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lizzieisright · 9 months

Text

At least I got you in my head (smutty bonus)

prologue (8) end

Can you read it on it's own? Yes!

Summary: In the beginning of your relationship you ask Abby to go slow for her own sake, because you don't want to overwhelm her with gayness. Abby, on the other hand, is so sexually frustrated she can't think about anything except sex.

Tags: first time with a woman (Abby), communication (they can't shut the fuck up! i love it for them), top!Abby, oral, fingering, Abby turns into a victorian man once again.

Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena @inlovewithelliewilliams @st4rluvrr @mai5mai @machetegirl109 @azelmawrites @rhae-blackqueen @vea-vea-vea @mnim58e @chubeline @strgrlxox @chrry1ovr @littletinyladybugs @shaemonyou @luvrmunson @saffronssapphic @zootedhoe @2012wannabe @elcantsleep (don't know if you guys would want to be tagged in this, sorry if not!)

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Abby was in fucking heaven. Being out and dating someone as gorgeous and smart as you? Being able to come back home to you? What could be better than that?

You were so attentive and understanding, caring, Abby even felt a little awkward, not really used to a partner who cares. You two talked a lot about being gay and how it changed both of you and how it was still changing Abby.

The first thing Abby enjoyed about being a lesbian was: she got to be dominant. With men she didn't really have an outlet for her natural dominance because well, gender roles and even if boys were okay with her being more assertive, they still expected her to be more of a seductress than what she had in mind. With you Abby got to enjoy initiating things the way she wanted to, grabbing you and kissing you, pressing you against all surfaces in the apartment - her favourite was picking you up and putting you on a kitchen counter where she could grope your thighs all she wanted - and you enjoyed it too. You told her so many times how much you loved her strength and Abby felt drunk on it, having someone to see it as something attractive instead of an obstacle.

"I'm scared to hurt you." Abby said, restraining herself from gripping you harder.

"Okay. We can do something with this." You smiled at her, your arms around her neck as you played with her braid. "Squeeze my thigh and I'll tell you if it hurts."

Abby squeezed carefully, not really using her strength, scared.

"Harder." Abby squeezed harder. "More." Now Abby felt like she was getting closer to what she wanted to do, but she was still anxious.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not yet. More."

Abby squeezed like she wanted the whole time, fighting her anxiety - you wouldn't lie to her, right?

"More."

Abby looked at you, surprised, but squeezed even more harder, digging her fingers into your thighs.

"Yeah that hurts a little, but still okay. Remember this feeling, okay? That's how hard you can go without hurting me. Works for you?"

How did you manage to fix all her worries Abby had no idea, but fuck she was thankful to have her first relationship with someone so understanding and open-minded when she was not sure what she was doing. It felt like fucking puberty all over again.

Abby was super fucking horny. Never in her life did she think about sex so much as she was thinking these days. And you were fucking mean.

(you were level-headed and wanted the best for her)

You told Abby you didn't want to rush things and let her have time to actually settle in her skin and not go head first into things so she wouldn't freak out, and yes, it made perfect fucking sense so Abby agreed to it.

Did she know you would not rush things for a month? No she fucking didn't.

No she fucking didn't.

Every time when Abby'd try to get a little further you wouldn’t let her, and if Abby could understand why two weeks ago, now she was thinking the problem was not that she was too excited, but it was something to do with you.

So the next time when Abby put her hands under your shirt while you were making out in the kitchen and you tried to stop her, Abby decided to confront you about it.

"You know, you told me we don't have to jump straight to sex, but you don't let me touch you at all." Abby said as she stood in front of you, bracketing you with her arms by your sides. "Why do I feel like it's not about me? If you're not ready to have sex for your own reasons that's fine, but-" Abby stopped, trying to find the right words to get her point across. "You can't make it look like this is about me when in reality it's about you."

"I just-" You averted your eyes from her. "I'm really scared. You're so important to me and I don't want to fuck it up. Fuck." You looked up and Abby saw how your eyes watered and it shocked her. Why was it so serious for you?

“Hey, look at me.” Abby took your face into her hands and made you look at her. You were on a brink of tears and Abby got worried. “What are you afraid of?”

You took a deep breath to calm down, irrationally nervous - you felt like an idiot. You knew objectively you were one, but annoying thoughts that consumed you in the past days sounded like a pretty plausible theory. Though now, when Abby cornered you and voiced her concerns you wanted to slam yourself in the face - you were an idiot. You knew exactly how to do it right, but instead you got delusional.

“I’m sorry. I was scared that once we have sex you’d be like ‘nope, this is weird, I’m actually straight’, but now when I hear myself say it I understand how stupid I sound.”

Abby looked at you, frowning.

“Yes, you do.” Abby said seriously. “You should’ve told me instead of deciding for me.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” You said honestly, looking at Abby and not shying away from her anger. She had every right to be angry with you. “I won’t push you away anymore.”

“No, listen, this is not the issue here.” Abby said impatiently and moved away to sit on the chair while you were still sitting on the kitchen counter. “It’s the fact that you don’t tell me what’s going on in your head. If you’re nervous and want to wait just say it, don’t cover it up with my lack of experience. Because not only is it condescending, but also makes it seem like you don’t trust me to decide what I want.” You heard the hurt and annoyance in Abby’s voice and it propelled your guilt into another level.

“You’re right. I got too insecure and it fucked me up. I’m sorry.” You looked at her again, trying to read her emotions.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Abby said under her nose. She was annoyed, but she couldn’t help but understand you. “I can’t believe someone as smart as you are can be so stupid.”

“I become very stupid when it comes to you.” You chuckled. It was true - all your confidence and rationality went out of the window when Abby was concerned.

“Yeah. Should’ve expected that.” Abby chuckled in return, softened by the fact that you liked her so much it turned you into an idiot. “Come here.”

You went over to Abby and she hugged you around your waist, poking your stomach with her nose.

“Next time be honest. Because I know I wanna fuck you.”

You swallowed as arousal washed over you. Your grip in her hair tightened and Abby looked up, smirking.

“You liked it, didn’t you?”

“You really want to?” You asked, ignoring her question, still worried that Abby didn’t know what she was signing up for.

“Yeah. I really want to.” Abby squeezed your butt and you yelped, surprised. “Do you?”

“We should build up our way here. Start with something.. small and safe.”

“You and your fucking worrying, I swear to god. You think I don’t know what naked girls look like?”

“But what about-”

Abby narrowed her eyes at you and you shut up.

“Be honest.” Abby ordered and your knees grew weak.

“Promise me to stop if you start to freak out.”

“Promise me to get out of your head. Otherwise I am going to freak out.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Abby stood up and tugged you in the direction of her bedroom, surprising you.

“What, you want to have sex now?”

“I’ve been waiting for a month, I’m not waiting any longer.”

You smiled and followed Abby to her bedroom - you noticed how impatient she was by how fast she was walking and how hard she was squeezing your hand, and once you entered the room, she spun around and pressed you into the door, kissing you. Abby wasn’t wasting time, immediately tugging your shirt off, fully knowing you didn’t have a bra on. So the moment your shirt hit the floor, Abby moved away a little just to look at you.

It was suddenly hard for her to breathe and her mouth literally watered as she stared at your tits, mesmerised. Abby wanted to put her mouth everywhere on your skin, so she pressed you back into the door, kissing you roughly as she caressed your sides before cupping your tits and groaning into your mouth: your tits were so fucking soft. You throbbed at the sound and arched into Abby to get closer while you carefully tugged on her shirt and she moved away again to impatiently pull her shirt off and throw it somewhere. Abby still had her sports bra on and you let her decide if she wanted it off, which she apparently didn’t.

“Bed.” Abby ordered in a low husky voice and you got wet just from this intonation.

“Tell me what you want.” You told her and walked her to the bed until she fell on it and you straddled her.

“Holy shit.” Abby looked at you, naked on top of her and she just couldn’t stop fucking staring, her dominance crumbling as she started to feel like a virgin, nervous and so fucking horny she was probably soaked through her sweats.

“Are you freaking out?” You asked, getting worried as Abby just stared at you with wide eyes.

“I- give me a second.” Abby took a few breaths to calm her nerves. Maybe you were right with this let’s not rush thing. “You’re so fucking pretty.” Abby ran her hands up and down your sides, squeezing experimentally. She finally settled on holding your hips, her thumb rubbing over your hip bones. “What-” Abby swallowed, her throat dry from arousal. “How do I make you feel good?”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you thought about it before?” You leaned down and kissed Abby’s neck, making her sigh and tighten the grip on your hips as you licked her skin.

“A million fucking times, god.” Abby ran her hands up and rubbed your back. She could feel your nipples on her abs and it sent shivers down her spine.

“Let’s start with this. Do what you want to do in your thoughts.”

Abby gripped your waist and rolled you on your back, pressing you down into the mattress and you closed your eyes in pleasure - you remembered wondering how it would feel, having Abby between your legs, her weight pressing you down, and now you could say it was absolutely delicious. And Abby watched you, seeing how much you were enjoying it.

“Do you- do you prefer to bottom?” Abby asked carefully, not sure if it was okay to ask. She sure as shit didn’t enjoy being pressed into the bed, always wanting to fight back, but you were different.

“I like both. Or are you talking about control?”

“What’s the difference?” Abby asked, a little more calmed down now. In her head it was simple: the one on top was in control.

“You can top and I’ll still tell you what to do and control you. Or you can top and control me, I’ll just lie there and take it.” That sounded fun. The second part of it, at least: having you, confident and collected at all times, under Abby's control - that was a power trip she never knew she needed before.

“Do you have a preference there?”

“Not really. I just go with the flow.”

Abby hummed and kissed you, pressing you into the bed harder so she could feel you under her, how your thighs stretched to make space for her. You arched into Abby and bucked your hips in a desperate need of friction and Abby froze.

That was hot.

"You okay?"

"Do that again."

You bucked your hips again with more purpose now and Abby pressed her forehead to yours, panting, before grinding down on you just in time. You gasped, desperate - you wanted Abby to touch you so fucking bad.

"Fuck, this is so hot. Holy shit." Abby murmured. She watched your face, contorted in pleasure as you shamelessly grinded on her.

"You know, we can get off just like this." You panted, trying to keep your noises down because being loud from some humping that wasn't even good enough was embarrassing. You weren't fifteen. "Just move your thigh between mine and-"

"No." Abby stopped you. "I want to fucking bury my face between your legs and I will."

"Fuck." You whimpered, painfully turned on. Abby and her fucking honesty. "You sure?"

"How do I make you feel so good you won't be able to ask your stupid questions?" Abby chuckled and suddenly got brave. She moved her hand between your bodies and cautiously placed it over your pubic, not quite there yet, but enough to taste the waters.

You bucked your hips into her hand, so fucking desperate it was ridiculous, no one made you feel this way before - Abby hasn't even done anything yet except kissing and here you were, soaked and greedy.

"You want me to touch you?"

Was it dirty talk or was Abby serious?

