#I just... I didn't expect this to be a mommy issues day but those posts on my dash really brought it up in me lmao

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Short replies! As many as I can write in 30 minutes! Let’s goooooooooo

Anonymous asked:

Deuce should have put a ring on his mom if he didn't want anyone to flirt with her. she's free for picking

Yeah, by the time Deuce figures it out there’s going to be a line of people who want to put a ring on his mom, and I stand in this line too.

Anonymous asked:

Which anime characters do you love drawing the most?

This is such a difficult question to answer, I can’t pick 😭 Pretty much every title that we watch or read or play has a bunch of characters that I adore drawing, but I guess I gravitate towards characters with long hair and unusual hairstyles or outfits?? I also feel the urge to try to draw a character when they are out of my comfort zone, which doesn’t mean that I always do it or good at it, but I always have fun drawing stuff in a different art style (like the guys from Scott Pilgrim),with complicated outfits (like Barok van Zieks) or with mechanic parts (like Ortho!)… but the last one is pretty recent, I just noticed that I kind of enjoy drawing it. I guess I love a challenge? In a way? It’s just more fun that way.

By my comfort type of character and a default option would be a gloomy boy/girl in a hoody, my heart is always smiling whenever I draw this type.

Examples of some of my faves throughout the years (without twst): Levi (SnK), Ainosuke (sk8), Killua (HxH), Shiroba (DMMD), Apollo Justice (AA), Geto (JJK)… this is just a few of them.

I also still think that Prussia from Hetalia is our ultimate boy because I’ve been drawing him for about 15 years now lol

Anonymous asked:

Omg, your boob post,bless u... What would Riddle think of her childhood friend having those honkers though?? (Also, her burying her face in those tits or fondling them with curiosity lol)

Ahh thank you so much, Anon!! <3

I still giggle every time I think about how we ended up with poor Riddle being surrounded by busty girls, I swear it wasn’t intentional. But the more I think about it, the funnier and more Freudian it gets… what an aggressive way to heal mommy issues and an acute deficiency of tight hugs.

To answer your question, I think Riddle was kind of surprised when she saw Trey after being separated because she didn’t think boobs could get that big. Logically yes, it makes sense, but seeing it in person is different. Riddle always does her best to be proper and act like a lady, but I can imagine her eyes sliding down all the time during their first conversation. Trey would absolutely notice…

Riddle is indeed very curious, and it’s pretty obvious, but she would never talk about it or even ask to touch Trey’s boobs, but maybe one day… you know, for science… or Trey is just going to offer it herself lol save that girl, Trey.

Honestly? If Riddle could just bury her face in Trey’s chest for a minute or two, I think a lot of her tantrums would just… not happen. She would be so calm…

Alright, now Trey owes this to humanity.

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Why do I deeply headcanon Night Raven Collage have orgies? I kind of blame you

😭Look at us being the worst influence on this fandom LOL

Ironically, I don't think we ever talked about orgies and such?

NRC might have a secret student society for orgies though...

Anonymous asked:

Eric Venue can get it though 🥵

And he did! That’s how we got Vil 🥰

hipsterteller asked:

Have you seen Vil’s father?! And why do I get a feeling you might be putting him and Trein together?

Yes, we have! He looks great, and based on everything we’ve seen and heard so far (as always, we aren’t watching the event just yet), he is everything we wished and expected him to be, so I’m very satisfied hehe.

I don’t know about your feeling though, do you want us to? 👀 Is it because of another certain stylish young man?

We don’t know who we’re going to ship Papa Schoenheit with though, only time will tell…

Anonymous asked:

just wanted to say i absolutely adore your Ortho x Vil stuff!

Thank you so much, Anon!! <3 I am very happy that you love them!

Anonymous asked:

Do ya think Sebek has fantasies ab breeding Malleus

Kind of talked about it here!

But also in general, I feel like Sebek has all kinds of dreams about Malleus, like he wouldn’t dare to actively fantasise about it, but his mind keeps showing him so many naughty scenarios that he finds it very difficult to look at Malleus after that sometimes…

Anonymous asked:

Do you guys ever think about how Floyd would try to breed Riddle?

Because he probably didn't understand how human bodies work at first (was probably taught but got bored listening)

Floyd probably like : Where the baby bump?

Then Riddle would be like : Baby bump? I can't have babies -

*insert small sad Floyd in eel form here*

Awwww, poor eel, he was so sure that he found his mate 😔 Keep trying, buddy, maybe you’ll get him next time. Or the time after that. Basically, just keep mating with him until you change his entire anatomy lol

We haven’t really thought about this specific theme, but we did talk about Floyd being in heat and being all over Riddle, so at least there’s that!

Anonymous asked:

Hello!!  Iirc, you guys don't read the TWST mangas or light novel right?  There's a bit in the new 4-koma manga I'd thought you'd like: Rook, Leona, and Idia have to paint something and then make it move with magic.  Rook paints himself about to shoot an arrow that always aims at Leona.  Then the Rook in the painting comes to life and terrorizes the Savanaclaw students, so Leona smacks Painting!Rook with his canvas where P!Rook decides to stay.  Leona's okay with it cause it means he doesn't have to paint anything.  Idia's just there to judge I guess.

(new head canon, Leona's a pillow princess)

Hi Anon! Yeah, I heard that they’re making a 4-koma manga, and even though we don’t read any additional twst material, I really love that they’re making it! I love 4-komas, they’re silly lol

The one that you described is golden and pretty in-character; god poor Idia who had to witness all that lol I love that just running around and shooting beast boys is pretty much Rook’s entire essence…

It also makes sense that Leona would do something like this omg, paint your own picture you lazy bitch 😭

(also not a headcanon, Anon, this is 100% factual)

Anonymous asked:

I….That anon was….personally offended by a headcanon? I’m so confused…

(related to this reply)

Maybe?? I don’t know, but they weren’t rude about it or anything, so I hope it’s all good.

