#I might honestly be ace or demi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ckret2 · 2 months

Note

Hi, found you through your Hazbin fic "You've Got A Face for Radio" and just. I've already left a comment on the ao3 about the fic in particular, but I also wanted reach out to another aro ace person, because while I do think I am on the ace spectrum, I am still kind of figuring things out. I've talked to a few people about not experiencing attraction, at least in the form most people do, and what they say almost always boils down to "you'll know it when you feel it" and "maybe you've felt it but repressed it subconsciously", which, I know they mean well but, it's not what I think is the case. I'm just. Kind of stuck on the enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters bit. What even classifies as sexual attraction anyway? Who defines it when it can vary from person to person?

Anyway, I hope I'm not being a bother, it's just that your fic gave me a lot to think. I'd have sent a dm since this might become a discussion (if you're willing) but I'm not sure what the Internet etiquette is here.

"You'll know it when you feel it" "maybe you've repressed it" lmaooo if that isn't THE MOST COMMON line questioning aces/aros get. Have you got "maybe you haven't met the right person" yet? There probably isn't an ace/aro in the world who's explored their identity without some (hopefully) well-meaning but oblivious allo saying one of those things.

When they DO mean well, it comes from a place of not being able to imagine being ace/aro; it seems more likely to most allos that the attraction is hiding rather than absent entirely. You can rest assured that anybody who says that is expressing something about their own understanding of sexuality, rather than anything about their understanding of your sexuality.

Honestly and sincerely, the "enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters" bit is what personally delayed me from identifying as ace for, like, a decade longer than it had to. "Well hey, I love thinking about sex if it's some kind of alien or robot, that doesn't seem very ace; so I must not be ace, maybe I just haven't yet met a normal real-life person who's interesting enough for me." But that kind of thinking comes from not understanding what being ace is!

Because the criteria for being ace is actually a lot lower than most people think. It's not "never thinks people are attractive," or "disgusted by sexual situations," or even "never wants to have sex." Those can be part of the experience of asexuality but they aren't necessary. (Some aces think people are attractive, just not sexually attractive! Some aces want to have sex, they just aren't sexually attracted to the people they're having it with, they're interested in the act rather than the partner! It's a spectrum!)

The litmus test I personally use for "sexual attraction," and that's worked for a lot of people I know, is this:

Have you ever looked at somebody, thought they were hot, and automatically thought to yourself that you'd LOVE to have sex with them if the opportunity ever arose? Maybe not even realistically wanted that to happen, but just felt that as a gut feeling? Just thought yeah, it'd be hot to sleep with them with the same instinctive immediate reaction that you might, say, see something delicious and think "ohhh that looks so good I wanna eat that" or see a really cool trailer and think "I SO wanna see that movie"?

That's sexual attraction. You, personally, automatically feel like you wanna have sex with somebody—possibly even a stranger!—possibly even if you know you wouldn't actually really choose to do it IRL for whatever reason—just because they're sexy.

If you haven't experienced that specific feeling before, you're almost definitely some flavor of ace.

(And even if you HAVE experienced that feeling before you might still be ace—possibly some flavor of gray-ace or demi-ace. Some people do experience that feeling, but so so very rarely that they feel like their overall experience of sexual attraction is more ace than allo. Some people experience that feeling but ONLY toward somebody they have a deep emotional connection to, whereas allos can experience that feeling toward strangers. Some people experience that feeling but if actually faced with the OPTION to have that sex they're turned off. All of these are ways to be ace. So the litmus test isn't the be-all end-all; but if that feeling has NEVER happened to you, that's probably ace.)

Based on this ask and on the comment you left me on Ao3, I'm guessing your form of engagement with sexuality is like what I wrote about in the fic: reading about characters having wild nasty sex is great, could read smut and/or smutty comics all day, maybe you fantasize about your blorbos screwing, maybe you've gotten off to these fantasies or to smut... but: all your fantasies are about somebody else having sex. Probably somebody else who isn't even real.

Are you ever in those fantasies? How do you feel about "character x reader" fics, does being y/n turn you on or does it squick you out to imagine [character] flirting with YOU? Do you ever think "wow I'D like to fuck [character]" or is it only "I wanna see [character] fuck (but I don't wanna be there myself)"? If "you" ever ARE in these fantasies, is it actually YOU, REALLY YOU, or are you just imagining the fantasy from the perspective of another character who isn't you? Do you ever have a sexual interest in the actors/voice actors, or does your sexual interest in them vanish when you aren't viewing them as their (fictional) character?

I can't tell you whether you're ace; but I can tell you that "I'm ONLY interested in FICTIONAL characters doing EACH OTHER, and I would lose interest if they were real people" is not a normal/common allosexual experience.

And if you're into micro labels, there are a couple under the asexual umbrella that describes that exact experience. The current term is aegosexual. (Older term autochorissexual; that was the current term when I learned it so I still tend to use it lmao.) It's for people whose primary experience of sexuality is fantasies that they themselves aren't part of. It's not mentioned on the page I've linked, but a LOT of aegosexuals have reported that they're specifically most into fantasies about cartoon/drawn characters and other fictional characters—the more "real" they are, the less appealing they are.

(And there's the related term "aegoromantic"—I'm focusing on sexuality here since that's mainly what the ask focused on, and also because historically I've seen less people struggle with "I don't want romance, I just enjoy reading love stories; I must be aro" compared to "I don't want sex, I just enjoy reading smut; I must be ace.")

Learning the term autochorissexual/aegosexual and why it made sense to fit under the ace umbrella is what got me over the hurdle of "oh, hey, I guess I am ace"—if you think it describes your experience, I hope it can help you too. If not, it at least shows just how varied the ace experience can be.

(I'm answering this publicly because I've seen SO MANY PEOPLE grappling with "I like FAKE sex; does that mean I can't be ace?"—many of whom have contacted me because of that fic, shocked to see someone else describe their own experiences and call it a flavor of ace—so I'm hoping this might help other questioning aces/aros! But you're also welcome to DM me!)

#thepanopticon is just azkaban #ask #asexuality #aromanticism #aegosexual #sexuality #about my writing

78 notes · View notes

heretherebedork · 9 months

Text

I am very interested in what BMF was saying today about asexuality versus insecurity about sex versus sex in a relationship.

