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#I pray to god my parents never find this tbh
papirouge · 1 year
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I never got kicked out or be asked to leave a church or youth group before. Only got disowned lmao by my qanon parents (they actually pray to trump because they believe he’s the messiah) for quoting Matthew 25: 35-36 when they said that socialism (what they really meant was helping other people) isn’t biblical. So uh yea I’m dead to them lol even though they’re on benefits and still try to email me for money.. but I do it. And just pray for them tbh. Anyway, to anyone reading this too, keep Pakistan in your prayers with puerto rico and the women of Iran fighting for freedom. Free Palestine from zionists and fuck any lib fem thats quiet on this and an extra fuck you to the Christians that believe we should stay quiet and ignore it too. You know damn well brown Jesus himself would ask us to be as God wants us to be protective to those that need it against the arrows of the enemies
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No offense but your parents are a trainwreck 😭 bless their souls. I hope they'll come around though 🤍
The way USAmerican interchangeably use socialism, globalism and Communism like they were synonymous is just yet another reason why I will never take them seriously when it comes to political commentary 🥴 Anything involving any remote wealth distribution is cOmMuNIsm to them, and they will pull out all sorts of reach to argue it's paving the way for seizing their valuable (bc 100% of the time, people seeing communism everywhere are raging materialists)
I'm fascinated by the Trump cult/Q anon squad. American Christian nationalism at it's finest. Only the Whites could breed this brand of mess and I find it extremely exotic. I already said a Q anon movie would be awesome. Q was secret services plant tho. They wanted to see how guillible and stupid people could be. Q anon wouldn't have become that big if the world wasn't in dire need of a savior. But instead of looking out for the real Messiah (Jesus) they try to (forcefully) cosplay someone else as such. Here in Europe I feel like the same phenomenon happens with Poutine. His popularity among tradcath nationalists has become stellar.
And yes, the feminist are quite silent about Iran. Women are literally getting killed by the police but the reactions have been pretty tame so far .. Those women were louder when it came to defend Amber Heard because netizens were clowning her online....🥴 Tells you everything about their selective outrage. Arab women don't have allies in the West ; I already told how pro Palestine Arab women were called salafist by these whitefeminists... They are clowns who are not to be trusted, especially if you're a WOC.
Western Christians are on brand though: cowards and spineless lmao I hardly know any other Christian blogger calling out Israel and the mistreatment of Christians in Palestine so I'm not surprised they are only "protective" of themselves and their"White western Christian culture"....
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kabir052 · 2 years
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This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. I thought it would get better after school and I'd find friend for life in college. Don't get me wrong I did find them but I guess I set the bar so high in my mind that they couldn't possibly compete with that. But still I hadn't atleast lost the confidence that I had in myself, the confidence that I was smart, intelligent, studious and hard-working (atleast when it was required). I realised how tough it is outside the confines of hometown, your school, and your home friends. The best thing that ever happened to me was finding love in my bestest friend in college. And she did too (something I'll never understand, and we joke about it a lot saying she has "a bullet in her brain" #paradisePD) and so we dated. And it was magical. We were perfect. I forgot about my issues but they resurfaced after a while. We had to break up because of societal issues and religion. I'd be lying if I said we didn't have our problems but I truly believed we would've worked them out. I did have a depressive phase before but this is nothing like that one. I haven't had suicidal thoughts yet but more often than I'd admit, I find myself thinking how good it would be if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning. I don't have good medical facilities nearby me to get better. Tbh, I don't even know if I should. Last time when my parents found out I was taking antidepressants they flipped out and changed so much that I can't even recognise them anymore and they are of a different time period and don't believe in depression and mental health problems. My father even said "play some sports, keep a strong mind and pray to god, you don't need to take pills for feeling down". I couldn't believe he said that being a medical student and seeing people actually suffer from life threatening depression. But I did stop taking the pills, stopped seeing my psychiatrist. Started acting out, flunking classes, studying the bare minimum to pass, seeing my below average results and feeling even more depressed and confidence less, eating junk food, and pushing friends away. Now I am at the point in my life where if I don't turn this self destructive behaviour around I won't be able to achieve my life goals and dreams to be a medical practitioner in US.i don't even know why I am saying all this here. I guess I have no one else to vent to.
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momiamtired · 3 days
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i never met the dude. its fine tho i believe him i believe that he couldnt make it. he sent a voice message explaining why and it was really complicated so i just believe him yea. its sad tho. i require at least a lil bit of positive emotions rn and he was the only one who could try. my roommate left and idk when she will come back so i need to be fast ig. i noticed i explore my emotions every day more. i think i feel so bad here without a significant reason actually. i find it quite interesting that a week ago i wouldnt feel so bad here. and now i feel like my first days here. they werent that bad tho. not that i can remebmer tbh. ahhh im just so tired. my mid term is on wednsday and i finnished only one shapter. im cooked. i have a counsellor appointment today. will see what hes made of. dont have much hopes tho. its gonna be awkward ig. im also so lost in my thoughts and emotions that i cant quite tell what i feel and think ab it. i have so much to do. i need to find an apartment. this girl wrote to me today. guess she was expecting someone from vancouver lol. im sorry. our lil conversarion destroyed my day or evening ig. she is rich, studies here without cuaet visa and rents an apartment, also is doing pr rn. fuck u. fuck rich people. if i could kill all rich people but sell my sould to the devil i woulf do it. i just hate how hopeless i am. its like this new feeling. i started to expeerience it so often recently after the war started and bc of it im losing my mind. its the worst feeling i ever experienced. i cant quite identify what is that but i would its the feeling of feeling so hopeless that you dont want to wake up and see no point in anything. i also really like it when the life gives an opportunity to banish this feeling and then fucks with you and make everything so wrong and now ur just siiting like a fool with his hand empty and confussed. why? how could this happened? thats just unfair, isnt it? i cant believe this could happen to me. thats just silly. after all that i went through you want to say that the only thing ive been staying alive for is never will happen? wow thats just wow. thats just cruel. if god exists fuck you. but i guess millions of people dying rn bc of hunger could correlate to me lol. i still gonna pray tonight if i wont forget tho. thats just how my mind works. i dont believe i will leave this hell this summer but if i can i will try everything to change it. ah the exam. i guess i have to drink energy drink. and fuck up my sleep again. okay im not gonna do it srry my mark. okay i have to study really i hate u all i hate rich people i hate god for doing this to me and i hate this entire world i hate a meteorite will kill me and i wont feel sorry for my parents. well i guess ill just never know and never think of how they could feel after my death. i guess thats good
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automatismoateo · 9 months
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I stopped believing in God at 6 years old my story via /r/atheism
I stopped believing in God at 6 years old my story
Hi everyone ! I wanted to share my story because the more I think about it the more strange and peculiar it seems and I can't seem to find an explaination. I was born in Romania in a normally orthodox religious household , like not too religious but religious enough. ( I remember everything about my childhood from when I was 3 and life so far so yeah... tbh it's a curse sometimes) The first thoughts I remember having about god are : " I guess only god knows we're here at the park this late hour " or things like this but yeah that's where my thoughts stopped cause cartoons and toys we're my main passion at the time lol , even when my grandma prayed to me every night I thought it was silly but I accepted it because I knew she did it out of love. At 4 years old my parents migrated to Italy and they took me with them. They made me go to a nun catholic boarding school and my teachers were nuns. I loved my first nun teacher a lot she was really nice and really helped me integrate as it was not easy because other kids bullied me because I was romanian. We prayed every morning st school and the first thing I remember that makes me think I was not into religion was that I never ever payed attention to the prayers and hated them and thought it was boring and did the cross sign wrong on purpose because I thought it was a waste of time lol. We had 4 hours of religion a week so we studied the bible real well and drew jesus , sang about him , coloured colouring books of him , we went to church a lot and always hated it because I had to sit through hours of latin inscriptions by a priest and it was so boring it was totally against my will ecc... and I felt like it was all being pushed down my throat and hated it so much and all of thw jesus miracles and everything in the bible seemed to be unrealistic and scientifically impossible.
I was a huge science, archelogy kid and my dad read me history books ans science books every night instead of fairy tails lol. He also made me watch a lot scientific documentaries and he buyed a lot of science magazines so I was very much already on the side of truth and science. I have always been very curios and read encyclopedias for fun , I loved it so much probably cause it always proved me that science and history were based on actual facts and it gave me so much comfort and wonder. While the bible didn't really give me that feeling , it felt like made up stories to make god seem grand and make us bow down to him ( I was 6 when I formulated these thoughts so I think I just realized that quickly lol) .
