Tumgik
#I have no reason to be doing badly. I have no reason to be struggling
rubyuji · 2 days
Text
Restless (Lee Chan) ౨ৎ⋆˚。⋆ ☕️
Tumblr media
“OK enough, as far as I know, you know way more about me than I do about you. So, tell me about yourself?” 𓂃 ࣪˖
Genre: Fluff (this is just the sweetest thing ever, I can’t)
AU: Nonidol!au, College!au
Pairing: Dino x afab!reader
Warnings: none
Synopsis: After a week of traveling for school, Chan was ready to get home and crash onto his bed for the weekend. The problem? He was locked out for the night as his parents and younger brother had gone to visit their relatives on short notice, so he turned to his only option, you.
Note: Another recycled fic from my drafts that I never really finished ;; I’m popping out fics left and right atp but this one has a lack of proofreading and editing. Happy reading again guys, don’t forget to like + reblog!
Word Count: 2.8k
Tumblr media
“Bye Ms Kim! Bye, everyone! It was so nice to be with you all in Japan, until our next competition. You all did well” Chan bowed toward his teachers and fellow students as he left the bus, bag slung over his shoulder.
Once he was on the pavement, Chan sighed and hastily walked into his building, ready to pass out on his bed. He clicks the elevator button to the floor he lives on while fidgeting with the new keychain he had bought as a souvenir. The ride was taking longer than usual for some reason.
When the elevator dinged, indicating that he had arrived, Chan eagerly stepped out and headed for the door of his family’s apartment. Instead of him being able to open it easily with the password, the lock buzzes and the sound causes Chan to frown in confusion. Did his family decide to change the house code while he was away?
As Chan was about to try one more time, his brother had texted him about how they had gone to see family and forgot he would arrive that day, adding that wouldn’t be back until the next morning.
Seeing this, Chan runs a hand through his hair and huffs. He was so ready to get the rest he badly needed until an idea came to mind.
Chan turns towards the apartment next to his family’s and grins, you were probably home, right? A girl who was his age, living independently next to his family, probably wouldn’t have many places to be, so he tried the last bit of his luck.
You hear your doorbell ring and wonder who would be at your door late into the evening. As per your paranoid self, you bring a knife to the door, being a girl and living alone with her cat wasn’t exactly the ideal situation to be in, especially at this hour.
You hesitantly peek into your peephole and your jaw falls slack as you struggle to open the door. What the hell was Chan doing at your doorstep? You thought his family would be at home like usual, the Lee family never really went anywhere and would often invite you over so this came as a surprise.
“Chan? That’s new, what brings you here?” You squint at the boy and he chuckles awkwardly, a hand scratching his cheek.
He had his backpack still on his back and a small stroller next to him, he looked like he had just come back from the airport. ‘Oh, I forgot he flew to Japan last week for a dance competition,’ you thought to yourself.
“My family forgot about me arriving today and left to go see my relatives without me, so uh, I had no other option? Unless you’re uncomfortable with me staying for a night, I can just call up one of my friends to let me crash at theirs” Chan cringed at his own words.
Seungkwan lived an hour outside the main city and Vernon lived in a one-bedroom apartment that barely had anything but a bed and a place for his pet iguana. Mingyu was at his sister’s place, and Soonyoung had gone with his family, the house already cramped enough with two grown kids and their parents. He genuinely had no other option.
“What? No, it’s fine. I’ve known you and your family since the day I moved in, it’s the least I can do since you guys have been nice to me. Now come in,” You moved aside so Chan could shuffle in, and in his head, he made a mental note to thank you later when he wasn’t as tired from the jet lag.
You helped him move his things into the guest room before getting him settled. He looked exhausted, and as much as your crush on the boy had started to take in how adorable he was, you couldn’t afford to scare him off when he seemed like he had no other place to go.
“You can use the shower, I have extra products for guests in the second drawer so you’re free to use that as you like. I was making dinner so you’re also welcome to join me in case you haven’t eaten yet. Make yourself at home,” You offered Chan a shy smile and the boy felt his heart skip a beat. Have you always been that pretty?
Chan snapped himself out of his daze and nodded before smiling back at you. “Thanks, I seriously owe you a lot for letting me stay the night. I’m sorry for coming up on short notice,” he says bashfully. You were very kind and the fact that you even offered him dinner was crazy enough as it is.
“Hey, it’s no biggie. I don’t have guests over that often so it’s nice to have someone around now and then. Call this our first unofficial sleepover if you will,” You laugh and Chan can’t help but feel flustered around you. You were so calm despite everything, it was almost impressive to him.
You put your hands together and excuse yourself, making Chan stand up and smile at you once more before you leave the room.
“Towels are in that cabinet under the desk, I think you already have the password here since it’s just my cat’s name in lowercase letters,” Chan once again nods as he watches your figure disappear into the rest of the apartment.
The silence welcomes Chan as he turns to observe every inch of the room. It was very minimal with a simple white desk, a few pictures on display, and two candles off to the side. A white double-door closet stood at the opposite end of the bed, a plant in a gray pot right next to it.
A part of the wall had postcards from places he assumed you had gone to, as well as some awards from your school. It was nice how the room still had a few elements of you in it despite it being a guest room, he would’ve never known that you had topped your class or that you had been to France.
Grabbing a towel from the cabinet and some clothes from his bag, Chan then made his way over to your bathroom. As he was passing the kitchen, he saw your back and got a whiff of whatever you were making for dinner. It smelled like meat and ramyeon, something he had missed dearly during his entire trip to Japan.
Chan enters the bathroom quietly to avoid distracting you and looks at how organized everything is, noting that the room itself is also well-lit.
‘Maybe I should take a selfie in here later,’ he thought while checking himself in the mirror, only to grimace at his appearance shortly after. He looked beat despite the flight only being three hours.
