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kaashiboo · 3 years

Note

hiii i hope u have a nice day! how would akaashi and kita react if their s/o cries because of how much they love them?? idek if that makes sense nsnsm but i hope u understand ! byeee stay safe

haikyuu boys reacting to you crying because of how much you love them

┇ akaashi and kita

→fluff

gn!reader

【warnings: none】

✎ a/n: AAAH this is the first ever request that I've gotten so i was really excited when i saw the notification heh:') i really appreciate the request! i hope i did well on this oneee. stay safe to you too! <3 and thank you for your patience because i know this took a long time hehe.

akaashi

you were patiently waiting in the library for akaashi as he offered to study with you for the upcoming exams but since he still has practice, you decided to just wait for him.

you had a mental debate with yourself whether you should start studying already or just use your phone— and you obviously choose the latter.

you stared at your wallpaper, it was a candid picture of akaashi crouched down with bread crumbs on his palms as an attempt to feed the birds. it was honestly such a lovely experience.

a wide grin never left your face. a sigh of contentment escaped from your lips. you propped your elbow on the table, resting your chin on your palm as you continually scroll through your album named 'memories with keiji<3'.

you stop scrolling for a while, starting to realize how lucky you are to have akaashi in your life. memories of you two together flooded your mind and you start tearing up.

"love, try feeding the birds. just try not to... look scary." he teased, you let out a loud and offended 'huh?', startling some of the birds and he gave you an i-told-you look.

"y/n, sweetie. i bought snacks for you since i heard from the school's nurse that you were having some bad cramps."

"sweetheart, it's okay to cry. i'm here now, you don't need to hide your feelings from me because i would always be more than willing to help you, okay?"

"you did great, my love! i am so proud of you. i love you."

you hadn't noticed that akaashi was secretly watching you from afar until you heard a soft thump on the floor and you quickly looked up at him.

"kei—" you were about to greet him but he immediately embraced you.

your eyes widened in surprise, rubbing his back soothingly. "is there something wrong?" you whispered softly, your other hand making its way to play with his hair.

"shouldn't i be the one asking you that?" he pulled away, cupping your cheeks in his hands and wiped your tears with his thumb and you finally noticed that you were crying the whole time.

"oh no," you laughed a bit. "i'm alright, keiji. i was just overwhelmed." you tried explaining but he was still reluctant at your response and so you picked up your phone that you placed on the table as soon as you caught sight of his presence.

"see? i was just looking at our pictures. i swear, i didn't mean and i never even noticed that i started crying." he finally relaxed. sensing that you were still in a good mood.

"but why were you even crying in the first place?" you slowly turned your head to the side where you can't see him. too embarrassed to answer but he held your chin between his thumb and index finger, slowly guiding your head to face him.

you knew you could have looked away but you couldn't help but to just stare back. "i love you." you blurted, causing him to smile.

"i love you too, sweetheart. but i don't think that answers my question."

"well that was my answer." you saw his smile turn into a small smirk, "i don't think i understand what you're trying to imply, my love. could you please explain it more?" you playfully pinched his cheeks before planting a kiss on the same spot.

"it's okay to cry, love." he muttered.

kita

"how has he been?" granny yumie looked at you adoringly as you prepared a bento box to bring to kita as he was still in practice.

"he's been treating me better than anyone could, granny." you answered honestly.

"that's good to hear, y/n-chan, but i think i would love to hear you talk about him more. come on, it's just the two of us." she insisted. you chuckled before wrapping up the food you had prepared before sitting down on the floor across her. ready to give in and do what she requested.

"shinsuke is a very lovely boy, granny. truth to be told, i was very intimidated when i first bumped into him and the way he looked at me weirdly because i was the one who apologized when he spilled his drink on me,” you laughed as you thought about it.

“but he was also kind enough to lend me his jacket before he rushed off to practice and i was thankful for it because i at least had the reason to find him and return him his jacket.” you glanced at granny yumie who was intently listening to you talk.

“and the day after that, i returned his jacket but he insisted that i should keep it,” you paused again, smiling a bit before pointing at the jacket you were currently wearing. “it’s this one.” you said before continuing with your story.

“and because we were in the same year, he would always give me his notes even though i don’t really need them— well i kinda do need them since i don’t like writing. not only that but he offered to always walk me home.”

“granny, i wonder how he’s able to pull off that kind of thing?” you bit your lips, trying to come up with an answer.

“what thing, dear?”

“he may not be the most affectionate person in the world but i still feel so loved whenever i’m with him. he’s not like me who always craved their partner’s touch but even so, he still manages to show that he cares and that he loves me very much and i am beyond grateful to have him. he’s so patient and understanding with me.” you pouted in a playful manner, trying to hide the fact that you were close to crying.

you’ve never had problems with talking about your relationship with kita to other people but this conversation with granny yumie is different since you were used to talk about the two of you casually but this time, nothing but sincerity lingered in the air and you couldn’t help but swallow the lump in your throat that was starting to build up.

“ah, i think they would have their break in a few minutes soon, granny. i should probably go ahead now.” you excused yourself.

“be careful on the way, y/n-chan.” she reminded you.

“will do, granny! thank you for helping me prepare shin’s food.” you bowed and left hurriedly.

once you are out of the house, you let the tears stream endlessly, clutching tightly onto the fabric wrapped around the bento box to not accidentally let it go.

you were walking at a fast pace not until someone held your shoulders, forcing you to look up.

“y/n?”

“shin!” you yelped in surprise, wiping your tears with the back of your hand before smiling at him.

“wait why are you here? aren’t you supposed to be in practice?” you narrowed your eyes. realizing that he was wearing a new t-shirt.

“i could be asking you the same question, darling. but to answer yours, we ended practice early.” he let go of you before scanning your face completely and you felt like melting under his gaze, “do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“it’s a ridiculous reason, shin. it’s fine.” you insisted before holding your hand out for him to get the food that you made for him and he gladly accepted it.

“nothing is ridiculous if it’s you, y/n. especially if it’s your feelings. you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?” he grabbed your wrist gently, pulling you to the bench near where you two were standing and pushed you down to sit.

shin: y/n, good morning. please do not forget to eat breakfast.

shin: hello. i heard from your classmates yesterday that you would have a quiz later. do not forget to review. if you need my help, just call me.

shin: the nurse told me you were sick. don’t wait for me anymore, we decided to not have practice today. i’ll pick you up from your classroom then walk you home and take care of you.

shin: y/n, love? suna just sent me a screenshot of the songs you’re currently listening to. are you sure you feel fine?

“love. i know that you are great friends with the twins but is it okay if you tell them to not always smother you especially when you are with me?” kita said. trying to keep his tone remain usual but the hint of bitterness was still there.

you felt him squeeze your hand when you chuckled at him. “of course, shin. i’ll make sure to tell them that. i’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.” you reassured.

you’ve heard kita sigh for the fifth time ever since he arrived at your house.

“shin? is something bothering you?”

“y/n. i know i may not be the most affectionate person but please do not hesitate to initiate affection for me.” you couldn’t help but smile at him. completely placing your phone down on your bed.

“of course, baby. do you have a particular reason that made you say that to me?” you asked, worried.

“you haven’t hugged me ever since i got here.” you almost could not hear him but his straightforward attitude never failed to amuse you and so you pulled him into a tight hug immediately.

“love?” you heard him utter once again and you finally snapped out of your trance. tears threatening to escape once again.

“please tell me what’s wrong.” he looked at you worriedly.

“i love you.” you smiled.

“i know. i love you more, y/n. but i am still concerned about you.”

“nothing’s wrong, shin. don’t worry. i was just thinking of how lucky i am to have you.” he chuckled at your statement.

“is that why you’re crying?” you nodded as a response, laughing awkwardly.

“well, i think that is an odd reason, y/n. however, i know that crying is not only caused when a person is sad. it can be caused my numerous reasons but i think i would rather see you smile.” he gently wiped the tears away with his handkerchief that you two bought together at a mall when you had your first date.

“you still have those?” you pointed at the piece of fabric and he nodded.

“of course i do. i keep everything that has anything to do with you— oh no, love, please stop crying.” he slightly panics.

#kaashiboowrites #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #akaashi x reader #akaashi imagines #akaashi fluff #akaashi scenarios #akaashi keiji #kita x reader #kita imagines #kita fluff #kita scenarios #kita shinsuke #haikyuu headcanons

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everything-laito · 3 years

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hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

#analysis #ask corn

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #howie my pizza king #lily hsmtmts

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beauvibaby · 4 years

Text

go swimming? - j.benn

requested [] yes [x] no

a/n: idek what this is, but I love it bc it’s Jamie, enjoy (not proofread)

You pushed open the back door, eyebrows instantly shooting up when your co-worker gasped in relief at your presence. “Y/N, thank god, there’s a line out the front door.” Mark gasped, and you hoped out of sight line from your boss, knowing you were early and he would have you clock in right away, the downfall of being slightly above the regular hourly employees, a shift leader, really but the only difference is you wore a different shirt. “Y/N, clock in!” Your boss, Tom, called from the front line, already beginning to put an apron on and get in the kitchen, “good luck!” Mark called from his prep station, shooting you a smirk when you glanced back with a glare. You shoved your things into the office, silencing your phone and shoving it into your pocket, you clocked in, in record time before turning to the expo counter and gasping at the nearly twenty minute tickets that hadn’t even begun to be prepared. “Read it off, Y/N, come on!” Your boss snapped, you pushed the annoyance aside, knowing despite him being a manager of his own store for years, he didn’t handle stress well. You began rattling off orders, food being slide over to you left and right, you continued to quickly tray it up, turning around and placing it on the counter, shouting out the name on the order into the full dining room.

This went on for over an hour, the lunch rush continuing, but finally once it slowed down enough you went out into the dining room to help the other girls clean up. Garbage was overflowing, the soda machine was out of more than a few things, napkins were empty, ketchup spilt on the counters by children. You held in a sigh as you made your way around the dining room, plastering that work smile on your face, taking empty bins and trays from people’s tables, the only thing that made today even a little better was seeing some of the regular guests in there. You chatted with them for a while, laughing at something the older gentleman said to you, his wife chastising him for keeping you up. “It’s alright, we all need a good distraction sometimes.” You shot him a wink as you walked off, silently telling him thank you. He chuckled, going back to playfully bickering with his wife, you shook your head with a smile, hoping one day that you and Jamie would be that lucky. You made your way to the back, gasping as you and Mark rounded the corner at the same time, sending his freshly cut food flying to the floor and the dirty dishes you had in your hands smushed to the front of your shirt. “Oh, I’m sorry!” Mark rushed, scrambling to help you pick up the food and plates, “it’s fine, I’ll get it, go cut more food before-“ “Mark, I need those tomatoes!” Tom shouted, rushing to the back and freezing when he saw them on the floor. “Jesus Christ.” He snapped storming back to the front, “waiting on tomatoes.” Tom muttered to the assistant manager who was looking at him expectantly.

“Go, Mark, I’ll clean this up.” You assured him, carefully squatting to scoop up the mess. You walked over to the sink, putting the dishes into the water, gasping at how frigid it was, you scrambled to drain it and replace it with the hot soapy water. “Y/N!” Lola gasped running over to you, “code brown.” She snapped, watching as your face fell, code red meant corporate was here, code yellow meant the healthy inspector was here, but code brown, that meant they were both here. “Go, go, go!” You demanded, jumping into defensive mode, “change the Sanitizer buckets.” You demanded, knowing that would be the first thing they checked. You ran over to the prep kitchen, “code brown!” You snapped, everyone went into a panic, scrambling to make sure everything was purposefully to code. “Nose goes!” Mark shouted, his finger shooting to the tip of his nose, everyone followed suit before you could even process it. “Fuck.” You muttered, going to find Tom. “Health inspector, and corporate just pulled up.” You mumbled, and he froze, muttering under his breath, he turned to give you a list of things to check. “You need to change your shirt.” He snapped, only then did you realize it was covered in smeared sauce from the dishes, “and then the normal routine!” He called into the kitchen as you ran towards the back door, you nodded, thankful for your decision to keep an extra shirt in your car for work.

Once you scrambled to change in the bathroom. You came out and were greeted by even more of a disaster, the health inspector shaking his head at Tom, along with Tom’s boss from corporate, Adam. Tom shot you a look and instantly you knew you’d be getting an earful from him once they left. The labels in the walk in freezer had timed out, and that was one of the things on your list. You shot them a smile, playing coy as you rushed towards the dining room, at least going to make sure everything up there was maintained properly.

