#I named myself after his song “life on Mars

[francisversion2]

Marry Christmas everyone

I am a born Orthodox Christian but spending Christmas with a group of catholics so I am being festive today.

Growing up I was always told "please don't ruin Christmas for us"

I grew up with neglecting parents, so I almost never got a gift and I barely celebrated it, since my parents would make the day just for themselves and when ever I would say something or get upset I would be told the same thing "don't ruin Christmas for us"

This year after my best friend learned I didn't celebrate Christmas made sure he made me a Christmas movie worth of Christmas. It was magical I never experienced such holiday joy for past few days and he really did his best and I appreciate it.

So about the gifts... Well I got spoiled but I spoiled back.

Wilbur got me every single book Albert Camus wrote , Frank Sinatra vinyl and my probably fav a hand written letter.

I got him Remus Lupin and Sirius Black funko pops (he adores them) and vinyl with our favourite songs on it.

Mark he got me some David Bowie related stuff (t-shirts, posters, CDs) he wrote on top of it "delivery from the mars"

I got him his favourite book translated in 5 different languages since nothing makes a language major and polyglot happier then reading same book and experiencing it in different languages and i got him a water bottle since that little ass keeps stealing mine water bottle.

Matevz the Christmas man and man who made myself experience the Christmas spirit. He blew my mind with the gift... He got me kitten (he actually got two but gave one to Mark too) he said he saw the Two in the shelter and seeing their names among many , Henry and Camilla. I got Henry and he is adorable black and white cat that has been very calm, while Camilla is a beautiful white cat that is very energetic and keeps climbing on stuff.

I got him couple of t-shirts which the the most random chaotic text saying dumb stuff (he loves them) and as a inner joke of ours I got him a flag of Yugoslavia since he is Slovenia and I am Serbian and we have this joke about the history of Yugoslavia.

But the most funniest part was my adoptive dad coming to join us and he too got me a cat I called Garfield (he is orange I had to name him that)

So hey now I have to cats.

I couldn't be more grateful for what I got... I never got as much as today in my life... I am so emotional this whole day... I can't express how grateful I am.

Finally feeling love

#albert camus #frank sinatra #christmas #dark academia #cats #gifts #henry winter #camilla macaulay #greatful

[braceletofteeth]

tag someone you want to know and/or some of your besties.

I was tagged by @fourth-quartet 😊 Thank you!!

favourite colour: Gray but I'm currently in a brown phase

last song: I've got recently reacquainted with Beginner by AKB48 😄

last series: The Kidnapping Day. It was a lot more wholesome than the name suggests.

last movie: Saw X (surprisingly also a lot more wholesome than you'd expect????)

sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet :3

currently watching:

Koisenu Futari

Chains of Heart

The Golden Girls (season 1)

Love in the Air (2nd rewatch)

other stuff I watched this year: Not listing all of it here (I've never watched so much stuff as I did in 2023), but I'll mention the ones that I enjoyed watching the most from each month so far (*not including rewatches):

JAN: Wednesday

FEB: GAP

MAR: Not Me

APR: Tick, Tick... Boom!

MAY: Utsukushii Kare

JUN: Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938

JUL: Takin' Over The Asylum

AUG: Marry My Dead Body

SEP: Utsukushii Kare: Eternal

OCT: The Sandman

shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I barely remember the ones I watched till the very end 🤡 But ok, let me see...

Eve (dropped after one episode; Rich People and their Rich People Problems™, I think was the reason)

A few straight GMMTV shows that I didn't really catch the name (I. Well. I just. I just couldn't make myself give a fuck, ok 😔)

+ Currently deliberating whether or not I should drop Chains of Heart. All the subtitles I've found are lacking in terms of coherence, and the story itself is already not the most straightforward, so I can only hope I'm understanding what's going on at all? 😀 And I'm also not feeling the main couple from either the present nor the past (? I suspect they are the same (but I may never know))... HOWEVER, I like the acting of the main, and the Thai scenario that is not Bangkok for once. That's always refreshing. And sometimes the cinematography is pretty too... Decisions, decisions...

currently listening to: Back for More by TXT & Anitta (I went after the link for it and distractedly searched for "banger" instead of the title 😆)

currently reading: Codename Villanelle (it's a small book but I'm. ..struggle)

current obsession: I'm not obsessing over anything at the moment 😟☹😫 Have been too busy with mundane adult life problems (therefore, as you can imagine, I'm just about going up the walls here :))

tagging: @eatprayworm @thisautistic @hyp-no-tic @visualtaehyun hi 👋

#tag game #it's one of those weeks when I feel like my old acquaintances might be sick of me already #SO I tagged some people I think might be really cool but haven't directly approached yet #you know. for maximum anxiety #I've lost many songs over the years (it's never safe to have only one copy of them; thankfully I can afford more now) #the first time I found Beginner (as a pre-teen) I just downloaded it randomly listened to it and liked it so much I decided to keep it?? #oh to be young and not care about stuff like viruses or managing your time #at some point while writing this post I finished watching Ko¡senu Fut@ri #10/10 no notes #(lies. there are notes. dozens and dozens of reblogs just waiting for me to spread them all over your dashboards in the near future) #tick tick boom was quite nice... for a musical #(not a fan of musicals so to have one on my list is. wild) #already four months since the Lee brothers left me 😪 #and I haven't heard a word about LDW's new drama in MONTHS. actively gnawing the bars of my cage rn #OH OH WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT #SPECIAL MENTION TO <SUMMER STRIKE> IN MAY #if my other option wasn't Utsukush¡i fricking K@re I wouldn't even hesitate. but. it was #and everyone knows I'm not normal about this one 😀🙂 #if anyone wants to advocate in favor of Ch@ins of Heart. please. I'm all ears. is it worth it? #uhh. I'm not gonna disclose much but it's true I'm under a lot of stress lately. there is a lot going on right now. #I might not be able to watch new shows/be around tumblr while I (try to) sort my shit out #just a quick heads up 👍

[lovetransaction]

... variations on the radio

They've been in the Impala for ninety-six hours straight now. Sam's been keeping time even after their watches stopped, after the dash clock stopped; he's been adding up the duration of each song that the tape deck plays. He's on the money every single time even when the tape is something they don't know, have never listened to before; never listened to consciously, anyhow. They realize this after Dean, in the middle of a song by somebody named Loreena McKennett, says, "Wasn't this playing for that whole eleven minutes we had to hide under the counter in that new age mumbo jumbo rose quartz shop?" and Sam, thunderstruck, nods in agreement and waits for the tape to self-eject so he can check the running time.

Ninety-six hours counted in REM and Carolina Chocolate Drops and Maria Callas and Erykah Badu and once they've hit on the formula they make the connections, and it's a sort of madness, Sam thinks, to be stuck in the Impala while they recall these incidents that happened out there in the world instead of under their canopy of steel and curtains of glass, their mattress of wheels. "I don't know how much more I can take of this," Dean says in the middle of Tegan & Sara, and Sam says, "I think there's an out. I think when we hear something of our own, from inside the car, we'll be able to stop. Like it'll make a circle so we'll close whatever aural--"

"Heh heh--"

"--whatever aural as in audio loop enchantment this is." Sam listens to the next song start up, says, "this is Garbage," and before Dean can contribute what he's surely about to, clarifies, "the band."

Dean makes a disappointed sound but quiets down and they let it play while he drives past a field with some sheep, then a roadside honey stand, then a bus stop that has two old patio chairs sitting at it. "Was I there for this?" Sam asks, and Dean says, "you're never there for the garbage."

Sam's forehead gathers, smooths, gathers more thickly. "Oh-kay," he says, with a slight confused laugh that's not a laugh. "What ... what??"

"Nothing," Dean says, and his face is drawn into a tight scowl, not directed at Sam. The words of the song float into the stale, close air. Hang around in bars all night wishing I had never been born, okay. That's a sentiment they've both shared, at various times, and Sam knows, hopes, does his best to make it a fleeting one--

and give myself to anyone who wants to take me home

But that's not true, is it? Not quite. Dean gave himself, sure. He also came back with money, so many of those times, folded down in worn rolls and sometimes damp and sometimes smelling of beer and sometimes smelling of Dad and sometimes smelling of old old leather old old cum old old profession, right? The oldest. Sam's not there for that garbage, Dean's right. Seu Jorge comes on and Sam catches the tape that ejects, notes the time, throws it into the backseat to clatter among all the others. Neither of them knows Portugese and the words would be a mystery except they recognize the tune, Life on Mars, they've lived it ten times or more. Ten times more after that.

Dean's done it for a good cause, Sam knows. To keep them fed and Baby running and beds for the night. They both do things for a good cause. Sam rolls the taste of blood around in his mouth, feeling the familiar burning in his belly as the car jolts through a pothole and then he's adding his own blood to it, biting through his tongue, the familiar ever-charred retch of it--

Get in the Ring. Guns 'n' Roses is one of their tapes so Dean crows in triumph and skids the Impala over to the side of the road, throwing it in park, and the two of them dive out the doors as Slash's guitar kicks in, and Sam on his side -- the grass, Dean's the one who hits the asphalt with a muttered curse -- covers his head as the backdoor opens and cassette tapes pour out onto him. They're clattering out the other side too and Dean's giving a hoot, getting up to his feet and stomping, crunching them with his boots.

Sam stands up slower and looks over the roof as Axl's hit his mid-song rant and Sam recites along with him, "--what, you pissed off 'cause your dad gets more pussy than you?" and Dean without missing a beat shoots back the next line, "Fuck you, suck my fuckin' dick!" and Sam laughs soundlessly. Shuts the back door and gets into their rolling canopy bed, where he belongs; burning down the highway skyline as Sam watches the road, and he knows the day is coming when they'll get theirs.

Until then the wail of the guitar gets louder with Dean's fingers on the knob and Sam parts the curtain, winds down the window, month to month and week to week.

–

going to lebanon : flash creations

#going to lebanon #004 horseradish road #sam winchester #dean winchester #vetala in samarkan

[owlmoonboi]

Dear future self,

I am writing you this letter hoping that you live to see the day when you not only read this letter but write a response.

Let me tell you a few things about ourselves. We are an eighteen who’ll be turning nineteen in June. I am suffering with depression and an eating disorder but hopefully by the time you read this I am better.

We are waiting to attend an acting course we’ll start in June but first we have to attend classes for a course in April. It’s exciting the idea of acting. We are also interested in modeling. Kind of funny the idea of someone with an ED wanting to model but it happens all the time. We have always loved attention and being dramatic. If you have to live life at least make it interesting. Hopefully one day someone will be happily watching me on the big screen. I think it’s possible. I like to believe in myself, my goals and dreams. Dreams or goals which some people like to call them are a good thing to have. They are the steps you climb to get to the top. Dreams are like clouds they may shift but that doesn’t stop you from seeing a clear picture.

Our favourite song at the moment is out of a few songs. We love Mars by YungBlud, Beautiful Things by Benson Boone, End of Beginning by Djo and Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. Iris is such a banger.

At the moment our hair is dyed alight brown/dark blonde or a sandy blonde. The colour is kinda nice. It’s cut short but we like short hair. I used to prefer a long floppy front but that is just no longer it. I wonder what colour it will be by the time you read this. I’m thinking next time I dye my hair I might dye it red since it is Autumn but I haven’t made up my mind. It’s not only making up my mind but also I tend to be lazy when it comes to dying our hair. I mean I always get my older to dye it which isn’t the point but we have been known for having terrible roots. It’s not completely our fault. Usually about two weeks after being dyed the roots are already noticeable but that’s how it is when you have dark brown hair. Dark hair does have advantages such as if we ever want laser we can get it. Not that we mind body hair. I mean it’s just hair on your body. I know it literally says that in the name but still that is all it is.

I hope by the time this is read I am happy and living a good life. I want to save some more money since I want you to travel. I think it would be nice to go overseas. Of course home is nice but I don’t want to stay in Australia forever. I want to see the rest of the world. America specifically Hollywood is where all the movie magic happens do I’ll have to end up moving there. I also hope that by the time you read this I am doing the acting course. I hope to be going well with it. We like the idea of getting an internship so remember that. We have to build a good resume. At the moment it is not very good. I as do want you to start doing some volunteer work since I think it’s important to give to the community. It also helps to build that resume like I was just saying.

Most of all I just hope you get the chance to read this. Remember no matter what our family is always there for support no matter his much you may argue with our father. I think children are made to argue with their parents or at least fathers no but he is honestly a good man.

I write this with lots of love. It is very important to love ourself and always be kind to ourselves.

Sincerely

You know who you are

#my writing #words #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #poetry #poem #letters #my write #creative writing #writers and poets #writerscommunity #writblr #your on your own kid #my post #writting #writer things #letter #letter to self #dear future me #personal #disordered eating mention #depression #finding happiness #goals

[shywhispersunknown]

Alive

"By your spirit I will rise, from the ashes of defeat. The resurrected King is resurrecting me. In your name I come alive, to declare your victory. The resurrected King is resurrecting me."

Whenever I hear this song, I'm moved to tears. The above lyrics are so relevant to my present day life. As I reflect on the goodness of God and how he's brought me out of some tough situations, my heart aches as I flashback to my life before. 2016 to 2020 was probably some of my hardest years . Mentally I was on the brink of losing it and emotionally I was a complete wreck. My life had slowly morphed into a nightmare and nobody knew. On the surface I was thriving, my person and I had just bought a brand new home and life seemed good. But in reality, we had just had our 1st physical fight and I moved into our house alone. As I sat on my bedroom floor in disbelief ...I thought to myself, how did I get here? If I'm being honest, we should've never bought that house...let alone be together. We had a turbulent relationship, marred with cheating, arguments that never reached a resolution and a host of other harmful things. We were two wounded souls who should've let each other go a long time ago. But in all my girlie feels, I wanted the fantasy. I was willing to let the past be past, leaving all of our drama back at our old spot. But that didn't happen.

The night after we celebrated our closing, I was finishing up boxing our items when I knocked over a book. Inside that book were an assortment of special occasion cards over the years. His "girlfriend" was professing her love for him on these special days. She'd even written him a note, saying that hopefully he'd be able to resolve his issue,(that would be me) soon. She said she loved him and would be waiting. I was so jarred by this I was literally sick to my stomach. I knew about this woman. We'd fought about her before. She was a college friend he said, but refused to give me more than that. Id seen exchanges between the two that most would deem unforgivable...but something about reading those words, and seeing how we'd gotten this far with each other and she was still in the picture, crushed me. I could never fully share what was happening in my relationship, it was far too embarrassing. People would say, "hey! you got the house now, where's the ring? when are you guys making this official?" Id just smile and deflect to him. I was miserable. I knew this was a huge mistake. In my heart, I knew that there would never be a marriage, a family... hell, even real love. But deep down, I still wanted it. When we were peaceful, Id try to get to the bottom of why we couldn't just start over and move forward. I was often met with excuses, never a real resolution. Over time I morphed into someone I no longer recognized. I became jealous, insecure and a bonafide stalker. Id always thought of myself as strong, but that version of me was long gone. As time went on more soul crushing things were happening ..things that totally made me understand the women on Snapped. After another night of him allegedly working late...Id had enough. I knew where she lived, I even knew where she worked, I knew more about her than I should have. But anyway, I had just cased her entire block looking for his car. 1st lap...nothing.. 2nd lap...bingo! He must've just arrived, or perhaps he was already there and I didn't notice.. I sat in my car contemplating my next move. Do I ring the bell? Steal his car and park it a few blocks away? YUP! I had his spare key and made that an option if I found him there. Do I drive home get his clothes and throw them out front? I eventually did that...but that happens later on in this story...I wound up taking pictures of his car, sending it to the both of them, advising him not to come home. He threatened to call the cops on me if I refused to let him in, but he used his brain that night and didn't come. It was clear the woman was here to stay. A shell of myself, and literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown I finally told a friend what was happening. She recommended an amazing therapist who I believe was sent by God himself.

I went into my 1st session open ,honest and ready for whatever she thought would best help my situation. Dr Pyant was no joke! The truths she dropped on me I was not ready for. By our 3rd session she had already devised a plan of escape for me. "Escape!?" " Yes girl escape. I want you to close your eyes to what you think foreclosure is. You have no children with this man, there's is nothing holding you back. Stop paying that mortgage save your money and leave! God sees what's happening and he will take care of you." That was the advice. Leave. This situation was becoming more about me and less about us. I didn't wanna hear that though. I cant tell you what I was hoping for, but it wasn't that. I continued my sessions, him and I even managed to do one together. But nothing changed. He'd stop dealing with her for a few weeks. She'd cry leaving voicemail after voicemail, (yea, I had his passcode) and Id watch him mope around the house because it was obvious that's where he wanted to be. Dr Pyant was never pushy, but she wanted to make it crystal clear that reconciliation should not be an option. The things that I longed for, marriage, children etc...would never come from him. I knew she was right, but I was scared. Id lost so much of myself...my independence, my fight...I had no idea who I was anymore.

