#I never watched spn and real talk this is shit that they did this

[boywifesammy]

s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.

(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)

like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.

as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.

just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.

and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.

on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.

also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.

expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.

and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.

they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.

the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.

#oc #supernatural #spn meta #episode analysis #spn 5x11 sam interrupted #sam and autonomy #dean winchester #sam winchester #tw ptsd #tw sui talk #tw sa #tw drugs #hello :) #tagging triggers because this one is a bit of a doozy #i went a little bit crazy watching this episode could you tell #i am very sorry to dump my ramblings on your dash but HEAR ME OUT HERE— #anyways. ANYWAYS.

[laf-outloud]

I hope it's okay to vent to you about this.

I am in disbelief. I didn't like it when Jensen said to "hate watch" the show or added in the would-be gaslighting line of "were you ever a real SPN fan in the first place?" I didn't care for how overgrown frat boy and egotistical ass he came across as in the MR podcast last year, especially about Jessica Alba. It just reeked of misogyny and typical toxic male performativity. But this "Suck it" takes the cake for me. Talk about an eye opener. How extremely unprofessional and petty.

Obviously, there's no video to watch to give context this time around but I'm thinking he knows that (based on the rules enforced there) and he has his wife with him and a room full of asskissers so he felt incredibly comfortable and said "fuck it" and said what he wanted to say when asked.

I was never an anti per se, of him or the show, but I did have criticisms of both (like so many others) and they were all legitimate. Despite that, I still gave the show a chance and it was appallingly bad. Even his Dean voiceovers were terrible (not once did it sound like Dean). And the thing with AU story telling is, you can't leave the full exposition until the end of a season (or movie) without some build-up. Even if they were completely full of shit and they came up with that in the 11th hour near the finale, they easily could have gone the route of "that's why there's so many things off about this universe like Carlos' hair trick and not sounding like Dean in the voiceovers and the Akrida" and it still would have been a better explanation than "suck it" and "everyone else has an AU multiverse, why not us?" (I guess people weren't wrong when they said he's desperate to be in the Marvel franchise or at least have a career comparable to RDJ). It makes no sense to leave that full exposition until the end (and they know it) because it negates any true interest and investment that an audience would have had in the ensemble cast that had been set up in the pilot, and in their universe and story line. By doing that in the end, it essentially did make it "The Dean Show". I don't have an issue with Dean being the person to pull the strings, but make it make sense; this is basic story crafting 101 for crying out loud.

The amount of vanity and smugness and overall ego that he is displaying right now is very off putting. The signs have all been there for the last couple of years, especially in this last year, but I still kept thinking "well, I don't necessarily have to be in love with him or up his ass to enjoy the work he puts out, he still played Dean for 15 years and I love Dean" but now, this really just puts me off of him for good. I have no desire to root for him or have any more interest to see what he's up to or even to see what asinine thing he says at the next con.

As much as I like Jared, when prequelgate happened, I stayed out of the ensuing drama. I could empathize with Jared, having been in a sort of similar situation myself (meaning I had taken to social media in the past, reacting to something that hurt me and making it public, and things snowballed from there) and I thought "the guy's human, why can't people understand that, he reacted to something that hurt him and caught him off guard, why hate on him, especially since he and Jensen talked it out so why continue the drama bullshit". I didn't agree with those defending Jensen by saying he didn't know about the announcement until it happened a few minutes prior, but I still loved J2 basically. But wow, Jensen has really gone further downhill in this past year alone, and I think it's abundantly clear that the reason he looks so miserable lately and appears to be drinking so much (I mean how many photos have we seen of this man in a social setting where he has a drink or can or bottle in his hand?) is maybe what others have said, he really cannot handle the reality check of realizing that not everyone kisses his ass. That not everyone accepted his show with open arms. That his name and persona weren't enough to ensure immediate success. That he wasn't thought of as the best producer ever. And if Danneel really does look at anti blogs, which there seems to be good evidence for especially since she mentioned Tumblr at NYCC all on her own, then I wonder how much she either showed him or made him aware of, especially since they now were both "producing" their own show and were most likely being told what the reactions were to TW (which is even more evidenced by Drake's explanation of the writers constantly changing the episode arcs in response to the feedback from fans and criticisms alike).

And the thing is, Jensen can sit there and tell himself that it was prequelgate or people bitching about canon issues, but the ratings speak for themselves. And even more so, the fact that additional producers were brought in, stunt casting had to be relied on, negative press (dislikes, comments, poll results) had to be requested to be removed, reshoots had to be done, the lack of promotion by said "original producers" (who expected their names to be enough to sell it but didn't bank on reinforcing that with engagement?), the finale not being turned into the network until 2 days before airing (and admitting that publicly) - all of this speaks to just how poorly this show was produced and a real leader (in any industry) automatically knows that it all starts with the top. That's what separates a leader from a boss (as you aptly pointed out in an earlier post of yours when highlighting the difference between Jared and Jensen in the EP roles). To echo your earlier sentiments, a boss is a guy who sits on his ass while the employees they hired do all of the back breaking work. They're only there to reinforce their title, "be the face" of the company, and collect all of the profits. Leaders dig in and get their hands dirty alongside their employees. They provide support where it's needed (like say the restaurant industry for example) and they do whatever it takes to turn out a successful product or service. Leaders even have a different type of mindset compared to bosses. Leaders want to flood the harbor to lift all of the boats at the same time so everyone will be successful which helps the end result; bosses only want their boat rising while all of the others stay below. And it's pretty sad to say that Jensen has now proven himself to be the latter. Telling your young cast not to "fuck it up" and explaining to one of your leads how to stand to appear taller on camera (the same young actress you seem to have a preoccupation with that gives off seriously creepy vibes - filming her while she's singing at SNS on your phone that people actually saw you do? no matter your intentions, that's yuck) in comparison to your other lead isn't being a leader. Admittedly sitting in your car, waiting for fires to put out (which obviously there were a ton and either they knew and didn't care or no one told them but it proves they didn't care enough to have their finger on the pulse because it wouldn't provide them with an immediate cashflow) does not a leader make. They'd already be there with fire extinguisher in hand, at the ready, making sure a fire wouldn't even have a chance to start.

Jensen and Danneel came up with this idea, and I would say Jensen is more responsible here because he got the idea approved, he attached his name to it, he was the one in the show for 15 years, he's obviously the one who expected the most to come from this. (and I still have yet to know what Danneel did other than make a playlist, support Jensen's ego 100%, go along for the EP credit ride, and give some input on the costuming). So that means it all starts with him. He may not like it but that's what a real leader would realize. If your project fails, it's not on your cast/employees or your union workers/crew or even your manager/showrunner; it's on you. You set the tone (as he and Jared both have stated time and time again, EP's, directors, and lead actors set the tones on sets). It's your production company (no matter how you got it). It's on you, pal.

This is very disappointing and a little disheartening if I"m honest. It looks as if those who said he was a selfish, greedy, lying, egotistical son of a bitch were right all along. And some people can blame his wife or her influence, but this appears to be all him, which makes me wonder just exactly what she deals with on a daily basis and what we don't see or hear. Not giving her a pass on her own behaviors but it does make me wonder, especially if he's this narcissistic. Either way, it's just sad.

Thanks for letting me get that out. I was so incredibly disappointed and frustrated with some of his reported comments. Ugh. Hope the rest of your night goes well!

Of course you can vent to me! I hope it helped you to write it all down and share.

I really can't add much else to what you've written. I think you've outlined just about every thought I've had about this whole debacle since it started. I was like you, initially. I didn't want to get involved in the prequel mess and kind of just watched from the sidelines (though I did side with Jared). After it became obvious that there was absolutely no remorse on Jensen's part, I joined in the conversations.

There were occasions when it seemed like maybe Jensen had hit rock-bottom and was ready to return to being the person we thought we knew from SPN, but a week or two later and he'd say or do something arrogant again and it really hasn't stopped. I don't know what rock-bottom looks like for him, I hope he doesn't have to reach that in order to turn things around, and for all we know, he never will. I'm just grateful TW is over and pray that Jensen's obsession with continuing SPN/Dean is over.

On a personal note, it's interesting that you should point out the leader/boss ask (credit to one of my anons for the Boss/Leader differences). My retired director texted me today looking for travel advice and your post reminded me of what a great director she was. She always got involved in the nitty-gritty of what we were doing, she respected us and our ideas, frequently asked our advice (even though we knew the final decision was hers), and she knew how to manage getting the job done while still having fun. Her leadership style reminds me a lot of how people describe Jared's. (She and her husband even showed up on a Saturday to help me move to my new house!) If you ever find yourself working with a fantastic leader, stick with them. They don't come around that often.

Thank you for sending in your thoughts! I truly enjoyed reading them and found myself nodding along quite frequently. I hope you have an enjoyable day/evening as well!

#ask box #completely agree with anon #anti jensen #prequelgate #insecure jensen #anti jensen's ego #anti danneel #long post

[prettyflyshyguy]

Alright Season 3 lets give it up for season 3 everyone.

Cannot believe this show left me on "How do you know what you brought back it 100% pure Sam?" and I just said to myself

GODDAMN

and then just didn't watch S3E1 for three days

Anyway. Liveblogging spn while I work tonight. We're bringing back the old days where I did this with x files if any of you remember that LMAO

Kicking things off with a bang (and me trying to not post too many rambles about a stupid tv show, so I'm conglomerating my thoughts into big posts instead)

we have S3E1 - The Magnificent Seven

Love this show's deep appreciation for full black contact lenses MWAH

cheffs kiss

Sorry I know I should be focusing on the evil demon smoke going to infect whatever city this is but like. Do you guys actually genuinely have flags out the front of your houses like this for real

Like really. Do your houses really have flags like that.

OH YEAH BABEY SEASON 3 GOT AN INTRO STING GRAPHICAL UPDATE!!!!!!!!!! NICE

He is SO concerned

No one is giving me practical effects like this show is and I'm living for this

I WISH there was more of a scene in australia cause god I'd work as a prop maker for a living if it was a viable career to do more horror aligned stuff here.

They've spiced up the camera work this season and it is FUN!!!!

These two are great I hope they're gonna be regular supporting characters PLEASE

Highly entertaining seeing Dean's superpower of "Flirt with woman successfully" actually used as a utility (bonus points because it's making him uncomfortable)

RARE HAT-LESS BOBBY SPOTTED

Oh.

Absolutely visceral death, but a real damn shame because these two were cool :(

This show has no right just putting jokes like this right after a scene like THAT.

These dickheads are far too fun to be a one off PLEASE

Australian chanting

FOIGHT FOIGHT FOIGHT FOIGHT FOIGHT!!!!!!!!

Alright that was a fun way to start a season. Nice recap. I get it. It'dved been a while since it last aired. I like shitty pissed off Sam a LOT.

Are you tired of being nice Sam? Don't you just want to go apeshit?

Round 2 Electric Boogaloo with S3E2 - The Kids are Alright

Starting strong once again with a callback to Victorian worksafe ads!!

(Victorians know.)

Love that Sam inherited NONE of the lying genes in the family

I'm sorry you cant make the comment "as many as I can squeeze out" (EUPHAMISM) and then immediately smack me in the face with a fucking GUMBY REFERENCE?????!!!!!!!!!

Fuck off I hate this show. Fuck you dean you stupid piece of shit

A FUCKING

GUMBY REFERENCE (how many of you know what that is LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Look I get it, I do, but c'mon he looks so fucking awkward getting cake while these two women are talking about the explicit details of his prior intimate experience with Lisa from 8 years ago

Like what the fuck did they DO to illicit a reaction as intense as these two women are giving

No I will not suspend my disbelief for the running gag No I'm not taking this too literally NO i don't have a problem with interpreting jokes

The closeup of Dean's face as his brain was doing the dialup tone killed me, then immediately PANIC but don't drop the cake (SAME)

Anyway. Lisa I love you. You're amazing. Please be done justice by this show. Please.

