#I just realised my mom finish working in 8 minutes so she’ll be home in 30 minutes

[khadijatries]

The End And Beginning- Ateez Fanfic

(Seonghwa x Y/N (Bibi)) 

(SONG REC: I’M SORRY- THE ROSE)

Bibi was hoping it would feel different when she saw his face. She’d hoped she flushed him out of her system by now.

 The Earth continued to spin. The stars they had watched together still glowed impossibly through the universe, just as they did then. She wanted to tell them to shut up. To beg them to disappear already because they were dead anyway. Why couldn’t they go quietly.

 Or maybe it was her feelings she was talking to. Because as she stood in the middle of the carpark, with her hands trembling from cold or emotion, tucked into her pockets, she felt like he was the answer. As though if she didn’t run to him right then, she would die.

 She tilted her head, hoping that maybe the different angle would provide new perspective on how she felt. That perhaps she was overreacting, and this situation was not all she felt like it was.

 Nope. Still handsome. Still painful.

 She wondered whether seeing him sitting alone on the speaker box, without the guitar he fine tuned before every performance, looking like more of a wreck than her, should have made her felt better.

Huffing out an ironic laugh, she concluded that she would have felt the same if he’d been sitting with all of his fangirls and laughing raucously, completely happy and satisfied.

 Sniffing away her tears, she reached out to him with glassy eyes and pretended to grab his tiny figure and put him in her pocket. She’ll keep this feeling, to remember the ache.

 A deep breath, a slow eyelid shutter, a pivot on her heels.

 She wouldn’t stay. Neither of them deserved that.

 But when the car door closed in a sort of finality she didn’t expect, her flood gates didn’t hold, and Bibi found herself sobbing into the image of her love, isolated from the world because of what they had done.

 And yet, all they had done, was fall in love and hope.

Seonghwa knew she was there.

He stayed impossibly still, his heart violently hammering inside his chest, sweat dripping down his brow from the effort it took not to get up and just go to her. Even if she didn’t accept it, he wanted to get on his knees and say, ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘Don’t go’.

 None of it would’ve made a difference since she’d made up her mind. They both did. He’d been part of that decision. It was never okay though.

 Not when the idea occurred to him. Not when he voiced his opinion to his best friend. Not when he told Bibi. Not when she’d agreed. Not when he walked away. Not when she didn’t answer his calls after his regret.

 At every turn his mind, body and soul screamed NO. WRONG. STOP.

 He looked down at his phone, at the picture of her eating ramyeon in the middle of the night outside her apartment. He called her that day to tell her that he would never let her go, even if she wanted to leave she couldn’t. She laughed and said she’d never want to. That was months ago.

 His grip tightened as the 2 minutes he expected her to stand in the crowd to attain her closure extended into 10 minutes. 15…

Once the clock his 8 30, he would go to her.

 But at 8 27, she turned on her heel and Seonghwa couldn’t help but leap after her, frantically searching for her car as the crowd grew thicker, and the concert began.

It didn’t take long to spot it, and her, with dark hair all that was in view as she shook and banged her head against the hooter.

 Seonghwa’s heart crumbled, and he did fall to his knees, clutching his chest, muttering apologies, telling her not to go, and desperately swallowing back all his despair.

 This distance and separation, besides being unusual for them, was too cruel. But Seonghwa promised that his desire to never let her go would never fade, and that ultimately he would be by her side again.

(SONG RED: ABYSS- JIN BTS)

The birds were talking again. Their incessant chirping was infuriating today, especially since they were talking about her.

  “Ah, the poor thing. She hasn’t moved an inch since yesterday.” Bird 1 said, watching her pitifully from its daily perch in front of her window. “I hope she finished the research she was busy with.”

 “As if.” Bird 2 scoffed, studying her dishevelled clothes, and unwashed hair. “Is she even still breathing? She hasn’t blinked since we got here.”

 Bibi blinked to reassure the birds and slumped deeper onto her desk.

 “Poor thing. This must be her first time.”

 “What do you mean ‘must be’? It shows that it is.”

 “Be nice! She’s going through a lot right now.”

 “YEAH BE NICE!” Bibi suddenly got up from her chair, the exhaustion finally getting to her, influencing her degree of delusion.

 Just then, the bedroom door shut, and she swivelled around in shock to see her mother standing quietly at the door like she was the one being caught in an insane rage.

 “Good morning.” She said sheepishly, approaching Bibi slowly, so as not to startle her already shaken child.

 Bibi slumped back into her chair. “What’s good about it?”

 Her mother sat at the edge of her bed and studied her quietly. She was worried, of course. Bibi had deep bags beneath her usually clear eyes, and her decisiveness was missing.

 “Its Monday.” Her mother said. “And I wanted to remind you that you have work today.”

 “I’ll call in sick.”

Her mother nodded, trusting that Bibi had a handle on whatever it is that was happening. “I also wanted to tell you that, although I love having you at home, and your dad is over the moon that you’re staying, we’re both a lot better now, so if you wanted to go back to your apartment, we’d be okay with it.”

 “I won’t go till dad is in the clear.” It wasn’t a lie, per say. It was the half truth that Bibi was using to convince herself that it was okay to hide here for a bit longer.

 “Okay. But if you need to talk about anything I’m here.” She got up to leave hesitantly, hoping Bibi would open up today, after 3 days of staying couped up in her room, not even eating.

 “Go to work, Mom, I’ll be fine.” She weakly convinced her mother. It was hard to believe it herself. Usually, she would at least put in an effort to make sure they wouldn’t worry about her, but that seemed like too much for her right then.

 After a firm hug and kiss on the cheek her mom left. She waited to hear her car start and then flopped back into bed.

 How did things that felt natural and easy just about a month ago feel like they could kill her to do them now. Smiling for her parents’ sake, even if she was completely exhausted or angry was never any effort. It killed her to think she couldn’t muster the will to care. Or even to bath, eat or sleep, let alone working.

Working….

She had a job. One she’d really wanted.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at her ceiling, Bibi gathered all the strength she had to get up, take a shower and get dressed into something remotely appropriate for work.

 With a heavy sigh, and wondering just what the hell she thought she was doing, she packed her unfinished research and case files into her bag that felt unnecessarily weighted. She descended the steps in a daze, grabbing a muffin and sitting at the kitchen counter, still deciding whether or not she should be a menace to society by living.

 It was easier said than done to focus her thoughts, when everything she saw, heard and smelled reminded her of him. He was everywhere, even without ever having been there. Even though he never sat at the kitchen counter at her parents’ house, he was somehow sitting across from her now with a very suggestive smile. The smile that got him anything he wanted.

 “Go away.” she said aloud, wishing he were actually there.

 She wasn’t sure if she would swipe everything off the counter and demand he kiss her, or have him in a headlock to choke the living breath out of him so that he would be really gone. Maybe he would haunt her then, and they could-

 “Rude.” He said, tilting his head.

 Bibi jumped back, off the stool, tripping on her way, but when she looked back up, he was gone. She frantically looked around the empty kitchen, and… on the other end of the counter was Kj.

 She was busy picking at her own muffin, unphased that Bibi was having a heart attack.

 “… When did you get here?”

 “Do you want me to pretend you weren’t talking to yourself about ways to murder someone?” She lifted her brows in question.

 Bibi was about to protest when she realised that was probably what she was doing. “Did… you hear anything else I was talking to myself about?”

 “What? Making out?” Kj teased. “Not if you didn’t want me to.”

 Bibi huffed out a half laugh, completely surprised herself. Kj paused, eyes wide and pointed at her in shock.

 “Did you just… laugh?” Kj grabbed her shoulders and studied her face. “Ohmygod, thank goodness. I thought I would have to make friends in the real world and I wouldn’t because I’m completely incapable of human interaction!”

