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eclectickss · 3 years

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PGATW Part 4

Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanoff x OC (fem!reader)

Summary: The avengers take a vacation to a private island rental off of the Georgia coast! You now have an opportunity to spend time with your new family, especially Wanda and Natasha.

Word Count: 2K

Check out my main post for links to the rest of the parts and content warnings. Will post again later today.

"ALRIGHT, AVENGERS." Tony stood at the front of the bus like a tour guide as you all pulled into the upstate campus, which made you internally giggle. "We will only be here for fifteen minutes! It used to be thirty but you all were late this morning! Bucky and Sam will be joining us here, but everyone needs to be ready for the bus over to the landing strip and sitting with their asses back in these seats in a quarter of an hour." His voice projected everywhere, and you made a mental note to tease him about it later.

Some people decided not to leave the bus, but you didn't want to miss your last snack and fancy bathroom opportunity for the next two weeks.

"Hey Nat, I'm gonna grab Peter and raid the kitchen. You and Wanda wanna join?" You asked as you slipped on your dino pack. She pondered your question, debating between letting you have your time with Peter or spending more time with him. "C'mon! Prove to him your not a pill and that you know how to have fun." You said, teasing her, hoping to get her to join in.

"I know how to have fun!" She exclaimed as you mockingly rolled your eyes.

"I don't believe you." You bent down to whisper in her ear, and she gasped, jokingly offended by your words. In a rush, she lunged to hug your waist and throw you over her shoulder.

"This is is fun, right? I'm having fun. Are you having fun?" She smirked, carrying you down the isles of the motorcoach.

"Put me down, Natasha!" You laughed and smiled endlessly, enjoying the moment.

"Nope. I'm having fun, Talia." She said slowly as she arrived at Wanda and Peter's feet. "Hey Wanda, Peter." The two of them looked up at you and Natasha, laughing. "Talia here suggested a kitchen raid, so are you two joining?"

"Absolutely." The Sokovian replied, stepping into the aisle.

"What would a vacation be without a pre-travel kitchen raid?" Peter added, joining Wanda as they followed you and Nat out of the bus.

"So Talia," You did your best to look up while you were still over Nat's shoulder when Wanda addressed you. "You having fun up there?"

"Oh, she's having a ton of fun, Wanda," Nat smirked.

"Are you having fun, Natasha?"

"Oh, way more fun than Talia is having. I'm loving this."

"Ok haha. I get it you can put me down now." You said as you started to get uncomfortable in the odd position.

"Whatever you say, Princess." You rolled your eyes again as she set you down but briefly pulled her ear down to your lips.

"I had fun too." You smiled as Natasha shivered.

"Alright team," you turned, now addressing everyone. "What are we on the hunt for today?"

"Twizzlers." Wanda immediately responded.

"Ok... Twizzlers are on the list... anything else?" You were a little surprised by her forwardness.

"I kinda just wanna see what is here." Peter shrugged as you all finally reached the door, stepping inside and striding towards the kitchen.

"Alright, sounds like a plan." You high-fived him.

———

Twelve minutes later, you were back in your seat with Wanda and an entire bag of food on your lap.

You had opened a bag of goldfish, and now you were peacefully snacking and making headway on the short drive to the landing strip. You also found a bag of chips and cherries, as well as some pretzels and chocolates. Wanda had said that she wanted to save her Twizzlers for later, so those were in the bag along with a few other good finds. Peter had his own bag in the back with Natasha, but you weren't too sure what he had grabbed.

"So how did your conversation with Peter go? Nat told me he wanted to work with you for his school project."

"It was actually really good! Of course, I'm not too sure how much a college fundraiser would be capable of making, but it's the thought and effort that counts. Plus, it's a great way for me to get to spend some time with him."

The last sentence stopped you momentarily, but you continued on.

"Well, I can't wait to hear more about it." You smiled, and somewhat unexpectedly, wrapped your fingers around Wanda's.

"Alright, we have arrived at the landing strip. Destination details and living accommodations will be discussed on the plane, so for now, get on board!" You looked out the window immediately to see one of Tony's big private jets towering over the concrete.

"Wow." You breathed, following everyone out of the bus and onto the stairs leading up to the plane.

"Tony might be a little... Extra... sometimes." Wanda commented, placing a hand on your back as she walked beside you.

"No... no... I'm not complaining." You almost gaped in awe as you stepped inside the plane.

Walking down the isles, you see that the jet is organized in seats of four, so you and Wanda sit facing each other while you wait for Peter and Natasha to join your sides. Clint, Bruce, Tony, and Pepper took up another section, While Steve sat alone, most likely waiting for Bucky and Sam to show up. Pietro and Thor sat across from one another in the last section, both happy to have some quiet time.

Finally, Peter and Nat walked on board, both also being taken aback by the jet.

"Talia this is so cool!" Peter said as he sat down next to you.

"I know, right! It's like first class but better." You laughed, admiring the quality and design around you.

"ALRIGHT, AVENGERS." You were about to kill Tony if you heard that one more time. "The Island I have rented is off of the Georgia coast." Everyone looked at him funny, expecting something like the Bahamas or the Gulf of Mexico. "Hey don't look at me like that. It was the best I could do with the time frame." You didn't completely believe him but went along with it anyways. "The island consists of one very large beach house and a marsh bridge to get everyone easily over to the mainland and back. We will only have three cars between 13 of us though, so play nice."

"Dibs on the coolest one for tonight," Natasha smirked, and you quickly remembered the date that was supposed to take place when you arrived at the beach. You smiled, hoping the two women had something cool planned.

"Ok, Nat has dibs on a car tonight. Other than that, try and relax and spend time with one another, especially with Tal and Pete." The two of you rolled your eyes. "There will be a total of eleven rooms in the house, all with their own baths and outdoor balconies or access. Pepper and I will be in the biggest room together, and then ladies get first pick after. Any questions?" Everyone was surprisingly silent. "All right then, let's get this bird flyin."

——— - -

- - ——— "Good morning, baby girl," Natasha whispered in your ear as your eyes slowly opened to the morning sun. "I hope you slept well." You hummed in response, but soon felt a pair of lips on your neck that clearly did not belong to the woman you were staring at.

"Hello, Wanda," You smiled, reaching behind you to pull the Sokovian's mouth further into you, breathing into the sensation.

"Hi, Talia." You felt her smirk against the base of your neck as your stomach turned. Two pairs of hands made contact with your body, touching places that you didn't know could affect you. Fingertips slipped under your shirt and traced their way down your spine, while others slipped under your arm to massage your breast.

Natasha's top hand had found its way onto your ass and under your thighs, while the other held your head to pull you in for a slow, desperate kiss. Her tongue made its way to your bottom lip asking for permission, and you gladly let her in as she gently explored you.

A soft moan escaped you as the two women worked you up, very happy to be waking up like this.

"Would you like to cum for us this morning, baby girl?" Natasha asked.

"Mhm, yes please mommies, please make me cum." You nearly whispered, already responsive to the slightest touch.

"Ok, darling," Wanda whispered.

From behind you, the Sokovian pulled you on top of her and sat up, now with her chest against your back and your legs crossed in anticipation. You never found your underwear from last night, so your cunt was slicking up everything. The witch slowly lifted your large t-shirt over your head, not forgetting to give your body attention along the way.

"You're so beautiful, Talia." You moaned as Wanda worked to place a hickey on top of your shoulder. Natasha crawled her way to your feet, watching the scene before her. "Now do us a favor and open your legs for Natasha. Don't shut them until she's made you cum, baby."

"Yes, mommy." You spread your legs as wide as possible, eager to please your women. They both could see you drip.

"Good girl." Wanda nipped at your ear, slowly dragging one finger down your stomach, tauntingly dragging it through your folds. Your breaths were heavy and you were nearly whining, but Wanda didn't care. "You're so wet for us, Talia."

"Do you want us to fuck you, baby girl?" Natasha spoke, positioning herself at your entrance, preparing to eat you out.

"Yes. Fuck yes." You groaned, not getting the attention that you ached for.

"Beg for it."

"Please fuck me, mommies. Please let me cum. I want to cum so bad and I want to feel you everywhere. Fuck me. Please." And with that, Wanda inserted two of her fingers into you as Natasha went straight for your clit.

"Oh my god. Nat- Natasha. Wanda. Holy Fuck." You stuttered, unable to say anything else.

"Talia, baby girl..."

"Hmm, Natasha..."

"Talia..."

"Yes, Wanda?"

"Talia!"

You jolt awake from your dream. "Huh, what's happening?" You're eyes open to see Wanda and Natasha kneeling at your feet, faces flushed yet looking worriedly at you. Everyone else on the plane looked to be asleep, and even Peter was snoring next to you.

"Your dream was a little loud, Talia," Wanda said in a quiet voice, but your head tilted in confusion. "You were squirming in your sleep so I checked your thoughts to make sure you weren't having a nightmare." Oh, the dream. Your entire face changed color.

"We uhh..." Nat smirked. "Didn't want to wake you cause it looked like you were having fun.... hell, we were having fun... but you started getting a little loud," she leaned into your ear. "didn't want your dream orgasm to wake anyone up, baby girl."

You put your face in your hands out of complete embarrassment.

"Wanda, did you at least share my dream with Nat?" She silently raised her eyebrow at you. "What?! This can't possibly get any more embarrassing for me, so I hope you two got some entertainment out of it." You laughed, trying to force your red cheeks away.

"If you really want to know, yes I did. I probably shouldn't have but-"

"No, I'm happy that you did." You turned to Nat. "Did you like it, baby?" You smirked.

"A little too much..." she looked guilty, as did Wanda.

"What, do you guys want to go work it off?" You smiled now, finding their awkwardness as good payback for them witnessing your dream.

"Umm..." Wanda began. "That would be nice if it's ok with you. We're still not too sure on where you stand with... sex..." She sheepishly made eye contact with you while you pondered it over. You still didn't know if you were ready for the real thing, but you still had something in mind.

"Can I watch?"

#natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #natasha x wanda x reader #wanda x natasha x reader #natasha x oc #natasha x reader #wanda x oc #wanda x reader #marvel gxgxg #marvel smut #gxgxg smut #gxgxg

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jikookuntold · 3 years

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Jungkook and His Cover Songs: Is “10000 Hours” about Jimin?

Disclaimer: The following post includes theories, lyric and numeric analysis, plus my personal opinions, so please don’t take anything seriously. I’m too lazy to upload photos and videos for the moments I mentioned here, but I’m sure you know about them all. Any Jikooker must know. And I’m not Korean or a Korean culture expert, I just know as much as any Stan Twitter ARMY knows about their culture.

Anyone?

Maybe one of the biggest Jikook moments of 2021 so far, is where Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s hug, in Lee Hyun’s Vlog. But the other moment on that Vlog was even more significant; Jungkook was singing “Anyone” from Justin Bieber’s new album, and Jimin was harmonizing with him while holding on his shirt. I don’t want to mention their interview moment singing “Peaches” because I know this song is super popular in South Korea right now and somehow it doesn’t count as a moment. But it’s safe to say that Jikook has something special with his songs, and JK in particular always was invested in him.

JK & JB

The reason behind Jungkook’s devotion to Justin Bieber was always a big question for me, and I got my answer not long time ago. Jungkook’s playlist for Melon Radio Station included a song from JB’s new album named “Lonely”. This is one of the most personal songs any artist can ever make, and JK recommended it to his audience. Here are the lyrics of “Lonely” by Justin Bieber:

Everybody knows my name now

But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange

Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself

And seein' somebody else

And everything is not the same now

It feels like all our lives have changed

Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down

But it's killin' me now

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

I'm so lonely, lonely

Everybody knows my past now

Like my house was always made of glass

And maybe that's the price you pay

For the money and fame at an early age

And everybody saw me sick

And it felt like no one gave

They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

These lyrics made me think of one specific thing, the thing that JK and JB have in common: They started their careers at a very young age, and their lives have been under the scrutiny of so many people. These people judged and criticized them but never tried to understand them. The lyrics are straightforward and leave no place for interpretation. By recommending this song, JK showed that he had (and probably still has) the same experiences in his life, and I think the reason he recommends or covers JB’s songs more than any other artist is that he has many things in common with him, and feels connected to his songs.

This can lead us to another theory: By covering a Justin Bieber song, Jungkook shares something about himself with us, something that he can’t express directly.

Jungkook is interested in JB’s songs, but he is not the only one. As I said earlier in this post, Jimin shares the same taste with Jungkook, and my receipt is not just that “Anyone” or “Peaches” harmonizing moments, but also Jimin’s Spotify playlists. Since 2017 (or earlier, I’m not sure about this part) he has added some JB songs to his official playlist, and even his current playlist (July 2021) has two JB songs. And also let’s not forget the fact that Jikook as a subunit started in 2014 with a JB cover. Yes, I’m talking about “Mistletoe” and as you may know, Jimin translated the lyrics of this song to Korean.

10000 Hours

Nearly 700 words and I haven’t started yet! The subject of this post was supposed to be the connections between “10000 hours” cover and Jikook but this prelude was necessary to clarify all the aspects of the topic and we find out how JB is special for JK and Jimin and how they (especially Jungkook) feel connected to him. Anyways, back to 10000 hours:

Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber released this Grammy winner song in October 2019. Here are the lyrics:

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party

What's your favorite song, does it make you smile

Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

Ooh, yeah

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that

Sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

And I'm gonna love you

As you can see, the lyrics are 100% romantic, and the singers including JB, have dedicated this song to their lovers. Also, their girlfriends/wives have a cameo in the MV, which leaves no place for speculation for the context of the song: Even though the uncertainties always exist and no one knows about the future, our love is strong and will stay strong regardless of time.

The Cover and the Theories

Nearly one year later, on July 28th, 2020, Jungkook surprised ARMYs with a short video he tweeted at 11:56 AM. That video was a 49 seconds cover of 10000 hours. A few minutes later, he deleted the tweet (apparently with the advertisement excuses, because it was tweeted from an iPhone and they have a contract with Samsung). Later that night, Jungkook released the full version on Sound Cloud and tweeted the link at 11:47 PM.

Jikookers discovered numerous theories that day about the times of both tweets; if you add the digits of the time, the result is “13” for both tweets 1+1+4+7=13, 1+1+5+6=13, and as you already know “13” is Jikook’s magic number. Also, the first video he tweeted was 49 seconds and 4+9=13. But in my opinion, this theory is not strong. I know that numerology is very popular in Korean culture but still, all of this can be coincidences, but the other things I’m going to bring up are most likely not.

28th July 2020 was the 7th anniversary of the first Jikook selca posted after debut. This also might be a coincidence and to be honest, it cannot be a strong link to make a connection with Jikook, but worths sharing.

The next thing that many Jikookers also pointed out, was related to the title of the song. The lyrics say “10000 hours and 10000 more” and 20000 hours after the 28th of July is 8th November 2022. As you may know. Jikookers believe November 8th is a significant date for Jikook. I believe this can be a coincidence either, and it’s very unlikely of Jungkook to do such calculations (Koreans are interested in numbers when it comes to days and dates, but counting hours is not usual in any culture. Other than that, I’m still doubtful about the origins of the November 8th theory because we have nothing other than two tweets and G.C.F Tokyo release date and their hotel room in Tokyo which still can be coincidental). But I don’t deny these theories because even as a coincidence, it’s still very interesting.

And the next theory is connected to the “Red Moon”. On 27th July 2018, a total lunar eclipse happened all over the world, which became known as the red moon. At that time, BTS were in Malta, and on the same night, Jikook were watching the red moon on a boat. They shared plenty of photos and videos of that moment and I’m sure as a Jikooker you have seen them all and you know that night had a very romantic mood (BigHit words, not mine) for Jikook. So, a second anniversary for that night and the day after that night can be a significant date to release a very romantic cover. Is this a coincidence too? I think we had many of them already.

And last but not least is something connected to Korean culture. You probably know that 1000 days anniversaries are very important for Koreans and they celebrate them along with real anniversaries of the important dates in their lives. And guess what? 27th July 2020 is 1000 days after 31 October 2017. This day is the day Jikook’s travel to Tokyo ended and they posted their couply mirror selca on Twitter with flower bouquet emoji. Despite the one-day difference (the same case for the red moon anniversary), this is not a minor event or small coincidence. I believe Jungkook posted “10000 hour” cover for this reason and based on this, the other theories I mentioned earlier can be true either.

The lyrics hit different if you read them again, after knowing this fact. Right? I don’t want to make this post much longer but before wrapping up, I want to talk about the lyrics of “Anyone” by JB (the song Jikook were harmonizing in Lee Hyun’s Vlog):

Dance with me under the diamonds

See me like breath in the cold

Sleep with me here in the silence

Come kiss me, silver and gold

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

So, just hold on like you will never let go

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone (anyone)

Not anyone

Forever's not enough time to (oh)

Love you the way that I want (love you the way that I want)

'Cause every morning I find you (oh)

I fear the day that I don't

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

'Cause certain things are out of our control

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

Only one (I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (I've ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

It's not anyone, not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, oh

If it's not you, it's not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whoa

Yeah, you are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya) gotta tell ya

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done, oh, yeah)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

If you read the lyrics, you will notice that the context is very similar to “10000 hours”. It talks about the uncertainties of a beautiful love or in other words: No matter what the future brings to us, this love will last forever.

This context of uncertainty and unknown future for a romance is a common concept in many of the songs Jungkook has covered and it’s not limited to the Justin Bieber covers he has done and maybe this concept can be the topic for my next analysis.

#jikook #jikookanalysis #jimin #jungkook

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harryhandstan · 3 years

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washed away in you

I don’t have much to say except I appreciate your patience with me as I worked on this piece! I apologize again for all the confusion with posting and deleting and now reposting. This is the third part to my Dad!Harry series. Once again you don’t have to read those to understand this one, but I’ve linked them below in case you would like to revisit them. :)

Thank you to @taintedwonder for reading over part of this for me!

word count: 4.2k

needles tw // (small mention towards the end)

I Want Your Belly (part one) | Wonderful and Warm (part two) | writing tag | masterlist

y’all have already been so good to me but as always likes, rbs, and comments are welcome!!

Of all the weeks to be put on bed rest, it had to be the week that Harry started filming for his new movie role.

Technically you were on modified bed rest, which meant resting as much as possible but still moving around as necessary, but the phrase terrified Harry enough that he was doing whatever he could to keep you still. It hadn’t been an easy task, you were in your 8th month of pregnancy, quickly approaching your due date, and there still seemed to be a mountain of important things to get done before your son’s arrival.

It had only been two days since you’d started having what you thought were contractions. It had forced you and Harry to realize just how unprepared the two of you were when you had to rush out of the house at 2 a.m. with nothing packed for what could possibly be the night of your child’s appearance into the world. Just the two of you with disheveled hair and rumpled pajamas under the harsh lighting of the ER exam room. 8 hours of tests and scans and a visit from your doctor later, you returned home to fall back in bed and catch up on the sleep you had missed.

“Listen you’re both new to all this..I get it. But you’re putting too much stress on your body and that’s what caused this tonight. I know it’s hard but, take a week, relax, bed rest as much as possible. I’ll see you in my office again in a few days just to make sure everything is progressing along like we want. If there’s still too much stress on the baby, we may have to push your due date up a little earlier. But we don’t want to do that if we can avoid it.”

Currently you were in the nursery, where most of the last minute things to do remained. You were standing at the changing table, folding a set of onesies to be put away. Harry had been urging you for the past 10 minutes to sit down.

“Harry, I have been in bed all night, or as much of it as your son allowed me to be without kicking me in the ribs or pressing on my bladder. I just wanna get these folded and put away and I’ll be done.”

“Well you can at least sit while y’doing them. Or, let me finish ‘em.” His hands fall on your shoulders, gently guiding you towards the rocking chair in the corner. You gesture for him to bring the basket closer, “And why is he only my son when he’s causing you trouble?”

“Maybe cause it was your birthday treat that got us into this mess. Or because he already likes to tease us so much. Besides, you can’t do them, I have a system.”

“Yeah, a birthday treat planned by you. And I know the system, you showed me two days ago.”

“You knew the system, we changed it.”

“We? I’ve barely been home how’ve we..”

“I may have called your Mum again.” You shrug, propping your feet up on the small ottoman positioned in front of the chair, “She and I agreed it’s better this way.”

“You didn’t think it was important to notify me of this system you and y’new bestie have thought up?” He’s turned to lean his back against the changing table, arms folded across his chest. As much as he wants to be upset, he’s over the moon that you and Anne have become so much closer over the past few months. Between his mom and yours, plus your sister and his, he was thrilled to see you had so much support for days when he couldn’t be there. Anne had offered to fly out to spend the week with you, as did your mom, but you put them both off, promising you would need them more the few weeks after the birth.

“Been a little busy growing a human here, Harry. May have slipped my mind. I would’ve gotten around to it eventually.”

“Right, you can just tell me where everything goes then.” He’s already worked his way through folding the last of the pile, smiling proudly at you as you lean your head back and close your eyes, sinking further into the chair.

“Socks in the second drawer to the left, hats in the middle. If the onesies are newborn sized, they go to the right. Anything bigger than that gets tucked in the baskets by size there in the middle shelf of the closet, if you can find room.”

Between the two of your families and your group of mutual friends, you’d been given 4 baby showers over the past few months, combining with the items you and Harry had supplied for yourselves. People had been more than generous in helping stock the nursery for your little one.

“All done. How ‘bout some breakfast now?”

“You don’t have time. You have to be on set in less than an hour. I’ll make myself something in a bit. I may go back to sleep for a while, just got up to see you off and wanted to put those things away.”

“Always have time for you, angel,” He offers his hand to help you lift yourself up, “Maybe a smoothie?”

“Alright, if I let you make me a smoothie, will you take yours to go? Don’t want you to be late because of me.”

“Deal. But only if you let me tuck you back into bed before I go.”

“Deal.” You lean up slightly to accept the sweet kiss he offers before shuffling off to the kitchen together.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve decided. You’re not allowed to look.”

You knew he wasn’t listening, trying to maybe, but not really. He sits across the room at the desk in the corner of your bedroom, glasses perched on the end of his nose, guitar in his lap, journal open in front of him. He’s in writing mode, something that usually takes you at least 30 minutes to coax him from and convince him to come to bed. Not that you ever wanted to interrupt his process, but tonight you’re feeling anxious about your impending delivery, dread slowing working its way through your body.

It had been only a few days since your follow up appointment with your doctor. She had deemed you fit to come off bed rest, but urged you to continue to try to keep your stress level to a minimum as much as possible. Easier said than done, but you were finding small ways to relax yourself when you could; meditation, music, reading. But tonight you just wanted Harry for reassurance.

