#I know all good things come to an end

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking. #nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference #anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose. #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #isat loop #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #isat nille #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #doodlebyte #---------------------------------------------------------------------- #anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!) #which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around) #and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but #They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt) #and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good #(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit #distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally #stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine) #the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly. #but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief) #as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur #BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule #which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation #ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.

[ineffectualbookseller]

The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field

It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work

and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you

your work is trivialized

and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over

or when your complaints are dismissed

and you get more of the same from upper management

it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day

It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity

The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again

(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)

Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off

#(I want to note that I am coming at this from my personal experience as a woman #but I know femme neurodivergent and disabled folks of all genders face these same issues) #along similar lines I have tons of feelings about how often Aziraphale hides his hands when talking to other angels #to hide his stimming #and look I try not to tie everything back to explaning why Aziraphale ended s2 the way he did but apparently I can't #its just the juiciest character moment to me #also thinking about how angry Crowley was at Gabriel when he was treated like this once #granted shut up and die already IS the worst thing Gabriel has said to Aziraphale but if Crowley knew how much of this was going on... #aziraphale #good omens #go2 spoilers #good omens meta #Thanks to folks who responded to my tags on that post because you really motivated me to find these screen caps #and finish this post which has been sitting in my drafts for ages #also sorry so many of gabriels faces are funny I cant help that jon hamm is comedy gold - i refuse to let it undermine my point

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[plaid-maniac]

Do you ever think about how there totally could have been an old classmate of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth in the audience during like turnabout sister or turnabout samurai. Do you think they would realize? Like “hey, were those the guys in my class in like fourth grade? I kinda remember them. Wonder if they remember each other. But it was so long ago, I doubt they would even care.” Meanwhile Edgeworth and Phoenix are undergoing the most insane mental battles where both of them are going “I recognize my best friend across the courtroom and I desperately want to be close with them again.” And “god he is so god damn annoying I wish he would die already.”

#ace attorney #miles edgeworth #Phoenix Wright #not specifically ship so I won’t tag it but kinda ship if you get it #the classmate usually sits in courtroom trials because they love the drama #and honestly they like miles Edgeworth’s cases cause ‘hey I know that guy’ #but of course they don’t like go up and talk to him cause they weren’t really that close and he left kinda abruptly #cause knowing someone for like a year in elementary school and then pestering them about why they left 15 years later is a weird thing to do #course Phoenix comes in and now the classmate now has to deal with the knowledge that the defense and prosecution used to always eat lunch #together and play superhero’s during recess with that really weird kid who was always up to no good #what if one day the classmate was like ‘maybe I should introduce them to each other again. sure that we would all get a laugh or two in and- #-that would be the end of it and they would continue with their lives as normal people. they certainly wouldn’t get super gay and awkward- #-about the whole thing and just be completely chill.’ #god what would happen and Edgeworth v state? #the classmate would probably leave the third day like ‘I am a changed person. I can never go back to not knowing so much about this person.’ #and like they wouldn’t be able to say or do anything cause like??? how do you even have that conversation??? #‘hey I know you don’t remember me but I like sitting in the audience of courtroom trials and I was there for your case and I just want to- #-ask are you good? like honestly do you need someone to talk to?’

[canisalbus]

Look, I know it's supposed to end badly. But I need to admit that in my head, they declared a mutual "fuck this shit" to the world and society. Packed all the stuff they could one late night and escaped to a remote open plain in the middle of some thick woods where they spent the rest of their lives healing and living freely in nature.

I've been having a lot of intense feelings about them as well. The tragical elements are so baked in to their story and setting, it's hard to imagine a happy ending for them. But every now and then I find myself thinking of scenarios and AUs where they both live and grow old together. For coping purposes, I suppose.

#for real though I've had several crying sessions over them during the past couple of weeks I'm not kidding #that's how you know you've perhaps gotten a little too emotionally invested in your characters #two entirely fictional dog men whose fates I have complete control over have reduced me to shambles #the unfortunate truth is that from a storytelling point the whole thing works better as a tragedy #the sadness makes the happy moments more significant and the happy moments feel bittersweet because of the sadness #for all intents and purposes they're classic star-crossed lovers #neither of them have done anything to justify such a wretched end though and I just want good things for them #I think I might have to come up with an alternate ending where Machete has the sense and chance to resign before it's too late #and move to Florence to be closer to Vasco #or maybe they both go back to Venice where they originally met that might be nice #maybe not realistic but it'd be nice #answered #dragonfoxgirl

[cryptvokeeper]

don’t get me wrong I think the general interpretation of Leo being like “I put up a cocky front but deep down I don’t actually think I’m that great and that’s why I have something to prove” is good. It’s cool, plenty of drama/angst potential and probably what the creators were going for, I’m here for it.

