#I really struggle to eat sometimes

[crimeboys]

something i noticed when watching pogtopia is that wilbur actually always had food on him and was always eating and keeping his hunger up even when he was hardly low enough to need it and it was such an interesting thing to see from someone so obviously suicidal and mentally all over the place and pointedly doing everything he could to make his and his loved ones lives as miserable as possible. but then i realized, that’s just it, it wasn’t about living it was about survival because wilbur was determined to survive for as long as it took to make his death fucking incredible, his end explosive and meaningful, and making sure a few potatoes were in his pocket and mouth at all times was more than a fair trade to get that ending.

#text post #mine #suicide #disordered eating #<- more in the tags than anything bt #i just think about this sometimes #bc i have often written wilbur struggling to remember eating and food and atuff but watching pogtopia i was like Oh. it’s kind of the #opposite he’s actually eating like all the time even when he really doesnmt need to #which is probably bc ccwilbur is like a cautious player due to being kind of. not great at pvp and falling a lot and also being a wanderer #but who knows really

[ccarrot]

okay this is a very personal hot take but i genuinely don't believe dazai is as self destructive as he may seem.

#this is going to be a rant/vent here in the tags but #there's something abt some dz character studies. they really make a point of like... thinness. lack of eating. it bothers me a lot #i actually don't think he's like. actively starving or whatever. maybe his appetite come in waves. sometimes when u don't feel hungry at al #you end up not eating until it's wayy too late then you might eat too much bc u feel that hungry. then instantly regret it. #and then skip the next couple of meals #idkkk i've struggled with disordered eating. i don't like how callously its treated. it often seems kind of.. glamourized #i hate that. #in general dz seems like a glamorized character within the fandom. partly bc he's very pretty and simultaneously broken and self destructiv #** in my personal view based on personal experience** #don't reference my tags btw

[goldkirk]

question: have any of you personally seen a dietician (not looking for experiences with nutritionists, only dieticians), and did you find it helpful or useful, and if you did see a dietician and you ALSO have seen a GI doctor, how did the experience compare for you in terms of helpfulness + how much you felt listened to and helped?

#i'm trying to figure out which doctor appointments I want to bother making and spending money about for potentially no return on investment #and right now i'm trying to figure out if I'd get way more practical help from a dietician or if I need to suck it up and find a #not-elderly not-male not-dismissive GI doctor first and THEN see a dietician #although I cannot afford a bunch of tests #so like??? #trying to figure out if a dietician would be more helpful overall with me not HAVING any GI diagnoses or eating disorders #and just really struggling with food in both sensory ways and unpredictable digestion ways that don't correlate with food allergies #god i sometimes wish i had food allergies so i could have some predictability #but yeah. i'm leaning towards dietician but figured i should crowdsource experiences #since I know a lot of you have health issues you've also been trying to manage for years and probably have good advice #if it helps i'm also in a major city now and have a decent-but-not-great health insurance plan so I'm good on those two fronts #to do #health #I know a dietician can't diagnose anything but I'd love help figuring out how to get maximum nutrition even when i can barely eat anything #or when my body decides to start getting sick from or (tw emetophobia) puking up fiber or fatty foods #which thankfully isn't often #now that I do cannabis daily in microdosing I have so much less pain and bloating and nausea #but when it hits it HITS #and the last time I tried going without cannabis for a couple days and then eating a fiber muffin I was sick six times in one morning #and didn't get my normal eating ability back until dinnertime #luckily that's not normal for me #but my issues bounce up and down so much #and I lose weight so fast whenever my appetite goes from 'barely ever there' to 'negatively nonexistent' #and I had like. two months last year where I think i reached my body's natural healthy set weight #and i needed so much food but it felt so good energy wise and temperature wise #and i'd like to STAY THERE FFS #and I feel like a dietician would be helpful for making meal options for good #*good and hard and nuclear alert level eating difficulty times #anyway. crowdsourcing. yay!

