#I know it’s hard to believe but I do read books that aren’t lotr

[lovely-v]

i was at a bookshop yesterday buying three books and the cashier looked at my stack and went “oh one of my favorites! oh another one of my favorites! oh three of my favorites !!” and all i could think was

#Veesaysthings #books #bookstores #the books were: neverwhere by neil gaiman. war of the worlds by hg wells. and rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard. #I know it’s hard to believe but I do read books that aren’t lotr #hall of fame

[kingjasnah]

What are your top five fantasy series that you’d recommend to someone who’s pretty new to that genre?

srry this took a while but i gave it a lot of thought! this is a tough question cause it's pretty subjective, like what id rec to someone depends on their interests or what they'd read outside of fantasy or even their age, but here's an imperfect list:

Way of Kings (separate from the stormlight archive), Brandon Sanderson: wok is still imo THEE fantasy book for people who dont like fantasy. i can no longer in good conscience recommend the entire series cause ob onwards cosmere knowledge becomes almost necessary and that's too big a commitment to spring on someone new, but I have seen this work in practice. I know three separate people who loved this book despite not reading fantasy before. It's to give a reader something epic but also clear their mind of the idea that fantasy world building is solely reliant on a tolkien model.

Tamora Pierce's Tortall books: I would be remiss if I didn't mention the absolute power fantasy series of my preteen years so if the person u are reccing to is younger and wants a comforting arthurian aesthetic you cannot do better than literally any of these. My personal fave is protector of the small but song of the lioness by rights should be first. they are dated but like.....i do think people should read 90s fantasy just to know what's up

The Broken Earth trilogy, N.K. Jemisin: the whole time i was reading this i was like......ok this is my new fantasy for not fans rec, but imo this is the ideal stepping stone for people who read lots of sci fi but don't read fantasy. the series exists in the midpoint of left hand of darkness and earthsea. I think it could be good for new fantasy fans still just because 1) the prose style and the pov is interesting enough to be a drawing factor in itself 2) the magic system tricks you, you get a decent primer in hard and soft varieties just by figuring out what's going on 3) it does the best job of having not only modern english but also a full lexicon of planet specific jargon that never feels confusing

The Lies of Locke Lamora, Scott Lynch: i don't think this book/series is perfect and it's very literally a bit of a boy's club of a book but let's just say if you really really really really like heist media and thief crew dynamics, this is a good starter that'll lead you into the genre....personally its definitely a book i reread for Fun often

Wyrd Sisters/Going Postal/Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett: i want to make it clear i am NOT reccing all of discworld. i would never be like 'oh you don't like fantasy? here's 40ish books making fun of tropes you don't know' like clearly I'm a huge fan but i picked these three specifically as the ideal books to give to someone as a starter. this is easily consumable, non confusing fantasy. As for which one, it gets subjective and yes i know everyone says to start with guards guards but the dragon book is NOT one you're going to want to give to someone who doesn't have a history of liking dragons

English majors/Shakespeare fans/gay people who love Hamlet....go for wyrd sisters. it's very funny but it works the book around both hamlet and macbeth so it's very sinister at the same time.

For people who genuinely don't want to read fantasy cause the magic/mythic elements feel too silly, go postal. i don't know a single person who dislikes this book. it will make u think about public services, you know, like the post offices under capitalism.

monstrous regiment is my personal favorite. it is a war tragedy. so yeah give this one to your lesbian friend but also give it to the one person in your life that's read the things they carried more than once.

But I believe that it's way better to recommend fantasy based on the person you want to read it too....like i recommended Pratchett's Soul Music to my bestie because of their encyclopaedic music history knowledge. Someone gave me Priory of the Orange Tree because i had just finished a ten week seminar on spensers the faerie queen (the ideal way to consume that book by the way). if somehow you have a friend who plays dnd but somehow doesn't do the required reading give em Mistborn and a magic system to chew on. read lotr in general. fantasy is so full of sub genres literally any book can be a good starter if a potential reader can engage and relate to plot they already know that they like💕

(feel free to add ur own recs to the tags/notes there really aren't any wrong answers here)

#this is very long not sure if i should use a cut...... #i almost put sword of shannara instead of locke lamora btw........almost but it's not a good starter its lotr for 100 pgs

[janiedean]

Amazing how you can erase and twist everything someone says and not even bother to check things before launching in your 1000 words answer where you repeat the same things over and over again. When I say “Theon’s story is about destroying death”, I AM talking about his trauma and abuse. I’m not saying that Theon is a superhero, I’m saying that Theon’s story is literally about surviving and saying no to the dying of light, he’s always been trapped between life and death. How is that less meaningful than Jon being AA just because he’s special. Jon is stereotypical, not matter how much you deny it. He is the bastard son of the “good” Ned Stark that everyone seems to venerate, he becomes important, he’s actually a prince, and heir to the kingdom, he’s going to come back from the dead and apparently it’s not enough because he’s also AA. Also “I search for AA and see only Snow”, how is that not a red flag? Didn’t you think that it could be about Ramsay hiding Theon? I didn’t say that everything is about mythology and ancient literature, I said Theon has a lot of connections to it, connections that are hard not to notice, that actually make sense and are not taken out of nowhere like everyone in this fandom does. Theon’s story is about himself, not about Bran or any Stark, you’re just obsessed with throbb. Theon is connected to magic and to the gods, Theon is the rightful king of the Iron Islands, so why it’s so amusing to people when someone suggests that Theon has something to do. I’m not saying that Theon has to be important for his story to count, but why it’s so amusing to people the idea that Theon is an abuse and rape victim and at the same time he has something to do. When it comes to female victims, they want them to do great things, when it comes to Theon they constantly reduce him to poor say boy, but Theon is not like that, Theon is in pain and he wants everything to end, but he’s also angry and he wants to be free. I didn’t say that he has to explore the sea because he’s an Ironborn, you said that, not me. I think that that’s something Book!Theon would want to do if he survives everything. Because he would be free and he would go into the unknown. That’s not true Theon has no connection to the sea, the Drowned God himself wants him as king and he likes ships, there’s also the fact that he never learned how to use a ship because he was kidnapped at 10. Also what’s so wrong about him connecting with his culture? He could change things, he wouldn’t be a viking, he would be an explorer. The way you talk about it, it’s like dealing with trauma means closing himself in an house. And about the prophecy, what’s so amusing about saying that Theon has a lot that fits? I know that the prophecy is vague, but Davos and Stannis don’t come close to it as Theon does. Theon died in almost every possible way and managed to come back on his own. He keeps saying that he died in Winterfell. Read the last chapters in ACOK, it’s all there and it all happens at the same time, and still there’s so much more, so many things. And it’s like this HAS to be true, but you say no to everything, you don’t even think that he has something to do with the Iron Islands, you just think he has to “atone” to Bran, so how are you different from D&D? Theon doesn’t have to atone to Bran, Robb or anyone else called Stark, his story is about identity. And Bran is talking to Theon and yes, Theon took Winterfell, but it’s not the only reason their stories are connected, Theon taking Winterfell from Bran was a foreshadowing to them interacting in the future for different more important reasons, that was always clear to me

... anon never mind that I hadn't talked about this in ages so like you came into my inbox with some 500 words of replying at 8 am on a sunday morning and idk how *I* am supposedly twisting things when

you brought this out of nowhere

I hadn't talked about the AA thing nor anything wrt theon's ending in like... a year

you are basically making up half of what I said or didn't because like 'oh I didn't say he had a tying to the sea because he's an ironborn' but two lines later you say 'what's the issue if he reconnects with his ancestry' which.... means that he'd have a tie to the sea because he's an ironborn so what's the truth here

'you're obsessed with throbb' I didn't mention robb once in my entire answer nor throbb nor I have written throbb meta recently like... I ship throbb but I don't see how that has any relevance to an answer where I literally didn't mention it and I said theon's sl can't be just about the starks

idk why you seem to think I have great stakes re jon snow and 'he's stereotypical no matter how much you say he's not', I'm saying that for a chosen one archetype he's a deconstruction so he's not stereotypical in the way h*rry p*tter is or aragorn is or whatever and it's like objective text and honestly I have fic to write and stuff to do and I could have like completely ignored your ask and said 'I think you're wrong' instead yesterday I spent half an hour answering you like... you don't need to sound that aggressive or come at me with this entire block of text when I wasn't even the one starting this conversation

what’s so amusing about saying that Theon has a lot that fits?

anon I explained in those 1k reply or whatever all the reasons why everything theon has that fits is something every single other character has at that point dany has the exact same reasons for fitting it and I told you all the reasons why jon has extra things that fit that no one else has, like.... it's my opinion, I haven't changed my mind since 2012 on it, you aren't going to change it and no one is until grrm writes different, you don't need to convince me or look for me to validate your reading because you can have whichever reading you want and no one stops you, I just don't think it's correct, the end

The way you talk about it, it’s like dealing with trauma means closing himself in an house.

anon you keep on saying I say that but you are aware that if I say I want char X to get their little house in the village/woods/city of their choice and grow strawberries with their loved ones and be happy I'm not saying what you said and I'm talking abt endgame? jaime and brienne both also deal with trauma and when I say that I hope they get married on tarth have fifteen kids and never set foot in a court again I'm not saying having children is the only way to deal with trauma like.... one thing is the endgame one thing is how you get there, where did I say theon is gonna lock himself in a cottage in wow and stay there until ados? nowhere, like.... please a bit of chill here? you read a thing and arbitrarily decided it meant stuff it doesn't mean but I am the one twisting and erasing? like sorry but it sounds like you want a fight about it or smth and believe me fighting about who is AA is not on my list of to-do things for today, also 'I died in winterfell' is like... yeah, theon greyjoy died in wf then he became reek then he became theon again, it's metaphorical, jon literally died, also like if AA wasn't a main fiver then it'd probably be someone completely out of left field that no one gaf about and for that matter there's a character who has been dying and coming back to life who has a flaming sword since like acok, but do I see you telling me it's textual proof beric is AA? no, but that would make more textual sense than theon imvho so *shrug*

in short: anon sorry but it sounds like being that theon is your fave - which... I mean he's in my top three so I agree that he's a great fave choice - you want him desperately to have the main role in the main storyline which is imvho not the case and again... even if jon was stereotypical (which we can argue on but like... from your wording I think you hate jon ngl which fair enough everyone has their dislikes) it wouldn't make the textual evidence less evidence and like... idk how to say it nicely but not liking the protagonist is more common than not and if you don't whatever but that doesn't mean he's not and that the textual stuff indicating he has the mystical hero storyline doesn't exist, I'd suggest you make peace with that concept and with the concept that your fave doesn't need to have any specialness in their sl to be a legitimate fave, also like... in asoiaf everyone who is special™ has a shit life and when grrm says he wants a bittersweet ending like in lotr, do I have to remind anyone what was lotr's ending? samwise gamgee goes back to his little house and children and wife in the shire and says he's home and we're all happy that the dude who deserved it most got it great, if that's what he's aiming for I really don't think presuming everyone gets the magical great™ storyline is in the cards X°D but most of all: again, everyone who's had a sl being full of magic prophecies and shit in these books has had a crap life and hated every second of it that was related to those prophecies and I want theon to be happy at the end so in lack of any imvho text proof that says it's anyone but jon I'll stick with that because it means none of my faves is in line to hate their life, which is exactly what happens to jon if he's AA and exactly what I think is gonna happen and I don't particularly like that for him either bc I do want jon to have nice things but idt he'll get them, doesn't mean I'm trying to find any textual reason to decide on my own that AA is dany (a char I care a lot less about) so that she gets the brunt of it because that's now how it works, I made peace with it too X°D

#1 #2 #34 #5 #6 #anonymous #ask post #ch: theon greyjoy #ch: jon snow #honestly anon i'd ask myself why you're so invested in this you're looking for a fight #bc that's how you sound like #*shrug* #peace

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

#if you ask I will write a whole goddamn essay on Boromir #and why his death means more to us as we get older *whispers* babe I want the essay

Why must you always enable me I love it never stop. So. Wow. Where to even start. I rant through my tears about how much I love Boromir every time I watch Lord of the Rings, which I do about once a year with @captainofthefallen. Every time I watch it, his death means more to me, hits me harder, and I think that’s because the older we get, the more we identify with Boromir.

Here’s the thing. In all honesty, as a kid (I first read LotR when I was eleven, first watched the films at that age as well), I wasn’t too fond of Boromir. Oh I liked him all right, he was fine I suppose, but I didn’t connect with him. I was angry when he tried to take the One Ring from Frodo, and I cried a little at his death because death is sad and I was a kid, but it didn’t devastate me.

Because as a kid? I wanted to be Aragorn. The reluctant king who rises up and does the right thing, always. The guy who gets the amazing (be still my bi heart) Arwen, the Evenstar, fairest of the elves. The guy who literally kicks ass. The man who is noble, honorable, thoughtful, good with his words, humble, knows the burdens of leadership, who stands up and says there will be a day when the courage of men fails, but this is not that day.

I wanted to be the hero.

I noticed this trend among my peers growing up. We all loved Aragorn and wanted to be him. Boromir was sort of dismissed.

But then a funny thing happened, called getting older.

I got older, and I fucked up.

I got older, and depression hit.

I got older, and the weight of societal expectations, of being an older sibling, of adult responsibilities, of legacy, of family secrets, of family history, all settled on my shoulders.

I got older, and I learned that men are not always honorable, or kind, or humble, or the leaders they should be. And I learned how hard and desperate it is to continue to believe in the strength of men.

I got older, and I learned how temptation comes for us all, in different forms, and how we hurt people without meaning to, and how sometimes for all our regret and tears and apologies, we cannot mend what we broke.

I got older, and I leaned what it is to be forced into a role I didn’t want, to feel I’d hit a dead end, to struggle against those who had different views, to feel like people could look into my heart and see the anger and fear that I tried so hard to hide.

I got older, and I realized: I’m Boromir.

We’re all Boromir.

Tolkien was very deliberate with his characters. They aren’t just characters, flawed and wonderful though they might be. They also each represent something very specific. Aragorn represents the Ideal. The hero that we all can be, the hero that we should strive to be, the vision of mankind as we are supposed to be, if only we can let ourselves shed our hubris and our doubts. Aragorn represents who we should be.

Boromir represents who we are.

Flawed, frustrated, burdened, tempted, struggling, setback, good intentioned, afraid, angry, kindhearted, noble, loyal, and painfully, beautifully human.

Boromir went to the Council of Elrond reluctantly. He shouldn’t have gone. Boromir is a war leader, as we learn after his death. He successfully fought for and defended Gondor from Mordor for years. That’s where he belongs. Faramir is the quiet one, the diplomat, the “wizard’s pupil,” the soft-spoken and patient one. Note that even in the film version, which shows a differently characterized Faramir than in the books (Tolkien heavily based Faramir on himself), Faramir only wants the One Ring in order to give it to his father and win his father’s pride and affection–he doesn’t want it for himself.

If Faramir had been at the Council and Boromir had stayed in Gondor, everything would have gone differently, and possibly for the better.

But the Steward of Fuckwits aka Boromir and Faramir’s father decides he wants Boromir to go, to represent their family, because Boromir is the son he values and is the “face” of Gondor. So Boromir sets aside what he wants, and he goes. And the whole time he feels out of place, feels like a fish out of water, feels second to Aragorn, feels lost, feels terrified his city will fall while he is gone, feels like the race of Men is being mocked and looked down on as weak.

How many of us as we grow up are stuck like that? We can’t fix our family (although we try), we can’t fix our broken country (although we try), we can’t get rid of the doubts and fears that whisper to us (although we try), and we can’t stop feeling like we’re constantly second best, constantly failing, looked down on, especially the millennial generation.

(Given what’s happening in the world right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tolkien found himself surprisingly similar in outlook and feeling to our generation. But that’s another topic.)

And of course that’s the key. Boromir–darling, frustrated, stuck, fatally flawed Boromir–is so very relatable because he tries. He tries to teach Merry and Pippin to protect themselves and then tries to save them and dies for it. He tries to convince Aragorn (who at that point is more elf than man in his outlook) that there is no reason to give up on his people, their people–and he succeeds in that, although he dies before he gets to see it. He tries to make his father proud. He tries to apologize when he fucks up. He tries and he fails, and he tries and he succeeds. And the most important things he does, the biggest seeds he plants, he never sees them flower.

Like my God, the man’s last words are I failed. I failed you, I failed Frodo, I tried to take the Ring. I’m sorry, I failed. That hits me so goddamn hard in my mid20s and it’ll hit me even harder when I’m older, I’m sure. How many times have we said that to people? “I tried to help him.” “I tried to reach out.” “I tried to apologize.” “I tried to stop them.” “I tried so hard.” I tried, I tried, I tried. For the job, for the friend, for everything, I tried.

And I failed.

I have a laundry list of things I tried and failed at, and God, do they hurt. Sometimes it was something out of my control, sometimes it was my own behavior. And that scene with Boromir, the flawed man, staring up at Aragorn, the ideal hero, and begging him, begging him, “save them, they took the little ones, find Frodo,” begging him for forgiveness, apologizing for his failures?

Talk about a fucking metaphor.

We make our ideals in literature so that we have something to look up to and strive for, for others to strive for. Boromir falls prey to the ring, but Aragorn does not. You did what I could not. Of course Aragorn did. He’s the ideal. And we beg our ideals to be better so they can show us the way and hopefully, maybe, someday, we can be like them.

I had so many heroes growing up, real and literary. Sara from A Little Princess. Aragorn. Lucy from Narnia. Nancy Drew. Harry Potter. And so many times I would look at myself in the mirror and cry because I knew, I knew if I stood in front of them they would be disappointed in me. I knew I wasn’t being the person I could be. I tried, I failed, I tried, I failed, but my God I swear, I tried.

As a kid or even a teenager, we still see mainly who we want to be. Our ideal. And I hope that we never lose sight of that. I love Aragorn and my God am I going to keep trying to be like him, and like all of my other literary heroes. We need those heroes, we need them so badly, and the darker the world gets the brighter we have to make them shine.

As an adult, though–as an adult, we start to see not only who we want to be, but who we are, and who we could’ve been, and how we failed to be, and the paths not taken and the paths that were lost. And that’s important too. Because Boromir died convinced he was a failure. Convinced he was, truly, the weakness we find in men.

And he was… but he wasn’t.

Without Boromir, Aragorn wouldn’t know what happened to Merry and Pippin or where they went. Without Boromir, Aragorn would’ve had no hope in the race of men. Without Boromir, who would have carried the hobbits up the cold mountain, or taught them how to fight, or said give them a moment, for pity’s sake! Who would have defended Gondor for so long, or loved his brother with a ferocity that Denethor’s abuse couldn’t knock loose, and inspired that brother to keep fighting even as the light faded and the night grew cold and long?

Aragorn carries Boromir’s bracers throughout the rest of the trilogy, right up to his coronation, where he is still wearing them as he is made King. Because Boromir might not have seen it–we might not see it–but we tried and we failed but we didn’t fail at everything. Lives are made brighter for our presence. The world is better for our gifts and our convictions. And no fight, even a fight lost, is done in vain.

The remains of the Fellowship ride to Gondor not just because it’s the Right Thing to Do, but because it is the city of their fallen brother, it’s Boromir’s home, the home that above all he gave everything to defend. Boromir doesn’t want the Ring for power, he wants it so his home will be safe, his family will be safe, and God who can’t relate to that, as we grow older and we see our families and friends attacked and scarred, as we have children and want them out of harm’s way. Who wouldn’t be tempted to seize the chance to keep them safe?

I see so much of myself in Boromir. And I take hope. I take inspiration. I cheer through my tears as he is hit again and again with arrows and each time he gets back up on his feet and grits his teeth and you can see him thinking not today. As a child I thought Boromir was selfish but as an adult I hear him use his last breath to apologize to Aragorn and call him his brother and his king and I see he’s more selfless than he ever gave himself credit for being. Boromir sees only his faults, but we can see what he doesn’t, we see his positive impact and we see his virtues, too.

Because as an adult I’ve failed, and I want to believe that like Boromir, I’ve also succeeded, I’ve also been more than just my faults–even if I can’t see that yet.

Aragorn is who we should be. But Boromir is who we are.

And my God, we should be proud of that. Because Boromir is a damn good person to be.

#mads answers things #Lord of the Rings #LotR Meta #Boromir #Boromir meta #I cried just thinking about Boromir while writing this #Boromir is a goddamn hero #a tragic one but a hero all the same #and I will hear no different #extasiswings #I'M A FUCKING IDIOT WHO SAID MORIA INSTEAD OF MORDER #FUCKING FUCK #I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2021 | Part II

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal. I think the first one was 2011? Maybe? In which case, woohoo, ten years of scrapbooking!

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 80 books (as of today, i am at 31 books, which sounds not great but goodreads assures me that it’s only 1 book behind schedule), finish five video games (at two at the moment... mostly because I keep dragging my feet on actually finishing P5R), write more than 20 fics (at... 6) or something larger than 20k (negative), and write either an original short story or start a novel (i have started plotting for the novel? does that count?)

Past Years

MOVIES

May

Mortal Kombat

(SW: The Phantom Menace)

(SW: Attack of the Clones)

(SW: Revenge of the Sith)

(SW: Rogue One)

(SW: A New Hope)

SW: Clone Wars

Enola

Wonder Woman 1984

Dark Phoenix

(Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring)

June

(Princess Mononoke)

Sailor Moon: Eternal

In The Heights

Wish Dragon

July

Luca

(Thor: Ragnarok)

(Doctor Strange)

(Guardians of the Galaxy)

Black Widow

Space Jam 2 Electric Boogaloo

August

The Green Knight

Godzilla vs Kong

(Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

BOOKS

May

These Violent Delights | Chloe Gong [Fin]

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig [Fin]

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within | Becky Chambers [Fin]

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott

People We Meet On Vacation | Emily Henry [Fin]

The Soulmate Equation | Christina Lauren [Fin]

June

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott [Fin]

September Love | Lang Leav [Fin]

One Last Stop | Casey McQuiston [Fin]

The Chosen and the Beautiful | Nghi Vo [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 2 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

For the Wolf | Hannah Whitten [Fin]

The Sandman | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater

July

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater [Fin]

TAZ: The Crystal Kingdom | The Mcelroys [Fin]

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav

August

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan [Fin]

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 3 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 4 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

PODCASTS

May

The Penumbra Podcast, s3-END

June

The Magnus Archive - Fear Winners 1 & 2

July

Gods of Appalachia, Eps 1-6

(Wolf 359)

Janus Descending

August

(Wolf 359)

Mabel

(Zero Hours, ep 7)

Time:Bombs

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

May

Watcher Entertainment, Are You Scared?

Castlevania, s3, s4 [Fin]

Word of Honor [Fin]

Buzzfeed: Kelsey in Control?

