#I really need to get so many things done

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bixels]

While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

#ask me #anon #once AGAIN. #I am not dropping anything #the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again #But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year #In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related #I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped #And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it #I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas. #Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop #Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas #But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now #But I didn't because I'm TIRED #I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired #what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen #drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter #it can really make you freak out #And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will #I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my #followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm #disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing #you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere #I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #madam lan #A-qing #Band AU #(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!) #Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing! #I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both. #As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured. #Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group. #Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like! #This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*) #I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back. #One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet. #It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company. #Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other. #Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters. #Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness. #She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).

[buddiesmutslut]

LISTEN. If we get a bisexual!Buck arc, I will ACTUALLY LITERALLY CRY, I’m already emotional just thinking about it, it will literally bring me so much joy

BUT

I don’t want it at the expense of an Eddie coming out arc…

Bc listen, I read a post talking abt how the writers probably won’t give both of them a really flushed out Queer Realization Arc bc it would be redundant, which like, okay sure, yes, I can see why you wouldn’t want to have two main, male characters going through the exact same thing, so sure, whatever, BUT -

I feel like, out of Buddie, Eddie is going to be the one that really struggles with coming to terms with his sexuality.

Eddie, who had to be The Man Of The House at 10 years old. Eddie, who grew up in the Deep South. Eddie, whose family is Catholic. Eddie, who already had a strained relationship with his judgmental parents. Eddie, who had a WIFE. Eddie, who says that what he had with Shannon was magic & compares every relationship he had to her. Eddie, who was in the military, which is infamous for DADT. Eddie, whose aunt constantly pushes him at random women because he needs to not be alone. Eddie, who canonically suffers from comp-het, saying that dating women feels like putting on a performance, not that he understands why. Eddie, who dated Ana & was planning on staying with her, even though he was unhappy, for his son.

I think Buck would be way chiller with realizing he’s queer - if he doesn’t already know, which is my fav head-cannon - & I feel like he wouldn’t struggle as much bc it’s Eddie, & Eddie is his best friend, and gender wouldn’t play as big a part for him as I think it would for Eddie.

I would love for them both to have an arc where they worked through their expectations when it comes to relationships & realize that they’re queer, but idk man, I feel like Eddie is going to be the one to really struggle & he deserves to really have that flushed out.

Idk, I’ve been thinking about this ever since I saw that post & nobody I know watches 9-1-1 😭

#buddie #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 #Queer Buddie Arcs #I want them both to have nice things is that really so unreasonable? #literally all of their other arcs take place at the same time #let them realize they’re queer & in love with each other at the same time too #honestly this only applies if Buddie goes canon which I’m not even convinced is going to happen #i have so many feelings #Buck would just be like “I’m in love with my best friend? fucking dope #bc my darling boy just wants to be loved & chosen & Eddie has already done those things #either way I wish they would stop putting them with random ass women who have been on the show for less than 10 minutes #I don’t need them to go canon in s7 but if we don’t even get a HINT of it this season I’ll probably quit watching #unless s7 is REALLY good bc they put some WEIRD shit in recently that I dfw #I have no idea how Tumblr is supposed to work am I doing this right? idk pls advise

[mayhemspreadingguy]

aaaaand it's finally done :D. Coffee shop date.

Why use a chair when there's the better option?

#dreamling #yes. Dream is wearing Hob's sweater :)))) #another lap sitting? like i said that's where Dream belongs and nobody can convince me otherwise. the concept lives rent-free in my head #they're both shameless and nothing can stop them from publicly displaying their affection for each other if they so desire #also Dream is a menace so that's that #silly rabbit au #i suppose (not sure where this came from anymore but I think I could blame magnusbae again x'D) #and yes this is the wip that i was sitting on for some time now and i had to stop myself from adding more details and say it's done #before i drive myself crazy xD. don't get me wrong i loved working on it - this is the treat myself drawing. but i really need to move on #because there's too many other things that i want to do and so little time! #and maaaybe just maybe I'm doing a lap sitting collection - or at least that's how it looks like considering recent posts and my other wips #dream of the endless #hob gadling #sandman #mayhem art

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

AHHHHHH okay so i may or may not have just spontaneously bought tickets to see miles in london in february and i am SO EXCITED 🤩🤩

#i probably shouldn’t have bc i’m seeing him once already #and my bank balance is crying #but you know what #it’s been a really tough couple months and this is my ‘well done for getting through this 💗’ present to myself #and i absolutely cannot wait #it’s also going to be my first time actually visiting london which i’m so excited for #AND i get to see my best friend who’s just moved there #so many things to be happy (and a little nervous!) about #anyway now i need to try and calm down so i can go out and meet my friend without seeming like i’m actually high #I’M GOING TO SEE MILES AHHHHHHH #miles kane #omb era #lulu posts

[antisocialxconstruct]

I've been thinking a lot about art and why it doesn't feel good anymore, and a lot of what I keep coming back to is a) simply not being happy with my style, but b) not feeling comfortable experimenting because I feel like I need things to be """post worthy""" 🙄 so like... it's kind of a vicious cycle lmao so I'm heeding the advice I used to give people trying to overcome perfectionism which was "don't worry about making things that are 'good enough' to post and just post everything."

