#I haven't even really done anything yet I have two months but I'm still losing my shit
Note
I’m in my depressed era, so I would love to read about JJ helping her teenage daughter with a restrictive eating disorder <3
I Feel Like I Can't Eat
pairing: jennifer jareau x daughter reader
category: hurt/comfort
warnings: eating disorder
word count: 942
age: 15
summary: you've been struggling with an eating disorder and your mom notices so she helps you
a/n: i am too in my depressive era and am a hoe for hurt/comfort <3
I bit my lip as I stared at the food in front of me. This was the first time I was eating a meal with my mom in two months due to her crazy work schedule and my sports schedule.
"Do you not like it?" My mom asked softly. "I can make you something else." It was a new dish so I knew she would most likely buy the excuse.
"Yeah...sorry mom." She shook her head, signaling not to apologize before kissing my temple and putting my bowl on the kitchen counter for later.
"Y/n?" She asked as she opened the fridge.
"Yeah?"
"Why is the fridge full?"
"Because I went shopping." I said quickly.
"There's no new food in here." I felt my heart beat quickly. She knew. Of course she knew she was a profiler for the fucking BAU and I was her daughter she knew me like the back of her hand. She knew. "What's with the anxious face?"
"Mom..." I trailed off as she walked towards me with a fruit smoothie. "I'm not hungry." I could tell by her face that she wasn't buying it.
"Baby...I need you to talk to me."
"About what?"
"Don't play dumb, ok? I'm sorry that I haven't been here for a while, I'm really sorry about that. I love spending time with you and I love you more than anything. You know that right?" I nodded and leaned forward as she placed a kiss on my forehead. "But just because I've been gone doesn't mean that I haven't noticed things, ok? Now I need you to tell me what's going on so I can help." She reached for my hand and squeezed it in reassurance.
"I just..." I paused for a second, trying to figure out how to get the words out, thankfully she was patient with me. "I don't know...I just feel like I can't..."
"Cant what baby?" I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. She put her hand on my back and rubbed it slowly.
"I feel like I can't eat." It came out as a whisper.
"Can you elaborate on that honey?"
"It's not that I don't like food...I mean I still like food...I think." It took me a few seconds to string together a sentence. "I just...I can't do it. Because it's so bad for me- mom I'm losing weight! I've wanted that for so long, you know that! And I'm finally getting it but after I'm done working out I get hungry but when I look at food I just get..."
"Nauseous? Anxious?" She finished my thoughts for me and I nodded. "So you still want to eat? You just feel like you can't?" I shrugged. "I can't help if you don't tell me everything baby."
"When I stopped eating I saw how much weight I was losing and I...I just stopped. It wasn't even the intentional at first but it really works, it really helps me lose weight but now I'm just...I'm scared to gain any weight back." I explained. "And I know it's bad, I know but whenever I go to take a bite of something it's like every cell in my body is screaming at me to stop and I can't fight past it." I took a shallow breath and clasped my hands together.
"Hey. Deep breaths." She told me softly, rubbing my back again, sighing as she felt how skinny I had gotten. "It's ok baby, just deep breaths, ok?" I leaned against her and hugged her arm.
"Do you want me to call your therapist? Tell her you need to start seeing her again?" I shrugged.
"I don't know if I want to do that yet."
"But don't you think it would be good to have someone to talk to?" She pointed out but I didn't say anything. She got the hint that I really didn't want to go to my therapist again so she just gave my knee a soft squeeze. "Well what can I do to help?" Her voice was unbelievably soft.
"Be here?" I shrugged and my eyes widened as I realized what I said. I knew how guilty she felt for never being here and I didn't want to make her feel bad, I didn't even mean it that way.
"Ok. Done. I'll take a month off, ok?"
"But-"
"Hey, no buts. I just want to make sure you're ok. You're my daughter honey I want to help you in any way I can." I nodded and squeezed her arm tighter. "You can come to me for anything, ok? I want you to know that y/n." I nodded. "Come here." She pulled me into her arms in a tight hug, something I had needed from her for months but was too scared to ask for.
After a few minutes she tried to pull away from the hug but I didn't let her. "I need you." I whispered.
"Ok. I'm not going anywhere." She assured me. "I love you so much y/n." She slowly rocked us back and forth, knowing that it calmed me down. "Starting tomorrow you're gonna eat at least two meals a day, ok?"
"Mom-"
"No protests. You need nutrition to survive honey. I'm not going to be lenient with this, ok? I need you to eat food. You need to eat food." She stroked my hair. "You can always talk to me about anything but I will be a hardass about you eating, ok?" I nodded, that seemed fair. If I had a kid I would do the same thing. "I love you kiddo."
"I love you too mom."
#criminal minds#jennifer jareau#x reader#x daughter reader#jennifer jareau x reader#x daughter!reader
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work over pleasure - kth
in order to have everything, you must first be in a position to lose everything. after divorcing the love of your life, you're already halfway there.
» genre: angst!!!, romance, divorce au, pregnancy.
» word count: 1.8k
work over pleasure - kth
"i'll just send it to you in the mail, don't even think about coming here taehyung or so help me god.” i scold my ex-husband over the phone as he bothers me for the hundredth time this week over something he doesn't need, but insists he does.
it's all just an excuse to come over again. the chance to talk to me in person, to see me, to touch me. i sometimes think he likes to argue for sport, for his own entertainment.
he's plenty aware it's all we do when we see each other yet he's constantly bothering me.
“i'm passing our house on my way to work, why can't i just come get it? you're being ridiculous y/n. can't you stand to face me for a minute?”
i scoff then laugh, “truthfully taehyung? no i can't. and it's my house, not ours. it's in my name and i'm the one paying rent, not you.”
his heavy breathing over the line is all i hear, his telltale sign he's deeply annoyed. “what if i bring your bracelet? can we trade off then?”
the businessman in him shows as he makes a deal he knows i can't refuse. having lapped up my most valuable piece of jewelry ‘by accident’ when he left two months ago.
“fine, just don't be late.”
i can practically see his irritating smirk over the phone, “sure thing baby.”
i simply roll my eyes and end the call, not having the energy to scold him anymore.
i haven't had the energy for anything lately, feeling constantly tired and sore despite doing nothing. i even began getting sick before breakfast every morning, but i had chalked that down to my anxiety over my divorce. a simple coincidence.
a part of me knew the truth deep down, but i couldn't take anymore devastation after dealing with a failed marriage with a man i was still horribly in love with.
taehyung was married to his work, not to me. his loyalty rests in the hands of the company he's so proud of. that's what our divorce was over, and that's what made my situation so much more difficult.
standing alone in what was once my husband and i’s house, with a positive pregnancy test in my hand. everything i was scared of, confirmed with one extra blue line.
i couldn't believe it. i refused to, actually. there was no way. taehyung had made it clear he was too busy to start a family, so we were careful. i knew what was happening to our relationship, i wouldn't have been so stupid.
my heart races as i think of every possible excuse as to why this couldn't possibly be real, until three very loud knocks at my door have my attention pulled elsewhere.
i quickly dry my tears and wash my hands before opening the door to a smug looking taehyung, whose expression falls almost instantly as he sees me.
“why-”
“here's your stuff.” i interrupt him, not wanting an interrogation, or any interaction at all from him. it's his fault after all, why i'm in this mess in the first place.
he takes the box from my hands before digging my bracelet out of his pocket and handing it to me, “here's this, sorry again.”
i nod my head as i take it from his hands. i begin to back away and close the door but he forces it open, “w-wait y/n-”
i scowl at him and whine, “taehyung what do you want from me?”
he grins and steps forward, inviting himself back into his old home, “i smell coffee, and yours is so much better than the stuff we have at work, can you make me a cup please? for old times sake?” he smiles sweetly, knowing i can't turn him down.
i silently step aside, closing the door behind him as he heads straight for the kitchen and i walk slowly behind him.
“love what you've done with the place.” he says to be funny, staring at where our photos used to be, which i replaced with pictures of my dog instead. “you really do love him more than me don't you?”
i scoff, “you love your job more than either of us.”
he gives me a forced grin but doesn't reply. the only noise in the house being the rumbling of the coffee machine as we both eagerly wait for it to finish.
“i'm gonna..” he starts awkwardly, “go to the bathroom.”
i nod, completely zoned out while staring at the coffee.
i grab a cup from the cupboard, pouring it in and dropping in two ice cubes to cool it down. i turn around and place it on the counter he was once leaning against and wait for him to come back.
not a second layer he comes rushing back into the kitchen, looking pale as a ghost. he stares at me, unable to get a single word out.
“what's your problem?” i ask, his expression is almost laughable.
“y-you left something in the bathroom.”
i narrow my eyes at him confusedly, then realizing he may have seen the pregnancy test i had sat on the counter before i opened the door.
“n-no thats not-”
“not yours? you would tell me if you were pregnant right?” he asks while walking towards me. i open my mouth to agree but he interrupts me again, “is it mine? did you already have sex with someone else? i can't believe this.” he runs his hands through his hair as he takes a deep breath in, “what the fuck is happening y/n.”
i stare blankly at the floor. i hadn't gotten this far. i had no idea what i wanted to do about this, i had no idea if i wanted him to be involved at all, i had no idea if he'd even want to be involved.
“i-i just found out.” is all i can safely tell him.
he just sighs, pulling out a chair from the kitchen table but not sitting in it, instead he pulls me over, sitting me down on it before sitting beside me. “it's mine isn't it? i-i mean,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “you didn't hook up with someone this soon right?”
i can't muster up the courage to look him in the eyes. unsure of what exactly i was afraid of, possibly the one thing i've always wanted, a real family of my own, being torn away from me so quickly if he tells me he wants nothing to do with this.
“i-it is.” it comes out as a whisper, my voice betraying me before my emotions do, feeling my tears fall again for reasons unbeknownst to me.
