#I legit pulled over and wrote a quick letter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dark-and-kawaii · 3 years

Text

𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽 : oh babe you broke my heart with the cheating hcs. not in a bad way, i love the angst. but damn, that's 3 out of my top 5 and i'm starting questioning my taste in men. i'm not sure if it's the right place to ask, but if you're still doing requests - how likely do you think akaashi and sakusa are to cheat? just tryna see the rest of my top 5.

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : Sakusa x Reader - Akaashi x Reader

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : None? Death, but no one relevant - Yandere? - I’m still bad at this

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮 : To be fair, Suna never wanted to hurt you. There will be a second part releasing next week, so maybe one or two of them will redeem themselves xoxo

As for these two, Akaashi and Sakusa *drools* I’m again looking at this realistically. I believe full heartily in how i wrote these two for this so please enjoy xoxo

Prt 1. Atsumu - Oikawa - Suna

Akaashi Keiji would never cheat on you nor would he ever consider it.

If the relationship gets tough or if he needs to travel for his work he will always find a way to make everything work. He’s going to make sure you feel secure and that you can trust him.

100% the one to call or text you when he gets somewhere, he wants you to know he’s safe. Communication is key to a happy relationship and a successful one, Akaashi knows how to do just that.

Now, just because he wouldn’t cheat on you doesn't mean he’s perfect.

There’s a dark side to Akaashi, a side of him that he’s been able to keep a secret from everyone... Even you.

Bloody noses are just like roses, and dragging your repulsive boss to the shed out back is a love letter Akaashi wished he could show you.

Akaashi Keiji would kill for you... and he has. Your boss isn’t the first and he’s sure he won’t be the last.

Don’t worry, that nauseating smell in the basement is from a bad pipe that needs fixing, old water, maybe a dead mouse, but definitely not a body Akaashi is waiting to move out back...

“Have a good day at work, love.” He kisses your forehead, smiles at you while his back is against the basement door. He’s waiting for you to leave, to have a good day at work now that your boss who kept feeling you up is now forever gone.

Akaashi doesn’t mind getting those pretty hands of his dirty, the second he see’s you pull away in that nice bmw he got you he gets to work.

Setting his cup of coffee down he reaches for the basement door. He’s done this before, rolling up his white dress shirt sleeves, Akaashi grabs his favorite tool.

Editing his writings is tedious and hard, but Killing strangers is easy... especially if its for you.

“You should pray now” is what comes out of those silk lips of his before he ends the life of the filthy vermin that dared breathe the same air as you.

But your boss did more than just that, maybe that’s why Akaashi has a sullen expression on his face as he carves into the flesh of the fat man on his table. He wasn’t able to stop this one on time before he laid his hands on you, Akaashi will surely beat himself up for this...

It’s that same night, after cutting your boss up and discarding him, Akaashi carries you bridal style to your shared bedroom to claim you all over as if it was yours and his first time.

Your moans only drove him to pull back and slam forward again, hips knocking into yours hard as his delightful cock filled you over and over again. You were so tight and warm around him, Akaashi ached to feel more of you.

He wanted to fill every inch of you, to claim every bit of your body for himself, to hear you scream out for him.

You were so far gone that this spell he placed under you made it so that you didn’t even notice the small traces of blood on his hand, that his usually clean nails now trapped blood underneath them...

Flipping you over so you laid on your frontside, Akaashi grasps your hair slamming your head into the bed so can plunge back into you relentlessly, your desired moans being silenced by the bed sheets as he spills himself into you.

Both your legs were tangled in the messy sheets as he holds you close to his chest- playing with your hair, Akaashi hums to you till you fall asleep, “Darling let me come and bring you home, to our castle made of skulls and bones. I’ll sing you a song to remind you where you belong, in my arms i’ll make sure you sleep soundly tonight.”

Simple minded men irritate Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Why cheat? If you’re that unhappy end the damn relationship instead of stringing the other person along. Not to mention it’s a good way to get some kind of disease.

Like Akaashi, Sakusa isn’t the type to go around cheating. The guy isn’t even close to being a man whore, so there is legit nothing to fear when being with him.

You’re lucky you got him in bed with you, and to be quite frank you snicker at the thought of him ever cheating on you.

One time when at a club with the rest of his team some drunk slut came up to him and attempted to wrap herself around him- but Sakusa is just too quick and dodged it which made her fall flat on her face spilling her drink absolutely everywhere.

After that incident, Sakusa clung to you the rest of the night. One because he wanted every other female to know he was happily with you, and two because he didn’t want anyone else trying to touch him.

When he’s away for a game Sakusa will always video chat you before he heads to bed, its a ritual he doesn’t want to break.

Not only does it allow him to see you -the one person he deemed fit to share his life with-, but he knows you’re waiting with anticipation in some risqué outfit.

You moaned as you plunged your middle two fingers deep inside your aching cunt, having Sakusa away was always such a punishment. Nothing ever could match his cock, but hell at least you were able to give him one hell of a show and show him how much you missed and needed him.

Your hips were rocking back and forth, pushing forward to meet your hand, your palm rubbing against your sensitive clit...

Sakusa couldn't decide what he wanted more, to watch your squirt and make a mess all over your camera or to board a quick flight back home so he can feel your slick pussy swallow his thick cock.

His hand was gripping his cock tightly now as he held his phone with his other. Pumping along with your rhythm, Sakusa watched as your eyes roll back in your head while moaning his name. Fuck he wanted you right now, this wasn’t fair. You’re the only person he’s ever wanted to touch and fill with his seed and he’s stuck in Sweden...

Sakusa would honestly rather lose an important game than sleep with some chick he didn’t know, the thought makes his skin crawl. You’re the only one for him.

Sakusa honestly cherishes you to the point where he trusts you with his money, his home, his car, his everything. He’s never said it but he loves that he gets to share all these things with you, and he wouldn’t have it any other way...

But maybe that’s because he’s honestly possessive... You driving his car means you’re seeing/dating him, you living in his home means he’s the one fucking you senseless... The one who gets to put a baby inside that waiting womb of yours. You using his credit card means you rely on him... He cherishes this thought every time he cums on his chest when he’s away from you...

Now if you were to cheat on him, oh boy... That’s a different story completely...

~ 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓚𝓲𝔀𝓲 𝔁𝓸𝔁𝓸

424 notes · View notes

steve0discusses · 3 years

Text

S5 Ep8: The Saga of Grandpa Muto’s Mysterious Broken Ass

Getting ready to eat some Devlin eggs this Easter Sunday, feeling festive, and I figured it’s time to post this one a little earlier. Also, because it’s done, which I wasn’t expecting. It’s a slightly longer episode this time, but still, eh, pretty short.

We’ve come off of the very predictable, but still kind of disappointing downfall of Joey Wheeler, and onto a Rebecca arc. Which I’m sure won’t be annoying at all.

The lesser Roland--who’s name I do not know, but the one that wears the weirder sunglasses and seems way smarter than Roland, but clearly isn’t the favorite--lets us know that Zigfried has been going by an alternate identity for years and years. Which like...who cares? It’s not like the Kaibas have always been Kaibas. This is old hat to them.

So Seto sets him off on a quick bribe run, opening a list of different politicians and saying “Oh, this one’s super easy, go for it--he’s in my ass pocket, this guy. Hate this guy.” and it was...that easy for Seto to glide right into that Gozaburo lifestyle that he insists he totally doesn't do anymore. But youknow, with Seto Kaiba there really isn’t any good or bad just win or lose.

On the other end of the park, the choo-choo blue eyes white dragon train pulls in from death mountain, and once again the seating arrangement was really mystifying. Yugi in the very front, all alone. Tea sitting next to Tristan for some reason. Duke sitting next to Joey Wheeler, when I’m pretty sure Duke is probably the least comforting person in this entire group.

In fact all Duke had to say to comfort Joey was “you lost because you went up against a professional duelist!” and it’s like...at what point do you become a “professional duelist?” The game is fake. How many times do you have to save the world before you’re a “professional duelist,” Duke?

Course...maybe he has to get a high school diploma first...

Anyway, Joey spent the last part of this ride sobbing into the seats next to Duke Devlin while everyone else went “weee!” around the...molten pools of lava in this literal volcano that the Kaibas are pretty sure are a really good idea.

(read more under the cut)

Speaking of loss.

Grandpa Hawkins runs over to inform us that not only is no one watching his Grandaughter, but also, he lost a grown ass man because he decided to look for a doctor, couldn’t find a doctor, did watch Rebeccas match for a little while, listened to the part where she was like “I dedicate this match to my true love and boyfriend Yugi Muto with this sonnet I just wrote” and was like “normal thing to say!” and then finally found a doctor, who was like “well he’s not here so clearly he’s cured!” and charged Hawkins a bill despite Grandpa being no where to be found.

I can’t imagine the review that Hawkins is going to leave on Yelp.

Stepping away from thinking that Grandpa ditched his date with Hawkins to go on another date with some random theme park hussie, Yugi decides to ditch Rebecca, because he has way too many fake relationship plotlines in this group to juggle in his already double-stuffed brain.

And Rebecca takes it as if she kind of assumed this would happen.

Also in the actual canon of the show, Hawkins did not tell her that Grandpa was missing, or that Yugi would probably not be coming. Man these people love lying out their ass.

Speaking of being just completely flat on your ass, which happens so much this episode, they stumble upon Leon, who once again kind of comes out of the last place you expect and goes “Hello guys, I regret to inform you I still exist and I really need you to start noticing me already. I swear I will become plot relevant any day now. Please don’t forget I exist.”

...The Kaibas sure did make a tiny town. That sure is the only thing here.

Straight up, the Kaibas don’t know what fun is, and that is canon. And when I look across this landscape, I can only think of that one scene in Arrested Development where they made a very tiny city to convince investors that their housing development was actually legit and very real. And like I feel like the Kaibas would absolutely do that, too.

It’d be good for the gram...but this was before social media was a thing so what is this for?

I mean Leon sure the hell doesn’t know.

Local sad boy genius, Leon, here to get ignored by Rebecca despite being exactly her age, just like other local sad boy genius, Mokuba.

I really called it when I gave him Mai’s font color, huh? Good that even when Mai isn’t here, we can still have a chronically friendless character. But he is like...a lot more adorable than Mai was. Leon is just a lot more likeable. And again--really good hair color. Helps that he doesn’t want to constantly murder Joey Wheeler for no reason.

These kids came out of nowhere and can I just say it’s a really good thing someone woke Leon the hell up before the cameras arrived because that would have been SHOCKING if they all thought he was dead.

I love this boat.

Also Joey makes this observation and it was really funny the way he said it:

The sign that hangs above the park entrance that says “no one kidnapped in 1 days” flips back to 0.

I mean, we all know it’s Vivian, because it’s this global tournament where everyone is defined by stereotypes. But, I want to know how she got the panda stationary. That’s pretty good. There’s a side of me from my 11 yo self that never got over my sanrio phase collecting cute stationary with matching stickers and jelly pens to write 1 (one) letter and stuff it into a friend’s locker (and then have them say they cannot read my handwriting) and that part of me loves panda stationary.

Like if I got matching stationary with like...the matching stickers on it...in my ransom letter...damn that’s like seriously sentimental stuff. I’d feel a little ambiguous about that.

This town is the exact size that California was last season where you could just leap skip from Death Valley to San Fransisco.

And later we are...one step closer to Vivian. And if it’s not, and it’s actually like Bandit Keith on the other side of this door, I will be very happily surprised and this will be my favorite arc.

Also...please note that Joey is still wearing this duel disk after he’s completely done dueling.

Joey, please. It’s over, Joey. You live that Duke Devlin life now, retire the disk.

Anyway, until next time, this is the link to read these from the first to the latest:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#yugioh #yu gi oh #ygo #episode recap #photo recap #S5 #Ep8 #joey wheeler #yugi muto #rebecca hawkins #leon wilson #seto kaiba #mokuba kaiba #grandpa muto #is abducted again #arthur hawkins #tristan taylor #duke devlin #tea gardner

32 notes · View notes

bean-pole-art · 3 years

Text

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th?

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary: Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now - 2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

#borderlands #fic masterpost #fanfiction #fanfic #rhysothy #rhys strongfork #timothy lawrence #just tagging characters that I write the most #fiona the con artist #zer0 the assassin #lorelei the coffee commander #athena the gladiator #Ędi's writing

39 notes · View notes

ofmythsandmadness · 4 years

Text

a favour asked like none ever before.

Fake dating. An ancient trope from the very beginning of time - or like, whenever the rom-com gods started working their movie magic. It’s tried and true, a move that always has a satisfying happy ending.

Well, at least in the movies. In the real world, it’s a suggestion that’s much more messy and complicated for any sort of good end. It’s bitter and heart-wrenching and convoluted, leading to tears and shouts and vases being thrown - or, something like that. Could this trope even ever truly work?

OR, Diego Hargreeves needs a favour unlike anything he’s ever asked for before.

WORD COUNT: 2700+. WARNINGS: A couple swear words. A super worn out trope. Possibly bad, definitely unedited writing. You know the drill. A/N: I wrote this while I was supposed to be doing my job, while scrolling through a selection of one of my favourite cliche tropes. This is just a dumb little thing I made from it. If you want a part two of this, let me know (and as well, if you want to be added to the series’ taglist, let me know, too). xx

“I NEED YOU TO DATE ME.”

Of all the things she had heard leave Diego Hargreeves lips, perhaps that was the strangest one, to date.

It was the delivery that really sold it - though the words were crazy on their own, the way he said it did not help to make it more sane a request. Him, rushing in through her window as though his ass was on fire, clutching a bag and sporting a wild look in his eyes that never meant good. And before she could even mutter a single thing about him scaring her by doing that, or even finish the yelp of surprise she never could get over, he said those very words.

“I need you to date me.”

Y/N let her shouts of indigence die in her throat, replaced instead by confusion. She watched him dump the bag on her counter and act as he normally would; grab a beer, slip his boots by the door, as though it was his place and not hers. As though he had not just said the most outrageous sentence to ever be uttered in the history of their long and convoluted friendship.

“I - n - what!?”

Diego paused in his movements, sparing her a quick glance before turning away, as though his words were not a complete oddity - enough to inspire like, a late seventies David Bowie album. “What?”

“Uh - did you just hop through my window, say ‘hey we should date’ and then proceed to ‘what’ me as if this is all normal as shit!?”

Diego frowned only then, wagging his beer bottle at her as he swallowed his gulp. “Hey, no, I did not say ‘we should date’.”

“That’s basically what you just screamed into my previously peaceful apartment.”

“There’s a huge fuckin’ difference ‘tween what I said and ‘we should date’!”

“God, I really see why you’re single now. You have no twig of romance in your body, Hargreeves, and you also make absolutely no sense at all!”

“C’mon, Y/N I really don’t want to date you.”

And all she could say to that, after a brief moment of merely blinking, was, “well, shit, thanks?”

“Ah, c’mon - I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, nah, I mean I can’t say I’m terribly eager to hop on that relationship train with you, but you don’t have to be so harsh about it. I’ll have you know, I am somewhat of a catch.”

Diego sighed and leant his weight against the wall, cradling his beer in one hand and rubbing his face with the other. “It’s just a weird thing to talk about.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought this up, not me.”

“You got somethin’ to eat?”

“Diego, focus please.”

He threw his hands up in defense, a half-smirk just barely dusting his features. “Sorry, it’s just - look, I’ll be straight.”

“Great, please do that so I don’t combust from all this confusion,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at his rolled eyes.

“I need a favour from you. A big one, but you owe me, so…”

“Oh, I owe you now?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember last month?”

Her hands fell to her hips, mouth agape in frustrated surprise. “Last month, when I paid you back legit the next day? Stitching your ass up at four in the morning means nothing to you now?”

“Okay, fine, yeah - I know, I ask a lot, but this...I need this. An’ it’s not like I’ve got anyone else.”

“‘That makes me feel so much better.”

He fell off the wall and moved nearer, a pout on his full lips now. His hands moved to hers, bringing them up to his own chest. “C’mon. I’ll make it up to you however you want.”

Immediately, Y/N felt a smirk grow on her face. “Oh, anything?”

“Okay, I-”

“-suddenly, I’m so much more interested,” she giggled, tugging her hands away just so she could pinch his cheeks. Diego shuddered away with a glare, only leaving her laughing harder. “Alright, alright, dummy. What do you need me for this time? Lay it on me.”

“I need you to play my girlfriend.”

Her smile remained, but it was suddenly more strained, weaker and more fake. “Uh-huh. Okay. Um....so. Just...what does that mean, exactly?”

“I need to get my siblings off my ass. They don’t shut up about it, how lonely I apparently am-”

“-I mean, I am your only friend, sweetie-”

“-an’ they keep setting me up, actin’ like they’re gonna find me my future wife. It was fine at first,” he sighed, pausing to gulp down more of his beer. “I didn’t give a shit, but now I’m losing my mind. I’ve had enough of wasting nights pretending I give a damn about people’s jobs and hobbies - you know how many people in this city who think they can sing? Cause there’s way too many a’them out there.”

Y/N chewed her lip. “I see your point, really I do, but c’mon. This is a lot. Having me as your girlfriend? That’s a lot more than just like, nightly first aid sessions.”

“I know it’s a lot, but it’s not like it’s for real.”

“We’re gonna have to pretend it’s real.”

Diego rolled his eyes and sank into her couch. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’ve got a whole plan. I tell ‘em that I’m taken, that’ll entertain them a week until I bring up the fact that it’s you. After that, we go out a couple times, do one or two dinners, and then break up maybe two months later. Simple.”

“Okay, but I don’t wanna break up with you and have things weird,” she argued, crossing her arms against her chest. Maybe it was a protective move she did not even consciously make, an attempt to hide the fact her heart was pounding harder than she thought possible. For no understandable reason, this whole concept was making her nervous - and not just because of his plan. “I don’t wanna be kicked out of your and their lives because we ‘broke up’.”

“You won’t.”

“How?”

“We’ll say we tried and it didn’t work out, that we were better as friends.” Diego shrugged, as though he was merely suggesting they order a pizza.

“Okay, sure. But do you really think we can seriously pull this off in front of them? I don’t know how we’re gonna look like n’act like a serious couple.”

The truth was, though, that they already were seen as one to the rest of the Hargreeves. And they both knew it. Every time they were remotely interacting, one of them made a sly comment, or brought up the fact that they would look ‘so cute together’. Klaus even questioned their defenses for a long while, asking if they were just together in secret and not saying anything about it. They were not, of course, but that did not stop the dysfunctional set of siblings from telling them they should get together.

In the eyes of the Hargreeves, Diego and Y/N were perfect for each other. They probably just had to look at one another to sell the idea - but neither one wanted to bring that up.

“We’ll practice. Work out a system. It’s not like we have to get married, we just gotta attend a couple dinners and parties and hold hands and shit.”

Y/N felt her lip sting, and absent-mindedly she touched at the area she had been picking at. Her finger came back spotted with red. “I don’t know, man. This is a lot. Even just a couple months - what if one of us finds somebody for real?”

“Well, then, we’ll call it quits early.”

“You sure?”

He nodded in fake seriousness, but the smirk on his lips told a different story. “Sure, if you find the love of your life in the two months we gotta do this, I’ll find you a way out.”

“Shut up,” she shot back, though she too grinned a little - it was no secret the pair had less than desirable love lives. “Don’t tease your girlfriend like that, maybe I’m sensitive.”

Just before he could give his own retort, his eyes widened in slight realisation. “Wait, for real”

“I mean...what do I have to lose?”

Diego immediately lifted off the couch and moved to her, pulling her in a tight hug not characteristic for him. She stiffened in the embrace, unsure what to do or where to put her hands. Luckily for her, the moment was over within seconds, with him pulling away and headed back into her tiny kitchen to toss his beer. She was able to breath and push away the panic that had set in with the unexpected touch, prepare herself for acting normal in the face of unknown territory.

Y/N followed him into the kitchen, pulling a beer out for herself and tossing a second one to him. “We have to make some rules, if we’re gonna do this right, though.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Like guidelines and shit. I know you have your so-called plan, but I’m only going to go through with this if we have a concrete system set in place.” She paused, frowning at his smile. “What?”

Diego shook his head, still grinning. “Nothing. You’re just such a teacher.”

Y/N just stuck her tongue out and turned away. “You’ll thank me for this later, if and when we get stuck in a double date with like, Allison or something.”

“Sure, sure.”

She set herself down on the couch and reached for her laptop. Diego made his way over and sank in beside her, watching as she pulled up a new word document. In big letters, Y/N typed out the title: ‘DIEGO AND Y/N’S FAKE RELATIONSHIP GUIDELINES’.

“Okay. First rule?” Her hands flew across the keyboard. “If at any point, I want out, I’m out.”

Diego nodded. “Sure. An’ vice versa.”

“Uh-huh. Alright. What else?”

“Uh...okay, we have to do a minimum of two family dinners.” The Hargreeves monthly get-togethers were already essential in both lives, a point where all siblings could reconnect under one roof again and pretend like they were a normal family. Y/N often showed up on request, but not for every one. Though that would change. “Fully committed to the relationship.”

