#I just want them to be friends alrwady | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mishapen-dear · 5 months

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OH. okay so normally i dont touch discourse with a 20 ft pole, but this has been niggling at my brain tonight and i finally realized why

the people who are mad at qbbh for the memory loss and “dodging consequences” dont understand that he doesnt want to dodge consequences. Like they cant know that, they werent focused on him when he was literally feeding himself to the soul vultures and planning his eventual imprisonment and also. The Many Many Many hints he made towards suicide/sacrifice/Just Fucking Dying.

ccbbh is a subtle roleplayer, he’s been building this shit up for two whole months- it was day FIVE of the eggs going missing that he resolved to do whatever it took (hurting his friends) to get the eggs back. It was day three that he followed in dapper’s footsteps and started feeding himself to the soul vultures (and gaining a Massive headwound beneath his hood in the process- you can only see it if you go on namemc and remove the layers). He’s got impaired judgement. Even the memory issues arent a new thing- i cant remember exactly when they started, but one of the first big moments i remmeber was september 30th where he spent an hour falling into a delusional frenzy searching his base for cameras that he forgot he asked aypierre to plant.

The super murder of purgatory and the memory loss afterwards probably all feels very sudden for people who havent been following his story, but as someone who has been- all of this has been true to character. The only cheap swings he’s made have been combat-based in purgatory, and even the motive for those was built up in rp.

People are calling for consequences, but he has alrwady been experiencing self-inflicted consequences for months. The blue on his usual outfit is blood. This recent memory loss isnt a restart to get away with the atrocities - it is yet another consequence of his egg-protecting complexes and the ways he punishes himself for failing them.

he is NOT a moral character. he’s a demon hiding in plain site. he has eaten people. he has killed people. he understands the cruelty of his actions, and the consequences of them for the loved ones of his victims. but it matters when that harm is being done to his loved ones. he’ll still do it, because he will do anything for the eggs, but it matters, and that means that he has already started the process of self-inflicting those much-demanded consequences

#anyone who isnt a qbbh makn please extend some sympathy for us. our guy is being misunderstood again #so if people seem twitchier than usual that probbaly plays a factor #but if it ever gets annoying be rest assured he is doing his very best to train us in media literacy #and also the block and filter buttons are your friends #and qbbh mains join me in the genuinely freeing revelation that they have just. strawmanned him yet again #i feel like youve gotta be able to understand a character to truly hate them #and no one (not even us oh my fucking god) really understand him #and thus the vitrol means nothing and i am free of all woes #anyway tho genuinely if you want to know more about this cube im willing to talk about him #i have Credentials #one of my posts was dono’d to the cc almost word for word and he called me a know it all #qsmp #qsmp badboyhalo #discourse #<- mentioned #an interestinf discussion could be had too about xyz character Deserving xyz thing #and really people in general Deserving xyz thing #but i think that is a wasp nest i dont know enough about to join swatting #i ngeed. to go to bed

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prettypupp · 4 months

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i dont understand dating rules and it makes it so difficult to actually feel confident and sure when i do want to date people bevause the rules just dont make sense

i fall in love with people im friends with for a while so a lot of dating rules dont make sense to me. the weird "you need to know these things 6 months into your relationship" questions i alrwady knew within the first week of knowing them before we even started dating because we were friends and they were just regular topics!

honestly what is a "talking stage"? people have tried describing it to me but its just... being friends? yeah theres an end goal but youre literally just friends??

and i just found out about the "honeymoon phase" where after 4 months you just stop loving them because you realize they have flaws?? were you not friends before dating?? shouldnt you know this already?? theyre a person of course theyre going to have flaws youve been together for 4 months how did you not notice it until now??

and im supposed to follow these weird rules that make zero sense? why???

