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buckyownsmylife · 2 years

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I posted 5,317 times in 2021

1763 posts created (33%)

3554 posts reblogged (67%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.0 posts.

I added 3,235 tags in 2021

#eyre talks - 740 posts

#smut - 696 posts

#bucky barnes - 341 posts

#comment reblog - 278 posts

#eyre reads - 271 posts

#fave people - 197 posts

#updates - 187 posts

#tumblr family - 176 posts

#bucky barnes smut - 176 posts

#steve rogers - 173 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#my cousin whisperlullaby would be more than happy to welcome your messages if you want to continue sharing the love with someone else

My Top Posts in 2021

daddy issues - ransom drysdale smut series masterlist

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

STATUS: COMPLETED

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

Part X

Part XI

Part XII

Part XIII

Part XIV

Part XV

Part XVI

Part XVII

Epilogue

~ drabbles ~

Warnings: pregnancy, smut, terrible family, family fights, self-doubt and inner struggles

A/N: another series that I’m still currently writing. I just really wanted to get some feedback so I can continue to be motivated to write this story, because I’m so excited about it, but writing can become such a lonely job most of the time. Hope you guys like it!

1306 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 00:16:56 GMT

If ur accepting could u write something soft about reader and Cris decor shopping and they find the kid sections and there just like 🥺😩coz both want kids

I thought about this long and hard and I can't stop imagining Chris and reader being best friends who have a baby shower to attend and going into a specialized shop sends them both into a baby fever

"Oh my God," you whisper, holding the tiniest little sock in your hand.

"Chris, look at this!"

And so he did

He didn't want to

He knew the second he focused his eyes on you in this environment

This store filled with babies and everything baby-related

He'd lose the last thread of control he was tightly holding onto, trying to salvage your friendship

Because Lord, did he want to be more than friends

"How can something be this freaking cute?" You asked, showing him the familiar pattern of the shield he held for years in his role as Captain America

And he didn't know if you were referring to the clothing item in your hand or yourself

But it was a close tie in his mind

He swallowed around a dry throat, trying not to focus too much on how badly he wanted to live this experience with you, the same one that had prompted your trip to the store

He hated how his cock hardened at something that was supposed to be innocent and sweet

But you were innocent and sweet and that's why he was sure you'd make the perfect mother

"Chris!" You clasped his wrist, stopping his exploration of onesies, trying to look for the perfect one to give as a gift to your pregnant friend in common

You were staring at a little girl, held by her mother, and she stared at you just as much

She was wearing a kid's costume of your character, and your heart melted at the sight

Chris groaned, not believing what was happening

"Would you take a picture with her?" The mother asked, and you immediately reached out to hold the kid

Chris thought he was going to die, hearing you speak childlike to the baby in your arms, rubbing your nose against hers, and making her giggle

He almost asked the mother for a copy of the photo but held back at the last second

"C'mon, we're gonna be late," he dragged you towards the counter, desperate to get out of the store

You were confused but followed along

You had a party to attend, after all, and you were eager to find out the sex of the baby at the big reveal your friend had planned

Chris was distracted throughout the party

He couldn't tear his eyes away from you

Imagining you with a round belly

You being the one about to welcome a kid into this world

And he realized he couldn't hold back his feelings any longer

Couldn't allow you to go ahead and live out his biggest dreams with some other man

So that evening, when he drove you home, he decided he was going to confess

But you interrupted his plans with a confession of your own

"I really want kids," you sighed, rolling your head to the side to look at him

"If we're both still single in five years, would you have one with me?"

He stopped breathing, unsure of what to say because five years seemed too far away

"I'd have one with you right now," he admitted, to which you giggled, thinking he was joking

"I don't think we're ready for a step that big in the middle of the biggest movie contract we've ever done, dummy."

Silence took over the car as you both thought over what you were discussing

"I mean... We might not be ready for a baby right now, but we sure as hell can practice for it."

You frowned, not understanding what he was implying.

"You wanna babysit?" You assumed, and it was only then that he turned to look you in the eyes.

"I wanna fuck you raw."

1390 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 00:22:13 GMT

Finding You - An A/B/O smut series masterlist

The one where you become a pack’s omega

When you end up being transformed into an omega without any understanding of what it entails, five Alphas find themselves responsible for your well-being. Guess it’s only expected you’d take care of them too, huh?

General warnings: smut, minor angst, multiple sex partners, brothers all having sex with the same person at the same time but no actual sexual relations between them, so I guess no incest?

Status: in progress

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X

XI - XII - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI - XVII - XVIII - XIX - XX

XXI - XXII - XXIII - XXIV - XXV - XXVI - XXVII - XXVIII - XXIX - XXX

XXXI

A/N: I don’t do taglists so either bookmark this post or follow @buckyownsmylifefics and turn on notifications to know when a new chapter is posted.

This series is intended as a compilation of one-shots, which means that although I’ve written them in a specific order so they have more or less of an arc, it can be read out of order and you can skip whichever chapter you don’t want to read. That being said, I’ll add what are the specific kinks in each chapter so you can skip them if it’s something you’re not that into!

I’m adding a more detailed list of kinks under the keep reading so those who want to be surprised don’t need to be spoiled, but if you have any major triggers please give it a read, as your media consumption is your own responsibility.

Specific warnings: gangbang, poly!relationship, a/b/o dynamics, reverse harem?, shared omega, outdoor sex, size kink, knotting, housewife kink, innocence kink, sound kink, rimming, anal play, anal sex, triple penetration, free use, voyeurism, hate fucking, exhibitionism, orgy, uniform kink, primal play, humiliation kink, degradation kink, spanking, dacryphilia, praise kink, scenting, possessiveness, ruts, begging, edging, somnophilia, sensory deprivation, asphyxiation, hair-pulling, throatfucking, spitting kink, biting kink, deprivation, denial, toys, overstimulation, choking, breeding kink, cumplay, cum marking, creampie, unprotected sex, heats, nesting, lactation play.

1411 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 21:59:01 GMT

Worst Behavior - Chris Evans smut

The one where it was supposed to be a sex scene, but Chris fucked you for real - and he didn’t care that your boyfriend was watching

Warnings: infidelity (reader cheats on oc boyfriend with Chris), smut, exhibitionism, public sex, dirty talk, angst.

Word count: 1.7K

A/N: thank you to my ride or die, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog for looking this over and giving me her thoughts about it. Writing is such a better process with you to scream about it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

I was seething when I burst through her trailer’s door, so out of my mind that the sight of her raising a hand over her heart, clearly startled, didn’t make me feel even remotely guilty.

“So this is it, huh? We’re gonna film this one last scene, and then you’ll be back by his side, like you and I were nothing, like I never even mean anything to you.” Somewhere inside my troubled mind, a tiny, still emotionally sober part of me saw her wiping a stray tear after it immediately fell from her eye, clearly not wanting to show this sign of weakness in front of me.

But again, I was too out of it to care. I wanted her to hurt, I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling, after all she put me through. How could she expect me to leave this set like I was the same man that met her? She had fundamentally changed me, by showing me how to love and be loved, how it was possible to find in a single person the answer to all of my needs and desires for my future.

I couldn’t just go on pretending I didn’t know what I knew now. But that’s what she intended to do. She wanted to leave and keep living in the pretense that nothing had changed, that she was still in love with the man waiting for her on set.

I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. I knew it because there was no way my feelings were one-sided, no way everything we had gone through had only mattered that much to me. I knew her, probably better than I knew myself. And I knew this was all just fear and anxiety, clouding her mind and stopping her from going after what she truly wanted.

Unfortunately, the only way I could process these emotions at the moment was through anger.

“Is that how you see me?” Her sweet voice surprised me, I didn’t expect her to actually respond to my hurt-filled accusations. “Do you think I’m that cruel, that I would just be able to… to leave and forget you like this?”

I huffed, too inside my own mind to relent now. Yes, this is how I saw her, at least at that moment. She was the cause of my hurt, because she was the object of my desires.

“You’re doing this out of your own free will,” I reminded her. “Don’t try to pretend you’re just some innocent little victim in all of this. You have our fate in your hands, and you’re deciding to let it all go to waste.”

At the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, my decision to leave was made even before she ordered me out of her trailer. I couldn’t stand to see her cry, couldn’t deal with the knowledge that I was the cause for it.

So, once again, I turned that distress into anger.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The air was chilly on set, and the fact that I was practically naked under the robe didn’t help. Neither did the tension between Chris and I. I wanted to make things right, I wanted to reach over and run my hands over his shoulders, relax the muscles I’d come to know so well. But I couldn’t do that right now. Not with my boyfriend watching us.

So I resigned myself to fiddling with my fingers as we waited for the set to be ready. Since it was one of those artistic sex shots, it would be filmed from a distance and there wouldn’t be any lines or sounds that we had to make, just movements to simulate. Which meant that the few people that were allowed to stay on the set had to watch the whole thing unfold from afar, and we would be free to fake having sex while they filmed us.

I don’t think I realized this could very well be the last time I had Chris this close to me until I had his mouth on mine again. I could still feel the emotions from earlier that day right beneath the surface, boiling his blood as he buried his hand on my hair and devoured my lips like he’d done so many times before.

Good thing the scene called for desperation.

I kissed him back just as desperately, wanting to enjoy every second of this experience, even if it wasn’t exactly what I desired at that time. Chris always kissed me so well, guiding me to where he wanted, and in no time at all he had me sprawled on the bed, underneath his larger body. I couldn’t help but to moan lowly when his lips attached themselves to my jaw, and I felt his smirk against my skin.

I couldn’t blame him. The effect he had on me was incomparable. He had every right to be smug about the sounds he could pull from me, Lord knows I’d cried out his name enough times to permanently puncture my own ear drums.

And still, it didn’t seem like it would be enough. The more he touched me - even if it was under a blanket, for a scene - the clearer it became that it could never be enough. I still wanted him. I wanted him forever, in fact.

But just as the realization occurred to me, his thumb slipped over my covered clit, pressing on the little nub and making me jerk away in surprise. “Shhh…” He directed, making sure to cover my face with his bicep so the camera wouldn’t catch my shock. “Just relax so it doesn’t hurt.”

I didn’t understand what he meant until I felt him pulling the flimsy excuse of underwear aside. That’s when my cunt pulsed, just before he positioned his cock and easily slid right into my wetness.

The feeling of his thickness was too much, especially when I wasn’t expecting it. My mouth fell open in a silent gasp, and he moved his arm so the camera could see it, but also turned his head to the other side so they wouldn’t notice his lips moving as he murmured to me, “Careful, sweetheart. Can’t make any real sounds. Not like the ones I usually pull from you. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to realize that we’re actually doing it, huh?”

Chris’ P.O.V.

My desire for her ran so deep, I could hear my blood pumping in my veins as I fucked her right in front of her boyfriend. Right in front of everyone from the filming crew, for the camera to see.

I took sick pleasure in knowing this moment would be eternalized for history. Everyone would see just how pretty she looks for me and only for me, and no one would ever know the truth.

No one would ever know the truth. That I had her, that she was mine, but only for a bit. That I got to hold her, and have her screaming my name, but I’d never get to hear it again. I’d never get to have her again.

I didn’t want to have to pretend that I forgot it. Like I didn’t know this other side of her, that we never shared these sexual experiences that felt much more intimate than anything I’d ever shared with anyone else before.

It was hard to pretend that I didn’t care underneath the mask of a character that cared too much, because I was that character. I loved this woman just like he did, and I wanted to show her just how much.

I’d looked for her in everyone I’d met before. Slept with so many women, went out on so many dates, and now here she was, clenching around my cock, reaching for my hand and still, she wasn’t mine.

How can you keep looking for the love of your life if you’ve already met them?

And even if there was emotion - and there was so much emotion, ours or of our characters, it didn’t matter anymore - this felt so dirty, dirtier than anything else we’d ever done before.

I’d had her in so many ways, and still, having her now, right in front of him, brought new feelings I never expected to feel. And I couldn’t suffer through them alone. I needed to make sure she’d acknowledged it too.

“He has no idea, you know,” I whispered, low enough so the only person who could hear was her. Her eyes met mine in surprise, but she kept in character, while I took advantage of my position to taunt her more. “No one has. No one knows you only look like this when you have my dick inside of you.”

A moan broke free from her, making me smile inwardly even though I couldn’t smirk like I wanted to. I let go of one of her hands to push a few strands of hair away from her face, so both the camera and I could get a good vision of her expression.

“You’re such a good girl for me, honey. He could never get you like this. Only I can do that.” The way she clawed at my back made it obvious that I was right. And still, the reality of our situation didn’t allow for me to feel any sort of pride in that.

I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to cum and have to pull out of her, let her go back to him and their life as I was left by myself. “I can’t let you go,” I admitted, and her eyes opened up to meet mine, a slight sparkle of understanding in them. “Not like this,” I continued. “Not ever.”

And still, my hips picked up the pace and brought us to that old familiar high, right when I came to terms with the fact that I’d have to leave her. “Baby,” I whispered, this time knowing the microphone would pick it up.

Our eyes connected once more, but this time, there was mostly pain, from my gaze and from hers. I stood there for as long as I could, thumbs brushing over her cheekbones, until the director’s voice freed us from the scene, and then I was forced to leave.

Before I did though, I had one last thing to say.

“I don’t want to have to miss you.”

One thing was certain. It would be impossible to remain professional during the press conference.

1633 notes • Posted 2021-03-04 09:55:14 GMT

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever! this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it, starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

1953 notes • Posted 2021-04-22 17:48:59 GMT

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sunnysunoo · 3 years

Text

Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.

