking to have fun and/or relax after a long day. which is nice #hmm i'm just rambling a lot now again but yeah ... i think its really beautiful how we each have something that we love a lot #and for me one of those stuff is def ffxiv. and i . think it's understandable/valid for me to wish for those i care for to experience what #i have too :O hmm w all this ngl i see that i still need to better accept my feelings and all GHSBHG i'll try my best >< #okay rambles over GAH I SHOULD EAT DINNER. maybe finish 1 hw as well b4 the day ends ehe #tbh most of my rambles ^^ are for ffxiv w the RPG part bcs tbh it is true when people say it is like an rpg + mmo aspects lol #but i really appreciate the mmo aspect >< it's strangely helped me w my social anxiety rather than worsen it! #it's helped me make new friends and great experiences and considering w/o the mmo aspect i'd probably be still #drowning in my misery from back then :O if it were not for ffxiv i sincerely doubt i would have talked again to my irl best friends so <3 #okay i will stop rambling now. tbh i don't think ... hm ... nvm. but anyway! no pressure ofc but yes i suggest u play ffxiv teehee #but if you really can't due to Reasons that is ofc fine as well! i don't want to seem like i'm forcin people wah ... #it is just a thing for ffxiv players to like advertising for ffxiv and i so happen to really like doing that lol ehbsjgh >< #uh i forgot what else i wanted to say but my throat is gabgjebgjhs so bye bye

[ghost-of-you]

5sos keeps proving my theory that they'll do festivals all around next year. And I both hate and love that.

#i love that for them cuz its great for getting a bigger audience #given the size of the festivals #hate that for me #cuz if they come here only to go to rir again I'm fucked cuz i cannot afford rir #also festivals are usually shorter setlists #and if they do come only for a festival i will be mad #cuz they've been touring 26 songs #one hour 40 minutes concert #just to have what? one hour in a festival if were lucky? #half hour being the most likely scenario #i have too many feelings #also i am not willing to go to a festival just for them even if i could afford it #i do not have what it takes to survive a festival anymore 😂😂😂😂 #its gonna be fun #the wait is killing me #i do have money saved up that could get me cheap tickets but like #i dont know okay #this is all a lot #i'm rambling

[terraos]

Me when i call out 30 mins before my shift because nobody answered the phone when i called 5 times last night after the war on throwing up was almost lost 5 injured 23 missing

#save me from this hell #i know i’m going to get in trouble but i don’t care!!!! i just don’t care anymore!! #if i didn’t have to walk to work this morning i would have tried going anyways but if I’m walking for 30 mins #my ass is NOT going to make it there #if i have to fight against nausea while layinh down doing nothing until the eeper gets me (and i hope i don’t throw up in my sleep) #my nauseated ass is not surviving 30 minutes of heavy breathing and jostled walking #a 5-10 min car ride would be pushing it but i can handle that one with some stomach pills #and i would rather get in trouble for calling out so early vs throwing up on the way to work and having to still walk there + walk back #anyways hiii it’s another wonderful week let’s all love each other and ourselves and have fun <3 #<- battling nausea part 2. given up on going back to sleep

[eclarinet]

im so tired these days. i feel like everything is starting to grind to a halt. but it's ok. i will keep trying

#everywhere i go i keep seeing systems that are not flawed but corrupted by design and i'm so tired of it #i don't want to be a part of any of it #i want to break free of it all and live without shame #i'm tired of fighting #this is about so many many things lol #recently i have given up on my family and i don't want to talk to any of them anymore #fun fact! my brother got arrested #and my family is still defending him and enabling his actions #i've gotten more flak for skipping class for one day because my uterus was kliling me and i wanted to die #than he has for literally getting arrested #which is insane #like i don't want to be a part of this anymore #i'm so disappointed #my therapist says i need to let it all go and start working hard for myself #and not to prove any points #so i'm trying to let it all go #but i'm so tired #it's infuriating to wake up and see him at the computer all day and then go home and see him at the computer all night #and then getting yelled at because i forgot to wash the dishes after coming home from working a shift at school or from an exam #im just venting here because this blog ties me to nothing irl lmao #all i want is a friend and even that i have found is getting muddled up in school #who can i trust? #why are you all so hellbent on some strange popularity contest we aren't in high school anymore #is it so bad to be a little bit kinder and friendlier to someone who's struggling jsut as much as you are #im not even angry i'm just disappointed #i feel like i am constantly being let down #how's that for emotional awareness malar... #oh she used my session as a model session for a training therapist #does this mean i am a Good Patient (thing that is reasonable to want) #she also says that something that sets me apart from her other patients is my resilience