#I love me a good swing sesh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loserlvrss · 4 months

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꒰ 𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐄 ꒱ 최승철 & 최한설

summary : you'd gone on a couple of dates between your schedule of running a cafe, complications emerging when two of your closest flings admit their love and leave you confused

genre : fluff, angst, cafe-owner!reader, artist!vernon, surgeon!scoups, bestfriend!dino, bestfriend!seungkwan, love-triangle, comedy, multi x afab!reader tws : language, suggestive content, emetophobia, reader is very insecure, anxiety, mentions of sex author notes : for @mintchocosan. i sincerely hope it's what you were looking for. i'm so down bad for these two men, istg it was so difficult to decide. thank you so much for requesting! i'm so so so sorry it took too fucking long :c forgive me & thank u for being understanding, happy holidays & new years. word count : 9.2k

“chan,” you turned, watching as the dark-haired man began to audaciously ignore you, a smile to his face, “can you help the customer, please?”

at that moment, another employee came from the back, swinging the door dramatically against its hinges and sighing out. he passed chan on the way, smacking the back of his head and walking to the register. chan yelped in protest — his eyes shooting everything that wasn’t suitable for the friendly atmosphere of your café at him in retaliation.

the man proceeded to take the order, the customer stifling a laugh at the antics of your best — and basically only — friends.

he joined the two of you with a slip of paper, handing it off to you and leaning against the counter. he sighed over-dramatically again, earning another side-eye from chan. “y/n, why must you hire such incompetent people? you should take it out of his paycheck, or something — give me a bonus for being so good to your café.”

you chuckled, pouring the heated milk into the drink you were making, “seungkwan… play nice.”

chan scoffed, “yeah, seungkwan, play nice.”

“you both make the day go by a little faster,” seungkwan boasted silently, chan doing the same at your side as he put a lid on the cup you had just passed. “don’t let it get to your big heads, though.”

“chan does have a big head! in fact, if it got any larger we might have to order a custom hat for his bad hair — correction, normal hair days.”

chan's gaze deepened on the older of the pair, you laughed and took the finished product from the younger, handing it to the waiting customer. they thanked you and walked off; probably to join the bustling streets on their way into work — like you've been at since 4am.

now that the only customer's were the ones getting a morning study-sesh in. chan jumped at seungkwan, miming a kick you'd see in action movies from time-to-time; when you'd have time to indulge in self-care and actually watch one.

you watched the pair play-fight for a minute before your phone pinged in the front pocket of your tan-colored apron. your hand reached in and pulled it out, looking at the lit up lock screen of linked hands. you read the notification, barely registering that it happened to be outside of your head.

"yeah," seungkwan took the phone from your hand, your attempt to get it back in vain when he held it above his head, "we should be free for lunch, but why are you asking y/n? we all eat together anyways."

chan hummed, pressing his lower back into the countertop and crossing his arms, 'i'm actually not sure if i will be. i've been seeing this doctor recently, his schedule is so hectic that i drop everything for him when he texts me — " another ping rang out, cutting him off briefly, "ah! that must be him right now!"

seungkwan moved excitedly, reading the text aloud for the whole of the place to hear, "i just had a really stressful night and i just want to see your face, let me know if you can meet." his mouth dropped open, "he even put a heart! chan, look at this!"

"stop!" you whined, chan lifting from his relaxed position and holding you back effortlessly. he nodded for the older to go on with typing — seemingly from his facial expressions — a well thought-out reply.

"guys, i'm so busy. don't say yes right now. seungkwan, you'll have no fingers if you continue to type — oh my god, i'm going to fire you both. we won't be friends anymore, seungkwan, chan, stop it right now — i’m serious."

seungkwan handed the phone back casually, obviously ignoring your lifeless threats. "great, i'll see you later at your place... don't forget to wrap it up. but he’s a doctor, he should know the risks."

you shot them a serious glance, that soon morphed into a pleading one. "guys, i have a meeting, which i was trying to tell you — "

"we know. we said you'd meet afterwards. anyways, the painter is coming soon. as in, this morning. y/n, we're not stupid. and besides, who fucks during the day?”

chan threw his hand up, “well, i'm not stupid — you, however, could've fooled me.”

“yeah? well, you don’t fuck at all, you’ve never even gotten your dick w — “

chan lunged at him, pulling his fist back and only pulsing it in seungkwan’s direction. then, they broke out into another verbal fight; your cue to leave them and go back to your office.

you took a shaky breath as you walked the brightly lit hallway. you knew your friends were right and everything would work out smoothly, they knew about your meeting and truthfully just wanted what was best for you. they wanted you to get out of your shell, yet still, the act itself annoyed you. it almost made you feel belittled, like you had no control over your love-life — at least, no better than they did.

once you took a seat behind your organized desk, you grumbled and hung your head to the cool wood. honestly, the pressure against your skull was soothing the tension inside you, and ultimately relaxing your shoulders.

you weren't easy to stress-out, or frankly upset, but right now you felt a little lost though the path was clear and brightly lit. you could see the end, yet the thing — person — wasn't in focus. you couldn't tell if it was you or someone entirely different; especially since you've seen a lot of people throughout your twenty-seven years on earth.

if you were honest with yourself, you’d know you've been feeling like (for a while now) that something was missing. if you went back a couple of years and saw that happy face of yours opening the doors to your dream café, you'd be disappointed to have her looking back at you. you loved your job, and the regulars made it worth it, chan and seungkwan, who have been at your side since practically the beginning, made it worth it. you weren't financially going under, and you were far from running out of people to serve, you just couldn't pin-point the empty feeling inside your chest that kept you up at night.

actually, you didn't even know why this was all bubbling up now. in the past, you had it harder — especially during the pandemic when you had to close for all those months, putting yourself and, ultimately, your bestfriend’s at risk of being homeless. but, there must’ve been something about the soggy blanket over the sky this morning that made you feel lethargic.

then, came a soft knock on the door to your office. you let out a gentle conformation to come in, expecting to see chan or seungkwan telling you that they were going on break despite only working two hours to your almost eight. you almost non-verbally waved them off, until you saw the contempt — almost radiantly so — expression painting the other half of your meeting’s face. he smiled, barely showing his teeth in the process, and shielding you two behind the closed door.

you returned a slight smile, and he cocked his head, standing in the middle of the room and watching as you raised from your seated position. you circled from behind your desk and wrapped your arms around him. his scent took over your nose: the synthetic, yet comforting smell of paint that mixed with a floral aroma he tried to cover it up with.

“hey,” he said, barely over a whisper, “are you okay?”

you nodded into his neck, genuinely feeling a sense of clarity through the fog in his arms.

“i think… i’m just tired.” you replied honestly, finally breaking from his embrace, “i’ve been here since four and seungkwan and chan have been testing each other’s nonexistent patience today more than usual — making a competition about who’s gotten their dicks wet more.” you shuttered with the mental image. “is it a full moon? i feel like it must be. it’s gotta be the only explanation why today just feels off.”

he gave you a gentle look, sparklingly-clear eyes meeting your broody ones. “do you need something? how can i help?”

you shied away, leaning against the cedar of the desk as a blush bloomed across your cheekbones. you almost buckled at the knees from his eagerness to want you to feel better — the genuineness behind his tone.

your arms crossed over your front, “i’ll be okay. nothing a big girl can’t handle.” you tried to joke, “i haven’t cried since elementary school. i can handle a lot, you know.”

he further approached you, taking your hooked arms within his grasp and pulling you into him again. “are you sure?” he asked, and before he gave you a chance to reassure him, he took your breath away, literally, as your lips melted together for the sixth or seventh time (not that you were counting) since you started seeing each other.

his hands found your cheeks as the kiss deepened, yours wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. your heartbeat was crazily-fast despite the relaxed feeling you felt coursing through you. he peppered a few closed mouth kisses as you slowed, pulling off with soft but heavy breaths.

"trust me, i know you can handle a lot." he breathily fanned the lower half of your face, “but, i really wanted to kiss you anyways.”

"oh?" you laughed, "and how did you find that information out?"

he laughed back, "are you flirting with me?"

"i don't know," you gently pressed his lips to yours again, "would you like to find out?"

"i thought we were supposed to be having a meeting about art."

he let you fall back against the cool wood. "i guess we could give it a try..." but there was now a lingering tension that wasn't there before his lips were on yours. you'd been on more than a few dates over the two months you've been — as chan says — putting yourself out there and despite only kissing a couple of times, it seemed he already knew you so goddamn well. “but, no promises i’ll remain professional now that all i can think about is the art we could make while on a canvas.”

he cocked a brow in your direction, “is that the next piece you want?”

“i dunno, it would probably look like a mess.”

he hummed, “nothing that involves you would look like a mess. though it would be funny trying to explain how the piece came about.”

“imagine someone buys it and hangs it in their dinning room.” you pushed yourself onto the surface of the desk, crossing your legs. “eating while looking at where we had sex — though they’d be none-the-wiser to it.”

he blushed, despite the bold words that left you momentarily speechless, “i could make it happen, you know i’ve got a lot of paint.”

"oh? then you must want to find out exactly how much i can handle."

his hands went up, “you said it first.”

the rest of the meeting went mildly, despite the fact that you kept gawking as you watched his lips move. you swear you were only half-listening, trying your best not to pounce back on him, just so you could feel the security you had prior, to feel heard and understood even though you weren't saying anything. and maybe part of you wanted him to figure out your boundaries and how far you were willing to go for him.

you knew, ever since august 21st that he was a perfect contrast to you. and before this you never really believed that opposites could attract.

the bus bumped as it hit the curb, sending you out of your thoughts and momentarily into the air. you looked outside, the sun past its highest point, the sky a pale milky-blue that you used to say was your favorite as a kid. your day had run longer than anticipated, causing you to reschedule with the surgeon your bestfriends promised you were keen to meet.

it was the end of autumn, basically winter — the first snowfall a couple of days ago. however, it had melted away with the proximate sun, but there was still a frosty chill that nipped the exposed skin of its' passers. you could see the holiday-cheer in the window displays and wreaths that wrapped the street-lamps, though sometimes you went against the grain, especially on off-days like this one.

you rested your temple against the window, your sighed-out breath reaching and fogging the panel slightly. you watched as your stop came into view, and even debated missing it on purpose before you remembered who you — your bestfriend’s — had promised to meet. you could picture the relieved smile that would plaster his face, and ultimately it made you feel at ease to know you could be that for him. so, you got from the seat, making your way to the front and out onto the sidewalk without a stumble.

you’d seen a few people while putting yourself out there, jumping head-first into the sea of boys you could call candidates in the race for your heart. and even though one had a collection of clown dolls, another had a foot fetish, and another was obsessed with old people; which was ironic because you were younger than him. you found not one, but two incredible people through those other tragedies — and neither one, to the best of your knowledge, had any weird fetishes (besides the paint, which you were inclined to like as well).

you’d met the surgeon first, on a dating app of all things. He made it very clear that his schedule was hectic within the first introduction, and you made it clear that yours was flexible, you were your own boss after all. but you went against the masses; you liked being by yourself sometimes. you liked not having someone depend on you. you liked that he was honest and happy for it in return. that he listened attentively and always held the door for you.

you, really, liked that he liked you.

he’d come to your place a couple of times already, the first being after the third date you’d been on. you and the surgeon had gone to a bar, one he seemingly visited quite often from the tenders who greeted him in a friendly manner — and though the thought of him having taken girls there before did cross your mind, you, at the time, had no right to be upset.

it was his off-day from the, metaphorically, never dead hospital and at first you half-expected him to have a strange sense of humor. you thought he’d have no problem talking of pus and blood and shit during inappropriate times. however, after each date concluded, he had proven to you that he was just a man — a very overworked and tired man — but one nonetheless. you also appreciated having someone to talk to about your medical-anxieties; mostly on nights where you’d had a little too much wine and were overthinking, self-diagnosing from google. you knew if he was free he’d come over and tell you that you weren’t dying of an incurable disease, holding you close. otherwise he’d step away (provided, he wasn’t busy tending to a patient) and listen to all your worries over the phone, his voice low and comforting.

if you didn’t know any better you’d believe he was in love with you or something — however, you two weren’t even official, let alone close enough to be in love. and besides, he knew you were still weighing out your options with other men, as he was with other women. that other man being a painter, almost opposite of the man you found yourself blushing over (not that you didn’t blush when faced with the artist, because you really did).

you had met the painter shortly after you’d placed an ad on your social media, and door, which stated that you were in need of someone’s paintings to buy to spruce up your space. you had no short list of things suitable for your café and were convinced that no one would seriously inquire. though, here you were, months later with beautiful paintings of anything your heart desired — which he gladly accepted after each meeting. how you two came to go out was no short of a whim, when he awkwardly, yet boldly, asked if you had any plans for the evening. before that, you had thought he was beautiful but kept it professional because you were paying him to paint for your business. your prior interactions were purely transactional on your end, until he flipped the switch and you finally saw him under a different light.

he was nothing less of a gentlemen during the couple of dates where you went to moderately priced restaurants, or short dusk walks around the block. he even took you to his studio where he proceeded to draw a portrait of you like you two were starring in one of those romantic french movies, that you had no time to watch.

you liked him because he spoke his mind, and though his movements were never carefully thought out, you appreciated how his brain worked — you appreciated how he made you feel secure, and the love he had for his craft (though it wasn’t making him as much as the doctor). you liked that he was as simple as you were, never needing or asking for more than he received from you and your hectic business. he looked at you with stars in his eyes and genuinely instilled the feeling of being the only girl in the world.

you liked that he really liked you.

at the end of the day, you felt conflicted, crying over a guilt you didn’t even know why you had — and maybe, you thought, that that was the reason why you felt empty inside; you lacked a love in your life and that’s why you tried so hard to give yourself everything else as a distraction. you were only human, and nature was to crave intimacy — companionship — to feel another person's skin romantically.

you wanted a story-book love and maybe that's why it's taken you so long to even get out into the adult dating scene. you knew you had high-standards, but you've grown up being told to never settle. so why would you start now? maybe, too often, you thought of yourself as the problem, as the person who just couldn't be satisfied no matter how hard someone tried.

the frosty chill sent a shiver over your entire body as you tried to conserve whatever residual heat was left from the enclosure. you were fast-paced while walking the block towards your apartment, keys already in hand and ready to unlock the front gate. it was old-fashioned but somehow it made you feel safer than an electric passcode ever could.

the hinges cried out as you pushed the barrier from your way, trekking the pavement and up the stairs to the fourth floor. yes, you could've taken the elevator, however, the superficial comfort of alone-time was calming you in ways no man ever could.

deep-down, you might’ve wanted the doctor to have been called into work, simply because you weren't sure whether or not you were happy: to be around anyone, to care for anyone, to even be awake right now. and you weren't convinced that the smile you oh-so-adore would change that.

yet, you still couldn't help the twist of your lips when stood next to your door was the puffer-jacket wearing doctor, who to anyone else would look suspicious loitering outside a woman's apartment. his head rested against the plaster of the wall, only becoming level when he heard the familiar clunk of your favorite heeled-boots, which he oddly recognized.

instantly, his back released from the wall and before you had a chance to say something snarky about him waiting for you, he grabbed your bags.

"hi," he whispered out, almost as if your presence was relieving, "sorry for such short notice, i just had a really tough night."

you pressed a gentle kiss to the man's cheek, non-verbally reassuring him that everything was fine. "i'm sorry as well, customers were just spilling in." then, you unlocked the numbered door, stepping in before him. you heard the click of the lock, feeling the presence of someone who was far too close, yet not close enough to call your boyfriend. "but tell me about it now," you said, unzipping your shoes. you finished and turned, taking your bags and waiting for him to either speak or take his own shoes off. he looked unsure, "i want to hear about it. do you want something for dinner, i know it's not technically time for it — but we can order or i can see what i have."

"i'm fine with whatever you want... some fried chicken would be really good right now though."

you laughed, hanging your purse on a hook, and organizing the rest of your miscellaneous things. "don't you know the health risks related to too much fried food? and to think i'd come to you for medical advice." you over-exaggerated, "spicy or not?"

his jacket had come off, taking the free hook by your bag. he smiled, grabbing your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips. "both." he replied against you, attacking again with another few fast kisses, barely giving you time to register the prior ones. "and, i'll pay you back."

"you don't have to, spending time with you is payment enough."

"purely transactional," he grabbed your face, soft hands caressing the skin, "a girl after my own heart."

and you don't know if it was the words, or the tone that made you blush deeper than you should have. but either way it had you shying like a middle-school girl talking to her crush.

you hummed, "you caught me. i only use you for consultations. you're my main medical provider — i say that when that question comes up for adulting shit. honestly, i’m like a walking ad, give me some of your cards, i'll hand them out."

"shut up," he smirked, pushing your lower back so your bodies were closer than before.

"i would say make me, but you'd like that too much."

the mood had switched too easily, and now you couldn't help feeling hot and bothered by the hands you just wanted to slip under your shirt or down — you couldn't help your imagination that was running wild within his tight grip, his muscles flexing against you as you anxiously fidgeted.

his voice was low, "if you're going to use me, at least let it be for something else."

"i think you'd like that too much as well." you lightly pushed him away, though it wasn't because you wanted to, it’s because you knew if you started the two of you wouldn't even make it out of the doorway. "if you want food, you better let me order it."

"what if i'm hungry for something else now?"

your hand covered your mouth, face twisting with a mock-disgust, "what are you? a sixteen year old virgin? that was so cringey! what if i'm hungry for someth —"

his lips were pressed to yours in an instant, making do with your offer to be shut up as he cut you off mid-sentence. and as much as you knew he liked it, you did too.

seungcheol pushed you back, hitting the empty wall a little forcefully, but his hand connected with the back of your head before the plaster did.

it was the little things that made your stomach twist. the little acts of service you weren’t accustomed to before meeting. he was everything to you: comfort, strength, yearning.

your lips molded together as if they were made for each other. your hands gripping into the strands at the base of his skull, and pulling gently — just enough to get a sound out of the man. he groped your waist, dragging you impossibly closer to his body. you were breathless and unbearably hot, pulling away with his bottom lip still in between your teeth.

“cheol…” he pushed his head into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin under your ear. you whimpered, but still trudged a sentence out, “we have to stop — n-not in the doorway. have some class.”

but one thing about the surgeon was, he always liked a little bit of a challenge. and he thought you were his best match. also, he knew you were lying just as much as you did.

he trailed his lips over your collarbone, pulling the shirt down to make his path easier. his other hand was pushing up from the bottom, cool skin grazing against your stomach. your chest was rising and falling quickly, head lolling against the wall behind you. he chuckled against your skin, slipping the hand under your shirt and over your bra before palming you.

his lips were now against where his hands just grazed, shirt pushed up into the base of your neck. you fought with the noises that unintentionally fell off your tongue. your body was aflame, lit by, no doubt, the likes of him.

your hands threaded his hair, as he popped the button on your jeans. you pushed him back, eyes meeting yours with a questioning look; as if to ask if you wanted him to go on.

and more than half of you did. however, there was a voice from the corner of your mind that demanded you stop, that flashed pictures of commitment, and rings, and hearts across the scene in front of you. a part of you that you only ever wanted to curse.

you actually felt a little nauseous now, heart beating so overwhelmingly fast you could pass out. you wanted to give him whatever he wanted, so you honestly don’t know why you didn’t.

seungcheol would always push himself aside to aid your needs before his own. maybe it was the doctor in him, but he just cared too much to see you uncomfortable — unsure — by his doing. he wanted you, but he’d wait until you were 100% sure as well.

he stood up, letting your shirt fall back down and kissing you less urgently than before.

“let’s order some chicken now, and you can tell me about your day instead.”

“okay…” you breathed out. he fixed your outfit, re-buttoning your jeans and smoothing over your hair. he laughed as he did, taking your phone from your pocket and holding it out for you, before you admitted, “i forgot what we wanted.”

your mind was still a little hazy with the feeling of him still on your skin, you could feel the tingling where his lips once connected. you could smell the intoxicating cologne he used to cover up the sterilization of the hospital.

