#I need to donate more clothes i don't have space

[malusokay]

2023 reset guide

Glow up

2023 vision board. Visualize your dream 2023 and write down your goals!

Daily Hot girl walks. No excuses, babes; let's get moving!

Reflecting on 2022. Look back at what you've accomplished and what you could have done differently.

Make a Bucketlist. Write down places you want to visit and things you want to do.

Extended self-care. Take some time to yourself to recover from the stressful holidays and get back on track. <3

Buy a good SPF. Do some research and find something that works for you!

Start Investing in yourself. Money, time, and energy. Put yourself first!

Annual check-ups. Make a dentist appointment, go to the optometrist etc...

Buy a Silk pillowcase. Protect your skin and hair!

Set clear boundaries. And make sure that people respect them!

Less screen time. Self-explanatory.

Manicure, lash lift, haircut. High maintenance to be low maintenance! ;)

Wellness

Daily vitamins. Visit a doctor to discuss which ones you should be taking for the best results.

Morning stretches. Wake up your body and drink some water!

Skin/hair care. It's time to find products that actually work for you.

Reading more literature. Set yourself a daily reading goal.

Planned grocery lists. Make a grocery list that aligns with your dietary needs and goals to make shopping less stressful. <3

Less coffee. Especially if you struggle with anxiety!!

More greens and protein. Let's give our body what it needs.

Journaling. Truly helps with overthinking!!

8 hours of sleep. Beauty sleep. <3

Cooking for yourself. Such a cute form of daily self-care.

Yoga. Or just any low-impact exercises in general.

Deep cleaning

Organizing your closet. Only keep things that make you feel beautiful.

Budgeting. Check your bank account and plan ahead.

Clean your hairbrushes. Trust me...

Donating clothes. Donate the items that you don't wear anymore.

Clean your make-up brushes. The first step to clear skin!!

Fresh sheets. Wash your pillows too.

Charge your electronics. IPad, Mac, Camera etc...

Get rid of expired make-up and skincare. Step 2 to clear skin, lol.

Declutter stationary. No need to keep dried-out pens.

Delete old emails. I currently have 1840...

Delete unnecessary apps. Anything you don't need.

Clean your camera roll. Making some space for new memories! :)

Cut out toxic people. <3

Mindset

Pretty, smart, kind, and prioritising myself.

Positive affirmations!!

Your daily habits play a huge role in your mood/life. Be mindful, and take care of yourself.

It's okay to outgrow people!!

Decide what kind of life you actually want and start saying no to everything that won't get you there.

"I'm attracting opportunities that align with my dream life."

A girl who will do big things can't let small things bother her.

Honestly, reinvent yourself over and over again until you are satisfied with who you are.

Do you want to be comfortable, or do you want to grow?

"Am I doing this for me, or am I performing for others?"

very high standards. VERY HIGH STANDARDS.

Be obsessed with yourself.

2022 has been such a life-changing year for me, not only personally but also regarding my social media! As I already said on Twitter, I'm incredibly grateful for this little community that has formed this year, and I'm excited for all the things that lay ahead of us! I wish everyone a successful 2023 with many beautiful moments and lots of growth!!

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

#2023 #manifesting #mindset #malusokay #glow up #new year #mental health #high maintenance #angelic #health and wellness #wellness #pink pilates princess #green juice girl #feminine aesthetic #light feminine #feminine energy #femininity #self growth #self love

[little-silly-bear]

How to bond with your stuffies

Hi kiddos! As you know stuffies are my special interests and I loved them since I can remember, my first stuffie was a tiny polar bear and I would never forget him. I thought that maybe I could share how I bond with mine, let me know if you like these tips and if you have more feel free to share it in the comments!

Pick the stuffie that you feel an instant connection with! I used to buy tons of stuffies just for aesthetic or to fill my room with them as a compulsive result of anxiety but when I stopped and I selected those that I felt connected with everything got better. Take it as choosing friends, having less sometimes it's better because you'll have more deep relationship

If you have stuffies that you never play with or don't feel a connection anymore, donate them! They'll be happy to be forever friends with kids that don't have much, kiss them in the head and send them to their mission, they'll be grateful of your kindness!

Now if you have a stuffie that you share a special connection with make a list for them, likes and Dislikes, favorite seasons, favorite foods, their dreams and their story before finding you! This will help you connect with them more and they'll feel seen by you!

Sleep with them for at least a week (I say a week because I rotate my stuffies to not make them jealous) they'll feel safe and important to you! If you don't have space you can make a mini bed next to yours using a shoe box and a blanket!

Understand their purpose! Every stuffie has a purpose, some are here to protect you from bad thoughts, others from nightmares and anxiety, others are here to help you stim, the possibilities are endless! Make a space in your journal with purposes and jobs and organize it with your stuffies! They're happy to help!

Include them in your life! I know that is not always possible but when you can you should try! Watching TV together, walking outside, baking cookies, having breakfast, Cartoons time, Sunday bath time, everything is a good opportunity to bond, they would love to be included give it a try!

Dress them! Sometimes they need to feel pampered too! You can buy some clothes for them or you can add glasses or a friendship bracelet! If you can't do any of these things just cleaning them and then brushing their fur would be an amazing act of love! Taking care of things is how we show love!

That's it for today! I hope you liked this post and if you have more ideas please please pleaseeeee share in the comments so I can use them too!! Have a fantastic day kiddos, I send you a big warm hug!!!

Remember that you CAN like and reblog but you CAN'T repost even with credits or use the tag #mine under this post!

#agere #sfw agere #age regression #ageregression #agere community #cglre #cglre community #mine #age regression community #agedre #agedre community #kidzspace #babyzspace #toddlerzspace

[snowdropluck204]

Join The Digital Age - Spencer x Streamer! Fem! Reader

So I had an idea of what Spencer would be like reacting to various different video games, what better way to react to games than with a significant other who is a know twitch streamer/gamer type! If people don't like the streamer route, I'll probably change it to just a casual gamer thing! This will probably be a fun little miniseries I write while I'm working on my longer Spencer series so the chapters on this might not be super long... Anyway! Enjoy! Xxx Divider: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Stardew Valley

Spencer pov

Coming home to (y/n) has been the highlight of my day for the last two months, since we moved in together. I knew vaguely what she did for a living, she told me she was a streamer, and apparently, quite a popular one. There have been multiple times, whilst out on a date, or just going to the store to pick up groceries, where (y/n) has been recognised, people freaking out over seeing her in person and wanting a picture, or a hug (I was quick to tell her how many germs she could get from hugging a stranger).

I thought it was nice, I knew roughly how much money she made, she always helped with rent, even if she didn't need to, she randomly bought me presents, whether they were cardigans, fidget toys for when I was on a case, or books that I had justified as too expensive to purchase for myself. She spoiled me, and if I was being honest, I was really enjoying it...

Living with a person for even a month, you walk in on various things, some are perfectly innocent, like when I walked in, exhausted after a week long case in New York. I had text (y/n) to let her know I was on my way home, it was late so I was expecting her to be in bed by that point, but she was up, in the kitchen, cooking dinner and waiting on me. Other things I had walked in on, like accidentally barging in on her in the shower (she still thinks I did this on purpose) were... Less than innocent.

One thing I had never walked in on, was (y/n) during a stream. Now her followers knew about me, in that they knew their favourite streamer was in a relationship and had recently moved in with him, they questioned why her background of her set up had changed so drastically, but they didn't know who I was as a person. (y/n) wanted me to keep my privacy as long as we could manage.

But she wasn't in a very secluded space, there wasn't a huge amount of space in my apartment, but we had made room in the living room for her desk and computers, I joked that it reminded me of Garcia's office, they would get along great. So when I entered our place (still gives me shivers calling it 'our' place), I hadn't text her to let her know I was on my way home, hoping to surprise her with take out and a few snacks for a movie night.

