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ghostennit · 8 months

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September is National Recovery Month!

I planned to do my first lineup of charity streams this month but ended up not doing so due to… a lot of reasons. But I still wanted to talk about it because awareness, education, and destigmatization of substance abuse disorders means a lot to me! This, along with mental health awareness (since both often go hand-in-hand), are things that I’d someday like to build my whole online presence around.

These topics are often taken lightly and I think it’s something that should be handled with a lot more care because you never know who in your communities are fighting with what. Like me.

I’m a recovering drug addict and the day I made my first tweet as a vtuber was the day I decided to clean up. If it were not for Tree, Rue, and Aoka, I would not be here. If it weren’t for all of you, I would not be here. If I had not connected so hard with streaming, I would not be here. I know exactly where I would be… and it’s far, far, far from glamorous.

This is very scary to type out and admit. I’m scared of what you all will think. But I want to be honest with you. I feel like I owe it. And I’m excited for some of the plans I hope will come to fruition. I hope this works the way I hope. I hope you think differently about those who suffer from substance abuse. We don’t choose this. It finds us, digs into our souls, takes away our greatest fears, gives us exactly what we want… but all at a very high price. A price we don’t understand the first time we try it.

We think we’re invincible. We think we’re in control. We think it will be okay. But it’s not.

Substance Abuse Disorders (a way of thinking about it that I want you all to get comfortable with) is often a symptom of other mental health disorders. Despite struggling with the hard shit for years, I actually did not know this. And this is where I’ll lead into my second topic…

I am bipolar. I have been presenting symptoms of bipolar disorder since about 17 years old but I did not even consider that I had it until I was about 28 when I approached my PCP about potentially being ADHD. He gave me a very informal “well, actually…” after several assessments. I thought I was just depressed, anxious, and maybe a little distracted. I thought the rest of my symptoms were normal and I just sucked at managing them. This was during the peak of covid, where getting a psych appointment was impossible. After several months of trying, I gave up. As many of you might know, it was only recently that I finally got my appointment and was officially diagnosed. I’ve been on meds for the first time for a little over a month now and it’s been extremely difficult. The side effects have been horrible, and as some of you might have realized… I’ve been a little all over the place lately.

I’ve beaten myself up to the stars and back about ever fucking with hard drugs. Finding out that addiction is a side effect of Bipolar was very comforting. Finding out that Substance Abuse Disorder was a real thing was eye-opening. Maybe I’m not a fuck up.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg of what I go through. This is just a little part of why I feel like education and destigmatization is incredibly important. Until informally diagnosed, I had a lot of misconceptions of what exactly the disease entails. Most people assume it’s constant mood changing. One minute you’re happy, the next you’re sad. That’s partly true. Instead it’s minutes, It’s days. It’s weeks. It’s months. It’s months of not being able to get out of bed. It’s months not being able to brush your teeth. It’s months of performing so poorly at your job that you’re lucky you still have it. It’s months of feeling worthless.

Then all of a sudden (but sometimes slowly), you’re the best. You’re the greatest. Everyone likes you. You’re doing amazing at work. Your social life is booming. You’re making art. Everyone loves you. You don’t need to sleep. You’re special. You’re too good for it. You’re powerful. You’re clever and exceptional. You can read minds and you’re smarter than everyone else because you know nothing is real and nothing can hurt you. You’re on to them. You’re on to them.

And that’s only some of it.

Anyway, like some of you might have realized from reading this… or following me on twitter recently… I’m manic as fuck right now. I could monologue about this for hours. So I’ll wrap this up.

I’m about 9 months sober now. That’s painful to admit if you do the math and consider when I started streaming. I feel like that admission will let some people down. But relapse, while ugly, is a normal part of recovery. I’m proud of where I am. Prior to streaming, I hadn’t gone more than a month for a few years. I’m proud of me. No matter what, I’m proud as fuck.

So anyway, yeah. Let me tie this up because it’s long as shit. I love you so much if you’ve read this entire thing. I love you so much if you’ve ever supported me. I’m picking up the pieces of who I used to be and I actually feel like I have help doing so.

The plans I have to implement all of this into my streams will be small at first. You probably won't even notice some of it.

I'm going to be very honest. I think it’s important that you see the ugly sides of all of this. I want you to know the signs, the symptoms, and understand. I want you to be able to help a friend or be able to help yourself. I want you to think twice when you haven’t heard from that one pal in months. I want you to think twice when you see someone walking down the street who is clearly out of sorts. I want you to change the way you think about both mental disorders and drug use.

Thank you. Big fucking thank you.

#super personal long fucking post #i'm scared as fuck #be nice #recovery month #mental health #drug addiction #bipolar disorder #vtuber #envtuber #ennitxt #ennitxtsrs

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basilquesadilla · 8 months

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Just a warning, this post is just a rant/vent with about 0 organization, and may also have some mild, vague spoilers.

Watched Heartstopper season 2 with a friend last night, and I think this time that show really hit me hard and made me feel super single with my aromanticism, even with Issac there. I really enjoyed spending time with my friend, but I got sad because my thoughts were going “This isn’t forevee, you’ll be back to being alone soon.” Watching issac feel awkward amongst his own friend group felt so relatable, anf I resonated with that hard.

I feel like my aromanticism is just something I’m constantly going up and down with how I feel about it. I’ll feel great about it for a bit, then i wont feel hood about it at all for a while, which is getting tiring to experience. I often try to attach queerplatonic/platonic meaning to romantic songs, and i tried to do that with the song that played in the final scene where Charlie talks about the bullying he experienced and what it was like. But i couldn’t do it. There’s not even anyone I’ve met that i’d wanna be in a queerplatonic relationship with, aside from a few where i knew there was no chance. I just felt so lonely so I couldn’t even listen to it.

One thing that doesn’t help me is I feel so touch starved yet I’m also often touch-averse, likely due to the former. It took me nearly a.year with my current friends who I met last year to even do hugs, and I doubt it’ll ever go beyond that because i feel like people never show their friends that much physical affection. Especially since, even if i am non binary, i still look like a cis man right now. And I know a lot of people would find like doing any physical affection with me because of that probably, and I’m touch averse so what does it matter anyways lol. It’s just a torturous limbo lol.

My friend was saying how the show made them want to reinstall dating apps, and meanwhile after the show I had to tune my thoughts out with TikTok and listening to other music to avoid my thoughts.

Another thing that hurts is(this is some long context that i need to add) is that after high school ended, i really didnt get to keep in contact with a lot of my friends(Ik that’s common but bear with me). I’d watch some of them thriving and finding friends despite it being 2020 fall semester where covid was still in its full swing in terms of impact on uni, and meanwhile I was alone. I was severely depressed, and lonely. Because no one i met in my courses with other engineering majors clicked with me(the classes were pre reqs for me as a computer science major). So then I got more lonely, and sophomore year was a repeat.

Final week of school that 2nd year i even decided i couldn’t take talking to even my online friends community aside from 2-3 close friends there. Then junior year happens, and i met my current friends. And of course i love them and everything. But i also have this voice in my head saying that the repeat will happen post graduation. We’ll all go to different places, and then they’ll talk to me less and less, and eventually I’ll just feel lonely and isolated again, and be back to thinking some very dark thoughts. And it’s terrifying. And i guess watching heartstopper s2 reminded me of all that, even tho i absolutely adored it still. All i could think in the back of my head was “you will never experience affectionate touch like this. You will never be able to be in a romantic relationship,’or a queerplatonic one. You’ll be lonely and your friends won’t always be there with you.”

So yeah, here I am, back to feeling shitty about being aromantic and hating it. Because instead of feeling the yearning, crushing, and relationships like others. Instead of feeling physical affection like others. Instead of being able to see a future with a partner. All im experiencing right now is bitterness at my lot in life and how i feel like all my friends will slowly leave me, and i won’t be able to make new ones because I suck at doing that as shown by the 2 years before meeting my current ones. And that just makes me feel depressed. I honestly feel kinda broken and hopeless. Aro and thus a lot of relationship options are cutoff from me, cant find people I’d want to enter a queerplatonic relationship with, AND have trouble with making friends. It just feels like I’m destined to be lonely, and ik it isnt supposed to be a factor in that, but it does feel like being aromantic plays a role in this whole mess for me rn. And i hate that.

If you read to the end of this, ty and I greatly appreciate you :) 💛

#quesadilla post #sty rambles #vent #vent post #aro #aromantic #aromantism #heartstopper #heartstopper netflix #hesrtstopper season 2

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thessalian · 1 year

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Thess vs Grief

There was an article a few days ago about video games and grief - mostly about how, while gaming’s always been a good way of taking your mind off grief, recently games have actually been actually dealing with the subject as a main part of the plot. Which, because sometimes my brain works like someone bouncing subject to subject via Wikipedia links, brought me to something a good friend of mine said awhile ago. Because given the games I’ve been playing of late, and how much I’ve been enjoying them, a few things are becoming clear.

See, back in December, when we had that cold snap and there was snow and ice on the roads and no one was salting anything? I posted on my Facebook that I was kind of sad about the situation. I was born in Montreal. I learned to walk on ice-slick pavement ... well, at the same time as I was learning to walk at all. That instinct never left me, either. Now it’s just that ... well, unless I want to put some version of mountaineer’s spikes on the foot of my cane, the damn thing would be a liability. I’m not even sure that would work, and certainly wouldn’t be good in places where the ice was thin. Anyway, fibromyalgia means I can’t walk on ice the way I used to, and I definitely couldn’t risk the fall. So I was a little sad about that.

My friend talked about “the folly of comparing ourselves now to ourselves then” and "comparison is the thief of joy” and something about how we’re different and we shouldn’t look at that poorly. And it took awhile to really understand why I was so upset at him about it. I know he meant well, so I didn’t say anything, but after awhile, I figured out the words I needed for this (though far too late to actually call him on it). The words were these:

“Let me fucking grieve, godsdamnit!”

Because I am. I am grieving for what I could do before everything was made of pain. It’s a process. It’s a long, miserable process, but it’s an important one. It’s like losing a friend or a family member - life goes on, yes, but you’re probably going to end up tripping over something that reminds you of the loss at random intervals for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sad when I realise that I can’t walk on frozen streets anymore - not because “I should be able to do this because I have places to be and I’m letting someone down”, but because “That skill is one of the last things that I in and of myself keep from the place where I was born; that’s a piece of of myself that sings of home, and it’s gone and it’s never coming back”.

There are a lot of things that are gone and they’re never coming back. A careless grocery shop where I don’t have to read the labels of every fucking thing that goes into my cart. Day trips to fun parts of the city. Late night walks in the summer to cool down. Running for buses. Conventions (though I will take the risk if the Critical Role crew ever reschedule the MCM Comic Con appearance they had to miss because it was during the early-ish days of Covid). The cinema. Travel to any significant degree. A general sense that I will at least be able to get up and function most mornings. Umbrellas (because holding up an umbrella for any length of time hurts like hell). Boogieing to music on my headphones (unless it’s a very good day). There’s always something I’m finding I can’t do because it hurts too badly to do it, and thus I grieve in small stages over this one huge loss.

So I think games like I Am Dead and Lost Words: Beyond the Page and Spiritfarer helped me because they reminded me that it’s okay to be grieving. There are stages of grief for a reason; they don’t make the grief go away, exactly, but they teach us how to cope with it. Of course, I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the ‘acceptance’ stage, or maybe I’m already there, I don’t know. Just because you’ve accepted the loss doesn’t mean you’re not going to still feel sad or angry or disappointed or all of the above when another facet of that loss comes knocking.

...I guess the only difference is that if it’s a person you’re grieving for, you can say things like, “They would have loved this”, or imagine them watching you from Wherever Comes Next and cheering you on, or something else that lets you still feel close to the person who’s gone. That’s harder to do with ... you know, physical health. Maybe that’s why I started gardening, and being more inventive in cooking, soon after my diagnosis - just to feel closer to “active and abled and Doing Things”, I don’t know. I reap the benefits either way.

Point being ... yeah, most of the time I’m all about, “Yeah, I’m used to it”. But sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m angry or sad or asking what I did to deserve this. And that’s probably always going to be the case. But it’s just ... a lot bigger than “comparison is the thief of joy”. Because comparison is not the thief of joy. Even with the fibromyalgia, I look at who I am now compared to who I was ten years ago and I am just ... so much better. But ... I can’t even want “just one day without pain” because I know - I absolutely know - that if I had total relief from pain for one day, that pain would feel worse when it came back. But sometimes I wish for it anyway. I wish it was easier. I wish it hadn’t happened. I have to carry on having a life, obviously, and I do so as well as I can with my current limitations. Hell, in some ways I’m doing better than I was before the diagnosis.

Just ... please never ask me not to be sad about it. I am allowed to be sad about it. And angry. And frustrated. I am grieving, and as long as I’m doing it in a healthy way (which I think I am; I can certainly function, at least), I fucking deserve to grieve. And if some of the help I’m getting to keep the grieving process healthy involves video games? ...Hey, I love video games, so silver lining.

#Thess has fibromyalgia

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suckitsurveys · 6 days

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1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? Just working, which is a typical Wednesday.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hours sleep do you consider a decent amount? I run on 5-6 hours of sleep every night and its “decent” but definitely not enough.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? I don’t know, a lot of shit.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? My coworker who is in the room working with me.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? Not sure what you mean by “waterproofs.”

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? I have to get my nieces from school and then take them home and then I don’t have much else planned. Probably continue my Bob’s Burgers binge.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? Probably like once or twice a year? During covid my sister cut it once.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I’m wearing a hoodie, a tshirt, and jeans.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? BEACH.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? I did at one point.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I don’t remember; I was pretty young.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? I see some of them maybe every couple of months.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? I do.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday because I am an emotional wreck right now.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? I'll probably do more. It’s slow today.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I made a bagel earlier, does that count? lol.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I like all of those options.

19 - What caused your last injury? I don’t know what happened but I .

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? I have 4 ear piercings and 1 nostril piercing and like 10 tattoos. The story is that I wanted them so I got them.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? Gardenias. Those don’t normally come in bouquets so I’ve never been given them.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I haven’t ended a relationship over something “small.”

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetizer) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Appetizers.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? No one particular place.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? In my immediate family, not that we know of. But my niece had it once so I’m like 99% sure my sister did too, she just never tested because she never got symptoms.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No and no.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? I enjoy both.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? Uhhh my earrings were; my sister got them for me for Christmas this past year.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? Purple.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Nope and nope.

#surveys

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jwnbwnjwn · 2 years

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Entry 10 (04.08.2022) - (05.04.2022)

Ironic how on my last data entry I was shocked how it took me about half a year to update, yet here I am almost a whole year later. I had plans to blog, but I kept pushing it off thinking the last time I did wasn’t that far long ago. I guess I’ll start by reading off my last entry and go on from there.

I never started keto again, I mean I wanted to, but I never got around to actually doing it. I’m glad I didn’t though, I feel like that was the tipping point of the start of an eating disorder. It’s kinda sad to think I was at that point where I would plan to change my diet and body for anyone. I get it if I wanted to lose weight, and I did, but in hopes it would make Mr. love me again. The thing is, I wasn’t even big, I was skinny, average, normal. Even now, a year later, I’ve gained weight, but i’m still normal ; i’m fine with my weight and my body - i’m fine. I see I had also mentioned how i got vaccianted cause of covid. My thoughts on vaccinations and the medical field have changed, and to say the least, i’m not against it, I just think encouraging our bodies to naturally heal and fight diseases is best. I like to think we were born with everything we need, why would we come into this world missing things for survival? Yeah things develop, that’s why our bodies need to as well, but in a natural way. Not some man made drug that profits off the fear installed into society. I’d like to get into veganism eventually, but weening off of the sick American diet is hard especially since I’ve been on it for my 21 years of life. I mentioned how I was starting summer classes in the last entry. I did end up transferring to my dream uni, and it’s been good. i’ve finally settled into the town and actual uni life. My grades haven’t been the best, so I’m just kind of waiting until summer to redeem myself. I’m just trying to find myself in this world again. My relationship with my dad has gotten better. I left it off how we were in an argument, and he eventually ended up coming home for a bit and apologizing - not as grand as I would’ve wanted it to be, but he did apologize in fear of losing his daughters. Now he’s back home in Indiana and he plans on coming back to our hometown soon towards the end of the year. He always says that and lies so I’ll try to keep this updated to see if he really does. He said he was aiming for October I think. I reached out to that professor and then dipped - I legit never responded even though it stays in the back of my mind. I mean I got back to this, that’s progress, so I’m sure i’ll do it eventually. I’ll aim for this week. I left my job back in August of 2021 because I was getting ready to move to my uni. It was a good job, and I meant to get a job when I came to school but I never got around to it. I kinda don’t want to work ever again, well lazy jobs I mean. Next job I have would probably be within my degree hopefully.