“i’ll order it.” he said, taking his phone out instead, typing away on an app he already had downloaded. you thought it a little intimate that he knew your address without looking, but you brushed that under the rug — especially because nothing could get more intimate than what was still coursing adrenaline through your veins.

he stole glanced at you, looking with adoration. you couldn’t tell if it was from him liking having such control over your body, or because of something else. and truthfully, you wouldn’t mind it being the latter over the gravity of him having real feelings for you.

you left him to follow you through your apartment and into the open-concept kitchen. he sat on a barstool that was neatly placed by the island, putting his keys on the marble, as well as his phone.

"It estimated 35 minutes."

you nodded, leaning against the countertop across from his sights. "are you going to tell me about work?" you asked, because quite frankly it was easy to tell he was trying to mask his feelings since you got the text this morning. "you said it was a stressful night, wouldn't you rather sleep than even see me?"

"no, actually I wouldn't." that took you by surprise, momentarily making your eyes widen, "and truthfully, I don't sleep much anyways. I have weird shifts so often that I can't acclimate to any sleep-schedule. I probably haven't slept more than 4 hours since grad school."

"damn," you sighed out, walking over to the man. you weren't sure what your intentions were, but it just felt right to comfort him. "that's gotta be tough. I really can't imagine." you threaded your fingers into his hair, and he leaned into the touch.

"it's okay," he sighed out, "we just lost a patient today — one of our cancer ones. we've had her since she was two, since i was a first-year resident. ten tough years, she was so strong, so young. i still can't believe it."

“oh my god, cheol,” you voiced, “that’s awful. i’m so sorry. she’s in a better place now — wherever that may be — i just know it.”

he looked up at you, adoration mixed with sadness. there were stars that met your pupils, and you swear you could make a wish if you wanted to.

“you know,” he started, feeling as your hands dropped around his shoulders, “i don’t know what — i, um, can i tell you something? you don’t have to say anything back.” you hummed a small yes to him, alarms (or maybe bells?) going off inside your head. his hands rested on your arms as he leaned into you, eyes falling closed. you swear he could hear the thump in your chest, and you don’t know if you wanted that to discourage him or encourage him to spew it out faster.

“i think i love you.”

“what.”

you weren’t sure if you were more surprised by the fact that you didn’t jolt away in shock or by what he said next.

“no, i know i love you.” your face was beat red, and he refused to open his eyes for whatever reason, “i know it’s a lot, i’m sorry. we’re not even dating, but i just, i don’t know, i want it to be official — i want you to be my girlfriend.”

for a second, your heart was lit up with fireworks, butterflies swarming your insides. you, for a second, wanted that too. you wanted him to be your boyfriend, but you ultimately were scared of that commitment — hell, you don’t even know why you started to date in the first place if not with this in mind. you knew deep down that you weren’t actually ready to not just have fun without the strings attached.

the cliche was to say that's it's not you, it's me and you all but said it. it felt like he had more pieces of you than you wanted him to — or maybe you did, you weren't fully sure — you feared that that fact would soon start to eat at the depths of your brain, convince you of anything but innocence.

you wanted to be wanted, but you wanted to be loved more than anything. so, why didn't it look good to you? why couldn't you let him be the silver lining you've been waiting for. why couldn't this surgeon be the one to stitch up your heart?

and maybe you knew the answer deep down as you sat alone.

seungcheol had left, after he read you like a picture book. he left you in a state of comatose you didn't think he could — one you didn't think would cut so deep — and you still hoped that he wasn't the one left lost.

part of you didn't want him to search an empty room with the thought of finding you. but the other part wanted to be sat in a dark corner just awaiting his arms around you.

you felt an emptying feeling before it all crashed into the lower depths of your stomach. nausea, as you scrambled to the bathroom with hopes of choking the bile back down before it hit the floor. and you felt like you just barely made it, sitting against the cold tile, knees to your chest and head down on them.

you thought about situations in your past that would've made you deserve to feel a deep despair — one that was currently debilitating — like a half-dug grave with the shovel still in your hand. you felt hopeless. you always knew, at the end of the day, you'd be your own undoing, but you prayed that that day would’ve never come like it has, unfortunately, now.

your chest was tight, your eyes on fire. you thought you were getting better, you thought you were finally healed enough to get back out there. but maybe you only got better at pretending. maybe through opened doors you got better at lying. however, now you can’t tell if the lies get better the more times they’re worn, or if they’re simply just overused.

you thought about the little girl again — the one that would be looking up at you right now — and cried harder because you didn’t want her to realize that she was the only person who ruined everything every time.

maybe you were destined to be alone. maybe your red string wasn't tethered to anyone. it would cut deep, but maybe knowing wouldn't kill you. maybe you could find peace with yourself, watching your bloodline wither away. maybe, at the end of your life, you could look back and not have any regrets because at least you did try.

you felt as if walking on broken glass could hurt less and less the more times you do it — isn't that what getting used to something is all about? truthfully, you didn't know, and weren't sure you actually wanted to, because what's truly worse, being wanted and not loved, or loved and not wanted? it's a question you often asked, but the best manipulation you got was from yourself; no one can hurt you like you can.

you knew every way to pick apart your brain. your insecurities were your bittersweet company. you knew them all by name. where strangers weren't welcome, they walked freely. you hated them, but the ghosts haunting you, pretty lights couldn't cast out.

you felt like the world was moving too fast, and you were being left behind. you wanted to just stand still, if only for a second. a luxury you never got throughout the growing pains. and just as you were getting a taste, you ripped it away from yourself.

you wanted to force yourself to give in to your not-so-hidden desires. you wanted to be loved, and someone who you evidently feel strongly about has admitted just that. in reality, it shouldn't be this hard. you shouldn't be as dramatic as a middle school girl's first breakup.

but still deep down, you felt like it wouldn’t be right to accept him. at least, not without talking to the painter first. you felt like you owed him that much, even if neither men were technically yours — and you them — you still felt guilty for wanting love from someone while also wanting it from someone else.

spoiled for choice or by choice? and the fact that you had to choose was killing you, because you’d had such different, non-comparable times with them that it seemed unfair to try and weigh them both equally.

you know yourself, and right now you know you’d choose the surgeon, but if faced with the artist all that would go out the window. it was circumstantial who you felt closest to, and you hated (and loved) that fact with the entirety of your being.

maybe that’s why you felt eaten alive — diving head first into the lion's den, with only the wish to be paralyzed by the fall. maybe, you thought, if you couldn’t feel anything it would all magically become easier. but, you were an adult, with supposed adult-feelings. you were supposed to be able to maturely take on battles, and resolve them with your dignity still intact. however, you felt anything but strong right now.

your fingers grasped for your phone, and you looked at the illuminated time — seungkwan and chan would still be cleaning your store, and right now you felt like you needed your bestfriends to clear your head before it consumed you.

you got off the floor with much fight, your knees weak and spine anything but straight. you felt heavy, and you weren’t sure if it was the guilt or if you just had never noticed before. either way, you trekked on, memories of the last hour flashing through your head like a badly timed slideshow. you ended up sat at the front door, fighting with the zipper on your shoes. you went to grab your purse when you realized that a — as much familiar as unfamiliar — garment was hanging on the hook next to it; the surgeons, right where he left it before his hands roamed your body for what felt like all the time in the world, but not enough.

“fuck.” you cursed under your breath, a shiver running over your skin, “i — fuck.”

it was the only words that you could seem to manage, despite trying so hard to form an actual sentence that encapsulated your feelings. maybe if you could say it to yourself, you could say it to him, but that was a harder task then made out to be in movies and TV shows (you never had time to watch).

you practically couldn’t even remember how you got from point A to point B, but here you were, keys in hand, standing directly in front of the glass door with a mournful look that reflected. you barely caught the jaw-dropped stare chan gave you before smacking seungkwan to get his attention.

for a moment you wondered what went through their heads, what they thought happened to you; no doubt it was going to be more dramatic than needed, but you expected nothing less, and honestly, you felt nothing less.

you were frozen, like the air, when the younger of them came and opened the door with the broom still clad between his left hand.

“what the hell happened to you?” he asked.

seungkwan came running over, finally realizing that you weren’t playing a trick on the two of them, and it was actually bad news that was making your body shake.

he took your hand, dropping the washcloth on the way to an empty (and presumably clean, if they were getting their jobs done properly) table. he took the stool down, and pushed you into it. and just as his hands left your shoulders, you felt something snap. it could’ve been because of their presence that your water pipe was now cracked and seeping down your face, however you really couldn’t tell at that moment in time. all that was playing on your mind was the three words that shouldn’t be so complicated. it felt like a foreign language as it played across your heart, one you could only try to understand, much less repeat back. it felt too easy that it was beyond difficult; a trick question you didn’t want the answer to.

maybe if you were more secure, you told yourself, maybe if you liked your life a little more it wouldn't all be replaying like a fucking horror movie when you blinked — even if only for a millisecond.

"he said he loved me."

it's like a bomb dropped for them, however a weight lifted off your tiring shoulders, “h-he said he loves me and i — i”

“and you’re not sure?”

no, you’re not sure. you’re not sure what love’s supposed to feel like. you’re not sure if seungcheol is even it. you’re not sure how many times you’ve thought about it on lonely nights you wished you had someone to wrap up into. you’re not sure he actually loves you despite offering no opposition to it. you’re not sure, simply because you don’t want to be; you knew that and you hated it.

“i — i don’t know,” you stated, wiping the drops off your under eyes, “he’s perfect, really, but i — i don’t know.”

seungkwan cocked an eyebrow in chan’s direction, who looked awfully like a mother: arms crossed over his chest with the broom still in hand. they weren’t convinced you were telling them the truth, but honestly, you had no idea what that would even begin to look like in their eyes.

you should have your shit together, you were almost 30 for fucks sake, however you still lived by the saying ‘better late than never’ like it wasn’t getting too late. you’ve lived being brushed under the rug, in blissful ignorance of the passing times. sure, you’ve achieved almost everything you wanted as a teenager, but there was still a lingering fear in your heart, one that penetrated every corner and crept with uncertainty. you didn’t question whether you were able to be loved, but if you deserved it — especially from the surgeon or painter, who seemed so keen to.

a blunt smack to the face, metaphorically, woke you from your dooming thoughts. “y/n,” seungkwan deadpanned, taking the chair next to you and leaning in, “in your grown-ass age, you’re acting like a kid. if you’re unsure, you should talk about it like adults, running away won’t fix anything — and it’ll just leave you alone forever — as much as we love you, we’re not taking care of you in the retirement home, so you better find a man that will.”

you looked to chan who was nodding slightly, “you deserved to be loved. whether that be the surgeon or someone else. okay?”

you bit your lip, taking into account what they’ve said, and mixing it with your own feelings; a bitter taste left on your tongue. you debated telling them about your situationship with a business partner, however somewhere deep down you think they already knew somehow. they all but said you have to follow your heart to truly be happy: something they knew you craved, rubbing up against all else.

you slowly agreed non-verbally. you've come to a decision, and whether it is a good one, only time will tell.

you chose yourself.

and this time, you find yourself face to face with a crusty-white door that you knew led into a basement. your hand went up to knock, and it's as if the resident knew you were outside because it creaked open. you’ve been met with the painter more than countless times, but at this moment, you felt like your heart was sitting at your feet on the frozen concrete.

"i-i tried upstairs, but you didn't answer, so i just assum —"

he stepped aside, "come in."

you shut up your explanation and followed directions, stepping over the trim and into his studio. you were overwhelmed with the intoxicating smell of paint, looking around at the walls that were covered in acrylic abstracts, oil flowers or chalk portraits. there were multiple canvases that were set on the floor, half-done and partially covered by tarps.

it wasn't the first time you've seen his studio, but it somehow had gotten even more cramped than that time; when you anxiously thought of ways to organize it.

"are you okay? you never come here unannounced."

you stumbled inside your head, foggy was an understatement now that you were actually looking at a third of your problem. "i just needed to see you, i-i need to talk to you about something — it's important, i swear. i'm sorry for just showing up."

"don't be sorry, it's why i told you my address." he pulled a stool form under his sharpie covered desk, brushing it off for you to sit on. "it must be important as you can't even stand properly. sit down, you haven't even looked at me once since coming in."

you hadn't realized, "i'm sorry," you mumbled, forcing your eyes to level on him as you collapsed against the stool. you were sober (unfortunately), but it felt as if you were full speed drunk-driving.

"stop apologizing unless you have something to be sorry for." he said, sitting in front of you, trying to garner your attention, "do you have something that warrants an apology, y/n?"

you remained silent, and you swore you could feel the air stop moving as if it was all sucked out of the room. the way he stared at you made you look through him like a window, because you were afraid that it wouldn't end well if anything else. your anxiety mimicked a hypoglycemic reaction, and you felt the need to hold onto something to steady yourself. you were becoming as predictable as the rain during the months of march and may.

you needed him, but you needed someone else too.

you thought a decision could be easy. you'd choose whoever piqued your interest better, but it didn't help that they were both so damn pretty, and nice and caring. they were perfect for you — both of them — in different ways. you were forced to imagine a future with both, and it made you sick to your stomach.

maybe the fact that one of them would inevitably hate you if you broke it off, especially to be exclusive with a different man, kept you shaken. you hated that you had to meet them romantically instead of platonically, because now that you couldn't have both, you feared you'd get none at all in the end.

would the memory become unbearable if you broke the surgeon's heart? would the painter even care if you told him it wasn't working out?

you should go with the one who confessed his love to you as you comforted him in the kitchen of your apartment — but, unfortunately, you can see the way vernon had stars in his eyes, bargaining with them for more than just half of your heart. He wanted to support you in whatever you did, but he knew he met you before anyone else ever did.

your voice came without warning, "d-do you love me, too?" you meant to ask the deafening question only in the confines of your own head.

"too?"

"what?"

"do you love me, too?" he reiterated, your face losing all color, "t-that's what you said. do you love me, too. does that mean you love me too, or that someone else loves you?"

"too?" you all but shouted in his face, "does that mean you love me too, o-or —"

"y/n, i know what i said."

you felt foolish stuttering, but if you imagined the way you probably looked, it couldn't be more embarrassing.

"o-oh."

he was acting more mature than you, just as the surgeon did not even hours ago, reading you like he wrote the words to begin with. you'd been shocked close to a couple heart attacks today, and you wondered why on a monday of all days shit had to hit the fan. but the storm had been brewing for a while, and the humidity was only the first tell.

the room was now left as if no one was in it. you swear you could hear sirens all the way across the city if you focused hard enough. your lip was now raw, and you could taste slight metal from how much you'd been chewing on it. you hated how good the plastic covered couches looked, the piquet fence and three-kid family people strived so fucking hard for. you thought you were fine sitting in the backseat of a car heading full speed for a cliff, because in the mirror you really thought you looked happy enough. if you could turn back time to monday last week, you weren't convinced you wouldn't do it without hesitation.

you hated how you held the knife that just kept piercing you. and you wondered if one of them could be the one to finally pry it from your cold hands, to finally warm them. your innocence was weakness, and it finally made you realize that you were older; that you, yourself, was your own worst enemy.

you knew you'd sit in silence until he had the courage to break it, simply because you were certain you couldn't. the sad song was writing itself so well; if only you let your heart listen to the millions of thoughts swirling your dream. you could go left or right, but there was no turning around anymore.

he was soft against the air, and you audibly heard a hurt in his voice that you felt you didn't deserve to cry over, "you meant that there's another guy who loves you... too."

you were taking all the bliss for granted, because the moment it was ripped from under your feet your thoughts became erratic. and truthfully, you know it's because you're selfishly still holding on.

you're still convinced you feel the same way towards them both. you're still convinced that it's one sided: that you don't — can't — love too. you're still scared that this will be too much for you in the end and you'll be left alone. you were convinced that the only way was to love or leave. you told yourself there was no in between two thin lines, no shades of gray between black and white. you thought that there had to be a definitive answer that you kept running away from.

and you didn't want to run anymore. you were tired; tired of being alone, tired of having to feel sick every time someone you cared so deeply about crossed your mind. you were a terrible person for leading yourself down into the wreck and bringing both of them with you.

you were honestly going to break it off with the artist for the security of the surgeon.

when you were walking over, you came up with ways to defend the intentions that seemed cruel, rehearsing the lines that went in one ear and out the other. you faced him and your heart raced. you felt guilty because you knew you couldn't give either of them the answer they wanted without hurting someone in the crossfire. they both loved you, and it made your chest tight with the thought: a continuous loop you found yourself circling and circling until you were dizzy.

the surgeon had you wrapped around his finger, so desperate for him, and you mistook it for blind devotion. but the artist worshiped the ground you stepped on, you think he'd walk through hell to restore you to humanity. they’d (evidently) do anything to see a smile on your face.

you watched as he stood up, paced the room in search of something momentarily. then he found it. closed between his forefinger and thumb was a starch colored paper, black fingerprints and smudges all over it. he brought it back, you catching a glimpse of soft features drawn so carefully it couldn't possibly be how he saw you. he handed the portrait to you as he began speaking, explaining his actions, "if you're going to break it off with me for him, it's okay, but just take this then. i can't bear the thought of it — of you being so close yet so far out of reach." he sent a shiver down your spine, "you'd haunt me, y/n." but now you were convinced he saw you more beautifully than jealous hades did persephone, and it made you believe that maybe the love that blooms could be as serendipitous as cupid and psyche. an untainted white-rose could sprout from the ashes of the past. all you had to do was give him the answer he was so easily pulling from you.

nonetheless the guilt felt for seungcheol wouldn't outweigh it, because you like him too much. in a different, more primal way, in comparison to the romantics vernon showered you with. your heart raced in adrenaline for the feeling of the surgeon's hands on your body, whereas the sight of the painter's lips set you on fire. you wanted them both hopelessly... but for different reasons that all went back to the same feeling: love. if you'd be so much as damned, the complications it implied, despite craving it until you found yourself debilitated in your bed, wishing on every lucky star you could find. you pictured yourself falling, free-falling just to chase a feeling, until you hit the water-stained concrete.

you loved him — and it hurt so much to have to hurt someone else. but an obstacle is still an obstacle no matter the shape or form.

he roped your attention back to him, his finger brushing a stray piece of hair back into place on your head. it was always the little things, the small inconvenient actions that solidified your heart in stone. you were veering off to the side, signal on and ready to turn.

you ignored feeling some type of way because you didn't want to end up hurting anyone in the process, but you've come to learn that nothing is actually free in this world, and you must make sacrifices for the greater good — for yourself.

you deserved to be happy, you deserved to feel feelings, you deserved to be loved (whether that be by one, both or none of the men). you deserved to be wanted and it's about time you are.

it was a rainy night, the storm finally hitting. you didn't want to be the bad guy, and that's what you're afraid you'd become for him. maybe you were just too nice. you wondered how your bestfriends could be so ruthless, yet still looked upon fondly. you wondered if you didn't end up loving, would he hate you?

would seungcheol hate you?

you wondered what his diagnosis for you would be this time: delirium? broken heart syndrome? delusion? would he imagine you running back to him in a couple months, fantasizing that you'd realize you made the wrong decision? you didn't want him to feel lost, but in the end you were the one without the compass.

the tears came without warning — so much for holding them back because you didn't feel you deserved to cry when you're the one creating the problem for yourself. you dug the grave, and the saying always ends with the perpetrator lying in it. this time, you just hoped it was big enough for two.

"y/n," vernon began, gently holding his palms to either side of your face, "you have to do what's best for you."

you sniffled, "but — but what if that's not what's best for you?"

"why are you thinking of me? or him?" he asked, crouching down to be level with you, "stop doing that and just listen to yourself."

and for once, you did, giving in to desire to want him to want you. you leaned in quickly, his hands still on your cheeks as you pressed a kiss to his lips. he pulled away after a second, completely shocked that you did that without being prompted. but, somehow, you felt calmer than the last couple of weeks had you.

you were laying it all out on the table right now, and you just hoped he'd pick your card, like you just did his.

