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#I know we are all feeling disillusioned again

ghostgirl101 · 1 month

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Imagine if Paul Atreides claimed you as his destiny: PART Ⅰ of Ⅱ

|| Word Count: 1.5K || Angst → Fluff ||

A/N: I had this as a big idea that I had to get down before the basic headcanons and stuff, so here's my take on our Lisan al Gaib 😎 if you like this then hit me up for some relationship headcanons and the like, I'm up for it all. Enjoy reading or watching the movie if you haven't already - I'm going again lol, and screen X is the best way to experience it fr Also I feel like I should write a second part to this lmao, if you liked what you read?

You weren't one for dreams of destiny.

The dreams you had seemed meaningless, confusing, nothing to do with what ifs and what could. Not like his.

But you always seemed to feel some kind of atmosphere, an aura you couldn't quite shake off, even when you woke up from the darkness. There was no face to go with the voice, the voice in the dark that called to you in whispers that you didn't understand. Beautiful words that weren't yours, but sounded so soft and gentle and powerful, as they reached out to you from distant lands.

You could never place them, pin them down and study them, understand them, until the day the Emperor was challenged by a ghost of a lost House, thought to be dead, left to be forgotten. You stand near the Emperor and his guards and men, the Great Houses looming and listening from higher above, as the Fremen fill up the space to watch the confrontation in spirited anticipation.

The life debt was paid. The late Emperor was overthrown. The ascendancy of Paul Atreides rose and took from the throne to claim it.

His attention flicks from his eyes boring coldly into the Emperor's, to meet yours, his voice smooth and set, full of conviction and force.

"Our destiny is together. I'll take her."

Your eyes widen slightly as his words sink in, blinking through the shock and incredulity that rushes through you and makes your heart race in apprehension and wonder. Though his voice twins with your wandering dreams, you don't know whether to feel fascination and longing, or fear and cautiousness at some greater force beyond your understanding, playing out before your very eyes.

"I..." your voice falters in uncertainty and disbelief, and you try again. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me well," Paul responds with an undying, stoic certainty that's almost unnerving. "As I know you."

His eyes study you, his Spice-stained blue eyes bleeding into yours, scanning every freckle on your face and curve of your outfit. Assessing you, knowing you, ridiculous throngs of power filling his aura and projecting onto you with his intense stare. You have to fight not to shiver under it, ultimately failing.

"What of me?" is the wisest reply you can think of before the silence stretches into dangerous uncertainty.

"Everything," Paul says evenly, but there's no mistaking the challenge and determination in his tone, almost daring you to reject him, to disagree, a built-up desire of dreamt promises resolving his stand. "I choose you, as my Empress. We will rule together, over the Empire."

Scepticism and bewilderment washes over you and makes your blood heat and stir, retreating into silence as he takes a step closer to you, gazing at you as if you're the most curious, exotic being he's ever seen.

Desire threatens to override Paul Atreides' reason, clinging onto the hope and chance of a narrow way through to light, a light that could only be sought out with you by his side. Without you, there was nothing in sight but pools of blood replacing luscious marine life and oceans running through Arrakis, disarray and disillusion at every turn and infecting every heart.

You were absolutely perfect.

And you were already his, long before this moment, before you and he were born into the world and named. There was no manipulation needed, because everything was laid out for him to take, welcoming him to rule and grow higher and higher. Fate had bonded you and strung you along to here and now, and as you blink up into his bright eyes that narrow slightly at you, frowning softly as if you hadn't understood his demand.

"Do you know what I am?"

You pause for a moment, speaking slowly and cautiously, as the crowd of Fremen and the wary, late Emperor watch on in tense wordlessness. "You are Leto Atreides' son. Former Duke of Caladan."

"What I am," Paul repeats evenly, "not who I am." He stares at you in silence for another beat, before speaking up again. "Do you know of the Bene Gesserit?"

You stop yourself from glancing in Lady Jessica's direction just in time; the runes patterning her skin, her once soft eyes now spiked with an unfamiliar darkness of ages past. Anyone could get trapped in her watchful glare, and her son's holds almost as much intensity.

"No," you decide on hesitantly.

"Kwisatz Hederach," he adds, taking another step forward until you can feel his breath tickling your cheeks, standing above you with unspoken grace and vigor. "I see the future. A part of me is the future."

His hand is suddenly squeezing yours warmly and tightly, making you flinch slightly and glance down at them before looking back up at him.

"In this future, I am with you."

All you can do is stare at him in awe and wariness, not knowing whether to let your curiosity guide you, or distance yourself as far as possible from the boy who reigns over the dunes.

"Why?" you whisper, the crowds seeming to fade around you as you focus on the boy in front of you, his fingers tangling with yours boldly.

"I've seen it," Paul insists, his tone a touch softer in thought and wistfulness. "All of it. When I am with you..." His grip tightens over yours, the fire in his eyes returning. "We're unstoppable."

"And..." your words dry before you can speak them, and you will yourself to go on, unable to break away from the deep blue hues of his gaze. "And without?"

His jaw visibly clenches at your question, and his hand drops yours, shaking his head only answer as he glances away in slight frustration.

"You don't have the leisure of choice. It's all been made for you, written in the sands and stars, and what you need to do is walk in its path. I will show you the way. You have no other. Do you understand?"

The firmness is strong in his words and glare, making you look away from him too, still in a slight stun over the rush of events. In less than a day, your freedom has been stripped to this young man's desires and destiny, entwined with yours. You, who barely knew him until now, only familiar with his voice, his words, that echoed and rang in your head like a lullaby.

But this feels so harsh and strict. The eyes of the former Emporer linger between the two of you, and Paul's army of Fremen stand behind him attentively, some gazing at you in admiration and hope, of their messiah's promised bride. And she is beautiful.

"That's unfair."

"The future is unfair," Paul says calmly, his collected, cool tone wavering for a moment. "But it will be so much worse without you by my side, and I will not accept that. Not for my people... not for myself."

You stare at him in fascination and caution, lost for words. His fingers rise to brush against the skin of your cheek, sending tingles in their wake and making you fight back the automatic reaction, your eyes following his surprisingly gentle touch. Two fingers trace down the shape of your cheek down to your chin, tilting your head slightly upwards. Just one step closer, and your lips would be touching too.

"Name anything," he murmurs to you, the Fremen straining to hear his voice as it reaches you effortlessly, his expression earnest and determined. "Anything. And it is yours. Only if you willingly wed me in turn. Not as a concubine, nor a mistress."

You blink, then blink again, taken aback as a million thoughts and suggestions race through your mind and make your head spin for a split second. You glance at the elder Emperor, who gazes back at you and the infamous Lisan al Gaib wearily, his eyes clouded with sombreness and light spite.

"I... I don't," you shake your head, overwhelmed by an impossible choice. "I don't know..."

Paul's expression softens into a smile you haven't seen before, one that makes your cheeks flush with colour as you watch him; a gentle, amused smile that's somehow familiar and unfamiliar all at once, one meant just for you, as he disregards his surroundings.

"You will know," he replies quietly, "and I will have you, and protect you, rule with you. Love you. As I am meant to."

Paul suddenly brings you closer, pulling you into a searing kiss without warning. The exotic, earthy taste of the Spice on his tongue floods your senses and sends shudders of ecstasy and heat coursing under your skin and hushing the myriad of thoughts buzzing in your mind in an instant.

When he pulls away, all too soon, you find yourself chasing his lips before you catch yourself, and Paul gives you another soft smile, his forehead resting against yours as your eyes lock.

"And as I long to," he finishes against your lips, his words grounded with a look of protectiveness and desire that makes you instinctively relax further in his hold.

⊹⊹⊹

From beyond you both, his mother smiles slightly at the scene, a hand hovering over her rounded stomach.

The first step has been made.

══════════════⊹⊱≼ part two coming soon ≽⊰⊹══════════════

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nevertheless-moving · 2 months

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unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self.

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and—

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic, being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life.

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal.

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell)

#discworld #sam vimes #discworld au #nightwatch au #i literally drafted this post in December 2021 #and i know it was living in my head for years already at that point #i have more somewhere aging like cheese in the back of my mind #discworld fanfic #night watch #Let this be free from my mind #Perhaps someone else will write it #BE FREE ANCIENT AU OF MY SOUL #For all my obsession with discworld I have but this one (1) AU though it tears at me like the seam of a pair of pants #The songs I have permanently associated with this au are slightly bonkers by the way #My au #Seriously there's like two full novels worth of content up here. Sybyll running away from home and living as a commoner #To mirror Sam joining upper class in original timeline you see?#Some early discworld murder Wizard nonsense when they try to poke at the temporal anomaly and the universe goes brrrr #Eventually catching up with color of Magic city burning bs and vimes is mad as fuck #Weird year that never was protecting people during sourcery #And when we start catching up with where he left #Oh ho ho you can't to forward to something that doesn't exist but maybe you can go sideways to a place that's got a tear in it #A sam vimes shaped tear #And his pregnant wife from 30 years ago in the other trouser leg #AND that's not even mentioning how carcers trial got taken to a...higher court

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daycourtofficial · 6 months

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Everything is Not As it Seems - Part 3!

Summary: You’ve been abducted, and the inner circle have to find you as quickly as possible.

Author’s note: Part three baby!! There will be one last part, I really just want to draw out the ending a bit.

(Part 1) (Part 2)

Rhys’s words ring in your ears.

“No that’s not.. that’s not… possible.” You say, thinking about the past month with Azriel. “I’m really good at seeing through glamours, I would have seen.. I would have seen something.”

You back away from them, not knowing what to think. Was this some cruel joke? Some initiation as Azriel’s bride-to-be? Some payback for the two of you keeping them from wedding planning?

Feyre grabs your hands, removing the bracelets and rings from your wrists and fingers. “We believe Eris had Hybern custom make these, to block out your power. We also think he put faebane in your food to keep your powers down.” She pauses, keeping a hold on your hands, gently stroking them with her thumbs. “We also think the faebane was laced to make you more accepting of things - so you wouldn’t question too much.”

Feyre speaks to you so softly, so gently. She knows what it’s like to be disillusioned from the one you love most, but she can’t begin to understand how embarrassed and used you feel.

You look between the two of them, not knowing what to believe. Why would they lie to you? Then again, why would Eris go through all this trouble to marry you?

“I think seeing these might help,” Rhysand replies, pulling out a massive stack of opened envelopes. They were all addressed to you from Eris. “None of them say much - mostly just pleasantries, asking how you are, that sort of thing.” Rhysand hands the stack to you, “but he’s been sending them weekly for a few years now. They stopped arriving the week you were taken.”

“I’m gonna be sick,” you tell Feyre, and Rhys winnows you into your bathroom. You spend the next several hours vomiting, the two of them at your side as you process this.

The entire time you begin to tell them things in-between waves of nausea. They find out you haven’t seen anyone else in the time you’ve been captive, other than seeing the occasional servants and wedding planner. It seems Eris kept you a well-hidden secret.

You tell them about how Eris saw you every day, sleeping in your bed every night. He ate dinner with you every night, telling you how much he adored you. He spoke of his excitement for your wedding, your future children, when you realize something.

“I could never say his name.” You whisper, as you lean against the porcelain toilet, “I would try to call him Azriel but it would never come out.”

You stare at the wall in the bathroom, still digesting that none of it was real. “It all felt so real,” you whisper, the admission making your heart ache. “I feel like a fool.”

“Mother above,” Cassian says, standing in the doorway, a mixture of horror and anger overtaking his features. “I’ll kill him,” he says, coming to wrap you in his arms. He sits down on the ground next to you, letting you crawl into his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck, and just sob.

“Does he know?” you choke out later on, voice hoarse from crying and vomiting and your voice muffled from burying your face in Cassian’s neck. The question had been at the forefront of your mind, but fear keeping it from your lips.

“No, he just knows you were engaged.” Rhys replies, his tone betraying the cool exterior he’s trying to show. Truthfully, all of your friends were heartbroken at this event, heartbroken knowing that they’d bring you home, but that you would never be the same again. Heartbroken that this might keep you and Azriel away from each other.

“I can’t see him,” your voice barely a whisper, “at least not yet. I- it’s - too embarrassing,” you say, looking away from your friends, but still seeing a sliver of pity cross all of their faces at your words.

Azriel had no idea why Rhysand wouldn’t let him visit you, going so far as someone always being on post outside if your door. It was, quite frankly, starting to piss him off. All he wanted was to see you, to make sure you’re okay. As okay as you can be, in these circumstances. He hadn’t even caught a glimpse of you, for mother’s sake.

Not catching sight of you was the only thing keeping him from tearing Eris limb from limb. He just needed to catch a glimpse, then he could tear Eris apart.

Azriel had kept shadows posted to watch the guard change outside your door, and, although he isn’t proud of it, maybe he laced his brother’s meal with some sedatives so he would fall asleep at post outside your door.

Azriel slips into your room, quietly shutting the door behind him, trying not to disturb Cassian slumped outside of your door. He comes to sit in the chair next to where your head lays, waiting for you to wake.

“I do,” he says.

“You may now kiss the bride,” the officiant tells you two. He pulls back your veil, his beautiful hazel eyes turning quickly into amber, his features sharpening. He laughs, the sound dissonant across your ears.

“Oh little fox, if only there was a little shadowsinger who loved you.” Azriel began, his hair turning bright red, his skin paling, his wings shrinking. “It’s too late for that love story, but now ours can truly begin.”

“Eris?” You ask, as the male before you has shifted completely. “Where’s- what happened to Azriel?”

He puts his hands around your face, “he was never here,” and he leans in, kissing you.

You jolt awake, breathing heavy at the dream. You start taking in the room, and someone’s sitting in the chair next to your bed, his wings ducking to appear smaller.

“No no no,” you say, scooting away from him. You look down, seeing the black bed sheets, your black nightgown, and you stop. You look around the room, breathing heavy.

Azriel hears you muttering, “I’m in the night court, I’m here, this is real,” on a loop before he hesitantly approaches.

Your breath hitches, and you hold out a hand, stopping him in place. Your hand is shaking, gods what happened to you? “Tell me something only the real Azriel would know.” You say, with pure conviction on your face, despite the tremors across your body.

He pauses, considering this. “On solstice this past year, Rhys won the annual snowball fight. Cass and I think he cheated, but we have no proof.”

You let your guard down a little. “You’re here right now, visiting me, Azriel. You’re Azriel, spymaster, shadowsinger, my friend. Real or not real?”

Azriel didn’t think his heart could break more, but he just heard it shatter again. What did Eris do to you?

“Real,” he states, hoping that’s the right answer.

He realizes that you can’t keep eye contact with him, but you keep looking at his forehead.

He cautiously sits on the bed, a few feet away from you, extending a hand if you wanted to take it. The nature of your relationship was incredibly friendly, the two of you often seeking out the other’s touch, whether it’s holding hands, an arm around your shoulder, or even late night cuddles. You two have always been incredibly honest and open with each other, which is why Azriel starts speaking.

“I’m glad you’re home.”

And the sob that tears from you pierces his soul.

“Az-“ you choke out, “I have to tell you something. I don’t want to tell you, but I have to.”

He watches you, looking like a cornered animal, afraid that he’d pounce on you the moment he saw an opening.

“Eris, uh,” you say, pausing when you hear Azriel’s growl at the name, “wanted me to marry him.”

You look down at your hands, trying to extend the moment for as long as possible, because everything will change. It’s not just the pain of the rejection that will hurt, but you know Azriel. He’s always so soft with you, and the softness he’ll use to let you down gently will feel like a stab to the heart.

“To get me to do that, he uh. He changed his form,” you say, hands shaking, not wanting to tell him this. “He glamoured himself into someone that I would marry. Someone I wouldn’t question why we had to get married so quickly.”

Azriel was following along, afraid of what you were going to tell him, who you would possibly marry in less than two months given the option.

“We stayed in a cottage I own in Autumn, I haven’t been there in decades, I should have seen a connection, but I didn’t.” You take a large inhale, hoping the words will come out strong and steady. Rip off the bandaid, you think.

“Eris glamoured himself into you, because he knew I’d say yes. He glamoured himself into you because he knew I wouldn’t question a fast engagement and I would marry you, no hesitation.”

Azriel reaches a hand out onto your calf, trying to ground himself in anyway possible. His breath hitches, hoping he isn’t mistaking your words.

“You would marry… me?”

You nod timidly, embarrassment shining through. “I almost did,” you squeak out.

“But that wasn’t me!” It’s a sentiment you’re familiar with now, but it still stings. You physically flinch, your worst fears coming to the surface.

“But I thought it was! Now I have all of these fake memories of a relationship with you that never happened!” Your voice starts getting louder, “I feel so embarrassed! He played me like a fiddle! It’s so obvious how in love with you I am someone pretended to be you and I fell for it! If Feyre didn’t come when she did, I’d be married to Eris right now!” You pause, your voice going soft when you say, “I’m so blinded by you, that I never once thought to question it. I’m embarrassed because I know you don’t feel that way for me, but I fell for the illusion anyway.”

The tears were streaming down your face, now. Azriel was frozen at this admission. The words he so desperately wanted to hear, but not in the context he wanted them. He was stuck in his own thoughts when he heard you say, “can you please leave now? I’ve been uh humiliated enough these past few months, I don’t need it furthered by watching you contemplate how to let me down gently.”

“Sweetheart, I-“

Rhys barges in the room, having heard the commotion. He starts speaking mind to mind with Azriel, telling him to leave or he’ll make him leave. Azriel wants to listen to his high lord, but he quickly grabs your hands and tells you, “I would have fallen for the same trap. No matter the warning bells or questionable signs, you could ask me to marry you right now and I’d find a priestess.” He paused, about to leave, “if you want to call yourself a fool for falling for it, you’d have to call me a fool as well. You could hold a dagger to my heart, and I would say yes.”

Rhys’s power over Azriel finally won out, Azriel’s form folding into this shadow. Now that he got access in, he left a few shadows to keep you company and to send for him when you want to talk again.

Rhys comes over to you, and holds you while you cry. “Rhys, I don’t know what’s real anymore.”

#acotar fanfiction #azriel #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel fanfic #azriel fluff #ahhhhh!!!! what do we think???#azriel angst

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 2 months

Text

A Twist of Fate - The End**

IT'S FINALLY DONE! I hope you guys like this final part of the A Twist of Fate series

Warnings: mentions of drug and alcohol, mental health/therapy themes, coming out as poly conversation, fingering, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex.

WC: 25.5K

There's a playlist for this one!

When you woke up the following morning your head hurt and your body felt sore. You knew you were dancing a lot and moving in ways that your body was not accustomed to. Moreover, you were reminded of why you’d decided to stop drinking when you went out. You laid in bed in silence for several minutes, recapping all of the events from the party, and your stomach turned again as you envisioned the disillusioned look in Taylor’s eyes when she saw you coming into the bathroom.

She wasn’t mean or rude to you in any way, but a lot things flashed through your mind that made you react the way you had. The song a few months ago, the momentary lapse in your character that made you judge her when she and Harry were on vacation, and the kiss. You genuinely hadn’t felt all that bad about the kiss with Harry before, it had been a lapse in judgement, a mistake… that was until you were standing in front of her. You remembered how much you’d been fantasizing about kissing him again and apparently he felt the same way. It just felt like too many things to hold in, so they came out however they could. You were dying to apologize for ruining their evening, but you knew that speaking to either of them would cause more harm than good.

Your phone dinging with a text made you exhale. So you got a good stretch in, hearing a couple little cracks as you reached your limit and held it before relaxing and sitting up. You opened your phone and smiled when you saw Ricky’s text.

Ricky:

Hey:) Did you make it out alive?

You had been seeing Ricky casually. It was quite an unexpected but almost obvious pairing. You’d spent a lot of time together now that you were back in the studio and you had also developed a friendship after working together for a couple years now. But after helping his sister out is when you starting hanging out more. One night when he was dropping you off after you guys had seen Provoker you just had this tense moment and he kissed you and you kissed back and well, now you’d been hooking up for a little over a month.

Y/N:

I did! Barely, but still haha

Ricky:

But still:) When are you back?

Y/N:

Tuesday morning. Why…?

Ricky:

We should do something.

Y/N:

Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe we can go to Venice? Grab some brunch and get high on the beach.

Ricky:

I think I might have to break our no romantic feelings rule over that.

You giggled as you read his reply and before you could respond a few knocks on the door startled you.

“Come in!” You called out.

“You’re up already?” Caitlyn asked with a smile and you nodded as she came over and climbed into the empty side of the bed. “How’d you sleep?”

“I should be asking you. The couch wasn’t too bad?”

“It was alright. Better than being the audience to your tears all night.” She teased and you chuckled.

“Well, I didn’t really cry last night any more. I think it was just all really overwhelming in the moment.” You said and she nodded.

“Good. So you’re feeling OK? No bad crash?” She asked and you shook your head.

“I mean, I do feel a little down, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the molly…” you said and she hummed. “I’m just not happy with-” you paused and turned your attention back to you phone when it dinged in your hands and saw Ricky’s message.

Ricky:

I’m sorry. Did I make it weird?

Y/N:

No, not at all! Sorry, Cait just came in to check on me:)

Ricky:

Okay, thank fuck haha

Ricky:

Well I’ll let you go, I actually have to work out now so…

Y/N:

Stoooop, you do not lol It’s the worst, so I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t.

Ricky:

Okay. I’ll just pretend not to know anything about your track history lol

Y/N:

Yeah, do that. I’ll text you later:)

Ricky:

Sounds good!

“Look at you, all smiley after you said you’re a little down…” Caitlyn pointed out and you chuckled.

“It’s just Ricky.” You explained.

“Ah, still riding that…hmmm.” she hummed and you chuckled.

“God, so crass…”

“I know.” She grinned and then your smile dropped as you recalled the previous topic at hand.

“I just feel really bad for yesterday. I hope I didn’t cause too big of a fuss with Harry and Taylor. I’m sure my reaction made me seem guilty of what she assumed.” You sighed, already overthinking it all over again. You’d replayed the scenario over and over at least a solid thousand times in the shower last night.

“Oh, they’ll be fine.” Caitlyn scoffed through a laugh, “You did the right thing in trying to avoid him. Who cares what she took the whole puking thing as. Hopefully she is able to believe Harry that you weren’t together and if she doesn’t well, that’s her issue, not yours.” She advised and you nodded.

“Right.” You smiled a bit.

“Well, what should we do today? Have breakfast and go for a little walk? Help wear off any hangover symptoms?”

“Yeah, that actually sounds good.”

“OK.” She smiled and got out of the bed, “I should shower first. S’gonna be a long one after the night we had.” She mumbled and you nodded.

“Oh yeah, please. Take your time.” You insisted.

**************

HARRY’S POV:

Harry hardly slept a wink. He hadn’t been able to reach anyone to stay with at the last minute and all the hotels he knew he could safely stay at were booked out, so he stayed on the couch in the suite. The couch was far too firm for his liking, but he still laid down there and just thought. He thought and thought for hours and hours if all of this had been worth it. He didn’t have Taylor and he didn’t have you. He felt heartbroken but he knew that this was the best outcome. He clearly couldn’t make up for the past, at least not in Taylor’s eyes. And it was better that they end things than for him to keep trying to meet an impossible expectation. Taylor wanted him to stop loving you, it was genuinely an impossible request. And settling deep in some crevice somewhere beneath all the hurt he recognized the feeling of relief.

He tried his best to figure out what the relief was about, but he kept coming back to the same thing, he was relieved that the relationship was over. He felt wrong for having that thought. It was uncomfortable to have that knowledge and to just sit with it. But he processed through the discomfort and soon concluded that just how Taylor said she didn’t like herself anymore, neither did he. He was afraid to say or do the wrong thing and then be back in a weird limbo thing where she’d leave his place for a few days to clear her head and then come back a few days later with another condition he needed to meet to make things “work”. She was never unreasonable, but he was tired. He felt like he was fighting against who he was and he hated it. His mum always told him that he should be with someone who loves and accepts who he is and that he shouldn’t have to change fundamental parts of himself for the sake of making someone else happy.

He checked the time, it was only 7am and he dreaded being an early riser right now when he needed the rest. He just lay there quietly for a while, he could hear her moving around in the bedroom, she was probably packing up, their flight left that night. He had no idea what her plans were. Eventually, he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted a shower so he sat up and stretched his arms back behind his head and arched his back up, the low crack of his back releasing its tension made him hum before he stood. He knocked at the door gently with his index finger.

“Yeah?”

“I need a wee. And a shower.” He said. Moments later the lock clicked and she opened the door.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” He murmured.

“You alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” He said, “And you?”

“Good too. I don’t…regret it. Or take it back if that’s what you’re asking.” She said and he nodded, “Ummm, well go ahead and get in there.” She said.

“Tay?”

“Yeah?” She asked, eyes meeting his.

“We should talk logistics after. Don’t scamper off, alright?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, ummm, should I order up?”

“Yeah, I’ll have whatever you have.”

“Kay.” She hummed.

When Harry got out their breakfast was being delivered. So he got dressed quickly and then headed out to the little table out in the lounging area of their suite. The spread looked good and he soon sat down and started eating. It was tense and quiet for a bit before he spoke up.

“So ummm…are you going to come back to London with me or take some time away?” He asked.

“Ummm, I think I’m gonna stay here. Just ummm…get a bit of space.”

“Yeah, that’s alright. Ummm, obviously, I can take care of this for you-”

“No, it’s alright. I mean…I broke up with you, if anything I should pay for you and…soothe your broken heart.” She said with a small smile and he chuckled.

“I might not seem like it but I am upset. It just doesn’t feel real yet.” He explained and she offered a tight-lipped smiled.