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purplellamanator · 3 years

Text

Sorry for the delay! This is the first part of my contribution for @shinranweek The above link is to read the story on AO3 or if you prefer to read off of fanfic, just click here! Of course since this is a tumblr event, the chapter will be posted below the cut. I originally wanted this posted for day 1 for first meetings but unfortunately life got in the way. Just a little insight though, this is heavily inspired by movie 20 The Darkest Nightmare. This is not completed though and I'll post the next part later. Sorry if it seems rushed and thanks to @shinranweek for hosting the event! Loved all the shinran content this week!

Amnesia Part I

Her head. . . . It was pounding so hard she thought it'd implode in on itself.

She clutched at the source with one hand and continued walking forward blindly. Everything she did was blindly. Where she was going, where she came from, why her head hurt. . . who she was; it was all lost to her. And she kept moving forward.

Where was she anyways? Glancing around cautiously, her hand still pressed to her head and now as a slight shield from the blistering sun, she tried to discern her surroundings. It was hard though. Her head was pounding and she could barely think. There was so much noise going on around her to add to that and- she was going to pass out.

Eyes landing on a bench, the woman stumbled hurriedly to the wooden chair before collapsing on it. She felt slightly better now that she was off her feet but not by much. It did allow her to actually see through the fog that was clouding her already injured mind and she lost the need to hold herself together.

Laughing and talking; there was a lot of that. There were families milling about, smiling and chattering excitedly. Obviously she was in a family park of sorts . . . but what had brought her here? Was she here with her family? If so, where were they?

Eyes moving around slowly before seeing a massive ferris wheel in the distance, she felt a semblance of knowledge itch at the corners of her mind. Something was familiar. . Something was familiar about that wheel. .

Had that been why-?

She jerked suddenly when she realized she wasn't sitting alone anymore. Looking beside her, it was a man, not that old at all and maybe in his younger twenties. The surprise wasn't what made her jump though. He was- had he been smelling her?

Even after she jumped away and stared at him as if he lost his mind, the man continued to sniff at her as if he were some sort of dog.

Finally, she cleared her throat. "Um . . . " She wanted to cringe at how awkward the one sound had been. What do you say when one human being sniffs . . another. . ?

And if possible, the man leaned back against the bench completely nonchalant. As if he hadn't just been smelling her . . .

"Gasoline."

His voice had come so abruptly and her eyes blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Gasoline," the man repeated, a satisfied look in his blue eyes. "You smell very strongly of it."

Did she really? The woman raised her arm to her face and sniffed, brows furrowing when she discovered that he was right. The odd stranger was correct and she did smell very strongly of gasoline.

"Are you okay?" He asks when she was still trying to figure why she would smelled like she took a bath in a gas station.

Her eyes flit to his. "I- I think so."

The stranger's brows lifted curiously. She didn't blame him for looking so confused. How could she not know if she were alright? He didn't question her response though and instead said, "You don't look okay. You look and smell like you've been in an explosion." She was sure that was meant to sound like a joke but the possibility that that very well could be true reflected in his gaze; a hint of seriousness.

But for the first time, and only because this stranger pointed it out to her, she was actually taking in her appearance. Clothes disheveled and dirtied, hair tangled and a welt on her head; safe to say she looked and felt like she'd been through an explosion or two.

"Forgive me for cornering you like this but you appeared distressed," he apologized but somehow he didn't sound very sorry at all. "I just saw you stumbling around in those heels and I thought you'd pass out until you collapsed on this bench. Were you coming from work?"

"Work?" The woman mumbled to herself and again took notice of the gray pencil skirt and the white button-up blouse she wore. Where did she work? Did she even work? She could feel the headache coming back again. Or maybe it had never gone away and she had been able to forget about it momentarily. "I don't know," she finally said in a slow realization and his eyes widened even more.

"Do you know your name?"

Do you know your name?

The voice that resounded after his wasn't hers and she heard it only in her mind. A memory- but from what she didn't know. She had been asked that before but she couldn't remember when or why. For some reason, it made her head throb from trying to remember. "My name. . . ?" She was staring hard at the concrete before her on the ground as she continuously ran that question through her head.

"Can you remember?"

She could hear him right beside her- practically feel him leaning towards her when she didn't respond right away. But for some reason it felt like he was muffled and suddenly the man was miles away and she was stuck in her head. "What's my name. .?" So many thoughts rushed at her in that moment and she raised a hand to her welt to try to soothe the pain radiating from it. But it wasn't soothing it; it wasn't making it better and soon both hands were clutching her head as she attempted to recall something that should've been so simple. "My name?" she repeated again and now her breaths were coming out panicked.

Why couldn't she remember her name? It was hers and she couldn't say it?

"Hey!" She could barely feel a firm hand splay across her back as if to comfort her. "Breathe. I'll call an ambulance and we'll-"

"No!" She jerked away from him roughly and attempted to come to a stand. Her legs wobbled and she could barely make a decision between holding her head together or balancing on her own two feet. Something about his statement had her body reacting automatically though and she just knew she couldn't go to a hospital. Why? She didn't understand that yet but her instincts were telling her no and as of now, her instincts were all she had.

The man rose too and moved slowly towards her as if approaching a scared animal. "We'll get you help. We'll find where you came from," he tried again and went to help her stand.

Where I came from. . to take me back. . . ? Back to-

Nails digging into her head as the pain became intense, she stumbled away each time he moved closer. "No," she shook her head and it became apparent to her that tears were streaming down her cheeks from the pain. "I- I can't-!"

Couldn't what? Go to the hospital? Go back to some unknown place that her body was rejecting? It was all too much.

And suddenly startling them both and everybody in the vicinity, she began screaming from the pain as something tried to force its way to the forefront of her mind. It couldn't though and it was just so much pain and she couldn't stop yelling and before she knew it she was falling and falling.

Heavy lids blinking open a few times to adjust to the brightness, she felt weird. Her head was sore but that was a given. But she didn't feel herself as if she were a mind in someone else's body. That's what she really was in that moment considering she couldn't recall something so simple as her own name.

Her mouth felt dry and her eyes tight as she took in her surroundings. She was in a bed- a hospital room and hooked up to some IV that was probably full of saline. Something else she became apparent to was the fact she was all alone. No one else was in the room with her.

So why was the first thought to strike her was to sneak out that far window? It was like an unconscious reaction that she shouldn't be there in that room; that she had somewhere else she needed to be and that she knew deep down she was never to be in a hospital.

But why?

Thankfully, the woman didn't get the chance to act out her idea because in the next second the door was creaking open slowly and a head was peeking in. It was the stranger- the man from before. And when he saw that she was awake and sitting up in her bed, a grin cracked across his face.

"I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"

Honestly, she felt terrible. "Better," she said instead. At least she could actually remember what happened before she landed herself here.

"Remember anything?"

She gave him a curious glance. "I remember my head hurting and passing out while we were talking." That was it and he understood fully what she meant. She still couldn't remember her name or anything else before they met.

He must've saw the way her eyes slowly slid around the room uneasily. "I took you to a friend. We're not in a hospital."

Those words really did bring a certain amount of relief for her. Though she still had this mild feeling of wanting to jump out the window, it felt like a weight had lifted off her.

Stepping further into the room, he took the seat beside her bed and she wondered if he had really been here the entire time waiting for her to wake up. "We'll figure it out soon enough. A detective is waiting to speak with you when you're ready."

Detective? Her insides clenched and that again was another red flag. She didn't want to speak with a detective. Swallowing away her body's natural panic, she attempted to pay it off. "Y-you called the police?" She wasn't fooling this man though and she briefly wondered how he could read her emotions so easily.

"Let's just say they're my friends as well," he gave a small but relaxed grin.

Other than for the heaviness of her head, she really felt better now. If he was telling the truth then he had saved her from having to worry about any legal consequences or actions. "Who are you?" He hadn't told her after all. He had been too busy . . smelling her and asking for her name. But he had helped her as well it would seem. Such an unusual person. . .

His blue eyes widened as if he just realized he never told her that. It seemed unlike him but his cheeks actually tinted a slight pink. "I can't believe I didn't even tell you my name," he scratched the back of his brown hair awkwardly and she could hear the unspoken apology in his tone. "I'm Kudou Shinichi." He said it so proudly and matter of fact that the woman was taking back her earlier accusation. He wasn't awkward because he had forgot to mention his name. He was just used to people already knowing it and since she didn't she hoped that didn't take him down a notch. After all, she couldn't even recall her own so why would she remember his?

Kudou Shinichi.

But then again, maybe she did. There was some sort of recognition that came with the name.

Again, that awakened a voice within her but this time she didn't push the fact. Last time she had given herself a migraine and she thought her brain would explode.

"Thank you then, Kudou-san," she said sincerely. "I'm sorry for any trouble this has caused you."

"Not at all," he waved her off. "I'm a de-."

A firm knock resounded around the room before the door creaked open slightly again. Only this time it was someone the woman did not recognize. Based off their clothes though, she was able to determine it was one of her nurses.

She was proven correct when the woman clad in her scrubs turned to another and said, "She's awake but the doctor doesn't want you questioning her long. We're still examining the severity of her brain damage and she doesn't need any stress." And then the door was held open farther so a couple could enter; one man and one woman.

She determined these were the detectives Kudou-san had warned her about. Instantly, she was on guard but she couldn't tell what was to blame. Her body seemed to do it unconsciously and she knew she couldn't speak freely with them. Why would it matter though? She couldn't remember anything not to speak freely with them. And Kudou-san had also said that they were there as his 'friends'.

As they stepped closer and she tensed even more, Kudou-san stood up in what seemed respect to greet the other two. Soon he was moving aside granting them full access to her bedside and she felt her chest cinch up nervously.

Her gaze instantly appraised the woman. She held a certain air of authority that demanded it. She seemed to be in her thirties maybe, the injured girl couldn't tell. But through her stern features she seemed kind enough so far. The man appeared much more at ease than her. She didn't want to mistake it for timidness but she could tell who was the boss in this partnership. Or better yet, who bad cop good cop was.

The woman was the first one to address her proving her theory even more. "I'm Detective Sato and this is my partner Detective Takagi." She paused to give her a chance to speak but all she could do was nod her head respectfully. It wasn't like she could respond with her own name.

"Kudou-kun suspects you've been in an accident of some kind. Not only would we like to find and hold whoever is accountable, our goal is also to identify whom you are."

"I don't think I'll be much help," she admitted apologetically. "I don't remember anything before meeting this stranger." Her eyes flit to the brown haired man that stood to the side.

The woman nodded her head as if she already knew this. "After what Kudou-kun described earlier today and what the doctor explained, I don't expect you to remember anything. So I'll ask you a few basic questions and if you can't answer them, that's okay."

She wasn't too sure that was a good idea. After the pain from last time. . .

The two detectives must've noticed the uneasiness on her features and Detective Takagi actually spoke up. "We don't want to further your condition. Don't push yourself."

Detective Sato nodded before clearing her throat. "It is to my understanding that you don't remember your name so I won't bother asking you about that. Instead, I'd like to know the first thing you do remember."

She swallowed uneasily as she watched the detectives before her. The woman couldn't really understand why but their presence bothered her a great deal. To forget about that, she tried focusing on the question. The very first thing she could remember . . .

"I-I was in an alleyway," she revealed. "My head hurt badly and I didn't know what was going. I could barely stand."

"Can you recall where this alleyway was?"

She shook her head slowly. "I hadn't stuck around for long." Her tone seemed curious about her actions; or maybe perturbed as to why she hadn't. It was something deep down inside of her that told her she had to keep moving.

"Why did you go to that park specifically? Why not the police?"

The ferris wheel.

The answer surfaced swiftly and assuredly through her thoughts. She didn't know why she went there just for the ferris wheel but the fact she knew even that much was something. Yet. . she didn't tell them.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "It felt safer and just calm. I wasn't thinking to go to the police." Of course she left out that she couldn't go to a police department. But she could just use the excuse of confusion until she knew what was going on with her. To be fair, she really was confused.

Detective Sato nodded before pulling a card from her pocket. "I didn't expect you to know much and you are on bed rest so I'll end this here." Handing the card to her, the injured girl looked at it curiously. "That's my number. If you remember anything about yourself or the accident, call me."

She nodded again and her cheeks tinted a slight pink. That's all she's done for the past few hours. How embarrassing it was that she couldn't even think to hold a conversation. "T-thank you," she choked out but it sounded completely forced and her grin appeared as a grimace. And either they didn't notice or they just didn't feel like making her even more uncomfortable because the detectives bowed their heads respectfully before exiting.

Not giving her a chance to relax, the door opened again and now what she assumed was her doctor entered. She watched the man even more uneasily. For some reason the doctor bothered her more than the detectives. The man didn't seem too bad. A normal middle aged man dressed in his medical coat and carrying a clip board; there was nothing particularly daunting about him but something . . frightened her.

She started sweating. Her heart beating furiously could be heard on the monitor and she felt her cheeks enflame even more.

"Looks like someone's afraid of the doctor's office," he joked with a warm smile and a wink. "I'm Doctor Araide. I've been looking after you since Kudou-san brought you in."

That didn't put her at ease at all and she swallowed through her dry throat. Forcing herself to breathe evenly, the beeps from the monitor slowly went back to normal. She was thankful the doctor hadn't made too much of a big deal over it but Kudou-san was actually looking at her with a calculating frown. All she could do was try to convince her brain that it was alright. They weren't really in a hospital and that she needed to calm down.

"Well," he went to sit on the chair beside her and she tensed up some more. He didn't point it out this time thankfully and continued with," I have some bad news and some good news."

"What's the bad?" she took the initiative to ask. She'd rather get that out of the way first.