She chewed her bottom lip as she typed, ignoring the faint metallic taste filling her mouth. It was far from the first thought in her mind, just then. “Great, fine. Should we consider behaviour? Like, what I have to do to pretend to be hopelessly in love with you?”

Diego chuckled beside her, a low rasp that made her heart twinge in a way she did not understand. “I guess the standard couple shit. Holding hands, hugs, uh-”

“-kissing?”

She heard him swallow beside her, clearly a nervous point, yet he managed to keep his voice steady. “Probably necessary.”

“Okay,” she drew out, “but like - to what extent?”

“Well, I’m not saying we have to have sex in front of them, if that’s what you mean.”

“Not at all what I’m saying, dumbass,” she retorted, slapping his leg lightly. “I just mean, what are we saying? Cheek, pecks?”

“Nothing too big. Probably the cheek is fine, headshots.”

“Headshots? What, are you’re gonna kill me with a smooch on the temple, man?”

He let out a soft ‘ha’. “I have been known to be deadly with my-”

“-you really don’t need to even bother with finishing that sentence,” she said with a smirk. Her fingers pounded the keyboard, carefully writing out her addition to the rule. “Um, I guess we don’t have to worry about our story, considering everyone already knows we’re close. What’s the situation we should say progressed us from friends to dating, though?”

Diego shrugged. “Somethin’ simple. I came over one day and you realised you just couldn’t resist my charm anymore, and had to confess your attraction to my-”

“-or,” she shot back, turning to look up at him, “you stopped by soaking wet-”

“-why would I soaking wet?”

“From the rain, don’t be gross. It was raining of course, and super late and you came by to profess your adoration for me and everything I do, begging me to take you even though I was far from in your league, that I was the prettiest girl in the world and you could never begin to tell me how much I mean to you.”

He laughed at that, but just slightly, his face reddened - though that could have been the light, Y/N mused. “Guess we’ll meet in the middle. We wanted to give it a try, and then we realised we were actually good together.”

“Sure. Just clean n’simple. Great.”

Still looking down at her through half-lidded eyes, Diego nodded. He wore a strange expression, one she could not quite read. “Works,” he mumbled back, softer than before.

Y/N tore her gaze from his and began to type again. She coughed to clear her throat, feeling a bit odd out of the blue. “Um, so, we’re probably gonna have to fake it for my sister, too. If she hears I’m with someone, even you, she’s gonna pull a whole interrogation scheme out.”

“Sure. Guess that’s fair.”

“You know she’s ruthless.”

“I can handle her.”

Y/N smiled softly. “You say that now, but...alright. Okay, so, dates, dinners, PDA, um...what are you gonna call me?”

“What d’you mean?”

She shifted on the couch so she could see him again - that time, less so right in his face. “You know, couple nicknames and what not.”

“Oh. Do we need that?”

“Well we don’t need it, but it’s probably better if we have some set up to sell the story a bit better. We don’t sound believable if I call my boyfriend ‘man’ n’shit.”

Diego stifled a yawn and swirled his bottle, watching the liquid splash within the bottle. “Okay. What do you want?”

“Nothing cheesy - if you call me honey, or something cheesy, I will punch you. Like princess n’ all that is a no go.”

He grinned. “How about precious? Angel?”

“Don’t you dare-”

“-I’m kiddin. I think I’d barf,” he said, still chuckling. “Let’s just leave that alone, I don’t think we need to worry about it.”

Y/N shrugged, glancing down to delete the rule. “Fine. But if you dare call me something garbage, I will leave you right then and there.”

“You have no faith in me,” he teased, nudging her with the bottle. She shivered, the cold sending chills down her spine. “C’mon, I think this is fine. We know each other, we’re adults, we know how to lie. I mean, I fooled you for six months into believin’ I was just wounded from boxing fights.”

She giggled at that. “Please. I knew a week into you showing up who you were. I’ve lived long enough in this city to know what was up. You’re not as good of a liar as you think - I don’t think you can keep a thing from me, honestly.”

Diego grinned and mumbled something at that, something she could not quite catch, but she let it go. “Fine. Whatever. The rules are fine.”

“Exactly.” She cleared her throat and adjusted the screen, ready to read them aloud. “Okay, here is the extensive list of guidelines for Diego and Y/N’s fake relationship, always subject to change or additions.

At any point, either person in the relationship can ask to leave and break off the arrangement, REGARDLESS of time and place. There must be a good reason.

PDA wise, hand holding, embraces, kisses to the cheek or head, respectable touches and actions are all fine.

Kissing is fine if the situation requires it, but only the necessary amounts.

Stick with the story - we decided to try being a couple, went on a date and decided to go forward and now we’re together (subject to revision).

A required two Hargreeves family dinners need to be completed in order to fulfill the relationship - not including any separate, smaller occasions that may arise. As well, there must be a meeting of Y/L/N’s sister in order to fulfill the agreement.

A minimum of two months is required for the relationship (unless there is reason to withdraw, see first rule).

No stupid cheesy couple pet names.

No actually falling for the other person.

At the last one, Diego frowned. “What is number six about?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not serious,” she grinned. “But you know how this shit goes. In rom-coms, they always fall for each other and things get messy.”

“This isn’t a movie.”

“No shit, Sherlock. But it’s funny and it’s just a stupid rule.” She paused to poke at him teasingly. “What, you looking to marry me after all this?”

He rolled his eyes. “I just mean it’s unnecessary, but fine.”

“Great. I’ll give you a copy of this, just to consult if you ever forget.”

“Thanks so much,” he shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Is that it, then?”

Y/N slammed her laptop down and in response, lifted her beer bottle to meet his. “I believe that makes it official...boyfriend.”

He laughed as the glass clinked. “Fantastic...girlfriend.”

“Jeez,” she grumbled, downing a swig before finishing the softly spoken thought. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Tell me about it.”

The two then fell into a funny silence, staring away from one another and sipping at their beers, both at a loss for words. It seemed as though just then, the situation had sunk in for the pair and they had no idea what to say to their now (albeit fake) partner. All they could do was stare at the ground and wall respectively and silently wonder, just what the hell they had gotten themselves into.

#diego hargreeves #diego hargreeves oneshot #diego oneshot #diego hargreeves x reader #diego x reader #fake dating #diego hargreeves is a secret sap #the umbrella academy #tua x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves fic

293 notes · View notes

makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 244: Have You Read This Book

Previously on BnHA: Deku visited his mom on New Year’s Eve and was all “here’s a new letter from my ever-expanding fanclub of adorable preschoolers whom I saved from trauma” and Inko was all, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU I FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU ANYMORE” because she doesn’t watch the news at all or keep track of ominous plot developments I guess. The next morning, a.k.a. New Year’s Fucking Day, while other kids their age visited shrines or sat at home watching TV, Izuku, Shouto, and Katsuki were bussed off to go be child soldiers at Endeavor’s hero agency. Katsuki was all “HEY ENDEAVOR YOU’RE KIND OF A DICK,” and Endeavor was all “SHOUTO IS THIS VULGAR AND PUGNACIOUS YOUTH REALLY YOUR FRIEND” and Shouto was all “TOO LATE DAD, YOU SAID!!” and Endeavor hmmphed and booked it out of there and the kids all followed him and there was this old dude with a beard floating around screaming about END TIMES!! and Hawks was there and, what?? Seriously does anyone actually know what’s going on?

Today on BnHA: Endeavor chases down the old man (who may in fact be an actual prophet, though? Horikoshi what games are you playing) and sets him on fire and tackles him and it’s all very violent. Hawks then appears out of nowhere and breaks up BakuDeku’s tag team effort all “SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE YOU TWO!” and is then all “hi Shouto” and “hi, you must be Midoriya, Tokoyami told me all about you, I wanted to work with you too, BUT -- [stares off angstily into the distance].” Then, because I forgot that Hawks never shuts up, he’s all, “Hey Endeavor have you ever heard of this book, ‘Paranormal Liberation Front’? Don’t let the really dumb-sounding title put you off, it’s actually a rousing tale full of hidden clues about all the bullshit I’m actually up to. I highlighted the relevant portions if you can’t be assed to read it, well anyways, Hail Hydra.” “Well that was a strange conversation,” Endeavor thinks to himself as he stares uncomprehendingly into the void. Sob someone please help them why are they so bad at this oh god.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so thanks to that little stunt Horikoshi pulled two weeks ago, our chances of finding out Bakugou’s hero name any time within the next dozen chapters are slimmer than ever. probably he’ll reveal it at the end of the arc instead. it’s like he doesn’t even care about the databook. whatever I’ll have plenty of time to sulk more about it after I get to readin’

anyway the title of the new chapter is “Recommendation”, so... actually that does sound fairly promising, though? am I just eternally doomed to get my hopes up? is this referring to Shouto pestering his dad to take on his two best friends as fellow interns? what’s going on here

anyway so we’re opening with this

I love that it’s the two supposed goody-two-shoes kids who are actually being vocal about blatantly disregarding Endeavor’s orders. Shouto is just not having it to begin with, whereas Deku at least is trying to rationalize his own reckless behavior. Katsuki meanwhile is too focused on doing this fancy kick move to switch his suitcase from his left hand to his right to bother talking right now. reminds me of him playing with the soccer ball as a youngling

also the fact that his case is number 17 and Deku’s is number 18. have I talked about this before? I think I have but it was with some other numbered thing. anyways love the symbolism of him trying to stay one step ahead of him and Deku always being right on his heels. or maybe I’m reading too much into it but anyways rivals, yay

damn Endeavor is really determined to get ahead of them though

uh oh Horikoshi how much action did you pack into this chapter. starting to run out of time to finish all your panels again huh. you had a whole extra week! how fucking insane is this arc going to be holy shit

anyways Endeavor way to leave your brand new interns behind minutes after meeting them for the first time smdh. this is exactly how it went down with Hawks and Tokoyami

okay so like, I know a flash fire is an actual thing, but for a second I started wondering if in this kind of context (with him speeding off), it might also be a reference to the DC hero. then I remembered that the name of Endeavor’s technique is different in Japanese and the pun probably doesn’t translate. ah well

anyways dude is fast. but I wouldn’t count the kids out yet, they’re all pretty fast too!

so now we’re back downtown with Old Man Doom And Gloom, and oddly enough it seems that this isn’t actually an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence?

fucking quirk society. you guys are just so desensitized to the most bizarre fucking things. but I guess we in the 21st century are hardly ones to talk ourselves sigh

anyway now he’s being a bit more extra than usual and they’re starting to worry

?? the fuck is that? that sure as hell isn’t Hawks or Endeavor lmao. IF IT’S SLIDIN’ GO I SWEAR TO GOD

or wait, is it still the old man talking? should I actually be paying attention to his ramblings, my bad

is that a fucking Spirit Bomb

(ETA: in truth this is the most badass attack name that has ever existed or will ever exist and I should give it its proper due actually.)

so now I guess he’s hurtling it at them??

...hold up one sec

“revelations from the universe, I have received. flee, flee good citizens. the Dark Lord’s lips curl into a wicked crescent” -- holy shit, this all tracks?? IS THIS DOOMSDAY CRACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY RIGHT ON THE FUCKING MONEY HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU A WITCH GOOD SIR. DID YOU WRITE A BOOK OF HIGHLY ACCURATE AND DEVASTATINGLY WITTY PROPHECIES BY ANY CHANCE

“the end is nigh! the wicked stars are conspiring against us! we must stop them! the earth is on the verge of being engulfed by darkness! flee, my fellow citizens! I am the one who shall destroy this source of darkness! be revealed! servants of the dark lord, come forth!”

okay listen. if he’s aiming this fucking thing at Hawks, though, after a speech like that? fuck it, I’m a believer. I’m sorry old man, I wrote you off without a second thought and here you are being the only one who’s actually like “HELLO!!!? PEOPLE!!!? THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!?! THEY HAVE AN ARMY!!? AND NOUMUS!??! FUUUUUUUUCK”

and I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but those are some legit-ass universe revelations. fucking even talks about the “Dark Lord” specifically only describing his lips. because he doesn’t have anything else to describe nowadays, face-wise. shit that is spooky

anyway so that sure was unexpected. let’s see what shenanigans Master Roshi here is gonna get himself into next

did my boy just get fucking flashfired. jesus Endeavor show some fucking mercy

...

someone want to explain to this man the concept of a proportionate response? anyone? ...

fucking Todorokis I swear to god. if they weren’t all so good at being amazing superheroes, they could easily fall back on a career of being dramatic bitches for hire instead

anyways when did Endeavor change his clothes. this dude was wearing a turtleneck and slacks thirty seconds ago. did he literally just burn them off. how. what. fucking plot holes left and right

lol imagine if like on the next page the interns finally catch up and they’re like holding his fucking jacket and looking peeved

-- holy fucking shit, Endeavor

not cool, dude!! what the fuck. this isn’t a fucking Noumu for fuck’s sake THAT IS A HUMAN PERSON

(ETA: I guess he ended up being okay, but shit, for a moment it looked like we were going full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark over here. anyways the moral of this story is that Endeavor is terrifying, fuck.)

so now of course Nostradamus is trying to get the fuck out of there, because if he sticks around Endeavor apparently has no qualms about burning him alive. fuck me Endeavor, I’m still rooting for your redemption arc my dude, but tbh if Dabi happens to pop up out of nowhere here looking for some revenge I’m not gonna say no to it right now. quit burning people alive!!

so now 12/21/2012 is zooming down an alley and Endeavor is zooming after him and telling some extra with a sword to stay and lead the evacuation

oh??

Endeavor have you flown yourself right into a trap?

oh my god what the fuck is this

it’s like Dabi VS the Liberation Army all over again. fucking check all these motherfuckers who apparently want to get themselves deep fried. this one guy really thinks he’s going to clock the Number One with a piece of fucking PVC pipe

LMAOOOOO

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A RUCKUS, BOYS! you better believe I have the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing in my head right now

-- !!!

HAWKS!! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU REALLY WERE THERE TOO OR IF THE PANELS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER WERE DELIBERATELY MISLEADING

LOOOOOOL

pour one out for these poor sobs who somehow got themselves caught up in an accidental pincer attack between the dynamic fucking duo and fucking Angry Bird here. where the fuck is Shouto btw. or is he the one that got stuck carrying Endeavor’s jacket

loool look at Hawks out here making friends

SURPRISE BITCH

oh my god though you guys look at this??

HELLO SURPRISE NEW FAVORITE SERIES OF PANELS, CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO LOVE ON YOU A BIT HERE, BECAUSE

1. Bakugou and Deku IN PERFECT SYNC, not even thinking about it. just effortless. that was an amazing tag team thing you guys had going on before SOMEONE stepped in and ruined it all omg. do you want me to talk to Hawks for you. I’ve been meaning to discuss some other things with him anyway so it’s not like it’d be going out of my way. can you believe this fucking pigeon blocked my number. WHERE IS JEANIST YOU BASTARD

anyways 2. “I thought Endeavor might have been in a tough spot” that’s a funny way of saying “I was lonely and missed my angry arson dad”! and fucking look at this ridiculous bantering between them. “did it look like I was in a tough spot?” I FUCKING CAN’T YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP

and 3. Shouto just watching. is he impressed by his dad? or just trying to figure out whether Hawks is his dad’s adopted son or boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, Shouto, but I don’t blame you for being confused, Hawks just has that kind of energy with everyone

oh my god

somebody arrest this man. I can’t fucking deal with your cheeky fucking face Hawks

is Skeptic getting all of this?? are they sitting there with bowls of popcorn back at the League of Pliff HQ trying to figure out whether Endeavor and Hawks are dating

...and shit, I just realized the League officially knows now that the disaster trio is interning with the number one. so that’s fucking great. not that it would have been a secret for long, but still, things are officially starting to get real. in hindsight, after the Kamino arc we had a nice long stretch of chapters in which Deku, Kacchan, and Shouto were not in immediate danger from the main fucking villains, so that was nice while it lasted I guess. those days will soon be behind us

ahhhklkljkl

fucking shit Hawks could you be any more ominous. oh my god this arc really is going to kill me

so now we’re cutting away to somewhere. Pliff?

-- oh, nope, still in the same place, we just fast-forwarded to the part where the police came to haul all the bad guys away

and now the manga is being all clever and foreshadowing-y and would you look at this

BUT IS HE TALKING ABOUT ENDEAVOR, OR HAWKS omg. or hell, he could even be talking about Deku. or AFO even though he’s not actually there. point is, you know he’s not actually wrong. but what is he actually trying to tell us ahhhhhh Servant of the Stars please reveal your secrets

(ETA: in all seriousness you guys, I’m fully down for counting this as a prophecy. it’s already canon that future-seeing quirks are a thing, so. the only problem is that this is some Game of Thrones-level ambiguity as far as who he’s actually talking about. it seriously could be anyone. anyways at least we’ve got some shiny new theory material to play around with here so that’s nice.)

LMAO

HAWKS YOU BASTARD, JUST LIKE THAT I’VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THE FUCKING JEANOCIDE

how does every single person Deku meets not greet him this way?? I sure as hell would. “well if it isn’t the kid who just. fuckin blew up his own hands on live television, multiple times. salutations”

anyways where’s Katsuki, the boy whose previous hero mentor you murdered in cold blood but he doesn’t actually know that yet. when are we gonna start in on that?

Hawks says he’s heard about Deku from Tokoyami. and he even says he would have liked to work with Deku too, wow. that’s high praise

ffffff here it comes, THAT GOOD HAWKS ANGST. WE WERE WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT’S STILL BRUTAL GAH

is this entire arc just going to consist of Hawks saying cryptic things with double meanings known only to him and then glancing sideways at the camera all broodingly omg

AH, THERE HE IS

Katsuki’s natural instinct to dislike 100% of newcomers on sight might work out to his advantage here. Hawks’s maxed-out Charisma stats VS Katsuki’s middling Perception stats which nonetheless have a tendency to land high whenever he performs an ability check! I might need to back off from this metaphor though before it becomes really obvious that I don’t actually play D&D

lol

omg Endeavor can’t a guy just drop in on his grumpy pal out of the blue to make sure he’s doing okay without having some sort of ulterior motive? why are you so sure that Hawks showing up means that plot must be happening. because you’re not wrong, is the thing. but he’s probably just being standoffish for show

holy shit and now Hawks is just pulling out the Liberation Army’s book just like that?? IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT

(ETA: “let’s see, what’s a subtle way I can try and clue Endeavor in on the fact that I’ve become an undercover agent in the Paranormal Villain League of Liberation Front Armies. ... ...shit I’m not good at this.”)

and since when was this book called “Paranormal Liberation Front”?? did they change the title to match the new name?

and what’s Hawks’s game here, though? is he going to play it as though he’s secretly investigating Pliff? you know, like he actually is doing? is this some kind of hiding in plain sight thing or what

guys. is Hawks just... actually really bad at being a secret agent. omg

so he’s all “DESTRO’S IDEALS ARE EVERYTHING WE COULD ASK FOR” and lol what. fucking look at Endeavor’s face though

this motherfucker could use a boost of his own wisdom stats, fff

(ETA: swear to god he’s two seconds away from a Katsuki-style “hah?!”)

oh my god

fucking fuck me. he better have highlighted a really obvious section of that book, because otherwise I’m not gonna hold out hope for this message getting across at all. at least we know what that “recommendation” title was referring to now I guess

(ETA: Endeavor: [reading the highlighted section backwards] “‘‘it’s fun to smoke marijuana’!? what in the --”)

loooool

the fate of the world now rests upon Endeavor’s abilities to See Underneath The Underneath and somehow decipher that when Hawks says, “ENDEAVOR I CHASED YOU DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU A COPY OF THIS BOOK THE VILLAINS WROTE, I THINK IT’S REALLY KEEN AND YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT”, what he’s really saying is, “ENDEAVOR I NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE THIS SUSPICIOUS ‘LIBERATION FRONT’ THAT’S BEEN COINCIDENTALLY GATHERING A LOT OF ATTENTION SINCE THAT SHADY INCIDENT IN DEIKA CITY WHERE ‘TWENTY GUYS' BASICALLY DESTROYED AN ENTIRE TOWN. IF YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON ANY OF THAT, I HIGHLIGHTED THE RELEVANT PORTION OF THE BOOK SO HOPEFULLY EVEN AN OBLIVIOUS DUMBBELL LIKE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.” jesus christ

at least Endeavor now has some nerdy interns who fucking love to read. hell, Deku has probably already read the book. please help this dumb jock to understand his bird son’s coded message, Deku-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope

and that’s the end of the chapter! except that I heard there was a new poster for Heroes Rising that was released as well! how come it wasn’t included here now I have to go hunt it down

son of a bitch is this really the best quality that’s available? damn

well all right. not really much going on here that’s a big revelation or anything, aside from the surprise inclusion of Hawks in the upper right hand corner. did we know he was going to be in this? and like, even if the anime does make it as far as his debut in season 4, will it have reached that point by the time the movie premieres in December? glad I caught up beforehand if they’re gonna start spoiling things like this

so that’s all she wrote for this week! databook is due out next week so that should be fun! we’re finally going to get Hawks’s real name from what I understand. so I can start yelling at him using his full name like a disappointed mom. I have a feeling that’s going to come in handy a lot during this arc. go to your room young man

(ETA: and just watch it be the Japanese equivalent of “Judas McMurder” or some shit. smh. y’all. we stan a shady bitch.)

