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#I realize now I forgot to sign it god fuckin dammit
kingshadows1001 · 3 years
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animale
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headoverhiddles · 4 years
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Like A Heretic - Marilyn Manson x Reader [Fluff]
Synopsis: You know Manson from one (1) party, yet he feels the need to drunk text you his obscene propositions at 2 am on a Wednesday? 
Notes: What?? I wrote a fluff fic?? Yea, it’s been known to happen. Shhh. Pale Emperor era. Also, this one is gender neutral, reader can be any gender! 
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You collapse into the plush of your down comforter, feeling the fluffy feathers sink beneath you. Smiling to yourself, you clear the day away in your brain, bulldozing over every worry, publicity problem, or stressed manager that could be dealt with the next day. For now, you’re in your bed, and nothing can come between you and a peaceful night’s sleep. 
You cuddle into your pillow. The feeling you’ve got right now is comparable to a the perfect orgasm-- you never want to leave this bed. Your mind starts to drift, and you picture yourself on a beach somewhere, where no one can reach you. No one... no one... except that bee buzzing in your ear.
Groggily, you open your eyes. That’s not a bee. It’s your phone. 
Dammit, why didn’t you put it on silent? You go to turn it off properly, but the text on your screen makes you hesitate. You blink a few times, squinting through the dark at your phone. Were you reading that right?!
Manson: Hey (y/n) psssst. I’ve got a secret can I tell you the secret 
“What the fuck?” you mumble out loud, and sigh, turning on your bedside lamp. Manson? What... oh. Oh, yeah. About two months ago, you had attended a music awards event in New York, and had met a few new people. One of them had been Marilyn Manson. He had been a lot more down to earth than you had imagined he would be, and the two of you hit it off pretty well. 
It struck you as interesting as well, but he had followed you around that night like a lost puppy. He always wanted to be around you, and it had been him who had suggested you exchange numbers, maybe hang out, go see a movie or something. You had excitedly given him your number, but didn’t think much would come of it. He probably got lots of people’s numbers, then forgot about them the next week. 
So why was he texting you at... 2:13 in the morning?! You stare at the same text again. 
Manson: Hey (y/n) psssst. I’ve got a secret can I tell you the secret
You bite your lip, and type out a quick text back.
(y/n): Shoot.
His reply is almost immediate. 
Manson: I wanted to say when I saw you and we hung out at radio city last month you were cute really sexy n beautiful ad I miss you :( :(
You blush a little bit, but type back a cautious text. 
(y/n): You feeling alright? 
Before you can hit send though, another text from him comes in.
Manson: If you think I am drunk and handsome you are correct, i’m both
You giggle a little, and sit up fully. Manson’s drunk texting you, telling you you’re cute? This couldn’t get any crazier if you made it up. 
Manson: Do you know what sexting is? 
You raise your eyebrows. 
(y/n): I’m familiar with it, yes. 
You bite your lip. Should you add a winky face? Before you can, he writes back. 
Manson: what if i told you I wanted to lick your body ad probably do butt stuff with you too? 
You feel yourself heat up even more, and you don’t know whether to laugh or get aroused. 
(y/n): You fucking with me, Manson?
Manson: I would like to fuck you, yes. 
(y/n): So... tell me more, then. What else would you do to me?
Manson: Id cum on your chest
Manson: oops was that too far?
(y/n): No... go on.  
Manson: maybe on your face then if you want that, I wanna be respectful 
Manson: I’d also punish your sex hole. i’m really good at that
(y/n): You sound like a porn bot lol 
Manson: dirty old man in your area looking for hot singles <3 that looks like a pointy dick
You giggle, and are about to sign off so you can sleep for real, but he texts again with something that makes you pause. 
Manson: Wanna cum over? 
You stare at the text, waiting to see if he’ll write again. You wait, and wait. Nothing else is coming in. You type out a few possible responses. Then you finally hit send on your last one, biting your lip. 
(y/n): What’s your address?  
Shit. Shit shit! What are you doing? Looking back at your bed though, you can’t deny you feel a thrill. This is the shit you moved here to LA to do. 
---
Pulling up to Manson’s address, the place is just like him-- not what you were expecting. It’s a dark apartment above a liquor store, with black out curtains covering the window. You walk over to the stairs, and catch the door when someone walks out. Heading inside, you look down at your phone, and find his number. Apartment 15. 
You knock softly, and wait. When he doesn’t come to the door, you shoot him off another text. 
(y/n): I’m at your door, don’t leave me hanging or I’ll leave you with a hard on
He doesn’t respond, and you hear a moan inside. You frown, and try the door handle-- it’s open. You walk in, forgetting momentarily where you are, and see that the place is a relative mess. Piles high of books, records and movies are stacked along the walls, and there’s like, one dying plant by the darkened window. It’s laughable to assume the poor thing gets any sun, which is also a statement that could be applied to the rock star you’d come to sleep with. 
A bunch of album artwork for his new record, the Pale Emperor, is laid out on his table as well. You take a quick glance at it, before dropping your jacket. 
“Hey,” you call out, “I’m taking my top off! You’re gonna miss it if you don’t come find me!” You hear the moan again, and walk down the hallway. “Oh, fuck.” 
“’M alright...” He’s on the floor, in a puddle, four small cats surrounding him. One rusty colored one is lapping from the puddle. Was this a Jimmi Hendrix situation???
“Please don’t tell me that’s piss,” you mutter, “Cause I am not cleaning that up.”  
One of his four cats meows loudly. Manson just laughs. “It’s vodka. I slipped and broke the bottle.” 
“That I can clean up,” you nod, but first, you help him to his feet. He wobbles a little, and falls into you. Pinned against the wall, his lips are inches from yours... until his head thumps beside yours, lips pressed into your neck. He’s so fucking gone. You look around, and spot the washroom down the hall the other way. You help him slowly, and he keeps talking the whole way.   
“You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous,” he mumbles, “My brain camera remembered you were hot but I didn’t remember you being this hot... mmhm...”
“You still down to fuck me?” you tease, helping him sit on the edge of his bathtub. His eyes widen a bit as he licks his lips and points a swaying finger. 
“Baby I was born ready to fuck. I came out of the womb with an erection.”
You cringe. “That’s... a very disturbing mental image.” 
“You know what else is disturbing? My DICK.” He frowns a little, nose scrunching up. “But not for... it’s not disturbing, it’s just disturbing how big it is... or...”
“Stop, you’re turning me on,” you smirk sarcastically, and get a towel, dabbing his face down with cool water. “How does that feel?”
“Oh baby, you feel so good, fuck,” he moans, and you blink. God damn, he really is wasted. 
“Good to hear.” You plant a kiss on his cheek as you sponge down his arms, and he purrs like a big happy cat, nuzzling into your chest. 
“Do that again?” You smile, and lean in, kissing him again, this time closer to his mouth. Then you kiss him again, and again, each one earning more praise from the god of fuck before you. “Mm yeah-- oh yeah-- yeah yeah, right there-- yeah yeah right there...” He grins, eyes closing. “Mmm, delightful.” He blinks up at you, swiping a hand across his smudged eyeliner. “Will you... be my friend?” 