You hear the shower turn on from the outside and continue to finish up plating the food, your cat rubbing herself against you as you bend down to pet her.
“It’s a bit weird, but you don’t mind having him around right?” Luna meows as if saying ‘Not at all’ and you chuckle.
“Well Luna, you already know how much I talk about him and it’s no surprise,” you tell your cat in a whisper. The shower halts and you bring the food to the coffee table in front of your TV, turning Netflix on while waiting for Chan.
“Oh, no way! Ramyeon and meat? You made this for me?” You hear Chan say dramatically as he clutches his chest. The reaction causes you to laugh as the boy plops himself on the couch beside you.
Seeing Chan in your peripheral almost made you choke on your bowl because of how good he looked. He was wearing a white shirt and grey sweats, so simple yet he looked godly.
“Not for you but I made extra ok! Wash the dishes with me at least since you still are technically a guest,” you joke.
Chan hums without another word and that was when you choked on your food. Wow, it was that easy? You thought you were going crazy. He looks at you oddly and raises an eyebrow at you.
“Sorry, I was shocked at how you agreed so quickly,” Chan laughed at your words before taking in the last bit of food on his plate, collecting all the dishes once you leaned back on the couch and sighed in contentment.
“Y/n, you said you’d do the dishes with me!” Chan whined from the kitchen. After opening your eyes and huffing, you then make your way into the kitchen and see Chan’s back in front of the sink.
“I have a dishwasher by the way, we can just rinse these off and put them in,” you say as a matter of fact.
Chan turns toward you with a huff and watches you open the space beside him, seeing you put in the rest of the dishes and turning them on.
“Remind me never to do dishes over here ever again” Chan frowns, a pout set on his lips as you wipe your hands dry.
“I’m honestly way too bored to watch something right now, do you mind just chatting for a bit? I’m too full,” the two of you walk into the living room once again before the boy hums with a smile. You sit on the couch and throw a blanket over the two of you.
Chan shifts to make himself more comfortable, suddenly noticing a very obvious lump under the blanket that slowly starts making its way toward you. “Luna, what did I say about hiding under the blanket? You’re so naughty.”
Grabbing your cat from under the covers, you then put her on top of your lap, her blue eyes staring straight into Chan’s soul. “Does she always stare? Her eyes are very, blue. It’s like she’s staring straight through me” he says, and takes a closer look at your cat.
“Sorry about her, I haven’t had anyone over in weeks so Luna’s fascinated by a new presence at the house” You giggle while petting her. Chan feels his heart do flips, seeing you in your most natural state made him fall for you just a tad bit more if that was even possible.
“Anyway, where have you been? Your parents told me you were in Japan or something. How was it there?” You grin.
You had been to Japan quite a few times, from what Chan could tell. If he could vaguely remember, one of the postcards in your room said Osaka and Kyoto, even Kobe.
“Ah yeah, we had our most recent competition there, it was great. A lot of sightseeing and whatnot for the most, I wish I went outside of Tokyo but we couldn’t leave so I had to settle with just exploring the city,” Chan breathes out, recalling the memories he made with his friends Yeonjun and Changbin.
“That sounds so cool! I’ve been to Tokyo loads of times and honestly, city life is way too busy for me. I think visiting the more provincial areas is great if you want the feeling of peace.” Chan noticed a bit of a distant look in your eyes and wondered if you were thinking about your memories in Japan as well.
Luna suddenly meows and jumps onto Chan’s lap, causing the two of you to jolt up out of surprise. “Huh, she’s usually weary of everyone. This is a first for her,” you say with a soft smile.
Chan pets Luna with a soft smile on his face, the image making your heart flutter. It was impossible to contain your crush on the male any longer after everything that happened, hell, even your cat liked him as much as you did.
“Well, hi there Luna. You’re adorable and look just like your owner. Y/n, you legitimately like your cat, she’s like a mini clone of yours.” Your cheeks heat up at Chan’s stare, the male looking between you and the cat as his eyes linger a bit too long on you.
“OK enough, as far as I know, you know way more about me than I do about you. So, tell me about yourself?” Chan says after a minute of silence.
You jolt at his voice and look at him with an awkward smile. There wasn’t much to say about yourself if you were being honest, you couldn’t gauge anything interesting enough to tell the boy.
“I can’t think of anything, I’m a pretty boring person,” Chan frowns at your words. Boring? That didn’t seem right to him, there was probably more to you than you think, he just had to get it out of you somehow.
“Are you sure? Y/n, you’ve gone to Japan and a lot of other countries, judging from your guest bedroom alone, and I think that’s interesting enough as it is.” You blush at Chan’s words, this was the first time someone had ever asked about you, and you felt grateful towards him.
“Thank you, Chan, that’s honestly super sweet of you to say. I just traveled a lot from a young age since I was offered the opportunity to, but for now, I’m just taking a break from it all. Moving to different places in such a fast-paced environment becomes exhausting once you get older,” You play with your hands and recall every single place you’ve been to.
Traveling and moving was all you had ever known since early childhood, due to your parents moving around a lot because of their jobs and because they were always just super busy people in general. One day, you just got so used to all of it that settling down for the first time in college felt foreign to you.
“That’s honestly really cool, I’ve only ever known the practice room and the music so dancing is like my version of that. Now that I was offered the opportunity to travel, I didn’t realize it would be so overwhelming, especially as a first-timer.” Chan smiles comfortingly.
He truly admired you a lot. After getting a feel of what your life was like, before settling down into one place, he was intrigued by your way of life. How things worked after you had gotten used to it all, and how you coped with the amount of change you were faced with.
“I guess we still do have quite a lot to learn from each other then. You have a lot to tell me, and I think that’s very clear based on our current ordeal.” Chan laughs.