My final straw was when I caught him with her again. It was a year or so later and he had just had a surgery. Id taken off work to look after him...despite the challenges we faced, I still cared. He was healing fairly well and mentioned wanting to step out to get some air. I didn't think nothing of it because he had been stuck in the house for awhile. Now if you're smart, I think you know what I'm gonna say next. That's right, after a few hours had passed my antennas where up and I was on the move. As soon as I hit her block, I saw them. They were sitting in his car eating ice cream. Lovebirds. They saw me as well and were stunned. I drove home, put as much of his crap I could fit in my car, drove back to her house and dumped it everywhere. I didn't care. I was broken and that was it for me.

But God is amazing! He came and saved me right in the nick of time. Id started going back to church more consistently, it legit was all I had. I couldn't contain my sadness and I knew only the Lord could fix it. My beautiful sister in love and in Christ introduced me to her church where I met 3 amazing souls who were ministering me back to life. The Lord had revealed through them that it was time for me to leave. He promised to establish me and keep me, but the time was now. I took that word to heart. When Dr Pyant delivered that message to me, I struggled with it. I wasn't ready, nor did I think it was fair. Why did I have to uproot my life? Id suffered enough. But God was changing me, the sadness was lifting a bit and I wanted MY LIFE more than I wanted the idea of what I thought my life should be. I didn't care about how I looked to people anymore. Yes my life is a mess right now so what? For years I hid my reality because I didn't wanna hear the " I told you so's or you're stupid for staying...couldn't be me" The only thing that mattered was making it out alive. I eventually left and God did everything he promised. Although relieved, it was hard. Everyday was different. More lows than highs. But refinement, exposure , healing etc isn't meant to be pretty. But its definitely for the greater good.

#I #christian living #jesus christ #christianity #christian faith #art #faith in god #god #christ #righteousness #faith in jesus #black art #black literature #black stories #black tumblr #black women #christian blog #christian encouragement #christian bible #bible #motivation #faith #omg #my writing #black writers #black history #black beauty

[capriciousleo]

“Fatui Harbinger Natal Charts” Pt. 2

∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴

Part 1 with Dottore’s chart can be found here!

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵𝑶𝑹𝑨’𝑺 𝑵𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑳 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑻

Sun- Leo

Moon- Aquarius

Mercury- Virgo

Venus- Scorpio

Mars- Leo

Rising- Scorpio

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔  

(Long ass song intro but I saw one tiktok edit for Signora using this audio and it brought me to tears and it fits her Venus)

OKAY. THIS WOMAN. Got me thinking for a GREAT while lmOaoao. First and foremost- huge Leo energy. She shows both positive and negative traits of this sign. She’s confident, yet she has made quite enough steps further and acted straight up arrogantly lmao. Just her manner of speech, acting as if she’s way above others and they are some unworthy mosquitoes😭 “I know, I know you can’t get me out of your head. But you don’t have to always call out my name.” Hfkdks. She has also made a crucial mistake of being blinded by her status and power- she didn’t properly read her own situation and underestimated herself in the entire scene with the Traveler and the Shogun. “You are aware that the loser must die?” She sounded so condescending saying that😭. Her Leo Mars, in addition to her Sun, made her impulsive at times. Also, this woman can take no joke and no criticism at all. Remember how she literally tossed Venti around bc of his jesting replies to her in Mond? Yeah.💀

Scorpio Venus is very distinct. She loved her fiancé with her whole heart and literally began self-destructing herself after his loss. I associate her butterfly form with the Phoenix, which is heavily associated with Scorpio placements. But, in the end... she wouldn’t be able to rise from the ashes. It’s an “all-or-nothing”— another Scorpio energy. When she loved, she loved with passion, she loved with utmost care. In addition, Leo placements , if they pick someone, they also love very deeply. It simply added more to her Scorpio placement. Losing her fiancé completely broke Rosalyne, so she became another version of herself— a spiteful to the world Signora. (As a person with heavy Scorpio placements myself, I totally understand how she felt. So I fully support😍)

Virgo Mercury and Aquarius Moon. Now... these are the placements that hold Signora detached and clear-headed from others. Virgo Mercuries are extremely logical and responsible to get their task done. You can fully entrust them with any mission, and they will certainly provide notable results. For example, Signora getting the Tsaritsa 2 Gnosis all by herself, while others barely lifted a finger (except for Dottore). Makes sense why Tsaritsa entrusted her so much and imo, Signora deserved a higher rank in the Fatui due to her hardworking nature. Virgo Mercuries also criticize people/things quite a lot. Aqua Moons also have some issues with seeing themselves as someone better (in any aspect) than others and are very distant. With people with these two placements it’s near impossible to get to know them and actually build a ground for future relationships of any kind.

Scorpio rising, another Scorpio placement. My girl needs a break, makes sense why her life went so dark. Scorpio risings always face challenges throughout their lives that literally kick their ass into a from one transformation moment into another. Life always attempts to make them grow and change by making them go through awful situations. These people always have some sort of an inner turmoil due to this. They never feel at peace deep inside. In addition, her CLOTHES. Bestie is wearing the most revealing and dramatic outfit that I’ve ever noticed in the game. Also the colors she chooses? Mainly black, red, and there is some white with light pink-red at the end of her skirt. She wants to look sexy. And sex is related to power. She thrives off the feeling of being powerful— it perfectly feeds her Leo Sun and Mars.

P.s. Yet again I wrote this at 2 am help💀 She’s so precious at 1st pic, just look at her🥺

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #childe #dottore #fatui genshin #fatui pantalone #la signora #rosalyne kruzchka lohefalter #genshin rosalyne #genshin signora #genshin impact signora #genshin astrology #fatui astrology #signora astrology #signora x reader #dottore x reader #scaramouche #crimson witch of flames #fatui signora #fatui headcanons #genshin signora headcanons #fatui harbingers #genshin natal charts #fatui natal charts

[runthepockets]

Since I was a kid I always noticed when guys wrote breakup songs, they tended to go for really graphic metaphors. They tend to get really physical with it, whereas, even when women do use these same metaphors, they tend to be a lot more direct and articulate.

Like, 25 to Life by Eminem does it, Grenade by Bruno Mars does it, the entirety of Pig Destroyer's Prowler In The Yard is just a batshit chronicle of a guy spiraling for a week straight after his breakup and turning up to his ex's house missing a couple of fingers and toes, pre-loaded gun ready to commit murder/suicide. It's more common to hear a guy say "she took me for granted, ripped out my heart out and ran it straight through the planet" or "I'd catch a grenade for you, throw my head on a blade for you, take a bullet in the brain for you, but you won't do the same" than it is to hear, like, "you don't appreciate me and I hate you for it." Compare this to, say, Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill, Over by Ashanti, or Out Here All Night by Damone.

It's always seemed pretty melodramatic to me, but knowing what I do now about the way men are taught the language of emotion and how common it is for men to forgo all their platonic relationships in the name of romantic ones, I've become a lot more sympathetic. I've also been more action oriented than word oriented myself-- better at conveying my feelings through writing and text than talking--, so I was a bit of a hypocrite anyway. Sometimes all I really can say is "she kicked me in the nuts with a steel toed boot and laughed when I cried". Lol.

[sebstanaddict]

Always You

Chapter 18 - Talking to The Moon

Summary : A love story chronicling the love and life of Sebastian Stan and Female!Reader. Inspired by Sebastian Stan's recent love life.

In this chapter we'll find out what happens to Sebastian after he was forced to break up with reader

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters: 18 / 22

Chapter List >

Warning : angst, anxiety

Word count : 3.2k

Soho, New York City - December 2021

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back, I want you back

My neighbors think I'm crazy

But they don't understand

You're all I had, you're all I had

At night, when the stars light up my room

I sit by myself

Talking to the moon

Trying to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too

Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

Sebastian sat on the window sill of his apartment, looking outside to the night sky above, where the full moon hung low and stars winked at him from light years away. The song Talking to The Moon by Bruno Mars came out of his speakers. It was so poetic and fit his current situation. He had spent every night for the past week after breaking up with Y/n, pining after her, missing her so much, wondering what she was doing and hoping she was okay.

His bad feelings that fateful Monday came true. The worst had happened. He had to leave her again. And worst of all, he had no choice about it. Somehow Ana still had control over his life even if she was far away half way across the world.

He wished he had another option than to obey Ana's wishes. But he was worried about the safety of his mother. Not knowing how serious Ana was about her threats to him, he decided to take the safest option, even if it meant breaking up with Y/n. However, he didn't want Y/n to think that what he did was out of his own free will. He wanted her to know that it was something beyond his control. So he left a hint for her which was a small piece of paper containing Ana's name. He slipped it into the envelope along with the break up letter that Ana had reviewed countless times before finally agreeing to it. He hoped Y/n would find it and understood why he had to leave her.

As he had promised, once he arrived at his apartment he gave Emma a call. He explained the situation to her and begged her to come up with a solution. Ana needed to be stopped. He couldn't bear thinking about having to spend more time with Ana once she gets back from Spain. And he couldn't bear to be away from Y/n. Breaking up with her was the last thing on his mind. She was his everything. There was no way he could ever leave her.

Emma was completely shocked upon knowing Ana had the guts to threaten to hurt Sebastian's mother. She promised that she, Mick and Josh would try to find a way out of the contract. In the mean time, she advised Sebastian to obey Ana's wishes and stayed away from Y/n for the time being.

Sebastian asked Emma to hire someone to guard his mother. Thankfully within 24 hours Emma was able to hire someone. The guard was hired to keep a look out after his mother discreetly. He was to report to Emma everyday and immediately let her know if anything happens to his mother. Sebastian didn't want her mother to panic, so he didn't tell her about Ana's threat and how he had hired a bodyguard to guard her. He wanted her to keep living her life normally. He hoped she would never have to know of Ana's threat on her well being.

One day after he did the unthinkable, he decided to buy a new phone. He couldn't stand not knowing how Y/n was doing. He was hoping they could still talk to each other using a new phone. He hoped Ana wouldn't find out about it. But boy was he wrong.

Sebastian bought a new phone from Amazon. He got the notification on his cellphone that it had been delivered, but clearly it hadn't. He had not received it. He got up from the sofa he was sitting on and opened his front door. There on his front door he found a man, tall, big and burly. He was wearing all black, and had sunglasses and a black cap on. He looked up at Sebastian as he opened the door and smiled at him. He was holding a package in his hand. Apparently he had received the new cellphone Sebastian had ordered.

"Good afternoon Mr.Stan." the man greeted him.

"Who are you? What are you doing in front of my door?" He asked the man coldly. He had a suspicion the man was a replacement of Seth.

"My name is Dylan. Ms.Ortega ordered me to guard you. Including to intercept everything shipped to your home to make sure you still obey what she had asked you to do." The man said.

"What gets sent to me is none of your business. Give that to me!" He extended his hand, demanding for Dylan to give him the package, but Dylan didn't budge.

"I'm going to have to open it first Mr.Stan. It's for your own good." He said.

Sebastian gritted his teeth, trying to contain his anger. He wondered if he could overpower the man. He did a lot of training in fighting after all in preparation for some of his movies. Dylan was just about to open the package when Sebastian hit him on the nose with his fist. Shocked at the sudden attack from Sebastian he dropped the package, but Sebastian caught it before it fell to the ground. He quickly went back inside his apartment and locked the door behind him, bringing the package safely with him.

He was just setting his new phone when his old phone rang. Ana was on the line. His heart plummeted. Dylan must have reported to her about what just happened. He decided to ignore it and continued setting up his new phone. He wasn't in the mood to hear her voice. Especially when she was most likely angry at him for hitting the man she had hired. He let Ana's call went to voice mail. Moments later he received a message from Ana.

"Seb, how dare you hit Dylan! You're gonna pay for this! And I know you just bought a phone. You're going to regret it."

Sebastian read the message and started to panic. He called his mother, wanting to warn her, but she didn't pick up. He was about to call the bodyguard he had hired to protect his mother when Ana sent him a picture. Heart pounding hard, he opened it. It was a picture of his mother's cardigan, laid down on the seat of a car. It was a unique one as it was knitted by hand by his grandmother. There was no other cardigan like it in the world. His heart seemed to stop looking at it. He prayed his mother was okay. He was just about to call Ana when Ana sent him a message.

"Consider this a warning, Seb. This was taken from inside your mom's house. Thank the lucky stars that she wasn't home. Now you know how easy it is for me to command my guy to hurt her if I want to. So don't you dare do anything stupid! Be a good boy until I come back. Or else."

He let out a string of curses as he read the message. Fuming, he put the phone down and rubbed his face, trying to reduce the anger he was feeling. Ana meant it. She really was able to hurt his mom if she wanted. He didn't dare do anything else to jeopardize his mother's safety. So he turned the new phone he just bought off, put it back in the box and set it aside. He then called the bodyguard he had hired to protect his mother, let him know that Ana's guy succeeded in breaking into her mother's house, and asked him to be more alert in protecting his mother.

Cause every night, I'm talking to the moon

Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too

Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

Oh-oh

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

Bruno Mars continued to belt the song out of his speakers as his mind wandered back to the events of last week. After that last incident where Ana took his mother's cardigan from her house, he didn't dare to try anything else to contact Y/n. He didn't even ask Edward or his other friends to pass a message to her. He was so afraid for his mother's safety. And so that's where he found himself every night, thinking about her, missing her so very much that he sometimes cried.

He sighed deeply as he continued to look out his window. It was 7 pm, the street was still full of people and cars. He saw a couple pushing a baby stroller on the sidewalk, they were talking with each other, laughing and smiling. He saw another couple across the street, waiting to cross the street. They held a toddler between them with their hands and they smiled at each other as the toddler said something to them. He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous looking at them. He wondered when he was going to have a kid. He was almost 40 and yet he was stuck in a PR relationship and he had broken up with the love of his life. If there was anyone who he would like to have children with it was Y/n. He was sure she was going to be an amazing mother, he could feel it. Her caring and loving nature was perfect for raising children. He saw first hand how she was with his niece and nephew back in Constanta. She got along really well with them, and they loved her too. He wondered if they were to really have children what their children would look like. Would they have her beautiful smile and eyes combined with his hair? Or would it be the other way around? He also wondered whether their children would be a boy or a girl. It didn't matter to him whether they had a boy or a girl, as long as they were healthy. But he had always had a soft spot for little girls. If he had a daughter he would spoil her rotten. He would buy her every doll in the toy store. He would take her to ballet classes and music recitals. He imagined that she would look exactly like Y/n, but maybe would have his cleft chin and pointed nose. And maybe her hair would fall in soft waves on her shoulders, like Y/n. He smiled as he imagined her. His future daughter with Y/n.

Just as he was daydreaming about having a daughter with Y/n, he heard his cellphone rang. It was Anthony. Surprised at his call, he picked it up immediately.

"Hello Anthony." He greeted Anthony.

"Seb, you won't believe what I just saw." Anthony said. His voice was low. Sebastian could hear loud music in the background and he couldn't quite make what Anthony said.

"Anthony, I can't hear you. Where are you?" He asked.

"Hold on." Anthony said.

He could hear the background music gradually became more distant as Anthony moved away from wherever he was.

"Seb, can you hear me?" Anthony asked.

"Yeah, man. What's up? Where are you?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"I'm at this night club in Riyadh. You know I was invited for the Red Sea Film Festival and the Sound Storm Music Festival?" Anthony responded.

"Oh yeah.. did you happen to meet Ana?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah, man. That's what I was going to tell you about. I.. uh.. I just saw her go into this private room in this club with this Arab man. Like, just her and this man. I thought I should let you know seeing how you're supposed to be dating her." Anthony said.

Sebastian stood up straighter as he heard what Anthony said.

"Anthony..did you get a picture of them? This is very important." Sebastian said, his heart pounding. He hoped this could help him one way or another.

"No, sorry. It happened so quickly. But you gotta trust me on this. I mean..why would I lie to you." Anthony said.

"I know. I believe you Anthony. But it's not about that. It's a long story and I'll tell you one day. But right now I need you to help me out." Sebastian said.

"Oh okay. What do you want me to do?" Anthony asked.

"Can you get a video or picture of them? It's very very important for me. It can literally safe my life if you can." He replied.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do." Anthony said.

"Thanks, man. By the way, if you do get them, send them to my burner email address." Sebastian said.

"Oh, right. Why?" Anthony asked in confusion.

"Ana installed a spying app on my phone. I don't want her to know if you sent me the pictures or videos... On second thought, if you need to contact me again, I have another number. I'll send you my new number." Sebastian said, remembering that he had a new phone he hadn't used that he could use to contact Anthony.

"Okay. She sounds really bad. She installed a spying app on your phone?! That's sick, man!" Anthony said in disbelief.

"I know! Anyway, I'll send you my new number shortly." Sebastian said.

"Okay. I'm just gonna go back inside the club now." Anthony said.

"Thanks Anthony." Sebastian said.

"No problem, Seb." Anthony said then they both hung up.

Sebastian quickly went into his bedroom and grabbed the box containing his new phone. He opened the box, picked up the phone and turned it on. Moments later he sent a text message to Anthony's number, letting him know of his new number.

For the next couple of hours he sat on the sofa in his living room, staring at the new phone which he put on top of the coffee table in front of the sofa. He waited for Anthony to contact him back. Hoping and praying that he got something of Ana that he could use as leverage against her. He tapped his foot impatiently, picking up the phone and returning it back to the table repeatedly, feeling so anxious. Just when he decided to go to the kitchen to get something to drink to calm his nerves, his new phone rang. Anthony was on the line.