 “And what am I?” Bibi protested, kind of feeling a sudden spike in her energy levels.

 “Oh you think you’re considered human? After starving yourself for 3 days? After ignoring my calls? After making me wait outside your door all night? You’re a stone cold bitch, my friend.” Kj spoke frankly, not allowing any of the intense concern she felt for her friend to show.

 “You were here? In the house?” Bibi didn’t think she was that far gone so as not to notice her presence.

 Kj only nodded and stared. Bibi could tell there were many things beneath this façade she was attempting to put up, that Kj wanted to ask. That her mother avoided asking her.

 “OKAY I CAN’T TAKE IT!” Kj burst after 2 whole seconds. “I might cry if you continue to give me this blank look.” She waved a hand in Bibi’s face. Let’s fix you.”

 Bibi swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, because she too, couldn’t stand her own blank stare, the endless tears and the painful fatigue. “I don’t want to stay this way either.” She admitted.

 “GOOD! But first you have to drive me to campus and get to work.” She declared, grabbing Bibi’s keys and heading to the car.

 Instead of plugging in their usual playlist, Kj waited for Bibi to start the car and pull out onto the road, then asked, hoping she would let her in after all this time. “Want to tell me what happened now?”

 “No.” Bibi replied instantly.

 “And why not, Bibi?” Kj was sure to lose her patience today. She didn’t like to push, but she was already angry at the world for putting her best friend in this position to begin with.

 “Because you would get unnecessarily angry and hurt for me, and one of us feeling shitty is quite enough.” Bibi justified, attempting to switch on the radio.

 Kj switched it off immediately. “Are you dumb?” She  looked at her blankly. “Do you just not want me to get mad and Seonghwa and beat his ass?”

 Bibi would’ve thought it was joke, and it would have been in any other circumstance, but Kj’s tone wasn’t a joking one. Frankly, she was growing redder by the second, and if she didn’t calm down she would combust. And most probably Seonghwa would get the brunt of it since they were on the same campus, and Bibi couldn’t be there to prevent it.

 “The only reason you wouldn’t tell me what was going on is if you thought I would try to do something about it.” Kj was right about that, to be fair. Why else would she not confide in the embodiment of confidante for her. “And that would mean that if you told me, and I did get angry, he did do something to get angry about.”

The longer she spoke about him, the more unstable and displaced Bibi felt.

“I didn’t even tell you anything and you’re on a warpath, trying to defend my honour.” She didn’t realise that she was going to shout, but she did, and soon, tears welled in her eyes. “He didn’t do anything wrong, Kj.”

 “Then why won’t you tell me what happened?!” Kj shouted back, her throat also growing thick with held back grief.

 “Because that’s my opinion! And yours might be different! Just leave him alone!”

 “If you think my opinion would be different, maybe your opinion is wrong!”

 Bibi pulled over at the entrance of the campus. “It’s over! That’s all you need to know.”

For the first time since they’d begun to shout at each other, the girls looked at each other. They were both dangerously on the brink of crying, brows crunched together and breathing heavily.

Bibi thought that if she continued to think about him, and remember him, she wouldn’t get through this day.

“I’m not angry that you don’t want to tell me what happened.” Kj confessed, still entirely too high strung to talk at a normal volume. “That’s fine. But I am angry that you’re not okay. I miss my friend and roommate. I miss you! I don’t give a shit about Seonghwa. I want you back!”

“Well I’m so sorry to disappoint you, Kj. I’m fucked up and broken, so teach yourself how to make new friends.”

 Kj was taken aback and sprang back like she’d been burned. That hurt, but it brought her anger back to a simmering state as she clenched her teeth and nodded. “You’re hurting.” She said quietly. “But you need to let me help you get through it.”

 “Go to campus and focus on your own life.” Bibi said, all too tired to continue listening. She didn’t even really know what words were being exchanged. Her head flopped against the steering wheel and when she looked up again, Kj was gone.

 She hoped against hope that Kj didn’t make anyone bleed today.

(SONG REC: BANG CHAN- I DONT WANT TO ADMIT)

 Seonghwa was standing by the tree for almost an hour now. At first he felt like he was incognito, ducking everytime he saw a silver car pull up, but now he just seemed like a creep, especially with more and more people arriving closer to class time.

 He had to be early since he had a few details of a performance to iron out with his band mates, or at least that's what he told himself.

 "Seonghwa, the level of stalker is increasing by the second." Wooyoung reminded him, for the 6th time that morning.

 Seonghwa's face heated up in embarrassment taking in his position once again. He was only comforted by Hongjoong giving their younger friend a smack on the head with a textbook.

 "Focus Wooyoung!" Hongjoong scolded Wooyoung, and continued to tutor him on the bench nearby. He, Seonghwa and Yeosang were the only members of their band who actually cared about their academics, but they always tried to 'encourage' and 'inspire' all of them.

 By that it means it most probably involved a textbook beating, or cutting them off from practicing.

 "How much longer are we waiting?" San asked from beside him, in plain view, casually leaning against the trunk.

 "San! Get back! She'll obviously see you!" Seonghwa chided, and shoved San back to the bench.

 "THERE SHE IS THERE SHE IS!" San pointed. Seonghwa whipped around, only to be disappointed at the youngers joke, accompanied by Wooyoungs laughter. 

 He cried out in frustration and was ready to beat them both up when he caught sight of her car himself.

 At that point, he forgot everything. There was only her.

 He didn't want to do anything but take 1 single look. That's all he could afford to take. He deserved nothing else. 

  He was taken out of his reverie when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

 He didn't want to take his attention away form her but they were very persistent.

 He turned around to find San worriedly pointing at a figure on the pathway, glaring right at him.

 Ah. He should have expected this. He was busy thinking about what a big asshole he was. 

 Kj only stared, however, and continued her run toward campus.

 "She does not look happy." Wooyoung quipped. "I would be careful of that one and her resources." 

  Yeosang wasn't the type to meddle in other people's relationships. But this band became more than 'other people' to him. He would help fix any of their shit in a heart beat. And that kind of scared him. But as he stood, and watched his hyung agonize over, frankly, a very precious gem of a human, a plan began to form in his mind. 

#Ateez Ateezfanfic Ateezfic Ateezseonghwa Seonghwa Hongjoong Mingi yeosang jonho Yunho San wooyoung #Seonghwa #Ateezfanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez angst #Seonghwaxreader #Hongjoong #Mingi #yeosang #Jongho #yunho #Wooyoung #San #ateez #ateezxreader #ateezangst #ateezfluff #kpop #kpopfanfic #park seonghwa

[stoppit-keepout]

when nobody is listening

Kissing prompt 8. Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand. (I realise most of the prompts are v romantic, but I listened to some Mountain Goats and couldn’t stop myself from writing sad things, oops. Title from Long Neck’s Rosy)

Heads-up: this is about Nile Freeman’s family dealing with death--hers and her father’s.

Tony has a few memories of Dad’s funeral. They have hard edges, and they shine through tears, crystalline.

Auntie Kai singing Amazing Grace, a red flower on her black dress. Mom pressing a kiss to his praying hands. “Come here,” collecting him roughly into her arms with Nile, God, Nile.

He’s not going to remember Nile’s funeral. He’s not going to go.

He tells Mom while she’s making a salad to go with dinner on Thursday. Auntie Kai dropped off lasagna and tried to stay, but Mom wasn’t ready to see her, see anyone yet, so it’s just the two of them.

“What do you mean ‘I can’t go,’ you got plans?” The retort comes fast, before she’s looked at him.

Mom’s always on the move--ADD, Nile calls it, though who knows for sure--and it’s only gotten worse since they got the news. Since Tuesday.