118 notes · View notes

elizas-writing · 6 years

Text

How I Would Fix The Last Jedi

So it’s been a while since The Last Jedi premiered and with the initial hype and anger settling down, more people are looking at it through a proper critical lens. The more posts I see critiquing The Last Jedi, the more I’m starting to realize it’s got a lot more problems than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I still like it and found certain elements the best of the franchise, but perhaps I focused a little too much on being positive just to drown out all the anger (which to be fair, most of it was unwarranted to begin with). And thankfully now that most of the more pissy fanboys quieted down, I can post this in peace.

This film’s biggest problem was the lack of a good editor to keep the pacing consistent and allot the right amount of character development for everyone. So I’ll be addressing some of the major concerns with The Last Jedi and analyzing where and how problems could be fixed.

1. Leia’s Fate

Given Carrie Fisher’s death, some fans were anticipating Leia would possibly be killed off during The Last Jedi. But since she’s still alive at the very end, now they’re going to have to find a way to do that off screen unless they have enough spare footage from The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi to fill the gaps. To be totally fair with how much they filmed with Carrie, this was probably the best they could do without reshooting most of the film and pushing back the release date. Plus, this is the last time we’ll get to see her--- let me have Super Leia in Space. I think the only way they could work around this would be to record lines mentioning her depleting health given how long she was in space, even with using the Force to save herself. It’d at least give some foreshadowing that maybe she won’t make it to see the Rebellion win and drive our main heroes to follow in her footsteps.

2. No Memorial for Han Solo?

Yes, more than two years passed and the shock of Han Solo’s death faded for the fans, but for the characters, only mere hours passed. Leia lost her husband, Chewie lost a best friend, Rey lost a father figure, and Luke lost a brother-in-law. They should still be torn up about this, especially Luke given all his guilt on failing his nephew. It’s really hard to believe that there wasn’t even so much as a memorial for one of the greatest heroes of the Rebellion. Imagine how much more gut-wrenching the opening would be if they were caught off guard while mourning Han.

I want more of Rey depressed and angry that the one father figure she’s known was offed by his own son without mercy. I want more of Luke’s guilt eating him which increases his reluctance towards training cause he doesn’t know if this will happen again and who else he’ll lose. Han’s death should still have a massive impact on the story and where the Resistance will go without a legendary fighter with such a special spark you won’t find anywhere else in the galaxy.

3. Admiral Holdo’s Reckless Shit

It’s really hard to gauge if I actually like Admiral Holdo because the film is back-and-forth between pulling the rug from under us with the character drama and forgetting the high stakes of their present situations. I get that Poe is hot-headed and needs to learn patience, but c’mon, you’re losing precious ships and lives the longer you stall and don’t just tell this trigger-happy nut what’s going on. She has no reason to be so secretive, and it’s just plain irresponsible given the small size of the Resistance. There’s no effort on her end as a leader to work together with some people, and unfairly talks down to them like children. And I know Leia does this too with Poe when she demoted him, but they have a quasi-mother/son dynamic where it works because they were working together longer than Poe has with Holdo. They might as well be strangers for almost two hours.

I definitely don’t hate Holdo as much as the rest of the fandom does, but we need more of her side with nuance on the divide and finding balance between fighting and self-preservation, especially as she leads in place of Leia and the two were close friends for decades. But you don’t get that connection and how much the Resistance means to her mere minutes before she dies. She comes off way too heartless than necessary for this side-plot. And it sucks because it’s a fascinating struggle between action and self-preservation in regards to rebellion and knowing when to do what to make actual progress, but it’s buried too deep in the subtext underneath the needless bickering between Holdo and Poe. Just show what she’s up to from the get-go, validate her reasoning, and allow her to be a likable character so her major sacrifice actually feels earned and not a last minute sympathy grab for Poe to learn a lesson.

4. What was Benicio del Toro’s Character Again?

Oh yeah, DJ.... I legit had to Google to remember the character’s two-letter name. And if that’s not enough to say he has no purpose in this movie, I don’t know what is. I get that he’s supposed to parallel Lando Calrissian when he tricks Han Solo back in Empire Strikes Back. But while Lando still had screentime afterwards to double-cross the Empire and join the Rebellion anyway, DJ just freaking disappears, and it’s never addressed what happens to him after turning in Finn and Rose. Honestly, if you wrote him out of the movie, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. And it sucks, because this side plot had great themes going on with war profiteering and the apathy towards both the Resistance and the First Order so long as one has something to gain from their deals.

If you’re going to parallel Lando’s arc from Empire, don’t cut it short when it’s getting good and have DJ consider the consequences of his actions, regardless if he joins the Resistance or not. Set up some foreshadowing for the next movie where DJ is completely working for the First Order or the Resistance and realizes how much picking a side does matter with rising authoritarianism. It has great potential for whether or not he’s redeemed with how long his apathy will take hold so long as he makes a quick buck.

Or better yet, just entirely replace DJ with an older Lando who lost his sense of hope with the rise of the First Order and hides away on Canto Bight waiting for age to catch up to him, living in blissful ignorance while the rest of the galaxy crumbles. He’s the decoder Finn and Rose were looking for all along and this was Maz’s way to coerce Lando back into the Rebellion. Much like Luke, Lando is reluctant to fight and see any hope, but upon hearing of Han’s death and Leia’s condition, regret eats him for all the years he spent away from his closest friends and just wasting his life on gambling and drinking. He finally agrees to help Finn and Rose, but they only get so far before getting caught by the First Order, just barely escaping with their lives and reuniting with the rest of the Resistance for the film’s climax.

5. Finn Overcoming Stormtrooper Past

youtube

I think this deleted scene speaks for itself on all the missed opportunity in developing Finn. That’s not to say he’s totally devoid of screentime as it’s still fun to see him with Rose exploring Canto Bight and getting caught up in their own misadventures. But many were hoping this would be the perfect time to explore his traumatic past and how Stormtroopers work in this world. Maybe he’d try to go back, save them from the brainwashing and help them realize they’re just senselessly murdering innocent people for nothing.

Holdo even has a line where she refers to Finn as a Stormtrooper almost in disgust, so you’d think there would be more time to show his change over to the Resistance and proving himself not just as a powerful ally, but someone who is more than their past. Someone who can finally break the cycle of children being taken away from their families to become disposable soldiers. But his battle with Phasma comes and goes so quickly and doesn’t leave as big of an impact as it should, and much like Force Awakens it feels like they’re playing great cards far too early. This deleted scene works so much better when you see the gears turning in the Stormtroopers when they realize their leader is just a massive coward, and it ends perfectly with Finn proudly calling himself “rebel scum.” It’s still beyond me why this scene was scrapped. They either needed to keep this in or have Phasma survive and make a grand final battle for Episode IX.

I want that spark of rebellion to ignite in the Stormtroopers where they realize “wait, what the hell are we even fighting for?” and dismantle the First Order from the inside out by Episode IX. It’d make a great parallel to the prequels and Order 66 but completely recontextualized in a story of rebellion and redemption. Throw in some of the Resistance saving children from growing up into soldiers, tragically epic scenes of sacrifice, and boom, there’s a climax of Episode IX practically writing itself.

6. Shut up Ben Solo-Organa

Now, I like Kylo Ren as a villain-- he’s similar to Anakin Skywalker’s whininess in the prequels except made legitimately terrifying with the fragile toxic masculinity of wanting to be stronger and powerful by any means necessary. However, I can’t do the woobifying, both from large sects of the fandom and Rian Johnson. I would be a lot more forgiving of his character development in The Last Jedi if Johnson made Kylo Ren’s intents more clear without implying any romance between him and Rey-- fucking really (and sorry, not sorry, the only thing I ship Kylo with is a swift kick in the ass).

I get that we need temptations of the dark side as part of the classic Star Wars story, and I love the twist on it where Kylo turning to the dark side was ultimately his choice and not because Luke failed him-- especially as killing Snoke didn’t flip him back to the light like when Vader killed the Emperor. But the heart of that particular recontextualization should be on the student-teacher relationship between Rey and Luke and not Kylo Ren sniveling like an infant. It walks a thin line of making Kylo Ren almost too sympathetic and forgetting how he ended up with the First Order to begin with. I don’t care how many puppy dog faces he makes; as shown by the end of the film, he’s not ready for redemption, if it will ever be in his grasp. His excess screentime of what we already know undermines Rey and Luke’s relationship which should be the focus of the former’s arc in The Last Jedi. But unfortunately, it isn’t as strong as it was with Luke and Yoda or Obi-wan and Anakin because the film has to juggle with a dozen other plotlines and characters.

Hopefully with J.J Abrams back in the directing chair, maybe he can steer the focus back on the films and what the fans really want. Granted, I don’t think The Last Jedi deserved nearly the level of vitriol it got within the last year, but even I couldn’t ignore some of the major problems and missed opportunities to get its themes across.

If you enjoyed this fix-it and what I do here, consider buying me a ko-fi to show your support!

#star wars #star wars the last jedi #the last jedi #star wars viii #star wars viii the last jedi #rian johnson #fix it #my writing #opinion #editorial

3 notes · View notes

haechanfairie · 6 years

Text

yukhei pet store au

hi!! i wrote this as a birthday present for @yukheart and decided to share it on here! anyways enjoy :)

so every day one time u have a rough day right

it's like 2 pm in the afternoon and ur in ur car and ur crying and a spotify ad is playing and u are Not having a good time (this is highly specific but bear with me)

so you sorta like,, stop by like a pet store bc u love??? animals??? so of course they'll cheer u up

at least u hope they will

and so u walk in and it kinda smells like wet dog but ur kinda living for it

and its like, a Big store, and ur just tryna find the dogs right

it's like an Ikea like at some point you sorta drift around

until you bump into this dude who looks like he's having the time of his life

and u take one look at him and ur like,, oh boy,, that's a cute boy,, very tall boy,, hansom boy,,,,nice looking,, dude ohohh,,, boy

he takes one look at u and he's like

“hey buddy u good??”

and u sorta just,, grimace

and u ask him where the dogs are and he immediately is like “oop b i got u” and grabs ur wrist

he's got like…. really big hands?? and long fingers and ur sorta just in a daze bc a cute boy??? taking you?????? to see dogs???????? is this a dream?????

and he's going with a Quickness too and ur tryna keep up but he's too fast (somebody get his beautiful long bodied ass to the olympics bc ya boy got S p e e d)

anyways after y'all take like 5 sharp corners and 3 slides into aisles you finally get to the dog adoption area

and its a cute little pen with like dogs running everywhere being herded by some of the workers

and y'all finally stop to fuckin b r e a t h e thank goodness

and you look at him and u finally realize how much of a fuckin adonis ya boy really is

like he tall,, but his body his fully proportioned

he got shoulders that span as wide as the grand canyon,, and they're big and muscular and bursting from his pastel pink uniform polo

and the polo stretches across his back u can can literally s e e his back muscles move when he does its wild

and his ears are so cute what the fuck

he got like,,, really long fingers bruh… they still wrapped around ur wrist and ur like,,,,,,,, sweating hella

and his legs!!!!! go on!!!!! for fuckin miles!!!!!! and they t h i c k too and honestly ur getting tired of his beautiful self

don't even get me started on his smile djsbzjxjxjz it's so pretty

wow it's getting pretty warm in here anYwAys

you look out and all u can see,, are dogs

big dogs, little dogs, fluffy ones, smooth ones, and you're so like,,, really Happy about it

and you look back up at this dude who's looking back at you with the sweetest grin you've ever seen and ur heart is really warm

also u finally read his nametag lmao and u learn that his name is yukhei!! ur like,,, wow what a beautiful name,, for a beautiful dude,,,,,,,,,,

and while ur thinking all this mushy shit homeboy deadass just yeets himself over this pen’s fence

and ur like,, lmao what the fuck

and you watch as he opens the fence and the minute ur in the dogs sense ur presence and its over for you then and there

bc a bunch of dogs start running in ur general direction

but in particular, this one husky makes a beeline for yukhei and this other corgi makes a beeline for u bc its curious

and the corgi is the most adorable thing after and its trying it's best to keep up with the husky but the husky has no fuckin time to wait for a n y o n e only for yukhei big mood

and so the husky basically jumps into yukhei’s arms and yukhei??? doesn't??? topple over????? fuck kinda s t r e n g t h??

and the corgi finally makes it to u and ur like “:(( i lov u” and ur both having the time of ur lives

and yukhei starts walking you around introducing you to the dogs and the husky stays by his side the entire time sjdbsjadmfjdkj

u learn the husky’s name is gregory, which is weird, and the corgi’s name is lil taki,, which is also weird

and yukhei is all like “this German Shepard here is named teacup and this terrier here is named saint louis, and this one here is-” like he knows,,, all the names

and all his coworkers are like “yukhei?? and some person who looks like they've been through too much today?? looking at dogs as they follow them all around?? seems legit”

and like, yukhei is magical with these dogs like some random dog will paw at his leg and he'll be like “ah yes chester needs his daily brushing give me like,, 2 seconds-”

he really loves these dogs okay sjdhfjskdkgj

and you?? are having such a good time

lil taki is adorable and if ur apartment allowed dogs you'd definitely try and get him

you lose track of time and like,, realize that it's 7 pm sjdhdjss u spent 5 very well spent hours looking at dogs with a really fuckin hot cute guy and u can't say you regret it

and the whole time he was gushing about these dogs and being cute and everything

so when you have to leave his face drops for a moment before asking hopefully with a soft pink blush “hey u gonna come back??”

and ur like “fuckin,, definitely dude”

and so start to come back every other saturday for like,, two hours

and ur friends are like “??? why ???” and ur like “ :^)))))) ”

and then at some point you just start coming every week

and you and yukhei bond over a lot of stuff

he gets ur digits and sends u pics of the dogs when he can

he also updates u on lil taki daily

he opens up to you about why he likes animals so much and u learn that he’s studying to be a vet

and every time he uncovers something and about himself to you he gets all weird and blushy and ur like :( cutie pie with big fucking hands and long ass fuckin fingers f u c k

like he tells you about that one time his friend jungwoo slipped on ice then pulled his ass down tryna get back up and they ended up falling down a hill rip

or that time he got acrylic nails on a dare and honestly?? he both hated it and loved it (bc when he was roasting mark and he was moving his hands this way and that?? they were killing it) but he took it off after a day only bc he couldn’t type on his phone all that well jshdjsjdmv

like at some point you just start leaving together when his shift ends (which is at like 8 pm) too like y'all are Besties at this point

and all his coworkers are like “;^) !!” and ur like “???”

and sometimes he takes u out to eat like 5 things of large fries together at mcdonald's and y'all have a good time

he's always smiling at you :((

he feeds you fries sometimes and he's a l w a y s blushing and smiling and ur like ,, pls stop

sometimes y'all walk in the park and/or get ice cream

and at some point y'all get to platonic (lmao not really) hand holding

and he's like fuck it imma flirt

but u think?? it's it's a joke??????????

and they're all like lame pick up lines bc he's lame but really cute okay and ur like “akekekeke” and he's like “haha i'm serious :)”

like every time he sees u he's like “are you a volcano???? bc i lava you :DDD”

or like “do you smoke pot?? bc weed be cute together!!!!! :DDDDD”

like stupid lame pick up lines but they still make ur heart skip a beat

and he always complains to jungwoo,, a fellow coworker on his break bc he's like “they don't like me :’(”

and jungwoo's like “bitch,,,,, just tell them straight up and also leave me alone bc pretzel the parakeet is on my ass for feeding him some new shit and he's not having it okay i'm tryna figure this out dude”

and lucas is like “:( ”

and jungwoo sighs and is like “just confess to them like,, idk ,, a normal person? get them flowers??? chocolate?? anything they likes????????”

and lucas is like “ :D ”

and so after A Lot of brainstorming he figures something out

and he's like “hey buddy,,, :) let's go to mcdonald's” and ur like “lit okay”

and so after y'all get there he orders like 10 large fries and ur like “?? what the occasion” and he just grins and ur blinded lmao bc Wow

and so you sit down at a table and he stands to receive ur order

and then he hands u this letter and he's kinda shy about it

and ur still like ????

but you take it

and basically the entire thing is him waxing poetry about how much he likes u and ur like “haha w h a t”

like he starts it with “are you a camera?? bc every time i look at u all i do is smile” and ur like :’( my heart

he mixes a bunch of pick up lines into it

and he ends it with “roses are red, my face is too, and that only happens when i’m around you” and ur like :’’’’’’)

and while you read this letter ya boy sitting across from you stuffing his face with fries bc he's so nervous

when u finish the letter u realize that he's already eaten like three boxes and u cackle

and his face falls bc he thinks ur laughing at his letter (as if you ever would)

but then u lean over and kiss his cheek and he's like !!!! :’D !!!!

and basically y'all hold hands and are a mushy couple eating fries in a mcdonald's and smiling all cute and shit like wow my heart

and he walks u home!! and give u a kiss on the forehead :(( it's so soft

or instead of the mcdonald's scene

when his shift ends, he's like “i got a surprise for u buddy :)” and ur like that ominous but go off ig

but then u see lil taki running towards u and ur face lights up like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and you pick him up bc even tho u saw him like 20 minutes ago ur still like “my child”

but he's got?? something tied to his collar??

and you find that it's a letter

and you sorta let lil taki go, who rund to yukhei

and u read it

and yukhei is a nervous mess and lil taki is pawing at him like “pet me b”

and when u finish reading it u smile really big and ur like “i like you too!!”

and he's like “oh thank god”

and u go to hug him and he kisses u on the cheek and u like :’( babe

and he hugs u and its sweet

and then lil taki starts barking bc he's like “pay!!! attention!!! to!!! me!!!!!!” and y'all pet him for a while before putting him to sleep

and he walks you home!! and he holds ur hand with his big ass hands and ur both just so,,, so soft :’)

and when jungwoo finds out he's like “!!!! uwu !!!! good job yukhei u finally got ur shit together” and then proceeds to expose lucas for all the times he'd talk about you to everyone else lmao

okay i'm done sjdbdjabxn

51 notes · View notes

prorevenge · 6 years

Text

Thanks for the massage bruh!

This happened couple years ago. Long story, TL:DR at the end.

I was a student and i was working shit tons to be able to pay for my school. I was driving a cab or a limo at nights so I usually would skip classes except exams or finals. It was one of days that i had to be in school for a final exam. This exam would determine if i need to go another semester or not.

I borrowed my friends car that day. I was kinda hungry. After a quick drive thru, i grabbed some burger king. We hit a red light. I knew it was a long one. I pulled out fries, opened a ranch sauce and i was enjoying the fuck out of them fresh fries. Until i look at the rear view mirror. I was the very first car at the lights, in a super busy street. I saw a buick in the mirror, coming at me really fast. I totally knew that he/she wouldn't be able to stop. I put it on park, pushed the hand brake (i'm still holding the ranch sauce.)and stepped on the brake so she won't hit and push me to the crossing street. Sure enough she hit the brakes, her car slided and rear ended me. It was a noisy hit but i knew it wouldn't damage the car too bad. Being a driver gives you that experience. It was the 4th time i was rear ended that year. Big city traffic. Smh.

I got out of the car, looked at the driver first, she was in shock. I looked at the cars, they were okay. My bumper was a little messed up, her grill and headlight was broken. No big deal. I approached her and asked if she is okay. She was in shock, she couldn't talk, even roll down the window. After a minute or two, she got out and asked if cars are ok. Uhmm, yes they are, thanks for asking if i am okay.

I told her that we are blocking a main intersection here. I also told her that i am a chauffeur so this happens, just to comfort her. Let me have your insurance card and driver license in exchange of mine so we both can go our ways. She wanted to call her husband first. I said sure but hurry up. We are not only blocking the road, i also have a final exam that i had to take in 20 mins. Her husband (the actual asshole) yelled at her a bunch, told her that we have to call a police and i am trying to scam her! I said "police won't even come for this small accident, we will have to go to the station ourselves", which i can't because i have school to go to. Nope, they were insisting. There is a police station two blocks away. I told her to follow me.

We are in front of the police station. I told her once again, explained my situation. I had to be in school in 10 mins. It is super important for me, especially since i am on a student visa. Also, i have no fault in this, why am i losing a lot as an outcome???

She didn't even care and said "i'm gonna call my husband again, you better shut up.". At this moment, i was pissed and i almost decided on making her regret. She called the husband and dude asked me on the phone. The moment i grabbed the phone, he started hardcore swearing, mocking with my accent, told me to go back to my country, threatened that he will find me and whoop my ass and all that good stuff. Awesome! That just sealed the deal. Before hanging up, i told him to have fun paying the bills and see him in the court. He said "do it bruh!"

