#I meant to post this way earlier but I haven't been on tumblr that much these days;;

[nostalgebraist]

Honestly I'm pretty tired of supporting nostalgebraist-autoresponder. Going to wind down the project some time before the end of this year.

Posting this mainly to get the idea out there, I guess.

This project has taken an immense amount of effort from me over the years, and still does, even when it's just in maintenance mode.

Today some mysterious system update (or something) made the model no longer fit on the GPU I normally use for it, despite all the same code and settings on my end.

This exact kind of thing happened once before this year, and I eventually figured it out, but I haven't figured this one out yet. This problem consumed several hours of what was meant to be a relaxing Sunday. Based on past experience, getting to the bottom of the issue would take many more hours.

My options in the short term are to

A. spend (even) more money per unit time, by renting a more powerful GPU to do the same damn thing I know the less powerful one can do (it was doing it this morning!), or

B. silently reduce the context window length by a large amount (and thus the "smartness" of the output, to some degree) to allow the model to fit on the old GPU.

Things like this happen all the time, behind the scenes.

I don't want to be doing this for another year, much less several years. I don't want to be doing it at all.

----

In 2019 and 2020, it was fun to make a GPT-2 autoresponder bot.

[EDIT: I've seen several people misread the previous line and infer that nostalgebraist-autoresponder is still using GPT-2. She isn't, and hasn't been for a long time. Her latest model is a finetuned LLaMA-13B.]

Hardly anyone else was doing anything like it. I wasn't the most qualified person in the world to do it, and I didn't do the best possible job, but who cares? I learned a lot, and the really competent tech bros of 2019 were off doing something else.

And it was fun to watch the bot "pretend to be me" while interacting (mostly) with my actual group of tumblr mutuals.

In 2023, everyone and their grandmother is making some kind of "gen AI" app. They are helped along by a dizzying array of tools, cranked out by hyper-competent tech bros with apparently infinite reserves of free time.

There are so many of these tools and demos. Every week it seems like there are a hundred more; it feels like every day I wake up and am expected to be familiar with a hundred more vaguely nostalgebraist-autoresponder-shaped things.

And every one of them is vastly better-engineered than my own hacky efforts. They build on each other, and reap the accelerating returns.

I've tended to do everything first, ahead of the curve, in my own way. This is what I like doing. Going out into unexplored wilderness, not really knowing what I'm doing, without any maps.

Later, hundreds of others with go to the same place. They'll make maps, and share them. They'll go there again and again, learning to make the expeditions systematically. They'll make an optimized industrial process of it. Meanwhile, I'll be locked in to my own cottage-industry mode of production.

Being the first to do something means you end up eventually being the worst.

----

I had a GPT chatbot in 2019, before GPT-3 existed. I don't think Huggingface Transformers existed, either. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.

I had a denoising diffusion image generator in 2021, before DALLE-2 or Stable Diffusion or Huggingface Diffusers. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.

Earlier this year, I was (probably) one the first people to finetune LLaMA. I manually strapped LoRA and 8-bit quantization onto the original codebase, figuring out everything the hard way. It was fun.

Just a few months later, and your grandmother is probably running LLaMA on her toaster as we speak. My homegrown methods look hopelessly antiquated. I think everyone's doing 4-bit quantization now?

(Are they? I can't keep track anymore -- the hyper-competent tech bros are too damn fast. A few months from now the thing will be probably be quantized to -1 bits, somehow. It'll be running in your phone's browser. And it'll be using RLHF, except no, it'll be using some successor to RLHF that everyone's hyping up at the time...)

"You have a GPT chatbot?" someone will ask me. "I assume you're using AutoLangGPTLayerPrompt?"

No, no, I'm not. I'm trying to debug obscure CUDA issues on a Sunday so my bot can carry on talking to a thousand strangers, every one of whom is asking it something like "PENIS PENIS PENIS."

Only I am capable of unplugging the blockage and giving the "PENIS PENIS PENIS" askers the responses they crave. ("Which is ... what, exactly?", one might justly wonder.) No one else would fully understand the nature of the bug. It is special to my own bizarre, antiquated, homegrown system.

I must have one of the longest-running GPT chatbots in existence, by now. Possibly the longest-running one?

I like doing new things. I like hacking through uncharted wilderness. The world of GPT chatbots has long since ceased to provide this kind of value to me.

I want to cede this ground to the LLaMA techbros and the prompt engineers. It is not my wilderness anymore.

I miss wilderness. Maybe I will find a new patch of it, in some new place, that no one cares about yet.

----

Even in 2023, there isn't really anything else out there quite like Frank. But there could be.

If you want to develop some sort of Frank-like thing, there has never been a better time than now. Everyone and their grandmother is doing it.

"But -- but how, exactly?"

Don't ask me. I don't know. This isn't my area anymore.

There has never been a better time to make a GPT chatbot -- for everyone except me, that is.

Ask the techbros, the prompt engineers, the grandmas running OpenChatGPT on their ironing boards. They are doing what I did, faster and easier and better, in their sleep. Ask them.

#nostalgebraist autoresponder meta

[serahlink]

🚨 EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS OPEN🚨 tw // homeless / some med talk but not much

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

Making a new post to hopefully get some work for my family and I so we have somewhere to stay for tonight, since work has been very slow lately. I'm Link, and I'm a 22-year old artist, and my family and I (me + my father and younger sibling) have been homeless since November 2021. It's a long story. TL;DR version is at the same time, while I was living with a friend and my dad + younger sibling was on the road (he drove a van at the time) he had gotten into a diabetic coma and was fired by his job. Being fired meant he or my sibling didn't exactly have a home to go back to, as our relatives on both sides refused to help. At the same time, I was going to have to find someplace else since my friends grandmother was entering the late stages of her life and they had to transfer her to the nursery, meaning there was a lot of things his family had to take care of and I couldn't be there. They allowed my father, sibling and I to stay there for two weeks to give us time to find someplace else.

While I was there, I'd been doing commissions to help their family out with food, and since it was either the streets or living under a roof; I told my friend to take us to a nearby motel since we had enough for a day, and we could figure things out from there. So since then, I've been keeping us here by doing commissions ever since. Either of us haven't been able to obtain a job yet due to how hard it is for us to get our documents to get an id (we dont have a car at the moment, and saving money for the room and food is already tough as is), but recently we think we might be able to get my father's ID so he can work, were waiting on his lung condition to recover fully and get money saved up for the documents and all that before we apply to get them. So hope isn't fully lost for us, we just need to take care of some things for a while longer until then.

Recently, things have gotten worse again. We were paying weekly thanks to the help from my followers and commissions I was getting, but when we weren't able to pay for another, we went back to paying daily again. And immediately we were set back. For the past few days, we haven't been able to pay for one let alone food. We were able to pay most of it to at least stay here, thanks to the kindness of the staff, but they called us earlier to tell us if we couldn't pay everything tonight, then we'd have to leave. We owe 120 by 11pm tonight, and I thought maybe making a new post might help us since posting on my other socials hasn't done much for us lately.

My commissions are open, and if you're interested in helping us out via a commission you can contact me through my Tumblr dms since it's the easiest way to get to me. But if you can't help financially, which I totally understand, I know the economy is tough on all of us right now, please don't feel bad or anything. Reblogs also help us a ton, and it always means a lot to us.

For the commission info itself, I have it all packed into this link right here, along with examples of my art and prices. I draw mainly fantasy pertaining to the Dragon Age Series and although I know little to nothing about Baulders Gate, I have done some art of tavs before! I also do DnD work as well, so I'm used to drawing pretty unique characters. I'll also put some examples I have below. If you want something outside of that, I'm sure I can provide, just let me know upon your request! And I think that's all. Much love to you and thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day/night :)

#emergency aid #mutual aid #financial aid #aid #signal post #signal b00st #signal boosting #signal boost #boosting #b00st #artistsupport #artists on tumblr #dragon age #mass effect #emergency commissions #emergency art commissions #emergency #art commission info #open art commissions #digital painting #open commissions #ttrpg commissions #ttrpg art #dnd commission #dungeons and dragons #dnd campaign #homeless #clip studio art #digital artist #queer artist

[ineffable-rohese]

Good Omens, or the Disruption of Gay = Death

CW: historical homophobic violence and death

@queerfables recently wrote an excellent meta on slash fiction and the concept of "Taking Away the Glass". I had some thoughts, which I was going to add as a reblog, but this seems to spiraled away from the original post, so I'm posting this on its own, but I'm referencing their ideas and references, so maybe go read that first.

This is especially for those of you who are, say, under 25 (which is apparently most of Tumblr), and who haven't had much opportunity to learn queer history. Let me say, I'm not a queer historian. I am a queer who has lived through recent history and can reasonably clearly remember the last at least 35 years of it, and I was fortunate to have had schooling that did include some earlier queer history and didn't shy away from queer topics. (I recognize now what a revolutionary bit of teaching that was.)

I also want to acknowledge that I'm writing from a place of relative privilege, as a white cis woman living in a progressive part of North America, and that some of what is history for me is still life for others. I am speaking from my own personal experiences here -they are by no means universal. But I think it's important for us to share our stories, so this is part of mine.

When You're Dying in America, at the End of the Millenium

Fables quotes a video by thingswithwings as saying "Homosexuality, or just loving touch between two people of the same gender, is equivalent to death in this media narrative." In the 1980s and 1990s, when Good Omens was written and first published, that wasn't a metaphor. When I was a baby proto-queer, what I heard about being gay was that it killed you.

My formative memories of what it meant to be gay weren't pride parades or even riots. It was gay men dying by the thousands and governments and religious leaders ignoring them at best, and welcoming their deaths at worst. To be gay, and a gay man in particular, was to be marked for death. It wasn't until a straight white boy who got it from a blood transfusion died that AIDS became something that "normal" people had any empathy for and governments really started to act.

The gay representation I rember in the media as a moderately sheltered child from the 80s and 90s with left-of-center middle class white parents was news about AIDS, Philadelphia (death from AIDS), Ellen (cancelled after she came out), and eventually RENT (desperately trying not to die of AIDS or capitalism). I knew a very small handful of out gay adults, and no trans adults at all.

My first time being in a large group of queer people was a vigil for Matthew Sheppard, who had been beaten and left to die tied to a fence. I remember being terrified. I wasn't out yet. I knew people who hated us might be there, this group of mostly young queer people gathering with candles to cry over a boy we'd never met, and over the many others who had died just for being what we were. I'd never even kissed a girl yet. I only knew my queerness in relation to death.

In the last decade or so of the 20th century, being queer was about grasping any bit of joy you could from a world that very clearly would prefer you were dead. It was defiance and anger and fear every time you held your love's hand, or kissed them in public. My second date with the person who would become my spouse was interrupted by some dude in a truck shouting slurs at us was we walked down a quiet street. We laughed it off - no one had thrown anything, or beaten us, so it wasn't a big deal. It should have been a big deal, but we couldn't let it be. When you're marked for misery and death, you can't let the little things get to you. You just hold each other's hands as tightly as you can and defiantly keep walking.

An Angel and a Demon and Immortality

Good Omens was written during some of the darkest days of the AIDS epidemic (which is still ongoing, by the way), before there were effective treatments, when gay = death. It is a mainstream, mass-market book. It wouldn't be shelved in the "Gay and Lesbian" section at the book store, it would be shelved with humour, or possibly fantasy.

And yet, here we have these two beings. An angel and a demon, with an unlikely friendship, and who are very clearly written as gay. Or, at least, as percieved as gay by outside observers. Aziraphale in particular is (in one of my favorite lines) "gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide," and "THE southern pansy" (self-proclaimed). Together, they are "consenting bicycle repairmen" (Neil Gaiman's explanation for context) who Anathema was safe with the whole time.

Whether you caught the subtextual shippyness of their relationship (and to be honest, I only did a little when I first read it), they were very obviously written as precieved-gay characters, in a story where their precieved gay-ness wasn't the cause of their downfall. Yes, an 11 year old calls Aziraphale a faggot. But he doesn't get arrested or beaten of killed - he just gets covered in cake. And he loves cake! The attempted insult just rolls off him like water off a duck's back, because he has no pressure not to be visibly gay.

Becuase, see, unlike us humans, unlike his gay contemporaries, he is not marked for death. He's an angel. He's immortal. Even more, he was made by God, exactly how God wanted, presumably, and that is intelligent, English, and so very gay.

Niel and Terry are saying so much here. You can be gay and loved. You can be gay and have a deep relationship. You can be gay because that's how God made you. You can be gay forever, through all time, with someone beside you, finding joy in your life.

You can be gay and not die. You can be gay and live.

#good omens meta #queer history #aids history #this one's personal #neil gaiman #terry pratchett #death #hiv/aids #homophobia

[forgottenluck]

Headed Towards 2024!

2023 in Retrospect

2023 has been.....a year. There were a lot of changes for me this year, and though not a lot with Koun changed, a lot happened irl. I didn't talk about a lot of it, though I did mention a few things here and there when I had enough energy to be online.

It's been....hectic.

A lot of life changes have happened; Being kicked out of our apartment due to a shitty landlord, my mother having a bunch of medical changes...then moving into a nursing home, Me finally being out on my own and no longer tied down by her.....I've gotten a promotion at work, finally able to make a difference there enough for even my DM to notice me.

Things are still rocky. I'm still finding my footing, working to figure out ways to boost my income since i no longer have to be wary of that. It's a lot. A lot to take in, a lot to adjust too.

Those who helped me keep going

I know that I was absent quite a bit...more so than I normally am on here. But there's been a few people who have really helped me keep going, helped me to want to be on here, helped me when things were dark. People who have stuck with me despite me vanishing from time to time because my energy to write comes and goes as my ADHD hits me with new hyperfocuses. Below are the people who have continued to check up on me, offer support when I needed it, and all around been very active with me OOC and IC.