"If- if you want to. I'd like it very much." You managed to say with a grin and Abby rolled her eyes.

"That was too polite." Abby laughed, slowly moving her hand down over your clothed cunt. "Save it for Caitlyn."

Abby was nervous, not sure what would be her reaction to touching you like this, even through the sweats you had on - she knew how it felt to touch herself, but touching another woman was still different. She knew she'd probably like it - otherwise she'd not have dreamed about it for so long, but it was still kinda scary.

But Abby's wasn't a coward, so she cupped your pussy slowly and barely held on her groan - you were hot and soft and wet, wet through your fucking pants - and it was a lot to take in, but Abby liked it way more than she expected. And the way you tensed under her, your eyes tightly shut - nothing in her life was hotter than this.

"Good?"

"Fuck, yes. If you make me cum in my pants I swear to god- ah!" Abby pressed slow circles to where she thought your clit might be and it worked.

"So that's how you finally shut up." Abby laughed and you kicked her shoulder playfully. "What?"

You opened your mouth to say something again, but Abby leaned down and caught your nipple into her mouth and you twitched and sighed.

"Fuck, yeah. I like it." You put your hand on Abby's hair and let her play with your tits as long as she wanted.

Okay, tits were fun, Abby decided, licking and sucking on your nipple while she squeezed the other tit with her free hand. You were making these pretty noises under her and Abby was losing her mind, so turned on it was unbelievable. Your pants were getting wetter and wetter as Abby drew circles on your clit and Abby wanted to feel it. She wanted to feel how wet she got you. Abby let your nipple out with a pop and looked at you.

"Can I take your pants off?" You opened your mouth and she knew what you were going to say, so she sped up, making you whimper instead. "Nuh-uh. No stupid questions. Can I take your pants off?"

"What the fuck?" You asked yourself as you laughed quietly, breathing hard. "Why do I feel like it's my first time with a girl and not yours? Yeah, take them off."

Abby sat back and tugged them off, taking underwear with them too - she wasn't going to waste her time on a tiny piece of clothing to, what did you say? Build up to it? No, she wasn't a pussy.

"Because you're worrying too much." Abby said as she helped untangle your pants off your ankles. "Fuck, you have such pretty ankles." Abby drew circles on delicate skin there, the thought that she could connect her fingers around them made her fucking black out from arousal.

"Thanks." You grinned, but you got nervous: Abby's hands felt like restraints and you weren't a fan of it. But Abby moved her hands up your calves, your knees and stopped at your thighs.

Abby was at her ultimate goal: you were naked under her and all she needed to do is to spread your thighs and put her mouth on you. But there was a problem.

Abby actually had no idea how to eat a girl out. Ellie's stories didn't cover that part.

You noticed Abby's hesitance and reached out to her hand, interlocking your fingers.

"What's up?"

"I uh." Abby swallowed as she looked you over, naked and pretty and looking at her with such tenderness and understanding Abby wanted to burst. "I don't know how to- How do I eat you out?"

"Oh." You sighed, surprised. You were expecting Abby to tap out, but her innocent question, her trust to be vulnerable and admit she didn't know what to do made your heart swell. "Okay. I can give you directions if you want. Or I can show you on you."

Abby tensed - the idea of you going down on her wasn't something she was ready for yet.

"Instructions would be nice."

"Okay."

You slowly spread your legs and bent them so Abby'd have a better view - you weren't sure she'd want that, but you trusted her - and Abby stared at your cunt with such intensity your face heated up. Abby was looking at everything, at your pussy lips, at your clit, at your wet hole that was glistening, and her mouth watered. Yeah, she didn't know what to do but fuck she wanted to taste you.

"Holy shit." Abby greedily squeezed your thighs and got closer, not taking her eyes from your cunt. "Am I in fucking heaven?"

You laughed.

"You really want to do this, huh?"

"So how do I make you shut up again?" Abby said playfully.

"Do you want me to guide you or do you want some tips and do what you want to do?"

Guidance was nice, but also Abby wanted to just focus on you and not hear a coherent word from you, so.

"Tips."

"Give me your hand."

Abby did as you told her and you put your mouth on her forearm, rubbing your flat tongue up and down to give her an example. Abby's eyes went dark as she watched you and she squeezed your thigh harder.

"Keep your tongue flat and soft and you're good. Your jaw will hurt, so take a break when you need one."

Abby took a breath to calm herself a little, because her impatience was making her rush and she wanted to savour it.

So Abby leaned down again and kissed you while she slowly moved her hand up your thigh, her fingers shaking a little in anticipation. And the way you spread your legs for her made Abby dizzy - you wanted her to touch you, you were at her mercy an fuck it was getting into her head.

Abby slowly parted your folds the way she did to herself a million times before and you gasped when her fingers brushed over your clit. Abby grunted, trying not to be so embarrassing but feeling your wetness on her fingers was fucking amazing.

"Shit, you're so wet." Abby sighed heavily and slowly moved her hand up and down your cunt, needing to feel how hot and soft you were. She moved her fingers over the curve to your hole experimentally, her fingertips touching just the edges and you bucked your hips, your nails digging into her shoulders. "Are you always this sensitive?"

"I didn't know I could be this sensitive." You huffed, embarrassed. "I guess a month without sex will do that to a person."

"You did it to yourself, idiot." Abby said affectionately and kissed your neck, slowly moving down your body.

"Fair." You sighed loudly as you watched Abby kiss your ribs, then stomach and then she finally moved down.

Abby kissed your hip bone as she rubbed your thighs. She wasn't rushing, giving herself enough time to appreciate what was happening and get used to her senses being attacked with your scent, your warmth, the feel of your skin under her chin - that was new but she liked it so much she stopped restraining herself and literally buried her nose in your pussy, breathing you in, and you yelped as your hands flew to Abby's hair that was so unfortunately braided.

"Fuck, Abby-" You panted. "Give the girl a warning."

But Abby wasn't listening anymore, she was too busy finally putting her mouth on you, exploring: she was curious to feel every part of your pussy under her lips. She kissed your pubic, the crease of your thigh, just above your clit, her chin was already wet and Abby swallowed because there was too much saliva in her mouth.

"How-how do you feel?" You asked her as you breathed heavily: for Abby it was an exploration and for you it was fucking teasing, the way you wanted to just buck your hips into her face was unbearable. But you restrained yourself: this was about Abby and not about you now.

"Like I was meant to be here all my life." Abby chuckled and kissed your pussy lips the same way she kissed your mouth: lips were lips, right?

You clutched the pillow when Abby's bottom lip brushed over your clit and Abby looked up to watch your reaction as she literally made out with your cunt: you were fucking magical. Abby didn't even notice how she used her tongue and licked your clit, your taste exploding in her mouth as you whimpered, just because she was too busy watching you, shifting into horny "do everything to make her feel good" mindset.

And now Abby was on a mission. She didn't waste any time, angling her head and latching onto your clit just as you told her, making her tongue as flat and as soft as she could, given that she never did this before.

"Oh shit." You sighed loudly. "Less pressure, Abby." You told her and Abby eased up - she was getting too excited again and was rushing things.

So Abby took a loud breath through her nose and let herself relax a little, taking a slow, gentle pace as she rubbed your clit on her tongue, her eyes rolling back when she picked up your slick - it wasn't even the taste that drove her crazy, but the viscous texture of it.

"Fuck." You sighed and interlocked your fingers with Abby's on your stomach. "Fuck, you're really enjoying it." You watched Abby's concentrated face as she was eating you out like it was her pleasure and not yours.

Abby made an agreeing noise and it went right to your clit and you hissed.

"You can- you can go faster if you want." And Abby picked up her pace as well your voice picked up volume: it felt so fucking good, Abby was really meant to be between your legs like this. Her pace haltered a lot from inexperience and because her jaw was starting to hurt, but you didn't care - she was still making you feel so good and your orgasm was starting to build up already.

But Abby needed a breather so she moved away and looked at you, frowning, as if she was calculating something.

"How do I make you cum?"

"You know you don't have to. I'm enjoying this as it is already."

"I want to. Can I use my fingers?"

"Yeah, yeah, you can. Start with one, okay?"

That wasn't what Abby was thinking about, but if she'd get to feel you like this, she was jumping this train right away.

Abby sat up in all her muscled glory and looked you over again, panting, naked and pretty and all for her.

"You're so fucking hot."

"Kiss me."

Abby leaned down to you and kissed you sweetly as she parted your folds, now more confident. She went up and down, smearing your slick and her saliva over the whole length of your cunt and then very slowly dipped her finger inside. She sighed into your mouth, surprised at how hot and soft you were inside, her mind reeling because she felt like was experiencing something holy now.

Thankfully Ellie's stories covered this part and Abby curled her finger, looking for- for- what was she supposed to be looking for?

"Fuck." You sighed and Abby watched your face, trying to guess what would feel better as she probed around with her finger. "Right- fuck, right there."

Abby immediately locked the position of her finger, trying to remember what she was feeling to find it later too, because she already knew she wouldn't leave you alone after this. The hunger Abby felt was building up for twenty years in her, and now she had you to feed her.

Abby didn't wait for you to tell her to go faster, picking up the pace enough to make you louder and grip her arm harder.

"You know, I like listening to these noises way more than to your worrying." Abby murmured into your ear and you gasped. "Can I add another one?"

"Yeah- and fuck you." You chuckled and Abby raised her brows.

"You meant fuck you? Because this is what is happening."

"You're so cocky."

"Yeah, maybe."

Abby slowly pulled out her finger and just as slowly pushed two back in - she was gentle, scared to hurt you because you were tight around her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry."

Abby started slow, basking in the feeling of your cunt around her fingers, the way you were all wet and hot for her, how soft your walls were when she curled her fingers looking for the same spot as before, but it wasn't that easy.

"Fuck, I lost it." Abby whispered to herself and you giggled.

"Don't worry about it, it feels good. I like it." You reached down and corrected Abby's hand position. "Here."

Abby nodded and curled her fingers hard, too eager to please you and you gasped, scaring Abby - did she hurt you with how hard she moved her hand?

"Shit, did I-"

"Do that again."

Oh. Abby smirked and went harder on you, practically holding you by your cunt with how hard she was curling her fingers inside and you felt yourself getting closer and closer with each touch of Abby's fingers. It felt amazing and you knew from experience athlete's hands wouldn't get tired too fast so Abby could easily make you cum like this, so you relaxed and concentrated on each thrust of her fingers as they were getting you closer to your climax, but then Abby stopped.

"Wha-" You asked, confused, but Abby moved back between your thighs and you laughed happily. "Okay, that works too."

"Were you close?"

Oh. Abby didn't notice it - of course she didn't, how many pussies she's been in before to know how it feels - and your face heated up.

"Yeah."

