#I low key may be addicted to reading fanfic

[megaawkwardhuman]

8 shows to get to know me

thanks for tagging me @someguywife

an excuse to talk about the shows I like? sign me the fuck up!

WARNING: A LOT OF INFO DUMBING I TRIED TO JUST SUM UP WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THESE SHOWS BUT I COULDN'T RESIST GOING ON LONG TANGENTS ABOUT THEM SO I GAVE UP ON THAT REAL QUICK

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

1) what we do in the shadows- I mean considering how much I post about it and the fact it got me to write my first ever fanfic no shit I love this show! I mean it's got gay people, causal murder, people who have no idea wtf they're doing, vampires, weird ass CGI baby for a season, emotional devastation, did I say gay people? I will admit when I first watched the show I honestly thought it was just ok (may have to do with the fact that halfway through watching it I got sick which is funny cause when I watched the OG film I was also sick and I'm sick now while working on my fic- AM I CURSED!?) but after showing my friends the 2014 film decided to rewatch the show before showing it to them and got fucking OBSESSED. Never been a huge fan of vampire shit but now whatever vampire media I consume next HAS to have gay people in it thanks to this show. It still feels weird to have a character I like and relate to that I can kinda actually see myself in like Guillermo and while we're not 100 the same I still kinda feel seen which is fucking weird ngl. HIS COMING OUT SCENE MADE ME CRY THE SECOND TIME I WATCHED IT. (probably cause that's roughly how coming out to my parents as trans and pan went just without the whole working for vampires thing) Low key scared for what the fuck season 5 has in store :D

2) our flag means death- I fucking LOVE this show! shout out to my friend for showing it to me cause I never would have thought that a show about gay pirates would be for me. Our flag means death has just this vibe to it that has me addicted to it and the love story that I'm STILL surprised a year later they actually went through with just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The fact that a show that does what our flag means death does AND GET RENEWED FOR A SECOND SEASON brings a big fat smile to my face! Stede going in head first with an obsession while having no idea what he's doing is a fucking mood. can't wait for season 2 hopefully it won't leave me screaming at my screen like last season! OH YEAH I ALMOST FORGOT I'm SO glad they portrayed Mary the way they did! like they could have easily made her into an unforgivable bitch or homophobic as fuck but no I mean sure she's upset for what Stede did (if you were in her shoes you would be too) but after attempted murder and a bunch of shenanigans beforehand they talk it out and find a compromise that they both like and the fact that she's happy for him for finding love even if it's a guy and she isn't secretly jealous or disgusted by it is just *chef's kiss* so good.

3) moral orel- well let's go from modern live-action shows with gay people to a stop-motion adult cartoon from the mid 2000s! I can still remember watching this show for the first time since I binged it all in one night (by the time I finished it it was like 5am WOOPS) and I don't fucking regret it this show is just fucking fantastic. I HATE THAT IT WAS PULLED FOR BEING "TOO DARK" THE MORE I READ ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD PLANNED THAT THEY HAD TO CANCEL DUE TO THE SHOW'S CANCELLATION THE MORE PISSED OFF I GET! Like it's the darker episodes that make the show SO DAMN GOOD and memorable. HELL the episode that got the show canceled (I think it's called alone) IS ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES. The way it portrayed people handling trauma is fucking fascinating and it's a shame the episode is what got the show pulled. The season two finale two-parter I also up there as one of the greatest episodes in the show. The way the tone shifts as Clay gets more and more drunk and what went from a thing mainly played for laughs turns into a painful moment for Orel as he realizes just how awful his dad is especially when he's drunk. This isn't to say the less serious episodes aren't good. The show can be really funny when it wants to but it's just the more serious episode that leaves an impact on you. When hopping into the show for the first time I heard it was a satire show that was a parody of christian shows I was expecting every other joke to be bible bad (not a christian so I wouldn't have gotten offended but still it would have gotten tiring) but god I was relieved when I found out it was more making fun of those who use faith for all the wrong reasons then pointing the blame to an old ass book. overall 10/10 show that might not be everyone's cup of tea but I personally LOVE it. It's been a while since I last watched it but talking about it makes me wanna watch the entire show again. TL;DR: I fucking love this show and the reason it got canceled is the reason why I love it.