There’s a lot to do, she says when Tony asks if she wants breakfast, and she can see the TV from where I’m ironing, thanks, baby, you just watch your show, and she’s just going to call Father Willem to make sure everything’s set, but she’ll go to bed soon, she promises.

“I can’t,” he says. His grief presses a greedy hand across his throat, strangles the rest of what he’d wanted to say.

Mom knocks over the salad dressing. The plastic thunks when it hits the counter. “Baby,” she says, and she’s there.

Tony pushes his face into her shoulder, and her hands push against the back of his head too, hiding his twisting sobs in her at-home sweater. “I can’t, Mom, she’s gotta come back,” the words lurching out around his crying.

“Shh,” Mom says, and holds him tighter. “I’ve got you.” Her voice trembles so hard that it shakes the bones in Tony’s legs, and they’re folding, Mom slowing his fall, but both going down together.

“Who’s gonna keep me out of trouble now?” Tony doesn’t know if anyone but Mom would be able to understand the words, they’re so clawed-up from tears; he doesn’t know if they really make sense, but it was what they always said. Mom and Nile, keeping their boys out of trouble, but Dad’s dead, and then Nile enlisted, and now, and now--

Mom’s crying just as hard as Tony, now, but he can still hear her say, “She’s still watching out for you, baby, she always will.”

The lasagna doesn’t taste like anything, but at least the lid was on the salad dressing when it fell. Nothing spills.

Tony goes to the funeral and stares so hard at that stupid flag that it shows up, inverted, when he blinks.

-

Tony’s heart churns in pain that whole first month. It’s somehow even worse than when Dad died, because at least then, he and Nile had been a team. Mom took care of them, and they’d make sure she didn’t stay up alone. Nile always made their cousins take Tony, too, when they go out for bike rides, always let him tag along and play his music. Tony made sure that when Nile got mad, she didn’t get mad alone.

Mom’s not mad now. The closest she gets is when Tony gets detention for getting in a fight with some guy trying to get him to join JROTC--she descends upon his principal like an ice storm, and Tony doesn’t get a mark on his permanent record from the incident.

But mostly she’s sad, and Tony’s sad, and it’s new enough that he doesn’t have a clue what to do.

His friends start coming over to hang out. The Sunday after the funeral, they just show up, and from that point on it seems like someone’s always around--he can’t complain about it. They teach Mom to play Breath of the Wild on Jalen’s Switch, and they pull a jagged laugh from him when Mom tries to catch the giant horse.

When Auntie Kai finds out that Mom’s letting Tony’s friends come over and play video games, she practically moves in. “Let me take care of you,” Tony overhears her telling Mom one night, and the echo of Nile hits him so hard that he has to sit down right there in the hall.

Auntie Kai’s able to be around all the time because work is giving her some paid time off--something about a bunch of vacation days she needed to spend, though she also told Mom the days definitely hadn’t been there in December when she’d wanted time for Christmas. Tony’s dimly grateful for whatever glitch had hidden the vacation from her then, though, because it means now she’s here, and she can help.

They spend a lot of time in the kitchen, even though food still doesn’t taste right. Tony sleeps in Nile’s room sometimes and tries to tell himself she’s still there looking over him, like Dad.

It doesn’t get easier that Nile’s gone, but it gets easier for Tony to still be around.

-

He gets into U Chicago. He gets into a few other schools, too, and has a couple rejections he didn’t care to read, but he gets into U Chicago.

“You deserve it, you worked so hard,” Mom says. He picks her up off her feet in a hug, and she laughs, loud.

“Thanks for making me work,” he says. “And thanks for fixing my application essays.”

“Oh, for--” She’s grinning as she slaps at his arm, and he puts her down. “How many times do I have to tell you, I didn’t do that!”

Tony rolls his eyes, but he’s sure he’s still grinning like a fool. “Sure, Mom.”

“You need to give yourself credit, you earned every bit of this.”

Sure, he did, but he knows he’s never totally perfected the right ‘their/there/they’re/whatever,’ no matter how many times Nile had tried to explain it. He also has some proof that Mom went and fixed things even after she gave him her approval for his submission--when he’d checked the system the day after he’d uploaded his application, the PDF didn’t look quite the same as the one he had on his computer.

Mom probably doesn’t want to bring down the moment with reminders of what they’ve lost, so he doesn’t bust her for it just yet.

She’s his mom, though, so she sees the bite in his smile even without him saying anything. “They’re so proud of you,” she says, and gives him another hug. “I just know it.”

-

In a weird twist, one of Nile’s old friends is the TA for Tony’s object-oriented programming class. He hadn’t recognised her name on the syllabus, but when she walks into the tutorial saying, “Okay, students of MPCS 51410-B, please correct your syllabi because you are now in Sandra’s section,” her face and voice shove him abruptly back in time.

He’s eight and he’s threatening to tell on her and Nile for cutting gum out of Nile’s hair, he’s ten and he’s trying to convince Nile to let him watch horror movies with them, he’s twelve and got roped into taking pictures of her and Nile posing in Hallowe’en costumes.

She looks shaken when she sees him, then shakes it off.

He doesn’t know how to bring it up, but he goes to her office hours in the second week of class anyway. Before he goes in, he doesn’t really want to talk about Nile. He doesn’t want to cry, he doesn’t want to have to lie that it’s okay, he doesn’t want to listen while someone talks about Nile the way people talk about Dad. Like she’s gone. Like she’s over.

He goes in anyway.

“Tony,” Sandra says, and she’s not crying yet at least. “I’m so sorry.”

It ends up not being too bad. They talk about Java for a bit, because there’s an assignment coming up next week, and Sandra mentions she just got a grant to work on something about databases that Tony doesn’t totally follow yet (but he will).

He comes back a few more times. It eventually ends up being nice to trade stories back and forth with someone who knew Nile, and Nile’s drive, her sharp wit, her big heart. Tony learns again that Sandra and Nile had met on the first day of kindergarten, and that Nile had screamed when the teacher had tried to partner them up with different people in the second week of school.

“She always said she just knew, with me,” Sandra says like a badge of honour.

“She was like that,” Tony says. It settles, a small betrayal, in his ribs. She’s still like that, he silently, irrationally papers over.

--

“You coming today?” Mom asks. She’s already dressed for church, but she’s sitting half-on the chair in front of the computer, distractedly typing something into a comment box on Facebook. “I’m leaving in a minute, just have to do...” She trails off, her typing picking up tempo.

Tony doesn’t bother responding out loud, just ducks back to his room to change his shirt and goes to wait by the door for Mom to finish up.

“Okay, okay, we’re already late,” she says, grabbing her purse and rifling through it for her keys. “Is your sister already in the car?”

The words pounce on them both. Stillness, then explosive motion as Mom flinches, as she drops her purse and her little tin of breath mints bursts and scatters.

“Mom,” Tony says, and she’s already on her knees, gathering up her things. His knees thud on the floor, following to help.

“I’m sorry, it’s just--”

“I know,” he says, and he repeats it because Mom wasn’t looking the first time. “Mom, I know.”

“I didn’t forget,” Mom says, hands finally still, eyes meeting Tony’s. “I could never.”

“But it’s like she’s still here, right?” Mom blurs and glows in the tears filling Tony’s vision. “You feel it, too.”

That’s what tips Mom over into crying, too.

They’re late for church, but they still go.

Peace be with you, murmuring around them, and Mom holds his face in her hands and makes him bend so she can kiss him on the forehead, like she always does.

Communion, and prayer. Please protect Mom, and bless the whole family, and let me get through finals okay. Tony prays the way he’s been praying for almost a year now: to God, and to Nile.

