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partycatty · 4 months

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i was sent an incredibly delicious prompt to use, and i just can't resist it omg. requester wanted to be anonymous, but just know i appreciate u! i won't lie, i ran into so many blocks trying to get this out. writing is hard :( i ended up taking a couple creative liberties anon i hope that's okay

bi-han > new tricks

johnny cage's girlfriend catches him cheating, so she tries to get back at him using bi-han. it's all fun and games, until something new starts to blossom.

warnings: u get cheated on, THIS IS NSFW, author struggles to write johnny in a bad light bc of their favoritism /j, accidental bottom bi-han

notes: i'm rubbing my hands together like a little fly rn, also bi-han's betrayal doesn't happen in this case, also also yes i made a gif of johnny getting his shit rocked for this fic thumbnail

masterlist <3

PART 2 !!!!

•you and johnny got together following the end of the storyline's events. he charmed you to holy hell and back with those dumb sunglasses and pickup lines at the academy. he was a sweetheart at first, love-bombing you endlessly until you accepted his thirtieth relationship proposal. deciding to stop dragging him along like a lost puppy, you finally said yes, and off you went to date a movie star!

•the change from being nobody to somebody was JARRING. suddenly, cameras were up your ass all the time, and you caught yourself staring out of your apartment window on multiple occasions to see people scurry away when they're spotted.

•even so, you can't lie. the parties that celebrities hold rival outworld's temptations. especially if johnny is hosting. despite downsizing from his mega mansion, his new home was still expansive enough to hold a large number of people. and boy did he take advantage of the space.

•everyone was a few drinks deep, you yourself were a little buzzed but with the intention of loosening up and socializing. johnny however, seems to have other intentions.

•johnny is canonically a recovering alcoholic. he'd indulge in a girly drink every now and then, maybe some whiskey on a really shitty day. but today, he must have combined the two flavors of vice and was now fitting his clothed dick into some random C-list actress's ass, grinding to the music. his sunglasses sloppily clung onto his nose and his face was flushed. drunk or not, he was dry humping some random broad at his own damn party, with you only a few feet away.

•you want to scream so bad, to tear her bleached blonde hair to the ground and beat her, and then johnny. but all you can do is stand there horrified, that is, until johnny looks up from his buried face in her neck and makes eye contact with you, eyes wide.

•"babe — goddamnit — babe!" johnny slurs out, holding your arms tight on his balcony. "it's not... fuck. it's just fun! it's a party! lighten up!"

•after a drunken back and forth, johnny eventually throws his hands in the air and tells you to fuck off because he can find better at that very party. although you heavily disagreed, the conversation abruptly ended when you slurred something back along the lines of "you want some other bitch? have 'em then!" officially ending your relationship and storming out of the party.

•the following few days were rough on your heart, and majority of the time your bed was occupied and loud sobs echoed across your walls. you could've had it all, dammit, and this dickhead just threw you away like nothing! he thinks he can just score any woman he wants, whenever he wants. even if he learned his lesson from cris, his playboy attitude runs in his veins. it's not something he's gonna shake easily, and you were a victim to his unchanging behavior.

•back to living with nothing, you decided to retreat to the one place you knew you were wanted; the lin kuei compound. bi-han, kuai liang and tomas respected your strength when it came to fighting against evil and welcomed you like their own.

•after about three days of living on the lin kuei's land, you check social media. you went ghost online after the breakup since the paparazzi and article rats were prowling the internet (and your home) for details about your breakup with the A-Lister. checking social media proved to be a stupid move, because almost instantly your feed was flooding with photos and videos of your ex-boyfriend partying on yachts and posing with models. he's really out here posting like he's not damaged in the slightest, but literally everyone and their mother can read the post a little deeper and see he's compensating for losing you. you were mature, well-spoken, and well respected, and he was still trying to get his shit together after everything that happened. you were just another crack in his shittily held together glass. and it was time to get back at him.

•it starts off innocently enough, you snap quick photos of the grandmaster when he's not looking, showing only his veiny arms and a hint of his blue uniform. you'd post it to your story to pretend to soft launch this new "boyfriend," linking a romantic song to the post and letting people run wild. this proved effective immediately, as you noticed that "UgotCAGEd" with the little verified mark would view your story almost the exact moment it'd go up. you knew that he knew exactly who was in the photo, and it just had to have been driving him up a wall. he even tried to combat this by posting more and more, each setting getting more lavish and sexy than the last. if anything, johnny was a chronic 1-upper. but you couldn't just post blurry pictures of bi-han forever. this needed to cut deep.

•and you were going to play this stupid game, because if he goes low, you go in the TRENCHES.

•"grandmaster sub-zero, i-i have a favor to ask you," you politely ask, bowing once before smiling up at bi-han. "i have a plan. a... ridiculous one. but it needs your help."

•"you want us to fake partnership?" bi-han asks you, trying to summarize your lengthy explanation. "go ask kuai liang. or tomas. they need something to do these days, with shang tsung imprisoned. i'm busy."

•"it can't be them, it has to be you," you respectfully protest, putting your hands in a prayer position to beg for his help. "johnny is... jealous of you. it would be most effective. and i'll be forever in your debt." bi-han's eyes momentarily widen at your insistence. your desperation for his help caught him a little off guard.

•it's true. johnny was jealous ever since he got his shit kicked in when they first met. they were never really huge fans of each other since then. standing in front of him now, it's easy to understand how bi-han was so superior. his emotions never took control, he was a powerful leader for his clan, and his furrowed brows and gravely voice rumbled inside of your chest... jesus, now that you're getting a good look, he's actually pretty hot. oh, no.

•"this is ridiculous," bi-han groans, trying to angle himself just right in the selfie. he stands behind you, hand wrapped around your neck as you try to angle the photo just right to where it only gives a tease of his face in the mirror's reflection. "how long does one photo take?"

•"it has to be perfect," you reply, eyes focused on your phone as you wiggle it in different directions to get the best possible view. "crouch down a little more, so more of your jawline shows."

•he leans down, and his breath fans across your neck and ear as he sighs in frustration. you can't deny the little tingle it made you feel inside. but hey, anyone would be nervous if a brick wall like bi-han was in breathing vicinity...

•you snap the photo, seemingly satisfied but now fighting a flustered expression. when you look it over, you realize no, this isn't enough. johnny would leak his own sex tape with a model to beat you at this stupid game, and while you weren't necessarily ready to start blowing the ninja, you knew you needed to get one step ahead.

•"can we take... one more?" you ask sheepishly, already trying to put into words what exactly you're going to ask from this expressionless man.

•"only if it's quick," he replies with a frown, crossing his arms.

•you take a deep breath, spinning to face him and nearly chest to chest from the tightness of the small bedroom you were given.