Demon Slayer, s1

June

Demon Slayer, s1 [Fin]

Kim’s Convenience, s4

Leverage, s5 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3

Loki, s1

Lucifer, s2, s3, s4

Trese, s1

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime, s3, s6?)

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural, s1)

Sweet Tooth, s1

Love, Death & Robots

July

Loki, s1 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3 [Fin]

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Shark Week

Lucifer, s5

Masters of the Universe: Revelation

August

The Owl House, s2

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Watcher Weekly+

Buzzfeed: Ruining History

Star Trek Discovery, s1, s2, s3

What If..., s1

VIDEO GAMES

May

Monster Hunter Rise, 12 hours

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, 25 hours

Pokemon Go

June

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, ? hours

Pokemon Go

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, ??? Hours

Persona 5 Royal, ??? hours

July

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

August

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

Ori and the Blind Forest [Fin]

DELIGHTFUL FIC

May

The word is help. by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 9k | In a flash, Fett has his blaster out and pointed at Luke’s head. “You’re right,” he says. “Turnabout’s fair play. So maybe I oughta shoot you.”

Don’t be afraid. by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 12k | “Padawan Kenobi,” Yoda says, after a moment. “Complete your training, Master Skywalker will.”

who carried the hill by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 22k | Din’s about to head up the ramp onto the newly-repaired Razor Crest when a string pulls taut around his heart and yanks him into the sky.

Tapestry by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 8k | In March, Obi-Wan drags Anakin to another faculty party, where Anakin gets all sorts of wrong ideas about Quinlan Vos and decides to fellate Obi-Wan in a coat closet about it.

wonderterror by peradi | Star Wars | Leia/Han/Luke | 6k | Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force.He’s half human and half something monumental.What does that make his children?

Xen Gardens by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan & Shane | 1k | Shane Madej saves the day.A strange man comes to congratulate him.

A Series of Better Decisions by SassySnowperson | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 9k | "Kill him. Kill him now!" Chancellor Palpatine hissed, as Anakin held the two blades against Dooku's neck. "No," Anakin said. "It's not the Jedi way."

Futurus (-a -um) by cadesama | Star Wars | Padme/Anakin/Obi-Wan | 60k | Cracked hyperdrive? No problem. Just hold it together with the Force. Time travel? Well. That could be a bigger problem.

Comfort in Wartime by Rosbridge | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 4k | Obi-Wan is exhausted, drunk, and just about out of fucks to give.

spark me up, i'm a firework (i'll burst into light) by coffeeinallcaps | FATWS | Bucky/Sam | 7k | "You know how the super-soldier serum makes everything, well, super? I guess you could say that's what happened to my sex drive."

Thaw by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 6k | That’s what hope does to you, Luke remembers now. It lingers at the back of your mind, whispering maybe, maybe, so that knowing a plan is stupid isn’t enough to keep you from trying it.

Christ in Repose by spqr | Din/Luke | 8k | More on this story as it develops. Subscribe to HNN’s JEDI WATCH newsletter for instant updates on Jedi sightings throughout the galaxy.

Insufferable by perkynurples | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Wen Kexing asks a question. Zhou Zishu only hesitates to answer for a little while.

parasitic, parasocial by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang | 45k | Xue Yang stumbles upon the channel of Fuxue, a popular videogame streamer, and immediately becomes completely and utterly obsessed with him. Unfortunately, Fuxue has a boyfriend -- but that's fine: Xue Yang loves a challenge.

Aaron Burr has Hamilton's RSI and he isn't pleased about it. by DragonBandit | Hamilton | Hamilton/Aaron Burr | 3k | Aaron knows 2 things about his soulmate: The first is that they're angry about everything. The second is that they need to fucking sleep.

dinluke lawyer au by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 31k | At 1:18 a.m., just when Luke is starting to think he might’ve gotten away with something, Biggs Darklighter shows up on the other side of his desk and says, “I can’t believe you called in sick to get shotgun married to a Mando.”

like, comment, subscribe by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | Lord of the Rings | Gimli/Legolas | 90k+ | Legolas meets Gimli for lunch - unfortunately, he meets someone else, too.

a jackal; a thief by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Ye Baiyi | 11k | This is not the first time Wen Kexing’s body has been poisoned like this.

you're the trouble that i always find by sundiscus | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 27k | “Do you know him?” Jin Wang asks.The ringing in Zhou Zishu's ears gets louder. “No, Wangye,” he says.At Zhou Zishu’s voice, the prisoner freezes.

vampire!wwx threadfic by sundiscus | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | ??? words | in which vampires exist in a modern cultivation au, lwj is investigating a string of strange deaths, and wwx is a vampire he can’t seem to kill.

Velle by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | LotR | Gimli/Legolas | 29k | Velle (Latin): to want.

June

May All My Wounds Be Mortal by hansbekhart | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 10k | Peeled out of his many robes, Wen Kexing’s body reveals itself to be mostly leg. He strips eagerly, grinning up at Zhou Zishu as if this is another joke between them. See? Wen Kexing’s body seems to say, I have no secrets from you.

drop by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 4k |  Xue Yang has had this dream before.

Splenda by Tierfal | FMA | Ed/Roy | 19k | WIP | A sugar daddy AU that barely even qualifies as a sugar daddy AU, because these two can't do anything right.

From the Ashes by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 3k | “This doesn’t need to leave this room,” Ryan had said that first time. “Casual is my middle name.”

Whale Songs by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 2k | It could be humming, he thinks. Some distant angelic humming. What it’s humming about, he’d have to find out the hard way. All he can hear in his mind’s ear is come closer. There’s so much more in the depths than you’ve ever known.

A Good Bargain by Neery | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 11k | The Window of Heaven captures the Ghost Valley's master. Zhou Zishu is put in charge of interrogating him.

So Why Not Crack Your Skull When the Mind Swells by greenteafiend | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 13k | Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

the agony and the irony by arostine | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 44k | WIP |  Ryan has a lot on his plate right now. He’s one of three members of his species employed at BuzzFeed, and the only male omega, and his boss keeps asking him to do videos about being an iterant ‘to educate the humans,’ when what he really wants to do is videos about ghosts.

the rest of your life by bestliars | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 30k | MYSTERY DISAPPEARANCE IN THE MIDWEST! The year is 2034. Successful video producer Ryan Bergara uproots his whole life to take care of his friend’s children.

sit in my circle and hold my hand by soda_coded | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 14k | Ryan and Shane work for the metaphysical department of the LAPD, fool around and get cursed.

Idle Hands (Do the Devil's Work) by ma_malice | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 4k | In which the only upside to being a demon stuck in a seasonal Chicago snowstorm is the ability to abandon your body and possess your boyfriend in LA.

Shell Game by Giddygeek | The Magicians | Quentin/Eliot | 20k | Or, Quentin can’t believe he never thought to ask if there was a magical time in Fillory when people swapped bodies with the last person they slept with.

Contention by hollybennett123 | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu/Ye Baiyi | 3k |  The Zhou Zishu of ten minutes ago, who first agreed to the whole thing — the evening’s conversation and general bickering over drinks taking an unexpectedly filthy turn — had been thinking only about the imminent pounding on offer and not, well, everything else that might come with it.

Necrocafé by etothey | Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon/Harrow | 2k | Harrowhark Nonagesimus isn't sure which confounds her more: the new boxes of bones she is to animate, or the hot redheaded courier who brings the boxes.

simple man by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius, Loki/Loki | 6k | “Tell you what,” says Mobius, shortly after the Timekeepers have sentenced Loki to death, “why don’t I take care of this?”

(Un)disclosed desires by Springandastorm | Loki | Loki/Mobius | "That's not how I see you at all, Loki." Mobius said, unexpectedly earnest. "We all play roles sometimes." 

sources of light by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Zhou Zishu makes a difficult choice in order to save Wen Kexing's life. The morning after is not an easy one.

warm company, cold nights by janonny | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 23k | He gave Zhou Zishu a lingering look from beneath his lashes. “Your virtuous wife will accompany you of course.”

July

the potential of broken things by icarusinflight | Harry Potter | Drarry | 11k | "Can you feel that? Some things want to be what they once were. The original spell is still there, and it wants to work again. All it takes is a little push and then"—Draco clicks his fingers of his free hand—"snap, everything will go back into place."

little beast by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 7k | Payback's a bitch.

you, undeniable you by returnsandreturns | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Jake/Amy | 1k | “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Jake asks, for the fourth time. “Because we can just ditch that thing, toss it out a window, do it missionary like the founding fathers intended.”

Car Talk by drunkbedelia | Loki | Mobius/Loki | 1k | ‘When I pruned myself, I thought I might be able to find Loki,' Sylvie said.

one too many by sarcasticfishes | Watcher | Ryan/Shane | 1k | “Stay here,” Ryan says, just casual enough, “I’ll drive you home tomorrow.”

Tencent and Chill by quoth_the_ravenclaw | The Untamed | Nie Huaisang/Nie Mingjue | 2k | “Da-ge,” Huaisang whines, all for show, as much a performance as the actors on screen. He wiggles his toes. “My feet are so sore, you worked me too hard.”

The House at the End of the World by Hopetohell | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1k | What will they do, now that they can do anything?

moderate the middle by ElisAttack | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 9k | People only smiled with their eyes when it was real. Unless they were a Loki. No matter the differences between the variants, their tricky grins were a constant as much as they were indiscernible.

Lost and Sound by snack_size | Loki | Loki/Thor/Sylvie | 5k | “Sylvie, did you help my brother defeat the Time Police?”

push the button (and let me know) by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | “How about this?” hands folded on the table, he watches Loki intently. “If you tell me why, I’ll answer.” 

We're (not) all villains here by sir_not_appearing_in_this_archive | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 19k | WIP | Alone and friendless (once again), Loki has to find a way to set things right, or at least right enough he can comfortably sneak off into the sunset, which starts with one thing: saving Mobius's lost memories.

what remains by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | “You’re no analyst.” Mobius sounds stunned. They are not aligned, they are not in tandem. But there are wistful glimmers of what is now agonisingly out of reach.

worth a shot by thereyoflight | Loki | Loki/Sylvie | 2k | When Loki and Sylvie are moments away from being cornered on the train in Lamentis, they resort to desperate measures.

Bug Problems by xorabbit | Marvel | Grandmaster/Loki | 7k |  Loki ends up on Sakaar, of course, with just that many more schemes to scheme. However, the Grandmaster is not altogether too terrible--a bit of fine luck, for once--and perhaps it's all right to have a better-natured fling while one works out what's next.

our way, no takebacks by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 20k | "Nice speech," Sylvie drawls, but the sarcasm doesn't land.

August

Vennen min by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 12k | The day they let Mobius out of the infirmary, Loki gets assigned to a new handler. This, Mobius is pretty sure, is where the trouble starts.

new terms by dinosuns | Loki | President Loki/Mobius | 21k | For the first time in his life, Loki triumphs. How fitting then, for the end to swiftly barge in unannounced.

Icarus by Waako | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | When Mobius got pruned, he expected two different outcomes. Either eternal peace or eternal emptiness. He certainly didn’t expect a grey sky, ruins of old buildings looming over him, and a Loki variant watching him like he was a piece of fresh meat.

Stress Relief by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 3.5k |  “Let me read you something,” Loki says. He rifles through the pages, clears his throat, and Mobius puts a hand over his eyes because he knows what’s coming before Loki even reads the first word—“Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō—“

just like the weather by sarcasticfishes | BFU | Shane/Ryan/Sara | 6k | “Y’know,” Ryan shrugs. “Friends have kids together sometimes. Like if a same-sex couple has a friend surrogate for them. Or sometimes people just co-parent.”

Woodash and iron and leather by iffervescent | The Witcher | 9k | Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear

Food of Love by tanktrilby | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 22k | I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

If The Morning Light Sets In by nagia | Castlevania | Sypha/Trevor/Alucard | 45k | Save the Belmonts, save the world.

halfway by ivelostmyspectacles | Castlevania | Sypha/Alucard/Trevor | 12k | Vampire attacks are happening again. Unprovoked, strange, humans and vampires dying alike. A disease. Alucard assures them that he isn't susceptible.

lonely lonely heart by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 7k |  Mobius looks down at the paperwork, gets a sort of flustered farmboy look on his face, looks back up at Loki and says, “You offered to give a cop fellatio in the middle of Central Park.”

Bedrest by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen& Xue Yang | 3k | Xiao Xingchen's newest patient is causing him problems. He just won't stay put.

too little, too late. by raisesomehale | Miraculous Ladybug | Adrien/Marinette | 6k | WIP |  “Ladybug.” Chat’s voice cuts in like molten steel.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

May

Jesper Fahey | 99 Problems

Jesper Fahey | OLD TOWN ROAD

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

human | kaz brekker

bucky barnes || humble

The Mandalorian || Warriors

The Mandalorian | I'll See You Again

Hope is the light.

►Zhou Zishu & Wen Kexing | Beautiful mess

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

versailles at night | alina & the darkling

look what you made me do | the darkling

Bucky Barnes | Rasputin

Obi-Wan || dirty work

Blood in the water [the Witcher]

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

Enola Holmes || Unstoppable

Shadow & Bone || Fire Meets Fate

Mo Dao Zu Shi Season 3 AMV/Trailer - Teeth

Kylo Ren | STAR WARS

June

MARVEL || Rasputin

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

i dont enjoy hurting people | Loki [1x01]

loki laufeyson • unsteady [⚠ 1x01]

MARVEL || Levitating

Shadow & Bone | Paint It Black

Glitter & Gold | Jesper Fahey

Shadow and Bone | Levitating

wen kexing ✘ zhou zishu | put your lips on mine

Erik Lensherr - Magneto

The Crows || Circus

The Crows | Thrift Shop (Shadow & Bone)

Zemo & Bucky — RASPUTIN [tfatws]

Cruella | Feeling good

Percy Jackson || Watch Me

THE KILLING KIND || The Magnus Archives Animatic

LOKI || Glorious Purpose

The Darkling | Black Heretic

Sam x Bucky || Handclap [HUMOR]

Loki || Lovely

Doctor Strange || Dystopia

Loki & Sylvie || I’m not your friend

Loki || Hate Me

MARVEL || River

Loki & Bucky || Paint It Black

Wanda Maximoff || The Scarlet Witch (WandaVision)

Play With Fire || MARVEL || Loki Doctor Strange Scarlet Witch

MARVEL || Warriors

Loki || God of Mischief || You Do You

(Marvel) Loki | You Will Never Be A God

Marvel's Horror Cinematic Universe

community gardens || the magnus archives PMV

July

Thor || Rise

Loki & Sylvie - Demons in my head [ep.3]

//HUMANS// THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

Loki | Lost

A Quiet Place

Loki & Sylvie || Strange Birds

Loki & Sylvie "I won't let you down" | (+1x05)

♚ Loki & Sylvie | If You Love Me (1x04)

Loki & Sylvie | If our love is wrong [Loki +1x04]

Loki and Mobius | Hold On [Loki +1x05]

loki laufeyson • in the end [+ 1x04]

Loki and Sylvie || Feeling Good

Marvel || Black Widow - Counting Stars || Natasha Romanoff 

Cruella || Little Wicked

MARVEL || This is My Time || Shang-Chi Trailer Music

Sylvie | Unstoppable (Loki +1x03)

Loki and Sylvie (Lady Loki) || Play With Fire

Wanda and Vision || Dancing With Your Ghost

Wanda Maximoff and Loki || You Should See Me In A Crown

Loki and his Variants ⚔ King of Space [ep.5]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ This world is slowing down [ep.5]

Sylvie || Confident (+1x04)

•Loki x Sylvie ⱠΞⴼ King and Queens•

Loki - In The End | Marvel

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Out of Control [ep.4]

Loki & Mobius | Dynasty [LOKI/+1x04]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Love War [ep.6]

(Marvel) Loki | Glorious Purpose

(MARVEL) Loki | Chaos

Loki | In The End [+1X06]

Loki x Sylvie | Another Love

Loki & Sylvie | Arcade [ Loki +1x06]

MARVEL || The Assembled Universe (c/w ASTrix UI)

August

Natasha & Yelena || Do It Like A Dude

Black Widow || Smells Like Teen Spirit

MARVEL || Uptown Funk

MARVEL || 1 in a Million

MARVEL/DC || Dies Irae

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness TRAILER #1

MARVEL || Loki 

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

May

The Wild One - Suzi Quatro

What’s So Funny ‘Bout - Sharon Van Etten

Levitating - Dua Lipa

The Underground - Meg Myers

You Won’t Find Me - Narrow Skies

Elixir of Life - Leah

Salt and the Sea - The Lumineers

ERROR - Niki, Kradness

Runaway - AURORA

Butterfly Water - Pastelle

Close to the Sun - Porcelain Pill

Selkie-boy - The Lost Words

Good Riddance - Annapantsu

Die Anywhere Else - Julia Henderson

Heat Waves - Glass Animals

Down - St Vincent

Word of Honor OST

Welcome to the Pleasuredome - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Shy Away - Twenty One Pilots

Follow You - Imagine Dragons

I’m Not That Girl - Kerry Ellis

Meant to be Yours - Ryan McCartan

Ex Wives - Six

Euphoria - BTS

Walls - Cher

96,000 - In the Heights

Sun Goes Down - Lil Nas X

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Ziti E Buoni - Maneskin

Shum - Go_A

Loco Loco - Hurricane

Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Glass Animals

The Horror and the Wild (whole album - The Amazing Devil

Chant - Hadestown

Titans - Major Lazer, Sia

Bones - Galantis

Golden Dandelions - Barns Courtney

Le Nozze di Figaro - Hybrid

Save Your Tears - The Weeknd

Psycho - Post Malone

Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Close to Me - Ellie Goulding

And So It Went - The Pretty Reckless

help herself - bbno$

Fire For You - Cannons

Twist the Knife - Chromatics

He Said She Said - Chvrches

Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Campus - Vampire Weekend

Your Power - Billie Eilish

Reach - Eternal Eclipse

1 Last Cigarette - The Band Camino

Insertion - Hans Zimmer

from the edge - fictionjunction

The Devil Is a Gentleman - Merci Raines

Meet Me In The Woods - Amarante

Fire - Saint Mesa

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

Appetite - Casey Edwards

All Things Devour - aeseaes

Throne - Saint Mesa

Witchcraft - Vian Izak

June

The Shrine / An Argument - Fleet Foxes

It’s Tricky - Run

Darjeeling - Barrie

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings - Father John Misty

Picture Me Better - Weyes Blood

Loch Lomond - Mackenzi Tolk

Punta - Matzzy

Touch It Clean - DJ Raulito

Oh No - Kreepa

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land - Marina

Sofia - Askjell

The Boy - Shannon & the Clams

First Steps - Lena Raine

The Power of Balance Rearranged - Rush Garcia

And So My Heart Became a Void - Ursine Vulpine

Paper Mache - Iris Lune

Catch Me If You Can - Desert Belle

Darkroom Double - Moon & Pollution

Serotonin - girl in red

In the Air Tonight - Natalie Taylor

When Your Heart Is a Stranger - Friends In Paris

Moon Effect - Sailor Moon Eternal OST

In A Black Out - Hamilton Leithauser

Forever - CHVRCHES

Way Less Sad - AJR

Helter Skelter - Detention

The Devil You Know - X Ambassadors

TVA - Natalie Holt

Honeybee-The Head and the Heart

Home All Summer - Anthony Ramos

In the Shadows - Amy Stroup

My Way - Lucifer Cast

In the Air Tonight - Jon Howard

The Beast - Old Caltone

The Beast - Delta Rae

Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

Only the Good Die Young - Billy Joel

Winds of Change - Scorpions

good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

If I Could See The World - Patsy Cline

Ends of the Earth - Lord Huron 

The Killing Kind - Marianas Trench

Bones - Wens

Kiss Me More - Doja Cat

How Not to Drown - CHVRCHES

July

Dark Moon - Bonnie Guitar

Free Smiles - Tia Ray

Sundown Blues - Joanna Levine

Citta Vuoto - Mina

If You Love Me - Brenda Lee

Very Full - Tom Hiddleston

Loki Green Theme - Natalie Holt

Wrecked - Imagine Dragons

The Wolves - Cyrus Reynolds

Cure For Me - Aurora

Theory of Light - Eternal Eclipse

Fate of the Clockmaker - Eternal Eclipse

Potential Breakup Son - Aly and AJ

transparent soul - travis barker

My Love Will Never DSie - AG, Claire Wyndham

Happy Together - King Princess

Atomise - Temple

Darkside - Oshins

Someone to Watch Over Me - Lucifer Cast

This is Ours - Peter Sivo

Love and War - Fleurie

Take Me To Church - MILCK

Devil I Know - Allie X

East of Eden - Zella Day

Shadow Preachers - Zella Day

Losing My Religion - BELLSAINT

Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley

Dark Side - Blind Channel

Tanz Mit Mir - Faun

My Jolly Sailor Bold - Ashley Serena

Stuttering - Fefe Dobson

August

Monsters and Fairies - Savannah

Chosen - SVRCINA

IAN HA 3BYK - GO A

Freya - Verdandi

Sick on Seventh Strett - Sarah and the Safe Word

Tarah - Sae Sae Norris

Suspicion - Sherwood Roberts

Fjorgyn - Osi and the Jupiter

Fight to Make It Up - Takenobu

The Edge of Dawn - Rozen

Innocence - Cannon Diviision

A Stray Child - .Hack//Sign

The Kiss - Luigi Rubino

Any Kind of Dead Person - Ghost Quartet

The Great Unknown - Dominique Gilbert

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

over the rainbow - misterwives

Fireflies - Cullen Vance

My mother Told Me - Nati Dreddd

Athetosis - Crywolf

Major Tom - Shiny Toy Guns

Novacaine - 10 Years

Right Here Right Now - Jesus Jones

NDA - Billie Eilish

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

Completing the Circle - Gareth Coker

There’ll Always Be Another Monster - Brian D’Oliveira

POSTED FIC

May

take my hand and i'll drown you with me | Star Wars | Rey & Ben Solo | 2,157 words |  “You brought this upon yourself,” the creature told her, its voice serene.

June

keeping me restless and whole | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 1,584 words | Mobius was very young when he encountered his first Loki.

July

feed me lies until i'm dead | Loki | Thor/Loki | 3,476 words | “Don’t you think we should talk about it?” Thor asks.

the ghost of us can linger here | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 4,432 words | “So, how do you crazy kids want to do this?” Mobius asks them in a stage whisper, mouth twitching. At her back, Loki laughs, burying the sound against the curve of her neck.

there's a whisper in my bones | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,794 words |  “All right,” she says. “Fine. Let’s make things more interesting. Take off your clothes.”

east of eden | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,202 words |  “How long have you been fucking him?”  Mobius asks, stroking his fingers against the place where leather meets skin.

Triptych in C Minor | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1,647 words | Pt 1 | There is a house at the end of time, past the last storm, pushed up against the very edge of the unknown. It is a castle, a manor, a fortress - all depending on who inhabits it. But one thing that it never is, is a home.