4) invader zim- OK time to move on to something less serious. It's also been a bit since I've last seen this show but it still has a close place in my heart. Invader zim aka the reason I have a tumblr account in the first place (though it wasn't until later when I started to actually use it. when I first made this account it was to lurk) is a nice little show I can watch and not over analyze the shit out of. (I do that a lot with shows I like) I watched this show at a very interesting time in my life. I had recently realized I was trans and had no idea how I was going to tell anyone and funnily enough a couple of days after I realized I was trans quarantine hit so needless to say it was an interesting time for me. This show and the fan stuff on tumblr for the show kept me sane. Dib was one of the first characters I ever related to and as you can tell by me still using him as my profile pic I still do. another show that the more I learn about what they had to cancel due to the show being canceled the more pissed off I get. I forget this is a kid's show half the time.

5) hannibal- I feel bad for my friends cause when I finished this show I WOULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. This show is the reason I actually use my tumblr account. (cause I paused it and it looked like Will and Hannibal were about to kiss and I needed to share it with someone and none of my friends have seen the show so I threw it onto here and the rest was history) I don't remember why I watched this show but I'm glad I did cause it's fucking great the mystery the first time you watch it and the set up of the answer the second time you watch it is just *chef's kiss* 10/10. The way they portrayed Will and Hannibal's relationship is so fascinating like it's so complex AND GAY. I WANT ANOTHER SEASON DAMN IT THAT CLIFF HANGER (hehe cliff) HAD BEEN KILLING ME EVER SINCE THE FIRST WATCH!!!!!!

6) the last of us- Ok so confession: I haven't finished the show (I have one episode left but I'm watching it with friends so it's probably going to be a bit before I watch it) BUT FUCK DO I LIKE THIS SHOW. I haven't played the games but from what I heard this is a rare video game adaptation that ISN'T dogshit so I might watch a let's play of the game after we finish it since I like the show so much. This has to be one of the most realistic representations of a zombie apocalypse I've ever seen. (granted I haven't consumed much zombie media and it could be the fact that before this the same friend is showing us the walking dead which granted CAN be good at times the way characters act most of the time at least at the point we were at before taking a break where annoying and frustrating) EPISODE 3 WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER SOBBED AT A SHOW. Fun(?) fact: that date on the letter at the end of that episode august 29 IS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY 😭. I'm afraid of what episode 9 has in store.

7) south park- despite having a dad who quotes this show and would watch episodes in the living room growing up it wasn't until after watching the last of us one time with friends did I ever end up watching a full episode of the show. (I forgot what episode we watched before watching south park but we all decided we needed a pick me up after it) While I'm not obsessed with this show and I haven't seen all of it (if it was possible to watch that much south park without going insane) I still like this show. Another one of those shows I can watch casually without overanalyzing it. Whenever I need a break from writing my fic or whenever I just feel like it I just pick an episode I heard was good and just watch it. The history behind this show and behind certain episodes I've always found interesting. Though I'm going to be honest for now I'm going to avoid most modern episodes cause I've heard mixed things about newer seasons. Butter's own episode, Cartman sucks, and Butters's bottom bitch has to be some of my favorite episodes. if you can't tell by my fav episodes Butters is my favorite character.

8) the owl house - FUCK YOU DISNEY THIS SHOW DESERVED BETTER!!!! Another kid's show I forget is a kid's show. the way the boiling isles are drawn hell the overall art of the show is just so fucking fantastic. THERE'S GAY IN IT!!!! LIKE ACTUAL CANONICAL GAY IN A DISNEY SHOW!!!!! I never thought I would see the day BUT HERE I AM AND AAAAAAA LUZ AND AMITY ARE SOOOO CUTE TOGETHER! KING OMFG KINGGGGGGGGGGG HE'S MY LITTLE BABY AND THE SEASON TWO FINALE MADE ME STRESS EAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. So sad that season three was cut down to three episodes. The idea that something you put a bunch of hard work into can be cut short cause someone didn't like the vibe is fucking BULLSHIT!