At that moment, lady realized that i am mad and i am gonna screw them over big time. She started begging me to not to go inside the police station. Fuck you lady. I walked in, holding her phone. I told the officer that this is her phone, pointed at her. I handed him my insurance card, driver license and my chauffeur license. In the city i was living, police are really nice to chauffeurs. If you are in an accident with a chauffeur license holder, most likely it is your fault they assume, so i had a head start on that. I told him how she rear ended me and i need an ambulance immediately. Police picked up the radio, or phone, idk which one. That lady's face was priceless. She is like "nooooo, don't do that, you don't need it." I am pretty sure i needed that. I told her that there would be consequences if i miss that final exam because of her stupidity. While we were doing the paperwork, accident report and stuff, ambulance arrived. I told them i am able to drive and i will come to the hospital with them. Usually they won't let that happen but hey, all i cared was the "ambulance fee" that would be charged in this case.

I was in the ER. This doctor came out and asked me to go with her. She was a super nice lady that asked me if what happened. My plan was to make them pay the ambulance and er walk in fee. I explained her exactly what happened, why i did this and how i feel completely fine. She said some people learn this way and this will be a good lesson to them rude people. She basically did check up and tests, just to make sure i am okay?!?. Not to make the bill bigger at all. And she said i may have some back pain, winked at me and wrote a chiropractor therapy sessions. Awesome. She told me to go to this doctor, tell him my situation, he will give me a massage or two. Even better!

I thank her and went to the chiropractor. He was the coolest old man ever. I told him the story. He swore at them a bunch. I didn't ask for this either but he wrote me off 25 sessions. He said "whenever you pick up a customer coming this way, stop by and get massage." Cool. I sure will do that. And i did that. When i left there, i knew i was screwed about the school but it was awesome to see someone getting screwed over by the system.

I didn't stop. I called my lawyer, who is taking care of all our (chauffeurs) traffic tickets, accidents, etc. I went to his office. He said he will sue them, no charge to me. Great, do that please. He did. Couple months later I received a letter from court for a court date. I was super excited to see that asshole and look at him in the eyes. My lawyer was with me. He told me 2354972938572 times not to talk to anyone except the judge. While we were waiting, their lawyer approached and asked us if we could sit down. Sure!

That asshole who was swearing, threatening and talking shit to me was the nicest guy in the earth with his sorry ass. He apologized, said that he kinda deserved it but what i did was too much. It was a feeling that i can't describe in words. I lift my eyebrows, nodded my head and turned around. I don't remember the exact details of the case but i received $1200 in mail, which i donated to children's hospital. My gain was those legit massages and that fugly face i saw at the court, which was more than enough for me. I don't know how much it cost to him in total and i feel kinda bad because this is much more that what i wanted to to at the first place. But hey, never be an asshole to people that are trying to help you out, especially if it is your fault.

TL DR: I got rear ended, sweared, threatened and i sent them a big enough bill.

(source) (story by deleted)

#pro revenge #by throwawaylinq #prorevenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge

1K notes · View notes

flutterbyhime · 6 years

Text

So, like everyone, I’ve got some thoughts on Voltron Season 7. Spoilers inbound so... skip this if you still haven’t watched it. Which you should, because despite at least half the fandom acting like it’s the end of the world, season seven is actually pretty goddamn engaging. Like “oh, I’m just gonna watch the first three or so episodes and call it a night. I’ll watch the rest tomorrow.” followed by “It’s nearly three in the morning and I have finished Voltron season seven.” engaging

Okay. So I just want to give everyone a quick warning apart from spoilers, that I am not super used to writing reactions/reviews. Usually I just mule it over in my head, talk it out with some friends, and then that’s about it. BUT~~ since I’m the only one in group of friends that loves Voltron and I would like them to watch it at some point without certain story beats spoiled, I figured I would write out my thoughts this time. You know, try and put my thoughts, praises, and criticisms in a concise and constructive piece. And while I realize that some of the things I’m going to say are probably gonna invite some interesting...responses on my post or inbox, my first few browses of the Voltron tag haven’t actually shown constructive/concise criticisms outside of how the writers handled Shiro’s relationship with Adam (something that I’ll go into detail later. The actual relationship and what I think the text is, feeding on my first Voltron season 7 post, that is. The whole backlash to the writing I do in the next paragraph).

Which, speaking of how the writers handled Shiro and Adam’s relationship! First things first, I just want to say that I can see and understand why a lot of people are upset. Voltron has grown to mean a lot of things to the fandom, and with the news that Shiro is a gay man serving in the military with a long term relationship that was leading to marriage before Kerberous Mission was really exciting. It was fantastic to get a beloved character to be confirmed to be apart of the LGBT+ community. It still is in my book. The fact that Shiro has been through a lot of shit and still has hope and love to give to his newly found family already made him an amazing character. And with his confirmed sexuality, it’s like extra decorative and delicious strawberries on an already amazing proverbial cake. It brings that much more depth and interest in a character that could have very easily been a one note character. And for me, the confirmation announcement and the announcement that we would see parts of Shiro’s life pre-Kerberous was exciting. Of the core cast, the person we know the least about in terms of home life was Shiro. With everyone else, we either knew or learned some aspect of how their lives were before this grand space adventure happened. But we never really knew with Shiro beyond he took in Keith at some point and that he was a prisoner of a ten thousand year old war for about a year. So the glimpse of how he met Keith, came to took him in, and how his relationships were before leaving for Kerberous was a welcome story addition (also greatly needed from a character stand point in my opinion. Shiro was starting to get a touch...mythical). So with what we saw of Shiro and Adam was a fight about Shiro wanting to do the Kerberous Mission, followed later by Adam passing in a first wave offensive and later with Shiro realizing that Adam died, yeah... I see why a lot of people are upset. And if you are upset, I completely understand. You have every right to be upset. But here’s the thing. Sending hate or being nasty to the writers and the cast isn’t going to help. What will help is giving actual feedback to Dreamworks and the writers. Whatever passion you feel for the show will come through, but an off the hip reaction doesn’t give someone a lot to go off of. Being calm and concise does though. Again, you can be disappointed and upset, but you can voice it in a way that doesn’t come off as an attack (which is what a lot of initial criticism read to me). Joaquim Dos Santos, an executive producer of Voltron, wrote a wonderful open letter to the fandom addressing all this that you should read. A lot of it puts a number of things into clearer light.(https://twitter.com/JDS_247/status/1029181981572050945) And I don’t want to get tin-foil-hat on you guys, but something tells me that the writers and producers had to fight to get ANY LGTB+ representation in, let alone confirm it. Which is sad, but Voltron is still a kids show. And I wouldn’t be surprised that some stuffy, out of touch white guys in suits said that you can’t do the gay thing because children can’t be corrupted or some similar bullshit. So be mad, be upset, be loud. But be loud at Dreamswork. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if the writers and producers were showing all this backlash to the suits and going “YOU HAVE TO LET US GIVE THEM THE GAY FOR SEASON EIGHT. LOOK AT HOW MUCH THE AUDIENCE IS DEMANDING IT! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE BUYING THE MERCHANDISE FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” Because I sure as fuck would.

And with that out of the way, let’s move on to some positive things!

This season was actually well-written. Were there mis-steps? Yes, but again (and getting a litte tin-foil-hatty here), I feel like certain elements were probably more studio driven than writer driven (looking at you Axca and your weird stares at Keith!). But overall this season was excellently written. The stakes were kept high, there was tension throughout, and the comic-relief episode was a wonderful play on fan headcannons (making Keith a terrible artists is something I’m still laughing about). And yeah, the last few episodes can be a little too similar thanks to all the action scenes, but at least the stakes were upped at each turn. And also, what better way to introduce the new big-bad than right after defeating Sendak?! It subverts the exception of a huge celebration with showing our heros that they may not have the chomps to fight against this new threat (which, let’s be real, it’s most likely Lotor and/or Haggar. If it’s not either of them, I will be thoroughly surprised).

One of my favorite things from season seven though is that is explores what happens after a major political leader of an empire is killed. It would have been so easy just to have another galra take the reigns of the Zarkon’s empire, but the writers went with the harder option of a bloody fallout. They showed a world/universe where people have formed their own factions and fighting for power, along with the mess that that creates. You honestly don’t see that a lot in fiction, let alone fiction aimed for younger audiences.

And let’s talk about episode five for a hot minute. It’s been a long time since I was legit terrified from a children’s show. Like since Avatar: The Last Air Bender (that blood bending episode still gives me chills). The set-up and pacing is so perfect. Starting light before slowly turning tragic, which only leads to the sheer-terror of not only the situation, but of how brutal and cruel the universe has gotten in Voltron’s absence. With so little, it makes the viewer question of what’s happened to other allies of Voltron. And considering it follows the game show episode, it’s the hard left turn I personally wasn’t expecting. But I’m not going to lie, it’s probably my favorite episode of the season. Also, I legit started tearing up when Keith called Krolia “Mom” and they hugged. While I wish there was more mother-son moments in general when in comes to Keith and Krolia, I think that moment alone showed how much Keith has grown. He may still have some abandonment issues, but it’s clear that the trust he has in his family is helping him overcome that. That he trusts Krolia to come back and that he trusts his team/new family to be there for him. And I’m hoping we get that explored some more in season eight. (#MoreActualSpaceMomPlease)

There’s also the fact that they made the four years of Sam Holt’s time back on Earth engaging to watch. While I think we all knew that they were going to explain what Sam, the Garrison, and Earth in general was doing before Voltron arrived, I was worried how they would handle this. This is exposition that’s very easy to make clunky and a slog to get through. I was worried even when the first shot was “Four Years Earlier...”. Even with two episodes dedicated to some very important exposition, this is stuff that I think any writer can tell you is tricky to pull off. Yes, Sam is Pidge and Matt’s father, and we get the bonus of Lance’s sister Veronica (#BestBigSister #MoreVeronicaAndLanceSeasonEight), people who we’re emotionally invested in because members of the core cast are, but this is still focus away from characters we’ve gotten to know and love for six seasons. These two episodes had to not only re-familiarize us with character we met briefly in season five, but had to reintroduce us to characters we’ve really only seen in episode one with brief cameos in various flashbacks, introduce us to both new characters and the command structure of the Garrison. And that’s a lot to do in less than a total of forty minutes. So the fact that it’s engaging and does not only that, but also clearly gives and raises the stakes for the rest of the season without ham-fisting it is impressive. We knew that Voltron was going to have to save Earth thanks to the trailer, but we didn’t know how dire the situation was going to be when we returned to Earth. Even though these were the episodes that Adam died, I still found myself emotionally invested. If anything, its inspired me to write AU fanfiction where I take all the ‘humans are space orcs and Earth is a death planet’ ideas and put them in there, having Sendak and the Galra lowkey realize that the Lions of Voltron probably chose the most-level-headed humans to the be the paladins because fuck man, earthlings be terrifying and maybe we should leave??? (I’m serious about this bit. I’ve been going through all my saved screen-shot pins of them on pinterest and making note of which ones I want to use)

I like how we get to see more of the relationships between all of Team Voltron and the core casts’s family. I like that we got to see more of Hunk’s story and how Lance’s relationship with his siblings is very much the same as Keith and Shiro’s in terms of the emotional bonds (seriously, the paralles between Lance and Keith when their siblings (or if you’re a Sheith shipper, loved ones) are in danger is great. The Klance shipper in me is on the floor in tears crying about how these two boys will sacrifice themselves if it meant that their loved ones would live. Thanks for emotionally wrecking me on that Voltron writers). I love that we got to see Colleen Holt reunite with her husband and straight up go “FIGHT ME” and win when Garrison command tells her she can’t stay because protocol, along with her being active in her own way. When she and Sam broadcast to their entire planet that an alien invasion is imminent, she doesn’t shy away from being the one to drop this bombshell. From the text, it appears that she fought long and hard trying to figure out what happened to her family long before Sam came back, I love that about her. She just wants to know her family is safe, or at least get some potential closure if their not, and she never backed down from that fight. So it’s great to see that reunion. And, quick aside, it’s clear from the visual text that she and Sam have a beautifully healthy relationship despite their years apart and they emotionally support one another. And I hope that we see more of that in the next season. And I’ve got high hopes for season eight for so many more reasons!

So now I guess I should address the one relationship that I said I would talk about at the start of all this. Shiro and Adam.

Okay, so some of you may have already read my thoughts on an earlier post how how I didn’t believe we were going to get a tearful and heartfelt reunion between the two. (here’s the link if you want to read it in full: http://kirika-hime.tumblr.com/post/176794551537/okay-before-season-7-of-voltron-is-up-ive-got-a It’s long, so sorry about that, but I’m going to be referencing it a bit here) And even with what little was given to us or even what could have been given to us, I can’t fully get behind Adam.

Yes, we pretty much just got a fight, but hear me out for a moment. First things first, that fight, when you’re paying attention to it, actually sounds like a fight between two adults who care for each other and have been gone over the topic ad nauseam. Adam sounds tired. Shiro sounds tired and frustrated. The topic of Shiro going on the Kerberous Mission when his health is probably beginning to decline is clearly something that has truly strained their relationship. The acting and the animation show that with so little. And here’s the thing with that, it makes me asks a lot of big questions. If Shiro had stayed and they had gotten married, would that strain still be there? Would Shiro potentially resent Adam for convincing him not to go on the mission? If he does, does that strain begin to grow into a rift? What if their relationship was already showing some cracks in the foundation and they didn’t realize it? What if the fight and their split actually healthy for the two of them? Would Sam and Matt still have gone the Kerberous Mission? And if they did, would Matt still even be alive? Would Sam find a way to escape? What about Pidge? Colleen? What happens to them? If Pidge is still demanding for answers, does Shiro demand for them as well? Does their relationship change? Does Pidge and Keith’s relationship change? Does Shiro get kicked out of the Garrison instead of Keith? Does Pidge still disguise herself And what about Voltron? Would the Blue Lion have been found at all? Or would Zarkon have found the others, including the Black Lion? Because if that’s what could happen, what does that mean for Allura and Coran? What does that mean for Earth? For Lotor and the Alteans he deceiving and manipulating? What about Romelle? What would have happened to her if Keith and Krolia never found her?

And I know a lot of these questions probably seem dumb and fanficcy to a lot of people, but I think they’re legit questions fans should ask. A lot of this story hinges on Shiro, Sam, and Matt going on the Kerberous Mission when you boil it down. So it’s important to explore how certain characters made certain decisions. I don’t doubt that Shiro went on the Kerberous Mission to fulfill his dream one last time. He had no way of knowing that he was going to be abducted. But I’m positive that he wanted to be out in space one last time. I don’t think it was about breaking records, like Adam seemed to suggest. I think it was one man trying to get as much joy and fulfillment out of his life before he was fully confined by his illness. Shiro didn’t want to have any regrets when that time came. And possibly, he wanted to show Keith that even when the deck is stacked against him, he could still do amazing things. And it’s also selfish. Which is great because it gives Shiro a character flaw! And we can see how it shapes him when rewatching previous seasons. The guilt he feels from how he left things with Adam, of how he left Keith behind, probably drove a lot of his decisions and choices during his time as a prisoner and as the Black Paladin. Adam may have said that he wouldn’t be waiting for Shiro when he returned, but that still doesn’t mean Shiro wants him, anyone, to experience the horrors of war. Not when he potentially keep that from happening. As a Paladin, he can potentially redeem a lot of his perceived mistakes. That’s what makes Shiro interesting! (It’s also what makes him so difficult to write)

Adam is in his right to not want to put up with Shiro’s selfishness. But I still hold from one argument from my previous post, that Adam gave up on Keith.

Now a lot of this is on assumptions and personal interpretation of the text (both actual words and visually) that’s been given to us, but I stand by that Adam gave up on a kid who needed him. No matter how you view Shiro and Keith’s relationship, Keith’s important to Shiro. He saw a lot of potential in a lonely child who, more than anything, needed someone to care about him beyond questioning if he was going to get into trouble or not. And as Shiro got closer to Keith, he saw a child who needed a family. A person who he could turn to when things started getting rough, for someone to be in his corner. Keith at a young age was difficult to get along with, the first episode of this season showed us that. He’s closed off, kids his age don’t really want to take the time to understand him, and it seems that most adults aren’t willing to invest in the time to tease and pull out his strengths or see the kid that feels deeply for his loved ones. Keith has a lot of emotional baggage, and combine it with whatever possible galra childhood tendencies he might have that no one could have known about, you have a really tough job on your hands. And that’s what makes Keith and Shiro’s relationship so powerful. That Shiro was able to see the potential in him. Not just to be a great pilot, but to be a great and loving person. Shiro never gave up on him.

But Adam did. Not once during episode seven or eight do we see Adam inquire after Shiro or Keith. Something that would have been so easy to include, and it never happened. Adam no doubt was the first person Shiro talked to when it came to Keith (followed most likely by Sam, because, hey. Sam’s got two kids, he’s gotta know a thing or two about parenting overly-talented children, right?). He probably tried to get feedback, ideas, even confirmation on how he was interacting and raising Keith. And considering how close Keith and Shiro are, Adam definitely met and interacted with Keith. Adam may not have fully agreed with Shiro pseudo-adopting Keith, but he saw how close the two were. He knew that Shiro was trying to give Keith the tools to succeed in life and get him out of a system that clearly did not care for him. And that could have been part of the reason why Adam loved Shiro. Like I said in my first post, I fully believe that Shiro asked Adam to look after Keith while he was gone. I still believe that Keith acted similarly to Pidge in trying to get answers after Kerberous went belly-up. And I still fully believe that when Keith was kicked out of the Garrison and left homeless. And I still fully believe that Adam did nothing to help. Nothing that was given to us indicates that Adam tried to reach out and support Keith when Shiro disappeared.

In fact, I’m more angry at Adam now than before season seven was released. He understandably ended things with Shiro. He was tired of watching the man he loved putting his personal goals/desires before his health and couldn’t watch anymore. He told Shiro that he wouldn’t be waiting for him anymore. And I get that. That sucks. Watching a person you love potentially destroying themselves hurts. The more you care about them, the more it hurts. But Adam, whether he meant it or not, included Keith in that. He cut Keith out of his life too. I don’t have any doubt that Keith tried to get Adam to help him in finding answers. Keith probably had his fair share of fights with Adam, trying to appeal to him that Shiro was too of a pilot for there to be an error, illness or not. That they have a right to know what happened to a person they love. And Adam shut him out. He abandoned Keith. Whether it was to deal with his own emotional pain over Shiro’s disappearance or that he never cared for Keith in a similar way that Shiro did, I don’t know. But his response was to abandon a child he knew had no one. We get no indication that Adam opened up his home for Keith, or that he tried to find out where Keith went when he left for the desert. And that’s what makes me angry. Is that Adam, whether he felt equipped to deal with Keith’s problems or not, abandoned a child who needed support more than ever. He didn’t have to care about Keith like a brother or a son, but he could have saw someone who was hurting as much as he was. Adam could have tried to talk to Keith and give him support. They could have potentially healed together over the loss of Shiro. But Adam let a young teenager, a child, feel abandoned once more and homeless on top of that.

I can’t forgive him for that. Nothing in the text, via words or visually, indicates that Adam tried to help or be there for Keith. And I really wanted to like Adam, but what I’ve got to work with says otherwise. Who knows, maybe season eight will prove me wrong. But until then, I just can’t.

2 notes · View notes

thebloggerbloggerfun · 7 years

Text

Something about Fate

Dean decides to go to a new psychic in town - just for the hell of it, of course - with his roommate Castiel, and doesn't get the reading he was expecting.

~5.2k

AO3

“Hey, Cas, have you ever been to a psychic?”

Dean watched as Castiel looked up from his book with his eyebrows pinched together.

“No.” A pause. “Why do you ask?”

Dean shrugged.

“Garth texted me. Apparently there’s one in town that he went to yesterday and he’s obsessed. He said she really knows her stuff.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow before returning his attention to the textbook he had sprawled across their kitchen counter, so he could eat and study at the same time - a sight that was not all that uncommon in their apartment.

“Psychics don’t exists, Dean,” he said, matter-of-factly, as he turned the page. “People who claim to be psychic are scammers hoping to draw in the desperate or the gullible. Garth is the latter, I’m afraid.”

“Hey, he’s not -”

“Remember when Gabriel told him that stop signs with a white rim around them were optional?”

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled out a stool on the opposite side of the counter from his roommate.

“Duh, Cas. I know that they aren’t legit. Everyone does. But at the very least they’re supposed to be super good at reading people and then you essentially pay them to tell you what their first impression of you is.”

A small smile crept its way across Castiel’s face.

“I could tell you that for free, you know.”

Dean flipped him off as he got up and pulled out an apple from the refrigerator, not even bothering to look back as he did so.

“Whatever. I think it could be kind of cool.”

“Then by all means...” Castiel wrote something down in a notepad and flipped to the next page. “I think you should do it. I have free time tomorrow if you’d like to find this psychic then.”

Dean tossed the apple between his hands.

“You’d come with me?”

“Of course. I would never miss the opportunity to witness someone predicting your death.”

Castiel laughed as Dean flipped him off again.

***

Dean parked at a McDonald's a block down from where his navigation app told him the psychic’s shop should be. He didn’t want Pam - the name Garth told him she went by - to be able to glean anything from the car he drove. Just in case.

“What do you hope to gain from this?” Castiel asked, keeping in perfect step next to Dean.

