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#I may or may not add it to the playlist I've slowly been building...

mooifyourecows · 3 months

Note

What typically gives you inspiration to write your stories? How do they become fully developed concepts after you gat hit with inspiration?

I'll get inspiration from anything tbh. Dreams, videogames, movies, tv shows, books, other fics, songs, something i saw at the grocery store, etc. Sometimes I just have a character or relationship dynamic that i want to write and build around that.

I'll think up a new story idea almost every other week. Not all of them become something though lol some of them are just a flash in a pan idea that i quickly forget about/abandon because i just can't really sink my teeth into it, you know?

When i do have an idea that i want to pursue, it slowly grows into fully developed concepts over the course of weeks or months. I keep notes in my phone and add to them when ideas come to me. Eventually, when the story is starting to hold water, I'll make a playlist for it because having that musical connection really helps me develop even more of the story/character/mood. I've changed whole story ideas because the playlist i put together had a different vibe from my original plan haha it's VERY vital to my creation process. which is why everyone should listen to my story playlists because THEY'RE IMPORTANT AND REALLY DRIVE HOME THE VIBE! (ehhh some of them are more important than others. some are mostly for my own benefit, having certain music playing while i'm writing to keep the mood/voice)(but still)(pls like my playlists, i put a lot of effort into them)

I'm not the type of writer who can get an idea and then just write it. (if those types of writers even exist. do they exist?) I really take my time planning stuff out. I have several stories/story ideas that I've been consistently thinking up and jotting down notes on for literal years. I think of a lot of really great stuff when i give myself the time to do it. And I'd miss out on absolute gold if I just sat down and wrote them the instant I had enough to make a story.

Some stories do grab me immediately though. Like recently I got an idea for a new DaiSuga fic and I've very excitedly spat out 12k words in the past two-ish weeks. In cases like this, the story just fleshes itself out so perfectly that I can't help but get it out of my head. I might hit a block on it soon and have to put it on the backburner until I figure out a way around it, but for now, I'm just putting whatever I can onto the page, regardless of how good it is.

And a lot of the time, it's garbage, you know? I just write total trash. Boring dialogue, zero description, scenes that cut off in the middle because I don't know how to progress to the next one, etc. Most of my stories are in this horrible Pre-Frankenstein state where it's just pieces and parts I have to figure out how to sew together and shoot some life into them so they move the way I want them to. And sometimes that takes a long time to accomplish, so they just kinda sit in my wip folder, waiting for me to get the sudden motivation to dust them off and fix them up. (or on occasion, restart from page one)

I'm really not super organized or professional or anything. I just think things and I write them down so I don't forget. Somehow they manage to fit together into something people want to read. It helps that I'm constantly watching movies/TV or reading. Once you get a really good feel of how stories of all different genres work, you can make your own. And I can't really say for sure how good of a writer I am, I definitely don't think I'm on the same level as a lot of writers that I've read, both in fandom and in original fiction. I can see how my vocabulary, grammar, description, etc doesn't hold up to those people. But if there's one thing I know I can do, and feel confident in my ability to do, it's telling a story.

I may not be able to describe a setting but boy howdy can I tell a story 🫵

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nicstylus · 10 months

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Art Fight Master Post

(I will re-pin the other masterpost after Art Fight is done)

Art Fight Link: https://artfight.net/~NicStylus

Toyhouse: https://toyhou.se/NicStylus

Carrd: https://nicstylus.carrd.co

Characters

Jason Aequoreus (MotM)

Jason's Links: Lore Document YT Playlist Spotify Playlist

Zorro (MotM)

Zorro does not have any links because I've neglected them oops LORE: Zorro used his dark magic too much and got completely turned into a demon. Lucifer (Queen of Hell blah blah blah) fell in love with them, she turned out to be (surprise) a terrible person and they overthrew her. Now they rule the underworld and occasionally assist Jason in his objectives as they are (technically) best friends.

