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loganlermanstanaccount · 10 months

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hear me out..what abt u and miguel in a hotub trying to hide that fact that you guys are literally screwing eachother in front of the others🤭🤭and he’s talking u through it..whispering in ur ear..telling u to be quiet while he’s literally roaming his hands all over u! 😋😋

this is a leeetle bit funny to me bc in real life, sex is the last thing i'd wanna do in a hot tub. But for Miguel..... 😍😍

Wandering Hands

(AO3 Mirror), Main Masterlist

pairing: Husband!Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

summary: You're on a trip away with your husband, Miguel. He gets handsy. (Hot tub sex + Husband!Miguel)

warnings: 18+ , fingering, p in v, instructional, Miguel talks you through it, teeny tiny bit of f!dom, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, very very sappy. Minors DNI

a/n: this is disgustingly sappy and cheesy at some points - I kinda have to apologise in advance. I've had a rough week lmao

very big thank you to my beta reader @tianyhi <33

wc: 2.7k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wandering hands: Miguel has wandering hands.

It's your anniversary, and that's the thought you're left with as he kneads your thigh, eyes low at a fancy resort. A resort you practically dragged him to, mind you. He's a workhorse; absorbed in his job and everything that comes with it. Your husband; diligent and devoted, as always; he needed a break. Somewhere hot, somewhere expensive. It’s what he deserved. And whilst he would never take the initiative to book one for himself, isn't that what a wonderful SO was there for?

To his credit, he's been 'unplugged' since the moment you got here - putting away his work laptop and ignoring all the calls he'd get from overbearing clients. His sole focus for this whole week is you; and he's made that abundantly clear. The lingering looks, gentle touches: everything about him screams love and warmth. And he's all yours - a fact that still sends you spiralling, every now and then. All yours.

"You're not paying attention, cariño." He says under his breath, swirling the wine under his nose like the man in front of him.

You're both at a wine tasting, like sophisticated adults (...who had made fun of the idea on the way over). Miguel's wearing pressed trousers that hang on his frame just right, and a tank top underneath an open button-up. The peek of flesh makes you hot under the collar like a Victorian housewife, and you flush when you realise you're staring. Miguel pinches your cheek with a laugh, soothing it with a simple kiss.

Huffing, you take a sip of the expensive wine without thinking. There’s a gasp from the sommelier, and the small group turns to look at you. Your face heats up when you realise what you’ve done - shirking from the pack of eyes silent with sharp critique. A man beside you taps your shoulder with a slimy smile.

“Miss, that’s a 1978 Monfortino. It probably costs more than your rent.”

“...I thought this was a wine tasting. So eventually, we have to… taste. The wine.” Miguel chuckles into his drink, squeezing at your waist. You make a fair point.

The man laughs, smug. “With all due respect, it’s an experience of the senses… maybe this is your first time somewhere with this kind of price tag, but it’s quite rude to-”

Miguel clears his throat, flashing a disarming smile at the man to your side. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, with a dangerous veneer you’ve seen before. The smile he gives before closing a big deal at work, calculated and shiny – when he smells blood in the water.

“With all due respect, watch your fucking tone.”

His face drops just as quickly, and he downs the rest of his wine, standing up - hand outstretched to take you with him. Gladly, you follow, click-clacking in your heels and little dress; hand tight around his.

“...Pinche idiota…vete a la verga…smug little-” It’s under his breath, but his intensity makes you giggle.

In the elevator up to your room, he stews, brow creased in little furrows. A force of habit, he pulls you closer, tucking away a stray strand of hair. With a smile, you knead his temples, smoothing the creases. He visibly softens and leans into your touch.

“You’re on vacation, Miguel. Relax, baby.”

“S’not that simple.” He grumbles, but chases your lips with his own, regardless.

Defiant, you move at the last moment, chin up in the air.

“No, I’m being serious.” He snakes a hand to your ass, dancing over the hem of your dress.

"I could think of a few ways to decompress, if you're up for it…" Voice low and silky, want pools at the base of your stomach.

"Miguelito, the bedroom voice doesn't work on me, anymore." You slather on the charm, batting your eyelashes in a way that makes him laugh. He rolls his eyes.

"Let's do something. I think…I think the spa's still open? We could get a massage-"

"I don't want a massage unless it's you, baby."

"...or go to the sauna-"

"Didn't pack the right clothes, m'afraid."

"God, don't be mean." It's your turn to roll your eyes. And you whack at his chest, admonishing him gently. "What about the hot tubs?"

He turns his head to the side as if he's deep in thought. Pondering, weighing up the options; when really, the only thought in his head was you in a tiny bikini.

"If you insist, cariño."

~~~

The spa isn't too far from your hotel, a stone's throw from the beach. You walk with Miguel in the pleasant evening heat, flip-flops and cover ups light on your back.

There at the back, open air, behind rows of beach houses and overlooking the sea. You settle into the tubs, each one sectioned by wooden slats and climbing plants - not visible from the main spa, but not completely closed off, either. You can still hear the quiet buzz of other people, although it's not too full this late in the day.

You slip the light fabric onto the floor, and step out of the cover-up. Miguel, already in the water, watches the light ripple off of your skin. You don't catch him staring, but you feel it. His gaze is heavy as he drinks it in; you are dappled and gorgeous, and his heart is full. You slip in, shuffling up close to him in the dull thrum of the water jets.

Eyes closed, you rest your head on his shoulder. "You're staring."

"Yeah." It's so soft, said in the press of warm bodies, that you almost don't hear it. Playfully, he flicks your forehead - in that little triangle between your eyebrows that appears when you're resting. It's cute, he thinks. "...you got a problem with that?"

Laughing, you shake your head. "It's not too much?"

He moves closer to you, hands on your hips and mouth pressing soft kisses into your neck.

"The trip, I mean. It was a little last minute, and there was that thing with our passports…" You sigh, turning towards him, hand on his chest to stop him. "I just thought you needed a break. And I know this isn't usually your thing, but I want you to enjoy yourself. If you're not, let me know, and I'll book the first plane out of here, I promise."

You're looking up at him, clearly worried, and his heart breaks. It's almost as if you've forgotten that an anniversary entails both people, together as one. The truth is, as long as he's with you, and you're having a good time…

"Doesn't matter where we go, cariño. I'm right where I need to be if I'm with you." He says it like a statement - so matter-of-factly it makes your head spin. Because, you suppose, to him it was a ubiquitous truth: that in every universe, every iteration, the both of you belonged together. What would sound over the top or cheesy coming from someone else, is made so simple by Miguel. A fundamental truth: his home, his happiness, his heartaches and highest highs, were with you, and you alone.

"Promise me."

"Hand on my heart, baby." He places a palm that spans the crest of his ribcage. "...I promise."

He guides you onto his lap, so your back presses to his. His kisses are so light and airy, you don't notice how his hand creeps towards your thigh and the gentle movement of his hips under yours.

"You always take care of me," His hand snaps the band of your bikini bottoms, making you writhe on his lap. "Let me return the favour. Relax, cariño."

You nod, gently, eyes blown when you realise what exactly that means. Miguel's large palms dance over your tummy, pinching at the flesh to make you laugh; and then down to your thighs, to paw at them. He shifts, directing you over the jet by the base of the seat, and there is delicious pressure at your clit.

He cups your pussy under the foam of the water, ripping a heady moan of which you try to subdue. You lean into it: the hand that's now migrated into your bikini, the rock of his hips, and the hickeys he sucks into skin. Coupled with the fact you were in public, he brings you to climax quicker than even he expected. You were so needy, everything about your body telling him you wanted more - needed more. He presses the pad of his finger over your clit, barely there, and you claw at his arms under the water.

"More?" He coos, dulcet tones brushing the shell of your ear. "Pórtate bien, okay?"

So lost in your haze, you don't register the steady padding of a pair of people coming towards you, behind the wooden divider. A head pops over, and you still his wandering hands.

"Oh, there y'all are!" You see the bronzed face of Jess and her husband, a couple you had met during the trip. She bounces towards you both with dizzying accuracy, donned in a bright swimsuit and sheer cover up around her waist. Her husband is quieter, opting for a nod to Miguel, behind you.

"Can we join you? Hope we aren't interrupting anything."

Miguel meets your eyes.

"Is it okay?" He says, a thousand words said in your exchange. We don't have to do anything, it's up to you.

"It's fine," You breathe and then louder, to Jess. "It's fine."

He kisses your forehead and squeezes you closer, shifting so you feel his growing length under his shorts. An action that would seem innocent to a passer-by but below the surface…

He starts off slow, imperceptible movements as he strokes your clit. It makes you impatient, irritated that he had the audacity to start something he couldn't finish. Or, wouldn't, rather. You make lazy conversation with Jess and her husband; innocuous little things that barely take your mind off of Miguel behind you.

Some time goes by, and he's somewhat conservative – hand pressed against your pussy like his fingers were made for you. You get used to the pressure, as Jess talks about her day.

"...they're having a sale, as well! We're gonna go back there tomorrow, because, God, there were these earrings that I couldn't take my eyes off of, real gold, and only-"

"Fuck!" He slips two fingers in, without warning, sinking to the knuckle as your little hole adjusts. Jess pauses, a little confused.

"I was just…" He scissors them ever so slightly, enjoying watching you squirm. "...t-thinking about how great that deal was. Like… fuck! Real gold!"

Internally, you wince, hoping she buys it. Jess isn't stupid, but you don't think she knows you well enough to notice your husband fingering you in a hot tub. You hope.

"Right." She gives you the benefit of the doubt. "Not gold-plated, real gold."

You nod, hoping the foam from the jets is hiding the way you rock into Miguels' fingers. They feel good, curling up into you at that spongy spot he knows too well.

"There's a good food spot, by the boardwalk. I think they do…" She turns to her husband, who has an arm draped around her.

"Pasta, baby."

"Pasta! Yes, of course. We had a gorgeous meal and they served mussels, with the dish you were on about, before."

A beat. And then another. There’s a pregnant pause, before Miguel nudges you gently. "Yeah, sorry. It was the… garlick-y… one that had, um…"

You can't concentrate, against his wide torso, his hands between your legs: your brain goes fuzzy. You catch a smile tugging at his lips; and you almost scream. It's cruel, and all he can do is laugh.

"Miguel's more interested in that stuff, m'afraid." You give her a weak smile, and Miguel rewards you with a thumb to your clit.

It takes you everything not to jump at the pleasure that rocks your core; and you clamp a hand to his thigh. You make eye contact and he smiles; the smug fuck; gently chattering on with Jess about your trip to a local market, the other day. He's as casual as can be, and seemingly unaffected.

You try your hardest to nod and smile where necessary; giving simple answers that wouldn't require much thought. In the cool night air, the conversation is pleasant enough, but your husband insists on stretching out your orgasm – watching for the tell-tale signs and pulling away. It's a game of cat and mouse; and whilst you just want to get off, Miguel takes pleasure in the chase.

"We should be heading off, I think." Jess says after a while. "Just wanted to catch up with you two."

Miguel smiles, dizzying and innocuous. "We're happy to, Jess."

They slip out with a splash, and she nods towards you. "You ok, sweetheart? You just seem a bit out of it, today."

Perhaps too hastily, you nod. "I think…I t-think it was something I ate."

"Oh." She looks a little worried, and it makes you feel guilty. "You get better then. I'll give you a call tomorrow."

"Thanks, Jess." And with that, they make their way out.

Once out of sight, Miguel speeds up, his other hand on your thigh to wrench your legs open. The speed makes you dizzy, melting with your head back on his shoulder and desperately humping his hand for some relief. The rock and slosh of water over tiles barely registers in your fog.

As you moan and writhe, he whispers filth into your ear.

"Quieter, cariño. What if someone hears?" You whine and all he does is chuckle, lowly. "What if they find you, spread on my lap, fucking yourself on my fingers?"

"You're being mean."

"Eso no es justo, amor." He titters, shaking his head. "You told me to relax, no? This is how I want to relax."

Tears prick at your eyes, as he uses his other hand to rub circles into your clit, the warm froth washes over you both, but all you can feel is him.

"¿Dime que quieres, hermosa?" What do you want?

"M'close, Miguel." You bite down another moan. “I’m ready.”

"Want to feel it, baby. Cum for me."

You tilt your head to the side, and he captures your lips with his own – in awe as you clamp around his fingers. Grinding down on his crotch, you ride out your orgasm. The way he makes you feel is hot, and wet and filthy.

When your shaking legs still, you turn around to face him. He's hard, and too much of a gentleman to take his own pleasure. You slip a hand into his shorts, hand hot against his cock. It's his turn to lean into the bliss: head back and lips slightly parted with pleasure.

You've always liked his lips, plump and kissable, a pretty pink that just fits against yours.

"You're teasing." He hisses softly.

You scrape your nails along his chest, and he keens, clutching your hand close to his heart.

"...and what exactly have you been doing all night?“ You make a tight ring with your fingers, squeezing his tip and his hips jump up.

"Vale, vale, vaaale…." He paws at you waist, a little desperate. "Fuck- I get it."

You give him a kiss, wet and needy, before slipping the gusset of your bikini to the side and sinking down on his length. He cries out and you swallow it, pressing yourself even closer to him. With your tits against his chest like that, he can't think straight. You shift against his length, finding a steady rhythm but it's too slow – and Miguel grows impatient. With a growl, he places both hands on your hips, forcing you downwards as you writhe on his length.

"Dámelo, dámelo…" He slams his cock into you - hard and fast and just the way you like it. "Just like that, baby, just like-"

That growing coil at the base of your stomach snaps, and you clamp around him. But he doesn't stop, just fucks you through it until he cums, hot and sticky fluids spilling into you. Panting, you capture him into a kiss. You separate, and he's got a dopey smile on his face.

Content. Relaxed, even.

~~~

Jess calls you the morning after, and you answer.

"Hey, everything ok?" You yawn into the receiver, a little tired from last night's activities.

"I said I would call, didn't I?"

You hum. "...suppose you did."

"You feeling better now Miguel's not playing with your pussy in a hot tub?"

Shit. You almost drop the phone. "Jesus, we didn't-"

"Save. It." She grumbles something you can't quite hear; something you suspect you're better off not hearing, anyways.

"...Sorry. We weren't really thinking."

"Damn straight." She pauses. "I'm not mad, sweetheart. Can’t even judge you, to be honest. As I always say, it's not a real vacation until you fuck your husband somewhere you shouldn't-"

"Gross, Jess."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did the woman who got fingered in a hot tub just say something??"

You wince at the vulgarity of her words.

"....Ouch."

She laughs into the speakerphone, and you join her. Besides you, Miguel stirs, a little smile on his face. Half asleep, he thinks he’s heard an angel, voice light and airy in the space of your hotel room.

Miguel taglist: @d1lf-loverrr, @afro-hispwriter @ilovemiguelohara @weedxgirlx420 @ladydovahkiin180 @aaliyuh3 @sweetanimebakery @vvitcxen @rosecoloredlenses708 @daikondal @magikmina @impettywhenyouare @alonelygirlsuicidenote @plushyplants @javi0ca @rheeves @starrfruit @nikirikii @marsbars09 @foxglove-grove @mimooyi @crosshairclown @dead-by-light @kynamitedessert @naarra @wanderlustingcastaway @sagejin @cookielovesbook-akie @tangerineloverrr @gobblegluckgluckgod @wolfiepirate @jxxey3 @ebrysteria @elliemm @manchuria @youngghostpeachslime @weasleybuns @ilovemuppets @vauriz @bonbyon @aimno256 @ancientbeing10 @tvije @venus1224idkpleaze @neteyamsbulletwound @chickenjefferson-blog @maki-z @jasjasthings @tea-earl-grey-thot

#miguel o'hara x reader #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o hara x reader #atsv #atsv x reader #miguel o'hara smut #kat_writes😼#spiderman2099 #spiderman 2099 x reader #fine ass man #luv him

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beaversatemygrandma · 2 years

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Rechargeable batteries are a bitch.

#really tho. yeah sure they save you from having hoards of dead batteries laying around bc you cant just throw them out #but. at what cost.#now i have DEAD RECHARGEABLE batteries laying around bc after a year or two they won't charge higher than like 20%#and this could prob stretch into that whole iphone battery life thing too #now. this wouldnt be a big deal if they weren't twice the price of regular batteries #yeah sure. they pay for them selves after a few recharges.#somebody needs to invent a better rechargeable battery. one that actually charges to 100% All The Time #but ya know. lithium ion batteries or whatever swell up if not charged properly #ngl i just want to plug things in and even tho theres a cord i'll have unlimited battery without murdering its power source #bc plugging it in and unplugging it can break the charger itself too and then there's another money being spent on a new one of those #THEN the charging port of something could break and you're out another hundred for a new device that FULLY WORKS #except the charging port #which is where my vape is at rn after literally only having it for three months and im mad about it #it doesn't stay charging for more than a few minutes and only at a specific angle #and getting that specific angle took like an hour of putting things in place to keep it at that angle then forcing myself not to touch #i have yet to charge it higher than 50%#at this rate the battery is gonna do the swelling thing and bust the whole system #which is exactly what happened to the old one i replaced not too long ago #and now THAT ONE is the one that WORKS but it's like Ready To Blow #fun thing about that one: it lasted two years.#the lifespan of the newer model is infuriating #people online are like 'yeah that brand lasts like 2 months they suck'#and im here like 'IT LASTED TWO YEARS DUDE. 2 WHOLE ASS YEARS.'#and here i am staring at something that's on its way out after three months and pissed off about it #i didnt spend $50 on this fucker for it to die so soon.#and back to the iphone battery life thing. that whole built to die theory.#yeah. yeah. fuck all that shit #ive got beef with shitty batteries that you can't change and electronics that you can't fix yourself #im ready to pull out some damn pliers and fix things myself BUT NO #there's no clasps or buttons to open things. it's got that specific adhesive and sealed corners to prevent being opened

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ellierenae · 8 months

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SUPER UNIQUE writing ideas for hobbyists and professionals looking for fun, personal projects to get their inspo back

get a fictional pen pal (ask your other writer friends!) and spend time decorating envelopes, picking out a handwriting style, maybe buying a cheap perfume/cologne that smells like your character to really get to know them and feel their presence. if you have hand tremors or bad handwriting like me, you can choose a handwriting font for them and print their letters out!! more examples: save the dates, wedding invitations, birthday cards, party invites, etc.

use old calendars in character (there are many "expired" planners on sale around the end of the year, usually August) personally, i use them to record major life events like first band tours, trips abroad, holidays, birthdays... even trash pickup days and when they forget to roll out the bins!

sketch floor plans this can be on graph paper if you have the know-how when it comes to scaling down, but there are also tons of simple apps that allow you to both create the floor plan a builder would use and add furniture like an interior decorator. some even let you rotate them afterwards and see the furniture and walls burst to life in 3D! you can think of them as the sims but where everything is actually to scale

make an architectural model if you have some scrap cardboard, paper, and glue, you can easily bring the floor plan you just made to life (you'll need practice if you want to get really fancy with it of course! window panes and railings are the gnarliest part for me, haha)

make a playlist as your character maybe the most accessible one on this list, you can make the playlist your character listens to. sometimes this can be fun and surprising, like when my little guy Possum from Violence Without Plot is covered in tattoos and plays punk music on stage but listens to nothing but spa music to wind down between shows

write something your character can see this one is so weird to summarize but what i mean is like... a school essay for your teacher character to grade. cryptic street signs warning about danger by the lake. a memorial plaque beneath a statue. a character's online blog. a few of the cards in a grandmother's recipe box. a business card for a smooth-talking lawyer. things you can write that make everything feel so textured and real

these are all things i do on the daily, and it makes my life as a writer a thousand times more joyful and fulfilling. so have fun, be safe, and don't forget to unplug the hot glue when you're done <3

#writing advice #writing inspiration #writing tips #writeblr #writing prompts #from ellie

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doki-doki-imagines · 1 month

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wc: 10k (next time I write this much shoot me down from the start) author note: wrote this to celebrate one year since I have been writing for bllk! Since my first post was about Sae I thought to celebrate with a fic about him. If you know me a bit, you know Sae is far from being one of my faves so I feel like a clown writing this much for him sob.

tw: none. 10k words of fluff more or less.

