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#I just don’t want to be here anymore
sapphos-tooth · 9 months
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i just wanted to eat my dinner, but now i’m having chest pains and high anxiety. I feel like i’m reliving my childhood rn
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I might’ve just fucked everything up because I can never just shut up.
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thehoax · 1 month
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i feel like part of the reason why i want to move away from my country for like my UG itself is that my hometown is haunting me lol
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the-fandom-abyss · 8 months
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Funny how one thing can completely derail your day and bring back that feeling of overwhelming depression. Cheers.
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daftmooncretin · 5 months
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last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : “dean look! cowboys!” “dean look! strip club!” “dean look! haunted action figure.”
Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.
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I don’t think there’s a single night this past week where I haven’t cried myself to sleep. Fuck this.
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asukasen · 1 year
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something real funny about the mental health websites that pop up when i try to look up ways to kill myself
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lordoflightning · 11 months
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what if, hypothetically, i couldn’t take it anymore?
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poltergeist-coffee · 8 months
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time-slink · 1 year
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ok fine. caved and painted him
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finntheehumaneater · 6 days
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these dirt roads are empty, the ones we paved ourselves (part 2)
part one (important note under the cut)
The Hell-thingy club was held in the theater room, Steve learned. There was a paper sign over the door that wasn’t there this morning. It was very detailed, with no white space, kind of making it hard to look at. 
Hard to look at, but pretty.
He was going to knock—maybe ask around and see if anyone knew a girl named Eddie, but the door burst open and a girl stumbled out, sobbing into her hands. She had long black hair that was up in a bun and painted nails, and she nearly bumped into Steve, but he flattened himself against the wall so that she could pass.
“Katie,” a voice called, and a boy with long curly hair rushed out, his hand grabbing at her waist to turn her around. The girl (Katie?) shook her head, pressing it into the boy’s neck as she cried. She was a bit taller than him, but Steve guessed it was only because of her boots.
Steve felt a bit awkward standing there, just watching as the boy ran a hand over her back, the other holding her waist. “It’s okay, Kate, we’ll—I’ll watch Sarah. Okay? I’ll watch Sarah for you.”
“I should have to watch her, she’s—“ 
“Stop it,” the boy whispered, tugging her into a proper hug. “Stop it, babe, I’ll watch her.”
“Don’t need you to, I’ll just miss it,” The girl sobbed into the boy’s shoulder as he swayed her back and forth. It felt too personal for Steve to be witnessing, and he wanted to try and quietly slip into the theater room, but he was afraid that if he moved he would ruin their moment.
“You won’t miss it, I’ll watch her,” The boy murmured, pulling away and nodding slightly. “She likes me, it’ll be fun.”
“But she’s little,” the girl tried to protest, her voice weak and shaky.
“I know she’s little, hun, I was there when you had her,” the boy pointed out softly, smiling as he took her hands in his. His skin was white where her fingers were gripping it. “I’m like basically her dad, I’ll watch her for you.”
The girl hesitated, before shrugging and looking down. She glanced over at Steve, her cheeks flushed as she shrank into herself slightly, looking down.
“You go back in and tell Jeff I’ll be there in a minute,” the boy said to her, kissing her forehead and gently pushing her in the direction of the theater room door. “I’m gonna say hi to our friend, here.”
“Hey, sweetheart,” the boy grinned as he turned to Steve, his eyes flicking over to the door as it closed before he looked Steve over. “Enjoy the show?”
“I didn’t—“ Steve started, even though he didn’t really know what to say, but the guy cut him off.
“Is there…anything I can help you with?” He asked with faux politeness, and Steve went to grab for his backpack, maybe to grab the notebook and give it to the man—he could ask him to give it back to the girl who had dropped it—when he paused. He didn’t really trust the guy to give it back.
“Just um, wanted to look into the club,” he lied quickly, dropping his hands back at his sides, hating how they felt so useless and awkward just being there, not doing anything. “Hey, is there a, uh, a girl named Eddie in there?”
“Nope,” the guy said, crossing his arms. “I’m the only Eddie in this club. And—hold on, you wanted to look into Hellfire?”
“Hellfire, what...” Steve paused, squinting and looking back up at the paper sign above the door. His head hurt. “Oh, uh. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Right.”
“Okay,” The guy said, slowly. No, Eddie said slowly. This guy was also an Eddie. Cool. “Are you sure you’re not here to be an asshole? Because, look man, respect your jock urge to fuck up us nerds, but like—this is kinda all I have right now, so just—if you’re not actually interested then please leave. I can’t lose this right now, too.”
“I, okay, maybe I’m not interested, but my girlfriend’s little brother likes whatever you do in there….”
“Dungeons and Dragons?” Eddie cut in, tilting his head, which really added to his whole pathetic-cat-vibe.
“Uh, yeah, sure. That,” Steve muttered, shaking his head. “They like it, so maybe you could just—show me how it works. Might help me get him to like me or something.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, tapping his hand against his thigh, and Steve caught sight of a ring on his middle finger, a thin silver one with blue in the middle. “Fine. Sure. Come on in.” He raised an eyebrow though as he stepped back, holding a hand out to Steve when he went to take a step forward though. “If you’re a dick to Gareth I’ll fucking kill you, though.”
“Okay,” Steve said, narrowing his eyes slightly. This kid didn’t look like he could kill him. Probably just throw dice at him and annoy him. Bite his ankles, maybe, he was kind of short.