“I don’t know,” Dean said honestly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It’s like - haven’t you ever been curious about this stuff?”

“No.”

Dean nudged Castiel as they walked, unsuccessfully trying to get him to walk into a fire hydrant.

“Well, I am. All that mystical, supernatural mumbo jumbo - I think it’s kind of cool.”

Dean cleared his throat when he saw Castiel side-eyeing him.

“Again, I don’t believe in it. I’m just curious.”

“Alright,” Castiel said, failing to hide a smile.

They stopped outside of a small shop tucked between a tattoo parlor and a shady-looking law firm. On the window, painted in bright red lettering, was “Madame Pamela - Psychic Extraordinaire and Teller of Fortunes”.

The window above the door was shattered, as though a rock had been thrown through - but then again, this wasn’t the most pristine part of town.

“You’re sure about this?” Castiel asked, staring at the broken window.

Dean only winked and opened the door.

Inside, the smell of incense hit him like a punch to the face. The scent was almost overwhelming, but no more than he should have expected at a fortune teller’s shop.

A few trinkets were hung from the ceiling in various patterns down a cramped hallway, and the lights were kept as dim as they could be in the middle of the day.

“Are you here for a session with Madame Pamela?”

Dean looked over at a small desk at the end of the hallway, where a petite redhead was sitting with her hands clasped in front of her.

“Uh, yep. Sure am,” he said, walking further down.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Um...” Dean looked over at Castiel who shrugged. “No. I didn’t know I needed one.”

“That’s alright.” The redhead quickly flipped through a small notebook and smiled. “Madame Pamela has an unusually empty day today, so we could fit you in right now if you’d like.”

Dean ignored Castiel’s snort of derision.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Perfect.” The redhead looked back up and smiled pleasantly, also seemingly ignoring Castiel. “It will be forty dollars for a fifteen minute session. Will that be cash or credit?”

Dean bit back his exclamation of surprise and pulled out forty dollars in cash from his wallet.

He was starting to get the feeling that this wasn’t going to be as worth it as he’d first thought.

“Whenever you’re ready, feel free to enter through the door to your right.”

Dean blinked, only just noticing the door that was on the left-hand side of the hallway, with a small white bench just beside it.

“Oh. Okay. Do you want to tell her I’m here, or -”

The redhead smiled.

“She knows.”

“Oookay.” Dean looked over at Castiel who had sat himself on the bench next to the door. “Are you coming in?”

“I don’t want to distract her with my presence.” Castiel said, pulling out a small book from his bag. “You go in. I’ll be here.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders and pulled open the door.

This room was much bigger than the hallway they’d entered through, and had a curtain of dangling beads that Dean had to part before he could see the interior. It was softly lit with flickering candles; curtains covered the large painted window, and a rounded table in the shape of a crescent moon was in the center with a blue tablecloth covering it to the floor. On the other side of the table was a woman with brown hair and sunglasses, looking as un-fortune teller as Dean could possibly imagine. Instead of the stereotypical robes or whatever that he’d been expecting, he was instead looking at a woman in jeans and a tank top, shuffling cards over the table.

“Welcome, hun. Why don’t you take a seat and we’ll get started.”

“You’re the psychic?” Dean asked, suddenly wondering if this was all an elaborate trick.

“Sure am.” She gestured towards the seat in front of the table with a quick little upward tilt of her chin. “Sit down and I’ll prove it.”

Dean licked his lips and hesitantly seated himself down on the single chair. He fidgeted under the stare he could feel behind the sunglasses she was wearing.

“So, what kind of visit are you hoping for, handsome?” she asked, smiling politely as the sound of shuffling cards filled the room.

“Uh -”

“Career, school, wealth, love -” Pamela tilted her head and paused her shuffling. “Why did you bring your lover, only to have them wait outside?”

Dean frowned.

“Uh, I didn’t bring a… lover.”

Pamela nodded in understanding. “Right, right, of course. Excuse me, sometimes I mix up the present and future tense of the information I glean from clients.”

Dean sat back in the chair, squinting in confusion. Was this her way to throw him off - to read his reactions, or something?

“Cas and I… would never date,” Dean said, folding his arms against his chest.

It was true. Sure, he and Cas had been paired together as roommates during their freshman year and had gotten along just fine ever since, but that didn’t mean they would be lovers. Cas was too… Cas. Besides the fact that he didn’t know which way Cas swung, they were too different. From two totally separate walks of life.

It could never work.

Not that he’d ever thought about it.

Pamela smiled and fanned the deck of cards out evenly across the table in a swift, efficient gesture, and tapped the center of the table.

“If you wish to test Fate, then pick a card while thinking about your… not lover, then,” she said, crossing her hands in front of herself.

Dean chewed on his lower lip and studied the cards.

They were a rich gold color with a hint of blue interwoven on the backs - a blue that vaguely reminded him of Castiel’s eyes.

With a huff, Dean picked a card in the middle of the left-hand side of the deck and flipped it over, revealing a naked man and woman standing beneath a bright sun and angelic figure.

Written in fluid writing just below the artwork was “The Lovers”.

“There you have it.” Pamela grinned. “Even a blind woman like myself can see that you two can’t fight fate.”

“Bullshit.” Dean tossed the card in front of her. “This is rigged. They’re probably all the same card... and you’re probably not blind.” He almost regretted the words as soon as he'd spoken them, but he felt angry and defensive, and he shrugged off his doubts. The psychic was just having fun with him.

Pamela shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her chair. “Pick another card, then. Actually, pick two more. Then I can really do a reading.”

Dean scowled and picked one on the right-hand side of the deck, and the farthest left card, revealing what looked like a man and a woman exchanging goblets, and a figure sitting blindfolded in a chair while holding two swords across their chest.

“The Two of Cups and the Two of Swords.”

Pamela took the two cards from Dean’s hand and set them on each side of the previous card that he chose.

“Most people can’t run from fate, hun. You have one card that symbolizes love and partnership - a romantic union between two people -” She said, tapping on the two of cups, “- and one that is the epitome of a balanced and beautiful relationship. Fate has spoken.”

“I think Fate’s a little confused,” Dean said, then pointed at the card with the swords. “So, what about that one? It doesn’t look lovey dovey to me.”

“Well, that’s what makes this reading interesting.” Pamela held up the card and expertly spun it around in her hands a few times. “The man you brought with you - what’s his name?”

“You don’t know?” Dean retorted, feeling a little smug.

“It’s not something the universe wants to reveal to me, kid. But I am getting something -” She paused, taking the card and holding it up to her forehead. “- angelic?”

“His name is James,” Dean said bluntly, though he could already hear Castiel’s memorized speech about the Angel of Thursday in his mind.

Pamela hummed as though she wasn’t convinced.

“Anyway, I can sense that the man you brought with you is fated to be… let’s call him your soulmate. For lack of a better word.” Pamela placed the card between the other two. “Fate is doing all it can to bring the two of you together - so don’t be surprised when it feels like the universe is setting things up. But ultimately, the choice is up to you.”

She ran a finger down the middle of the figure holding the swords.

“The Two of Swords. The card of decisions. This tells me that there will come a time where you’ll have to make a choice about how you feel. A yes -”

Pamela held the card back up in front of Dean’s line of sight.

“- or a no.”

The card vanished with a twist of her wrist.

This had not been the reading that Dean had wanted. He’d expected to get some shit about school or maybe about some girls or whatever, but about Cas? No, this had passed well into the realm of ridiculous and had hit Dean’s threshold for bullshit.

“I choose ‘no’.” Dean stood abruptly and nodded his head once. “Thanks for the reading, but I have to get going.”

Pamela shrugged her shoulders and began gathering up the cards.

“You know the way out.”

Dean paused, waiting to see if she was going to say any last words - but when only the sound of silence was heard, he tugged the door open and shut it behind him.

Castiel looked up and replaced his bookmark.

“That was fast.”

“C’mon,” Dean muttered, shoving his hands into his jean pockets and waited for Castiel to open the door for him.

Castiel frowned as they walked out the door and back down the street.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah...” Dean shrugged his shoulders and attempted a smile. “You were right.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“About what?”

Dean nudged him playfully with his shoulder.

“It’s all bullshit.”

Dean glanced over when Castiel’s ‘I-told-you-so’ hum turned into a sound of confusion. In his hand was a tarot card, decorated in gold and blue trim.

“Where the hell did you get that?” Dean asked, snatching it from his friend’s hand.

“It was in my pocket.”

Dean turned it over to see the figures of the The Lovers staring back at him - mocking him.

“Do you know what it’s supposed to mean?” Castiel asked curiously, tilting his head as Dean stared.

“Nope.”

Dean tore the card down the middle and tossed the pieces into the nearest trash.

***

“Jesus, who’s yelling?”

Dean winced as he and Castiel began to pass an apartment complex after their psych test, where the sound of an argument from one of the top floors just above them began rising in volume.

“You know what? No! I’m done! Take your flowers, take your apology, and you can shove it all up… up where the sun don’t shine, you hear?”

Castiel gripped his textbooks tightly against his chest and made a face at Dean.

They paused, listening to the lower voice mumble something in response before-

“Leave! I said leave! I - I deserve better than you, Doug! I’ve learned that much.”

Dean raised a fist and gave an impressed nod to no one in particular.

There was a few moments of silence before a door slammed and a man in a police uniform began trudging down the stairs with his hands in his pockets and his head hung low, not even bothering to look up when he passed the two of them.

Dean whistled.

“Damn, I hope I never piss off -”

“I said to take your flowers!”

They looked up as a blonde woman leaned out the window above them, gripping a large bouquet of red roses, before tossing them forward and slamming the window shut behind her.

“Whoa, look out!”

Dean made a grab for them as the bundle fell directly towards Castiel’s face, and managed to catch them before impact.

Castiel blinked and shifted his books to rest over his heart.

“My hero.”

Dean made a face and studied the flowers. They were a, naturally, a little wilted, but a pretty expensive looking bouquet nonetheless. Whatever this Doug had done must have been pretty bad if the woman was refusing these.

He looked up when he heard Castiel chuckling.

“What?”

“It’s just -” Castiel shook his head. “Looks like you’re next to get married.”

Dean stared at the bouquet and dropped it onto the cement like it was a hot iron.

“Please,” Dean said with an eyeroll and picked up the pace again. “I’m never getting married.”

There was a brief pause before Castiel jogged to catch up with him.

“Really?”

“Well, yeah,” Dean said, trying his best to forget about that damn Two of Swords from a few days ago. “Why tie yourself down to one person forever, you know?”

He looked over to see Castiel frowning ever-so-slightly.

“What about you? You gonna get married?”

Castiel shrugged. “If I find the right person.”

Dean hummed and cleared his throat, letting his mind wander briefly to what it would be like married to Castiel. They already lived together so that wouldn’t change, but they’d each have a ring on their fingers and they would be able to -

That train of thought screeched to a halt, before it could run out of control.

Damn that psychic, Dean thought, shaking his head. He wouldn't even have entertained the thought, if she hadn’t put it in there in the first place.

“Do you believe in all that stuff? Like soulmates or whatever?” he asked, hoping to hear a loud and resounding “no” to put his mind at ease.

“I don’t know,” Castiel murmured, staring at his feet. “I believe that statistically, if one were to do the math, there would have to be one person on the planet that you would be the most compatible with - in regard to habits, love language, and DNA. So, scientifically, a perfect match might exist.”

Dean nudged him again.

“You believe in soulmates,” he said in a teasing voice.

“You believe in psychics,” Castiel shot back, shoving him forwards.

Dean rolled his eyes and brushed himself off.

“No, I don’t,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. “They’re all fake.”

He turned back around to find that Castiel had backtracked and was now picking up the bouquet of roses from where Dean had dropped them a few yards back.

He had them grasped in front of him and strode forwards, almost a perfect picture of what he imagined a bride would do on her wedding day.

“Seemed a shame to leave them.” Castiel said, bringing them close to his nose and inhaling deeply, eyes closed like a freaking Disney princess.

Dean caught himself staring. Had he really never noticed how handsome Cas was?

“Whatever,” Dean muttered, turning back around. “Just don’t expect me to water them.”

***

The worst part about going to that psychic was the aftermath of it.

No matter what he did, Dean couldn’t escape the thoughts that Pamela had planted in his mind.

Fate.

Lovers.

Soulmates.

As much as he didn’t believe any of that bullcrap, he now had Castiel tied to it in his memory. He began to notice little things about him that he hadn’t noticed before.

When Castiel fell asleep on the couch, Dean could see his eyelashes barely flutter as he dreamed.

When Castiel laughed, his nose crinkled to match the lines that usually framed his eyes.

When Castiel was deep in thought, his lips pursed adorably.

What if they did date?

Dean would get to kiss those lips.

But was that even something that he wanted? Did he want to kiss Cas? Would he even be thinking about all of this if it hadn’t been for Pamela?

“Dean, are you alright?”

Dean blinked and quickly brought himself mentally back to the diner, where he and Cas were ordering.

“What?”

Castiel frowned.

“You were staring at me for like a minute. Do I have something on my face?”

Dean flushed and brought the menu up to his face to hide it.

“Nah, I’m just messing with you.”

“Hmmm.” Castiel chewed on his lower lip as he stared at the menu. “Shame Sam couldn’t make it tonight.”

Dean shrugged. “That’s what getting a girlfriend does to you, I guess.”

The waitress was a perky brunette who left with their beverage order - because Dean wasn’t quite ready to order his food, seeing as he’d been apparently staring at Cas instead of his menu - but not before giving Castiel a flirtatious wink.

Dean’s mood instantly soured.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he muttered. “When she gets back, just tell her I want biggest burger they have.”

He moved to get up, but stopped when Castiel’s hand rested on his arm.

“Are you sure you’re fine?” he asked, his voice laced with concern and his head tilted endearingly. “You’ve been… not yourself, recently.”

“M’fine, Cas,” he said, forcing a smile and moving his arm out of his grasp. “Just gotta pee.”

Dean spent a good two minutes just staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to get himself to focus. He’d been so out of it since his trip to the psychic that if he believed in magic, he might think that she’d cursed him.

Dean knew that he liked dudes.

It was just a fact.

When it came to who he dated, guy or girl, didn’t really matter to him.

But this was Cas.

Sure, he was a reasonably attractive guy, but he also cared about books more than he cared about most people, thought that spinach was a normal food to eat regularly, and on top of all of that, was his best friend and roommate.

Even if Dean was starting to develop feeling for him - which he wasn’t - he would never risk ruining that friendship by making things awkward for them when Cas ultimately rejected him.

This was all hypothetical, of course.

Because Dean and Castiel were not ever going to be lovers.

Dean ran a hand through his hair once and took a deep breath before he made his way back out towards their table. Castiel was apparently already tucking into the burger and salad he’d ordered, and Dean nearly tripped when he got close enough to their table to get a good look at his own giant burger.

“Your shoelace is untied,” Castiel said, wiping at his mouth with a napkin.

Sure enough, the laces that he’d haphazardly tucked into the sides of his shoes without even bothering to tie them had slipped out and tried to kill him.

“I just can’t win today,” Dean said with a sigh, and bent down to shove the laces back into their proper place.

Almost immediately, shouts and whoops started echoing throughout the diner, beginning close to the table he was kneeling in front of, until it seemed to be coming from everywhere at once.

“What -” Dean said, cutting himself off when he looked up to see everyone staring at him and clapping with huge smiles on their faces. “I don’t -”

“Say yes!” someone yelled.

It was like a light switch flipped on.

There he was, kneeling in front of Cas, in their favorite restaurant.

“Oh, no -” He shot up and waved his hands as Castiel looked on in amusement. “We’re not - I’m not- this isn’t -”

The talking died down as he shouted over the crowd.

“Misunderstanding! Sorry! We’re not getting married. We’re not even together! Like at all, OK, not even a little bit!” Dean awkwardly sat himself back down at the table and sighed loudly, only to get a raised eyebrow from Castiel.

“Really?”

“What?” Dean asked defensively. “Did you want me to lie?”

“No, but that was -” Castiel dropped his gaze and began stabbing at his salad with his fork, “- excessive.”

“Well, we’re not.” Dean picked up his burger and bit into it aggressively. “Just telling it like it is.”

Castiel stared down at his plate and didn’t say another word to him for the rest of the meal.

***

“Two for the 10:15 showing, please,” Dean said, pointing up at the banner above the ticket window. “Well, one. One for me and then one for him. Seperately.”

He pointed next to him where Castiel was standing.

The kid behind the counter looked up at him and then towards Castiel, his finger hovering above the keyboard.

“So…. did you not want the couple’s night discount, then?”

“Huh? Oh… no, we do,” Dean said, never one to turn down a deal. “But we’re not a couple. Just so you know.”

The kid’s eyes squinted in confusion and Dean sighed.

“Give us the discount, because there’s two of us. I was just letting you know that we’re not together.”

“Oookay, that’ll be-”

“Excuse us for a moment,” interrupted Castiel.

Dean felt a hand grasp him roughly around the wrist and before he knew it, Castiel was dragging him away from the ticket counter and out the theater doors into the parking lot.

“Cas, why are you-”

“What is your problem?” Castiel whirled around once they were out of view of any observers, fists clenched clenched at his side with the most livid expression Dean had ever seen on his face.

“Whoa, hey-”

“You’ve spent a majority of the past month making sure everyone in the city knows that we’re not together.” Castiel stepped forwards and Dean took an instinctive step back. “If there’s even been the smallest hint of that someone might think we’re a couple, you’ve squashed that concept completely. We get it, Dean. The whole world gets it by now.”

Dean shrunk back from the wrath that dripped from Castiel’s words.

“But we’re not a couple,” he muttered.

“I know!” Castiel threw his hands up in exasperation. “Everyone knows! You’ve made sure of that! But you’re making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be, and having you constantly declare it is childish, and let me tell you - it does not make me feel great, so-”

Castiel jabbed his finger into Dean’s chest with every word.

“What. Is. Your. Problem.”

Dean looked back at the eyes that were usually so friendly but now were glaring daggers, cutting deeper into him the longer he stared.

He looked away.

“Is the idea of dating me really that repulsive to you?”

Castiel’s voice had lost its hard edge and Dean almost wished that he was yelling at him again. Anything was better than hearing how defeated his friend seemed. “Is the idea of people even thinking we're together really so bad?”

Dean took a deep breath and glanced back over at him.

“Cas, I -”

“Don’t.” Castiel shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest, a physical barrier between the two of them. “I’m going home. Goodnight, Dean.”

“I can -” Dean cleared his throat and jangled his keys when Castiel turned to walk away. “I’ll drive you...”

“I’m walking.”

His tone was final, and all Dean could do was watch him walk away - Pamela’s words echoing in his head.

There will come a time where you’ll have to make a choice about how you feel.

Dean thought he saw Castiel wipe at his face before hunching his shoulders and striding away.

A yes or a no.

Fuck.

***

Dean gripped the steering wheel of the Impala tightly as he sat outside of their apartment complex, wracking his brain for a way to fix this.

The whole point of denying everything was to protect the friendship that he already had with Castiel, and all it had done was tear it apart.

Castiel hated him, he had no doubt about. The fury in his eyes while he’d yelled was worse than anything Dean had seen before - more anger than he thought Castiel was capable of.

The worst part was, Dean had come to realize that everything he’d been trying to deny to himself for a month was a lie.

The idea of dating Cas wasn’t repulsive at all.

It was very, very appealing.

So much so that it scared him.

Dean wasn’t sure when he’d started to feel that way, but it had to have been before the trip to the psychic. Pamela had only sped up the process of facing his feelings.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel and shut his eyes, before taking a deep breath and heading towards his apartment door.

The lights were already out when he got there, so he quietly shut the door behind him.

Dean found Castiel with a blanket tossed around him, curled into a ball in the corner of the living room couch with his bag propped up in front of him.

“Cas?”

Castiel shifted around, but said nothing.

“Cas, can we talk?”

No response.

Dean exhaled and sat down on the other far corner of the couch, enough to give Castiel space if he wanted it, but close enough to have a conversation.

“So, first off, I’m sorry.”

Dean clasped his hands together tightly and barreled onwards before he psyched himself out.

“I made you feel like shit and I didn’t mean to.”

Still no response from the other side of the couch.

“Remember when we went to that psychic last month?” Dean cleared his throat and stared down at his lap. “While I was in there talking to Pamela, she told me that… like… you and I were going to become lovers. That fate was going to bring us together.”

Castiel looked up, narrowing what looked to be red-rimmed eyes.

“Is that was this is about? Something a so-called psychic told you?”

“Well, yeah.” Dean scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly. “It scared me. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Of course she told you that, asshole!” Castiel took the pillow that he’d been resting his head on and threw it at him. “I was there. It was an easy straw to grasp and make believable!”

“I know that now!” Dean dropped his head into his hands.

“Don’t worry. I know you don’t want to date me.” Castiel said, flopping back down. “You’ve made that clear.”

“But…” Dean swallowed. Now or never. Yes or no. “But… I do.”

“... what?”

Dean’s heart was racing a mile a minute as he searched for the right words. The simple ones.