In your nightly scroll through one of your recent favorite mom-to-be blogs, you had come across an article on the difficulty of delivery. You appreciated moms who were brave enough to share their stories online and this person in particular had included a video. Despite your anxiety, you clicked to watch, curiosity overriding any fear rising in your chest.

When he finally puts away the guitar and the journal and sheds his soft purple robe to swim up the bed to settle next to you, he asks, “Were y’sayin’ something earlier, m’love? Got lost there for a bit, m’sorry.”

His writing sessions were normally done in his office or the studio, but the past few weeks he’d preferred to do them here. Liked the idea of you trying to softly hum along to a new tune he was working through, occasionally offering your opinions about what you liked or didn’t. It was rare that you disliked anything, but he liked that you didn’t shy away from being honest with him. His favorite though? The sight of you, an open book, hand always resting on the side of your belly while you read. It was just as much a comfort for him to be near you these days as it was for you.

“Yeah. I’ve decided. You’re not allowed to look when I deliver this baby.”

His head rests on your thigh, only the side of his face visible as he looks up at you, but it’s enough to see the disappointment flash before he composes himself, not wanting to upset you.

“Alright. What d’you mean by that? Like..you don’t want me in the room or..”

“No, no, I want you in the room, that was never a question. You’re just not allowed to look when I’m pushing. I watched a video and I’m traumatized and I just..”

He sits up quickly, “You watched a birthing video? Without me?”

“Yeah, earlier when you were zoned out. You’ve never seen one?”

“Never been curious enough to watch one ‘til now. Not ‘til I thought of you having our babe. Show me the one you watched?”

You’re hesitant. Truly you’re touched he’s so curious and wants to share this experience with you, but right now the thought of him seeing your body change like that is scary. He senses your unease, almost reads your mind; he knows you so well.

“Babe, s’your body. If you really don’t want me t’look, then I won’t. Just..at least show me what you watched so I can see for myself what it’s like, what you’ll go through. S’all m’askin’ for now.”

“Okay, fine,” You pat the bed next to you and he scurries up to sit, his head on your shoulder while you navigate through your browser history to find the video. You start it, but your eyes stay focused on his face.

“Y’not gonna watch it again with me?”

“No,” You drape your arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer so you can rest your head on top of his, “I’d rather watch your reactions this time around.”

You’re curious to see how he reacts to certain parts; his little gasps and winces as the video progresses. When it ends, you’re not surprised to see tears have fallen down his face and made a small wet spot on the front of his t-shirt.

“Harry, you’re not upset with me, are you?”

“‘Course not, meant what I said earlier. If you really don’t want me t’look, then I won’t..but I don’t want you to think I’ll look at you any differently after. You’re givin’ me one of the greatest gifts anyone ever has, if anything I love you more than I ever thought I could. And that’s only gonna grow once our boy’s here.”

You run your hands through his hair, not sure what to say. You’ve never had a love this big, one that envelops you so fully. The past few months have shown you just how deeply he cares for you, and just how much your own heart could stretch to fill with your overwhelming love for Harry and now the baby growing inside you.

He doesn’t take offense to your silence, just stills your hand and brings it to his lips, kissing each of your fingertips. He slumps further down the bed, head level with your stomach. He pokes it softly through your shirt. He doesn’t even have to ask anymore, you know what he wants and you’re glad to give in to him. You scoot down to rest your head on your pillow, pulling your shirt up and tucking the fabric under your breasts.

Instantly his head rests on your tummy, a hand reaching around to lay there on the other side of it, wrapping himself around you. You reach over and turn the lamp on your bedside table off, sleep drifting it’s way through your body and mind. You let one hand fall to his back, the other one joining his arm to wrap protectively around your belly.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“You can look. If you want.”

“Y’don’t have to decide tonight. We still have a little time to plan.”

“No. I don’t want to take any of this experience from you. The whole thing’s just a bit scary though.”

“I know it is, m’terrified too. But everything’s gonna be alright. I’m gonna be there for every second of it.”

“I know you are. You’re the only thing that’s kept me sane through all this. You’ve been so good to me, H. Putting up with all my mood swings and late night cravings and whatever I needed.”

“I haven’t had to ‘put up’ with anything. Just want to make you and bub as happy as y’both already make me.” He turns to kiss the side of your stomach before looking up at you, “Comfy? Am I squishin’ you?”

“No, it’s nice. Don’t see how you can be comfy though.”

“I’ll move to my pillow in a bit. Just like being close to you and bub,” He yawns, “Goodnight, babe. Love you both so much.”

“We love you too, Harry. More than you’ll ever know.”

Sleep had been pretty much non-existent in your third trimester. You were lucky if you got a few hours each night and cat naps throughout the day were rare.

Tonight is no different. It’s 3 a.m and once you get up for your fifth trip to the bathroom, you know there’s no point in trying to get comfortable again. Harry will be up soon, and as much as he tries to stay quiet during his morning routine, he always found some way to unintentionally wake you. You couldn’t even sleep through his soft kisses to your forehead to say goodbye anymore.

Normally you take yourself down to the living room to find a mindless tv show or movie to carry you through your insomnia, but Harry also seemed to be infected with your curse of being a light sleeper these days. Most nights he would attempt to join you, sweet enough to not want you to be alone, stubborn enough to not listen each time you urged him to go back to bed. He always paid for it the day after though, dark circles under his eyes and nodding off to sleep throughout whatever he had scheduled.

So in hopes that you wouldn’t wake him by leaving tonight, you reach for the remote to the bedroom tv, muting it so the noise won’t disturb him. You would almost be content enough to stare at him for the rest of the night. The sharp outline of his jaw, freckles scattered across his face that would rival the constellations in the sky, all softened by the moonlight illuminating his face perfectly. As much as you don’t want to wake him, you can’t help but reach out to run the back of your hand over the smooth skin of the man you admire so much. You adore the way even in his sleep he molds to your touch, soft snores and deep, even breaths never stopping as you move up to brush his curls away from his face.

You almost make it through 20 minutes of a movie before his eyes flutter open. You know how much your false contractions from before weighed on him, alarm is quick to flood his face before he has a chance to take in his surroundings.

You answer before he has a chance to let worry take over, “It’s alright. We’re okay. Just the usual..couldn’t sleep.”

He rubs his eyes to clear them, “What time s’it?”

“4:30.”

He squints slightly at the movie playing before chuckling, “How many times y’think you’ve watched this one? Know it’s been at least a dozen or so in the last month.”

“It’s my favorite. One of them, anyway. It’s always been soothing to me.”

“Bet you could quote the whole thing by now, even with it muted.”

You glance up at the tv and it only takes a second for you to pinpoint the exact part. You take his comment as a challenge, pushing yourself up out of your nest of pillows to rest your back against the headboard before quoting, “Faith is a bluebird you see from afar. It’s for real, and as sure as the first evening star. You can’t touch it, or buy it, or wrap it up tight. But it’s there just the same, making things turn out right.”

Your voice breaks as you say the last few words. Maybe it’s the combination of exhaustion and all the new fears and hormones running through your mind and body. Nostalgia of watching this when you were younger and now sharing it with your child when they are old enough touches your heart and you can’t stop the tears continuously streaming down your face.

“Baby,” He pushes himself up to rest next to you, tugging you until you're pressed close to his side, “Please don’t cry.”

“M’miserable, Harry. I’m as big as the moon and I can’t breathe and my feet always hurt and I’m just..ready for him to be here. Ready for him to be out so I can hold him and kiss him and put him in his own bed so I can rest in mine again.”

You know you sound childish and whiny and somewhat ridiculous, but being so sleep deprived means all sense has left and so the words come spilling out, a jumbled mess you doubt he even understood.

“I know you are, love. Hate to see you so upset,” He kisses the top of your head, “Certainly as bright as the moon, but not as big. Your body’s as exactly as it should be. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but that’s only cause you’re tired. He’ll be here soon and we’ll have so many people here to help, yeah?”

All you can do is nod, you know he’s right and you know once you have a nap things won’t feel so overwhelming. You pull yourself away from him to wipe your face on your t-shirt. A smile stretches across your lips as the thought enters your mind, “If I’m as bright as the moon, you’re as golden as the sun.”

“Yeah?” He’s blushing now, looking down at his hands before his eyes dart up to meet yours, “Guess that makes bub our little star, huh?”

You giggle before shrugging, “Guess so.”

“By the way,” His hand rests on your thigh, “We gonna keep calling him bub or we gonna pick a name?”

“Bub’s cute. Bub Styles.” You wrinkle your nose at the thought, “I just want it to be perfect for him, you know? I feel like I need to see his face before I just blindly pick a name. We could definitely narrow down some options though and see which one suits him best.”

“We’ll think of something special, eh? Somethin’ just f’him.”

“Yeah, we will,” You suck in a sharp intake of breath at a particularly hard kick from within your stomach. Harry’s head snaps to look over your face before looking down to where your hand lays on your belly.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes are wide, on edge as he waits for your answer.

“It’s fine he’s just..ah, being a little rowdy this morning.” You take his hand from your thigh and press it to where the kicks were landing, “Right here. Think that’s his butt, his head’s down here, and..ah, his feet are right about here. Can you feel him?”

His palm lays flat across the front of your belly, “S’amazing, never gets old. Bet it feels so..weird to you though.”

“At first, yeah, but got used to it pretty quickly. It’s comforting now, like he’s saying hello or contributing to our conversations when we talk.”

He puts his mouth almost right against your tummy, so close his breath tickles and you feel the vibrations when he speaks, “Take it easy on mumma, little one. Just a bit longer, yeah? Can’t wait to see ya face. Bet y’so handsome like daddy, just gotta be a lil’ more patient like mummy, alright?”

“Think maybe he’s ready for his pre-breakfast snack?”

“Dunno..I’ll ask him though,” He bends again, “That why y’bein’ such a brat to mum, huh? Woke her up early cause you were hungry? Alright, daddy’ll make your usual.”

He kisses your stomach, before straightening to where he’s level with your face, “That sound good?”

Your “usual” was a bowl of what had been your biggest craving throughout your pregnancy; fruit. On nights like this when sleeplessness couldn’t be defeated, the two of you normally gave in pretty quickly and had breakfast together. On days when you were able to sleep through Harry’s departure, you would always wake to the bowl already prepared and ready for you. Oftentimes there would be a quickly scribbled note with the words “Love, H” stuck to the top or the side of the bowl, like you didn’t already know who had left it for you.

“You’re spoiling him already, Harry.”

He smacks a quick kiss to your cheek, pulling back just a second before diving back in to peck another one on your other cheek, “Tryin’ to spoil you too, angel.”

Contractions, real ones you were sure this time, had started 30 minutes ago. As much as Harry wanted to rush you out of the house in your pajamas, you had insisted on at least 5 minutes to change and pull your hair into a quick ponytail before gathering your bag and dashing down the stairs.

Just as Harry’s hand lands on the doorknob, you tug on the sleeve of his jacket, “Harry, stop for a second.”

“Why? Are you having one now?”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“This is one of our last moments before we become parents. I want you to slow down, take a deep breath, and kiss me.”

“You’re impossible, you know that? Active labor and you stop me for a kiss.” He rolls his eyes but you can see his shoulders drop, relaxing just enough to press his lips firmly against yours. You reach your hand up and around to the back of his neck, deepening it for a moment before drawing back to scan his face.

“Better?” Your hand continues to work through his hair, happy to watch his face relax slightly at your touch.

“Much. How are you so calm?”

“I don’t know, really. I thought I would be scared, and I am but..I’m ready. So ready to meet him.”

“Me too. Let’s go.” His hand falls to the small of you back, leading you out the door and to the car.

Once you arrive at the hospital, he doesn’t leave your side, not even when the nurse suggests he do so while you get your epidural. She agrees to let him stay, but makes him sit in a chair in front of you and sternly tells him not to look.

He holds both of your hands, squeezing them tightly as an attempt to distract you. He knows how much you hate needles, how the thought of this procedure alone had scared you almost as much as the idea of labor. You release a deep sigh of relief when they announce it’s done, and he helps you settle back into bed, tucking the blanket around you.

“So proud of you, baby. You’re already doing amazing.”

Things progress much faster than you ever thought they would, and it’s only three hours before you’re ready to push. Harry’s there for every second of it, hand behind your back and small encouragements in your ear when you think you can’t go any further.

“M’tired, H.” The room is full of people, your doctor and a set of nurses, but his focus stays on you; simply existing together in that moment. Small pieces of hair have come loose from your ponytail, clinging to the sweat now covering your forehead. He sweeps them away before resting his hand on your shoulder.

“I know y’are, lovie, but you’re so so close. Doin’ so incredible,” His smile is so wide, beaming at you when he leans closer, “Y’look gorgeous too, never seen you look more stunning than now.”

That has a laugh bursting from you, still breathless when you reply, “You’re such a bad liar.”

“M’serious! Know better than to lie to you.” He winks just before working his arm around behind your back again, giving you the motivation you needed to keep going.

It’s not long before you hear what you’re certain is one of the best sounds you’ll ever hear, the sweet sound of your baby boy’s cry as he enters the world.

An hour later, both of you are still in awe of your little one, sleeping peaceful now in their dad’s strong arms. Harry’s wedged himself next to you in the hospital bed, long legs stretched in front of him. He keeps looking between where your head is propped on his shoulder and the baby.

He breaks the silence first, “Definitely think he has your hair. S’nice and soft.”

“Think it’ll be darker like yours though. Maybe he’ll have your eyes.” You reach over to run your finger along your baby’s nose.

He looks between you and the baby again, a prideful smile brightening his face. He smushes his lips against your temple, and you close your eyes as the feeling of adoration combined with the exhaustion of the day washes over you.

You hear him whisper just as you’re drifting to sleep, “My moon and star, together at last.”

#harry styles imagine #harry x reader #my writing #dad!harry #still not perfect but I like it so much more #hope you all enjoy it!

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fiveminuterice · 3 years

Note

hey was there an update to that stolen poster situation?? it's still on the site :/. is there anything i can do to get it taken down?

Yes they’re still on both websites. Yes there are two websites now.

So here’s what I know about the situation so far.

1. The first website that stole my art goes under BaubleMart, I found this out from a bot who commented under a post I made on r/lovejoy about this poster design. They linked the poster website, saying that’s where people could buy the poster. The mods have since taken that comment down since it’s pretty obvious I didn’t want this poster to be sold.

BaubleMart seems to be a RedBubble-type website, and this particular website only sold my design as a poster. They claimed it was a campaign only lasting for “10 more minutes” with a giant count down under the product when I first found it, only if you refresh the page it gets reset to 24 hours. They also claimed to have sold 31 posters so far, which I will address later on in the post.

2) This morning another bot commented on my post, this time linking to CartTee where they’re selling it as not only a poster, but as canvas prints and mugs as well. Very annoying.

3) Both of their FAQ pages link to the same policy page under Custom Tee Sales. I looked up this company at Better Business Bureau, and from what I can tell after doing like 20 minutes of snooping on the internet…

This website is a scam. It has a 1/5 star rating from consumers. Usually these complaints come from either the product straight up never arriving and the costumer never getting a refund, or the printing is janky and them also not giving a refund for their faulty product.

Either way, this company is an overall shitty cash grab.

4) The bots. I’ve had people ask if my poster design was up for sale, which is probably what set off the bots.

It’s fine if people ask if I’m selling, but usually the answer is no since I don’t have a store open and I don’t have a redbubble. Especially since I make a lot of fanart for the dsmp and I don’t wanna overstep cc boundaries when it comes to fanmerch. If I ever make a store/redbubble, I’ll link it on my tumblr.

5) What am I doing about it?

Well, I’ve seen a post on Tumblr before about people finding these scam websites, and then trying to find Disney affiliate stuff being sold on there. From there, they make a deal with the Mouse Devil. Basically, they tip off Disney’s piracy email if they find Disney merch on these sketchy websites, and sometimes by doing this you can get these websites straight up taken down.

That’s what I did, I linked both of the websites after I found some Shang-Chi and Star Wars posters on them, and tipped off that they work under the same company.

Hopefully that works, but at the very least Disney’s not gonna be happy with this company. At best? This website gets taken down.

6) Why haven’t I reached out to these websites?

Basically, I can file a DMCA notice to this company, but I also don’t have copyright over this poster since I never filed for copyright (since that costs money). If they refuse to take down the poster, I can’t take it a step further legally and threaten to sue for damages.

From what I can tell from their costumer service, there’s a slim chance they’ll take down my poster. I’ll send an email tomorrow telling them to take down my designs, but likely nothing will come out of it as most interactions with consumers on Better Business Bureau have been answered by automatic responses, and consumers have also complained that all of their emails have been met with automatic responses.

Basically if the Disney thing fails, I’m fresh out of luck, since even if I do file for copyright, that’s still a minimum of $35 I’d have to spend, and it could take over a month for the copyright to go through.

Basically, I’m just encouraging people not to buy this poster. From what I can tell, the only way to even find these websites are through bots spreading links, as I tried looking up both websites on Google with nothing except links to my reddit post.

About those 31 posters sold…

After some deliberation, most likely? They lied about the numbers. It’s pretty difficult to even find these websites, and I only have the links because I copy+pasted them into my browser before the r/lovejoy moderators took down the first comment. I’m guessing they lied about the amount they sold to entice people to buy the poster, along with lying about how much longer the product would be available.

The only two places this poster got traction was on Tumblr and on Reddit, on tumblr it got a bit over 1k notes, and when I posted it to r/WilburSoot (because at the time I didn’t know r/lovejoy was a thing lol), it got around 850 upvotes, and when I cross posted to r/lovejoy it got around 500(I think?) upvotes.

Basically all that to say: I doubt they actually sold that many posters. And even if they did, the poster quality is gonna be shit.

I printed out my own personal poster using a high resolution file, but I posted the design online using a lower resolution file so it could load faster. It’s still 11x17 inches at 350dpi, so pretty sizable, except for the fact that their website only offers the smallest size at 16x24. When I printed my own poster out, I printed it out at somewhere around 16x20 at 600dpi (dpi meaning dots per inch in printing terms).

So yeah, it’s not gonna look good. I’ll give out updates when I get them, but overall I’m not too hopeful. However at the same time, I’m not as angry anymore. I’m glad to the people signal boosting, but at this point there’s not much anybody can do.

Now it’s just kinda funny that they’re gonna post a poster with crunchy quality, that’s assuming they’ve even sold a poster yet and aren’t lying about the numbers (which I think is the case).

IN OTHER NEWS!

If you want to print out this poster for personal use, not for profit, then I’d be glad to send over the file, or you could even take the 11x17inch version from my socials. If you do get it printed, feel free to take a picture of it and tag me because I’d love to see it.

I’m okay with people hanging this up in their room! Just not when money is involved! This poster is not for sale, and it never will be for sale as I am not okay profiting off of lovejoy since we don’t know their stance on fanmerch.

#long post!#but that is pretty much the situation!#I basically used this anon as an excuse to talk about it lol #askbox #but yeah. if you have any other questions about this #just hit up my askbox or my DMs and I’ll be glad to answer them

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chandelier-s-notebook · 3 years

Text

Chapter 4

Let me know if you wanna get tagged when I post new chapters in “These Streets Are Made For Walking”. @sleepysnails.

Ao3 Link

-------------------------

After Techno had dropped Tubbo and Purpled off, they threw their bags down in the foyer and played Annie on the flat screen TV. Aimlessly watching for a while, they ate the popcorn that lay in the shared bowl at a quick rate.

There was a knock on the door near the end of the runtime. Purpled sighed and got up to go check. “Wait here,” he said.

Tubbo wanted to finish the movie--he really did--but Dream instilled in him the notion that it was always better to have backup, and anyone welcome in the house had a key. He reluctantly left the movie running, and silently followed his friend.

Tubbo peaked around the corner to see who was there, before quickly turning back and pressing himself against the wall. Ginger.

“Afternoon,” Fundy Soot said.

Tubbo tried to listen--he really did--but his brain was too busy panicking over the fact that Purpled had just let Fundy Soot from Las Nevadas into his house and closed the door behind him. Intellectually, Tubbo knew that Purpled always carried a knife on him, and Tubbo knew where the guns in the house were, but this was still bad news.

“Of course,” Tubbo heard Purpled say when he turned back in. “Just gotta tell Tubbo I’m leaving.”

Shit shit shit. Tubbo was gonna get caught eavesdropping. It was too late to make a quick getaway back to the couch and in any case his legs weren’t working like they should be.

And Fundy knew he was here.

Tubbo tried to listen for Purpled’s steps so he could walk backwards in tandem with them, but Purpled was silent--meaning he wasn’t as calm as he sounded.

Purpled turned the corner. He looked unsurprised to find Tubbo standing there, in fact he quirked a smile. At least he knew that Tubbo would always have his back.

Now that Tubbo could see Purpled’s feet, it was easily walking backwards at the same time to mask his steps. The two made it back to the living room before Tubbo had found the courage to speak. “Fundy Soot? Las Nevadas?” he asked, voice rising. “Purpled!”

“I’m fine.”

“But--”

“I’m fine. Please.” He put his hands up in surrender. “Just. Don’t worry, okay?”

“Don’t worry? What do you mean don’t worry?”

“I mean don’t worry. Worry about other stuff.”

“Purpled?” Tubbo asked, voice breaking.

“I’m sorry.”

Tubbo took a big breath. There was nothing he could do about this and he knew it. He raised his pinky. “Promise me.”

Purpled locked pinkies. “Promise you what?”

“That you’ll be safe. I know that’s gonna be hard, but please try. For me?”

“I promise I’ll be okay. Go spend the night at Ranboo’s.”

Tubbo nodded.

“Lock the door on your way out.”

“Does Punz know?”

Purpled swallowed.

“So don’t tell Dream. Got it.”

“Thanks Tubz. You can get to Ranboo’s okay?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine. The bus ain’t so bad.”

Purpled squeezed Tubbo’s shoulder and turned around. Straightening his spine, he walked back to Fundy. “I’m ready to go.”

Tubbo was on the bus.

He was curled up in a window seat and looked at the clouds as the sun started to descend from the sky. This was normal. This was fine. Everything was okay. Everything was not okay. Tubbo had seen the stress on Dream’s face. Las Nevadas was starting to think of the Dream Team as a threat.

Fuck. There wasn’t even a struggle. Or blackmail. In fact he seemed quite happy to go with him.

Look. Tubbo had known Purpled for a long time. Dream and Punz ran in the same circles. Punz was a mercenary, Dream was a thief for hire with a penchant for fighting.