You shrug your shoulders and throw him a sheepish smile. No one had ever been curious about you, or how you lived your life, unlike how Chan did. It felt refreshing to be able to share your life experiences and what you had gone through with someone who listened.
Sure, you did have your friends who were also curious about you, and that's how your friendships even came to be, but Chan was different.
You always thought you’d only have a few chance encounters with the boy next door, but you never thought you’d have him sitting beside you on your couch as you go over your life with him.
“I never really got the chance to talk about my life as much, but you were willing to listen to me like it was nothing. If I continue yapping though, we’d take forever and I don’t want to keep you up any longer since you are still tired from your flight,” You say, and look at Chan beside you.
A pout stays on his face, but he had totally forgotten about the jet lag and how badly he wanted to just pass out after spending time with you.
Chan truly couldn’t get enough of you, and he starts to feel a crush blooming in his chest, not like he had one already, he just never acted on his feelings towards you.
“Don’t be like that, I live next door so you’re technically welcome to come over anytime. Now go on, I’ll let you rest up. I’ll be in my room if you need me ok? Goodnight Chan,” You tilt your head a bit as you greet him goodnight, and Chan swears he felt his heart melt right at that very moment. It didn't help that your adorable cat was rubbed up against your leg too.
“I will, thanks again for letting me stay Y/n. Goodnight, sleep well,” Chan breathes out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. You grin and turn in the direction of your room, Luna following closely behind you.
Chan was restless when he came but with your presence alone, it seems like he could stay up for a whole week if he could.
Tumblr media
© rubyuji 2024’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.
37 notes · View notes
Text
Sometimes I feel very sad that I didn’t just focus on one creative skill. I look at my art some days and go I wish I’d spent all my time making only that, because that way it would look better and I’d do more and it wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t write very well because my art would be amazing and I’d be able to make the stuff I really want to and maybe even get a job related to it and I wouldn’t feel like so much time was wasted. And often times it really does feel like you’re wasting time and everything is telling you to just pick something to focus on so it can mean something and you can never seem to pick one of anything.
And then other days I feel like an absolute GOD. Anyone else able to write your own fic and then draw art for it just because you can? Can you make an edit/amv after writing a silly little analysis post on the show/character that is so perfectly on beat and fits the lyrics and with transitions so slapping you get chills while watching? Can you write a short silly ditty on the guitar about how you’re feeling using the eight chords know and belt it out only a little bit off key then do a choppy little animation of your sona singing it?
I may not be the most skilled at all of the above, and it can be a little lonely to be a one man band who doesn’t play half as well as a lot of people out there, but when your power goes out or your wifi dies or you have a day off, everyone else is busy and you’re alone...
you play the best gosh dang music in existence
#knox rambles#feeling some kinda way lately o7#these kinda vibes come back every once in a while#just gotta remind myself that ten year old me would go insane over the fact I can do what i can do#even if I'm not the best out there I am sure the best me out there#and that's pretty cool#i may only know one strum pattern on guitar and half a dozen chords at best#i may not be very good with punctuation and grammar while writing and I reuse words too much#I may do my art all leaning a little to the left too much and proportioned weirdly#I may export my amv's wrong so they're not on beat or forget good audio that would have made it REALLY great#I may write analysis's that are a little biased and look back on them and cringe a bit#I may only be able to animate the simpliest and shortest things and then go months even years at a time without animating#I may struggle to do animatics for what feels like no reason even if i want to so badly#but I can do all that stuff#I can write i can read and I can draw I can play guitar a bit i can sing I can make animatics animations amv's#and wow that's pretty incredible if you ask me#rambling rambling zero thoughts head empty YEET HGSDFLKJSDF#creative insecurities#they always sneak up on you a bit hglksjdfsdf#pretty safe to say I wouldn't be a creative if I didn't feel inadequate every person to ever create usually feels some kinda way ghsdflk;jsd#lays down#woo#hoping I can get back into the swing of being creative#things been pretty rough at home but I miss making stuff#ANYWAY HOPE Y'ALLS HAVING A FIRE DAY
67 notes · View notes
Text
friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you
#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that#will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT.#anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure.#and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo#$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive#and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started#anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean#and i am just so sad right now#and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun#not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course#i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as#breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage#i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard#i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade#and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone.#i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that#:((#honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug.#im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything
22 notes · View notes
13eyond13 · 11 months
Text
Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind
#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me#there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless#anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication#but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc#im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago#anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless#reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for#take it little steps at a time#celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call#the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more#instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much#i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc#also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them#and less alone in it all#because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are#the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end#volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and#i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually#like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all#other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby#p
18 notes · View notes
lilowoof · 23 days
Text
I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
3 notes · View notes
Text