I walked in and was frozen, her face was lit up by three separate monitors, one showing her stream chat, one showing her set up prognosis and one with a pixelated game that I had never seen her playing before. She was a sight... She was all smiles, in comfy clothing, laughing at some of the messages, thanking people for following or donating and generally just being the happy ball of sunshine that I fell for in the first place.

But now I realised, her followers could see me entering the apartment in her camera...

(y/n) pov

I smiled as I tended to my animals and crops on my little farm. Hearing a familiar jingle, I looked at the chat monitor, to see that someone had donated five dollars, an automated message from an account called Babygirl79 being read by a chat bot, 'Hi (y/n)! I love your streams, Stardew is by far my favourite game so I was super happy to see you streaming it! Hope you have a good day!'

I smiled, "Aw, thank you so much Babygirl! Be honest, did you just send me that message so I would have to say baby girl on a live?" I giggled, "But I hope you have a good day too!" I went back to my game, making some small comments, but really just trying to keep the cosy, quiet atmosphere that came from playing this simple little farming sim.

Now, I had moderators for my chat, they were working through all of the messages and highlighting any that they wanted me to see in particular, but I still flitted my eyes over to that side of my desk every so often, responding to any messages that caught my gaze, so when I saw repeated messages of, 'Who's that behind (y/n)?', I got kind of nervous.

I turned my head sharply, seeing Spencer, trying to clumsily amble his way into the apartment without disturbing me, now that he realised that I was on stream and he was being recorded. I laughed, seeing him in all his fumbling glory, I turned back to the camera, "It's okay you guys, that's my boyfriend, he lives here." I mentioned sweetly. "Don't bother trying to find him on socials, he doesn't have any, he's a special lil cinnamon roll who doesn't like technology..." I whispered.

"I heard that!" Spencer guffawed from the kitchen, setting down what looked like Chinese food. I chuckled in response, raising a brow in a joking way to my face cam.

"Spence, if you want to, you can come over and say hi?" I offered, knowing that if he felt uncomfortable, he would say no. But surprisingly, he shuffled over, standing rather awkwardly behind my chair, resting a hand on the back rest.

"How many people are watching you playing a video game?" He asked, ever curious. I smiled at him softly, a silent 'hello' and 'welcome home', before answering.

"Right now? About a thousand people, but now that update 1.6 has come out, there's probably going to be a flood of people new to the game..." I mentioned casually. Spencer's eyes widened.

"How do you talk in front of so many people all the time?" He asked, gobsmacked.

I laughed, "You tell me hon, you just did!" I told him, seeing his cheeks reddening at the idea. "But honestly, I just try to be myself, I enjoy the games I play, especially this one!" I told him, and the camera.

Spencer watched the screen as I gave Linus a coconut, seeing the heart pop up above his head, "What exactly are you playing?" He asked quietly.

"It's a game called Stardew Valley, it's essentially a digital farm that you take care of, you can grow crops, adopt animals, make a butt load of money and products and talk to all the NPCs!" I told him with a smile, as I moved my character over to the mountain mines.

Spence tilted his head, "NPCs?" He asked.

"Non-player characters, AI from the game with a set list of dialogue and events." I told him, he nodded along as I explained. I explained that you can befriend and even marry the NPCs, by giving them gifts, how each gift has a different reaction from different villagers and the basic quests of the game.

I looked over at the chat, seeing all the messages, 'Spencer is so cute!', 'They're so cute together!', 'Would love to see them playing together!'. I chuckled at all the comments, mentioning briefly that Spence was a technophobe, leading to his comment of indignation.

Little did I know that later that weekend I'd be teaching him how to play the game, he went out and bought a laptop so he could sit at my desk with me.

Hope this was okay! I know it's short, but I hope you guys liked it, from the response of the poll, it looks like The Last of Us will be the next game we do! Also, should (y/n) meet Garcia?? Love you guys! Xxx

#cute #love #fanfiction #romance #x reader #comfort #open requests #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #fem reader #streamer reader

[jillianrose305]

IM BACK WITH MORE OBEY ME SH-

hello dearies~

So headcannons pt 1

I feel that 7 brothers have their own sectors of the devildom that are separate from the other 7 rings that they have control over. Like and in order .

Lucifer:

His area would have wine tasting places,hair salons/clothing stores,and places you can check what is out about you like what photos what rumors what truths. He definetly has a little vault in the castle of full files on Everyone.

Mammon:

Casino district. It's mostly Casinos,fancy bars,and Banks. But also there is job recruiting centers. Mammon has an office somewhere where he can check who has the most money,most debt,who donates the most,and who earns the most in a year. Tax collector mammon is a funny thought to me.

Leviathan:

Aquariums. His area is full of things to do with water but other then that he has motivational speeches and competitions. Leviathans office is at the Navy head quarters as he is the navy General. Other then that in his office he can acsess who has won the most and who has had the most success.

Satan:

Yes he does have bookstores in his district but he mainly has diffrent self defense classes,stuff like martial arts,and boxing or wrestling.id think he'd be the general of the army. In his office he has a record of who has committed what crimes. Once a month he gathers all the really bad people that took advantage of others and the whole devildom gets a chance to beat them up. Animals cafes for anger management classes.

Asmodeus:

So im assuming couple therapy,clubs,special shops..,and places to explore what you like. I can't really think of much for his district but probably places to make you love yourself. He has the files for everyone's romantic and sexual life's aswell as how they view themselves. Because self love is important.

Beelzebub:

His district is mainly the best restaurants and gyms although gluttony is over indulgence he is mainly food focused. He does have rehabilitation centers for addicts and people with eating disorders. He vusts the hospitals for children with mal nutrition it breaks his heart that some of them don't have any one to care for them. The files he gets are peoples eating habits but he doesn't read them unless asked too out of respect or if he gets a hunch and needs to check.

Belphagor:

Mattress shops. Tea shops,essential oils,places where you can't get comfy items from furniture to clothing. Definetly has a place like and im gonna space this out for copyright reasons. Bath.....🧸 and😃🎭 body....**** works. Basically places you can get stuff for better rest. He definetly has a few of those sleep hospitals so if you have any sleeping disorder they can try and help fix it for you. There isn't many files he gets other then people with sleeping disorders files or if people are having nightmares he reads those ones to help out. He does have a vault of every dream someone has ever had just incase a Psychologist made need them.

#obey me #obeymeswd #obey me scenarios #obey me x reader #obey me headcanons

[seraphsfire]

Life situation & kitty update! Help me stay in Seattle instead of being forced to go to wyoming

Hello! I was able to make rent this month, but so far I cannot make rent for next month.

Ko-fi has been holding donations since paypal has been flagging them as "income" so that no longer works.

If you would like to help me out using paypal, the link is HERE. I will look into other venmo and cashapp. you can also reach out for a commission! If you donated via paypal and would like me to draw you a little something in thanks, please let me know!

I also put together an AMAZON WISH LIST , most is things for the kitties or food and some non-essentials / self care things for the hell of it that are things i haven't been able to buy myself for a while. Other than rent, kitty supplies and food are what I spend most $ on.

More on what I'm facing and what my kitties need:

about the kitties:

My sweet kitty Jade, needs a steroidal shot for her dermatitis. She should have gotten another one on the 25th, but I had no money to take her to the vet and she started ripping her fur out and made big, golf-ball sized spots completely bald on her armpit and chest :'( We put her on benadryl, moisturized her, and gave her a little jacket thing to help but I can tell she's really uncomfortable and really needs a vet visit to get that. it's $80 just to visit my vet and i'm sure the shot could be anywhere from 10-40 dollars, I really don't know. She's not in danger of pulling huge chunks of fur out thanks to the little jacket but she's really not happy and it makes me so sad.

