#I like a jealous Kinn and a Porsche who is aware of it

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

When you’re jealous and your bodyguard boyfriend is a little brat

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #this was so funny #I like a jealous Kinn and a Porsche who is aware of it #thai drama #bl series #myedit

[thatgirl4815]

Everything They Aren’t Saying

“Are you saying that I’ve hurt you?”

“Or have you not?”

This! This was an opportunity for Kinn to capitalize on. It was one of the first times Porsche opened up the discussion about what happened that night, albeit indirectly. I’m more of the belief that Kinn knows that Porsche is conflicted about things. He knows he’s feeling bad (I mean how could you not notice? The former ball-of-sunshine is so closed off and quiet now) but Kinn can’t afford himself even one moment to play into it (as much as he wants to). They’re wearing their colors, they’re in his home: everything makes Kinn dreadfully aware of his position. He can’t show an ounce of vulnerability, not after he’s already opened himself up too much before. But we, as the audience, know that it hurts Kinn to hear this. “At least they’ve done me no harm.” The way Porsche says it, the look in his eyes, is then met with this reaction:

He tries so hard to put on a facade that his position--his father--demands of him, but Porsche continues to present little chinks in his armor. There’s a softness to his eyes that contradicts what he says. He stayed up waiting for Porsche, he’s angry that he went out with Vegas, but just like how Porsche doesn’t know what Kinn is thinking, Kinn doesn’t know what Porsche is thinking either. We saw him grapple with this last episode over the kiss, but now the situation is even more messy. He can’t be subtle anymore because they both know the elephant in the room. Porsche was drugged, but he knows what went on between them, Kinn obviously knows that Porsche knows, and--most importantly--they both know there’s no going back.

A (not so brief) aside on Kinn:

I keep saying this, but I think it’s so clear from this episode that we are seeing these events more from Porsche’s eyes than from Kinn’s (understandably so--Porsche was the victim in last week’s episode). But it’s important to note that they are both victims of something. **This is not to belittle Porsche’s trauma, as Kinn was undeniably wrong for sleeping with a man who could not give his full consent. Porsche will always be a victim of that, and Kinn needs to openly acknowledge that, regardless if Porsche was asking for it, he shouldn’t have done it.** But Kinn is a victim in the sense that he is always giving parts of himself away to be the person he needs to be. His father demands it of him. If not for that conversation between Korn and Kinn by the pool, I truly believe that Kinn would not have punished Porsche for what happened. He might have become cold and distant after sitting with it for awhile, but I do not think we would’ve seen him act out so harshly without a clear push from the boss. It pains him to lock his emotions up, but again, he has no choice.

We’ve seen this plot before. A resistant protagonist. The cold dominant. But part of what makes this trope so interesting is that the character growth is so inextricably tied to the core romantic relationship. Kinn as a person grows because of Porsche (and vice versa, in a different way). This is what makes it one of my favorites. So far, I think they’re executing it beautifully.

Part of the reason I think they keep pushing this “you and me against the world” idea is because, in a way, Kinn and Porsche are now part of a greater crime syndicate that is just as dangerous for their enemies as it is for them, both externally and internally. We saw Kinn admit in the conversation at the pier that he’s had to live with this burden his entire life. Kinn knows that this life takes a toll on him, and I think he’ll want to protect Porsche from that more as the season goes on. I could be wrong, but I think that this all goes back to the reason why Kinn is attracted to Porsche in the first place: he doesn’t give in to the environment. He is himself, always. Kinn can’t be himself, so of course he’s going to be attracted to someone who is. But he’ll also be jealous, as I think we see a glimmer of during the night at the pier. What Kinn seems to be grappling with in the giffed (?) scene above is the idea that he is the reason why Porsche isn’t himself anymore (or, at least, he’s not the person he used to be). Kinn didn’t mean for Porsche to get drugged, and Porsche probably would’ve been messed up if that was all it was, but Kinn has knowingly added trauma to it. 

I think he even acknowledges that he is to blame for most of this trauma during the scene with Korn by the pool. He even says “This happened to him because Porsche works for our family” which could be about the drugging, but I think you could also connect it to what happened after (that might be a little bit of a stretch depending on how you look at it, but I digress). A lot of this is mere speculation, but from the concerned--might I even say fearful?--expression on Kinn’s face during this entire conversation with Korn, I find it hard to believe he does not feel at least some personal responsibility for what came after the drugging. Throughout the majority of Ep4, Kinn was trying to understand Porsche’s feelings for him. Of course he’s going to feel as if he made a mistake here in Ep5 when he sees how Porsche reacts the morning after the drugging. He made the mess even more messy, and now he has to find a way to clean it up. It’s not easy for a guy who hardly allows himself to feel at all, much less talk about those feelings. Which brings us to this conversation:

Once again, here is Kinn making generalizations. Not that this is a lie; he does care about all of his people, from what we can see. But by constantly referencing “his people,” he is intentionally shifting away from the topic. Porsche wants to know that Kinn cares about him and him specifically. Kinn kissing and then later sleeping with Porsche suggests that he cares (especially after Porsche overheard his boy toy say that Kinn doesn’t just kiss anyone), but Porsche has proven to be less than knowledgable about these things (plus, Kinn really isn’t giving him much to work with)...

A lot of the discourse from this episode has been about this line, and I agree with most of it. I think it’s fair for Porsche to say that Kinn is playing with his emotions--and in the moment, it makes sense that he would say Kinn doesn’t care. But Kinn has shown time and time again that he does care, even if he goes and does something else afterwards that seemingly contradicts it. Yes, he’s playing with Porsche’s emotions. Yes, he’s being hypocritical. But if you look at it closer, everything Kinn has done against Porsche is connected to his position as a mafia boss. If Porsche could see that and fully come to grips with it, I wonder if that would alter his reaction here. 

I sound like quite the Kinn apologist here. I’m not trying to be. Rationalizing his actions is the best way to get into his headspace. I fully sympathize and emphasize with Porsche over his trauma. He’s been put through the wringer both physically and mentally. He’s in no state of mind to be empathizing with Kinn.

All in all, it would be easy enough to write Kinn off as a villain because of what happened at the end of Ep4, but I don’t think--and clearly Porsche doesn’t think--he’s irredeemable. He made a mistake and he knows it. Ep6 will pave the way for their relationship going forward. To truly understand and appreciate the depth of KinnPorsche’s interactions, we need to embrace both of their perspectives. 

Kinn will, in my opinion, grow to understand a greater moral truth that the show seems to be pushing for: it is not usual, nor is it healthy, for humans to push their emotions away. To Kinn, true intimacy is the enemy. I suspect that at his lowest point, he will grow to believe this even more. But I think--and desperately hope--that he will soon see love as something powerful and worth protecting. It didn’t work out for him before, but it will. This time. If this clip is any indication, than I have a lot of hope:

You can only wear a mask for so long before it either molds to your face, or it begins to fall apart. For Kinn, it is falling apart piece by piece.

~ ~ ~

Ok, so this was all over the place. I just think their interactions are so nuanced that it would be a shame to overlook the details. This turned out to be a Kinn-centric post, but I just find him so interesting that I couldn’t resist. I would love to hear everyone else’s thoughts too, so feel free to agree or disagree with any of the points made. I love discussing. :) Have a great day! 

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinn x porsche #kinn anakinn #kinn porsche #porsche pachara #This was such a ramble omg #Hopefully someone can make some sense of it #I'm in a writing mode all of a sudden so no wonder this got LONG #Like I said I really want to know what everyone else thinks too #Discussions are my bread and butter

[lutawolf]

Well, my KinnPorsche notes and thoughts kept getting longer and longer. So one blog became irrational. Here is the link to my 1-3 episode blog if you haven't read it and are interested. Now moving on to epi 4.