I would tag other people here but in the wise words of Laszlo

#wow I had a lot more then I though I had to say #also rare moment: I use punctuation in a post #yeah if you can't tell already I was kinda just writing whatever came to mind so that's why this post is as long as it is #I know the whole point of this was to write SMALL summaries on why you like the show you put down #but I can't help word vomiting when it comes to things I like!

[lycorogue]

Happy Anniversary,  “Peeping Tomcat”!

Found on AO3, on FFN, and on DA

(sorry, I lost the original copy of the cover art, so this is low-res version is all I still have)

Summary: Something called to Adrien, and before he knew it, he was addicted to sitting outside Marinette's window as Chat Noir; just watching her. His voyeuristic habit needs to stop, but things have gotten far too complicated now that he realizes he's growing a crush on her.

Rating: K / General Audiences

Pairing: Adrienette (And kind of MariChat... even though they don’t interact??)

Chapters: 17

Status: Complete.  84,239 words

**Disclaimer: This story is only semi-compliant with season 2 and does not take place within that season aside from post-Collector since that concludes Volpina.

A year ago today, I posted "Peeping Tomcat.” 

The previous August (2017), a month after I introduced myself to “Miraculous Ladybug,” I had written my first ever fanfic for the fandom. The one-shot was the original “Peeping Tomcat” (it has since been renamed “Peeping Tomcat - Teaser”). I enjoyed the story so much, I decided to expand this one-shot into a full-blown novel.

I worked on “Peeping Tomcat” during that year’s superhero-themed NaNoWriMo. I made it to 50,000 words, but I wasn’t done with my story. I spent the next few months editing my first draft, and there are large parts in the final product that barely resemble the original version. Even after I posted the first chapter on March 30, 2018, I kept working on edits and reworks for the rest of the novel.

I posted a new chapter every Friday for 3+ months. I officially finished the project when I published the final chapter on July 31, 2018. Nearly a full year after I wrote the one-shot.

This novel has been such a large point of pride for me, and I want to thank all of my fans for reading, faving, leaving kudos, bookmarking, commenting, and even reblogging my promotions for each chapter. A year later, and I’m still getting notifications about a new reader, new comment, or new fave/kudos. You guys all super duper rock!

So, how about a trip down memory lane, or how about a taste for those who may have missed this story’s original run?

Sample of chapter 1 below the break.

She didn't realize I watched her every night, and, frankly, I probably shouldn't have.

A thought pulled at the back of my head as I reflected on the akuma supervillains that had originated at that school. There were fifteen kids in my class, including myself. Fifteen. There were thirteen akuma victims that were my classmates. Excluding myself, that meant only one of my classmates hadn't been akumatized. One kid didn't have a school year punctuated with the guilt of becoming a Paris-attacking supervillain: Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Realizing that Marinette was the lone student, besides me, who hadn't been transformed yet, I had a protective need to check on her home, as if gazing upon the abode was enough to ward Hawk Moth from her. I shifted along the roof of the Collège Françoise Dupont so that I was again facing the Place des Vosges. Nestled between these two key points in my life as Chat Noir was the humble bakery Marinette's parents owned, complete with the apartment the Dupain-Cheng family lived in.

It was a simple home considering the entire first floor made up the bakery, which was still smaller than my bedroom. In fact, my two-story room may have been larger than the entirety of the three-level apartment. Neither Marinette nor her parents ever seemed lacking, though. In fact, part of me envied the small apartment. No one could get lost in there. No one could feel alone. Family was always a good holler away, not that Marinette ever needed to holler to get her parents' attention.