But there is a distinct appeal to me of the slightly-to-the-left interpretation of Leo being like “it’s not a front, I know I’m that good/smart/skilled, but I also know I’m seen by others as just the goofball face man and that’s why I have something to prove.”

#Rottmnt #Wild metaphor incoming but it’s like the difference between a hersheys bar and fancy Ghirardelli or something #At the end of the day they’re both chocolate. But ones got a bit more depth. #where was I going with this again idk I got caught up in food metaphor #It’s like. With the first one it boils down to character A (in this case Leo) going “I’m useless because I’m not good at [thing]” #Resulting in those around him either going “of course you’re good at thing! Remember the time you were good at thing?” #Or sometimes “it doesn’t matter that you’re not good at [thing] we love you regardless of what you can provide” #And again THATS GOOD THATS SOME GOOD SHIT #I LOVE THAT #but with the latter it’s more like “I know I’m good at thing *but I don’t know how to prove it to you*” #And that gives you the best of both worlds where you CAN get character A feeling bad but not for their lack of thing #But because if no can see it surely they *must* be doing something wrong right? #And ALSO you get the characters around them getting all sorts of feelings of “we didn’t do enough to show we believe in them” #Or “we didn’t notice how hard they tried” #Cuz you can get that a little in the first one but it can come off as kinda meh cuz they didn’t actually do anything wrong #It also has more opportunities for emotions besides straight sadness #You can have anger and conflict of “why am I not good enough for you?!” #That straight sef deprecation doesn’t always allow for #You can also have jealously and envy that feels less toxic and more justified #Not that it strictly needs to be justified mind you #Sometimes some toxic feelings stemming from perceived inadequacy are fuckin *chefs kiss* #But again it’s abt the VARIETY yknow #This isn’t even about Rottmnt anymore I’m just rambling #It’s my post and I get to choose the bullshit tags

[b4kuch1n]

the king shunned, the lion dead, the knight lost, the princess absent. but the wizard lives.

#pokemon #swsh #champion league #cw: gore #hi! this one is also about being trans btw. but mostly it's abt stories #I think I was drawing this one like ''leon should get to have fun a little'' and it turned into. this #well. there are many things already! like I've been rotating the lion dance costume head as trophy thing in my brain since #that one doodle I did with that lion head #the original idea for this has the wreaths more prominent and also pizelated #and. it tried to incorporate something that needs much more delicate handling #than I'm currently capable of. so I shelved it for this instead #I think this piece is just like. fully linking the king-knight-beast-princess-wizard figures altogether for leon #u know what I think abt all that! u kno whats up #but also just a tiny bit. this was drawn with that whole once-a-month disk horse abt sexing skeleton remains #about which my only real thought is ''I gotta be buried in a solid metal salmon suit then'' #well. if I were to be buried at all. I'm good to be thrown out for a natural meal as well of course #(technically) first piece after job babey!! #in the end the tiger wanted to be drawn first but this was started way beforehand #I think because I wanted something more ink-heavy. since my job art was almost entirely painted #to anyone who may come into my inbox or comment to ask why the bones shine: its cause theyre wet. congrats #have a good night lads! it's nice and cool to be gross sometimes

[rustchild]

ok i get the desire to push back against annoying dominant christian interpretations of the torah/old testament. i really do. however i also wish that people would stop being like “actually, the jewish perspective on this is--” before listing off one (1) jewish perspective, usually either reform or humanistic, that also happens to be the most politically convenient and moral according to the standards of tumblr. like y’all if anyone tells you that there is only one jewish interpretation of something you should know that they are probably wrong, there’s at least one jew out there who would vehemently disagree with them, and also judaism is a complex living culture that you really should not put on a pedestal

#like. yes the binding of isaac can be interpreted as a test that abraham failed. that's one interpretation #discussed in some sects by some rabbis #however. #there very much are also jews who interpret it as #a sign that jews specifically must be ready to sacrifice anything for g-d #in order to hold up our end of the covenant #there are jews who interpret it in completely different ways as well #like i can't list out all of them because #i don't know them #and am not a theologian or rabbi or even all that observant #so my interpretation isn't going to be very helpful #but can we please not oversimplify judaism to present it as the Good Abrahamic ReligionTM #it's a complex living tradition with a whole wide range of different ideas #some of which i personally hate! #because that's culture for you! #the one exception to the 'one jewish belief on x' thing is like #messianics #we basically all do not like messianics #or like. We Generally Agree That Antisemitism Is Bad #but when it comes to biblical interpretation? #four jews twelve opinions #always #jewish things #something something leftist philosemitism