There was this one time when we had to do an exercise on our religion book and it was a true or false exercise , it was like this : god created the earth and not the big bang created the earth : t f Adam and eve were the first humans and not homo habilis t f .... like this ; I remember our nun told us to put half true and half false ( we were studying prehistoric civilization at the time and she probably didn't want to confuse us ) anyway in that moment I wanted to rebel and hated the fact that the book was brainwashing us so I put f in all of the answers . In that moment I realized I did not believe in god , I realized I only believed in science. It felt like I was doing something wrong as I was going against everything I was being tought.
So I pretended I belived just for the nuns simpathy. Once she put up some toys for the good kids to be rewarded and I thought not to choose a toy but a picture of mother mary so she could praise me .... and she did. It felt really good . Kids hated me tho. I have to also mention how much religious trauma I got as nuns used to beat kids and make them sit on nut shells " because they did something wrong and god had to punish them" or beat our hand with a ruler because god wanted to or just used god as an excuse for violence only when I got older I realized this is common actually.
When I was 7 I started reading greek legends and chose to fake believe in them so out of rebellion I always said " oh my athena" " thank athena" . I still love those legends and related and resonated to greek gods a lot as they're so relatable lol. This is one of my biggest passions still today.
My dad was a big influence to me , still is. He is a history professor so I took his passion for history also he is against the church and religion fanatism he is also a rocker and heavy rock and religion don't really go hand in hand, W my dad. My mum is passionate about buddhism and I'm glad she is it's truly a wonderful religion , she was never religious in the first placed. My granny told me she actually stopped believing just a few years ago. So my family also influenced me I guess.
At 12 I was fully against the church and christianity and listened to simpathy for the devil by Rolling Stones out of rebellion. I started to realize how the church did terrible things to people and throughout history how many victims it made. Pedo priests News kept coming and I also hated how the church was against homosexuality as I have always praised freedom of love and gay people have kind of always been my favourite. To this day my gay friends are the best lol. I also hate the view of the church on women's biodies and I'm very pro choice. I understood the church just wanted to hold onto women's freedom. Also christians that excuse religion for their terrible actions it's beyond disgusting to me. Also all of this stigma and non education around sex, when sex it's healthy and beautiful. Waiting for marriage or doing it just to have kids will only cause frustration and rape scenarios.... also the thought of restricting pleasure because I might not go to heaven is awful and just not for me. I'm gonna live to the fullest and not have a sad life full of restrictions and then die and become dust. Also I choose to be kind and nice cause that's basic human decency and that should be everyone's choice regardless of being worried about doing good deeds...
Today I'm atheist agnostic as I don't believe personally but I don't deny the existente of any god as I believe religion is a human right. I just have encountered terrible christians and had bad experiences with religion.
I'm sorry this was long .... tell me your thoughts and thank you for reading this wall !
Submitted July 08, 2023 at 02:58PM by Born_Art_2111 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/3RPlgAB)
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daisyshimmer · 9 months
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06.27.23 2:04
i went to practice today, i did really bad but it's okay i tried my best, not really but i was scared and this sport just isn't for me. from now on i won't be going to practice again. i hate when it's monday (practice day) i hate getting ready i hate my family arguing before practice i hate that im scared before, during, after practice and I'm so glad i stopped. it's like a burden off my heart. i was so pressured to do good from my dad but now I don't have to do good, I don't have to do it at all. i will be looking for another sport or maybe go to the gym. this is my reminder that i need to heal my perfectionism before my senior year. the moment i dont perfect it on the first try i cry and lose hope and im just immediately discouraged. when im discouraged or feeling down i cant do anything. it's okay. tomorrow is arafa day. im questioning my religious beliefs right now and i don't pray I don't even know if my prayings will be heard by god, im considered infidel to him. tbh I'm just going to pray because im scared, im scared of god, im scared that this is going to be the right thing all along, after death, and i just wasted my life while those believers are happy in paradise. fear is taking over me. i will fast and pray in secret and hopefully, god will hear my prayers. i hope i come back next year to see them fulfilled.
i want to leave my abusive parents in the future when im independent. i want to get more than 95% in my senior year, i want to get into an abroad university as an international student in the us or uk or germany or europe in general, a university that is known it's good and it's actually good, i want to have a lot of money that will fulfill me, i want my mom to be strong enough to leave my dad and eventually leave him and get divorced for a better life, i want to see my old school friends and be happy meeting them just like old times, i want to have a boyfriend because i feel sooo unlovable or maybe not a boyfriend but i just want boys to have a crush on me lol, especially M.O ;) i want my mom to be forever happy with a lot of money, i want my dad to stop being abusive and have mercy on my mom and treat her good, maybe buy her a present and treat her this year! i want both my parents to stop saying im a lier and believe me more, i aant them to support me my whole senior year, i want my senior year to always have the motivation and power to study and never miss lessons, never be discouraged, always be hopeful, and make it a good year for me, god please make me only have good friends and make them closer to me, and move away bad people from me to never cross me in anyway shape or form, please make my cousin do well on her exams and have more than 95%, please make logy do well on her exams and have more than 95%, please show me the truth of people around me as soon as possible, good or bad, please make have some self esteem in myself, never make me lose myself to beauty traditions, make my heart always calm, please make me good with communication with people, please guide me and make me never ever say too much in a conversation, help me resolve my oversharing, please make me always speak the right amount and never annoy others, please make me loveable and make everyone like my setting, please resolve misogyny in the world and don't make a girl ever go through anything like that, please let me find the right husband for me or boyfriend who isnt a misogynist, treats me right, and always gentle with me, and truly loves me, make him just like the man in my fantasies or what you see fit me, a man that always Leeds me to the right thing that always supports me and helps me in house stuff, who is open minded, please make me believe in myself, make me beautiful in people eye's and most importantly mine, make me always know what to say and how to react, help me find the right sport, help me find the right boyfriend that will help me progress and feel loved this year, please god make me feel loved with or without a boyfriend, after this dream being in love is the best thing in the world please please please let me have a boyfriend pleeeeaaaase that loves me, and is actually attractive, i know this doesn't happen but make cute guys in love with me lol even if they don't show it, or make them show it it will make me feel loved, god please let me have motivation and courage to go to the gym, please god i want to be without acne without accutane before my senior year, i want to reach my best weight and be strong (55 kg) before my senior year, make me take my bike to summer vacation please, please help me resolve my anger issues, please let me have my dream room before senior year, please let me have the comfort believers have in you, make me feel like you actually love me and don't forget me, please make a successful woman, with a lot of money, make me know what i want in my future career in my senior year or even before and help me pursue it, please let me know the knowledge and always be educated, let me actually write read-worthy stuff on feminism, make me never lose arguments and always have the right thing to say in mind, especially in feminism arguments, please god appear in my dream, and make me remember my dream, that you will accept my duaa. please make me always return to you and always pray while actually wanting to. thank you :)
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archivedazmenka · 2 years
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@starfalled​ / 2, 6, 8, 9 for the book meme! book asks / accepting.
2. top 5 books of all time? oh god .  .  . of all time? how are people able to answer that? this is probably not a correct top 5 list because my brain tends to forget awesome things I’ve read or experienced but it’s a top 5 list of books I remember loving when I read (and probably re-read ) them. 1. The d’Artagnan Romances by Alexandre Dumas 2. Ghost Story by Peter Straub 3. The Green Mile by Stephen King 4. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 5. A Secret History by Donna Tartt 6. what books have you read in the last month? hold on, lemme get my list ( yeah, I track my read books for some reason ) Mr Mercedes by Stephen King If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio Das Joshua Profil by Sebastian Fitzek The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller 8. what is the first book you remember reading yourself? I don’t exactly remember reading it myself but my mom told me it was the first book I ever read myself, so I guess that counts? it’s called ‘Findefuchs’ in German and I can’t find an English equivalent unfortunately, but it’s a kid’s book about a little fox cub who’s mother gets killed and another fox finds the cub and decides to bring it home to her own family. she has to keep the cub save on the journey back and runs into some trouble but eventually makes it home. when a neighbour fox asks to see the “findefuchs” (found fox? I guess?) the fox mom can’t tell the new cub apart from her own cubs anymore. it’s a book my parents used to gently teach me that I was adopted and tbh, it worked. 9. when do you tend to read most? in the morning as part of my daily morning routine. 5am alarm, 15 min meditation, journaling, daily tarot, and then I’ll sit down with a cup of tea and whatever book I’m reading and read for about an hour. sometimes two if the story is too exciting. I very rarely read in the afternoon and never at night.