***

“Y/N, office now.” Tom snapped, storming into the office, paperwork from the health inspector in hand, everyone shot you a look as they knew you were going to get ripped to shreds, as if it’s your fault that his employees don’t follow the rules. “I did my best, ok? Keep that in mind.” You grumbled daringly when the door shut, “I know.” He snapped, “we barely passed!” He slapped the paper down in front of you. You picked it up, and looked at the inspection, you scoffed, “these are all your problems, these are all kitchen markings, the dining room and cash registers were good!” You exclaimed, placing the paper back down. He looked at you, eyes ablaze, “don’t talk to me like that, Y/N, you’re pushing your luck.” He demanded and it pushed you over the edge, “no, I don’t think I am, I’m overworked and underpaid, you treat me more like a manager than your actual managers! So unless you want to pay me what I deserve, I think I might have to start looking for another job.” You crossed your arms, staring him down. “So are you saying you want me to put an ad out for a shift leader?” He retorted, sitting on his chair, making you feel belittled even though you were still standing. “If you don’t want to give me a raise like you should’ve done when I started wearing this special shirt, then yes, you should put an ad out.” You demanded, grabbing your purse, “would you look at that, my shift is over.” You scoffed, opening the door, “Y/N!” Tom stuck his head out of the doorway. You froze as your time card printed out, glancing over your shoulder at him as he spoke, everyone’s eyes ongoing between the two of you. “Be prepared to train your replacement.” His voice had venom dripping from it, and Lola gasped, nearly dropping the food she had in her hands, Mark shot daggers into the back of Tom’s skull. Everyone was shocked, to say the least, you’d been through so much here, you’d been here since the restaurant opened, people in corporate knew you by your first name alone, they wanted to use you in nationwide training videos. “Fine.” You hissed, pulling your composure together long enough to calmly walk to your car, but the second you shut your car door, you lost it, the weight of what has just happened hitting you. You pulled your phone out, dialing Jamie’s number before pulling out of your parking spot. “Hi, baby, heading home now?” He answered cheerfully, oblivious to how your voice was about to come out as a cry. “Jamie?” You whispered, “I think I just quit.” Your voice broke, you heard him sigh softly, “it’s alright, Y/N, don’t cry, please.” He mumbled, “drive safe, please, I’ll be here waiting for you.” He added, knowing you couldn’t speak about it while driving, he knew you, and he knew that you’d be too emotional. “Ok.” You whimpered.

***

The front door opened the second you parked your car in the driveway, Jamie had a soft, comforting smile on his face, arms opening when you climbed out of the car. “Hey.” Jamie spoke, frowning when you pouted up at him, “I hated that job, why am I so emotional?” You questioned, suddenly feeling stupid for the way you were reacting, and feeling like this only showed Jamie more of your age gap. “Because, that’s been your only job, baby, you’ve been there for years.” He brushed your stray hair back, “just because your boss was a prick, doesn’t make it any easier to leave, you made friends there, they’re family to you.” He explained, making sure you absorbed his words, you looked up at him, eyes wide, slightly teary, but mostly just nodding along with him. “Yeah.” You mumbled, “Wanna tell me what happened?” He asked, pulling you in for a quick kiss, before guiding you inside, you went on to explain everything to him, watching the way he clenched his jaw a little tighter when he listened to you tell him about the way Tom treated you. He never liked him, the first time Jamie met you, not shockingly at your job, he walked in with Tyler and a freshly drafted Miro, they all gave an odd glance as you walked back to the cash register, your boss angrily going to work on the expo counter.

“Hi, my name is Y/N, I’ll be taking your order, what can I get started for you today?” You spoke the rehearsed line, looking up you met Jamie’s eyes first, and that’s all it took, you were a grinning fool the rest of the day, your co workers teasing you all day, making fun of the blush that had stayed on your cheeks. When you went over to grab the stuff from their table, you were more than shocked to have the cute guy, who’s name you had finally learned was Jamie, had left his number on a napkin, his hand writing sloppily saying “please make sure Y/N gets this”

“I’m sorry, but you know what this means?” He questioned, voice raising a bit in excitement, you looked up from your spot on the couch, your head lazily resting in his lap while you spoke, “what?” You questioned, confusion covering your face. “You get to stay home with me while you look for a job, a job that you’ll love.” He spoke happily, fingers tracing your jaw. “That’s true.” You pondered, you would have the ability to find a job you really loved, you had money saved, you and Jamie lived together, it would be nice. “There’s that smile.” He hummed happily, you hadn’t even realized you’d begun beaming until he spoke up. “Thank you.” You whispered, sitting up to kiss him, laughing against his lips when he held you there. He finally released you, helping you sit up properly. “You are the best thing that came out of that job.” You spoke with one hundred percent certainty, moving to straddle his lap, he grinned childishly at your words, brown eyes showing his happiness. “Really?” He questioned, “Jamie, of course.” You giggled, cupping his bearded jaw, “that hell hole gave me my forever.” You told him cheesily, watching as he processed your words, his head falling back in laughter.

“Way to ruin the moment.” You scoffed teasingly, climbing off of his lap, “no, baby!” He whined, reaching for you, “it was sweet.” He added, gasping in fake shock when you stepped out of his reach again, you loved the moments like this, when you both just forgot about life and just had these fun childlike moments. “You know you can’t outrun me, right?” Jamie raised his brows, seeing the way you kept glancing at the hallway out of the living room. “Doesn’t mean I won’t try.” You teased, setting your phone on the coffee table, as well as taking your belt off from work that was suffocating you. “Five second head start, because I’ve had a bad day.” You pouted down at him, tilting your head just the right way to make your hair fall over your shoulder, you knew it always killed him when you did that, and you could tell by the look in his eyes that his mind was already wandering elsewhere. “Five seconds, that’s it.” He mumbled, arms grabbing the back of your thighs, you leaned down and gave him a quick teasing kiss, “that’s not fair.” He groaned, chasing your lips when you pulled away. “Sorry, bub, I never said I played fair, and I happen to think you like it a bit more this way.” You smirked, stepping out of his hold. He pouted at you, looking absolutely ridiculous with a pout surrounded by his bushy beard. “Love you!” You shouted, laughing as you took off down the hall, hearing him counting down, you grinned as you heard his feet rushing up behind you. “No!” You shrieked, laughing hysterically when he grabbed you from behind, easily swinging you around as he swayed over to the bed.

“Told you.” He mumbled against your neck, chastely kissing you there, dropping you onto the bed, laughing when you gasped face falling into the mattress. He flipped you over, hovering over you, admiring the way your eyes shined as you looked up at him. “What?” You whispered, blushing under his gaze, “nothing, you’re just so cute.” He complimented, “and pretty, and smart, and funny.” He added, watching the way you sheepishly looked away. “Don’t hide from me.” He chastised, tilting you back by your chin. “Stop making me blush.” You whined, wrapping your arms around his neck, “never.” He grinned, allowing you to pull him down for a kiss. Before it could get too heated you pushed him off softly, “want to go swimming?” You asked, smiling softly, it was a scorcher out today, and the thought of getting into the pool and floating around with Jamie sounded relaxing. “Mhm, but doesn’t it sound better to stay up here, in bed.” He tried to persuade you, but you didn’t budge, “please, baby.” You mumbled, knowing he would give in from the way you were looking up at him. “Fine.” He grumbled, rolling off of you, watching as you stood up, tossing your shirt off over your head, “well that’s just rude.” He sat up in record time, smiling as you winked at him over your shoulder, mischief dancing in your eyes. You giggled to yourself, as you changed in the closet, not that it mattered, Jamie peeked his head in, smirking when you looked over as you slipped the straps of your bathing suit onto your shoulders. “You’re a perv.” You teased, approaching him, seeing he’d already slipped into his swim trunks, tattoos on full display.

“Only for you.” He winked, following you down the stairs, and out towards the pool. He immediately got into the water, splashing you teasingly as you walked in slowly, hair tied in a messy bun on the top of your head. “Sometime today, baby, you’re really testing my patience.” He groaned, floating around in the water as he watched you slowly sink into the water, your body covered by the black one piece, cut outs adorning your sides. “Aw, poor boy.” You quipped, swimming over to him, arms circling around his shoulders, his resting in your hips, “yeah, you should really take pity on me, my girlfriend is being a huge tease today.” He mumbled, hiding his face in your neck, leaving some sloppy kisses, “oh is she?” You mumbled, smirking against his shoulder as you rested your head against him, soaking up this one on one time, he squeezed your sides. “Doesn’t take much to get you going.” You commented, smiling when he laughed softly, floating around in the water, your legs wrapped around his waist. “How could it when I’ve got this beautiful girl hanging off of me?” He retorted, holding under your thighs, letting you lean back in his hold, “such a sweet talker.” You giggled, smiling wholeheartedly at him, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Not really.” He tilted his head, smiling at you, splashing some water onto your shoulders as they already started turning pink under the sun. “I like it.” You shrugged, knowing sometimes he wondered if he treated you the way you wanted to be treated. “Hey, don’t get all shy on me now.” You mumbled, catching his lips, “you’re my flirty man, but you know when I’m not in the mood, and you drop it, and you let me cry on you, and you go swimming with me even though I was just teasing you. You take me to your games, you give the best hugs, and you love my family as much as your own.” You rambled, stopping when a grin etched onto his face. “Alright, alright, I get it, I love you.” He murmured, kissing you softly again, but this time you let it progress. “I love you too, now let’s get out of this pool, you’ve been patient enough.” “Thank god.”

Taglist: @softstarkey @kempe @wtfkie @mtkachuk @literarycharleton

#Jamie benn #Jamie benn imagine #Jamie benn imagines #Jamie benn fic #Dallas stars #imagine #imagines #nhl writing

109 notes · View notes

olivyh · 3 years

Text

Into Wonderland Chapter Two: Savanaclaw Part Two

They wake up in a jungle, sputtering and coughing water.

"Are you okay?" A soft voice asks them, shaking their shoulder lightly as they cough out more water. The boy pats their back soothingly as they catch their breath, leaping to their feet and searching the area.

"Ruggie?! Jack?!" They panic, no sign of their friends.

"Wait..." The boy asks, slowly approaching them. "Jack? Ruggie? Are you..." The teenage boy's expression lightens and he pulls them in for a hug. The human, shocked, awkwardly pats the boy's back.

They pull away, scanning the boy's features- Messy, orange and yellow hair, wide brown eyes, large lion ears poking out of the top of his head.

"Cheka?!" They yell. The boy winces. There was no doubt about it- aside from now being taller than the human and a lot sharper- the teenager was still the same little boy who ran away all those years ago. "We were looking everywhere for you!"

"...Really?" The boy goes quiet and slouches down, tears welling in his eyes. "'m sorry..."

"No no no!" The human reassures, now bring the one to pat the boy on the back. "It's okay! You went through a lot... I'm sure Leona will be happy to see you back!"

"Really?!" The boy's ears perk up, and the human can hear his tail thudding against the dirt. "I'm just so worried that-"

"Who in the fresh fuck are you?" A voice yelps from the bushes behind them. Mc turns, eyes widening when they see a familiar pair of ruby red eyes, a pair of bright green ones next to them. They still have their rabbit ears, despite being messy and larger than before.

"Ace! Deuce!" They exclaim, standing from their spot.

"...How do you know our names?" Deuce asks, looking at the human curiously.

"I-" Mc stammers. "You don't remember? From Wonderland? The queen of hearts almost killed us!"

"Oh!" Cheka stands between the human and the confused hares. "They're not from the Savanna!"He turns to Mc. "You're probably confusing them- it's a funny coincidence though!"

"...yeah..." The human murmurs. "Anyways- we need you back home! Everyone is really upset at Leona right now and-"

"Why?" Cheka asks.

"Because he can't get laid!" Mc exclaims, frustratedly throwing their hands in the air. "And there's no heir to the throne and-"

"Wait- throne?" Deuce gasps. "Are you seriously a prince?!" He exclaims, backing away from Cheka.

"Was!" Chela sighs. "I don't belong there any more..."

"Yes you do!" Mc stomps. "Listen, everyone back at home was upset that you went missing- Leona most of all, even if he doesn't show it-" They mutter that last part. "Either way, the stability of the pride is in danger, and so is Leona and Ruggie!"

"What do you mean?" Cheka's ears perk up. Mc explains Leona's plan to pass on his power to whoever he sees fit- and being closest to beastmen who aren't lions, how people see them, especially Ruggie, as he's the closest, as threats to their pride. They explain how if Cheka went back, he could avoid all of that and save them from anyone who could try to overthrow Leona, or worse- kill him and take the power for themselves.

Cheka goes silent for a moment, staring into the lake that sits in the middle of the jungle.

"Nobody's upset at you Cheka," The whisper softly. "None of what happened was your fault. It was just bad timing-"

"But how can I look at them the same? I ran away- even Jack would call me a coward if he saw me again. Everyone knows it-"

"Okay listen kid-" Ace steps forward, planting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "First of all, you were four. Second, you managed to survive all the way out here until you found us!"