“and you just found out? when?”
i look at him for a split second, his expression unreadable as always, “just before you got here.”
“you haven't even been to the doctors yet?” i shake my head. he rises from his seat, grabbing his coffee and phone that were waiting for him on the counter. i start to think maybe this was it, he was finally leaving.
that is until his hand is out in front of me, asking me to take it. i look up at him and he tilts his head, “let's go.”
i take his hand and let him lead me towards the door, putting on my coat for me, “go where?”
he just chuckles, “to the doctors, i want to make sure my baby is healthy.” his behavior confuses me deeply but i let him continue regardless, helping me slip my shoes on as he pauses before opening the door again, “you included, y/n.”
he takes notice of my deeply muddled expression and stops what he's doing. he grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes, attempting to portray his sincerity before he's even spoke, “you don't have to take me back, but if you're gonna go through with this, i can't let you do it alone. even if all you do is yell at me and call me names the whole time, i'll take it all.” he pauses, and i can tell he's struggling to express himself.
“you don't have to taehyung.” i tell him.
“i love you more than anything y/n, i know you don't believe that, you always tell me i'm married to my work and i admit i put it first before you, and i'm sincerely sorry for making you feel ignored and unloved, but i've been trying to tell you this and prove it to you ever since you told me you wanted a divorce. i did it because i want to be able to spoil you and our children, but i went overboard with it and it costed me the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my entire life, so please, let me make it up to you.”
i stare at him, waiting for him to show any signs of regret or dishonesty but he's confident. he smiles and reaches a hand up to my face to wipe away my tears, “i love you.”
i sniffle and look away, “don't say that now.”
“but i mean it.”
i shake my head, “if i could think rationally right now, i would probably be kicking your balls for putting us in this situation.”
my comment does as it's intended to, making us both laugh aloud and ease the mood. i don't want to be mad anymore. i'm tired of being upset and exhausted all the time. i want my husband back, but not because of this.
“taehyung, i really don't want my child to grow up with parents who can't stand to be around each other, who do nothing but bicker endlessly. that's exactly what i had and i can't bring an innocent child into that environment so all i ask is that you prove you've changed. you stay for me, because you love me and you're sorry.”
"i am! i will, i promise.” he says with no hesitation, stepping closer and leaning down, “c-can i kiss you? please?”
“once.” i tell him, knowing i was way too needy and hormonal to say no to him.
he wastes no time giving me a sweet and short kiss to show his gratitude, pulling away with a stupid smile that makes me laugh.
“if they have your smile we’re in trouble.” i tell him, plenty aware he knows it's my favorite thing about him.
“my cute boxy smile.” he mocks me, “the ladies will be all over him.”
“or her.” i correct, not wanting to call it so soon.
he opens the door and slings an arm around my shoulders, “regardless, i'll love them as much as i love you.”
i eye him, “more, i hope.”
he places a gentle kiss on the top of my head and guides me by my arm as he walks me to the car, “i'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”
* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚
hello and thank you for reading! if u enjoyed i have a masterlist in my description with all of my current works listed and ordered! have a wonderful day <3 - ara :)
masterlist | taglist
#bts#bts fic#bts jungkook#bts v#kpop#kpop imagines#oneshot#bts x reader#bts taehyung#bts tae x reader#taehyung angst#taehyung smut#taehyung fanfic#taehyung x reader#taehyung fluff#taehyung imagine#jungkook imagine#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#bts jimin#jimin fanfic#jimin smut#jimin fluff#jimin angst#bts namjoon#bts yoongi#bts jin#btsgif#bts angst#jjk smut
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vent warning
i think one of the worst parts about losing one (out of two) of my absolute favourite people is that i can't be mad at her. she's done absolutely nothing wrong, and been nothing but incredible to me for the longest time now. but it came time for her to begin taking another path in life, and hopefully it makes her happier then she was before. i'll still see her sometimes, but pretty rarely in comparison to when i used to. i hope she's happier, but i miss her so much and i can't believe that in about 41/2 months i'm going to lose her for good.
i don't have any pictures of her. i don't have any videos, or voice memos. slowly i'm going to start to forget her voice. her eyes. her nose. her hair. the memories with her. and that shit fucking hurts.
i've had way more anxiety in the last few days since i started to lose her. i'm less focused in school. i'm not really hungry. i don't wanna go to work anymore. hell, i barely want to do anything. and i haven't even fully lost her yet. so what the fuck is gonna happen when i do?
i'm so screwed. and i can't even be mad at her about it.
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So, after seeing a post that mentioned how doctors will literally let patients die rather than treat them for other health problems while fat, I remembered I wanted to talk about this.
I have been trying to get top surgery for the past... 5 years? At least? In my area, there's only one doctor who does all the top surgeries for my insurance. For this entire time, I have been told that I must lose weight before I can get this done.
~~Backstory time~~
In late 2016, my bipolar developed psychotic symptoms (auditory hallucinations being the strongest). I was put on aripiprazole and stayed on it until about August of this year.
During the last part of 2016 through 2017, I went from about 135 pounds to 220 within months. Not a single doctor connected it to my new medication. Every one of them said it was my "eating habits" (I have struggled with disordered eating for years, even before this, but especially after) or my lack of activity. During this time, my fibro pain increased tremendously, though we finally did get it controlled. I could not walk without a cane for years. When we went to comic conventions, I had to use travel chairs or wheelchairs because walking for that long would cause severe pain. I couldn't walk from my bedroom down the hall to the living room without my hips seizing up.
But I was fat. So, you know, this was all my fault. 😑
(Note: I'm 5'1". I've always been on the small side of fat, and I recognize this. These are just my personal experiences.)
With a medication, I got most of my fibro pain under control. Between 2021 through now, I ended up at a very physically active job. My weight has been stable for years, but still "too high."
~~End backstory~~
In August, I changed anti-psychotics. Within two weeks, I lost about 4 pounds. This past Wednesday, I went for a weigh-in for my surgery, and I'm down to 198. The nurse congratulated me for this and said she'll let the doctor know so we can set the surgery date. My mom congratulated me for losing weight. My dad even is happy about this (I say "even" because we don't really talk if I can help it.)
The thing is, I have done nothing to lose weight. The only thing that changed is a medication.
I am livid. I am seething.
My mom is angry because not a single doctor listened to me when I said that I was gaining weight too quickly without anything changing. I guess I'm a bit miffed about that, but I'm used to not being listened to by doctors.
What I'm most upset about is the way people, including doctors, have treated me because I'm fat.
I have done so much self work on unlearning anti-fatness. I have advocated for myself, I have tried educating people, I have done my best to be as good to myself as I can, because I know nobody else will.
I am currently the fattest person in my office, and have been for years now. I'm also the only one who doesn't allow diet talk around me. I am exhausted.
I also still struggle with disordered eating all the time. I love food. I think food is a true joy and should be a joy for everyone. Yet, I still feel "guilty" for eating at all. I constantly deny myself food that I need to eat because I haven't "earned" it.
But every doctor thinks I overeat. Every nutritionist tells me to eat half of what little I already eat. Every single person explicitly or implicitly tells me I'm doing something wrong because I'm fat.
I am furious. I am tired of diminishing. I do not want to lose weight, yet I now am.
But everyone else? They're so proud of me.
I'm under 200 pounds, a weight I haven't seen in nearly 10 years.
I'm so tired.
I'm so stressed.
But most of all, I'm angry.
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Violence & blood below weewoo
@obsecure-pluto Here's the chapter 5 snippet I mentioned I wrote some time ago- keep in mind that I wrote this like 5 months ago without proofreading so it can be a bit stinky. There's also a bit of rambling included before the snippet to set up the scene 👍
Also orange text is context I added rn to make it more understandable
Wil shows up to the place of the coords and sees. the last person hoped this alarm was about. few roofs away stands his most despised enemy out of all that he has met in his superhero career
dream/zmora doesn't notice him until hes running and about to punch him in the back of his head, wils just very unhappy forgiv him. wil jumpscares dream and they just fight, dream desperately tries to not hit him, especially not in the spots that were affected by the accident (remember that hes still v guilty about the whole identity thing /this wasn't mentioned in the original post but to treat wil, dream had to unmask him without consent/) while wil just has none of this and on top of just being annoyed by the sole existance of dream, theres this pent up anger about what happened- how could he be so careless and not see that fire coming? /this wasn't mentioned either, wil blew himself up cuz of sapnap's fire that dream redirected/ he could have just taken a step back, moved out of the way,- anything-
and now what? he has to deal with constant pain everytime he moves from those stupid burns- the fact that, that guy can just- tell the entire world about who he really is-
and he lost a part of his hand-
now that he was out and free, he was so frustrated with everything. /as in he left civilian-dream's flat- be wasn't kept there by force tho- the doors were always open, wil was just too injuried to leave yet/
he couldnt even catch a break! the second he was out, he had to go to the stupid meeting, and now fight with an even stupider, full of himself, annoying, awful, green maggot that has wormed its way into his life and infested it with all of its putrid ways of being
with a single strong push dream loses his footing and hits his head on the border of the roof
-----
With a sickening sound and a gasp cut short, his head cracks open staining the grey concrete with blood. Even if it's hard to see it in the dark, lights from the street under them illuminates bright enough to let Wilbur see the shining, dark liquid pooling under Dream's head.
The Hero takes half a step back, the cold night breeze making him shiver.
There's silence.
The furious, hot embers in his chest dimming for a second, only to return twice as red with hate.
Deathly still face frozen in time, hidden behind dark bandages, turns into an ugly grimace splitting it into two wrinkled halves.
He leans over and grabs the collar of the dirty green suit, making his Enemy's head softly lull into his direction.
"You've made my blood boil so many times, for you to just stop doing what you've always done, and die?" He sneered "Was all of this just to f- with me?"
