#I have yet to believe it

[cozylittleartblog]

@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you

edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally

#dashboard #staff #tumblr update #comic #art #doodles #costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png #i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have #frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse #i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon #my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it #this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change #i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god. #edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow! #but then shes gone…. for a while…… #and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not. #snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[nortism]

jim jimenez and their girlfriend working together to get jim’s boyfriend a girlfriend, truly no one is doing it like them

#i can’t believe they invented polyamory #does the polycule have a name yet? #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd 2 #ofmd 2 spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd spoilers #jim jimenez #jim ofmd #oluwande boodhari #archie ofmd #jim x oluwande #jim x archie #zheng x oluwande #zheng yi sao #polyamory #mine

[stevenrogered]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#911 #911edit #911 abc #911 on abc #911 on fox #911 fox #tuserkaz #911 spoilers #oliver stark #ryan guzman #buddie #buddieedit #evan buckley #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #mystuff #i cant believe this wasnt giffed yet lol #or was it #anyway have it again then lol #1k

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[canisalbus]

WOAH can we see the skull if thats ok?? that sounds so cool (also only 20€????)

Also since it's hollow you can stick led lights in there for this sort of effect (pardon the mushy quality):

#like I said it's a real Asian water buffalo skull #these are carved by hand in Indonesia mostly in Bali I believe #to my understanding skull carving is a long standing tradition over there but most pieces like this seem to be made for & sold to tourists #I got this one second (third?) hand and I suspect that perhaps the seller didn't know what it was and what they're worth #and yet they graciously agreed to go through the trouble of packaging it carefully and shipping it to the other side of the country #which couldn't have been very easy since it's a big and heavy skull #answered #apricottheapricat #vulture culture #animal death #cw animal death #taxidermy #cw taxidermy

[jellybeandrawsthings]

Tall, sunshine and pastels werewolf and her smol goth girlfriend

#wednesday #wednesday netflix #wenclair #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #can't believe these two finally brought me out of my art block #don't worry guys i also have some avatrice art in the works #and by in the works i mean i tought about it and have some ideas but haven't started drawing yet #i'm quite busy #for my publishing class we're supposed to make a whole ass book #so that's eating up most of my time #and that's just ONE class #anyway enjoy the smol and toll gfs

[spielzeugkaiser]

I have been grabbed by nostalgia for a certain show I started to watch the first few live-action episodes of..

#one piece #opla #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #sanji #nami #usopp #chopper #(had to include chopper because he's adorable) #I CAN'T BELIEVE op broke the curse but my god is it good 😔💖 #I have not watched anything yet but I love them all and I do wanna draw opla content one day #it's so much fun!! #the nostalgia is kicking hard too 🥺

[jeanivere]

you are a pretty man, arthur morgan.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 arthur #rdr2 fanart #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanart #fanart #rdr2 #arthur morgan rdr2 #my art #can you guys believe i havent drawn this man yet #i have really bad arthur brainrot rn 💔 #love him so much #this was fun to paint

[anna-scribbles]

they should've been at the club(infertility treatment centers)

#like guys. be real with me. how many options did you even try before turning to dark magic #nothing about the situation called for all that😭 #in my mind they're like 22 and 25 here which makes it all even funnier #guys please just adopt a dog or something😭 #nothing about either of you screams ready for parenthood #im so happy adrien agreste exists but the circumstances of his birth are so ridiculous #there is so much gabe and emilie couldve done besides this. they could have done anything #honestly knowing them(<-girl who believes she knows them) im not even convinced the infertility treatment wasnt working #I think they just both were so allured by the concept of a magic baby #they were like six months in and hadn't gotten pregnant yet and were like. well. I guess we're out of options! dark magic it is! #and made it everyone else's problem forever #these two wanted to be doomed by the narrative SO bad #honestly though being a 22 year old girl I kind of yet it. sometimes I see a cute baby and want one so bad maybe I too would use dark magic #maybe emilie agreste was just a girl. #anyway. sorry adrien that your parents were Like This but it is so so funny #anna rambles #ml #gabriel agreste #emilie agreste