August

N/A

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

May

2k of Reylo mermay fic

June

N/A

July

1k+ of Xue Yang being a slut for Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen

300 words of vampire Song Lan

7k of Green Knight AU

August

10k of Green Knight AU

1.5k of hair dye shenanigans

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

May

yearning: a playlist for the heart

June

the chosen and the beautiful: a mix for jordan baker

July 

kings & queens of the ruckus: a mix for loki and sylvie

August

N/A

#heather says what #heather writes #scrapbook #2021

[hashirun]

Thanks for tagging me and I really appreciate the amended rules, @louisgaslitt!

I enjoyed reading your answers, somehow I feel that I got to know you just a little bit better. Aaaand I enjoyed answering your questions as well!

1. Is there an icon you aspire to be like?

I have two, and they are polar opposites.

So I'm a huge, huge fan of Roger Federer. Which I know is weird given that I never played tennis in my life. That said, this guy captivated me not just with his beautiful tennis (he’s a champion and true gentleman of the sport) but also with his other amazing qualities: he’s multilingual, he’s got impeccable fashion sense, he’s a loving husband to his wife Mirka and a great dad to his two sets of twins, he’s business savvy with multiple high profile product endorsements as well as his own businesses, and he’s a generous philanthropist. Everything he does exudes perfection. So there are some days when I want to be like Roger Federer - you know, the epitome of excellence and success in all aspects of life.

And then there's Haruki Murakami, who ran a coffee shop / jazz bar until he, at the age of 29, had an epiphany that he could actually write a novel and proceeded to win first prize at the literary contest where he submitted his work. He was a heavy smoker until the age of 33 when he got into running and bloomed into a full-fledged marathoner and triathlete. He mentioned in interviews that his running helped with his writing. I've always dreamed of opening a coffee shop with lots and lots of books in it, and I'm pretty much a recreational athlete myself, so I already feel some sort of connection. While I’m not too sure about the being a novelist part, a quiet life filled with coffee, literature, and sports (running and biking in particular) doesn’t sound so bad, no? 

2. What is the cheesiest/most romantic stunt you've ever pulled up on someone?

Hmm I’m not really into grand gestures of love. I mean I do I hope I’m someone who can pull off something like that, but I guess I lack the creativity? So I’m more into small actions that show my love - being her constant, being consistent, treating her right the best that I can. Putting in the time and the effort. Putting her first and above all others. Well I write letters and prepare small surprises but these sound pretty lame compared to what I’ve seen others do for their partners.

But if I really have to give an answer, well this neither cheesy nor romantic. This is actually pretty stupid - I gave up my dream course to chase after the girl I loved in high school. 

3. Which house do you belong to in Hogwarts?

For some reason I got sorted into Slytherin, though of course I wanted to be a Gryffindor haha. I’d like to believe I’m on the Slytherin Gryffindor cusp, pretty much the same way I’m on the Libra Scorpio cusp. I’m not a big believer of astrology, but apparently being on a cusp means you have a bit of both zodiac signs in you. For example, I’m a Scorpio born very near the period of Libra. Along the same lines I guess that makes me 55% Slytherin and 45% Gryffindor? In any case, I’ll just stick to what Dumbledore said “It is our choices Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” Well, I choose to be a Gryffindor then. Char.

It doesn’t really bother me that I’m a Slytherin though, I admit there’s more darkness in me than I care to show other people.

4. If you end up in jail, what would be your crime?

Dest@biliz@tion lol I h@te this gov3rnment. Need I say more?

5. If you had to name yourself now, what would it be?

Hmm I haven’t really thought about changing my name. I’d go for gender neutral names like Alex or Sam I guess. 

6. What tv show or book do you want to be in?

It’s got to be Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings - post Voldemort and post Sauron haha.

When I was in high school I used to day dream about going to Hogwarts. I was the biggest Harry Potter nerd in our school then, and I even won a Harry Potter quiz contest in college! I’d re-read the books countless times and just couldn’t get enough of the wizarding world.

Meanwhile, my obsession with Harry Potter meant that for quite some time I was pretty much closed minded when it came to other books in the fantasy genre, so I only got the chance the read LOTR when I was already working. But what the heck, I immensely enjoyed LOTR and the fact that JRR Tolkien basically created whole new languages when he wrote this awesome epic. I so want to go to Hobbiton!

7. Who would play you in a movie about your life?

Wow this is hard I would’ve loved a lesbian actress to play my character but there aren’t a lot of openly lesbian actresses in Philippine showbiz. In fact I can’t even name a single lesbian Filipina actress on top of my head. In this case SUE RAMIREZ aangal pa ba ako?

8. What would you like to be known for?

Even though I first got into running in college when my PE instructor recruited me to be part of our school’s track and field team I only started taking running seriously recently. I’ve set my sights on becoming an Asia Trail Grandmaster - that is, being able to complete 6 Asia Trail Master races (each at least 70 kms long) within 2 years. Lol I think this is the first time I mentioned this goal of mine, I guess because this seems a fairly ambitious goal and I don’t want to seem like I’m overreaching. 

9. What is the first thing people notice about you?

I don’t particularly stand out but I do get complimented a lot because of my brown eyes?

10. What's the quickest way to your heart?

Hmm I guess heart to heart conversations? 

11. Do you collect anything?

Books. My bookshelf is overflowing with books so I had to make space twice already. The first time I started an adopt-a-book project. The second time I had a book sale for the benefit of the wildlife affected by the bushfire in Australia.

#ask

[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Chapter 2

Summary: You're a fantasy-loving, LARPing human from this world, who's the black sheep of society because of your obsession for the unreal and alienation of what's real. When you're in the middle of a LARP battle with some pretty phony boars, you fall out of a tree and bust your head. You wake up, alone, and are suddenly attacked by some very pissed-off, very real wargs. Without any idea of how you got there, you got dropped into Middle-Earth, with only bits and pieces of memories of Tolkien's masterpiece, though your recollection of everything else is perfectly clear. And of all places in Middle-Earth, you got dropped into Mirkwood, with some suspicious, potentially hostile, Woodland Elves...

Chapter No.: Chapter 1

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: Listen to Medieval Pagan Music, Runestones when reading this chapter.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, Boromir lives, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Worm Tongue Grima Wormtongue, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

When I said I hated reality, I didn't mean I wanted to be ripped from it without my family.

How they'd healed you so efficiently was beyond your comprehension, and nobody came to visit you. You couldn't bring yourself to eat much of what they brought you. To think you'd finally gotten your wish, you'd finally, somehow gotten sucked into some alternate reality where fiction was fact and what you'd known and lived in for your entire life was nonexistent... It was amazing. Surreal.

But you couldn't stay here. Not without your family. Not without your mom, not without [B/N], not without [S/N]. [F/N]... You wished you could've at least said goodbye to him. Life without the only people you'd ever had seemed unreal, incomprehensible, and too nightmarish. Too... Alone. You couldn't lose them.

For hours, you waited, pacing the ten-by-ten cell furiously. You had to find some way to get out, some way to find whatever portal you'd triggered... A sound at the barred door made you freeze in place, whipping around like a meerkat. It was Blue-Eyes, and some of his guards, one of which was unlocking the door. "Are you letting me go?"

Blue-Eyes stared at you as if trying to figure out whether or not you were desperate or stupid. Finally, he shook his head, probably deciding it was most likely both in your case. Well, screw him. "My father wishes to see you."

You glanced to each of the guards that came to grip either of your arms. "Is that... Bad?"

Blue-Eyes smirked. "It depends on his mood."

You glared at him as the other two Elves ushered you out of the door, onto the precariously thin ledge just outside of the cell. "You're trying to freak me out, aren't you?"

Blue-Eyes didn't answer, but took up the rear of the procession. They lead you to a platform overlooking all of the mazelike bridge-sets of the dungeons, and opened a pair of elaborately crafted doors. You balked, your jaw fell, your eyes widened as far as they'd go, stunned by the view.

The building you'd thought was surrounded by trees? It was a palace-city, which stretched back from the front wall as far as you could see. And it was made entirely of trees. Bridges of wood, twisting trunks, curling pillars of wood holding up a vaultrf ceiling which opened up to the orange-gold canopy, and beyond, the cloudless blue sky. Huge, arched windows with stained glass of amber filled the front wall, framed in wood, every few dozen feet, letting in a golden light that made the entire place seem more surreal than it already was. Leaves fell too slowly here, as if afraid that touching the ground would destroy their fabulousness. Elves inhabited every floor, sailing gracefully around like gorgeous swans that glared down at the sudden ugly duckling in their midst.

You felt tiny.

"This is your home?" You breathed in amazement, going where the guards took you on autopilot as you drank in the magnificent sight. "It's bigger than the town I live in!"

"This is just a small portion of it," Blue-Eyes had a hint of pride in his voice. You glanced over your shoulder to see him taking in the view with a faint smile on his face. "This part is my father's palace. Only nobles and militia reside here."

"It's beautiful..." You surveyed the palace in awe. I'm here. I'm really here! This is where I'm supposed to be! "Do you all have different floors? Is it flameproof? What happens if there's a forest fire? Can you even get forest fires here?"

"Why would you like to know?" Blue-Eyes demanded sharply, all kindness gone just as suddenly as it'd arrived, replaced with obvious suspicion and disdain.

You sighed, and dropped the subject. You wouldn't be finding anything out about this place today. The guards lead you up a short flight of stairs, which stopped at a huge circular pavilion, lined with a different type of guard in silver armor and navy-blue masks covering their lower faces. They stood almost impossibly still, and each carried a deadly spear.

More stairs, curving upward from each side of the pavilion, lead to a massive throne of carved wood. A regal Elf lounged on it, holding a curled wooden staff. He wore silver robes lined on the inside with a deep crimson, and a crown of thin branches styled like an elk's antlers --or maybe a thornbush-- sat atop his head of snow-white hair. Piercing blue eyes watched you from underneath strangely dark (And thick.) brows, but his catlike face was drawn into an unreadable expression.

Blue-Eyes stepped before you and the guards, and put his right arm over his chest, fist resting over his heart, as he bowed at the waist. "My king, we have brought the prisoner."

Inwardly, you winced. What kind of father forced his son to call him 'my king'?

The Elvenking flicked his fingers toward the guards on either side of you. "Leave us."

As they left with barely a clink of armor, Blue-Eyes grabbed you roughly by the shoulder, forcing you to your knees. His grip was like iron. He leaned down to snarl in your ear, "Show respect. His majesty has shown you a great kindness in allowing you to live."

Aw, fuck. You forgot that these guys had healed you. If Lord Fabulous over there had decided that by even so much as breathing near his lands you didn't deserve for your wounds to be healed, you'd be dead right now. "O-oh..." You quickly fixed your position, and even bowed your head with an arm over your chest, like Blue-Eyes had done. "Sorry..."

"My son tells me he found you trying to escape from warg-bound orcs on our northern border," Elvenking drawled slowly. Wargs... Those big dogs... Why does that sound familiar? Were they in a book? Mythology? A game? You couldn't remember, and Elvenking didn't give you time to. "You were found near-death, and without any apparent recollection of how you came to be there. Is that correct?"

You weren't sure how to adress him. "Yes, sir. My lord. Your majesty. I'm sorry."

Elvenking continued. "Would you like to elaborate on what you do remember?"

His tone wasn't kind. It was "Tell me bitch or I will throw you off into the chasms below."

And there were lots of chasms.

"You won't believe me," You started, and risked a glance; Blue-Eyes and Elvenking watched you warily. You could easily say you were from this world, but you didn't know anything about it. You couldn't lie believably. And even if you could, Elves can sense lies. You figured you'd get some extra points if you were totally honest. "But I'll tell you anyway." So you started out with your explanation of coming from a place called Earth, and that you'd been having a battle against some pretty fake boars played by unconvincing actors in Live Action Roleplay, when you'd fallen out of a tree, banged yourself up, and knocked yourself out. You then proceeded to explain about the big dogs and the orcs.

Elvenking lifted his chin slightly for the sole purpose of glowering at you. "Tell me more of this... Earth." You told him all you could. About cars and trains and jets and phones, then on to TVs and movies, and the huge skyscrapers, and how modern slang was different from what it had been, and how where you came from, Elves and orcs and dragons were all part of a genre known as fantasy. You even tried, for a brief period of time, to explain the subject of eMail and social sites like Tumblr and Twitter, but you gave up at their odd looks as they tried to comprehend the concept. You told them about all seven continents, presidents, world leaders, endless wars, hunger, trashing the planet and all other shit that was wrong with Earth.

You could've been there for hours explaining it all. When you were finished, Elvenking regarded you like he'd just came to the conclusion that you just weren't normal. "It seems, [Y/N], that your world is poisoned."

"It is!" You agreed excitedly. "Nobody cares about it anymore! It's why I grew up to be so... Un-normal, by my world's standards."

"I see..." Elvenking blinked slowly. "Then you are, since you are a spawn of this Earth, equal poison to this world, are you not?"

All the blood drained from your face. "What?"

He looked to Blue-Eyes. "Kill them."

Blue-Eyes gripped you by the back of the head, and your hands flew to his wrist as he yanked your head back. With a flourish, he drew one of his ivory-handled knives and pressed it to your throat. "Wait!" You screamed, and Elvenking raised a hand.

"Last words?" Blue-Eyes sneered.

"I don't know where I am," You choked out quickly; the cool steel of the blade was digging into your neck, cutting a fine line. "I don't know how I got here, but usually when stuff like this happens in movies, there's always a portal. Let me find it-- send an escort if you want! Take me back to where you found me, and I'll find the portal and go home. You'll never see me again!"

Elvenking dropped his hand, and your heart jumped, expecting your head to go with it. "Do you really think that is wise? I sense no dishonesty from you, but you could very well be a spy from your world, which seems so intent on conquering and destroying peace. I will not let this world, much less my own land, fall prey to yours."

"I won't tell anyone about you, or this place, I promise! I don't even know where this is!" Tears of frustration pricked the corners of your eyes. "I'm not a damn spy! I don't even know how I got here! Give me a couple of days to find the portal. Then I'll leave. What if there was a way for you to know I'll keep my word? Like a blood-oath, or something!"

"And if asked where you had gone?" Blue-Eyes countered, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'll tell them I went to Narnia, dammit! They never take me seriously anyway!" Your eyes widened. "This isn't Narnia, is it? Narnia didn't have Elves!"

"No, this is not... Narnia." Elvenking replied. "And you will not know the name of this land. You have three days to find your portal. You will be accompanied by a small assembly of my best warriors. If you do not find the door to your world within the given three days... I will give the order to kill you."

You swallowed hard. The steel dragged across your throat painfully. "Th-that sounds fair." It didn't, but, you just rolled with it.

"Legolas, you will go with them," Elvenking said; something clicked in your mind. You knew that name... You knew that name. But... Why?

Blue-Eyes-- Legolas-- nodded and finally removed the blade from your throat. Lord Fabulous inclined his head once, and you vaguely thanked him, too concerned with how you knew Blue-Eyes's name. He kept a tight, painful grip on your arm, actually digging his fingers in until you were pretty sure he cut off most of your circulation.

When you reached your cell, he thrust you in roughly, making you stumble forward. You whipped around to glare at him. "Could you be careful, Blue-Eyes?"

He paused in locking the door. Confused, he brought his sapphire eyes to meet your [e/c] ones. "What did you just call me?"

"Blue-Eyes," You suddenly felt a little embarassed about picking a nickname for him. Shit, you'd never let that bother you before. He could screw off. "I didn't know your name until a few minutes ago, so... I just picked something to call you."

He raised an eyebrow incredulously. "And you chose to call me after my eyes." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

You flushed a little, glancing to the side with only your eyes nervously, then back to him. "Uh... Yeah. That's pretty much it."

He rolled his eyes and walked away. Before you even realized what you were doing, you'd ran to the bars and grabbed hold of them, pressing your cheek up against them to watch him walk away. "Blue-Eyes!" He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Your name... Legolas. I think I've heard it before."

He turned his head slightly, like he might be interested, but your hopes fell through the floor when he just continued walking. You immediately wished you'd've said something to get his attention, so he'd come talk to you. Like, Hey, I'm really a spy for Earth, MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok, maybe not that drastic...

But you did wish he'd stayed to talk to you. Even if he'd tried to kill you. Legolas... You slid down the bars, sitting on the floor. Your knees came up to your chest of their own accord. Legolas... What do your Elf eyes see? You knew that you knew his name, but where did you know it from?

They're taking...

Aw, damn. It was right on the tip of your brain. Lord Fabulous looked really familiar, too. He reminded you of Ronan the Accuser from Marvel. Why couldn't you remember? Was it a side-effect of being tossed to another reality? What else did you not remember...?

You sat there for hours, until one of the guards brought you some food. You picked at the meal, as a tune got stuck in your head that you couldn't quite place...

Home is behind...

The world ahead...

Here, the song fizzed out like a radio signal, then you got another bit of it...

All shall fade..

All shall...

...Fade...

~ominous time skip~

You, Blue-Eyes, and a team of Elvish warriors like the ones who'd helped you escape the dogs and orcs set out at dawn, which was way too early for someone used to getting up at noon most of the time. All the Elves showed off their glowy perfect selves by leaping gracefully to pebble to pebble like the regal shits they were, including Blue-Eyes.

Actually, scratch that. Blue-Eyes was the fucking king of being a show-off.

They moved fast, and you were surprisingly able to keep up with them. Not one of the Elves wanted to speak to you; they seemed to consider you an abomination.

You kinda seen what they were getting at, though. You were still in your bright white, blue, and black sci-fi Elf outfit from yesterday, complete with the latex ears and bright blue faux-hawk, which had become much less faux-hawk-y after sleep. You were covered in dried blood, dirt, and parts of your outfit were ripped. You'd tried to clean up as best as you could when you were woken up by using the water from the cup you'd been given to scrub your face and arms with the stunningly clean sheets on your cot.

In other words, you stuck out like a bright blue flower in a field of dark grass. You didn't know the way back to the river, so most of the Elves surrounded you discreetly while Blue-Eyes took the lead. Every one of them had a bow or sword or knife out and ready, so one wrong sniff and you were dead.

You traveled for about an hour before anyone spoke. It was Blue-Eyes, to your surprise. "Why is your hair blue?"

"Huh?" Of all possible questions, that one hadn't been expected. Though, that was kind of dumb of you, to just assume they wouldn't eventually wonder if everybody from your world had crazy hair colors.

"Your hair," Blue-Eyes specified, sounding condescending, like his hair was much better than yours because it was long and perfect and almost white. "Why is it blue?"

"Oh," You cleared your throat. "It's dye. My real color is [h/c]. Lots of people do it where I come from. You can dye it a natural color, or an unnatural color, like so. Some keep their natural color and just add streaks that aren't their natural colors. Some dye their full hair, like me, for the sole purpose of cosplay--uh, dressing up as made-up characters for events--and others dye it just for fun. Or to stand out, I guess. But I wouldn't advise it. It ruins your hair. I just don't care, though."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" One Elf asked in horror, then sneered at you. "I suppose those of your world simply do not appreciate the naturalities of the body."

You shrugged. You should see the LGTBQ+ community... But you didn't feel like explaining any of that to these people right now. Especially when they obviously looked down on stuff like that.

"And what character are you meant to be?" Blue-Eyes asked in a challenging tone.

You flushed. "... A sci-fi Elf."

"...Sci-Fi?" A different Elf asked. "What is that?"

"Science fiction," You specified. "Basically, I'm supposed to be an Elf from another planet. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Is that why you have pointed ears?" Blue-Eyes questioned, and you nodded.

"Yeah. They're latex-- a kind of rubber. Wait, do you even have rubber here?" You waved a hand. "Nevermind. They can come off pretty easily, though. Speaking of which, I'd better take them off before they cause damage..." You reached up to one of your ears, despite the looks the Elves gave you.

Blue-Eyes stopped for a minute, halting the whole group. He looked at you like you were crazy. "Whyever would you put something on your body that could cause damage?"

You blinked. "That is a very good question, Blue-Eyes, and one I don't exactly have an answer for. Almost everybody does it at some point." You felt for the flap of latex, but you couldn't find it. Hell, you couldn't even find the edge of the prosthetic. "Oh shit..." You breathed.

"What is it?" Legolas huffed, and turned around impatiently.

Your eyes widened; you couldn't let them think you were panicking, but, well, you were, and shortly after, you did. "I-I can't get it off."

Blue-Eyes's brow furrowed. "Will it cause permanent damage if they are not removed?"

"Maybe? Yes? My skin goes red and itchy and starts to swell up if I touch latex for too long, so, I'm gonna go with a definitely on this one. Just keep walking. I should have them off by the time we get to the river."

But you didn't. There was no flap, no edge of the latex. If it weren't for the fact that you did put latex ears on, you wouldn't have known you had latex ears on. A suspicion grew in your core, so you grabbed hold of the pointed tip, and pinched down with your nails hard and fast. "Ow!"

Every Elf turned to look at you as you pulled your hand away. Some blood was on the tips of your fingers. "Why, in the name of the Valar, would you hurt yourself?" Legolas sighed like a parent lecturing a child, but you were staring at your fingertips in shock. Valar...

"I'm an Elf..."

"I beg your pardon?" Apparently the mere thought of being the same race as you was too much for Blue-Eyes to handle. It was fucking offensive.

"I'm an Elf!" You shouted, and snatched your hand to your chest. "The ears won't come off! They bled and hurt when I pinched them! I'm a damn Elf! When I fell through that portal, I was a normal human! Now I'm an Elf! I don't know whether I should be freaking out or excited!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "It won't be permanent. Obviously, here you're an Elf. There, you're not. When we get you through the portal, you'll be a human again."

"But..." I don't want to be human... Yet, you were also trying desperately to get back to your family, on pain of death and loss of cool fantasy land. If only you'd wake up to learn you were in some kind of damn coma...

You waved your hands. "Ok. Alright, fine. Is this where you found me?"

Legolas gestured to a particular rock. "The exact spot. Do you think you could find your way from here?"

You smirked; you'd always been good at knowing your way. "Please. I was born with an innate sense of direction. Now how the fuck do we get over this damn river?"

Legolas grinned. "You're an eldar now, aren't you? See if you can get across it yourself." Eldar... That had to mean an Elf of some sort, right?

You stared him down for a second, hands on your hips. He smirked cockily back, pure smugness on his expression. "Ok. Sure. What's life without risk?"

So you took a deep breath, and headed for the opposite bank.

You and your siblings had this special hiking trail in a park, and on this trail was a creek slash pond area. Several of them. You'd always cross the creek carefully, each step placed just so, and quietly, too, so that you could see the frogs-- it was a frog hunt without actually killing said frogs. The exercise gave you all good balance and a know-how for shit not that rock.