He shook his fists still full of the green cloth, dragging the bleeding body with it. Burning amber eyes were scrunched with frustration as they tried to find any sings of an answer to the spitten out questions.
"Answer me!"
But there was no answer, only a quiet gurgle coming from behind the ever smiling mask.
"You haven't even tried to fight me this time! Did you think that I'm too weak? That I would just surrender without you even doing a single move? That I'm just some poor imitation of a superhero with no powers?" He clenched his teeth and started shaking the man whose coppery tang of blood started to engulf both of them "Do you think that you're better than me?! Do you think that I can't even help myself?! That I need someone to take care of me because I was hurt too badly?!"
The honey eyes lost their brightness as salty tears began pooling in theirs corners. Face no longer wrinkled, he let out a shallow breath.
"Why the hell am I talking to a corpse. It's not like he ever used his voice when alive either.
With shaky hands he let go of the ghostly pale human, and put them under his arms searching for any kind of warmth. Averting his gaze, he shivered once more.
A strong tremor accompanied by choking, violently shook the crimson stained figure. Out of the corner of his eyes, Wilbur saw even more blood coming from under the mask.
He did not do anything to help the surprisingly alive man, only observed with squinted eyes just like a predator waiting for a reason to strike.
As if they were submerged in the sea, desperate gasps to get some air in one's lungs and muffled words filled the space around them. The Hero looked at the drowning man, face scrunched in disgust.
When the uncontrollable shaking and distorted, wailed sentences became too much, he turned around and teared off the smiling mask off of his enemy's face "What now? Suddenly eager to fight for your life? You damned-"
He froze.
There, teary eyed and with a broke nose, was a familiar face. The face of the civilian who took care of him without asking. Who didn't mind how untrustful he was. Who didn't care about wasting bandages on him.
The face of the man who made him want to scream in hatred and cry of frustration without an end in sight.
The face of the human he just watched almost suffocate in his own blood.
With bitter tears trailing down purple cheeks, red teeth and trembling lips the Villain spoke.
"I'm so sorry"
Blood streaming down the pale chin bubbled one last time and the regretful, green eyes rolled back into the blonde's head.
The Hero stood paralyzed.
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I managed to completely forget I posted goals on Tumblr last January (I knew it was on a Discord, where I was pointedly ignoring it since...yeah. well. about that.) but I found it while looking for something else, and I might as well take a glance back.
Goals I set for 2022:
Personal Goals from 2022:
Get My Back Fixed: victory, to the extent that victory was possible. I had back surgery on Feb 7th, and that fixed the primary issue (spinal stenosis caused by a herniated disc). My arthritis still exists and flares every couple months but my doc already told me that's just gonna be the rest of my life. Since that part isn't fixable...well, at least the surgery helped.
Keep Losing Weight: I was up and down throughout the year, and ended up pretty much exactly where I started, at about 180.
Exercise: I maintained a regular stretching/exercise regimen, including a fair amount of walking and even a little jogging, from March through November. I slipped in November, but I started again last week, so...yeah.
Study Chinese: almost 100% success! At least I didn't fall down in every regard, lmao. I study for about 45 minutes every day, across 3 apps. I finished Duolingo's core curriculum and have a streak of over 450 days going atm. I bought a year subscription to DuChinese so I could practice reading and it's really helping my vocabulary. I didn't manage to do much of any translation but eh, I'll take it.
Community Goals from 2022:
Encourage Others to Create: I ran May Trope Mayhem again, and really stepped up the creation/publishing end of my business. I'll take it. I didn't manage to do anything with the kink memes and I've been waffling on just shutting them down tbh.
Keep Up the Destiel Archive: basically a complete fail. Like, the archive still exists and I answer asks and DMs and send people stuff but I've done basically zero upkeep/expansion/work on it.
Duck Prints Press: we managed 3 anthologies (two are technically not published yet but they will be in like a week and a half and all the work was done in 2022 so I'll count it). We didn't manage a novel, but we did publish a novella and like 20 short stories, so I'll call it a win.
Creative Goals from 2022:
Post Every Day: I managed about two weeks, and haven't written anything for myself since June, so yeah, uh. Yeah.
Work on WIP: nope
Make Progress on The Long Road: ...I thought about it on and off, does that count?
Post One Art Piece a Month: I might have technically actually succeeded at this? but not in way I know I intended when I set the goal and honestly, whatever.
Fibercraft: I didn't manage to cosplay anything - we don't really have the money - but I've definitely been doing fibercraft. I did a mess of crocheting last winter (and need to finish those projects now that it's cold again), and I did a lot of cross stitch over the summer and fall, and I'm currently working on a quilted wall hanging, so. Yeah. I'd call this one a success.
So...definitely a mixed bag. My kids ended up needing a lot more of me than I was expecting, especially over the summer and fall when I'd expected things to ease up, so that didn't help. And the business growing is just eating the entire rest of my life. I've definitely semi-intentionally decided to give up on some of the side projects and step back. Like, I don't like that I'm not doing anything on the Destiel archive, but I've basically come to accept it and I don't expect it to change. In my post last year, I wrote "I sacrificed a lot of my personal creative goals to make the business a success and ya know, I'm basically okay with it." And that really resonates, cause I'd absolutely say the same thing is true of this year. The business IS doing well - we earned more money than last year, and from far more diversified sources. I didn't earn enough to take a paycheck...again...but we're also less in the hole for 2022 than we were for 2021, and it really truly feels like things are moving in a good direction and that the work I'm putting in is accomplishing something. 2023 looks bright in that regard.
I'm honestly trying to move away from big declarative ambitious goals. They just make me feel like I've failed. So I haven't put tons of thought into my 2023 beyond "keep doing the things I'm doing that are working, and try to add in a few things that I haven't been succeeding at but would like to. So, with this entire post plus that in mind, my goals for 2023 are...
Personal Goals
Continue Exercising: I slipped on exercise in November and December. It was definitely doing me good before that so I'd like to keep it up. My goals for a while have been 10 to 20 minutes of stretching/Yoga/floor exercises 5 or 6 days a week, and a minimum of 2,000 steps a day every day, and I hit that very consistently until mid-November, so I think I can resume it now that the holidays are over and the kids are heading back to school on Wednesday.
Study Chinese: just. keep it up. I'd really like to work on a translation project this year. I've been eyeing the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua (I own volume one in print), continuing my translation of the 2ha manhua (which is online), and/or poking at the Lie Huo Jiao Chou manhua, which is on the Bilibili app and has been taunting me from my favorited comics for ages. But if I just spend another year like I spent 2022, drilling HSK 1 through 3 until I've got them down pat and continuing the slow vocab expansion through DuChinese, I'll take it. It's getting the job done.
Community Goals
Figure out what to keep up and what to step back from: I really haven't been able to do a good job on everything, and I've put some balls down and can't say I'm terribly interested in picking them back up. I'd like to make more of that official in 2023, so I don't feel like I'm being pulled in as many directions, and so that the changes feel intentional and therefore More Okay instead of semi-accidental and accepted with resignation.
Art Sideblog Goals: I'm pretty behind on maintenance of cnovelartreblogs especially; I'd like to really get that organized, and to finally launch the Discord I've been building on-and-off for almost a year. I'd also like to get my backlog of things to blog under 10k, but honestly that's probably ambitious. I had it down a lot this year, but it's surged up since the twitterpocalypse and the holidays (though I'm still well ahead of where I was at the start of 2022, so that's something).
Duck Prints Press:
have 4 anthologies in the works (we already have two in the works for 2023; I expect those two to publish, and I'd like us to have 2 more in the pipeline even though they likely won't publish until 2024)
publish at least 52 short stories (a minimum of one a week)
publish at least 4 novels (I've got two in progress so I'm pretty optimistic on this one)
$40k+ in gross earnings
take a paycheck (even if it's only for royalties on sales of my own work)
publish one story a month of my own work
Creative Goals
Read 12 Books for Leisure: I set this goal in 2022 and while I technically hit it (Goodreads says I read like 70-something books), I only actually read 11 novel-length books because I wanted to. The rest was either manhua, or stuff I read for the Press. So, I've set my Goodreads goal as 72 works, with the understanding that at least 52 will be those short stories I'll edit, and I'm also considering signing up for a book bingo that a friend participates in on Dreamwidth. I don't think I'll have trouble meeting this goal tbh; even if I just read the Seven Seas danmei pubs, which I absolutely intend to, I'll probably hit it (considering I'm several volumes behind on both MDZS and TGCF...). Even if I don't, I'll be close like last year.
Write Something Each Week: I made a list of prompts for myself and ships I want to write for, and I want to try to write something for each prompt each week (in whatever order). Even if I don't finish a single one of them. Even if I hate it all. I just want to keep going on it. I also want to write one short story suitable for publication each month, probably pwp kink fic. (Week 1 is Hualian/were-creature, and I did work out an idea I don't hate...)
Fibercraft: I started blankets for the kids last winter; I'd like to finish at least one of them. And just. Keep making things. It's good for my brain. Much better than the like 6 weeks I spent this year rotting my brain with Merge Dragons at night. *sweat drop*
Anyway, I wouldn't say any of these are resolutions, since most of it is stuff that's already going on. It's really more "I've got the boat sailing the direction I want, now let's just...keep that up..."
Also, it'd be really nice to not be fucking exhausted all the time. That'd help. Just saying. *weary sigh*
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Here We Go Again | Epilogue
Epilogue | Best Made Plans
Summary: After the events of July, everybody went through changes of plans as they accommodate the new chapter of finally having the upside down completely close. Now as they look to the future, they make that camping trip come true.