•pointing to your bed, bi-han almost instantly understands. his lips turn into a thin line as his cheeks are brushed with warmth, warmth that he tries to conceal from you with his hand as he rubs his face.

•he sits himself on the bed, propped up on his elbows with a knowing look in his eye. it's difficult to maintain eye contact as you crawl onto the edge of the bed, hesitant to do what you wanted. for a moment, you want to pull away and trash your entire plan. there's no way you were about to climb up and sit on a ninja grandmaster's lap as revenge against your movie star ex. how in the genuine hell did you end up in this situation??

•"come on, woman," bi-han grumbles, sitting up for a moment to abruptly wrap his hands around your hips and pulling you to sit atop his lap. you tense up, realizing you're now straddling him... and lowkey, he looks good under you. he also just manhandled you. hm. curious.

•you try to shift yourself to comfortably rest on his hips before seeming satisfied with the position. shakily, you reach up to snap a selfie, one that conceals his face but shows you sticking your tongue out and flipping the bird.

•and then you felt it.

•at first, it went unnoticed due to your nerves about the uncharacteristic closeness. but, once you settled to snap the photo, you realized that... bi-han was rock fucking hard underneath you. you weren't sure if you should acknowledge it, but regardless, it felt so perfectly sized against your clothed folds, and you make your interest unintentionally obvious when you let out a nervous whimper. bi-han's eyes remained trained onto yours with a hint of hunger in his low-lidded gaze. even though he wanted to initially hide the boner, it was now abundantly obvious and he felt a surge of confidence gauging your reaction. the hands that rested on your hips tightened, his cold fingers digging into your flesh.

•"you feel that?" he grumbles out, his body feeling suddenly incredibly hot against yours. you swallow and nod. as you do, his firm grip starts to rock your hips back and forth against his cock, the friction of the fabric dividing you two sending you wild already. "whose is bigger?"

•"...yours," you answer breathlessly, allowing yourself to be controlled by the cryomancer's hands. your confession was true, too. johnny's dick was long and lean, but bi-han's.... lord. it felt thick. even through layers of clothes it felt like it could tear you down the middle if he pounded hard enough. a new part of you wanted to find out.

•with a sudden haste, bi-han hikes up your skirt and top, holding the clothes bunched around your waist as he abruptly gives you even closer contact to his cock. you could feel it twitch and throb, and every part of you wanted to sink it into your throat to see how well it hugs your mouth's fleshy walls. his hands crawl underneath the bunched up clothes and settle on your hips, this time directly gripping the plush of them.

•a shiver shot down your spine, both with sudden arousal and the frosty trails on your body from his fingertips. even if he wouldn't admit it, he was just as excited as you were. he let out a low growl feeling your pussy leak through your panties and dampen his dick.

•"i hated the way he looked at you," he'd grumble, eyes fixated on the friction he was creating by manhandling your frame to grind against his. "wanted you all to myself — ngh —"

•you wanted so badly to stop and unpack that wild, sudden confession, but you were already fiending for his popsicle like a motherfucker. through your hazy vision, you see bi-han lock eyes with you, a devilish glint present. he reaches between the two of you and palms himself while you try to relieve the pressure on your clit using the back of his hand.

•finally fed up with the foreplay, bi-han pushes you off of him, making you elevate your body on your knees. he tugs his shirt up and his pants down. his member springs free from the tight constraints, and lord help us all, it's as long and thick as it felt through the pants.

•"you wish to get back at that pompous wannabe?" he asks, voice dangerously husky. "get to it then." obeying like a dog, you settle between his parted legs. still holding his dick, he slaps it against your cheek expectantly.

•the tension, the hunger, and the high emotions overtook your strength to remain proper in front of the grandmaster as you eagerly licked at the base of his shaft, trailing kisses all the way to the warm tip. once you feel properly sure of his size, you slowly but surely sink him into your mouth, barely able to get his dick deep enough without causing a strain on your jaw muscles. bi-han tries to keep his arousal under wraps, but when he feels you hollow out your cheeks to give him the greatest pleasure possible, he lets out a little whine of surprise, though it still sounds more animalistic due to his grumbly voice.

•you hold this position for a moment, letting your warmth completely encapsulate his freezing body. you were starting to see stars in the corner of your eyes before bi-han harshly pulls you up by your hair, making you sputter for breath. a thin trail of saliva follows your lips as he raises your head.

•"wait," he commands breathlessly, fumbling with his other hand to find your phone that was discarded onto the mattress. when he does find it, he struggles even more, mind blank from horniness and also his unfamiliarity with smart devices. you chuckle to yourself, climbing back up to his chest and weaving your way between his arms to show him how to record a video. when it's finally figured out, you crawl back down to where you were and grab his cock with a full hand, stroking it lazily. he winces.

•"sensitive already?" you ask in a low tone, giggling to yourself. bi-han didn't have much time to relieve his sexual desires, so it's no wonder that the slightest bit of head nearly sends this man flying to the moon. "i expected more from you, grandmaster—"

•"—shut the fuck up," he replies sternly, not finding your teasing all too funny. "i'll silence that whore mouth."

•woah

•and with that, he holds the phone up, angled downward at you as you angle your lips on his tip again. he grabs the fistful of your hair and sinks you down once more, this time holding you in place. you barely had time to get some air in before getting your throat thoroughly plugged. you put your hands on his thighs to ensure you'd stay upright, but always sure to look at the camera as you gag and drool.

•"that's more like it," he'll purr, pushing your hair from your face as he holds you still. he then directs his voice to the camera. "how about that, cage? taught your dog some new tricks. i'd say she's exceeding expectations."

•when he finally lets you breathe, you only get a couple gasps before willingly taking his cock again, this time bobbing rhythmically. bi-han, as a ninja, is incredibly good at staying silent, so all he can do is let out occasional exhales and sharp intakes of breath as you suck him off.

•you're sure to put on more of a show than usual for the video, looking into the camera with a sultry smile even with your lips stretched out to accommodate for his giant dick. you've got an expression that says "fuck you."

•when bi-han has enough of your pace, he starts to buck his hips into your throat, creating a nasty gargling sound in the back of your head that would be otherwise nauseating. you're surprised he's not ripping the hair straight from your scalp as he death grips a fistful. frosty hands grip the sheets, solidifying them with a thin sheet of ice as he nears the edge. his body can't decide between lurching forward and arching back as you make him cum.

•he's a silent orgasm-haver. bi-han bites down hard on his lower lip as he releases, clenching his eyes shut and knitting his brows together. and boy, does he love to ride the high of fucking your face. he loves it even more knowing he'll have an audience.