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sparrow-stunned · 2 years
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I can just imagine zhongli's child going to osial and beisht since I know that beisht is not actually dead I don't know about osial tbh after the whole jade chamber thing but anyways imagine his baby going to them for marriage advice between god's as the two of them are the only god's she knows that are married in the current day of age essentially seeing as how it is a good one for beisht to want to take vengeance
Or because of the lantern rite this year darling bring Venti to celebrate as newly weds when all papa Zhongli wanted was to enjoy the holiday with his little one and try to find more loop holes he can use to get them away from Venti only to see him with his baby as well doing something he never wanted to see handholding and kissing and I can only pray for Venti if he talked about him and darling wanting to start a family of their own Zhongli is going to pass out again
ohhh god, that's just rubbing salt into beisht/osial's wounds. not only were they defeated not by adepti/gods, but by puny mortals and a stupid sky rock, now their mortal enemies' child come to them looking for love advice??
so beisht is just minding her business after that humiliating defeat, licking her wounds while trying to avoid liyue so that she can build up her strength and take revenge. then all of a sudden pops out zhongli's spawn.
darling: hi beisht... so i know that you're mad because of the whole stabbing your husband with stone spears, AND dumping the jade chamber on him... anyway. you have a good relationship with osial right? if you went so far to attack liyue to take revenge for him
beisht: feral growling noises from all three of her heads, eyes just like "what the hell are you talking about, spawn of morax??"
darling waves their hand and just keeps going: yeah, i know you're mad. but i need to know how you're supposed to deal with your parent hating your husband. i mean, i just want them to get along, since i love them both too much to pick a side... not that i can, because venti will probably be impaled by my father immediately if i abandon him
i'm imagining darling just rambling on and on about their marriage life, and beisht, after realizing the godling means no harm and IS actually just there to talk, starts nodding along. complains about her own marital problems—do you know how hard it is to visit your husband when he's in prison, morax is so stingy with visitor hours, osial never remembers our anniversary, etc. etc.
when darling mentions that venti never gave them a ring, beisht just growls: why are you with this waste of space. he sounds like a tool. you can do so much better.
and that's the story of how beisht and darling became besties, by bonding over family issues.
meanwhile, it's the lantern rites, where venti and zhongli have to grudgingly get along until darling gets back from their trip. they don't know any details, but darling had glared at them and said if they don't get along darling's going to never speak to them again—"and that includes you, father! don't murder him..." a pause "too much."
zhongli, immediately after darling leaves, pulls out a thick ass tome of liyue's legal code, trying to intimidate venti into thinking their marriage is invalid (it's not, yanfei did their paperworks). venti nodding along, chills down his back from the gleam in zhongli's eyes, silently praying for darling to get back quicker because otherwise, you might be widowed by the time you come back
and then zhongli starts talking about boundaries that need to be set. seeing his child and venti do couple-y things like handholding—or archons forbid, kissing—is going to make him either throw up or get another aneurysm.
so the rules: 1. no touching darling when i'm here. 2. no talking to them. 3. no looking at them. 4. don't even breathe in their direction. 5. ten metres apart at all time
venti's there like... ehe, zhongli... that sounds more like a restraining order more than anything else. zhongli gives him a deadpan stare and says flatly, "so you're not as stupid as i thought you were."
(bonus:
when venti accidentally mentions wanting to start a family and have children with darling, zhongli just stops breathing. "child-children?" he says, foaming at the mouth. eyes blank out and roll up in the back of his head. fingers start twitching. just turns to stone.
venti looks on with horror, thinking about whether he should just run for it. but then xiao and ganyu pop out of nowhere. looks at each other and sighs. "again?" they'll say, giving venti the stink eye, and then dump zhonngli's unresponsive body away in a wheelbarrow, so they can get madame ping to revive him.)
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pumpumdemsugah · 2 years
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I'm the bi girl anon who asked about asking girls out. I think i made a mistake. I told my Nigerian mom i was bi and it just went downhill from there. She was threatening to tell the whole family and was hyperfocused on me being attracted to women when i told her i might marry one. She called me sinful and everything. So know I have to pretend to put "it" out of my mind to appease her, and pray harder. How do you deal with homophobic/Biphobic parents?
I'm awake for no reason but here's the thing... you don't have to be honest
I find lying hard but I've never actually said the words to my family " I'm straight". I think with how much people confess online it makes people think you need to do the same offline. You don't. I'm out to only my friends and it will stay that way until I feel more established
I'm fake as hell to my family wrt to my sexuality but I never outright lie. Lying feels serious but being fake is about a show. Tell you mother you're a god fearing woman, who only wants to make her proud and you don't want her to worry about you. Shit ham up the , you've made sacrifices for me. And maybe that will disarm her enough that she will drop it. Make up whatever shit you need that will work on her without ever actually fully lying to yourself about what you are tbh...lie all you need to. I don't judge. I want you to get a degree, have gay friends and get a girlfriend and all that can be done while your mother is 100% ignorant.
You deserve better but navigating homophobic family members is largely about establishing yourself so their threats mean nothing and keeping them out the loop
Nurture your sexuality in places and around people where you don't have to fight. You don't owe honesty to people that will punish you for it.
Lie. Be fake. Say it's exam stress is getting to your head. Some battles are easier to fight once you have an education, a career and your own place. Live a double life. And typically parents get less bi/ homophobic as you get older, especially if you throw out very mild " we must treat all humans with respect" as your go to when it comes to LGBT people around hateful family members. Mine did but she's no ally lol
Cultivate the skill of being extremely fake about your sexuality to your family. Maybe don't bring up god actually, she might try to push religious fundamentalism on you
Dishonesty is your friend luv
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bunnirs · 4 years
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Yandere! Gon and Killua with a S/O who tries to leave
Requested by: Anon!
“I don’t know if you do any yandere stuff but if you do I was wondering how would yandere killua and gon react to thier s/o trying to leave them for Accidentally Cheating. Thx love your blog”
First Gon and Killua request!! I’m so excited! For the sake of all things holy, ALL CHARACTERS WILL BE AGED UP A BIT. especially with the cheating thing 👉👈 UMM ALSO THIS IS MY FIRST EVER YANDERE TYPE THING SO IM SORRY 😭
Gon:
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Alright this dude doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he cheated
HE THINKS ITS NORMAL??
And to think you’d get so upset over him ‘cheating’ on you??
He would never! He was just being ‘nice’ to one of tourists of Whale Island
A little to nice.
He’s the type of Yandere that thinks what he does is completely fine! He thinks he’s doing the right thing!
So that’s where you had enough.
Gon was a lunatic and you had to get away
Maybe you’d call Leorio or Kurapika, they’d help you
That’s all you had to do
Get to a pay phone and dial Leorio or Kurapika
So while Gon had left to do God knows what..
You packed your shit and walked out the door
Surprisingly.. you got to the pay phone rather easily
Your paranoia had shot up with the risk of getting caught
Like 📈📈📈📈📈
You made the decision to call Kurapika. He was more serious with this stuff.
You waited for Kurapika until it was dark out
But he came all the same
But you hadn’t expected to see Gon right behind him
That’s right. Gon had said something about visiting Kurapika. Shit.
You were an idiot not to pay closer attention
Fuck fuck fuck he looks mad
His eyes were avoid of anything,,,
His soulless hues stared into your own, and you felt like you could throw up
Kurapika seemed rather worried, asking what happened while Gon was gone
You couldn’t tell him about Gon being a psycho
He wouldn’t believe you.. right?
You made the choice in saying that someone had tried to hurt you, and with Gon away, you didn’t know what to do
Kurapika sighed and said he’d get a hotel and would scout the island for any suspicious behavior,,,
But he didn’t know that Gon WAS the culprit.
Soon after that, you went home with Gon.
“....You lied to him, Y/N.” There was a pregnant pause before your name, almost like it was hard for him to pronounce. “You never lie.”
“...Gon....” You said quietly, not prepared for whatever the hell he was going to say.
“Is this about the woman?” Gon narrowed his eyes at his feet, which moved as the both of you took the road to his house.
“No I just-“ you went quiet, not knowing what to say. Make something up. Fast. “I just wanted to.. get away from the island a bit.”
“Get away?” Gon’s dark expression changed into one of confusion. “Do you not like it here?”
“No! I like it here!” You said abruptly, your eyes widening. “It’s just, I was thinking of visiting my parents! See what they’re up too!” You nervously laughed, praying he didn’t notice your smile faulter.
“...Oh well...that’s easy.” Gon smiled at you, and for a second, you thought you did something good. “They’re up to nothing.” His eyes darkened, his smile widening a bit.
“Nothing?” You questioned, confused.
“They’re dead.” Gon hummed. “They kept trying to get in my way.. so I put them out of their misery. They missed you a lot.. and kept saying I kidnapped you! Which isn’t true right?”
You didn’t say anything. Nothing at all. The only thing that escaped your mouth were the harsh sobs, which seemed to shake your whole body. You fell to the ground, the rough asphalt slicing your knees, the stinging couldn’t compare to the state your heart was in.
“...Oh..” His voice lowered, the slight evidence of worry laced his tone. “.....Can you not speak..?” He grabbed your hand, kneeling before you.
