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annakie · 4 years

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Five

Will we make it off the Citadel in this update??

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Flux is my favorite bar in all of the first game, I know there’s not many to choose from, but I like the music best, everybody’s clothed, everyone’s having a good time, there’s slots upstairs for entertainment, there’s dancing, and plenty of space to chill out in. Also the color scheme is great. It looks particularly great now with the graphics mod improvements.

Doran gets a nice glamour shot here.

I’m a tattle tale who always turns this guy in. I agree with Kaidan...

Also I really love Rita’s quest with her sister. She loves her sister, Jenna wants to be helpful, even Doran’s like “Hey I’d love to give her her job back.” Everyone here is pretty wholesome. And Jenna gets one of the best surprise appearances in ME3 if you do things right. ME1Recalibrated fixes the bugs with her quest, too!

Speaking of bugged quests, Hello Conrad! ME1Recalibrated fixes Conrad’s bug, and even if it doesn’t, ME2Re does. The only bad thing about that is it makes his apology for accusing you of something you maybe didn’t do make no sense.

Everyone else was sure Conrad would turn out to be evil, too, right? Instead making him into just a big lying dummy with an advanced degree was a great move. I was kinda hoping he’d show up in the Citadel DLC.

Harkin is JUST the FUCKING WORST. I’m always tempted to let Garrus cap him in ME2 because what a waste of air he is and doesn’t learn his lesson.

This is also maybe the most overt place where FemShep experiences sexism. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty shitty sexism sprinkled throughout the games (as discussed a bit last post) but ugh this guy, if I could shoot him this game, I might. At least on renegade playthroughs.

Speaking of Garrus...

Finally, an alien who wants to hang out with us.

As primarily a Kaidan-romancing gal, who tends to keep up with the Kaidan Alenko tag, especially back in the heyday of tumblr, for a while, loving Garrus was... difficult.

In October, when I was finishing up my latest ME3 playthrough and also cleaning up my blog, and also rewatching Doctor Who and thinking a lot about Rose Tyler and Martha Jones, I posted a long thing in a post about Kaidan and Garrus and badly behaving fanbases, which I don’t feel like typing again. Here’s the whole thing, but I’m going to pull a part of it into here.

I love Garrus, so much. And I was thinking with this whole parallel DW rewatch / Mass Effect replay think I’m doing right now how both Rose Tyler and Garrus Vakaraian are characters that were ruined for me for awhile due to their respective… overly enthusiastic fanbases who a small percentage of were dicks to people who loved other characters. The Kaidan tag (and from what I understand Thane got some of this too, but not nearly as bad) was a pretty hostile place for awhile (and yeah I used to regularly check the Garrus tag too and there was a small amount of tag-invasion there but uh, like 5% of what the Kaidan tag got) which made loving the character of Garrus a lot harder for awhile. But when actually watching seasons 1 & 2 / the end of 4 of Doctor Who, or actually playing the ME games, those characters are awesome.

Fanbases can be amazing or terrible, and time and time again I think you start to realize that no matter how great a fandom is, there are going to be a few people who can only enjoy themselves by feeding on drama, or on lifting up what they love by stomping on other people/characters/plotlines.

It’s not fair to characterize everyone who loves a popular thing as someone who does this. It’s also hard to avoid completely because there will always be jerks, or young/new people who don’t realize what bad form they’re showing. I did learn by trying to fight it for a year or two, that responding might help that one person not do it again, but it’s not going to stop overall.

Anyway, don’t be a dick about the things you don’t like.

It’s sad that even thirteen years past the release of ME1 and eight years past ME3 some people still need to have this fight online. It’s basically impossible to enjoy like, any non-curated Mass Effect space online because of pissing contests or people spouting the same boring opinions. Which they’re entitled to. I’m just real tired of “Kaidan is boring!” “Ashley is a racist!” etc with no further depth of thought being given.

The ability to mute / block people and get away from the worst of it is one of the reasons I’m still on tumblr. Especially always mute/block “confessions” blogs. Yeesh.