But this river was much different than the creek back home. It was clear, and clean, and strong as fuck, so one wrong move and you'd be whooshed away, with Blue-Eyes giving Lord Fabulous the excuse of "Oh they died in the river tragically oops..."

The rocks were unstable. The river swelled over them every so often to make them slippery. Your rubber boots were less than zero help. But you were an Elf now, right? So that had to make you unfairly agile. You took another deep inhale, then took what you hoped was a graceful leaping step, only for you to slip and nearly bust your ass. Elvish powers have to be learned. Noted.

When you finally got to the other side of the bank, you were stiff, and your heart was pounding. Behind you, the Elves sneered and jeered and all kinds of other "eers". You whipped around, and flipped them off. They looked somewhere between shocked, offended, and terrified. You realized they might not know the symbolism of it, and might think you were cursing them. When they reached you, Blue-Eyes was the first to demand what that was all about. "What was that all about?!"

You panicked under pressure. "U-uh... I-it's a minor insult where I come from. Very minor. We use it frequently as a joke among close friends. A friendly insult. Yeah. Sorry. Won't happen again." He totally didn't believe you. So you quickly changed the subject. "O-oh, uh, this way!"

Scenery seen at night was harder to recognize during the day, and vise versa, but you knew you hadn't gone too far up the river when you came across some massive paw prints and scrape marks from where you'd skidded down the bank. Another bonus clue was the scrap of bright blue fabric, from your skirt/tunic thing, hanging precariously from a branch.

It took you the better part of an hour to find the tree you'd woken up at. "Okay, this it it."

"Are you certain?" Blue-Eyes asked you.

"Wait." You laid down, and yep, everything was the same, except in daylight. Legolas frowned at you as you stood, probably ashamed to even breathe the same air as you. "Yeah, this is it."

Blue-Eyes ordered something in Elvish, jerking his head. The Elves immediately set about making camp. "So, in your world, you fell from the highest branches of an oak, yes?"

"Yep, breaking several things in the process."

"And you lost consciousness after you hit the forest floor?"

"Yep."

Legolas hummed and looked up into the canopy. "Then by all means... The portal should be where you laid."

You glanced down at your feet before bouncing up and down a little. "Nope. Nothing."

Legolas huffed. "You may have to try climbing this tree and falling into this spot."

A deranged laugh escaped your throat, which you quickly stifled. "I'm sorry, but are you crazy? What if I die? We don't have the same healing stuff as you guys unless you can pay for it up front, and I'm very poor. So is all of my family. We can't afford that shit. So if I die, what's the point in going back?"

Legolas glared at you. "I didn't mean from very high. Just high enough to hopefully send you through, but not high enough to kill you. Your healers will mend broken bones, will they not?"

You scoffed dejectedly. "Yeah, but for a pretty hefty bill..." You threw your hands up. "Whatever. I'll die anyway if I don't try. Might as well." With Legolas watching you carefully to make sure you didn't try to jump from tree to tree, you started to climb.

Was it really only yesterday that you'd been having a fun, standard LARPing day with your family and [F/N]? The real world seemed like fantasy, now. This felt real. This felt like where you should be. But if your family weren't here, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it. You'd always feel as if you abandoned them. You wondered, did time pass differently? Did it go faster there, and slower here? Or was it the other way around? Would you find the portal, and return to the real world to find your family long gone and the year a thousand into the future? Then you'd wish you'd never left this place. Or would you find not a moment had passed, and to them, it was still the terrifying moment of not knowing if you were dead or alive, to find you unharmed? Would you then be able to convince them to fall through, even on the chance that the portal could only be used a handful of times, and if it did work, would a millenia had passed here? Even Blue-Eyes would've aged by that point, however slightly.

Once you'd reached a suitable height, you braced yourself against the trunk. "How's this?"

Legolas nodded. "Fine. Jump when you're ready.”

You took a minute... Ah... Better get this over with. One does not simply... Damn, what was that meme? "Ok, ready when you are."

Legolas stepped back, and waited; you hesitated, then jumped, and you felt deja vu as you barreled toward the ground, landing flat on your back. The impact knocked the wind out of you, and you felt a painful snap in your right ribcage. You kept your eyes closed; you heard nothing aside from the birds in the trees. You hoped, then hoped some more, expecting at any moment to hear the frantic footfalls of your family rushing to help you...

"Well, I see I was entirely wrong on the matter," Blue-Eyes stated simply, and you frowned. Fuck...

"Ya think? I'm still seeing priss-ass Elves in a goddamn forest that isn't the one I fell in. Fuck you, Blue-Eyes, for having me break a rib for no good damned reason." You glared at him as you tried to sit up, barely making it halfway before Legolas helped you, albeit roughly.

"Watch your tongue," Blue-Eyes snapped. "If it were not for us, you would be dead."

You pursed your lips. "You're gonna kill me anyway just for breathing on your trees, so why didn't you just let me die?"

For a second, Legolas seemed to feel pity for you. "I am sorry. Truly, I am. Perhaps if we fail to locate your way home, I could convince my father to refrain from executing you."

You huffed, wincing as the action hurt your broken-on-some-level ribs. "Why? So I can live the rest of my suddenly immortal life in a dark cell, underground, just for existing? Hell no. I'd rather die."

"Perhaps you could have another use," Legolas offered, and you shook your head.

"Never in my life have I been considered useful." You eyed Blue-Eyes disdainfully. "Ever. By anybody. If you can find a place for somebody like me that doesn't involve imprisonment, fine. But I won't be able to live with myself if I can't find a way back to Earth. I need my family. They're all I ever had."

Legolas knelt beside you. "You... Seem to be very close with them. You love this..." He looked off into the trees, searching for the word. "...Life, so much, and have wished for it for so long, but you'd give it up, to be with them in a world that does not want you... You have a brave heart."

You took the compliment. "Thanks. Now let's find this damn portal, shall we? I've got a couple more ribs to bust."

Tag List: @tesserphantom​ @thedragonghostofmordor​

@taurlel​ @hauntedsiriel​

#legolas x reader #legolas x you #au #LARP #LoTR #the hobbit #legolas greenleaf #orlando bloom #orcs #wargs #elves #eldar #chapter 1 #theartofbenganeldar #fanfiction #romance #angst #fluff #gender-nuetral #wild #misfit #reader-insert #forest #mirkwood #middle-earth #lots of blue in this chapter #and lots of apparent apparentness apparently #ronanstolkienfam

[actuallyvady]

The last couple of days I have been reflecting on a beloved piece of media that has been lost to me, now that I know how bigoted the author is.

I'm referring not to Harry Potter, but to Ender's Game.

I mentioned to someone in the comments of a post I made that Harry Potter never had the special place in my heart that it has for so many of my friends. I was in high school, I think, before I knew it existed; at the time, I was neck-deep in Wheel of Time, had long since read not only Lord of the Rings but also the Silmarillion (in fact, I think I was gifted my beautiful illustrated LotR the same year I got the first few Harry Potter books, for Christmas)... in my life, Harry Potter was nothing special. What Ajah I was mattered more than what House I was.

I didn't have the experience of growing up alongside Harry, as so many did, but there *was* a character I met at the perfect age, who mattered more to me than I could describe. Ender Wiggin. I was in sixth grade when we read Ender's Game in English class. I was eleven years old-- the same age Ender is at the climax of the book.

That was an unusual experience for me; starting at about age eight I didn't read many books that were written for kids. (I say 'age eight' because that was when the movie of Jurassic Park came out, and while I had been reading 'adult' books for some time, that kicked off my Crichton phase, and I don't recall reading any kids books after that for a very long time.) I felt more connected to older protagonists, usually; adults writing kids tended to make them too childish for me to find them relatable. I'm sure there's a lot to unpack there, but it's true-- I didn't *want* silly, lighthearted stories. I was obsessed with Les Mis starting at about age five or six, if that tells you anything.

Ender was different. It's hard to describe why. It could be that he was written to be as serious as an adult protagonist, something I remember Orson Scott Card commenting on-- that adults would tell him "kids aren't like that" and kids would tell him "thank you for writing a kid I can relate to." Ender was a brilliant child with loving parents who did not understand (sometimes I wonder why such characters are relatable to so many-- does every child feel 'different'?), he was lonely because he was so far removed from those around him-- early on because he was gifted, later it was deliberate. He made friends with outcasts, the weird and the ostracized.

But the thing I loved most about him, the thing that made the book (and its sequel-- I didn't love the whole series, but Speaker for the Dead was great) so powerful to me, was his deep compassion. Ender was a weapon, to the adults to who shaped his life; they manipulated him and lied to him and deliberately made him miserable because they wanted him to win their war. But the thing that made him an effective weapon was not his mind, it was his heart. Ender would come to understand his enemy, know them through and through, and it was what enabled him to defeat them... but it also meant that he loved them. It made him miserable, to know and love only to destroy.

Ender's compassion, his empathy, his ability to put himself in another's place and *know* them, understand them, and love them even when they are an enemy... that has stuck with me, and has, I think, shaped who I am as a person. Compassion and empathy are not unique to Ender, of course-- but that book came to me at the right time for him to be a huge influence on me and my perspectives on the world.

But Orson Scott Card is a bigot. Not even a "oh, JK Rowling is repeating TERF rhetoric, maybe she just doesn't understand how dangerous it is" bigot-- Orson Scott Card is openly, knowingly, and dangerously bigoted. He's homophobic in the extreme-- supported anti-sodomy laws, once advocated for people to rise up against the government if gay marriage was legalized, believes it's childhood abuse that 'turns' people gay. And then there's this, from a 2013 rant:

“Having been anointed from the start of his career because he was that magical combination—a black man who talks like a white man (that's what they mean by calling him "articulate" and a "great speaker")—he has never had to work for a living, and he has never had to struggle to accomplish goals. He despises ordinary people, is hostile to any religion that doesn't have Obama as its deity, and his contempt for the military is complete.”

... yeah.

I discovered all of this when I was in college-- well, the Obama stuff came later, but he's been trash for a long time-- and... I didn't know how to deal with it. The question of whether it's possible to love a work and hate its author became very real real to me, then, and it's one I still don't have an answer to. Are the lessons as real, knowing the author is blind to them? Is the meaning I found in the work negated by the author's hatred?

For myself... I can't read it anymore. I am afraid that I would find his bigotry behind every word, now... and equally afraid that I would still find it as moving and powerful. I don't know what to do with that.

That is, however, my own choice, based on my own feelings-- if you feel differently, and are able to divorce the work from the author and still find meaning in it, that's wonderful. I hope all of my friends who are currently struggling with Rowling and Harry Potter figure out where they stand, and find peace with it. Give yourself time; this is hard.

#cross-posting from facebook #because lately i've been basically blogging over there lol #writing essays is how i process things

[theritualofourexistence]

Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad. 

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April. 

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too. 

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post. 

A few quick caveats: 

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos. 

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s. 

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose. 

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family. 

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option. 

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection. 

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job. 

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night. 

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January. 

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.” 

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while. 

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice. 

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.   

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too. 

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

#Happy New Year #end of the year wrap up #summary #year summary #mental health #high blood pressure #Hypertension #loss #grief #challenges #success #keep fighting #quotes #Hagrid #Harry Potter #poem #one flew over the cuckoo's nest #edna st. vincent millay #on thought in harness #ken kesey #plumpy #candyland #Neville Longbottom #tattoos #family #friends

[isa-renee]

Tagged by my dude bro buddy pal, the incredible @theythinkimabitch

1. Do you make your own bed? Nah. I’m honestly not a fan of having a made bed. I find it constricting.

2. What’s your favorite number? 37

3. What’s your job? I don’t have one. I’m a student still, although I did have a paid tutoring job until school closed, so I guess I’ll count that

4. If you could go back to school, would you? Definitely! I mean I’m still in school lol but I definitely plan to continue with it. I may never truly leave school and I can’t say that’s a fate/career path I mind

5. Can you parallel park? Lol nah I still can’t drive

6. A job that you had that would surprise people? I don’t think there is one. The only job I’ve had is the tutoring thing and nobody who even kind of knows me is surprised by that, although maybe surprised that I actually got paid for it since I also do a lot of volunteer work as a tutor

7. Do you think aliens exist? Almost certainly. I mean the universe is huge. There are so many galaxies and star systems and planets out there. I find it hard to believe that we’re special, that for some reason the only life in the billions of years and billions of planets is on our little blue dot around our average sun out in our little bit of galaxy. I mean it’s possible. I don’t know how life formed; maybe it really was a miracle and a one time thing. But, barring that scenario, I find it unlikely we’re alone. (I do not however think aliens have contacted us or are secretly infiltrating our governments though. Just fyi.)

8. Can you drive a manual car? I cannot drive

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? Uhh idk if it’s necessarily a guilty pleasure but I guess it sorta is? Like I don’t talk about it with everyone, but my fandom/book nerd friends understand. I just love teen fiction. And ya novels. I really do. They’re just so fun. They’re easy to read. The characters are lovable. There aren’t like twenty storylines I have to keep track of. It’s just nice

10. Tattoos? No but I wanttt

11. Favorite color? I’m going to say blue. It’s not really blue since I can’t actually choose a favorite color. Blue has just been my answer for years so I go with it. I don’t actually have a favorite color. Color is such an abstract concept. We never see just one color. Color is meant to be seen as part of something more. Because it’s not ever really the color we’re drawn to but what it symbolizes. So my actual answer? It is a crisp fall afternoon, soon after a slight rainfall. Brilliant rays of sunlight filter through the clouds over the mountains. I am reminded strangely of the sea, by shade or simply majesty and power. Birds are chirping. The leaves dapple shadows on the ground beneath me, sunwarmed and soft. I sigh and think perhaps that this is home. It’s easier to just say blue.

12. Favorite type of music? I’m going to go with sad gay love songs. Right there is like the epitome of my music taste. But I also separately enjoy sad songs, gay songs, and love songs, and other combinations of those three things. My taste is honestly kind of eclectic though tbh I’ll listen to most things. Favorite actual genre I guess is like indie folk? It’s a good vibe

13. Do you like puzzles? Yes! I love puzzles! I wish I had more time to do them because they’re so fun

14. Any phobias? I’m a bit claustrophobic. I don’t necessarily mind all small spaces I just can’t stand being physically confined. I need to be able to fully move all my limbs or I am liable to freak out. And start crying (tears of frustration). And probably kicking things. I’m also getting really uncomfortable thinking about tight spaces so imma stop writing. It’s like an actual physical discomfort. It’s unpleasant.

15. Favorite childhood sport? This depends which part of childhood tbh. I’m going to go with archery because I remember that one most clearly and it still remains my favorite. I also fenced and played tball and volleyball at various points. But I mean I’m definitely going to go with the sport involving sharp objects and deadly weapons so yeah. Archery

16. Do you talk to yourself? Yup. Constantly. It’s an issue. There have definitely been times when my parents thought I was talking on the phone but nope it was just me

17. What movie do you adore? I don’t really watch too many movies. Or remember them too distinctly whoops. I’m going to go with the LOTR trilogy just purely for the number of times I’ve seen it. I can definitely quote large sections of it from memory. And sing all of the songs. At one point in time I could consistently identify basically every piece on the soundtrack by name. I’ve really watched those movies too many times. I regret nothing

18. Coffee or tea? Tea. So much more variety! Coffee tastes nice but I don’t do caffeine and it’s hard to find a good decaf espresso. But tea is just the best. I’ll admit I’m a bit of a tea snob but I’m self-aware at least

19. First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? Paleontologist. For years! So many years. My entire childhood pretty much. Dinosaurs are rad and I stand by that statement

Tagging whoever wants to do this because it’s fun but I don’t like to tag people lol sorry

#tag games

[aelaer]

Animal au! (Can be shifter etc): Tony is a ferret (or tiger), Stephen would be a saltwater crocodile.

For those MCU fans also familiar with more obscure LOTR lore, this could be considered a birthday gift :P

Anyway, my serious fics haven't been writing themselves for the last three weeks or so, and this is the oldest fic prompt I have in my ask box. And uh, yeah, I don't think I can do a serious take on this. So silly/fun it is. No idea if the original prompter is still around (I think ask is from the summer), but here is my take on it!

(assume alternate first meeting in this fic)

Magical Mishap

Chars: Stephen, Tony (and FRIDAY)

Length: 1500 words

Rating: Gen

I'm going to kill you, Stephen Strange's furious voice blast through his head and wow, that was weird.

Tony opened his mouth automatically to retort, but all that came out was this weird chirp-like sound. He wrinkled his nose (and he could see it now, that was intriguing) and instead thought towards Stephen. I thought you had an oath of some sort, Doc. He'd only met the doctor-turned-wizard a few times, but the killing discussion had come early on (life of a superhero and all).

Funny enough, Stephen growled—as in, he was thinking at him and actually growled, deep and low and it was the most fucking terrifying thing he had ever heard—it's very hard to remember my oath when my mind's being slammed by the instincts of a goddamn alligator smelling the fresh meat of a rodent!

Crocodile, Tony thought back at him as he scurried up the table leg and well out of reach of Stephen's incredibly horrific line of teeth. And ferrets are part of the weasel family.

Stephen growled at him again and Tony's little ferret heart started thumping in instinctive terror. I told you not to touch anything! Anything! came from the sorcerer-turned-crocodile.

I didn't know that included the books! he shot back.

It included the books! The croc snapped his teeth, then he heard Stephen sigh in his head. I don't know when Wong or anyone will happen upon my study again, and frankly put, I'm not sure how long we can wait before animal instincts override proper thought and I decide just to eat you. We need to reverse this now.

Tony looked around from the table for a good shelf to jump to. I could just remain out of reach until someone comes around; that shelf's rather high. Could ferrets make that jump? He had no idea, but it was worth a shot. He was feeling rather jittery and it looked like a fun jump.

Not willing to take that risk, was Stephen's terse answer. Here, we can do this. Can you still read?

He looked around the desk until he found something in English. Seems so. His glasses connected to FRIDAY were on the ground with the rest of his clothes. At least they were still intact; Stephen's normal clothes were completely destroyed, and the Cloak was curled up by a hearth near the foyer and nowhere near this room. Maybe it could have helped.

He wondered what FRIDAY was seeing. Was FRIDAY alerting anyone? The only person Tony had any phone number info for in this weird group was Stephen at this time, and that had been a hard enough nut to crack. Still, after this he would make it a point to get Wong's number.

That shelf looked really interesting. He wanted to jump to it.

Tony Stark! rang loudly through his head and he blinked and peered at the reptile.

No need to shout, he grumbled.

I called you three times, was Stephen's answer. I need you to concentrate and try to remain in the human part of you. What is the page number in the book you just read?

The page numbers weren't in an alphabet he knew. He missed FRIDAY. Uh, it looks like a sideways six and eight.

Seventy-four, Stephen said. Okay. Now I need you to shove the book off the table.

It turned out that pushing a four-pound book when one weighed only three pounds was incredibly difficult. Still, he managed it, and the volume went to the floor with a heavy thump.

Stephen somehow managed to turn the book the right side up with his snout, but that's where his dexterity ended. I can't get to the right page. I need you to come down and turn it to the correct page.

His little ferret heart started pounding in fear again. Are you crazy? Tony snapped. You just said you were fighting against the want to eat me!

And that will only get worse the longer this continues! he retorted. Look, I'll back away as much as I can. Stephen, to his credit, did, but there was only so much room a ten-foot crocodile could back up in his study.

Tony sighed in his head. Yeah, okay. Fine. Don't move, or I'm going to the shelves to wait for Wong or another one of your wizard buddies.

Sorcerers. Another growl went through the room.

Don't do that, either! He scurried off the table and to the book. It turned out that ferret paws were nowhere near as useful for page turning as human hands, but they were a far cry better than what crocs had.

His animal instincts were going absolutely insane with the call of danger as he flipped through the pages as fast as he could. Tony stilled when Stephen shifted, but he didn't move his feet, so Tony remained on the floor flipping and flipping until he saw the sideways six and eight again.

He fled to the shelves and jumped and scrambled up until he was on top of the bookcase. Okay, I'm good! Tony called down.

Stephen sighed. You might regret your position. He walked back to the book.

I'm further from the crocodile and I absolutely don't regret it, Tony retorted. It was nice up here. Ooh, could he jump to the table from here? No, wait, that was against what he accomplished climbing up here in the first place. Stupid weasel brain.

I don't think I can say words aloud like this, Stephen mused to himself. I haven't done silent spellcasting of this sort, but I believe I can manage it.

There was then a heavy silence and in about fifteen seconds Tony began to feel the same weird shift he felt when he was turned into a ferret.

Then he realized just how infuriatingly right Stephen was when his three pound body turned into a 170 pound body and the bookcase was having absolutely none of it. It toppled over, spilling him and all of its books onto the carpet.

"Ow," Tony moaned.

"I did tell you so," said the very annoying wizard. 

Tony frowned in his direction, which only increased as he realized something. "Hey, how come you have clothes on already? I thought they were all ruined, Hulk-style." He started pushing the books aside to see if his clothes managed to avoid the bookcase, at least.

"Magic," was the very annoying answer, but Stephen did magic the bookcase back into its position so Tony didn't have to pull it up, at least. "Oh, found your glasses."

"Gimme," he gestured, and they were floated over. "You there, FRIDAY?" he asked.

"I'm here, boss."

"See the whole thing?"

"Yes, boss. I'm afraid I had no sort of protocol for dealing with this sort of situation. Should I have called one of the Avengers?"

Tony found his clothing after several more books were moved by he and Stephen. "Uh, no, no, you were right to wait to assess the situation for a few minutes." He shimmied on his boxers, then pants as Stephen politely pretended he didn't exist, public locker-room style, as he sent all his books back to the fallen shelves in whatever categorization he had going. "Next time, we're gonna have a phone number of another wizard—"

"Sorcerer."

"—sorcerer to call in case of magical mishap." He shot a look at Stephen. "Seriously, in case you do more work with us beyond this consulting you've agreed to, we'd want a number in case you're hurt, anyway."

Stephen sighed, but acquiesced with, "Fine. I'll see if Wong agrees to it."

Tony nodded and pulled his shirt over his head. "Oh, and FRI, delete all footage of the incident." No one needed to see him like that. Especially that ending.

"Yes boss."

Stephen frowned at him. "You're recording?"

"I record everything with these glasses."

The frown deepened. "Don't expect it to work in here for all future visits."

Tony now frowned. "I can stop it when you ask. There's no need to be an asshole about it."

"And you didn't need to be a douchebag who secretly records things," Stephen retorted lightly, still sorting his books.

"My glasses aren't very secretive. You've heard me talk at FRIDAY before." He sat down and pulled on his socks, then shoes. "I figured you knew."

"People don't normally record their whole life."

"Have you never been on YouTube or something?"

Stephen sighed. "You're really irritating."

"That makes two of us," Tony retorted, but he threw the wizard—sorcerer—a bone. "I'll cut the recording. There, done." He leaned back in the seat. "And I won't look inside any books anymore. Lesson learned."