“Sure. Friends to lovers is always a fun way to go.” He seems genuinely happy with this. “You know, you’re sexy too,” you say, helping him take his shirt off. You glance down his chest and stomach at his tattoos, trying to focus on the project at hand instead of actually picturing riding him right now. “I thought so the night I met you at Radio City, and I think so now.” 
“Really?” he hums, reaching up in his stupor to put a hand against his chin. He suddenly seems bashful, and realizing how vulnerable he’s made himself, hides half of his face. “Even without my makeup?” 
“Definitely. I happen to think you’re beautiful.” He purses his lips.
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not! In fact, if you weren’t absolutely shit hammered right now, I’d probably want you balls deep.”    
He groans. “Fuck it if I’m drunk, that’s when I’m in my strongest form!” He slips a little, steadying himself on the toilet as he stands. 
“I would disagree with that, but...”
“Besides, with all those compliments, you’re... you’re making my dick hard, see? And now it’s... ahh, it’s gonna be mad at me if I don’t... you know, fuck you, so...”
“Shh, for now try to walk straight.” 
“Where are my asshole cats?”  
“They were all watching you describe your dick to me,” you say, and he wags a finger their way. 
“Dooon’t listen to daddy, my loves. Nonono. Bad. This is grown up human people talk!”
You giggle. “You must like cats.”
“I am a cat person, I love cats. That’s why I don’t give it doggy style, cause I’m a cat man. The crazy cat man. That sounds like a serial killer...”
You giggle, and guide him back down the hall. “Where’s the bedroom?” He lifts his chin to gesture to it. 
“Last door on the right.” You help him into bed, and he tosses a pillow at a tall vase in the corner, sending it shattering. “Goddamn ghosts in my house, watching me sleep,” he slurs, and points wildly to his closet. “The sex toys are in there, if you wanna get yourself started...”
You smile, politely neglecting the sex closet of the rock star you’d been booty called by. Masturbating in said rock star’s home while he’s passed out shitfaced doesn’t look good for anyone involved. 
“Goodnight Manson,” you sing song, and shut his door. Pressing your back against it, you exhale. What just happened? 
You carefully walk over to the spilled vodka, and check the shards of glass. Thankfully no blood anywhere-- that would have been even worse to clean up. You grab a rag from the kitchen, and start mopping up the floor. One of his cats walks over from the bathroom, and starts to rub against your ankle.
“Well, hi. What’s your name, love?” You check the tag. “William. Very handsome name. Handsome just like your dad.” You sigh, as William follows you around the apartment. You feel like you shouldn’t be here anymore. It was a mistake-- he was obviously too drunk to do anything to or with you tonight. You should just leave. Yeah. Go back home, forget this ever happened and... maybe check in with him tomorrow morning, see how bad his hangover is. If he responds. 
Just as you’re about to leave though, you hear his slurred voice call from the bedroom. “(y/n)--!” 
You hesitate, then walk back in, shutting the door. You walk over to his room, and open the door. “Yeah?”
“...Get into bed with me? Please? Wanna hold someone...” 
You look behind you, and then to him again, where he’s laying, tangled in his limbs, in the large bed. You nod, and close the door to a crack, coming in. You unzip your hoodie, and before you can come to your senses, you get into one side of his king sized bed. You hear him breathing softly, and smile a little at the sudden intimacy of it all, turning over in fetal position. Not how you expected this night to turn out, but it might be even better. 
Just as you’re falling asleep in the bed of the Antichrist, you feel arms wrap around you from behind, and feel his head in the nape of your neck. Beginnings of rare stubble scratch your skin pleasantly. 
“This an okay alternative to butt stuff?” he mumbles, and you reach up to hold his wrists against you. 
“It’s perfect.” 
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Ranma 2/4
Part  Two: Chapter 13 - 25
Unless someone comes up with a better name I’m sticking with this one
HOW tf is the principal crazier than before?!
Yup, spreading out the Kuno-Principal thing
Is Sasuke seriously an anime-only?!?
Like I said Ryoga needs to chill a little first
Main reason I don’t like Ukyo That scene where she blatantly states she’s fine with turning Ranma into something he’s not rather than helping him
(Ignoring the near constant amount of undermining his abilities)
“I’m gonna cheer him up” as she holds a sword! Why?!
 Ranma you dummy, hug Akane!
I hate this demon/ghost cat
Shampoo, you manipulative bitch
Akane learns to swim like a normal person
The lifeguard in me can’t do it
 The principal is background shenanigans
Totally forgot about the kid who wants to play video games and is “weak” bc of it
Definitely need to find a different reason tho
 Lazy little shits are a pain
Also his mom is crap
 Akane… why you be dumb?
 Weird Happosai is Santa plot…
What is with the Excalibur meets lucky 1000 meets fairy godmother?
Good news is, with what I’ve done to Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse Ranma knows Kuno wouldn’t give him that wish and calls it quits sooner
Someone just needs to explain Ranma’s really confusing sense of morality to me
 Cuz it’s either on 110% or it’s nonexistent, now normally nonexistent is for Kuno but still
 Look Ranma’s got ego problems but he ain’t stupid
No betting the Tendo Dojo at five!
 On what planet is that a legal document?!?
Some1 tell me why Shampoo using Ranma as a stop ramp bugs me so bad
That mo when you can’t remember if the Hot Spring Challenge is when Ukyo met Shampoo in the anime…
I don’t think so…
Akane you made me need to google a word
That like never happens Ranma you idiot
So close but so far
So much more logic, thanks
I mean more insanity, but it explains why Ranma swapped clothes
Finally! Ranma apologizes
Jesus Christ someone would think I won the goddamn lotto with how loud I cheered when this happened
600% approve of this over what happened in the anime
Oof poor Ranma
Hahahaha in your face Shampoo, but I also think I know why Ranma chose it
Poor Ryoga
I KNEW this guy was coming I still hate it
YEET you can’t PAY ME to  do this arc
Look, is it the fact that I had etiquette and dance classes as a child and everyone assumed this is what it was like? Probably.
It wasn’t so I won’t.
Any1 else notice how Nabiki is one of the few ppl that uses she/her when Ranma is in his cursed form no matter what?
Why does this bug me?
Akane, stop beating Ranma up, honestly
This is closer to abuse rather than teasing
*sighs*
 Gotta work that out of the narrative, intentional or not
Every1 sayin she’s violent isn’t helping
Like I said really fucking morally GREY Nabiki
How grey can you go before you get black? 
 Let’s find out together
Can everyone PLEASE stop treating Ranma like an object?!
 I literally can’t tell if Nabiki is fucking Aro or not…
STRESS
Why is this so hard?!
I hate seeing Akane cry
I know she’s playing Ranma like a kazoo, but the point still stands
WHY ARE YOU TWO SO DUMB?!
Nope, nevermind it’s just Ranma that’s a fuckin idiot I blame Genma
No, I’m not kidding
*sighs* I don’t condone Nabiki doing this in any way just for the record THAT’S not an apology Ranma!
This mess is totally your fault Nabiki
STRESS
am I intentionally pointing out where this work of fiction is stressing me out since I’m now online schooling and suffering for it? Yes, fuck off.