Mom’s kneeling beside him, her shoulder against his, and he crosses himself when his thoughts have smoothed out. Mom catches his hand in a tight grip as he’s lowering it; they hold on to each other.

#the old guard fic #nile freeman #nile freeman's family #the old guard #cw: death #mourning #grieving #i realised like 900 words in that the age difference between Nile and Tony doesn't necessarily make perfect chronological sense #(it sorta presupposes a smaller age gap for when their dad died but then he's still in high school while she's on her tour? oops) #but you know what maybe in movie canon nile is actually in her early 20's when she dies #and then i can have her brother be in high school without him having been like. a toddler when their dad died. #PROBLEM SOLVED #maybe #... #flippant tags to distract from emotions #ficbit #posting in the middle of the night and queueing a daytime reblog: the way i'm apparently doing things now

[seriestrash]

The List - Chapter Five

- 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -

Summary: It’s summer vacation and TJ and Cyrus fill their days checking things of Cyrus’ list.

Read on AO3

Chapter Five: Overnight  - PART ONE

Word Count: 3892

It’s been two days since Cyrus' impromptu rollerskating lesson with TJ and Walker. Today Cyrus is spending some quality time with his dad and stepmother whilst TJ is occupied with some of his basketball friends. 

Cyrus is currently out to lunch with his parents at some fancy vegan restaurant even though none of them embrace that lifestyle full-time. Cyrus is poking at the chickpeas in his salad when his phone buzzes. Normally his parents would scold this but his father and stepmother were too engaged in their own conversation to notice him pull his cell out of his pocket.

Cyrus’ smile widens when he sees it’s a text message from TJ. 

Cyrus laughs quietly to himself at TJ’s broken heart emoji reply. 

“What’s got you so happy?” Sharon coaxes her head with a raised brow. 

“Nothing.” Cyrus says defensively, “It’s just TJ.” 

“Oh, TJ,” Sharon bops her head, “He’s the tall one you’ve been spending time with?”

“Yep.” Cyrus laughs nervously and he’s not entirely sure why. “He’s babysitting his brother and sister tonight and asked if I wanted to stay over. Is that okay?” 

“A sleepover?” Cyrus’ father, Norman poses it like a question, “You haven’t had a sleepover with a friend since the girls were little.” 

“Thanks for the reminder, dad.” Cyrus mumbles to himself and he reflects on the time he became aware that boy/girl sleepovers were not considered normal and it ultimately making him feel like the odd one out in their friendship. 

“Well I don’t see why not.” Norman nods with a smile, “You be sure to thank his parents when you see them and extend the same offer to TJ. I can’t speak for your mom and Todd but I’m sure he’s just as welcome at their house anytime.” 

Cyrus finishes up with his parents and goes home to pack an overnight bag before Sharon gives him a lift to TJ’s apartment building. 

Cyrus had been here before, depending on what they were doing for the day it was quicker for Cyrus to walk by TJ’s apartment first when leaving from - or going home to - his mom’s house but it was a bit further from his dad’s. Although he’d been here before Cyrus had never actually been inside which wasn’t too odd to Cyrus because TJ had only popped inside Cyrus’ house a couple times when hanging out, to use the bathroom or grab a drink quickly before they moved on to whatever activity they had planned next. 

Although they had gotten comfortable with each other over the end of the school year and a lot closer in the first few weeks of summer the two had never had a sleepover before and it was making Cyrus anxious. He hadn’t had a sleepover - other than the occasional cousin sleepover during family gatherings -  since he was 10 years old and even back then it was with his two female best friends. Cyrus didn’t know what to expect from a boys night, especially since he knew he didn’t favour a lot of ‘typical’ male interests. This was evident at how out of place Cyrus could feel when trying to impress Jonah. 

Cyrus stands out front of the building and texts TJ to let him know he’s waiting downstairs but after a few minutes pass and his text goes unanswered, Cyrus steps up to the intercom and calls the room listed under Kippen. 

A woman Cyrus assumes is TJ’s mother answers, Cyrus had never actually met TJ’s parents despite TJ having met all four of his at either his bash mitzvah or in passing during one of the times they’ve hung out over the summer. 

Cyrus makes his way up to the second floor and wraps his knuckles on the door that reads ‘2A’.  A little girl answers, Cyrus knows this to be TJ’s little sister as he had seen TJ tagged in a photo with his younger siblings on facebook. 

“Hi, I’m Cyrus.” He smiles at her, “TJ’s friend.” 

“Katie, you’re not supposed to answer the door.” A woman comes jogging into view. 

“You said he could come up.” She refers to the intercom call. 

“You’re still not supposed to open the door.” She says firmly and Cyrus sensed the woman was a little frazzled over something. “Now go tell you brother, Cyrus is here.” 

With a pout she runs off down the hall. TJ’s mother turns to Cyrus with a wide smile and introduces herself as Tess before leading him towards the kitchen. She’s speaking quickly as they walk but Cyrus managed to decipher what she was talking about. Tess was expressing how it was nice to finally meet Cyrus after hearing so much about him, especially over the summer. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Kippen.” Cyrus returns the sentiment politely. 

“It’s Ms. and Tess is just fine thank you.” She corrects kindly. 

Cyrus smiles and nods. He didn’t know TJ’s parent’s weren't together but after thinking about it for a moment Cyrus realised TJ didn’t talk about his family much at all and when he did, he didn’t talk about his father ever. 

“Sorry I’m in a bit of a rush to get ready for work.” Tess apologises. 

“That’s alright.” Cyrus hovers by as she flits around the kitchen and he was quietly hoping TJ would surface soon. 

“Junior!” Tess calls out for TJ and Cyrus lets the faintest laugh escape before he stifles it quickly. “He’s always got his headphones on.” Tess turns to Cyrus with a sigh. 

Katie skips into the kitchen and Tess gives her attention to the young girl, “Katie I thought I asked you to get TJ?” 

“You told me to tell my brother Cyrus is here, so I told Cooper.” She laughs devilishly and Cyrus cracks a smile at this. 

“Take Cyrus to TJ’s room please,” Tess lets out a deflated breath. 

Katie grabs Cyrus’ hand and drags him down the hall, the gesture made Cyrus’ heart ache with cuteness overload. 

Katie barges into TJ’s room without knocking and Cyrus is dragged along in the process. 

“Teej, your friend is here!” Katie says loudly and she drops her hold of Cyrus’ hand. 

A very surprised TJ flicks the headphones off his ears and stops whatever he was doing at his desk. “Cyrus?”

Cyrus is confused by the sight for a second, TJ was at his desk, a mess of loose papers scattered across it, rounded glasses perched up high on the bridge of his nose. All Cyrus can respond with is, “You wear glasses?” 

“No.” TJ sheepishly plucks them from his face and throws them at the desk.

“He does.” Katie says and TJ tells her to scram. 

“There’s nothing wrong with wearing glasses.” Cyrus says once they’re alone, “I just had no idea you wore them.” 

“That’s because I wear contacts in public.” TJ mumbles. 

Cyrus picks up the frames from TJ’s desk and holds them close to his eyes, the blurred vision it gave Cyrus was like an instant headache, “Oh my god.” Cyrus chuckles as he puts them back down, “Can you even see right now without these?” He laughs. 

TJ folds his arms like an embarrassed child. Even though TJ knew Cyrus wasn’t making fun of him, he was still shy about it. “You got here quickly.” 

“It’s been two hours since you texted me.” Cyrus states. 

“Really?” TJ looks at the time on his phone and his missed text from Cyrus earlier pops up.

“Your mom let me up.” Cyrus smiles. 

“Sorry, I guess I got caught up with my studying.” TJ apologises. 

“Studying in summer?” Cyrus questions. 