Episode 4 notes and thoughts.

How did Porsche make it off the pier and to his room. Clearly not by Kinn himself so there had to have been some sober people around. That gives credit to my belief there were other guards as back up. Just not visible.

It looks like I'm going to have to take back my statement about the kiss not meaning love on Kinn's part. The way he is reminiscing about the kiss sure indicates he is falling hard and fast. I mean from my previous notes, I felt that Kinn was getting there but damn.

Can we talk about the vulnerability on Kinn's face after reminiscing? He looks scared. Is he scared of being vulnerable? Or is he scared of how Porsche is going to react about the kiss?

I love that they kept a jealous Kinn. In general, I like a little jealousy when it's logical. This is helpful in giving a deeper look into a characters feelings. Kinn is on unsure ground with Porsche and knows it. He doesn't want anyone else to have Porsche but he has no rights as of yet.

Vegas you are a smooth, smooth liar. Everyone saw how upset you were about your brother.

Kinn's face when Porsche says "If he talks to me nicely, I'll talk nicely to him"

Hey look, we called one! Kinn was concerned about how Porsche was going to react about the kiss. Side Note: the fucking convo was to die for funny.

Arm comes and gets Porsche before he even knows there is an issue with Khun. When they show up to Khuns, Arm asks what's wrong and *then* he finds out Khun is missing. Was he rescuing him from Kinn?

What fucking idiots. I say this with nothing but love. Did he really look under the blanket on the ottoman for a grown ass man. Crackheads the bunch of them!

Again I want to point out how Porsche is allowed to treat Khun completely different then the other bodyguards. He literally covered his mouth! Yet he was brushed off like he was a sibling.

I love these crackheads. What a lovely bunch of coconuts. Porsche is absolutely leading them astray and yet they are following him. Are they even aware that they treat him slightly different. Is it because Khun treats Porsche differently and they see how much Porsche is allowed to get away with? Hmm, I think so.

I like how they gave deeper meaning to Porsche's tattoo. Originally it wasn't that deep but this was a nice touch that better fits with who Porsche is. I also like how easily he opens up to Kinn about it. A month ago he would have spouted some bullshit but after the choking incident, he is giving more of himself away to Kinn.

Why did Porsche's mom say he couldn't die before his little brother finished his degree? She clearly knew that she wouldn't have a long life. What made her think Porsche might not either?

Porsche's tone when he thought Kinn was leaving. I honestly don't think Porsche knows he has feelings for Kinn. He's just subconsciously doing all these things.

Kinn, we saw what you did there. Purposely putting yourself in a position to sit closer to Porsche. Ain't nobody but Porsche fooled.

That side look Kinn gives before asking about a gf. 🤣🤣🤣

No Porsche you haven't seen him with any girls but you took his rent boy home. We know you are smarter than this. I'm just going to assume you are fishing too. You are just smoother than Kinn.

Oh yes, he is smooth. He slid those insults right in without batting an eyelash.

I fucking love it! Stare and move in close. The hopefull look on Kinn's face and then the crotch landing. Not exactly what Kinn was hoping for but he is still smiling.

That jump Pete gives when Vegas' hand lands on his shoulder.

Kinn how are you so aware of Porsche? You know where he is and with whom at all times huh.

If you watch closely the crackhead couple already knew that Kinn was going to sit next to Porsche.

Porsche, you the only clueless person at the table. Nope, not so clueless. When Vegas gives him that meat he looks right at Kinn. He knows vegas is purposely trying to bother kinn.

Look at the faces of the crackhead couple when Kinn says "No". They are concerned about the tension but not surprised that Kinn said no.

Dude, Porsche is pissed that Kinn talked about him like that.

No subtle warning there. "I don't like people getting into my business" as in, leave Porsche the fuck alone. My dude, you completely gave yourself away to everyone but Porsche.

Khun. I adore you. The way you hit Vegas. Everyone jumped but Kinn. I don't think Khun just dislikes Vegas. I mean yeah he dislikes the second family but more than that, he is very protective of Kinn. No insult toward Kinn will be taken lightly. What I'm curious about is if he was being protective of Porsche as well?

I think so. If you notice when he is talking and says "guys" he looks at Kinn and Porsche but "how could you let him eat with us?" He never looks at Kinn and Porsche. He is pointing and directing all his attention to the other bodyguards.

Kinn tells them to go get Khun. We actually see Pete chase after him. We see the crackhead couple's shadow behind Kinn, chasing after Khun. We do not hear or see Porsche leave though.

I absofuckinglove that Kinn doesn't kiss rent boy. Kisses are something special to him that he reserves. Okay girls and boys, this is a huge fucking clue. Boy knows he is gone for Porsche. Not completely gone or he wouldn't be fucking someone else and well he doesn't completely trust him yet but he is way more than half-way there.

That black underwear is doing nothing for me.

Love that smile on Kinn's face that he is trying so hard to hide. He is so fucking amused by Porsche.

Kinn's facial expressions as he listens to Porsche talk to Big. He fell just a little more. Big you just got yourself on some shit lists.

Ahhhhh, Porsche remembering the kiss. Pete, you killing me. You make valid points though.

Wik?? Is that a play on Kim. Like Ki then flip the W to make an M? So like a reverse mirror. 😏

Kim and Chey are not following the book at all. They've changed Kim's core character. I'm going to be honest and say I'm not a fan. Sorry peeps, don't come at me, I'm personally just not liking the changes and I'm not seeing any chemistry.

There goes Kinn's ability again. The one in which he knows where Porsche is. Also, let's admit a month ago Porsche wouldn't have listened to Kinn. He wouldn't have stood up without more fight not would he have removed his shirt. There is trust developing on his end.

Does Porsche believe that story about Khun being mad about Vegas? I mean honestly, it's a believable story. That fits with Khun but then why only Porsche and not the crackhead couple? I think Porsche believes the story because his face screams hurt. Kinn hurt him with that remark.

Big thinks he is playing the big game here. He is setting Porsche up. Does Kim believe it? He for sure doesn't like Big.

Vegas absolutely does not believe the story about Porsche being given back to Kinn. His face says it all. Also where is Vegas getting his information? Is he talking out his ass or is someone leaking to him? If it's someone leaking it would have to be someone close to Khun huh?

Even Kinn's friends don't believe Kinn's story. Nope, everyone sees the attraction.

Porsche, I keep defending you. Telling everyone that you are smarter than you look. Right now you making us both look like white crayons. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I absofuckinglove that Kinn dropped everything to look for Porsche. There is no part of me that believes he would do this for all of his body guards. Even his friends were confused, which tells you we aren't looking at normal behavior.

Okay, the way they handled this next scene with Vegas gives me hope. It really shows that the show is going in a better direction. It's still going to be morally grey but it's not black like the books.

Big and Ken are completely thrown by Kinn's behavior but Pete and Arm aren't.

Okay, the vomiting scene. Pete and Arm try to get Kinn to let them handle it. Are they bothered that Kinn is dropping his duties instead of letting them handle it or are they just surprised. They look at each other several times. I don't really see surprise. But they are concerned about Kinn taking care of Porsche for some reason.

I absofuckinglove love that Kin just immediately takes responsibility of Porsche with no fucks given. Boy is falling so fucking hard.

When Kinn was talking to the other bodyguards he didn't care. Talking to Porsche though, he is really trying to maintain that facade.

At this point I'm just going to pretend that somehow they rinsed Porsche's mouth out. Like he was so parched from the drugs he drank a pitcher of water. Otherwise, eww.