Warnings: Mentions of broken families and separation. If these are triggering, please read with CAUTION. Also, there is a LOT OF FLUFF and A LITTLE SPICYYYYY. ;)
Words: 4k
Pairings: Eddie Munson x Reader ; Nancy Wheeler x Jonathan Byers
Author's Note: Hello everyone! THIS IS IT. This is the last part. :) Thank you for everyone who had joined me on this journey. I am grateful to everyone. So as a thank you, I added a little spicy on the end though its not the FULL ON SPICY (I haven't really wrote something. I'm--- just--- shy?) But I hope you guys like.
Again! Thank you everyone. Though if you have thoughts and questions. I'm happy for you to tell through my asks! :D Its open and just send things there or anything at all (no hate please).
This is unedited! I apologize for any errors from the spelling and the grammar. :) ENJOY - J xxxx
Part EIGHT | Prequel | Masterlist
Three Months Later…
You can hear Max and Lucas singing too enthusiastically at Dustin who was near one of the tents they are trying to set up. Teasing him about his song with Suzie at the radio. Dustin just tries to ignore them or on occasion throws a finger at them. The couple just continues as they set up another tent.
You watched them fondly, specifically Max as she was all smiles at the moment. Different from July. After the funeral, it has been hard for Neil, Sarah and Max. They struggled until a few weeks later, Neil left. Max and her mom had to move and they found themselves in the same trailer park with Eddie.
You were there all throughout. Sarah thanking you for helping them and supporting Max. Max at the same time, tried to close herself off. She didn’t want to talk about Billy but one night, when you told her that you would be staying at Eddie’s just in case she needs you. She came knocking at 3 am in the morning and cried her heart out.
You just listened. Apparently, Billy had improved since the incident between the two of you. Max said that you were the one who was able to get through Billy’s head. He tried to prove himself. He tried to be good but the Mind Flayer got him. All you can feel is regret and you just hope that you could have done more. You should have observed him more. After all, he kept coming to you yet you didn’t do anything.
Instead, you became Max’s confidante more than Lucas. Who she tried to push away for a while. It was Eddie who talked to her about that which made Eddie her other confidante when it comes to Lucas. You were fine by that. After all, you aren’t exactly good with feelings.
Slowly, Max came back to herself or as much as she could until she learned El will be moving. She was sad for a while but you assured her that she would be fine. She still has the others.
You can’t help but look over at El.
She, Mike and Will are doing their best to set up another one. Though something was a bit off at El. Her movements are timid and slow. You even caught her staring hard at something at one of the tent pieces before she huffed and reached down for it instead.
She lost her powers. Everybody knew that. After the events, Dr. Owens assessed Eleven’s state and came to a conclusion that she lost her powers. Eleven took it hard. After losing her home, Hopper and now her powers. She fears she has nothing left.
Joyce, bless her soul, decided to take her into her family after the funeral held for the people who died Though the catch, they had to move to California. Far away from Hawkins, so that the Mind Flayer would not attempt to go out the third time around. Owens made sure that the lab was sealed off and everything was shut. There is no way now to reopen it.
The decision for the Byers together with Eleven hit the group with sadness. It was crying galore as the decision was made for the safety of everyone involved.
That is where Eddie sprung up the idea of this camping trip. A farewell of some sorts for the Byers and El. They all agreed.
Now here they are, trying to make the most of what's left of summer before fall comes.
“Hey Sweetheart,” An arm wrapped around your waist from behind. You jumped a bit, still a little sensitive since July but you ease back against the familiar chest. You leaned your head to the side, baring your neck to Eddie who swiftly swooped down to kiss it. Before he hooked his chin over your shoulder to watch everybody setting up the camp.
“Have you brought the booze for the adults later?” You asked and you felt Eddie nod.
“Yup, also bought the things we need for S’mores,” He mentioned and you gasped to look at him with wide eyes. Excitement filling them.
“You bought the big marshmallow ones?” You asked as you turned around in his arms and threw yours around his shoulder. You stood at your tiptoes as Eddie met you halfway.
“Extra large,” he mused before he crashed his lips against yours. You giggle through the kiss as he continues to describe the mallows he had bought in detail.
“It also has less sugar. The kids would not be running around later tonight,”
“They better be, we need adult time,” You said not thinking of your words but Eddie who caught raised his brows at that.
“Adult time huh? Are we moving to that stage already, Spitfire?” He teased and when it finally clicked to you. You gasp and hit your shoulder softly making him laugh.
“We have kids around Eds,” You told him and Eddie just looked at you shocked.
“So, if the kids aren’t around—”
“Stop being a perv,” you moaned out as you fought the smile that was threatening to come out. You were trying to be stern but seeing Eddie’s mischievous eyes and playful smirk always get to you.
“You love me,” He just said with a shrug and you sobered a bit as you reached up to hold his face. You placed another kiss on his lips, soft and slow before you pulled away. Leaving him a bit dazed as you ran your tongue against your lips tasting him.
“Yeah I do,” Eddie can’t help but laugh as he leaned again to kiss you more. The two of you lost in your own world until you heard a groan.
“Oh come on! I just turned around for five minutes and you guys are making out?!” You and Eddie broke apart to see Steve standing there with a hand on his hip. A towel hangs on his shoulder with a stern look on his face.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” You teased and he just rolled his eyes at you as he brought the bags he was holding on the other hand to the table near the two of you two.
“Can you both please keep your hands off each other for a minute and help me set up. We have a camping to do,”
After everybody went to work, it was already dark out when the group settled around a campfire that Jonathan and Nancy had set up. You all just finished dinner and are currently utilizing the fire to make S’mores. Dustin and Will are off the side, declaring that they will be making epic S’mores. Lucas and Max are cuddled up while they roast some while Mike and El fumble their way through the making of it.
Nancy and Jonathan opted out of it as they took a six pack, choosing to have an alone time. While you are tempted to do that, you know the couple needs that after all Jonathan will be moving to California.
Robin and Steve are conversing. Apparently, the two went job hunting and they were hired by Family Video. Thanks to Robin’s quick thinking. You are sitting on a big lounging chair that Eddie bought so that he could have you seated on his lap with your back against his chest.
It was filled with chatter until suddenly Dustin stood up clearing his throat. He caught everyone’s attention as they all stopped doing what they were doing.
“Thank you,” Dustin said as he noticed all eyes were on him. “I know we are here guys to celebrate and also make the most of our time with each other,” Dustin trailed off looking at Will and then at Eleven.
“I just want to say that even though we lost some, I’m happy that all of us are safe and it's over,” Dustin mumbled as he looked down at his feet while he fiddled with his hands. “And even if our group was only brought upon by the upside down. It won’t end here,” Dustin declared.
“He’s right,” Mike spoke up as they looked back at him. “And even if Will and El would be leaving, we are all going to remain friends,”
“That’s what friends are for right?” Max chimed in as everyone agreed.
“Woah, us included?” Steve suddenly spoke up as they looked at him.
“Yeah, despite you guys being old,” A lot of protest came from the four of you while Dustin snickered. “You guys made sure we were safe and risked your lives for us.”
“And for that we thank you,” El muttered as she looked at everyone until her eyes landed on you.
You smiled as you leaned against and snuggled on Eddie’s chest. “You guys are always welcome at the house,” You offered.
“Hey! That’s my house too,” Steve protested. “Besides these kids would just run amok there,”
You just narrowed your eyes at him. “Don’t pretend you hate them Mom,” The group laughed at Steve’s affronted face.
“Let’s toast then,” Robin suddenly stood up holding her S’mores. “To friendship,”
Everybody scrambled to their feet as they picked up their own S’mores and smiled. “To friendship!”
Later that evening, as the kids settled down. Eddie went for a smoke while Robin herded the kids. You and Steve were left to clean.
You were busy collecting cans when you heard Steve calling your name. You look up to see him staring at you.
“What?” You asked you as you continue your tasks though you are still listening to him.
“We haven’t really talked about what you did with the kids. They told me what happened to the Cabin,” He muttered.
Right, Steve has been trying to talk to you about that night and you avoided him because you have nothing to say really. You were doing it because you wanted everyone safe. You wanted to do something for them.
“You would have done the same,” You just muttered trying to dismiss the topic. You finished up your task as you looked up at Steve who was shaking his head.
“Yes, but hearing their stories. You didn’t have to do all those things okay? You were helping enough,” Steve reasoned as you just looked away from him. “You could have hold on for a second more,”
“Steve—”
“Listen to me,” His sharp tone made you look at him as his face turned serious. He dropped whatever he was holding to walk to you.
“I don’t want this bullshit of you playing a hero. Especially when I’m not there. Do you know how helpless I feel wishing I was there instead of going through a Russian base camp? It's exactly what I felt about Utah,” Steve started as he looked at you. Tears springing in his eyes. “I nearly lost you at UTAH, where I could have done something. I don’t want to have to go through the regret of not being with you this time. I don’t want to hear the story of me nearly losing you. I want to be there to stop it from even being a story. You are my family. Hell, the only family that is there for me for once and not off to some business trip.”
You stared at him. You didn’t know that. You and Steve never really delved on what he felt.
“You can’t protect me from everything—”
“Then I will protect you on what I can protect you from,” Steve cut you off. “So, the next thing like this happens. You stick by my side or follow Eddie’s lead,”
“Eddie’s lead?”
“Yes, because he might not have been a hero type of man but for you he is and I like that his first instinct is to run and most of the time. I recommend that,”
You can’t help but laugh at the sudden show of trust to Eddie. All throughout the relationship, he and Eddie are kind of in the middle line of being friends and being a pain in the ass for each other.
“Promise me this time, give me your word. No playing hero. You run, you run. You got it?”
You stared at Steve for a while before you nodded. “I got it,”
“Good, now C’mere,” He opened his arms and you quickly walked into it hugging him to you. The both of you stayed like that until someone cleared their throat.
You both turned to see Jonathan and Nancy are back. Standing there timidly.
“Umm, we are here to help clean,” Nancy said. Steve let you go as he looked everywhere but them.
“Sure,” you said to her and gave her a smile.
