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#I keep thinking but the only job I ever really wanted was to be a mall Santa and I think that is a difficult job market to get into
foreingersgod · 2 days
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could you write something about attending Caitlins game and sitting courtside and her dedicating each shot to you
All For You . CC
pairing: caitlin clark x reader
synopsis: caitlin dedicates all her shots to you <3
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you’ve always attended your girlfriends games, only missing a rare few. watching her out on the court in her element made you feel so proud, you wouldn’t miss that feeling for the world. you constantly reminded her how amazing she was, on and off the court. that she was the most amazing player you’ve ever seen.
and she’d blush, hiding her face in your neck all while thanking you for coming to the game. ‘as if i’d voluntarily miss it’ you’d reply. she would tell you how much it actually meant to her, that you’d show up every time. just for her.
“i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you” is what she’d say, pressed up against you in bed after each game, running her fingers up and down your supple skin. “i hope you know that”
you’d shake your head, telling her no. because, to you, it was all her. the endless practices, the meltdowns of frustration that motivated her to keep going. that was all her doing, you were just here to support her.
caitlin understood that, yes, she’s put in a lot of hard work. but she couldn’t figure out why you would think you didn’t play a part in all this. if you weren’t there court-side every night, if you didn’t calm her down when she was frustrated, if you didn’t clean her up and nurse her back to health when she pushed it too far? she wouldn’t have all these titles and awards nor all the praise and attention.
so she took it upon herself to make you understand how much you truly have done for her.
she pledged to herself that every shot she took from this point forward, was devoted to you. caitlin had always kept you in mind when she scored, but every shot to her was just to get ahead. in reality, she discovered, she was really shooting for you. and she needed to show you that. you needed to understand that you were always on her mind, whether that be outside of the court or not.
it was a friday night, iowa was playing against lsu, and you were getting ready to leave the apartment. caitlin had left earlier in the afternoon for practice and warmups, and you let her know you’d be rooting for her somewhere in the crowd, just like you always did.
before you could make it to your front door, hands not even on the handle, your phone vibrated. pulling the phone out of your back pocket, a text from caitlin caught your eye.
cait <3: keep your eyes on me tonight, ok? want you to see something.
your brows furrowed slightly in confusion. what was she planning?
you: i always do, what are you up to this time?
cait <3: just trust me ;)
you chuckled to yourself, she was trouble.
you quickly realized you were late after being momentarily distracted by your girlfriend. snatching your bag and shoving your phone back into its pocket, you were out the door and headed to the arena.
they were just beginning introductions for the teams as you made your way to your seat. close enough to the floor that you could be easily spotted by your girl, but enough back that you weren’t front and center. the lights to the arena dimmed, colorful lights flashing and speakers booming as they called your girlfriends name. you watched as she stood from her seat and waltzed out onto the floor. she was glowing, hearing how her fans chanted her name as she hyped up the crowd. it warmed your heart to see her this happy.
before you knew it, the game was starting up. sneakers squeaked against polished wood as the girls defended the ball against lsu. they attempted a shot, missing it as caitlin rebounded the ball. she was slick on the court, gliding right past the opponents, dribbling the ball with ease. your eyes never left her figure like you were told.
you watched as she made it across the court. an lsu player, you have to admit, was doing an incredible job guarding her. but caitlin did what she does best. taking a large step back, almost to half court, caitlin took a deep shot against her defender. the entire crowd watched as the ball flew in the air, swishing straight through the net effortlessly. everyone erupted with chanting and applause, she was remarkable.
after her shot drained into the hoop, she turned to where you sat in the audience. you watched her closely, still clapping for her. she found you in an instant, locking eyes with you. she smiled and raised her hands, forming a heart with her fingers. she held in close to her chest then pointed to you, indicating that she made the shot for you. she mouthed a quick ‘for you’ to you up in the stands before catching up to her team on the other side of the arena. a flustered smile spread across your face as you watched her.
just when you thought she couldn’t get any better as a girlfriend or an athlete in general, here she was, dedicating shots to you.
as the game progressed and as iowa held onto a massive lead, caitlin kept blowing everyone away with her incredible shots. and each time, when the ball went through the net, caitlin isolated you from the crowd to make the same heart gesture. it was like clockwork and you’ll be honest, you never got tired of it. it made your heart swell to think that she was making those shots just for you.
once the clock buzzed and the game ended, you waited for the crowd to fizzle out before making your way down to the locker room. after each game you would wait on a small bench in the hall just outside and wait for caitlin to meet you. this night was no exception. you were perched on the bench, legs bouncing with anticipation to see your girl.
minutes went by until you heard the doors open with a click. your head snapped in its direction to see caitlin meandering over to you, an exhausted smile on her face.
“baby!” you cheered, running over to her and hugging her tightly “you were amazing as always, i’m so so so proud of you, cait!”
you pulled away from the hug and looked up to take in her appearance. she always looked so beautiful to you, no matter the sweat or grime or exhaustion. she was a work of art.
“thanks, babe” she leaned down to place a sweet kiss upon your lips.
“always” you pulled her in deeper as your arms draped around the back of her neck.
“how’d you like my new signature move?” you could feel her smile as she mumbled against your lips.
“oh my god” you laughed “i loved it, cait you definitely don’t have to do that for me!”
“the hell i don’t” she teased “i say it time and time again, you’re the reason i’m where i’m at today. the least i could do is dedicate my shots to you. it’s all for you.”
you could probably cry right there. the fact that she thought so highly of you, just for being her support, made you feel so special. caitlin had to be the most selfless person you’d ever met.
“i’m so lucky to have you” you said, hands falling down to her biceps where they gave a gentle squeeze “i love you so much, cait”
“i love you too” she replied “thank you for being with me through all this, i’m the one who’s lucky”
that night, you followed tradition. caitlin pressed up against you, the warmth of her skin soaking into your bare back. sheets draped over the two of you and your legs intertwined. her fingers skimmed over your arm, making you shiver. she whispered against the shell of your ear how much she loved you and reminding you once again that she wouldn’t be here without you. and while you still believed she didn’t give herself enough credit, you couldn’t help but smile when she reminded you just how much she loves you.
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nathaslosthershit · 2 days
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Teenage Angst (Dad!CL16)
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Summary: Charles Leclerc’s 16 year old daughter, Lila, has had quite the rebellious phase and the Monegasque just can’t figure out what to do. Luckily, his wife has some of the answers.