Eddie opened the door to the theater room, giving Steve a mock bow, his hair falling into his face as his lips pulled into a dry smile. “After you, princess.”
Steve flushed at the name, opening his mouth to protest, saying something like, I’m not a girl, but he just rolled his eyes and went inside. It was really hard to be nice to this guy, but he was going to try. Besides, he had to go along with the lie that he was here to learn about Dungeons and Dragons. For Mike. Even though Mike didn’t like him. And, to be honest, Steve didn’t really like Mike either, but his friends were okay.
The room was dark, a couple of lamps lit but the overhead light off. There was a long table, a throne sitting at one end and a stool at the other with normal chairs on the sides. Eddie motioned for Steve to sit on the stool. The people on the chairs all turned to look at him, and he shrunk down slightly, his backpack held tightly in his lap.
“Hey,” a curly haired boy said hesitantly, and Steve saw Eddie’s eyes linger on him for a second too long, his expression nice and soft like it was with the girl from outside who was staring down at her lap, her eyes still red.  
“Hey,” Steve whispered back, offering a small smile. Everyone in here looked scared of him, and that made him feel even more nervous. “I’m uh, I’m Steve.”
“We know,” Gareth said, his cheeks a bit pink. “I—I know, we’ve bumped into each other before.”
Steve smiled slightly, tilting his head. “We did?”
Gareth frowned, shrugging. “It wasn’t a good bumping into.”
“Oh,” Steve whispered softly as Eddie started to talk. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—“
“Hey, Harrington,” Eddie snapped, glaring again. “If you came here to learn about D&D you’ve gotta listen, man.”
Steve nodded, glancing at Gareth one last time before sitting up in his seat a bit more and trying to look as focused as possible. If he just paid attention he could leave and then find the girl he was looking for tomorrow.
But Eddie wasn’t very good at teaching things. He went over things too quickly, muttering something about how Steve’s head must be filled with so much ‘stupid sports shit’ so he couldn’t concentrate. Steve felt like Eddie was using long words on purpose, ones that he knew Steve wouldn’t understand.
Steve dug his fingers into his thighs, sucking in a deep breath as Eddie went on and on about hit points, a few people butting in to say something but he waved them off. “I don’t—don’t understand—“
“Maybe just fucking listen, then?” Eddie said tightly, giving Steve a strained smile. “Okay, sweetheart?”
“I am listening,” Steve protested, starting to feel a bit pissed off. He wanted to go home with Nancy, he was tired of fucking sitting there. “It’s just—I don’t understand what all of this means, and you’re going way too fast for me to—“
“Go, then,” Eddie said, and Steve fell quiet, looking back up from where he had been focusing on a little figurine.
“What?”
“Go,” Eddie said, his gaze hard and challenging. “If I’m so bad at explaining this, then fucking go.”
Steve say the girl from the hallway shoot Eddie a look out of the corner of his eyes, but Eddie didn’t seem to notice.
“Fine,” Steve whispered, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks as he grabbed his backpack and stood up, the chair falling backwards and hitting against the floor. He flinched. The lights in the room flickered and he took a step back, trying to calm down. It’s just a stupid fucking noise, it shouldn’t scare him. He’s not supposed to be scared of flashing lights.
“Bye,” he whispered to Gareth, pinching at the bridge of his nose for a second as he tried not to cry. This was all so stupid. “It was nice to officially meet you.”
“Yeah,” Gareth muttered, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.
“Bye, sweetheart,” He heard Eddie call as he slammed the door shut, condescending and mean.
Fuck him, he was going to go and find Nancy.
hey guys. Sorry this update took so long to do, and that’s it’s short. I haven’t been doing to great, and now with that stupid fucking post that puppy-steve made about me I don’t know when my mental state is going to get better—or when I will be updating next.
All of my friends and mutuals in here are unfollowing me and blocking me because of that post, and I haven’t stopped crying all morning. I feel like shit. If I am a minor that is my own business and no one else’s, but I think going as far is to make up lies about me ignoring DMs to stop interacting with people is too fucking far.
I’ll try to update this sooner but I feel like everyone hates me at the moment so I don’t know how soon it will be. Sorry.
taglist (I hope I got everyone 🩷):
@himbosandhardware
@randombibitch
@eddie4bat-president 
@steddiewithachance
@jadeylovesmarvelxo
@precioussteveharrington
@magpiemuseum
@here4thetrama
@estrellami-1
@goodolefashionedloverboi
@anne-bennet-cosplayer
@cherrychapsticksteve
@somegirlsomewhere
@letgomaggie
@myguiltyartpleasure
@theemptinessthatweconfess
@kennahjune
@onemoore
@shessofineliterallyhitmewithacar
@marismorar
@gobbledy-gluk-gluk
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11syrups · 2 years
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“Means that never reach an end,”
“That’s what you get! For living in your head.”
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starfall-isle · 25 days
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Hey 👋 I’m a broken record but things have been hard again. I did not realize how long I’ve been gone want to try and be here for a while
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kentopedia · 1 month
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truthfully i want to back away from jjk but i don’t know how
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aurosoul · 3 months
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realizing that my main task rn is to figure out how to make art for myself again 🤔
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foxgloveinspace · 4 months
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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.
#very much so#tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks#listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one#‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans#I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t#mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass#this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change#and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing#I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love#I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask#if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.
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