[queerforscience]

Summary: Unmasking Autism by Devon Price has a lot of good insights, but in my opinion could use more nuance about the harms experienced by early diagnosed autistics and autistics who can't mask.

I've been listening to the audiobook of Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. There's a lot of really good information in it and a lot that's really relatable as a late diagnosed, trans, fairly high masking autistic and I have a few criticisms of it:

It seems that Dr. Price falls into the common "grass is greener" pitfall. The book is focused on the harms of masking and the way that oppression forces many marginalized people to mask. It also discusses the way that this causes many marginalized people to not be recognized as autistic, which robs us of a valuable tool for understanding ourselves and our struggles. I felt that the way these very really harms were discussed sometimes minimized the also very real harms that come with being diagnosed as autistic as a child, especially for marginalized people. These discussions also didn't acknowledge the fact that some autistics cannot mask and experience specific harms because of that.

Similarly, I felt there were some missed chances to emphasize the internalized ableism component of the urge to distance ourselves from the label autism. This was framed in a discussion about how certain stereotypes about autism can make it more difficult to recognize and identify with autism within ourselves, but many of those stereotypes, like "the nonverbal toddler in bulky noise cancelling headphones at the grocery store, do represent some very real autistics who are also valuable human beings. This was addressed some later in the book than when this criticism first arose for me, but I think it's something that should have been more emphasized throughout. Similarly, there could have been more emphasis that people who do fit certain other labels also deserve to be treated better when when discussing the stigma that comes with some misdiagnoses autistic people commonly receive, such as personality disorders.

At least as far as I've gotten, there's a fair amount of discussion of eating disorders among autistic people, but this discussion has been strictly about restrictive eating disorders and primarily anorexia. It's fine to focus on that, but if you claim to be discussing eating disorders generally you also need to talk about bingeing. ARFID should also be included, especially if you're talking about autistics!

There's a lot of discussion about maladaptive drug use and substance use disorders among autistic people, but so far I feel there's been a lack of recognition that drug use can be adaptive as well.

So far, I think I would overall recommend the book. However, I do also worry about what people reading it without also having heard the perspectives of high support needs and/or low masking autistics may take away from it. Similarly, I also think people reading it should be sure to seek out the perspectives of people who do identify with BPD, NPD, schizophrenia, and other highly stigmatized disorders that autistic people are sometimes labelled with.

#unmasking autism #actually autistic #autistic masking #masking #eating disorders #ed cw #drugs cw #harm reduction #also kinda hard to figure out how best to talk about “misdiagnosis” as a psych critical person lol #almost the entire DSM is based on describing clusters of symptoms that *tend to* occur together #not some objective truth #AND sometimes people get labeled with something that really doesn't fit their cluster of symptoms #and then that label gets used to assume what their struggles really are and how they should be treated #also also I'm very the DSM is fake but also neurodevelopmental disorders sometimes feel #like more consistent clusters than mental illnesses #with the recognition that that distinction is ALSO a construct #now I am rambling about psychiatry criticism in the tags #anyways unmasking autism is interesting but also plz listen to HSN/low masking autistics

[laniidae-passerine]

I think some of you guys hate Izzy more than you ever liked Ed and no amount of “he’s my special babygirllll 💞 she’s just a sparkle princess you can’t hold her accountable for anything 🥰✨” posts are gonna be able to hide that