“I’ll go check on Robin,” Steve said and offered them a smile before he turned to you. He gave ‘yikes’ face before he wandered off calling for his friend.
Jonathan picked up on Steve’s task while Nancy walked towards you.
“You okay?” You asked quietly as you glanced at Jonathan who walked away a bit before looking back at Nancy.
“Yeah, we talked.” She mumbled to you as she started to clean up the food you guys had consumed. You do that same as you picked up the bag where the cans were.
“And?” You trailed off as you glanced at her.
“We will be okay,” Nancy smiled as she looked back at Jonathan. “I love him but his family needs him now more than ever,”
You nodded and reached out to pat her back. “You’ll be fine,”
“Thanks,” with that the two of you went back to work. A couple more minutes and you all finished cleaning. Eddie had helped at the last few. Robin hand wandered off to the tent where El and Max were. She will be bunking with them while Steve will be bunking with Dustin.
Jonathan and Nancy have a tent a little away from the kids. You on the other hand trusted Eddie to set it up.
“Where is our tent?” You asked as Eddie took your hand and guided you to the same path towards where the van is parked.
“Ummm, I kind of left our tent intentionally at my trailer—”
“Eddie!” You started as the scolding is by the tip of your tongue. For the love that is holy and high, how are the two of you going to– “Oh,” you stopped short as Eddie hastily walked over as the Van came into view then opened the back of it without any preamble.
His arms opened wide with a gesture of a silent “ta-da!” as he looked over at you. His smile is sheepish but his eyes tell otherwise.
“I made the Van as our tent,” he explained as you stared at it. It was far from the previous set up. It looked like those vans that are converted into a house. It has deck with a bed on it that probably fit the two of you. It has the fairy lights still and the familiar carpet that you sit with him when you are both hang out at the lover's lake. There are book shelves and counters. Then a fan can be seen inside. It was completely different.
He told you it was faulty but he apparently had other plans. For the past week, he had been hitching a ride with you on your motorbike. Claiming that the Van is being fixed by Jaeger since he was back in town almost two months ago. You didn’t think any of it. It was a moving deathtrap and with a reckless driver like Eddie, it's bound to malfunction from time to time. At least Jaeger would have told Eddie if it was still deemed to be driven.
You actually came in at the campsite riding along Steve and Robin. So, it was the first time you saw the Van again.
“Are these the repairs you are telling me about?” You asked as you pieced together everything and Eddie nodded as he looked inside with a grin.
“Yes, I had Jaeger's help with lighting and all but I converted it into a camping van. You know? When we go on trips– and oh!” Eddie suddenly said as he took your hand and dragged you to the side of the Van. A metal railing was clipped on the side. You stared at it confused.
“What is it?”
“A motorbike railing. You know, so that we can still have the motorbike with us when we do trips,”
You blinked at Eddie before you turned your head back to the railing and the van. Trips? What does he mean—
Eddie must have seen your confusion and decided to speak up again.
“Ugh, right, I forgot to fucking ask you— so stupid Eddie—” Eddie cleared his throat as he looked at you. “Would you like maybe, go on a trip with me? You know like drive from several town and just sight see,”
You stared at him a bit overwhelmed. He made plans on a road trip for just the two of you? But–
“Your school, you have school Eddie. You still need—”
“I know! This is not yet finished. I still need to add some features to make it livable but,” he trailed off as he looked everywhere but you. “I was hoping this is a motivation for me– to you know, graduate. Have something to look forward to,” He mumbled.
You swallowed as you took a step forward to him. Your eyes now trained to him and not the van.
“You want to go on road trip with me?” You asked again and Eddie nodded.
“Of course sweetheart. No one else, just you.” Eddie said as he looked back at you hopeful. You bit your lip.
Trying to go through the emotions you are feeling right now.
Elation, because you have been hoping for something. Anything, really. To make you finally decide what you wanted to do in the future. Taking a gap year, you thought it would be wise to just get a job and all but you knew deep down it wouldn’t help you decide. You haven’t explored any options really. Now Eddie is giving you an option. To explore with him.
Hope, that when the school year comes, Eddie will graduate. You think this is the best motivation he could have. You two can take a break for a moment before you both jump in the reality of being fully adults.
Lastly, Love. You knew you are so fucking in love with Eddie Munson because for your whole life nobody really cared to add you to their plans (Except Steve, he’s the best cousin you can ask for). Hearing Eddie having— making plans that you are included makes you love him more. Finally, you belong — with him.
“Okay,” you quietly responded. Just like on the night he first said he loves you. When Eddie heard that he perked up, the cloud in his eyes cleared up and he now looks at you with a smile on his face.
“Okay?” Eddie asked again and you nodded. He let out a whoop before he ran to you to lift you in his arms. You squealed as you wrapped your arms around his shoulder and your legs around his waist as he twirled you around.
After that, he started to pepper your face with kisses. From you cheeks to your eyelids, to your brows and everywhere except your lips making you giggle.
“Eddie!” You squealed but instead of stopping he dived in and kissed you on the lips. You still for a moment before you melted in his arms as the two of you kissed. You don’t know how long the two of you did just that. You up in his arms as both of your lips moved softly. Savoring each other in the last week of summer.
Though as the kiss progressed, Eddie moved blindly until he set you over the made up bed at the back of the van. Once his hands were free, he had one cupped cheek while the other pulled you flushed against his body. Not leaving any space behind as he stood between your legs.
You can’t help but feel your body go hot as he did that. Your arms tightened around his shoulders as your hand went through his curls. Scratching his scalp that elicited a groan from Eddie. You heard him inhale sharply through his nose and pulled away abruptly. Making you chase his lips but he didn’t make you wait as he tilted his head and he guided yours the way he wanted to plunge back in.
His kiss became heavier and harder making you groan in return. Then you felt his tongue on the bottom of your lip asking for entrance. Your grip on his hair tightened before you opened your mouth.
This time, Eddie moaned as your shy tongue met his. Your lips danced with each other until you can’t help but squeeze your thighs and heat started to pool between them. That made Eddie groan and bucked his hips accidentally brushing something hard against your stomach. That made you gasp and froze for a bit.
When Eddie felt that, the kiss ended abruptly as he pulled away. A trail of saliva connected both of your lips as you stared at him wide-eyed. The two of you are breathing hard.
“Shit!” Eddie exclaimed as he started to pull away. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I got carried—”
“Eddie,” You quietly breathed out as your thighs tightened around his hips and pulled him to you. This time the unmistakable bulge on his pants met your core as you guide him to lean his forehead against you. Eddie involuntarily bucked his hips making you moan.
“Baby what are you doing?”
“I-I just,” you stuttered out. The two of you have not been in this kind of position. Every time the make out sessions get a bit heated. It's usually Eddie who stops this just like now and you always let him but this time. This time, you don’t want it to stop. You want it with him.
You planned to do it with him anyway but you thought you would never be ready. Until the events of July happened and you knew that you cannot make the two of you wait that long. Besides if he is making plans for next year, he is in it for a long run and so are you.
“I love you,” you blurted out and you felt him relax a bit in your arms as he caressed your face. You leaned against his palm. Your bodies still flushed together and your foreheads kissing. “You making plans with me in them. It made me realize that I love you so damn much and I want to do everything. Everything with you.”
“Oh baby,” Eddie mumbled as he leaned down to lay a soft kiss against your lips. The both of you softly kissed for a while before you pulled away.
“And I want this—”You grinded your heated core against the bulge on his pants making him groan. “With you Eddie,”
You saw Eddie swallowed as he closed his eyes as if trying to regulate his thoughts but you didn’t want him to think anymore. You want it now.
“A-are you sure baby? B-because this might be in the moment—”
“I’m sure,” you cut him off as you make him look at you. “I’m sure Eddie, make love to me please?”
Eddie shakily breathed out as he looked down at you. His eyes shining with love as he smiled.
“I love you,” is all he said and as you said those words back. He dived in determined to make this the best night of your life.
That night, Eddie made love to you for the first time. He was so careful, asking questions and making sure you are not having panic attacks.
You didn’t because you knew you were in the arms of the person who wouldn’t hurt and your mind solely focused on the fact that for the next few days. You, him and everyone else are safe.
You pray to God or to whoever it is high above. That you will remain that way for a long long time.
The End…
#eddie munson#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#stranger things#stranger things 4#ilovemyrockstar#steve harrington#billy hargrove#SOHON Sequel#alltheficsiwant writes#joseph quinn
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We Fell in Love in October, chapter 3 - October 3rd: Lunch Dates
For @dungeons-are-too-cold specifically because I told them that they would lose their minds over this chapter and also @gaelic-symphony bc she is my beta reader
Summary: Each of our main pairings goes on a lunch date, ft. a brief appearance by Willifer and Misty
Chapter word count: 1906
Total word count: 4844
Can also be read here on Ao3
Emily nearly jumped out of her skin when someone came up behind her at her locker and wrapped their arms around her waist.
"Relax, relax," Tara chuckled. "It's just me."
"Oh, okay," Emily said as she tried to return her breathing to normal. "Hey, you! What's up?"
"Well, I was thinking, it's our third day of being girlfriends and we haven't even gone on a date yet. Can I take you to lunch?"
"You most definitely can. Beats the peanut butter and jam sandwich I brought for myself."
"I am concerned for your eating habits when your mother is out of town."
"I can't cook, Tara!"
"Exactly! I'll have to give you some lessons."
"Or… you can just cook for me."
"I may be your girlfriend right now, but I am not your housewife!"
"Shame. You'd look so pretty in one of those fifties housewife dresses." Emily trailed her hand along Tara's waist on the comfy knit turtleneck sweater she was currently wearing.
Tara was gay panicking again, but tried to laugh it off. "Yeah, maybe for Halloween. Now come on, I'm taking you out for lunch."