“I see a special tutor once a week for my dyscalculia, it’s supposed to help me catch up before school starts again.” TJ is sheepish. 

Cyrus smiles encouragingly and he genuinely felt proud that TJ was working with his learning disability rather than fighting against it. 

“You can put your bag down wherever,” TJ stands from his desk chair.

Cyrus drops his overnight bag from his shoulder and places it by the bunkbed in the room. 

“I have to share a room with Cooper since Katie’s going to be a girl one day and want her privacy.” TJ rolls his eyes. 

“She’s not a girl now?” Cyrus looks confused. 

“She’s 7 and still wants to hang around her brothers all the time.” TJ laughs, “She didn’t even want to stop sharing a room with Coop but mom says she’ll change her mind soon enough.” 

“If it’s anything like Buffy and Andi, she’ll be about 10.” Cyrus says mindlessly as he looks around TJ’s room, taking in the surroundings. “That’s when their parents got weird about our friendship.” Cyrus’ gaze lands back on TJ. 

“I know it’s kinda small but we can hang in the living room tonight once the twins go to bed.” TJ smiles weakly. He was doing that thing where you talk down what you have because you’re embarrassed and Cyrus didn’t like that very much at all. 

“I like it.” Cyrus says with a smile. It was a small room with a single bunkbed pressed against one wall, a desk on the other side of the room by the door and a bookshelf opposite the closet. The little details were what caught Cyrus’ eye. The mesh of TJ’s stuff with Cooper’s. Some were immediately easier to differentiate and others not so much. Like the sports memorabilia, Cyrus assumed it belonged to TJ, along with the shelf of trophies and ribbons from basketball and other athletic accomplishments whilst a few scattered toys seemed to belong to Cooper. It was a few comic and science themed things that didn’t immediately make sense to Cyrus. 

“Teej.” Tess’s voice bellows from the kitchen and TJ motions for them to go find out what she wants. 

Once in the kitchen the two boys plant themselves on a bench stool each and Tess announces that she’s leaving. Cyrus immediately notices the scrubs she’s changed into. It makes Cyrus remember something TJ had said casually in conversation about his mother being a nurse. 

“You know the drill, if you go out the kids go with you, no further than the park and in before sun down.” Tess looks to TJ. 

“Yes mom, I know.” TJ nods. 

“And lights out by 8.” Tess gently wiggles her finger in front of her sons face, “Last night you kept them both up after 10.” 

“Which on of them ratted on me?” TJ glares. 

“Neither of them had to. They both slept in later than me and I’m the one working overnights.” Tess gives him a knowing look. “Now, I left money for pizza in the top drawer and there is a few extra dollars for one side.”

“Got it.” TJ nods and watches his mother flit about the room in a rush, “You’re running late you better hurry.”

“Keys?” Tess looks to him as she pats her non existent pockets. 

"Vegetable drawer in the fridge.” TJ says casually although Cyrus understandably registers this as odd. 

“Katie.” Tess says with a sigh as she retrieves her car keys from exactly where TJ said they’d be. 

“She likes to hide things,” TJ turns to Cyrus with an explanation, “I saw her put them in there after lunch.” 

Cyrus lets out a quiet chuckle and a few questions about that came to mind, like for starters, why? Also, why didn’t TJ take them out if he saw her put them there?

“Oh, and remember to sort out your dirty laundry,” Tess says as she slings her handbag over her shoulder, “I’ve been asking for two days now, Junior!”

“Mom.” TJ lets out an embarrassed grumble. 

“Sorry, Teej.” Tess smiles sympathetically. 

“Want to embarrass me anymore in front of my friend or are you ready to go to work now?” TJ tries to fake being angry at his mom but his efforts are fooled with a sweet smile. 

Tess challenges TJ’s remark and gives him a big smooch on the cheek. Immediately TJ wipes at where she marked him. 

“And take a shower, you smell terrible.” Tess says with a crinkled nose. 

“Mom!” TJ gives her a look, this time he wasn't smiling. 

“Okay, okay, I’m going,” Tess laughs, “Cyrus, it was lovely to meet you, sorry I’m such a hurry.” 

“That’s alright Ms- Uh- Tess,” Cyrus corrects himself with a smile, “Have a nice night at work.” 

Tess finally leaves after popping her head into the living room to say see you later to the twins. 

“She’s such a mess when she gets called in for extra shifts.” TJ shakes his head with a chuckle. He stands from his stool and goes to the fridge. 

"I like her,” Cyrus says positively, “With my accident prone ways I think having a nurse for a parent would be far more beneficial than four shrink parents,” Cyrus half jokes, “All that does is make me think I’m crazy.” 

TJ closes the fridge with a quiet chuckle. “I bet it makes you analyse other people a lot too.” 

Cyrus tosses his head from side to side, “True.. but I’m almost never right with my assumptions.” 

“Scary basketball guy.” TJ motions to himself before he retrieves two glasses from an overhead cupboard and proceeds to pour them both a juice. 

“Exactly.” Cyrus laughs softly.

“Oh and for the record,” TJ pushes one glass towards Cyrus, “ ‘Junior’, doesn’t leave this room. I hate when my mom calls me that.” 

Cyrus bites down on a smile, “It’s funny because of how tall you are.” Cyrus chuckles. “I mean I knew the ‘J’ in your name stood for Junior but you don’t look like a Junior to me. It doesn’t fit.”

“How’d you know it stood for that?” TJ questions. 

“I found it in the yearbook.” Cyrus recalls stumbling upon it when searching for Buffy’s crush. 

TJ lets out a groan. “I forgot they put my full name in there.”  

“Now ‘Teej’ on the other hand,” Cyrus takes a sip from his glass, “I like that a lot more, I’m going to start using it.” 

TJ crinkles his nose at Cyrus’ affirmation although he does not protest against it. 

“So I was looking at the list earlier and I thought of a few things we could check off it.” TJ says after skulling his entire glass of juice in one go.

“Tonight?” Cyrus questions. 

“Yeah, why not be productive with this babysitting session,” TJ laughs. “It’ll be fun.” 

“Okay, what tasks?” Cyrus asks. 

“Make a basket, watch a scary movie and stay up for 24 hours.” TJ lists. 

Cyrus curls his facial expression into pure dread. “That doesn’t sound fun.” 

“Too bad.” TJ does his signature pout and smirk combo, “You’ve been avoiding ‘make a basket’ since I added it to the list last week.”

“Yeah but wasn’t laser tag so much more fun instead?” Cyrus deflects. 

“It was pretty fun,” TJ admits but he shakes his head and returns to his point, “There is a court behind the building, I say we go now whilst it’s still light out.”

Reluctantly Cyrus agrees and TJ goes to the living room to round up his siblings. 

“Come on we’re going down to the court.” TJ instructs. 

Katie happily jumps up from her place on the sofa whilst Cooper seemed even more reluctant about the idea than Cyrus. 

“Do I have to come?” Cooper mumbles and it was evident he was uncomfortable around Cyrus.

“Last time I went downstairs and left you up here alone you set the kitchen on fire and mom grounded me for a week.” TJ folds his arms. 

“I didn’t mean to.” Cooper says quietly and admits defeat quickly. Cooper leaves to get a book to take down and TJ leans into Cyrus to make sure his brother didn’t hear him when he explained that Cooper was really shy. 

After TJ retrieves a basketball, the four make their way downstairs and out onto the small court behind TJ’s apartment building, it was late afternoon but there is still plenty of sun left for the day. Katie and Cooper sit on a bench seat by the court together whilst TJ takes the lead with this active task from the list. 

TJ playfully dribbles the ball around Cyrus and makes a basket whilst Cyrus turns his body to follow TJ and remains firm that his ability on the court was embarrassing. 