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

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gallawitchxx · 1 month

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weekly tag wednesday thursday!

oooh baby, look at all the hotties that tagged me to play yesterday: @darlingian @creepkinginc @suzy-queued @metalheadmickey @too-schoolforcool @lingy910y @crossmydna @sgtmickeyslaughter @iansw0rld @juliakayyy @thisdivorce & @energievie !!!! THANKS HOTTIES! how fun!

how is your day going?: so far so good! i honestly laid in bed for hours this morning - much longer than i intended to. but i think that's fine!

are you okay?: life has been super whumpy lately & i haven't been riding the waves all that gracefully. but yeah, i'm okay! this too shall pass.

what is your favourite shade of your favourite colour?: i don't really have a favorite color, but i love turquoise that's more blue than green.

are you single?: i am Very Married!

are you happy about that?: yeah! my wife's the best! we have our shit, like all couples do, but i wouldn't be who or where i am today without her. i'm very lucky.

what age do you feel in your brain?: oooh... 970?

do you feel like the good times are behind you or ahead of you?: both! past, present & future good times for me, bayybeee!

do you have a best friend?: many! but in the traditional sense, yes. i have two besties who i've known since childhood & it's a blessed miracle that we're still loving up on each other after all of these years.

did you have a childhood pet?: i had fish & a couple of cats!

do you sing or whistle around the house?: oh, i was literally just singing take me or leave me from rent (both parts thank you very much) while doing the dishes! so yes! my wife & i also are constantly making up dumb songs lolol.

do you light candles or incense?: yes yes both! more candles now, but incense when we used to *gasp* smoke weed inside hahahalksgjsl. but now we're strictly backyard stoners, so the candles work just fine. plus, i have tons of witchy candles too that i'm always working with for spells & such.

are you busy Friday night?: no? lol. what day is it? we have some weekend plans, so a friday night in sounds grand!

if you were a circus performer which act would you be in?: probably a fortune teller (typecast), but i think in another life, i'd want to be a trapeze artist & swing from the rafters!

what is your favourite outfit?: oooh this one's easy! a white mock turtleneck, my black Wildfang overalls, and sneakers!

what's the last thing you created?: i'm working on a writing project for work & still attempting my end of the Having a Ball collab with @callivich (hi calli, ily calli, thank you for your patience calli), but i suppose the last thing i created was this art of mickey's booty.

what is your favourite fic or book of all time?: it might need an update, but my forever favorite book is a tale of two cities by charles dickens. my favorite fic? shit that's hard. eerrrrmmmm - i truly cannot answer this, sorry lolol.

what are you looking forward to?: by this time next month (plus a few days), i'll have hugged all of my favorite people! HOW EXCITING FOR ME!

what can put you immediately in a better mood?: a movie night with the pals! a play sesh with my pup! a smoocherooooo.

do you like hugs?: love 'em! c'mere! let me squeeze you round the middle & bury my nose in your neck!

what is something you wish people understood about you?: oooh. um, i think that because i'm pretty positive all the time, people don't think to check in on me & see if i'm doing ok? this isn't a plea by any means lol - i'm good! - but it takes a lot of effort to keep a good attitude when the world can be so harsh. also! i'm a witch! don't mess with me! *wink*

tagging @heymrspatel @howlinchickhowl @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @milk-o-bitch & @squidyyy23 - who may not ever see this, but who i almost put down for favorite fic! (i'm DAD's #1 stan!) & who i miss every day of my life! if you don't want to play, that's cool! imagine we're laying together in a field of green, looking up at a clear, sunny sky. ily.

#thanks for tagging me y'all!#weekly tag wednesday #tagged

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dndeed · 2 years

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Crit Role Miniature Rollout: C3E29 Dark Portents

With Andrew Harshman

An archive and analysis of the minis used on CR.

Dark Portents? More like dank portents! Am I right folx? Pretty dang exciting session. That goes for the terrain as well. Loads of unique buildings. A number of which I was unable to pin down with a specific source. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them were unique custom sculpts. The Hellcatch Valley has a very distinct map aesthetic. I dig it. I commend Matt on his map building and his ability to take build such distinct spaces with prefabricated terrain.

Blood Curse your inevitable betrayal, it’s time for Crit Role Miniature Rollout Campaign 3 Episode 29!

The List

Mats by Mars: Desert Tabletop Wargaming Play Mat

Chest and Trove 5E Condition Rings

Wizkids 4D Settings War Machines: Ballista Components

Monster Fight Club Barren Hills

Hagglethorn Hollow Homestead

Dwarven Forge Wicked City Smuggler’s Wagon

Dwarven Forge City Builder System

Dwarven Forge Dead Trees Pack

Dwarven Forge Tavern Accessories Bar

Dwarven Forge Magnetic Sign

Dwarven Forge Magnetic Traps Magnetic Wall Lever

Dwarven Forge Magnetic Traps Magnetic Swinging Blade Trap

Mantic Games Terrain Crate: Wizards Study Bookcase

Skirmish Crawlers designed by Tyler Walpole

Campaign 3 Party Minis Wizkids Sculpts

Yu Suffiad Resin Printed HeroForge Mini Painted by Iron Tusk Painting

Shattered Star #48 Alchemical Golem

Critical Role Miniatures Satyr

Assorted scatter terrain

Assorted buildings

A fence

Yu Suffiad Resin Printed HeroForge Mini Painted by Iron Tusk Painting

More mighty fine mini painting from Iron Tusk Painting. I love the way that Dusk’s cloak color blends into that of the base color. Iron Tusk shared some images of the printing process on IG:

Eva-style, they make sure to print off extra copies.. Which seems like a very practical measure. Print off a bunch, and paint the best print. Super smart.

Birdie Critical Role Miniatures Satyr Mini images sourced from minisgallery.com

What a wonderfully whimsical pose. She looks all ready for the Feywild Hoof-Down-Hoedown. Up until this point, the D&D prepainted Satyrs have all been generic jolly bearded satyr men. The CR Minis Satyr is far more unique. Sweet figure.

Automaton Shattered Star #48 Alchemical Golem Mini photo sourced from Troll and Toad

Did you see them? An easy to miss miniature in the background of the combat. This is a very nifty Pathfinder model with some nifty metallic paint. Outstanding figure. So unique and cool.

Final Thoughts

So often maps and minis are associated with simple, vapid combat. Which is a not wholly fair generalization. I’m always happy to see battle mats used in a different way. Just because a map hits the table doesn’t mean the encounter has to end in a fight to the death battle. Good encounter, good session.

Let me leave you this week with a closer look at the Alchemy Golem:

See ya next sesh!

#critroleminiaturerollout

#criticalroleminiaturerollout #critroleminiaturerollout #critrole #critical role #criticalrole #cr #crspoilers #dnd #dndminis #heroforge

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looksthatkilledd · 1 year

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smoking with eddie munson (HEAD-CANNON)

Pairing: Eddie Munson X gn!Reader Warnings: use of weed Words: 200 AU: N/A

MASTERLIST

Eddie has very fucking good weed

like very good.

one night he calls you up, asking if you wanted to sesh with him

you made your way to his trailer

you found him set with his bong and snacks ready

you guys take a couple tokes but his weed gives you a head rush

Eddie eats all the food and ends up cuddled up next to you on the couch

you get the brilliant idea of going to the park, completely ignoring how late it is, you take it up with Eddie and he agrees

you both find yourself walking down the streets of Hawkins at 2am

finally, reaching the park, you run to the swings and plop down, swinging back and forth

"Eddie babe! join me!"

giggles and laughs are shared as you both swing back and forth

"y/n.. we should go get pizza, I'm s'fucking hungry man."

following street signs, you both end up finding the pizza place

splitting the pizza, you guys sat close on a ledge, eating pizza

you were very tired, and you start to lean on Eddie for support, he wraps his arm around you smiling

"I love you, y/n."

#eddie my boy #eddie x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie x steve #steve x eddie #eddie x reader #headcanon #nikki's work #stranger things 4 #stranger things #joseph quinn

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crestfallen-infatuation · 2 years

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This my Exposé

Bones in the prime like Metroid (ay)

I don't need a nine just to get my way

Earl Grey tea, too hot, gotta wait

Fucking with somebody that I love, gotta pay

Motherfuck rap, this is y'all last day

Brain make pain, my lane unnamed

Take two to the neck, then forget my name

Lot of things will, but Bones will never change

SESH remain past my dying day

Kids so nice, dope so mean

Blunt guts trail lead you to the team

Backwood trails three miles when I wake

Trying to think good thoughts every breath that I take

Easier said than done, early morning try to beat the sun

Oh shit, it happened and I can't be happy

So I feel defended that's just how I'm packing it

After the accolades, after the casualty

Mo'fuck the boogeyman, I don't want that at me

I don't know, kicking in the front door with the .44

Chain never hit me, that a no go

She just wanna be on me like a logo (logo, logo)

Hundred blunt wraps in a monogrammed duffel

I swing blades, I ain't worried about muscle

Must me braindead, try to reach for my pockets

Open hands, slap your dumb ass like Piana

Michigan misfit, uptown legend

I'mma keep quiet, I'mma let you tell it

Put me on the spot, let me rock like Petty

Put me in the ground before I get too heavy

Nights always hard but my days seem fine

My mind change when the sky lose light

Sun go down, I'm filled with bad thoughts

Hard for me to sleep, even harder to wake up, yeah

Hard for me to sleep, even harder to wake up, true

#music #EarlGrey #BONES #Spotify

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concussed-to-pieces · 4 years

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Stay Safe Part Three: Vibroblade Mettle

Fandom: The Mandalorian [Star Wars]

Pairing: Eventual Mandalorian [Din Djarin]/Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Welcome one and all, welcome to what I like to consider my specialty: a good ol’ dustup. Also this chapter is very long, I do apologize. Enjoy!

Tag List: @wrestlingfae @toxiicpop @helplessly-nonstop @huliabitch @culturalrebel @literal-fand0m-trash @sinnamon-bunn @fioccodineveautunnale @hxldmxdxwn @lizajane3 @thewaythisis @nellyneko

Part One [Should Have Known Better]

Part Two [Tranquil Turmoil]

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains graphic depictions of gore. Stay safe!]

The morning of the long-anticipated fracas broke blessedly clear.

You wrapped the blanket around your shoulders and got to your feet, tiptoeing past the still-sleeping shock trooper.

Someone had hung your clothes up to dry. A certain cape and flight suit were also slung over the indoor line, and beskar armor was laid out in uniform rows on a blanket off to the side.

Your eyes fell on the form that was currently propped up beside the door, his arms crossed and the chin of his helm resting on his chest. All he wore at this point was a thin liner shirt and compression leggings; for some reason he had kept his gloves and boots on. Again, you were uncertain if he was actually sleeping, or simply being very still. You chose to err on the side of caution and carefully, so carefully, you crept to where your clothes hung.

They were still a little damp, but you could definitely put them back on. The mud was gone as well. Rinsed out with the rain, no doubt.

Risking another glance at the downright underdressed Mandalorian (he hadn't stirred), you yanked your threadbare intimates off the line and quickly shimmied back into them under the cover of your loaned tunic. Moving as swiftly as possible, you hauled up your pants and then jerked the oversized tunic over your head to trade it out with your own. There was a heart-stopping moment where your elbow got caught in the tunic's shoulder before you managed to free yourself without any excessive noise, stumbling slightly.

The whole process took maybe three harried minutes, but when you looked over to the doorway again you noticed with a jolt of horror that the Mandalorian's head was now tipped against his shoulder slightly, as if to turn it away from where you were standing.

"Sorry." You whispered, feeling silly for worrying when you received no reply. Your hands neatly folded the borrowed tunic and you tucked it under your arm as you heard the child wake up. "Good morning, sweetheart." You murmured to them, tracing a finger over one of their oversized ears while they yawned and rubbed their eyes. "Let's get some breakfast and leave these two to rest a little more. Big doings today. Need to be at our best."

The baby wriggled in their bassinet, tiny hands clasping at your tunic when you lifted them up.

You turned to depart, but paused by the door curtain. "Hey, say goodbye to your papa." You urged them softly, freeing up one of their hands to flap it enthusiastically at the slumbering man on the floor. The baby giggled, clearly enjoying this new game. "He's working really hard, so we have to work hard too, okay?" You informed the child gravely, beeping their nose afterwards. "Can't be whining about Nevarro. We've got to be strong."

...

The Mandalorian took the child off your hands shortly after he emerged fully-armored from the barn. He didn't actually say anything, he just extended his arms and you got the gist.

You watched him walk away, gloved fingers gesturing animatedly at the baby. It was as if they were having a conversation without words, the baby offering him contemplative noises in response to his motions.

Winta, Omera's child, tugged on your sleeve. "Mama asked me to come and get you. She said you have a really important job tonight so she wants to make sure you're okay." The child relayed.

"Lead the way, kiddo." You replied, your brow furrowing in confusion. What could Omera possibly want with you?

After her child brought you to her, Omera sent the young girl on her way and then indicated for you to sit on the porch alongside her. You were silent for several minutes while the woman patched a hole in one of their sieve baskets, unsure if she needed the time to gather her thoughts.

"Winta's father, my husband, was a strong man." Omera murmured, her brown eyes far away. "He believed he could protect everyone, much like your Mandalorian seems to believe. But…" She inhaled, turning to look at you. "He was not invincible. A moment came where a choice needed to be made, and he sacrificed himself for the greater good."

"What…" You gulped, your words suddenly refusing to cooperate. "Wh-What happened?"

"A contingent of Klatoonians circled around to the hut that we had hidden the younglings in." The older woman said softly. "Winta's father made the choice to protect the children and provide them a distraction so they could escape."

Your heart ached for her. No wonder many of the villagers seemed to look upon Omera as a leader of sorts. Her husband had paid the ultimate price to save the future of their settlement, a price that left her counting the cost every day. And now…

The realization dawned on you that the reason for this conversation was...that future had been entrusted to you.

"Nothing and no one is getting past me. I swear." You promised her, meaning every word. "We've all trained for this. With Cara and the Mandalorian, and everyone's planning, I know that-"

"Are you prepared to make the same choice my husband made?" Omera interrupted, her question devastatingly pragmatic. "Are you prepared? What if one of your friends must make that choice? What then?"

"I…" you hesitated. Friends. "I don't really know. All I know is that I'm going to do everything I can to keep everyone safe. No matter what it takes." You clenched your fist. "You have to count the cost and take the plunge sometimes."

"Let's both hope that our costs will be low in the light of tomorrow's dawn." Omera extended her hand and you clasped her forearm, her own fingers cupping your elbow. "Your Mandalorian seems to care for that child very much." She observed, seemingly at random until you followed her gaze to where the armored man was sitting on a rock.

He was shifting his weight back and forth, absently knocking out a rhythm on his cuisses. The child played in the grass at his feet, waving their arms as the man aimed more of those odd gestures at them. His fingers were strangely nimble for someone wearing such thick gloves. You wondered privately if it was some kind of secret bounty hunter code.

"If you don't mind me asking, was...was your husband good with children?" You queried.

Omera shook her head with a wistful smile. "Maker, no." She chuckled. "At least not at first. Until we had Winta, he was a nervous wreck around the younglings. But once she was born, he…" She trailed off, her smile fading. "Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm still...it's-it's difficult to talk about him." She squeezed your arm apologetically. "Hold on to your friends for as long as you can. You're still so young."

A lump of uncertainty swelled in your throat and all you could do was nod in response. Could you even call them friends?

The Mandalorian suddenly barked, "spit that out!", the sharp order making both you and Omera look up. When you glanced over, the armored man was on the ground trying to wriggle what appeared to be the business end of a mudjumper out of the child's mouth.

You snorted, struggling to stifle your giggles and almost succeeding. Until Omera erupted into peals of laughter, that is. The Mandalorian's shoulders shot up around where his ears would be, and he slowly turned to look for the source of the noise. As strange as it was to say, you could tell he was sheepish just by the little two-fingered wave he directed at you.

The armored man scooped up the child once the mudjumper crisis had been averted, long strides carrying him to where yourself and Omera sat. "You two see something funny?" He asked. Maker, was he being playful?

"Nope!" You squeaked. "Nope, nothing at all."

"Does the little one do that often?" Omera inquired, smiling again when the Mandalorian heaved a sigh and nodded rapidly.

"Ask them, they're the ones that ended up keeping him from choking most of the flight here." He replied, tilting his head in your direction.

"He's young, everything is new and interesting." You surmised.

"He's fifty." The Mandalorian said flatly. "This is a little old man in nerf's clothing. Don't be fooled."

"No he's not." You crooned, taking one of the proffered tiny green hands and gently swinging it back and forth while the baby babbled happily. "With those eyes? They're just a sweet innocent little baby convor."

"With the killer instinct to match." The Mandalorian retorted. "Did you see that mudjumper? This kid has a slimy body count."

"Do you?" You asked the child, smiling when they shrieked in reply. "Have you got a body count, baby bird of prey?"

"For tonight." The Mandalorian said, suddenly back to being all-business. His rapid changes of conversation would be the death of you. "I know you're stationed with the little ones. If everything goes as planned, you won't even see action."

"I can hope, but I'll be ready either way." You murmured. Omera's hand squeezed your arm again and the widow got to her feet, waving goodbye to the baby before she departed with her mended basket. "Her husband had my job and he…" You trailed off, swallowing. "I-I guess I'm a little worried." You admitted quietly.

"I don't want you pulling any heroics." The armored man grunted. "Enough of these people are hellbent on being the front lines. They've never been able to think about revenge before, and now that they are, well." He turned, actually looking at you. "You have the important job. Foundlings are...excuse me, younglings are the only way this place will live on."

"I understand." You hesitated, then asked, "can I hang onto that vibroblade for tonight? The one I've been practicing with?"

"It's yours." The Mandalorian answered firmly.

"What, no, that thing's power cells alone probably cost a fortune. Just let me use it ton-"

"I said. It's. Yours." The man growled, propping his boot up on the porch. You got the impression that he was glaring. "You need it, you use it, you keep it."

"I hope I don't have to use it." You mumbled, wishing you didn't sound quite so scared.

"For your sake, I hope you can use it if it comes down to it."

…

I hope you can use it if it comes down to it.

You scoffed to yourself, pacing back and forth in front of the hut doorway. More than anything, you prayed that the front lines would hold. You prayed that everyone would stay safe and that you wouldn't have so much as a glimpse of action.

Your prayers appeared to go unanswered when you heard the crash crash crash of ground-shaking footfalls. The children began to whimper amongst themselves, one girl bursting into tears when a thunderous salvo went off. That would be the AT-ST.

You knelt beside the little girl, doing your best to soothe her panic. "It's just loud. Just noise. Like thunder, you know?" You reasoned quietly, relieved when she blinked back her tears and nodded.

There was the sound of running outside, and the guttural yells of the raiders began to reach your ears. That boded poorly. The barricades were supposed to funnel them to the villagers, had the place already been overwhelmed?

Your brow furrowed. "Stay put, and stay quiet." You instructed Winta, doing your best to keep your voice steady. "You're in charge of the others if I have to leave at some point. I'm counting on you, Sneaks."

The little girl nodded solemnly, holding the baby in her lap. The large-eared being blinked up at you with those enormous eyes, lower lip quivering slightly.

"Hey now, it'll be okay. Don't you worry!" You cajoled, rising to your feet with an easy smile. You turned on your heel to go check the doorway again--

You caught a fleeting glimpse of a hulking form and then the stock of a blaster rifle slammed into your stomach, crushing all the breath out of your lungs with a single, calculated blow. You crumpled to your knees, retching. The world spun in grayscale, a set of boots dizzily coming into your field of vision.

The barrel of the blaster pressed against the side of your head.

The younglings.

The younglings! Move, damn it!

All of Cara's training rushed to the forefront of your brain and you lunged into the raider's legs, knocking him flat on his back. His shot went wide, blowing a hole in the ceiling overhead. In the breathless second before he comprehended that he had missed, you managed to draw the vibroblade. Swinging from the side with all your strength, you watched his face tear under the brutal assault of the steel.

It was terrible. It was so much worse than you could have imagined. What had you even been thinking, getting involved in something like this? This was nothing like the brawls you had gotten into over mining deposits or repair jobs. This was a thousand times worse.

A moment came where a choice needed to be made, and he sacrificed himself for the greater good.