There was a warmth to that building that transcended the ovens Mr. Dupain started up at four every morning. Even at night, long after the bakery had shut down, and despite being across the street, I still felt that warmth. For the first time that day, I felt at peace. Just looking upon the Dupain-Cheng household calmed me the way being Chat Noir normally did, the way running through Paris normally did, the way the Ladybug and Chat Noir statue normally did, the way none of those did that night.

Family. I think that's what pinned me to that spot; what soothed my heart. That transcending warmth I could feel meters away was the idea of family. The idea that Marinette was always surrounded by hers, and how it was obvious that her family was immensely proud of her. Marinette's parents were constantly smiling and visibly beaming whenever they were around their daughter, or at least talking about her. Their pride in the woman Marinette was becoming was palpable. The same was true about Marinette's great-uncle Cheng Shifu. The entire clan radiated with love. Anyone could feel it, even from across the street.

I needed that sensation that night. After all of my failings, and with Father's stern talk of his disappointments in me, I needed a reminder that unconditional love existed. I needed to know that people could love others even with their shortcomings; a way to reassure myself that my father still did love me, and that Ladybug would still need me as her partner.

Like the scent of freshly baked croissants, the pacifying feeling of honest, familial love wafted towards me, and I breathed it in deep. I was no longer on edge as I pictured all the things that made the Dupain-Cheng home so welcoming and loving.

I remembered being Chat Noir in Marinette's home as I assisted Ladybug in hiding Kim from an akuma villain who was hunting him down. While Ladybug discussed her strategy with Marinette's parents and Kim, I had spotted a family photo displayed on a bookshelf in the living room. Marinette had her goofy little grin, and her parents sweetly smiled behind her. While I don't think I have a single picture like that with Father, the photo reminded me of the ones I had with my mom; both of us grinning ear-to-ear. Love shone through the pictures of me and Mom, just as it did with that photo in Marinette's living room.

My mind then wandered to when I helped Marinette by translating for her Chinese great-uncle. She was so nervous about dishonoring the master chef, but the man took to his great-niece instantly. I got to spend the day watching the two of them interact, and it was sweet the care each took to learn about the other. In the end, Cheng Shifu was so proud of his great-niece that he renamed his famous Celestial Soup after her. True, my father uses me as a poster child for his clothing line, but there was something different; something special in Cheng Shifu honoring Marinette the way he did. She was able to be her clumsy, awkward, unsure self and still manage to impress him. I have to be poised, reserved, and refined at all times to avoid disappointing my father. Which is probably why I needed Chat Noir so much.

The thing that brought me the most comfort, though, was remembering when I was at Marinette's house to practice for the Ultimate Mecha Strike III gaming tournament. Marinette may have been embarrassed by her parents, but I thought it was super sweet that they kept popping in to check up on us. The fact that they did so using the pretense of bringing us snacks was a nice added touch. They always had smiles that matched the warmth of the croissants, cookies, or quiche they brought for us. I get that Marinette was like most teenagers who just wanted some space to breathe, but I've had all the space I could want, and then some, since Mom went missing. To have someone check in that frequently, to have parents that so desperately want to be in their child's life; I don't think Marinette realized how fantastic that is, or how jealous I was.

I allowed myself to truly relax. I lounged across the roof of my school, my legs dangling over the edge, as I leaned back on my elbows and imagined what was going on in that warm apartment. What was it like to live there? What was it like to be part of that family? I pictured myself in Marinette's place: Tom Dupain was my father instead of hers, and Sabine Cheng was my mother. I envisioned it was me flailing around during a water balloon fight with my father, or that I was the one being instructed by my mother on how to roll out the dough properly to make the crust for a quiche. I could practically smell the smoky sweetness of a well-seasoned roast and fingerling potatoes being pulled from the tiny apartment kitchen oven and placed on the breakfast counter. I almost tasted the flaky butter of still-warm biscuits topped with a touch of plum jam. The chilled breeze of the night vanished from my notice as I felt snuggled into what would have been my lofted bed; should I have been the one who lived above the neighborhood bakery. I breathed in the sweet lingering smells of the day's baked goods as I pictured them being the cologne from the Dupain-Chengs as they tucked me in and kissed my forehead goodnight. I yearned for Marinette's reality to be mine, and imagined that it was.