Elflacon (DnD)

Elfalcon is my (dead :/ ) DnD Character. Since I've played him last though he's gotten a complete glow-up and re-write so here is the new-and-improved Elfalcon. LORE: Elfalcon is a Drow Elf who would be a royal prince if he hadn't been outcast by his family for being cursed. His Drow bloodline takes their lineage very seriously, so when he was cursed to become a Tiefling at night (in hopes that his family would be more accepting of Tieflings) they were outraged and banished him. He has since become a rogue with the intent to slowly whittle away at his families wealth and most valued treasures over time until they seek his assistance with catching this thief and accept him back into the family. At this point though he mostly just steals because fuck his family lol

TheArrowsShadow

Arrow is my Minecraft Character I'm not actually sure if this counts as an OC, but... I'm submitting him anyway so take that LORE: Arrow is a blind archer (yes, blind.) He prefers Archery over anything else Minecraft related and prefers to hang out with his friends while doing so. Sun (Green hoodie) is his best friend, Breeze (blue hair and horns) is the Mom Friend and Panda (Pink hair) is the Little Sister friend that is completely unhinged. Arrow will match whatever energy you give him, and has the personality of a golden retriever.

Kite

Kite is my TES Skyrim Khajiit (or Tabaxi if you speak D&D) with the stealth archer build. Kite honestly flips between being male and female in my head so they can be drawn as either or neither or both! LORE: Besides being the last dragonborn (and completely abusing that title) they've joined the Dark Brotherhood and became a Nightingale for the Thieves Guild. Kite enjoys doing trick shots with the bow, consuming every cheese wheel in sight, catching butterflies and decorating NPCs bodies (which may or may not be her doing) and committing unspeakable atrocities upon the townspeople of Falkreath. They're the most proficient in archery and thief skills, whatever that may be, and destruction magic, for some reason. Other than that he pretty much sucks at everything from blacksmithing to healing magic.

TO BE CONTINUED (and updated as I add new characters hopefully)

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citychicken-prod · 7 months

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Album Thoughts : Pawprint Panic

I wanna start listening to more music without lyrics to try and think/learn more about how music is constructed. So I'm gonna document my thoughts in posts! It's kind of like an art study except I've never been taught how to properly study music like I have illustrations

I recently found this cool album by Napcast on YouTube, you can listen here or you can go buy it off their Bandcamp here. I have full intentions of buying this eventually, I want to get more music off bandcamp and make a playlist that ISN'T on YouTube for plane rides.

ANYWAYS, into the music! This album has 9 tracks, is that long or short for an album? I've never really listened to a lot of them, but I like this one a lot.

Me talking about this may not be the most in-depth since i'm not super knowledgeable! That's the point, is to learn!

Track 1: Pawprint Panic!

The titular title track! It feels simply constructed, but all of these tracks are styled after SNES era game music so that's not entirely suprising, those are meant to be catchy and communicate feel right? It's got these two tracks that establish a nice sense of rhythm for most of the song and it uses everything else around it to add variation! I think this track is very fun.

Track 2: Record Scratch

Builds up similarly to the first track, with the instruments establishing the beat coming in before everything else. I think this track pulls a way from that a bit more than the other one, though. I like the synth piano very much, it's fun hearing where the song adds to and pulls away layers to give depth.

Track 3: CD Collecting

Oh man these horns and the guitar are really fun! I hadn't thought about harmonizing with instruments but I think I'm hearing that with some parts of the piano? I think I want to try that! It sounds really cool!!

Track 4: Signals

This was done in some of the other tracks I think, but I like hearing where a beat is established and it then switches to a difficult instrument to recontextualize it! Also I have no idea what the main instruments is, but I like it a lot! That's such a dreamy sound! I can't tell if it's some sort of horn or piano, it's edited pretty heavily so I don't know what the original sample may have been (if there was one to begin with).

Track 5: Red Sky at Morning

Oh I love the way the piano and the bass line work together, that's very,,,ear catching? It got my attention really quick! Listening to this, I feel like I can draw a clear shape in my mind to represent how the song progresses, sort of like those plot line graphs you'd see in school. I think I like that a lot! Listening to a song and it being easy to imagine in a more visual way helps me learn a lot, I want to try putting that into practice now that it's started to click.

Track 6: Snowcap Myriads

I think the opening on this one is very striking too! The pacing on this song feels different compared to the others towards the end? I like it! Playing with length and timing and less drawn-out endings sounds very fun!

Track 7: Seaside Summer

A lot more of the instruments come in at once in this track compared to some others on the album! I think I like the sound of this, but I think having them come in slowly feels easier to comprehend as a beginner trying to make stuff? Handling those layers one at a time feels much more manageable. Though, with that said I still struggle knowing how to build up layers that sound nice together!