And there was a part of Tubbo that wanted to make Dream proud; one that wanted to be just like his older brother. So Tubbo could understand that Purpled felt the same way too, but Las Nevadas? Really? Sure, Tubbo had absolutely no idea how he was going to make Dream proud, but joining a rival gang was further than he’d personally go. Then again, Punz’s allegiance was paid for by the hour, and he really only had a soft spot because of the babysitting rig they had going on.

Tubbo didn’t know what Punz wanted in Purpled, but Dream was proud of Tubbo, even when his lifestyle was as different as possible from his older brother’s.

The bus pulled up to the last stop. Tubbo got off and started his trek towards Ranboo’s estate. He crossed the garden and the tree next to Ranboo’s room. Thankfully it was thick enough to hold his weight, even when perched on the branch extending towards his window. He sat there a moment, before plucking up the courage to knock.

Not a moment later, a very confused Ranboo appeared.

“Uh, hi? Thought you were at Purpled’s?”

“Can I come in?”

“My parents don’t like you here during the day.”

“Because me coming at night is any better.” Tubbo snapped. He took a breath and gave Ranboo puppy dog eyes. “Please? Purpled left and I don’t know when Dream’ll be home. And I don’t even know where Tommy lives.”

“Tommy lives with Techno,” Ranboo said slowly. “Literally everybody knows where Techno lives, he had that massive party a few years back. What do you mean you don’t know where Tommy lives?”

Tubbo gave Ranboo a hard look. “Tommy doesn’t want us to know where he lives. So until he tells us, I don’t know where he lives.”

“But he said he lived with Techno?”

“No he didn’t. No one has ever said that.”

“Right. Right.” There was a pause. “Why can’t you go to Techno’s?”

“Ranboo.”

“Right. Right. That’s stupid and a bad idea.” Ranboo glanced around the area and back into his bedroom. “You wanna come in?”

“Please.” Tubbo climbs in through the window and situated himself on the couch, immediately grabbing one of the throw pillows and hugging it close to his chest.

Ranboo closed the window. “So where’d Purpled ditch to?”

“Las Nevadas, Fundy Soot came to pick him up.”

“What?”

“Las—“

“I heard you.”

“Oh.”

Ranboo tried to make the words make sense in his brain, but he simply couldn’t. “What?”

“I don’t know.”

“Fuck.” Ranboo falls face first into his bed. “My parents are going to hate that. They’re going to hate that more. Purpled’s gonna get in the news. Do you know how hard it was to convince them that you and Purpled weren’t like your older brothers? Tubbo I was like seven when I had to do that, and I’ve had to do it every year since.” He groaned in frustration and flipped over to his back. “And then Tommy? My parents were so happy I made a normal friend.”

“And then Techno,” Tubbo said, remembering that day.

“And then Techno. And then the student-parent-teacher conferences.” Ranboo looked up from his bed to face Tubbo. “My parents were so tight lipped about you and Dream. If the state let him be emancipated, and have custody over you, then he must be at least okay. Sure he’s in the news, but you get fed.”

“I do. I do.”

“And they couldn’t wait to meet Tommy’s parents to yell at him cause he’s so underfed--can you believe how underfed he is?” Ranboo asked, going on a tangent.

“No. At least Techno’s sharing his stash, apparently.”

“Yeah, so my parents are going to do that, right? And then Techno shows up. And Techno and Dream get buddy buddy in front of them!” Ranboo threw his hands up in frustration once more. “They like Tommy. And they feed Tommy. And Tommy doesn’t mind eating our food because have you seen the pantry?”

“Yes, and it’s literally bigger than the studio apartment.”

“Exactly!”

“Stop complaining Ranboo.”

Ranboo was knocked out of his head at that comment. He blinked and thought back to his tangent. “Oh. Right.”

“We know your parents hate us. We all know that they keep us around for charity. You don’t see it Ranboo, but that’s what it is: rehabilitating street kids before they get into shit.” Tubbo sank back into the couch cushions. “Please don’t leave us. We need one normal person to interact with. I promise you won’t corrupt you. The three of us can go do dangerous stupid teenage stuff. You’ll be fine. We won’t drag you down with us. But please don’t stop hanging out with us,” Tubbo cried into his pillow.

Ranboo moved from his bed to the couch and patted Tubbo’s shoulder. “I’m not ditching you guys. The parents will hate it when Purpled gets in the paper. But that won’t stop me. And as long as you guys aren’t doing too much crime, please don’t leave me alone in this house. It’s boring.”

“Purpled’s gonna get himself hurt.”

“Purpled will be fine. He’s tough. Both of you grew up in that world. You should know.”

“Thank you for being normal.”

“We should have a normal sleepover at some point.”

“Maybe,” Tubbo agreed.

#Tubbo #Purpled #Fundy #Ranboo #These Streets Are Made For Walking

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makeupbychio · 4 years

Text

goodnight n go // C.H

pairing : Calum Hood x Reader.

summary : you are a famous pop singer and one normal night in your life Calum literally came to change everything.

words : 8.5k

warnings : fluff, angst and swearing.

a/n : hi babies, so I tried to do this gender neutral because I’m trying to write things for everyone without specifying gender, sexuality, physical appearance, etc. Feedback is more than welcome. Credits to the owner of the photo, and the Instagram posts.

italics means song lyrics.

bold means posts on social media.

inspired by : that one second laugh Ariana Grande does in ‘everytime’ studio version and ‘goodnight n go’ live version. And these videos (links down below in the blurb)

You are a pop star, already part of the pop culture, on tons of playlists made by platforms. So your life is always on the public eye even when you don’t post in your social media the paparazzis and social accounts always doing that for you. It wasn’t like that at the beginning, the world barely knew your name, your shows were for 50 in the room, then 100, then 1000, now a whole arena and with two dates in some cities. You have learned how to deal with the dizzy things of being famous thanks to your fans, family, friends and your own power so at the end of the day you would not change leaving your heart on stage singing and dancing every night at all even when you know that it is crazy, yeah, it is crazy there outside. How people that you don’t know tells you how you changed their lives with your music, how you saved them, tattoos in their bodies inspired by your lyrics and style.

It is been crazier lately. You write your songs inspired by your own experiences or your loved ones experiences. You just finished a tour and after a good break for a whole season you are back writing and planning a new album. You were writing a song based on a reckless love but the song couldn’t make it to the previous album because you never finish it and you didn’t want it as an interlude. But you restart it because life slapped you in the face because 3 months ago you broke up with your partner. You are laying on bed looking at some pictures of you two together walking on the streets taken by paps. The light of the screen lighting your face. And god, how you didn’t realize tons of things?, in every picture you are looking at your ex like a fool completely in love but people could not say the same coming from the other person. You were in love, your ex really loved you at first but the last months of the relationship barely paid attention to you. That is when you remembered one of your fights.

“I waited for you for almost two hours! You could at least answered my messages or you could call me! So I would leave the restaurant and don’t waste my time on you” you said loudly pointing at its face when you came back home and acting like nothing happened. You were furious.

“I know, sorry I’m tired I spend the whole day with my friend I didn’t see him in a while” your ex sighed laying on your bed. “Don’t wanna argue”.

“I don’t care about your friend! You could tell him to hang out another day. It was a special day for us you asshole” you said giving an angry look and leaving the room.

It was supposed to be a special day that day. You were back from your South America leg of the tour and you received the notice of awards nominations so you decided to celebrate by having dinner and then go to the movies together. But your ex didn’t show up, and it wasn’t the first time. You just asked for simple things like going to the beach or just receive love. So even you were angry, you came back to their arms every time.

You thought that then a good fuck or a pretty face would fixed everything, but no. Your naive head at that moment thought that things were going to change, or that your lover was the love of your life.

Now you are looking at the last picture of you two that was seen together walking out a store and even bugs can notice how disillusioned your expression and body language are in that photo. You are hanging by their arms but looking at the floor with your head down. The other person also was trying to hide it with a cap and focused on the road.

‘Oh God’ you sigh at the picture knowing how ridiculous you looked. You lock your phone and throw it to your side of the huge bed now empty the other side. You are sitting with your legs crossed in your bed looking outside your window. It is late in the night so the city lights are your view and it reminds you that night when you called your best friend to tell her about you were thinking to end your relationship. She is always been supportive with you and every time you were going to make your decision you postpone it till finally it happened. You remembered that you cried a lot that night you saw them leaving your apartment and hours later you were still crying listening to sad music with your best friend looking at the roof.

Now you decide to restart the song you left half done. Your dog joined you in bed, you went for a cup of hot chocolate and you start writing it.

The next day early in the morning you are in your way to the studio once you are ready with your makeup trying to hide your tiredness that you wrote till 3 am and put your studio outfit which consists on a big hoodie so big that the sleeves are always covering your hands but comfiness is first.

Your band and crew arrived and you have your coffee. Even when it is a sad song coming from your experience you want to put energy in this one like one of those nights you fought, how your blood was running in your veins and how deeply you knew that your relation was pointless but you were going to fall every time. The energy being aware of that but at the same time an energy by saying I’m done, I get over you but I know that I was a fool for you but not anymore.

You explain that to everyone when all of you are thinking about the melody and beats. Most of the people in the room insist and show you a sad melody and you are starting to get frustrated because they are not listening to you and your idea you are looking for.

You decided to move on on another two songs that you have complete. During breaks to eat something, drink water, go to the next studio and say hi to people that you know and fooling around with your own crew now it is dark outside and you are thinking to call it a wrap for today but the urge to at least figure it out the musicality of the song you wrote last night it is bigger.

But all of you are tired and ran out of ideas and your manager enters the soundproof box to tell you that the room is reserved for another artist from midnight till dawn. So you have 3 hours left to record this song or try again another day.

When you are talking to your favorite producer, who also is your friend, a tall man enters the room with headphones and the music too loud for not noticing the room full of people. When he saw the big group of people he freezes and apologies already leaving when you stop him recognizing him.

“Calum?” you said getting up from your seat in front of all the buttons of the huge synthesizer.

“Y/N?” he asks checking if this is real.

You nod at him and hug him because it is been a while, almost 2 years without seeing him. He is so happy to see you, the last time you were together was in an awards after party and you know him since 4 years ago when you met him and his band on an awards show that you presented his band and their performance and you saw it from the corners of the stage and waited to congratulated them because you are respectful with others musicians work, they asked for a picture and after that you have been friends but your busy life didn’t let you hang out with them but always exchanging likes, comments or messages on the dms on social media.

“Omg how are you?” he asks you while he hugs you with his strong arms the height difference is notorious so he lays his right cheek on top of your head. He knows about your love situation, but to be honest he was not sad about that. Not at all. But he is not going to take advantage of that.

“Fine and you? Omg I miss you so much, what are you doing here alone?” you say to him confused not seeing all the 5sos boys.

“We are recording our new album and the guys should be here” he says checking the hour on his watch and then quickly his phone if there is a message.

“Finally new 5sos music!” you say and laugh.

“Yeah, we don’t have the ability like you to drop music every year.” he teases you.

“Hey!” you punch him softly on his ribs. “First things first, you can do that too if you want to drop music and second, actually right now I’m struggling with a song” you explain to him all of your situation when his phone rings. Ashton is on the other side of the line.

“Cal, we said at midnight!” Ashton said.

“Oh crap, I don’t know why I understood it was at 9 pm...K’...Bye, see ya’” Calum answers to his friend before hanging out the call.

He explains to you the situation even when you listened to what Ashton said. Calum tells you that it was nice to see you but he should be back at midnight but you stop him letting him know if he wants he can stay.

“Are you sure?” he asks knowing that maybe that could bother your crew.

“Of course Cal!” you say. And even when his house it is like 20 minutes away by driving he could come back when it is his band’s turn to use the studio but to be honest again he would really love to hang out a while with you. He always finds you attractive and your voice is one of the most angelical for him.

After he greeted the rest of the group he sits close to you listening your conversation with your producer.

“What if you add little adlibs and drums?” Calum suggests but he regrets if the producer would get angry. “Sorry man, I know it is your work and I am just a guest and-”

“It is okay! Actually that is a good idea dude” your producer say asking Calum to show him what he said.

Calum and you enters the box and he sits to play the drums.

“Ashton is teaching me a little bit now that we are roommates” he jokes about it while taking the drumsticks.

“I saw that joke you did to Ashton! It was hilarious and his response” you point at him.

So you and Calum organized that he would play something in the drums first and then you start singing or reading the lyrics to catch the rhythm. He shows you a freestyle moment with the drums since he’s been doing that in his house to practice. The producer in the other side of the glass tells you from the speaker that there is a beat that maybe could fit. So once back again listening to beats ideas ordering to make that beat faster or slower, louder or pronounced then your band is working with the guitar, bass, keyboard and your drummer continues what Calum started and last but not least you are thinking where to sing it with high notes that it is your biggest characteristic.

All the people in the room are tired, your manager and part of your crew left early because they have meetings for some upcoming festivals to schedule. You let your band know that is the last effort of this week then you’ll be back again the next one rehearsing for an awards performance.

Calum now is in the other side of the glass next to the producer watching and listening all of this process of making this record. He is having fun and he realizes he could hear to your voice all night. It takes a lot of takes, to the final result of a song and Calum knows that perfectly.

You want to achieve the highest note of the song in the last chorus of the song in the last line. You should have record that first because it is getting hard for you to reach with a tired vocal cords after doing the rest of the song and the ad libs. You sigh frustrated at another failure of that last chorus.

“Y/N, should we call it a wrap for today?” your producer asks you softly. To be honest, you don’t want it after all of the work behind to finally get this song built.

“Excuse me” Calum says confident to the producer to take control of the speaker. “Y/N, listen to me, this is the last effort I know that ya’ can do this… You got this” he says looking at you directly in the eye. You nod and take a deep breath to try again and ‘he was right’ you thought to yourself when you freaking nailed it not just one high note, you reached it also the lines of the outro of the song.

Once you open your eyes when you keep singing with not that much power the last line. You laugh hiding your smile with the sleeve of your hoodie because the first thing you see is Calum stunned with his arms crossed on his chest and one hand full of rings lifted to cover his mouth. You start clapping to your band and say through your microphone ‘thank you’ to the rest of the people.

“Girl, you fuckin’ blew my mind” he says so excited mimicking what he said once you left the recording side of the room.

Minutes later everyone is saying goodbye to you and once again you thanked everyone for their job and energy as always and telling your producer to call you to edit the song other day.

Now you are alone with Calum while you start packing your things. “Magic” you say looking at the clock with 15 minutes in your favor.

You use that time catching up on general things, like music, family, next awards, and a little bit of gossiping and of course asking about the rest of the boys.

“So happy for you guys, I can see that you are happy with this new era” you say after listening to Calum talking so passionate about what he and his band are doing. “I want to wait for the guys because I miss them. Do you think Michael is still in love with me?” you joke about it in a friendly way since Michael told you you were his crush, so he always reacts so excited and weird with you.

“No, he can’t react like he used to”. Calum laughs and you understood because you congratulated Michael on his engagement.

Minutes later, the boys and the rest of the crew arrived making noise with a lot of energy as always ready for a recording night but at the end they are always laying on the floor waiting for the team to call it a wrap.

“You gotta be kidding me!” Luke says running to hug you by lifting you because he is so tall and he missed you so much. You laugh and hold him tight. You say hi to the rest of the boys and you look at Calum next to you when you both noticed Michael is trying to act serious and cool around you when later he is going to ask Calum "Did Y/N said something about me?".

After a couple of minutes talking to the boys catching up about life, their crew called them to start the session so you have to say goodbye.

"Thanks again Cal, you saved my life today" you say goodbye to him with a kiss on the cheek and then the same with the rest. "K' guys bye, hope you have a good night".

You are stepping into your car when Calum calls you running behind you. "Y/N! before you leave, I lost all of my contacts when Ashton threw my phone into a pool…" you laugh at how they always been like that. "So if you can give me your number again if one day you want to hang out with me- with us".

You both exchange numbers and say goodbye.

Your producer laughs hearing that take where you stop singing and take a second to laugh at Calum’s face. “You want to put the laugh in the song too?”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8EMIEPCF5y/

You don’t know if it was a joke or a serious question. You think for a minute at how frustrated you were that night with your team trying to build this song and thankfully Calum was there to help and give his opinion, also that laugh confirms how this song is not sad at all even when people were saying to you that it should be because of your breakup.

“Yeah” you answer and think about that little good time hanging out with Calum. You record a short video of that laugh that is going to be in the song, letting know your fans that you are in the studio pointing with your phone at the computer.

Your stories on Instagram are always like a puzzle to your fans, like what does this means? what is this? when? where? new song? album? tour? collab? video?. Most of the times you add emojis, letters, or numbers that are meaningful to decipher the message and also to tease.

“Hello?... Calum? Can you hear me?” you say through the phone.

“Y/N? Hi! Yes, I can…” he answers leaving the room. “Sorry, I was so into playing my bass, we are writing a new song”.

“Oh sorry, if you are busy I can call you later-” you say softly and gentle.

“No no no. Ehmm, how are you? Tell me” he say surprised that you actually call him. He is giving you all of his attention listening to you.

“I’m fine and you? I’m calling you because we finished the song and I would like to know if you want to appear in the track info, cause’ ya’ know… you helped with the drums and other stuff” you wait for his answer, you are nervous of his response. Why? You have done this all the time with other collabs, ‘maybe because he is so intimidating but at the same time the cutest’ you think to yourself.

In the other side of the call, he is surprised and also he finds this so cute from you because he thinks that he barely contributed. “Ehhm, yes- I mean if you are okay with this I’m okay too”.

@MTV: Biggest return of Y/N!, who just announced a new single and a new collaboration TONIGHT!, a new album, and a performance for the VMAS. *internal screams*.

@MTV: Don’t forget to watch the VMAS this Sunday at 8 pm, amazing performances by Y/N, 5 Seconds Of Summer, Halsey, Rosalía, Bad Bunny, Doja Cat, Cashmere Cat and Missy Elliott winner of the Vanguard Award and more! with surprises of course, as always.

@y/n.updates: Genius.com has revealed the lyrics of the new singles! “everytime” and “quit”, the last one is from the dj Cashmere Cat’s album. We are so excited for our baby's return.

@bbcradio1: A friendship you didn’t know you needed until now… Calum Hood from 5sos appears in the track info of Y/N’s new single. Is Y/N going to appear in the upcoming 5sos album too? let’s pray to the universe.

“Of course last but not least to arrive the red carpet is the royalty in person, Y/N” the interviewer comments watching you posing to all of the cameras. “I am loving this moment. Y/N is here to slay the red carpet and taking pictures with every artist throwing kisses to friends like to 5sos, ugh lucky boys, now saying hi to Normani, we love that”.

“Yeah, I’m smelling big succes coming this year and Y/N totally deserves it” the other interviewer says. “Oh. My. Goddess… Can we take a moment to appreciate this outfit?!”. You arrive and say hi to everyone. After a couple of questions and compliments you are walking with your team to go backstage to change for your performance.

Once the Teen Wolf cast introduced your performance, everything went dark and silence and you appear in a large lavender satin dress, perfect to build up your figure and Cashmere Cat appears on a platform with his dj set and lights pointing at you and him.

“And you say that I'm the devil you know

And I don't disagree, no, I don't see the harm

They say, "You crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you"

But I wanna be in your arms

They say, "No, don't pick up the phone, let him think there's nobody home"

But I'm under your spell

'Cause when you call, my heart starts to roll

I always want more

It's my heaven, my hell…”

Then two contemporary dancers are next to you dancing at what the lyrics means to you when you recorded this with Cashmere Cat in the studio after your breakup. At the chorus a fake rain starts in the stage and you have your moment feeling amazing and feeling the beat that your dj friend was playing behind you. You participate too in the choreo while you sing the last part of the song. Singing to both dancers faces like if you are watching from outside when you decided to step out your relation. So each dancer goes to their own way representing the metaphor.

Then a new different beat went off for a little moment and you start singing a snippet of one of your new songs of your upcoming album hoping to make everyone clear how you are after your breakup because you still hear some comments about it.

“I got a bad idea, How 'bout we take a little bit of time away?

I got a bad idea

Forget about it, yeah, forget about him, yeah”.

The next thing you see is everyone standing up and clapping at you. You hug Cashmere Cat. “Thank you, please give it up for my friend Cashmere Cat!”

You stay not that much to the after party because tomorrow you have to get up early for a photoshoot.

You post videos behind the scenes and the photos of the photoshoot. You are in the front page and you did something original playing with makeup, hairstyles and clothes. Everyone is living for this new era.

“Ugh, are you going to do that call or should I do it for you?” Ashton interrupts Calum and his daydreaming watching your latest posts.

“What?” Calum answers confused wrinkling his nose and expressions.

“You heard me”. Ashton says letting know his friend that he is not stupid. “I noticed how you look at Y/N that night performing and then at the after party...And don’t excuse yourself because of the angelic voice because I know I was mesmerized too but you were on another level”.

Calum doesn’t add anything else and stands up to continue writing the new song but not without leaving a comment on one of your posts ‘gorg!’.

“Hello beautiful human, it is Y/N back in the studio!” Zach says through his microphone. Everyone clap and he greets you. Even the promo you have to do for your singles, albums and all that stuff you are so picky with the interviews you want to do because in the past you had a lot of uncomfortable ones with disrespectful questions and interviewers. It is not the case with Zach, you feel at home and he is your friend.

As always you talked about your new music, upcoming things, opinions about something, your personal life and you are so honest talking on Zach’s show because he always asks you about how are you doing because he knows that everyone struggles.

“So the whole tracklist it is on genius.com and I think that it is safe to say that I’m not the only one surprised with the collabs and people who helped you.” Zach says reading a paper checking the new revelation. “I would like to know details how it is to work with such talented artists and producers”.

You told him the details and including how Calum ended in your studio session that night.

“Thank God I recognized him because my bodyguard was ready to punch him” you make Zach laughs.

Calum saw your interview and after that he called you. He didn’t know what kind of confidence took him to invite you to hang out tomorrow.

That day you went with him and Ashton and Luke to the Star Wars theme park. The guys insisted that Calum must have gone alone that day but he was too nervous. Other day you and the guys went to bowling, Michael was losing all the fun because his new life as fiancé planning the wedding.

That’s how you got the chance to know more about them every single time you hang out. Paparazzis always were there and people talking about this cool friendship. But then Calum had the balls to ask you on a date. For your surprise he invited you to a The 1975 concert, then you invited him to a Post Malone concert, you went to the movies, then late nights stops at diners. And as the bond between you two was growing with so much love, affection, confidence, honesty and how safe you feel next to him you didn’t realize that you were holding his hand or arm so natural like it was a thing you two always do. That little thing was enough for people to start rumors. Calum likes you so much but he wanted to take things slow because of you and him after you told him everything about your ex and he did the same. His ex used him just for fame and to be in the public eye so with little details when you noticed he was doubting about his own self or anything else, you let him know that everything is okay.