If you like my writing consider supporting me on ko-fi!

You are sitting on an iron bench, wet from head to toe, with no way to protect yourself from the incessant rain. Your makeup is ruined and tears can’t be discerned from the droplets of rain running down your face.

You look desperate and there is no need to look at your face to understand that, you supporting your head with your hands is enough, crouched on yourself, sighs sound dulled by the downpour.

“You look pathetic.” It’s a familiar voice, one that makes your skin crawl and now increases your heartbeat to dangerous levels. You look up and you see him, in all his cold beauty. He is wearing a brown boiled wool coat, underneath a turtleneck black sweater peaking out. He is looking down at you, like a high-class rich when he sees a snotty kid, the grey umbrella covers a bit his face, but those ice irises pierce your figure anyway.

“Sae-“ You whisper out your voice full of disbelief and shame.

But how did you find yourself in such a miserable situation? We have to go back a bit.

One year ago

You have never been a fan of parties, they can be a good way to unplug your brain for a bit before going back to normal life. But after a while you need a break, the music and sweaty bodies overwhelm your senses. Your friend Elisa stays back, a guy caught her attention but she asks where you’ll go, in case she won’t see you for long.

You go outside, the cold breeze of winter hits your naked skin making you shiver, but at least you can now breathe. There is nobody else outside other than you and a red hair sitting on the small brick wall on the opposite side of the entrance. You decide to sit there too, at a safe distance not wanting to bother him but close enough to start a chat in case you stay there a little longer than needed.

You look around a bit, breathing in and out while you notice the leaves moving and bushes filled with trash. It’s not a great sight and for sure straining your sight for that doesn’t seem a good idea, so your eyes fall on the stranger sitting next to you. He is now checking his phone, red strands framing his face. You notice his long lashes, it’s always guys that have the crazy luck to have doe lashes, the lower ones touching the apple of his cheeks. He looks young, but he has a mature aura around him, an idea that comes from both his posture and his clothes. The sky-blue shirt he is wearing must be crazy expensive-

“Can you stop looking at me?” You widen your eyes, now comically big.

“You mean-“ You point a finger towards yourself, but you can’t finish the phrase that the guy snaps back.

“Yes, you. Stop looking at me.” He finally faces you, his teal eyes staring at you as you’d do with a cockroach; the same amount of disgust.

He stands up now in front of you “You must be the friend of my physiotherapist, right?”

You nod. After all, it is thanks to her if tonight you are here, at a party full of famous football players and hot beyond imagination models…you must stick out like a sore thumb.

“I guess you recognized who I am. Please, stop. I don’t want to know you, I don’t have time for a relationship.”

Your mouth is wide open.

“I don’t know who you are-“

“Yeah, sure. I have to go now. Don’t follow me.” He doesn’t even wave back, he just gives you his back and walks away.

You have never felt so angry in your life, and you had to deal with a lot of assholes to reach this point in your life.

You stomp inside, searching for Elisa to ask what the fuck is wrong with people and you find there, the guy from before still next to her but there are also other guys and girls and him. The first reaction is to walk away, possibly closing yourself inside the bathroom until they finished chatting or, at least, that guy walked away, but luck isn’t on your side your friend already waving at you signaling to go sit with her.

There is just your friend's body between you and that guy, but this time it’s your eyes that throw daggers at him every time he just even breathes your way; he doesn’t seem to care and it angers you even more.

“Oh let me present you to Sae! He is the football guy I work for!” She said looking at you with a smile that goes from one ear to the other, alcohol playing crazy tricks in her mind not to notice your cracked mood. You extend your hand, trying to be a decent person and you see him sighing. Why punching idiots is not acceptable in modern society? Maybe because you probably wouldn’t be able to stop, after hitting that ugly mug the first time.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Sae.” Your smile is fake, but you think you do a good job of hiding your feelings. The handshake is short, but while you tighten the grip to show you aren’t a weakling, the red hair slips his hand away the second your palms touch.

“Call me Itoshi.”

“Mh? Is that your name?”

“No, it’s my surname. I don’t like strangers to call me by my name.” He replies, back now hitting the red sofa of the club, looking somewhere on the dancefloor, probably at the butt of some dancer.

You look straight into the eyes of your friend and something finally clicks in her mind because you see cold sweat forming on her forehead after the interaction you had with Sae. No, wait. Itoshi.

“Well, guys-“ She claps her hand “it’s time for us to go, thanks for having us.” She stands up and you follow while she finishes to say goodbye to her colleagues. “See you tomorrow, Sae. Don’t exaggerate with drinks!” It’s clearly a joke, her tongue pokes out and Sae smiles back at her.

He would be cute. If only he isn’t such a shit. Your heart almost jumped with joy when the corner of his lips turned upwards, but your brain, thankfully reminded your body how he treated you a few minutes ago.

The walk towards your friend’s car is silent, the people inside the club making enough noise. Your silence gets broken when you enter the vehicle, before your friend can turn the engine on she stares at you.

“I leave you alone a few minutes and you get in a catfight with my client, really?” There is no real anger in her voice, knowing her position isn’t in danger. So you explode at her, telling her chapter and verse of what happened between you two.

“Is he always such an asshole? I feel sorry for you, I hope he pays you enough.” Your friend’s head hits the headrest, and a loud bubbly laugh escapes her mouth.

“Is he worse? Fuck maybe you should change job-“

“No, no. It’s that I invited you tonight because I hoped you could get together in the future.” Her voice is often broken by laughter and finally, anger free, you remember that she probably has drunk too much.

“Let’s switch, you are drunk.”

“No, c’mon. Sae is usually nice! He is a bit cold, but I thought a partner, or just a friend-” and it’s not hard for you to imagine he has nobody to talk with, every time he opens his mouth it’s the same as having two fingers in your eyes “You are also single, so I thought it could work out!” She slaps your shoulder and keeps giggling and now you are sure that you need to be the one to drive you both home.

“Don’t ever leave your job, you suck at playing Cupid-“ You giggle too, finally switching places and driving you both home.

The drive is filled with useless chatter, your friend seemed really into that dude of before, Leonardo is his name? Tomorrow with a more lucid mind you’ll dig more into your friend's new crush.

And you hope you’ll soon forget about that asshole of teammate too.

8 months ago

When you return home after an intense day of work, the bare minimum you request is complete relaxation. No parties, no worries, no discussions; it’s the perfect way to welcome the weekend.

What you don’t want is to get jumpscared before you can even step in, a certain teal-eyed dude the first thing your eyes see.

“Fuck!” You are tempted to close the door, maybe it’s all your imagination and when you reopen he, the Itoshi, won’t be there anymore. But you don’t live in a fantasy world, sadly, so you know you’ll have the accept your fate.

“What happened?” It’s your friend’s voice screaming from the kitchen.

“Nothing, I’ve just seen a cockroach.” You reply with a monotone voice, closing the door with your foot.

You look better at the intruder, sitting on your couch. One hand has the remote, zapping between the channels, the other lying on the top of the furniture, fist keeping up his head.

He turns to look at you “Did you see yourself in the mirror?” And the sudden urge to hit him with the house key pervades your body. You groan at his comment, but decide to drop the topic; you have no energy to get angry.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t tell you before but Sae is staying with us this week. His apartment is flooded and all his teammates couldn’t help him out.” She comes into the living room with a bowl of…freshly cut vegetables? You suppose it was your guest's request, as much as Elisa likes carrots there is no way this was a choice born from her brain.

Now you know why she didn’t tell you anything about it. You would have taken a hotel room and made Elisa pay for it if you knew what was going on. He, at least, thanks her and it surprises you because you thought he didn’t know what manner are. Or common courtesy.

“I’m going to change into something more comfortable.” You sigh, your mind already adjusted to the idea of having that dude in your house. ‘It won’t be forever. Calm down. Don’t shout, don’t get angry.’ You repeat to yourself while wearing the comfiest pj in your wardrobe; you need it.

When you go back into the living room the film was already chosen, but you don’t mind, so tired that you know you’ll fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow. The chat gets louder and definitely pick your interest.

“We both go to medical field universities! I finished my studies at home and as you know I work here, but-“ Elisa points her index finger at your figure, a fluffy cover hiding your body all crouched up on a side of the couch not to touch, or just get near, the guest “She is still studying to become a doctor! She will stay here one year and then she will need to go back home to finish her studies, right?” You nod at your friend's words, now looking at the film.

“The film isn’t bad.” You whisper, humming in agreement.

“It was my choice.” A deeper voice replies back, it’s Sae.

You look at him until you meet his teal eyes. You see an equal amount of tiredness in his eyes and you seem to silently agree not to sassy reply back.

You are able to look at the film without falling asleep, at times you can feel Elisa asking stuff to Sae but you are too distant to understand what they say. There is a pang of jealousy that stabs your heart, usually, you chat with Elisa while watching films and you don’t like the idea of being substituted by him.

You try to brush away the feeling. Maybe she is the one who has a crush on him, and even if you think she has questionable taste you won’t put yourself against their love. You yawn the second the end credits start to roll. You decide to go to bed, since you have no strength to add yourself to their pillow-talk, in the shared room you have to Elisa.

“I’ll come soon too.” She whispers while you nod, walking away; probably she wants a moment with her crush. You don’t even hear her opening the door, your brain voyaging dreamland the second your head hit the pillow.

You are the first to wake up in the morning, you step toward the kitchen trying not to wake up your roommate, and start to prepare coffee for the both of you. You are so used to making it that it becomes an automatism. It’s when the moka is on the fire that you start to look around, noticing a package that definitely wasn’t yours or of Elisa.

“That’s mine.” You hear croaking behind you, the sound makes you jump on your place.

“Yeah, it seemed pretty obvious. What is it? Some kind of tea?”

“Yes, it is salted kombucha tea. Want to try it?”

You snort and Sae looks at you questioningly, probably thinking his pronunciation is wrong.

“I hate tea. I’m team coffee.” You say pointing with your thumb to the moka, now gurgling a sign that your coffee is ready. Sae looks at you with disgust, a face you know pretty well by now.

“We are really different.”

“I was thinking that too.” You say now giving him the back to take the cups on the high shelf, a spoonful of sugar in your cup, nothing in Elisa's one.

Meanwhile, he has moved, opening the window of your kitchen. Summer is starting but the weather is still acceptable, morning breeze is a nice way to freshen the house.

“You want to make your own tea or I can do it for you? Do you trust me?” You say smirking, already knowing the answer.”

“I prefer to make it myself.”

You nod, a Chesire smirk plastered on your face. You point out where he can find the kettle, now sitting on the table, right next to the window, your head supported by your right hand.

He soon sits in front of you with his cup of tea, he looks outside for a moment, giving you the possibility to admire his features again.

He has a nice jaw, his skin is pretty smooth, probably he doesn’t have much beard, his upper lip is arched perfectly, his lips plump but not too big or better, they suit his face. His nose is slightly pointed upwards-

“You like to stare.”

Your head slid comically; you got caught, again.

“It happens when I look at beautiful stuff.” Really, the comment slips from your mouth before you can bite your tongue. But you feel him choking on his tea and it soothes the pain.

“You are also bold.” He looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, with such hatred in his eyes you almost worry to have done something way worse than throwing a compliment in his way.

“I just like to joke around.” You smile in your cup, a smile that grows wider when his eyebrows comically drop.

You hear him clicking his tongue, but you don’t say anything more.

You both finish your beverages, but Elisa is still sound asleep.

“Shouldn’t you wake her up?”

“Today is her free day, let her relax a bit.” You reply, putting his cup into the dishwasher.

You see uneasiness in his eyes, there is something he needs to tell you, so you make the first move as a good host.

“Is there something you need?”

“Usually I do yoga and meditate. Can you go out.” He formulated it as a request, but it sounded like an order in your ears.

“Can’t you do it in the living room? Or your bedroom?” You propose.

“My bedroom is too small. There are no windows in the living room and I’d prefer to breathe fresh air.” You nod, his reasoning makes sense and there isn’t else you need to do in the kitchen.

“Can you teach me?” You propose half to piss him off, half because you suffer from terrible neck pain and you know yoga could help you out.

You notice how bad he takes it and you bask in the sensation of being finally able to take a rise of him.

“Don’t you have to go to university? Or I don’t know, student stuff?” He says it fast and makes you chuckle.

“It’s too early! I have all the time of the world now.” You get near him, trying to muster up the nicest puppy eyes ever done “I swear I’ll be a good student and won’t joke around.”

“No.” Your nice façade drop.

“You are a real pain.”

“Look at yourself before saying that.” He looks at you with the same eyes as your encounter. The best choice is to leave him alone, and you do, but not without grumbling.

When you enter your bedroom Elisa is wide awake, already dressed for the day reading a book, a fantasy you guess knowing her taste.

“Mh? Elisa why are you here? You didn’t want to have breakfast with Mr. Sourpuss?” She clearly didn’t notice you entering the bedroom. She closes the book and smiles at your comment.

“I didn’t want to bother your bonding time.” She sing-sangs, book placed on the night table.

“Is this a way to force me to like your new boyfriend?” Your eyes pierce her figure, muscles tense, trying to grasp any twitch or wince on her face. But nothing comes, if anything she replies to you with a pure laugh, not a fake one.

“I don’t see Sae that way, you dunce-“ Elisa stands up, hands now on your shoulders shaking you “I really think you can get along, please give him a chance.” She says exasperated.

“Tell him that, he is always an ass with me, and please-“ You say removing her hands from your shoulders “Stop playing Cupid, it’s really not your job.” You go towards your wardrobe ready to change for the day while Elisa keeps whining but no words get registered in your brain.

You don’t see anybody for lunch, so you spend a quiet afternoon at home, reviewing your notes and refreshing the lesson of the previous day.

Elisa is the first to come home, there is still light outside thanks to the longer summer days and she helps you out cooking dinner.

“We have to cook something healthy, you know-“ She winks “For our guest.”

Damn, for a second you forgot about him. “Shouldn’t he cook? So we are sure to prepare the right stuff.”

“I don’t know how to.” You hear from the living room, it’s his voice. You walk to the living room and you see him, freshly showered you guess from the soft soap smell coming from him and with two bags containing what you guess is food.

“I asked my private chef to cook for all of us.” He says placing the bag on the coffee table in the living room.

“Thanks, Sae!” Elisa says “Let me take these to the kitchen, I’ll prepare the table.”

“Do you need help?” Elisa brushes off your question “I know how to put a tablecloth and cutlery.”

To you, it sounded like an excuse to make you stay alone with the redhair.

“Thanks, Itoshi.” You hate how his surname rolled on your tongue, but you had to accept it.

He nods, removing his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. You don’t miss to notice how at home he already feels; for sure he has good adaptation skills.

“So, how was your day?” You try to small chat, to break the unbearable silence it was already forming.

“Like always.” His answer is curt, but you can’t understand if it is because he doesn’t want to talk or just because it is him.

“And yours?” This surprises you.

“It was a good day. I was able to take a lot of good notes and the lesson was interesting.”

He nods at your words “I suppose it is hard.”

“Yes, but it is also really rewarding. For example-“ You start to blabber, and you notice it but you can’t stop, excitement guiding you even if you know your interlocutor has little to no interest in what you are saying. Embarrassing.

“Hey! It’s ready.” It’s Elisa that save you, stopping your blabbering. “What were you talking about?” She asks, curiosity evident.

You’d like to reply but you are too astonished by the food in front of you. Everything looked mouth-watering, you didn’t even know food could get such vivid colors, not to talk about the smell-

“She was telling me about her cardiac surgery lessons.” Sae replies for you, thankfully your eyes are already comically wide thanks to the food in front of you so nobody notices your surprise at his words.

So he was listening?

“Oh! I’m happy you are finally knowing each other, but now let’s eat! We don’t want the food to get cold.” You both nod at Elisa words and damn the food was as beautiful as it was delicious. There is not much chat, enjoying the meal in silence, just the background sound of the television to keep you company.

“Hey, you should accompany Sae to the aquarium one of these days.” Elisa says with a voice full of cheer. It doesn’t take much for you to understand where she took that idea, the advertisement of the aquarium still going on television.

“Well, it all depends on Sae, he has really strict hours-“

“Let’s go tomorrow. I have no training to do.” He says, no real force behind his words like he is just accepting his fate.

You gasp a bit “Oh, okay then. Is it fine in the afternoon?”

He nods, slurping down some of his cold noodles, you can only wish your technique will ever be as good as his, not a single drop of oil staining his shirt or mouth.

The dinner ends quietly, you place the crockery in the dishwasher and go directly into your bedroom.