I think the hardest thing in writing for me sometimes is the like “show don’t tell/let people communicate through subtext/Normal People don’t just walk around openly explaining their motivations for everything That’s Unnatural” thing because like.. I literally DO walk around openly explaining my motivations for everything, that is how I talk, I am an analytical detail oriented over-communicator who explains everything as thoroughly as possible and and will give a fully detailed 2 minute long answer to something simple like “how are you doing today?” .. like it’s hard to make things sound Natural and Normal when you yourself are inherently unnatural and abnormal in your methods of communication to an extent lol
#''hey. whats up? you look kind of sad.. is something wrong?''   normal answer (apparently how people are supposed to talk): *looks away#remosefully and stares into the distance* ''n-no.. I'm fine. don't worry about it.''   abnormal answer (how I would respond): ''Yeah I#'m mostly fine. I was just thinking about what the future is going to be like 30 years from now and if I'll ever actually accomplish anythin#g that I want to. which makes me feel X way for XYZ reason. you see because I had a dream last night that made me think of *continues to exp#lain my exact emotional state and inner thought process completely matter of factly in exact detail for 5 more minutes*#tfw you would be a badly written character if you existed in a story lol#This is also why I struggle making conflict because most conflicts can be resolved through conversation and I personally love to have long#detailed conversations about everything. Like literally I don't have hardly any conflicts interpersonally because if something happens it's#immediately followed up with like ''hey sorry if my tone of voice sounded a bit pointed or harsh. when you were talking to me I was trying#to balance all the stuff I was taking up the stairs and also my leg hurts so I think all my mental energy was being used there and I just#didn't feel like talking. I should have just said 'wait a minute and we can discuss it inside' instead of trying to end the conversation qui#ckly in a short rude way.' ''oh yeah thats fine. I thought it was something like that. sorry for hounding you about the topic as well. i#havent eaten in a while so I think I'm just a bit prickly at the moment. we should both rest for a while and destress from the store#trip and then talk about it later. maybe after lunch?' 'sure. sounds good.' like LITERALLY. lol#it is so hard for me to write characters who are bad communicators or don't understand their own internal states or arent constantly#analyzing their own actions to understand what they do/don't feel and why and what the cause of it is and etc. etc. etc.#I just naturally want everyone to perfectly undertsand everything and communicate amazingly and have complete self awareness and#logical presence of mind gjhbj.. which like.. of course comes across as unnatyural and also those type of people rarely ever get involved in#conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa#I mean you can get around this to some degree by the fact that (at least in my opinion) no rule for dialogue is 100%. dialogue is good if it#sounds naturally like it comes from the character who said it. It can be meandering and pointless and rambly IF that matches the character.#it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik#e '5000 year old cave dwelling hermit' type people is good for me and works BUT the thing is an ENTIRE cast of characters can't be that way.#at some point - even in a setting where everyone is reserved and academic (like a research camp in the wilderness full of scholars and stuff#) still SOMEBODY has to be the one who's conflict prone and doesn't pristinely understand all of their emotions and etc. etc. Because statis#tically that is still literally the majority. Kind of like my tendency to make everyone 100% aromantic and asexul when it's like.. YES.. may#be 2 or 3 or even 4 out of 10 of them could be that way. but like.. an entire group? a diverse group of 10 people from all walks of life and#EVERY single one is like that??? hgjh . you have to add realistic variety#As much as I'm pro 'have more stories where sex or romance are literally NOT involved at all in any capacity since it's already oversaturate#d in media' I'm also dedicated to realism. alas. (at least as realistic as you can get in a fantasy setting lol)
20 notes · View notes
noxtivagus · 1 year
Text
i remember again n feel better hehe 🥹🤍
#🌙.rambles#thought i'd just ramble abt this to my notes but maybe a fellow wanderer wld come across this#i mean. aside from a few irls that could very much stumble across this.. i get shy n embarrassed at the though of it but OH WELL HDKGJSKDS#majority here r basically friends acquaintances n strangers that essentially don't know. like my real name or address or wtvr.#basically we don't know each other irl directly so it's somehow for some reason much easier for me to be open about how i feel in tumblr ta#s bcs 1) i write VERY long. very unlikely that someone wld read it unless they seeked it out for some reason that only they'd know#my brain's empty rn it's a bit of a mess but i feel better than just pure emptiness bcs i remember how#genuinely when it comes to other ppl.. despite how they may feel about their own selves. disappointed hatred wtvr#that. regardless of that i know that my own truth for them would be that i'll love them the same#let's say if i don't reach a certain standard for my own grades. say i usually get grades that r 90-100 often around the higher end too#but for one course i get vey slightly below the 90 mark. i'd feel like such a failure i'd feel like such a disappointment#so much so that i genuinely can't accept how others aren't disappointment in me despite how much of a failure i feel i am#turn the tables however; how do i react for others? even if. theoretically let's say they outright fail#i wouldn't think of them as anything less. it doesn't change anything bcs i genuinely love and care for the other wholly from the heart#they're my equal. they're my friend. yeah.. i rmb times in the past where i wld nearly break down from being around the passing score for#only 1 exam. i'd have friends that failed though. & i also forgot of how for other exams i basically got perfect or wtvr#it's so easy to just blind ourselves n focus on failure n forget. things that r most important#i deal with failure.. very badly honestly bcs i achieved very well as a kid. aside from stuff in filipino which uh. yeah trauma but um#maths n sciences n english or wtvr n nearly everything else i'd get easy perfects but i'd forget them over one disappointment#i struggled w that lately w my released grades n it still hurts the regret really hurts so much n i hate myself so much for it but#i'm.. trying to be kind n i've managed to feel like myself for a while today. progress. thats enough to be proud of#bcs yk knowing how others feel of their own selves n the way i treat them despite it. i cld at least try again to do the same for myself#say 10 years from now i'd be more thankful n happy if i forgave myself for it than destroyed myself in pursuit of doing better#more than. success in terms of grades i'd much rather grow n develop as a person#that said recently i've had so much anxiety w reaching out to ppl n i reply slowly but i'm trying to do better#bcs yesterday i rmb feeling so low that i really wanted to reach out to someone.. that's a whole nother lvl of pain for me bcs that means#my hopelessness reached a level enough that i knew i really needed comfort n support or i'll break#indirectly. helping you made me realize n remember myself. n i felt well enough to reach out once more.. i'm too shy to say directly but#thank you very much for that. it means more to me than you'll ever know
3 notes · View notes
mrfoox · 2 years
Text
How to stop avoiding things that stress me out until it becomes a problem...