I am also no longer with Mr. I don’t know if you’re as surprised as I am typing it out, to me atleast I just never thought it would actually ever happen. Let me elaborate. The last thing I had mentioned about him was the incident he got himself into regarding the pictures. That eventually blew over and the few months before I had to pack and move 7ish hours were good between us. It had finally felt like things were how they were supposed to be. He came to drop me off along with my family and things were good. It wasn’t until I was finally alone in this new town that I actually started processing everything that had happened. My body and mind were coming to the realization that what he did wasn’t right in any way at all. I started feeling guilty, and sick and responsible for enabling it. I also noticed that he wasn’t talking to me as much as he used to. We knew it was going to be hard considering we were starting long distance so we had planned to call every night or anytime we had time just so we wouldn’t lose that connection, however he never wanted to. I get if he was busy, but the thing is even before when I was there and he was busy he always had time for me, yet now he didn’t have time for a phone call? Atleast one? Anyways, I was starting to realize I didn’t mean as much to this man like I thought I did, and after talking to him and things not changing, I knew I was going to break up with him. Throughout all of this I was talking to this friend here at uni, and with the temptation growing stronger each day, one night changed everything. Mr. was asleep so I wasn’t going to drop a whole breakup text for him to wake up to, but at the same time this friend, let’s call him vampire, had me riled up; I’m talking like, we were so incredibly horny that we needed to fuck so bad, and that’s cause I was on my period at the time. I figured it wouldn’t be so bad to have sex with vampire if I was going to break up with Mr. the next day anyways, so I did it. I had sex. And I know it wasn’t the right choice, I know now that I shouldn’t have caused the unnecessary pain. Although, let me add this sex wasn’t good, however it was the first time I ever felt anything during intercourse. It did feel good every here and there, nothing exciting but, I felt something you know? Anyways, the next morning I sent a text breaking up with him for the reasons stated above, however I felt even worse because the guilt of cheating ate me alive. And it broke my heart seeing him so worried because I hadn’t replied in the last almost 48 hours. But seeing him beg not to leave him as things were starting to get good (which doesn’t make sense to me considering the little effort he put into communicating) broke my heart. I told him what happened, and how I cheated and I mean, I told him the truth you know? He was surprised, and shocked, and this eventually led to a break between us, not a break up, but a break ; so that we can both focus on ourselves to better eachother and each own. This took place sometime in October. As the month went on, I noticed he didn’t care to communicate, which I mean, he had that right. I don’t remember specifics or really much from that month, but one night where I was having a panic attack and called him in the middle of the night, hoping he would pick up, he didn’t. Even when he woke up and saw it, he didn’t call, text, nothing. I took it as my sign that he had given up, that he didn’t care at all. I texted him asking what was up, why didn’t he care you know? And he basically said he didn’t want to, he had chosen to focus on himself. And after a intense talk about how much we meant to eachother, we both mutually agreed to break it off. We officially broke this off on November 18th I think. I asked him if he would want to try this again years down the road, and he had said 100% yes. I held this dear to my heart for the months after. I mean, I thought I had expericed love before, but what I would call that now would be lust. This, what I had with Mr., this was love. This was my first heartbreak, my first love. And breaking up and dealing with it and focusing on moving on was an experience. The months passed by, and really it was almost a no contact breakup. I had messaged him when I saw he graduated, just to congratulate him and he replied thankful for the message. And then as my final goodbye I messaged him on NYE to say I hope he was doing good and that I had much love for him, and he replied that he loves me, and foolishly I replied I love him too. And that was it. I wanted to start the new year free from it all.

The months after this I spent on my own, learning things and getting back into hobbies. Mr’s bestfriend, let’s call him Lemon. A little background about my history with lemon, we went to middle school together for a year before I transferred to another school, and we dated the next year for a bit. It was literally one of those middle school relationships, but I remember I did like him a lot, to the point where I considered him my first love for a while. We broke up and then I didn’t talk to him for the longest time, and he showed up one day as Mr’s best friend because they both play the same instrument. And when Mr. and I were together, I would see Lemon a bit and we would talk, but not as much as we obviously would - I mean we just weren’t that close. After we broke up though, I thought he was going to cut me off and completely just remove me as a friend you know - because I saw him as more of Mr’s friend than mine. But when we broke up he told me I’m his friend too, and we eventually grew closer as he was there for me after my breakup. Now he’s extremely close to both my siblings, we play psn almost every week and at this point Lemon is a brother to me. After some time, I wanted to give the dating scene a change again, kind of out of curiosity. I got tinder back in December when I went home from Christmas, and I matched with several people however it didn’t really turn into anything; just your basic tinder chats. There was this one guy who I had matched with that I thought was hilarious because he looked similar to Mr., and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be so funny if this was the guy I ended up with?”. It would be one of those relationships where people date someone who look like their ex. I just remember laughing and thinking people who did that were weird. Anyways, I start chatting with this guy and we eventually moved it over to Instagram where we would chat for a bit. He was funny, I’ll give him that. He made me laugh and we had the same sense of humor. We would go on to talk for I think about two weeks? I went back to uni for college and I just remember he was about to move to SA to live. Anyways, the conversation died down and I stopped replying because I mean, I was bored. I didn’t give it a second thought. I mean I always meant to unfollow him, I just never did cause I got lazy. After this, I was back in my uni town and I had matched with this guy who was 28, and it was whatever, but he suddenly asked me to go over one day and I was like yo? It started a whole conversation that would go on for weeks, and eventually we did hook up. He was attractive, I’ll give him that. And it was cute, when I walked in he had candles lit up since I was scared of the dark. The experience was good I guess, I’m just glad it happened with someone so chill. Afterwards he wanted to go out to get lunch and stuff but I never took him up on it. One day I guess he got tired of it all and asked what was the point of us keeping in contact if it wasn’t going to turn into anything, and I mean I didn’t mind the company but seems he did since he left me on delivered for the longest time after that. Here in my town we use this app called yikyak, where people can annonymously post and anyone within the app thats in a 5 mile radius gets your posts in their feed. There was this guy who had asked if anyone wanted to sext for a bit, and I took his offer since I was bored. I thought I was going to have to entertain this guy, but actually the sext conversation was good and it got me excited - these sexts don’t happen honestly. I felt like I was Jane in Jane the Virgin that one time she was sexting her professor. Anyways this went on for like two days? before I eventually gave in in the middle of the night and went over to his place at 3 am to have sex. I mean, atleast the sexts were good because the actual altercation as disappointing. He was so gentle, and I’ll give him points for that, but almost too gentle where he seemed scared. He touched me for a bit and I didn’t feel anything after a while. He literally just touched me, he didn’t eat me out or anything. After what seemed forever he asked to put it in and this man busted in what seemed 2 minutes. It was so overhyped I wanted to die. Afterwards he kept touching me until eventually I faked it and I just chilled for a bit until he basically kicked me out for some sleep LMAO. It was the most overhyped thing in my life. I mean, every woman has one of those right? An experience where the guy busts in under 5 mins? After this I just kept doing my thing, just chillin. I never kept up with either of them after that. Remember the guy I had mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph that was moving to SA? After I ghosted him, I didn’t message him again until valentines day. I still had him on Instagram only because I was too lazy and procrastinated removing him - I mean I’m very private about my social medias, so for me not to talk to this guy anymore, I always planned on removing him. I would swipe up on his stories and one day we just rekindled. We would stay up talking all night and day and overtime I mean, we grew to like each other - like really like each other. Eventually we got really close and he was determined to come see me in person, despite my college town is three, almost a four hour drive from where he lives. Honestly, we were both nervous meeting eachother. I would even question and doubt what I was doing, having this guy I’ve never met before come visit and stay with me for a bit. Like seriously, I would just sit in doubt and ask if I was doing the “right” thing, because it’s almost like I felt guilty for talking and getting this close to another male after Mr. But I knew if I kept myself in that mindset, I would never move on, and I would never move past things. So this guy came over, let’s call him Jam. Jam came over and it was a bit nerve wrecking at first, but I quickly got comfortable with him. He was so sweet, and so nice that it made it so easy to be my true authentic self with him. And I think he was too, even though he was a little bit more nervous than I was. The first night we were getting ready for bed, and that’s the first night we had sex. And it was amazing. I’ve had sex with guys before, but usually it’s more for their pleasure, and I usually don’t get turned on, I’m just kind of there for my body to be used. But with Jam, I actually was in the mood, and the whole intercourse happened how it was supposed to. Both parties were in the mood, we were feeling it - it was great. And it was a big step for me because this was the first time I ever felt this way with sex. I was so scared for so long that I wasn’t going to be able to have good ol sex, that there was something wrong with me, or I didn’t know what I was doing, but with Jam it all just fell into place. We had sex multiple times for the short four/five days he stayed with me, and it was great. Not only that, but we talked about everything, our fears, lives, hopes, like seriously - everything. The days he was with me we spent eating, watching tv shows, and just bonding with eachother. It was great, and amazing, and when the time came for him to leave we both cried like a bunch of weasels. It was great after that and about a month later, he came to visit me again in late April. His birthday was in the middle of the month, so I got him a goodnight punpun sweater, which is a manga he got me into that literally destroyed my heart. A manga I hold close though, becasue I kin almost all of the characters. We spent about five days together again, and this time it was so much better. His first day here after we came back from getting breakfast, we were in my room and he held my hands and asked me to be his girlfriend. 4/21/2022. We had so much sex, but not only that, but I finally finished for the first time, like climaxed. Now THAT is something I thought would never happen. I thought there was something legitimately wrong with me because I mean I could never feel good with someone, much less finish. But Jam got me there, and may I add, even made me squirt. He even got me to try crawfish, something I never thought I would just because they look so scary, but I did and it was so good. We got so much closer this time around and it was amazing. And when the time did come for him to leave, it was very sad again. Ever since then things have been good. We still text and call all the time. I even told my dad and siblings about him. I’ll tell my mom when I see her in person, but other than that my family knows. He’s told his mom about me as well, she said i’m cute c: I see him again sometime next month, since this relationship is mostly long term. But thats fine, I know its special with him - I feel it. Almost like it’s the one, you know?

All these blessings to my life and there still is unfortunate things that have happened. I ended my friendship with Seatbelt. I had come across a tiktok that had said “Not being friends with the person that traumatized my friend”, and I laughed and it and thought to myself “Ha.” because seatbelt had previously been friends with this one girl who despised me and Ice. And then I thought to myself “I wonder if she is friends with the guy that assaulted me?”, so I unblocked him on facebook and checked, and to my surprise she is. In the process of doing so, I thought to myself like, theres no way she would be friends with him still. I mean I didn’t think she was that low of a person. Thats the keyword though, I didn’t think. I asked her why, and she said she thought it was another guy who assaulted me - but this just showed me how little she payed attention to the many times I told her what happened. Not only that, but she followed Jam on Instagram and then unfollowed him AFTER he followed her, which I thought was also pretty weird. So I decided to call it quits, since she wanted to play it as if I’m the one who did wrong. She had always been shady, but this was a whole other level. I remember when me and Mr. had broken up, she would always text when she would see him, or when he was near her. Like, I don’t care man. It felt like she was rubbing it in my face, and for no good reason too. So, I figured I didn’t need someone like that in my life, especailly after I’m so personal with everyone after the incident with Mr. I remember Seatbelt had told me how she was going through her moms messages and found out the boyfriend of this girl we went to school with had been flirting with her mom. I didn’t want any karma, much less relationship karma coming for me so I decided to tell the girl, and I felt good doing it. After this Seatbelt blocked me on Facebook and Instagram. I don’t mind, I mean, I’d rather lose a shady friend than be on edge all the time.

Other than this, nothing else has happened. Its finals week right now and I go home sometime next week, which I am excited for. It took me a while to finish this post, but I’m slowly but surely getting back on things. I’ll update again eventually. See you soon.

Ended this at 05.04.2022 at 4:42 PM.

-jen

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wolfofwritingstreet · 2 years

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Can you do an encanto fic where the reader is a part of the madrigal family (Pepe's child). Her gift is empathy with different colours and sounds and stuff (like she reads people's emotions with her 5 senses). And one day she just gets overwhelmed from all the different emotions of her family but it's also a nice ending because family. (hopefully this makes sense)

Dinner tricks

Prompt: A nice family dinner can never go without an overwhelming argument, and so you pull out a secret trick to help you stay calm.

Tone: Light + Family love

Warnings: None

Word count: 1,112

A/N: Staying on that Encanto grind, just for you my honourable loser who I also know is you. Requests will remain open, but beware it will be a couple days minimum until your request as it is now one a day if I can <3

Dreading school with all my fat heart, but at least my original books n world is coming along nicely. Remember mask up and be respectful during these covid times, don't be afraid to slander Bojo either xx

// Part 2 // Final part //

———————————

MADRIGAL FAMILY X FAMILY FEM!READER

“Mama?” You called, following the smell of fallen rain that lay around the building despite it being sunny. “Mama, where are you?” The smell got stronger, and you let your gift guide you towards who ever was feeling sad. The smells always came from sadness, the sounds from anger, the glowing atmosphere around people for whatever else they could possibly be feeling.

You’re gift was as brilliant as it was tiring, always having to feel what other people felt had its positives and negatives. The worst part was having to put your own emotion behind you in order to guide others back to a yellow glow of happiness, it was what your abuela wanted for the town, and so you wanted it as well. Of course that didn’t mean you couldn’t help yourself at times, after all it was your gift.

You gently knocked on Isabela’s door, the source of the fallen rain smell. “Isa, are you ok?” There was a silence, and is you cracked the door open into the room overflowing with flowers. “Isa?”

“Get out! I’m fine.” She shouted, and you braced yourself at the loud crackle of electricity that popped in your ears.

“Isa, I can help you.”

“Go away! I’ll be down in a minute.” You leaned against the door for support, giving a gentle nod and closing the door behind you. Now you’d only electrified the rain smell, so it crackled softly in your ears, you felt for your sister Doleras in the times the noises were loud. Luckily, she couldn’t hear emotion made sounds, unluckily for you that was all you could sometimes hear.

And it always got worse during-

“Dinner!” Maribel called, giving you a high five as you glided past. Maribel was never short of her golden glow, and you didn’t like to pry when it dulled as you all showed your gifts. Your cousin had enough grief as it was.

“Abuela.” You greeted, kissing her cheek and sitting down next to your mama who had managed to get to the table quicker than you.

“Where is Isabel?” Your auntie asked, handing out her perfectly baked goods.

“Here.” Isabel appeared in the doorway, looking perfect as usual. It was only you who could smell the damp rain on her, and she gave you a warning look to say nothing.

“Everyone sit.” Abuela commanded, and everyone took their dutiful places.

Your papa and his bright golden glow, and the taste of chocolate that wafted off of him every time he was near your mama. You associated the smell of chocolate with love, as everyone in your family loved chocolate, some a bit too much.

Camilo your brother always had a breeze that sent goosebumps up your skin, it was because the boy was always rushing around and out of breath but excited.

Louisa and Isabel always hid their emotions the best, but when you focused all your senses you could feel every bit of pressure abuela put on them. But, that wasn’t your place to say anything until they did.

Everyone else had relatively neutral emotions, that didn’t cause your mind to much harm. Yet, there was still your mama, and her tendency to feel extreme emotions. Abuela always told her to hide them, and often relied on you to keep your mother calm. This dinner was no different, as one spilt jug of water from your baby brother Antonio had started the formation of a dark cloud above you.

“Pepa, the cloud.” Abuela scolded, she always did that to mama when her emotions caused an inconvenience. You knew what was coming next and rolled your shoulders, already feeling the incoming task. “Y/n, fix it so we can enjoy a nice family dinner.”

“Yes, abuela.” You dutifully rested your hand on your mama’s arm, letting her negative energy surge into you like a strong river current.

“She does not need that.” You papa said, brushing off your hand but the damage was done. One of your abuela’s favourite talents of yours, was your ability to absorb negative emotions for people. She had sometimes come to you wordlessly, and you would take on some of her burden without letting your parents know.

“It’s alright, papa.” It wasn’t alright, your head was now throbbing. So much so, you knew that you’d end up having some of your aunt’s snacks at night when your stomach settled again.

“She is overwhelmed, mama.” Abuela looked at you, with something in her eyes that told you to calm your mama down immediately.

“No, it’s alright. I’m fine really. Just hungry, let’s eat.”

“She is not fine, look at her!” You winced as a crackle filled your ears, the smell of rain pungent and your skin prickled as everyone’s tension rose in their bodies.

“Please, calm down.” You mumble, pinching your nose for a minute to try and block the smell out. “Please, everyone.” Nobody listened as they began to argue over the table, not noticing you were heading straight into overwhelmed territory.

“Be quiet!” Camilo tried to help you, but his energy only buzzed up your spine.

“Hey, guys?” Maribel tried after him, noticing the way you were clutching the table and shaking your head side to side to dull the noise.

“I SAID CALM DOWN.” You screamed, every sense in your body bursting with life as the table fell silent. For a moment you felt nothing, everything in the room was empty of feeling.

“Woah I feel weird.” Camilo muttered, beating his chest. “Nope, heartbeat is still going.”

“Y/N.” Your papa whispered, rubbing your back in a soothing circle.