We saw Kawi say he would be more than happy to simply hold hands in bed forever. We saw Max say that he has sex before he ever starts dating anyone. We saw Piseang's desire but also willingness to follow Kawi's lead.

Three different approaches to the idea of sexuality and sex in a relationship and none are right and none are wrong but we did end with the implication that Kawi agreed to sex with Piseang as something new after a day or rejecting new ideas and no discussion about his own thoughts on sex.

So... is this asexual erasure? Is the idea of this episode that Kawi was avoiding sex out of fear rather than a lack of desire?

There is no evidence either way for that. Because there is no singular way to be ace. Kawi doesn't have to be sex repulsed to be ace. Heck, he doesn't have to be ace. He might be demi and only discovering what sexual desire is because he's finally found that part of himself with Piseang.

It was interesting to have the entire conversation with Max revolve around sex and sexual desire and not include asexuality but I also understand it because this is a discussion a lot of BLs over the years have stayed away from entirely (see the blushing maiden trope via @absolutebl because it is a DOOZY, honestly) so is this about asexuality or is this about the idea that for certain people society has said that desire is wrong?

What kind of societal commentary are we exploring with Kawi's reluctance? IS this about asexuality or a fear of sexuality? Is this about how he doesn't want to have sex or about how his reluctance is shaped by society in a way he doesn't even see? Is this commentary on older BLs and their lack of examination of this reluctance?

There are so many facets to what this could be and could mean and I feel like we ending with Kawi agreeing to trying to try sex with Piseang is a very interesting choice that I both understand and am a bit reluctant about. Because what is this about? Kawi's reluctance because he's uninterested or because he's afraid in a way he can't articulate? Is the rollercoaster representing something new or something scary or something that he knows he doesn't like but can't fully articulate?

149 notes · View notes

fallershipping · 1 month

Text

I'm Ace-spec (Demi for romantic and intimate) and I'm honestly baffled whenever someone says "I headcanon [insert young character here] as Aroace" most of the time because their mannerisms remind them of when they were a young baby ace

and the weirdest thing for me. the weirdest thing, is that I always see or get a comment of "AREN'T THEY A CHILD?? WHY ARE YOU PUSHING THIS ONTO THEM"

f.. for headcanoning them as Aroace? I always just think "Oh! They remind me of when I was young and growing up wondering why relationships just weren't in my mind but everyone else made it such a big deal, and why it was forced in every media ever, etc etc"

Of course, people who say "I think they might be gay/lesbian" get the same flack too.

It's so odd to me. And upsetting. Do any of you feel this way?

Edit: And this is in a world where young characters have their crushes and love interests in media, but it's all hetero. It boggles my mind that the moment someone says "oh that sounds like growing up aroace or MLM/WLW" raises hackles but then we get shit like COUGH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG'S REALLY CREEPY AND BADLY WRITTEN CRUSH THAT MARINETTE HAS COUGH HACK COUGH what did you say? i didnt say anything.

#/These are only concerning the posts about just headcanons out of reminiscing about growing up #/Being a baby gay or ace and 'oh i remember that! they're kinda like me!'#/It's so upsetting to me that people make the weirdest assumptions #/why are YOU thinking about that??? is the real question

39 notes · View notes

aspecpplarebeautiful · 3 months

Note

I know some aspec people worry about finding a partner or being in any type of relationship and things like that, but I promise it is possible to find a person and relationship that works for you, if it’s what you want.

About a month ago, I met someone on a dating app, just a normal lgbtq one that wasn’t specifically for ace people (it was taimi if anyone is curious). I really didn’t have any expectations of finding anyone I might want to date, much less finding someone I would definitely fall for. But I did. It was a complete chance occurrence, but now I can’t imagine not having her in my life. She didn’t even have anything about being aspec on her bio, but we matched and started talking and everything has fallen into place so wonderfully that it’s unreal. I don’t know if she herself would specifically identify as aspec, but when we talked about sex, both of us are very iffy about it. (I’m ace, potentially demi-ace). And she gets that I’m aro-spec too, tho honestly with her my feelings are probably romantic but I can never tell the difference between romantic and alterous.

Anyways, my point is that it could be a completely random person that you strike up a conversation anywhere and that’s someone who might be just right for you. I wasn’t seriously looking, but I found her anyways. It is possible for aspec people who want some type of relationship or partner or whatever to find the person who is right for them. You can even find them in a non-aspec setting, like a regular dating app. I’ve met several people just in my area at or near work who are also aspec. And I live in a rural area in the middle of nowhere lol. Other aspec people or people who would be comfortable in a relationship with an aspec person, they do exist and they’re out there! You never know who you’re gonna meet. So don’t give up hope.

~wolfyboi

Very well said!

36 notes · View notes

fantasiacafecat · 10 months

Text

I noticed I didn't post any LGBTQ+ stuff or any Skyrim modded Follower content in more than a week. So why not make both right now?

Lgbtq+ headcanons with the Dovahkrew

These are Sexuality and romantic orientations not gender orientation headcanons. Sorry. These are also MY headcanons so if they don't match up with your headcanons it's not personal so please don't get mad at me. I am curious to see your headcanons as well though.

Inigo- Heteroflexible. He is most definitely interested in women and I always head canon that after the events of Skyrim he does settle down with the woman of his dreams who just happens to own a sweet roll shop. But I also feel like he would definitely point out a man's beauty. He seems like a very comfortable in his Sexuality kind of guy.

Lucien- Questioning Asexual Biromantic. He seems more interested in knowledge and learning other things than a relationship. And if someone did ask about his orientations then I feel like he wouldn't be able to answer that because he doesn't really try to experiment with romance of any kind.

Kaidan- Bisexual with maybe a fem preference (including feminine or men). I also see him as Pansexual because honestly I don't think he really cares about what gender his lover is.

Auri- Sapphic or Lesbian. I mean her creator basically made it Canon that she Prefers women.

Rumarin- Panflux 100%. Gender doesn't get in the way when it comes to any type of attraction to one another.

Vilja- I really only know her from a video of Inigo dialogue they have together. If I had to make a guess I would say she's straight or Pan, but I'm leading more into Straight.

Sofia- Bi with a big male preference.

Hoth- I really wish there were more videos and content on his commentary in Skyrim because I don't have him, but I'm interested him so much that I'd love to know more about his character. I feel like he doesn't use labels and gender isn't that much of an issue when it comes to love.