"Cool. Where?"
"The Burgers & Shakes down the street? It's close and affordable."
"Do you just want to split a milkshake with two straws?"
Tara could feel her cheeks warm. "Maybe."
Emily grinned. "Sap. Sounds good. Let's go."
They made their way to the restaurant and were seated quite quickly. "So, what do you recommend?" Emily asked Tara. "Since this was your idea and all."
"The chocolate-strawberry milkshake is to die for. Does that sound good to you?"
"Sounds amazing."
They ordered their milkshake and were served not too long after, since it didn't take long to make. It came in a large metal cup with two straws. "This feels hopelessly rom-com," Emily laughed.
"Says the girl who suggested we date for October so that we weren't both single for unofficial lesbian month."
"Yeah, okay, that's fair."
Halfway through the milkshake, Emily found herself with a massive brain freeze. "Ow ow ow ow ow," she muttered, pressing her fingertips against her temples.
"Did I not tell you to take it slow?" Tara asked her.
"No, no you did not, actually."
"Really? Oh. Well, you should take it slow. You don't want to get a brain freeze."
Emily laughed sarcastically. "Fat load of good that does me now, thanks, Tara. Do you have anything that might actually help me get rid of this brain freeze you are completely at fault for?"
"Press your thumb to the roof of your mouth."
She did, and quickly found that her brain freeze did in fact dissipate. "Wow. That's actually not bad."
"You're welcome," Tara said.
Emily stuck her tongue out at her. "I did not say thank you. I still blame you for the brain freeze in the first place."
They finished their milkshake, and as they were preparing to leave, Emily noticed Tara had some in the corner of her mouth. She picked up her napkin and said, "Here, you have a little something…" she wiped it off Tara's face, and suddenly the tension between the two girls was palpable. Emily once again found herself wanting to kiss Tara, but told herself it was too soon, and she had no idea if Tara was even okay with that.
Tara cleared her throat. "Um. Thank you." And with that, the tension was gone.
"Yeah. Of course. You would have done the same for me." She held out her arm to Tara. "Shall we head back?"
Tara looped her arm through Emily's. "We shall."
***
Spencer was less than startled when a very familiar set of hands covered his eyes and an equally as familiar voice from behind him said, "Guess who?"
"Hmm, I fucking wonder." Spencer turned around and pressed a light kiss to Derek's lips. "Hey."
"Do you know what today is?"
"It happens to be our thirty-eight-month anniversary, but I highly doubt that's what you're talking about."
"Actually, it is. I want to take you out to lunch to celebrate. Does that sound okay to you?"
Surprisingly, Spencer found himself blinking back tears. "Wait, you actually remembered? You're not just making that up?"
"No, seriously, look." Derek pulled out his phone and showed Spencer his calendar where that date had a reminder that said, 3 years and 2 months with my Pretty Boy! "I know we don't always do something on our monthly anniversary now that we have yearly anniversaries… but I thought maybe we could start?"
Spencer was really fighting back tears now. "I love you so much."
Derek wrapped his arms around Spencer and kissed him gently. "I love you too. So are we going out for lunch or what? Because I want to eat pizza with my boyfriend."
Spencer laughed through the happy tears that had begun to fall. "Yeah. I want that too."
Hand in hand, the two boys made their way to a pizza shop just behind their school. They swung their arms between them, and it just felt so terribly cliché. They loved it. They got a small pizza and shared it, feeding each other bites from their own slices even though it was the same pizza.
"I like the idea of still doing something for our monthly anniversaries," Spencer told Derek as they were heading back. "Even though we have annual anniversaries now, these should still be just as important, you know?"
"Yeah," Derek said, smiling and this boy that he loved so much. "I know."
***
JJ and her boyfriend, Will Lamontagne, accosted Matt and his girlfriend Kristy in the hall. "The four of us are going on a lunch double date," JJ told them. "Now. No cafeteria."
Kristy and Matt looked stunned. "Um, okay," Matt said. "Can we ask why?"
"Emily texted me saying she and Tara weren't going to be at lunch because they were going out. Spence also texted that he and Derek weren't going to be at lunch because they're going out. So if the four of us leave, who do we leave behind all alone?"
It hit the other couple at the exact same moment. "Luke and Penelope."
"Exactly! So if we get them to spend lunch alone together, then maybe they'll actually start to take steps towards becoming the more than friends they are clearly meant to be!"
"Sounds good," Kristy said. "Let's go."
***
When Luke arrived at their normal meetup spot, only Penelope was there.
"Hey," he said. "Where's everyone else?"
"Well, it appears all of our friends have decided that October third is the best day of all days to go on lunch dates. So they are all gone."
“So it’s just you and me then?” He knew she was probably less than thrilled at the prospect, so he tried to keep some of the excitement out of his voice.
"Well, I mean, I was just going to go to the new coffee house that opened down the street. It's vegan, and no one else has wanted to try it with me, so this is as good an opportunity as any."
"Do you mind if I join you?"
Penelope raised her brows at him. "You did hear the part where I said it was vegan, right?"
"Yeah, I don't care. It sounds nice. Besides, I've hung out with pretty much everyone in our group one-on-one except for you. It could be fun."
"As long as you don't judge my eating habits."
Luke laughed at that, but the look in her eyes told him she was dead serious. "Wait, you don't think I would actually ever do that, do you?"
She shrugged and didn't look him in the eyes.
"Come on, I knew you weren't my biggest fan, but do you really think I'm that much of a douchebag?"
She shrugged again. "I don't know. Not anymore. I kinda thought you were, back when you were new, you just gave off those vibes, I guess. I mean, come on, some new army brat macho football player? What was I supposed to think?"
"Well you know me now," he pointed out. "Surely you know I'm not like that. And I mean, come on, would Tara call me one of her best friends if I was a terrible guy? Would she even associate with me? You know lesbians are famously picky about the men they interact with."
Penelope giggled. "Yeah, I guess that's true." Her smile then fell a bit. "I'm sorry, Luke."
"Don't worry about it. So are you going to allow me to accompany you to your fancy coffee house, or are you going to leave me here all on my lonesome?"
She giggled again. "Yeah, sure, let's go."
He bowed and swept his arms in front of him in a grand gesture. "Lead the way, Chica."
The atmosphere of the coffee shop was amazing. It smelled heavenly and had a dark wood interior, with pieces of art all over the walls and dim lightbulbs hanging over the tables. Unfortunately, all this also made it feel like a prime date location.
"You're going to have to tell me what to get," Luke told her. "I've never eaten anything vegetarian or vegan before."
"Okay, well any coffee you get is going to be the same as normal, just with dairy-free milk, and they have paninis and baked goods if you want to get something to eat."
"Wait, Caprese," Luke said, pointing at one of the paninis. "Doesn't that have mozzarella cheese?"
"Well normally yes, but in this case they would have made fake cheese with tofu."
"Wait a second, you can make fake cheese from tofu?"
"Mhmm! You can make a lot out of tofu!"
"And does it taste like the real deal?"
"Why don't you try it and find out?"
Luke did end up getting that panini, and Penelope got a mushroom one. They each also got a cookie–chocolate chip for him, peanut butter for her–and an iced coffee.
"Queen culture is getting iced coffee at any time of the year," Penelope said.
"Truly," Luke agreed, laughing as he tapped his cup against hers.
They ate their lunch, laughing and chatting about everything and nothing. By the end of the lunch break, some of the tension between the two seemed to have dissolved.
"Hey, I had fun today," he told her, bumping her shoulder with his. "Seriously."
She smiled softly. "Me too." Then, with a smirk, she added, "Just don't think this means I'm going to be nice to you."
He laughed, holding the door open for her to leave ahead of him. "Of course."
They parted ways once they reached the school, each of them headed to their respective lockers.
JJ sidled up to Penelope at hers. “So… how was lunch with Luke?”
“It was fine, I guess. Why—” she whipped her head around to glare at JJ. “Did you set that up on purpose?”
“No,” JJ lied.
Penelope fixed her with a look.
“Well, not entirely! But when I heard Tara and Em and Spence and Derek were going out already… I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get you and ‘Cool Hand Luke’ to spend some time together.
Penelope buried her face in her hands. “I can’t believe I actually called him that around you. I hate you, you know that?”
“Mhmm,” JJ said, wrapping her arm around the shorter girl’s shoulder and giving her a friendly kiss on the head. “Sure you do.”
#Temily fanfiction#Temily High School AU#We Fell in Love in October#Temily#Tara Lewis#Emily Prentiss#Moreid#Derek Morgan#Spencer Reid#Garvez#Penelope Garcia#Luke Alvez#Willifer#Jennifer Jareau#Will Lamontagne#Misty#Matt Simmons#Kristy Simmons#Criminal Minds
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Pacing Your Work, Pacing Yourself
Hi again!
It should come as no surprise that my updates are based on the things I'm thinking about at the moment and, often, what I'm going through. Something I still struggle with a lot--despite helping other people manage it for themselves 5 days a week--is pacing.
I tend to be a burst writer. When I get into the right headspace, I write constantly. Last week, I knocked out four scripts of different lengths--one's probably going to see the light of day in 2023 and the others... who know? Since then, I've got I think 2 half-written WIPs (that I plan on getting back to this week) and the early brewings of something else.
It feels really good to be so productive, even if the majority of it never does end up going anywhere. I had been having a real dry spell and now I feel out of my funk. I know it won't last, though. Burst writing for me is having alternating off-and-on periods where, times like now, I knock a ton of stuff out, and then probably in about a month, towards the end of this year/beginning of 2023, writing much of anything at all will feel like a major struggle. It'll be half-chore, half-insurmountable barrier that I have to overcome. Time will pass and I'll get back into writing and have another burst and another bust and so on and so forth.
But knowing this about myself and paying a lot of attention to what has been working for me, I've actually maybe found a solution to my personal pacing issues in how I pace themselves.