Deuce steps forward too, ears twitching. "Yeah! And even though we'll be sad to see you go, you can still help everyone!"

"You two can come with us!" Mc suggests. They stare at them in shock.

"We're hares-" Deuce starts.

"And he's too stupid to be around others without being considered a threat-" Ace points his thumb at the navy haired boy, who jumps.

"No! Thats not it at all!"

"So? There are tons of other animals back in the pride lands. Were you not listening? We literally have a hyena in one of the highest positions! And a wolf from the North!"

"Okay, okay- we get it," Ace sighs, standing and stretching. "Let's go there, put the kid on the throne, save everyone's asses, and live happily ever after!"

"I feel like you're being sarcastic-" Mc deadpans.

"Eh, not as much as you think I am."

"Lets go!" Cheka, with a newfound burst of energy, cheers. Everyone then goes on the journey back to the pridelands, only getting lost a little bit along the way. Cheka tells Mc of all the times he'd shared with Ace and Deuce, between them finding him half dead outside of the jungle, to how he'd eaten bugs the whole time he'd been living there, to joking with Ace and Deuce about dumb stuff they'd done while raising him.

Mc smiles, watching the trio get along. Finally, they spot pride rock in the distance. Cheka slows a bit but, with a little bit of persuading from the three around him, he runs up towards the rock.

"Jack!" The boy yells, launching himself at the wolf man.

"Wow, you really weren't joking-" Ace whispers to Mc.

"Cheka?! How did you..." He looks to the side, grinning widely when he sees Mc and he rushes over to them. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I should have noticed the flood earlier and-"

Mc quiets him with a pat to the head, something he let them do only after years of being friends. "It's okay big guy. Besides, I found Cheka!"

"Ruggie! Leona!" They yell, leading the group up the side of the rock.

"Mc?!" Ruggie yelps, dropping the basket he was holding and running at them. He holds their face, forcibly moving their head from side to side, searching for injuries, as they groan.

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" The swat him away. "You're like a mom..."

"I would be less worried if you weren't just taken away by a flood!" He groans, looking over to the side to see the two hares and Cheka.

"Hi Ruggie!" Cheka chirps.

"How in the-"

"Ruggie? What's taking so lo-" Leona steps out from the cave, followed by a group of other lions that lived nearby. His jaw drops as he strides over to the teenage boy, pulling at his ears as the boy laughs, wrapping his arms around the man's torso.

"Uncle Leona! I'm home! I'm home!" He cheers. Leona chuckles, bringing a calloused hand to pat the boy's head.

"Welcome home, kid-"

"What is this?" One of the lionesses steps forward. "I thought you said he was dead-"

"I'm not dead! I'm home now!" The boy laughs.

"Your Highness, what is the meaning of this?" Another man steps forward. Anxiety pools in the human's gut as Ruggie pulls them behind him, with Jack moving to stand closer to Leona.

"I never said he died!" Leona defends himself. "He went missing the day of the stampede. We all saw it. We told you he was missing, not dead."

"You're telling me we could have had an actual king this entire time!" One of the other women snarls.

"An actual-"

"We could have had someone with Farena's disposition, then everything would have been normal! We needed someone like him-" She motions towards Cheka. "The most. Not someone who makes a hyena do his bidding." She spits out the word hyena, and Ruggie shrinks down a bit, ears flattening against his head.

"Just listen to what-" Leona starts.

"We did not have to suffer- the food shortages, the humiliation! None of it had to happen if we had just gone out and found our true king!"

"Hey!" Cheka yells, only to be drowned out by the angry lions.

"I can't believe this!" The lioness charges at Leona, roaring. Mc sprints past Ruggie, who yelps and tries to grab onto their tunic. They push Leona out of the way, the man tripping off to the side. The lioness rams into Mc, sending them sliding until they slip off the edge of pride rock.

They fall downwards, screaming as Ruggie, Leona, and Jack scramble to the edge and try to grab a hold of them.

The last thing they see is Ruggie, Jack, and Leona's panicked expressions as they plummet to the ground, all three beastmen reaching their claws out at the falling human.

I feel like I've seen this before- They think, closing their eyes and preparing to slam against the ground.

They finally land, sand exploding in every direction around them.

I DID NOT EXPECT TO WRITE THIS MUCH FOR THIS ONE I'M SORRY

I also genuinely don't know how ti spell Savanna/ Savanah bc I knew a girl named Savanah and google tells me that its Savanna so idek whats happening at this point

I'm just now realizing that i forgot to add the monkey in the lion king i hate it here

#twisted wonderland #savanaclaw #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #cheka kingscholar #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst scenarios #twst fanfic

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jae-canikeepyou · 4 years

Text

| temporary | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: angst?? idek what else to describe what i wrote (nonstop) but yeah idk you judge :D

a/n: i don’t want this to flop just because it’s sad hours.. jk! there’s 7.1k words down there but hey, angst could be good, but i don’t think this is well written because the structure writing’s meh. so aNywHo i hope what’s below could touch your heart? pls lmk! enjoy reading! ~j

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you hate this.

you hate the smell of some random sharp chemical scent stinging your nose, the bland flavours of each meal, the repeated uniform gowns put onto you like you were attending school again. well you were supposed to be until medical records showed you were sick. not dying but based on several incompatible matches and rejected cases to cure your condition, you knew the trail you stood on was heading there.

it was dreadful, knowing that the weeks turned to months— waiting sucked big time especially when you continuously had to cross out days without a specific date to look forward to.

“don’t worry y/n. this is all temporary.” was the only sentence your brother told you.

you hoped all this would be a hurdle to jump over, like another race to finish. running along the track line had its perks. you get to challenge yourself at the endurance you have while the time ticked and caused a rush of exciting adrenaline. the audience were cheering too. the downfall?

you were tired.

to the point you wanted to stop this illness so you wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. the track drawn out for you was neverending.

here’s the good part though,

jaehyun was with you all since the day you arrived, and cheering for you too— like your own personal health companion. the encounter with him was amusing now that you recalled it.

( three months ago )

you sat comfortably on the bed, still adjusting to the new yet familiar setting. “change into this gown, and i’ll assist you to the doctor once you’re done.” nurse kim, better known as jisoo, patted your shoulder before she tended to others in need.

“thank you.” you mouthed, throat still sore from crying because you didn’t want to be back in the hospital. though you really felt fatigue consuming you and energy was vacuumed out of your system, you forced yourself to change anyway.

not until your peripheral spotted a young man opposite from you stared at your body that was half way to exposing. he knew you were about to react, so he rushed to cover your mouth and managed to muffle out a scream trying to escape your lungs. “shhh! please don’t!” he pleaded and gosh how melodic his voice was for a baritone.

thank heavens this man was ethereal, or else you would’ve smacked him with your fists like any other stranger intrusion. he finally let go of you knowing you’ve calmed down. “hi? i’m sorry if i came off as perverted but i mean no harm! i’m friendly!”

“well hello friendly.” your sarcasm on point. “what are you doing in my side of the i.c.u.? there’s a curtain surrounding my corner and how did you get in here without my knowledge? i should be able to notice you either way.” you hugged your torso.

he crossed his arms at the tone of your voice. ”it’s jaehyun. my name’s jaehyun.” he corrected and sat at the end corner of the bed. “that’s kinda hard for me explain.”

“what’s hard to explain-”

“it’s like how it is to a math solution.” he said, his body adjacent to the window. “go on and change. i won’t look.”

you rolled your eyes and kicked him off of the bed. “ugh you’re a pain. i’ll be more assured if you’re out of here.” you took off your clothes and into the new fabric and observed his back figure. he had toned muscles denting slightly under his denim pajamas and white home slippers. he didn’t leave, just kept his word by not peeping at you.

the bed creaked softly alerting him of your finished action. “ah, you’re done!” he exclaimed and turned around in interest.

“what business do you have here if i may ask?” you went to the extent of covering yourself with another pillow.

jaehyun hummed as he rubbed his chin, dimples hollowing and prominent stubbs pricked his fingers. “i’m looking for something i left. it’s a keychain.”

“couldn’t you just go to the lost and found section?” you asked, shooing him away while you scrolled down your phone. again he didn’t leave. “how long are you staying?”

a sly grin crept his face. he leaned closer to you as if he were to kiss you. “as long as you want me to-”

“gross!” you slapped him but he read your actions, stopping your from pursuing. “just find the damn item and leave!”

“fine sheesh.” he shrugged and began searching it under the bed, crawling around to see if it was there.

boredom soon came and you tried to clear your mind from what just happened. you went to the camera icon to take a picture of him to show to your best friend. the viewfinder captured his fluffy hair, side profile with his dimples stapled to his cheeks. his lips were pursed and brows were scrunched. as you sent it, you laid back inclined to the bed, waiting for him to say ‘eureka!’ or ‘found it!’.

but he said neither.

your phone dinged soon enough that your eyes widened.

[09:03] yuna: did you see a cockroach crawling again? if yes then you’re a bad photographer 😆

you let out a long “ha?” and jaehyun looked up to see your face as sour as it could get. “what’s wrong?” he asked and sat next to you as if you both were close already. his face turned blank when his eyes looked at the phone, and he knew you saw his change of expression.

“this is what i mean it’s hard to explain.”

there was a long silence and then it hit you. it wasn’t sheer panic bubbling your lungs or fear overpowering your mind. more of a fascinated shock of a revelation. “y-you you’re—”

jaehyun smiled embarrassingly, scratching the nape of his neck. “yeah.. i’m a—”

“a ghost.” “an angel.”

“what? no! i’m not a ghost!” he shifted on the bed, furthering away from you at the comment. “ghosts haunts people. angels protects people.” his hand gestures explaining his current identity was hilarious.

the phone was on low power mode so when it dimmed, you tapped on the screen, the picture you took show no one but the floor and the bed’s corner. and you haven’t laughed in a while, this jaehyun was entertaining when he defended. “pretty sure that’s not how i encountered you earlier. you scared me.” you raised a teasing brow.

“it really wasn’t my intention.”

the sigh he let out made you laugh more, his surrendering whine would stay in your head forever. “were your wings removed, jaehyun?” you asked. “can other people see you? or am i the only one who can see you? oh wait. this is a million dollar question.” you brought your hands together and he definitely wasn’t amused. “are you even alive?”

he flicked your forehead and you swore there was a red mark on it. “yes. yes—well only children— yes. and.. no.“ he said softly, the latter expressed in sorrow and his shoulders slouched low. “i woke up at the rooftop of the hospital one day because of this soft blanket hugging my back, they were my wings. i knew i wasn’t alive anymore. so when i came to accept it days after, i wanted to try out flying around the city and jumped off the hospital grounds and i fell instead of flying.”

“pfft! what you get from trying out something you ain’t familiar with, fallen angel.” you covered your mouth in realisation but jaehyun wasn’t agreeing with your assumption. “literally you are?”

“i’m not that type of angel. maybe i have some unfinished business, i don’t know. but i’d like to think i’m an angel!”

you hummed, convinced enough at this event. “ah maybe because you left your keychain? that’s counted as unfinished.”

another strong flick numbed your forehead. “no? we can’t bring stuff to heaven.” he gurgled at your innocence. “you’re going to help me find the solution to gain my earthly memories and my unfinished business so i can go to the other side.” jaehyun held your hands, the grip strong yet soft all at the same time.

“why me?” you exchanged looks from him and the view outside. “i’m no expert in this field.”

jaehyun’s eyes twinkled; not in awe but in desperation. “you are the only person who can help me. i can’t rely on children because.. they’re children and they’re so young.”

well that’s common sense, y/n.

“i’ll help.” not knowing why you agreed, but your heart just ache for this beautiful man. he couldn’t remember how he passed, he seemed desperate too, and needed someone to talk to. maybe you could fill in that role before the time came for him.

“thank you!” he had his fists clenched, twirling around as he yelled out the window. “i haven’t gotten your name yet.” his hands fell faintly onto yours, almost a tingly feeling.

“y/n.” you took his hand for a shake, holding onto it dearly. “i’m y/n, nice to meet yo-”

suddenly, his lips kissed the area where he flicked you. “well my dear y/n..” he smiled. “..consider this contract signed. there are conditions, but we can discuss that later.”

life in the hospital starting today wouldn’t be too boring. he stood beside the bed with the most starstriking smile you’ve ever seen, celebrating his awaited desire. you befriended jaehyun and he wasn’t a patient or part of the medical staff. he looked at you with bliss; the sun illuminated from behind him and that really confirmed it..

no, he wasn’t a ghost. he was indeed a spirit.

or angel. he’ll probably prefer that way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your brother became more protective than he usually was. straight to the hospital for you was added to his tight schedule and even then he was able to find time to care for you despite that. if you were to talk about the best big brother in the world, he was definitely the first place even in another life.