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I’m glad Garrus is here, and I’m glad he’s on the team. What’s funny though, is that people tend to forget that Garrus like, wasn’t really all THAT popular of a character before ME2. I know I was only in the fandom for a year before ME2 but I dug in pretty deep in that time.

It wasn’t until he gets his face blown off and starts talking about Old Times that a lot of people started to REALLY like him. He’s still great in ME1, but not like, elevated to god-tier that so many people did post ME2 release. But in ME1 he IS neat because he’s really malleable. Probably the companion who can have the biggest personality shift depending on your choices.

Also, I remember a time when the people who wanted to romance Garrus were like... outliers? I remember thinking “GARRUS? As a romance? That’s... weird. Who would do that!?”

OH HOW I WAS WRONG. But that was before reach and flexibility.

Hey I even have a Shep that romanced Garrus in ME2 and ME3. And I loved it!

Were I to replay a different Shep, she’d be my first choice.

So yeah, I love Garrus, I keep Kaidan in the squad all the time in ME1 and the other spot I try to rotate everyone else somewhat evenly, but you’ll see plenty of him. Then ME2 he’s by my side most of the way. And an awful lot in ME3, too. But I’m happy for him to get crushed on by Dr. Michele and glad to see him and Tali find happiness in ME3. SO that’s the path we’ll be going down if we get that far here.

I love the Destiny Ascension flyby moment on the Citadel, and it’s so easy to miss. Also really hard to get good screenshots of. Thanks Flycam. Don’t pay attention to the untextured wall in the first pic, just look at the pretty lights!

Let’s go get another squadmate! This time, a not-as-initially-friendly alien!

What an amazing entrance for Urdnot Wrex.

“Do you want me to arrest you?”

“I want you to try!”

Hell. Yeah.

Here’s where the somewhat in somewhat evenly comes in. I probably do favor Wrex and Ashely in the squad in ME1 a little because... well you know what’s coming for Ash and Wrex you get the least amount of time with by far of the other companions. Also, he’s just... great? A tank, with some biotics and a shotgun... okay well so am I as a vanguard, but Kaidan has just enough tech powers for us to muddle through where we need to when Wrex is in the squad and he’s so much fun to have around. His “Fuck you, I don’t care” attitude is great, and his growth story throughout the trilogy is one of the best arcs a character gets, imho. I just really love Urdnot Wrex.

This is a real nice flight control office you’ve got here, C-Sec. It would be a shame if someone planted a bug in it later, since literally anyone can just walk on up here uncontested.

This entire area really is so pretty though.

I always pump points into Paragon as much as possible from as early on as possible, and saving these poor guys’ lives is one of the big reasons. They don’t need to die.

Ash usually still stays in the party up to this point, though sometimes it’s Garrus. Fist is still a dick in ME2 but he doesn’t need to die here, sorry Wrex.

...raise your hand if you still occasionally forget to pick up Emily Wong’s evidence and have to reload. I remembered! ...once I was almost out of Chora’s Den and had to turn around this time.

Kaidan? Kaidan my love? My darling... perhaps YOU shouldn’t be the one standing in the middle of the corridor with no barrier or protection? (I suppose I could scooch over but then I’d look less badass for these screenshots. Naaah.)

It’d be a shame if someone properly lit the corridor so we could see what’s going on.

But hey... TALI! Tali Tali Tali! The first quarian we see, and only one for... awhile? Is there another quarian in this entire game? I’m trying to remember and seriously can’t think of one.

Anyway, I love Tali, but another character you really need to ignore their most rabid fanbase portions of. Yikes, Talimancers were really something back in the day. The biggest problem I have with Tali being in the squad is that normally she’s REALLY useful against Geth and... not so much against just about anything else. She gets sidelined on my team more than I wish she would. Especially since she doesn’t show up until very late in ME2 and late-midway through ME3.

Finally, the proof we need. And the game continues to introduce new concepts to us with the Conduit and we hear the word Reapers for the first time. We also get a loredump on the quarians and the geth.