 Actually, don’t.
But Fuck Covid19
Aww his hat’s back!
Why do I love his hat so much?
No, seriously Akane’s so cute!
Oooww tree
y’know the sec she realized what Ranma was doing Nabiki should’ve TOLD him!
Congrats Ranma ya got the wrong sis- I mean the right- but wrong- dammit y’know what I mean
Some1 give me a logical explanation for why Ranma goes on a date with a panda doodle, PLEASE
I do appreciate the epic battle background fight for the anime
Further proof that Happosai sucks
Manga name’s somehow less believable I think it’s the use of “snowman” rather than “yeti”
Did Soun just find out that Pchan is Ryoga, and say nothing?
Ooo, Imma commit arson
Remember when I said obey Physics and Medical, I meant it
Arson is wrong and I know this but “transgender bitch” crosses the line
I will do it
Shampoo is a fucking yandere psycho
Just sayin “we’ll see who can get him first” 
honestly, any other group and I’d be annoyed, but these four can’t work together for shit I
’m still pissed at Taro, but he can kill Happosai, please
I can’t tell if Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga are being purposefully obtuse or not
I just reread their names I know the answer to at least two of them
Idk how I feel about Kuno-amnesia we’ll see
yep, Kuno gives me the creeps w or w/out his memories
kinda wish this was anime
jesus christ, poor Ranma
press f to pay respects for Ranma’s stomach
InstaRegret
 Also Ukyo’s assumption that some1 can make Ranma doing anythin he doesn’t want to is crap
Like HELLO! Wake up moron!
Nabiki, I mean this in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up
You’re making it worse
Also TALK to each other you ding dongs!
OH RIGHT! I almost forgot about the biggest fucking insult that Ukyo said of her own freewill!
It also proves that she doesn’t know Ranma as a person AT ALL!
It’s not a pick one or the other kind of thing
The fact that she thinks Ranma would accept that is insulting
The fact that she thinks that is insulting and makes me hate the patriarchy
Again, treating him like a prize than a person
*tries not scream, sighs*
Nabiki, you’re the cause of at least 30% of the stress I get from this
You having feelings ain’t the fucking problem here Ukyo, you not acknowledging Ranma’s is
 I hate fake criers, anyone who does this I hate you
Always let others in on your plans, kids
When’s every1 gonna realize Ranma’s “wishy-washy” cuz no one’s ever committed to HIM before?
This episode confused me, I’m prepared to be MORE confused
Less confused, I’m surprised
 Gonsunkugi, you creep
There is SO much wrong with this
*shudders*
WHAT?!
Y’know I didn’t think Gosunkugi could surprise me, I was wrong
Happosai still sucks unfortunately for all of us he’s now weird on top of it
I love how much Ranma needs to be kicked in the teeth to get any character development out of him
Ryoga is my #1 choice for it, always
Ranma… why are you like this?
Genma, emotional range of a goddamn wall
I am jealous of Ranma’s brain
I could be SO mean with the Shishihokodan
Also, are they implying that Ryoga has depression?
Gimme Ranma’s brain
I won’t ask for his confidence cuz that’s impossible but I want his brain
In Akane’s defense, given what she knows she couldn’t’ve known how badly that would affect Ryoga
 I ain’t gonna say “leave Shampoo” cuz that’s cruel
I like the “turn into a Cat” rather than the “Can’t Cross” & the use of New Year’s rather than random but this still brings around the fact that she doesn’t LISTEN to him
Mousse you’re NOT helping in fact you’re actively making it worse did you miss when he said blatantly “I don’t wanna”
oh, sure, NOW you’re ok with it
ugh Mousse, you have a brain, I’ve SEEN you use it. Do so now.
This entire episode weirded me out
IDK if it’s the age-dff or the fact that he was makin it up and somehow everyone thought this was okay … 
I won’t YEET it but MASSIVELY change
heheheh
Light bulb
NOPE I’m keeping this surprise to myself
it was a rather sweet end tho
Oh, this episode is a mess and a half, honestly
Also Nabiki, congrats you’ve literally enabled a stalker S
o many laws are broken here
okay, so Kodachi not being in on Ranma’s secret after so long makes sense purely because she doesn’t go to their school
however, with what i’ve done to make Kuno marginally less dumb it makes a little bit less sense…
I literally hate Kuno with what I’ve done to his logic of Ranma’s transformation, but that’s the point Kodachi… how do I handle you… oh, duh!
Ok, so Kodachi is now also terrible
 I’m trying to figure out where this is in the plot since there is ZERO
Ok, there’s a LINE, Nabiki
This one would be touching, if it didn’t end the way it does
TALK gentlemen! 
It won’t kill you
Fuck a parent that says they’re not your parent for no reason, EVER
I am going to make this hurt
 Also gonna take out Genma’s fail at stealth
 Remember I said Akane’s going to learn to cook
heheheh
sorry, I just love this idea
Oh this is SO against the rules it’s not even funny
 tiny adjustment so they actually have quasi-competent referees
Crazy wants crazy?I won’t stop ‘em
I reiterate: CHEATING!
I am aware that the “ending” apparently sets them back to the start in terms of their relationship but I swear to God if they pretend shit like this didn’t happen I will scream
 Someone ships something other than Akane x Ranma PLEASE explain why/how
don’t ship bash but I would insight when you explain 
STICK TO CANON
please trust me, I’m a multi/poly/crack shipper
(for frame of reference to a bnha I ship DabiHawks)
I understand the appeal of Fanon
however, I would like to stick to Canon here
so no Fanon
Canon Only
Fully love that high kick
Genma shows Ranma’s secret here, but they already know… so… I shall find out
Ooo, you’re not getting out of this Ranma
Do you know how tempting it is for Akane to at least tell Ranma she’s a girl- oh wait gendered sports… right…
Ranma… 
if you didn’t realize it was Akane when she hit you for calling her klutzy I can’t help you
I want to commit arson at some of the comments…
but can confirm that these are HS boys
 Doesn’t mean I gotta like it
I was wondering how long I was going to have to wait before tearing into Nodoka
FINALLY
Took me WAY too long to remember that Nodoka calling Ranko tomboyish is due to how he speaks in Japanese
I’ll need to figure that out since… English
Can I explode on Genma’s choice to take Ranma at TWO?!
Can I further explode on both of them for making a TWO YEAR OLD “sign” a Seppuku Pledge?!
I hate both of them, honest
ALSO communication! 
Genma! Just fucking TELL HIM!
Making her transphobic is SO tempting
I don’t mean in a “i hate you” way I mean in a “I sheltered my whole life” way
 It’s still bad, and painful, but she can easily learn from that
Or be worse, this could go 2 ways
I feel so bad for Akane for this entire conversation
Also poor Ranma like ouch… 
 Awkward
I’m going to make this hurt something fierce
Slight change since I’m hoping Ranma isn’t as “peak fight or flight” by this point
Genma don’t be an asshole for FIVE MINUTES
Please, that’s all I want
If she doesn’t learn the truth before the end I will make a bad decision
Really, I will
Don’t kill Genma, you can’t
 Akane, don’t say like you wouldn’t… honestly
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, honestly, just look the other way Ranma
*sigh* 
Ranma…
See, this kind of crap here is why I really don’t like Cologne
any other day Akane’d be right
oof, that means he self aware that girls flock to him
I’m quite frustrated by that if I’m honest
Ranma is clueless about all the wrong things
I love him but God I wanna punch him sometimes
Why is there a swing from the ceiling?!