The shit-eating grin on Abby's face was so precious you didn't say anything in return and just interlocked your fingers again. It wasn't super comfortable to get in front of your pussy with no hands, but Abby wasn't going to let you go if her life depended on it. Somehow she managed to lie down while still having her fingers in you and now she had to figure out how to fucking multitask. Abby’s mouth watered as she watched her fingers disappear in you while you whimpered, and she put her mouth back on your clit, doing the same thing as she did before, gently rubbing your clit in a pace that was fast and didn't get her jaw tired too early.

You dug your nails into Abby's knuckles as you felt your orgasm getting closer - at this point if Abby could keep her fingers moving you wouldn't even need her mouth to cum. Your heavy breathing turned into squeaky moans at each time Abby's fingers hit right in time with her tongue and Abby watched you with dark eyes, clearly enjoying the way you were enjoying her.

Abby gently sucked on your clit to move her jaw a little and you jumped, holding onto her hand painfully. Abby got surprised and her pace broke for a moment, but it made her double her efforts, her fingers getting rougher and her tongue not changing the pace.

"Fuck I'm so close-" You sobbed. "Don't change anything." You managed to moan and Abby was more than happy to oblige.

And now Abby felt it, how you got so tight on her fingers it almost hurt and arousal went over her like in a hot wave. Abby closed her eyes, falling into lustful bliss, licking and sucking your clit just for her own satisfaction because it felt amazing, and Abby didn't notice how your thighs started to close around her head, but the new weight on her shoulders made her moan into your pussy and you suddenly got super silent.

Abby looked up, worried, but the moment she looked at your frown she knew you were cumming so she kept her pace and watched you shudder and moan so low it got loud, and then she felt your walls pulsate around her fingers in big waves and Abby blacked out again because she was experiencing God by this point. You clung to her hand, leaving crescent marks on her knuckles and tugged on her hair, but Abby was so out of it, collecting all your juices with her tongue, she didn't care about mild pain.

"Abby-Abby fuck-" You moaned because she wasn't stopping and you were getting too sensitive. "Come on, baby, come here."

Abby opened her eyes and you saw how blown out her pupils were - she was getting pussydrunk and you just laid back hopelessly and let her do what she wanted. Abby slowly took her fingers out and sucked them clean before diving back in and lapping at your hole, pushing her tongue inside and you whimpered, shaking, tugging on her hair.

"Abby, shit-" You sobbed. "Come here."

This time Abby actually listened and crawled on top of you, her chin wet. You held her face in your hands and wiped her chin gently. Abby kissed you, rough enough to press your head into the pillow and you hugged her shoulders, pressing closer to her..

“Was it good?" Abby asked, trying to hide her embarrassment, but you still heard it in her voice.

"What does this look like?" You showed her your trembling arm, still feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm. "It was so fucking good, Abby, it’s ridiculous how good it was.” Abby laughed at your playful offense, relieved she didn’t fuck up. “What do you want me to do for you?"

Abby suddenly tensed - she wasn't sure she was ready for it yet, to be touched like this. She honestly didn't even notice how turned on and pent up she was, too lost in making you feel good, but her clit was pulsing and aching for some relief and Abby wanted to cum, she just didn't know how.

"We don't have to do anything." You reminded Abby when she hesitated to give you an answer. "But if you want to you can use my thigh or my fingers or my mouth, I'm all for it."

Maybe this is where Abby would like to start small and safe, because she knew for sure she wasn't ready for oral yet, thigh thing sounded awkward so she settled on good old fingers.

"Yeah, you can touch me."

You smiled, happy, and gently moved your hand between your bodies, trailing Abby's abs with your fingertips, making her flex her muscles.

"You wanna lie on your back?"

No she didn't. You saw Abby tense and didn't push further, clearly reading she wasn't yet comfortable with being vulnerable like this.

So you slowly pushed your hand into her pants, watching her reaction. Abby closed her eyes and gasped when you brushed over her clit, so you started rubbing it up and down carefully, not knowing how sensitive Abby was.

"Good?"

"Yeah." Abby said in a husky voice and squeezed your side.

You kissed her cheek and sped up just a little and Abby screwed her shut and started breathing heavily, knowing she wouldn't last long, too pent up after a fucking month of cock-blocking and seeing you cum just now.

"You're so wet." You sighed in wonder and sped up again, making Abby tense as she got overwhelmed and so close to the edge it was embarrassing. "I like seeing you like this." You told Abby as you watched her intently, her knitted brows and tense jaw as she tried to not be loud, grunting and squeezing your side painfully.

You circled her clit and Abby shuddered violently, cumming with a strained grunt, her head falling on your shoulder as her hot slick covered your fingers. You eased up on her but didn't stop to prolong her orgasm.

"Stop, stop-stop-stop." Abby panted and you obeyed, just cupping her pussy. "Fuck."

You chuckled and kissed Abby gently, feeling very soft and full of love for her and she relaxed on top of you, still breathing heavily. You slowly took your hand out of her pants and broke the kiss to suck on your fingers and Abby honest to god blushed as she watched you.

“Why would you do that?” Abby laughed, embarrassed, but you were too busy enjoying her taste.

“Why did you do it?” You laughed too and Abby pinched your side. "Was it good for you too?"

"Yeah." Abby nuzzled into your neck. "Can we do it again in like, ten minutes?"

Oh fuck, you thought as you laughed, Abby was going to be a fucking pussy fiend.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson #abby tlou #abby anderson smut #aligyinmh

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rubydollchaos · 1 year

Text

My friend is having a baby in January and I can't decide if I'm seeing red flags because I'm not happy about the situation or because they're actually there.

I don't want kids. I don't like most kids. Some are okay and some are quite sweet but generally I don't have the patience for them. Way too needy. And babies, something that's gonna wake me up in the night for months? No thank you. And I thought my friend was the same. She's never cooed over babies, when a third party was sighing about how she'd love a fourth baby, we were both blank eyed and I absorbed the way she described her babies as being soft and warm and hers but am certain I would never feel that way. So her announcement was a shock. Also we're in our early 40s. I'm hoping menopause comes soon.

She didn't seem excited about the pregnancy but it's a huge thing and can be overwhelming so it's to be expected, right? Everyone thinks "what have we done?" at some point, yeah? But then she said something about how "the deal was..." that she wouldn't have to go back to work at the same place she hates afterwards. She's hated her job for a long time, applied for others, got offered a different job but didn't want to take the pay cut and lose her lunch break by working less hours, so she took a different job doing the same thing and while the details of the stressors have changed, nothing has fundamentally changed.

But having a baby will fix that, right? She'll have a different focus, different priorities and babies typically reach milestones quite frequently so I expect seeing that progress is very rewarding.

And then there's the gender. She said the sonographer did not sound certain and I did finally ask for clarification if they did know what they were having. She said she's pretending she doesn't know because she's "kind of in denial". So I guess they're not having the gender she really wanted? That's a good start...

But the worst one was when she casually mentioned that they'd leave the baby to cry so it would learn that wasn't how it got attention. Crying is literally the only way a baby can communicate and it has no other means of getting its needs met. Yeah, I suppose it will eventually learn that crying achieves nothing, along with knowing its needs will not be met, that the universe is a cruel uncaring place because the people through which it is able to express care chooses to put their needs and convenience first. I just found it kinda shocking that I, with my I hate babies attitude, still think that when baby cries, you comfort them. I would want my child to know that if they need something they can come to me (and this is also part of why I don't want kids. I like the ideal but I don't want to deal with the reality).

I'm already expecting our friendship to drift a little since I'm not into kids and I expect she'll turn more to her friends who have had kids but I'm also kinda worried for this poor baby. My friend is going to aqua natal and ante natal classes but I feel like she's doing these as activities rather than an outlet for her baby incoming enthusiasm.

This isn't like a new haircut she got on a whim that I think is awful and she seems lukewarm about, or even a job I think is a bad idea. This is a person they're bringing into the world and a great fucking deal depends on those first few years of life.

Maybe she's toning down her enthusiasm because she knows I'm not a baby person. Maybe she's all gooey and maternal with her kid having friends. I really hope they can give her some good advice.

#Long

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thebibliosphere · 3 years

Note

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After.

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting.

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom.

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man.

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms...

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful.

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs

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shtern-and-art · 3 years

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"Skeppy will probably cry" "Bad will probably cry". Bish, screw, that I am crying!!!

This whole thing was bloody gorgeous and I wasn't expecting that ending. I had no clue what ending to expect but that was definitely better than any I could have hoped for. Forest spirit to soulmate your honour!

I was terrified that you were gonna leave it at the point where he loses the spirit and becomes mortal again. If you had I would be actively sobbing!!!! And oh my god, the art!!! I still can't get over how wonderful your style is.

Imma ask fun things because if I don't I'll sit in a puddle of emotion all night:

What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it? Poor Skeppy trying to answer 101 questions about something he doesn't really use XD.

Is no one concerned that the odd couple from a town they never name has a pet wolf??

Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while. Find hidden creeks and befriend bears?

Does Bad still have a connection to nature and animals, like are creatures naturally more trusting of him?

Do they ever visit the og town again?

Does Skeppy still cause absolute chaos in other towns or has he learnt his lesson and only causes minor trouble now?

Does Bad ever try and study again? If he did what would he study and would Skeppy try to study as well?

Does Skeppy steal? I dunno, he just give off the vibe of a naughty lil trickster who'll pocket something if the owner refuses to sell it him.

Immediately after leaving the forest what the first 'argument' they have (not including the car one)?

Would they ever ride horse? If yes, how terrified would Skeppy be?

Skeppy falls outta tree. I don't know why but my mind keeps telling me that this man has great balance until he climbs trees. They are his mortal enemy and Bad finds this both hilarious and terrifying because he is going to hurt himself.

I had waaaaay more questions than I intended to have. My bad '^_^ but this story was way too much fun to read and you are entirely to blame for making it so engaging!

Make sure to take care of yourself and do stretches after and during drawing. You don't wanna hurt yourself <3

AaaaI’m so glad you liked it! :D And, dang, man, I cried while writing that part too :D

And I promised a nice ending for the main story, I did, and this one also makes the most sense narratively! For the story I wanted to tell, at least. Bad can’t really become human again, he’s changed to much. He can only move on, and do something with what he is, and has. And he did! :D That’s really nice and inspiring, this story will always have a place in my heart, heheh <3

Being a guardian spirit connected to a person and all, Bad may be not as strong as before, but he can’t die unless Skeppy dies first. And Skeppy can do that, but he’s pretty sturdy, and his lifespan operates on a whole other scale than human ones. And Bad knowing Skeppy’s real name balances it all out, makes them equal in the power and influence they have over each other.

So hellyeah, soulmates for the win :DDD

I’ll answer all questions under the cut, and this close up from one of the pages!

1) What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it?

Probably a pager! Because it’s a more feasible thing to get than a wholeass computer Bad actually wanted :D An it means Skeppy will have to get one too, and that Bad will be having the time of his life texting him and everyone he can get a number from, even if they’re still in the room with him.

Poor Skeppy indeed, he can learn to appreciate the pagers, and later phones, too, and computers, but he really has 0 idea on how it all works and why Bad is so fascinated by it all.

