#I put in my application I didn’t wanna specify gender and then put in the extra notes ‘I use they/them please respect this’

[tiredsadpeach]

Man that text made me feel weird

#my friend and I hadn’t talked much today and I didn’t hear from him for like two hours #and he suddenly texts asking how I am and idk I felt a weird energy in it and was like I think I’m okay #and I always ask how he is too and he told me he wasn’t feeling good #and then sent this text after telling me what happened #‘i texted u because i kinda want comfort honestly but i wanted to make sure u aren't in a headspace where that would hurt u’ #he was really really mad at me a few days ago and the only thing that made him really talk to me during that was wanting comfort too #and idk I like being his safe space and comfort but I don’t like feeling like that’s all I’m for I guess #I’m not gonna tell him it’s not okay to vent to me and I was alrightish with it but that message feels so hhhh #he’s a good friend and I know he’d comfort me if I needed it and he was able but that text just really idk put the past weekend back into #my head which made me spiral on Sunday and relapse so that’s not great #seeing him say that 16 years of pent up anger were trying to come out and realizing on Sunday it was because of me just hhhhh #it was terrifying and I felt guilty and I felt evil and bad and just like an awful friend #I’m already sick and have been for two days now with some mystery stomach virus and just got over my cat being sick (she’s okay now!!) #I only have four group therapy sessions left and I don’t want them to end because I love the counselor that runs it #talked to my new psychiatrist and during the thing she said ‘whoops I had you labeled as a man’ #I put in my application I didn’t wanna specify gender and then put in the extra notes ‘I use they/them please respect this’ #I’d rather be mistaken for a man than a woman #idk it’s just so much and feeling like I’m just the therapist friend again kinda hurts #it’s probably just bad timing tbh but it still hurts