Tali’s voice doesn’t have quite as heavy of an accent in ME1 as it does in 2 and 3. I guess we can assume she’s lost part of it while on her pilgrimage? Picking up the local dialects a bit? The next two times we see her she’s just spent a lot of time with her own people.

Tali’s suit and omnitool look SO GOOD with the updated textures.

I swap Ash out and Tali in at this point, and usually finish up a few more quests along the way.

Ah, Septimus. You lovesick fool.

Honestly, the very best thing with Septimus is to bring Garrus here if you’re gonna romance him, have Garrus laugh at him for coming undone for love and then... well, ME2 and especially ME3 happen. But still. Septimus... always needs a kick in the pants but will get around to doing the right thing.

Hey here’s a cool thing ME1Recalibated does -- Morlan carries a Squad Iconic Armors stock, so you can always find tier-appropriate default look armor for you and all the squad. Very cool of you, Morlan. You are currently my favorite store on the Citadel. Now stop sending me spam, I didn’t sign up for your mailing list.

Look, I have questions about what exactly Xeltan told the consort and how... all that... works... but... I don’t think I actually want to ask them. Just.. let’s all shut up about all of it, it’s over now.

BTW, according to one of the novels, Councilor Anderson finds Ambassador Cayln super annoying. I need to re-read that book.

OK fine... I’ll go talk to the Council.

Coming at ya with Actual Proof and a quarian tagging along to back up the claims, the Council is ready to listen. And while not surprising that it’s finally time to become a Spectre, the actual ceremony is really well done. With the swelling theme music blaring, and all three councilors stressing what a big deal this is and what will be expected of you, you really feel the weight of this moment. People take notice. Although apparently later, Kaidan or Ash get an entire televised event around becoming a Spectre, I guess there’s no time for that right now.

It definitely feels like the game so far has been building towards this moment, not only with POUNDING it into your brain about who Spectres are and why they’re so important and letting you know you’re being evaluated... but it feels like there’s been a shift in the game after this moment. It’s A Big Deal.

I didn’t finish all the sidequests on the Citadel yet, they can wait, I’ve been here long enough. Let’s go check out the new cool stuff we can buy.

ME1Recalibrated adds in this Spectre Armor. Eeehhhhh... no thanks. We’ll stick with Onyx.

I did cheat myself in a bunch of credits and picked up Spectre weapons though. This ain’t no tryhard playthrough.

Well OK, we can finish ONE more quest. Thanks, startlingly loud and triumphant music queue that’s never used again!

Man, this would be SUCH a good pic of the Normandy if... the airlock didn’t go straight through the ship.

We’ve got a ship of our own! And most of our squadmates to put on it!

Sucks for Anderson to be sidelined, though. We already love you, Anderson!

It’s cool to get a bit more of the Saren & Anderson backstory here for real. Still, I enjoyed the book more. Maybe I’ll do a re-read of all the ME books here soon.

Udina... just keep being you, I guess.

WE HAVE A SHIP!!!

Okay, whew... we made it off the Citadel. Now I gotta actually play some more to have more updates to post. Might be a few days. Have to actually go back to work tomorrow. :p

Let’s probably do like one sidequest then go get us an Asari!!

#mass effect #bioware #kaidan alenko #garrus vakarian #urdnot wrex #tali'zorah #annakie's mass effect stuff

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tryingtobelitaf · 7 years

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I slept with a pastor

We had planned to meet within just 2 days of talking. This must have been one of the fastest meet-ups I’ve ever done asides from hook-ups, I thought. For starters, his profile was a long-ass cheesy essay about life, passions and about understanding relationship dynamics. I was surprised myself that I actually read through the whole thing.

Ah, a short look into our conversation history also showed that he complimented my smile 4 years ago on the very same platform. How funny.