Charles loved his life. He loved his job. He loved his home. Most of all, he loved his family. But recently, his job seemed to interfere with his homelife and in turn impacted his relationship with his family. 
His family was well versed in the ways of having a husband and father as an Formula 1 driver. They were used to race weekends in exciting new countries, or race weekends spent on the couch as they cheered Charles on. Recently though, as his eldest daughter began to experience the highs and lows of teenage life, she began to resent her father for all the time he spent out of the house. 
Her dad was her most favorite person in the world but she hadn’t ever really cared for Formula 1. She liked watching her dad race and seeing all of the ‘honorary uncles’ she had gained over the years but without them she knew she would never have been a fan of the sport. So, when she began to associate it with taking her father away, she couldn’t stand to watch it anymore.
It had become a source of tension between her and her mom. Charles’ wife had tried her entire life to not force the kids into the world of Formula 1. If they didn’t want to kart, they did not have to. They didn’t need to try and follow in the impressive but expectant legacy their father was bound to leave behind. But they were expected to support their Dad. When Lila refused to watch the race with the family, fights would often break out. Her mom always kept her composure, not one to scream, but when she had a 16 year old trying to yell every hateful thing she could think of at her, it made it hard. 
After a particularly nasty fight, one where Lila was sent to her room and grounded, the tension in the Leclerc house was palpable. Even though his wife hadn’t told him about it, Charles could sense the shift the moment he walked in the door. He hadn’t been given a chance to inquire about it though because the moment he stepped foot in the entryway, he had been tackled by his youngest daughter, only 6 years old. His wife then too joined the mix, happy to have her husband back (and ecstatic to have another parent in the household to deal with her 16 year old). 
“Where is Lila?” Charles asked.
“Ah, she is a bit grumpy at the moment. I am letting her cool down before dinner, which is just about ready. Please quickly shower and get all the plane germs off before you sit to eat with us.” His wife demanded.
As Charles walked up to his room, he passed his eldest daughter’s bedroom and was about to walk in till he noticed she had locked the door, something that she seemed to be doing a lot more recently. Deciding maybe it is best she cools down a little, he walked right by.
Everyone, except Lila, was sat and waiting for the 16 year old to join at the table when after 5 minutes they decided to just start eating. When she finally walked down, she said a quick “hi” to her father, not even looking in his direction, before she started eating.
“Lila, why don’t you thank your mother for her cooking before you eat all the food she made?” Charles asked. Immediately, his wife tensed up, knowing that this would set her oldest daughter off.
“Why? She made pasta. It isn't exactly revolutionary or even hard.”
“She works hard to keep you both alive and happy each day. And the fact she put a lot of love into making sure you are fed well is something to be grateful for.” He was starting to raise his voice, which only caused Lila to turn her attitude up even more.
“She is just a stupid housewife living off the money you make, if it is so hard she can just hire help.” 
There was silence after this. Lila watched as her mother silently got up, tears streaming down her face, and walked into the kitchen, not wanting to cause a scene or have another fight with her daughter. Lila immediately regretted the things she said, once again just looking for the most hurtful things to say.
“Are you kidding me? I cannot believe that those disgusting things just came out of my very own daughter’s mouth! Why would you ever say such a thing about such a wonderful and loving mother? When the hell did this attitude develop?”
“Maybe you would know if you weren’t gone all the time racing stupid fucking cars. God, Dad, you have no right to try and parent me when you aren’t even here. Go back to Ferrari, they are the only family that wants you!” She was screaming now. Nothing she said was true, of course, she knew it, but she couldn’t stop till she made everyone feel as miserable as she did. 
“Enough! I am so disappointed and appalled by the things you are saying. Go to your room because I sure do not want to see you tonight!” At this, Lila stormed off, stomping up the stairs till she slammed the door. Charles could almost laugh at how cliche the whole situation was. Hormonal teenager upsetting her parents then storming off. But he couldn’t think about that now that he had his beautiful and sweet wife crying to herself in the kitchen, and his 6 year old daughter tearing up at all the fighting. “I am sorry, sweetie. Why don’t you go and put a television show on and I can get the special candy I got for you while I was away?” This seemed to do the trick as his youngest daughter immediately perked up and ran to the living room.  
Walking into the kitchen, Charles was met with his wife silently washing the dishes, but he could see how her body shook as she cried. She immediately melted into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.
“Charles, she has been like this for weeks now. It always is always worse when you are gone. I- I don’t know what to do. I feel like the world’s worst mother, always fighting and grounding her.”
“My love, it is in no way your fault. How she acted was out of line and I am so disgusted by it. None of what she said was true and I hope you know that.” He said, kissing his wife’s forehead.
“I know, I know. She is just trying to get us upset. I just don’t know how much more I can handle.”
“I am the worst husband for not being here. I am sorry, my love. If I knew it was this bad then I would have-”
“You would have what, Charles? You have a job that takes a lot of time. You will sometimes be out of the loop. And that is okay. You work hard to provide for us, so we can live such a nice and comfortable life. I heard what she said to you too. It wasn’t fair of her to get mad at your career. I think she is just upset that you are gone so often.”
“What do I do about that though? Retire? Because if it comes down to it-”
“No, no, no. You will retire when you are ready to, and that is surely not now. She is just hormonal and extremely emotional. Let me talk to her, I am sure she just misses her dad. You are her most favorite person, you know that right?” he nodded in response, “I would almost be jealous if we didn’t have a 6 year old who told me earlier today that I am the coolest person in the world, and that I was pretty enough to be a princess.” She joked.
“She takes after me, idolizes you in every way.”
“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Smooth Talker. Let me go talk to Lila.” With a chaste kiss to the lips, she walked away in hope of reconciling this whole fight.  
Luckily, Lila’s door was unlocked. But she was blasting music so hard that she didn’t hear her mother come in until she screamed when she felt someone touch her back.
“Relaxe, honey, it's just me.” Her mother said, turning down the music.
It was silent as she awaited her daughter’s response. Both women at a standoff, seeing who would crack first. Luckily for them it didn’t last too long as it was Lila who lost. She burst into tears, quickly muttering apology after apology at her mother. 
“Sweetheart, it is okay. I was hurt by what you said but I was a teenager once too. I said some pretty mean things to my mom. I understand that it sometimes comes with the territory.”
“Did you say mean things to your dad too?” Lila asked, hiccuping from the sobs.