“guess who’s here.” taeyong cooed and pulled the curtains as he entered your area in the i.c.u. he found it strange when you didn’t greet him with your handshake nor a smile.

he sighed quite heavily at the bowl prepared for you, it turned cold and he placed his bags on the chair beside you. “hey kiddo, you have to eat something, yea?” he brushed your strands away to see your welling eyes looking at the distance outside. the window was the only thing separating you and the world.

most of all, your social life.

taeyong looked back to the day at campus two years ago; he remembered how he rushed to the university clinic after his lecture, stumbling as his legs gave in seeing you with the same pained expression. he should be used to the sight, but each time you end up in a place he never wanted you to be in, it was like seeing it for the first time.

he also remembered how his eyes trailed to your arms that rubbed your mid back. the nurses calming you with words of encouragement that you’d be fine. you didn’t like how you caused him so much worry, maybe one more push he’d be exploding into flames because you weren’t getting any better.. or probably he’d lose some hair because of the stress.

“i.. don’t want to eat.” you weakly pushed the tray on the mini table above your thighs. “i’m sick of this place and i’m sick of being sick. i just wanna go home.”

he knew that certain voice you have which made his heart sunk, but he knew you too well that you missed his cooking. “i know, but it’s short-lived, your condition is curable and you staying here is temporary.”

uh-huh.. that word again.

“and i made you these.” the cushion of the bed lowered due to his weight, making you shift to him. “fried corndogs. added a little twist to it with johnny’s help with the sauce. eat it before nurse jisoo arrives.”

at the corners of your eyes, jaehyun’s lips puckered at the sight of food. this caused you to save a box for him. you gave him a wink and set that aside. you could feel his figure arching to sit next to you as he began eating his share.

“you’re more afraid of her than i am.” you teased taeyong, finally smiling. “get her number already or else i’ll tell her how you’ve been crushing on her since forever.”

“forever’s an exaggeration, sis.” taeyong picked the stick and handed it to you. “it’s only been three months.”

“and three months means your cowardice is really preventing you from doing that.” the crunch from the dish made him tickle you in all vulnerable places and you rolled your eyes remembering the warning of your body’s strength exertion.

jaehyun nodded in agreement, licking the mustard that stained his fingers. “yeah, that’s a coward right there. can i give him lessons?” he stated, and you nearly choked in giggles.

taeyong then checked his watch, pecking you a kiss which got you forming questions at the back of your head. “oh the time.”

you gently placed the devoured stick into the box and dove in other sticks for seconds— or thirds. “you’re leaving? you just got here.”

he gave a wink and tugged the curtains. “not yet. i’m doing what you suggested me to do.” he gestured his palms, indicating that he would attempt to actually get her number. “she’s gonna be off duty in five. later honey.”

focused on the meal, you waved at him as you continued eating. jaehyun scooted closer to you. both enjoyed the meal and he hummed a song; something he would do when his palate craved food from the world. “i still find it unbelievable that taeyong couldn’t see me.” he giggled while the crisp sound of the batter synchronised with yours.

“you mean how you’re finally able to eat actual food each time he comes here.” your voice almost bursting into laughs of mockery, but held them in since jaehyun has been helping you as well. he nudged you gently and ever so sweetly, a toast cheer from your meals.

“yeah, but it’s because we have connection y/n, i’m able to eat solid food. so thank you.”

being locked in an all white room prevented you from going outside, that was fine since jaehyun was there with you, you wouldn’t be that bored. the pact you created with him was so simple that you could memorise it in a second. his requests were you both would be together everyday, cater to each other’s needs, eat and watch some series he missed out or discontinued.

and in the three months being with him, days were getting better. he actually knocked down the walls of your thoughts of hopelessness, encouraged you during your sad hours and hyped you up when you have some rehabilitation sessions. medical staffs were shocked that for someone whose condition was clearly on the verge, the will to live was written all over you.

jaehyun appreciated the ideas you’ve given him; memories or events that he might’ve forgotten, or any category he used to love like sports / music. he mentioned he knew how his family looked like, but not their names nor his home address. so he couldn’t visit them. though there was little progress and countless of bickers regarding the matter, you both were getting somewhere on each ends. and in the midst of it, you had each other as support.

“does your family or ancestors have some kind of gift?” he sunk down with you at the inclined bed rest. “while taeyong might not have it, you do?”

“maybe, but i’m not sure. we don’t talk about these things.. of the unknown, ghosts and spirits and-” your jaw dropped when he bit the remaining half of the corn dog from the stick you held. “jaehyun!”

“how many times do i have to tell you i’m a guardian angel?” he immediately rebutted your clumsy referral while chewing deliciously. “specifically yours, so don’t deny my role for you.”

your heart skipped beats. the claim he just did was heartwarming, and it was the first he said anything nice since your introductions months prior. “w-who said you’re my a-angel?” you batted your lashes.

jaehyun pointed at himself and disappeared to somewhere you do not know where he’d go considering he wasn’t familiar within the city. at night it was always like this, at 8pm sharp, he’d leave without saying goodbye, leaving you alone. then he would return the next day, greeting you with the same smile. maybe being an angel had its curfew too?

but as the sun rose the following morning and the colours merged into the prettiest pair the city ever witnessed, jaehyun anticipated the minute he sees your eyes slowly opening then adjusting to the light of the day. your calm beauty had him awestruck. he never felt this way before, more so, it was the first since he became a spirit.

come on come on come on, he stared at the hand of the clock, just one more second—

“hey.” he froze once he heard you and hesitated to turn around. “this is a new look on you.”

jaehyun shyly did so anyway, ears red that his planned surprise for you ended up failing. “do you like it?”

the long hums of your morning voice was more nerve-wrecking than waiting for the time to reach its end. “like? i love it! you look fresh!” you complemented him in all honesty.

until today, he wore the same denim pj’s and lets not question whether he does change. what struck you was that he wore a simple white tshirt with denim jeans, pairing them with a brown suede ankle boots. that wasn’t the key point of his fashion today.

rather, he topped his attire with costumed angel set; a halo and wings. when a proud smirk appeared, it got to you that he was really handsome. “sweet. oh i got you breakfast.” he tossed two sandwiches, carefully wrapped yet your nose could smell its delish filling.

“thanks.” you accepted them. “i didn’t know angels have their allowances.”

“we don’t. i used your cash.” jaehyun said, playing with the change coins. he flinched for cover, your hands in attempt to hit him.

you pinched his cheeks with the support of his hollowed dimples. “i told you to tell me if you’re going shopping with my money! is the costume included too?”

“i was supposed to but it seemed like you were having a nice dream!” he poked your forehead and there was no chance to fight back because for one, it was part of the contract. “and i’m sure it’s a nice one..” he trailed off, pointing at the small drools on your pillow.

his dimples started to show and you couldn’t resist its existence. “be thankful you’re really cute. anyway, did you ask children to do it for you again?”

jaehyun scratched the nape of his neck. “yes, and i treated them in return. who are you texting?” he hovered over you.

your lips straightened to a flat line. “i’m talking with jinho. he said he’s coming but you know men, they sometimes break promises. he’s probably not going to come again today.”

jaehyun didn’t know why his heart squeezed, if it was for how you were treated unfairly or if it was just him. he wasn’t in the position to feel this way towards you. yet because it was you— someone he spent three months with— he thought maybe it was normal to have such feelings. he visits you every single day, cared for you, be with you when your boyfriend not once ever did.

the thing was, did he have the right to keep these unexplainable bubbles of emotions in his gut? it wasn’t like you belonged with him anyway. just why did jaehyun hate it when your lips utter jinho’s name when he never acted like your beloved?

“why are you still with him when he doesn’t show affection for you?” jaehyun pat your head in comfort.

“maybe because i love him.” you typed on the screen to message him, yet stopped a while when he said those words. he was right, if jinho truly loved you, he’d be here already. so you stayed silent instead and divert the conversation. “oh this can help your memory! about love! did you perhaps have a girl-”

*zing!* sharp stings pierced and came to jaehyun’s temples like arrows.

he held the pain in as he didn’t want to worry you. “i’m gonna head out for a bit, y’know fresh air.” he swallowed his own saliva, hoping you didn’t hear it. he didn’t mean to be rude and disappear at you like that. his chest squeezed again at the thought of you with someone else.

he didn’t know what love felt like until now.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

it was unexpected.

jaehyun never imagined he would fall for you so soon, or ever thought of you nothing more than a friend who’d help him go to the other side. if he had to describe the relationship you both have, that’d merely be a boss-client kind of thing. yet he still knew that there was a connection despite him not being human anymore. there were frequent playful nudges and he waited half a year to be able to communicate with people. you were special.

special in a way that you treated him like he was alive again. you didn’t care about whether people would give you stares as your silhouette seemed like you were talking to yourself or someone they couldn’t see in the naked eye, or how nurse jisoo and taeyong would ask why you didn’t eat all of your meal only to save the other half for him. he was spoiled by you, where it was supposed to be the way around. sometimes he wondered if he was the right angel to look after you. in the end, it was him who initiated the contract and you complied without hesitations.

as if he were to watch a movie— except he wasn’t— pictures flashed before his vision, from a blurred quality to a clearer one. it was short, yet it was not enough to tell him what they were. maybe it was a memory, but he couldn’t put the scenes together.

he rubbed his eyes and felt the light gust of wind from children running through him with a ball in their hands.

then another fragment came to his sight, the sting of his temples ache like ones in the room. bright lights from the memory have blinded his eyes before it was replaced by the sun’s rays.

what the heck? he thought.

—

jaehyun kicked the stones that were separated from the cracked concrete ground. the way the stones rolled was identical to his churning stomach. he wondered how you were doing and later smiled to himself when he saw you waving at him from your window.

his palms were brought out to wave back except your lips didn’t utter his name. it was jinho, who happened to behind him; holding flowers.

of course.

he forgot about it for while; you have a boyfriend.

by this time he started to question if angels or spirits actually do have feelings; romantically. televisions never specified this fact. taeyong appeared in his field of view, who successfully asked jisoo out on a date. since when did hospitals served as a love spot? clearly his mood changed, but seeing you noticing him and waved at him, he decided to apologise for cutting you off earlier.

and he wished he shouldn’t have entered the i.c.u, from the door entrance the curtains were slid to the bedside. you were embraced in his arms, held onto dearly. he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. a bouquet of flowers wrapped around your fingers. not wanting to intrude or ruin the moment, he turned around to give you space. it was your personal life after all.

he thought that maybe if he were alive, would things turn out differently if he met you? he would probably treated you better if ever.

jaehyun leaned against the door frame of the i.c.u. the human him would tell him he was definitely heartbroken witnessing that. he was supposed to be happy for you; you were improving mentally, recovering physically even if it was slow. your boyfriend finally visited you.

speaking of the said person, he felt jinho’s figure leaving the room, brushing past and through him. so he looked back at you, who was staring at him with a weak smile.

were you okay?

then tears brimmed at the edge of your eyes.

yeah, you definitely weren’t okay.

“y/n?” jaehyun called out and approached your bed, being the curtains to a close and sitting beside you afterwards. “what’s wrong? why did jinho leave so soon?” he pointed.

your face went pale and though ordinary people would know it was due to the illness, jaehyun knew it was about something else. he held your hands, pulling you gently for a hug. it was still funny if you think about it; how you could hug an angel physically. “we called quits. it was mutual though, don’t be too shocked.” you fixed your chin onto his shoulder and felt him tense at the revelation.

“why? you wanted him to come over and he did. you should be happy.” jaehyun stared into your swollen eyes, cupping your jaw to wipe the fallen tears away. “he gave you flowers, hugged you.. what’s lacking?”

“that wasn’t a normal hug.. it was a parting one. jinho told me he couldn’t take it.” you began, leaning more into his touch. “he doesn’t like that he’s incapable of helping me get through all this. seeing me suffering was too much for his heart.”

jaehyun’s fists balled and you could see them shaking. his eyes turned darker the more you explained. “so he was thinking of himself more than he thought of you?” his tone raised and you flinch at the volume. “where’s the mutual in that, y/n? you agreed to his selfishness even if you’re hurting so much?”

“it is mutual jae.” you sniffed, sitting up properly to expound further. “for the past three months i’ve been wanting him to come here because i wanted to break up with him. i wanted to tell him that he should get used to..” your voice trembling and jaehyun held you close. “..that he should get used to not having me around anymore. i fell out of love. so if there’s anyone who’s selfish, it’s me.”

“what.. are you saying?..” he asked softly. “it sounds like you’re giving up.” referring to your existence around the people you love. “are you giving everything up? all we did to improve your condition?”

a sob escaped your lips and you covered your face because you couldn’t look at him in the eye as you answer. you didn’t like to appear weak to him than you already were. “jaehyun, when you disappeared, the doctors came and said there was no kidney donor. it’s finalised. they’ve contacted local and overseas hospitals and none were of my match. i’m getting sicker each day and i really appreciate the motivation you’ve given me and there’s nothing left in my soul to fight any longer.”