But he made a move again (a conversation starter, I mean), and while he did not introduce himself to me it wasn’t like I didn’t know who he was. He was prominent, perhaps too prominent. I have seen his Facebook posts, articles about him, campaigns which he spoke out for, the news, and it was odd that a nobody like me who only came across his writings on social media was now talking to a somebody. I admit, there was that novelty. I guess I understood and saw how being a huge ambassador for a controversial issues in this country could potentially bar one from finding dates. After all, I did read that article, about how being in his place in this society has largely been detrimental to his dating life. But I cannot deny, there was a bit of a pressure thinking of meeting him.

Coming from an oddly liberal but also conservative Christian family, my general impression of Christians and Christian leaders have largely been skewed, mostly in a negative way. It didn’t help that there was all this anti-gay counselling or worst still, parents spewing out bible verses word after word, sentence after sentence at you everyday through whatsapp. I mean, I understand it’s their way of showing concern but for someone who’s a “backslider” and have completely lost interest in learning about the Bible or staying in church, these things can be more than just a drab.

But I digress.

So I started off my day with waking up late. He had invited me to his house for lunch and I readily agreed, which was rather bold and daring for me to do so. Loads of things could go wrong, I thought to myself on my journey from my house to his. He could be like my parents, he could have used this as an evangelical move, he could be a weirdo, he could be awkward, he could have been someone with evil intentions that I just haven’t been able to see through yet, what if he poisons my food, what if he locks the door and doesn’t allow me leave. Of course I had all these thoughts. But I figured, someone of a certain social status probably wouldn’t dare be too bold in action. And yet, I also knew he was a pastor. Is there then a certain way I have to act in front of him? Is it gonna be all about God, would I have to sit through a sermon within the comforts of his home (wasn’t even sure if it was gonna be comfortable), is it not weird that he’s both gay and a pastor and i’m at his house? Me, a young adult that’s probably about 20 years younger than him. He’s closer to my parents’ age than he is to mine. He was midway through the army when I was born. So many thoughts.

He lived in a mature estate. Quiet, full of greenery…and loads of senior citizens. Upon turning down the street, I honestly wondered if I was at the right place. I felt out of place, being the only seemingly young one out of a bus full of adults who looked at the very least 55 and above. A stark juxtaposition catches my eye, a new block of HDB flats against the mature estate which encompassed the surrounding geography. It was slightly comforting to know that perhaps I wasn’t the only one who stood out, that the architecture was my solace for that fleeting moment. I mean, this whole thing felt very out of place to begin with. It was so different, and even he sticks out in this small Singaporean community.

Against the backdrop of old apartments and moss ridden walls, his house was vastly different. A door, with an electronic sorta lock. No shoes outside (he later explained that there were shoe thieves lurking about). His house was a balanced mix of white, brown and black. It was actually very aesthetically pleasing and my eyes were indeed very comfortable with its sight. The walls were full of frames of pictures, over at one corner lies a shelf full of Star Wars collectibles (I made a reference to my dad’s mini collection of Star Wars items which pales in comparison with that of his…also probably not a good idea to bring that up since the whole age thing could have been iffy). No bible verses at all, that was perhaps the thing which stood out the most to me. His study was connected to a rather alright-sized living room. Books, everywhere. And a Mac sitting on a table at a corner against the bright light of the windows which were stifled and trapped by the blinds. I was impressed, and also very surprised.

He explained that his ex helped him with the interior design of the place. After all, “he knows me quite well”, a fact which I found slightly difficult to swallow just because I’m not at a point in my life where I’m friends with any exes. To begin with, I’ve only had one creepy ex (whom I rather not come into contact with) and a gazillion other dates that have gone awry. This conversation took place in his kitchen, which I also commented had a very modern look on it. I actually quite liked it, and again he did mention how his ex knew that he would like loads of space on the table tops.