Taliesin- Pansexual. I mean come on its THE Talisman.

Gore (aka bby girl)- Questioning Omnisexual. It just feels right to me

Caryalind- I can't remember if rabbit said his sexuality was Demiromantic Asexual. I know he is Ace (or at least on the Ace spectrum) but I can't remember is they anything about being demi. I think he's Demiromantic.

Lucifer- Polysexual but I feel like he does have a male preference though I could be very very wrong. It's so funny because I play with him a lot on Skyrim but barely know anything about him. He holds grudges, he's very secretive (good on him because i would be too if i was in his situation), and he loves argonians. He seems to look up to Xelzaz and Inigo (and in some sense he does seem to be very enthusiastic when first meeting Nebarra until he realizes he doesnt like his personality) a lot which is what fueled my belief that he's maybe Achillean (Sapphic but for masculine terms instead of feminine).

Nebarra- I 100% believe that he refuses to use any labels. I think he might lean toward women a bit more, but that would only be because of how altmer are only raised to make the perfect child, so opposite sex relationships are probably the most common in the Summerset Isles. His fixation with Niranye and past relationship with Camia shows that. He doesn't seem Asexual because he doesn't hide the fact that he does enjoy the idea of doing the naughty naughty. His commentary on Dibella, Dibella Sybil quest, in the Night to Remember he says how he hopes we got to experience the Dibellan arts, and how he jokes about being Lucifer's father just prove that.

Xelzaz- Don't get mad at me, but I think he's straight. He says when hes ready he's like to marry a female argonian, and the only other time he's fallen I love was with another girl. I don't think he's asexual, but I think he definitely isn't very interested in it though we wouldn't really know because he seems very adamant on wanting to keep that part of his life private (as he should I love a king that doesn't feel like he has to tell us his sexual life).

Remiel- Asexual Panromantic. It was already proved Canon that she's Asexual. I had the conversation with her where she tells is she doesn't feel sexual feelings towards someone as she does with romantic feelings (also good on her. Not every relationship needs to have sexual desire in them). She's fallen in love with boys before and didn't seem too mad about being arranged to another man so I don't want to label her as Sapphic. And she does fall in love with you regardless of gender and I haven't seen anything that says she has a preference from the creator so I believe she's panromantic.

Secunda- I really don't know her that much yet as I'm still playing with her. First impressions is telling me panflux though I could be wrong though.

Extra!

Serana- Without the SDA. She always gave me Asexual Biromantic vibes.

Teldryn Sero- Haven't started A serious Teldryn mod yet so I don't know too too much about his personal preferences, but he seems like the type who doesn't really use labels. Though I'm positive he is Bisexual.

Karina- Panromantic Demisexual. It was confirmed by the one who made her @jewelthejaguar742

Arstul- Asexual Omniromantic with a male preference. Talked with @joonjii about it and it's confirmed. However, they also said he could be panromantic with a male preference too but they said my opinion was valid and technically right.

I might post sexuality headcanons for all my dragonborn and follower ocs

65 notes · View notes

rabbiitte · 7 months

Note

thank you so much for your analysis on Mew - it's so interesting! I feel like there's so much hate towards him right now (and I don't really get why? The SandRay situation obviously isn't his fault?) but he's such an interesting character to me, flaws and all.

You're also the only person I've seen talk about his potential demisexuality, and I was wondering if you could expand on that? There are a lot of comments out there saying that Mew has a really unhealthy attitude to sex because he doesn't seem to want to have it - and spends the first few episodes actively avoiding it. I'm not disagreeing with that perspective entirely, but what's wrong with just not wanting to have sex? I'm asexual so I may be missing something in this fandom discourse - is it Mew's desire for control that's unhealthy, or is the argument that a healthy relationship must include sex? I was so pleased to see your comment about demisexuality, because honestly that's what his whole character screams to me. (I could also be reading into it way too much, we don't get a lot of ace/demi rep!)

Thanks again for the great meta, I love your posts!

You're welcome Anon! I'm glad you found the analysis on Mew interesting. I agree, there's so much hate towards Mew right now and I think it is due to several reasons: a) Mew negatively affects SandRay's development. b) Mew is a difficult character to read and that can make certain people uncomfortable. c) People don't like the actor and resent the fact that he's a central character in the series.

The topic you brought up is extremely interesting and I don't see enough people talking about it, so... Sure, let's talk about Mew's possible sexual orientation! 🤗

Since EP1 it has been theorized about Mew being demisexual due to the following moment:

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where individuals typically experience sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional connection or bond with someone. Unlike many other sexual orientations, demisexual individuals may not feel immediate or purely physical attraction to others and often require a deeper emotional connection to develop sexual desire.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation that is on the spectrum of asexuality. What does it mean that asexuality is a spectrum?

“asexuality as a spectrum” means that asexuality it's not a monolithic sexual orientation (not a single, uniform category that encompasses all people who identify as asexual) and that it encompasses a variety of experiences and degrees of sexual attraction. Asexual people may experience their orientation differently, and that's why we talk about a spectrum. Many asexual people may experience no sexual attraction and others may experience sexual attraction in very specific circumstances. However, this is only one aspect of many that makes asexuality a spectrum.

At the same time, asexuality is a sexual orientation within the asexual spectrum.

Mind you, lack of sexual attraction should not be confused with lack of romantic attraction. A person can be hetero-romantic, bi-romantic, homo-romantic, and so on.

Why do I explain all this? First, in the case that someone who's not very informed is reading. Second, because I think Mew is asexual and not demisexual. It's debatable, what's not debatable is that Mew's sexual orientation is part of the asexual spectrum. However, I think the theory that Mew is demisexual is no longer in line with what Mew has shown in recent episodes. Despite having accepted his feelings for Top and forming an emotional bond, Mew has no sexual attraction for Top. This is also consistent with the fact that Mew is still discovering his sexuality and, at first, he might have thought that after getting to know Top he would experience sexual attraction. In fact, many asexual people used to think at first they were demisexual (because at first you don't want to rule out the idea of possible future sexual attraction).