He kisses him, but watch his reaction when Porsche kisses him. It's a no go. This is actually very Dom. A Dom controls, they aren't controlled.

He is also fighting himself because Porsche is drugged and clearly not 100% himself. Then Porsche very coherently says, "why did you kiss me at the pier then." He is drugged but he also isn't gone. He is coherent enough to communicate, he isn't just laying there like with Vegas. Wait, he didn't just lay there, he fought. He isn't fighting Kinn though. This is absolutely skating a morally grey zone. Kinn knows this, but you can see the moment he goes fuck it. Would he stop if Porsche said to? Absolutely. Porsche is never put in a position where he can't push Kinn away, well, until the deed at least. Porsche is very much an active partner. He is kissing back, giving back, and is actually the one undressing Kinn. Kinn never takes his pants off until Porsche does it for him. For all of us who have been intoxicated, you only getting button/zipper on someone else if you are in the tipsy range. Hell even tipsy I'm not getting my own pants off me.

Okay so the sex scene is a balance of uncomfortable, then extremely sensual, and then combustible. Is it a metaphor for their relationship?

So there are my thoughts and notes for episode 4. As usual I'm open to discussion but don't come at me. Hope you enjoyed, thank you.

#apparently kinn loves to bite #streaming kinnporsche on iqiyi #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #streaming kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #kinnporsche skating a morally grey line #my thoughts and opinions on kinnporsche

[kinnbig]

this is very random but do you know if we know what happened with tawan in the beginning? was he actually in love with kinn, betrayed kinn later and got shot and then vegas got to him, or was he always working with vegas and only pretended to be kinn's boyfriend to "betray" him, knowing that it would ruin kinn's life in some ways? the part where big suspected him the first time makes me feel like something was off right away?

hmmm, there's really not a whole lot to go off in the show! In ep8, Kinn tells Porsche that Tawan had never loved him and was always only using him - but that's only Kinn's perspective and might not actually be true from Tawan's point of view. Kinn is obviously incredibly hurt, as well as furious at Tawan's betrayal, and we know it gave him incredibly long-lasting trust issues. So it makes sense that he would see it that way even if it wasn't strictly true.

Maybe Tawan did love Kinn at first, but he was eventually seduced by money or power or Vegas. Maybe he hadn't always been planning on betraying Kinn, but he hadn't really loved him either; maybe he'd seen Kinn as a way into a life of power and luxury, and then the betrayal came later. Maybe when he met Kinn he was already working with the minor family or other mafia families and the whole relationship was a ruse.

I also don't think it's ever mentioned in the show whether Tawan was involved with Vegas or the minor family prior to Kinn shooting him. In the same conversation in ep8, Kinn tells Porsche it was the Italians that Tawan was selling his information to (which he could have been doing either with or without minor family involvement), but doesn't mention the minor family at all.

So if Tawan was working with the minor family during his relationship with Kinn, I doubt Kinn was aware of it. Considering what happened in the previous episode (ep7, with Kinn insisting that Porsche shouldn't trust the minor family, and then Vegas kissing Porsche etc), I think if Kinn knew, or even suspected, that Tawan had been involved with Vegas during their relationship then he would have mentioned it to Porsche here, to reiterate the whole "don't trust Vegas" thing.

But regardless of how much Kinn was aware of - maybe Tawan was working with Vegas to sell information to the Italians. Maybe he was working directly with the Italians but also, separately, sleeping with Vegas. Maybe he had no involvement with the minor family until after Kinn shot him. We don't know. We only really know that by the time we get to the warehouse in ep10, Tawan seems to be genuinely in love with Vegas, and that Vegas had put a lot of time and effort into making that happen.

In the novels, Tawan had been cheating on Kinn with Vegas during their initial relationship. But the show deviates quite a lot from novel-canon, especially in relation to Tawan/Vegas/the traitor situation (Big is the mole in the books, Ken doesn't exist, and Tawan has a brother who is behind Chay's kidnapping) - so that doesn't necessarily mean that's what happened in show-canon.

Basically, it's all just theories and headcanons!

Personally, my headcanon is: Tawan did like Kinn to begin with. I imagine he was also a social climber, and that was definitely part of what drew him to Kinn - but he did genuinely care for Kinn, at least at first. Vegas was young, and had only recently worked out how to utilise the power that his charisma and good looks gave him, and he was angry and resentful and committed to ruining his cousin's life. So he slowly seduced Tawan, and Tawan fell for him, and Vegas convinced him that taking Kinn down was the only way they could be together - so Tawan started bringing information to Vegas and the Italians. Big had always been jealous of Tawan, and so was always extra critical of him - which is what made him notice that Tawan was acting suspiciously and start to look into it, and eventually bring his suspicions to Kinn. I imagine that at this point, Vegas was also already involved with Ken - and that was how Vegas knew how and where to find Tawan after Kinn shot him. I think Vegas' plans with Tawan in the show were an extension of plans he'd had since Kinn and Tawan had been together.

But that's entirely just my own speculation! There's so much we don't know and so much potential for theorising, so pls tell me what you think 👀

#this is an incredibly long-winded way of saying 'idk' jsdfjdjd #but u know me. i do love to talk. #ask #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #kinn theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #tawan kinnporsche #darcey.txt #kinn kp #vegas kp #tawan kp #kp posting

[yeetlegay]

i dont think its weird that porsche got fooled by vegas, yes kinn warned him but never told him exactly any reason, and when porsche played along with vegas in ep 7 all he got was that vegas was some weird guy who liked him and tried to kiss him (he wasn't even violent there and nobody knows it was vegas who drugged him), so then kinn being jealous actually makes sense to him? and then vegas apologized about it? and from what porsche said he found it so weird that vegas would betray his family because like you said porsche still doesn't know a lot about the literal mafia and we know family is very important to him, so he probably just thought kinn and vegas were cousins who didn't get along (its not like both families have been visibly hostile to e/o in front of porsche??? when they visited in ep 2 korn and his brother were nice and all), at the end of the day this is a 23 yo dude who suddenly finds himself in this weird world, and also the audience sees things porsche is not seeing

All of this ^^^ it’s harder to see Porsche’s point of view given that we just know SO much more than he does and also we have, like, genre awareness! We know to expect antagonists and drama and schemes in a way that Porsche doesn’t necessarily.

And like you said, Porsche is YOUNG. He’s only 23 and still naive in a lot of ways. Think about how he acted in episode 2. That is NOT the behavior of someone who fully understands just how dangerous the mafia is and how much he’s risking by acting out like that. If this show were even remotely realistic (and thank god it’s not!) he would’ve been dead or worse by episode 3 at the latest.

He’s been thrown into the deep end of this world, expected to just process and keep up with endless threats and danger all while busy falling in love with his boss, which obviously comes with its own emotional rollercoaster. He’s just one human guy, there’s no way to handle all of that 100% gracefully all the time. He’s looking for friends and stability wherever he can find it (I mean ffs he was looking for it in Kinn of all people practically as soon as he got to the compound). And even if he thinks Vegas is a little weird or doesn’t want to encourage what he perceives to be a crush, I can understand why Porsche was inclined to trust him.

So yeah, totally agree anon, it’s a little harder to put ourselves in his shoes, and we do have to fill in a lot of gaps to understand his actions, but everything feels pretty in character to me.

#kinnporsche #yeetle asks #why don’t queue stay

[jessi--ac]

Let's talk about Kinn and

Look, he's still quite not there yet, because he didn't understand fully that Porsche needs words to be spoken out loud for him to really believe, but my mans is practically screaming internally. The last spoken problem Porsche is talking about with him since epi 7 is how Kinn doesn't trust him and since there he's showing that he trusts without yet telling out loud, so Porsche also doesn't quite understand. Now that we know he was in on the plan since the beginning, we can go back and watch his reactions and really... when he saw Porsche and Vegas on the pool he was probably really fucking annoyed but nowhere near his usual jealous reaction, he didn't even clenched his jaw... and the eyes

of someone who's begging with his expression alone 'please understand that i trust you'

with a side of 'i love you so fucking much' but i digress...