[novantinuum]

gnawing at the bars of my cage

can we please Stop telling SU blind reactors all the fandom drama and SU crit that came out of every episode so we can allow them to just enjoy the show like a normal person at their own leisure and make their Own opinions thank u

#anyways if i see a SINGLE person comment anywhere from SU s3 to s5 that 'warning the end of s5 is rushed' i will rush right in with #'IN YOUR OPINION' #bc like i know i've beaten this dead horse against the wall a million times but It's Not Rushed Honey it's literally just Fine #it's an Ending #it's Entirely Serviceable #rushed would be if steven pulled a deus ex machina out of his ass at Garnet's wedding and magically healed all corrupted gems by himself #with the power of uwu or whatever #but NO he has to work for his healed corrupted gems #the ones that caused the damage Fix the damage as reparations for the harm they perpetuated #steven learns he is Not His Mom and gains a more stable sense of self #that's all p good and thought out shit to me #i think the ONLY thing that i can remotely point to as potentially 'well damn that was a lot all at once' #was the new fusions one after another. but like come on. why you gonna be mad about that. just enjoy it and have fun brenda #they thought they literally had No More Story and wanted to leave the fans this one last gift #and instead what they get is fans whining that it's 'rushed' #rushed has a shit ass connotation these days #why can't we just say what we mean and call it 'lean storytelling' #it's all the story we needed to get a cohesive ending but without any fat #and like i LOVE me some fat sometimes #but like!! even non fatty meat tastes good! #my god #jen rambles #edited tags to clarify my meaning ahahah

[pippa-frost]

Crowley first sheltered Aziraphale under his wing Before the Beginning.

Then, on the wall, as it starts to rain for the first time, Crowley starts to move towards Aziraphale first, and then Aziraphale lifts his wing to shelter him.

But, also, Aziraphale doesn't protect himself from the rain, he just stands under it.

So.

Do you think Aziraphale doesn't mind the rain because it's Her creation so it can't be bad? But neither him nor Crowley knew whether it might hurt a demon?

Or.

Do you think Crowley knew/remembered Aziraphale and was like okay it's your turn to be the umbrella now? And he just took a chance to see what would happen?

Do you think Aziraphale remembered Crowley and thought why yes of course, it's my turn now, it's only fair? Or do you think he saw/felt Crowley moving and assumed that's what he wanted?

Or.

Do you think Crowley doesn't want rain on his wings cause they still hurt from the fall and Aziraphale gathers this might be the case and down't want Crowley's new black wings to hurt?

Or.

Do you think it was just..instict? For both or them?

Or-

...I could do this all day.

#Good Omens #Crowley #Aziraphale #Good Omens S1 #Good Omens S2 #I don't think the GO team ever thought these questions would be one of the many things to come out of their master piece #but here i am #like i thought maybe they saw the humans do it but this is the first rain #maybe they saw adam and eve splashing water at one another? #or maybe similar things were done before the war? #it's not that i need an explanation #it's that i fucking love them so i would love to know their entire thought process since their creations to the end of times #especially in regards to one another #like...what were they thinking #cause at some point all they start thinking is obviously fuck he is so pretty i love him #but what were they thinkinh in that moment??? #i need a copy of Aziraphale s diary #of all his.. diaries? diarys?

[sysig]

Shapes never felt so good (Patreon)

#Doodles #Wander Over Yonder #Wander #Sylvia #Lord Hater #Ahhh ♥ Finally the results of my scribbly warmups coming to fruition #I wanted to make a comparison of how on-model I could get everyone first - thus the doubles from the last set as well #Yeah some of those were meant to be a bit wilder....like I said those were my warmups lol here's where things started getting good #It was still an uphill battle but Wander was where I broke - after his big ol' pile'a sketches anyhow. They weren't quite what I was after #But after a point I just got double mad and started making up weird shapes! #And ended up happy with them :D #He looks quite different but I rather like all those aspects of him haha #Squinty eyes and claws and sharp teeth and a bit of a mullet haha #He's a hippy he deserves a mullet as a treat #And a pipe for good measure #And then if Wander was fun Sylvia was on another level <3 #She has something of a Thraddash thing going for her which was not what I intended especially since I've never drawn a Thraddash #But I mean I'm not mad about it lol the Thraddash are pretty cool :) #I think her bottom lip is the real deciding factor there - it's a cool overlap shape! Very shape! #And I know she's got a comb but fluff was too fun not to try fjdsklafd #I do really love how Wander hugging her turned out there haha <3 They're so cute #And finally a differently stylized Hater! Heck! The sharp cheekbones sticking out from his hood is so fun to me haha #And I'm quite pleased with the how the little divot under his chin's shading turned out hehe #I haven't shown off much of my Skeleton Dance stuff which is a shame! They're so fun! So feel free to interpret that one how you like #I had that image of Wander leaning on a running Sylvia very strong so I'm glad I was able to do it ♪ Buddies