“It’s alright, I know what you mean.” She mumbled before they ate a bit more. “So ummm, are you gonna go after her? Y/N?”

“Ummm, we had this deal where we’d see where fate led us, so no.” he said and she sighed.

“All that for you not to go after what you really want?”

“It’s not like that. I really wanted things to work with you too, like I love you and I care about you-”

“Sure, but the whole time you’ve loved her. So you should go be with her.” She said, as if it were the obvious next move. He still didn’t think that she was fully understanding what was really going on inside of him.

“I mean, it’s not that simple…”

“Sure it is, Harry.” She sighed, “You’ve been pining after her all these years. I mean, I know that things didn’t work out how you wanted the first time and that letting go really hurt you. But I think you’ve been running from what you really want for long enough, H. I know you’re scared that you’ll put yourself out there and it won’t work again, but you have to take the risk.”

“I will, just…when the time is right.” He said and she nodded.

After she packed the last of her things she headed off to somewhere he didn’t know and that was that.

****************

You had just finished breakfast and Caitlyn had just hopped in the shower and you were trying to figure out what to wear out. You had two options laid out on the bed when Caitlyn’s phone started ringing from the bedside table and you hurried over and froze as you saw “Harry Styles, mobile” displayed on the glass screen. There was a wacky picture of him making a funny, irritated face in the background. It made you smile for a moment before you wondered why he’d be calling. Maybe something was wrong? You decided to deal with the consequences later and just answer it.

“Hello?” You greeted tentatively. Your voice faded into a breathless whisper by the second syllable of the word as the uncertainty of your decision grew.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost in disbelief and you nodded and then remembered you weren’t in front of him and inhaled sharply.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You responded and smiled when you heard him sigh in relief and then chuckle.

“Hi!” He greeted cheerfully.

“Hi.” You laughed breathily and then waited for his response.

“Ummm, I was only calling to check on you actually.” He said.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you.”

“Well, I heard through the grapevine that you got a little sick.” He chuckled and you giggled.

“Yeah, that happened…” you said and he hummed, “I’m alright, I just got overwhelmed because I was drinking and also I…did drugs. I don’t think I would’ve had such a theatrical reaction otherwise.” You explained.

“Well either way, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thank you. And how are you? I was worried that I maybe… caused some…tension between you and Taylor last night.” You said carefully.

“Yeah, I’m…alright.” He said, face twisted up a bit awkwardly.

“Why did you say it weird?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Did I?”

“I know you…” you said knowingly and he smiled to himself.

“I’m just so happy to hear your voice again. I missed the sound.” He expressed and you felt your cheeks getting all warm as you blushed.

“I’ve missed you too. A lot.” You responded. “So, how are you? Really.” You asked again. Harry was great at deflecting. But if something was wrong with them and you had unintentionally caused it, then the least you could do was talk it out with him.

“I swear, I am fine, but ummm…Taylor actually…broke up with me.” He said and you gasped audibly.

“Oh my god…” you sighed regretfully, already feeling awful and guilty for their demise, “I’m so sorry, H. So truly sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?” You asked and he sighed, “Was it because of me?” You asked next, your voice was small and quiet.

“Oh no, get that out of your head. Not at all.” He responded immediately, “It wasn’t you. This was all me…” he said and you sighed, “But I promise I’m good. Well at least right now I am…” he said.

“Well, when you don’t feel good you can call me, you know?” You said and he chuckled.

“Actually I can’t…I haven’t got your number any more.” He confessed and you scoffed.

“Oh…Okay…” you hummed in playful offense.

“I assure you it wasn’t my idea.” He added with a chuckle, “But I mean, deleting it didn’t really do what it was intended to, which was get me to forget about you, so…” He chuckled.

“I mean…” you hummed and giggled.

“Well ummm…I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thanks. When are you heading home?”

“Tonight. I leave at 10.”

“Oh ummm…if you wanted some company we’re gonna go for a walk in the park?” You offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah, H.”

“Yeah, I’d love to come. Ummm, I’m staying at The Mark, so right near the park.”

“Oh, we’re at the Carlyle! Just down the street from you. We can walk over and meet you in the lobby?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Text me when you guys are walking over.”

“Will do.” You smiled.

“Alright, see you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When Caitlyn came out of the shower you immediately told her what you’d done and that Harry and Taylor had broken up. She was completely shocked that something as seemingly insignificant as running into you in the bathroom had been the thing that pushed Taylor over the edge.

“Wow…”

“I know. He said it wasn’t my fault but…I mean it all goes to shit after I had a wee run in with Taylor in the bathroom?”

“Yeah…I just can’t believe that is what broke the camel’s back. Like, it must’ve been quite bad between them if that’s all it took, you know?”

“Yeah…like I feel like it’s kind of my fault, but I also know I didn’t do anything, you know? But God, just seeing the joy drain from her face when she realized it was me…that sucked.”

“I can imagine. But hey, now you’re both single, maybe you guys can try again now.”

“Maybe…but he really loved her so I think he will need some time to get past this.”

“Just don’t wait too long. With both of you griping at me I don’t know what to do anymore.” She chuckled and you smiled.

“Yeah…”

***************

You and Caitlyn were waiting in the lobby at The Mark and after a few minutes Harry was wandering down looking cozy in a hoodie and some workout shorts. He smiled and waved when he saw you guys. You and Caitlyn waved back as he came closer.

“Hiya.” He said lowly as he hugged Caitlyn.

“Hey.” She hummed and then they pulled back.

“Hi.” He said more timidly as he stepped over to you and hugged you into his body. You relaxed in his hold and sighed in relief.

“Hi. It’s so good to see you.” You smiled as you pulled back.

“You too.” He grinned, “Umm, shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Caitlyn agreed.

You were all chatting, recounting your adventures from the MET as you made your walk through the park. Then, Caitlyn would take you guys to a coffee shop she really liked. It was relaxed, though as you got deeper through the park a couple of people did notice you guys and two girls started following you guys for a bit until you were veering too far from their path. You were all linked arms and skipping as you playfully sung the “We’re Off to See the Wizard” song from “The Wizard of Oz” through your laughter.

“Okay friends, ready for a little caffeine boost?” Caitlyn asked.

“Definitely.” Harry chuckled and then you guys started heading back.

While waiting in line at the coffee shop and chatting with Caitlyn about what you guys should try, you and Harry had to respectfully decline getting pictures and videos with fans to avoid making a huge fuss. But nevertheless, it was obvious that people were recording from afar or taking pictures without your consent. He didn’t seem as nervous or fearful about it as he did when you two dated, so at least there was that. He felt far more confident and comfortable declining these requests now. Before he felt a little bit obligated, as did you, because if it weren’t for these people’s support you wouldn’t be where you were.

You did a lot of work on boundaries in therapy and now you thought of it as being on and off the clock. If you were at an event or on a stage or out in public repping a certain brand or product even if you were with friends then you were “on the clock”. But if you were just hanging out with your friends, running errands, going about your day…then you considered yourself to be “off the clock” and during these moments, depending on where you were or who you were with, you might accept or decline the requests fans made of you. Now, after what Harry had been dealing with since the night (or early morning technically) you didn’t really want anyone getting too close and you could see the gratitude in his eyes when you turned away yet another fan who was gazing between the two of you and deciding that you might be the easiest target.

“You’ve gotten really good at this.” Harry hummed lowly as he leaned closer to you and you giggled as his lips slightly tickled your ear.

“Thanks. Therapy.” You said as you glanced up at him and he hummed.

“Not cause of me, right?” He asked quietly.

“Not primarily, but you came up.” You confirmed and he smiled.

“I talked about you too. A lot.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“All good things I hope…”

“Oh yeah…definitely.” He said sarcastically and you laughed and you moved to elbow him playfully but he caught your arm first and just pulled your body in front of his. “Had to overpower you to prevent any violence.” He said quietly and you laughed and tossed your head back to rest on his shoulder and he glanced down at you.

“You have boogies.” You grinned as you informed him quietly and he furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed.

“No I don’t.” He sniffled and ran his finger under his nose just in case and you laughed and turned around to face him again now that his dominant hand was occupied. “Do I really?” He asked you quietly and you sniggered and shook your head.

“No, just messing with you.” You assured him as you laughed and he rolled his eyes before suddenly grabbing your arms and pulling you in and then pulling your arms around his torso.

“Hug me.” He requested softly and you swore the entire world stopped just then and you smiled as you leaned into him and hugged him tight before he squeezed around your waist and exhaled. You gently scratched over the expanse of his back for a few moments, “Now when I google us this’ll come up.” He said softly.

“Hmmm, very clever.” You smiled, “Love it.” You decided and he chuckled.

“Okay, stop flirting and decide on your drinks, we’re next in line.” Caitlyn said.

“Ready?” You asked softly.

“No.” Harry mumbled, “But do it. Just do it.” You sighed and let go of him and you looked up at him with a gentle smile as you rubbed over his shoulder.

“Oh, I missed you.” You said and he grinned and you turned around as you heard Caitlyn start ordering her drink.

“Please don’t check ‘em out, I’ve got them covered.” Harry called to the cashier who nodded and smiled at him. Soon after you were all corned up near the pick up counter chatting, including Caitlyn in it a lot more now that you and Harry had been able to just relish in each other’s company for a little bit.

“Order for Harry!” The barista called and Harry walked up and grabbed the drinks, smiling at the barista and mumbling a thanks before going the few steps over to you guys and handing over your drinks.

Caitlyn had gotten a matcha latte while you and Harry opted for plain cold brews. Once again, you guys took off but this time back to your hotels with your drinks in hand to beat the warmth of the day. You guys were talking about your favorite looks of the night as you made the walk back and when you were down the street he turned to you guys.

“Ummm, would you guys want to come up for a bit? I don’t have to leave until 8 from here?” He asked, “We could have dinner?” He asked you two and Caitlyn shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m down.” She smiled and you turned to Harry and nodded in agreement.

After being seen leaving earlier, there were people waiting around for him outside the hotel but you guys rushed in quickly and then headed up to his suite. You headed off to the bathroom while Caitlyn and Harry picked something to watch. You looked yourself over in the mirror and you were glad that you looked alright, you felt a little weird from your slight hangover still, bit you were glad you didn’t look dead. When you opened up the door Caitlyn was sitting on the bed waiting for you to get out so she could go in.

“S’all yours.” You smiled as you stepped out.

“Behave.” She admonished and you giggled and headed back out to the little “living room” area to see Harry still scrolling through the channels on the TV with a little furrow in his brow and a slight squint to his eyes and you smiled.

“Where are you glasses?”

“I lost ‘em a bit ago.” He said glancing over to you before you plopped down beside him.

“Oh H…”

“I know. Haven’t been able to secure an appointment.” He said and you hummed.

“You feeling OK though?” You asked more seriously and he nodded.

“Yeah…like it sucks, but you guys are good company. I’m sure I’ll feel it when I’m on my own though.”

“Well I think that’s great, H.” You said and he looked at you a bit perplexed, “I mean that you have to feel this out. I know that you really love her and that this can’t be easy for you, so you have to sit with it a bit and just go through the motions of it all.” You explained.

“And what about us? Didn’t we agree that-”

“Technically you said a few years from now…” you said with a soft smile.

“Well I’ll be 30-something by then…”

“So will I…” you shrugged and he smiled a bit sadly.

“Have you…changed your mind?” He asked you cautiously. He was trying not to look broken up about it, but you knew him well and you could see the fear and concern in his eyes.

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying you need to be single for a little bit. More than two months.” You said and he chuckled, “Seriously Harry, when we ended you had a new girlfriend a few months later. And then when that ended you were suddenly with Taylor, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah, I did kinda rush into this last few more than usual…it just felt really right at the time and we vibed well. I knew I’d be off for a bit so it felt like good time to try.” He explained with a shrug. “Taylor actually started talking to me before I was single, so we were friends for a bit so it’s not like I just dated someone I hardly knew.” He defended and you giggled along with him.

“Yeah, I joke a bit. But I mean, as long as you don’t regret the time you’ve spent and as long as you’ve learned and grown from these people and your relationships with them I think that’s great. But I think we both know that filling the void is simply a bandaid.” You explained.

“I know…” he sighed, “I really am just so scared of being alone.”

“Well H, you’re never going to be alone. I’m here whenever you need anything.” You assured and he glanced to you with a smile, “I know that maybe it was just…scary to talk and be around each other before, but I mean once we did see each other it didn’t…hurt. Not at all. It actually brought me…relief that…nothing had really changed between us.” You said to him and he hummed and nodded.

“Yeah.” He smiled, “You know I was genuinely dreading the day I’d run into you. I think I also thought it would be painful or feel like defeat or failure… it did fuck me up a bit but in a good way.” He assured and you chuckled.

“Yeah, same…” you smiled, “Well, all that to say that I love you, a lot! And I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens with us. I don’t want us to be estranged ever again. Got it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded with a relieved smile, “You know, I think you’re right though…”

“Of course I am.” You said, “About what?” He chuckled.

“That I need to just take a little bit of time to really just get through this and then we can think of everything else.”

“Right.” You smiled.

You guys fell silent for a bit and then you heard that Caitlyn was actually on the phone in the bedroom. When you glanced back there the door was nearly closed all the way and you sighed as you glanced down at your hands.

“How about you? How’ve you been?” He asked.

“Good.” You nodded, “I mean, Seb was relentless for a bit, but a few weeks ago he just stopped trying to win me back. I mean, I don’t think what he wants is awful, but I don’t see myself changing that much of myself just to fit the kind of person he wants.”

“Yeah.�� Harry nodded in understanding. “Like I don’t think that’s a bad thing either, but it’s just the way he expects it to rest on you that’s a little…antiquated.” He chuckled and you nodded.

“Right, like don’t tell it to me like it’s my job because I’m a female. That’s where it really upset me. Like if you have a life together and you share a home and have a family it’s both of yours to look after!”

“I agree.” He chuckled, “You know, I still don’t know how to change a tire.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“I don’t think you’ll ever need to know anyway.” You teased and he sniggered. He repositioned himself so that he was facing you now and you glanced over at him. “What?” You questioned and he smiled.

“I’m really happy that you’re here.” He said softly.

“Me too.” You assured and then he pulled you into his arms and hugged you tight. He sighed in relief as he rested his cheek over the top of your head. As you exhaled your body melted into his even more until he just left himself fall back against the arm of the couch.

“You know, when we were together, I genuinely thought you were the best person I’d ever met. And like even now, it’s like you’re still the same person but just elevated, if that makes sense?” He asked and you hummed, “I want to experience you as you are now. I really love what I’ve seen. Your self control, your patience, and your self awareness, I really enjoy seeing you this way. I think when we were younger you kind of…looked to me a lot to gauge how you should feel about things…like not that you were just agreeing with me, but that my views and perception of things mattered a lot and influenced yours a lot.” He explained and you hummed.

“Yeah, that’s very true. I think you just had so much more experience in the world and I agreed with mostly everything you cared about and so I definitely tried to learn things from you and let those things influence me a lot.”

“Well not anymore…” he smiled, “I mean, I think values-wise we’ll always be on the same page, but now you’ve grown into it on your own. Like, you took all this time to just look after yourself and understand yourself and I’m just so proud of who you’ve become. And I want to…get to that point. I want to get to a point where you are proud of me.” He said.

“Oh, I am!” You said as you set up and turned to face him again, “I think you’ve come such a long way, H. And I think you know who you are now and it’s so refreshing to see it. I think you’ve overcome your need to people please and also your fear of what people think of you and what you do. Before, the way you were perceived was almost the most important thing to you.”

“Yeah.” He agreed.

“Like over the last couple years, seeing you out and about with your friends, your partners, or whatever it be, I mean, I love it! You’ve started choosing the things and people that make you happy regardless of what other people think and I love that for you so, so much. I’ve just always wanted for you to feel happy with yourself.” You said as you reached for and then squeezed his hand in yours. He glanced down at it and smiled.

“I do, I really do.” He assured you. “You know, I just can’t help but get excited when I think about how things will be with us when we try again. It’s going to be so good…we’ve both grown up so much and really taken care of ourselves. I think I might have a bit of catching up to do with you…” he chuckled, “But I’m going to work hard at it for myself and for us too.” He said and you smiled.

“Well just know that I’ve loved every version of you so far because you’ve always been good to me. But it’s really important to me that you feel happy with yourself and clearly that’s something you’re getting more and more in tune with and it’s very beautiful to witness.” You said.

“Ummm, thank you.” He said with a timid smile as you ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“Yeah, of course.” You replied. And before anything more could happen Caitlyn came out of the bedroom and let out an exasperated sigh. “Is everything alright?” You asked her as you both watched her come around.

“A writing session got moved up for a show I’m working on and I’ll need to be back in LA tomorrow afternoon.” She groaned as she plopped down on the couch. “I found a flight, a red eye though.” She said and you hummed.

“Well I’ll go back too, don’t want to be here by myself.” You said and she nodded.

“OK, let me get them then.”

“OK, I’ll Zelle you right now, just let me know how much they are.” You said and she nodded.

“We need to pack.”

“Yeah…” you sighed.

“You guys can go if you want. Please don’t feel obligated to hang around here.” Harry said.

“What if we help you finish your packing and then you can come with us and we can pack while we have dinner and then you go from there?” Caitlyn suggested.

“Ummm yeah, I’d love that actually.” He said.

“Settled then.” You smiled at him and he returned a brighter smile, “Let’s do it!” You said and he guided you guys to the bedroom and got his things together.

He only had a carry on as he was only there for a few days so this didn’t take too long. You guys ordered an Uber while Harry checked out and then you all headed back to your hotel. Caitlyn did her own packing as she didn’t want Harry seeing her intimates and such, so he stuck to helping you. Not that he had seen any of your new stuff, but at least he’d been in that position before. Since you guys were going to be there for a week total you guys unpacked your things into the dressers and closet, so currently all your things were laid out on the floor while Caitlyn’s were on the large bed you had shared over the last several days.

“So you guys shared?” Harry asked as he folded up some of your jeans.

“Yep. Though I don’t think we will ever again-”

“Oh my god…I shoved you one night.” Caitlyn said as you started to laugh and Harry did too.

“One night’s enough trauma.” You said and she scoffed.

“Do you kick?” Harry asked.

“No, I think I maybe had a very vivid dream because I’m usually a very still.” She explained, “Though you are a cuddler. Maybe I was trying to get away from you.” She said to you and you giggled.

“Maybe…it’s just when I sleep in unfamiliar spaces.” You explained and Harry smiled at you.

“Still? With how much you’re on the road for tours and shit?” He asked and you shrugged, “S’cute.” He assured you softly as he continued folding one of your tops.

“It’s not.” Caitlyn said to you with a grin and you just stuck your tongue out at her and she chuckled.

After a bit you guys ordered in some grilled cheese sandwiches because it’s just a lovely comfort food. With Harry there and some stimulating conversation you guys finished packing quite fast, but now you had to go down to reception and sort out the early check out. Harry offered to go with you but you assured him it was fine, you didn’t want him to get flocked in the lobby and then you hurried out promising to be back soon.

“So…what’s up with you two?” Caitlyn asked Harry when you left.

“She wants me to stay single for a while and properly move past this. I mean, she’s right of course, but it’s just something I struggle with.” He admitted, “But she said I can count on her if I need anything.” He said of you.

“Yeah, of course. And me too! You have so many friends out in LA who would more than gladly lend an ear since we don’t see you as much anymore.” She explained and he smiled.

“Well thank you. I will definitely take advantage of that. And like…I do want to work on myself a bit more…maybe I can head out there for a bit and get some face time with my therapist. We talk on the phone or do virtual stuff sometimes, but I think I could use some in person intensive work. We haven’t spoken in maybe…close to a year.” He explained with a chuckle.

“Well yeah, if it’ll be beneficial to you, do it.” She encouraged him.

“Ummm, I hate to do this to you but ummm…I saw Y/N texting someone quite a bit while we were down here…is she seeing someone?” He asked, “Or maybe I should just ask her…yeah, I’ll just ask her.” He said instead and Caitlyn chuckled.

“Alright.” She smiled. Shortly after you came back into the room and told Caitlyn everything was good to go for your earlier departure. “Excellent.” She said to you, “Well, now that we’re all packed I’m going to smoke my joint on the balcony, I want this to be the greatest grilled cheese I’ve eaten in a long time.” She said as she stood from the bed and stretched. “Do you guys want some?” She asked glancing to them and then giving Harry a knowing glance.

“No, I’m alright.” Harry said.

“Same.” You assured her and she smiled and then made her way out of the bedroom and into the common area of your shared suite and after a few moments you guys heard the door shut behind her.

“You still don’t smoke?”

“I’ve tried, I just can’t. It burns so bad.” You grimaced and he chuckled.

“S’not good for us anyway…” he said and you nodded, “Ummm…can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.” You nodded and waited for him to speak up expectantly.

“That umm…the guy you keep texting? Are you- is he-”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” you said to him right away, “Well…we are…ummm, hooking up, but he’s just a friend.” You explained and he nodded.

“Oh okay. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t like…coming on so strong just for you to be…taken again.”

“I’m not the one who moves lightening fast here…” you teased and he chuckled and bit down on his lip to suppress the laughter he wanted to let out, “Come on…you know it was funny.” You pressed as you giggled.

“Yeah, real fucking funny.” He grinned and you chuckled as you stood up from the floor, “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just up here. I wanna pick a really funny movie because I really like it when she gets all giggly.” You explained to Harry and he laughed as he also pushed himself up off the ground and joined you on the large king bed. You glanced down at the remote with about a bajillion buttons and scoffed as you tried to find the one that would bring up the list of the scheduled programming.

“Need some help?”

“I can do it.” You assured as you pressed yet another wrong button, “Doesn’t it usually say guide?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah? Does it not?”

“No…” you hummed, “Here.” You said handing it over and he scanned over his options before just trying “menu” and hoping that would take him somewhere useful but nothing happened, “I think we’re on the menu page.” You said to him and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Should we call the front desk?”

“Oh no, that’s humiliating. I think we can just press every button until we find it.” You sniggered and he handed it back over.

“You do it then.”

“Gladly.” You hummed and started going button by button, after a few tries you gasped and you got it. “Oh! Hooray!” You exclaimed and he just watched you light up at such a tiny thing and it made his heart flutter at just how cute you were. That’s one thing he missed so much about you. You made such a big fuss over things, truly anything was an excuse to celebrate and be joyful. He missed being around that, there truly wasn’t a victory too small for you. Harry studied your face as you looked through the channels listed on the screen. “You’re staring.” You smiled without peeling your eyes from the screen.

“I know.” He responded and you glanced over to him to find him just admiring you. “You’re just so breathtaking.” he said softly. It made your heart flutter and for your tummy to feel all tingly as his gaze raked down your face and then landed on your lips. You had to look away because you swore your throat was closing up from how nervous you were. But when his hand landed under your jaw and angled you back up to look into his eyes you swallowed thickly.

“Har…” you whispered and squeezed your eyes shut.

“No, baby. Look at me. Please.” He insisted and you blinked your eyes open to look at him again with a racing pulse as he inched closer to you. Your noses touched and you lingered near each other nervously, eyes flickering between each others as your lips skimmed together as your breaths started getting heavier. Both of you were hoping one of you would be brave enough to bite the bullet or to just break it off. But preferably to follow through with the kiss.

“Fuck it.” You whispered before surging up to properly connect your lips. The first kiss was just a quick one, a tester almost since you both just looked at each other for a moment.

“One more.” He mumbled and you nodded before he leaned back in and held your neck gently as he kissed you deeper this time. But that kiss inevitably became a string of smiley pecks as you two tried to pull away. “Just one more then.” He smiled and you laughed a bit as he kissed over your top lip and then your bottom lip before he pulled back and your eyes met again. They were both sparkling with need and before you knew it your arms were around his neck and he was settling himself over you as your head sank into the fluffy pillow beneath you . Harry’s warm smooth lips moved in a perfectly synchronized and familiar dance with your own as you kissed ardently.

You moaned as he rolled you onto your sides and his arm draped over your hip and then slid under your shirt. His fingers tickled up your bare back before his hand flattened right beneath the band of your bra and pushed you closer to him. His thigh was trapped between your legs, allowing just a bit of friction for you. Your tongues slid together before he sucked on your bottom lip and then went back in to kiss you properly. Just as things were about to get a bit more heated you heard some heavy knocks on the door along with the room service call.

“Mmm…need to get the food.” You mumbled against his mouth.

“In a second.” He hummed before licking into you again and you shuddered and moaned into his mouth at his intensity and fell back into the languid kiss. You were buzzing with excitement as he started to peck your lips a few times before slowly retreating until finally, you were both just panting heavily as you regained your breaths. “Okay, go.” He hummed softly with a smile.

“One more.” You whispered to him and he grinned and grabbed your face before pecking over your lips several times until you were both giggling through it, no amount of kisses were enough for either of you.

“Just leave or I won’t be able to stop.” He mumbled and you laughed, tossing your head back which caused him to kiss your chin. When you straightened up again he ran his thumb down your smile line, “Mmmm, I’ve missed your laugh. And your lips, and how you taste, and how you kiss me…” he muttered between gentle smooches. “It’s just not like this with anyone else.” He mumbled and you pressed your forehead against his.

“It’s really not.” You agreed, “Okay, let me get the food. And Caitlyn.” You said and he nodded before kissing the tip of your nose and letting you go. You rolled out of the bed and then hurried to get the door to wheel in your tray of food and then you went to grab Caitlyn who was already quite stoned. “Come to bed, we’re gonna watch a movie or something.”

“Kay.” She mumbled and followed you into the bedroom as you pushed the little cart in.