“No, but I didn’t have as nice of a father as you do. I was more scared of him. You on the other hand have the most wonderful father, and you said some nasty things to him tonight.”
“He already is disappointed I didn’t take after him and start racing. He probably regrets having a girl.” Lila sobbed, breaking her mother’s heart. Those things couldn’t be farther from the truth. 
“Honey, you know how excited your father was when I told him I was pregnant with you? It was far too early to know if you were a boy or a girl, but Charles was convinced he would have a daughter first. There was never a single moment that he wasn’t absolutely thrilled to be a girl dad. It didn’t matter if you were ever a boy or a girl though, he never for a single moment cared if his kids would follow in his footsteps. He has lost too many loved ones to this sport, he was honestly a little relieved when you said you didn’t want to go karting. But he always hoped you would support him. He just wants you guys to be proud of him.”
Lila once again burst into tears at this revelation, thinking herself a terrible daughter for not being supportive. “He must hate me now. I- I have been so terrible to him.”
“You could never do anything to make him hate you. I think he is just upset about the things you said but he knows you don’t mean them. Go talk to him, honey. It will clear everything up I promise.” Lila’s mom said as she rubbed her daughter’s back.
After a long hug, the 16 year old Leclerc went to the living room where she saw her father watching a kids tv show with her younger sister who was happily demolishing a bag of candy. Once Charles noticed his daughter’s arrival, and that Lila clearly wanted to say something to him but was hesitant, he sent the 6 year old off to go find her Maman. As he looked back at Lila, her tear stained face and puffy eyes broke his heart, even if he was still upset at her. 
Before he could say anything, she rushed into his arms, sobbing out an “I’m sorry Papa! I didn’t mean what I said, I promise. I love you and love watching you race, I just miss you so much!”
Giving her a few seconds to collect herself, he kissed her forehead, tears threatening to fall as he replied. “Lila, I know you didn’t mean those things. It breaks my heart to be gone as much as I am. I love you so much, honey. I am sorry for yelling.”
Pulling away, she smiled at the revelation that she wasn’t in trouble with her dad. “I apologized to Maman too. She told me to talk to you. I am sorry I have been so mean to her while you have been gone.”
“I know. She is always good at getting us back in line, huh? You are still grounded for what you said though.” She laughed at that. Maybe it was a little too naive to think she would be in the clear now and punishment free. “Maybe though, you can come to the next race? Just me and you? I can try to convince your Mama to let you miss a few days of school.”
“Yes! I would love that. But only if I can visit Uncle Pierre at Alpine.” She demanded, giggling with excitement.
“If you step foot in any garage that isn’t Ferrari, you will be grounded for two more weeks” Charles joked… kind of. Maybe he would only ground her one week for that. 
This was far from the last fight they had, but they eventually got out of this hormonal funk Lila had all been in. They had to look ahead though because they still had another daughter to deal with once she became a teenager. 
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hannieehaee · 16 hours
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raindrops (an angel cried) (teaser)
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18+ / mdi
summary: being assigned watching duties over humans was usually a task reserved for high level angels. on jeonghan's first week of promotion, he finds himself far too curious about licentious human activities, becoming infatuated with his assigned human. what happens when his interest goes too far, it gets him kicked out of heaven?
content: fallenangel!jeonghan, jeonghan is your guardian angel up until he gets kicked out of heaven oops, infatuation, inexperienced jeonghan, even as an angel he's still a menace to all, heaven is super strict, afab reader, smut, oral (m receiving), mentions of masturbation, penetrative sex, etc.
(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)
wc: 936 (teaser); 11.1k (full fic)
release date: may 17th
or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!
a/n: angel!jeonghan was a must so here it is
masterlist | kofi/patreon
support me through a one time tip<3
"Who is that?", asked Jeonghan, apprehension in his eyes.
"That's your human."
"My human? I'm getting a promotion?"
"Listen, Jeonghan. I had to call in a lot of favors to get the higher ups to let you get this promotion. You better follow the rules to the letter. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Kwannie, I know," he rolled his eyes, "Why do you have so little trust in me?"
"I'm serious, Jeonghan. If you keep messing up, you might get kicked out of heaven. Do you really want to be down there with the humans? Being a mortal?"
Jeonghan couldn't help but think the idea sounded enticing.
He hadn't had too much exposure to humans thus far, but he had always had great interest in them. They just sounded so free and different from one another, unlike in heaven, where specific behavior was to be expected from every working angel.
Within heaven, you were either born as an elite sort of angel, – with all their angelic duties assigned – or you were born human and then admitted into heaven as an angel, getting to enjoy eternal happiness with your loved ones. Jeonghan, sadly, was the former. Having been born into an angel position, it meant that although his life was not miserable by any means, it was just a closed box of responsibilities to fulfill until the end of eternity. He truly envied all the humans-turned-angels in heaven, often asking them about their memories as humans and trying to live vicariously through them.
Due to his constant curiosity of humans, Jeonghan often got in trouble as he stuck his nose in places it shouldn't be. As an angelic being, Jeonghan's duties as an angel were mostly clerical, managing which human each angel would be assigned to as a guardian angel. Ever since being born as an angelic entity, Jeonghan's dream had been to be promoted into a guardian angel position. In his current job, the most interaction with humans he ever got was the ability to see a quick overview of their timelines in order to assess which guardian angel would be the best fit for them. His job was comfortable and stable, never causing him any trouble. But he wanted more. He wanted to be down there, on the playing field as he watched over his own human.
So he would cheat occasionally, maybe snooping into human's lives for more than he was allowed to. Sometimes he'd pause on certain bits that drew a little curiosity and simply observe. He'd also on occasion tried to make his way down to Earth, only to check things out on his own. All his attempts were always met with reprimands from his higher ups, claiming that a soul as curious as his own should not be near humans. The existence of angels was meant to stay a myth, after all.
When Seungkwan took him into one of the offices designated for guardian angels, Jeonghan had been shocked. He had been banned from being brought here a few years back, so it was a very well appreciated change of pace for him. What was even more shocking, however, was when Seungkwan led him into one of the sphere rooms, which contained a view of any and every human in existence in real time. The most shocking thing, though? The pretty girl reflecting on the globe, very deep in slumber as Seungkwan revealed Jeonghan's promotion.
"Her old guardian angel retired. Chose to move to the land of humans-turned-angels. Angel Jihoon was simply going to ask you to assign her a new angel, but I put in a good word for you, so he gave you the job. Don't fuck it up, Jeonghan. Do you understand?", his friend was quite stern as he warned him.