Another sigh, but Stephen stacked the remaining books that needed sorting in a pile (with magic, of course) and took a seat at his desk, across from where Tony sat. "I'm tempted to never let you in here again, if this is how visits are going to be." But he was summoning some sort of drink, two cups, and actions spoke louder than words in Tony's world.

"I'll be better behaved next time," he replied, tone overly serious. "But moving on: like I told you, I found something that I think is more in your field than mine."

As he gave Stephen the small puzzle box with weird energy vibes, and saw the man's face light up in fascination and intense concentration, Tony figured that despite their differences (and similarities), that he could, in the end, potentially really get along with Stephen Strange.

#stephen strange #tony stark #avengers fanfiction #doctor strange #iron man #doctor strange fanfic #genre: humor #prompt fill #anonymous #my writing #my fanfiction #fanfic

[madonna-la-cardinalessa]

Another tag by my beautiful friend @tiffany-of-wales which I am glad to do finally :D

Flower tag:

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? 

Unicorns. And I also believe that what we call mythical creatures once did exist and somewhere still do.

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls? 

May I say CDs instead? I always like to have a CD booklet and like own the CD, putting it in my cupboard and say “ Look, I own this.” – not only on an online platform.

 primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read? 

Hmmm. Everyone? I do not think every book if for everyone but I recommend classics from Goethe, Schiller, Lessing and Shakespeare.

 lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets? 

I share some clothes with my mom. But if I had a boyfriend rn I would love to cuddle in his hoodies at times I think^^”

 bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month? 

That I finished my bachelor’s thesis. I learned so much and I hope the work was worth it so that I pass it and get a good mark!

 gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? 

That I will try to get things done now that I have time during Corona.

 lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? 

Forests!

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

Definitely not Ö.ö

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits? 

Yes!

 apricot drift; how do you feel right now?

Bored. I don’t like the current situation.

 everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having? 

Omg this night I dreamed sm shit, I swear. I was horse riding at night in the forests (no sane soul would do that lol) and found a deserted planetarium.

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now? 

Getting a good mark on my bachelor’s thesis xD Oh, and I hope that I will be able to visit Rome this year – we had to cancel the Rome trip that was planned in a week for obvious reasons..

 lavender dream; turn ons/offs? 

Dangerous vibes/ being clingy and/or wimpy.

 water lilly; when was the last time you cried? 

Last week I think. Maybe the one before that.

 lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

No.

 winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream? 

Depends, actually I do both.

 honey perfume; favorite movie ever? 

Hände weg von Mississippi (2007), Die Wilden Hühner (2006), most Studio Ghibli movies.

 desert rose; do you like yourself? 

Yes, I do.

 snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity? 

Yes, I did.

 night owl; how many countries have you visited? 

Only 5.

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?

Many, many times. I love visiting castles and monasteries.

 creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? 

Riding nearly every day into the woods with my high speed thoroughbred? xD Does that count? My girl is FAST.

 lantana; what’s on your mind right now? 

My horse Poly <3

 pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

I’m a Capricorn.

 tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

1. Even though I may look like it, I am no party girl at all.

2. Since childhood I had to deal with envy towards me which is why I never had many friends.

3. My best friend and I broke up several times – we’re both stubborn but we love each other a lot.

4. My love for history started with a documentary I watched when I was about 14. It was about vampirism in the balkan states. And it manifested with watching “The Tudors”, since then I knew that I wanted to study history – and now I do.

5. Without my friend Sandy I would have never settled down in church history during the Renaissance.

 daphne; do you believe in karma?

Absolutely.

 queen of the meadow; ever been in love?

Never with a person from this time period, no. I hope I will in near future tough.

 wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

People who don’t spend their time with overthinking what other people might think of them.

 angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

The tales my father invented for me.

 remember me; did you make someone laugh today?

My dog when I offered him a bit of my banana.

 iris; do you believe in ghosts?

Yes.

 lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

That is hard. Renaissance Italy sure is fascinating but 17th century Europe comes to my mind more often, it’s weird.

 caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? 

Maybe not living forever, But I would not mind at all staying young and beautiful as long as I live xD

 primula; what makes you sad?

What mankind does to the world, to the earth to it’s creatures: plants and animals. I think we deserve to suffer and die out.

 rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?

No, since everything is upside down thanks to Corona.

 queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

Myself.

 Lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?

Toast with Nutella and fennel tea. <3.

 forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

I wished I had done more social things during my teens. I was always studying and reading with my head in the clouds. I wonder how things would be different now when I had been in relationships earlier etc.

 lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?

Torn between LOTR and Harry Potter.

 violet; favorite tv show?

Borgia, now and always.

 sunflower; share a favorite quote.

Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.

 snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

Getting up early, go seeing my horse and take a long ride into the woods. The weather would be cold but sunny. After having a nice lunch with my mom I would relax in the afternoon and then go visiting my best friend, for dinner we would have sushi and watch a nice movie together like best friends do. When I got home I would watch an episode of Borgia to relax and then go to bed <3.

 tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?

Reading, writing, history, horse riding, dreaming…..

 peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.

In Neil Gaiman’s Coraline when Coraline is about to find the last child’s soul and the other crazy old man says: “You’re too clever and too quiet for them to understand. They don’t even get your name right.” I feel that sm.

 tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?

Partying maybe? I am a very shy person and would feel uncomfortable but I am afraid I miss something always staying at home at night.

 honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?

Mostly about my age, but I like the guys to be older than me tbh.

 sweet pea; who means the world to you?

My horse Poly.

 love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?

Actually I really enjoy Ludwig von Pastor’s History of the Popes. It may have it’s flaws but I it is really good researched and I appreciate all the notes and footnotes. Even though it’s academic literature it is still enjoyable to read.

 foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

Sailor Moon! If that counts as a cartoon.

 magnolia; coffee or tea?

Tea, I have one right now.

 crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

Can’t I have both?

 snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?

I love both but probably more a dog person.

 bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?

History.

 cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?

Yes, we are so small, aren’t we? And yet mankind pretends to be so special and to know everything. How pitiful.

 moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

Fir Green.

 freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?

I think so, yes.

 sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?

A morning person.

 poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

Yes, but I try to lock it inside.

 clover; how would your friends describe you?

Calm but clever.

 dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?

Introvert.

 lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

In romance novels I am always waiting for the s*x passages lol xD Probably because this kind of thing is missing in my life atm xD

 anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

Astute, spiritual, special.

 lotus; best memory as a child?

The holidays in Bavaria. Nothing was more beautiful.

 angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?

Smokey grey, blonde.

 dahlia; do you like crystals?

Yes.

 buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

Let everything bad for the environment disappear.

 baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?

Slytherin.

 calendula; biggest pet peeve?

Pollution.

 blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?

If you read everything till now you will now – stay home with my pet and watch a movie/read a book. xD

 blazing star; share a secret.

Why would I?

 carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?

Happier.

 petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?

I stopped looking for rolemodels but try to live and be the best I can.

 bluebell; do you wear glasses?

Nope.

And I tag everyone who wants to do this :D

#about me #me

[epilogue-and-prologue]

Promises - Part. III - Of New Promises

Plot: You’ve known him your whole life. You stopped waiting for him when he comes back and claims you are his. Note: Eomer is a soldier. He is good looking. He is faithful and brave. And pretty much a jerk when it comes to another people’s will, like his sister’s. That’s pretty much all I get from him and I wanted to explore the character a bit. Consider that I have NOT read the books so… It may be not good on the edges. Or all over. Not – yet – King of Rohan. Somewhat of an in-between situation. Disclaimers: LotR does not belong to me. Warnings: OC’s death, pinning after someone, loss and grief.

You went back to your everyday life without looking back. Leaving was not an option. You were not a quitter and this – whatever this was – had come to an end. Eomer did not send any other of his squires after you, and you learned to tame your heart into believing it was the right thing to do. When the time came for you to stop wearing this dark-coloured dress mourning and grief put on you, you stopped not dwelling on the empty feeling at the pit of your stomach. You were merely existing, not living any more.

On his part, Eomer had much to do with new soldiers in training. War was never an easy business, nevertheless you knew it would hit you head on. Peace, on the other hand, was another thing entirely. It let you dig your own grave with economics, sickness, famine amongst other things. The soldier in him had learned a long time ago not to let his guard down so easily. In truth, he was only keeping himself occupied, his mind too tired in the evenings to even question the early hours he woke up to. His sister’s and brother-in-law’s questions did nothing to help those insomnia he was plagued with. Eomer was a man of few words, but, for you, one sleepless night, observing the darkest sky he had ever seen, he tried.

The next day, you found a missive upon your door. You did not read it right away, putting it aside from your cooking dinner to read it only in the evening. But the content cut any hunger you could have had that night.

‘Dear My Beloved

My Dearest,

               I have no idea what to tell you. I have been eager to write to you in the past days without you. Around me, around the palace, the night is darkest as ever, as the only thing I can person my thoughts are turning to is you. There are a few things I wanted you to know over the past years but could never go past my tongue. Maybe it is best for you to stay away from me after what I have done to you but.

As I told you, my language is only significant through actions, not words. When we were young, I wished – in great and many prayers – to be a man worthy of you. I sincerely tried to be. After my first battle, I understood it would be impossible for me to be that man. The man you were caring for, inside of me. I recognised the affliction before it hit you, because it made me feel for you first. That man would not have done what I did that very day.

My actions became the reasons to let you go. I could not be worthy of you. Not at the time, and I understood, especially not now. If you can accept my apologies, I would be the most grateful man alive.

I am afraid you were mistaken in your last visit. I never would have asked for your forgiveness especially not on a matter like this one. Your grief and pain make the mourning of those we lost even more unbearable, that is why you should understand what I meant by that action, that day. I only wished to see you once more before my departure for Gondor along the Rohirrim. My sole wish was to set things right, to explain to you my previous actions. You understood them so easily once, it did not come to my attention that we both had changed as the time had passed.  

Again, my sincere apologies go to your grieving soul. I am truly sorry for your loss and know that I will never be able to repair what I broke in you. Know only of my deepest affections and feelings for you, now and always.

               Eomer.’

As realisation dawned on you, tears escaped you once more, as you were not able to contain them. You could not and would not find peace in a merciful slumber. You were haunted by unfulfilled desires to run to his rooms and stop him. Stop him from ever leaving again, make him swear to stay by your side now and always afterwards.

Something inside you had finally snapped. After all those years apart, today was the day he had chosen to tell you all this, without any warnings whatsoever. He thought so low of himself according to standards you never even set in the first place! Your soul was bursting at the seams, anger, rage, sadness, grief, all coming back to you in one swift motion, escalating your sobs to full body-shaking cries.

When you finally calmed down, hours passed by as your mind rummaged around your skull, looking for a solution, a way out.

In the first moments of light, you were dressed up and going straight to his room. You knew your way around the place since you were a child, as you had worked at the palace before. It took you at least ten good minutes to go to his door. And about six seconds to get in as a guard was coming your way.

Your back to the door, you could only notice the steps echoing away from your position. As you took in your surroundings, you noticed the warmth the fire spread through the room, the heat of the first lights of the sun coming through the windows to your skin, and finally the curtains of Eomer’s bed, untouched.

How could he still be asleep at this hour?

Before you could stop yourself and realise how surreal the whole ordeal was, you pulled the pieces of clothes apart – the closest to you, being the footing of the bed. Only then you saw it was empty. The door behind you opened slowly, revealing Eomer in its wake. He did not notice your presence at first, as he closed it gently before releasing a breath. When he raised his tired eyes, you stood there, not daring to move or break the eye contact.

‘We need to talk Eomer.’

He silently agreed, his eyebrows knitted together as he pulled a chair out for you, in front of the fireplace, before sitting in the opposite. You did not take a step before he settled.

His hair glowed with the flames and you could not stop yourself from looking at him.

You felt as if nothing was left to be said. Still, in the silence of the room, everything you ever wanted him to know echoed in you, echoed through the walls within your heart, your whole body clenching into your fists, not knowing where to look or how to behave.

He opened his mouth, as if to speak when you intervened.

‘I received your letter.’

He sucked in a breath.

‘I…’ You turned your eyes away from him, gazing into the fire without really seeing it.

‘I am sorry. I did not know of your feelings nor your actions. If I had known… —But you did not.’

A sad smile crossed his features.

‘There is nothing more that could have been done. I was set on that path and even you could not have prevented fate from happening. It is me who should be sorry. I wasted years of my youth trying to prove myself to you … when you did not want me back. —What do you mean? —I know you moved on what we had a long time ago, there is no need for me to entertain the idea of…’

He closed his eyes for a second, releasing a shaky breath.

‘Anyhow, I only want us to be friends again. To talk again. Would it be too much to ask?’

You felt your fists clench again before tears fell on your cheeks and chin.

‘Eomer… —If it is too much I won’t ask anything out of you any more… If it is your wish, I will respect… —It is not enough.’

He reached out for your hands, holding them in his, hope settling in his eyes as shock took over his demeanour.

‘What? —I cannot be friends with you. It would not be enough for me…’

You figured that, if there was even a chance, you had to take it.

‘I never stopped having… I never stopped caring for you.’

You rubbed the tears away, letting them dry at the corners of your eyes. Eomer was still holding your hands, slowly rubbing the knuckles with his thumbs as to reassure you.

‘Neither did I… —I still have feelings for you. I still want you. I always have. Even with … Gallen. He knew it, just did not care or did not want to.’

You were now whispering.

‘I love you.’

Your face torn, your tears spilling out, your sobs echoed in Eomer’s ears as if they were sirens calling him. The soldier threw himself at your feet, taking your face in his hands, trying to make you stop. His arms embraced you, as yours did with him. The crying stopped on its own but you were still shaking when he looked into your eyes.

‘I … I love you too.’

He could not stop his smile. You started to cry again.

‘I know. But this cannot be, this cannot happen. Not now, not ever… I am not worthy of you, remember?’

Your hand wash on his cheek, and even if the thought crossed your mind, fleeing was not an option. You had to face it all.

He pecked your lips gently, making you gasp. If it were not for the closeness, you would never have guessed he was blushing.

It made you chuckle and smile. You went to kiss him and met him halfway, every touch setting you ablaze.

You stopped, catching both your breaths, putting your foreheads together and grinning like teenagers on the verge of catastrophe.

‘Marry me.’

Eomer caressed your hair, tucked a piece of it behind your ear, locking eyes with you.

‘Your worth has nothing to do with it. If you become my wife, nobody will ever question your worth for me… —Aren’t you going a little fast?’

He laughed.

‘For all those years of yearning and pain and waiting? It will never be fast enough, my love.’

Your stomach flipped like it did every time he used the nickname.

‘For now, I only ask you to love me forever. —Only? —Well, if I’m yours as you say, it would not be too hard… —Alright! I have loved you for decades, I can love you for a few more. That I can promise.’

He pecked your cheeks. Your nose, your closed eyes making you laugh wholeheartedly.

‘What about you my love? Don’t you promise to do the same? —Have I not already? —I want to hear you say it.’

Taking a deep breath, he started.

‘I, Eomer, will carry out my love for as long as it am able to do so. Decades or nights, seasons or months. I will always love you.’

A new chapter was to be written out of those words. New promises for a new life, hopeful, happy, together.

#promises series #eomer x reader #lotr imagine #promises part.3

[fireeaglespirit]

@beyond-far-horizons

I do. I’ve always shied away from the LOTR/Sil community on tumblr or anywhere cos I want to keep my attachment to them all to myself given how formative they were for me and still are. Never the less I do like this interpretation of Melkor’s actions over Tolkien’s “he is Satan and darn right bad!” cos I have always been a fangirl of Melkor esp because most of the Valar are such stuck up good too shoes (apart from Ulmo - love you Ulmo!) Basically I adore Melkor (even though I don’t justify what he did) and Ulmo, like Nienna, Aule, Yavanna and Varda but Manwe….Manwe…just too good…and ‘the Windlord’ just isn’t a good title in some senses of the word hehe. It’s just the selfish way they acted towards the elves and especially humanity - no special treatment for them, no guidance (apart from Ulmo - what a dude) and then they wake up and get dragged into the war between Melkor and the elves - even though they didn’t start it and will not get reborn if killed. Okay okay Melkor was terrible and did terrible things but I’ve never liked that dualistic way of thinking as much as i admire the Professor. 

I’m replying here as to avoid any problems with the og of the post or whatever, but yeah... this is as far as I go concerning fandom right now but it was very worthy reading the book, I did enjoy it when I got a hold on how to read it properly. 

I must be honest and say, some parts were a chore to get through but others were so delightful it paid off in the end, much like other books I’ve enjoyed including ASOIAF which had painfully lackluster parts, I do dig for the gems and its always worthy.

I did write a huge post concerning the first parts of it and my thoughts, but I don’t know if I’ll post it as its a bit too harsh (extremely delicate subject for some, I know but for me nothing is sacred on this regard) on some elements which after some research made more sense to me. Also, taking in consideration the time period it was written and some info about the author made it much better for me to get into it, etc... I’m also highly tolerant of different world views (for real) so even thought I don’t agree with some of his concepts and I oppose some of them, I can sort of ‘ignore them’ in order to enjoy my cherry picked favorite aspects of the creation and even taking them into consideration is interesting for the ‘different point of view’ I mentioned.

As you wisely notice I don’t have much love for the whole bible-like aspects which by any means pertain just to the structure of the early parts of the book, but to the ongoing theme of the battle of good x evil, including most of the morale of the book itself which feels very ‘christian’ and monotheistic despite the presence of the Valar as god-like figures, which superficially might look polytheistic, Eru’s influence is undeniable even when he’s not actively present in the narrative: All good stems from Eru, or being close to him and following his way and almost every bad thing that happens is due to the meddling of a single guy whose own very existence was allowed by Eru and who opposes him... In the end, all evil comes from not following god’s will or not believing him. Don’t need to say I’m not a huge fan of the concept *coughs*

Anyway, I also recently read through the parts concerning Numenor and it made me angry also, especially concerning the way humans were left with no guidance at all, it no wonder they feel prey to manipulation, they were starved for something they could never achieved and they could never be enlightened on the reason for that. 

I don’t know and never understood why ‘faith’ or believing without at sort of clue or proof is held in such a high stem by most people, so its hard for me to swallow the way the humans were just told to never fucking go to west and to not desire immortality which was just natural for elves and spirits and they were not given a proper explanation or reason why... they just had to believe it. I know the Valar aren't omniscient too so they don’t know Eru’s reason either, but they could've been more helpful concerning the subject of the undying lands, I know at some point they are more open about it but perhaps it was way too late. LOL. What would it cost for a higher being to just go there and tell them the story and  functioning of the world, etc... I don’t know if this sounds stupid or even makes sense but I felt sorry for the guys in Numenor who died in the collective murder by Eru (this stank of bible but wasn't nearly as bad since well just a little part of the world was swallowed up :l and god basically killed everyone save a guy and his little family so props to Eru). I feel weird.

The problem to me is not the monotheistic setting itself, but the fact its endorsed and not ever criticized, etc.. I could enjoy any book with any world view as long as it challenges itself and Tolkien just goes straight away and never look back in this. I guess I just have a more ‘cynical’ or ‘doubtful’ point of view regarding deities in general, esp. monotheistic ones so I’d rather have some more shades of gray concerning those who oppose the all powerful god, just like you did regarding the demons on the DMC fic verse where you can see there are multiple forces at play and its not so simple, but I digress its just the way things are and that’s what the book is and its a relatively old book with different mindset and cultural references than we commonly have today.

To me, taking it away and just overlooking certain implications I can sort of get behind it, lol.

I’m also not a huge fan of the Valar, personally, they look cool as heck but most of them are indifferent AF and don’t act much. Worse than that, they don’t seem to hold much concern towards humanity... During the war of the wrath I just kept thinking “why haven’t you done this before??” and lol

I guess its a bit like my own Polaris whom after meddling with humanity for long just took a back seat, sort of understandable when things went awry before and you just don’t know if your meddling is causing good or bad anymore so you just let it be for a while, and for those beings a ‘while’ might mean centuries easy. The Valar, just like my dragons hold a lot of power, compared to ‘gods’ but neither hold omniscience so its understandable that they make mistakes, I just don’t necessarily agree with the position of utter indifference they took after some events... I mean to work with this theme concerning my dragons and how they deal with this so it was interesting nonetheless seeing the story evolve and what it leads to.

Anyway, the Silm. has a very interesting arc concerning its mythology since the higher power consecutively ‘take a back seat’ in order to let the world develop on its own, first of all is Eru himself and them slowly the ranks of spirits whom where once the focus of attention leave the picture one after the other until the story is taken over mostly by elves and afterwards even the elves leave the scene for humans to take over. This is very interesting and works to explain why the ‘powers that be’ are not as vivid as they were, etc... I really enjoyed reading the over arching theme and how it played out, it will definitely help me on my writing endeavors.

I totally agree on Ulmo like FFS he was the only guys still around when shit went down and he was always there trying to help the ‘good guys’, also Aule has some interesting facets early on and well... the Valar look incredible, especially Varda & birdy (fart) lord Manwe, but they don’t hold much more to me than cool looks, which is sad as they had potential. Also, I live for goth queen Nienna but she does nothing through the story...

Well, once more we’re left in the world of ‘what could've been’. I’m quite used to it and not complaining, just stating in my personal opinion the text could be easily turned into something much more interesting to me with minor tweaks. 

#beyond-far-horizons #silmarillion #random

[maryellencarter]

What is your middle name? -- You know, about a year ago in a D&D session, I was attempting to sass the big bad (I’m much better at sass when I have time to think about it, D&D is such a time pressure that I’ve wound up playing much more of a strong silent type than I intended), and I said “Defiance is my middle name” and the DM wound up making Defiance the name of the country my character is from. Which is a delightful sort of NYC/Vegas mashup, quite different from Defiance, Ohio. ^_^ Also the capital city is called Skreuyu (pronounced, of course, Screw-you). :D

What are you passionate about? -- Dear god. What aren’t I passionate about? O_O I could attempt a brief and incomplete list, but this is a long meme anyway. ;-) Besides, you’re here, you’ll hear about it all sooner or later. XD

Zebra or leopard print? -- Either one, but only if it’s in day-glo neon rainbow colors. And not to wear, particularly. Fake-fur blankets and pillows, mostly. Lisa Frank was... a formative influence. ^_^ If I ever have money to actually decorate a place of my own, it’s gonna look very much like Wes Janson decorated it, although possibly with fewer Ewoks. (I do have a BB-8 penny bank, though.)

Do you have any fears? -- Honestly, at this exact moment, I’m too damn sleep-deprived to know. XD When I’m awake it’s probably social anxiety stuff. When I wake up at 4am tomorrow in my car, I may or may not be having the kind of weird quasi-psychotic fears that come with a certain level of sleep deprivation, where I’m suddenly convinced my laptop is going to eat me. Right now, nothing especially comes to mind.