"Anthony, did you get it?" He picked it up.

"Hey Seb, yeah I got some footage. I'm about to send them to you." Anthony said.

"Oh wow.. okay.. thank you so much, man. I owe you a lot." Sebastian said and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"No problem, man. She's such a slut I can't believe it. Promise me you gotta break it up with her after this. She brings you a bad name." Anthony said.

"Yeah well, that's what I was hoping to do once I get the footage from you." Sebastian responded.

"Yeah, she's bad news." Anthony said.

"Tell me about it. Anyway, I'm waiting for the video." Sebastian said.

"Oh yeah, sending them to you shortly." Anthony said.

"Thanks again, Anthony." Sebastian said.

"No problem, Seb. Take care." Anthony said.

"You too, man. Thanks." Sebastian said then they both hung up.

Moments later he received several videos from Anthony. He opened the first video. The video was showing Ana, who was wearing a tight sleeveless and short red dress. Her long blonde hair flowed loosely on her shoulders. She was sitting among some people but she was sitting unusually close next to an Arab man. They were talking with each other, heads close to one another. The man whispered something to Ana's ear and she laughed out loud. Then the man put his hand on her thigh and whispered again to her ear. Ana listened to the man intently and smiled slightly. She nodded then stood up, followed by the man. The man held her hand and guided her away from everyone. The video then stopped.

Sebastian then opened the second video. It was showing a footage of Ana, being guided to enter a private room by the same Arab man in the previous video. They both entered the room and closed the door behind them. The video then went to black.

He then opened the third video. It showed Ana getting out of the private room. She was seen fixing the hem of her dress and then combed her somewhat messy hair with her fingers. She looked slightly disgusted. She then walked away from the room. Not long after, the Arab man who went into the private room with Ana got out of the room. He looked satisfied and had a somewhat smug smile plastered on his face. The video then ended.

Sebastian closed his mouth with his hand in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he just saw. He was both, ecstatic and disgusted. He couldn't believe he finally found something to use against Ana. He then remembered Anthony mentioning that he saw Ana and an Arab man entering a private room. But that was before Anthony called him. He didn't have a footage of it. Which meant, she could be having an affair with more than one man. No wonder Anthony called her a slut. He decided to call Anthony back to clarify.

"Hello." Anthony answered on the third ring.

"Anthony, hey. I just saw the footage you sent me..and wow.. I can't believe she actually would do that." Sebastian said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Seb." Anthony said, not knowing full well what the nature of the relationship between Sebastian and Ana was.

"No no..I'm really happy she got caught cheating behind my back. She and I aren't a real couple anyway. We're in a PR relationship." Sebastian explained.

"Wow, really? How come you never told me this?" Anthony asked.

"I'm sorry Anthony, it's supposed to be a secret." Sebastian apologized.

"Oh yeah, okay, that's fine." Anthony said.

"By the way, you mentioned seeing Ana entering a private room before you called me. Was that with the same man in the footage you sent me? Or was she with a different man altogether?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"Different man, Seb. She was with two different men. The first one I didn't get the video of. The second one I sent to you." Anthony said.

"Oh okay. Thanks for clarifying." Sebastian said.

"No problem, man. Sorry I gotta go." Anthony said.

"Okay, thanks again Anthony." Sebastian said.

"Yeah, later man." Anthony said then they hung up.

Sebastian leaned back on the sofa. A large grin on his face. He couldn't believe his luck. He finally had a way out of his contract with Ana! He could finally be with Y/n properly! He decided to call Emma to tell her the good news and perhaps asked her to set up a meeting with Josh and Mick too. They needed to meet up to discuss what to do with Ana's incriminating footage.

Chapter 19 >

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you

[tanoraqui]

I apologize if I’ve only recently sent an ask but I just wanted to say I am so enjoying your Fixes the Noldor au. It’s utterly delightful

(I have dyslexia and got doubtful of my ability to spell the full title at the last moment, I’m very sorry)

-@outofangband

Thank you! I’ve never written anything this OC-centric this long before (and lbr, even the most established Silm characters are like 50% original in fic), so every compliment is very blush-inducing. You like my original blorbos! My ORIGINAL blorbos! Mine! Wow! (Does that mean you’d like even more original blorbos in more original circumstances?!…)

Though man, I am SUFFERING the tragedy that the only way get more Original Blorbo content is…to write it myself… I like Celechwes so much; she’s so selfish but in a Discworld witch way, wherein she WOULD face Morgoth with a frying pan and tell him to get the fuck off HER lawn, if she had any reason to believe it would work. She basically thinks of the Noldor as mercenaries with good timing. Of the Ainur, she always refers to Ulmo with the title “Lord”, as well as “Lord Ossë” and “Lady Uinen”, for they have ever been good to her people, and Melian she always speaks of with respect, and all other Valar or Maiar are on a first-name basis bc what does she know or really care of them? The Great Eagles, she respects and considers her friends because they soar magnificently and race her for mutual fun. There’s definitely at least one younger Eagle who thinks of her as a weird little sister.

I think Manwë likes her just for that, because he likes when his people (the Eagles) are happy and in general he likes when people are unusual friends. But I like to think of Manwë being kinda fated to be fond of the House of Fingolfin so I’ve been toying with the thought that, as part of his domain of the sky, and in mirror to Melkor the Constrainer, Manwë is also Vala of…Freedom, essentially. That perhaps the reason he was put in charge is that his part in the Great Song includes, or at least comes closest to, the very concept of Free Will—a good thing for a King of All of be ever-conscious and -caring of! But also a thing that makes ruling no easier, because so many people’s wills (and benefits) are so often in opposition to one another with no evil marring at the root of the divide at all. The world, the Song, is just complex. …But the point is that Manwë likes Celechwes because she is, yes, narratively, the Spirit of Free Beleriand the way Spirit the horse (in the eponymous movie) is the Spirit of the Untamed West. Because the origin of her character was the questions, who would both Fingon and Maedhros fall in love with, and who would fall in love with both of them? Who would bring them together, and why/how, when they never have before? And who is it thematically right to be Gil-galad’s mother? And the answer to all is, the best parts of Exile and life across the Sea: the things with protecting there and the true honor in doing so, the freedom from past feuds and the chance to start anew, also a dash of feralness and unending defiance. So that, as best I can do, is Celechwes.

She and Maedhros each think they’re “the sensible one” in this relationship but of course all three of them are unhinged and it is NOT that Fingon is the only one who knows it, Fingon is just the only one who acknowledges that he himself is not the sensible one. He thinks it’s Maedhros, though he concedes that the bar is low. Maedhros and Fingon both default to Quenya when impassioned and Celechwes thinks it’s sweet, so essentially the three of them speak Sindarin most of the time and Quenya as a sex thing, or while tenderly cuddling afterward.

There’s about 90% of 1 more chapter of raw fluff, and then Everything Goes Wrong 😃🔥🐉 😭. But then there will be three more chapters after that, with a final chapter summary of, “In which there is a Celechwes loose in Aman. That’s never happened before. No one knows what she’s going to do next, least of all Celechwes!”

#celechwes au #outofangband #‘I like your fic’ ‘DO YOU WANT SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS OF EXTRA INFO ABOUT THE MAIN CHARACTER?!’ #my fic

[socalwriterbee]

Better In Time Chapter 4: Stars in The City

Catch up on Chapters 1-3 Collide Memories of Us and Delicate here!

Choices Book: The Nanny Affair

Series Name: Better in Time

Chapter Title: Stars in the City

Pairing: Marie Castro (MC) x Wyatt Kent (OC)

Word Count: 9,280

Rating/Warning: Fluff, Some Adult Situations

Song Inspiration/Mention: Where Do I Sign by Brett Eldredge, Beautiful Crazy by Luke Combs

Series Summary: For two years Marie thought Sam would change, be the man she wanted and the father she knew he could be. But broken promise after broken promise, Marie leaves the city she has come to know and the man she fell in love with. Moving across the country back to her home state of California, needing to put the ghosts of her past behind her and move on with her life. Meeting someone new was out of the question until one day on the beaches of Malibu she meets a handsome stranger she befriends.

Chapter Summary: It's finally here!! Marie and Wyatt's first date! Will everything go smoothly as planned or will disaster strike and end things before they begin.

A/N: Friendly reminder that this series has 3 POV’s Marie’s, Wyatt’s and Sam’s. Chapter 4 will have Marie's and Wyatt's POV, Sam will be quiet (up to no good of course) for the next couple of chapters!

A/N 2: Prompt has been used from Pinterest. Will be in bold.

A/N 3: Apologies in advance My editor (me) is still out or has given up after many rereads.

Some Characters/Settings/Storylines used or mentioned belong to Pixelberry

Enjoy!

✨✨✨✨✨

Marie

The smooth voice of Bruno Mars sings in harmony with the 90’s style R&B beat that played throughout my bedroom, removing the last heated roller from my hair watching the perfect brown curl cascade down just past my shoulder.  

It had been a busy Saturday, I had practically been getting ready the entire day. Not because I take that long, mind you, but Wyatt called and we spent a good time talking on the phone while I gave myself a mani.

I could hear the guys in the background telling him to get off the phone and help them load the car, after what I’m assuming was another morning out in the water. When we weren’t talking we’d be shooting texts back and forth, which has me wondering if we’d have anything left to talk about.

We pretty much covered the basics of what there was in getting to know each other. All that remained was the deep stuff and I had barely touched the surface on my end.

Running my fingers through the curls, breaking the chunking curls into soft waves. Bruno’s voice stops and is replaced with the ring of my phone, indicating an incoming call.

Rolling my eyes as a smile spreads across my face, which has been happening often in recent times, Wyatt was never gonna let me finish getting ready. 

But the name that flashed across makes me squeal, jumping up and down with excitement. 

“Jenny!”

“How’s my BFF doing?” She asks, her voice echoing off the walls to my bathroom.

Taking a deep breath to calm the excitement that was coursing through me and exhaling before answering her. “Better, just getting ready.”

“Getting ready? Please tell me your seeing that blue eyed hunk.”

“Yes, I’m going on a date.” I say, pressing my lips together. If I kept smiling like a fool my cheeks were bound to hurt before the night even got started. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this much excitement slash nervousness.“Our first date.”

“Marie! How am I only hearing about this now? We spoke not that long ago!” Jenny began to ramble. “I knew he’d forgive you for being a total bitch about —.”

Taken a back at the comment my friend made. “Hey!” 

“What? I’m only repeating what you said. What was his name again?”

“Wyatt—.” The smile that I tried to fight back won and I grin like a fool as his name leaves my lips. 

“God…even his name makes one ache you know where.” Jenny interrupts.

I feel a warmth come to my cheeks. “Jenny! Is that all you think about?”

Her teasing laugh comes through the phone. “Looking at you sounding all prudish all of a sudden.” 

Rolling my eyes once more at her comment. It was a good thing we weren’t FaceTiming because I could at least hide the rosiness that settled on my face with Jenny’s words. 

I wasn’t blind, Wyatt was good looking, no good looking wasn’t doing him justice, those blue eyes made me go weak in the knees, literally, with just one look. 

His touch would send shivers to every inch of my body, I could imagine what those lips of his would feel like against mine and on me. And yes, the ache had been real but whatever what going to happen between Wyatt and me, this time around in a relationship I wanted to take our time and let things come naturally and not rushed. I’m even getting ahead of myself with the whole it’s gonna be relationship thing.

But it was more than the physical attraction there was something there that I couldn’t put my finger on just yet. Something more, I dared throw out in the universe to find out before we started anything more between us.

“Marie. You still there?”

Jenny’s voice brings me back to our conversation, having to hide the fact that I didn’t hear anything after she called me prudish.  “Sorry. I..uh I need to finish getting ready.”

“Oh no you don’t.” The phone begins to chime to change into a FaceTime call. 

Hitting accept my beautiful friend, who now has her brown hair colored blonde with the ends light pink comes on the screen.

“Your hair!” “You look stunning!” The two of us call out to each other at the same time.

“I just finished with my hair.” Needing to change from the tank top and shorts I had on and just a few touches of makeup was still needed. “I’m not done.” I tell her.

“Just open the door like that, you don’t need to worry about what you are wearing or where you are going for that matter. A night in could be what the doctor ordered to get he who shall not be named out of your system.”

“He’s not Voldemort, you can say his name.” Shaking my head at my friend, again was that she ever thought about? “Since I have you Jen, tell me what you think of my outfit.” I tell her changing the subject. 

“Where is he taking you?”

Biting my bottom lip and shrug at her. I honestly didn’t know what Wyatt and I had planned to do tonight. “I don’t know. He didn’t say, he did say to be comfortable. Can I show you what I picked out.” 

“You can. But you know me M, I’m gonna tell you to take me into that closet of yours to pick something else out.” 

Waving her comment off. “You lost just a smidge of credibility after that Wal-Mart outfit you picked out when I was going to Italy.” Calling out as I step out of my bathroom and grab the simple soft gray t-shirt and black jeans.

Lifting up the shirt and placing it over my chest. “You will never let me live that down will you. One mistake and that’s all you remember!” Jenny chuckles out. “Cute, it’s still sexy and it does tell him that you are up for anything.” 

“Not bad right? Now shoes, Jen. I’m debating on wedges or going with the classic black and white chucks.”

“If I say wedges you’ll go with the chucks so I’ll say chucks.”

I watch as she walks through her apartment, our apartment once, months ago. Seeing reminders of the life I lived there, has me missing my friend, a life from the city that gives so much optimism to all those that went there including my younger self…

“Hey now, no tearing up. Marie I know that look and I miss you too and in a few months we’ll see each other and it would be like old times.” Jenny reassured. “Our four day weekend it set!”

But it wouldn’t be like old times. 

I wasn’t the same person that left New York all those months ago, well at least I could tell myself that. Only time would tell and I still disliked that saying of time but why was it becoming so much harder to ignore?

In time would I still be worried that there will always be that little reminder tucked in the corner of my mind that the thought of him or worse a piece of my heart that still after everything yearned for him.

Waving those thoughts away, today was not the day to let that come into play. It wasn’t fair to Wyatt and it wasn’t fair to me.

“I can’t wait.” I manage to say without sounding like a Debbie Downer.

Jenny gasps as her face lights up. “You could bring Wyatt.”

“I don’t know if that is a can of worms I want to open. Remember this is our first date.”

“Your first date with the guy that you saw every week for months when you would go to the beach. The guy who pulled you out of the water, the same guy that introduced you to his family and friends. And Marie, the man that has you absolutely giddy when I first called.”

“Your point?”

“My point is that you’ll be together come September and if your not I’m gonna hit you upside the head when I see you.”  

Laughing at the words that come out of my best friend. “Regardless of all that, this night can still go horribly wrong. You know like me not being ready, Wy should be arriving any minute now.”

“Aww look at you calling him Wy.” She teases. “It makes my heart swell with happiness for you Marie.”

“Bye Jen.” I roll my eyes with a smirk.

“I expect a call with all the deets. ALL.THE.DEETS!!” She says before I end our video call.

Standing in front of my full length mirror once fully dressed, I tug at the hem on my tee, playing with the soft gray fabric. “Can’t get more comfortable than this.” I blow a strand of hair away from my face.

My heart pounding against my chest at the sound of the doorbell ringing through my apartment. The nervousness that I tried to tame, turns up a notch and my hands become palmy. My heart racing faster as I walk out of my bedroom, down the hallway and inch closer towards the front door. 

Taking a quick glance around my apartment making sure nothing was out of place, just like the last ten times I checked when I went to look out the window to see if Wyatt had gotten here early before finally getting serious about getting ready.

Swinging the door open, the soft woodsy scent of his cologne invades my senses as he stands on the other side of the door frame. Standing tall, Wyatt has his hands tucked in the pockets of a pair of faded dark blue jeans, a white tee and a matching dark blue jacket. His eyes meet mine after his blue eyes take me in and a smile coming to both of us as we stand there inches from other.

“Hi.” His deep voice greets me. “You look breathtaking.”

If my face was rosy before it is now a bright red with his compliment. “Thank you. You’re looking very handsome yourself. Come in, just need to make sure everything is off and we’d be good to go.”

Stepping aside to let him pass, watching as he enters my apartment, it wasn’t anything big. The living area connected with the kitchen and a hallway that led to my bedroom. There was also a small patio I had set up with a table and a couple chairs. One of my favorite spots to unwind after a long day at work.

Wyatt turns around to face me. “Nice place.”

There was a some nervousness in his voice I hadn’t heard since meeting him. Wyatt had always seemed confident around me and right now he was a little fidgety. Which makes me nervous in return. 

Maybe this is too soon.

“Thanks. Make yourself at home, umm— there is water, wine and ginger ale in the fridge if you like something to drink. I’ll be back in a bit.” Giving him a quick smile before turning and heading towards my room, hearing a soft ok as I leave. 

*****

“Really, it’s not a big deal. Your cold and I’m more than happy to give you my jacket.” Wyatt says from across the table. 

Fighting back the chatter of my teeth, when the breeze that sweeps off the oceans surface and makes its way inside the restaurant. “It’s ok. I—.” 