You smacked his hand away, falling onto your back. “G-get the hell away from me!” You screamed, your hands slipping on the bloodied gravel below you. You kept trying to stand up, but it seemed that gravity pushed against you even harder than before. “Go away! For gods sake just leave me alone!”
He stared at his hand for about a minute, his mouth wide and agape. “Leave.. you alone? While your upset?” He seemed hurt, his eyes swelling up, tears appearing. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you like this! You’re hurting!”
“Because of you! I’m HURTING BECAUSE OF YOU!” You screamed in his face, somehow gaining the strength to sit up.
“.......I didn’t hurt you! I would never hurt you!” His voice gained in volume, almost like he was panicking. “I just did what was best for both of us!”
“You did what was best for you!” You shoved your finger into his chest, your nail almost bending due to the pressure. “You never think about me! You force me to stay with you! I never wanted something like this! I-“
“Shut up.” Gon said suddenly, shadow overcasting his facial features. “Everything I do is for you... don’t you dare say it isn’t!” His hand quickly grabbed your wrist, the sickening sound of bone being crushed seemed to echo in your ears.
“Y-you’re hurting me... right now... you’re hurting me..” you whispered, trying your best not to cry even more. Your head already hurt from the screaming, the pain adding to your desire to pass out.
“You don’t know real pain.” He said coldly. “But you’ll find out soon.”
That’s all you heard before you eyes seemed to close, your body falling forward into someone’s warm embrace, the air being knocked out of you.
“But everything I do... is for you.. Y/N.”
Killua:
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Thing is I don’t see him cheating :(
He’s so closed off as is, so it’s surprising he’s in love with you anyway!!
He’s definetly the Yandere who thinks that you need him
Like you’d be in danger without him
He’s definitely convinced himself that you’d die if you weren’t with him
And that makes him so friggin sad
He wants you to be happy
But he wants you to be safe first.
So, if you try to escape, that’ll make him even more broken inside
He’s a tragic yandere tbh
Wants to give you happiness and love, but he can’t let you out of his sight 😭
So you probably try to leave when he kills someone that was close to you
Probably a guy friend of yours
He felt like he was dangerous, and couldn’t have him taking you away
So he murdered him on the spot with a quick hand through the heart, his nails bloodied.
That was the last straw. You were living with a murderer.
How you would get out? You had no idea
You were in the Zoldyck Mansion. Locked away.
If anything, you could try talking to Canary. She liked you. A lot.
So that’s what you did. You told Canary everything.
She believed you almost immediately. She knew the Zoldycks were cruel... Killua included, no matter how much she liked him.
She’d try to smuggle you outside the gate
Hopefully the security guard would understand
That’s what got you here, standing from right inside the testing gate, Killua before you.
Canary was long gone. She had to stop the butlers from following you.. so you were alone.
“....What are you doing so far from home...?” He questioned, his eyes widened at the sight of you with bags in your hands. “It’s dangerous out here.”
“Killua, we’re inside the gate. You know it’s plenty safe out here.” You narrowed your eyes, nails digging into the leather holsters of your bag. You couldn’t back down now. “Besides, I can protect myself if need be.”
“.....Of course you can. I don’t doubt your abilities.” Killua rolled his eyes, his attitude returning to normal. “I wouldn’t date someone who can’t protect themselves.”
“....Then why don’t you act like that?” You felt a pang in your chest. He made it seems like you were weak.... He made it seem like you were helpless. Why would he do that?
“Act like what? Protective? I can’t do that?” He questioned, his defensive tone making itself clear.
“That is not what this is.” You countered, stepping back a bit. “You know this isn’t you being protective! You act like I’m fragile! Some glass vase that’ll break if someone pushes me to hard! I’m not! I’m a professional hunter just like you!”
“...You don’t act like it.” He pouted, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“How can you be so childish right now!? This is why I need to leave!” You stepped forward, your voice gaining in volume.
“...Leaving is a need? Are you sure you just don’t want it?” He stepped towards you, his voice getting low. He was definitely getting pissed off now.
“I haven’t been outside the gate in years Killua! You know how ridiculous that sounds?! Last time I interacted with someone from outside this gate, you fucking murdered them! He was my friend!”
“He was trying to hurt you!” Killua responded, his eyes darkening. “He was inviting you outside the gate! And by yourself no less! He could’ve hurt you!”
“Going out the gate isn’t a death sentence! I need fresh air Killua! I need to see people!” You continued to yell, throwing your hands up in the air dramatically, the bag in your hand almost being flung off to the side.
“You see my family everyday! They’re people!” Killua scoffed. “barely...” he muttered to himself, getting lost in thought.
“What if I don’t want to see your family anymore?! What if I don’t want to see you?!” You gasped right after the words left your mouth, hands covered your lips, almost in disbelief of what you had just said.
As your thoughts consumed you, you felt a slight pain in your abdomen, your body falling to the ground. Your bags cluttered around you, creating what ironically looked like a crime scene. He had just pushed you. That’s never happened before.
Killua stood above you, his eyes pulsating with dark intent, his aura covering for what seemed like miles. “....Don’t you ever say that!” He yelled out, tears almost appearing in his empty voids. “I might believe it one day! That you don’t need me anymore!” He grabbed the collar of your shirt, so his eyes could look into yours. “I can’t lose you like everyone else! Don’t leave me behind! I used to think you needed me but now I think it’s the other way around!” He cried out, tears threatening to spill. “I have to protect you with everything I have! I’ll continue to kill the people who try to take you away! So please don’t make this hard! I know you want to leave! I understand! But that can’t happen!”
You were quiet, your body feeling limp as he had hit a sensitive point on your body. “O-okay...” you muttered out, tears brimming the corners of your eyes. “I’ll stay.... I-“
Before you can finish, Killua hugged you tighter than ever before, knocking the air out of you. You felt like you could pass out, that feeling soon coming to reality as black dots filled your vision. He had somehow managed to manipulated you again. His worry getting the best of you.
Curse you for being so damn sympathetic.
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winslowat3am · 3 years
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Hello. My name is Nica. I want to stay anon until I get comfortable and I‘m not good with new people. But my question is, how do you advise someone to deal with their depression? Do you know any remedies that help with chronic sadness? Or panic attacks? My life isn‘t where I want it to be atm, dealing with a lot of stuff and I don‘t have any friends to talk to or get help from. Sorry if I‘m bothering you in the morning I just saw that you‘re leaving tumblr and it triggered an attack and I feel like crying. You were the one blog I liked and how you helped people and now I don‘t have anybody :/
Omg. No, no, no, you're not bothering me at all, & you're not just going to wake up one day & my account is going to be deactivated. I'll tell you all when I'm leaving & chances are I still won't deactivate, just cause. I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you. It was just an idea I had. I used to have really bad panic attacks to a point were my muscles would hurt for days, I had to be taken in an ambulance & put on meds cause I had them daily for like a month. I wouldn't eat, I was constantly snapping on people & irritated. I turned into someone who isn't me. My family noticed the change & pointed it out & I snapped on them for that. It was that bad. And this was recent, this wasn't like 5 years ago, all this happened LAST year. So I know from experience how difficult & painful what you're going through right now can be.
Even though I still have anxiety sometimes, I learned how to stop the attacks from happening, I don't have them anymore. But before then my doctor wanted to put me in a psych ward, (yeah, he literally recommended that) & I took Xanax (& Zoloft for two days) for a while, then it stopped helping, so he wanted to increase my dose. And I didn't want to become an addict or dependent on meds (I personally don't believe in taking meds for mental illnesses), so one day I just decided "fuck it, I'm not taking anything anymore" & I realized in that moment that the decision I made scared me a fucking lot cause I wasn't going to have anything to run to, but ultimately it was going to help me. I had to hurt & pray A LOT before I got better. While I was going through it I felt so hopeless & lost & I started questioning my faith in God cause I didn't feel like anything was changing, I felt worse tbh. I remember one night I just completely gave up & I drove to my mom's house in the middle of the night cause I didn't know what else to do. We went for a walk & talked until the sun came up. I never call my parents when I'm going through something terrible, I always try to resolve my problems on my own, so if I call them it's serious. But with time I got better. And I'm happier. So I'm living proof that you CAN overcome your biggest demons. My advice to you would be to start slow, you won't get better overnight. It's going to take time & it's going to hurt - I won't lie to you, but you WILL prevail in the end. But for now, distract yourself, get on your phone & find a funny video. Give yourself time to breathe & realize you're safe. That feeling will pass & you'll be okay again. & if you ever need someone to talk to to help you calm down, come hop in my dm's & we can hang out until you feel better. You don't have to be alone. & you definitely don't have to suffer alone. I often get people who ask me for advice in handling depression, that's partially the reason I haven't left Tumblr. I wouldn't want to abandon anybody. I'm so sorry you're going through this, honey. I hope things get better for you. Literally if you need me to just stay here for you just to help you, I will. & if you need any more resources in dealing with anxiety/depression, dm me. I'm so sorry for triggering you. I'll choose my words more carefully next time. Bless your heart, I'll pray for you.