Doctor Araide sighed before shaking his head. "We ran prints and DNA through our systems and through the police department's records as well to see if we could pin you with a name. You're not in any of the systems and no one has reported a missing persons case." Seeing the disheartened look on his features he said, "Don't worry. That could mean many things. You just might not be around from this part of Japan and thankfully you don't have a record to warrant the police's attention."

She nodded slowly, trying to focus on the positive side. It was hard though when she was so confused. She literally had nothing. Not even memories.

"Now for the slightly better news. . . " And for this he actually looked at his clipboard and flipped back a few pages. "I'd still like to do a few more brain scans just to make sure your condition hasn't worsened but it appears to be psychogenic amnesia."

"P-psychogenic. . . ?"

"Retrograde amnesia," he corrected for her in simpler terms. "It's a form of memory loss that can follow a physically or emotionally traumatic event. Luckily, I believe yours isn't too severe."

"So. . . I won't keep passing out?" she asked hopefully from her bed. It hadn't been a very nice feeling from what she could remember and waking up hadn't been any easier either.

Doctor Araide sighed as if he didn't want to make her any promises. He probably couldn't and instead said, "I think that was your body reacting to a memory that . . . psychologically," he finally settled on that word, "you wanted to avoid."

"Basically. . . I don't want to remember." The injured woman nodded but could feeling the beginnings of a headache; only this time it was different. Instead of just straight and abrupt pain this one seemed to stem from stress and disappointment. What had happened to her so bad in her life that she didn't want to remember any of it?

"Not necessarily," the doctor said anxiously. He must've saw what her own statement meant for her. "It was only a theory. What's more important is there was no physical damage to the brain. Cases like these- I don't want to give false hope, but typically my patients that have experienced something similar, all regained some form of memory to their life before their accident."

Though he basically told her not to get too excited, her heart grew brighter. Maybe she wouldn't be a nobody forever and like he said, at least there was no serious damage. "Is there anything I can do that will hasten the process?" The woman didn't want to lose her calm façade in front of the doctor but it was hard to hide it in her voice.

And like a doctor would, he detected it easily. "You're still on bed rest," he warned. "Besides the amnesia, you suffered some major bruising to your ribs and abrasions to your face."

Her eyes widened. She hadn't even noticed. Had she been walking around with bruised ribs all this time? It was hard to believe but maybe whatever accident she had been in numbed her.

"I-" She cut herself off nervously. She didn't want to stay here. Doctors were meant to help people; she knew that deep down. But a certain fear deep inside of her chest- she couldn't deal with that here and surrounded by it. "I don't want to stay here."

And just like that, both the doctor's and Kudou-san's eyes were flitting towards her incredulously.

"I don't think you understand the severity of your condition," Doctor Araide started. "Your wounds are ones fitting of a car accident. You are in no state to be living on your own. And legally, I cannot let you leave on your own."

She wasn't legally a patient here. She was sure of it from Kudou-san's words and she wasn't about to stay here longer than she had to. She didn't want to be here and as far as she was concerned, she didn't have to be. She tried to be nice and let them have their questioning and their tests. Now she wanted to leave. She was fine just on her own until that stranger started smelling her. She wished she jumped out that window when she had the chance.

"Any more stress could damage your chances of gaining anything from your past."

That had her pausing her retort, biting her lip in contemplation. She didn't want to stay here. This wasn't comfortable for her. In fact, it frightened her quite a bit and what was even worse- she didn't know why.

Seeing that she wasn't too fond of this place but also realizing she understood her condition, the stranger from before spoke up again only this time addressing the doctor. "She can stay with me."

The doctor was staring at her now, a frown on his face before turning that disapproving stare on Kudou-san. "It was already wrong of me not to send this woman to a hospital let alone to not call the police. How can you ask me to let her leave?"

"She'll stay at my house. I have more than enough room and I'll watch over her," he replied easily while giving her wary sideways glances. It looked like he was worried she was going to just jump and leave herself without listening to what they had to say.

It was tempting.

"I'll let you leave tomorrow morning if you stay the night," was the doctor's final offer. Either that or he would more than likely inform the law enforcement. She didn't want to risk getting any of them in trouble for hiding this for her.

Lips pursed uncomfortably, she nodded her head once. "And then I can leave?"

"Like I said earlier, I want to run a few more brain scans and make sure there's no lasting damage through the night. After that, I am letting you leave with Kudou-san to be in his care." Doctor Araide put extra emphasis so she knew she would not be leaving alone.

True to his word though, the next morning she and Kudou-san were filling out documents. The entire time Doctor Araide was standing over her- prattling her to stay. After the restless night she had however, that wouldn't be happening. It was like she was about to crawl out of her skin. She didn't feel safe.

"Ma'am," the doctor turned to face her. "I really do not recommend this." It was a last ditch effort really. The hours long process was finally over and Kudou-san was pulling his car around as she waited.

"I know. Thank you for all you've done," she bowed. If it hadn't been for the fact that this was his practice and they had in fact taken her to a hospital, she knew this wouldn't have gone done as smoothly as it did.

Doctor Araide sighed disappointedly. "Please come back if you experience any pain or illness. You have a head injury and that could make appearances as nausea, soreness- anything." And he too was handing her a card and she couldn't believe she was receiving a second one. "This is my work number. It's always on and do not hesitate to call. Kudou-kun has my number as well."

After a few more departing words on the doctor's part on how she needed to be careful, she was waiting in the passenger seat as Kudou-san talked privately with him. She didn't pay it any mind and figured the man had finally given up on trying to convince her to stay there. Instead, he must be giving Kudou-san explicit instructions as he had done prior with her.

She jumped when the door opened and he slid into the driver's seat. Not realizing he was done talking, the girl noticed the doctor was long gone and not even standing on the porch any longer.

"So," he began as he buckled his seatbelt. "Is there anything you'd like me to call you?"

His question actually threw her. She just assumed she'd be left a no-name until she either remembered or those two detectives identified her- whichever came first. The woman thought about it though before shaking her head. Thinking about it gave her a headache and she honestly didn't know what she'd like to be called. Her real name definitely but at the moment that wasn't a possibility. Then to make it even harder, she knew nothing about herself to conjure up some nickname.

Kudou-san waved her off. "We'll figure something out," he said reassuringly. "Let's get you settled in first."

"Where are we?" she piqued curiously. Somehow her brain had retained the information that she was indeed Japanese and still in Japan. Why it didn't know anything else she'd never figure out.

"I live in Beika."

All she could do was nod again. Nothing seemed familiar about the area or name. A little bit of her hope diminished with that but she wouldn't get too discouraged yet. The doctor had hinted that this loss was more than likely temporarily until her mind could come to grips with what happened.

For some reason, when she was informed that she'd be staying with this Kudou Shinichi, she had pictured an apartment. Maybe a two bedroom flat in the city. What their car pulled up to however, she was practically pressed to the window in amazement.

It was a mansion- and no, she was not exaggerating. The house was huge and gated in and everything. Again she had to ask, "Who are you?" Not just anybody could afford a place like this. He had to be somebody important.

He looked at her surprised as he walked up to the gate and pulled it open. It was already unlocked apparently. "I already told you." When he saw she was still looking up in awe at the place that would be her home for at least the next few days, he sighed. "My mother is an actress and my father is an author. They left me the place to live in the States."

Glancing at him, she had a brief moment to wonder if that's why she recognized his name. The fact he had famous parents was more than explanation enough. She was curious to just who his parents were now but he seemed uncomfortable on the topic so she respectfully didn't push it. Instead she said, "Is it just you here?" She was curious. He looked to be in his early twenties and he wasn't bad looking at all. Maybe he had a wife or girlfriend.

"Well now there's you," he pointed out.

Blinking, she was a little flabbergasted that he owned this mansion all to himself. "You live here alone?" Still staring at the hard iron gates blocking the entry way, she felt a sort of cold sensation overcome her. How could someone live in such a big building all by themselves? She knew already that she wouldn't want to and she didn't even know who she was.

Kudou-san took a moment to pause and look at her as if she needed to pay attention. "No. Now, you live here too."

She actually took a moment to glare at his retreating back. The woman wasn't able to tell he was joking until he turned and gave her a small smirk. It was hard to stay irritated when someone smiled at you like that. And the fact he kept this entire thing a secret also helped but she didn't really want to bring that up anymore. Instead, she wanted to focus on getting to know the new place she'd be staying at for however long he chose to deal with her.

After he shut the gate behind them and resumed strolling down the pathway, her gaze raked across the front entrance and the surrounding yard. There was grass and it was green and there was indeed paint on the shutters and front door, but something disturbed her about the scene. She couldn't explain it well but it all just seemed so . . . dead. The front area near the front windows was completely bare where it appeared a garden may of been there quite some time ago. Actually entering the house and into the foyer, the shoe cubby was empty except for one pair. And eyes scanning the barren walls and the way their voices echoed around the spacious house- it was empty.

And there she had the answers to her own curious questions. There was no wife. There was no girlfriend. And based off the shoe rack, there wasn't even any guests. Did he really live here. . ? A hollow feeling ironically filled her heart. She couldn't explain it but she had the weird urge to open the shades and start cleaning. Not that it was messy or anything. It was clean- too clean if possible.

Kudou-san didn't notice the way she scrutinized the building as she followed him up the stairs. If he did, he didn't say anything about it and she walked quietly in his slippers. She assumed they were his considering they were the only pair by the door and he was forced to walk around in his socks. He must not receive many visitors.

"You can stay in here," he said as he opened one of the many doors in the upstairs hallway. "Since I only really had the night to prepare, it's not much. We can go out and buy you some clothes and stuff tomorrow though if you're up to it." It came out unsurely and when she glanced back at him he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

The woman shook her head with a small grin. "This is fine. Thank you for allowing me to stay." She was still curious as to why he did it. He had no clue who she was and neither did she. She had absolutely no memory of her prior life and some possible health issues. If she was asked, she'd say she was more trouble than it was worth.

"I have a neighbor that is about your size. She lent me some clothes for you to use- if you don't mind them of course," he corrected quickly.

Eyes a bit wide from the fact he actually thought she'd care about having to borrow clothes, she shook her head again. "I am very thankful for her offer and would be more than happy to get out of these." She had been wearing the same clothes she woke up in the first day with Doctor Araide. He had given her a pair of hospital pants and a white t-shirt.

"I have your original clothes in the wash." He had a thumb pointing behind him in the direction she assumed was the laundry room.

All she could do was bob her head in acknowledgement. In a way, she was thankful. Those clothes were her only grasp on where she had come from. On the other hand, they sort of felt detached. She couldn't remember anything about them so they almost held no meaning to her. She just wished she could remember something.

"Is your head hurting?"

She almost wondered why he would be asking her that but then she took notice to the frown she had on her features. The girl hadn't even realized she'd been doing it. Straightening her features, she fixed her lips upward into a small grin. "Not at all."

Kudou-san had been in the process of saying something when the grand doorbell resounded around the massive home. A confused scrunch of his brows showed he wasn't expecting any visitors today. "Excuse me," he nodded his head at her before turning to go. "Go ahead and settle in."

Back facing her, the man wasn't able to see the puzzled and incredulous look she bore. Settle? Settle what. Turn down her sheets to go to bed? She had nothing. There was nothing to settle. Not saying anything though, she decided to just follow him. It might be those two detectives with a lead.

"I told you not on the first day," he came Kudou-san's disapproving tone. He didn't sound angry but there was hint of scolding in his tone and she wondered who was on the receiving end. "She just got back from the doctor's and she needs to rest today." He was glancing down, almost bent over at the waist to talk down. Now she was curious.

"I just wanted to give her these!" came a cheerful voice if she'd ever heard one.

Making her way further down the steps, she noticed the way Kudou-san gripped the door open enough for him to speak. Hoping it wasn't too forward of her, she pried the door open further. It was obvious they were talking about her anyway and she didn't feel like resting much.

Shocked at first, it was enough to catch him off guard and the door opened further. Eyes looking forward, her eyes had to flit down when she realized once again, it was a small child; a little girl. Her hair was dark and cut short, a headband with a bow on her head. All in all, she looked adorable and the woman felt a wide smile tug at her features.

Practically shoving the man out of the way- or even forgetting he was there, she came to a kneeling position. "What did you want to give me?" she asked softly at the child's wide eyes. She wasn't sure but she hoped her sudden appearance hadn't frightened the girl. She really was tiny and she had to wonder how old she was. Maybe seven, if she had to guess?

The small girl's cheeks turned a flustered pink as she hid her hands behind her, an embarrassed look as she glanced at her feet. "I can come back tomorrow. Shinichi-oniisan says you need to rest."

Unlike with Kudou-san, she was being shy. It was no surprise considering she had no clue who she was.

The woman made to appear as if she were thinking. "Well, we can tell Shinichi-oniisan that the sun's still up," she replied with a sideways glance in his direction and she almost laughed. That got the little girl looking up at her again she felt her heart warm as a small giggle escaped her.

"What's your name?"

Now a bit more at ease she excitedly said, "Yoshida Ayumi!"

"That's really pretty," she complimented and if possible, the pink on the small child's cheeks got pinker.

"My parents named me after my grandmother. It means to step or. . to walk your. . " She kept stuttering and cutting herself off as she thought really hard to remember.

The woman wasn't really sure where the burst of knowledge came from but she paused the struggling verbal thoughts of the girl. "To walk your own way," she corrected.

Ayumi gasped happily. "Yes! That's it!" She giggled herself when the girl bobbed her head excitedly.

"Here you go, Onee-chan!"

The woman had to blink at the sudden appearance of flowers in her face. When she realized this must've been what the girl was hiding behind her back, she smiled before grabbing the stem from the child's hand. They were orchids and they were almost a violet color. Where had she pulled this from?