So there he was, a man 20 years older than me, standing taller than me. He wasn’t muscular or anything, physique wise there was nothing that was that stunning to be really honest. He looked just like you and me, just like everyone else who had a job, who could cook (I can’t but you get the point I’m driving). And even in his state of maturity and experience, he seemed to possess a sense of child-likeness which paled in comparison to my pre-conceived impressions of who he was and what he did for a living. It was not only a refreshing sight but also a deeply riveting and quirky one. He was cooking pasta, and was pouring out mentaiko which he bought. I asked if I could help with anything but he was hospitable enough and politely declined. Then again, I wouldn’t trust myself with any kitchen equipment either. The bright pink shade of the mentaiko was very compelling, almost like his character. He briefly mentioned that he didn’t know why the mentaiko was bright pink, but also interrupted it with some roasted vegetables and an egg on top. Upon cracking open the egg, he realized the texture wasn’t what he really expected, but quickly dismissed it with the fact that he hadn’t let it out of the fridge for a long enough time. Basically, there was nothing very odd about this scene. Like most kitchen scenes, it was what you expected. Except, I felt a bit awkward as I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like we knew each other very well and I wasn’t exactly comfortable with the silence precisely because of that.

Lunch was ready pretty quickly and we ate over his dining table, against the light which seeped in so readily without the blinds stifling over its luminosity. The conversation took a bit more momentum here. It started out slow but gradually picked up its pace and moved along. The only thing that remained slow was my eating speed as for some reason, a combination of nerves and trying to adapt to that new environment and a new person sitting right in front of me had caused me to feel less hungry than I usually am. It was mildly torturous but the mentaiko pasta did help me along with that to a certain extent.

We talked about life, about university (and how NUS has changed largely from when he was there), about life in hostel, about my passion. Honestly, at one point in time I just felt like I was talking too much, almost too eager about what I’ve done. I know at that moment a conscious thought did cross my mind, that I should ask more about what he does and more about his passions as well. But a part of me did not want to know that either. It was as if I felt awkward asking that question, while another part of me already kind of knew what he worked as. Maybe it was just my body and mind’s natural state of defence against talking about God and christianity. On hindsight, it would have been good to talk about that, but I also vaguely remember attending a talk of his back in Utown a couple of months back and slowly zoning out as I did not completely understand what he was saying, nor did I completely agree with some of his interpretations. They felt…very deliberately milked out of itself. I didn’t want to admit to myself later that I might be at a false prophet’s home. We talked about my parents and my life, and when I came out, and basically the entire shitty life I had a couple of years back. His response was oddly enough almost the same as everyone else whom I had recollected this story to. I thought that his pastoral outlook would have overpoured me like Jesus’ sweet blessing at the altar at this point but that wasn’t the case. He maintained a concerned but kind posture and was a very good listener. Probably also a result of his job, I presume.

We talked about expectations with dating, about my horrid dates and all. I haven’t dated anyone in a while, at least not seriously. But I also did explain that I wasn’t exactly in a rush to find one either. There are moments at night where I mope and I wish I had a partner, but more often than naught, I’m pretty self-sufficient and have clear goals and ambitions to work towards and live for. I’m not at a point in my life where I feel the intense urge to settle down. I’m 20 years younger after all. But of course, the case was slightly different for him. He was ready to settle and probably wishes to settle. He probably was very eager to date since his job hasn’t exactly encouraged any momentum in his dating life. He expressed explicitly, interest for me, about how he would have jumped at the opportunity of dating me if he was 20 years younger. Not that he won’t know, he just says there are a couple of things he has to check to see if it’s in place since we are at different phases of our lives after all and that can be hard to reconcile I guess? It was interesting to hear that, once again, especially coming from a pastor. You would think that pastors are the holy sort, the sort that seemed very calm and saintly, with a knack for leadership in a religious sort of way, very composed and at the very least, very mindful of the way he or she acts in front of others. He is not like that, he’s just like one of us. And maybe my impression of what a pastor should be has always been inaccurate since pastors are people too. Just like how celebrities are people, researchers are people, construction workers are people. But against what has been inculcated into me regarding how pastors should behave, this stood out the most to me. His eagerness and enthusiasm might unfortunately not be met with the same amount of energy as I have yet to come to terms with the fact that I might potentially be seeing a pastor. In my head, I am unable to wrap my thoughts around that because what I know has already been etched in me and that is hard to change. Personally, I also felt like there would have been a lot of pressure dating someone of such prominence as well, not that outsiders have to matter but when you’re a figure a lot of people look up to, you need to be mindful of your actions. I don’t want to have to fit myself within the confines of such pressures, and I don’t want to have to know what others’ will think of me. Yet, that might almost be inevitable because an overthinker will always be wondering what the christians will think of me, what my parents will think of me, what my family will think of me, what my friends will think of me and what the community might think of me. These thoughts scare me enough to pull away large amounts of my strength and energy, enough to stop myself from a risky investment.