Need you all to know I go through hell (HAR HAR) to watch this show

And I thought my conversations in cafes sounded unhinged to bystanders (LITERALLY had some old dude tell me and a friend we were weirdos as we minded our own business drawing horror art in a cafe hgakjrhgkagh)

HATE that my brain just went "NOT THE SARAN WRAP SKIN" (we don't call it that. Next I'll start pronouncing things more wrong than I already do)

Not the white DS Lite!!!!!!!!

Remember this kid you bullied in highschool? This is them now

Oh this show doesn't pull punches and it has some NICE shots

Anyway bye Lisa I love you I hope you come back soon :(

the running gag of bizarre interior décor hotel room never ceases to entertain me, I'm like a small child

Anyway

ran out of room for more images on this post so. Who knows maybe I'll fuck off or I'll do a part 2 tonight we'll see

#shy talks #not art #shy liveblogs spn

[fuzzyflowers22]

SPN Rewatch

“Bloodlust”

Okay…I do think Dean and Gordon are flirting but like…only low key.

Also Sam like.. you hunt vampires. You decapitate vampires. You came here to kill monsters. And now…you don’t want to? Or you just want to judge? Sam has killed a LOT of monsters. And I’m talking about early in this episode when they first save Gordon. At this point Sam has no reason to dislike him other than that it seems like Gordon likes dean more.

Sam you seem super homophobic right now.

In a “he’s trying to steal my brother because I cannot comprehend the idea of gay people” kinda way.

He’s acting very “if I’m not the center of attention then clearly this person is evil”

That is actually a very sad story Dean. Being 16 and thinking about how fucked up your life is to the point where you give up on having a normal one. Also I don’t really think he was gonna say embrace the life. Either way it’s fucked up.

Seriously like…we know what’s gonna happen. But Sam has no reason to suspect Gordon. WE know what he’s gonna do. But Sam doesn’t. So why tf is Sam so against him?

mayhaps racism.

Dean using Sam as a scapegoat there because we know he’s thinking about Johns orders to kill Sam. How his life it NOT black and white no matter how much he might wish it was.

I’m sorry but it’s hard not to laugh when Sam says Gordon’s filling up deans hole. 😂😂😂

Also does Gordon really seem like a John substitute? I didn’t get those vibes at all? To me him and dean feel like dean needing someone to vent to. But that’s pretty much it.

Interesting note at the beginning about how John never told them about other hunters. It’s really weird because why wouldn’t he? Why would John leave them in the dark about hunting culture and connections and shit?

I like how this episode introduces the concept that the supernatural world can be more than just hunters and hunted. I especially like how that concept is used in the winchesters.

Ah. Okay so Gordon’s purpose is to scare dean. He is what Dean could be. What he doesn’t want to be. Someone who kills their sibling when they become a monster.

People always try to divide dean with shit like “you’re a killer” “you’re a demon freak” etc. etc. but the real divide is that dean is funny. And Sam is not.

It was very satisfying to watch dean punch Sam in the face.

Sam keeps ruining perfect opportunities to actually talk about the shit John did. Like, here is Dean bringing up a real true flaw in John and how it affects their lives and their past and Sam is just fucking going “he did the best he could” like wtf Sam?!

Sam always complains about dean bottling shit up but here he is trying to talk and Sam is a fucking John apologist who doesn’t give any fucking real advice just some “but you didn’t do it” shit!

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #anti sam winchester

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching I Know What You Did Last Summer

Welcome to “A Nice Smoky Eye Is the Key to Good Mental Health, But There’s Also Nothing Like a Good Defenestration: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

 Up today, s4e9: I Know What You Did Last Summer

 Ruby clues the boys into the case of a young woman who has escaped a psychiatric hospital and who is being hunted by demons. Sam is ready to go check it out, but Dean needs some convincing—he’s still super sus about all things Ruby. When they find the woman, Anna, she tells them she can overhear the angels talking to one another, that this power started the same day Dean escaped hell, and that they think Dean can help them but most of them don’t like Sam at all. Several fights with bad news demons later (and after the revelation that Dean remembers one of them, Alastair, from his time in hell), Sam, Dean, Anna, and Ruby are holed up in a barn when Anna declares “they’re coming” just before Cas Floof Hair and Uriel Shit-Stirrer arrive. Cas declares that Anna must die. Roll credits. Interspersed throughout the episode are flashbacks to Sam’s time alone while Dean was in hell. We learn that Ruby is inhabiting an empty vessel at Sam’s request, that she saved his life, and that they are knocking boots. Dean is very slightly appeased about her, having learned that she saved Sam.

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

[and we begin:]

 Lor:

 god, uriel, you're such a PAIN

 Mace:

 he really really is

Mace:

 ugh. HER.

 Lor:

 lol yep

 tacos

she was trying to warn them about tacos

 Mace:

 SNORK

 amazing how she manages to keep her smoky eyes in the mental hospital

 Lor:

 i love that she says "kind of" when she asks if it's like from the bible

 LOL

 Mace:

 YES

 Lor:

 and that is one hell of a nicely fitted t shirt she has there

 Mace:

 VERY TRUE

i do love a snug v-neck on a gal

 Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 wow, Debbie Downer much?

 Lor:

 LOL

 I LOVE WHEN WE GET TO SEE THEM DO THIS KIND OF THING

 Mace:

 YASYASYASYAS

 Lor:

 oooooh Sam Dean is so maaaad

 Mace:

 “keep the money?!” oh Dean

 Lor:

 I think Dean enjoys DOING the hustle at least as much as he likes the money

 Mace:

 YES

 Lor:

 omg the glare Dean is giving Sam from the background when he asks for the hospital name

 Mace:

 YAS

 Dean gets bitch-facey about Ruby

 Lor:

 okay, Sam is right to be annoyed with him but I'm not sure those stories are on the same level

 he DOES

 Mace:

 Sam is equally bitch-sassy

 yeah

 Lor:

 I do love Sam's various bitchy sassy faces

 Mace:

 ME TOO

 Lor:

 this demon's just summarizing the show

 Mace:

 SNORK!!

 oooh badass Sammy

 Lor:

 YES

I love that slightly unhinged badass thing he does sometimes

 Mace:

 SAME

 these boys and their martyrdom kink for each other

 Lor:

 ah yes, the tried and true muscle building program: waiting behind the door

 YES

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

 “that’s just batty” and the look

 HAHAHA

 Lor:

 "it's a little known translation"

 YES

 Mace:

 SNORK!

 oh Dean’ll find her alright

 Lor:

 LOL

 omg Sammy's sigh like he was afraid of that and yeeep

 Mace:

 RIGHT?!

 that shot with Baby and the church

 Lor:

 I want a scene of the two of them changing clothes in the car

 YES

 Mace:

 omg YES

 Lor:

 DEAN WINCHESTER IS SAVED

 Mace:

 OOOF

 Lor:

 I mean, if the angel cries blood bc of demon presence, that could just be Ruby

 Mace:

 YUP

 Lor:

 stop hitting Dean!

 Mace:

 right?!

 and Dean’s showing the beating which means it’s bad

 Lor:

 omg the jump through the window!

 YES

 Mace:

 YAS

 LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!

 Lor:

 ooof, yep it's bad, we even get the aftermath of fixing up

 Mace:

 oh SAMMY

 YES

those boys need tending to

 Lor:

 they DO

come here, Dean, I will ice your shoulder

 Mace:

 YAS

 Lor:

 I never thought of this before, but if Sam had died while Dean was in hell, presumably he would have gone to heaven and then they would have been separated FOREVER

 Mace:

 oh YOICKS

 Lor:

 right?

thanks, Brain

 Mace:

 except Dean would have found a way out of hell and sammy would have found a way to skip out of heaven to find Dean

 Lor:

 well, yeah

just like there's no way Dean left Cas in the Empty

 Mace:

 YEP

or that Sam just led a long life after Dean dies

 Lor:

 yep

 crappy student, huh?

 Mace:

 HA

 Lor:

 new head canon: Sam did brilliantly in college in everything EXCEPT courses that carried labs. he woulda flunked bio if Jess hadn't helped him

 Mace:

 interesting

 Lor:

 (i mean, we know he wasn't a crappy student)

 Mace:

 (true)

 “hey- i don’t wanna talk about it” Ah, that Winchester sharing

 Lor:

 i mean, like half of his girlfriends have been supernatural already, just go ahead Sam

 Mace:

HAHAHA right?!

 god, his shoulders

 Lor:

 YES

 lol poor Dean

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

 Sam’s concentrate-y/hurty face

 Lor:

 YES

 I'm fond of the neck in the v-neck

 Mace:

 YAS

 Lor:

 "sir, I've got clean towels"

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

 Lor:

 Dean is so confused

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA YES HE IS

 Lor:

 "okay then. moment over?"

 Mace:

 SNORK DEAN

 omg Dean’s SMILE

 Lor:

 omg Sam saying thanks a lot and the look Dean gives him

 Mace:

 YAS

 Lor:

 OMG LOOK AT HIM LOOKIT HIS POOFY HAIR

 Mace:

 CAS!!!

 YAS

 and his stupid beautiful lips

 Lor:

 YAAAS

 oh DANG I FORGOT this was a two parter. and I was not paying ANY attention to how much ep we'd watched

 Mace:

 HAHAHA SAME

 Lor:

 EVIL

that might have been the last ep before the winter hiatus when it aired, too, just based on the ep number. EVIL

 Mace:

 right!?

#watchingspnagain #watchingspnagain 4x09 #spn #supernatural #spn meta #spn spoilers #spn 4x09 #watchingspnagain persist injury #watchingspnagain winchester fine #watchingspnagain angels

[quietwingsinthesky]

I have been tagged by @sugaraddictarchangels! ^-^

Your name: I am Will. Still debating acquiring other names.

Your first fandom(s): HP, but let's not talk about that. The real shit was in the Warriors fandom. I survived wars in there. Cat wars.

Your current fandom(s): Primarily Supernatural. (It's my special interest! I do not have a choice in being here! uwu!) but also, rotating around Mass Effect, Succession, and if Cat succeeds in drawing me back in, I'm gonna end up in my Elder Scrolls phase again.

How did you first get into fandom? Well, you see, I was given far too much unrestricted access to the internet as a child. And I wanted to read Everything.

How long have you been engaging in fandom spaces? Forever? Forever. Long as I can remember, anyway, which to be fair, isn't very long.

How often do you read fanfics? Well, damn, dude, I just set one down to come answer this. (Really though, a lot. Idk I like seeing the blorbos dance. And also I'm still experiencing some burn-out from having to be autistic and in college and such so actual books... no. only blorbo.)

Top three characters from your current fandom(s):

Supernatural: Sam Winchester the most character of all time. Lucifer! Second most character of all time! and rn, Michael. but that third slot is always subject to change. Last week it was Raphael lmao.

Mass Effect: Legion. They're my favorite robot, I want their gender and their name. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, genuinely my favorite teammate and I think she has the best plotline through all three games don't @ me. and hm. hard choice. Joker. Because he is funny. Because his relationship to Shepard is maybe my favorite out of anyone's, even the romance options. (Tiptree + "Anderson told me to take care of you" conversation in my mind always at all times...)