“no no no no. please me tell me you’re not serious, y/n.” he begged. “tell me that you’re going to rethink about it and have the will to live. tell me that what we both signed up for will not go in vain. we worked hard together. we helped each other, we went through thick and thin. tell me that your decision is not permanent.”

“and what? you’re going to tell me my condition’s temporary too? if yes then you’re just like taeyong and nurse kim jisoo.” you laid back down and stared at the window.

jaehyun was about to speak when you started to sniff again. “everything that’s happening to me is always temporary.. nothing ever stays.. no one ever stays.. taeyong’s visits are limited, my personal nurse is always busy.. and what hurts me the most is that our time together is temporary too. soon enough you’ll go to the other side.. you’re only the friend i have now.”

“hey..” he cooed and now laying down beside you, wrapping you in his arms as you sunk more onto his chest. “..don’t say that. i-i’m still here.” even if he said that, jaehyun knew that that was false; that day would actually come, he just didn’t know when.

you turned to face him and hugged him tightly, sleep starting to get to your system. “when i met you, you became more of a boyfriend than jinho ever did.”

he caressed your back and you could feel the vibrations from his soft laughs. “look, i’m sure jinho did his best to be your boyfriend. and if i was your boyfriend.. well you’re talking about a guy who hasn’t gotten a single clue of who he is nor have his memories returned. my unfinished business is still a blank page. it may look temporary now but i guarantee you, i know you’ll have that new transplant, it’ll be-”

“that will never come.. i’m dying, jaehyun.”

jaehyun hummed in disagreement. he was fuming but he tried his best not to show it, that will contradict with his role of being your guardian angel. “tsk, say anything further i’m really gonna flick your forehead.”

you chuckled since it reminded you about the first day. “i mean, if i don’t make it, that would mean i get to be with you. it’s not temporary anymore, right?”

he bursted in scoffs of disbelief and you could tell he was playing around at the same time. “what? do you wanna be with me so much?” he questioned, flicking your forehead. “i wouldn’t mind having a side kick though.”

“i’m kidding, but truth to be told, you’re the best angel anyone could ask for.” you fixed the crooked halo headband for him. “no wonder children loves angels.”

“you’re acknowledging i’m an angel now, huh?” he messed your hair. “if children loves angels, what about you?”

*zing!* jaehyun shut his eyes closed. an unclear image of him locking his phone; its wallpaper of him and his parents.

tsk why am i feeling this again—

“i’ll say yes if that’s what you want to hear.” you challenged. jaehyun squinted his eyes open, to you it was pretty obvious it was what he wanted to hear.

jaehyun pinched your cheeks to awake you from reality, once again setting the memory aside. “we can’t date. i don’t want to be a rebound.” he stuck out his tongue, making you mirror the same. “you’re human, i’m an angel.”

“technically a ghost but i’ll take it as a self-proclaimed angel.” you shrugged, a curve appearing at the corners of your lips. “anyway, should we continue watching-”

the curtains separated which made you and jaehyun jolt in shock. “y/n!”

taeyong’s voice echoed the room, glad that most patients were asleep and he threw himself onto the bed. jaehyun got up, letting your brother hug you. “they were wrong!” he cried in tears of joy.

“they messed up your records. your condition was identical with another patient’s!”

you saw jaehyun giving him a look you think would pass as a meme. “what is he saying?” he asked.

“what are you saying?” you blinked several times at his shaking hands and hoarse hiccups.

“you have a donor!” he exclaimed.

jaehyun’s smile grew and as he walked towards you, he held your hands to squeeze them in congratulatory. “well, what did i say y/n? told you it’ll come.”

the pain on his temples faded it always did, but it was something he experienced quite often in the past days. he couldn’t figure what it was.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

almost everyone in the room observed how anxious you were, the fiddles of your fingers and the constant biting of your lips that they could bleed any moment now. you were moved to a new room and jaehyun poked your cheek to gain your attention and to snap out of your daydream. a satisfied grin plastered on his face when your eyes locked into his.

you thought maybe the heavens probably heard his words. last week, he did say the transplant would come, and it did. soon later, you would be having an operation; a new kidney to function. you waited for this for so long that just thinking about it, you’d probably cry again.

seeing jaehyun stare into the panorama of the city before him had your chest tightening. it wasn’t good nor bad..maybe you were just nervous that the reality of all this was actually happening. he was glowing compared to most days; and it’s not due to the sun adding extra illumination to his figure. it was like the first day, his greeting was awkward but it became something you’d never forget.

the medical staff left after briefing you, injecting anaesthesia so you could meet your slumber. taeyong messaged he would try to arrive as soon as he could, and you were assured by the time the operation’s done. now the room was silent, all you could hear was jaehyun’s shoes clicking on the marbled floor. his hands grabbing yours to comfort you.

“scared?” he asked with faint dimples trying to boast. you nodded. “you shouldn’t be. you’ve waited for this for so long. everything’s gonna turn out fine for you. and i’m here, guarding you as usual.”

you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he responded by holding your waist, sinking in deeper into the embrace. “i’m not scared now. i don’t know how different it’d be if i hadn’t met you- well, you introduced yourself first before i did, so..”

your eyelids suddenly began to drop, the drug soon kicking in. “y/n, when you come out of that room, only half of the contract’s completed. there’s still mine to go.” he said, laying you gently on the bed.

“i know. it’s just everything seems to happen so fast.” you admitted sadness, because that always was in your head since the news broke to you.

“do you have any questions before you sleep?” jaehyun propped his elbow onto the side table, fascinated how you were still trying to keep yourself awake just to converse with him. “about me. because who knows if you would remember me once you’re conscious again.”

“why would i forget my angel?” you giggled, eyes closing. “hm.. i was going to ask you this but you ditched me haha.”

“oops. sorry about that.” embarrassed, jaehyun rubbed his chin just recalling that day.

“i wanna know if you knew how love felt like. do you remember?”

*zing!* red lights circled around in a container orbit, its center rotating as if it was signalling.

jaehyun was stunned and out of words for a while. the same feeling came flushing to him as you both talked about love before. of course he knew what love was. you made him remember. love was like sailing on a boat at the open ocean before stumbling upon something so beautiful that you couldn’t take your eyes off of. “yeah i do. why?”

although you felt that you’re close to drifting to dreamland, an urge in you wanted to tell him why. “because you asked me if i ‘love’ you.”

*zing!* the clock striked 8. it doubled and tripled in vision, moving in a static way.

jaehyun felt dizzy and nauseous. please just stop..

holding the stinging pain in and ignoring it, he leaned closer. “do you now?” he asked, a sly smile creeping his mouth. “if you’re to ask me, i do love *zing* you.” he heard you manage to let out a giggle. “i love to enlighten you when you’re down. i love talking with you and stealing your food. basically just everything about you.”

“hm, same. like platonic love.” your hands find your hold his.

“mhm. platonic.. lo-” he paused due to the continuous throbbing, and gave you a little squeeze despite the hurt he had been feeling recently. hesaw how you didn’t reply, your breaths heaving softly and calmly. his smile broke out as this always happened whenever you held onto him.

what he couldn’t say out loud was that what he felt for you the entire time wasn’t a platonic love.

he really loves you like you’re his.

—

heavy pain awoke you from unconsciousness. you tried to open your eyes without letting the light blinding them. the first person you saw was taeyong and jisoo, their bodies almost covering your pan of view. your eyes craved to see jaehyun, your chest drummed fast when you couldn’t.

taeyong looked worried, brushing the strands from your face. “are you okay? do you feel any pain?” his palms caressed your face.

you didn’t answer, yet the tears wanting to fall have met its end. jisoo quickly left to find the surgeon and taeyong followed to fill in paperwork. where was jaehyun? why wasn’t he here with you? he always appear before you as soon as your eyes flutter open. you were so used to seeing his face and that you were assured he’d be there.

more than two hours have passed and jaehyun still hasn’t shown himself. so far into the day, you’ve eaten porridge, changed a new set of clothes, had a few conversations with taeyong and jisoo, and watched the series alone. even then you waited for him to come. now you were left alone briefly again. you tried to sit up or incline the bed.

“if you needed help, call my name. did you forget me already?” jaehyun’s body assisted yours by acting as a support. “you shouldn’t move too much, y/n.”

jaehyun felt his torso like he was hugged by a koala. “i thought you’re gone. i didn’t see you when i woke up..” your voice soft and hoarse.

“i was here the whole time, behind jisoo and taeyong.” he said, puzzled by how late you noticed him.

“stay with me for a while.” you requested, and he followed. “i love how you’re always here.”

again, sharp stings hit his temples. fragments of past memories came flushing to him. they were still monotone, but this time they were clear enough to see what they were trying to portray. was it how he passed? there were people pumping his chest, people holding his hands dearly.

even without seeing his face, you could feel jaehyun was uncomfortable. he didn’t know why the pain was frequent. “is something bothering you, jaehyun?” you pulled away, and you were shocked to see him switching from solid to translucent; like he was flickering. “hey, why are you-” you reached out for him, but your hands failed to hold his. they passed through him like he was gas. you couldn’t feel him anymore.

“y/n..” jaehyun gave a painful look, something you’ve never seen before. “i think i’m fading.”

you arched your brows and lips parted at that certain sentence you thought you’d hear in the far future. “why? our contract is not done yet.” you replied, still attempting to at least touch him again. “we have yet to find your unfinished business.”

jaehyun knew what this meant. he knew what was happening. he felt stupid for not telling you sooner. “maybe it’s already revealed, i just haven’t acknowledged it.” he saw his limbs flickering then fading, taking turns of the two. he was worried, but he somehow felt safe.

it was hard to understand what he was trying to say. each word that came out of his lips were shooting your heart like daggers. you clenched your clothes by the buttons of your pajamas, tears forming then falling. “w-what do you mean? are you leave-” you quivered though you didn’t want to show it. “how long have you known?..” the reality of it now seeping into you.

“i’ve known and realised it for a week now.” he said, forcing his lips to smile, to appear unaffected. “whenever the word ‘love’-” he groaned at the pain again, bending down slowly. “..’love’ is mentioned, i feel this rush of mixed pain and happiness. i think it’s related to what i have left here on earth.”

“i knew you were acting strange, but i thought it was nothing because you’d looked fine.” you asked, trying to get off the bed to go to him. you wanted him to explain further because none of what he said was processing in your brain right now. “you seemed fine..”

“the reason why you could see me was because you’re the person who will make me remember what love is.” he held your face, and all you felt was a tingling feeling from his touch. “when i was alive.. i was a stubborn boy who only cared about himself. i never had a relationship, never appreciated the love my parents given me.”

“if you remember all this.. did your memory show you how you.. died?” you looked at him and he gave a smile, almost a parting one.

“yeah.. it was the first hint.. i was late for my basketball championship match. i was texting my parents to come to the game while crossing the street.” jaehyun chuckled, a bitter one and people could tell if they actually heard him. “i saw i was rushed to the ambulance, the sirens alerting everyone.. i was wheeled into the e.r.. i guess you know what happened next.”

then he broke down, arms bringing to his face. “..i couldn’t tell mom and dad i love them..” jaehyun weakly came forward, pulling you into his embrace. it was confusing that he could touch you, but you couldn’t. no matter how much you wanted to give him comfort like he use to do with you. he held onto you, as if he didn’t want to let you go.

“why didn’t you tell me what you’ve been feeling? why tell me now, jaehyun?” you tried to cup his face but to no avail they still went through it. you’re practically begging him to give you reasons why he had to hide it from you.

the shakiness his pupils did have shown he was scared. “i didn’t want you to feel sad about me. that’ll only destroy the joy from the news you received.”

your palms dropped to your thighs, breaths hitching and let out uncontrollable muted gasps. “i am sad now! i’m sad that you’re leaving me-”

his touch calmed you. “i never really got to say this because all we ever did was to support each other but.. i really, deeply, from the bottom of my heart.. thank you, y/n. you taught me how to love again, in the little things and..”

“jaehyun..” you sighed heavily and eventually cried with him, heart tugging your strings until they snapped.