Anonymous asked:

Jade can gaslight me all he wants…

Don't encourage him, Anon... he is already very ill-behaved.

Anonymous asked:

Jinx from Arcane looks like Idia’s long lost sister.

Don't know much about her other than her design and some bits and pieces of her story, but Idia with two pigtails would look very cute.

#replies

[squeaktism]

I have Autism

TW: Description (non Graphic) of a suicide attempt.

I have Autism. I have known this for almost 10 years. I have stated this to people when I am trying to explain why I may seem "off". When I was told I had Autism (not my original Diagnosis) I felt happy. I though maybe now I can work on fixing myself. I had so many other diagnosis before and by this time I had been working a job for 2 years I thought that it would be just a hurdle to overcome and I could just push through it. To me the Diagnosis was a way to research and study and correct. Not a way to heal, and keep myself well. I am a problem solver. I saw this as a problem to be solved. The issue is i didn't solve it. In fact I stopped in depth research about a year after the diagnosis . Because I was too busy "pushing through" I let other people dictate how to handle it. And the Consensus always was. "I wouldn't even know if you didn't tell me" I wore this like a Badge of honor. Which I know now was the shittiest most cruel thing I could do. Not only for others, but myself included.

Because a week ago today. I sat outside for the second time in two weeks prepared to take my own life. I sat outside, on a beautiful day in really nice comfy coat I had purchased that weekend. With a boxcutter prepared to cut my femoral artery. Whether or not it would have worked isn't the issue. The issue was I was ready. I was not Capable of conforming myself to the extent the world needed of me. I was not going to be able to continue at the pace I had been long term. So I didn't need to be around long term. Essentially if I couldn't produce and mask. I didn't need to be here. What stopped me? It was Gimli. Gimli is my potbelly pig I have had him since he was maybe 8 weeks old. Gimli is 8. Unbeknown to me as I sat in the grass on the little hill I had chosen. The Bareness of the fall trees had put me in his eyesight. He saw me, and I believe he could sense my anguish. He screamed in a way that I feel like he was echoing my emotions. With Tears down my face I got up. I walked to his Pen and sat down with him. I told him that Mommy isn't made for this world. But I also Googled The suicide hotline, relief washed over me realizing I could text them. I spent a Hour texting with a Counselor. It was what I needed to calm myself down and refocus my brain to finding solutions that were not removing myself from this world. I was right about one thing: I was not made for this world. But that doesn't mean I do not belong.

This Low point came after years and years of me just pushing through and becoming disappointed when I fell short of the expectations others had of me and frankly the ridiculous ones I set for myself. Let me explain. The world and the environment that I was in put a heavy emphasis on "Neurotypical Success". Growing up without a Diagnosis I got a lot of labels. Lazy, Unmotivated, Difficult, Rude, Weird.. I could keep going but safe to say those got to me. I long had a passion for the English language, despite struggling to verbally articulate what I mean in a correct manner. So I knew those words, their definitions and the implications. I wanted to prove everyone wrong as well as make people proud and not be a burden. But instead I became a burden to myself. I had what is referred to as Autistic burn out. Because I spent years trying to fix and fit myself into society. Now it is time for Society to fit itself to me. One thing years of fitting in has taken from me is my ability to feed my interests that make me happiest. One of which is writing. This blog Post is one of many. I am Here, I am Autistic, I am Mcsqueakin.

PS:

The Text number for the Suicide hotline in the US is 988

#actually autistic #actually autism #tw sui attempt

[uchiha-sensei]

Sort of sad that my older brother has actual Elder Daughter syndrome and only noticied it in his late twenties/early thirties. He's also only healing from all my mother's baggage now.

#truly... #idk what is worse him being the literal psychological counselor of her prpblems and bitterness since he was a kid and atill trying to #salvage his relationship w her even when her selfishness affected his entire life and his relationships with others #or me who literally do nit know my mother bc she just neglect me my entire childhood and most of my teens years #only to try and 'be there' for me or try to care in my early twenties when I have already given up on her since I was probably like 13 #and that's not saying about the pressure she put in us both her controlling attitude towards both of us #and how she often diminished us even as children when we didnt do what she wanted #I just... I didn't expect this to be a mommy issues day but those posts on my dash really brought it up in me lmao

[bemylord]

ꜱ/ᴏ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄʟɪɴɢʏ

characters: satoru, itadori, megumi, toji, nanamin, sukuna.

warnings: it's not an angst, but it has triggers because they screamed at you :( [toji and sukuna parts bc yall know those man] + grammar issues. [aged up?]

butler's remark: it was hard to write yuuji, megumi and gojou parts bc they are good and sweet boys and i practically cry. i also had decided to do as a hdc not in the fake text. i did a reader with a strong character.

apologies part.

ɪᴛᴀᴅᴏʀɪ ʏᴜᴜᴊɪ:

pls no. i can't even imagine that yuuji would scream to you or say you're bothering him.

but, okay, that's why you're reading this.

you just wanted a piece, a little bit, some, of yuuji's attention while he was training.

you came to him from behind, wrapping hands around his neck.

you were happy to finally see and hug your boyfriend, planning to spend an evening watching some tv-shows.

suddenly, yuuji turned to you, and instead of the usual: 'sweetie, i'm so happy to see you let's watch the tv or eat ramen!'

he answered: 'i'm busy, y/n, let's talk later.'

being busy by doing something is totally normal.

but he could at least said you not cold as that. he turned around his body, continuing to do the same thing.

'but i missed you, yuuujiii~' you stretched out [?] his name in a smile, clinging to his shoulders again.

'can you not being clingy y/n, i'm trying to train. give me some space, you're starting to annoy me!'

you were standing there with doe eyes - he had never screamed at you.

'yeah? whatever, itadori. i'm gonna cuddle with megumi-kun, good training.'

you left the room with tears in the corner of your eyes. you'll give the space that yuuji had mentioned - you won't be talking with him for some days or weeks, therefore he'll know he should watch his mouth. [to follow what he says]

ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ:

he came back to the dorm late after training with satoru.

you, being the lovely girlfriend ever, wanted to help megumi: you filled the bathtub with water, made delicious dinner, and find a good movie to watch after bath. maybe, it isn't a romantic thing, but it'll help him to release the tension in the muscle.