I had a jolt from the way they set that panel up, thanks
Are you trying to kill me?!
Thank you Cologne, now fuck off
Oh thank God, at least he learned
This is nonanime stuff so I have no clue what’s happening but anything to make Happosai miserable
I’m enjoying this immensely
 ugh, “think of it as a compliment” ghost
Eat me
 okay, yeah, as much as I want him dead, that’s worse
I’m glad he’s not a one-and-done character
I will forever ONLY call him Taro when it is NonDialogue
Wait Saffron as in big-bad Saffron?
I literally only know pieces of the end so I’m just pulling from what I know
Lol, wait… was that soldier Anime only too?
I almost liked you there for a sec Taro
Now I’m pissed again
bravo
Oh, YIKES
… if Ranma falls into the Spring of Drowned Twins would he split?
 I’m not going to DO IT, obviously!
I’m just curious okay… 
that answers that… and kills anyone other than Ranma’s plan to turn back to normal I hope everyone is aware of that
oof
Since when is there a castle on an island in Japan
tis just a scratch, I’ll admit that was funny
Ranma… your stomach gets you in so many problems
ok, that was wholesome
I approve
Okay, so my understanding is that Mrs. Tendo got sick, so I can understand the reactions to Kasumi
BUT I still find it odd because… well… anyone in my house gets sick and you mostly can’t even tell I mean, minus a worse attitude and a mask, other than that though, nope we keep ‘er movin’
 I’m moving this section sooner EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!
I like her mom’s cookbook tho
I could make a Ranma x Ryoga joke here, but I won’t
I also won’t make a Ranma x Ryoga joke chapter cuz I’m nice like that
Actually I might have no choice
I’m FINE just dying
 Help
my multishipper heart is dying here
 I love this
InstaRegret for THREE people
If nothing else, I’m impressed
(well three once Ranma’s back to normal)
I need help
Fangirling/Fanboying/Fanpeopling is dangerous folks, remember that
Poor Ryoga
Though I too feel that right now like where do I look because everything coming in at mach 6
I’m changing that one scene tho cuz I can’t justify the aftermath without it
This… is… weird to say the least
I feel like I should just expect anything with Gosunkugi remotely involved to be weird at this point
okay, not as weird as I expected
glad it was short tho
I think I am officially out of anime terf
YAY, new content!
This is why I ask about any ship that isn’t Ranma x Akane
Also, names?
That- that- that can’t... 
I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!
EWWW
gross
WHY?!?!!
also, biology, that’s not how that works!!
You two ARE idiots
Ryoga you die I’ll kill you
Well… that hurt to see so quick…
Ranma, get up!
I officially hate this Herb guy
ok, so if you put HOT water in the ladle do you stay that way forever?
Alright! Way to go Ryoga!
I need to stop shipping Rivals it’s bad for my health
fucking eat it you dick!
 Poor Akane
nevermind, Ranma you idiot
awwwww
ok, so that whole no more Anime-content… I was wrong, and I admit that, but still
I’m just thinking of my bff when they realize she’s an adult cuz, yeah, she’s like that too
 except like physically an adult unlike tiny-Hinako
 oh MY GOD Ukyo you’re driving me up the goddamn wall I swear!
THANK YOU AKANE!
 “You’re all Ranma’s fiancées” when only one of them actually is 
GIANT SIGH OF ANNOYANCE
Ranma, learn to communicate, PLEASE!
Okay… so is this where they figured it out or are some ppl still in the dark?
TIMELINE!!
Honestly, mood Ranma, mood
This entire plot line confuses me if I’m being totally honest
I mean I live for the Akane focus, but there are so many better ways to do this
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lowtldes · 5 years
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hozier lyrics prompt fill for @songofproserpine  <3
❛There’s an art to life’s distractions.❜  for jacob/f!dep
summary: Jacob is an annoying apocalyptic bunker companion, and it’s driving Rook crazy.
also on ao3!
Jacob Seed is not a man so easily troubled. Rook is aware of this, but there’s something about the impatient jig of his leg and drum of his fingers on the tabletop that tells her something’s on his mind.
It’s been three weeks since the world ended—a tad earlier than the Peggies had expected, considering the fact that the sirens went off right in the middle of their undignified wrestling at the top of the big rock Jacob nested in after he got her to kill Eli.
She should have just killed him there. Hell, he should have just killed her right there. But instead, in the chaos of the ground shaking and alarm sirens wailing in the distance, they ran to the nearest bunker. Not together, of course, that’s absolutely insane… but they just happened to make it into some dead prepper’s bunker at the same time. Shitty coincidences and even shittier luck, because after three more attempts of trying to kill each other, they resigned themselves to the fact that the only company for the next seven or so years is each other.
Oh, they’re still gonna kill each other. Definitely. But the bloodthirst has been shelved away, an unspoken agreement that staying alone with a corpse for seven years doesn’t do the psyche any favors.
So. Week 3 out of 365. Jacob’s fidgeting has Rook thinking about shooting him in the head. Or throttling him. Or just holding him down and—christ, no. Just. Whatever gets the guy to sit still and quiet so Rook can properly focus on reading the actual hell that is Dostoevsky’s stream of consciousness. It’s sad, really, that the prepper’s taste in books is that akin to the summer reading list Rook pretended she read in high school.
“You know,” she begins, irritated, “fidgeting like a kid waiting for church to be over isn’t gonna make the apocalypse go by faster.”
Across the table, Jacob stills. He narrows his eyes at her, as if she’s committed an offense by talking to him. It’s the first time they’ve spoken to each other in days. They’ve fallen into a kind of pattern—spending days co-existing but ignoring each other, then one of them breaking the silence that leads to one or two antagonistic conversations before they’re back to seething in silence.
“I’m waiting,” Jacob grates, voice sounding a little raspy from lack of use.
Rook ignores the goosebumps she feels rise when she hears him speak. “Yeah, I know. But being annoying isn’t gonna make your brother sprint to the radio in his bunker.”
She spits the word brother like it’s something vile. It’s well-deserved, she thinks, since said brother did, in fact, stare way too long at her in the fucking murder sex dungeon he calls his confession room. It’s bad enough that Rook has yet to get ahold of any of her friends on the radio, but she has to hear John Seed’s crooning voice twice a week.
“There’s nothing to do in here aside from wait, Deputy.”
“Distract yourself with something.”
Jacob scoffs and starts drumming his fingers on the tabletop again. “Just said there’s nothing to fuckin’ do.”
Rook glares hard into the pages of her book, unable to focus on the words. “Stop that. Seriously. It’s driving me fucking crazy.”
She gives up on the page she’s on and turns to the next. If anything, Jacob’s drumming on the table gets louder. Rook grinds her teeth, trying to drown out the sound. In the end, she can’t help it. Her foot flies up and kicks his shin hard underneath the table.