#miranda talking shit#I've always had an avoiding behavior but the last few years like its bad....#I think its bc i live af home so no one will check on me and remind me about stuff#So I just repress and ignore things until they are a bigger problem and then I'm like 0: what#For some reason ive put conversing with friends in that seat to its an problem#Like logically i know i like to talk with people amd 9/10 times i feel better for it but ... Now i just dont#For like 6 months now ive gotten so bad at it. I was bad before too but now its really bad#Only reason i can think of is that my add/autistic brain feels overwhelmed bc i dont have just 4 friends anymore#Like I've onlh had like 4 friends since i was young and until my 20s but now ive slowly gotten more#And i like that and love them all but i think i feel overwhelmed somehow ...#Like i struggle to divide my attention a lot. I function best when i can sink all my attention info one thing#And now when i have 15+ friends to keep in contact with i struggle so my solution is just to isolate and talk to no one...#Friendships with me suck. Especially if you're a person who does mind id you don't get an reply in a day bc It can take me weeks or more to#Come back with an answer ... And it's never bc i dislike anyone. Its simply bc i feel overwhelmed and i worry about what fo reply#Thats also why i think tje best friendships for me are the type where they ... Get that . But also engage with me and send me an message#Once in a while. Mainly bc then its like an poke button so i can't just isolate myself ?#Im so bad at social stuff in general. Like writing first... I struggle badly. And once i do and get an answer back fairly quickly im like#Oh shit no tjis is too much. Idk man. Everything in life feels so Much ™ and im exhausted and anxious#Autism tag
2 notes · View notes
mizugucci · 2 years
Text
yeah no no it's fine that my svt sets that usually hit 200 are averaging 50 I swear it's fine --
2 notes · View notes
villainartist · 16 days
Text
there is smth to be said abt how chihiro is always always always depicted in feminine clothing in merch + supplementary material despite her horribly written backstory like.
at some point, if she really wanted to 'stop pretending', she could easily make the choice to wear smth more unisex and 'subtle' but she always goes for the cutest, most feminine looking outfits and its like girl........ girl.....!
#and do NOT tell me its for non-spoilery reasons that shes still included with the girls and always wears cute feminine outfits in merch#pretty much everybody whos brushed against danganronpa knows whats going on with junko#if chihiro really truly was just A Cis Boy Crossdressing To Avoid Bullying (which inherently doesnt make much sense to me)#then like. you think said Cis Boy would... idk... at least try toeing the line between feminine and masculine expression more...#nobody is forcing 'him' to wear cutesy outfits and frilly dresses and brightly colored tops and short shorts in the summer...! just sayin#her internalized transphobia was absolutely self-devouring. honest to god#it ate her from the inside#junko probably took a lot of her self realization and mental peace away abt her gender expression w that memory wipe#its so fucked up. jesus christ#and then u play the game and sakura is forced to touch her corpse to discover the 'truth' and everyone just instantly switches#to masc pronouns with no struggle#its so badly written lmao#lets not even talk abt the whole physical strength = masculinity thing going on with her#also ive entirely given up on caring abt how other ppl perceive her gender#its a battle nobody will ever win#canon says shes a cis boy#her continous choice to express femininely#even in scenarios where she'd likely have 'come out' to her friends#saying otherwise#its just like#as long as you arent telling me to kms over a trans hc#then i dont have the energy to care#bc ppl who see her as a cis boy will not listen or change their minds#and i will not change my mind abt seeing her as a girl#i will say tho ppl who make older chihiro designs#and give her an out of nowhere square jaw and broad shoulders#and is like 6 feet tall#you are weird. i know what ur doing
1 note · View note
mikkouille · 2 months
Text
I've embarked myself into too much video game story it's all over now
#i was possessed couldnt stop#at last i go to bed.#last time finishing the expac did that except when i got to the trial i did get reasonable n stop to go to bed#this time i just went in (it went so badly fjdjdjs it was a struggle but twas fun in a way) both cuz i wanted to keep the high n i wanted#to know also and also smallest reason i felt agter seeing the guide that if i didnt go in immediately i never would vjfjdnsjs#see aforementioned disastrous go at the fight. it looked like itd be#twas for whole different reasons tho but man it was so messy gjgjfjdjejd i think once the chaos hit there was no return the disorganization?#but in hindsight. i only died of my mistake once. and it was just after being rezzed after the near wipe on attempt2 so. i dont count those.#i was blacked out being revived when boss casted his blizzard ofc i got frozen.#👈 excuses#its okayyyyyyyy we were all dying#n everytime i did catch a glance of the party list i wasnt at a healer spot so. granted idk how the healers could even do any damage#considering they had to just rez everyone all the time#how long was it into the fight that i glanced into the health of the boss in the middle of looking at everything but as i was just trying to#not die and keep punching— and that guy had basically not been damaged at all since the phase change cjfjdjsjks seeing that thing#near its half health 😮 oh we're never making it out#but we did! at what cost.#typin cuz i cant sleep rn. thoughts being thunked#im immensely sad i have to do fight replay in my head to not succumb to the sorrows of having endured it all emotionally.#it not being the fight the fight was fun 💗#tho gotta say. on attempt two. i did wonder if we were over when i saw the lb. was like oh aint that too early#and then i died ☺️ so i was right.#i was right next to the tank who activated it too gbdjsjszj it was the end next time ill remember. stay away from the tanks til its late#time and thus survive if they do a timing mistake thru the power of the ripples like that one other girlie who made it out alive#OH SHIT realised its cuz of her that we kept going actually#had a moment of !?? both healers were dead.... the rdm save ofc#tho granted itd prolly have been much faster to jusg restart after checkpoint if checkpoint was real indeed. sunk cock fallacy....#i sweated and shaked so much thru this encouted this was just like going thru ct the first time but more enjoyable. cuz i was dead the whole#time. just a few times#also nearly lost the qte both attempts!!?? any other qte before that was so fine and easy this one just shrunk so fast tho?
0 notes
snekdood · 6 months
Text
idc what your reason is for calling yourself a zionist rn i think its unhelpful, kinda cringe, and you trying to be counter culture in a time where doing so kinda just makes people assume you're a fascist.