About my situation (kind of long, sorry):

My Parents (mostly my mom; it's very hard to get responses from my dad) gave me rent money for September, but then made it clear that she will no longer help me financially under any circumstance if I want to "choose" to live in Seattle, then I'm essentially on my own. She doesn't want to give me money because she doesn't want ours to be a "transactional-based relationship" (after spending my entire childhood having them pressure me to move out on my own)

My dad is convinced that since Seattle is a city, it is very unsafe (and too full of Democrats) and that we would be safer living in their small town of Pavilion, Wyoming--which is literally just like, a few very spaced out neighborhoods. The nearest actual town is a 30 minute drive, and it's not very big either, and I don't drive. I would be snowed in *with them* for 4+ MONTHS every year, and every summer unable to leave the house for weeks because of the heat.

My dad has told my sister and I that if we choose to live right next to them, where they could have complete control over our lives, they would even buy us a house--but because we're not doing that, they refuse to support us in the life we've chosen for ourselves. They do not see the cruelty in this and think we are being nonsensical staying somewhere like Seattle which is "dangerous" and they do not like that it is full of non-republicans. I came out as queer in 2016, something which they have never spoken about since. I would likely be the only (out) queer person for MILES, and I don't feel like being the guinea pig for whether the anti-gay people there are the kind who ignore you or the kind who will hatecrime/kill you (:

Since I'd be at zero in my bank account in wyoming, they would have complete control over what I eat (not fun since I have a messed up digestion), clothes I buy, where I go, and how I behave just like they did when I was a child, or they'll start taking things away hoping that "tough love" will work. (it just made me mentally ill lol)

If I start a job in a week and a half I might be okay, but if I can't start until after that I won't have enough for October rent. I have one interview coming up but the future is still very up in the air.

#people in need #signal boost #haha im scared #thank u

[khaire-traveler]

☀️ Subtle Medea Worship 🐍

Be kind to children; play with them if offered

Show appreciation to your loved ones; cook them a meal, bake them something, spend time with them, etc.

Play with your pets; spend time with them

Get a candle that reminds you of her (no altar needed)

Wear jewelry that reminds you of her

Keep a picture of her in your wallet

Stand up for yourself

Assert your boundaries; learn what your boundaries are; not all boundaries need to be spoken

Have a stuffed animal snake or sheep

Have imagery of dragons, snakes, the golden fleece, magic, or the sun around

Think of outside the box solutions to problems

Try to plan ahead; plan important things out; be prepared for mishaps; have a solid exit strategy

Take a walk/hike on a sunny day; bask in the sunlight

Ground yourself regularly; do so in nature in the sunlight if able

Prioritize your well-being; do not sacrifice yourself for others; take care of yourself first

Practice self-forgiveness; don't hold your past mistakes against yourself

Read the Greek Magical Papyri; research the history of witchcraft, especially in ancient Greece

Practice discreet witchcraft; maybe focus more on kitchen witchcraft to be subtle

Grow your own herbs; start a garden

Make a list of your personal strengths and points of pride; celebrate these things about yourself

Practice having a more nuanced view of both yourself and others; the world is morally grey; this is not a suggestion to keep or forgive shitty people for shitty things

Dance to music that makes you feel empowered, badass, or magical

If you have a partner, do something nice for them; take them on a date, spend time with them, engage with their interests, etc.

Drink herbal tea; engage with something relaxing as you do so

Keep a charm on your person; good luck, protection, positive attraction, etc.

Keep an evil eye charm for protection; place it in your space, wear a bracelet, hang one in your car, etc.

Support organizations that help single mothers, children, or domestic abuse survivors

Help out any new mothers in your life if you can

Donate children and baby supplies to homeless shelters; donate kids' toys and clothes

Feed neighborhood birds (with seed only please)

Do something you're passionate about

Engage in relaxing activities, especially after a long day

Take a warm bath or shower, especially with herbs; doing this as a cleansing activity after a long/bad day is also great

Keep your space clean; take care of your immediate environment

Make your space your own; maybe decorate with sun-shaped fairy lights or fake vines

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

Lave a glass of water mixed with some sugar and honey on your windowsill during the day; you can also leave a water mixed with salt/ocean water instead

Try to practice meditation if you can; practice mindfulness

Practice non-obvious divination methods; cartomancy, bibliomancy, shufflomancy, carromancy, aeromancy, etc.

Go cloud-watching or star-gazing

Learn what your limits are; remind yourself that rest is productive

Say no to helping someone if you're not feeling well enough to do so; you're not a bad person for looking out for yourself

Wear clothes that make you feel confident; try giving yourself compliments

-

This is my list of discreet ways to worship Medea! I'll likely add more later. For now, I hope you find what I have helpful. Take care, y'all! 🧡

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #medea #medea worship #paganblr #pagan tips #hero worship #deity worship

[azure-cherie]

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒂𝒎𝒏 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚

Pac Intuitive reading ♡︎♡︎♡︎

Use your intuition and choose one of the pictures above , take what resonates and leave the rest !

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 1 ♥︎

You're working towards your goals so that you can lead a better life, someone here is a little bit frustrated with a feminine figure, but you wanna be so good and do the best so that the feminine figure is proud of you .

Someone here does really cool photography or maybe art , maybe you have submitted a portfolio as well , some of you are working on it , it will give fruitful results.

You're removing your throat chakra blockages and planning to speck up for the one in need , when younger you may have been shunned a lot now you are speaking up against those who did you wrong.

Someone learns martial arts here , or maybe weight lifting I guess , or maybe you exercise, recently you achieved a goal or managed to pull up a lot of weight.

You are decorating your room making it a sanctuary, that is so good ! A beautiful place gives us so much more creativity!

Some things you might relate to : Cola , faraway, dancing in the dark , retro , queen , monster, ping pong , interviews , double roles , Polaroid , heart eyes , rose blush , buildings, Aries , Scorpio in 2nd house , destiny , life was a willow and it bend back to your wind , paper cups , plastic dolls , wind chimes.

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 2 ♥︎

You're studying and putting efforts day and night, an exam maybe coming up , you're going to ace it ! But hey please take care of your health you don't have to be so hard on yourself!

You are practicing journalling and trying to stay away from social media as much as you can which is great , you're curing addictions.

Some of you had anger issues or vengeance towards someone , you are understanding that the person is no longer your concern and you deserve the best .

Some of you are interested in the acting industry or modelling industry and you are practicing wholeheartedly for it . Someone here writes as well, maybe fan fics you're improving at it

You are accepting your sexuality, and letting go of guilt related to it , your sacral and heart chakra is in a healing phase .

Some things you might relate to : smiles , papers , coloured rooms, boxes , Darlin darlin stand by me , the colour purple, pride and prejudice, oath , light academia, money plant , island , dolls, fifth house stellium or Libra stellium, Birkin bag , chanel perfume , pearls , stuffed toys , pepperoni, burgers, delusion , fracture , mountains .

𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑒 1 ♥︎

Some of you are working on improving your spiritual abilities, Intuition, your trying to shift , your shifting will be happening if you keep putting efforts , do you own a shell keychain or something?

You're reading books to get smarter , not academic books but the ones to save yourself like "dark psychology" to save yourself from manipulation.

You might have been passive for a long time , now you are not taking actions but observing people around you so that you can get the best shot .

You're getting into your dark feminine energy, becoming coquettish, siren like . You are balancing your root chakra as well.

Some of you are doing charity or maybe helping your friends, feeding the poor or donating clothes , let me tell you, they are blessing you so much because of your kind heart .

Some things you might relate to : toxic boyfriend, bridges , tools , fire , thunder , potion, Fenugreek , horses , butterflies , prominent asteroid Neverland , Willy Wonka , sci-fi , retro futuristic aesthetic, sparkles , the colour turquoise, translucent, barista , crush by Richard Siken .