Eyes moving back to Ayumi-chan's, she smiled wider. "Thank you. It's really pretty."

Ayumi-chan pointed at the woman's face. She had to blink again from the sudden closeness. "Just like your eyes!"

Her eyes? The woman hadn't really paid that any mind. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't even looked in a mirror yet. Surprisingly she hadn't thought to do so. Most of her time had spent in a doctor's office. It would be like staring at a stranger anyway.

"My eyes?" She still repeated as she stared into space. How could she not know the color of her own two eyes? She felt her head start to ache.

Ayumi-chan nodded surely. "Say. . . what's your name?" It must've just hit her that she wasn't aware who she was talking to. Truthfully, the woman had forgot herself too. So used to being a noname for the past two days, she didn't think to introduce herself.

"Um. . . "

Kudou-san saw her unease and appeared ready to turn this conversation around. Ayumi was way ahead of him however.

"I'll bet your name is Ran- like the orchid!" she chirped excitedly as she pointed at the flower that she still held in her hand.

Ran? Was that her name? There was nothing there; nothing familiar about the title. But as she twisted the violet orchid in her grasp, and turned the name over and over in her thoughts, she felt a slow smile return to her face. It did have a pretty ring to it.

Kudou-san looked fully prepared to scold her. He didn't want the woman to have another meltdown from trying to force a memory. "Ayumi-chan-!"

But she interrupted him. "How did you know?"

And the man had to take a second to wonder if she really remembered and that was indeed her name. But based off the humorous twist to her lips, he could tell it was mostly to amuse the small girl. If it really was her name, she didn't know but she didn't appear to be about to argue it.

"I knew it," Ayumi-chan gasped happily. "It's because of your pretty eyes!"

"Ayumi!"

All three heads shot up to glance just before the Kudou manor gates. There were two boys that appeared to be the same age as the small girl and she figured they must be classmates.

"Oh! That's Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun. I'm supposed to be working on school work with them." With that she practically skipped down the front entrance steps towards the two boys. "Bye Shinichi-onii-san! Bye Ran-nee-chan!"

Little girl long gone and now back Kudou-san glanced at her. "That was nice of you."

The woman was still sitting on the couch, violet orchid in her hand as she twirled the stem. "It's not like I had a name to begin with," she shrugged. She couldn't hide the warm feeling she felt though. For once, that she could remember, someone had given meaning to something in her life. Even if it was because of chance that her eyes happened to be the same color of that particular orchid. She had a name with a meaning. She had a meaning.

Her eyes slid over to Kudou-san whom hovered in the doorway. His own gaze shot to the floor and she couldn't really tell but it seemed like his cheeks gained a tint of color. Had he been watching her?

He cleared his throat. "I could get a small vase for that," he suggested looking up at her finally. "Did you want one, Ra-?"

He cut himself off abruptly and this time she was positive he turned red.

She wasn't at all offended by his forwardness. In fact, she felt better knowing that he now had a name for her. She wasn't nameless. He probably felt uncomfortable or rude calling her some child's nickname. "I have something else in mind . . and," glancing briefly at the flower again and back to him, a small grin twisted her lips. "You can call me Ran."

#@shinranweek #shinranweek21 #day 7 #creator's choice #fanfic #shinran #dcmk fanfic #dcmk #fanfiction #this is ridiculously long and im sorry

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goth-albino-angel · 3 years

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Yugiri's smile is everything. She has so many of them and they all mean different things. When she's relaxed, when she's excited, when she's confused, when she has no clue what's going on but everyone else is happy so she's happy, when she's relieved, when she's proud... She has so many different smiles and if Tumblr didn't have the 10 image rules, I would absolutely gush about every single one of them in detail. Unfortunately, if I do that, all of those posts will probably be eaten out of the tag, so instead, here are my top 10 favorite Yugiri smiles so far, images included. (Pre-Revenge episode 9)

10. Season One, Episode 2: The First Smile/ 9. Season One, Episode 10: The Sentimental Smile

Episode 2 is the first time we ever see Yugiri smile. Before this, she seemed relatively nonplussed or generally disinterested in pretty much everything going on. Even though she was in a different time period with complete strangers and a madman demanding her to be something she has no knowledge of, she was fairly calm. Then the first time we see her smile, it's when she sees something completely familiar. Her own face. Not only that, but she directs that smile toward the character that is going to become basically her little sister. The first one means so much and it's so important.

Within the same vein, her smile to Kotaro in episode 10 is one during an emotionally heavy moment. It's the first time he's hit an actual snag in his plans. Sakura's singular focus on the Arpino show rather than on the bigger picture of the group as a whole would have been a massive roadblock had she not realized her mistake.

Yugiri is the only one who properly realizes the reason they were sent into the mountains in the first place. Instead of simply sitting on the information, she's proactive about it and actually goes to discuss the problem with Kotaro. She wants to understand his reasoning so that she might be able to help him. And when she turns toward him, she also gives him the observations she's witnessed throughout her new life. This smile may be low on my list of favorites, but it's still unbelievably important.

...Also, when they released the preview image of this smile, my brain short-circuited for ten minutes, so it had to make it onto the list regardless.

8. Season Two, Episode One: The Professional Smile

This smile isn't much out of the ordinary for what we've come to expect of Yugiri, but it's on here because this was our first look at Yugiri after basically two years of very little. None of us knew how the group would come back, how the writing team had incorporated the unexpected pandemic, how things would play out, or what would be happening. The Promo showed Tae's hand flying off to knock off Sakura's head, but as 2018 displayed, the promos can't always be trusted. This showed that, even in this new world where she's only been awake for a year, she's putting her skills to use and working just as hard as the others. Thanks to the conversation from Episode 10 of the first season, we know she was trained as a geisha which would make service work much easier than it would be for the other girls.

I don't have too much to say on this one, to be honest. I do like that she's in softer lighting, as opposed to the others who were all surrounded by harsh lighting on their season two introductions. The softer lighting lends itself well to the lack of pigment and coloration in the girls' makeup, allowing Yugiri to look like she has some color, even if she still looks somewhat pale and tired. It doesn't give her quite the same sickly look the others have at their jobs. The red dress? 100/10. Perfect decision.

7. Season One, Episode Five: The Proud Smile

SHE. DOES. GYMNASTICS. She has every right to this smile! I did the math for this specific part of the episode and Yugiri got third place. The judges liked her rope aerobics so much, they shot her all the way to third place even though her distance was zero meters. It wouldn't have gotten her interviewed, but it would have at least put Franchouchou at the forefront. I still applaud Tae snagging first place, but Yugiri deserves some praise. She really did go face first into the mud on a bike and said, "Never again." She's so proud of herself. I'll be gushing about the actual gymnastics part in a different post a little later, too, but she definitely deserves to be proud of herself. I'm really gay...

6. Season One, Episode Four: The Cute Smile

Originally, this was just going to be me doing some keysmash version of a squeal or something, but there's something I'd like to draw attention to. I'm pretty sure that, by this point, Franchouchou only knows two songs. Yomigaere, which was supposed to be performed in episode 2, and Mezame Returner, which is what's being performed here. Of these two, Yugiri has more experience with this one, but from what the audience had been shown, it wasn't good experience.

Memorizing the lyrics would have been the easy part for her. It's that a good portion of the dance practice was also spent helping Lily get the steps down and potentially calming her frustrations. Then the performance itself would have been a complete disaster if Junko and Ai hadn't gotten over themselves at the last minute to finally help.

This is the first successful performance of Mezame Returner we're witnessing and it's clear the group's had more practice since then. You can see how excited and happy Yugiri is here because this one is actually going well. They had a bit more time to prepare, the two lead roles were actually involved this time, and the audience also was clearly enjoying the performance. She's so happy and it's just so heart-warming to see. Yes, even with the CGI. Don't @ me, she looks adorable.

5. Season One, Episode Seven: The Sassy Smile

This one also was just going to be a squealing keysmash thing, but again, I have something to point out. Look how much more confident she is now that Junko and Ai have, once again, gotten over themselves. Yugiri sees the effect that Junko stepping in had on the others and just like the rest of the group, her movements are more relaxed and free.

It's more obvious, actually, if you look at the way the other girls are moving directly after Junko helps Ai up in comparison to how Yugiri is moving. She did a spin while waiting for Sakura and Lily to finish their segment, and she could be cheeky during her own. She sensed that the tension had mostly dissolved and because of that, she allowed herself to relax and could properly throw herself into the performance. When she throws out this smile and wink, it's not actually directed at the audience. It's Yugiri telling the others that they've got this without breaking the performance.

4. Season Two, Episode Four: The Gentle Smiles

I put both of these here because Yugiri's just... so... caring? So much of what she does is passive that you don't realize just how much work she puts into relieving the stress from the other girls until long after the problem has been resolved.

In the first, she's speaking to Sakura. No doubt, Yugiri probably noticed how worried Sakura was about Junko. Even though Sakura was trying not to let the others catch on just how anxious she really was, Yugiri still knew that something was bothering Sakura as well as Junko. Yugiri knew that the key to easing Junko's mind lay in placating Sakura first. She's seen what happens to them all when they fall apart and she wants to avoid that at all costs. So, Yugiri lifts Sakura's spirits and gives her back the fire and determination to make a great performance.

In the second, Yugiri is watching Junko eat. Unlike the others, it's clear Yugiri knows that Junko is in much higher spirits than when last they saw her. Junko would likely have still been a stuttering, quivering mess otherwise, but she wasn't stuttering and her actions were purposeful and self-assured. Yugiri is very observant. She would have caught on that something had happened to make Junko feel better. What makes this smile even better is that she's not the least bit disappointed. The reason she made dinner was to help Junko, but she doesn't view the meal as a waste of time. She's so focused on other people, that she's happy Junko is feeling better at all and even offers her different platters to help keep her mood up.

These are high on the list for two reasons. One, they're a show of just how much Yugiri does for her girls. Two, YUGIRI COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HEADCANON CONFIRMED BITCHEEEESSS!!! I GOT ONE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!

3. Season Two, Episode Six: The Affectionate Smile

I will be completely honest, I have no idea why this one is as high as it is. I admit, I did spend three hours replaying this single thirty second scene because it's really sweet and Yugiri and Tae don't interact very often, so seeing Yugiri not only be worried for Tae, but also be immediately reassured that Tae would be fine was just something my heart didn't know it needed until it had it. The sheer level of affection Yugiri shows toward Tae is too adorable. Especially since Yugiri usually only has moments like those with Sakura and, to a lesser extent, Lily. This smile's really cute, it's in the middle of a wholesome scene, and it made me love both Yugiri and Tae that much more.

2. Season One, Episode Three: The Excited Smile

Once again, an entry that was going to be a simple squealing keysmash until I realized there was something to point out here as well. This is the first smile we ever see from Yugiri that's genuinely enthusiastic. She has plenty of them, especially during her performances, but this is our first time seeing her fully incorporate herself into the group as an actual member and actually look excited to do something with the others. This was an omen of adorable things to come and damn did it deliver.

Honorable Mentions.

I'm only going to touch on each of these briefly because to be honest, there are a LOT of smiles I could've picked.

The first one is from episode 6 when the group is talking about their very first meet-and-greet. Lily asks Yugiri if she's keeping up okay, and Yugiri remarks that she's taking things as they come. This was a small look into the kind of character she is. As I mentioned before, she's very passive in the way she operates, but that's to the benefit of those she cares for. This is her admitting that she doesn't want to be a problem and it's just sweet that even though Lily is worried about her, Yugiri's still highkey thinking about everyone else.

To the right is a shot of Yugiri during Electric Returner. This one is just the squealing keysmash because she looks so genuinely ecstatic, it's contagious. She's NO DAMN CLUE what happened or why they sound so different, but she is absolutely living her best second life.

The next shot comes from the beginning of Yomigaere and is somewhat of a repeat of the above. She's excited to perform for such a big crowd, she's glad Sakura finally agreed to actually participate, and she's living her best second life. Whoever animates Yugiri's CG model? I love you. I want to send you a gift basket. She's always so happy during performances.

Then comes her smile after the group finds out Sakura's memories are back. She's just glad Sakura, her Sakura, has come back to them, that she accepts her crap luck and is still willing to stay. For Yugiri, this goes under the list of Best Possible Outcomes. Her family is whole again and she's so relieved.

Last in the top row is the first full frontal shot we get of Yugiri in the Saga Jihen music video. She's so unbelievably adorable here. I wish I could've gotten her first expression, but the curtain was still rising and without photoshop, I'm not editing an image to the degree needed to get her whole face lightened. Point is, she's cute and everyone deserves to see her adorable face on the first song she got to be center for.

First on the bottom row is Yugiri looking apologetic from episode 8 of Revenge. She's so cute. It was an honest mistake and she had no way of knowing the paper belonged to Kiichi. No doubt, that was probably why she offered to help him rewrite them later.

Next is how cute she looks in big sister mode. She's wiping the mud from Kiichi's cheeks and is taking such care with him. Throughout the entire episode, she treats him like a little kid and it's likely because her role was big sister for so long that she doesn't know how not to treat him that way. It really does shed light on just how kind she is to everyone, though, that she doesn't even think about her dirty kimono and focuses on cleaning him up a little first.

Then we have her smiling at Kiichi as she remarks on how beautiful his dream of reviving Saga is. She even says she hopes it comes true. His dream means something to her. She can't even fully see it, he can't even fully see it, but they don't need to. What Itou didn't understand this whole time is something Yugiri understood immediately just from listening to Kiichi talk. They don't need to see it in their minds, all they need is to feel it in their hearts, and that's something Yugiri knows.