•he wanted to cum into your mouth so badly, but even he knew better. he had to make the money shot something memorable. cum painted your face beautifully, dripping down your cheeks and catching in your eyebrows. there was even a thick streak starting from your hairline. with no time to ever do this himself, his jizz accumulated within him for quite some time, now soaking your entire face.

•bi-han stops the video, but only to snap photos of your messied, flushed face. gripping your cheeks to hold you in place, he's sure to make sure every drop of cum is within camera shot as he catches his breath.

•you swipe a glob of his load from your forehead and stick your finger in your mouth, tasting his arousal for you with a smirk.

•"definitely sending that to him," you giggle as he tucks his dick back into his pants. "i'm in your debt, bi-han." normally, he would've protested the use of his first name from an associate of liu kang, but he was too high from his orgasm to really give a shit. instead, he grumbles a small "mhm," and nods, fighting a little smirk himself.

•he stands up and grabs a loose towel, holding up your face more sweetly this time as he wipes you clean. the gesture was oddly soothing. he seemed like a pump and dump kind of man, and he probably is! but you're touching a sweet spot he didn't know he even had. even so, he's silent, never once communicating this and instead expressing it through the minor gesture.

•a relationship doesn't quite blossom yet, but the sexual tension between you two is now incredibly obvious to the lin kuei. his gaze lingers, as does yours. the touches during training last a moment longer. your silly little plan of making johnny angry seemed to have blossomed a new... situationship? we'll unpack that some other time.

•the following morning, your phone rings. it's johnny.

•"DID YOU BLOW THE FUCKING ICE NINJA?!"

#mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #mk1 #bi han #bi han x reader #johnny cage smut #sub zero #sub zero x reader #bi han smut

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teaboot · 1 year

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Yo I haven't done it in forever so I forgot that working at a sex shop gives you superpowers

1. The We-Vibe Tango is a low frequency and fully waterproof rechargeable bullet vibrator that we used to sell for about $150. A new model came out about a year ago so it's on sale now online for $47. Can confirm that shipping is discreet and they have a really good warranty, just keep the packaging.

*(I'm not sponsored to say that and nobody is paying me rn, it's just a legit good deal.)

2. There are essentially three bases used for lube: Water, Oil, and Silicone. Oil breaks down any materials other than glass or metal, and Silicone breaks down Silicone toys and sometimes condoms. Water is safe for everything but tends to dry out, so people don't like it- but if you add water or spit, drying water-based lube will slick right back up.

3. If your water-based lube has given you any itching, tightening, or burning sensations, you probably have a chemical sensitivity. Obviously everyone has different preferences, but my number one recommendation is Water Slide- it's a super reasonable price compared to other lubes, it feels natural, it's incredibly gentle on the skin, and it doesn't stain sheets.

**(Again, I'm not being paid for this. By anyone. At all. I'm just sick of hearing people come in and tell me they don't use lube cause it hurts, or that they're using fucking coconut oil in their vagina. Please, God, don't put coconut oil in your vagina.)

4. A lot of massage oils use almond oil to suspend other ingredients, and warming products sometimes use cinnamon. Always, always, always check people's allergies.

5. You can buy toys off cheap sites if you want, just be wary of quality and ALWAYS read the product description. I personally wouldn't buy anything that isn't Silicone, stainless steel, or glass, because unlike jelly, plastic, "fantaflesh", and Silicon, (which is NOT Silicone!!!) They are non-porous, sterile, and don't melt in contact with each other. This means that as long as you clean them properly and don't use the wrong lubes, they will not hold bacteria or break down, which makes them safe for both you to reuse and your partner/s to share. (And to switch between front door/back door, so long as you wash before going back to front.)

6. Cotton and polyester bondage rope are cheap and great to practice with. Silk sounds fancy and is very strong but be advised that a lot of silk rope is "Silk(TM)", not actual silk. Read the product description. (I personally am reluctant to spend more than about $2 per foot for mass-produced synthetic rope, but could be persuaded to pay more for ACTUAL silk, nylon, handmade ropes, or especially attractive colors/patterns/textures.) You want your rope to be at least as thick as your thumb and layered to avoid lacerations, and taut (not stretchy) to be sure you're in control of how much pressure you're putting on.

7. Choking someone by pressing on the windpipe is painful and inefficient. If you want to, stay very, very light, as it's a very delicate area. If you want a head rush, press down on the sides of the windpipe, just below the corners of their lower jaw. You will feel a pulse there. That's the carotid artery. It carries oxygen to the brain. Pressing there will allow them to breathe, but will still "choke" the air going to their head. It's faster and painless. Only hold this for 3-4 seconds if you lack experience. It takes just under 15 seconds to make someone pass out from a blood choke, and after that you risk causing *permanent brain damage*. If your partner passes out, release pressure immediately and keep their airways clear. If you're the one being choked, know that your only warning will be spotty vision and a dizzy sensation. Communicate with your partner/s and for the love of God, do your research first. I'm not a doctor. Please God, please do your research.

8. Don't reduce blood flow to any part of the body for more than 20 minutes. This includes cock rings. Take a break for an hour between uses.

9. Most 'dick pills' are just a stimulant, a mild vasodilator, and a placebo. Usually mostly caffeine. They are not worth $20 apiece. Take a minute to meditate, have a hot shower, drink some black tea, have a coffee, go for a run, whatever- you'll get the same effect. And no, there is not a single ethical and legal sex shop in the country that can sell you viagra. You would have better luck on Facebook. Do not buy viagra on Facebook.

10. There are no "male toys" and "female toys". Your only limitations are safety and creativity. If youre sticking something into something else, just make sure everything is clean, not too big, not sharp or abrasive, and can be taken back out.

11. If something "goes missing" in your vagina and you panic, you muscles will tense up and it'll it'll harder to get back. Relax and stand up. Wait a minute. Chill. Calm down. Jump a couple times. There's nowhere for it to go and worst case scenario, I promise the emergency walk-in has seen something weirder or worse in the past hour or so.

12. You cannot return toys that you buy and don't like and I swear to God if you come into my store with an opened product and try to give it back I will lose my shit

13. Actually while I'm at it, people who work at sex shops are more often than not not sex workers and even if they were, it would still not be appropriate to flash or grope them or ask them "what they use", I will run you over in the fucking parking lot

#Sex education #Information #Body health #Not for work #Yes I will take questions please ask questions just let me know if u wanna be anon in the response

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channelinglament · 1 year

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Sksjdjjkskskskskksk

I know I should be focusing more on reqs, but I had to take this off my mind skskksskks (btw I'm rn in the underground belobog part of story) (I kinda called it SAHSR as in self aware hsr)

☆•°Self-Aware Honkai Star Rail°•☆

Tw: no proofread, mentioned drowning(but it didn't happen), war, hate, religious themes, self awareness, kinda ooc, grammar mistakes because I am typing this at 12AM instead of sleeping, isolation

So, you know how in the beginning we play as Kafka? Yeah, I'm pretty sure she felt your presence. At first she was kinda weirded out, and was on guard. Who knows what you would do to her, while controlling her?