"Big words for an angel."
"Don't go puritanical on me, Jeonghan. Your behavior in Heaven doesn't matter. It's when you meddle with humans that you'll get in trouble. Just ... Please follow the rules and don't step out of line."
Seungkwan was right. From all the accounts he heard from angels who had died and gone to heaven, Heaven and Earth were quite similar. People held jobs, lived a day to day life, had relationships. There were a few stark differences, though. There was no suffering in Heaven – no illness, no tiredness, no debilitating feelings. Sure, frustration and annoyance were a thing (God knew Jeonghan had felt those things), but it was virtually impossible to be truly unhappy in Heaven.
Jeonghan had no problem with Heaven, he was just far too curious about humans to stay still and do nothing. He was not allowed to admit it, but he had always wanted to know what it'd be like to be human. To live through pain, struggle, confusion. He just wanted to experience it all.
Angels had no needs in heaven. Hunger didn't exist, neither did aging or an itch to do or feel things humans usually engaged in. For instance, while Jeonghan had heard of sex and romantic relationships, this was something that angels did not have the innate desire to feel, as they were born fulfilled in every sense. Human-born angels, however, brought their humanly experiences and emotions along with them to heaven, sometimes telling tales of such things, always drawing Jeonghan's curiosity to new heights.
Looking at you through the sphere, Jeonghan felt excitement at thinking of what humanly emotions you may be feeling. He also felt giddy at knowing that you would one day come to pass onto his heavenly realm, where he would meet you after having known you for the entirety of your lifetime.
...
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Hii! How are you?
I was hoping you could do a one shot or hcs for a platonic/sibling PJO thing with Percy. I was thinking this kid shows up at camp-half-blood (their age being like 11-13) and being like a carbon copy of Percy and everyone notices except for him. They become pretty close and during a capture the flag game the Reader gets claimed by Poseidon, and Percy is just in shock like: 😲 holy moly
I think it would be really cute and I love big bro Percy
The reader is gender neutral
This is completely /nf and feel free to delete it if you don't want to! Thank you so much! Remember to drink water and take care of yourself!
-Axel <3
Ahhh this is actually such a cute IDEA-
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Percy With a Child Of Poseidon Reader...
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When you showed up to camp, no one really thought much of it.
The Titan war was over, demi-gods were showing up left and right, getting claimed along the way.
The thing that was weird was your lack of the latter.
Weeks after you arrived you were still unclaimed, with no change in sight.
It frustrated Percy because the gods had literally JUST promised not to leave any kids unclaimed.
As a result, he decided to spend time with you, just because he noticed you were feeling slightly put out at your lack of a godly parent.
Percy seemed to be the only one who hadn't noticed that the two of you next to each other was like looking back and forth between a mirror of features.
Everyone else did though.
Annabeth really did try to just- nudge him in the direction that MAYBE POSSIBLY-
But no, Percy was as oblivious as a blind cat after you moved the furniture.
Honestly he liked hanging out with you.
It made him feel good to know he was keeping you occupied instead of thinking about not being claimed.
He felt like an older brother ironically enough.
He had you sit with him during meals, and during activities he was with the Hermes cabin most of the time to help you.
Your very first capture the flag was exciting for him,
Him helping you put on your armor before plopping am oversized helmet on your head was like a mother watching their watching their child ride a bike for the first time.
He was so proud!
Sure you tripped over yourself and fell on your face, but that's okay! Everyone stumbles sometimes!
You're doing great!
Honestly, it was his fault for not helping you tie your shoes.
It was safe to say, the two of you had sufficiently bonded.
Which must have been the reason Poseidon decided to claim you now of all times.
He must really like capture the flag if that's how he claimed both his kids.
Percy was floored, and incredibly confused.
Everyone else was more or less like, "yeah saw that one coming." and you were trying to look up at the floating trident over your head through your helmet.
Percy feeling a whirlwind of emotions.
Confusion, excitment, slight frustration- but mostly excitement.
He was confused as to how as a child of Poseidon you'd managed to stay alive this long.
Unless your mortal parent had also kept a Gabe around to hide your demigod smell.
The thought made him wince.
He was practically vibrating when he showed you around Cabin 3.
You'd seen it before, sure, but now it was your cabin as much as his.
He wouldn't be sleeping alone anymore and he was exstatic about it.
And he can't wait to introduce you to Tyson too.
And his mom, oh she's gonna love you.
Especially if your mortal parent isn't in the picture either by choice or tradgedy.
Percy was gonna be the best big brother ever, it was his job to protect you now, so he would.
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Ta-da! This is legit, the first thing I have posted in FOREVER holy shit, it felt SO good to write this out, like-
Anyway, all done! Here you go, I wanted to keep going but I figured it was long enough lol
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yandere-sins · 2 days
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How would it be if blade's darling had wanted to contact him, though? Maybe to try and talk about things? They probably wouldn't know about the mind reset kafka does, so when they try to contact him to set up a meeting they think he remembers them.
Oh my god, that just gave me the sweetest of images! Some yandere's love is just so pure, I swear ♥
»»———————— ♡ ————————««
Blade didn't really know why he reacted so fast to the unknown sound.
He usually didn't get bothered by that thing in his pocket, a device Kafka made him walk around with, telling him to check it regularly. It pling! and dundun! all day long, notifications appeared on its screen that he didn't usually react to unless someone mentioned him by name. Why would he? He knew his mission; there was no need to be in constant contact with the others.
Bing!
And yet, when a new sound rang in his ears, one he hadn't heard before, Blade stopped dead in his tracks. The guy he was hunting hurdled away, crawling through the pools of blood on the floor while the rain washed away the evidence of battle. Holding his bloody stomach, he watched the Hunter reach into his pocket, picking up his phone, unbothered by the massacre in front of him, almost as if he forgot about his target that took the chance to scramble to his feet, running for his dear life.
Blade gazed at the bright screen, his eyes hurting, but he didn't even notice the pain as he read the latest banner that notified him of a message.
we need to talk
The hairs at the back of his neck stood straight as he read those four words. Blade's mouth ran dry while his breathing stopped. As if he had to hear better, every one of his motions ceased, and the sounds of the constant traffic in the distance vanished. He felt fury build up as raindrops landed on his screen, the words vanishing. Yet he didn't understand why.
Bing! Bing!