The morning comes awfully quick and you feel even more tired than when you went to sleep. You proceed with your morning routine, not Elisa nor Sae insight so you take it easy. After you prepare yourself you go back to your books, your attention often grasped by anything going on.

Your attention gets caught one more time by a notification on your phone; it’s Eliza.

“Got a cute lunch date with a cutie. Try not to kill Sae and have a nice date <3” Ugh. She can be so pushy at times. You sigh and notice the hour, it’s time to eat.

When you enter the living room you notice Sae already made himself comfortable on the sofa.

“I didn’t hear you coming in.”

“I tried to be silent. I was doing yoga so I didn’t make much sound.” He replies, boredom dripping from his voice as usual. You nod “Are we blessed again by your chef's food today or I’m on my own?”

“The latter.”

“Oh! Can I make you piadina? It’s an easy dish to make.”

He turns around, teal eyes finally looking at you “What are the ingredients?”

“It’s easy! It’s more or less a circle of bread that gets folded this way and you can choose how to fill it.” You walk near him and show him the screen of your phone, the picture on it the perfect example of a perfect piadina.

“So…I can choose something different than fried potato, right?”

“Yes, you fill it with whatever you want. Simply sausage and fried potatoes with pepperoni is a classic match.” He looks at you with disgust, and at this point it makes you laugh.

“Not a fan? I swear the match is heavenly.”

“Aren’t you a doctor? You should know fried potatoes are toxic to the body.” This time you chuckle out loud.

“Fried potatoes are the last thing you should worry about between the ingredients I told you. And anyway-“ You sign to him to walk with you towards the kitchen “You won’t die eating it once in a while.”

“I don’t know anything about this stuff. I just go with what my manager and dietologist tell me.” He replies, pointing to the fridge with the ingredients he wants.

“No? For real?” You start to cook his one, the guest always comes first.

“Yeah, other than football I don’t know much else.” You notice a hint of sadness in his voice, irises darkening a bit and it tickles something in the back of your brain.

“Well, next time why don’t you help me cook? You may have a personal chef but it is nice to have different skills.”

He nods, he doesn’t burst with joy, but he seems serious. You give him his dish, arugula, and tomatoes. You do the same, half because you like the match and the other half because you don’t want to prepare other ingredients.

You eat in silence, something you already expected.

“Are you ready to go to the aquarium?” You ask, putting the dish in the dishwasher.

He nods giving you his one. Previously Sae asked you if you wanted to go by car “If you don’t trust me I can always call my driver” but you refused his offer, telling him that you’d bring him there gladly and with the perfect vehicle for such a sunny day.

“Good, get ready because my vehicle is amazing.” He bends his head a little, confused by your words, but doesn’t inquire more. He supposes it will be a surprise.

For sure it is a surprise, but not the good kind.

“It’s a bike.” His voice drips venom, but you brush it off.

“Not just a bike, it’s a graziella! Perfect to carry people on the back!” You say, slapping the bike rear-rack.

“It’s too low, it will be uncomfortable for my legs.” He retorts but you don’t desist, smiling back at him.

“In fact, you don’t have to sit, you have to stand up on it on completely trust my skills.” The face he makes is pure comedy, it’s a mixture of scared, anger and, as always, disgust. “C’mon mister Itoshi. I swear you can trust me, not even a bug will hit your precious legs, let alone the ground.” You hear him gulp and see the gears in his brain running, you wait a few seconds but the answer finally arrives.

“Okay, but if something happens to me you’ll pay with interest.” You nod and smile back sitting on the saddle. You soon feel the bike moving under you with the added weight. You start to pedal not wanting to lose balance and make you both fall on the ground and his hands immediately find support on your shoulder, gripping tight on them.

“Let’s go!” You shout, the bike is harder to manage but you push forward. The ride is silent, the summer breeze dancing around you two, only gasps can be heard from the guy standing on the back when you take a hole making both the bike and Sae jump. His hands aren’t as tight on you anymore, probably he is trying to trust you as best as he can, it’s pleasing to think he is starting to trust you, the feeling runs to your head becoming a pink fog that makes you feel dangerously well and uncaring. You are sure you would look like a postcard if someone took a photo right now, you feel so peaceful that it’s hard to imagine you look bad right now.

Dangerous because you almost don’t notice that you arrived at the aquarium, pulling harshly on the brakes almost making your guest jump off the bike if it wasn’t for his hands harpooning your shoulders.

“Sorry-“ You say in between your teeth, wincing at your mistake. You hear him scoff but he decides to not salt in the wound.

“Put the bike there, I’ll pay for the tickets.”

“Are you sure? I can pay for my own-“ He doesn’t even listen to you, walking to the ticket office without looking back at you once.

The visit was actually really fun, for you at least, Sae never expressed any kind of emotions, the corners of his lips a line that never twitched upwards or downwards. You see teals eyes looking around, but it seems nothing catches his attention. At least he stops when you ask, not a groan of disapproval, not a happy smile either.

“I like penguins.” You say looking at the glass separating you from the cute bird wobbly on its feet. A gasp of surprise escapes your mouth when one of them dives into the salty water to stop exactly in front of you. You pull at the end of Sae’s shirt, the excitement going straight to your head, too busy being ‘a finger apart’ than ruining your guest's clothes. You shout in happiness but the sound is drowned by the squalls of kids around you.

“I can see.” Finally, a hint of a smile appears on his face, but you are now too busy looking back at the penguins to notice it. Meanwhile, Sae is too busy looking at the features of your face, looking for once at you, not looking down on you. The blue and soft lights of the aquarium make you look like a dream, the joy in your eyes matching your smile.

Something moves inside him, it’s pleasant but it fades in a snap of a finger when you face him again, prompting him to walk towards the next glass. You talk about colorful jellyfish or something like that. It’s not that he is interested in anything there. After all, he accepted Elisa’s offer not to sound too rude even for his standard. But he thinks, that moment of happiness on your face was in part worth the deal.

Not that you’ll notice head entirely elsewhere.

“It was nice. Thanks for paying.” You are now outside, bike on hand while you walk near the seashore. The wind is stronger there, and more than once you shrink in your place, while the guy next to you is perfect, as always. A porcelain doll crafted by the most expert hands ‘too bad they didn’t lose another minute to work on his personality, tho’ you think.

“No problem. Can we stay here a minute longer?” Sae asks, but he is already still, as always it was an order, not a question. You nod, the sun is setting, painting the sea warm colors, waves are big but reduced to nothing when they arrive so near your feet. You see him breathing in, eyes closing to enjoy the moment.

“Do you like the sea, Itoshi?”

“Yes. I used to always visit the beach with my brother.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you have a sibling! Is he hot?” You chuckle, blossoming in full laughter after he sides eye you, annoyance mixing with the green of his eyes.

“He isn’t your type.” He clicks his tongue “You like handsome guys and he is not.” His voice is flat, as usual.

“Handsome guys? Yeah, I like them, obviously but why do you have this idea of me?”

“Simple-“ a smile, a real one, grace his features “You like me.” You gasp at his world, pushing his shoulder, but his body barely move.

“Mister Itoshi, your ego is way too big!” You puff out your cheeks, but there is no real anger in your words.

“Sae.”

“Mh?” The silence lasts very little but it feels like an eternity.

“Call me Sae.” His teal eyes link with yours. His voice is low, serious and makes your knees wobble a little. He looks happy, the sun painting beautiful shades on his fair skin. It’s honestly a breathtaking sight.

“Okay, Sae. Your ego is still too big!” You break the tension, too heavy all of a sudden. Too intense for two strangers who couldn’t even suffer each other.

Just too much.

The spell is broken and you see him wince, ‘probably he didn’t want to sound so intense’ you think telling him to go back home. The ride is silent, when midway it’s Sae who decides to talk.

“Why are people looking at us weird?”

“Maybe because you are a football superstar?”

“No, the look when people recognize me is different.” You hum, but you come up with another motivation quick.

“Maybe because you are the one being carried! Usually is the guy that carries around the woman.” You state, no malice in your words. He is silent for a few seconds.

“Let’s switch.”

“You don’t have to worry, I don’t care about this-“

“I said stop pedaling and switch places with me.”

“Stop ordering me around! Plus if you have never done that there is no way you can keep me-“

“If you don’t switch I’ll jump off the bike, I’ll hurt myself and do you remember what you promised me this afternoon?” You feel more of his weight on your shoulders like he wants to remind you of his upper position, just figurately now “I’ll make you you pay, remember?” It’s the same voice he used on you the first time you met and it made you reflexly pull the brakes, this time slower so he could jump off without any risk.

He sits on your place and clicks his head, as a sign for you to stand on the back.

“But if you hurt me? What do I gain?” Your voice is wobbly, not trusting him at all. Your hands grip tightly on his shoulders and you are sure there will be a red sign there tomorrow.

“I’ll kiss it better. Now shut up.” He starts pedaling, not checking you once. For sure you didn’t like his answer but jumping off now sounded like a good way to sprain your ankle.

“Do you know at least the road to go home!?” He takes a hole and makes you jump, you suppose it’s the karma for how you drove before

“…okay. Talk just to tell me where to go.”

You arrived home, safe and sound. You don’t kiss the ground just because you don’t want to act overdramatic, but feeling the ground under your feet with no wounds on your legs seems a real miracle. Elisa welcomes you both with a big smile, her eyes are tired but you notice a drop of happiness in her eyes so you do not worry. The week goes by naturally. You and Sae don’t banter as often, but calling what you have a friendship would be a stretch, Elisa still tries to push you into something more, but her attempts are failures, if not disasters most of the time. Thankfully Sae doesn’t dig further, not that he cares since he is so sure you have a mind-numbingly, heart-shattering crush on him anyway.

The real surprise comes when he goes back home, everyone is back to their normal life ‘till one day receives a message from an unknown number. It’s not a text, but a picture of you two, of when you were going to the aquarium since you were the one pedaling. There are ginormous texts on the sides probably it has been published by one of those gossip magazines you tend to avoid.

“Who are you?” You text back, and an answer will not be long in coming.

“Sae. Elisa gave me your number.” You smile thinking how happy she probably was when Sae asked for it. She was probably giggling like a schoolgirl.

“Why did you contact me? It’s a problem if we were seen together?”

“No” A dry texter, exactly what you expected.

“Then let me say; we really looked beautiful.” You write it with a heart bursting in happiness. You both looked happy, your faces radiating joy. You may not be an earth-shattering beauty but nobody would have been able to sincerely say you looked bad.

“We did.”

You are happy to know he feels the same.

5 months ago

You are at a beach party. Honestly, you would rather be somewhere else but after closing yourself for two months at home to pass your exams you need a bit of fresh air. Summer is now leaving its place to autumn, the days are still long, but at least the temperature is acceptable. Stars are shining high in the sky and everyone seems to enjoy the party. You wear a cute dress, ‘the one for good occasions’ you repeat to yourself. It’s not tight, the skirt is large enough that you can easily move around, but it hugs your waist before getting larger again on the chest area-

“Hey-“ Elisa elbows you “Sae is sitting on the couch all alone, why don’t you keep him company.” She laughs but this time it isn’t for the alcohol; she is just dumber because she could get with her crush, Leonardo. Actually, he was the one to set the party all teammates and their partners invited. You actually came thanks to Elisa's invite, but you would be lying if you said that it didn’t matter seeing Sae.

Something more keen to a friendship developed between you two during these months, the messages you exchanged a clear sign. What surprised you the most was that he also was the one to start conversations, asking if you were fine, checking if everything was okay. You had no other occasion to meet in person, between matches and studies you both had your hands full, so you don’t mind actually catching up with him.

“Hey sourpuss, it has been a while!” You plop down on the couch next to him. He widens his eyes in surprise, looking like a scared kitten, before returning to the bored expression, not even greeting you.

“Not even a hello? Bad night for our Casanova?” You chuckle as he clicks his tongue knowing full well you are teasing him.

“You know I’m not interested in a romantic relationship.” He is bored out of his mind and you decide to tease him some more…maybe you drunk too much.

“Well, it seems to me you are liking that girl over there. Your eyes are glued to her-“ You can’t finish the phrase, his index finger pressing against your lips.

“I never thought you were one for physical contact.”

“Never know you liked to drink this much either.” He takes the drink from your hand and takes a sip from it. “It actually tastes good.”

“I know it, you big bully! I just wanted to cheer you up and I get treated this way.” You whine. The redhead looks at you for a minute too long, pondering what to do, when his hand decides to find the crown of your head, patting you.

“Shh baby, everything is fine.” It’s a smile full of mirth and it reminds you that he is really handsome, in case your memory fails you. You must look like a pathetic cat in front of him, all pouty and a bit stupid thanks to alcohol.

“I just wanted to spend some time with you.” You whisper out, but for sure he could hear it, getting closer to you. This time you don’t see any mirth in his eyes, back to his usual seriousness so you decide to be direct with your feelings. “I missed you. That week living together made me really change my opinion of you.” This time you don’t whisper and you see Sae getting taken back by your words, batting his long lashes at your words. You can’t hold his gaze so you fix yourself on the fire in front of you, made to perfectly set the beach party atmosphere.

“Then we should meet more often.” You look back at him, but this time it’s Sae looking elsewhere, not at a specific person on the dancefloor, simply looking in front of him. “Taken with moderation it’s nice talking with you.” It’s his usual sarcasm and you feel melting, like he just removed a heavy weight you didn’t even know to carry.

“Okay, let’s promise!” You hold your pinky out and it makes Sae raise his eyebrow.

“I appreciate you wanting to integrate my culture, but we stop doing that after elementary sch-“

“Shhh, don’t break the magic! Just do it!” He sighs before rolling his eyes but at the end, he gives up intertwining your pinkies together.

“From now on we promise to see each other more often, like good friends!” The words roll from your mouth carelessly, even if you are serious about it. You feel Sae tightening your grip on your pinkie at the ‘good friends’ part but you don’t give it much importance.

“Are you next week?”

“Yes, I am now that exams ended! Do you have something in mind?” You ask a bit too excited.

“My manager told me to participate in a cooking video or something along those lines. He said it would be good for my image and they pay a lot, but-“

“You hate not being prepared, right?” You interrupt “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you a mouth-watering recipe!” And you compliment yourself for being really smooth when your hand, linked to his just by your pinkie, perfectly slides to hold it, palm to palm but not bold enough to intertwine fingers. Sae doesn’t jerk away from your touch if anything holding your hand tighter before nodding at your words. He holds your gaze and just then you notice how close his face is to yours, how there is just a whiff separating your lips…

“It’s time for the toasts! Everyone come!!” The shout of one of Sae's teammates awakes you both from the moment separating you two as quickly as you got near to each other. You don’t talk much to each other the rest of the night and you decide not to overthink what just happened, you probably drank too much and he probably was too tired to tell you to step back. For sure beach liked to play tricks on you.

Obviously, not overthinking was easier said than done, even with a pounding headache your mind started to wander and it only got worse when Sae texted his free day, to which you replied with a thumbs up. You aren’t worried about the recipe to make him cook, you have done it countless times and your mother sent you the right ingredients not so long ago. You are worried because maybe you are harboring feelings for him and you’d hate to tell him he was right all along. You can already see his smile, going from one ear to the other; you can accept being rejected, but not being made fun of.

Thankfully Lady Luck is on your side the day you finally meet up, but in a wicked way, making the chain of your bike drop something you had never to deal with. So when you hear the bell ringing your mind goes in tilt not being able to choose if panicking for your bike or for the guy in front of your door.

“Hi Sae.” You whisper out, leaning on your door.

“You are dirty.”

“Is this some new kind of dirty talking-“ He pushes you to the side, entering the house.

“So what happened? You look like a flea that just swam in petroleum.”

“You are always so delicate Sae.” You slump your shoulders before explaining what happened “I tried to watch a video to fix it myself but it was no use.”

“I can help, where is the bike?” You look up, hope shining in your eyes.

“Oh the garage is the first left door at the end of the corridor, but are you sure-“ Sae already walked away, the squeak of the garage door telling you he got the right door.

When you reach him he is already on his knees, fingers deftly working to put the greasy chain in its place.

“Done.” He flips the bike as easily as you’d flip a pancake, not even a sneer of fatigue appears. “Anything else?” You are shocked by how fast he fixed it.

“Aren’t you the one that doesn’t know anything other than football?”

“Yeah, but I had a childhood too. My little brother always messed it up. Do you have anything to wash the grease off?” You nod wanting the clean yourself up too.

“Now that we are all cleaned up, let’s cook! Today I want to teach you how to make tortellini, a type of stuffed pasta, have you ever heard of it?” The red hair waves his head left and right, you see curiosity in his eyes and it makes something bubble in you. “I have already done the filling, it’s easy to make later I’ll tell you the ingredients, but now let’s focus on the dough. As you can see I did a little fountain with the flour and we will have to put the yolks and the eggs white inside, like this-“ You show it to him, his teal eyes still fixed on your movements “Now grab a fork and start to mix, not everything together, just a bit and then always more until you can start to knead with your hands.” This is the worst part, the dough is hard and you need a lot of strength to mix it to perfection. “Wanna give me a hand?” You gasp already tired. He nods, but you didn’t expect him to help in this way.

His right hand locks with yours, the other already at the bottom of the dough, and his chest is impossibly close to your back. You feel his chin on top of your shoulder, his breath hitting your neck.

It’s intimate, too intimate for your standards.

“H-Hey thanks but you don’t need to hug the chef to do it, you know?” You chuckle awkwardly, trying to move your head far from his, but his body caging you doesn’t let you move far.

“Mh? Sorry I thought it could work better. Feeling how your fingers work on the dough and everything.” It sounds like a poor excuse even for your ears, but you brush it off his arms not blocking you anymore; probably he just needed affection or something like that.

You move to the side, watching him knead, but your eyes soon travel up, to his face noticing a new detail…

“You have freckles?”

“I get them when I tan, I hate them.” The corner of his plush lips turn downwards, his hands working harsher on the dough.

“Why? They make you more human.”

“What are you saying? That I’m a cyborg?” He stops, green irises gazing straight into yours.

“I’m saying that looking ‘imperfect’ makes you more beautiful Sae.” You say it as a universal truth, your voice doesn’t waver, and your eyes don’t either. This time it’s he who has to break the eye contact, you see him biting his inner cheek.

“So now?” He points at the dough.