Your Story is as Long as it Needs to be
One of the absolute hardest things to know before you start is how long your story is supposed to be. Granted, you're rarely starting totally blind. If, for example, you've been asked to pitch a comic to a company, they're usually giving you an idea of your limitations up front, be it page count, issue count, or a combination of the two. There're exceptions--particularly when you're coming in with an original project rather than being asked to pitch on an existing title--but if you aren't told a length up-front, that's a discussion that'll happen quickly.
When you are asked to put a story together, you're outlining to that length. I find a lot of the best pitches I read pace to about a 1-2 paragraphs per issue for the overall synopsis and then between like 25 sentences and/or 5 paragraphs per issue breakdown. With the high level overall synopsis, keeping your explanations short focuses you on the major incidents that forward the plot beats. Using my own work as an example--the big beats for Wreckers: Tread & Circuits issue #1 were the Wreckers are broadcasting a stunt that gets interrupted by Mayhem and the Wreckers go to Velocitron to investigate. The next step, the issue breakdown, comes out to be about 1-2 sentences describing the overall action of each page and is something I often use when going to full script to create a basic pacing.
And while those are hugely important skills to have when you're working for someone else, when you're doing work for yourself, what I've discovered is it can be a lot easier to not go in and impose a limitation on yourself for the story. To let it flow as it will and breathe and you'll know when it's done. I said earlier I wrote four scripts last week. The longest was 18 pages, I think, and the shortest was 1 page. Both are a full script, but with very different demands. What I haven't really done yet is go back and edit any of them. I think there might be a 20 page version of the 18 page one where I let a couple things breathe more. Or maybe it goes the other way and has a couple extraneous pages that I can cut. But by writing it out to what felt like the proper length in the first place, I have room to expand or contract to make it best version of the story possible, while not losing the story in trying to make it fit a certain page count.
Why was the story 18 pages? It's part of an exercise I was trying to purely write an incident as a story. That is to say--it's a weird little one-shot with characters who've never been seen before and who'll never be seen again and it's only covering the information needed for this moment in their lives. One of the reasons that's helpful to me is by getting rid of the need for lore or a balance between a current incident and the set-up for the next (A/B/C plots), it focuses my writing and helps me get words on paper (or, rather, screen). And I do think there's something to covering the main incident first and then building up around it when you are writing with those other things in mind, because they are inherently meant to be secondary. It also lets me play with the pacing of the specific incident. How much action has to happen on a page? Letting a gag play out for as long as it needs to. Figuring out what the defining sub-incidents are and making sure those are hitting the page turns. Even looking at things like spaces where as a writer, I don't want to define the exact breakdown that much because I think a page will benefit from the artist taking the lead.
It's Going to be Different for Everyone
Building off of that last point, I have a lot of experience with comics where for whatever reason, the artist is working at a different pace than the writer. Not just the ability to hit deadlines and how much work is being done at a time, though that's certainly true too, but the way in which an artist in drawing out a page might take their own liberties to adjust the pacing and flow of the action. Maybe they add an extra panel or two of fighting because it looks cool and they had a good idea. Maybe something slow and wordy is taking too long and it works better to info dump in a single panel, rather than breaking it up into two or three panels. These tend to be totally reasonable choices and part of working collaboratively.
By the same token, audiences have different opinions of pacing. Some people are going to be a fan of your pacing. Some aren't. But that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong unless you aren't telling the story you're aiming to tell. I'll leave it at that for now, but I know as well as anyone else that certain people have very certain tastes for the length and format of their comics.
Pacing Yourself
Would you believe that when you're enjoying your work, you're more productive and it's easier? Yeah. Crazy, right? But it's true.
I said earlier I'm a burst writer. I knock out a bunch of stuff quickly and then kinda burn out for a bit before I can get back to it. Obviously, there are motivations that can help you get across the finishline--payment, external deadlines, people like me emailing you every day asking for updates--but when you're working without those, you have to pace yourself. I hope I'm not going to hit my bust soon. I hope I can take rethinking my personal pacing into consideration when I'm working on original projects because that seems to be more engaging for me than forcing my way through to a goal. And I hope some of this might be helpful to you too when you're figuring out what pace you can work at.
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My mental health, more so my temper, hasn't been good lately, so i haven't been talking to anyone for a few days. I thought I'd test out on a new person as it's less impactful if it goes poorly, i dunno if it's cause they're an insufferable idiot or if my temper just isn't great but god they has pissed me off
There's just so many annoying things about talking to him, but the two that have annpyed me the most:
1. He said he could play piano, i said i was jealous, he said i could if i practiced enough, i said no because my brain can't make my hands do separate things at the same time, he said if i practiced i could, i insisted that no, i really can't do that, he said i can type with two hands on a keyboard, i said no i type with 1 finger on a phone, he finally gave in a bit but still insisted i could if i practiced. But this has happened with a few things, he seems to think he is the bog standard basis for humanity, and whatever he can do, anyone else can do, and whatever he feels, anyone else feels?
2. He also has unbelievably shit reading skills. So many times i have said something, then he has acted as if i said something else until i repoint out that no, i said that. Like just now, i literally said i need to look at new recipes for new ideas on what to make, he says "Nah I'm not like that, I'm not good at following recipes, i just do whatever i want but i will look at recipes for new ideas" so i said "I literally just said that's what i do, i look at recipes for new ideas". Like another example, i said i didn't realise i was running low on food, he asked how, i said cause i still had dinners so i didn't realise lunch/snack stuff was running low, he called me fancy, i was confused, he then went off about me going out to restaurants all the time? As apparently, literally me saying "I have dinners" somehow meant i said "I go to restaurants all the time"? I dunno how?
Either way, yeahno, still not in a place to talk it seems. Also, i kept letting mum know my phone contract was running out, she kept saying she'd get on it, it's now been 4 days since it ran out and i have heard nothing. And mum won't let me get my own sim, just like she wouldn't let me get a hoover and i lived at my old property for over 2 years, then in this one for a few months before she got one. And just like how she won't let me hire decorators as she insists her and Paul will decorate my flat, and knew i didn't wanna be stuck in an undecorated flat for long, yet here i am, 8 months later with no floor and no walls done or anything. And she has been online multiple times yet is ignoring my messages even though I'm telling her i have therapy, doctors, amd other important appointments all coming up, mostly on Tuesday, which i desperately need a usable phone for, but she won't read my messages, won't let me buy my own sim, so i have no idea when i will next have a usable phone, even though i need one in 3 days time, but i can't get even mildly aggy at mum or she loses it on me and makes me the bad person. Again, getting super fucking frustrated and my temper and patience are shit
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Adult friendship
People say once you reach certain age, it's hard to make a new friend, what more soul-level companionship.
No, it's not acquaintance. It's not that hard to do that. You just need to show lil bit interest in who they are & what they are doing, being kind and polite or even excited to see them, have a lil conversation everytime you unintentionally see them, tease them if you can get that kind of dynamic with them, then there you go: an acquaintance. Colleagues too.
A friend is someone who put intentional effort to keep in touch, to connect, to keep themselves updated about you, although you haven't become vulnerable to each other yet.
I made a friend. Few years younger. I will consider him a friend, though at first I just saw him as a junior. But since months ago when we first knew each other, he's been the one to put effort to stay in touch. And we've been in same classes and programmes many times, so yeah, why dont I upgrade him from a junior to a friend.
This is the kind of random text he will send me out of the blue. At 5 am pulak tu lol so random. Maybe dia takut terlupa mimpi tu kot lol.
I giggled reading this. I felt joy.
I'm not used to making friends with guys. Usually with current existing guy friends, it's really just something that happened naturally & I'm never the one who put effort to keep in touch. If I do, it's after years of friendship and I'm sure we both don't see each other beyond that, only then I'm comfortable to act like a friend like with my girls.
And I'm not used to have a guy friend putting effort into our friendship intentionally. So I really hope it's nothing beyond that bcs I appreciate this.
I smiled reading this. So mushy this boy. You will make a good partner, yknow.
He is the eldest and have two younger siblings. His dad had passed away last year, if I'm not mistaken, or a bit earlier than that.
I want to believe that he's actually got it so hard. And I want to believe that he's being kind to people bcs he himself needs the same kindness & support. Losing a dad, being the eldest and a guy; I can only imagine the burden of feeling responsible as the first man of the family now that his dad is gone.
I dont know anything about his mother. I just overheard about his dad and siblings when he was talking to other people. I never talk to him directly about it myself.
The best I can do for him, I think, is just to recognize and acknowledge his kind acts and words on me and thank him everytime.
I'm still putting up boundaries and dont do much for him, since I dont want it to be something else like last time;
when I thought I had a guy bestie in someone & turned out he had feeling for me so I had to cut off contact for a while before we could resume to being friends again later.
But I remember feeling so guilty hurting a friend & I had done my best & my kindest to make him understand that he's just a friend. But I dont want to have to hurt anyone again. This kind of hurt is deep, I know.
And from the rumors I think he's a stable and good man.
I smiled ear to ear reading this. I was grieving hardly at this time. And just reading this, the fact that he dreamt about it, I hope it will turn to reality. Cuz if it's in my own dream, I would think it's just my wishful thinking and my deepest desire manifested in my sleep.
Thank you, dear friend.
May Allah ease everything for you for bringing moments of ease and joy into this grieving heart.
And all the ways you wanted to treat me kindly, I pray that you will find the best girl you could do it for, and I will find my own best partner that would do that for me too.
. . . . .
No matter how long of a friendship we have with someone, no matter how we used to have it so chilled because we were just kids with no life issues and life was still enjoyable and fun and nothing pressuring,
Now that we're old, the best way to navigate adult friendships is with utmost respect, kindness and politeness.
We're all having it hard now.
Just be respectful, kind and polite.