0 notes
katbrando · 1 year
Text
i am getting so frustrated with this fic GHFUIDOHSGKLFSDG i just need a first draft for this check-in but THE DEADLINE IS THE 3RD UGH i could ask for an extension but i hate to do that....... my brain doesn't want to write this specifically, it wants to do other things 😩
0 notes
matryosika · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
Untitled #9
Wordcount — 1,618 words
Includes — Fem!reader, mentions of contraceptives, unprotected vaginal sex. Dubcon elements (but it is all explained in detail), mentions/fantasies of creampies, use of petnames (baby).
Author's note — Just a little something! I've had this thought for a while now, and I wanted to put it out there. Despite the dubcon elements of it, I really picture both parties being super into it with full consent —for this, the male character just puts up a fight because he considers things risky, but deep down he wants it just as bad. With that in mind, read this if you have no problem whatsoever with some dubcon. If it's not your cup of tea, just scroll!
Just thinking about a forced creampie with Chan.
He had been pretty vocal about how badly he wants to fuck you raw and come inside you, but the overly-reasonable, almost persecutory part of him doesn't let him get loose. Whenever he thinks about coming inside of you, he can't help but also overthink everything that could go wrong.
“Maybe I just need a little push, you know?” He told you right after you asked him what was stopping him from fulfilling his fantasies. “I tend to get too into my head, maybe I should just- I don't know, go for it in the heat of the moment”.
But even in the heat of the moment, Chan holds back. The amount of self-control he has is crazy, so as much as he wishes to get loose, he never manages to do so on his own.
You come up with a plan, but you first make sure that he is on the same page as you —that he wants this just as much as you. So you ask him just that, and the response you get is enough for you to proceed.
“I think about it at least twice a day,” Chan confessed. “I mean, not a day goes by without me thinking about how pretty your pussy would look leaking with my cum”.
So you start off slow —first, you convince him to fuck you without a condom, fully raw. He pulls out every fucking time, much against his lust's will, but you don't mind. At least not when you can now feel every inch of him, every thickness of his veins and the warmth of his bulge. And now, he gets to feel you too —like fully feel you. From your soft walls squeezing his dick, to the sticky arousal that drips out of you.
It doesn't take long for him to get addicted to that feeling, though —despite him “wanting to take things slow”, he soon becomes obsessed and the idea of using a condom ever again is discarded by Chan himself.
So it all starts off with fucking you raw, and it eventually ends up one night with you offering that much needed push to finally allow himself go.
You're on top of him, straddling his lap while his cock reaches the deepest spots inside your pussy. You can feel him twitching inside of you, and if that isn't enough confirmation that he is seconds away from coming, the grimaces of pain and pleasure along with the veins popping on his temple and neck definitely are.
His hands are bruising your hips pretty bad while he guides your movements on top of him —roughly grinding yourself against him, squeezing your walls to provide him with the stimulation he needs to come.
“Just like that,” he groans biting down his lower lip with furrowed eyebrows and eyes closed shut, “come on, fuck yourself on my cock just like that. Make me come”.
Coincidentally, you're trying to do just that. So when he bents his legs against the mattress, and his hands try to push your body away from his, you don't stop.
“Baby,” he groans out your name, whincing in pain the longer he tries to hold his orgasm back, “'m gonna- fuck, I'm close”.
You lean down over his body, placing chaste kisses along his jaw and neck, “give it to me, Chan”.
He squeezes his eyes shut, just as his body stiffens underneath yours, “move, baby”.
“Inside,” you whimper, shaking your head into the crook of his neck. “Come inside”.
Chan's back arches a little, just as he struggles to maneuver your body, but it's all useless —he doesn't have the strength to push you away, and he doesn't want to.
“No, baby,” Chan hisses, gripping your hips as rough as he can. “I can't- please, let me pull out”.
“Come on, Chan,” you plead into his ear, biting his earlobe while your walls clench around his girth, “I know you want to”.
He lets out a painful, exasperated groan in an attempt to hold back the pent up tension between his legs —you can see he is really trying his best not to come.
“Please,” you leave one last wet kiss on his neck before straightening up your body, going from grinding against his cock to fully bouncing on it, “please, come inside me. I need it”.
Chan swears he is going to lose his mind. Between the feeling of your cunt clenching around him, the sight of your pretty body bouncing on top of his, and the lewd words and moans that are leaving your lips, Chan is sure he isn't going to last any longer.
“Let me pull out,” he tells you once again, with no intention of ever wanting you to stop. At this point, Chan still puts up a fight because he doesn't want to give in too easily. But honestly, he is not interested in winning that fight whatsoever, “'m gonna come, baby”.
You press your hands against his chest and increase the pace of your movements, forcing his body underneath yours while caging it with your legs on each side of his body.
His face is flushed, and the painful grimaces and groans he lets out can only warn you that he might not resist any longer.
“Come for me,” you insist, digging your nails on the flesh of his chest, “please, fill me up”.
At one point, he just gives in to his dirtiest fantasies and carnal pleasures. Who is he to deny himself? You're begging for something that only he can give you, and he fucking will.
So the painful moans turn into primal ones, instictual and animalistic. He opens his eyes and stare at you, his hands going from your hips to your neck, choking you ever so slightly as you ride him to his high.
Not only that, but his hips start fucking into yours from underneath —if he is going to come inside you, he is going to have it his way. Meaning he is going to be the one in control, not you.
Your whole body trembles at the unexpected thrusts, and it doesn't take you long to feel a warm, almost hot sensation filling you up.
“You wanted me to come inside you?” He asks through gritted teeth, snapping his hips against yours while your whole body goes limp. Chan hugs you tightly in place, preventing his dick from sliding out of you, “you better not fucking waste it, then”.