The force of the kick was hard enough that her foot is buzzing slightly, but Jacob doesn’t even flinch. The drumming stops—thank god—and he looks utterly unimpressed with her.
“Good try,” he says flatly. Asshole.
Jacob pushes his chair back and stands from the table with an exasperated sigh, walking a short distance over to the stock of canned food. Rook leans back in her chair and tries to go back to her book, glaring at the paragraph she’s stuck on.
Unfortunately, her peace doesn’t last long, because Jacob resituates himself at the table, scraping his spoon loudly around an opened can. Chewing loudly, too. He’s fucking with her. He’s gotta be fucking with her.
Rook frowns harder into her book, chewing on her lip to stop herself from snapping at him. Her fingers dig into the pages of the book, holding back the urge to slam it shut and just chuck it at Jacob’s red head.
It passes after a few minutes, Jacob finishing his meal shortly. No more loud, fidgeting sounds, not after he’s discarded the empty can and tossed the spoon into the sink. Where the hell is John, Rook thinks, because the wait is obviously killing Jacob. He’s no longer sitting—he’s buzzing around the cramped bunker, walking around and sparing a glance at the radio on the desk every few moments. Jacob, hands resting low on his hips, paces and paces, sighing and shaking his head every so often.
He’s worried, the discomfort to his gait has Rook almost feeling bad for him. Almost. Rook tries again to focus back on the book. Nope, she’s not gonna waste a single thought feeling bad for Jacob Seed. Or thinking that it’s kind of endearing he’s worrying for John like a parent whose kid stayed out way past curfew. Nope.
Rook bites down on her tongue so hard she tastes blood.
“Maybe he forgot,” Rook says, despite herself. Dammit. Do not engage.
Jacob stops his pacing and looks at her sharply. “John doesn’t forget.”
“Maybe he’s busy.”
“We agreed that this is the time we check-in and call.”
“I know, I was there,” Rook mutters, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, freaking out isn’t gonna help at all. Just… find a way to distract yourself.”
Jacob steps back towards the table, dropping back into his chair. His eyes dart around the bunker, thinking, and he starts to drum his fingers absently on the tabletop again.
Rook’s had enough, she slams the book shut on the table top and lashes out to grab Jacob’s hand and hold his fingers still, bunched up in her fist. She’s about to snap stop that when Jacob reacts to the sudden movement. He moves on autopilot, grabbing her wrist with his other hand and tugging her closer as he stands from his chair. He rises so fast that the chair scrapes on the floor in a pitch that makes Rook wince, then tips over and topples to the ground with a clamor of noise.
Jacob’s lightning quick reaction had yanked Rook right out of her chair. He’s dragged her up with him, and she has to rest a knee on the tabletop for balance, her other foot digging into the seat of her chair behind her.
When she looks up, Jacob’s leaning down right into her space, his usual controlled expression on edge. The closeness is so sudden that Rook wants to shrink back, but Jacob is still holding her wrist tight, pressing bruises into her skin.
“Don’t—do not do that,” Jacob warns, voice low in his throat.
“Then don’t fucking fidget so much,” Rook hisses through gritted teeth. “Find a fucking distraction.”
Not killing Jacob was supposed to be a compromise for her sanity, but that reasoning is very questionable right now. They can’t get along, and if Jacob keeps… being Jacob, Rook is sure to go mad in seven years.
Jacob holds her glare with gaze just as fierce, pale blue eyes like a biting frost on her face. “Look around you, Deputy. This bunker is empty in the entertainment category—you’re already losing your shit reading the few books here.”
He’s still not letting her go, and Rook might already be going mad because she thinks his gaze keeps dropping down to her lips.
A bad idea crawls into Rook’s head. Maybe it’s always been there, she’s just been doing her best to ignore it. But he’s so close now that she feels like the idea’s hanging right over her head. Rook breathes in deep and smacks her lips. Jacob’s eyes latch onto the movement like a magnet. Yeah, she’s not just imagining this.
“You know,” Rook says quietly, bringing her free hand up to rest on his shoulder. If she’s wrong about this, the next seven years are going to be so awkward. “There’s an art to life’s distractions. I could help. Maybe.”
Jacob’s brow twitches. “Maybe.”
Rook holds his gaze for a few more excruciating seconds, looking for any signs that she might be reading this wrong. She should be reading this wrong because this is fucking crazy. Jacob just stares back—but he’s not looking at her eyes.
Okay. Rook leans up and presses her lips to his. She holds for one second, two, then when he doesn’t respond she starts to pull away. But Jacob lets go of her wrist to tangle in her hair, his other hand finding a place on her hip, and pulls her close before her lips even leave his.
Rook melts into it, pressing closer, feeling his facial hair bristle against her face. His tongue swipes across her bottom lip, and Rook opens her mouth with a sigh, reveling in the low noise that escapes Jacob as he roams the warmth of her mouth.
Rook hasn’t even realized she’s wrapped herself around him, legs hitched at his sides, when static crackles from the radio nearby.
“Jacob? Jacob, are you there?”
Jacob freezes up, and unceremoniously drops Rook onto the table. She yelps as she lands on the tabletop, running a hand through her hair as she just breathes for a second.
“John, I’m here,” Jacob says into the radio.
John’s response comes a second later. “Sorry for keeping you waiting, confessions ran a little long.”
“‘Kay,” Jacob answers, tone clipped. “Talk to you next time. Over.”
Rook balks. He’d been fretting for so long over John and now he’s just leaving him in the dust. John’s confused, outright miffed reply starts to crackle through, but Jacob’s already turning the volume all the way down.
“Deputy.” He turns back to her, and Rook swears she saw the twitch of a smile. “Could use a distraction.”
So far, week 3 of bunker life isn’t going as bad as she thought.
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gettinziggywithit · 6 years
Text
OK, ok, so I’ve probably bitten off more than I can chew, but I am going to have fun with this, dammit! XD @semisolidmind and @irrelevantrenegade, based on your amazing art and ideas, let’s take a peek into the Bonezone with the boys and Chara and Frisk!  Stretch - regular text, italicized Rus - All caps, bolded Edge - All caps, bolded, italicized sans - lowercase text, italicized Blue - Every word starts with capital letter, bolded Red - regular text, italicized, New Yorker “accent” words. 
(If this is just a mess, I’m so sorry, this is the first time I’m ever attempting a feat like this so be gentle!!)
Chara was seriously going to kill Stretch.
The last thing she could remember was taking a nap on the couch before she started dinner and the next thing she knew, she was waking to darkness all around her due to a blindfold being around her head. She would have instantly removed it had her hands not been expertly tied behind her back. What really alarmed her was all of her clothes were gone. She was bound naked and helpless...wherever she was. Panicking just a little, she started to pull and yank at her bindings, desperate to get released. She brushed against someone and both she and whoever she bumped let out a small yelp.
“Easy, sugar, you’re alright. Let’s not give our lovely guest some bruises before we’ve even started to play.”
Chara froze as she recognized the voice. Stretch.
“Stretch, what the fuck is going on here?! Why am I bound, no wait, a better question: why the FUCK am I naked AND bound on the floor?!!!!?”