Succession: (okay this is cruel this is actually like asking me to pick a favorite child. but i will.) Shiv my beloved my queen i would die for her. Gerri my other beloved and queen i would also die for her. and Roman, my favorite little guy with everything in the world wrong with him.

Elder Scrolls: Martin Septim & the v specific version of Hero of Kvatch who does mantle Sheogorath, yes, both of them together, they are a set but the point is that they are separated by fate and godhood. and then also Nazeem. because he is funny. I wrote a whole fic about him.

Have you ever written fic for a fandom? YES! someone go read my silly mass effect fic i just wrote i crave attention

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Also yes. I don't post much and what I have I delete later because it's never good enough. i am. hard on my art.

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: sam is queer of sexuality and trans of gender. end of story. (and the reason I feel strongly about this is people who claim he's 'too boring' to be queer. first of all, you're wrong, he's amazing. second of all, you don't earn queerness by being cool. you just are. fandoms stop treating queerness as a reward for some characters and being cishet as a punishment for others challenge.)

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? Depends on the friend. But I stand by that if you want to infect someone with the spn brainworms, give them a copy of john's journal and watch the rot set in.

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? it's all of us sitting around a campfire sharing insane takes.

I am tagging... hm. @godsprettiestprincess, @synesindri, @archangelsammy, @herefortears, @ladyknightskye, @thnks-fr-th-samulet, and anyone else who wants in. :3

#tag game

[scoobydoodean]

I didn't have much interest in the prequel because John and Mary aren't caracteres that I like very much they are badass as hunters but terrible parents ( Jody and Bobby became better parents to the boys). But now I want to start to watch it, because Dean ending was bad and boring, for the members of Team free will only Sam got a decent ending, Dean die young just to writers reaffirm his suicidal tendencies what is a example for fans that dangerous mental health trigger because just show that people with suicidal tendencies can't change mind and choose another will to live. Cas the angel who start the show as a stone cold soldier and turn into someone who understands emotions and even become a father, show his true happiness only to be sucked by the empty and get a name mention in the finale just : hey guys so remember cas? Jack saved him, were is he? Just forgot to tell his family that he is back. And Jack who only is a 3 years old, naive to everything and a being who just wanted to have a family and be accepted becomes the new boss and said: bye boys I won't do shit to you guys anymore, see ya chumps

Jensen really talk to his wife lady and said honey let's get our money power to turn this fanfiction rewrite into a real thing let call the old homies except Jared because if Sam is so happy there so let's just keep him there

Yeah I didn't have any interest in watching it either originally.

I never thought Jackles was going to glorify John and Mary as parents, which I did see a lot of people suggest, but the premise of a show about them didn't appeal to me much. I figured it would house some sort of backdoor escape for Dean because it's obvious Jensen didn't like the finale and had hinted many times about not seeing Dean as dead and bringing him back, but I just intended on following along through the grapevine instead of watching it. However, I kept stumbling upon bronlies (who are, in actuality, very very hardcore Sam stans and J1s who only consider Dean (and often JA) an accessory or a little pet for Sam (JP)). They were being really gross about Dean and how Supernatural is only about Sam, and Dean is just his little pogchamp emote and basically all but saying Jensen isn't allowed to make a show with Dean in it absent Sam because Dean isn't important and only exists to glorify Sam, etc. I got irritated, so I started a countdown 1, 2, 3 and third next post I saw from them being vile little gremlins meant I started watching The Winchesters lol. Then some of the finale spite started coming through and I was invested in figuring out exactly what JA wanted to say with all of it, regardless of whether I'd end up agreeing with him or not.

If you aren't sure if you want to commit to the whole thing or not (not that it's really all that much TV to get through), if your interest is finale spite related, I'd recommend you watch the 9th and 12th episodes.

I actually disagree that Sam got a decent ending in the SPN finale. Of course Dean and other characters got worse endings than Sam did, but the ultimate narrative about Sam painted by the SPN finale is that he is a failure or is deeply, deeply selfish. He was also hamfistedly shoved into a life that he was not interested in anymore, and treated as if that was actually what he wanted all along and Dean had to die for him to get it. (Bronlies don't understand the show, etc). His love interest is replaced with a blurry woman, and his house is devoid of photos of the living except his son who is named after his dead brother. Also that wig was fucking embarrassing as fuck.

I agree about Cas and Jack. I would add about Cas that the finale spit in the face of his sacrifice (and the lack of reunion, even as someone who was never invested in destiel, is absolutely unforgivable to me). I would add about Jack that him ending up as god is extremely disturbing because he and Dean mirrored each other within the trauma of being forced to grow up too fast just to be what other people needed them to be/to survive. To end the show with a three year old who already felt he had to be born as an adult in order to survive, taking on the responsibility of becoming god (and also subsuming and erasing another Dean mirror, Amara, in the process) is repulsive to me.

#spnwin #the winchesters spoilers #mail #spn finale poo poo

[sapphirecherry]

as promised, here is everything i thought while watching the spn pilot drunk:

(edited for clarity and also bc my phone couldn't understand my accent)

oh my jesus small sam and dean

oh my god mary

the blood dripping. the symbolism. oh my god.

"take your brother and go" what if i go feral? what if i go insane? how about that john winchester?

i should definitely not be watching this i'm going to have a stroke. i'm so not normal about these brothers, in fact i'm very much abnormal

oh my god, the original title screen...

i’m so in love with jared padalecki, it’s not even funny

dean

oh no this is way too fast for me

"dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days" *screams*

both right, don’t care. dean is right in that you have to hunt things and save people and sammy is right in that their mother wouldn’t wouldn’t have wanted this for them

i’m gonna throw up for real

"what was he hunting?" that’s my boy sam!

you know i think i’m starting to sober up. this is not good, but it’s also good, but not (i was not in fact sobering up)

how fucking long does it take to complete this pre-law degree for fucks sake

oh my god, the iconic curved sam blade

they're going to jericho california motherfucker

dumb motherfucker

"i can never go home" AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh my god what’s going on?

"for one, they're cassette tapes"

"shotgun shuts his cakehole"

dad’s not dead yet idiots

i’m sorry, no one’s believing you're any kind of federal agent whatsoever

dean slapping the back of sam's head you're so iconic

this whole thing seems so rushed, but i have no idea if it’s because i'm very much under the influence or if it’s actually just kind of shit pacing

hey, let the stanford lawboy do the talking okay, he knows what he’s doing

why can't this text to speech thing, not understand my accent. homophobic.

yay dean gets covered in mud

OMG sam

hate to say it sammy, but dean is correct

sam's kind of real, for that

their voices are so high-pitched

"you smell like a toilet"

sam and his lock picking skills and his dean yanking skills, you will always be famous

fucking woman in white

"no chick flick moments"

"jerk" "bitch"

my teeth feel fuzzy

oh my god, he’s such a slut

did you just say my boobs???

get fucked, get your fucking father’s journal shoved up your arse

coordinates jackass

so excited for the sam bangs™️ to make an appearance. love the curtain bangs, but the bang bangs? forever famous

are you kidding? of course he’s never heard of it.

tragic

ha ha dean winchester 1, police 0

sammy you’re about to get your shit rocked

oh fuck

hey you bitch, get your hands off my husband! my wife!

oh my god, he’s so excited driving straight to the house. i love him please marry me sam winchester

how the fuck has it been 37 minutes already

woman in white you’re so famous, how does it feel to have set up the entire omegaverse?

obsessed with the fact that the winchester brothers look normal sized basically this entire episode because they never stand next to someone that’s actually normal sized

dean so real for that

why is there only one headlight working

no! jess! jessica! love of my life!

what i would give to live with stanford era sam winchester in a small little dorm room

oops, there goes all of his clothes and earthly possessions

he was going to propose!!!!

azazel kill yourself. shoot yourself point-blank between the eyes

"we got work to do"

#this was an experience i think everyone should undertake #i remember none of this #my favourite is when i just say dean and nothing else like so real for that #✩.txt #🗡️

[fandom-hoarder]

Watched the new Walker first thing today. Basically I was mentally yelling at everybody except Mawline this ep.

* I'm really glad to see mawline angry with bonham for telling cordell to move out, cuz wtf. She TOLD him to live there. What about family? I hate when families leave the homestead for no goddamn reason. I hated it on og Charmed and I'll hate it here if they push it through. Bonham needs smacked upside the head.

* why the fuck is cordell so goddamn trusting? This drives me crazy so often but especially rn wtf. She's a REPORTER, Cordi. Can you keep some shit close to the chest? Why is *she* trustworthy???

* there had better be something undercover going on with this trey situation or I'm gonna start BITING after all that "this is where you're supposed to be" (also the whole "had to fight hard for this so don't blow it" and the fact a new black ranger is the one to lose his job on his first fucking dps hearing ever). But im not sure, this could be for real real. Trey did get warned twice about following the orders he was actually given and following CHAIN OF COMMAND

* Liam, you are a lawyer, why do you seem so fucking stupid about legally binding decisions lately?? You're gonna ruin stella's life making her sign on as partner at 18 when you didn't even figure this shit out before getting the fucking charity label!!

* Stella, you need to talk to some DIFFERENT ADULTS ASAP

* i am sus af of julia and kevin

* julia is either in on something or just plain reckless and gonna get cordi in big trouble

* actual "romance" storylines (people becoming couples or shippy and the dynamic changing, rather than building up unspoken tension) really squick me out, and i wasn't fully aware HOW MUCH lately because spn (and merlin, to some degree) catered directly to me. Or maybe the quickness and lack of buildup is the real issue for me. I have no feelings there. It feels like when kids would couple up on recess in elementary school. kevin/cassie was fine cuz I'm sus of him, but im really glad she put her foot down this ep. Stella/colton was cute until it happened. I saw comments about cordell/julia somewhere and gagged cuz it's a possibility with this show! She's pretty, but i don't care!! That's not what i require to care. Meh. At least she's not Geri. I will never get my cordri feelings back because they opened the oven too soon and the souffle of tension deflated so much it sunk in and made a hole

* I'm sus of the whole damn squad and im even sus cordell's mentor isn't dead

* i would really appreciate it if cassie would stop talking rangers into problematic decisions. she doesn't have to stop trying, but it's getting frustrating that NO ONE has conviction to follow orders they've been given for a reason

* idr what else i was gonna say. I need the next ep right now.

#walker #walker spoilers #walker commentary #walker 3x10

[thetruthbetween]

In 'Nic is cranky and Done' news, I see ONE more post about "if you don't like SPN in exactly this way that I like it, you're not a real fan" post, I'ma start blocking bitches

First off, not everyone even ships m/m?! Like god fucking damn.

Secondly, not everyone who doesn't ship wincest does ship destiel, so literally fucking stop with that claim.

Thirdly, people are literally allowed to like things for different reasons?? Without having to put up with being told (directly or indirectly) that they don't "really" like it, holy shit.

Like, yeah, I see the canon. I see how enmeshed Sam and Dean are. I'm aware that if any two characters who did not canonically fuck were going to fuck, it'd most likely be Sam and Dean. I still don't ship it. I still will never ship it.

My reasons? First and foremost, I don't ship m/m. Full stop. I have never shipped m/m. I'm entirely too fucking queer for that, my ships require a minimum of one woman in them. Secondly? I actually fucking hate codependence. I loathe the fact that Sam and Dean are so enmeshed they can't function without each other.

That doesn't mean I don't like the show. I love the show. I've spent the last two and a half years on the show. SPN is my second-highest fic fandom. I've written more fic for SPN than I have for other fandoms I've spent more time in. The only fandom I've written more fic for is one I've been watching for over thirty years and writing for almost 25.

Nobody. NOBODY gets to tell me that I don't like SPN. Fucking nobody.