Harry rolled out of the bed and grabbed his sandwich before hopping back on and then you grabbed yours and got on the bed next. Caitlyn stayed standing as she picked at the fries on her plate.

“Get on.” You giggled and she sniggered.

“Oh right, right…” she hummed and got in behind you. “What’re we watching?” She asked as she leaned against the headboard.

“Oh, we’re watching Derry Girls. This thing has Netflix.” Harry said as he searched it up.

“How convenient that you know how it works now.” You said to him as he pointed the remote at the TV.

“Oh no, I just pressed something by mistake as I adjusted myself a bit.” He chuckled, “Well m-my position! I adjusted my position.” He clarified quickly for Caitlyn’s sake.

“Oh please, I only left to give you guys a moment. The sexual tension is suffocating.” Caitlyn said before biting into her sandwich and then moaning in delight at the perfectly crisp bread and then the gooey, warm cheese. “What you two have is what I have with this sandwich right now…fuck, that’s perfect…” she sighed happily. And you just giggled as you glanced to Harry and shrugged and he smiled and then you all started eating as the show started up.

The time for Harry to go came very swiftly and before you knew it, you and Caitlyn were getting in the elevator to walk him out to meet his driver. You all chatted a bit during the ride down and finally you were heading out to the lobby.

“Ummm Cait can you be a look out for a minute?” Harry asked her and she smiled and nodded as she reached for his suitcase and Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into the stairwell. “I just wanted to hold you for a little bit.” He said and you smiled and hugged him tight and he sighed and squeezed you.

“You’re gonna be a alright, H.” You assured him, “And if at any point you’re not, I’m here for you. Always.” You assured him and you felt him nod in understanding. “I love you. So, so much.” You reminded him.

“I love you too.” He whispered back. After a few more moments you pulled back and tiptoed before you grabbed his face gently in your hands and smiled as you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“One for the road.” You hummed and he smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” You assured him and then you grabbed his hand and led him back out by the elevators.

“That was quick.” Caitlyn smirked and you both rolled your eyes at her as she giggled.

“You’re a menace.” Harry said as he grabbed his bag from her hands.

“I know.” She giggled.

“Come on. Can’t keep the driver waiting.” You said and then you guys headed out.

The night was still warm and Harry greeted his driver before getting his bag in the car. There were a few people lingering outside who were now watching the three of you considering Harry was a hard person to miss, his energy alone commanded people’s attention.

“Well thank you both for including me today. I had a lot of fun and I missed being with you guys.” He smiled.

“I’m glad you had a good time.”, “Of course, H.” You and Caitlyn ensured.

“A group hug is in order, I think.” He said and you both smiled and huddled around him.

“Don’t be a stranger.” Caitlyn hummed as you guys pulled apart.

“I won’t.” He assured with a smile before hugging her and then he hugged you. He held you a bit longer than Caitlyn before he released you.

“Let me know when you land and make it home safe. Okay?” You smiled up at him as you rubbed his arm sweetly and he nodded before hopping in the car. You guys waved him off and then headed back up to your suite.

“You know you’re gonna go way more viral now…” Caitlyn said and you sighed.

“No, I think people will say he cheated on Taylor with me and wreak havoc on me.” You said, realistically.

“Well, he kinda did…” Caitlyn said through a chuckle.

“Oh, shut it.” You quipped and she laughed. “Fuck…he did though.”

“It was a kiss.”

“A kiss she doesn’t know about.” Caitlyn reminded and you nibbled on your bottom lip as you rode back up to your floor.

“Maybe asking him to join us was a mistake? I mean…he looked far too happy for just being broken up with.”

“Friend, he hadn’t been happyfor a while now and it was all to do with the path his relationship was going down. Not you.” She said emphatically, “You both kept your end of the bargain by keeping your distance and seeing what would happen in the future. It was just hard for Taylor to live with the information that he still loves you. Do you think he’s polyamorous?” She asked you.

“I don’t know…maybe?” You shrugged.

“I mean, at least when we spoke about his predicament that’s what it sounded like to me. That he loved you but that he also loved Taylor and he wanted to try and keep his feelings for you “on pause” somehow to work on his relationship with her.” She explained and you hummed. “But I think to her it was hard to come to terms that he was in love with you while simultaneously being in love with her. And I told him that it just doesn’t work for some people, they don’t see how love can be expansive like that in a committed relationship. My first ever girlfriend in college, Jen, was poly. And I thought I was okay with it, she said she could be monogamous, just her feelings continued to exist for others. She had this friend though that she loved too, it was just so obvious how they felt for each other and it sucked. It started to affect how I felt in that relationship. She never crossed a line and neither did he, but I just felt really insecure in it. I understand it so much better now, I mean I was only 19 when I dated her. But I fully understand why for Taylor it was just not possible to move forward with Harry if this is her first time in a situation like this.” She explained and you nodded. “And I mean, I think that you also need to figure out if that’s something you can live with if he is.” She said.

“Right…”

“Like I get that you guys are like each other’s person, but that doesn’t mean he can’t meet and love someone else along the way, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s true…I mean, just seeing how he was trying to accommodate things to support Taylor’s needs gives me a sense of peace. But I mean, we should definitely have a conversation about what this might look like for him in the future whenever we get back to a stage where we’ll have a relationship.”

“I agree.” Caitlyn said.

Overall, you felt good about where you were now to be back in touch with Harry if he needed you at any point. You were also extremely proud of yourself for the way you handled the situation about your future together. Of course, you would run into his arms at a moment’s notice, but he was sad and he needed to grieve the wonderful person he had lost. He did love Taylor, at least enough to put all of his effort into making up for breaking her trust. It had just happened and you really wanted to give him time to sit with the situation and work through the hard feelings you knew would come soon.

As soon as you guys landed early the next morning you, Harry, and Caitlyn were plastered all over social media per a call from your manager. She sent you a link and you looked and sure enough there were photos and videos of you three talking and skipping through central park, looking like you were having the best day of your lives. You showed Caitlyn who just mumbled a low “it is what it is” and you bit your lip.

JENNY L:

And there’s also this one…

You saw her next text and then clicked on the linked article and when it loaded you couldn’t help but snort out a laugh as you read the obscenely cheesy title of the gossip article: “STYLES CHOOSES TO SKIP OUT ON TAYLOR!” It was staring at you in big, bold red font. But your stomach twisted a bit in anxiety as you scrolled down the article recounting what witnesses had said to the tabloid. There were quotes in the same bold font saying how you guys seemed really “happy”, “cozy”, and “familiar with each other.” And of course there was a short clip of him whispering into your ear while you hugged and gently scratched at his back at the coffee shop. Also of you glancing up at him and the both of you smiling when you joked with him about having visible boogies… you smiled at the memory but you knew that what would surely come next when the both of you gave no real explanation to this. Towards the bottom of it there was one more photo, one of the only ones ever taken of you two a couple years into your relationship. You guys had been walking back to his house in London after having some lunch. It explained how it seemed that you guys had been familiar at some point and maybe you’d lost touch but were back in touch after the MET.

JENNY L:

I already have a few reporters reaching out for commentary. Please tell me you guys didn’t do something bad…

Y/N:

No, don’t worry about this. Taylor actually broke up with him after a MET after party. There was an incident, I’ll call and explain when I get home. We’re in the car service right now on our way back from LAX.

JENNY L:

For sure.

Y/N:

I’ll also call Harry and see what his team is going to do.

JENNY L:

For now don’t. I’ll get in touch with Jeffrey and Tommy. I know they’ll want to isolate him from this as much as possible. I’ll be standing by for your phone call.

Y/N:

Sounds good. Talk soon!

Jenny “hearted” your message and you guys drove off to your place in silence. Caitlyn had left her car at your place and since Sebastian and you had broken up she decided to keep some things at your place for impromptu sleep overs. So as soon as you got in she went to get some more sleep in the guest bedroom while you called Jenny and explained what had happened the night before. It hadn’t been anything bad, but you then explained what Caitlyn had shared about how Harry and Taylor were struggling with getting back on track after he admitted he had feelings for you.

“…so yeah, there wasn’t anything fishy per se apart from that. We actually hadn’t even spoken since we saw each other last year. Taylor never attempted to contact me or anything either, we don’t even know each other. Just that little run-in in the bathroom which no one saw.” You shared with Jenny, “So uh, no connections there either.”

“Okay, sounds good. Already the fans are labeling you a home wrecker, they really liked them together.”

“Yeah, I was expecting that.” You sighed.

“Oh, Jeffrey just texted me!” Jenny said and opened it up, “Okay he said that Harry wants to clarify that you have been close friends since you were 19 years old but that he’s not all that sure that they should do that because you guys having a history could mean more of a logical framework for any theories of cheating.”

“Yeah, like we were so close that it eventually led to that…” you said, “I mean we could just both go no comment. I know we didn’t do anything wrong so… ”

“Yeah, I agree. I guess Harry doesn’t want to “hide you from his life” is what Jeff just said.” She shared and you bit your lip.

“I think I need to talk to Harry ,this is something he feels like he might owe me for. When we dated, I mean, you know…we were both so worried about the public ruining it for us. He did tell me that he felt bad that he let his fear of what others might think get in the way of us living our lives. And that it sometimes felt like we never happened because everything was so hidden. He said he wished that everyone could’ve seen how happy we make each other. He could be wanting to make up for that…”

“Mmmm, okay. Let me tell Jeffrey to get him on the line, we can do a group call or FaceTime?”

“Yeah, that’s alright.” You assured her.

“Okay I’ll call you back.”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later a call was coming in with the three of them and Jenny, and you guys started to discuss. Tommy said that he had tried to get in touch with Taylor’s team but she didn’t want to weigh in on anything as she was still dealing with the decision to break up with him. Harry understood that, so they weren’t going to get a confirmation from her any time soon that she had ended the relationship.

“H, I completely understand why you want to release that statement but I think it’ll only perpetuate the idea that we were doing things behind her back.”

“I just don’t want to hide that you make me happy anymore.” He sighed.

“We’re not, I mean the pictures are everywhere.” You said with a small smile, “People can see it but we don’t owe them any explanations about it. I don’t think we should address speculations.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He finally agreed and everyone looked relieved.

“I think if we gradually increase your time together it might make it look more natural?” Tommy suggested.

“What about private photos? What if we have an “iCloud leak”-”

“Absolutely not.” Harry cut Jenny off.

“Well Harry, that might establish what you want without having to say anything.” Jeffrey explained.

“We could choose what we release. Just things from birthdays or shows, parties…” you suggested, “We could show them this is nothing new, that we were always like this.” You smiled.

“Okay, fine…I mean, even Caitlyn has some stuff on her instagram from years ago…I was…looking.” He said and you smiled. “Oh shut it…” he chuckled as you all laughed.

“She’s on private though…always has been.” You reminded and he hummed.

“What if she’s the one that gets “hacked”. People are starting to look into who she is as well. I already saw one article that identified that she’s a screenwriter, I’m sure more people will be trying to see how she’s linked.” Jeffrey chimed in.

“I’ll have to ask her…I don’t want her to give up her privacy for us.” You said and Harry agreed.

“Well I think that would be the best case if she gives us access to her instagram and iCloud. But if not, then we just do the iCloud leak from one of your accounts.” Jeffrey decided. “Start looking through your pictures guys.”

You guys agreed on this strategy and you agreed you’d ask Caitlyn when she woke up. Of course, your best friend listened with an open mind and wasn’t even reluctant to agree and help you guys out. She knew that you guys had messed up when you saw each other that first time, but your commitment to let each other try and live your own lives really showed her that you guys regretted betraying your partners, so of course she wanted to help you both now. When she checked her instagram there were already tons of DM’s and follow requests waiting for her. She wasn’t even verified, she really just used this for personal things, so it would be understandable if she got hacked now that she was connected to you and Harry. Over the next few days your teams figured out the logistics of this plan and Caitlyn shared with you and Harry any pictures that she had of you guys on her iCloud and then a few weeks later the “leak” happened.

Screenshots of Caitlyn's grid were taken and leaked on twitter from years back and it worked. People were immediately finding what you guys wanted them to find. Then two days later the “iCloud leak” happened. With this stunt, a solid timeline of your and Caitlyn’s friendship with Harry was established. There weren’t too many photos but the ones that fans were circulating the most were the ones of you two with Harry while he was still in the band. Of you guys at Caitlyn’s 25th birthday party with you and Harry kissing her cheek on either side. There was a video of you and Harry doing karaoke, a couple of pictures and a video of Caitlyn and Harry at your first big, sold out show in London. And finally one of him painting your nails with a prototype of what fans soon discovered was now the Pleasing polish “inky pearl”. It had to appear as though “the hacker” had intentionally dug through years of things to find this specific content. And once those were out into the world the tune changed and people thought it was cute that you guys had been friends for that long. People were saying that you guys appeared to be really into each other even back then and that you would make a cute couple.

Naturally, that started shifting the narrative into “maybe Harry dumped Taylor and was just out with his old friends to cheer up a bit”, which was mostly right. But once that became the main rumor an anonymous source leaked to a few gossip news outlets that Taylor had actually been the one to dump Harry the night of the MET. Obviously, Harry and Tommy had been in on that with her representatives because they didn’t want her looking like the chump when she had been the one that did the dumping. And once that came out the internet went wild and people were overwhelmed with the knowledge that his old friends truly were comforting him after a break up and that Taylor had dumped Harry because they were “growing apart”.

You were fine, but having that all out there in print is what really seemed to make it real for Harry and he started to disappear a bit. You knew he needed space and time to process and heal, so you gave it. You didn’t want to bug him or make him feel pressured, so you assured him that he didn’t have to talk to you if he wasn’t in the mood. But if he didn’t mind, you’d just check in every few days, say hi, send some encouragements and he agreed to that. It was all very one sided as the months inched by and boy, did you miss him, but he really needed to get through this on his own terms.

…. August 2024 ….

Harry’s POV:

When Taylor returned to London in early June to pick up her things from his place it was extremely bittersweet for him to see how she looked so much lighter in terms of her mood and persona as a whole. She didn’t look tired or stressed how she had towards the end of their relationship. She looked more like herself and even sounded like herself, all bubbly and optimistic about things. It made him feel really happy for her, but it also made him sad, knowing that he contributed to her unhappiness. Knowing that he had hurt her enough to dull the gorgeous and bright person that she had been before. The person that he had fallen in love with. He even tried to kiss her when she was leaving and nearly died of embarrassment when she rejected him, but he understood.

He and Tommy did share the PR plan you guys made and assured her that you were cautious in trying to keep her out of it as much as possible. But he heard from her again when the public brought her into the picture and she wanted to set the record straight and he agreed that she should, he didn’t mind it. But once all of it felt resolved he just crashed.

He stopped talking to you around the second week of June because he just didn’t have the energy. But you had been kind and checked in, assuring him he didn’t need to answer, but you just wanted to encourage him a bit. It meant the world to him that you understood to keep doing that, but still giving him the space he needed to get through this. For months now he had allowed himself to feel it, like you told him he needed to do. And god, it hurt…it hurt so much, but it was relieving to have felt it all. The sadness had faded seemingly very suddenly, he just woke up one day and didn’t feel hopeless. He missed you though, he wanted to see you so badly but he had no idea when too soon was “too soon”.

Y/N:

This popped up on my pinterest feed! IT’S YOU! Lololol. I laughed so hard and it’s so, so cute. I hope today is better 💛

Harry’s head knocked back as he laughed at the little image on his screen. It really was him and the fact that even the text said “Feel it all” was extremely fateful. He smiled and “hearted” the message before setting his phone down on the counter and turned to go make himself some coffee. Seconds later he came back and unlocked his phone and texted his assistant to book him a one-way ticket to LA for next week.

****************

Y/N POV:

Your summer had been very nice so far. You genuinely were not worried about Harry in the slightest, you knew that healing took time and he knew well that you’d be waiting whenever he was ready. After seeing the way things worked out after the MET, you had a restored sense of hope in fate and the universe, so you let it be. For the time being you were having a lot of fun in the studio working on some new things. You were also spending a lot of time with friends and with Ricky too. You guys were just enjoying what you had going on. It wasn’t a routine at all, your hookups were sporadic and spontaneous, like now…

“Oh fuck yes, right there!” You mewled as his long fingers prodded into your g-spot as his thumb glided over your clit over and over at the perfect pace.

“Shhh…” he chuckled as he looked around briefly. You were in a hidden little nook at the studio. Everyone had gone for lunch but someone could always come in at any moment. “Look so fucking pretty today. You wore it for me, didn’t you?” He mumbled against your lips and you smiled.

“F'ourse.” You panted and then inhaled sharply as your walls fluttered around his fingers as your orgasm neared. It always took longer for you to come standing, so you’d been there a while. “I’m getting close…fuck, faster!” You implored and he listened and started pumping his fingers faster until your legs were trembling. Your head knocked back against the wall and you huffed out a laugh at the thud, but it wasn’t enough to deter you from coming.

“Come for me, Y/N.”

“Yeah, jus’don’t stop…don’t stop…oh my god, I’m coming!” Your moan broke through your throat and he brought his other hand over your mouth to mute your sounds. Your arms hugged around him to keep yourself upright as your knees went weak and shook at the waves of pleasure coursing through you. Your walls were pulsing rapidly around his fingers as you rode it out. He removed his hand from your mouth as you started panting and wrapped it around your waist while his fingers continued fucking into you slowly to help you ease off of your climax. You angled up and kissed his lips before smiling giddily, your eyes all sparkly and heavy with lust.

“Y’good now?” He asked with a grin after a minute or two and you nodded.

“Yeah.” You confirmed and he let go of you and pulled out his fingers before sucking them clean.

He tugged your skirt back down to where it was before your little romp session. Your lips met eagerly for several moments, smearing together and connecting fervently. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t return the favor now, there wasn’t time. So you kissed him to show your gratitude for his immediate attention to your obvious need.

“So after the afternoon session do you want t-” you paused when you thought you heard a door close.

“What’s-”

“Shhh.” You shushed him quickly and he froze as you definitely heard some movement in the control room.

“Maybe they’re just grabbing something?” He whispered and you both stayed quiet trying to hear anything else, whoever it was wasn’t leaving.

“Where’s my underwear?” You asked him and he patted at his pocket and then glanced around to find that they had not stayed in his pocket.

“I think they fell out of my pocket in the live room somewhere.” He said and you groaned quietly. He peeked out a bit and saw them near the large amp you’d been sitting on before you moved into this little nook. “They fell out near the amp.” He said regretfully and you swore your brain melted from how embarrassed you were. If anyone walked into the live room they would surely see them. And then the worst thing that could happen did, you both heard the soft creak of the door to the live room opening.

“Shit!” You whispered and decided to just get out there. Maybe you could grab them before they even noticed and hurry out to the bathroom and Ricky would just stay hidden until the coast was clear. “OK, I’m gonna grab them. Just stay until I come get you.” You whispered and he nodded. You exhaled shakily and then stepped out of your little corner only see Harry Styles himself stop as he approached the piano bench, thankfully on the other side of the room. He smiled wide as soon as he saw you.

“Surprise!” He exclaimed through a chuckle and you reared back a bit, at least to kick your panties behind the amp so he wouldn’t see them on the floor. “Why are you backing away, come here!” He chuckled and you glanced down quickly to see they were hidden enough before hurrying over to him.

“W-what’re you doing here?” You asked him with a smile as he sighed and hugged around you and then squeezed a bit tighter. You were completely flustered now and distracted and he could feel the weirdness you were exuding as you cut your hug short.

“I just wanted to surprise you.” He explained and you nodded.

“That’s really sweet of you.” You said and he chuckled as he took you in for a moment.

“Are you OK?” He asked and you nodded quickly.

“Of course!”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know I kind of just showed up but I was expecting a little more enthusiasm form you after not seeing each other for months.” He chuckled and then the next worst thing happened, Ricky’s phone started ringing. Of course he had to have Patrick Star saying “Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee” as his ringtone. Your face fell into your hands in absolute mortification as Harry burst into laughter at the very random interruption, “Is that your ringtone?” He gasped through his laugh and you shook your head, still hiding your face in your hands. “Oh. Then…” he sighed and you glanced up at him, “Oh…” he said more quietly and you exhaled.

“Ummm, Ricky it’s fine. It’s Harry.” You said and he stepped out from the little hidden corner seconds later. He looked between you and Harry with painfully embarrassed smile. But he inhaled sharply and pushed the feelings aside.

“Hello Harry, I’m Ricky.” He said extending his hand out and you winced.

“Mmmm, maybe don’t do that right now.” You said softly and he glanced down at his hand and then pulled it back once he realized that he had just used that same hand to finger fuck you.

“Right, ummm…”

“Just, come here.” You said as you went behind him and gabbed his arms to corral him out of the studio and to the bathrooms. “And you, stay here please.” You called back at Harry who just nodded, still quite shocked at what he’d walked into and moments later you had emerged into the hall and exhaled shakily.

“Oh god, that was bad! That was so bad!” He panted nervously.

“I know! Fuck…”

“Did you get your underwear.”

“No! He was already in there, I just kicked them behind the amp.” You explained. “Look, I ummm, I think I need to talk to him alone for a little. Just go wash up and let everyone know to take another thirty or so?”

“Yeah, OK.” He nodded and then chuckled, “I’m sorry to put you in this position.”

“It’s fine, I was the one that was too impatient to wait until after.” You reminded and he chuckled.

“True…” he mused with a grin, “Ummm, well you go deal with that and I’ll go stall everyone a little.”

“Thank you.” You breathed out and then inhaled slowly.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. OK?” He smiled and you nodded with your bottom lip bitten beneath your front teeth out of nerves, you needed to take it out on something, “Go on.” He insisted and you turned around and headed back into the studio. When you entered the control room and looked out the large window into the live room Harry glanced back at you from his seat on the piano bench. You headed back in a bit timidly and he smiled at you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah! Sorry about that, it just…happened.” You explained bashfully and he nodded.

“Yeah, I get that.” He smiled, “S’good to put a face to the name.”

“Oh yeah…” you hummed and shook your head again. Harry chuckled and reached for your hand before hesitating.

“Is your hand clean?” He asked before grabbing it and you chuckled but nodded. “OK.” He hummed and stood before grabbing both of your hands and running his thumbs over your knuckles. “I’m fine.” He assured you, “Well…maybe fuming inside…just a little…” he confessed.

“Don’t worry, it was just that, not sex, m’not that crazy.”

“And I wonder whose idea that was, you little exhibitionist.” You teased and you shook your head as you giggled.

“Either way, ummm I am happy you’re here.” You said, “So can we have a do over?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Of course.” He said and released your hands before wrapping them around your shoulders and pulling you in. You hugged around him and leaned into him.

“I’m really happy to see you. Missed you.”

“Me too.”

“So what made you come out here?” You asked and he pulled back a bit, his hands grabbed your face gently.

“The froggy picture.” He admitted and you laughed and he bit his lip as he watched you laugh. You were so pretty, he was glad he saved seeing you again for the first time for this face to face encounter.

“When I saw that little cardigan on him I just about died.” You recalled, giggled at the memory. “It’s so cute.”

“Yeah, it was cute.” He agreed, “You look so pretty today.” He complimented.

“Thanks. You too.” You hummed and he chuckled.

“Mmm…particularly like you in this skirt. Though it is a bit skimpy…” he pointed out and you smiled.

“Yeah, s’quite short.” You agreed.

“Then you might be…” he reached down and hooked on his index finger was your underwear, “needing these back.” He hummed and you felt your face heating in embarrassment as you glanced over to them and then to him. He was smirking and you reached for them and he raised them out of your reach. “Mmm…just a little higher, love.”

“If I reach any higher my ass will show.” You laughed and he did as well.

“So unprofessional…” he mumbled and you rolled your eyes before looking deep into his eyes pleadingly.

“Please.” You insisted, “Would love it if I didn’t flash anyone at work today.” You said and he chuckled and lowered them so that you could reach for them but then pulled them away from you.

“May I?” He asked and you bit your lip. He smirked at your response, “I’ll take that as a yes.” He hummed and stepped forwards, effectively backing you up until you bumped into the piano, the higher keys at the end clanked discordantly as your weight pressed them down and your gazes met as you both sniggered in amusement at the happy little accident. The sound seemed to reverberate forever, that’s how tense it was between you two. He crouched down and spread them out for you, allowing you to step into them as he stood and pulled them up your legs and finally over your center. He really tried his best not to look or lean in when he got them up to your pussy. He knew you were wet, but it was not from what he had walked in on, it was all for him. It probably had been all along, he didn’t want to assume, but he hoped. He really hoped. “There you are.” He hummed as his fingers fixed the straps along your hips, tugging on them a bit to straighten them out.

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“Of course.” He smiled as he fixed your skirt again and placed his hands on your hips. You suddenly smiled even wider and he giggled, “What’s that cute little smile about, then?”

“Nothing. Just thinking that you’ve never… I don’t think you’ve ever done that before?” You shrugged.

“Mmm…surely I have.” He mused, his face scrunching a bit in thought, “Or not…maybe not…” he decided a few seconds later. “I’m glad I was clever enough to pull it off.”

“Oh yeah, that was…a moment.”

“Core memory?” He smirked.

“Oh yeah, core memory.” You smiled and just hugged him again and he hummed happily, “You’re staying, right?”

“Yeah, if you want me to.” He mumbled and you pulled back.

“Yeah, of course. Could use some of your expertise. A little Styles sparkle.” You flirted.

“I like that!” He chuckled, “M’stealing it.”

“Okay.” You giggled. “Caitlyn’s friend, Melissa, from the pilates studio? Well she’s my friend too kinda, but more Cait’s. Either way, she’s having a little pool party with cocktails. It’s a casual thing. If you wanna come, I’m sure we’ll end up ordering in.”