“I know.” You took a deep breath in, releasing the emotion back into people after a moment. You’d learnt that trick the first time you’d become too overwhelmed with the town emotions. It was a weak trick you didn’t have the privacy to practise, but it numbed people’s emotions long enough for you to calm down. When you relaxed back in your seat, your mama wrapped a protective arm around you as Abuela turned with narrowed eyes.

“When did you learn that?”

“I’m sorry, abuela. I just got overwhelmed.”

“You shouldn’t use your gift for selfish reasons.” You sunk back in the chair, pushing your food around with a fork. “As a Madrigal you should honour the miracle.”

“Yes, abuela. I won’t do it again.”

“Well I thought that was pretty cool.” Maribel smiled across the table, fixing her glasses. “Felt a bit weird, so let’s uh, not do that thingy thing again. Still cool though.”

You smiled slightly, trying to hide the fact you didn’t regret your trick one bit.

It was your gift for a reason.

——————–

Links:

Main master-list –> Here

Misc master-list –> Here

#encanto imagines #encanto x reader #camilo x reader #camilo madrigal #maribel madrigal #maribel x reader #isabela madrigal x reader #encanto pepa #madrigal family

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incredible-fishes · 3 years

Text

✨💋 Prom queen 💅🏼💕

#I made this because I’m sad that Covid means I’ll never get to go to prom #prettiest girl at the prom #horrror #horror core #dark aesthetic #crying in my prom dress #Teen idle

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libraford · 4 years

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The short version: We had a serial thief at the flower shop. She’s retired recently and I think that due to Covid she really means it this time.

The long version? hoooo boy, here we go.

This story, and others, are viewable on Tablo

There are rules and there are rules.

In dealing with shoplifting in retail, there are rules on how one engages with a thief. The handbook, if there were one, would consist of a single word.

Don't.

Don't pursue, don't interrogate, don't accuse. Let them take the merchandise, let them get away. Let them return the Cricut machine for an equivalent amount on a gift card to be exchanged once again for drugs.

Let them.

There is no handbook on how to handle Flower Thieves. Prior to working in a flower shop, I never thought that this was a problem.

Life is surprising.

I'm sure some of you have figured that out by now.

The Flower Thief is notorious, and she has a system. There are days when you simply know that she's going to be in.

"Break the heads off the flowers before you throw them away," Grandpa will say. "She's going to be here tonight, I think."

And sure enough, she would be. At 6:45, a quarter til we close- the Thief would announce her arrival. Loudly.

"Heeeeey, baaaaaaby!"

The very first time I encountered the Flower Thief, she came in through the back door.

"Oh Hiiiii, Darlin'- ain't seen your face around here: you must be NEW! I'm Wren, you know- like the bird? Well, Kyle and I have an agreement that I come and work for y'all sometimes. You should take out this trash, it stinks to high heaven. Anyways, nice talkin' to ya, see ya later."

I may only be a little bit psychic, but I've spent enough time around liars to know insincerity when I see it. Kyle, at the time, was the manager of our store and I have it on record that he's tried to throw her out of the building once or twice.

While I was taking out the trash, her pile of purchase became so tall it towered over her. I watched Clark massively undercharge her for the sake of getting her to go away.

She has a pattern.

She comes in during the design classes because she knows that when there's twenty people in the store, there's not enough people to watch her and make sure she's not stealing. "There's a class today," she asks as if it's not literally every Tuesday. "Don't worry I know you all wanna get out of here on time."

The Flower Thief announces her presence in a grand way and then makes her way to the back to grab a trash bag or an empty box and then proceeds to bury any spare parts she finds in the cooler in the trash bag, hiding them under the things that she's actually buying.

After that, she checks the garbage cans for things we might have thrown away that will last another three days and stuffs them underneath her other ill-gotten goods.

Just when you think she's finished, she'll go through her pile of flowers and say: "You know what? I don't need this eucalyptus." And she'll go back into the cooler with it, stuff it in her purse, and walk back to the register.

And when she's all done being sneaky, she asks one of us to come ring her out.

This is the part that no one wants to do. Because ringing out the Flower Thief means haggling with the Flower Thief.

"Oh baaby, you know I don't pay those prices."

"Oh baaaby, I only pay $19 for roses."

"Oh baaaaaaaaaby, those carnations were on special."

She'll talk you down to under $100 with a sob story:

"Oh baaaaby, you know I'm donating this spray to the family. It's for that woman you know- you know the one. She got herself murdered a couple nights ago? Two children and she was pregnant too! Pregnant! Can you believe it? Who murders someone with child? What's the world coming to? So I need a good discount to make sure we treat this family right because they got a looooong road ahead of them."

"Oh baaaaaaby, you know this one's for that car crash over on Cleveland Avenue? I hear he was taking care of his dying father himself, so it's such a shame for him to go first like that."

"Oh baaaaaaaaaaaaaaby, this is for that little boy that shot himself, isn't that sad?"

Thank you, Sister Mary Loquacious.

And you nod because you don't want to come off as an uncaring sociopath. And while you're nodding and adjusting the price for her sad, sad consequence and mulling over how good she is for donating to these people in their time of need, she steals some greens from the trash can and sticks them in her bag.

She hands you crisp $100 bills. You check them and she makes jokes about how she printed them this morning. They're legit. Counterfeiting isn't why she went to prison.

What she went to prison for was drug trafficking.

"Do you need some help," you ask, trying to be a good citizen.

"Oh no, I got it," she insists. "I'll make it in two trips. I'm stronger than I look!"

And don't you dare get caught looking to see what she put in the bag or she will give you one hell of a lecture.

By the time all of this has passed, the class will be over and there will two minutes left in the work day. She's spent thirty-seven minutes in the store. Your register is unbalanced because now you don't have enough small bills to balance it and only have one $100 bill to get you through tomorrow.

And that's why there are rules.

On occasion, a new person will break the rules not knowing that there's rules. One such occasion was when Clair decided to be helpful.

"You know what? I don't need this eucalyptus," Wren said.

"Oh! I'll put it back for you," Clair suggested. And before Wren could protest, it was out of Wren's hands and nowhere near her purse.

It was mentioned to Sage, who only worked for us one summer, that Wren had failed to pay for something and she immediately chased her out into the street.

Wren drives very fast.

If you cross her too many times, she'll make sure you never forget it. One day, she stomped her way in through the front door, angry.

"You ain't treated me better than a damn THIEF," screamed the Flower Thief.

Grandpa, who was helping Blue make a wedding bouquet at the time, departed from the desk. "Beg pardon?"

"A thief! You been treating me like a thief ever since they made you manager and I'm sick of it! I see you bringing in your henchmen, following me in the cooler, chasing me down the street. Treat me with some damn respect."

Words were exchanged. They were not kind. We thought we'd seen the end of her.

But she was back one week later, doing the same damn thing.

So now there are rules.

If you make something and there's an excess of flowers left over from the pack, you have to make something out of the leftovers or she'll pick through them and stuff them in her bag.

If you cannot make something out of them, you must throw them out.

If you throw them out, you must break the heads off first.

The trash cans must be emptied every night before 5:00.

We do not keep trash bags in plain sight.

Break down all empty boxes, or she will use them in place of trash bags.

Do not leave any food or drink where she can find it.

Do not leave any half-used rolls of floral tape where she can find it.

Do not let her know anything about you- lest she use it against you.

If you speak of a Thief, you summon a Thief- speak quietly, and never her name or you invite trouble.

The basic rules one makes when dealing with pests. Or fairy-folk.

There are rules and there are rules and there are rules.

If you want to keep a pest away, you make these sorts of rules. But if you want to get rid of a pest indefinitely, you have to remove their food source. And Wren's food source was her discount.

You start exercising your right to say 'no' to a customer in small ways.

She saw a bunch of carnations in the trash and said:

"Oh baby, these are still good! I'll take them off your hands for you!"

"They've been sitting without water for hours."

"They're still good!"

"They were out in the sun."

"Oh baby, I've been working with flowers for 40 years and I know that these will still be fine for a couple of days!" She picks a bunch of them out of the trash and shoves it in my face. "See, it's still stiff- it's still good!"

"Okay," I said. And before I could stop myself: "Full price."

Her eyes just about popped out of her skull. If it were just a little bit colder, I would have been able to see steam coming out of her ears.

We stared at each other for about a minute, waiting for the other to flinch. She took the bunch away from my face and threw them back into the trash. While she was in the cooler, I took the liberty of snapping the heads off of them and burying them further into the garbage.

And so began a war between the flower shop and the Flower Thief.

She came in: every single night. And each night, she got me.

Again.

"Oh no, baby! These carns are supposed to be 39 cents a stem. I can bring up the email."

"Sure." She brings up the email. "I see that they are 39 cents but... this was for Saturday."

"Yea, and I bought those carns on Saturday and you charged me full price!"

"Saturday."

"Yeah."

"You didn't buy these on Saturday. You bought them Friday."

"Well I didn't know that they'd be on sale, so I need them for that price because I didn't know they'd be on sale."

"The sales are one-day only. I can't adjust a sale from Friday to reflect Saturday's sale... on Sunday."

She made a noise that reminds me somewhat of a cement mixer.

And again.

"I got a bad banner last time, can you print me a new one?" She shows me the banner in question. It's white. The 't' and the 'h' in 'mother' ran together.

"Sure."

"Okay, I need it to say 'Beloved Mother' and I want it in pink."

"Sure."

I print it. I ring her up $5.

"Oh baaaaaaby, no, that one should be free."

"Grandpa said- banners start at $5."

"Oh, but you sold me a bad one last time."

"We haven't sold you a banner in three weeks. How long have y'all had that body sitting in your cooler?"

She grumbled, and paid.

And again.

"I swear you been workin' every night this week! You must be tired," she said, nerves plain in her voice. "When do you get a day off?"

"When the work is done."

"That ain't what I'm askin'. When's your next day off, baby?"

"I stop working when the work is done, Wren."

She narrows her eyes, which is a fun change from them bugging out of her skull like a fruit fly. "You don't ever get any days off?"

"When the work stops, I rest."

And again.

"I'll be in and out, I know y'all want to get out of here on time," she said- announcing her presence to the entire class. She piled her stuff across the register counter and Grandpa began ringing her up.

"Oh baby..."

"No. We're doing away with the discounts."

There are twenty people in the workshop for the class and Grandpa doesn't want to make a scene. She pulls her into the back, and I choose to make my instructions louder to mask the sound of them yelling.

"So you're going to take your hypericum berries and you're going to cut the stem to about ten inches-"

"How can you do this to me?"

"And you're going to slowly fill the vase with these berries to kind of set the shape of the arrangement."

"After all these years and this is how you treat me?"

"Fun fact- you might know hypericum berries as their more common name: St John's Wort! St. John's Wort has been used as a medication for depression prior to modern medicine." You see- I, too, have taken notes from the Chattering Order.

"You can't do this to me," Wren said, stamping her feet like a toddler.

"But I wouldn't recommend eating them. However, they do smell somewhat like baked brown sugar."

Stamp, stamp, stamp.

Wren threw herself into the cooler and began putting a bulk of her flowers back.

"This is robbery," I heard her say to Grandpa at the register.

"Is it now?"

And again.

She came in and immediately reached for a half-empty box of oasis bricks (the green sponge material that we use to hold flowers.) She said few words to me, few at all. She talked to Carrie about how she was going out to the country for awhile, to take care of her nephew's property. She needed to stock up. And oh- don't worry about it, she knows what she's doing. She's part of The Family.

She is in no manner of speaking, a member of The Family that owns this shop. Not even a third cousin.

I saw her beeline for a rose I'd set in the trash. I picked it up, opened my mouth, and bit the head off of it. She stood in the middle of the workshop, absolutely stunned.

Rose petals have the vague texture of arugula, by the way. Slightly sweeter, though. Tough to swallow in one go.

She ran back into the cooler and didn't talk to me.

I began taking down numbers.

27 bricks of oasis. One pack of roses. Ten calla lilies. 1/2 pack of assorted greens.

I punched the numbers in to the register. As if sensing something was amiss, she emerged from the cooler.

"$54? What do I have that's $54?"

"The oasis. They're $2 each."

"Oh no baaaaaby, they're $1."

"I can text Grandpa and ask her."

"... that won't be necessary. Why are you charging me $22.50 for roses? You know my prices by now!"

"22.50 is the price for a pack of roses."

"22.50 is everybody prices."

"Welcome to 'everybody.'"

"I ain't paid a price increase in 7 years!"

"The price of milk went up, Wren. So does everything else."

She was seeing red, I knew it. There's a vein in her forehead that pops out when she's angry and it's the same shape as the river that runs through my home town. She sized me up, as if wondering if she could take me.

I'm 256 pounds of 4H beef, and I have a knife. Try me.

"I'm gonna call Kyle on this."

"Do it." A lifetime of retail has made me immune to 'I'd like to speak to the manager.'

She grumbled and put things back. Carrie offered to watch her, I held up my hand.

"Can you do something for me on these carns? They're the last pack in there and they're lookin' kinda ratty."

"9.50."

"9.50's the regular price."

"Regular price is $14."

"No it ain't."

"Is today. You're taking our last pack and we need those for funerals."

She put them back.

She gave me a credit card. It seemed fake, but it ran. Every time I see here, she's got a different card. Did she print this one this morning, too? At least she stopped trying to sell me on Bitcoin. As you can see, it made her incredibly wealthy.

She gathered her things and left. "Guess I'm getting the rest of my flowers from KROGER!"

There are things you want to say. Like... I hope they enjoy your company just as much as we do. Or: Haven't graced them with your presence in awhile, huh? But at the time, it was better just to watch her leave with her minuscule bunch of flowers. I get a choice in where I loan my voice.

Not here.

Is it over? Nah. She'll be back for another round. But one day she'll finally retire in the way that she's always threatened to. And then? Then it can be as over as it ever will be.

It is shocking to come from a history of retail, where you're not allowed to even hint at the idea of a customer being wrong, where you have to override every single price change to get the scores up, where you have to just let them steal your things and pull the wool over your eyes...

... to flat-out telling someone 'no.'

"No."

It's such a great word.

There are rules and there are rules.

And there are thieves that the rules are made for.

And there are words like 'no.'

And all those things are magic in very human ways.

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billyrussohaven · 3 years

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My sweet Emilly

Billy Russo / Reader

Rated: PG (for now)

A/N: So I’m feverish and been feeling like absolute rubbish since getting my 2nd covid shot last Thursday. I can’t sleep and my brain came up with a cute Dad!Billy story. I might do a second part if you guys like it, we shall see!

Credit: @mainlysubmv

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“Just where do you think you’re going dressed like that exactly?” Billy asked his daughter sternly, looking up at her over his glasses. Glasses that he was still getting used to by the way. You kept telling him he looked like a hotter version of Clark Kent but it still seemed to hurt his pride. Billy Russo needing glasses, insane right? What was even more insane was just how much his sweet Emily looked all grown up these days. Her seventeen birthday last month had hit him like a train. He stared at her and let a long sigh out.

Emily reappeared, taking a few steps backwards, tugging down on her green hoodie dress and rolled her shoulder nervously the doorway of the living room. A little nervous gesture she shared with her father that always made you smile.

“It ain’t that bad Billy,” you said looking up from your crochet project on your lap to his daughter’s outfit, your step-daughter.

“It is on the short side but she’s smart and careful, isn’t that right, Millie?” You said, giving her a quick look with a wink.

She grinned back at you before turning to look at her dad.

“It’s still warm out Da…and I have a pair of leggings if it gets colder later,” she said, opening up her backpack and showing him a black pair of leggings, smiling back at him. He snorted at her innocent-like face, he knew better, she was after all his own daughter.

“Fine. No heels. Wear those ridiculously worn-out converse of yours,” he said letting it go and dismissing her with a smirk. She zipped her bag up and ran to give her dad a quick kiss on the cheek. She was out of the room as fast as she entered it.

“Back at midnight! I’ll be with Devin!” Emily said loudly already halfway to the front door.

“11PM!” Billy yelled right as the front door closed with a loud thud. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Wait, who? The fuck’s Devin? Wasn’t it that Jay-” he said with a deep frown turning to look at you.

“Jeremy,” you corrected him going back to your crocheting.

“Jeremy…last week?” He continued giving you a stern look for correcting him that made you chuckle. He rolled his eyes heavenward, taking his glasses off and rubbed his tired face with a groan. You reached to caress his soft hair and smiled. You didn’t comment, you knew he could be a bit overprotective of his Emily sometimes but dads were often that way with their daughters. It reminded you of your own dad and the shit you did in your youth. It was a wonder he still had some hair left…

*****

Billy woke up abruptly and sat up yawning, looking at the alarm clock on his nightstand next to the still turned on lamp.

1:25AM

He had fallen asleep in bed reading while waiting for Millie to come home. He turned his sleepy face to you sleeping soundly next to him. He smiled gazing at your serene face and caressed the side of your face softly. He heard a loud thud. He frowned and turned around instantly to the door, listening intently. He quietly got out of the bed, tiptoeing to the door, silent as a cat.