Oh look, you're helping her.. Hmm, maybe you aren't that bad after all. Still on guard, but thankful. With you she seems to fight more faster and is more efficient.

Same goes with Silver Wolf. They don't seem to mind your presence that much.

You even helped them to pick a trailblazer! But after picking them, you left Kafka and Silver Wolf. They didn't really mind it. They have been doing good without you, so it should be fine!

Meanwhile, the trailblazer is confused. First, they don't remember anything except their own name(or the name you gave them), then Kafka leaves and someone is watching over them. Oh how confusing and strange. But they caught early on that you're helping them. You're not an enemy.

During their "adventures" trailblazer starts thinking of you as a family. Kinda annoying since you control their body most the time (unless it's a cutscene) but you're cool nonetheless. They see you as a safespace.

Meanwhile March 7th and Dan Heng don't understand what is happening. Who is controlling them? Why after they met trailblazer? Why are you controlling them?

I think March would, just like the trailblazer, like you and find you annoying at the same time. Dan Heng would stay on guard (but also see you as safe space/nice person to hang with). Not as much on guard as when you first...met but still. It'll take him time to get off guard. The more time you spend with them, the more familiar they are with you, the more they like you.

Why annoyed, you may ask? Well, imagine you want to.. for example fight, but someone controls your movement and does it instead of you. Or goes the other way (aka exploring) instead of the path you've originally chosen.

They certainly would like when you make them stronger. No matter who is on your team, they'll like it (I mean, who wouldn't?)

But.. sometimes, even if they like you, they get tired of always being on the team. Thank you, yes, but they need to rest too. They mostly rest when you're offline, since..time kinda stops there. But when you're online? damnnn they walk and fight so much.. (I fr walk everywhere to find enemies to fight, so uhh, if you're like me, they would be tired and maybe annoyed at it)

I think some characters would even hate you. It doesn't apply to the main trio btw, they'll always like you. The reason some may hate you is that they have so much stuff to do, yet you choose them to walk around and fight all day. They're even supposed to be here! (For example, using Herta when fighting someone in Belobog)

If they could, they would scold you. But sadly game doesn't allow that.

It only appears in normal, self aware circumstances. Aka a normal self aware. Some like you, some hate you. You just kinda exist. (That one strange friend/sibling, y'know?)

But what if they would see you as a God? Something divine? Like in SAGAU?

Well, you're doomed, what can I say?

Everyone would want to be in your team. Oh, poor Gacha system.

They would hate it tbh. While in just self aware some would avoid you on purpose (aka busy characters), here? Where everyone sees you as a divine being? Oh dear..

Imagine several people trying to come through a single door, all at the same time? Yeahhh that's what happens. The standard and limited banner would literally fist fight while trying to get "home" to you. So don't be surprised if nobody comes home, at all.

But some may cooperate, and you may get more 5☆ or 4☆! Basically characters you wanted.

Those on your team would be proud! Mostly if the main trio are still there. Some would be envious of trailblazer. You're always with them, even if they're not on your team.(how could you?!)

Kafka and Silverwofl would be devastated. I'm pretty sure Silverwolf could possibly destroy the gacha system and come home. Only her (and maybe Kafka)

People in Belobog would hate the lore and everything game makes them do what they do. They're so happy they met you! You're here to save them! They don't want to fight you, so please don't be mad at them.

Honestly, if you were to get isekai'ed into hsr, I would recommend to the normal au.

The ones who hate you would just tell you off and never interact again, while your family/friends would hang out with you. Plus you could help a lot in Astral Express!

Maybe get Himeko and Mr.Yang some tea? Or help Pom Pom with whatever he needs?

If you get into the Worshipping Lunatics au..? I feel sorry for you.. You would never rest-

Whether you choose to stay at Astrak Express, or Herta's *I forgot the name* or whatever, they are all ready to wage war against each other. And if you decided to stay somewhere, that means you clearly favor them and their place more! Those who were chosen are happy/smug. While other try to improve their place/copy the place you've chosen to make you reconsider and stay with them.

The amount of gifts.. try to not drown okay?

They might even all agree to keep you in one place. Lock you in there and hope you won't be mad at them.

That's all for now

(Gotta work on reqs now or in the morning, they're still open btw)

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drdemonprince · 1 month

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Your post about "transitioning to escape gender but then there's more gender" has been rotating furiously in my mind since I saw it. When I first realized I was trans at age 15, I identified as agender, but I knew I wanted to go on T and get top surgery so I decided it would be simpler to tell everyone I was a trans man and that just kind of became the truth. Now 10 years later I'm sorta starting to feel like I wanna actually be agender again, but the idea of an identity shift like that at my current age is terrifying and idek who I'd tell, or how I'd do it, and I don't think I wanna stop using he/him exclusively, and I have no idea why I'm telling *you* this other than that I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about it because it feels like somehow admitting that I was wrong about the gender I fought like hell to become, even though i don't really think that's the case I think my sense of self might just be continuously evolving... but I just wanna say you talking about having a gender shift like once every several years is helping me process this rn and feel like I'm not faking anything now AND wasn't faking anything before.

Dog i am right there with you. As a kid I always thought gender was bullshit, the coercive nature of it disgusted and scared me and I rebelled against it the best that I could. I loathed being assigned to any gender category, I never identified as a "girl", but I didn't really identify with any other category either. Puberty terrified me (and of course, it does most young people, but it felt like it would only more deeply entrench the category that I was assigned to in other people's minds, it made it more difficult to escape). I had trans friends as a teen but it did not occur to me to transition because there was really no end goal that I wanted to head toward, I just knew what I wanted to avoid and not experience. I coped mostly by degendering my body with a fairly androgynous style and way of presenting myself to the word and mannerisms, but also by starving myself which was not so great, and not sustainable. I considered transness for myself, even trying on a friend's binder and presenting masculinely at certain queer events, but it seemed to me at the time like just another way in which to obsess over gender, a foolish coercive socially constructed thing that i was trying to avoid.

In my 20s, I learned more about nonbinary people and figured that explained things pretty well. I was enamored with the transition journeys of some other trans people, largely trans women more than trans masculine ones (with some trans-effeminate faggot boy exceptions), but I still didn't want to take on all the expense and uncertainty and hassle of navigating the medical system for myself. I didn't think that the pursuit of being happy merited taking on so many risks or fiddling with myself so much. I saw it as an extravagance I didn't deserve, I guess, and I also couldn't locate a target outcome that seemed desirable enough for me. I was still dealing with an eating disorder and recovering from some trauma and didn't really think about my life in the long term. I guess I still don't, haha, whoops.