#like yeah nice try using the brown dude as a shield for your hate campaign or whatever but it isn’t working lol #I’m sure they kinda like Ed. but they sure don’t like Ed as much as they like hating on Izzy #who Ed loves btw. let’s just circle back there sometime they love each other. eat dirt maybe #I adore Ed and I love how nuanced and messy his breakdown was #how his actions aren’t motivated by being Evil but at the same time his actions are his own #and they’re undeniably fucked up to the nth degree and he has to own them #because it’s kinda relatable tbh!! I’ve never been that horrid but I’m a person and I’ve fucked up before #and even if I was struggling deeply at the time because of other’s behaviours towards me it was me who did those things #and I had to own them. and grow from it #and my queerness and brownness and trauma didn’t make me exempt from growing and being responsible #which also meant I’m not exempt from personhood and growing and bettering myself and loving myself and all the good that comes with humanity #Ed did fucked up horrible things to the crew and Izzy. and if you can’t acknowledge them for what they are and how awful they are #then you can’t really acknowledge Ed as a character and person beyond the limited ideal you made of him in your head. what he did was wrong #and that’s not alright. but it’s okay. because we know he’s gonna have to grow. that’s the bit people who really care are looking forward to #I’m tagging this #the izcourse #because I kinda feel like it’s overlapping with really shitty Ed takes and meta

[x22817]

Hekate has been workin heckin hard with me throwing hella PVCs and bein terribly tacky, so she definitely deserves getting to help clean out the peanut butter jar!

#beans beans the magickal fruit #i love her so much #i can't even with her sometimes #we both struggle with food problems so im really grateful i can share what i eat with her #even if it is just peanut butter #honestly she deserves the whole jar #but we are being responsible #she tried to stuff her face into the jar but it didnt get her very far #the faces she makes #she is the best #and no one can argue with me about that #her tongue #her eyeballs #peanut butter #dogblr

[piplupod]

showing SOOOO much restraint by not asking about "well what does somebody do for coping if they are in an inescapable abuse situation?" and also for not getting upset when the dbt teachers say that [REDACTED] inescapable situation is a bad example to use for the DBT skill actually because it's too dark and sends the wrong message. hi um. i am in an inescapable situation currently. i would like some coping skills for that. and also maybe do not fucking leave out the dark stuff just because "oh nobody here would be dealing with that" :))))

#PLEASEEEE #''these skills are ONLY for crises which are SHORT TERM and END.'' okay but what does somebody do if the horrors DONT end.... #they also said some kind of stupid and not tactful shit about substance abuse being used as an example for everything #and im just. hey. if u say that about substance abuse. then ppl who are struggling w it in here are going to feel shamed. so thats great /s #(/s = sarcasm - not enough room to type it out in that tag sdfjkl) #THEYRE JUST SO STUPID SOMETIMES SORRY. i hate the hospital staff SO FUCKING MUCH. #and i LIKE both of these teachers. esp one of them is really nice and cool. but god. they are not professional enough for this #i could do such a better job of teaching dbt i swear to fucking GODDDD #maybe slightly hypocritical of me idk but i need to request that they dont talk about eating as an example of destructive coping mechanism #(to replace for an example since substance abuse is ''too heavy''. theyre also mentioning gambling and shopping too much as examples) #because that shit fucks me up to hear about fdsjkl i already struggle too much w guilt around eating Anything Ever so i dont need more fuel #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[just-rogi]

.

#like I’m sorry #I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me #and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard #and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles #but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way #and has never worried about money as a kid #and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course #but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book #like she did everything she can to understand and relate #but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone #because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am #and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping #I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind #but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child #that are impacting by daily life and interactions #and like I feel so fucking alone #and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING #I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops #I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd #especially not therapists of color #I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months #and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me #like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having #flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking #and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me #because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before #like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very #upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis #and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it?? #I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[clueless1995]

crazy how eating food gives you energy. did you guys know about this ???

#vyvanse kills my appetite so i struggle eating lunch sometimes #but i had to divide and freeze some meat today anyway so i make a quick stirfry thing (barely that. beef and mi goreng noodles and cauliflow #er and soy sauce. but whatever) #and even though i was like. not really interested in eating i was very much interested in going to bed but now i am slightly less interested #in going to bed

[aastarions]

to people who are patient with me when i take longer than i intend to respond

#c shut up #the past month (or two) [ok probably way longer] have been very hard on me mentally :') #and i love talking to my friends but sometimes i really struggle to keep up and its probably the d.epression too but #i get emotional thinking about how i wish i could find more energy to talk/socialize more #i feel like ive never been good at maintaining relationships i have so many people ive been friendly with irl that we just like each others #posts in silence now but i never reach out and atp its too late #and it eats away at me cause i wish i was better #maybe delete later actually