“Now we have to roll it out. We should use a rolling pin, but it is too much of a pain so we’ll use another device-”

“No, let me do the old way. I’m not a weakling like you.” His voice drips of malice and the urge to knock his head with the rolling pin is harder than ever.

“Okay then, use it. I’m curious to see how you’ll handle it.” Sae takes it from your hand and tries to use it. The shape wouldn’t even be bad if it wasn’t so poorly distributed, some places thin others awfully thick, plus you can see he isn’t using the right muscles, making him more sore than he should be.

“You are terrible, can’t you see it all has different thickness? Move let me show you how to do it.” You push him away, no real force In your movement but he moves away, giving you the rolling pin with a provocative demeanor. “We say you have to make love with the dough, use your hips like this and you won’t have to use all your arm strength. Now do it.” You give the utensil back, Sae nods eyes filled with concentration.

Too bad he keeps making the same mistake. You click your tongue “Sae, do I have to teach you how to make love?” You snicker when he sides-eye you.

“Okay mister icicle, let me show you again how to do that.” Your hands lay on his hips but you look at his face to understand if you crossed any boundary, but he doesn’t say anything, to say the truth he doesn’t even look at you, so you take it as consent. “Instead of using just your arm strength, help yourself with a push of the hips like this-“ You move it synched with his hands twice, before letting go of the hold you have on him. “Yeah, that’s exactly how you should do it!” You notice Sae smiling, it lasts very little but it is there and you feel really proud of his work.

Then you teach him how much filling is needed inside and how to close them up.

“I can’t do it, my fingers are too chubby, see?” The half-made tortellino’s dough tears in his hands that are, in fact, a bit too chubby to deftly close it.

“Hey, don’t trash it away! You can’t fix it but you can always have…an early taste.” You reply, winking at him.

“But won’t it be dangerous? The filling is cooked, but the pasta-“

“I swear you won’t die superstar, I’ve done it countless times and I’m as healthy as you are.” You say smacking his shoulder, but by the look, the redhair isn’t fully convinced. “C’mon try it!” You spur him like a granny urging her nephew to eat her home-cooked meal.

The shine in Sae’s eyes after the bit of food hit his tastebuds is a telltale sign that you really nailed the recipe. Not that you had any doubt to start with.

You finish closing them up and invite him for dinner telling him that Elisa is out so she won’t mind. Sae refuses your offer, his manager needs to see him so they’ll dine together.

“Well at least bring back home a bag of these!”

“Won’t you die of starvation?”

“Don’t act stupid, I won’t give you them all, I’m not that nice!” You prepare two servings “In case you want to share a meal with a special guest.” He replies with a huff, but you don’t care, knowing well how he can be.

“See you soon Sae.”

“If that raw pasta will kill me my lawyer will bang at your door.” He replies already out and walking towards the driver he called before.

“Don’t be overdramatic, it doesn’t suit you, ice man.” He smiles back at you behind the window of his car but you can’t see him since it is tinted.

From that day you don’t hear him until the famous cooking video he told you about appear on your screen. Obviously, they made him cook something way easier, too bad he had a blindfold on and his teammate had to tell him what to do.

“I hope your teamwork works better on the football field.” You text him, a winking emoji at the end.

His answer doesn’t long in coming “Worry more about your exams.” It hurts you more than being run over by a car.

3 months before

“Sae can you pick me up?”

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing that bad, but could you?”

“Send me your position, I’m coming.”

“Thanks” You sniff.

You are not used to crying, or better, you are not used anymore. Years of university thickened your skin enough to be able to deal with most wounds.

Most, not all.

You studied hard for this exam, it was one of the few ones you had to do to finally get your degree, one step closer to reaching your dream. But you failed it, and now you’ll have to wait months before being able to take it again. You didn’t meet with anybody, barely talked with Elisa, and you share a bedroom with her, skipped meals to be sure not to lose time, and repeated the paragraphs till your voice gave out.

All of this for a fist of nothing.

You cried and gasped the moment you were far enough from the classroom. Weakness isn’t accepted and pity is a sign you won’t survive long in this world; this is what you’ve been taught. You forgot how shit you could feel while crying, how lonely you are. You wanted to call your parents, they have always been good at reassuring you, but then Sae's name was the first contact to appear and you clicked without thinking twice.

Maybe harsh love is what you need.

You regret your choice the second you hear the first thrill. He must be training, maybe he is in the sweet company of someone, you can already hear his ice-cold voice snapping at you for bothering him. But you don’t have the time to close the call, Sae picked it up and was coming to help.

You recognize the car, it was the same one that picked him up when he went back home from his house, but this time he is the one driving.

“Come in.”

You sit on the soft leather. While you waited for him you tried to dry up your tears to improve your current condition, but to no avail; eyes still red and puffy and some tears still escaping.

“Are you bri-bringing me home?” You brokenly say between gasps.

“No. What happened?” Sae’s eyes stay fixed on the road, raindrops fall on the windshield, ironic how the weather matches your mood.

He snaps his fingers in front of you, bringing you back to earth so you start to tell him what happened.

“I know I must sound so-so dumb but-“ Gasps keep interrupting you “I feel like a failure. Maybe I am.” You look at him, your vision is foggy due to the new tears, but this time he looks back at you. You didn’t even notice he stopped the car, now off the road.

But what it comes to surprise you. No harsh words, no sarcasm.

Sae hugs you, hands patting your back.

“Everyone fails, even cyborg guys like me. Everything can be fixed and a little misstep on the road doesn’t define you as a person.” He pulls away, face relaxed, and goes back to driving.

“One hamburger and a chips portion.”

Were you parked in a fast-food lot? You were so out of your mind and outside is so dark that you didn’t notice. You have been silent, still recovering from the hug and those words that sounded so encouraging and not like Sae at all.

“Why the chips? You don’t like them.” It’s the first thing you are able to blabber, at least you didn’t stutter anymore.

“This isn’t for me. It’s for you.” The redhair says putting the paper bag on your legs “Junk food can be nice once in a while. And stop crying-“ the back of his curled index finger swipes away a lone tear running down your face “I hate looking at ugly stuff and tears reduce you to a really ugly mess.”

Ah, the old Sae is back. You can finally recognize him, with all his rude comments. But something inside you blossoms while he drives you back home and you bite into your hamburger.

Does it mean he finds you beautiful every other time? You feel blood running to your face for a minute you hear a whistle in your ears, but you impose yourself not to bash your head around it. Now you have to find a nice way to explain the situation to Elisa without making her worried sick and hide who brang you home to avoid her dumb smile and endless teasing that would come your way. You look outside the car window, mind already wandering somewhere else.

In the end, Elisa discovered everything, for sure Sae insisting on bringing you inside crumbled to pieces your plan, and your mood was too devasted to be able to efficiently hide your feelings. At least your attention wasn’t on the football star anymore.

Your mind already planned to think about them for the next weeks anyway.

Today. Night

“I suppose the date didn’t go as planned.” Sae doesn’t move, no intention of shielding your body under the umbrella.

“No, but it was my fault.” ‘Because I’m in love with you’ you add in your brain. “You want to know what happened?”

“Not really.”

“Bad for you because I’ll tell you anyway.” You joke between gasps. Sae doesn’t move away but he keeps looking down on you. “He was so nice, he took me to the restaurant and even wanted to pay. The small talk was incredible and we have a lot in common-“ You look down, not able to keep his gaze “But my heart is for someone who considers me barely a friend-“ Your hands now cover your face “And then when I arrived here to cry in peace a couple walked in front of me being all cute and I crumbled.”

“It could have been us.”

“Umh?” You can finally gaze back into his eyes, liquid fury while looking down at you.

“Who is the guy you have a crush for? The loser-“

“It’s you. You are the loser.” Your brain still struggles to phantom what is happening. You were freezing cold a few minutes ago, you couldn’t feel the apex of your fingers, but now you don’t feel anything.

But something inside Sae’s mind clicked before yours, the umbrella waving left and right, the grip on it clearly loosened.

“You are an imbecile.” His words are sharp knives on your body, but you can’t grasp in pain because something is pressing on your lips.

Sae is kissing you, his cold hands gripping you by the collar of your dress to keep you close, raindrops fall down from his cheeks to yours, the umbrella is left abandoned in a bush, the wind tearing it apart.

“For how long?” He pulls you up from the bench, his right hand gripping yours while the left one is on your back.

“The exam fail.” You whisper almost in a trance “And you?”

“Let’s go home-“ He starts to run out from the park, calling for a cab to bring you both to, you suppose, your house. You notice him looking around, probably searching for a place to shield your bodies from the rain; not that you have much to protect anymore both wet from head to toe.

“It has been longer...Sae! That’s why you have always teased me.” You finally laugh shivers of cold and joy running down your back. “Sae!” You shout stopping in your tracks. Sae turns back but doesn’t have time to snap at you, this time it’s you kissing him. Your hands go to caress his cheeks, one hand sliding a bit back to scratch the back of his neck. You probably nailed the right point, because you hear him moan into your mouth. His hands slide lower caressing your waist to your hips, but never brave enough to go to your backside.

Or better, when you feel him sliding closer…

“Mister Itoshi, come in the car!” his driver came to pick you up, using the horn two times to announce his presence.

Sae looks at him, gnashing his teeth before looking back at you, his expression getting softer again. “Let’s go” he kisses you in between your eyebrows before pulling you towards his car.

“Okay, but you’ll have to tell me when you fell in love with me.” You feel the hold on your hands tightening, no need to look at his face to understand what’s going on in his head.

Maybe he’ll kiss you dumb to make you forget about that. Maybe he’ll be brave enough to propose showering together…your mind starts to daydream, maybe he won’t have the courage and you’ll have to take the reins, but one thing is sure.

You’ll both be happy.

#bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #blue lock imagines #itoshi sae #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you

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lixie-phoria · 3 months

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↳ ♡₊˚. rest please ꒱

9th!member reader falling sick from overwork and stress

requested - yes // Would you be able to possibly do a skz x ninth reader where she’s not feeling well and like throws up everywhere, and chan and the members help her though her not feeling well then specifically chan?

gn!reader x ot8 // warnings - reader is overworked, faints, mentions of diets, reader throws up (lmk if I missed anything!)

there is only one bang chan. you're sure of it. but as you stand up from the floor of the dance room, you see double images of your leader looking at you in confusion.

"yn?"

his voice resonates through your head, like an echo from someplace far, concern woven through his urgency.

you should probably reply to him, right?

"yn? can you hear me?"

when he steps forward, the world shifts. a searing pain runs across your head, like a red hot spike drilling into your skull.

"wha-"

you see it happen in the mirror - your figure collapsing onto the ground, jeongin's panicked yell, and the thud that follows immediately after before everything goes black.

it was just the three of you in the practice room that day, the others too busy with vocal training or recording or filming. it was comeback season, and to top things off your solo project was nearing too, closely following the release of your group album. and to say that you were overworked was an understatement. you don't remember the last time you slept for longer than an hour.

your days revolved around practice, recording, photo shoots, diets, promotions, and what not. this was busiest you have ever been, and it was slowly starting to show.

you register a dull pain in your upper arm and the throbbing of your head as you blink up at the bright ceiling lights glaring at you. you're covered in sweat, lying on the couch with your head awkwardly propped up against it's arm rest.

"she's up!" someone shouts as your senses return to you slowly. you're still in the dance room, but everything feels stuffy. someone is pressing an ice pack against your forehead.

"yn you scared us!"

all the members seem to have assembled in the dance room, crowding over your figure.

"what happened?" your voice is hoarse and your head feels groggy as you sit up, leaning away from felix as he tries to push you back down.

"you fainted! you were out for nearly fifteen minutes!"

"what?"

"yeah. scared the life out of chan hyung," jeongin adds.

"of course she did! do you know how worried we were?"

you feel mortified. you can't believe you fainted in the middle of practice.

"are you ok? does anything hurt? you fell pretty hard."

you shake your head - no. of course, the pounding in your head was getting worse and you were sure you bruised your arm but you weren't going to tell them that. being the maknae meant they already babied you a lot. there was no way you would admit how sick you felt.

"alright good. let's leave then."

"leave?" you stare at chan in confusion as he goes to unplug his phone from the speaker.

"yeah. you don't think we're going to let you dance after this, right?"

your eye twitches in mild annoyance as you listen to him speak so matter of factly.

"how come i don't have a say in this?"

"because the last time we let you have your say, you passed out."

"i'm ok! i don't need a break," you hiss, eyes narrowing as chan turns to look at you exasperated.

"yn-"

"i passed out, so what? big deal! you can't just call off practice when we have an album coming out!"

your voice escalates as you snap, and the others look at you in shock.

"yn calm down-"

"stop asking me to calm down!"

you don't know where the burst of annoyance was coming from, but it was strong and red hot, urging you to take it out on your members.

"i'm fine! stop treating me like a baby!"

you push away felix's hand from your shoulder, standing up to prove your point.

but that was a big mistake.

an ugly feeling immediately rises up your chest, slithering through your throat as the world tilts again and the lights blink at you.

"fuck."

you were far from fine, and that is the last thing you register before pushing past lee know and han, running out of the room and to the nearest washroom you can find, heaving your insides out.

it's terrible, kneeling on the ground as your head pounds worse than ever and flashes fill your vision.

"yn!"

you distantly register chan's panicked voice as he skids into your cubical, wasting no time in kneeling down right beside you, pulling your hair up into a makeshift pony.

"i need you to breath, ynnie. let it all out," he whispers softly, rubbing a soothing hand up and down you back as your body tembles from the gags.

a small part of you wonders what chan is doing in the washroom, before realizing that in your hurry you probably ran into the common staff bathroom.

"are you feeling better?"

chan's hands hover behind your back as you weakly get to your feet, mustering the energy to pull the flush and rinse your mouth with water.

you can do nothing but nod, slumping against him as you exit the bathroom, and his hands immediately clasp your waist, holding you up.

"i'm so sorry," you mumble, closing your eyes as you let him guide you to wherever he decided was best.

"it's not your fault."

"i shouldn't have yelled at you."

"it's ok, yn. we all have our bad days."

you feel the cold breeze on your face as you open your eyes to see he's walking you out of the building's back door, with your manager waiting with the car.

"if I take you to the dorms will you please rest?"

your brain wants to refuse. you need to perfect your choreography. you don't have time for rest.

but your body is an entirely different story. you can barely walk or see straight.

"ok."

your voice is small, and chan immediately knows you're reluctant.

you hear him sigh softly as he helps you into the car before climbing in himself.

"ynnie, please rest. or you'll get worse and might not recover until the release day. wouldn't that be worse?"

he does have a point.

"and taking a break is okay. you're doing so well, you don't have to push yourself when there's nothing you're lacking in."

he ruffles your hair softly as you lean into the seat.

"thank you."

"don't thank me when I didn't even realise how overworked you were until you literally collapsed!"

you laugh softly, slightly leaning down to rest your head against his shoulder.

"don't blame your-"

you're cut off when Chan's ringtone blares into the silence and he jumps slightly, fishing out the device from his pocket.

"fuck."

"what's wrong?" You turn to look at his steadily paling face.

"I forgot to tell the others you're okay and I'm taking you back to the dorms."

"shit," you agree, wincing as chan hesitantly slides the accept button.

"hello...?"

"YAH WHERE ARE YOU BOTH WE'VE BEEN SEARCHING THE BUILDING FOR THE PAST 10 MINUTES IS YN OKAY?"

lee know is loud, and chan has to lean away from his phone as the second oldest's voice comes out loud enough as though he's on speaker.

"minho-ah I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you guys. She's okay now we're going to the dorms."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT?"

you sigh before taking the phone from chan as his wince deepens.

"I'm okay. I'm so sorry for worrying you but please calm down."

the change in lee know's voice is so immediate it earns a snort from chan.

"oh yn, of course! Please take care, I'll bring back some soup and ramen for you when we come back from practice."

"thank you! Now please stop worrying."

you hand back chan his phone as he flashes you a grateful smile.

"i hope he brings me back ramen and soup too."

©lixie-phoria, 2024

taglist - @foxinnie8 @hamburgers101 @starlostlaiba @jiisungllvr (send an ask to be added/removed)

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animelovelover123 · 7 months

Text

DMC Boys x Reader – Taking Your Virginity Headcanons

Parings: Dante, Reboot Dante, Vergil, Reboot Vergil, Nero, V x Reader

Synopsis/Author's Note: Headcanons for how the Devil May Cry boys would treat you if you were to offer them your first time.

Disclaimer: Some of these stories have moments that should not be replicated. Not all of these guys handle the situation the best and, if applied to real life, it can result in some hurt feelings, anger, and/or sadness. You all be safe, use your wits and gut feelings out there when you have your first time/give someone their first time.

Science Fact I Learned For This: A girl's hymen is NOT some wall/barrier that is broken through. It is a tissue that naturally has a hole in it big enough to let menstrual blood through. The whole idea of it hurting and/or bleeding the first time a girl has penetrative sex is because it may not be used to being stretched that far and can tear, not because it is punctured/broken through. There are, of course, exceptions to this but this is the general idea. Some people may have known this but in case you didn’t, you just learned something today like me! ^^

Dante

His reaction and treatment will change a bit depending on his age (aka what game time you are in) but many things will be consistent.

He always understands how much trust and courage it takes to give someone your first time and it means a lot to him that you want to choose him.

Whether he is in his late teens and gives you a shocked expression then a giddy smile as he says “Wait, really? Thanks! I’ll be sure to give you the time of your life.” or in his early 40s where he pauses for a moment to process before giving you a patient and gentle smile, saying “Of course, I’d be honoured to.”, he appreciates the gesture and does not take it for granted. Although, the older he is the more touched he is that you wanted to do this with him of all people.

This is not to say he isn’t going to make jokes and be silly about it. He takes the moment with all due respect, but he can’t help cracking jokes as that is just who he is. Secretly though, he is also trying to get you to lighten up about the idea. He knows how stressful losing your virginity can be, hell he went through it himself, and he hoped that by making light of it he could offer some levity to what he knows is going to inevitably be an awkward and uncomfortable time. If you can laugh at the mishaps instead of curling up and dying a bit inside, then his jokes have done their job.

Though not all of his jokes will land and may seem a bit insensitive at times, know that he is never laughing at you or mocking you, just trying to make you smile and relax.