Eventually I came out as nonbinary, and nobody really gave a shit. There is a lot of useless, solidarity-breaking discourse that happens online about essentially who is "more" oppressed, binary trans people or nonbinary people, and a lot of that fight amounts to the two groups shouting about the ways in which they annoy one another without there being any cogent analysis of power and where oppression comes from (let alone how much those two categories overlap).

But I will say that being a they/them was far more difficult than being a trans guy socially and institutionally, because your identity is completely illegible to every system around you. "binary" trans people struggle under this too, but i have found there are some immense benefits to having a socially and institutionally legible target gender. nobody would fucking actually they/them me. not anyone. not even other trans people and queer people. there were no public gendered spaces for me. there were no spaces for me. there was no way to move through the medical system, professional life, and other public institutions as a nonbinary person. i was still just a cis woman in everyone's eyes. including the people who claimed to support me. and it was massively frustrating.

and so i think ultimately, i took my frustrations with not being at all able to escape coerced gendering as a nonbinary person and combined that with the affinity i do feel for queer men and the general sense of misery i was still experiencing in my life and decided what the hell, i'll round myself up to being a trans guy. i upped my T dose, i dressed more masculinely, i eventually got a super masculine hair cut that really squared off my jawline and got me gendered correctly, and i started more consciously inhabiting queer men's spaces.

and it was pretty dope. for a while. i felt the rush of having gotten away with something. when people effortlessly gendered as male i felt freed at last from the pressure to be a woman. i was no longer being coerced into being something that i was not. i had escaped the enforced category so much that people couldn't even see the history of that category being pushed onto me. there was relief.

but then. as always happens. people made little comments about my handshake being too weak for a man. the hypermasc dudes at the leather bar rolled their eyes at me and all the other effeminate dudes swanning around the bar. the people who picked me up off the apps or at the sauna would always let it slip, eventually, that they had a lot of experience with trans guys, or had most recently been dating all trans guys, and it would make me feel like a stock character to them, yet another category into which all kinds of assumptions had been projected. a type not a person. a few people said my haircut made me look like i was in the military or described me as actually masculine, which was equally jarring because it was so incorrect. people tried to affirm me by saying i was such a dude, i was such a man, i was such a fag, i was such a gay bro, pawing all over me leaving the mark of all their assumptions and oversimplifications behind. i had tried to run away from gender and there i was just BASTING all the time in everybody's goddamn assumptions about gender. trans people didn't talk about it any less than cis people did, they were just as fucking confining to be around.

it honestly feels really dirty. when people try to affirm your gender constantly and can't stop talking about it, when people look past you and see only your body, your history, or the role they have typecast you in, when people use your body as an outlet for their own gender or sexuality explorations, when they keep trying to measure every single facet of existence up into being masculine or being feminine or being toppy or bottomy or any other gendered type, it's claustrophobic.

as a trans man i tried playing this whole gender game and the second i started winning i began to feel even more disgusted with myself. it wasn't a victory or an escape, it was a capitulation. exploring with my identity and presentation has brought positive things into my life and my health has gotten better as a result, and i've made wonderful friends who, like me, are disaffected by this coercive gendering system. so i don't regret any of that. but trying to make myself legible under the existing gendered system was a fool's fucking errand. i wish i hadnt done it to myself and i wish i hadnt had it pushed onto me. to be clear, it was cissexist, binarist society that forced it onto me; even when other queer people coated me in their gendered assumptions that is obviously a byproduct of societal conditioning, and it's conditioning that ive reinforced in my own behavior and outlook toward others plenty of times too. we all do it, and we are all wronged by the existing coercive gender system.

i dont even care how i fucking identify anymore and i have no intention of changing pronouns again or anything, i'm so bored of it, i just actually want off this fucking thing. im not interested in trying to make others understand what i am anymore or in who i am even being simply categorizable, i dont want to obsess anymore over how i am perceived or to attempt engineer my appearance and mannerisms to broadcast an identity to anyone. i dont even want to fuck anybody right now at all because im so sick of how much that's a gender pantomime for people. i want off this fuckin ride man im so done.

it's kind of freeing, to hit this point of complete gender apathy, and i think it is a pretty common stage of identity development for a lot of queer people who have explored multiple identities and roles over time. there is no category that i actually am, or that anyone is, there are just the frameworks that society has given us to work with to understand ourselves, and the ways in which we flatten who we are to be able to make sense of the world using those frameworks. but who i actually am is so much more contextual and mutable than all that. i am a different person in the classroom than i am on the train platform than i am in the bedroom than i am cuddling on the couch than i am when i'm working out than i am when curled up on the floor crying than i am at a big furry convention. who i am continues to change as new people come in and out of my life and age and change and my body alters and as the weather turns. who fuckin knows man it's nothing and everything. i want to let it just be

160 notes · View notes

whyse7vn · 9 months

Text

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

422 notes · View notes

ms-demeanor · 5 months

Note

Heya, got a question about cybersecurity meetups. Do you think folks would be cool with a rando showing up because they're curious and like learning new stuff, especially for writing? And also because internet privacy is super important rn and there's no good books or written sources I can find on hacking, the dark web, etc; let alone digestible to somebody who knows what a directory is and how to use command line and not much more.

Also. I know it's gonna vary per location, so if you can't speak for all of 'em, I get it. Are these kinds of spaces like 2600 and Defcon queer friendly? Or I guess what I'm asking is are they notorious a place queer people should avoid. I'm non-binary and don't rly pass as remotely normal or straight, and I have nobody to go with me :|

Thank you!

Meetups that are publicly listed are very cool about randos showing up to learn new stuff and talk to weird people. Most meetups tend to be about 5 parts socializing and 1 part "tech activity" like a talk or a demo if they have a tech activity at all, so you're mostly just going to be meeting people and talking to them about themselves.

I will say, if you show up specifically saying "i'm a writer and i'm here to learn about stuff for writing" you're probably going to get some trolling - that's pretty common and a lot of meetups do have to deal with stuff like journalists periodically showing up to get the inside scoop about the scary hackers and that usually gets some fairly mean-spirited teasing directed at them.

So it's better to show up because you want to learn generally. People don't like being used as reference material during their socializing; they're there to hang out and talk to people with similar interests, so ask them about their interests. You can just say you're new to the scene and you heard about hacker meetups online and wanted to learn more.

If you want to do something to pregame and learn a bit about hacking ahead of time you may want to try hackthissite.org, check out 2600 magazine, or look on the DefCon forums to see what's going on in your local DC Groups. There are some good books about hacking; I like The Cuckoo's Egg and am asking anyone with good books or memoirs about hacking to chime in in the notes.

