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#I made a new one a few months ago so
vizzarolli · 3 months
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this is a poem i found in my drafts from like, months & months ago. i think it's pretty rad, lowk. it's about religious trauma, jsyk. like. caution & stuff, yfm
i close my eyes, i refuse to breathe. not because i refuse to rejoice his name and call out; more so i refuse to ignite the tears that flow to drown me underneath. like a fire; my tears spread out of my control. the dizziness taking over as the more i breathe gives them more spread throughout my body - turning and caving in within itself. "is this supposed to happen?" my thoughts would race, blurring out all visions and my ears deafening to any divinity that may be trying to help. i am too weak to run, lord. i am too tired to stand and walk on your side; love is a two way street, you have died for me, yet condemn me not for my lust yet for my love. lord, dearest lord i wish to love you. i wish to welcome you into my heart; to be welcomed into your kingdom, but if you spit upon my identity in its entirety; why am i to blame? others can say, "i can give up my sinful lifestyle for him", father, for me it is no "lifestyle" it is my life. i cannot simply "give it up" father, the more i tried the more i became it. this is me, lord; why am i unacceptable? why am i disgusting and vile in your name and eyes. i try my best to surrender my life and heart to you yet devil can seem more welcoming than you at times. father i love you. i do not hate you, i do not wish to cast a stone upon you or cause you any harm. but i can't love you if even my repentance can't suffice for me simply being me.
i do not wish to have religious trauma anymore, my lord. i don't wish to be so doubtful. why must my punishment be my identity? why must i consistently live through mortality with pain, sorrow, and confusion, then strive to live in heaven where i fear i'll only be casted out and put in a stockade for ridicule and humiliation. father, i am lustful, i am slanderous, i am greedy and selfish, father i am a sinner, and i apologize heartfully for it, but i can't rightfully close my eyes and try to fight off my sins if it will be met with a turned face; with a scowl of disgust and disapproval when i try to be happy within my own skin. father i did not ask to be here; the same way i assume you did not ask to be hung. thank you, lord for saving my sins. for dying for me beyond anything i could've ever asked for. but i ask you this; why, why my beloved father, if you could die and go through years, eons of torture for my sins, why is my identity, any different? your love is unconditional, isn't it? what have i done that was so blasphemous to make this fail. i know what i did. i know what ive done. and for that i fully apologize, my dear lord. i beg at your feet; "please, oh please forgive me. please, father, i have lost so much time and time again, please don't cause me any more heartache; please, allow me to hear and see you, oh lord. please, allow me to be happy and fulfilled at some point in eternity. please, lay my worries and stress down to rest and assure me you love me despite all i am; please, i plead you, let us work." please, lord, accept me as i try and accept you as well. i know i cannot do this alone; so please, don't force me to walk alone now.
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s-guacamolearts · 1 year
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Hear me out, what if MANDELTA CATALOGUE
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smimon · 2 months
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Today I am very bitter. Excuse me rambling in tags below
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spaghett-onaplate · 2 months
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mutuals send me the strength to get through tomorrow
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transmaskmetaknight · 1 month
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and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)
i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise
#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles#its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring#im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus.#theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny#actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters#idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me#anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too#and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys#and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male .#maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it.#guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things#i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just.#we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it.#you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week.#but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it.#i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff#but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me.#my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months.#but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy#i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play#all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good.#marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho)#i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often#uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying.#saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up#im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh#text
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namelessrammgirl · 4 months