Could you make a choice like that? Did you trust yourself with a choice like that?

A soft whimper from behind you effectively put an end to your moral quandary and your eyes narrowed.

You staggered back up, sucking wind, your shaky fingers tearing the knife loose. Armed with the whirring blade, legs akimbo over the limp form, you weren't even afforded the time to move forward before another Klatoonian made their way through the door.

You lowered your head slightly, gripped the vibroblade a little tighter and gritted your teeth. The raider foolishly wasted his opportunity to attack you immediately, deciding instead to leer at the terrified younglings behind you. That is, until he seemed to notice the body you stood over, his eyes widening and the blaster he held jerking upwards.

At that point it was too late. You were already on him like a wild nexu, yowling and snarling as you used the momentum of your attack and lower center of gravity to tackle him backwards out of the hut. Your elbow rammed into his arm, knocking the blaster to the side before he could use it.

Half of the fight is the noise you make. If you're louder, you're stronger! You're scarier! Cara's instructions rang in your head.

You braced the pommel of your blade with your palm and shoved it home between the helmet and armor just like the Mandalorian had shown you. It was strangely simple, the raider gurgling and flailing their arms before collapsing.

You yanked the blaster from his limp hands, fumbling to find the trigger on the unfamiliar weapon. This was bad. They weren't supposed to have even gotten this far! Something must have gone wrong on the front lines. Had Cara or the Mandalorian been taken out?

Focus. Don't panic. Focus. You inhaled, staggering a bit as another bombardment from the walker rocked the ground. That was the problem. They hadn't gotten rid of the AT-ST yet. No doubt all manpower was currently dealing with that issue, leaving gaps in the front line that the raiders were exploiting.

You tore your eyes away from the body in the dirt beside you, glancing around. The Klatoonian raiders appeared to have the upper hand. The AT-ST loomed in the distance, its two red viewports glowing like the eyes of a massive beast. Everywhere you looked, you saw villagers engaged with the raiders. It was chaos.

You pulled the trigger as a knee-jerk reaction when a raider rushed at you. The gun had more kick than you expected, bucking hard against your shoulder and the raider was still coming for you. You frantically fought with the trigger, realizing almost too late that the gun needed to be primed before it could be fired.

You braced yourself better this time and your aim was true, dropping the raider what felt like bare inches away from you.

Count the cost and take the plunge.

Your back straightened up and you returned to your origin point, nervously shifting your weight back and forth on trembling legs. Despite your fear, despite your inexperience, you vowed you would not be moved from this spot. Protect the younglings.

The fight felt like it just went on and on. You pulled the trigger again and again, your shots missing more often than not, and when the gun ran dry you fell back on the vibroblade. It didn't matter whether you entirely stopped the raiders that were running by the hut, you reasoned, as long as you took a chunk out of them on their way through.

It was not...particularly glamorous. Your knees were shaking, stomach rolling, jaw clenched. Nothing at all like the propaganda imagecasts, where there was always brilliant sunlight and wind blowing while someone gave poetic rallying speeches. This was an ugly fray in the dirt, a true skirmish, and you were scared out of your mind.

Nothing and no one is getting past me. Nothing and no one is getting past me. Nothing and no one is getting past me. The phrase cycled like a mantra, something for you to latch onto as you struggled.

Like you were doing the drills with the Mandalorian, you could practically hear him barking louder! and you obeyed, snarling and snapping your teeth when you engaged the enemy. You operated on sloppy muscle memory from all the training, all the instruction that had been crammed into the last few days carrying you through the fray. Several times you missed your openings and then you panicked, resorting to brute force to deal with the problem at hand. You knew you were too stiff, constantly flexing your fingers to keep them from cramping up.

The vibroblade was getting hard to hold, its handle slick with blood and the sweat from your own palm, but you doggedly kept at it.

Your arms were so heavy.

How the hell does he manage this in full beskar?!

Several villagers came to your aid at different points, blaster fire briefly taking some of the paranoid burden off and reminding you that you weren't alone in this. You were grazed in the shoulder by a raider's shot when you missed another strike, the pain bright like lightning behind your eyes, but it wasn't as if it made your arm any heavier. Shake it off and keep going, rookie! The adrenaline will hold the pain!

You would take care of it later.

Right as your second wind was abandoning you in the dust, there came the high shriek of abused metal. The walker, it seemed, had finally taken the bait, toppling into one of the ponds. Not two moments later, it exploded spectacularly in a massive fireball.

Your ears still ringing from that, you almost didn't catch what happened next. You glimpsed a helmeted form climbing up one of the barricades, and then-

"Kote!" The Mandalorian roared triumphantly, slamming his gauntlet into the center of his beskar chestplate. The metal rang like a bell, echoing across the battlefield and drawing all eyes to him. Gods knew he certainly cut an impressive figure, silhouetted against the burning walker.

The Klatoonians seemed to slowly realize that their largest advantage was now a smoldering pile of refuse, and the ones left alive began to flee back into the woods in a panicked rush. The villagers pursued, borrowed weapons and makeshift spears urging the raiders off of their land with deadly force.

You dropped to one knee, your breath wheezing in your chest with every inhale. That whole event blew Cara and the Mandalorian's drills clean out of the water. You felt like you could sleep for a year.

Younglings.

You got back up.

There were only six bodies littering the ground around you, but it had seemed like an insurmountable force while you were fighting. Now you were a little embarrassed at your level of exhaustion. Again, you wondered how in the world Cara or the Mandalorian managed while lugging their various armaments and protective gear.

You stumbled back inside the hut full of children, startled when two more of them silently crawled into your lap alongside the kid once you plopped down. "It's all but over. Few more minutes. You all did so great." You praised them, smiling tiredly and bumping their foreheads with your own. "I know that was pretty loud stuff, but you guys kept your cool. I'm very proud." Your throat burned, voice grating painfully from all the no-doubt incredibly intimidating noises you had made.

"Are they going to come back again?" One of the little boys asked, his eyes wide.

"I don't think so. Your parents did a fantastic job at keeping you all as snug as womp rats in a haystack." You bit your lip, a little overwhelmed with the myriad of tiny, tear-streaked faces staring pensively up at you. Maker only knew how bad you looked right now. "Hey, the words to that song I taught you all got spooked right out of my head. Can you guys help me remember it?" You asked, grasping desperately for something to distract and occupy.

"Will you pay, can you pay…" Winta trailed off uncertainly.

"Calamari flan!" Another child supplied helpfully, wiping their eyes. "Build a ship as best as you can." More variations. You felt yourself getting a little misty, but you chalked it up to a combination of relief and exhaustion.

The children slowly curled up around you, little voices arguing sleepily over the lyrics in a matter of seconds. The baby snuggled into the crook of your forearm, their tiny thumb tucked into their mouth.

Stars, you were tired.

Your eyes kept sliding closed only for you to jerk them back open seconds later. Your mouth was still dry and sour with leftover adrenaline, every muscle aching from the exertion of the earlier battle. The younglings drifted off one by one, their discussions dissolving into nothingness.

When Cara shoved open the flap of the hut she looked fresh as a daisy, if a little damp. "Holy sh-stars." She whispered, just barely curbing her swear in time when she spotted the mangled raider. "How did you-?"

"Can you round up parents?" You requested softly, indicating downwards at your full lap. "I don't think I can move currently."

She nodded, retreating from the hut. You buried your face in the sleeping baby's robe, inhaling their clean scent in an effort to ground yourself. They were fine. The younglings were safe. You had succeeded.

Somehow, somehow, you had succeeded.

The Mandalorian was the next one in, his dark and bulky form sparking a momentary rush of panic. You had your knife out and in front of you before you could even think, the vibroblade whining in your tight grip as you clutched the children close.

"Easy." The beskar-wearing man breathed, raising his hands. "Just me. Just me." He glanced around, then crouched and leaned in. "Parents are on their way. There's some wounded, but no dead."

"No…?"

"Yeah." A sob rattled your aching chest at his affirmation. "Steady. It's over now." He rasped, easing the knife out of your trembling hand and switching it off. "I saw your work outside. You're really something, aren't you?"

You were positive you were hallucinating the warmth in his tone. "Had to...keep them safe." You reasoned sluggishly. Then, "How do you move in that stuff? Feel like my arms are going to drop off."

"Practice." He replied. His helmet tapped your forehead and you realized you had dozed off for a second. "Stay with me, stowaway. We're almost done."

"Mmhm." You mumbled, obediently keeping your eyes open. He didn't move away though, simply maintaining the even pressure of his cool helm against your heated skin. It gave you something to focus on, something to help you stay conscious.

Battered, weary parents filtered in one by one, children getting picked up or ushered out still half-asleep. Omera hugged you fiercely tight before she departed with Winta, her gratitude warming your whole body.

"Sleep now?" You asked the Mandalorian hopefully as he rose.

"We need to know how much of this blood is yours." He muttered, pulling you upright. He grunted in surprise when you nearly collapsed, quickly grabbing hold of your belt to steady you. "Focus, stay with me. Do you remember getting hit?"

You cast your mind back over the disjointed memories of fighting, scrunching your eyebrows in thought. "My shoulder hurts." You remarked intelligently.

"Is that the only spot?" The Mandalorian questioned, his fingers already prodding.

In reply, you scooped his hand up and proceeded to thump it clumsily on the middle of your chest. "Burns to breathe."

All you remembered after that was the way that the world tilted and your cheek pressed against his breastplate.

…

It was raining.

Rain was so rare on Nevarro, a gift and a curse. Places flooded rapidly, but the moisture farms would flourish for months. Divining was regarded with a healthy amount of superstition, for in the water witchery of dowsing rods one could theoretically gain enough insight to keep their wells from drying and their steads from peril.

You hummed sleepily.

Rain was so, so rare. You should get up to watch it.

When you opened your eyes, you realized you were not on Nevarro. The memories came hot on the heels of your realization, the younglings, the fight-

You sat bolt upright, wincing in pain when your shoulder protested the rapid movement. "Ah, ouch-"

"Don't you even think about getting up." Cara's stern voice made you flinch guiltily, and you tucked your leg back beneath the blankets. The soldier loomed over you, a broad smile softening her features after a moment. "Glad you're awake. You snore like a bantha, y'know."

She passed you a tankard full of water and you hungrily gulped, the liquid dribbling down your chin. "Where's-" you rasped.

"Shush, you're so bad at this. Everyone is fine. Everyone." Dune stressed. "You just sit where you are and keep your shirt on." She settled down onto a small stool beside you, leaning forward and clasping her hands. The thick waves of her dark hair hung over her face as she joked, "It's good to have you kickin'. That baby's been gettin' on my last nerve. Oh, and the one with the big ears, too."

"I'm sorry." You whispered, ludicrously feeling as if you had been shirking.

"Don't apologize." Cara chided you. "I'm sure Mando'll come breezing back in here with at least two brats in tow. You can feel sorry then."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Through the night, half into the afternoon." Cara waved a hand. "Usual rookie nap. You probably blew through your calories for the entire week just from shaking, right?"

"How'd you guess?" You mumbled, a little embarrassed.

"You know, I haven't always been this much of a badass." She laughed at the incredulous look you sent her way. "I'm serious! I know it's hard to believe that I wasn't assembled in a factory, chiseled from the Maker's own marble to slay, but the truth is that I am human. I've been scared stiff loads of times." Her hand landed on your good shoulder. "The important part is still going to work, even when you're scared stiff. So I'd say you succeeded."

Your stomach growled, making you grimace. "Speaking of calories…"

Cara got to her feet, moving to the doorway. "Hey! Mando! They're awake! Stop playing in the mud and get me some stew!" She shouted.

"How are the younglings holding up?" You asked.

"They're fine. Resilient little buggers. With some luck, most of the younger ones will think it was a nightmare." Cara sighed, her shoulders slumping. "They bounce back."

You heard steps sloshing through the puddles long before you actually saw the armored man, and you couldn't help your smile when he did come into view. He was covered in mud up to his thighs, his flight suit spattered liberally across the knees and elbows.

"Good to see you conscious." He greeted you, handing Cara a steaming bowl. "The sleep after battle is the best kind."

One of the children dragged at his arm, their body also covered from head to toe in grime. "Come on Mando, we have to keep learning!"

"Learning?" You asked curiously. "What are you teaching them?"

"Something important. It's," the Mandalorian hesitated, one large hand resting on the child's head. "It's a little like that song you showed them."

"Can you pay, can you pay, Calamari flan?" The child grinned, hammering out a rhythm on the Mandalorian's beskar-plated forearm. "Clean my ship as fast as you can!"

"Yeah. Like that. But different." The armored man shrugged, not seeming overly bothered by the little one currently beating a tattoo on his arm. "Rest up while you can. There was some significant structural damage during the raid, so we'll have our work cut out for us over the coming weeks."

Strangely, the implication that you would be staying didn't cause you distress. "I don't want to be dead weight, so you'd better not do too much without me." You requested, offering him a wry smile.

He cocked his head to the side, then nodded. "'Course."

…

Over three weeks of laborious rebuilding later, you found out what he had been teaching the younglings. There had been some secretive fumbling, a few slip ups that had you suspicious, but you were just as surprised as everyone else when the children all filed into a line in front of the evening bonfire.

The baby was there as well, held in the arms of one stoic Mandalorian. The children all bore old pots and pans, salvaged from the makeshift target range, and your brow furrowed as they dropped into strange stances.

"They wanted to learn." Was all the Mandalorian said, shrugging and carefully setting the kid down on the ground. Then, he raised his hand and struck himself on the chest like he had done during the battle.

The beskar rang out and the younglings started their performance, Winta carefully enunciating a string of words in a language you could only assume was Mando'a. The children stomped and reeled in unison, each one hammering enthusiastically on their own 'armor' and then the armor of the next child in line to keep time.

Cara whooped and started clapping along when the Mandalorian actually moved with them, his greaves rattling as his boots scuffed their way through the motions of the dance. For a dance it was, wheeling and enthusiastic. His modulated voice quietly echoed Winta's, prompting her occasionally when she got stuck on certain words.

The baby squealed and waddled around, waving their arms in delight at all the commotion while the other adults began to clap in time. The whole display had your emotions knotting in your chest. The younglings had clearly put a lot of time into learning all the steps of this particular dance, their little faces scrunched up in concentration. And overseeing it all was the sturdy form of the Mandalorian, his beskar glowing orange in the firelight while he chanted softly. It was beautiful, achingly familiar and yet alien all at once. Comradery, children at play, songs you didn't know the words to…

You watched his hands as Winta shouted, "Oya, oya manda!", realizing that his careful gestures were lining up with the cadence of the song. He was saying things with his hands. That was what he had been doing at the kid before! You felt a little stupid for not putting that information together sooner, but now you were seized with a burning desire to know. What other secrets did he keep close, tightly wrapped in beskar?

The kid wandered your way and you scooped them up, holding your palm flat so they could beat their tiny hands down onto it as if they too were clapping along. Their massive ears perked up and they babbled madly at you, making you smile anew.

When you glanced back up, you could have sworn the Mandalorian was looking at you.

Then again, it might have merely been a trick of the wavering light on his helmet.

...

It wasn't until much later in the evening that you finally mustered up the courage to enquire about the song. After you had tucked the kid into bed, you quizzed him on it. "What is that called? The song and dance, I mean."

"It's a piece of my culture." The Mandalorian informed you solemnly. He had posted up at the doorway by Cara, one ankle slung over the other in a relaxed pose. "The Dha Werda Verda. We're taught a few verses when we're young so we can learn how to move in sync with one another. If you step wrong, oftentimes that means you're punching your neighbor in the head. We try to learn how to avoid that early on."

"Oh. So it's kind of a training thing?"

"In a sense, yes. But at the same time…" He paused, brushing his thumb absently down the center of his breastplate. "It's tradition. The Mandalorian culture is not a peaceful one by nature; our expressions of art are made for war." He tilted his head towards you. "There are over seven hundred verses in the Dha Werda Verda alone. It serves as both poem and battle cry."

"And you just taught it to a group of younglings." You deadpanned.

"I taught them a little." He corrected you. "Just like your song that you taught them. They'll make their own versions of mine soon enough, and theirs will be associated with peace. With safety." He shifted his weight, staring off into the darkness. "I did not...I didn't have anything else to offer them."

"I wouldn't say that. It's because of you and Cara that a lot of them still have parents." You pointed out. "I bet these people will tell stories about you two!"

The Mandalorian cocked his head, looking back at you. "It's thanks in no small part to you that they still have younglings to pass the tales along."

Well, that was a weighty thought. You silently mulled it over, concluding, "I don't need them thinking about me like that. I'm not really...well, you know. Heroic. Not like you and Cara."

Cara spoke up from her position on the porch, dryly saying, "take the damn compliment, will you? Not every day that a Mando wants to share glory."

The Mandalorian huffed, muttering something under his breath that had Cara reaching over to punch him in the arm. You chuckled at their antics while you watched them bicker with one another, a strange sense of peace coming over you.

"So, what happens if you take that thing off?" Cara asked suddenly, her head tilted slightly to look up at the armored man. "They come after you and kill you?"

"No." He was silent for an inordinate amount of time and you thought that was the end of his explanation, but then, "You just can't ever put it back on again."

Cara raised an eyebrow at him. "That's it?" She sounded disappointed, and you couldn't really blame her. After the gravity of everything that you had heard regarding Mandalorians and their helmets, it was a little anticlimactic.

The Mandalorian nodded.

"So you could slip off the helmet and go settle down with that beautiful young widow?" Cara gestured outwards at the village with her bright blue glass of spotchka. "Raise your kid, sitting here sipping spotchka?"

You took a noisy slurp of your own spotchka for emphasis, grinning at Cara when she chuckled.

He scoffed, shaking his head. "We raised some hell here a few weeks back. That's...too much action for a backwater little town like this. Word travels fast. We might want to cycle the charts and move on."

Cara murmured, "I wouldn't want to be the one that's gotta' tell him." Her hand waved vaguely towards the bassinet where the child slept peacefully. "The kids love him, y'know."

"I'm leaving him here." Both you and Cara gawked up at the armored man, startled by his announcement. "Traveling with me...that's no life for a kid."

It was a reasonable thing to do. Practical, even. He was a bounty hunter. That didn't exactly scream 'conducive to child-rearing', last you checked. But why did he sound so torn about it if he had already made up his mind?

"I did my job. He's safe. Better chance at a life." He continued stiffly after a moment.

"It's gonna' break his little heart." Dune's tone was faintly accusatory.

"He'll get over it." The Mandalorian replied quietly. "We all do."

The three of you stared out into the darkness in silence for a good while after that. This felt...strange. On the one hand, you could understand not wanting to endanger the kid any further, but the idea of making them sad about anything...this concern was a new phenomenon.

You had always been a firm believer in the notion that children were smarter than adults gave them credit for. It had made it easier to justify not saying goodbye to any of them when you headed off on your next grand adventure; you reasoned they would put it together on their own and really, there was no need for long, drawn-out farewells.

But now, for the first time you could remember, the idea of leaving was...it made you anxious. And it wasn't even you that was preparing to leave!

"Wh-When do you want to-"

"Two days, maybe." He cocked his head at you, "I can't bring you back to Nevarro. But you don't have to stay here if you don't want to. I'm sure if I put you on a platform, someone can get you to Nevarro."

"I...can I think about it?" You implored, relieved when he nodded.

"Give me your answer tomorrow."

…

"Thanks for coming along."

"It's no trouble. About time I started pulling my weight in the security department anyhow." You checked your knife for the hundredth time and Cara grinned at you.

"Nervous?" She teased quietly.

You winced. "Is it that obvious?"

"Listen, you've got nothing to worry about out here aside from falling asleep due to boredom. I promise." Cara assured you, giving your shoulder a light tap. "I just walk the perimeter out of habit at this point. There's been no issues for weeks."

"I know, I just…" You were loathe to continue, certain that you would sound like you were whining to this veteran of a soldier. "I guess I'm still a little uneasy from the big, uh. Fight."

"The first sip of real action usually leaves a bitter taste in your mouth." She murmured. "I'd be concerned if it didn't."

Oh. You glanced sidelong at her, studying her face. "Does it fade away after a while?" You questioned.