So, let's get things straight:

Mew isn't sexually attracted to Top. Despite that, like many asexual people, he may consider someone attractive. In this case, he considers Top attractive and, at the same time, he actively seeks a romantic relationship with him (once again, romantic attraction isn't related to sexual attraction). He isn't particularly interested in having or perusing sex. He never manifests enthusiasm, desire or strong emotional reactions (deep desire, passion, excitement, among other) towards the sexual act itself. In the shower scene he tells Top that their sexual encounter was "okay" and, during their first time, Mew simply lies down and lets himself be pleased (in case anyone is wondering, yes, asexual people can feel physical pleasure because they're still people and physical pleasure is a natural response of the body to stimuli).

Actually, Mew is completely fine being a virgin. Even so, he's not sex repulsed so he's fine with the idea of having sex. Although he doesn't have a terrible time doing it, he certainly doesn't enjoy it. And, like many asexual people, he feels pressured to have sex. However, it's important to note that Mew didn't have sex against his will. In fact, like many asexual people who decide to have sex for different reasons, Mew had sex with Top because he considered it important when it came to forming an intimate relationship.

Based on all this information we can say that, although someone's sexual orientation is something very particular that everyone experiences and defines internally (therefore it's difficult to know with certainty someone's sexual orientation), we can say that Mew is a homo-romantic asexual person. This means that Mew doesn't feel sexual attraction but does feel romantic attraction to people of the same gender. In turn, his attitude towards sex is neutral (he neither takes a sex-favorable stance nor rejects the idea of having sex).

Regarding your question about control or sex as something inherent in relationships, I don't think either of these two desires is unhealthy. Actually, we all want to have some degree of control in our lives, otherwise we would live in a constant state of anxiety and panic. Control is unhealthy when it becomes a necessity and an obsession. Control also becomes unhealthy when someone tries to maintain control through questionable attitudes that affect others negatively. I also don't think the idea of not wanting to have sex is unhealthy. Sex isn't a prerequisite for romantic relationships (in fact, there are countless healthy romantic relationships that don't include sex), our degree of sexual attraction doesn't define us. In terms of sexual health, a healthy and positive relationship with one's sexuality involves being able to identify one's own limits and respect them. I believe that the thought of “avoiding sex or not wanting to have sex” as unhealthy is related to the pathologization of asexuality. However, it's of utmost importance to remember that asexuality is not a problem to be solved.

I am sorry to dwell on so much Anon but I consider this topic extremely significant and valuable to discuss. Of course, feel free to disagree with me. I hope I answered your questions!

46 notes · View notes

graylinesspam · 1 month

Text

When having discussions about MY OWN Asexuality these are some graphics and anectdotes that have made it easier for me to explain it to them.

Since I have had so many curious people on my Ace poll, I'm gonna give it a shot and complie it together in a post.

Firstly, the basic deffinition of Asexuality:

As stated in the graphic, libido, or a hormonal urge for sex is not the same thing as an attraction to another person. In basic terms being horny does not equal having a want to have sex with another person.

I'd like to acknowledge that there is more to the Ace spectrum than just flat ace before I make my next point, so here's my favorite graphic.

These are just three of the many sub-identities on the ace spectrum with some basic definitions but they get the point across about differing levels of the lack of sexual attraction.

Because sex can look different to a lot of asexuals. There are plenty of asexuals that despite missing the initial spark of attraction that mighty motivates an allosexual person, don't mind or even enjoy having sex, for the romantic intimacy with a partner or even just for the endorphin release.

But there are many more asexuals that have a more complicated relationship with sex that can intersect with other aspects of their life like their personal relationships (see demi), their past traumas, their romantic orientation, or their sexual kinks.

One of the basic struggles of Asexuality is determining what qualifies as "sexual attraction"

When you rarely or never experience sexual attraction it may be hard to distinguish between different attractions.

Anecdotally, I base my concept of someone being sexually attractive on my Aesthetic and Sensual attraction. I do this for a shorthand to relate to other people in my life who experience sexual attraction. Partly because I find the concept of sex fascinating to discuss and partially because I love collecting my little group of fictional characters that I project my sexuality onto. I choose them based on whether I enjoy looking at them (which trust me, does not adhere to societal beauty standards) and whether I think being physically close to them (sensually) might be pleasant.

I say this because I think it is a common experience for Asexual people. I am honestly astonished that my poll had such an even distribution of answers. It was really just for fun and not a well-thought-out series of answers. Most people noted that multiple of the answers suited them. But the most common comments I got on that poll were that interms of fiction or media of some kind, they were sex positive. But when it came to any reality where they themselves would engage in sex, that was an entirely different answer.

Well, here's my personal reflections on that same concept within myself that others may or may not relate to.

When I was still in the process of figuring out my own Asexuality, I was confused by the concept of having an extremely high libido and a collection of fictional crushes, but no irl attraction.

At the time I was also heavily into dissecting other social tangles such as the way that men view women through their own societal lens of sexuality. And the biggest argument at the time was "If you only find big boob, flawless skin, totally obedient hentai women sexually attractive, then you're probably not actually into women. Because none of the real ones look like that." Which is true.

This made me think about why I found specifically onky fictional people attractive. Which boiled down to a set of ideals that I could never expect a real person to live up to. If the only way I can even consider being sexually attracted to a person is with them following a humanly impossible set of ideals, then I'm probably just not actually attracted to anyone.

And that's fine. It sounded scary at first. But I grew used to it.

When you take the attraction factor out of sex many people will lose interest entirely. Sex can be a really complicated and messy buissness. There's so many factors you have to consider like, location, time, partner, physical discomfort, physical and emotional vulnerability, body fluids, contraception, std testing, and a plethora of other things that can be really overwhealming even if you are really motivated to have sex. If you arent? Many people don't see a point in it.

But some do and having sexual experiences and even enjoying them doesn't make you any less asexual. There are whole kink groups that are ran and populated by asexual people because kinks gives a structure to the otherwise chaotic buisness of sex and makes it more appealing to them. On top of that kinks can be arousing reguardless of your sexual orrientation and may make it easier to engage in sex.

I'd like to add, for my own peace of mind, that asexuality can feel very isolating. Many people want a partner that finds them sexualy appealing. And that's understandable. But try not to think of your sexuality as limiting. Because asexuality can open so many doors in the queer community that you may not have considered yet.

Being Asexual means you don't have attraction to any gender, meaning that you may be open to dating or having a QPR with others regardless of their gender.

Sex repulsed? You certainly may be able to meet the needs of another asexual person especially if they are sex repulsed too. Having the pressure of sex removed from a relationship can be so relieving.