💙
Organizations:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH); 866-615-6464
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI); 800-950-NAMI (800-950-6264)
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA); 240-485-1001
American Psychiatric Association; 800-357-7924
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Mental Health (CDC); 800-CDC-INFO (800-232-4636)
American Psychological Association; 800-374-2721
~•••~
Coping, Advocacy, and Support:
Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Support Groups
The Anxiety Network: Help and Support
Anxiety Central: Forums
~•••~
Medications for Anxiety Disorders (talk to your doctor first):
Cymbalta (duloxetine)
Celexa (citalopram)
Zoloft (sertraline)
Anafranil (clomipramine)
Prozac (fluoxetine)
Paxil (paroxetine)
Xanax (alprazolam)
Klonopin (clonazepam)
BuSpar (buspirone)
Valium (diazepam)
Ativan (lorazepam)
Lexapro (escitalopram)
~•••~
Links:
https://www.counseling.org/knowledge-center/mental-health-resources/anxiety
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad/resources
https://blog.thetransitionhouse.org/anxiety-help-and-resources-1
https://www.rtor.org/anxiety/
https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Anxiety-Disorders
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I H o p e Y o u ' r e O k a y
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His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 7 *FINALE* (Thoughts and Rambles)
We have a LOT to unpack here oh my god oh my god
When I say I was screaming and yelling during the episode, I mean I was LITERALLY screaming and yelling
This post is mostly screeching and capital letters, you’ve been warned
“So cold” “life or death meant nothing” - well shit. Accurate description of a Spectre attack damn
I didn’t know what those creepy noises were at first and I was sat here absolutely TERRIFIED because it was creepy as fuck. Then I realized it was cliff ghasts because they said something that I recognized from the book and I was like “oh shit”
Pan and Will talking is the sweetest omg
The fact that Pan told him that Lyra thinks he’s as brave as King Iorek Byrnison :’)
“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had” “You’re her best friend too” - STOP, MY HEART
Lyra was awake and heard the whole conversation :3
“I’m no longer an aeronaut” :( “I’m an insect” - LMAO
Hester and Lee’s banter remains my favourite thing and now it’s bittersweet tbh...
“You could never be an insect, Lee” “Okay, hare” - bless them
Marisa finding where Lyra was staying and then finding Lyra’s coat?? And crying with it pressed to her face?? :’(
In case I haven’t mentioned it already, I am incredibly gay for the witches/their aesthetic/costume. Absolutely beautiful queens, all of them
Oh hi, it’s Mary and the two kids!
The fact that Mary helped them find their adults :’)
Also, “We like you miss” - BLESS
I’m kind of confused as to whether the blue flower petals are important or if it’s just her smelling them? IDK
“I’m close to my father, it’s time I found him” - OOF OKAY UMM ARE YOU SURE
“I let my best friend down” - Noooo Lyra, no you didn’t! :( Your dad is a terrible parent and killed him, that’s not your fault!
“Maybe this is how I let you down” - Well done, Asriel and Marisa, you’ve fucked up a perfectly fine child is what you’ve done
Will telling Lyra that she hasn’t let him down :3
That witch turning up because she was trying to warn Marisa about the spectres, only for Marisa to torture and kill her... oof
FUCKING MONKEY I CAN’T DECIDE HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM
“She’s MY daughter” - Okay, damn, lady...
“EVE. She’s the mother of all” - OH FUCK YOU TOLD HER. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
THE SPECTRE ATE HER DÆMON OMG NO THIS IS HORRIFYING WTAF
Seriously, the way the witch went so grey and lifeless and just fell to her knees and down... Urgh, my stomach is turning
Just when I thought I hated the monkey again, he starts whimpering because he’s afraid of the Spectres :(
“Stop whimpering” - DAMN MARISA YOU ARE A STONE COLD BITCH HUH
Pan being the damn voice of reason and telling Lyra they should stay with the witches like yes, Lyra, listen to him for once!!!
Okay but why are the Magisterium soldiers lowkey dressed like German soldiers from one of the World Wars???
I’m not really surprised that BBC left out the detail of Ruta and Asriel fucking when she found him to be honest XD
So the witches think that the Æsahættr is a person but it’s actually the KNIFE. AND THEY DON’T REALIZE. RUTA YOU DON’T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE, IT’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE
“...That’s not my dæmon.” “Run.” - OH SHIT OKAY MY WHOLE BODY JUST TENSED UP
So umm Lee got shot and FUCK NO FUCK NO I’M NOT READY FOR THIS EMOTIONALLY THANKS
I LITERALLY DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN OKAY
“You’re either with me or against me” Umm he’s your dæmon?!?!
THE WAY SHE SCREAMED AT HIM OH MY GOD SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFYING HOLY CRAP
“What are you frightened of?” - oh, I don’t know, Marisa, maybe because YOU FUCKING SCREECHED AT HIM. MAYBE HE’S FRIGHTENED OF YOU
Also I love the detail of Marisa getting onto her hands and knees, sort of crouching and mirroring the monkey’s body language. I just love the parallel
The way the monkey flinched from her when she went to touch him omg :( No dæmon should be THIS afraid of their person (or at all?!?!)
Honestly, I find this series’ portrayal of Marisa fascinating tbh
“We have to do whatever it takes to keep her safe” - Umm, like maybe drugging her and hiding her in a cave for months? 🤔
Also in case I didn’t say this before, the fact she has complete control of the Spectres is fucking scary and always has been from the very first time I read the books
Okay so Lee is fully aware that he’s going to die if he stays behind but he does it because he knows that it’s the best chance of making sure that Lyra ends up under the knife’s protection (because Jopari will find her). All Lee wants is for Lyra to be safe and that hurts my heart so much, he loves this child so much :’(
“I love that little girl like a daughter” - LEE STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY BREAKING AS IT IS
NO NO NO NO I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL BE READY
Oh hey Red PAN-da (sorry I know I keep repeating that joke but honestly LOOK AT HIM)
“Once I change, you’ll stop changing” - OH SHIT. So we’re having THAT conversation then
“What do you think you’ll be?” “A flea I hope” - LMFAO I LOVE IT
“Is it Will that’s changing you?” “I think” - FORESHADOWING FOR AMBER SPYGLASS ANYONE?!
All the meanwhile, while Lee is dying and shit is going down, Ms Mary Malone is just chilling in a cave on a mountain by a waterfall, just reading
I literally struggled to watch Lee’s final scenes. I literally didn’t want to watch it because I cried reading it in the book, and I knew I’d be the same here
The fact that Lee HATES taking away people’s lives but he says “it’s theirs or Lyra’s”... I love him. He loves her so much.
“Think about anything, think about bacon!” - LMFAO I LOVE YOU HESTER YOU ABSOLUTE GEM
THE BULLET CLIPPED HIS SCALP AND I HAD A HEART ATTACK 
“This is my fault, isn’t it?” - NO HESTER NO DON’T YOU DARE BLAME YOURSELF DARLIN’, YOU ARE THE BEST AND WE LOVE YOU AND LEE LOVES YOU
I do this everytime I read the book and I did here even though I know what happens, but I was praying mentally that maybe Serafina would reach Lee in time... just maybe...
I’m really sitting here crying over Hester and Lee on a Sunday night, love that for me
Hester limping :(
“Don’t you go before I do” - FUCK YOU BBC AND PHILIP I’M SOBBING MY EYES OUT
“Oh how far we flew” - STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW I SWEAR-
I literally yelled and cried out “NOOO” when Hester faded away and Lee died. I am so upset even though I KNEW it was coming. I am literally not okay.
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Oh god no Will, now is not the time to be walking away from Lyra and that witch 
Also why is that witch asleep on guard?? Come on, love, do better, it’s not like these are the two most important children in all the universes.... 
To be fair to Marisa, I’d feel pretty invincible if I were climbing up a mountain while the Spectres were guarding me/on my side
WILL AND JOHN FINALLY MET AHHHH
“I was told I’d find my father here”  - YEAH AND THAT’S HIM WILL ASDFGHJKL;
I’m low-key disappointed that there’s no brawl between Will and Jopari here. Like they instantly recognize each other and... hmm. I know there has to be changes but still.