He milks himself inside you with each thrust, letting out deep grunts of pleasure in between.
“Chan,” you gasp when you feel his cum oozing out of your pussy and around his cock, all while he is inside you, “fuck”.
Even after a few seconds, he feels he isn't done yet —he is still throbbing and pulsating inside your walls, and he just can't stop shooting his cum into you. This is the first time he comes like this, and it is as painful as it is pleasurable.
“It's dripping out of me,” you murmur when he finally slows down, looking down to where your bodies connect —it's messy, but neither of you can begin to care. At least not when it feels this good to be filled.
Chan lets out a deep exhale, his chest moving frantically as he tries to catch his breath. He feels defeated, and weak, but at the same time he can't wrap his head about how good it fucking felt to finally let go, to be able to fuck you full of his cum until it dripped out of your tight hole.
So much so, that the idea of pulling out and coming anywhere else it's just not an option any more.
And just like he got addicted to fucking you raw, he might be addicted to stuff you full of his cum now too.
He just needed a little push.
2K notes · View notes
gay-dorito-dust · 2 months
Text
Jason has cuteness aggression.
Anything that you do is cute as fuck to him and all he wants to do is squeeze the fuck out of you in his strong arms, but has to restrain himself from doing so because he doesn’t want to genuinely hurt you.
He’s just so full of love that he doesn’t know what to do with it other then spend all his time with you doing your own thing, even though everything within him is screaming at him to reach out and squish your cheeks together, all the while smothering your face in a abundance of kisses for doing absolutely nothing because that’s how badly in love he is.
Jason just didn’t want to scare you off in how he loves because it could be quite suffocating or too much, but as long as you communicate to him that his love wasn’t suffocating or too much then expect it to quickly be apart of your daily routine, then again it’s not like you’re complaining because an affectionate Jason is an adorable Jason.
So you’d happily just sit there and allow him to hold your face between his hands and kiss you senselessly for just simply existing.
‘Why. Are. You. So. Fucking. Cute.’ Jason would say between planting kisses on your lips, forehead and nose.
‘I’m not even doing anything other than sit here.’ You chuckled, smiling widely at feeling of his lips against your skin.
‘Not a valid enough response.’ Jason replies as he continues his barrage of affection.
‘But it’s true!’ You exclaimed as Jason enough you into his arms and squeezed you tightly as though you were a plush toy. You cuddled into him and rested your head on his chest, finding this side of Jason to be sweet and beautiful as himself. ‘Then why are you the most precious person in my life Hmmm?’ Jason asked rhetorically, burying his face into your head, tightening his grip on you. ‘Then why is it that I would do anything you’d ask without a second thought?’
‘Because we’re together?’ You said, faking ignorance as you wanted nothing more to hear him say it.
‘It’s because I love you chipmunk.’ Jason murmured as he pressed a lingering kiss to your temple, knowing that even if he did manage to show you all the love he had within him, he’d only find even more love underneath all that to give to you.
[PLATONIC ONLY] Damian Wayne claims that he hates being your friend.
But if that was the case then why is it that he goes out of his way to make sure that you were comfortable and treated with respect when he brings you over to the Wayne Manor; Something he’s never gone out of his way to do for anyone besides maybe Jon Kent, but that’s neither here nor there.
Then why was it that when he first introduce you to Titus as a sign of trust, the Great Dane didn’t waste a second in wanting to get to know you with how often he would impatiently nudge you with his head, whine and howl until you gave him head rubs and or cuddles. Damian on the other hand acted as though he was embarrassed by this, but was secretly happy that you and his dog got along as it meant a lot for Damian if Titus instantaneously likes you, he trusts Titus judgment as he believes that dogs were great judges of characters.
Then why was it that when you showed genuine signs of struggle, he was the first person to notice and help you with whatever you were having troubles with as best he could. Damian knew that he would be considered the last person people who go to for help and for obvious reasons, but when it was you Damian wanted to be your first choice, your first option out of everyone; If you get stuck then you might as well get stuck together, even tough he’s intelligent in his own right, he’s not prone to not knowing the answer to something.
It happens to everyone and you have to remind him in those moments that he’s imperfect human, not a weapon. He needs reminding of that now and then in all honesty.
Damian won’t out right call you his friend but he will show it without even knowing he’s even doing it until someone -maybe one of his brothers, mainly Grayson- points it out to him.
‘Is your friend coming over today?’ Grayson would ask.
‘They’re not my friend.’ Damian answered bitterly.
‘Then why are you clearing a space for them.’ Grayson then points out and that’s when Damian stops to realise what he was doing, scowling as he crossed his arms. ‘Tt. That’s none of your concern Grayson I just like to keep my living spaces clean and easily maintained.’ Graysons smile grew as he leant against the doorframe. ‘Oh really? That’s the only reason you’re doing this?’
‘Yes.’ Damian replied, adamant with his answer.
Grayson shrugs and raises his hands in surrender. ‘Okay, if that’s what going on then I guess I’ll leave you be then.’
‘That would be much appreciated Grayson, I still have much to do before y/n’s arrival-‘ Damian once again stopped upon realising what he was insinuating and looked towards Grayson who looked like the cat who caught the canary. ‘Not a word to anyone.’ Damian threatens as he points a finger at his older brother.
‘I didn’t hear a thing.’ Grayson said but as he walked into the hallway only to scream, ‘DAMIAN IS CLEARING UP HIS ROOM FOR HIS FRIEND! JASON YOU OWE ME MONEY! I WON THE BET!’
In the distance Jason could be heard cursing Dick out for cheating somehow.
Damian gritted his teeth but he knew he can’t hunt Dick down for sport just yet, you were arriving in ten minutes and he still had some work to do until then.