2) Rat and regular people

Oh, she can shapeshift, just like Bad! If they’re out with people around, she takes form of a puppy, and Bad can pass her off as a weird mix breed rescue doggo.

3) Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while?

Oh, since they have no end destination in mind, they can ride around for a bit, go visit some cool places and roadside attractions. Sadly, Skeppy is probably not spiritually or morally ready to full on befriend wild bears yet, and they do need money for gas and snacks. So, at some point they will have to stop somewhere and find work – at least for a bit, to save up. Life’s gonna be a bit complicated with all that, until Skeppy figures out his treasure-finding abilities :DD

4) Bad and nature and animals

He is definitely still in tune with all wildlife! Even more – Bad could become a proper guardian spirit for Skeppy in part because, in a way, Skeppy himself is part of the nature.

So yeah, Bad can understand animals (and plants) and communicate with them; they’re just more free to not take his shit, and Bad’s emotions do not “possess” them unless he makes an effort to do so.

He doesn’t like doing it, tho.

5) Do they ever visit the og town again?

Hm, I think they will completely forget about it for a while, until, like, 30+ years later they will be going somewhere, and find themselves around those parts. And they try to not appear too often in the areas they’ve spent a lot of time in already (they can be pretty recognizable, and also barely show signs of aging). But it’s been a long time, and the town’s really different now… So they make a stop, and spend a day there. They walk the unfamiliar streets between the new buildings, check out the popular hiking trail, the advertisements for hot springs and winter activities. The old cinema is still there, and is hosting an all-night marathon of classic horror movies of the last century.

Bad and Skeppy leave the town after sunset – the day was nice, but they have nothing more to do there. They ride through the forest on a well paved road, with radio playing something barely above the whisper. And in the dark of hot summer night, Bad can see the white stag running between the trees alongside their car. Shadows dance over the shimmering light of it’s fur.

Somewhere after the towns border, the stag disappears back in the forest. But the air in the car stays light and fresh, saving the smell of old pines and dry leaves all though the night.

6) Skeppy and chaos

Well, after the whole mess in the main story, Skeppy definitely learned some lessons, especially about not being a dick :D

But the thing is – he can’t really help the fact that things tend to stir up around him a lot. He naturally brings in chaos into everything, because he is, in part, a personification, or an outlet for it in the world. And so, to feel, well and good, and himself Skeppy gotta do stuff that disrupts balance, and creates some mayhem. And in gave him a lot of trouble in early life, but in the course of the main story he learned that he can chose were he lets that chaos to take hold, learned what can come of that chaos, apart from utter misery.

Like, where it can help dismantle something destructive, and where – bring in the more positive change, that was already brewing, possible, but is stagnant for some reason.

Soooo, I can’t say Skeppy causes only minor chaos in his life, but he sure learns even more about not being a dick :DDDD

7) The studying

I think Bad will want to get a higher education at some point, because he wanted to, and because it’s already new millennia and all that. Bet he’ll go for something very technical and/or literature. Maybe he’ll start by piking up some classes in small time colleges, when they stop in one place for a while, and later get into an online program, because why not.

Skeppy is not a college guy at all. He’ll listen to Bad talk about it, read textbooks if he wants to, can research stuff, buuut going to classes and doing homework is definitely not his thing.

8) Stealing

Well, you’re right, Skeppy can and will steal stuff out of spite! And will be scolded by Bad for it, and will not feel (that) sorry about it. But real stealer between them will be Bad himself :D

It’s just… he has the corvid tendencies, and a hoard (a box) of sentimental mementos from different people and events, and the thrill of stealing something small and harmless is very exciting. Bad is very proud of his little collection. Skeppy finds it very adorable, a bit hypocritical, and kinda creepy. Like, that pretty box he gifted Bad at some point is now full of stuff like:

- pressed flower from the clearing they had a picnic at on their anniversary

- the button the waitress lost that one day the storm caused a black out in the whole town

- some small animal bones

- couple pretty rocks Bad stole from Skeppy’s pockets

- penny that was once glued to the ground

- a handful of teeth people (and not people) lost in fights with Bad

- pen from some fancy hotel

- rainbow dash keychain that belonged to a child

- the list goes on

9) Argument

Oh, that same day they’ll fight over whether they should stay at the really crappy and suspicious looking motel, or go sleep in a perfectly fine forest near the road. Ironically, Bad wanted to try out the motel (because, yay, first time spending the night back in civilization), and Skeppy was the one insisting on sleeping in nature (because the motel looks like it could give you 10 diseases if you even stand near it, and sleeping in the forest is kind of nice, and means they can cuddle).

10) Horses

The guys will probably ride them at some point. Well, Bad will ride, and Skeppy will sit on his horse and hope it knows what to do and where to go, because trying to make this giant thing do something seems dangerous. If they’ll have to actually go somewhere fast, Skeppy will not survive that day, his butt (and legs) will be dead for days to come.

And riding with Bad on one horse may sound romantic and nice, but all romance dies when the gallop starts.

11) Skeppy and climbing

Skeppy is more down to earth kind of guy, more of a “rocks and caves” kind of creature, real-life lizard person or something. Up on the trees and in the air – not really his element, yeah. But it doesn’t mean that Skeppy will accept this fact easy. The embarrassment of never managing to safely make it down a tree is too strong, he just has to do it all over again, and again. And again. Because, clearly, he was distracted this time. And the time before that Bad was teasing him, and it “disrupted his flow”. And, really, maybe these trees here just do not like Skeppy much, and make him slip a lot. Yeah.

So, more often than not, if Skeppy climbs a tree, he will not stop climbing it until he falls, or the tree ends. Bad had to take him off high branches couple times, forcefully, because, of course, Skeppy was sitting there for 2 hours just to properly enjoy the sunset. He can climb down at any point, he just Choses not to. The view is amazing. The bark is literally part of his skin now, not because he holds on tight, no, he’s just Than Much one with the nature )<

---

Don’t apologize for the questions! It’s always so fun to answer them, and it makes me think more about stuff I may have skipped, or didn’t think about before. It’s really nice :3c

Again, thank you for the ask, and for being here for this story! <3

(And I’ll try setting timers for rest breaks while I draw, mb that will help)

---

In The Dark - masterpost

#mcyt #mcyt fanart #badboyhalo #skeppy #skephalo #In The Dark #it's so hot here #my laptop's keyboard is like a stove #=c=#shtern talks

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slfcare · 3 years

Note

hi, i'm so sorry if this is very random, but i don't have anyone to talk to about this and i feel so horrible but not really at the same time.. a close friend of mine started ignoring me a while ago and because i lived my life being abandoned by every friend i've ever had, my immediate response was to overthink and come to the conclusion that i'm being abandoned again. it didn't help that i saw them having fun and talking happily with others, it felt that only i was being ignored and that hurt a lot because i never would've expected that from them, we always talked through everything. a little while later i made a few tweets on my private account i use as an outlet to vent and think and the tweets i made were more or less pondering and thoughts upon thoughts.

the friend then called me out on "sub-tweeting" them in private messages even though the only instance i could think of was when i was publicly talking with a psychologist acquaintance which isn't the point, i just feel horrible because they told me i was being selfish for not thinking about their feelings but i needed them terribly as well and they ignored me instead.. they told me they don't feel like talking to me anymore at all and it feels like i'm playing yo-yo with my feelings because one second i want to cry my heart out and then the next i'm pretty sure i had the right to feel like i was being ghosted on.

am i a bad friend?

I don't think you're a bad friend, I just think that both of you are having a hard time recognizing each other's boundaries and needs. Whereas your friend ignoring you could've been a way to tell you they need some time alone to them, to you it just sent off the message that they were dropping you. And the other way around you vented and felt neglected, while they've seen it as a petty sub-tweeting situation.

Every advice post I make usually circles back to communication, but that's because it's exactly what's often missing here. You're on two seperate pages and both assuming what the other wants or feels, and then you adjust your behavior to what you think is their motive. But you don't know their motives because you haven't asked or had an honest conversation about it.

If your friend's ignoring you, then of course it'll hurt, but while I still don't think you're a bad friend, I do believe you could be a better friend by giving them the opportunity to clear up if and why they're ignoring you. It could be as simple as to just ask, "I noticed you haven't replied to my messages. do you need me to give you some time for a while?" If they say yes or ignore you again, then you grant them that time. If they say no then you ask what's up.

You ultimately can't know what they do or don't want from you, you don't know how they feel towards you and what they need from you. But it's not your responsibility to fill in those gaps on their behalf. You ask what they need, you express and explain what you need, and then you respect their decision and feelings and go on knowing exactly what position your relationships as friends is in. And expressing yourself is a healthy way to deal in times like this, but do keep in mind how it translates to them if you do it publicly.

In conclusion: you're not a bad friend, you just have to stop yourself from assuming what they think about you and be honest / communicate. ♡

#advice from a friend

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sukunastoy · 2 years

Note

hey, srry to be the one to rant in ur inbox but i saw u were open to anons and ur one of the few ppl ik in this fandom space thts around my age group and i was just wondering. how??

ive been on tumblr and in fandom/fanfic communities since i waz around 15, its basically my main hobby and pretty much the only social outlet i have, and ive just been so down and so lonely because ive been feeling shunned and excluded pretty much everywhere once i disclose my age and i absolutly completely understand WHY bc there r so many younger ppl in these places, but i dont know what else to do. it feels like nothing is fun anymore. the general consensus seems to b that i should just fck off and have some kids and pay bills until i die. how do u deal with it?? are u ever bothered by it? i feel likr a creep for even being here still, but it’s one of the only things i still have tht brings me joy. srry if that was a lot, i feel bad even compareing myself to u in any way because im nowhere near as talented as u are, absolutly delete this if it makes u uncomfortable whatsoever

hope u are doing well yourself 💙 ty for being u

First of all, NEVER be sorry to rant to my inbox!! And I truly feel appreciative for you to tell me all of this. This is a safe space and you're always welcome to it! My reply is a bit long, I didn't want to flood anyone with a super long post, so the rest is beneath the cut.

I completely understand how you feel, about the age thing and the ever present societal norms of "Must be an adult, must have kids, must do this, yada yada". Its depressing as fuck.

I've been into anime and manga since around 13-14 years old (apart from Pokemon which I've loved -And still do!- since the age of 5.)

I always wrote fanfics, always did fanart, even if I thought it was absolute garbage, I was still so happy just doing it. It has been something that got me through the toughest times in my life. I struggle with suicidal depression, always have for as long as I can remember, even back in my single digit days before even becoming a teenager. When I started to reach the age of "adulthood" I started to shy away from what I loved doing because I felt as an adult, I wasn't allowed to enjoy what I truly loved anymore, cause I needed to "grow up." And I did that. For a while. I rarely acknowledged anime. I sold all of my manga, my wall scrolls, my merch. I stopped drawing/writing it as much cause I needed to focus on being an adult, paying my bills, going to college, all that crap.