“I want to date you, Cas.” He wrung his hands together tighter. “I didn’t want to ruin what we had already, but since that’s in the pits now anyway, I figure - what the hell. I want to date you. I want to kiss you. I want to be able to point at you and call you my boyfriend and all that cheesy, romantic crap.”

Dean licked his lips and looked over at Castiel, who was now sitting up, staring at him blankly.

“Pamela told me that pretty soon I’d have to make a decision about how I feel. Yes or no. And I tried to put it off, ‘cause I was scared. Obviously that was all bullshit, but - just in case, um, I choose yes.” He cleared his throat. “But, you know. If you don’t feel the same, I get it, and I’ll stop being so weird about everything.”

Castiel stared at him in silence, and Dean could almost see the gears turning in his head, trying to catch up with all of the curve balls that had been thrown at him.

Then, ever so slowly, Castiel leaned forwards, only stopping when his face was an inch away from Dean’s, and Dean had ceased breathing.

“You’re an idiot,” Castiel said softly and closed the distance between them.

Dean melted against him almost immediately, letting Castiel continue pressing forwards until Dean's back was against the couch, with Castiel on top of him.

They broke apart just long enough for Castiel to whisper,

“But I choose yes, too.”

Dean couldn't even make a noise; he only stared up into Castiel’s eyes. He'd just been kissed by Castiel. By Castiel. And it had been perfect. He reached up, and wrapped his arms around the small of Castiel’s back.

There was a small thump when Dean dropped his leg down, accidentally kicking something over.

“Shit,” he murmured, a bit breathlessly. “I think that was your bag.”

Castiel glanced towards the sound, looking almost annoyed that something was interrupting them, and nodded.

“Yeah, hold on. My stuff’s everywhere -” He reached over Dean and picked something up from off of the ground, a confused frown on his face.

“This isn’t mine.”

The familiar glint of blue and gold caught Dean’s eye.

In Castiel’s hand was the card with the blindfolded figure.

The Two of Swords.

Dean reached up and plucked it from his fingers, and flung it into a dark corner of the room.

“We make our own fate, Cas.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow in the direction he’d thrown the card, and smirked.

“Sounds good to me.”

#spn #destiel #destiel ficlet #whelvenwings #college au #sometimes i write

1K notes · View notes

vaguelyaperson · 7 years

Text

Hello everyone~

In light of recent events and discourse, I - a real life actual pacifist - am going to teach you all about nonviolence. What actually is nonviolence, and not what some of ya’ll think is nonviolence but is really a dangerous misconception. My credentials? I studied nonviolence (my minor was peace studies), and you could say that I was raised in the ideology of nonviolence since I’m Anabaptist.

(Interesting, unnecessary tidbit, but the Anabaptists were opposed to things like slavery, forced military conscription, unification of church and state, ect., while they practiced things like democracy and freedom of religion waaaay before Jefferson ever wrote that ‘all men are created equal.’ So, you know, *dons hipster glasses*, eeeyyy.)

So, a lot of people think that nonviolence means letting someone beat you up, in the name of... I dunno. Peace? Moderation? Making sure you don’t upset the oppressor? But like I said. This is a dangerous misconception. Sure, there can be a lot said about the dignity of refusing to fight back, but there are a lot of nuances to this, so I’ll start by saying... telling black people that MLK wanted them to lay down and take the beating is incredibly ill-informed, racist, and unhelpful! While on the other hand, going out and joining protests against white supremacy is a perfect example of nonviolence.

I’ll start with the definition of nonviolence. Crazy enough, but nonviolence is not the same thing as passivity. Please, for all that is good, imprint that in your brain: nonviolence ≠ passivity. A quick Google search will tell you that nonviolence is “the use of peaceful means, not force, to bring about political or social change.” With that said, nonviolence is action.

Nonviolent action is heavily tied with civil disobedience/resistance. Nonviolent action and civil disobedience is recognizing that there is an unjust institution, and then peacefully refusing to follow said institution. If you want more details, then read Letter from Birmingham Jail, Martin Luther King Jr. It honestly spells out this whole situation way better than I can.

Now, this might seem a little confusing. What do nonviolent protesters hope to achieve by peacefully demanding change? Can’t the oppressor just ignore them? Well, here’s the thing. The foundation of nonviolence is in the effort to shame the oppressor. That’s right. Shame. Nonviolent action is meant to disrupt complacency. In its purest sense, it’s supposed to cause outrage, tension, complications; it’s supposed to teach a lesson. Boycott an entire market to the point of near ruin so that shop owners have to plead the government for change? Nonviolence. Sit illegally at a lunch counter just to irritate the establishment into removing stupid segregation rules? Nonviolence. Smuggle an entire fucking group of people out of your country so that the Nazis can’t get to them? Nonviolence. (Goddammit, just read up on how the Danish nonviolently got Nazi Germany out of their country because it was a fucking masterpiece that I will never get over.)

Let’s look at this from a Biblical perspective. Matthew 5:38-41.

“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.”

Yeah. That one. (Ah, yes, I can already hear the groaning.)

But! This verse has, like many Bible verses, been really wrung out and twisted into something it’s not because people forget the cultural context. First off. The face slapping. Notice how Jesus said if someone hits you on your right cheek. Well, there are two options for hitting someone’s right cheek: you either use your left hand, or you backhand them. In Middle Eastern cultures, left hands are dirty. Left hands are for dirty dirty things like wiping your ass. You do not hit someone with your left hand. Furthermore, backhanding someone is a grave insult. Backhanding declares someone as an inferior. So, if someone hit one of Jesus’ followers on the right cheek, they were backhanding them, and thus calling them inferior. However! You know who hit each other on the left cheek? Equals. Conclusion. Turning your cheek does not mean invite more beating.

Turning your cheek means shaming your oppressor into acknowledging you as an equal.

Second. Really think about the items of clothing that Jesus mentions in the second example. Shirt and coat. What did people back then not wear? Pants. What things does that leave them? Shirt and coat. What happens if they took off both? Nakey time. That’s right. Jesus was legit encouraging people to, in the middle of court, strip naked in front of their accuser. Why? Because it would embarrass the plaintiff. This action was meant to point out the injustice, the few things the victim owns, and, that’s right, shame the oppressor.

Third. It was law that a Roman soldier could force an Israelite to carry his things for one mile. That’s it! One mile! It was unlawful for a Roman soldier to force anymore and... you see what I’m getting at here? Jesus outright encouraging folks to break the law cause the law is stupid? Yeah. Got some classic Biblical civil disobedience here.

But wait! Some readers may cry out, just itching to talk about Gandhi encouraging his followers to get beat over the head, or something out of context like that, doesn’t nonviolence include such passive measures? To this is I say:

Sure. When it was done so in the effort to shame the oppressor. The Salt March (where Gandhi led a bunch of people to illegally gather their own salt, and be beat by British officers in the process) was a huge fuck you to Britain. People around the world were outraged to watch it unfold. Who the hell kicks down a defenseless soul??? It put a lot of pressure on Britain. Same thing with the American civil rights movement, with the fire hoses and police dogs.

And by the way, allowing yourself to be kicked around took training and discipline. Civil rights protesters held workshops (tw; link includes photos of physical violence) where people learned how not to react to physical and verbal abuse. People are trained in this type of nonviolence. I’ll say it again for the people in the back. If you need one of those ‘this is done by a professional, please don’t try this at home, kids’ disclaimer, then this is your disclaimer. PEOPLE ARE TRAINED IN THIS TYPE OF NONVIOLENCE.

Again, please, please, PLEASE DO NOT tell lay citizens that they should take the beating.

Now, there is much more to be said and learned about nonviolence. It’s a fascinating topic and I highly encourage further reading! However, in conclusion, nonviolence is not passivity. It takes a lot of thought, coordination, and discipline to pull off. When done well, when you make sure to read the instructions on the label, nonviolence can be a pretty effective tool. Does nonviolence always work? No. Did I write this as some evil white moderate pacifist in order to encourage everyone to stop fighting back? No.

As a pacifist, I will continue to believe in the effectiveness of nonviolence, and crazily enough, I will be against punching Nazis. But if you as an individual prefer to rely on force to change things, then that’s your belief, and I respect that. I can acknowledge that force has brought about change before. I’m just personally uncomfortable with violence for both spiritual and emotional reasons. Truly, this mini essay was written in the hopes of educating a few people about the option that is nonviolence. (Real nonviolence. Not what makes the oppressor comfortable.)

So go out and protest! Keep demanding your rights! Don’t be afraid to disrupt things! Just remember to educate yourself and stay safe.

#nonviolence #pacifism #charlottesville #anti racism #political #current events #martin luther king jr #jesus #mohandas gandhi #anabaptists

6 notes · View notes

spotlightsaga · 7 years

Photo

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… I Love Dick (S01E02) The Conceptual Fuck Airdate: May 12, 2017 @amazonvideo Ratings: @amazon streaming only Score: 8.25/10

***********SPOILERS BELOW**********

Just like the first episode of ‘I Love Dick’, the second is over in a flash. It happens so quickly, so ferociously fast, with these seemingly large events that have a heavy significance on these characters, that they are almost too fast to catch. There’s irony in there somewhere because I can see someone easily professing that not much is happening, but in its characterization so much is transpiring I can almost feel my neck break from the whiplash. The episode opens with who I am assuming to be the two head honchos of the Venice Film Festival where Chris’ film had to be pulled because of music rights. They are attempting to watch the film and it looks straight up awful. It’s a lot like the French-Belgian film referenced in this very episode, Chantal Akerman’s 1974 black and white, supposedly charged with raw feminism ‘Je, Tu, Il, Elle’, just without any kind of hypnotic beat, sensuality, or weird lesbian sex scene where two women wrestle around in the bed, looking like an early WWF Women’s Wrestling Match during Post-Attitude Era when women with actual talent and showmanship were actually in the ring. Sorry, I have really weird, repressed, mixed feelings towards that film. Anyway, the two Italian Men toss it because they can’t take it anymore and then we cut back to Marfa, TX. Prepare for lots of cuts, I am very well aware of the presence of editors Julie Cohen & Christal Khatib.

Again there are some really strange, very human moments in this episode. I personally haven’t read the book, but my bestie in Brooklyn raves about it, even calling it her favorite. I keep going back to three big moments in the episode and I’m running them through my mind trying to figure out where these people are coming from. The first is when Chris shows up and interrupts Dick’s seminar, much to the chagrin of Sylvere, who believes that Chris attempting to attend Dick’s seminar is crossing a line in their fantasy that he’s just not comfortable with. Chris could give two shits, obviously this isn’t really a two way street, and shows up anyway… Later lying to Sylvere about being able to get in, claiming that it was full.

She brings a laptop with her terrible film on it and she’s literally a hot mess, once again a possible reference to 'Je, Tu, Il, Elle’… Her phone goes off, she’s bumbling all over the place, Dick dismisses his class and watches a few seconds of her horrible, horrible film and she legit, *and I can’t get over it*, but she legit strokes his head as he’s bent over watching the film. The gesture, the moment, his response to immediately shut the laptop and tells Chris, 'Its not my thing,’ It all sent me into a sort-of paralyzing shock. WTF just happened? Chris freaks out and points out that he hasn’t made art in 7 years and that brick he had set out as an art piece wasn’t art at all… To which he affirmed his love for straight lines. The rich metaphor isn’t lost on me, I died laughing and am chuckling as I’m writing this but I think it’s a combination of that comment and everything that happened so fast in that scene. My love for it increases with repeat views.

Meanwhile, Sylvere is having his own awkward encounters with the woman he met in the first episode, Toby (India Menuez)… This one I had to watch twice as well. Both Sylvere and Chris might have reinvigorated their sex life with this weird sexual fantasy about the mysterious, straight line loving 'Dick’, but they are tanking in the Marfa social scene. Sylvere questions Toby’s taste in art, finding out that her project is about 'looking at hardcore porn without judgement’, and verbatim, 'So I reduce it to its shapes.’ He takes the judgement further and calls her a child and asks her why she’s obsessed with porn, then reduces her to her beauty. The ironic and stunningly ignorant comment is met with the long pause from Toby, striking facial emotional-responding realization and then she simply tells Sylvere, 'You’re awful.’ And again the scene cuts fast, it’s almost dizzying, like I don’t have time to react. The cut is to a red screen with Chris’ words appearing large in and in charge on the screen, 'Dear Dick, I will not be muzzled.’ Only later when I’m sorting out my feelings on the episode, I find myself laughing at the quick edits, and just slightly tonally jarring direction led by the great Kimberly Pierce (a woman who literally burst on to the scene in '99 with the Oscar Winning 'Boys Don’t Cry’). I don’t even know what to think.

Chris returns home after her disastrous meeting with Dick, finding Devon (Roberta Colindrez) installing a water heater or some sort of handy-woman work (see what I did there?), and after the initial shock that someone is in her house, Chris goes right to ranting. Asking her if she knows who the director Maya Deren is, saying that Maya is supposed to be the most important female director of all time. Devon replies No, which I’m guessing most people wouldn’t know her either. Deren was big in the way Indy Bands are big now, but in the 40’s. I know film pretty well, but Meren is mainly a mystery, and while I’m familiar with a lot of films in the 50’s, they are more of Monster Movie in taste (I love classic, iconic trash 50’s cinema, like 'The Blob’, 'Alligator Man’, 'Them’). Trancey, experimental avant-garde types… No the 40’s would be far too early for me to consume that type of genre, despite its cultural importance.

It’s just hilarious to me to see Chris go on and on about how she likes mainstream directors and hates Sofia Coppola, who I’ve always loved btw… Chris cites Sofia’s 'perfect chestnuts highlights’ as another reason she hates her, 'Ooh, hey, how’d you get that brunette? A lotta money!’ I’m literally dead. 😂 Devon starts to follow her around, she’s literally mesmerized by Chris’ unhinged rant. Chris is now just asking rhetorical questions and ranting on as Devon almost salivates at Chris’ crazy as a pure inhibited spectator, 'It is a wonder that any woman could think of herself as an artist.’ Devon actually responds here… 'Uhm, I’m an artist too, so…’ Chris barely recognizes she spoke, muttering back, 'Oh, I didn’t realize’, like that has any bearing on the conversation that could’ve blossomed from there. I’m usually pretty empathetic but if I wasn’t laughing so hard from her rant and the Sofia Coppola comments, who once again I’ve always been fond of, I probably would have reached through the tv and pulled Chris’ hair a bit. I wonder what kind of rant Chris would produce about the cultural cancer of Oxygen’s 'Bad Girls Club’. In a perfect world, there would be an extra scene that Amazon would allow subscribers to see an outtake of this very scenario.

I guess Chris’ interaction with Dick is so jarring that she starts to rip down all the letters she wrote to Dick from the lines strung across her bedroom. And it appears Chris’ visit to Dick’s class was so jarring we see him sitting on his porch staring intently into the Great wide Texan open, clearly annunciating her name in full, 'Chris Kraus’. The editing is fantastic in these final moments (tho to be fair it’s great the whole way through). We see Devon shirtless, confidently writing as if a lightbulb is literally shining bright above her head. Sylvere somberly mopes back through town to his home. This is when we cut to 'Je, Tu, Il, Elle’ where the protagonist speaks about taking everything she had written and spreading it out, then just laying in bed. Cut to Chris laying in bed looking up at the empty wire dawned with clothespins that once held all the letters to Dick, the same letters that had Sylvere and Chris fucking like they had just met each other. Sylvere walks in professing that he hates the town and tries to sit next to Chris and touch her, but without the letters there is no longer warmth and a red pulsing glow in their bedroom. She jerks away from him and claims her 'skin is tight’. Yeesh.

Suki & Geoff arrive at Devon’s trailer and she reveals what she was fervently writing about… A play… About a couple from New York… A woman… She wants to 'become somebody’… 'But she hates herself’… Another quick cut, God I’m in love with these editors… Chris is packing up all her letters to Dick. Cut to Dick who sees a snake, slithering in the very opposite manner of the straight lines he claims to love so much. He arranges multiple rocks in the shape of the slithering, wavy snake and runs along side of them. Is this Dick beginning to let go of his rigid nature? Cut back to Chris who is walking into Dick Jarrett’s office and drops off a box containing all the letters she had written Dick, and so passionately made love to her husband under. The box is tied with a single ribbon, and there’s a dead moth at one corner of the box with a card… 'To: Dick Jarrett / From: Chris Kraus’… Cut to RED. That’s the perfect color alright.

2 notes · View notes

kpsandlcs · 7 years

Text

Tour

3/2 - Drive To Columbus

I get off work and Aaron and I grab the van. At first look, surely it will fit everything...it has to. Aaron never falters in reassuring that things will work. In his mind, they always will. It helps. We get to Aaron’s and start loading. It’s gonna be tight, but we do what we can. We arrive to get Peter and he’s got many items. How the hell is this gonna work.

“Did you use the stowaway yet?”

What the hell is that? He says nothing and starts opening a hidden compartment underneath the feet of the back seats. Woah. We load that up and sure enough, we’re golden. Off to pick up Gabe. I’m in the driver’s seat feeling the immense weight of a fuckload of gear and 3 people in the car and am skeptical this thing will get us around.

We get Gabe and start going to Columbus. Another human’s weight. Aaron can’t guess Grizzly Bear’s Veckatimest until “2 Weeks” comes on, which is alright. We kill about an hour as I tell them what my day job really is.

“Isn’t it crazy that for the average user, credit card companies are just capitalizing on my money YOU ALREADY OWN?”

It’s a fucking dastardly-ass scheme.

We get 1.5 hours from Columbus and have enough gas to get home when Gabe says

“Are we gonna be stopping again?”

“No way! We have enough gas and it’s like 1am”

“Ahhh….ummmm I maaaay have tooooo ahhhh Urinate-oooo”

This becomes a theme. But the goofy and pleading delivery was too funny for me to not reward.

We arrive at the Hampton inn and the check-in person was like “y’just made it. Was about to be gone for a few hours.” We’re tired as fuck. We get to our room and fall asleep.

3/3 - To Ithaca

Tonight is our first show in Ithaca. I slept like shit. Peter woke up an hour early to fucking work out. We get a scrappy breakfast from the lobby and Aaron hands me a tea bag that says “I Love Lemon” on it.

“It’s a love letter.”

We get going. It’s icy and Ohio-y. Aaron is driving, which I’m glad for. Right as we get on the highway, Peter says

“Would anyone care for a gorp?”

That = grape.

We spend the ride trading the aux cable and me trying to sleep. We get to a patch of snow which makes me hella nervous but, again, Aaron doesn’t give a fuck. We stop in an upstate NY town that I forget the name of, but was classically upstate...one of those “main street” type towns. We get to a rest stop and this place was crazy...cracked stone floors and a grocery area in the back that had a lot of offerings, but seemingly just spilled out into the back storage/trash area, where there were relics of the distant past everywhere...cardboard cut outs, random furniture...separating the front and the back was an archway, and above it was an old “video rental” sign, but like all wooden and bulky, and dusty as fuck...It was like walking into an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese, or something. Super unsettling.

We arrive in Ithaca and it’s all twilighty and pale pink sky and all that. We hit Wegman’s quick for dinner and Gabe talks about how the prices have doubled since he used to work there during high school. Peter roams around trying to find something to eat, because he’s on Whole 30. Perfect timing!

We get to the venue and start loading in. My keyboard stand “breaks.” Duct tape. (I later learn that all I needed was an allen wrench). I have a lot of history in this area - life changing concerts, day trips, hikes, food, sad escapes, past loves. I change into my Dan Deacon sweater which feels fitting. I’m dazed with a lack of sleep. My friend from Binghamton comes with a whole crew, which is much appreciated. The room fills up for the openers, which are intriguing experimental solo projects. Some college friends show up last minute before we start. The set was solid, but we ran into some sound issues and had to cut a lot of songs. I think we did alright, and people dug it. The whole crowd was intently watching, and laughing at every slight banterous comment I made. It felt like they were legit waiting to hear me all week.

I note that one of the songs I play is about someone in the room, but I had yet to see her.

I go to sell merch. My college friends who I haven’t seen in 6 months - didn’t really get to relax with them, as we need to tear down shortly after, and not to mention it’s late and they gotta get to their place too. This ends up being what always happens - tour is work. There are not many free moments outside of the car.

Someone asks me to sign their CD, a friend reveals she’s been listening to my EP on repeat, and someone nervously compliments me and mentions the music video. Woah.

It’s time to tear down so we have to go down these narrow stairs with everything and load our van which is in an alley and has the neighboring bar employees yelling at us to leave. We can’t get the damn van packed, though. It’s being a bitch. We finally get it after much stress.

Peter and I split off to get to the place we’re staying, which is the house of someone I know who is not there. Thusly, we don’t know his roommates. We park semi far away and lug heavy shit to the door. Knock. Nothing. Call my friend. Nothing. I knock on the door of the lower apartment and get a helpful young dude, who says I should just go right in. So I do. There is a dude standing atop the stairs looking confused.

“Hey, I’m Jesse - Does Remanu live here?”

“Uh….”

Someone else comes by.

“Hey, um, hi, what the hell is this? Why are you knocking at 11 and just coming right into our house? We don’t know you? What are you doing?”