"Yes...and no." Cara seesawed her hand with a grimace. "Everyone reacts differently. Some people can process it, some people crush it down into a little ball until it explodes." She shrugged. "You never know." Her eyes focused on a point somewhere behind your left shoulder and she came to an abrupt halt. "Who…?"

You turned to follow her line of sight and your brow furrowed. It was not someone from the village, but it also didn't appear to be a Klatoonian. Not nearly bulky enough. The long-barreled rifle on their back caught your eye.

"Stay close, we're following them." Cara whispered, already stalking forward.

The two of you flitted from tree to tree, pursuing the oblivious figure. They had something in their hand, something that you could see blinking red every now and then, and they were heading towards the settlement at a steady pace.

They finally stopped at the edge of the treeline, slinging the rifle off of their back. It took them a few minutes to get set up, nimbly attaching a scope before hoisting the gun and beginning to calibrate the viewfinder.

Cara motioned for you to stay put, the soldier slinking ahead to the next tree. You had a death grip on your vibroblade, finger hovering over the button. A quiet, persistent beeping noise drew your attention and you searched for the source, locating it a second later in the form of a tracking fob attached to the person's hip. It blinked red and you realized that this person was a bounty hunter.

A bounty hunter. Did that mean they were after someone in the village?

A shot rang out and you cringed back against the tree, only realizing after a moment that it had been Dune who shot first. A commotion rose from the village, the sound of the blaster no doubt attracting the attention of anyone who heard it.

You rushed forward to Dune's side as she rolled the smoking body over with her boot. The fob on their belt continued to blink and beep softly even after she yanked it free. "Who were you tracking, buddy?" Cara mused aloud, very clearly unphased by the fact that she had just ended this individual's life. That made sense, though. How many times had she done this before?

You heard a rattling sound that seemed to be rapidly approaching from the direction of the village. Beskar. "Oh boy." You said weakly.

"What, what's-" Dune paused, obviously hearing the noise as well. "Oh. Well, brace for impact." She grimaced. "Mando drop inbound."

With a resounding crash! the Mandalorian stormed the treeline, not even bothering to break his stride so he could maneuver around the underbrush. He somehow exuded fury, his tense body language screaming danger danger danger!

Unconsciously, you shifted so Dune was between you and him. She shot you an amused glance, standing her ground with her arms crossed.

The armored man slowed only marginally once he appeared to notice the two of you, his shoulders slumping. "What happened?" He called, his voice rasping through his modulator.

"We caught a hunter." Cara replied, waving the tracking fob. "Fob doesn't sound like it's for you or me. Or for this lovely person who is currently cowering behind me." She ribbed you, making you huff in embarrassment and shuffle out from the safety of her shadow.

He obviously wasn't on the offensive anymore but Maker, he was terrifying when he was! The Mandalorian extended a hand to take the fob, moving in a slow circle and then halting when he faced the village. "It's for the kid. They're...they're after the kid." He gritted out a word you didn't know, "Osi'kyr," then dropped the fob on the ground and crushed it with one violent stomp. "I have to take him and leave." He said after a moment of staring down at the destroyed object.

"They'll keep coming?" Dune asked.

"Where there's one, there's more." The Mandalorian sighed heavily, "I know hunters." He pointed at you suddenly. "Choice?"

It took the barest split-second of thought. "I'm with you." You hesitated, then added, "I can help keep the baby safe."

"Good." He sounded like he was relieved, of all things. "We have to move fast."

Part Four

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #eventual romance #slow burn #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian spoilers #din djarin imagine #fight fight fight #I love me a good swing sesh #also dancing #who doesn't love dancing #pedro pascal

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kalivodas · 3 years

Note

ooo could you write a simon kalivoda x reader where they both admit their feelings for each other in the bathroom when they have to change into the lost and found clothes bc they might have sams blood on them?? idk i always felt bad that everybody had someone except for simon 😭

ONE TICKET TO POUND TOWN — SIMON KALIVODA

summary: as above

warning: heated make out sesh.

note: hi it’s me again <3 loving these requests btw and yes!! simon deserved someone too?? enjoy plz

SIMON KALIVODA WAS a walking paradox. He had been as long as you’d known him, which was a while, truth be told. You loved it, though. His contradictions, inability to put on eyeliner without you, and the fact that he always stole your clothes. He was easy to love. That’s how you’d fallen for him.

"Hey, you," he said, tossing a blue cardigan your way before he turned to Josh with a grin. "Kalivoda here, I don’t think we’ve got any brain activity left."

"Shut it, idiot," you retorted. Your hands roamed the sweater suspiciously. When the world was going to end, you didn’t have much of a choice wardrobe-wise, but you’d much rather die in the flannel Simon had. It looked less itchy.

Josh gave everyone’s clothes a once-over and nodded. He had an Iron Maiden shirt, lucky bastard. "Everyone make sure there’s no blood on them. And Be careful."

You nodded back at him. You’d known Deena awhile, therefore Josh awhile, and the kid was sweet — but gravely transparent.

Total loser. Who would ever sit like and pine over one of their closest friends?

Nevermind.

"Rub-a-dub-dub-time," Simon called, swinging his leg up to kick open the bathroom door, but Kate cleared her throat and you all turned to look at her.

You were right behind her, but impatient was sort of her middle name.

She turned with her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and said: "I don’t wanna go in by myself."

Mere inches away from saying, 'What am I? Chopped liver?' Simon wiggled his eyebrows at you, and slid an arm around your shoulders. "I've gotta pass up your offer, Schmidt. I’ve already got one ticket to pound town."

You elbowed him in the side, and Kate’s nose scrunched up as if she’d ever invite him.

Simon patted Josh on the back and whispered, "Good luck, lover boy," before ushering you inside the other bathroom.

"Sooo," Simon hummed. "Are you always this clueless, or is it only when we’re being chased by ghost killers?"

"One, shut up. Two, yeah, this is always."

He smiled.

You had been friends for years now, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary to change infront of each other, but not since you’d figured out you had a crush on him.

Because it was Simon. And you were best buds.

In fact, he’d already taken off his shirt and spun it around a few feet away.

It was fine. You could turn away from him and do the same thing. But back when everyone was scrambling to get away from Skull Mask, formerly Ryan, he’d traced Sam’s blood barf to your jeans, and practically snatched you to the ground. You’d taken a fairly decent hit to your shoulder, so raising your left arm straight up was out of the question.

They could always count on you to take a fucking hit in the middle of being chased by Sarah Fier’s goon squad.

"Simon?" You finally asked, glancing over to see him check his back for blood by flexing in the mirror.

"Hmm?"

"Well, when the gun show is over,"

He laughed.

"Could you maybe…"

Just ask him to help you get naked. No big deal.

"Oh shit, your shoulder, right?"

You nodded, and Simon shrugged lazily, a smirk coating his lips. "Jeez, if you wanted me to take your shirt off, all you had to do was ask."

Smacking his shoulder only made him laugh more, but he closed the distance between you in two lousy steps.

"Like this?"

You nodded, and his hands traced the hem of your shirt. His hands were warm, and they sent chill bumps down your sides.

Tossing the pullover into the burn-unless-you-want-a-hitman-after-you pile, his lips upturned again, but his cheeks were an unusual rosy color, and the bathroom wasn’t hot. The opposite, actually.

He cleared his throat, stepped back to the sink, and started unbuckling his pants.

He hadn’t slid the trousers all the way off yet, they were resting at his hip bones as he ran his arms under the water. You couldn’t help but watch him with your head tilted curiously. Not in a creepy manner, well kind of not, but by the fact that he’s gotten flustered by taking your shirt off. That wasn’t Simon.

Simon Kalivoda was the biggest flirt you’d ever known, he didn’t nearly break his neck trying to get away from shirtless girls.

He’d taken your shirt off.

He was blushing.

He had looked away and cleared his throat.

And you were ninety percent sure you wouldn’t make it through the night, so it was only right to—

Fuck it.

"Simon, kiss me."

"What?" His head had snapped back to meet your gaze, and you weren’t sure why’d you’d ever let him look away. God, his eyes were beautiful.

But now it was your turn to make his stomach turn. It was like everything had dissipated around you, it was only him. Just Simon, the boy you’d liked for so incredibly long. You took the two steps to close the gap between you, then continued.

"We can’t—," you said softly, hands tracing his bare biceps so you could pull him to you by your shoulders. "We can’t die before I get a chance to tell you that I’ve always wanted you to kiss me. But if you don’t want that, just tell me. But you also might— so if you do, Simon, kiss me."

And that’s all it took for him to push you two back into the cold bathroom wall, which made you shiver admittedly, but this was perfect and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you’d freeze to death before Ruby Lane got her blade back out.

His lips were like his hands, warm and soft and inviting, and it only took the invite of your mouth parting for his tongue to glide across yours.

And this is the moment you'd always been waiting for. Because Simon Kalivoda was kissing you. Over and over, only taking short breaks to catch a breath before he pressed his mouth against you again.

But he tasted like the boy you’d grown up with. Especially that damn cherry chapstick he insisted on reapplying every two minutes.

"Simon," you said quietly, between the same gasps he’d just fought to catch.

If Tommy Slater, burlap bag and axe in hand, barged in, you would die of embarrassment before he could slash you to pieces.

He paused, still grinning like an idiot, and used those same warm hands to push hair out of your face. And then he whispered back —a small murmur of your name— and you wanted to grab his face and kiss him senseless. Again.

"Let me talk, Kalivoda."

And boy, did you have his attention.

He was still mindlessly tracing your jaw, neck, and collarbones, and finally, the pendant hanging from your neck. You knew the memory as well as he did — he’d handed you the silver piece when you were fifteen, and you’d taken it off a total of six times since.

"You’re not talking," he muttered, and your lips pressed together to suppress a smile.

You ran a hand through his hair softly, and said, "Yeah, I know." Swallowing any pride left in your throat, you proceeded.

"You are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. You understand that, right?"

Simon nodded. "You too. I’d never share the blue gushers with anyone else."

"Okay…that means if we live through this, you have to give me all of them, agreed?"

"Only if you kiss me again," he said.

"Deal."

You’d already snaked your hands around Simon, pulling him as close to you as you could. This moment wouldn’t last forever, you knew that, but for a second, it felt like if you held each other close enough, nothing could happen.

As his tongue ran across the peak of your lips, you felt your knees tremble below you, but he carefully swiped your legs up to intertwine at his waist.

He kissed you like the first time, attentive and slow, but as your hands bunched in the wildness of Simon’s hair, he pressed his mouth against your neck and traced back to your jaw before his mouth found yours again.

Gently, your teeth sunk into his bottom lip as you pulled away from the kiss to catch your breath.

His face at that moment was something you’d never forget — hazed eyes, a lazy grin, lips parted in revelation. Because damn, you tasted better than ecstasy.

But you’d have to take a picture later, you decided, when a door in the distance creaked loudly.

"Forgot we had henchmen," he said, allowing you to stand back on two feet.

"I tend to have that effect on people," you replied.

You gave each other once-overs, guaranteeing there was absolutely no trace of Sam’s blood, then pulled on your lost and found clothes with the exception that you and Simon traded shirts. It was only right.

There was no avoidance to swollen lips or the scent of almost-sex, but you smoothed down your hair. It’d work.

He planted one more kiss on your lips before pulling the bathroom door open, then pushed his hand into yours and led you back down the school hallway.

His hand was still lazily tracing circles on your palm when the girl’s bathroom door opened, and Kate and Josh walked out looking almost as bad as you two.

"No way…" Simon said.

Kate adjusted her blazer. "Calm down. It was— It was barely first base." Josh had a proud sort of little smile on his lips, and you giggled.

Lovebirds.

When Deena and Sam joined you looking thoroughly sexed up, you poked Simon in the side, but he was already ten steps ahead.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," he continued. "Did you… all go to pound town?"

Simon pressed his hand to his chest sheepishly, and gave a cute sort of wry smile.

"Me too!"

#simon kalivoda #fear street #fear street 1994 #fear street x reader #simon kalivoda x reader #sam and deena #josh and kate #kate fear street #simon fear street #josh fear street #fluff #fred hechinger

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emf005 · 3 years

Text

I'm Trying

Here is my weekly post! I hope you guys enjoy, this is a personal fave of mine. Please let me know what you think of it! I love to get feedback!

Marauders Era

Sirius Black x Fem! Reader, Remus x Twin sister! Reader. Marauders x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mini make out sesh, sort of self harm, fear

You stole a piece of chocolate from your stash. You always had a secret stash in case you brother, Remus, ever ran out before the full moon. But you also had a bit of a sweet tooth yourself. Well, you could call it more than that actually. See, while your brother was a full werewolf, you were about half, but he didn’t know that. If he knew that he would actually lose it. The only person who knew was Lily, and she had found out by accident.

So, while your brother would always turn into a werewolf on full moons, you only sometimes did. You also got mood swings to the max. But no one ever questioned it because they assumed it was just girl stuff. And the four boys you hung out with, no matter how close you were, didn’t really want to strike up a conversation about that. Ever.

You see, your turning started your second year at Hogwarts. You woke in the forbidden Forest feeling like you had been hit with a ten ton bus. You put two and two together and started to ask Lily’s friend, Severus, if he could brew you a potion in secret. So I guess you could say two people knew. But it wasn’t like Severus would tell on you. You were always nicer to him than your friends were and he seemed to appreciate that. So, he always made you a potion while slughorn made Remus his.

James often asked why you never joined them. While your brother couldn;t become an animagus, you could for some odd reason. You turned into a small black and white ferret, while your brother couldn;t change at all. You felt bad, it was your fault he was like this, and despite his countless times he had told you it wasn’t your fault you both knew it was. But everytime James would ask Remus would answer for you.

“I don;t want her out there. I’m her brother. It's my job to protect her. I wouldn;t be able to live with myself if I accidentally did something to her.” You always clenched your jaw at his response. He still saw you as a little kid, despite being his twin. You couldn’t stand it!

You never thought anyone noticed these secret feelings you held against your brother. Oh how you were wrong. Sirius Black always noticed when Remus would say something to upset you. And he was always the one there for you. See, despite his liking for it, he had caught feelings for you. He thought he could trample them by asking out every girl in the school, but that only seemed to make his want for you grow. But he never said anything. You were his best friend’s twin sister. It was just wrong, no matter how strongly he felt for you.

The full moon was coming up again soon, and you ran down the hall to see your brother and friends waiting for you. Remus looking in his bag frantically.

“Hey, guys!” You smiled with fake cheer. You felt awful today, but you couldn;t let anyone see that. They might grow suspicious of your secret. “What's wrong, Rem?”

“He didn’t restock his backpack again with chocolate.” Peter squeaked. Remus threw him a dirty glance before rooting through his bag again. You internally groaned. You always had a stash in your bag, and you really needed it today. But, you were his sister. Sacrifices must be made. You slung your bag around and grabbed your whole stash and filled his bag with it. You even let him finish the one you had been munching on, much to your disappointment.

“Thank you, Y/N/N,” he said, stuffing the chocolate bar in his mouth. You just smiled at him and put your head down and clutched your messenger bag harder. White knuckling the strap. God, you wanted to rip the chocolate out of his mouth and just eat it. But no. You were a fucking good sister. And a fucking good sister you would stay.

Classes were a pain all day, especially with the smell of chocolate enveloping you every time Remus would open a new package. You had broken four quills by lunch and they were all joking about it.

You all headed out of your final class and down to the great hall, like you normally did. BUt Remus seemed to be in an even worse mode. You were glad he had the chocolate, he might’ve actually murdered someone. You, on the other hand, were so close to murder, but you had to keep that damn smile on and your shirt pulled up high onto your shoulder tightly, despite the heat. That's where Greyback had gotten you. Just a nip on the shoulder before remus thought it was a good idea to attempt to hit him with a chair. Key word, attempt.

Remus was on the end of the line bsides you. Some slytherin accidently knocked into him and he let out a growl as he kept walking and talking to the Huffelpuff. Here we go.

“You got a problem?” He whipped around, staring at the boy clad in green robes. The boy looked at him confused. You recognize him. Your year, Jacob Jemesky. One of the cutest boys in your year. I mean, his eyes alone were perfect enough.

“I’m sorry?” He asked. You put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.

“Rem,” but he shook you off and walked up to the boy.

“I said, you got a problem, Snake?”Your eyes widened and you became red faced. You walked over to him and pulled him away from the Slytherin, shoving him to SIrius and James who held him back and tried to get hima away from the situation.

“I am so sorry about that, Jacob, right?” You nodded a smile on his lips.

“Yeah. And no worries. Your, Y/N, right?” You blushed slightly.

“Yeah. Its nice to finally meet you. We’ve shared a few classes I think.” He nodded before his eyes flashing back to your brother.

“Is he alright? I really didn’t mean to-”

“He’s fine. Trust me. He just gets moody from here and there. I think its like a twin thing between me and him, knowing when one is going to have a bad day and all.” He nodded.

“Well, I have to get going, but I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He waved and started to leave.

“See you around!” You waved back. Your smile dropped as soon as he turned the corner. You took a few deep breaths and walked over to your brother who was still trying to get out of James and Siris’ grips. “You two can let go now.” The boys did as you said but were ready to grab him at any second.

“What the hell was that for, Y/N?” He shouted at you, making your back straighten, ready to take it all. He just had to yell at someone sometimes, and the majority of the time it was you.

“He didn’t do it on purpose, Rem. You know that. You just need to calm down for a second, ok?”

“Calm down? I am calm!” James went to say something but you just shook your head at him. You weren’t going to let them take any of this heat.

“Rem, you're really not. Please just-”

“Don;t tell me what to do, Y/N! I am sick of you trying to constantly manage every little thing that I do. You can’t even begin to understand what I go through! You have no right to tell me to calm down. Or to tell me what I am and what I’m not. You know why? Because I am a fucking werewolf becuase of you,” every bit of air was sucked out of the empty corridor. Luckily empty. But he didn’t stop there. “I took that bite for you! We both know it was your fault! You were too naive to even think for a second that it wasn;t smart to go outside that early in the morning when the moon was still out! It was all yoru fucking fault! So don;t tell me what to do, or how to feel or any of that, because this is all happening because of you!”

You stood frozen as his breath calmed. You had tears slipping down your cheeks which was a strange sight for everyone in your friend group. Yo never cried. But hearing Remus admit that it was your fault, you couldn’t handle it anymore. The dam just broke. You swallowed, trying to get the lump in your throat away.

“Are you better, Remus?” He just stared at you, his eyes turning from rage to fear as he heard what he had said and how you referred to him as Remus and not Rem or bro or some stupid nickname you had given him. You smiled sadly and wiped a tear away. “I’m glad. I’m glad that finally admitting the truth makes you feel better.” You turned and started to walk down the hall only to stop and look over your shoulder. “You know. I just have to say this because I have for a while now. I have always tried my best to be there for you. Always tried to be patient. Always tried to take care of you when you wouldn’t let me do more. And also, I’m not the bloody moron who hit Fenrir Greyback with a chair and didn’t have the arm strength for it and ended up falling out a window!” You spit at him before walking down the hallway, tears streaming down your face at this point.

Remus opened his mouth to call after you, but he saw Sirius bolting after you instead. He had fucked up majorly. He knew it. James took him by the shoulder and directed him towards the Great Hall. James being the only one who knew of Sirius’ crush on you and knowing that Sirius would be able to calm you down better than any of them. And if he couldn’t, then Remus had just gotten himself into a deep deep deep hole.

You sat in the small alcove you had found your first year. It was in a secluded part of the courtyard, only your lily and Sirius knew about it. Which sucked because they knew exactly where to look for you.

Your head was in your knees and silent tears continued to pour down your face and on your knees. You didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to feel. You just didn’t know.

“Y/N?” You looked up to see Sirius standing by the entrance of the alcove. He had pushed aside the vines that hid you from view and was watching you, waiting to see what you would do. You sat up quickly and brushed the tears aside, smiling at him.

“Hey, Sirius,” your voice cracked and you cringed. He gave you a small pitiful smile and made you move over so he was sitting next to you. “Is he ok?”

“He will be,” you sighed and rubbed your hands over your face.

“I shouldn’t have stormed off. Or said any of that,” Sirius frowned.

“You know Moony is my best friend, but he started that argument.”

“Yeah but with the full moon coming up… he’s just on edge, and I know that. And he was right, I just didn’t expect him to say it like that. I over reacted.”

“You were just helping out a Slytherin, who you obviously like,” he hit your shoulder and you laughed, you felt your shirt fall down a bit off your shoulder but didn;t go to move it.

“I just find him attractive. That was the first time I've talked to him.” Sirius smiled through his pain and laughed with you. His eyes fell to your shoulder for a moment and he froze.

“Y/N/N, what happened?” He questioned looking at the small mark that the werewolf had left all those years ago. Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled your sleeve back up and cleared your throat standing.

“No-nothing. Um… I-I have to-to… uh.. To go. I’ll-I’ll see you, Sirius. Thank you,” you scurried out of alcove and dashed through the halls. You knew you couldn’t avoid him for long. I mean, the four of them had the marauders map, they would find you anywhere you went. You walked into the Great Hall, thankful to see Lily sitting by James. “Lily!” She looked over at you and her smile fell when she saw the state you were in. She excused herself and came running up to you, leading you out the Hall and to your room.

“Are you ok? James told me the blow out-”

“Sirius saw the scar,” you interrupted her. She froze.

“Does he know?” You shook your head.

“No. But I know he’s going to question me as soon as I’m alone. I just didn't want that to happen.”

“Not yet, you mean.”

“Ever.” She sighed, but didn’t push the subject. She was adamant that you should tell the boys about your… condition. You were adamant that you keep it to yourself, forever.. The fights between you and your twin would get worse, and you couldn’t let that happen.

Sirius walked into the Great Hall, scanning the Gryffindor table for you, he came up empty. He sat down, but kept searching the hall and glancing at the doors every now and then.

“What wrong, Mate?” James asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. Even Remus was eating, slowly, but eating.

“Nothing,” he mumbled and took a banana from the table. If you acted like that around him when he saw that scar, he could only imagine you didn’t want anyone else knowing about it. “Do you have the map?” James nodded and handed over the map from his pocket.

Quickly, Sirius unfolded it and searched for your name. You were in the girls dormitory with Lily. His leg started to bounce while he considered going after you. He could always ask Lily if he could have a second with you. He just wanted to make sure you were alright. You seemed really upset when you stormed out.

Had you always worn long sleeves of some sort?

He handed the map back to James before standing up and heading towards the Gryffindor dorms. Maybe he could lure you out with some chocolate. He knew you were addicted to the stuff, practically eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but you always gave your stash to your brother. Some days he wished you wouldn’t. Just because he noticed how you would stiffen at the smell of it, or when you heard a wrapper from your stash being un-did. He knew Remus needed it, but it seemed like you sometimes needed it just as much as he did.

He bumped into LIly in the common room, he opened his mouth but she held up a hand to silence him.

“Listen, I know you want to check on her. But she isn’t in the best state right now. Especially if you are going to be questioning her about what you saw.”

“I just want to make sure she’s alright. I won’t question her about it.” Lily bit her lip and thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. You had given the last of your chocolate stash to Remus the other day and were in desperate need. But she didn’t want to leave you alone with Sirius in the dorm. He knew how to get into the girl’s dormitory, no shock there, but seldom did it. And normally only did it to bug the hell out of you.

“I’m sorry. It really isn’t the best decision. I have to run out and get her more chocolate from the kitchens, the house elves keep a stash for her down there. Please, don’t go in.”

“I can grab some from Remus’ stash,” he offered. But she shook her head.

“Where do you think the rest of her stash went?” Lily smiled and left. Sirius sat down on one of the couches, his leg bouncing aggressively again. He knew he shouldn’t go into your dorm room. He really shouldn’t. But, the thing is, that only made him want to more.

“Lily?” He heard your voice and looked up and saw you on the staircase, looking worse for wear. Your eyes met his and you froze, visibly freezing.

“Hey,” he scrambled to his feet, but didn’t move towards you.

“H-Hey,” you stuttered, your eyes still locked on him.

“I-uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. Why wasn;t he good at being sincere like this? “I came to check on you. See if you were alright.” You eyed him cautiously.

“Uh. Yeah. I-I’m fine.I-uh-well, I can’t exactly explain-” He shook his head.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, but I should. It was rude. And I still haven’t apologized to Rem,” you sighed and sat down on the stair, putting your head in your hands again. He slowly walked over and sat next to you, not talking. He just put his arm around your shoulders. You turned your head into him and he rested his chin on your head.

“You ok?” You let out a breathy laugh. And shook your head.

“Not really.”You heard the clock chime and knew Lily had gone to class and purposefully left you with Sirius, knowing of your… fondness... of him. Damn, you really needed chocolate. “Don’t you have to get to class?” He chuckled.

“When have I ever been on time?” You laughed, knowing how true his statement was. Only when he walked with you was he ever early or on time. Unless it was for transfigurations. He would stand outside the door until class was five minutes in before walking in dramatically, interrupting the entire class, and taking a seat next to you. Mcgonagall would huff in annoyance, but you knew she didn’t hate it. You also knew she knew what he didn everyday and never made any course of action to change it.

“Good point. But we are supposed to have transfiguration now. Don't you think Mcgonagall will miss you?”

“I bet she wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

Meanwhile in transfiguration:

“Ok, Black will be walking through the doors in three, two, one,” Mcgonagall kept talking but looked at the doors and waited for them to bang open with Sirius. Nothing happened. She began to sweat. “Where is he? What is he getting himself into? Did he die? Did someone else accidentally die and he is hiding the body?”

Back to the common room:

“Besides, I think you need a friend right now.” You smiled and nodded. “And chocolate.”

“Did I just get compared to chocolate?” He joked.

“You should be honored. I think very highly of chocolate. In my opinion it's better than christmas.” He laughed.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Christmas comes once a year, chocolate is a year long thing.” he laughed again, and you smiled, proud that you could make him laugh like that. Then your smile faded as you thought if his girlfriend made him laugh like that.

It's not like you would ever date him. You might have a crush on him, but you not only had to keep your secret a secret, but he was also your twin brother’s friend. You couldn’t do that.

“We better get to class.” you lifted your self off him, both of you immediately missing the other person’s body heat. “Mcgongall probably thinks you killed someone.” he gave you a small smile as you ran up to your room to grab your bag. He grabbed his from the couch where he had set it. He slung it over his shoulder and you came running down the stairs, skipping the last four. “Ready?” You asked, your normal smile on your face. He smirked.

“Talking to me for a few minutes put that smile on your face?” He teased as you made your way out of the portal.

“No, I found a few bars of chocolate under my bed.” You said happily, pulling two bars out of your pocket. He rolled his eyes as you opened one and handed it to him. He stared at it for a moment before taking it.

“You don’t want it?”

“I might’ve found four and ate two while coming down the stairs.” He laughed and took a bite of his. You unwrapped yours and started eating away at it. You two made your way into Mcgonagall’s class, Sirius banging the door open.

“Minnie! Did you miss me?” He shouted. You shook your head and laughed as Mcgonagall just stared daggers at him. The class erupted into laughter, but stifled it at one glare from the professor.

“Mr. Black. How kind of you to join us. Same goes for you as well, Miss. Lupin,” her gaze was less harsh on you, but you still blushed and put your head down. You two slid into your seats and began to take notes. Luckily it had been a review day. And Sirius was a master at transfigurations, so he would help you after class since it, ironically, wasn’t your best subject(And by that I mean you were still a crazy master, just not your best class).

You two spent the lesson showing the other students up as you easily changed everything and answered questions correctly. Lily was even struggling a bit at the rate you and Sirius were commenting. Of course, yours were more sincere than Sirius’ sarcastic answers (that were always correct in some sense) but you two still ruled the lesson.

You all left the lesson, you headed down to the dungeons for potions with Remus and James while Peter, Sirius and Lily went to divinations. It was a tense silence, you walking ahead of the boys with your head down and your books pressed against your chest. James joined you in front which you were grateful for, but you knew he was trying to get you to talk to Remus. You just needed a little while, and you told him as much. He just nodded and continued walking with you to potions. You sat towards the back of the class and left Remus and James to sit in your usual spots. Someone sat besides you and you were about to ask them to move when you noticed it was Jacob.

“Hey!” You smiled kindly at the slytherin sitting beside you.

“Hi. I forgot we shared this class. You don’t mind if I?” You shook your head.

“No, of course not.” He smiled.

“You're normally sitting next to Lupin and Potter, right?”

“Yeah. Remus is my twin and we kind of just got the same group of friends. Surprising, right?" You chuckled and he chuckled with you. Slughorn began to teach and the two of you went to work on the assignment together. It wasn't a hard potion today. At least for you it wasn’t. Potions was your best class, although Slughorn was a terrible teacher. Well, it actually wasn't your best subject. That was defense against the dark arts. Potions was a close second.

"Alright class, for your next assignment you will be working with the person at your table for. You will be brewing and writing on a potion I will randomly select for each of you," you looked over at Jacob with a smile.

"Looks like we're partners," you beamed. He smiled back excitedly.

"Looks like it, Lupin. I'll start cleaning up, why don't you go up and get our assignment?" He suggested. You nodded and headed to the front, meeting James on the way.

"You and Jacob?"

"Yeah. He's pretty good at it, so whatever potion we get should be a piece of cake." You smiled up at him. He only offered you a small one in return, making you falter in confusion.

What was that about?

He went back to his table with your brother and you walked up to Slughorn.

"Ah, miss. Lupin! I was surprised to see you not with your brother."

"We had a bit of a disagreement earlier. I'm Jacobs' partner. What potion would you like us to complete?" He looked at you for a moment before his face lit up with an idea.

"How about amortentia? Yes, that would suit you two nicely,” he declared. You rolled your eyes. That was the cheesiest potion he could have given you.

“Sounds great, professor! I’ll tell Jacob and we’ll get to work on it right away,” you turned and sulked back to your table. He noticed the look on your face.

“What did he give us?”

“Amortentia.” Jacob rolled his eyes.

“Honestly? How many times has he given that out to students, can’t he be the least bit more creative?” You chuckled and grabbed your bag from the back of your chair and clung it over your shoulder before gathering your notebook.

“I completely agree. So, how about we meet in the library tomorrow to start on the paper and divy up the work?”

“Sounds good to me!” He smiled as you two walked out of the classroom, chatting a bit more as you left. You were so caught up in your conversation with Jacob you missed a black haired boy waiting for the three of you. He was leaning up against the wall, as he normally did, with his hands in his pockets and his bag by his one foot. The sight of you walking out with Jacob made him freeze and just stop breathing all together.

James and Remus followed the two of you out a few seconds later, not paying any attention to what was going on with you as you laughed at something he had said. You were just standing in the middle of the hallway. What was that about?

“Sirius!” He snapped out of his trance when James’ voice cut through the air.

“Mmh?” He looked at Remus and James, who both had a worried look on their faces.

“You ok? You zoned out for about four minutes straight.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s your sister doing hanging out with that Slytherin you told to piss off earlier?” Remus whipped around and stared at you as you laughed again, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the Slytherin boy. He was the reason you two were fighting in the first place. That was a lie and Remus knew it, but that didn’t mean he had to admit it.

”She’s partnered with him for the project,” James clarified, causing both Sirius and Remus to look at him.

“He sat beside her,” Remus practically growled, tossing another glance as you waved goodbye to him and he did the same.

“What did you expect when she didn’t want to sit by us? He obviously took a liking to her earlier in the hall.”

“Why didn’t she sit by you?” Sirius asked. “You two didn’t make up yet?” Remus grumbled something that no one could hear, but they didn’t really care. You started walking over, ignoring your brother’s presence all together.

“Hey, Sirius. Hey James. Ready to head to dinner?” It was quiet for a few seconds, Remus just staring at you.

“Yeah,” James finally broke the silence. “Lets-uh-let's get to dinner. Quickly.” He took you by your shoulder and started to rush you to the dining hall.

Nothing improved over the week. The full moon was coming closer, making both you and Remus even more on edge. The two of you had attempted to make up, but that just resulted in another, bigger, blow out. James and Peter had to hold Remus back as Sirius and Lily had to hold you back. Both of you were about to pumble each other. You finally threw a very nasty statement at him before storming up to your common room. In your defense he deserved it.

You started to distance yourself from all the Marauders, even Lily in some ways as you focused on your studies. You met Jacob in the library every day to work on your potion’s assignment, which seemed to get Sirius and Remus both in a twist, though one was better at hiding it than the other. That was when the third blow up happened. The day of the full moon.

“I can’t believe you are hanging around that Slytherin.” Remus spit out to you as you were all sitting in the common room before lunch. It was Saturday and none of you felt much like going outside since you would be out all night.

“Excuse me?” You asked with raised eyebrows, putting the book you were studying out of down.

“You heard me.”

“I did, and since when have you cared? Not like you've been in my life much,” you spat. He clenched his jaw and stared at you, all of your friends ready to jump in case you got into another fight.

“Since it's a blasted Sytherin.”

“That's not even a fair judgment. Have you ever even talked to him?”

“Why would I? A pretty boy pure blood who comes from a rich family?” he scoffed. “Sounds like a fun time.” You bristled.

“You just described Sirius!” You yelled. You turned to Sirius. “No offense, of course,” he held up his hands.

“You called me pretty, I’m happy.” You rolled your eyes at him, not helping the butterflies in your stomach when he said that.

“Yeah, but he isn’t a Slytherin!”

“You're condemning all Slytherins to being evil now?”

“Aren’t they?” you were both on your feet now, causing everyone else to join you.

“No you ignoramus! And if you could see two inches past your fucking nose, then you would know that!”

“Name one person other than your precious boyfriend!”

“Slughorn!”

“Bet you can;t do it again.” He challenged. You sneered.

“Snape!” He laughed.

“Really? Him? You decide that he is not evil? Have you seen him?”

“Have you looked in the mirror much? You aren’t the model yourself!” He sneered.

“How about you?”

“What about me?:”

“You look as bad as I do, dare I say worse! And your chocolate consumption has become twenty times it normally is! Now you are hanging around a Slytherin and constantly fighting with me!”

“Me-” you laughed harshly and dramatically. Making it sound almost hysterical and mad. “Your the one who picks the fucking fight everytime!”

“Becuase you make stupid descions!”

“Like hitting a beast in the back with a chair from the top of a two story house?”

“Y/N,” Lily warned from beside you.

“To only save your arse from becoming what I am!”

“Yeah, well, bang up job, Remus Lupin! A for effort I suppose!”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Silencio!” Lily yelled, pointing her wand at you. You yelled a string of curses at her and your brother before storming out of the common area. She shot Remus a glare, something that didn’t happen often.

“You know, she’s going to Hogsmead with him next weekend. I suggest you get your act together before then and actually support something your sister is doing before you remove her from your life completely,” she hissed and chased after you. All the boys were frozen from, not only Lily’s scolding, but the fact that you were going to Hogsmead with him. Sirius felt ill and just stood in place, frozen.

“Great,” James mumbled. “They’re both broken now. At least we are ok, Peter,” He looked over to where Peter had been standing. Now the boy was passed out on the ground. James sighed and shook his head. “Never mind.”

Lily found you in your normal spot, silently crying to yourself. She removed the spell and your sobs were so loud she almost silenced you again. She sat down besides you, but you made no move to put your head on her shoulder like you normally did.

She knew you didn’t want to talk to her right now. She knew it was Sirius that you wanted to speak to, but you had just announced that you were going to Hogsmead with Jacob. Sirius was trying to get over that fact.

“We should probably go meet Sev,” she murmured in your ear. “The potion will make you feel better.” You just shook your head and tried to catch your breath.

“I-I’m fine. I just… I just need a minute.”

“You are going to hate me for saying this, but you need to make up with your brother and tell Sirius how you feel. You made it seem like you and Jacob were going on a date when you know that's not what's happening.” She scolded. You nodded your head, not being able to catch your breath from how hot you were, especially with all the clothes you had on.

“Can-can you help me get the jacket off? Please?” She nodded and started to pull at the sleeve, revealing an arm full of scars. You pulled the other sleeve off, prevailing a second arm full of scars. Your breathing slowed and you were finally able to catch your breath.

You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t let anything slip. They-they don;t know anything, right?”

“I almost let you. But that wasn’t the right way to do it.” You nodded gratefully, tracing some of the scars on your arm. You were more on edge today, but, for once, you don;t think chocolate would help. But that was only because of Remus’ comment earlier.

“We should probably get your potion from Sev. I have a feeling tonight's going to be one of your… worse… ones.” You nodded, feeling it too. This wasn;t just going to be an irritating night, this was going to be a full on transformation.

“I’ll have to tie myself down in the Room of Requirement tonight,” you nodded, agreeing.

“I don’t see why you tie yourself down. You take the potion.”

“What if it doesn’t work one night? You are going to have a second werewolf around and on the grounds. It's better if I just tie myself up and be prepared.” She sighed, knowing you wouldn’t see reason in this.

“Will you at least let me be in there with you?”

“Merlin, Lily! No! Are you mad?”

“Remus at least has-”

“And Remus is a normal werewolf. I am not. Something could go wrong at any moment and I am not letting anyone get remotely close to me. You know that!”

“I’m just saying-”

“No!” her eyes widened as you snapped at her. “It's not happening, so stop asking,” you stood up and walked out of the alcove in a huff, leaving her slightly stunned, your jacket sitting where you had once occupied. She thought about going after you and giving it back, but maybe this was what you needed. Someone else to know your secret.

You realized too late that you had forgotten your jacket and turned around to get it when you heard Sirius.

“Y/N! Wait a minute!” You froze before bolting in the direction towards the alcove you knew your jacket would be in. “Y/N!” He called after you again, his voice getting closer. You pushed yourself to run faster, only making you trip over your feet in the process and tumble to the ground with a cry. You were so close to your jacket. But Sirius caught up and froze when he saw your arms. His mouth opened and closed quickly.

You grabbed him and shoved him into an empty classroom, locking the door behind you and turning back to him. He was still staring at your arms and you sighed in frustration, letting a long string of profanities fall from your lips and you paced the room, pulling the skin from your lips, trying to figure out what to do.

You could obliviate him. Of course, that wasn’t the best course of action. You really didn’t want to obliviate your best friend. While you were thinking he came back to his senses.

“Y/N?”

“Mh?” You hummed, still thinking about what to do. He grabbed you and turned you towards him.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?” His eyes scanned your arms.

“What happened?” You bit your lip and continued to pull it apart with your teeth. WHat could you tell him? “Y/N?”

“You're gonna kill me,” you mumbled and closed your eyes moving away from him and running your hand over your face.

“I-I won’t. Just-”

“I can’t, Sirius. I can’t tell you.” You looked back towards him with nothing but sorrow in your eyes. “I’m sorry. I just can’t tell you.” Then the pieces fit together. Your mood swings during the full moons, you always carrying chocolate and your ears always perking when you heard the wrapper. The way you “just knew” when someone was close by or something was headed your way.

“Please don’t tell me-”

“Please don’t worry about it,” you begged.

“I am staring at your scared arms. How am I not supposed to worry about it?” He raised his voice. It wasn’t a yell, but it still made you flinch. He noticed and lowered his voice again. “Y/N, I need you to tell me the truth here,” you looked down and he walked closer to you. Careful steps. Very careful steps. “That night Remus got turned into a werewolf, did he-” you nodded. Tears welling in your eyes. “But you can transform into an animagus.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“I’m not a full one. I get testy around the full moon, but don’t always turn. And I carry the chocolate for Remus, mostly.” He shook his head.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because Remus has it ten times worse than me. Please don’t tell him,” you begged.

“Don’t tell him? How am I supposed to not tell him?”

“By keeping your mouth shut?” You attempted the joke, but he just shook his head at you. “Please. I am begging you, Sirius. I really need to meet Sev and I need my jacket an-”

“Snape?” You looked away and bit your lip. “Why do you…”

“He’s the best one at potions in our year. He was the only one who can, well, you know.”

“That's why you protected him when Remus said that stuff about Slytherins.”

“He’s helped me out since second year. And with all the turmoil happening between me and everyone, tonights going to be bad. I really need to get the potion off him. Like now. Please, I will tell you everything later, just please let me go and please don’t tell Remus.” His leg bounced as he stared at you from the table he sat down at. He shrugged off his own jacket and threw it over your shoulders.

“Get your potion. I expect everything to be explained tomorrow and I will not tell your brother, yet.” You smiled and hugged him, throwing your arms around his neck.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.” You mumbled into his neck as he hugged you back.

“Yeah yeah. Just be careful, ok?” he set you firmly on the ground again. “Promise me.” You nodded and slid your hands through the arm holes of his jacket. It was far too big for you, but you didn’t really care. First off because it was hiding your scars. Second off, you had Sirius Black’s jacket on, and that may or may not have made your heart beat out of your chest. And then if you add the way he was looking at you on top of that, you were dead.

“I promise. Thank you, Sirius. You are a life saviour.” You left the room and he stood staring at that door, cursing himself and needed to find Lily, pronto.

“Evans!” He yelled into the great hall where the red head was sitting. She looked over at him with an eye roll, but then noticed his serious expression. Which was, ironically, something he rarely had on his face. She stood up and scurried over to him and he pulled her out of the great hall. “You knew, didn;t you? About Y/N.” She shrugged, guilty.

“She made me swear to secrecy. Do you know where she went? She got mad at me and stomped off without her jacket. I’m assuming you-”

“Saw her hundreds of scars? Yes.”

“She showed you all of them” She creased her eyebrows and his eyes narrowed.

“All? Where is all?” Lily swallowed.

“Everywhere?” His eyes flickered down the hall, almost as if he were looking for you.

“Why does she have more than Remus?”

“Her body heals differently and she didn’t have the ointment he gets from the hospital wing, despite my persistent begging for her to get it.”

“Does her boyfriend know about this?”

“Her what?”

“Jacob. The Slytherin.”

“Sirius, they aren’t dating.”

“But he’s taking her to Hogsmead.”

“To help him pick out a gift for his little sister’s birthday. I said that in the heat of the moment. She was pissed at Remus. Please, don’t make her feel worse about keeping this a secret. And no, she just met him a week ago. She’s known Remus since she was born and you since everywhere in between.” Sirius looked down the hall again before back at Lily.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Do not tell Remus until after the full moon tonight. They are both on edge and it's not going to be a pretty fight.” Sirius nodded, recalling how badly he had wanted to yell at her for not telling them about this.

“Anything else?”

“Go easy on her. It had to of taken a lot of guts not to obliviate you on the spot.” Sirius nodded, knowing she had contemplated it for a split second.

“Yeah, ok. I can do that.”

“Thank you, Sirius. You're a good friend.” He scoffed.

“Tell that to Mooney when he’s beating the daylights out of me.” Lily put a hand on his shoulder before disappearing back into the Great Hall. “He’s gonna kill me for this,” Sirius mumbled before following her into the hall.

You had just finished tying the ropes onto your arms. They were charmed so no matter what tugged at them they would hold you in place until the full moon was over. You had tied them extra tight tonight for precaution. Lily walked in with her arms full of chocolate and some other food for before and after the full moon.

“Do you have to tie them so tight?”

“Yes,” You grunted as you pulled one more time to triple check if they were tight enough.

“Sirius pulled me aside today,” she hummed slightly and took a seat in front of you on the floor. You glanced at his jacket.

“Speaking of,” you said before she could say anything. “Can you return his jacket? I don’t want it to get ruined or anything and I didn’t see him before I came here.”

“You didn;t see him because you didn’t want to. You can’t avoid him or telling our friends about this.”

“Yeah, but I can put it off for as long as possible.” She shook her head at you.

“You are unbelievable.”

“Yep. Can you pass some chocolate over please.” She started to grab it but you changed your mind. “Actually, just hand me the grapes.” She paused and looked up at you.

“Is this about what Remus said?” You looked away from her. “Y/N/N. Is this about what Remus said?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“He didn’t mean-”

“Yeah he did. My brother may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. Especially during a full moon.”

“Well, I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“I’m pretty sure he did.” She just shook her head and handed you the chocolate which you reluctantly (not really) took and began to devour.

“You should get out of here, Lily. It’ll be starting in a little.”

“You took the potion?” You nodded and gestured to an empty vile a few feet away from you. She picked it up and gathered Sirius’s coat. “Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks again, Lily. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” And then she left, leaving you to munch on chocolate in the deafening silence. Counting the seconds until it would begin.

Lily stepped through the doors and back into the hallway, she looked at Sirius who was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

“I’m going to murder Remus later,” she grumbled and walked down the hall. Sirius jogged after her.

“Why?”

“Here’s your jacket. You know that comment he made about her eating a lot of chocolate?” Sirius took his jacket back and nodded. “She took it to heart and doesn’t want to eat it any more. Well, as much as she normally does. And it makes her feel as close to as hundred percent as she can get around this time.” Sirius frowned. “You know, she cares so much about Remus, and I really don’t think he gets that,” Lily shook her head.

“I think you may be right,” Sirius mumbled and looked back down the hallway the two of them had just come from.

You woke on the floor in the Room. The floor was ice cold and your clothes were in shreds and were hanging onto your body loosely. You were bleeding here and there and sat back, rubbing the back of your neck you groan. You could see the sun was rising from the window the room always provided you.

You glanced at the pile of chocolate and went to get it before you untied yourself but stopped. No. You didn’t need anything right now. You’d be fine.

You undid the rope on your arms and legs. You held your wrists carefully, they were bruised and splattered with dry blood from you tugging at them and flinched every time you ran your hand over an open cut.

Shaking yourself, you stood up and grabbed a fresh set of clothes and your “Journal”. After every full moon you would write down what you remembered, just to get it out of your head. You never talked about it, like your brother did. He really didn;t have to, but you knew that he always needed to get it out to. So instead of making his friends hear it since they were already there with him, he told you.

You quickly rinsed the blood off yourself to the best of your ability until you could take a shower, and tossed on a pair of oversized sweatpants and a tank top with a jacket. The room had provided you with a couch, which you gratefully took with a book, your journal, and some of the non-chocolate food Lily had brought with her yesterday. It would be a while until you would be mentaly fine enough to leave.

Remus was in the medical wing sleeping, three of the four boys asleep in the uncomfortable chairs that surrounded his bed, as usual. Madame Pomfrey had been up and had been ready to tend to Remus’ wounds as usual and had left him and the boys to sleep. James and Peter found it easy to slip into sleep for the rest of the morning, but Sirius found it harder than normal, and he knew it was because of you.

After his ninth attempt to fall asleep he rose and left the room, a silent nod to the healer sitting at her cabinet and writing something, before he left through the doors and quickly made his way to the Room of Requirement.

No one was up yet, he didn’t even know if you were. But he knew no one should have to go through that alone, which you obviously had been doing since second year. It just didn’t sit right with him. He stopped at the wall leading to the Room of Requirement and waited for doors to form. Which they did. He opened the door quietly and stepped in to see you on the couch you looked up, expecting Lily.

“Sirius?”

“Hey.”

“How’d you know where I was?”

“Lily.”

“Right. Well, shouldn’t you be asleep in the hospital wing then?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged and sat on the couch you were occupying. “Studying?” You shrugged and moved some of your notes, still not emotionally or mentaly stable enough to deal with people. But because it was him, and your emotions were still in a knot of confusion, you let him stay.

Did your heart always beat this fast when he was this close?

“Did you get your jacket back?” You picked up a piece of chocolate. “Chocolate?” He grabbed the bar and opened it.

“Yeah, Lily gave it back to me yesterday. I was a little disappointed not to see you before the full moon.” You shrugged and ate a strawberry, eyeing Sirius’s chocolate with want, but resisted opening your own.

“I took the potion and rushed in here to get ready,” you motioned to the ropes on the ground; you hadn’t had the energy to clean it up yet.

“Ropes?” His gaze flickered between you, the ropes and your hands, which you were playing with nervously. “You… tie yourself down?” He looked almost horrified.

“Yeah,” you looked at the wall. “Precautions. I don’t take them lightly.” He didn’t know what to say to that. He knew Remus was cautions about this but tying yourself up like that while you went through the agony of transforming?

“Let me see your hands,” he reached out to you, but the motion only made you bring them into yourself. You got shit from Lily when she saw them, you didn’t need that twice. “Y/N, please.” You swallowed and handed them to him. His leg started to bounce at the new, red marks on your wrists.

“It-it's really fine.” you tried to pull them back, but he didn’t let you. He didn’t look up at you and you waited for him to start yelling. Lily always did.

“How bad does it hurt?” You were shocked by the amount of kindness in his voice. You swallowed.

“Uh-not terribly. I mean, my wrists are kind of used to getting torn up like this, so I mean…” You bit your lip and tried to peel the layers off. “I mean, I guess it kind of stings. ANd my back kind aches, but uh… its.. Uh.. fine.”

“Why don’t you go to the hospital wing?”

“Because you guys and Remus are there. If I showed up every full moon when you were all there, it would be a bit suspicious, don’t ya think?”

“Yes, but you’re injured.” You shrugged sadly.

“I've had worse than a few rope burns. I mean, you’ve seen my arms.”

“And Lily said that's not even close to the end of your scars,” you flinched slightly. Which was he talking about? Mentaly or physically?

You knew this wasn;t the moment to be exactly thinking it, but damn when he wanted to he could literally be so gentle and it made you want to burst.

“Yeah. Before the potion and figuring out the rope charm it was pretty bumpy. I mean, it's still not exactly smooth sailing, but- I’m rambling now,” you shook your head and pulled your hands away from him, tucking your hands into your sleeves.

“Have you eaten any chocolate yet?” He asked, rising and making his way to the pile on the floor.

“I haven’t really felt like it,” you shrugged, not even attempting to make the lie seem real. He rolled his eyes and started rifling through the bars.

“Liar.” He grabbed one and tossed it to you. “Here. Eat this, you’ll feel better.”

“I’m fine, Sirius. Really.” You poked at the bar a few times, contemplating taking it. “You look exhausted though. You were out with my brother all night, you should get some sleep.”

“So should you.” You rolled your eyes and looked back down at the potions book in your hands.

“I have to study for this potions assignment with Jacob. I’ve been too distracted with this past full moon.”

“Yes I can see how turning into a werewolf would be distracting,” he scoffed and took the book from your hands.

“Sirius,” you whined.

“What potion did you even get?” His face fell a bit when he noticed the love potion on the page. The majority of the students who did this potion together ended up together.

“It's easy, but a lot of information,” you sighed and grabbed the book back. “I mean, not easy easy. But its,” you shook your head. “Never mind. Forget it,” you sighed and ran your hands over your face.

“Who do you think you're gonna smell?” He asked, leaning back casually, even though he hated himself for asking.

“Probably no none. And the person I hope I smell, well I doubt they'd even consider me,” you rolled your eyes. “I’ll probably smell chocolate and lavender. Or something like that.” But in your head you weren;t thinking about chocolate and lavender. Ok, that was a lie. You were thinking about chocolate, it was right in front of you and your sensitive sense of smell was amplifying it. But you were really expecting to smell was the boy sitting next to you. And you knew you wouldn’t mix his scent with anyone else's.

“Heh. They’d be crazy not to, love.” You blushed but buried your head into your book further. He looked over at you and bounced his leg a few more times.

“You should probably get back to Rem. I’ll probably follow you a bit later to check in on him and give him some chocolate.” He frowned.

“Shouldn;t you be eating all this?”

“I only normally eat a few pieces and give the rest to him. He has it worse than me.” You shrugged. “He deserves it more.”

“And aren’t you supposed to be mad at him?” You shrugged again.

“How my full moons go are based on my emotions. It's better to make up with him. Make everything go back to normal, like it normally does when we get into an argument.”

“Ok, but it wasn;t fair the way he treated you. I know he was on edge, but-”

“Sirius, it's fine. Really. We were both just on edge. And it was fair. I mean, not the Slytherin comments, but the rest of it was.”

“Will you at least eat something before you go? Or get some sleep?”

“I slept plenty after my transformation and I ate lots.”

“Chocolate,” He said exasperatedly. “Eat some chocolate.” You took the bar of chocolate he had given you and took a bite out of it.

“Never thought someone would have to make me eat chocolate.”

“Never thought I’d have to make you,” you frowned, thinking back to your twin's comment.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you would just eat it without even thinking. Ever since Remus made that comment-”

“Rightfully said,” you hummed cutting him off. He sighed and took your book again, kneeling in front of you.

“Why do you care so much about what he says? Especially when he’s not himself?”

“Because I need to make him feel happier. He’s like this because of me. Because of my mistake to want to see the stars he’s in pain.”

“And so are you. Why do you keep torturing yourself?”

“I’m not. I just… I don’t know. God I’m such a mess afterwards,” you groaned, tears pricking your eyes.

“Yeah, well, that's expected,” he smirked and it made you give hima laugh-sob in reply. “Here,” he urged, handing you the half finished chocolate bar. You took a desperate few bites out of it and let the tears fall. He wiped them away quickly and let his hand fall on your knee. “Better?” you nodded and wiped your face to rid it of any chocolate.

“Yeah, sor-”

“Don’t apologize. You should sleep. You look absolutely horrid,” you laughed pitifully and nodded, finally admitting to your exhaustion.

“Yeah, ok. You might be right.”

“Might be? I’m always right.” You laughed again and went to stand up.

“Yeah yeah. Alright. You're always right. I’ll sleep after I make sure Remus is alright.” You promised.

He wanted to argue but knew he wouldn’t win.

“Alright. Come on. Then I’m taking you straight to the dorm room.”

“I have to clean up first. Go ahead, I’ll follow.” He shook his head.

“I’ll come back later and do it.”

“Sirius-”

“No arguing. Come on,” he dragged you out of the room. You visited your brother who was still asleep. James and Peter were up and waiting for Remus to wake up. Once you saw him Sirius dragged you out and to your dorm room forcing you to go to sleep or he would make you eat chocolate until you turned into it. You gladly fell into a dreamless sleep, unknowing of him wrapping your wrists since you were such a heavy sleeper.

You woke up on Monday when Lily shook you awake for class. You could tell she felt bad about it, but you assured her it was fine. You noticed your hands were wrapped and wondered who had done it. That's when you noticed your stomach growling. Quickly you got dressed and shoved chocolate into your bag for Remus and ran down to the Great Hall where everyone already was. You took your usual seat in between Remus and Sirius.

“Hey!” You said cheerfully and grabbed some food and put it on your plate. “Rem, could you pass me the chocolate chip muffins please?” He did so as if nothing was wrong and even bumped your shoulder with his. Sirius just watched, not understanding how your three huge fights could so easily turn back to this. All your classes went as usual, even lunch went well.

Then it was time for potions. You walked in with James and Remus but had to make your way to Jacob instead of sitting with them. You had decided it would be fair to split the research and then have him write the essay while you made the potion.

“Hey Jacob!” You smiled brightly at the Slytherin.

“Hello, Y/N. You have your half of the research?” You nodded and handed him your papers. Excellent. Should we get started then?”

“Sounds good to me! Who do you think you’ll smell?” He glanced over at a hufflepuff with bright red hair across the room.

“I hope I know who.” You smiled. “You?” You blushed.

“I wish. I mean, I have an idea, but they’ll never like me back, especially now.” He shook his head.

“You're super cool, Y/N/N. They’d be insane not to.”

“Thanks, Jacob. Let's get to it then?”

“Lets!” For the rest of class the two of you worked, quietly chatting occasionally as you finished the project together. You heard an explosion and glanced up and Remus and James who were just staring at their cauldron. James obviously being the one who added the wrong ingredient. You snorted and went back to your own potion mixing it together carefully, the brew being the perfect shade of pink. He sat up in his seat and looked at you wide eyed. “It's finished?”

You smiled. “You smell it already? It still has a few hours of brewing.” He nodded. He looked over to the hufflepuff boy.

“Yeah. I can smell it. You?” You swallowed and took a whiff.

Gasoline, smoke, cinnamon apples and chocolate. God that was it. That was him.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Yeah I smell it.” Slughorn came over and looked into the cauldron.

“My my, looks like you two are finished already! Is your essay finished as well?” You looked over at Jacob who wrote a few more things down and handed it to Slughorn who skimmed it, seeming to be happy with it. “Splendid splendid. Well done you two. You can be finished for today. As a matter of fact, everyone is dismissed if you feel like you are finished. We will be continuing this tomorrow and then they will be due the next day.” The class erupted into chatter and the Hufflepuff boy came over, Jacob held his breath as he stopped in front of him smelling the air. He looked over at him, lust blown eyes.

He bit his lip and sauntered out of the room with a swing to his hips, glancing back at him before leaving the door. You chuckled as he just stared, gawking.

“Go get him, Lover boy!” He grinned at you and ran out of the room after the Hufflepuff. You cleaned up as the room emptied. You told Remus and James to go on without you to lunch. You would be there for a few minutes.

You continued to clean up the station, not bothering to stop smelling your potion, the scent put you at ease. It always did. And you really needed to be at ease right then.

You walked back over to your workbench to see Sirius entering the room.

“Hey, Sirius!” You smiled and he smiled back before stopping, smelling the air. He looked at the potion, swallowed and then back at you. You frowned and went back to cleaning up, making sure not to look at him. But you couldn’t help but wonder who he was smelling. It was clearly not you.

He began to help you clean up and the air was suddenly tense between you. And you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“So, who do you smell?” You asked, jumping onto the work table and cocking your head at him. He shrugged. “Come on, I want to know. As your best friend, I have a right to know.” He hummed in response and inclined his head.

“Just like how I had a right to know your secret?” You looked away.

“I said I was sorry. I just, I was scared if it got out that Remus would find out. I just didn’t want Remus to know that he got turned and I got turned. I would have much rather it been me and only me rather than the both of us.”

“I would've rather it be neither of you,” you smiled up at him.

“Yeah, same. So who do you smell?”

“Why don;t you tell me?” he countered and you chewed your lip. “Come on, just tell me,” he got closer to you, smiling as he glanced up at him. You have no idea where the rush of courage came from. But it came.

“You,” you shrugged, he went wide eyed and stepped back, coughing.

“M-me?” You shrugged, playing it off.

“You,” he smirked at you, composing himself again.

“And what exactly do I smell like?” He asked, placing a hand on either side of your body. You thought about it for a moment, but you knew. Even without him right in front of you and the potion right beside you, you knew.

“Gasoline and smoke from that motorcycle you always work on, Cinnamon and apples because though you’d never admit it they are your favorite, and chocolate because you're always around me or Rem.” he stared at you. You narrowed your eyes at him. “Who do you smell?” It took him a moment to find his voice, and each second he took you waited in agony. What if you just confessed to your best friend and he didn’t like you back. But he smiled after a moment.

“You,” he replied simply, making your eyes go wide. You had been hoping, but it was actually the last thing you had expected to hear.

“An-and what exactly do I smell like?”

“Lavender, from that motorizer you always wear before you go to sleep, chocolate because you practically survive on the stuff- which is adorable-, and ink because you are constantly spilling it all over the place,” as he spoke his voice had gotten lower and lower, and with his voice his gaze also dropped. It dropped all the way down to your lips which you were playing with.

“Wo-wow,” you stuttered out, not knowing how to react. WHat do you do? You were panicking. And before you could say anything or do anything, his lips were on yours and he was standing in between your legs. His mouth was warm on yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him closer as he brought his hands to your hips to bring you closer. But then a familiar thought rang through your head.

You don’t deserve this…

“Sirius, wait,” you pulled away and he leaned away from you, his hands still on your hips, he looked at you curiously.

“What's wrong?”

“I-I don’t deserve this. I-I can’t put you through this.” He scrunched his eyebrows together.

“What do you mean?” You buried your head in your hands and shook your head. Headache was approaching and you needed your chocolate. After the full moon was never as bad as before, but that didn’t mean you didn’t have your share of problems.

Sirius seemed to sense your need for chocolate because he dove into your bag and pulled out a piece, unwrapping it for you. He handed it to you and you took it gratefully.