But, I got worse in my depression. I self harmed, had to go to therapy, had to start medication, and at one point I actually wrote that final goodbye note because I couldn't handle the norm of "being a mature adult" so I figured I must be useless otherwise. If I wasn't happy playing my adult role in society, what was the point of me even living?

During this time I went to college for 3 years, stressing, crying, working on a degree that I didn't even want because I thought it was expected of me. (I've always wanted to go to an art school and get a degree there. But my parents and everyone else in family told me, thats not a real degree. So I left it behind...) For 3 years I wasted my time and money and sanity to try to appease the people who don't pay my bills, don't put food in my mouth and certainly don't do shit for me otherwise, and I finally stopped and thought...

WHY?

WHY am I trying to impress and fit in with people who don't even really know me or provide for me?

I dropped out of the college that was stressing me out. I lost that money, but oh well, I was miserable, and my mental health is more important to me.

I don't want kids. I don't want that boring life of "just work til your dead". I don't want to have boring hobbies that I don't even like just to fit in with the people of my age range who I could care less about.

I'm turning 30 in a few months, and I regret wasting a few years of my life trying to fit into this norm of, bullshit. (And please note to whoever is reading this, if doing a lot of the 'norm' and having a family with kids and everything IS happiness for you, that is beautiful!! I am only referring to the people who don't want that life, and it should NOT be forced upon them.)

I love anime. I love drawing it, writing fics for it, interacting with other people over it, and I don't know why I ever tried to deny that.

I was afraid to return online in the fandoms because surely everyone must only be young teenagers right? Actually, not at all!

I've interacted with SO MANY people near my age range, and, it is truly amazing.

There are lots of people close in age, sometimes they're just a little difficult to find, but they are there, I promise, and they are amazing. I've enjoyed anime more in my adult life now than when I was younger tbh because I stopped caring about what others think and that my age is literally just a number. I'll be 30. So what, that doesn't change what I love. My body is getting older, that's all. I am still ME.

My fiance and I still go out and play Pokemon Go, collect Pokemon cards, like, I have BINDERS full of cards. The store we go to is ALWAYS packed with other people our age and way older who love Pokemon, Digimon, YuGiOh, and all sorts of other anime things they offer there.

These people are out there!

I started being more open with my likes and interests with strangers and coworkers, and I found out a lot of people really are into this, but felt they had to keep it hidden cause they didn't want anyone to think they were weird because of their age.

I surround myself with those who I know are supportive of me, or don't have a problem with my likes and interests and I stay away from those who try to shame me, and I kick them out of my life because I don't need that negativity in my circle. Some people my age who aren't into anime don't have a problem with me being into it at all. They've never shunned me for it. If anyone does, goodbye.

Life is short, its hard, its shitty. It doesn't need to be made worse by trying to appease those who aren't providing for you or feeling like you're not allowed to love what you love. So enjoy the things you love to enjoy. If there's something that you can latch onto that brings honest happiness into your life, cherish it.

I hope this helped in some way...even if just a tiny bit...

I know it was long, but I wanted to explain as much as I could so you don't feel like you're alone or left behind in the fandoms because of age. I tried to deny what brought me joy, and it only brought me more misery. I hated it.

I'm so much happier now, and I truly hope this type of peace comes for you soon as well.

Always feel free to drop in my inbox as anon, I would NEVER delete something like this.

Again, I hope this helped. If I didn't acknowledge something, or seemed to entirely misunderstand, I dearly apologize and please correct me if needed!!

💕 (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

(❁´◡`❁)~Stay shameless!

#love what you love #always feel free to rant to me #i'm always here to read it and let you know someone is listening!#shameless-stan #sometimes im an idiot and i suck at words #but i will always reply the best way i can!

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shipping1addict · 3 years

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I had this big argument with a friend (well, more like associate) the other day and it made me really upset and emotional.

We were on a short vacation for 4 days and on the first night, he made this stupid joke. Let's just say he used the word "gay" as a synonym for "weak" and he only regretted that he said that in my presence (since I'm gay). Anyway, that started a whole conversation with him and the others on his side, while me trying to explain the whole expierence of living in a society that doesn't even try to understand the queer life expierence.

I've never really had a falling out like that about being queer. Mostly because I don't really talk about it to begin with or because I'm not out to everybody. But the fact that they all agreed with him on so many points really hit me in the heart.

The biggest issues were that they didn't see a problem with people using gay as an insult or that queer people face obstacles that society has brought up, because they simply don't care. They used the old "homosexuals can't procreate" as an excuse. That that fact would always be the priority and straight people would always be on top because of this.

"You can't change it, even if you wanted to." Was something they used for other social issues as well, but they meant stereotypes, generalising and so on (not the fact that two biological men or women can't procreate, I mean that's clear and wasn't the point).

Even when presented with the fact, that life isn't just about sex or procreation and that even if that was a priority, shouldn't be a reason to treat people differently, they didn't step down from that argument. They contradicted themselves the whole time and it drove me mad.

We talked like an hour about that topic and when I realised this conversation didn't go anywhere, I just stepped out and wanted to be alone.

The one guy who started all this with this stupid joke came to me shortly after. We talked again for at least half an hour. I told him the things that made me upset about all this, told him how his views (not just the joke) were harmful to hear and what it means to live in a world where I can't even tell some people who I really am.

I told him how things like representation in media are very important to me (since it came up before), how a lot of queer people use that to escape reality and why it's such a raging expierence to see huge media outlets use that knowledge and make shitty representation instead, which results in people like him seeing it as pushy and forced.

He told me that "he didn't know about all this before". About how "he appreciates me sharing this part of my life". But he still came up with excuses. With the same ones as before, to be precise.

I realised that it was useless. I'm not the one to just tell people to "educate themselves" or that "it's not my job to educate them", but after nearly two hours of explaining and trying to reason with him I just gave up.

I told him that I don't think he gets it, that I appreciate him listening at least and that I don't think this conversation leads anywhere except me getting more upset. But I made it clear, that I'm not okay with his behaviour.

The next few days were okay. I don't think the others got it either expect maybe one of them, who didn't really engage in the discussion and really just listened, but it reminded me that the world is an awful place with awful people and that we don't stand a chance.

I'm not one to deny science just for the sake of "being humane" when it comes to social justice. I also made it clear on multiple occasions that I'm not okay with a lot of opinions, even in the LGBT+ community. That I despise being radical in any way, polarising philosophies and that I don't think one has to check all boxes of a list to be called a feminist.

But this all didn't matter in the end. They still put me into a box and judge me for it. Even after telling them that their accusations weren't true, they still used them as arguments against me.

And I hate a world like this.

I hate our world.

And this makes me angry, sad and very very upset.

#growing up queer #lgbtq community

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stanzoeywade · 4 years

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Veronica x MC tinder!au

I headcanon Veronica to look like Barbara Lopez, and as you can see this headcanon was inspired by this tweet.

Summary: in which you are paired with Veronica for a project and she doesn't respond to your emails but you match with her on tinder. The both of you find each other attractive but you're both gay disasters. Also in this au the MC doesn't meet Poppy on her first day of school, so they don't know about the top 3 girls of Belvoire. (Where poppy is a switch (fite me), Veronica is a top.)

Warnings: swear words, and maybe toothache inducing fluff? Thigh riding smut.

Taglist: @somewillwin @belvoiresqueenbee @origmansello @clownery-is-a-new-personality @kamilahtrash @poppysminion @poppysimp @captain-hanadeleine @poppysmc @iiizdumb @uselesslesbianfr @scattered-to-the-winds @idiot-justidiot @toyhenoctus @coldbatfriendroad

So it begins in one of your compulsory classes, where you have to be partnered up for a big project, like 20-30% of your final grade.

Cue your professor paring you up with someone who you've never seen before in class, and you're confused because wtf??? Who is this Veronica Lombardi person??? And why is everyone staring at you with mixed reactions, some look jealous while some look like they feel bad for you.

After class, you make you way to your dorm room and you ask Zoey if she knows Veronica Lombardi and that's how you find out about the whole ranking system in Belvoire. You learn that Veronica is at the number 3 spot as one of the most popular girls on campus. You're not really interested because in all honesty it sounds too much like high school and you're already over it.

Considering that she was going to be your partner for the project, you decide to email her so that the both of you can divide the work equally, as well as ask if she has any days where she is free so that you can discuss the project in person.

It's been a week and you still don't have a response, and you're starting to think that you'll have to do the project alone. Hopefully your professor will take that into consideration once she marks you paper.

You try to start to work on the project but you're quick to realise that you're bored, so in your frustrated state, you open tinder hoping to find an outlet for your stress.

Imagine your surprise when you're matched with your project partner, who messages you. It reads "Sup babe, what are you doing tonight?"

You feel your blood pressure rise as you type angrily. "I'M DOING OUR JOINT PROJECT YOU BITCH!"

She replies with the emojis "😤😒" alongside a gif of someone saying "Rude".

You're about to lose it when another message catches your attention. "Are you from Sociology 101? I haven't attended any of the lectures, it's boring af. But you know what wouldn't be boring? We could hook up 😜" it reads.

"Un-fucking-believable" you mutter to yourself as you read the message. 'Who the hell does she think she is?' - you think to yourself, annoyed.

"Are you seriously flirting with me right now?" you text as you feel angrier each passing second.

The only response you get is a selfie of Veronica smiling cheekily at the camera, which is followed by a message saying "I promise I'd be more fun than sociology. 😉"

You barely resist the temptation of pulling your hair out and respond with "look, I get it you're rich, but just because you can get away with not doing the work, it doesn't mean that I can." Veronica looks at your response and can't help but feel a pang of guilt.

Feeling guilty, Veronica messages you. It says "look babe, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you, we can meet up and do the project together. And maybe when we finish we can do something more fun? 😜😉"

Letting out a resigned sigh you begrudgingly ask for her address and she's all too happy to respond. "I live on campus, I'm part of the Zetas so just walk over and I'll meet you outside."

Freshening up, you make yourself look presentable and you start to make your way to the sorority house. You're surprised to see someone waiting outside, and you assume the person to be Veronica.

As you get closer you're taken aback because of Veronica. There she was in all her glory. I mean you knew she looked attractive judging by the photo she sent you, but pictures can't exactly compare to seeing the real thing.

You can't help but think that Veronica is gorgeous, I mean with that face she could be a supermodel and ohh my god she has legs that go on for days.

Snapping out of your daze, you just see Veronica flashing you a charming smile.

You weren't the only one checking the other person out though, Veronica couldn't help but think that you were cute, especially in that crop top and varsity jacket. 'She's smart and easy on the eyes to boot, this will be fun.' - she thinks as she turns on the charm, ready to seduce.

You approach her, anger coming back as you poke your finger on her shoulder whilst saying "I'm so fucking mad at you, I could have finished the project already but your ass was MIA, so I couldn't start."

Veronica winces at each poke, irritated, she tugs on your wrist and pulls you close. "You could have looked for me personally you know." she says cockily.