“You make it look so easy.” Cyrus folds his arms as TJ retrieves the ball, “I hate that.” 

TJ pretends to hand the ball to Cyrus but turns quickly and makes another shot instead. 

“Now you’re just showing off.” Cyrus glares. 

“I was already showing off before.” TJ shrugs with a smirk. 

“Okay we get it, you’re the basketball guy,” Cyrus waves his hands about, “Now are you going to teach me or what?” 

“Yes Sir.” TJ laughs at Cyrus’ mood swing. 

TJ uses his basketball captain ways to teach Cyrus a little technique with his stance and hold of the ball before moving on to tips for the actual throw itself. 

Cyrus fails a few times, they’re horrible attempts at first but he did manage to get a little better. Although he was getting better, TJ could tell Cyrus lacked enthusiasm about this particular task. Even though he was not enthusiastic, the boys still had their usual amount of fun with it. 

Cyrus breaks his failed attempts to show TJ how he likes to shoot basketballs, where he stands under the net and throws it up but it comes back down and smacks him in the face. 

“Underdog are you okay?” TJ winces and jogs over to his friend. 

“Yeah I’m fine,” Cyrus gently rubs his nose where the ball collided, “I don’t even throw the ball hard enough to injure myself.” 

“You make not being hurt sound like a bad thing.” 

“At least I’d know then that I was making progress.” Cyrus sighs. 

“You are making progress.” TJ assures as he slaps a hand to Cyrus’ shoulder, “You’ve got it this time, I can feel it.” TJ says as he picks up the ball and hands it to Cyrus. “Deep breath, I believe in you.” 

“Do I have to?” Cyrus pouts. 

“Last try for the day, I promise.” TJ says, “If you don’t make this one we’ll try again another day.” 

Cyrus is doubtful but takes the ball and goes to the free throw line. If failing one more time was all he had to do to stop for the day, then he might as well get it over with. 

Cyrus pauses and looks to TJ who has gone over with the twins. Katie seemed enthralled in his efforts whilst Cooper didn’t lift his gaze from his book. TJ holds Cyrus’ eye contact and nods encouragingly. 

Cyrus holds the ball out in front of himself and takes a deep breath. You got this...

“You can do it, Cyrus!” Katie cheers encouragingly and Cyrus sends her a thankful smile before turning his attention back to the hoop.

With another deep breath, Cyrus moves himself into position like TJ had showed him. Then he counts back from three in his head and throws the ball. Cyrus watches as it effortlessly falls through the hoop.

“Can we go inside no-” Cyrus stops once he processes what just happened. 

Katie is squealing with glee and TJ has a huge grin plastered on his face whilst his arms are thrown up in the air excitedly. Even Cooper wore a hint of an impressed expression on his face. 

“Did I just?” Cyrus turns to TJ. 

“You did it!” TJ rushes over to him. 

“I did it.” Cyrus laughs in disbelief. 

After a moment of celebration TJ jokingly suggests they play a little one on one.

“I wanna play!” Katie is with them and she jumps up and down. 

“You two can play, I need to quit whilst I’m ahead.” Cyrus laughs. 

“Boo!” Katie whines and TJ mimics with a cute ‘boo’ of his own. 

“Fine,” Cyrus gives in quickly, “But we’re going to need someone else to play so we’re even teams.” 

The three standing on the court turn their gazes to Cooper who is looking at them with confusion. 

“No way.” Cooper mumbles almost too quiet for them to hear from where they stand. 

“Come on, Coop, it’ll be fun.” TJ says. 

“Yeah, Coop, please?” Katie begs. 

“You can be on my team.” Cyrus smiles, “I know that’s an unconvincing argument but I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Cyrus covers his mouth on the side closest to TJ, as if he were actually telling a secret but he speaks at his usual volume, “TJ lets me win a lot.” 

“I do not!” TJ says defensively. 

“You do so,” Cyrus laughs, “You think it will make me feel better about sucking at everything.” 

“You don’t suck at everything, you just don’t even try sometimes.” TJ folds his arms. 

"You still let me win to boost my confidence.” Cyrus smiles. 

“Well I’m certainly not going easy on you with this game.” TJ states. “Winner gets to choose the side we order for dinner.” 

“Oo, high stakes!” Cyrus wriggles his brows as he turns back to Cooper, “What do you say?” 

Cooper still looks a little reluctant but agrees with a quiet sigh. Once they’re all ready to play TJ declares that the first to three wins. 

A goofy game gets underway and plenty of standard rules were broken, one of them was the way Katie just runs with the ball. At one point Cyrus noticed TJ purposely fumble his catch so Cooper could get a go with the ball. The two older boys exchange a look after this, Cyrus’ was knowing like he was right about TJ letting them win and TJ just innocently shrugs and pretends like he didnt know why Cyrus was looking at him.  

Once Katie gets the ball again, TJ picks her up and sits her on his shoulders so she can make a basket. 

“That’s cheating!” Cooper exclaims, by this point in the game he had loosened up. 

“Nu-uh,” TJ says in a childish way. “This is no rules basketball!” 

Cyrus looks like they’ve been dealt a great injustice before realising he can cleverly use this to his advantage, “If I spin around three times really fast and touch my toes that’s worth infinity points and ends the game early.” Cyrus does just as he mentioned and excitedly exclaims, “Game over we win!” Cyrus turns to Cooper excitedly with a high-five. 

“You’re no fun.” TJ laughs and Katie, still on TJ’s shoulders folds her arms in a huff. 

“No, I’m just smarter and evidently a better basketball player.” Cyrus jokes and he stretches down to touch his toes again. “Double infinity points to us.” 

TJ rolls his eyes with a smile, “Okay kids lets hit the showers,” TJ claps his hands together and points up towards their building.

TJ looks to Cyrus with a smile slowly creeping wider on his face. Cyrus coaxes his head with a sigh as he anticipated what TJ was about to say next. 

“I’ll race ya!” TJ bounces on his toes before quickly racing towards the building, Katie and Coop following his fast lead. 

“Stop making me run all the time!” Cyrus whines as he lags behind the Kippen kids. 

[Next Chapter]

End Notes: Thanks to everyone who left me comments on the last chapter! This story is being so positively received and it’s sooo lovely for me! Thank you so much!

#tyrus #andi mack #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #the list fic #tyrus fic

[omgpoindexter]

imagine on Valentine's Day,,aka Derek Malik Nurse's (loml) birthday, and everyone is super focused on their SO (Derek isn't mad, he's used to it) he goes the whole day thinking everyone forgot until he gets invited over to the haus for team dinner and is surprised w a birthday party, and this boy is so overwhelmed he's like lowkey almost in tears. he asks who planned it and everyone looks at dex, who had the date circled w hearts all year. This is pre-relationship but they're Screwed

this is the cutest prompt ever and it jumped right to the top of my list ooops hehe. this starts off kind of boring because nursey’s day also starts off boring, so stick in there lmao. i liked writing this a lot, so enjoy!

“Do you think roses are okay?” Chowder asks from the couch, where he’s lying down staring at the ceiling, throwing Nursey’s eraser up into the air and catching it repeatedly. “Too cliche?”

Nursey smiles and shakes his head, but doesn’t stop writing. “Roses sound perfect, C. She’ll love them.”

The room falls silent and Nursey scribbles down some more notes in his essay plan. He’s sitting cross legged by the coffee table with his notebooks spread over it, three empty mugs resting on a copy of King Lear.

“How about chocolates?” Chowder says again after a minute.

Nursey sighs and drops his pen onto his notes. “Chris.”

“Yes?” Chowder catches the eraser and sits up. 