I will say, asking about the darkweb specifically might get you some eyerolls because it's something that sounds a lot scarier and more intimidating to most people than it actually is. You can get on the darkweb now. You can do it on your phone. Here's a very basic get-started guide. I don't think it's necessary to use a VPN to use Tor (most guides recommend it and then link to pages full of affiliate links for VPNs), and here's the Tor user manual to get started if you want to. Be careful, and if you're planning on doing anything that requires actual anonymity do a LOT more research before you follow the advice in any guide, but yeah pretty much everybody with an internet connection can get access to the darkweb in about twenty minutes. It's just websites that you need to use a slightly different set of tools to navigate to (granted, the content of the websites might be horrifying, so. Again. Be careful.)

Anyway moving on:

Defcon has had Queercon (a queer party for queer hackers) as a part of the con for at like twenty years and I know many queer and trans people who are part of the scene. And there are a lot of trans folks who I know who are volunteers at defcon and help to run hackerspaces and who volunteer and attend and run all manner of cons. I can't speak for your local group, but I've found that hackers in generally are more tolerant of a *lot* of things than the broader population is (they are weird people who engage in a hobby or who engage in work that is often technically criminal - they don't have a lot of room to judge and the more sensible ones among them know that).

HOWEVER I have personally had problems with defcon the conference specifically about harassment and infosec does lag behind other parts of the tech sector in participation from women. Defcon is working on it and i know their current head of conference security is very serious about ensuring that it's a welcoming space for people and that if people DO have problems at the con it is handled in a serious, sensitive way. (Legitimately, he's a good dude) I just. I don't go to defcon. There's more info in my pinned post. That conference is burned for me.

BUT there are a lot of other conferences, big and small, and there are a lot of local groups to look into. You'll have to get to know your local scene, but I'd bet that if one part of your local scene is unwelcoming that other parts are more open.

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finepotato · 2 months

Text

"𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.." (Rodrick Heffley x Camboy!Male Reader) #1

𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘶…

(None of the pictures are mine and I don't take credit for them.)

"See you all next week..", you wave at the camera and switch off the stream. You sigh and change into more comfortable clothes. You lay on your bed, scrolling through your phone.

You had transfered to Crossland high school. And within a few weeks, you had instantly become quite popular,partly because of your flirtatious persona. With your cute face and feminine body, you were the perfect pretty boy at school. You stayed at a dorm for students. You were a clean and tidy person and managed things on your own. But rent along with groceries was not exactly cheap. So, you decided to do the most sensible thing; become a camboy.

It wasn't difficult either. Your face card was enough to bring in viewers fast. You were a bit nervous during the first stream but within the next few weeks, you became much more confident and a favourite too. With generous donations rolling in every stream, you were practically rolling in dough. It had been 3 months since you started. Nobody except your bestfriend, Carl, knew about it. And you planned to keep it that way.

It was Sunday and time for your stream. You did stream twice a week at 9pm. You switch on the website and see many people already waiting. Your set-up was nice. Light purple light flooded the room and the decoration was minimal. You adjust the camera and start streaming.

Axlace has started the stream.

"Hey, guess who's back..." You smile with a wave. "How was your day today?" You ask. Comments roll in as you read some of them.

girlyapa: It was kinda stressful today...

luckyduck567: Good. Also you look really cute today..

mr_mister: Just wanna let off some steam with you rn...

You smile. "Tiring day? I understand...it does become tough but you've just gotta keep going, right?", you speak thoughtfully. "Anyways, I got a new toy today.." You pull out a black prostate vibrator. "I found it online...you like it?" You ask.

yourgoodboi7: It's perfect...

calebrb: It's my fav color too :)

"I like it too..." You speak. You take off your shirt, the cold air hitting your lean and slightly toned body. You slide off your pants. Donations roll in as you rub yourself through your boxers. "So....any ideas?" The viewers go crazy. Some suggest you suck on it while some say you should put it in. You lick the vibrator before taking some of it in.

itsnotme27: Could you stroke yourself a bit?

"You want me to?" You lay on your bed and pull off the boxers. Your cock springs out. You stroke it gently at first, applying some lube on it. You palm yourself, tightening your fist at the bottom. You let out soft moans, feeling the prominent vein on your underside. You lie face down and lift your pale ass to the camera. "Should I put it in?" You ask, giving the camera a good view of your puckered hole.

hubnon03: God, you're such a slut..

notyoboi: Put it in, you know you want to...

You give the vibrator one final lick before putting it to your hole. You move to give a good view of your hole. You read the comments and see the donations. One catches your eye.

lodediper donated 100 moras

Lodediper? That sounded kinda familiar. You had heard that somewhere. But where? It's not like it mattered. You shake that thought and focus on the task in hand. You push the vibrator inside slowly, ragged breaths escaping your mouth. Donations were coming in fast. You start to move the vibrator, wet squelching sounds and your moans filling the room. You switch it on and a pleasurable current runs in you. Your back arches a bit and your eyes shut as you let out strangled moans. "Ah.....feels..good..." You try to look at the comments.

kikae: Don't cum yet...keep going and don't touch yourself..

You oblige. Your cock was painfully hard in a few minutes, precum leaking from it's angry, red tip. You let out a loud moan as the vibrator hits your prostate. You were close. "C-Can...I come? Please?" you speak, voice cracking and drool collecting at the side of your mouth.

As the commenters agree, you switch the vibrator on to the highest setting. You let out a loud whine. "M'gonna come.....gonna come..." Your back arches as you come, white ropes of cum spilling from your cock. Panting and covered in sweat, you move to the camera. "Was I a good boy?" You ask, your cheeks flushed and hair, messed up. You looked like heaven, with your beautiful green eyes, hooded as you pant.

jongtim80: You were the best boy...

You smile at the comment as you blow a kiss to the camera. "Thanks for all the love. See you next week.." You speak as you turn off the camera. You get up to go clean yourself. "I don't wanna cook.." You huff. "Meh, Doordash today, I guess..", You shrug and order yourself a meal for your hard work. You check the donations for the day. A grand total of $2879.

You smile, satisfied and go to take a bath. You eat some of the food, keep the rest in the fridge and quickly go to sleep. It was a school day tomorrow. You look at your ceiling, comtemplating about life and when you realized that you were getting nowhere, you pull the blanket above your head and settle in comfortably, your eyes heavy with sleep and soon, fall asleep.

You wake up on time the next morning (thank god) and rush to put on some clothes and grab your back, headphones and head out. Texting Carl on the way, you grab the bus to your school.

You: omw, wby?

Carl: i think im preg

You: are you high again?