So... some vague style experimenting 🤷‍♂️ and also a sketch of Ilya from forever ago that I really liked but kept thinking I would come back and do more with.

#ghost city #maksim girard #ilya kasharin #I forgot Maksim's tattoos AND his little neck ridges in the headshots but oh welllllll #artbyrom #me: my struggles with art are deeply rooted and totally unique to me and I could never hope to explain them to anyone else #-describes two of the most common struggles for artists on social media ever- #I'm still happy with my general approach to lineart and the flat colors with minimal accent shading #and I even really like the thing I've done a couple times now of selectively coloring the lineart #so the issue I'm having is with like... the fundamental base of the art 😬 #so many of the artists I really admire have very minimalist highly stylized ways of drawing people and I want so badly to pursue that #I never really wanted my art to have this more semi-realistic look to it :| but I'm like... #I don't feel confident in my ability to portray a specific face unless I detail it to hell and back #I need to find a way to get comfortable with forms that are more... representational #fuck.... y'know a lot of it might come down to how outspoken my ex was about how much he disliked simplistic and representational styles #lol. lmao.

[azaracyy]

today, cupimon prays for your happiness too.

#digimon #cupimon #oc:elise #made myself draw more personal oc art when not working on comms haha #tbh the motivation behind this was a moment of weakness. like. wanting people to tell you you have done well and everything will be ok #but i also want to heal others that way. it's complicated. the world only seems to get harsher and harsher #holy or angel type digis are good picks for such and cupimon are adorable #imma be realistic this is a pretty tough time to be alive. let's not even try to compare with past eras or the like #the truth is so many of us are struggling so friggin hard we don't even know it anymore bc it's become so routine to our life #but it's honestly? really twisted? if you think of it that way. we're so used to suffering in life. it's so sad. #can only hope things get better someway. somehow. may good news even a little arrives to each of yall this week #btw really sorry folks. after the ai fiasco this site has gotten itself into i'm gonna post even lower res version for my newer works jic #artists writers creatives. do stay safe. keep yourselves and your work safe as much as you can #do what you need to do regardless it matters to you or not ok! #png

[aleeyenn]

Fireafy shower thoughts that I realized for this story I'm trying to write #1

I remembered that Firey gave / built Leafy an whole ass ferris wheel for her twice

Now of course, the ferris wheel would lead to the downfall of the two, but ya know, for just for a friend... that seems like a big ass gift and work for just a pal Like Firey doesn't do anything similarly big to any for his other close friends

:thinking:

YES OH MY GOD I THINK ABOUT THIS SO MUCH… and the end part about how firey doesn’t do stuff like that for his other friends… have you ever thought about who his actual friends are? just think about it… everyone he associated with in bfdi were almost just acquaintances… he was super focused on challenges and usually worked more independently when he had the chance He didn’t really make time for friends and stuff.. he had minor friendships with certain people but he mainly stuck to his objective of winning dream island whereas leafy liked to work with people during challenges that didn’t require teamwork (like ice cube and sometimes bubble) or random people she would help during challenges) if you think about it hard enough… leafy was fireys only true friend (at least in bfdi)!!! she was the only one to establish a friendship with firey and it seemed like firey needed that push to see someone as a real friend instead of a fellow competitor (or enemy LOL). she was the only one he ever really stood up for he really really saw her as a friend he has never done any of that for anyone else before either (at least up until then) and he also changed his challenge strategy of independence with her at least a couple times… he stuck with her through the challenge in bfdi 20 (for as long as he could…) and occasionally stuck with her through bfdi 23. firey also really passionately defended her and demanded for her to be back when she died and announcer told him that he sold the recovery centers. and yeah of course the ferris wheel GAH but you already mentioned that! and of course firey saving leafy from her punishment of what they thought would be permanent death even tho they were punishing her for something she did mainly to firey … but to wrap up my point! firey has never expressed compassion the same way he has for leafy with anyone else. she was his only true friend in bfdi she was like the only one he ever really had to consider a friend for that whole season of competition … of course there’s much more to discuss for later seasons but i’ve been typing for like over 30 minutes now so i’m gonna quit HAHAHA SORRYYY there are so many words i am really enthusiatic about them