“Oh yeah, that sounds nice.” He smiled. “I-is Ricky coming?” He asked.

“Ummm, maybe? If you don’t mind?” He shook his head and you squinted your eyes suspiciously.

“I swear.” He chuckled.

“OK.” You said softly. You let each other go and then grabbed your phone from a music stand a few feet away.

“Have you eaten?” He asked

“Nope.”

“Want to go pick something up together?” He asked and you nodded.

“Sure.” You said and soon you were heading off to the closest thing before heading back to the studio with your food.

It was nice sitting with him while you two ate and talked casually about your music and what you wanted out of it. You were trying to find the words to describe what you wanted this project to be and what you wanted it to evoke. You missed talking to him about this kind of thing. Harry just had a real gift for expressing everything he was trying to express when he made his music. And at the moment, you felt like your vision just wasn’t cohesive, or at least you felt that way.

“…I don’t know, I’m a bit lost on this process, I guess.” You decided finally when you started bouncing between ideas, “I don’t even know why I wanted to do an album anymore…” you confessed with some sadness.

“What initially pushed you to decide?”

“I think seeing you, the weird things with Seb…I mean, I just feel kind of like things have taken a twist I didn’t expect. And I’m just…lost. I feel lost, even though I shouldn’t be. I feel like what I need to do next in life is kinda a no brainer, but-”

“A no brainer to who?” He asked and you shrugged, “Everyone I guess. But I also feel…like…I’m in a glass house.” You said and he hummed, “I feel like everything right now is really fragile right now. With my heart and my head…with this album, I know that it’s been a while so I need t-to deliver, I mean obviously. And then w-with us too.” You explained and he hummed, “I just don’t even know where to start to be honest. And I think…that shows in the music. It’s going to be a big, fat flop.” You chuckled sadly, “I can just feel it. It’s murky…”

“I mean, you always know what I think. At the end of the day you have to like what you produced. And you have to be proud of it. I get that we do this for a living, but it’s also our entire heart and mind in those songs. All the things we’ve dealt with during this time, the joys the sorrows…I mean, that’s what we’re putting out there for everyone to judge and feeling like it doesn’t make sense anymore can be scary. But honestly, things don’t make sense for a lot people out there, and hearing that just might help them feel not so shitty about it.” He said and you hummed.

“Is it crazy that I really want to embrace another sound? I don’t even know what it falls under, but I just want it to sound exactly how I hear it in my brain.” You explained, “Like…” you paused and chuckled, “there are lines I wrote while I was like at the grocery store or stuck in traffic, and like I can only hear them in that setting. Like just to show how banal my life is, you know? Like, I want to put in the beep of the check out machine in or staticky radio chatter about the heat wave, my alarm going off in the morning, the chirp of the fire alarm I haven’t changed…I was thinking of maybe putting in some like voice notes between the tracks, like texts with friends, or little things I make to remember what I need to buy at the store. Like I want it to be like a day through my perspective I guess…almost like the music is narrating a routine?” You explained and he nodded and smiled.

“I think that’s really cool.” He said and you bit your lip.

“It’s not too…messy and chaotic?”

“No, it is for sure, the layering is going to be insane.” He said and you chuckled and nodded, “But it’s a cool concept. Like basically if your life was a kind of like a musical.” He said and your eyes widened.

“Exactly.” You sighed and smiled, “Wow…who knew a word for that already existed.” You chuckled and he did as well, “I was struggling for a while there trying to describe what I wanted. Thank you!” You said and he chuckled.

“Happy to help.”

When everyone returned you shared a more clear idea of what it was that you wanted. You wanted things to be a little odd but as real as possible. This helped your producers and sound engineers adjust what they were doing a bit to make editing easier on themselves. At some point Harry was at the help of the control panel, pressing buttons and raising and lowering settings, asking you to go again.

“Hey man, how about in that bit there where she ends the bridge, she does the final chorus in an octave lower and we fade it out from studio into the raw audio. I believe this is one of the songs where the demo is from her voice notes.” Ricky suggested and Harry smiled.

“Yeah actually, that’s sick.” He nodded and then he told you what Ricky was thinking. “He says we can layer them and blend it, so just try the chorus in a lower octave and the rest will be done via editing.” He instructed and gave him a thumbs up before running it again.

After another couple of hours of working, your day was coming to an end. Everyone started cleaning up after themselves and you invited Ricky to Melissa’s place and soon he was heading off and assuring you he’d be there later. Harry was chatting with one of the other sound engineers, Billy, as you looked around the space one final time to ensure you weren’t leaving anything behind for the night.

“I was just telling Harry that now what you were asking of us makes a lot more sense.” Billy said and you chuckled.

“See. I wasn’t crazy!”

“Yeah… it’s gonna be cool, what you’re doing.”

“Thank you. I think so too. I mean, I know I enjoy those kinds of things when I listen to music, so I hope others like it as well.”

“Oh yeah, people are suckers for that.” He smiled, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Billy said to you, “And it was nice to meet you.” He said to Harry, “Will you be joining us again?”

“Ummm…” Harry said as he glanced over to you.

“Well, you’re always welcome. You know that.” You said to him and he smiled.

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and Billy chuckled. You guys exchanged a few more words before Billy headed out.

“So where are you staying?” You asked as you put things into your tote bag.

“Not sure yet. I don’t know how long I’m staying for, so I didn’t want to book a hotel indefinitely, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.” You hummed, “Well if you need a place to crash for a bit I’ve got an extra room. Caitlyn already claimed one room.” You said and he chuckled.

“Of course she has…” he grinned and you smiled, “Well yeah, if it’s no bother. And like, I know that I came for you-”

“That’s what she said.” You slipped in and he laughed and rolled his eyes as you giggled.

“Real funny…now, I know that I came here to see you, but I’d also understand if you didn’t want me in your house.” He chuckled.

“I’d love you in my house.” You said and he smiled.

“Then let’s get going.” He responded and you grinned.

*****************

“Welcome!” You chirped as you opened the back door to let Harry in with his big ass suitcase.

“Thanks.” He chuckled.

“Do you remember where my room is?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well yours is the one right beside it.” You said and he nodded and took off. You put your bag down to wash the tumbler you used for your coffee that morning. And after that you headed off to get changed. When you passed by Harry was just stripping off his pants and you turned away quickly before rushing into your room. You first got your shirt off and then got your make up off. You’d be swimming anyway, so it was pointless to have it on. Once you got done with that you went to pick out a bathing suit which you quickly changed into. You were throwing your skirt back on when Harry announced himself. “What’s up?” You asked and he came over to your closet.

“Nothing, just wondering what was taking you so long.”

“Oh, sorry. I was taking off my makeup. Let me just grab a shirt.” You said and just grabbed the first one within reach and threw it on. You slid your feet into your sandals and then tugged at his shirt as you breezed past him. “Let’s go.”

“Hey…hey, hey, hey come here.” He said reaching around you and stopping you as you giggled.

“What?” You asked him and he just hugged you and released a long exhale. You smiled and rubbed over his back softly, fingers dancing across his shirt as you held him for a little while.

“I’m really happy to be here.” He spoke quietly.

“Oh me too, H. I missed you a lot. It was getting hard not to hear from you.” You spoke softly before tiptoeing and kissing low on his cheek. His lips twitched up in a little smile and you ran your thumb over his bottom lip. He kissed the pad of your thumb a couple times before letting you go and grabbing your face, pulling you in closer to him.

“Can I?” He asked and you nodded quickly.

Just a moment later his lips were pushing and pulling against your own slowly in a deep and emotional kiss. It was nostalgic and magical; your body felt alive and tingly all over. Moreover, the raw emotion of the tension finally bursting was overwhelming in the best way. It felt like you had just jumped into a cool pool on a hot summer’s day. You were so in the moment that you forgot to breathe, so you suddenly pulled back to do so. And his mouth chased after yours, pecking around your lips as you inhaled sharply. When your eyes blinked open and met his, you smiled and his cheeks went all warm and pink. Suddenly you were transported back to the time when you had kissed for the very first time. He was smiling then too, relieved to have kissed you. And you were in mental shambles as you relished in what had just happened. It felt like the beginning again. He started to pull back and you arched up and kissed him again.

“Not yet.” You whispered and he sighed and pulled you closer. His thumbs stroked over your cheeks as your lips met over and over again in soft little pecks in between deep kisses. Your noses nuzzled against each other for a few seconds.

“D’you wanna drive?”

“Yeah, sure.” You smiled and were heading off a few minutes later.

****************

Harry was actually having a nice time at this pool party/dinner thing. He was glad he had come because he needed the distraction. He was afraid of the conversation he was going to have with you about polyamory and how he believed that he fit under this category. He was nervous because of how this had impacted his previous relationship. He had spent the past couple months talking to his therapist every couple of weeks on the phone to help him through the depression and grief of his relationship. His therapist mentioned that a friend of hers is a sex therapist and she asked him if he would be interested in having her come sit in on a few of their sessions and then take the lead for a few about this new discovery he had made about himself and he agreed and he would be meeting her for the first time the following day.

He had also been keeping a keen eye on the interactions between you and Ricky. Ricky and him kept making awkward eye contact and he was acting really relaxed with you. He figured it was because Ricky was a bit intimidated or still feeling weird about him walking in on you guys. Either way, Harry was being more of a spectator for now.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” You asked as you came up to him after emerging from the pool.

“Nothing, just watching everyone. Thinking…”

“About?”

“Me. You. Us…” he said as he made space on the big chaise lounge he was on.

He patted the space beside him and you climbed on, legs crossed as you faced him and you extended your hand out towards his and just grazed your fingers over his own discreetly before pulling away. This little gesture transported Harry back to your fifth date. He remembered it so clearly, you guys had gone out to eat and even though you had a private dinging area, he still wouldn’t hold your hand because he was worried that someone might see and then it would all get out and things would surely go to shit. He remembered because he did that same gesture to you that you’d just done to him. Just a feather of a touch to ease your need and want to be closer to him in that moment.

“Did you feel…invalidated when we were together?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue and you hummed pensively. “Like not seen or maybe…less important than you were to me?”

“Maybe a little bit at the start but it went away quickly. I knew it was because of the band and all those crazy rules they had for you guys.” You said and he nodded, “But after all that ended I was expecting you to change a little bit? Lax up about being together in public and things like that.” You explained, “I didn’t feel like you hid us because I wasn’t good enough for you. I know all that was sort of a deal breaker for you then, so I just went along with it because I mean, I hadn’t dated anyone with your level of fame before. I just figured you knew the best way to deal and go about that.” You shrugged and he hummed.

“What you did just now, touched my hand?” He said and you nodded, urging him to continue, “I did that to you, on our fifth date. You just wanted to hold my hand over the table top at the restaurant.” He chuckled sadly, “And I wouldn’t. Do you remember?”

“Vaguely.”

“We were in some tiny little private dining room…” he reminded you.

“Oh yeah…” you hummed.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“That.” He said and you hummed. “I wish I had been braver. And I feel the same now. I think if I had listened to other people and been more open and braver about the things I think or feel sometimes then maybe I wouldn’t be so carelessly hurtful towards others.”

“You’re not a hurtful person, H. At least not intentionally. You have concerns and fears and doubts like everyone else and sometimes that can affect how you relate to and interact with others. But I mean, you dealt with things the best way you knew how at the time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, good. You did your best to protect what we had and I trusted you and your approach. I don’t hold it against you.” You said and he nodded.

“So just now then, you didn’t do that because you’re like…conditioned to be unaffectionate towards me in public?” He asked and you smiled and shook your head.

“No, it was just a little reassuring thing.”

“Okay.” He smiled, “You can, by the way. I want to hold your hand.” He said as he reached for yours resting flat over your thigh.

“Oh, like right now?”

“Yeah. Can I?” He asked.

“Yeah, if you want to.” You smiled.

“Do you want me to though?”

“Yeah!” You laughed a bit and he smiled and pulled your hand into the small space between your bodies. His fingers intertwined with yours and you smiled up at him.

The one thing that you kept feeling was eager anticipation. You loved Harry at the core of who he was and every part of him that you’d known and experienced over the years. The prospect of getting to know him again, this version of him that you were the most unfamiliar with, it was exciting. Even just being around him you felt in tune, on the same wave length as him. When your gazes met you felt curiosity and interest in understanding what was going on in his brain in a far deeper way than before. You’d happily spend the rest of your days learning about him and loving who he was now and who he would become over time. You smiled to yourself as you thought of him in 10-15 years, with you. Happy, fulfilled, it was making you emotional.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” He asked softly.

“You.” You responded, you didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper, but it did. You were just so in your head now as you gave thought to all of this. To all of him.

“What about me? You seem like you’re about to cry.” He said lowly with a bit of concern.

“They’d be happy tears then.” You assured him and he smiled. “Was just thinking about you, how far you’ve come. Well, the both of us, and how I’m jus so excited t-to get to know you again. And just thinking about the future, like…what we can have. Like…we’re different than…five years ago, you know?”

“Yeah, a little more grown up.” He smiled.

“A lot more grown up.” You chuckled, “And I think it could only get better the older we get.” You said and he smiled.

“It will.” He said decisively, “I’m also excited about getting to know you in a deeper way again.” He said and you smiled as a comfortable silence took over for a minute or so. But then he spoke up again, “Honestly, I don’t think there’s a reality in which I wouldn’t be in love with you.” He confessed with a bashful smile and your gaze softened as it met his own, “I mean that.”

“I know. I feel the same way.” You responded, your heart was pounding so hard you felt it in your throat.

Harry just smiled and let his thumb smooth over your knuckles as you just looked at each other. His eyes flickered between your own, taking in every possible detail. He loved how the sun streaks showed off the pattern of your irises. He loved how you looked back at him with so much adoration. He wanted everything with you. He couldn’t even contain the fluttering feeling in his tummy as he thought about you when you had a baby with him and looked at them the way you were looking at him now. With love, acceptance, pride, and every other good feeling and intention you could muster up.

“I need you to know that we’re making it this time.” He whispered and you nodded.

“Yeah we are.” You whispered back with a smile.

*********************

You were quite nervous as you made it back from the studio the next day. You’d had a great and productive day and you hoped Harry had too. You were feeling a vast range of emotions as you tried to picture where the conversation would end up. Especially after the intimate things you had told each other the evening before. You had even called your mom on your lunch break to just get all the irrational, anxiety inducing things off of your chest. She was excited for the possibility of you and Harry working things out after all this time. She and your father loved how he looked after you and were very supportive of your relationship with him back then and it was no different now, he and his family had left a really great impression on them. And your family on his, you still spoke to Anne and Gemma and a few of his cousins for birthdays and little things like that. Obviously, you kept a respectful distance, especially since he dated quite quickly after, but you had grown to love the people in his life too.

“Hello?” You spoke out into the car when you answered his incoming call.

“Hey, love. Just checking if I can open any of the wine bottles you have? Or are some special?”

“Nah, have at it.” You assured him.

“Perfect. Are you close by?”

“Yeah, about 10 minutes away.”

“Great! See you soon.” He hummed, “Be safe.”

“Thanks, H.” You hummed and he hung up.

*****************

As soon as you made it inside you were greeted with an absolutely divine aroma and “Always Alright” by Alabama Shakes was playing from the kitchen. You bopped your head along as you pushed the door back and it landed into the frame with a loud thump.

“I’m home!” You called out as you toed out of your sneakers and just as you were about to make it to the living room Harry was coming to the entrance with a glass of wine for you in hand.

“Hey, how was it today?”

“Good, we wrapped up the ones that might be the singles so it was a productive day.” You said with a smiled as you guys hugged briefly and kissed cheeks.

“That’s great.” He hummed as he handed over the glass and you thanked him softly before taking a sip.

“Mmmm.” Your eyebrows perked up as the sour and crisp wine tingled on your tongue. “Which one did you open?” You only had three bottles of white wines as it wasn’t your favorite variety. So the flavors of it were not as obvious to you.

“The chablis.”

“Oh…good choice.” You complimented and he smiled.

“Yeah?” You nodded and he hummed. “Well c’mon then.” He said and you followed after him to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” You asked.

“Also quite productive. I found two potential places, so there’s that.”

“And in therapy?”

“Really good too.” He smiled and you nodded.

“Good. I’m glad.” You hummed, “Do you need my help with anything?”

“No, just sit. Wanna plate it all nice for you.” He said and you smiled.

“Wow, thank you.”

“Of course.” He smiled as he plated up the baby potato and veg mix on the plate and then he lifted the sheet of tin foil placed over the pan on the stove, “They had some really great sea bass fillets at Erewhon. I couldn’t resist.” He hummed.

“How much did they cost you?” You asked with a grin and he chuckled.

“I’m not ready to talk about it.” He mumbled with a smirk and you giggled. “Here you are love.” He said handing you a plate and you grabbed it quickly.

“Wow, so beautiful.” You complimented, “The skin is so crisp.” You slightly moaned as you ran your fork over it. “I’m so excited to eat this.” You praised him and bit down on your lip in excitement. Harry grinned bashfully as he served up his own plate and soon he was settling in beside you and then you guys started eating. You made some light conversation and hummed to the music playing in the background of your conversation while you guys ate your dinner. Everything was so delicious you even went in for another helping of the veggies. “Wow…this is may be on of the best things I’ve eaten in a long time.” You said in satisfaction. “The fish was so buttery. It just melted in your mouth…damn.” You smiled, “You did so good! I’m so impressed.” You chuckled.

“Yeah?” He smiled as he reached for your hand and you nodded again. “Glad you liked it. Got the recipe from Shellie.” He said and you hummed.

“Ooh nice. She’s a good cook.” You recalled and he nodded.

“And I made some cereal milk panna cotta for desert. Should be set by now.”

“Ooh, fancy!” You chirped with excitement. You washed the remaining dishes as he brought out the panna cottas and then headed over to your patio, he balanced the little ramekins in one hand as he unlatched the glass door and slid it open and stepped outside. You dried your hands and grabbed your glasses of wine as you headed over as well and cozied into one of the seats outside.

“So?” You asked and he smiled at you.

“So…I think that I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am probably polyamorous.” He explained and you nodded in understanding.

“Okay and what does that…look like for you?” You asked him.

“Ummm…for me it’s largely about the fact that I can connect romantically with multiple people simultaneously. I have felt it before but just thought of it as like a crush…because I had never fully fallen in love with any of those people or just stopped myself from talking to them more because I was already seeing someone. And I mean, to me, you’re the biggest love of my life. And when we didn’t work I just…I wanted to feel that way again and so I searched for it and I did fall in love with Olivia and Taylor all w-while being in love with you the entire time. I see now that I buried what I felt for you, but it was never gone.” He explained and you nodded in understanding, “I told Taylor once that she wasn’t competing with you for my love, that I loved you and loved her in your own unique ways. D-does that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, H. It does.” You assured as you dipped into your panna cotta and he hummed ‘good’ before he did the same. You sat silently for a little bit, watching the sun starting to move closer and closer to the horizon.

“And say, what if we get married and somewhere along the way I…fall in love with someone else? Can you accept that?” He asked and you shrugged.

“I can tell you that I can right now…but I mean, maybe that will change if we get married or have kids or something…” you said with all honesty. “But I mean, i-if that’s how it is then I’d expect to have boundaries or rules for what’s acceptable if we’re the married ones.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He nodded, “So, my therapist brought in a friend of hers, a sex therapist, t-to talk about this with me. To answer any questions and to help prep me for this talk I wanted to have with you.” He explained and you nodded urging him to go on, “So poly people can have different types of relationships and she was explaining them to me to see what resonated with me the most and I think a hierarchal approach or a polyfidelity approach is more in line with me.” He explained and you nodded.

“Okay, so what does that mean?”

“So in the hierarchal one the main relationship is the priority. So say we started a relationship, to me that would be my main relationship. If I met anyone who I was interested in I would run that by you. Like we would work out what any other potential partners would have access to together. And polyfidelity can be like, I have two relationships but they’re closed relationships on both ends. And well, it’s not like I’d actively be seeking out someone else to involve in my life, this is just an option in case I meet someone who I develop feelings for. I have no desire to have an open relationships or even sexual or dating relationships with other people just because. I would only want that if I even met anyone that I just had that deep of a connection with.” He explained.

“So like with Taylor…if she was okay with this…what would you prefer or?”

“I would kind of leave that up to her. I think she might have preferred a hierarchal thing though. Where if we were together first then that relationship is the priority and together we could set the boundary for what our relationship would look like. So say she was only fine with us dating and sleeping together when I was in California, then that’s what we would have. I think that a polyfidelity thing would be what I’d prefer in that case. I mean, I know that you guys wouldn’t be sleeping with other people, just me. And I wouldn’t say either one was more important than the other, we wouldn’t even have to do things together, each relationship would be what it is.” He said and you hummed as you gave it some thought.

“Wouldn’t that be…exhausting?” You asked and he chuckled.

“I don’t know…maybe.” He said pensively, “But like…to me, the way Taylor loved me didn’t feel the same as the way you love me, and vise versa. And then the way I loved you both also came out differently. I didn’t feel more for you than her, but it was just different. Does that… make sense to you?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, that’s extremely logical.” You said and he chuckled.

“Are you just saying that?” He questioned skeptically.

“No!” You giggled, “I’m serious. I mean, there’s this quote from Ted Lasso that I really love and that I live by now. The quote is: “All people are different people.” And I mean, it’s so obvious and simple, but it’s something that we forget far too easily. So when you say that the way you felt love from and for us was different, it makes sense. Each person loves differently and has different needs. Our energies are different, you know? Of course it feels different with another person. Each relationship is going to be as unique as the people in it.”

“Right, it’s not like a competition between who I love more.” He said and you nodded.

“Right.” You confirmed and he smiled and then frowned. “What it is?”

“I don’t think I had the proper words to explain this to Taylor when I first told her about you. Maybe if I had more knowledge or simply just accepted and understood this part of myself before I could’ve hurt her less. Like, I’ve apologized and explained and we’ve forgiven each other for any hurt we caused each other, but I just…feel bad for how I affected her.”

“Yeah, of course. That’s understandable. I’m glad you guys got to talk that out eventually though. Is she better now? When was the last time you saw her?”

“Ummm, early June?” He hummed, “She looked so much lighter than when we were together. She was back to her old self and it was hard to see how badly what we had was affecting her.” He explained, “That’s really what pushed me into the depression phase. Just seeing how much better off she was without me. It just…fed my fear that I only hurt the people I love.” He said and you hummed.

“Do you think that if you’d known this about yourself with certainty before that she would’ve been alright with it?”

“Absolutely not.” He chuckled, “Her concern was that I’d start to love you more than her and like fall out of love with her and just leave her for you.”

“Mmm, well at the risk of sounding like a total dick…isn’t that just what happens when a relationship starts to…fall apart? You start to fall out of love with someone for whatever reason? Like that’s just what can happen to anyone. It’s part of the general risk of being in a relationship, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“That’s basically what I said to her one time. I just said it less delicately, but it really offended her. But it’s the truth, feelings can change at any time for any number of reasons. And I mean, I did love her, I think I still do a little bit, obviously.” He said and you nodded, “But I’m starting to move past it. See with you I…thought I was moving past it.” He said, “Thought that this whole time. The sex therapist? She was basically saying that in me moving on so quickly, I was just…distracting myself from having to properly move on from you basically. And like…seeing each other again after so long, I mean…it just brought everything up for me again and it almost felt like we had broken up a week before. I missed you terribly and I was constantly thinking about you and Sebastian and I just…I had to say something to Taylor about it.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” You said and he sighed.

“I guess, I’m still figuring things out in terms of this polyamory thing. But again, I just want to reassure you that I’m not actively seeking another partner, nor am I interested in dating or sleeping with other people at this time. If it happens, it happens, but obviously if it takes away from what we have going together then our relationship would take priority over that. I do believe that we connect in a very special and extraordinary way. I love and miss what we had before, but after seeing you again last year and with the time we’ve spent together already I absolutely cannot wait to see how good we can be together this time around.” He said and you smiled and just got up and climbed into his lap and hugged him tight.

“I love you.” You hummed and he sighed in relief.

“I love you too.” He answered as he hugged your waist tight for a few moments until you pulled back from him to be able to look into his eyes.

“So where do we go from here? What are you comfortable with?” You asked him.

“Well, we don’t have to rush into a relationship. I mean, I know we love each other, but I want to date you. I want to reacquaint myself with you and fall in love with the you, you are now all over again.” He said and you smiled a bit, “I also want to make sure that I’m not using us a distraction to finish moving on from Taylor.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” You agreed, “I mean, if you still have feelings for her do you think that maybe you might want to keep that door open?” You asked him and he shook his head.

“Yeah, she’s not on board with the polyamory thing at all. It just wouldn’t work for her.”

“Right…right.” You said and he nodded.

“Ummm baby, I have to ask because I can’t stop thinking about it.” He sighed and you nodded, “Wh-what’s the situation with Ricky?” He asked, evidently he was a bit nervous about asking you, you could see it in his eyes.

“It’s still just a friends with benefits thing. We don’t really hook up on the regular, like it’s not a planned, routine thing we do. It’s more opportunistic.” You explained.

“So the other day was like a fluke, basically?”

“For sure. I would never normally do something like that, especially while we’re in a professional setting.” You explained, “But I was just a little more…needy than usual.” You chuckled.

“Mmm, I see. I only ask because if I’m gonna stay here for a bit, like I just don’t want to make you guys feel weird if he’s like constantly around or staying over too.” He explained. “Like we kept making awkward eye contact yesterday at the pool party thing and like…yeah. I’m not…like it’s not a jealousy thing. I’m not jealous of him.” He said quickly.

“Just fuming inside a little?” You teased, repeating his words from the other day at the studio.