When the night comes, he does what he can to make you feel secure. He locks all the doors and unplugs the phone to avoid interruptions. He offers you food and a bath before you start, and takes a shower himself. He makes preparations, like getting water, condoms, and lube, and lays them out so that you can see them and feel secure by their presence. And he will have a conversation with you beforehand.

If you try to fight the conversation, he will dip into his hardly ever used mature-adult mode.

“Hey now, no hiding from this babe.” Dante chuckles lightly as he gently pulls the pillow away from your face. “I know it’s embarrassing but we gotta talk about this, at least this first time, okay?”

He needs to make some things clear, define boundaries, and try to explain what to expect. He continues to throw in jokes to lighten the mood or will otherwise smile at you sympathetically, inwardly finding your bashfulness endearing.

He takes things nice and slow, verbally asking for consent and telling you what he intends to do so as to not catch you off guard.

He also takes into account what makes you feel secure. For example, do you feel better being covered by his body, whether he kneels over you or partially lays on you? Does the pressure and closeness calm you? Then he will do that. Or, alternatively, would that freak you out and make you feel trapped? If so then he will stay sitting up or lying beside you to give you space and so you see that you can escape if you want, not that he was holding you there, but it is an unconscious thing.

If your hymen does end up tearing it is not quite as panic-inducing as it could be thanks to Dante warning you beforehand that you might feel pain and that he stays calm, acting as an anchor while you settle from the sting.

He will stop. Not pulling out or pushing forward, just sit inside you and coddle you until you are ready. And if you have any questions like “What happened?”, “Am I going to be okay?”, and “Why does it hurt so much?”, he will patiently answer them with little to no jokes as he knows this is probably the most emotionally and physically intense part of a woman losing her virginity.

If at any point you panic and tell him that you want to stop, he will stop but not retreat. He will hold his position for a moment, let you breathe, and then ask how you are feeling. Do you really want to stop, because he will, or are you just anxious? After dating you for a while, he has gotten really damn good at knowing when you are overwhelmed and just need a break.

If you do truly want to stop though, or are generally not enjoying yourself, he will stop. He won't be upset or take it personally. He knows losing your v-card is a lot to handle and sometimes, no matter how sexy and skilled your partner may be, you may just not be into it. He can relate. He will even tell you of some of his sexual misadventures if he thinks it will make you laugh.

Either way, he will want to push aside any negative emotions you are feeling as soon as possible and bring back your smile. And maybe tomorrow you two can talk about what you didn’t like and how to make things better for you in the future.

He finds you and your flustered reactions adorable. He has done this dance quite a few times and some of the sweet intimacy feelings have faded over the years, but seeing you get bashful or excited warms his heart.

And when, if everything goes well, you do cum, Dante just wants to watch you flex, twist, moan, and enjoy your first orgasm.

He isn’t picky about whether he finishes this first time around or not. He will try of course so you can feel the full extent of his desire for you. But if you are completely tuckered out, he can settle without, and maybe even make a joke about it.

As you drift down from your high Dante lays beside you with an at-peace smile, playing with your hair, basking in your happiness.

Once you are down on earth again though he is back to his talkative self. Mostly making jokes and asking if you’re hungry.

“How about we order pizza, turn on some trash TV, and cuddle the night away.”

He does not ask how he did as your clear pleasure was plenty enough for him to know he was treating you well. If you do take the time to praise or thank him though, you’ll get to see a softer version of his proud smile paired with a rare blush as he thanks you in return.

Reboot Dante

It depends if you are a random person he met at a club or his partner.

If you are random and you tell him you have never had sex before, he will want to back out. Not because he finds that gross or a turn-off, it’s more so that he himself regrets how he had his first time and doesn’t want someone else’s to be like this.

Dante probably had his first sexual experience far younger than he should have, like 13-14 yours old, with an older woman, out of a desire to act older than he actually was, his street kid lifestyle, and fuck-authority mindset. As an adult, and as he gains more stable and healthy relationships through Kat and Vergil, he is starting to realize how that negatively affects him.

He does not fully understand how it messed with him, he isn’t emotionally mature enough for that yet, but he does know that he doesn’t really want to ruin someone else’s first time if he can help it.

He can’t really articulate this though, still too attached to some toxic masculine pride traits and the aforementioned lack of emotional maturity, so he will say some things like “You sure? Don’t you want to pop your cherry with someone you love or some shit like that?”

If you are his partner, he will think the same thing but probably won’t say it out loud.

Either way, he is going to have a tough time. He knows he should be slower, gentler, and comforting but that’s not really his style, so he is out of his element.

If he has advance warning, as in you are his partner and told him at some point that you were a virgin, and the time grows close, he will awkwardly go to Kat for advice. And, if he really loved you (and he was a bit drunk), he may just work up the nerve to ask his brother how to be a gentleman for you.

No matter what though, he is kind of awkward about it.

He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it because that is stupid, cheesy, and would put more pressure on you both to perform well. This helps in the beginning, making it so the lead-up of kisses, gropes, and rubbings are casual and playful.

As soon as you start to grow nervous and hesitant though, the switch is flipped and Dante is not the same. He will do his damnedest to keep up the cool and confident aura on the outside, but the nerves on the inside will leak out eventually.

He spends the whole time flipping between holding himself back, worrying about how he is doing, and agitation. He is so strung up that he honestly cannot really enjoy it, especially not in a sexually satisfying way. But he at least understands that this is not about him or his pleasure.

This first time, and probably the next handful of goes, it is about you. That does not stop him from jerking off later to get it out of his system and to make sure he doesn’t lose control on you.

He does, however, gain some satisfaction if you are able to enjoy yourself. Even if he is not able to be sexually gratified due to preferring rougher sex and not being able to have that with you this first time, to see you cum and be overall pleased by the end makes it worth all the struggle he went through.

On the other hand, if you are dissatisfied or request to stop in the middle, he is upset. He isn’t angry with you, he is angry at himself for fucking up so bad, though he can’t communicate this properly in the moment so it may come off badly.

If things go that wrong, he may just want to split up for the night.

If you are someone he just met that night at a club, he will send you home. He won’t be a total ass and just kick you out. He will at least walk you home or somewhere where you can make the rest of the trip yourself/with friends safely, but he can’t stand the awkwardness and emotions of having you stay the night after that.

If you are his partner, he will suggest that he just leave, even if you are at his place/in his room. You can convince him to stay, though he doesn’t have the heart to simply cuddle after he, as far as he is concerned, ruined things, so you would have to do something else like watch a movie to get your minds off of it.

If applicable, you can try to assure him all you want that he did nothing wrong and it was your own nerves/insecurities, and Dante may say he understands, but it is easy to tell that he 100% blames himself.

This guilt is even worse if your hymen ends up tearing because holly shit. He knows it can happen to some women, but he is not properly educated on this stuff and he has never seen it. To him, a bit of blood, even during sex, was not unheard of and never really bothered him. But if you start to cry, scream, and/or panic, he freaks out. He pulls out of you right away and starts asking what's wrong, even if somewhere in his racing mind he knows what is wrong. You can convince him to continue but he is rattled after that.

Post sex, assuming everything went well, he will be on edge. He is used to long nights of multiple rounds of foreplay and sex, sometimes with multiple people. So, going just one round, which possibly didn’t bring him to orgasm, at least not a fully satisfying one, left him with a lot of pent-up energy.

Depending on how wound up he is, he may try to gently encourage you to keep going by lavishing your neck in kisses, licks, and little bites, and grinding against you. But if you make it clear that you are done, he will back off.

He will cuddle you until you fall asleep, then probably slip off to a shower to finish himself. He will come back though and fall asleep wrapped around you, finding himself oddly satisfied. Not sexually satisfied, nor satisfied in the idea that he got to take a virgin. Instead, it was a satisfaction in making you happy for your first time, something he secretly wishes he was with his own, and you having chosen to share it with him.

Vergil

Vergil is maybe not be the best pick to have your first time with. He is proud, straightforward, and is also lacking in tact. This can make him come off as cold, unsympathetic, or even cruel.

He does care about you and does not want to hurt you, physically or emotionally, but he can’t communicate this well and his usual way of telling people there is no need to worry is by asserting that they are foolish and are wasting their breath on needless indecision.

This is first seen when you let slip that you are a virgin. He blatantly asks why you are telling him this.

“I care for you; you care for me. At some point we may consummate our bond through physical means. What does it matter how much experience either of us have in such things?”

If he were to articulate his thoughts and feelings better, he would further explain that he does not see sex as anything that special or as a requirement in a relationship. It is simply another, more primal and physically gratifying, way to express affection and trust. And to eventually create spawn but that comes further down the line.

He may need to have someone, whether it be you or his brother or even a mutual acquaintance like Lady, explain to him how emotionally taxing it can be for someone to have their first time. He will take note of it and be more conscious of your possibly complicated emotions on this, but his actions won’t really change.

He does not press you for it; he just waits until the moment feels right and then whisks you away to his bedroom.

If you show hesitation, he will push you to make up your mind. Again, he is not intending to make you feel pressured or like he does not care. He wants you to make a decision and follow through with it.

Do you want to stop here? Then say so clearly so you both do not waste time fanning the flames of passion just to snuff them out at their hottest moment and regret it after.

Do you want this now? Do you want him now? Then take him. Don’t concern yourself with the trivial restrictions of human societal limitation or personal doubt on how one of your gender, situation, or age should act. Grab hold of the moment by the reins, charge forward, and take what you both desire.

Vergil is not overly gentle with you, even if it is your first time. What point is there in treating you like you are made of glass when it will not properly prepare you for truly passionate lovemaking?

Besides, considering he has inhuman speed and power, can transform into a demon, and has an innate desire to breed, he is showing restraint.

If you start to panic and ask him to wait, that it’s too much, slow down, or something to that extent he will scoff. He’ll assert that you are fine and that there is no need to worry. Despite his verbal dismissal, he will stop or slow down as you requested and give you space to adjust.

If he does end up tearing your hymen, he is considerate enough to stop for a moment but will soon get back into it. In his mind, if you dwell on the pain it will only make it worse.

Besides, he believes you to be an intelligent woman so you should be well aware of what dangers lie in being penetrated for the first time. If you don’t, well you are more naïve than he thought.

Similarly to before though, despite what he says he will indeed halt his movements if you believe it would be better or you fall into distress. And while you come to terms with the pain, he reassures you of your strength in ways that may seem a bit harsh, but he means it to be motivating.

“This hurdle is nothing you can’t handle.”

“Do not falter at this small inconvenience.”

“This pain you feel is nothing in comparison to what you have conquered before.”

And when you do push past this, his lips quirk up into a proud smile. He does not praise you out loud though. Instead, he rewards you by lavishing attention on one of your multiple sensitive spots he has already identified and memorized for later use.

He will finish. It doesn’t matter if it is alongside you or if he has to keep pistoning into you while you tremble and whimper in overstimulation.

He claims that it is the price to pay when you have relations with someone. If either participant is left unsatisfied then it is a failure on both ends, the satisfied being a dishonourable thief and the unsatisfied being too weak to fight for what is owed to them.

Secretly though, Vergil was also quickly getting hooked on the sensation of you clinging to him, inside and out, and so he could not stop himself.

If he senses any dissatisfaction from you, he takes it as a personal insult. He will dive back in, no matter your flustered reaction or lack of energy. His ability to pleasure you shall not be questioned so if it takes an hour of pounding into you or burying his face into your core then so be it. Neither of you will rest until you are completely satisfied or your mind and body are numb from pleasure.

When all is said and done, he is quiet. It may seem like he is unhappy or uninterested, but in reality, his mind and body are still buzzing and he is struggling more than he ever has in his life to relax and focus.

Once he does find some clarity he gets up without a word and lifts you into his arms. He is able to hide how weak his legs are at the moment as he carries you to the bath so you may cleanse yourself and relax your muscles in the hot water.

He has no intention of joining you as he would rather address the inconvenient consequences of lovemaking. Condoms need to be thrown away or packed up. The bed sheets need to be removed and thrown in the wash, and then new ones dug out to replace them. Sleeping attire needed to be gathered.

He explains this to you matter-of-factly. But if you look up at him with those pleading, hopeful, beautiful eyes and ask him to stay, he can’t find it in himself to refuse you.

Reboot Vergil

When you first tell him you are a virgin as he briskly types away at his laptop, he initially responds with the same level of interest as if you just told him your favourite colour. Firstly, he is busy with work, as he always is. Secondly, being around Dante has desensitized Vergil so much that any mention of sex and its many facets would pass through his head like a gentle breeze while he keeps his focus on what he is doing.

It could take minutes, it could take hours, but eventually it will click. It hits Vergil like a truck when he realizes what you, his girlfriend, were trying to insinuate when you told him you were a virgin.

He feels stupid.

He feels excited.

And he feels a rush of pride and superiority at the implication that you want him to take your virginity. Out of all the people you have met before, or would ever meet, it was he who won your heart and would be gifted the treasure of taking your innocence.

He casually and calmly brings up the topic again the next time he sees you just to clarify. And when you do, his heart is sent racing while his mind starts formulating the perfect plan.

Thoughts of you quickly take over his mind. He can still focus on work when he needs to, but if he finds himself stuck with a particularly tedious or uninvolved task, such as watching security footage or waiting for his specially made virus to copy and send him all of the data in a company’s database, his mind wanders. And though his thoughts had occasionally drifted to you before, now that he knows what is to come in your relationship, you are all he can think about. This results in him planning a date for your first time together rather than letting it happen naturally.

He will make an event out of it. You two will spend the whole day together, or longer if he has the free time to whisk you away to a vacation, where he gives you his undivided attention and affection. And at the end of the day, he will take you to a luxury suit he booked both because he wanted to keep the dreamlike feeling of the day going and because he did not want to spoil your first time by having you somewhere dark, cold, and crawling with people demanding his attention like The Order headquarters.

He won't throw you down on the bed the moment you step through the door though, no. He will want to spend some time lounging in the suit with you, maybe drinking a bit, eating, talking, all with soft music playing from somewhere. And sprinkled throughout will be tantalizing touches and eye contact to build anticipation.

You two could be talking on the couch and his hand will slide onto your leg, hold still or give a couple of squeezes until he knows you have noticed, then run up and down your leg. Maybe he’ll pull you into a slow dance where you are either forced to look at one another, faces so close your warm breaths mingle together, or you are pressed together so close that you can feel each other's heartbeats. Or he will simply watch you lovingly, not saying a word, until you notice his lack of response and turn to him. He’ll hold your gaze for an agonizing few seconds, then his smile will twist into a grin, his tongue will peak out to lick at his lips as he looks down at yours, or he will bite his bottom lip while raking his eyes over your body. Then he’ll suddenly return to the conversation like nothing happened while secretly reveling in how frazzled he made you without speaking a word or touching you.

He will give you, through just trying to have a good time and directly offering, alcohol and medication beforehand. Nothing that could impair you, only enough to dull the possible pain. He will respect your decision if you decline, but he will have still bought numbing lubricant.

When it comes to actually doing it, he is more of a sensual lover so he is used to a slower and gentler experience.

He is intent on being in control, as he always wants to be, so he will insist that you don’t have to do anything but lay back and enjoy yourself while he takes care of everything.

For example, he will gracefully peel away your clothes and soon after strip himself for you so that you can both bear yourself to each other without any more barriers. This way he can: feel the trust you have in him, and he can show you that it is well placed; enjoy the slow, tantalizing reveal of your body; and get to feel the boost of pride at how you marvel at his body, which you have not yet seen due to his inclination to wear full pants and his coat or long sleeve shirts.

If you start to fuss for whatever reason he will hush and shush you in that gentle, soothing way. With a hand lightly caressing your face, an expression of mature reassurance, and voice in a soft whisper, he’ll say things like “shh, it's alright. I’ve got you; I won't let anything bad happen to you as long as you are here in my arms” and “hush darling, none of that self-doubt, you are doing perfectly”.

This is also his approach to if your hymen tears. The pain will be less severe due to one, or multiple, of the ways he has numbed you and that area, but he knows there is always a chance that the pain will be too great to fully abolish. So as you cry he will hold you, caress you, and assure you that you are fine. Nothing is wrong, this is natural, and that it will be well worth it. You just have to trust in him and his promise to take care of you.

If you demand to stop or are unsatisfied somehow, he will pointedly ask you what he did wrong. He will keep up a calm, patient, in-control demeanour as he fishes for information and reasons, but on the inside he is furious.

He had worked so hard, done so much research, meticulously guided the experience, and yet you are unhappy? Where did he go wrong? Why is he such a failure to the one woman he truly loves? Of all the ways he could have screwed up in his life, this was the most precious and delicate of moments and by ruining it he may have left a permanent scar in your relationship. It is a guilt and self-anger that will hang over him for years. Perhaps even to the end of his days.

Assuming everything goes perfectly, as he is sure it will, he has a plan for after everything is done. He will whisk you away to a bath, or the private hot tub he made sure came with the suit he booked, and feed you food and drinks to lavish you in luxury.

And he will still do that if you want. But when the moment finally comes and you are snuggled up against his heaving chest, hair tousled, clinging to him, eyes closed in exhaustion, and expression that of a gentle, pleased, and at peace smile… all of his plans and train of thought disappear. All he sees, and all he needs, in this moment is to hold you.

Nero

You being a virgin was both a good and bad thing.

On the positive side, Nero felt honoured that you are considering giving your virginity to him and it makes him more secure in telling you that he will be giving you the same.

The bad part is that neither of you knew what the hell you were doing or how to go about things. And in a town run by an old-fashioned religious group that implored their people to wear hoods and full-length clothes, you can bet that they are not about premarital sex so there were not exactly resources on teaching this sort of thing to people his age. Even Nero’s family (as far as he knew pre-DMC4) couldn’t really help since the only ones left were his brother and sister who had not done anything of the sort themselves.

Thank Sparda they were at least willing to help a little. They were both unsure about the idea, being super committed to their religion. Credo in particular would pull Nero aside and try to dissuade him, but he knew that his little brother was a spitfire who would not listen and did not follow the Order’s morals as closely as he wished he did.

Both Kyrie and Credo, knowing that this was going to happen eventually no matter what, did at least go out of their way to covertly gather materials like condoms, lubricant, and maybe some debaucherous books that had been confiscated by the Order as that was the closest to experience any of them could get.

Nero is impatient in getting to experience this with you. He was a healthy young man and he could not help his urges. He had the self-control to not push you into doing things you were not comfortable with, but that did not mean he didn’t push you a bit.