I may like it differently from the majority of the fandom (both sides of the ship war), and I may dislike the thing that certainly most wincest fans love, but that doesn't mean I dislike the show.

Disliking an aspect of the main characters, no matter how important to the characters or the show as a whole, is not the same as disliking the characters or disliking the show.

Sam and Dean are great. I like their banter, I like their personalities, I like the chemistry that Jared and Jensen have and the way they portray the characters.

I'm also very aware that the show wouldn't work without the codependence. That if Sam and Dean weren't enmeshed, it would be a completely different show and 99% of the plots just wouldn't work at all. I'm not out here trying to change canon. I'm fucking picking out the bits I like and discarding the rest.

Y'know. Like everybody fucking talks about doing. But because I'm discarding a piece that is important to a ship, and because that piece is one that the people against that ship also discard, well I guess that means I'm doing it wrong or whatever.

Fuck off.

And the absolute audacity that multiple people who express this have in also posting about how gatekeeping is bad is absolutely off the goddamn charts.

#anyway so I unfollowed some people that I otherwise greatly enjoy on my dash today #maybe I wouldn't have if I hadn't already been cranky #or maybe if I'd actually reached out to them about it earlier instead of silently stewing in ever-increasing rage #but alas #I am already cranky and I didn't reach out #so here we are #hellers got me with bi dean truthing and misha's general existence #wincesties got me with 'if you don't ship wincest you don't actually like SPN' #I need to find a new fandom #petition for Sam Smith to join a show (any show) as a recurring or regular so I can have a new hyperfixation plz #I'm fucking done with SPN fandom #I'll still reblog pretty pictures and write fic as inspiration hits but I'm done with the people #Nic speaks #Nic speaks in tags #Nic is opinionated #fandom

[castielcommunism]

I’m not sure how to phrase this properly, and I don’t want what I’m about to say to sound completely insane or like I’m making excuses for how violent spn is, but one of the things I struggle with is the level to which the violence in spn should be taken literally - more specifically, the interpersonal violence between the main cast, especially dean v cas and sam v dean, which are the two most common. As in, do we take an instance of them physically attacking one another as literally textual? Did they literally try to kill each other?

And on the surface that sounds like an absurd claim, like those things do quite literally happen on the show and are given a great deal of narrative and visual significance. The plot will grind to a halt to show us this happening (Dean beating up Sam in season 6), or conversely, the plot intentionally leads up to instances of this sort of violence happening (ie the Mark of Cain arc fight between Cas and Dean, or the crypt scene in S8). But I’ve been thinking a lot about this video essay by Jacob Geller, where he talks about the limitations of human language to accurately capture the emotion of specific events or memories. He makes the point that people often exaggerate the things that happen to them when describing the events to other people, usually to give these stories added comedic or dramatic tension. And he argues that storytelling in general is a way of describing the “vibe” of a moment in time, or a common human experience, or even a historical event, but at the expense of literal technical accuracy.

And I think this is true generally, obviously. Fictional stories are far more dramatic and bombastic than real people’s lives. The events that happen in them would very often irrevocably traumatise a person (or straight up kill them), but these characters carry on anyway. Most of the things that happen in books, in shows and movies, and in video games are things people don’t want to happen to them in real life, be they a gunfight or catastrophic familial drama or the loss of a loved one. A lot of the times the things that happen in stories are also impossible in real life, and so exaggeration turns into complete fabrication. But because you are trying to tell a story, emotional consistency, entertainment, and thematic weight are more important that a 100% accurate representation of the thing you’re describing.

So back to spn. The violence in the show is often comically dramatic. You cannot get thrown around and have the shit beaten out of you that frequently and expect to be okay. You cannot go through that amount of trauma and come out the other side a functional human being. You cannot do that many horrible things to your friends and family and expect them to still associate with you. So I think that, beyond adding to the entertainment value of the show (it’s fun to watch people beat the shit out of each other), visually dramatic physical violence is an easy way of communicating tension and conflict to the audience.

And like, that’s a cheap cop-out if that’s the case. There are tons of examples of shows/movies/books/etc creating tension and communicating conflict between characters without resorting to that level of literal “conflict”, but for a cable television show that is meant to be consumed without thinking about it too much, and for one that’s been running as long as spn has, you have to keep reinventing micro-dramas to hook the audience, and the easiest way to show These Guys Have Beef is to make them lash out at each other, even if it’s eye-roll worthy levels of stupid drama, and even if this happening in real life would end in all parties involved never speaking to each other again.

I don’t intend for this post to conclude with “all violence on spn is metaphorical”, because that’s not what I’m arguing. But I think there is a hyper-realistic element to its violence that is not wholly literal. I don’t even think it’s possible to parse, like, okay 40% of it is literally canonical and 60% is metaphorically or symbolically canonical. There’s just a weird grey area it exists in, which makes it hard to situate that violence when trying to unpack and understand these characters. The show itself seems confused about which violence is a literal canonical event and which violence is meant to be dramatic or metaphorical for some larger conflict.

It’s also why I sometimes feel uneasy when people cite the violence on spn as a literal instance of horrible behaviour some character commits, not because I want to deny the reality of the show itself, but because you could not possibly judge these characters as real human beings because they are dramatic caricatures of an ACTUAL human being. They are situated in a narrative that is just as dramatic, ridiculous, and divorced from reality. But by the same token it’s difficult to say that like, oh I dislike the metaphorical “vibes” of this episode or this interaction between cas and dean without grounding it in a literal event that takes place. So I sometimes will agree with a person’s overall argument about a particular event in spn but disagree with the interpretation, taking some events as more literal than metaphorical and vice versa.

Not sure if any of this makes sense lol, but - in short, I think there’s somewhat of a contradiction vis a vis the violence in supernatural, which is meant to be taken simultaneously as both literal and metaphorical. As I said, I think show seems confused about which instance of violence is which, and it often conflates the two, and generally treats them as interchangeable, so it sometimes feels impossible to come to an agreement with people about how to interpret it, even if you’re both operating from the same general understanding and knowledge of the text.

#spn.txt #meta

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You: The Cabin

Summary: Christmas is right around the corner and for their second one together, Jensen plans a surprise for the whole family to celebrate...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Sharing A Bad (SPN Christmas Bingo) & Bed Sharing (SPN Dean Bingo)

Word Count: 3,700ish

Warnings: language, fluff, angst, smut

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnchristmasbingo​ & @spndeanbingo​

________

“Who’s-” you heard before you jumped and shouted in your office chair, spinning around to find Jensen cracking up in the doorway. “Oh my God.”

“Little shit,” you said, spinning back and hitting undo on the large streak of color now on your drawing. 

“Oh is that the sleepover one?” he asked while you hummed. “It’s pretty.”

“You need something honey? I want to finish this before school lets out,” you said. You drew some shading in the background, Jensen resting his hands on your shoulders. He started to massage them and you glanced up. “Jensen.”

“Holly’s down for a nap,” he said. 

“Jay. I’d love to but if I don’t get this done today then I have to do it tomorrow and I know you wanted to start vacation tomorrow.” 

“Fine,” he groaned loudly. “But no work on vacation. Absolutely none.”

“You have a deal as long as I finish this today,” you said. He kissed your cheek and hummed.

“Alright. I’ll let you know when dinner’s all set.”

“Hey gorgeous,” said Jensen late that night. You turned and watched him crawl into the entrance of the trampoline netting with two thermos’ in one hand and a tub of sugar cookies in the other.

“Did Santa bring me wine?” you giggled, sitting up and taking one of the thermos’ from him.

“He’s bringing that for Christmas. Tonight’s a scotch night.”

“Oh. What are we celebrating?” you asked, plopping back down, Jensen quickly joining you. He grinned and you nudged closer, bumping your nose against his. “What did you do, Ackles.”

“Do you remember last year and we had our whole first Christmas together and it was at my parents and you told me the one thing you’d always wanted for Christmas but never got to have?”

“Snow?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “Jens, what’d you do?”

“This year I talked to my parents and Ray and everybody and a whole lot of people thought it’d be fun if we had an actual white Christmas. So...I rented a big log cabin in the Rockies up in Colorado for the whole family so we can have a real white Christmas. What do you think?”

“I think…you’re lucky you’re adorable. That’s a big surprise.” He thumbed over your cheek and you smiled. 

“Are you mad?”

“No. Just wish I had more time to get ready before we go up tomorrow.” He put a finger to your lips and started to grin. 

“Who said we’re going up tomorrow? See I have plans for you while four little munchkins spend the day at the Pads. Plenty of time to pack…try on things…take them off…”

“I thought-“

“I know what you thought. But you have been working like crazy on your next set of books and I think someone is due for a nice quiet relaxing day. I mean, when's the last time we had one of those?”

“I don’t know. Our honeymoon?”

“So you are overdue,” he said, rolling over on top of you, hovering over top. “And I’m planning on making sure you’re very relaxed.”

“A white Christmas in a log cabin, a day of relaxing…what did I do to deserve you Mr. Ackles?”

“Oh a lot. Excellent coffee maker for starters,” he chuckled. “Plus, you handled all four of them by yourself for five months while I was up in Canada.”

“You weren’t gone all five months,” you said.

“Eh, I was gone most of it. Besides, I’ve already decided I’m going to pamper you tomorrow and there’s nothing you can do about it so I’d just accept your fate now,” he said. He smirked and you leaned up, ducking your head down to kiss his neck. “Y/N…if you give me a hickey, I’m giving one right back.”

“I’ll give you a hickey somewhere else,” you whispered, sliding your hands down to the front of his jeans. You undid his belt, pulling down the denim. “Where oh where to put it…”

“You know, we have a lot of good memories on this trampoline,” he said, pushing down your sweatpants. 

“Want to make another?” you said, nipping at his jaw. He sat back, pulling you into his lap. He pushed your underwear down while you got his boxer briefs out of the way, Jensen picking you up and settling you straight down on top of his cock. “How are you hard already?”

“Have you seen you,” he breathed out, both of you giggling when he shifted his hips to thrust and you both instead bounced lightly. You tried to ride him but bounced again, another round of giggles hitting you. “Okay. I have an idea.”

He laid you back, hovering over you and thrusting in slowly, a nice little bounce as Jensen thrust back inside.

“Mmm, that’s good. So glad you got the snip,” you hummed.

“It is nice knowing we can do this whenever we-“

“Whoa!” you heard a male voice say. Jensen instantly fell on top of you and turned his head up. “Dude!”

“Hi Jared,” you said, closing your eyes and waving a hand over your head. 

“Why! Why!” he said, Jensen lifting off of you a hair.

“Buddy…kinda in the middle of something…”

“My mood is gone,” you said. Jensen sighed and moved back, fixing his pants, tugging yours up for you. You stood up and sighed. “Cock blocker, what can we do for you?”

“I was dropping off Christmas presents and picking up ours,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Oh he doesn’t know what we got him,” said Jensen, hopping up and crawling out of the opening, feet settling on the grass. You smirked, following him out and following him up to Jared. “Come on. You’re gonna open one of your presents right now.”

“After you two wash your hands,” he chuckled. You rolled your eyes and went inside, helping organize the two boxes of gifts for him to put in his trunk. When they were tucked away you dashed upstairs into your office, returning with a wrapped box and handing it to Jared.

“Merry Christmas Jared,” you said. 

“What are you two up to,” he said as he tore off the paper. Jensen stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. Jared smiled when he pulled off the lid. “Oh it’s so cute!”

“Hopefully that little boy fits in it,” you said, Jared cooing over the little moose onesie.

“Holly got a squirrel one like it,” said Jensen with a chuckle. “He’ll grow into it.”