#ALSOOO i’m still working on that fireafy video essay thing #production on it has just kind of paused since school started again but i’m planning on working on it this weekend #i REALLY wanna get it done … i’m so excited about this project man AAHH i spent like 10 hours on the fireafy timeline of their major intera #ctions and ljke 2 hours proof watching everything and another 2 hours taking notes from the show and past rambles #and i spent now over 20 hours for a drawing that’s semi related to the video? i’m just gonna use the speed paint of it for filler when #talking about something that’ll take too much effort to get clips for Or something AND FOR THE YOUTUBE THUMBNAIL PROBABLY #ANWAYSSS i’m forever fireafys biggest fan #YIKES. THIS IS SO MANY WORDS. someone call the yap police #joyjibberjabber #ALSO there might be more stuff i’m missing? or forgetting? i need to rewatch bfdi i need the refresher

[starbuck]

well, today i read 100 pages of my book, made a (currently) complete calendar schedule for the entire year that encompasses work, school, and free time activities, and got myself completely set up to start the next semester on Monday, so i may not have gotten everything done that i wanted to, but i’m still proud of myself!

#also planned out my future restaurant trips in detail #because i want to go to new places but it also Scares Me #so if i plan exactly When i’m going and What to order - it becomes less scary #because i have a Plan then nothing is left up to chance #ideally in the future i’ll be more confident and won’t need this #but it’s helpful for now #and honestly pretty wise considering my food allergies #it’s really not a bad thing to plan ahead when possible #which is why i’ve also planned so many city trips and books and films #if i tell myself exactly what to do ahead of time - i can do it #but ONLY then #i need the structure and organization or it falls apart #and this is working and i’m so happy #i’d love to finish the book this week but i’m only about a sixth of the way done so there’s no way that’s happening #not with the Moby-Dick reading monopolizing my weekend #but getting it done in two weeks is the official goal #which i think is entirely manageable #so !!!!!!!! #wish me luck!!!!!

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic

#carols.txt #when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it #《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting #LMAOOOOOO #call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever #listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord #while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it #^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) -> #and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that -> #that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its #done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS #like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell #thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out #PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH #i need this author to give me their brain NOW #AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH #everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it #this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong) #live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.

[fourteenthz]

man...... man. 30 tags are not enough so under the read more I go

these screenshots are what ALWAYS got me about Thancred's character. like yeah all the scions trust you and all that but Thancred is just so loyal in a completely different way than others might be. specially after shadowbringers like he always try to do things together and it's always the "there's no other way" that he let's the wol do their thing - and still he's always the one to go to them after the deed is done and to sacrifice whatever it takes for the deed to,, you know, be done or whatever

and what I find sooo charming about all of it is that he's so discreet about it all. he very rarely goes out of his way to express his feelings to you or whatever but then you have moments where Ryne talks about the things he said about the WOL and he truly hates her leaving her side (because he's a terrible worrier) but MAN the trust the "As long as she accompanied you." shows just. man.

The whole "it's not about your blessing" is just such a perfect example as well, to his loyalty and faith. It was never for what the Scions had for him, just about their story together and the trust he has earned in that time.PLUS because his view of the world has slightly changed here, he's the "I've done bad things" kind of character but in a "I need to do better form now on" and not the "I'm done for" YOU KNOW? he's just so sincere in his need to just do better and half of the time that makes him have a difficult time coming to terms with that really is right but man. man. He wants to do it. The "tell me what I must do" to Minfilia is SUCH a perfect example. His sacrifice is not martyr-like, it's trial and error until he gets it right, for everybody, not just him. He's not doing it alone, he needs help!! He knows that!! And it SUCKS because he's so used to being better off alone!! But it's the entirety of shb of him saying "we're in this together" that ALMOST feels like he's convincing himself of that AT LEAST until he has to deal with it by himself, and then MAN if he DOES IT and he comes back like "now I can fix things. better even." HES SO

There are far too many traits of perfectionism in him, in the worst ways. He doesn’t know how to deal with his feeling at the beginning of shb, everything seems to get under his skin because it always keeps reminding him of the past he lived/the wrongs he has done/ the things he failed - BUT despite it all, he has time to care so deeply about the First's cause and Minfilia's and even the WOL's to the point were he is always make sure they know: they are together, that if their blessing fails they know the WOL won't, and if they do, it doesn't matter because AGAIN; they are together.

Playing ng+ and knowing how thancred ends in this expansion is so nice, you can clearly point out the signs of his change and signs that he didn't change at all. How he's always the one to take charge and lead when the WOL isn't around, he makes sure to teach that to Ryne ("Thancred once told me that if the efforts to summon you failed, it would fall to me to face the Lightwardens"), how he deals with change so promptly but fails to really express all of it ("I have no doubt that he understands. The question is how he feels.") He's flawed, he knows that but MAN if he doesn't try to fix that.