It wasn’t like he was trying to convince you or badger you into it, it was more so that he got ahead of himself sometimes. It’s just that when he would have you close, he couldn’t help but notice how pretty you were. You fit in his arms so perfectly. You were so warm, so soft, so squeezable.

Often, he wouldn’t even realize what he was doing.

“What? Oh, sorry. My bad.” He says with a flustered look as he yanks his hand back after you pull away from the kiss to tell him he was grabbing your butt in a public park.

These urges would not stop when you left. Though he would never tell you, out of embarrassment and a sense of guilt for doing it, but he masturbated to thoughts of you regularly. It began before you two even started dating and were in the bashful flirting stage. He didn’t even mean for it to happen the first few times. He tried to keep you out of his thoughts in those moments out of respect but when he was lost in the moment, his mind foggy and his mental filter was down, while searching his mind for thoughts that could energize him to chase that finish line you inevitable popped up, and that’s often what got him. And this habit only increased the closer you two got and the more he had to wait to have you.

When the moment finally came, you two got to have the house to yourselves for the night and you were giving those signs, Nero was almost too excited. His heart was beating faster than normal and his hands were a bit clammy the whole time in anticipation.

He does his best to act confident and in control, as is his usual MO, but you can occasionally catch slipups where he fumbles and curses a bit under his breath. His excitement also gets the better of him sometimes where he suddenly and unconsciously goes a bit faster or a bit rougher than maybe he should. He will stop and slow down if you ask, but it will definitely happen a few times. He can’t help it, he is just so happy, so excited, and you feel so damn good.

There is a good chance that he will tear your hymen in all of his excitement.

Nero is a bit lost in the sensation of finally feeling you surround him that he does not fully register you’re discomfort until you start telling him to stop.

“Fuck. What is it?” Nero grumbles as he feels you trying to push him away. His shallow thrusts stutter to a stop and he fights to hold his position, a primal part of him demanding that he keep grinding into you.

“It hurts.” The moment you say that Nero pops up onto outstretched arms.

“What?” When he sees the distress in your expression and pulls out enough to see blood coming from you, he starts to panic. “Holy shit, what happened? Are you okay? Fuck, shit, wait.”

His panicking causes you to panic which makes him more panicked and this spirals. He pulls out fully and tries to assure you that “I can fix this, just relax”, but that’s an impossibility at this point. He does not understand what is happening or how to deal with it. He races to grab you a towel and maybe pain medication? A hot water bottle? What does he do?

In the end, he calls Kyrie for help. She doesn’t really know much more than you two about sex but she is able to stay calm and relax you two enough to talk about things and maybe call a doctor. She will even take the bullet and call the doctor herself claiming she is the one who tried to have sex just to save you the embarrassment if you can’t bring yourself to do it.

In short, it is an absolute mess and makes things awkward between you two for a bit. He will avoid getting too touchy or intimate with you for a little bit out of guilt. You can even catch him mumbling apologies at seemingly random times because he thinks back to what he did and feels the need to.

When you two do finally have a proper, satisfying experience, whether it be after getting over the first mishap or if the first time went well because your hymen was already open enough for him, Nero feels a sense of giddiness.

He was not used to this post-coital bliss, instead often having post-nut clarity and maybe feeling a bit bad about it, so it kind of catches him off guard. He curls around you and nuzzles into your hair with a pleased smile. He peppers you with occasional kisses, tells you how good it felt, and asks you if you liked it too.

He is awash with renewed energy and can't seem to settle down. He will need something to calm down like a bath, food, music, or even a little game. And the whole time he can’t keep his hands off of you. Not so much for sexual reasons, though there was a tiny bit of that, but just out of the need to be close in this moment and show you affection.

And when you two do finally fall asleep, you are unable to escape his vine like embrace until the next morning.

V can, and will, play the long game with you. That is to say, he will spend weeks, possibly months, preparing you for the main course.

When you tell him you are a virgin and hint, through words or actions, that you are considering having your first time with him, his plan is set into motion.

He has no intention of simply waiting for the right time and then trying to take you all the way in one go. Instead, he builds up to it over multiple days.

He will start with kissing you a bit longer than the usual pecks or goodnight kisses you are used to. Once you get comfortable with that, will move to the next step.

He won't simply release you after a kiss, instead encouraging you to give him 1, 2, or however many you are willing to, more. As you pull away, he will chase your lips or gently pull you back to him by cupping your cheek or threading his fingers through your hair to hold your head. Once you are receptive to that he will proceed to the next step.

As you two kiss, or even just hold each other with the right mood set, V’s usually stationary hands start to wander. At first, he’ll avoid your more private areas and stick to rubbing your back, shoulders, and arms. Then he will start caressing them. Then he will move to more sensitive areas, like your legs, hips, and neck. Then, he will start gliding his hand over your rear, chest, and lower stomach just above the most sacred of areas. He may even try to hold his hand there if you will let him. He won't grope and grab, just hold and maybe caress those spots to let you grow comfortable with him touching you there. And once you are comfortable with that, he will take things further.

So on and so forth. And between every attempt and step, there is a break of hours, a day, or more.

He knows that committing to something like making love for the first time can be overwhelming with all of the new experiences, sensations, and emotions that come with it. So, instead of compressing all of it into an evening, he will separate these to make the ascension into full-blown passion as unjarring and natural as possible.

Even when you two do get into a bed and start touching under your clothes, V still takes things agonizingly slowly.

The first time you cum because of him had you sitting in his lap with your clothes still on and his hands down your pants. With one arm supporting your back to keep you in a semi-laying position while he held you up, and his face pressed into your hair, so you are not embarrassed by his staring and he can whisper into your ear, he pleasures you with just his hand, showering you with praise and offering reminders.

“You feel wonderful my dear.”

“You are so beautiful.”

“You are doing so well.”

“Please don’t hold your breath, let yourself breath and allow me the pleasure of listening to your sweet voice.”

“Move, flex, twitch, cry out, close your eyes, do whatever it is you desire. I will be here with you no matter what to take care of you. To guide you. To love you.”

“Focus on my fingers and how they glide betwixt your flower petals, how they spread your slick until it coats you completely, how they circle your bud, how they slide in easily as if they were made to bring you to ecstasy.”

He will get you to finish like this, held on his lap and in his arms, without pushing you to reveal your body to him. And this is where the sexual escapade will end for the night. V can see that you are tired out by this first sexual interaction, whether you see it as losing your virginity or not, and he simply wants to enjoy caring for you and soaking up the warmth radiating from you in your afterglow.

What’s that? You’ve noticed that V is still hard and did not actually cum? “Do not worry yourself over such things my songbird.” He assures you as he lays you down on the bed and begins stroking your hair. “Though I truly appreciate your attention to me despite you being the star of this moment, I must confess that not even reaching a physical climax can outmatch the pleasure I feel in seeing your ecstasy, so there is no need for you to overexert yourself on me when you have already satisfied my heart and soul.”

This also continues for a while, where he will bring you to completion through his hands, mouth, or some other means without asking for anything in return. Though, if you ask him if you can touch him, he will gladly welcome it. But your pleasure is paramount and whether he reaches his own orgasm or not is irrelevant.

It goes without saying that if, at any stage, you ask for things to slow down or stop, V will without hesitation. However, one slightly negative effect is that he tends to take even things like “slow down” and “wait” as hard stops, pulling away and ending the moment there. You may have to stop him from just giving up right away. He finds it unexpected but endearing and arousing when you ask him to continue.

When he does, finally, go all the way, things are just as slow, sensual, and focused on your experience as everything leading up to this.

Having your hymen torn by V is extremely unlikely considering how carefully he had trained and molded your body for this moment. But, hypothetically, if this were to happen he would be frustrated.

He does not blame it on you in the slightest, nor does he show any sort of negative emotion outwardly. He pulls out and showers you in affirmations and comfort in any way he can with a gentle, sympathetic smile. On the inside though he is fuming.

He had been so careful, worked so hard to avoid this, and done everything he could to prepare you. And yet now his precious songbird was in pain and there was nothing he could do except offer moral support and maybe offer pain medication or natural pain relief like a bath.

He will insist you stop here for today and will take a few steps back in his plan to ease you back into trying that again.

After the eventual successful try, V is in a state of bliss as he enjoys the fruit of his labor. To experience the most intimate of connections with the one he loves and have you lay in his arms feeling satisfied, safe, and secure after giving him something so precious was a joyous moment he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

#devil may cry x reader #devil may cry imagine #dante x reader #nero x reader #v x reader #vergil x reader #reboot dante x reader #reboot vergil x reader #v (dmc) x reader

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belovedjeju · 3 months

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The Deal (I Can’t Go Inside)

Show Me How (To Love) Chapter 2

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Synopsis: The time has come for you to head to the Lee residence and start your new life as Bada’s fiancée. Hope you can handle the pressure!

Note: Any pictures used are for aesthetic purposes only, and aren’t indicative of the reader’s body type/race. Any relations to real people and events are purely coincidental.

Tw: Physical abuse, cursing, unrealistic depictions of sleepwalking

Word Count: ~10.4k

When you come to yourself, you find yourself staring out the window, the morning rays of sunlight shining in your eyes. Looking down, you see your phone in your hand, unplugged and low on battery. 6:42 am is the time, long before your door is ever unlocked. Letting out a sigh, you plug your phone back up, your back, hand, and wrist stiff from the lack of movement.

You wonder how long you were sitting like that, out of it and ruminating. Your eyes feel heavy, and with every blink they sting from the lack of sleep. All you can do is groan as you lay back down, rubbing your eyes is frustration. You can already tell that you aren’t going to fall back asleep, but your body feels so heavy that you can’t move even an inch more.

So, you lay there.

You lay there as the sky outside gets brighter and brighter. You lay there as you hear the bustling of people outside. You lay there as your stomach growls, reminding you that you barely ate the night prior, and now you’re craving an orange.

Thinking about the night before only gives you a headache, realization kicking in about your entire situation.

You’re getting married. The revelation hits you like a truck. You’re getting married in the place of your sister, and you know nothing of what’s to come. You don’t want this marriage, by any means, but knowing that your parents’ lives are on the line makes you suck it up and go along with it –as if you have a choice–.

Soon enough, you hear the click of your doorknob as it unlocks, and you sit up in bed before your mother enters.

She immediately frowns as she looks at you. “What are you still doing in bed? Get up, now!” She says as she taps her foot on the ground, key to your room door in hand.

You listen to her, body sluggish. Your feet meet the hard floor instead of your house slippers, which confuse you, as you always put your house slippers in the same place by your bed before you sleep. You look around the room, seeing one of your shoes by the door, and the other by the closet.

You were walking around last night, you realize, internally sighing as you move to grab your shoes and your outfit for the day. You put your slippers on as you walk to your bathroom and shut the door. Your forehead meets the door, and you like the way it feels against your warm skin.

Fuck, you can’t handle this right now. You can’t handle any of this.

“Calm down, calm down, calm down,” you whisper to yourself, “You’re alright, you just need to get through this and then you’ll be alright.” You don’t have time to calm yourself down further, as your mother’s voice cuts through your ears.

“Choi (Y/n), hurry up! Do not keep us waiting.”

You push away from the door, moving to get ready. One look into the mirror shows your disheveled and tired state, and you wonder if Bada will turn you away as soon as you appear in front of her.

The long, dark maxi dress and long sleeve shirt you have on underneath hides your body well, but you hope your mother doesn’t think it’s too revealing.

You leave the bathroom and face your mother, waiting for her to give you an order.

“Come here,” she says, and you obey, stepping closer, but keeping a bit of distance between you two. Your mother grabs your wrist, pulling you closer, and you let out a gasp at how tight she’s gripping your arm. Her face is extremely close to yours, and her stern eyes bore into yours. You want to look away so bad, but she grabs your chin and makes you face her. “You will not embarrass your father and I today, do you understand me?” You nod rapidly, eyes squeezing shut at the pain. “You will not complain, you will serve Bada in any way she needs, and you will obey her.” You don’t want to protest, but you have too many worries to not say anything.

“But mother, what if she’s violent? What if she gets angry and hits–” your mother squeezes your cheeks, silencing you.

“If you upset her, fix yourself and do better. You will do whatever she wants,” she says through gritted teeth, shoving you away. “I swear, Soo Ri should’ve been the one to do this, not you.” She looks like she wants to spit on the ground you’re standing on, but she turns and walks away, leaving you to rub your cheeks with tears in your eyes.

You sniff and rub the tears out of your eyes, legs feeling weak. You look around your room, trying to gather your bearings.

Walking to your dresser, you grab your phone so you can look at your appearance in the camera. You unlock it, only for your phone to open the message app.

What you see only makes you want to break down and cry more.

On the screen are your texts to Soo Ri from last night, dozens of green messages taunting you. They start out written properly, showing clarity in your actions.

‘Hi, my lovely unnie.’

‘Where are you.’

‘Come home.’

‘I hope you’re sleeping well.’

But as you continue to read them, they become short, unintelligible, with terrible grammar and no structure. In between the key smashes and word vomit, you can read a few things.

‘Scared’

‘Please’

‘Send away’

One text catches your eye, however.

‘Don’t let the cat get you’

Memories rush to the forefront of your mind, clouding your vision. Glass breaking, screaming, the feeling of suffocating into your pillow, beady yellow eyes staring up at you.

You feel your breathing getting harsher and harsher, phone dropping out of your hand as you stumble down, eyes darting everywhere.

You feel your heart beating faster and faster, threatening to pop out of your chest.

You try to dig your nails into your palms, trying to ground yourself back to reality, but you are quickly slipping away.

You hear yourself sobbing, you feel the tears slide down your cheeks, you feel the pounding in your head as you try and grab onto anything to calm you down.

You are so, so stupid, you tell yourself. You don’t deserve anything.

When you come to, you’re curled into yourself, arms close to your chest and tears pooling below you.

You faintly hear your parents’ voices downstairs through your open door, and it snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you so much for escorting our daughter. I was up all night worrying about her journey to the Lee residence,” you hear your mother speak, using the tone she reserved for speaking with guests. It’s time for you to go.

You quickly get up, grabbing your phone and charger shoving them in your purse. You rush into the bathroom, wiping your face with water and fixing your hair. You plant a smile on your face and grab your suitcase –you had shoved all of your shoes into one suitcase the night before, thinking two would be too much– and your box, walking out of your room without looking back.

You walk down the stairs slowly, hands shaking. Once you make it to the bottom of the stairs, your mother’s voice gets louder.

“She’s always been a little more reserved, and she doesn’t really eat much unless prompted, so please don’t let her stay to herself and neglect her needs. And oh! She really likes to eat beef as well, and she doesn’t really like sweets, and she gets cold really easily too.” With the way your mother is rambling, she comes across as a caring, concerned mother, and no one will guess that she had just admonished you earlier.

You’re not sure you want them to.

“Oh honey, (y/n) will be fine. She’s a big girl and you should trust that she’ll be ok,” your father says, voice kinder than you’ve ever heard before.

“I know, but she’ll always be my baby,” your mother sounds close to tears, and you wonder how long this performance will last.

Well it’s not like you aren’t performing as well, so you might as well match their energy.

“Mother, father, I’m ready,” you say as you arrive near the door, where your parents are standing with another woman, or girl, you should say. She has a very cute face, round cheeks and burgundy colored hair. But her clean suit, cold face and tall posture made her look older than she seemed to be. You place your box on the floor next to you and flex your fingers.

You bow to the girl in front of you, and she bows back.

“(Y/n), this is Sowoen, and she will be escorting you to Ms. Lee’s home,” your father says, adjusting the glasses on his face. You nod in acknowledgement.

Your mother starts to sniffle, holding your cheeks in her hands, much gentler than earlier.

“Oh, how you’ve grown. I remember when you first came to us like it was yesterday. And now you’re getting married,” she pulls you close to her in a hug, and you fight the urge for your body to freeze. “Don’t fuck this up,” she whispers in your ear, and squeezes you harder. You put your arms up to hug her back, though you feel awkward doing so.

When was the last time you hugged your mother?

“Ok honey, you have to let her go now,” your father says as he separates your mother from you. Your father doesn’t hug you, but he does hold your hands in his.

His touch makes your skin crawl.

“Please, stay safe my dear. Know that you will always have a home here,” he says, his voice soft. You just nod again, trying your hardest to keep the smile on your face. You pull away from him first, wrist still hurting from earlier.

You go to grab your stuff, but Soweon steps in before you could. She grabs your suitcase and box with ease, and you feel embarrassed at having her do the work for you. You also don’t want her to see how little you have.

“Is this all, Miss?” Soweon asks you, and you can only nod silently, hands itching to grab the load off her hands.