'megumi, you finally here!' you had green your boyfriend with a warm hug, as you always do, cupped his face to kiss him.

you were about to give a kiss, when 'gumi intercepted your hands, looking at you tiredly.

'how was the train? you must be tired, that's why i made for you bath and dinner.'

you walked into the living room as you heard him muttering.

'you always being so annoying and so mommy [i mean, hyper custody], i am not a child, y/n, i can help myself.'

'gomen-gomen, megumi, i just wanted to help you relax.'

'stop being like that! that's annoying, i'll take a bath alone, without you.'

you saw bruises and abrasions on his face - he must be angry about that. you have known how megumi hates to be beaten gojou or todou.

you decided not to answer, only waiting till his fury will calm down and he will apologize.

ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴛᴏᴊɪ:

i want to confess right away - i'm already afraid of him.

toji should be about to return home from a mission any minute now.

you had baked apple pie and made dinner, anticipating for your husband to arrive.

you only overheard heavy footsteps in the living room, immediately run to see him.

'my love, you back home.' you were about to kiss him, when he turned his head, pronouncing:

'don't touch me.'

his obnoxious nature. over the years of living with him you have taught him to be more gentle with you.

'use better words, toji.'

'i will talk to you as i want, woman. the fact you are my wife doesn't mean i'll be docile.'

'don't talk to me like that, i'm yo-'

'shut up, you're just a wife who comes when i need her. don't exalt yourself. don't be clingy.'

notwithstanding your strong character, tears start to roll down on cheeks.

'i have no intention of being your servant, toji. find another 'wife', i'm leaving.'

ɢᴏᴊᴏ ꜱᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ:

as you know, gojou satoru is a playful guy, who wants to tease you like 24/7.

you never thought that gojou would scream at you due to you being clingy. it happened, tho.

you are basically just like him, naughty and agile, waiting for him after work so you could take gojou in your arms and kiss him.

when you heard as the door opened, you ran to hug him. however, when you were anticipating to him to do the same, he uttered: 'let go of me.'

you thought he wanted to hug you first, so you've wrapped your arms around your neck tighter.

'did i not make myself clear? get off me. you being so clingy and intrusive.'

'i missed you, 'toru.'

'we see each other every single day, let me spend a few days alone, don't act like a child, stop being sticky'

when you heard the last word, you get off your boyfriend, watching as he slowly walking into the living room, not look at you.

'a few days alone? fine, gojo, whatever. all you want, i'm leaving.'

you grabbed your phone, leaving the house.

ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ ᴋᴇɴᴛᴏ:

you had mentioned that you might be clingy or sticky, demanding a lot of attention, when you on the period.

he agreed, laughed at your words. 'i always be with you anywhen, angel.'

as silly as it may sound, you wrapped your arms on a pillow, which was smelling like him, imagining it was kento.

you heard as a door opened, cheerfully coming down to greet your boyfriend.

'welcome home, darling, i was waiting for you to have some.. cuddles!' you straighten arms on him, expecting kento hugs you.

'it seems as you need me only for that, y/n.'

'no, darling, of course not. how was your day? tell me while we're gonna have a bath.'

'that's what i'm talking about. can it be only one day when you stop being sticky like that? i'm tired from work i want to be alone.'

you were speechless. you mumbled something illegible, step backward.

'y-yeah, s-sure..'

you walk in the bathroom, hiding your tears from him. as soon as you found yourself in the room, you sob.

'he just tired. i-i won't cry.'

you let your boyfriend spend an evening on his own, trying not to cry.

ꜱᴜᴋᴜɴᴀ ʀʏᴏᴍᴇɴ:

disclaimer: the king was really mad today, exactly today when you wanted to cuddle him.

you came to his domain, happy and shine like the sun - you've moved up in the ranks, isn't that a success?

you baked muffins, the kind that the king likes - with chocolate, and garnished with nuts on top. [it's only my opinion]

so, when you stood in front of a pile of skulls, sukuna unexpectedly said: 'you should leave. now.'

'huh?' you turned your head on the left, in a curious gesture, waiting for him to explain.

you did a step forward, thought you misunderstood him.

he didn't even look at you, sitting on the throne like you ain't here like you're sort of a slave, not a girlfriend.

'i've got so good news, sukuna. the first i had baked muff-'

before you could've finished the sentence, he used cursed energy to stop you, knocking the treats out of your hands.

'i fucking said you to leave my domain, woman. are you that stupid? and stop being clingy, it's irritating me.'

you knew his nature, you knew he might indicate something offensive, but, that one - above hurtful.

'what's wrong, the king?' you said his position mockingly, going down the skulls, looking at his back. 'go to hell, i'll tell it itadori. be here alone, sukuna.'

well, shall i do a part two with apologies? also sorry for kinda sad post.

[?] - pls corrent me if i used the wrong word.

↳ back to the main master list.

#jjk satoru #jjk itadori #jjk megumi #jjk x reader #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #itadori yuuji headcanons #itadori yuuji x reader #itadori yuji x reader #satoru gojo x reader #satoru x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryoumen x reader #nanami kento x reader #kento x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader

[samissosexyyy]

Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

[anxiouspotatorants]

Omg I agree with you on all of those songs!! I esp loved you connecting "My Body's Made of Crushed Little Stars" to Jess because I personally connect with how chaotic that song is but it also just fits so well with his feelings post-season 3 and even throughout it. And Francis Forever is such a good pick for Literati, I actually associate First Love/Late Spring with them as well, especially with them post-series because of a fic where the song is used on the playlist (idk if you're into reading fics but I highly recommend this one). Happy is such a melancholic song that I can perfectly see it fit with post 6x18 Jess in particular: "And when you go take this heart, I'll make no more use of it when there's no more you". Thursday Girl is another one that I connect with them mainly because it feels like a Literati song (and there's another fic that the writer connected it to that perfectly captures the tone of that fic in this song). Even fics that on the surface don't necessarily look like songs that go with them would probably fit well, like Your Best American Girl which I associate with them post-series as well (and I actually got introduced to Mitski through a fic series that had this in the playlist for it). "Pink in the Night" is another one, particularly with the lyrics "And I know I've kissed you before, but I didn't do it right, can I try again, try again, try again" fits so well with their first kiss at the Inn and then their second kiss at the gas station. "Two Slow Dancers" gives me such intense feelings of loss that I often consider it as like a go-to-angst song for the image of them reminiscing about their relationship and how it went wrong when they were young vs how they're older now.