Asexual people also occupy a space outside of the societal norms of what is considered sexually appealing. And may often completely disagree with general society about what they find attractive. There's a lot of ace people I know personally that are with their partners purely for domestic compatibility and not for appearances at all. This may actually lead to stronger relationships. Even though the process of vetting others looks a bit sterile or like a buisness deal, it's more effective in finding somone you genuinly like and agree with. Someone you can spend forever with.

It also opens doors to people of all types of physicalities.

These are really just anecdotes, but I feel there's so much us ace get put down for. I'd like to lift the community up for once.

Final thoughts on the matter (unless I am asked to elaborate) are that Asexuality is a hugely varied expirience. It affects people in many different ways. And it can be really confusing to figure out. But the point of the poll I made was to point out how many ace people there are just in my orbit on Tumblr. We are not alone. There are so many more of us than you might think. Thousands. And I for one am so excited about that.

(I didn't credit the graphics bc i've had them saved for years and honestly fon't remember where they came from.)

#asexuality #asexual #aspec #aspectrum #queer stuff #queer community #lgbtq community #lgbt

14 notes · View notes

sabo-has-my-heart · 10 months

Note

hello hello :3 ive been LOVINF ur scenarios soo much lately!! do u think u could write some for zoro/sanji/ace/law dating gn!reader who is aromantic but enjoys dating and doing romantic things (ie. going on dates, kissing, cuddling)? they could either be in a queerplatonic relationship and also aromantic, or in a traditionally romantic relationship but reader doesn't *always* feel romantically towards them/attraction fluctuates? maybe u could include crewmates being a little confused by the nature of their relationship, or navigating the boundaries of a non-traditional relationship? if not thats okay! ik aro relationships can b hard 2 understand for some ^^

Aw, thank you, I'm so glad you like them. I actually finished this a lot faster than I thought. So I don't know much about being aromantic, asexual, demi, pan, whatever sex-romantical (IRL, I'm actually the opposite, I want a romantic relationship but am not particularly touchy). That being said, I did look it up. There's still a lot I don't understand but I tried my best. That being said, please, please, please, please, please! Tell me what you think and give me feeback. I can't learn if you don't help me.

Warnings: GN!Reader, Aromantic!Reader, queer!Platonic relationships

Word Count: 1200

He’d been your best friend for years, or well, maybe friends wasn’t quite the right term. You weren’t just friends but you weren’t dating either. You enjoyed the comfort of romantic things, enjoyed the warmth of cuddling, enjoyed the fun of dates, but you didn’t have ‘those feelings’ for him, or anyone really. That being said, just because you didn’t feel like that towards him, didn’t mean you didn’t sometimes enjoy the activities included in such a relationship. Was he in the same boat as you as an aromantic? No. But he understood your desire for it and was close enough to provide you with the peace and serenity of such things. Sometimes, sometimes, you wished you could feel that way towards others. It would make everything so much easier if you did. You’d be able to actually date, to tell him you loved him in that way, people wouldn’t be confused by your relationship. They understood when you said aromantic, what they didn’t quite understand was being aromantic while enjoying romantic things. Even still, they did their best to understand, or at least not give you hell for it, you were you, you liked what you liked, that was what mattered. So they let you do what made you comfortable.

Zoro

He liked sleeping with you, sprawled out in the warm sun on the grass, one arm around you, one behind his head as you snuggled up to him and dozed off in his arms. Honestly, your relationship worked quite well with him. He hadn’t found anyone he felt that way for and honestly didn’t care enough to look. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in finding someone, just that he was focused on other things at the moment. That being said, he still enjoyed the comfort of having a warm body next to his, it brought a sort of… peace and contentment that he didn’t otherwise get. A relationship with a crew member was always a bad idea in his mind, nor was he interested in them; he doubted any of them were particularly interested in him or simply want to cuddle with him for the sake of physical contact. Well, Luffy might, but Luffy was… interesting. You were different though, the two of you were close enough to share a bottle of sake on a moonlit night and enjoy the romantic things but without needing to be romantic. You did have an understanding that in the chance that he found someone he felt that way for, he could break it off if necessary, but until it was necessary, he was more than happy to fulfill your need for romantic actions without the romance.

Sanji

At first, he’d been a little hesitant. A relationship that wasn’t romantic? He’d understood that you were aromantic, but he didn’t quite understand your desire for romantic touches without the actual romance. Didn’t understand wanting to cuddle or kiss or hug but not be together together. That being said, as your closest friend, he’d listened to you and was at least open to attempt it on the condition that if he was uncomfortable, you end things amicably. You’d agreed, he was your friend, you understood that he might not be comfortable with such things just as you weren’t comfortable with actual romance. Surprisingly, he found your agreement to be more comforting than previously thought. There was a warmth and tenderness in holding each other, a sort of softness and care in the kisses he placed on the top of your head. The two of you even enjoyed cooking together, just without all the lovey-dovey romance that came with a romantic relationship. Moreover, you seemed to curb some of his womanizing habits. He still fawned over women left and right, but not quite as much. While he might want a romantic relationship at some point, at the same time, he really enjoyed what he had with you.

Ace

Ace was all over the romantic-sexual spectrum. Some days he was more interested in men than women or vice versa, some days he didn’t want a relationship with anybody, other days all he wanted was sex. The boy’s romantic and sexual preference was so all over the charts it was hard to keep up. But there was one constant. His desire for human affection, his desire to be held. He was touch starved and wanted somebody to love him, romantically or platonically, he just wanted to be held or to hold someone. Meaning that a queerplatonic relationship worked perfectly fine with him. He got to hold you, got to be held, but he didn’t have to worry about stumbling around and being romantic. He could go on a date with you, but have it be comfortable, not stumbling over his words as he tried not to mess things up. The two of you were still friends, maybe slightly more than friends, but first and foremost, friends. This also meant that he had somebody looking out for him. Somebody who would keep him from falling face first into his food, but he wouldn’t have to be embarrassed because ‘oh what will they think of me’. Someone who didn’t mind his dumbass shenanigans and not fret over him getting hurt. Hell, you joined in! And with his whole son of Roger thing, he wasn’t entirely certain he wanted a romantic relationship, a romantic relationship, whether or not he had those feelings, would just complicate things, just make things harder. No, he really liked what you two had.

