BTS Kinks & Turn Ons
Right, so I lost a bet with @iibonniee and she got to choose the next thing I posted from my project list. It’s also Tipsy Drabble Friday so guess who’s vibing~ This is more drunk headcanon than my other birth chart interpretations so be prepared for some certyfied shitposting.
Seokjin || Venus: Capricorn, Mars: Cancer || Kink: Roleplay
The bedroom is his stage and best believe he’s ready to put on a show. Be willing to follow his head and take direction to have the night of your life. Specifically, says he likes big tits, so there’s that. Can be a nympho at times.
Yoongi || Venus: Aries, Mars: Cancer || Kink: Daddy Dom
Yeah, I said it. Likes being in control, caring for his partner as well as punishing them (sugar and ice). Loves giving gifts he can use or see in use. Honestly a softie under that grumpy cat look. Very good at after care and dealing with subspace without going overboard. 10/10 best daddy. Tends to fall in love, especially with people who consistently hype him up and support his ideas.
Hoseok || Venus: Pisces, Mars: Aquarius || Kink: Phone Sex
Lures you in with sweetness and fluffy playfulness. Sensitive and romantic. Loves to surprise you. But will also call you up and turn you on no matter where you are or what you’re doing. At work? Touch yourself under the desk. At the mall? Find a dressing room and let him see what you have on under that shirt. Needs to hear you get off. Wants to make sure he stays on your mind when he’s not next to you.
Namjoon || Venus: Scorpio, Mars: Cancer || Kink: Orgasm Control
Deeply devoted to pleasing you and is fucking amazing at it. Just imagine that beautiful mind focused on making you cum as many times as you can take it. Of course, this comes at a cost: you cum at his command, over and over, until you use your safeword. Don’t tap out, baby. Will thoroughly fuck your mind before he does your body. Prone to jealousy and will ensure you remember no one else will ever fuck you as well as he can. And I ain’t even mad, tbh.
Jimin || Venus: Scorpio, Mars: Scorpio || Kink: Praise with dom tendencies
Not Serendipity coming on when I get to him. Even if you don’t know shit about astrology, you know looking at double Scorpio, it just makes fucking sense, right? Like, of course, he is. Little menace to my bias list. Alrighty, so another pleasure giving king who loves your attention. (Charlie Puth didn’t lie.) Can’t stand your mind being anywhere but on him when he gets you alone. Will fuck you stupid until you fall apart so he can put you back together to his liking. Save yourself. Lives for training and breaking you in. Sounds possessive but really it’s you possessing him. He’s that devoted to you when you steal his heart. It’s only fair, no? Will gladly let you lead once you’re as drunk on him as he is for you. There’s little he won’t do for you after that.
Taehyung || Venus: Aquarius, Mars: Capricorn || Kink: Brat Taming
Thinking about that time I read @tatertotthethot‘s The Dom Next Door and Tae had a tat on his hand that said YOUR THROAT HERE like yes. He’d thoroughly enjoy the challenge of getting you to submit. He wouldn’t even have to do anything special to punish you. Just ignoring you when you’re acting out is enough because you know the pleasure you’re missing out on. Like why bother? When you get it together, he’ll toy with you until you’re crying and shaking then punish you with dick. We support Big Dick Tae in this house. Lowkey and determined with a slight temper and a need to stay in control.
Jungkook || Venus: Libra, Mars: Scorpio || Kink: Auralism
A gentle lover who wants to make your relationship work. Just wants to be treated fairly and share everything with you. 🥺 What gets him going is your voice, the little moans you make when you taste something delicious or when he hits that spot just right. It seems simple, but does so much for him. Especially when your mouth’s right by his ear. He’ll do everything he can to hear your voice. If you leave him a voicemail, you can bet he’ll save it just to listen to later when he can’t get his hands on you.
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reposting one i read on reddit that got removed but i just need to know what tumblr thinks:
AITA for finishing in my girlfriend during the full moon, thinking it was not possible for her to be fertile?
I know the title sounds weird, but I promise this isn't a shitpost, metaphor, or a joke. I (20M) was raised by a single dad, never knew my mom who left me as a baby, and growing up I didn't really have many female (or male, tbh) friends.
The reason I say this is that I don't know all that much about female anatomy; yes, I had sex ed in school, but seriously don't remember anything except "wear a condom", basically.