All she got in return was a chuckle that made her struggle more before his hands clamped around her shoulders to keep her still. She swallowed her anger and sucked in a breath as she felt him lean against her back and rubbed his cheekbone against hers.He angled her face to his for a kiss as his hands began to wander to her front, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She leaned into his touch and huffed in frustration, trying to really hold onto her anger and not relax into his touch. She nearly forgot that there was someone else in the room when a familiar voice screamed out.
“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, ASH TRASH. I HAD HOPED YOU HAD ENOUGH DECENCY FOR THE REST OF US TO SHOW UP BEFORE YOU BEGAN FONDLING PREMATURELY.”
Chara instantly pulled away from Stretch and gritted her teeth in anger, just what the fuck was going on and why was Edge here?! A series of footsteps followed and many more voices joined in.
“LANGUAGE, EDGY-ME! I...oh….OH MY GOD, YOU’VE ALREADY DISROBED HER?! NYEH, THAT’S THE BEST PART!!”
OK, so Chara could tell that Stretch had invited Edge and Rus over to...what, watch? Participate? But, with those particular skeletons here that only meant that their brothers couldn’t be that far behi-
“*whistles* damn, stretch, your little hellcat is a knockout for sure.  but, ‘course she’s still leagues behind my girl here.”
Wait, Frisk was here?! Shit, that’s probably who she bumped into in her attempt to escape!! Frisk was selectively mute and apart from a few groans or small whispers here and there, but other than, she’d never heard her speak before. She barely caught her whisper sans’ name under her breath before she felt Stretch stiffen behind her.
Chara felt Stretch’s growl rumble up his ribcage before it erupted from his mouth and the magic grew tense. There was a small scuffle and eventually sans gave a shitty apology. Chara guessed whatever Frisk had done/said, forced him to at least give a half assed sorry to temper Stretch’s anger.
“Brother! I Have Returned With Supplies, I Thought We Might- Brother, Really?! The Ladies Were Not Supposed To Be Disrobed Yet!”
Chara could hear a tiny foot stamp before both Stretch and sans chuckled, “lemme guess, bro, you wanted to undress Frisk yourself?”
Chara could hear Blue suck in a breath and then release it in a huff and then quickly whispered a “Maybe” out in the open before setting whatever he brought in to the side.
“Ya know goddamn well yer bro wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off Chara and YOU! Ya fuckin’ dirty cheat, ya said this shindig would be at 8PM!”
“IT’S 8:37PM, YOU LAZY SACK OF SH-”
“LANGUAGE!” “Language!”
Great, it seems every alternate universe was showing up. God, please make it stop. Chara shifted uncomfortably on the unforgiving floor, the least they could’ve done was put the both of them on a soft mat or something!
“HEY, IS SOMEONE GONNA EXPLAIN JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! WHY THE HELL ARE WE TIED UP, IS THIS SOME TWISTED GANGBANG YOU BONEHEADS SET UP, UGH, LET. ME. GO!”
Chara wrists were burning from constantly rubbing against whatever material that was holding her tight and she felt her breath starting to come out in great heaves. This was doing a number on her anxiety and was right on the path for an attack. Stretch returned behind her and wrapped protectively around her, petting her hair and shushing her, instructing to breathe evenly.
“Hey, hey, easy now, sugar. I wouldn’t do anything without your consent, ya said ya wanted to spice up the sex, well...I’m giving ya the whole rack and then some. But, we’re not going to do anything if ya don’t want to. Besides, this....”
Stretch reached down her front and rubbed a few of his phalanges through her pussy, just barely grazing her opening and she bucked in his grip.
“This is still mine and mine alone.”
Chara bit her lip, she supposed she did confide in Stretch that she wanted to try different things in the bedroom, but this was a little much! Still, he made it clear that she was in charge of this situation and gathering her determination, nodded her head to begin. She heard a number of skeletons chuckle as Stretch pulled away and left her sitting there. The sound of clothes rustling and belt buckles being loosened had her twitching around in anticipation, she had no idea how they would go about this. Would they take her all at once or one by one? So many tantalizing ideas were going through her head before she realized someone had stepped in front of her.
“Before we begin, tell everyone your safe word. If she says it, everything stops and you move away, no questions asked. Have I made myself explicitly clear? If you don’t, you won’t like what comes next…”
Chara felt a chill run down her spine at Stretch’s warning, he really meant it and she quickly offered up her safe word, “oatmeal”.
She heard the skelebros murmur their approvals and listened as Frisk went over her nonverbal signs with sans. When she felt Stretch wrap his favorite collar with the hanging heart around her neck, playtime had begun. Heart racing, she waited for whomever was first only to hear Rus yell out with glee, “I WON THE COIN TOSS, CHARA. I, THE GREAT RUS, WILL GET TO SERVICE YOU FIRST TONIGHT!”
She heard Edge groan and grumble as he muttered under his breath, “ASSHOLE, LIKE YOU COULD-.”
Edge never finished his sentence as he let out a grunt and Rus’ voice lowered to a deep timbre that she hadn’t heard before, “L A N G U A G E”
Magic filled the air as she felt him kneeling in front of her and he let out a growl in approval. Chara fidgeted around, not use to this side of Rus, and gasped when she felt not his gloves, but his bare hand firmly grasp her chin and pull it up, exposing her neck to him. She swallowed nervously and let out a stuttered breath when she felt his cool, manifested tongue lick a trail up her neck. The tongue trailed up her jaw and delved into her mouth as she was captured in a bruising kiss. He let his other hand wander down to her breast and squeezed gently, kneading the hardening nipple into his palm.
She moaned into his mouth as he pinched her nipple and then released her, growling again as his hands strayed to rub down her sides and to the front of her stomach, murmuring praise among rough nyehs, like “SO SOFT!”
Different scents started to linger in the area with the smell of sharp citrus permeating her senses the strongest. Her mouth watered, it smelled like fresh oranges and it definitely made her crave them, like now. She could hear Frisk next to her panting and breathing heavily, too. What kind of pleasure was she getting, could she see what was happening? The thought of not only being put on the spot in front of the three sets of brothers, but also her friend from the alternate universe, was so embarrassing, but fuck it sure made her burn hotter.
Rus’ hands returned to her breasts and he squeezed and rolled them in his hands, his skull resting near her ear as he whispered darkly, “I WANT EDGY-ME TO HEAR YOU SCREAM MY NAME THE LOUDEST TONIGHT, CHARA. ARE YOU READY?”
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italicwatches · 6 years
Text
GAMERS! Episode 09
Good god that was a lot of recycling I had to take in. But now, we can work. It’s GAMERS!, episode 09! Here we GO!
-We begin in the stark light of day, at a certain apartment. In the Past. Chiaki is narrating. The first time she ever made a game, she was in the fourth grade. Some slapdash little RPGMaker thing, by the looks of it. It was there she learned the cycle; the creator creates something out of love and passion, and the player takes that passion and rides it out. When it all works, it’s…amazing.
-Almost before she knew it, it was her main hobby, almost on top of even playing games. But even then, she would admit, it wasn’t always fun. Creation takes a piece out of you and puts it out for the world to see, and if the world rejects it…It hurts more than anything you could possibly imagine.