And in epi 10 when Porsche once again said that he needed Kinn to trust him my dude was looking

like

this

another 'i fucking trust you' with a side of 'but what the actual fuck are you doing, honey"

And really, Kinn is actually really trying to show how much he does correspond to Porsche's needs, but until he use his words, we will be cycling through the same set of issues. But i believe they are getting there, seeing how Kinn was on his way to lay out his plan to Porsche, because he knows he can't keep things from him without messing things up. They both fucked up, they both know it (and I believe Kinn is more aware than Porsche, that's why we have another scene to come in which they will miscommunicate again) and they only need to finally be on the same wavelength where they speak on both their languages and have mutual understanding. But i have faith

#kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #LESGO BABIES

[bleakyblues]

oh my god I swear my breath stopped when I got the new chapter notification. I loooooooved this chapter, like the way I can't stop thinking about kinn and porsche as persephone and hades? shaking screaming and crying <3

just everything about this chapter completely hit me, the reality of kinn loving porsche, how he'd rather be hated then put porsche at risk, how despite all this he can't keep himself away. God I love tragedy, can't wait to see what happens next (seriously my heart speeds up every time I think about this fic)

yes, Yes YESS! you don't know how excited this ask about the Persephone and Hades myth makes me. (mythology nerd here)

I am particularly obsessed with this myth for KP because on the surface it's a tale of cruelty right? Hades/Kinn (both of whom are lords of the 'underworld' wink, wink) drags poor, unwilling and bright like sunshine Persephone/Porsche down to the underworld and away from Demeter/family. Then when there's a chance to leave, he traps her/him with the fruit/ring. It is a tragedy in its purest form.

But then, when you read deeper into the myth you realise a few key points that are usually left out for a more palatable narrative -

1. Hades had three brothers (like Kinn) and like Kinn, he was the unwilling ruler of the underworld because he quite literally drew the shorter straw (perhaps the first one in mythological history even). He also genuinely loved Persephone - he never cheated and in some versions, gave her an out and an ability to leave by offering her only one seed instead of the whole fruit.

2. That you couldn't leave the underworld if you had underworld food was a very ancient law that predated even the Olympians so it is a bit weird that Persephone didn't know exactly what she was doing when she had that fruit, especially given that her mother was the fricken goddess of fruits. This is also a perfect analogy for Porsche, who, when he returned to Kinn for the last time and took the ring, knew exactly what he was getting into with the ring (i have a whole meta about it, you can read that one for more on the topic).

3. Persephone was actually called 'dread Persephone' by Hesiod in his Theogony and she was supposed to have been Hades' 'Queen' (laughs in chess) and his equal. She was Hades' most trusted advisor, the protector of his realm, the one who decided the cruelest punishments and had enough control on the ghosts to send them to the living world. That is practically the definition of what Porsche becomes by the end of the show because what else role he'd have as the head of the minor family who's duty is literally to do the dirty work of the major one.

3. Persephone's only known possible affair was with Adonis (Vegas anybody?) but that is also disputed because some claim she loved him like a mother, having raised him since he was a child, and not like a lover. So it was a rumour rather than the actual truth - just like Porsche and Vegas would seem to be to any unsuspecting bystander who wasn't aware of the whole situation.

4. Persephone was known to be a very, very jealous person (just like Porsche) and really, really petty because there was a nymph named Minthe who tried to seduce Hades so Persephone turned her into a mint plant just so she could stomp on it. Seems like the kind of a thing Porsche would do in fact.

There are other similarities out there but this is all I can remember off the top of my head right now. (Also, don't tell anyone but I might have a Hades-Persephone kp fic in the works ;)

#kinnporsche #fanfic #you were there written in my stars #asks #hades #persephone #myth as metaphor

[kdramabrainrotstation]

If KinnPorsche, The Devil Judge and Vincenzo existed in the same universe - A)I would combust and B) I think that Yo Han and to a degree, Ga On would be jealous of how physically close KinnPorsche are while KinnPorsche would be jealous of how 'emotionally' close Gahan are. And Vincenzo would be rolling his eyes in the background thinking why did God put me in the middle of these insufferable gays?

okay so a) 10000 percent right there with you anon. i think i smell smoke coming out my ears already just thinking about it hnnnn

and b) i have so many feelings and i'm going to try and condense them down and not give you a whole ass novel like i keep giving people lmfao

so the concept of these three things existing in one universe is actually not??? terribly??? impossible??? vincenzo is literally a part of the italian mafia and just a couple tweaks might put the cassano family after kinn rather than the group we get in the show--just...with less creepy gross comments from old mob bosses please.

there's also the alternative of kinn following his father's orders to work with vincenzo on dealing with yohan. could be they were hired by the chaebols to get the job done--we all know how loaded the lot of them are, and money is one of the fundamentals of the organized crime world. in a dystopia, i imagine the underworld is even more volatile, too.

but i'm not gonna get into all the details because that's a lot more kinks than i care to work out and i just want to talk about the stuff you mentioned for now. if i go off, you'll never get me back lmfaooo.

i think that vincenzo and kinn would get along surprisingly well. on some level, vincenzo would have some respect for kinn's boldness and his tendency to take matters into his own hands while at the same time still trying to operate as a responsible heir to the family. he gives off that same badass energy that vincenzo has too, plus the comedic aspect of being easily caught off guard by extremely simple things (see also: love interests doing ridiculous shit that leaves them flabbergasted).

porsche wouldn't like vincenzo at all. he might fancy him a bit of a badass, but unlike kinn, vincenzo doesn't relax as easily. in canon, vincenzo literally has to be dragged into group settings with everyone before he finally starts to unwind and accept that he's a part of their family. once he does, he's committed to them with his whole heart, but the difference between him and kinn is that kinn has an easier time relaxing even when he should be maintaining an appearance. porsche would not have warmed up to kinn as quickly as he had if not for how chill the guy was, regardless of if there was alcohol or tea involved lmao. but i digress--porsche would probably identify vincenzo as a coldhearted torture machine and be heavily against the operation he's being dragged along with kinn to help out on.

that said, i feel like porsche would be very protective of gaon. he can literally see the same naivete his own brother has in the way gaon views things, as well as the big heart gaon has that reminds him of porchay. if there's drama and second thoughts about how they're going to deal with yohan, it starts because porsche is trying to convince kinn to rethink their plan. if he winds up meeting/learning about elijah some way or another (with how protective yohan is of her, i doubt it), he'll be even more insistent.

and considering kinn is very aware of porsche's feelings about things (the torture scene in ep 3), he would begrudgingly give it some thought. on that same note, i feel like kinn would have some level of respect and admiration for yohan. depending on how deep in the tdj canon we are here and if the live courtroom is still a thing, i feel like kinn would appreciate and respect many of the verdicts yohan has come to in those cases. on top of that, yohan is a man who gets shit done, which is a trait kinn respects about vincenzo too.

on top of that, whether you headcanon yohan bisexual or gay, kinn would appreciate the representation. he seems to have a decently strong gaydar lol.

that said, i do agree with you that there would be some envy from both sides of those ships about the other. gaon and yohan are so very strongly emotionally invested in one another but so busy with what's going on during the course of the drama to actually do anything about it. it's obvious that you could cut the tension with a knife, but who has time for that right??? and kinn and porsche on the other hand have no issue getting handsy, close, talking intimately with one another. however, there are barriers keeping them from getting too emotional about it, and it makes perfect sense that they'd want a little of both worlds. it gets me in my feelings tbh.