And lastly on the honorable mentions, because this post is already super long, Yugiri smiling while she's cooking for her guests. It was a tossup between this or the pinwheel because it's just really nice that Yugiri can simply enjoy mundane things. I chose this one because it's a direct contrast to how she was at the beginning. Before, she ate with a disinterested expression, but now, she's cooking for guests rather than just for herself. The lift in her mood is obvious, and it's something so small but so heartwarming, I couldn't resist.

I would've put the pinwheel moment anyway, but unfortunately, as a com major, formatting and design are everything and an extra picture on the top or bottom without a balancer would've thrown the whole thing off. Maybe next time.

NOW FOR NUMBER ONE

1. Season Two, Episode Eight: The Softest Smile

This should have been expected. There's something genuinely touching about the fact that Yugiri really does give her everything, even to complete strangers. These girls barely know her, everyone in town barely knows her, but because her dance students suggested Yugiri go out and actually experience, Yugiri gives it actual thought. She doesn't dismiss them, she doesn't deride them, she doesn't make them feel foolish or anything like that. She treats their suggestion the same way she would if it had come from a close friend. And she does actually take them up on it.

Later, we see her come into contact with Kiichi to demonstrate that even full-on strangers aren't exempt from her kind heart, but this means more. All we know is that these girls take Yugiri's dance class, and from the way they speak when we first meet them, it's clear Yugiri has a professional wall between herself and those she instructs. But she still treats them as she would the girls back in Shimabara. It's proof that, even in the past, Yugiri really was just as kind-hearted as in the present. It's a show don't tell kind of thing that just speaks so deeply to the writer in me. I love this smile. It's everything. Her smiles are everything. She's everything.

#Yugiri #Yuugiri #Zombieland Saga #Zombie Land Saga #Zombieland Saga Revenge #Zombie Land Saga Revenge #Angel has spoken #rip mobile users #I'm sorry but I needed to do this #also sorry about the slight passive aggressiveness for entries five and six #I'll do better

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tsrookie · 3 years

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Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

#open heart #open heart second year #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #mercy goes nuts #happy three years of Reputation🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤#ethan ramsey

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igotyouniverse · 3 years

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Breathe Me - Chapter 3 [nct vamp au]

Pairing: Oc x Taeyong , Oc x Johnny [side: markxoc, tenxoc, lucasxoc, jaehyunxoc]

Included Members: Taeyong, Johnny, Mark, Lucas, Ten, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Haechan (maybe more)

Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst, Fantasy

Warnings: angst, blood, death (this chapter), strong language

Description: After dropping out of college and coming home for the first time in two years, 22-year-old Ava Lee gets caught up in a mystery surrounding the people she thought she knew for so long. Between friendship, affairs and true love the young women finds herself being pulled into a nightmare she would never wake up from.

a/n: dundunduuun. I re-wrote this chapter 8476 times. Yikes.This chapter is from the boys' (mostly Taeyong) point of view so you get a little insight on the different relationships and what happened :o Plus some explanation to what they (obviously) are and other stuff . *winkwonk* Anyway I hope you enjoy this! I’m actually hyped to write the next one, oof. (I had to delete and repost this because Tumblr wasn’t showing it anymore and idk why)

[tagging @neowritingsnet and @czennienet because tumblr won’t let this post show up in the tags, whysoever :^)

words: ~5k

Ch. 1 || Ch. 2 ||

Taeyong sighed, resting his back against the wall of the café. He looked down to his feet, listening to the conversation the two girls had, while hiding in the back room, to avoid looking at them. Yes, he felt a bit ashamed for eavesdropping but was it really eavesdropping if he would understand every word anyway? He didn't even have to try to specifically listen to them. The café was quiet, just some cozy music playing in the background – nothing that would distract his sensitive senses.

He let the back of his head fall against the wall, his eyes now facing the ceiling when someone came into the room.

“You good?”, Jaehyun said and Taeyong nodded at his friend, straightening himself up and walking up to the table, thinking if he should just make some more pastries to keep his thoughts collected and senses calm.

He saw how Jaehyuns eyes were glued to the small doorway arch, leading into the main room of the café. Taeyong knew that he was listening as well. How couldn't he?

“Did you know that she was back?”, Taeyong asked, raising one of his brows, looking directly into Jaehyuns eyes when he turned his head away from the noise and towards his friend.

Jaehyun kept silent for a minute and bit his lip. Taeyong knew, that he couldn't lie to him. Well, he could try.

“It's fine if you don't want to tell me.”, Taeyong added softly and let a small smile escape his lips.

“Thank you.”, Jaehyun answered, seemingly relieved.

Taeyong looked away, not wanting to disturb his friend much longer.

“Strange, isn't it? Why did she come back now?”, Jaehyun asked quietly, starting to set up some hot water to get himself some tea.

“I don't know.”, he answered, his voice sounding dry.

He felt how Jaehyun looked at him.

“It doesn't matter, as long as you won't let her out of your sight.”, Taeyong added and sighed.

“Of course I won't. I didn't let her out of my sight for the past years now, just how you told me to do. But it's not like we're that close or something. She rarely really talks to me anyway.”, Jaehyun answered truthfully.

“I know. You don't need to tell me what you're doing if you don't want to, Jaehyun. I won't force you to tell me.”, Taeyong tried to smile again, not letting his emotions out of control for a brief second. He knew, that Jaehyun knew he was hiding something, yet he didn't further ask him anything.

These years ago, after the incident, Taeyong needed to change something. He knew that she was at risk of getting hurt. But Johnny was incapable of even talking about her, after what happened. Taeyong just had to know how safe she was in New York, so he entrusted her safety with Jaehyun. The boy knew, what could happen if he sent Jaehyun but he couldn't care about his own feelings. It wasn't right. So he didn't.

Yet, it was indeed strange that she decided to come back for now. It was even stranger that no one seemed to feel the need to tell him. He could understand them, though. None of them knew his part of the whole story – not even Johnny. And that's how it was supposed to be. Still, he wished someone had told him so he could prepare. But as much as he was worried to show anything, he knew that she wasn't able to see it anyway. However, the encounter with her wasn't how it was supposed to be. The way she looked at him, he could see her emotions written all over her soft face. She remembered something in the back of her head. He sighed slightly, trying to think about what he'd done wrong. It wasn't usually like this. She was supposed to see him as a complete stranger.

“You want some tea?”, he heard Jaehyun ask and shook his head. It wasn't like they needed it anyway, yet he knew that Jaehyun enjoyed the taste of it.

They both looked up as they heard how the girls stood up and brought their plates and cups to the counter. They noticed how Ava stood still for a moment, before leaving the café.

“Do you think it's a good idea to let her come to the party?”, Jaehyun asked after he took a sip of his tea.

“Well, you can't un-invite her. As long she won't be left alone, nothing will happen.”, Taeyong patted his friend's shoulder before going out to collect the dirty dishes and putting them in the sink where he started to clean them.

“Ah, Johnny's outside.”, Taeyong said as he sensed the presence of his friend right outside the back door. “Would you mind picking up some books from the store?”, he added and looked at Jaehyun, who was staring it him for a second too long. Both heard that Ava was probably going there right this second.

The room got silent for a while, only filled with the noise of running water and the scrubbing of the sponge, Taeyong cleaned the dishes with.

“Fine.”, Jaehyun sighed, not able to say no, even though Taeyong didn't do anything.

Taeyong listened how both of them went to the store next door and finished doing the dishes and putting them back in the shelves where they belong.

It wasn't easy for him to see Ava after this time, yet he just had to pretend he rarely knew her. Honestly, he wasn't even sure if he'd knew her at all. All these memories he buried in the last corner of his brain, where they should just fade slowly, but they simply weren't as slowly fading as he wished for. It was tiring for him. Way easier, when she wasn't in the small town, though. He even resisted from asking how things where going whenever Jaehyun had some news. He just pretended he didn't care at all. It would be way too awkward and exhausting if he'd tell them. It was for the best just like things were.

Maybe she wasn't staying for long anyway, maybe it was just a short visit whatsoever. But deep down he knew it wasn't. He was a little uneasy thinking about the part, maybe even anxious. It wasn't like he thought their house was a dangerous place, yet he preferred to let her stay out of it for as long as possible. He sighed and looked at the clock, thinking about how he would survive for the next hours with his head full of thoughts.

Lost in thought, he cleaned the tables. Was it insensitive for him to send Jaehyun and Johnny together when he knew she was there? Maybe. But it wasn't his cup of tea, honestly. He didn't want to interfere with their lives, especially not hers. The years went by and she got more grown-up, he thought, probably much stronger than before, so she'd knew what was best for her. Or at least, that's what he wished for.

He knew that the city she knew changed and it wouldn't take long until she started to ask questions. Things happened, life went on. Taeyong wanted nothing more than to protect her from all these things which had happened and will happen but he wasn't in the position to do so. He just hoped time went by quickly and she'd return to a city where she was safe. Well, safer than here.

Taeyong could easily hear how Johnny and Jaehyun came through the backdoor again, their hands full with books. He could tell the shifting atmosphere between them and watched how Johnny just quickly nodded at him before bringing the books into the café, placing them in the intended bookshelf on the wall at the back.

Taeyong sighed and looked at Jaehyun who just shrugged his shoulders and completed his task the same way Johnny did.

“Why did you tell her to come?”, he heard Johnny ask Jaeyhun as both of them joined Taeyong in the back.

“Well, technically I didn't tell her. Her friend invited her beforehand.”, Jaehyun chuckled and tried to avoid Taeyong's staring gaze.

“You do realize I'm not blind, don't you?”, Johnny hissed and Taeyong saw how his jaw clenched. Johnny wasn't good at hiding his emotions. He never really was.

“I know.”, Jaehyun answered plainly and leaned against a big table in the middle of the room.

“I don't know what you want. Do you want to make me mad?”, Johnny's voice was strained, he got angry. Taeyong avoided to look directly at his friend, continuing to listen to their conversation, even though he didn't even want to hear it at this time.

“Jeez, not everything is about you, Johnny.”, Jaehyun said annoyed, running his hand through his dark hair and sighing, looking at Taeyong, asking him for help but Taeyong just turned around and headed outside of the door.

He obviously didn't tell Johnny about the task he obliged Jaehyun with as he honestly didn't think of them to collide like this any time soon. He sighed and stood in front of the back door for some time, fighting with himself if he should listen to their conversation or not.

“Since when are you close to her anyway? I never even see you talk to her.”, he heard Johnny ask Jaehyun.

“You mean because you talked to her so much the last years?”, Jaehyun chuckled, “Honestly, you should seriously get your shit together. She won't wait forever, you know.”

The door opened in front of Taeyong and Jaehyun stared at him before closing it behind him, leaving Johnny alone in the room.

“I won't ask you to tell me why you want me to do this.”, Jaehyun sighed once more and started to walk next to Taeyong, who fell silent.

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“Didn't you say it was a small gathering?”, Jaehyun said while watching more and more people casually walk into their house. Most of them had some kind of booze or snacks in their hands, everyone already seeming to feel a little lightheaded, as they started to laugh and dance to the music.

“Yeah, I might've told some people and you know-”, Lucas answered apologetic and pouted towards Jaehyun, who just rolled his eyes and patted Lucas' shoulder to signalize him that it was fine. He couldn't change it anyway now. Lucas face lit up and he smiled at Jaehyun, thanking him for being chill and cool, before wiggling his way through the mass of people, in which everyone seemed to know him.

Jaehyun's eyes followed the youngest with every step he took. He was young, just wanting to enjoy is life, Jaehyun thought, yet he knew that Lucas wasn't quite there yet. He still had his phases in which he still was unable to control himself. Not being able to control oneself, mixed with young people who were buzzed was a delicate matter. He did trust Lucas, though. He knew, that he would never hurt anyone on purpose and saw how much he tried to fit in and adjust to his life with them.

“No need to worry, he has a good day.”, Taeyongs voice appeared next to Jaehyun, who turned towards his friend and smiled mildly.

“He seems to be in a good mood.”, Jaehyun said, when looking at Lucas again, who was now standing amidst a group of people, probably telling some story or jokes. The music and people way too loud for him to focus on his hearing ability to listen to their exact conversation.

“Yeah, he kinda invited half of the town, as it seems.”, Taeyong said, scratching his neck

“I'm honestly surprised to see you down here anyway. You don't like parties.”, Jaehyun stated, his head turning towards his friend again who shrugged his shoulders, his eyes scanning the people in front of them.

“Just wanted to check in what's going on in my house. I'll probably go upstairs soon.”, he said after finishing his quick scan and look back at Jaehyun whose eyes were still on him, totally aware of the fact that he wasn't telling him something yet again.

Jaehyun let his eyes wander back at the room, watching how two of the local detectives came in together, where they immediately got greeted by some others. He watched how the girl took just a minimal step back, as soon as another girl stood next to her. The human didn't even notice it, just continuing with her talking but Jaehyun saw how the girl shifted every time another person was close to her. For a second, he looked back to Taeyong, whose eyes were focused on her as well.

Just as he looked back at her, her eyes met theirs and for a quick second, he felt something. A feeling in his stomach, a small burning, a signal. His muscles immediately tensed and he felt how his mouth got dry.

“Do you think she knows?”, Jaehyun whispered to Taeyong, whose muscles were clearly strained just like his.

“The question isn't if she knows. It's why and what exactly she knows.”, Taeyong answered and kept on looking back at the girl, “I'll be upstairs. Would you mind coming up later?”

Jaehyun looked at Taeyong for a second and nodded before his friend let the girl go an quickly walked the stairs up.

When he turned away, the girl and her friend were gone. He sighed and squinted his eyes, looking at his hands.