Silver or gold? -- To wear? Gold. My skin corrodes silver. But as a color, I like silver better.

Top three places to visit? -- Ooh. Um. That I’ve been to, or not? I want to go back to Washington DC, and someday I want to be extremely sane and go back to Indiana, and someday I’d like to go back to the Black Hills and see all the geology tourism things, because the only one I saw as a kid was Mount Rushmore, which is more of a colonialism tourism thing. That I’ve not been to... Scotland, maybe? And Hawaii and Yellowstone, again for the geology nerdery? I feel like there are places I’ve very specifically wanted to go someday that I’m blanking on.

Where are you from? -- Indiana, once upon a time. Love the place, cannot deal with the people. Miss the snow. And the autumn leaves. And the library.

First career you wanted as a child? -- Paleontologist, best I can remember. Some things stay pretty constant. I don’t have the physical health to be a geologist anymore, if I ever did, but damn, I still want to take some more classes or keep up with the field somehow.

What’s your sign? -- You know, I’m not being bothered with this at the moment. I’m sure it’ll come up in a reblog pretty soon, I do those memes a lot.

Future names of your children? -- I refuse to have any. Five generations my bio-family has fucked up, all by trying too damn hard not to be their mothers. I will be a weird adopted relative and not name anybody anything.

What are you listening to right now? -- A fifteen-minute instrumental cover of “Turkey in the Straw”, to block out the myriad noises of the fast food place so I can think words. I’ve been looping it for hours and I’ll presumably be looping it for hours more.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? -- I have a lot of weird conflicting opinions about things like fate and destiny. I think if the universe is being... directed, by a god or fate or destiny or anything with intelligence or purpose, it’s an asshole and ought to be punched. It’s not actually any less depressing if the universe is being run by random chance and just happens to shake out in ways that make it seem like it’s being run by an asshole, but it’s less angering. *tries to word* I do get the feeling, the... desire for shit to have a purpose and to make sense, but a big part of me thinks that’s pareidolia or something related. It’d be nice if all this bullshit was eventually gonna shake out to me being either a stable human being or an epic hero, but I strongly doubt it. (And even if it did, a smart enough god should be able to get me there with less suffering, if it wanted to. So at minimum, if there’s a fate or god or destiny directing me, it’s either sort of incompetent, or motivated by priorities like taking the most direct route rather than minimizing the chances for me to die along the way, or it’s kind of a sadist. Sorry, I have Feelings about this one.)

Ethan, however, has a take that I think is... relevant, to the state of the world at the moment. He thinks the specifics of the world at any given time are all determined by chaos and random motion, but that there’s a cosmic balance between... stuff that’s very hard to give names to. “Good and evil” is part of it. “Order and entropy” might be a little closer. “Light and darkness”, whatever. But there’s this cosmic balance, and if, say, the Forces of Evil or whatever you want to call them... if something pushes too hard in one direction, tries to make one side win, the universe is gonna bounce back. There’s always gonna be that push-pull. Lots of people can get hurt or killed in the process, but because Ethan and I both read LOTR at formative ages, where we wind up at is the line “They cannot conquer forever”. You can’t have... you can’t get stuck. This is probably terribly Manichaean or something of us, but right now that’s the best I can word. That there’s always gonna be the thing you are Against, but there’s also always gonna be the thing you are For, even if one of them gets pretty squished for a while.

What are your career goals? -- Sometimes what you want to be when you grow up is “paid”. ;P I’d like to reach a point where I never have to ask the internet for money again, while continuing to be alive, and maybe can even give other people money. Help support my friends, travel around doing meetups, go to conventions or whatever, maybe do some cosplay. What exact job I’d be doing, Chaos only knows.

What is your favorite color? -- Blue. Royal blue, midnight blue, cobalt blue. Often with stars on.

What is your favorite flower? -- Uh. I’m gonna say these little striped white and purple crocuses that would come up through the snow in the spring? I loved those.

What was the first concert/show you attended? -- The Monkees 45th anniversary reunion concert. I said at the time that I’d blown five years of luck on the improbable string of coincidences that led to me getting there, but I’m so damn glad it happened, because I enjoyed it immensely, and Davy Jones died before what would have been their 50th. And hey, that was 2011, maybe I’m accumulating some luck again. ;-)

Something you are working on right now? -- This meme? XD In more general terms, reblobbenating some really old posts from my previous blog, as well as filling up my queue from same. It’s pretty slow going.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? -- Not the sort where you see a tunnel of light or go out of your body. Just the kind where you nearly die. :P

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? -- Pfffft. Time management is something that happens to other people. ;P Occasionally I do get something done right away, but mostly it’s the night before deadline, or sometimes the night after. o_O Maybe when I have some spoons I’ll be better at that.

Left or right handed? -- Right. Very much so. My left hand is clumsy enough that I never did really get the hang of playing the piano with both hands, and I still struggle with video games that aren’t Mass Effect. (I’m good at Mass Effect because I’ve been playing it for something like five years at this point. ^_^)

TV Shows and anime you watch regularly -- Hah. I don’t watch anything regularly. I don’t even read books regularly, I go through phases where I don’t read a book for months and then suddenly I’m reading ten in a day. And I don’t do open canons, anyway; they interact badly with my particular anxieties and stress levels.

Halloween costume idea for this year? -- I generally default to a cowboy or a pirate. I also have a witch hat now. But I might come up with something else. Living in an apartment complex, though, there will be no trick-or-treaters, so unless I wind up working somewhere that does Halloween costumes, the point is rather moot.

What is your relationship status? -- Single, aromantic, have never dated anyone, would rather like a primary relationship at some point but that’s an issue for when I can support myself. :P

Last movie you just watched? -- I genuinely don’t know. Probably Black Panther? No, that was like February. Hot Fuzz?

A song that’s been stuck in your head? -- This very seldom happens to me. I think the last one was Janice Buckner’s “Strange Friends”, a little-known ‘80s children’s song, of which I can remember neither the tune nor the lyrics. Usually I can at least remember the lyrics even if I don’t know what tune they went to.

A book you want to read/have recently read? -- Erm. I just reread Aaron Allston’s X-wing books, if you can call it rereading when I was mostly skimming looking for good tumblr URLs (I found a lot, but none that felt like me). I’m not really in a reading phase at the moment, so.

#reblog if meme #sort of #i'm not really sure what to call this sort of meme

[fansplaining]

Transcript: Episode 71: Lori Morimoto

(episode | show notes)

[Intro music: Awel by Stefsax]

Flourish Klink: Hi, Elizabeth!

Elizabeth Minkel: Hi, Flourish!

FK: And welcome to Fansplaining, the podcast by, for, and about fandom!

ELM: This is Episode 71, Lori Morimoto.

ELM: Who… yeah, yay! Yes. Who you may remember from oh, I wanna say Episode 29. Did I just pull that number out correctly?

FK: I have no idea, we will have it in the show notes.

ELM: Don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it. Our Shipping and Activism episode. I swear to God it’s 29. I don’t know why I’m leaning in on this, but. Which was with Lori, Dr. Lori Morimoto, and Rukmini Pande, both fan studies scholars, where we talked about a specific topic, which was shipping and activism, and how those things aren’t necessarily…What’s the does not equal sign? You know?

FK: Yes.

ELM: Let me say this as awkwardly as possible! We had them both on to talk about a specific topic, so we wanted to talk to them separately about their work generally so hopefully we’ll have Rukmini on sometime in the near future. But first up, Lori!

FK: Yeah, and I’m especially excited to have her on. I think you are too, because she studies transcultural fandom and we had a question about that when we were on Australian live radio that we totally could not answer, so we’ll ask her about that question and hopefully she’ll drop some knowledge on us.

ELM: Yes we were on Australian radio, which was… it was an exciting experience for me, I’ve never done live radio before.

FK: Me neither!

ELM: And it was especially exciting because it was in Australia and we had to go on the air at 7PM our time, which was 10 in the morning their time, and I went on the way to the studio I went to get a coffee, and I was like “I’m going to be on the radio in Australia right now!” And the people at the coffee shop were just like, have you lost your mind? They literally could not process those words. I was like “yeah and the funny thing about it is it’s tomorrow there!” That made it so much worse. They were like “take your coffee good luck you can do it!” So that was exciting for me.

FK: I love that you overshared this to your barista. OK. [laughing]

ELM: I talk, do you not say all sorts of…look, OK. I’ve worked at a racetrack now for 15 years, right?

FK: I say all sorts of weird stuff to, I’m not saying that I don’t, I’m just saying that I love that this particular one you told your barista and they thought you were insane.

ELM: They asked me how I was doing and I just wanted to let them know what was going on! I’m just going to say that if you talk to, don’t be creepy and don’t tell people to smile, ever, but if you find yourself chatting with people in a service capacity, you’re not alone. Tons of people do that.

FK: Yeah. I also chat with people in a service capacity cause they’re humans [ELM laughing] who I’m having an interaction with! It’s only this specific thing which is really hard to explain to somebody that you decided to share. [both laughing] You know sometimes when someone pulls something out you’re just like “why did you choose to share that?” It’s not bad, it’s just like why was that the thing?

ELM: I never feel that way.

FK: Oh my God. OK OK. We need to get back on topic because I think we have a couple of letters to read before we call Lori.

ELM: Yes, we do! They’re about our Fandom Tourism episode, another topic that people…I feel like we keep going through this wave where we’ll do a topic and then we’ll get many weeks of responses. This seems to be one that has struck something.

FK: And then we have ones that we think people are going to respond to and everyone’s like, nope.

ELM: Crickets. [FK laughs] It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s nice to be surprised constantly. So, I don’t know. This is not surprising that people are interested in this because I think this is something that we, you know, I don’t wanna say that we all engage in it but I think that a lot of people and obviously not everyone has the opportunity to travel but you can even do it within the place that you live if you happen to be lucky enough to live in the place where your fandom has taken place. You know what I mean?

FK: Totally. OK. Do you wanna read the first letter or shall I?

ELM: I can read the first letter! This is from Livia, who I believe is the same Livia that wrote in a while back to talk about YA.

FK: I believe so!

ELM: So thanks for writing again! “Hey there. On the topic of fan tourism with non fictional people and places, my friend’s mum is an English teacher and she loves Shakespeare. She has a life size cardboard cutout of him in her classroom.” That’s really good. “Every year…” That was my editorialization. “Every year my friend’s family goes to Stratford Upon Avon in the summer, where Shakespeare used to live, and they always tour his old house and go see his mum’s farm and stuff. My friend says every single time they go her mom is totally awestruck and is like ‘Shakespeare once stood here!’ and always quotes the bit of Romeo and Juliet about paving stones. Thanks again, Livia.” That’s adorable. I like that she does this every time. [FK laughing] I also love the idea, do you, when you visit a place where you know someone that you admire has been, do you think about that? Do you think, like, “X has stood here”?

FK: Yeah!

ELM: Yeah?

FK: Sure! Absolutely!

ELM: That’s funny!

FK: I don’t think that I like, I mean, I don’t sit there and rhapsodize on it, but definitely I can’t imagine it NOT crossing my mind.

ELM: You’re gonna quote Shakespeare at the spot that you’re standing?

FK: Yeah, probably…no, I don’t know. I might, if I were there! I don’t wanna say I’m too cool for that.

ELM: [laughing] It’s just funny to try to think about, sure, you’re also probably breathing the same air molecule. Right? What are the odds? Actually the odds are probably incredibly low.

FK: But isn’t that awesome? We’re all made of stars Elizabeth!!!

ELM: Oh Jesus. It’s just funny. It’s a funny way to think about it. In the same way that I find materiality really interesting. And the fact that…there’s a classic old RadioLab about materiality like this, where it’s about trying to sort out people who care about the specificities of an object, the meaning behind a specific object, vs. the people who don’t. One of the hosts has this total, OK. It’s a baseball that, you know, Hank Aaron held. OK. And the other one is like DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! IT WAS HANK AARON’S BASEBALL! I don’t know, this is a random example, I don’t think that was actually one of them.

FK: Yeah, it is funny. I think I’m pretty far on the “I don’t care” scale and yet I still get this feeling. You know? I’m not usually super super super invested in that. But it’s not foreign to me, you know what I mean? There must be people who are much less on this scale, who are even further yet like “I don’t care that someone touched this at all.”

ELM: Right? Which is…it’s just interesting to think about that’s all.

FK: OK, should I read the next letter?

ELM: Yes!

FK: OK. This one is from Stephanie Burt who we had on for two episodes before. And she writes: “LotR movie fandom has absolutely transformed international tourism in NZ. There are enormous LotR/ Hobbit film sets or creatures in the Wellington and Auckland airports. As of 2004 6% of international tourists visiting NZ say LotR is one of their reasons for visiting, 1 in 100 that it was their only reason. I suspect numbers are higher today.

“You can take helicopter tours of the country organized around it, and there are several full-time visit-the-movie set places: we’ve been to the most famous one, the set for the Shire in Matamata, central North Island, and it is an absolute delight but, also, a demonstration of industrial-scale tourism, getting tourbusloads of people in and out in an hour, hour after hour. There are other sites that work the same way.

"The prominence of LotR among international images of New Zealand, and its place in the tourist industry, is a source of money and employment but also a source of amusement and sometime irritation for people who actually live there; I suspect book-fandom LotR types are not entirely happy about the widespread misconception that Tolkien intended LotR to take place there—the whole country on occasion seems to have re-branded itself as Middle Earth, and NZ writers sometimes make fun of the image. (The NZ poet Murray Edmond has a very funny new poem about what to do when you find a dead hobbit in your garden.) When you—that is, when I—tell people we’ve recently lived in NZ, "oh! Middle Earth!” is one of the most common things that I hear.

“NZ isn’t MIddle Earth, just like Christ Church, Oxford isn’t Hogwarts. And in both cases it’s slightly annoying both that the fan tourism has made it harder to see the actual people and their cultural production, and that the movie producers’ choice of location has made it harder to bring our own ideas to the books.

"But it’s fun! and it’s an important source of revenue for NZ—especially for the less urbanized parts of the country, which seem to really benefit from the tourism.”

And as you probably can gather, Stephanie spent some time living in New Zealand recently, so.

ELM: Gathered. That’s interesting. I think that’s a really interesting duality going on, this idea of…duality isn’t the right word, but the idea that it takes away, not only are you ignoring the real, I mean, there it seems like it’s more about ecological…it’s not the same as the center of Oxford which is very much man made history, maybe this is natural history. I’m just assuming based on what I know of New Zealand’s sheep population [FK laughs] that it’s not a ton of structures, plus I’ve seen those Lord of the Rings movies, so it’s like…that kind of simultaneously contracting from the real thing and other forms of tourism while imposing this sort of…is hegemony the right word?

FK: You love that word. You love the word “hegemony.”

ELM: I do. Once it came back into my vocabulary a couple weeks ago, I’ve been like “It’s been too long since we said hegemony all the time,” I feel like it’s a very 2000s word, and I wish that we said it more.

FK: I don’t know that I feel the same lack or the same destruction of, oh, the imagination I had in my mind before I read the book—I mean before I saw the movie, now that’s been destroyed by the movie. I don’t feel that way about it.

ELM: Really? Do you not, when you think of Harry Potter characters, do you see the world that Warner Brothers created? Do you see those actors? Maybe not all of them.

FK: Not all of them, but also maybe a sort of conceptual blend, you know what I mean?

ELM: But aesthetically though, they took a very specific…they made a very specific choice. It’s interesting when you look, you’ve seen the new illustrated editions?

FK: Yeah!

ELM: Aesthetically quite different!

FK: Yeah, I don’t feel like they’ve entirely contaminated my mind. And I don’t feel like Lord of the Rings has entirely contaminated my mind, either. I love the actors who played…

ELM: It has for me, but I didn’t read it till afterwards, so.

FK: Yeah, in addition to having read it many times before I saw it I reread it on a regular basis cause I’m that person.

ELM: Many times, Flourish, really?

FK: Yeah! I think I’ve probably read it 20 times. [ELM gasps] Yeah.

ELM: Do you…like the prose?

FK: Yeah! I mean…I wouldn’t say that it’s not…its own thing… [laughing] You know what I mean? It’s very much of itself, but yes, I enjoy it.

ELM: OK, OK!

FK: For what it is. And the way it is.

ELM: Sure.

FK: Yeah! I do like it. And I feel like I get something new out of it every time that I read it.

ELM: Solid.

FK: Yeah but so whatever, I liked the actress who plays Éowyn, she does a good job, but she doesn’t look anything like Éowyn. And that’s OK. You know what I mean? Fine. That’s all right.

ELM: Who’s the actress? Who is that actress?

FK: Miranda Otto.

ELM: What else has she been in?

FK: I have no idea. Not that much that I’ve seen. She’s nice. But Éowyn’s like a Valkyrie and she did a really good, even though she’s very small she did a really good job of…

ELM: She had a presence!

FK: She had a presence, but she’s just not the person I envisioned when I envisioned Éowyn. And that’s OK, it’s all right, but I don’t imagine her when I think of Éowyn.

ELM: Do you imagine Ian McKellan?

FK: Yeah, probably. [laughter] But I think I always imagined Ian McKellan! You know what I mean?

ELM: Yeah. Yes. So did Tolkien when he wrote it.

FK: Probably!

ELM: “Someday!” [laughing]

FK: Yeah. Yeah.

ELM: Alright. Back to Lori. Should we call her?

FK: Let’s call her!

[Interstitial music from the game “Glitch”]

FK: Alright! I think it’s time to welcome Lori Morimoto onto the podcast. Hooray! Hello, Lori!

LM: Hello!

ELM: Welcome back!

Lori Morimoto: Thank you for having me! Oh, thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

FK: I actually wonder because…I guess most people come back for our year in review episodes. I was looking at it and I was like “wow you’ve been on the podcast twice!” because of the year in review. So. It’s a pleasure to have you here for a third time.

LM: I’m very excited, so.

ELM: And we were on an episode of Three Patch Podcast together long before Fansplaining, so I just feel like we’re constantly podcasting together, second only to Flourish.

LM: It’s weird how these weird relationships develop online.

ELM: Wow you’re calling our relationship weird!

LM: Noooooo, I didn’t mean it that way [grumbling] [ELM laughs]

FK: Now I know what it must feel like to be the third person staring at me and you, Elizabeth.

ELM: You’re now the third wheel.

FK: Now, I’m the third wheel, it’s so weird! [all laugh]

ELM: Let’s get serious. So when you were on the first time with Rukmini, you were kind of on as experts in a topic. You weren’t really on specifically to talk about your work although obviously your work informed the discussion, but we had you on to discuss a specific issue. But I kinda want to take a step back and talk a little bit about your work. Do you even use the term “aca-fan” any more? I feel like this one is falling out of fashion with some people.

LM: It’s a tricky term, isn’t it?

ELM: Fan studies scholar?

LM: In writing I tend to say “scholar-fan.”

ELM: Like scholar dash fan?

LM: Yeah, scholar dash fan or whatever. Matt Hills does that, and I kind of prefer it to aca-fan just because aca-fan is so loaded now.

ELM: Yeah.

LM: Although on Twitter it’s @acafanmom, so go figure.

FK: Could you just summarize why aca-fan is so loaded? I think some people who listen to this podcast will have followed this, and some people will not.

LM: Well, if you join my Patreon course… [all laughing] I have a whole thing about aca-fan! Basically, it was, nobody’s really sure first of all where it started, it’s generally attributed to Harry Jenkins… Harry. [laughs] HENRY Jenkins. It kind of got a certain reputation within some parts of fandom as kind of academics who are trying to butt in and tell us how we do things and what we do and sort of… an interloper? Kind of? Impression, I guess. On the one side, on the fandom side.

And then on the academic side there were people who were concerned about a whole range of things from the being too close to what you study to aca-fan is kind of a pejorative, almost, or self-pejorative, term that increased not being taken seriously by other academics. So in general, the reason that I’m not particularly fond of it…I’m happy to go after the discipline, because I think that disciplinarity is a problem. Or at least it inhibits certain kinds of conversation. But the fan side of it bothers me enough that I don’t generally refer to myself that way.

ELM: In the context…

LM: In the context of fandom.

ELM: In fandom.

LM: But even in academia I don’t really any more, just because…I don’t know. I don’t feel it, you know?

ELM: Do you feel like you’ve had to take, over the last few years you’ve had to kind of rebifurcate those two parts of yourself? I would say, having been in fandom with you as well, and not just you but there was a period where I felt like I would see more scholars reference their experience and knowledge in discourse, and I think that after some…discourse…

FK: [laughing] In the popular sense…

ELM: People are less inclined to do that these days!

LM: I think that that whole thing…roughly 2013…that was sort of a turning point for me in identifying with that term. I thought that some of the fans that were going “you guys are just throwing your weight around” weren’t entirely unjustified in some ways. In others, things that I worried about at the time have actually kind of come to fruition, which is neither here nor there, but that was about the point that I decided at least within fandom I was still gonna be sort of open as a scholar, as a fan scholar, but I wasn’t really going to throw my weight around as a scholar in fannish spaces, if that makes sense.

ELM: Which is hard, I feel like. Flourish, does this all make sense to you? We’re speaking in veiled terms.

FK: I think it mostly makes sense although I’m curious about what you worried about and what has come to fruition, because when you speak in those terms it’s like “ooooooh, what has come to fruition?” I wanna push but I don’t wanna push, I don’t wanna be like tell me all the juicy gory…

LM: I’ll try to keep it as vague as possible! In the fandom I was in there was a lot of meta being written, some of it was really great, I’m reading it like “oh my god this is amazing.” And others of it read to me at the time I was teaching fan…not fan studies. I was teaching film studies. It read to me like very basic attempts at film analysis that needed some work.

And that was really where I directed my comments, if you will. And especially when some of the fans who were writing it began talking about how, you know, this is basically scholarship, and I’m sort of…it’s really basically not! Come on. And then there was a discussion about how meta is being written for fun, and I think they were right. It is written for fun. It isn’t trying to pass a class or anything like that. And so that was when I backed away.

FK: Right, so it sounds like it’s complex because on the one hand meta is something that’s written just for fun but then when people begin to speak about it as scholarship, which is something you do for work, it becomes like…I’m not sure that I can endorse this as scholarship. I imagine that people who work in the film industry feel similarly to some fan films, or even…

LM: It’s possible, yeah.

FK: Or even in some cases, I’m sure people feel this way about fanfic and this gets into the critique in fanfic aspect. Where does critique come in to any fan practice, and at what point can you not turn your brain off about that?