“How’s the little guy doing?” you asked, Jared smiling as he tucked the onesie into one of the boxes on the floor.

“Sleeping through the night mostly. He’s gonna get mobile and loud soon I’m sure. He’s a month on Saturday already if you can believe it,” he said. 

“Holly just turned six months. Time flies,” you said. “Too bad they won’t be in the same grade.”

“That hasn’t stopped us before,” said Jared. “Speaking of the babes, you guys okay to be Ethan’s godparents?”

“Well it’d just be weird if we weren’t at this point,” said Jensen. You smiled, Jared returning it. “I kinda told Y/N about the trip.”

“Finally,” groaned Jared. “You guys are gonna have a great time. It’s only your second Christmas together. Any plans?”

“I have a few things in store,” said Jensen, humming and kissing your cheek.

“Nice to see you excited about the holidays again,” said Jared. He gave you both a hug, you and Jensen yelling when he picked you up.

“How is he so strong,” you gasped, Jared setting you down.

“I’ll take another slightly less strong man in the neighborhood,” chuckled Jensen. You gave Jared a hug, giving them space to share one of their own. 

“We have our Christmas when you guys get back?” he asked.

“Of course,” said Jensen. “Bring that cute baby around next time.”

“I will. I gotta run. Gen sends her love and all that. We’ll call closer to Christmas,” he said.

“Bye Jare,” you said, Jensen helping him bring out the boxes, coming back alone a few minutes later. “So.”

“So.” He locked the front door and turned on the alarm system, walking over with his hands behind his back. “Want to go take a bath together?”

“I knew there was a reason I married you.”

Two Days Later

“Oh my God,” you said as Jensen pulled into the driveway of the house he’d rented. “It’s massive. How much did this place cost?”

“Don’t be mad but the couple that owns the house are kinda big supernatural fans and I scored a sweet deal by throwing in some convention passes.”

“That is an abuse of power but I’m okay with it,” you said, unbuckling, the three kiddos already rushing out the back door and running up the driveway.

“Thanks for hanging back with mom and dad, Holly. We appreciate that,” said Jensen. He looked back and you heard her snore, Jensen chuckling. “She’s so fucking cute.”

“She’s got your pretty hair,” you said, reaching back and tickling her stomach. “Ethan’s gonna crush on her so hard.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Can’t wait for them all to be teenagers,” he chuckled. He caught your arm when you turned to get out of your seat, a soft but concerned look in his eyes. 

“You okay?” you asked quietly.

“Yeah. I just...I know last year I was a little off around this time. I know I shutdown and was quiet. I’m not gonna do that this year. You deserve to have a fun time.” You reached over and cupped his cheek, stroking your thumb under his eye. 

“Last year was only your second year without Dee and your first with me. It was still raw. It’s always gonna be a little raw. If you need to be quiet or alone or hang back, promise you’ll do it. I don’t want a version of you that puts on a show for me or anyone else.” You dropped your hand down and tugged on his bracelet lightly, Jensen nodding. He leaned in close and grabbed the back of your neck gently, pulling you into a deep kiss. 

“I am so happy I asked you out.”

“Technically I think I said you could make me dinner so I did the asking.” He smirked, kissing you again, rougher this time. A knock came on the glass behind him and you broke apart, Josh and Mackenzie standing there with big shit eating grins.

“Makeout later?” he asked.

“Sounds excellent Mr. Ackles.”

“Y/N? What are you still doing up?” said Alan around midnight. You looked over your shoulder from the window seat, watching out to the front of the house. “Ray and Sara not in yet?”

“I have this feeling they’re not gonna come,” you said. He patted your legs and you tucked up your feet, Alan taking a seat nearby. 

“What makes you say that?” he asked. You tapped your phone and held it out, Alan pursing his lips after reading the message. “Sounds like Sara’s pretty sick. I’m sure they’ll come when she’s feeling better.”

“It’s a long drive and he doesn’t want to get everybody here sick, Alan. I told him it’s okay if we do Christmas when we get back. It sounds like Georgie isn’t starting to feel good either.” You rested your chin on your knees, looking out the window again, watching the snow falling. 

“I know you want to have Christmas with your dad and family Y/N. But we’re here and we’re still going to have a good time,” he said. You hummed, closing your eyes when you felt him put his hand on your head. “Do you think…”

“I know they love me, Alan. Don’t worry about that. Someone’s sick is all and they want to keep everyone else healthy. I can’t blame them for that at all,” you said. 

“Jensen told me a few months ago that he never saw a therapist until you took him to Ray one night, not too long before we met. After how difficult Holly’s birth was you asked him to go a few more times.”

“He’s in a good place now. He’ll always be Jensen but he’s happy and he’s good,” you said, turning your head up.

“Do you think you’ll ever be as close to me as Jensen is with Ray?” he asked. You looked away and swallowed.

“I don’t know Alan. I want to. Believe me I want to. I wish I was as close with you as I’ve gotten with Donna and Josh and Mack and everyone. Donna was there for me a lot during the pregnancy. She answered a lot of questions and showed me things and when I was freaking out she made me feel better. I do love you Alan. But you were always going to be the hardest one to get close to. It was just your shitty luck.”

“How so?” he asked softly.

“Ray raised me for a solid ten years. Protected me. Loved me. Saw all of the dark and ugly parts of my life. And I still left him because the idea of a father still scared me. It took twelve years to admit all that. We got off on a rough start. It didn’t help. I know you will be there if I need it and vice versa but you have to understand it’s not personal. I just...I’m still building your safety net. It’s not finished and I don’t know when or if it will be.”

“I hurt you more than you ever let on that night,” he said. “The day Jensen brought you home to meet us.”

“You know what the news said about my father. Trust is hard for me. It’s like I said, you just have bad luck that you have to be the dad.”

“I wish I could have a do over with you is all. You’ve had too much hurt in your life already. I never should have given you more.”

“You were protecting your son in your eyes. I would do anything to protect my children. I don’t blame you for being a parent. I knew you’d assume things. I was only ever angry about the way you took them as fact without ever getting to know me. I forgave you for all of that a long time ago. Please don’t get hung up on the past.”

“I know you did. But I can’t help feel like you and me aren’t going to be as close as any of us would like.”

“Donna used to feel that way.”

“I know she did,” he sighed. “But she was kinder to you that night than I was and you two got close the past year like you said.”

“What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?” you asked. He blinked and you smiled. “If you want to be close, knowing the hard stuff normally helps. Plus you already know my favorite color.”

“I’ll make some hot chocolate for us,” he said, smiling. “I’ll be right back while I think that one over.”

“We’ll sit on the couch. It’s more comfortable anyways,” you said. You followed him into the kitchen, helping whip up a pair of drinks before settling on the large wrap around couch in the family room.

“I think you know the worst thing that ever happened to me,” he said, watching you take a sip. 

“The accident.”

“I’m listed as his second emergency contact. I got a phone call from the hospital that said he was in surgery and to get down there as soon as possible. But we’re hours away so I called Jared and asked him to round up the kids wherever they were and take them to his place. I didn’t know what was wrong yet. I drove down with Donna and Josh and when we got there we found out Jensen was in the ICU and that…”

“Were Dee’s parents there?” you asked.

“There were still on the road. But they knew she’d passed. They let us visit Jensen that night one at a time for a few minutes. He was so broken. Every inch of him was hurt. He woke up and he didn’t freak out, didn’t do anything but stare at me. He stared for so long until he moved a finger and drew a letter on my hand. A D. I told my son his wife died and he just closed his eyes and he was never the same man again. There have been hard moments in life but that was easily the worst.”

“Jensen never told me that,” you said quietly. “He doesn’t remember a lot right after the accident. More...feelings for that first week.”

“He had a bad concussion and between that and the shock to his body and the physical therapy to make sure he didn’t lose any function in his leg and Danneel...he just said the next day he didn’t want to talk and we let him be. I hope you never have to see him or your children go through something like that.”

“S’funny. The worst moment of your life was seeing your nearly killed son and telling him his wife had died. You had to share something that hurt him. But my dad...he had no problem hurting his child. It’s just funny how some people are born wrong and others are born amazing.”

“Jensen’s implied it was horrendous at times for you.”

“I didn’t get spanked. I got much worse. I would have lived to be only spanked. Sad part is I didn’t understand how wrong it was for so long. I got lucky that a friend at school’s mom noticed some marks. I know what he tried to pull as an adult. I can’t imagine being with that monster as a teenager.”

“I don’t know why some people have easier lives than others and I certainly don’t have the answers. All I do know is that Jensen changed the day Dee died. And he changed the day he met you. You’ve made his life and those kids lives better. You made all of ours better. We don’t have to worry so much anymore. He’s safe and happy again and that’s all that we can ask for.”

“People tell me that but he made my life so much better too. I do something I love now. The world isn’t trying to crush in on me all the time. Things aren’t bleak anymore. He changed my life for the better.”

“That may be so but don’t forget that he was in a dark place. Your friendship helped him more than either one of us will understand.”

“He’s the first best friend I ever had,” you said. You drank from your cup and he hummed. A tiny coo made you both turn towards the stairs, Jensen lightly holding a sleeping Holly on his hip. “Hey. She wake you up?”

“Diaper change. She’s passed out. You guys good?”

“Yeah. Your dad was just keeping me company when I couldn’t sleep,” you said. 

“I’m gonna head back to bed. Sleep good kids,” said Alan. He got up and slipped past Jensen on the stairs, Jensen making a grabby hand towards you. You took your cup and went up the few steps, taking his free hand with yours. You went down the hall, stopping in the small nursery, tucking Holly back into her crib before heading back to your bedroom.

“Hey,” said Jensen softly when the door shut, tugging on your arm and stopping you from crawling into bed. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Disappointed that my side of the family can’t make it after you did all this planning.”

“We’ll get together again soon,” he said. He tilted his head, smiling when you stepped in front of him and wrapped your arms around him in a hug. “Don’t be mad but I kinda overheard what you and my dad said.”

“You have a habit of eavesdropping on me and your parents,” you said, inhaling deeply. “I know you don’t remember much after the accident.”

“I don’t think you two have anything to worry about. Maybe you guys don’t talk much, just you two. But you both love me and I think my dad understands it’s not personal. Trust is earned after all.”

“Jensen I trust your farther. I trust your whole family. I love them. But they don’t know the fucked up version of me like Ray and Sara and my brother and sister do. I don’t want them to meet her.”

“There is no fucked up version of you. You have scars. That’s all. I have ‘em. Most everyone in this house does. You know the thing about your scars?” he asked quietly. You shook your head and he kissed the top of yours. “They could have made you turn out a different way yet what job did you go into? Being a caretaker. What job do you have now? Spreading joy with your stories. You had excuses and you didn’t take them. You put me back together. There’s not an ounce of you that’s fucked up. Got it?”

“Well when you put it like that…” He stared and you smiled, pecking a kiss on his lips. “I know. We’re still going to have a good time like your dad said.”

“Exactly. Tomorrow we are going sledding and a whole bunch of other stuff and that’s just the first day.”

“Sounds exciting,” you said. You walked back towards the bed, Jensen letting you tug him over. “Bedtime?”

“Only if we have lazy, morning sex,” he grinned. 

“I suppose,” you sighed, smirking when Jensen picked you up and tossed you on the bed. “Sh! You’ll wake somebody up.”

“I am the bad boy of the family. Someone’s gotta misbehave,” he teased, crawling under the covers when you peeled them back.

“Oh I want you to. Just not tonight. I’m kinda tired,” you yawned, stretching out. He hummed and kissed your cheek as the door opened, Arrow standing there. “What’s wrong honey?”