and then there's vincenzo lmfao: the poor dude was just trying to do his job when these other people and all their feelings and attachments started happening, and depending on if any of the canon vincenzo storyline has happened, he might be forced to reevaluate things himself because now he too has attachments.

i know for sure he doesn't like porsche. they're probably at each other's throats constantly. and by that, i mean porsche says a little too much and gets incapacitated and kinn has to drag his unconscious ass out of the room and explain to him why he should stop risking his balls to argue with a member of the cassano family.

we already touched up on his opinion on kinn, but i also feel like vincenzo would have some level of respect for yohan. they wouldn't get along because yohan would probably already know he was a target and he simply doesn't trust like that, and vincenzo evaluates him as a target and keeps him at arms' length because he also knows yohan isn't just any old bullseye. there would be a mutual understanding that they're both businessmen and have work to do, but they wouldn't ever cross that line and allow much in the vein of friendship.

especially considering vincenzo likely can't stand gaon. gaon is a liability to yohan, and vincenzo can't for the life of him understand why yohan would keep him around with how reckless his emotions are. unless, of course, he's already gotten feelings for chayoung/hanseo (you decide lmfao) and not unlike kinn, understands the way yohan looks at gaon.

i definitely think that vincenzo would feel like he has his work cut out for him, but i also know they ain't leaving with a dead kang yohan as per their mission. if anything, kinn and porsche would have a greater understanding of what an emotional bond looks like through gaon and yohan and kinn and porsche would have done the drama equivalent of the "now KISS" meme to try and get them to just fuck about it already. while vincenzo tries to figure out what they're going to do about their failed mission when they get home or how they can make it look like they didn't fail.

but let's not talk like he doesn't get something out of all of this either. kinn, porsche, yohan, and gaon all have their redeeming and their frustrating qualities, but they all also have something to offer in terms of learning. vincenzo probably picks up a great deal of experience from the lot of them. as well as an appreciation for just how normal the plaza crew is compared to them lmfao.

i had fun with this. it still turned into a novel, whoops...

#the devil judge #kinnporsche #vincenzo #gahan #kinn x porsche

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

A story about hope and trust - Part 2

Welcome to the second part of the scenes that were most striking for me in episode 7 when it comes to the relationship between Kinn and Porsche.

We don't know much about the relationship between Kinn and Tawan, and yet more than Porsche. He got the introduction to Kinn's story from, of all people, the most trustworthy person ever - Vegas. So Porsche now knows that Kinn shot his ex-partner because he could no longer trust him and thought he was a mole. Even without previews of the next episode and unintentional book spoilers, I wouldn't trust Vegas an inch over.

I also think Vegas had something to do with Kinn's last relationship. "He wants everything that belongs to me."  There’s Kinn’s experience speaking from the words, experience with personal involvement that goes beyond just being a mafia executive.

Vegas is a red rag for Kinn, not only because there is this permanent competition between the two families, but also because Vegas constantly provokes him. Vegas knows Kinn, he has studied him, recognises every little nuance of change. Not only Korn can read Kinn, Vegas has also become a pro at it. What his goals are? Who knows, maybe he wants power himself, maybe he wants to get back at Kinn, maybe he just wants to destroy him because he likes it. The fact that Vegas knows Kinn perfectly well is something Kinn is well aware of. And at this point he should have let Porsche in on it. Telling him over and over again not to bother with the Minor Family and to watch out for them doesn't help. It doesn't make Porsche realise how much danger he's in simply because he's important to Kinn.

But Kinn is not ready for that. He wishes to trust Porsche. Remember the scene in the crevice after Kinn apologises to Porsche, he says there should be no more doubt between them. It's a promise he couldn't keep. He is still too attached to the betrayal that happened to him. He can't quite open his heart yet. He would have to reveal himself to Porsche, expose his fears and his transgressions, offer him his throat, so to speak. Trust takes time, especially when you have lost it through trauma. It means work and to assume that just because you have spent a few days in the forest and are on cloud nine will be enough to heal all wounds is naïve. In a world where you have to earn everything, where you always have to fight for your position and your life, where anyone can betray anyone and you can never really be sure, trust also has to be earned. Kinn cannot yet trust Porsche the way he wants to. Kinn is constantly reminded that Tawan betrayed and weakened him. The two strongest male figures in his life keep alluding to this. His father, who uses Tawan to keep Kinn obedient, and his enemy Vegas, who uses the memory to watch Kinn suffer.  

The only ones who do not use Tawan to influence Kinn negatively are his friends. Te advises him, "Don't replace someone with another one." Porsche is not Tawan. Te tries to tell him that whatever happened with Tawan doesn't mean it will happen again with Porsche and that he should give Porsche a chance, give himself a chance to be happy again. When making decisions, one likes to go by the opinion or voice that speaks most like one's heart. And Kinn is in love, he wants Porsche to work out, and then he finds out from Pete that Vegas is making a move on Porsche...

Pete sees the two of them talking, in fact holding hands, even though it's Vegas who pulls Porsche away. And then the contact with Pete breaks off. The spiral of thoughts begins. Kinn is jealous, possessive. What does a hothead do in a situation like this? He crashes the party. Especially when it comes to Porsche, which has fallen into the hands of Vegas. Vegas is the red rag for Kinn, the person he wouldn't trust with anyone.

In the bathroom we see Vegas forcing himself on Porsche. I do think Porsche was drunk. But I also think he sobered up abruptly when he realised the threat. I know this from my own experience. When the adrenaline kicks in, you sober up quickly. Porsche has become a little wary as a result of his last conversation with Vegas, but not yet so much that he could have taken his perceived good nature in offering to help him take off his T-shirt as a first step in the wrong direction. But he is uncomfortable, you can see it in his look.

When Vegas wants to have his way with him, he tries to push him away, to twist out of the embrace and protect his face. Even though there is a certain attraction coming from Vegas, Porsche is not ready to betray Kinn. Vegas' attraction to Porsche does not necessarily derive from a sexual one. Rather, his nature is attractive to Porsche. Vegas is caring, friendly and easy-going towards him. Exactly what Porsche is attracted to. He liked the Kinn in the forest, found him cute, his easy-going manner and the possibility of seeing him as a friend. He doesn't like the mafia boss Kinn that much. Every time Kinn plays the cool boss to him, Porsche's expression darkens. But that kind of attraction doesn't mean Porsche would willingly give Vegas what belongs only to Kinn. He knows, for Kinn, kisses are something he shares only with his partner, for whom he has feelings that go beyond the sexual. His kisses belong to Kinn as Kinn's belong to him.

Kinn enters the bathroom in this situation. His entrance is accentuated by the yellowish image. Just as sunbeams can break through clouds, Kinn bursts into this scene, powerful and forceful. And here the colour choice of the scene is chef's kiss. Yellow stands for power and prosperity. For strength and the sun. For warmth, but also for malice. The malice in which Vegas is immersed in the sexual assault on Porsche.

The raging jealousy that Kinn feels envelops him in an all-encompassing green in the scene where he turns the gun on Vegas. Green, the colour of jealousy and poison. Jealousy poisons the mind. Vegas kept pouring droplets of this poison into him. At the hospital, when he brought Porsche the flowers, when he tried to poach Porsche as his bodyguard, when he pretended to Porsche and the rest of the bodyguards that he was the good Samaritan among the mafia bosses. How far Vegas knew he was being watched by Pete and Arm and how far he thougt they would report back to Kinn is hard to say, but I fully believe that he expected Kinn to catch them. But not so quickly. He underestimated Kinn and his feelings for Porsche. He shouldn't have come until Porsche was getting nauseous under his hands and it would have destroyed Kinn to see it.