“..and maybe that’s my unfinished business.” his smile was definitely forced.

and you did the same. “i’m glad i was able to help.. i’m glad you’re able to find what love is. but if you could love a person again, i’m sure they’re very lucky.”

hearing him let out hurtful laugh and sniffs became often as you told those words. “you are lucky you’re loved by an angel. i told you i love you, right?” his arms went through your body, then his entire body moved back like he was magnetised to something he waited for.

it was time.

you felt the same kiss on the forehead for the final time.

he saw how you wailed, craving for his embrace, like a child looking for a mother’s touch. what ached him was that you couldn’t see him anymore. the cries became louder, taeyong ran to you, thinking you were still hurt from the operation. he was an angel, he should be strong for you but all he felt was

hurt.

he shouldn’t have left your side at night. he should’ve stuck with you like glue. he wanted to spend longer time with you.

what hurt him the most was he should’ve known that three months was temporary.

your eyes caught sight of the man you stayed with you. because of him, you got to find out a lot about yourself when you were vulnerable, things that had to be dug deep in order to find that hidden gem. in the past minute you couldn’t see him. but now he was floating in the air, glowing more than usual. you smiled painfully because he still wore that stupid halo and wings, and the letters you’ve written that you hoped he wouldn’t see but he actually did.

taeyong and jisoo’s words of comfort did nothing on you, as you saw your angel jaehyun drifting further away from you. you reached out for him and he did so too and,

he smiled for the final time, tears visible and they rolled down his cheeks. “i love you, y/n. so so much.”

you cried harder and clenched onto taeyong, not caring whether it hurt him or not. your brother gave a confused look, shocked to see how much your frail body exert such sorrow.

“me too.” you wanted to tell him, yet it wasn’t close to a whisper.

you hate this.

you hate that the only person you’ve just grown to love departed from the tip of your wavering fingers.

you hate the word temporary.

#jung jaehyun #nct 127 #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun imagines #jung yoonoh #nct #nct scenarios #jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun au #nct jaehyun #jaehyun angst #nct imagines

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boomerang109 · 3 years

Note

*looks at my fic, which hasn’t been updated in 4 weeks (other than edits because i Didn’t Like It) and i’ve now driven myself into a horrible writers block immediately after outlining the entire thing possibly because i have outlined the entire thing and i forgot where i was going with this but am i sending it anyway yes i am please god tell me to write someone threw my motivation out the window and it’s all muddy now and i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block anyway ily cant wait for the next chapter of wwda get it out when you can don’t stress ily bye*

don’t tell me why my brain is like “yes we can answer this but we’ll combust if we look at any messages.” there’s no logic but i’ll get around to your messages and everyone else’s there. (to everyone waiting for like two sentence answers who’s seeing me post paragraphs, i’m sorry. the braincell does not function)

the way that i’m in YES! i can help! mode even tho i myself am lowkey in writer’s block which means i’m not qualified at all ajfhjghfgfdjghj

first of all: outlines are just to guide you. they stress me the fuck out too (which is why i’ve refused to put my wwda outline to paper, despite the fact that this means the timeline is absolutely fucked. like it’s in my brain, but if i put it on paper i’ll try to stick to it and i’ll freak out--see my month long break when i had an “outline” for chapter four). you can have goals for chapters (ie, lay groundwork for foreshadowing/character development/etc) but overall? just let yourself sit in front of the computer and vibe. don’t think about where you’re going, just think about where you are.

“i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block“ this? this is you judging yourself while you write and i don’t want to see ANY of that shit. writing is a process and editing is a thing, but when you’re doing your first draft you just gotta word vomit. sorry that’s a gross phrase but that’s what i do. and honestly? most of wwda is barely pieced together word vomit. idek why anyone likes it, but they do. and even if they didn’t--nothing would exist if you don’t put something to paper to start with.

apparently this advice doesn’t apply to everyone (i still can’t process @hella1975 ‘s writing technique like what the actual fuck) but for me one of the big things with writer’s block is starting where i want to start and just writing whatever fucking scenes i want. idk if that makes sense so i’ll put it into the context of wwda. so when i was still in my fucking intensive class i wasn’t writing cause i didn’t have time except for like a few minutes before bed at like 3am. now at 3am i’m not gonna write suki and azula being rivals cause i can barely handle that dynamic when i’m Focused. but at 3am i’m sad as fuck and i generally like to peruse the ao3 dadkoda tag, so instead i just wrote my own dadkoda scenes for much later (although they’re not actually that far off) in the fic. are they gonna need some editing cause i was just like ‘maximum angst even tho this scene is supposed to be about healing’? yes. yes i was. now the other day on the plane (when i really should’ve been working on an essay i didn’t end up finishing) i was like okay, i need to work on something actually relevant to chapter 12. but i’ve worked myself into a corner with my azula & iroh scene so i didn’t want to deal with that bullshit on two hours of sleep and also being called “miss” and other female terms in the airport got me all in the gender feels so i was like oh! i’ll write some more enby aang! and i wrote this like gorgeous passage or two on aang’s gender feels. and yeah, it probably makes no sense for aang cause i wrote it from a pov that was too much me and not enough aang, but the point still remains. i skipped to a part of the chapter that was important to me. and then i realized that aang could be having these thoughts in the context of another scene which led to . . . and there i was with somewhat of a complete thought for the chapter.

also along those lines, if you’re having writer’s block you gotta look at that block. what’s wrong? is there something wrong with the story up to this point? is there something you don’t like about where you’re going? is there something you really want to write that you’re not letting yourself write?

cause the thing is, we’re not professional authors. we’re fic writers. we do this for fun cause we love the characters. so if you’re not loving the characters for some reason, you shouldn’t force yourself. take the pressure off yourself. this fandom is so supportive, they’re not going to rush you (literally look at the fact that even as you say you’re excited for wwda you also tell me not to stress) and remember to apply that to yourself. it’s okay to need a break, whether that’s cause the vibes are off or cause you’re tired or any other reason.

i tried to write a bunch of different thoughts cause i know different things work for different people, i hope at least one of these ideas help. i literally haven’t looked at wwda even though i really want to be writing (and i still haven’t been reading fic). sometimes our brains just don’t cooperate. and yeah, i could sit here and yell at myself and go “what the fuck boom you’ve been looking forward to writing for literal weeks and now you have time and you’re doing other stuff what is wrong with you” and sometimes it’s really tempting to give into that. but the truth is i don’t usually do as much work as i did the past few weeks on as little sleep as i got so i’m really fucking tired. and so i’m giving myself a break. and i’m just not emotionally prepared to read fic cause--oh oops i hadn’t admitted to myself until right this second that i was avoiding fic cause i’m suppressing my feelings that kinda hurt wtf this wasn’t supposed to become therapy hour wtf. but as dumb as all that feels to put, i’m not gonna delete it cause i’m sure you’re gonna read it and say something along the lines of “it’s okay to rest and wait to read/write if that’s what you need!” cause you’re a nice person. so say those things to yourself IF that’s what you need. but if you’ve been sitting in bed for weeks and don’t have any reason not to write, maybe it’s time to word vomit. or if you have a problem with your story maybe you should look at that. just, do whatever works for you but be gentle with yourself. give yourself the same kindness you give others. whenever i’m not sure how to handle something (or how to treat myself ig), i’ll ask myself how i would give advice to a friend. so maybe try that. look at yourself, your writing process, your fic like it’s a friend’s and be like hmm. what would i recommend my friend do? and if weird rambley advice that probably displays my many years of therapy is helpful to you, then know my inbox (and my messages that i swear i’ll answer some day) are always open. i’m not gonna read this over cause i know if i do i’ll be too embarrassed to post so i’m just hoping it’s helpful. much love <3

#ask a boomerang #snakefarm tag #long post

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hamonsurveysoverdrive · 3 years

Text

Terrain

[Expect a lot of these today, I’m snowed in]’

Have you ever clicked on an ad on the side of your screen by accident? Yepp. When was the last time you were disappointed? Yesterday when my power never came back on and I had to eat stale nachos from 7-11 bc no one else was open. Do you like the smell of rain? Yes. What was the last thing you took a picture of? The lights outside of my mother's house, showing my bf she has power lol Do you know anyone that uses Sprint as their phone carrier? Probably? When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. What were you doing today at 2:15 in the afternoon? It's still just 10 am, but I'm sure I'll still just be stuck at my mom's house with nothing to do. What’s the nickname of your home state? Lone Star State. Have you ever thought about your wedding? Sure. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? THIS FUCKING COLD ASS SNOWY ASS WEATHER. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Read, writing is straining now. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? Someone else?? Idek. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yes. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? If I'm not paying, I'll go to pretty much any concert lol. But if I have to pay, I'm not going to either of these. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I'm already pretty fragile mentally right now, I don't feel like picking myself apart today. Is your house currently hot, cold or just right? MY house is freezing, bc it's 7 degrees Fahrenheit and there's no power. Hence why I'm at my mother's. Is there a Dead End road near where you live? I'm sure... Do you roll your eyes often? Yes. All the time. Literally everyone in my life talks about how much I roll my eyes. Growing up, did you see your cousins often? Unfortunately. Where was your first job? Shitty retail job. When’s your birthday? November 2. Is life a party to you? No. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. When was the last time you flew a kite? Oh god I have no clue. How long have you had Facebook? Since 2010. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I'm compassionate. Have you cuddled with someone today? No. Can you smell anything right now? Not really. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? I texted my best friend. I know she's not my relative, but she is my kids' aunt, so kinda? Do you use the toilet paper with the colourful designs on it? No. Do you wear your hair up or down most often? It's short, so it is never up. How does alcohol affect you? I'm a recovering alcoholic, so very badly. When was the last time you had a cold or flu? Beginning of January I had a cold. What was the first thing you ate today? Ritz crackers. Do you have anything more important you should be doing right now? Most likely lol. Do you still buy the paper or do you get your news elsewhere? You know, I kind of miss reading the actual newspaper. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I have. It really just depends on how it's been prepared. I've had it and hated it, and I've had it and loved it. Have you worn make-up today? No. I'm literally stuck inside. Do you ever get dizzy and nauseous when you’re extremely tired? Maybe a little nauseated. Have you ever tried lemon brownies? ...Do you mean lemon bars??? Can you hear anything right now? My niece is watching some stupid YouTube video. What was the last type of meat you ate? Sausage. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue. Have you taken any medication today? Just Tums. Have you ever been suspended from school? Yes. Have you ever inhaled helium? Yes. Have you bought something that was on sale today? I haven't bought anything. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? I like his old movies. What was the last fruit you ate? Cranberries. Off the top of your head how many aisles are in the supermarket you shop at? No idea, don't care. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? Yes. Have you watched a movie this week? Yes. How far away is the closest McDonald’s from your house? Like, a 10 min drive. If that. Have you ever been to a wedding? Yes, a handful. What is your favourite kind of pasta? I like all kinds. Have you set an alarm today? No, I turned off my daily alarms lol Do you keep up-to-date with current news and events? Yes. When was the last time you visited relatives? Do the ones I see on a daily basis count? Because I'm hanging out with my dad, niece, nephew, sister, and step-dad right meow. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? My college site. Did you ever play Habbo Hotel? Idk wtf that is. Do you speak any languages other than English? Not fluently. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No thanks. What colour is your shampoo? It's pink. Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No. Ever wake up early on Saturdays to go Garage Sale shopping? No. When was the last time you got a nose bleed? Like two months ago. How old is the mattress on your bed? It's brand new. Do you have any picture frames without a picture in them? Yes. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No, but there's a couple books. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? Out to eat with Justin for V Day. Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes. Are you proud of who you are? Sometimes. Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names: No. If you were a waiter/waitress, would you make good tips? I was a waitress ONCE and I made terrible money bc unfortunately my face is very telling when I think someone is an idiot, and I also have an attitude problem. What if there were two of you? Would the world be in trouble? It would just be annoyed. Forget about toppings. What type of CRUST do you like on pizzas? I like crust that has seasoning on it and is soft. I hate bland crust. Have you ever stolen a road sign or traffic barrier? I convinced my high school best friend to steal a construction cone once. Captain Crunch vs. Count Chocula: Who makes the better cereal? Captain Crunch. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Neither. Is chapstick a necessity for you? Rarely. What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? Lemonades or peanut butter sandwiches. If a cop was following you, would it make you paranoid? Yes. Do you watch movies with the subtitles on? Yes, I'm deaf in one ear.

#surveys #survey

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outerspaceisbetterthannothing · 5 years

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My Ultimate Reading List v2.0 Fics

A/N: As some of you have heard or seen, My Ultimate Reading List (in it’s original version) has crashed on desktop because of (as I realised trying to restore it) too big number of links, so I’m basically recreating the whole thing in a new format. This post goes for One Shots and Serieses. There’s one more post for Blurbs. I’m really sorry for the tag notifs for the people who has been tagged already in a previous version. Hope it’s not much of an inconvenience. I’m also not going to delete the first version of the list, as it’s been liked and reposted a lot of times, it’s still working on mobile, so some might still use it. But all the updates are going to happen only on this post, which I’m going to put in my bio instead of an old one.

So, this list was created because of my crazy urge to reread favourite fics and blurbs from time to time. It was made purely for me, but if it helps you to find a fic or a writer you’d love, I’d be only happy. I tried to make navigation easy. For blurbs links go to my reblogs, for oneshots and full lengths links go to the original posts. I try to check links from time to time, but if you see that some of them don’t work, please, hmu.