He flinched. Even a second time and repeated, this sound differed from when Kafka or Silver Wolf tried to contact him. He didn't remember it ever ringing out before. A slight shake of nervousness went through him, followed by a spark of excitement. Before he knew it, he was reading the message—eager, desperate.
[Location sent]  meet me here tonight, we really have to talk. i want this to end, you have to...
The message preview stopped there, and Blade snapped out of his trance. Slowly, his eyes trudged to the sender's name, but it was only a culmination of unfamiliar numbers. He looked at the time next, and with a twinge of disappointment, he realized it was early noon at best. A shaky breath escaped him, and for the first time since he got the notifications, he looked up into the dark alleyway before him.
It was quiet, no more breathing of his enemies. Yet, he could hear his own blood pounding in his ears and feel the desperate grip on the sword he still clutched onto. It had not been drenched in the blood of his target completely, yet, he didn't feel the yearning of finishing a job.
Instead, Blade felt compelled to go.
Where to, he didn't know. Somewhere, or precisely, where he should go, but he had never opened the message he received with the location. All he knew was that he had to go there. His legs moved on their own, steps splashing in the wet puddles on the ground. By the time he walked out onto the busy street, his sword had vanished, but not that feeling of urgency pushing him forward.
What were those feelings? Why did they keep aggravating him so? His head hurt as the lights of the cars flashed by him, taking in every moment of his pain. He should stop. He had to call Kafka. Something was wrong, and although he couldn't pinpoint it, it would be dangerous to continue on this unfamiliar path on his own.
Reaching into his pocket, he felt the little device vibrate against his fingers, followed by the now-more familiar Bling! he began to dread yet anticipate at the same time.
don't chicken out this time! just come and let's talk... i know you can see my messages
Staring at the message for a moment, he let the phone sink back into his pocket, never bothering to reply. You knew he was going to come, and he would. He wouldn't miss it for anything in this world.
You?
Who?
His legs carried him onwards into the unknown, but something told him that he knew exactly where he could find you, even if he didn't remember. Something inside him knew, and this feeling grew and grew stronger until it robbed him of any reason. There was a pull on him so strong, he couldn't help but pursue it—hunt it.
You, whoever you are, were his next target, and he had to have you. All to himself. Pressed against his marred body, engulfed by his shadow, never to be seen by anyone else again. Never to be touched unless it were his fingers resting gently against your skin, and never to be tasted unless it was on his lips and tongue. If he must devour you to have you all to himself, he would. And he would tear you down and ruin you to the point that no one would dare to take his prey away from him.
Blade had to have you. Savagely, violently. All to himself.
He didn't know who you were or what you wanted from him. Why you contacted him, or how you even knew about this pitiful creature with a heart beating so fast that he felt real fear for its safety inside of him. But he'd find you, have you, and destroy you.
And he couldn't wait to meet you.
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In your Lucky Clover AU, would Starlo join the Royal Guard because; A, it would give some validity to his sheriff claim and; B, so that he could get word and try to deflect any investigations for the missing human that the Royal Guard launch.
This was such an interesting ask I really had to sit with it for a while. Huge ramble ahead!
So, this idea fascinated me solely because this is a little bit of what the situation is with Martlet in this AU. After Clover decided to live in the underground post Pacifist ending, she put in her two weeks and quit, since she does NOT want to risk being ordered to kill or hunt down Clover, or any other humans for that matter.
It's something she struggles with a lot; not only because she's jobless for a while and probably has to ask for financial assistance from Dalv/Ceroba/Starlo, but also because she KNOWS being in the Royal Guard would give the gang some insider intel on the missing human investigations. Maybe it would've been better to tough it out in a job she wasn't content with just to get that info, to protect Clover? While her friends reassure her that this was the best decision, for her and for Clover's safety, it's something Martlet struggles with for a while, especially considering how some Snowdin Monsters side eye for her suddenly leaving her post and job.
Now, for Starlo. If the situation called for it, would Starlo try and join the Royal Guard? Perhaps if there was no other option! He's the kind of person to go above and beyond for the people he cares about, sometimes to reckless degree. However, I think his relationship with the Royal Guard is far too sour for him to ever be considered for a job with them, based on this line from Ceroba.
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Dude literally has made a habit out of locking Royal Guards in his town's jail. Undyne is NOT accepting him into her ranks LOL. (I honestly HC that although Undyne and Starlo have a lot in common and some similarities, they probably would hate each other if they met or were forced to engage in conversation with one another LOL).
As it stands in the AU, none of our main cast has any connections to the Royal Guard, as much as they would like having some kind of way of getting side info, in order to protect Clover. Martlet is in a weird spot with her old co workers, and Starlo's pre-Pacifist ending habits and way of running his town had pretty much killed any chance of that. The best they can do is just keep their eyes and ears peeled in order to ensure no Royal Guard ever discovers Clover secretly living in the Underground.
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razorblade180 · 1 day
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Safe Bet
[Swarm Disaster V]
Qingque:I heard you like to gamble?
Aventurine:You could call it the spice of my life. Let me guess, you’re betting I will do well?
Qingque:Oh that’s way too simple. We will have no healer.
Aventurine:…What?
Qingque:I tend to try to take things easy but after numerous failures here it’s only natural to form plans. I’m not betting on you doing well, I’m wagering your ability to protect us long enough for us to gather blessing I need plus curios.
Aventurine:And how long to you typically last in here?
Silver Wolf: The first elite. Sometimes we make it.
Sparkle:If we get resonance. Though your fellow gambler over here has gotten much more reliable since our last attempt.
Aventurine:..Alright. Let’s do it. Should be fun. Let’s see what’s about curio option number one!
Nullify attacks
QASS: (Oh shit this might actually be the run…)
Floor 2
Aventurine:Little lady, is there any reason why you refuse to keep a shield?
Silver Wolf: It’s not my fault these enemies understand who the real threat is. I’m alive aren’t I? Good job, but I recommend investing in speed.
Aventurine:Learn to take a hit.
Qingque:Don’t sweat it guys. It’s time for the easier part. *presses downloader*
Acheron:Hey. Oh, it’s you.
Aventurine:I think that’s my line. To think I’d get your aid in a place like this.
Acheron:I’m just here to cut through the fodder and potentially give you a chance to win it big. Consider me your guide.
Aventurine:We’re bound to get lost then.
Acheron:Heh, then I guess you’ll be getting enough blessings. Stay close.
xxxxx
Knight of beauty appears
Aventurine:Well would you look at that!