@bishonenprince - You are seriously a light that I'm not sure I would be the same without. I know we just met this year, but I already consider you one of my closest friends on tumblr. You've managed to stick with me, despite me going dark a few times, been understanding to it. Our muses have such an interesting dynamic, and I can't wait to see how it grows. They'll likely still have their fights, still have bumps....that's just who they are. But Sora can't shake Koun, just like it'll be massively difficult for you to shake me.

@ofstarsandskies - Kika you lovable dork, You've been there in the background, liking posts, and we've spoken OOC quite often. I absolutely love how you and your muses are so supportive, and it means an absolute bunch to me that you've stuck around despite Koun being an absolute dick at times. I absolutely look forward to the new year, and possibly a new Koun for the brothers to interact with. He's softening...definitely.

@pastelfates - Verius my love, you've stuck with me for so long now, I don't exactly know what to do without you. This year was hard on me, and some of the things you did to help me, and cheer me up mean the world to me. I can't explain how much these things helped me, boosted my mood when I was in really dark places. I know you probably thought they were very little things....but to me, they meant the world. Eventually I'll figure out a way to repay you for all you've done for me....eventually.

@morifactory - In the same vein as Verius, Lena you've really been there in the background, silently supporting me. Earlier this year was...hectic. In all the wrong ways, and I'm glad that we've managed to go past it. I do plan on attempting to rp with more of your characters, (you just have so many I don't know where to start aaaaaaaaaAAAAA) but I look forward to this new year with you, and know that if you ever need anything, you can always count on me.

@loversquiver - Yukari my dear, though you aren't on tumblr much anymore, we definitely continue stuff OOC on discord. You're constantly checking in on me, making sure I'm okay. This means so much to me, and I really can't wait to see what the new year brings for these two dorks!

@taleswritten - Jay, I know we don't write nearly as much, but what we do, I absolutely love. I love that we communicate OOC, and you haven't been run off by my open-ness. This coming year I am gonna try to reach out to people more, you included, but I loved meeting you this year.

The people above are those who have stood out to me, made continous efforts, or have been with me for a long time. They mean a lot to me, and I can't wait to continue our stories together.

New friends that I've made just this year and can't wait to make more memories together!: @sootbled/@sootborn, @ama-tcra-su, @bonescribes, @thalassancharm, @talesofourworlds, @hxroic-wxlls

Good friends that I love to see on my dash! We might not have interacted much this year but hopefully next year! @juwul, @alm1ghtysea, @serenitasmusas, @miraiconnection, @ad-simul

If you're not on the list above, please don't fret. I likely just missed you! I do interact with a decent amount of people, and if we haven't interacted in a while, then it's likely i missed you. I appreciate every single one of my followers, and those who interact with me!

Moving into 2024

My plans for this next year....are a lot. For this blog, for tumblr in general, for my life.

This blog won't change much. I do want to reach out to more people, write more in general. I enjoy writing, I do! I just have to take breaks every few months to recharge so that I don't completely get burnt out on it. Koun is my second longest character to stay with me (the first is Erika for those of you who remember the cute little cupcake.). I do want to write more in general. Interact with more people, Help Koun grow more.

For tumblr in general, I do plan on reopening a multimuse sideblog. Well...a few, tbh. One of them is still in the works, but @zcrosht is almost fully functional. I need to get a few more icons made, and some graphics done (if anyone's willing to help me out on graphics that'd be lovely.) and the Rules/bios up, but It's ready to rp with! It'll be my first time rping Canon characters, so it'll be interesting.

For my life goals....I want to get a bit more financially stable. I'm going from only spending 250 a month on rent to 450-500, and despite the promotion it's still a bit difficult. I'll need to figure out how to boost that up without finding a new job (because I like my job now and I need to get supervisor experience so when I do go into a new job i can go in as a supervisor to get more money than grunt work.). It's going to be a learning curve....but I think I can handle it. I've made it this far.....I can keep going. I also plan on changing my diet and working to get a bit fitter.....I'm too close to 200lbs and I don't like it. (I look tiny though I do not know where all this weight is how the hell does this work--). I also need to go to the doctor for some health related issues that I need to get addressed. (mainly sleep and possibly ADHD meds....who knows.)

In general....I'm the happiest I've been in years. I'm the calmest I've been in years. The changes that happened in 2023...I think were for the better. Once I get all the kinks figured out.....I'll be good. It's a new chapter, and i think....I think it's a good one.

#{out of luck} ooc #2023 in retrospect #Goodbye 2023 #Hello 2024 #Happy New Year

[delunesnumberonefan]

sketch time

you will sit down. you will look at my horrible little women. And You Will Appreciate Them

no this is NOT going under a cut you will see the blood sweat and tears i put into belialah's demon form and you will appreciate it, me, and saskia's off the charts world class monsterfucker status

we got saskia. we're familiar with saskia--or at least you should be. go look at the art by korppipoika and give them so many notes--this post will wait. and while you're out, look at the post about the matriarchs too. and if you're not up to date on saskia and belialah, here's another one for your list. i'll be here when you get back.

up to date? excited? horny? me too!!

so we got those two. in order for the images: saskia (recent), belialah (first draft, still happy with this and haven't been able to capture this vision since)

we got their dynamic:

saskia being a bitch and belialah being, despite everything, head over heels. still can't quite nail belialah's human face, but we're learning

...it took me a long time to nail down belialah's demon form. it went through a lot of drafts---many of which i am not sharing. this one is the oldest one i'm willing to share:

i believe this is draft 3? patch notes from earlier drafts: 4 fingers instead of three, took out "humanoid" eyes, added floaty halo bits. other than that, this is what it's mostly stayed true to. chase gave me an inspo and i remixed it and made it worse because i love body horror. so we have this! extra joint between the wrist and elbow, loads and loads of eyes, sharp teeth (yum!), wings, and a broken halo plus the big horn. love her. she has spider legs below her waist--she has "skirts" that are made from her skin that she usually wears (has?) over them.

made some eensy sketches for ideas:

i tinkered on size, proportion, posture, etc. it's vague, but not exact for either of them. i want a bigger height difference and this is for me first and foremost

i settled on this body type for saskia:

no nipples so she's not naked :) this is for anatomy reference, tumblr. ANATOMY. be so nice to me ;-;

ignore the stuff at the edges, this is part of a larger project idk if i'll finish where i look at all the matriarchs and their body types. saskia is the most...well, besides ethalind, the most hourglass shape. this is the most recent drawing of her i have besides the one at the very end, this is the one i would say is most canon. hence why it is included--the last one i have doesn't quite hit right for me. still working on consistency.

as i improved my art, i wanted to take another stab at belialah. which meant figuring out her lower half.

i did these ones reeaaally recently. i looked at so many things for inspo: crabs, spiders, human pelvises, centaur speculative biology, drider speculative biology, an introspective look at how much of a monsterfucker i am, etc. until i found something i was happy with. these are within the last few days. the lil sketches at the far bottom right of the first page are what i settled on. after that, i tinkered with how she looks with skirts vs no skirts---ignore the sword, it's no longer accurate to what it actually looks like, but that's endgame shit and no spoilers :)

i'm really happy with how she's turned out and i think she's kickass and awesome and i can't wait to beat her and saskia into the ground.

and then we have:

team gaslight gatekeep girlboss :)

i drew this last night!! really happy with how my art is coming along. i hesitated on whether to draw the skirts, because i think the spider legs are so fucking cool and i know logically the skirts are there but tbh its funner drawing the spider legs than the skirts :(

i want to make it very clear: belialah is submissive in the way a guard dog is submissive, to quote a post i once tagged as gilt and lost. belialah is loyal, devoted, willing to protect--but will wait for an order before acting

btw, to make something else clear: saskia? saw the demon form first. is more attracted to the demon form than the human form. is far more willing to smash with belialah in demon form. i love my weirdest little freak of a woman <3

ok that's all bye

#roselyn talks #roselyn's art #love and war #saskia tag #belialah tag #the empress and her shadow #please come talk to me about the worst women in the world i love them so #body horror #too many eyes #eyes cw #idk what to tag #sorry i forgot these initially i hope i got them in time :<

[alexanderlightweight]

Hey can I ask something?

If you prefer to answer this in private message that's really fine, but it seemed somehow rude to send it to you in PM 🤔.

Quite a while ago (could be months really, live has been quite hectic for me lately) I sent you an ask about 2 songs I felt suited Magnus' and Alec's POV respectively for quite a few of your 'verses. It wasn't necessarily meant as a prompt but I had been curious about your opinion on them.

you never seemed to have posted about it and now I was wondering if tumblr ate my ask or if something in the ask itself brought up something bad for you (just so I can avoid that in the future) or if perhaps it's a third option I hadn't even thought of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

either way, thanks for all your glorious writing work! it's a thing of beauty (aka to me it's a joy forever!)

hey!

so you're absolutely okay asking and i'll answer publically because i have like a dozen song prompts in my inbox and drafts and I'm sure there are others curious but jsyk, it's okay to send a pm asking stuff. i don't find it rude cause i know from experience that sometimes its less nerve racking than sending an ask

i know its different for everyone but just putting it out there ^_^

so music is really hit or miss for me. i'll listen to the same playlists and artists for a couple years without expanding because the sensory input of new songs can be a little much. i don't really have a way to vet whether or not the music will be too much for me and things have been so busy and (noisy and loud and overwhelming) that i haven't really tried to listen to new music in a couple of months.

@saryn-prime has to listen to a lot of their music on headphones instead of n speakers and oftentimes i'll listen to the same song on repeat for hours. if i'm overstimulated even a song i love can set off a migraine and certain tunes or tempos can send my mood spiraling, rising or plummeting without my say so

so (especially when i want to actually kind of really explore a song and give it a chance and also enjoy it in regards to malec or writing) i'm saving like the dozen songs for when i have the spoons to process and possibly enjoy the songs.

Saeth turned on music earlier and i lasted two songs before i was asking them to turn it to safe playlist (which they immiedately did).

btw i love getting music and song reccomendations in regards to malec and shadowhunters or in general. i've been inspired for some really fun fics and ideas, but atm my brain isn't up to that kind of processing :/

pray to the hunters i like to write with the song playing in the background but i cant currently handle the tempo/voices/percussion mix so i haven't been writing or playing it

so i have them and probably in a few weeks or a month my brain will be back to processing music appropriately and i can enjoy the songs shared with me

i hope this makes sense

<3 lumine

#lumine talks to ppl #lumine answers asks

[lorirwritesfanfic]

Do you have any fics in the works? Tell us about them!Looking forward to any other writer's upcoming fics? Tell us about them too!

My wip folder is never empty, darling. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing to say it, given the number of unfinished works I have there, but oh well...

I haven't had much time to write. You know... real life, bills, family, more bills... 😵 and of course I procrastinate a lot (I blame Netflix Brasil for getting Downton Abbey and all the Turkish diziler I find online 🤦🏻‍♀️). But I write sometimes. Not every day. Not most days of the week as I used to do before. But I'm still writing.

The one wip I'm actually half way through is a Hamid x MC xmas fic. I know you're thinking "but it's almost February! And Prince Hamid is Muslim!" and you're right. But Daphne is Christian, very fond of Christmas, Hamid loves a nice social gathering and finding any reason to tease his favorite girl and we do not follow the real life calendars in here, so why not?

Among the series I write, earlier this month I was working on Meant To Be (Desire & Decorum modern day AU) chapter... 27? (I lost count... 🙈) Anyway, I think the next two chapters will finally explain why I label it as a Soulmates AU. There's a Sinclaire and Daphne awkward scene here, a little Sinclaire x Alisha moment there... But nothing too dramatic for now.

There's also Jade and Liam's For The World to Know. Tbh I have no idea what chapter I am (I'm getting super lazy on this because Tumblr and AO3 count the chapters automatically for me 😅). They're just a couple of weeks away from the wedding, they're getting joint a bachelor and bachelorette party, there's some heart to heart talk with Hana (these girls need it), Leo is joining them in Vegas (and we all know he often brings drama) and there's Drake situation to be solved. I'm close to reaching the end of FTWTK and I wish I could really start Happily Ever After (instead of just posting a few one shots of them married) because I've been daydreaming about the plot for years (the story will be soooooo good, ugh!), but I don't know... If I managed to finish FTWTK (or just The Fives Stages since there's only two more chapters left), I'll take it as a win.

Last year, I also remembered I never finished my Bloodbound series. A while ago, I got a comment on AO3 from someone who wanted me to extend the series and I thought about doing it, but at this point I wouldn't know how to do it. I'd probably have to create a new plot since the one I started back then is nearly solved. But that would demand time to replay Bloodbound to find inspiration and, unluckily, that's something I don't have lately. I started planning a chapter with Adrian x OC (any Adrian stans still out there?), then I'll write one more chapter to wrap it up.

There are other Desire & Decorum AUs and a TRR AU, but I haven't touched those wips in months... I rather not make any promises regarding any of those stories for now.

Other than that, there are a few one shots planned:

A Thomas Mendez x Ayla (+ Stephanie and Luz) inspired by one of my favorite Brazilian memes and a scene of a 2010 romcom. I can't explain why I'm doing this... The muse wants what the muse wants 😂

A few ficlets (or short stories, depending on how inspired I am when I actually sit down to write) to answer some OTP asks for Hamid x Daphne and Nate x Stella (TWC). I was debating if I'd include Liam x Jade, but I might give away the plot of Happily Ever After in one of the questions, so nope 😅

When it comes to other people's stuff, I don't know... I'm not super active on Choices (or any fandom, for that matter) and I'm not familiar with most of the fandom and what people have been writing lately. I do have my faves (@missameliep @lilyoffandoms @storyofmychoices @princess-geek @noesapphic ) and they still write from time to time, but I'm not going to pester them for new fics. They have their own lives and write whenever they can. As a fan of their work, I respect their writing pace and I'm simply glad they're still here.

Thanks for the ask, anon!

#lori answers #anon ask #fanfiction #wip folder

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

Part 2 of The Gods have found us (Megatron help us all.)