“Ow!” a hushed voice said after another loud thud. Billy yanked the bedroom door open and walked face to face with his daughter. His daughter who definitely wasn’t in her pajamas, dressed exactly the same as earlier and who reeked of alcohol and cigarettes.

She looked up at her dad glaring at her with disappointment etched all over his face. Her dark brown eyes filled with tears and hurt behind her drunken state. She broke down in sobs and hid her face in her hands. Billy’s heart broke at seeing her cry like that. He was very angry and disappointed at her for coming back home so late and drunk on top of it. He sighed and walked to embrace her tightly as she cried. She held him tightly, her warm tears running down his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back.

“You know better than that, Millie. Walkin’ home drunk instead of calling me or Y/N,” he said softly yet sternly. He cradled her head in his hand and moved to look at her tear stained face. Her chest was racking with sobs and her lower lip was quivering as she looked up at him. He had a feeling she wasn’t crying only because he caught her drunk and way past her 11PM curfew.

“What happened? Talk to me princess,” he asked with a sad frown, brushing her hair back from her face. She broke down into even louder wails and he had to hold part of her weight to help her stay upright.

You put your mid-thigh satin robe on and walked to see what was going on. The light of the bedroom pooled in the darkened hallway as you opened the door wider and you gave Billy a sad smile. The poor thing was so upset and in no state to think clearly. You took a few steps and rubbed her back.

“It’s okay princess, why don’t Y/N help you get ready for bed and we can talk tomorrow,” he said, giving Emily a concerned look. She nodded as he rubbed her tears away with his thumbs. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and let you take her to her bedroom. You grabbed his hand on the way and gave it a squeeze before letting go.

You walked a wobbly and sniffly Emily to her bedroom where she flopped and sat down on the edge of her bed dropping her bag with a loud thud. You walked to her own connecting bathroom from her bedroom and grabbed a small square towel. You ran it under the cool water and wrung it. You took a bottle of tylenol knowing she was gonna need it in the morning and a tall glass of water too.

You walked back to Millie who was undressing and putting on her pajamas. You were somewhat impressed she didn’t fall on her butt taking her leggings off before stepping into her pajamas shorts.

“Here, drink this you’ll feel better,” you said softly, handing her the glass of water. She nodded and drank half of it before putting it down on her nightstand next to the two Tylenol for tomorrow morning. You rubbed the cool wet cloth on her forehead and neck and she sighed before letting another sob out.

“I’m-I’m sorry I woke you up. I didn’t mean to get home alone so late…Da looked so upset,” she said, hugging you and cried on your shoulder. You hushed her soothingly and rocked her a bit, hugging her back.

“He still loves you, Millie. He’s just disappointed you came home so late and in a very vulnerable state I might add. Now, I’m not gonna scold you, it’s not my place but something could have happened to you baby,” you said brushing her hair back.

“We much rather have you wake us up late to pick you up than having you stumble drunkenly home alone. What happened? I thought you were hanging out with Devin?” You asked, helping her get in bed. She started crying again at the name and you knew right away the poor girl was heartbroken.

“W-we went to this party together a-and it was really fun. Everything was great, we’re great friends and I love when Devin’s around, you know?” She mumbled, looking at you with her father’s dark brown eyes filled with hurt.

“B-but we drank and I-I I thought Devin liked me a lot too and we kissed but-” She didn’t have to finish her sentence, you knew. You sighed and cradled her small frame in your arms.

“She abruptly stepped back, pushing me away a-and calling me names and stuff. S-she left a-and I didn’t have money for a cab because I paid the fare to get there. She was supposed to pay the cab fare back a-and then I didn’t want to call Da and have him angry at me.” She said, wiping her wet face in her pillow. You nodded, brushing her soft hair soothingly.

“Get some good sleep now, we’ll talk more tomorrow, alright? You suggested standing up and tucked her in. She nodded with a sniffle and closed her eyes.

"Thank you Y/N…Nini,” she said softly, watching you walk away to the door. You turned and gave her a warm smile,

“Anytime Millie. Good night sweetheart,” you said before flipping the light switch off and closing her bedroom door.

You tiptoed out of her bedroom and back to your own where Billy was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for you. He looked up at you, his face conflicted and tired.

“How is she?” He asked standing up to give you a tight embrace. He really appreciated how you were with Emily, the special bond you had developed with her. It made him love you even more as he kissed your head.

“She’s young, in love and broken-hearted I’m afraid,” you said with a long sigh, resting your head on his chest. You gave him a brief summary of what she had told you. You felt a bit guilty at reporting it all back to Billy but he’d probably know sooner or later too.

“I’m gonna beat the shit out of him when I find him,” he snarled pacing in front of you. He brushed his hair back and thought about the best way to throttle the asshole.

“Devin is a girl, Billy.” You said with a small smile, wondering what his reaction was gonna be.

He stopped pacing abruptly and his eyebrows shot upwards as he looked back at you dumbstruck.

“Oh! Oh,” he said, rolling his shoulders and clearing his throat. You looked back at him with one eyebrow up wondering what was going on in his head at the moment.

“Well, I guess I won’t…punch the brat then,” he said somewhat sheepishly and a bit confused. Not that it mattered to Billy if his little Millie liked guys or girls. It’s just…

“She never really talked about it. She always showed up with boyfriends before so I guess I just…took it for granted really,” he said with a frown sitting by the bed. After a long silence he looked up at you with a vulnerability that broke your heart to see.

“Am I a bad father for it?” He asked, his voice wavering slightly, he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulder, looking at the picture frame of her on his nightstand.

You took your robe off and stood in front of him between his legs. You cradled the side of his face and tilted it up so he’d look at you.

“No, Billy. It doesn’t make you a bad father, baby,” you brushed a strand of hair away from his eye.

“I guess you two just never really brought it up. I remember when I was seventeen myself, a young woman still in high-school, afraid of being bullied for being any kind of different,” you said with a sigh, remembering how cruel high-school was.

Billy scoffed and sneered at his own memories of it. Lonely guy from the group home with no family or friends beside small pets he’d keep in jars. He smiled warmly with a silent snort remembering how Emily had her own pet snail for a while and how much she took care of the little one.

“She might still be figuring herself out too,” you added with a shrug.

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her tomorrow anyway, maybe she’ll want to open up and chat about all of this,” he said, rubbing his tired face with his hands. You kissed him slowly before breaking the kiss and crawling back in bed in your short satin nightie. He groaned looking back at you, suddenly very awake for almost 3AM. He rolled over on the bed and pulled you flat against his body with a sly smirk. You chuckled at the attention he gave you and kissed him languidly with a moan.

“I’m still gonna scold her ass,” he mumbled over your lips, reaching over you and turning off the light.

A/N: Random Fact. My fiancé’s name is Devin. I remembered him telling me he had a girl classmate once in school named Devin. 😋

#Billy Russo #Billy Russo Imagine #Billy Russo Fanfiction #Billy Russo Fanfics #dad!billy #billy russo x reader #billy russo x you #billy russo/reader #billy russo/you

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bts-reveries · 3 years

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the most beautiful moment in life | epilogue

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life.

We all knew that to get to the pretty parts of life, you’d have to get ugly first.

Hey, no pain no gain right?

Well I hope you liked our most beautiful moment in life. Thank you for going through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For running after Hana with Yoongi when she saw the grand opening of 24/7 Heaven. For walking with Huimang to Hobi’s door. For riding the train to Ilsan with Byul to meet Namjoon. For being with Jimin when he was scared and alone with Mingyu. For being with Taehyung when he finally met the one. For being with Jungkook and Rina when they got engaged. And for being with Jin and Mae when their perfect life wasn’t so perfect after all.

It was happy, it was sad, sometimes it made us mad… but I mean, that’s what we have to go through sometimes right? Not only does it make the story more interesting, haha, but it happens in real life. As cheesy as it sounds, rainbows come after the rain.

We started off happy, then went to parts that made us sad or angry.

That’s just what you go through to be happy sometimes.

The boys, the girls, the kids, they all fell apart at one point, only to reach their happy ending.

So hey

If you ever feel like you’re falling apart, maybe you’re just falling into place.

Maybe

Just maybe

You’re about to reach the most beautiful moment of your life.

Because right now, in real life, away from this one, we are all going through the same thing.

Yeah, the pandemic.

I know we don’t all live the same exact lives, but we all had it rough this past (almost) two years.

We might’ve lost a job, a loved one, connection with friends, got sick, got depressed, felt scared, and so much more. Because I have. Not every single one of those in that list, but most of them.

If you were here since daddy duties, that was the start of the pandemic. I believe the lockdown in my country happened when I was posting the intro for that. How crazy?!

For most of us, this AU has been a little escape. A world without covid as someone once said. Actually, a lot of you have told me that reading this AU and receiving notifications for updates etc. are what makes your day. Which means so much to me of course!

“Hey Miya.”

I look up from my laptop to see Jin standing there in front of my desk here at work.

“Hey Jin, do you need anything?” I ask, closing my laptop. I always brought my personal laptop to work for whenever it gets quiet. Being a receptionist here at Moon Studios is pretty fun, but of course, it does get boring sometimes.

“No, no, I’m good. I actually am about to head home, but Yeonjun is still here,” Jin tells me. He has a smile on his face. “You two should go out, isn’t your shift over in a few?”

“Uh.. yeah it is,” I say, letting out a shy laugh. “Sure, um. I’ll just finish this up and I can go and meet him.” Jin nods.

“Okay, I’ll text him to come down soon. See you again tomorrow,” he says, walking away.

“See ya!”

Okay, anywho.

This was fun. A lot of us have a special connection with these characters and don’t want to see them go. Some want to see Rina and JK get married, I mean, we have all been anticipating it since the beginning right? Some want Sarang and Hobi to finally have a baby. And some just want to see the kids grow up.

Because, well…

Life Goes On

!note to readers!

This is in the span of a few years, not everyone’s first pic, second pic, etc. is on the same timeline (does that make sense?)

The instagram post shows a preview of their lives after the most beautiful moment in life. No, they did not all get engaged around the same exact time, nor did they all get married the same time/year, and had kids at the same time lol. It just shows that after the most beautiful moment in life they went on with their lives and got engaged, got married, had kids etc.

It could be the same year or different years. (ex. Rina and JK could of gotten married the same year Sohyun and Yoongi got engaged and around that time, Sarang and Hobi got pregnant.)

No years or dates were specified in this epilogue.

Also, the OCs instagram profiles are in the order of the AU’s release, not the dates of when the events of their lives happened!

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻

the most beautiful moment in life

☻ epilogue ☻

pairings: BTS x OCs (yoongi x sohyun, hoseok x sarang, namjoon x byul, jimin x yuna, taehyung x bora, jungkook x rina, seokjin x mae)

a/n: now this wraps it up! i felt like i said everything i needed to say already up there. but here’s a bit more. this au is so so so dear to my heart. never have i ever thought it would make it this far. nor did i ever think that i would have this many people reading it! i have made so many friends from this series. you all have a special place in my heart! thank you to everyone who followed along since the very beginning, and even the ones whom just found out about us in the last member’s au. i didn’t think i’d be so attached to these characters, so just like a lot of you.. i want a part two. so with that being said, the most beautiful moment in life goes on. let this be a “part two” to the series, although it will be completely different in terms of format (???) i’ll have an official post on it later this week! until then, this isn’t good bye :)

taglist: @ramyagovindraj @sope-and-shine @jayhope88 @casspirit0705 @mygooie0 @fan-ati--c @spacxmann @princessjazzyjazz @sugaaddiction @ephyra1230 @starlitemotions @alittlestudycorner @justinetingball @somewhereofftheglobe @ygbubs @salty-for-suga @momma-said-that-it-was-oke @mikrokosmicjoon @taekookcaneatme @betysotelo18 [photos found via instagram and pinterest (mostly pinterest, so most of the pictures are unknown) here are the baby’s instagram:

jin: wooju_mom

namjoon: 2ah.in

yoongi: kimibbong1317

hoseok: nayun_mom

jimin: p_aiou

taehyung: no instagram, found on pinterest (jhanuul)

jungkook: tokki.daram]

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juminsmysticmc · 3 years

Text

Pregnancy Series - Part 2

Finding out

Hope you like the second part of my pregnancy series!

Click here to read Part 1!

Jumin

You dried your tears after you dried your hands with the towel next to you, observing the pregnancy test you just took in front of you.

You hated that one stick so much that whenever your period was late, your heart was beating in fear and not happiness.

One and a half years passed ever since you and Jumin began to try for a baby and there was still no baby.

You couldn’t bear seeing your husband’s sad face anymore whenever you gave him the news that you weren’t pregnant and that this was just a false alarm.

You were sure that this time too, the result wouldn’t be the one you hoped for.

A last glance on the clock made you look at the pregnancy test for the last time before you would toss it into the trash can since you had to get the breakfast ready for Jumin, but somehow this time, something was different.

Your heart was beating crazily in your chest as your cheeks grew warm.

You slowly placed your hand on your belly as you watched the results on the stick you hated so much.

,,Pregnant’’ it said.

You slowly sat back on the toilet, the pink stick between your hands as you read it again. ,,Pregnant,’’ you gasped, trying to gulp the tears away.

,,J-’’ you were about to call your husband when your brain decided to think about this logically.

What if the test is false and he gets excited?

And so, you instead decided to not say anything and instead put the test in your pocket to hide in a bag so that he wouldn’t see anything.

The first thing you would do, however, was go to the doctor after breakfast.

,,My love, I forgot that I have to meet a friend after breakfast. I know I shouldn’t come late as your second secretary, but-’’

Jumin kissed you as he took his bowl of rice.

,,You are my wife and are allowed to do anything. Do you need Driver Kim perhaps?’’ of course you declined and even though you knew, you just lied. You knew that this was going to protect him…

,,Six weeks pregnant, Mrs Han. Your pregnancy test wasn’t wrong,’’ the doctor told you after a checkup, making you tear up.

She then made you follow her to a room where she made an ultrasound and eventually gave you your first picture of your baby.

The doctor explained the next steps, telling you that she wanted to see you regularly.

,,I’m so happy that you finally are here on your way and you did well. It's daddy’s birthday this weekend and you are already a perfect baby,’’ you sobbed as you looked around for some ideas for Jumin’s surprise...

Zen

,,I don’t think I can come today,’’ you groaned as you laid back as you just came back from throwing up into the toilet.

An acidic taste was left in your mouth, making you feel disgusting.

As if an upset stomach wasn’t enough, you even had a slight fever.

Your body felt weak and all you wanted to do was sleep, well, not that you could do anything else in this condition.

Your boyfriend looked concerned for you. The possibility of you being pregnant wasn’t even on his mind since the both of you finally gave up, wanting to wait again after so many failed attempts.

Well, Zen wanted to try more. It was more so you who couldn’t bear it mentally and so he stopped buying pregnancy tests.

,,It’s the time of the flu in February… well, I’ll stay with you,’’ Zen whispered and kissed your nose, feeling sad to see you so sick.

,,No,’’ you tried to stop him.

,,You need to go to work. It’s okay, I’ll sleep a bit and later when you are back, I will be better and I will be able to go to the doctor,’’ you told him, closing your eyes because right now everything was spinning in your head. You just wished for it to get better.

Zen hesitated, but agreed afterwards, giving you a last kiss. ,,I will come earlier, I mean, I took a holiday leave for tomorrow so I shouldn’t have much to do today,’’ he told you and quickly left as he was late for work.

You decided to close your eyes for a few seconds again before a big feeling of nausea hit you again, making you run to the toilet.

,,Ugh, I hate throwing up,’’ you silently cried to yourself as you tried to hold your own hair back.

It didn’t take you long until you decided to dial your doctor's number on your phone and ask for an appointment this afternoon.

,,Thank you, I will be there,’’ you said as the nurse asked you to come right away, making you groan in annoyance and get changed.

The weather was cold as you stepped out, closing the door behind you and walking towards the medical facility, rubbing your hands together as you were freezing.

,,Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day,’’ you remembered as you walked past a shop selling chocolate, remembering that you didn’t buy anything for your boyfriend yet.

,,Pretty lady! We even sell chocolate done with a picture chosen by you! Want to give it a try!? I bet you have a boyfriend!’’ a woman smiled at you, showing you pictures of white chocolate with edible photos printed on it.

You thanked her, telling her that you had to go somewhere and had no time.

A few streets away you arrived, putting your mask on and entering the building, telling the nurses that you had an appointment.

,,When I heard that you had a slight fever and felt nauseous, I knew immediately that you were pregnant!’’ the doctor smiled at you after she checked you up and took your blood sample, making you look in shock at her.

,,R-really? I am...expecting a baby?’’ you asked her, tears slowly coming up and rolling down your cheeks as she nodded.

You immediately called your gynecologist to make a second check and also see if you could already have a sonogram since suddenly you had a very good idea.

,,Ajumma,’’ you said with a teary face to the woman who wanted to sell you chocolate earlier.

The woman looked concerned at first, but quickly began to tear up herself as you held up a picture.

,,I just got this good news. Will you help me surprise this baby’s father?’’ you asked her.

Yoosung

Soon, you and Yoosung would celebrate your eighth wedding anniversary.