Sparkle:Okay, so I typically don’t care how far these runs go, but if you somehow ruin this I’m actually going to be disappointed.
Aventurine:Oh you know a situation is dire if I have a Fool acting serious. I was already planning on proving my value anyway.
Floor 3
Silver Wolf: Well it’s be real everyone. Don’t really need me for that oversized bug. It’s got every weakness you need.
Sparkle:What an interesting way of saying “I am a liability.”
Silver Wolf:It’s simple strategy. We didn’t come all this way to gain nothing. I’ll just cheer from the bench. Qingque, don’t miss your crits. *
Qingque:I literally can’t.
Silver Wolf:And don’t eat too many points. *leaves*
Qingque:…No promise. *hits downloader*
Ruan Mei: Shall we begin?
Aventurine:All this talent and you needed my help?
Ruan Mei:Have you ever felt the wind shear of a Swarm Disaster? Some people say it’s like a personal hurricane on your body.
Qingque:I’m “some people”
xxxxxx
20+ Propagation blessings. Various Curios, interplays achieved, and additional blessings gained. Danger level Eight
Swarm buzzing violently
Qingque:I’m gonna be honest guys, I don’t know if I’m trembling because I’m nervous, or because this is about to be pretty spectacular. Aventurine, if you would? *holds out tiles*
Aventurine:Heh, you really want all the luck possible huh? Alright then, strut yourself.
He leans over to his left and gently blows on the pieces.
“Let’s play a game!” Qingque tosses them into the air and twirls as metamorphosis begins; catching the pieces as they fell. Without stopping, she throws out a four of kind then immediately flicks her wrist like a slite of hand trick to reveal another set of tiles to throw.
The experienced gambler watches the girl pass the tiles between her hands twice before throwing another eight, killing a bug and keeping the pace by tossing a new set once before suddenly slamming down a tile that shakes everything and hands her another four of a kind she quickly turned into eight. It’s still her turn. Gambling is partly a numbers game, and Qingque has clearly crunched them.
Aventurine:(Oh shit…)
Sparkle:Wooooo! Don’t stop the fireworks!
Three more tosses before another hit! No worries! Qingque happily took a single tile and beamed it another insect before slamming down another that caused it to explode. She tossed her set to a corner bug as she took another break turn to eat up all four points before hearing Sparkle laughing as she topped off the difference.
Qingque: Can’t stop won’t stop!
Another eight tiles exploded and knocked the main bug down briefly. Aventurine was thinking he didn’t need to be here, until it got back up and tore through the shield like paper. Without hesitation he let his wealth pour down like rain and redeployed a shield. He confidently scoffed, but Ruan Mei could see his hand twitch in his pocket.
Ruan Mei:Fear is a healthy way of understanding your current situation as well providing alertness. Are you alert?
Aventurine: Vividly. *stacks shield*
Ruan Mei:Welcome to the Swarm Disaster.
Qingque:You get a front row seat to VICTORY!
1,500,000
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anonymocha · 2 days
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Medbleu headcanon medbleu because you made me like this one more (Ex Balloon Party Baby Blue believer)
Baby Blue is KLS representation (I think) how cool. It's a very rare condition where people get so tired all of the time and will be asleep from weeks to months basically. Her way with living and coping with her illness has made Medicine Pocket a lot less morbid about their own condition and enjoy life more.
Baby Blue is more calm while Medicine Pocket is more limbic. Even though Baby Blue struggles between reality and her unending dreams, she has sleep-talked Medicine Pocket out of doing all kinds of awful things to themselves by slowly repeating back their answer to 'what are you doing'. Medicine Pocket wants to be someone she can depend on; they are more careful and steady when thinking of Baby Blue
Medicine Pocket, in turn, keeps Baby Blue safe when she is unaware of her surroundings. It was really crude at first but after they figured out it was impossible to change her condition they became more protective rather than bothered by the constant dreaming.
Baby Blue has a hundred nicknames/petnames for them. Medicine Pocket isn't confident with coming up with these names but she gets so happy whenever they come up with a new one. Blue's favorite name for them is 'Puppy'.
very wholesome..... Baby Blue requires Medicine Pocket to sleep with her for at least 6 hours a day. She can be little a clingy when Medicine Pocket comes home.
also also Blue mistook Medicine Pocket for a wonderlandshark at first and after she presumed them as such they had to step out of the room to try not to cry and explode thats True love .
📣Good Night USA
This is so important to me you have no idea ooouuuhhh 😭😭😭😭😭 I never thought of a proper proper wholesome dynamic between them to this extent and now I am enlightened…
This is a LONG post you have been warned. The MedBlue brainrot is SUPER REAL.
OK I CAN IMAGINE BABY BLUE CALLING THEM PUPPY IN THE SWEETEST SOFTEST SLEEPY VOICE EVER FULL OF GENTLE LOVE AND ADORATION… IM GONNA CRYYYYY AND MELT AND EXPLODE… Mental support Baby Blue is real (both in a meta and metaphorical sense).
I also like how she’s, in her own way, helping to keep the researcher in check. Someone has to keep her safe, therefore they also should keep themself safe so that they can be there for her. Yes, they love their job and the delightful dangers it brings with it. But they also have a person dear to them waiting for them. Also, in my headcanon, Medicine Pocket shelters a lot of supposed-to-be-experiment dogs at Laplace so they got to get it together for their pups, too (I imagine Baby Blue napping together with their puppies at the Laplace fields occasionally… Puppy tea party… Somft…). They want to take care of her and their pups, be dependable, and protect them. They used to think that this protection comes at the cost of their own wellbeing but NUH UH. Baby Blue's presence and words remind them that there are dangerous thresholds that they don't need to cross, no matter how 'logical' it seems.
She wants them to sleep with her an adequate amount of hours, therefore they cannot fuck up their sleep schedule by pulling impulsive all-nighters (I’m guilty of this too whoops). These two would get! Cozy! And Baby Blue would softly sleeptalk nonsensical but calming tales from her wonderland to help them sleep. I assume bedtime stories aren’t a very common thing in their childhood, especially when they got taken away with the beagles. So Baby Blue's whimsical, imaginative antics would be like taking back tiny but meaningful pieces of their lost childhood, stolen by a life of cold, clinical, and dangerous research. After they started sleeping with Baby Blue, her warmth and comforting stories allowed the researcher to get not only much-needed sleep, but also sating a yearning. A yearning for coziness and unconditional peace they likely brushed aside for a long, long time through the span of their childhood to teenhood.