Taeyong closed the door to his bedroom behind him, quickly running up to his desk to search in the documents he so carefully made the last months, when things started to change in the town. He knew, something was about to happen. He felt it in his guts ever since that day when Lucas had to join them. Something happened that night – not only a transition but something more. He felt how a ritual took place inside a house somewhere in town, he just couldn't figure out where exactly. He searched the whole night but couldn't smell or hear anything at all in the middle of the town, which was more than suspicious to him, keeping in mind that his senses were so old and trained, he could hear noises hundreds of miles away. That's when he knew there had to be something non-human going on. Something magical.

Which was technically impossible, because the last real witch who lived in town has died and as of his knowledge she didn't have any children. It wasn't usual for witches to hold a ritual on some random night, no, they need to plan their rituals carefully and with months, if not years, of preparation, especially if it's a ritual to welcome a new member to their family.

He knew, that witches weren't evil and usually he got along with them for the past decades but the way the ritual took place and the fact that they used magic to shield their ritual from them made him think about the motives. It backed up his feeling that something was about to happen, something that the witches know about. Yet, he didn't know where they come from. They could've used magic for weeks to hide themselves from him and his friends. But why would they do this?

“Damn it.”, he whispered under gritted teeth, his eyes scanning his documentations from the past months, trying to figure out what they're planning. The fact, that the girl lived in town for years before made him feeling unwell. If they were somewhat able to hide her powers and family history to him, they could be up for more.

He sighed and walked up to his window, facing the front yard, watching cars pull up and people walk in. His gaze quickly caught two familiar figures in the dim light and saw how they slowly walked up to their entrance. Taeyong followed the movements of Ava for as long as he could, watching how she looked over the yard, while talking to her brother before they stepped inside.

A mild knock on his door made him look away, waiting for the person to walk into his room.

“She's a witch, isn't she?”, Jaheyun said and looked over at Taeyong, who let himself down on a chair.

“I think so, yeah.”, Taeyong sighed once more and watched how Jaehyun leaned himself against the door frame.

“She's talking to Ava.”, he added and the look in Taeyong's eyes changed for a quick second, before he closed his eyes and tried to collect his thoughts.

“Well, that's nothing we should be worried about.”, Taeyong finally answered and clicked his tongue. “You should probably know, that Ava doesn't have magical powers.”, he added and looked at Jaehyun, who just shrugged his shoulders.

“She could have, though. I didn't know that girl had them as well.”, Jaehyun said while letting his eyes wander through the room to keep them busy.

“She doesn't have powers.”, Taeyong stated once more, his voice firm as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Maybe they aren't active, yet.”, Jaehyun tried to argue but as soon as he saw Taeyong's look he shut his mouth.

Taeyong knew that Ava couldn't be a witch but for now he didn't want Jaehyun to know more than he needed to at this point. He saw how Jaehyun rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Fine. I still think it's weird, that she's coming back to town just after the witches activate their powers.”, Jaehyun added.

“Of course it's problematic. Just try to keep an eye out for her. Especially tonight.”, Taeyong said and looked away, trying to put the memories back in the corner of his head.

“I will.”, Jaehyun said and as soon as Taeyong looked back at him, his friend turned around and walked back downstairs.

Taeyong sighed, standing up to look outside the window, before resting his head on the cold glass. His mind was way too loud for him to focus on one single thought or sense. It was a mixture of emotions, covering his thoughts like a thick mist. He needed to find out what was happening in the middle of the town, before his family got alerted. It was enough, that Jaehyun already sensed his uneasiness. He didn't need all of them to sense the distress he was going through. It was his task, his purpose, to keep the peace for as long as possible and he knew he couldn't risk any danger to it.

He closed his eyes for a second, trying to structure his thoughts. If Jaehyun sensed something, it wouldn't take long for the others to feel the same, especially now with that witch in their usually well guarded house. He needed to know what her motives were. Yet, he knew he couldn't underestimate her. Even when she was young and got her powers recently, he knew what they could do. Sooner or later he needed to talk to her. His eyes opened, fixating a small figure running out of the house. He saw how Ava practically stormed out, just to stand still for a second, her face turning towards the forest next to her. He furrowed his brows, her eyes were red, her blood pulsating rapidly in her body. Taeyong watched how she closed her eyes for a quick second, before walking straight forward into the woods.

He waited for a moment, looking after her shadow, which was quickly disappearing in the dark, where not even his eyes could follow. He could clearly see how upset she was. He sighed, realizing how stupid it was for her to come into this house.

Taeyong walked outside of his room, were he was greeted by Johnny standing next to Jaehyun in the small hallway upstairs.

Johnny's head was rested against the wall, his eyes squinted together, while Jaehyun just stood there next to him, arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes wandering towards Taeyong, who could see clearly how Johnny's breath hitched and how he tried to keep his emotions in control.

He thought about saying something, but he couldn't think of anything which might be helpful for Johnny. Noone could actually help him with his emotions or guilt. It was something he needed to figure out by himself, so Taeyong decided to leave them behind, making his way downstairs, quickly disappearing through the front door without someone noticing him.

He looked around, trying to make Ava's figure out but he couldn't. He furrowed his brows, following the path he saw her going at through his window. The music slowly disappeared behind him, making it easier for him to hear and try to find the girl. He stopped in his tracks when he suddenly heard noises somewhere around him. Footsteps. More than one. He knew the steps didn't belong to a human as he started to follow them, his heart starting to beat faster as he heard more noise moving further away.

Taeyong's breath started to hitch, his eyes scanning every inch in front of him, jumping from point to point, trying to get her tracks. His senses were on edge, he felt his body burning as he rushed through the woods in his supernatural speed, trying to follow the scent, which was already burned inside of him. He felt her emotions wandering through the air. He could clearly feel fear surrounding her, paired by fast, swift footsteps.

He heard bricks cracking under someone's steps, letting his legs carry him towards the sounds. He could hear her short breaths. His ears could hear how her heart beat rapidly in her chest, he could feel the terror running through her. Taeyong felt his body tense, his mind going blank when he heard the scream. A scream, so full of terror it felt like his blood froze in his veins.

His eyes scanned the surrounding, trying to see anything in the dark, which usually wasn't a problem but something felt off. It was, like he couldn't quite see as clearly as he was used to, as if his vision was blurred, which was impossible. He continued to run through the woods, slowly losing the sound of her breath and heartbeat, which both got quieter with each second passing by.

But then she saw her. It felt like he choked on air, seeing how the girl lied on the leaves, covered in dust. He looked around, a feeling growing inside of him. His emotions swirled around in his body, unsure about what exactly he was feeling at all. He was afraid – in fear. The prominent bite marks on her neck were in a deep red, blood still drooling out of them.

He looked at her body, how her eyes were closed, her skin looked pale. For a quick second he thought she might be dead. Fear spread through his veins, closing his eyes trying to concentrate on his senses. He sighed in relief, when his ears could hear a slow heartbeat.

Taeyong looked around once more. He knew he wasn't alone. He could feel something lurking in the woods around him, carefully watching him. But there was no time. He couldn't go and search for the one who did this.

With a quick motion he picked the nearly lifeless body up, pressing her against his chest. He looked at her fragile body, which was barely moving. Her eyes were sunken, skin pale due to the blood loss. He could see her veins through the thin, white skin, yet her face looked like it was covered in shadows.

He pressed his lips together as he rushed through the woods, leaving the lurking shadows as far behind him as he could.HIs mind went completely wild, thousands of thoughts and screams spinning through his head, feeling like it was about to explode at any seocnd.

The house was no option to put her, obviously, with that many humans around. Nobody could see her. He knew, that it wouldn't take long for his family to smell her blood through the air. He knew, they'd come fast.

His legs carried him back near the house, a small entrance covered by trees and bushes leading right underneath the earth, into the crypt of his house. He breathed the muddy, thick air underground in and couldn't remember the last time he went in there, usually preferring to stay upstairs.

He rushed inside a big room, covered in dust and spiderwebs, laying her down on the stone table in the middle.

“What the fuck.”, he heard Jaehyun whisper behind him, his eyes wide in shock, “Who?”, he asked looking at Taeyong.

Taeyong was suddenly angry – no, he was furious. “I told you to not let her out of your sight! How could you let her wander through the woods alone?!”, his voice was deep as he felt how his blood started to pulsate in his veins, turning the skin under his now shining eyes black., “This is your fault!” he hissed, trying is very best not to fall into a rage.

“I- Listen. If I knew she'd go into the forest I would've followed her, I thought-”, Jaehyun tried to explain himself, knowing that he had to calm Taeyong down. His own voice not as steady as he wanted it to be, his eyes fixating on the body in front of him.

“Clearly, you're unable to actually use your brain!”, Taeyong growled, grabbing Jaehyun by the throat, pushing him against a cold-stoned wall, a small choking sound escaping Jaehyuns throat.

“I'm giving you one simple order and now she's dying and it's your fault. Her blood is on your hands, Jaehyun.”, Taeyong's emotions covered his thoughts, making it nearly impossible for him to think clearly.

“Y-You're hurting me.”, Jaehyun gasped, his hands on top of Taeyong's, trying to fight him off but his strength wasn't even near Taeyong's.

“What's going on?”, Johnny asked as soon as he came rushing into the room, trying to get Taeyong's hands off Jaehyun's neck, before even realizing what was going on.

Within a second, Taeyong suddenly snapped back into reality and out of his rage, when he heard more people saying his name. He let go of Jaehyun's neck, turning towards his family, who was staring at them before their gazes went down to the table, eyes growing wide in shock.

“Oh my God.”, Johnny's voice was shaking as he stumbled through them, falling on his knees next to the table, his hands desperately grabbing for hers. His eyes scanning her body until they met the marks on her neck. He gulped, feeling how his stomach turned upside down.

“What happened?”, Johnny whispered under his breath, his eyes still fixating on the girl's neck.

Taeyong took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, waiting for his rage to pass. He looked at Jaehyun, who was now standing in the corner of the room, his eyes on Ava as well. He could see the shock covering his face now.

“I found her in the woods.”, Taeyong answered and looked down at Johnny, who started to shake. He put a firm hand on his shoulder, trying to distract him from his urges, “I don't know who attacked her.”, he added, his eyes focusing on her chest and heartbeat, which was getting weaker with any second passing by.

“She's dying.”, Johnny whispered under his breath in pain and strain, his eyes still glued to the girl in front of him. “This is my fault.”, he choked, closing his eyes for a moment.

“It's not your fault.”, Taeyong tried to comfort him, his voice slowly softening.

Taeyong's mind screamed at him, fighting over what he should do next. He felt like his chest got pressed together, barely able to breathe. But he couldn't show any weakness now. He couldn't allow it. He took a deep breath, letting go of Johnny's shoulder. It was more than enough, that Johnny had to see his emotional outburst before.

“She's dying.”, Johnny repeated, his hands still on hers

Taeyong looked over her face, how her skin now lost every bit of color it had left. Her lips were chapped and blue. He was aware of the fact, that there were only two possible outcomes and he was sure he wouldn't be able to handle both.

“Please, Taeyong, you need to do something.”, he heard Johnny plead, his eyes locking with his for a moment. He saw fear and desperation so clearly in Johnny's eyes, it felt like something hit him right in the stomach. Taeyong hesitated for another second before he walked up to stand behind her head.

Taeyong looked down at her once more, his fingers now carefully stroking over her dirt-covered hair. He pressed his eyes together before burying his fangs in his wrist, biting down until the thick, dark red blood ran down his skin, feeling how Johnny watched his movements closely.

He knew it was wrong to take the decision from her, to put this life on her but at least it was a life. He took another breath, whispering a soft “I’m so sorry” before putting his bleeding wrist on her opened lips, letting his blood run into her mouth just before she took her last breath and started her transition.

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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hey Steph! I wanted to know if you knew of any fics that dealt with the topic of consent, and very explicit consent, and not even necessarily for sex, but just, explicit consent and conversations of boundaries in a relationship. "hay can I kiss you? it's ok if I hold your hand? can I hold your hand when we're outside?" people talking boundaries, that type of thing... you know anything like that?

Hey Nonny!!

You know, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I do, but I didn’t have the foresight to pre-tag all of them as I read them, so I can’t give you ALL of the ones I have in my bookmarks, but I can definitely give you the fics I do have tagged with “Consent” or “Negotiation”, so I hope that’s okay!!

If any of my Lovelies have any that they remember or have their own fics, PLEASE add them!!

CONSENT AND RELATIONSHIP NEGOTIATION

Personal Space by probablyquantum (T, 1,814 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Cuddles, Nightmares, Awkwardness) – John and Sherlock renegotiate the rules governing personal space. Pre-Slash.

Husband by jinglebell (E, 2,003 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff, Toplock) – Sherlock orgasms when John refers to him as ‘husband’.

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w., 1 Ch. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

Perfect Solo by Itsallfine (E, 2,384 w., 1 Ch., || PWP, Solo Kink, Fantasy, Pining, Dirty Talk, Sex Toys) – Sherlock couldn’t decide how he wanted to have John that night. (The one where Sherlock uses his box of sex toys to take himself apart in every way John might have him.)