After Kinn and Porsche are finally alone, an interesting dynamic develops. Kinn leans over Porsche, making himself bigger, gaining control of the scene and of Porsche. And Porsche smiles at him. He is happy to see Kinn. He is happy that Kinn has saved him, that he has rushed to him like the knight in his fucking shirts with the top buttons missing to free him from the clutches of Vegas. And in the same way he flirts with the gaze, is eager and open to see what happens next. And is startled by the direction in which the situation drifts.

"What the fuck were you doing?" The sentence that brings Porsche back to reality. He tears his eyes open, looks at Kinn in disbelief, searches with his eyes for the possibility that he didn't mean what Kinn had just thrown in his face. But then comes the slap and the repetition of the reproach. Kinn is transported back to his past, seeing only the treason, the betrayal of his partner. Something that the colour green also stands for. Unfaithfulness, the poisoning of trust.

But how could Kinn do otherwise? He is programmed to expect the worst from everyone, to see betrayal everywhere. Of course Porsche had to get involved with Vegas. Why should Porsche be the exception? So far, everyone has betrayed him. Kinn can't see the big picture. He can't see past his blind jealousy.

Porsche doesn't put up with it anymore, pushes Kinn away, slaps him hard and looks so hurt. He knows physical pain can't hurt Kinn that much, it's too far from his heart. So Porsche reaches for another weapon. He expresses how much Kinn has hurt him, how much the lack of trust hurts him. With tears in his eyes, he spits at Kinn: "I shouldn't have loved a crappy guy like you". And here two things happen at once. On the one hand, Porsche tells Kinn how he feels about him, that he loves him and thus gives Kinn the security he needs so much, and at the same time he withdraws this affection/security from him again. And that's when it clicks with Kinn. Porsche is just as vulnerable as he is. He is just as trapped in this situation as Kinn. And when Porsche wants to escape the situation, Kinn can't let him go, because then he wouldn't have a chance to prove himself worthy of Porsche's love.

So he holds him back, presses him against the mirror, but not to dominate him, but to calm the situation. He barely holds him, puts his arms against the mirror, gives Porsche the option to leave the situation at any time and if Porsche had left, Kinn would have accepted it. The dynamic has changed again.

Porsche in the situation makes himself small, protects himself, not knowing what exactly is coming next. Will Kinn cross the line again, just as Vegas, or Kinn himself a few weeks earlier? But he chooses to trust Kinn, so he waits. And Kinn sees his old self there in the mirror, the self he doesn't want to go back to. He wants this new beginning with Porsche. He remembers the promise that no doubts should lie between them and Pete's words that Porsche is sensitive and that he should approach him with calm and patience. Kinn gives them both time, recognising the fragility of the situation. If he goes the wrong way, he loses Porsche and his new self. And here is the place where it all happens so strikingly. A bathroom. Vegas could have taken Porsche to his place, dropped him into a cosy bed, but he didn't. The place is the bathroom, the most intimate of all rooms. The place where you get naked and are at your most vulnerable. The place where one is unprotected. The possible future of Kinn and Porsche is as vulnerable as we get to see the unprotected emotions on both of their faces.

Kinn chooses the right path. Before he gets any closer to Porsche physically, he apologises, recognises the mistake he made, acknowledges that it wasn't Porsche's fault and that he reacted wrongly. He gives Porsche even more space, leaves the next steps to him. Porsche doesn't leave, instead turns and looks at Kinn. Tells him that he doesn't intend to run away from the situation, that they are in it together, but also that he is hurt.

Kinn leans forward, kisses him not on the mouth but on the chest, literally bows to Porsche, thanks him for his trust and thereby underlines his apology.

And after they kiss, he lets Porsche grab his throat, finally making himself vulnerable to him, willingly, handing him back the control he didn't have the first time, nor with Vegas a few minutes ago. I don't mean D/s control, but simply control over his own sensations, his own emotions his own fucking will. And Kinn nods at him, explains that it's ok, that he's safe, but also asks if he can move on. D/s does not mean that the Dom pounces on the sub in every situation and just takes what he wants. It is a very delicate structure built on trust (just as any functioning relationship should). Both have to trust each other so that neither crosses a boundary of the other. It could have been that Porsche didn't want to go any further, that the past few minutes were too much for him, that he might be distraught and not want to have sex. And that would have been fine and understandable, and that's why it's so important for Kinn to ask, to reassure himself. To get the willingly consent Porsche couldn’t give last time.

And Porsche's response is so wonderful and tender. He embraces Kinn's face with his hands and pulls him into a kiss. Such an intimate gesture. He is telling Kinn that it is all right, that Kinn is safe too. Porsche is not going anywhere, he is as much in this relationship as Kinn. He chooses Kinn, he trusts Kinn.

And where just a moment ago there was sadness and pain in their eyes, now pure euphoria enters. Kinn is beaming from ear to ear, absolutely ecstatic that his love is reciprocated. Bliss is the word that describes it best for me. And in the end, Kinn didn't lose Porsche, he was able to take this step together with Porsche, to build a new foundation for their relationship. That's what green also stands for. As yellow-green for the new beginning and rebirth and as the sole colour for the balance of head and heart, and for hope and trust. Kinn has opened his heart to Porsche, left his old self behind in the mirror, and made love to Porsche with hope for a different future in which he finally allows himself to trust. Overwhelmed by the many emotions he can now finally allow himself, Kinn cries and Porsche pulls him close, holds him tightly in his arms, gives him the security and safety that Kinn needs as much as Porsche needs it himself.

And now, overwhelmed by all the emotions that this scene triggers in me, I go have a quick cry myself, think about how Kinn grabs Porsche’s neck in the last gif and hope that the two of them will be a team from now on.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #meta #just my thoughts #tw sa #apo nattawin #mile phakphum

[pandasized-crevice]

MY FRESH JUST WATCHED KINNPORSHE EP7 THOUGHTS

LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO

OH WE STARTING IN THE CASNIO?!

PETE PORSCHE MY LOVE

.....and big is also there....

UN GRENADE EXCUSE ME

NOO PETE THROW IT AWAY

RUN FOOLS RUN

..........was it fake????A FAKE

VEGAS LITERAL RED FLAG IS HERE

hehe take care kinn says

OOOH THIS IS WHY VEGAS IS COVERED IN BLOOD

oh kinn is in the meeting just online

vegas dad shut the fuck up

OOOOOH VEGAS ASKS FOR HIM I SEE

iconic porsche "huh?" count: a million

WE GET

WE GETtING VUNRERABLE IN THE ROOM TODAY

give me a hug stop thats cute YALL SEE THEM

sorry vegas i brought my boys with me you can't get porsche alone HOE

I KNEW WE'D GET THEM AT THIS PLACE I KNEW IT

arm & pete please stay focused my loves

sus these hoes sus

bby pete

ARM PLEASE NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR FOOD

oh the whole place is the minor families house!

man porsche's hair is all messed up cuz the wind play clown music

macau hi bby

not pete & arm gossiping right there...

got a staring problem buddy?fuck off my boy pete

PORCHAY!!!!!!

kim's going to be right outside isn't he.....yup

nah this is kims way of getting more info about porsche YOU SNEAK

OOP korns noticed kinns changed since the forest....

oh shit besties

tf is this apple metaphor korn

oh fuck you korn "come back to your old self?" KINN DOSEN'T WANNA BE LIKE THAT

porsche please you always doing shit you're not supposed too...

hmmmm......macau saying sorry?figures vegas asked him to

actually yk what macau dosen't seem so bad,he is now my baby

chay not you blaming porsche for the mess smh

chay & porsche going "huh?" is my new fav thing

FREEFALL HAPPY INSTRUMENTAL

kimlock holmes about to start snooping

CHAY MY ANGEL HES SO HAPPY

whats in that room chay???