I met my girlfriend "Beth" (21F) in college and she's the best. It's my first relationship, her second. We've been together for a little more than a year now, and had sex for the first time about half a year ago. After the first couple times, Beth told me that she has a really regular and average period that she's been keeping track of with an app since she was literally 14, plus in the last few years she also started taking her temperature to get even more accurate results; I didn't understand exactly how this works, but she was so reassuring and confident I didn't question it.
Ok, now this is where I might start sounding like an idiot... So she told me her period is an extremely regular 28 days, and she has literally only strayed from this pattern once since she was 14. I also am aware that moon cycles are 28 days. (Correction here: since this incident, I Googled and it's actually about 29 days... but that's besides the point I guess.)
Women tend to be associated with the moon, like Artemis; I truly, deeply believed that the moon phases and all women's menstrual cycles were inherently connected, but just like, different women had their more fertile days with full moons whereas for some it corresponds to a different moon phase, like the new moon, and this is why women differed.
So the reason Beth told me about her period being super regular is that she was confident she knew when she was or was not fertile, and told me she wanted me to finish in her on safe days. We've been having sex like this for the last four months where she tells me the window of time she's safe, she's happy, I'm happy, it's working fine.
I started noticing that the moon tends to be really full and bright every time we have unprotected sex, maybe not necessarily always on a "true" full moon, but definitely around that time. I made a mental note that my girlfriend is a "fertile during a new moon (when you can't see the moon)" sort of girl. If you're wondering why I never just outright asked her about this, it just seemed really obvious to me and I didn't see the point in talking to her about something potentially a little embarrassing for no reason.
June 3rd was the most recent true full moon, and I decided to sort of surprise her by inviting her to my apartment and just pouncing on her wordlessly as soon as she came in. She was into it, we had sex, I finished inside her, she didn't complain or stop me at all.
While cooling off, she remarked that she didn't remember telling me about her safe days in a while, so I must be tracking her period, which she actually thought was sweet lol. I said, "well of course it's a safe day, the moon is so bright". She asked me what I meant, and I said something like "I know you can't possibly get pregnant during a full moon".
She seemed really confused and started getting a bit tense, questioning me more, and I, also confused, started explaining to her about the moon cycle thing I fully believed up until that moment.
This is where she freaked out completely, jumped up and asked me if I was a complete moron. She started yelling at me and freaking out about how insane and irresponsible I was for finishing in her. I was truly shocked I had no idea what to say, especially because it WAS still truly a safe day, but she actually just grabbed her stuff and stormed off before I could do anything.
Well, after she left I googled a bunch of stuff and yep, turns out I'm completely incorrect. That being said, it WAS still a safe day for Beth and she wasn't actually upset about me finishing in her or anything, just the reason I did, I guess. So, AITA?
So generally I don't want to rerun posts from reddit unless it's your own story, but we'll make an exception just this once
What are these acronyms?
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Where they fall in omegaverse Dynamics (stardew edition)
A/N: no i don’t know what’s wrong with me but now we all get to experience the inner workings of my mind :) enjoy OBVIOUSLY KIDS ARE NOT INCLUDED I was gonna do everyone but decided I didn’t know enough about a lot of the characters so only people I know :)this is hella old btw
Tw: sexual mentions, cursing, some insults to certain characters but like that’s not new here.
Genre: shitpost, headcanons
Masterlist
Alpha- top of the hierarchy. Dominant, and usually in charge. Hot heads and breeders.
Abigail- i think she would be an alpha that acts like a beta or omega. No one would actually know she’s an alpha until she loses her temper or goes off scent blockers or something.
Alex- typical dudebro and will be doing the breeding thank you. I feel like he would be a stereotypical alpha like this is a given.
Sebastian- DONT KILL ME PLS this is kinda biased because I know for a fact that I am literally Penny but an actual person and he is the one I am attracted to so naturally I want to put him here. I am probably delusional but I also think he could take charge so hmph.
Shane- can’t see him being bred bc i think he would be doing the breeding. When he takes control of his insecurities and stuff I think he could be super confident and leader like. Just needs to not be depressed.
Pierre- it’s his personality tbh. Like while I desperately do not want him to be in this category based on how much I dislike him, he would go into this category purely because of how he acts. He wants the most money, he’a the “man of the house” and provider, he has a temper he would just be an annoying alpha.
Kent- sexy hawt military man is obviously an alpha. There is no way he is being bred, there is no way he is going to be the homemaker, being an alpha is literally the only thing that makes sense for him.
Mr.Qi - he gives off alpha vibes, no omega or beta could be this confident and mysterious for absolutely no reason other than just being that way idk.