“Yeah, just a bit.” He chuckled, “Still.” He confessed.

“Don’t. To answer your question more seriously, Ricky doesn’t stay overnight here. Ever. And I don’t stay overnight at his either. We literally do the most to not blur any lines even more than they already are.” You explained.

“So you just…fuck and go?” He asked.

“It’s not that transactional.” You chuckled. “It’s usually after we’ve gone out with friends or just hung out together. And if we both want to hook up we do and then we go our separate ways.” You explained. “We really don’t do sleepovers or even like lovey-dovey things like cuddles or holding hands. It’s just the sexual favors bit. Like we might lay around for a bit, but we just talk, we don’t like…hold each other and…bask in the afterglow.” You said with a giggle and he nodded.

“And it doesn’t feel….empty? Without the soft bits?” He asked you more seriously.

“Of course it does.” You smiled a bit sadly, “I think it does for the both of us. He’s hung up on someone else and well…same.” You said and he smiled and nodded, “So we just hook up when we’re both feeling in the mood for it. So we really are friends first and the benefits are there when needed.” You explained and he nodded in understanding.

“So if it’s one of those times when you guys talk afterwards, like is it feedback about the sex or just random conversation?” He asked.

“Just conversations. Like sometimes we talk about the people we miss and things about them. We talk about how we’re feeling afterwards, like sometimes when that post-coital haze is lifted you just get so sad, you know? So we talk about that and try and figure out why we might feel sad. We talk about what the point of all of it is…I think we’ve achieved a rather deep level of friendship from this.” You said pensively.

“And you don’t like him even just a little bit?” He asked you.

“I mean, of course I do. I hook up with him, don’t I?” You chuckled and he did as well, “But it’s very surface level. We did talk about that one time, about what would happen if we ended up together. We both decided it would be a no-go.” You chuckled, “He’s just so…unworried and unbothered by everything. Doesn’t really plan or anything and well, you know how that drives me crazy. Especially with the job we have.” You said and he chuckled and nodded. “I’m definitely more balanced with my time now than I was before but it’s because I’ve been able to schedule and plan and whatnot. Like he’s kind of the type to get bored on a Tuesday and drive down to TJ with a friend or his sister because they want tacos from Taconazo. Like, I don’t have the same freedom to just do things on a whim without it throwing a bunch of things out of whack for myself.”

“Right.” He hummed, “So you…like him? Like you’re into him?” He asked and you looked at him quite perplexed, “Like in the way you like me?” He clarified.

“Are you asking if I like him more than you? Or are you asking if I…like him and you? Simultaneously.” You asked and he nodded. “I mean, I do like you both, but not in the same way as you do. Like, I definitely like you more, I mean, I love you, you know? I wouldn’t be able to love you and him. I would have to choose.” You said and he smiled.

“And you’d choose me.” He said quite confidently and you rolled your lips into each other to prevent your lips from widening in a grin as you shrugged. “Baby.” He pressed more seriously and you giggled.

“I mean…”

“Say it then.” He smiled smugly.

“Why? If you already know?” You asked.

“Because. I want to hear you say it for me.” He insisted. “Tell me you’d choose me. Every single time.” He hummed with a smile and you grabbed his face tenderly and leaned in until your lips were pressed together.

Harry hummed in satisfaction as his hands slid down your waist and to your hips. His thumbs gently kneaded at the pudgy part of your hips. You giggled when it tickled you a bit and he chuckled before sucking on your bottom lip a bit. Your eyes fluttered open and met his lustful gaze. You could feel him hardening up beneath you as he leaned back in for a hungry kiss. Your lips moved sloppily, it was all tongue and heavy breathing as your slid down and held at the side of his neck. His hands were groping at your butt now, smoothing his big warm palms over them, helping you grind over him and feel his obvious need for you. You pulled back and pecked his lips a few times before taking a proper breath.

“I choose you, baby.” You confirmed quietly between the two of you. He looked into your eyes, his lust was evident.

“It would be wise to stop, wouldn’t it?” He asked and you giggled and nodded before kissing him a few more times and hugging him tight. After a few moments you pulled back and smiled at him and he bit his lip and reached around the back of your neck and pulled you down and kissed you deeply once more.

…. A FEW WEEKS LATER ….

It was your birthday and you were having fun so far at the little dinner party you had thrown yourself at your place. You felt pretty in the short black linen dress you’d chosen for yourself. You were nursing a cocktail as you chatted with those who had already arrived, you were waiting for a few more people, including Harry. You had hired on a private chef to take care of dinner tonight so that you could enjoy with everyone, after all, you only turn thirty once.

“So when did Harry move out of here?”

“A few weeks ago? He only stayed about a week. He was able to find himself a decent sized house really quickly. It was furnished, so it was rather convenient, it’s cute.” You smiled as you shared this with Melissa who nodded.

“That’s great!”

“Yeah.” You smiled in agreement.

“Sooo…any progress?” she asked with an expecting look.

“We’re not talking about that.” You said to her and she sighed in some disappointment.

“Fine.” She said with a smile. You appreciated that she didn’t push any further.

In truth, you and Harry had been mostly seeing each other at the studio after he left your house. You had both been scared into keeping things extremely platonic after that dinner he had prepared for you when you guys talked about your future. You had said you were going to take it slow and ended up half naked on your bed just about to initiate sex when you asked him to stop in a panic. The entire week he stayed with you the sexual tension was completely overboard, but you both knew it was for the best to not get involved with each other like that yet. So it was quite a big relief to you both when he left and you only saw each other at the studio. This would be his first time back at your place after he left so you were a little bit nervous in all honestly, which is why you had refused taking a shot three times already, you needed to be fully sober in order to not act impulsively.

“Harry!” You heard Caitlyn greet him excitedly from inside. You straightened up a bit and sucked a bit more of your drink though the straw. “Harry’s here!” Caitlyn announced as she led him out and everyone greeted him happily as he approached you and you smiled and stood to hug him.

“Happy birthday.” He hummed as he squeezed you tightly, “Welcome to thirty.” He said as he pulled back and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You chuckled.

“You look beautiful.” He said more quietly, his compliment slightly drowned out by everyone’s chatter.

“Oh, thank you.” You said as you glanced down at your dress quickly and then back into his eyes. He licked over his lips as he scanned over your face and then smiled bashfully when he realized he’d been caught.

“Sorry.” He hummed and you smiled.

“It’s alright. Ummm, have a seat.” You said gesturing to the table and well, the only spots available were at the further end of the table.

“You can sit here, Harry. I actually need to talk to Ben.” Melissa said as she stood up and headed further down the table.

“May I?” Harry asked and you nodded.

“Of course.” You agreed and he sat there. It’d been two or three days since you’d spoken, you were busy finalizing everything with the party and Harry had therapy and some catching up to do with other friends he had in the area.

“So, how’s it been planning all this?”

“A little stressful, but I think it ended up well.” You smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah, it looks really nice. S’a simple, little thing. I like that.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.”

“I ummm, I got you something that I want to show you later, I-if I can hang out a little after everyone goes.”

“Oh okay.” You nodded and he smiled. Your curiosity was piqued and all throughout the evening you kept thinking back on this and wondering what it could be.

You were having a nice time with everyone, you guys were playing games and sharing stories. You had a delicious, fresh peach pie instead of a cake and everyone seemed so delighted with that choice. The chef really knocked it out of the park with that one. Afterwards, there was a bit of karaoke but when it hit 10:30 you guys started to wind down as to not disturb your neighbors. Slowly, your friends started to head out one by one, congratulating you once more on your birthday and you were thanking them for coming as you walked them out to their cars. Harry, Caitlyn, Ricky, and Melissa had stayed inside talking a bit more but you suspected that they were also getting ready to go, well except Harry. You guys hung around a bit more, the glances between you and Harry were nothing short of obvious and frequent, so being the one person to read the room, Ricky suddenly stood up.

“Well, it’s almost 11:30, we should go.” He said as he stretched his arms above his head a bit and once they got his hint, Caitlyn and Melissa stood as well. You and Harry followed them to the door and you all said your goodbyes. “Don’t be scared of falling.” Ricky mumbled quietly against the side of your head and you squeezed him tighter.

“Thank you for everything. Love you, I appreciate you.” You mumbled.

“Me too.” He chuckled before you kissed cheeks and he was hurrying after Melissa and Caitlyn down the little path.

You and Harry followed after them and waved them off before you locked the gate as Harry made his way back to the house. You felt nervous around him for some reason, like his energy was too great to allow you to breathe, or maybe that was the alcohol…you’d had three cocktails which was already a bit much for you by this point and you were convinced your friends made your last one a double without your permission. Regardless, you were smiling at him while he watched you come up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head.

“You’re making me nervous.” You chuckled.

“What? Why?”

“This mystery gift thing!” You scoffed as you guys made it inside and he locked up behind you.

“Yeah alright, fair.” He smiled as you headed to the kitchen.

“Want some water?” You asked as you headed into the kitchen.

“Please. Benny made the last drinks a double and that awful taste is not leaving my mouth.” He confessed with a slight grimace.

“I knew it!” You gasped and he chuckled, “They were trying to get me to do shots before you arrived.” You said and he chuckled.

“Well good thing you declined. You really don’t want a hangover at thirty.” He laughed and you did as well and soon you were both having a bit of water and then he sighed.

“Okay, well it’s two things.” He said and you nodded, “First gift is this…” he said pulling his phone out and after several moments of waiting, he looked back to you, “You should check your email. The personal one.” He said and you nibbled on you lip and went to grab your phone that was on the other side of the kitchen counter. You open up your email account and saw the link to a ticket and when you opened it up your free hand flew over your mouth and your eyes welled up.

“No…but th-these sold out in like five minutes!” You gasped in surprise at the Joni Mitchell ticket waiting to be accepted by you.

“I’m her friend.” He said simply and you shook your head in disbelief.

She was playing two dates at the Hollywood Bowl and despite your best efforts during the sale in February, they sold out in moments. It was a bittersweet thing, seeing artists that were such icons and legends performing what would surely be some of their last shows ever. Being able to make it to things like this made for priceless memories and well, you grew up with Joni Mitchell, like Harry did, and you both loved her. It was one of the things that you both had in common and made friends over when you first started talking, so she meant a lot to the both you. “We’ve got a private box. We’re right up near the front so we can see it all!” He said excitedly, “And we get to meet her beforehand, if you want.” He said and you set your phone down and shook your head in disbelief.

“This is extraordinarily thoughtful, H.” You said with a wide smile.

“Our first concert out in the open. No fear, no worries, just us.” He said and you hurried over to him and hugged him tight.

“This is honestly so amazing.” You sighed as you squeezed him tight and he kissed the top of your head. “I can’t wait to do this with you.” You said happily.

“Me either. It’s going to be so good.” He said with certainty and you nodded against his chest before pulling back and peering up at him.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked him and he chuckled.

“Always.” He hummed and you laughed and tip-toed a bit more and your lips met in a sweet and chaste kiss.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You gave him another kiss with each ‘thank you’ and he was a smiley and blushing mess before you. “My parents are going to die when they hear about this.”

“Well, part two…they’re coming as well.” He said and you pulled away.

“No.”

“Yeah!” He laughed happily and you shook your head.

“Harry.”

“I swear it. Your mum and dad, and my mum and her boyfriend. A proper date night. Though the meeting bit is just for us two.” He added and you were crying now, it seemed something ridiculous, but it was a full circle moment.

“This is so nice of you.” You whispered as you hugged him again.

“Hey, look at me, my love.” He hummed and you glanced up at him, “It’s not just a concert, you know? I want to do this with you and with our parents t-to also show them that it’s not just a for fun thing. This is about the future. Our future.” He said and you nodded.

“Thank you.” You whispered, “I’m gonna kiss you for real now.” You said and he chuckled.

“Yeah, do it. Please.” He insisted and you chuckled.

Your lips were soon colliding gently and moving in an improvised but effortless dance together. You relaxed in his arms, you loved the warmth of his hands around your waist and then traveling down to your hips as he held you tight. It was a feat as challenging as the greek mythological quests trying to keep your composure around him. Everything just felt so easy and right when you were together, it always had. But now it was even stronger than before, you could feel the love emanating from him as you held each other and kissed passionately.

“Baby,” he mumbled, “can I…say something?” He asked and you nodded and pulled back from the kiss but he chased after you and kissed you deeply again before also keep the distance so he could speak properly. “I know we said no more jumping into things with people but you’re not just anyone, you know?” He said and you smiled a bit, “The love I have for you has been here the whole time. I’m not burying the hurt by wanting to be with you, it’s not like that with you, you know that.” He said and you nodded, “I want to be with you. I want to a relationship with you. I don’t want to wait anymore, I’ve already wasted so much time.” He said and you caressed his cheek with your thumb, “And I…I see the woman you’ve become. How you’ve grown and blossomed so beautifully-”

“You too!” You sniffled and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He chuckled, “But ummm…I don’t want to miss out on this. On you. It’s different with you, you know that.” He said, “Let’s do this again. Be my girlfriend, please?” He asked and you laughed happily and kissed him.

“Yeah. I will.” You whispered against his lips.

“You will what?” He asked with a grin and kissed you a few times, awaiting your response.

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” You said breathlessly with a smile.

Harry was beaming and his hand came around the back of your neck, holding you gently as he dipped down and you kissed once again. He was slower this time, but the intensity was still at all time high. You felt your lust for him simmering steadily, nearly ready to bubble over into a boil with whatever move he’d make next. Your skin was tingling, excited to feel his touch once again.

“Can I take you to your room?” He asked, his lips gently smearing against your cheek as he spoke and then kissed you there.

“Yes.” You confirmed and he found your hand and led you through your house until you were bursting through the door and he was kissing you ardently as you walked backwards into the dim, cool room. His hands slid down your waist and landed over your backside, he caressed over it and gave your cheeks a light squeeze.

“I miss being able to do that.” He chuckled and you laughed a bit. You weren’t as thin as the people he had dated lately, so there was a little more to grab onto. You didn’t mind it, you were happy with yourself and you knew you were healthy, so you didn’t feel bad or find a need to even compare and it was relieving to you that he felt the same. “You’re exquisite. You know that right?” He asked and you smiled timidly at his compliment.

“How about you show me show exquisite you are first.” You suggested and he chuckled and was quick to take a step back and pull off his shirt, not even bothering with the buttons.

Like a moth to a flame, you were right up against him again, kissing down his neck lightly. Trying not to smile too much as you traveled down to his pecs and the smattering of hair between them tickled your nose a little as you smooshed a kiss over his sternum. Your hands slid up his abs, you could feel his tummy flex a bit from the tickles your light touches were causing. You continued sliding it up until your index finger was hooking into the chain of his trusty pendant with the Jesus and penis charms. You tugged it down a bit before arching up into him and kissing him again. His hands slid up your back, his fingers feeling around for the pull on the zipper for your dress.

“It’s on the right side.” You guided him and he was quick to take his hands there and slid it down.

Harry helped the straps off of your shoulders, planting kisses on each shoulder blade before letting the dress drop down to the floor. You weren’t wearing a bra with it as the neckline was a bit strange, but he didn’t seem to mind that one bit. He groaned at the sight of your breasts bare before him and he immediately brought his hands up to them and kneaded them gently in his big, warm palms. You sighed in relief and glanced up at him and he seemed to have snapped. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you towards your bed. He sat and pulled you onto his lap in a straddling position and kissed you urgently. His tongue met yours sloppily before he started to kiss down your jaw, then your neck and finally he reached your chest. You arched your back in as he gently sucked on your collar bone and then skimmed his lips down to your right breast before parting them and latching around your nipple, effectively hardening it in a second. You moaned in relief as his blunt nails dug into your back as he started sucking more fervently.

“Yes! That’s so good.” You whimpered as he moaned around you. You peered down, looking at his gorgeously hollowed our cheeks as he sucked and nibbled at your tender little bud before popping off and moving to the other one. He payed it just as much attention, letting you whimper and whine as he went a little harder on you. Your fingers scratched against his scalp and you chuckled as he pulled back, nipple still in his mouth until it inevitably slipped out with a soft popping sound. He buried himself in the crook of your neck and inhaled and then exhaled, sounding relieved.

“I missed the scent of you and your perfume. I’d forgotten how good it is.” He said softly.

“I do too. Even had the same body wash you use for a while.” You said and he pulled away and smiled up at you.

“Yeah, baby?” You nodded.

“I’m never gonna forget again.” He told you with certainty and you smiled and caressed his cheek with the back of your hand. He leaned into your touch and let his eyes close for a moment.

“I’ve imagined this moment so many times.” You whispered and his eyes fluttered open and met yours. He smiled softly, peering up at you with so much love it made your insides flutter.

“I have too.” He whispered back and kissed your lips quickly. “Hold on tight.” He said and you did and he stood and then had you on the bed as he laid over you.

He started to kiss down your body, you were already so wet for him, but knowing what was coming next practically had your legs trembling preemptively and your walls fluttering in excitement. He didn’t waste time or tease you at all, he needed this as badly as you needed it. He was quick to pull your underwear down your legs and toss it aside as he slid further down, parting your legs so that he could fit between them. He kissed down your mound and up your thighs before he nuzzled right up against your center, his stubble tickling your sensitive skin. You would normally want to be clean shaven if you knew someone was going down on you, just out of convenience, but you knew he didn’t care about that. He groaned happily at your scent and the softness of you against his lips as he puckered them up a bit and kissed at you a little bit, each time nuzzling a bit deeper until he brushed against your clit and you bit your lip in anticipation.

“Fuck H, please. Please.” You begged and he let go of all the restraint he had inside of him and just let his tongue roll out as he spread your legs further so that he could lap up from your dripping entrance to your clit. He flicked over it a little bit before giving it heavier licks until you were pushing him closer and moaning in pleasure. Your hips were writhing up against his mouth and he moved with you, loving how you were losing yourself in this moment. He then started to gently suck around you as he sensed your growing need. You were soaking wet, making a right mess of his chin and you were obsessed with how he was using his mouth. He’s always been eager to please this was excellent. Clearly, he was well aware of what he could do now and it was amazing, “Fuck baby, that’s so good!” You gasped as he slurped on you until your legs were tensing up as your pleasure started to escalate further and further until they started to tremble. He was incessant, your chest almost burned from how shallow you were breathing, and in seconds you were inhaling sharply and moaning melodiously as your orgasm hit you. “Oh, I’m coming!” You mewled and held him against you as he licked you through it, mumbling about how good you tasted and how much he missed it. He didn’t even warn you when you felt his index finger rubbing at your sopping entrance.

“Can I?”

“Yeah, do it. Please.” You hummed and he gently pushed it inside. He moaned along with you, you were wet enough for another, so he pulled it out and then sunk back in along with his middle finger. His long fingers reached deep into you and rubbed against your walls, going deeper and deeper with each plunge until he had gone deep enough to reach into the soft spongy spot inside of you that had you crying out his name. He kissed up your stomach, waist, chest, and neck all to reach your lips again and breathe in your exhales of pleasure.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight and warm f’me.” He hummed into your mouth and you nodded, “So good for me.” He muttered and you smiled against his lips.

Your hands slid down his bare torso and reached down to feel his erection straining against his pants. You rubbed into it, using the heel of your palm to add a bit more pressure. His jaw tensed as he inhaled shakily through his nostrils. You started to rub at him in a matching pace to his fingers sinking into you. You wanted to feel him inside of you desperately.

“Harry. Baby, I need you.” You whimpered and he nodded and kissed you hard before retreating from you.

He got off of the bed and reached for his belt buckle, his desperation and eagerness coming through in the form of his shaky hands. He soon got it undone and pulled it out before getting to the button and zipper on them and he tugged them down along with his underwear. He stepped out of them and quickly climbed back over your naked body. Feeling your warmth together like this was something that he’d been thinking of constantly since he’d seen you the year before. He was eager to be close to you in this way and finally, he had it.

“I have condoms in the bathroom, but I also have an IUD.” You informed him and he licked over his lips as his eyes met yours.

“D-do you mind if I go bare? Want to feel you so bad, want to fill you up, want you to feel it all.” He said and you kissed him as you shook your head.

“I don’t mind.” You assured him.

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and he kissed you once more, slower this time.

“I’ve only been waiting to have you again for…years?” He chuckled and you did too, “This might be over a little fast. But I assure you, I have far more in me. A couple rounds worth so-”

“It’s fine. Did you not see how fast I came?” You giggled.

“True.” He chuckled and tucked your hair behind your ear, “God, you’re so beautiful.” He complimented. His voice was soft and genuine and the love in his eyes made you feel faint. You leaned up and kissed him.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” He whispered against your lips. Your kiss deepened and naturally, things started to progress. You pressed your body up into his, feeling his erection laying heavy between the two of you. You raised your hips up to feel it brushing up against your sticky folds and he sighed in relief at the slick warmth that his cock was up against now. “Fuck, put me inside, baby.” He said to you and you angled your up hips up a little bit more and guided him to your entranced. His thick tip prodded at your weepy, little hole, teasing at the entrance. You writhed around, trying to get him inside and he smiled, “That feels so nice.” He said and you smiled, “So wet for me, baby. All for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, baby. S’all for you.” You confirmed through a needy exhale and he kissed you again and then propelled his weight further forward until there was enough pressure against you that he sunk inside and you gasped in relief as he moaned into your mouth.

“Fuuuuck.” he moaned as he bottomed out and you whimpered as you felt so full. You swore he was in your lower tummy, he was bigger than you remembered. You recalled that he loved a little bite of pain, so when he wriggled a bit and sunk in a bit further you winced and dug your fingernails into his back. He made the most delicious sound, it made you feral and he started to thrust in slowly but achingly deep, it was making your thoughts completely blank. “You feel so good, baby. Fuck, you’re so good, my love.” He panted in pleasure.

You were covered in goosebumps, relishing in the feeling of intimacy with Harry. With the love of you life. Everything suddenly felt right with the world. Your back was arching because each and every time he was thrusting in, he was hitting a spot that made you feel like you would soon levitate. Your hands roamed the skin of his back, feeling his muscles working to bring you both all the pleasure in the world. It was the most harmonious sex of your life, you were both yearning to be closer than you already were. It was absolutely necessary to get closer.

While still inside, he pinned your hips down with his and knelt up making you gasp in shock as he got even deeper like this. You suddenly felt strung out as he started to pick up his pace, his hips undulated and ground against yours in the most satisfying ways. You were encouraging him, praising him for how well he was fucking you. He was giving everything to you, you could feel it in his movements and in the rising temperature between the two of you. Damp skin and filthy wet sounds from the place where your bodies were connecting perfectly. You could feel your orgasm starting to build again so you slipped your hand between your bodies and started to rub precise circles into your clit and he moaned.

“Oh, that’s it, baby. Rub your little clit for me, want you come for me.” He encouraged you and you sped up a little more, “Look at me. Please, look at me.” He panted and your eyes slowly blinked open and met his. He smiled softly and pressed his forehead to yours, his gaze burning into you, making you feel like the only other person in the world. “Fuck, it feels so good with you. You feel so good.” He groaned and you whimpered as you started to reach the peak.

“I’m so close, baby!” You warned and he nodded.

“Come for me, love. Let me feel you coming so hard on my cock.” He egged you on and you suddenly felt warm all over as you started to come undone. Everything inside of you was singing beautifully. You felt like you were burning bright, like a dying star, you were crashing and burning, it was a spectacle to behold. “That’s it, baby. That’s so fucking good, fuck you feel so good, love.” He praised you with a smile, “S’gonna make me come…fuck, you’re gonna make me come.” He grunted.

“Yes, baby. Please come inside me. Please give it to me.” You begged as your orgasm continued thanks to his fast and desperate thrusting into you. His eyes blinked shut and his eyebrows furrowed down as his lips fell open and he let out a low moan, “Oh fuck. Fuck, m’gonna fill up your little pussy. Fuck! Oh fuck, Y/n…fuck yeah, baby.” He sighed and then buried himself as deep as he could go and you gasped as you felt his cock twitching inside of you as he painted your insides with his generous load of cum. He was still for a few seconds before grabbing your hair and tugging you up so that he could kiss you. Your lips met sloppily as he started to thrust gently into you. Your abs were burning and your legs were shaking as he continued fucking into you slow, milking every drop of his sperm into you. “I love you. Loveyousomuch.” He slurred against your mouth.

After a few moments you had both settled down, trying your best to catch your breaths as you basked in the warmth, holding each other close. Your fingers scratched at his scalp gently, it felt so nice and relaxing. His lips were kissing at the part of your skin that they could reach while he held you close.

“I’m never letting you go again.” He whispered.

“Good.” You hummed and he smiled.

“This is where I belong. I feel safe with you. I feel seen. I feel…”

“Whole?” You whispered and he nodded.

“Yeah, you make me feel satisfied with myself.” He said and you smiled.

“You make me feel whole too. I love you.”

“I love you.” He hummed, “Forever.” He added with a smile.

.... THE END ....

< Previous Part <

----TAGLIST----

@sunshinemoonsposts @anotherdudetteinthisworld @matildasatellite @sad-avocado @sunflovverharry @cherrysulewski @daphnesutton @gurugirl @reveriehs @ottawaoutlander @jessitpwk @permanentllyharry@here4thefanfics @slutfortigertattoo @angelbabyyy99 @freedomfireflies @behindmygreyeyes @justlemmeadoreyou @thedevilnamedlola @vonnexann @nikkisimps @fairytale07 @polari28

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sunkissedchld · 6 months

Text

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓

the piles go from top left to right. so, african violet is pile i, pastel lilac is pile ii, and so on and so forth.

take the time to close your eyes, breathe, and meditate on the PAC prompt, then open your eyes and let your guides lead you to the pile for you. i hope you enjoy, and please let me know if it resonates with you! my ask box is open [even to anonnies]).