She didn’t wait to head straight into your bathroom, exiting after a moment with a sigh and heading back to bed.

“When you gotta go, you gotta go,” said Jensen. You whacked his chest and curled down into him. “Night honey.”

“Night Jens.”

_________

#supernatural #spn #spndeanbingo #spnchristmasbingo #supernatural fanfiction #Jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #Jensen ackles #au #rpf #spn fanfic #Jensen x

[loveinterestcastiel]

Long post ahead, sorry, but I can’t be the only one who remembers this stuff, right?? i.e. the funko scenes from Atomic Monsters (15x04, Davy Perez wrote, Jensen directed)??

The first one came to pass on screen in the finale, when Sam and Dean discuss the mime-vampire case under the big tree.

The second came to fruition only partially. Upon Dean’s arrival at the Heaven Roadhouse, Bobby tells him only that “Cas helped”. However, the funko pops in 15x04 imply that Cas was supposed to be there. Not Bobby. So what happened?

Some seriously fucked up and suspicious shit is what happened. Take a look:

The water tower on Becky’s desk, also in 15x04, was a hint about a filming location for the finale, that we know they made it to and filmed at because of the SPN tapeball Instagram account. On August 29 2020, the tapeball account posted a picture of the real water tower and the tapeball with the caption “About to drown....in tears”.

Now this... this location, and the scenes shot there, never made it to air. We also know that there are 11 shots missing from episode 20 (if someone could dig out the chart plotting out what scenes fit where, I’d love to insert that here)

So here’s the thing about the SPN tapeball! It’s consistently colour-coded. Jensen is blue, Jared is red, and Misha is green. On the outside of the tapeball (therefore, the scenes most recently shot) we see red, blue, and a metric-ton of green on the left.

So where was Misha?? What happened to Cas?

Fuckery, my friends. He was there. (There’s a screenshot someone took of the view from his window when he was quarantined in Vancouver, don’t ask me how the fandom figured that one out bc it’s complicated but just go with it, Michael Sheen confirmed it during the SuperGood video thing, etc. there’s more but I don’t have time for that rn. Feel free to add on to the post if you have the receipts/pictures)

If I had to guess, even though I hate to do that, I’d say Misha shot his scenes, which were presumably set in Heaven, but they were cut, and he only found out as the show aired. Unfortunately, this sort of thing is not uncommon in the entertainment industry. What really stings is that he sat his kids down to watch the finale with him after never letting them watch the show before, only to see the absolutely frankensteined/chopped up/weak/VValker promoting nightmare of an ending that aired. Talk about a slap in the face (or being stabbed in the back...)

And so it goes- no closure. No resolution. And then the fandom divided itself (cult accusations, toxic discourse, etc. ensued from people I shall not name directed at people I shall not name). And now, non-polol and non-polol-adjacent people are starting to loudly question Why The Hell this was able to slide under the majority of the fandom’s noses in the first place after shaming the people who’ve tried to address it from the beginning, but I don’t really care about how we got here. (Full disclosure, I’m only polol-adjacent. Not in the server but I follow many of the people who are, and when I tell you that they’ve publically been addressing this stuff for ages now I mean it. They never really hid anything if you knew where to look, but some people hate inside jokes between friends, apparently. Not my business) All this crap happened for one reason: because network PR is a machine. It’s intentional, it’s calculated, and it doesn’t give a flying fuck about feelings, representation, or ethics. It’s a gaslighting, money-making game that’s up for anything; queerbaiting is only the tip of the iceberg of rampant industry-wide sexism, racism, homophobia, and ableism. But it FREQUENTLY fucks up. And they did with regards to SPN, many, many times. Like the C/W Philly account. Oopsies!

Now that we’re all finally on the same page, let’s not let this go. I know other people have had these ideas before me, but I needed to get all this written out in one place.

It’s not a conspiracy. It never was. It happened right in front of our eyes. And this is nowhere NEAR all of it.

#atomic monsters #destiel #destielgate #misha collins #dean winchester #castiel #jensen ackles #mishagate #deancas #spngate

[naruhearts]

I’m done keeping my composure.

Sorry, this will be a LOADED post! (And I’ll be repeating the points others have made)

for real, to everyone being nasty and telling heartbroken fans that “Dean was always supposed to die get a grip you’re just butthurt etcetera etcetera—” F you royally.

How dare you police the brutal feelings that’s been embroiling us since the Finale That Must Not Be Named aired. 

The show you think you all watched, the show you all believe was the same SPN from Season 1-4, changed at some point. Kripke wrote his original vision, put it to screen, saw it through in S5 as he intended, and closed the door on that era.

In 2008, Supernatural was adopted and inherited. As you know, there was a supreme paradigm shift post-Kripke era. The show FLOURISHED (we won’t talk about Gamble thanks). It evolved, transformed, grew beyond trauma-induced self-worthlessness and toxic masculinity and endless death and hegemonic social ideals and conservatism and repressive anti-revolutionary ideas. Castiel, the iconic favourite and beloved staple of the series portrayed by Misha Collins, was introduced in Season 4 as the core lead character, and he ushered in a brand new era of Christian mythos that SPN took advantage of. Longevity SKYROCKETED. Audiences were INTERESTED. SPN amassed an incredibly groundbreaking fanbase infused by non-nuclear principles. A massive subversive wave began, fighting the Status Quo of the times since 2008. It’s precisely why such an abysmal ending to a show of extensive Freud-Jungian metanarratively meta META complex stature and social POWER will render us totally and unbearably broken for years to come.

Point is, DEAN WINCHESTER NO LONGER WANTED TO DIE. HE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO SIT ON THE BEACH, PLUNGE HIS TOES IN THE SAND, AND SIP UMBRELLA DRINKS WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIS BEST FRIEND. He said this in Season 13. And then, a season later, he told the ghost of his long-deceased father — the source of his deep-running trauma and the figure of self-reductive authoritarianism permeating his arc since Season 1 — after being questioned why he didn’t pursue the Nuclear Fam, that he already has his own: his brother Sam, his adopted child Jack, and Cas.

Dean’s best friend Cas. Oh god, Cas, who made his inevitably permanent mark on Dean’s soul beyond allyship. Castiel, renamed to Cas, God’s -iel removed by Dean. Dean, the human spark that lit the fire of pre-existing autonomy in the inherently rebellious angel who was, this entire time, the catalyst for free will in God The Writer’s puppet show. Their friendship set on goddamn fire. I can also write paragraph upon paragraph about my love for Cas while devastated tears stream down my face, but I digress—

Cas’ romantic love for Dean pushed our main Heart of SPN to love himself. Love is free will. Free will is also love. Of note, Cas’ love confession in 15x18 was supposed to offset something so vastly important and fundamental...to maybe (read: most likely) pull the trigger on SELF-TRUTHS in conjunction with free will. And The Great Anticipated Follow-Up to the episode penned by the passionate Berens should have included (read: seemed like it was going to be) Dean, closeted trauma survivor in love with his best friend, being given the opportunity to do it right: to SPEAK HIS TRUTH, and then that very singular opportunity was STOLEN so grossly. After poring over it for days, I refuse to believe we made their years-long story up out of thin air, spun it out of fantastical-delusional dream cotton candy, because we DIDN’T. IT WAS REAL.

As I said in another post: “I’ve just been feeling physically ill for the past >40 something hours with the terrible knowledge that 19/20 undid years of vital progression towards healthy interdependence, autonomy, and a positive endgame, where Sam, Dean and Cas close the ring of found family in final empowering self-fulfillment...where Dean, no longer repressed and set free, is able to use his words and speak his truth as a queercoded trauma survivor, henceforth confirming and self-affirming his own bisexuality since S1 by reciprocating — by telling Cas that he always loved him, too, loved him endlessly, which would have altogether divested Supernatural of its cult status and catapulted it into global worldwide significance as the longest running sci-fi genre show in American broadcasting history that actually dared to defy and, by proxy, empower LGBTQ2IA+ everywhere who found profound personal meaning in Destiel through VALIDATION,” — found themselves mirrored in Dean and Cas’ respective character journeys individually and as each other’s queer love interests.

THIS IS WHY DEAN WASN’T MEANT TO DIE.

THEY WERE SO ESSENTIAL, NOT JUST TO THE OVERARCHING STORY AND HEALTHY INTERPERSONAL THEMATICS OF MODERN SPN, BUT ALSO TO THE SOULS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD WHO FOLLOWED THEIR JOURNEYS, HOPED FOR THEM, ASPIRED TO BE LIKE THEM, TREASURED THEM, WEEPED FOR THEM, AND FOUGHT FOR THEM, LIKE YOU AND ME.

Heck, how could anyone think Sam Winchester had a well-deserved characteristic ending? He didn’t. Dean’s brother was shafted so badly. He stopped hunting when seasons ago, he had canonically accepted that he no longer wanted an apple pie life. He simply...turned the lights off in a resoundingly empty bunker and left — abandoning his dead brother’s room — never to return (he did return later to get the Impala, family photos etc, I mean this symbolically)...as if — dare I say it — Supernatural itself eerily told us, in the negative-spaced pitch blackness, that the organic show and the wonderfully complex, matured characters we’ve grown to love weren’t going to survive or be revisited...that it was all going to perish, and that they no longer gave a single shit about their own show, which, to me, is the worst cardinal sin, because how dare they throw Team Free Will, an immovable and indomitable and passionate found family they built from the ground up, a found family CHOCK FULL TO THE BRIM OF LOVE AND LIFE RAGING AGAINST THE AUTHORITARIAN MACHINE IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE FREE WILL, under the bus no matter who is to blame. Growth was stomped on.

Then Sam married a faceless wife who wasn’t his textually established (and deaf) love interest Eileen, named his son Dean Jr., and grew old miserably, still mourning the passing of his older brother, shaken and sombre. Back to square one. IT WAS ALL ANTITHETICAL, even OUTSIDE a shipping context, and I ripped my hair out at this point in sheer disbelief.

This 15x20 ending would have fit somewhere between S4-7. Now? IT DOESN’T FIT. IT’S A JAGGED PUZZLE PIECE THAT DOESN’T BELONG ANYWHERE. IT’S THE FOREBODING UNKNOWN STRANGER IN ITS OWN LAND, BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. This kind of ending was basically an illogical, unsound cluster of metastasized cells that, to me, ruined the viability of previous seasons to sustain bold praise and respect and dignity and rewatches and classic nostalgia in such insidious ways.

Dean Humanity Winchester and Cas, after everything they’ve been through, were silenced and lost in death, ripped apart from each other, unable to love each other the way they deserved, because of disappointing, vile incompetency and homophobia. The greatest love story ever told, again obliterated in less than 60 hollow minutes.

You know what this tells your audience, CW SPN? Death without self-growth is the way to go, and no one is allowed to forge their own path to freedom.

HOW INSULTINGLY HARMFUL IS THAT?

I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving.

We all deserve answers.