Evelyn - she gives off the vibes that when she and George were younger they were the “it’s fine/HE ASKED FOR NO PICKLES” couple. I think she could whoop somebody’s ass back in the day.
Robin- she is the woman with a business, she is providing, she is building, she is alpha no question about it.
Gunther- it’s the way he tips his hat idk. Also the way he’s just like “oh you don’t have any cool artifacts? Get out of my face then.” Maybe not that mean but like vibes.
Sandy- HAVE YOU SEEN HER? she is alpha, the would never be a beta or omega that is not her style at all sorry.
Marlon- man kills monsters for a living. Like no omega is going to waste time on that or even do that if I’m honest. Leave monster killing to the people who don’t have other things to do.
Pam- she gives off alpha that had their omega leave them vibes and that’s why she’s a crappy mother because it was not supposed to be her job.
Lance- literally a fighter/adventurer. The man protects and attacks he has to be an alpha, there is no way an omega can do this, and due to him being an active adventurer, and him being protective makes him more alpha than beta.
Olivia- an alpha mother that wants her beta son(spoiler) to be more like her. She active in getting money, or at least I think she has stocks. And she’s more ambitious than I think an omega or beta would be.
Andy-is this because he gives off asshole vibes? Mayhaps. He just seems like he’s an alpha whose family left him so he’s bitter at the world. A corpo slave to so where else would he go?
Suki- boss bitch that actually sneaks into the capital(or whatever it is) and steals and gets other people to give her contraband so she can sell it to bitches at a high price for her risking her life. Would never bow down to anyone.
Beta- in the middle simply because they are neither dominant nor submissive. They do not give off smells nor do they have heats or ruts. Basic people tbh.
Emily- she is just vibes. No amount of sex or heats or ruts or pheromones will bother her. She is above that and is too busy making clothes for birds.
Leah- I think she would literally just be middle ground because she gives off those vibes. Also because I think she could possibly end up with either an alpha or omega, it literally doesn’t matter to her.
Maru- she is literally just science. I am sorry but there is no time for breeding and going feral because of heats, she needs to make this robot and she needs to make it now.
Harvey- I also would’ve put him in Omega but since he is a doctor I feel like that means he is a beta. Like I don’t think alpha or omegas would be able to have this job since instincts and stuff are a major part in how they act. Betas would be able to ignore everything else and just work idk.
Clint- doesn’t give omega vibes but definitely is not an alpha. Like not to jump on the Clint hate train, but he gives off angry beta vibes that wishes he was an alpha. He doesn’t have confidence, and he seems like a loser tbh. He probably wishes he was an alpha to get Emily, or even any girl that he likes, but doesn’t realize that she and maybe even the rest don’t really care if he’s an alpha or not so he’s mad for nothing.
Morris- he is literally just a worker bee. No sex, no love, just working and getting to the top and having money. The man is only ruled by money, no amount of good smelling things and sexy prospects will entice him.
Willy- a man who just wants to fish. He also gives off alpha vibes, but I think he is too comfortable to be around and too chill and level headed to be an alpha. Love him.
Magnus- I think he just magically made himself a beta in order to not have any distractions. Was married once, it was a mistake, he impregnated a person that lives in Pelican Town (*cough* Caroline *cough*) and she went back to her husband so he doesn’t want any other distractions. It’s only time for magic and protecting the town.
Linus- cannot be an alpha or omega and be comfortable living alone in a tent. He is just a nature man and it would not make any sense for him to be anything but a beta.
Demetrius- like father like daughter, the only thing that matters is science he just somehow ended up with a hot wife. She is happy being a provider and he is happy doing his science.
Grandpa- I have no idea I refuse to put him under either because it’s either admitting he is fuckable and submissive or dominant and a fucker. Absolutely not.
Lewis- hate him he has baby balls with how he treats Marnie, yeah he’s a leader being mayor, but no true alpha would act like this. He’s an asshole that is making himself seem like an even bigger asshole in an attempt to seem like an alpha.
Victor- is only ambitious about things he cares about, which is similar to the others on this list. Doesn’t wish to really do anything with his life other than what he is passionate about, like bridges.
Susan- all she wants to do is be on her farm as far as I know. I would’ve put her in alpha but she doesn’t give off those vibes she just seems normal? Like she’s able to take charge but won’t if she doesn’t have to?
Omega - definition of submissive and breedable. At the bottom of the hierarchy and their main purpose is to breed and serve the alphas. Sadge.
PENNY- the literal definition of submissive and breedable. Like yes? This is her actual dream? She would love this.