On Baby Blue, a lot of people likely gave up on her. Doctor after doctor after doctor shook their heads and raised their hands after examining her condition. Teachers, friends, and even strangers are bewildered by her, calling her crazy, and treating her as more of a 'case study' or 'phenomenon' than an actual person. Those who did stick around her for a while couldn't stand her constant dreamings and tendencies to isolate, they either took it to heart or found themselves drifting away from her. It took her a while but she convinced herself that she was used to it, wonderland and its dwellers were her true friends after all. But at the same time, I feel like she would still realize that she's living in two worlds, and recognizes her loneliness in one of them. She tried to not think about it for a while but it likely bit at her some nights. Medicine Pocket may be the only doctor insistent enough to stick with her for longer than many others before them thanks to their stubbornness and curiosity. That's enough to get her attached to them, to say the least.
I WOULD LOVE TO SAY MORE THINGS ABOUT THESE TWO (such as her wonderland and their research on it, Baby Blue getting curious on Medpoc's research which led to them infodumping, more Baby Blue interactions with Medpoc's pups, Medpoc protecting Baby Blue from weirdo doctors at Laplace, etc etc) BUT I MAY NEED TO SLEEP GOODNIGHT INDONESIA 🔊THANK YOU ANON FOR THE ASK FEEL FREE TO SEND ME MORE OMG THE MEDBLUE BRAINROT IS REAL!!! I want to write a fic abt these two SO BAD. I want them to BE HAPPY!!!
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july-19th-club · 1 year
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me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like#a pretty obvious case of the autisms#then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later#everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible#a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it#which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age#but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something#whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it#or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me#but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder#they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit#i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things#the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum#he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space#and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like#her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?)#but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often)#she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name
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puzzlekinq · 26 days
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cant sleep because im seething with anger
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#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel#if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins#basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating#off topic but yeah#i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around#idk. whatever#why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years#but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol#all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic#and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her#because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15#maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life#but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me#every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight#it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred#and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes#*life
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candlebel · 2 months
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#to this day...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent
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paintedvanilla · 10 months
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I feel really sick and ill about the guy at work who won’t take the hint actually like I’m home now sitting in my room and I feel Terrible. physically nauseous.
#like. I’m a recent manager I’m a very New manager#but even so. i was a manager when we hired him.#i was fresh like literally 3 weeks under my belt but even so#i interviewed and hired and trained him As His Manager#and he was super normal at first he would only ever text to ask questions about the job or the campus#but then he fucking. saw me on bumble.#so now he knows I’m single and available.#and actively looking for people. and he thinks he is people.#and he keeps asking me to hang out outside of work#he keeps talking to me about how at his last job he literally dated his boss#and like I’ve been joking about it up until now but it does not feel funny anymore it’s making me feel ill#bc today we worked a class together and afterwards I’m gathering my stuff and he was like#hey if you wanna hang out I’m down. I’m not doing anything. i get really bored and kinda lonely. wanna hang out?#and I was stunned into silence I didn’t know what to say I could tell he wanted me to commit to something Right That Second#and finally I just kept being like oh maybe. um maybe. idk maybe.#i felt soooo backed into a corner about it. and I was talking to juno and they pointed out. that he probably thinks I like him back#but I’m just shy. and/or deterred by being his manager.#and now that they’ve said that I 100% think that’s what’s happening and I’m so. I’m so. I’m so fucking upset about it.#i do not know what to do I think I might try to talk to our big boss about it but he’s just always so busy#i feel like an idiot#op
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Thank you for your service re: gender flipped Steve P*ggy scenes. I’ve tried explaining this to people and they just don’t see a problem cos ‘it’s cute’ and ‘she likes him’.
(XX) Thank you for telling me, glad someone appreciates it! The Femme-Gaston is super strong with this one.
It’s really disheartening to see what a double standard there is; resistance to admit that X behaviour is just as creepy when a woman does it (IRL or in fiction) as when a man does it. Not feminist!
An actor who gropes his female costar both on set and on stage and it’s just... laughed off? 
A male character who has one (1) conversation with a woman, self-professedly not interested in dating, but after she has a makeover and becomes trophy-worthy, he immediately decides to put his hands on her to cop a feel (*totally in-character because the actor playing him is a creep who cannot be trusted to keep his hands to himself around his female co-stars). And then he turns up again months later, only now he’s acting as if she told him he was her One True Love, the first time she ever spoke to him? Like she had given him a Secret Signal that she only belongs to him, now? 
Then, after being rude to her friend (because he doesn’t want to fuck her, so why be even civil, right?), him becoming jealous and physically violent when another man sexually assaults her at work (something he’s already done to her himself remember?) Blaming her for it? Refusing to admit his hypocrisy when confronted? Then assaulting her as ‘punishment’ for her lack of apology or public shame? (And sighing as he finishes, like it’s sensually satisfying for him, and funny; like it’s Just. After which, she is now carrying his photo in public... but looking disquieted). And then him re-enacting her sexual assault himself- oh but it’s okay because she belongs to him, he likes her, he probably just thought she just needed a little push, and anyway it’s his turn?? 
Horrifying.
But if a woman does all that ^ to a man, while looking pretty...?
#tw assault#toAyourQ#hey nonny#antipeggy#antisteggy#p*ggy meta#mcu meta#mcu critical#steggy is hydra trash party#I really do not give a shit if the actress & writers think it's cute it's not it's messed UP 😬#and to carry that genderbend through to its natural conclusion:#in the meantime... everything HE fucks up at his job? the girl's fault#failed to spot saboteurs it was his job to spot because he was too busy peeing a circle round her to keep MALE doctors away? her fault#failed to hit said saboteur with five separate shots? her fault#his rubbish air drop plan failed and she jumped before he wanted her to? her fault#his lower rank and subsequent inability to give her orders? her fault#his shitty communications failed and he got told off by his boss? her fault#any wisdom or support any other person ever offered her? never happened it was only he who mattered in her life#all those other men whose quotes he passed off as his own? no he didn't that was HIS wise speech#his legacy organisation failed? oh that's not HIS fault that's something 'we' rather mucked up#that terrible nazi he hired and happily worked with ACROSS THE MULTIVERSE? oh he was 'in CHARGE' but he wasn't 'RESPONSIBLE'#and just because he got TWO OR THREE JOBS from his posh bro and his daddy's friend the senator and his BFF the billionaire#just because he attended a GOOD BOARDING SCHOOL does NOT mean he is PRIVILEGED OK#he is entirely a SELF-MADE MAN who pulled HIMSELF up by his bootstraps#he is JUST as discriminated against as that poor disabled orphan irish-catholic inner city girl#and anyone who says different is just a MISANDRIST#right??#dat's me#yet each man queues the thing he loves
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ereborne · 2 years
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Rejoice!  Rejoice!