I got so lost in that fantasy I nearly fell off the roof when I heard the scream.

Want to keep reading? Check out the full chapter here: Mistake

Want to read the whole thing? You can find it at these three sites: on AO3, on FFN, and on DA

#ML #Miraculous Ladybug #fanfic #LycoRogue writing #Peeping Tomcat #Adrien Agreste #Chat Noir #Cat Noir #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Multiple-chapters #chaptered story #17 chapters #84000+ words #non-sexual voyuerism #adrienette #pseudo-marichat #first anniversary #chapter sample #LycoRogue original

[tayga-lover]

Fix You With My Love

Do I know half of the stuff that I wrote? not really, don’t attack me I’m a clueless child. I really hope you guys like this one and have fun reading. 

~

Prompt: Could you do a fanfic about her dealing with chronic pain, maybe combined with her addiction to painkillers? How it’s affecting her relationship with Taylor, how he’s trying to help her etc. And can you keep out Christian because I don’t like him and I’m not over TayGa.

~

Chapter 1

“Are you ready, Stefi?” Taylor Kinney walked towards the brightly lit bathroom, he wore a fancy black suit, ready for a date night with his beautiful fiancé, Lady Gaga. Once he entered the bathroom he seen her sitting in the bathtub, the water of the tub was colored a light pink because of the essential oils and scents she poured in the tub, and a few soap bubbles lay scattered on the water.

“Stef, why aren’t you ready?” He asked kneeling beside the small woman who had her eyes closed. She opened her puffy eyes and looked at him, “Baby, are you okay?” He stuck his hand out and lightly caressed her tear stained cheek, “you’ve been crying, what’s wrong?” He moved closer and she closed her eyes again.

“I-I don’t know, T-Taylor, it’s-it’s happening again.” She stuttered, “my body just hurts so much.” She cried and covered her eyes with her cold, wet hands. Taylor sighed and his heart ached seeing his love in such a bad state of pain. “Let’s get you out of this bath.” He whispered and wrapped his arms around her cold body lifting her out of the tub. “I’m sorry, Taylor.” She cried holding onto his neck tightly. “Sorry for what?” Taylor asked grabbing her towel and wrapping it around her small body. “You wanted to go out tonight, we were supposed to have a romantic night and I fucked it up, I’m so sorry.” She cried harder and held onto him. The pain she felt in her body was almost unbearable and she couldn’t stop crying.

“Baby, Stef don’t be sorry.” He picked her up bridal style and walked to the bed gently laying her down on it, “this is not your fault okay?” He looked into her puffy red eyes. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

“It’s just, you flew here for me and it would’ve been perfect to go on a dinner date, I just can’t help but be sorry.” She cried and groaned at the pain in her body, Taylor leaned down, He grabbed her arms and gently massaged them and he gently kissed her lips. She wrapped her arms around him and tightened her grip as breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself down. “You don’t have to be sorry, okay.” He kissed her plump lips, “I don’t care about dinner anymore, my priority now is making you feel better.” He spoke softly. She smiled and ran her fingers lightly over his cheeks and lifted her body to kiss him. She lied back and groaned at the pain she was feeling. “I’ll give you a massage princess, is it the same pain as last time?” He asked as he moved off of her and she opened her eyes watching as he got off the bed and took his coat off. “Yes.” She sniffled and wiped her cheeks, she looked up at the ceiling trying to take her mind off of the pain but it just got more intense and more sobs escaped her lips.

“What hurts princess?” He got back on the bed rolling up his sleeves. “Everything Tay.” She sobbed and grabbed his arm, Taylor frowned feeling his heart ache, he hated seeing his love in pain, she’s only had this twice recently and he was so glad he was there both times to help her. “M-my foot, h-hip and just-just my whole right side.” She covered her face with her hands and Taylor sat behind her, letting her body rest on his chest, he softly massaged her shoulders. “My face hurts.” She whispered lifting her hands to her cheeks. He placed his hands on her cheek and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones.