Haley- has the personality of an Alpha but is not one. Just extremely bratty. The right person will make her submit naturally and not just because of her status.
Sam- sweet boy Sam is deffo an omega. Maybe not super submissive but I think that underneath the childishness he would be a good homemaker. Like I think that his relationship with his younger brother shows that he is on the more nurturing side rather than the I have to provide side.
Elliott- Elliott stans don’t hate me. But he gives off worshiper vibes and not the person being worshipped. Maybe it’s his love notes and letters but I think he would do good with an alpha he could serenade all day.
Caroline- I feel like only an omega could deal with Pierre. She always complains about him working all the time and how he behaves but she never does anything about it. Omega behavior.
Jodi- an omega that hates being an omega. She is in charge of child rearing, and is the homemaker but hates it. Wishes she could be a beta and wishes she could’ve waited to get married and have kids. She is so unhappy this is her biology.
George- Evelyn’s bitch. I’m sorry. But like we all know that George is Evelyn’s sub. Idc.
Marnie- the most obvious out of the villagers that isn’t a bachelorette. Like yearns for a family and marriage and romance. She wants it, she needs it, unfortunately attached herself to an asshole.
Gus- yes he is a business man, but all he cares about is feeding everyone and providing a place for them to Hang out. He is an omega that found his calling in serving people instead of having kids and we love him for it.
Sophia- this girl isn’t Alpha at all. Like bffr she’s depressed, shy, and quiet. And her hobby is cosplay. Girl is one hundred percent an omega. Even though she owns her parents company, I think she isn’t like business motivated, only is happy that it’s this company specifically and allows her to garden idk.
Claire- she is different from the others on this list. Because she is motivated, she wants to be an actress and does work and provide for herself. I think though if she met the right person that would provide while she chases her dreams she would like it. Even her hobbies seem soft to me (reading, ballet. )
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yet another shitpost with a long list of fic ideas that rot in my head but i’ll probably never get around to writing. 😪😔
fandoms: bnha, sk8, ffxiv, jjk
kaoru x self insert oc. she’s got a whole backstory and everything. mostly fluff but also 🫣 we know how i feel abt my pretty princess. (rail me.)
daddy!kojiro. i feel like sk8 fans will know this doesn’t need an explanation.
matcha blossom x f!reader. again, self explanatory.
kiri x chubby reader with a size kink. it’s still sitting in my drafts with a beginning written out but yeah. kiri and size kink just flusters me a lot.
size queen destroyer kiri. he’s got major frat boy/fuck boy vibes. if i’m honest, i was antisocial in college. so i have no clue where i’d start aside from perv!bakusquad trying to set reader up with him. reader finds out how big he is before they’re introduced. bonus points for chubby reader but i might be too selfish/unrealistic on that one.
wolgraha soulmate/hanahaki fic. probably set in shb, but maybe post ew to lower the angst and tension a bit for my own sanity. unsure if they’d end up together or not but now crystal exarch and wol have two reasons they’re actively dying. 💀
another emetwol soulmate au also set in shb, but this time it’s openly known to each other when they meet bc (insert story explanation i’m not sharing). enemies to lovers bc frankly that’s the only way that pairing would ever have a chance in hell.
denki telling you to “use that freaky toy” on video call while he’s on a mission. i think @neon-gothicc has already started it though.
katsuki eating chubby reader out for the first time in their relationship. he’s almost begging for it. it’s deep in my drafts but tbqh i struggle with writing this kinda stuff so i typically don’t.
shinso x praise kink!reader. i’ve got a solid idea for it but never have the motivation.
special mention: size queen destroyer kats. 🫢
tw: dark content, etc. beyond this point
daddy!shota x bunny!reader in general, but in the specific fic i’m thinking of, there’s rope bondage involved. need i say more?
alpha!shota x omega!reader and becoming his mate. bonus points if it fleshes out the whole “alpha offices with relief rooms” idea.
werewolf!shota, maybe bunny!reader bc i’m self indulgent 🙄 but mostly just werewolf!shota.
more werewolf!kats and/or werewolf!eiji. i’m aching for it but also i get flustered just thinking about it so it never happens.
daddy!shota x piss kink!reader. no i won’t elaborate at this time. 😰
fauxcest dad bf!char (toji or geto tbh) x reader.
yes, i could continue, but i won’t. here’s to hoping some day i’ll get to a handful of these.
shitpost gremlins: @dcsiremc @bookcluberror @zazter-den @i-literally-cant-with-this @r4td0lll @naughtygobbo
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