Repost, because I didn't know how Tumblr worked the first time I posted this.

Cody woke up and dug himself out of the towel, looking around at his new surroundings. He shrugged off his coat and pants, taking off the t-shirt and undershirt. He put the t-shirt back on, and found that his other clothes, along with some rags and the bag that he had been offered earlier, had been used to stuff the old datapad cover that made up the makeshift sleeping pad underneath him.

The tank was about the size of the tray, maybe a bit smaller. The toilet was in one corner, and there was a shade that reminded him of the little hides you can buy for some reptiles above his head, pushed flat against the wall with a little rounded knob that lowered it down, casting the area in shadow and making it dark enough that he could sleep even with the lights on. Cody heard Tarn chuckle, the sound making him giddy. He reached into the tank and pulled a little ring on the top of the shade, and Cody watched the knob rotate as the shade was pulled up.

"Oh, don't say you are sleepy yet? The last time you were out for twelve hours. That's no fun. How about you eat something? You haven't had much more than water and a swallow or two of the cleanser."

Cody heard a bell ring, and a packaged bar of… something came out of a dispenser. It was in a language he didn't understand. He opened the orange package, and the bell rang again. A packet with one clear side, showing that it was filled with a white paste with a symbol Cody recognized as a cybertronian medical emblem, was stamped on the corner. The bar looked like a blocky granola bar, with what looked like bits of cured meat and grain embedded into it. He opened the packet too, the sweet artificial medicine smell making him wrinkle his nose.

He looked up at Tarn, who was watching him intently. He knew that one way or another, he would end up eating both packages. Whether it was by force or not was up to him.

He popped the corner of the clear packet and stuck it in his mouth, expecting it to taste horrible. Surprisingly, it tasted a bit like cheap, too sugary frosting. He set the packet aside to finish with some water and bit into the bar. It tasted like beef jerky and cheap trail mix without the candy. Willing to try something, Cody spread a little bit of the paste on the bar. Yep, that was good. He knew it would get old quickly, but at least he wouldn't bechoking down the alien equivalent of dog kibble. He moved away from the dispensers and to the water spout, washing down the rest of the food with it.

Tarn directed him to throw the garbage into the waste disposal as if he had used it normally. Feeling tired, he turned the shade back over his bed and fell asleep to the sounds of Nickel and Tarn talking in a language he didn't understand.

Tarn had to hide his amusement as Cody discovered that Nickel had sweetened the mix of dietary supplements and growth blockers she had added to a flavorless edible paste. The individually wrapped treats, meant for much bigger omnivorous pets, were the perfect size and calorie content to be the base of Cody's diet. Just enough for his minimal activity level and daily needs while also keeping him pleasantly full.

"When did Swindle say he would be stopping by to make the deal?" Nickel said, rummaging through her storage closet. "We are getting low on some things, and if you are serious about keeping the little monkey in its organic state, we will need more than a couple weeks' worth of supplies. I am talking about buying multiple years' worth in advance if we are serious about it. Cyber formation of an organic organism is not an exact science, and I am not entirely sure about how reliant on energon he will be after it's complete.

"A few weeks, in earth rotations, of course. Worst case scenario, I make a vehicon use an online grocery shopping service, and you have to defrost a few meals in the heat scanner."

He left, and Nickel shut down the medbay for the night and curled up on one of the medical beds.

The next morning, Tarn woke up to a call from Megatron. He answered it, willing himself to act a lot more awake than he actually was.

"Tarn, I have wonderful news. We captured the helicopter and the female human alive, and the fire truck is on borrowed time, seen ranting and raving while shooting at anything that moves. Knockout tells me that the kid likely caused his parental coding to go haywire and caused him to lash out when he was suddenly taken away. The same could be said about the other human pets and their guardians. The helicopter is timid and very submissive, and the female is rowdy but is easily reasoned with. The plans have changed, and I don't intend on reuniting the two humans. Do with the kid as you will, but procure four vials of liquid cyber metal for me. The human's short lifespan is a weakness I can't afford, not until the helicopter has been fully indoctrinated. As soon as supplies are secured, I want your ship out of range of earth for as long as the human stays alive."

"Understood. Are their plans to capture and cyber form the human that learned cybex? I know Soundwave had an interest in him."

"Unfortunately, yes. My third in command is quite insistent on taking it with us."

"So four vials of cyber metal, along with space stable supplies for all of them? I assume you will be partially covering the cost?"

"Yes, but any materials sourced for the human in your possession is out of your funds. The drugs you use to arrest the human's natural aging process are expensive."

"Affirmative. I will amend the order with Swindle at the soonest convenience." Megatron ended the call, and Tarn called Swindle and increased the order, informing him that the Decepticons will be footing the bill for the cyber metal, so be generous with his pricing. Swindle agreed, hearing the threat in his voice. No price gouging or convenience fees would be tolerated this time.

As directed, Tarn had the ship duck behind Saturn to make the deal.

Swindle's ship docked with Tarn's, and he had his workers load up the decepticon purchased supplies while he haggled the price of the goods bought with Tesarus's funds. As much as he owed Tarn way more than the contents of his savings account, Tarn still didn't want to set a precedent.

"Yeah, you got a deal." Swindle said, barely tamping down the irritation in his voice as he was forced to sell four vials of cyber matter, two water tanks with filtering attachments, and two decades worth of organic pet treats for much lower margins than he would have liked. Well, time to see if he can upsell a little bit. "I also have a few options for if the organic you're buying these supplies for gets a bit too rowdy. Non addictive, fairly mild, and doesn't have the rather … smelly drawbacks of some of the more conventional products. Just keeps them nice and cuddly, with an entertaining high that wears off quickly and transitions to nice, drowsy, affectionate organic that will stay still for medical exams, stay calm around loud noises, and makes them all around easier to handle."

"Appreciate the offer, but he has warmed up beautifully to the ship. I have seen what high humans do, and I do not find it entertaining to see its intelligence drop to nothing but its bare instincts. Besides, it's too young. Mind altering substances can curb its remarkable brain function."

"Oh? Do tell? Do you think it might be an outlier of its own species?"

"Perhaps. It caught Lord Megatron's attention by effortlessly charming and commanding bots many times its size without a single threat or controlling device." Tarn said, just a hit of his Voice leaking into his speech, threatening death if Swindle got any ideas on who owned Cody. Cody was Tarn's, in every way he wanted to own him, until he decided that he wasn't. He doubted he would get bored of such an interesting creature, especially once the cyber-forming process starts and he gets to watch Cody change.

He heard rumors about how cuddly and malleable the cyber forming process makes the affected organic. How pure and strong the spark bond is, how vulnerable it makes it as it dampens the victim's memories but keeps its personality and core traits whole and untouched.

Tarn had already made the arrangements with Nickel to open up the hold that was installed to secure Cody against the outer walls of his spark chamber during his retrieval. As it stood, the space was too small to be useful while out on the hunt, with no way for Cody to see outside. He would have to acclimatize Cody to the glory of the List and to worship Megatron slowly, in order to make sure he became a true believer, not just a scared pet.

The first step was to get a strong spark bond established after the cyber formation, in order for Tarn to use it to sooth and prime Cody to associate the noises of the hunts with good things, like attention and the gentle, warm embrace of a parent bond.

Swindle's men finished unloading the supplies and loaded themselves back onto the merchant ship, Swindle following behind them.

Tarn closed the cargo bay's inner door before Swindle's ship detached from the dock and flew off.

Tarn looked through the supplies that were dropped off, splitting up what was for Cody and what was going to the Nemesis. The two orders had been separated by the intended location as usual, but Tarn still liked to snoop sometimes. He set aside two boxes of a different flavor of the treats he had been feeding Cody, this one in a light pink box instead of an orange one, certain that he could introduce them to him as a reward for cooperating with Tarn.

He put an emergency bottle of oxygen in his subspace, knowing that even if Cody never needed it before he was cyber-formed, it would make a good makeshift grenade. He picked up the boxes and opened the door to leave, ordering Vos and Helex to put away the stuff meant for the Peaceful Tyranny as he walked to the medbay.

He set down the boxes of food and went over to the tank. Cody was laying under the sun lamp, enjoying the warmth on his skin, pretending that he was still on Griffin Rock. Nickel thought he looked pale, and Cody was curious about what the skinny light bulb mounted on a swivel join on one side of the tank was. She turned it on when he asked about it, setting a twenty minute timer so he didn't burn.

Those delusions were shattered when Tarn turned off the lamp, swore in cybex when he melted his paint off one finger on the hot bulb, then yelled at Nickel when she made him treat and cool his hand down before picking up Cody.

Cody scrambled to stand up, getting a drink of water before standing out in the open for when Tarn eventually picked him up. He heard a hiss and a grunt as Nickel cooled off Tarn's hand and a grinder as she removed the melted paint. He swore again when Nickel activated the berth restraints, pulling him flat against the table, and, by the sounds of it, started to do something painful to his chest.

Finally, after Nickel finished up and cooled his hand again, Tarn scooped up Cody and held him against his chest. Cody squirmed a bit but got into a more comfortable position on his back and stayed still, not knowing what Tarn intended to do.

Tarn opened the middle section of his chest plate, and the pocket expanded to be a rather cozy size. Cody guessed that was what Nickel was doing when she forced him onto the table.

He showed it to the human, pointing out the little vid screen he had installed on the inside of the space, wirelessly connected to multiple cameras and microphones he could stick in the gaps of his plating, along with access to some simple children's programming to decompress after a successful hunt.

After showing him how to turn the screen off and on and what each button did, he closed his chest back up and decided to get some cuddles in. What's the point of kidnapping an adorably soft organic if you aren't going to pet it?

Remembering the few times he had seen an organic with its young, he put Cody against his chest, making sure that his arms and legs weren't being squished by his body. He hummed happily as the youngling's instincts took over and curled up its body, his knees covering up his vulnerable organs while his hands reached up to be by his face. His delicate spine was just barely visible through his skin, and the big, oversized garment he had worn without fail for days sagged off his back. Tarn took a breath, increased the temperature of his hands a little above human room temperature, and tried something. He rubbed circles into Cody's upper back, encouraged by the way his muscles relaxed farther than he had ever before.

Tarn's treatment of Cody reminded himself of the rare times when his siblings and dad were out of the house or upstairs and Heatwave had gently plucked him from the couch or wherever he had sat down with a few toys or a game and held him in one of his hands, sometimes gently rubbing or tapping his back, as if he was a stubborn infant refusing a nap.

The first couple times, he had struggled, but it was one of those rare times that none of his family was in the house but him. Heatwave just did something to warm up his hands and held him until Cody hit that temperature where he felt sleepy and content, even despite the fact he hadn't taken regular afternoon naps since he was six and was very uncomfortable pressed against the hard glass of Heatwave's chest. He then set Cody back on the red couch, his parental coding satisfied.As time wore on and Chief got a bit more comfortable with having the bots babysit and touch Cody, Heatwave picked him up more often, sometimes shifting around a few panels in the back of his cab and letting Cody nap to the sound of his spark beat, careful to never let the light of his spark peak through. That wasn't his place, and he wasn't sure that humans could bond platonically anyway, being organic.

He was almost found out a few times, when Cody fell asleep in his cab after a mission, or relaxed a little too fast reflexively into his hands the few times he had picked him up to get him out of harm's way. The other bots covered for him that time, trusting that he would never do anything inappropriate to the little human.

Cody didn't say anything either, not knowing if his family would even believe him. He knew Heatwave had left a child behind on Cybertron, and Heatwave didn't hurt him or touch him anywhere he wasn't supposed to, so he just let the bot pick him up to get it over with.

Tarn was different, a little more detached with him, but seemed to care a little more about him each time Cody saw him. And boy, was he fighting the urge to stretch out and take a nap. Oh, what the heck, he would probably just put him down if he didn't like Cody moving.

Tarn reflexively tilted his arm to support the human, who had stretched his arms backwards, his joints and spine releasing a chorus of soft pops before it yawned and curled back up.

Nickel had a disgusted look on her face. "I could have gone my entire life without hearing the sound of that fleshy popping its spine." She said in cybex, examining the chrome cyber metal in its glass vial before locking it in storage. "You sure you want to wait on cyber forming it? It will throw off the order of the List."

"Hmm." Tarn replied, also in cybex. "The List does outweigh my own priorities, but I would like to have a bit more time to introduce Cody to the rest of the crew, and lay down some ground rules. He hasn't even been to the shrine yet, but I would rather he be introduced to that when his mind is fresh and open to suggestion. By the way, I, of course, will be acting as his Sire. It's only fair, he is most comfortable with me." Tarn removed a bulky plate from the door of his chest compartment, a purple tinted window showing the inside of his chest pocket.

He opened the door and slid Cody inside it, turning on the screen for him and putting the plate into his subspace. He smirked as he got a popup notification that Cody had picked a cutesy animated movie to watch as Tarn made sure he wouldn't go squish.

"All crew to the bridge." He barked into his comm link, sitting in his captain's chair. He could feel Cody's head pressed against the back wall of the pocket and felt glee at the idea that he was so close to his spark.

Soon.

Soon, he will have an apprentice, a backup vocalist to his kills to make the hunt that much sweeter.

All he needed to do was give him the tools to sing.

#The Gods have found us (Megatron help us all) #tfrb cody #maccadam #transformers rescue bots #rescue bots #Darkmount au

[aesa]

◸ March 2023 - Monthly Wrap-Up ◿

- Stats -

Words written this month: 3690 ╰┈➤ Worldbuilding Archive: + 276 ╰┈➤ Snake Oil (outline): +3414 Books read: 0 ╰┈➤ Reading: The Secret History, Donna Tartt Goals achieved: 0 (lol)

Let me start off by saying apologies for the lack of activity and content on my blog for the past month. The month of March was spent adjusting to work/university, hence writing and Tumblr had been neglected for the better half of the month...

however,

One thing that I've realised this month is that my current method of only worldbuilding first, then writing isn't working. The plot of a story is too closely tied to worldbuilding and character development, so much that it is impossible to treat them as separate aspects. On a whim, I decided to retcon my current method of writing - instead of worldbuilding as much as I can before starting my WIPs, I will be doing both at the same time. Plotting, outlining and drafting my books, using worldbuilding as a tool to drive character development and plot progression. This way I will also be able to limit how much I world build - by focusing on details that are relevant, or at least appear in my stories rather than wasting time on details that won't see the light of day.