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Deep" by Big Sean (feat. Lil Wayne)

"Black Cat Nero" by Ateez

"Everlasting Love" by Fifth Harmony

"Neighbors" by J. Cole

Signs:

"this is my last straw"; "i can't do this anymore"; "why do people think this about me?"; "what did i even do?"; "so much for that"; someone with light hair (ie. strawberry blonde, honey blonde, could be bleached recently); someone who is a social butterfly or around social butterflies usually; screen time; movies; tall (in height or in thoughts and beliefs); nurturer; green; you could be drawn to my profile picture and page because of the green

Reading:

the people choosing this pile are looking for hope during a time where they feel very anxious and possibly even lonely. you might feel as if you've been struggling and fighting for a long time and don't feel that you can go on any longer. although you feel this way, your harsh truth is that you have to keep going and fighting until the bitter end. no one else can help you complete this breakthrough and gain the self-confidence and skill that will be learned from this treacherous time. other people can't take on this burden for you - it has to be done by you.

you're meant to feel isolated right now because old bonds are being broken and disintegrated while new ones are being crafted. you likely feel like you're going through a bad luck period; you might feel disillusioned with life and disappointed. one way you can overcome this is by no longer looking back on the past and worrying about what would've or should've been. all of that has already been done and whatever has happened can't be taken back. now is the time to take actions towards a new future and seek your own truth for the present moment rather than dwelling on the past. that's when your luck will renew.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Superstar" by Shinee

"Destruction" by Piri (feat. Kold-Blooded)

"Hold On" by H.E.R

"Out Of Control" by The Boyz

Signs:

"i wanna be free"; "don't take me for granted"; "i'm only hurting me"; "perfect control"; "he left us all behind"; "you promised"; air signs (gemini, libra, aquarius); relationship problems; "what happened to the plan we had"; monolingual; someone in the field of science and technology; astronomy; planter/green thumb; non-committal; someone is cheating; "whoopsie"; petite/small (could be thoughts or physical size)

Reading:

there's a lot of anger in the people that chose this pile. you might naturally be generous towards others and be the type of person to give your last when you have none. you gain a lot from being this generous and helpful towards others. one harsh truth you need to hear is that everyone isn't your friend, so stop continuing to be overly helpful when people have shown their intentions towards you. you're not obligated to save and help everyone you come across. stop following in the footsteps of tradition and allowing people to take your kindness for granted.

at this current point in time, someone is manipulating you because you're allowing them to. you know that they are because you've recently started feeling more upset than usual - that's because your inner and higher self know that you're downplaying your worth and allowing yourself to be walked all over. it's time to break the precedent you've set and create a new one. when you allow this anger to be heard and seen, people will recognize it and you will begin feeling at peace again. make the decision and follow through with actions to show your seriousness and relieve yourself of the anger you feel before it hardens and turns into greed and a lack of willingness to help others at any point.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Bills, Bills, Bills" by Destiny's Child

"Mo Money (Interlude)" by J. Cole

"Who Says" by Selena Gomez

"You Don't Know Me" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

"i wouldn't wanna be anybody else"; "i'm sure you've got some things you'd like to change about yourself"; "you don't know where i've been"; "you think you know, but you have no idea"; "they don't understand"; someone is science and technology; someone planning on changing the future of society; someone with a heart for humanity; empath; self employment; seemingly no direction; spontaneity; "just winging it tbh"; 30s; medium or dark hair (ie. black, jet black, raven black)

Reading:

first, if you also felt drawn to pile i go read it first. pile i and you have similar topics in that both of you currently feel insecure and might even be feeling like you have imposter syndrome. you're thinking "am i even good enough to do what it is i'm being told to"? "why do people view me in this way when i'm nothing like that?". despite this, there's also a little voice in your head and/or heart that gives you hope and is giving you insight from afar even if you feel it's hard to interpret or understand. your harsh truth is that your anxiety and shortsightedness is what's holding you back from seeing the light. you need to have confidence in yourself because without it you will falter and never feel good enough. other people's compliments and encouragement will mean nothing until you give them to yourself.

this may come as a surprise to some of you - fame and recognition is in your future, but you know the idea of "you never know what's happening behind closed doors"? when you receive this limelight, you will never feel satisfied with what you're doing and your accomplishments until you praise yourself for what you've done. the most meaningful gifts and compliments must come from yourself or else all the others are just words and material things. you can't allow self-pity and depression allow you to not see yourself for the gem and unique person you are. you deserve to see the beauty in yourself. freeing yourself from needing others' compliments and instead giving them to yourself will free you from your current stress.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"No Scrubs" by TLC

"Blow The Whistle" by Too Short

"Run" by Otis Kane

"pride.is.the.devil" by J. Cole (feat. Lil Baby)

Signs:

"pride is the devil.. i think it got a hold on me"; "pride is the reason for the dichotomy"; "stop"; "i get breathless"; screen time/movies; work; social butterfly; little miss/mister perfect; "everything i touch turns to gold"; sexual frustration/release; not self employed; working for a big company; striving for recognition and overwhelming success; medium or dark hair (ie. brown, brunette, mousy brown); skillful; jack of all trades; (former) procrastinator; "one less problem"; "this is the come up"

Reading:

the people choosing this pile are hard workers willing to do anything in order to achieve their wants and dreams. you have a strong willpower and mind set that enables you to be successful often. you'll continue to work until you're on your last leg and suffering both mentally and physically. you don't allow others to help you even when you need it. your harsh truth is that you're so oblivious it hurts. you need to re-evaluate what you're doing and the track you're heading down as a result of your actions and instincts. you're leading yourself down a path where plans will get canceled either because of event issues or because of personal health issues. you know the saying "if you don't take a break your body will force you to take one"? that's the path you're currently working towards. this will eventually lead you to feelings of gloom and self-doubt. you'll think that this path isn't for you or your beliefs are wrong when in reality, you're just working too hard. you are on the right path, but even those following the correct way need breaks.

remember to look for and enjoy the little parts of life. if you're so focused on meeting the next goal/the next finish line, then you'll never appreciate it when you meet the one you were striving for last time. you'll always be on the search for the next best thing, and you'll end up never being satisfied which would be unfortunate because blessings and luck are intrinsically linked to you. do all things in moderation and change the current way you view your reaching of goals in order to have true satisfaction.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Jealous" by Kehlani feat. Lexii Alijai

"Superstar" by Shinee

"My Name Is" by Eminem

"Attention" by Charlie Puth

Signs:

12:11; "i can't just invest in shit"; "i see right through it"; "if this is the way it is, don't even put me through it"; "you just want attention"; "i know that dress is karma, perfume regret"; sexual expriences/first time; intelligence; mystery; hidden enemies; hidden intentions; science and technology; computer science; tall (in height); skillful; high position; travel and adventure; air sign (libra, gemini, aquarius); "i suck at letting go"; age gap; "die a little bit"; "i wanna be prepared; just in case"; "come my way"

Reading:

so many many messages came out for this pile, so you could be the most confused about your current life situation, or you're being oblivious to signs being sent to you. you're naturally in tune with the divine feminine, your emotions, and your intuition. you're such an original with rich skill and the resources to succeed (even if you don't feel you do). new beginnings are at the tip of your future, and you're staring at them in awe, but the inner feelings you harbor towards prior experiences that have turned sour keeps them from reaching you like you expect. it's like you want revenge against those that have wronged you. by the way, if you were drawn to pile ii, please go read it! i feel that some people overlap between that pile and this one. your harsh truth aligns with theirs in that you can't let prior experiences sour your future.

as of now, your bitterness and craving for revenge is leading you to be lethargic and experience delays. you might even feel frustrated because, again, you can see new beginnings and blessings in sight but they're being kept away from you. they will continue to be out of reach until you allow karma to do its work on its own and not influence the outcome. this is going to be hard to understand, but you need to learn to forgive whoever hurt you; this doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or be totally enthusiastic when thinking about them, but you need to at least allow yourself to be indifferent towards them. like i said before, you need to allow karma and the universe to do the work of allowing them to reap what they've sown. you need to forgive in order to heal. after you do that, you will feel so secure and see the blessings you've been eyeing plop directly into your lap. a new found love and connection will likely present itself afterwards also.

this is your Tower moment in that you need to remove your prior foundation and buildings in order to create something grander and more fit for you rather than for others who have pressured or influenced you to do something different. this pettiness is not of you, so don't allow it to consume you. allow optimism and passion for something new to fill you and leave behind what brings about depression and anger. listen to your intuition and think over the dreams your guides have sent you. it's time for you to heal and go on new journeys rather than wallowing in despair.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Dancing Like Butterfly Wings" by Ateez

"no tears left to cry (live)" by Ariana Grande

"No Friends In The Industry" by Drake

"make up (live)" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

"i wanna be in the gold of time"; "highlight of my life"; "i love it when we make up"; "it's a mood; it's a vibe"; 20s; quiet time; introvert; culinary arts; foodie; performing arts; artistic kid; earth sign (taurus, virgo, capricorn); narcissism; medium or dark hair (ie. black, brown); tan complexion; spring break; vacations/traveling; study abroad; ariana grande stan

Reading:

this pile has been feeling nostalgic recently. you miss your childhood, don't you? you miss the feelings of not being worried, of being free of adult responsibilities and stressors. you miss when your biggest worry was whether or not your friend would be at school so you two could play together. you might be in high school or college as of now and although you're experiencing some successes, something is missing. you feel as if you need to go through a rebirth phase; you need something or someone new and exciting to come in and give you a shock. you're daydreaming of this a ton to the point where it might even be messing up your study schedule or something of the sort. you could be separating from your childhood friends and that's also partially why you feel nostalgic.

your harsh truth is that a whole new community of people and friends are waiting on you and willing to give you the new and exciting life you're looking for, but you're avoiding or ignoring them. you might not even know them personally yet, but your daydreaming on old friendships keeps you from opening up to others. maybe your shyness gets the best of you? or you worry if old bad habits will pop up and ruin everything, but you need to slowly but surely put yourself out there. do everything in moderation and at your own pace. be willing to be uncomfortable in order to experience what you daydream about. create new foundations in order to become the next version of yourself.

#tarot #oracle #pick a card #PAC #tarotblr #sunkissedchld #Spotify

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meanbossart · 2 months

Note

I gotta ask this has been rattling in my brain for a while.

How did your DU drow react when Astarion asked him for help with the ritual? What were his thoughts? Or was he simply like stop it, no, we aren't doing that. OH, How did you picture your Astarion and DU Drow react after he "died" and was brought back? I know that we don't really get that much dialogue or reaction from the companions when that happens (Praying they add something later down the line in another patch)

Again thank you for sharing your beautiful art and fanfic with all of us its so refreshing to see!!! :)

OHOHOHO I'm glad you asked. I feel like that first question is very revealing of DU drow's character and It was a fun moment to ponder upon, because I think much of his behavior might lead one to believe he would be willing to go along with whatever Astarion wants, instead of pushing back at all, at least on the surface.

There's two factors at play here - first, DU drow knows of his heritage at that point, and thanks to the blank-slate treatment of the tadpole he's gotten a brand new perspective on it by the time he learns of the truth. Prior to losing his memories, accepting the fate that Bhaal had bestowed onto him felt like a choice and the best thing that ever happened to him in life, a confirmation that he was special and destined for greatness instead of just damned to the lowly existence he had endured so far. After his brain is scrambled however, DU drow got a taste of what true freedom feels like while unburdened by his upbringing; he's strong, he's powerful, he's self-sufficient, he enjoys the fruits of his labor without appreciating what got him here - he does not feel like he needs Bhaal, and the fact he ever did is laughable at best and violating at worse. This leads him to abhor the idea of depending on higher power to succeed instead of just raising oneself up by their own merits, or abiding by any mentality where you take orders from a source.

So when Astarion speaks of ascension, and especially after he learns of the source of that power (Infernal magic) he's disillusioned by it. While his memories are still hazy, the situation still feels awfully familiar to him. He doesn't think Astarion needs that higher power because he doesn't, either, and to take it would surrendering to fear and giving away even more of his autonomy than he already has.

And if that sounds a little self centered and like he's missing some of the point, it's because he is. While DU drow has fallen in love with Astarion by that stage in the story and wants what's best for him (he actually entertains the idea of him ascending up to a point - he wants him to be happy) he still has a difficult time empathizing with others. Ascending feels like a bad choice, but he can only justify that feeling from his own, narrow perspective.

(I mused on about characterization for too long again. So more under the cut - the sky is blue the sun is hot etc.)

Then there's the uglier, far more vulnerable and knee-jerk reaction to it. Now that Bhaal is no longer his purpose in life or the gift he once felt it to be, Astarion has taken it's place. Bhaal needed DU drow, in his eyes, much like Astarion does now. And as much as the vampire might have told him that his feelings on the matter changed (and that he was no longer manipulating DU drow for his own ends alone) he can't fathom a reason to be kept around unless he continues to be needed. He has slotted himself as Astarion's protector and devotee, and a vampire lord does not sound like they need much of either.

As much as he would never admit to it, DU drow does not know a life where he doesn't pledge himself, body and soul, to another purpose. He seems like he's happy to barrel through life directionless, but he needs something that anchors him or he has an inexplicable feeling that something terrible will happen. And honestly, maybe he's right - for a man who loves killing, he has a much easier time applying some strategy to that desire as long as he's doing it to some an specific end. Without Astarion, he probably feels like his choices are to either submit to his hedonism entirely or just lie down and die.

I don't need to spell out that this is pure codependency at it's finest.

So, when Astarion asks for help to complete the ritual he is conflicted. He wants to do whatever Astarion wants, but his brain is setting off alarm bells that, if he acquiesces, this will be the end for them and for him. And whatever comes after is a terrifying void of nothing. While he loves Astarion and ultimately does the right choice in pleading with him to give up on this power, his motivations are far from selfless or pure, as much as DU drow may not yet realize it.

This is why, after everything takes place, and specially once he severs his connection to Bhaal and his mind clears a little further, DU drow would go on to grapple with a lot of guilt for taking this opportunity away from Astarion, as I have touched on in the fic and will continue to do so. He's happy to feel like he has a reason to be kept around, but the inevitable hurdles that Astarion must continue to face as a spawn are obviously painful to witness. This is why he dives full force into trying to "fix" his vampirism instead, following that.

NOW, FOR THE NEXT AND HOPEFULLY FAR BRIEFER ANSWER TO YOUR OTHER QUESTION (spoiler alert, it's not brief at all, god damn it):

Yeah everyone just standing around in that scene feels little weird LOL not that it took away too much from how dope a cutscene it was (I probably watched it with the attentiveness of a sport's fan witnessing a footbal game turning in the last 10 minutes of a match) but If I were to embellish it instead of just going with something like "everyone is shell-shocked and paralyzed", I would say Shadowheart is the first to rush over to see if there's anything at all she can do to help, and probably the first (and only, in that moment) to break down crying. I think she very quickly composes herself after he's brought back, tells him he gave her the scare of a fucking lifetime and that he's the luckiest idiot in all of the realms - but that she's glad he's back. No hugs for him though LOL

Astarion is pretty much the opposite, that he would stand there in shock feels kind of apt to me. Like, holy shit, what just happened? Did one of the only good things in my life really just get taken away in the blink of an eye? Am I just cursed to have everything snatched away from my hand as soon as I'm growing comfortable with it? Yes, of course I am. What else did I expect. When DU drow pops back up he's probably like "Oh yeah I knew it'd be fine" (plus the little Twee comment, that was very funny to me.) and DU drow is similarly going "Oh definitely, it was my plan all along to be killed and then resurrected by an ominous house-keeper skeleton this whole time. Anyway, smooch for a dead man?"

This... Clearly very traumatic little incident is probably addressed by them only later. He gets a kiss and a hug at camp and a very stern "if you do that shit again I'm raising you back up just to kill you myself" from Astarion and Shadowheart's just down to drink in celebration and drown her trauma away for now lmao.

OH YEAH AND GALE WAS ALSO THERE. There was a whole Gale debacle in my playthrough but, the TL;DR, is that especially towards the end of the game he was Not in the best of terms with DU drow. Still, I obviously think he's an empathetic person and had his own "oh shit" moment. I'd say he takes this opportunity to try extending a very sincere hand out to him later that day, both for his courage in defying a god and dumb-luck - which DU drow completely passes on like an asshole and just gives him a cold-shoulder about, leaving feeling even more dejected than he already was and probably further cementing his choice to pursue the crown of Karsus later, despite DU drow's disapproval. Good job buddy!

Thank you so much for the ask and for your lovely compliments!!! Sorry for writing you a dang ESSAY 😬

#ask #du drow #DU drow lore #about time I start using a tag like that #bg3 spoilers

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sapphire-weapon · 6 months

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So. The tram scene.

Let's do it.

The tram scene in RE2make is a test that Ada fails spectacularly, and it's the scene that destroys the possibility of a romance ever forming between Leon and Ada in the Remake-verse.

The entire game leading up to this moment, Leon has not stopped questioning her. Sometimes he pushes back on her answers as being this side of unbelievable, but since she always does seem to have an answer ready, there's not much more he can do other than to take her at her word.

He follows her through Raccoon City for the sole reason that he gets the sense that she's going to lead him to the answers that he's looking for, one way or another. Either she really is FBI and he's helping out in a serious investigation, or she's not and she's part of the problem. Either way, his goal is to find out what happened to the city, so either way, he wins.

But he wants her to be FBI so badly. He wants it so fucking badly. But it feels wrong. Something about Ada is off, and he knows it.

The entire game is spent in a very careful dance between Leon and Ada. He's trying to probe her for information without being too obvious about his mistrust, and she's trying to give as little as possible without being too suspicious.

They both tip their hands at the very start of the tram scene.

Leon: "You know what I was thinking? I can't wait for the FBI to raid Umbrella headquarters and take those bastards to justice."

Leon says this because he knows how the FBI works. It's never stated explicitly in canon, but it stands to reason that Leon has a Bachelor's degree in criminal justice. He's spent a lot of money to study this, and he's still fresh out of school, with all of that knowledge still readily available in his head.

He knows that Ada's "investigation" makes no sense at this stage of the game; there's no reason for the FBI to still be gathering information. The city is fucked. It's time to clean up. He wants to see what Ada's reaction to this is -- if she'll promise that a raid is coming once she finds a way in, or if maybe she'll have some other response that shows that she also knows how the FBI works.

She doesn't.

Her response is:

"I agree... but to be clear, you're not working in official capacity. This is a federal case. Once we get the G-Virus, I'm back on my own."

It's a response that doesn't make sense and doesn't address what Leon actually said to her in the first place. He never mentioned being part of that raid; he never expressed a desire to aid the FBI in any way other than what he's already been doing. He just wants to know that a raid will happen.

But that's not what Ada says. She brings it back to the G-Virus, specifically, for no good reason.

Leon's body language is very telling in this moment. He basically gives up -- he all but rolls his eyes at her as he makes a dismissive half-shrug with one arm meant to convey "whatever" and turns his back on her.

He knows that she just gave him the wrong answer. And she senses immediately that she did, too -- which is why she's quick to follow up with: "Hey, Leon... Trust me?"

He doesn't answer. He turns back around, approaches her directly, and says: "You trust me?"

This is another subtle tactic to try to get her to tell him the truth. He's very discreetly saying that no, he doesn't trust her -- and that he knows that she's lying. He's asking her why she doesn't trust him enough to tell him the truth.

It flies right over her head. She answers: "Honestly... If I didn't, you'd probably be dead."

Again, she fails to address what it was that he actually said. Again, he's disillusioned by her. Again, it's written all over his face and his body language. He gives a bitter little "Right." and nods and turns away from her again.

And once again, Ada can sense that she's failing this test. She tries to pull him back in with: "Look, I thought I might need your help... and I was right. If you can secure the G-Virus, I can make sure what happened in Raccoon City never happens again." Admitting to needing help makes her seem vulnerable, which makes her seem honest. And she's able to strike directly at the heart of what Leon's been after all along: helping people, protecting people, and uncovering the city's secrets.

And because Leon wants to believe that she's FBI so damn badly, he takes this as the affirmation he was looking for. All of a sudden, he's quick to rush to her side, to sit down next to her, and start talking to her again like she really is a Special Agent.

Leon: "Ada... You said it yourself -- it's a federal case. I don't have the authority--" Ada: "Leon, look at me. I'm a liability now. If I'm gonna finish this case, you're the last hope I've got." Leon: "I'm not just gonna leave you here. What if you're attacked, what if you need help--"

That's when she kisses him.

And if you look at his face, he's not thrilled.

Ada kissed him because she smelled the virginity on him and thought that a move like that would addle his dumb man brain (side note: Ada and Lady D would get along so fucking well; no wonder why Ada was axed from RE8) and cement her hold on him. But his expression when she pulls away is one of profound disappointment; you can almost see the realization dawn on him in real-time that she actually, really, truly isn't an FBI Special Agent -- because an FBI Special Agent would have never done that.

If Ada had just let him ramble and then followed up with her next speech, she would've gotten away with it. But she didn't. She took that next step to kiss him, and that undoes all of her effort in winning him back over.

But at this point, what is he supposed to do? Say, "Just kidding"? Throw a fit and accuse her on the spot? With what evidence? He has none. "I just know" isn't evidence.

She keeps talking through the next few seconds, and Leon never cuts her off or joins in on the conversation. He just stares at her hand on his thigh with that same expression on his face until the tram arrives at NEST. Ada shoves the ID bracelet in his hand, and that's when he finally speaks.

And all he says is: "Okay."

He's decided to buy into her lie, despite knowing at this point that it's a lie, because he feels he has no other choice. And that's why the scene ends with:

Ada: "Leon. I'm counting on you." Leon: "... I know."

And not with Leon saying something more akin to, "I won't let you down."

And as he leaves, Ada drops her chin to her chest and stares at the floor. She already knows how badly she fucked that up. That's ultimately why she comes looking for him at the end of the game. As Leon walks out of the tram, Ada knows that she can't fully rely on him to do what she asked, because his unconvincing exit said so many more words than he did.

That's why she's so quick to draw a gun on him at the end of the game. She goes into the final confrontation with him already knowing that he already, on some level, knows. And all Annette Birkin did was give him the confirmation he needed.

When Leon says to Ada during that final confrontation: "As much as I wanted to trust you... I didn't." he means it.

There was never a romance between them in this version of events. He never fell for her, and she never fell for him. But that doesn't mean that there was no bond that built between them. Leon also meant it when he said: "We make a good team." In Remake, he truly wanted to be her partner -- her equal. Just... not her lover.

And as for Ada, I've said in the past that she's a selfish character in Remake, and I stand by that. But she's not a psychopath. Just because she's selfish doesn't mean that she's incapable of attachment or affection -- in fact, Ada's shown to be sentimental in a few different ways. She feels endeared to Leon the same way that someone would feel endeared to a stray cat that followed them around and rubbed against their leg for pets. And that's why she ultimately can't pull the trigger on him. (side note: this is also probably the reason why she refuses to call Ashley by name at any point in RE4make; it prevents Ada from getting attached to her in any sort of capacity, but that's for a different post.)

But there's just simply no evidence of a romance existing between Leon and Ada at any point in the Remake-verse. I've gone looking for it, and I can't find it. Aeon is something that only canonically exists in OG. Remake has no interest in it.

Anyone who says differently is applying OG dialogue and events to Remake, and that's just poor and invalid story analysis.

#resident evil #resident evil 2 #leon kennedy #ada wong #meta analysis

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 3 months

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good omens mascot here: why i relate to crowley

Okay I know I've only watched the first season and there's a lot I don't know about season two But. I have a lot of feelings about Crowley and I'm trying to figure out why and this is what I've got. I'm sure at least some of you relate to some of these. I'm using he/him for him this post.

One. He's so disillusioned with almost everything (I say almost on purpose). Heaven? He lost faith in heaven when he fell, maybe before he fell, maybe he fell because he lost faith in it. He's so frustrated with Aziraphale's belief in the goodness of heaven, but he still respects that belief and even admires Aziraphale for it, only really showing how upset he is when Aziraphale lets that blind faith guide decisions. Crowley always says things that imply being an angel is a good trait, but that facade breaks when Aziraphale is fucking up, because he doesn't want Aziraphale to get hurt or this world to end. As for hell? He certainly doesn't have faith in hell, and doesn't belong in it. Mankind? Nope, he frequently points out how flawed and cruel humans are. Himself? Crowley doesn't have faith in himself, really, either.

And I relate to that feeling of... losing faith in all the things that are supposed to be Right and Good, like society and family, parents and friends, lovers and yourself, government and laws.

Two. I said almost, and that's because Aziraphale. He has such relentless faith in the fact that they are friends, they are best friends, they are lovers. 6000 years, and he keeps reading beneath the lines, continues to stand by Azi even when Aziraphale reminds him that he is a demon, that they are on opposing sides, that Aziraphale does not like him, that they are not friends, that Aziraphale couldn't care less about him. Crowley knows Aziraphale doesn't mean it, just like we know. And we're so used to seeing romances where one character says something they don't mean and the rift goes on forever and we get frustrated because idiots, he didn't mean it. But Crowley knows Aziraphale doesn't mean it. He doesn't stop saying they are best friends. That they are more. He calls out Aziraphale on his bullshit and points out that Aziraphale does love him. And he does it without pushing, just lines dropped over millennia, a reminder to Aziraphale that Crowley feels the same, that he knows, he understands. It's such a relentless, powerful optimism from a demon who has lost faith in everything else.

And I know how that feels, to believe in a love so strongly that you can take blow after blow to that belief and have it remain unshattered. To give gentle reminders that you see through the lies, and that you are there and you know they didn't want to hurt you.