Everything by patternofdefiance (E, 4,409 w., 1 Ch. || Snuggles and Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Vulnerable Sherlock) – John wakes up with an armful of Sherlock. This – situation – is unusual, yes, and definitely unfamiliar, but in no way does it feel wrong. Rather, it feels the exact opposite. Part 13 of I Blame Tumblr

Uninhibited by 221b_hound (M, 4,293 w., 1 Ch. || Bathing/Washing, Naked Cuddling, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Big Brother Mycroft, Relationship Negotiation, Massage, Sherlock Has a Low Libido, Pet Names) – Sherlock and John have been apart for the first time since Sherlock returned from the dead. Neither of them has had a good day. John’s gets worse when Mycroft comes to Baker Street in Sherlock’s absence to warn John Watson against disappointing his brother by expecting things to change. Mycroft has misjudged things rather badly. But finally he sods off and leaves John and Sherlock to reconnect, to give and receive comfort, and show each other that they are, indeed, perfectly matched. Part 15 of Unkissed

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

The doctor is in by PlainJane (E, 7,581 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist, Anal, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong… Part 1 of Doctors and detectives

Caves in the Mountains Are Seldom Unoccupied by starrysummernights & TheMadKatter13 (E, 7,925 w., 1 Ch. || Were-Creatures, Werebear John, Pseudo Bestiality, Rimming, Dub Con, Rough Sex, Come Inflation / Eating, Size Kink, PWP, Bratty Sherlock, Rutting) – “This isn’t something to play at, Sherlock,” he snapped. “If it doesn’t work out- what you’re asking of me- we can’t shrug and say ‘oh well, at least we tried’. If we do this… I could seriously hurt you. Do you understand? I could lose control. I could… I could kill you.” (This one is… REALLY REALLY kinky, heavy dub-con warning)

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

Evening Ride by LapisLazuli (E, 8,632 w., 1 Ch. || Public Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Humiliation Kink, Groping, Frottage, Consent Issues, Come Play) – John has a series of unexpected meetings with a stranger on the Tube.

C. sapiens by patternofdefiance (E, 8,813 w., 1 Ch. || Tentacles Porn, Magical Realism, Bottomlock, Anal / Tentacle Sex, Pheremones) – “A few weeks ago I would have thought you were impossible,” Sherlock begins, walking into the kitchen in his blue robe, and John – not quite catching on – wants to scoff and argue, No, actually, you are impossible, but then Sherlock continues: “But now I’d say you are improbable.” John thinks this might be flattering, if he could wrap his head around it, but he can’t – Sherlock is standing near, steaming his sun-baked-clean-sand smell, like the beach after rain, an alive smell, an other smell. It’s intoxicating, and John has been studiously avoiding it, but he can’t shift away now it’s so near. Now Sherlock’s so near. And then Sherlock ruins the probable-loveliness of his words and the definite-beauty of his presence by saying: “And by ‘improbable’ I mean ‘not yet scientifically acknowledged.’” Part 1 of Gifts from the Sea

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w., 1 Ch. || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time, Anal, Fleeting Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewolf and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world’s only consulting detective will be on his own once again…or will he?

Lacuna by coloredink (E, 15,607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Consent Issues, Drama, Amnesia) – God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (E, 81,665 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Talk, Threesomes, Light Dom/Sub, Sex Club, Experiments, Anal, Mildly Dubious Consent) – They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John “Five Oceans” Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – “For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #consent #relationship negotiation #Anonymous

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lozzypoz321 · 4 years

Text

Steve Rogers| Shopping

Stevexchild!reader

(This chapters related to the 'Steve Rogers| Stutter' but it isn't exactly a sequel)

"I'm going out to get groceries, anyone wanna come?" Steve asked the room from the steps. "Yeah I'll come" Bucky answered and stood up, "c- c- can I g- go t- t- t- too?" (Y/N) asked and looked up from the video game she was watching Peter play. "Yeah, come on Princess"

The girl pushed herself up and joined them at the elevator ready to leave. "D- do you have t- t- t- the li- list?" She stuttered then reached up to hold her fathers hand to steady herself, not really liking heights and being in a glass elevator wasn't really helping.

"Yeah I've got it" he reassured, pointing to his pocket with the hand that wasn't holding a hand. "Better not get mine messed up" Bucky threatened to his friend but in a joking manner. (Y/N) looked out of the window apprehensively, feeling sick but got pulled out of her thoughts when her hand got squeezed comfortingly, looking up she saw her father smiling down at her.

"It's okay маленький солдат" Bucky assured from near the door while they headed down (little soldier). When they finally reached the ground floor all three of them exited the elevator, "a- a- a- are w- we walking?" The girl asked, to which Steve nodded his head and Bucky chuckled, humorously thinking of how long it's going to take them to get there with (Y/N).

"H- hey!" She defended herself, almost reading her godfathers thoughts "I- I- I'm not t- t- t- that sl- slow"

"Yeah you are"

Bucky was right, it took them ages to get around the corner, so long that Steve just decided to pick his daughter up and place her on his shoulders.

"W- w- w- what are w- w- we g- getting?"

"Whatever it says on the list, you want to hold it (Y/N)?" Steve asked and offered the piece of paper to her, she nodded after thinking about it for a second and gently grabbed it.

List

Food- Tony

Wine- T.S

Beer- Your local billionaire

More wine- The best avenger

Pop tarts- Thor son of Odin, god of thunder

Jelly babies- Peter Parker :)

Orange Juice please. Suggested by Bruce

A voucher to get rid of these idiots- Nat

Bird seed- Clint

Energy drinks- Pietro

Coffee- Nat

Milk- S.R

Cheerios for (Y/N)- S.R

Sausages- Clint

20 Plums- Bucky Barnes

Sushi- (Y/N)

Pringles- (Y/N)

Pot noodle- Vision

Lemonade for (Y/N)- S.R

Popcorn- Wanda

TEA SIS- Peter :)

"T- t- t- this is a- a weird l- l- list" (Y/N) commented after scanning it but then added on "n- n- no d- disrespect to a- a- any of t- them t- though"

"We still have to get all of it" Steve told them both and picked up her the hand again so she wouldn't get lost in the many isles of the supermarket. "What first?" Bucky asked her then shoved his hands in his pocket, already slightly bored. "E- erm T- T- T- Tony p- put down F- F- Food"

"Next" Steve said, rolling his eyes at the billionaires 'humour', "H- h- h- he also p- p- put W- W- Wine". Steve once again rolled his eyes and Bucky huffed in annoyance, "ya know what (Y/N) let's just skip Tony's for now shall we, what's next?"

"T- T- Thor want's p- p- p- p- p- p-" Bucky looked over her shoulder as she struggled and helped her out "Pop tarts". "y- y- yeah, thanks”

So the three ventured over to the breakfast/ snack isle and picked up the pop tarts for the god then got Jelly Babies for Peter and Orange Juice for Bruce. Steve told (Y/N) to go get Pot noodles for Vision then to come straight back back to them, that would have happened but once she'd got the noodles the girl could no longer find her way back to her dad and godfather.

After 5 minutes Steve started to panic that she'd been kidnapped and once he shared that idea with Bucky he also started to fear the same thing. "Oh my god! I've lost her!" Steve ranted and paced up an down the empty isle "She's my daughter and I've lost her!"

The father got taken out of his thoughts when a sudden yelling was heard from the other side of the supermarket "D- D- Dad! U- Uncle Buck!", so immediately their instincts kicked in and they both ran to where the voice had come from. When the two best friends caught sight of the girl, Steve sighed in relief and Bucky said "Jesus Christ". Steve went up to his nearly kidnapped daughter, picked her up and hugged her tight.

"God princess don't do that ever again" He whispered then put her down in front of him. "I- I- I- I- I didn't m- m- mean t- to" She stuttered out and gulped nervously, worried she would get yelled at. "No it's okay (Y/N), I know you didn't mean to"

"We just need to get lemonade, popcorn and... Tea sis?" Bucky told them, squinting at the last part. "I've never heard of that brand before" Steve said, then took a second to ponder what it could be, (Y/N) however knew what it was.

"I- I- It isn't a- a br- br- brand" the girl shared to the men, they looked up confused "I- I- I- I- I-". "Deep breaths princess"

"I- I- I- It's an o- online t- t- thing" the girl hardly knew herself but her tagged brother Peter had tried to explain it to her many times. "Right" the two soldiers said uncertainly at the same time, trying to gather their head around what the hell that could mean.

So with that they finished the rest of the shopping trip and gathered at the counter, ready to pay. In the end Steve decided to just get Peter some tea anyway and get Tony one bottle of wine since that's what he wanted so badly.

"Oh and who's this little lady?" The cashier asked kindly and looked in your direction while her hands were scanning all the items. "My daughter" Steve answered proudly "her names (Y/N). (Y/N) say hi"

"H- H- H- Hello" she said, nervously but smiled at the nice lady all the same. "Hello dear" she greeted back, it was weird to Bucky that a stranger was being so nice and welcoming to the three without knowing them at all, so him being paranoid he brought over his goddaughter closer to both of the adults and held her hand incase anything was to happen. "U- U- Uncle B- Buck?"

"Yes возлюбленная?" Bucky asked, looking down at the girl with concern (sweetheart), "w- w- w- what ar- are we h- having f- f- for tea?"

The soldier chuckled, no longer worried that it was something important "Whatever you want ангел" (angel)

"W- w- what d- do you w- w- w- want U- Uncle Buck?" She asked him and raised up her arms so he would pick her up. "I just want what you want кукла" he replied then lifted the young girl up and turned her around so she could cuddle into his chest (doll).

"Awww" the cashier said upon the sight of the two, Steve gently smiled then handed the lady a fifty dollar bill. "I think she's asleep Stevie" He informed his friend.

"Your daughters adorable" the lady added while putting the money into the cash machine making Steve smile yet again, "yeah, she's my everything" the man expressed while Bucky lifted up a bag on the floor with the hand that wasn't carrying his goddaughter.

"Nice to meet you but we best be going" Steve told her and grabbed the remaining bags, she smiled at both of them before carrying on with her job. The conversations were a lot quicker on the way back without (Y/N), many would have appreciated it but not them. It felt as if it was missing something, you can easily say that they were happy when the conversation was interrupted by "w- w- w- where a- are w- we?"

"We're nearly back at the tower princess, you remember?" Her father asked her and looked over at the girl, concern filling his chest at the thought she may not remember what they'd been doing previously. "Y- y- yeah"

(Y/N) snuggled closer to her uncle, the weather getting to her. "I- I- I'm c- cold"

"We're nearly there now кукла" Bucky told her and gently moved a stand of (Y/H/C) out of her eyes that was visibly bothering her (doll). "D- D- Dad, I'm h- hungry t- too"

"Okay sweetheart, we'll get you some food when we get back, what do you want?"

"Mac and cheese" was all she said with a tired smile on her face which made both the men chuckle. Steve was right, she is his everything.

Written by me. Wattpad; @Lozzypoz321 Tumblr side acc; @padfootbuckster Pinterest; @lozzypoz321

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK 💖

@marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger (if you would like to be added to the tag list, don’t be afraid to ask!)

#steve x child!reader #steve rogers x child!reader #steve rogers daughter #bucky x child!reader

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chosenkeepersworld · 3 years

Text

The Curses We Inherit- Chapter 8

Original Work

Date Posted: July 14, 2021 (Tumblr)

Word count: 1, 097 words

A/N: Work is unbeta'd but I do hope you'll still enjoy reading it. Comments are always appreciated! And if you can't wait to read what happens next, this story is also up on Wattpad (under the username ChosenKeeper0971) but with way more chapters, I appreciate your support there too!

Thank you so much, I hope everyone is having an awesome day and happy reading :)

Masterlist / Part 7

Danika sunk into her seat apprehensively turning her head back and forth as Krysa and Jac argued.

"Are you insane? We're more likely to get lost, we should stick to the main road"

"The main road takes way too long" Jac exclaimed "Going off road would get us there faster because there are less people and honestly the view would be way better"

Jac and Krysa had taken up the driver seat and passenger seat respectively but it did not take long for both girls to start arguing on what path to take.

"The main road is safer" Krysa argued

"We're on a spontaneous trip, we might as well take a spontaneous path" Jac shot back

Krys sighed, shaking her head. She glanced at Danika, who still felt awkward, sitting uncomfortably in the back. The curly blonde's face softened. "We're sorry about the arguing, it happens a lot when we travel together."

"It's true, unfortunately" Jac said, glancing back through the rearview mirror "We'll tone it down, I promise and I'm sorry" she did sound contrite.

The tension in Danika's body slowly left, she gave a small smile "Thanks. So which road are we taking?" she asked leaning forward between the two seats.

Jac and Krysa shared a look before Krysa reached back to hand Danika their map.

"Up to you, girl," Jac said, settling into her seat.

She stared at them quizzically "You guys still use maps?"

"It's Krysa's preference" Jac giggled "She's not too good with technology"

"I'm old fashioned" Krysa laughed "Which is it Dan?"

"Jac" Dan said slowly "How well do you know the spontaneous road?"

Their eyes met in the rearview, Jacqueline grinned widely "I am so glad you asked"

It turns out Jacqueline had not memorized the off-roads as well as Danika thought, but Jac knew it well enough not to take any wrong turns. Krysanthe, despite trusting Jacqueline's sense of direction, was still slightly apprehensive about the road itself.

So the driver at least has some idea on where they were going, the road may not be completely safe but Jacqueline was right about the view. The road they took had a wonderful view of the surrounding nature, in the distance Danika could see the patches of fields and meadows. The road they were on was in a slightly higher area so they could see more small towns in the lower plains.

"Despite how it looks, the island is pretty big" Krysanthe explained, her eyes lighting up "A lot of families have been living on this island for centuries, the original founders started with one kingdom, but the people eventually revolted against the royal family"

"How come?"

"According to the history books, the people were treated horribly, citizens from other kingdoms were treated better and the king at the time was practically a man-child"

"What about the other explanation?" Jac chimed in

Krysa rolled her eyes "I find the alternative absolutely ridiculous" she said "A bedtime story for children"

Danika straightened in her seat "I would like to hear this ridiculous alternative to history" it was probably just a coincidence, right? There was no way it was the same story.