One and a half month later, you are with him at your place in your home studio after you order vegan pizza for dinner that Calum was right that it is delicious. You were helping each other, mostly him with ideas of sets to perform Want You Back and Youngblood on tv shows. Then you showed him the final version of ‘everytime’ and he loves that you included the laugh in the song which reminds him of something.

“I want to show you something” Calum says searching something on his phone gallery.

“Found it” he says getting his chair closer to yours. It is a video that he secretly recorded of that day in the studio, when you finally hit the high notes of the song. In the video you can hear how he says ‘wow” multiple times and your producer is not surprised but still in awe. Then there is your laugh when you saw Calum’s face and when the song ends you can hear his ‘what the fu-” and the video ended.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8O76_nC3Q5/

“Why you didn’t show me this before?” you say with giggles at how incredible you have the two sides of that moment.

“First, don’t worry because I’m never going to show this to anyone I know that I should ask you before and-” he is explaining himself.

“Can I kiss you?” you interrupts looking at him noticing a sparkly surprise on his eyes.

He leans so fast to kiss you, you take your moment to taste his lips after all this time you can confirm what you think about his lips. You break the kiss needing air. “You didn’t answer my question”.

He laughs at your teasing while you bit your lip. “You’re right, I didn’t”. He holds your face within his hands and start kissing every part of your face while he says “Yes” in every little kiss.

Things got hot and heavy so you move the make out session to your room. Both of you don’t want that the other person feel pressure to do things but with you Calum forgot his “love is scam” thing. So he carries you and takes his time to make every moment, kiss, thrust and this night to last. He thinks that he is the only one that kinda feels strange at this amount with affection and intimacy but the truth is that you were feeling the same way, because with him you don’t feel a clingy or a needy person as you were in your last relationship. With Calum is different in a good way.

“So you didn’t come home last night” Ashton says to Calum when he arrived for lunch time, because he had breakfast twice today with you.

“Ew! I didn’t want to know that Cal” Ashton says while cutting vegetables for lunch. “Thank God you are together, it took you forever. To be honest, I thought Y/N was going to get bored of waiting”.

Another night at your place when Calum surprised you with a romantic dinner and also apologizing for the other night when at his place Ashton interrupts you two.

In the middle of the night you woke up with an idea stuck in your head, you took your underwear and Calum’s baggy shirt he was wearing and before you stood up you melted at the sight of your dog sleeping closely to Calum, who at first hated him but now they look like besties.

After an hour in your studio with this new idea, you had the lyrics and already recording with a beat which two of your best friends made once in a party just fooling. The studio is soundproof and in another level of your house so the music is not going to wake up Calum, but the coldness he felt next to him makes him wonder the reason that woke you up.

And when he found where you are and what are you doing he reminds to himself that in this exact moment he feels so much love for you.

“That sounds beautiful babe” he said getting closer to you to kiss your cheek.

You are editing all focused this song to send it to your producer to do the final touches. “I didn’t want to wake you up” you lift your head to look at him with a pout and noticing he is shirtless and he looks tired from what you did hours earlier. He asked you details about this song called ‘goodnight n go’, he listened to it and once again all of his feelings manifest in a studio. “I love you” he confessed when the song ends. The feeling is mutual and the idea of this song came up all based in your relation you have with him.

@Y/N: new album. valentine’s day. love y’all xoxo.

You posted with the cover of your new album.

“There is a lot of people downstairs” your manager said arriving the room, you were waiting for your manager for the first toast of the night. It is your album’s launch party and you want to celebrate with your team, your band and their loved ones. Your family, your friends, artists of the industry, and other famous people.

You made a speech about how grateful you are for everyone in the room for their patience, for the love and support for you and this new project. Before you start to get emotional, you said to everyone to have fun tonight and you thanked again.

You rented a whole club for the night. After eating, cut the cake and having a few glasses of champagne you are ready to take pictures in the photo booth with everyone.

Your close loved ones of course know about you and Cal, but the other half of the people in the room just know the rumors and the pictures from paparazzis and fans. When you were taking funny pictures with other musicians, it is iconic that in the photo is going to appear artist from different genres of music that are your friends. Calum really wants a picture with you and just you even when he loved the ones with the boys and your friends.

“I’m ready” Calum said to you when you are pointing at the printed photo because Luke’s gold eyeshadow looks freaking amazing.

“Ready for what?” you looked at him confused.

“Ready to announce the world that we are together” he said biting his lower lip waiting for your reaction. He told you a few weeks before that he was afraid and he didn’t know how to handle at that moment if you said you were together, so you told him that it is okay and understood him.

“Like now?! What you have in mind?” you asked him nervous because you both know what comes next with this kind of announcements.

Calum just took your hand and enter just with you inside the photo booth and when the countdown started he looks at you with a smirk and sparkly eyes. “This is my plan” and he kissed you on the lips at the same time the machine announced the picture was taken.

“We have two more! What do we do?” he asked you, but now that you are here you use right the last two pictures. One kissing him in the cheek and hugging him around his neck that Calum did that thing with his eyes and the biggest smile on his face because he is so happy and also the alcohol. And the last one looks a little bit blurry and funny.

You took the opportunity to take another three but this time, now that everyone is going to know about your relation, the pictures are sexier but not vulgar. Of course your photographer took film pictures during the night so you will have several memories of the night.

You and Calum posted the three first ones on your social media.

@Y/N: my love💖.

@calumhood: happiest man in the universe. february 14th is not bad at all anymore with you by my side💛.

That night before you arrived home with Calum, he told you about a new 5sos music video called Valentine that was going to be on Youtube in 30 minutes, he told you that he wrote almost the entire song and you can’t wait to hear and see him singing this song, especially his verse.

We know we're classic together like Egyptian gold

We love us

The success of your new album was immediately. And that means a lot of interviews, invitations to tv shows, radio stations, youtube channels, etc. Calum went and waited for you backstage to the ones that were in US. But the international ones he couldn’t come with you because their new album is going to release soon and new music videos by 5sos.

“I’m so happy to be back!” you said. Today is BBC radio 1 turn. They told you they were happy to have you in the radio.

After you sang a song from the new album, you have to do a cover. In the past you did ‘Them Changes’ by Thundercat and ‘After The Storm’ by Kali Uchis taking advantage of your voice and the high notes you can reach, it is the same this time.

“Hi, this is Get You by my friends Daniel Caesar and Kali Uchis” you said. The last part is your favorite.

This feels like summer

Boy you make me feel so alive

Just be my lover

Boy you'll lead me to paradise

Youngblood is out and the release party wasn’t bigger like yours but the fun was the same. You appeared on the Cocktail Chats they did when it was Valentine’s turn. Now after two months your relation went public, the euphoria coming from the people decreased.

@Y/N: something huge in two hours with a special guest.

You posted on your stories with a sneak peek.

@ctrlnow: Y/N’s world tour with Kehlani as special guest. Next week tickets on sale. Are you excited? because this is going to be 🔥. It is the first time Y/N is going to perform in all the continents in almost two years.

@5sos: US, Canada and Mexico get ready for this tour. Special guest our buddy Dominic Fike. Tickets on sale in 6 days.

After 4 months of rehearsals and planning visuals, outfits, makeup, sets, tracklist, etc. You are on the road with the first leg of the tour in US for the whole summer in arenas and festivals. You are synchronized with Calum so you have no problem to hang out together and enjoy to the fullest your days off.

Both of you don’t get tired of each other concerts. Watching Calum leaving his heart on stage singing and playing his bass, also looking so freaking handsome every single show. For him is the same watching your amazing show with your dancers and different outfits, he said it before and in the present day that he can listen to you singing the whole day and he envies you how charming you are with your fans and noticing every person in the huge arena.

You have a main stage, then a circular runway and a B stage. Calum is always in the first row in front of the B stage. The first show you were so nervous. The beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started and the crowd went crazy.

“It seems that you really like this one” you said teasing even more. You started dancing and walking next to where Calum is. Your dancers interact with the audience while you are reaching the high notes.

We'll have drinks and talk about things

And any excuse to stay awake with you

And you'd sleep here, I'd sleep there

But then the heating may be down again

(At my convenience)

We'd be good, we'd be great together

https://www.instagram.com/p/B577uVJnJ6f/

When you looked down, there is your boyfriend looking at you like nobody else did before. You laughed at his reaction because it was priceless and before you keep moving you blow him a kiss. So as the same his reaction was that first time in the studio with ‘everytime’ that made you laugh, now it is with the song that he inspired. He does that in every show he goes, every time you sing ‘goodnight n go’. It is now your amulet that he makes you laugh in the same part with his faces and reactions. But not everything is perfect.

The different time zones, the distance and the stress is clouding Calum’s mind. In two weeks you have barely spoken ten minutes. And new things keep coming to you like singing to fashion shows, summer festivals in other continents, hosting tv shows, etc. His friends told him that he will get used to and things will be okay within you two. But he misses you so much and he is doubting about himself again in this thing called love.

“I think it is the best Y/N” he said through his phone. He called you that night, he is so overwhelmed and tired. “I don’t want to be an obstacle, this is your career’s biggest time” he tries not to cry while he passed his hand through his hair all nervous.

“Calum please tell me you are not joking” he can hear your sobs in the other side of the line. You are in France and he is in Canada.

“Y/N just look at what time you are calling me! It is 4 am here where I am!” he said frustrated, it is not the first fight but it is the first time he yells at you that loud.

“Okay I’m sorry! It is late here too Calum in New Zealand- my point is that we will be okay Calum. After this I’m going to be home like you” you tried to calm him.

“And then what? Run to film a tv show for a whole week? Just seeing you at nights? We should take a break while we figured it out” he said and you are frozen trying to check if what he said is real.

“You are the only one who needs to figured it out, because I’m sure about us and… How could you even wonder and said that you are an obstacle?”. Now it is the opposite because the last thing you said was “Okay, if it is what you want. Go to sleep n’ goodnight”.

You don’t know how people could know. But rumors of your relationship are in every social media and it is just been a day. You want to throw your phone but you have to get ready for your show in Australia, what an ironic thing.

It is not the same hype when the beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started. When you are singing the bridge that you were used to laugh thanks to Calum’s reactions. Now your voice breaks and hide your face with your hand and the other one holding your microphone so the public keep singing because you can’t. Your dancers changed the choreo to get close to you and let you know that they are there for you but still you start singing again in the next chorus but with a shaky voice. With this people confirms the rumors.

@enews: Our favorite couple is not longer a thing. With this we don’t believe in love. Y/N and Calum Hood are taking a break. Days before the couple had some troubles in tour. Y/N broke in tears and Calum didn’t go to any interview. Link of the video of Y/N last show in the bio.

“I supposed that you already saw this” Luke said giving his phone to Calum to show a video someone posted on Instagram. It is from your last night show.

“Yeah, I saw it” he said without making eye contact with his friend. Calum doesn’t want to talk about it. He is trying to convince himself that what he did is the best. It breaks his heart watching the video that now it is everywhere and his bandmates noticed how irritated he is with everything.

For a whole week Calum barely sleep two hours at nights. He looked off in the shows. He cries during his part in ‘Ghost Of You’, he sings spiritless in ‘Valentine’ and he asked to take off ‘Babylon’ from the tracklist.

5sos have new dates in another continents after December holidays.

“You should talk to Y/N, the Asia leg is going to be over in ten days and after the holidays the South America leg starts” Michael gave his advice to Calum but once again he didn’t give any answer.

You took ‘goodnight n go’ and ‘everytime’ off from the tracklist and changed it for another song because you tried a couple of shows after but you couldn’t do it like it used to be singing that song. Your fans were sad because it is their favorite song but you don’t want to cry every single show.

You have been in touch with Calum but not much. Just good morning and good night messages and that you are safe in the city you two are in that moment.

“Hello Mexico City!” Luke said on stage. “Welcome to the Meet You There tour, thanks for having us tonight, let’s have some fun!”

The whole night Calum were late and off key with his voice and bass that multiple times Ashton tried to follow him with the drums. Calum is thinking and worried about you when he saw earlier that you cancelled your shows in Korea because you got a cold that you have to rest your voice. He just wants to talk to you.

When the show ended, Calum throws his bass hard against the floor without caring a thing. After that he went directly to bed, without taking a shower, or eat something. It is been like this for weeks and everyone knows that what he decided was so stupid, but with hope that he learns the lesson.

“Can you explain us what was that?” Ashton said taking off Calum’s hands his phone. “Dude this is getting out of control, and we gave you your space and everything but now you are going to admit that what you did was wrong and the only thing you want is your relationship back”.

“Go away” Calum said.

“No, Hood. You are barely sleeping, eating, focused, happy. This is how relationships work, and we know that it is crazy as fuck when you are famous”.

“Yeah man, it wasn’t easy for me and my girlfriend” Michael said. “And now we are going to get married...Look, if it is meant to be and if you really love Y/N, you should fix this”.

You are back in LA for holidays and tonight you have the last show of the year because the second date of LA you had to cancel it because an allergy you had so you reschedule the show.

You are in the car on your way to the arena when your manager told you to stop by the studio because the new visual that you asked for is ready. It is a recap of this year, so your fans are going to see a couple of unreleased videos and pictures of behind the scenes of this whole year including everything and every person in your life.

In the studio you saw the new visual and you noticed that they didn’t put Calum on it. You love him and even when you are on a break, you wanted him in the visual too.

“Hmm I can explain it” your crew member said when another video randomly start in the screen of the computer.

“A mini film by Andy Deluca” you read in the title. The video shows the different reactions of Calum in every ‘goodnight n go’ performance. not just the tour, it also shows the reactions from his house listening to the song, or watching you performing the song on a show. It is a funny video but at the same time so cute and emotional because his reactions are different in every take. Calum screamed “YAAAAS!” or “I LOVE YOU BABY!”, surprised faces, funny faces, lip-synching, etc. And when Andy pointed the camera at you and you hid your laugh with your hand or sleeve, depends on the outfit. Calum says directly to the camera “Y/N should stop doing that, I’m going to say it later because Y/N’s laugh and smile are gorgeous… Okay this is my favorite song, enjoy it”. And the video ends.

“Wow, this is freaking cool but how did you-?” you asked your team when Calum appears from nowhere that scares you.

“I send it to your manager” he said. “I asked Andy to do this video because as always since the start of our relation I wanted to keep these memories”. When you didn’t say anything, he continues. “Y/N I know that I fucked up everything and-” he is interrupted by your manager telling your team to leave you two alone. Once alone with Calum in the room he continues again. “I got scared, I had never had a real relationship, this connection and what I feel for you before...I’m sorry”.

After a couple of minutes talking and giving your point of view that he didn’t let you give months earlier, you said “I love you, but please talk to me because the solution is not running every time things get complicated” and you hug him. He tried to kiss you but you said that he has to win your heart again.

“Hello LA! Hope you enjoy this surprise, happy holidays” and the new visuals and videos start playing in the big screen and everyone is laughing, getting emotional, while you drink water backstage you can hear the “awww cute”. And last but not least Calum’s video is playing and you are ready for the next song. Everyone screamed and are happy for you to be with him again. So when in the video Calum says ‘Okay this is my favorite song, enjoy it’, the beginning of ‘goodnight n go’ started.

Tell me why you gotta look at me that way

You know what it does to me

So baby, what you tryna say? Ayy

Lately, all I want is you on top of me

You know where your hands should be

So baby, won't you come show me? Mmm

“For this next song I would like to call Mister Calum Thomas Hood” you said looking at him. He didn’t know about this. You sat him in a chair and say on his ear “A little tease never hurt nobody babe”. Now talking to the audience, “Let’s go!” and the beat of ‘break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored’ went off. Calum is fighting and struggling when you are dancing in front and on top of him.

It’s been 3 years since Calum entered your room. He is so glad that he interrupted your studio session. And here he is now, watching you performing ‘goodnight n go’ like if it was the first time he heard you that night in your home studio, the feeling and the amount of love to you is the same and even bigger he would say, it just changes the place where you are singing this song. Now you don’t hide your laugh with your sleeve, and Calum always says how he feels and trusts in your relationship.

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suitofvibraniumarmor · 4 years

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** Writing Challenge **

I know, I know, my next one isn’t quite wrapped up yet, buttttt this idea came to me when my cousin and I were taking a walk down a ridiculous part of Memory Lane and I got excited. I’m guessing this has been done before at some point -- that’s not stopping me from presenting to you:

I love fluff. And I wanna see more of it!

Below the cut you will find some prompts that, in the context of Twilight, are absolutely cringe-worthy. My challenge to you is to take that prompt and make it something we can love.

Disclaimer: I’m not Twilight-shaming ANYONE. I literally sat and watched all of Eclipse and now want to watch both Breaking Dawns. It’s more about sentiment, and the occasional girly giggle for me, but ... yeah. No judgement here, friends.

Guidelines, prompts, and tags are below the cut! (Yes, I copied and tweaked from my last writing challenge. I’m being efficient, thank you! :P )

Please read all of the information carefully!

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to December 30, 2020. I will accept two people for each prompt, one prompt per author.

Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. I will answer them privately so I’m not flooding anyone’s dash!

In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option, as well as your pairing (so I don’t take the same pairing for the same prompt). Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from.

To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by Decemeber 31, 2020.

Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #BetterThanTwilightWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please tag me in the masterlist.

Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how unreliable my mind can be. Yikes.)

The challenge masterlist will be posted between January 1 and January 4, 2020.

There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.

Yes, this is a FLUFF challenge, so you MUST have fluff as your main genre. You’re more than welcome to include other genres, but you MUST have a happy and/or hopeful ending.

You’re welcome to think outside of the box! Just because I’m talking Twilight and love stories, doesn’t mean there has to be romance! Give me amazing friendships or strong family bonds or self-love. Or romance! Whatever you’d like.

You're welcome to change pronouns in the prompt as necessary! Heck, I tweaked a few of ‘em so they’re not Twilight-specific.

For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge (which means I will not reblog or add to the masterlist) stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions!

Bring on the ships, OC’s, reader pairings – I’m trying to be more open-minded as of late, but I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons. But I will reblog everything!

Characters and RPFs from Marvel/MCU are both welcome.

If you need an extension or need to drop out, please know that I am extremely flexible when it comes to that deadline/due date. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “It’s really more of a guideline.” Just shoot me an ask or a message and we’ll work something out, no worries!

Prompts:

1. “I have always loved you, and I will always love you.” 2. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.” 3. “I know what you are.” 4. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.” 5. “You have a connection with her that I’ll never understand.” 6. “I’m glad she has you.” 7. “It will be like I never existed. I promise.” 8. “I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness.” 9. “That will take a while to get used to.” “We have a while.” 10. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” 11. “I’d rather hear your theories.” 12. (sarcastically) “Super. That makes me really happy.” 13. “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” 14. “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.” 15. “It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and they’ll accept you for what you are.” 16. “I’ve been waiting for what seems like a very long time to get beyond what I am.” 17. “I feel like I can finally begin.” 18. “He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently nobody here is good enough for him.” 19. “He did say I couldn’t step inside the door. I came in through the window.” 20. “I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun.” 21. “Now I’m afraid.” “Good.” 22. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you.” 23. “About three things I was absolutely positive ...” 24. “You’re so stubborn.” 25. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” 26. “I can’t even think about someone hurting you.” 27. “The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.” 28. “Don’t antagonize her. She’s the strongest one in the house.” 29. “All right. That’s enough experimenting for one day.” 30. “It never made sense for you to love me.” 31. “I wish there had been someone to vote no for me.” 32. “It’s just a little baby.” 33. “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” 34. “I’m not missing another fight!” 35. “No one can hide like me.” 36. “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?” 37. “I have one condition, if you want me to do it myself.” 38. “I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” 39. “How did you get in here?” “The window.” 40. “I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” 41. “You should put your seatbelt on.” 42. “Can you talk about something else? Distract me so I won’t turn around.” 43. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” 44. “After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” 45. “Maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” 46. “All of my best nights have happened since I met you.” 47. “You know everybody’s staring?” “Not that guy ... no, he just looked.” 48. “She wishes she was that awesome.” 49. “Does he visit often?” “Yeah, all the time.” 50. “Lie ... Lie better.” 51. “I’m Switzerland.” 52. “That should have been our first kiss.” 53. “Would you like to hear my story? It doesn’t have a happy ending -- but which of ours does?” 54. “Another party?” “It’ll be fun.” “Yeah. That’s what you said last time.” 55. “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I will always be yours.” 56. “The way he watches you. It’s like he’s willing to leap in front of you and take a bullet or something.” 57. “Kill me! Not him!” 58. “Stay.” “Give me one good reason.” 59. “Yeah, it’s and off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” 60. “Damn it! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” 61. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not afraid of it.” 62. “Do I dazzle you?” 63. “I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.” 64. “Bring on the shackles, I’m your prisoner.” 65. “You are my life now.” 66. “And then we continued blissfully into this small, perfect piece of our forever.” 67. “Nobody’s ever loved someone as much as I love you.” 68. “I don’t know what happened.” “You love him.” 69. “All of sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.” 70. “You really love her?” 71. “I don’t see the whole point of the rest of the world without her.” 72. “Then I found a promising site ... I waited impatiently for it to load, quickly clicked closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally, the screen finished -- simple, white background with black text; academic-looking. Two quotes greeted me on the homepage:” 73. “I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” 74. “I’ll be fighting for her, too, and I’ll be fighting twice as hard as you will.” 75. “It’s always been him.” 76. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” 77. “They’re coming for her.” “They’re not gonna touch her.” 78. “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” 79. “You know, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.” 80. “You have disappeared. Like everything else.” 81. “The absence of him is everywhere I look.” 82. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” 83. “Your number was up the first time I met you.” 84. “We all like to drive fast.” 85. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” 86. “I’ve never given much thought to how I’d die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” 87. “Don’t tempt me too far. My patience isn’t that perfect.” 88. “His tone questions my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfect delivered line by a skilled actor.” 89. “What’s he mad about?” 90. “No measure of time with you will ever be enough.” 91. “I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.” 92. “We’re gonna be great friends!” 93. “If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing him.” 94. “Until your heart stops beating.” 95. “I touched the cool miracle of his ski, and I was home.” 96. “Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” 97. “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes.” 98. “Leave it to you ... you have to start hanging out with the first weirdos you can find.” 99. “I love him much more than I should, and yet still nowhere near enough.” 100. “I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes.”