#fuck #my stuff #spn s15 #15x20 #sorry this was so long winded but i’m so #I think I finally wrote out all my frustration in this??? #i’m still broken but I do hope it gets better #ily all #my meta #fuck cw #fuck spn #deancas #destiel #excuse me for any sloppy grammar and weirdness and shit #I’m still emotionally wilding lol #the greatest love story ever told #narrative #character development #narrative cyclism #supernatural #destiel deserved better #jensen and misha deserved better #at the same time this all seems cathartic anyway :P #I sorta snapped because wtf WE AREN’T WATCHING THE SAME SHOW IF YOU BELIEVE DEATH IS THE ANSWER 😭 #I respect your opinion only if you’re respectful towards ours #but I’ve literally seen so many nasties out there #I’d rather have queue #long post for ts #I’M TEARING UP AGAIN #I’m ill

[fangirlingtodeath513]

Ayo this is unedited notes from Misha’s panel excuse the emojis (except for the one after Misha said “what are they gonna do, fire me?” because that one was warrented)

* Watching the finale was tough because it represented the end of a chapter of his life but he has a palpable feeling that the spn family isn’t going anywhere

* Favorite memory making a recipe w/kids and Vicki? Pasta with jam sauce 🥺 bizarre and totally disgusting 😂

* Projects in mind? Yes, worked a lot on US election which was pretty invigorating for him, plans to do more work on Georgia runoff elections. Publishing a book of poetry, close to closing a deal with a publisher for that. Couple of film projects he’s trying to get off the ground, one he wouldn’t be in or direct, other interested in directing and possibly acting.

* What do you think happened when Jack brought Cas back and what’s he doing? There was a different ending that COVID made impossible to shoot. Not supposed to talk about it but it was big crowd scenes. In the original iteration, he didn’t go to recreate Heaven, he had a different ending. Didn’t read the last two endings and watched them as they aired. Knew in the abstract what Cas and Jack’s fates were but he doesn’t really know what the answer is.

* What was West and Maison’s experience of watching Spn for the first time? They can’t watch scary things at all so they haven’t ever watched a full episode. West and Maison asked him to tell them when a scary part was coming up and Misha said “well unfortunately, I don’t really know”. Kids looked totally shellshocked at the cold open 😂 Spn may have been good for his career and the fandom but has irrevocably scarred his children

* Screencapping chat because they’re typing too fast 😂

* Will you go to Russia again? He’d love to but he’s said a lot of bad things about Putin so he might be arrested 😂

* What qualities do he and Cas share? Over time, the character melded with Misha and became softer and more sensitive and tried to do the right thing and be a good person.

* What’s the one thing you’ll take with you from playing Castiel? He thinks a lot. On a professional level, it was fascinating to play a character for so many years, (discussed recently with J2) the characters really became a part of them. Watching Dean’s death he cried, but because “that’s Cas’s friend Dean dying”. Cas will always be will him, an aspect of his being forever.

* What’s your favorite thing to bake with kiddos? Loves to bake pie, fave is strawberry rhubarb.

* He teared up watching 15x18 🥺

* Have other cast members disclosed what the original ending was supposed to be? Doesn’t want to be the one to reveal state secrets but “What are they gonna do, fire me? 😏”

* We saw a version of Heaven that was populated with all the people from their past. But they couldn’t do that due to COVID restrictions.

* Fave BTS memory from set? Don’t have one, they’ve been close friends for 12 years. They’ve had laughing fits, fights, gotten pissed off at each other, but some of his fondest memories of work are of Supernatural.

* Why did Cas’s trench coat stay intact? He can magically mend his clothing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ When he went in, they wanted him to look like Constantine-suit was way too big, had to fold his shirt and tuck it because it was too big. He got a new suit at first which wasn’t explained, lost the tie and then brought it back, which wasn’t explained, and once season they just started him in a new wardrobe and said nothing 😂

* Stole trench coats from set, will probably wrap them around himself and cry at some point

* To get in the zone for Cas’s confession and death, he went and sat in a dark corner of the set and Rob Hayter stood guard over him so no one would bother him 🥺 and when they were ready for him on set, Rob would come over very gently and say “Misha they’re ready for you”

* How did you feel when you read 15x18? He knew that ending was coming for a long time, been talking to Berens about it, and was really happy about it. It was the ending he wanted for Cas. Felt risky and brave for the show to do and he was proud to be a part of that. Seen people complaining about bury your gays trope and he doesn’t feel that’s what happened with Cas’s ending. He’a glad Cas got to have that moment and he’s proud the show did that.

* Do you think you’ll get an SPN tattoo? Doesn’t have any, was thinking about getting some for his children. Should he get tats of Jensen and Jared’s faces? 😂 Get a tat of Cas’s face on his abdomen? 😂 Probably no tattoo re:spn for him but he totally supports anyone that does.

* The last scene he shot as Cas was the last scene of the day on Friday. He, Alex, Rich, and Jensen all had to get to Vegas for a con. They shot late into the night and finished around 1:30-very teary, Misha’s goodbye to the show- had to get a chartered flight to get there on time. One of the engines exploded and they had to circle back, plane was shaking, really scary. Texting their families, didn’t know if they were gonna crash land. It was such a strange night, super intense.

* He misses the pimpmoble.

* What non-hunter job would Cas be good at? Security guard, he never sleeps and never gets bored. Not a great teacher, architect, or artist. Handy in the kitchen, maybe a cook?

* What color are Cas’s wings? Shit, idk, I always thought they were black. Ah! They’re rainbow colored, how about that?

* When he was directing, Jared would take the canvas off his director’s chair and lay it over so it looked like a real chair and Misha fell for that probably 5 times. Jared kept messing up lines so Misha cut and went to see what was wrong and Jared pied him in the face. Jensen brought him another shirt with was nice, went for lunch and Jensen pied him in the face 🙄😂

* Real story behind the handprint in 15x18? He doesn’t remember but it was a really nice touch.

* Fave thing about panels? He and Jensen have had a lot of fun panels in Rome 👀 Brought up the resume-off 👀👀 Had pizza delivered to a panel once.

* Fave version of Castiel to play? Had fun playing Lucifer. Loved playing human!Cas, was fun to explore what it would be like. Just regular Cas was his favorite. Wouldn’t have wanted to trade regular Cas for any other iterations 🥺

#misha collins #supernatural #spn spoilers

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON, 2018) ANYALYSIS-PART 1

I never know how to begin these things so let’s just dive in.

Jensen and Misha enter the stage as Alex is leaving. Jensen commends Alex and Misha whistles and Jensen says don’t hurt my ears or something. And so it begin. Misha says he regretted it [whistling] immediately.

 I’m hard of hearing you know why because I whistled. This joke didn’t land Misha. Sorry.

Jensen says “Hey” like he wants to say something to the audience but Misha does this weird thing where he runs his index finger down his nose and touches his chin.

I think this was Misha trying to communicate his disappointment that Jensen didn’t get the joke. He wanted him to get the joke. Misha e tries to find his seat so he could sit but Jensen catches on that Misha needs him so he says, “Hey what? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Aww :)

Misha leans his ear closer to Jensen and says, and Jensen leans even closer and they have this back and forth banter about not hearing what the other is saying.

To mention something personal, I am usually very uncomfortable when people lean into me, I like my personal space unless it’s someone I’m really close to and even then not always will be with them getting up close and personal.. They seem okay with it so good for them I guess. Personal space who?

“I don’t understand your accent” Misha says. I don’t know if this is an inside joke because Jensen says “shut up,” playfully and they sit down.

Jensen applauds Alex and Misha whistles again and Jensen has to look away faux disappointed because they just talked about whistling. Misha!!! Stop being naughty.

Jensen even rubs his ears to show that he can’t hear properly. LOL.

That’s like super loud dude.

 I actually find it really weird when Misha and Jensen call each other dude. It sounds unnatural because Jensen often calls other men-pal, bud, or man and Misha usually uses people’s names or says my friend so and so. So maybe this is what they call each other? I know when I talk to my bf or my friends I call them dude (gn) especially when I’m shocked about something. So, it’s not a biggie. Just noting this because they do this a lot with each other.

Misha does this super cute shoulder shrug with the biggest grin on his face. How can a grown ass man be that adorable. I don’t know how he does it but well he did it and it’s adorable. No wonder Jensen wants to put him in his pocket and take him home.

“I’m compensating.” And he looks at Jensen with this shit eating grin on his face as if challenging him and it’s like Jensen looks like he can’t breathe for a second it was literally three seconds.

 “[compensating] For a lot of things that’s wow.” Jensen says. Misha keeps grinning. Of course Jensen would know what Misha is compensating for wouldn’t he?

 Should we talk about Alex?” Jensen asks looking at Misha.

Loudly “Yeah.”

“No I don’t think so.”

What did you ask how was the pantheon? 

Jesus I love their madness. They play off each other so well.

They say they are working on teaching alex to talk about inappropriate things.  Side note: It’s funny though because Alex looks like their love child. He looks like Misha, and to some extent Jensen, his hair, sense of style and even the way he carries himself is all Jensen. So weird. What if –What if---nvm.

Jensen mentions he remembers his first season of spn. Misha looks at Jensen and says no you don’t [remember] and Jensen agrees that he doesn’t. Yes finish each other’s sentences why don’t you? He says he doesn’t remember that far back and Misha has this far away look as if he is trying to remember something and starts laughing and Jensen has this smirk on his face. IDK what is going on but these are moments I wish I could read minds.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha though.

So Misha mentions how Jared pranked Alex during the tattoo scene of s13x02. The moment Misha mentions Jared, Jensen stops smiling.

Knowing what we know now about the fallout I want to mention something. When Misha talks about Jared and his prank on Alex Jensen doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about that. Hmm and he circles back to talk about Alex then he calls Jared a toddler? But Misha makes it sound like Jensen was referring to Alex by saying easy prey . 

Misha shows the face Alex makes when they are on set together because of the pranks and the jokes.

Jensen adds, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen you do that?”+  Jensen is so excited. I mean anyone who says this is PR then they are crazy. You can’t fake emotions like that no matter how good of an actor you are.

‘The way Jensen calls Misha ‘this one’ It sounds so couply. Like when one half of a couple says, “this one is always a crying mess when we watch the notebook” or something akin to that. Any that’s just how I interpreted it, I could be wrong.

And this is how Misha is looking at Jensen when he says “this one”

That moment when Misha touches the back of Jensen’s neck and Jensen touches his thigh and they think it’s too gay because because Jensen acts like he just touched dirt and Misha brushes off his thigh and smells it. Now that’s acting.

Jensen checks Misha out (he specifically looks at Misha’s arms) and then asks “how’re you doing bud?”

Misha says good and that cringe moment about clothes sharing starts and oh I can’t look…okay I had to look  because cringe. But the way Jensen is looking at Misha is giving me the courage to and also I had to for the sake of this analysis I had to look.

“This morning Jensen was like, ‘hey, here’s that shirt you wanna borrow that shirt to wear to the convention today and I was like ‘no dude I’m not wearing your shirt to the convention to the convention’ and he’s [Jensen] like don’t worry it still has tags on it it’s fine. And I’m like no thanks , I’m not gonna wear your fucking shirt to the convention. And then at lunch I spilled salad dressing all over my shirt like sweet so thanks for the shirt.”

The whole time Misha is telling the story he’s not looking at Jensen he’s looking at the crowd. Jensen on the other hand is checking Misha out while biting his bottom lip. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Jensen:  ‘I knew. Umm..”

Misha:  “You are like Misha didn’t bring his bib today so…”

Jensen:  “He didn’t bring his bib? We are probably having you know some pretty----no I was literally have a shirt that I brought that…cause I try to wear something new for every time there are pictures being taken of me just cause that’s the culture we live in now…”

Interrupting moose enters.

*I will do a comprehensive analysis on the clothes sharing confessions, lies and half truths in another post. Boy (gn) do I have tea.”

I think when Jared is giving Jensen the balloons Jensen asks him if Daniela or someone else sent him to join them but I think he came of his own volition.

Jared is asking Jensen to untie a balloon for him but Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled

Misha must’ve noticed the tension between those two so he asks, “how good a knot did you tie?” 