Three. Another caveat, though. How much can that belief withstand? Yes, Crowley knows that Aziraphale is his lover and best friend. But how many doubts have crept in over those thousands of years? When Aziraphale said he didn't like Crowley, and the demon replied with you do, how much of it was posturing? When Crowley has been cast out from heaven and persecuted by hell, found no friends in humankind, it must have shattered his sense of self-worth. He calls Aziraphale his only friend, his best friend. Imagine your only friend repeatedly insisting you aren't friends. Yes, you know it is because to be friends is to put both of you in danger, that Aziraphale does not mean it and has shown time and again that he loves Crowley and that's why he's lying to protect him, but still. It must hurt. It must chip away at logic and rationality, bit by bit.

And I know how that feels, too, to begin to doubt that you are loved, because that objective knowledge that yes, you are loved gets broken and eroded by so many instances of being hurt, dismissed, ignored, betrayed.

Four. No one seems to be putting Crowley first. Not heaven, certainly, heaven threw him out millennia ago. As for hell, Satan and the demons only tolerate him, willing to kill him as soon as he betrays the slightest hint of goodness. Humans are too fleeting, gone before you can blink, and they have never paid any regard to the individual over the 'greater good', certainly not to a lonely demon who can't get close to them because they die too soon. And Aziraphale chooses heaven, chooses being good over Crowley every single time. Some of the time, he is right. But imagine being Crowley. Given the choice between salvation and Aziraphale, happiness and Aziraphale, anything and Aziraphale, he would choose Aziraphale. And he has to watch, time and again, as Aziraphale chooses other things over him, finally pulling back from the kiss and choosing the heaven he doesn't even like over what Crowley offers him. Crowley, as far as he can see, is no one's first choice, no one's first priority. It may not be true. But it does feel like that.

And that feeling is so real, to know that the people you would die for would not do the same for you. The people you put first wouldn't put you first. That you are giving knowing that you cannot take. It may be real, or it may not be, but the fact is it often looks that way to me and Crowley and a lot of us, and that hurts.

These aren't all, of course, there's the relentless questioning, the needing to be good, the needing to be bad, the horrible urges and battling them, the kinder impulses and figuring out how to fit them into an awful world, the consequences for being good, whether they are worth it, just everything about Crowley. But the four above I wanted to elaborate on.

I'm fucked, I love a fictional character again. Again, I might be wrong about a lot of things, so there's that. Aren't we all.

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allthecanadianpolitics · 2 months

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I immigrated to Montréal less than a year ago. I became an adult here. I put my whole life on pause to try and convince this country I was worth it's time, I've remained stunted in these obtuse French acquisition programs because I legally cannot do anything else, all under the pretense of better opportunities and a kinder, more secure place to be.

It's been deeply disillusioning to see that notion be proven wrong time and time again. I feel more limited and undervalued than ever, and all of the inequality present is even uglier than the ones I saw at home. I want nothing more than to partake in social change and protest, but the idea of putting in danger what little stability I have in this country terrifies me.