Carl: .....no.....maybe...idk

You: did you take too much vervain?

Carl: how tf do you know?

You: lucky guess..idk..yo ass better be at school...

Carl: kys

You: m trying but m too hot

Carl: tf...that's true tho

You put your phone in your pocket as the bus reaches your stop. You get off and head to the school. As you enter, you see Carl running towards you. "What happened? All ok?" You whisper, looking concerned. "No, apparently some guy knows about you being a camboy." Carl huffs out. Your eyes widen. "Who?" "Me....." You turn around to see a boy, your age, with messy-ass hair, looking at you with a smirk. You turn to face him. "You are?"

"Rodrick.." he responds. "Shall we take this somewhere private?" he asks. You sigh. "Ok...". You two move to an empty corner. "What do you want?" You snap. "Chill, I'm not doing anything.." he responds with a smug smile. "I just want something as.....well.....payment." he states casually. "What kind of payment?" You ask. "Hmm....I don't know..what do I want?" His eyes light up. "Be my servant for a week." he says with a flourish. "Like hell, I'm not doing that." you speak angrily.

"It's that or I'm telling everyone..." he responds. You grit your teeth. Fucking asshole. You glare at him. "If I do that, you won't tell anyone?" you ask. "Not a word." he confirms. You sigh. "Fine but don't expect me to do any weird stuff..and if anyone gets to know,I'm gonna kick your ass..." you say. Rodrick chuckles. "Yeah, yeah..but you'll have to deal with it. Also, my class is the one at the corner. Meet me after school. See you later, loser.." He walks away, satisfied as you fume with anger.

"SeE yOu LaTEr, lOsEr..." you mimic him. "Fucking weirdo..." You murmur as you walk to class. The whole day, you remain sulking and rude. During lunch, you catch up with Carl and tell him. "He's a pervert..I'm calling the cops..." he states. "I can't do anything about it either.." You sigh. "I could get him kidnapped or some if you want." Carl suggests. "No, are you nuts?" you exclaim and take a deep breath. "I'll do it. It's not like I have a choice." Carl pats your shoulder. "If that fucker troubles you too much, just call or text me, ok?" You smile at him. "Thanks."

You wait for school to be over. As the bell rings, you walk to his class tentatively. You stand outside, leaning against the wall. As the students come out, you glance at them. Rodrick catches your eye and walks to you. "Hey.." he says smugly. "Shut up and get to the point." you speak. "Ooh, fiesty....anyways..since you're my servant, you'll do everything I want." "And how the fuck will I do that? Telepathy?" you respond sarcastically. "Here's my number, loser...no need to sweat it.." he says, rolling his eyes. You sigh. "Ok, can I go now?" Rodrick turns to you. "Who said you were going?" You look at him, confused. "You're coming home with me.." "What the fuck? Why?!" you look at him.

"I'm not gonna kill you, turd burglar..geez....I need you to finish my homework..." he says. You groan. "Can't I do it later?" "No, I need to hand it in tomorrow." "Asshole..." You murmur as you glare at him and you two walk to his place.

This is gonna be a long week, you think as Rodrick gets into his van, gesturing for you to sit on the seat beside him which looked like it would fall apart with one more move. You look at him incredulously. This was definitely gonna be a long week....

#rodrick heffley #x male reader #male reader #camboy/camgirl au #gn reader #fanfic #rodrick x reader #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #rodrick rules #doawk rodrick

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overcaffeinated-underwhelmed · 3 months

Text

aight y’all…

i’m p crossed rn and had a thought as i mindlessly swipe thru tinder bc why not

and like what if i made my bio “nobody hot ever likes me… prove me wrong” and it seems so shallow but makes me giggly

and it feels so eddie!coded, but like reverse.

______________________________________________________________

after smoking w his bandmates after a gig, the group sits around, passing a bowl, and discussing the wonderful world of online dating. gareth raves about this super hot chick that matched with him on tinder, he's totally into her even though their conversation has simply consisted of him saying "hey!" and her replying "hi." jeff tells him he's being stupid, he doesn't even know the girl, let alone know if she's REAL.

eddie stays quiet. he has a tinder account, which he made a couple nights ago after band practice, after passing around a (fairly large) bowl. the guys all agreed to create tinder profiles. they all laughed about what they were going to put in their bio. gareth thought something (definitely inappropriately) funny was the way to go. jeff thought something (sickly) sweet and heartfelt was the only way to get matches. the two bickered back and forth like an old married couple for far too long.

eddie tuned their nonsense out. he thought to himself and decided something simple and straight to the point was enough. it's not like he even wanted to create this account, right? eddie built his profile, with photos of him and the band at the Hide Out, him shredding guitar at a band practice, and him and the hellfire guys joking around and laughing. he leaves his bio simple but (hopefully) a lil funny.

"eddie. lead singer. guitar. metallica. dio. ozzy. d&d.

nobody hot ever likes me... prove me wrong.”

______________________________________________________________

You had been drinking a lil bit tonight. You met some coworkers for drinks after work and had a few. However, when you got home, you decided you could go for another drink. You reached into the fridge and grabbed a cold beer. You cracked it open and took a big swig.

You realized you were still in your jeans, the buttons and waistband digging viciously into the skin of your stomach. You groaned slightly as the bottle swiftly made contact with the granite countertop beneath you. Letting go of your (much needed) drink, you unbuttoned your pants and made your way to your bedroom. You shuffle the tight denim down your legs as you cross the threshold into the bedroom. You quickly change into some loose sweats and an over-sized t-shirt, before making your way back to the kitchen to grab your drink.

You’re snuggled deep into the corner of the couch, wrapped in a fluffy blanket, knees almost against your chest, feet rested on the edge of the couch. You’re mindlessly opening, swiping through, and closing random apps on your phone, wrists rested on the top of your knees. Some reality tv show plays in the background as you come across the long-forgotten Tinder app on your phone. You subconsciously bite your lip before pressing the pink icon. What could a lil swiping hurt?? you think to yourself as you glance over the first profile that pops up.

You’ve been swiping left for what feels like forever, almost getting bored of the swiping. Just as you’re about to give up and close the app, a picture catches your eye. Your eyes fixate on a bright smile that meets the warm brown eyes of its owner. A weird feeling, almost like a… flitter?.. goes through your chest. You can’t even remember what you were about to do before seeing the picture of this incredibly attractive man on this godforsaken app. You drag your thumb along the screen of the phone to scroll through his profile. Some of his pictures are, undoubtedly, sexy as hell. I mean, who doesn’t find a musician sexy? You stop scrolling and read his bio.

"eddie. lead singer. guitar. metallica. dio. ozzy. d&d.

nobody hot ever likes me... prove me wrong.”