Track 8: Lead Me to Paradise

I think the melodies on this one are interesting, it really does feel like a video game character singing an emotional ballad. I also really like what I think is some kind of drum beat? The way it pulls back to simple piano notes in the end with little to no accompaniment feels very memorable.

Track 9: Aftercircus

Oh I LOVE these horns! The way the songs speeds up gradually to build tension and slows back down to release it feels clever, I wonder if that portion is in a different BPM or if it's all the same and slower moments just have notes spread further out? I don't know how to have a track with a different BPM in certain sections in the app I use but I think I want to try and figure out how to recreate something like that eventually

#music #napcast #album review #well more like a ramble than a review but thats alright

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jinxed-games · 4 years

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I have a slight feeling that in the crushing stage with MC, The Mage's song would be 'I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys'

I just listened to it and I did not prepare myself for feels. But yes your slight feeling may be right

#JinxSpeaks #The Mage #I may or may not add it to the playlist I've slowly been building...

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hyunsuks-beanie · 3 years

Text

Running Away With You

*Image Credits to rightful owners*

Bang Chan x reader; non idol AU; established relationship; fluff; midly suggestive at places

Word Count: 4.25k

A/N: A huge thank you to @youn9racha, for this super cute request. I am as much a sucker for road trips as I am for Chan, so I really enjoyed writing this!! I hope you like it as much as I did.

"Do you ever just want to pack your bags and run away in the night, without telling anyone?," you ask your boyfriend, Chan, as you both lay in bed one night. "That's an interesting question," he says, playing with your hair, "Though first I'd like to know what made you think of that." "Pfft. It's nothing too complex, Christopher. It's just a random thought that popped into my head," you say, while rolling your eyes at his inquisitive nature.

"Y/N, I know you, and I can sense that you've got something bothering that pretty head of yours, and making you want to run away. So tell me, what is it?," Chan speaks in a soothing tone, making you snuggle into his chest even more, while letting out a sigh. "It's just, work has been so crazy these past few days, and the pressures of the real world are getting to me. You remember when we were back in college? Whenever things got too hard, we used to go on road trips to clear our heads. Even a couple days away from the harsh real life were enough to rejuvenate us. I guess I just miss those times, now that real life responsibilities are wearing us down."

Once you're done with your little rant, Chan pulls your head up a little, making you look at him. He softly says, "Aww baby, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you've been struggling these past few days. I guess I've been too busy with my own work tonoticee. I know we're no longer in college, but I promise to you, that whenever the going gets tough, I'll do everything in my ability to help your through." "I know Channie, I know. I have you, and it's more than enough."

You give in to sleep after a while, and so, you fail to notice that Chan takes a little longer to fall asleep that night. He keeps thinking back on what you said earlier, carrying out an internal debate with himself. "Y/N is right. Work and responsibilities have taken a toll on us, and a road trip may be just what we need. But can we really afford to just 'run away?' There are too many projects, too many commitments. And we owe it to our colleagues to tell them that we will be away for a few days," he thinks to himself, before slowly drifting off to dreamland.

The next morning brings with itself a fresh hustle, but your face doesn't betray any sign of the frustrations you let come to the surface last night. But Chan knows better, and, seeing his reflection while getting ready for work, he realizes that his own expression mirrors yours. A thin veil to hide the fact that it's getting too much. At his office that day, he can't seem to focus on his work, since his mind keeps drifting back to your words. By the time the evening rolls around, he has made up his mind. He's going to run away with you, for a week anyway.

But a road trip needs some planning, and Chan wants this vacation to be the perfect little surprise for you. So, on his way home, he stops by at the convenience store to buy some essentials. Instant noodles, a few bottles of beer, disposable utensils, rental DVDs, he collects quite a few things, being reminded of your college days with each item he adds to his cart. In a moment of impulse, he even purchases a tent fit for two, and once he's done shopping, he hides everything in the boot of his car. You don't need to know of his plan, yet.

The following day, he leaves his office early, calling in a week's leave of absence due to some made-up reason. Instead of going home, he first drops by at your office. Not to meet you, but to get a similar application for leave approved on your behalf.

He finally heads back home to pack and ready a couple of things for your trip. "Y/N wanted to run away in the middle of the night, and that is what we'll do," he smiles to himself. When you come home, he remains tight-lipped about his little surprise for you, even though his excitement is trying to get the best of him.