You know the only rule tell me if it resonates ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡

Thank you so much have a beautiful day/night ahead ♡︎

#tarot community #intuitive tarot reading #intuitive readings #pick a deck #pick an image #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a card #pac tarot

[hesbuckcompton-baby]

When You Know, You Know - Ronald Speirs x OC

Summary: A night of drinking with Valerie and the men leads Ron to realise that he's in much deeper than he thought

Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption/intoxication

Word count: 2.8k

Tags (Mostly using the taglist from the original fic): @50svibes @cagzzz107 @yentroucnagol @mads-weasley @mrsalwayswrite @dcyllom

A/N: This oneshot is building on from the characters/storyline established in my fic Just Come Home, which you can read in its entirety here. For those of you who have read it already, this is set roughly between chapters 5 and 6. Enjoy!

I can't even tell if this is good, I just needed to write for them again, I miss them so much

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I win again!"

"God dammit!" George Luz cried, throwing down his hand of cards upon the table as Valerie laughed, taking a sip of her drink and revelling in his distress. Easy Company had been in Berchtesgaden for almost a week, and already boredom was beginning to set in, remedied seemingly only by late nights of drinking, card games, and music which they had begun to host almost daily in the huge abandoned hotel at the end of the main street.

The huge dining hall was bathed in a low, golden glow, a refuge from the darkness outside, and a gramophone crackled away in the corner, playing record after record of German music only a few among them could understand. A few portraits of prominent officials hung on the walls - survivors of the initial scourge which had seen the men clear out anything of value - their faces vandalised beyond recognition, drooping unevenly on their hooks. The large, circular tables that had once hosted wealthy guests to the town were now used for rowdy games of all kinds, stacks of empty glasses growing taller by the hour.

It had been almost two hours since Valerie had found herself dragged into one of these games. The men had clearly thought her light competition, but in those two hours, not one of them had won a single round. As the night wore on, and she continued to prevail, they grew only more determined to continue, to find a hole in her strategy to exploit, to finally beat her, for God's sake.

"I mean, Jesus, I just don't understand it," Tab sighed, frowning as he poured himself another glass of whiskey, staring wearily at his own hand in the realisation that he never could have won. "How can you win every goddamn time?"

Val chuckled, patting him on the arm in consolation. "I think it might be time to call it a night, eh gents?"

Luz shook his head. "No. Nuh-uh. We're not leaving until I win."

"You better be careful you don't run outta money first."

Tutting, he reached into his pocket for some more cash. "You better donate this shit to a charity or something when you get home, God knows you don't fucking need it," He lamented, muttering something to himself about big fucking houses and rich fucking parents.

With a grin, she accepted her winnings, sliding the money into the pocket of the coat she draped over the back of her chair. It was not her own coat - none of Valerie's clothes were her own, all of them pilfered from the abandoned closets of rich German wives, fleeing in a hurry with their rich Nazi husbands. But in the grand scheme of things, she hardly felt guilty. "Pleasure doing business with ya, Georgie." Val teased, her tongue drawn between her teeth.

A wide archway separated the main dining room from the smaller, private hall next door - a more intimate space for what had once been the wealthiest of hotel guests, but which now belonged to the officers of Easy Company, a huge central table proving the perfect place for late night games of poker.

Ron stared at the unimpressive cards in his hand, suppressing a frown, his infamous stony gaze playing in his favour once again. He would not win this game, but as long as Harry continued to play as badly as he had so far, he would not lose either. The sound of laughter in the next room pulled his gaze - and there she was. Valerie's face flushed red as she laughed, her cheeks creased as she tilted her head back, George Luz chuckling beside her at whatever he had said that was so damn funny. He wasn't sure he had ever made her laugh like that - but Ron knew he wasn't a funny guy, not like Luz at least. A few months ago, he might have felt the inkling of insecurity bubbling in his chest, but not now. Despite all the things that made him seem so intimidating to the other men, it seemed Ron was stuck with Valerie whether he liked it or not.

He did.

The sound of someone noisily clearing their throat pulled his attention away from the next room, and as Ron looked across the table, he noticed Nixon staring straight at him, brow raised. "Hm?" He asked, mirroring his expression.

"You gonna take your turn?" Nixon asked. "Or you gonna keep staring?"

Ron decided not to acknowledge this second question, instead swiftly taking his turn, placing his cards down forcefully, as if making a performance out of it. He wasn't staring. Just... watching.

In the corner of the dining hall, the record that had been playing stopped with a crackle, and Valerie stood up to change it, sliding her cards into her pocket to prevent Luz from cheating. The man scoffed at the mere suggestion, but they both knew he wasn't above taking a peek. As she neared the gramophone in the corner, Chuck Grant came passing the other way, their shoulders brushing against each other as he headed back to his own table. "Ooh, Val," He spoke, stepping up behind her as she flicked through the box of records. "You gotta try this."

Looking up, she accepted the glass in his hand, stifling a cough after her first sip as the liquid burned her throat. "Oh, fucking Christ, what is that?"

"No idea. Malark's recipe - good though, right?"

"Good, but I think it'll kill me," Val confessed, flicking through the box of records with her free hand.

"That's the spirit," He chuckled, patting her on the shoulder before turning to return to his table. "Drink up."

She grinned as he left, taking another sip of Malarkey's dangerous concoction before selecting a record. Their titles had all been in German, so Valerie had been forced to make a decision based off of the covers alone, and as such was slightly taken aback when upbeat folk music came blasting through the gramophone's horn, although the men around her seemed too engrossed in their games to even notice.

Returning to the table, interrupting Luz and Tab as they talked strategy, she put down her drink, taking a seat. "What's that?" George asked, nodding towards her glass.

"No idea. Malarkey's makin' 'em over there apparently."

He paused momentarily, slowly sliding his cards into his pocket as if Val actually needed to cheat to win. "...Don't mind if I do."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Just over an hour had passed since the last time Ron had looked over at Valerie - Harry had lost their last game, predictably, and the officers had been darting between conversation and cards ever since, the energy slowly draining from the room as the night wore on and they began to find it harder to focus on the more technical games. The group had noticed the main dining hall growing steadily louder as the night progressed, but the disturbance had not been enough to warrant their attention until suddenly a smash rang out, accompanied by a series of whoops and laughter.

Craning his neck to see what was happening, Ron's gaze fell upon the portrait of Hitler that Valerie had taken a knife to on their first day in town, his face now stained with dark red wine, a few shards of glass embedded in the canvas. Still seated at her table, Val let out a hearty laugh, her cheeks flushed bright red as if she had caught a chill. But he knew it wasn't that.

Of the men of Easy Company still occupying the hall, not a single one of them appeared sober, the scent of alcohol lingering on the very air. Sitting across the table from Valerie, it appeared George Luz had actually fallen asleep, suddenly roused by the sound of the wine bottle exploding into hundreds of fragments the moment it struck the wall.

"Aw, shit," Nixon sighed. "Looks like they found the good stuff."

Across the room, Skinny Sisk tripped on the edge of a tablecloth that had been left dragging across the floor, tumbling to the ground in a mass of flailing limbs. Val let out a guffaw of laughter, clapping her hands in delight as she slumped further in her seat, reaching for another sip of whatever the hell was in her glass.

"Alright, ok," Ron muttered, rising from his seat and crossing the room in a moment, prying the drink from her hand before it could reach her lips. Val opened her mouth in objection, brow drawn with outrage, but the sudden appearance of the infamous Captain Speirs seemed to sober up the rest of the room, the other men taking the hint to calm themselves and begin shuffling out the door to return to their billets and sleep off their drunkenness.