Law

The doctor had never been particularly affectionate, meaning that when you came to him with this, he was confused as hell. Why him? He wasn’t cuddly, he wasn’t loving or doting, so why him? That being said, after your first time holding him, cuddling up to him, nuzzling against his chest, he found himself desiring more. He didn’t care much for romance, he wasn’t interested in it, he didn’t have a need for it, and he didn’t have a place for it in his life. He was a pirate and a surgeon, he was fairly cold to a lot of people, he’d done things that some people might call horrible, and he had other things he wanted to accomplish. Romance with anyone outside his crew was a no go and dating among crew members in such a small crew was inadvisable. As a doctor, he also understood the need for physical human affection and interaction, understood the brain’s need to be loved, even if you weren’t romantically interested. This fulfilled both of your needs. He still wasn’t very affectionate outside of his room or office. He didn’t go around holding you or kissing you, wasn’t particularly close to you, but when it was just the two of you, he enjoyed the feelings of keeping you close, of resting his head on your chest. Being the doctor that he was, he’d listened to plenty of heartbeats, but there was something soothing about the drumming in his ear. The crew knew that the two of you had taken to sharing a bed, they didn’t quite understand, but you and Law were happy in your strange non-romantic relationship, so they didn’t question it.

49 notes · View notes

lovelessnotheartless · 4 months

Note

Hey, I'm the anon who was feeling bad about lacking experience.

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. It's given me a bit to think about and honestly made me feel quite a bit better.

I also discovered the turtle and pond comic from others reposting your answer, and it really put some things into perspective.

Maybe my mental health is a deciding role in my demi aro/ace identity. Maybe it isn't and when I get better I'll be exactly same. I almost feel like if I gained more confidence i would be more than happy to be without romance in my life and that right now I just feel insecure. But, at least now I feel as though I might understand myself a little better.

I hope that wasn't too rambly. Thanks again.

I'm happy to help, and glad you've been figuring things out, anon. Best of luck for your future!

~Mod Jo

#loveless letters #mod jo #ace #asexual #aromantic #aro #aroace #lgbt

17 notes · View notes

gummy-sharks666 · 3 months

Note

Sweetie, I have a new meal that I wish you to cook 😋😋😋 for the random hcs of bakugan characters.

Shun, Dan, Marucho and Billy.

Have fun!! ❤️🤩❣️

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 🫣

Shun:

Gender: v gender-fluid/demi boy

Sexuality: I’m thinking his sexuality is also p fluid but he’s probably attracted to more fem ppl

A ship I have: haven’t seen s4 but I’ve been converted to the shunsellon agenda. They can be emo together <3 might be strange but I like shun/ace 🫣

BROTP: Dan definitely. They’ve had ups and downs together, childhood friends. A lot of ppl ship them but idk I just see them more as rlly good friends personally. Also fabia and Alice

NOTP: uhh probably Shun/Fabia. I think they’re just friends

Random hc: his favorite MCR album is Black Parade but hes too afraid to admit it bc then he’d either be called basic or he’d have to explain the reason is because of losing his mom and how the hard he relates to the lyrics

General opinion: I like him and HOO boy I shave a history with him for sure. He was def one of my faves as a child and definitely contributed to my gender crisis. Also began my love for Ventus and Ventus users. I don’t think I ever crushed on him but I wanted to be him so bad…

Dan:

Gender: someone has to be the cis male of the group, it’s him

Sexuality: bi but definitely has not explored his attraction to masc presenting ppl as much. It takes him awhile to figure out he’s bi

A ship I have: THERAPY LMAO 💀 but fr I’d say either Spectra or Anubias, although I think those relationships would be more one sided (Dan not really noticing they’re crushing on him so damn hard). I think that’s why I like it so much too bc I’ve had MANY crushes like that before and i like angst… something something Pete Wentz lyrics be like

BROTP: Shun for sure, him and Runo strike me as the divorced couple who end up being besties after going separate ways and learning ab themselves more. Also Drago obvs

NOTP: Literally any female character in the show

Random hc: adhd for SURE

General opinion: I’d say season 1 Dan will forever be my fave. He’s a little shithead kid who gets the bomb dropped on him and he has to start reevaluating how he looks at the other people around him, but that starts to falter in the later seasons where he just becomes the stereotypical hero who gets all the buffs and does no wrong, which does his character such a disservice. I honestly like that he was such a dick in the beginning bc that’s how most kids are, but the point is they learn through meeting other people and experiencing shit. We were robbed of that for Dan after season 1 IMO. But overall he’s fine ig.

Marucho:

Gender: reads as a boy to me personally, now that I think ab it him being a trans guy is so real. Short trans kings unite 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Sexuality: his sexuality is fluid. He just likes who he likes, but I think he definitely tends to fall more for personality than looks

A ship I have: MARUREN OBVIOUSLY!! Literally one of the best things ab season 3

BROTP: Julie and Runo definitely

NOTP: uhhhhh idk honestly I haven’t seen him be shipped with too many ppl for me to be like “oh hell naw” 😭😭

Random hc: he def has a bakugan discord and probably a separate one for him and all the original brawlers from when the game first started. Him and Julie coordinate all the reunions and meetups

General opinion: I love this dude fr. He’s fucking LOADED but he’s still the sweetest kid in the universe. He’s not just hella book smart but he’s extremely emotionally intelligent too. I also relate to him with that whole gifted kid past a bit,,, hes honestly just all around a fantastic character I’m a big fan of Marucho. Def one of the best characters in the series

Billy:

Gender: yknow what,, I’m gonna say it. Billy gives me transmasc vibes

Sexuality: straight

A ship I have: Canon, but Julie. I think they’re whole backstory connection, the falling out and reconnection was really cute. I hope they have a good rest of their lives together 🫡

BROTP: Jake. I think they’d be homies. Jake is the third wheel on his and Julie’s dates

NOTP: uhhh idk honestly,,, maybe klaus 💀

Random hc: huge fan of early 2000’s pop alongside Julie

General opinion: I think he’s cool. He’s not one they expand on a whole lot but him and Julie are one of the very few straight ships I rlly like

#bakugan #bakugan battle brawlers #gundalian invaders #bakugan gundalian invaders #new vestroia #bakugan mechtanium surge #bakugan new vestroia #dan kuso #shun kazami #billy hargrove #marucho marukura #character hcs #character asks

9 notes · View notes

sobeksewerrat · 8 months

Text

TMF SEXUALITY/GENDER IDENTITY HEAD CANNONS CUZ WHY THE FREAK NOT

(most of them are like bi or pan soooo-)

(this might change later btw)

Jake: bisexual mess, cuz, c'mon

Hailey: lesbian disaster. no, you can't convince me otherwise. jailey? what's that? I only know HAISY

Milly: Straight ally, was tempted to make her orchidsexual for the sake of the puns but decided not to

Luke: probably pan, but doesn't care too much about labels

Zander: Gay; I literally have nothing to say, it's just canon

Sean: bi, also non-binary (he/they pronouns). I've hc them as enby ever since I read a timeskip fic where Luke referred to him as 'they'.