Okay first off you just made my day with showing me that there’s this much Mitski x Literati content!! And I am into fanfiction so I will read all of them!!

You’re so right on First Love/Late Spring, I mean: «And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five» and the chorus?? Thursday Girl does fit surprisingly well too, and I didn’t expect it to! («Glory, glory, glory to the night/ That shows me what I am/ As I go to the party on my knees/ Saying «Take it all, please...» could fit a lot of bits but especially Keg! Max!) I personally connect Your Best American Girl more to Lane, because of the mommy-issues and lovesick aesthetic that fits her so well (and let’s be honest, this song fits probably any woman who likes men, but especially those of us with the mULtiCuLtuRaL eXPeRiENce). That being said it does actually fit Literati too! Especially from Jess’ POV. And Pink in the Night and Two Slow Dancers are such a bulls eye! «Does it smell like a school gymnasium in here?/ It’s funny how they’re all the same/ It’s funny how you always remember»?? «It would be a hundred times easier/ If we were young again/ But as it is and it is/ We’re just two slow dancers, last ones out»??? Your analysis is perfect, it really does feel like a song for them reminiscing about everything and still not being completely over it.

I’ve seen a lot of people (rightfully) connect Literati to Taylor Swift songs, especially her latest albums, but there’s honestly so many artists that fit them! I’ve considered making full posts about specific lyrics that could be utilized in fics and GIFs and fanart etc but haven’t gotten to it yet. That being said I’m so happy I’m not the first to notice how well Mitski and Literati compliment one another, and thank you for the recommendations!!

#thank you thank you thank you!! #I’ve read so many fics over the last year that I’m struggling to find the ones I haven’t now #so this genuinely helps! #and Mitski’s music is just so amazing regardless #it fits a lot of stories (like f ex Literati) because she’s such a good songwriter #Mitski #literati #jess mariano #rory gilmore #rory x jess

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

14. Part 4

Robyn moved back from me and moved away, watching her walk around the kitchen counter, I hate to see this. I hate to see Robyn upset “I am ok” she said but her voice could barely say those words, I am so sad for her, I hate to hear things like that. I am damaged goods but she is also damaged in her own way, and I can imagine that has stemmed from me or better yet her dad “try telling yourself that, I came here for you Robyn because I felt your unhappiness. I didn’t like that you were feeling that way, that you were saying those words. I mean everything” Robyn grabbed a paper towel, wiping her tears “your duffle bag is in my room, can you pick up my paper plate. We can talk in my room” nodding my head, picking up the paper plate “I can go to a hotel after” Robyn laughed “you’re funny, you’re just saying words now. You want some water to take up with you?” she asked, nodding my head as I waited with the cake in hand “god” Robyn breathed, watching her open the fridge door “what a mess, I mean what did I expect? Perfect, I am not that lucky in life am I” walking slowly over to her “let me hold one of the bottles for you Robyn” grabbing one of the bottles from her “thank you, and you can sleep on the floor of my room” she kicked the fridge door shut, feeling my phone ringing in my pocket “you want to get that?” she asked, shaking my head walking behind her “I am going to bed Mel” Robyn announced “mhmm, Chris following behind you like a pet animal. I see how it is” Mel got jokes “don’t get a beating from Monica, gag her” Robyn isn’t saying anything at all, but Mel is just saying words.

Whoever is ringing me, is not stopping at all. Grabbing my phone from out of my pocket “what are you doing awake?” Royalty ringing me out of the blue, she didn’t pick up before “I woke up, I had a bad nightmare” why is the women in my life like this, I have two upset women in my life, and then me. I am mentally unstable “aw no, you know what I do when I have a bad nightmare?” Robyn’ room here is nice “what?” watching Robyn throw the pillow on the floor, she is playing thinking I am sleeping there “nothing really, I was trying to be the concerning parent” I laughed, Royalty laughed in my ear “I am going to mommy’ room, you didn’t send me a selfie dad. I sent you one!” she did, I don’t remember “I didn’t see it, I will send one after. You got your soccer game coming up, see I remember. I am not that bad” she always thinks I am forgetful “you are forgetful and old dad” rolling my eyes “you go and annoy your mother, I am busy right now” I rather she do just that “you keep saying busy” moving my phone back from my ear, putting it on speakerphone “what did you say?” I missed it “your hearing is going dad, I said you are always busy. Why? You do nothing all day” that is cheeky “I do things ok; I am just extra busy doing nothing now” taking the selfie before Royalty harasses me even more “and aye, stop commenting on my pictures. You asked for me to put the comments back on, and you kept saying am I home. Stupid butt, there I sent it now. Why do you like doing this” taking it off speakerphone “so I can see your face and know you’re ok, I am at mommy’ room now so bye!” she put the phone down, I sighed out “she is special” I mumbled “why you say that?” Robyn asked “if she sends me a selfie, I have to send one back. It’s weird, she is weird” I laughed locking my phone “I don’t know why she wants to see your face anyways” Robyn said, she is rude.