My sentence is cut short as I watch Wyatt get up from his chair and shrug off his jacket and make his way towards me. “Here, I should have done this when we first got out of the car and before we made our way through the pier.”

The warmth that his body left in his jacket smooths the goosebumps that spread through my own. The scent that lingered in his jacket that is uniquely his has me forget a simple thank you. All I could do is watch as he makes his way back to his seat, silently thanking the heavens above and the surf below with how a simple white shirt stretches over his muscular chest and biceps. 

The color white doesn’t seem so plain against his sun kissed skin, I was reaching for the glass of water to stop me from ogling at him or worse being caught doing it.

“Better?” His softly asked.

Nodding. “Yes. Thank you.” Grateful that my manners spilled out.

“Sorry, I should have told you to bring a jacket or something. It cooled down a bit more than I thought.”

“No need to apologize. I should have gotten more information on where we were going.” I tell him, pushing the long sleeves back. “You know other than wear something comfortable.”

Wyatt reaches over the table. “Let me help you with that.” 

I lean my arm over the table, Wyatt takes the cuff of his jacket in both hands and rolls it in, stopping when it meets my wrist. Without asking, I give him the other, he does the same thing with the other sleeve.

As he rolls the sleeve, I press my nose down and smell the collar of his jacket that is sticking up, forgetting to fix it the moment it was put on. My eyes close as I inhale, his scent was intoxicating and I wanted to get lost in it. I’m reminded of where we are and who is sitting across from me that is until I hear him give a low chuckle. 

“You saw that didn’t you?” I say.

That earns me a deep laugh. “It’s hard to miss when all I can see is you.”

My face flushed and almost instantly it was getting a bit warmer before I could say anything to further embarrass myself, Wyatt words beat me to it.

“That blush suits you. It gives me some insight, which tells me I must be doing something right.”

“Well you do have a way with words. How can you not make a girl feel special.” My voice sounding sultrier than I wanted.

Before either of us can say anything our server brings out our meals. After thanking him, Wyatt and I fall into a comfortable silence within the first bites of our meal. 

He brought us to the Santa Monica Pier for our date, a place I hadn’t been to since I was a teenager. The last time I had been here was with my mother and father before my mothers passing. 

My preteen self coming along to enjoy time away from the books I’d lose myself in. Not old enough to be annoyed at spending time with my parents and not young enough to be awed by the excitement of the games and rides. 

But that had all melted away when I’d glance and see my mom and dad acting like high school sweethearts, which they were. We played games, each one of us trying to out win the other and getting on the rides seeing which one gave up first. 

My vision blurs with tears at the memories from that night so many many years ago, threaten to ruin the beginning of our night.

“Marie.” My head snaps up to see Wyatt’s face covered with concern. “Everything ok?”

“Yes.” I place down my fork on the edge of the plate. “I was remembering something about being here.”

Wyatt curses under his breath. “I didn’t think being here would bring memories of…him.” He grits out, his voice covered with hurt.  “I’m sorry.”

I watch his shoulders deflate just a touch. Who wouldn’t be hurt or disappointed when your date is possibly thinking of their ex, I would understand but that wasn’t what was running through my mind.

Shaking my head. “No…no…No!” Taking a deep breath, also wishing that wasn’t the first thing he thought of whenever I got emotional, he wasn’t off either but that wasn’t what I was thinking. I reach over and give his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s not that, the last time I was here was with my parents before my mother—.” I begin to clear things up. “Before she passed away.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Giving him the best smile I could muster at that moment. “It’s ok, you wouldn’t have known about my mothers passing and it’s a happy memory that I have from here.”

“I’m glad it was. Mind if I ask you to tell me about her? I’d love to get to know who she was.” 

“Not at all. More than happy too. Just tell me if you get tried of me talking.”

“Not all all possible.” Wyatt flashes his pearly whites, a smile that makes butterflies flutter. 

Before I knew it I was telling Wyatt about my mother and my childhood with my parents.

✨✨✨✨✨

Wyatt

I saw the spark enter her eyes as she spoke of her mother and the same brown eyes glisten with tears when she spoke of what I can only assume were the last memories she had of her. 

Marie had been quiet as we got in line to get onto the ferris wheel. Her infectious laughter and excitement as we played games and walked hand in hand was gone. Maybe the memories of her family were too much.

Her fingers now played with the small plush dragon we, well she mostly won, by popping the balloons while I missed, getting the dart stuck on the cork board. I proudly stood next to her impressed by the arm she displayed with that throw.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask.

She looks up at me, the multi-colored lights of the pier dance across her face, giving me small smile. The look that sweeps over her face before being replaced with the look that was hard to read at times. It was a look that had me guessing if she was remembering something else and this time I do think it does have something do with Dalton.  

Before she could answer we take our final steps up to the front of the line, with the attendant letting us through the gate. Taking our seats, we seat across from each other, the door closing to our pod leaving just the two of us as we ascend and leave the noise behind. The pod sways as it comes to a stop to let other riders on before we still at the top.

Marie sits across from me in my jacket, her hands gripping the edge of the seat, I’d be a fool to say that I didn’t love the way she looks in it. I had to control myself when I sat across from her at dinner while I rolled up the long sleeves as my fingers faintly touched her skin and while we walked around the pier hand in hand. 

Deep down I knew it wasn’t the right time to kiss her, no matter how bad I wanted too. Right now that was all I wanted to, I wanted to lean in and kiss her, make her forget whatever casted that look across her face.

“It’s not fair.” Marie says as she looks past me, instead of at me. 

Waiting for her to say more, she says nothing else.

What wasn’t fair was something I want to ask but at the same time afraid to because of the answer I may be given.

“The last time I was on a ferris wheel I was with two very funny and handsome young men.” Marie answers my unasked question with a lightness to her voice. “And it’s not fair to you to be compared to them because it’s no contest. Sorry and if you ever get the chance to meet them—umm well no scratch that, that is highly inappropriate.”

Marie finally looks me and laughs, once she sees the shocked look on my face.

She went on a ferris wheel with two guys? No, not two guys, two young men.

I’m trying to wrap my head around what has prompted her to say this and no normal scenario that would make sense to me plays in my mind.

“I should explain.” Marie starts.

“That would be helpful because what I maybe thinking is not normal.”

“Oh please share. I want to know what is going through that head of yours, you’re hard to read at times.”

“Here I thought I was an open book. I’m horrible at hiding things. You on the other hand Marie are hard to read. I get flashes of it but then you uhh get this look.” I finish sheepishly as I run my fingers through my hair. 

Marie’s face goes from happy and a bit teasing to serious, no emotion displaying across her face but there is that little glint in her eyes that is telling me not to take it too seriously, for now.

“This…this look.” She motions to her face with the pointer finger. “Had to be taught and mastered. Give no emotion to the press unless it was an event or planned outing. The less they see the real you the better.”

I scratch at the beard along my jaw before moving to sit next her. Wrapping my arm over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t ever want you to hide what you feel or don’t feel when you are around me. Now I’m dying to know about these two young men you went on a ferries wheel with.”

Marie lets out a small chuckle before tucking her hair behind her ear. The sound of a rollercoaster mixed with screams and laughter become louder as we begin to move. “Tonight also reminded me of a day the twins and I played hooky, we went to Coney Island.”

I could see from the corner of my eye that those boys mean the world to her and that no matter what happens between us I wouldn’t come close to them.

“We played games, just like the one we played, went on the ferris wheel and ate so much junk food. Sofia wasn’t so happy about that when we got home.” She laughs at the memory.

Sofia Russo, Dalton’s ex-fiancée, I scanned through the articles on her when I had gone down that rabbit hole.

I’m brought back to Marie and our date at the sound of her soft voice telling me about that day. “I wasn’t sorry for taking them. They were kids and I had promised them we’d go and she was being unreasonable in my opinion.”

But I couldn’t focus on what she was sharing with me, something gnawed at me the way she talked about that day and how I practically did everything she did years ago with the twins. 

I had taken her down memory lane, first with her parents and second with the family she left. The only thing I selfishly hoped for was for her to stay here and not realize what she may want was back in New York.

*****

Marie and I walk side by side, my hands tucked in the front pockets of my jeans, gone was the hand holding, at least on my end. We walk through the Pier, surrounded by running kids and loved up couples holding hands and sneaking in kisses. 

That could be us but here I was kicking and distancing myself from her. What I thought was a perfect date turned into a disaster and something she already did with the boys she nannied for and no matter how much I tried to tell myself it was just them, they still had a father that she loved and more than not did the same thing.

“Wy.” Marie snakes her arm through mine. “Penny for your thoughts?”

I look down at her giving her a weak smile. “Why do I get the feeling that our night is coming to an end?” I ask her, turning away from her and looking straight ahead as I weave our way through the crowd.

“Is it?”

I can’t answer afraid my voice would crack with disappointment so I just give her a nod.

“I thought everything was going well. The night is still young and I have something in mind for the next part of our date.”

I raise my eyebrow in surprise at her. The self pity party that I’m having begins to melt away slowly. “Do you now?”

Marie nods.

She surprises me and I’m feeling hopeful once more. “Here I thought I was in charge of the date. Are you hijacking my date?”

“I would never.” She teases. “I was just thinking that the both of us could have a say into tonight. You know since I was the one who asked you out.”

We reach my car, opening the door for her waiting until she is settled before making my way to the other side.

“You didn’t give me the chance to ask you.” I say as I get in.

Marie leans over, her body pressing into mine. Her perfume invading my scenes, the sweet scent of magnolias and citrus, as she looks at the dash. “No need for a fill up.” She says as she looks at me, she is so close that the smallest movement would seal our lips together. She smiles and sits back in her seat buckling up.

“Marie?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you gonna tell me what you have in mind?”

Her laughter fills my car. “Right. That would help wouldn’t it.” I nod at her, waiting for her to continue. “I was thinking we should see the stars.

“The stars?”

“Yeah.” Marie unbuckles her seatbelt and opens and jumps out the door. “Mind if I drive?

Maybe there was hope for this night after all.

*****

“There.” I point to the next parking structure on our right. “This one isn’t hard to miss.” I joke, Marie had missed the last three parking areas that we passed. Not to say she was a bad driver but she was kind of distracted with the outside world.

“Why are we here?” I ask, wondering what we were doing on Hollywood Blvd.

“Well Mr. Kent. I’m gonna show you the stars.”

“Isn’t this a little touristy?” 

“Of course. That’s the fun of it. I’ve never done it before and we just did the Santa Monica Pier, which is super touristy as you put it, now we are doing the Hollywood Walk of Fame.”

“Alright.”

“Oh and the Chinese Theater, Pantages and Dolby. One could go on and on and all the stars we get see.” Marie tells me enthusiastically.

We walk the down Hollywood Blvd. stopping and looking down when one of us spots a name we recognize. Further down there are side shows and artists singing, we stop for a moment to enjoy them. The look on Marie’s face can only be described as if she was spending the day at Disneyland and not the streets that have caused many heartbreaks then successes. 

“Let’s get a picture with them.”

“You know you have to pay them to take a picture.” I point out, not thinking twice as I pull out my wallet to take out some singles to had over to the person that must be sweating bullets under that costume.

Taking Marie’s phone, she poses and smiles while I capture the moment of her standing next to a Nickelodeon character. 

“Thanks.” She tells the character. “How did it turn out?”

“Good.”

“Come on there are more up ahead. I’ll pay you back but you have to take pictures with me.”

I shake my head. “I’m not having you pay me back. And I’ll agree to the pictures as long as I get to take one with Marilyn over there.”

The night continues with us walking down the street as we hop over to the other side before an idea strikes.

“Let’s go.” I pull her along. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Where are we going?” Her voice filled with excitement as I begin to pull us away from The Walk of Fame and towards where we parked my car.

“Can’t say.”

Moments later I’m pulling out of the structure I glance quickly over at Marie, seeing the lights of the city and all the entertainment that Hollywood Blvd provided shine against her skin and light up her whiskey eyes as if she was seeing it all for the first time, even after spending an hour or so walking the same sidewalk we drive by. 

“I have to show you.” Was all I could say before my concentration settles on the roads of LA, we did need to get there in one piece and the city wasn’t known for having the best drivers.

The feel of her hand on my knee sends a warmth through me and my focus faltered just a bit that I stepped on the brake a bit harder then intended. “You could tell me.”

“Do you like surprises?”

It wasn’t a trick question but she took her time in giving me answer of she was contemplating on which direction her answer would take. No matter what she said my response was going to be the same.

“I do like surprises.” Marie whispers, an answer I was able to catch before a car behind us honks loudly.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise than if I told you.” I tell her as I merge on the 101. I smirk as I catch her cross her arms at not getting told the surprise. “That little pout is adorable.”

“I do not pout.” She uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on her lap, unsure what to do after being called out. “You think I’m adorable?”

“I think you’re beautiful.” I tell her. 

“Wyatt—.”

“The little pout and arm cross thing you did is like I said adorable.” That bit comes out with a chuckle, earning me a playful shove and a smile.

“You make me sound childish.” A bit of humor in her voice states. “Can you tell me now?”

After getting off the freeway the drive up was a bit quieter than I expected. Hoping the way up wouldn’t give to much away. The houses and the winding road would be a bit vague for someone who wasn’t from California and another reason I didn’t have the GPS on. Marie had been gone for years and even when she lived here there had been things she hadn’t done. So I was banking on that to help me keep it a surprise.

My heart pounded against my chest as we went up the mountain, surely it was something Marie heard with the inside of the car being as quiet as possible. She hadn’t said anything after asking me again where were going. I could only imagine what she was coming up with as to where I was taking her.

The soft sound of her voice cuts through the silence. “This is like serial killer location. Going up a mountain no other car has passed by, how many dates have you brought up here Wyatt?”

I hold back a laugh as to where her mind went. “You’re the first. Here I thought you liked a little bit of an adrenaline rush.”

“Running for my life was not what I would say counts as a rush one wants to experience.”

“You won’t be running… for long.” I continue. “I was thinking that if you wanted to see stars we could actually see stars.”

I drive close to the side of the mountain as a car coming down pass by us, making the last turn before it comes to view and I hear Marie gasp. “The Griffith Observatory.”

The lit up white dome building sits in front of us, shining bright against the night sky. The warm lights that surrounded the grassy area seeing people coming and going. “Well shit..” I curse under my breath. There was a bit more people than I hoped would still be out here but we could still make this work.

“What is it?” Marie asks while I pull into an empty parking spot, perhaps I wasn’t unlucky after all. Prime parking is unheard of, so I’ll count that as a win.

“I just thought maybe it would be just the two of us.”

Marie’s laughter fills the car at my words. Her laughter sinking deeper in my soul and finding it impossible not to fall harder for her than I already am. Some would call what I have as being whipped, that someone being my younger brother but I didn’t care. 

Once she finishes and catches her breath she says. “That is adorable.”

“You think I’m adorable?” I mimic the words Marie had said earlier. Hearing her seatbelt unbuckle and her door open without an answer to my question. “Come on.” She calls out from outside the car.

Killing the engine and getting out, I stride towards her. Taking her hand in mine, we blend in with most of the people that are still up here. Couples on a romantic night out, the rest and few families walking around and seeing The City of Angels at its brightest.

Marie tugs at my hand, a few steps in front of me, leading us through the grounds of the observatory. I nod and smile at the people who stare at us as we walk by them. Marie drops my hand as we get to the end and stops once she reaches the railing. The faint smell of her perfume once more hypnotizes me slightly until I see that I’m about to bump into her. I wrap my arm around her waist to soften the blow of my body bumping into hers.

“Sorry—.” My apology dies in my throat when Marie covers my arm with her hand. The softness of her hand almost has me missing her question.

“Have you ever seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?”

It was a rare night to see Downtown Los Angeles so clearly. The city lights shining bright a complete contrast to what was directly below us, the dark and rough terrain of the mountain. There was hardly any smog surrounding the city, again that was rare. It wasn’t as beautiful as seeing the Eiffel Tower illuminated on a Parisian night or seeing New York City from The Empire State Building but it was a part of home.

“Did you just quote The Little Mermaid?” My lips brushing the whispered question against her ear, my chin coming to rest on her shoulder.

“So that movie you know.”

“It’s a classic. It happens to be Olive’s favorite movie, she forced me to watch it with her. Even went as far as calling me a guppy.”

Marie turns to face me, the stars glowing in her eyes, the ones that I could get lost in just like the first time I saw her.

“Thank you for bringing me, it’s beautiful.”

Reaching up and cupping the side of her face, the both of us drawn to each like moths to a flame. 

Feeling Marie’s hands wrap around my waist. “Come, lets go see the stars.” I say before leading her to the other side of the grassy area a bit further away from the crowd.

Removing my jacket she had been wearing since the pier, she places it on the ground. Spreading it out and giving us something to lay on. Watching as she takes her spot and lays down on her back, patting the empty spot next to her, Marie wanting me to join her.

The feel and warmth of her body as I move next to her relaxes me. The dark sky twinkling above us. The laughters and murmurs of the crowd fading away as the stars brings us to focus on the things that are otherworldly and out of our control. 

