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elicathebunny · 4 months

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FINALLY CLOSING THE GAP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HIGHEST SELF IN 2024.

You are going to STOP scrolling endlessly for self-help and advice content and you are going to STOP and apply the knowledge you have endlessly gained. Obtaining help and advice knowledge is useless if it goes through one ear and comes straight out the other. STOP becoming addicted to the idea of scrolling and scrolling for your problems yet you already have the resources to fix them. A fool is a person who cannot decide to take action despite having access to the information needed to do so.

BREAKING FREE FROM THE SCROLLING CYCLE

Learning and Applying is one thing, but Learning and Staying Stationary is literally brain rot. You're addicted to the idea of change and the end result, but you never take the steps towards discipline with a personal structure to get that result. You keep looking for quick fixes and easy hacks, but life is not a quick fix and no hack can elevate your life from 0% to 100% without visiting the rest of the numbers first.

TAKE A BREAK FROM SCROLLING

Take time away from your usual scrolling and learn to be on your own. Learn your own ways of self-care, learn what works for you and understand what you need, because nobody is the same. Following a millionaire's morning routine will not make you a millionaire. This routine has worked for someone to feel and be productive in the morning and was probably curated over the years to suit their current lifestyle. So, seeing other people's successes and comparing their working ways to your life is unrealistic if you are not in a position to implement them. Going straight from 0% (Being unproductive and procrastinating) to 100% (Being incredibly Productive and in tune with self) will not be sustainable for someone who has not built the discipline and the inner foundations required for it. STOP seeing information online and taking it without ALTERING anything to your personal situation.

STOP ASKING HOW TO AND JUST DO

"How to lose weight, How to become more social, How to do this and that"

Most of these things you ALREADY know the answer to. Everybody knows that to lose weight, you need to burn more than you consume. There is literally no other way, no magic and no secret hack, just that simple fact. I guarantee you know that to become more social you just have to be social. Learn to be comfortable in social situations which will require inner work, but it's not a difficult concept. Most of us know what we need to do, yet we still try to find quick fixes or another way that same message is presented to us differently. We act as if we are improving and developing on our "improvement" journey yet we are just finding coping ways to feel like we are moving, yet we are still in the exact same place as before. I know you know what to do, I know you have researched what you should do and ways you can do it. So why are you not doing it? Why are you still not where you want to be? If you are not where you want to be, then what you're currently doing needs to change. You cannot do the exact same thing you've been doing for years and expect a different outcome. You need to curate a routine suited to your needs that is realistic and achievable to adopt.

LEARNING TO MOVE ON YOUR OWN, STOP DEPENDING ON OTHERS TO FUEL YOUR SUCCESS JOURNEY LISTEN TO: NOBODY IS COMING TO SAVE YOU BY JULIENHIMSELF Make yourself your safe space, your foundation. When you see yourself in the mirror you should be able to tell yourself "I love you", you should be so sure in what you do that nobody else can contradict what you believe in yourself, this is the end goal of self-improvement. Many of us have put aside our goals because we "are not ready", "people may judge us" or "I need to be/achieve ___ to.." Now don't get me wrong, I'm on this journey with you. I write on this blog to teach my brain how to think in the higher mindset that I'm creating for myself. I too have thoughts like this which is why in 2024 we are going to break out of our old selves to make room for our new selves together. We have to lose ourselves to find ourselves. If you're mood and self-worth are controlled by other people's opinions, then you will never advance further with yourself and will remain stationary. You have to stop allowing other people to determine whether you are allowed to pursue your desires or if you shouldn't because of fear of rejection. Don't take life too seriously, we are only here for so much time. So what if people make fun of you? In a few years will you look back and be proud and fulfilled of your past or feel regret and disappointment? LISTEN TO: WHY YOU CARE SO MUCH BY JULIANHIMSELF + LISTEN TO: HOW TO DETACH BY VICKITA TRIVEDI

The only way to get to 0%-100% is by doing.

Embody your potential

#self worth #dream girl #that girl #self improvement #improve #self growth #self gratitude #new years #highest self

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itsbansheebitch · 3 months

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How to Word THIS

I tried rewriting this post so many times. I'm going to try bullet points instead.

I think all of these are good/true:

From my experience as an afab person raised similarly to a boy due to my father wanting a boy, I can confidently say that the emotional suppression that men and boys experience on a daily basis is frankly, inhumane.

Parents shouldn't speculate their kid(s) gender/sexuality/etc just because their kid is showing certain behaviors/having certain interests that aren't stereotypical for their assigned gender.

Parents should allow kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure not to push them into anything.

Parents should allow their kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure that their kid is first and foremost SAFE and HAPPY.

Emotional suppression is expected of men/boys, but science agrees that emotional suppression is in short, BAD FOR YOU.

"Be a man" is often used as a slap in the face to keep men/boys in line. You can imagine this isn't ideal if a boy is reporting bullying in school or a man is trying to bring up unsafe working conditions.

A lot of women have trauma about men (including myself), but this doesn't mean that a whole marginalized group should be excluded from sports (We're not going to re-segregate sports just because some people have trauma related to black people, are we?)

Men & boys' emotions should not only be accepted but ENCOURAGED!

Black men's emotions have been demonized for CENTURIES. Make sure to raise an eyebrow when you hear a black man experiencing anger described as "animalistic" or described with any other dehumanizing language.

Stop expecting men to do things you don't expect women to do! If you don't expect women to chase CEO positions, don't ask why a man isn't a CEO yet! Just like how you shouldn't expect a woman to be a wife and mother by 25 if that's not what you're expecting of men. And if you are having those kinds of standards then maybe lower them because both sides and both genders are extremely unrealistic!

Men aren't given the tools to describe their emotions! If you are wondering what a man thinks about a topic, a decision, etc, give them time to respond and let them know they have time to think! Give them time to think about their answer. If they want (ASK) you can offer an Emotion Wheel or a few (metaphorical) Mad Libs for them to start their answer with.

Alexithymia (also known as emotional colorblindness) is a phenomenon when someone has trouble describing their emotions. They feel all their emotions normally, but they struggle describing them or giving them detail.

Normative Male Alexithymia is a type of Alexithymia. It is called "Normative Male..." because in a lot of cultures (specifically western cultures) it is normal for men to suppress their emotions to the point of having trouble recalling names of emotions or describing them in detail when asked.

Alexithymia/Normative Male Alexithymia is a BIG reason why a lot of men struggle in therapy. It is also the reason why I, myself struggled (to communicate my thoughts) in therapy. Because I was raised to suppress my emotions and not communicate my thoughts.

I truly believe that if my upbringing was even a HINT a SLICE a BREATH a WHISPER a TINY BIT of what the average boy's upbringing is like, then our collective, societal treatment of men and boys is inhumane and inexcusable.

I know any boy or man that makes a post even hinting something like this would be attacked. This isn't me being a pick-me, this is me telling you that my dad was prepared to raise boys, he got girls, and I got a VERY different perspective because of it. I'm telling you right now that if how I was treated was even a hint of what the average boy gets growing up, then we owe men an apology. I'm not joking. This is not satire.