A maid holds the door for the both of you, and you don’t look back at your parents as you follow behind your escort, though you can feel their gazes burn into your back. You can’t help but shiver.

~~~

The ride to Bada’s home is uncomfortably silent. You want to speak to try and break the awkwardness, but nothing comes out. Plus, Soweon’s tight grip on the steering wheel and her eyes locked forward is probably a hint for you to keep quiet.

She must be mad at you, you think as you fidget with your hands, for not being the one her boss wanted to marry.

You lock eyes with her in the rear view mirror, and quickly look away, mind going far.

To get to the Lee mansion requires one to go through large gates flanked with security, who quickly lets the car pass once Soweon shows her ID and they do a quick check in the trunk of the car, which makes you nervous.

Soweon drives the car down the pathway, and into a cul de sac, where at the end sits the Lee mansion, your new place of residence.

Your heart beats loudly in your chest as you stare at the utterly huge mansion in front of you.

You’re living here? Even your parents’ vacation homes aren’t this big!

You’re scared to see what it’s like on the inside. Maybe you can just live in the car and you won’t have to see Bada ever!

No, that’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. You’d need to pee at some point.

Before you know it, your hand is reaching for the door only for it to miss as the door swings open, Sowoen looking at you expectedly as she stands on the other side.

“O-Oh…” you stutter as you stare at her in bewilderment. You must’ve been keeping her waiting for too long. “Sorry,” you apologize, stepping out of the car. You don’t notice Sowoen’s hand held out to help you out of the car, looking towards the trunk for your belongings.

“I’ve got it, Miss,” Sowoen speaks up, taking your things out of the trunk for you. You continue to stare at her in confusion.

“You… you don’t have to do that. I can do it…” you say as you reach for the suitcase, but Soweon only pulls it away from you.

“It’s alright, Miss. It’s my job,” is all she says before walking towards the mansion steps.

“But, but, they’re my things. I don’t want to have you do all of the work,” you try and say, trying to catch up with her quick steps. “Can I at least hold the box, please?” You ask, clasping your hands together. “There’s a lot of important things in there to me,” which isn’t exactly a lie, but it would still be better just to hold it.

Soweon sighs, which causes you to think that you’re probably being a bit annoying, so you take a step back from her and place your hands by your side.

“Here,” she says, holding the box out to you. You blink, but quickly move to grab the box from her hold before she changes her mind.

“Thank you…” you whisper, following her up the stairs without another word.

The inside of the mansion is just as grandiose as the outside. Bright lights and long halls leading to who knows where. You could see the giant glass chandelier hanging from the high ceiling if you tip your head back far enough. There isn’t a spec of dust as far as your eyes can see –which, frankly, isn’t far–. To the sides you can see stairs leading to the second floor. You wonder how many rooms there are in this whole place. There has to be at least thirty, right?

A maid greets you both with a respectful bow and you bow back, although Sowoen doesn’t.

“Shall I take this to your room, Miss?” She says, holding out her hands expectedly. You clutch the box closer to you, not wanting to give the maid all of your load like you did to Sowoen.

“Miss, we’re going to be seeing the boss first, so it’s best you put your stuff down,” Soweon says, nodding towards the maid. You look at her hesitantly. You could just take the stuff to your room directly, but you don’t want to keep Bada waiting, so you reluctantly give the box to the maid, flexing your hands awkwardly once she took it away.

You follow Sowoen down the hall, keeping an eye on the back of her burgundy head. Your heart beats hard in your chest as you stop by a large wooden door with a very antique gold door knob. Sowoen knocks on the door, and opens it when she’s given permission to enter. You hesitantly follow behind her, blurry gaze landing all over the room.

You enter into an office, one bigger than you’ve ever seen. Near the wall in front of you sits a desk, full of stacks of paper and pens, and two small chairs in front of it. Against the other two walls are dark green sofas, with a small, glass coffee table to the side of each. Everything in here looks expensive, even the rug you’re standing on, it only makes you even more nervous.

Standing in front of the desk is none other than your fiancée, tall and intimidating, just like the day you first met. On the couches sit multiple other women, though you don’t know who they are.

Bada’s face is neutral, nary an emotion can be gathered from her gaze, hands clasped in front of her. Hands that could hurt you at any moment…

‘You will not complain, you will serve, and you will obey her’, your mothers words repeat in your head as Bada stares down at you.

Remember, you tell yourself, this woman can kill you and your family at any moment, so maybe listening to your mother will be wise.

You bow to Bada, eyes kept to the floor, waiting for her to address you.

“How was your trip,” her voice is deep, resounding throughout the room and bouncing off of your ears.

“It was fine,” you manage to say without stuttering, hands gripping your dress. You still don’t look at her, but rise anyway. “Thank you for having someone escort me here,” you say. You hope it scores you half a point for your respectfulness.

“This will be your home now,” Bada starts, voice still level. “So there are a few things you must know, especially since your parents did not inform you of a single thing prior to our meeting on Friday. I’m assuming that is still the case, correct?” You wince, feeling all of your hopes of them sparing your family’s lives being shredded to bits. You feel a lot of eyes burning into your back and elect to keep your head down.

Should you be honest and just say yes? Will lying spare your family even just a little.

“Choi (y/n), I asked you a question.” Despite the authoritative nature in her voice, it was still the same tone and pitch she spoke in moments earlier. It made you push lying out of your mind.

“That’s… that’s correct.” You’re going to pass out any second now. If you beg her to kill you, will they spare your parents' lives? Soo Ri’s?

“I see. While you are here, your safety is one of the top priorities for both my team, Bebe, and I,” that is, until you piss her off and she kills everyone you’ve ever loved. “You must follow the rules set in place to ensure your safety, understood?” You nod, staying silent. “One, you will never walk around without a bodyguard, ever. There’s too many risks out in the world for you to walk around without one. Sowoen here will be filling in that role for now.” You don’t know if you should feel relieved that it’s at least a somewhat familiar face or not. Bada continues, holding up two fingers.

“Two, you must not lie to me, ever. I despise liars, and you seem to come from a family of them.” You wince again, squeezing the wrist your mother grabbed earlier. The pain brings you back down to Earth. “I will not spare you if I find out you’re lying to me.” You can only nod, voice not coming out properly.

Bada holds up a third finger, “Finally, this is simply a business deal, so I expect you to act accordingly to fulfill the terms of the contract that you and your parents agreed upon, understood?”

You agreed to the contract? Since when? What did you agree to, you can only wonder. Maybe Bada took your begging for your family’s lives as an agreement. Yes, that must be what it is.

“Y-Yes, I understand, Ms. Lee,” you finally manage to say.

“These are all of the members of my team,” you turn around to face the women on the couches, and Soweon, who sits on the couch to your left. “To your left are the junior members. Soweon, whom you’ve met already, Minah,” Bada points to a girl with black hair, “and Cheche,” she points to a girl with orange hair. Their eyes bore into your figure, as if they’re studying you, waiting for you to slip up, which you will most likely do soon.

Bada gestures to your right, “These are the senior members. Their word takes precedence over the junior ones, so what they say goes first.” You nod again. The gazes of these women feel a bit more hostile, but you couldn’t tell from the lack of emotions on their faces. “This is Tatter,” she points to a woman with light blonde hair, “Kyma,” a woman also with blonde hair, but a shorter face, “and Lusher, my second in command. If I am not here, you listen to her. Are we clear?”

“Yes, we’re clear.” You repeat obediently.

“Good, Sowoen will give you a tour of the residence, and will help you get settled in. And here,” you turn to her, and she holds out a black credit card. You blink at it, then look up at her for the first time since you’ve entered. “Use this for anything you need. There’s a lot of money on here, so do not worry about it running out of funds anytime soon,” she says, card held loosely in her hands.

You aren’t receiving an allowance? That’s… confusing. You thought everyone received an allowance from the head of the household.

“Take it,” Bada says flatly.

Don’t complain, serve, and obey.

You blink again at the card, gently grabbing the edge from her as if it were a foreign object.

“Thank you, Ms. Lee.” You grip the card in your hands to make sure it’s real.

“You are dismissed,” Bada says, and Soweon holds the door for you as you leave. You bow to Bada and the girls before you go down the hallway, Soweon following behind you.

Bada sits down on her chair, sighing.

“Do you trust her?” Lusher asks, breaking the silence in the room.

“I don’t need to,” Bada says, picking up a piece of paper and a pen. “As long as she does what she was brought here to do, I don’t really care whether or not she’s trustworthy. That’s for you all to figure out.” She taps her pen on the counter. “Alright, here are your tasks for the week. Cheche, fill Soweon in later,” Bada states before starting their meeting.

~~~

The Lee mansion is too big for your liking. Dozens of bedrooms, a cozy living room, giant catering kitchens, a library, a theater room, a tennis court, a gym, a ballroom, and apparently, a giant garden somewhere else on the property. You’re getting overwhelmed at Soweon’s explanations as you pass the giant pool. There’s even a fucking jacuzzi in the corner of the pool.

As you stare down at the water moving with the slight breeze, you imagine yourself under the surface, holding your breath until it hurts, eyes staring at the sky above you.

You wish you hadn’t been told about the pool, you think. You feel like you’ll be coming here often in your sleep, whether you like it or not.

“Miss,” you hear Soweon call you. You tear your eyes away from the pool to look at her. “Shall we end the tour here?” She asks, with a tilt of her head. She must be tired of talking to you. It’s best to listen to her and end the tour.

You nod, and follow her to a bedroom.

“The boss has prepared this room for you, but you can change anything around as you please,” Soweon says, never passing the threshold of your room. You look around, taking in the large queen sized bed in the middle of the room, the white vanity to the left and the giant walk-in closet to the right, along with a desk by a giant window.

You wonder if you can ask them to bolt it shut for you. Would you sound insane? Is that a normal request for someone to have? You really aren’t sure.

“Please let me know if you need anything, Miss,” Sowoen says to you, and you nod.

Sowoen bows to you as she goes to shut the door, and you bow back. Once the door’s shut, you let out the deep breath you were holding, but you still feel no relief. Instead, you feel as if you’re suffocating. You’re now in the lion’s den, and one wrong move could mean you and your whole family being torn to shreds.

You look at the door, noticing the lock on the inside. You’d be able to lock and unlock your door with ease. That fact scares you.

To distract yourself from the thousands of worries in your head, you start to unpack your suitcase, finding your closet already filled with hangers for you, which you appreciate, though most of them are left unused because of your lack of clothes, but oh well.

You go to unpack your box, opening it up with a key on your wallet. Only for you to end up putting it down because you become face to face with that porcelain cat. The cat that you thought you left in the nightstand at home.

Its yellow eyes pierce into your teary ones, mocking you, reminding you of all of your mistakes, and when you pick it up, your skin crawls, the scar on your back burning once more.

You put it in the nightstand dresser and hope you forget about its location later.

You continue to unpack your items, tears in your eyes.

When you’re done, you place your house slippers on the floor by your bed, and crawl under the covers.

Exhaustion is catching up with you, you’re hungry, you’re craving an orange.

You decide to sleep.

~~~

Sowoen’s days have been very uninteresting lately. Instead of the hustle and bustle of her normal, everyday life, doing reports, following her seniors around as they worked, testing out different types of poisons on others (and herself in secret), she has spent the last few weeks watching her boss’ new fiancée.

Bada says it’s to teach her responsibility as the youngest, and she is grateful for the opportunity. However, she is just… just so, so bored.

Every morning at 5 am, she wakes up and goes to stand at your door at 6, and hears you wake up around 8:30. You don’t open the door for a while, sometimes for hours, until Sowoen wonders when you’re going to eat something, and knocks on the door.

You look bewildered every time she opens it, like the action is unusual or something, even when you tell her to come in with a confused voice. Sowoen doesn’t really care as to why you think it’s weird, only wanting you to not starve to death and have Bada be disappointed in her, so she asks if you’re going to eat something.

The first few days here you ate a proper meal, but after that, you just ate oranges. And then you would retreat back into your room, until it was time for dinner, where you would eat a proper meal at 9. Then at 10:00, you turn in for the night. She would stay outside your room for a few more hours, just in case you need her again, but at 1am she goes to her room to sleep –she’s already used to getting little to no sleep, so there’s no issue with that–.

It’s just weird. Of course she should mind her business. You being quiet and not stirring up trouble is a good thing. However, Sowoen doesn’t trust you. She may be slightly –curious isn’t the right word, maybe wary?– about your skittish behavior and notes the familiarity in your actions, but she doesn’t trust you, or your family. Your family lied to Bada, and that is something that cannot be forgiven. Who knows what else you’re lying about.

And on top of all that, Sowoen is just bored. She’s so, so bored.

Even when she listens through the door –not actively but just generally listening out for sounds– she doesn’t hear you moving at all. No music playing, no talking on the phone, not even singing to yourself. Are you in solitary confinement or something?

At times like this she wishes she had Kyma’s scary hearing ability, at least so she can see if you’re alive or not. She could always just go in your room herself and check on you, like a bodyguard should do, but Bada also warned of giving you your privacy, a sliver of respect while you’re here.

But she cannot, in good conscience, let you isolate yourself like this.

Sowoen, always the softy, she can hear everyone saying, causing her to sigh.

“Mind your business, Sowoen, mind your business,” she whispers to herself.

Sowoen thinks of dark spaces, no room to move, aching bones and everlasting silence.

She sighs once more, turning around to knock on your door, but is stopped by a voice.

“Sowoen,” it’s Cheche, voice leveled despite the small smile on her face. It’s been a while since she’s seen the other junior members, her best friends, because she’s been stuck to your side –or rather, your door–, so it’s a surprise to see her here.

“Hi, Cheche. What’s up?” Cheche stops a little always from the door, not exactly in front of Sowoen.

“The boss wants to see you,” she says, eyes flickering to the door behind Sowoen. “I’ll watch over the Miss in your place, ok?”

Sowoen is hesitant, not wanting abandon the job Bada assigned her to do.

“Here,” Cheche says, holding out her hand, a hand that holds Bada’s family ring. The request is legitimate, not just a trick to test Sowoen to see if she’s doing her job. It’s also unrefusable –not that she can or would ever refuse Bada anyways–.

Sowoen nods, taking that ring and holding it tightly in her hand, stepping aside so Cheche can take her place.

The walk to Bada’s office isn’t a long one, but she is curious about why Bada wants to see her. She’s been doing her job correctly as far as she knows. You’re still alive, maybe not healthy, but you’re alive!

She makes it to Bada’s office, knocking six times to let Bada know it’s her.

“Come in,” Bada says, and Sowoen enters, giving Bada a slight bow.

“Morning, boss,” Sowoen greets her, holding out her ring for her to take, which she does.

“Morning. Have a seat,” Bada gestures to one of the chairs in front of her desk, and she sits. Bada is sitting behind her desk, in her pressed suit and glasses low on her face. She taps her pen on the desk as she looks at Sowoen.

“What’s your assessment of her?” Bada asks, referring to you. The question comes as a bit of a surprise to Sowoen, as she didn’t expect Bada to ask her about you, nor care enough about you to ask. Though she figures that it’s a matter of just keeping tabs on you, which she did expect Bada wanted. “You can speak honestly. There will be no penalty for doing so.” Despite saying that phrase plenty of times before, Bada always makes sure to reassure her, and for that, Bada has Sowoen’s trust.

“If I’m being honest, there really isn’t much to say,” Sowoen starts, picking at her nails but still looking Bada in the eyes. “She doesn’t do much at all. She doesn’t leave her room much, only to eat, and she barely does that,” Bada’s expression doesn’t change at that information, so Sowoen can’t gather what she’s feeling. “When she’s in her room, I really don’t know what she’s doing, I really can’t hear anything when she’s in there,” Sowoen furrows her eyebrows. “Not that I’m intentionally listening on her or anything. I want her to have privacy, but just… y’know.” Sowoen realizes she’s rambling and closes her mouth.

“Thank you for sharing that, Sowoen.” She feels herself blush at the praise. Bada leans back in her chair. “So there’s no one she talks to? No places she likes to go?” Bada asks, clasping her hands together.

Sowoen shakes her head, “No, it’s like she isolated herself. No calls to her parents, nor do I ever see her texting anybody either. It reminds me a lot of…” Sowoen shuts herself up, quick, not wanting to be reminded of the past,

“I see,” Bada says, understanding what Sowoen is referring to.

“But I don’t want to intrude on her life, y’know? I think it’ll be rude if I said something,” Bada nods at that.

“It’s ok to give suggestions, as long as you’re respectful, right?” Sowoen nods, not saying anything more. “Bring her over,” Bada says, and Sowoen snaps to attention.

She didn’t expect her to say that. She thought that Bada wouldn’t want to see you at all after what your parents did. But who is she to question her superior, so she gets up and goes to retrieve you.

Before she leaves, Bada calls out to her.

Her face is serious as she looks at Sowoen.

“Do you trust her?” Is all she asks.

“No, boss, I don’t.”

~~~

Your days at the Lee mansion have been very uneventful. You wake up, covered in bruises from your body hitting things in your new bedroom when you walk around at night, not used to the new layout just yet. You then wait for your door to be unlocked, but you end up waiting for hours until Sowoen knocks on your door asking if you’d want to eat breakfast, leaving you to remember that doors aren’t just generally locked all the time from the outside. You then go to eat breakfast, but you’re too nervous to keep anything down so you just eat oranges. Then, you retreat to your room and just lie there until dinner, where you sit by yourself for thirty minutes and eat a little bit of food –just like at home, but you don’t want to think about that right now–.

What else is there to do anyways? Your only source of entertainment is painting, and all of your supplies are at home. You’re too scared to walk around the mansion and explore, fearing that you’ll just end up sleepwalking to places and burdening Sowoen and Bada later on, and you don’t want to ask Sowoen or a maid to get things for you, because then you’ll feel like you’re being bossy and pretentious.

So, you just sit in your room and think.

Sometimes you read the books you brought from home, sometimes you scroll through videos on your phone, switching from app to app, but mostly, you just end up thinking.

What is your role in all of this?

Are you just an accessory? A thing to parade around to make Bada look good? But why settle for you? Why not find someone else from another family who didn’t lie to her?

Is it just to get back the money your parents owe her? If so, does that just make you a hostage?

The thought makes your throat close up in fear.

What rights did you have in this mansion? Could you go where you pleased? Or were you just stuck in this large home, waiting to be used and discarded. You’re too scared to ask, fearing Bada’s emotionless stare, or the annoyed looks from the Bebe girls.

If you’re a hostage, that means Soo Ri was also supposed to be a hostage, right? But knowing Soo Ri’s personality, you can’t imagine her settling down and taking that.

You imagined she’d come here, with her endless confidence that you’ve always envied, demanding to be treated right, and probably getting whatever she wanted, too.

But what are you supposed to do, then? Just lie there and wait for Bada to make up her mind on what she wants?

Would she take her anger out on you if she had a rough day? Would she come into your room and…

You don’t allow yourself to go down that road, mind already dredging up things from the past.

Don’t complain, serve, and obey.

You blink, remembering your mother’s words and turning over in bed, hugging a pillow to your chest.

If Bada ever does anything to you, it’s not like you have the power to fight back. You’d probably have to just cry in silence when she’s done with you, hoping that the next day will be better. Maybe if you don’t complain she’d leave your family alone.

Yeah, just think of the benefits for your parents. They’ll be able to just pay Bada back, and then be done with her while she just keeps you to the side, at her mercy. You’ll gladly be at her mercy if it means they’ll be happy.

Before you can sit in your thoughts more, there’s a knock on your door. You wait for it to open, but then remember that your door isn’t locked.

“Come…come in,” you say, the words still feeling foreign on your tongue.

The door opens and Sowoen appears, face still serious. Her hair is down today.

“Miss, the boss wishes to see you,” she says, never passing the threshold to your door.

You blink in confusion, but get up anyway.

You haven’t seen Bada since your first day here, and she has not called for you since then. Are you in trouble? Is your family in trouble? Is Bada going to kill you? Has she finally gotten sick of you? All you’ve done is stay still! You haven’t been a burden to anyone, at least you think you haven’t! Maybe you’ve unintentionally upset someone, but you swear you’ll get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness!