After almost an hour of Taylor massaging her body, he grabbed ice packs. He placed one on her right hip, around her ankle, on her torso and held one gently to the side of her face. “I bet I look so pathetic.” She cried and Taylor quickly shook his head. “Don’t say that princess.” He caressed her hair and gently kissed her forehead. “Please lay down with me already.” She pleaded and Taylor nodded. He took his shirt off and his pants, he lied in bed next to her and held her against him. “Thank you for being here for me.” She sniffled and wrapped her arms around one of his muscular ones. “I’m glad to be here.” He whispered against her hair, “princess, We need to make an appointment to the doctor as soon as possible, I can’t stand that you’re in pain.” Taylor kissed her again and she nodded. “I’m just scared of what they’ll tell me.” She opened her mouth to loosen up her jaw that began to feel tense again. “I’ll be here with you, I’ll be here to help you, every time you need me.” He put his two fingers on each side of her jaw and began to gently massage circles. “I’m so lucky to have you.” She closed her eyes and a tear ran down her cheek. “I’m so lucky to be here to help.” He kissed her, “are you feeling better?” He asked and Gaga nodded, “much better, thank you.” She whispered.

~The Next Day~

“Are you ready princess?” Taylor asked Gaga wrapping his arms around her. “Yes I am.” She looked at him through the mirror she was using to apply her lipstick, she turned her head and gently kissed him. “I’m still scared.” She said as she grabbed her purse and watched as he grabbed his phone and the keys to the apartment. “It’s for the best, my love.” He grabbed her hand as he followed her out of the room and walked with his arm wrapped around her waist.

They quickly drove to the doctor's office and after a few tests on her body and looking over her symptoms the doctor sat in front of the two. “With the results of Our tests and the symptoms you’ve been experiencing, we can confirm that you have fibromyalgia, chronic pain.” The doctor looked at her computer and looked back at the couple, “luckily, there are medicines to help with the pain, they are big doses and should only be taken once every two days, the effect with wear off within a good amount of hours and if you have a flare up in the time in between the last dose and the next, there are exercises to help and, as your partner has been doing for you already, massages help. She looked at Gaga’s medical record. “I see here that you take depression and anxiety pills, chronic pain can and does cause depression, you’re always taking pills for depression, which is good, but these pills can also help for depression.” Gaga nodded at all this new given information, and she was beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed. The doctor grabbed a note to write the prescription on, “you can get this at our pharmacy down stairs and more information is on the bottle but you can call me so I can explain more. Any questions?” The doctor looked up at the couple and Gaga blinked a few times before looking at the doctor, “Does this have anything to do with my hip injury of a few years ago?” She asked squeezing Taylor’s hand. “Yes, you say you feel the pain mostly on the right side of your body, the side that your hip broke, so yes it ties down. I don’t know why it is barely becoming an issue but yes it is because of you hip and most of what you put your body through.” Gaga nodded, “And what about my ability to perform?” Gaga nervously bit her lip. “As long as you feel good you can, just do some exercises and stretches before hand to make sure your body feels alright.” The doctor smiled.

“And about these pills.” Taylor gently spoke, shifting in the chair, Gaga turned her head to him and waiting for what he was going to ask. “These are strong doses right? So, do we have to be sure it’s exactly two days before she can drink another? And if she has a flare up that’s unbearable like the last few times, can she drink painkillers or would that be bad for her health?” He asked and looked at Gaga who nodded and the both of them turned their attention back to the doctor. “Good question.” She placed her pen down and looked at the two. “So, these painkillers are known to be highly addictive, that’s why we suggest one pill every two days to decrease the possibility of addiction from occurring, if she dies drink more than one she will begin to act in ways as if she has just taken drugs, if she were to drink a strong painkiller, she may have the same reaction as drinking two of these; hallucinations, disoriented vision and so on, as if she were to have just taken a drug.” She grabbed the prescription. “She may drink something as low Does as a Tylenol, Advil or aleve and preferably the smallest dose, and even then she should push back the intake of one of these pills another day.”