Marie’s hand brushes against mine, that soft subtle movement makes the hair on my arms rise. Her breathing steady, turning my head just slightly watching the rise and fall of her chest. A faint smile on her face, the brown in her eyes now seem lighter with the light from the moon shining down on her. 

“What has you smiling that like?” I ask, wanting to know her every thought.

Marie turns to look at me, the smile never wavering. “I don’t know if I should share. Last time I did you wanted to end our night prematurely.”

I prop myself up on my side and rest on my elbow, looking down at Marie her brown hair spread out against my jacket. Her eyes searching for an okay to continue down possibly another memory that I’ve unknowingly unlocked tonight.

Leaning over, I run the back of my fingers down her cheek. “Tell me about it.” I say.

“I was remembering a time a few years ago, after taking Mason and Mickey to the museum, the three of us headed to Central Park to star gaze.” She whispers, the way she speaks those words and how her face lights up gave me another glimpse of the love she has for them.

“That must have been something. The stars in the city, I hope the company is well matched.” I tell her, looking back up at the night sky. “Tell me about that night.”

“The company present is well matched, diving into more of the deep stuff tonight I see.”

I smirk at the thought. “I think that is all that is left after everything we’ve talked about.”

“And who’s fault is that? That day happened to be my unofficial first day as the boys nanny, I had been moving in when a call came in and uhh—.” Marie hesitates a bit. “Saa.. he had to go handle a PR nightmare, so it was just me and the boys. That night I may have used that opportunity to learn more about who his fiancée was and what she meant to them.”

Marie turns and looks away from me, trying to hide the rosiness creep up on her as if she been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. A PR nightmare? I couldn’t recall any disaster before the wedding but then again it was most definitely handled. “Aaah, so you used the twins to find out more about…”

“Very hypocritical of me I know” Marie says cutting me off.

“I’ll plead the fifth to comment on that. You wanted to know more about someone you felt something more for, I’m in no place to say anything.”

“Yeah, I’d say this night—.”

“—has me going O for two.” I add before she could call it a disaster.

“O for two?” Marie looks at me curiously.

“Strike one with the Santa Monica Pier. My Pier to your Coney Island. Strike two with The Observatory. My Griffith Park to your Central Park.

“I guess your right. What are the odds of that happening.” She says leaning back down. “I wouldn’t say O for two that's a bit harsh, not out of the park but maybe a single or a stretched out double.”

I throw my head back with a laugh.

Noticing Marie wraps her arms around herself, the chill of the night might be settling back in. I swear my heart could have stopped for a second when she turns and looks at me with these come get me eyes. 

I lean down and whisper to her. “Dance with me.”

Marie gives me quizzical look. “There isn’t any music.”

In one swift movement I stand and straighten myself out, extending my hand to her. “Have you never danced without music? It’s one of the things one must do in life. ”

“I can’t say that I have. What are the other things one must do?” 

Marie places her hand in mine and I pull her up to her feet. 

“One, dance like no one is watching, even if it is with no music. Two, travel the world. And three, love like you’ve never been hurt.” 

Our bodies pressing into each other, my hands resting on the small of her back, running my finger tips up her arm and back down taking her hand in mine once more. I curl them in and rest our entwined hands on my chest. My other hand still remaining on her lower back, feeling the smooth soft skin under my fingers with the slightest movement her shirt rides up. 

I lead her to our own rhythm, swaying gently side to side, I look past her not trusting myself to not trip over my own feet and trying to control my rapidly beating heart, my heart that threatens to spill out what I feel for Marie.

“Wyatt, may I ask you something?” She asks before I could answer her first question she throws another one at me. “How is this whole friend thing going?”

Looking down at the woman in my arms, realizing she had never stopped looking at me, I wince at the question, my little mantra making a comeback and mocking me. “Too shit, if I’m being honest. You heard that?”

“I think they all did.” Marie says, pressing her lips together fighting back a laugh. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t hear you say it. Olive told me right before she had me change, you know giving them the chance to leave you and me alone.”

I nod, remembering the not so subtle move my sister and friends made that night.

“Friends don’t make each other feel like this.” My tone turning serious with the words that come from deep within my soul.

“Make one feel like what?”

“Like maybe one day you could be my everything.”

Marie’s body goes still, stiffening against mine. I drop my head and close my eyes shut, I curse myself for saying such a thing. We don’t even know what this thing between us is and I’m over here thinking of a lifetime with her.

Marie moves against my hold, I don’t want to see her put a well deserved distance between us, so I keep my eyes closed.

My eyes open at her soft touch against my cheek, a tenderness as settled across her features that is accompanied by a small smile. 

My breath hitches when she leans up and her lips replace the touch of her hand on my cheek.

“Maybe I could get you to sing a song because this whole dancing with no music is kinda driving me crazy.”

“You’ll definitely go running for the hills if I do and I'm still not ready to let you go.”

The small side to side picks up again as I lead her in our little corner of The Observatory, the sounds and sight of the City of Angels around becoming an afterthought once more, right now it’s just the two of us in our own little world.

Without thinking and with a clearing of the dry lump that has formed in my throat, the lyrics that almost perfectly describe Marie and what I am feeling flows past my lips.

‘When she gets that come…get me look in her eyes…it kinda scares me the..way she drives me wild—.’

I look down, getting lost in the why she looks at me, jotting down to memory every last detail of her features, the way the corner of her eyes squint, the many ways her lips form a smile, the way she stares back at me with a look that makes my heart stop and beat like crazy at the same time, the way her breathing picks up when I pull her closer to me.

I pray it’s enough to last me a lifetime. 

‘When she drives me wild…beautiful, crazy, she can’t…help but amaze me…the way that she dances…ain’t afraid to take chances…and wears her heart on her sleeve—.’

My eyes close when Marie’s fingers caress the nape of neck. The hair that peppers my arms raise with excitement.

‘Yeah, she’s crazy but..her crazy is beautiful to me’

I don’t know when we stopped dancing or when one of my hands moved to the back of her head bringing her closer. Leaning in, gently nudging my nose against hers, seeing if she is comfortable with this closeness. The last time I had been this close she had pulled away and that was before I told her she could be my everything. There was a whispering touch of her lips ever so close to mine, searching her eyes, seeking permission to go a step further. 

My eyes widen before they close when Marie’s lips crash hard against mine, If I wasn’t holding onto her we would have taken a step back at the force of her kiss. Her kiss softens letting me feel just how soft her lips are, almost exactly as I imagined they would be, if not softer. 

Feeling her begin to pull back I press firmly against her lips, rewarded with a slight parting that I take advantage of, her body molding into mine and arms wrapping around me as our tongues move against each other. Her taste invading every part of me.

A moan escapes from her encouraging me to keep going.

My lungs begin to burn as they beg for air. But at this moment everything I need is right here in my arms, reluctantly I pull back before kissing her softly once more.

“I had to get you to stop singing somehow.” She murmurs breathlessly smiling against my lips. “Did you call me crazy?”

“Beautiful.” I whisper.

*****

Shortly after Marie surprised me with a kiss, I drove us back to her apartment. Her hand in mine as we climb the stairs. She glances over her shoulder at me and gives me one of her heart stopping smiles.

The ride over had been quiet at least between us. Marie had turned on the radio and I welcomed the musical distraction, it was hard to focus on the road when all I wanted to do was look over and glance at her.

Marie had been getting the first in everything when it came to us. She had asked me out, she kissed me, not that I was complaining. If taking things at her pace was the way to continue to be with her then that was something I’d be happy to do.

She didn’t run when I said what I feeling. My so called confession of a premature love that was blossoming.

Our night winding down as we took the last step up to her apartment. Two options run through my mind for how this night could end and one of them was wishful thinking. One, I bid her goodnight, be a gentleman and make sure she is safely inside then head home and contemplate in calling her before falling asleep with the image of her running through my mind as sleep took over.

Or option two, which in my own opinion sounded a hell of a lot better, was getting lost with her seeing just how those cover cling to her. Who was I kidding, I was getting way ahead of myself with giving myself the thought of option two.

“What are you thinking?” Marie’s soft voice asks me.

It was at that moment that I notice that we are standing at her door, turning to me her free hand running along my bearded jawline, closing my eyes at the sensation that courses through me. I would never tire of this caress from her.

Leaning down, pressing my forehead against hers. “How I don’t want this night to end.” I sigh.

Marie drops my hand from hers and pushes her body into mine, taking a quick step back my hands on instinct go to her waist, steadying her and myself as I feel the cool railing press into my back.

“It doesn’t have to.” Marie’s words a feather touch against my lips.

The look on her face tells me she wants something more and hell I do to, why lie to myself. Her lips parting as if she was going to say something but I don’t give her a chance. My hands go from her waist to tangle into her hair as I crash my mouth against hers. 

This time taking control, the tenderness of our first kiss under the stars long gone, now replaced with a hunger that was hiding in the shadows now coming to the forefront. Marie’s tongue slipping into my mouth, getting a moan out of me as her arms wrap around my neck.

I give her hair a slight pull, earning me a grin I could feel. I untangle my hands from her, running them down her back until my hands cup the roundness of her ass. Giving it a squeeze as I lift her up, she wraps her legs around my waist like we’ve done this many times before. 

Marie grinds herself against me, the strain in my pants getting a bit tighter. My hands going under her shirt, running along the smooth skin of her back. My eyes open at the loss of Marie’s lips on mine, seeing the hunger in her eyes that surely match mine. The clasp of her bra at my fingertips, one quick snap of my fingers and it would open. One pull up and her shirt would be over her head.

A groan rumbles in my throat at the image that would be displayed in my arms.

“Spend the night with me Wyatt.”

I don’t have time to answer or fully notice the slight hesitation in her words when there’s a cough coming from behind us. Marie’s head snaps back and I look past her.

A man stands firmly inside the open door, almost as tall as me but just a few inches shorter. Dark hair that is peppered with white. Brown eyes that match the woman in my arms, looking at me with a glare of being caught of doing something inappropriate. He folds his arms over his chest, this mystery man looks as if he is waiting for Marie or myself to say something. 

Words fail me. My racing mind not so much, how much did he see? How long had he been standing there? Did he see me grab her ass? Lift her up and watch her legs wrap around me? Or did he just see when my hands, that are still under Marie’s shirt, crawl up and get ready to undress her out in the open.

Any of those possibilities couldn’t get more embarrassing, well no scratch that, I did have something straining against my pants, lucky for me Marie was covering that up.

“Dad! What are you doing here?” Her voice sounding very nonchalant for the situation we find ourselves in.

Shock takes over as the words that Marie as spoken begin to register in my mind. 

Dad?

I hear that right, right? 

Dad! Dad?

Fuck…Fuck…Fuck!

I literally groped Marie in front of her father. My hands instantly drop and I slowly peel Marie off of me. Marie smiles sweetly at me before turning around to face her father as if he didn’t see what we were doing and what that could have lead to. 

With her turned away from me, she looks composed all the while I was squirming on the inside while I stood frozen under the watchful eye of her dad but from where I stood it felt more like a death stare.

From the moment Marie asked him what he was doing here to when he finally answered felt like time stood still.

“I wanted to make sure you arrived home safely.” His stare softened when he looked at his daughter. 

I watch as Marie shakes her head at him. “I didn’t give you a spare key to spy on me. It was for emergencies.”

“And my daughter going on a date isn’t an emergency?” The corner of his mouth twitches up into a smirk.

“No it isn’t!” Marie says with a bit of humor behind it. “What I should do is take it away.”

I watch as her father plays the hurt card at her words and hearing Marie laugh, dropping and shaking her head. “You wouldn’t do that to your old man. Would you? Where are your manners Mija, I’m assuming this is Wyatt.”

Marie turns to me and mouths sorry and for the first time since being interrupted I feel the blood pump through my veins once more, I smile softly at her. Taking a side step away from Marie, I walk to her open door with my hand stretched out.

“Sir.” I nod to him. “Wyatt Kent.”

His hand shake firm as he introduces himself. “Alejandro Castro.”

Mr. Castro looks past me, towards his daughter. “Come inside Marie, it’s getting late. I’ll walk Wyatt here to his car.”

Marie closes the space between us, giving her dad a quick hug. “It’s not that late. Wyatt and I were going to have a night cap. I could walk you to the car if you want.”

Mr. Castro stands next to me, giving me a firm pat on the back of my shoulder. “What do you say Wyatt. Walk an old man to his car?”

I look at Marie and then her father, I must be caught between some joke. Mr. Castro wasn’t that old perhaps in his fifties.

“Now you want him to walk you to your car? What happened to you walking him to his car?”

“That wouldn’t be a problem right?”

“I umm.—yeah I mean no sir no problem at all…” I run my hand through my hair nervously. “I’ll call you.” I tell Marie. The look in her eyes fades the slightest at my words.

“Nonsense Wyatt. Marie couldn’t stop talking about you and it would be such a shame for her to wait on your call. ” Mr. Castro speaks up. “Join us for church tomorrow. You do go to church don’t you?”

“Yeah..yes.” I lie, my voice coming out as a prepubescent teenager. I just lied. Why? I kick myself mentally, I lied through my teeth to the one person that can shut down any possibility of dating the woman in front of me.  

“Dad! What are you…Wyatt you don’t have to.” Marie scrambles to say. “Dad you don’—.”

“Don’t miss church on Sundays and Marie, Wyatt already agreed.” 

I look back and forth between them, her dad having a cheshire cat like grin and Marie rolling her eyes at him.

“Come on Kent. It’s late and time to call it a night if we want to be up bright and early dressed in our Sunday best.”

I watch Mr. Castro kiss his daughter on the cheek before turning around back to me.

“I’m so sorry about this, goodnight Wyatt. I had a great time.” Marie says.

“Me too.” I lean in to give a peck on her cheek but Marie surprises me once more and lands a gentle kiss on my lips.

“I really am sorry. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

I nod as I turn and fall in line with Mr. Castro, looking over my shoulder to get one last glimpse of Marie before walking away for the night. Catching her smile at me before she closes the door, I wait until I hear the locks on her door turn before taking another step.

Hearing a grunt come from the man next to me, not knowing if that grunt is of disapproval at what he saw or a grunt that earned me some points waiting for his daughter to be safely behind closed doors.

There was only one way to find out and unfortunately there was a chance that I’d be finding out while I was on my knees asking for forgiveness.

tags: @cariantha @thenannyaffair-fanfics @txemrn @issabees @nikirennie87 @choicesficwriterscreations @chemist-ana

#the nanny affair au #better in time fanfic #marie x wyatt #choices fanfiction #choices stories you play #the nanny affair #choices tna #sam dalton #marie castro x sam dalton #better in time chapter 4

[faerywhimsy]

I am being completely normal about quietly compiling a Devil's Minion playlist and chatting to @eosphoroz about it. Wanting to track it before I forget why I grabbed each of them.

AKA: I went and gave myself more than two hours of feels, and now need to talk about it.

Ended up being a bit of a fanfic rec along the way as well, if you stick with it 😅

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Lorde cover (2013)

Daniel got everything he wants, coming to Lestat's house in New Orleans after his interview with the vampire. A vampire has found him here! Only, Armand is far more than Daniel bargained for.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Let's Dance - David Bowie (1983)

I'll admit this one first found its way into my playlist because of this Daniel/Marius fanfic by the same name, written by @cup-of-lixx. (Just know it's not the song the author intended listened to along with it.)

But, fuck, if this isn't the song that goes hand-in-hand with the QotD, 'Go now, start running!' line, I don't know what to tell you.

If you say run I'll run with you And if you say hide We'll hide Because my love for you Would break my heart in two If you should fall into my arms And tremble like a flower

The Frail - Nine Inch Nails (1999)

In those moments when Daniel thinks Armand has lost Daniel's trail, he pauses to eat or drink something and struggles to learn to recoup his losses. Only then to find Armand staring at him from across the street, or from under that bus stop.

This little recognised piece is a 114 second instrumental without lyrics. But I feel the title and tone of the track perfectly incapsulate Daniel's human frailty in those moments he's forced to introspect on what his life has already become, and even Armand's last words to him.

"I am going to let you leave here. I want to follow you, watch you, see where you go. As long as I find you interesting, I won't kill you. And of course, I may lose interest altogether and not bother to kill you. You may have hope in that. And maybe, with luck, I'll lose track of you. I have my limitations, of course. You have the world to roam, and you can move by day. Go now. Start running. I want to see what you do, I want to know what you are."

Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars (2009)

That whole run and chase part of the story happens in a bunch of vignettes, doesn't it? Well, good thing I have a few other songs to cover this period of time. If the last one was from Armand's PoV, this is from Daniel's.

Do you really want? Do you really want me? Do you really want me dead or alive to torture for my sins?

Sacrament (Acoustic) - HIM (2003)

Is it possible to have a VC playlist without 'His Infernal Majesty' (omg). Never mind that Ville Valo and his host of songs remains my existing head canon for Lestat during his rockstar period, this song perfectly captures the pull Daniel begins to feel towards Armand before he's even come to accept it.

I know my weak prayers aren't enough to heal Oh the ancient wounds so deep and so dear The revelation is of hatred and fear

Way Out Of Here - Porcupine Tree (2007)

Once Armand starts letting Daniel out of his sight again—largely because Daniel starts demanding, begging, irritating about becoming a vampire—Daniel starts running away. That'll show Armand! Daniel thinks. Only, he begins to start to realise that his time with Armand isn't so easily forgotten as all that.