#im so confused i hate dating i hate dating rules theyre so stupid #dating rules #weird dating rules #queer #trans #ftm #t4t #mdni #prettypupp thoughts

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chainedtothedarkness · 1 year

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im sick of feeling so stupidly heartbroken though like literally i already knew everything and i knew im not what they want at all so lije can i please fuckingvBreaking and Shattering any tine u see them talk about what they Do want

im literally unlovable , everyone deseeves someone healthy and alive, theres nothing here for anyone. loving me would be literal torture. idk why it hurts so bad fjjfjf maybe its too soon after realizing wietse isnt coming back? is that twice the proof of how unsuitable and inadequate i am?? maybe. its make sensebig but its ridiculous the sheer physical pain i feel at everyrhing the say jxhdhd like yeah dorry im not a woman and not pretty and not sexy and not healthy and not anazing and not cool and not strong and not nearby and literally nor anything good, just hope you do find what you want someday yknow

meanwhile ive long acceptwd my fate jdjdfjdj i alrwady knew id never be loved romantically long term around 2010, i literally gave up on love back then (much to monica feeling upset every time i shot down any notion of ever having a bf in the future), wierse was literally an exception to the rule and ive also only become more and more fucked up as time has gone, im not going to trust anyone that way after this past year lmfao

that person is an exception thwnselves bx theyve kniwn me while everything has happened and gottwn it all firsthand, im not going to open up abt all this ever again lmao

plus even current "close" friends i hardly trust most of them fjjfj pm wveryone has betrayed my trust and hurt me at some point or another so i never feel Safe with them

and thats my requirwment to fall lmfao i have to bevable to Trust and feel Safe

so in short a romantic relationship is never gonna happen after this lmao not with my endless trauma and teust issues and demiromantic nature

not to mention the sheer hell of knowing me and caring about me jfjfjf no one deserves that burden either

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edatheowlbitch · 2 years

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Hunter: I don’t think we can Mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way out of it this time fellas

Amity: *cracks nuckels*

Amity: Manslaughter it is

#God #I just want them to be friends alrwady #already #gaypride #the owl house #toh #eda the owl lady #eda the owl mom #the owl house hunter #amity owl house #hooty hoot hoo

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pepprs · 4 years

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im losing it abt my classes and i just need to complain abt it somewhere cuz no one is replying to my emails and im stressed

my image and text class that i had the presentation for a few weeks back (that i turned in 4 hrs late after starting it last minute LOL) is fine im just waiting on a grade on it and then i have a project due in 3 weeks but itll b fun and im not worried.. i gotta make a comic and then write abt what’s going on in it so it should be fine

i have an essay for my british culture course due on wed morning and im going fucking crazy i can’t get myself to work on it at all and i don’t want to write it. the whole class got ruined cuz we had to go home and the entire course was supposed to be just field trips all around south england that we’d write abt at the end but when this happened they just were like lol just read these articles instead and like i don’t wanna do research abt the places we woulda gone it’s just not fair and it makes me upset and also i can’t read. ik it’s only 1500 words that’s basically nothing but it counts for my entire grade and i just have no energy and nothing to give

im uhhhh withdrawing from my creative curiosity class. or i decided i would and my advisor agrees w my decision but idk how to actually withdraw and im scared to tell my prof 🥴 but that class only met once a week and it got even more fucked up by corona cuz the prof was like lol we aren’t having class meetings anymore and ur on ur own and the class was already so vague anyway and like.. we have a final project due NEZT tues that’s like an entire semesters worth of research and i haven’t even started and idk how to like. Function in british academic settings anyway so im just fucking giving up lol. im changing my major anyway which means im not graduating on time and i can do w/e i want cuz im making my own degree plan and i would rather take a class i know what im doing in and can stay invested / supported w rather than accept credit for like.. a shitty art project i don’t care abt anymore and couldn’t cuz of all of this u know? but yeah it’s very bad

#it just sucks sooooo much like i actually tly enjoyed my classes when i eas in brighton and if this hadnt happened i know i woulda put 100%#into them and i woulda had all the support and focus and whatever i needed and now everythings on fire. the time difference suuuuucks the #culture gap suuuucks and idk who to ask for help my school there or my school jere and like. i just wanna drop everything and say fuck it #and also we had strikes while we were there so classes were fucked alrwady and now this!!!! but even tho i didnt rly put a lot of time into #my classes i just.. i feel bad cuz i paid a lot dor all of this and to withdraw just feels so .. AUGHHH but also this is a global pandemic #and im losing my fucking mind and i need to do what feels right for me. and i cant afford to not do this wssay but the creative curiosity #thing i just ... i gotta get out of that. gotta jump ship. the only things that class gave me were a) the best friend i made in brighton and #b) a lot of great opportunities to actually go to the city campus and do shit there but.. idk it did nothing else and im fine wjrh that i ha #have to be fine with that. hate this hatw all of this just want may 22nd to come and go so i can be done w classes and then june 7 so i can #finlaly turn off the voice in my jead reminding me im not supposed to be here yet and then i can put it behind me and get closure #its so fuckj sad. i lnow everyones gone over how sad it is for everyone 3836827483 times but. it wasnt supposed to happen this way. it wasnt #brighton #covid19 #purrs