LM: Yeah, and I do think…as much as there are overlaps, we’re talking very different generic conventions across all of those things that you mentioned. And I think it’s the breakdown of those convention where people start getting a little excited about turf. Not that that was what I was concerned about at the time, it was much less…I’ll take good analysis from anybody! But scholarship is a specific genre of writing, and as intelligent as meta is, and it can be, I have the Fan Meta Reader online, I love it, as great as meta can be it’s a different genre of writing from scholarship. So that’s kind of where I got a little…

ELM: This is interesting though because I feel like a lot of the tensions between fan studies and fans are not…what you described is definitely something I’ve experienced as well, being a professional book critic and watching the ways sometimes people analyze some of these works, and I will feel like a dick but I’m also like “well… this is a really bad reading that you’re doing right now.” And these are things that you kind of practice, and obviously I know that you’re very conscious of this too, there’s levels of access to education and to languages and etc., but as far as I understand it a lot of the conflicts—and not necessarily the ones we’re talking about right now—between fan studies and fans are not so much about “you’re doing your fannish practice wrong,” it’s more about “can you even be trusted in that space, you’re going to study them, fans as lab rats and you’re the scientist.”

LM: Yeah, and it’s a legitimate concern, but one that fan studies itself is really unable to address in any meaningful way because by and large the scholarship on fans that has proven with the fullness of time to be untrustworthy generally doesn’t come out of fan studies, it comes from people who are in social psychology, or other fields basically who sort of…you have the same problem with media studies as well. Television in particular, and film. People are sort of, “well, I can watch films!” From no matter what discipline.

And as younger disciplines, as in the case of fan studies sort of…I don’t want to say we’re the bastard child of media studies but we’re certainly not [all laughing] the shining star, it’s really easy for what we do to just be overlooked. We have no control over what people outside of fan studies are doing. Within fan studies, we have extensive conversations about ethics, about methodologies…the methodology one is growing. But by and large, that kind of scholarship which does exist, I mean, I’ve seen it, and journalism as well, where people sort of flounce in, “oh my god there’s fanfiction!” You know. Shut up. [laughing]

ELM: Even when it’s not in a soul-crushing way… and I don’t wanna, you know, I have good friends who are fan culture journalists who definitely write about X fandom or whatever, here’s what’s happening in this fandom, let me break this down. You can probably…I don’t even need to subtweet. Gav does this. Aja’s done this before, and I’m good friends with both of them. But that’s not…I understand why people get anxious about that. Obviously it depends on how you do it, and it depends on people’s opinions of you as a writer, subtweeting something specific right now. But you know, I think people are always gonna get…do people who are the subject of an anthropological study feel comfortable?

LM: Right.

ELM: Would people, speaking about them in a detached tone as if they’re studying their lab rats, right? And I know anthropology’s very concerned about that. But still. It doesn’t change what it is. But…

LM: Well, if somebody in anthropology was like “here’s this small group of, relatively small group of scholars who study fans, let’s have a look,” yeah! That would feel weird! And I would at least…that’s sort of the approach I try to take with my own stuff. What would I want to know if somebody was talking about me, and how do I make that accessible to fans? So they can see what I’m saying. As you said, a lot of scholarship is inaccessible, not just by virtue of how it’s written or what it’s talking about, but oftentimes just because of the price of the book.

ELM: Literally you cannot access it, yes.

LM: Which you cannot afford it. And so I go to a lot of pains to try and make my stuff available one way or another. And that was really the impetus of the Fan Studies For Fans course over on Patreon.

ELM: Wait, tell us about this course though.

LM: OK! Fan Studies For Fans is a ten-lecture course that I decided to do back in August of last year. I am currently working on the fourth lecture, so it’s about that kind of pace. And it is actually the Patreon fees are by lecture not by month, because I knew this was gonna happen. And basically I’m just trying to talk to people who already have a grounding in what fandom is, at least as we understand it. So to add all of my qualifiers, it would basically be online, English-language, largely women’s fandom. Using that as the baseline that I don’t have to explain, I talk about what it is that we talk about and how we got into those conversations in the first place.

So the first lecture was about the term “aca-fan,” and also discussions about ethics in fan studies. The second one was an overview of the cultural studies origins of fan studies…fan studies comes out of a number of different disciplines, English literature is heavily involved in fanfiction, my own background was media and cultural studies, so I kind of give an overview of how we ended up at the fan studies point. And then the last lecture was the origins of fan studies: when it began, who was involved, what were some of the key arguments, what took off and what has simmered longer. And so the next one I’m talking about how we talk about fanfiction in fan studies.

ELM: So when you say lectures, do you record them in videos, or…?

LM: I record them in audio, which is why I have the new microphone. But I just couldn’t stomach video. No. I wasn’t ready for video yet. So. I post the text as a paid Patreon post and then I include spoken audio component as well. I figured, if you’ve got somebody who’s commuting and maybe they want to listen to it but they won’t have time to read it, that might be helpful, so.

FK: Well, it’s accessible!

LM: I actually also have one person currently who’s been translating the lectures into Dutch! Which has been incredible.

ELM: Fandom is so good.

LM: I know! Fandom is great.

ELM: Fandom is like “I like this, I’m translating it into the language that I speak!” Oh, so great.

LM: The only payment I could offer was full access to everything, but that was basically it! So I was really really grateful to her for taking this on.

ELM: That feels like it just comes from the spirit of fanworks translation, probably.

LM: Absolutely, absolutely. It’s been great, and I know…I have one other person who’s been interested in talking about…I mean, translating into French. But they are interested in doing it once the entire series is complete, which, fine by me. And of course translations are their own property to do with, if they wanna publish them as an e-book or something, more power to them. I don’t care! It’s such laborious work.

FK: That’s exciting too because I feel like even people who are relatively privileged, people who are, whatever, maybe in college and studying and trying to pursue this, often don’t have access because fan studies is so specialized. Unless you happen to be able to reach out to somebody and to really pursue it in that way…you can’t take an intro to fan studies course at every university! You can’t get there.

ELM: Can you in most universities?

FK: No, but at some.

LM: There are some that do it but not a lot.

ELM: You didn’t have fan studies at your college, Flourish.

FK: No but I taught it at MIT.

ELM: So that’s exciting.

FK: Yeah but I’m just saying it’s nice. Because I would have loved to have that and it wasn’t there and the only reason I knew about it even was because I had interacted with Henry Jenkins and otherwise I would have had no clue, and had no ability to have any…

ELM: I didn’t know this existed until less than five years ago, right?

FK: Yeah, yeah!

ELM: Amherst doesn’t have a media, there’s no media studies there. It’s a small fancy liberal arts college.

FK: [laughing] Yeah, there wasn’t media studies at my college either. I was a religion major.

ELM: It has a classics department! Don’t worry about it. So. I mean, to be fair there’s…it’s not that grim. It’s not like, not to drag Oxbridge. They must have other disciplines other than Classics and English.

LM: Sometimes not so much!

ELM: Yeah, it’s true though. We get these messages from college students who’ve heard of fan studies and I think, I imagine often, probably a lot like we were in college, into fandom, and if someone had told me I could study it I woulda been like WHAT? Maybe not. I was really committed to studying the British Empire. [FK laughs] Normal teen stuff! But you know, I just…I don’t know often what to tell them, and I know that you have a lot of feelings about this sort of amorphous field, and I’m wondering what you tell them or how you feel as an independent scholar in a world where that’s a tricky position.

LM: I have a lot of feelings.

ELM: You know, in an interdisciplinary field, too, an independent scholar in an interdisciplinary field.

FK: I would love to hear more about being an independent scholar and, exactly, your viewpoint on that, because I think it’s changed a lot since even just in the past ten years what the conversation around being in academia and studying…

LM: It’s really interesting. It’s kind of a moving target at any time, and so this is really just a snapshot of now. There are an increasing number of fan studies classes that are offered on US college campuses, and British as well I think to a somewhat lesser degree, but mainly because we just have so many colleges. And we have so many people who are interested in teaching about that. They may or may not be publishing in fan studies, but they are teaching about it in some really interesting ways. There are less opportunities for graduate study in fan studies, and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

But I should clarify: there’s, to my mind there’s a real difference between pursuing a PhD in fan studies as a discipline, as sort of the main thing, and pursuing say a master’s if you can. I know that DePaul University enables that, I know there’s an up and coming program at the University of Huddersfield in the UK, that also I believe is going to be a master’s program. I think there are opportunities for master’s students in fan studies, and particularly in promotion. You do see some consultants who are doing this, and that seems to be a slowly growing field, but there are places I think for people who know what to do with Twitter. And know how to interact with fans and who understand fans. And so to that extent, I think there is a place for that kind of study.

A PhD is a trickier proposition, in large part because there are no jobs. [laughing] To speak of. And there are particularly no jobs in fan studies, almost. There’s one out there right now, but that’s about it.

ELM: Don’t tell them about that! Don’t tell anyone else about that! [laughing]

LM: There are virtually no positions that give any indication that they’re interested in fan studies scholarship or teaching, and so that’s something that you have to kind of bring with you in addition to another field. In my case when I’ve applied for academic jobs it’s largely been East Asian media cultures, Japanese and Hong Kong film. The market fell out of that as well [laughing] so I just kinda quit doing it. But a PhD is just trickier and so you find that there are a lot of independent scholars coming out of PhD programs.

ELM: I feel like it’s often, I don’t know if Flourish has felt this way, I’m now ten years out of college and so in established humanities fields…this isn’t humanities obviously but it’s in a similar realm of unhireability. Oh, would you call it humanities? Or social sciences?

LM: What, fan studies?

ELM: Yeah.

LM: Fan studies actually is humanities, yeah. The sociological side of it also functions a bit differently. By and large people who are working in it under the title of fan studies are in the humanities.

ELM: Alright. I was thinking, you know, my college friends, they were like “I’ll do a PhD. English PhD, history PhD.” We even knew then, ten years ago, the hiring rate is something ridiculous like 4%, right?

LM: It’s absurd, yeah.

ELM: But of course, most people I knew were like “well, I’ll be one of them!” And you’re like wow, ok! And to be fair…

LM: Good to be you, right?

ELM: Actually, most people I know did actually get jobs, but they also went to a very fancy college and a very fancy university for a PhD so there’s a reason why they wound up at that, because they were in that pipeline. It wasn’t like they’d got that lucky break or whatever. You know what I mean? But even then, those are deep core established fields. Every university has a history department, you know? I feel like to add on this thing that tons of universities don’t even address in any way…

LM: Right. It gets really…yeah. It’s really demoralizing!

ELM: Sorry! This is not like, we did not bring you on here to make you feel bad about your job market.

LM: It’s the way things are. I’ve more or less made my peace with it. More or less. But I do think that in some ways I think fan studies and even media studies, which have been under attack at some institutions, I think that they’re sort of canaries in the coal mine in a way.

ELM: For what?

LM: For the general unhealthiness right now of in particular American higher education. I can’t speak to other places with as much knowledge. But particularly in the United States, adjuncting, working part time as an instructor, has just increased exponentially to the point where I think I’ve seen some estimates that more than 50% of teaching higher education teaching in the US is done by adjuncts. I don’t know if that’s true. But it is outrageous.

And I’ve done my time as an adjunct. Depending on the institution it can be a good experience or it can be a miserable experience, but what you don’t get is a guarantee of work going forward. You barely get a guarantee of work in a given semester. If a class doesn’t make enrollment then it’s out and you are the front line of people who are gonna get cut should classes not make enrollment. And that’s kind of the situation we’re in and yet we do still have a lot of PhD programs that haven’t yet woken up and figured out what’s going on and so it can be really frustrating if you’re at a discipline-wide conference and they have, say, job market workshops or whatever where they’re talking about how you can position yourself for the job market. It’s like, if you wanna position yourself for the job market, sit down in front of a slot machine, stick some money in, and press the little button, see what happens, because that’s as much chance as you have! It is luck of the draw.

And so right now I’m really reluctant to tell people “yes, you should definitely get a PhD in film, in fan studies,” because there are very very few jobs for people who are coming up.

ELM: It’s interesting because, I’m going back to this fictional asker who is in college and wants to know if they…

FK: Not totally fictional though! We get this amalgamation of many askers…

LM: Absolutely.

ELM: The ur-college student who enjoys fanfiction, it’s funny because I feel like, there have been some really great posts recently, like on Tumblr people will be like “hey actually your time in fandom has prepared you for the workforce in a way that you don’t even know, you’re really good at organizing, you’re really good at etc.” look at the translation thing! Your enthusiasm has actually led you to build these beautiful skills, and I sort of, while I think fan studies is really fascinating and I am in no position to talk about this because I also became a fandom journalist, so I could write about the thing I was into, I do think there’s an impulse to say “well I love fanfiction so much I should probably just go study it forever as an academic.” People do this with English all the time. “I love books so much I should be an English professor.” And I’m wondering if the real answer is “no, for reals, there are no jobs, so you need to find some way to parlay this into something else,” you know what I mean?

FK: It’s especially funny because there is an actual need for people who are capable of doing exactly what you were saying, Lori, taking a basic understanding of, I mean, not basic but a master’s degree level or less understanding of fan studies and experience in fandom and turning that into, “and now I will go run someone’s Twitter account and make sure they don’t screw up.” That has its own problems too, that work is underpaid…

LM: Absolutely, yeah.

FK: Community management work is the pink ghetto of modern internet culture, not that there’s not big issues with that. But I guess as a person who took that route, I see, I constantly have a hiring problem actually because I need to find more people like this. Fandom is a good place to find those people, of course, but if people haven’t prepared themselves in a variety of ways and don’t have all…you have 85% of the skills that’s needed to do this! Please! Come up with the other 15! I know you can do it! But people think they want to be an academic, so.

LM: That’s what I really do think, that there is value in undergraduate and master’s level courses in fan studies, in participatory culture, social media, whatever you want to focus on, for exactly that reason. And I do sort of hold that hope that as we have more and more productions that seem to be finessing social media in particular better, that other productions will have a look over there and in particular why and who’s doing that and how can we do that. That’s a pipe dream, maybe, but I hold out hope!

ELM: When I think about, Flourish, some of the work you do, where I sort of…it often seems like you kind of come in, cause you talk to people in Hollywood about their fans but somewhat, sometimes later in the game, like in more of a consulting way, right? And wouldn’t it be nice if that was part of the equation from the start? And maybe it is, in some places?

FK: Yeah I mean that’s been my entire…my entire, my company’s entire reason for trying to do a bunch, you know what I mean, that’s been a constant battle. How can we get paid to do consulting work and then either convince people to start planning this from the beginning, or getting in on an earlier stage. Of course it’s hard to convince anyone to pay you money to do something good like that at an early stage. I think that the thing is, this is also getting back to some of those complications and why people who aren’t, who don’t understand fandom get into it, because you’ve got a big studio and they’re hiring people in general to do social media, and then someone just gets assigned to a particular franchise and then they’re like…maybe they’re great at social media about K-pop! But they’re like, maybe they can’t translate that over into whatever this franchise is. So. I don’t know it’s all structural and all a mess but regardless I think everybody who works in that space would be better served with a better basis in some of this stuff, and I think that exactly what Lori’s saying about having those, having those classes, having access to those classes and access to those ideas is part of that.

LM: One of the things I think that would be important in those kinds of classes is something that some fan studies classes do and some don’t, to my knowledge, and I’m not sitting in these classes, but they require attention to what you might call…I don’t wanna say the dark side of fandom, but certainly the frictional side of fandom, because that’s where somebody who has that expertise can make the biggest difference.

ELM: So we’re probably at a good halfway point right now, do you wanna take a break and then we can talk about transcultural fandom for the second half?

LM: Sure!

ELM: Alright, perfect, let’s do it!

[Interstitial music]

FK: Alright, we’re back! Lori, I can’t wait to hear about your study of transcultural fandom because we got this ask about it when we were on Australian radio a couple weeks ago…

ELM: I love how you describe a question on Australian radio as an “ask.”

FK: It was totally like an ask! OK but it was, you know, when something shows up in your askbox and you’re like “oh, that’s a question that I don’t know how to approach!” And we both were like “uh…” on live Australian radio.

ELM: Yeah, you’d ignore it but we were on Australian radio so…

FK: We couldn’t do it, we were live. So now we have you. Here. We invoked you even!

ELM: So to clarify what his question was, because I think it uncovers a lot of what you could speak to, was he said that he grew up in Pakistan and that he was…I think he said he was a comic book guy?

FK: Yeah, he was a comic book person!

ELM: He was asking a vague, I wasn’t sure what the question was exactly but it was a vague question, isn’t it great that you could be from Pakistan and you could be a fan of Western comic books or whatever, right. And I completely froze and I was like “I don’t know how to answer this question,” cause yes but also cultural hegemony! And also it doesn’t go in all directions! And it’s not like we’re one big global happy family because there’s a lot of cultural appropriation! And white people in America making bad assumptions about media!

FK: I did find it a little funny that this was on Australian radio and I feel like if I were Australian I might have some opinions about American cultural products, you know? I don’t know, but maybe I wouldn’t I guess. I don’t know.

ELM: So that’s the starting point for us being total dunces about transcultural fandom, so go ahead, explain.

FK: Drop some knowledge!

LM: OK I’ll explain it all! Well, what I was saying before the break about the, not dark side of fandom, but the need to talk about what I’ve been calling the politics of transcultural fandom. That really is the crux of all of this, and one of the reasons that I like to decouple it from darker or anti or whatever, well, anti fandom is its own things. But any kind of darker side is that it’s endemic to any kind of transcultural interaction and usually if I say “transcultural” people tend to hear it as “transnational,” and it can be, but it isn’t necessarily. We have cultures of gender, we have cultures of race, we have cultures of sexuality, all these things, we have fan cultures and producer cultures and we’ve seen what happens when they mix badly. We all have, as fans often times we have intimate experience of fan culture and producer culture interactions going horribly wrong.

ELM: Should we discuss? Do you also still have a vendetta against Cumberbatch, my enemy?

FK: Oh my God.

LM: Oh, I don’t have a…you know, I haven’t paid attention to him? So I don’t know?

ELM: It’s…he’s still, yeah, me neither, me neither.

LM: Mine is more Martin Freeman frankly.

ELM: I just, I can’t.

LM: He really turned me off. But I’m thinking especially, I’m happy to drag in Moffat and sort of beat him a little.

FK: OK. As the official non-Sherlock person of this podcast, let’s get back to other kinds of transcultural fandom! [all laughing, talking]

ELM: I would like to devote the rest of this episode to debriefing about our experiences in Sherlock fandom.

FK: Oh my God.

LM: It was horrible, it really was.

ELM: That’s interesting though, sorry I derailed us, I will re-rail us, that’s not…[all laughing] So it’s funny because I actually feel like just even us asking you about our question from the radio host was, there was an underlying assumption for us that it was a transcultural question, but it’s true, we were shorthanding that to a transnational question.

LM: Well, there is overlap! I don’t want to sound like “transcultural” is completely different than “transnational” cause that’s not the case. There’s a lot of overlap, and oftentimes…generally speaking a transnational encounter will also be transcultural, not always, but that often happens. The same can’t be said for transcultural because it exceeds the national in so many different ways.

But it exceeds them, I think, in really predictable ways sometimes I have essays in three fan studies anthologies that have recently come out, and one of them is coming out this next month. One of them is the second edition of Fandom: Identities and Communities in a Mediated World, that’s edited by Cornel Sandvoss, C. Lee Harrington and Jonathan Gray. I have another in the Routledge Companion to Media Fandom, which was edited by Suzanne Scott and Melissa Click, and then the one that’s forthcoming is the Companion To Fandom and Fan Studies, which Paul Booth edited, and I also have an essay in there and all of those in one way or another are focused on transcultural fandom and its permutations.

ELM: Can you tell us, can you give us a specific example of the topics of one of those articles? I’m just curious.

LM: Yeah! The one that I did for the second edition of Fandom, I co-authored that with Bertha Chin, and the title is “Reimagining the Imagined Community: Online Fandoms in the Age of Global Convergence.” And what that one focused on, that one was really speaking…all of them speak to fan studies, arguably more than fandom, because I am trying to sort of make a disciplinary push further in the direction of a transcultural perspective on fandoms.

ELM: You’re such an academic. Can I just say? You’re like… “I like to write about the discipline, not about the…” [laughing] No, I love it, it’s so good, it’s one of my favorite things about academia!

LM: Well, cause I don’t really like talking about people that much! I like to talk about ideas instead because it’s safer.

ELM: I enjoy the history of history lectures that you have to have when you’re in a history class! So.

FK: Yeah but it’s also…it’s a really good point. Even outside of the academic sphere, there’s so much of a focus on…there’s very little focus on transcultural or transnational thinking about fandom. Even when, I mean, for a variety of reasons some of which is that it’s hard to research transculturally or transnationally and some of it having to do with even if you look at just what data can we get, well, it’s hard to get…like, if you’re doing a numerical look at social media talk or whatever you can’t get stuff out of Europe so fine! The United States lets us have everything, let’s just do that.

LM: It just doesn’t exist, yeah.

FK: Obviously it’s a complex thing but I think it’s incredibly valuable and it’s cool that you’re pushing for it.

LM: Thank you, I think so too! So just to give you kind of an idea of what that one essay was about, the term “imagined communities” was popularized by Benedict Anderson in 1991. Actually, the late 80s as well, but then he revised. And the book that he wrote that is titled “Imagined Communities” has a subtitle, oh, I can’t remember word for word, basically it’s “On the Origin of Nationalism.” Which I think is really significant, and which is something I brought into this discussion.

When we say, historically when we’ve used the term “imagined communities” in fan studies, we’ve used it as a way of talking about how particularly online people from all over the world, from all kinds of backgrounds, come together in an imagined community of shared love of something. A show or something. And that is the imagined community, which is fine, tha'ts not not what he was talking about, but the nationalism thing is really important because one of the things that he argued was that the communities that we imagine are generally speaking defined by who we exclude, what we value over what we don’t, what shared assumptions we have which presumes that there are assumptions that may not be shared by all communities, and so this was sort of the gist of that argument was that we need to be paying more attention when we look at fandoms but also within fan studies itself about how these communities are imagined, and what they leave out as much as what they include.

And that’s the kind of argument that I keep making in dfiferent ways over and over and over, that it actually started in a meta-post on Tumblr, where I was playing with this idea, I have a friend who wrote a book and she used the term “contact zones” a lot. And I had never heard it before, like oh, you know, and then I completely forgot about it, and then one day I was thinking about strife in a given fandom that I was participating in.

ELM: Strife!

LM: Strife, yeah! Which never happens in fandom except that one. Never.

ELM: It’s a real anomaly. [all laughing]

LM: And it really resonated. The woman who popularized that term, Mary Louise Pratt, described it as basically a space where people converge oftentimes in asymmetrical power relations and they clash, they fight, they negotiate, it’s a space of necessarily…not necessarily turmoil, but certainly the intersection and, yeah. Clash, of different cultures. Which to me is what a fandom looks like a lot of times, you have all these people, especially as we’ve moved from the more contained communities of places like LiveJournal to Tumblr and Twitter which are much more porous and unstructured, largely unhierarchical in an organizational sense.