Tags for possible interest/signal boosting (if you’re so inclined):

@captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @horsesandbandsforlife @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @captain-rogers-beard @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @jackryanplz @beakami @heartsaved @fullprunerebelstatesman @blackwidowismyhomegirl @the-murder-strut-murdered-me @shield-agent78 @jennmurawski13 @okay-maybe-i-like-marvel-too

#betterthantwilightwc #twilight writing challenge #prompt list #queue and i remember budapest very differently

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retphienix · 3 years

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It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

#Retphienix #gaming #video games #gaming liveblog

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violetwolfraven · 4 years

Text

Trust (Broken?)

((I saw a post about how Blink and Sniper scabbed and why isn’t anyone writing angst about this and I figured I’d give it a shot. Did I make up backstories for Smalls and Sniper? Possibly!))

...

“Smalls. Smalls, stop! Please! I’m sorry! Can we just—“

Smalls did stop, only to whirl around so fast Sniper almost banged into her.

“You’re sorry?” Smalls snarled, “You scabbed on us, Sniper!”

“Smalls, I—“

“Crutchie got taken!” Smalls shouted, “Jack’s missin’, and he might be dead, for all we know! And we all knew this could happen when we’s signed on to this, Snipes, we all knew how dangerous it was from the beginnin’! What? You, Blink, and Tommy just couldn’t take it?”

It still hurt, just thinking about it.

She’d heard Mush make a sound like he got punched in the stomach when he saw Blink.

Finch, being Tommy Boy’s closest friend, had taken a couple steps back out of shock.

Smalls had been frozen when she saw Sniper’s face among the scabs. Crutchie had put a hand on her shoulder, but she’d barely felt it.

She’d thought Sniper was one of the brave ones. She’d thought she’d stick with them to the end.

She’d thought Sniper would stick with her to the end.

The adrenaline high from ripping up papes, beating up on the Delanceys for once instead of being the ones getting beat up on right after the scabs all switched back to the right side was gone. Smalls hadn’t thought about this too hard in the moment, hadn’t had time to, but now all she could do was think about it.

Everything was wrong. This was just the part occupying her mind at the moment.

She had a black eye, now, and yeah, Sniper was a bit roughed-up, but she wasn’t too worse for wear, and that just made Smalls angrier.

“Smalls...” Sniper made a frustrated noise, “I didn’t wanna scab, okay? I didn’t! It’s just that if I don’t bring in money, my dad gets mad.”

Smalls scoffed, “What, and ya think the rest of us don’t have reasons to keep sellin’?”

“I didn’t say—“

“This job,” Smalls growled, grabbing the front of the other girl’s shirt with one hand, “This Lodging House, this is all I have. It’s all a lot of the fellas have. Still, ya don’t see me or most of the others abandonin’ anybody!”

“I didn’t abandon anyone!” Sniper argued, “It had nothin’ to do with you! And I know this is all ya have! That’s what you don’t get, here! You ain’t got nothin’ to lose ‘cept your own life and that’s your choice! But I can’t leave my mom in that house alone! It ain’t my fault your family went and left you!”

Smalls let go of Sniper’s shirt, stumbling back a few steps.

Sniper’s hand flew over her mouth like she couldn’t believe what she’d just said.

The only other people who knew Smalls’s backstory were Jack, Crutchie, and Race, and that was because they were there.

Jack, Crutchie, and Race were there when Smalls was 4 and her three older brothers dropped her off at the Lodging House after their mom died, saying they needed a place for her to sleep for a little while but they’d be back in a couple weeks after they found stable work.

Jack, Crutchie, and Race were there when Smalls started selling the next morning, learning the best spots and techniques right along side these boys, older than her by a few years at 8, 7, and 6, respectively.

Jack, Crutchie, and Race were there a few weeks later, when the leader of Manhattan back then sat Smalls down and told her that he didn’t think her brothers were coming back.

They were there a few months after that when she finally accepted that they weren’t.

Smalls had been a Newsie longer than just about anyone. She was 13, had started when she was 4, and that meant... well, a building full of teenage boys had never been the best schoolhouse, but it was how she’d grown up. Someone had taught her to read and write at some point, but Smalls had never been good at math.

But she did know that not even Jack started as young as she did.

Smalls had been the only girl in the Lodging House until she was 8. Kloppman had made an exception for her, not wanting a kid that young on the streets, and he’d made another for Sniper on account of her only planning on staying half the time. And he still sometimes talked about how it wasn’t appropriate that two girls slept in the same room as a couple dozen boys, but he never kicked them out.

Smalls had, of course, been sleeping in the same room as boys since she was born. She still thought about her brothers sometimes, wondering where they might be, contemplating when they decided to leave her, usually cursing names that she barely remembered. They could be out west, for all she knew. She did remember that they were all significantly older than her.

The only person she’d ever told about them or any of it was Sniper.

Because she trusted Sniper enough to speak of memories she sometimes wanted to forget.

Evidently, she’d been wrong to.

“Fuck you, Sniper,” she said shakily, turning to leave the alley they were in.

“Smalls, wait—“

Smalls raised a fist as she turned when Sniper grabbed her wrist to stop her.

The other girl didn’t look scared. Her brown eyes were calm, if full of guilt.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m so sorry. That was a line I never should have crossed. I know nothin’ I say’ll make it better, but... I’m just sorry. For everythin’ I’s said and done.”

Smalls wanted to hit her. She knew if it was any of the boys, he’d already be on the ground with a broken nose.

But it was Sniper. And no matter what she’d said or done, Smalls couldn’t hit her.

She let her hand drop, “I shouldn’t’ve acted like you shouldn’t be scared of your dad. I’s seen those bruises ya hide. And you’re right. I don’t have a family to lose.”

“That’s not true.”

“What, the Newsies?” Smalls scoffed, “Yeah, they’s my family. Or maybe not, cause they don’t raise a hand to me or keep me runnin’ back to someone what hurts me. If your parents are what you call a family, the Newsies are somethin’ else.”

Sniper opened her mouth, then closed it. It looked like she didn’t have an argument, which was rare.

“Your dad ain’t any less of a bastard than my brothers just ‘cause he stuck around,” Smalls said firmly, “On the nights ya go home, he hurts ya more nights than he doesn’t. You call that a family? Huh?”

“No,” Sniper admitted, looking at the ground.

“No. And yet ya keep goin’ back.”

“I can’t not,” Sniper muttered, “I don’t know what he’d do to Mom if I didn’t.”

Smalls shook her head, “Sniper... your mom ain’t even tried to protect you. She ain’t bad, but she ain’t good either.”

“Maybe not,” she admitted, “But she’s all I got.”

“No, she ain’t.”

Sniper looked a little surprised, like she hadn’t expected Smalls to still care, after everything in the last few hours.

Smalls was definitely still angry, but she was willing to try to work through it.

After all, Sniper was still her best friend, and...

Well, Smalls wasn’t completely sure yet.

But the way Mush talked about Blink, the way Race talked about Spot, and so many other pairs she knew had romantic things going on, it was... familiar. She recognized those feelings they were trying to describe when she sat in on their gossip, though she’d definitely never felt them for a boy.

The rest of the world was different, but among the Manhattan Newsies, it was okay for a boy to like another boy. It was okay for a boy to like a girl, too. Given that there were few other girls around unless she was someone one of the boys was courting, Smalls didn’t know if girls liking other girls was even a thing, (she’d have to ask Race or somebody about it later) but...

Sniper had short hair like a boy, anyway, so maybe she was close enough.

They were young enough, at 13, that Smalls didn’t think she should make a move just yet. It would probably be better to wait until they were a little bigger, if Smalls even still wanted to make a move when they got bigger. They had a lot to talk about before that would ever be an option, anyway. Smalls had seen enough failed courtships in years living with various teenagers to know how important communication was.

That didn’t mean she felt like talking about it right now.

“I should go make sure there’s nothin’ I can help with.”

Sniper let go of her wrist, “Right. Yeah. Ya probably should.”

She was hesitating.

“I’m sure Race and Davey could use anyone they can get helpin’ out,” Smalls offered, “Ya know. If you wanted to spend the night.”

“Okay.”

They didn’t link elbows the way they normally would walking back inside, but Smalls felt a little better just knowing they were going to figure out how to be okay.

#newsies #smallsper #smalls newsies #sniper newsies #smalls x sniper #angst #violet’s writing

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cynicaldesire · 3 years

Text

Since I’m having trouble writing, I’ll just make an update post. Maybe that’ll help me feel better, get some things off my chest.

Not much to get off my chest tho. My husband had a like 2week break and we sat around mostly playing Monster Hunter Rise for the duration.

Shortly before his break, though, I was having chest pain and a toothache. My teeth have looked pretty gnarly and my gums have been receding for a while but language barrier so we’ve been too scared to go to a dentist. But we have to now because I started have Chest Pain.

My husband’s father died from heart failure. So I kept expecting my chest pain to go away so I wouldn’t have to scare him with it. But after like day 4, when the pain hadn’t gone away, I finally broke down and told him about it. He had like 3 days of work, so we agreed that I would be super careful and we lost a lot of sleep, but I checked my heart rate using my phone and tried to take it easy until my husband’s break started. We headed to the big hospital like a block away from the clinic we usually go to just in case my chest pain was serious. We struggle our way through language barriers and I explain my symptoms to the doctor. It was mostly some burning pain at the time. Doctor has me get an ECG and some bloodwork. He tells me the ECG is normal so my actual heart muscle is fine, but the bloodwork says my liver is inflamed in response to something, but it’s not an infection, so he’s gonna prescribe me some NSAIDs and tells me to come back in a week. My husband says that I also have been having some tooth pain. The doctor freezes with a thinky face and says to get my teeth checked and to come back in a week. We ask if he has any suggestions on dentists. He says NOPE! and leaves. We head to checkout and while waiting for them to process my stuff, the doctor stops by checkout also and I’m like Hey. He nods and heads out. We spent a total of like... 4 hours there. Total. For the ECG, the bloodwork, etc.

Go home, take the meds, try to take care of my teeth, get Listerine. Sit around and try to take it easy for a week. We go back, the burning is gone and my teeth have overcome their problem. Doc asks if I’m okay now, I say yeah, seem to be, but now I have random pinchy pains. He says I should come back in a month. Husband and I can’t so the doctor is like Okay well, you’re fine, but if it gets bad again... Come back.

Due to my being broke, uninsured, and having a chronic illness, I do a lot of armchair doctoring on myself. There’s a limit to it, of course, but I try to research my own health issues or treatments after visiting a doctor. I found so much more information on PCOS on sites like fucking Reddit than by going to a doctor for years. So after the doctor told me I was okay, I looked up why I might have chest pain if it wasn’t related to a heart attack or something. And one of the options was a pulled muscle.

I thought back to the week before the chest pain started. Other than the toothache and swollen gums, I had been doing a bunch of exercise. I did a bunch of Ringfit and hip lifts and situps and stuff. And I was like Hm. Did I injure my chest muscle overdoing the Ringfit?

I, of course, informed the parents of all of this. My husband’s mother was informed and I was worried she would be deeply upset because she lost her husband to heart problems. But then both parents were like “You went to the doctor? You have medications? Well you seem to have it under control, so let’s bitch about my problems.” Meanwhile, I’m over here having trouble sleeping because I’m worried I won’t wake up. But okay. When my husband went back to work, I Skype’d with my mother and she seemed more irritated that I had interrupted her evening than happy to talk to me or worried about my Chest Pain. Also my dad has to get up at like 3am, so when I called her, she was worried her getting loud and animated as we do was going to wake him up.

(husband’s mental health doctor struggles and a story about library card nonsense under the cut)

Husband has also been seeking professional help because he believes he has ADHD. He’s been having a lot of problems, mostly mentally and emotionally, and he traced all the issues he’s having to ADHD. So he went to an English-speaking psychiatrist for medication. The shrink said he wanted to treat the anxiety before the ADHD in case anxiety is the only issue. My husband, due to his job, is very good at asking questions, so he asked the doctor how many people he prescribes this medication to. And he said 100% of his patients. Well, the medication didn’t seem to help, so on the followup appointment, the doctor said Oh, you’re just taking too much. My husband was like It’s supposed to reduce my anxiety, but instead it’s making my anxiety worse, it’s giving me mood swings, and generally making me very angry. And also sex is more difficult. Doc said I’m gonna reduce the dosage because I can’t treat your ADHD without getting rid of the anxiety. Husband came out of the appointment angry and defeated. But now he’s taking less (and it might be helping?)

Soooo yeah. I try to brush my teeth at least once a day (up from the like once every 20 years I did it before) and I use the No alcohol Listerine in place of brushing sometimes because you can. I skimmed an article about how to take good care of your teeth and it said to not actually rinse when you brush and mouthwash in place of brushing sometimes. I drink almost exclusively soda so I try not to drink any for at least 30minutes after brushing or mouthwash.

We hung out with the friends a couple weeks ago and they said we should start up a new DnD campaign because one of our friends has a roommate in his small apartment and can’t rejoin the old one. The roommate is a friend displaced by a breakup, but he seems to have a new apartment and the moveout date keeps moving. Our DM is getting tired of it and one of our other friends wants in because he’s lonely and DnD is great, so he said we should start up a new campaign so he can join. So we’re setting up for that, just in case.

In order to work on my writing, I’ve skimmed a lot of tips articles after watching a bunch of YouTube lectures and videos. I kinda hate reading and I feel like a huge fraud because if I want to write, I should like to read. But I don’t want to risk buying books I don’t like and having piles of books on my Kindle that just rot. And also, you know, I’m broke. Why spend money on something I won’t get any enjoyment out of? Just a waste at that point. Coulda bought some McDonald’s with that money. Or something. So I thought about the library. I don’t have an active library card, but I knew my Dad had one, so I asked to use his to check out ebooks. He obliged and I started getting books that everybody recommends, like The Name of the Wind and Tales of Earthsea and all this other stuff. I also got Mistborn: The Final Empire and some other Sanderson books, and the Witcher series. But not every book was available at my library. I found an app that let me look at other libraries’ catalogs and I found the missing books at the library where my husband’s family and friends are. I asked our friends if they had a card among them, and the one guy that works at the library has one but his card is always maxed out for checkouts. As an employee, he can check out like a max of 99 things. And it’s always maxed out. He offered me something I wasn’t comfortable with, so I declined. So I asked my husband to make a card. He declined. So I asked him to ask his mom to make one. She said she doesn’t live in the city, so she can’t. She sent us an email with my husband’s sister’s name for a library that I didn’t ask for and didn’t have the books I was looking for available. Because it uses a different service than the one I was looking at apparently so I could use that one but they didn’t send actual login information.

My husband, because of the way he communicates with his family, asked his mother for help with this library endeavor very cavalierly. He was just loosey-goosey with it. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I figured they would handle it. His family intimidates me, has rarely made me feel welcome, and so I usually leave myself out of conversations with them. But after they just stopped worrying about the library thing, because I felt like I was right and all they had to do was make an effort, I took it upon myself to email his mom directly. Due to childhood trauma or other paranoia, I’m always worried about being misconstrued or misunderstood, so I end up being very verbose. See above. So I made a long email explaining why I wanted the library card, why I was asking for their help specifically, and included links to the places I saw you could make a library card and how they didn’t have to leave the house to verify it because of COVID. Then, to make sure it wasn’t demanding, that it was friendly, I added some stuff at the bottom about how I wished them well and I was proud of my sister-in-laws’s weight loss journey and how my chest was doing and blah blah. I sent this email right before bed. I assumed that his family would work together to figure it out and if they didn’t wanna deal with it, they would say they weren’t interested. The worst they can do is say no and I’ll have lost nothing except time.

Woke up to an email from his mother saying, in that malicious compliance/corporate politeness way, that she couldn’t make a library card because she didn’t live in the city and she’d be happy to make one for one of the cities that did work. Also, she hoped I was feeling better.

I had had a bad day prior. The day before, waking up had been near impossible, my husband ordered McDonald’s delivery for breakfast and I wasn’t hungry so we sat and watched an anime I didn’t want to watch while food sat getting cold in front of me. I ended up not being hungry for 8hrs. We were talking to the group about DnD, but also needed to shower, so while my husband got in the shower, I said some things to the group and then hopped in the shower. Upon telling my husband what I said, he had this look on his face like he was planning how to damage control what I had said, despite not even knowing what it was. My exhaustion had left me vulnerable, so I couldn’t deal with it and cried. He apologized and we talked about it. Bolstered by this conversation, I went on to boldly converse with other people, which is what allowed me to send that email to his mother in the first place. So upon her declaration that she couldn’t help me, I decided to help myself.

So I went through the process of making an account using my husband’s name for the library I wanted and it worked, I think. It’s not verified or maybe it’s not in the city, so I couldn’t check out an ebook. So I was back to square one. Not only back to square one, now I was doubly wrong. I had pursued this process in righteous indignation, after having directly contacted his mother, and been proven wrong. So now, not only was I dumb and wrong, I had put myself out there. I was wrong on stage.

My husband, wanting to help, went and acquired the one book I was using as my litmus for me. There are probably others I could look up, but at least I have that one and it’s sequel.

But yeah, that’s what’s going on with me.

#update #about me

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ceealaina · 5 years

Text

He’s Got a Secret

Square: TSB T3-Day in the Life, WinterIron O5-Domesticity Rating: T Warnings: None Pairing: Tony/Bucky Link: AO3 Summary: Based on that post about Steve’s birthday not actually being July 4, and Steve being in too deep to admit the truth. And of course Tony and Bucky put it together. Just fluff and nonsense.

It was a lazy, rainy, November morning, and somehow, miraculously, neither Bucky nor Tony had anything immediately pressing to get to. They were taking full advantage, snuggling up in bed and just enjoying each other's company before facing the day.

Tony was sprawled on his back, nestled into a mountain of pillows, with Bucky pushed up on his metal elbow, leaning over him to press gentle kisses over his neck and shoulders. Tony hummed, his eyes fluttering shut as he combed his fingers through Bucky’s hair, tangling their legs together.

“This is nice,” he mumbled, inhaling sharply at the faint drag of teeth over his collarbone. “Mmm… This is… this is really nice.”

He could feel Bucky’s lips curl into a smile over his skin and he grinned in return, rubbing over Bucky’s scalp until the other man was practically purring. Tony opened his eyes again, feeling all warm and melty inside at the loving look that Bucky was giving him.

“Hey baby,” Bucky purred, tilting his head to kiss the palm of Tony’s hand. Tony shivered a little at that, and Bucky waggled his eyebrows at him before letting his elbow drop again, snuggling into the pillows beside Tony. Tony beamed, rolling onto his side to face him.

“Hey yourself,” he said, curling his hand over Bucky’s cheek and kissing him properly.

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed against his lips, pulling back to stroke his fingers up and down Tony’s arm until he was shivering. “I love mornings like this.”

“You and me both,” Tony told him. He yawned widely and abandoned kissing in favour of snuggling into Bucky’s chest, grinning when Bucky wrapped his arms around him and rolled on to his back, taking Tony with him. Tony yawned again, tracing aimless patterns over Bucky’s bare chest, teasing around his nipple just to hear Bucky’s slight hiss. “What are your plans today, Bucky Bear?”

Bucky grinned at the nickname, pressing a kiss to the top of Tony’s head. "Nothing major,” he admitted. “Promised Steve I’d spar with him this evening, although I’m looking for any excuse to get out of that. Sam’s moving his sister into a new apartment this afternoon, and he roped me into helping.”

He was grumbling and Tony laughed softly, placing a kiss over his heart. “You say that like you didn’t immediately volunteer, you big softie.”

Bucky shrugged. “I like his sister, she makes fun of Sam with me. Plus she makes real good cookies, so sue me.” He grinned, tightening his arms around Tony. “What about you, sweetheart. Anything exciting?”

“I’ve got a conference call with Hong Kong,” Tony said with a sigh. “But then I’m gonna be in the lab most of the day. The thrusters in my left boot were a little off yesterday, and I’ve been meaning to get to an upgrade on Clint’s arrows for like, three weeks, and Pepper’s been bugging me about a problem with the StarkPhone UI that R&D apparently can’t handle. So that’ll be me.” He leaned up enough to kiss the bottom of Bucky’s chin. “Want to get dinner tonight?”

“Absolutely,” Bucky declared. “Lorenzo’s? At seven? It’ll give me an excuse to skip my sparring session,” he added cheerfully, making Tony laugh.

“Seven it is,” he agreed. “Tell Steve he can spar with Natasha instead,” he added, giggling when Bucky winced a little at the thought. He leaned up, kissing him softly on the lips.

“Oh, Steve,” Bucky said when he pulled back again, making Tony blink. He shifted up on his arms so he could fix Bucky with an arched brow.

“Not exactly the name I was hoping to hear, babe.”

“Shut up,” Bucky drawled, and Tony squawked as he poked him between his ribs, right in a ticklish spot. Bucky grinned as Tony spluttered and collapsed against his chest again.

“You’re the worst,” Tony told him, biting at his pec in retaliation. Bucky shifted a little at the feeling but folded an arm behind his head, just looking at Tony smugly.

“That’s not what you said earlier,” Bucky reminded him, grinning wider when Tony just rolled his eyes. “In fact, as I recall, it was something more along the lines of ‘oh god, yes, Bucky, Bucky, I love you so fucking much, Bucky,’” he added in a fair imitation of Tony’s voice.

Tony just huffed, biting him harder, and Bucky grunted a little, sliding his hand down to palm Tony’s ass.

“Hey you wanna go again, we can go right ahead,” he offered, feeling Tony squirm as he stroked a finger down the cleft of his ass. “I’m good whenever.”

For just a minute Tony pushed up into his touch, moaning softly against Bucky’s skin. But then he heaved a sigh, rolling to his side to give Bucky a glare. “It’s hasn’t even been an hour, asshole. You know I can’t go again yet.”

Bucky just laughed, pulling Tony in against his chest again to places kisses in his hair.

“Fucking super soldiers and their fucking refractory periods,” Tony grumbled into Bucky’s neck before looking up so suddenly he almost smacked the back of his head into Bucky’s chin. “Oh yeah, so why exactly were you bringing Steve into our sex life?”

“Gross,” Bucky said, wrinkling his nose a little at the thought. “I wasn’t. I was just gonna say, we should start planning for his birthday? Maybe we could brainstorm over dinner. He hates making a big deal outta it, so obviously we have to go completely over the top.”

Tony nodded, humming as metal fingers rubbed at his shoulders. “Yeah, sounds good,” he agreed, and then paused. “Wait, what?” he asked, leaning up to look at Bucky again. “I mean, I guess, but you’re getting a bit of an early start there, aren’t you?”

Bucky frowned at him. “Well… we’ve got a bit of time, but not if we wanna get a good reservation somewhere or something.”