People talk about intersectionality, but rarely actually NAME boys and men as being a part of the discussion (unless they're the "villain"). I think we should do so more often. They are ALSO getting the short end of the stick. (Expecting to be part of an "Atom Family" and work ALL DAY??? NO THANKS)

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pigeonpeach · 28 days

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My Heart Calls Your Name

Nilou x gn eremite reader part 3

Summary: The week had gone by faster than expected. Now you must depart back to the desert. Although you had spent years in the desert, it doesn’t feel the same

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4 the end

Little warning for alcohol

“Well I was wrong.” Clear Water proudly proclaimed seeing you walking towards her and the rest of the tribe. They turned mildly surprised but hid it quickly. “So. How was your vacation? Just what you needed?” Clear water asked. You nodded.

“It was nice. I’ve learned alot culinary wise.” You said with a smile.

“So you didn’t spend time with that dancer lady?” Your matriarch teased. “Say wheres your mask at?” You searched your bags finding it missing. You must’ve left it with Nilou..

“Oh crap.” You sighed. ClearWater sighed.

“We have extra, here.” Pulling it from one of the bags. You dawned it on, obscuring your vision slightly but still able to see. There was something in your heart. Like a flower stuck in a tiny pot, eager to grow beyond the clay walls. But you knew it was for the best. You would get over it someday.

“You didn’t answer my question little chef, what did you do while you were gone?” The Matriach asked once more.

“Ah, well I helped her theatre group and tried some foods. I have new recipes to try now so I say it was nice.” You answered. She noticed your hesitation.

“You’re okay right?” She asked shooing the rest. They left to probably recount supplies and feed the sumpter beast. But Clear Water still glanced at you occasionally.

“W-why wouldn’t I be?” You asked confused.

“Well You seem disappointed. Like you wanted to stay there.” She answered. You gulped.

“I mostly miss getting to sleep on a mattress mostly.” You dismissed. She seemed unconvinced.

“Hopefully you didn’t soften too much. Its good to see you again.” She patted you on the shoulder, sending you off to held load the sumpter beast’s cargo. Now alone with your thoughts you couldn’t help but feel like every step and movement was harder. The Ribat is familiar, you’ve come here more times than you could count on both hands and toes. This job is what you’ve held for years now with no other change until now. But something felt disheartening to know you may never see Nilou again, her theatre team, the various dads you befriended who were equally enthusiastic with cooking as you. You felt the unrealistic desire to run right back to the city and look for Nilou, profess your love and let that determine your destiny. But its too late now.

“Hey!” Clearwater said catching your attention.

“Oh sorry.” You said facing her.

“Its fine, I was just asking you what the deal with that dancer lady is.” She sighed carrying a bundle of peppers and radishes. You felt confused, your tribe hardly ever brought vegetables. “Oh and I wanted to show you some veggies we got. I figured you must’ve been tired of the meats so I wanted to give you some variety.” You nodded.

“Thanks. And her name is Nilou.”

“Nilou. Oh yeah you told me about her, you spent alot of time with her didn’t you?” She asked casually, adjusting the straps on the Beast. You focused your attentions on scratching behind its head to help it relax, it grumbled in thanks as it leaned closer, giving Clear Water a better chance to reach the one open flap that bothered her.

“Yeah. She was great. She was friends with so many people. Everywhere we went she’d get like discounts and freebies because she knew the owners. Even got me a nice inn room for a reduced price.” You smiled. “I got to try lots of other foods too. Padisarah Pudding was my favorite. Unfortunately those ingredients are harder for us to get and maintain so I won’t be able to cook it.”

“Sounds tasty. What was she like?”

“Lovely.. i-i mean her dancing was lovely. I helped her theatre group and had dinner with them lots, they were all so welcoming and nice. Nilou made sure I never overworked myself though. She even taught me to dance.” You smiled reminiscing.

“Really? So I’m guessing it didn’t work out?” She asked. You paused looking at her directly. You thought about denying it, but at this rate you knew it was true. It seemed like everyone knew anyways, there was no use in denying it.

“I- uh… never told her. I just… didn’t have the courage.” You said quietly. The sumpter beast grumbled wanting more scratches to which you obliged.

“You should’ve. You need too actually.” She said quieter as well. She picked up more bags to slide on-top of the beasts.

“Well I can’t anymore. She couldn’t come to see me off so unless I want to delay our leave I can’t tell her now.” You said.

“Send a letter. If you never tell her then you’ll always be wishing for her. At least if she rejects you then you’ll feel better about your decision here.” She said. She had a point. That idea seemed interesting actually.

“You know.. I’ll do that. Do you have a paper?” You asked. She smiled pulling out some.

“How do you do it?” You asked curiously. Nilou looked up. At you. She was adjusting the straps on her legs when she seemed to get a idea. You met up with her early, maybe too early. There’s no one else in the Theatre here yet, and few people in the area altogether.

“Ooh do you want to learn to dance?” She asked.

“Well maybe not completely.. I’m just a little curious” your posture stiffened.

“Well I could show you.” She smiled, by now you knew she was eager to do so. “I sometimes give lessons to kids, so I assure you I’ll be a good teacher.” You sighed.

“Alright.” You said. Steeping out onto the empty stage. All props were in storage currently. There was minimal people out now, they were more focused on setting their stalls up. You took a deep breath getting closer.

“Alright, lets start with some stretching exercises.” She said. “First lets touch our toes, you don’t have to reach it, just bend down and do your best.” Her voice was encouraging, you felt a little embarrassed in this position, but she was doing it with you, so you felt less silly. It felt strenuous but nice to stretch our your hamstrings. “Then you’re going to cross your arms like this.” She demonstrated by crossed her left arm across her body, pointed straight in the other way, her other harm pressed it closer to her chest. You followed, feeling the stretch, swapping hands as she did. “Alright lets start with something easy.”

Dancing with Nilou felt so natural. You watched her carefully and tried to mimic every step and even bend in her limbs, every turn and even her relaxed but neutral expression.

“You know, your friend isn’t too bad actually.” A sudden voice interrupted, causing you to seize up and almost fall if Nilou hadn’t caught your arm in time. It was just a friend of hers, the costumer for the theatre group.

“I know right. I feel like if we just changed their wardrobe they’d be perfect.” She smiled. You immediately stiffened.

“Eh its not worth it. I’m not that good too perform.” You immediately dismissed. They chuckled.

“Practice makes perfect. Enough time and you might become more admired than miss Nilou.” She teased. You felt a bit saddened.

“Oh well.. I don’t really have that time. I’m only on vacation after all.” You corrected. She seemed a bit embarrassed at that correction.

“Oh right, sorry I forgot. You just fit in so well I forgot you would be leaving soon.” She said. “Oh could you two help carry the costume rack up here? I can’t do it alone.”

“I’ll do it, you can keep practicing Nilou.” You said. Heading down the stairs to the costume rack. Nilou watched from afar. Her smile faded once your gaze was elsewhere.

“You’ve really gotten attached haven’t you?” The woman whispered to her. She nodded.

“I can’t help it. Keep it secret though, I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.” Nilou whispered. While you focused on steadying the rack with another member who came over.

“Tonight was our most successful performance yet!” The manager declared. The troupe applauded and cheered as they had stopped mid wrap up to enjoy the news. You meanwhile observed them, smiling as you were holding the ladder for someone currently. “This calls for celebration! Once we’re done here I’ll cover anyone’s tab at the tavern, just don’t go too crazy.” You felt intrigued. You hadn’t had any liquor or anything since your vacation started. Now might be a nice time to enjoy it. You also were curious to see what Nilou was like drunk.