You giggle to yourself, thinking the second line is a flirty quip. Without giving a second thought, you swipe right on the profile. He was attractive, seems interesting and funny, what’s the harm?

A small gasp leaves your mouth as the screen displays an audacious celebration screen stating, “It’s a Match!”

After what feels like several minutes (but, in reality, was probably a few seconds), you press on the icon, obnoxiously displaying “Message Eddie Now!”

“there’s no way that’s true” you type back, pressing send without thinking.

______________________________________________________________

Eddie lightly gasps when he sees the notification pop up on his lock screen.

“Y/N messaged you!”

He quickly glances around the room, making sure no one noticed his reaction. The guys continued rambling on about the size of the crowd at their last show.

He swiftly presses the notification before it disappears, the screen quickly displaying your profile. Eddie takes a deep breath before opening the chat. He really did not expect to even match with someone, let alone be messaged by them first. He had haphazardly swiped through over a 100 girls that night he created the profile. He remembered how he swiped right on only a handful of girls, not many catching his attention.

The notification made his heart pound in his chest as he opened the chat log, reading your message. The insecure part of him was scared it was a mean joke, maybe you knew who he was and thought it’d be funny to humiliate him and make him think someone like you would actually swipe right on him. Eddie’s mind spins and heart thumps loudly, numbing his other senses.

“there’s no way that’s true” he reads.

He blankly blinks as he stares at the message, confusion clouding his brain. What? What’s not true? he wracks his brain. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to realize your message was a response to his bio. He initially tries to convince himself that you’re calling his bluff on being a musician, but he just knows that that’s not what you meant. His stomach churns violently as he re-reads your message and scrolls through your profile, over and over again.

______________________________________________________________

You feel oddly nervous after sending that message. You’re usually pretty relaxed when messaging guys on these apps, it’s not like you expect to find anything even remotely real this way. The intense, new feelings are overwhelming, which makes this entire moment overwhelming. The seconds pass by, feeling like hours, as you wait for a reply. Several minutes pass by without a response. You feel a sense of sadness deep within you as you stare at the dark screen of your phone. You’re being ridiculous. This is just an APP, your mind screams to you, trying to fight those feelings of rejection, loneliness, and sadness filling your chest. Who’s to say he’s even REAL? your brain screams within you.

You took a few deep breaths, trying to push those thoughts as far away from your mind as possible, subconsciously dropping your phone to your side. You feel some of the tension fading from your shoulders and upper back, taking a deep breath in and letting it out after a few seconds. Your body and mind are slowly relaxing, limbs beginning to feel heavy and you focus on your breathing. You can feel that familiar sense of sleepiness beginning to blanket your body, slowly creeping up your body, starting at your toes. As the feeling begins to reach your abdomen, a ding matched with a sharp buzz comes from beside you. You’re pulled out of your trance, hands immediately searching the surface of the couch beside you. Your fingers grasp your phone, fogginess starting to clear, but as your brain fully wakes up, you feel your heart speed up. You raise your phone to your face, unlocking the screen and reading the message that appeared.

“what’s not true? i promise i only speak the truth”

______________________________________________________________

After he hit send, Eddie’s stomach dropped and he regretted his entire life thus far. Why the fuck did I say THAT? That was the stupidest response he could possibly think of. He continues spiraling silently while the guys around him yell and shout about who knows what. Eddie feels so stupid and like it’s the end of the freaking world. He has literally never felt like this before. He thinks he’s going crazy. Like, what else could it be?

______________________________________________________________

You read his reply and feel a sudden wave of confidence, all the alcohol you’ve consumed tonight lowering your inhibitions.

“well, if you only speak the truth, then consider me proving you wrong”

You bite your lip as you hit send without a thought. You quickly lock your phone and toss it to the other side of the couch.

Once you actually start thinking about your reply, your stomach drops and you slowly start panicking. Why would you say something like that… What if he doesn’t think you’re hot? What if he accidentally swiped right? What if…? your mind just kept going. You started regretting even opening the app on your phone, regretting drinking at all tonight, regretting pretty much every decision you’ve ever made in your life.

As the seconds ticked by, slowly becoming minutes, you felt that sense of rejection and loneliness begin to consume you again. Shit. You fucked up again. This is why you don’t fucking go on these apps. Your despair suddenly turns to frustration. Why are you like this? How do people flirt? What the hell am I even doing? Your mind keeps reeling. After several seconds of deep breathing, you think to yourself, “At least you don’t ever have to meet him if you don’t want…” which gives you some comfort, but not enough. You spend the next several minutes talking yourself down, bringing yourself back to reality.

Ding!

Your eyes snap to the phone discarded at the other end of the couch. You’re scared to touch it, like it might burn you. You’re terrified. Of what, exactly? You’re not sure… You’re absolutely terrified of rejection. But you’re also incredibly anxious about the thought of him flirting back.

“proving…me wrong…? i don’t understand… I’m sorry”

You giggle to yourself, once again holding the phone in your hands. His cluelessness is almost endearing. You start to wonder if he doesn’t spend much time on this app… or maybe he’s playing you… maybe he…

Stop. You think to yourself, before taking a deep breath. You pause for a second before pushing all thoughts away and just acting.

“well, you said nobody hot ever likes you… and… i’m here to prove that wrong.”

______________________________________________________________

Eddie chokes on literal air as he reads your reply. Luckily, his bandmates are now arguing about the last campaign and no one noticed.

Eddie literally feels like he could piss himself out of sheer panic. His mind was full of static, his tongue felt dry, his body didn’t even feel like it was a part of him anymore.

His fingers start acting on their own accord, Eddie’s brain still full of fuzz.

“and what makes you think i think you’re hot?”

______________________________________________________________

You actually laugh out loud as you read his response. You immediately start typing up a response.

“Well, 1) we matched and 2) you’re still talking to me”

A warm feeling goes through your body, giving you the confidence to tack on “also, i think you’re hot”

______________________________________________________________

Eddie reads and re-reads your texts. He can’t believe what is happening right now. A sudden unfamiliar feeling rushes through him, almost making him feel like a teenager again. The feeling overtakes all of his senses. He can feel it deep within him.

This is real. I can’t fuck this up. A voice he doesn’t recognize whisper to him. The voice was familiar but held a certain level of confidence and determination in it, which he certainly did not hold himself. The voice continued whispering all around him. Reply. Don’t mess this up. This is special. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t think. Just do.

Before he could really think, his fingers started typing up a reply.

“well, i guess if you think i’m hot and i think you’re hot, we should probably do something about that.”

Eddie pressed send before he could second-guess it.

Ding! You had replied faster than he had expected.

“we probably should. sooner rather than later.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #stranger things #fanfic #stranger things fic #munson x reader

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