With that being said, as you can see with my statistics above: I am working on my first WIP! I have begun outlining the plot points of Snake Oil and creating/developing the main characters. The first outline was a very rough ~1300 word list of about 100 dot points. Now, I am working on a more detailed outline- delving deeper into each of these points. So far I have written almost 2,000 words and I haven't even moved past the 4th plot point! Alongside this, I am still adding to the Worldbuilding Archive whenever any worldbuilding is necessary.

So, yeah!

I am much more confident that this month I can achieve the goals meant for March in the month of April as I will finally have writing content to share! And as I stated earlier, I apologise for not being active on Tumblr. Once I finish writing this post I am going to go through my notes and catch up on what you guys have been doing!

- Goals for April -

Words: 10,000 Books: 2 Begin posting worldbuilding snippets Writing updates (?) Instagram (?)

- Song of the Month - Dedicated to the release of Lana Del Rey's new album. I'm speechless. Let The Light In, Grandfather, Fishtail, Peppers, Taco Truck x VB >>> (in that order).

#Monthly Wrap-Up #writing progress #Spotify

[cloudyvoidsxo]

What Are Martha's Thoughts On Shoni ?

(Edited to clear things up, may have to re-read as I added new points, original reblog / post below. Original points in reblog! Apologies for making it so long! < 3)

It's mind blowing how you said this through a Tumblr post! Looking back, Martha did not seem to look that happy. When she confronted Toni about telling Shelby so much about her, you could clearly tell she was upset. But if I can remember correctly, she also told Shelby a lot about Toni when they were getting close back in S1. I think the reason, or at least one of the reasons Martha isn't completely on board with the Shoni relationship is, back before they all got sick, they were eating the first food they had had in days and Shelby told everyone that she believed that way of life is a sin (she believed being gay or lgbtq was a sin ) and she doesn't support it. I think this is what Martha is worried about. She doesn't want to see Toni get hurt again, so her knowing Shelby's beliefs, she is hesitate of their relationship!

(When she 1st sees them kissing she’s visibily shocked…and not in a good way!😱Even the background music is kind of tense…)

(And when she speaks to Fatin and she discovers they’ve been together for a whole week it seems she feels betrayed. Maybe just by the fact Toni didn’t tell her, But what if the whole thing is not suiting her?🤔)

^ In this photo, she is clearly shocked and taken aback of what she was witnessing. But just by the unsettling music in the background, and the way her facial expression changes during this scene, always gave me an off vibe. I understand why she would be shocked, and why the music was so tense, but it always felt more?

^ Moving to this scene, from a first watch / glance, you can tell Martha is supporting of the relationship, as is everyone else. But when she was talking to Toni, she sounded like she was throwing a tad bit of shade in my opinion. "You know I sweat buckets, I don't want to heat you up." "Feel free to give my spot to someone else though" (forgot exact script) Like, I know I wasn't the only one who thought she was throwing Toni just a tad bit of shade for keeping such a big secret from her. Just the overall vibe she was giving Toni was not it. She probably means no harm towards anyone, but considering Toni's anger issues and past relationship, plus the fact that Shelby was openly homophobic, she just wants to protect her best friend overall. Could be a stretch but i'm not sure.

(Exactly.We don’t know what“pill”Shelby chose and,most importantly, I can’t see what reason she could have to be on Gretchen’s side!)

^ Exactly!! Which is why i'm still confused of why people think Shelby could be a operative! She doesn't have or doesn't seem to have a solid reason. For example, Nora became an operative because she wanted to protect Rachel because she is her sister and she cares for her. I just don't see what gives Shelby a reason to be a operative.

(What if the fact Martha is often depicted in a violent mood next to the Shoni love scenes is a subtle way to suggest she’s actually not ok at all with the relationship and she will eventually do something to ruin it?I mean…she already did,actually ;-P,but I meant a little more intentionally…)

^ I could totally see this happening! But giving the circumstances, everyone (meaning the girls) are going to notice that their not together anymore. At this point im hoping some how they get back together, then Martha will try to break them up again?

^ Restating a point I made earlier, maybe she just isn't happy with the relationship because she doesn't want Toni to get hurt? I mean, Toni told Martha what happened with Reagan AND Shelby was openly homophobic before she got with Toni. The only person who knows about Toni's past is Martha. She knows when Toni falls, she falls hard. She just wants to look after her best friend. Not saying this is possible but I haven't seen anyone say this yet but.. what if Martha likes, likes Toni? I mean, It would explain some things but i'm not sure. Its very unlikely but.. who knows?

^ (had to find a picture where they were in front of the group) She could also be jealous because they were bonding and Toni was spending all her time on Shelby? So it could be a parallel from S1, where Toni was jealous Martha was spending time with Shelby, now its the other way around? She was upset she was telling Shelby everything about her. (pretty sure you brought this up, couldn't find the part where you did though soz)

But Martha...you better not cause any drama between them. I know your unproblematic but you never know I guess.

Thoughts?

(Edited to clear things up, original reblog / post below)

#the wilds #the wilds season 2 #the wilds S2 #the wilds s2 #theories #reblog below #sorry this is a bit long had to post this regualrly #shelby x toni #what are martha's thoughts on shoni? #shoin #shoni #shonimybeloved #leatin #dotin #toni shalifoe #shelby goodkind #martha blackburn #dot campbell #leah rilke #theories of the wilds s2 #what are your thoughts?

[jjkeverlast]

Hi it's moonie

Sorry for writing after a few days from my last message but I had some stuff going on the past few days and I forgot that I meant to write to you 🙈

But I've been good it was my grandpa's birthday this weekend so I could see (and gossip) with my cousins 🫣(one of which I haven't seen since early July) so it was nice. I also had to drive someone to the city over two hours away so they could fix some stuff so I had a little car trip. But the most exciting thing that happened was that my youngest sister got a little kitten and she's so cute 🥺 and it's so nice to have a cat again after the last one has passed away 🥹

On a different note have you seen what Calvin Klein did to our boys beautiful nose 😠 I first saw one picture that someone posted on Twitter and it was really noticable but I just saw that they posted some pics on TikTok and I might be delusional but I could see that they edited his nose on other pics as well (although it's different angles so it doesn't catch the eye as easily) (and I might be wrong of course) but it made me so angry like not only does bangtan get whitewashed constantly now a company had the audacity to edit one of the main features on Jk face 😤

Anyway how are you? Do you have any traveling plans? How is your job hunting going? I hope that your cold is gone and that you feel better and that you have an amazing day (more like evening and night at this point) 💜

🌝

hi moonie babyyyy! thank you for checking in and dropping by with a quick update to everything. don’t ever apologize for not writing earlier! we all have things to do in our lives, and tumblr isn’t necessarily one of them.

happy birthday to your grandpa 🩷 hope he had a lovely day with you guys. i love gossiping with cousins, istg my cousins always have vile shit to tell me and i’m just like *sips straw* as they ramble sksjshsjs i feel you. car trips sound like a lot of fuuuun, especially with the right company~

awww a new kitty to the family 🤘🏽🥺 i love that a lot. that’s such great news. excited on your behalf to create new memories with herrrrr 💖

the fact i saw a good 5-10 tiktok’s after receiving your ask regarding that is insane to me. but yeah. i saw and i’m so disappointed. i wasn’t quick to notice but now i see it so clearly and it makes me sick how they even decided to do such a thing in the first place. jungkook has a beautiful nose so why tf should it be photoshopped??? doesn’t make any sense to me god. exactly, whitewashing is already an extreme thing circulating on the media, so for it to jump to obvious photoshopping has me stunned.

i’m doing okay. went on a date yesterday and had a lot of fun. other than that i’m about to travel to switzerland to visit some family for a few days so i might be a little inactive but yes i’m still looking for jobs! i’m holding my head up high. my cold is much better now. i still cough and sneeze a bit but it used to be way worse before, so huge progress indeed! i had a great day today. didn’t do much other than relax and write some planned fics 🩷

also, i’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well moonie.

#moonie <3 #anonie🌝 #lati's mailbox📬

[hanoella]

Affettuoso- With Feeling (Part 8)

Pairing: Bucky x Pianist!Reader

Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.

Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, PG-17 Romantic Content (oooooh), talk of sex

Part 8 Word Count: Just under 8k

A/N: It's starting to heat uppppppp👀. I always sort and curate the music so that you can listen to the music as you read the story and match the tone, starting from where I insert the song. Unfortunately, tumblr is being idiotic, and now I can't post the songs to play in-app for some reason. Sorry guys😭 If you haven't given it a try, I highly recommend!

Once again, thank you for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful.

Taglist!: @vicmc624 @officiallykuute @undiadeestos @tailsoflightning @buckys2thicc @mischief-siriusly-managed

Winter

Bucky looked in the mirror nervously, mussing his hair up. It was a bit longer than when he had first come to Louisiana, and he had been overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices when it came to men’s hair products. He thought it looked okay, using the man on the front of the packaging as reference. It was a good thing you two were taking your car. He wasn’t sure if his work would’ve survived the motorcycle helmet. Glancing over the rest of his ensemble, he gave himself a nod of assurance. It was concert weekend, and also the day you were going on your first date. After contemplating on when to go, you had suggested a late night dinner after that weeks second concert and Bucky had thought it was a fine idea at the time. Though, now, he realized that he would have to sit through the concert first.

He picked up the bouquet of flowers he had gotten with the hair product the other day and headed to the door. Before leaving, he bent down to pet a sleepy Alpine, who was currently dozing peacefully in the last rays of the sun for the day.

“Wish me luck.” He said to the cat, who purred in response.

He left and crossed the driveway to your house. Knocking on your screen door, he waited expectantly.

“Come in!” He heard you call from inside.

He opened the screen door and crossed the threshold. He’d done it plenty of times before, but this time felt different. Seeing that the living room and kitchen were empty, he headed down the hall to your bedroom, where the light was filtering out of. Cautiously opening the door, he saw you sitting at the vanity, dressed in your typical rehearsal outfit of a blouse and slacks, and putting on the final touches to your makeup. You blinked to adjust to the mascara and turned towards him, a smile spreading across your cheeks.

“Hey!” You stood up to hug him and then take him in. “You look great, Buck.”

“Thanks, you too.” He replied, still coming across rather stiff from the nervousness. You looked up at him, slightly amused but keeping it to yourself. After a moment of gazing at your features that were complemented by the makeup you had just put on, Bucky cleared his throat and gifted you the bouquet.

“Oh, these are beautiful. Thank you so much.” You said as you admired the large white peonies, accented by bundles of pink hydrangeas and various types of eucalyptus. A green satin bow held the stems together as you felt the velvety petals between your fingertips. You grabbed his hand afterwards and squeezed it as you held the bouquet to your chest. “Thank you,” you repeated as you looked up at him. Bucky felt slightly more at ease, giving you a small but genuine smile.

“Of course.”

You set the bundle down gently before going over to your bed and unzipping the garment bag and holding the dress out for him to see.

“Is this too much to wear for the concert and then dinner? I figured I’d dress a little simpler so I don’t stand out too much at the restaurant.”

Bucky stepped closer and touched the luxurious navy blue fabric. The dress was cut so that it had a slight halter neckline, exposing minimal shoulder. It wasn’t until he saw the bottom end of the dress that he caught a glimpse of what you normally liked to wear. Flowers and greenery adorned the bottom half of the skirt, detailed in such a way that it looked like they had been painted right on the dress. The soft pastel brushstrokes formed rounded petals and long wispy leaves.

“It’ll look great on you.” He said with affection in his tone. “But you don’t have to change anything for me. All the gowns that you wore before looked great too, but what really makes them is the fact that you’re wearing them.”

It was your turn to blush, turning slightly to try and hide the pink on your face. You thanked him softly before excusing yourself to the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers. As you were filling the vase with water, you held your hand to your cheek in an effort to cool down your face. Coming back to your room, you put the flowers in water and turned to Bucky, who had sat himself down on the edge of the bed.

“Ready to go?”

---

Bucky sat on the green velvet couch in your dressing room, reading something on his phone as he listened to the rustling behind the room divider behind him.

“How do I look?” You asked, coming out from behind the divider and into the room. You were dressed in the gown from earlier, now with black flats and earrings that mimicked flower petals falling in the wind. You had decided on a more romantic look for your hair, settling on large loose waves, one side pinned back with a dainty silver bar clip.

He couldn’t help but smile.

“Beautiful.”

Who knew one word could give you such a fluttering in your stomach.

“Thank you.”

You sat next to him, folding one leg underneath of you and leaning against the couch, facing him.

“Are you going to be okay up in that box all by your lonesome?” you teased, reaching across and grabbing the tips of his fingers with yours.

“I hope so. I’ve got a date tonight.” He replied playfully. He always felt so warm, so comforting. You looked at him with affection before your eyes flitted to the clock behind him.

“I should probably get to the stage.” You sighed while you said it, reluctantly starting to get up and pull your hand away. Before you could completely escape his grasp, he squeezed your hand slightly.

“You’ll do great. See you after?” His look was slightly reminiscent of a puppy. You smiled wistfully and squeezed his hand back.

“See you after.”

You separated in the hall, you going one way to the stage and him going the other way to the box. Before he stepped inside, he realized he didn’t have a program. He made his way to the front and found an usher with a stack of programs.

“Can I have one of those?” He asked, coming off slightly more gruffly than he meant to.

“Sure, sir.” The usher handed him one and Bucky thanked him before turning. Halfway down the hall, he picked up the whispering of another usher who had come up to the one that had the programs.