Henry: eh, probably bi, just for the sake of Henriam

Liam: omnisexual, has a thing for MILFs.

Drew: contrary to popular belief, I hc him as bi. (for the sake of healthy Droey AUs, and because it makes his relationship with Zoey worse since he would've actually love her instead of being a repressed gay)

Zoey: homophobic bi with a Lia preference.

Lia: honestly I just see her as straight lol

Elliot: has barely any personality, screen time, nor voice lines, but he's definitely orchidsexual. because puns.

(orchidsexual: is a microlabel on the asexual spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter. It can be used on its own or as an umbrella term. Someone who identifies as orchidsexual may consider others to be sexually attractive, but they would lack the desire to have or dislike having sexual experiences. Orchidsexual can be described as “the opposite of cupiosexual .” It is under the greysexual umbrella.)

Daisy: pan, demi-girl

Sadie: oriented aro/ace

Max: he's gay and he's jake's ex or sth idgaf abt ur opinion-

Billy bob Jones: the goth guy. he's probably gay too

#the music freaks #tmf #i am very sorry to everyone

29 notes · View notes

theninjamouse · 2 months

Note

Hey! Not sure if you can answer this without spoilers, no worries if you can't. I started reading OoF recently, and I'm loving it so far! But you've mentioned gaster a lot, and I know you like the Grillby/Shore/Gaster trio. I personally am not as huge a fan of Gaster, so I was just wondering, is that trio where OoF is ultimately headed? If possible a heads up would be nice, cause like I said Gaster is not rly my fav character. (That being said its YOUR story of course!! If that is the case I wouldn't want you to change it or anything, I just want to know if I should be mentally preparing for it lol)

So I can't really answer without spoilers but I do want to answer your question so I've put it beneath the cut! This will have sequence of events kind of spoilers

So, in short, trio is where the fic is heading KIND OF. Story wise, Gaster isn't going to have massive massive role. OoF is in it's final arc now and I don't want to drag on a big rescue mission as an after thought to the story. Being frank, the original plan was to NOT have an ending where he is rescued. A line I was going to give him runs along like this:

"For every timeline in which I escape this place, there are just as many in which I do not. This, I am afraid, is one of the latter."

I wound up changing my mind on this, so yes he is going to be rescued so he'll be there in the end but it's more going to focus on the readjustment to the real world while Shore and Grillby deal with their own Trauma from ~End Game Things~. Might have done things differently if the trio had been endgame from the start but oh well, it is what it is.

It has been 10 years since the fall, so while yes Grillby still loves Gaster, it won't ever be quite the same. And he's not going to just leap back into what they had before because that's not fair to anyone, but especially Shore.

Gaster has changed as well, so it won't be the same for him either. It hasn't been talked about too much in the actual story but my version of Gaster is more on the demi-ace/aro side of things so he's not super big on romantic stuff anyway.

In terms of the overall vibe of the trio, I see it being more like this:

Like, they're all together but Grillby is the center piece and Shore and Gaster are the chaos gremlins that would turn the poor elemental's hair gray if he had any. Shore and Gaster have more of the queer platonic sort of vibe that may or may not end up more romantic down the road but that won't be really explored in OoF.

If I wind up doing a sequel to OoF, which is in my plans, that story would be the one to dive deeper into Shore and Gaster's relationship and where they end up in terms of what their standing is with each other. So honestly if Gaster isn't your thing, you could technically reach a point in the story where the main story will be done and just kind of skim or outright skip the last few chapters that will actually deal with the Gaster rescue and the consequences thereafter. If you do read it, romance is not going to be the big focus between the three of them

#OoF extra #OoF spoilers #believe me the trio was not even a thought in my head at the start #then people starting joking and I started joking #then it wasn't a joke #but i get where you're coming from

8 notes · View notes

themotherofhorses · 1 year

Note

Hi ! I have so many questions about your Aemond (I like him a lot).

We know he's a scholar, and probably a nerd, do you think he was a secret romantic when he was younger ? As in, reading love stories, dreaming of being a knight in shining armor for his love ? Maybe because he had some naive vision of love, but also maybe because he desperately needed to believe that someone out there would love him for who he is ? That, by being "just" Aemond, he would be worthy of love ?

Is Handmaid his first love ? Or did he fall in love before ? And, if yes, with who ?

Did his parents marriage influence his visions of relationship ? Like, because he saw how sad his mother was, or how his father didn't care for her, maybe he resented the idea of love or/and marriage and swear to himself he would never fall for any of the romance thing ? (I know it's quite the opposite from 1, but I think one can dream of love while being heartbroken knowing/thinking it's just an illusion)

Is your Aemond on the Ace spectrum (demisexual perhaps) ? Was handmaid the first(or one of the rare women) who made him crave physical intimacy because he felt emotionally connected/safe with her ?

What are the names of the children ?

I think that is all. Thank you so much for your writing, I can't wait to read the rest of the story ^^

Have a nice day !

Hello my love <333 I love my Aemond a lot too, he's just an absolute joy to write and talk about.

Perhaps Aemond turned to sappy and lovesick fairytales to cope with his environment and the constant teasing/bullying he endured. Obviously, the loss of his eye changes that, as he feels too scarred and ugly for any highborn lady's love and affection. But I think a piece deep down inside him still yearns for pure and true love. A boyish innocence that hangs on like a lil parasite.

Handmaid is his first love, yes! His first and only love because Aemond is a loyal and devoted mf.

I feel that both his parents' and siblings’ marriages heavily influenced his own perspective on relationships and love and his own future wedding, but not in the sense that he dreads falling in love. Aemond is no fool; he knows little to no love is shared between his parents. It is completely obvious. But in the SFW headcanons I posted last week, I also discussed how memories of Helaena’s first pregnancy are an encouragement to be a good and involved father to his and handmaid’s children. Aemond uses his father and Aegon as a “what not to do” to his handmaid.