I'll try to forget you And I know that I will In a thousand years or maybe a week I'll burn all your pictures, cut out your face The shutters are down and the curtains are closed And I've covered my tracks Disposed of the car and I'll try to forget even your name And the way that you look when you're sleeping

Opheliac - Emilie Autumn (2006)

I already made a post on this, but the TL;DR is that this has both Daniel's dysfunction vs Armand's composure in the form of Shakespearean quotations as different viewpoints within the lyrics.

You know the games I play And the words I say When I want my own way You know the lies I tell When you've gone through hell And I say I can't stay

Wanna Be Sure - Aidan Hawken (2010)

Daniel always leaves, but he always comes back to Armand again. Daniel always leaves, but Armand takes him back again. Neither of them can help themselves.

I keep coming back To you everytime Washing the walls of the room that you slept And the place that you hide I wanna be sure That your hearts on fire And your gonna be pure And that your love is all mine

Video Games - Lana Del Rey (2012)

This one I feel viscerally whenever I read a fic where Daniel is high or drunk out of his mind and completely, completely devoted to Armand.

There are way too many of those to link here, it being the central canon theme.

He holds me in his big arms Drunk and I am seeing stars This is all I think of It's you, it's you, it's all for you Everything I do I tell you all the time Heaven is a place on earth with you

Bloodstream - Stateless (2007)

Boy, this one's a heart jerker brought across from another vampire fandom, also very much pressing on those themes of obsession and addiction.

I think I might've inhaled you I can feel you behind my eyes You gotten into my bloodstream I can feel you floating in me

Possession - Sarah McLachlan (1993)

And just because there's the tiniest hint of a sweetness in these years between our boys (although truthfully we do get more of it in fandom) it felt like this rounded out our trio of Daniel loves Armand more than he loves his own life songs, and sometimes Armand even knows it.

mercy in you by @apoptoses is a freakishly good example of a moment of the strange sweetness between them.

My body aches to breathe your breath Your words keep me alive And I would be the one To hold you down Kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away And after I'd wipe away the tears

I Grieve - Peter Gabriel (1998)

This song frequently pisses me right off. It's got this really sweet melody for like, the first 3/4 of it, and then it ends out on this ridiculously bop-hopeful melody completely at odds with the rest of it.

But today, when listening to it as a song that starts while Armand is coming to reconcile breaking his vow never to make a fledgling with his blood, followed by the false hope of what might come afterwards... it actually works fabulously.

And I can't handle this I grieve, for you You leave, me Let it out and move on Missing what's gone They say life carries on .... Did I dream this belief Or did I believe this dream? Now I will find relief I grieve

Bel Air - Lana Del Rey (2012)

The haunting melody playing in the background of the movie version of the mind vision of Venice that Armand creates for Daniel as he turns him, the last time before the veil of silence falls between them.

There's an argument with this song that the corruption of wealth as evil signified in a place like Bel Air could mean this place represents for Hell, which I gotta say is also On Point with Armand's warnings.

Don't be afraid of me Don't be ashamed Walk in the way of my soft resurrection Idol of roses, iconic soul I know your name Lead me to war with your brilliant direction

Hardest of Hearts - Florence and the Machine (2009)

I heard this song for the first time via this Armand/Lestat fanart by @martinijordan. What can I say, it also makes me think of Armand turning Daniel from his PoV.

My heart swells like the water at wait Can't stop myself before it's too late Hold on to your heart Because I'm coming to take you Hold on to your heart Because I'm coming to break you

Hero - Nickleback (2003)

Akasha has just been killed. Daniel's a vampire, Armand's a vampire, they're both alive and together, and for just one brief, shiny moment... it seems like everything between them is going to be just fine.

I am so high. I can hear heaven. No heaven, no heaven dont hear me. Now that the world isn't ending It's love that I'm sending to you.

Euphoria (Firefly) - Delirium (1999)

As a vampire, Daniel is suddenly exposed to senses unimaginable to his human self from before. It's intoxicating and raw in this new and completely different way that the alcohol, the drugs, they didn't even touch. Daniel was so, so right about this being the only thing he ever wanted.

I never want to loose What I have finally found There's a requiem A new congregation And it's telling me go forward And walk under a brighter sky Every nerve glowing like a firefly

It Can't Rain All The Time - Jane Siberry (1994)

Will I ever not also think of The Crow with this song? That movie with its many similar visual themes to VC. For me, this song is the very beginning of Daniel's madness after turning, before he realises it's not exactly a 'normal' part in the process of becoming a vampire.

Sometimes you can barely tell the difference Between darkness and light Do you have faith In what we believe? The truest test is when we cannot When we cannot see There's something wrong, and It's hard to belive that love will prevail

Anna Begins (Acoustic) - Counting Crows (1993)

Make An Exception, a Fucking Devastating fanfic by @hekateinhell, but also words that are present in the lyrics to Anna Begins.

So now I'm always thinking of Daniel's madness and this song together. (Go read this fic, it will tear your heart out and make you cry in the best way - note: this is also not the song that was intended for listening with this fic by the author.)

he's talking in his sleep It's keeping me awake and [Daniel] begins to toss and turn And every word is nonsense but I understand and Oh lord, I'm not ready

Bring Me the Disco King - David Bowie (2003)

Ahahaha, this is Armand railing at Daniel because he wants to leave, despite Armand determined that all fledglings are doomed to loathe their makers, and basically turning that into a self fulfilling prophecy that both of them must live through.

It was bad when Louis left him. It's gonna be 70,000,000 times worse with Daniel.

Killing time in the 70's Smelling of love through the moist wind Don't let me know when you're opening the door Close me in the dark, let me disappear Soon there'll be nothing left of me Nothing left to release Dance, dance, dance through the fire

The Wooden Boat - Miranda Sex Garden (1994)

Full on madness for Daniel. Not with Armand anymore, but immediately before Marius sweeps him up. Has anyone registered my love of the minor key for this playlist yet? Hnng.

Hear me out, there isn't going to be a 'The Model Trains' song. However, there is a 'The Wooden Boat' song, and it's just freaky and eerie with only three stanzas for over six minutes, growing into a crescendo of background noises that speak beautifully to Daniel's gradual overstimulation and the world becoming an impossible place for him to live in anymore.

Bonus: This can be followed by the title track, 'A Fairytale About Slavery' then 'Cover My Face', for maximum indie music mind fuck.

For a moment you were almost there Through your veil I saw you stare Follow me, I'll lead you through my dreams Let me share the only thing I call my own

Medicine - Daughter (2015)

I was listening to this on repeat and making myself cry while writing Daniel in his madness the other day (no I'm fine, thanks for asking).

Technically this is definitely well into the 'playing with model trains' timeframe for me, rather than Devil's Minion, but it definitely gives the same angst vibes so, screw it, I'm including it here.

You could still be, what you want to What you said you were, when I met you You've got a warm heart You've got a beautiful brain But it's disintegrating

Hello - Evanescence (2003)

Look, so Daniel is the Devil's Minion, so therefore any song that makes me think of him is still technically Devil's Minion.

Okay. So, if the last song is Marius watching over Daniel and being aware of his mental state, this is Daniel inside his own mind being incredibly aware of his own failing state, over which there's nothing he can do. Other than be conscious of it, which is actually a big step.

If I smile and don't believe Soon I know I'll wake from this dream Don't try to fix me I'm not broken Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide Don't cry

My Beautiful - Lennon ft. Travis Meeks (2001)

Every single incredibly unsatisfying phone call between Armand and Daniel whilst Daniel is still vacationing at the Marius Home for Wayward Vampires (term taken from the fanfic scars by @serenwanders)

You called, I answered, but baby I'm only half awake 'Hush little one, with you here everything is going to be okay,' Is all you say but what if things don't go that way? It's over, we both know, we're both tired of playing the parts I said, 'Goodbye,' you said, 'Oh well nothing's really lost,' Call every now and then just to hear your voice talk to me You still say, 'Everything's all right' But it's not and that's something you're too blind to see

Just Give Me A Reason - P!nk ft. Nate Ruess (2012)

A tiny bit of hope in the jungle, and another phone conversation no doubt. Marius is trying to convince Armand that, after all his time with Daniel now, from Daniel's perspective at least, it seems to him all is not lost.

Alternate take: This is Daniel absolutely shitting himself as he and Marius ready themselves for Daniel to see Armand in person again for the first time in decades.

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough Just a second we're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again I never stop, you're still written in the scars on my heart You're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Rolling in the Deep - Adele (2011)

Everything is so. freaking. polite. when Armand and Daniel see each other that first time. It's like they're pod!versions of each other in front of everyone else.

But when they get a moment to themselves, there's this blow out argument, an end to treading on egg shells like they have been since Armand turned Daniel nearly 30 years ago. It's messy. Armand blames Daniel for leaving him. Daniel blames Armand for doing his best to make Daniel hate him. And, at the end, the arguing feels so familiar and comfortable that both of them start to relax in the beginning of healing their past together.

You had my heart inside (you're gonna wish you) Of your hands (never had met me) And you played it (tears are gonna fall) To the beat (rolling in the deep)

Hello - Lionel Richie ft. Jennifer Nettles (1983)

Forgiveness. Can you imagine? Indulging in obsessive behaviour is something Daniel will always have to watch for, but he and Armand have been through Hell together and come out the other side now at Trinity Gate. They earn their happiness and, finally, an ability to see and accept each other as (relative) equals.

And they never let each other go again.

Hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted and my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you

#completely normal #the devil's minion

[couldbebetterforsure]

Still haven’t been able to start chapter 10 of Engage yet 😔 Life just doesn’t want me playing this game. Well, screw you too life!

Anyways until I get the time to continue I can at least give you my thoughts from the chapters I did play!

The opening is so entertaining! It plays like a Saturday morning cartoon opening and that is NOT a complaint! While I have said many times male Alear is the one I’m more fond of I chose female Alear because whenever I do first runs/main runs of games that allow gender choice for the player I always go with the female option. I also named Alear after my real life name, which I typically only do once I do my main/true run of a game. But this time around I decided I’m gonna have my true run Alear stay named Alear. But my true run won’t be until all the DLC is released. Right now we’re talking about my first run!

Prologue: What is this music so unsettling for????? Seriously, the song that plays on this map is so creepy! The little cutscenes within the chapter itself were pretty, I especially liked the first engage moment with Marth! Straightforward map against creepy purple dragon guy.

Chapter 1: Clanne, Framme, and Vander: “Oh noble and wonderful Divine One, we’re so glad you’re awake!” Alear, dragon who just woke up: ???????? Alear has the appropriate response to sudden zombies, we run from those suckers! But no worry folks, I’ve got years of zombie ass kicking experience from a land called Ylisse, this won’t be any sweat! But then I learned it would be some sweat because Engage has a somewhat different way of handling battle stuff. It was a bit hard to get it started but it’s fun! And Vander was here to do his job and keep my low level self alive. And we get officially introduced to my man Mar Mar! The chapter ends with us meeting Lumera (MOM!!!!!!!!)

Chapter 2: What better way to get used to all the new mechanics than by fighting our dragon mom? When she engaged with Sigurd she hit like a TRUCK! Vander was hanging on by a thread after blocking attacks for me. Framme, sweetie, you’re adorable but you hit like a marshmallow! Clanne, my little dude, meanwhile was out here getting a dozen crits. It really is adorable how much Lumera wants to be with Alear again. I can’t imagine how it must feel like, waiting for 1000 years for your beloved child to wake up so you can talk and eat and spend time together again. I’m so weak to family stuff….

Chapter 3: We start the chapter with interest dream/flashback(?) of red Alear. Ooooh creepy grin there. MOTHER NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! It’s too soon!!!!! I know I know people will say we’ve only had her for one chapter but like I said I’m super weak to family stuff. I also was plenty attached to Mikoto back in Fates too. Also it was Alear’s voice acting that really sold it. Like WOW that was some incredible work to sell me on Alear’s grief. I actually looked up male Alear’s version of this scene and that destroyed me! Getting a bit ahead of myself, first off battle! And we got three new friends in Etie, Boucheron, and ALFRED 😍😍😍😍 As I said in another post, I really did think Diamant would be my man but Alfred showed up and said “remember how much you love the earnest sweethearts”? Boucheron is sweet and was a decent tank, I really like the whole backup mechanic. Etie is out here testing my notorious luck with archer units but she’s cool so I’ll try my best with her! And Alfred my main man!!! I actually didn’t get to use him that much this map 😂 But I already fell in love with the bits of his personality he showcased. Anyways, hello there mysterious murderous hooded girl!

Chapter 4: The Somniel is a gorgeous place! I love that it’s so pretty and bright to look at but also not as annoyingly big to explore like the monastery was in 3H. Firene’s battle map music is so pretty I love just taking my time through this map as I listen to it. We get more pals in this newest chapter in the form of Celine, Chloe, and Louis. Celine is so good and she was terrifying when I engaged her with Celica. I love Pegasus units and Chloe was a great addition to that group, especially with her dodging. And Louis was SUCH a good tank, I love that armored units have the special gimmick of being immune to break! Also the Alfred-Sigurd combo was amazing, my man is just galloping across the map! We end the chapter getting our item and weapon shops, AND we our time rewind mechanic! Heck yeah! And we meet the mysterious little Veyle who saved our ass! I really love her swan look it’s cute!

Chapter 5: Gasp! A wild living Fire Emblem mother! With a name and face too!!! And we meet mystery evil lady Zephia! I really appreciate the change up to the way chests/locked doors work in this game. Anyone can open a chest without needing a key or ability and similarly if you can just break down locked doors. As someone who hated using keys because I consider them a waste of inventory slot, I love the change! And while I love the units with special lock picking abilities I’m glad this game made it so that you’re not forced to make/use one. We got ourselves a clothing shop and blacksmith to join us on the Somniel! A shame the outfits are only for the Somniel. Speaking of the Somniel I got to play around with the features in the ring chamber and the polishing mechanic is funny. The bond ring gacha is a fun little thing and I am glad it strictly only uses in game currency. Plus, SOMMIE!!!!!!!! Tiny adorable puppy looking baby!!!! That I can feed and pet and dress up!!!!! I named it Benji for this run but when I get to my main run I’ll stick with Sommie as the name.

Paralogue 1: FUCK YEAH!!! New villager unit!!! Listen I know villager units tend to be a pain in the ass to level up and use but I adore them to death! And not a single one of them has failed me yet! Jean is so adorable, a tiny little doctor in training who is ready to punch! I like that they make him ready and able to heal from the start so it’s not as bad to train him as it would typically be with his unit type. And bless, when I saw this map was a “keep the villagers safe” one I was already getting ready for the headache. But Jean and his dad did a good job keeping the villagers healed on my behalf, leaving me free to kick ass and take names. Also why did Firene abandon all the British people on this one island? 😂

Chapter 6: Yunaka is so funny! I love her energy, her voice mimicking thing, the way she’s blatantly hiding being a killer, her silly quotes and puns. And she’s a thief unit too! I really like the whole “thieves’ daggers have poison” thing. Pain in the ass to get hit by but really nice when dishing it out myself! Also we get Micaiah this time and holy shit does she provide a healing boon! Our very first fog of war map of the game and I didn’t make too many dumb mistakes! Heck yeah! Nothing much to say for this chapter, a straightforward map and funny story content. Ooh and we meet again Veyle! Why are you randomly here? Oh and after the map went back to the Somniel and got the Three Houses bracelet! Dimitri my gentle hearted baby boy, so good to see you, I missed you!!!!!🥹🥹🥹🥹 And Claude, hi there!!!😄 Oh and I guess you’re here too Edel 😒

Paralogue 2: Ahh here’s our latest Anna! And unlike the last game she actually gets to take part in supports! Interesting that they made her a little kiddo this time around. Also I looked up her growths, why the heck is she an axe user if her magic growth is that good???? Welp I mean she’s been doing pretty okay with her axe regardless for me since she’s actually been coming through on getting strength for level ups. But I had to restart this map a couple times because I couldn’t keep this girl alive. She takes hits like tissue paper…But I like how spunky she is!

Chapter 7: We hop on over into Brodia and Alear nearly gets shot in the head along the way. And we get to meet Alcryst! The way his whole apology is so completely at odds with the pretty cool way he’s introduced was hilarious! Also his retainers are so pretty!!! Alcryst is another bow user but he’s also a crit machine for me. Alcryst: “I’m sorry I am such a pathetic failure 😞 *massacres a dozen enemies* Why am I so useless?” Lapis is really good at dodging and pretty speedy too! Citrinne is so pretty looking and magic wise she’s fine but my Clanne is honestly more solid, but my gosh she can NOT take a hit! I mean yeah she’s a mage but even by mage standards my girl can’t be hit. Looks like we get to meet the circus crew for this battle! Hortensia seems interesting so far, kinda bratty from the looks of it. Goldmary’s personality was not what I expected like she seems soft spoken but she’s also sounding kinda rude too? Everything about Rosado is great from his pretty hair to his adorable wyvern to his utter confidence in his cuteness. And ooh Hortensia has an evil version of an Emblem? I wonder what-*sees that it’s Lucina* FREE MY DAUGHTER YOU CIRCUS FREAKS!!!!!! Luci, baby, don’t you worry mama’s gonna save you!!!!! Taking a peek at Lucina’s abilities and geez that shit’s terrifying. I was so careful with how my units were advancing because I did NOT wanna get hit by everybody and their mother with Lucina’s special ability. We didn’t get to free my baby girl in the end 😡😡😡😡 I’ll save you Lucina I swear!!!!!!