Jensen’s like, “You know what? I tie a knot that a professional knows how to tie.” Okay kinky, tell us more about knots Jensen. (Sorry for this but knowing the A/B/O or rather the Omegaverse was started because of Jensen and now he’s  talking about tying a knot and…you know what nvm)

Misha pretends that what Jensen is saying is sus so he and Jared have a back and forth wondering what Jensen is talking about as Jensen unties the balloons. Yeah sure Misha like he hasn’t tied …you know what? This is getting uncomfortable even for me. Can we move on?

But Jensen won’t let me move on because he’s like, “seriously that’s how you tie a knot.” Of course you’d know sir

Jared adds, “Or it’s not” can someone shut this man up, please.

Jensen doesn’t like his friend’s joke and he has something to say about it,  “Did he have to join us?” Was this a joke? Was it serious? Who knows but recent events seem to suggest that he might’ve been serious but made it look like a joke.

Jared asks for one balloon and Misha tries to reach for one but Jensen keeps pulling them away so Misha can’t reach. This is so playful and adorable. Misha snags one finally then gives it to Jared. One flies away and he tries to reach for it but he’s not tall enough. 

“Do you want some help?”  Jared asks and laughs then Misha gives him the finger. 

Jensen gets grumpy after Daniela brings Misha a colourless balloon so he hits it with his microphone then he hits his and  sits on it and pops it. Fuck that was hot for some weird reason. I could watch him pop balloons all day.

Misha and Jared’s reaction when Jensen sits on the balloon.

Misha tries Miserably to pop his, Jared can’t look, Jensen is still grumpy but the more Misha struggles the happier Jensen gets and he even manages a smile.

This was hilarious though. Their face journeys.

Jared brings a watermelon and gives it to Misha but Jensen slaps it out of his hands and shows he doesn’t want him to do it from the way he’s waving his hand.

The only thing Jensen wants Misha to wrap his legs around is his waist, or his neck or shoulders or whatever. I don’t know which method of wrestling they prefer, I’m not a professional wrestler I mean I’ve watched WWE a few times but-

Jensen seems happy, I don’t know what Misha says to him before he sits but Jensen seems okay until…

Jared hands Misha the pink balloon holder and says, “You gonna want this for later,” 

Misha doesn’t look too happy about it either but he’s always a good sport. Poor guy, so he plays a long and looks at the holder which interestingly is pink and phallic. I know Jared was joking and yeah the joke wasn’t that funny but Jensen is super pissed because he asks, “Is he?” looking at the balloon holder.

Jesus Jensen wtf? But I honestly understand him, I mean why would Misha need that weird cheap plastic thing when there was the real thing waiting someone in a pair of Levis.

Jensen says, “well… some parts of this”  I can’t quite make out what he says.

Misha tries to make it a light moment by saying it looks like something horrible happened and that gets Jensen to laugh and then Misha bends over to uh..to drop the melon and the phallic object and Jensen’s eyes shoot right down the citrusy-juicy stone fruit goodness. He catches himself looks away and then looks at the crowd while chewing on his bottom lip.

Okay sexual jokes are fun but not every time Jared. I mean c’mon, not everything is a gay sex joke. This is the one thing that sells him out as a straight dude. He makes way too many gay sex jokes it’s not even funny.

They have this weird back and forth about Jared having some notes. Argh. It’s weird. It’s like they are fighting. You see how girls fight and act like like they aren’t fighting but you can sense the seething anger in the undertones of their voices? That’s the vibe I get here. Even Misha is confused because he keeps looking between the two wondering why notes are so important of a discussion that warrants a back and forth. Or maybe it’s just me. IDK.

Misha has to jump in and save the day “He’s [Jared] is just looking through for pictures] Misha explaining to Jensen why Jared has to read the script forty times while Jensen only reads it once.  WTF is going on boys? You were doing so well before and now things seem totally awkward *cough*fallout*cough*

Jensen looks totally done like he wants to be anywhere but here, seriously look at him.

It gets so awkward so much so that Misha has to prompt a fan to ask a question. As I said earlier, no one is such a great actor to fake emotions. Jensen keeps proving my theory. Something was going on with j/2 that day and no matter how hard they tried to mask it, it came out and it wasn’t pretty. Then again, maybe it’s just me and nothing was going on.

A fan asks how they like stories to end and  before he can answer, Misha quickly glances at Jensen then goes ahead and explains how he likes the story to leave him on a cliffhanger.

Misha has barely finished talking before Jensen chimes in with a “I Do NOT!” Look at Jared’s and Misha’s faces. Something was clearly going on and I think it had something to do with the show because Jensen didn’t seem okay since Jared came on stage. He says how he wants a finality to things otherwise jerks. They were clearly talking about the show, Jensen, for a good actor you are acting really weird. It is about the show because he says, “we are just dead”  Something very weird was going on. Maybe at this time they already had had their meeting with TPTB in LA and he was told to take it or leave it and Jared and Kripke didn’t even hear him out. My poor baby, Do all the spin offs King and you should star in all of them like you deserve.

He even says that spn dying is not a finality. He looks super pissed. What did these people (Jared and tptb) do to him? They broke him. He was doing so well.

Luckily a fan asks them if they can dance so Jensen goes to the wheel and Misha gets up. I think he knows Jensen is angry and he has to try to make his man happy the best way he can. Jared is suffering from second hand embarrassment as am I. Jared can’t look, same Jared this is so cringe. But Jensen can’t help himself, as he is coming back from spinning the wheel he checks out Misha’s citrusy-juicy goodness again 🍑

Misha please stop. I love you but this is embarrassing. Okay so let me look at Jensen instead. He looks like those gentlemen waiting for the debutantes at a debutante ball because of the way he’s standing looking at Misha dance. Subtle sir. Very subtle. I mean if my friend was dancing like that I’d be laughing at them not watching longingly. Just saying, but that’s just me.

The way Misha looks at Jensen and starts rolling his hips. Sirs, can you not do your mating dance in public? There are children in the audience. 

Even the way Jensen cues in the music so he can dance looks like he’s in the Victorian era asking the music master to play the song he asked to be cued in so he could dance with his sweetheart or something. Am I going crazy? I’m going crazy.

The whole dancing scene was just cringe.

Mish explaining what Castiel does when the boys go to sleep 

Hold on, when Jensen asks what Castiel does when the Sam and Dean are asleep in their respective bedrooms, he made sure to emphasize respective bedrooms and we all know the reason why. Stay speaking facts king.

Anyway, when he asks Misha to demonstrate for us what Cas does, did he expect that Cas stands there peeping into Dean’s room and wanks or what did he expect? Honestly I’m just curious, what did he want Misha to demonstrate exactly.

Then he gets up to demonstrate it himself . 

When Misha says that the episode will be called ‘I’ll just wait here ten” Jensen unicorn laughs and when he realizes he was laughing to hard at Misha’s joke he says, ”I don’t get it.” Yeah sure Jensen it was clear from how hard you laughing to the point where we could see your tonsils that you didn’t get it. Good one. Misha maintains a serious face and even shakes his head.

A fan asks Misha what Castiel would have in his room. Misha says just a bunch of catnip. I don’t know what is so funny again that it warrants Jensen to hide his face because he’s trying not to laugh too hard. Does the word catnip or Cas being a cat mean something to you? Is it because Misha is cute like a kitten? Do love to rub his tum and hear him purr? Does he rub his nose along your beard like a cat would? What is so funny?

Then Jensen adds, “and kitty litter.” So adorable. I want in on the inside joke.

Misha says that he would have a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that says, “Hey it’s Monday” and Jensen laughs so hard. Then Jensen makes sure to add, “he has that poster in his trailer.” How do you know?

Why are these two dorks so happy about the mention of AU Cas? 

Then the way Jensen is excited about asking Misha for a demonstration of AU Cas 

 WTF am I watching? Help. But the eye fuck and the way the laugh.

Look how hard Jensen is laughing when Misha says what went through his head is that “they met at a club.” Pray for Jensen. He needs help. Serious help because no one is ever that funny all the time Jensen.

You can see how Jensen’s mood changed after Jared said that is the best acting he has ever seen Misha do. Jared seriously read the room. That part of the video has been discussed before so I won’t get into that.

The way Jensen’s eyes widen when Jared says Misha really wants to answer the who is your rock question. It is subtle but it happens. He also raises his eyebrows  as if to say “really? leave my husband alone.”

Okay did Jared expect Misha to say Jensen was his rock or??

Jensen is acting weird through Misha’s answer. He’s mostly stoic, like he’s holding his breath? Can I also mention how handsome Misha looks? But I like Misha’s answer and it’s so beautiful that he married his best friend. Everyone who wants to get married should marry their best friend. What do I know though? Marriage is a foreign concept to me.

Jensen asks how many mothers there are in the audience.

Jared carries on with “how many of us have mothers?

Misha: That’s quite an impressive turn out. So many people didn’t raise their hands.

“They are like no I was genetically engineered in a lab.” Okay hear me out. Jensen knows what you know who believe that  his kids and Jared’s kids were made in a lab because they couldn’t stand to copulate with their wives because of how much they hate them because Jared is his on true love. If you didn’t know this I’m sorry to divulge this disgusting piece of information to you but you can’t unsee it now so you are welcome. I swear I think this was a jab at them, no one can convince me otherwise.

Even Jared and Misha’s reaction to that is pretty telling. Then Jensen adds “And some of you probably were” I think he means those soulless fans who send their wives and kids threats and also hate on Misha every chance they get. Go off king.

He talks about how his wife is also his rock aww Jensen

Remember how Jensen was being weird during Misha’s answer? Misha is being weird as well, mostly stoic and looking at a fixed spot on the ground. I want to know what was so interesting.

Oh that micro expression from Jared, his right eye widens the moment Jensen says “I have some amazing pebbles in my life.” Did he think Jensen was going to out himself? He was like oh shit oh sit it’s happening.

The glee on Misha’s face when when Jensen calls him a pebble aww Jensen.

I know what I’m about to say is controversial but I think that by pebbles Jensen meant Misha. It doesn’t make sense that he was comparing his wife and his friends. The only person he would relate his wife to is his husband. I know this sounds crazy and people will definitely not be happy about this but that’s my opinion.I I know he loves Jared and he is his bro for life  so if he was referring to them both wouldn’t he have pointed to them both?

Jared talks about how sometimes he doesn’t want to burden the people he really loves with what’s on his mind all the time and Jensen points to himself in a very aggressive way. Jesus Jensen way to be subtle. Fuck. Also Jensen nods vigorously when Jared says look for your pebbles because sometimes pebbles are what you need to get back to your rock.

It’s time to sing a hbd song and when Misha asks Jared “did you volunteer for this?” That’s when Jensen places his hand on Misha’s knee and says “I got it” He’s like, babe seriously? You are gonna ask Jared to sing when you know I got the voice for it? Seriously? I’m right here babe. I sing to you every night and you gonna do me like this? I got this and you are mine.

He caresses that leg and gets very comfortable on it, draping his arm from the elbow down on it. Possessive much? It’s clearly not the first time he has parched on that leg. The hand was on that leg for 1 minute and 15 seconds. Yes, I counted.

The intimate way in which Jensen and Misha they are seated is so awkward that Jared scoots away from them.

 Damn, son. Jensen’s vocals are out of this world. So good.

Jesus Jared “Deeper, deeper feel it” Is that what they were screaming through the hotel walls last night? Tell us more.

Misha is so uncomfortable and Jensen is so done.

So overall this part was basically cockles being cockles, Jensen being possessive of Misha, Jared being Jared, Jensen being done, the girls are fighting and Misha is the referee. 

That’s the end of part 1.

Part 2

#cockles #j2m #cokles jib9 panel #jib9 #jibcon 2018