#this post makes NO sense like ALL of my tags so pls don't consider this anything formal besides me rambling #I wanted to make this unrbed BUT it's under read more and if ppl want to rb just the screenshots it's fine #I just............ UGHDFGLSFIATFG MAN. he's so HES SO #haven't even got to /his part/ in shb yet but everything he says makes me want to CRY I just ADORE him he's so tailored to me specifically #90% of this applies to my hcs abt my wol and when he turned out like that I was like “YEAH THAT'S WERE WE ARE GOING ALRIGHT” #also I'M NOT DONE WITH IT but putting this here in the tags bc endwalker spoilers bc: this is why his visit to the WOL room in EW just hits #so hard. HE KNOWS what is at stake HE ALWAYS HAD and he's so realistic about it but that was the one time he went “I need help” #he's discreet about loving the scions and his NEED to protect everybody he loves because that's how it has always been to him #(him seeing minfilia safe from work everynight when they were young etc etc) #and in ew he really goes “hey i trust you guys with my life and MAN I hope it's mutual so if it is please do this thing I can't do for me?” #IT MAKES ME SICK #i have so many screenshots this ng+ that's just text bubbles and it's mostly him and ryne talking about him and and just these points were #get “oh. there he is. my most special man.” #I'm so normal about characters that repent but not in a martyr way. YEAH LIFE IS A BURDEN YOU GOTTA LIVE IT TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT YEAH #everyday I think rn thancred is far away from the scions and ryne it makes me want to throw a fist. anyway. #kelly says #kelly plays xiv #thancred waters #(for me. I hope this doesn't appear in the tags since it's far down here LOL) #5.0 spoilers

[clewis]

Chapter 1 — Cleo

Title: The Ocean's Call Relationship: Cleo/Lewis Chapters: 1/? Summary: It’s never been easy for Cleo to find balance between being a mermaid and a normal girl; still, when she ran away into the ocean, she wasn’t planning on disappearing forever. But as the burden of everything that was going wrong in her life weighed on her, she finally decided to answer the ocean’s call, leaving everything behind: her problems, her family, her friends, the boy she was still painfully in love with… her whole life. But could there be something more behind her decision? And how will the people she left behind deal with the pain and guilt they will inevitably have to face? Friendships will be put to the test as Lewis, Emma, and Rikki's lives shatter before their eyes. They will do anything to find Cleo and bring her back, but will they be able to find a lost mermaid in the vastness of the ocean?

Here's the first chapter of my canon-divergence fic taking place during the events of 2x25 "Sea Change"! Hope you enjoy 💙

#h2o just add water #h2o fanfiction #clewis #h2o #my writing #so uuuhhh... as you can tell i'm not very good at writing synopsis or choosing titles 😂 #but i was getting really tired of typing and retyping the thing so i just published it as it was and be done with it 🤣 #first chapter is kinda short and an introduction to the story #still i'd love to know what you h2oes think 💜 #should be able to update pretty quickly cause the next chapter - lewis pov - is already done! just need to proofread it a bit! #also i feel like there were many more details to include in the tags and stuff but i'm too tired rn fsdgfsdfgsd

[rexscanonwife]

My last post of the night 😊 (technically it's already the next day but ssshh we don't need to talk about that) I had a truly wonderful anniversary today, thank you all for your kind words on my painting and just in general!

I'm happy to take a day to celebrate my beautiful husband, but rexposting is all year round babey!! So keep your eyes peeled for more 💙🫶💙

#jane journals #self insert talk #💙 oh captain my captain 💙 #waaahh MY PARTNER AND I JUST GOT DONE WATCHING THE BAD BATCH ARC IN SEASON 7 😭😭😭 #theres so so many amazing rex moments in it!! (and plenty of wrecker ones for her too 🤭🤭💖💖) #but god it REALLY is just about rex and about his relationship to his men #echo is especially close to him but also represents his love for ALL the 501st #echo was a second chance for him. he finally got the chance to get a life BACK instead of losing one #and when rex lets him go with tbb in the end....😭😭😭😭 #the way his eyes kinda dart to the floor as he walks away before turning around #deep down he hoped that echo WOULD stay #this man has lost so much already #but he wanted echo to be the happiest he could possibly be. to thrive somewhere he'd be accepted #ugh 😭😭 sorry husband hours make me INSANE #i was also discussing some other rly sad things about rex and brea just prior to order 66 that ill probably make art for sjfkgkgkg #so stay tuned for that as well!! #i rly need to write like a comprehensive timeline of events 😅😅 that way i can pick and choose which ones to draw #my mind is a chain link fence.... #ok goodnight i have work again tomorrow 🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