“Sounds great!”

“Well lets get to work then!” Chatter began as people congratulated each other, Nilou mingling somewhere in the crowd while you helped the lady down.

“You’ve been a good help here. You should visit whenever you get the chance.” She smiled. “Of course if you ever want to retire from your current job then we’d be happy to welcome you aboard!” You were surprised at that. Slightly tempted to.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” You said. After helping her package things up you walked over to Nilou who seemed ecstatic. She had a bunch of flowers in her hands. Bouquets from fans and friends likely.

“Thank you so much for your help. I really can’t thank you enough. You’re heading to the tavern right? Maybe we could go together I hear the foods great I’ll even pay for dinner as thabks-“ she cut herself off as she blushed embarrassed. “Ah sorry! I didn’t mean to say that all so fast. I’d just been rehearsing it in my head for so long.” She sheepishly admitted as she slowed her breath. You felt confused but intrigued.

“I wouldn’t mind that no. How soon will you be heading there?” You asked.

“Soon, i just gotta give these flowers to everyone. Oh heres yours! A gift of gratitude!” She smiled as you took the bouquet. This was the first bouquet you had gotten ever. Genuinely you had never received flowers beforehand. You paused admiring the flowers as she anxiously analyzed your expression. You were lost in thought as you felt your heart swell even more than possible. You never felt this appreciated, this welcomed and this loved. You couldn’t stop the big smile on your face.

“Thank you.. so much Nilou. I-i really an glad I came here.” You stammered. Your reaction calmed her slightly.

“Your welcome. Oh I really should give the others their flowers, then we can head out!” She excitedly said, dashing off. You heard a chuckle from behind. You turned to see the costumer.

“You know, she doesn’t do this normally right?” She asked.

“She doesn’t?” You asked confused. She nodded in confirmation. “Then why would she?”

“Well she probably wanted a excuse to give you a bouquet. But you didn’t hear that from me.” She smiled cheekily as she walked away. You watched Nilou handing out the bouquets, the reactions were indeed a mix of surprise but confusion. This was indeed out of the normal. The idea that she went this far to give you this made you blush. You wished you had your mask on now to hide it.

That night at the tavern had been eventful. You had struggled to hear Nilou properly as she had a softer voice.

“This place is really noisy huh?” She said nervously.

“Do you not come here often?” You asked. “Taverns are always noisy at nights like this.”

“I figured. I guess you’re used to this kind of environment.” She played with her hair, you wondered if she was blushing or if it was just the early signs of drunkenness coming in.

“Definitely. Hopefully a fight doesn’t break out. That’s when things really get loud.” You commented. Another round of wine was passed to your table, the other adults chatting amongst themselves. You noticed none of them tried to chat with Nilou, you wondered if for a second they’d plan that so she could spend time with you. You also noticed nilou tried to mimic your pace at drinking. You really enjoyed the cocktail you had ordered. The sweetness of sunsettias and bitterness of wine was addictive. You felt more at ease. “You know this one time, this couple of eremite dudes got in a huge fight. Well we thought they were fighting, turns out it was a really weird make out session. I guess they were so drunk they forgot about basic decency. Anyways found out later that the other proposed that night. Think they’re still together.” Nilou seemed interested in that story, or she was just staring at your face.

“That’s wild. Do eremites fight alot when drunk?” She asked, her voice a little slurred. You smiled, the tensuon in your body had faded at this point.

“Certainly. We fight for fun sometimes when sober, but that’s like coordinated and not as extreme. You know it has rules like no making the other bleed and no weapons and such. Its just to help the two get stronger. But when they’re drunk its a problem. Friendly spars turn into vicious fights. Its not uncommon for eremites to get banned actually. We have to limit ourselves usually or the bartender may have us kicked out at the first sign of rowdy behavior.” You giggled.

“Wow. I rarely see fights here. Sometimes you see students getting into quarrels but that’s hardly entertaining.”

“Figured, its just a bunch of nerds arguing over formulas I bet.” You chuckled, she laughed along.

“Probably. Have you ever been hit on at a tavern before?” She asked. Even in your relaxed, not too drunk but still inebriated state did you feel surprised.

“Eh not much.” You shrugged. She seemed surprised.

“Really?! But you’re so pretty!” She said, her hands suddenly reaching out to hold your face. You felt your heart jump as she looked right into your eyes. You had never been called pretty before. “Or handsome..or beautiful.. you’re just attractive is what i mean! Like your eyes are so striking, it feels like a crime that you wear a mask to hide them!” She was definitely drunk now. But you knew drunk people were reflections of people’s true feelings and thoughts. That fact only made you even more flushed.

“Y-you think so? No one has ever called me that.” You responded, still not pushing her off of you. You wouldn’t let her go further than that. You weren’t a one night stand kind of person.

“Really? What is wrong with the people you’ve met!” She giggled, moving her hands she scooted closer to you and laid her head on your shoulder. “You’re perfect to me.”

“You think so?” You asked. If you were a dog your tail would be wagging, like a feral wolf that just learned how wonderful it felt to be petted and praised. Its like she was domesticating you, if you were sober you would fear getting too used to her sweet and affectionate personality, but you hardly could even remember what number your refill was at.

“I know so. You have such big muscles! Such a gentle temperament and not to mention how patient and hardworking you are.” She giggled. “Its not just the wine talking too, though I’m sure if it could talk it would agree with me.” You laughed at that joke.

The night had continued with laughter and random face touches and muscles squeezing from Nilou, your hands kept to yourself until you had to walk her home.

“You know the way back to your house right?” You asked, your hand supporting her by her waist as her hand was slung over your shoulders. You noticed a sudden boost of confidence in her eyes.

“Can I sleep at your place? I don’t want you to have to walk home alone afterwards.” She said. “Since you’re drunk too.. i don’t want anyone takin ‘vantage of you.”

“I only have one bed though.” You didn’t really mind, you were just nervous about things progressing from there. You weren’t ready for that and nor did you want it to be while drunk.

“Its okay I’ll sleep on the floor or something.” She smiled. You obliged eventually.

The door swung open as you now carried her, she had been too drunk to make it up the stairs. Holding her bridal style, you carried her to the bed. She giggle while playing with your hair.

“Its sooo soft.. i can’t believe it! How do you keep it so silky and smooth!” She said.

“Just some good ol oils and brushing.” You laid her down, tucking her in as you collected a few pillows and started to make a makeshift bed on the floor, dragging out your sleeping bag from your job and laying it out. “Alright now get to sleep. I’m sure you’ll be plenty of busy tomorrow-WOAH!” You were yanked into bed by a surprising strength coming from the drunken Nilou. The bed was small so she practically climbed ontop of you, laying her head on your chest as she smiled.

“Night night.” And like that she was out. Your face was all red for sure. But you couldn’t help but enjoy it slightly. You weren’t sure why Nilou was so touchy and affectionate. Love seemed like the obvious but least likely in your mind. Deep down, drunk or not, you found it hard to believe someone could love you. But her hands around you, gradually shifting to spooning, her holding you… you let yourself enjoy it knowing it’d likely be the last time you would feel this way.