Once the clock strikes twelve, he brings you out to his car, without telling you the reason. "Just please, come on! Don't you trust me?," he says, pouting. On his way out of the house, he picks up your phone from the couch, along the house keys. You don't notice this, however, as you're busy pestering him with questions. "Chan, why are we going out so late at night? What's going on? Tell me!" "You wanted to run away, right? Well, how about running away...... to the convenience store?," he smiles cheekily, making you giggle. "Gosh you're such a cheesy idiot," you say, getting into the car, still blissfully unaware of his intentions.

"Yeah, but I'm your cheesy idiot," he laughs, pressing his foot on the accelerator.

It doesn't take you long to realize that instead of driving over to the 24/7 close to your house, Chan has pulled onto the highway. You turn to look at him, only to see him smiling brightly, his eyes trained ahead. "Chan, what are you doing?," you ask, though feel like you already know the answer. "Running away with you," he says, taking your hand in his his, and bringing it up to his lips.

"What? But that was just a random rant! And what about work? We can't just disappear like that," you exclaim, to which, he only replies by giving you a knowing look. "Let me guess, you already informed our offices?" "Yes, and no," he quips. When you look at him quizzically, he elaborates, "I submitted applications for leave, making up some random excuse. So we have a whole week to ourselves." "But, what about essentials and supplies? We don't have anything to eat," you try to reason. He counters, "Babe, I've been planning this for two days, and I already stocked up on all our favourite snacks, drinks, and movies. I even got us a tent for days we want to sleep out in the open. I've got it all set, so don't you worry. The only thing I need you to do is to promise me that for the next seven days, you won't check your phone. I've already downloaded tons of songs and created at least 20 different playlists. You won't be getting any work-related messages, since I've taken care of that as well, and for directions, we'll take the traditional way, and ask around."

"Directions? Where exactly are we going anyway?," is your next question. To your surprise, he simply shrugs, before telling you that he doesn't have any specific place in mind. "Let's just wander away, going wherever the road takes us," he says, rather poetically, to which, you can't help but laugh. You then let out a soft sigh, making him look at you. "Sounds like a plan to me. Chan and Y/N, running away together, with no destination in mind," you smile, before reaching over and kissing his cheek.

"Let's play some music, shall we?," you ask, before hitting shuffle on the first playlist that pops up on your phone. You both settle in a comfortable silence, and soon enough, you begin to get drowsy. Chan notices this, and tells you to rest your eyes for a bit. "Promise to wake me up in like, two hours, so that I can take over the wheel," you yawn. "Okay fine bub, now sleep." Chan continues driving, occasionally stealing glances at your sleeping form. "How did I get so lucky?," he wonders, just like he does every day.

Morning finds you to be the one behind the wheel, as Chan naps contently in the passenger seat. The brightness of the sun finally wakes him up, and he realizes that you've left the highway, and are now driving through what appears to be the countryside. "I wonder where we're headed," he says while yawning. "Well, a signboard I saw earlier told me that we are somewhere in Jeonju," you reply. Instead of words, Chan's reply comes as a grumbling from his stomach. "Hungry," you quip, making him nod his head vigorously. You hit the breaks, before preparing some instant ramen for breakfast.

You eventually continue on your trip, and after a few hours, you find yourself in the midst of traditional Korean buildings, which seem to be from the Joseon dynasty. "Is this perhaps a tourist location?," wonders Chan loudly, making you reply, "Only one way to find out." You both get out of the car and do some asking around. You find out that the place where you houses the residences of the noblemen of old, and has now been converted into a shooting-cum-tourist spot. "Tourists can get traditional hanboks from that store, to complete the experience," an old woman tells you.

You turn to look at Chan, your eyes shining. Twenty minutes later, you exit the store, dresses from head to toe in a light blue hanbok. Chan's eyes nearly pop out when he sees you, and when he tells you the same, you can't help but blush.

You continue to hang around the place little while longer, and have dinner at a small eatery nearby.

"I feel like I'm 20 again. Thank you Channie," you say, holding his hand across the table. "Anything for you love," he winks.

Evening eventually comes around, and you guys hit the road once again. Around dinner time, you notice that you are crossing by a wood and supplies shop, and an idea strikes your mind. "Let's buy some wood and grill our meat!," you say excitedly, making Chan coo at how adorable you are. "Great idea babe. Let me park."