[mickeym4ndy]

i am once again thinking about Mickey & Mandy’s mom

#what was she like??? #were they close with her #how did she end up having kids with Terry?? #what happened to her?? #is she alive?? #I hc that she’s alive and comes back into their lives as adults #also is her name actually Laura or is that just a fanon thing we’ve all accepted #Mickey Milkovich #Mandy Milkovich #shameless #shameless US #it seems like she tried to give her children love and a good childhood based on what Mickey said about Christmas #I NEED TO KNOW

[springlock-suits]

Fnaf-tober | Day 27: FNAF Movie

The fnaf movie was so good you guys!!!!!!! DEFINITELY going to draw more Steve Raglan in the future, so for this prompt I decided to go for something that I probably won't draw in the future. Enjoy a bb and my very silly little theory

Fnaf-tober by Miiilowo

#my art #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's movie #fnaf movie spoilers #five nights at freddy's movie spoilers #balloon boy #i do definitely think garret was the one who said come find me. bb may be a stretch tho #bc like. Garrett was the only kid we never saw. we dont know what happened to him at all #another guess would be springtrap #due to sl mike saying he was going to find his father. but i believe the garrett more #esp since the letters like that are a kids souls thing #cpuld also be the puppet. for sure #those are the 3 main options i think #i hope its garrett i want to see what happened to him #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #eye contact #edit: good call on my end to draw this now. because ive already debunked it for myself 👍. 'come find me' was absolutely the puppet #probs still could be garret tho. who knows

[seagull-scribbles]

Was inspired by @mushtoons HC’s and came up with my own silly little thought 💙💅❤️

#TMNT #TMNT 2012 #leonardo #raphael #mushtoons #okay so I was looking at all of mushtoons Leona stuff and spent like 14hrs straight Saturday coming up with my own story and headcanons #which I have shared with them but cba ever doing anything with #but that was like an origin story for this being a like weekly occurrence in the TMNT sewer household #and then yesterday I doodled in while painting my nails on the train #I know I’m terrible but regardless #when I got to where I was going I saw an old friend who loves turtles and she mentioned how I have a thing for nail polish #and she’s right btw I do so since it was relevant I shown her this as a wip #and at the end of the day we had a deep convo but she also gave me a massive pep talk #because she doesn’t have tumblr and doesn’t see my stuff much #about how good I’ve gotten and how I could pursue this seriously #so I also wanted to finish this for her #also also also #me and my twin watched 2012 when it came out and out faves where raph and Leo #so this one silly thing has so much personal meaning in it aaa #oh also if you know the song they’re singing your cool ily #wow with all these tags I probably could have just out the story behind this in the tags oops…..

[pandorem]

Listen. Listen. Crowley picking up Aziraphale bridal-style and visibly struggling because he is a weak toothpick but both he and Aziraphale like the game they play of Aziraphale being the damsel in distress and Crowley being the dashing rescuer and/or roguish scoundrel rescuer too much so they are both delighted anyways

And then real shit goes down and Aziraphale scoops up Crowley like he weighs a feather and runs off with him and they both discover they like that too, very much

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #I know everyone is sad about the season 2 end still but to this day I cannot believe that my theory that Aziraphale and Crowley both #really REALLY liked the whole damsel/rescuer thing they played sometimes #like that was deliberate and they both got something out of it #anyways all interpretations of Crowley and Aziraphale when it comes to enjoyment and interest in making an effort are valid #but let’s hear it for ace couples who still get kinky representation #disclaimer because this site: this is in no way meant to be a slight against aziraphale’s weight #he is chubby and he is lovely for it but I don’t think that would have any bearing on angelic vs demonic strength

[naranjapetrificada]

This is going to be long so the short version is this:

I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.

My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.

So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.

When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.

There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."

The grief.

The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).

It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.

Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.

But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?

Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.

And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.

And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?

And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.

Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.

I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.

#not to be dramatic #but I definitely worry this might still be dramatic #my therapist is great #but the problem with a good therapist #is that sometimes they will fucking read you #and then you get whiplash #don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy #you never know what might come of it #or how much it might shake you #I should also be clear that all this grief in a story with a happy ending isn't a bad thing #it just kind of is #and when you enjoy it #just enjoy it #every moment of joy is a gift #no matter the context #go ahead and grieve yourself #also I couldn't find an elegant way to fit this in #but the storytelling is very neurodivergent #or at least unfolds in a way that is friendly to my neurodivergence #that's why I'm not a big TV watcher anyway #but I was able to sit down and mainline this #it's the first new show I've watched in literal years #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #our flag means death meta #🤯🤯🤯 #😳😳😳 #disenfranchised loss