“Is that Ms. Novikov’s boyfriend?”

“No way, is that who that was?”

“He always sits in her own personal box. It has to be.”

Boyfriend. Such a funny word. Bucky hadn’t been anyone’s boyfriend in decades. It almost felt silly to be dating somebody. It was like someone blowing all of their money on something they couldn’t afford. It felt reckless to invest so much feeling and time and emotion when he had so little of those things on his own. Yet, what little he had, he gladly spent on you.

“He is so hot. I would just let him-“

Bucky’s eyes widened as he heard several terms he didn’t understand. Clearing his throat, he walked a little faster back to the box.

---

You had laughed so hard that you were crying as Bucky tried to repeat some of the stuff he had overheard. Deciding to check on him during intermission, you had popped up to the box for a minute. After complimenting you on your playing, having performed what Bucky thought to be amazingly, as you usually did, he couldn’t stop the face he had made as his mind thought back to the usher. Needing to sit down, you had sat in one of the seats in the box, doubled over in a combination of laughing and crying.

“It’s not that funny!” Bucky whisper-yelled at you, as you gasped for breath, face in hands. He turned around to see that the next several boxes were looking over to see what the commotion was. One particular look on an older woman’s shocked face made him turn around quickly and try not to laugh.

“It’s not funny!” He said again, though now he was obviously trying to hold back his own laugh, which just made you laugh even harder.

Starting to calm down, you leaned back onto the seat, still clutching your stomach. Letting out some deep breaths, a burst of giggles fell out of your mouth, evolving into full on laughter again.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You said, regaining some semblance and wiping your eyes carefully as to not ruin any makeup. “That is just hilarious. I love it.” You concluded as you sighed and closed your eyes.

“You are just… something else.” Bucky replied, a huge smile overcoming his face despite the fact that he was shaking his head. The lights flickered overhead to signal the end of the intermission. You got up, straightening out the skirt of your dress and giggling.

“You can meet me at the dressing room after.” You said, waving your fingers at him. He had the same smile on his face as he watched you sweep aside the curtains and disappear. As embarrassing as it was, Bucky was thankful that it had broken the ice, no longer leaving him feeling awkward, nervous in your presence. As he was turning back to face the front, Bucky made eye contact with the same old lady in the box next door. Quickly, he cleared his throat and settled in his seat, adjusting so that he was sitting up straighter.

Several minutes went by before the conductor came back out, followed by you. He gave his usual introduction of the piece, explaining the history and the background behind the melody they were about to hear. This one was another piano feature- this time by Chopin.

The opening note was long and forceful, followed by a back and forth of a set of notes on your left hand that quickly sped up into an impressive speed. Your right hand entered the melody, quickly flitting back and forth to the end of the keys. The quickening of the keys sounded desperate, like a hare running frantically to safety from the jaws of a predator.

Both of your hands ran down from the higher keys to the low ones, somehow managing to hit very precisely on each intended note on the way down. Once in the lower octaves, the melody slowed. Your hand movements were graceful, body language and tone changing to one of peace. You spent some time exploring the gentle melody, conveying a feeling similar to the quiet after the storm. Just as Bucky expected the end of the melody, what would’ve been a period in the phrase of the major key, turned into a comma. The minor key from before took control of the music once more, somehow more desperate than before. The pace of your breathing sped up as you put more force behind the fleeting notes. The minor key evolved into a more complex intertwining of notes before unraveling into a major key once again, saying its last words and taking its last breath before dissipating into the auditorium.

Applause burst forth from the crowd, conveying more than Bucky could ever put into words about how incredible your performance was. How incredible you were. Still catching your breath, you stood at the conductor’s prompting, stealing a glance at Bucky, who was standing as he clapped, before bowing in acceptance of the praise.

---

After the concert, he drove you to New Orleans. At the restaurant, you were sat at a table on the edge of the dining room behind a low privacy partition. It was dimly lit, the small candle in the middle of the table creating a very intimate atmosphere. You sat across from each other at the two-person table, browsing the menu. Yours was laid flat on the table as you leaned over it, resting your chin on your clasped hands. Bucky’s was held up, serving as a way for him to sneak glances at you. The candlelight gave your hair an ever-moving sheen. It was nothing compared to how it lit the color of your eyes as you met his eye and smiled.

The romantic piano music played softly in the background as he set the menu down and let a gentle smile overtake his features. Your eyelids slowly lowered. You loved the little crow’s feet that appear by his eyes when he genuinely smiled.

“How’d I do on the first date setting?” You asked. The cozy restaurant had been your pick.

“You hit it out of the park. It’s very nice.” Bucky replied, leaning in a little closer so that he could cross his arms slightly onto the table.

“Isn’t it? There’s a few of them across the country. I used to at the one in New York while I went to Julliard. Can you guess what I did?” You chuckled as you pointed your head in the direction of the live piano music coming from the stage.

“Hmm… Dishwasher? No wait, valet?”

Bucky lives for the smile that comes across your face when you try not to laugh at his antics.

“Absolutely. Always wanted to be a valet. It’s my dream job.” You joked back with a twinkle in your eye. The waiter came up to the table, causing you both to lean slightly back. After introducing themselves and setting two glasses of water down, they asked for your drink order. Bucky nodded for you to go first, ever the gentleman. You turned your head towards the waiter, your gaze lingering on Bucky before giving full attention towards them as you spoke.

“What are some of the best whiskeys you have to recommend?”

Bucky could’ve spit out his water. This place could not be cheap. His suspicions were confirmed as the waiter started listing off various whiskeys that were at least a decade old. About three whiskeys into the list, you saw Bucky tilt his head out of the corner of your eye. Glancing at him, you raised your eyebrows as if to ask if he was interested. He raised his eyebrows and gave a small nod.

“We’ll have that one please.” You said, stopping the waiter when he finished the description. You had selected the sixteen year old single malt with notes of plums, apricots, white truffles, honey, dark chocolate, and hazelnuts. As soon as the waiter turned around, Bucky leaned in and gave you a look of incredulousness.

“Doll, I am all for the finer things in life but that whiskey has got to be a pretty penny.”

You leaned in as well, with a dreamy look on your face.

“Well, if it gets you to call me ‘doll’ then I’ll buy the whole bottle.”

---

Bucky actually did end up liking it so much that you ordered a bottle to take home. He had tried to stop you from paying for it, but you insisted, saying this whole date was on you.

“Just pay for the next one. I picked the fancy place, so I should pay! Besides, you do so much for me all of the time.”

Eventually, he caved in and let you, the assurance of a second date placating him. Dinner had been equally as delicious and sprinkled with easy conversation. Dessert was set on the table with two spoons to share. The entire night was going wonderfully. At this point, with a few bites of dessert left, both of you were lounging while listening to the gentle music as he held your hand across the table.

A group was getting up from the table across the divider when one of them glanced over and recognized you.

“Irina Novikov!”

Your hand left Bucky’s instinctually as you looked in the direction of the voice. Easing when you realized it was a concert goer, you smiled as the group came over to your table.

“We just came from your performance, you did an excellent job. We’ve been coming all season and it’s wonderful to be able to talk to you in person.” A middle aged man said as the rest of his group nodded enthusiastically.

“The pleasure’s all mine. I’m so happy that you enjoy the music that we perform.” You said, shaking his hand.

“Would you, perhaps, be willing to sign our programs?”

“Absolutely.” You said, as you took the pen. You paused slightly before writing the signature. Bucky could tell that you hadn’t thought about it before- how to sign the new name. You signed everyone’s program, making sure to ask for their name and including a short thank you for their support.

“I look forward to seeing you in the audience the next time you’re able to visit.” You said as you handed back the last program and pen. They graciously thanked you and walked away, leaving you to look at Bucky, who was admiring you.

“What?” You asked, cheeks flushing.

“Nothing. You’re just so good to them. Does that happen often?”

“I try to be. I’m sure if I had more people always coming up to me I’d be less patient. To answer your question, it happens occasionally. It happened a lot in New York when I played with the symphony up there. But that was a long time ago.” You looked down wistfully, thinking of the past. Then, you looked up and grabbed his hand.

“But I’m pretty happy where I am now. Don’t doubt that.”

Bucky felt a fluttering in his chest.

After settling the bill and giving Bucky the bottle of whiskey, you put your coat on and held Bucky’s hand as you walked to out of the restaurant. On the way home, he drove as you hummed along to the radio, watching the road signs and the streetlights pass. Eventually the highway turned into main streets and main streets turned into side streets. Maybe if he drove slower, the night didn’t have to end.

Parking in the driveway, Bucky signaled for you to wait before he jogged around the front of the car, opening your door and holding out a hand.

“Oh, what a gentleman.” You laughed as you took his outstretched hand and stepped out of the car. Taking his arm, you let him walk you to your front door. You turned the key and opened the door, turning on the lights before facing him again.

“Well. This was wonderful. I had such a good time.” You said, hugging him around the neck. He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“Me too.”

You pulled back, letting your hands run down his arms and holding his hands in yours.

“I think it’s safe to say that there will be a second date.” You stated teasingly, squeezing his hands.

“I would say you’re right.” He said, boyish charm coming through. You wondered if this is what he was like back before the war. Smiling, you looked into his eyes.

“Thank you for taking me out. You’re so lovely to be with, and it feels unreal to be with you. I think I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Affection was laced throughout your tone.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something and nothing came out. He squeezed your hands once, as if to make sure you were real, and shook his head.

“You took the words right out of my mouth. That’s exactly how I feel about you.”

There was a slight pause before Bucky closed the gap between you. Your bottom lip was between his and you closed your eyes as your hands held his face to yours. You felt your fingertips scrape across his stubble as he held you in his arms, hands supporting your back as he deepened the kiss. After a few moments, you pulled back, a flush over your face and the cold air exposing your breathlessness. He let out a quiet breathy laugh and you did the same.

“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He said as he softly put his forehead to yours.

“You took the words right out of my mouth.” You repeated his phrase with amusement. Reluctantly, you took your arms from around his neck and trailed them down to his hands, grabbing both. You took a moment to appreciate how perfectly his hands felt in yours, vibranium and all.

“Goodnight, Buck.”

He squeezed your hands lightly before slowly letting go of your hands.

“Goodnight.”

Putting his hands in his pockets, he waited for you to exit the house, reciprocating your wave as you softly shut the door. Letting out a deep breath, he walked leisurely across the driveway and up to his apartment. He loosened his tie with one hand as he greeted Alpine with the other. She followed at his heels as he got ready for bed, hopping up onto his chest when he finally laid down. Curling up into a ball, she purred as he scratched her neck. Alpine fell asleep almost immediately, but Bucky lay awake, the image of you laughing at something he said across the candlelit table occupying the forefront of his thoughts.

---

The second date had to be rescheduled due to business that Sam and Bucky had to take care of, once again, in D.C. Reluctantly, he had texted you to reschedule.

Have to go to DC tonight with Sam… Go out when we come back?

Bucky watched the bubble type.

If you don’t want to go out again, just say so

He felt like vomiting.

KIDDING! Of course we can.

Taking a deep breath, he typed out a reply.

Not funny. Almost gave me a heart attack. You gonna be okay for a few days?

I’ll be fine, just take care of yourself and be safe, please.

Will do, doll.

A little heart emoji you sent back made Bucky smile before he tucked his phone away and boarded the plane.

---

After a few days of cut-and-dry investigation, they were done by Saturday night. Since they were flying commercially, they had one more evening to kill before the next flight. Bucky was standing idly outside of the crowded comic book store that Sam was currently in. AJ had called Uncle Sam, asking if he could check for a specific volume of a comic that he liked. Happy to oblige, Bucky had told Sam that they could make the stop. Though, once seeing how crowded it was, Bucky opted to stay outside. Feeling a buzz in his pocket, he took out his phone to see a text from you pop up on his home screen. You had sent him a picture of Alpine curled up on the bed next to the dress you were going to perform in.

Alpine has approved my dress selection this evening!

Smiling at his screen as he sauntered down the sidewalk, he typed out his reply.

I agree with Alpine. Very nice selection.

He sent the text and paused, standing in place for a moment before sending a short addendum.

Sorry that I can’t be there.

It’s okay, there’s plenty others :)

Bucky looked up and saw that he had wandered a few stores down from the comic book shop. Craning his head, he didn’t see Sam yet. Turning back to the store in front of him, he glanced at the window display. A set of earrings on the edge of the display caught his eye. The soft pearls and winding gold took him back to another time. It was very reminiscent of the fancy jewelry that adorned the movie stars during his youth.

Glancing back down to the comic store, he had yet to see Sam out front. He took the opportunity to slip into the jewelers. There was a well-dressed couple looking at specific pieces of jewelry but otherwise, the store was empty. An unoccupied salesman approached Bucky warily.

“Can I help you sir?”

“Yes, um… I was interested in getting something from the window display.” Bucky said in a low tone as he gestured to the front. He was overly aware of how ‘rough around the edges’ he looked.

“Which one?” The salesman asked as Bucky followed him to the front. After the earrings were pointed out, the salesman took them out of the case. He gave a little background as he handed Bucky the set.

“This is from our vintage-inspired collection. Modeled after jewelry from the post-art-deco era in the 1930’s, these earrings are the perfect modern gift with a vintage twist.” They dangled on the velvet earring holder as Bucky took a closer look. They were perfect.

“How much?” Bucky asked.

“They’re a bit expensive sir- four hundred dollars.” The salesman said uneasily.

“I’ll take them.”

He paid for the gift and stepped out onto the street, stuffing the earring box into his pocket. No sign of Sam yet. Making his way back up the street, he checked his phone to see that you had texted him a link. He sat on the bench and tapped on the link, which took him to a video that you had uploaded of the opening piece from the night before. He smiled as he saw that you had recorded it from his usual spot in Box One. You walked across the stage on screen, doing your usual bow and taking a seat at the bench. He put the speaker of the phone up to his ear and waited for the playing to start.