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Parallel Lines and Brothers.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #lan wangji #lan xichen #jin zixuan #Does anyone else think about the tragedy of the parallel lines? Of characters who are parallel lines? #Of running the same course as someone. Of echoing each other in perfect synchronicity. #It's more than being a foil. It's about being on the same path and being so near to each other. #and yet parallel lines never intersect. They cannot meet each other despite their existence being tied to another. #I think the brothers tragedy is just as much of a tragedy of parallel lines as is pre-resurrection wangxian. #Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian spend so much time running side by side and yet - they cant close this gap between them. #Even if their relationship never recovers - they are forever tied together through their past. The good and bad and ugly. #All the things that are left unsaid between them. All the love and sacrifices they made for each other that are never shared. Parallel line #I firmly believe any post-canon material that would have them be indifferent towards each other is just...really doing them a disservice. #And dear god the Lan brothers. They certainly love each other! Its a far fonder fraternal relationship than jiangxian (/platonic) #They fool you by having you think they have a good read on each other. Lan Xichen certainly wingmans + advocates for lwj! #But lets not forget - Lan Xichen by the end is in the reverse situation and headspace as Lan Wangji by the end of this story. #Lan Wangji is more free and open than he has ever been. He's in love. He's married. He and wwx are intersecting lines. #& LXC who grew up with and lived the same path as LWJ - who even is said to resemble him visually - his parallel line - shuts himself away #Despite all the love LWJ has for his brother I don't think he ever manages to reach him.

[fruitface]

the lesbiversal experience of gay panic when the girl you like makes eye contact with you

#bottoms spoiler #bottoms 2023 #bottoms movie #josie x isabel #ayo edebiri #havana rose liu #wlwgif #wlwedit #filmedit #filmgifs #movieedit #moviegifs #lgbtqedit #lgbtq #* #havent seen this movie yet but im already obsessed w them #yes movies that define the gay experience #crying laughing bc this is me #cant believe i have to wait in line for this to be released in prime

[gomzdrawfr]

it's hard loving yourself

#i can't keep lying to myself #how do you love something that is so unlovable #i'm poison. i come from poison. i have poison inside me and i destroy everything i touch. that's my legacy. #i pour alcohol into the gaping hole inside my chest. it does not heal. not today. maybe tomorrow. maybe it wont heal ever #smoke fills my chest . empty it can be #yet so full of your absence #im nothing but an empty husk of what I once was #and a big part of me was already forcefully ripped away from me when you left #hello hi im back with ghoap angst #can you believe its been a whole week since i drew them #anyways #gummmyart #doodle #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #angst #implied mcd

[zaacoy]

Short freenoodles focused comic inspired in part by takakmimi's freenoodles post on twt!!

#I don't think he believes him #Actually married freenoodles is great BUT #The friends > queerplatonic > actually acting like a romantic couple pipeline is so funny #a. They're already both so comfy with each other that neither of them notice or b. They're both heavy in denial and won't bring it up #Sandy has been trying to wingman them together for years and has probably mostly given up by now #Mei never stops discretely taking pictures so she has IMMENSE blackmail and bragging rights the day they actually do get married #Red son is just confused and thinks they're both dumb #Mk probably genuinely hasn't figured it out yet 💀 #Do you see my vision they're great #lmk freenoodles #freenoodleshipping #lmk pigsy #lmk tang #lmk mk #lmk red son #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #Red son is so fun to draw actually I should draw him more often #Still have no idea how to draw MK's hair 💀 #Zaacoy art💫

[egophiliac]

it's been an absolute shitball of a week, so here's something massively self-indulgent to make myself feel better.

#art #twisted wonderland #i probably screwed up the spinning wheel sorry #i tried to research but i don't know it as well as i know knitting #so uhhh artistic license i guess #anyway i do 100% believe that lilia knits but is extremely bad at it #and yet cheerfully insists on giving handmade gifts at every opportunity #and i mean. you can't NOT wear a sweater someone made for you. even if it's...that. #the real debate i had with myself was continental vs english #in the end i think he alternates depending on mood #(why yes i do have needlecraft headcanons for every character i've ever looked at. what about it.)