* stands for the implied smut

*** stands for the pure smut

This list is far from finished, that’s just the first things that came to mind and/or were reblogged. Still have a ton to add. So will update it every now and then.

NOTE, pls: There’s no Michael content here! And that’s not because I don’t like him or don’t appreciate him enough. I guess, it’s quite the opposite tbh. There’s no Michael content here because I appreciate him too much. I love this cute little kitten, he’s the most precious soul and, most of the time I think, there would be no 5sos without Michael Gordon Clifford. I just don’t have any fantasies or images of him in me, don’t see him in any way romantically. That’s why I don’t read (or write for that matter) about him as main character. I understand, that I miss a whole lotta great authors and fics because of that. Maybe it’ll change in the future. But for now, it is what it is.

Also HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE PEOPLE WHOSE WRITING IS ON THE LIST - THANK YOU FOR THIS! THESE FICS AND BLURBS BELOW HAVE REALLY GIVEN ME ALL TYPES OF FEELS, INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION AND CONTENT. I’M FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR THESE WONDERFUL GIFTS YOU GAVE TO ALL OF US.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, WONDERFUL PEOPLE! ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU!

Oneshots

Ashton

Heartbeat by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff and one of my all time faves]

Our Shining Star [Dad!Ashton] by @myloverboyash [Special thank you to @lashtoncurls for the tracking down the runaway author lol]

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

Ain’t nobody got a drummer like mine*** by @myloverboyash [Drumming and banging 👀 at the drum kit]

I Can Love You In The Shower*** by @myloverboyash [Cute giggly shower sex with a little bit of trauma]

Will We Always Be Pretending*** by @myloverboyash [Bff to lovers AND fake dating in one fic, what else could you wish for???]

Wherever You Are*** by @myloverboyash [childhood best friends to lovers]

Let Me Be The One To Save You pt 1 and pt 2 by @myloverboyash [prince!Ashton Au by which I am intrigued and I AM WAITING PATIENTLY, SKYLER, LOL]

Noticed Nights by @calpops [Artist!Ash and another masterpiece by Eve]

Calum

The Little Spoon by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff]

Valentine’s Day*** by @angelbabylu

Lucky Shot In Paradise*** by @cakesunflower [Bartender!Cal]

Heartbeat by @uncrownedqueeen [Dad!Cal]

All These Years by @felicitycal

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

No chemistry*** by @novacxlum [Heartbreakingly great college enemies to lovers]

Where were you in the morning?* by @snapbackcake [If this ultimately truthful but sad af one won’t make you cry, consider asking for help, because it’s too sad but also beautiful as hell]

Let me good to you*** by @snapbackcake [The description says it’s 6.8k words of absolute filth, and I have nothing else to add besides of what a great filth it is, so, 18+ kids]

Road Trip: Cake*** by @softforcal [Er, Cake threesome, idek what to say here]

Redamancy by @cakesunflower [Heart wrecking fluff]

Birthday Getaway by @etherealhood [Cuteness and romance overload]

Ghost of you by @myloverboyash [Super angst, prepare to cry your eyeballs out, and i’m still in my feels, Skyler, how could you???]

Picture this by @currentlyupcalsass [One of the best college au’s ever]

Best Friend’s Brother*** by @lukescaboose [Nerdy Cal and soft smut]

Another Ride*** by @babyloontrash [Another Cal smut which is like, really hot]

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth*** by @i-calumhood [Wonderful enemies to fuck buddies to lovers with an asshole college!Cal]

Ice*** by @morningfears [Super hot enemies to lovers with hockey player Cal aka an ultimate dream]

Ka Hopena by @wildflowergrae [Soulmate AU, surfing and Hawaii, what else can you ask for?]

We Got That Good Love*** by @myloverboyash [Sex in the shower and like wet Calum)]

Balloon*** by @currentlyupcalsass [one of the most precious things I have ever read in my entire live! realisation of love to Calum of mc and absolute happiness for you]

First Concert by @ukulelecal [dad!Cal and kids visiting 5sos concert]

Eleven*** by @babyloontrash [fwb with breakfast]

Luke

Boyfriend’s little brother*** by @lukehemmingssmut [There was also a second part promised, sooooo ^.^]

Fuck me like you hate me*** by @myloverboyash

Baby*** by @lukescaboose [Sweetest ever bff to lovers with soft boi Lu]

Hashimoto by @burncrashbromance [special for Disabled!Sos]

Full lengths and Serieses

Ashton

Hate sex Series*** by @irwinofficial Tell Me How Much You Hate Me, Our Kinky Secret, Good Enough, No Longer A Secret [one of the best Ash smuts ever 👀]

Side chick*** by @cal-puddies [Beautifully filthiest smut with cheating, all the wrong choices and Cashton love triangle] part 1, part 2

Calum

Sugar Coated Pain by @cakesunflower [Boxer!Cal] [That’s what I lost my 5sos-fanfiction-virginity to, so, hey, Summer, thanks for the experience lmao]

Cigarette series*** by @cal-puddies [Best friend!Calum and a lot of hot smut 👀] Cigarette, Corona, Rolling Papers, Black on Black, Stuck [which was later replaced by the next part, but I’ll put it as long as it exists on the original list of parts, but don’t get confused], Navy Button Down, A Hotter Touch, Pancakes, The Second Thing, Ours, Losing You, Little toes, Holy Water, Date Night, Me, You and Little Hood, Five Years Later

Wherever you are by @mysticalhood [Long distance with Cal and tons of tears with me]

Dates With Cal by @calpops [this is so cute i higkey don’t want it to end like ever] First date, Second date, Second date pt, Third date, Calum cooking part one and two, The next evening, Cuddling and meeting guys, Worrying about ‘his girl’, Being her only guy, Meeting Mali, Soft nights, Talking about her family, Not everybody liking her, Tropical getaway, Being smitten around guys, Leaving talk, Night before the tour, Being away from each other, Cal coming home, Saying ‘i love you’, Cal being jealous of Duke, Watching her in the morning, Taking a bath together, Talking to guys about taking a next step, Grocery shopping, Asking her to move in, Choosing a house, Packing her stuff, Packing his stuff, First night in the new house, Unpacking, Finding out habits

Business Blurbs by @calpops [series of blurbs of Calum and Ash being owners of a record shop, Luke keeping an antique store and Mike having a bakery]

Masquerade Made by @calpops [fake dating college AU blurb series] First party, Fighting in a philosophy class

Veiled Valor by @calpops [pirate!Calum, runaway princess, heart wrecking mutual pining and writing style deserving 19th century prose] Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Versace on the Floor by @singt0mecalum [Dad’s friend Calum, age difference and *supposedly* hottiest content] Intro chapter

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atinytokki · 5 years

Text

Here’s my first impressions.

Warning! a loooong post, squealing, incoherent thoughts smashed together, and crying ahead. A lot of crying.

OH NO. They really started it like this. I’m shivering in bed rn. It’s haunting and beautiful and too short. Is that marching?? That’s marching, are they going to war now omg hold on—

[I didn’t include the audio for Wonderland because I hit the limit and ALSO you should go stream it on the KQ channel instead ;) hehe]

The transition into this was spectacular. The marching just became the beat wooooah! HONGJOONG AHJFKSL YES that’s how you start a song. Seonghwa and Yunho, beautiful. Wooyoung!! sounds amazing!! Seonghwa’s low voice o I was not prepared. San helloooo I love the instrumentation at this part. Jongho, as expected with the high note. Oh OH KAJA!! oooooohhhhh man the chorus goes hard I can’t wait to see the choreo. The production on this is spectacular. FiX oN MiNgiiiiii go off oml 🔥 YEOSANG 👏🏻 GET 👏🏻 THOSE 👏🏻 LINES 👏🏻 this is a head banging song I’m head banging rn. The way they bring it back right before the chorus *chef’s kiss* This is overwhelming man. Jongho with the bridge yussss he and San sound amazing. Wait they were right it is like Hala Hala they added both parts of the chorus together!! It’s almost over isn’t it. Yeah it’s over. Ok I need to breathe,,,

It’s starting kinda like a sad song this isn’t a sad song is it?? SANIIIIEEE! Aw this is cute I like it. Hongjoooooooong! I love this rap it reminds me of something. Ooh prechorus?? It’s so pretty oh No here’s the chorus— oh EDM?!!? OKAY!! Wait do I bop or cry 🙊omg Yeosang!!!! oh my baby you sound amazing. Harmonies 😭 harmonies omg there are harmonies... Mingi! He didn’t say fix on :(( short but slick rap as always. I’m still trying to figure out what they’re saying in this chorus I don’t wanna blast it too loud everyone else is asleep I think... hhhhhh!! Mingi and Hongjoong SINGING IN THE BRIDGE holy cow im gonna lose it they sound beautiful YES THANK U THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Wowwwww high note 🙌There’s something really really nostalgic about this song,, I am undone. The harmonies omg I can’t take this it’s like they know how much I love harmonies, unfair.

OMG— throwback???????? This sounds so 80s YEEEESSSS ! San!! New beginning fairy?? He sounds heavenly I can’t. Mingi, he’s singing again I can’t stop smiling this is my new fave thing. This prechorus, idk what to say it’s amazing. WOOYOUNG JUNG WOOYOUNG NO NO NO NO HES SINGING THE CHORUS AFHSJLSLE Jongho ur vocals are sweet honey please have mercy it’s only like the 4th song and I’m crying already. Hongjoong my boy, this style of rap holy cow. Did someone tell him this is my fave style of rap, because— oh, he’s still going?? Ah this is going on repeat the rest of today 🥰 Yeosang I couldn’t be happier you sound gorgeous and Yunho woah their voices match well. WOOYOUNG AGAIN!! This part was made for him it has to be. JONGHO! SO PLEASE!! This bridge I’m just a mess of tears now they are really singing their hearts out. Is it too early to have a favourite?

Ugh all these songs are ending so abruptly I’m never ready for the next one. Oh I’ve heard his.. aHA AHAAAAA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT this is from the teasers. I had the teasers on repeat this bgm alone is. so. cool. Yes the Mingi rap aaaaaaaaahdhsjkdflsl but we can hear it this time lol. woah it’s not over yet. The beginning of Treasure! Hongjoong singing the beginning of Treasure again but different lyrics?? I need to look them up later oh what if it’s like they found their treasure,, no I can’t take it where are the tissues the ending is so sad whyyyyuyyy

Yay there is already a fun flavour in this song! Hongjoong your voice is so rich in the low register daaaaang I need more of this. Seonghwa is that you? I feel like I haven’t heard his voice since Wonderland I’m sorry seonghwa my bff I’m getting whiplash trying to hear everyone’s parts but you killed it. These lyrics!! This is a hype song fs. THE BEAT DROP AAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAH!! “Ayyy we are gonna win” YES YOU ARE BOYS! Oh shoot I said that out loud I hope no one heard. Okay yes this is my new hype song no one is allowed to be discouraged listening to this. Oop “aha” Hongjoong hakdlaplajql I squealed again. Aw the rap verses were short but still slayed. This song is so fast I can’t keep up but I love it I am feeling this. The low voices and then the beat drop I can’t FUNCTION THIS IS SPECTACULAR !!!!! You are gonna wiiiiiin. This reminds me of Pirate King the altered voice and then adding a harmony the second time, anyone feel me? Mingi singing in the bridge again yes I love this. Ooo EDM break aaaahhah go crazy go stupidddd! I want a choreo for this, I need a choreo for this. Woah the instrumental is very unusual here. And it ended like that with the piano, deconstructing the elements of the song. Oh I need a second listen for musical reasons but we gotta move on.