I like that Robyn is cool with me speaking to Royalty on the phone, it doesn’t phase her at all “you really wanted that cake huh?” Robyn nodded eating the cake, she finished off what she is doing “emotionally depressed, best thing” she lifted the paper plate up at me, she got a point “that is what I don’t like to hear, first the bad dream and now this. I don’t know, I can’t say what will happen. I didn’t really see pregnancy as such a dangerous thing till now” Robyn sat on the edge of the bed “because you actually care for the person that is giving birth Chris, that is the difference but I have spoken to my mom. I said to her that if anything like that happens, I want my baby to be with her father” I hate this conversation “no, she would be better here” I don’t want this conversation right now “I can’t look after a baby Robyn, my mom does it for me! I don’t want a baby without you. You think I would care. Why speak on something that won’t happen” it’s true it won’t “stop predicting shit that can happen, be truthful with me right now. It kills me to think of it but with how shit my luck is, it may happen, and I do not want my daughter being lost. Be truthful with me, please use your heart and tell me what would you do knowing me? Knowing what I would want” shaking my head putting my head down “my life would be ruined if that happened to you, it would be my fault and then everyone would blame me for it. I know it” looking up at Robyn, she knows I am right that is why she is looking at me in sadness “my mom said she would promise me that it would be taken care of and that if I wanted that, she would make it happen. Look I am just saying, stop being blind” rubbing my hands together “I would move here, I think I know you would be smiling to know she is being bought up in your home country, can we drop it now? Because you’re still going to be here stressing me out” Robyn cooed out “ok, least I know but that is cute, you know me well. We will drop it but I am being deadass, I will haunt you if you go back to drugs and be a deadbeat to my daughter” nodding my head “promise I won’t” I think she would do just that to me.

Robyn finished the cake, I thought I would let her enjoy herself “I was speaking to Jahleel” placing the water bottle between my legs “you the only one to say his name, call his dumbass Ja but was he nice to you?” nodding my head “he said a lot, he is real. He is really wanting you to be happy, he said you have been unhappy for far too long. You froze your eggs?” Robyn looked a little shocked “he said that to you, uh yeah” watching her open the water bottle “why?” I questioned, I mean I kind of get it but I don’t “because I am getting old, I was not having sex with anybody. I didn’t just want anybody even if I was having sex, nobody I knew. I was scared that I wasn’t going to have a baby to call my own, I was not a woman anybody wanted to call wife or baby mother clearly. I think what hurt me, I never wanted his baby anyways, we spoke on it, but I mean that was me speaking on it. But Hassan really just put me down to where I thought wow, I am not a decent person at all, he would use condoms and act like I have some disease and before we split he kind of made it like I am not good enough to be a wife, and I have generally thought that of me. Sex me and that is it, but what does the world know. So, I froze them, waited it out and I was going to get a sperm donor and hide” Robyn drank her water “well I mean I don’t think I am really, I am not worthy of taking me home to your mother, because she will just be like oh Rihanna, the girl that has no clothes on, I have been put down. It’s not perfect and it hurts, my friends around me have all gotten married and it’s just what it is” she shrugged “but you are worthy of that Robyn, you are worthy of everything, to be a wife. These men don’t deserve you anyways, you are good enough, I know that men like you. I hate it, I get jealous” Robyn laughed “they want to fuck me Chris” she put her head down “I wasn’t good enough for you Chris and I am not bringing the past up but it’s the truth, because I am not the best looking girl like everyone seems, my forehead is huge and I do hate at times, my nose is big, I am thicker. People say I look like an auntie and it’s just what it is. I wasn’t good enough for you back then, you still sought other women, I was faithful to you and you cheated on me then, and you had two women when I got with you again. So, when you say I am worth it, I am not Chris. I just think, you love me, but you just can’t help yourself but see other beautiful women that can please you and are better than me. Men just let me down” putting my head down, how can I say she is wrong when I did constantly just cheat.

Looking up at Robyn “I just always wanted that happy ending for me, I just craved it and it hurt me when it got to a point where I knew I wouldn’t get it but who thinks that of me. I am Rihanna, I shouldn’t have these issues, but I do, I have been let down every single time. And even now, I am having my baby and now Rorrey, he is just letting me down. I just want what every single girl wants, and I don’t see it” getting up from the seat, I hate when she cries “come on Robyn, I am stupid. I wasn’t thinking of anything but myself, first time I was being a stupid boy, second I was more into my drugs and now I see clear. I have always loved you Robyn, I know I fucked up but I have never stopped loving you” holding Robyn’ arm, she got up from the bed and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as close to me as possible, without hurting her. I rubbed her back, and kissed her forehead “I am sorry Robyn, you have been let down a lot” Robyn cried into my chest, her cries being muffled. I continued to hug her, feeling my tee get damp from the tears “I promise I am going to prove you will get that trust me” her crying died down a little. When it did, I pulled away from her. Robyn kept her head down; she didn't want me to see her like this.

I lifted her chin with my hand so that I could see her face. Her makeup was smudged from the tears, and her eyes are bloodshot red “you have done so much for others, people don’t see it or know or will even understand. To see you this vulnerable hurts my heart it does, I am so happy god has bought us back together. From afar I have always wanted you back, commenting on your posts and trying to get your attention, you were not having it and I get it. I hurt you so much, standing here hearing what you are saying. You right, I strayed away when you were faithful to me, but I do want to make it right, I really do Robyn. And I want this to be different for me, for us” touching her bump “like I have always been ready for this” tucking her hair behind both of her ears “you are beautiful, you are worth it. You are worth to be someone’s wife, and I want you. That is it for us, it’s always going to be me and you because we have that bond. I want the best for you, I want to make shit I did wrong, right. I want that happiness; I want to be with you Robyn. You said it’s about you and I and I am your happiness; this is why you smile when I am around. I can’t force you to do anything, but you said it’s about you, then let’s make it about you Robyn. Look I want to marry you” I just said it, I am just going around in circles “what?” Robyn said in shock a little “why date? What is the point, we have done this for years! We don’t need anything else; I will never do anything to upset you Robyn. This is it for me, for us. Marry me, wait sorry” rushing to my duffle bag.