Dick has an obsession with you resting your head on his shoulder or on his back, followed by your arms holding onto his waist for dear life.
He lives for it and gets embarrassingly excited whenever you do it to the point that it’s obvious that he was expecting something every time you came home. Dick just likes the idea that despite how exhausted you might be, you still go out of your way to drag your feet across the room and rest your head on his shoulder as you whispered a greeting into his skin.
He enjoys this so much that if you ever dare to forget to do so, he’ll pout and silently watch you as you moved about the apartment expectantly. If after five minutes you still don’t do the thing then Dick will show you his back and sigh dramatically until you’re forced to take notice.
‘What’s wrong pretty bird?’ You asked wearily.
‘Nothing.’ He replies.
‘Dick you’re huffing and sighing every five seconds, somethings wrong.’ You said, getting up to move towards him before resting your head on his back and throwing your arms over his waist. ‘So tell me what’s wrong so that we can talk about it and get through it together.’ You murmur and you felt Dick relax as he rested his hands over your own.
‘There’s no need to talk about anything because you’re already doing the thing that I’ve been waiting for you to do since you got in.’ Dick answered and you couldn’t help but laugh at this while tightening your hold on his waist. ‘This? Seriously?’ You asked.
‘Yep.’ Confirmed Dick as he moved himself so that he could properly hold you against him. ‘Just this and only this.’ He adds softly and you had no reason to argue with him over something that brought him comfort and reassurance.
‘Okay, I’ll remember to do this a lot more, just for you.’ You promised, kissing his shoulder.
‘I’ll hold you to that promise sweetie.’ Dick says as he rested his head atop of yours, closing his eyes as he basked in your closeness and allowed himself to breathe and be in the moment with you.
Because that’s all he wanted, to live in the moment with you.
2K notes · View notes
slayfics · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Late night texting with Eijiro.
Warnings: Eijiro aged up | NSFW themes
Tumblr media
Eijiro tossed and turned in bed unable to drift to sleep with the memories of today's spar plaguing his mind. He had been rougher with you than he intended to today and he couldn't help but feel guilty.
Giving in to his worry Eijiro grabbed his phone and decided to message you.
Hey, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about today's spar. I didn't intend to be so rough. I hope you're alright.
You responded to him almost right away,
Kirishima it's late you should be asleep!
I couldn't help it! I just wanted to make sure you were doing ok.
I'm fine, no need to worry. Look, it isn't even that bad.
You texted and sent over a picture of your injuries from the spar. Eijiro felt his breath catch in his throat as soon as his eyes focused on the image.
You were lying in bed and had pulled your shirt up to show the injuries to your abdomen left from the spar.
He knew you were just trying to ease his mind by showing him the injuries weren't anything to worry about, but he couldn't help his mouth from falling open and his cheeks warmed by an excited blush.
The image showcased your body so perfectly lying delicately in bed. Eijiro couldn't look away from it as badly as he wanted to. This isn't manly at all. He thought as he found himself excited by a picture of your bruised body. Even still knowing it was wrong, his grip tightened on his phone and his heart rate increased the longer he stared.
Just as his hormones shot him nefarious thoughts causing his member to enlarge, you messaged him again.
Hello? You fall asleep on me Kiri?
Fuck, he typed out a response fast.
I'm still up! I guess it's not too bad, but I'm still sorry!
Stop apologizing! Besides, I got you pretty good too right?
Yeah, you did! You did amazing today!
Alright, let's see it then!
Eijiro felt himself freeze for a second time tonight. You- You wanted a picture of him? Eijiro shook all crude thoughts out of his mind. Don't be a perv, he told himself. You were just wanting to make sure his injuries weren't bad.
Eijiro must have been contemplating the meaning of your request for longer than he thought because you texted him again.
Unless you feel uncomfortable then it's totally fine you don't have to!
No no, it's fine! Give me a second!
Eijiro jumped out of bed panicking. You wanted a picture of him! He looked around his room and clumsily stumbled into the restroom deciding that was the best place to do it.
Ok ok, you can do this, he thought trying to hype himself up. Besides he is usually shirtless in his hero costume right? But for some reason, this felt so different. Eijiro struggled to keep his hands from shaking as he ripped off his shirt and nervously took selfies in front of the mirror.
What the hell am I doing, he second-guessed himself as he scrolled through the pictures he took deciding on the best one. Finally settling on one he nervously pressed the send button.
Your response came in minutes but felt like ages as he shakingly waited. Did he show too much skin, he wondered? He hoped his picture didn't look too suggestive. But you asked for one right? So it's fine, he thought, trying to ease himself.
Eijiro's eyes snapped to his phone as soon as it buzzed with a response from you.
Damn.
Was all your message said.
Damn, what?! He thought, running his hands over his face. Maybe you meant his injuries? Of course, right? That is what you two were talking about.
Yeah, you got me pretty good, but don't worry I'm alright!
He responded, commenting on the darkened bruises on his own abdomen that you had given him.
Not the injuries silly. You. You look good.
Eijiro's face burnt red hot reading your message. Do you really think he looked good? Was that the real reason you had asked him for a picture? Were the injuries just an excuse to ask, he wondered.
You look good too.
He typed and sent before thinking, panic caused him to quickly send a follow-up text.
Oh man, that sounded so pervy I'm sorry! I didn't mean for that to be weird or anything!
However, you didn't respond to Eijiro with a text but with another picture instead. This one was more provocative than the last showcasing even more of your body.
Eijiro suddenly felt his sweats become tighter as his excitement grew at the revelation that you were doing this on purpose. You wanted him to look at you with lustful eyes.
Yet again, Eijiro found himself staring too long causing you to send him a follow-up text.
Don't be rude, send one back.
Eijiro dabbed at the blood beginning to leak from his nose, as he realized: this was going to be a long night.
Tumblr media
Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes