#I low key am though

[theabigailthorn]

DJANGO!!!

17th of February on Sky!

I cannot wait for you all to meet Jess, playing her was a blast, I am SO SO excited! 

#I AM BLORBO #Whenever Jess Isn't On Screen the Other Characters Should Be Asking Where's Jess #Acting #This series was so much fun to make #Low key terrified though #Where Are You Running From Stranger?

[sanasanakun]

As someone who’s played all the COD games and loved the series despite its super obvious flaws, I really am curious how Activision will take the phenomenon around Ghost. Obviously, Ghost has always been popular amongst the COD fandom, but he’s reached a new massive, outside appeal. Specifically, his relationship with Soap is a very big part of that appeal. They’ve been shipped together for fucking years, but not to this extent. I guess what I’m wondering is like …would Activision actually do it? Would they make them boyfriends? Or at least like pine for each other?

I really struggle with knowing because on one hand I could see them doing it even if it’s still niche. On the other, they absolutely would never do that because it would alienate their dude bro fanbase. But like … I don’t fucking know lmao because it’s super plausible that Ghost and Soap could like each other romantically.

Like their interactions indicate a closeness that both don’t share with anyone else. And yeah sure, they could just be besties (which they currently canonically kind of are), or they could just be brothers in arms (which they also are). But there definitely is room for something there that reads as distinctively “not straight” if that makes sense? And I’m a fucking diehard GhostRoach shipper from like a billion years ago when the OG mw2 came out, so if I’m saying this then maybe it really is possible lmao

But really the truth probably just is I’m gay and I want to see myself in my silly little military men in my silly little military game because I’ve loved those little military men so much since I was like 10 😭

#y’all are sleeping on ghost and roach though fr #they are the true brothers in arms 🫡🇺🇸🥲 #jk jk I really like ghost and soap too lol #I’m not a huge shopper tbh but I am really wondering about how Activision could take this #this is kind of a rant/venting my thoughts low key #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #soapghost #activision #cod mwii #mwii #mw2 #call of duty #cod

[dailykugisaki]

Day sixty-three | id in alt

A puppet and a witch.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #mahito #jjk mahito #i Love havin to violently clarity who mahito is #ive never drawn this cursed bitch in ny life but making this thing do fucked up expressions is fun #update! ive been low-key concern looking at chapter 209-212 because...... #dawg i think the merging is already Happening #AM I DELUSIONAL? DAWG IT MAY BE ALREADY HAPPENINH #WHAT THE FUCK DID THOSE BEAMS OF LIGHT MEAN??? UHHH??? UH?? ERM idk tho #i might be staring at the wrong shit but yknow #another update! its just the plans furthering lmao #though... i do think the merging should be able to at least start or something... it would be interesting to see #i fucking giggling tho bc in chapter... 244? i think the old guy with the katana says they could use cursed evergy to protect themselves #they completely disregard the people of japan and its FUNNY #but yknow who ACTUALLY has non sorcerer friends and cares for them insanely so? Kugisaki and fucking todo idk why not #i just wanna see what happens i wanna see how fucked up this is gonna be #also can maki fucking uh heavenly restriction herself out of the merger or is she fucked #im asking the REAL questions on my fucking daily Kugisaki account because this is the only way i can pick apart jjk with any kind of group

[ante--meridiem]

Got an assessment back from one of my applications and while I still don't know if they'll actually pick me or not it is a relief to have formal confirmation that my applications aren't considered embarrassingly bad.

#I am 'qualified with a relevant background and good grades' :D #(the latter part I can only take to mean they didn't look at/care about my undergrad grades which. good. whole point of my masters #grade-wise is proving I can do better than that when I'm not incredibly burnt out/having a mild mental breakdown) #I mean I assumed my supervisor would have warned me if I were submitting embarrassingly bad applications #but I did have that dream about a selection committee viciously tearing it apart & have been low-key worried ever since #....particularly good timing to get this on the day that I yet again failed to attend a careers fair I signed up to #which. sigh. I know. but. woke up late and tired and overstimulated and decided my time would be better spent trying to actually get some #progress on the thesis than hearing about how I could work for. checks notes. a sports betting company. #I still have time to make it to some of the less soul-sucky presentations though #liveblogging my masters

[cinna-bunnie]

thinking about older women

#hey auntie 👉🏾👈🏾 #some of them b dancing on that line and i am looking respectfully (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) ♡⁠ #many such cases... giggling at how often w how many ppl aksjak family friends.. or it be ur own family 💀💕 #someone's mom would joke about snatching me up like 😭😶‍🌫️ ma'am first of all .. would #and the touchy prima (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) ♡⁠ yes please put ur hands on me i am so comfortable with physical contact (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) let me hold ur hand ♡ #🚶🏾‍♀️ being hot is nice sometimes #the forbidden fruit... hey tía (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) 👉🏾👈🏾💕 #some of the exchanges I've had were so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 ma'am.. i got a lil crush on u. #← not my actual family. i do not have one. engaging in one from this perspective is a lil different yfm 🚶🏾‍♀️u don't have to get it #or maybe u do idk im zooted rn and feeling rly gay abt aunties and older women in general okay 😩💕 #i need to go sweet talk someone's tía i know she's looking beautiful tonight 🚶🏾‍♀️ i see u girl. i love ur hair your nails are beautiful #i love your color coordination you have such good fashion sense (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) ♡⁠ #ur earrings are so pretty i love your necklace i love your bracelets (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) lemme go help y'all cook or I'll make the drinks whateve #let's talk.. ♡⁠ #Lupe... what are you up to these days 😩💕 my favorite. a family friend #i kinda see family friends as family too sorta bc my fam was p small when i did have one so a friend would be a basically auntie #but also not.. technically. so ╮⁠(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠╭ idk. they r tías 2 me though and i love them. #they r so nicey 2 me ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ ♡⁠ #she wanted me to say her name n talk to her in Spanish a lil bit and she ate it up 😵‍💫 (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ she loved the way i say her name #i had such a crush on her omfg. low-key but not but yeah but respectfully..

[benetnvsch]

Aquarium date -

g-d this is so Blue im sorry guys-- working with limited color pallets is fun but also how do u make anything stand out and not burn out ur eyes </3

#kite draws #bsd #Bungou stray dogs #kunikida doppo #Dazai osamu #knkdz #kunikidazai #kunizai #fanart #digital painting #Man #may delete later? #I low-key hate this though hardest thing to draw in Yonks #but its 4 am and I have class in 4 hours and so im posting cuz I don't wanna have that time spent be for nothing #ALSO DAZAI'S HAIR?? WORST #Absolute Bitch to draw my goodness- #Kunikida's hair is fine bc I have several ocs from before I even started consuming BSD with that EXACT hair cut #(almost- I have one with the like two swoops in front and then smaller pony - the part of the swoops is more centered though LOL) #But Dazai? What is even going on with his I hate him so much DFKH /lh

[kyluxtrashpit]

So I really want to get another cat. Thing is, there’s several reasons why it’d be a good idea (boy has a playmate, I think my ideal number of cats is 2, and give a kitty in need of a home a nice one) but also a lot of reasons I know it’s not a good idea *right now*

First reason is I’m not sure I’m fully ready for it. There’s still a part of my brain that hopes that this new new cat (I’m gonna need another system when I do get one lmao) would act more like old cat and I’ve had enough pets to know that’s a red flag that means you’re not ready yet. It just leads to disappointment when your new pet doesn’t behave like the old one when they were never going to, every animal is a unique individual and no two will give the same experience even when they are similar. And I know this. But the heart still wants

Also two cats, especially when one is brand new to the living situation and is still adjusting, is more work than one and for several reasons my energy lately has been pretty low. So. Am I up for that right now? I’m not sure. I’m sure I could rise the occasion if it’s needed, but like. Would it be a good idea to put myself into that situation at the moment? I’m not sure it would be. Even if I do miss having two cats a lot

There’s also the matter of living situation. Last year I was hoping to move, as I’m getting to the point in my life where it is time to Purchase a living space instead of rent. Which is terrifying tbh lmao, but it is a thing none the less. Plus I just really want a bit more space at this point, and certain conveniences (oh how I long for my own laundry devices) that I don’t currently have. But with old cat, that just didn’t end up being in the cards cause my babies are always my priority above all else (the financial hit also didn’t help - I’m only just recovering from it now). I was simply not going to move while she was old and fragile and dying of cancer

However, my province also sucks! And it recently decided it’s gonna suck even more! Not as much as most of the US, at least not yet, but. It’s not promising. And the long term prospects are also Not Great (both in terms of social things and economically as well like, things are probably going to get worse long before they get better, if they ever do get better). And my city isn’t *the worst* but it’s more expensive than ideal. So it’s like. Do I want to buy a place here? I don’t know. But do I want to move out of this province? I also don’t know

Cause moving adds a lot of factors, even if I stay in the same province but look at a cheaper city. And leaving the province, okay, which to go to? This one’s nice but expensive and has weather I don’t like, and that ones cheap but also there’s a decent risk things will get worse there politically. And then there’s a risk the whole country will get fucked politically next year but I am doing my utmost to not worry about it until it is actually an immediate problem

And then there’s factors like, all the people I know are here (even if I’m bad at seeing them a lot). Familiar grocery stores and restaurants, other amenities, hell, my internet company is not fully national last I checked - will I have to switch providers? Work isn’t an issue as I work from home and we have people in multiple provinces, but like. Literally everything else is. I’ve lived here my entire life. I don’t know what it would be like to move that far. I’ve never done it

(And there’s also like. A sort of political responsibility. I read a lot after the shitty thing was announced and like. Some people are leaving. Some are staying because fuck you, bigots will not drive me from me home, I will fight back. Some are staying because they can’t afford to leave. And some are staying because if everyone who can leave does leave, then who’s left to at least try to fight this shit for those at risk who can’t get out? Especially as while I’m not in the demographic currently at risk, I’m in an adjacent one so it’s like. No, I’m not at risk yet but it’s possible I will be some day, but I also do feel some level of responsibility to try to help those who are currently at risk because I’m not)

And my dad is planning to leave (though unclear how firm that plan is right now and unclear exactly where) and is like ‘well come with me’ and I’m gonna be honest I. Don’t really want to like. I’m in my 30s. There is a part of me that feels like it’s time to get a bit more space from my family. My mom moved already for other reasons, so I don’t physically see her often, but technology is a thing so. Quite frankly my parents are both really bad at having friends so being literally the only person one of them knows in an entire city is kind of a nightmare scenario for me lmao. I need my space. I get annoyed when I get texted too often, I am NOT going to be your sole social contact. And I know that’s what would happen if we both moved to the same place with no one else. And even without all that, we have differences of opinions in “ideal place to live” so. I know they’re (dad goes by they/them) going to try to pressure me but if I’m sure of anything, it’s that I don’t want that

And, to circle this all back, there is also my kitty boy: he does NOT travel well. At all. He has panic attacks in the car that leave him panting and screaming within about 1 minute of being in there. We are trying to work on it, given transport is important for vet visits, but progress is slow. I was thinking he might have to get the old gaba just for me to be able to move within the city. He’s an anxious little guy. It’s gonna be tough for him, both the general realities of moving and the driving to the new place part. And I originally wasn’t really thinking of moving anywhere out of a 20 min or so radius of where I currently live partly for that reason

So to move to another province (and please remember Canada is Huge, like, this would be several hours or even multiple days of driving), I don’t know if I can even do that in a way that’s safe for him. Drugs are an option, but depending on where, it could be an unfeasibly long drive to do that with. And god, planes, I can only imagine how much worse he would be on a plane (even though I’d NEVER let him ride in the cargo, I’d buy an extra seat if I had to). He could have a stress-induced heart attack and die and if this is in transit, I’d be powerless to save him and I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing I killed him

And so with all of that, I’m like. I really can’t get another cat until I know wtf I’m doing and implement that because it would be awful for the new kitty if I got them and then immediately moved somewhere, either close or far. I can’t do that, it would be cruel. So like. Idk, I just don’t know what to do

I’m also aware that like. There are two problems in this ramble and the one I opened with is not really the larger one lmao but like. Genuinely I do not know what to do and that’s scary so I’m just kinda frozen here thinking how nice it would be to have a second floof gallivanting around the apartment but also knowing I can’t really have that right now (unless the cat distribution system decides to give me no choice in the matter lmao but I’m not expecting that to happen)

#this is a long ramble but I am just #I really don’t know what to do #and I’m trying my best to just. idk ignore it for now and hope something will happen #that will make the decision obvious #but right now I just don’t know #so. ramble time lmao #cause even though it’s a low key anxiety by my standards #it’s just kinda sitting in the back of my head at all times and I just feel stuck tbh #and I really really do want to get another cat #but I can’t make that decision until everything else is sorted and I’m mentally ready so #I cannot have another fluffy baby yet :( #I’ve had this drafted for a while but I’ve been thinking about it off and on for like. months honestly #text #misc #shut up nerd

[feralnumberfive]

My followers amount is about the same as the population of my town right now. Heyyyy small town in Iowa how are you guys doing 👋

#actually my amount is higher right now because my town's population is declining because it low key sucks here lmao #in all seriousness I'm very appreciative of my followers and am quite honestly blown away that I ever got followers in the first place #so thank you all so very much and I can't wait to talk about the final season of TUA with you all ❤️ #and I'm also sorry I don't post very often anymore let alone anything about TUA 😔 #I do have fun on this blog and won't be going anywhere though even after TUA ends! (the show that is)

[devilsskettle]

i wasn’t as unsettled by skinamarink as i’ve seen other people say they were, especially while in the theater, but then like two days later when i had to go down to the basement to do laundry it was like. oh no. here comes the Dread

#just feeling like there was a presence and being scared that when i turned around there would be a face lol #i was already kind of going through a ghost thing though but this movie definitely contributed to it #it was very hard to watch that last scene but as soon as the movie was over my friend and i burst out laughing #because what the fuck was that #but it also felt kind of like. laughing to break the tension also. i am not good at taking things seriously tbh #low key maybe it was a bit of adrenaline as well #i guess i still feel a bit ambivalent about the movie like it will never be one of my favorites probably but there's something to it #more than what i've seen some other people say #maybe more than my initial reaction also #skinamarink

[itspileofgoodthings]

I hate that so much of life is interpretation of moral rules and contextualizing them in the reality in which you live so that they apply but that there’s no way to know 100% for sure if you’re right?????? On some level you just have to TRUST?? And I just????????

#not only is life not about a comprehensive set of rules but also even if it is they have to be lived in a concrete and practical world #so they have to be embodied and that involves making judgment calls #where sometimes you can’t know for sure. it’s not so mathematical every time (though sometimes it is) #this is about religion and morality btw #Pls know I am low-key having an existential crisis about this every second of every day and have been for the past 4 months #also this post doesn’t make sense I don’t think I’m putting these words together in the right order #I guess it’s just that life is so messy and rules are so black and white and the one does not fit perfectly on top of the other #So what do you do? #Panic??????????????????????????? #I just ughhhhhhhhhbhhhhhhhh

[emily-mooon]

Emily of New Moon deserves to have its own Anne with an E. It would work so well too considering the fact that the books are very dark and it would do a good job of expanding the characters, particularly my boy Teddy Kent because he was done dirty in the show from the 90s.

#don’t get me wrong I do love the show from the 90s #it came up with some pretty cool ideas for character backstory and motivation #but all of those ideas need to be expanded upon more and an adaptation like Anne with an e would be so good #also it could be a great opportunity to give teddy a character that is not just block of wood or asshole #it low key pains me to call him that tbh because he is my favourite but it’s true #wrote this at 1 am btw so tags are verbal dumping of my thoughts #sure he does have his moments but the assholery is not something I can forgive because that is a horrible trait to have in a love interest #the tv show making him an asshole does not accomplish anything though because it just makes him unlikable #lm montgomery #emily of new moon

[balkanballad]

my 3 year old niece called my hair 'pretty rapunzel hair' and it was so honest and I was so 🥺

#j. talks #low key also a bit random because I mean I am a brunette but I felt so honoured #I feel like I also finally got a fitting hair routine for me though. even the curly girlies have been asking me what I changed #which is now funny to laugh about because 10 years ago I was trying to get my hair flat and wishing for it to act 'normally' lol

[they-call-me-marlon]

So the things I love doing that make me feel fulfilled are improv, writing, church, taking walks, pottery, making art, sleeping, playing instruments, and learning new skills and I'm not really doing any of those.

And then there's vices like video games and porn that are substitutes for things I love sometimes and I'm not really doing those either.

But then I don't actually like drinking but I've been doing that every weekend? That makes sense?

#i guess my other vices are over eating garbage and overworking #and i have been doing those #which isn't great #blah blah blah #what if i stopped doing overtime for lent #a radical rejection of the idols of capitalism #except I'm low key required to do overtime #i really gotta deprioritize my job some though #definitely gonna stop drinking until I'm in France #then it's wine city #i do like red wine #but a nigga hasn't been drinking that either #just beer and liquor which i hate #what am i doing bruh #words

[opiote]

I just made dinner and it was an only-vegetable stir fry do you guys think that will fix me

#actually though I’m low key worried I might be gluten intolerant or something because I cut out dairy and I still can’t stop farting enough #to hold a normal office job #but I am so emotionally and mentally and physically not ready to accept that #I know every day it’s getting closer to when I will need to try an elimination diet or whatever to figure it out but god I’m not ready. #what a fucking miserable realization seriously it is FUCKING HARD ENOUGH eating unrestrictedly #now I’m going to have to cut out something else????? maybe??????? #I am fucking over it

[seenthisepisode]

i know i should be taking life one day at a time, step by step, one thing after the other but unfortunately i want it all and i want it now

#is this some kind of disorder to want to read write draw play video games at the same time to Experience things #because i am unable to choose what to do and even if i choose okay I'm reading but then i can't decode which book to pick #is it related to being overwhelmed and idk having too many things even though i don't have that much #is it some. kind of fear. do i really need to see a therapist because i low key don't want to #been dealing with stuff lately ughhh #anyway #personal