“Your mother, Will, where is she?” - Awww. John really didn’t stop loving her :’)
“My son... is the Knife Bearer” - oooooohhhhhhh
“You have a dæmon” - that’s right, Will. Don’t worry, you’ll get one next season
The way I audible went “oh shIT” when Mrs Coulter found Lyra fast asleep. Like I said, I knew what was going to happen but STILL
I’m not really surprised that those Spectres killed the witch who was supposed to be guarding Lyra and Will tbh like that’s what happens when only ONE witch guards two teenagers and that witch falls asleep
The way that Lyra panicked when she woke up and saw her mother stroking her cheek omg 
Off topic but I’ve only just realized that Jopari has a fucking man-bun LMFAO OKAY
The fact that Jopari tried to get back to Will and Elaine but couldn’t will always hurt me
“And you chose these people over your family?” - I MEAN-
“I’ve thought about you every day.” - Awww
So John tells Will that he has to go to Asriel and bring him the knife, and he tells him all about the war that’s coming and I have LITERAL chills because I’m so ready
“And then we go home?” “... And then we go home.” - RIP MY HEART OUT, IT WOULD HURT LESS
“I’m not strong enough” - yes you are, Will! I promise you, you are! And Jopari says, “Both of us were brought here” - exactly! You were brought there for a reason by fate or whatever you want to call it!
“Your duty was to be my father” - WILL REALLY CAME FOR HIS DAD LIKE THAT I GUESS
“Look what you’ve become without me” - Oh my god, just when I thought I wasn’t going to cry again
JOPARI HUGGING WILL, SEEING THE SOLDIER AIMING, AND THEN PUTTING HIMSELF BETWEEN THEM SO HE TOOK THE BULLET INSTEAD OF WILL ASDFGHJKL;
So in the book, Jopari is killed by a scorned witch who had once asked him to be her lover, but he had turned her down (because of Elaine and Will obviously), and she kills Jopari in front of Will and then he kills her (I think?). But here it’s just a soldier leftover from the Lee vs Magisterium fight, so... yeah. Kind of a little peeved about the change personally but whatever I guess.
“The night is full of angels, they will guide you now” - AHHHHH
Also, might just be me, but maybe that line would have been slightly more impactful if the scene had taken place at night
This show really said “fuck healthy parental figures” I guess
Except Will’s mum, she’s the best and if anything were to happen to her we’d all riot
SAYAN KÖTÖR FADING AWAY NOOOO I HATE SEEING DÆMONS DIE
Okay, last little gripe, but I just wanted to say that in the book, Will doesn’t realize it’s his dad until literally the last second before his dad dies - like they both realize and then BAM, Jopari is killed. And while I do love the father-son reunion, I am kind of annoyed by the change because it was such a huge punch in the gut in the book that Will searches for so long for his dad, only to lose him the second he finds him.
Serafina finding Lee’s body and kissing his forehead was yet another punch in the gut, thanks Pullman/BBC/BadWolf
The fact that Will had to bury his dad :(
Also, WILL WEARING JOPARI’S JACKET OH MY GOD MY HEART
Oof that shot of his amputated fingers...
So the narration, when it started I thought it was Jopari at first, like from one of his letters... but then as it continued, I went “hang on”, and then I said outloud “wait, is that ASRIEL?!”
DID MARISA REALLY PUT LYRA IN A FUCKING TRUNK?!? BITCH ARE YOU OKAY?!?
Will putting his hood up like his dad did just hits differently
Okay so um ASRIEL HI I WASN’T EXPECTING TO SEE YOU THIS SEASON OH MY GOD THE SCREAM I LET OUT
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HIS MONOLOGUE BY THE WAY IS FUCKING ART AND A MASTERPIECE BUT I WAS TOO BUSY CRYING OVER JAMES MCAVOY TO WRITE THE WHOLE MONOLOGUE DOWN
Oh, hi Stelmaria!
It always makes me scream that this man is not only Lord Asriel now but he’s also fucking Mr Tumnus and MOTHERFUCKING BILL DENBROUGH LIKE HOW IS THIS MAN INVOLVED IN SO MANY OF MY FANDOMS?!?
ANGELS ANGELS OH MY FUCKING GOD-
“We stand with you, Asriel Belacqua” - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“Let us prepare for war” - FUUUUUUUUCK
(I was deadly serious when I said this was just me screaming and crying by the way)
I’m still reeling over the fact that Marisa put her daughter in a fucking trunk. Like I get you can’t exactly carry a drugged child about in the open but Jesus Christ, love, really?!?
Also Ruth Wilson / Marisa Coulter in a headscarf? *chef kiss*
The way that the screen went to black as she put the lid on the trunk down - SHIT OH SHIT GOOSEBUMPS
THE CREDIT SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE IT HAS FUCKING ANGELS NOW I’M-
I WASN’T EXPECTING THE POST CREDITS SCENE OH MY GOD
ROGER?! ROGER! IT’S ROGER I’M NOT OKAY-
BBC YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT ON US LIKE THAT FUCK-
“What is this place?” - I’M SCREAMING SO LOUD I CAN’T HOLD IT IN
For anyone unaware, the reason I’m screaming so loud over the post-credits scene is because in TAS, while Lyra is drugged and in a groggy sleep, she has these visions of Roger talking to her from the Land of the Dead, which then later leads to her and Will actually GOING to the Land of the Dead and... well, the rest is even HUGER spoilers but YEAH I’M NOT OKAY.
Honestly, I’m just so happy and emotional because I’ve been waiting over a decade for a decent adaptation of not only NL but for TSK and TAS too, and we’re 2/3 there now. Just one more book/series to go... I wish we could have it now. I really hope that filming for the final one starts ASAP because if we have to wait two years just to see the conclusion to this series, I might cry.
This series is so amazing, and this season especially has been so incredible to watch. It’s been the highlight of my week for seven weeks, and I have no idea what I’ll do with my Sundays now that it’s over. I’ve asked for the DVD for S2 for my birthday already (since it comes out 29th December and my birthday is 13th January... just saying), and words can’t describe how much I do love this series. I know it sounds hollow since I say it about so many things I’m into, but this was such a huge part of my childhood and it’s one of my favourite fantasy series of all time. It’s truly one of the most incredible pieces of literature and now it’s making for incredible television... I love it so much.
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papirouge · 2 years
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Do you think ivf and sperm banks are 'anti christian'? I'm noticing more women around me choosing that route! instead of choosing to date and marry a man to have a baby. It seems like when women are socially forced to settle with a guy that doesnt even like her only tolerates her, everyone suffers. Just recently I learned of two women who are "older" virgins (like 36/37+) having babies via ivf and sperm banks. They seem so over the moon and their kids are so darn cute 😭 and I'm thinking of doing the same since I'm going to head into my 30s in a few years but I'm not interested in alot of guys. Alot of guys near me are really kinda just violent and hostile to women in general and follow red pill ideology so they just value women as walking wombs with an expiration date. It's all so depressing to even think about a date with them because it's dehumanizing. I'd love to connect with someone and share my life with but not with someone who believes that I should be thrown away at 30. I've recently began my journey into christianity too so I'm wondering if my plans for the future are something that doesnt align with scripture? Because some Christian's I've spoken too dont even like addressing that asexuals exist, if I remain a virgin until 35 and go through IVF idk what they'll think. Probably freak out... 😬
Anon, don't let the antics desperate people are willing to go as far to let you think any of this is okay, moral or healthy.
IVF goes against the will of God in that FAMILY is a ministry between TWO parent and their child. IVF is barbaric as it normalizes the destruction of natural filiation between parents and children. It also gives the entitlement to people to have children when no one is entitled to parenthood. Especially single people.
There's nothing wrong to be in your 30s and not being interested in men or marriage. Tumblr is a suffocating place on this aspect because you have to navigate between rabid anti theists elevating individualism, lust of the flesh and refusal to commitment as some sort of holy grail AND tradcons obsessive about marriage and breeding like it was the be all and end all of our existence. The most intelligent stance is to fall into neither of these extreme and do your own thing.
You are unique, anon. There won't be another you in the universe. And it's better for you to be dedicated to find your own, unique way to walk through this life, rather than trying to mimick the antics of lost individuals desperate to fall into a mold.
I know this world is scary anon.I'm in my 30s, and most men around my age either disgust me or make me indifferent. None of them is husband material. I could pull out the stale "God will find us a spouse" thing but tbh, not every Christian is entitled to marriage so I don't want to make statements that are untrue. We might as well end up celibate...and that's okay. Life is more than romance and marriage and sex and babies.
I won't lie and say I'm not dreading at the idea of never Knowing Love though. But I regularly pray to God to retrieve from my heart this longing for Love and companionship if that's His will to make me celibate. Resilience is the best defense against surrending to sin out of desperation (i.e your friends doing IVF).
Some Christians on this website be legit awkward about asexuality. I addressed a few asks ago how stupid it was of them to argue it was remotely like a mental illness...🤦🏾‍♀️ You really should take anything coming from them with a huge pinch of salt.