You were currently sitting in front of the window, thinking about everything the both of you achieved until now.

A lot.

Yoosung had a stable job, you worked with the RFA, both of you had your own big house with a beautiful garden. Your relationship and marriage was the best, there wasn’t anything else you could wish for.

Everything seemed perfect, if just that one little detail wasn’t missing.

A child.

Something you both could take care of and shower with love and affection as it grew up.

But some things weren’t meant to be. It was just too much for you to handle.

The disappointment you regularly had to face, the pain in your heart.

,,We should give up,“ you whispered as you kept looking outside of the window, tears in your eyes as you said these harsh words.

Giving up was something you would normally never do.

Yoosung hugged you from behind, knowing how much this situation was hurting you and how much this made you depressed.

,,I will be back for dinner,“ he whispered after a few seconds before he rubbed your arms and put on his jacket to step out on his way to work.

As soon as he was outside, you could finally let out that loud sob you held onto yourself to not make Yoosung pity you and cried alone in your room.

,,Ah, I need to go to the doctor today,’’ you groaned as you dried your tears with your palm, sighting and looking at your display as you calculated how much time you still had until you had to go there.

As soon as you arrived, you rolled your eyes in annoyance as you sat down in the waiting room, three pregnant women with their husbands on their side, smiling widely, feeling probably blessed. Today was a bad day.

You were truly happy for every pregnant woman in the waiting room, but seeing them made you angry and made you feel and think things you shouldn’t.

You were jealous, jealous that they achieved something you couldn’t achieve in all these eight years.

,,Mrs. Kim?“ the doctor called you, making you stop thinking about the women around you and instead look up at her.

Your doctor was smiling at you as she asked you to follow her, leading the way to her room where she asked you to sit down to talk to you.

,,How are you?“ she began, ready to listen as you told her that you wanted to give up on getting pregnant.

,,But before that I would like to check one last thing. Is that okay?“ she asked you, nodding as she typed something on her keyboard to note everything you guys talked about.

A bit annoyed, you watched her minutes later as she checked you, finally looking into your eyes, smiling at you.

,,Mrs. Kim, it seems that you are already pregnant. Five weeks,“ she smiled.

In disbelief you observed her, you could feel your eyes get teary. ,,But the last test-”

,,Sometimes they’re false, but you are pregnant,“ she cut you off.

While she talked about a few things you should keep an eye on, all you could think about was that tomorrow you and Yoosung had your anniversary and that this news was the best present you could give him, just like she just gave to you.

Jaehee

,,I just hope you are alright and that they can find out whether it is or isn’t Covid-19,“ Jaehee whispered as she looked out the window.

You weren’t with her together at home, something that already was difficult for her, but knowing that you weren’t feeling well somewhere apart from her made her feel even worse.

The both of you decided to have a little bit of time on your own, making you go to your parents home for the week. Neither of you ever thought that you would stay away longer.

The reason why you both decided to get a distance from your place was that both of you just agreed on giving up on getting pregnant.

It was getting too hard for you and her, knowing that your body couldn’t give you what you wanted - a child.

You and Jaehee already spent about 9.000 won to get you fertilized artificially three times and you both failed three times.

Six weeks ago, when the doctor told you once again that you guys failed, you decided to give up.

As if it was yesterday, Jaehee remembered your crying face in your dark, shared bedroom.

Your loud sobs and your trembling body on the floor.

You were devastated.

She couldn’t bear to see you falling apart anymore and she couldn’t bear to act like the strong one for both of you because she, too, was in too much pain.

As soon as your parents found out, they persuaded you to come back home for a bit to rest.

However, as soon as you arrived, the symptoms of the virus hit you.

You were feeling weak, had a slight fever, and you felt like your limbs hurt a bit.

,,I hope so too. The test was negative. Well, all my tests are negative,’’ you mumbled, making Jaehee feel bad without noticing.

,,Tomorrow they will take a blood sample, but I’m happy that you are feeling good, Jaehee,’’ you said as she told you that her COVID test was also negative.

,,Okay, I will go and sleep a bit. Call me tomorrow as soon as you know something new,’’ she whispered before she cut the call, her thoughts by your side.

The morning afterwards, your legs were shaking in the isolated waiting room as you waited for your results to come.

Well, if it wasn’t Covid it would be something less worrying, right?

Indeed, the news the doctor had was less worrying since you were told that you were positive - positive for a pregnancy.

,,Huh? But, the doctor said…. we waited so long!’’ you told her, crying out of happiness but not believing her.

,,Yes, sometimes the test can be false or he made a mistake, but I am for sure that you are pregnant,’’ she nodded.

And so, happy that you could go home again, you decided to not tell Jaehee anything and instead surprise her with good and happy news…

Saeyoung

Your husband looked at you with a sad face as you once again felt sick and decided to stay in bed the whole day.

But he knew that you weren’t sick, but more depressed and sad.

He gulped as he looked over to the calendar.

It’s been almost two years since the both of you agreed on trying to become pregnant, even though he was sure that it would work out in less than a year.

But you both failed.

And the one that was hurting her body was none other than yourself, but he could just observe you and stand by your side.

Saeyoung’s eyes wandered over to your desk where countless pills and bottles were standing.

The both of you were currently injecting hormones into you to overstimulate your production of eggs.

He was nibbling on his lips. ,,Mc?’’ he asked you.

,,Mhh?’’ you hummed in response, turning your body to his side.

He hated to see you in pain, feeling unwell, and of course the stress of becoming pregnant was something that bugged you too.

,,Maybe… well no, to be honest, I think that we should stop with the injections wait one, maybe two years for the baby. What do you think? I mean, I don’t want to stress out your body,’’ he whispered to you, nervous for your answer.

You just sadly smiled at him and nodded as you slowly closed your eyes.

,,It’s a good idea. I think I’ll sleep for a while. I actually have a headache,’’ you lied.

Well, the truth was that you stopped taking the injections for four days already, something Saeyoung didn’t know.

He also didn’t know that you were already six weeks pregnant.

But you also just found out at your last appointment when the doctor told you that you were five weeks along, making you feel the most happiest wife on earth.

The reason for your lies was that soon Saeyoung would have his birthday and you wanted to make this day a special day for him, but also for his brother, who would be an uncle soon.

And so you decided to lie to your husband who was clearly worried as hell and told him that you were having side effects of the hormones.

Well, that was something you also thought at first.

The doctor told you from the very first injection that the side effects may be hot flashes, mood swings, nausea, and swelling, so when you first had them, you didn’t actually think that you were pregnant.

But you still wanted to talk with her about it to make sure that everything was fine.

To your surprise, it was more than fine and you were pregnant.

,,We just need to keep the secret,’’ you whispered, rubbing your still flat belly.

Saeran

You patted your boyfriend’s back as he once again sobbed at the negative pregnancy test.

,,I… I’m a loser,’’ he whined and looked at you, his eyes red and swollen from all the tears.

,,Maybe my mother is telling me that I shouldn’t become a father, that I don’t deserve it, that I am bound to become a monster like her and… ahh… so much is going through my head!’’ he whined and threw the test into the next corner, sobbing into his hands.

You slowly began to sob too, feeling guilty.

,,I’m sorry, Saeran… I wish I could do better,’’ you cried as you looked at him. He seemed so fragile.

Your boyfriend suddenly looked up. ,,Why are you apologizing?’’ he asked you. He couldn’t believe what you were saying.

,,I can’t give you what you want. I’m a bad girlfriend,’’ you whined.

,,No!’’ he sobbed again. ,,I’m a bad boyfriend and brother! I can’t find Saeyoung so I’m getting punished and you’ve been with me even though you didn’t do anything!’’ he told you, now hugging you and rubbing your back. ,,I’m so selfish, crying to myself even though you’re in pain too!’’ he sobbed harder.

And so this day, just like other ones, ended with the both of you lying in bed, sobbing into each other's arms as you thought about the future without children.

But it was still empty.

Days passed by and you and Saeran decided to give it up. For the time being, you didn’t want to get stressed, you wanted to enjoy life/ Saeran wanted to find his brother for real now and you just wanted to have a clear head.

But it didn’t work as you felt a sudden pain in your abdomen.

Sick and lightheaded, you laid back in pain, feeling a slight temperature that morning.

Some infection, you thought. Being pregnant wasn’t on your mind back then.

But after you didn’t seem to get healthy again, Saeran decided that it was best to bring you to a hospital.

,,Are you perhaps pregnant?’’ the doctor asked you and seemed to understand the case pretty quickly.

But you wanted a whole diagnosis. ,,No, I can’t get pregnant,’’ you told him, hearing these words from your own mouth hurt even more and so you once again felt your hot cheek as your eyes began to shed tears again.

,,Make a pregnancy test to make sure before doing anything else,’’ he told the nurse and went off to the next patient.

Indeed, the nurse turned back with a big smile, asking you again. ,,Are you sure that you can’t get pregnant?’’ she asked you, rubbing your arm.

,,The last test was negative,’’ you whispered.

,,Well, we will bring you to the maternity ward because it seems that you are pregnant,’’ she chuckled and pushed the wheelchair to the other ward.

,,Uhm, can you please not tell my boyfriend? I… I want to prepare a surprise for him,’’ you told her as you began to smile in happiness.

Finally good news arrived. Was it a sign?

Jihyun

Almost two years passed ever since you and your husband decided to adopt a new child to make Lucy into a big sister.

However, back then the adoption wasn’t possible, making you go for pregnancy.

But to you it just seemed as if God wanted to punish you for something.

,,It’s not working,’’ you sobbed as you found out that this time, too, you weren’t pregnant.

Your husband pressed his lips together and thought of something else.

Injecting hormones into you was something he wanted to avoid.

,,Maybe,’’ he began, looking at you and stroking your hair. ,,Now, we should stop for a bit.

You are stressed out and I’m nervous.

We are doing our best and I’m sure that one day the right time will come and we will be able to have a child on our own,’’ he told you.

He let go of your hand and kissed your head and then walked off to pack his bag.

Jihyun also had to go on a business trip for six weeks so he had to prepare a few things.

As consolation, the both of you lastly had a lovely and also sexy time together. This time you two didn’t think of having a baby, you just wanted to feel each other, feel closer and happier as you both wouldn’t be able to stay next to each other for a bit.

The next morning, Jihyun already left. The house felt empty and you were down, but for Lucy, you kept staying the happy mother she knew, waking her up, preparing her, as well as bringing her to school and then doing your house chores.

But it didn’t take you three weeks until it all backfired. You got a bad virus and weren’t able to get off the bed.

,,I’m so sorry that I can’t help you,’’ Jihyun gasped from where he was currently, feeling guilty.

,,It’s okay. Hyun and Yoosung are helping me and Jaehee keeps an eye on Lucy's tuition while Jumin helps with the hospital and medicine,’’ you groaned as you felt like vomiting again. It was eight in the morning after all.

,,I am such a bad husband. Three more people have to look out for you,’’ he chuckled, happy that you had support at home.

,,Well, you are providing for our family so don’t feel bad. Besides, it’s five. Saeyoung and Saeran are doing their best making Lucy happy and helping me too,’’ you laughed.

A few moments later, you cut the call as a red haired man, none other than Saeyoung entered your room. ,,Hurry up, I am taking you to the doctor’s. I read countless diagnoses with your symptoms and none of them is anything I would like you to have,’’ he said worriedly, helping you get ready after you vomited again.

But the diagnosis you had was much better than you all thought and with happy tears in your eyes, you entered your friend’s car again, actually shocking him. ,,I never thought that you could be so wrong with your diagnosis, Saeyoung. Actually, Jihyun and I are finally going to become parents!’’

Vanderwood

The both of you stopped counting the time at some point.

It just felt like a never ending story. It felt as if it was impossible for the both of you to archive what you wanted to.

Becoming a family.

Having a child between the both of you at night, caring for someone…

The more time passed and the more negative tests you held between your trembling fingers, the more you thought that this was an impossible dream for you.

You kept biting your upper lip as you looked into your calendar again.

You were once again bleeding. It was your period.

A sigh left your mouth as you looked over to Vanderwood.

Ever since he stopped smoking and was actually trying for a child, his mood had gotten weirder and harder to bear.

You weren’t happy anymore.

,,Yo, Vanderwood!’’ you called him, trying to smile as he turned your head over to you. ,,I… can we actually stop trying? You can smoke again and I can… maybe focus on my job for a bit… like, nothing has happened yet. Can we go slowly?’’ you asked him.

This was so out of the blue, he was actually so shocked, maybe a bit pissed off. You fell over him with this topic as if it was the most causal thing to say.

But he still said yes. He still nodded at you and he still agreed with you.

And so he really began to smoke a day later. Of course, smoking wasn’t that good anymore. He actually hated it.

But, he was sulking? He was hurt by you, a bit disappointed even though he could understand what you were trying to tell him.

A few days later, your period didn’t come as strong as it was supposed to be, so you decided to visit a doctor, maybe also to get a prescription for your birth control again.

But the news you got there was something you never expected.

,,You’re pregnant and you’re three weeks along!’’ she said, looking at you happily. She never had a woman who couldn’t get pregnant since she was still not a very well known doctor.

But you, one of her hardest cases, finally did it.

,,Since it was a hard fight, I want you to take these,’’ she said and wrote something down. ,,You need to take them to support your body with the change, make sure to come regularly. I think you already know what to do, but do not lift anything heavy, rest a lot, sleep, drink, whenever something feels off do not hesitate to visit me, okay? I will now schedule the first ultrasound of your baby and then you will have the assignment to search for a midwife to support you, okay?’’ she asked her.

Suddenly you felt so happy and scared at the same time that you didn’t know what to do.

But you already knew that there was someone at home that would be clearly happy to find out and you knew that for sure.

Part 3 of my pregnancy series here

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

🤰🏻ᴘʀᴇɢɴᴀɴᴄʏ sᴇʀɪᴇs🤰🏻Masterlist here

12.05.2021// 23:55 MEST

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isa-ghost · 3 years

Note

How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

#jacksepticeye #jse community #jse egos

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neoculturetravesty · 3 years

Text

We met in online class - Part 8

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, descriptions of anxiety and trauma response, a character gets Covid-19 Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: The Dreamies are best friends and you can’t change my mind.

What do you do when everything that makes you a person starts to feel rudimentary? When you start to feel like an imposter in your own body? When nothing feels real and everything feels inconsequential and the world spins but you stand still?

You do what you’ve always done. You let your body keep you alive.

And that’s what Renjun does. He lets his body take over. He lets it put one foot in front of the other. He lets it make him breathe in and out. He lets it keep his heart beating.

Because his mind had stopped functioning. He felt a numbing take over. Like a warm trickle that started from the crown of his head had run down to his shoulders, numbing everything in its wake. Like his kind body knew that his mind needed protection that way. He feels numb and that’s all he feels.

So he concentrates on every breath. In and out. In and out. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, outside the hospital ward, counting every breath this way. Has it been weeks? Months? Years? Why does time have no meaning? Who decided when the hours would turn to days and days would turn to weeks, anyway? Who decided that time must be measured in the ticking of clocks and in the flips of calendars? How did any of this make sense?

Time should be measured in other ways that would make it seem more real. Time should be measured in the number of times Renjun had hid under the stairs so he could block out his parent’s fights. Time should be measured in the instances Renjun had fed himself dried laver because his parents had a screaming match about whose responsibility it was feeding him. Time should be measured in the days Renjun was alone and scared, waiting for his parents to come home. Time should be measured in the nights that Renjun had spent trying to make peace with the fact that he might never get to return home and that he’d have to stay with his grandmother for all the nights to come. Time should be measured in the last time Renjun felt happiness. Time should be measured in the last time somebody had loved Renjun. Time should be measured in stolen childhoods and resentments and broken relationships and the number of times a person can be abandoned.

Because that would make a lot more sense than seconds, hours, and fucking days. But how long had it been in any of those measures? He still has no understanding of that.

So he lets his body take over. He breaths in and out. He keeps his heart beating. He puts one foot in front of the other. And he has no idea how doing so has led him to this place. Like his feet carried him where his mind didn’t even know he wanted to be.

But he has walked and there you are. Walking down the stairs looking like you always do. Smiling. Happy. Content. Looking more beautiful than you’ve ever looked. Did Renjun ever think you looked anything less than the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen? Renjun doesn’t remember the time. But you look up then and see him standing there. And your smile fades. The light in your eyes dim. The skip in your stride falters. Of course. Renjun was putting out lights everywhere he went.

You see him and approach him, slow and cautious. Like one would approach an injured cat. And Renjun wonders what he must look like. He finds himself speaking out of his body’s own accord. Because he spoke the words before his mind had even had the thought.

“I know you hate me.” he says, although he doesn’t recognize his own voice. His body is here, doing all the work for him. But where is his soul?

“I don’t hate you, Renjun.” you say quietly and Renjun finds himself smiling a sad smile. Of course you didn't hate him. You weren't capable of hatred. It was one of your biggest flaws that had made him fall.

“You should hate me.” Renjun tells you. And he watches your pretty face moving. Like you weren’t sure what you had walked into outside of your own home.