Tired as fuck, nervous, and already shaken up, I just start stumbling to explain myself before he cuts me off-

“OH I’M JUST KIDDING WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE GET ON UP HERE! MI CASA ES SU CASA”

Wow.

We get upstairs and start unloading when a tenant starts enthusiastically talking to me.

“I was at the show! It was so cool!! It seems like you have a great following!”

Nope - just had an alright crowd that Ithaca Underground is good at catering to. But I learn that the narrative spawned by things like this is as good as your image, whether or not the story’s there.

The house is classically Ithacan. “Free condoms” jar in the bathroom. Plants everywhere. Tribal woodworking on the walls. “Capitalism is a pyramid scheme” poster on the wall. Welcoming attitude.

As Peter and I lay on the air mattress, I say

“I’m glad this is your first experience here, because this house is literally an Ithaca museum.”

3/4 - Ithaca -> Syracuse

I wake up to the view of snow lightly falling, and it was unusual how fearful I became of it as it took new meaning for this trip where I am underprepared and need to travel hundreds of miles. This is obviously at odds with my initial delight and feelings of home - Tennessee certainly has weakened my capacity for snow and the cold - making me a creature I swore I’d never become.

I’m off to meet an old friend for brunch -

“Hi so I am house sitting as well as dog sitting and the heat is broken and the dog is shivering, so I can’t leave him here. But also it’s not really comfortable to be at this house because it’s cold. So why don’t I take the dog to my house and we can make breakfast? But I don’t have eggs. So how about you get eggs on the way? But also I don’t really have coffee. So maybe you should also get coffee on the way?”

This is exactly what happens.

I set out in my fucking boat shoes (glorified socks) in inches of snow and am slipping all the way down the front stairs of the mysterious house. I finally get my bearings and am greeted to the classic Ithaca - the same open minded and welcoming place that it never fails to be. A man snow blowing says good morning. Students mill about. I stop in the Green Star which is a fair trade sort of grocery store. I help a delivery man get his stock cart into the store. “Thank ye much, sir.” I get my coffee and local eggs. I arrive at my friend’s house. She pulls up in a car and leads out a tiny dog wrapped in a red sweater. Holy fuck.

We go upstairs and after undressing the dog he immediately curls up in the sunlight of the window.

“His name is Peabody.”

WHAT

We go to the kitchen to make pancakes and eggs and get to talking about basically what happened over the past 6 years and how we’ve both felt a lot of damage and successes and how different we are now.

“Why weren’t you at the show? I played a song about you.”

“Well. I was curled up with Peabody because it was so cold last night, and we were watching TV, and…I fell asleep. And then I woke up at 9pm being like “fuck, there’s no way I can make it now.”

The song is called “Asleep.”

“You can hold this over me for like 1.5 years, it’s warranted.”

The thing is I wrote a whole album about this person in 2012 and I spent that last 5 years trying to get her to listen to it, and she wouldn’t.

Breakfast is delish, and we reminisce a lot about what it was like dating each other long ago. It’s really something how unprepared and ignorant I was at the time, but this is something I already have severely grappled with. It’s really quite good to have such an uninhibited conversation with someone so key to your life/past. It’s like being able to revisit era-specific weaknesses and moments in a tactile way.

Peter comes to pick me up in the van. I ask if he wants to meet Peabody. He says yeah, but doesn’t like small dogs. Whatever…

She hugs me bye. Peter and I go to pick up Gabe.

“What’s the best way to Syracuse?”

“Through Cortland. It’s like a place where everybody’s aggressively trying to mate with each other.”

Me: “And they’re all judges.”

Peter: “And they all love tennis.”

“Yeah. It’s a city of court judges courting each other on tennis courts.”

We get to Syracuse and my college friends await me. We go to armory square and snack/drink. Our waitress is a girl I TA’d 3 years ago. Insane.

We go back to my friend Jay’s apartment, which is where I stayed during that whole Utica deal last september. It feels similar, which is awesome. We’re drinking beer and eating burritos and laughing really hard. It’s time to load in down the street, so we get going.

The room is small, but works, and the crowd is paying a lot of attention. Show goes really great, especially with Jay on back-up vocals. I step outside to hang with my college friends. My one friend who’s helped direct the art of most of my past albums all of a sudden realizes that I just played next door to The Westcott theater, where he and I saw Reptar, Rubblebucket, and most importantly - Dirty Projectors.

“Shit, this is the Westcott? It’s been here the whole time?”

He gets wrecked realizing that we’ve literally been sharing a wall with one of the most important spots of our friendship and artistic development. All of those concerts rocked our worlds.

Peter and Gabe split off to Jay’s, Aaron and I split off to his house. On the way over, we talk about how touring is a real test of teamwork, and every bullshit ‘training’ and ‘seminar’ in school and jobs has never offered a real application of those skills such as it has been.

3/5 - Sunday in Binghamton

Wake up to a good ol’ family breakfast at Aaron’s. Peter and Gabe join shortly after. We eat and decompress before heading down to Binghamton. Snowy and sunny, it feels Hella Home-y. We arrive in Binghamton and hell is it dreary/sad. Everything is dulled, everything is grey, and it feels like nobody's around. We catch up with Eddie, who is hosting the show at his house, which is actually a commune that holds classes, dinners, and is a general stayover for nomadic types that need it. He leads us to the loft above ihs garage where we will play...it’s really nice. Wall outlets all over the place, nice carpeting. We load in early so all we have to do is set up, night of.

I drop off Peter and Aaron at Cyber West to get work done - Gabe and I drive to Target to get a “Quickie Blank Blank?” and pizza at Mario’s, listening to rap on the way obviously. I ran into a family friend in Target. Talk to the new owner of Mario’s while eating real pizza...Nashville pizza...just no.

We grab some beer and the Cyber boys and get to Eddie’s and set up.

“Hey, if no one shows up, we can just chill with some wine.”

But people DO show up. 35 to be exact. 35 people came to this weird garage hippie loft to see us play on a depressing as icy Binghamton Sunday night while the DORMS ARE CLOSED. It felt like a weird judgment day, where various people from pockets of my past all congregated in agreement. I knew everyone, but most didn’t know each other. I actually made a ton of money on merch that night. I spent like 40 minutes talking to everyone before they cut away. Shortly after, a member of the collective (the house) comes up to the now empty room, and says

“Gentlemen.”

He procures a small white rod.

“The band spliff.”

We all look at each other. None of us, at this point, have been keeping up with smoking in our lives.

“I’m sorry dude, we’re all too nerdy and responsible to partake.”

“Seriously? Really? Even for the road?”

“Ah...I can’t keep it in the van, it’s a rental. I feel terrible man. We’re all too lame and nerdy. But I realize this is considered GOLD to many a band. Thank you so much.”

We were too fucking responsible to smoke weed on tour.

After the show Eddie shows us his surprisingly sophisticated mushroom farm, which is essentially falling apart as he explains it to us. But, nothing he can’t control, nothing he hasn’t seen before, and nothing he can’t patch up.

On the way out, everyone in the living room is warm. Eddie and I chat about his future plans and current evaluation of self as we lock the door to the loft. The band and I head to my former neighbor’s house to have a v comfy night of sleep.

3/6 - New Yolk

We get up and cut down to Manni’s, which is in the square of the neighborhood I grew up in. Fresh made donuts, EVERY day. We get a half dozen of all sorts of flavors and Gabe and Aaron and I split them all, savoring every detail as Peter drove and probably gritted his teeth knowing Whole 30 would keep him from this hometown DELIGHT.

We have a long conversation about respect, friendships, dating, and these 3 boys really bolster my self confidence and self-respect.

As we get closer to the city:

Peter: “Alright man. Start playing like, New York songs.”

Peter: “Like Empire State of Mind and Billy Joel and stuff.”

Peter: “Someone honked!! *HONKS* Hey fuck you!! ...I love this city.”

We get a perfect spot for load in. We all split off to see respective people. I eat edamame/avocado toast in an assuming brooklyn cafe, and drink an americano.

Jay, from Syracuse earlier, comes to meet me. We post up in one of his favorite taprooms in Bushwick. We catch up on lots of things, musical and life-wise. An old mutual friend and continued collaborator shows up-he’s been engineering the Modern Instincts songs. Revelry continues.

We make our way to a vegan diner and the conversations continue.

“Yeah, well really spot mic-ing a quartet, it’s more there for body and leveling purposes, but the overheads dominate that tone, really”

Jay’s gonna sing tonight again.

We start loading in and MUAH this venue is everything I dream of playing. The front bar is golden, ornate. The stage is fairly elevated, and the wall behind is plastered in clippings of ANY kind - news, or softcore porn. When the wall stops, an industrious black guard railing protects the open end of the stage. Skeeball machines, photo booth. The sound guy is so easy to work with, and so good.

The place starts packing, and soon enough I’m looking out to a huge room of people - we fucking DESTROYED that place. We play our last song - Thinking In English (an old one,) which is easily the peak of the set. Enormous cheer. The mains start playing change-over music, when we start to hear ‘BA-SIC PRIN-TER *clap, clap, clapclapclap’, and the sound guy lowers the main. A fucking encore. On our first tour.

We don’t have another song, and we need to give the time to Quail Turret. But damn, that was the best.

I spend the rest of the night loving all of my friends, selling merch. I settle up with everyone - the booker is nice as hell. The sound guy said we were of the top tier bands he’s seen in his 1.5 years working there. The door girl asks if we need a place to stay. Man, what a success.

Peter and I head to my friend’s house and we settle in to sleep on his floor. I count the money from the past 4 days and look through the pictures so far. Never felt so cozy on a couch before.

3/7 - Philly

Rainy in Brooklyn. Peter and I solve a puzzle of getting the van, going up and down 4 flights with different heavy things, and making sure the auto-locking door doesn’t fuck up our whole charade while loading.

We get the other boys and get a ways out of the city before stopping in one of those ‘all in one’ rest stops. Coffee and chapstick. We congregate at the front doors on our way out.

Peter: “This would be a good place to buy a watch.”

I turn my eyes to see a tiny glass case with your typical array of luxury brand watches. Armani, Rolex. I look at Peter. His face is totally normal.

Aaron and I have always done this thing, but it got exacerbated on this tour, where we would misread signs with liberal exaggeration on the syllables.

Mcdonalds, Subway, Sbarro.

“Look, this stop has MOME-DONSON, a SRABAWOONI, and a SUH-BARRR AR AR ARHHH AH...:”

We drive to Philly. I put on Swing Lo Magellan because it’s warming up. We talk about musicianship. We talk about musicianship every car ride, and it’s amazing how much it evolves day to day for me, because I learn so much every day.

We drop Aaron and Peter off to do work/meet up with family, while Gabe and I go to get Cheesesteaks. Gabe does NOT pull his pants down. We wander into a bar that I realize I tried to book to pee. We get cash, and cheesesteaks, and laugh. Then we get blindsided by an ice cream craving. So we go near Fishtown and get icecream.

And then we go to this record store which is hella sad. I go to the back, and it’s all dusty and yellow. Though, I do find a Kyle Fisher record which I thought was super weird. It was like, new, amidst all of the standard used-record leftovers you always find. It kinda made me sadder.

Some pretty good music is on, like this really tasteful blend of 70’s psych americana stuff, like that smoky Doors stuff or the more stoic Beatles moments like Norwegian Wood. I talked to guy at the desk, and he told me who it was, but I already forgot. But he had a lot of real things to say about it, and clearly cared a ton, which lightened it up for me.

Gabe and I step outside and I ask him if he was bummed out at all? Tour downtime felt really stale to me. You get to this city you barely know and feel incredibly small all of a sudden, and then I guess the massive drop in relative energy it causes can put the lowlights on display.

Gabe: “Not really, I dunno dude. You’re depressing me!”

Paraphrased, and he says it with a flimsiness - he’s perfect for keeping the tour light and funny.

We get to the venue and start to load in. Up some narrow ass stairs...get to the venue. Tiny, all wooden. Wooden everything. The sound guy is a BAID-ACE (badass). Extremely positive, efficient, helpful, quick. There’s nowhere to store gear in this place. We’re basically shoving all of this shit in this 1 x12 foot (no joke) space behind the DJ booth. Which is literally the worst case scenario for gear storage.

One artist is Skeleton Lipstick - a delirious electro boy. I talk to him and ask him if he likes Tobacco, whilst in my Tobacco shirt. He does love Tobacco. We reference interviews we’ve read.

Stage is tiny, but we fit alright, and I kinda liked the feel of it.

Sound guy - “I’ll letcha know when you’ve got two left!”

Oh yeah, the person we’re staying with - she’s the inspiration for one of my songs. She shows up as we play our first tune. We get to this part where we do a transition between two songs. After the second, sound guy lets us know we have just one left. I play the song about her to close it. The songs ends in a fully distorted 1 minute synth solo, then just cuts off.

“I wanted to let you know you had two, but you jumped right into your next one!” It’s okay, sound guy. You were awesome.

We load out, which sucks. I meet up with namesake girl, and our mutual friend. She doesn’t appear to know what to say, which is fair. If someone showed up to my town to blast a dramatic orchestral synth-ballad with my name as the chorus in my face, I wouldn’t know what to do, especially in front of my friends who might not know the whole story. We’re sleeping at her place later.

The final band plays, and Gabe and I drink our discounted PBRs. I get barely tipsy and he asks if I’m drunk. For the tour, probably the drunkest I’d been, which is ‘not that.’

The really dickish door guy comes up to settle with me. Gives me this nicely written breakdown, and the payout, which is honestly not so bad. But the production fee was mega high, mostly to include the ‘promoter.’ Promoter? The guy that made the FB event page? I’m thinking so. Hella side eye.

We get outta there and get to the place we’re staying. Namesake girl comes out to help us in. She lives above like, an ethnic gift shop, I believe. Maybe it was a tattoo parlor. I forget, but it was a kitschy place of business. And in a way, you had to like enter the business to get to the stairs that lead to her place.

We get up there and we’re all sitting around and visiting for a moment, which is nice. It hadn’t happened too often at our overnights yet, so it was cool to actually have a moment of hanging out. We tell stories. No one talks about the show.

The girls turn in upstairs, and the band and I are all laying down for bed now. At this point we started doing this thing. There’s this band we played with a long while back called Noelle Tannen and the Filthy No-Nos. At the time, I kept forgetting the latter half of the name, so I picked a random filler. Like Noelle Tannen and the Green Tigers, or something. So I brought it up, and we started doing it again, for like an hour. It devolved into this super weird place.

Noelle Tannen and the stupid idiot morons.

Noelle Tannen and a couple of chairs.

Noelle Tannen and that 5th pocket they advertise on jeans, that you’re like, where the hell is it? And then you realize it’s the little pocket made for keys or whatever INSIDE of the main right pocket

So like it’s Noelle Tannen but, you walk in and there’s a huge draft and you realize you forgot to wear socks, so you put some on and it’s a bit better.

3/8 D-Ceptive

We wake up. More Noelle Tannen for like an hour. We gather our shit, and shower. I neaten up the blankets and put a note on it

“Thanks so much for letting 4 weird boys stay. Let us know if we can ever help in Nashville. Good luck with flipping cigarettes and jet lag.”

Texts,

“I hope it was more good than weird to hear a song about you.”

“Definitely a first. But good”

We stop at this cafe which is surprisingly good. I feel my throat starting to get scratchy. We talk about Aldi. Also, prior, we went into an Aldi and were like what the fuck, EVERYTHING is a knock off...and the graphic design is SO close to the original.

We get the hell outta Philly. We get 30 minutes from DC when Gabe has to pee. We pull off. First gas station we go to has no bathroom. We got to the 7/11. No bathroom. Where the hell does anyone URINATE on this street, then? We go to the McDonald’s up the street. Gabe gets a full big mac combo. He’s also been driving. Aaron makes a joke so funny that I drop my keys in the McDonalds.

We go to a suburb north of DC, and it’s amazing how robust and corporate even this suburb feels. Still plenty of tall buildings. We catch up with one of Gabe’s best friends, who’s now living here. When he has to go, Gabe and I explore a bit while Peter and Aaron do work. Metallic silver ball installation art. We come across this brewery and get a pseudo dinner and beers. Spice Girls comes on...Gabe and I have our longest heart to heart yet.

Additionally, 3/8/2017 will be forever known as Ass Wednesday.

My throat is still scratchy and I’m getting mucusy. Fuck. I have 3 more days to sing.

We reconvene, I’m feeling like Philly again, except this one’s weirder. DC’s vibe is so strange. Philly felt like, at least dingy and like you could grab hold of some of it. DC just felt like, immovable. Impossible to influence.

We get to the venue which is this teensy cramped slab inside of this bustling strip. There’s a neon sign they don’t light at any point. More narrow ass stairs. We get to the top and it is tiny - stage is an alright size, though...it’s dirty as fuck, there’s stickers everywhere. And it’s DARK as hell. It’s hard to make out anything a few feet in front of you - like the merch for example. Not that anyone’s buying. The sound guy - I can barely understand what he’s saying. I get none of the information I need without my deliberate asking. Weird to me.

The opening band plays and they were dope as hell! And they liked us a lot too. At least we got them out of this night. I hope to stay in touch with them.

It’s clear no one’s really gonna show. I ended up drawing 6 people though, which is honestly a lot! And originally it was going to be 8, but two couldn’t make it. That’s a lot more than my Philly draw. It’s a shame that the night had to be such a dud, because I felt I pulled my weight.

Peter’s amp light wouldn’t turn on, my keyboard died towards the end of the set, and my throat was scratchy. We did all right. Tear down is a bitch because we can’t see anything.

The sound guy has to ask me to tell the sound guy he’s ready to cash out. Lotta self efficacy, here. I go up and he’s legitimately laying down on his back...for real, no one could be bothered.

$10!

We get to my friend’s where we’re staying...parking is a major bitch. Crowded as hale. It’s nice to see my friend again, and we talk about Dirty Projectors and Delicate Steve.

3/9 - Long Drive To Sanctuary

We get up early because my friend has to catch a bus. We gather our shit and are all carrying respective piles of that shit down a block and a half to the van...7 hour drive ahead of us. My only stipulation is that we listen to Bitte Orca, because it’s sunnier than when I put on Swing Lo Magellan. To me that’s obviously how it goes.

As we exit DC, I see it in this totally different light...Regal. Robust. Shining, golden! Ornate. It’s all cramped, and there’s all this architecture, and all these embassies all lined up and neighboring each other, flags everywhere...as we leave, we cross an enormous white bridge, passing elegant statues. It was quite the changeup.

We stop at a Wegman’s in Woodbrige, which is contained in this shopping center, which felt so odd...sterile...like the buildings were just a little too big, and too clean - too separated from humanity. And the way the sun shone on everything, it was like a page from one of those I Spy books. This is something I think about all the fucking time and severely colors my mind, so the I Spy thing makes a ton of sense to me. Would love to know if you get what I mean, here.

We get going to Charlotte, and yes, put on Bitte Orca - we also listen to a ton of Flying Lotus, the new Thundercat, and Hiatus Coyote.

We arrive at my parent’s town house, which is in a development. We sit on the couches as a golden sunlight peers through the main window, and I think we all felt pretty tranquil.

We FEAST at Mario’s.

We get to the venue, which is definitely the diviest one yet. It’s just a scant bar with some rugs in the corner and a PA. Hella broken tiles outside the bathroom.

The opener cancels 15 minutes after he was supposed to show. Yeah. Quail Turret’s filling in.

The second band plays, I booked them because I was really diggin their album. They brought a handful of people that stood right around the perimeter of their setup and lightly head-nodded, which I thought was neat. They were good too.

We played to a bunch of my family, which is always weird. I cut the song Ironface out because I thought it would be too slow/emotional for them. E-Slow-Tional.

Door girl pays out really well! And the sound guy takes a new excitement when he says “Hey guys, definitely hit us up if you want to do it again!”

...we probs won’t

3/10 - End

We stir awake. Dad makes huge breakfast...so good. We hang out with my fam a bit, and I feel like I’m too listless to connect. It’s been a theme lately, but I guess I’ve always kind of been like that, too.

We hit Mario’s before we head to Hendersonville to get like, 3 pizzas, a salad, espressos and San Pellegrinos to go. Yeah. My dad gives us all a tour of the massive kitchen. I step out of the back door for a sec while the other guys are checking it out. I’m in like the trash room outside basically, which has an open ceiling...sun is leaking in over the edges. Thing about driving and sleeping in close quarters with 3 dudes all the time is that you don’t realize that you’ve literally had no alone time for days and days.

We get going to Hendersonville.

“What kind of heavy shit do you like?”

I put on Treats by Sleigh Bells.

We get to Hendersonville, and it’s this adorable little one road mountain town. We stop in this music store, which Peter gets willingly stuck in as he talks guitars with the old dudes. Aaron and Gabe and I come across a timbale which was hilarious to us for reasons too stupid and long to explain.

We find the coffee place we’re playing in, and it’s really cool. The point person let us know the deal and pretty much said it was gonna be dead tonight, but we could do whatever we want and call it a night an hour early.

We set up, which takes a while

“Woah...you guys have a lot of gear.”