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amporella · 2 years
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Then how about...the goth kid Michael? 🥺 Or your favorite goth kid? For the character ask. I really like your takes! Haha
tysm!! that’s so sweet!!! 🥺
i’ll do michael and henrietta, since she’s my fav goth, but fair warning that I don’t have a ton to say on the goth kids!
michael:
Why I like them: Similarly to Henrietta; I think he’s just a really funny character, and I think the goth kids in general really up the quality of an episode when they’re there. Plus, he’s the favorite character of one of my close friends, so I’ve seen more Michael fanart than I ever thought existed in the first place LMAO
Why I don’t: I guess I just don’t see as much content of him as I do of the other goth kids! I think my love for Henrietta kind of overshadows my feelings about him, so if there was any reason I didn’t like him, it would probably just be that I don’t know enough about him.
Favorite episode (scene if movie): Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers and Raisins are both good, but You Got F’d In the A is also great.
Favorite season/movie: don’t have one!
Favorite line: “This freaking sucks! We worshipped and prayed to Cthulhu, went to all the cult meetings, but life is still totally freaking gay.” 
Favorite outfit: Just his default outfit!
OTP: I don’t really have one tbh! But I’ve seen a ton of high quality fanart of him and Pete, so I think that has potential.
Brotp: Him and any of the other goths!
Head Canon: I can see him secretly joining the dance team or musical theatre when he gets older - he feels like the most likely of the goths to actually do something conformist (ex. him nonconforming to the nonconformist in You Got F’d In the A), so I think he’d try and justify it to the other goth kids that way, even if he secretly really enjoyed it.
Unpopular opinion: I don’t really know if there’s a general popular opinion out there on the goth kids? So nothing immediately comes to mind!
A wish: For the goth kids to show up as prominent side characters in another episode. I miss them :(
An oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen: I guess for the goth kids as a group to break up - other than Henrietta, I just don’t think they really have the same impact on episodes without each other to bounce off of.
5 words to best describe them: dramatic, committed, investigative, nihilistic, it’s been a while since I’ve watched the goth kids episodes, so I’m struggling to come up with a fifth lol.
My nickname for them: don’t have one!
henrietta:
Why I like them: I’ve always had a soft spot for Henrietta, and playing TFBW intensified that tenfold. She’s always on my team in TFBW (seriously, Black Mass is amazing), and her quotes and role in the DLC really helped me develop a newfound appreciation for her. Her character design is actually really cute imo,  
Why I don’t: I can’t really think of something off the top of my head! Maybe that she’s a jerk to her parents? But her lines towards them are also great, so I can’t dislike her much over it LMAO
Favorite episode (scene if movie): Raisins and Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers are really solid!
Favorite season/movie: Don’t have a particular season or movie, so I’ll just say the game!
Favorite line: You’d be hard pressed to find a Henrietta line I don’t like! “When this is done, I’m gonna go home and slam my bedroom door so hard.” is a favorite, and so is “Seize the means of production, laborer. Kill the bourgeoisie.”
Favorite outfit: I think her default outfit is super cute, so I have to go with that.
OTP: I REALLY like kenrietta! And I also see the occasional fanart of Henrietta x one of the main girls, which I will never say no to lol.
Brotp: Kenrietta, and Henrietta with the rest of the goths. I also think a Henrietta + Karen brotp has a ton of potential!
Head Canon: I can see her as a big reader when she’s older, given her knowledge of the Necronomicon - and I think her potential interest in reading would lead her to do pretty well in school!
Unpopular opinion: I don’t really know if there’s a general popular opinion out there on the goth kids? So nothing immediately comes to mind!
A wish: For her to get more interactions with Kenny and Karen!! I love her interactions with the goth kids, but I thought her dynamic with both of them was SO good, and I’d love to see it more in the actual show.
An oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen: I guess for the goth kids 
5 words to best describe them: knowledgeable, dramatic, clever, isolated, cynical
My nickname for them: don’t have one!
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bndz · 3 years
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(normani kordei, twenty-two, cisfemale, she/her) * hey, i’m looking for the office of adrianna king. they’re the intern who’s known around the office as the airhead, if that helps? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re humorous but talkative, is that true? i also heard that they’re the one who brought her pet fish to work. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.
&  i’m  back  at  it  again  with  another  character  !  it  me  ,  tay  !  i  have  another  child  &  her  name  is  adri  .  she’s  my  bubbly  little  baby  &  i  love  her  chatty  ass  down  !  i  have  some  points  about  her  below  &  i  am  so  excited  that  i  got  to  bring  her  here  .  tw  :  religion  ,  homophobia  ,  toxic  parents  &  mentions  of  physical  violence  .
𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔  !
NAME   :    adrianna  king  . NICKNAMES  :  adri  . GENDER   :   cisfemale  . PRONOUNS   :   she  /  her  /  hers  . AGE   :   twenty-two  (  22  ) BIRTHDAY   :   23  september  . ZODIAC   :   libra  . HOMETOWN  :  miami  ,  florida  . CURRENT  RESIDENCE  : new york city  , new york  . ETHNICITY   :   african-american  . SEXUAL ORIENTATION   :   bisexual  . OCCUPATION  :   intern  .  (  the  art  department  ,  but  more  so  visual  art  )
𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  !
FAMILY   :  born  &  raised  in  the  city  of  miami  ,  adri  grew  up  in  a  household  that  was  highly  religious  .  her  family  was  heavily  involved  in  the  church  with  her  mother  also  being  a  pastor  herself  .  because  of  this  ,  her  parents  were  very  strict  &  super  controlling  .  they  monitored  almost  everything  surrounding  adri  since  she  was  their  only  child  ,  trying  to  prevent  anything  they  deemed  negative  &  wrong  to  consume  their  daughter  .  
this  caused  for  adri  to  at  first  obey  them  because  she  was  a  child  ,  but  as  she  reached  her  teenage  years  she  saw  how  toxic  her  parents  could  actually  be  .  they  were  the  definition  of  religious  hover  parents  &  it  was  slowly  starting  to  cause  adri  to  resent  them  .  they  would  spend  hours  lecturing  her  if  she  wore  something  they  thought  was  inappropriate  .  they  would  call  her  names  &  say  she  was  being  fast  for  her  age  .  they  would  tell  her  she  was  going  to  go  to  hell  if  she  didn’t  listen  to  the  word  of  god  .  
it  all  came  to  blows  when  adri  was  figuring  out  her  sexuality  .  all  her  life  she  was  told  that  liking  the  same  sex  was  wrong  ,  but  she  was  having  feelings  for  the  same  sex  .  at  first  she  felt  internalized  homophobia  ,  but  as  she  started  to  grow  into  her  own  person  &  renounce  the  teachings  that  were  drilling  into  her  head  ,  she  started  to  accept  herself  .  she  knew  that  her  parents  were  going  to  condemn  her  ,  so  she  didn’t  ever  plan  on  coming  out  until  she  moved  out  .  sadly  ,  her  father  did  a  random  check  of  her  phone  &  found  texts  that  she  didn’t  delete  to  a  girl  she  was  dating  at  the  time  .  it  was  literally  a  shit  show  in  the  king  household  .  slaps  &  many  sessions  of  trying  to  pray  the  gay  away  later  ,  adri  had  to  pretend  as  though  she  was  not  bisexual  .  she  had  to  break  up  with  her  girlfriend  &  was  removed  from  public  school  to  be  home  schooled  at  sixteen  .   to  say  she  hated  her  parents  was  an  understatement  .  
as  the  years  went  on  ,  adrianna  was  counting  down  the  days  until  she  could  be  off  to  college  .  during  her  senior  year  she  applied  to  the  furthest  schools  from  miami  .  she  had  to  beg  her  parents  to  let  her  attend  an  out  of  state  college  ,  but  because  her  act  at  home  was  convincing  ,  they  allowed  her  to  stay  with  her  aunt  in  new  york  to  attend  college  .  they  were  still  going  to  be  as  controlling  as  ever  ,  but  it  was  a  step  closer  towards  freedom  .
SCHOOL   :  adrianna  attended  hofstra  university  &  majored  in  art  .  while  she  was  in  grade  school  ,  adrianna  gravitated  towards  painting  because  it  was  the  best  way  for  her  to  get  what  she  was  feeling  out  .  attending  college  was  the  best  thing  for  her  .  although  her  aunt  was  as  strict  &  religious  as  her  parents  ,  she  used  college  as  a  way  to  wild  out  .  she  was  sneaking  out  easier  because  her  aunt  worked  overnight  shifts  as  an  rn  .  she  was  enjoying  the  ounce  of  freedom  that  she  had  even  if  her  family  was  on  her  neck  24  /  7  .  she  had  a  lot  of  pressure  to  graduate  &  get  a  job  ,  so  that  she  could  live  on  her  own  &  she  knew  that  the  arts  wasn’t  the  best  major  to  find  a  joke  as  quickly  as  she  wanted  .  but  graduation  came  quick  &  adri  was  literally  scrambling  .