-And yet…She couldn’t stop. Because there was one person, one fan, who was always there. One soul who she knew she’d be letting down if she turned away. That, that dear and precious Yama-san, made it all worthwhile…
-Cut to the Now, as Chiaki knows everything and is just groaning on her floor. And Konoha calls her out on looking like some kind of weird slug.
-When Chiaki realizes she’s on the floor, and she can’t, quite, remember what was happening…Wasn’t she just playing board games with everyone? Then it all went, hazy…The last thing she remembered was…
-Was…
-Oh dear.
-Konoha. You know how in shoujo manga, the heroine sees the delinquent saving a dog out of the rain or something, realizes he’s a good guy, and falls in love with him? And how dumb that is? …Yes, where is this coming from…?
-Isn’t that a cheap storytelling trick? A cheat built up through shock value even though it’s a huge cliche? And definitely, absolutely, positively couldn’t happen to a real person SO WHY IS IT HAPPENING TO HER RIGHT NOW KONOHA TELL HER SHE’S NOT WRONG TO KEEP HATING HIM! TELL HER SHE CAN KEEP HATING KEITA! Um, er, you’re…A…A little scary…Who’s this about?
-Yama-san. Well Yama-san is just messing with y—
-WHAM
-SMACK TO THE FACE
-NOBODY TALKS BAD ABOUT HER YAMA-SAN. Wait. Shit. Konoha quietly realizes her sister is not just tsundere, but also yandere. And Chiaki realizes what she just did and puts it back together to her image of Keita and FUCK. She just kinda collapses into the fetal position, making angry grunting sounds. Guys I think we broke Chiaki.
-Opening! Oooh, I’ve been waiting for this one. It’s the rhythm genre, with Japan’s favorite game that never quite made it out to the West, Pop’n Music! One of Konami’s classic franchises, Pop’n Music is a rhythm action game where you’re trying to hit the notes in time with the beat…But unlike most rhythm games, the big schtick about Pop’n is it’s not built on an instrument, a dance platform, or any sort of imitation of musical action at all. Instead, it’s this abstract interwoven pattern of huge smackable buttons, and you smack these bright colorful buttons in time with the beat. You might recall that in Watamote, Tomoko is really fucking good at it. It’s a much beloved franchise…That, hasn’t had a home release since 2011 on the PSP. Where you can’t even use the controller and have to play with buttons unless you emulate it. As they say all around the world, FucKonami.
-DAY 09: Hoshinomori Chiaki and Account Hack
-Cut to Chiaki hiding in her room, trying to figure out what to say to Yama-san. Who, she now knows is Keita. Does she keep up the illusion? Does she speak as Nobe-san? He, he doesn’t know what she knows. Does she confront him about it? Does she, just, hide and not do anything? Ugh, she doesn…doesooH GOD CHAIR
-Aaand Chiaki is on the ground. DAMMIT! This SUCKS! Okay, deep breath. She goes to talk to her sister…Who has a panic of her own, frantically making noise in her room, and…
-So, uh…
-How do I put this gently…
-Konoha came to answer her door sweaty, panting, and having shoved on a hoodie with no sign of anything underneath that hoodie. Draw your own conclusions, as even Chiaki realizes her sister must have been doing something and Konoha insists she was just doing some light exercise. Oh, is that what the kids call it now. Yeah, light exercise. Nothing suspicious! Just some wholesome, innocent exercise, complete with innocent whistling and innocent cries of “Oh god”! So what did you need?
-Chiaki is going down to the store, do you need any—
-You’re going to go buy the latest Famitsu, aren’t you.
-…Okay yes. And she goes to head out, when Konoha stops to ask if she can borrow Chiaki’s PC! Um, okay, but why…? Well, you see, that is to say, er…This video isn’t working right on her computer! Oh, sure thing. Whatcha watching?
-DEFINITELY NOT PORN
-NOW GO HAVE FUN AT THE STORE
-SAFE TRAVELS
-It is a burning grim heat outside, as Chiaki makes her way through the furious summer heat down to the convenience store…And there it is! The latest Famitsu! Perfect, now she can just get—
-Knock knock.
-Knock knock? She’s in a convenience store, who the hell knocks on…
-…Keita is on the other side of the window. Looking at her.
-PANIC
-They end up out around the corner in the shade, as she keeps trying to be all tsuntsun, but it’s not fucking working because she knows his other sides now. Which is how he ends up with a cold treat, and insists he ran into her on his way to get his transit pass which he left at her place. Not stalking. Not being weird. Just, needs, his pass so he can get on a damn train again. Hell, he even tried to text and call! You what?
-…Oh god her phone’s dead why is her phone dead? Don’t you remember to charge it? Hell, don’t you play mobile games or something? Um, er, well, you see…! S-S-S-She just gets asked out by so many boys that she forgot to charge it!
-…Don’t be ridiculous, Chiaki. FUCK YOU WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER?
-He knows your body.
-And Chiaki just drops her freezy treat, as her brain locks up. Wh-Wh-What wa—
-You’re as pale as he is. You’re not out doing stuff and getting asked out by boys over the summer, you’re hiding indoors and playing games, same as him.
-And thus begins the awkward walk back to her place, as she says she did find a wallet…But what’s he even need it for if he’s at home playing games all day? Well…Things might be different this summer. And she flashes back to him, with Karen, and oh, right, she had her chance and she fuckin’ lost it. She tries to get tsuntsun again, acting like he’s so self-conscious it makes him come off as creepy…
-Well, he admits he’s not the most cool or stylish guy. But he wants to push himself out of his comfort zone, and be a little braver…A little more worthy of standing next to Karen. Hell, trying to be more than he was, was how he ended up talking to Chiaki in the first place! And seeing how much of a gamer she was back on that first day, that really took out all of his nervousness…It just got easy to talk to her after all that…Oh, oh poor Chiaki. She locks right up, as Keita says how they’re just too different in the end to truly be friends…
-And she tries to act like he was an annoyance from the start, only useful for how it got her to meet Tasuku…But it’s not really working at this point, especially not for her.
-And then it’s back to her place where she says he should at least stay and have some tea, since she still has to find the fuck it’s right there HIDE IT um as she was saying, she should at least put some tea on to be polite, while she tries to find where your wallet went, it’s definitely not behind her back, just have a seat and she’ll get to looking…
-Oh god he’s seeing her undergarments hanging out to dry on the balcony QUIT LOOKING. H-He’ll just go, you can text him when you find the wallet—NO STAY! LOOK IF YOU MUST! That doesn’t even make sense! So Chiaki’s broken inside.
-Um, er, she’s gonna go charge her phone! Be right back! But he should really YOU STAY ON THAT FUCKING COUCH RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKER. And then she sprints into her room, finally getting her phone plugged in…And looks through all of the messages from Tsucchie on her phone…And can’t help but smile. Dammit, what is she feeling for this jackass who was so important to her life without her even knowing…
-Which is when he comes and knocks on her door?! Hey it’s starting to look like rain out there you should get your laundry in. Right, right, she’ll be right…
-And her phone bumps her computer. Where her Nobe-san game site is up. OH GOD DON’T LOOK and her phone flies out of her hands. Landing at his feet. With her MMO account up DON’T LOOK AT THAT EITHER she tries to stop him, but hits her foot on a copy of Famitsu and that goes flying and she hits the ground HARD.