“Damn they’re really strong.” Gaga whispered and the doctor nodded, “Yes they are, I prefer drinking them only when you have a flare up, let's say you have one tonight, drink it and the pain will hopefully go away. If you experience one tomorrow take a low dose of over the counter pills, but it’s better to try to massage the pain away.” Gaga nodded and looked back up at the doctor, “I tend to flare up if I get a wave of depression, will these pills help?” The doctor nodded, “Yes, and by the way you can still drink your depression pills with these, the dosage of your depression pills won’t interfere with these pills.” The doctor smiled. “Okay, Thank you so much.” Gaga stood up and Taylor followed. The doctor handed the prescription to Gaga and the couple walked out of the room.

“How are you feeling?” Taylor asked as they sat waiting for the pills. “A little scared still but relieved that I’ll have something to take when it’s very strong.” Taylor nodded and leaned into her to kiss her lips gently, “I love you.” He whispered and Gaga smiled, “I love you too. Thank you for being here with me.”

~ 

I hope you liked it and that it’s not cringe worthy. 

#tayga fanfiction #tayga #taygashipper #taylorkinney #ladygaga

[no-facts]

a 2020 postmortem

How does one make sense of a whole year? Three hundred sixty-five days, fifty-two weeks, twelve months, four seasons. It’s impossible to see it all in one’s head at once, and so the best one can do is to examine it in chunks, sift through it and pick out key events, try to find the gold amidst all the muck.

2020 was not a kind year to most, at least in the US. Global and national events made sure of that. Nevertheless, I had a fairly decent year, and I’m grateful for that. I was born to parents who, although abusive, are wealthy enough that finances have never been a problem, and happened upon a found family to quarantine with, so that I never had to go back to an abusive home.

So here’s a list of noteworthy things that happened to me in 2020.

Relationships

my quasiplatonic partner and I mutually broke up (February)

I started dating someone new (March)

that someone and I mutually broke up (December)

had crushes on seven new people over the course of 2020

two people had crushes on me (that they told me about)

Living Situation

I got a bid from a student co-op associated with my college (January)

I moved into said co-op (February)

my college kicked everyone off campus (March)

ten of us co-op folks fled to a 4-bed 3-bath AirBnB in Vermont (March)

I ended up being the person in charge of finding our fall living situation, and spent dozens of hours of browsing Zillow and Trulia and calling tens of brokers

I found an amazing place, 6 beds 2.5 baths for $4000/month, utilities covered by landlord

seven of us ended up moving to this house in August, and we’ll be here until end of May

Physics

conducted four physics experiments in my lab class before getting kicked off campus (February-March)

taught myself how neural networks worked in two days, having never taken a machine learning class or done any machine learning before (April)

found 3σ evidence for the Higgs boson by using a neural network toanalyze golden channel data from CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (April-May)

wrote three physics papers in the style of the APS Physical Review Letters (March-May)

gave three fifteen-minute talks about these papers (March-May)

gave a public final oral presentation on my Higgs boson neural network analysis (May)

Acting

wrote, performed, and filmed a 48-minute solo performance, for a class on solo performances (May)

landed the role of Fefu in a virtual production of Fefu and Her Friends (September-November)

cast to deliver the monologue “My Vagina Was My Village” in a virtual production of The Vagina Monologues (November; show will be February 2021)

landed the role of 羅伯特 (Robert) in a virtual production of《誰殺了羅伯特》(Who Killed Robert), a Chinese-language comedy from Taiwan (November; show will be March/April 2021)

cast as an actor for a student-run virtual theater show / escape room experience, my first paid acting role (December; show will be January 2021)

auditioned as an actor for a futuristic quest-for-space educational game geared toward grade schoolers; don’t know whether I’ll be cast (December)