DAMN i didn't realize how big their house is

they are so cute pls

NOW KIMS GOING TO SNOOP

chays room??

NOO NOT THE BL SHRINE TO THE CRUSH

love song kim STOP YK THAT BOY HAS A CRUSH ON YOU

chay is so fucking precious

pete you snitch

jealous kinn come through

MAN VEGAS ALWAYS APPEARING

OOP WE GETTING THE EX TEA

VEGAS YOU FUCKING LIAR YALL SEE THAT EVIL LOOK

TAY!!!!!!HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL

SHUT THE FUCK UP TIME

tell him tay!

pete the hell you doing

PISSING MY PANTS PETE YOU NEED TO BE MORE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS

kinn tf YOU doing here?!

kinn giving porsche his lucky gun? sounds like a marriage proposal

AHHHHHAHAH hehe

wait...

WAIT THIS IS THE SCENE THE SCENE FROM WHY DONT YOU STAY MV AHAH

NKDSKDO KINN PLEASE

HELP ME IM FLATLIING

wait why'd the vibes change

A FOREHEAD KISS MY WEAKNESS

bible the man you are

YUH GET THEM BESTIES

YOOOOO LOOK AT THEM SLAY

ay ay ay none of that now stay in your lane vegas

YESS THE SLAP SCENE BITCHES ITS HAPPENING

PETE STOP WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

oh lord how does vegas know that........

PETE PLEASE YOU'RE STIRING THE POT

green....so much green lighting....DANGER

i swear if vegas drugs porsche again...

nah i think porsche is just drunk

oh porsche fucking it up fr

yall see vegas just watching porsche in the bg??

OH SO THATS WHY PORSCHE IS SHIRTLESS

im going to piss my pants

OH NO FUCK FUCK FUCK

everyone say thank you pete cuz if he wasn't reporting everything to kinn who knows what could've happened

GET HIM KINN GET HIM

yall see how porsche was happy to see kinn till it hits that kinn is mad at him

OH PORSCHE SAID IT

kinn did not just fucking say that......

GET HIM PORSCHE

AY AYOAYO I SHOUD'NT HAVE LOVED A CRAPPY GUY LIKE YOU?! DID THEY TELL EACH OTHER THE L WORD YET

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

yall peep the nod kinn gives porsche?

OH MY GOD

OMH MY ACUTAL GOD I CANT

WHERES THE PREVIEW

oh there it is

OH WHAT SO KINN DID KILL TAWAN?!OR HE THOUGHT SO CUZ APPARETNLY HE'S NOT FUCKING DEAD??

PAUSE kinn looks so cute in that photo

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #thai bl series #thai series #kinnporsche ep7 #kimchay were very cute this ep i love them #we're getting tawan and i am not ready for his bitchass to cause chaos #the bathroom scene? WILD #im ready for the gifs... #i love kinnporsche #cellulars FJWKPT

[mileapokp1677]

Three Steps to Win You (CH 24)

Title: Three Steps to Win You

Rating: M

Pairing: Daddy Chan/Tankhun, Kinn/Porsche, Vegas/Pete

Category: M/M, AU Nerd-Jock

Summary: Accidentally, scientist Tankhun Theerapanyakul embarrassed footballer Captain Chan "Daddy" Knight in front of his coach, teammates and fans. He had to fulfill three tasks from the captain before his apology was accepted.

Chapter 24

(Tankhun POV)

Sunday Morning -- Theerapanyakul Residence

Tankhun's mood the next morning was not very good. He couldn't sleep well last night, for his mind seemed to refuse to break away from the incident that happened at dinner. And as a result, he felt tired and not refreshed at all.

Last night, after Chan's unexpected outburst of emotion towards Peter -- a man who was allegedly an official from the Football Federation, who was also Anna's date at yesterday's game -- the atmosphere of their dinner was not exactly pleasant. Tankhun decided to guard his mouth, only answering Chan as little as possible, because he didn't want to say the wrong thing, while Chan was trying so damn hard to fix the situation. He talked about many things except the things that Tankhun really wanted to know.

Who is Peter? Why are your emotions so explosive when I mentioned him? Is it because he's Anna's date? If so, does that mean you haven't moved on from Anna? And if that's the case, what's the point of involving me in this fake dating? Is this some kind of sick game between the two of you?

Tankhun, frankly, began to question his decision to help Chan, whether said man really deserved all his effort, not to mention all the guilt he felt toward his family and close friend, even the BSFC boys, due to their fake dating; but Porsche and Kinn seemed pretty adamant about the Captain's character as a good and honorable man. Especially Porsche, who has known Chan since he was a teenager. If you think about it logically, Porsche couldn't possibly not know anything about Anna, and Tankhun needed to know the truth about her desperately. Because, whether he liked it or not, he had to admit that this affair was no longer just about fake dating. Not when his own feelings were already involved, deeply, like this; something that Tankhun never thought would happen. Yet, it happened and Tankhun was 100 % aware that he couldn't deny it any longer.

Damn it!

Maybe it sounded ridiculous, but indeed, it was the whole truth. Tankhun Theerapanyakun had never been in love. It was an undeniable truth that he was attracted to lots of people, chased and got chased by many; had fun with them until he got bored (hence he occasionally stuck with the same person for 3 months tops) and left when he found someone else who caught his interest more. And throughout his dating experience, ever since he was a teenager until recently, Tankhun had never felt hurt by someone (he couldn't speak for the other side though), let alone jealous of somebody. Last night, he felt both feelings at the same time, and that, shaking his world entirely.

But, of all the people in his life, why should it be Chan? Their relationship started from chaos, popped up out of nowhere, causing Tankhun to be blindsided by the surge of feeling that came from it; and if those weren't bad enough, the last thing Tankhun wanted was to be with someone, whose past love affairs were still hanging over his head. It was too much trouble for Tankhun, because he himself still didn't know how to act. Tankhun had zero experience of being vulnerable in front of someone that he didn't trust 100%.

He knew everything he needed to know about conquering someone that he desired, but trying to get together with someone that he... umn... likes? (saying love seems way too fast... right? Right!?), this was Tankhun's very first encounter. And even though Tankhun had never experienced it himself, but, from what he saw from Pa and Ma, and also Kinn and Porsche, Tankhun knew the difference between a relationship based on lust and one based on love. So, once again he asked his heart and his head, why did it have to be Chan, whose past was complicated? Why couldn't he fall to someone else, someone with no excess baggage, so everything was so much simpler?

Out of the blue, all the quotes about 'you don't get to choose who you fall in love with' in every variation, which Tankhun always mocked, slapped him hard.

This is madness!

******

(Tankhun POV)

Sunday Evening -- the Moonlight

Tankhun never doubted Porsche's love for him. He was damn sure that Porsche loved him as much as he loved his younger brother, Porchay, who was currently studying in Sydney, and his Ma, who accompanied Porchay there. Tankhun was not clear on why Porsche's Ma chose to stay abroad, but Porsche once said to him that it was the best thing for her. Moreover, he was pretty sure Porsche felt less worried that Porchay was not living alone in Australia. When it came to protecting their younger siblings and parents, Tankhun and Porsche didn't differ much.