That night you slept better than any drunken sleeps before.

The night in the desert felt different now. You were on guard as you watched the horizon and distance carefully. Nothing but foxes looking for lizards too hunt. You remembered suddenly how it felt to be held, to be the little spoon. How it felt to be loved and to love. You doubted she’d ever write back. You doubted you could ever show your face now that the letter was sent. You felt your chest tighten. A undoubtable longing inside for her. Your heart called her name, your exposed and scarred skin longed to be held and touched by her, your ears craved to hear her voice, and your eyes wished to see her smile once more. You were in love, how horrible. The sand felt like shards of metal now, the once familiar terrain seemed so bland and empty. But there was comfort in it, the familiarity of it. You wondered how soon you could return to the Ribat, and if you could catch sight of her once more…

But that letter.. you knew in your heart if you she reciprocated then… then what? Would you give up your life you had lived all these years, that you had been so accustomed to and raised for, all for her? Would it be worth it in the end? Would it be a mistake or the best decision in your life?

#genshin imagines #genshin x y/n #genshin impact #domestic fluff #pinning #slight angst #nilou x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #reader is really starved of love #just like me fr

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t4le-4s-0ld-4s-t1m3 · 1 month

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So I'm on youtube, looking for reviews of Damsel because I loved it and wanted to find a comment section with like-minded people. Only I never ended up participating in any discussions. Oh there were a bunch a reviews, some of them positive. But I got distracted by the overwhelming amount of reviews made by middle-aged white men with horrible titles.

Now did I expect everyone to like it ? No, of course not, taste is subjective. Do I think the movie is perfect ? No, it's a B-movie if we're being honest, the plot is very basic and there is not a lot of depth, though I think there is more than meets the eye. It's a power fantasy movie, with all the suspension of disbelief and fun that entails. A turn your brain off, you leave feeling badass kind of movie.

All the same, the heartbreak and frustration I feel after clicking on a few of them, watching about a minute, and going through the comment sections is immeasurable. Because the commentary was always the same, "this is anti-white men" (media literacy is dead by the way, because how ? How was that a conclusion ?), "hollywood pushing the girlboss agenda", "worse movie ever", "why do all female protagonists have to be strong, why can't they be soft", "feminists and their anti-marriage propaganda". Guys, I don't know if it's just because I'm in my mid-twenties now, or because more men have become radicalised, or both. But I am so, so tired of this shit. So tired of feeling like some men want to put me in a very small box and keep me there because they feel entitled to it. And I'm by no means someone who doesn't largely fit in the mould to begin with. I'm a girly-girly with no desire to act like a man or fight like one. I appreciate book Sansa Stark so much for the symbol of soft power that she is, and I do agree that there should be more women like her in fiction. But that these men feel not only comfortable, but entitled to throw so many tantrums trying to shame and force me to never stray from the mould, and watch as they do the same to women who do not and should not have to fit into it, more and more grating. Why can't we have power fantasy movies ? Why does it make them so angry ? I've never seen their power fantasy movies get dunked on. Hell, we usely enjoy them alongside them. Why can't they do the same ? Why must everything targeted at us be something for them to ridicule ?

And do you know what the worse part is ? While watching the movie, I caught myself thinking "most of this isn't unrealistic for a fit woman with magical healing slugs, she only really survives because the dragon is sadistic and enjoys prolonging her suffering, surely the filmbros won't get too annoying". I already knew on some level what was going to happen, because it's what always happens isn't it ? I wast just too hopeful it seems.

#damsel netflix #some men exhaust me #millie bobby brown #let women have power fantasies #why we need feminism

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astroariska · 8 months

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THE LESSON FROM 12TH HOUSE PROFECTION YEAR (AS A CAPRICORN RISING)

I've got my own karma.

When i was a school students, i was getting bullied by my teacher because my rebellion issue. I did that because i experienced some abandonment and neglect from my parents (and also physical harm). My parents were young, broke and unskilled on parenting. So, i was growing up as a troublemaker.

It's not like i was being a troublemaker because i did teenager shit like smoking, drinking, underage sex, or etc. I was being a troublemaker because i was a smart kid back then who couldn't stop myself to questioning things and when people had no idea or any answer that satisfy me. i consider that are incompetence. It turns me into someone who ironically acted as "holier than thou" person and it made me a horrible monster that hurt other people because they didn't meet my expectation or standard that was so incredibly hard, suffocating and sometimes way too unrealistic.

So, you guess it right. I become a lonely, depressed, sad, ambitious, melancholic bastard who doesn't have that many friends. Although i could loose up a little bit and finally get lot of friends and acquintances in the last year of high school and university, but karma still coming anyway.

12th house profection is a karmic profection. It will bring up the most karmic event in your life. The sign of your karmic 12th house profection will tell you where you accumulate the most karma and the planet there will tell you what kind of karma you get.

I have Sagittarius 12th house with Mars in 16 degrees there. So you could name it. My biggest karmic event come from my experience in school as social and educational government institution (Sagittarius). And Mars is about violence, anger, drive and action. So in my 12th house profection year, i got my own karma because what i have done when i was in school and university.

Let's cut it into the lesson because this post will be hell damn long if i continue to tell you what was happened during my 12th house profection year.

THE BIGGEST VILLAIN OF THE STORY ACTUALLY DOESN'T REALIZE THAT HE IS VILLAIN. No bully thinks that they have done a bullying to their victim even if they actually did it. No r4pist thinks that they have done a rape to their victim even if they did it. No murder thinks that they have done a murder to their victim, too. Their narrative story in their had always have the excuse that prohibit them to see the reality because they are wrapped up in their own delusion (notice that delusion and inability is a focus of 12th house theme)

IN THE REALITY, THE BIGGEST VILLAIN OF A STORY IS SOMEONE WHO THINKS THAT THEY ARE THE HOLY MESSIAH, THE SAVER, THE HERO OR THE REVOLUTIONARIST THAT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD. Think about the biggest war criminal in any world war. They never thought that what had he done to the people was a crime or a mistake. They simply thought that what has they done made them as a hero. That's why there will be always a phrase like "You'll die and become a hero or you'll see yourself end up live too long until you become a villain"

SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THAT THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG, END UP HURT PEOPLE MORE THAN ANYBODY WHO THOUGHT THEY ALWAYS MAKE A MISTAKE. It's not like i want you to self doubt yourself and second-guessing yourself into making kindness. It's just that instead of doubting yourself when trying to do good to other people, question your motive first and make it clear that you did it without any hidden purpose or agenda back in your subconscious mind. You can make a good couse and end up hurting people when you did not realize what was the motivation and the thought that makes you decided like that.

(FOR CAPRICORN RISING ONLY) MAKE SURE YOU FILL YOUR OWN CUPS BEFORE FILL OTHER PEOPLE'S CUP. Capricorn Rising tend to feel like "Okay, if nobody is doing it then I WILL DO IT" thanks to their 4th house Aries. This is good because it force you to be assertive, but when it comes to service, you need to understand that the first things to do in the middle of chaos is not becoming a hero that saves people, but yourself.