Tony snorted. “Are you planning to rent out the Met? I mean, I’m not saying no, the look on his face would be hilarious. But otherwise, I think we can probably make whatever you want to do work with less lead time. We’ve got almost eight months, and I am very, very rich.”

Bucky stopped rubbing Tony’s shoulder, ignoring his faint noise of protest. “Eight months?” he repeated. “What are you talking about?”

Tony frowned at him. “It’s November.”

“Yeah.”

“Steve’s birthday is in July.”

“Steve’s birthday is when now?”

“July. July fourth.”

Bucky blinked at him for a minute and then he burst out laughing. Tony sat up on in the bed, watching in concern as Bucky laughed until he was crying, wondering if his boyfriend had finally lost it entirely. Bucky laughed and laughed until he wasn’t even breathing, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clutched at his middle, trying to get control of himself.

“Oh my god,” he finally managed to choke out, still holding onto his stomach with his eyes closed. “Oh man, I definitely don’t need to spar now,” he added, still snickering under his breath.

“Okay, that’s good,” Tony told him. “And also, what the hell was that?”

Bucky opened his eyes, and started laughing again when he saw Tony’s face, although fortunately he got himself mostly under control again after a minute.

“Steve…” he snickered a little. “Tell me again when you think Steve’s birthday is?”

“July fourth,” Tony repeated. “Everyone knows that. It’s like he was meant to be Captain America, from the day he was born. He’s every tour guide’s wet dream.” Tony stared as Bucky burst out laughing again, wiping at the tears streaming from his eyes. “Bucky, what?”

“Steve’s birthday is not July fourth,” Bucky managed to choke out before snorting again, shoving his face into the pillow until he could get himself under control again.

Tony blinked at him. “I’m sorry. What?”

“Steve’s birthday isn’t July fourth,” Bucky repeated, this time managing to say it with a more or less straight face. “Not even close. He was born on December 3.”

Tony blinked again, his mind trying to connect the facts he already knew with what Bucky was now telling him. “That… That can’t be right.”

Bucky grinned at him. “Trust me, doll. I’ve known that punk since we were little kids. Used to join he and his ma to celebrate Steve’s birthday, and it would always snow. It was definitely not July.”

Tony just shook his head. “But… we’ve thrown him birthday parties! Every year we have a barbeque, and we all watch the fireworks from the roof of the tower, and make jokes about how there are fireworks for him, not America. One year I even paid to get a firework done like his shield, and I thought he was going to jump in the pool. He never said anything!”

Bucky’s eyes were sparkling now, looking like it was his birthday. “Probably because he knew he’d never hear the end of it from all of you. Tony, honey, this is the best. Do you know what we can do with this?”

“What is even happening right now?” Tony breathed softly, still trying to process this new information. There were certain things that were just facts, and one of those things was that Steve Rogers had the most American birthday possible. “I don’t… How?”

“Probably some propaganda thing they came up with when he was doing those USO tours. ‘Captain America is so patriotic, he was born on the fourth of July. Be patriotic like Cap. Fight for your country.’ That kind of thing.”

Tony snickered a little, finally catching up. “So it somehow made it onto his SSR file, and when SHIELD found him… And it’s Steve, so of course he wouldn’t have said anything.” He started to laugh, and Bucky beamed now that Tony had caught up. “He probably spends the month of June in absolute terror that we’ll figure it out. This is the most Steve Rogers thing that has ever happened.” He shook his head at Bucky. “How did we not figure this out earlier?”

“We missed Steve’s birthday last year, remember?” Bucky reminded him. “That hell mission? We were gone like three weeks. And then before that, I wasn’t really paying attention to birthdays.” He flapped a hand impatiently. “Doesn’t matter. Tony, how are we gonna tell him?”

Tony grinned wider. “I’m thinking surprise party?” he asked. “Do you think he’ll faint when he walks in and realizes that we all know?”

“Yes,” Bucky agreed, nodding definitively. “Absolutely. But please let me tease him a bit first.” A wicked look crossed his face, and Tony couldn’t decide if he was terrified, or turned on. “I want to see his face when he realizes I can ruin everything with one word.”

“Only if you promise to record it so I can see too.”

***

Steve had had a pretty much perfect morning. He’d woken in the dark to go for a run. The air was cool, and crisp, and by the time he was headed back to the tower, the sun was up, promising to be one of those gorgeous, unseasonably warm, late fall days. Now he was freshly showered, and enjoying a second cup of coffee while he flipped through a newspaper.

And then Bucky walked in.

“Hey Stevie,” he drawled, making his way over to the coffee maker, and Steve glanced up at him over the top of his paper. Bucky had a bounce to his step and was humming under his breath; today was obviously a good day, and Steve grinned at him.

“Hey Buck,” he said, eyeing Bucky a moment longer before turning back to his paper. He didn’t actually have any particular preference for print newpapers, except for the horrified look Tony got whenever he saw him reading one, but really, what other reason did he need? He and Bucky fell into a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the occasional flick of paper as Steve turned to next page and the easy, domestic sounds of Bucky moving around the kitchen, making himself some breakfast.

“Hey, Steve?” Bucky asked suddenly, jolting Steve out of the daze he’d let himself sink into. He blinked a couple times before looking up to find Bucky frowning out the window, looking more perplexed than upset.

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Am I…” Bucky trailed off, looking like he was counting in his head. He laughed softly at himself. “This is gonna sounds nuts, but… Am I missing a holiday?”

Steve arched an eyebrow at him. “You mean Thanksgiving? You were here for Thanksgiving.”

“No…” Bucky rolled his eyes at him. “I remember Thanksgiving, punk. It was just last week…” He trailed off again, chewing at his lip as he thought. Steve took an encouraging sip of his coffee. “But isn’t there something else? It feels like we used to celebrate something extra special this time of year.”

Steve inhaled his coffee, choking and spluttering and sending liquid spraying everywhere. Bucky came over and pounded him not-at-all-helpfully on the back as Steve tried to catch his breath.

“What?” he gasped when he could breathe again, a little grateful that the choked sound of his voice would maybe hide the fact that he couldn’t lie for shit. “I think you’re thinking of Christmas, Buck?”

“Definitely not Christmas,” Bucky told him, apparently believing Steve. He grinned fondly. “I definitely remember our Christmasses growing up. You and your ma would come over for dinner, and you, me, and Becca would have a snowball fight outside.” He shook his head again. “This was something else. Something… more special. Seemed like you, me and your ma would always celebrate together, although that can’t be quite right, can it?”

Steve stared intently at his coffee mug. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

Bucky didn’t seem phased, shrugging instead. “That’s okay,” he said, apparently misinterpreting Steve’s quietness as feeling maudlin about Bucky’s messed up brain. He patted Steve on the shoulder before collecting the plates he’d made up for himself and Tony. “See ya later,” he said, before hesitating in the doorway. “Don’t worry, Stevie,” he added reassuringly, and if Steve hadn’t been staring at his coffee so that his face didn’t give anything away, he might have noticed the glint in Bucky’s eyes. “I’m sure it’ll come back to me.”

As soon as the elevator had dinged, Steve collapsed against the table with a faint moan. Somehow, in all the time that Bucky had been back, it hadn’t actually occurred to him that of course his real birthday would be buried somewhere in his psyche. He was glad that Bucky was recovering more and more of his memories, of course he was. Just… Did it have to be this memory in particular?

***

Upstairs, Bucky rushed into the bedroom where Tony was sprawled across the bed, watching the live feed of the common area kitchen that JARVIS was projecting on the wall. “What’s he doing?” he asked, bouncing on the bed and leaning over to kiss the top of Tony’s head, beaming when Tony pressed into the touch a few seconds longer than necessary. “Anything good?”

Tony tilted his head as he eyed the stream, lips twitching into a grin. “He’s just been lying there with his face squished into the table,” he said. “I think he might be muttering ‘why me?’ over and over.” He giggled, making grabby hands for the plate of food. “I’d almost feel bad for him, if it wasn’t so hysterical,” he added around a mouthful of bacon.

“Don’t,” Bucky told him cheerfully. “Steve deserves this. One time for his birthday, he decided he absolutely had to try gin for the first time. Long story short, we nearly ended up in prison because of that little punk. He deserves this.”

Tony blinked at him. “Okay, no. You can’t ‘long story short’ that. How even?”

Bucky just shook his head. “Trust me, babe. You do not want to know.”

“If you say so,” he said with a shrug, stealing a slice of bacon from Bucky’s plate this time.

“Hey!” Bucky protested, trying to grab it back and missing when Tony shoved the entire slice in his mouth at once, stuffing his cheeks like a chipmunk. “Whatcha stealin’ my bacon for? You’ve got a whole plate of your own.”

“I know,” Tony answered, voice muffled as he crunched. He carefully slid his own plate to his far side, in case Bucky felt the need for retaliation. “But I’m gonna eat all mine, and yours might be gone by then, so I figured I’d eat yours first!” He smiled cheekily at Bucky, like that was actual logic, and Bucky had no choice but to tackle him to the mattress, pinning him down so he could ruck his shirt up and blow a raspberry above his belly button. “Oh my god,” Tony shrieked, giggling at the sensation. “What the fuck’s the matter with you? Are you six?”

“That’s what you get for stealing my bacon,” Bucky retorted, letting Tony up because he was actually hungry.

“Yeah, I’d like to steal your bacon,” Tony muttered, in a voice that implied it was supposed to be an innuendo, but Bucky just snorted into his scrambled eggs.

“You’re ridiculous,” he informed him.

“Yeah,” Tony admitted cheerfully, digging in. “But I’m your ridiculous.”

It didn’t make any goddamn sense at all, but Bucky couldn’t help beaming at him anyway, nudging up close against him until their shoulders were brushing. “Yeah, baby. You are.”

***

A few days later, Tony stepped off the elevator into the penthouse to find Bucky sprawled across the couch, watching a random action movie on the television. Tony beamed at the sight him, his smile growing even larger when Bucky spotted him and returned it in kind.

“Hey honey.” Tony yawned and then scrunched up his face, brushing a hand through his hair to shake the snow out of it. “‘s snowing,” he added unnecessarily.

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “I can see that.” He watched as Tony peeled off his suit jacket, revealing the band t-shirt underneath before he moved over to the couch, flopping down with his head on Bucky’s lap. Bucky settled his hands on Tony’s head, carding his fingers through the thick curls until Tony was humming. “Long morning, baby?”

“Dumb morning,” Tony grumbled. “I hate paperwork.” He stretched his legs out on the couch, kicking his shoes off. Despite being a billionaire, he had a hole in his sock, and Bucky snorted at the sight of his big toe sticking out through the black cotton. “You laughin at me?” Tony asked Bucky’s thigh. “So rude. What a terrible boyfriend.”

Bucky could hear the smile in his voice and rolled his eyes, watching Tony’s toes curl as he scratched over a particularly good spot. “Yup, life is really hard for you, huh? You should probably leave me.”

“Never,” Tony declared, rolling onto his back so he could look up at Bucky, giving him a dopey smile. “You still going to the movies with Steve tonight?”

Bucky nodded, brushing a stray curl back from Tony’s forehead. “Yep. He’s pickin’ me up here around six.” He grinned then, eyes sparking. “‘s been a few days since I mentioned my missing holiday, so I think I’m gonna be in the mood to bake a cake.”

“Niiice,” Tony crowed. “I like it.”

“How about you, baby? Still got that thing this afternoon?”

“I mean... technically yes, but it is snowing...” Tony yawned again, snuggling in tighter against him. “Might be safer to stay home, you know, just in case.”

Bucky could have made fun of him for Iron Man being afraid of some snow, but instead he just cheered. “Yeahhh. Snow day, sweetheart. Stay here all cozy with me, we can watch this dumb movie together, and then I’ll make us some lunch.”

“Well...” Tony snuggled in closer to Bucky, all but purring when the other man grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and covered him up in it. “If you insist.”

By the time Steve arrived to pick up Bucky, they had eaten and shared a nap and a very distracting shower. Steve stepped off the elevator to the familiar sounds of their good-natured bickering, which he followed to the kitchen. He found Bucky in boxer briefs and an apron, baking while Tony lounged in a kitchen chair, balancing it on two feet with his feet up on the table and offering completely unhelpful suggestions.

“Oh, hey Cap,” he drawled when Steve wandered into the room, eyeing him with a slightly mischievous glint to his eyes. “Fancy meeting you here. Come on in, have a drink.”

Bucky jolted at the sound of Steve’s name, spinning to stare at him and then blinking back and forth between Steve and the clock on the stove.

“Shit!” he said, wiping a streak of flour across his cheek. “Is that the time already?” He tossed a tea towel at Tony, the fabric landing perfectly over his face. “Tony! You were supposed to tell me when it was time for me to stop and get ready!”

“I know, honey, but you just looked so happy there cooking up a storm.” Tony blinked at him, all faux wide-eyed innocence. “Plus your ass looks real cute in that apron. I couldn’t stand to interrupt you.”

Steve snorted at him. “It’s no big deal,” he promised, helping himself to a glass of water before settling into the seat opposite Tony. “We can always catch the late movie.”

“Ohoho,” Tony said, winking at him. “I’m on to you, Rogers. You’re just hoping Bucky Bear here’ll share.”

“I mean...” Steve shrugged unashamedly, grinning back at him. “I certainly wouldn’t turn it down. Whatcha making anyway, Buck?”

“Umm.” Bucky paused them, staring down at the mixing bowl with a slightly vacant expression, and if Steve had been looking, he would have noticed Tony’s lips twitching before he was suddenly fascinated by something on his tablet. “A cake?” he offered, and Steve tilted his head in confusion.

“You don’t know what you’re making?”

Bucky shrugged, apparently not bothered. “I dunno. Something about the snow, and the wind, and New York this time of year got me in a certain mood, and I just started throwing ingredients together.” He started mixing again, humming some big band music under his breath. “It’s got oranges in it,” he added, after a minute.

Tony, watching Steve surreptitiously over the top of his tablet, noticed the way he went completely still. “Oranges?” he repeated, just a touch too casually. “That sounds good.”

“Yup,” Bucky agreed, popping the p. “Some kind of orange cake.” He stopped then, turning to face Steve. “Hey, wait! That sounds familiar. Did we used to have this when we were kids?”

“Uhh...”

Tony had to drop his tablet under the table so that Steve wouldn’t see him laughing; dear lord, he was a terrible liar.

“We didn’t have oranges a lot growing up, Buck,” Steve pointed out, not quite answering the question.

“No, no, that’s right. I know,” Bucky waved him off, and Steve relaxed a little. “Oh, but was it a special occasion cake?” Bucky burst out, just as Steve was taking a sip of his water. “For a party or somethin’?”

Steve choked on his water, spluttering and coughing, and Tony crawled out from under the table to smack him on the back a couple times.

“Jeez, Stevie,” Bucky drawled when he’d caught his breath again. “You alright?”

“Yup,” Steve choked out, voice a little hoarse. “Yup, I’m fine. But, uh... I just remembered. The late movie is... sold out. Yup. So we should probably get going if we want to get tickets for tonight.”

Bucky glanced at the cake mix and shrugged, tugging off his apron and sticking the mixing bowl into the fridge. “Cake’ll keep, I guess.” He pointed at Tony with his mixing spoon. “Don’t eat all the batter before I get back,” he threatened, busting into a smile when Tony just fluttered his eyelashes at him in his best ‘who, me?’ expression.

Tony just waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve got to go downstairs and finish some stuff for Pep anyway,” he promised, giving Bucky a kiss on the cheek. “Have fun tonight, and stay out of trouble.” He paused on his way to the elevator, watching Bucky root around for his wallet and keys. “And don’t forget to put on pants, baby!”

***

The closer they came to the day of his actual birthday, the more twitchy Steve got. He was constantly on edge, waiting for the moment when everything would come back to Bucky in a rush when he would make a big birthday announcement and give him away to everyone. But that moment never came, and Bucky stopped mentioning things about missing holidays.

He was two days out from his actual birthday, and just beginning to relax a little. He was sprawled across a couch in the common room, watching a movie with Nat and Sam, when Bucky came into the room.

“Oh, hey Stevie! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Steve looked over at him expectantly, and his eyes widened when he saw the envelope he was brandishing in his hand, the size and shape of a birthday card. Bucky waved it in the air.

“This is-”

Steve panicked completely, and before Bucky could get more than two words out Steve was launching himself at him with a terrifyingly accurate rendition of an Asgardian battle cry. Bucky yelped in surprise as Steve flew through the air at him, knocking him to the ground.

“Stevie, what the fuck?” Bucky managed to get out, planting his feet firmly against Steve’s chest to kick him off.

Not to be deterred, Steve jumped on him again, wrestling Bucky right out of the room and not stopping until they were a safe distance from Nat and Sam. Bucky gave as good as he got, and they were both breathing hard when he let up.

“Hey Stevie?” Bucky asked, leaning against the wall, hand against his chest as he caught his breath. “Full offence, but what the actual fuck?”

“Umm...” Steve gave him a hopeful smile. “What’s in the envelope, Buck?”

“There’s something wrong with you,” Bucky muttered, which Steve had to admit was probably fair. He shoved the envelope at him. “Here. Tony asked me to drop that off. It’s the specs for the new tac gear you two were talking about.”

Steve blinked at the envelope. “It’s not a card?” he asked blankly, and Bucky stared at him like he had three heads.

“What the fuck would I be giving you a card for, you dumb punk?” He hauled himself to his feet. “Freak,” he muttered, limping his way toward the elevator. Steve winced; that thigh kick had probably been unnecessarily hard.

***

Tony was waiting for Bucky when he stepped off the elevator onto the penthouse, and he burst out laughing at the sight of him. “Oh my god, honey, that was perfect,” Tony told him, wiping tears from his eyes. “JARVIS showed me the whole thing. I think he would have thrown you out the window to keep you from giving him a birthday card in front of Nat and Sam.” He beamed at Bucky. “I liked the limp on your way out, by the way. That was a nice touch.”

Bucky winced, rubbing at his leg. “Not an act,” he bit out. “Wasn’t an act. Fuck that idiot can kick hard.”

“Oh shit,” Tony’s smile dropped, mirroring Bucky’s wince as he moved over to him. “You alright?”

“I think he broke my thigh bone,” Bucky grumped. “Nah, I’m alright. It hurts like a bitch, but give it an hour or two and I’ll be fine.” He was still frowning though. “We got any frozen peas or somethin?”

Tony gave him a dry look. “Do I like like the kind of person who keeps frozen peas on hand?” he asked, huffing out a soft laugh at Bucky’s pout. “Luckily, I do have plenty of ice for my fully stocked wet bar,” he told him with an unnecessarily ridiculous wink. “Here, you go get comfy on the bed, I’ll bring you some ice for your leg.”

Bucky nodded and headed off, yelping when Tony gave him a swat on the ass on his way by. “You gonna stay with me?” he asked hopefully.

“I suppose that can be arranged,” Tony called after him. “I’ve gotta make a call to Tokyo in a few hours, but nothing urgent before then. I can hang around till then. See if I can’t help you... feel better.”

Bucky grinned, pleased, as he stripped down to his boxer briefs. There was a huge bruise on his outer thigh, a sick looking dark purple, and he examined it in the mirror, pressing on it a couple times and wincing at the pain.

“Don’t poke it!” Tony protested, coming in behind him. “Honestly, what’s wrong with you?” He gave Bucky a shove that was mostly ineffective, but was enough to get Bucky to crawl carefully onto the bed, stretching out on his back with a low groan. Tony tossed him the ice pack, and Bucky applied it to the bruise, hissing at the touch of cold.

“Such a baby,” Tony told him affectionately, stripping out of his own clothes to join Bucky on the bed. “Hey, you know what I’ve heard is the best cure for super solider-induced bruises?”

Bucky rolled his head to face him with an arched brow. “What’s that?”

Tony smirked at him. “Orgasms.”

***

Though he’d caught a couple strange looks from him, Bucky thankfully hadn’t mentioned the Incident again. There’d also been no further hints of Bucky suddenly remembering that Steve was the biggest fraud in the universe. Steve had spent the next couple days feeling sheepish (Bucky was his oldest friend. He should be grateful he was getting his memory back) before accepting that this particular memory had fluttered away from him, and Steve was probably safe - at least until the next fourth of July, but that was future Steve’s problem.

On the day of his actual birthday, Steve woke with a now familiar pit of anxiety in the bottom of his stomach, which he quickly shoved aside. Everything was fine, Bucky hadn’t remembered, and he wasn’t going to get caught out. And, provided there were no last minute supervillain attacks, he could spend the day like he always spent his birthday: a little quieter than usual, and with no recognition beyond the little cake he’d bought himself (already sitting in the fridge) and the couple of hours he’d carve out by himself (usually accompanied by masturbation jokes from Clint and Tony, but that was fine) to think back on the last year and everything he’d accomplished and how he could do better.

And then, because that sounded sad and lonely enough to make Steve wince even in his head, movie night with hopefully everyone, but at the very least Tony and Bucky and Sam. A little quiet, but all-in-all a pretty perfect day.

Which was why he couldn’t help being disappointed when Tony tracked him down to the library later that morning, apologies written all over his face. “Hey, Cap. Do you mind if we rain check movie night?”

Steve blinked at him a minute before forcing a (he hoped) somewhat natural smile to his face. “Uh, yeah, sure,” he said. “Of course. Anything I should know about?”

Tony waved a hand, looking like his mind was somewhere else entirely. “Just the usual comedy of fucking errors. Sam’s feeling under the weather, I guess, and Buckster won tickets to a show or something on a radio contest, of all things. I know,” he added, apparently misinterpreting the look on Steve’s face. “Who the fuck even listens to radio these days, and what’s he doing trying to win radio contests when I could just buy him tickets to whatever he wants to see.”

“That’s not actually what I was going to say,” Steve said, smiling despite himself. Tony just shrugged and winked at him.

“Anyway. Next week work for you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve assured him, turning back to his book. “Have fun at your thing tonight. Try not to get caught fooling around in the bathroom this time.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at him. “That was one time!” he protested, eyes crinkling as he laughed. He headed for the door and then paused, looking back over his shoulder at him. “Hey, you’re sure you don’t mind?” he asked, more serious now.

“Yes,” Steve told him. “It’s totally fine, I promise.”

And it was fine, really. There were certainly far worse ways to spend his birthday. He’d spent a good seventy plus birthdays in a frozen ice coma, for instance. Those had probably been way less fun than hanging around here. (Although he couldn’t actually remember, so who knew? Maybe some polar bears had shown up with party hats.) At any rate, this was certainly better than the alternative of having them figure out he’d been lying about his birthday for the past few years.