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vaporsnake · 3 years

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i really don't like mgs4 either lol i really wish it could have just focused on solid snake tbh. don't get me wrong i love big boss and raiden, but like, why were they there? their stories have already been told

fr mgs4 just did every single thing wrong FIRST OF ALL. THE PATRIOTS BEING MGS3 CAST. WHO CAME UP WITH THAT truly it does not make sense on so many levels like its out of character, they had no believable motivation for it either, and it does NOT work thematically.. i dont buy it luv i just dont like i just know they needed a TWIST REVEAL and all the other characters were taken. like i said it also makes 0 sense thematically it wdve worked better if the patriots remained faceless........weeeelllllll me being salty about this is in part due to this making paramedic my beloved evil yes but it is sincerely out of character for all three of them to be in on it. like come on. you played mgs3 you know what i mean.

SECOND OF ALL EVA RETELLING THE EVENTS OF MGS3. SHE GETS IT WRONG. LIKE SHE LITERALLY. DOES NOT ACCURATELY SAY WHAT HAPPENED THIS PART WAS KIND OF HYSTERICAL ACTUALLY...... LIKE BABY THAT WAS JUST LAST GAME HOW DID YOU ALREADY FORGET WHAT YOU WROTE.

and what u said HONESTLY YEAH. why did big boss need to be here. yes he is my favorite little war criminal but just let my old man rest in hell???? he dieded???? he dead?????? dont bring him back <\3 yes the final scene he has with david is cute but only out of context. also fucking...major zero being there and john is all "this man caused the war". no mf it was both of you ?!?!?!?!? what are you on?!?¿°¿

and raiden fucking.... RAIDEN. him being in this game literally, LITERALLY erases his entire arc from his previous game. it just makes it. entirely irrelevant it does... but okay sure fucking whatever. why is he a cyborg now. dont answer i know why. irs because people complained he looked gay last game ...so they changed him. rip my little gay looking raiden forever in my heart.

also microwave scene. i said this like FOUR TIMES ALRWADY ON THIS BLOG BUT SNAKE LITCH OF RALLY DIDNT HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE MICROWAVE EVEN IF HE DIDNT WANT RAIDEN TO GO . OTACONS STUPID FUXKING ROBOT SURVIVED THIS SJIT JUST FINE AND COULDVE JUST DID THE MISSION. BUT LIKW. FUCKING WHATEVER AT THIS POINT I HATE MGS4. and rhe scene dirextly after the microwave when theyre sbskdjdj NAOMI IS DYING and theyre facetiming otacon. its. the most ridiculous out of tone sxene in the whole franchise like i truly CANNOT handle it i know mgs is all purposefully campy and dumb but you can tell this scene was nnnot meant to be read as this stupid. actually i hate naomi in this game in general nothing she does makes sense i STILL DONT KNOW why she deactivared the nanomachines that kwpt her from DYING FROM LITERAL CANCER bababsbdb also. wheres that post thats like why did naomi have to undress snake and cry over his body cuz hes old that was so mean. because its. true like why did she do that like imagine you saw your work friend for the first time in a while and they were like "take off your shirt". and then you did and they broke down in tears saying like "oh my god youre so shitty and old i cant take it" like i wouls just kill myself at this point.

this reminds me. isnt this the game which introduced rhe concept of snake aging fast as fuck. like correxr me if im wrong but they didnt say that before ??? right ???? yeah thats stupid as well like why would they do that. if the patriots made him. why would they think this would stop him from defecting in any way at all the only thing it does is make him a worse soldier WHEN HE WAS LITERALLY MADE TO BE A SOLDIER.

meryl marries johnny sasaki.

i hate metal gear.

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lizzodorito · 4 years

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quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically, but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with.