I forgot the ring, I got her this ring “my second engagement ring to you, I will do it properly for you” getting down on one knee “marry me Robyn, I want to grow old with you. I am a crazy nigga with bipolar and I have grande ideas, but this is one of my best ideas ever. Because even if you don’t want me, I will be around you for eighteen years of her life, I will be there and you and I both know what we are like together, let me make you my wife because you are worth it Robyn. How many more years are we going to waste, let’s forget the world and do us” Robyn’ lower lip quivered, I am here sweating and a little nervous but adrenaline is getting me through this “no nigga would fly across just because you was sad, no matter the bad there was a lot of good in us” Robyn breathed out but it was more of a sob “just you and I?” she said “just you and I, I want to do this properly. You drive me crazy but it’s not a bad thing. You believe in me, also you believe that my knees have no feelings because a nigga just been like this for so long” Robyn laughed “ok, yes. Yes, I will” I gasped “really?” I feel choked up “you right, you can’t let me down” I was quick to place the ring on her finger before she changed her mind and getting up “you really want to marry me” I didn’t think I would cry but I am “I love you Chris” hugging Robyn “thank you for believing in me, I love you so much” clenching my eyes shut as tears fell.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna Fanfiction #Chrianna #Fanfiction #Fanfic

[depressedkakashihatake]

Can I ask a question? Why do Kakashi get pregnant every time? I mean. I'm a trans man myself, and I didn't do the operation needed to have a penis, but I still decided to close my tubes since getting pregnant is... Well, is what women do, and I don't feel a woman, and it would feel somehow wrong for me to get pregnant. So, why do Kakashi always get pregnant? And Iruka, too, I've seen, in the last couple of AUs

Ok 1) Iruka has gotten pregnant in my head cannons once and it wasn’t my idea. it was an anons and i went with it because i genuinely think Iruka would be far more open to the idea than Kakashi (There are trans men in the world who have given birth to kids. so this is a thing that does happen in reality)

2) It is a cooping mechanism for me. I may not be a trans man, but i am Non binary with a hard lean towards male. I have always hated the idea of being pregnent, i hate my chest and all of that. but i am also terrified of operations and thus am not about to go in to get my tubes tied. I would love to have a body where i have no chest and a penis, but i’ve accepted the fact that a binder and strap on are the closest i will ever get, and i’m ok with that. 

Now where Kakashi comes in is out of all of the Naruto characters i quiet clearly identify with him over anyone else. He is my favorite character, his personality matches mine the most. He is the character i see myself in. 

So go back a few months when i found out i was pregnant, and i did not handle it well. Was i excited to be a parent? ya. But i had issues. i hated what it did to my body, i hated the fact that i KNEW i was going to be dealing with this bullshit of being called ‘mommy’ and having everything i do from now on for the rest of my life gendered even more than it already was. Basically the only person in my family who knows my gender is my husband, and if i have told others (his mother, my parents) they have just straight up ignored me and continued to call me by female pronouns and compare everything i do to women. 

So i needed a cooping mechanism because i couldn’t tell these people to stop saying things like ‘you’re going to be a mommy’ and ‘oh you’ll be such a great mom’. i’d be turned into the villain

i couldn’t vent to my husband (although he is always super supportive) because covid-19 was starting up and as a doctor he was being worked to the ground and he was stressed. it wasn’t fair to him to unload my personal issues on him when he was already burnt out.

so i needed another option

i turned to Kakashi. my favorite character. my character who i identify with.

and i went with it.

I had him find out about his pregnancy at the same point i did (30+ weeks) because i genuinely believe neither him nor i would survive 8+ months of knowing we’re pregnant. i know i would have been an absolute mess the entire time if i had found out sooner. 

Now when i make my Pregnant Kakashi head cannons i keep mulitpul things in mind for him and me. 

Discomfort- Neither Myself nor Kakashi would be comfortable wearing anything that shows our bump. other than my work outfit i lived in my husbands hoodies because i absolutely hated the way i looked. I absolutely think Kakashi just lives in Gai’s hoodies since Gai is about 2X his side and the hoodie would cover almost everything. 

also we both severely miss our binder because you just can’t wear that shit while pregnant. you can’t. i do believe Kakashi would start wearing his again once the baby was born and his c-section scar was healed, where as i basiclly have to wait 6 months till baby is eating solid foods because wearing a binder is just...it makes pumping and breast feeding impossible and those are unfortunately a part of my life right now. i won’t make them a part of Kakashi’s.

Feelings- Kakashi feels the same way about pregnancy as i do. He doesn’t want it. He’s not adverse to being a dad, but he has never thought of pregnancy and gone ‘ya that’s for me’. I basiclly accepted it would happen to me once because my husband wanted at least one biological kid and trusting another human to carry my future kid just is not in my nature. But for Kakashi it’s more of a surprise. he’s on birth control, he uses condoms with Gai, it just happens (as it did with me. i was on birth control when i got pregnant). His feelings (and mine) are why i put him finding out so late. because it is the only way he could coop. it would be a short amount of time he knew and then it would be over. far easier to handle than dealing with the fact you’re going to be pregnant for MONTHS

Now why do i keep making these headcannons? I’m still cooping. My kid is almost 2 months old and i still have not fully dealt with a lot of things. i feel like my days are a dream and nothing i’m doing is actually happening. having Kakashi go through this with me helps me deal with it all. reminds me it’s real and that i’m not losing my mind. 

But at the end of the day, it’s my headcannon. you don’t have to like it, no one else has to like it. i almost always post them under the tag ‘pregnant Kakashi’ so people who don’t want to see it don’t have to, but i really need these headcannons right now. Putting a character i don’t identify with as heavily through this with me will not have the same affect. it won’t help me coop as much. 