Your anger dissipates a little because she had a point and with a resigned sigh you say "Fair enough, still doesn't make up for the fact that you didn't reply to my emails."

Veronica just rolls her eyes at you. "Well we could stand here and argue or we can go inside and actually work on the project." she says sarcastically.

As you make you way inside the sorority house, you can't help but feel amazed by the expensive furniture and decorations. It looked like a house fit for royalty and if you're being honest you're a bit jealous because they get to live in luxury.

You follow Veronica to her room and you're immediately surprised by what you see. Her room is big, however it is decorated modestly, and it's much simpler than what you imagined. The atmosphere feels a bit awkward and you make conversation by complimenting her room. "Your room seems really cozy."

Veronica looks at you, a soft smile graces her features and she says "Thanks." She puts a stray strand of her behind her ears and you can't help but admire her.

"If taking a picture of my room would've gotten you to come over, I would have done so already." she flirts.

You can't help giggle and you're relieved that the awkward atmosphere has been replaced with a comfortable silence.

Your giggle attracts Veronica's attention and her cheeks flush because who gave you the right to be so cute.

The two of you start to work on the project and you're pleasantly surprised to learn that Veronica understands the syllabus despite the fact that she hasn't attended any of the lectures. The two of you get a lot more work done than what you expected and before either of you realise, it's already dark outside.

You feel your eyes drooping as you try to stay awake, and you notice how dark it is and you're about to tell Veronica that you're about to leave when she says "It's already dark outside, you should probably stay it's not safe to be walking around in the middle of the night."

You mull it over and decide to stay. 'Fuck it, I'm too tired to walk back' - you think to yourself as you nod your head to Veronica.

Veronica walks over to her closet and pull out pyjamas, which she hand over to you as well as a spare toothbrush. "You should go and clean up, you can sleep on the bed." she says kindly. You raise an eyebrow at her. "This better not be a plan to get me to sleep with you Lombardi." you say jokingly. She just laughs at your joke and tells you to clean up, you're too tired to argue back so you concede.

Fast-forward to the next morning, you wake up in someone's arms and you snuggle closer until you realise. 'WTF, why am I being cuddled and where the fuck am I?' - you think to yourself slightly panicking. Your eyes open and you turn around to see that Veronica was asleep, you try to get out of her grip but she just pulls you closer whilst murmuring in her sleep.

You don't want to wake her up because she looks so comfortable and at ease and you know that you're stuck there until she wakes up.

Veronica wakes up and she feels something or someone in her arms, she then remembers that you slept over, not in the way she wanted but hey she's not complaining, especially since you were cutely staring at her with a confused expression.

Deciding to tease you, she plants a kiss on your lips and you freeze. A blush creeping on your face and Veronica was about to apologise for going too far when you cut her off by kissing her back. She could get used to this she thinks.

She pulls away and notices the blush on your cheeks. "I thought you didn't like me Hughes?" she says mischieviously, and you just look away.

Realising that her arms weren't around you anymore, you get up and Veronica whines at the lack of physical contact and warmth, you narrowly avoid being pulled back down onto the bed.

You just shoot her a soft smile and say "Thanks for letting me stay over, I'm gonna go get changed and leave, I'll see you later."

You quickly get changed and as you leave her room, you can feel your heart pounding in your chest because you can't stop thinking about the kiss you shared with Veronica. You continue to zone out for the rest of the day, wondering what it would be like to kiss her again.

The next time the two of you meet, Veronica is more straightforward when it comes to flirting, and you're always left a flustered and blushing mess. Veronica thinks you look so cute, especially since she's the reason why you're flustered. The two of you become friends and you exchange numbers because using tinder to communicate was getting annoying.

You're surprised when Veronica messages you with random memes at god awful hours and you can't even get mad because they make you laugh and it becomes something you look forward to each day.

That's when you start to develop feelings for Veronica, and you're not sure what to do because she's flirty with everyone and you're not sure if she likes you back.

Veronica invites you to a frat party, and as soon as you get there a few people introduce themselves to you. One of the frat boys tries to flirt with you and you're immediately pulled back by Veronica as she says "Fuck off Luis, she with me." Your eyes widen as you realise what Veronica said.

You don't have the chance to ask what she means as she drags you off to a room, where she immediately kisses you, hand finding it's way down to your hips and gripping it possessively. She continues to kiss you, each kiss deeper and rougher than the last. The barrage of kisses only stop due to both of you needing to breathe.

Your chest heaves as you feel Veronica lean in to whisper "You're mine, and I don't like it when people touch what's mine." You feel shivers down your back as she says that.

Veronica locks the door and she pulls you towards the bed where she sits and pull you in for another kiss. You're pulled onto her lap as her lips trail down your jaw to the base of your neck, alternating between biting and sucking to leave marks. You can feel a wave of arousal make it's way down to your core, and a small groans escapes your lips.

Spurred on by your reaction, Veronica starts to unbutton your shirt, quickly taking it off with deft hands. She starts to grope your breasts as she unhooks your bra with her other hand. Lips finding it's way to nipples, and you can't stop yourself from moaning when her teeth grazes against it.

Instinctively, your hips starts to jerk against her thigh and it quickly catches Veronica's attention as she looks at you with narrowed eyes and pupils blown.

She pulls your hips down flush against her thigh, and leaning in she whispers "Grind." and you're quick to obey her as she sucks and bites on your shoulder and collarbone, making sure to leave marks on each patch of skin she can reach.

You slowly start to grind against her, and in order to help you out, she starts to move her thigh against your centre, working you up faster and you let out long breathy moans and whimpers at the friction against your centre. Spurred on by your reaction, Veronica uses her fingers to touch and play with your clit, and this makes you moan out her name "V, that feels so good.", and she can't get enough.

She grinds her thigh faster and she starts to use her finger to help you climax. Your body starts to convulse and your back arches as you reach your climax. Veronica's fingers helping you ride out your orgasm. A loud moan escapes your mouth and for a moment your vision turns white, head empty except the pleasure you feel. Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath.

As soon as you regain your bearings, you can see the smug look Veronica has, and you do nothing but roll your eyes as you say "Yeah, yeah that felt really good, stop being so smug." Veronica's eyes just lights up as she raises her arms in mock surrender and says "Hey, you said it not me."

"So, I guess this means we're dating?" you ask shyly, as your cheeks flush. Veronica just kisses you softly and says "Yeah."

That's how the two of you start dating.

A/N: I saw that there was a lack of Veronica x MC content so yeah enjoy, and please reply if you want me to write a dating Veronica headcanon like I did for Poppy. Thanks for reading, bye.

#veronica lombardi #veronica x mc #poppy min sinclair #queen b #choices #choices stories you play #choices fic #mine #this is my take on a tinder au for veronica #enjoy y'all #chloe st. james #queen b veronica #queen b poppy

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bettinaerquieza · 3 years

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New Media, New Beauty Standards

"Beauty is an enhancement and not a replacement for who they really are on the inside. The key is being comfortable with YOU." - Ayesha Pough

As a child, I had never associated myself with any Disney princess. Instead, I would just wonder what it is like to be them. Upon growing up, I was judged on my capabilities solely based on my weight. I was convinced that I would never be called beautiful, because according to TV commercials and billboard ads, body hair, discoloration, and acne are unattractive. In generations, beauty is a slender build with a proportional amount of chest and a tight waist. Its skin tone is as bright and flawless as a white pearl. It also has a well-defined jawline, sharp and high cheekbones, a pointed nose, and a sensual full set of lips. Its eyes are large and bright like sparkling diamonds, and hair is as soft and shiny as newly woven silk. It has a greek god's face, symmetrical, and blemishes are nowhere to be found—indeed a magnificent work of art.

That's why seeing diversity nowadays in campaign ads and people advocating for body positivity—calling out whoever dares to label a fat person ugly or a skinny person anorexic, had given me so much joy and hope that society might be starting to change for the better. But until now, I still don't see something or someone I could relate to.

I understand that advertisements are made to attract the audience they are trying to reach. Though, as an aspiring media practitioner, I firmly believe that you can get through your target viewers without pinpointing people's insecurities or giving them an unattainable glamorized version of who they are or who they want to be. The impacts of how media portray a particular look can potentially affect so many people's way of seeing themselves whenever they look in the mirror. I also stand entirely behind the concept of improving yourself and aiming to be the person you want to be. However, you shouldn't lose yourself in the process by doing such. Your mental and physical well-being should never be jeopardized.

The rise of new media has enhanced communication among people through the utilization of technology. It is now integrated into our daily life because society depends so much on it for communication, such as contacting friends and family, staying up to date on the latest news and trends, and sharing memories, especially since the pandemic deprived us of meeting people in the flesh. Yet, while it advances, media has given us also the power to distort and reshape perspectives and realities—the complete opposite of its purpose. One of these is setting and presenting more beauty standards, impacting one's self-esteem, developing depression and anxiety due to body image dissatisfaction.

But now, as new media continuously develop, it includes individuals of different races, genders, ethnicities, and sexual orientations. Thereby focusing more on breaking stereotypes, also causing beauty to emerge and give us variation, making room for people of color, plus size, hairless, and people with gray hair and wrinkles. Gone are the days where we lack diversity. We are shifting towards a culture of being open and not only giving one representation of beauty.

Everyone is welcome. Every single one is beautiful.

But do we really believe that?

Everyone's concept and version of beauty can now be seen serving looks in New York Fashion Week, TV commercials, online posts, or on runways. Although, we cannot deny that media still gives us unrealistic beauty standards. In today's day and age, there is now an "appropriate-looking" plus-size body. Stretchmarks are now being glorified and considered attractive, but only when it's not dark and you have it on your thighs or butt and not on your stomach. All skin tones are now being recognized and appreciated, as long as they are glowy and flawless. Yes, we have evolved. However, our unattainable standards have, as well.

There are many outlets for beauty and fashion tips, yet these are not a guide to beauty. Instead, they are just another way to make many women and men feel as though they are worthless (Skolnick, 2020). The constant pressure to look sharp and perfect is still there, regardless of our body type and skin color. Social media often portrays augmented images and distorted truths, such that social platforms have become flooded with "ideal" qualities. No matter the platform, whether a social networking site like Instagram or a micro-blogging site like Twitter, people yearn to present their best self to the public (Washburn, 2018). With technology advancing by the minute and newer apps surfacing online, social media has an immediate effect on beauty. Due to the ever-changing body images depicted online, individuals are turning to social media handles for acceptance and support. (Henriques & Debasis, 2020)

That's why the evolution of beauty standards will never stop. If we keep on seeking validation and affirmation on social media, then solving this constant ongoing problem will never be achieved. Emphasizing that beauty is supposed to be subjective will never be firmly embedded into our hearts and minds.