And so maybe there was a tiny part of Steve that couldn’t help wishing Bucky had remembered because even if it would be embarrassing as hell, it would be nice to have someone know what today was. Sure, he got to celebrate on the fourth of July, and in the end it was just a day and it didn’t really matter. But the fourth of July was a big day for everyone, and his birthday always got tied in with that until he didn’t even really know which part they were actually celebrating, and maybe it was just from his mother always telling him that his birthday was a special day just for him, but celebrating on the fourth always felt just a little empty.

***

Bucky hummed to himself as he moved through the aisles of the party store, blatantly ignoring the huffy sighs that were coming from behind him at regular intervals.

“Remind me again why I’m here helping you shop for party supplies?” Sam finally said when Bucky continued to ignore his attempts at telegraphing how unimpressed he was.

“Because Tony’s doing the food and cake,” Bucky replied, like it was obvious. He was considering two different sets of balloons, and didn’t see the way Sam threw up his hands because that meant nothing to him.

“I’m s’posed to be eating pizza and watching movies right now,” he groused. “Why am I cancelling on Steve?”

“He thinks you’re sick.”

Sam blinked at the back of Bucky’s head. “Why does he think I’m sick?”

“Because that’s what we told him.” Bucky turned abruptly with a pleasant smile, apparently not at all surprised to find Sam three inches from the back of his head, and thrust a package of balloons at him. “Here. See if you can find more of these in the next aisle.”

Sam sighed wearily. “And why are we buying orange balloons for a party in early December?” he asked, not looking like he expected an answer that made any sense.

“Because that’s Steve’s favourite colour.”

“Oh, right. Of course,” Sam grumbled, following along behind him as Bucky headed for the streamers. “Wait, I thought Steve’s favourite colour was red.”

Bucky gave him a shit-eating grin. “Nah. That’s just what the powers that be want you to think. ‘s more patriotic. But he couldn’t even see red growing up. His favourite colour is orange.”

Sam didn’t bother asking why the balloons had to be in Steve’s favourite colour.

***

“Okay, but really,” Sam said as he took the bowls of chips Bucky had handed him and set them out on the table. He glanced around the common area, messily decorated in orange and silver streamers and balloons with a Captain America piñata that clashed horribly with everything else. “Why am I cancelling on Steve? I’m right here!”

Bucky was saved answering by the arrival of all the other avengers (minus Steve) in the elevator, Tony herding them into the room like an over-excited border collie, a maniacal grin on his face.

“That’s not concerning at all,” Clint mumbled on his way by, Bruce snorting in agreement.

Tony sidled up to Bucky, beaming as he eyed the decorations. They may have gotten a little over enthusiastic with the balloons. “Nice job, babe,” he preened, giving Bucky a kiss that earned them groans and protests and threats of leaving from the other avengers. “No, no, don’t go!” Tony said, pulling himself free of his boyfriend. “We’ve gathered you all here for a very special announcement.” He looked to Bucky. “Honey, would you like to do the honours?”

Bucky rolled his eyes at Tony’s dramatics, even while he couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “We’re, uh... pranking Steve. So you know... Everybody duck, and when Steve comes in we’ll all yell ‘surprise!’”

Everyone blinked at them.

“Uhhh... You know I love a good prank as much as anybody,” Clint started. “But this seems a little weak.”

“Seriously?” Sam added. “This is what you had me skipping movie night and going shopping for?”

Bucky grinned at him. “Trust me. It’s worth it.”

The response was lukewarm, and met with a fair share of grumbling, but there was cake on offer, so they managed to get everyone hidden around the room. Bucky and Tony claimed a spot behind one of the couches, crouching down behind the cushy fabric, Tony giggling as they waited for Jarvis to send Steve down.

“Shhh,” Bucky whispered, pulling Tony in and kissing his temple because how could he resist. “You’re gonna give us away.”

“Sorry,” Tony whispered back, smothering another giggle into his sleeve. “I’m just picturing the look on Steve’s face.”

At that moment the elevator dinged, door opening and emptying Steve into the room. “Um,” he said, footsteps a little tentative as he took in the dark space. “Nat? Jarvis said you needed me for something?” He heaved a sigh, scratching at the back of his head. “Said it was urgent?”

Their execution was less than perfect, with Tony jumping up a split second before anybody else and the word ‘surprise’ coming out as more of a question from everyone, and the lights turning on somewhere in the middle of all the noise. But Steve didn’t seem to notice. He stared at them all, jaw dropping open and face going so white that Bucky was briefly concerned that he might actually pass out. His mouth opened and shut a few times, unable to actually form words, and then,

“Oh, fuck me.”

The maniacal grin on Tony’s face faltered slightly, and Bucky shifted a half step toward him. “Stevie? Buddy? You okay?”

Steve waved him off, collapsing into a chair with a groan and hiding his face in his hands. “How long’ve you known?” he asked wearily, rolling his eyes when their grins returned full force.

“Couple weeks,” Tony told him cheerily. “Since Bucky casually mentioned that we should get started on planning something for the day.”

“Okay, wait,” Clint said, looking back and forth between the three of them. “What the hell is going on right now?”

He seemed to be speaking for the group and Steve stared at them with wide eyes before whipping his head back around to Tony and Bucky. “You didn’t tell them??”

“Tell us what?” Sam asked as Bucky’s grin turned a little evil.

“We thought we’d leave the honours up to you, punk.”

Steve glared at the two of them, but Bucky just beamed back, wrapping an arm around Tony’s shoulder and whispering something into his ear that had Tony laughing. He rolled his eyes before figuring what the fuck and turning to everyone else.

“Today is my birthday,” he announced, before being met with blank stares all around. He sighed and threw up his arms. “My birthday’s not the fourth of July. Never was. So. Surprise back, I guess?”

Bucky snorted loudly at that, and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

“Okay,” Sam said, looking back and forth between Steve and Bucky. “Lemme get this straight. You’re saying that your birthday is today?”

“Yep.”

“And all these years we’ve been celebrating on the fourth of July instead?”

“Yep.”

“I... How?”

Steve shrugged helplessly. “Propaganda, I guess?”

Sam stared at him, the corners of his lips starting to twitch. “And all this time, you just let us go on thinking the the fourth really was your birthday?”

“Also yep.”

He wasn’t sure who started it, but then the entire team was laughing at him, and surprisingly... It wasn’t as bad as Steve had expected. It was all good-natured ribbing, and instead of feeling humiliated, he couldn’t help feeling accepted instead - especially when Sam cuffed him on the shoulder with an affectionate “only you, man.” Steve couldn’t help laughing too, after that, because really the entire situation was ridiculous.

And after, when everyone had calmed down, there was his favourite cake, and his favourite snacks, and his favourite soda, and balloons in his favourite colour. Everyone was having a good time, and there were stupid party games that nobody won because they kept ending laughing too hard to finish, and he got to crack a poorly rendered piñata of himself in half which was weirdly cathartic. And best of all, it was just them. No fireworks, no extravagance, just his best friends - his team - and everything that he would have asked for from a birthday party.

And when he apologized for letting them go all out for his parties in the past, and Tony told him not to be ridiculous, that they’d still be having those parties, but from now on the fourth of July was Cap’s birthday, and the third of December was reserved solely for Steve? Well, Steve felt warm right through.

... Didn’t mean Bucky and Tony weren’t gonna get payback in the worst way though.

@tonystarkbingo @winterironbingo

#winteriron #steve rogers #tony stark #bucky barnes #bucky barnes is a troll #tony stark is a troll #avengers as family #fluff #schmoop #domestic fluff #domestic avengers #sam wilson #clint barton #fic #my fic

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inkskinned · 6 years

Text

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-.

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound.

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression.

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost.

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

#anyway

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uniqueimagines · 5 years

Text

Guessing Game pt.1

Paring: Fangs x Reader

Requested: No

Description: Family troubles leads you to staying over with Fangs. You two finally decide to make it official and none of your friends have a clue that the two of you are together. When Fangs posts a photo of you under the covers in his bed everyone decided to try and guess and make bets on who it is.

Warnings: Mentions of parents fighting and anxiety.

Word count: 1,197

Series Part Links: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

______________________________________________________________

*Can I come over? They are fighting again… -Y/N* *Of course. Key is under the mat. -Fangs* You pull a sweater on over your tank top and it falls below your spandex shorts. You pull on your sneakers before quietly sneaking out of your room. You slowly creep past your parents room as they continue to scream and fight. Creeping out the trailer you quietly jog over to Fangs trailer and head inside. Fangs is laying on his back with no covers on in just his boxers. When you open the bedroom door his eyes flutter open and he gives you a small smile as you kick off your shoes and sweater throwing your phone on the bedside table beside his. You crawl over the bed and lay over his body as he wraps his arms around you and pulling the cover over the both of you.

Fangs wakes up around 9am the next morning and takes a quick shower. It was Saturday and neither of you had plans until later that evening so when he walked back into the room and you were still asleep be didn’t bother to wake you. Fangs grabs his phone and chuckles quietly to himself snapping a quick photo. He can’t stop smiling as he looks down at you in the bed, you had buried yourself in the blankets with only your feet sticking out. You and Fangs have not yet became official but you had been sneaking over to his trailer nearly every night for two weeks. You haven't had sex but you have made out and it is clear to both of you that it is more than him helping you escape the fighting.

You wake up shortly after Fangs leaves the room when your trailer two doors down has its door slammed. You groan and shuffle to the living room curling up on the couch and laying your head on Fangs lap. Fangs had heard the door as well and both of it knew it was likely your dad storming off. “Y/N… Do you care if I post this on Instagram?” Fangs shows you his drafted post of you curled up with your feet sticking out and the caption *How she sleeps when I leave the bed* You can’t help but smile and blush a little, “That’s fine just don’t tag me please. Just not until we have a chance to tell Toni, Jug and Sweet Pea together, okay?” Fangs nods and publishes the post before turning on the tv.

The photo showed so little of you there was no way that anyone would be able to easily tell it was you. Fangs turned his phone on silent shortly after posting the photo as you fell asleep after taking some advil for a headache. Your parents fighting had escalated so much in the last few nights that between that and working overtime at the bar you hadn’t been sleeping much and the little sleep you got wasn’t great. Fangs watched some quiet tv as you took a couple hour nap. You wake up and Fangs makes the two of you some spaghetti for lunch. When it is finished he puts the plates on the table and sits across from you. “Can I ask you something? Well really two somethings…” Fangs looks across the table at you as you push your noodles around to cover them in sauce. “Of course you can. Whats up?” You look up at him putting the fork down which causes Fangs to give you a worried look. He had seen you in your most anxious times and you always struggle to eat, if not prompted can go a few days without a single real meal. You give him a small smile and pick up your fork taking a bite to please him.

Fans smiles happily before asking, “Well first, you talked about telling Toni and Sweets and Jug… Does that mean we are officially together?” You look up at Fangs seeing his hopeful look and can’t hold back a small giggle, “Don’t be silly, Fangs. Of course we are.” You take another small bite of spaghetti as Fangs bites his lip before asking, “Would you like to move in with me… I know that it’s really early and everything but you spend most nights here anyways and… and I know it’s hard with your parents and…” “Fangs.” You interrupt him and he looks up as you have a gleaming smile on your face, “I would love to move in with you.”

You pick at your plate eating most of it before pushing the last couple bites around. Fangs eats and can’t wipe the giddy grin off his face the whole time. As he finishes eating you are still pushing the last bit of your food around your plate. Fangs takes the plate happy you had ate anything, “I have to leave for work in just over an hour okay?” You nod and follow Fangs to the bedroom so he can get dressed. You sit on the bed as Fangs pulls off the shirt he was wearing and pushes his pj pants to the floor. You stand and run in front of Fangs stopping him before he can grab clothes to put on. You press your hands to Fangs bare chest and look up as he smiles and holds your hips.

You push Fangs back so he sits on the bed looking up at you. You climb onto his lap straddling him as you press your lips to his. Fangs kisses you back gripping your hips firmly. You groan and pull away as your phone buzzes several times on the bed beside you. You roll off Fangs and he begins getting dressed. You look at your phone seeing Toni had texted you multiple messages asking about who Fangs was seeing. “Can I see your phone? I wanna check if anyone commented on the post from earlier.” Fangs reaches into his pj pants pockets and hands you his phone. You had your fingerprint saved so you unlock his phone and go to the post.

When you get to the post it is a huge spam off comments. Sweet Pea committed asking, “Show a little more leg and I’m sure I could guess who she is.” Toni asked, “Since when? I better not be the last to know or I am kicking your ass.” Betty asked, “Is it that girl you had chem with senior year?” Jughead commented, “Congrats to you and your girl.” Archie tagged Sweet Pea and Toni saying, “I bet I can guess it before you both. 20 bucks?” You roll your eyes, “So they nearly all our close friends are trying to bet on who’s in the photo and some people are betting on who can guess first if you show them more of me.” Fangs turns to you asking, “Wanna play into it or just tell them?” You giggle and stand giving him a quick kiss, “I could use a little fun and entertainment. Juggie was nice so I wanna tell him but other than that...A new post each day until someone gets it?” Fangs kisses your forehead, “Love it.”

Masterlist

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iplaydrake · 5 years

Text

FULL CIRCLE - CHAPTER 5 - DRUNK HIM CAN’T GET OVER HER

Catch Up Here :

CHAPTER 4 - WE’RE BROKE... SEND HELP!

Author’s Note : This story is gonna get a little dark. Talk of Suicide, Assault (both physical and sexual), Gun Violence, Blood, Swearing. Please read with caution. Positive feedback, constructive criticism, and reblogging are always welcome. I own nothing except the storyline of my MC. Everything else belongs to Pixelberry. I also don't own Tiffany’s or Berta Bridal (just putting it out there!)

Pairing : (Eventually) Drake x MC

Tag List : @likethetailofacomet @carabeth @rhymesmenagerie @speedyoperarascalparty @butindeed @wannabemc2 @client-327 @jovialyouthmusic @be-still-my-aching-heart @riseandshinelittleblossom @lodberg @drakesensworld @alj4890 @rainbowsinthestorm @ao719 @andy-loves-corgis @drakewalkerisreal @whenyourheartskipsabeat @furiousherringoperatortoad @silentcoyotesong @choicesmacmakes @ladyangel70 @lady-alex-keith

*** FLASHBACK – 2 WEEKS BEFORE SWEET 16 ***

The door to her limo opened and she immediately spotted him, leaning against the archway of her Estate with a smile on his face. She couldn’t help it as she ran and jumped into his waiting arms, hugging him tight as he lifted her off the ground.

“Hey, Duck! How was Paris?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed at her nickname as he lowered her down. “Drake, it was unbelievable!”

He smiled and grabbed her hand, walking himself backwards. “You wanna go have lunch and tell me all about it?” She smiled back at him and allowed him to lead her away to their spot.

He'd found her there a few months before, upset over a comment Madeline had made and without even thinking, he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried. Slowly, and without either realizing it, they’d found their way back there more and more, spending any extra time they had together, an unspoken claim that it had become theirs. They’d sit for hours on end, whether it was talking about everything and nothing all at once, or just enjoying a companionable silence, each doing their own thing, but still together.

They had somehow managed to become each other’s best friend, confiding in each other things they were afraid to tell others, including their friendship. For Drake, she was the only girl who had ever accepted him for him; not even Kiara had made him feel like he was good enough to be in the company of the nobles at court. But to Remi, the fact that he was a commoner had meant nothing and it had allowed him to see her in a completely different light instead of just being Maxwell’s little sister.

It was no secret that she was head over heels for him, but because she was younger, Drake had always been careful to keep her at arm’s length, never going further than a hug or a kiss on her cheek. She’d brought it up to him once, asking if he ever thought that one day, there was a chance for them to be together. After a few tense moments for Remi, he had finally admitted that he’d been thinking about it more and more. From then on, it'd become a regular part of their conversations and he'd even gone so far as to tell her that the minute she turned 18, he’d be her very first kiss.

And there they sat, on a blanket under the trees near the riverbank; Remi with her legs stretched out and Drake laying flat with his head resting in her lap. She couldn't help but play with his shaggy hair as they talked, both completely relaxed after eating what he had prepared for them.

“But I thought this trip was supposed to be so you and your dad could spend some time together. You didn’t see him at all?”

“No… He was just really busy I guess with business meetings and stuff. It was still an amazing trip! I walked along the Seine, saw the Eiffel Tower, went shopping…”

Drake looked upside down at her, his head still in her lap. “By yourself?”

“Yeah… But oh my goodness, I walked past this store and I saw this bracelet... Oh Drake, it was so pretty! But I guess it was too much money for just plain silver, at least that’s was he said… I’m hoping they’ll surprise me with it for my birthday, though!”

He closed his eyes, and smiled at her excitement, “I’m sure they will, Duck.” before slowly drifting off to sleep as Remi continued stroking his hair.

*** END FLASHBACK ***

Remi stared at the bracelet in her hand as the memory slowly faded. She'd recognized it immediately and couldn't help but wonder how he'd managed it. She was still crying as she linked it around her wrist, letting it come to rest over her tattoo, and it was almost as if the significance of each slowly began to heal the other. She slid off the counter and made her way back to her room, the weight of the entire day suddenly overwhelming her.

*****

As soon as Drake put his truck in park, he opened the bottle of whiskey he'd taken from Ramsford. He was reeling after his conversation with Remi. His hope was to numb the pain he felt as the image of her crying to him replayed in his head over and over. 'Just tell me why, Drake... Why would you do that to me?... Why would you make me believe-... Did I mean nothing to you?' After finishing the bottle and realizing the pain was still there, he slowly slid out of his truck and stumbled towards the entrance of the palace.

As he made his way through the halls, the anger and sadness overtook him all at once and after making it to his room, he immediately stepped to the bar cart and picked up a glass, throwing it against the wall. He picked up another and soon he was throwing anything he could find across the room, cursing Kiara and Madeline with each one.

As Liam made his way to his quarters, he heard the sounds of screaming and things being broken and he immediately took off in a run down the hall. He skidded to a stop in front of the doorway to Drake's room, seeing Bastien already inside trying to console a clearly drunk, teary-eyed Drake.

"You should have seen the way she looked at me... She thought it was me. She thought I... I would have never..."

"Shhh... It's okay... She's been through a lot. You can fix it. You just have to explain what happened and-"

"She was my best friend... How could she think-?... Bastien, I loved her..." Liam's eyes went wide as he heard Drake's admission. He watched his best friend break down fully in tears, as Bastien gently and slowly led him to the bed, Drake not putting up a fight at all.

"I know... I know, son."

"I love her and she left me... She was the one, Bas... She was the only one."

Bastien slowly lowered him down before turning to see Liam in the doorway, a confused look on his face. Liam waited to see if Bastien would explain what he'd walked in on.

"It's not my place, Your Highness." Liam nodded his head in understanding and watched Bastien walk out and down the hall back to his post. He turned back to see Drake draped across his bed, already asleep and snoring softly, and he couldn't help but wonder if he hadn’t been the only one hiding his relationship with Remi.

*****

Early the next morning, everyone made their way to the palace for the start of the social season. The first event was that night and it was a ball to formally introduce all the suitors for Liam. Remi slowly walked the halls reading and responding to Liam's messages that they had been sending back and forth since she'd left Ramsford.

Remi double checked the time and took off in a sprint towards the boutique. After a long appointment, she'd finally found the perfect dress but she found herself beginning to feel sick as she tried to mentally prepare herself for the evening ahead. She made her way out of the palace and walked through the garden's maze to the center where a simple swing hung from an old tree. She sat, taking some time to herself before the chaos began.

“Hey Beautiful!” She turned to see Liam walking towards her. She couldn't help her smile as he walked up behind her and grabbed the ropes of the swing, slowly pushing her back and forth. “Did you get a dress?”

“Yes. Thank you again so much. You didn't have to do that.” Liam leaned forward and kissed her temple before speaking. “I wanted to. So...” He hesitated, unsure how to broach the topic with her. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something. Drake as a matter of fact.” She felt nervous all over again but stayed silent as she waited for him to continue. “I'm assuming that he finally was able to talk to you after I left yesterday.”

She turned to look at him. “What makes you say that? I mean, we did but...”

“I don't know, maybe the fact that he was completely drunk and upset and said some things...” Remi's eyes widened and Liam caught the look of surprise on her face.

She was hesitant to, but after a few moments, she finally spoke. “There's so much about me and Drake that you don't know, Li... That no one knows.” He looked down at her waiting for her to continue. She nodded as she took a deep breath and sighed. “A few months before my birthday, we started hanging out more, by ourselves. I mean, every extra moment we had, we spent it together, talking about everything and anything. He'd tell me that we just had to wait until I turned 18. Once I turned 18, we were gonna be together. I honestly thought I was gonna marry him, Li... Ugh, and then my fucking birthday happened and... Well, let's just say it was implied that he was involved. I guess with everything that happened that night and the fact that he didn't come for me at all, I believed it... So I've spent the last 6 years hating him. Last night, he wanted to talk and I... I called him out on it and he- I don't know, Liam... I want to believe him but I just..."

He moved in front of her, crouching down to get her to look at him. “Remi, even if I hadn't known Drake all my life, after seeing how he was last night there's no way I would believe he had anything to do with hurting you... And I think you know it too.” Remi didn't say anything as she let Liam's words sink in. Deep down, she knew he wouldn't have hurt her, much less let anyone else hurt her. “Listen, it would be so easy for me not to say anything about this and maybe see what you and I could be. I mean, we've been talking for the last 6 years and I'd be lying if I said that, after all this time, there's not SOME feelings there, at least on my end because there are, Rem. There are definitely feelings and I'm not even sure exactly what they are, but Drake is my best friend and I know that the way he was last night, he's still upset over you.”

Remi looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “Liam, I... I don't know what I feel for him anymore, but I do know that I have feelings for you too. I just... I had no intention of ever figuring out what they meant. All I know is that I would never want to hurt you.”

He grabbed her hand and helped her to stand. He put his hand to her chin and slowly leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. She was caught off guard for a split second before completely giving in to him. They got lost in each other for another moment before he pulled back, his hands falling down to hold hers.

“Remington, I'm here for you no matter what, but only you can decide what is best for you. I think you need to talk to Drake before you do, though. If you talk to him and feel nothing? Hey, great for me!” He smiled at her before continuing “But you guys clearly have some unresolved issues and it's not fair for any of us for you to make a decision without having all of the facts. It may change the way you're feeling now..." He glanced down at his watch, "I, uh, I should probably head inside and start preparing for tonight... Just think about what I said, okay?” He walked past her, holding her hand as long as he could, and when he disappeared from her view, she sat back down and closed her eyes as she laid her head against the rope. She allowed herself a few more minutes before she stood back up to head inside and get ready herself, resolving that she would talk to Drake that night, before anyone else could get hurt.