But tonight, as soon as Porsche saw Tankhun appear in the Moonlight, he felt the smile on his brother-in-law's face was... a bit forced? It didn't reach his eyes. Hmm, maybe he was being too sensitive due to recent events (read: Chan). That was the only reason that came into his mind and oh maybe one other thing... Tankhun had become paranoid.

Fuck!

He needed to confirm one thing first though.

"Hi, Sweetie, is Kinn here?"

Did Porsche just swear under his breath? What did he mean by 'not again'?

"Did you just swear?" Tankhun asked Porsche for confirmation.

"No, P', what do you mean?" Porsche quickly responded. "I haven't even returned your greeting yet... so Hi~ P'."

Tankhun could have argued and prolonged the matter, but he realized the chances of him hearing wrong were very high, and frankly, he didn't have the energy to argue (what have you done with yourself, Tankhun Theerapanyakul?) His main purpose to come here was to get some information from Porsche, so he decided to just ignore it and asked Porsche about his younger brother's whereabouts one more time.

"So, is he here?"

"No, P', Kinn is not here. He'll come later, maybe in an hour or two," answered Porsche.

Tankhun heaved a sigh of relief.

"P' want to talk to me about the fake dating, I take it?"

Porsche didn't mince his words and Tankhun took his time to answer. Could fake dating be still considered as one, when one of the participant's feelings got involved for real? His damn pride encouraged him to lie, but who else could he trust on this matter if not his own family. He was 100% sure Porsche would not take advantage of his vulnerability.

"P'?" asked Porsche again, gently this time. "Hey, P', are you okay?"

Porsche looked worried now, so Tankhun decided to just come clean with him.

"I... I don't think I can say it's fake dating anymore," stated Tankhun, in a low voice. "Not if I have real feelings for him, right?"

Porsche was stunned for a moment, before confirming, "If?"

Tankhun closed his eyes, both of his hands clenched.

"I think I have it for real, Porsche," affirmed Tankhun, who seconds later shot his brother-in-law with a series of questions at a high speed, without breaking, "What, do you think there's a possibility that I just got carried away with the situation? You know I've had no experience in these things, right, Porsche? So, please, tell me, what do you think about it? How did you actually know and be sure that you liked Kinn back then?"

Instead of answering, Porsche put a glass of ice water in front of him with a smile, this time the smile really reached his beautiful dark eyes.

"Take a deep breath, P'," asked Porsche as he pushed the glass of water even closer to Tankhun.

Tankhun followed Porsche's request and took a sip of the ice water.

"If I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't have believed that Tankhun Theerapanyakul, my super fabulous P', could be so insecure like this," said Porsche with a tone of voice that filled with disbelief. "This isn't the real you, P'."

"Tell me about it!" shouted Tankhun, frustrated. "I hate seeing myself like this."

"I don't. I think you look so adorable like this."

"Shut up!" shouted Tankhun again. "I was never adorable, or cute, or whatever. I have always been fierce and hard as nails, but god has mercy, I want to look endearing in his eyes."

Tankhun couldn't believe he just said that to Porsche. His face felt super hot, he was so embarrassed; and just like a kid, he then lowered his head to hide his face behind his folded hands on the bar counter.

"Fuck, just kill me already, Porsche!" begged him, dramatically.

"P', come on, there's no need to be embarrassed," said Porsche. "When love comes, it comes, and nothing can hold it back. You should enjoy and savor it."

Tankhun slowly raised his head to look at the Porsche and said, "Pa also said the same thing."

"See?" said Porsche excitedly. "There were times when I lost confidence too, for Kinn back then, I swear to God, thinking that ledger was so much more desirable than me, until I took matters into my own hands."

Tankhun couldn't help but burst out laughing. Kinn, the workaholic, was truly a piece of work.

"What did you do?"

"The next time he came into the Moonlight to check the ledger, I told him to go straight up to my loft," Porsche replied, as he pointed upwards, where the spacious loft was located, which was where Porsche and Kinn lived now, after they got married. "I, of course, had been waiting for him there with the ledger in hand, and only wearing a small towel around my waist."

"You slut!" shouted Tankhun affectionately, chuckled like crazy.

"I got my man though," Porsche said curtly, in a triumphant voice.

"Aren't you worried that your plan won't work then?" asked Tankhun. "It could backfire very easily."

"Of course there were doubts, P'," replied Porsche, "But by then, I was already head over heels for Kinn, and in my head the only thought that existed was, I love this man and I will do my best to get him."

Tankhun was just quiet, because he didn't have any idea what to say.

"P', correct me if I'm wrong, but as long as I've been your brother-in-law, over the past two years, I've never seen you fail to get the person you're after. Am I right?" asked Porsche.

"You're absolutely right, but then I never have to risk my own heart, Porsche," Tankhun replied. "I'm a horrible person, aren't I?"

"No, you are not, and I'm not going to insult your intelligence by lying and saying love is risk-free, because that's simply not true. However, P', therein lies the thrill, the charm, and the beauty of love itself."

Tankhun's face must have been so full of confusion at that moment, and he was pretty sure that was the main reason for Porsche to grab his right hand and squeeze it gently.

"You need to experience it for yourself, P'. Then you'll understand, I promise you."

Tankhun nodded his head and squeezed back Porsche's hand.

"Porsche? Don't tell anyone about this, okay? Not even Kinn, or god forbid, Chan!" pleaded Tankhun. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to tell you all this."

"P', don't worry, okay?" said Porsche, reassuring Tankhun. "I won't break your trust. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone about this, especially P'Chan."

"Thank you, sweetie."

"Now, can you please tell me, what do you want to know about him?" asked Porsche bluntly. "I'll answer them if I can, without breaking P'Chan's trust in me, of course. P' can understand that, right?"

At first Tankhun wanted to argue, but what's the point of pretending he didn't come here for some information now? Porsche already knew about his deepest secret anyway, so he nodded his head. 

"The thing I want to know the most is not exactly about Chan, but his ex, Anna."

"Anna?" asked Porsche in a surprised tone. "What about her? Their relationship ended 10 months ago, very badly, if I may add."

10 months? Hm, it's been quite a while, but why is Chan still so emotional?

"Are you sure?" asked Tankhun. "I got another impression about it when I had dinner with Chan last night."

"What do you mean, P'?"

"I don't think Chan has moved on from his ex."

"No~~ that's absolutely impossible," Porsche replied firmly. "P'Chan really hates that woman, and I don't blame P'Chan at all for it. She's a nightmare, P'!"

"Can you tell me what you can about her?"

"In short, she never cared or loved P'Chan. I think she was with him only for money and fame. They started dating when P'Chan was still the Captain of the national team. And she was having an affair with one of P'Chan's friends."

What the Hell?

"Huh? You mean with another footballer?" asked Tankhun, who was genuinely shocked.

"No, P', with an official from the Football Federation."

Peter! No wonder Chan was so furious last night!

"So, you see, P', there's absolutely no way that P'Chan still has feelings for that evil woman, trust me," insisted Porsche. He looked 100% convinced on that matter, Tankhun actually wished that he could have Porsche's conviction.

Still, Chan shouldn't have been that angry with Peter either, if indeed he didn't have any feelings left for Anna, right? Another surge of doubts attacked Tankhun's mind like mad, not gonna lie, he felt like he was back in square one. At the moment, Tankhun was so frustrated with himself, he wanted to scream on top of his lungs. If only he could...

FUCK!!!

TBC

This is a tough chapter to write, I don’t think I’m good at writing about feelings, and since I can't hide behind humor, it's the best that I can do. (><) Hopefully not too disappointing. Regarding Tankhun's feeling, who fell in love for the first time in this AU, I wrote it based on my personal experience. I, an outspoken person, have indeed become that naive and insecure in front of my crush *covers my face with both hands*

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