“You could buy Farmer literally anything for Valentine’s Day and she’d love it,” Nursey says earnestly.

Chowder grins. “Thanks, Nursey,” he says and vaults over the back of the couch. “I’m off to get some roses. Be back in ten!”

“Should I be fining you for this?” Nursey laughs. Chowder just sticks his tongue out and skips out of the door backwards.

Nursey sighs to himself once Chowder has left and picks his pen back up.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. The Samwell campus has been swamped with hearts and red streamers for at least a fortnight. Valentine’s Day has never been Nursey’s favourite holiday, mostly because it falls on his birthday.

Bitty’s voice drifts from the kitchen, his conversation rife with pet names. Nursey smiles to himself. He assumes that fines don’t really count on a day dedicated entirely to romance. 

Nursey wakes up on his birthday to his phone ringing and several birthday messages from friends back home. He chats to his moms as he makes his way to the Haus at 09:00.

“Happy birthday, bro,” Whiskey shouts at him on his way out of the door, clutching a bouquet of flowers and seemingly in quite a bit of a hurry.

“Thanks!” Nursey yells at his retreating back.

“Good morning, Nursey!” Bitty sings as he walks into the kitchen. “Happy birthday! I’m off and I think most people have gone out, but there’s some breakfast in the oven just heatin’ up.”

Nursey blinks at him. “Oh,” he says. “Alright.”

His phone buzzes again his pocket and he pulls it out to check the screen. 

Dex: Happy birthday, Nurse! Have a good day

Dex: I’ll probably see you later.

Nursey smiles to himself, replying with a quick thank you and shoving it back into his pocket. For some reason his heart beats twice as fast as usual but he ignores it in favour of making his way over to the oven.

He pulls his breakfast from the oven, walks into the lounge and takes a seat on the couch. He turns on the TV and settles on watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Then, he sinks low on the couch and sighs.

For some reason, he’d thought this birthday would be different. His moms both worked every year, so they’d give him his presents and quickly get in the car before 8:30, leaving Nursey to spend his birthday at school. 

Samwell had been different. The hockey team are a new kind of family; even at Andover the hockey team were nowhere near as close. He’d been expecting something a bit less underwhelming for his birthday this year.

“Just you and me today, then,” he says to his breakfast.

But then he finishes his breakfast and his day sucks again. He sighs deeply and stretches himself out on the sofa, his mind drifting to the pile of schoolwork on his desk.

“Well, I’ve got nothing better to do,” he says to Andy Samberg before switching off the television.

The same evening, Nursey’s phone buzzes again on his desk, waking him up. He lifts his head up from his desk and holds his phone up to check the screen. 

Bitty: complusory haus team dinner, ten minutes :)

Nursey groans. Despite the members of Samwell Men’s Hockey being some of the best friends he’s ever had, he’s not feeling particularly friendly after spending the entire day with this nose in his textbooks, by himself.

He shoves his shoes and sweatshirt on anyway. It’s probably about a million dollars in the Sin Bin for missing a Haus dinner. 

When Nursey opens the Haus door, the building is uncharacteristically silent. 

“Bits?” he yells. Nothing.

“…Dex?” he tries after a moment, ignoring the way his heart speeds up.

Somebody giggles, and Nursey frowns. The kitchen door is never closed, but for some reason today he’s finding out what it looks like. He grabs the door handle and twists it.

“Happy birthday!”

Nursey lets out a yell of surprise and claps his hand over his mouth.

The entirety of the hockey team, plus Lardo, Farmer, Jack and Shitty, are gathered around the table, on which sits a birthday cake with sparklers alight.

Tears prick his eyes.

Never before in his life has Nursey had a group of friends that cared this much, so much that they would choose him over their significant others. Chowder and Farmer were even here together, despite Chowder being so excited about his Valentine’s Day date rest and constantly telling the rest of the team about it. 

“Is he crying?” Ransom whispers very loudly, pausing mid-banner wave.

“Nurse…” Dex says uncertainly, “are you okay?”

Nursey nods as his tears start to spill over. “Yeah,” he says hoarsely.

“Aww, Nursey, honey!” Bitty croons, making his way over to Nursey with his arms open wide. Nursey steps into his embrace and begins to cry properly as the rest of the team join in for a group hug.

“Thank you guys, so much,” he says. “Really. Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before. I love you all.”

More awwing and crooning follows his words, and Nursey finds a plate shoved into his hands with the famous Haus dinner. 

“It’s Dex you should thank, Nursey,” Shitty says with a wink as Jack hands him a plate. “He planned all this.”

Nursey blushes; somehow, Shitty always knows what Nursey’s thinking, so he of course knows about Nursey’s growing crush on Dex. Nursey ignores him.

But when everyone’s getting their plates, chatting and laughing amongst themselves, Nursey approaches Dex with flushed cheeks and a grin.

“Thank you so much, Dex,” he says, hoping he sounds at least half as chill as he’s trying to be. “I mean it. I didn’t realise I was worth all this.”

Dex scoffs and grins back. “Of course you are. Happy birthday, Nursey.”

Nursey’s insides light up and if he spends the rest of the night looking at Dex in some sort of enraptured adoration, nobody mentions it. They definitely notice, though.

send me a prompt!

#this was fuuuuuun #i got into it #anyways #nurseydex #nurseydex prompts #my writing #omgcp #check please

[yoohyeontual]

I’m such in a bad mood I don’t know what to do today 🙃

#I just realised my mom finish working in 8 minutes so she’ll be home in 30 minutes #and I start playing Pokémon snap #but like I’m zero in the mood unlike yesterday and I couldn’t play for long 😭 #I’m just so tired of waiting but I don’t wanna annoy her #cause if I push to far I know it will scare her #I don’t wanna look desperate even tho that’s basically what I am #it been like a week almost she definitely had a day off between that so does she dosen’t want to see me ???? or is she just busy ????? #and I’m going crazy for no reason we’ll For reason but I should really stop stressing so much #if y’all talk to me and i may sound like bored I’m not I’m just not super expressive cause of my mood cksbjxbsjd #but I all love you #if she see that Hi I’m sorry cnskndksns #alex.txt #do not reblog

[tehnakki]

I keep experiencing Schroedinger's dad.  The quantum state of never knowing if my dad is alive or dead until an observation is made.

I went to Egypt for the Xmas holiday. It was a last minute trip that ended up being incredible. But I chose to go there rather than home because I knew I'd be home soon enough because my dad was dying. Is dying. Has been dying since he was diagnosed with cancer in September, and since he first got sick in June.

My mother has a hard time getting to the point when she needs to break bad news to me. She always gives me a play by play of every moment leading up to the moment she realised what was happening before she says the news. So every phone call, I'm stuck judging from the sound of her voice, the quaver of her breaths if this is the 10min summary that will end with "and he died."

I finally told a co-worker my dad had cancer in late September, 3 weeks after my mom called to tell me dad had returned from a short trip to California to see his relatives.  He hadn’t been keeping any food down, his skin was yellow and his eyes were jaundiced. His sister’s daughter had stolen his credit card and used it to buy a flight (he didn’t know this, mom found out when she got a purchase notification), and my brother’s bracelet had also disappeared from his bag (assumed to be the same lighthanded niece). Oh and they were seeing an oncologist on Monday because he has cancer.

I held it together at work until the information in mom’s nightly phone calls about doctors and surgeries and appointments repeated in excruciating but confused details got to be too much.  I’d spent most of those two weeks crying in the bathroom and taking 3 times as long to get any work done, so I finally told my co-worker. He was shocked and a little upset he hadn't noticed how upset I’d been. Within an hour I had permission to head home for as much time as I needed (I selected 1 month… because I had Harry Potter tickets in London and wanted to be back at the end of October for that.)