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overthinking,money TW: rant:
am i the only one who's scared to ask their parents for money even though they said it's ok to ask them for money. but at one point i just adopted the thing they do when they say they don't have money for stuff...and to the point that i'm here going to have a break down. but then again the friend that i'm compering myself to is kinda rich so it's ok if her allowance is more 1.5k/2k a week and she can just ask her parents for money if she's buying something that's either school related or art related....but then again i'm over here bc i'm just very scared to ask for money bc like- i can starve myself so i can get more money- it's not a big deal to me i've done it many times but then again i don't want to seem like a money grabber if i were to ask them for money bc i wanted to buy things to start up a new hobby like jewelry making like those girls on tiktok but then again if i use any of my money i now have to save up to get to the goal of getting 10k (i forgot to say this is in php) to spend on a wedding that's going to happen in Sydney(it's in two years) but now i worry that i might not buy the stuff that i want to bc i will only have 200 aud(exactly 272.85 Australian Dollar) and that i will have left over money bc i'm scared to use my money. i know it's pointless to try and cry over money bc i normally get 100php as my allowance but then again i commute to go back home and if i calculate how much money i will get each month; 1 week = 500 (but -100 bc we won't start until aug 29 and there's no telling how many more days will there be no school this year except for the many goddamn holidays) 500 x 4 will be 2,000 but my commute is normally 30 php so 30 x 5 = will be 150 each week. and 150 x 4 = 600, and 2,000 - 600 = 1,400 but we don't know about the school expenses, dates in where there's no school and i...sometimes even indulge in eating snacks and then i will lose money......i can ask my parents for money for the school stuff but it just feels weird and they're already working hard and they still have to pay off the house and i'm just so goddamn scared...and now there's the topics in where my friends will ask me if we can hang out...i know my mom gives me money but then again i will have to give her the change of the money so i just literally just try not spend anything when hanging out with my friends. i don't really know what to do, i want to but stuff i like but i still need to save for the wedding for two years and i'm not even sure if i'll like the things they're selling there....like- i will probably buy a few stuff but then get scared bc then i will only have a like money that won't really let me buy stuff...idk i just haven't calculated the amount of money that will be needed- i actually asked my mom if i can just get my hair cuts during the free haircut program my school has to let them save money since i don't want them to spend too much money since they already brought me my mac book..and they still have to pay the house, i mean- we aren't broke, my father has a well-paying job and my mom- has her dental clinic and her teaching work...my father is still working on his lawyering business ...like- by no means, we aren't broke..we just....let's just say during the earlier years of my childhood, my mom was still trying to save up money since i used to do to a private school and now i'm here in a public school, trying to not get kicked out since everyone in the school is on scholarship and during the first year they can remove you from the school if you get an average of below 85% (and this is a science-based school by the way) idk i just think they're doing so much yet i can't do anything that well...i don't like singing even though my mom tells me that i sing pretty good...my drawing isn't as like impressive unlike my friends and even my paintings, they surpass me in it.....like- i don't really have anything talented in me that will take me apart from the crowed except for the fact that my irl last name is normally the last one in the list and- i think that's the only thing that's different about me.
every one i know is better than me in one way or another, some of my friends sometimes point out the reasons why they don't like a specific person but i then noticed that i kind of fit that description and i normally ask- "well- i also do that..." and they just like- say things like "well- your {real name} so it's ok" and i have a feeling that they're just telling that bc they don't want me to be sad or upset but i also know that there's a possibility that some of my friends, classmates, peers. don't like me or even talk behind my back, it was even worse since i had one of my closet friends being revealed that he talks shit about me behind my back....i think i'll end this log in this context....i mean...i'm already crying...i can't just go for comfort to my parents bc they'll try to give me advice but i don't think i want advice...sometimes i just want to feel heard out, so i don't feel like a loser in the far corner without anything to show off or be proud of...i just feel like sometimes i'm not really needed here and i'm just a waste of life since i can't even express myself like my peers do...like they can think that i'm angry but i'm not....anger for me is strong...i remembering lashing out at my classmate since they broke something that's mine....i was in a bad mood that day and i just couldn't take it...i apologized and he did too...our relations ship is currently ok...i don't know of this night of aug 23-24 is just one of those nights where i can't really...those nights in which i feel so useless bc i didn't do anything today and my parents got worried since i all i ate was a single piece of pie and then my mom prepared me a meal so i will eat......so yeah...i just feel so useless and like- a raisin cookie....anyway, thank you to who ever reads this
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First piece for 2023 and last peace for 2022
The most recent year has been a true roller coaster for me. I experienced a variety of emotions, learnt new things, embarked on new adventures, made new friends, and lost few individuals that really matter. It was one of the longest years I've ever had, in my opinion. Every moment seems to last longer than it normally would.
I was in too much misery to be honest about the year 2022. I've lost everything, from an exam to a bond I swore I'd never want to lose. I'm not sure if I'll be able to fill the large hole it left in my heart. I cried excessively, was upset more than usual, and became trapped in a situation I shouldn't have been thinking about in the first place. I've gone through the agony of hiding the feelings I'm having and the agony of witnessing the loss of the individuals I care about. I've been trying to kill myself for months for letting good things slip through my fingers. And if you were to ask me what the most agonizing experience I had was, I would answer without hesitation or attempt to sugarcoat it. Having someone I treat like family refer to me as an "office friend." It's not that I want anything in exchange for how I treated that individual; rather, it's about making me feel as though I matter but in reality, I can easily be taken for granted. I cried myself to sleep and during the day for months. It's like a knife is still in my heart causing the cut to get deeper and deeper each day. In fact, it shattered my self-confidence and caused me to question my value. I was completely destroyed, and I haven't really recovered yet.
The pain those words gave me nearly made me into someone I am not. It nearly made me into the same individuals who had been hurting me for years. I almost went crazy. The worst part is that I despised myself. I hated myself for allowing others to treat me poorly. I despised myself for being too frail and for failing to recognize the truth in other people's deeds. I held myself accountable for the suffering I experienced while caring for and loving others. I gave myself a hard time for being kind to others and letting them treat me like trash. 2022 was a trial for my beliefs. It was my boiling water, determining if I am a coffee bean, a carrot, or an egg.
I was however able to reset my mind and free myself from the cruelty my pain was causing me. I started to understand that I couldn't turn into the people who had harmed me. I can't be the monster under my bed that I keep avoiding and ignoring. Since they caused me the greatest pain this year, I have to be honest and say I cannot detest them. It's not me. I still love and care about that someone despite anything they may have done. And among the nicest things that occurred to me in 2022 was that. I discovered new things about myself, such as the fact that I cannot allow myself to harbor resentment for someone I have begun to love deeply. Let's make it clear, I still genuinely love and care for that person I was talking about and I guess, nothing will ever change that.
Even though 2022 caused me excruciating anguish, it also provided me with many memorable memories. With the people that mean the most to me, I had the opportunity to travel to other places, try new foods and activities, face the second-largest what-if of my life, and eventually persuade myself to enroll in law school. There were many events that took place throughout the year, and it would be impossible to cover them all in this post. However, if I had to pick just one event to remember from the year, it would definitely be the change overall. Change or perhaps the uncertainty it provides is something I've always been terrified of. But for me, 2022 was a year of transformation. After attempting for the previous two years, I finally worked up the nerve to re-enroll in school. My life changed as a result of that choice. Since I no longer believed that the people in my life were sufficient, I became more receptive to opportunities, bolder and more assertive when making the initial move, more accepting of new people, and more eager to learn what and who to engage in.
I experienced many wonderful things in 2022, but I can't pinpoint the exact time when everything seemed perfect since I genuinely thought that nothing was. Just so you know, I made sure to relish every moment so they would stay in my memory for the rest of my life. From all the travels, dine outs, late night talks, beach moments, embarrassing hours, cups of coffee, and loud laughter, 2022 gave me one of the longest years of my life.
I met the most broken version of myself and at the same time, I was able to unlock the strongest version of me. I developed a greater capacity for forgiveness even in the absence of an apology and learned to love people more despite their flaws. I was able to connect with my most sensitive side. Some could argue that it would make me hurt once more, but in light of everything that happened in 2022, I am confident that I have improved as a result of choosing kindness over holding grudges.
With everything that has been said and done, I know that I can face 2023 with confidence, alongside with the people who are willing to stay despite my brokenness and flaws. If there is one thing I would pray for the rest of 2023, it would be happiness. Not only for me but for everyone that I love. I pray for happiness of my family, my friends and all the people that matters so much to me. I'm entering a new year with enough courage to face the change that this year may bring. I'm entering the year 2023 with a grateful heart knowing that I am at peace with myself.
As this is my first piece for 2023 and my last peace for 2022, I now close the most painful yet fruitful year of my life and I welcome a year of healing, forgiveness, and purpose. Good bye, 2022 and bring it on, 2023!
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#bro I'm so stressed rn#I can't stop clenching my jaw my social anxiety was so bad today... and then the moving stress#I haven't even really done anything yet I have two months but I'm still losing my shit#def can't live on my own with cost of living being so high... I checked#the only things under $950 are single room rentals in another persons house#which I would like to avoid lol#the ideal situation would be someone I know from work who is pretty responsible and chill#only a couple people come to mind as options but idk if they're looking for a roommate#this is where my self isolation comes back to bite me... I absolutely hate that I'm afraid/unwilling to form many connections#I will gladly over share at work but I have no real relationships with anybody#I'm not even close to my family#idk I texted one asking if he knows anybody... I wouldn't mind sharing a place with him but I'm not gonna ask outright#if he's fine with it he'll bring it up#god I hope this all works out... esp since I will likely be going inpatient soon#no idea when though lol#or for how long#I have nearly 2 weeks worth of sick + vacation time put together but I would like to avoid using all of it?#and if I'm moved out already when I go I may have to bc of bills
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