After about an hour and a half of conversation, he stopped to ask if I had wanted alcohol, to which I declined because there was no way I was drinking in some place I was mildly uncomfortable, and I also had to sing after that. He decided to have a bit of whiskey, and I assumed the conversation would have gotten back. After all, he did say that he didn’t quite want this to be a hook-up either since I’m apparently better worth in my personality and conversation topics. He was also again, a pastor, so I wouldn’t have expected a hook-up. Maybe he did do hook-ups, but maybe it won’t happen to me. I wasn’t that boggled down by that anyway. A good conversation might just be better above all things else. Besides, the hospitality which I have received have been great.

But after his small dosage of whiskey, he came over to my side of the table and sat right beside, stretching his arm out right by my waist. Now two things were distracting me, his whiskey breath as well as the fact that a prominent pastoral figure was about to get intimate with me. Don’t get me wrong, there was consent, it wasn’t that I didn’t want it, but on second thought, I think it would have been better if it didn’t happen. He started getting real close to me, close to my neck, he started tongueing and kissing my neck and my ears (ok, this one I don’t understand, so many guys have done it to me too I don’t understand what’s the craze tbh). I lay in for a bit of a kiss. We stop and we head to his bedroom, continuing the making out process on his bed. Then the clothes off, and the rest is history.

It was a pretty quick one, primarily also because I felt an intense urge to pee. But at the end of it, whilst dressing up he leaned over for a hug and was more than hospitable during the last moments I was in his house. I continue to note how big of a Star Wars fan he was whilst I use his bathroom to wash up. That gets him started but thank goodness not long enough to warrant another hour of post-cumming conversation. After all, I had other plans after that. As I put on my shoes, I engage in small talk, so small I cannot even recall what I talked about. I was slightly eager to leave the place and have my thoughts to my own for a while. It was a lunch that had seemingly broken all the expectations I had of a certain person, a certain figure and a certain profession. It’s so odd to recount this story with the title “I slept with a pastor”, but that was also the truth.

That is what people will know this story as, even if I started it off with no indication of his career. But at the end of the day, whether or not you’re Christian enough to count homosexuality as a sin or count adultery as a sin, all men do fall at one point in time or another. I’m not saying that this should be an excuse for us to continue doing things against our beliefs - religion after all is a social construct in my opinion. But what I’m saying is that, pastor or not, we are all people, we are all human beings of the same species. We have different circumstances, predicaments and background but we’re all human. And maybe this wouldn’t have even warranted a long reflection post at 3am if we weren’t so fixated on expecting things of others when we barely know what they do. Of course, one could argue that a pastor is of a certain calibre, sensitivity and piousness to his religion and the respective divinities central to the existence of this religion. Yet, these idealogies and expectations have caused us to categorize people time after time, sometimes in ways we really shouldn’t. And went something out of the regulations occur, it’s a heinous crime to believers and a novelty to non-believers. At the end of the day, it’s his job to keep his own family of people in his church safe. I truly believe he has no evil intentions in that, and from what I see, it seems he’s doing a good job at helping people with their struggles and needs when they really need them. He fights for what he believes despite knowing the backlash he could face and continues still step up as a leadership figure nonetheless. Again, you could argue that Christianity is a lifestyle and relationship, not just a job which you can quit or switch off once your working hours over. Yes and no, I believe everyone has their own interpretation of the Bible and God, and everyone believes in God for a reason. That argument is not invalid, but, I might then have to ask, if it’s their relationship with God, why does it matter with you then?

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