"I wasn't done with that, yunno," She drawled, barely noticing as Luz drifted away from the table, rubbing at his temples in an attempt to nurse an already developing headache.

"Yeah, you're not gonna be, either," Raising the glass, Ron took a sniff, expression twisting into a grimace. "Jesus. How many of these did you have?"

"I... do not know."

"Hey, Speirs?" Harry called from the next room, clearly impatient to get back to their game.

"Uh, yeah - deal me out, ok? See you fellas tomorrow," He nodded, placing a gentle hand on Valerie's arm to help her to her feet. She swayed slightly, but could certainly walk, and as Ron helped her to the door, he emptied her glass into an unused ice bucket as they passed.

She probably could have made it back up to her room entirely unscathed, even the wobble in her step ebbing away as they exited into the night air, but Ron wasn't sure he'd be able to live with himself if he let her go anywhere alone. "I'm not plastered by the way - I've been plastered, this ain't that."

"Whatever you say," He breathed, arm still secure around her as they descended the front steps to the hotel.

"I'm serious."

"I believe you, dear," Ron nodded, and a giddy grin made its way across her face at the term of endearment. It had slipped out before he could stop it, and he was suddenly grateful for the minuscule chance that she would remember it the next day - he did not in fact believe her.

It was quiet out on the street, the men who had scattered returning promptly to their nearby billets, turning Berchtesgaden back into the ghost town it had been when they had found it. The street lamps cast puddles of golden light as they passed beneath them, his gaze momentarily wandering to Val's face. Her hair had come loose, a strand hanging limply in her face, and the tip of her nose flushed pink in the cool air. Without a word, Ron shrugged off his jacket, slinging it over her shoulders. She did not hesitate to slide her arms into the sleeves, wrapping the jacket tightly around herself, and playing it off as a yawn when she took a deep breath, smelling the scent of his cigarettes that permeated the fabric.

They were mere feet from the front door when Ron felt Valerie slide from his grip, turning to watch as she took a seat on a nearby bench, one foot tucked behind the other, hands in her lap as she looked up at the night sky above.

"Almost there, c'mon," He urged, gesturing for her to follow.

"Come sit down."

Ron didn't move, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Val, come on, you'll catch a cold out here, let's get you insi-"

"Just sit down, Ronald!" Val demanded, almost laughing. She always seemed so ceaselessly amused by him - he wouldn't pretend not to enjoy it, but it struck him as odd sometimes.

Folding his hands awkwardly in his lap, Ron took a seat beside her on the bench, a polite gap left between them. It couldn't have been more than a couple of inches, but it might as well have been a mile for how tempted he felt to move closer.

Her gaze had not shifted from the sky above since the moment he sat down, and after a while spent sitting in silence, he allowed himself to do the same, peering up at the stars above. There was a full moon out that night, hanging like a beacon above them, never quite allowing the town to fall into total darkness as it bathed the ground below in its glow. It was quite marvellous, really.

As weight pressed down on his shoulder, Ron felt his breath catch in his throat, so desperate was he to preserve the serenity of this moment as Valerie leant over, resting her head against him. He scarcely dared more, for fear that he would shrug her off - it was almost comical, the battle-hardened Captain Speirs, who ran past half a dozen tanks at Foy twice over without fear, suddenly paralysed at the prospect of pushing her away.

"Our families are looking at the same moon back home," Valerie said, her voice muffled against the fabric of Ron's jacket as she turned her chin into the collar. "I like thinkin' about that." When she spoke it sounded drowsy, exhaustion tugging downwards at her eyelids.

"C'mon," He urged again, matching her softness. "You can't sleep out here, you'll freeze to death."

Val nodded slowly, her hair catching on his shirt. "That'd be very inconvenient for you."

"Out the the two of us, I don't think I'm the one getting the short end of the stick in this scenario, Val."

"Ah, but you'd miss me," She sighed with a dramatic flourish of her hand, pushing herself up from the bench with a grunt. Ron had not had the chance to stand up himself before Valerie started walking, the sway in her step settled as she confidently made her way down the street.

"You're going the wrong way, dear," He pointed out, gesturing to the front door, mere feet away from them.

"I know that," Val rolled her eyes, turning sharply on her heel and marching up to the front step as he chuckled. Taking the step up, she looked back at him. "C'mere," She ordered.

"What do you want now?" Ron teased, already moving to do her bidding. Taking a step up to stand beside her, they faced each other, shoulders pressed against the front door to the house they were billeted in. Leaning forward, Val pressed her body flat against his, her chin resting on his chest, face tilted up towards him. He could feel her breath, escaping through parted lips and fanning his neck as he peered down at her. Their faces were mere inches apart, and oh, how he had wanted to give in at that moment - give in to the months they had spent together, growing ever more enamoured by her with each passing day. Putting her weight on her toes, she began to push herself up towards him, their lips barely parted, so close their noses brushed against each other.

She was drunk. Ron knew this - could see it in her flushed cheeks, could hear it in her slow words. It would not happen like this. Placing soft hands to either side of her face, he held her back as gently, as tenderly as he could, his thumb skirting across the soft flesh of her cheek as Valerie eased herself back onto her heels, her eyes like dark pools under the light of the street lamp, as wide as he had ever seen them.

"Goodnight Cap'n," Her voice was scarcely a whisper as her hand found the door handle, opening it onto the great foyer inside, the heels of her shoes clacking against the floorboards as she trailed inside. Ron would follow soon - would climb the stairs to his own room along the hall from her own - but for now, he held back, watching on as Val headed upstairs, his jacket still hanging off her back as she disappeared down the hall, the sound of humming trailing after her even after she was gone from sight, fading away with the sound of a closing door. It wasn't until now, when Ron was alone in the foyer, did he realise he was smiling - beaming even. It was very... un-ron-like. But she had wanted to kiss him.

He had done the right thing. He knew this.

But Jesus Christ, was he in deeper than he thought.

#band of brothers #ronald speirs #ronald speirs x ofc #ronald speirs x oc #band of brothers oc #band of brothers fic #hbo war #hbo war fic #hbo war oc #george luz #floyd talbert #lewis nixon #harry welsh #chuck grant #donald malarkey #oc: valerie

[dollywheeler]

September 10th, 1996

Dear diary,

I'm exhausted.

I woke up early today so I could get to the field before school and finish practicing. I finally managed to consistently land the routine, but it was a close call. I didn't get a chance to get to it last night, so if I hadn't gotten it this morning I would have completely bombed at today's practice. Luckily, everything turned out okay and I didn't make any mistakes.

I would have stayed yesterday after school but people were still doing extracurriculars so I went home first, thinking I could head back once everyone had left. As I'm still ahead with homework I decided to get started with clearing out the basement first. It was definitely a lot more work than I had accounted for.

I don't think I've been down in the basement in years, because I don't remember it being filled with this many boxes. I tried shoving the ones filled with books aside first as those could probably be kept or donated without much sorting, but there were plenty of others just filled with garbage and random crap. There was an entire cardboard box filled with dinosaurs - Mike used to be such a nerd. I could have sworn he'd had to donate all of those at some point - Mike complained about it often - but I'm also not surprised he found a way around it. Might have stolen them back out of the donation box when mom wasn't looking and squirreled them away somewhere.

Now I think about it, I do remember him using me as distraction one time. I think he got me gummy bears in return.

Anyway, there was a lot more to sort through than I'd thought.

I must have stayed down too long because mom came down to ask if I needed help looking for something. I told her I was just clearing out the basement so I could use the space and she seemed to freeze in her tracks. She looked around the basement for a moment, with this weird, sad look as if it hasn't been collecting dust for seven years, before her eyes settled on me again. Then she looked at me weird for a moment, before nodding with a tight smile and grabbing some boxes to sort through herself.