I have been granted permission to do Periodic Experimental Restructuring of the Greater Database!
If I save my changes too soon I will have to redo everything coming from HR going to Payroll by hand by myself while sobbing, and if I save my changes too late IT will disarticulate all my limbs!  But within the ideal window, I can do anything I want!!
The actual literal word-for-word directive I received from the IT supervisor was “if you’re willing to put that on your head, then sure. go ham”.  I’m gonna go ham.
#yapping tag#every two months there is a thirty-four-hour window#between the last structured reports HR pulls and the IT turnover that returns the system to blank-slate default#(should any database ever be intentionally wiped of all data and returned to a factory reset? no#should it happen every two months regardless of what else is going on? absolutely not#do we have to do it this way because the system is inherently faulty and a controlled rollover is better than collapse?#I'd lose my job if I gave my honest answer to that one!!)#I realized almost a year ago when they first gave me database editing access (they didn't know me yet. they didn't expect this)#that if I could get authorization to make changes during this window I could do anything I wanted#meaning I can change the foundational structuring of the database and run pre-formatted reports rather than manipulating data after!#sort of!#I keep thinking 'this is going to be so much easier' but that's not actually true I'm actually adding a ton of work to my plate#but it's work I really really really want to do and it's going to let me look at correlations of which I have only dreamed so#I'm going for it#and uh not to get ahead of myself or risk my employment status and all the bones in my body but uh#if I someday come up with a change I'm confident is only an improvement then I could put it through late 'accidentally'#and then it would just be part of everyone's database for two months which is you know a pretty handily delineated trial period...#and then if nobody complains/people like it..........I could add it to the base template and it would be there forever.......#my hope my dream my legacy: subtle quality-of-life improvements for everyone around me (that don't make IT skin me alive)
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yuribalisms · 1 year
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I need to uproot my entire life and start from scratch or I’m gonna go insane
#‘haha funny joke post’ excpet…. not really#I’m coming to the realization that I am just Not happy where I am and I don’t think that’s gonna change so long as I’m here#and that’s why I keep spiraling into intense depressive episodes when I haven’t done that since I last lived with my mom#part of it is my job I hate it and it’s draining the life out of me and they’re working me into the ground#I literally can’t even take time off because they don’t allow it until you’ve worked there for a year#but also there’s no BETTER job opportunities here#and I finally decided what I want to go school for but also there’s no schools here that offer it…#the closest one is in my home town four hours away as some sick fucking cosmic joke#and I’m so…. so lonely#I feel so disconnected from literally everyone around me#I know my friends care about me and I’m important to them#but again it’s that sense that I will NEVER be the most important thing in their life someone else will always be that#I mean… I’ve never EVER been the most important person to someone before someone else has always mattered more than I have#which especially sucks when I feel like I only know HOW to be close with someone in an extremely obsessive way#where I would do anything for them but that’s not necessarily returned#but… I just think it would be nice to have a relationship with someone where the entire time I’m like ‘yeah but they would never do x thing#for you because they already have a person they would do that for’#(said person usually being a romantic partner)#and I’m just… tired#I’m tired of it and I want it to stop I want to be somewhere I don’t constantly feel like shit and go through frequent periods I wanna kms#and I think I’m gonna have to move for school anyways so…. So what if I really DID just start over somewhere else#I worry I might end up in the same rut but also I’ll never know if I don’t try#and I’m not happy here I don’t think I WILL be happy here I just want to live with/close to someone where I feel like I’m a priority#and my wants and desires are treated like something just as important as theirs#I dunno… maybe I am just in another really bad depressive episode again but….#I feel like I need to change something to avoid falling back to everything and everyone I normally do#kaz rambles
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pepprs · 2 years
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literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now
#purrs#scotus leaked draft + buffalo shooting + dallas shooting + uvalde shooting + monkeypox + covid cases rising + losing my last 3 weeks of#college and graduation + losing my freedom for who knows how long and moving back home + friends and family getting covid + pushing myself#to the limit finishing my capstone + watching my loved ones suffer with the situations in their own lives = is it ethical to bring children#into this world is it reasonable to think that i will one day live with autonomy again and find a romantic partner and have a pet and enjoy#my life and see all the people i love doing the same. all ive been able to do this week outside of finishing school my job application etc#is doomscroll about the shootings and covid and monkeypox when i really should be doomscrollimg through my fucking save tag that i curated#specifically to counteract these situations and give me reasons to find hope but i don’t have the strength or see the point bc im only gonn#lose the hope again. but i know there’s a point but i can’t get myself to see it and maybe it’s bc km just so exhausted but idk. and one of#the WORST parts of this is that if the job works out i am going to have to understand that people will look at me differently part of which#means that people — STUDENTS like i just was 2 days ago!!! — will look to me expecting that i have answers or at the very least hope and i#literally do not have hope right now and after national events this month i don’t know if i’ll ever feel hope again. so it’s like fuck i#wont be able to do my fucking job that i feel called to do and want to do more than anything lol. but i already won’t be able to do it bc t#the chances that i can go to [insert convferwrnce] when it involves being on a plane and navigating people who won’t wear masks are so low#and * already snarked about it to me yesterday which really hurt my feelings like i don’t think she was trying to be mean but it’s like yes#the fuck i can hide in the van forever i do NOT want to get covid. but i also do not want to miss [conference] and it’s just so stupid that#im going to have to keep making these choices because this nightmare country has decided covid doesn’t exist anymore. idk lol#i know everything in my life could be a lot worse and also that it is objectively WORLDS better than it was very recently bc i graduated an#im done now. but this month has sucked so unbelievably bad and June is also going to be hard and im just scared i will never be happy or#hopeful again or that every time i am something new will knock it down (which is a given living in the usa lol) and that it would be#unethical to try to do the BASIC bare minimum things i have always wanted to do in my life. lole#negative tw#ask to tag#abortion tw#shooting tw#mass shooting tw#monkeypox tw
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