Chapter 8: Oh so Veyle is looking for a missing sibling huh? Okay I already can tell where that little plot point is going! We get to meet Diamant, a handsome lad for sure! Sorry Diamant I really was gonna make you my main beau but Alfred has stolen my heart! But since I’m saving Alfred for my main run I’ll still S support you for this run! You know assuming none of the other fellas catch my eye more. We also get to meet Diamant and Alcryst’s dad, Morion, who was definitely NOT what I was expecting. I do like that despite Alcryst being so self deprecating and all that it doesn’t look like it comes from a lack of love/parental favoritism. We also obtain our boy Roy along the way! And he’s got some nice goodies for us as an Emblem! I love how hard they’re leaning into the fire stuff. And geez this is the chapter of introductions huh, now we’re meeting Ivy and her squad. Ivy looks super pretty and super spiky too! I like how she rides her wyvern side saddle. And she’s got a red version of my son Leif, so you know I’m gonna kick her ass to save him! Kagetsu looks adorably out of place compared to how goth Ivy and Zelkov look but I love how cheerful he seems! Speaking of what an *interesting* gimmick Zelkov has going on. And shit here we go with another intro from Amber, one of Diamant’s retainers! What a….goof. Seriously he’s such a weird little goof from the introduction onwards. Diamant himself hits hard, and I do love me some swords. Gotta say of the three Kagetsu was the scariest. A promoted unit and that stupid crit level of his!!! But we managed to get my boy Leif back and I am sooo eager to use him I love Leif so much! And from the sneak peek I saw of his abilities he looks like fun! I really like how the ending scene shows Diamant is just as nervous as Alcryst but in a different way. But yeah, Morion is TOTALLY getting his ass killed. Also yeah, why can’t I become a dragon Intsys?!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!?!?!?!

Chapter 9: Yup what did I say about Morion? Well he might not be DEAD dead just yet but I have little hope for him. Also wow was NOT expecting Hyacinth to be a punchy dude. And WOW dick move making Ivy have to get herself killed to buy you time to escape…We get Diamant’s other retainer in this chapter in the form of Jade, and she looks and sounds super cool! And she also was stealing a bunch of experience from my squad until I could reach her and recruit her 😞 Kagetsu was once again the scariest fucker of this map but my boy Alfred crit his ass to oblivion! That’s my sweet flower prince!!! Nice of Alear to let Ivy and her squad escape with their lives. Just as it was nice of Ivy to tell us where to go!

And so that’s where I am, waiting for the chance to continue with chapter 10 onward. Haven’t been able to set aside the time to play, which I am so annoyed about because I am really having fun playing Engage and want to continue. All I’ve been able to do since finishing chapter 9 was getting the update and just working on some supports, leveling up, bond ranks…That stuff.

Anyways that’s all I have for now! Hopefully will get to update with my thoughts for the next chapters soon!

#story time with me #fire emblem engage #fire emblem engage spoilers #the divine one engages across elyos #I wanna play engage 🥺🥺🥺 but life is being shit #but I will continue soon!!!!! #until then yeah these are my thoughts on the first group of chapters

[ardent-fox]

✨️💙 Macy Tag Game 💙✨️

Thank you to the lovely @celestialmickey for creating this tag game and to my dear @energievie, @shameless-notashamed and @imikhailotakeyouian for tagging me, 🫂 to each of you! ❤️

Your name: Lyds

Your age: 34

Your height in cm: 175

You’ve been invited to game night. You have to bring one drink, one snack, and one game. What do you show up with? Gin, chip & dip (or chocolate chip muffins if we're going for homemade stuff ) and Drinkopoly 😁

Last dream you remember: I was in my old elementary school (but felt closer to high school age) with Mickey as my desk mate and we hated each other. Until he looked at the chocolates in my schoolbag with a 🥺 face and I asked him if he wanted any, he took 4 and thanked me so nicely that I half-jokingly blew him a kiss. He kept staring at me in that confused puppy dog way, like he had no idea what kindness looked like and I felt so bad for arguing with him earlier that I reached across the desk for his hand and pressed it to my lips, giving it a kiss. Then the teacher noticed we weren't paying attention in class and asked me where my notebook was, and Mickey pulled one out of my bag and tossed it to me in an attempt to help me, unaware that it was actually a book of my smutty writings. The teacher grabbed it and started reading it out loud as the two of us howled with laughter, which is how I woke up 😄

Last book or fanfic you read: The wonderful Watching by @metalheadmickey. I am still trying to get my health in check so I can improve my cognitive functions and be able to read and write for longer periods of time, the progress is very slow but it's there.

A song you can’t stop listening to: Sleep Forever by Portugal. A Man 🎶 It's the song that plays in 4x11 when Ian kisses Mickey on the head in the street after the coming out fight, in love with the lyrics and melody progression and have been blasting it for days.

A tattoo you’d get right this second: Love tattoos on others, but not really into getting one myself, at least not at present time. Maybe in the distant future after I've experienced more of life.

Favorite season and why: Spring child through and through. Love the longer days, mild weather, plant life and hedgehogs waking up, celebrating birthdays and wedding anniversaries in my family at that time, being able to go on daytime walks after work and picnics/field trips over the weekend... It's always been just a really happy time for me ☺️

A place you’ve never been but want to visit: It's really hard to pick one because there are so many, been really feeling the Nordic Region lately, particularly Sweden.

Are you the eldest, middle, youngest, or only child in your family? Eldest, have one younger sibling.

Describe yourself in three (NICE) words: Loyal, passionate, open-minded.

Not that good at keeping track of whether you completed this or not, but tagging @sisitrip @vintagelacerosette @grumble-fish @ianandmickeygallavich @sluttymickey @gallawitchxx @sickness-health-all-that-shit @chicanomick @metalheadmickey @bravemikhailo @tsuga-of-mars @friend-bear and anyone else who sees this and wants to play!

Happy Friday to all! 💙✨️

#tag game #fandom friends

[alexiethymia]

these proustian moments

fandom: 初恋 | First Love Hatsukoi (TV 2022)

pairing: noguchi yae/namiki harumichi

summary: the smell of lilac flowers. stargazing with the constellations on your face. your arms tight around me. the taste of a cigarette-flavored kiss. and a sad song I almost forgot.

all the ways in which I remember you

"Once in a while when I wake up, I find myself crying. The dream I must have had I can never recall, but the sensation that I’ve lost something lingers for a long time after I wake up"

-your name

v. smell

Yae has always loved purple lilacs.

She knows this. But as with most things in her life, she can’t, for the life of her, remember why.

She searches her memories – what’s left of it anyway – but can’t seem to ever find them there. Sensei had always gifted her red roses, from Tsuzuru, pink carnations. On a whim, she searches their meaning – first emotions of love, hatsukoi – and can’t understand the overwhelming ache she feels in her chest.

In those early days, she might have thought it was because of Sensei, but that life is a distant memory to her now. It doesn’t hurt her, can’t even compare to the sob she feels rising up her throat at the first scent of that beautiful bouquet.

why

It’s so painful but like a fool she takes a deep whiff anyway, breathing it all in, hoping that it cleanses her lungs. She can’t help it, she likes what she likes (even when it caused her pain – father, sensei, and…)

She knows that she’ll find purple lilacs in the blank spaces of the jigsaw puzzle that is her life – if only she was brave enough or fool enough to take the plunge.

She doesn’t jump (at least not yet) but at the edge she smells a whiff of…tomatoes? And pasta? Napolitan.

It goes perfectly with shrimps so she adds plenty.

Delicious, if she can say so herself. Or maybe, she thinks as she gazes at the man in front of her and smiles. Meals are always better when you’re not alone.

vi. sight

Yae has always loved stars.

She remembers countless night skies, of stargazing, of pretending that the city lights were stars on the ground when the sky was too polluted to see clearly, that it shouldn’t matter anyway, those nights she can no longer remember.

(and yet)

It was a comfort to gaze at those solitary lights in the sky, to know that even something so lonely could still shine so beautifully bright. Here on this grassy knoll she could look into the past, even if it was not her own. Somewhere up there, noguchi yae was tetherless, floating aimlessly out in space.

She wakes with a dream half-remembered. That is usual for her. What isn’t usual is that on this certain day, at this certain time, she wakes to constellations inside an old laundromat. How strange.

Eventually the constellations take shape in the form of a man. Oh, it must have been his beauty marks which put her in the mind of stars. And yet, she must still be groggy from her nap for the next thought to take hold – how beautiful.

He was crying, a solitary tear marking a shooting star’s path down his face. She did not know why and for what, and yet she still wanted to grieve with him. She remembers when she first beheld Tsuzuru, glancing at his grown-up self walking in front of her. She remembers joy. And side-by-side, the feeling of loss. Perhaps like her, he was grieving for lost wishes.

He was Tsuzuru’s friend, kind Namiki-san who fixed her washing machine and probably saved her life in the process. Nothing more and nothing less.

and yet

Like Mars, she finds herself drawing nearer, ever closer and closer.

To her surprise, he draws closer too.

But no matter how near Mars comes to Earth, they will never touch.

Just like stars.

‘What about binary stars?’

She reads the text and thinks carefully before answering.

‘They’re bound to and gravitationally orbit around each other.

But they’ll never touch.’

She focuses on those three dots with laser-marked intensity. But he doesn’t reply.

This is enough.

Somehow, it’s less lonely with him next to her on this grassy knoll. Even if she has to fix her gaze firmly skyward just so she doesn’t make a mistake.

“You know…” And first mistake made, she looks directly at him.

“About what you were saying earlier about binary stars, I read something called a contact binary. They’re binary stars who are so close together that they touch. They’re supposed to be really rare. Either they end up merging to become one or exploding into a supernova.”

She laughs to avoid crying, and tries to ignore the minute point where their fingers touch. Two stars at first contact.  “Since when did you become such an astronomy expert?”

He smirks and it lifts his beauty mark slightly. Yae trembles, wanting so badly to touch it. “Since thirty minutes ago when you invited me to visit Mars.”

She wants so badly. To touch each mark, to trace, to complete an entire orbit around his face and find all of the hidden corners and to feel his cheeks when he smiles.

She wouldn’t mind bursting into a supernova as recompense.

She must have had nights like this, of someone’s warmth beside her and looking at a sky too small to contain everything. Of getting lost in city lights but a presence there to tether her regardless. Deeper and deeper the black hole in her heart sucks everything in.

As the night ends or the dawn begins, the feeling grows. She can’t explain it, this restlessness, this foreboding feeling tipping her over the edge, that something will go wrong.

And as usual for her, Yae runs.

But she can’t escape.

This should have been enough.

They were never supposed to touch.

No, she wasn’t meant to have been in his orbit in the first place.

Because he already has a fixed star, and Noguchi Yae is, once again, cut adrift and left tetherless.

She shouldn’t have wished for more.

iii. touch

Yae has always loved the cold. 

She was as any true-born Hokkaido girl as can be.

Which is why she should have been able to shake off this chill freezing her bones, locking them in that she can hardly move.

What was wrong with her?

She should have wanted to see him. Just to see him.

(She doesn’t want to see him.)

She wants–

His arms tight around her, so intertwined that she no longer knows where she ends and where he begins, his fingers threading through her hair and cradling her face, looking at her as if she was life itself. She can’t place where his hands are at any given moment because they are restless on her, aflutter and anxious to touch every part of her he can reach. Safe, safe, safe.

She had never been held like this before. Sensei had always held her precisely as if he was handling one of his instruments. Eventually his arms had felt like cages.

The closest she can compare it to is Mama’s hugs or Tsuzuru’s when he was still just a child. Rather, it must have been her who held Tsuzuru so tightly like this. A family member’s all encompassing love. 

But none with such desperation, as if he’d lose her if he let her go, as if he wished with all his heart that they could just merge to become one star just so no one had to leave ever again.

again?

Oh how shameful. It only took this warmth for the ice to melt and drip from her eyes onto his face. And now that she’s started, she can no longer stop. At this rate, would her heart eventually thaw too?

Later, she has the chance to meet his family. They’re lovely people but she wonders who his sister sees when she looks at her.

As if a forgotten reflex she shapes family with her hands. She stares at them as they stare at her, wondering how she could have known to do that.

She has no memory.

For whose sake did she learn this for?

She locks eyes with Namiki-san, hands trembling.

Still a little while later, when she is gone and has no way of knowing and Harumichi has finished explaining himself, Yu shouts at her beloved brother the only way she knows how, with as much movement as she can muster to give shape to her utter incredulousness at her brother’s stupidity. She doesn’t hold back with Airu asleep.

‘I know already. You don’t have to call me an idiot because I know I am one,’ he signs with an exasperated huff. Yu wants to say more but hesitates when she sees how his hand clenches and unclenches unconsciously, as if clutching at something unseen.

Yu knows all about phantom pain. Sure, it’s not as if she actually lost her ears, but sometimes she catches herself wondering if it would have been less painful had she been deaf from the beginning. Did it hurt more when you never had it? Or was it more painful to have lost it after having it?

Her brother is weighed down by guilt undeserved, for those he thinks he couldn’t save, her and Yae.

She likes Tsunemi. She thinks she’ll be good for her brother, that eventually she can banish those shadows. Yu doesn’t want to see those haunted eyes anymore. And yet, as if  unconsciously, she signs ‘she remembered’.

Yu flinches at the pain she sees in her brother’s eyes before he closes them and looks away at some faraway place.

She recognizes this look. She’s seen it before countless times when her onii-chan would unconsciously track every passing mother and her children, or the way he’d sometimes look at her, Bonji and Airu when he thought they didn’t notice. A deep longing that couldn’t be filled.

Onii-chan and her, they were family. Family was there for each other, through thick and thin, against raging rivers and bullies alike. She knew that her brother’s heart was fit to bursting with love for his family, but there was a hole there that even they couldn’t fill, she knew that.

Tsunemi is family.

But, Yae was once family too.

And she’d never seen onii-chan look at Tsunemi this way.

Yu sees her brother laugh and though she can’t hear him sob, she can see the tears at the corner of his eyes well enough. Smiling sardonically at her, he signs, ‘I saved her. I saved her this time, Yu. I wasn’t too late.’

Looking at his fragile state as if ready to break to pieces at any moment, and not because of a back injury, Yu prays that it doesn’t happen again, that her stupid, honest and lovable onii-chan never ends up being too late ever again.

She fears what’ll happen to him if something happens to her. She won’t be able to take losing her one and only precious older brother.

She puts her fear in a box and hides it deep in her chest. What else can she do as a younger sister, but tell him proudly, ‘good work’.

Yae thinks that Namiki-san’s touch is heavy. It must be for her to still feel the impression of his touch days after he saved her.

She doesn’t mind.

She is drowning in guilt that she doesn’t mind, that she wants to treasure this memory.

Even his hand on her arm pulling her back is heavy. She wouldn’t be able to escape even if she tried (even if she wanted to).

And heavier still, is the touch of his lips on hers.

ii. taste

Yae has always loved mints.

She would chew on them constantly as if chasing away a certain flavor.

And as with most things in her life that she loves, she can’t remember why.

Something is telling her to pay attention. This is important it tells her. If you hide, if you let go, you’ll never get it back.

Her heart is missing pieces and she’s afraid to look inside because what if it’s just a hollow container. There will be no ballerina dancer waiting when she opens it. She doesn’t even know where or when to look for the pieces she lost.

But on a certain day, at this certain time, up on a mountain and underneath the stars, a puzzle piece clicks into place.

Ah, it was this taste she was searching for, even if she didn’t know she was actually looking.

(call it flavor)

If this feeling inside her chest had a scent, it would smell of lilac flowers.

If this feeling inside her heart that she doesn’t dare name had a taste, it would taste like bitter cigarette smoke.

For the longest time Yae had been cold. She thought she was fine with that, but Namiki-san was a flint while she was a stone and he lit sparks in her when they collided.

When their lips move together, she ignites like a supernova.

-

But a supernova destroys everything in its path, and a star is already dead, a shadow of itself. Eventually, it has to fall.

Yae has long stopped making wishes on shooting stars.

When she inhales cigarette smoke, it only makes her cough, choking her. How bitter.

If lies had a taste, they would be sweet and cold, like ice cream.

How funny, the ice cream she’s eating only taste like ashes in her mouth as she tells him that it’s a mistake to move forward.

She’s a stone. She’s fine with never moving from this place. She is.

She has to bite back tears when he apologizes. Stop that. She was made of sterner stuff than this. She had given up something (someone) much more precious than this.

Could a heart survive breaking to pieces twice?

The ice cream reminds her of every dessert and meal of when her father had given her the best parts. But never did he give her or her mother the best parts of himself. That’s how she finds her resolve, because no matter how she feels, she never wants to do to his star what was done to her mother.