(FOR CAPRICORN RISING ONLY) LET YOURSELF GRIEVE. GRIEVE IS A SIGN THAT YOU ARE FULLY ALIVE AND STILL NEED TO CONNECT YOURSELF WITH YOUR OWN SOUL. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE, CRIED AND BE UNPRODUCTIVE AS YOU TRY TO SHED YOUR SORROW.

(FOR CAPRICORN RISING AND LIBRA SUN ONLY) A KARMA IS SIMPLY LESSON IS SOMETHING THAT TEACH YOU WHAT YOU SUPPOSED TO DO. NOT SOMETHING THAT IMPRISONED YOU WITH THE FOREVER SENTENCE. LESSON IS A GIFT, NOT A PUNISHMENT. Saturn is the ruler of Capricorn Rising and exalt in Libra. When Saturn is giving you a lesson, consider that was a gift. Because when Saturn doesn't love you anymore, he would punish you with death as the "villain", "sinner" without any ability to have salvation and forgiving.

THE MOST SELF UNDOING WE DID IS NOT WHEN WE DECIDED TO NOT DO SOMETHING, BUT WHEN WE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING OPPOSITE FROM WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. Self-undoing concept is kinda hard to grasp. When you look at 12th house sign, ask yourself about what kind of thing that you think you need to do buy you did the opposite anyway just because it felt so uncomfortable. Cancer 12th house do thinks that they need to be vulnerable, but they just to self-guard themselves so hard that nobody knows their emotion anyway just because vulnerability feels like suffering and being vulnerable is suffocating them.

This is maybe the longest take of Astrology Observation that i made, but i might consider to write more about 12th house next time. Ciao!

#astro notes #astrology #astro note #astrology observations #astro observations #capricorn #sagittarius #sagittarius 12th house #12th house #capricorn rising #Sagittarius Mars #mars in sagittarius #mars in 12th house

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moonjxsung · 4 months

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For me I don’t really know where it comes from but I can’t bring myself to talk about it out loud to anyone or anywhere cause I feel like I’m disgusting for it like

Like I’m too disgusting to be even allowed to talk about it I don’t know if I explain well like

« Ew she’s so ugly and she dares thinking about stuff like that »

Yeah I have issues 🥹🫶🏻

I love you so much and respect you for being such a safe place to me and so many people 🩷🩷

- 🏴‍☠️

No I totally get this ! I think I was exposed to smut and sexual themes from a really young age and I started writing smut when I was maybe 13 years old which sort of messed with my brain and made me have SUCH unrealistic expectations. And now as an adult I’ve been through hell and back with real life relationships and I just feel so reluctant to fully open up to people or settle for anything less than what I fantasize about tbh. I think there’s also definitely something to be said about the expectations of us (especially women) to look a certain way in order to almost be granted permission to think or act sexually. Like if you’re not “super hot” it comes off as “weird” or “desperate” but if you are hot then people are so drawn to you and you’re allowed to be a sexual being. And simultaneously you will get called slut, whore etc. You honestly just don’t win as a woman.

BUT I really like reiterating that you guys aren’t alone in your minds and that how you feel is nothing to be ashamed about. I still get the impending guilt as an effect of my antidepressants and I’m constantly fearing that I’m less as a person for having sexual thoughts or being a sexual person in nature but it’s what makes us human, and I think fanfic is almost just doing it through a more poetic and palatable lens. Men consume hours of porn and women read erotic novels- why can’t we consume erotica about men we’re mutually attracted to? No shame in that.

I love you guys and I hope that if you get one thing out of my blog it’s to leave your guilt behind and just let yourself unashamedly like what you want to like. I work a corporate 9-5 job and yet when I clock out for the day I’m here talking with you guys about our attraction to boy bands- but the reality is that we ALL have another version of ourselves we go home to, and you’re not different from anyone for being that.

(And I love you !)🫶💓

#🏴‍☠️ anon #ask

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astrodoll2 · 2 years

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🧜🏻‍♀️Astrology observations part 3🧜🏻‍♀️

I know so many cancer risings drawn to the moon and love the moon which makes sense since they’re ruled by the moon but if it is at 29° I notice they tend to love the sun much more or prefer day vs night which might be bc it is a leo degree or because they were just minutes away from being a leo rising which is ruled by the sun, they might also relate more to the description of a leo rising

11th house stellium with Lilith and Aquarius signature on the inside I had a hard time learning to accept myself because I always felt weird and like I couldn’t fit in with other people, no matter how hard I tried I could not “act normal” I felt like I always said the wrong things which would make me later on regret speaking and I also had a hard time accepting my sexuality. It’s been a journey learning to be authentic without the need of approval.

Sun square moon, sun square Uranus, moon conjunct Uranus can you tell I had emotionally unavailable parents who had a hard time getting along🫠

I love saturn energy I just feel like I can relate to them, they aren’t boring they probably just had a difficult childhood and had to learn to mature/grow quickly so they don’t let alot of people in because of that which doesn’t allow most people to see who they really are underneath the serious exterior, they’re also just so reliable and dependable which I really appreciate because I encounter way too many people who aren’t, you guys are really slept on but I guess that means more for me:)

Mercury square Mars 🤝🏻 impulsively let’s their anger out onto others then later comes to regret it and feel bad when they’ve calmed down

^Also Mercury square mars can come off unintentionally aggressive/rude without realizing it because they are so frank and to the point especially if Mercury is in an earth or fire sign

Sagittarius placements are always into that bohemian/hippie style which is really fitting since they’re ruled by jupiter they also always give me the vibe of someone with a yellow aura and they have such pretty smiles

Eros conjunct ascendant I have this and I can vouch for y’all we’re hot✋🏻 😔

Apollo in the 1st house gives off sun/leo energy loving to stand out and show off your beauty

Mars conjunct neptune 🤝🏻 your energy being so magnetic but in a mystical way it’s like you really draw people in to your own little world

Prominent Neptune in your chart aspects to mars/venus/moon may not need a physical relationship so it can be long distance or just someone you don’t see as often simply because they love to fantasize about them and they know it’s better in their heads than reality so they might try to keep a distance to keep the idealization going in their head

Mercurial dominant men 🤝🏻 attractive slender man

Synastry/composite

Fire dominant composite chart can bring so much passion to the relationship you might feel very energetic with this person

Pisces moon and Venus composite gets a bad rep for having unrealistic expectations for the relationship but I think these are really cute placements the relationship is so dreamy and you really do get those butterflies everytime you see or speak to them it’s like it doesn’t matter if you talk everyday or haven’t spoken in years once you’re together those feelings come back because they’ll never fully disappear I feel like you will always have a soft spot for this person and the relationship you had

South node in the 4,7,8,12 could signify past life connections, you might feel as if you’ve known them forever

Someone’s ascendant falling in your 3rd house can really almost make you see that person either as a sibling/family or as if you’ve known them since your childhood regardless they will feel very familiar and warm/comforting to be around

Having 8th house placements both in synastry and the composite chart god good luck you will most likely end up obsessed with that person or the relationship and you might not even know why you like them so much or what keeps pulling you back but it’s like a never ending cycle of being drawn back to them (could be karmic so be mindful of that)

#astrology #tarotcommunity #astro observations #witchythings #tarotdaily #tarot reading #tarot #astro notes #free readings #divination #astrology notes #random observations #psychic abilities

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untitledselfpublishedcomicbook · 5 months

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As someone who grew up in a very recently post 9/11 USA and had to do this myself, I'd like to hear how the rest of you started deconstructing the islamaphobic rhetoric we've been fed our whole lives.