Music

started playing piano seriously for the first time since I was seven or so (March)

started playing ukulele (March)

my partner got me a beautiful Luna uke (July)

wrote my first two songs ever (July-August)

learned some Bach, Chopin, and Debussy on the piano (March-December)

Language Learning

started using Anki for Chinese vocabulary learning (May)

memorized forty-six 五言絕句 (five-character quatrains) from 千家詩 (Poems of a Thousand Masters) and 唐詩三百首 (Three Hundred Tang Poems) (June-August, December)

translated a short play (Back Room, by Zhang Xian) from Chinese to English (October-November)

wrote three 800-word Chinese essays and gave a 10-minute oral presentation in Chinese (September-December)

started seriously trying to learn Taiwanese Hokkien (December)

Other Academics/Job-Related Things

was elected House Meeting Co-Chair for my co-op in both semesters (February, September)

was elected spring Retreat Co-Chair for my co-op; the retreat was cancelled due to COVID (February)

landed an undergrad research opportunity for the summer, in the theater department, with my favorite theater professor (with whom I have now done one research opportunity, two classes, and four shows) (June-August)

landed an undergrad research opportunity for the fall, in the economics department (September-December)

started my job search, looking for jobs in hedge funds because I want to make money before I fuck off and go do an MFA in acting (September)

did nine phone interviews and two full afternoons of video interviews at five companies (September-December)

utterly failed to get a single job offer for the entirety of my search so far (September-December)

Miscellaneous

started drinking alcohol and quickly realized that I absolutely hated it (March)

realized that I did like two things: amaretto sours and low-alcohol-content moscato (sometime between March and August)

started having a daily / weekly Bible study with my parents, which, as a former-Christian-turned-agnostic, has been absolutely The Worst (May)

fell head-first into the MDZS/CQL/The Untamed fandom (May)

started doing Core Support Group (a group in which we do core-targeting exercises) with my housemates daily (sometime between May and August)

cooked enough food for ten people, for the first time (sometime between May and August)

started reading poetry on a daily basis (August)

started wearing my school ring on a daily basis (August)

started doing pull-ups on a regular basis (August)

Of all these, probably the most notable is my accidental falling into the MDZS fandom. Fanfiction reading has been an on-and-off addiction of mine since 2012 or 2013, and I’ve cycled through many fandoms, mainly (in roughly chronological order) Hunger Games, Artemis Fowl, LotR/The Hobbit/The Silmarillion, Star Wars (first six movies only), (embarrassingly) Twenty One Pilots, Game of Thrones/ASoIaF, James Bond, Sherlock, (briefly) the Spideypool ship, and finally, MDZS/CQL/The Untamed. Of my 136 pages of Ao3 history, dating back to February 2018, over 40 pages are filled with MDZS fics. I’d say that’s pretty significant. I’ve read more fic in the past seven months than I have since before college, when I had significantly more free time.

I’ve been wondering when my passion for this fandom will cool. My interests wax and wane, and surely at some point I will get sick of this. But perhaps there’s enough ships that I’ll stave off boredom for a while longer. I’ll admit that I’m mainly a WangXian shipper, but I’m definitely partial to XiCheng, ZhuiLing, XueXiao, SongXiao, 3zun. At some point I’m going to go back and read all the extras to MDZS (I skipped those and went straight to all the fanfic, whoops). And I’ve promised myself that I’ll read SVSSS and TGCF at some point...

Anyways. Let me not turn this post into an analysis of my fanfiction habits. All I mean to say is that fanfic has been one of the few things I have really enjoyed this year, and has kept me sane through so much of quarantine.

But I’m hoping for an end to quarantine, and looking forward to perhaps a fun summer in Taiwan (looking at you, CLS program) and hopefully a well-paying job in the fall (D. E. Shaw? Google? Netflix?). Here’s hoping for a smooth vaccine rollout in the US, and a gradual but sure return to normalcy.

Welcome, 2021. May you be a happier year.

#bye2020 #hello2021