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

#me

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commanderkurama · 5 years

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It’s not leeching my man, that’s what parallels are? Links between one thing and another to show the similarities. Also please don’t tell me you think cishet is a slur or something. ‘sides, I don’t think many bb shippers think bs was never romantic, just that it’s not romantic anymore. The cishet dudes also work with a crew that has many wlw on it, so that argument seems redundant to me too

They’re reaches is what they are, because you eliminate key context that differentiates the actual romantic tone of the het ships from what BB actually gets. Ren and Nora were alone and the handhold was done for sole sake of physical contact, and they alrwady have a history where Nora has suspiciously specific denial of them being a couple which makes her feelings for him flagrant, and she reacts by placing her head on his shoulder. BB have a handhold to ease Yangs PSTD shakes and stand together against Adam’s taunts, and again in comfort after Adam’s killed, joined by Ruby no less, surrounded by the rest of the squad.

Its one hell of a reach, silly and desperate to claim Eclipse isn’t romantic anymore just because Sun went to Vacuo and Yang is back. There was nothing within their interactions in the Menagerie arc to suggest their relationship is a negative impact, in fact Blake comes to thank Sun for being as stubborn as he is in trying to help. You’re so desperate to place him in a “friendzone” category to get him out of the way you lose sight of the fact that yes, they ARE friends in that they aren’t officially a couple yet, but nowhere does that mean they don’t have a mutual romantic interest which has been established as such explicitly from Volume 3 the moment Blake blushes at his wink and point (this is if you don’t take her going with him to the dance in Vol 2 as evidence enough). Because guess what, Blake and Yang are friends too and not together either but that ain’t stopping yall from swearing they’re in love despite having much less actual tangible evidence. What they went through in Menagerie only makes their relationship stronger, it makes for a better love story BECAUSE Sun isn’t doing it for sole purpose of winning her over but because he’s just a genuine dude that looks out for the people he cares for whether they want his help or not and Blake comes to be so used to his presence she’s reluctant to let him leave. They go through all the typical romantic “meet the parents” tropes imaginable but we’re meant to believe its all one big red herring and the moment he has time away from Blake and Yang is back, despite the baggage in their friendship alone, that this is where the actual intended romance is despite their inability to actually deal with their internal conflict upfront? Nah just brush it aside until they gotta stand up against Adam and they can “fall in love” while Blake is dealing with the grief of his death.

This is where we get to the actual context of Sun’s “it was never about that”: he wasn’t going to try to take advantage of Blake’s vulnerability while she’s busy trying to reconcile with her parents, stop the white fang, and ultimately reconnect with her team and deal with what they find out about the whole Salem/relic situation, by making it about them getting together. At the same time we see that Blake warms up to him greatly in spite of him not aggressively pursuing her. But yall turn around and use that to try to write him off and in the same breath make Blake’s grief over Adam as a springboard for her and Yang to realize love for each other after a half assed reunion and just barely reconciling their friendship, using “representation matters” to fluff it all up. Its hypocritical.

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kathyorihara · 6 years

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Faking

I've been thinking lately and I realized I should of gotten help in the 7th gade. I look back on it and I always see it as a 7th grade phase cuz everyone in 7th grade goes through an emoish phase from what I know. In 7th grade I was constantly fearing that my mom would send me away to mental instetution cuz she always "joked" that she was. Cuz I didn't know what anxiety was or how to explain it and she will also say "are you menatlly challenged? Do you want people to believe you are? Are you sure you're not autistic?". I would constantly dream of me dying and a few of me killing my friends in 9th grade. I supressed the thoughts of dying for a while I wasn't ok I just pushed my feelings down. When I got my bunny I was happy but he didn't like me much my sister's did a little bit. My mom convinced me to get one but she hated it. She hated that they chewed cables, pooped so much despite having litter boxxes that she got rid of and I cleaned each time, she hated that they would run away despite me saying to put up things to prevent it until she finally did it. Then despite my warnings she made them outside buns with the rats and rat poison. One of their babbies died after eating rat poison in front of them later they suffered the same faith. She tried to save them by giving them human medicine since it was all we could do. In the end they bith died first mine then my sister's. My sister cried and so did I but I didn't show it since every time I cry in this family I get called a crybaby. I blame my mom for them dying I tried all I could to tell her it was a bad idea then they died. I was depressed for a while but no one notices. Then my dog came along he makes me happy even if he does get on my nerves sometimes. My mom has threatened to get rid of both before because no one but me takes them out to pee so I can't control when they do or don't go if I am unabailable. Lately I've been having small break downs. Whenever my mom insults my appearance or says something about the things I do I'll go into a secluded room and cry a bit and yell under my breathe. I'll keep dreaming of me committing suicide and the only ones showing up are my friends ir me finally standing up for myself but I can never do either. For now the only thing keeping me alive is my dogs and my friends. I can't do anything right I have such low confidence in myself mixed with my anxiety (which doesn't even need a diagnosis since it's so high but I probably do need it for medication) and possible now depression. I don't like talking to others about my problems sometimes cuz I feel concieded doing so and so many other thing have happened with my mom that she basically makes me think she hates me and that I'm only here cuz my dad got her pregnant at 19 and where I'm from is anti abortion. But then she acts nice to me or gets in my head that I'm in the wrong. Somehow she has my sisters on her side for the longest time I hated my 2nd sister and prefered my 3rd sister. Cuz she reminde me so much of my mom and she would follow along with her insults and the only time my mom stopped her was when she said it front of my friend. My mom only cares about image it seems to me. She made me go buy a new outfit today to wear after we got out of the store only because the clothes I was wearing before made me look "bad" we were going to a Chinese Buffett. She says I look homeless when I just go out in comfy clothes or like a slob. She legit will put on make up to go down the street to the convinence store. I tried to dribe today with her and it sucked but of course my sister takes her side. I have to call the tax people for her tomorrow cuz some how that's my responsibility. I alrwady have problems but she makes them worse so my mind constantly jumps to options suicide or move out quickly withouth her knowing so running away. Sorry for derailing but I needed to vent this out somehow ciz I always feel like I'm faking being like this constantly.