“What’re you listening to?”

Bucky almost dropped his phone as Sam cackled.

“Are you finally done?” Bucky said, annoyance seeping out his tone.

“Yeah, c’mon.” Sam said, smirk still on his face.

That night in the hotel room, as Bucky was settling into bed, he played the video once more, this time actually getting to listen. It was a soft melody, warm and deceivingly intricate, lulling him to sleep.

---

The second official date was up to Bucky to plan, since you had gotten to plan the first one. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but he wanted it to be a surprise.

Dress code? You had asked.

He texted back to wear something comfy and casual. He had gone back to his roots, opting for dinner and a drive-in movie. Remembering your favorite snacks from grocery shopping, he made sure to stock up beforehand, stealing your keys and tucking them into the trunk of the car along with a cozy blanket.

He straightened out the wrinkles in his light grey long-sleeve shirt and checked to make sure his jeans and sneakers didn’t have mud on them from the driveway earlier. Satisfied with his appearance, he snagged his leather jacket and went to warm up the car.

Several minutes after he had gotten in the drivers seat and started the car, you stepped out of the house. Your white headband kept the hair out of your face as you locked the door behind you. You had put your hair into two braids that fell against the fuzzy crème sweater. With your outfit completed with light-wash jeans, white sneakers, and a small cross-body bag, Bucky thought you looked absolutely adorable.

“Hey.” He greeted you with a huge smile.

“Hey!” You replied as you messed with the seatbelt. After it clicked, you looked up at him, allowing Bucky to get a better look at you. You had put on a more natural set of makeup that just enhanced your already present features- your eyelashes curling just at the tips, your lips glossy and tinted-pink.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“You’ll see.”

A coy smile came upon his lips as he shifted the car into drive. It was a longer drive and you made easy conversation as the sun started to set. It always set so early in the winter, making it feel way later than it was. Bucky exited the highway and you perked up curiously, looking to see if you recognized anything. Eventually, he merged into the turn lane, waiting for the light so that he could turn onto the street with a huge sign that read Drive-In Movies, This Way.

“Are we going to a drive-in movie?” You questioned excitedly. Bucky laughed at your enthusiasm and nodded his head.

“Yup. We are.”

You looked forward excitedly as the light turned green and he turned onto the road. Bucky pulled up to a toll booth and rolled down the window. A man peered into the car momentarily before ringing up the register.

“Twenty four dollars please.”

Wordlessly, Bucky pulled out his wallet and handed the man the cash. Letting his left arm hang out of the window while he waited for the change, he took his right and cupped it against the side of his mouth in a dramatic fashion.

“I remember when these used to be a dime.”

Your mouth twisted in an effort to hold back your laughter as Bucky thanked the man for the change. As you pulled off, you couldn’t help but snort.

“Okay, that was cute.” Bucky teased, getting the crow’s feet in the corner of his eyes that you liked so much. You gave him a wide smile as he pulled into the last row. Your eyes grew wide at the trailers playing on the screen.

“Wow, this is amazing. I’ve never been the a drive-in before. The screen is huge!” You turned your head. “And there’s a snack bar!”

“Hold on,” Bucky said as he popped the trunk and exited the car. He lifted the bag out of the trunk and came back around to the door, ducking his head so that he could see you.

“I’ve got some of your favorite,” he said as he passed you the bag of snacks, “and a blanket to stay warm in.”

Your eyes lit up as you looked through the snack bag. He had gotten a variety of candy he’s seen you eat, as well as chips and a bucket of kettle corn.

“Of course, if you want anything else, you can still go to the snack stand.”

“No, Buck, this is great. You’re amazing.” You said as you shook your head, still ruffling through the bag. He laughed and got back into the car, throwing the blanket into the back seat and pushing his chair back. As you got situated, the sun set fully and the movie began playing.

---

There were about thirty minutes left in the movie, and you and Bucky had finished up with the snacks and settled into your seats. The action on the screen did little to distract you from the way Bucky’s thumb rubbed the top of your hand. You stole a glance at him and he met your gaze with an easygoing smile on his face.

“Do you like the movie?” He asked when you did not turn back.

“Oh, yeah, I like it. I’ve actually seen it before. I just really like being here with you.” You propped your elbow up on the center console and rested your chin against your palm, looking at Bucky with a dreamy look in your eyes. “Am I distracting you from the movie?”

Bucky leaned closer to you with an amused look on his face.

“Yes, but I have also seen this movie before.”

It only took a few moments before his lips met yours, parting slightly to taste your strawberry lip gloss. His hand came up to softly hold your face, his thumb brushing against your jawline. When you came apart, the expression on your face made him swallow thickly. Hooded eyes and slightly parted lips tempted him beyond his means. This time, you leaned in to meet him in the middle, no hesitancy behind your actions. You captured his bottom lip, giving it a little kitten lick before gently sucking on it. Bucky let out a small groan into your mouth unintentionally, making your breath hitch.

You kissed for a while, small noises escaping both of you as you tilted your head occasionally to deepen the kiss. Bucky felt something stir in him that hadn’t in a long, long time. It was absolutely intoxicating, being with you like this. All he wanted was a little more. Breaking the kiss, he pulled back just a little, slightly breathless, just as you were. You let out a breathy laugh, cheeks warm and lips swollen. A beat passed before Bucky said something that made you almost choke.

“If we’re going to keep kissing, you should come over here and sit on my lap.”

You turned your head, looking through the car windows. There was no one parked particularly close to you, and your windows were tinted anyway. With an excited grin on your face, you scooted backwards over the center console until your back was resting on the driver’s side door. You were angled slightly to face him, your outstretched legs over his lap and on the center console towards the backseat. You hooked your arms around his neck and giggled. You hadn’t done anything like this since you were in high school.

He chuckled with you before closing the gap. You felt each others smiles as you kissed. Slowly, the kiss deepened. His arms wrapped around your waist as he tilted forward, leaning over you and giving him better access as you opened your mouth to let his tongue in. His hands moved to support the back of your head and your lower back, causing you to groan slightly and shift in his lap.

Bucky opened his eyes in surprise, panicking silently. You hadn’t noticed, eyes still closed as you continued to kiss him. He cursed in his head, shifting you up slightly so that your leg wasn’t resting right on his crotch. Thankfully, he was wearing jeans and you hadn’t given any indication that you had noticed. He chastised himself in his head.

C’mon man, you’re not fifteen anymore. You can’t go around getting stiff every time you kiss a girl.

The bright lights cut back on, startling you and Bucky apart. You squinted your eyes and looked out towards the screen. The credits had just finished. Looking back to Bucky, you both laughed before kissing once more.

---

Afterwards, he took you to a classic diner, treating you to dinner and dessert. There was a jukebox in the corner that you and Bucky had looked at, racking up a few songs. You had danced slightly in your seat when your favorites came on, making him grin like a love-struck fool.

The diner had been close to the drive-in, so the drive home was still pretty long. Full and content, you had dozed off to the tune of the radio playing softly in the background. Choosing to let you sleep, he drove back silently, looking over at you with a smile every once and a while.

He pulled up to the driveway and parked the car, gently leaning over to rub your arm.

“Hey,” he said quietly, “We’re home.”

You hummed in acknowledgement as you yawned and let you eyes adjust to the lights in the car.

“Mmm. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s okay, it’s late. Let’s get you inside.”

You slowly got up and out of the car, gravel crunching underneath of your shoes. Bucky walked with you up to the front door.

“Goodnight, Bucky.” You said groggily, leaning forward to kiss him. He met you halfway, pecking you on the lips.

“Goodnight.”

He watched you cross the threshold, giving you his usual three-fingered wave when you turned back to wave goodbye.

---

For the third date, you had told Bucky to wear his suit and tie. He had no idea what to expect. Hearing thunder outside, he took a peak through the blinds. The wind was really starting to pick up. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he gave Alpine a quick scratch before heading out. The wind was harsh, even for Bucky’s standards. He jogged across the driveway and up the porch, knocking on the door. A few seconds later, you answered, stepping out onto the porch.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting the weather to be like this. I got us a reservation at the museum’s restaurant but I don’t think it’s a good idea to travel that far in the rain.”

You looked out at the sky as the wind whipped your hair around your face. Bucky took the moment to admire how attractive you were. You had on an emerald satin cowl-neck dress that had a slit up the side. Dainty gold earrings matched the shimmering tennis bracelet you on. Your heels gave you some height and made it look like you were showing off an ungodly amount of leg.

“I’m sorry Buck,” you started, looking back to him. “I think we’ll have to go out some other time.”

“I understand. You look beautiful, by the way.” He said as he grabbed both of your hands.

You thanked him with an affectionate smile before getting a thoughtful look on your face.

“Would you like to come in for a drink?”

---

You padded back to the living room with two glasses, heels discarded at the door. Bucky, sans coat and tie, had opened a bottle of whiskey. Tucking your leg under your knee, you sat close, facing him. You held out the glasses, letting him poured a small amount in each. He sat the bottle down and you held out your glass to clink it to his. You took a sip of liquid courage, trying to steel your nerves. You held your drink in your lap and put your arm up on the back of the couch, leaning your head on your hand.

“It’s strange how, once we started seeing each other, how much of a rush it feels. Does it feel like that to you?”

“I do. It feels like… I just can’t get enough.” He said with a chuckle.

“It’s quite nice.” You smiled softly. “To find someone you have an understanding with.”

Bucky nodded as he sipped on his drink. You’d only known each other for half of a year, but if he thought about it harder, you had spent a lot of that time together, especially during the last few months. Bonds are also strengthened during trials and tribulation- you were both people looking to start over, to live happily, to do what you love and have a sense of fulfilment.

“I just think you’re amazing. I think it’s amazing that you want to be with me. I went through so much for so long, and now I finally remember what it feels like to have a sliver of happiness. So thank you. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to be with anybody,” you started, looking down at your drink, “-and I would imagine it’s been the same for you.”

“Yeah. Since before the war.”

“There’s been nobody since?” Your face changed to one of empathy. Bucky took another sip of his drink.

“Nobody. Except you.” He glanced at you with a look of resolution and longing. Gently, you smiled back at him.

“I must be one lucky gal to catch you this late in the game.”

You looked at each other affectionately and kissed. It wasn’t rough, but still filled with passion. After a moment, you pulled apart. You looked up at him through your eyelashes and bit your lip. Bucky swallowed thickly.

“How… fast do you want to take things?”

He blinked in surprise at your words. He hadn’t expected a straight forward discussion about it, but then again, dating in this age was much different. It did make things refreshingly simpler.

“I, uh…”

You looked at him expectantly and he cleared his throat and apologized.

“Sorry. This is all new for me.”

You set a hand on his thigh encouragingly and offered to go first.

“I can start. I… haven’t been with anyone, physically, since my last relationship and you know how that ended. He could be a little… forceful, and that aspect of our relationship has proven to be one of the hardest things to heal from.”

At this point, you were looking down at your hand, tapping a soothing rhythm from muscle memory onto his thigh.

“… I’m sorry. That must be extremely painful to deal with. Nobody should have to go through that.” He put a hand onto your knee reassuringly, rubbing it with his thumb. You shook your head quickly.

“It’s in the past. I’m happy with where I am now. At the end of the day, that’s what matters. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself… Either way, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m not completely sure what I’m ready for, and I might not know until the opportunity presents itself. Please, be patient with me as I figure this. It’s not because I don't trust you or think you'll hurt me, I just...” You trailed off.

“Of course. Whatever you need. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you’re uncomfortable,” he assured you. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been with anyone… ever.”

“Really? Like, you’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” You looked at him in a way that implied that he better not be messing around.

“I mean, I’ve gotten a little handsy before,” he said in slight defense, lightening the tension. “but I’ve never been with anyone like that. We didn’t talk about stuff like this in the 40’s. It was expected that you… you know, wait until marriage. People still got together physically, but it was way less common back then. Believe it or not, Steve wasn’t the only gentleman out there.”

You nodded your head and looked at him, clearly impressed.

“No, I totally believe that. Wow. Playboy Sergeant Barnes, waiting for the right girl. You know they write about you like you basically invented premarital sex.”

“Pfft.” Bucky couldn’t hold back his laughter. You both fell apart into a round of giggles. You took another sip of your drink and tried to settle down, wiping your eyes and letting out a deep breath.

“So, are you waiting? To be married? It’s totally fine if you are, I’m just curious.”

Bucky shrugged his eyebrows, now bringing his arm to rest against the couch behind you.

“Not anymore. I think I might’ve then, but that was a lifetime ago. I think what matters most is how comfortable I feel with the person. Besides, it’s rude to keep a lady waiting.” His tone changed, wearing a teasing smile on his face. You rolled your eyes, though still smiling, and put a hand on his chest lightly.

“Very funny, Buck. I’m glad we got to talk about it.”

“Me too.”

The rest of the night was filled with cooking together and watching a movie, only to be distracted by each other. You had been making out with him for quite some time before you separated from him, yawning and stretching your arms over your head.

“Alright, I’m tired. Wanna sleepover?”

“What happened to taking things slow?” He half-teased.

“Well, I figured since you’ve already slept over here once, it wasn’t anything new. Plus you are so warm and it’s so cold.” You bantered. Changing to a more serious tone, you reiterated- “Only if you want to.” Bucky squinted his eyes as he thought and then mentally shrugged, getting up off of the couch.

“Sure.”

He followed you down the hall. You padded lightly to your room, pulling your hair to the front of your shoulder.

“Do you need clothes?” You asked as you started unzipping the top of the dress. Instinctively Bucky looked aside.

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

You responded “okay” as you stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you to change in privacy. He looked around before unbuttoning his shirt and shrugging it off, leaving him in a plain white t-shirt. He did the same with his pants before getting in bed on the side you don’t sleep on. Bringing one arm up under the pillow to prop himself up slightly and resting the other on his midsection, he let out a deep breath, getting comfortable. The sheets were extremely soft, and they smelled like you. Hearing the door open, he watched as you came out in a loose long-sleeve t-shirt and soft flannel sleep pants.