-And in the chaos, Keita ends up with her phone in his hands, and OH GOD DON’T LOOK AT EITHER OF THEM QUIT LOOKING AT HER THINGS! She grabs his foot, trying to drag him down with her, as Keita spots Nobe-san’s site…Oh, you’re a fan of hi—
-Wait, you said phone. Wait that account says Mono-san. What is…
-Oh god, she’s screwed. Okay. Deep breath. To her feet. Keita! …Yes…? She never intended to tell you this, but…But…It’s exactly what it looks like!
-Nobe-san the freeware developer…And Mono-san your guild-bro…They’re both…
-Konoha awakens, having done something so enjoyable that she dozed right off on Chiaki’s bed after she finished. What a wonderful nap! What happened? …Why is this guy here?!
-…An out. She has an out! Nobe-san and Mono-san are BOTH HER SISTER! Wait what. Chiaki, no. Chiaki you’re just making this worse! Are you even listening to me?! (She’s not, she’s a fictional character)
-So this is the first Konoha is hearing about this.
-Commercial break!
-And we’re back! Keita got out of there and is now with Tasuku having lunch and telling him everything…And this, makes, no, sense! Because he knows the actual truth and now KEITA BELIEVED HER?! Lord, what happened to Tasuku’s normal life? So…what happened after that? Well, Chiaki locked him down in the living room and refused to let him leave its confines until she was done dealing with the laundry and handling everything…And it took a good ten minutes before Chiaki brought Konoha back out to properly ‘introduce’ her as Nobe-san and Mono-san…
-Explaining how, having recently learned of their connection, she wanted to find a way to tell Keita and thus came off as weird. Uh huh. Sure. That’s what happened. Even in the moment, Keita was left feeling like she was talking to one of those chatbots that aaaaalmost manages a perfect imitation of a Cute Girl, but is just a little ‘off’…And He definitely saw both Nobe-san’s page and Mono-san’s account…But he can’t quite connect them to Konoha, from what he’s seen to her.
-Of course you can’t. Tasuku knows that that’s because Keita’s sense of a person is actually working. But he can’t rip the wool off those eyes now that Chiaki put it there…This is the path she chose to try and get herself out of her situation, and every other time he’s interfered it’s just fucked his life even worse…
-But now, now he can’t even be happy for Keita and Karen…Wait, what was that? Oh god he said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet he’s, uh, gotta get to work, yeah! Here have the rest of his fries GOTTA GO
-And cut to Tasuku on his delivery scooter, trying to just pull himself as far away as possible from the situation, as he tries to figure out what the hell to do…
-And Keita, Keita is left assuming that Tasuku must really like Karen. Which means he’s left in a moral quandary. What to do. This girl who’s a thousand miles above him but somehow smiles when she looks at him, and the only friend he has…Is he going to lose one of them no matter what he does?
-Or…Could there be some other girl in his life, someone who Tasuku was trying to back?
-Don’t be absurd, that’s ridiculous! That would never happen! No, he’s just got to work with the actual truth as he knows it! (Oh my god you fucking aaaaaargh)
-Hard cut to Keita at the game shop, grabbing a copy of MOON STORY from the dating sim section. Don’t think him disloyal, Karen…! Oh hey, we get to see the real name of the PZ Vivio. It’s the PZ Tiva. …Mine’s better. I’m gonna keep calling it the Vivio. And then it’s up to the counter, to buy his copy of the Vivio version of MOON STORY—
-And an 18+ PC version slams down on the counter next to him. Held by Konoha.
-The ONE day she didn’t disguise herself! THE ONE FUCKING DAY! As they end up around the corner and WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING WHY DO YOU KEEP BEING IN HER LIFE?! And Keita tries to parse this, with his understanding of Nobe-san and Mono-san…And this is just not the same girl as them.
-And she tries to catch herself and don’t pay attention! S-She’ll be fine later when you talk to Nobe-san and Mono-san! So, yeah! That makes sense quit questioning iT SHUT UP YOU STUPID HALF-ASSED DATING SIM FAN WHO WON’T EVEN BUY THE NAUGHTY BITS VERSION!
-…So…This is multiple personality disorder, then?
-…SURE! Yes, sure that is what is going on! Makes total sense, they’ll use that! Just think of them as two different people! Yes, she can use that! …Uh…Huh.
-Anyways that’s how they end up both walking together, and finally getting to interact, as she realizes he’s got a year on her, so she should probably respect her as a senpai…But even Keita admits, that ship fucking sailed. It’d just be weird at this point. Even better! She can just keep being like this! Now, keep the adult games a secret. From everyone. Or you die. …Yes ma’am.
-So what do you think of her sister? Huh, Chiaki? Well…He…Doesn’t really. OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE ROPED INTO THEIR STUPID DRAMA. Ahem. That is to say…What do you think of Mono-san and Nobe-san, then? …You mean you. Just answer the question! He’s really happy…He loves her work as Nobe-san, and as Mono-san she helped him through some really hard times!
-…Fuck fuck FUCK. She’s not sure whether to be happy at the praise, jealous of Chiaki, guilty with the lie, or frustrated with being stuck into this because of her fucking idiot sister! This SUCKS! Let her hit you! Right now! That doesn’t eve—
-KONOHA PUUUUNCH
-And Keita goes flying.
-Cut to Chiaki. Who is goofing off on her phone when OH GOD A KEITA. Why are you here?! How does he even answer that.
-So Konoha explains she was already planning to meet up with her sister her. Oh, that explains why you were at that shop buying an erotic game so close to you—
-SPEAK NOTHING OF IT IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Yes ma’am why you…ran into him…While he was at that shop! Alone! Buying an erotic game!
-Chiaki is disgusted by it, and also since when are you two that close? …W-Well, since Konoha’s revealed now, lots of times! They’ve talked about her work, and been guild partners for so long, you know, of course you know…And Konoha tries to figure out how to get out of this. Whyyyyy don’t you tell Chiaki all about your admiration for her work as Nobe-san!
-And now Chiaki is deeply judgmental of this porn-buying freak(Hey, HEY. We all buy porn except those of us who have free sources, back off) palling around with her innocent, naive, gentle little imouto. I’m not entirely sure it’s physically possible for a younger sister to not be a secret pervert in anime at this point. And that’s when Chiaki gets a phonecall, which pulls her away, and Keita sees his chance to leave…And now Konoha feels some complicated emotions for Keita who did indeed cover for her like that, and isn’t what SHE thought he was either…
-When Chiaki gets a little panicky, and mentions Tasuku’s name, and suddenly her line goes dead. Tasuku just, just blurted something out super serious and hung up…He said…”I’ve decided I’m choosing you”! Wait…Is…Did he just…Did he just confess to you?!
-And miles away, Tasuku sneezes.
-Credits! New credits, with new scenery of the whole gang.
TASUKU YOU FUCKING STUPID oh my GOD what have you done?! What, have, you, done?! This was almost working! It was almost stable! AAAARGH
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