You quickly exit the car and visit the shop to buy some wood, then get started on your mini bonfire. It proves to be more difficult than you had thought, given how inexperienced the both of you are. In the end, you manage to get the fire going enough for the meat to be grilled, and turn around to ask Chan to bring in the eatables, when you see his face. It's completely covered in soot from his failed attempts at lighting the flame, making you double over in laughter. "You look so funny," you say while gasping for air. "Wouldn't be so funny if I got this soot on your face now, will it?," he retorts, coming after you. You try to run, but it's obviously in vain, as Chan grabs hold of you in under a minute. You both laugh harder than you have in months, and when you finally calm down, you give your boyfriend a tight hug. He hugs you back, and whispers, "I love you." "I love you too, Channie," you say, "Now go and get the meat, I'm hungry." "Way to ruin the moment, Y/N," he grumbles as you push him away.

After dinner, you walk up to the shop owner to thank him, and ask his permission to camp nearby. "It rained a few days ago, so the ground is still wet, and will be uncomfortable. But you can rent a room here for the night if you'd like," he offers. "That'll be great sir, thank you for the help." Chan says, coming up behind you. The shop owner gives you the keys to a room, and before leaving, says something that leaves you both red at the ears. "No funny business here, please. I know you both are young, and controlling yourself is hard. But I'd rather you didn't 'play around' unnecessarily on my bed."

You get changed and climb into the bed, snuggling up to each other. "First day down, babe," you smile with your eyes closed. When Chan doesn't reply, you open them, only to find your man staring at you with love in his eyes. "This is pure healing for me, thank you for suggesting this trip, love," he says. You talk about anything and everything for a while, and then suddenly, you feel Chan's soft lips pressing against yours. He gives you a sweet kiss, and pulling away, says, "About what the old man said earlier.....," while smirking. You shove his chest, saying, "We shouldn't," making him pout. "Although, making out doesn't count as 'funny business,' does it?" And that's enough to make him press his lips back to yours, moving so as to hover over you.

You wrap your arms around his back, pulling you closer to him. He licks your lower lip, making you part your lips and allowing his tongue to enter. After a while, you break away, only to grab his T-shirt and take it off his body, before wrapping your hands around his bare back. Needless to say, the two of you didn't get much time to sleep that night.

You get started on your way again the next day, and around mid-day, you see a milestone telling you that you are entering Iksan. The small town seems a lifetime away from your hectic lives in Seoul, and you spend the day going from shop to shop, buying small trinkets and stuff that are reminiscent of the country life. The residents welcome you with open arms, and more than once, you find an old couple telling you how cute you look together.

"He's a keeper, that one. Don't let him go," a lady says to you, pointing at Chan, who can be seen playing with some kids. "I won't," you smile.

That night, you stay over at a family's house, who were nice enough to allow you to sleep on their futon. You have dinner with them, during which the kid's ask Chan, "Are you two married?," making him choke on his food. "I'm sorry for that, they are learning about families and marriage in school these days," says their mother. "It's all right," you smile, "But no, we aren't married." "But do you plan on getting married soon?," the kids persist.

You and Chan look at each other and smile, before saying in unison, "Yes. One day."

The next morning you take the wheel from Chan, and the both of you drive of in silence, as High School Musical plays on your dashboard screen. After a while, you say, "What is it, Channie? You've been staring at me," "It's just that, you seem way too quiet. You've been like that since last night, after dinner," he replies, "What's the matter? Are you okay?" "I'm fine, just been thinking." "About?" "About us," you begin, elaborating when you see him looking at you expectantly. "When those kids asked us if we were married, it got me thinking.....I love being with you, I love waking up next to you. We live together any way, and share all the burdens that come with it too. So I guess...getting married to you wouldn't be so bad after all," you say softly.

"Is this your way of proposing to me?," giggles your boyfriend. "What? No! I mean, I did say it would be nice to get married, but I don't have a ring right now. And I meant it when I said 'one day,' but it's not today," you hurriedly say. Chan bursts out laughing at this, "I know love, I'm not ready yet either. But yes, if I have to get married, I'd rather marry you than anyone else."

Around noon, you decide to set up camp in a forest clearing. It takes you a few hours to get the tent up and ready, as you keep getting delayed because you can't stop fooling around. Amid Chan getting himself wrapped with the tent instead of unwrapping it, and you assembling the rods the wrong way up, you spend some not-so-productive, but enjoyable quality time in each other's presence, something you didn't know you had been craving for.