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#screaming a few things into the void before going to bed#i'm fine. had to drive to work today so I avoided the road where I had the accident yesterday but i'm still shaky#everything makes me brake immediately from fear so... i have a feeling it'll take me some time to fully recover#still have no news about the car#and new job is destroying me. i love it but they decided to put me to help on a project that has some massive problems#so everyone is trying to solve the problems while teaching me stuff and they end up both not following the project and not teaching me#which makes me so frustrated#because I want to help and WORK not only wait for them to fucking end calls to be able to teach me my job godfndammit#and it doesn't help that my daily commute is absolutely tiring (1 hour and 20 minutes total) and even made me have an accident#I want to work from home so bad but as I'm still working I fucking can't yet and FRANKLY#one of the many reasons why I changed jobs is because of the remote work#and I'm not doing it. so you now#I'm fucking grateful I picked up my guitar again 4 months ago because oh my god she's one of the very few things that make me happy lately#the steam I get to release!!! the way I get to love Rammstein even more with each song I learn!!!#speaking of everytime I think I can't love them enough I fucking do you guys#it's not even a matter of blorbos of whatever that's just the cherry on top#by learning their songs I feel so close to them even more than before#and I put them loud while going and coming back from work and I just feel so blessed#trying to sing like Till even if I absolutely can't#and then I come home and try to understand how Paul and Richard play a particular song#or when I find myself doing air drums on the steering wheel#and even in the darkest days I know they're here with me and yeah. am i romantic enough?#only 242 days to go to Campovolo. time is moving slow but it's moving.#i'm so blessed. finding them again and finding this small place here where to share my love for them#so maybe when I do ask myself if this is really worth it the answer could be yes#if I manage to keep in mind how my life changed in these last four months#the only thing I'm really sad about is the RZK signature#I was seriously considering to buy it like really searching on thomann how to buy it in installments and so on#looks like I've a car to buy so... until next time my dream guitar </3#personal stupid stuff
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deus-ex-mona · 3 months
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starting the year ✨wrong✨
#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao#first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice#and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried#that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning#b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs#and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week#b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig#so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa#idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh#i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa#aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk
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sullxo · 1 year
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Not AH supporters getting pissed that people are comparing her to Casey Anthony. And they can’t understand why anyone is compare the two, despite it being clear to anyone with two eyes and a brain.
Literally both are the same in every aspects but their respective cases: (1) both are privileged white women, (2) used sexual allegations and abuse to dispel bad attacks, are (3) complete narcasstic manipulators to everyone around them, and worst of all: (4) gets away with their respected crimes because sadly, our criminal justice system doesn’t prosecute pretty white women. 
That’s it. It doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to understand these basic concepts.
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gloireceleste · 3 months
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Gotta love when your 6000+ year crush kisses you and your brain can’t work quick enough through the panic while your former boss / creepy stalker the metatron is watching from outside.
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stargazerlillian · 8 months
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A video montage of Geoffrey Rush's time in Romania during TIFF 22.
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queen-scribbles · 4 months
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I may have just A) deleted four toons and B) played in the CC to design some v pretty new ones. 👉👈
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prismatoxic · 7 months
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loving the timeline i got to witness of:
-yahtzee reviews a game on zero punctuation -in the course of the script he finds a reason to bring up ayn rand/atlus shrugged, mostly as a joke -brings up ayn rand again as the closing punchline -final credits message is "bioshock was a good game wasn't it" -one day later the escapist uploads a new extra punctuation about why bioshock's opening is amazing
did you get bioshock on the brain by any chance, mr. croshaw?
idk what his schedule of making ZP/EP looks like, though i do suspect that EP might possibly be visually edited by someone else? i'm like 99% sure yahtz still does ZP by himself except to pass it by matt the editor for notes on where he should maybe swear less, but EP is kind of visually different (despite using yahtzee's art still) so maybe he just reads his script and lets matt do the visuals? idk. the man's busy he puts out 2 videos like every week, i wouldn't blame him
regardless, my point is that idk where in the process he decided to make an EP on bioshock, but the idea of him writing the sea of stars script, thinking about ayn rand a little too hard, and getting on a bioshock kick because of it is pretty damn funny
if he addresses this in the bioshock video i'm going to feel very silly but i was just taking a food + youtube break so i only watched the sea of stars review for now
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caruliaa · 7 months
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losing something you once had feels so much worse iv learned then realising youll never get something you never had
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sysig · 8 months
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Your Weekly TV Guide
On Monday you can expect:
2:30 PM: Wander Over Yonder - Emperor Awesome
And Tuesday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Paper craft
Wednesday:
2:30 PM: WOY
Thursday:
2:30 PM: WOY
Friday:
2:30 PM: WOY
Saturday:
2:30 PM: WOY
Sunday:
2:30 PM: Just Desserts - True Villainy AU
Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)
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cycloplasm · 1 year
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happy birthday to every bunny on the planet. here’s almost every bunny oc of mine
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