[weenhands]

ok might start exiting that phase of Me severly doubting and gaslighting myself on being possibly autismal because yea when i go research mode it all adds up but even when im assessing myself carefully on DSMV criteria it gets to a point where it's like ash ...... please stop playing dumb this is rlly serious

#its like. all of the criteria. all of it. To a very confident degree #i fit it so perfectly #and sometimes im like OK BUT its normal (gaslighting myself) to have abnormal interests at times (gaslighting myelf😁) #and to just have it be your whole identity (gaslighting yourself! age 9 all you could think about was little big planet 24/7 with #no exaggeration whatsoever it impaired your school life and temporarily your relationship with your brother:) youd throw intense meltdowns #when mom and dad said go to bed after playing all day:) you refused to get up and pee when you really had to! #age 13 you would rewatch my little pony equestria girls every single day after coming back from school. age 14 you became a knowledge bank #for every single youtuber/micro influencer on instagram who you admired and spent intense amount of study and focus trying to copy to a tea #in order to mask. age 16 and you oftentimes explain your extensive knowledge to haircare as you yoursef probably able to deal with a wide #variety of hair textures and porosities and types because you spent an entire year learning about nothing else but haircair #and stayed up till 6am every night doing so. unable to stop. #age 18-19 you became so fixated on tarot the passage of time didnt exist. you almot forgot to eat for an entire 10 hours when you got your #first deck. if you were to pick up a deck at that time you wouldnt be able to stop yourself. age 20 your fixation on makeup is so strong #youve probably spent a total of 4k on makeup in the past year. you couldnt stop infodumping on both haircare for HOURS and on makeup #it is the only thing you want to talk about) #but no. its normal that EVERY SINGLE interest ive had ive had it to an abnormal extent #and its not just that. its the fact that i also have Other criteria. #my friend robin could hypothetically have interests to a weirder extent than me #but she doesnt struggle with friendships and conversations. it causes me severe distress with the way how i cant manage either #and its obvious on here too #the echolalia i have. the movements. the COUNTLESS fixations ive had since i was little (rubbing my mouth and humming whenever i heard #something uncomfortable so the vibrations would calm me down. always hating motorbikes. hating the sound of plates. bright lights.) #my teacher reporting i had poor motor skills but my parents going like chile anyways #and the way how ive always been embarrased throwing quote on quote tantrums at an age i wasnt supposed to anymore #which were basically meltdowns lol like its not nomal to feel like a danger to yourself when you're angry and want to punch mirrors when #ur makeup routine isnt going to plan #theres more but yewh hehshdhfjfj #just. i keep telling myself ok but Ash anyone can have this....YEAH BUT BITCH UR TICKING ALL THE BOXES! #also i made mistakes on saying fixation instead of stims and also listing my sensory issues #im just venting and 👍👍👍 yeah

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

Cw

#the next person that complements me when i mention that im very skinny is getting smacked #that's why i hate diet culture #your brain is so fucking rotten that I'm asking for help and you are complementing me #and it's never “I'm so skinny haha'' #i always say that I'm underweight and keep loosing weight #and for some fucking reason their response is always yeah your body looks so good i could never #i shouldn't either #but something isn't working right and hasn't since i was an infant #i sometimes just don't feel hungry and i just don't eat #and especially in therapy i get called lucky #so i never continue talking about how i managed to connect hunger with something positive #so now when i feel hungry i feel good about myself and when i don't i just don't eat bc i really struggle #it's not normal sustaining yourself with one or two small meals #but i can't help and feel good about my body #i shouldn't #my body is weak #i want to build muscle but i can't bc my body needs that energy

[steampoweredskeleton]

My physio wants me to go outside and walk every day. I feel like I should have warned her that the likelihood of me having that kind of energy is incredibly small, and even if it's there, that energy needs to go towards shit like cooking before trips outside