“I…” you pause, maybe to read his face. Like you were picking your next words carefully, weighing them against what you saw before you “... Renjun, are you okay?”

Renjun looks away. Was he okay? What did it mean to be okay? Had he ever been okay? He looks back at you. How could he tell you that nothing in his world was okay? How could he tell you that he didn’t even feel like a person? How could he tell you that he felt like a punching bag for his family and his life and the universe? Why couldn’t you just tell?

“Renjun… um, I know it was a lot. What happened. But, your friends care about you, you know? I know you fought but… it’s nothing you can’t work through…” you’re speaking to him carefully, like if you make one wrong move, Renjun would lash out at you. Truth be told, Renjun is not sure how he’d react to anything anymore. His mind is numb. He doesn’t know how he’s still moving, breathing, speaking. He doesn’t even know why he came here, to you. But his body answers.

“Can I come in for some ramyeon?” he asks suddenly. When was the last time he ate? He doesn’t remember. Why doesn’t he remember anything anymore?

“Um, I…” you hesitate a bit but stop when a car drives in and pulls up in front of you. And that’s when Renjun notices that you’re pulling a travel bag behind you.

“Are you…” Renjun begins to ask but the car’s window has been rolled down and Wong Hendery is waving at the two of you. Even through his numbness, Renjun can feel his heart clench. Of course. Renjun thought he had the power to break your heart. How very conceited he had been to think that. He had probably been a roadblock for you at best. It made sense. You should be with Wong Hendery. He was taller and stronger and more handsome. He came from better means. He was probably nicer to you. He probably listened to you when you talked. He probably got to know you. He probably knew your favorite tea because Renjun certainly hadn’t taken the time to find out. He probably admired you and took you out and knew your life and all your problems. He was a much better man for you than Renjun ever was.

“I… I’m going to be out of town for a bit.” you say slowly, and if Renjun wasn’t so numb, he’d think that you almost look apologetic.

“Oh. Okay.” he replies.

“We can talk when I get back?” you ask cautiously.

“Okay.”

“If you want to, I mean.” you add.

“Yeah…”

“Okay… I’ll see you, then.” you say, looking at him like you’re trying to say something but deciding to move ahead instead.

“See you.”

You walk on, rolling your bag behind you when you slowly turn to look at him. “Renjun, um…” your stop for a bit, like you’re not sure whether you should say what you want to say “... take care of yourself.” you sigh and walk away from him.

Renjun watches as Wong Hendery gets out of the car and helps you load your bag into the trunk. He even opens the door for you and helps you put your seatbelt on. Had Renjun done any of these things for you? Probably not. What was it that Renjun had wanted from you, again? He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember a time when he was with you for a reason other than your company. Other than wanting you by his side. So what the fuck was it that he had wanted from you? All the material benefits he had ever wanted seem so pointless. So small. So incredibly inconsequential. How could he have possibly wanted them from you? How did he ever think that you were anything less than the most giving person in the world? How did he spend all that time blocking you out when you had brought him so much lightness? Why didn’t anyone ever tell him that all that he had wanted would mean absolutely nothing when you were walking away from him with another man?

Renjun wants to stop you. ‘Don’t go with him. Stay with me. I need you.’ he wants to say. ‘You only fight with the people you truly love,’ you had told him. So why didn’t you remember your own words?

But walking away you were. And that was the truth of it. Renjun didn’t deserve happiness in any way, shape or form. Who was he to stop you after all he had done to you? This is what he deserved. To be beaten down till he didn’t feel like a thinking, feeling person. Just a breathing, walking body.

So his body carries him home. Although Renjun had never known what home really meant.

As it would turn out, home meant the apartment, where he lived with his friends.

Or what had been his friends before he had done everything in his power to push them away. He doesn’t know how his body remembers his code or how it automatically rids itself of his shoes and jacket. How his feet carry him to his room of their own accord.

He pauses only when he sees Jisung sitting there at his desk, playing video games. He looks up startled as he sees Renjun at the door.

“Renjun…” the boy says, game forgotten. His eyes follow him as he makes his way from the foot of the door to his bed. He waits, eyes wide, hesitating.

“Where have you been?” Jisung asks, turning in his chair, eyes taking in Renjun’s demeanor.

Renjun is silent for a moment. He doesn’t know what to say. He sits on the edge of his bed and he feels that trickle once again that starts from his head and crawls down to his shoulders. Except this time, it weighs him down. Like a stronghold was actually pressing him down till he felt he was sinking, sinking, sinking. He feels his lips moving.

“My grandma has Covid.” he finds himself saying.

Had he looked up, he would’ve seen how Jisung’s face had gone from being cautiously surprised to openly panicked. How the boy was struggling to find something to say. “Is she okay? Where is she?”

“In the isolation ward.” Renjun says and he is surprised by how normal his voice sounds.

“Wait… hold on, Renjun, please… stay right here...” Jisung begins as he scrambles out of his seat and out the door. The poor boy never knew what to do in these situations. Renjun feels bad. The boy was way too young and innocent to have Renjun around him right now. Because Renjun’s shoulders were carrying the weight of the world. His heart was carrying nothing but emptiness. His presence was burdening, and that’s exactly what he didn’t want to give his young roommate: his burden.

He hears more people walk in. Jisung had apparently gone out to call for backup. Because no way was the boy equipped to deal with what was unfolding in front of him on his own. And now Jeno and Jaemin are walking in behind him, concern on their faces as they approach Renjun.

“What’s going on?” Jeno asks softly as he sits next to Renjun, turning his attention to him fully. Jaemin and Jisung stand by the bunk bed, waiting for Renjun to speak.

“My grandma has Covid. She is in the isolation ward. It’s bad.” Renjun repeats. A pause hangs in the air before anyone speaks.

“Fuck, Renjun… I am so sorry.” Jeno finally says. He exchanges a look with Jaemin and the boy grabs the wheelie chair and brings it closer while Jisung sits on the floor. They all huddle around Renjun, waiting, listening, protecting.

“How long has it been, Renjun?” Jaemin asks kindly.

“Um. I don’t know how long she had it before she was brought to the hospital. No one’s really told me much.” Renjun replies, looking at nothing, looking at no one. He can see Jisung sitting by his feet, looking up at him. He can feel Jeno and Jaemin close on either side of him. But he dares not meet any of their eyes.

“Is that why you haven’t been home much this past week?” Jeno asks.

“No, I, uh. I only found out yesterday afternoon.” Renjun answers and he’s surprised that he replied in actual time units. “Before that, uh. My… my parents are getting divorced. So, I had been going down to see them. It’s why I wasn’t at the party.”

There is a profound silence in the room as his friends absorb the information. Jaemin is the first one to break it.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Renjun?” he asks softly, kindly.

“I, uh…” Renjun thinks for a moment. Was it only last week that the taxing calls from his mother had resulted in him blocking out all the people from his life? Was it only a couple of days ago that his biggest worry had been his parent’s failing marriage? Was it only two nights ago that he had avenged his bad luck by lashing out on all his friends? “... I don’t know. I didn’t want to bother you guys, I guess. You all had exams.”

“We would’ve wanted to be there for you even if we had exams, Renjun.” Jaemin says, leaning his head down to face Renjun so he would look into his eyes.

Renjun peeks up for a moment but wishes he didn’t. Because now there is a lump in his throat. Jaemin was looking at him so kindly even though Renjun had done nothing to deserve his kindness. He swallows so his voice would be steady before he speaks.

“Still. I, uh. I didn’t want you guys to worry.” he says.

“It’s okay for us to worry about our friend, Renjun.” Jeno says and this time, Renjun can’t possibly hold back the tears that sting his eyes.

“Renjun… have you eaten?” Jaemin asks, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Um…” Renjun’s voice comes out husky. So he clears his throat. “No, I haven’t.” And suddenly he feels how hungry he really was.

He feels a scramble at his feet. “I…” Jisung speaks awkwardly but purposefully. “... I’ll get some food.” and Renjun realizes that if Jisung is the one putting himself in charge of food, then his friends must really be pushing themselves to take care of him. The boy gets up and leaves the room and Jeno speaks again.

“When did you find out about your parents?”

“Um… maybe last week? I don’t know. My mother had been calling me a lot during exam week. I went to see them the day of the party.” Renjun is finding that the more he talks, the more he feels the heaviness in his shoulders ease.

“You should’ve told us. We would’ve come with you.” Jeno says and Renjun sees that he’s wearing a crease between his brows.

“You guys had the party.” Renjun says and somehow saying it out loud makes him realize how dumb this reasoning was.

“You are more important to us than any party, Renjun.” Jaemin says and Renjun doesn’t know whether to cry or to smile. It wasn’t often that his friends spoke this way. But it was oddly comforting that they were speaking this way now. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to hear the words they were speaking to him.

“Yeah… I… I guess I didn’t know that.” Renjun purses his lips because he’s sure that any breath he lets out would choke him. So inhales deeply through his nose.

“Your grandma… do you know how she is doing?” Jeno asks.

“I don’t really know. My mother’s been with her. I could only wait in the lobby. I just know she’s on life support. And that can never be good.” Renjun bites his lip.

“People have survived Covid even after they’ve been on life support, Renjun.” Jaemin says.

“Yeah, but. She’s so old and frail…” Renjun’s voice cuts off and he’s not sure he can go on any longer. He balls his hands into fists as he fights his tears.

Jaemin takes his hand, gently prying it open before he holds it. “She’s stronger than you know, Renjun. She brought you up all on her own. She’s been living all on her own. She’s been supporting you all this time. Older people have been cured in hospitals. She will be, too.” Jaemin says with so much certainty that it fills Renjun’s heart with hope. He nods. It was so strange having another perspective presented to him. One that told him that being in hospital didn’t mean death and misery. That it could mean cure and recovery and health as well.

“Are you allowed to see her in some way?” Jeno asks.

“No. But they needed a family member on the outside to get like… medicine and stuff. My father has been there but given the situation with my mother… I don’t know how much longer he’d want to be around.”

“We’ll take turns.” Jeno says looking at Jaemin and he nods. “You can rest tonight as long as you’d like. We’ll all go one by one.”

“I’ll take the first shift. I’ll go in the morning and Jeno can take over in the afternoon.” Jaemin nods.

“I’ll call my mother and ask her what things we might need during this time.” Jeno plans some more.

“I’ll make a list of all the duties we will need to be on top of. Medicine, food, any change of clothes Renjun’s mother might need.” Jaemin adds with purpose.

Renjun feels the tears again. He hadn’t even asked for this but his friends were already making up a rota to help him during the worst time of his life.

“I’m really sorry.” Renjun says, only now he is saying it mindfully.

Jeno smiles gently and puts an arm around Renjun and brings himself at his eye level. “What do you have to be sorry for, huh?”

“I don’t know… just for everything…” he tries to explain but finds his throat getting thick again.

“We’ve been really worried about you, Renjun. We just wanted to give you some time.” Jaemin says in a soft, nurturing tone.

“Everybody, man. Chenle told us that you must be going through some real shit and Mark gave us an earful for not probing you for information. But Jaemin said you would probably like some space.” Jeno tells him and Renjun is surprised to find out that his friends had picked up on his aloofness. At the same time, and as if in a sudden moment of clarity, he is not surprised at all. Of course they picked up on it. These people were his friends.

“That was a stupid idea, though. I don’t think we should’ve left you alone. Let’s always probe him in the future.” Jaemin reflects, shaking his head.

“Yeah, let’s always probe him.” Jeno repeats and Renjun finds himself sniggering through the tears.

Jeno rubs the back of Renjun’s neck. “We’ve got you, man,” and finally, and miraculously, he believes it.

Jisung walks in right then, holding onto what looks like laundry. “I… I put this in the drier. It is nice and warm. You… you should shower and change because you’ve been in the hospital.” Jisung says awkwardly. Renjun looks up and can’t help but smile because he can’t believe the boy that was most like a younger brother to him was taking care of him. “And uh, you both as well. Shower and change and uh… I’ll change and sanitize these sheets.”

Jeno looks up and smiles at him as well. It’s such a weird feeling, this odd sort of pride when you realize that your youngest is growing up and taking care of you. This is an extraordinary, bizarre moment in every possible way. But Renjun accepts this moment with open arms over all the moments he had been given these past couple of weeks.

“Um… I think you have to put your contaminated clothes in like, a plastic bag. I’ll Google how to disinfect them. But you should all shower before the food gets here.” he says again, awkwardly moving from the foot of the bed to his desk.

“Okay, Jisung.” Renjun says, smiling a tired but genuine smile.

“Yes, big brother.” Jaemin chuckles.

“Okay… let’s shower and disinfect.” Jeno says, patting Renjun on the back before getting up.

The four boys reconvene in the living room later, fresh and clean and comfortable, sitting round the coffee table on the floor, looking up in surprise as Jisung brings in boxes of pizza and sets them up.

“Is Jisung really setting up the food he bought?” Jeno asks in mock wonder. But set them up he does and he even goes so far as to place a piece in front of all his friends and pour out coke for them in little paper cups. And when Renjun doesn’t pick up his slice right away, Jaemin leans in and feeds him his own. And eating makes Renjun feel so much more hopeful. The four friends eat and talk as if the fight hadn’t even happened in this very place just a couple of days ago. Like all was well and the only thing that mattered was that they needed to be there for Renjun when he was hurting.

And in that moment, Renjun realizes that his body was kinder to him than his mind had been. Because his mind had been telling him to hide away, to block everyone out. To suffer in silence and believe that nobody cared for him. To never open up because nothing good could ever come out of it. His mind had told him that his friends didn’t worry about him. That nobody in this world cared about him.

But his body had kept him alive. His body had numbed his mind and led him to all the people he loved. His body knew that Renjun had friends who truly cared for him. Who would sit and listen to him without judgement. Who would hold no grudges and be there for him when he needed them. Who would huddle around him to protect him, hold his hand when it needed to be held, feed him when he was hungry and tuck him in so he could finally get some sleep.

His mind had worried and worried till it could worry no more because it was so damn tired. But his body had been so kind. His body reminded him that he mattered. That he was loved. That he was not alone. Because he always had his friends. And him and his friends had always been a dream team.

#renjun fic #renjun fluff #renjun angst #kpopscape #ficscafe #neowritingsnet #dreamwritersnet #huang renjun #renjun #nct fic #nct angst #nct fluff #nct dream #nct dream fic #nct college au #renjun x reader #we met in online class

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miracleonice87 · 3 years

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1,000 Nights

a/n: in honor of Sid’s 1,000th career game. congratulations, SPC. you’ve come a long way, baby. story set in a non-covid-riddled universe.

warnings: swearing, alcohol

word count: 3.5k+

“I’m sorry I won’t be there tonight,” you sighed into the phone with a frown, tossing a stack of media briefings on your desk. “I just… I feel awful.“

“Baby, please, don’t apologize,” Sidney said softly, but so sincerely, on the other end. “Trust me, I get it. I mean, look, I wasn’t there for the thousandth press release you wrote, eh?”

You chuckled lightly, appreciative of your boyfriend’s efforts to make you feel better about missing the one thousandth game of his NHL career — a milestone that would come only once.

“It’s not quite the same,” you mumbled. “I just hate to miss it. But Kelsey promised me she’d FaceTime me the whole time.”

You heard the smile in Sid’s voice at the mention of his teammate’s wife, one of your closest friends, as he replied, “That’s nice. Listen, I don’t want you feeling bad about this, okay? We’ll celebrate when you come down next weekend.”

You drummed your fingers on your desk, then spotted your boss, Brendan Shanahan, quietly knocking before wincing, realizing he had interrupted your phone call. You shook your head, signaling it was no big deal, and waved him in.

“You got yourself a deal, Crosby,” you said as Brendan sat down in the chair across from you, a grin on his face.

“Alright, baby,” Sidney spoke. “I’ll let you get back to it. I love you, sweetheart.”

A weak smile crossed your face at his words, but you were certain you felt your heart splitting within your chest, the sting of missing him more painful today than most days.

“I love you, too,” you replied softly. “Call me after the game. And, hey, Sid?”

“Yeah?” Sid prompted.

You paused, knowing tears would likely be streaming down your cheeks if not for your friend and colleague seated on the other side of your desk.

“Congratulations,” you said solemnly. “I’m so proud of you.”

Your chest swelled at Sidney’s appreciative hum in response.

“Thank you, my love,” he said. “I’ll call you tonight. Bye.”

You said your own goodbye and dropped your phone to the oak desk, tipping your head back, emotionally exhausted.

Brendan gave you a sad smile. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

You heaved a deep breath, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your desk while rubbing at your temples.

“I guess so,” you began unconvincingly. “Just basically feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world today.”

Brendan offered an understanding nod, pausing before sitting straighter in his chair, sniffing casually. You’d known him for years now, since you started as an entry-level social media team member with the Leafs following your graduation from Pitt, before working your way to communications director three summers ago. The two of you had formed a near-instant bond, and now, you could read him like the back of your hand.

Which is how you knew he was up to something.

You folded your arms in front of you and narrowed your eyes at him.

“What?” was your only question.