I almost started crying.

Maybe it's because of the look in her eyes as she'd stared at me, or because she'd looked close to tears herself. Or maybe I'm just feeling emotional.

Anyway, I really appreciated her help.

While cleaning, I found a bracelet underneath the cabinet - one of those woven bracelets you make at camp. It's green and blue and even has some beads braided into it. It's well crafted, honestly, but overall pretty ugly and chunky. I kind of like it. I matched my clothes to it and wore it today. It's nice to have something of Nancy's.

We managed to get the most important stuff shoved to the side for now. Mom knows which boxes need to go where, but it still took most of the evening to get it all done. Mom even ordered pizza so she could continue helping me. It was actually quite nice, especially once I had the idea to grab my CD player from upstairs and even mom started singing along.

It did mean we finished too late for me to justify going to back to school to practice, though, but everything worked out in the end. I might wake up early again tomorrow to practice in the basement - I really didn't mind that part. I liked starting my morning by being active, and now I can practice in the basement I won't have to miss breakfast with dad either.

That being said - I should probably go to sleep.

Love, Holly

#holly wheeler #mike wheeler #the third wheeler #fanfic

[slusheeduck]

Fictober 2023 Day 21 - Prompt: "If you don't stop now--" Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

If we’re all being honest, Gale had…never really considered befriending warlocks before. He’d be the first to admit that it was from a place of pettiness—wizards and sorcerers were already at odds due to the learned vs innate spellcraft, but warlocks? Well, warlocks just felt like they were cheating. He’d wanted nothing to do with someone who had to be given what he’d worked for decades to perfect.

Falerin changed that. Oh, he liked Wyll plenty, too, though his pact seemed like far more trouble than it was worth, what with Mizora seeming to relish in his ever-growing do-gooder burden. But Falerin was different—he came from a place of wanting to learn, and opted for his shortcut out of necessity. Gale could understand that. And currying the favor of a god-like patron and becoming her favorite for a time? Well, Gale could definitely understand that.

Perhaps, if Astarion hadn’t been in the picture, there might have been something more there, but no use dwelling on that. Besides, there was one very poignant fact that made him realize that, perhaps, he’d dodged a missile in that respect.

His dear friend Fal was fucking weird.

He’d heard that those who spent time in the Fey Courts would sometimes come home with peculiarities, and clearly Falerin was no exception. There were little things here and there that he’d noticed: periodic staring into space, with not a single thought behind his two-toned eyes; long conversations with animals followed by “Oh, no, I don’t know Speak with Animals. I just like chatting.” Once, when they’d set up camp next to a brook, Gale had had the fright of his life seeing the half-drow’s prone, fully-clothed body in the river water—he wasn’t dead, it turned out, since he’d kept his nose and mouth just poking over the surface.

“Why in the hells did you do that?” Gale had asked once he hoisted him out of the water. Falerin had simply shrugged, an odd faraway look in his eyes.

“Felt like it.”

The eccentricities went beyond that, though, and more than once veered into dangerous territory. His donations to Astarion could be excused—who hadn’t been curious, after reading a saucy vampire novel—and the whole bear thing was…well, Halsin was a person beneath it. Prob…ably? The wiggle of fingers and laughs he gave as greeting to Vlaakith and Mizora and every single Scrying Eye they’d passed had made his own blood pressure spike, but no one had died yet.

But the licking. Dear gods, the licking.

The spider incident went without saying, but there were also the mushrooms in the Underdark, what was probably a bit of roasted dwarf in the Goblin Camp, untold amounts of questionable looking fluids, a bit of slime from their more gelatinous enemies that had left him sick for the better part of the day…you would think that last bit would have been enough to stop him, but once he was recovered enough to continue on, that damned tongue was back out.

Half the time, Gale was tempted to spray a bit of water at him, much like how he did when Tara started getting into something that would likely kill her. But he imagined it going over about as well as it did with her—and Falerin had opposable thumbs.

But Gale had a limit. And that limit was reached in the Shadowlands, post-spider-licking, when he and Fal had settled down for the evening. Gale had opted for some light reading, and Falerin was looking over one of the items they’d managed to grab in their adventures for the day—a mace, engraved with spiderwebs. It pulsed with magic; even with the orb in his chest soothed, Gale could feel the phantom pull of it. Falerin glanced up at him, as if he could feel that pull as well.

“You don’t need to eat this one?” he asked.

“For the last time, I didn’t eat them, I…” Gale sighed. “No. I’m stabilized now. It’s yours to do as you like.”

Falerin nodded, looking back at it. “What was it like?” he asked. “When you consumed them?”

Gale glanced over at him, then looked up as he thought. “Satisfying, for a moment anyway. Like a glass of water on a hot day—or a glass of brandy after a hard one. Gratifying, too—like scratching an itch, but on a much bigger scale. And, of course, an influx of magic always comes with a rush in any form. I imagine Astarion and I could comis—oh, don’t you dare.”

As Gale had spoken, Falerin’s tongue had poked out between his lips, and the mace had moved incrementally closer to his face. He stopped, eyes on Gale, but he simply froze in place. Gale stared hard at him. Neither moved—this was a stand-off.

“Put it down,” Gale finally said.

Falerin kept his eyes locked on Gale’s, and the mace moved incrementally closer to the outstretched tongue.

“Falerin. Drop it.” The cat owner voice was coming out, he knew, but desperate times…

The mace was now well-within licking distance.

“If you don’t stop now—”

What happened next took place in the course of about two seconds. Falerin’s head dove down to lick the mace, a stream of water shot from Gale’s hand, and the half-drow was knocked clean off the log he’d been sitting on.

“Gale!” he sputtered out. “What was that?”

“Probably saving your life, you’re welcome.” Gale got up to his feet, snatching the mace as he did. “And I’m confiscating this until you can learn to keep your tongue in your mouth.”

Would it stop the licking? Probably not. But it bought him a little peace of mind until the next incident. And, as the still-dripping warlock watched him balefully lock the mace in camp trunk, Gale realized…yeah, actually, Astarion could have him. After all, who knew where that tongue had been?

Fictober 2023 Drabble Master Post

#fictober23 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale of waterdeep #Gale is so fucking tired #But look #You don't get out of the Feywild without picking up some odd habits #And sometimes you just have to lick everything #Literally everything #Fal's patron thinks it's hilarious

[stargazerbibi]

[ 7th june, 2023 • 50/100 days of uni ]

my room is all nice and clean. i've sorted out which clothes i'm going to donate and which ones i'm going to try to sell. i'm thinking i should probably clean up my shelves too 'cause they're getting kind of cluttered and i need some space for more books :>

aside from that, have to report that didn't go to volleyball practice. again. i kind of miss going more regularly, but.. it's still difficult. and i don't exactly have much fun when i'm actually there.. miss my friends there, but they don't go anyways so there's not much that can be done.

#stargazerbibi #study #studyblr #100 dop #100 days of productivity #studying #student #studyspiration #studyspo #aesthetic #studystudystudy #productivity #study blog #study notes #studygram #college #uni #university

[bionicinbuff]

Pre-Nudevember #14

Money Burns a Hole in Your Pocket

The drawing today doesnt exactly invoke today's idiom, but the saying did invoke the reason I drew it.

Today's society exists mostly behind a tremendous paywall. It always kind of has, but the divide between what it costs and what we earn has never been larger. Clothing centric folk, however, have a much easier time finding activities that cost very little to nothing. Nudist folk don't have it so easy.

Which is why free nudist spaces are so important. Yet at every turn they are either being limited, eliminated or fought against. Even, ironically, by large naturist organizations. These organizations seem to be constantly pushing for people to 'vacation' to 'world class resorts' and I've even seem some higher hierarchy calling for the elimination of free beaches and spaces under the guide of 'safety'.