Evening rolls by, and you have a light dinner with ramen, some roasted chicken, and beer, following which, you lay down on a picnic mat, with your head on Chan's arm. "The stars look so beautiful, don't they Channie?," you softly ask. "Not as beautiful as you," he says cheesily, making you hide your face into his side. "But yeah, you're right. I really wanted to go stargazing with you, but we never got the time," he sighs. "I'm so happy we came on this trip, love." You open your mouth to speak, but just then, you notice a star shooting across the sky. "Channie! Channie get up, it's a shooting star!," you squeal, before closing your eyes and praying. Once you open them, you notice Chan looking at you with a gaze full of love. "Didn't you wish for something?," you ask. "I did," he smiles. "But what about you? What did you wish for?"

"Come closer Mr. Bang, I'm not about to announce my wish to the whole world," you whisper slyly. He leans in closer to you, only to have you say, "You don't tell others what you wished for," before pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He smiles into the kiss, before breaking away and hugging you tight.

The next day turns out to be the last before you have to turn back homeward, and so, Chan suggests you make the best of it. "From what I know about the country's geography, we should be close to a beach somewhere here," he says, making you look at him with your eyes shining. "Too bad we're not going to get help from the GPS, but I'm really enjoying the phone detox," you smirk. "Who needs GPS when we've got people? Look there, we're gonna enter a city soon, so let's ask our way around," he replies. An hour and a half later, you come across a milestone that tells you the beach is a mile away. Once there, you look for a deserted spread of sand, keen on not getting stuck in an unnecessary crowd. "We face enough of that in the city, I just want to be alone with you," you whisper, taking his hand in his.

When you finally succeed in finding such a place, Chan giggles, "Good thing I packed our swimming gear as well, right?" "You did well sweetie," you say, booping his nose softly. After getting changed, you spend the next few hours playing in the water. Suddenly, Chan pulls you flush into his chest, and whispers in your ear, "You look so hot wearing that, and with water dripping down your body, I'm really finding it hard to stay away." "Then don't," you say, biting your lip. One thing leads to another, and you're thankful for the changing shack nearby.

By the time the sun starts to set, Chan has pulled you out of the water, and is making you dance with him on the sand, after bringing your phones and portable speaker from the car. Waltzing to the music, you shyly say, "I love you Channie," making him blush and reply with an "I love you too, my cute baby."

After dinner you climb atop the roof of your car, talking about your younger days. "You remember when we got into a huge fight once, back in college? And I was about to break up with you, only to have you whisk me away on a road trip, just like you did this time," you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "It did get you to stick around with me though," he replies, laying his chin on your head. "And you remember how we first met? You spilled your latte all over my T-shirt, and then took me to the infirmary to check for any burns," he reminds you, making you throw your head back in laughter. "You kept whining for a year over how you missed out on being the 'campus heartthrob' because of that incident, when in reality, you still were the most popular freshman," you jab a finger at his chest, smiling.

"Okay, I've got a secret. I wasn't actually sad about the campus heartthrob thing, since I already knew everyone was head over heels for me," he grins, making you punch his arm. "Hey! Let me finish first. I knew everyone loved me, but I only had eyes for you. And whining was just a tactic to get you to feel sorry for me and go on a date with me." You fake gasp at this, exclaiming, "Treachery! And here I thought you were genuinely sulky about that. do you have any idea how guilty I felt that whole year?!" When he simply states at you, unamused, you add through a pout, "I'm planning on revoking your cuddle privileges."

All of a sudden, you realize that Chan is moving over to lay on top of you, trapping you between him and the roof. "You know you can't resist me, babe. So don't even try," he says. "You are right about that," you say, pulling him for a kiss.

You both end up remaining awake till dawn the next day, and decide to start on your journey home around mid-way, after having napped inside the car for a few hours. You get started on your way just after noon, with Chan behind the wheel, and you eating (and feeding him) from a packet of gummy bears in the passenger seat. You re-enter the city you had seen earlier the previous day, and decide to spend some time roaming around. It's a fairly big city, but still much quieter and more peaceful than Seoul. You pass on visiting the mall, reasoning that you do so too frequently back home.