You must’ve done something wrong, you think as you walk through the halls, gripping your wrist in your hand. Bada is going to kill you. She hates you.

Too soon do you end up in front of her office, large wooden door taunting you as you raise your hand to knock on the door.

“Come in,” Bada says, voice sounding much more secure than yours. You wonder if you’ll be able to get the words out to defend yourself.

You open the door, which creaks as it moves, the sad sound announcing your presence in Bada’s clean space. The door closes behind you, and when you turn around, Sowoen isn’t there.

Which means you’re alone with Bada, for the first time. You’re alone with a woman who hates you.

You bow to her, and wait for her to give you an order, or yell at you, or do something.

“Sit,” Bada says, gesturing to the chair in front of her. You do so, without question, avoiding her gaze. You feel it burning into you, probably waiting for you to confess your wrongdoings. Maybe if you apologize first, she’ll go easy on you.

“Um, Ms. Lee,” you start, voice wavering. “I sincerely apologize for my actions, truly.” You dig your thumb in your palm, rubbing it in circles.

Bada raises an eyebrow at your words, wondering what you could’ve done. She decides to see what you’ll apologize for, and stays silent.

“I, um, I promise to do better… as, as your fiancée. I know I should have learned better from my parents, and for that I apologize… for being clueless, I mean. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t mean to upset you, but if you tell me what,” you blink rapidly, looking down at your hands, “if you’re willing to tell me what I did wrong, then I’ll be sure not to make the same mistake again…” you finish, biting the inside of your cheek.

“And what exactly are you apologizing for?” Bada asks, staring down at you despite the lack of eye contact on your part.

You start to stammer even more, “You, you called for me, so I thought… I thought I did something wrong,” you blink again, bouncing your leg. “Is it not that?” Bada watches as the gears turn in your head, trying to find an explanation for why she called you here.

“If it’s about Soo Ri and the switch, I, I sincerely apologize for that. I know that what we did isn’t forgivable, but I promise to –”

Bada silences you with a rise of her hand.

“Enough,” she says, effectively stopping your apologies. She places her pen down, never looking away from you. “What are you doing here?” She asks you, and you look up at her for the first time since you arrived. Her expression is still void of any emotions as her brown eyes look you over.

Does she think you are overstaying your welcome? Is she going to send you back home? What does that mean for the safety of your family? What will your parents think of you coming back home so early?

Don’t complain, serve, and obey.

“I… I’m here to be your fiancée,” you answer, uncertain. Bada just blinks at you.

“There’s no need to stay inside. Go, visit your parents, get groceries, go shopping for clothes, do whatever you want,” Bada orders you, and your eyebrows furrow.

She didn’t want you here, it seems, even though you thought you were behaving.

But it’s best if you don’t argue.

“For how long?” You ask for clarification, trying your hardest not to cry. Were you failing the one thing you were asked to do?

“For as long as you wish,” is all she says, writing down something on a piece of paper. It’s not an adequate answer for you, but you won’t fight her. “Sowoen will keep by you as you go, so do not try and stray too far from where it is safe.” You nod, voice failing you at the moment. “You are dismissed,” Bada says after a beat. You nod, getting up and bowing before leaving her office.

Sowoen is waiting for you at the door, closing it behind you and following you to your room. Once you get there, you turn to Sowoen, not meeting her eyes.

“Um,” you start, clearing your throat, “Ms. Lee told me to, uh, not be inside? Do you have any place I could go?” Your tone conveys your shyness, not used to talking with the woman who follows you around just yet.

Sowoen pauses, nodding her head as she thinks.

The boss must’ve seen her underline concerns, despite her attempts to hide it, and reassured you that you could go wherever you wanted.

Bada knows Sowoen better than she knows herself sometimes.

“There’s a shopping district further into the city,” Sowoen starts, “There’s a bunch of different stores you can go to, you browse around if you like.” Sowoen suggests. The stores there are all ones Bada provides protection for, so you shouldn’t be in any danger there.

You nod, entering your room to get ready.

You dress in a long black maxi skirt, and a dark blue sweater that is a little bit itchy due to it being so old, and some of your old sneakers. You need to buy new ones, but you’re waiting for you to have enough money to buy your glasses first before getting anything else. It is a bit warm outside for the outfit, but you’ve learned to tough it out.

You wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea by you showing skin.

When you’re done getting ready, you grab your purse and your phone, opening the door and waiting for Sowoen to lead the way. She takes you to the front, and the sun hits your eyes as soon as you leave the manor, not used to the brightness after staying inside for so long.

You wait for Sowoen as she goes to get the car, warmer arm causing you to fan yourself with your hand, and walk down the steps to meet her. With each step you try not to think about what you’re going to do once you get back.

If Bada doesn’t want you to be in the manor anymore, you’re going to have to pack, right? But then where will you go? Can you even go back home? If the contract your parents signed says that you are supposed to be living with Bada, then you really can’t go back home.

Will you just be living on the streets?

You ball your hands into fists at the thought.

You couldn’t go through that. Not now, not ever.

You’d rather die.

Before you can dwell on it any further, Sowoen opens the car door for you before you can do it yourself. You blink at her in bewilderment, but she just gestures for you to get in the car. You still aren’t used to people doing things for you, but you get in the car so you don’t upset her.

The drive to the shopping district isn’t long, but it does feel longer because of the fact that your cheap headphones broke completely. The speakers blew out as soon as you turned your music on, so now that’s another expense to the list. You could only sigh as you try and wrack up how much everything you need will cost in your head.

You just didn’t have the money for any of this. You don’t even know why you’re going to shop when you still need to buy glasses and get a new eye exam. It’s all so, so stupid. But Sowoen suggested it, and you don’t want to make her or Bada mad by not listening to them.

Once you're at the shopping district, Sowoen is quick to open the door for you, and she even offers her hand to help you out of the car. You take it, hand shaking, but you can’t help the confusion that sits on your face.

“This way, Miss,” she says as you walk forward.

You follow her, looking around at the multitude of shops around you. Even in the early afternoon, there are a bunch of people walking around, and you feel Sowoen’s presence close behind you. You look around, squinting to see your surroundings. Through your blurry vision you see clothes shops, electronic stores, even a few food places here and there.

Smelling the food reminds you that you only had an orange this morning, but you decide not to dwell on the subject.

You and Sowoen walk around in silence, you peering at the shop windows once you got close but not ever going in.

That is, until you pass by an art store. Through the window you can see the warm toned lights, the tubes of paint, the fabrics and the sketch pads. You stop by the window, deciding to look upon the items for a bit longer than usual.

You haven’t painted or drawn anything since the day you met Bada, and it’s been making you antsy. You miss it, but all of your supplies are at home.

“Shall we go in, Miss?” Sowoen says, standing by the door. You blink at her –you seem to be doing that a lot today–, a bit embarrassed at being caught. But if Sowoen suggested it, you should probably listen.

You nod, walking in when Sowoen opens the door for you. You walk down the aisles, passing by yarn and crochet hooks, fabrics and needles, even canvases and desks to sit at.

When you get to the paint, you stop, staring at the Beginner’s paint tubes. There’s a lot more options than the five tubes you have at home, which excites you, even for a little bit. You have to bring them up to your eyes to see what colors they have, though, which reminds you of your much needed and lack of glasses.

Bummed that you can’t buy them, you pout and put them back.

“What about these, Miss?” Sowoen speaks up, and you look over at her. She’s over at the Professional grade paints, looking at the tubes quizzically. “The sign says that these ones last longer, and that the colors are better.”

You shake your head, a small, bitter smile on your face. “I don’t have the money for those. I was just browsing, anyways,” you say, and Sowoen blinks at you.

“Did you leave the boss’ card at home?” She asks, and you shake your head. It’s in your purse now, tucked away in your wallet.

“It’s not my money to spend,” you say as you look at a red tube of paint. “I’d feel bad about using Ms. Lee’s money to buy stuff without asking her for permission first.”

Sowoen is confused. It’s your money. Bada gave you that money to spend. She repeats this fact to you.

“The boss gave you that money to use for yourself, Miss,” Sowoen says, not understanding what you find so difficult to understand.

You bite your lip, bringing a tube of yellow paint close to your face to read the label. “I… still, I wouldn’t feel right using it. I don’t want to burden Ms. Lee more than I already have.” You put the tube back in its place, turning to face Sowoen.

Sowoen is really confused, and she feels like she’s doing a bad job at hiding that confusion on her face.

“Do you want me to… ask the boss if you can use your money?” Sowoen says it slowly, hoping that it will allow her to understand the issue you have.

You shake your head quickly. “No! I mean… no, you don’t have to do that. Ms. Lee is busy,” you nervously chuckle, as if you’re telling a joke, “Plus, I don’t think I’m allowed to have these things anyways. You know, it smells and stuff, because of the quality and stuff! And the paint can get everywhere and ruin everyone’s nice things if you aren’t careful and,” you continue to ramble, trying to pull out every excuse you had, all the while Sowoen stares at you like you have two heads.

Sowoen blinks, once, twice, as she tries to understand your reasoning. “You can just… get the higher quality paints…” Sowoen explains to you, tilting her head as she points to the paints she was looking at earlier.

“But then that’s expensive! I don’t want to waste Ms. Lee’s money on things that aren’t important!”

Sowoen is confused –no matter how many times she admits it, it doesn’t stop the confusion at every new sentence you utter–. Aren’t you rich? Why are you so frugal with money? And not in the rich and stingy way, either.

“If you enjoy it, then it’s not a waste of money…” Sowoen argues, trying her hardest to keep her voice level and clear of judgment. Keep it respectful, just like Bada said.

You tilt your head at that, as if Sowoen is talking in a foreign language. No one has ever said that to you before. Whenever you needed something, you had to earn it, and it had to be useful to you –well, your parents–. You funded your art through your own allowance, saving up for months to even buy a good easel, so that you wouldn’t burden your parents by asking for things.

But now that you don’t have an allowance, you struggle to see how you could do or buy anything. You were never allocated more than fifty-five thousand won per week, sometimes even less depending on how bad of a mood your parents were in, and so you had to scrounge by with what little you had. It meant that you had to really want what you bought. It wasn’t a lot of money, but it was your money.

To use Bada’s money just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, especially when it isn’t important to Bada that you’re entertained.

You shake your head, going to move out of the aisle when Sowoen speaks up.

“The boss said that it’s ok for you to use it, like an allowance.” You turn to Sowoen, eyes widening just a bit. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Sowoen. “That money belongs to you, no one else, and the boss will give you a certain amount of money each month for all of your needs.”

Well, Sowoen’s lying.

She doesn’t know why she’s so invested in you buying these paints. She should’ve left it alone when you said no the first time. However, your assumptions about the money Bada gave you are just wrong, and your relationship with money is so familiar to her. And this is the first time she saw you have interest in something. So the lie just slipped out, and then they kept slipping out more and more.

“You shouldn’t refuse the boss’ generosity, Miss,” Sowoen says, not meeting your eyes all the way. “The boss may find that rude…” Sowoen speaks from experience, and doesn’t want you to unnecessarily make the same mistakes she and her friends have made before, but to you it just looks like another threat, another choice you don’t have the right to.

You don’t want to make Bada angry, but you thought maybe being humble would show her that you’re not a threat.

“Oh, ok…” you say, looking away from Sowoen, your heart squeezing in your chest. “If it isn’t rude to Ms. Lee, then I guess I’ll do it…” You pick up a tube of the Beginner’s paint, but Sowoen stops you.

“You said the quality of those weren’t good, Miss. Shouldn’t you get the better ones?”

“I used these all the time at home, so it’s nothing I’m not used to. Plus they’re cheaper,” you try to reassure her.

Sowoen just looks at you, and you put the tubes back as you begin to falter under her blank stare. “But maybe I can get one or two of the good ones, right?”

“Right,” Sowoen nods, watching you as you go towards the Professional grade paints.

This is the first time you’re seeing these types of paints up close. Even in college you only allowed yourself to use the Intermediate level ones when your classes required it, but now you have the opportunity to see the real deal.

But which ones should you get? You need the primaries, plus white and black, but there are so many to choose from that it’s making your head spin. Plus the price, it’s damn near half of your weekly allowance for one small tube of paint.

You can’t help but wince at the price, looking over to Sowoen, who just watches you with the blank stare of hers.

“What colors, uh, what colors do you like? I can’t decide…” You ask tentatively, looking down a bit. Sowoen comes up beside you and immediately chooses a few colors. She must’ve been eyeing them earlier.

You look at her selection as she presents them to you, like a kid showing what she got for Christmas. She picked out two reds, a bright yellow, a green, a purple similar to her hair color, and three blues. You pick up the brighter red, the yellow, and a muted blue from her hand.

“Are you not going to get all of them?” Sowoen asks with a tilt of her head. You shake your head.

“No, this is enough. I don’t want to spend more than…” You feel like Sowoen thinks you’re stupid with the way she stares at you.

“Miss, you have the money for it, and you should have options for things, right?”

“I… I guess, but we still have to buy the canvas and an easel and those can be expensive and–” You cut yourself off as Sowoen puts the paints in your hands. “Ok…” You resign yourself to the fate of spending money that you don’t want to use.

Sowoen makes you follow her as she goes to get a basket, and then proceeds to pick more colors out for you. You have twenty different paints now, more than you’ve ever had in your life, and you’re nervous, but a tiny part of you is excited. You also grab a few canvases, a couple of brushes, paint thinner, and a retractable easel. You close your eyes when the cashier tells you your total, and shakily hand over Bada’s card to her. It is damn near a month and a half worth of your allowance back home, and you just (reluctantly), spent it like it is nothing.

You walk out of the store with Sowoen holding most of your bags–you begged to at least hold the bag of paints–, feeling a little bit giddy.

“Are you sure Ms. Lee won’t mind me having this?” You ask Sowoen for the nth time as you walk towards the car.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Sowoen says, holding the door open for you. She wanted to see if you would go to another store, but with how reluctant you were to buy the art supplies, she just figures that one step at a time is enough.

Not that Sowoen cares, though. She’s just glad that you aren’t isolating yourself in your room. Seeing you do that just brings up bad memories for her, so it’s better that you have something to do. Plus, it is good that she knows you’re not decomposing in your bed doing nothing, so she knows that she’s not failing at her job at watching you. You place your things in the back seat with you, and a small smile threatens to come across your faces.

“Shall we go back to the manor, Miss?” Sowoen asks as she starts the car. Your head snaps up, confusion on your face.

“I thought… Why are we going back to the manor?” You ask, blinking a few times.

“Is there anywhere else you’d like to go, Miss?” Sowoen asks, looking at you in the rearview mirror.

“No…” you say, “But, Ms. Lee said that… that I shouldn’t be in the house. I thought that she didn’t want me to be there…”

Sowoen feels her brows furrow and then straightens her face out. “Why… why would the boss say that?”

She can’t imagine Bada going through all of this effort to move you to the manor only for her to kick you out this early. Especially without getting her money from your parents. You blink at Sowoen, Sowoen blinks at you.

“I don’t know…” you answer, and you sit in silence for the rest of the car ride, thoughts swirling wildly in your head.

You arrive to the manor and follow Sowoen inside, and a maid takes your things to your room. You go to follow her until you stop, turning to Sowoen behind you.

“Um, can I… do you think that… I can go and visit Ms. Lee for a bit?” You ask, playing with the sleeves of your sweater, picking at the threads. Sowoen blinks at you, not expecting you to ever ask that question in your life.

“If she’s not busy, then sure,” Sowoen says, trying to keep her voice level.

You nod, turning on your heel and walking towards Bada’s office, hesitance in your steps. You stop in front of the door, raising your hand to go and knock, but you get too nervous and put your hand down. You repeat the motion two more times before wiping your slightly sweaty hands on your skirt, looking at Sowoen, who is staring at you.

“I’m nervous,” you whisper, stepping back from the door.

“Don’t be,” Sowoen whispers back. “The worst thing the boss could say is that she’s busy.” Well, that’s not entirely true. There are a lot of things Sowoen can imagine her saying that are worse than that, but she wouldn’t tell you that when you’ve gathered the courage to come here.

You lift your hand up once more, going to knock on the door until it opens, revealing Lusher and Tatter on the other side, about to leave the office. You quickly step to the side, bowing slightly, missing the incredulous look they give to Sowoen, and the confused shrug Sowoen gives back. They say nothing as they leave the office, giving you a slight bow back before they round the corner.

You’re embarrassed about being caught at the door, and you are about to scurry back into your room when you hear Bada’s voice from inside the office, sitting at her desk.

“What do you need?” She asks, and you faintly hear the scribble of her pen as she writes on the papers in front of her. You look back at Sowoen, who gestures for you to go inside.

“May… may I enter?” You ask, not moving across the threshold. Bada just nods, and you take a step forward, hands clasped in front of you. The door closes afterwards, and you start to miss Sowoen shadowing behind you. You speak after a beat, “Um, I just wanted to thank you, for, um, allowing me to come back to the manor.” Bada’s hand stops writing momentarily, but she soon continues before you can even notice it. “I know you wanted me to stay outside, but I had bought some things earlier, and Sowoen suggested coming back, so I assumed it was ok for me to be back here,” you ramble, not looking at Bada. “And about the buying-things-with-your-money thing, I really apologize for that, I should’ve asked for permission, I know I should have. So please, if there’s any way for me to pay you back or earn–” Bada looks up at you for a few seconds, silencing you.

“You can buy whatever you want,” Bada says and continues to write on her paper. You stay silent for a second, information turning in your brain.

“Um, yes, but with the card, it’s–”

“You can buy whatever you want. Must you make me repeat myself so often?” Ah, now she is annoyed, and you really should shut up.

Don’t complain, serve, and obey.

You close your mouth, stopping the protest you had on the tip of your tongue.

“No, I apologize,” you say, bowing slightly. You sit there, waiting for her to say you can go.

“You are dismissed,” Bada says after a second or two more. You turn to walk away, and Bada’s voice stops you, “Did you like what you got for yourself?” You turn back to her, thinking about how you have more paint than you’ve ever had before, how the canvases you got aren’t cheap and easily breakable, how the easel you have is brand new and not wobbly. You want to smile.

“Yes,” you answer with a nod.

Bada looks up at you once again before looking back down.

“Good. You may go.”

You exit the office then, chest still not filled with relief, but a little less hesitant about the things ahead of you.

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