Don't get me wrong, I, too, have allowed myself to be intoxicated by the poisonous notion that my beauty is based on the number of likes. I know getting compliments on your latest post can be so gratifying. Because all my life, I've always felt so out of place. Then whenever I get a notification that someone reacted to my photo, the sense of belongingness instantly sinks into my veins—I finally feel as though I am genuinely accepted by the world. But little did I know this was the one that would ruin me even more.

Beauty is subjective. As Margaret Wolfe Hungerford once said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," meaning we all have our own definition, concept, and image of what it is to be beautiful. No one can ever dictate who you want to be and how you want to present yourself. We have to stop expecting everyone to understand it; what matters is that you appreciate your beauty, truly embracing every inch of it.

Let us learn to grasp that no amount of likes or comments people leave on our social media accounts will ever be enough to define your worth as a person.

Beauty is like a self-portrait. It is personal—yours to create.

Let us make that the beauty standard.

References:

Gee, R. A. (2018, July 25). Beauty By Soul Definition. . .. Thrive Global. https://thriveglobal.com/stories/beauty-by-definition/

Givhan, R., & Morales, H. R. (2020, January 7). The idea of beauty is always shifting. Today, it’s more inclusive than ever. Magazine. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/article/beauty-today-celebrates-all-social-media-plays-a-role-feature

Henriques, M. (2020, September 21). Social Media and Its Effects on Beauty. IntechOpen. https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/73271

Mbabazi, B. D. (2019, October 31). Society and unrealistic beauty standards. The New Times | Rwanda. https://www.newtimes.co.rw/lifestyle/society-and-unrealistic-beauty-standards

Skolnick, S. (2021, June 12). Modern beauty standards and their effects on society. The Inkblot. https://theinkblotnews.com/10701/opinion/modern-beauty-standards-and-their-effects-on-society/

Washburn, A. (2018). Beauty Imbalance: Social Media's Dictation of Worth. Brigham Young University

#beauty #self love #beauty standards #diversity #new media

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gelatomesomeironqrow · 3 years

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So out of curiosity I took a look at the RWBY tag. It is so full of bees right now lol anyways. I saw a few posts that I agree and/or disagree on that I want to address.

One of them being how Blake is being portrayed as a damsel in distress and that her fighting style has not improved. To that I agree, she's the only one of the gang, when Ironwood let them all use Atlas technology to upgrade/fix/enhance their weapons, she was the only one who didn't change her weapon. She didn't add anything to it. She kept it the same. I think because she is no longer running. She doesn't know what fighting style she has or wants, therefore she kept it simple, she played it safe. She left her weapon as is. Heck, the only thing she really changed was her clothes and hair.

Moving on; I saw a post about Watts being Cinder's foil.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that one but it is interesting to note how easy it is for Watts to get under her skin, even back when Watts was introduced, he said one line to her and she reacted. All I can say about Watts telling Cinder what's what is that she really needed someone to speak to her and drop her some truths before she kept going on this destructive path for power.

Now... the other thing I looked up.... and it is such a topic that I almost want to keep it to myself since the fandom is really up in arms about it. Is James Ironwood.

Now. Before you all jump down my throat saying how wrong I am, how he deserves to die, blahdy blah blah. I am entitled to like who I like regardless of who they are or what they have done. This hold true for James Ironwood. I love this man. That will never change and I don't need people telling me that if I like him, I like fascism or whatever crap that is. I do not and will never like or support fascism. If we put aside politics for a second, we have to realize this is a cartoon. These characters, however dear they are to us, however they mean to us, are not real. You can like a character who is a villain, who does horrendous stuff (alot of you people like Cinder and she straight up murdered Pyrhha and left Vale in ruins), I first liked James back in V3 when he literally risked it all to bring his own army down. Yes I know, alot of the fandom are saying he shouldn't have brought the army in the first place. I agree, he shouldn't have, but he did, the enemy expected that and used that towards their advantage. Glynda even said everything James does is an act of military bravado. It's all James knows. He hides his fear and paranoia behind his military. He did that right up until he let that paranoia, fear, mistrust and PTSD consume him. I've read several posts saying that it wasn't his PTSD that led him to fascism and that everything he has ever done showed that he was going towards fascism. Which is false. Many people forget that he was the one that commissioned Yang's new arm, that he has done some good. I'm not denying or apologizing or whatever for James has done or what he will do in the future. I get what he is doing is wrong. I'm not stupid. I saw a couple posts saying that other RWBY characters have PTSD as well and that they didn't go dark side. Well, they had a better support system than James had. His support system was Glynda, Oz and Qrow. Glynda and Oz and heck even Qrow often shut James down and said that their ideas were better. They weren't a good support system but they were what James had. When the communications went off line he had nothing. He was stuck in Atlas where politics on a good day will drive you insane and a growing threat of Grimm and Salem and no support system because they aren't with him, caused him to throw himself into his work and that work is stressful. Stress, plus all the other mental problems he has and no outlet but the very thing causing him stress equals a recipe for disaster. Now for anyone saying why doesn't he just quit and let someone else do it. He doesn't trust many people. He only gave the group of teenagers in his office his trust and respect because Qrow, part of his support system, was with them. When they didn't extend the same respect towards him, when they went behind his back and reached out towards Robyn, they ruined his trust, causing his mistrust in people to continue to grow. Anyways, long story short, what happened in the last couple of episodes in regards to James. I know what he is doing is wrong. I see both sides. I still choose to like this character. I am not a fascist supporter. No I don't believe he wants Qrow specifically recaptured so he can be killed (yes that was a post I saw), yes, I can see a Qrow and James fight in the near future, no, I do not think Marrow is going to break away and bring Robyn and Qrow their weapons (I think that may be Winter since now James kind of put pressure on the Schnee family), I don't think Robyn is going to contribute much to this upcoming fight, because to be quite frank, she has really just done more harm than good (view the Qrow, Clover, Tyrian fight for example, Qrow was literally just going to allow Clover to arrest him so he can talk (and yes talk) to James but Robyn intervened). All in all. It's interesting to see how the fandom is easily divided. I stay out of the fandom for that reason but I just needed to write this lol

I am not sending any hate or shade towards these other posts, I get that we all have our own opinions and thoughts. These are just mine.

#Gelato blogs #MY thoughts and opinions #No James hate please #rwby #Interesting posts lately

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sugar-petals · 5 years

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Hey Caro! You total cutie🐬. You know, I'm almost 21 and I've never dated in my whole life. I wonder if it's strange. I've had crushes in those hormonal days of 7th and 8th grades but I never pursued those boys because the sobre part of my brain told me that it's not gonna last anyway because it was mostly physical attraction so no point in going for it. And after that phase I've never had any crushes (if you don't count the celebrity and fictional character ones). - hermit (part 1)

I feel like a hermit in a way. But I suppose the reason I don’t have crushes is because I really don’t wanna date yet ie my frontal lobe (thinking part) doesn’t believe it’s time yet. But, my amygdala wants affection because ‘wtf all your friends are dating or at least looking around you dumbass, why do you wanna be by yourself.’ Anyway, I don’t wanna date because I want to fix some negatives of mine like my temper, territorial nature, impatience before - hermit (part 2)

Before I can start handloha another person or maybe it’s just that my standards are unrealistically high. I don’t know which. I’m ranting because at times when frontal thinks there’s no danger, it’s lets amgdalaa speak a little and I end up feeling sorry for myself because I’m by myself. And then I think I should date for the heck of it because I mean so many people date with a less than satisfactory state of mind. I mean some are total pricks. Maybe I’m too much of a perfectionist - hermit (3)

Or maybe I care too much or maybe I just have this utopian idea of how relationships should be that doesn’t happen in real life. Whatever. All I know, frontal lobe’s dating ban isn’t going anytime soon. I ranted too much. I just wanted to talk to someone and you are a good person to talk too. Don’t worry, I don’t expect consolation. Talking about it felt good. Thanks striped kitty. Btw, cannot wait for cinder #waitingwithbatedbreath.-hermit(4)

In this day and age, the reverse would be strange. Dating has altered significantly and bizarrely worldwide, especially the demographic on this site walks a different path. Likely because we aren’t the straightest community in the first place and experience a life progress that is extremely delayed or compensated. In your case… add that you’re very smart. Careful intelligence that never stops reflecting or hesitating and visceral relationships don’t mix well. Oil and water. Especially when needing isolation comes in.

Dating is torture for smart people who might be better at spatial, logical, linguistic things rather than interpersonal skill which is a league of its own and requires hands-on bravery instead of detachment, tons of emotional efforts. Comparing oneself to what you see socially apt people achieve — at least on the surface — can make you feel lonely and like a misanthrope others can’t relate to. And it gets easy to look down on a person with a 9 to 5/marriage/kids mindset to keep that mentality away from you, Eleanor Roosevelt style, substitute ‘discuss’ using ‘deal with’:

I personally say 50-50, the world doesn’t run on ideas only, but you get the point. It’s easy to feel envy and want to be above all that. Worse if your environment pressures you into something you feel ambivalent about. I would be impatient and angry as well. Cuz they don’t understand what you mean and want you to live their style of life. Such coercion is misery.

Clever people see fewer points in lust or romance because they ask why and see shortcomings, not just opportunities or satisfactions. Because indeed they think in ideals and not actualities which is not a bad thing (otherwise humanity would not move on). In your case, often your own shortcomings are like a mirror, and in comes the protective mechanism that more impulsive people don’t bother with. Each relationship has partners with demons, question is whether they are aware of how they torment or burden each other, and if it can be dealt with. I think it’s admirable and a positive feat that you seize responsibility for all of your qualities and not just the exemplary ones, and don’t follow blindly what everyone says a standard happy life should be full knowing but ignoring the heavy dark side of drama, split-up/divorce, abuse, unhealthy circumstances & repercussions. If anything, you passed Caro’s masterclass with flying colors 😊 It’s a good thing that you reflect to me and don’t run into the dating field without thinking about dangers or what you bring to the table. And you don’t have to be ashamed about conflicting desires. Again, this is a sign of your intelligence.

Fictional characters are a distant, safe, and malleable type of outlet that you can create how you want it to be, full control, and it meets at least some needs without overwhelming you with how unpredictable crushing on someone is, and how much it shatters your standards. Said celebrity is far away or even closed into an imaginary space inside, no more hurting each other. What I think is: Modern life only gives us a promise of intimacy through relationships, that’s a giant barrier. We want it, but it never fulfills, and breaks your heart over and over. You find intimacy elsewhere, too, it’s not locked away to sex on a high pedestal, but culture wants it to be. Believe it or not… I deeply loathe this myself. It eliminates all potential of interaction we have. We’ll be in a double bind and still pressure each other into template lives that might not be good for everybody until we say fuck it.

#anon #ask #relationships #dating #advice #still working on cinder it'll be released this month however :'D #thanks for calling me striped that made me giggle

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ursbearhug · 2 years

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So meeting with my friends was nice. I'm not gonna lie, as much as I want to rewrite my cringe DNA and stop being social creature, opportunity to listen to someone or talk to someone (someone other than myself) else is very fucking nice. I need this kind outlet.