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go-twinkiepebbles-posts-blog · 5 years

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Reign will Remain

What will choose Power or Love? In the city of San Diego California there are two Family who are running for the Position of being dutchess and duke who will rule the city. The family of Miller and Stark, The Miller family are only in the middle class but try to be in the higher position while the Stark family are the riches in the whole city they are well known and popular. Stark family are already in 6 years sitting in position because it is like the culture of their family. In year 2000 when it is the last term of the Stark family because their Grandmother and Grandfather are killed by unknown people. The one who killed them are Miller family because they are the only who are angry with the Stark family because the Miller family wants the throne. Athena Miller a brilliant, kind and have fair skin toned. Athena loves going outside with her friends .One day while Athena and her friends are walking around the city they saw a boy who is little bit older to her the friends of Athena on the boy who passed by because that boy is Leonard Miller a tall, brave and kind. Leonard is from the Miller and his family killed the grandparents of Athena Stark. The year passed Athena was already growing up and have a matured mind she is curious of everything. One day the Stark family have a meeting in their conference room Athena then is not allowed to enter and listen on the meeting. Athena was boring waiting outside the likewise Athena was curious at all. So she lean on the door and listen what they are talking and what is the meeting is all about. Athena was shock on what she heard so Athena run and go outside. While Athena was outside Leonard passed by in their house.

Leonard approach Athena and said "What are you doing outside Athena you look upset and stack up”?

Athena said "Hmm....nothing Leonard"

Leonard said "Ah okay if you have problem just tell and it will stay between us okay? Bye!

Athena is still confused and overthink on what she heard I need a person who can say my problem and Athena remembered Leonard and said to herself I think Leonard was a good man and probably he will listen about my problem and secrets but Athena don't know where to find Leonard. So Athena call her friends and asked where is the house of Leonard is located and her friends say to her. Athena run and upon reaching the house of Leonard was located she opened the door without knocking on it, Athena was shocked on what she saw Leonard was taking a bath and the bathroom was not closed.

So Athena shouted "Oh i'm sorry leonard"

Leonard laugh very loud and said it's okay Athena next time better know how to knock by the way just wait me at the sala.

Athena was tired waiting so she roam around and she saw a letter and read what is that letter and while reading she saw the name of her grandparents and the surname of their family. Leonard was already done taking the bath so Athena just threw the letter and never mind about that letter.

Leonard asked Athena "What’s bring you here”?

Athena replied uhm i just to with you that’s why i came here just to open up something and i think you will listen and can be the trusted person.

Leonard ahhh okay i can be your friend and you can say everything that you want to say Athena

Athena replied thank you Leonard

Leonard replied welcome my beloved beautiful lady

Athena was shocked what? beloved?

Leonard said no i'm just kidding i want you to make you smile.