I remember one specific incident, I dont remember anyones name, where a young girl had written a book and was invited on the news to talk about it. She sat down, all excited and happy, about as young as I was, maybe a few years older (I was about 8 or 9, this would have been 2008 or 2009) all ready to share her story and how she had written it with the world. And the woman who interviewed her started it out by asking her "do you condem 9/11"

All the happiness instantly leaked out of her face and was replaced by genuine fear. THEY (the adults) were scaring HER (young child) and everyone expected me to believe they acted like that because muslims are scary and evil. Even at that young age I understood why she would be scared. By asking her if she comdemned it, they subtly implied she has something to do with it. She now has to defend herself against random, unrealistic, ludicrous, unfair claims about a terrorist attack shes too young to personally remember. I knew she HAD to respond to these things calm and measured, she HAD to keep her cool or they'd have painted her as some crazy pyscho. She tried to explain she was to young to remember or have had anything at all to do with this, but the interviewer threw a large and noticeable bitch fit demanding she condemned it verbally. And so she did.

Never once did that interviewer though. Never once do any of them. The grown adults, old enough to have had something to do with it. Old enough to have sent support to Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda. Old enough to have been an informant or a spy. They never condemned him or his actions. In fact as I grew to notice, it was only okay to ask muslim people that, and deeply DEEPLY offensive to even suggest that they the interviewers do.

She never got to talk about her book. The demands of the interviewer wasted all the time.

In less specific examples, I remember random muslim people I saw asked this question on the news or random street interviews would answer calmy and concisely even if their anger was obvious. In an admireable show of self-control they'd keep their cool and not go off on the interviewer.

I always felt it was disrespectfull to the dead to do that. Dragging their memories up and waving them around in the face of these random people because they shared a religion with someone evil. They died horrificly, some people burning, some jumping, many being crushed to death. It didnt need to be treated like a Q&A moment everytime someone had an obviously muslim person in their presence.

Eventually it just began to click that the fall of the twin towers, the hijacking of the planes, the deaths of all 2,996 people wasnt the issue these people had. They cared about loudly hating muslim people and the deaths of those people provided a nice excuse to do it for 20 years publicly.

#text post #long post #questions #filistin 🇵🇸#gaza strip #islamiphobic #anti muslim #palestinians #9/11 #deconstruction #unlearning

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writingquestionsanswered · 1 year

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Hi :)

first, I wanted to say thank you for your kind hearted replies and informative explanations!

It may sound like a weird question (sorry in advance), but how do you come up with an original idea? I have tried brain-storming with myself a couple times, and it seems like every idea I’m trying to materialize was already published; or the plot I’m building is based loosely on a book I recently read.

I’ll try being more concise - how did you ‘open up’ your mind for new plot lines?

thank you 😊

Coming Up with an Original Idea

What Qualifies as an "Original Idea?"

We have to start by managing our expectations when it comes to originality. As writers, we all want to be "original," but what does that actually mean? We often think it means coming up with an idea that has never been done before in any way, shape, or form, but that's an unrealistic expectation. It's not impossible, just unlikely. That's because there are 130 million books in the world, with millions more added every year. And that's just books... that doesn't even include TV shows, movies, plays, musicals, poetry, songs, video games, board games, comic books, graphic novels, and real life stories. The point is, there are so many stories out there, it's very unlikely that you'll be able to come up with something that shares nothing in common with anything already in existence. But that's okay, because...

Humans Are Creatures of Habit

By and large, humans are creatures of habit. It's why we have friends, it's why we have hobbies, it's why we have routines, it's why we have "comfort shows" and "comfort foods" and why we like visiting the same places and doing the same things over and over again. It's why there can be countless teen vampire romance novels. It's why the MCU is able to exist. It's why we have so many zombie stories and dystopian stories and monster movies. Those things are all popular because of their similarities... because of the tropes and plot elements they share, but also because they find new and interesting ways to use those tropes and plot elements, and that's the key.

Focus on Tweaks, Twists, Surprises, and Subversion

Instead of trying to come up with something that's completely original, look at the stories you love the most. Is there a way you can combine some of those ideas, tweak them, subvert some of the tropes and expectations, put in a few twists and surprises? That's how you come up with something new and original... sure, it shares elements in common with other stories, but what matters is the way you use those ideas is new and different.

How to Open Your Mind for New Ideas

Guide: Filling Your Creative Well will walk you through different ways you can fill your head with ideas. The more sources for ideas in your head, the more places you can pull from, the more opportunities you have to tweak, twist, and subvert those ideas to create something new.

You can also have a look at Diversifying a Story That’s Similar to Existing Story for help with putting a fresh spin on a story (or stories) you want to pull from. It will also help you tweak your existing story or planned story if you're worried it's too similar to the inspiration story or another story you found out about.

Have fun with your story! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

Learn more about WQA

Visit my Master List of Top Posts

Go to ko-fi.com/wqa to buy me coffee or see my commissions

#writing tips #writing help #writing advice #wqaadvice

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hersoftembrace · 8 months

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I empathize with your struggles and I have also experienced some gender dysphoria and issues regarding my identity. And I'd like to also note that I've been speculating for years now that I might have ASD. Although I'm not diagnosed currently I'd like to be tested someday once I have the accessibility.

First off- I'd like to just say feminity is artificial. What makes a woman a woman is the fact that she was born as one. Not because of what she wears. Or what she acts like. How she speaks. Or her interests and hobbies.

I myself never identified as trans but especially during my teenage years I struggled with my body image and how I was perceived by others. And this also why I mention ASD, because many autistic people struggle to see themselves as real people. Many autistic people also struggle with gender identity. And this is only worse for autistic girls and women because of the unrealistic expectations we are demanded to fulfill.

Throughout my teenage years and even until now I struggled with my "femininity". I went years without makeup and shaving. I didn't even learn how to use mascara until a couple months ago. And when I started wearing makeup I felt like a fraud. I didn't feel like a real woman. I felt like someone who was pretending to be feminine and simply putting on an act. For years I almost never wore skirts or dresses. And I would look at my wardrobe and feel ashamed because I thought I needed to be more "feminine" presenting or no one would ever want me. That people would see me less a feminine woman and more like a man.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken.

The world we live in is broken. We live in a world where men perpetuate the way women should act and dress. And if we don't fit into their mold of what a "feminine" girl or woman should look like we are stripped of our womanhood. Told we are not real women based on a delusional, dangerous fantasy of what they want women to be like, regardless of what she likes and thinks.

I've been reading this message over and over. I cannot thank you enough. You are very right. Thank you for sharing this. It's of great help. I cannot put into words how much this means to me. Just... Thank you. So much. <3

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elatedandexasperated · 8 months

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So RWRB was a movie with some discourse...