Want to continue? Click below for the next chapter :

CHAPTER 6 - THE RIGHT AND WRONG (AND RIGHT AGAIN) WAY TO BE A STUNNER - PART 1

#choices the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic #drake walker #drake x mc #fanfic #choices fanfic #liam #liam rys #liam rhys #maxwell beaumont #trr #au

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queerlyglittering · 5 years

Text

LETTER BOY UPDATE

ok! This is long overdue lmao. but until the other day I was feeling a bit mopey and sad and also just generally tired and didn’t wanna talk about it BUT THEN E X T R E M E L Y LONG POST AHEAD

so lemme see where I last left off re: Letter Boy.... ok so like, to recap: there for a while we’d barely been talking. He didn’t have time to write to me most of the time, and then half the time when we did write to each other our letters kept getting lost in the mail, etc etc. I know I’d been like pretty obsessive over the whole letter-writing thing for a while so I thought I’d been pushing him away and like at one point I wrote him a goodbye letter? Like I was really out here like “I’m so sorry for bothering you so much, I’ll leave you alone now” like what sort of passive-aggressive bitchy monster lmao. And then eventually I was like nah fuck that, that’s not ok and I’m not leaving things like that, so I wrote him an apology and we kinda got back to talking a bit. And then he finally wrote me back! And his letter was deeply personal and emotional and I cried! He came out as ace! He told me he loved me! The absolute drama of it all! (Which it turns out, at that point he didn’t mean it in terms of like, romantic love, just like... he really cared about me as a person and was glad that he felt comfortable to write about his experiences re: being ace to me and it was sort of cathartic. BUT THEN!) So I wrote back almost immediately, telling him that I loved him too and that he was valid and shit lmao. That was all back in late May/early June I think... tbh I don’t remember what happened over the summer, lemme go back and reread our messages? b/c I know neither of us has physically written to the other since then. Ok so we messaged a bit about potentially meeting up at a Pride festival, either there in Houston or up in Dallas, but the timing just generally didn’t work out in our favor for either event, so we wound up not going. And then we kinda sporadically messaged each other here and there, usually when he was stressed with school or I was stressed with work, etc, but we barely talked off and on for a couple months. Then I started my current job, and my sleep cycle got outta whack for a few weeks, and that’s when things started to get interesting again lmao

ok so sometime near the end of August, he had like a minor depressive episode or something in the middle of the night and messaged me at like 4 am saying he felt “gross and sad” and I slept through that because it was Saturday but I wound up waking up at like 6:30 out of habit from getting up for work, and I ended up calling him and we talked for a while and I vented about some stuff in my life too and then we both went back to sleep lmao. And after that things got a little more active in terms of communication; like y’all know me, I’m a Needy Bitch, so of course I wound up messaging him like once every couple days or so whenever I started to miss him and needed Attention. Like it kinda started with a tarot reading I got, just a standard past/present/future 3-card reading, but she pulled the Lovers for my present, so I mean.... and basically she said something about there being a person in my life whom I had feelings for, and who reciprocated those feelings, but there was a communications disconnect, and the relationship was getting to a point where it could begin to go stale, and that we shouldn’t block ourselves off from progress. After that reading I reached out and messaged him again, and we ended up literally speaking every day for a week. Like I think I’d made a post about that on here about not messaging him for the 8th day in a row and thought I was exaggerating but then I went back and counted and IT ACTUALLY WAS THE 8TH DAY, WOW AUDREY, YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ANNOYING. So I tried to get better about leaving him alone lmao but I started messaging him a bunch of stuff about my singing, because my old community had a brief resurgence in September. and he said he wanted to sing something with me someday and I’m 🥰🥰

So then at one point I had mentioned coming down to Houston for the weekend of the SFA/Sam Houston State game (which was last weekend, 10/5-6) with my friend, and ditching the game to hang out with him instead. I kinda let the subject drop for a couple weeks because at that point it was almost a month out and I wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna be able to go so I didn’t want to get both our hopes up. But then work started being really shitty and dicking me around about my schedule change that was supposed to have happened once I got out of training, and my home life wasn’t gr8 either, so I kinda latched onto that weekend trip as like a bright spot, or something to hope for. Something to keep me going. And he’d basically forgotten about it, which is fine, except I wound up springing it back on him at the last minute lmao. But then my friend who I was supposed to go with (because I can’t drive so she was gonna drive us down there) was like ‘nah I’m not going to the game, I have no money for tickets.’ So I was like well shit, there goes my happy thing. And I talked to her about it and basically begged her to just go down to Houston for the weekend anyway, I’d get us a hotel and everything, because I needed this. So she was like ‘alright, look at hotels.’ But then HER friend got very sick, like in-the-hospital having-mysterious-seizures sick, and she went to go stay with her in the hospital for a few days because the girl’s husband was being a dick about it (it turned out to just be an infection from a contact lens that got stuck in her eye and like melted??? idk. but it was BAD AND SCARY). But that was like Wednesday-Friday of the week we were supposed to go to Houston on that weekend and I wasn’t sure she’d be up to going. So I asked last minute if she still wanted to go or if I should cancel the hotel (not realizing that it was too late to cancel it anyway lmao RIP) and she said ‘ok sure but I wanna bring my kid, since I’ve been away from her for 3 whole days.’ I was like that’s fine, I already thought you were gonna bring her lol. So we wound up going down there on Saturday but we left a bit later than we’d meant to, and by the time we got to town, Letter Boy was already at work. So I missed him that day. The three of us (me, friend & kiddo) wound up swimming in the hotel pool and then ordering Chinese takeout for dinner so that was pretty fun.

Then the next day, Sunday! Letter Boy called as we were checking out of the hotel to try and figure out what the plan was, where we could meet up, etc. We decided to meet at the mall nearby, since it was an easy landmark for all parties, and we could find each other pretty easily there. He took me (and my friend and her kid, though apparently that wasn’t the plan, and he would’ve preferred to spend time with just me; she even gave me the option to not have the two of them meet us at the restaurant and I decided not to take it because i was a nervous anxious coward lmao) out to lunch at this Korean place in town, where he loves to eat. We played a few rounds of a card game and talked and ate and it was great fun. Then he had to bail and go to work, and we had an interesting goodbye because I’d been out here trying to respect his personal space and all because from what he’d said in his coming-out letter, it sounded very much like he was touch-averse - but then he hugged me goodbye? and kept coming back for more hugs?! like “one more? ok just one more? and one more?” like nonstop for a good five minutes lmao. I was a bit confused but I loved it (my primary love language is physical touch; hugs are my kryptonite. And he gives AMAZING hugs. like I may have even actually dreamed about his hugs before I ever got to experience one, but that’s whole other post lol). Anyway so after that my friend and I went to hang out at her brother’s in-laws’ place because they lived in the area lol. Letter Boy had asked me to message him once I got there, so I did. I told him I wished I could’ve spent more time with him one-on-one, and he said “well if you’re still in town maybe you can sneak away when I get my break later” So I basically said hell yes, just tell me where to meet you, lol. We wound up meeting up at Starbucks and getting coffee and continuing to talk and hang out for the half hour of his break, and he really didn’t want to leave when it was time for him to go. Like he actually contemplated kidnapping me and bringing me to work with him lmao. If my ride hadn’t already been on her way, I would’ve gone with him in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to leave either. And he told me he loved me again! 🥰🥰🥰 It was sappy and sweet and just aghhhh <3

So that was a week ago today! And there’s been some interesting developments since then too. Starting off with that Sunday night when I got home, I’d had too much coffee (starbucks messed up my order and had to remake it so I ended up drinking both lmao, big mistake). So I was over-caffeinated and v emotional and couldn’t sleep so I started writing out all my anxious confused feelings in letter form, and wound up just linking Letter Boy to the Google Doc I’d been writing in. This was at almost 2 AM. Apparently I woke him up and he read it and replied to me over messenger and basically we talked about how like. when he first said he loved me in the letter, he didn’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context but it was definitely more than just platonic and he wasn’t sure how to quantify that. But now that we’d met in person, and got to spend some actual time together, he felt a little differently and that he was “not 100% sure but WAAAY more than 50% sure” that he loved me romantically, because partially because he’s ace, he’s just kinda unsure about romantic relationships in general and he’s reluctant to commit to them because the sex thing always becomes an issue. I reassured him that I completely understand and respect his orientation and would never ask him to change that aspect of himself or do anything that would make him uncomfortable, and he seemed immensely relieved. At this point I’m honestly not even sure how much of his feelings are genuinely for/about me, and how much of them are just some sort of general euphoria at having someone basically validate his orientation and his existence, because he’d spent so long being mocked and tormented by friends and lovers alike, and basically just feeling broken and worthless. And I completely understand that reaction. I’m not even sure I care if that’s all this is, if it comes down to it; I’m happy to be here to love and support him and make sure he never feels less than whole and valid again, no matter my context in his life. I just want him to be happy. I’d love to be the one who makes him happy, but if ultimately that is not my part in his life, then so be it. I’m at peace with it.

Anyway so that was Sunday night, we talked a little bit on Monday and Tuesday and then like,, nothing at all for a few days? And so of course my immediate instinct is that I came on too strong and pushed him away, just because he doesn’t want to talk to me every day?? so I got all mopey and sad and weird, because I thought I’d scared him off and lost him and idk. Also I was in a funk b/c my hormones are being wacky this week; I don’t really get periods per se with my IUD, but sometimes I’ll get phantom cramps and/or mood swings, etc. but this past week i’ve been spotting and cramping AND moody af, so that’s been fun. So I’d been all weird and sad and shit, and thinking he didn’t want to talk to me = he didn’t want me, and I was so paranoid and afraid because I still think this whole thing is too good to be true and I can’t trust it. I know it’s silly and far too early to be serious and it’ll never last and probably won’t end well. I know that it’s fun and easy and idealistic and won’t stand up to reality or practicality, when it eventually has to face them. So I’ve been bracing myself for that ending ever since it began. And I know three days isn’t very long, but after having a whole conversation about how we love each other, and how we love each other, it felt like an eternity. BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!

So ok, we did talk briefly on Friday, in passing. but it was a very short little conversation; the only major thing to come out of it was a further confirmation that yes, he’s serious about coming up here to see me. BUT THEN Saturday night (10/12), he got home from seeing Eric Andre perform live, and he was hanging out with his sister and drinking and generally being a goof, and he messaged me! UPDATE: It’s now sunday 10/20 and I’m still writing this. idk it’s been a lot, everything else in my life has been rough lately, idk. im not feeling as positively about this as i was before, but i’ll keep writing the update. I’ve written too much

SO! Anyway. he came home from the comedy show thing, and he was hanging out with his sister watching some Japanese reality show and drinking, and he messaged me out of the blue. Funny thing I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t generally reach out to me first and he’s not too expressive generally but whenever he’s intoxicated in some way, be it alcohol or pot or even benadryl, he gets really effusively, gushily mushy and sweet. So on this occasion he was drunk, or at least tipsy, and that means he was being extra affectionate and dumb lmao. He started out telling me about his night and then hit me with the “I wish you were heeeerrrrreeeeeeee” lol. And he said something about how one day when he graduates, we should get a place together, where we can “be non-binary and own our dreams” (the second time he’s mentioned possibly being nonbinary to me - or possibly third time, he said something in passing about being confused about gender roles, in a context that implied ‘in relation to himself.’ meanwhile I haven’t actually said anything at all to him about me being nonbinary, he just kinda assumed b/c i have a rly butch-y looking haircut rn lmao. but like.. he ain’t wrong tho 😂 so that’s a conversation that we need to actually have sometime.) He was like “it’s sorta romantic that you live up there and I live down here and we’re so far apart and we have to just kinda pine after each other basically” and i was like oh good, I’m not the only one pining lmao. But then he asked me to come with him when he moves to Japan to teach English there, sometime after he finishes his degree. Which like, I wish I could go with him, and I know that if we’re still talking at that point/especially if we actually get together, it’s gonna be hard to be that far away from him and I’m gonna miss him. But it’s just eminently not practical. I don’t have any college degree and I don’t speak a lick of Japanese, there’s no way I can teach English with him; and there aren’t many other jobs there for Americans. And he won’t be making enough to support both of us on a teacher’s salary, i know that much. So that’s where I start to get a bit disillusioned. Like I know it was just a drunk suggestion out of a desperation to not be apart anymore, and despite the fact that a drunk mouth often speaks sober thoughts, I know better than to assume that either of those offers to live together were any kind of a promise, and I have no intention to hold him to either of them. But in the moment I very much got my hopes up and I let myself get really excited and I regret that now lmao because like I knew even then that it wasn’t real. and now i’m just sorta disappointed because I’ve had to confront the fact that he’s very much a daydreamer and I, for all my delusional fantasizing, am at heart more practical than that. I don’t like to hope for things that I know can’t happen, because it’s just setting myself up for future devastation. And he just wants to hope and wish for everything, and maybe some of it will come true and maybe some of it won’t, and he just sort of seems unbothered by either outcome. For all my hopeless romanticism and my overemotional nature, I can’t bring myself to do that, to hope without expectation. I don’t know how. it’s so antithetical to my understanding of the world. And it just serves to highlight another of the many ways in which we are almost complete opposites - which isn’t a bad thing! but it can make some things harder. like handling distance, or hoping for the future, or just communication in general.

but anyway! back to drunken happiness lmao. he started saying really sappy shit like how he wants to be there for me when I’m feeling down, and he wants to have big dumb fights with me just so he can make it up to me with a big grand gesture like flowers or edible arrangements or something. and then he wrote me a drunken limerick and it was actually surprisingly good and really cute lmao. and he said he wanted to cuddle me. and then we got into a mini-fight over which one of us was cuter lmao. and he called me queen and said that he just wants to like. make me food and take care of me and stuff lol. and that he doesn’t even HAVE a type but somehow I am exactly his type? which is still fucking me up, that’s the sweetest shit i’ve ever heard. (because i know what he means, he’s dated around quite a bit with different types and genders of people and stuff because he didn’t really know how to handle his asexuality and of course the myth is that you just haven’t found the right person yet, so he just kept trying and feeling broken and then here I am, the first person he’s found to be accepting and understanding of that part of him, and still want him and care for him and be all lovey-dovey and shit with him, and he just wants me to be happy in return.) meanwhile I of course have several types, including different types for girls and guys etc, but he’s hitting all my boxes - tall, handsome in a kind of adorkable way, smart, funny, sarcastic, sweet, patient, sensitive, similar tastes in media and similar political alignments, queer. plus he’s just cute as fuck. like out of my league cute lmao but again, that’s exactly my type OTL so like I told him that, and that I just wanna like. hold him and be with him and help him be successful in whatever he wants in life. and he freaked out and was like ugh you should just come here rn i’ll hide you under my bed if i have to and i was like i wish i could :( and he was like THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AUDREY COME HERE and i was like OK IM LEAVING ON FOOT SEE U IN 3 DAYS and it was funny. and we flung a bunch of heart emojis at each other. and then he made a passing reference to his mood swings and i kinda ended up ignoring it because i sent a message at the same time but in my head i was like boy have you even MET me, 1. the swings have always been my favorite piece of playground equipment, 2. i’ve got mood swings down to a fine art, and 3. i’m more worried about whether you can handle mine. i’m pretty sure i can take yours in stride lmao. and then there was more talk of cuddling, and HE STARTED HEART REACTING ALL MY MESSAGES and i’m just like WTF STOP IT THAT IS THE CUTEST SHIT <3333 and then he sent me a dollar by accident? and I sent him the “i love you bitch, i ain’t never gonna stop loving you bitch” vine lmao

and apparently this whole time he was still sitting around with his sister? lmao because he said she told him she approved of me after i sent that vine 😂 and she apparently likes my hair! which is good lol (reminder I need to post some pics of it on here, I posted selfies to fb but i don’t think i’ve posted on here yet). his sister is also bi lmao and seems cool in general (and also from what i’ve seen creeping her fb, she’s REALLY GORGEOUS, like it runs in the family, these fuckers should be models, it’s ridiculous really) so having her approval is v nice. like at least one member of his family approves of me! now to work on the rest 😂😂 and then he was talking about he was gonna get high also (despite being already drunk) and i was joking with him about bogarting the weed and he was like “when we live together I’ll share my weed with you” lmao but he said it with such certainty, like it was just a given. not an if, but a when. which threw me for enough of a loop. But then he started in on this fantasy scenario where like it’s late at night and we can’t sleep so he makes me sushi by hand, and we feed each other with our chopsticks (he was impressed that I already knew how to use them lmao) and we sit on the couch arm in arm watching reruns of cheers and laughing way too loudly and fall asleep in each other’s arms as the sun comes up outside but we don’t have anything to do the next day so it’s ok. and it was the sweetest most romantic shit I’ve literally ever heard in my LIFE, like it sounds like actual heaven and i was crying happy tears at this point lmao. just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 like in that moment i felt so fucking loved i couldn’t even speak and y’all know i’m never speechless, i literally can’t fucking shut up most of the time lmao. and like at that point his phone was dying so he went to plug it in and go to bed and I did the same because it was like 2:30 in the morning but i was just giddy with affection and couldn’t sleep.

anyway so the next day (sunday) i had a party thing to go to that was really fun but i’m socially awkward so i texted him a lot as a crutch. and then the next day (monday) he had given me “permission to bug the crap out of him” so i messaged him a lot throughout my work day because it was an unusually crappy day anyway. and the day after that (tuesday) we messaged about the democratic debates and stuff. and then i kinda tried to give him some space, because i felt like i was smothering him, and i made it all the way to friday evening before i caved in and messaged him again. like i don’t wanna bother him by messaging him every day, i know he’s busy. whenever he doesn’t actively have class, he’s got homework or he’s working (which usually means he’s driving and can’t talk). but i’m like so addicted to the affection i get from him, it’s bad. my anxiety just keeps building and getting worse if i try to avoid messaging him and I don’t make it very far before i end up giving in and messaging him for a hit of that good ol’ dopamine. so we ended up catching each other up on the events of the latter part of our week, and talking about sushi preferences. and he apparently has never had eel?? like that was probably the 2nd or 3rd thing i tried lmao 😂 but then to be fair I had a boyfriend at the time who was very interested in making sure i tried new things, and who had been stationed briefly in japan so he knew a lot about sushi and wanted to show off. anyway Letter Boy is like me, he prefers salmon by a wide margin. and we talked about how he’d tried squid and did not enjoy it, and that turned into a mini battle to see who could post the weirdest squid-themed gif lmao. and then i sent him the playlist but he still hasn’t listened to it yet I don’t think. but he also wants me to write him a poem lmao so that’s something i should start working on i guess. but idk i’m not feeling it rn but that’s not his fault.

and then today happened and i had another incident with my mother and her narcissistic bullshit and i was feeling like shit so i reached out to my best friend to kinda get some validation that i’m not actually the narcissistic one (which felt shitty and manipulative, like if i have to ask i’m probably at least a LITTLE narcissistic. but then again if i actually was narcissistic i guess i wouldn’t even have that doubt? like i would just be certain that i wasn’t and not second-guess it because i wouldn’t care? and like making their victims believe that THEY are the narcissistic ones and the abuser isn’t, is a classic hallmark of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? but i still felt like shit about it idk). And I also reached out to Letter Boy because while I love my best friend more than words can say, like she’s my sister-from-another-mother, Letter Boy has kind of become my comfort person. like i always used to write letters to him whenever I was going through a rough spot, as a distraction. and usually I’ll message him whenever I’m starting to feel anxious or sad, but lately it’s gotten to where I’ll start to feel anxious and sad whenever I don’t message him regularly. like i’ve said, it’s getting bad and i’m worried about it. like that’s not a good sign of a healthy relationship. and it’s nice to have some positivity in my life, especially given all the negative shit i’m constantly surrounded by. but that doesn’t mean this relationship is healthy or good for either of us. so that’s yet another thing on my list of shit that’s making me anxious lol. but anyway he tried to be supportive when i told him about what i’m dealing with in re: my mother, and encouraged me to get out, but he just seemed kinda generally lost. like he didn’t know how to deal with it. and if that’s because he’s been fortunate enough that in his life, that kind of behaviour is not something he’s experienced, then I’m happy for him. but he said some stuff about not really believing in labels, but specifically in regards to mental health issues? which like. that’s all fine and good in terms of gender and sexuality, but with mental health, that’s a medical issue. you kind of have to have names for things in that context so that you can treat them. and i get that he was kinda trying to be encouraging to me, to not let my mother make me think of myself as a narcissist, and to not feel so shitty about myself in terms of like my depression and anxiety and stuff. but it just felt like it was sort of coming from a place of very neurotypical privilege and misunderstanding, and it was sort of unintentionally invalidating. and then he brought up the idea of us living together again, once he graduates, but he said it in a slightly more realistic way which i should have been happier with but that only wound up disappointing me. he said “maybe when i graduate we can get a place...” instead of like his certainty from earlier. and i said i wish, and he said that he wishes too and we should both hope for it and maybe it’ll happen. and i’m just like... hope is a dangerous thing for my emotional health, i don’t want to hope for something that isn’t going to happen. and he basically said that i need to learn to hope without expectation, and set small goals as baby steps toward that bigger dream, and i’m just like. i don’t understand but thank you lmao. and that’s where we left off this evening. and i’ve been crying, about shit with my mom and my life in general and worrying about all this bullshit with letter boy and how like a week ago we were blissfully happy with each other and now things are feeling increasingly less certain and i have this burning feeling in the back of my mind that he’s not gonna actually show up for the Syrup Festival in 3 weeks - which again, i’ve pinned all my hopes to, it’s the light at the end of my newest tunnel. and i’m so nervous because i want to show him everything and let him get a feel for where i live (and why i feel trapped here lmao) and yet at the same time i don’t know how to handle it because i don’t think he’ll feel the same way about it as i do. and i’m still not sure he’ll even come. because despite him telling me repeatedly that he wants to come, i can’t help but feel that either something will come between us within that time, or he’ll just end up having to work, or something, and he won’t actually come. i’m so terrified he won’t want to come. I’m terrified i’m pushing him away. because this whole thing, ever since we started writing letters, has felt mostly one-sided, like i’m out here sharing everything with him and flinging my love and attention at him, and getting scraps in return, just enough to keep me coming back for more. and i don’t know if he’s stringing me along or if he’s serious. he is a bit flighty. I don’t want him to fly away. but i don’t want to hold him down, either.

i don’t know.

#personal #letter boy #letter boy update #long post #ignore me #so anyway that's like.... the last 6 months almost lmao #all the ups and the downs #this has been over a week in the writing and i'm sorry #i got lazy with updating the dates throughout the post

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