“Can you explain what you meant?”

“You deserve better than me. I mean. You're you. And who am I? I’m a weirdo screw up who got her brother bitten by a werewolf.”

“No,” he pulled your face back up to his and looked at you. “You are perfect. I have had a crush on you since second year. And I’ll be damned if I let your insecurities get in the way of me taking care of you.”

“But-”

He shoved the chocolate back into your mouth, shaking his head.

“Do you like me?” you nodded as you chewed the chocolate. He smiled and pecked your lips, your mouth still full of chocolate. “That's all that matters to me. I think we have a few things to tell your brother now though,” you frowned and nodded sadly. You didn’t want to, you really didn’t. He kissed you again and you brought him in closer. You still felt guilty, and you knew you always would. You couldn’t change that. But you could try for him. You could be the best for him. Because the boy standing in front of you, wiping excess chocolate from his own mouth, he was everything you had ever wanted.

And you would be everything he ever wanted in return.

#sirius x reader #sirius x you #sirius black #sirius x y/n #Lupin reader #remus x you #mauraders x reader #mauraders #hq angst #hp fluff #fluff and angst

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vinnival · 3 years

Note

Okay but since you liked so much the one escenario where the team had an S/O that sings and dances while fighting, what about Tricky, the Auditor and Jesus with the same S/O that fights while singing and dancing

MMMMMHMHMMM YUMMY

Listen I just like readers that give off. Intimidating and or big dick energy jts so fun to write

Not gonna include any specific songs so you can use ur own !

JAM SESH PART 2

*breakdances*

TRICKY

Oh u already KNOW he's all over it

Suggests music that definitely isn't chicken dance 10 hour loop I promise

Reeeally likes dancing with you

If he's not dancing then he gets distracted by your wonderful moves and voice :]

He definitely thinks you're straight up magical

Love that for you two

Like, how do you not get hit at all??? It's a miracle, or literal magic- he decided you're the latter

He likes to waltz surprisingly

You don't know how his shaky tendencies manage to waltz and stuff but it works ! So

Together you two are practically unstoppable

But in the face of potential danger he will not hesitate to throw you into a hiding spot and tell you to run if things get too out of hand

... which has happened a few times

Nevertheless when you vibe he is also vibing so what's there to not like?

AUDITOR

He thought it was only a thing that happened during training

Boy oh boy oh boy oh BOY was he wrong

You whipped out the earbuds when the alarms rang from an intruder attack

He hasn't seen you fight before that, so when you took off while music was blasting from your earbuds, it's safe to say he was veeeery confused

He followed you because he was that confused, and goddamn was he not disappointed

You were the first person to arrive on scene where the intruders (bandits) were, and you've already burned through a quarter of them with the biggest shit-eating grin on your face

He watched you, dumbfounded, as you dodged gracefully and struck twice as hard as counters while you casually sang a song??? Hello???

When you had to retreat because backups came in, you met Audutor's surprised gaze and grinned even harder than before

Once you two met up again he literally dragged you to his office and yelled at you (lovingly !!!)

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU COULD DO THAT?!"

You just shrugged, "you never watched me fight."

JEBUS

At first he thought it was extremely silly

"You should be more focused on your fighting. You could get knocked out if you spun too much and were too dizzy to recover."

"Nah, surpassed getting dizzy YEARS ago."

Though he has to admit: you're really good at what you do

I'd say his favorite thing that you do is the transition between dances as your song moves to the next one on the playlist

It's fluid, and captivating

It really is a wonder how you haven't gotten hit in your time of fighting this way- everyone's eyes were usually on you, and they seem to miss every shot, miss every swing

Guess you do have a talent...

But he still protects you B) if things get too overwhelming- for either him or you- he's picking you up and running

Random thought: sometimes, to fuck with people, you walk into any facility Jeb is targeting, and while their guns are aimed at you, you just smile and say "Yall need Jesus" and then BAM Jeb pops out and goes ham

that just sounds funny to me idk consider that a part of these hcs or make it a standalone one

#madness combat #madness combat x reader #madness combat tricky #tricky the clown #madness combat auditor #the auditor #madness combat jebus

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barzzal · 3 years

Note

Soft lazy (maybe even stormy) Sundays with Mat where he has no game that day. Where you two can just lay in bed having sex for an hour or two before getting up. But it seems no matter what you two do around the house it somehow always leads to sex. Making breakfast? Check. Cleaning up after breakfast? Check. Watching tv? Check. Doing laundry? Check. A mid-day nap because all that sex makes you two tired? Not before another round or two, and again when you two wake up.

warnings: nsfw (18+) smut, sexual and suggestive themes, here we go yet another unprotected sesh :< suit up babies, cock warming, sort of lazy intercourse (i just need to be loved don’t attack me), established relationship + and a shortie

“it’s not a cat!”

“for a thousand dollars, you'd think at least it'd come with hair.”

“all right listen ball boys! my grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!”

“free cats do that too, y’know.”

“it’s not a cat!”

the television booming throughout the room sounded so distant to you and mathew. after a long tiring day of doing laundry and the rest of the chores while managing to get a little too handsy a couple of times, you both decided to just chill in the living room and leave ‘friends’ on so mat could finally catch up on your favorite/comfort series.

knowing mathew, and sadly, being that you were technically as horny as him most of the time, the little kisses he’s pressing lightly on your shoulder with his tongue sliding out every now and then as his large hand caressed your thighs; made it a little hard for you to concentrate on the show you’ve seen countless times and already remember in excruciating details.

“baby,” you mutter, almost inaudible under all the laziness pressing on you as you lay down the couch squeezed in quite a tight space with mathew.

mat answers you with a hum, clearly in the same state as you were. you let out a sigh, stirring in your position to angle your ass more on his front, “you’re turning me on.” you whine in protest, annoyed that you were still so down for him but that you were far too indolent to even dare to lift a finger to do anything about it. knowing yourself, you know you wouldn’t be able to get shit done and you need to put your sole trust on your athletic boyfriend.

“oh yeah?” mat responds, burying his head in your hair taking all your scent with him. “uh-huh.”

“we can do something about that.” mat proposes in the same volume as you.

“i know, but i don’t feel like moving though.” you tell him.

“babe...” you shrug when he didn’t answer, making his head move in the process.

“do you wanna?” you inquire.

“yeah, okay–” mat surrenders and takes one for the team, finally fighting his own slothful tendencies.

at this point, he was sure that the 21 year-old mat would laugh at what he’s become: a lazy old man too tired to function, even more so to get laid which was like— a mat barzal staple, if you would have it. to make matters worse for him, it was 1 in the fucking afternoon.

mat’s hands travel down the waistband of your shorts and you help him get the whole thing by pulling away from him so he could drag the material off you even just below your knee. you do him a great favor by shimmying it the rest of the way, letting it slide through your sock-covered feet.

mat, on the one hand, got busy with pulling out his half hardened dick, immediately letting the tip touch your behind, he proceeds on wiping his precum– despite not having too much, on your butt cheek.

“you good there?” mat asks you, ensuring that you were still alive– and hopefully awake to at least take part by taking his member in. he couldn’t go through with this without you, could he?

“wait–” you protest instead, turning to face him.

he takes himself away from you and lets you invite him in. you swing your leg just above his thighs, giving him enough room to maneuver. he takes a few of his fingers to his mouth and spits out quite a thick load of his saliva. he then slides his hand down your area, wetting your already moistened pussy even more.

“good?” you ask this time, adjusting your head on his arm that you were using as a pillow. mat nods and plants one lazy kiss on your lips before he adjust so he could position himself before your entrance.

the two of you rest your forehead together, letting yourselves adjust to each other.

“if we fall asleep like this, it wouldn’t be so bad, y’know.” he says quietly with his eyes closed.

you chuckle tirelessly. “i know— but don’t sleep. i don’t wanna be still fucking in my dreams.”

mat snickers, pressing his body onto yours, starting to buck his hips with slow thrusts inside you, “as long as it’s me that you’re fucking, i’m never pulling out.”

it’s wet weekends!

#wet weekends #mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal smut #nhl smut #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey smut

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severelytalentless · 3 years

Text

Chemistry Part 3

FlirtyFuckboy!Gojo x VirginLabPartner!Reader x Badboy!Geto

A/N: I'm having way too much fun with this..

TW/CW: sexual scenarios & strong language, alcohol intoxication, suggestive material

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Kiss me more - doja cat + sza)

“Gojo please, I'm gonna be late for History!” you try to scold him through a giggle. It's the third time this week that he's grabbed you after class and pulled you back into the chem lab by your waistband. He tugs at your skirt and gropes your tits, growling into your neck, making you squeal.

He's such a horny bastard for you.

“It's your fault for teasing me with this sexy little outfit.” he lifts you onto the nearest lab bench, “you get what you deserve..” his hands slide up your thighs and under your skirt and he thumbs your clit, still living to pull these sweet sounds you make for him. A little moan slips through your grin and you run your fingers up the back of his neck, pulling him in to kiss you.

How can you resist?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were both surprised by your passing grade on the midterm lab since all of your study sessions have ended in hickeys down your neck and scratch marks up his back.

You two had been fucking on an almost daily basis for weeks now, driving each other completely crazy.

Both of you decided to keep this fling from the public, knowing that a serious relationship was totally out of the question. He has strict commitment issues and you have a reputation to uphold.

However, you’re starting to notice some suspiciously jealous looks thrown at you by girls that you'd seen Gojo hang around with in the past. He mustn't be paying them as much attention these days.

Maybe your late-night meetings around campus haven’t been as private as you had thought.

Maybe the flirty passing glances in the halls are a little too obvious.

Maybe it's the way he shamelessly undresses you with his eyes the moment you pass through the door of the classroom, watching you like a hawk all the way to your seat.

Or perhaps, it's the lollipops you've started rolling around in your mouth in chem lab, just to tease him.

Whatever the reason for their suspicions, neither of you has any plans to end the fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Have you ever been to a party?” he asks in the middle of your makeout sesh. Not unusual for Gojo to interrupt the moment with some random thought. You raise an eyebrow.

“I don't do parties.” you quickly dive back into his mouth to try and shut him up. He breaks away and grips your hips, furrowing his brows at you.

“Come on bunny.” he pulls out the pet name. You giggle and shake your head at his pathetic pouty lips.

“Parties are nothing but trouble.”

“Exactly.” the dirty little smirk pecks you on the cheek. Your eyes firmly tell him no, but he persists.

“Well, you don't have a choice, this one is different.”

“How's that?” Your eyebrow arches again. He shifts his shades down his nose, flashing you those million-dollar baby blues.

“Because I'm gonna be there." you roll your eyes as the clown winks at you.

"Bunny pleeeease!!" he throws his head back and whines. You push him back and hop down off the counter, straightening your skirt.

"Toru, I just don't think it's a good idea. Everyone will know something is up." You swing your bag back over your shoulder and make for the exit but he beats you to it and leans in the doorway.

"Other than my dick for you?" he licks his lips and bites his smirk, "I promise I'll keep it in my pants.." you fail to hide the smile that cracks into the corner of your mouth. You're one thousand percent sure you would find his fingers crossed behind his back if you checked right now. You let out a heavy sigh and squint at him.

"When?" His eyes light up. He's got you now.

"Tonight. 10. My place." You push past him and saunter down the hall to your next class.

God, he loves to watch you walk away.

"Wear something hot!" He calls after you, eyes glued to your ass. You spin around and bite your smile at him.

Yeah, he got you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(never be like you - flume)

You make it through the door right as the bell rings and rush to find an empty seat in the back.

Damn it...what am I gonna wear?!

You mentally flip through all the clothes in your closet, munching on the end of your pen. You pull your notebook from your bag and the pen falls from your lips, tapping to the floor. A foreign hand picks it up before you can reach.

Suguru Getou sits down beside you. You watch him twirl your pen through his fingers.

You've never formally met Getou. You forgot you both take History 310. All you know he's friends with Gojo. Other than that, he's a bit of a mysterious character in your book. Sure, he pals around with the rowdy boys in your year, but his aura isn't nearly as chaotic as theirs. You have always had a hard time getting a read on him. To be honest, you don't quite understand how he and Gojo get along so well. He seems like a completely different breed.

You're caught off guard when his mouth pulls into a subtle smirk, glancing at you from the corner of his eye. An unexpected blush smacks your cheeks and you shift in your seat. You've been looking at him too long. You quickly clear your throat.

"That's my pen.." the statement comes out like a question.

He leans forward over his elbows on the table and taps the pen on your notebook, then lays it down. You could swear you just saw his eyes flick down at your lips, and your breath catches in your throat.

"Thank you." You turn away quickly and huff out your breath, situating yourself to focus on the lecture. But you feel his gaze lingering on you, buzzing your nerves. You glance sideways and connect with his eyes. Your stomach flinches.

You dive into your notebook to busy yourself and try to shake this feeling. He leans back in his seat, turning his attention to the lecture, leaving you alone for the rest of class. His smirk doesn’t fade as quickly as you feel it should.

The bell rings and everyone starts rustling to pack up. You turn to put your notebook away, and Getou is already leaning down next to you to do the same. You hold your breath. His face is right beside yours.

“I like your perfume..” your pulse spikes.

He zips his bag and pushes back his chair, leaving you frozen, staring up at him like a deer in the headlights. Your mind fumbles for a response but he’s already walking toward the door. Heat prickles your cheeks again and you exhale heavily. He glances back at you just before he disappears through the doorway.

What the fuck was that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(mother's daughter - wuki remix)

“She’s here..”

Getou nudges Gojo and nods toward the door. Gojo glances over his shoulder and double-takes, almost spilling the shot he's pouring.

“Oh fuck...” Gojo's glasses slide down his nose.

You look good, too good.

The outfit you chose hugs you tight in all the right places. Both men watch you sidle in and plant yourself against the nearest wall, like the flower that you are. You clutch the strap of your purse and the bottle you brought along with you.

You scan the darkened smokey room, making eye contact with lots of somewhat familiar faces, but none that you are well enough acquainted with to greet. Your stomach turns.

Shit, you should have dragged a friend along with you. You immediately start to regret coming to this.

"Hey little bunny..come here often?" Gojo appears next to you, leaning on the wall, beaming down at you with his hands full of shots. You let out a little sigh of relief and nervously shove the bottle toward him.

"Here, I brought you this." he chuckles at your stiffness.

"Thanks, right back at you." he shrugs and lifts up the alcohol he's already holding. He sees your eyes widen and laughs again.

"Come on, let's put that down for later." He turns and swoops an arm around you, leading you to the kitchen.

You relax a little more in the shelter of the kitchen, away from so many staring eyes. Gojo sets down the shots, placing one in front of you, and takes the bottle from your hands.

"Oooh, good choice babe, I love this stuff." He examines the handle, then shoots you a mischievous glare, "Are you tryna to get me drunk?" You smile back and lean your hip on the counter, crossing your arms.

“Maybe a little..” he loves this naughty look your giving him.

“I’m game, but you need to catch up,” he slides the shot closer, “bottoms up.” He lifts his own and waits for you.

Here goes nothing

You knock it back and it goes down with much less of a fight than you expected. You set the empty glass down and there’s another shot waiting in its place.

“Good girl..” Gojo lifts the next shot, he eyes you like you’re made of candy, “this is gonna be fun..”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(killshot - megdelena bay)

Your face feels fuzzy. How many shots is that? Four..five? Who cares. This is fun. He looks hot with his shirt unbuttoned like that. Mmm kinda wanna kiss him..kinda wanna fuck him on the counter.

“You look really hot in this..” he hooks his finger into your neckline and pulls you to him, hand catching the curve of your waist. You purr and bite your lip.

"Just doing as I was told.."

You feel warm and loose and the bass from the speakers in the other room is humming through your chest. You’ve been drunk a couple of times before at sleepovers with your girlfriends, but this is so much more exciting.

“Ooh, I wanna try this..” you reach for the unopened bottle you brought. He hums in your ear.

“Easy tiger, we want you wobbly, not stumbling..”

We?

He slides it further away and catches your face in his hand, turning you to kiss him. It quickly takes your mind off the bottle you wanted.

“Let’s go fuck..” he grits his teeth at your lusty words. The shots have made you horny and impatient. He chuckles and glances behind you.

“Maybe later, I wanna introduce you to someone..” he nods for you to turn around and holds you in place by your hips, resting his chin on your shoulder.

Your heart jumps and you feel the alcohol push deeper into your system. Suguru Getou is leaning in the doorway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(pretty little fears - 6lack + j. cole)

Wow

He’s all kinds of sexy. You’ve never really noticed it before. 100% tall dark and handsome, lazy smile on his lips, lollipop stick tucked into the corner. He tilts his head and appraises your body with slow eyes. If it weren’t for the shots, you know you’d be a nervous mess under his gaze right now. The alcohol props up your confidence and seeps through your bloodstream.

“Hi handsome..” the bold greeting hops off your tongue before you can stop it. Not that you're sorry you said it. You hear Gojo huff a surprised laugh by your ear. Getou’s grin widens and he strides in from the doorway.

“Is this guy bothering you, miss?” Getou’s low voice teases as he glances at Gojo on your shoulder.

“Terribly..” you jest back cooly.

“Oh! I see how it is..” Gojo hums against your neck and squeezes your hips.

“Suguru Getou...History 301, right?” he extends his large hand and you take it.

“And chem lab..Y/N L/N..nice to finally meet you...” his thumb strokes across your knuckles. He’s got a dark quiet confidence about him, you’re so into it. A thick tension hangs between you. His fault for starting it in History today.

“My pleasure...can I get you a drink?” His eyes don’t leave yours as he pulls the bottle back over and unscrews the top in one smooth motion.

“She’s had quite a few already, might wanna slow down..” Gojo shifts behind you. The two men exchange a quick glance. You shoo him off your shoulder, still staring at Getou.

“One more won’t hurt..” you watch his eyes narrow and flick down to your lips, just like they did in class. His attention is rubbing you just the right way. Getou looks back at Gojo and nods to you, cocking an eyebrow.

"I like her.." Getou's words pour more excitement into your gut that quickly mixes with the alcohol that's already there. He then pours three shots and deals them out.

"Told you she's feisty.." Gojo brushes your hair behind your ear. Standing so close between their tall solid bodies is making you hot.

"He's told me a lot about you, bunny.." Your breath catches and the shot pauses against your lips. The way your pet name just rolled off his tongue was ridiculously sexy.

He's pleased with the blush that rushed your cheeks. Gojo's finger tips the shot up, spilling the liquid into your open mouth, scorching your tongue.

"Cheers.." he and Getou tap glasses and exchange a knowing glance over your head before downing their shots. You cough a little at the burn of the alcohol. This stuff is way stronger than what Gojo gave you before. It makes your eyes water. The boys chuckle and Gojo rubs your back.

"Well done, babe." he turns your chin and gives you an encouraging peck. He looks over at Getou.

"Here, he said you like these.." You turn and he pops his sucker into your mouth. Cherry flavored.

Your mind flashes back to the library and you're suddenly aware of how wet your panties are. Chills wash down your body when Getou's hand skims across your lower back under Gojo's. You're too tipsy to be nervous about the contact.

"You should see what else she can do with that mouth.." Gojo takes your empty glass. Getou hums.

"Maybe we should work on this bottle upstairs.." Getou looks down at you, twirling a piece of your hair in his fingers. A surge of adrenaline floods through you when his proposition registers.

"What d'you say, bunny?" Gojo grabs at your ass. Getou runs his hand under your hair across the back of your neck. They watch you pull in a deep breath and close your eyes.

Fuck fuck fuck

Alarm bells are blaring in your head, but the 90 proof that just hit your veins is turning down the volume. The way their big strong hands feel touching on your body is quickly teasing out the bad girl in you. All this attention stroking your ego, pushing heat down into your core.

The poor sweet angel on your shoulder is trying to warn you that the thrill you're feeling isn't safe, but the devil on the other already knows you're gonna go with it.

You grab the bottle and back away from them towards the door. The look on your face has both their cocks throbbing. You tilt your head and smirk, leaning against the doorframe.

"Which way, boys?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued..

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