“Comfy?” You asked with a smile, hanging up the dress on the door.

“Yeah.”

You got into bed on your usual side and laid on your stomach, propping yourself up on your forearms as you looked down at him. Your hair created a curtain, blocking the light from the lamp and creating your own little bubble.

“Goodnight.”  You smiled at him sleepily.

“Goodnight.”

He kissed you softly before settling back down. You turned off the lamp and scooched up next to him. He sighed in contentment and moved his arm so that he was holding you to him. With your head resting on his shoulder, he fell into the best sleep he had had in years.

---

The next morning, Bucky floated back up to consciousness to what felt like bliss. Stirring awake, he blinked his eyes open to find the source of the comfort- you. You were still asleep, curled up next to him, face against his arm. Carefully, he slid out of the bed so as to not disturb you, and went to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. He breathed in the morning as he looked out at the bare landscape. After experiencing cryofreeze and the depths of Siberia, the cold couldn’t phase him.

What did phase him, was the warmth he experienced with you. His entire life up until this point had been frigid. Losing his family, his friends, his life, his willpower. Everything around him was nothing but cold to the touch. Then, you came in with a burst of red warmth, thawing him out and letting him feel again. Feel something other than pain and confusion, anger and abandonment. The feeling of actually being happy, which was new and overwhelming.

He hadn’t noticed his breath growing heavier. Putting a hand to his chest, he tried to slow his breathing. Being happy also meant that it could now be taken away. He hadn’t had anything to lose in a long, long time.

The creaking of the floorboards caught Bucky’s attention, and he was able to calm himself down with the distraction. He poured another cup of coffee as you walked into the kitchen. Turning around, he saw you stretch your arms above your head before settling down on the barstool at the counter.

“Good morning.” You greeted him with a sleepy smile, slouching over the counter to watch him pour the exact amount of cream and sugar that you liked into the cup.

“Good morning.” He echoed, handing over the mug and leaning against the counter across from you. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t. The delicious smell of coffee did.” You took a sip and sighed. “And maybe the cold did too.”

You reached over the counter for his hand. The warmth of his palm brought much needed heat to the tips of your fingers. He squeezed your hand slightly tighter than normal and you thought nothing of it. You lifted the mug to your mouth by one hand and took a longer drink before settling back in your chair. Your unbrushed hair framing your face as the light of the winter morning lit up your eyes.

Bucky’s breath sped up slightly as he looked at you, completely enamored and terrified of the feeling that was swelling in his chest.

#bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes angst #bucky x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader

[theangrypokemaniac]

I've been on Tumblr ten months now, and this blog has existed for nine of them. During that time I have noticed something.

The majority of the posts I've come across have been by and for the S&M scene, as is to be expected.

The second-most frequent are Indigo League, which I don't think is bad going considering it was broadcast before most Tumblerries were born.

Third-most popular I would say is Sinnoh, probably for being the introduction for many here.

After that I've seen bits on Johto, a smattering of Orange League (unsurprising given it's briefness) and maybe a single item on Hoenn.

No one likes that then? Is it Max? Go on, it is.

What I find odd is that, in all that period, I haven't seen anything on Unova or Kalos. No fan art, no screen shots, nothing.

I'm sure someone can point to a bounty of pieces I've overlooked, all done within the last year, but if so, they're well-hidden, as none of the people I follow have shown any interest in re-blogging them.

If you have done any, you must admit the amount has depleted considerably.

Why is this? Is it of no interest anymore?

This in itself validates my own opinion. Had I been here when Unova and Kalos were broadcast, I presume over half of the posts I'd see would've been devoted to them. If I then spoke harshly of either, that would not have been well-received.

However, if dropped, both by the audience and writers as soon as the latest generation arrives, wasn't I right to not be impressed?

If cast aside by those who claimed to worship them, were they really of any worth at all?

Well the same fate has now befallen Alola. I make no secret of how much I despise it, and can not grasp its appeal for anyone.

I don't know how Pokémon even has a fanbase anymore, given that it's ugly, boring and repetitive.

Prior to the arrival of the S.S., I suspected that Alola material would drop, vanishing altogether once a year's worth came to a close, and so it has proved to be.

It's gone from making up roughly 60% - 70% of dashboard posts to about 10% - 20%, in only a few months. Is it that bad then?

It can't be explained as excitement for the new, not with the amount of coverage Kanto gets, and even that isn't motivated by reminiscence, given the average age of the current viewer.

Why are you still posting about something that old? It reminds me of my wasted youth, but what's your excuse?

Why, when the writers want to wallow in nostalgia, do they hark back to Kanto, which no modern fan can remember?

Is no one looking with misty-eyed fondness at Iris and Cilan? Why not?

Or is that an admission that it was so appallingly bad even the writers recognised it, that's why it's been so hastily forgotten?

You could watch Pokémon from the beginning to the close Sinnoh, skip the next two eras, starting again with Alola, and you would never know there'd been a between.

Unova is described as a 'soft reset', with regards to its inverted nature. The arrogance of those writers is staggering:

• Trying to erase all that'd gone before, supplanted by their half-arsed efforts.

• Redesigning everyone with Fish Eye and flat profiles.

• Resetting Ash as not even knowing the basics.

• Warping Team Rocket's established personalities into disgusting, soulless lizard people robbed of all charm and charisma.

• Only new Pokémon existing.

• Catches kept with Juniper not Professor Oak etc.

The irony is that Unova Pokémon are copies of the first 151, so whilst deliberately ignoring the past, they can't resist imitating it, thanks to their own woeful inadequacy. I suppose they hoped if they didn't notice, we wouldn't either.

They then undermined their own decision by stuffing everything available into the third run, as a blatant effort to win back the crowd, including:

• Reverting to Team Rocket's actual motto, not that embarrassingly pretentious codswallop.

Too bloody lazy to make it rhyme now!

Notice they opted not for the Sinnoh one, although more recent. It was straight back to the beginning.

• Look at these hundreds of Pokémon we suddenly remembered!

Just before Giovanni's mid-life crisis, Ash spotted a Rattata, but it having been so isolated from the outside world, his brain fell to mush at the concept, and pronounced it 'retarda'.

Idiots are so easy to please!

• Charizard! Genwunners love Charizard! Give 'em Charizard and they'll forget everything else we've done! Let's condense his entire story arc into one episode of meaningless retelling!

So, Charizard was there to bait the first wave, and yet we had the plot we know repeated to us anyway?

Don't refer to the past and everyone will think it's brand-new!

It makes no sense. How could this be done with the hope of drawing in old fans, and yet filling up an episode with it as plotline isn't an issue, when the intended targets know it's been done before?

• Butterfree! Genwunners loved Butterfree leaving! Let's condense his entire story arc into one episode of meaningless rehash!

Why would they remain when finding the same thing again, absent of feeling and subtlety, not to mention upon discovering the damage done elsewhere?

Recent incomers, who might assume it's a fresh idea, have no emotional connection with Butterfree, so who is it meant to please?

Why is Mewtwo a woman?

• Mewtwo! Genwunners love Mewtwo! Let's copy its background for Genesect rather than be creative! Look, it's Mewtwo! Watch it!!!

Erm... It's not the same Mewtwo...

It's not the same Mewtwo?

You believe the way to an original fan's heart is to lie to them, and in the process smash a fundamental principle of canon that there can only be one Mewtwo?

The writers get a deserved excoriation round these parts, because someone has to, as what part of that film suggested the current crop give the tiniest toss about what matters to you and me?

I'm glad Unova is labelled 'the Dork Age' as every series since its dawn has been atrocious.

Hoenn and Sinnoh held massive flaws, but they're masterpieces compared to what followed. At least they felt like Pokémon, albeit a watery interpretation.

Unova has to be truly lowly for the dunces responsible to recognise it, and neither Kalos or Alola have been as cut off from their predecessors.

I don't believe that's a sign of contrition, more a matter of necessity. Thanks to the same personal limitations there just weren't enough new Pokémon in either era to make such insularity possible. Even between the two it'd be a scrape.

Except whilst previously invented Pokémon designs may be involved, there's no sign of actual familiar characters.

Ash took his original team to Johto, and even in Hoenn and Sinnoh, where local catches took precedent, older Pokémon were still referenced and came back for the League, but that stopped with Unova.

It's evil influence strikes again!

Despite flimsy nods to the past, which can't be avoided, each generation is now a world unto itself, to the point that individual episodes live by their own canon, a feeble web of strands unrelated to anything else.

Why is it considered 'retro' enough to say, have Forms of Kanto Pokémon, for which we're expected to be so grateful, when there's no mention of Ash's earlier squad?

Remember Tauros? And Kingler? And Muk?

Remember Bayleef? And Noctowl? And Heracross?

Remember Corphish? And Torkoal? And Swellow?

Remember Buizel? And Gible? And Torterra?

They don't. As far as I can tell none of them exist anymore, and maybe aren't meant to ever have done.

Same as Gary, Cassidy and Butch, Jessibelle, Tracey, and so on. Until they do, and don't again. Whatever is convenient to today's storyline.

My typical attitude is that the first series is the best thing ever, and it's all been downhill from there, with Unova and all that came after reaching incredible depths of tedium. I don't suppose you like that, but the ephemeral tendencies displayed on Tumblr hardly help change my opinion.

At some low ebb I'll get round to watching Galar, which I'm confident I'll hate as much as the last few generations, based on what I've already seen and heard.

There's little point doing otherwise. Why bother getting involved with the 'plot' or characters if, when it's over, they'll never be spoken of again?

What incentive is there for me to even force myself to like Galar when, once the ninth generation (Pokémon Keenan and Kel) emerges on the distant horizon, those who've sung its praises for three or four years and scoffed at criticism, will drop it without a backwards glance?

Yet talk about the Indigo League is ever present, somewhat proving its superiority. Attachment to it is a subconscious acknowledgement of the dearth of quality in the modern mentality, but which no one can bring themselves to admit.

#Pokémon #Unova #Iris #Cilan #Charizard #Butterfree #Mewtwo #Tumblr

[wowheadquarters]

I have a little idea for the 1k followers. As I followed this blog recently, I was wondering about his history. If you feel like it, could do a summary? Like, why did you start it? Your first joy/disappointment. Any thing that we haven't see that you might want to share. Absolutely anything about the blog and you. (If you're comfortable with it of course)

This is a very good idea, lovable anon, I’ll try.

History:

It was 17th November 2015, somewhen in Tuesday afternoon. I don’t remember what exactly sparked the idea of starting this blog, but I can say for certain that it was heavily inspired by the @bleachlists (which is, if you ask me, better humor than canon Bleach). And thus the first list was born.

(I never expected this blog to get famous. Or followers besides bots for that matter. I hoped, maybe, for a little circle of, like, 5 actual readers. I certainly didn’t think I would keep this blog for longer than 4 months. That’s how it is with me usually, I have bursts of inspiration but lack long-term dedication. The fact that this blog is still going is a miracle.)

At first the lists were written in the “chat” style. I had to make up my own prompts, because the two followers or so only hearted the posts but didn’t interact with me at all otherwise. That’s why the activity was very irregular at the time, I was writing when I was inspired and thus a month could pass without a word from me and then boom, three posts in a week. Additionally, I wasn’t writing only lists, but also short stuff, kind of like “Slice of life from Azeroth.” Of these the most famous is Chromie and Dragons and in my opinion the best one and not enough appreciated one is Kel’thuzad’s Heard Of Sylvanas’ Plans.

The first breakthrough came in January 2016 when an anon, who made me happy so much that I called them “lovable” in the list and kept on doing so for all following anons, requested the very first requested list, the Care of Babies list. For a long time this has been the list with the most notes. Now there are too many lists to keep count and Tumblr doesn’t do “the best of your posts,” but still it is one of the most popular posts I have and along with the Chromie and Dragons it still pops up in my notifications. Around April 2016 I had stable enough queue of requested lists to stop making up my own prompts, thus I could completely rely on prompts from followers, most of them from anons.

Another important milestone was August of the same year: First of all, I came up with a posting schedule (Fridays and Mondays, but two months later I understood that was too fast - It ate the prompts faster than they were prompted, and I wasn’t managing it). Then Taedal was added to the lists, at first he was meant as a joke, as I keep reminding him and everyone else, and somehow it happened he stayed here. Additionally, Varian and Vol’jin’s deaths were acknowledged, putting Anduin on the list. Soon after, Garrosh joined in from beyond the veil to annoy Vol’jin in his afterlife.

About this time the blog began to create it’s own lore (and not only the L.O.R.E.), and I even had the (short-spanned) will to mystify people that Taedal is going to get his own expansion. I even had a sideblog dedicated to Taedal (in fact, it was Taedal’s own blog, intentioned as a RP blog but somehow it never…got much traffic) and even a wiki. The wiki still exists! I like to think of this as the Golden Age of HeadQuarters verse, when I even got fanfics on AO3 and a dozen of drawings for this blog even. This blog lives in an alternate universe where there is a new isle west of Pandaria and Garrosh adopted 37 dead children in the afterlife and learned to be a better person (not necessarily the same as good person, but let’s not lose hope).

I don’t remember exactly on what occasion in the 2017 the Interviews were added, but they were the first not-list which were requestable (that is, they weren’t the short filler stuff I used to make before). I think it was to celebrate the first 100 followers but I might be wrong. The first Interview was held with Taedal, by my decision, and ever since then the Interviews went by request every twenty days, moved to every other Wednesday, later as of not-so-recently, every other Tuesday. In the history of the Interviews, there happened to be only one which wasn’t published, because nobody asked any questions. (It was Interview with Kel’thuzad, pt. 3, and I jokingly said that “ when we met, the Archlich thought I used the Interview as an excuse to go out for a date with him and things went awkward” which resulted in this Top N list).