Brendan couldn’t keep the smirk from his lips as he cleared his throat and reached into his inside suit jacket pocket for a stack of papers, folded together in thirds. He placed the parcel in front of you and nodded toward it, signaling you to open it.

Your eyes never leaving his, you reached for the papers and pulled them toward you. Your gaze eventually dropped to the stack and swiftly fell to the Air Canada logo printed in the upper corner. The breath left your lungs in a flash.

“You didn’t,” you whispered, looking back toward Brendan, who was now smiling widely.

“I might’ve,” he admitted.

You attempted to restrain your emotions, but your eyes burned with tears as you looked more carefully at the papers, scanning them furiously for more information.

Toronto (YYZ) to Pittsburgh (PIT) - First Class

Saturday, February 20, 2021 - Departs 1:38 p.m. EST

You shook your head repeatedly, blinking back the wetness that now blurred your vision.

“Brendan, I can’t-“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” he warned, pointing sternly at you. “Consider this an executive order. I already told the Pens staff you’d be there, and they’re emailing you over a pass. Family comes first here — you know that. That man is your family. You need to be with him tonight to celebrate.”

Tears fell freely down your cheeks now, and you quickly stood from your chair to round the desk and wrap your arms around Brendan’s neck.

“Thank you,” you whispered simply.

Brendan patted your back affectionately before you stepped back, standing up straight as you dabbed at the fallen tears on your cheeks.

“You’re welcome,” Brendan replied as he stood. “We’ll handle things here tonight, and we’ll see you back here for tomorrow night’s game, eh?”

You nodded furiously, a stupidly big smile on your face as you returned to your desk.

“Absolutely,” you confirmed. “And don’t worry — I’ll finish what I have going now and I’ll brief the interns before I go.”

Brendan nodded once and sent a wink your way as he neared the doorway.

“Please give Sidney my best, and congratulate him on behalf of us all,” Brendan requested. “He’s one hell of a player and one hell of a man. I’m glad I have the opportunity to know him better because of you.”

Overcome by emotion once again, you opened your mouth to respond, but decided against trusting your voice. You closed your mouth and nodded at Brendan one last time before he patted the doorpost and left you to finish your tasks at hand.

_____

“Shit, shit, shit,” you muttered upon realizing that traffic had stopped completely in the two blocks leading up Center Avenue to the arena.

You’d come through two airports in two countries, but the most vile threat to your seeing Sidney’s recognition ceremony was now two measly city blocks of Pittsburgh traffic.

Your Uber driver groaned. “Sorry, dear,” he said. “Looks like we’re gonna be backed up for a while.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” you assured, glancing at your phone to realize that it was already 6:42, giving you about ten minutes to get inside if you wanted to witness your the pregame festivities honoring your boyfriend.

You had only one option.

“You know what?” you began, unbuckling your seatbelt and reaching for your bag. “I’m just gonna run. Thank you so much for your time. I swear I’ll leave you a nice tip. ‘M sorry for leaving you stuck.”

You watched your driver’s eyes widen in the rearview mirror. “Miss, I don’t think that’s a good idea!” he tried to protest.

“Don’t worry,” you said. “I know my way. Again, thank you.”

With that, you jumped out of the car and set off toward the arena, walking briskly up the hill leading to the entrance. Your breath created small white puffs in the frigid air, and you pulled your coat around your waist more tightly, thankful that you had grabbed the woolen scarf hanging on the back of your office door at the last second before departing. You rushed up the sidewalk, burying the bottom half of your face within the warmth of the fabric, and retrieved your phone to pull up the pass that the Penguins’ front office had sent over earlier in the afternoon. You sighed in relief when you found it, and once more checked the time — 6:47.

You just might make it.

As you finally approached the arena doors, you made a beeline directly for the club level entrance, smiling when you saw a familiar face.

“Hi, Manny,” you said to your favorite arena attendant as he pushed the door open and welcomed you in from the cold.

“Well, look who it is!” Manny exclaimed, hugging you briefly. “I didn’t think you’d be here!”

“I didn’t either,” you panted, smiling. “But I made it.”

Manny patted your arm and looked toward his colleague.

“Joey, I’m gonna escort this young lady down to the tunnel so she can get a better view of tonight’s little event,” Manny said with a wink, pressing the button on the elevator in front of you.

“No, no, that’s okay,” you protested, shaking your head as he ushered you into the elevator. “Really, I can just go up to his suite and watch from there. I don’t need to go down to the tunnel.”

Manny laughed and shook his head, nodding to the elevator attendant. “I don’t think so, hun,” he chuckled. “Not on my watch. We’ll get you down there and give you an up-close view.”

You sighed, shrugging off your jacket and scarf and folding them over your arm.

“Thank you, Manny,” you said with a grateful smile. Manny nodded, just as the elevator doors opened to reveal the depths of the arena.

“Come on,” Manny motioned toward himself. “Give me your things, and you go.”

Acutely aware that the clock was really ticking now, you didn’t put up a fight and passed your belongings to Manny, who silently pointed toward the tunnel outside the home locker room, where you caught a glimpse the tail end of the line of Sidney’s teammates, with Geno bringing up the rear as the men made their way to their bench for the presentation.

At that moment, Geno happened to look to his right, spotting you immediately.

“You’re here!” he exclaimed, still walking behind his team. He threw his hands atop his head and laughed in disbelief. “Oh, my god, Sid will be so happy you’re here!”

You smiled at Geno’s excitement, nodding as he pumped his fist once before disappearing from sight.

As you reached the locker room doors, you took a deep breath, knowing that only one player was still behind them.

Sidney stepped out of the room, and you noted that his shoulders sagged slightly, his eyes downcast as he sighed softly, turning in the direction of the ice before pausing as the PA announcer started his introduction, rattling off Sid’s lengthy list of accomplishments.

You took that as your cue.

“Hi,” you uttered quietly.

His head whipping toward you, Sidney’s eyes found yours after the briefest of moments, wide and gleaming. He breathed your name; you only grinned.

In a heartbeat, he was in front of you, gathering your face in his hands as he kissed you feverishly.

When he eventually broke the kiss, he hurriedly whispered, “What are you doing here?”

You smiled, resting your hands on his shoulder pads. “Same thing everyone else is doing,” you answered. “Celebrating you.”

Sidney giggled incredulously. “God, I can’t believe you’re-“

“And now, please welcome to the ice, your captain-“

You shoved at Sidney’s chest with a gasp, pushing him toward the ice where the announcer’s voice echoed and the crowd roared.

“Go!” you shouted.

Sidney immediately reached for your hand, pulling you along as he passed the spot where you had planned to stand and watch, hidden from view.

“You’re coming with me,” Sidney said firmly even as you shook your head. He firmly nodded his own.

“Yes. My family’s out there already. Stand by them,” he instructed, eyes glimmering with joy.

Your ears began to ring — not just because of the crowd noise, but because of the intensity of it all. Parading you in front of the entire Penguins organization and 18,000 of his fans was not something Sidney took lightly, and you knew that. You’d been in attendance for milestone games before, sitting in the stands with his family, or with Mario in the suite. And, of course, you were aware that you’d been spotted in public by Sid’s side before — at dinner dates on Mount Washington and at bars on the North Shore — but this incredibly public gesture was something entirely new in your relationship with him. It was overwhelming, but somehow still felt right. And if Sid felt ready, then so did you. You’d do anything to make him smile the way he had when he first saw you tonight in the tunnel — especially on a night that was so sentimental, one that you’d look back on together for a lifetime.

And even if you had been hesitant, it didn’t much matter, because without a second to resist, you were walking out onto the unrolled carpet while Sidney skated alongside you, parallel to your path, as fans applauded. Troy, Trina, and Taylor were visibly stunned as they watched Sidney enter with you at his side. The crowd cheered Sidney louder and louder with each passing moment, and he waved and nodded in acknowledgement, while you reached the end of the carpet and were embraced by each of Sidney’s family members.

“When did you get here?!” Taylor asked through clenched teeth as she tried to remain composed, despite the signature Crosby laughter bubbling from her lips.

“Literally minutes ago,” you answered in the same manner as Trina murmured your name tearfully, shaking her head in astonishment.

Troy smiled warmly down at you, squeezing your shoulder.

“This is gonna mean the world to him,” Troy spoke softly.

You nodded in acknowledgement, incredibly thankful to be able to share in Sidney’s special moment next to the people who raised him.

When the crowd’s volume eventually faded enough for the PA announcer to begin the recognition, you still barely heard the words echoing from the loudspeakers. Instead, you focused on the man standing next to you — the one you’d loved since the day you met; the one who left you in awe each day, not because of his unmatched talent on the ice but because of the resolute goodness of his soul; the one who would, in time, surely be the person you decided to step away from your career for, to settle down beside, and to start a family with. Before him, you were sure that you would never slow down for long enough to get married and have children; after him, you thought about doing so every single day, and you were surprisingly thrilled by that very thought which used to send you into a panic.

This man meant so much to so many — this night was proof of that — but he meant the most to you, and you knew without a doubt that he would be the one with whom you built your forever.

But, for now, on this night, he continued his own building, that of his hockey legacy — a fairy-tale story that started in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia, and continued more than a thousand miles away in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, with a thousand chapters so far and much still to be written.

_____

“A little birdie told me you might be here this evening,” a distinct French-Canadian accented voice said softly as his fingers curled around your shoulders.

You snickered, finishing your sip of merlot, and turned to face Mario’s towering figure. You leaned into his chest and were immediately wrapped into a warm hug.

“Was that little birdie named Shanny by any chance?” you asked with a grin. Mario simply shrugged coyly, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“In all seriousness, sweetheart, I was so glad when I heard you were coming,” Mario said, his voice even and serious. “He wants to share it all with you, especially the big stuff, like this. I can’t imagine how happy he was when he saw you.”

You smiled, cognizant of the common sentiments coming from the two most influential men in Sidney’s life. You knew how much you meant to your boyfriend, but hearing that Sid let both Troy and Mario know the same brought a warmth deep within your chest.

“It was pretty incredible. I’m just so pleased that it worked out,” you said fondly. “I want to share it all with him, too.”

Mario nodded, squeezing your bicep softly.

“Come on,” he encouraged with a smirk, nodding toward the bar at the back of the suite. “Let’s get another drink and celebrate.”

_____

“What a night,” Sidney murmured warmly into the dim master suite, lighted only by a few candles on the end tables that you’d lit upon returning home, signaling that it was time for your and Sid’s own private celebration in the comfort of his home.

You hummed in acknowledgment, circling your fingertips on his bare chest.

“I’m so glad you were there,” he added, placing a kiss in your hair.

You smiled up at him and reached to peck his lips.

“Me too,” you said. “This day couldn’t have been more perfect.”

An ornery smile tugged at the corner’s of Sidney’s plump lips.

“You don’t think so?” he began, making you furrow your brow in question. Seeing your confusion, he added, “I can think of one thing that would make this day even better.”

Leaving you lying in his bed watching him, propped up on your elbows, Sidney pulled on his sweats at the foot of the bed and crossed the room to his chest of drawers, reaching into the top one, his fingers moving all the way toward the back of it.

And there, even in the darkness, you knew exactly what he’d retrieved.

You sat straight up, pulling the red velvet-shaded sheets around your bare form. Tears already formed in your eyes, and you covered your mouth in utter amazement as Sidney walked toward you with a look of determination and knelt at the side of the bed.

“Sidney,” you whispered, splaying your hand across your chest.

“I was gonna wait until you were here next weekend to do this, but I honestly can’t wait anymore,” Sid began, his serious expression giving way to a joyful one. “This day has been all about me, and don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to be where I am in my career,” he continued. “But the whole day, knowing you weren’t going to be there, I just felt... empty inside. It felt like a waste. I was just plastering on a smile and saying all the right things, but in my heart, it just felt meaningless if you couldn’t be a part of it. That’s how every day feels when I can’t be beside you.”

You were sobbing unabashedly now, your hand resting on Sidney’s neck as you listened to him.

“And I know you love your work, and I would never dream of asking you to give that up. But someday, in the not-so-distant future, my days of playing hockey are going to come to an end. And the second that happens, I can promise you this — I’m going to come to wherever you are, just to be near you,” he spoke, his voice quivering just slightly as his emotions became evident. “Because someday, whether it’s ten years from now or five years or a month or tomorrow, I wanna marry you, baby. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. So...”

Sidney cleared his throat and lifted the box he held so that you could see it, flipping open the top to reveal the loveliest marquis-cut halo diamond ring you had ever seen. Your breath caught in your throat, and before Sidney could ask the question, you let out a firm “yes!”

Sidney threw his head back in laughter — your favorite song.

“How do you know what I was gonna ask?” he teased, leaning closer to you with one brow quirked.

“Sorry,” you muttered halfheartedly. “Okay, okay. Ask me.”

Sidney beamed. “Sweetheart, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” you confirmed the second he finished the sentence, grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him urgently. Both of you smiled into the kiss and continued your embrace for several moments, parting only to stare at each other and giggle incredulously.

“I love you,” you whispered. “And trust me, it won’t be ten years or five years from now. I’ll be ready very, very soon. I promise,” you assured.

Sidney’s smile grew even wider, and you knew he was somewhat taken aback by your assertion.

“Really?” he asked, smoothing his hand over your hair. You nodded.

“Give me a season or two,” you replied. “I know I can always go back to it. But this... us... nothing is more important to me, Sid. I want to spend all of my days with you, too.”

With that, Sidney grasped your jaw and kissed you with a fervor that told of not only his passion for you but the relief he felt in hearing your statement.

“I love you,” he panted when he finally pulled his lips from yours. “Can I put the ring on you now?”

With a laugh, you joked, “Well, I suppose so.”

Sidney shook his head in amusement and pulled the ring from the box, sliding it onto your left hand. You wiggled your fingers and admired the perfect fit of the ring, not to mention its exceptional beauty.

“Wow,” you whispered, looking back to Sidney. You held the back of your hand up to him and teased, “A bunch of 1,000 game gifts and a fiancée all in one night. Not bad for you, eh?”

Sidney reached for your hand and left a long kiss on your knuckles.

“Not bad at all,” he answered earnestly.

#1000 for 87 #my writing #sidney crosby #crosby #sidney crosby writing #sidney crosby fanfiction #hockey writing #hockey fanfiction #nhl writing #nhl fanficfion #sidney crosby fanfic #sidney crosby fic #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby one shot #pittsburgh penguins

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creepytoes88 · 3 years

Text

Angry sex with Vinnie

So this is a very bratty reader and there is hitting in this I AM NOT ROMANTICIZING ABUSE! I can NOT stress this ENOUGH

THIS IS A EXTREMELY DEGRADING SMUT

But this might be one of my favorites I choose Bryce cus he’s problematic so it seemed realistic to me just imagine him and Addison aren’t a thing lol COVID DOESN’T EXIST IN ANY OF MY STORIES Covid makes me sad 😢 OK LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS ♥️🤌🥸

I’m almost done getting ready when I hear Vinnie come in the room. Vinnie and I are going to Jake pauls ( he literally has nothing to do with the story) party or one of the biggest parties in LA everyone gets shit-faced and either you have to crash there or you have to get a Uber. Needless to say, I'm scared shitless but I'm not gonna let Vinnie know that he's way too excited for me to bail on him. So I just keep getting ready and keep telling myself tonight's gonna be great, because it is gonna be great. Vinnie comes into the bathroom with his hair maintained and non-frizzy no matter how much I wanted to run my hands through it, I also knew Vinnie would KILL me so I resisted.

”Hey you,” I say with a smile ”Hey you look hot,” Vinnie says looking me up and down, I stopped and turned around with a straight face ”and absolutely breathtaking just say the word, and ill go ring shopping m’lady. Vinnie says with a shit-eating grin as he bows to me I smile ”well now that you mention it...” I place my finger on my chin pretending to think about it ” I would love a ring pop” I continue to do my make up as Vinnie chuckles. He walks up behind me wrapping his hands around my hips rubbing his thumbs on my dress before leaning into my ear

”you look amazing baby” he kisses the side of my neck ” I could take you right now,” Vinnie says in a deep voice. I turn around putting my hand on his chest ”don’t even think about it, I love you but we have to leave in 20 minutes and I'm still not done with my make-up.” I turn around again continuing to do my make up I feel a slap on my ass. I gasp at the sting of the hit ”such a brat.” Vinnie kisses your neck again before leaving the bathroom It's gonna be a long night.

Time skip to party

As soon as we pull up to the party a group of Vinnie's friends immediately take him away to play beer pong. I roll my eyes as I walk to Maddy and Avani, we get drinks and walk to the dance floor, about an hour has passed, and was done dancing and kinda just wanted to check on Vinnie. I stand up and tell the girls I'm gonna find Vinnie they nod and I walk in the direction he went when the boys pulled him away. Just more dancing people but no Vinnie, ok maybe the back yard I walk towards the back door and as I step out did I hear the most the last thing I wanted to hear ”KICK HIS ASS VINNIE” I hear people yelling ”FUCK YEA, GET HIM VINNIE ” I see Jordan and Kio high-five as they encourage Vinnie to beat the crap of someone. I run over to Jordan and Kio ”What the fuck is wrong with you guys stop him!” I screech at them Jordans head whips around with scared eyes as he runs to me and grabs me ”stop you didn’t see what happened and what Bryce said!” ” He fucking deserves it!” Kio yells kinda drunk.