As a demisexual myself, I wholeheartedly believe that Aemond is demi too. Like absolutely NO doubt about it. I imagine his exposure to sexual abuse on his thirteenth birthday is the key reason he no longer feels any sexual attraction (or craves intimacy) unless there is a strong bond filled with love, comfort, and security. And handmaid gives him AALLLLL that. She eventually becomes his anchor, happiness, and safe space- his best friend and confidant. They’re not just lovers. Her soft touches and kind words touch him like nothing ever has before. Sappy, sure, but Aemond deserves it.

(I picture him during the first few months of her as his handmaid, he just stares at her. Absolutely taken, falling head over heels in love. When she fixes his beloved eyepatch, it’s a sign to Aemond that, “Yup, she’s the one.”)

What are the children’s names? Honestly, I don’t know! I haven’t gotten around to naming them, although a sweet anon sent me possible baby names (Helaenys, Alyce, and Alyssa, which I totally love), but I’m always open to more suggestions from y’all! I mentioned that Aemond wishes to name his daughter after handmaid’s mother, Alys, so their baby girl’s name might be either Alyssa or Alysanne.

I'm so so so so happy you're enjoying the series! I totally fell in love with this pairing so I'm excited to write more parts this week. If y'all have any further ideas, questions, or suggestions for drabbles/one-shots about the two, send them! I enjoy receiving different things regarding our handmaid ☺️

#vic’s asks and replies #handmaid!reader

33 notes · View notes

citadelofmythoughts · 2 months

Note

I’ve always headcanon-ed Ruby as Demi romantic and Asexual. I definitely feel like she could form a romantic attachment to someone she clicks with, like Penny or even Oscar, but I honestly don’t think she’s ever been sexually attracted to anyone.

What’re your headcanons for RWBY? Plus anyone else you might be interested in sharing?

Likewise I feel like Yang is full Demi and Blake is her both!

I really HC Ruby as aro and ace (don't come at me shippers, she's MARRIED in my main RWBY fic, and besides neither of those preclude her having some kind of relationship)

I headcanon Yang as full demi too, it really fits with how her relationship with Blake has developed. She's trans too.

Weiss is just full-on straight but supportive of her friends.

Blake of course is her lovely canon bisexual self.

9 notes · View notes

hazbinficsandstuff-eyeshadow · 1 month

Text

I've know I'm Ace for a while or at least somewhere on the spec. I figured out I'm a lesbian a Long time ago. And now I'm starting to think I might be somewhere on the gray scale too. So I've questioned it very briefly many times but never went into going to serious about besidesjust in my head. But recently i wanted to show my support for aroace people and give some more rep through fanfics. I wanted to do a QPR though and I went and did a little bit more and I'm now thinking more than usual I might be somewhere on the spectrum. I swear how many spectrums can I be on do I gotta collect them all.

What are you?

The spectrum....of COLORS.

Anyway got distracted. I know I've definitely felt romantic attraction before but it's been a really long time and I feel like I'd really just be fine with a QPR. I mean absolutely obsessing over someone and wanting them to love you and say it all the time and be exclusive and call them weird names and be romantic with them I've experienced but it sounds so weird and pointless. Like I could totally do with just having a QPR. Uvr also not experienced romantic attraction many times but whenever I did it was very intense and honestly probably bad for my overall health especially mental. I think I might be gray or demi or both but idk.

#aroace #aromantic #aromantism #help #figuring things out

3 notes · View notes

marshmallowprotection · 11 months

Note

Kait! Even though happy mightn't be exactly the right phrasing, I'm so happy that you also HC Saeran as being ace! (or demi)

I've always thought that way too, and it's just so refreshing to see somebody who thinks the same way.

And by that I just mean

...'it' doesn't need to be a necessity in a relationship for it to be happy.

Character pairings and ships these days almost always are focused around it.

It just kind of upsets me in a strange way.

But now for me to have played Mystic Messenger and for the first time actually felt a connection to a character

Honestly I kind of dreaded looking up any sort of fan works for what I might find

But I legitimately ;; I almost began to cry when I read your analyses of Saeran.

Because I've never believed sex to be this super ultra compulsory thing for a relationship to be 'whole'

It just makes me so happy that you also believe that Saeran might be the same. Honestly, like, so happy. Relieved, almost.

I would be content forever just to be with Saeran. Just in his company, just doing stuff together. Enjoying life. And cuddles.

Everyone is entitled to their view of a character. As long as they're not hurting others or themselves, it's perfectly alright. I feel a lot of ways about Saeran Choi that can't be contained to a single post since I'm a person who could talk for hours and hours about him without getting bored, overwhelmed, or running out of content to navigate. If nothing else, I am consistent.

When I think about Saeran, I don't see someone who is necessarily invested in the idea of sexual intimacy. I don't think he's opposed to that with someone he loves, but it's not the first thought on his mind when he thinks about intimacy. He wants to enjoy your company for as long as you'll allow, and no matter what that means, he'll be happy and content with it until the day he dies.

You don't need to have sex to have a complete relationship, nor do you need to want it in the first place. Every relationship for someone looks different, while some people value and desire sex, others may not want it, may feel indifferent to it, or are willing to explore it but it won't be the end all be all of their bond. Everyone is valid in what they decide with their partner, and that is their business to keep.

I'm panromantic and demisexual, actually! So, I saw a lot of myself in Saeran from the get-go. I think what he values more than anything is the ability to be with you. He wants to stand by your side and watch a city of clouds float by. That's his happy place. Does he desire more in this relationship? He has you and he couldn't imagine anything else in this world!

But, if he wants something more, or if you want something more in this dynamic as far as sexual intimacy goes, those are things that you need to talk about and be comfortable with before you explore them. Communication is what matters at the end of the day. Talking about everything works. So, respect what you and your partner want together, and find out what works for every person involved.

Sex, no sex, do whatever you want! Respect what other people want out of love. This blog will always be a safe place for aces, aros, demis, etc. Whether you're sex-repulsed or not, you always deserve respect and care.

#ask #anon #mod kait #I also view Jumin as asexual Jihyun and Rika as demisexual

10 notes · View notes