Soon enough though, you come across a store that displays a signboard saying, "Free wine tasting session for couples." You both look at each other, and with a smirk, Chan says what is on your mind. "Can't pass up on sophisticated wine for free now, can we?" You giggle and say, "Nope, absolutely not." And so, in you go. The session proves to be equal parts fun and educational. From the Chardonnay to the Pinot Noir, you go through with the tasting of at least 20 different types of wines. While you actually stick to the literal meaning of the word "tasting," drinking no more than a sip per drink, Chan goes all out, and not too long after, he's totally drunk. "Hey there beautiful, mind telling me your name?," he tries to act smooth with you, making you facepalm as you say, "I still get surprised about how low your alcohol tolerance is for your size," you shake your head.

Once you leave the tasting, half dragging, half carrying a wasted Chan who continuously tries to flirt with you, you decide to take the wheel and hit the road to the outskirts of the city, and cover the remainder of the trip once you're fully sober. When you cross over the city's borders and re-enter the road in the wilderness, you hit the brakes. You let Chan sleep, knowing that waking him up will only give him a hangover. Getting out of the car, you get yourself something to eat from the boot, and once you're full, you snuggle up to him, throwing a blanket over the both of you.

You wake up around nine at night, and as you had predicted, you see Chan holding his head in agony. You nurse him for while, before putting him back to sleep, then continue down the road. You keep sneaking glances at his sleeping form, smiling to yourself when you notice how peaceful he seems, something he hasn't looked like in ages. "We really needed this. Thank you for always knowing what I need, and for always taking care of me. I love you," you thank him silently.

When he finally wakes the next morning, he sees you huddled up in the driver's seat, and he can feel his heart swell with love for you. He gets out of the car, then picks you up and softly places you on the backseat so that you can rest well. Looking at your expression, he can easily see how content and truly happy you are. You are his reason to keep going, and if this little getaway idea of his could help you find your reason to keep going (unbeknownst to him, he himself is your reason to endure too), his heart is at ease. Sure, your week off is going to end soon, but he's positive that you will have rejuvenated yourself and would have gathered enough beautiful memories to last you a while.

Sure, going back to Seoul would mean going back to the hustle and bustle of your lives, but hey, he knows that that you by his side, he'd be ready to run away from home again any day, because his home is with you. But even more than that, he knows that with you by his side, life will be just a tad bit easier. Because you will always be there to remind him of who he was back in college. You will keep the young, carefree boy who loved you to bits, alive in him. And he'll do the same for you. And with that thought, he drives off into the distance, back to where you started from, with a smile on his face.

Because at the end of the day, you both have each other, and that's all that matters.

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the-hermit-path · 5 years

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Ritual, Routine, and Mental Illness

A note: Truthfully, I've been hesitant about sharing things like this here. My healing has been deeply personal and I know that recovery isn't one-size-fits-all, but I also feel that if any pieces of what have been effective for me can help others, then I'm compelled to open up and share them. And of course, if you have access to professional care in these matters, use it.

[ Image Description: A nightstand under a window with a potted plant in the foreground and a candle and lamp painted with roses in the background. End ID. ]

A dear friend and I were talking recently about ritual structure and the function of each aspect of ritual, and in the same conversation we also talked about my mental health and how I've structured my routine to give me a leg up on recovery, and having the two topics that close together showed me their similarities. I have my daily and weekly rituals, but I've begun thinking now about how my routine (which I've thought of as predominantly mundane) is itself a kind of ritual.

Beyond the obvious -- that rituals and routines are both a series of actions which are repeated -- my routine is like a ritual in the way it helps me make sense of and carry momentum throughout my day. In the mornings I record my dreams and take time in bed to let go of worries and start to wake up, like cleansing a space and grounding. My morning prayers are like creating sacred space around my day, setting intentions and petitioning the deities for their help and guidance like I might do at the start of a full moon rite. My day itself is the ritual action, tackling the tasks I set intentions for at the start, tasks and intentions designed to help me build myself up out of a lifetime of illness and disorder. Throughout the day I check in with myself, staying centered the way I might in a ritual, keeping connected to a certain energy. At the end of my day I give thanks and wind down my brain, using meditation to calm me and ready me for sleep, mirroring the final offerings and closing of a ritual. Each day for me, then, is it's own kind of healing ritual.

This of course looks different for everyone and that's my point in sharing this. What is your day's structure? What are your routines? If you have yet to build some, what might they look like, and more importantly what do they mean to you? I've learned the hard way that real healing starts when you stop performing what you think it should look like and do the healing you're called to do. For some it may be early morning exercise, positive affirmations, cleansing spells in the shower and gratitude at meals. For others maybe your playlist on the way to work or school inspires you to be uplifted, perhaps even dedicated to a particular deity to help you feel close to them.