I do, however, have a few bones to pick - because of course I am.

So making a massive polycule is all fun and games until Matthew wants to join. Like, what did I ever do to them that would make them include some random hoe, but exclude me? I just don't get it.

And being affection and attention seeking whore that I am, I couldn't just ignore how jealous I am?

My old roommate and my life long friend live together. In search for roommates to reduce the cost of living, they look for random ass people. And back in February they found this guy and he and my ex-roommate just started sharing bed day one. Like, we will ignore my long dead crush, that's not relevant, but it upsets me. What am I doing that is excluding me from cutsy, frivolous and endearing shit, but is okay for a guy they met by freak accident. I can't get a hug without stares from him, but here you have a guy that will throw temper tantrum because he can't sleep with you?

I never got the meet his family either, in the two years we were living together, but she will get to call his mom per "aunty" and I'm just... What the fuck did I do?

Like, yeah I'm envious but at least I'm not acting out in petty ways I could have and! I'm being communicative. So this is some kind of King's decree of no touching at all, but targeted specifically at me. Okay. I'll just fuck of then. Screw me. "Hey can I join this fresh polycule" and there is just picture of me crossed out "begon thot".

On another note, because I thought it was funny af. I find it hilarious that when *I am* trying to date it's about lowering the bar, as if I had some insane expectations, but like... Why the fuck should I lower my standard to appease someone?? I get it that almost noone is aware of my dating experience, but what is up with that? Why am I supposed to scrape the bottom of the barrel? I don't know, I'm not going after your weird standards how is it that mine are constantly being questioned. Bitch, if you wanna date bloke, gym-dude, with chiselled face, strong jaw and abs and absolutely no hobbies or interests outside of dicking you down, then pop of king. Have fun and marry time, but like. No. Not my cup of tea. My current target of affection is giving me identity issues as it is, I will not go out of my way to hate myself even further. Self hatred never get me anywhere.

So my standars are too high, I can't sit with their polycule and I still can't get a text back. Wunderbar. I'd say that I want second semester to start so I can distract myself from this with copious amount of schoolwork, but I know it's not gonna happen. But there bout to be more subtle way to tell me to go fuck myself and I really want Fates to get off my ass.

#vent session #also I wanna clarify #I have nothing against Random Guy A #nor against my friends and their decisions #even though I'd vastly prefer if their hookups were safer #will probably delete in the morning

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leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst · 3 years

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ENGLISH TRANSLATION (Mandy Pitulle)

FM4 INTERVIEW with TOM NEUWIRTH

https://radiothek.orf.at/podcasts/fm4/fm4-interview-podcast/fm4-interview-mit-tom-neuwirth

Queer visibility also plays a role in the life of Tom Neuwirth, also known as Conchita Wurst. Seven years ago he won the Eurovision Song Contest. In an interview with FM4, he tells us like it is to grow up as a gay boy and experience pride for the first time.

. "Hello Tom, nice to have you here." "Yes, hello, I'm happy to be here." "It's June and that's a very special month for many people. It's Pride month and for queer people it's Pride all year. How are you feeling with that? How is June for you?"

Tom: "It's very special, it's been relatively commercialized in the last few years, which makes it special in another way. It's more visibility than it used to be. Pride has always been" The place to be ", especially when I was 16 / 17. Oh God, that I am now at an age to be able to say that. It was suddenly possible to visibly live out our sexuality, even if it was just being there, to hold hands and to have a save space and to know "Nothing will happen to you". It might sound strange, but being able to be an LGBTIQ person out on the streets was not easy back then and is still not always easy now.

FM4:" On 19th, it is the Rainbow Parade in Vienna. Do you have plans?"

Tom: " Not really concrete plans, but since the lockdown has fallen, we all feel the need to go out and celebrate. That is why the spirit to celebrate that I feel has not necessarily to do with June, but also with the current situation. I will of course be there. After 1 1/2 years where you couldn't see a lot of people and queer visibility has not taken place, I think it is important that we go out to the streets together and maybe come back to the origins of Prides . We noticed that the pandemic was not good when it comes to questioning ways of thinking, to stand up for more equality and that is why it is important to go out "as fabulous as we can".

FM4:"Do you still remember your first Pride and your first rainbow parade? How did you feel and how old were you?

Tom: "At my first Pride, I was with my best friend, Flo. We were 14/15 and told everyone we were in Graz, but secretly drove to Vienna. We then went to trendy scene bars and the rainbow parade and it was the amazing feeling of not having to hide, to not have to expect people to talk bad to me or look at me for walking in the street with my boyfriend. It was an extreme feeling of freedom. It still is a little, I have to say. I always dismissed it when you kiss in public and then get harsh comments. “I couldn't care less.” ...But then you ask yourself “Does that have to be?” “Why do you have to put people in a situation that is uncomfortable in some way. "So this year I am a little more aware of why it is important to have a rainbow parade. The first memories ... it was just Heaven ..You danced, met new people every minute and made out on the dance floor. It was "everything you can ask for".

FM4: "Do you know how old you were?"

Tom:" At my first Pride kiss? 15....*mumbles*...14/15"

FM4: "Nice. You have certainly been to many Pride events. Have you ever been to Prides outside Austria in June?"

Tom: "If you're known in the queer community, people like to book you for Prides. That's how it was for me and it has increased exponentially since the Eurovision Song Contest. One of the most impressive Prides was Amsterdam when I was there for the first time. I didn't know it from Austria when you turn on the TV and the country's TV stations are flagged with rainbow flags and Pride is advertised in the mainstream. Then the canals and streets were full. The whole city celebrated this part of society. The kids were all painted with rainbow flags and these floats that drove through on the canals. It was extremely impressive. And I didn't know that from Austria. With the Europride, that changed. That was extremely cool. You really had the feeling that the whole city celebrated with us. I also think that Vienna has the potential to become a queer Hotspot. Barcelona and everywhere else too, but Vienna has such charm and courage. Vienna is so uncompromising. I love that. Uncompromising in any way and especially with this topic. I think that's cool. I would like it to get bigger in the next few years. It's Pride month and we have so much to offer. From queer history in all museums to theaters and clubs. Lectures, artists ... we talked about queer footballers today ... This city has so much potential.

FM4: You already gave the cue. Queer Visibility. Where does it start and where does it end?

Tom: "That has to be viewed individually. I think, a drag queen, for example, that is activism as soon as she steps out of the dressingroom. For me it is ... well I don't know. I've spent a lot of my life, pushing myself into the hetero norm and I don't do that anymore. So not at all anymore. I'm hysterical and loud and scream and laugh and talk to everyone and wear what I like. I've come to a point where I'm no longer afraid because you think “it has to be like that.” And that's where it starts with me. Everyone should start with themselves. Sometimes I find it difficult because I don't want to ask anybody, “Now be extra bad”. Everyone should be what he or she is. I express myself a lot ... Now I want to say, through my clothes, but that's not true. I'm just uncompromising and try to break the boundaries again and again and make people think. Yesterday we were on the Donaustrand and did a photo shoot wearing black lace underwear. The people who watched, the reactions differed. But they'd go home and say, "Well, I've seen something today ..." And they'd talk about it, it's the first step in a conversation.

FM4:"This month is Pride month. Do you remember the first time you were proud of yourself? That you "owned your space"

Tom: "I think that was already at the first Pride events. Although I still have it. Pride means to me .. that's a power. When many people work together towards one goal. Or something in common ... It has so much power. You are not alone as an individual, you are among so many like-minded people where you have the feeling "I breathe". The visibility. That makes us strong against everything queer people struggle with."

FM4: "You already talked about Vienna. You have been living in Vienna for a long time. But you grew up somewhere else, in Bad Mitterndorf. I checked, it has about 5000 residents."

Tom: "They have grown."

FM4: "How was it for you to grow up as a queer person in the country?"

Tom: "It was a bit ambivalent, I never really held back in my being. I often heard from my mother" You can't wear that now. You can't wear a dirndl or a first communion dress, none of that works. "But I'd always found my ways to portray myself and just did what I felt". On one hand, I totally demanded it, but on on the other hand, it was bad for me to get the attention because it wasn't positive. My parents run an Restaurant and they were a bit dependent on the opinions of their guests. They don't think like that anymore. I am happy about that. To do everything right for everyone is simply not possible. It was this duality of "I am there" and "It hurts" when you are insulted, laughed at. And so many queer people feel like that. And you ask yourself "Why?" For example, if it's a child and the adults react like that. You think "Get yourself together."

FM4: "You said there were painful things. What helped you?"

Tom: "Definitely my friends, but I also loved to go to the attic. I never wanted to work, there were too many people and too close for me ... I told my mother." I'll sew every button on you, but please don't let me work in service." And then I fled to the attic and did everything there. Drew, sewed, danced, sang. I sang out loud because nobody heard it. My Idol: Celine Dion ... high and loud. Of course I had to train that first. Yes, me and my friends. It was always my safe place. It is still like that today.

FM4: "That is also very important to have."

Tom: "I'm also very grateful that I can feel myself and enjoy myself ... not in all situations ... that I can love myself. And I have fun with myself.

FM4: Many queer people have queer role models. That help even in difficult times. Did you have someone there too?

Tom: "The first time to hear" I will always love you "was eye-opening. And the first time to hear" My heart will go on ", I think it was my" queer wakening "and comforting. Power balades, the 90s. .. then I could shout it out. That's why maybe I can let myself go so well when I sing emotionally. Because that was always my outlet and still is today. If I don't sing for a long time, it's still like that today. ..I'm in a bad mood and singing, the bad mood is gone. Singing does something to us ... it's like jumping. You have to grin and get in a good mood.

FM4: When we talk about Conchita Wurst, we also talk about identities and breaking the binary system, which has stood in our way for billions of years. You also show that identities can be fluid and can change and can be many things. Can you still remember when you let Conchita "wake up"? And maybe also when you first appeared as Conchita?

Tom: "The first time was ... now I forgot the club, but it was with the Saloon Kitty Revue. Kitty Willenbruch is one of the most famous burlesque dancers in Austria and I was out in drag once and moderated something. She was in the audience and then asked me whether I would like to present the revue. At that time it was every week, I think, and I said “Yes, I would love to.” And then thought to myself that I shouldn't shave. I look like 12 without beard. I let my beard grow and then the day of the revue came. I love to entertain the audience. I think that's my greatest talent. To be able to let go on stage. First was Starmania, then I finished school, and it was basically my first show business experience again. That's when I noticed. Despite all the worry about whether you can make a living from it, I want to go this way.

FM4: "When you think about your queer future, where are you going? What should change?"

Tom: "It would be nice if at some point no one asks the question," Are you into boys? "Because I think, or in my circle of friends, we sometimes also discuss that. We are just gay and that is totally one-sided and totally restricts you. What if I miss the love of my life, which is a woman. It would be nice if the understanding of the world goes so far that it just doesn't matter. Then we would all be Queer, which we all actually are.

FM4: "A good final word. Thanks Tom."

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