"A witch supposedly cursed the royal family, causing family members to die. Grief and sorrow was constant within the castle, eventually the royal family became negligent, they stopped caring about their people and the more responsible and experienced heirs died off leaving the youngest one to take over so..." Krysa trailed off, leaving Danika to piece together what most likely happened. "I personally don't believe in any of that"

Jacqueline shot a glance at her "What about all that stuff that happened to you as a kid?"

"I was child, I probably just imagined all of it" Krysa replied, waving her hand dismissively

"You mean that's what Rhian told you"

Danika scooted closer, sticking her head between the two seats "Who's Rhian?"

"I'll tell you if you sit properly," Kyrsa said pointedly.

The heiress did as she was told then smiled innocently.

Kyrsanthe rolled her eyes, smiling but complied "Rhian is the closest person I would consider to be my parent. The first few years of my childhood wasn't what one would consider ideal but when Rhian took me in I just knew things would get better. I owe her a lot" Krysa mused "Ironic, considering a lot of what I did yesterday and this morning feels like I've taken advantage of her trust"

"I think you're being too hard on yourself, besides when was the last time you did something on a whim? In university? Three years ago with that guy-"

"We are not going to talk about him!" Danika flinched at the tone of Krysanthe's voice, she never thought the small woman would be capable of producing it. In the short time that the youngest O'Brien knew her Krysa had been professional, a touch too much in Danika's opinion, and controlled but hospitable and kind. Whoever this guy was must really hit a sore spot.

The car fell silent after Krysa's outburst, Jacqueline was uncharacteristically silent, Krysa had worn her sunglasses and put on earphones while Danika continued staring out into their surroundings, distracting herself with the beautiful yet distant sights.

******************

A gas station out in the backroads was not something Danika had expected to find. Yet here they were at-Danika raised her head to read the sign again Stone's Stop.

Jacqueline had claimed that this was the best place to rest up before going on with their trip despite Krysa's look of incredulity. Danika had a few reservations about this place, mainly because the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere and is surrounded by a lot of trees making it look way more sinister than Jac claims. But to be fair, the place was clean and had a decent looking convenience store.

There was a tall and burly man coming out from another building beside the convenience store, wiping his hands on a cloth.

Jacqueline parked the truck beside one of the fuel pumps, the girls got out of the car and Jac grinned as she came forward while the other two lingered behind.

Danika didn't hear what Jacqueline or the man were saying but she could see that they were glad to see each other, both girls began to slowly relax seeing the stranger grin and laugh while talking to their friend.

"I take it you don't know him" the heiress whispered.

Kyrsa shook her head "Jac likes to roam, which usually results into some unusual friendships" she smiled suddenly "It's a lovely of hers, being able to make friends wherever you go"

"Listen I'm sorry for snapping earlier. That topic is particularly-" Krysa paused "difficult to talk about"

"You know it's okay if you don't want to talk about something that you aren't comfortable with" Danika said as she squeezed Krysa's arm "But Jac deserves the apology, not really me"

Krysa squeezed Danika back.

Jac walked back to them still smiling "Alrighty ladies get whatever you need from the store. I'll fill her up then we'll get going"

"I'll catch up," Krysa told Danika.

Danika grinned as the florist turned to speak with their friend then to make her way to the convenience store. Taglist: @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @woodhousejay @dustylovelyrun

#writeblr #original story #original writing #creative writing #writing wip #unbeta'd #The Curses We Inherit #The Curses We Inherit Ch 8

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holdmyhopeinyourhands · 4 years

Text

Hypocrisy & My F1 Experience

I wish feelings were easier to sort out. I wish it was easier to be morally on the right track all the time. I wish I could make a judgement call and stick to it. I wish it was easy to say you dislike a celebrity, athlete, any person in public limelight after they've done something controversial (and by controversial I mean something wrong/cruel/inexcusable etc etc) just like that. Click of the finger and any postive feelings towards them turns to the opposite. I guess I hate how not simple it is to turn away from someone you don't know in real life, someone who turns out to be problematic but you still like them because "media" makes them seem more likable than they probably are.

Getting into formula one was both amazing and really terrible for me. I love the sport now, love the fans, love the whole atmosphere. But I'm so conflicted about some of the drivers. It was easier to pass a judgement call on them all when I knew nothing? Like it was so much simpler to hear that they weren't kneeling and automatically know I should dislike them. Easy to seperate them from the good ones. I especially as a black woman was so annoyed and disappointed with them but also... not surprised? I was feeling more resigned then anything else. Because, what else was I supposed to expect from rich, privalaged people who probably never ever had to fear for their lives like black people and other minorities do.

And then I watch videos and clips of my favorite drivers. The ones I'm proud of for taking the knee for blm. The ones who used their actions to speak up against racism. The ones who stood united with the only black driver there. I watched videos of them to just enjoy their personalities, but then, there they are, the ones who are controversial. The ones who don't kneel, the ones I rightfully deem problematic for their casual inaction against racism and.... they look so human? So normal? Like they aren't evil or bad or terrible. They don't do things that upset me. They make me laugh and they are endearing and sweet and they are funny and kind and..... suddenly I find myself trying to make excuses for them. I watch them pull pranks and take part in jokes and suddenly my righteous disappointment is crumbling and I'm here scrambling for any and all reasons to explain away their problematic behaviour.

It's kind of terrifying. How we're all so desperate to excuse away problematic behaviour of people who could give less than two shits about us. How easy it is to fall into the trap of acceptance. How we're willing to hold certain people accountable because "we don't like them" while we harshly judge the others, not because their crimes are any bigger, but because we already disliked them enough to simply logically turn away from them.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that life is life. It's not simple. It's not easy. And I wish I could just fix all my emotions and feelings with cold hard facts. I wish I could hate these strangers for the damning things they've done equally. I wish hypocrisy wasn't so intertwined with my emotions. Ugh, this bothers me so much and there is probably not an easy way to solve it and honestly, tumblr fans are so strict on that line I'm pretty sure no one even voices this.

And honestly, I'm not saying it's fine to like problematic people or that it's ok to excuse away their behaviour. Or make it out to be "not a big deal" when it clearly is. I just wish human emotions were much more simpler and easier to manage.

Eventually I'm pretty sure I'll reach a point where I can neatly put everything into these tiny boxes that seperate the good things from the bad. But for now, I'm just gonna stumble my way through my hypocracy and hope I come out on the other side of this a little bit wiser.

#formula 1 #f1 #racism #hypocrisy #I'm out here trying to sort out my feelings in public #don't mind me #f1 drivers #blm #i thought as a black woman i would be stronger than this #but alas here i am #being all kinds of conflicted #yikes

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strangergrove · 4 years

Text

× VOL 002 × 05.02.2020 ×

TUMBLR | @pretty-bratty AO3 | prettybratty

× Baby Can You See Through the Tears ×

SERIES: Baby Can You See Through the Tears

CHAPTERS: 11/?

WORD COUNT: 60,811

There are a few things that Billy knows about Steve Harrington. Not a single one of them explains Harrington's weird as fuck behavior lately.

(or, when Steve acts out, it's apparently up to Billy to fix it, even if he doesn't know it himself yet).

Pretty-bratty weaves a beautifully cathartic story of desperation and release, of loneliness and compassion, of found family, of love. The story unfolds from Billy's POV, which allows us to see first-hand the struggles he experiences as he tries to improve himself and become someone Steve can not only trust and feel protected by, but someone he can count on to give him the structure and discipline he's been desperately lacking his entire life. Billy struggles with his feelings for Steve, with voicing them. At the same time, Steve struggles with learning to trust and obey and let someone actually take care of him for once, because even though that's all he craves, it's been ingrained into him that it's not okay to want that, to need that.

The story and characters are wonderful, but the writing itself is beautiful too. There are moments, lines, that just strike you and you have to reread them. There are pokets of stardust woven into the fabric of the story and it's such a delight every time you come across one. The whole fic is a delight. I look forward to every single update of this story.

× This aesthetic piece ×

FICLET

A short and stunning piece about the way the world seems to glow at every edge when you're madly in love with someone the way Billy is with Steve.

The writing here is just so beautiful and sensory. Reading it feels like looking through old Polaroids and reminiscing about those golden moments you had forgotten about. There's something in the way the words are woven together that feels good, sounds good in my head. It's sweet and fizzy and you want to envelop yourself in the feel of it. It feels like it could be a scene from an incredibly heart warming movie.

× This piece ×

FICLET

This piece is about lingering pain, about the way things haunt us, about how sometimes it's just best to show you're hurting.

I love the way Steve's life presses at the edges of this story. We know the things he's been through, we know about his absentee parents, but most of the people in his life don't. You can feel the way this pulls at Steve, how everything in his life is constantly weighing on him. The way we're told that Steve has a particular phrase set on repeat in his head, but we're not privy to this phrase immediately is a great tool, because the suspense of what has been grinding through Steve's head parallels beautifully with the pressure building beneath his skin. We get that release at the same time as Steve.

TUMBLR | @greyspilot AO3 | greyspilot

× objects in the mirror are closer than they appear ×

WORD COUNT: 2,334

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Steve wasn’t scared of much anymore, but as he tip-toed through the woods, dead silent aside from the crunch of leaves beneath his feet, he couldn’t seem to help the chill that crept up his spine.

Reposted for Horrorscopes round 1.

This story is the kind of horror that you can feel but you can't see. It creeps on you, slowly, latching onto you with invisible hooks. I got chills twice while reading this. The suspense, the anticipation crawls through the story in just the right way, and the pacing is spot on. We feel the dread building, the sense of wrongness growing more intense with every line. We know. We know something is wrong, off, and we can't do anything about it.

The use of single sentence paragraphs in key areas of the story drives it in such a way you can feel everything beginning to spiral out of control. One of my favourite tools used in this wonderful piece is the mirroring of the beginning at the end. You see these lines in a different way, in a haunting way. It's a lovely dip into Harringrove horror.

× i'm falling again (but this time it's in love with you) ×

WORD COUNT: 3,453

CHAPTERS: 1/1

All he knew was that one moment he was out at the quarry, beer in hand and Billy by his side and the next he was wondering if Billy’s eyes had always been that blue, if his skin had always been that warm, if Steve had always wanted to kiss him.

He hadn’t even really had time to process it before he fucked it all up.

There is a special kind of ache resonating through the entirety of this piece. It's in the way both boys are hurting so keenly. It's in the way neither of them are able to find the words to mend themselves, to mend each other. It's in the beautiful, delicate golden thread of hope woven between them, a thread that has since snapped. You can feel the ache, right there between the beautifully sculpted sentences.

The story drops you right in, forcing you to find your bearings as Steve is finding his. Everything feels certain and yet uncertain at the same time. You're left to suss out what went wrong, what's happening now, why everything feels hopeless, like it's too late to fix things.

× for him. ×

WORD COUNT: 840

CHAPTERS: 1/1

words aren’t something he’s good at (especially those words; he was never taught to say them), but steve needs to hear it, so billy would learn to say it. for him.

This piece is short and sweet, but there are a lot of things that aren't explicitly said, things we see in the thoughts and actions of our sweet boys. Steve's insecurities are so grounded in everything we know about him, in things we may not actively consider. Steve's entire life, he's always occupied a position that has led, in some form or another, to emotional dissatisfaction. So who could blame him for assuming the same of Billy? And Billy's entire life, well, when your mother tells you she loves you before abandoning you, how can you put much stock in those kinds of words? This beautiful piece explores the way these two types of thinking can clash, how they affect not only the person they belong to, but the person closest to them.

TUMBLR | @saltstuck AO3 | saltstuck

× cravings ×

WORD COUNT: 1,585

CHAPTERS: 1/1

“I bet you can’t go a week without smoking,” she’d said.

“Bet you a month of rides to the arcade that you lose,” she’d said.

and Billy, like a fucking idiot, had scoffed, said, “A month of zero rides when I win or no deal.”

Yeah, real smart, Hargrove. Real smart.

Hasn’t even been a full day and he’s ready to throw in the fucking towel. Fuck this bet, fuck his pride, and fuck Maxine.

God, he wants a fucking cigarette.

This piece has a very nostalgic feel to it, like coming home after a summer away. Billy and Steve are so in-character it's like watching a deleted scene, one that we should have gotten, one that we deserve, that the boys deserved. Billy's on edge, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, and you feel it. You feel the itch beneath his skin, the little twitches, the craving.

The shift from one craving to another is exquisite. It feels natural and right and pulls the reader right along, to exactly where they want to go, to where that fix is.

× magnets ×

WORD COUNT: 939

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Steve knew it when he struck. He knew it by the crack of laughter bursting in the echo, when his lip split bloody under Billy’s fist, when porcelain shattered on bone and tile. Bathed in Billy’s brutality, he knew.

They were the same.

The calculation and manipulation in this story is subtle, it's its own artform. You can feel it slithering through the text, guiding an unwitting Billy along. There's a fantastic play here between caring and wanting to help, wanting to fix things, and wanting to fix the right things, or perhaps they're actually the wrong things, and put things back in places maybe they didn't go before, but places they fit so well.

× strangers in the city ×

WORD COUNT: 1,734

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Billy misses his Camaro, yeah, but the perpetually exhausted pretty boy he gets to stare at every day on the bus makes up for it.

AKA Steve needs his coffee and Billy can't keep his eyes off of him.

I absolutely adore this story. I've read it a few times since it was first posted and I smile ever time I reread it. The tone of the story is very much Billy, with its matter-of-factness and spunky attitude. It has the feel of Billy telling someone the story of how he met the love of his life.

One of the things I love most about this story is how natural and real it feels. We crush on people and it usually doesn't go the way we want, even for someone like Billy Hargrove. Things can get messy or weird, and it's no different for these boys. I love getting the opportunity to watch them try to work things out when things don't go according to plan.

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