I'll also mention that I think purpose is often more important than the action itself. Some people wake up with the sun and go get active, which is a great way to regulate your circadian rhythm and get oxygen to your muscles and brain, waking up your mind and body, but it doesn't work for everybody. Personally, I need some restful time slowly waking up. My first hour is spent in bed letting my mind come into the new day, and in fact days where I have to roll out of bed and get going first thing often leave me disoriented and foggy. Try not to focus so much on what you're doing as what it's doing for you. Look at the routine you have in place already, even ordinary activities like brushing your teeth and getting dressed, and find ways to frame them within a purpose. Does the color you're wearing correspond to an intention you have? Does brushing your teeth energetically cleanse you of harmful words and negative self talk? Start from where you are and build your purpose and further routine into it.

Not to contradict myself, but the practice itself is important, too. Repetition builds into triggers and creates inertia, so if you light a candle every morning with a prayer and intention, but one morning you're running late and can't muster up your usual focus, take the thirty seconds to simply light the candle while you get dressed and get your things together. Once you've chosen your routine, stick to it. Give it six weeks. If it needs tweaks, make those changes and then do that for another six weeks. To call this process difficult is a massive understatement but the hardest part of it is also it's key to success, and that is that healing is slow. Invest in it and accept that it's going to happen in small increments over a long period of time. In truth, for many of us healing is a lifelong dedication.

Routine is vital for those of us who struggle with our mental health. The momentum of having some structure already in place to get you through your day helps create and hold space for bigger projects and handling our rough patches. If you're lacking routine right now, make a list of things you feel would lend structure and stability to your day -- mindfulness, quiet time alone, focus and motivation -- and then find methods that work for you. Set timers on your phone to stop and breathe or meditate throughout the day. Leave post-it notes with affirmations on your bathroom mirror. Write a prayer to offer before bed each night. Again, the action itself isn't as important as the purpose it serves and how effective it is for you, so be creative and find your own coping mechanisms if the usual suggestions don't seem to connect.

I will note also that routine is about forming habits, which is difficult, and doubly so for those of us struggling. Start small and be forgiving with yourself. Perhaps begin by curbing negative habits into healthier ones. If you're prone to pick up your phone in the morning and scroll social media, maybe course-correct to reading articles about your interests or personal growth, doing a guided meditation, or sending positive good morning texts to a friend. Most importantly, value consistency over perfection. If you miss a day or need to adjust your routine to accommodate, don't let yourself create a narrative of failure. Keep trying, keep going, and if at first all you can manage is one small act a day, then do it. There is no such thing as a small change. Everything counts, it all adds up. Your illness is not a reflection of you and your worth but a challenge to cope with and overcome. Look at how you reinforce harmful narratives and habits and crowd them out with things and thoughts that are better for your wellbeing. This looks different for everyone, trust and be honest with yourself about what you need to change and then break it down and begin making those changes a little piece at a time. Don't set deadlines on a certain ideal of progress, either, especially at first. Think of new habits as an experiment, a curiosity about what you can do and seeing how a new perspective through routine can teach you something or help you develop better ways of coping. If you need some more inspiration about where to start, @the-diary-of-a-failure has a really great outline here.

Think of your days as ritual and focus on their beginnings and endings, creating and releasing sacred space around your life. They don't need to have direct spiritual meanings, but frame them in a way that lends you the sort of perspective you need to prioritize and focus on the things that help you get by. Forgive yourself when you fail and learn from what doesn't work. Celebrate when you find what works and let it guide you towards the type of energy you need. For those of us with mental illness, it's hard to even find enough worth in ourselves to put energy into our healing, but it takes sacrifice to create the sacred. Sacrifice what time, focus, and energy you have towards your wellbeing and let it consecrate the healing process, shifting your perspective of recovery into a sacred task.

Ritual is how we communicate both to the greater Universe and to our subconscious selves. By creating a perspective of ritual into our daily routines, we can make our lives themselves a ritual, and thus a conversation with existence and how we want to reside within it as a whole.

Be safe out there, moonbeams.🖤🔮🌘

🚫 do not interact: transphobes, homophobes, or racists 🚫

#witchblr #mental illness #mental health #mentally ill witch #community #river's practice

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