In all honesty, the discourse has bugged me more than any issues with the film itself. I get a film adaptation not living up to personal expectations set by a book is... a response that people have, but the fact some people have been trying to convince people it's not worth watching bothers me.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen all of the love for it too and I know the antis for the film are definitely in the minority. No one can control how anyone relates or who is allowed to enjoy a piece of media, but the sheer hatred I've seen from some of the people on here for the film hurts a bit to see. The arguments seem to be no deeper than "x character was removed" , "there's these plot holes" and "it's too formulaic" that last one of which I feel was kind of the point: it's a formulaic romcom so that queer people can have a fairy tale romance story like the straight ones that get shoved down our throats from a young age by companies like Disney. McQuiston, an NB writer, has gone on record stating that a huge reason why they write is to feature queer identities and make stories that people like them would have liked to read and feel represented by when they were younger.

If this was a straight Hallmark romcom (which tbf, it basically is in terms of story structure, and I low-key love it because of that) it wouldn't have made so much as a blip on most people's radars. But because it features queer characters the threshold for scrutiny seems to have been dropped to the floor (insert "Get Low" joke here). I can get having criticisms of the film, I have a few myself, but the attempt to convince people the film is bad and to disregard it as a whole because of them ignores the positive qualities, what the film means to people in the queer community, what its success can lead to in terms of representation for underrepresented people in the community (Ace, bi, NB, trans, etc.), and an understanding of intricacies that go into adaptation.

At the end of the day, this film was competently made (and in my opinion, well made) by a gay director with an inclusive team and a deep care for both the source material and an understanding of what the film would mean for millions of viewers. It featured experiences and themes that are common to many people in the community with several very poignant messages that actually have huge metatextual implications with the film (The "forced conformity of the closet" quote sticks out in particular to me: the number of op-eds speculating Nick and Taylor's sexualities and how they've been mum about them makes me think a lot of people missed that one; also looking at you, people that forced Kit Connor out of the closet 😒)

The film is a celebration of love featuring characters that people like me and others in the community can relate to. Is it formulaic? Yes. Did they remove some characters to try and create a tighter narrative focused on the main romantic pair? Yes. Is it overly cheesy and so unrealistically sweet that it will give me diabetes? Delightfully so.

So ending on a positive note, I just want to run down some things I've loved about it:

- An mlm story with an actual happy ending that features adult main leads! (Credit to youth stories, they're important, but as an adult it's hard to relate to teenage characters sometimes)

- The charisma both TZP and NG just radiate throughout the movie

- Sarah Shahi eating the absolute SHIT out of every scene she's in (Touch her and die)

- Same for Rachel Hilson

- Uma Thurman and Stephen Fry (enough said)

- The acting overall was fantastic

- The care and work put into intimate scenes and inclusion of an intimacy coordinator

- On a personal level, I loved seeing parallels between Alex and Henry's relationship and the relationship I have with my husband. For the first time in my 30 years I actually see a little of myself in an uplifting and happy piece of media and not portrayed as a dramatic tragedy, villain, or inconsequential background character.

Tl;Dr if you didn't like the movie, that's your opinion. I'm not here to try and convince you otherwise. But please stop trying to convince people it shouldn't be watched. Regardless of your opinion, this film means a lot to a lot of people, including the author of the original book! Just let us enjoy this imperfect, but tasty cheese with our w(h)ine ❤️

#rwrb #rwrb movie #red white and royal blue #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor

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ticklepinions · 9 months

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Welcome to another episode of am I an asshole or just aroace.

Recently I've been in a situation where I've contemplated my sexuality a lot. My best friend has been telling me all about their dating escapades and honestly I'm a bit over it. Obviously as a friend I want to support someone I care about, but I just get into this mood I can't really explain??? I get so disinterested and even feel a bit hurt in a way. So ofc I do some reflecting and I think I found an answer.

A lot of my friendships with people ususlly looked different when they were romantically involved with someone. They would obviously need to prioritize their romantic partner, but sometimes I felt discarded. And i feel like we don't talk about that enough. I mentioned it a bit in my other post but to be pretty much replaced by someone you only know for a short amount of time feels some typa way. And I get it- I won't be priority #1 and I'm okay with that. But I feel like sometimes, men especially, have this toxic idea that their partners become their everything. And in turn, (in my case at least), pay less attention to their friends since their partner is now their sole support system.

So I think there's this small voice in my head telling me that when my friend(s) do find a partner, I'm just gonna be cast aside. I would be absolutely elated if my friend did find someone though, i just know for myself it would be an adjustment.

I feel like loneliness for an aroace person hits a bit different. Especially as I'm getting older, and seeing all of the people I know get into relationships, get married, and/or having kids. My family always asks when I'm going to get a partner (I haven't and probably couldn't come out to them safely). So many times I've been told I haven't found the "right person" or my aroace identity is "just a phase". And it's just gotten so old and bothersome at this point.

I can't even discern what thoughts are my own or the internalized aro/acephobia thats been deeply entrenched in my mind. I feel like I'm trapped in a state of just not knowing. And i get it, I have time, I can discover a different identity that makes more sense for me. But I don't want it!? I feel the most myself being asexual and aromantic (i think!). It's just that having to explain why or justify my existence is getting so exhausting. The way platonic love is just automatically pegged to be the least of all the other loves is just so sad to me.

I know about qprs and honestly they sound pretty dope but idk I might just end up with this loneliness eating away at me. The relationship I'd want with a person just seems so niche and unrealistic. I'm just real tired of living up to others expectations in every sense possible. Tired of not being enough. Tired of being stuck in this in-between of caring so much but not at all.

and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to be in a relationship of any kind to be whole 😩. But I think for myself I'd want it? But not the way society has envisioned it y'know?

#aroace #asexual #aromantic #onionpeelings #i don't think it helps that I'm insecure about literally every aspect of my being #they should invent a life thats not complicated #also I do not have thoughts that flow coherently so thank you for reading this jumbled mess of mine #love seeing people in love but hate that it's not for me? idk #try not to feel like a broken human while aro and/or ace challenge (impossible)#ace #aro #amatonormativity

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sapphic-sex-ed · 2 months

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I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

#mod liz #sorry for the ramble lmao #queer #relationshps #kink mention

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mybikeasmypride · 2 years

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So, just gonna say right off the bat and get it out of the way, I ship Stolitz. Yes, it's problematic. But I like these characters, their interactions are fun/entertaining for me, and this is a work of fiction for adults who I'm sure are capable of telling the difference between reality and fiction.

Cool, now that we are at an understanding, feel free to continue on with this post, or don't. Spoilers ahead for the latest Helluvaboss episode, Season 2 Episode 1. Also, my thoughts will be written as they come so expect little organization.

I really enjoyed this episode, though, for as many questions as it answers, it does open a few more. The episode is broken down two three time periods: when Stolas and Blitz were kids, their first meeting as adults (or the affair), and then the present day following the events of the season 1 finale.

This latest episode did an excellent job (I feel) of re-contextualizing everything we knew about Stolas and Blitz's relationship without actually retconning anything. I myself had always wondered why Blitz was THE ONE person Stolas seemed to have an attraction for, now we know. I know some people were confused about the whole divorce issue between Stolas and Stella and I have some theories:

Following the affair, when Stella first finds out, Stolas is riding the high of being genuinely happy for the first time in many years of his life. He had a taste of true freedom. But we all know what follows that, don't we? In episode 2 of season 1, Stella is furious, throwing things and screaming so loudly it wakes up Octavia all the way across the house. The high of being with Blitz has worn off, and Stolas, having been a victim of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse reverts back to old habits and fears, cowing to his wife in order to keep up some semblance of the status quo. He spends a day with his daughter and realizes the divorce might hurt her, not to mention he still has societal expectations from his peers and family, so the divorce gets put off for Octavia's sake. It's not until Stolas feels he's lost everything, his daughter, and the love of his life, that he finally snaps and fights back against his wife and the expectations society has put on him. Damn the consequences, he finally decided to finalize the divorce.