But also, not every trans man is going to feel the same way as you. Pregnancy is a ‘woman’s experience’ if you make it so’. i didn’t dislike the idea of pregnancy because it’s a ‘woman’s thing to go through’. i disliked it because i’m extreamly anxious and have depression and i genuinly don’t think i would handle 8 months of it well (and honestly, knowing that i was pregnant for a lot of what i went through, i can state for a fact that i did not deal with it well. i just didn’t know i was dealing with it) 

Kakashi, Iruka or any other trans male can look at pregnancy as a thing that happens. it’s not a gendered experience because trans men, women and non binary people can all experience it. you personally view it as a gendered thing and that’s perfectly fine for you to do, but it’s not something every single person in the world is going to do. because at the end of the day, gender is an idea. It’s just this label people put on us and expect us to fit into. If we don’t fit in, we have to adjust our ideas of gender.

so again, you don’t have to like those headcannons. i take them appropriately so that you don’t have to see them (and if i miss a tag, let me know. i’ll apologize and fix it because honestly i’m running on 5 hours of sleep a day right now and i’m likely to miss shit) 

 but just because you view pregnancy as a ‘woman’s thing’ doesn’t mean everyone else does. there are trans men all over the world who have given birth because they genuinly wanted to, and there are trans men who (like you) never want to because they don’t feel it’s right for them for whatever reason. 

[hairylurker]

Late to the FFXV party, but, apparently, I didn't miss much

Looking around the internet, I’ve found that this game is like digital marmite. You either love it or hate it. In my case, I can’t decide which applies.

There are certain aspects of this… beautiful, broken thing… that I am in love with. 

Like, literally, ‘overpowers my sense of reason’ kind of love. 

The graphics are beautiful. As you’re driving down all those scenic vistas, can see all the way to the horizon. You can see wonderfully designed and animated monsters frolicking in nature (shortly before you butcher them all). The fluidity of combat is amazing, diving and weaving and hitting, non-stop. The weather and lighting change as you drive around and the day comes to an end (this may not sound like much, but driving from a rainstorm in the forest into a dust storm in the desert still looks good!). And the Summons! Dear God. I just about shit myself first time I triggered one! And they look amazing, too!

Unfortunately, that’s about all I can say for the positive apects. *Rant mode*

Someone at Square thought it would be a good idea to make magic some bastardisation of a crafting system (no, it wasn’t.) so you have exactly three spells to work with for the entire game*. The combat camera and target/lock-on system just plain do not work (as in you’re targeting and beating on something in front of you and then for no reason, the target jumps to something behind the camera, but the camera doesn’t change). The Summons (yes, I know I already listed them in the positives, but bear with me) aren’t summoned in a way any fans may be familiar with, no. Summons have their own set of rules that you need to fulfill to be able to summon them (and I only learned that after googling why I hadn’t had a summon in THE ENTIRE GAME**). The biggest and most fatal flaws in this game, though, are the ones you wouldn’t expect from the people who brought you the other masterpieces in the FF franchise; the story and gameplay.

As with all my posts / rants that have an actual subject matter and aren’t just mindless, guttural wails from the safety of my cave, i’ll try to avoid posting spoilers for anyone that plans on playing it.

That said, FFXV has an animated movie (Kingsglaive) and anime series (Brotherhood) that, depending on how you want to experience the story, means watching in a certain order. I watched both, then played the game. Still didn’t make a bit of sense.

I can’t tell if there are overt nods to earlier titles or not, but, either way, the story is WAY too short and, speaking personally, doesn’t really get you interested in anyone on the screen. I was literally more choked up about the fate of one of the “tippers” than anything that happened in the main plot. The main antagonist basically jumps out and says “Hey, i’m the bad guy!” in some poorly thought out kind of attempt at plot foreshadowing. Not only that, but (unless I inadvertently skipped a cutscene or something) it doesn’t really do an adequate job of explaining WHY the main antagonist IS the main antagonist! 

Sephiroth? Super SOLDIER genetic experiment with mommy issues that can’t handle the truth and goes nuts. 

Ultimecia? Sorceress from the end of time that wants to compress ALL of time to rule everything. 

This? Uhhhh... 

There are giant, gaping, gravity wells of plot holes in this game (by which I mean missing information, for the most part).

Now, all that said, i’m still playing it through again. 

I don’t know if it’s just to make sure i’ve collected everything (i’m a perfectionist that way (and it’s such a ballache)) or just so I can actually use the summons this time or to see if I really have cocked up and missed big points of the story or if those positives outweigh the negatives to me. I don’t know if I just wanted to smash everything with the new game +. I honestly can’t tell you.

But if you’re going to buy it, make sure you look into it first, because, love it or loathe it, this isn’t your normal Final Fantasy.

I just pray to zombie Jesus that these assclowns don’t get a say on the FF7 remake/boot.

*Except for the final chapter(s)

**Except for the mandatory final chapter summons

#ffxv #final fantasy xv

[accordingtosarahh-blog]

Leave The Past In The Past...