#delete later #it makes me feel lazy sometimes that i hsve so little energy but at thr same time i know that its not my fault #trying to keep a good level of functioning in terms of self care like eating and washing and chores is already really difficult #whilst working full time. i may have the energy for every other day after the flat inspection. tonight i need to reserve energy for #tidying and shit before that. im so tired i legitimately had to fitce myself not to lie down earlier bc i knew I wouldn't be getting back u #idk what the fuck is wrong with me but this is how ive been since i was like 11/ #12 and had to lie down after school #i also keep teetering on the edge of a real freak out. ive been switched to probrct management again so im doing a bunch #of emailing abd communicating and checking. most of which doesnt have concrete answers and relies on understanding #whst ppl are trying to say in their survey responses. which i rly rly struggle with. and on top of that several things #have changed this week at work ahd its impacted my workload sbd responsibilities a lot so im trying to breathe theough it #but im incredibly frustrated and stressed and overwhelmed and having to spend at least a couple hours under weighted blanket each day #most ofbthe tine i dont require the weighted blanket its just nice. i require it right now. frustrating

[undyinglantern]

being closer to your 30s than 20s and having nothing to show for it is so

#personal #cannot finish college/uni cannot find a job bc poor mental health being dependent on parents still how pathetic #sometimes im like wow i should be grateful i havent been kicked out yet and then its like i need to be as little of a burden as possible #like gee wonder why i still struggle with an eating disorder after over a decade. if i cant fucking off myself might as well take up as lit #le space and use up as little resources as possible #even if i wanted and could afford to go back and get a degree i still wouldnt know what to major or get a degree in #they tell you in high school its okay to be undecided youll figure it out but what if its been 9 years and i still dont know #i know. i guess. also i understand why communication courses are required for a degree but i have failed or dropped out every single class #failed interpersonal communication one semester bc i kept fucking forgetting to take the weekly online quiz and never stopped kicking my ow #ass over it ever since #tried retaking it another cemester and stopped showing up half way though bc i couldnt deal with it anymore #tried taking public speaking another and literally panicked and didnt show up anymore after the first week/class #and that was when i was 18-20 like when its okay if you dont really have anything major to share about your life #imagine being 26 having to go up and say something about yourself and its like. ive been a depressed homebody for the past 5+ years idk wha #else to tell you

[just-rogi]

.

#listen I know this is insane and parasocial and crazy #right? #I’m aware I’m in the wrong here #but #I’ve loved Taylor swift since I was like ten years old #and during her 1989 era she did an interview where she said if calories didn’t count she’d eat chicken tenders #years later she came out and said that during that time in her life she was struggling with ED and was miserable #and was recovering #and has been open about the fact that she’s continued to struggle but is choosing to heal #and she’s been like one of the only public figures to actually talk about ed in a way that actually meant anything to me #and it’s not my business it doesn’t matter ok it doesn’t fucking matter and I wouldn’t say this to her or anyone or w ever #but she was just at a football game eating chicken tenders #and man #it’s not about me it’s not my business and doesn’t effect me in ANY way #but GOD I wanted to cry #bc I feel like sometimes it’s not ever worth it and you never really recover and no matter how hard you try #recovery is unobtainable in any permanent way and you can be clean for days or weeks or months or YEARS #but it never really goes away not really you just kinda have to decide one day that healing is worth more now than how painful #and difficult and humiliating recovering is #and MAN it’s NOT about me and I shouldn’t care about what a billionaire is eating for lunch because it doesn’t effect me #and it’s invasive and parasocial and kinda gross to even know that shit about her #but god idk why her stupid chicken tenders and semingly ranch are making me cry #I hope she loved her chicken tenders I hope they were amazing I hope she didn’t even think twice about eating them #but if she did - because I feel like I always will- I’m glad she chose to get them anyway #it’s so hard to explain bc it feels so stupid lol #fuckin ranch too goddamn lol