The thing about this show is that I told the booker we were like a full out band, and he was all -yeah yeah, do you want this show or not?

We set up and it is EMPTY. I drink a free white russian and eventually a high end wine. We end up just chilling and drinking fancy teas/coffees/alcohol as per show payment. We play all of the BP songs either like half as loud or half as fast...it was pretty trippy to try out.

“Man, I’m sorry we didn’t bring anyone out. What did you guys agree on for payment over the email?”

I tell him.

“Oh….”

“What, is that way too high?”

“No, way too low…”

He pays us extra, and buys a tank top. We end up making more than philly and DC combined. How ironic that this little coffee shop in the middle of nowhere is the place that believes it’s up to THEM to bring out people...any other venue proper is pretty dickishly strict about saying “the only reason people come is if you bring people out, so all promotion is on you.” Lot of merit to the ideology, and also a lot of bullshit...if you own a venue, it’s also up to you to make sure you get some business, if you want to stay open.

We have a long drive through the night to get to Nashville, and Peter asks me what’s next for BP. So we talk about it for like 1.5 hours and it’s super energizing, and amazing how new my perspective has become on music in the past week.

I don’t think an illustrious ending is needed here. Tired and agitated, we rush the fuck home and drop everyone off.

Thanks for reading, please feel free to reach out to me.

#tour #journal #retrospective #music #indie

1 note · View note

pastorkevinc · 5 years

Text

Sometimes you hear an idea that just sounds too good to be true. Is it possible you can declutter your life with one simple rule? I’m not sure because I have just begun to explore this idea. But it is too good not to share it. You may be the person who is overwhelmed with clutter in your life or you may be the person who clutter mildly agitates. On either end of the spectrum, this simple idea may be one of the keys to help you take the next step toward a decluttered life.

A friend of mine recently challenged me to consider the One-Minute Rule. Here is how it works.

One-Minute Rule

Credit goes to Gretchen Rubin for popularizing the concept of the one-minute rule. Here it is in a nutshell:

I must do any task that can be finished in one minute. Hang up my coat, read a letter and toss it, fill in a form, answer an email, note down a citation, pick up my phone messages, file a paper, put a dish in the dishwasher, replenish the diaper supply by the changing table, put the magazines away…and so on.

Because the tasks are so quick, it isn’t too hard to make myself follow the rule—but it has big results.1

…push yourself to do any chore that takes less than one minute. Throw away the junk mail, put the peanut-butter jar back in the cabinet, close the cabinet door, put your dirty socks in the hamper, hang up your wet towel.2

Thank you Gretchen! What a simple, yet profound, way to look at the tasks you need to do or should do today.

Getting Practical

If you are not careful, you kick your shoes off at the door and that is where they land. You get hot and pull off your socks but they never make it to the dirty clothes hamper. You put your plate in the sink rather than simply rinse it. You leave a cup on the table. You grab a tool to use but fail to return it to its home. Why? Because there is something in your mind more pressing. And, at times, there may be. It could be just a bad habit. Not always though – it could be legit to leave it until later. Usually though, cluttering is more of a habit than a necessity.

Confession time…for me this includes areas of growth and failure. Growth first: it is so easy to take something off and not hang it up immediately; instead, stick it on the end of the bed to be hung up later. If I’m not careful, I have multiple outfits at the end of the bed. Thankfully, I’ve seen growth here. At night before going to bed, my goal is to take the extra minute, if I did not do it earlier, and get the banister cleaned off before climbing into bed. If not, long-term it takes longer, clothes get more wrinkled, and I have to live with clutter at the end of the bed.

What are my failure areas where I need to grow? Paperwork on my desk. Stuff that makes it into the car but not out of it. Shoes by the bed. Class notes and folders – which is part of the paperwork problem. Virtual paperwork – emails!

Do you struggle like me? For you, is it easier to sit something down rather than take the extra 60 seconds to place it where it belongs? Is it easier to pass a less-than-one-minute project rather than take the extra 60 seconds to get it done.

That’s where the one-minute rule should help. Take the extra minute and get it where it belongs rather than skip over it. One minute now can save you many minutes later – along with frustration, distraction, and discouragement. What you’ll find is that there it much less clutter all over your living space and life.

Maybe Your One-Minute Looks Different

Once my friend put me onto this idea, I read through various articles and suggestions online. I discovered that some people use different standards rather than one minute. Some people use two minutes or five or even thirty. I’m not sure how practical thirty is for me, because my schedule tends to be very tight. But possibly you can get started with one minute and then work up to other times. We are not talking specific Bible commands here; therefore, you can tweak this any way you want.

What is the biblical principle?

I’ve thought of many verses that I could drop into this space; however, most of them are out of context. But does the Bible have anything to say about clutter? Not really. There is though two ideas that may be helpful to us.

First, “To him that knows to do good and does it not, to him it is sin” (James 4:17). Living clutter-free is not a command. Although, clutter may keep us from following other biblical commands where we are to serve, love, and be kind to others. The clutter may hinder us from doing what is good. In that way, the clutter may encourage sin in our lives.

Second, this may fall under simple love of neighbor. Is our clutter unloving to those that live or work around us? The second great commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:39). In Philippians, Paul wrote, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil 2:4). Is it possible that our clutter is not considering those that live around us?

How does this help?

Essentially, this helps you stay above the clutter than can, at times, be overwhelming and, at times, be unloving. As piles grow, it slows down progress. Clutter distracts. If you are not careful, your mind gets as cluttered as the space around you.

To be honest, I know it takes more than just one rule. In fact, a lifetime of habits are hard to break if you are a clutterer. This is a start though. I am here with you on the starting blocks. I’ve seen growth over the years in one area, now I need to apply that principle or rule to other areas as well.

Do you want to join me? I am early in this journey and have much progress to make. I’ll look forward to hearing how well you did soon. If you have a suggestion or comment, please drop it below. Possibly you can help me and others grow as well.

KevinCarson.com | Walking together through life as friends in Christ sharing wisdom along the journey

The “One Minute Rule” – Decluttering Your Life Sometimes you hear an idea that just sounds too good to be true. Is it possible you can declutter your life with one simple rule?

#Clutter #Life change #New Year #New Year Resolution #One Minute Rule #Organization

0 notes

mi-vista · 6 years

Text

fidelito__o

Well, here’s to another sleepless night lol

For some reason no matter how hard I have tried this past year, I have NOT been able to get Fidel out of my head. Every night, the same shit.

Ever since I wrote him that letter, actually.

Fidel is something special. I was asked today “what did you like about him? Like what made you like him so much?” That really got me thinking. I couldn’t even give a straight answer. I liked everything about him. The way he carries himself, his persona, his look on life, his mentality, his heart, his dick lol, even his big ass nose with the little mole on it. There wasn’t just one thing that I liked about him. I liked him plain and simple. I knew I liked him before we started having sex. I can tell you the exact moment I knew I wanted to fuck him too. We were just chillen laying in my bed. I was faced the other way “sleeping” and he was on the opposite side knocked out. A million nasty things were going through my mind just knowing he was right there next to me... I was wet. I was wet for freakin Fidel. I texted my friend something like “omg I’m like really wet over Fidel rn. I’m just laying here and I couldn’t help myself” I know, I’m nasty lol. Sue me.

Mind you (mini back story), when I first met Fidel ummmm he was an asshole. The first time I really ever hung out with him, he walked into the room and legit stated something like “Hey you guys my name is Fidel and I’m an asshole” so I mean, he kinda lived up to it. (I will give him that this was in high school and homeboy was like 16. But still lol.) There are some things that Fidel doesn’t really know that I remember about him. Like there was this one time we were hanging out at our mutual friends house (this was like around our junior year or something like that) and he openly bragged about having a girlfriend AND fucking some tutor from another school. I know that in that same relationship, his gf cheated on him as well. His most recent ex-girlfriend and his relationship was uuhhh how you say, toxic. Point of this is, he’s an asshole & sometimes I really do question myself but... hear me out.

I didn’t know Fidel at the time. I had never really had a meaningful conversation with him so he didn’t really impact me. Until 2017. Fidel and I have the same group of friends. Fidel’s best friend is actually my best friend as well; and we are our best friend’s, best friends (if that makes sense lol). To make it a little simpler, Fidel and I have the same best friend. Somewhere towards fall of the year 2016, he and I began conversating a bit more that we usually did. We started talking about music, artist, life, perspectives, aliens, politics, sex, the future, marriage, weed, acid, drugs, brainwashing, name it, we talked about it. If we hadn’t talked about it yet, that’s a conversation that awaits. Somehow it always felt like we were just in sync. Just always on the same page. Even when we weren’t, there wasn’t even an issue, we’d just discuss what we wanted and came to a solution. Thought there was one thing that we did have an issue speaking on... our feelings.

Like I said earlier, I knew I liked Fidel before we even started having sex. We were hanging out in my dads backyard one night just talking about life and smoking some weed. We’re we’re just kinda on the topics of ourselves & talking about our personality and the way we are. He looked at me and said something along the lines of “you know Yulissa you’re really cool” and I replied “you’re pretty freakin cool too Fidel” and we just kinda smiled at each other and continued with our conversations. In that time I sat there and thought to myself “damn I really like this dude.” I know so romantic, right lol. I’m a simple girl though, if I’m feeling you, I’m feeling you. It doesn’t have to be complicated. But boy did it get complicated.

In the span of about 7 months after actually befriending him, Fidel ended up renting out a room at my grandmas place. Our best friend was moving out of his place and Fidel wasn’t able to move out with them and it just so happen that there was a vacant room. If he didn’t end up living with at my grandmas house, he would have to move to Arizona. None of us wanted him to move out there, including himself. So he moved in and boy did we really get to know each other.

Fidel and I were just friends. We talked about the girls he was flirting with, we would talk about the guys that would flirt with me. I would even give him advice here and there on things he should say to get girls lol. Then one day, I just kinda started looking at him differently. It mostly started when we started following each other here on Tumblr. I would repost some kinky shit and he would like it and vice versa. Now we both were kinda playing this little “game” I guess. Mind you we would hang out a lot even before he moved in and we followed each other long before he moved in, so this little “game” had been going on for a little while now. One day he came over to my house and mentioned a couple of my kinky posts from tumblr to which I replied “mmm no, we don’t talk about tumblr *lol*” from then on, we never really talked about it but we both knew what’s up.

I specifically remember this one post that I think is what really took us to the next level. It was a picture post of a couple text messages. The person replying said “I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I really want to fuck you” to which the other text replied “Ruin it.” Fidel liked that repost of mine. From then on, it was on.

When Fidel moved in, I spent a lot of time upstairs. We would smoke, watch Netflix or Hulu off my chrome cast and just hang out. I got in this bad habit of falling asleep in his bed and waking up at like 6:00am and dragging my ass downstairs back to my bed. A few hours later either I would wake up to a good morning text or he’d wake up to a good morning text, we would get ourselves situated, hit the gym, grab some food to eat, shower, and go to work. We had our little routine. It was really nice 💕.

One night, as I normally did, I fell asleep in his bed. He was laying next to me and outta no where he just started playing with my hair. It felt good. He got up, went to the restroom & came back. I was like half awake & he asked me if I wanted to lay normally like horizontally on the bed. I agreed, layed down and got comfy. When I tell you, I don’t know what came over me. I do not know what came over me lol but I was just laying there, thinking a million nasty things that I wanted to do. So my ballsy ass starts lightly touching him. Stroking my fingers along his ribs, stomach, hips, pelvis, until I reached his dick and lightly started feeling on it. Boy did I like what I felt. He chuckled and said “I knew you were trying to play with me” I giggled and replied “I’m not just trying to play with you” he paused and we talked for a minute. He asked me what I was thinking and kinda what my intentions were. I just told him that I didn’t want to think. I just kinda wanted to do. I don’t really think he liked my response too much, but I didn’t want to scare him off with my feelings. I was pretty insecure about myself and I didn’t want him to know how deep my feelings for him really ran. A part of me also didn’t want to get hurt in the case that he didn’t feel the same. So I put up an emotional wall lol. What I REALLY wanted to say was something like “Idk I just really like you and I want to see where this goes” or even “You’re something different and I just want to show you how much I like you.” But that didn’t happen. So we ended up laying there for a minute he asked if I would just want to cuddle, I agreed and we layed there for a minute. Then I started playing with my tongue ring a little bit. Sliding it across my teeth. He then says “Maybe you could just taste me?” I asked if he was sure... he was sure lol. I sat up, pulled off his shorts, his boxers and licked his dick all over. In the midst of his moaning, I looked at him and said “I want you to fuck me,” “oh yeah?” He asks, I nodded yes. He lays me down, back on the bed, feet in the air, knees to my ears. He slides his dick into my wet pussy. I had never felt so good in my life. I could feel him, all of him. Stroking back and forth. Fuck he felt so good. My toes were curling, my guys we’re rearranging, my heart was pounding, my body temperature was rising, I was cumming. He had to cover my mouth just so I wouldn’t wake up the house. I was a loud one.

We finished, we got up and got ourselves situated. Before we started up, we set a couple of rules. I set the whole,

No kissing

No touching

No cuddling rules

He set the whole,

No spending the night

No falling in love rules

We accepted and continued on.

We had a good arrangement, I can’t really explain what happened after that. We had A LOT of fun and a lot of sex. This went on for a few months. In this time span, he was still texting other girls, flirting with other girls and I was texting and flirting with other guys as well. We were still playing this weird tumblr game. I was also kinda trying to send him some subtle messages on my blog to hint that I had feelings for him. It was a weird and bit confusing time. One day I just kinda had enough. We would have pretty good sex but I wasn’t able to totally open myself up sexually with him because of the fact that I wasn’t really like “his girl.” There were things that I wanted to do to and for him but we had set rules and boundaries. Also, Fidel was on the fence about moving back home to Arizona, so even if he did reciprocate those feelings, that would be a whole other conversation about a long distance relationship that I know I can’t have with him. With anyone really. I need my man to be within driving distance when I need him. So I ended the sex.

After already leaving the house, I had come back because I had forgotten something in my room. I knocked on his door and walked up, I told him that I needed to talk to him real quick. I asked him if he had feelings for me, he looked at me nervously, scratched the back of his head and replied uhh, no” I say “okay cool, just wanna make sure.” He questions me & I say to him, “I think we should end this.” He seemed confused and asked “end what?” I said, “the sex” he looked at me nervously, hand scratching the back of his head and calmly says “oh, why didn’t you just say that?” I explained that I didn’t really know how to say it and I have never been in a situation like this before. I just wanted to acknowledge his feelings and just wanted everything to be cool. I asked if we were good, he said we were good & we went back to being friends for a little, sorta.

He started fucking around with other girls after, still texting and flirting with other chicks. I was wildin out too, messing around with other guys, going on dates and stuff. But somewhere within all that there was still something between us.

I ended the sex for a handful of reasons.

1. He wasn’t my man

2. He was moving to Arizona

3. We were playing games

4. We both didn’t want a relationship in the beginning

5. I wanted to make sure my feelings were real for him even without the sex.

I remember the day I fell in love with Fidel as if it were yesterday. My mom and I had plans to spend the day in Rosarito, MX. I was thinking about inviting Fidel with us but I didn’t know if my mom wanted it to be like a mommy/daughter day or whatever so I didn’t mention it. My mom actually mentioned inviting him and I agreed and asked if he was busy that day. Fortunately, he was available. We picked him up and went off for the day. We get to Mexico, run some errands, drink some drinks, eat some good food, and somehow we end up on some campground in between Rosarito & Popotla. They have a bar there so Fidel and I get a drink. We’re getting a little tour of the camp ground and we drive up to these private fancy cabins they have on the highest part of the campground. We’re walking through the room and the guide says something in Spanish like “yeah there are fun things to do up here” i thought to myself “yeah this be a dope place to fuck” and then Fidel says out loud to himself “this would be a dope place to fuck” I looked back at him shocked and said “ I was literally thinking the same exact thing rn omg” and we just looked at each other and started giggling. We started walking back to the car and I just kinda stared at him for a moment. The sun was hitting his face right. He was holding that beer bottle pretty sexy like and in that moment I just felt so much love for that man. I looked at him and smiled, he smiled back. The rest of the day was just awesome. We were all listening and singing to Latino music and just having a great time. My mom dropped us off at my pops place and we sobered up, smoked a bowl and we’re just hanging there for a minute. It was quiet but like a comfortable quiet. Then he just started playing this really old, like 50’s love song. (Mind you, music was our thing. That was a way that we both expressed our emotions. Music was our emotional outlet) In my peripheral vision I could see him looking at me. I was really nervous and didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing. I starred downward and spun my phone back and forth. I will admit. In my mind, he just said that he loves me. A minute later he asks me if I am still down to hit the gym, I gladly say yes and we got to the gym.

About a week after that, we were in a weirder place. It’s like there was something that we needed to talk about but never did. I really wanted to talk about it tho. I couldn’t find the balls to do it. So I wrote him a letter.

Yes, there is physical proof out there of my love for Fidel *heavy sigh*

In the letter I explained to him pretty much everything that I explained in this post, give or take some stuff. I told him how much he truly meant to me, when I first realized I liked him, when I first realized I loved him, and how deep my love runs for him.

The letter was really more for me that it was for him. I had a history of bottling up my emotions, especially when it comes to guys that I am interested in or have feelings for. I tend to just keep them to myself and watch the guy I love be with another girl. I couldn’t do that this time though. I had to say something. So I folded up the letter put it in an envelope and left it on his chair in his room. To top it off, I have it to him on my 20th birthday. I know right. It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to lol. Which I did.

He opened it.

We distanced ourselves from each other.

He picked a date to move back to Arizona.

September 21st, 2017 was our best friends 21st birthday gold theme party. I’m a procrastinator so I didn’t pick out my outfit til the day of. And when I tell y’all I looked GOOD I looked freakin good lol. I tweaked the color a little and threw on some Rose Gold pulled up to the party looking fly as fuck. When I walked into the party, I was like the highlight of the night lol everyone was coming up to me so excited to see me and what not. I kinda felt like a little celebrity lol. I look over to the beer pong tables and there’s Fidel playing beer pong with some rando girl. Instantly killed my mood. I didn’t even say hi to him cause I was being petty lol. Go play with you little gf *shrugs*. I was heated tho lol.

Quick backstory, there’s this dude that worked at 24 Hour Fitness with my best friend. His name is Max and Max is fine. Okay he is fine. Max and I had a little vibe going on, for a little while too but we never really got too into it lol.

Okay, continuing now.

I’m saying hi to everyone and I say what’s up to this guy Max. We’ve flirted here and there before and I have mention in front of Fidel and friends that he is fine and that he can get it lol but I wasn’t really all that serious. I mean he could but I’m not that easy haha. Anyway, I didn’t say hi to Fidel so once I got seated and comfortable he actually came up and said hi to me. Gave me a little kiss on the cheek talked for a sec then I did my own thing. At some point I ended up with my girly friend at the little buffet table of snacks they had out and I was up there munchin on some chips when Max approaches me. We start up a light conversation. Talking about him and how he’s doing. When Fidel RUDELY walked right in between Max and I in the midst of our conversation. Max & I looked at each other like “okay...” and continued the conversation. Throughout the night, Max and I were eyeing each other and talking it up here and there. By the end of the night, I was standing off on my own for a second and he approaches me again. Slides his hand behind my lower back and asks me what I’m going to be up to after the party. I look up and Fidel is right off the the side of us. Just kinda staring. I look at Max, respond with “nothing much, I need another drink though” I walked off, went it to the garage to grab another drink and contemplated on what my next move was. I walked back out and just stuck with my friend for the rest of the night lol. The night was ending and I’m saying my good byes to everyone. I run into Fidel and make sure he’s good with a ride home and if he wanted any food or anything. He’s good.

October 2017.

We’re at our best friends, family’s Halloween party. I finally pull up to the party, everyone hyped to see me lol. We have an awesome night partying being drunk. Shit pops off, Andre is wildin. We calm the beast down and it’s time for me and Fidel to head home. My mom finally picks us up and we’re heading back to the house. We’re almost home when Fidel asks me if I have a spare key to his room. Apparently he had left his at our friends house. I let him know I didn’t have it and he says “it’s okay, I’m not going to be staying the night at home anyway.” My heart dropped. I got quiet. We got home. I went inside and then decided I wanted to smoke a little bowl, so I went back outside and Fidel followed. I packed us a couple bowls. We smoked and he says “I got your letter”

He told me that my letter was “cute” and that he loves me just “not in that way” and that he cares a lot about me. I put my emotional wall up and told him that it’s okay and that I won’t make him feel bad for it. Which I never feel like I did. I told him the letter was mostly for me to finally be able to express my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. He understood. I told him how much he truly meant to me. Even then, I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to but I did the best I could in the emotional state I was in. For fucks sake I was drunk off my ass and high as a fuckin kite. I was a mess lmao. Anyway, the chick that he’s spending the night with pulls up to pick him up. He goes inside to grab his things, comes back out. As I’m going inside he stops me, gives me the absolute biggest hug and says to me “I love you” I hug him tighter. We smile at each other and continue on. The next day, he packed all his shit and moved to Arizona.

Fin.

0 notes