I just really like this idea of contact zones! So I write a meta post about contact zones and it gets some traction and I’ve just been running with that ever since and so my interest really now is just what happens in the contact zone? And particularly in terms of transcultural clashes. Or intersections.

FK: So you mean like what happens when you have people with very different backgrounds, different expectations, maybe coming from different internet communities…

LM: And experiences, yeah.

FK: Even before we go to the question of nationalism, or race or anything like that, and interacting with each other.

LM: Right.

FK: That’s amazing. I feel like Twitter sort of is almost ground zero for that, and a lot of things that have happened on Twitter both in fandom and outside have to do a lot with the different online culture spaces.

ELM: That’s funny. To me Tumblr is the prime space I see this.

LM: They’re both, I think…

FK: In different ways maybe.

LM: In somewhat different ways, not very, yeah, they do it sort of differently. But they’re both to me really great examples of these kinds of contact zones that happen rather than that are organized. You know. People kind of… it’s…I was talking about Tumblr with Matt Hills when I first met him, several years ago…

ELM: Matt Hills is a well known fan studies scholar, for anyone who doesn’t know.

LM: He is. He’s one of the big two that gets cited.

FK: It’s notable that he is the person who, when we get mansplained to about fandom, is the person that we are always told to go read. [LM laughing] Because I guess we talk about Henry more on this podcast and so there’s this thing that we don’t know that he exists? It’s great. Hey mansplainers listening to this, you can stop, we know who Matt Hills is!

LM: Ohhh that’s great. He’s a really lovely guy.

ELM: It’s not his fault!

FK: It’s not him! He didn’t ask for this!

LM: He’s also hugely prolific, so you know, good luck reading everything. He was asking about how does Tumblr work because he was doing some preliminary research in that area, and at the time I was always on Tumblr so I said, well, you know, it’s kind of like this, I explained, and he was like “OH, it’s rhizomatic!” I was like “yeah!” I didn’t know what a rhizome was. So apparently a rhizome, for other people who don’t know [laughing], rather than sort of a top to bottom hierarchy of interactions…

Imagine a community on Livejournal. You can close it if you want to to outsiders, and give permission to people to participate, you usually have one person that owns the community, you may have more than one moderator, but it’s structured in that way.

ELM: You make a post and you comment beneath it.

LM: You make a post in a hierarchical structure and on Tumblr, as many of you know, it’s pretty much just I show up, I interact with some people, they may interact with me, I post something, it goes completely left field and I didn’t even intend that but now I’m in trouble…it’s these kinds of points of interaction, these nodes of interaction from which other things kind of spread, that’s more a rhizomatic structure.

Actually if you do, I think they’re still doing it on Tumblr, if you look at the little visualization of a post to see where it went, that’s a rhizome. It’s basically…

ELM: Let’s dig up one of these posts.

LM: They’re great! And see, like, especially if you wrote the post and it went totally someplace you never intended it to go, seeing where that happened is really interesting.

ELM: I think that anyone who’s written a text post that makes a statement, not like you know, just a quote from something, that’s gotten more than I don’t know, a hundred reblogs… You watch it and you’re like “what happened?” Right?

LM: And it’s so interesting, right?

FK: And you’re totally right that that’s the moment in which you realize how quickly the things you said in a certain context have now gone into a different context and you’re like “woah, I don’t even…you clearly have none of the same referents I do, and you’re taking it in a way that’s completely different, is that wrong, is that right, I don’t know, but I know that’s not what I intended so now what happens oh god.”

LM: And that’s a really good way to imagine this contact zone. Because those nodes of contact where people interact with your post, and then take it someplace else, or whatever, or fight back against it, you know. That’s the kind of clashing that Pratt is talking about.

ELM: This is interesting too because the one that I always get hung up on, not to make you talk about shipping again, but the thing I always get hung up on is in shipping culture in particular sometime I feel like these points of contact are happening without people even knowing. When I say “ship” and when other people say “ship” we mean two different things, and obviously I know that “ship” means a lot of things, cause I have to mansplain shipping to people all the time—sorry, fansplain shipping. [all laugh] That’s one thing I find fascinating about Tumblr in particular. We can be looking at the same image, and have a completely different interpretation, and I’ll never know. It’s not like they reblog it and they say the opposite thing from I was thinking. They’ll reblog it thinking we are in agreement, and neither of us would ever think the other person…which is fascinating to me having been in a fandom where you never know if someone’s gonna wind up on a different side of an ideological divide, and you’re trying to read between the lines: is this someone I can’t… you know what I mean?

FK: Isn’t that also especially because of visual language? One thing I’m thinking about is I have a lot of friends who live in Oregon and who are pagan and one of the big issues in Oregon if you are pagan is that you have maybe a tattoo that is something that is a Norse pagan thing and now you’re playing the “is this person a white supremacist or a super hyper liberal pagan hippie?” And there’s no way to tell from the outside! It also could be both.

ELM: Oh Oregon no it probably is both. [laughter] Sorry.

FK: None of my friends are neonazis! I will say this! None of my pagan friends in Oregon are neonazis! But you know what I mean? They’re like oh my God! And isn’t that part of it, the visual culture?

LM: Yeah, the visual aspect of it is 100%… oh, I don’t know. A lot. And I actually have two examples that kind of illustrate what you’re talking about. One I saw years ago, it was a fairly well-known fan artist in a number of different fandoms who had posted a very shippy picture, usual white guy ship, and it was a commission and they had said “here’s the shameful commission.”

Now what she was talking about, which became clear in the fullness of time, was that she had never really done a shippy picture before and she didn’t know if she was doing it right. That was the shame.

ELM: I remember that!

LM: That was the shame she was talking about. But you know, shameful in Anglo-American English language online fandom comes with its own sort of baggage that people just jumped on. And it wasn’t until the artist said that she wasn’t a native English speaker and that this was what she intended that that died off. But there for a hot second, everyone was coming down on this because of a cultural assumption on the one hand…well, just a cultural assumption that everybody who was participating in English language online fandom on Tumblr has a common understanding of what words like “shameful” mean in fandom when that was patently not the case.

A more recent one happened a few weeks ago in a fandom I’m involved in now. Guess. [laughter] Which is also very transnational fandom, where an artist from East Asia posted a drawing of one of the main characters in the fandom in a Nazi uniform. Now, she had written underneath “I don’t mean any, I’m just doing this artistically, I don’t mean anything political by it,” but she had A. written that in her own language and B. it doesn’t really matter if you’re coming at it from in particular a European perspective where you’re like, oh no. We don’t do this.

And eventually that, the artist took it down, took the post down from Twitter, but again, it was…it sounds like “ooh these are really scary,” but in fact these kinds of clashes are endemic to fandom. That is what happens in fandom, it is a condition of fandom almost and especially now that we’re so much more in close contact both in terms of space, we’re all sharing these online spaces, and time, where if you…you know how it goes, if you post something inflammatory before bed and you go to bed, in the morning you’re overwhelmed by anger and all kinds of things. That’s how fast it happens.

ELM: Don’t post before you go to bed!

LM: Never.

FK: [laughing] Sometimes you don’t know that’s going to be and then you wake up and… [all talking over each other] It’s like your pizza box is your pillow, but everything is still on fire.

LM: The main reason I’m interested in this is because when I became a fan, and I harp on about this everywhere so if your listeners have heard this before I’m sorry, but when I became a fan I was 11 years old, I was living in Hong Kong, which was a British colony then, saw a lot of British TV, and I saw Star Wars, the original one, for the first time, 1977, which is how old I am.

At that time, watching an American movie in East Asia where there were very few, you know, I wanted magazines, right? I wanted to see pictures, I wanted to cut them out and put them in scrapbooks, which I did. But trying to get American magazines to do that was next to impossible, and they were outrageously overpriced when you did find them. But what they did have was a bunch of Japanese movie magazines and I couldn’t read it but the pictures were on the cover and if you open it up…right? So I’m an American fan of an American movie in Hong Kong collecting Japanese magazines to read. And because it requires a material experience of being in one place and having access materially to these objects, I had the time to kind of learn about the different cultures that were sort of involved in that experience of being a fan there.

And that’s a time that people do not have now. You see the same things happening, but with no time to learn and so these conflicts just kind of erupt. And so I’m interested in understanding, and I think we should all be interested in understanding, the nature of the conflicts and also what people do…I’m not interested in whether or not something is good or bad or whatever, what I’m interested in is what happens when something erupts. And that’s kind of where some of this other publishing has gone.

ELM: You as an academic, as an observer, obviously you’re not sitting there trying to fix this. I wonder, though, if other people can and should?

LM: Yeah, well, what I’m trying…so there’s one more argument and this one also is kind of theoretical, but what I’m trying to do right now really is look at how, not just how things fall apart, but how people sort of negotiate those kinds of things and come out on the other side. So what I’m working on right now is a way of understanding not just what happens and not just the conflicts but how people sort of approach those conflicts. How they come out on the other side. And so this is an essay that I wrote for, expanded on in an essay I wrote for Paul Booth for his book. It’s called “Ontological Security and the Politics of Transcultural Fandom,” and in that one I put Pratt’s notion of contact zones together with the sociologist Anthony Giddens’s notion of ontological security, kind of putting them together and seeing what happens.

So Rebecca Williams in the UK has been working a lot on ontological security and she has a book called Post-Object Fandom that I highly recommend, I think it’s a wonderful read and it’s such a fruitful notion. So what ontological security basically is is the things that you sort of incorporate into your every day life, they give you a sense of continuity, stability, of things are ongoing. And fandom we theorize is sort of one of those things.

ELM: Define “ontological” please!

LM: “Ontological” is basically the starting point, a foundational thing in a way. An origin point, a starting point. Something that’s at the base of something. So when you have ontological security, when you experience a sense of ontological security it means that everything in your world is pretty much as you expect. That nothing’s being challenged. That I know that if I wake up, and I go outside, my cars will be there, that there are stable things in your life. Both in terms of objects, but also in terms of expectations and experiences and that kind of thing.

So fandom is theorized to be one of those things that contributes to ontological security. I know that if I go to AO3 and I look up a certain pairing, if it’s a popular one in particular, I’m probably gonna find some fanfiction. That kind of thing.

FK: My show’s gonna come on, it’s gonna happen every week…

LM: My show’s gonna come on and it’s not going to upset me. And that’s actually a critical part.

FK: Or possibly it will upset me but in a predictable way that I enjoy. [laughing]

LM: That I enjoy, right. So in the contact zone of any kind of transcultural interaction, a lot of times what happens is that ontological security is destabilized. That the thing that you expected or assumed or whatever isn’t what you thought it was. Or is in some way or another destabilized.

FK: Right. So I thought I knew what the word “shameful” meant in fandom and it turns out I don’t know.

LM: Exactly, exactly.

FK: Or alternately it turns out this person has a different idea than I do and how do I deal with that.

LM: Exactly. So this essay that I wrote looks at three different case studies. One of them is from my dissertation, it was Japanese fans of the Hong Kong singer Aaron Kwok and their reactions to a concert where he came out in this lamé kimono kind of thing and they were like “oh my God.’ You know. Because he was trying to address them as Japanese fans, and they prior to seeing him on stage had a much more intimate relationship with him that transcended or exceeded any time of national orientation. So when he comes out in this gold lamé kabuki thing, they’re like WOAH. He’s separating them, where they had expected to be closer in a way.

Another one was looking at the relationship between a couple of television producers and creators and fans who shipped two of their main characters [Elizabeth quietly cracking up] and the different cultural backgrounds they were coming from. And the last one was three of my fandom friends, who are also black women, agreed to be interviewed for this one, and I was talking about their experiences in normative fandom, which is generally white, sometimes middle class, white is the big one, oftentimes heterosexual, you know, this kind of thing. But white.

And all of them kind of grouped under the aegis of destabilized ontological position, and if you look at these you can kind of see these generalizable reactions. What you often get, and this happened in terms of Racefail, as well. What you often get is a range of about four or five responses to that destabilization, and particularly on the part of the people who are in power, who don’t want to see it.

So you get either "la la la la la I can’t hear you,” just ignoring the problem, you get people who are like “fine I’m out of here,” and they just divorce themselves from the issue, divorce themselves from the fandom, you get people who are try to rationalize why that happened, you know, “oh I didn’t understand that you didn’t understand this word,” it doesn’t make the jumping on this woman about saying "shameful” any less sort of awful, but that’s the excuse for it, “oh I didn’t understand.” You get people who want to fight about it and say “well no you’re wrong and let me tell you why, you shouldn’t have used that word,” people who kind of stick to your guns. And then you get people who, and this is the group I’m really interested in, you get people who say “huh, I hadn’t thought about it that way, let me regroup and see where I am now.” They basically take a step back and say “alright, I need to find out more about this,” and kind of challenge their own orientation towards the thing, their own assumptions, rather than coming from a defensive position. Does that make any sense?

FK: No, it makes perfect sense! I guess the key thing about the rationalization is that it rationalizes it and the end it results in is “and that was why it was correct to jump on you after all,” as opposed to “and that was why I jumped on you and I’m sorry I jumped on you, I feel like it was reasonable for me to do so under some senses but it was still wrong, I thought it was reasonable but it was wrong…” there’s this line between rationalizing and thinking about it and being fair to all involved and that’s really interesting.

LM: So during the racefail thing, a LiveJournal user whose name I can barely say—dysprositos, I believe? D-y-s-p-r-o-s-i-t-o-s? Put out a bingo card with different responses to the criticisms that people were hearing. And this is where I think you can really see how generalizable these reactions are, in terms of rationalization you get people going like “I’m 1/16th Cherokee,” or “I have friends,” or “relatives who are people of color,” or “I don’t see race and we shouldn’t keep bringing it up,” or “well I once dated somebody who was a person of color so back off” kind of thing.

You get people who want to argue or criticize the critique, so “you’re just looking for things to be offended by,” or “you’re racebaiting,” or “this diminishes real racism,” it’s all real racism, right! “Talking about racism and race is impolite,” “you should tone your language down a little,” that kind of thing, and then you get people who just withdraw altogether, “you’re harshing my squee,” you know, “that’s not what fandom is.”

And one of the things I was saying here was that for the fans that I interviewed at least, that’s entirely what fandom is, where normative fans have the luxury of sort of sometimes falling into these contact zones, for the women that I interviewed it seems like this experience of ontological destabilization was part and parcel of the fandom experience in normative fandom. That they can’t get out of it, because it’s always there, it’s always a shoe waiting to drop, you know, and something that’s kind of analogous although not nearly as politically charged or important is when, you know, you’re watching a TV show and you have a ship and you think “ah, this is gonna come to fruition, this is gonna happen,” and…

ELM: You think that?

LM: Sometimes people clearly seem to!

ELM: That was so cynical! [laughing]

LM: But if you watch something like that and you’re like “oh this is totally gonna happen,” and you believe it, and then the creator or somebody comes out and says “never gonna happen!” It’s a very different kind of…

ELM: Or laughs about it.

LM: Or laughs about it, or otherwise. It’s less that thing actually than sort of fangirl ridicule, I think, is probably more analogous in a lesser extent. You’re like “I love this show, I love this creator,” this is one of my fears in my own fandom! I have a very, to-date, fan friendly creator who has been lovely to this point but the possibility of having that destabilized is always there. And I worry every time they say “the show’s coming back,” there’s part of me that’s like “yay!” but there’s part of me that’s like “oh God there’s more opportunity to hurt me!” You know?

ELM: When I was in this Schrodinger’s queerbaiting space, Schrodinger’s ship right now.

LM: Or they could just say the one thing that undoes everything good that they did.

FK: Yeah. Welcome to my life with The X-files. I’m sorry. [wail-laughing]

LM: Oh my God exactly don’t even get me started.

FK: This is interesting because it puts, what I find really interesting and valuable about this and I’m so excited to read this article that you’ve written now, it puts things that are very politically charged to me in a context where it’s like, okay, this is one thing that happens and it’s really important when it happens in this context, whether it’s race or class or cultural, but it’s not unique to those experiences. These patterns and the ways people think about it, it’s a larger way that we deal with our world being disrupted.

LM: Right, exactly.

FK: I find that really really helpful in terms of thinking about those arguments and understanding. Maybe it’ll be helpful in understanding my own reactions when I find myself [laughing] slipping into rationalization or anger as I’m sure I do.

LM: My fear about this one creator just doing something…even though I don’t expect it, the fear is palpable, you know? This is such a silly thing to get worked up about, but it means something to me that to date they have been this person and if that was taken away, what else falls with it? You know? That’s…I think it’s a more in some ways I think it helps to illuminate the real stresses that people who are outside of normative fan culture experience within it, but also I think it takes a little of the sort of intentionality of certain transcultural interactions. Not all of them, obviously, there are some really vicious people out there, but when people kind of inadvertently sort of clash I think it helps to at least understand where they’re coming from, whether or not you agree with how they responded to it, so that looking at the people who didn’t realize that the one artist was not a native speaker of English I’m a little more sympathetic to them, at least as a researcher, for knowing that they didn’t know that.

But I can also recognize that that was an assumption that they needed to deal with, not the person who made the post, and that’s…what did the people do who did the thing that I think is egregious? What did people do when that happens? How do they respond on both sides of it? But especially when you think about it in terms of these kinds of unequal power relations within a fandom. That’s what I’m interested in because this is… Giddens theorized this as part of talking about politics and especially global interactions in a shrinking world, and it’s very much relevant to issues of, you know, tribalism and people kind of retreating to “Make America Great Again.” Whose America? What America? It’s the same kind of thing and that’s one response that I think is particularly unhelpful, but we do have some people who are like “OK, these people say that this guy is a problem, so maybe I will learn a little bit more about that,” or whatever.

It’s the reaction, what happens next, that I think is at the crux of transcultural fan studies and that I think is so important to get in.

ELM: That’s really interesting. OK. So I’m a dumbass because I have yet to pledge to your Patreon course and…I just haven’t gotten around to it!

LM: It’s OK, I’m very late!

ELM: I just want to hear you talk about this stuff all the time, please! This is fascinating. Thank you so much for coming on.

LM: Thank you for having me! I never get to talk about this stuff [laughing] except in writing and then I’m lucky if somebody reads it, so it’s really great to be able to actually talk about it!

ELM: Yeah, I would say, I don’t know how you feel, I don’t wanna put you on the spot but if anyone has questions can they ask them and we can pass them along?

LM: Sure! I’d be happy to look at them.

ELM: Obviously they can reach out to you directly, but…

LM: Yeah, I’m on Twitter, I’m @acafanmom, one word.

FK: Well thank you so much for coming on. This is great.

LM: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, it’s been really fun talking with you.

[Interstitial music]

FK: It is always a delight to have Lori on this podcast.

ELM: Yeah, well, I didn’t actually realize I was making a mistake with conflating transcultural and transnational.

FK: That was a really good corrective to both of us I think cause I was doing the same thing.

ELM: Despite having read her work. I don’t…it’s fine.

FK: Well…

ELM: Don’t worry about me.

FK: I definitely feel like I could use a more intentional brushup on the current state of fan studies! I feel like there’s a lot of stuff that I just haven’t had time to read so this was a great reminder that there’s lots of cool stuff happening and coming out!

ELM: Yeah actually I don’t know if our listeners have seen this on Henry Jenkins’ blog, you know the series that he’s doing right now?

FK: Oh, yeah! It’s so good!

ELM: Yeah, a lot of content! But so he’s basically having two scholars per installment interview each other, sort of, they’re sort of in dialogue?

FK: Yeah, it’s great! And it’s this very long format sort of back and forth kind of interview thing that’s delightful.

ELM: So definitely check it out on his blog. We can put the link in the show notes but I think everything I’ve read so far has been really interesting. There’s just a ton of conversations and also I know he’s trying to highlight newer and more emerging voices. It’s kind of, I definitely feel like from the perspective of someone who’s sort of…I don’t think I’m a total outsider, I think I know more about fan studies than your average person, but I think from the perspective of an outsider certain voices get privileged repeatedly and certain texts that are older get privileged repeatedly.

FK: Right, because they’re taught in the few classrooms there are - they get taught and retaught and so on. So it’s pretty hard to…

ELM: I think that’s a little too generous. I think a lot of journalists do some really basic googling.

FK: Well, that’s true too. [laughing]

ELM: They’ll pull out the same book from 2005 or whatever and the same basic definitions and they’re good foundational definitions, but it really…it’s a shame to me that there isn’t more exposure in the mainstream outside of that media for a lot of the voices that are coming here.

FK: I agree. State of the world. But we can help change that state by being more up on these things! So let’s do it.

ELM: We’re trying, we’re trying! And, speaking of fan studies, just as a note, I will be going to the Fan Studies Network conference. [Flourish ooooos] In Wales! My beloved Wales! In June! So we’ll do some, we’ll report from there.

FK: We’ll do some #content around it.

ELM: Very excited. Just because it’s Wales. Fan tourism!

FK: [laughing] OK OK. Next thing up, we have a new tiny zine coming out soon!

ELM: We do! You’re gonna wanna pledge for this, because we have the greatest content that this podcast has ever created.

FK: Yeah. It’s pretty astonishing and I don’t think that we can oversell it. I think that we’re, I think there’s nothing we can say that’s gonna be strong enough. I literally howled, Elizabeth commissioned this piece of work and showed it to me, and I started screaming with laughter. So if you wanna find out what it is, you’ll need to pledge… [laughing]

ELM: It’s written by earlgreytea68 who is a very well known fanfiction writer, and the ship, it’s a double drabble and you wanna say the ship?

FK: [laughing] IT’S A KLINKEL FIC!!!! [all laughing] OK so you clearly want to read this. It’s amazing. So.

ELM: It’s really good and I’m really glad that this is where our drink led to the other day. So we got that and some other great stuff, that’s $10 a month on Patreon, Patreon.com/fansplaining. If you were thinking about bumping up your pledge, or pledging for the first time, if you get it in within the next week or so then you can take part in this round.

FK: Indeed! OK. Other things you can do if you don’t have the cash or inclination to give us money to support the podcast you can also review us on iTunes, which helps us find a larger audience and is incredibly helpful. We believe we deserve 5 stars, you can give us however many stars you think we deserve.

ELM: [quickly, quietly] Five stars.

FK: Sniff sniff [both laugh] You can also send in responses to any of our episodes, even if it’s an old one that you’re just listening to for the first time, we love all listener mail, that can go to [email protected], or you can send it to our Twitter handle if it’s very short @fansplaining, or if it’s kinda longer you can send us an ask although Tumblr sometimes eats asks, the box is open and anon is on, that’s just fansplaining.com or fansplaining.tumblr.com. We also have a Facebook page if you should feel like you still need to be on Facebook.

ELM: Look Flourish, do you really wanna go down this rabbit hole?

FK: Anyway, movin’ on, I think that’s it!

ELM: [laughs] That is it! OK, bye!

FK: Bye!

[Outro music, thank yous and disclaimers]

#fansplaining #Lori Morimoto #transcultural fandom #fan culture #fan studies