MASTER’S  :  after  college  ,  adri  was  literally  running  all  over  nyc  trying  to  look  for  a  job  .  it  took  her  months  to  finally  land  a  job  interview  at  master’s  &  she  honestly  thought  she  flopped  .  when  she  got  the  position  as  an  intern  she  was  literally  over  the  moon  .  she  absolutely  loves  working  at  master’s  &  she’s  hoping  she  can  move  up  the  ranks  .  being  that  she’s  new  at  the  position  ,  she’s  trying  her  best  to  fit  in  &  get  things  done  in  a  timely  manner  .  she  does  struggle  a  bit  because  it’s  her  first  big  girl  job  ,  but  she’s  working  on  it  day  by  day  .
𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !
BUBBLY   :  you  could  easily  describe  her  as  someone  that  lights  up  the  room  with  her  smile  alone  .  adrianna  is  super  cheerful  &  very  positive  majority  of  the  time  .  she  has  a  hint  of  pep  in  her  voice  that  almost  sounds  like  she  talks  with  a  smile  &  she  usually  does  .  she  just  loves  to  talk  &  interact  with  others  .
FLIRTATIOUS  :  due  to  her  personality  ,  adrianna  is  naturally  friendly  &  flirtatious  .  she  will  flirt  with  ya  boo  &  it  won’t  even  be  intentional.  that’s  just  who  she  is  .  some  may  call  her  a  thottie  because  she  does  live  her  best  hot  girl  life  ,  but  she  truly  does  not  care  .  she  does  what  she  wants  because  she’s  poppin’  !  (  see connections  for  some  mess  surrounding  this  trait  )
TALKATIVE   :  honestly  ,  she  will  never  shut  up.  she  talks  very  fast  &  says  a  lot  &  it  can  also  be  alot  .  she  just  loves  to  talk  y’all  .  she  will  talk  anybody’s  ear  off  who  will  listen  .  she  can’t  help  it  .
DITZY   :   def’  has  her  moments  where  she’s  super  lost  .  it  takes  her  a  few  seconds  to  understand  jokes  sometimes  &  can  def’  lose  her  train  of  thought  as  well  .  she  can  be  a  little  dumb  ,  but  she’s  just  all  over  the  place  .  somebody  help  her  ,  please  ! 
in  general  she’s  like  a  bimbo  ,  but  not  to  the  worst  degree  .  she’s  v  aware  &  just  has  her  moments  .  she  doesn’t  like  when  people  try  to  be  condescending  towards  her  because  of  her  personality  ,  so  she  can  get  a  little  defensive  &  snappy  when  pushed  to  that  degree  .  it  takes  her  a  lot  to  snap  ,  so  i  doubt  she  will  be  popping  off  unless  she  is  truly  offended  .  she’s  also  not  that  confrontational  ,  but  if  she  has  to  defend  herself  ,  she  will  .  (  she  lowkey  can  get  creative  tbh  )  she’s  just  here  to  befriend  people  ,  okay  !
𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !
001  .  enemies  .  i  feel  like  because  she’s  genuinely  nice  it  would  have  to  be  a  huge  reason  for  her  to  dislike  someone  .  so�� ,  pick  your  poison  . 002  .  friends  with  benefits  .  we  always  love  these  ,  don’t  we  ?  she’s  with  all  the  shits  ,  okay  .  head  hot  girl  at  your  service  ! 003  .  exes  .  not  to  be  that  garbage  bag  ,  but  i’m  pretty  positive  adrianna  probably  cheated  on  all  of  her  exes  due  to  boredom  .  she  is  someone  that  needs  change  in  her  life  bc  of  how  she  was  treated  at  home  .  if  she  feels  stagnant  ,  she  will  just  pull  some  bs  like  cheating  &  move  on  to  the  next  .  truly  her  biggest  flaw  &  someone  gotta  smite  her  ass  for  this  fr  ! 004  .  besties  .  someone  give  her  a  baddie  bff  pls  ! 005  .  a  work  boo  .  v  self  explanatory  . 006  .  a  muse  .  since  adri  likes  to  paint  ,  this  could  be  someone  that inspires  her  artwork  or  even  let’s  her  paint  them  on  occasion  . again  ,  i  am  terrible  at  thinking  of  connections  ,  so  i’m  down  for  all  the  plots  !
𝒇𝒖𝒏  𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔  !
001  .  she  is  type  one  diabetic  . 002  .  is  a  huge  bad  bunny  stan  . 003  .  a  bratz  doll  collector  . 004  .  is  into  art  &  loves  to  paint  . 005  .  her  guilty  pleasure  is  watching  bad  girls  club  . 
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shirtlesssammy · 3 years
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15x15: Gimme Shelter
Then:
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Dean used his words to save the world once
Now:
At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building. 
Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.
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Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast. 
Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.
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Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.
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Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.) 
The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him. 
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Jack posits that this all seems demonic. 
Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.) 
A demon appears. 
He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave.  “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds. 
At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial. 
Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…
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Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam! 
(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)
Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away. 
Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home. 
Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL. 
Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her. 
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She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together.  (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.) 
Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people. 
And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh. 
Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor. 
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Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!
Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi. 
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At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!
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Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)
The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.
Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.
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They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world. 
Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh. 
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They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.
Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary. 
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Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger. 
He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.
That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.
Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder. 
For So Strong Science:
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Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay. 
Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas. 
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Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.
Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.” 
Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…” 
FADE. TO. BLACK.  
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The Se7en Deadly Quotes:
You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch
You look greener than Baby Yoda
“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”
There were too many cats
Where can I find the Kool-Aid?
I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person
It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial
Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 
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homeandsunsets · 3 years
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God with us
During early BF/GF years, I would always pray for my husband’s career. Na he'll find a job na he's passionate about and that may God bless him with a job na can provide for us in the future if we are to marry. 
Years later, God has lead and blessed him with a small business that now provides for our needs. ♥
It's the very first time that I saw Jayson na sooo passionate about something. He’s very hands-on and halos siya talaga lahat. Taga-advice lang ako sa background. Haha! I praise God because He has blessed him with work that he enjoys doing and that helps him bring out his best. I saw a different side of my husband. We've known each other since we were 16! Grabeee. Ngayon we are close to our 30s! Haha! Nasaksihan namin ang kajejehan ng isa't isa. Hahaha! We've seen each other grow in character. From jeje, conforming and vain teenagers to low-key, content and self-assured adults.
This is also the first time na I saw his courageous and madiskarte side (other than our relationship. Haha! Malakas loob sa panliligaw e, sa pagharap sa parents ko at mga aso namin. HAHA) Kasi di ko naman nakikita before yung work attitude niya because never naman kami naging magkatrabaho. And di din naman siya naguuwi ng work. More on stories lang about how our day went sa work but ayun nga, this time I get to see it first hand. So watching him do all these adulting stuff and all his hard work is such a major turn on. *u*
I thank God for guiding his every decision and for blessing his labor. Also for helping him make well-thought business decisions. Yes, andun yung hardwork, but God is the last say eh. Wisdom also comes from Him in every decision that we make. And si Lord pa din ang magpprosper ng works ng hands natin at the end of the day. So while I admire my husband even more today, the glory and honor will always belong to God. One of the reasons why I’m sometimes reluctant to talk about this when we’re with colleagues is because awkward pag sinasabi ng mga tao na ang galing ni Jayson. While Im grateful that people appreciate his hard work, alam mo yun? Alam mo kasi na di naman yun mangyayari if di nagprovide ng wisdom si Lord, if di siya naglagay ng right people around him. Sa totoo lang nakakaamaze na lang pag may mga taong dumadating sa buhay namin esp ni Jayson that would make a great help dun sa business. Numerous times na may mawawalang volume buyer tapos may papalit agad. There are struggles din but Si Lord has always been there. There are so many things na wala talaga sa control namin such as health, market trends, other opportunities, etc. Kaya it’s super uncomfy to take credit tbh and Im only sharing this here sa aking low-key tumblr. Sometimes you want to let the thoughts out. Haha
So while I fell in love with my husband more as he mature into a more responsible man, I've honestly fell in love and adore Christ more. I didn't ask for too much, didn’t expect grand gestures/signs or miracles. I'm very much content with kung ano man ibigay ni Lord as long as He’ll provide for our needs and be with us in this journey. And yet, He's lead us here and has shown His grace, His realness, His presence, His love and providence in our lives. Words aren’t enough to express the joy and rest in knowing na He is near to us and is paying attention to what our prayers are. 
More than the provision and worldly possessions, I’m greatly grateful that God has been with us noon pa man that I can’t possibly choose a life without Him. And that is one of my ultimate prayer: that as we age, we’ll grow closer to God and that we’ll be a vessel of blessings for other people
There are sooo many things that Id like to write about - recent realizations, observations and stories of thankfulness. But I have a training and 2 events this month so medyo occupied. Hehe. They’ll have to wait. :P
For now, we sleep! 
Goodnight! 
x
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