On Octavia's end, it's vague as to whether or not she was 'aware' of her father being abused. I say that for a few reasons: One, she grew up in this household, if her mom has been doing this crap her whole life, it might just seem like a normal thing to her and her views on it may be skewed, and two, we never see Octavia at these parties her mom is always throwing, so perhaps she doesn't witness a majority of what goes on between her parents. All she knows is that her dad did something to rock the boat to where her mother has gone from her usual bitchiness to EXTREME. But even in that episode, we don't see Octavia having any sort of attachment to her mom, she's more worried about her dad leaving.

I feel this season started off great and I'm hoping for episode 2 we'll get an episode from Blitz's POV from his childhood, his fall out with his family and Fiz, and what pushed him to steal the book from Stolas.

While we have been given plenty of reason to sympathize with Stolas, I don't think it's fair to trash on Blitz. He is an imp. The lowest of the low in Hell's hierarchy. Imagine being looked down on every single day of your existence. Imagine being pawned off by your own parent (even if it is only for a day) to some rando rich family. Imagine that your best friend is more valued by your parental figure than you are. Imagine that your life has essentially been one failed venture after another and you just want to make SOMETHING of yourself. That is what we know of Blitz. He HAS to be conniving, and scheming, and stoop to some extreme lows because that's the only way he feels someone of his station has the slightest chance to get anywhere. And it's not unrealistic to have doubts about the sincerity of Stolas' feelings for him when his own dad didn't give two shits and his best friend from childhood became a “sell-out jester”. Stolas has neglect issues, Blitz has abandonment issues.

I'm okay with Stella being portrayed as a mega-bitch, this isn't HER story and some characters only need to be one thing to help service the story. She still has great character design and I am actually curious to see just how far she's planning to take things now that Stolas has thrown her out of the house. I mean, obviously, her brother is getting involved somehow, but we'll see.

Feel free to add or comment! Just try to be civil, please. :)

#stolitz #stolas #blitzo #helluva boss #helluva octavia #stella goetia #season 2 episode 1 #spoilers

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boycrazybimbo · 9 months

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Hi again! I was the OG anon XD. Anyways, I hope ur doing well and all. Drink a cup of water and rest some- I know this may not apply to you, but still. :) Anyways, I came to rant again and get your honest opinion on WHB. Like, I don’t understand the part of being inclusive with male players. Don’t get me wrong, like, I’m fine with the game allowing male players, but that’s not exactly an Otome game, isn’t it? Like, its not actually targeted towards women, and it’s irritating that many fans make MC to be genderless… Like, it is an Otome game- Not a game “for everyone”. This isn’t offensive, but this will offend others. Like, come on. If prettybusy wanted a game for women, it should be for women- Sorry if I offend you, I just can’t shake this feeling off rn.

I agree with you. Here are things to consider:

The adult industry(pornography(hentai, games, etc.) is mostly male dominated. There’s a 2% chance that anything even remotely explicit will pertain to the female audience. Go check yourself. Visit your favorite site to watch adult content and you’ll only ever find things for males. Femboys for males, Lesbians for males, despite being lesbians, men fetishize them. Also, thus, there’s more gay porn for men than there is straight porn for women. It’s rare you’ll ever find porn female-centered.

Hentai games like What in “hell” is bad? always include male players. If it’s explicit, expect it to be for males, because apparently “more men watch porn”.

Hentai games, which are usually for males and are as proven many times, never include female players. You’re always playing this man who may or may not be an average joe, have a beer belly, may have dark skin or a blank face, or even a normal creep. Despite this, he manages to snag his harem of women by doing minimal tasks. Like… Umm… Hello? That’s not how women actually are- I would know as I am one myself and so are you.

So why are female-oriented games inclusive but male-oriented games aren’t?: There’s no explanation for that. Apparently making something for half the population, women, is seen as so inclusive that men can also be included. That’s not true, nor should it be. That’s basically a way of looking over women and catering to gay men. I find it odd how there’s more inclusion for gay men than women. Like, there’s definitely more women on this earth. That being said, that doesn’t help women at all. Like, if you cared so much about making things female-orientated, there shouldn’t be a male option to choose between. I don’t understand why prettybusy decided that to be best especially when their games “are for women”. Like, not really.

Making the MC neutral doesn’t contribute anything to female players, because if it actually were an otome game, and, as prettybusy said something along the lines of “We make MC’s face blank so others can relate more”, then making the MC female would definitely do the trick. If they clearly wanted female players to “relate to the MC”, then being genderless is not apart of that.

Other issues include:

The point of otome games are to raise and boost women’s confidence and self-worth. And creating an explicit otome games creates a bigger message: “A game for women that they can safely, unforgivably indulge in their desires and fantasies without being silenced”. This problem is still at large. Looking at pornography, women don’t receive foreplay, reassurance, or even viewed as humans sometimes. “Big butt latina”, “Petite asian chick”, “Hot ebony does […]”, “Sexy MILF”, “Curvy white chick”, “BBW does […]”… There’s a problem with all of these. They all either are (racist) stereotypes or unrealistic expectations.

“Petite asian”, “Big butt Latina” are either unrealistic or contributes to a beauty standard placed on women. Yes, it’s true many Asian women tend to be short and petite, but constantly putting labels like “petite” on them makes other women in comparison, usually blacks, appear more “masculine” or “unattractive”. “Big butt latinas” is a VERY high expectation of latin women. This doesn’t care about the well-being of the woman, but rather that assets she may or may not have. Women are more than butts.

Ebonies and BBWs: Ebonies isn’t a name I, as a black woman, would be comfortable of being called. The word ebony means black, which is a pretty stupid label to put on black women. Not all black women are dark-skinned and some aren’t even near the complexion of black. Secondly, saying Ebony meaning “black” emphasizes the skin tone of the individual. That’s fetishizing. Black women aren’t ebonies, they’re black women. People don’t call whites or Asians “ivory”, just mostly pale or fair. BBWs are beautiful, but mostly in porn they’re fetishized. Many people often associated BBWs as “curvy” or “voluptuous”. Not to say they aren’t, but that label doesn’t fit them since being “curvy” is defined as having either an hourglass figure, sometimes pear. Which means, that “curvy” women waists are supposedly small. Let’s just stick with what plus-size women since curvy only ever fetishizes them more.

MILFs: We all know the “step-son” in the porn isn’t a step-son. He’s just an actor in porn that he wants to live out his “taboo” fantasies. This is fairly the worst in my opinion. This is the most unrealistic, but not the worst one of expectations from women since, not every woman you see will be your step-mother-

In conclusion: Women don’t have much for them and are often shamed for their desires or fetishized. Female-oriented games should be for females.

#Otome what in”hell” is bad?#Otome #Otome games #Female-oriented #Female-orientated games #WHB?#What in “hell” is bad?#WHB opinions

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