The past three years have been nothing like I expected it to be... When I said I wanted to fall in love I meant like those romantic movies... Ya know without the sad part in the end.... Which all of the romantic movies have had... When I fell in love three years ago I didn't think  with that love would come with addiction, a kid or more issues then I had originally started with.... When you fall in love with someone who loves you back... You think just that...  That your life is amazing and you’ll wake up every morning to breakfast and kisses on the forehead and cuddling to a movie every night... That's what I thought too... The love I experienced was anything but that... More like soul crushing, heart aching, why am I still here if he treats me like shit kind of love. There would be months of notes left on my desk at work telling me how much he loved me or flowers I came home to on the dining room table and sometimes if I was lucky forehead kisses that would make me smile from ear to ear...But those months didn't last... Once addiction crept its ugly pathetic head in again and tempted him that's when he wasn't the man I fell in love with anymore. He had changed completely. He would go days without saying a word to me, weeks without even touching me or kissing me. We lived in the same house so you ask how is this possible... He was pushing me away once he started using again. At the time I was four months pregnant and he made me feel like less of a woman... He made me feel like a low life who didn't deserve his love... I would sit on the front porch debating if I wanted to continue a relationship and let a child into this world with a relationship like that.. But the abuse got worse as the addiction was growing more inside of him reminding him how it felt to escape... There were nights i would be on the bathroom floor crying, pleading to God asking him why he would allow this to happen to me why he would allow me to love a man who treated me as if I was the problem and like I was the one who was hard to love... And you know what that man didn’t care... That man didn't care about the fact that I was sitting there tears streaming down my face as he would call me “ugly” or “a whore” or even telling me how fat I was when I was the one carrying his child. That man didn’t care about me or his child inside of me punching me in the stomach saying the most hurtful things about me as I curled up in a ball trying to guard my stomach from the attacks of a man that I loved with everything I had and wanted so badly to be the man I fell in love with once again... But you know what? I still loved him... The abuse continually got worse once our son was born.. And I started finding needles in our towel closet and asking him about it and he finally told me about this drug that made him escape from life.. I wanted so badly to escape life also.. I had a 2 month old baby and had suffered from depression since the age of thirteen and was now suffering post partum depression on top of it.. I wanted to feel happy once again... He seemed so happy lately... So I tried it... Speaking promises I knew I didn't mean like “Just this one time.” But “just this one time” turned into “Okay this is fun we can do this every other weekend”... and then “only on the weekends” to “we can do this everyday and well be fine”... But we weren't fine... He started to escape more as did I... But I didn't know I was also trying to cling on to the man I fell in love with. There would be nights we would be screaming at each other as my son cried because he couldn't take the animosity and couldn't handle the fact mommy was crying... I swore to myself if he ever hit me I would leave... Then the night came that my son wouldn't stop crying because of the fighting... I was holding him as I was pleading to the man I loved to calm down pleading that if he would just calm down and stop screaming everything would be okay... I didn't want to make him angry because I knew where it would lead to... As I was shooshing my son to stay quiet and not make his father even more angry then before that's when it happened... As I was holding my son... I was slapped in the face for the first time.... Tears welded up in my eyes as he started yelling “I'm sorry it wont happen again!” “Please don't leave me. I am so sorry!” That stupid thing is I believed him... We continue to use drugs... We continued to try and escape... Me even more so to try and forget about that night...The addiction over took our lives and we lost our son... DCF finally took him away... At that point we gave our lives completely to the devil... this drug so that we could escape and forget about the pain... We ended up homeless and jobless and sleeping in our car... He introduced me to panhandling so that we could afford our drug money... One night I was tired and decided I didn't want to panhandle.. I didn't  want to cheat people out of there money any longer that night... He got mad... We started arguing and he full fledge punched me in the lip... As my eyes started watering and my lip dripped with blood and swelled up like a balloon he grabbed me and pleaded for me not to leave him again... Apologizing up and down saying he’d never do it again.. So again I believed him... From that point I  started walking on egg shells....Doing anything I could to try and make him happy... He didn't see it... I could never do enough. i could never get enough money for the drugs he so desperately needed for him to at least stay content... The name calling turned into him accusing me of cheating.. Regardless of the fact that we were always together... One night he believed that i cheated with one of his friends and got so angry and as i was sitting there yelling to just believe me. To believe id never hurt him like that regardless of his past and his mistakes regardless of how insecure he was being... Again he balled up his fists and did the one thing he said he’d never do again... But this time it was far worse... He hit me to the point my eye was as black as the night sky and i bled so much that i just hoped i would die and stop feeling the pain.... As blood was pouring out of my fand and my eye was so swollen I couldn't open it he grabbed me, told me he loved me and apologize promising he’d never do it again... Again I forgave him and believed him... I continued to love him as the emotional and mental abuse continued... I continued to love him as my self esteem was being demolished. And I continued to love him as I felt like no matter what I did it would never be good enough... At this point he was in and out of jail.. We promised each other we would both stay clean... We moved into a house that had roommates and slowly was getting our shit together... But the addiction came back... This time with full force... Our arguments got a lot worse... The hitting became more constant to the point where he would just be beating me as i layed on the floor yelling, screaming and begging with everything I had for him to stop... While he was yelling “no one could love you like I do.” “I saw you first... No one loved you but me when you were ugly and fat!” Beating me to the point I had bruises all over my body at one point and our roommates were asking if he killed me yet... But still I was the one apologizing... Apologizing and telling him I would be a better fiancé... A better person and a better mother... Promising I would treat him better... Even though I was the one being treated so horribly... He was in and out of jail... And I was holding on for dear life... believing his words that no one could ever love me like he loved me.... Believing he would change and be a better man to me... Until one day we were both sick in different hospital for weeks... With the same thing... MRSA... We gave it to each other by sharing needles... I got to the point where I could finally be alone with my thoughts and I realized everything... It took me a week to realize that one day... Maybe not that day i could be a lot happier... Happier without the abuse, happier without the drugs, and happier without him... I finally after three year had the balls to call him up and end things.. It hurt it really did... Its been three months and it still hurts... But everyday I am growing stronger... Everyday I was growing self esteem and everyday I am learning to live life without him... There are nights I still lay in bed and every bone in my body aches from the thought of him and I cry till there are no longer tears coming out of my eyes.... Or should I say the memory of who he use to be.. Memories period... There are days when I still want to call him up and just want to hear the sound of his voice and make sure he’s okay... And there are still days I think maybe I should just say fuck it and just allow him back into my life... But those days are now far and few between and I realize I am no longer in love with him anymore... I am in love with who I thought he was and I'm in love with the happy memories... So I don't call him, I don't ask him to be apart of my life and I wipe the tears and put a smile on my face and remind myself everything is going to be okay... Maybe not today but one day these things wont hurt so much and one day I can finally be happy without this aching in my chest... One day I will be able to wake up in the arms of my husband in our bed in our house on a Saturday morning and hear our kids fighting that there sibling is touching them and my hair will be a mess and ill have no make up on and my husband will look at me and still tell me I'm beautiful... And that day all of this hurt... Will be worth it...