Vinnie's POV

After the boys came and pulled me away from Y/n we played pong and shotgun a couple of claws (gross) before I know it I was feeling the alcohol. As I'm talking to Jordan and Kio I feel a slap on my shoulder ”ssssssup man” Bryce wraps his arm around my shoulder. I could smell the alcohol on his breath not that his slurring wasn't enough evidence to show he's drunk off his ass. ”hey bro what's up?” I ask

”not much but *burp* I do wanna tell you *hiccup* that Y/n looks like a million dollars tonight man” I look at him as I try to keep me cool knowing he's just drunk ”Like honestly dude*hiccup* if you weren't dating her I would totally hit it *hiccup* like her ass is perfect man, and her tits dude. Does she ever wear a bra I can always see her *hiccup* nips but it makes me so horny man?” Bryce laughs as he claps me on the back. I look at Jordan and Kio who look at me shocked, unfortunately for Bryce, I was far too buzzed to even think about what I was doing before my fist collided with his face.

Y/n’s POV

I push my way through the crowd and when I get to the front I see Vinnie on top of Bryce trying to curve his face in, both of his fists pounding into Bryce's face. ”VINNIE STOP” I scream immediately he stops and turns around seeing my scared face he stands up coming towards me but I walk past him going straight to Bryce and start to shake him. I hear him groan ”are you ok?” I ask as he slowly opens his eyes ”look I'm in Heaven” Bryce says with a wink before passing out all the sudden I'm being pulled up by my arm like a child. I look up to see an extremely angry Vinnie I could see him shaking with anger. ”ow Vinnie you're hurting me” I whine as I try to pry his hand off of my arm ”VINNIE STOP” I yell at him in front of everyone.

”YOU CAN’T JUST GET JEALOUS, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE! AND THEN YOU WANT TO DRAG ME OUT OF THE PARTY LIKE A FUCKING KID I THINK THE FUCK NOT!” I yell at him with sass. As soon as the words leave my mouth I see his usually sweet and loving eyes change before me becoming almost emotionless. They fill with absolute rage Vinnie narrows his eyes at me picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder holding my legs so I can't kick him.

”PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN RIGHT NOW!” I pound my fists into his back and scream having an absolute tantrum, I'm so angry that I'm seeing red, not a few minutes later I was put on the ground.

Before I could push him away I was turned around and push against the car ”such a fucking brat!” He slaps my ass

”fuck you,” I say as I try to get my hands free I hear the car door open then the back of the seat being moved. Vinnie sits in the car pulling me I'm with him so I'm sitting on his lap and start to push on his chest to get away I know what's about to happen and I know it gonna hurt a lot. ”STOP YOU FUCKING BRAT!” Vinnie yells and finally holding my hands behind my back. Vinnie looks up at me and chuckles he holds my hands with one of his own, his other hand pulling on his belt wrapping my wrists together ”NO DON’T DADDY IM SORRY!” I say as tears start filling my eyes and my bottom lip quivers.

Vinnie looks up at me his eyes showing no emotion ”I'm not gonna hit you till I'm calm-” My eyes widen ”NO FUCK YOU!” I yell as I try to get away even though I know I can't but I don't want a spanking. I know Vinnie won't touch me till we’re home and it's a long-ass drive at least an hour or two depending on traffic meaning I'm gonna be hot and bothered AND my ass is gonna be on fire. I feel a harsh slap on my right cheek I let out an involuntary moan grinding against him ”STOP talking to me like that.” Vinnie rubs my cheek turning my face towards him ”you’ve made daddy very mad and after your punishment, we will be having a conversation about tonight right now I need you to take your punishment like a good girl.” Vinnie says softly rubbing my cheek I know he's trying to make a point about my attitude and he’s somehow being so sweet. I wish I could say it was me being extremely horny and slightly tipsy but honestly, it was just my pride I don't wanna admit that I'm wrong, for talking to him like that and hitting him in anger, which I have never done before, I feel bad but still, the words came out.

”NO! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I shout right in his face Vinnie’s eyes lock with my own I gulp that was the last straw and I know it. All of a sudden my face is in the passenger seat my chest is against the armrest in the middle Vinnie puts his left leg over my legs so I couldn’t kick him or grind myself against him.

”D-Daddy don't please.” I sniff looking back at him with wide eyes ”I-i I'll be good daddy-” Vinnie lets out a dark laugh he then grabs a first full of my hair and yanks my head back I gasp ”I hope you cry.” Vinnie whispered in my ear before pushing my head back down ”Don’t fucking move or you get five more.” Vinnie lifts my dress so it's around my waist he ripped my underwear off throwing the ruined material on his dashboard. ”count” Vinnie demands ”How many-?” I start to ask ”DID I SAY TO FUCKING SPEAK!” Vinnie lands a hard slap on my ass

”OH FUCK!” I yell trying to get away ”thats 25 now.” Vinnie says as he pulls me back into place ”Now I said count, so fucking count slut!”

I feel the first one on my right cheek ”OW one” I said as I sniff holding my tears in. Another one SLAP! This time on my left I let out a cry as I try not to move an inch. ”TWO!” this time a tear slips out but Vinnie doesn't see it, his hand lands on my right cheek way more hard then the last one and before I could even cry he lands another one with the same power onto the left cheek. A sob escapes my mouth as tears fall down my face ”FUCKING COUNT OR USE THE SAFE WORD!” my heat throbs as he yells at me my arousal running down my legs. ”THREE FOUR!” I scream as a sob comes up my throat it hurts so bad but feels so good.

”T-T-TWENTY-FIVE!” I scream sob, my face soaked with tears and my wetness has been running down my legs, I could feel the puddle on his jeans. My ass is on fire and it's bright red with handprints all over the place, I have my head resting on the seat trying to calm down my breathing and crying. Vinnie silently runs his thumbs from the puddle on his jeans all the way to my slit, collecting all of the wetness from that thigh before sticking the digit in his mouth ”mmhm” he moans before doing the same to the other thigh, once again putting his thumb in his mouth again. I am however still sobbing ”you can cry all you want baby...” he kisses my red ass cheek ”you are just making me so much more hard.” Vinnie says before he licks my clit softly ”mmm daddy” I say with a small voice ”I’m still mad at you baby.” He says as he slaps my clit making me whimper ”please daddy” I try to grab his shirt with my hands.

Vinnie immediately pulls away so I can't touch him or grab him ”No, don't fucking touch me.” he says repeating what I said to him not long ago obviously, it had hurt his feelings and stuck with him. ”oh, daddy I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way.” I look back at Vinnie best I can from my position ”I really am sorry Vinnie, I love you.” I say with wide eyes making sure he is paying attention. He rubs my thigh ”I know you are brat!” he then slaps my thigh ”sit in your seat and buckle up I don't wanna hear a word.” he pulls his belt off and puts it in the back seat. A tear slips down my face, is he really that mad at me that he won't say I love you back, I crawl to my seat and fix my dress before I sit down soft and slow my behind still in major pain.

The pain makes me feel even worse knowing he's very mad at me I stare at my hands I didn't even realize I was still crying till he said something ”turn around baby let me see” Vinnie says softly. I look up at him and I sniff slowly I pull my knees up and stand on them and use the window for support as Vinnie pulls my dress up around my waist once again ”fuck baby I'm sorry” Vinnie says in a sad tone as he begins to leave light kisses on my cheeks ” I love you baby so much I'm just pissed at Bryce and then you were being a bitch about-” My eyes widen ” W-What? I was being a bitch! You dragged me around like a fucking kid!” I say angrily as tears run down my face ”you're a fucking asshole” I say to myself getting ready to sit back down but then I feel pain on the skin of my ass so much worse then before and it didn't feel like a hand.

A giant sob jumps from my throat and moaning I feel my pussy clench around nothing for the hundredth time this night. I whip my head around to see Vinnie holding his belt in his hand with an angry face and black eyes filled with lust and rage mostly rage. ”You never fucking learn, unless I treat you like shit so get in the fucking back! Don't say a goddamn word or I'll whip you with my belt again.” I gasp and I scurry between the seats my ass getting stuck between my seat and Vinnie's shoulder. ”My lucky day huh.” I feel him smack my ass a cry leaving my lips and I fall into the back seat my ass in the air. Another slap is delivered to my ass tears running down my face as I try to buckle up fast even with the pain in my behind, my makeup was definitely fucked up.

20 minutes later we pulled into a nice-looking hotel Vinnie grabs a napkin and hands it to me silently ”don’t say a word unless spoken to and just sit down till I come get you.” I nod as I wipe my eyes trying to stop the tears Vinnie steps out of the car and opens the back door on my side grabbing my hand and pulling me out after I unbuckle. I know this sweetness is going to be short-lived as it's just a front so people don't think something is actually wrong. Vinnie approach soon but first he turns around and asks how late room service is open ”24/7 sir” the lady says as she hands him two room cards.

”Perfect.” Vinnie says as he grabs my hand pulling me to the elevator the second the elevator door shut Vinnie grabs my neck and slammed me against the wall.

A loud moan leaving my lips ”i had to get the most expensive room so they wouldn't kick us out for all the screaming you're going to do from your punishments.” Vinnie licks my lips and cheek ”Open your fucking mouth!” he says immediately my mouth drops and my tongue falls out past my teeth. Vinnie spits in my mouth I moan loudly ”Swallow” so I did ”Again”

he grunts squeezing my neck and one of my boobs, my mouth drops open Vinnie spits but it doesn't all go in my mouth I shoot my eyes open looking down at the spit on the floor disappointed. I start to lean down ”Don’t baby I'll give you more.” I look up at Vinnie and grab his waist, a slap is delivered to my face ”I said don't touch me do you want me to spit in your mouth or not!” I moan dropping to the floor on my knees mouth open ”YES!” I say rushing to taste him again.

”I-I’m sorry daddy I won't do it anymore.” I say with puppy eyes my mouth open waiting for him to give me a gift. Vinnie looks down at me with a disgusted look tears fall from my eyes as I look up at him mouth still open waiting patiently. ”You're a nasty slut!” he slaps me before forcing my mouth open spitting inside. I moan at the taste and at the pain on my face I swallow reluctantly wanting it to last forever I then lick my lips and hold my cheek ”we’re the only people on this floor so strip and crawl to the room. Stay on your knees where you belong, for now at least”

He Pushes me to he ground It didn't hurt because I was only on my knees I take my dress off and my dra I go to kick my heels off

”Don’t! keep them on.” Vinnie says leaning down picking up my clothes as the doors open I see a long hallway and all the way to the end is a double door I crawl out and wait for Vinnie ”Come here, Now.” I crawl as fast as I can ”sit” my eyes widen I'm not a fucking dog I think to myself all the sudden I feel something around my neck.

Vinnie had fastened his belt around my neck like a collar ”Crawl bitch!” I gasp as my hands hit the ground we slowly move towards the door Vinnie behind me. I feel pain on my ass once again I whip my head around to see Vinnie whip my ass with my own bra. I moan I'm gonna have bruises for months, he hits my ass every once in a while I moan every time. We get to the door and he opens it with his key card. ”I have to run to the store you can shower if you wish and watch tv but I expect you naked and ready when I get back” Vinnie starts to walk away ”oh and don't touch your self, I'll know if you did.” he turns to me and looks down into my eyes before walking out.

I hop in the shower and then I lay on the couch with a homemade ice pack I made, with supplies from the room and the mini ice machine in the room, pressed against my sore ass. It's been barely been an hour, but I already miss Vinnie. I can't wait for my punishment to be over so he will hold me and kiss me I don’t wanna fight, I wanna sleep. My head lefts up at the sound of the door being opened. ”Get on the bed it's time for your punishment.” Vinnie says as he comes in with a couple of different black bags I Eye them suspicious of what's inside.

”Don't worry about it and lay on your stomach.” Vinnie says in a slightly angry tone I rush on the bed and lay my head in a pillow I feel Vinnie slightly sit on my lower back making the bed dip. All of the sudden my hand is being tired to the headboard then the other he gets off me before doing the same to my legs. I'm spread like a starfish and I can't turn my head to see anything. ”scream and cry all you want I don’t care.” and with that, he gets off me not a second later I hear him fiddle with the bags and then silence then I hear... Buzzing?

My eyes widen as I realize what my punishment is ”NO DADDY PLEASE I-I IM SORRY NOT THAT PLEASE!” tears immediately pour down my face I pull at my restraints even though it's useless. ”Maybe you will listen first then run your loudmouth Brat.” I feel the head of the vibrator enter me and I moan immediately pleasure runs through me I hear another vibration and then out of nowhere, Vinnie pulls a smaller vibrator out and positioned right at my clit. I moan even louder I can feel my first orgasm approach. I feel a slap on my ass ”n-no more daddy please I will behave and l-listen.”

I sob as he delivers more smacks to my overly sore ass my orgasm ripping through me another already on its way. I hear Vinnie start to look in the bags again he pulls my hair back ”see this” Vinnie shows me a stick or so I think. He pulls on one of the ends and it comes off releasing a bunch of leather strings my eyes widen in fear he's gonna whip me with a real sex whip my second orgasm making me shakes and convulses almost pushing the vibrator out. Vinnie pushes it back in all the way before he starts whipping my ass with the whip my third orgasm approaching fast ”AAAH MAKE IT STOP VINNIE IT’S TOO MUCH TO FAST!” I yell tears running down my face

”what’s that? turn them on high! ok whatever you say.” Vinnie chuckled deeply ”Nooooooo” I moan as the vibrations make my third orgasm be forced out I scream nonsense orgasm after orgasm driving me crazy.

-two hours later-

I was sobbing and screaming as another orgasm ripped me apart it feels so good but it hurts to breathe at this point. ”CORN MUSTARD” I yell the safe word. Immediately the vibration stop and are pulled from my body Vinnie unties my hands and feet ”BABY ARE YOU OK” he softly turns me over on my back and I hiss in pain everything hurts ”NO FUCK YOU!” I yell not meaning a word of it ”oh baby I'm so sorry-” I push him away I'm not even mad at him I'm just in pain and still unsatisfied ashamed I still want his dick and his mouth on mine I feel a Slap ”WHY CAN’T YOU FUCKING LEARN??!? DO I HAVE TO HURT YOU WITH MY COCK AND WORDS TO MAKE YOU FUCKING LISTEN!” he slams his rock hard cock into me I didn't even know he was naked till now ”UGH I HATE YOU.” I yell

Vinnie stops and pulls out of me he slams back in making me moan ”FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY YOU’RE A SLAVE FOR MY COCK, YOU FUCKING WHORE!” Vinnie yells as he slaps my face. Begin to moan uncontrollably it feels so good I can feel him in my belly his big ass cock ramming into my uterus. ”FUCK DADDY IM SORRY I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU I DON’T HATE YOU I LOVE YOU S-SO MUCH DADDY! IM YOUR SLUTTY WHORE PLEASE PUT YOUR CUM IN ME AND FILL ME UP, DADDY” I was shaking around his cock his breath in my face I just wanted to taste him so bad ”p-please kiss me daddy.” Vinnie looks down at me ”WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I KISS YOU BITCH, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT BE A PAIN IN THE ASS TONIGHT!” I sob I just wanted to feel that he loves me I feel so stupid and useless right now. The sobs no longer from the pleasure but from my broken heart Vinnie slows down looking at my devastated face as real emotional tears and gasps left my body as I just laid there.

”b-baby?” Vinnie asks still pounding into me he stops still inside of me I look up at him and hiccup ”y-you don’t love me anymore because I said a-all those nasty things I d-didn’t mean it a-and you hate me now” I cry into the pillow Vinnie grabs my face wiping all of my tears and kissing me on the lips sweet and passionately taking my breath away.

”mmmmm” I moan into his kiss sliding my tongue in his mouth putting my hand in his hair and hugging his body close to me I was drooling at his taste kissing him harder and grinding against him. I feel Vinnie smile as he begins to fuck me again this time with passion and love not anger and resentment. We both are kissing sloppy and moaning into each others mouths as he pounds into me.

”FUUUUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM GONNA CUM” He moans as he cums deep inside of me causing me to release ”DADDY YESS THANK YOU IM SORRY.” I lay there as Vinnie pulls out my head snaps up ”Nononono I want it.” I open my mouth for his slightly stiff cum covered cock.

”fuck such a nasty girl...” he moans as he puts his cock down my throat choking me

”mmmmm baby I forgive you, you’re so perfect in every way.” he moans taking his soft cock out of my sucking mouth I start to whine but Vinnie pops his finger in my mouth keeping me busy still I pass out.

Vinnie’s POV

”My sweet girl.... No more alcohol for you but I do love you very much you have never been so bratty.” I kiss her lips and turn off the light's pulling my brat closer as I snuggle into her neck I couldn't ask for more.

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