This album is moving way too quickly we’re halfway done ripppp. I love the instrumental here it’s super slick. I’m already enjoying this very much. Oh high notes San!! Vocal line has popped off, exceeds expectations 100% Aww hi Mingi. Ah thank God the chorus is sweet and full of riffs wowowow this is a sharp contrast from last song. YEOSANG!!! My heart jumps every time I hear him, you don’t know how hard I prayed for him to have more lines. Hongjoong! What are these voices in the background?. Adorable, this is adorable aaaaahaha!! Oh it’s “we are one, we stay one” that they spoiled in ANEWZ I seeeee. This chorus ugh this whole song I love I just have the biggest smile on my face while also sobbing yall don’t understand. The bridge ahh idek what to say I’m so happy with this. You boys make me so proud I hope you know that 😭 !! The voices are back! This is literally so cute hELP

Here comes THANK U I’m not ready ok deep breaths. Whaaaa? I’ve never been more caught off guard in my life that guitar... Yeehaw? Is this a yeehaw song what-? Hongjoong’s singing wait I have to go back I missed it. His voice I— digging my grave. Wait why does this sound lowkey country ohhh dear say sike ah no alright the CHORUS mmm I knew it would be a feel good song. That echoing thing after the chorus is cool. Mingiiii! Did he not say fix on again?? This rap is too cute noooooo oml why Mingi why my jaw is on the floor I can’t believe he’s capable of this.. Ok I like it I’ve decided I like this. I was surprised at first bc I’m not a country fan and it sounded like it was about to be a country song 😂 but this is a bop!! “Gomawo” 😭 no gomawo yourself. Thank you for being on my side 🥺 It’s a hands clapping song. Yes Jongho go off!!! Oh I just gasped the biggest gasp the ending riff was beautiful

Sunrise. Okay deep breaths. I’m gonna just listen and try to not think about the fact Hongjoong cried writing this song. Let’s go. .... oh. OH. Oh it’s soft. I’m soft 🥺 ahhh man they sound so good. This— the background music... it’s doing me in. Aww Mingi. Ahh no this sounds sad whyyy I’m afraid to see the lyrics dangit. (0:41) I just dropped my phone. K that scared me but the lyrics just shot me in the heart. !!!!! I gasped again and now I’m coughing hang on I gotta pause. Just keep it up... boys you outdid yourselves. This GUITAR HOLY CHEESE AND CRACKERS ITS AMAZING. *stomp stomp clap* Hongjoong hiiiii wow this rap right here, I only caught half the lyrics but I know exactly what he is saying ah man. We’ve added instruments in the back. Oh Jongho that was such a clear note the vowel was perfect there. This chorus I can’t. Yeah ok I’m crying again something about the guitar I . Cant type. Oh man. Oh OH OH the bridge the BRIDGE THE BRIDGE everything the vocals the background music. Okay here’s our real stomp stomp clap moment. Ah ok wiping the tears now. They sound great. Hongjoong aaaahh what a way to end the song.

That was an experience I hope I get to breathe during this but I already know I won’t. Um.. it’s piano... for like a solid 20 seconds and it’s slightly jazzy are we getting a ballad?? Our first real ballad!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Seonghwa yessss 🥰 Oh you guys I’ve wanted to hear a ballad from him for so long you don’t even know. Wait everyone sounds so perfect I can’t even describe this. Yunho baby yesss your voice. Wooyoung oml SAN ahhh San your transitions are stunning. Jongho our ballad king it’s like he’s barely even trying and it sounds amazing. Lovely lovely lovely. Mingiiiii he’s singing yet again. Hongjoong too!! Yes oh yes this is it. Their voices all being showcased so perfectly. I’m amazed how well they can all fit this style just as well as they can fit a song like Win. I have one criticism only so far and yall already know what it is. Yeosang still could’ve gotten more lines in this one :_( This is the last song before Beginning of the End oh no. Nooooo I don’t want it to be over. Oh? OH? Yeosang! Yeosangggggg!! Omg I have goosebumps he said NO IM TAKING OVER it’s MY SONG NOW! Wow amazing. The structure of this has been so so interesting I’m definitely going back to analyse. No it’s over...

I’m scared. I’m crying again noo it hasn’t even started jeez pull yourself together. Ok but before I start I really don’t want it to be over and not in a way that implies I want more songs just thinking about how... this is Ep Fin right? The end. Obviously not of ATEEZ (God forbid) it’s only been a year and they’re slaying it I mean absolutely knocking it out of the park each Ep bigger and bolder than the last, they aren’t afraid to try things and when they do they hit the nail on the head. But still this is the end of an era, a storyline too if I’m correct. And it’s just a surreal experience to see it come to a close. ATEEZ, I don’t know where you’re taking us next but I trust you guys and I know it’s going to be amazing.

Ok anyway let’s start the song 🤣 crackling noise? Fire? Ok it’s orchestral. VERY orchestral. “Open your eyes” I felt that San. They were open but I just opened them again. This orchestra is really really moving and cinematic I love it. I see what this is, we’re going Intro: Long Journey except Outro version which is fuller, richer, even more epic and emotional. Oh boy I’m really crying now. Idek what to say again I’m speechless. Oh it swells just like Intro!! Is it the end? Woah???????? What is this? .....SAN?? Wait wait wait it’s over? Like that? No hang on. Waaaait what was that? Seriously that was very strange. I’m not imagining things am I? No does this have something to do with upcoming albums? I’m so confused 😭 it sounded rly cool and spooky whatever it was. Well. Okay! Yeah I guess that’s it. That was the last straw. I should really try to go back to sleep I only have a few hours till I have to get up. But now I’m probably going to go write something, that music was really inspiring. Yeah I think I said what I wanted to honestly! Again I just want to reiterate how proud I am, and remind you to go stream!!!!

KAJAAAAA!

#i queued this because i wanted to sleep on it and then proofread lol #thanks for reading if you got this far #reblog and tell me your thoughts #i’m interested!#ateez #ateez wonderland #ateez all to action #all to action #ateez comeback #first impressions #music #analysis but not really #mostly screaming and crying #tokki needs sleep #tokki writes at night #tokki.txt

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softdreamyhours · 5 years

Text

what happened to us? | J.Jaehyun.

part 1 part 2

genre: pure angst omg

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

word count: 1.7k

authors note: so this is my very first like long piece of writing so idek what its like, but if anyone has any constructive criticism for me that would be great.

You were trying to figure out were things started going wrong between the two of you but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

You sat at the dining room table with your cold fingers wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate, you were trying to warm yourself up from the inside out, however the hot chocolate was now just as cold as your hands.

you looked up at the clock on the grey walls, 1:45 pm you read.

Already, you thought. You had made the hot chocolate at 10:30 in hopes that it would warm your freezing hands as well as take you thoughts to somewhere that wasn’t Jaehyun. You couldn’t stop thinking about him, and the more you thought about him the more frustrated you would get.

Jung Jaehyun is your boyfriend, your other half, the love of your life but recently it hasn’t felt that way at all. The most recent month of your two year long relationship has been extremely rocky. You rarely talk and when you do it just ends up in a huge argument, horrible things are said and things are thrown, it can get pretty frightening. You haven’t seen him at all in one and a half weeks. This sort of thing tends to happen when you are dating an idol but he always made an effort to make up for the lost time by face-timing or calling you once a day even if the two of you could only speak for five minutes. However this last month you were lucky to even receive a text.

As much as you tried not to, your mind couldn’t help but reminisce on all the amazing things you have been through and done together. You look over at the living room and smile softly remembering when you first bought this house, you didn’t have any furniture yet so the two of you sat on the floor in the middle of the living room and designed each room together. That night you fell asleep wrapped in each others arms on the floor, it was uncomfortable but you can not think of anything more romantic than that first night you spent in your brand new home. You remembered the many nights you and Jaehyun have spent cuddled together on the couch, watching a movie and eating your body weight in candy. You thought about the evenings where you two have sat across from each other at the dining room table you were currently seated at, holding hands and eating a meal one of you had prepared.

You glanced up at the clock once again, 2:50 it read now.

“Where the hell are you Jung Jaehyun,” you muttered to yourself sliding your now chilled drink across the table. You stood up and walked in the direction of the kitchen to wash the dishes, you needed to stay awake, you had to see him tonight.

Jaehyun left before you woke up in the mornings and got back home way after you had fallen asleep. When this first started happening you completely understood, he has a busy life and you accept that, but you haven’t said a word to him in almost two weeks.

At 3:15 am you heard the front door unlock, you halted,

Why am I so nervous? you thought, it’s just Jaehyun.

You were drying the dishes you had just washed and suddenly regretted all the time you tried taking your mind off the situation you were in, because you had no idea what you were going to say to the man who was walking down the hall in the direction of your shared bedroom. You heard his footsteps halt as he passed the kitchen, you turn still holding a soaked and slippery plate, and you heard your boyfriend sigh.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, not looking you in the eye.

“I-I was waiting for you...” you replied softly glancing at him, trying to get him to look at you.

“That’s nice,” he said with no expression,

You rolled your eyes, “is that all?” you asked annoyed.

“I’m tired,” he said ignoring your question and turning around, “I’m going to bed,” he muttered bitterly walking away.

“Wait,” you almost yelled, “can we talk?” you asked once he stopped walking,

“not now,” he replied as he carried on with his journey to the bedroom.

You let out a sigh of pure frustration, you weren’t going to let this go, not after you stayed up this late.

“Yes now, Jaehyun,” you muttered, dropping the plate you were holding into the sink creating a loud noise.

You heard him sigh and watched him turn around and walk towards the dining room, you followed him into the room and saw him sitting at the dining room table. He looked exhausted, his hair was a mess and he had dark bags under his eyes. You almost wanted to say that it was okay and that the two of you could talk another time so that he could rest, but you needed to figure out what was going on with him.

“How are you doing?” you asked, you thought it would be easier for yourself to ease into the conversation you were about to have because you were slightly scared to see where it was going to go.

He rolled his eyes in reply, “that’s what you want to talk about?” he asked in disbelief, “how I’m doing?” he chuckled shaking his head, getting up, once again making his way to the bedroom.

“Yes, Jaehyun!” You yelled, surprising him as well as yourself a little, when your boyfriend stopped walking you carried on, “because I haven’t heard a word from you in almost two weeks,” you said, more quiet this time, making your way towards his slouched silhouette that was now in the living room.

“I’ve been busy y/n,” he sighed still not looking at you.

“Busy,” you chuckled,

“yes,” he replied turning around to look at you for the first time in one and a half weeks, it hurt you that he met your eyes with a glare.

“Is that so hard to believe?” he spat, “you know what I do y/n,” he continued.

“I know, Jaehyun,” you said quietly, taking careful steps towards him, “but it feels like I’m dating a ghost.” You said, you had arrived in front of him and you so desperately wanted to reach out and wrap your arm around his neck but you knew that if you did that, the conversation you really wanted to have would not happen.

“y/n, can we please talk about this later?” He sighed, eyebrows raised looking at you as if he didn’t care about what you had to say.

“No Jaehyun, what the hell,” you replied in disbelief, taking a step back, “do you not care about what I have to say?”

You rolled you eyes, you felt as if you were overreacting but you were exceptionally frustrated, in this moment you felt as if Jaehyun really didn’t care about you at all. You knew that wasn’t true, you two loved each other dearly but everyone has their ups and downs.

Jaehyun closed his eyes and sighed, running a hand through his hair, “of course I care about what you have to say,” he said, “just not right now y/n, I’m exhausted.” He carried on as he turned away from you again.

“Jaehyun, please,” you began, “please...” you whispered, your lower lip trembling. You fight to hold the tears threatening to fall back, but its difficult and after a few moments of staring at Jaehyuns’ back in silence you feel your cheeks begin to dampen.

“What’s happening to us Jae?” you whimper, this got his attention and he turned around. You saw his eyes soften ever so slightly but the look in his eyes still wasn’t the one he used to look at you with.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said placing his hands on his hips.

“You don’t know what i mean?” you cry out in disbelief, throwing your arms up in the air, “Jaehyun, you can not be serious right now,” you say as you bring your right hand up to wipe he tears off of your cheeks.

“Calm down y/n,” Jaehyun says rolling his eyes for the what felt like the millionth time, “I’m sorry that I haven’t seen you in a while but the boys and I have a lot on our plates at the moment.”

“Please Jaehyun,” you chuckle bitterly, “promotions ended ages ago, and I have tried my very best too be an understanding girlfriend but its getting a bit much now.” You say dryly.

“Every time we talk it ends in an argument.” You say, expecting some sort of reaction from the person standing across from you.

Jaehyun exhales and gives you a cold look, “I’m not in the mood y/n.”

“Well you better get in the mood Jaehyun, because I haven’t seen you in a while and I kind of want to keep this relationship going.” You said, each word becoming louder and by the end of your sentence you were yelling.

“I have been here y/n,”Jaehyun yelled back at you.

“Where have you been, huh?” you shout, “tell me,” you carry on with tears running down your face,

“because it hasn’t been here, that’s for sure,” you motion to your shared house.

Jaehyun shrugs and drags both of his hands through his disheveled hair and rests them behind his neck,

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he sighs out.

“Oh my god,” you exhale quietly but soon shout out, “I want you to talk to me Jae, I want you to say what you want me to hear!”

Your throat was aching and your eyes were burning and the only thing you felt like doing was curling up in bed and going to sleep. You slumped down onto the couch and closed your eyes trying to quiet your mind and prepare yourself for the next few words your boyfriend is going to say, because what he said next will be a deciding factor for you.

“I can’t do this right now y/n,” Jaehyun shrugged, “I’m going to bed.” With that Jaehyun left the room and went to shower.

You stood up with shaky legs and blurry vision and made your way to the bedroom, somehow packed a bag and left the house with a very heavy heart.

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