I spent 30 days at home from September to October.  Dad was mostly lucid but mom was incredible stressed out. Within a week I was in control of their estate planning and by the end of week two I had trusts in place, living wills, powers of attorney, medical bills taken care of.  And dad was confused but happy. We snuck out of the house for trips to Alberstons and Sam’s club to buy more ice cream (the only thing he was eating), and he pulled one of his gags were he kept directing me to drive in circles until I figured out he was fucking with me.  He couldn’t sit through Star Wars anymore without falling asleep, but we got mostly through Force Awakens. But he was still my dad, just a little more closed mouthed, and unable to articulate why he so desperately wanted a surgery that had only 25% success rate. Mom was adamantly against the surgery, but dad wanted it and all his doctors were pushing for it so it was scheduled for November 1st, 4 days after I’d leave for the UK.

I was on a train platform in London when I talked to mom next after flying back to Glasgow.  It was a rambly WhatsApp message. She told me about how annoying the pre-surgery procedures were at the hospital. The liquid dad had to drink, the nurses who kept failing to coordinate between the hospital and his doctor. And finally that the procedure had failed. That the cancer had already spread from his bile duct to his liver and couldn’t be operated on. That his gall bladder had been full of cancer and was removed. He’d be at the hospital for a week, and then a rehab facility for two weeks and then back home.

Over the course of November mom and I talked a lot about the “next steps”. His doctors were pushing for a radiation/chemo therapy to shrink the tumors. Mom and I (and slowly my brother Josh) were against, we saw no point in dragging this out. And dad… Dad’s dementia had gone from mild confusion in June to beyond awful in November.  He ended up getting kicked out of the rehab facility he was in because he kept wandering the halls at night “stealing” from rooms and leaving the stuff he found in different places. He’d find a place to sit on the wrong floor and ask every person going by how to get home. They couldn’t handle him so they sent him to emergency care at a different hospital and didn’t tell my mom til she showed up to the rehab to see him the next morning.

And in early December as I was walking home from grocery shopping mom put me on the phone with dad and he didn’t know who I was. He thought I was one of his sisters, and from California. I sat down on the street in glasgow and started sobbing. Mom took the phone back and when she realised how upset I was she talked to him for a few moments and when he got back on the phone it was him again “I’m so sorry sweetie. I’m so sorry. I could never forget you. I love you. How can I make this up to you. I’d do anything to make this up to you.”

When dad and I hang up the phone on each other we always say: “I love you” “I love you more” “I love you mostest!”

He didn’t say that this time.

Two weeks later I was in Giza, riding a camel, seeing the pyramids and temples that we’d planned to see together since I was a little girl.  And on the first day of the trip one of my fellow tourists had to cut his trip earlier. His father had died. He had to go home.

We were arriving at the Valley of the Kings when I found out Carrie Fisher died.  That was hard to take.

Mom and I had an agreement, if dad died she wouldn't tell me till I called from Amsterdam on my way back. No matter what, he wouldn’t die (for me) while I was on my trip.  I had a short connection so I rushed to the gate before calling, in case I forgot to keep walking while she talked. She started by asking about my trip, talking about the couple of pictures I posted, the camels that I rode. Boarding process had stared at the gate before we got to the update on dad: he was sicker, wasn’t keeping much down, the dementia was much worse. He wasn’t remembering where the bathroom was, and he kept peeing against the wall of his room.  “But he’s ok, we watched Gunsmoke all yesterday.”

I had a weeks reprieve, to catch up on work and only quick calls from mom, about how dad was doing.  On Friday when I was leaving work at 2000 she called to tell me another nauseating story of failed bodily functions only to finish with that she had to call hospice care earlier that day and they were coming to evaluate him in the morning.

Saturday was a rambling WhatsApp message about hospice bringing a bed over and a day nurse being assigned, but nothing about my dad's status.

Sunday I didn't call. I was too stressed about balancing my workload for the next quarter with an impeding sense of doom that my planned trip home February 8th was too late.

Monday morning I told my team captain that I felt awful doing this to the team, but I was going to probably need to fly out on the next week or so and try to work from home (a continent away) earlier than planned (cutting my quarters work weeks from 8 to closer to 5). He was incredibly understanding but I still felt awful I was bailing on the team. I ended up forgetting my phone at my desk for a large part of the day, and I was prepping a satellite for a morning test, so it wasn't until 2130 I even picked up my phone and there was a phonecall from mom 2 hours earlier.

Schroedinger's dad.

I locked up the office and started walking home. I called her.

This time the recount started from Friday. Her calling their GP, getting the hospice called. The confusion with orders being sent to the wrong place, her having to call the GPs wife back because the hospice didn’t have his records. The nurse (who was very sweet) who evaluated him, the young men who showed up an hour later and with no complaint hauled all the junk out of his office first before putting in the bed and equipment.  The lovely young woman who came by every morning to deliver the days supply of morphine.  The nurse who came to help him get out of bed this morning and held his hands as she looked to mom and said “He’s in a coma. He can hear us. But he’s in a coma now.”

I told her I’d be flying back tomorrow and I got off the phone to buy a plane ticket, and figured out how to get to the airport in Edinburgh, because it had a flight that would arrive 4 hours before the soonest Glasgow flight. I told my roommate as I was heading back to the office to print tickets and grab chargers.  She asked why I wasn’t crying, “I have too much to get done to cry right now.”

I got back home and started packing and called mom back.  She said, she told dad he has to hang on for another day since I’d be coming home. And that she’ll hold the phone to his ear so I could talk to him.

The woosh of an oxygen mask or a ventilator came on and I burst out laughing “Daddy! You sound like Darth Vader. Don’t go out like Anakin did. That was not a good way to go.  I love you. I’ll be home tomorrow.” The woosh of his breathing in my ear for few seconds, and then my mom took the phone back.

I didn’t sleep that night. I packed for a bit, and then watched Netflix for four hours, and then finished packing just in time to call an uber to head to the train station. I got to the airport two hours early, and finished watching netflix while drinking a coffee. The first flight was really great, I had a row to myself so I lay down, put some music on, and slept for almost the full 7 hours. Getting up to request a meal a bit late and colour in my ODY-C colouring book. The flight attendant loved the book and sat down to page through it while I ate. I left him a note with the book name and isbn when we disembarked in NYC.

I had forgotten to bring my US sim card with me, so I sat at the gate and texted mom: “I grabbed the wrong wallet last night so don’t have my at&t simcard. I’m in JFK, flight leaves in an hour. Lands at 7:50pm terminal 1 and I have a checked bag”

Mom: “Ok will see you soon Love you”

Schroedinger’s dad.

The second flight was awful. I was next to a toddler throwing a tantrum and a mother who was to done to stop him.  I watched my favourite scenes of all 7 star wars movies while blasting Hamilton as loud as my headphones could make it.

At LAS I used the airport wifi to call mom, she was parked in the short term parking.

We never park.  In the 15+ years we’ve been flying into LAS, we always do a driveby pickup.

I grab my bag and walk out there, my brother meets me at the walkway and hugs my tight. He never comes to pick me up at the airport. It’s always just mom or dad.

Mom’s waiting in the car and she gives me a hug, but she isn’t crying. We stop at In-N-Out. Because we always stop at In-N-Out.

Stepping into the house is like every single time I’ve come home. Other than the pile of office supplies sitting in the living room that normally is in dad’s office. I walk far enough into the house that when I turn my head I can see into the office with my peripheral vision. His office is empty.

My father David Johnson: pilot, engineer, the best dad a nerdy, awkward brown girl could have asked for died early Tuesday morning while I was over the Atlantic.

Schoredinger’s dad.  The box is open. His state has been observed.