To any other immigrants in this city, hell, in this province: I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope we all succeed, and I hope we all find what we came here to find. At the very least know that I'm rooting for you. I hope that, at the end of the day, we'll all be safe.

~~~~

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willowser · 4 months

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regarding ex husband bag, i have an hc that might not be popular but: i think bakugo retires from prohero work kind of early, like late thirties/early forties. Hes done more in two years than most heroes do in their whole lives, he's gone all out, almost lost an eye or a limb more times than he can count. He's gone through that whole league if villains ordeal, it changes his perspective on his juvenile ambition. He has a son, and while that used to spur him to work more and protect him, now he realizes that's the very thing that split his world in two. So, he cuts down on the patrol hours, maybe starts teaching the next gen of heroes to feel less guilty, he finds purchase in combing down rowdy boys' hair as best jeanist did before him. But that doesn't quell his guilt, his sense of impotence and ptsd and maybe that's when you start slipping together again. He works more but still looks tired, cause he stays up all night, awake. He has more time to think, about you and your son and his perceived failure as an husband and a hero. And you, well you love him still, so you help him. He falls asleep easier in your arms, thinks less when he's with you, feels less guilty when he sees why he left in the first place, his wife and his son. And I think that's how you get back together, you slowly fall in love all over again (the love was always there) and give him solace and meaning, and he can finally protect his wittle family the way it deserves. 🥺🥺

this is so heartbreaking and mending all in one omg !! but no, no, i absolutely agree with you !! i really think about this a lot, like. how long do we think bakugou really does this hero business ??

i tend to have this personal hc that he does retire a little early, like maybe late 30's. idk, i think after everything that's happening now in the manga, i think his perception of 'victory' and 'success' will change a bit. i also think with all this coming out about endeavor, and then literally being at the forefront of it all in the worst way, i almost think he would be a little disillusioned ?? obviously he still loves his heroes, 100%, but i think he finally is able to see through the smoke and mirrors and realize this life isn't as grand as he thought it was. that it's a lie. so i definitely see him retiring early.

but oh boy !! that totally does take its toll on him mentally !! you are so right !!! because he may know what he was striving for doesn't really exist, but that doesn't change that it was his lifelong goal, and that has to be so hard !! he probably goes back and forth for a while and maybe even loses his sense of identity and aklhfakhfgka it's probably so conflicting for him 🥺

and then fitting that into the plot about his lil son 🥺 you put it together with such heartache !! such comfort !! you are so so right. i don't even want to add more because it's perfect !!

#changes his perspective on juvenile ambition — YES #he sees his lil son and remembers all that he wanted to be at that age and his heart STOPS #can't even THINK about his baby boy in ANY situation he was ever thrown into #oh man. maybe he's even like lowkey terrified of what his quirk will be if it manifests #i really think after everything in his life he would look at hero-ing differently #and i dont think he'd want his boy to get caught up in it 🥺#✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: ex husband bakugou #cw children

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therainbowgorilla · 7 months

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*kicks down door*

Enough about just Crowley's lack of communication causing this! Let's talk Aziraphale!

In the first scene they met (chronologically), Crowley makes the universe and is so filled with wonder and joy at its sheer beauty and potential.

But then Aziraphale informs him that this vast, humongous expanse of beauty he just created has all been made for the sake of one small planet of creatures called humans. And not only that, but that it will all be destroyed in about 6,000 years.

... I don't think it's a coincidence that the very next time we see them meet, this time in Eden, Crowley has been cast out as a demon.

What Aziraphale told him would have gotten him asking questions. Questions we know Heaven doesn't like. And when Satan started rebelling, well... What better excuse to cast out everyone Heaven doesn't like, even simply those who ask annoying questions?

If Aziraphale sees himself as the reason for Crowley's fall, it makes sense why he so desperately wanted Crowley to return to heaven as an angel with him. He feels guilt for destroying that wonder Crowley had had that first day they met. And he thinks Crowley being an angel again will bring that back.

He doesn't realize that Crowley doesn't want to be that way again, blindly following what Heaven wants. That that childlike wonder can't be brought back, because it's the entire system that Crowley is disillusioned with, not just the fact that he was cast out.

And everyone talks about the feelings Crowley has for Aziraphale and how not talking about them is part of what caused this... But I think it's just as much Aziraphale's fault for not talking his guilt out with Crowley, too.

---

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk about hopelessly gay celestial enbies

#Good omens #Good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #good omens s2 spoilers #Good omens season two #Good omens season 2 spoilers #crowley #crowley x aziraphale #crowley x arizaphale #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens speculation

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jqnehr · 4 months

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les améthystes du ciel | neuvillette — part 11

two individuals under pressure to marry. one has the hydro archon on his back, and the other has her matchmaking friend pushing her along. when the two meet at a ball, and both in dire need of peace from two meddlesome females, what better arrangement is there than their own betrothal?

pairing : neuvillette x fem!reader warnings : uhhh idk, this is sfw. word count : 4.9k note : another shorter one 💔

! not proof read

! do not copy, redistribute, translate, or use my work with or without credit in any way. thank you.

part ten ⋮ masterlist ⋮ part twelve

ao3 ⋮ playlist

...

A week passes by in a blink, and the tea party is just around the corner. Your opinion of the Iudex increased greatly at that kind notion of his to send you that cake, and you felt strangely encouraged—and, for some reason, you weren’t apprehensive of the upcoming tea party at all anymore.

Perhaps it’s because Navia jovially announced how she would also be attending. Or maybe it’s how you felt reassured with Neuvillette by your side. Or, even more possibly, it’s the fact that Neuvillette had sent you a letter a few days ago saying it was time to begin your act in front of the Hydro Archon.

Some things had changed within the plan—alterations you and the Chief Justice yourselves had made. Instead of sticking to the original scheme of Wriothesley’s, you both opted for something that would dash Furina’s spirits even more.

Neuvillette reiterated Wriothesley’s plan in his letter—you were, initially, to act way too over-the-top; to act utterly and stupidly in love with the Iudex, and annoy the hell out of Furina. You were also to appear overly-friendly—something that would fray the Hydro Archon’s patience towards you, ultimately (and hopefully) ending in her insisting on your divorce with the Iudex and your expulsion from the Palais.

Now, things are different.

‘When in Furina’s presence, make sure to speak ill of me,’ the letter had stated. ‘Make it seem as if you have an exceptionally low opinion of me, and attempt to disillusion Furina into thinking we really aren’t compatible after all. I believe I can leave the rest in your capable hands. This was not the method I ever wanted to resort to, but we both agree that we must end this debacle she’s thrusted upon us A.S.A.P.’.

Well, that’s simple to do, is what you thought once you had thrown the letter into the fire, but now, as you stand in front of not only Furina herself, but Champion Duelist Clorinde, maybe you and Neuvillette’s plan was much easier said than done.

“It’s lovely to see you again, Miss Clorinde,” you greet, extending your hand to shake hers. She takes yours in a firm grip and gives a single shake before letting go. You find yourself feeling quite envious of Clorinde—she’s beautiful; with a tall, shapely figure and an undeniable elegance about her. Her hands are small and graceful, and the message she effortlessly conveyed through the handshake was clear—she is no one to trifle with, and she does not doubt her own capabilities.

You admire that about her. However, her presence has become quite a setback in the executing of your plans. There’s no way you’d be able to talk smack about Neuvillette and harshly discourage the Hydro Archon right in front of the musket-wielding, sword-slinging Champion Duelist of Fontaine. You know that she’d march you off for detainment and interrogation immediately at your disrespect.

“Likewise,” she voices the same single word she gave you when you first met at the ball. Clorinde kind of hides behind her hair, only her left violet eye visible and staring right at you with unabashed circumspection. “Congrats on your marriage to the Iudex.”

Your brows shoot up. You didn’t expect her to know. “I—thank you, Miss Clorinde.” You’re also surprised at how she actually acknowledged you—although it was about something you’d rather not be associated with, it’s still the most you’ve ever heard her say—apart from calling Wriothesley an idiot back at the ball—and probably the most she’s ever said to you.

“I thought I’d invite you both over for tea as you haven’t met yet!” Furina claps her hands, oblivious to the fact that you both did meet at the ball—the one where this entire fiasco had started. Neither of you move to correct her, though—she’s already babbling on about how much she’d like you both to be friends. “You both have such similar temperaments! Elusive, unreadable, mysterious…”

You internally wince at her words. They aren’t words you’d use to describe yourself at all. They make you sound interesting—and you don’t believe you are. At least, not as interesting as Clorinde comes off as.

Clorinde does seem elusive, unreadable and most certainly mysterious. She’s almost brooding. And, well, frankly, you wouldn’t mind becoming friends with her. She’s cold and inscrutable, but does not rub off as unkind.

“At any rate, I think you two will get along.” Maybe the side-glances you both give each other in unison at her words is a first sign of such, but you quickly brush it off. Clorinde doesn’t appear to be too thrilled about being here. Neither are you.

“Well, then! As it’s just us ladies today, shall we eat cake to our hearts’ delight?” Furina, always the master at diffusing awkward atmospheres, claps her hands once more and swivels around to prance over to the nearby table. It’s already all nicely prepared—an assortment of varying desserts laid out across display trays and small plates. It smells wonderful, but the sight strikes you with an unpleasant sense of familiarity—you’re reminded of the stormy argument that blew out of proportion mere months ago now. A tinge of embarrassment pricks you at the memory of your, frankly, unruly behaviour from back then. However, what’s done is done—and you’re just glad Furina doesn’t really seem to remember it.

“These look lovely, Lady Furina,” you say, also trying to make the atmosphere a bit more amiable. “Is this the cake that only has 16 slices available for a day?” You had only a few bites of the cake back at the meeting, for your appetite was dashed. Today, you intend to enjoy it.

“Of course, it is! I wouldn’t hold such an occasion if it wasn’t available.” She seems pleased with herself, humming jovially as she elegantly holds the teapot with her two small hands and pours the steaming liquid into her teacup. “Goodness, we have much to discuss today. Too bad Neuvillette couldn’t make it. Miss Clorinde, will you attend the tea party Baroness Aillet is hosting?”

“Erm, I never received an invitation…” Clorinde occupies herself with pouring her own tea into her teacup. You have a feeling that she doesn’t really want to go. “And, well, I can’t show up uninvited…”

“Oh! No matter, I believe I have a spare invitation somewhere.” Furina picks up her purse and rummages through it. Sneaking a glance at Clorinde, you see her purse her lips slightly and sigh almost inaudibly through her nose. Yeah. Clearly, she doesn’t wish to attend. And fair enough. “Here we are! I think it would be wonderful to see you come along. You have many fans wishing to meet you, Clorinde.”

“…I see.” She accepts the small invitation and places it into a pocket somewhere. “Thank you for your generosity, Lady Furina. You needn’t have given your only plus-one invitation to me.”

Furina waves a dismissive hand. “Please, don’t worry about it. I’m sure the baroness would be thrilled to see you there. Now, [Name].” She links her hands together and leans forward, placing her chin atop her fingers. “How has it been with Neuvillette? Are you two enjoying married life?”

Ah, right, you cast a subtle glance in Clorinde’s direction, whose expression seems interested, as she places a single sugar cube into her tea and stirs it gently. Clorinde, nor anyone else, knows about the true nature of our marriage. “It’s…going well. He sent me a cake the other day.”

“Really?” You instantly regret opening your big mouth the instant Furina slams the table with both palms, rattling the cutlery, already halfway out of her seat. She half-smiles, half-gapes at you, face practically glowing with joy at the news. It’s not that big of a deal. Yet she’s acting as if you just announced a pregnancy—a pregnancy that will never happen. “Oh, isn’t he a darling? I knew he’d treat you well.”

You have to physically restrain from cringing. “Uh…yes, I suppose so.” I guess the best I can do for now is to not act very enthused at the mention of him, if I’m going to put up any kind of act at all. “It’s not like he talks to me much.”

“What?” Furina seems to have forgotten all about the secondary presence in the room—Clorinde—who now has to listen in on a—frankly—personal conversation (or gossip session) about your husband. A conversation she likely wouldn’t want to hear, and one you don’t really want her hearing.

Furina begins to rant. “What do you mean, ‘it’s not like he talks to me much’?! You’re married! I told you two to enjoy each other—in all ways!” Your face flares with heat, her words the poker to stoke the flames. You’re about to protest and implore her to correct her wording, but she persists. “That knucklehead! He can’t ever get into that thick skull of his that finding love and having a wife is a good thing. I want to be an aunt—!”

“Lady Furina, would you please,” your tone is nowhere as severe as you’d like it—in fact, the embarrassment of her crude words has left your voice croaking like a dehydrated frog’s. You notice Clorinde’s brows are sky-high, her cheeks also tinged pink, and that augments your humiliation even further. “That is no matter to discuss over tea or before guests. Neuvillette most certainly wouldn’t appreciate this either.”

“Oh—m-my apologies, I got a little carried away there…haha…” You think? She awkwardly scratches her cheek. “I just…well, Neuvillette’s never had someone by his side, and—”

“I understand.” You reach for the handle of your teacup, bringing it to your lips, blowing on the hot liquid inside softly. “However, such matters are very private between a husband and a wife.”

Clorinde speaks up, something you’re surprised at. “I…never thought Neuvillette would marry, much less for love.” Her words perturb you inexplicably. She turns her piercing indigo stare to you. “To think it’s happened in my lifetime. But, I will say this, Madame…” Madame is still something you’re not used to being called; and you find yourself tensing in anticipation for her to continue. “When I watched you two dance that night, I, along with likely all of the attendees, saw sparks fly.” She ahems, tapping the teaspoon she was using to stir her tea lightly against the rim of her cup awkwardly. “Please excuse my…tacky wording, but I do agree that you’re a good match.”

On a normal day—or, if you felt normal at all about this entire blunder anymore—you would’ve adamantly disagreed and denied such a thing. But, for some reason, you find yourself falling silent in thought. Could she be right? You have only known the Iudex for a few months, but the whole time, he has treated you with nothing but respect and care. I mean, I won’t deny that I feel something too…but what about him?

You don’t want to get your hopes up, and you still want this marriage to end as soon as it can. So what if there’s ‘chemistry’? It wouldn’t work, anyway—you, along with every other citizen in Fontaine, know that he has no human lifespan. He’d outlive you, and things would end in shambles if you were to stick to one another.

“Well, I suppose it’s because we do get along.” You take a sip of tea. “He’s a considerate man.”

“I should hope so,” Furina huffs, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. “At any rate, this tea party we will be attending will be good for you to ease into this nation’s high society. Believe me when I say the nobles are quite insufferable.” You only just manage to catch Clorinde’s soft grunt of agreement as Furina rolls her eyes. “And as you’re a commoner, they may not take too kindly to the announcement of your marriage to the Iudex. Do you know how many marriage proposals he gets on the weekly from desperate fathers of airheaded daughters?” She shakes her head in incredulity even at the thought. “All I’m saying is to prepare yourself. You’ll have a few angry and affronted nobles eager to pick a bone with you at any event you attend with Neuvillette.”

You’d surmised as much already, but you’re grateful for her warnings in advance. “I will take heed of that, thank you, Lady Furina.” You’ve dealt with snotty nobles plenty of times before, especially when you’ve attended the occasional ball with Navia and had to bear with their disdainful looks at a commoner being present for the evening. You really don’t get how they always think they’re superior to everyone else just because they have money and a title—a title that, in the end, is just as empty as their fake niceties.

“But I’m sure you’ll be fine.” You’re uncertain whether to be complimented or concerned at how much faith she appears to have in you. “You seem to know how to deflect all kinds of irking remarks made by any and everyone.”

“…Yes.” It’s not hard to tell slimy men to push off—although, they usually target the more attractive young women. Another perk to being rather plain. And now, with the Chief Justice of Fontaine at your side, you won’t be bothered again.

“Now, I’d like to know what the next two events that you’ve prepared for Neuvillette and I are.” You suppose it wouldn’t really matter if Clorinde listens in, as she isn’t privy to the true context of the matter. And she doesn’t seem bothered either—Clorinde appears to be someone who minds her own business, and does not pry.

“Ah! Did he not tell you?” He might’ve, but you can’t recall much. You did pass out on your bed after eating the cake he sent you and the meeting. At any rate, it would pay to have confirmation from her. “Well, your first little date is the tea party, the next is a banquet I was able to snag some invites to, and finally—just as a nice little reminder of the past of how you both met—your last event will be a ball!”

“Oh…alright.” You select a macaron just to occupy your mouth with something other than speaking, processing her words. She seems excited—elated, even—while your stomach continues to swerve and roll about in apprehension. A ball, of all things. We’ll probably be the centre of attention! How on earth will I manage it?

“You look a bit green, [Name], dear.” And now she’s calling me an endearing name? It really is getting a bit overwhelming. Oh, if only Neuvillette was here to handle her. Why won’t Clorinde talk more to occupy her for me? You ahem, while she continues. “Here, have some ice-cold water. The sort Neuvillette would like.”

You glance at her from beneath your brow, still coughing softly into your fist. “Aha, thank you, Lady Furina. Uh, will you be attending the ball?”

“Sadly, no,” she sighs defeatedly, as if truly disappointed. “I really wish I could. I would be able to die happy seeing Neuvillette finally dance with someone—his wife, no less. However, just knowing he will do such is enough for me. Duty calls! Someone’s got to keep this country running.”

“…Of course.” You nod, finishing off the last of your tea. Doesn’t look like I’ll be able to leave any time soon. “That’s a shame. What about you, Miss Clorinde?”

“Well…I will see what I can do. Wriothesley will probably drag me along to it, anyway.” She swirls the liquid gently around in her cup as she speaks. “Am I also invited to the banquet, Lady Furina?”

Her tone gives away how much she’s hoping Furina will say no—but, alas, the Hydro Archon perks up and beams, humming in delight as she finishes off her slice of cake before responding. “Of course! You simply must attend, Clorinde.” She then smiles at you, and you’ve come to understand that as never a good sign. “I will be in attendance for the tea party and banquet. Isn’t it exciting? Oh, they will all be so honoured to be graced with my presence.”

Hm, yes, they would have to. You cut a piece off of your slice of cake with your fork, allowing yourself a bit. It really is a wonderful cake—not quite as good as the black forest one Neuvillette sent you, baked by the Palais’ own chef. “Are you sure you can’t make it to the ball?” You’re only being polite. Please tell me yes! You’re certain even more trouble would ensue if she were to be present.

“Yes. It’s so unfortunate.” Speak for yourself! Neuvillette would likely be pleased with the news, if he doesn’t already know. “Oh well! You will all have a wonderful time, I’m sure.”

“Absolutely.” However, nothing is guaranteed for smooth sailing. And while you’re on this rocky sea of marriage and nobles and meddling fellow women, the boat very well may be engulfed by its dark waves, dragging you and Neuvillette down with it.

・・・・

“[Name]~!”

You immediately perk up at the familiar voice—there Navia is, waving merrily in your direction, beaming. You quickly approach her, greeting her with a happy smile of your own. “Hey, Navia. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“So am I.” She pulls you in for a brief hug, soft and sisterly. “Are you nervous? Don’t be. You’ve got me and Neuvillette. Say, where is he?”

“Over there, somewhere.” He had gone to greet some other acquaintances you didn’t know. Many other nobles and wealthy commoners are milling around, gathering into small groups to chat with one another. Until the official announcement of Neuvillette’s marriage, he had said that it’d likely be best to remain apart from one another. You agreed, and now you are here, arm-in-arm with your best friend, sauntering over to greet the host. “I think he’s talking with Duke Wriothesley.”

“The Duke’s here?” Navia sounds surprised—and you were too, when you’d seen his dark mop of hair and broad shoulders making their way through the crowd. And you’d seen the young women quickly have him surrounded, fawning over his attractive figure and devilishly handsome face. The look of clear regret for ever coming was painfully apparent on his features.

“Yes, and he’s been cornered by the women,” you stifle a laugh, turning your head to try and spot him. You quickly do, his tall frame only just visible above the sea of girls battering their lashes and fanning themselves with their hands and fans alike. He looks wildly uncomfortable, saying something to try and make them give him personal space, but they just keep placing their manicured hands on the bulk of his forearm seductively.

Navia also tries not to giggle, the back of her hand against her mouth in an attempt to silence it. “No wonder he’s never seen out. The stuffy air of the Fortress protects him from his salivating fangirls.”

You have to bite back your laughter as you both arrive before the host of the tea party, Baroness Aillet. You both curtsy, expressing your greetings and gratitude. “Bonjour, Baroness Aillet. It’s such an honour to have been invited to this wonderful gathering.”

She turns, the middle-aged woman’s face breaking into a welcoming smile. “Oh, please, girls, it’s only my pleasure to have such lovely guests today. Thank you for attending. Please have a seat at any table anywhere.”

The two of you curtsy once more in thanks, murmuring polite words of appreciation before heading off, leaving the noblewoman to greet other guests. It’s quite the crowd today, the Baron’s estate gardens almost too small for forty guests. You spot the familiar sunglasses-clad right-hand men of Navia’s, Silver and Melus, wandering about the crowd, watchful eyes observing everyone and Navia. You smile at them in greeting when you catch their eye, of which they return.

“Ah, there’s Neuvillette. Oh my, is that Lady Furina?” Your attention is drawn to wherever Navia gestures towards, catching sight of Neuvillette’s familiar broad back and his resplendent silver hair, Furina’s smaller figure beside him. She’s animatedly talking to him about something, the Iudex staring down at her with a stiff posture, clearly not pleased about whatever she’s saying. She smiles; his lips are pursed in displeasure. As you both make your way over to them, you faintly hear him sigh and say, ‘Fine’.

“Bonjour, Lady Furina,” Navia greets the Hydro Archon first. “C'est un plaisir de vous voir.”

“Oh—uh, bien sûr, it’s a pleasure to meet the Demoiselle of the Spinda du Rosula once more!” Furina seems a bit awkward—perhaps due to the embarrassment of being called out on her hogwash by Navia herself when Lyney and Lynette were put on trial. “So good to have you here. The more the merrier! Haha…”

Navia smiles like the sun before greeting Neuvillette politely, dipping into a curtsy. “Et bonjour à vous, Monsieur Neuvillette. Comment allez-vous ?”

“Ah, je vais bien, merci, Demoiselle Navia.” He bows his head in greeting. “How has the Spina du Rosula been?”

“Business is booming once more, thankfully.” Despite that, Navia still looks a bit tired. You make a mental note to pester her about whether she’s been resting enough. “Now, I haven’t heard too much about how your—ahem, marriage—” she lowers her voice considerably, as to not alert other, eavesdropping guests close by. It’s clear everyone is shocked that the reclusive Chief Justice is in attendance for yet another event today. “With my dearest friend [Name] has been.”

“Aha, well, things have been…smooth.” He shoots a glance your way, amethyst hues clearly imploring you to help him out here. “We get along well.”

“Yes, we do.” You fidget with your purse’s strap. “Although, Neuvillette’s awfully busy, so we don’t see each other much.”

“Well, that’s to be expected, no?” Navia already knows the reality of the situation, but there are appearances to keep up—especially when the time for the announcement arrives. “You must make the most of the time you have then.”

“Well said, Navia!” Furina giggles in delight, turning to you and Neuvillette. “Run along, now, you two. You have an announcement to make, yes?”

“Ahem…I…suppose so.” Neuvillette gives you a subtle, wary glance, and you, with a resigned sigh, step forward to take his arm. “Let’s get this over and done with,” you tip your head up to murmur in his ear softly. He inclines his head down towards you and nods. “I’ll go up and begin the speech; you wait in the crowd until I call you, yes?”

“Alright,” you quietly reply, and he quickly departs, making his way toward the Baroness. You watch as he says a few words to her, to which he goes ‘oh!’ and nods, picking up her skirts to rush over for the front of the garden—or, really, the marble deck overlooking the place. She holds up her wine glass and taps the side of it three times, silence soon falling across the yard as everyone’s attention is drawn towards the front. “Everyone, if I may have your attention, please—His Honour, the Chief Justice of Fontaine, has graced us with his presence today, and has an announcement to make. Please welcome him up.”

Polite clapping ensues as Neuvillette strides over to the Baroness, thanking her and bowing his head in acknowledgement to the crowd. “Thank you, everyone. I apologise for disturbing your conversations with your companions. However, the matter you are all the first of the commonplace to be privy to is of the utmost importance.” You observe him from the sidelines, somewhere he can see you clearly and gesture for you at the right time. You note how stiff and almost nervous he seems—he’s used to that high, exalted chair in the Epiclese, where he is commanding and in his element—however, here, in front of a tiny crowd compared to that which gathers in the courthouse on trial days, he is far from his comfort zone, addressing something miles away from that of hearings, and instead is about to announce something that will likely make everyone faint from shock.

You sense a presence come to a stop a respectful distance from you, beside you. You turn to look up at Duke Wriothesley, who bobs his head in greeting to you. “Madame.”

“Your Grace,” you politely greet back, your voice a murmur. You both turn to refocus on the front where Neuvillette is speaking. “This news will be…shocking for you, I’m sure. However, I will say that it is good news. You see, recently, headlines have been going crazy over the fact that I danced with a woman at a ball months ago. There was even a photo captured of the moment. A moment I…” He trails off, considering his words for a second. “A moment that changed my life—one that has been, frankly, long and arduous. And when people say that the topic of this matter is a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ experience, I find that I agree. I have lived centuries, dutifully fulfilling my role as Chief Justice, and to think I would have the opportunity to experience the miracle of love…” Neuvillette pauses once more, allowing the crowd to whisper and gasp about themselves. He’s putting up an impeccable act. “…Is something that is foreign, but never unwelcome, to me.

“And then, only about a week—maybe two—ago, another photo was taken of a woman and I alone on a street. She and I…were shocked at the headline. When did they get this photo of us? was our question.” With every word of his, your heart rate escalates—and it positively jumps at the look that crosses his face as he comes to stop in his words once more. He glances down at the ground, a soft smile gracing his mouth. One you, and anyone else with eyes, would immediately take for the unmistakable look of love. He’s…an amazing actor. “But it has proven advantageous. It has brought me here, today, to now—to introduce you all to the woman who has turned my mundane, routinely life into one of sunlight. So, my dearest wife, will you please join my side up here?” Now is the time. Neuvillette turns his piercing mauve hues towards you, his hand outstretched towards you. With an anxious swallow and deep breath in, you stride forward, head held high. Again, the crowd ripples with gasps and whispers and murmurs, every eye on you. You gather your skirts into one hand as you walk, the other extended, falling into his gloved one; coming to a stop at his side before everyone.

Your blood rushes in your ears, your hand clasped in his; Neuvillette’s hand is warm and large and engulfing yours fully. He’s my anchor. He faces everyone once more. “Please welcome my wife, Madame [Name]. She is a wonderful woman—strong, level headed, and, most of all…” He pauses, turning to you, lifting your hand, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it, eyes pinned to yours—before leaning forward and pressing one to your cheek. It’s tender, unimposing and adoring. You catch yourself in time before you can reel back and exclaim in surprise, wits scattered. He whispers a barely-audible I’m sorry in your ear before straightening again, noting the way the onlookers’ jaws have long clattered to the ground in shock. “She is the one to remain by my side. We have been married for only a few months, but they have been the most joyous few months of my life.”

You take that as your cue to speak. “Th-Thank you all—and thank you, Neuvillette.” Ugh, this is so hard! I’m about to faint from that kiss! You mask your trepidation and lean your head against Neuvillette’s bicep, smiling up at him. “This man is all any woman could possibly ask for in a husband.”

And, suddenly, the entire crowd bursts into thunderous applause, whistles and cheers reverberating all across the yard. Taken aback, you glance up at Neuvillette, who merely smiles down at you. Right, the act’s not over until we leave. “Shall we, my dear?”

“Oh, yes.” You take his arm and you both step back down onto the grass of the garden, nodding in greeting and offering thanks to everyone around who wishes you well. Well, I think this is as close to a wedding reception we’ll ever get. As it sure feels like one. I wonder what their reactions will be when our divorce is announced next year?

Wriothesley comes along and pats the Iudex on the back, while Navia hugs you. What the heck. This is all way over the top. It’s pretty much the last straw for you when Furina shows up, squealing in delight. “My goodness! The chemistry between you two up there was out of this world! Wow!” She claps her hands, beaming. “I knew you were both such a good idea!”

Left with no choice but to humour her, you and Neuvillette do your best to address everyone who comes up to speak with you both, expressing their congratulations and well-wishes. You actually overhear someone say that an old woman fainted in shock at the announcement. It’s all so overwhelming. Now, you are the centre of attention—something you wish to go away—and you’ve been forced to adjust in such a short time. When do we leave?

You weren’t sure whether to be glad or have your spirits even more trampled upon when Navia came rushing up to you, blue eyes blown wide and her expression one of unadulterated distress. Maybe you should’ve been happy for the distraction—if the news wasn’t so frightful.

“[Name].” She pulls you to the side, away from everyone, hands shaking. “This is bad.”

“Wh-What’s wrong?” It’s rare to see the composed Navia so ruffled. “Calm down. Are you okay?”

“I just got news back about something related to you…that I’ve been investigating.” Alarm bells are blaring, but you force yourself to remain silent and allow her to continue.

“[Name]...” Her voice falls to a whisper. “André’s dead.”

And the whole world caves in.

any guesses as to who 'André' may be? 🤭

sorry for yet another shorter chapter 💔 this was fun to write tho ahaha

taglist!

@shiroonekoo @just-here-reading @avyakaslana @eternal-dokja @confusedparticle @xitrinez @tanspostsblog @vcatson @sek0ya @loving-august @mxyarylla @ultigoblin @constantlyoverthinking @pvbbyb0y @lynettezzp @esthelily @furblrwurblr @sangoqueenkoko @lacunaanonymoused

#genshin impact #neuvillette #genshin #chief justice neuvillette #fontaine #neuvillette x reader #neuvilette genshin #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #neuvillette x you

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antianakin · 2 months

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@theneutralmime

Oh I have a LOT to say about this, this got really long.

For one, comparing ONLY Luke and Anakin ignores the MANY MANY MANY other Jedi we are introduced to in the PT who seem perfectly successful and happy as Jedi, most notably Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu. If we include TCW, you can bring in a bunch of others like Luminara Unduli, Aayla Secura, Quinlan Vos, Kit Fisto, Plo Koon, Adi Gallia, Eeth Koth, Saesee Tiin, Jocasta Nu, and Tera Sinube. All Jedi Knights and Masters of varying ages and species who are all VERY happy and successful Jedi. So it seems a little disingenuous to ONLY compare Luke to Anakin and come to the conclusion that full training doesn't work when there are plenty of OTHER Jedi from the Prequels era who weren't, you know, genocidal maniacs.

And sure, some Jedi can leave. The Jedi don't force anyone to stay. But let's look at those people who left. Nearly ALL OF THEM leave because they end up turning to darkness and becoming evil, so I feel like that doesn't really speak to the Jedi having done something wrong and more about how if you leave the path of the Jedi, you're probably going to lose your sense of compassion and selflessness. But even among those people, the thing that causes them to turn on the Jedi is generally NOT THE JEDI THEMSELVES, but an outside force or event. For characters like Barriss and Krell, it's the war and the hopelessness and despair it creates. For characters like Bode and Malicos, it's Order 66 and the loneliness and trauma of that sudden loss. For Ahsoka, it's being framed by a friend who was no longer a Jedi and a lack of trust in herself (this changes after the Disney buy-out and Ahsoka DOES start blaming the Jedi for leaving, but she doesn't initially, and for a while she's still intentionally said to ACT like a Jedi and is implied to be seriously considering returning to the Order before Order 66 happens). Dooku is more disillusioned with the Republic and the Senate than he is the Jedi themselves (this, again, has been more recently changed to be a disillusionment with the Jedi, but that's not at all true in earlier iterations of him). Even with Anakin, what causes him to betray the Jedi isn't actually a dislike of the Jedi themselves, but a fear of losing someone he cares about who isn't even a Jedi herself. So all of the people we know who leave the Jedi in this era don't actually do so because the Jedi do something wrong and most of them become evil as a result.

It's also notable to point out that if we're counting Luke as "half a Jedi" because he didn't get the whole experience that someone during the Prequels era got, Anakin counts as one, too. He came in late and wasn't raised among the Jedi, he never got that kind of experience, so making the comparison to Anakin is an even worse comparison than normal because it's comparing an abnormal experience to another abnormal experience. It's like comparing a Satsuma tangerine to a Mandarin tangerine and saying, "See? The first one is better than the second one because it's only half an orange." Neither one is a real orange, they're tangerines. Anakin cannot be used as an example of the Jedi experience during the Prequels era, so the idea that you could claim Luke "worked" and Anakin "didn't" specifically because Luke only got partial training makes zero sense.

For two, it seems a little ridiculous to act like the Jedi who exist post-Order 66 are "half a Jedi" at all. They're not. Just because being a Jedi looks different during this period doesn't mean they're not Jedi or only sort-of Jedi.

There's characters like Kanan Jarrus and Cal Kestis who were Jedi Padawans when Order 66 happened and were also "half trained" I suppose, but they were RAISED as Jedi in a way Luke was not and both choose to come back to it and that reclamation of their identity as Jedi is immensely important to them. I don't think either of them would consider themselves "half a Jedi."

And LUKE would never consider himself "half a Jedi" at all. The famous line from ROTJ isn't "I'm half a Jedi, like my father before me" is it? No. Luke is a JEDI, wholly and completely, I don't care how much training he got in comparison to PT Jedi, he considers himself a Jedi Knight and so does everyone else he ever meets, generally. And the only other character similar to him that we see is Ezra, who ALSO seems to consider himself a whole Jedi and not "half a Jedi" despite the fact that he, like Luke, came to training later than was normal during the Prequels era.

But also the entire statement of "If the Jedi had allowed people like Luke to exist" is so funny because like... gee who do we think TAUGHT Luke to be a Jedi? Could it perhaps be, I dunno, TWO JEDI MASTERS FROM THE PREQUELS ERA JEDI ORDER? The Jedi DO allow people like Luke to exist because OBI-WAN AND YODA LITERALLY TRAIN LUKE TO BE A JEDI. I don't know what more they need to see to understand that Luke WAS allowed to be a Jedi by GETTING TRAINED TO BE A JEDI BY TWO JEDI MASTERS. This isn't even like Ezra getting trained by Kanan who was only a Padawan before, this is YODA AND OBI-WAN, two Jedi MASTERS who were on the COUNCIL before. I guess the idea behind this statement is that they only "allowed" it because Order 66 happened and they had no choice, but like... this is ridiculous. If Yoda and Obi-Wan truly believed Luke shouldn't be a Jedi, they just wouldn't have trained him.

What I think this person means by "people like Luke" is people who were raised in a regular nuclear family and only start training to be Jedi in adulthood, with the assumption that this means Luke's first priority is still like... his family and friends MORE than being a Jedi. This goes along with the assumption that Luke succeeds "because of his attachments" and because he "goes against the Jedi's teachings" in the end with Anakin. There's this common belief that Luke choosing not to kill Anakin on the Death Star is Luke acting UNLIKE a Jedi, or at least, unlike a PREQUELS Jedi. All of these assumptions are wrong. Straight up flat out WRONG.

Luke succeeds because of his compassion, because he acknowledges his own anger and darkness and chooses not to act on it. It's not that he refuses to kill Anakin because Anakin is his father, he refuses to kill Anakin because if he did, then he'd be doing so out of ANGER and FEAR, because Anakin is no longer a threat and is lying defeated on the ground so killing him at this point makes him a murderer. Luke would have made this same choice NO MATTER WHO HE WAS FACING IN THIS MOMENT. And I find this to be something a lot of people miss and misunderstand about this moment. Yes, Luke cares about Anakin because Anakin is his father, but the connection he makes with Anakin in this moment isn't between father and son, but between two people who have felt fear and pain and let themselves be controlled by it. Luke sees the mechanical arm after he cuts off Anakin's hand and it forces him to remember Bespin, the fear he felt for his friends and the advice he chose to disregard from Yoda and Obi-Wan then, and what it ultimately cost him. And it forces him to realize that Anakin, for all that he's done monstrous things, was once a person who got scared and angry, too, who let it control him the way Luke once did, and it cost him. This allows him to feel COMPASSION for Anakin, to see Anakin not as a monster or as this broken dream of his father, but a PERSON. A person who was once like him.

And then by stepping back and refusing to kill Anakin and making the pronouncement that he is a Jedi like Anakin once was, it also then forces ANAKIN to see that same connection. Luke sees him as a person, a person who made mistakes just like Luke did, so maybe he can see himself as a person who can make the same CHOICE as Luke is making, too.

So it's not about their personal connection to each other as father and son at all, really. Like they HAPPEN to be father and son and maybe this allows Anakin to make that connection a little easier because he cares about Luke enough to make that sacrifice (I don't personally believe Anakin would've made that sacrifice for Han or Lando even if they'd refused to kill him either), but for Luke? It isn't about that.

The anger from earlier, though? THAT was the attachment. I imagine this person you were speaking to probably didn't know that Lucas (and the Jedi as a result) use the word "attachment" in the way Buddhism defines it, which refers to a relationship with someone or something (it could be a place, an ideology, a dream, even a piece of clothing) that you cannot let go of because of the way it makes you feel, even after it starts being detrimental to yourself and the people around you. Luke's feelings for Han and Leia are what push him to Bespin to save them, even though both Yoda and Obi-Wan are telling him it's a trap and there's likely nothing he can really do to help them so he's better off staying on Dagobah to continue his training. And Luke ends up getting some information he's not ready for, he doesn't save Han OR Leia, Leia and Lando have to actually come back to save HIM, and he loses a hand. Luke doesn't go to Bespin because Han and Leia need him, he goes to Bespin because he can't bear to LOSE THEM. On the Death Star, he attacks Anakin because Anakin threatens Leia, and his fear of losing her causes him to get angry. It's not really about saving Leia because what Luke is becoming in this moment isn't someone Leia would ever support, but because Luke can't bear to lose her. THAT'S what attachment is. His attachment to Leia nearly costs him his father (consider the parallel between how Anakin's attachment to Padme DOES cost him HIS father figure because he refuses to stop fighting Obi-Wan and reconsider the choices he's making).

The attachment isn't what saves Anakin, it's what nearly kills him. It's the Jedi COMPASSION that saves Anakin. It's only because Luke EMBRACES what being a Jedi means, wholly and completely, that Anakin doesn't end up killed by his own son.

So what this person MEANS is, the Jedi would've been better off they'd allowed people to be more Western, if they'd let people grow up in a nuclear family structure, if they'd let people get married and have children, and if they'd let their members prioritize their personal connections over the fate of the galaxy because that's how they define love. What this person might not REALIZE is that their personal biases are devaluing any kind of life other than the one they're familiar with. They can't conceive of growing up in a more communal family structure where this isn't a specifically clearly defined "mom" and "dad" raising their kid(s) together. They can't conceive of a culture that either never feels the NEED to get married or have children or doesn't mind making that sacrifice (this isn't even specifically Western, Catholic nuns and priests make the same sacrifice because their relationship to God is more important than getting married and having children). They can't conceive of a culture where they actively choose to love everyone equally and never prioritize their own family and friends above strangers.

So this person you were speaking to I think has a fundamental misunderstanding of Luke as a character and his relationship to being a Jedi as well as a fundamental misunderstanding of what the Jedi were and a personal bias against a culture they're unfamiliar with. We're so often fed this story that if you aren't in a romantic relationship, then your life is basically hell on Earth. Everyone everywhere must be looking for this one special person, they MUST want that above everything else, and if they don't, then something in them is BROKEN. So the Jedi can seem very aloof and distant and fundamentally broken to viewers primed to see something like this as like... signals of an evil character, signals of a repressed character who needs to be saved, signals of corruption. But in fact, the Jedi are supposed to be symbols of the best humanity has to offer. They are the LEAST corrupt people in this entire story, the least evil people in the whole galaxy. They are a people who have figured out how to become the best version of themselves and spend their entire lives in service to the rest of the galaxy, passing on their wisdom and using their abilities to help anyone they can. They are an ideal to strive towards, not a cautionary tale.

Luke is not a success because he DOESN'T act like the Prequels Jedi, or because he is able to rise above them and become what they could not or what they had forgotten how to be. He is a success because he DOES act like them. He is a triumph because he represents the return of these people who always symbolized peace and compassion and hope.

I've called the Jedi a barometer for the galaxy's health before. The more there are, the better it's doing. At the beginning of the Prequel Trilogy, there are thousands of Jedi and the galaxy seems like it's GENERALLY fine, but with the return of the Sith, we also see our first Jedi death. And then in AOTC, a war starts and almost 200 Jedi die. By ROTS, even more Jedi have died and the Sith are more in power than ever before, and it ends with the Empire rising as the Jedi are all murdered. If we ignore all the different TV shows and skip ahead to the Original Trilogy, things only start to get better when the Jedi start coming BACK. Obi-Wan leaves Tatooine and brings Luke with him, who has just started Jedi training, and the Death Star is destroyed, saving the Rebellion. Luke commits to being a Jedi and the Empire falls, the Sith are destroyed, and the prophecy completed. Jedi represent all that is good, they represent a healthy balance in the galaxy. The galaxy ISN'T OKAY with the Jedi gone and it's at its best when the Jedi are at their strongest.

The Jedi DO allow people like Luke to exist because Luke is representative of the Jedi who came before him, the BEST the galaxy had to offer. Luke is representative of a culture that only ever did their best to be kind. Long before Rey, LUKE was "all the Jedi" because there didn't used to BE anybody else. Luke was the sole person keeping the Jedi's culture alive and he is bringing with him the training he got from two of the best, wisest Jedi Masters of the Prequel era. ALL OF THE JEDI were like Luke. All of them. Because they were ALL compassionate, they were ALL capable of putting aside their fear and anger in favor of understanding and acceptance, they were ALL people who fought back against the darkness and won. Luke succeeds because he becomes more and more like THEM.

The last thing I'll point out is that the Jedi's defeat doesn't happen because the Jedi failed at anything. The Jedi did everything right. But as everyone knows, you can do everything right, and STILL LOSE. They lose because the world and people around them failed, becauase the Senate and Anakin gave in to their own selfishness and fear and greed. All those "normal" people who were raised in regular family structures and prioritized their personal connections above their duty, they FAILED. But it was the JEDI who paid the price for that failure, so fans continue to blame them for everything instead of recognizing them as the victims they are.

#star wars #jedi #pro jedi #pro jedi order #luke skywalker #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical

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glitteringcrab · 5 months

Text

Unmortricken s7e5 - Evil Morty backstory (spoilers)

I feel like we have caught only a glimpse of Evil Morty’s backstory.

1. He was given a way out. He could “quit”. If “our” Morty was given the option to quit and and wanted to do just that, then he’d… go back to school. Hang out with Summer. Live with his mum and dad. Be normal. And yet, for Evil Morty, being told he could quit was the absolute last straw. What did he do? Did he go back to school? Nope. Did he puppeteer Rick into NOT doing adventures so he could live the rest of his days with his family in peace? Nope. After “Evil” Rick was killed, did he go back to his family? Nope. He stayed in the Citadel. Why did he not try to go back home?

2. He looked pretty scared when Rick started yelling at him. He didn’t even try to shield himself from the fall, he tried to shield himself from Rick… even though Rick didn’t actually raise an arm and looked sad afterwards.

3. He says “sorry to be such a high-maintenance Morty”. It’s like he knows what the spectrum for Morty agreeableness is and his place in it.

4. And then there’s the eyepatch thing. Sure, he could make an electronic eyepatch relatively easily, AND apparently he was knowledgeable enough to perform brain surgery on Rick… but kinda unlikely he could do the same to himself. In his room. This points to his right eye already being altered before this scene played out.

5. How did he know about the Central Finite Curve? OUR Morty didn’t. It doesn’t seem to be common knowledge. We weren’t shown Evil Morty finding out about it and seething in anger, that wasn’t his tipping point. He already knew all about it. Once he wrestled control, his plan was to go straight for the Curve.

6. And the first step to achieving that, was to erase his record from a Morty Agency. Why was his record there in the first place? It kinda points out to him being a clone Morty or a discarded Morty.

7. His photo in the Morty Agency is clearly disillusioned. He’s already SO DONE.

8. He described “Evil” Rick as “a man with an ego so big you could grab it like a joystick”. This kinda points to him knowing LOTS of Ricks and being able to compare.

9. After he seized control of the citadel, in his very first day, he closed the school brainwashing Mortys. Clearly he knew very well what was going on in that school.

10. I kept thinking how evil he must be to kill all Ricks (understandable) and all innocent Mortys (not so much) in the Citadel… He showed no hesitation nor remorse. And when he left, there was no triumph, only relief. (It was the first real smile we’ve seen of him, too).

Then I remembered our Rick killed many, many “innocent” Ricks too… whose only known crime was being a Rick and therefore potentially Rick Prime. Our Rick didn’t get so nihilistic for no reason though, we know his backstory. There’s no way 14 year old Evil Morty became EVEN MORE nihilistic for no reason other than verbal abuse.

…I think Evil Morty had no real home. His whole planet/dimension could have been ruined (probably by Rick shenanigans). Or, even worse, he was “bred” in the Citadel. Those memories of the Morty supply line/slaughterhouse might have been HIS.

He was enlisted in a Morty Agency, repeatedly cycling through various Ricks… And if we take into account what Evil Morty said through “Evil” Rick’s mouth (“if there’s one truth in the universe, it’s that Ricks don’t care about Mortys”) he was not once treated well.

He was taken in by Ricks who would drunkedly promise “Rick and Morty… a hundred years… forever…” (all the while picking him so they could replace their previous Morty, which I’m sure he was aware of) and then use, betray, abandon or return him to the Morty Agency if he wasn’t meek enough.

He would be taken (adopted? hired?) again and again, and have to live in the homes of families that weren’t his real family (and if they knew their Morty was dead probably didn’t treat him as their real Morty), all the while being promised that this team-up with Rick at least was “forever”.

Judging by his reaction when “Evil” Rick towered over him and by the modification in his eye, some of the Ricks beat him and some did surgical “improvements”, obviously for their own benefit and doubtfully with his consent (our Morty can supposedly turn into a car as well).

The argument he had with “Evil” Rick in the garage wasn’t a repetition of the same old argument Evil Morty kept having with his own grampa; it was the repetition “Evil” Rick has had with multiple discarded Mortys in the past. And it was Evil Morty’s last attempt to civilly demand to be treated well. He tried to express his disappointment in a healthy way and was basically told to go back to the Morty Agency and go through the whole spiel again with a new Rick, or being forced to live in the slums of the Citadel.

Evil Morty’s reenaction of “Rick and Morty, a hundred years, forever” was the mocking echo of the cruel false promise that had been repeatedly made to him.

People are saying Evil Morty is being set up to become the final threat in the series, but I think everything he does screams that he is an abused child who has given up on having a loving attachment with anyone and just wants to be left alone. I feel like he will get a healing/redemption arc in the end, intertwined with Rick’s healing/redemption arc.

…Also, I might add that Evil Morty is currently a prime target for any super-technologically-advanced interdimensional being that wants to become even more advanced. Sure, he is very clever, lives in a well protected base, doesn’t go looking for trouble, has lots of resources and advanced shield and weapon systems…

…but is also alone, with no allies, and his brain contains the schematics of tools and weapons stolen from countless Ricks, including our Rick and Rick Prime. Which can be stolen from him in turn… if he gets caught.

One final thought:

If there is any reason he let our Rick live, I think it’s because he could tell that our Rick cares for his Morty… which might come in handy for Evil Morty if an interdimensional being ever tries to use against Evil Morty a weapon similar to that was used on Diane…

(Plus I suspect the weird SUPER SUDDEN switch-places thing that Evil Morty did with Morty might not have been an animation mistake; I kept rewatching to see when they could have switched, but it there was no gap where it could have happened, unless it happened in a literal instant, which could been done by a device Evil Morty has. I know this is a stretch, but IF it’s true, it’s not too bad an idea to keep around a mad genius scientist who cares for his grandson, if you can instantly switch places with said grandson in your hour of need)

#unmortricken

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