Whatever. Free spaces are as safe as anything. It's just a transparent push to make money.

We NEED more free spaces. Whether it's crown/public land set aside for official clothing optional purposes or owned land donated to the cause, it's essential. Nudism can't just be the jetsetter elite... As much as those people wish it to be.

Nothing will ever be normalized if it isn't easy, affordable and comfortable to do.

This will also be my final Pre-Nudevember drawing. I have a few personal works I need to concentrate on, and I'll be back for True Nudevember on Nov. 1st with a brand new theme.

See you then.

[mydeclutterjourney]

To put the Christmas tree up this year, I had to declutter...

It started with getting the tree out of the linen cupboard. I had to fight past all the hanging winter coats. So I decided that the one winter coat I definitely would not be wearing again - the one from my school years, that I haven't worn since - was to go. I've put it in my fabric recycling pile, it can't be donated because it's a bit smelly and the lining is torn.

Then, to get to the decorations in the spare room, I had to move the stack of clothes I'd pulled out 2 months ago to be donated. So, I bagged those up and decided they were going to the charity shop ASAP, that day, no exceptions. There was a bag of books I'd pulled off my shelf to donate back in summer that I'd totally forgotten about in the spare room too, so I added those to go.

I also knew I had a few items in the cupboard under the stairs, a badminton set from childhood I never used, and some modular shelves from my previous flat that I haven't used for some years. And seeing as I was on a roll, I decided to tackle the last of the previous owners items in the cupboard. About 25 mugs and glasses in some wheely drawers that were in good condition but not to my taste or need were left, along with a trivet and a French press. The French press cracked as I washed it so it went in the bin. But I washed all the other mugs and glasses (and I don't even like washing my own dishes!!!!) and packed them in 2 hand towels I wasn't fond of to take them safely to the charity shop.

After a quick run to the charity shop I had to tidy the cupboard under the stairs. But I decided to be done with it once and for all. I tackled a doom bag and doom basket of items from my old car. I've had my new car for over a year and a half now, this one has a much smaller boot so I couldn't keep all the things I used to in there. And I'd been constantly thinking how I needed make space for the old items, but one look in this bag and box, and I knew I would be fine without them, like I had been for the last 18 months, so I got rid of an old white hard hat that had faded so badly it looked smokers yellow (and I don't smoke), some car air fresheners and a P plate from when I first passed my test (7 and a half years ago!!!!), a bottle of febreeze because my work gear and hockey gear would stink out my car, old cable ties, clingfilm (why did I have clingfilm in my car??? I remember past me putting it there but I can't remember WHY), a battered hole punch, an outdated highway code, old designs, a bunch of werthers originals wrappers (even now you could probably Hansel and Gretel your way to me with these 😂), hand-wash, multiple packs of almost dry wipes, a suction phone holder and some empty bubble wands. So much random stuff. (That reminds me, I should probably clean out my car.)

I got 3 plain hi vis vests out of all of that to donate (I'm already drowning in hi vis from work, I don't need any more) and some some old branded hi vis to recycle. Also 2 lengths of chain from a construction job 6 years ago I haven't managed to repurpose yet, along with some spray paint and engine oil to recycle too.

Phew. What a day. From 10am til about 4pm tidying and clearing things. The tree did go up eventually and I have less stuff in my home, so it was all worth it.

#christmas #declutter #decluttering #my post #my declutter journey

[keshetchai]

Sorry I need to just scream and find a new place to live lol

I recently told my roommate and best friend of like, 9 years that I'm planning to move out because living with her girlfriend is not sustainable for our very different needs (I have adhd. I am convinced she is OCD but not ADHD, because we conflict in terms of brain management in like 50 million ways) and gf's expectations and like, I even recently told gf the same thing - that I intend to move out when I'm able to afford to - so of course she threatens to move out and leave my friend over??? my continued existence in the meantime. I'm too old for this shit.

I am a grown ass adult and am tired.

This latest fight came about because I was trying to start washing literally every piece of clothing I own Sunday night (so that I could donate or sell things I don't like or wear, in preparation for an eventual move. Which i didn't announce). I even announce at one point I'm pausing from running more loads in the wash for the night because I want to take a shower, but won't leave out the clean laundry and will put stuff into bags so it's not a huge mess.

Then Monday morning I called out sick for a half day from work, not feeling well, and I get a text demanding I remove all my things from the common living room space downstairs and also all my remaining to be washed laundry (which is in Ikea bags, not like, strewn about) so that she can clean everything and do laundry on her day off from work tomorrow.

I point out I didn't know this was her plan, and I would've like, planned better had I realized, but would try to do so. Her day off was not on the physical calendar, and I don't conceive of time well, and also I don't pay attention to everything her and roommate talk about when they talk to each other (sometimes I have in headphones and am listening to something!!) so I didn't know this was her plan.

Somewhere in all the arguing back and forth she claims she's frustrated she can never say anything about my mess bc it upsets me, and points out that my being annoyed about the laundry is proving her point and I'm like...

No??? 1) I didn't ask you not to say things to me because it upsets me, you decided that. What I asked was for you to detail chores and how you want them completed to your needs for comfort on physical to-do lists so that we could split them up as a household and so I could just do like, task list A if you ask me to as needed, but always do task list B on Wednesdays or whatever, but you never did this.... and

2) I was annoyed she didn't say something when I spent like 4-5 trips going up and down stairs to bring down my dirty laundry and bring up clean laundry or when I announced I was taking a break. I literally just "hey you could've said 'actually I also need to do a ton of laundry on Tuesday so can you make sure you're done by then?" Is something that could be said! Or "don't forget I have Tuesday off and planned to do XYZ chores so I need the washing machine and dryer," on Sunday night.

Like I am a messy person. I have ADHD and clutter/time blindness. I do work hard to correct my mess and my problems and to clean whatever people point out. I am never going to be perfect but I ask myself all the time "what am I missing," and "what should I do?" And try to do those things.

But also like... "Left her oil painting to dry on a table easel she put on her own coffee table for several days, with the reference image placed beside it," is not an invitation to stack the reference image papers on top of my still wet painting because you thought it looked cluttered!!!

Every compromise or improvement I've tried to make hasn't been good enough, I've never had any actual accomodations that I asked for, and I have already given up and begin planning an exit strategy and then she had to go do all of this. I'm tired. This is exhausting.

I'm sick of having my stuff touched and moved and when I said demanding something of me last minute puts me in the position of scrambling to not be a household obstacle she was like yeah you are an obstacle. Like. Thanks. Great. Love that.

She also tried to argue she pays attention to mine and roommate's plans when we discuss them in front of her (because I said I don't pay attention to everything they plan or discuss in front of me) and I just.... Lol??? What??? Plans????

I've literally had multiple convos with roomie that we have stopped hanging out altogether. The last two things we did the two of us alone were 1) something the gf opted not to join us when we'd all talked about going, and 2) something I only got to do bc gf declined one of the two available tickets and *then* I was invited.

I was just....baffled. what is she listening to? What plans does she pay attention to? Before thing #1 happened (which did get gram'd) the last time I featured on roommate's Instagram was FORTY ONE WEEKS AGO so we truly haven't had any big plans.....in nearly a year. Before gf even moved in.

Literally just have a constant neverending headache and I'm going to need a new place and a license/car or a new job and I'll need to replace sooo much of my shit, and I just...hate everything I really do.

My aunt warned me this could go badly and I should've listened more.

WAIT AND ANOTHER THING LMAO the other day she sent a text asking if I was free on a specific date late September for a belated birthday party for roommate whose bday is in august and I just.....