She sounds lovely, the woman he’s set to marry. There is so much care in his voice when he talks about her that the dull aching in her chest doesn’t matter at all.

She’s fine with being a transient stop on his way to his final destination.

It takes a brave man to force her to face her cowardice. It takes Otaro-san trying so hard even with failure, with shame, with embarrassment, to get her to admit that even if she is only a transient stop, she still wants their encounter to have been a meaningful one. She doesn’t want him to forget her and she doesn’t want to forget him.

She’s sick of forgetting.

She is no stranger to shame. She could stomach anything, bear anything because of Tsuzuru. That love weighed heavier than anything that nothing else mattered. So she can be brave for him too. And for herself.

If regret had a taste, it would be salty, like napolitan mixed with tears.

It turns out a heart can survive after breaking countless times after all. Her pitiful heart was strong, or at least pretended that it was.

But she’ll still see him off with a smile. Because this was a fated encounter and he changed her life, and in her memories that’s how she wants to remember the both of them.

Thank you.

I love you.

i. sound

Yae has always loved music.

Even when she felt lost, music was her compass back to herself.

Her love only grows deeper when it brings her closer to her son.

That a combination of notes could thrum heartstrings was always magical to her.

Music, especially from far off lands, was the closest she would ever feel to soaring.

That she likens Namiki-san’s voice to music should be no cause for concern.

It’s just that, the first time she hears his voice, it had sounded so familiar, like the forgotten lyrics of a song you used to love.

Déjà vu. She’s been here before, heard her name get called by that voice countless times. It’s the same, but also not quite, like a beat that’s slightly off.

She’s confident she can know him by his voice alone, place him anywhere in a crowd.

(At this point, she had no way of knowing that Harumichi had picked hers out of a sea of radio waves, a needle in a haystack. He’d known her even then.)

At first she was fine with texts, but then she began to get greedy. Cellphones were magical tools. They could so easily connect hearts. When she reads about what flying is like for him, she hears his voice clear as if he was speaking right next to her ear. She swears she could feel herself flying alongside him.

But no one told her that music could also make her crash like an airplane or a meteor falling to earth.

She’ll never get to hear this voice again, talk to him again.

He wishes her happiness, and though Yae can’t imagine how, she promises she’ll try.

Our last kiss had a tobacco flavor.

It was a bitter and painful fragrance.

One by one, the puzzle pieces she’s gathered,

I wonder where you’ll be tomorrow at this time

And who you’ll be thinking about

click into place.

How could she have forgotten…

The most important…

Now it’s still a sad love song

Until I can sing a new one

She’s been called by that voice countless times before.

Noguchi. Noguchi-san. Yae.

A cocksure voice, brimming with kindness. A deeper timbre, more formal but no less kind.

An undercurrent that he had always imbued her name with and yet only now (too late) does she notice.

Noguchi-san

She wishes – on shooting stars and birthday candles – to hear him call her Yae once more. Even if he’s no longer here to grant even her most selfish of wishes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s not the him of ten years later that she failed to meet. It doesn’t matter if it’s seventeen years later or twenty years later. She’ll wait just like he’s been waiting all this time. She’ll search for him on the path he laid out for her. And she’ll find him just like how he found her.

Harumichi, Harumichi, Harumichi

-

Tsuzuru means ‘to bring together’.

Notes are easy enough to bring together to form a melody, but maybe he can be like his mother too and bring together people.

When did he realize…?

The notes themselves were important but so were the spaces between. Sometimes you didn’t even need words.

He never saw them together since he first introduced the cool security guard to his mom, but in retrospect maybe he should have realized the obvious. Because Harumichi looked at his mother the same way he looked at Uta, but with pain he couldn’t even begin to fathom beyond his adolescent years.

He doesn’t want his mother to cry anymore. He wants someone to love his mother as much as his mother loves with her entire being.

It could be Harumichi.

But he never said anything.

So Tsuzuru couldn’t say anything either.

When Harumichi decided to leave, Tsuzuru was holding himself back from shouting.

‘Don’t you know how cool my mom is? When you come back someone else would have snatched her already. If all you do is keep making her wait then you don’t deserve her!’

But that wasn’t Tsuzuru’s choice to make.

So he pretends he doesn’t see her tears when a song makes her remember.

When his mom risks her life and limb (and his!) just to make it to the airport, that’s when he knew, she really was the coolest mom ever!

For bringing him and his first love together, the least he could do was reunite her with hers.

It takes too many years for his liking. Harumichi is hardly in one place at a time. For a while, he even vanishes. But when he eventually tracks the wily bastard to Iceland and even gets visual confirmation from Uta, he could almost sing and shout.

Instead he calls his mom.

o. sense

Yae has always loved Harumichi.

Even when she forgot him, yes even then.

Something in her had always loved him, something that couldn’t forget, maybe her very soul.

Icelandic winters aren’t any colder than Hokkaido ones but she’s perfectly fine where she is, cozy and toasty in Harumichi’s arms. There’s nothing frantic or guilty about him now. He looks like there’s nothing weighing him down. Simply put, he looks at peace.

When she looks at him, Yae remembers a passage from an English novel, about souls and what they were made of. Her mind is fuzzy as she thinks of orbiting satellites, steady and constant.  Of twilights and halfway points. Of a one in a six billion chance. She’s at peace too.

At her look, Harumichi squeezes her tighter and asks her wordlessly.

“It’s nothing…just, would you laugh at me if I told you I also fell in love with you at first sight?”

He smiles, teeth showing. “The first time or the second time?”

She huffs but lets him have it. He deserved it. They deserved this easiness after everything. “The second time.”

“Of course you did,” he replies while nuzzling the side of her head and bringing their noses together in an eskimo kiss, “I fell in love with you again and again every time I saw you.”

There are no flowers here, no color. Everything is white, or grey or blue as far as the expanse can be seen. She feels weightless like they’re in outer-space.

But the light shines on the ice turning it into glass, and the air smells clean. There’s a steady supply of corn potage to keep them warm. The both of them are listening to Tsuzuru’s new track on their old cd player when ‘U’ starts and as the familiar notes play, she turns and brings her arms around a familiar body. She knows it as well as she knows her own.

Her favorite scent. Her favorite taste.

A cigarette kiss to keep them both warm. As they open their mouths she feels her toes curl in her boots. He holds her tighter if that were even possible.

If there are tears in their eyes, she doesn’t see them. The wind is too cold here and turns them into flurries soaring and flying up to the sky.

When they separate, a mere hair’s breadth apart, Harumichi whispers against her lips, “Hey, would you laugh at me if I asked you to marry me here and now?”

My tears, silently trickling down my cheek

They tell me…

It turns out she can feel those tears after all. The cold is a shock to her system. Like a live wire she pounces on him with the snow cushioning their fall.

“Oof. Be careful, we’re not as young as we used to be. I don’t want to be rolled in a wheel chair to my own wedding,” he chides while brushing off snow drifts from her hair, and then threading his fingers through the strands.

“Speak for yourself,” she jokes with her tongue out. And well Harumichi can’t have that. She’s just too cute for words sometimes. Rolling them both over while cushioning her head, he kisses her deeply, like a man who’s loved her for over twenty years.

He doesn’t want to wait anymore.

It’s hard to kiss her like this when she keeps on giggling but Harumichi wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s always loved a challenge.

“Your mom would kill you if we got married without your family present.”

He shrugs.

“Fine, but I’m sure Yu definitely would.”

At that scary thought, he has to pause.

“We’ll get married back in Japan then. So would you? Please marry me so I can fulfill my long-held dream of having a beautiful flight attendant for a wife.”

‘So that I can fulfill my dream of making you happy, for the rest of our lives.’

Yae snorts from laughing so much, but Harumichi finds even that adorable. “Yes, of course. How could my answer be anything else? I didn’t chase you down here just to be a kept woman you know.”

There are no words for the happiness that Harumichi feels right now. It feels so much bigger than his entire body can contain. Rolling them over once again so that Yae lays on top of him, he just cradles her close, hugging her tightly and with the same feelings that once lovestruck boy felt when his first love had first said ‘yes’.

Later, they’ll head home together, perhaps warm up with a bath before making love with the stars as their only witness. At this same time tomorrow, the love of his life will be his wife, because there is absolutely no way he can wait. He’s getting a ticket first thing for the first flight back to Japan tomorrow. Hell, he’ll even fly the plane if he has to.

For now, on a certain day at this certain time, he imagines his first love in a wedding dress as pure and white as snow.

That this is my first love

I need you, I need you

#first love: hatsukoi #first love hatsukoi #first love #noguchi yae #namiki harumichi #jdrama #fic #fanfic #this was a perfect drama #someone put it best #a love letter to love #and this fic is a love letter to it #how to hyperfixate?? #write a fic about a series that already ended #but even if no one reads this #this is for me to let go of the words stuck inside my head

[i-myeoni-blogs]

WHAT IF ~ PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

"After almost 18 years, I never expected to return here. Before it actually happened, I didn't believe what I had heard about this location being enchanted and capable of hearing sorrow and emotions." The man gripped the wound on his stomach and coughed, blood streaming from his mouth.

His buff frame was ornamented with a number of wound sites that seemed like they were painted. He was slouching against the tree's bark, which some people claim is alive with emotion.

"Now that I've lost everything, I'm back, but I'm not sure what peace it brought me before. Right now, all I want is serenity; not a family, not love, not a friend. I was here for a reason: to save someone despite the cost of my life. I just had that as my driving force and I failed to do so. I have no idea how I'll survive after…. However, I am unable to harm myself since I swore an oath to never do that. So, here I am, sitting on this cliff under the same tree as I did 18 years ago, injured and powerless. I'll hand everything over to you now. I'll just lay down here and close my eyes. I want to rest, so please take me into your arms. I lived for someone else here; perhaps in another dimension I'll live for myself, or perhaps I'll get to meet Ele-."

Mars awoke panting, his eyes welling with tears, and his t-shirt wet to the point where it lined his features. "Again, the same place and the same man." He turned to look at his beeping alarm. "I suppose I should get to work now." Mars got up from his desk, where he was likely sleeping, and shut his monitor, groaning in stiffness as he stretched.

Fresh, warm water washed away the dreams he had this morning as it fell on his face. His left eyebrow had a visible cut that complemented his face's angular characteristics. Mars desired to unwind because he had been dreaming about the cliff and the man for about ten years and was still trying to figure out who he was. And why is Mars having this dream? The warm contact caused his body to relax. "Tell me who you are; I want to know you."

The weather outside was a bit chilly forcing Mars to tighten his muffler around the neck. Taking his own bike would be suicide in cold windy weather so he opted for the public bus, telling the driver to stop when ‘West College of Arts and Music’ arrived. He plugged his earplugs and rested his head on the window, playing ‘Paper Crown’ from Alec Benjamin on the phone. He didn’t know why he felt familiar but there was something about the song that always connected him.

The bus halted in front of the West College of Arts and Music's imposing iron gates. The location is so huge that it mesmerizes everyone who passes by, whether they are seeing it for the first or nth time. The driver used the horn and yelled the college's name. Mars gave the cash and exited the bus.

He said, "Let's do this," and entered. Students were chatting loudly as they moved about the campus, discussing their days or recent assignments.  Everyone appeared to be wealthy and well-dressed, which supported the assertion made by the townspeople that West College is a place for the selected few. 

Mars walked straight to the Dean's office while puffing out a small air cloud. "Welcome to the West College of Arts and Music, Mars Are you prepared to meet your students?" Dean asked, grinning. "I apologize for having to call you immediately."

"No, there is no issue; it is good to be back."  The Dean smiled and escorted him to the second-floor literature room; the class was too quiet to be true. "I believe the infamous group has not yet arrived." Mars gave him a perplexed look.  Generally speaking, literature majors are cool under pressure, but certain students—who happen to be the finest in the college—are just too talkative.

"Dean." A voice interrupted them as they attempted to enter the corner room.

"That's Wade, the most vocal one." Mars looked down at the panting kid. He seemed strangely familiar to him.

From the stairs came the sound of several footsteps, and there they were—a taller boy and a girl. The class's troublesome trio.

"You're running late." The dean declared.

"Well, it seems." They moved carefully up to the dean. "You see, Dean." While Mars's gaze was fixated on the girl, the dean was concentrating on Wade. The taller one walked up to the door, but they didn't notice.

"We entered the classroom ahead of you,"  Wade yelled in jest, and the three of them hurried inside.

For a brief moment, Mars met the girl's eyes.

"El." He muttered, 

"These kids." Dean adored them.

At last, the Dean motioned for Mars to enter "Okay, students, please be quiet and take a seat." Mars's gaze is focused on Jinny.

"This is Mars, and Ms. Nada will not be taking classes as she is ill with typhoid. Mars will be teaching further classes; he was a student at this college, so please make him feel welcome."

"I'm Mars, and I hope we get along."

...

Chapter ~1

#creative writing #nightmare #college #past lives #cold weather #literature #writersofinstagram #my writing

[dimanique]

"Part of me would like to build a time machine, jump into it, and go back"

Singer, DJ, and composer Moby turned 55 years old

The nickname "Moby'' was given to Richard in honor of "Moby Dick", the novel by Herman Melville, who was his distant relative. As a teenager, the American musician played guitar in anarcho punk bands and studied philosophy at university.

"This train was my lifeline to New York, the most amazing place on the planet. I hated the suburbs. I was poor, strange, and into punk, living in this wealthy, conservative suburb, and this train, without exaggeration, saved my life and made me who I am."

In the late 1980s, Moby moved to New York - one of the centers of the emerging house culture.

"I was born in New York in 1965, on 168th Street in Harlem... All the time I was growing up, I dreamed of returning to New York. And only in the late 80s did I finally return and settle in an apartment on the Lower East Side. The city was full of drug-related gangsters, and people were dying all around. The rent was cheap, nightclubs were everywhere, hip-hop was booming, and house music was just starting to develop. Techno was something entirely new. The rave scene appeared, and young clubbers were still innocent. New York was ugly, dirty, beautiful, degenerating paradise."

Moby became a popular DJ at hip-hop and house parties that were starting up in New York clubs.

"There was a place called 'Mars' where I first got behind the decks. At that time, I didn't know that to get a job as a DJ, you had to already have DJ experience and know enough cool guys who had connections to those who hired DJs. I stood in line and gave my demo tape to the club's HR girl. On one side was a hip-hop mix, on the other was a house mix. She handed the tape to the guy who hired DJs. He called and offered me my first DJ job in New York. This allowed me to move to New York and helped me secure my first record deal."

His debut single "Go," released in 1991 with samples from "Twin Peaks," became an anthem of dance music, and the single "I Feel It / Thousand" entered the Guinness Book of Records as the fastest track in music history - with a bitrate of about 1000 beats per minute. Moby recorded remixes of songs by Michael Jackson, Pet Shop Boys, Brian Eno, Depeche Mode, Erasure, The B-52s, and Orbital. In addition, Moby reworked the theme of Agent 007 for the 1997 Bond film "Tomorrow Never Dies".

The fifth album "Play" (1999) sold more than 12 million copies and became platinum in two dozen countries.

"Perhaps this will sound banal, but working on "Play", I just wanted to record an album that people would like."

Moby always named "Natural Blues" as his favorite track on "Play". It is based on the Negro song "Trouble So Hard", recorded in 1937 by Vera Hall. At first, sales were sluggish. Radio stations refused to play the non-standard performer, and the music press didn't write about him.

"These were very painful and disappointing two years [working on the album]. I was dissatisfied with the songs, their mixing, and production"

Moby played "Play" in the basement of a music store. Danny Boyle used "Porcelain" as the soundtrack for his movie "The Beach". The film was a success at the box office - everyone wanted to see DiCaprio, who appeared on the screen for the first time after "Titanic". "Extreme Ways" plays in the credits of all five spy action movies about Jason Bourne.

"There's something liberating about huge success - you no longer have to try to achieve it. In the eyes of record companies, critics, and other people, anything you do afterwards may seem like a failure, but I never counted on any success."

Moby is known for his inventive videos with unconventional storylines, often with animation.

"I started drawing characters in the mid-1980s, when I was about 18 years old. And every bag of records that passed through my cash register was painted with these cartoonish big-headed characters. It's just a modest caricature of myself as a little space bug."

Moby dubbed the lonely and abandoned main character the "little idiot". A mini-album and the musician's own label were named after him. Richard records all his music in a home studio. "Why does my soul feel so bad," which won many awards, created a stereotype about its author as desperate and misunderstood.

"I'm the only child in the family. I like being alone. I like performing alone and recording music. Tell me, who can stand a person who wakes up at three in the morning and starts writing music? That's why I'm still alone. It saves me from all kinds of drama."

On his latest album "All Visible Objects," Moby returns from ambient music to old club sound. He no longer considers music his main job and spends more time protecting animals. Moby has been a vegan since the 1980s. He has collaborated with the organization PETA ("People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals") and human rights activists from MoveOn.

"Now I am a sober vegetarian, practicing yoga, meditation, tourism, and I enjoy being healthy. But a part of me would like to build a time machine, jump into it, and go back to 1989 in New York, to the dirty and beautiful streets, to that dirty and beautiful paradise."

#en #Youtube