From there things went rather fast. To here actually. As a celebration for 600 followers (or was it 500? Memory fails me) I began writing Top N, sort of as of a filler in between the Interviews, so actually now this blog has moved back to the biweekly posting scheme very close to the one from 2016. Earlier this year (2018), there was a list about attack on not-Theramore, where I made up a character especially for my timeline speculations - because timeline shenanigans, it is a bronze dragon, and because it is representing me, the character is called Authormi. That is a very poor play on the word “author” (because I am the author of this blog) and the “-ormu/ormi” suffix characteristic for the Bronze dragonflight. Coincidentally, it was also the first time I have referred to myself with any sort of name here on this blog (besides the FAQ where is a link to my main blog) and I am using it since.

An important part of the blog is post maintenance when I try to at least twice a month (but if I’m very responsible, then every Friday evening) go thorough the blog, update the Interview, Top N, and L.O.R.E. pages, delete old request asks and so on. However, over the years a good number of not-request asks had piled up in here. They were…not filtered here and the blog seemed messy with them. Which is why Authormi vs. Inbox tag was created and from time to time when too many not-request asks pile here, I dump them into these post as a sort of archive. I admit that it is not, uh… ideal in case you are looking for something specific, but it keeps the blog clean. Well, cleaner.

The most recent new development of the blog was the addition of the Allied Races leaders - Alleria Windrunner for the Void Elves/Ral’dorei, High Exarch Turalyon for the Lightforged, Jaina Proudmoore for Kul Tiras, First Arcanist Thalyssra for the Nightborne Elves/Shal’dorei, Mayla Highmountain for the Highmountain Tauren Tribes, Overlord Geya’rah for the Mag’har Orcs, and Princess Talanji for the Zandalari. The choice of the leaders is taken from the information on the Allied Races from Wowpedia.

Speaking of Wowpedia, it is my primal source, besides personal experience, when it comes to writing the lists. I used to rely on WoWWiki, but, uh… that one turned a bit messy a couple of years ago and I never get around to check on it now. When I don’t know something, I look it up on Wowpedia. If it’s not on Wowpedia, I consider it a Free Real Estate lore wildcard, which means I can bullshit it out as long as it is lore/character consistent. I pride myself on giving the characters (leaders) some actual character, because, now correct me if I am wrong, Blizzard writers confuse character personality for that wind flapping pole. I am not saying that I am writing “good” or “pure” characters. They have faults, they are prejudiced, foolhardy, depressed (in not romantic ways), mean, holding grudges. Some, like Garrosh, Genn or Gallywix, are more straightforward in their flaws than others, but I am pouring a cup of sour traits to everyone here. (What I am saying here is: Be critical when you read your favorite leader’s opinion. They might not be right and/or honest.)

Overview, as of today, Monday 19th November 2018:

Published 174 lists, 24 more in the queue + bunch of requests hanging in the asks among the posts. (Somebody needs to do their maintenance)

Published 25 Interviews, 9 more in the queue + some in the asks too, I think I saw one request or two.

Published 21 Top N lists (most favoured number for N is 10), 0 in the queue.

1009 followers, woooo! I love you all. Except the 1009th one who is a porn bot, you can go fuck yourself. ‘Xcuse me. 1008 followers now!

The blog is 3 years and 2 days old. Happy birthday!

Authormi’s pick of lists to read (besides the one linked):

What they say far too often: Vintage one, so you see what the old style was like.

What do the think of the heroes: Meta one!

Their pick for a movie night: There were no guesses on what movie is a Ayeroth-verse of what Earth-verse. I am proud of some of those titles.

No Orc Invasion: The first timeline speculation, which I really lvoed. If somebody was to write that AU, I’d read it actually.

If they could erase one person from existence: Another timeline speculation. I like making those!

Draw the squad: Maybe you could draw the squad?

Watching Les Misérables: This one was an especially important journey for me, because this list is why I saw the musical in the first place. Later I read the book too (I love the book), got into some Les Mis RP, made some very good friends out of that… Yeah, I owe this one lovable anon who requested it a lot. (More or less, now I am also a professional Valjean RPer, except I don’t get paid for it. Whenever somebody who knows me joins a new RP server and they haven’t got Valjean, they usually ask me. Like… what? How? Why? Why do you all think I am a good Valjean? Why- Never mind, this is a Warcraft blog. Moving on.)

Spell of the Violent Tongue: The first time it has been brought to my attention that I think about the characters in a way a lot fo other people doesn’t, because this list surprised a lot of readers, and by surprised I mean hit into feels so hard they complained to me. I talked about it with my mum later (family support is an important thing for me and mum is fan of Warcraft), and I’ve been told that “I treat the characters maybe a bit too realistically.” PSA for everybody: Warcraft is a story about broken people and violent racism.

Their God Tier: For the people who are fan of Homestuck too. (Homestuck itself is good. The fandom is weird)

Garrosh’s 37 ghost children: By which they became more or less canon on this blog, a regular stuff which is to be counted with.

How do they insult people: The most recent popular post.

Interview with Azshara: My personally favorite thing I have ever written for this blog, as in, I don’t think I am going to peak it.

Interview with Luxien: Because I want to press Taedal’s story and “expansion” to everybody, read the interview with his older evil sister.

Top 10 favorite characters: I suppose you are a bit curious who my faves are, so here you go.

Top 10 changes to the story I would do: By heart I am a storywriter. I give such things a lot of thoughts. But as I’ve mentioned earlier, lack of dedication is… making things hard.

Other cool stuff to check out (maybe?):

Taedal’s expansion wiki, of course. I have a lot of thoughts about that world and story and… I would love to went about it a bit, too.

This very cool fanfic on AO3.

The official portrait of Taedal.

The official portrait of Authormi.

The description of this blog, as taken from my personal blog:

wowheadquarters (WoW HeadQuarters, World of Warcraft Headquarters, WoWHQ) is by far my most popular blog, despite being younger than SNTS. I add new content twice a week, on Tuesday and Friday. I never thought I’d make more than 10 posts in total, but there we go. I admit that the original idea comes from bleachlists, but it has sort of evolved since then. I am trying to keep the blog not contradicting the canon, but some things in the HeadQuartersverse might not always agree with the official lore

Final words from Authormi:

Oh my fucking god, this is really unbelieveable that this thing is still going on. I never expected this blog to live beyond a month. I never thought I’d get more than 20 followers. I have 1000 now? That’s… is that Tumblr-famous? I’ve never had this many followers. Do you all read this? All the stuff? Am I shaping your view on the Warcraft universe? This is too much power for one person to have.

You want to know what’s actually my happiest memory connected to this blog? It was actually some time back (because my memory is a mess, I can’t tell you how far back), I had a really, really stuffed couple of weeks. A lot of to do, but also mentally exhausted, I was in a bad place for a bit there. Usually I am able to kick myself in the ass, sit down and make up the list on the go, even if it is bound to be miserable wreck of text, I write it. Sometimes when I am super done and tired, I write it on Saturday evening and pretend it’s Friday and so far everyone’s been so kind and there’s been no comment to that. But in those two or three weeks I just… couldn’t. Even clinging to this self-made structure was too exhausting. I wasn’t on Tumblr for basically the whole time (my main blog was fuelled by the queue). Sometimes when I am in a good place, I write lists in advance and schedule them, but at that time no such a thing took place, so this blog went silent without announcement and I couldn’t care less. When I finally found it in me to come online, my inbox greeted me with various people who were asking me if I was okay and whether or not I am still alive written in a very worried manner. And you know… reading that helped me a lot at the moment. It was a reminder that somebody here cares for me and cares for what I do and… Yeah, it was a damn motivation to get myself together a bit and write stuff and do some stuff. Since then I’m trying to announce in advance if I think I am not going to make it, and even then I am still trying to write the list as soon as possible when I am fit to.

A story for your amusement on this “write it when possible” note. This summer I was with my 4 younger siblings (my oldest sister, still younger than I, turned 18 last Thursday, the youngest sibling who also happens to be a sister is 4, but I don’t live with all the siblings, blah blah divorced parents blah blah, not related) and dad and grandfather in the beautiful village (or town?) of Au in Austria. I took my old laptop with me (I’ve got a new one recently) which had battery that could live on it’s own for, like 10 minutes. The house we were living in had no wi-fi, but there was a village-wide public wi-fi… which din’t reach the house. The nearest was at the bus stop, but that one was shaky, and the good reliable hotspot was at the park, 10 minutes of walk away from the house. Now, it was nearly Friday and I needed to post the list. So I wrote it int he laptop’s notepad, then turned off its life support, took it and dashed across all of Au to the wi-fi hotspot, formatted the document into a list, and hit post. About 2 minutes later, the laptop died.

I am thinking about making another blog directly meant for the asks, request or not, and those would stay there. What do you all think? Maybe I would lose things there, I am quite capable of it.

I’d love to talk about Taedal and his demons and his entire story a bit more. But I haven’t got, like, a reason to do so. I am sort of insecure in this matter, I sort of have the feeling that nobody really cares for Taedal here. “What are you thinking, a ‘good demon’ OC?” (Ask me about Taedal and his faction and the Broken and Distant Worlds expansion. I have an expansion and half planned in my head.)

There is some kind of an expectation or anticipation in me to have someone from Blizz discovering this blog and some big consequences happening. I am not sure whether I want it to happen or not. I mean, I am a bit… too-critical of their work in attempt to please the crowd here. (It’s easy to search for flaws when you take the good stuff as the norm. You are actually doing a good job, Blizzard, in the terms of game developing and marketing. But there is that one post going around which says that Warcraft lore/story is written by 9 people who cannot talk to each other. In this spirit, I am sure that there are 4 people writing charcter psychological profiles who don’t know of each other’s existence. Your animation is a snack, though.)

Wow. I suck at summaries. This is as brief as it gets.

#long post #even by my standards

[megatron-fucks]

ack - sorry, there was meant to be an earlier bit of the M/OP/Peacemakers query (which would have made the grammar work better), but tumblr ate it & I forgot to resubmit. I think M/OP from M's side is quite a bit about being able to trust - you can't do delayed gratification without trusting that you're actually going to get what you want, and "cut me open/drink my blood/push me to my limits and they're further out than you think" even more so. And truly trustable people are very rare...

and the other thing with both of them is about long-run equality - it matters that SS will always bite back & that M can give OP what he wants too, because the balance of being able to do those very directed relationships (both ways) without subtexts of class or ownership matters.

I did think there was maybe a message I'd missed.

anyway i love this message and am glad to get more of it.

the delayed gratification & trust thing makes me think about the early chapters of Peacemakers, because Megatron directly asks for denial in chapter four. it's been, like, three weeks since the surrender. they literally had their first kiss like 10 minutes prior.

and they haven't laid a great foundation for trust up to that point. Megatron literally says "This is the part where you tell me I'm a monster and we're still enemies." And after that, Optimus hurts him accidentally, and then nearly attacks him. AND admits that he's been lying. Megatron is not a trusting person and this is a TERRIBLE circumstance for building trust.

so then it's like. i think a mix of wanting something so much you don't care how you get it (which Megatron definitely does) and knowing each other so well that even when they're your enemy, you trust them. which is something i could write a whole post about.

#meta #law of the peacemakers #fic stuff

[flourchildwrites]

Sigzumi anon from before. I didn't mean to sound defensive. I meant the ask to sound joking, like fake-whining. Heehee sorry. *sweating emoji* I think the fandom IS only good if you stick to your corners (which I do. pov I'm sure EdRoy is nice or whatevr but I prefer Edwin myself & mainly stick around that). Haven't been in fandom for very long so i could end up in a bad part. That's stupid people were mean to u bc u didn't agree wth their HCs. you seem cool. and nice. feel better soon <3

I’m sorry, anon.

I’m glad you sent me this to set me straight on your tone.  It didn’t come off that way when I read it, and that’s probably because I had a very rough week.  I don’t take faux negativity well when I don’t know the person it’s coming from.  Let’s call that an unfortunate side effect of being belittled by men in bars under the pretense of “flirting.”

People don’t usually dislike me for my headcanons, though the “how old are Riza and Roy” is always a spirited debate.  People usually dislike me because I’m pro-ship.  Generally speaking, I respect the chosen fictional pairings of other fans irrespective of my own feelings toward a pairing.  I am, however, passionate about reader consent, specifically tagging works thoroughly and rating works appropriately.

And when I believe fans might be interacting inappropriately with minors in fandom spaces, I don’t write a callout post or spread online gossip.  I quietly report the person and the inappropriate action to someone who can do something about it in the real world.  I’ve done that twice, and though I hated the entire situation both times, I’d do it again.

My favorite FMA ships are Royai, Hyuroi, Rizbecca and Havolina, and I don't think I post much problematic content, so my pro-ship stance surprises people.  In certain circles, I get the worst of both worlds.  I’ve befriended other pro-shippers who have told me they assumed I was an anti because I don’t comment on or post problematic content.  But rest assured, passionate antis label me appropriately.  I get shitty asks from angry people, especially when I run events.

They don’t bother me too much anymore, so I delete them without responding.  There’s nothing I could say that would change that person’s mind, and there’s nothing to be gained by courting more negativity on my tumblr.  That’s a lesson I probably should have revisited before I shot my mouth off in your last ask.

I hope you continue to have a positive experience in the FMA fandom.  I love the source material, but there might be too much water under that bridge for me.  And I dislike the fact that we must keep to our own to ensure a good experience.

Seek no friendship outside the people who think the same.  Never interact with anything or anyone who operates outside your worldview.  Stay in line, and everything will be fine.  It reminds me a little of a caste system with classes determined by favorite ships instead of birth.

I used to think it was possible to co-exist.  And then I watched an FMA fandom 20th anniversary zine implode earlier this year.  I lost a lot of faith in the fandom after that.  Shelving the project was 100% the right decision given what happened; it’s a cautionary tale on so many levels.

Sorry again, anon, and thank you for clearing this up.

#you ask i answer #fma #anon #flourchildwrites #and apologizes