1) why wouldn't you ask me to help you plan and coordinate it

2) why wouldn't you ask me in person when we live together

3) "uh, I might be free but I have to check that's not falling on a high holy day because it's late September....." ....by the grace of G-d it's the day BEFORE Yom kippur starts, and not Yom kippur itself because of course she wouldn't have looked this up.

#im sorry im still living here but i am actively trying to leave with my sanity intact

[progressivemother]

Decluttering my home

I have been watching a lot of decluttering and frugal videos. I have been adding the tips from these to the rules I already use.

Decluttering is key right now. My house in general is clean and I don't have a lot of clutter. I did not know this until I started decluttering. But I have come to realize that I can still further minimize so that I am not as overwhelmed and it has helped a lot. I feel much more accomplished.

I am far from done but I have gotten a lot done. I am minimizing to the point that a room should only take five minutes to clean up and twenty minutes at most to vacuum, mop, dust, etc.

Here are a few tips on decluttering:

1. Start small. The process doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start small. Pick one area in your home that you would like to simplify. A desk drawer, a cabinet, your purse, a bookshelf, or a toy bucket. Make three piles; keep, donate, and trash.

2. Buy less. Do not buy things you don't need and avoid temptation. A simple rule is to wait three days. If you want the item after three days, then you can consider buying it.

3. Use what you have. Use what you have before buying more items. Food, makeup, toiletries, etc. Make sure you go through things before buying more.

4. Make sure counters, stove, tables, and floors stay clean. No matter how clean and organized a house is if these areas aren’t clear it makes the room feel cluttered. When simplifying your home, make it a point to keep your surfaces as clean as possible.

5. Borrow before buying. If you can borrow or rent an item that you will probably only use once or twice, do that rather than buy something that will only take up more space.

6. If you Don’t Use it, Lose it. For example, clothes. As women, we tend to have clothes that we think we will wear but we don't actually wear. This was what it was for me. I have come to realize that I prefer comfortable clothes over fancy. So I got rid of all of the clothes I knew I would never wear even if I really wanted them.

7. Clean Out Spaces Routinely. When it comes to keeping up on decluttering, it's easier to do a weekly or monthly organization and decluttering. I do it monthly.

8. Keep one memory box per person. Create a memory box for each person and only keep what is most important to you. My daughter prefers her drawings and art for hers. Each kid gets special stuffed animals. I only have some items from my grandmother.

9. Keep a give away box. Keep a box in your closets and in rooms where you can put items that you no longer want or need that you can donate later.

10. Clean spaces routinely. For me, I have a daily task list, a weekly task list, and a monthly task list. These are all only cleaning tasks. It works well with keeping the home as clean as possible and doing it little by little is much easier than you would think.

11. Create a weekly task list. For me, once a week on Thursday is the day I get all of my errands done, meal plan, order groceries, do the budgeting, and plan the rest of my week until the next Thursday.

Here are a few tips on living frugally:

1. Have a no buy month. Only buy essentials for a month. I like doing this after the holidays in May. The large holidays are over and it is before the kids' birthdays.

2. Shop second hand. I tend to only buy through a thrift store. It is better for the planet and better for my wallet. If I cannot find something similar to what I want, then maybe I would buy it new. But it is rare.

3. Scrounge for dinner or do a leftover night. I usually do a leftover night but if there are not any leftovers left, then I will find a way to cook something up with what I have around.

4. Cut your own hair. I have always cut my own hair. There are many tutorials on how to do this on YouTube if you need to use one. It is a big help financially.

5. Cut on guilty pleasures. Mine was ice coffee. I was buying it every day. I decided to cut it down to only once a week. It has actually saved me over a hundred dollars a month.

6. Cut on consumption of meat. Yes, I know a lot of people like their meat. My husband is included in this. But we understand that it tends to cost more than other items and have cut it down from every night to a few times a week. It has saved us around $80 a month. It's not a lot but it goes toward something we can use it for.

7. Track your spending and check your bank account on a regular basis. Doing this can actually help you understand where a lot of your money is going and it can help create a habit of spending less.

8. Plan your meals and stick to them. This saves a lot of money. I create a list for a month and that is what we eat. I do not deviate unless I absolutely have to. For example, if the stores are out of the products I want.

Well, that is a a lot but it really does help. I feel less stressed trying to do things last minute and I have less in the house to clean up or deal with. You can transform your home and life into a haven with a little effort. I hope this helps you as much as it helped me.

#love #children #marriedlife #relationship #marriage #family #progressive #declutter #frugal #frugality #decluttering

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Empty.

Your bed's gone now,

The empty space looks weird.

I mopped the floor after they left,

It's as if it was never here.

I truly hope your bed helps them,

But what most can't understand.

Is that this is all going way too fast,

For me to even comprehend.

I'm trying to help,

Like you'd want me to.

But I feel deep down inside,

I'm somehow getting rid of you?

I feel so lost - so damn alone.

The difference between me and others,

Is that they get to go home.

They've done their good deed,

Helped the sad girl.

Then go home to their families,

And wash me out of their hair.

They got what they wanted..

I hope that's not how it is - but that's really how it feels.

This sucks so damn much, this is all so surreal.

Just an empty space on the floor where your bed used to be,

Kind of looks like what the emptiness feels like deep inside of me.

I can mop it and clean it and make it look nice,

But at the end of the day nothing will suffice.

No table set or cute chair will fill the space,

Of where you sat and slept and spent your days.

I wanted to help but now I feel I'm not in control,

Losing grip on the rope I just plummet into the hole.

My therapist says "Nobody says you have to move on",

Yet everyone keeps singing me a different song.

These church ladies keep saying,

They want to come over and have tea.

Yet they've ignored all my texts,

And seem incredibly rude to me.

I can't trust anyone,

I feel like they're using me.

Do they just want to show me off,

Like I'm some good works trophy?

"Look everyone we one upped you today!"

"We got extra brownie points with God, now let's pretend for her we'll pray"

Again, I truly hope that's not how it is and I'm just being stupid.

Yet every time I give others the benefit of the doubt, they show me loud and clear that I've been duped.

I wish I could talk to you,

You'd let me know if I was just overthinking.

You'd know exactly what to do,

And stop me from assuming every stinking form of help is hidden malice.

I just wish in the past I would've been shown kind souls and not snakes who are callous.

How do I do this?

Mom, what do I do?

You'd probably be pissed off like me too,

It's almost supper and still no word.

My belly's growling - I'm starving.

And I still have to wait..

Has it ever occured to people that this is wrong?

To make plans with people, then string them along?

Most would be excited like in those silly reels when you cancel plans,

But I'm the opposite, it pisses me off.

I don't eat, I barely drink, I sit in uncomfortable clothes all day ready and waiting when I'd rather be in my pajamas.

I prepare myself all day for company, worry myself sick and waste my time making sure everything looks nice and presentable and in the meantime for others it's just "aww shoot sorry, raincheck?"

They weren't put out any, their day goes on...

So I guess I just wait then?

I have no idea...

I don't know if I should go grab the donation items?

Or should I just tell them to screw off?

I need help, what is wrong with people?

I'm dealing with enough shit of my own I don't need to deal with the idiot savants.

They just responded - their day took a "crazy turn".

I now have to wait 2 more hours to get an answer if they're coming or not.

Mom, I need your help.

I'm a writer, I'm not assertive.

You would've said something - stuck up for me, where I just sit quietly furtive.

But for now I wait and just stare at the emptiness where your bed was,

Empty space, empty inside.

Why does it feel like I too that day died?

~Jenni

#venting #grieving #loss #i miss my mom #sas #depression #bpd #borderline personality disorder #thoughts #feelings #love #poem #poetry #spilled heart #mental health #spilled words #original poem #spilled thoughts #thinking out loud #overwhelmed #over thinking #sick of it #anxiety #poem by me #writers and poets #written word #writeblr #trust issues #spilled tears #spilled ink