Athena replied Oh it's okay i was shocked sorry

but here I will say what is my problem these passed few days my family are so busy talking each other on the conference and they don't want me to enter and listen to the conference room. Thats why i lean on door and hear what they talking until i heard that

"Athena will be the next dutchess of our family she will hold the power and authority to rule the whole San Diego and she will be have a big part on the mana that our grandparents leave to us."

That is my problem Leonard. I'm bothered i don't know what are dukes and dutchess are and what is they are saying that I will be ruling the whole san Diego? Leonard was speechless you better knew first the whole detailed Athena. Leonard asked something to Athena.

Athena are you the granddaughter of the family of Stark? Leonard said

Yes, Leonard why?

Nothing Athena have you already saw your grandparents before? Leonard asked

No, since I was a kid I did not met them my family said someone kill them because thos family wants the throne. Athena replied

Ah ok Leonard replied

The next day Leonard texted Athena because Leonard was bored at home so she invited Athena to hang out outside.

Leonard message Athena are you free to day?

Athena replied yes why?

Leonard said let’s hang out I will treat you I will wait you outside your house

After hanging out outside Athena wants to go home already so Leonard already accompany Athena to their house because it is already evening and late. While walking Leonard asked Athena have you been in a relationship before?

Athena was very shock but Athena answered not yet but i have many crush .

Leonard laugh so loud and said seriously athena?

Athena said yes why? is there something wrong for not having a relationship?

Leonard reply oh nothing sorry never mind Athena.

Oh were are already here Thank you for this day next time again leonard athena said

Leonard reply Okay Goodnight and I loveyou Athena as a friend Athena

Leonard smiled together and Athena already go inside the house. In the morning Athena and her family where complete in the dining room and have a breakfast , while having a breakfast the aunt of Athena have something to say "Hey Everyone i have something to all of you the next dutch of country will be in our family it is Athena the next who will rule the whole San Diego!" Athena was shock on what she heard. Athena said to her aunt what? Me?

The aunt of Athena said you will the next female leader who will the country follow the footstep of our grandparents, because till now the person who kill your grandparents are still in the process they still cannot find the person of interest.

Athena what?said but i'm still young, i don't know how to handle that and how will i find that suspect?

Aunt just find and be aware to the people around you don’t trust people now a days and by the way don’t marry a low class man okay?

Athena go outside meanwhile and think if she will going to accept that or not while thinking Leonard visits Athena

Leonard said Hey!Athena what are you doing there it seems you have problem again

Athena replied yes i have i don't know if i will run to the position for being a duchess of our country because they said to till now the suspects are not yet arrested and my grandparents need a justice for that.

Leonard replied oh! okay wait Athena can i ask something

Athena replied what is that Leonard?

For example if my family killed your grandparents will you be angry to me?

Hmmm of course why did you asked that question Athena replied

Leonard asked again can i court you?

Athena was shock on the question and run inside the room and leave Leonard outside the house.

Athena go to her room and the aunt of Athena is there and asked her.

Athena is there something wrong my dear?

Hmm Yes someone have wants to court but i run and leave him outside because i don't know what to answer and I’m still young auntie for that but… Athena replied

The aunt of Athena said okay dear if you are already comfortable and you see that guy is serious just give him a chance but remember what we said to you cannot fall in love with the low class family invite that person in dinner time we want to know him.

Athena run and go to the house of Leonard and knock at the door. Leonard opened the door and say what are you doing here? your answer to my question is yes? A

Athena replied No my family want to meet you so come with me hurry up!

In the dinner party the family of Athena are already complete Athena and Leonard were alrwady sitting. While eating the uncle of Athena asked Leonard.

What is your name?

I am Leonard Miller sir

What? Miller the family who killed our parents go out we don’t need lower class and killer family go out!!!! Said the uncle

Athena was shocked and what she heard and followed Leonard.

Hey Leonard do you know everything what they are saying?

Yes Athena but I don’t know anything about that because I’m still young when that happened I’m sorry Athena forgive me. And I will reveal my secret my family wants to court you because they want to be next duke of the family.

Athena slapped at Leonard I just want say these final words Leonard I allow you to court me and say that on this day but I already changed my mind I will accept the challenge and be the next who will rule the country your family will be payback on what they did to my grandparents.

Years passed Athena ruled the whole San Diego and the family of Leonard the accusation is on process in the court. Athena make the right decision she use her mind not her heart.

#ShortStory

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